#like i really don't think people should only be stuck on this one platform when Harris brokering deals w Israel is a better option than

[femmesandhoney]

I'm still wondering why you think her ambiguity implies her siding with palestine. What makes you think that's not what she actually stands for?

Moreover, I never stated the gaza war was should be the deciding factor behind who you should be voting for. I was just shocked that you guys adore her this much. I used to be under the impression that she was "the lesser of two evils" and better her than trump type of choice.

I think she's normal enough to not want to see Palestinians experience a genocide, along with the fact she said so? She thinks the genocide is terrible, and it's obvious if she wasn't a spokesperson for the entire state she would have stronger words about it. Foreign policy with a mad man is not something you handle like a bull in a china shop, like idk why that's confusing, but I never expected to hear anything but politispeak especially during a campaign, even if its frustrating.

Also who says I adore her? You're seeing reverent awe when I'm just excited for the prospect of the first female president 😭?? I think she's an eloquent speaker, I find her personality charming enough for a political leader repping the country, and her policies are decent. Usually when people are referring to "lesser of two evils" it may be in relation to one specific policy thats upsetting and difficult to decide on, like the Palestine/Israel one. But I don't think overall shes a "lesser of two evils" candidate, like she's a very qualified candidate here. It's mostly Republicans tryna push the narrative that they're somehow on the same level of "bad". At most, Harris is hindered by US foreign policy on Israel. Then, Trump is Trump.

[batboyblog]

The recent Chappell Roan thing is why I absolutely hate the lack of political literacy in this country. Big-name celebrities think they're really cooking when they say "well Kamala still supports blowing up Palestinian babies because she won't cut ties with Israel, so therefore I'm not voting for her and you shouldn't either! Both her and Trump suck so I'm not voting/voting third party!"

Like it or not, Israel is an ALLY of the United States. We CAN'T just cut ties with them unless it's a long drawn-out process, and even then it's probably NEVER going to happen. This is basic shit we learned in social studies, holy shit!

Trump would be so much fucking worse for everyone involved, including Palestine, and not voting or voting third party is pretty much just handing your vote over to Trump due to how voting WORKS in a two-party system dictated by the fucked up electoral college.

This was a long ramble and you've probably gotten similar asks the last few months like this, but fuck, I just have to get this off my chest, and the most recent event with her was like the straw that broke the camel's back. Celebs in general need to shut the fuck up about politics unless they are actually partaking in activism instead of this virtue-signaling bullshit.

Taking things one thing at a time.

I'll admit to having only seen Chappell Roan's final video on the subject, so idk what she said before that (outside of generally)

The two things that really stuck out to me and pissed me off about that live/video was she 1. accused Democrats (she said "the left" but was clearly in context talking about the Democrats) for "transphobic policy" (also genocidal, equally silly) and it was SUCH a groundless lie, such a baseless, stupid, uninformed, silly lie. It'd be like saying "yes the right is bad! but Kamala Harris says she wants to shoot a pony every day of her Presidency and I can't support that!" And to be a Queer artist who's whole thing is centering Queer art, particularly drag who's got a young maybe not very informed queer fan base who's made talking about trans rights your main political thing to just lie about the nature of the threat to trans rights and trans lives at this moment is fucking awful and downright criminal.

Listen right now Republicans are aggressively attacking Democrats on trans rights. Trump went after Harris at their debate for "trans surgeries for illegal aliens in prison!" Republicans are attacking Tim Walz as "tampon Tim" for the idea that he supports trans male students having access to tampons (and other crazy transphobic attacks on him) Republicans are centering transphobia as a main campaign issue, anyone who gives a fuck about trans people in this nation should know Trump and Creepy Vance in charge of the federal government? is the nightmare. You can't claim to care about trans people or be "centering" them and not be doing all you can to stop Republicans at the ballot box this November. And both siding it and saying bullshit that somehow it will be just as bad if Democrats win is not stopping Republicans no matter how you personally vote.

The Second thing in her video that really annoyed me was she said she was voting for Harris but then had a whole word salad about how everyone needed to make up their own minds about who would be best. Basically saying that while she was voting for Harris, a vote for Trump was a reasonable conclusion people could reach. Again if you truly care about the issues she says she cares about, no, you can't vote for Trump. And again to use your platform to push "both sides" is to throw the very people you claim are your brand under the bus in the worst way.

