#like i said it could be the fact that its night or the fact that it's windy. or it could be that its a windy night in specific.

[lis-likes-fics]

Compromising Positions

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x bau!Reader Word Count: 5.2k words Prompt: Mutual Masturbation Warnings: NSFW, smut, caught masturbating, mutual masturbation, fingering, handjobs, mentions of ovulation, swearing... A/N: I'm doing this with nails on. I have already crashed out three times. If anything is wrong, that is why. No beta, we die like Hayley. Thank you and enjoy.

You really shouldn't be doing this.

For one, you just finished a case. The details were still fresh in your mind, morbid and murky. You should be disgusted by even the notion of doing something like this so close to these murders that you've been chasing with your team.

And if that didn't stop you, the fact that you had to share a room with your (hot) boss should have. You could at least have the decency not to masturbate in a bed that you'll be sharing with another person—especially your boss.

But he was out getting food for the team, and the case was poorly timed to take place right as you started ovulating. You had a lot of self-control, but you can only take so much.

Ideally, you should wait until tomorrow when you would all return to Virginia to lay in your own beds for the night. But the thought of waiting one more night before relieving all of the stress and tension in your body makes you want to cry.

You figured you could be quick. How hard could it be to cum one time before Hotch came back, especially when you're this wound up already?

Unfortunately, Hotch isn't a person who takes his time.

You don't hear the card swiping outside the door, or the lock unclicking to allow him entry. You realize he's there far too late, pulling your head up from its place against the headboard and snatching your hand from between your legs with a gasp.

You quickly grab the covers, pulling them over your lower half to cover yourself up as you see Hotch standing in the doorway. This is probably the first time you've ever seen this man actually fazed—even if it is simply widened eyes and pink tinted cheeks.

“Oh, my God,” you gasp, feeling heat on every surface of your body and sinking into the bone.

“I'm sorry,” he says quickly, plastic bag rustling on his arm as he swiftly goes to close the door once more. “My apologies. I'll—let you finish.”

“No, no, no!” You say quickly, burying your face in your hands to try to hide yourself from him as much as possible. “No, I'm done. I'm sorry. That was so bad.”

“No, it's not,” he scrambles to reassure you from the door, his body blocking anyone from peering in and seeing you in such a compromising state. “I understand. Do what you need to do.”

You move as much as you can with your body still shielded, grabbing your sweatpants to pull them over your body again. “No, really. It's fine, I'm done.”

You stand with your back to him, face still in your hands. The shame sinks even deeper when your fingers still smell like your arousal. You hear the door close behind him, the rustle of the bag against a desk telling you that he decided to stay, after all.

You swallow thickly, trying to shove down the humiliation (and a whisper of more arousal that's making you want to scream) to no avail.

“I'm sorry, Hotch,” you say, your back still facing him. Your voice is softer, but still chalkful of the shame eating away at you. “That was so unprofessional and—God, this is embarrassing.” You mumble the last part to yourself.

“It's not,” he tries to assure you once more. “Really, I understand. You don't have to feel embarrassed, at all.”

You can't bring yourself to face him, but you slowly turn your body halfway toward him to bridge the gap. He's standing across the room, the both of you separated by the bed.

“Easier said than done.”

Any time you imagined him, you imagined it in a very different way. You thought of him walking in to find you like that, but it was usually followed up by him climbing on top of you and taking the job over himself. Or maybe he's suddenly pushing you up against a wall in a hungry kiss, his knee between your thighs, his hand achingly close to your throat–

This is doing nothing for your horniness.

You half-excuse yourself, slipping into the small bathroom to splash some cold water on your face in an effort to calm you. When that doesn't work, you give up and wash the hell out of your hands to try and get the smell out.

Over the next hour, the two of you hardly say anything. You eat in relative silence, he takes his shower, and then you both try to find sleep. Which is also easier said than done.

You lay on your side, wide awake, trying not to press your thighs together as the ache grows and grows. You need a release. You need it so bad, you feel like it's going to eat you up.

“Are you…still awake?”

You swallow thickly, debating whether or not you should just say no. But he'll know if you're lying, just like you'd probably know if he was (he's a better liar than you).

“Yeah.” You keep replaying your little incident in your head, over and over and over again. It's maddening in more ways than one, which is only making it more maddening.

“Do you…” he hesitates. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Not necessarily. You think if you talk about it with him, you'll only make your own situation worse, and you'll have to be removed from the unit for indecency or, God forbid, sexual harassment.

But you really don't want to sit in uncomfortable silence, and maybe talking about it to absolutely ensure that there is no issue might help.

“Sure.”

You both slowly sit up. He turns on the bedside lamp. You sort of just…sit there in more silence as you wait for someone to speak.

“I want to start by reiterating…” he says slowly, “that you do not have to feel embarrassed in any way. Really, I understand.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. You have to clear your throat, but it doesn't make you any bolder, or any louder for that matter. “Still, I'm…I'm sorry for this. I thought I could…” you fill your lungs with air, “be quick.”

He reaches over gently to place a hand on your knee. Every instinct is telling you to move his hand from you, as the warmth of his palm is going straight to your head and making you embarrassingly dizzy, but you don't. Because it's warm and it feels nice.

You try to find your voice, looking down at your own hands instead of at his or his face. “You know I'm not usually like this.”

“I know.”

“I just…” You take a breath. “This case was very poorly timed, and… and I'm ovulating. Otherwise I wouldn't be such a horn dog. It really is an accident. I'd never want to make you or anyone else feel uncomfortable and–”

He says your name gently. You were rambling. You nod gently in understanding, trying to pull a shy grin over your lips in an attempt to ease the heat in your face from trying to explain yourself.

“I feel the only way to ease your nerves about being in such a…compromising position, would be to compromise myself in return.” His voice is calm, as gentle and as natural as it would be if you were talking about your weekend or how great the weather has been.

“You don't have to,” you say, though your voice is a whisper. The thought of learning something him compromising about him is making it hard to think straight.

“It's alright.” He takes his own breath, and as you finally glance up at him to see his face. For the first time, you spot a hint of disheveled nerves on him—hair slightly tosseled, cheeks still lightly dusted in a gentle pink hue. It is doing nothing to help you.

“I hope I don't make you uncomfortable by admitting to this,” he speaks very quietly, as if consoling you, “but I…enjoyed seeing you before.”

If you weren't hot before, you are not. Not just hot—you're burning. Something in swirling in your gut, and your criss-crossed position provides no pressure where you need it. What's worse, if he looks at you for even a moment, you know for certain that he would be able to read it all on your face in just a single moment.

“You…” you clear your throat like the words got caught. “You did?”

“Yes,” he nods lightly. “To be quite honest with you, I have found myself developing certain feelings for you over the last few months.”

You feel like you've been shot in the heart, a shock that makes it stop beating for a few moments before pumping so quickly, it feels like it's trying to keep it going before you collapse.

“Really?” You hate how pathetic you sound. “Like…actually? You're not just trying to flatter me to make me feel better?”

He laughs gently, finally looking at you once more. Fuck, you need him so badly right now, and it's eating you alive.

“No, I'm not.” His hand squeezes gently, but never in any kind of imposing way. He's very kind and comforting. Either way, you try not to squirm. “You're an excellent agent, an even better person… YourYou're beautiful, smart, kind. There's a lot to fall for.”

His tone is analytical, as if it's the only way he'll be able to get the words out. If he pretends he profiling, maybe it won't be so difficult to admit something less logical, so emotional.

“Well,” you hum. “That’s…honestly a relief because I've had eyes for you since the beginning… Which I feel like I should not have said.”

You go to shield your face again, but he lifts his hands to your wrists, touching you so gently. “Don't hide,” he nearly whispers. “I did just tell you you're beautiful, didn't I? I want to see your face.”

You're hanging on by a thread. His thumbs are stroking soothing circles into your pulse points, your ears are thrumming with the beating of your heart. You think if you don't have him one you right now, you'll literally and truly die.

“Can I kiss you?”

Aaron doesn't answer you. Instead, he's catching your lips in his with a fervor that has you moaning into his mouth. Your hands come to his neck, their warmth sinking into his skin as you cradle him. You push up onto your knees, so eager to feel him everywhere.

“Aaron,” you whimper. You're brimming with need.

The sound of his name on your tongue makes him grab at your hips, more rough than he had intended as he pulls you flush against his body. You sigh into his mouth, melting against him as he pulls you close.

“I know,” he mumbles as you paw at each other like horny teenagers. He's becoming painfully hard in his pants, dipping his head in the crook of your neck to lick and suck and nibble at your skin. He's being so careful not to leave any marks for the team to suspect in the morning, but it becomes increasingly difficult the more you grasp one another.

“I need you.” The words fall before you can even think them up. “Please. Need you so bad. Please.” You had not intended to become such a mess so quickly. All he's done is kiss you, trail his hands along your back and sides, and you're melting against him and begging for him to touch you.

“We can't,” he breathes regretfully, though he keeps kissing you.

You pull back just enough to look at him, your eyes now shining with a hint of apprehension at the prospect of rejection after such a confession. “Why not?”

He's quick to assure you, one hand under your chin and the other at the small of your back. “I want to. Trust me, I want to.” He's catching his breath, lips pink from kissing you so much. He kisses you again just to seal his words. “But I don't have a condom. And if you're ovulating, then it's probably not a good idea for us to…”

You nod quickly. “Yeah. Yes, you're right.”

He pulls you into another kiss before you can try to pull back and second guess yourself. You sink into it easily, letting him lay you down against the mattress. He pulls gently at the hem of your shirt, muttering against your lips. “Can I take this off?”

Your nod is emphatic. “Yes. Yes, please.”

He smiles at your lips, embracing you for the hundredth time, only pulling away to pull your shirt over your head. Your mouths are hungry things searching for each other, begging and yearning for the other like they've been kept apart for far too long.

His hand immediately comes up to cup your breast. Though it starts off as a gentle touch, he's quickly groping you with eager, greedy hands as he palms and kneads and soaks up the sound of your pants and moans.

It's hard to think when he touches you like this. You've dreamt of this so many times that you wouldn't know where to begin if he wasn't kissing you so feverishly.

You take his shirt off next, too intent on seeing him, feeling him. He helps you remove it and toss it haphazardly across the room. You lay your hands flat at his sides. His abs are not defined, but they're firm and they're warm, not quite a “dad bod” but close enough to make you drool. (You were drooling anyway.) His skin is soft and smooth, and you quickly get greedy in feeling him.

His finger hooks around the waistband of your sweatpants. He places kisses to your neck and collarbone, sucking bruises at the top of your breasts where they can be hidden but he'll always know are there. “Can I take these off?” he asks again, a little more tentative.

You look him in the eyes, feeling incredibly hot and incredibly needy. “Yeah, please.”

He smiles at you, keeping eye contact as he slowly brings them down your thighs, your legs, off your ankles. When he takes in the sight of you, it's with silent breath and darkened eyes.

You hear him curse under his breath, and if your mind wasn't so foggy with desire, you'd be shocked—maybe even tease him over it. “You're so beautiful,” he says, one hand stroking your side soothingly. “All of you. You're perfect.”

You don't know how to answer him. He's bleeding with sincerity. You give your gratitude in the form of another hungry kiss, cupping his face and scratching at a barely-there stubble with your nails.

“I wanna see you,” you mutter into his mouth. You can vaguely feel the smallest outline of him when he brushes up against your thigh. But it's not enough. You want a full view, full access to him. “Please, can I see you?”

He's already yanking down his sweatpants with far less care than he had shown you. You look between your bodies with a sigh. He's thick, his tip already leaking at how evidently needy he is for you. You stare for longer than you should, clenching around nothing as your fingers itch to touch it.

“Can I…?” Your voice is quiet, a shy request.

Aaron gives a bashful chuckle. “I'm afraid it'll end too soon if you do…” This pulls a smile from you, which spreads his own grin out wide. “Yes.”

You chew on your bottom lip, reaching a hand out to run your knuckles along the bottom of it. It kicks up at your touch, pulling a hiss from between his teeth. You stifle your grin, apologizing briefly as he reassures you that he's fine.

He's very warm, with a texture like velvet. You drag your fingers slowly—unintentionally teasing him—along his length.

You watch his face contort, squeezing in concentration and what looks like pain. His cheeks are flushed, his teeth bared slightly. He reaches out a hand, grabbing yours without cruelty to stop your teasing strokes. “Okay, okay.” He catches his breath. “I'm sorry, I just… I need a minute.”

“S’okay,” you whisper, leaning in to kiss him, an effort to ease him. He smiles into your lips and eases onto one elbow. He's crowding your lower half, so close that his body heat is becoming your own. You don't mind. It's a comfort you would be content to live in as he boxes you in with his body, leaning on you considerately as his thumb continues to stroke your side.

When you pull away with a gentle smack, he hums as he stares up at you. His eyes are dark and intense, and you struggle to hold his gaze as you shy away with a shallow giggle.

He encourages your face back with his knuckle beneath your chin. “Show me how you do it.”

You're taken off guard by his request. Your brows furrow slightly as you cup his face. “How I do what?” He stares a moment longer, and your eyes widen a bit. “Touch myself?”

He smiles, and your breath is taken away. Aaron Hotchner is not a man who smiles often, especially like this. He smiles at you with teeth, pearly whites that light up his whole face and make him ten times more handsome (you hadn't even known that was possible).

“You want to see me touch myself?” you confirm, sounding more hesitant than you feel. His eyes droop lightly as you continue to scratch his light stubble. He hums his response, a gentle nod.

“If you don't want to, I'm not going to make you,” he assures, ever the gentleman. “I never want to make you uncomfortable in any way. I just want to admire you. All of you.”

“I want to,” you say too quickly. You want to show him everything. He's the kind of person who would sleep out in the hallway if it made you feel more comfortable, but you would rather spend the night in the closet than have him be cold and alone out there. He's so kind and so gentle and so handsome, that showing him something like this isn't anything you're opposed to in any way. “I just…have never done anything like that before.”

“That’s fine,” he coos. He leans in, pressing a kiss to your belly with a warm sigh. Your breath shudders as you run your fingers through his hair. “I'll do it with you, so it isn't awkward.”

You nod slowly. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Mhm.”

He kisses you lightly, his lips curled in an elated grin. “Lay back, sweet girl.”

You do as you're told, though his voice is anything but commanding. There's nothing assertive about it. It's a simple request born out of a kind of adoration that makes you warm from the inside out.

You lay against the headboard of the bed, missing his warmth when he moves off of you to sit by your side. Your shoulders brush one another as he sits close, gazing at you and assessing every feature on your face. To make sure you're okay.

You smile up at him, trying not to hide yourself away as you keep your legs uncrossed. He sets a hand on your knee, slowly encouraging it farther apart with enough gentleness to give you full power to refuse. You let him move it without quarrel, watching his face as he watches yours.

His legs spread as well, and he pulls one of yours to rest over one of his, keeping you effectively open. He stares at you, your pussy slick with your arousal, and sighs deeply. He's hard, his cock resting against his lower belly where a string of precum connects him to it.

Aaron takes his cock in his hand, squeezes the base with a grunt. You feel his leg twitch lightly beneath your own as you watch him, the way he strokes himself so slowly. You chew on your lip, watching with lidded eyes as your arousal stirs in your belly.

Slowly, you bring your hand to rest on your inner thigh. Your fingers tremble slightly, nerves and shyness, as you bring them closer to where you need to be touched.

You stifle a moan when you press the pad of your finger to your clit. Aaron's eyes watch you closely, admiring the way your fingers move as you tease yourself with shy hands.