I don't like to throw people under the bus for their family, Tim Walz' brother is a MAGA lunatic for example, but Chappell Roan talked about Republican family that "loved her" and I can't help but wonder if she was thinking of her Republican State Rep uncle, Darin Chappell. Again people can't control family members and I'm not asking anyone to come out and attack their family in public. I'm just wondering if her views on Republicans and finding a middle ground and "they still love me" is colored by Uncle Darin and not understanding he might love her and be proud of her but he still walks into the Missouri state capital and votes for abortion bans and transphobia.

to move onto the meat of your ask which I think is less about Roan in particular and more generalized about a certain type of celebrity and GenZ very on-line types. On the whole Israel-Palestine thing, I think most of the people posting about it know very little or know a lot of misinformation, you every see people boldly posting "I don't need to know everything to know right from wrong!" you run into that a lot. And I'd say yes, you do need to know a lot to comment on a complex multi generational ethnic-political conflict with many state and non-state actors.

Last night JD Vance and Tim Walz had their debate and every time there was an issue, housing costs, medical costs, gun violence, inflation, Vance would move it around to how if we just deported all the immigrants the issue would be fixed, no more drugs no more gun violence, housing would be cheap, just get rid of the people I don't like.

And I see a lot of that with Israel, "Palestine is a climate issue!" "Queer as in Free Palestine!" etc where if we just get rid of Israel it'll all be fixed. Which of course connects to long standing antisemitic ideas about Jews running the world, people happily sub in the word "Israel" or "Zionist" and then repeat the same old racism thats followed the Jews around for 1,000 years.

So long and short I think most people talking about Palestine don't know enough to talk about it, but what's worse don't really care about Palestine at all

I'm reminded here of Trump's "Deal of the Century". Oh? you don't remember it? shocker, in January 2020 Trump released a "peace plan" drawn up with no Palestinians involved, where Israel would be allowed to annex everything in the West Bank it would want, the Jordan Vally cutting Palestine off from Jordan and totally encircling it with Israel. The West Bank would be Swiss cheesed up into little pockets connected by tunnels or overpasses but with Israeli territory running through it everywhere. The Palestinians said "no!" and then Netanyahu claimed that Trump had green lit Israel to annex the land it wanted even without Palestinian agreement to the plan and without giving the Palestinians anything. There was some confusion and thankfully that didn't happen. We may never know the fully story of what stopped it, but I do think Trump agreed to annexing much of the West Bank, but pulled back under pressure from Gulf Arab Oil states who later in 2020 made peace with Israel in the Abraham Accords in an effort to stop Netanyahu's annexation plans.

any ways to point out, 1. Palestine was on the edge of annexation the end of the dream of Palestinian statehood in any meaningful sense, and where were the protests? the encampments? etc? it never comes up, 4 years ago, and all the people who live and breath this stuff never mention it? 2. We have reason to believe Trump signed off on a far-right government of Israel annexing much of the West Bank, his "peace plan" abandoned the outlines that American Presidents since Bill Clinton set forward for getting a Palestinian state on 95+% of the West Bank in favor of "what does the Israeli right want?" and again no one is talking about it in the context of this election, we know what he'll do, because he's done it before.

but again its not really about the Palestinians, its not about building a Palestinian state, its "get rid of Israel" and then what? what happens to the 9 million people who live in Israel? and people don't have a realistic answer, because its a political fantasy that if they just do X everything will magically get better, even on totally unrelated issues.

[lilacmingi]

THE GOAT

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works

Pairing: Hongjoong x fem reader, Mingi x fem reader

Word count: 4,790

Note: I’m doing something new with this little series. Each part will have two imagines based on the duos from the Bouncy music video, so you guys are getting TWO imagines in one :D

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐉𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐆 | 홍중

Hongjoong released a long sigh, staring through the telescope he held between his glove-clad hands.

"Tired?" You questioned.

He scoffed. "No."

"Liar."

"I'm used to staying up late. You should know this by now."

"Yeah, yeah." You waved a dismissive hand, repositioning yourself on the raised platform Hongjoong sat upon, fixing your gaze on the city below. "How many nights are we going to spend keeping watch out here like this?"

"Until we get the signal."

"The signal." You muttered through a sigh of exasperation. "And when will we be getting that?"

"Don't know." Hongjoong pushed the telescope closed and set it aside.

You leaned back, resting on your palms while gazing out at the nighttime cityscape lit up with vibrant neon hues from the different signs displayed on buildings. The streets were empty, completely vacant and void of any civilians. This place you called your temporary home was practically a ghost town. Despite the people here being away from the government's control, they all seemed to prefer to move quietly throughout to city so as not to draw any attention to themselves.

The sound of a motorcycle revving loudly echoed somewhere in the distance.

Well, except some people.

Hongjoong chuckled softly. "That must be Seonghwa."

"Must be. What is he doing anyway?"

"Riding around with his new motorcycle gang I suppose."

"That doesn't seem like something that pertains to the plan."

"No, but who says we can't have a little fun while we wait to put the plan in motion? He grinned.