“That’s it,” he murmurs. He watches you glide your fingers through your folds, wet with an embarrassing amount of arousal. “Show me how you do it.”

You slowly dip a finger inside of you, letting out the smallest sound as you push it in as far as you can reach. It's not nearly as far as you need it as you let your head lean against his shoulder.

He smiles, his hand becoming a little more insistent as he watches you bury your finger inside of yourself. Your eyes are locked on one another, mesmerized by the sight of the other's pleasure.

“Good, good girl,” he hums, flicking his wrist as he grasps the head of his cock. You add a second finger, curling it inside of you. It feels good, being able to touch yourself and relieve the ache that's been weighing on you all day, especially under his gaze that seems far more appreciative than it should be. “You're so pretty, honey. So pretty.”

He kisses your temple, raising his free hand to tilt your chin up for another kiss. You indulge him happily, humming into his mouth and letting your fingers brush against that sponge spot inside of you that makes you moan.

You roll your hips forward, feeling your need tightening in the pit of your stomach. “Aaron,” you whisper. “Fuck, I need more.” He squeezes his cock absently, your words ending shivers down his spine. “Need you to touch me. Please.”

His breath shudders. “You want my fingers inside of you, is that it?”

You stifle a moan, nodding quickly. “Yeah. Yes, please.” You lean further into him, your head in the crook of his neck. “Mine aren't big enough. I need you.”

He's a goner. Aaron reaches over, stroking your thigh with a large, warm hand and kneading the flesh thoughtfully. You let your lips part, your breaths a little heavier. His hand covers yours, pressing his fingers into your knuckles to push them farther inside of you. You whisper a curse, turning your face into his shoulder.

He slowly pulls your fingers out of you, leans in to kiss you in a way that's almost greedy. His hand squeezes your upper thigh gently before dipping between them. You open your legs wider to give him more space to move, sighing into his lips when you feel his fingers rubbing against you.

He spreads your lips apart, strokes his finger through them and consumes any whimpers you let slip. When the pad of his finger brushes against your clit, your hips jerk lightly, and you feel his lips curling against your own.

“I'm going to put them inside now,” he murmurs against your lips.

You nod, overwhelmed with desire. “Okay.”

He kisses you again just as he presses one finger inside of you. You hum into his mouth, raising a hand to rest against his chest. His finger reaches much deeper than your own, offers more girth for you to squeeze around as he slips in and out slowly, your slick allowing for easy movement.

“Fuck, Aaron,” you whisper. “That feels good.”

“Yeah?” he grins gently, kissing you one more. You nod, your sounds worsening when you feel a second finger prodding at you. When he slips it inside, your lips go slack against his. “How about that?”

“Oh, God,” you breathe. You try not to squirm against him, clenching as he thrusts them too slowly, in and out of you with a rhythm made to drive you crazy. You feel like you'll stop breathing as the pleasure swarms in your brain.

When he curls his fingers inside of you, you have to hold back the moan threatening to slip past. He watches you, enamored by the look on your face, desire and pleasure written in every crease.

“How is that, honey?”

“Good.” As his pace slowly builds, thrusting and curling until you can't keep up, you have to purse your lips to keep from crying out. Aaron is a gentle man, as he'd been a gentle lover, but the way he fingers you is making it hard to think straight. “Fuck, so good. Please don't stop.”

His breath has picked up just listening to yours. Your soft moans are making it very hard to calm himself as his cock twitches against his belly. He kisses your neck, your shoulder, showering you in affection as he continues to touch you like it's his life's mission.

You can't help yourself from riding his hand. Arousal is leaking out of you, and part of you feels guilty as you feel it beginning to wet the sheets beneath you.

You reach blindly for Aaron, your breath heavy and your skin hot. He hisses when your fingers wrap around his cock, and you whine at the size of him. You wish it was inside of you so badly—you know it would feel so good to have him stretching you out.

You stroke him, too dizzy with pleasure to tease or go slow as you drag your fist up and down the length of him. “God, you feel so good,” you breathe into the crook of his neck.

He chuckles, though the sound is more breath than laugh. “I should be telling you that.” You mimic his sound.

You squeeze him, perhaps too much because one of his hands comes to slow your pace with a grunt he's trying so hard not to let out in full sound. “You've got to slow down, honey, or this will be over far too soon.”

You smile, the knowledge that you're riling him up so much going straight to your head. Your reply is a kiss to his neck, which quickly becomes two kisses, which becomes three and so on. He sighs with each kiss, fingering you still with as much fervor as you'd shown before.

You moan out his name, brimming with want. Your pace is steady on him, not as fast as before but just as stimulating as you peek up at his face, concentration deep in his features. When you flick your wrist, he grunts and pulls his fingers out of you, though he never stops touching you.

You whine at the loss, feeling him sliding your arousal all over your pussy as you bite down at your lower lip. “Please don't stop,” you murmur, your voice almost weak with how badly you need him.

He just shushes you gently, smiling once again at the surprised moan that comes out of you as he starts rubbing at your clit. You bury your face in the crook of his neck again, inhaling his scent and trying to stifle your moans as your pace kicks up on his cock.

“You're so messy, sweet girl,” he coos. His claim is supported by the lewd sounds coming from between your legs as his fingers rub quickly over your eager clit. Your hips cant up into his hand, his words sending intense shivers bolting up your spine. “And your thighs are shaking so much.”

Your fingers squeeze around him, precum dribbling over the top of them and making it easier to tug at his cock. His teeth clench as he feels himself growing more and more breathless.

“Fuck,” you gasp lightly. “I'm gonna cum, Aaron.” His calloused fingers catch your clit in a way that has a shocked mewl pulling out of you. “Please, Aaron, don't stop.”

He doesn't, not even for a moment. He seems more eager for you to cum than even you. You ride his hand, your face buried in the crook of his neck. Your moans are building as you struggle to keep quiet.

“Good. Good girl, c’mon. Cum for me, sweet girl.” He presses a kiss to your forehead.

And just like that, you're falling off the edge as the pleasure blossoms inside of you. You squeeze your fist around his cock, tugging a couple more times before he's spilling out over your hand and his tummy with a barely stifled moan.

You both shudder, his hand still working you through your orgasm as your brain goes fuzzy and your limbs fill with bliss. Your moan of his name is pressed into his skin in an attempt to stay relatively quiet. A noise complaint is the last thing you both need right now, along with the rest of the team finding out about this before any of it is concrete yet.

When the pleasure has faded and he pulls his hand away, you fill your lungs with air and feel yourself going limp as you rest all of your weight on him. He takes it welcomingly. His hand still rubs along your inner thighs, soothing you with gentle shushes, still sounding quite breathless himself.

“You did so good for me, honey.” He turns your face to kiss you, making you moan into his mouth as his hand slips between your thighs to glide between your soaked pussy. He grunts at how wet you are, licking into your mouth and securing his arm around you as you melt against him.

He leans over you, and you smile at his warmth. You raise a hand gently to his face, the hand not sticky with his cum, and hum into his mouth.

“Thank you,” you whisper against his lips. “I needed that so bad.”

His response is a light chuckle, tender with affection and post-orgasmic exhaustion. “I'm happy to help,” he says. “And if you need any more in the future, I'm here.”

Your stomach flips a little at his words, the prospect of the future seeming quite exciting to you now.

Aaron sits up slowly, a sigh dragging out of him as he stands to move in the direction of the bathroom. He fetches a wet towelette to clean you up with, his movements so gentle and kind as he wipes away all the arousal. He takes your hands in his large ones, wiping his own release away with a tenderness that melts your heart.

He cleans himself hastily in order to join you in bed. He lays back, pulling you close to lay your head on his chest. You sigh longingly, stroking his chest and holding him close. You still feel a little eager, but it has been toned down considerably.

He smells good, like the cologne you'd gifted him on his birthday, and something else you can't quite place. Something uniquely him.

“You smell nice,” you hum.

He laughs, a rumbling in his chest that makes you smile. “Thank you,” he says. “You smell wonderful.”

You turn your head to kiss his chest, letting sleep tug at you. Aaron's hand rubs gently at your back. “Go to sleep, honey.” He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead and holds you close.

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[juyeoz]

˙ㅤ۪ 𓂋⠀FOR THE PLOT — AN 02z SMAU

026 ┆i’m sorry (1.0k words)

The time on your phone read 7:00 p.m. which signalled that Arts night had begun 10 minutes ago. You were exhausted from your date yesterday and school today, that you accidentally got swooped into dream land.

Hopefully, Yena’s performance hadn’t passed yet.

You felt terrible in your mother’s car while anxiously checking the time every so often. 

It was 7:15 p.m. when you arrived. Luckily, the ride over wasn’t as long as taking the bus. After thanking your mom, you left the car in haste and rushed over to the entrance. 

One issue was the fact Yena wasn’t there to guide you to the designated room. You had no clue how to get around at Western Academy. Hopefully, there were guides to help you get around.

At the foyer, there was a desk surrounded with people dressed in black as they all conversed with one another. A sign stood beside the table and read the entry fee which was one ticket.

The one ticket you did not have. How were you going to get in?

You backed away from the table and stood against a wall, pulling out your phone in panic. You hoped Yena was able to check her phone at such a time. 

Her messages were spammed with blue ones that were just her name in all caps. There were moments where you included the world ‘help’ but nothing got you a response. 

It was silent on her end.

There was no other way for you to get in at this point. You could have just waited it out until the performances were over. She couldn’t get mad at you for it, right? At least, hopefully she didn’t.

“Hey, are you okay?” A voice called from in front of you. You froze in response, not wanting to look up. What if they kicked you out? Then you would have wasted your mother’s time.

Hesitatingly, you looked up to where the voice came from, but to your luck, you were met with a familiar face—Park Jay.

You sighed softly, the feeling of relief washing over you. Even if your past wasn’t the best, at least it was someone you knew.

“Why are you just standing here?” He added.

“I didn’t want to get kicked out.” You answered, leaving the poor boy confused.

“What?” 

“I don’t have a ticket and Yena wanted me to come watch her performance.” You explained while shoving your phone into your pocket.

“What about you?” You asked, not sure what else you should have said.

“Volunteering. Unfortunately.” He said while pointing at the table behind him. The students were still talking amongst each other, not noticing your presence once.

“It’s quite boring despite it being the first Arts night I’ve attended.” He sighed and looked over at the students. He had no clue how to join their conversation either. 

“Hey, I have an idea.” Jay whispered, leaving you confused and worried. 

Did you really want to see what idea he had planned? Not really.

Suddenly, he took your wrist and walked up the ramp that led to the doors of the auditorium.

“I wonder what they’re performing.” He said once you two passed the table of volunteers, hoping that would deter their attention away from you. 

Luckily, with such little effort, it worked. You were surprised. His stupid plan worked.

You both entered the dark auditorium and he began to look for an empty seat from the top.

“Jay,” you began, gaining a ‘yes’ in response, but he didn’t look over at you.

“Your hand…” You said, hoping he would do something about it. 

It still held onto your wrist with a gentle grip. 

“Right, I'm sorry.” He said and let go, but it wasn’t fast enough to let your arm fall on its own. It was more like a guide.

You mumbled an ‘it’s okay’ while awkwardly slipping your hands into your back pockets as he continued to search.

“Follow me,” he said and you did as you were told.

He brought you to an empty seat with a good view of the stage, leaving you satisfied. You could definitely see Yena at this point.

“The band doesn’t come on until after this performance. I guess you were on time.” Jay said while taking a seat beside you. You hummed in response and watched the performance on stage.

During the showcase, due to the small space and single arm rest between you two, both your arms and hands grazed against each other many times. The atmosphere felt awkward the more it happened. It was obvious you both noticed it too, flinching whenever it happened.

Jay wanted to apologize for the past terribly. The urge was almost eating him whole. However, many thoughts clouded his head stopping him from doing so. Would you even care if he were to apologize? What if you forgot about the past and he had only embarrassed himself in return.

It could either go terribly right or terribly wrong. So, he did it. 

“(Name),” he began, his eyes never leaving the stage. You looked over at him in silence. This was the second time you heard him call your name after six years ever since the bake sale. 

However, this time, he said it with more certainty. He was sure it was you.

“I’m sorry.” 

You were confused by his words. Was he apologizing for the times your hands touched each other? Or was he apologizing for grabbing your wrist without hesitation earlier? 

Which one was it?

“For what?” You asked. You wanted to accept his apology on its own, but you wouldn’t have known what you were forgiving him for.

“The past. From kindergarten to eighth grade and the awkward tension between us throughout the years. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed in my presence, so I distanced myself from you, creating the said tension.” 

Oh, well, nothing could have prepared you for that.

You were unsure about what to say. You had no clue this was how he felt throughout both elementary and middle school. The only response you could get out wasn’t the best option after all he had said, but it was the only option you had.

“It’s okay, I forgot about it anyways.”

Yeah, you could have definitely done better than that.

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© JUYEOZ

[prettyinpink69]

◆Nighttime kisses◆

Sevika×femme!reader

Word count: 1k, it was supposed to be short but... oh well

Smut MDNI

This could very well be absolutely terrible but I hope its not awful.. enjoy

Ever since you and sevika had adopted your daughter life had been great. Seeing Sevika run around with the little ball of energy so innocently, almost forgetting not more than a year ago she was still a 'murder-machine' for Silco. Luckily Silco wasn't completely cold-hearted and had granted Sevika time off work as a subtle hint of gratitude for her loyalty over the years.

You sat on a beaten down sun lounger on the roof of the apartment, the burning warmth if the sun hitting you pale skin. Watching as Sevika was chasing your daughter around pretending to be the 'big bad monster'. All that could be heard were giggles from the little one and the occasional growl from sevika along with a lot of heavy breathing. Even from yourself. You hadn't admitted it to Sevika but seeing her gaurd lowered as she became more comfortable with being a mother just did something to you, everytime she kissed your daughter on the nose or tucked her into bed... it made your stomach do twists which felt nice alongside the throbbing between your legs.

One thing neither of you had really thought about was just how little alone time you'd have together making your more intimate moments spread out super thin. Your lucky if you two got down to business more than once a week- which considering it was Sevika it practically felt like a year.

As you were lost in thought, watching your two girls run around the sun started to set. Your awakened from your daydream by Sevika. "Sweetheart? Its time to put this little rascal to bed." She said as she held your daughter in her arms, already half asleep. "Yeah.. yeah okay im coming baby." You follow her back down to the apartment and into your daughters room. You watch as she dresses your daughter into her favourite pyjamas- frozen of course. Both you and Sevika sit down on either side of the small girls bed as you tuck her in.

"Night mommy, night mama..." your daughters small voice calls out before her head hits the pillow and she practically falls asleep straight away. Not that either you or Sevika are complaining of course- that means no reading shitty children's books tonight. You watch as Sevika leans down to press a kiss to the little girls forehead and muttering, "sweet dreams babygirl, I love you." And there it was again, the throbbing ache between your legs. You need Sevika and you need her now. "Come on Sevi..." you whisper to avoiding waking the sleeping little one just feet away. As the two of you silently move out of the room, Sevika switches the light off and closes the door. She proceeds to follow you to the couch where you flop down so hard the couch almost moves. Your pent-up frustration starting to show.

Sevika being Sevika notices right away, you lived and hated the fact that she was amazing at reading people. "Come here." Sevika says as she pats her lap. Her tone was gentle but you knew it was a command. Seconds later you find yourself straddled over her muscly thighs, the heat pooling between your legs is almost unbearable. "Needy tonight hm? Whats gotten you so worked up?" She chuckles at how quick you moved. That damn mocking tone causing you to grind your cunt right against her leg. "Seeing you be so... motherly i-" This earns you a chuckle from Sevika, but before she can tease you any further a whimper slips from your lips. "Vika' please..." It comes out almost to breathy for your liking but the thoughts swimming around your mind block out any sense of embarrassment. Another talent Sevika had was knowing when to tease you and when you give you what you need, she could almost feel the need seeping out of you- she could definitely the wetness seeping through your panties onto her short-clad bare thigh.

Her teasing, commanding tone dropped once she heard how pathetically desperate you were for her, was being a mother making her soft? Maybe. "Let me take care of you sweetheart its okay, ive got you..." She grabs the hem of you dress and pushes it up and stuffs it into the underside of your bra, making sure it stays out of her way. "Sevi ple-" your cut off by her hand slipping into your white, arousal coated thong. The moan that escapes your lips is embarrassingly loud for such a simple touch, yet you felt touch-starved and this... this was heaven. Your manicured nails which were overdue an infill dig into the rough muscles of her shoulder as her calloused fingers collect your slick from you lips. Her two fingers expertly circle your clit and you feel like your on fire, your hips bucking against her hand as moan after moan falls from your lips. Sevika makes no move to hold you still or keep you quiet, she knew how bad you needed this from the way you were grinding down on her hand like you'd die if you didn't cum in the next minute.

Her two large fingers gently squeeze your clit sending shockwaves of pleasure from your core to your brain. Your head falls forward to rest on her shoulder as you hump her hand like a dog in heat. "Fuck- sev please dont stop I'm gonna-" your own moan cuts you off as Sevika moves her attention away from your clit and stuffs the two fingers into your cunt. You bite down on her shoulder to somewhat try and keep the noise to a minimum considering your daughter is asleep two rooms over. "Shh sweatheart, let go for me... your doing so good for me hm? Good girl.." the small sprinkle of praise sends you over the edge, your cunt clamping around her fingers, as if they're sucking them in. You muffle ypur moans into her shoulder as you cum, your slick wetness just covering her hand and thigh, your own thighs not looking any better. Her movements slow and slow as you ride it out until she removes her fingers, bringing them to lips to suck them clean. "Taste so sweet baby... just like honey"

"Vika'... n-need more..." your plea's for more only earns you a deep, low chuckle from Sevika. She grips the back of your thighs and effortlessly lifts you in her arms. "You didn’t seriously think i was done with you yet did you baby?.." and that was when you knew... she's gonna make sure you never feel this pent up again...

[sunflowerwriter]

Show Me How You Burlesque

AN: Steve with a bit of Burlesque ... hopefully you like it. REPOST FROM DELETED BLOG :) Word Count: 2834 Summary: Steve finally asks you out, with a little push from Robin and a coworker Warnings: Small make out mention, some swearing and mentions of alcohol 

Steve was walking into the living room, having finished getting ready for work, he saw you sitting there watching tv. His footsteps were what made you look away from the screen 

“Cute vest” you said with a laugh 

He looked down at his outfit, he was wearing a black vest without a shirt under and black jeans to match and laughed as sat down next to you making you lay your head on his shoulder. No matter how many times you played your head on his shoulder he couldn’t seem to get used to it, he knew for a fact that he was in love with you and there was no denying it

“You know Y/N I never got to thank you” Steve said making you look at him 

“For?” You said tilting you head to the side looking very confused and god did he think you looked so cute

“For, letting me move in with you. I know you didn’t have to do it and if I’m being honest, I know you did it because I’m Robins friend and well she’s you sister after all plus you got me a job which you didn’t have to do” Steve said making you smile 

“Well, yeah I didn’t have to but when Robin asked if you could come with her to LA I knew you must be really special to her because she never asked to bring someone. It was always just her when she told me she was moving out here and well the job well its really nothing I work at the club, so I know that we needed people” you said looking at him 

“You know, I’ve always wondered, how did you manage to work at a burlesque club?”

“Ahh well you see I was wondering one night because my friends were really boring, and I found the club I paid to get in and fell in love with it and now here I am and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been” you smiled as the memory came to your mind of that night 

“Yeah, it is actually very fun working there” Steve said with a small smile 

It had been a year since Steve and Robin had left Hawkins to live with you, after the events of the upside down they needed out and since they were of age to leave Robin had suggested going to live with you in LA. You were Robins older sister, being as one day Mr. Buckley decided that he wasn’t happy with his wife and decided to look for love in the arms of another woman, that woman being you mother, never telling her that he was married until little Robin came along. Never once did you two ever hate each other much to the dismay of your father, he never liked the fact that you two were close given as you reminded him of the mistake he wished to forget about and act like never happened. Nevertheless, you and Robin remained in constant contact with each other and when she asked to move in with you had been more than thrilled to have her around and the fact that she brought a cute friend with her well was just a bonus in your book. 

“I wonder what’s taking Robin so long? She never takes forever to get ready” you said looking at the hallway 

“Yeah, I know, normally it’s us waiting on you” Steve said looking at you with a smile

“You’re not even ready yet” you said looking at him 

“What are you taking about I’m dressed and ready to go” Steve said gesturing down to his outfit

“Eyeliner my friend” you said which made him roll his eyes

“Right, I was hoping you would forget about that” Steve said making you laugh 

“Come on, I’ll help you with it” you said as you stood up

He sat there staring at you which made you laugh and grab his arm pulling him up

“Come on Steve, you know Jess would kill you if you don’t have it on” you said pulling him towards your bathroom 

You handed him your pencil and he just looked at it

“I don’t know how to do it” Steve said making you give him a look 

“Steve, I taught you how many times already? But okay one more lesson because I’m so nice” you said and move home, so he was sitting on your toilet 

You stood between his legs and helped him with the final step in his uniform. If Steve was completely honest, he knew what he was doing he just liked watching you focus on helping him. He knew you were talking and explaining to him what to do, but he wasn’t listening, he was focused on you. He noticed you had moved away from him and tilted your head with a smile 

“All done, now come on its time to go” you said as you began to turn around

He grabbed your arm making you look at him. He pulled you towards him pressing his lips onto yours. He wasn’t sure if you would push him away of kiss him back, but he needed to tell you. You wrapped your arms around his neck as his hands went around your waist. He pressed you up against the counter and without even a second thought you hopped up pulling him towards you. His hands made their way up your thighs pushing your dress higher up as the kiss began to get a bit more intense when you heard Robin

“Hey Y/N, are you in here?” Robin said making the both of you pull away

“Yeah, I’m helping Steve really quick we’ll be out in just a sec” you said as you hopped off the counter 

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have kissed you, I didn’t mean to do that” Steve said 

He walked out the door leaving you standing there confused. Robin walked into the room and looked at you

“You, okay?” Robin said as she stood in the doorway with her arms crossed

“Ummm Steve just kissed me and then said he didn’t mean it right before you got here” you said, and she looked back towards the room 

“Let me go have a little chat with him” Robin said as she began to walk out the door 

“Dude no, leave it” you said making her roll her eyes as she stood in place

The drive to the club was a bit awkward to say the least. The entire drive Steve was arguing with himself as to why he apologized for kissing you and saying he didn’t mean it, when he did, he really wanted to tell you how he felt but he chickened out and he might have just lost his chance to tell you. You on the other hand were thinking just what had just happened, why had he kissed you? Did he like you? Did he just do it just because? Confused is what you were

Once at the club you went backstage to get ready for the show while Steve and Robin went to the bar area where Sean walked towards them

“Hey Steve, Jess needs to see you” Sean said making Steve drop his rag on the counter and walk off to find his boss 

“How is our whole plan to get them together?” Sean said looking at Robin

“He kissed her this morning and then told her he didn’t mean it” Robin said with an eye roll making the man laugh 

“Oh boy, let me try something” Sean said making Robin look at him 

“What are you gonna try?” Robin said as she leaned towards him 

“Let’s just say that a little friend of mine has a crush on Y/N and I might just accidentally let Steve know” Sean said making Robin nod 

“Good luck with that one” Robin said making the man shrug 

“I mean if anything we can just lock them in the supply closet and not let them out until they confess their feelings for each other, but that’s so beneath us Robby we can do better” Sean said making Robin laugh

“Hey Sean, the zipper on my clothes ripped can you help me” you said walking up to the duo 

“Of course, gorgeous, come on let’s go” Sean said following you towards the back

Steve had returned to the bar as the guest started to pile in and find their places getting ready for the show. Steve loved watching you perform and every night he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, of course he got his job done but god was it hard while he stared at you on that stage dancing and singing captivating not only him but the entire crowd. Steve stood with his lower back pressed to the counter arms crossed as he stared at you from his place behind the bar. The smile on his face had not left since you got on stage, Sean laughed as he walked towards the man and leaned over the bar and stared at him 

“So, are you ever gonna tell her that you’re in love with her or just stand there and stare at her” Sean said making Steve finally look away 

“I’m not in love with her” Steve said looking at him making Sean laugh 

“Yeah, and I’m straight” Sean said making Steve laugh 

“Besides, even if I did tell her, it’s not like she even likes me back” Steve said looking back at you as you finished your performance 

“Listen, she does like you, didn’t she kiss you in her bathroom today?” Sean said making Steve look at him 

“Yeah, wait how do you know that?” Steve said looking at him

“Well, she told me … listen she tells me a lot while back there … I’m pretty sure the girls know about what happened between the both of you as of right now” Sean making Steve sigh

“I don’t know, I guess I just got scared” Steve said

“Let me give you some friendly advice, that girl is beautiful on the inside as well and she’s not going to be available for ever… see that guy sitting in that corner right over there?” Sean said pointing to the far corner where a man sat

They both saw as he handed Robin a pretty big box

“You mean Jack? Yeah, he’s a regular here” Steve said 

“Yeah, and he’s rich, plus rumor has it he has the hots for Miss Y/N and I’m pretty sure the box is a gift for her as well” Sean said as Robin walked towards them 

“Hey Sean, big shot over there said this was for Y/N” Robin said placing the box on the bar

“Told you” Sean said as he took the box from Robin and walked off 

The trio knew that you weren’t going to accept the gift and Robin and Sean knew that you had rejected Jack because of your feelings for Steve but they weren’t going to tell him that just yet

“Do you think that if Y/N and Jack get married he’ll let us move in with them or will we have to stay at the apartment while she lives in a mansion?” Robin said as she looked at Steve’s annoyed look 

“I don’t know Robin now get back to work” Steve said walking away from her 

Robin tried to hold in her laugh as she walked away from the bar to attend to the costumers all around her. The fan favorite ‘Good Girl’ started playing throughout the speakers and you appeared wearing a blond wig wearing some white lingerie. You had a part where you were dancing on the bar and which Steve had to help you move from one end towards where the mirrors were behind him. You grabbed the hat off his head, which wasn’t part of the choreography you just did it because you thought it looked good, and winked at him as you continued the song, he laughed but moved out of the way giving the crowd a view of you as you dropped down and then stood back up. 

After, the performance was over you had some time to kill before the next song, so you decided to take the gift back to Jack before you forgot about it. You walked towards his table holding the box

“There she is” Jack said as he smiled at you

“Hey” you said and before you could say anything else he interrupted you 

“Did you like the shoes I got you?” Jack said gesturing to the obviously unopened box

“I didn’t open them, listen I really appreciate the gesture, but I told you that I can’t be accepting these gifts and that I didn’t like the fact that you keep doing this inspire of me telling you to stop” you said sliding the box over

“Well Nicole liked it, so I don’t see the issue” Jack said 

“Well, I’m not her, so please stop and please just leave me alone like I have asked of you several times” you said as you turned to walk away from him 

He grabbed your arm rather roughly and pulled you towards him 

“Listen here, you little bitch you’re not going to disrespect me like that especially in front of so many people take the fucking gift and the benefits that will come with it” Jack said as you tried to pull your arm out of his grasp

You pulled your hand out od his grasp and walked away from him. You knew he was staring at you as you walked off seeing as you could feel him staring and the mirrors in front of you showed he in fact was looking at you

“Are you okay?” Steve said as you stood by the bar

“Yeah, god, I don’t get why he just can’t leave me alone no matter how much I ask and how many times I say I have a boyfriend he doesn’t stop” you said as he stood in front of you 

“Maybe if he saw you with that said boyfriend, he would leave you alone” Steve said making you roll your eyes

“I don’t get it, why does he need to see me with someone to leave me alone and small issue I don’t have a boyfriend” you said 

“I know, he’s a fucking ass but listen” Steve began to say but you cut him off 

“I don’t even know why I’m talking to you right now I’m mad at you” you said 

“What did I do?” Steve said looking at 

“Oh, come on, you kiss me making me feel something and then say that you didn’t mean it like what is that all about” you say pushing his chest a but 

“Wait, you like me?” Steve said and you laughed 

“Um yeah, thought I made that pretty clear I guess not” you said crossing your arms over your chest

“Kiss me” Steve said as he moved closer towards you

“So, you can say that you didn’t mean it again?” you said making him laugh as your hands went to the side of his face

“Shut up” Steve said pressing his lips to yours 

You smiled into the kiss as he pulled you closer towards him. Steve pulled away and kissed your forehead

“You can officially say you have a boyfriend” Steve said making you look around 

“You found me one? Where? I’m kidding” you said with a laugh making him roll his eyes

You look over his shoulder to see Jack being escorted out by some security guards 

“If he comes back in here let me or Jess know, he isn’t allowed back in” Sean said making you jump 

You looked to your right to see him standing next to you and Steve with his arms crossed

“Jess and I saw the whole thing and the next time something like that happens and you don’t tell us we’re gonna have issues” Sean said looking at you 

“But I knew that you were looking at me” you said with a smile 

“Yeah, right, let’s go time to get ready” Sean said motioning you towards the back

You moved out of Steve’s embrace and walked towards the door when a newspaper hit your ass 

“Hey” you said looking back at Sean 

“Come on hurry it up” Sean said as he walked behind you making you laugh as well 

You both walked to the door that led to the stairs up to the dressing room when Sean got close to you 

“So, he finally made his move?” Sean said 

“Yeah, about time” you said making him laugh 

“Baby you could made a move on him too” Sean said 

“Shut up” you said making him laugh

“It would’ve happened eventually. It’s pretty obvious you two are bound to be together” Sean said with a smile as he walked away leaving you standing in front of your vanity with a smile 

[bear-remn]

୨ৎ Valentines day special v1 ୨ৎ

hi! heres the firts part of the valentines special, im so excited to start pósting again with this little series, so i hope you gals enjoy it as much as i did making it! ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ੈ♡‧₊

︵‿ ⊹ ︵‿୨ ♡ ୧‿︵ ⊹ ‿︵

the night was calm, the full moon shiny on the deep blue eyes, the waves were soothing to hear. shu had taken kirari to the beach, a place she had never been nefore, as shu rested on a chair with his feet on the sand, kirari came toward him and sat on his lap.

"was the sea good?" he ask as his hads came to her waist and legs to hug her.

"its perfect, i tought it will be cold but it was amazing" her heart for some reason was beating faster than usual, she wasnt sure if it was because of the new place she was visiting, the sea, a place she tought was only to see on movies, or it was the fact that shu wanted her to see new things, it was strange to her but it felt so right.

"blue suits you well" shu commented as his hand on her leg touched the silky fabric of her dress "did you wanted to match the sea perhaps? or the night sky?" a soft smile appeard on his lips.

"not really..." she said softly, she hold his face and came closer to look into her eyes, she loved those deep and pretty eyes, for kirari, shu had the pretties and most hypnotizing eyes she had ever seen in her life, she couldnt put it into words but she feelt like shu eyes the only part of his body where she could see him naked, if that maked any sense "i actually wanted to match your eyes..." kiraris voice came a little embarassed, she is not the type to complement, she only does it to shu but, not so much.

"my eyes?" his low tone maked her skin get chills, and as kirari saw shu eyes as the most calming and deep way of his soul, shu could see the burning desire into her yelloish eyes, like a big and strong flame burning everything she sees and touch, at firts it was a little scary how deep she could go with so little, but shu got used to it and find it a home, a partner he actually want to keep and proctect of everyone and everything "the nails too?"

"if i am matching it mush be well done, is innit?" she smiled.

"the cutesy of humans keeps surprising me, why the need to match huh?" shu didnt get why humans acted like that and call it romantic, it was odd for him but he enjoy it, shu loves every little detail kirari does for him.

"because... i dont know, i love your eyes and it feels like i..." she bited her tongue before saying it, she understand better how vampires loved, so her way to be romantic and show people they were a couple its not the same as them, but she can handle it "like if i belong to you... in some way" shus fangs flashed as he laughs.

shu its not easy to make happy to the point of laughing, but shu couldnt help but to fin hilarious how kirari always bring that up, it was a little romantic for him but it was still funny to him.

"stop laughing!"

"so you say youre mine?" shu said with a smirk.

"i wont say it again"

"i wont laught i promise"

"youre just making fun of me!"

"im not"

they stay quiet for a little until both of them smiled.

"youre pretty like that" shu said as he hold her close.

"youre dumb"

"am i?" he said smiling, he liked these kind of moment, anoying kirari was a good hobbie, everything with kirari was better "im just in love"

kiraris cheeks grow red and her smile was hard to hide, just hearing him say that sentence, was enought for her to be happy, was enough to make her soul flutter, this kind of moments make her excited to spend eternity with him, together until their bones becomes dust and hell receive their souls as one.

"i love you, shu"

kirari looked into his eyes, drowning her soul with those killer blue eyes.

[effable-as-f]

Outer Wilds reminds me of this dream I had once where we knew that the world was about to end because the Sun was expanding into a red giant and was about to consume the Earth within its mass, and I decided that for some reason the one thing I really wanted to make sure I got to do before I died was to drink an Ale8. So I went to the Circle K near my house and got one and just held it up to the cashier and was like "Can I just... take this? Since... y'know." and they said they didn't see any reason why not. I asked them why they were even still at work given what was happening, and they said that like it just didn't occur to them that they could just leave, or else they just couldn't decide what else to do with their time.

So I drank my drink, and we had a heart to heart although I don't remember anything else that was said. Then after a while I went out to the parking lot, laid down on the ground, closed my eyes, and just waited. I felt this sense of incredible heat and pressure that got more and more intense, but then eventually I realized, I was still fine, I wasn't burning up. So I opened my eyes, and the sky looked just like it had when I got to see a solar eclipse, almost as dark as night but still weirdly bright. Somehow (probably because my brain didn't know how to simulate the feeling of my entire body being melted by the heat of the sun) the outer edge of the sun had just passed through us harmlessly and we were now inside it, and it was still expanding quickly so the sky was gradually going back to normal, except the sun was no longer there. The last thing I remember before waking up was just driving around my hometown, coming to terms with the fact that everything was still here and wondering what was going to happen now.

So yeah the experience of playing Outer Wilds is kinda like that

[savagewildnerness]

You could literally never talk too much about Nicolas for me! Never fear! In fact, it will be you asking me to be quiet and me saying too much! Apologies. My reply here is long!

I have never heard of "cyclothymia" before. The name sounds so poetic, so already I like it, hehe. I know that shouldn't be the point! I can see this, because were it more severe, even in this era I imagine people would speak in a different way about Nicolas. Probably not Lestat. But other people likely would. Even though they wouldn't have this terminology. Nicolas struggles, but he is able to hide it enough to function in a way that appears as though he is OK from the perspective of others. Thank you for teaching me my new word and fact of the day here too!

So, while I agree that how Armand tortures Nicolas fully breaks his final shreds of reason, personally I think the point of no return for Nicolas is earlier than Armand's abduction.

I think Nicolas' mind is broken beyond repair the night Lestat has his on-stage breakdown at Renaud's and then Nicolas watches him be shot dead, but survive.

Lestat writes:

"Nicki had raced up the stairs and was now rushing into the box. A low hysterical murmuring was issuing from him. He thought he was witnessing my death. And I stood still hearkening to my body in that terrible solitude that had been mine since Magnus made me the vampire. And I knew the wounds were no longer there. The blood was drying on the silk vest, drying on the back of my torn coat. My body throbbed where the bullet had passed through me and my veins were alive with the same pulling, but the injury was no more. And Nicolas, coming to his senses as he looked at me, realised I was unharmed, though his reason told him it couldn't be true. I pushed past him and made for the stairs. He flung himself against me and I threw him off. I couldn't stand the sight of him, the smell of him. "Get away from me!" I said. But he came back again and he locked his arm around my neck. His face was bloated and there was an awful sound coming out of him. "Let go of me. Nicki!" I threatened him. If I shoved him off too roughly, I'd tear his arms out of the sockets, break his back. Break his back . . . He moaned, stuttered. And for one harrowing split second the sounds he made were as terrible as the sound that had come from my dying animal on the mountain, my horse, crushed like an insect into the snow. I scarcely knew what I was doing when I pried loose his hands. The crowd broke, screaming, when I walked out onto the boulevard. Renaud ran forward, in spite of those trying to restrain him. "Monsieur!" He grabbed my hand to kiss it and stopped, staring at the blood. "Nothing, my dear Renaud," I said to him, quite surprised at the steadiness of my voice and its softness. But something distracted me as I started to speak again, something I should hearken to, I thought vaguely, yet I went on. "Don't give it a thought, my dear Renaud," I said. "Stage blood, nothing but an illusion. It was all an illusion. A new kind of theatrical. Drama of the grotesque, yes, the grotesque." But again came that distraction, something I was sensing in the melee around me, people shuffling and pushing to get close but not too close, Nicolas stunned and staring. "Go on with your plays," I was saying, almost unable to concentrate on my own words, "Your acrobats, your tragedies, your more civilized theatricals, if you like." I pulled the bank notes out of my pocket and put them in his unsteady hand. I spilled gold coins onto the pavement. The actors darted forward fearfully to gather them up. I scanned the crowd around for the source of this strange distraction, what was it, not Nicolas in the door of the deserted theatre, watching me with a broken soul."

Lestat compares Nicki to his dying mare here and I think from this point on, Nicolas, just like Lestat's mare will die. The only hope, I think would have been if Lestat had taken Nicki with him this night and at least told him some thing he could understand (Tell some lie! Anything! He needed some understanding. But Lestat couldn't have done this as the state of mind and lack of physical control he was in, he would more likely have killed Nicki that night, no matter what he might have intended.)

Anyway, Nicolas leaves Renaud's and never goes back. He leaves his violin locked in the dressing room and never plays it again as a mortal, until Lestat retrieves it once he is a vampire. He stops eating, drinks as if actively trying to die, spends existence wandering in the worst and most dangerous places, fully believes Lestat must have never loved him now because his mind has no other way he can comprehend what he experienced this night other than that Lestat is part of some secret sorcery society which he considers Nicolas too lowly in status to be let in on the knowledge himself. Nicolas must think now that he has been stupid and naive and that actually Lestat never loved him and he didn't know him the way he had thought.

And as I write this I realise that at this point, Nicolas has become the exact type of mortal Armand seeks for his victims. Nicolas is actively inviting death. And Armand is death. I can only imagine the kind of things Armand must have said to Nicolas in his mind. Armand, also religious understands Nicolas' religious upbringing in a way Lestat cannot truly as well. And Armand can use both his understanding of Nicolas' religion as well as all of Nicolas' deepest fears about Lestat that he can read in Nicki's mind against Nicki to further disintegrate Nicolas' last shreds of reason. As if the torture by an entire coven of monstrous vampires, alongside discovering your love is one such creature wasn't enough for his already shattered soul to fully dissolve.

But I think even if Armand had not abducted Nicolas, Nicolas was already just as much at the point of no hope and no return by this point, as I see it.

In terms of the violin virtuoso Nicolas heard... I'm going to say that if Anne Rice had intended a specific virtuoso she would have named them. After all, she names Mozart as teaching Nicolas. I also am not sure how deeply she considered every aspect around Nicolas and his music. For example, there is no way in reality that Nicolas could have picked up the violin having never played before and reached the standard he does in... well it cannot have been more than a year Nicki has played for, right? Doesn't Gabrielle say he doesn't begin playing till he is 20 and he is made a vampire at 21. Nicolas might bemoan that he can never be as good as he would like on violin, but the reality is he'd have to be an actual savant to get to the skill level he does in so short a time. It's miraculous! Even if he'd been playing 2, 3 years - it's impossible he's so good as he is. And I know Mozart was strapped for cash, but I find it hard to believe he'd have taken on absolute beginners as students...? Unless the children of someone very important...? But then, I guess if Nicolas progressed at this genius level, that's no issue as he wouldn't be a beginner presumably by the time Mozart taught him.

Anyway, Tartini is a good call as inspiration... and maybe even more I'd say as inspiration for Nicolas himself. As Tartini studied divinity and law. How Nicolas can you get?! And of course, The Devil's Violinist himself, Paganini has to be an inspiration for Anne - for Nicolas and for the violinist he heard. Tartini is a little too early for Nicolas to have heard him and Paganini too late. But there must have been so many violin virtuosos of the time.

If we want to think of actual possibilities though, a pupil of Tartini's school seems likely to me: Pietro Nardini is a possibility, a friend of Mozart's Father, or Gaetano Pugnani however, I imagine Nicolas being astonished by someone closer to his own age, so I look at Pugnani's pupil, Giovanni Battista Viotti. Viotti made his debut in Paris in 1782, so it's slightly too late, but I think it's asking a lot to find a virtuoso exactly as Anne describes on exactly the right date (I presume around 1778/1779.)

I think there's zero chance we'll see Nicki's inspiration on TV... which is a shame, as although not Italian as Anne describes, wouldn't Joseph Bologne, Chevalier de Saint-Georges have been a great inspiration for the virtuoso TV-Nicolas heard? Anyway... I'm very much in danger of losing myself in a 18th century violin virtuoso deep dive, so I'll end there...!!

"The glaze over his eyes broke instantly into tears. His face knotted. Unspoken words coming from him of love". This is what Lestat read in the mind of the mortal Nicki before making him a vampire, and thoughts cannot be faked. The mortal Nicki loved Lestat until his last breath.

Yes! I love this moment. Just moments before Lestat turns Nicolas, and Nicolas still loves Lestat.

As a vampire, the main feeling is heated hatred from both Nicolas and Lestat towards each other. But for me, even then it doesn't mean the end of love. Rather it is borne of love. And love does still exist. Lestat cannot bear the dight of Nicolas now. And yet he also cannot bear the thought of him not existing. Nicki cannot bear to look upon Lestat now. And yet, I fancy part of why is that Nicki himself knows clearly he's headed to death once he is a vampire and now he surely wouldn't want to drag Lestat there too. Much as Lestat cannot stand the sight of vampire Nicolas, I do not think Lestat would have left him, had Nicki not so forcefully pushed Lestat to leave. So Lestat and we should thank Nicki for it. It's far from certain there's any love at all left in Nicki at this time. But I'm just saying, it could still be one motivation, amid Nicolas' hatred, beyond Nicki's mania. In Nicki's final cruelty towards Lestat, he actually enables Lestat to live his immortal life.

Even years on, Lestat goes Into The Earth when Nicki dies. Of course, Lestat suffers many other losses at this time too. But would a Lestat himself only 30 in mortal years have survived watching Nicolas suffer in that decade and eventually go into the fire in an exact recreation of The Witches' Place. I do not think Lestat's heart could have withstood that. Even as things are, Gabrielle worries Lestat might end himself when leaving him.

Yeah. Nicolas, always destined to end in tragedy.

[ef-1]

girlhood

[acourtofquestions]

Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:

She'd rebuild it—what she had been.

Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.

Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."

"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.

"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."

"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.

Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.

Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.

At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.

In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.

She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.

Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."

A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.

She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."

Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."

"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."

Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.

"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."

"I do know."

"And?"

"And what do you wish me to say?"

She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. If…"

"If what?"

"If you wish it wasn't so."

His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"

She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.

It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.

"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."

She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.

"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."

She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"

"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just ….." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."

"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."

"Then it is her choice, not yours."

Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."

"What did she show you?" A breathless question.

Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have been—if there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."

She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."

His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"

She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.

Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."

She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.

"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.

"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."

A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requires—"

"We'll face it together," he swore again.

"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.

Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."

"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."

She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.

"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."

She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.

She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"

"I thought you might want to be asked first."

"That never stopped you before."

"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.

She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."

He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.

"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."

The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.

"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.

Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.

Together.

[wolfwarrior142]

Have always really appreciated Callum talking about his conflicting emotions at the end of 306. About how he was so angry and sad about seeing Avizandum dead, because the dragon killed his mother, but also confused because that same dragon was the father of Zym, the Dragon Prince, a baby dragon who they all love and are determined to protect. Who also never got to meet his father, because Callum's stepdad killed Avizandum months before Zym hatched. And that happened because Avizandum killed Sarai, mother of Callum and Ez. It's a cycle, if you will. And Callum, who is now 14 and lost his mother when he was around 5 years old, is feeling such conflicting emotions about seeing Avizandum's stone corpse frozen in time.

I really love how mature that discussion is. Even one of my coworkers who I got into the show commented on how well done and impactful that little scene was. Yeah, loss and mourning can be like that. Even when there isn't a cycle of revenge involved. I've been there as well, experiencing similar emotions. I'll always appreciate how they did that scene as it was an important topic done in a very realistic way.

[californiaquail]

well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨

[irishbreakfst]

Is it valid to get mad at your significant other for something they didn't do but that you feel could realistically happen or do I need to calm down

[violet-dragonfly]

my mother is gaslighting me again

[butterfly-in-progress]

I was born with a mask

Or I might as well have been

I didn't even know what my own face looked like

As the years went on

I added to it

Layers upon layers caked onto my face

A protective shell

But you were by my side when there were cracks in it

You loved me when the mask was still new and didn't cover much

You were with me for so long, through so much

I thought

That after the long and arduous process

Of hammering at this ceramic

To chip away the layers

And let my face feel the sun

You would rejoice as I did at seeing my face

But instead I have to wonder if you ever loved me in the first place

And chip you off of my heart

[inkykeiji]

This is a random question but do you and your boyfriend have some similarities and differences like your iterations and their reader? meaning like do you write your stories with certain personality traits that match you and your boyfriend? (Not like the toxic traits that your iterations have) 

yes!!! every single one of my iterations + my readers have bits and pieces of me within them: bmb's reader is pretty much all of my flaws shoved in one person and then amplified, touya-nii's reader is this very fragile, deep part of myself, tag's reader is me lmao, touya-nii's perfectionism mirrors my own, bmb dabi's love for classic sci-fi comes from my boyfriend, the majority of my iterations drinking black coffee comes from my boyfriend, all of their cocks look like his, all of my smut pulls from my own personal experiences in varying degrees (sometimes a little, sometimes a lot), etc etc. there are bits and pieces of each of us (and my other family members, and my best friends) scattered throughout my characters! <3

[malkaviian]

random oc facts, of the "they have problems" flavor