"Yeah. You have a point."

"Plus, we're just regular civilians going about our daily lives. Isn't that right?"

"Right."

Hongjoong adjusted the hat on his head, pushing it back enough to where he could look up at the stars. His cowboy attire was a bit ridiculous, but it was his disguise and unfortunately yours as well. All the boys were staying in separate hideouts around the city. You, Hongjoong, and Mingi were located in a part of the city that had a more western feel to it and in order to blend in, you had to dress the part. Not only that, but the boys were wanted for their crimes against the government and they needed to keep a low profile, lest they get captured by the android guardians.

"Mingi's face is plastered all over the city." You commented, recalling the numerous sketches of him you had seen stuck to nearly every building.

"I know."

"You don't think our cover is gonna get blown?"

"No. There have been plenty of times we've almost been caught in the past, but we always make it out."

He had a point. All of them were uncannily lucky when it came to escaping the clutches of the android guardians. Yes, Yeosang got captured once, but he was brought back completely unscathed with his emotions still intact. That was a miracle in and of itself. There wasn't a day that went by where the boys weren't thankful for all eight of them being safe.

"At this point, what are we even watching for? Nothing has happened in Prestige Academy for months."

"We're not watching for anything. We're just keeping an eye on them."

You hummed and nodded, your fingers mindlessly fiddling with the fringe on your vest.

"Do you ever miss home?" You questioned, eyes locked on the dreary slate gray city of Strictland far in the distance—a reminder of how vastly dissimilar this world was from the one you grew up in.

Hongjoong pursed his lips in thought.

"Not really. Our lives weren't exactly perfect and it seemed like none of us had a purpose. The group broke apart and everyone was dealing with their own issues. Here, we have a purpose and whatever problems we had back home are insignificant now, especially compared to the threat we're facing here." There was a brief pause before he added, "What about you?"

"Do I miss home?" You questioned.

He nodded.

"No, but sometimes yes. Back in our world, I felt stuck I guess. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I felt like I was being held back. If you can believe it, I feel more free here, even with all the rules the government is trying to enforce."

Hongjoong chuckled softly. "I get what you mean."

"When we first started this journey together, I was terrified. I didn't think I had it in me to make such daring moves, but now I want to do thrilling things like infiltrating an academy, but I do sometimes miss the normality of my old life. I miss hanging out with you guys in that old tin building."

"I do too." Hongjoong smiled fondly, turning to you. "But it's like I said earlier, who says we can't have a little fun? This dystopian world may be bleak, but we can still take it easy and have moments of normalcy."

The light from the large neon sign reading The Goat shone along his face, highlighting his side profile as he looked at you. It was a heavenly sight and one that had your heart thumping wildly with adoration.

You felt strongly about Hongjoong and had been quietly swooning over him for a long time now. Unfortunately, with all of the chaos constantly going on around you, there was no possibility of confessing. However, in this moment of vulnerability, you found yourself uttering something you normally wouldn't say.

"I'm glad I'm here with you."

Hongjoong's head lifted at your words. Now that he was looking at you, his eyes studying your face, you got nervous.

"Sorry." You murmured an apology, fiddling with the fringe of your vest again. "It's just that... well, you mean a lot to me and if we hadn't gone on this rollercoaster of a journey together and I stayed at our old home I'd probably be miserable. What I'm trying to say is that I'm thankful that we stuck together."

His gaze softened, a gentle smile gracing his pretty lips.

"I feel the same way."

A beat passed and Hongjoong scooted closer, it was unnoticed by you, as you'd turned your gaze back to the neon dotted cityscape ahead, staring out at the nighttime scene. His lips pressed together in momentary contemplation while his fingers fidgeted with the chains attached to his black leather gloves.

Hongjoong was a smart man, but your words caused him some confusion. Was that a confession? A subtle way to declare your feelings without saying it outright? Maybe you were just showing him appreciation for your companionship—or maybe you were hinting that you wanted something more. He hoped it was the latter.

There was only one way to find out.

He had taken on the android guardians multiple times, broke into a museum to steal the Cromer, snuck around Strictland to set up speakers, and now he was planning to infiltrate Prestige Academy to save as many students as possible, which would be one of their biggest and riskiest plans ever. Confessing is nothing compared to that. It should be a piece of cake. Keyword should.

Swallowing his pride and pushing away his nerves, he leaned over towards you, the movement grabbing your attention. Seeing how close he was made you tense up, but you didn't make any efforts to move away. Truthfully, you didn't want to.

His eyes were a little wider than usual, hesitancy swimming in his brown irises. The reason for that reluctance, you didn't know.

"Hongjoong?" Your voice came out much quieter than you intended. "What's happening?"

"I'm about to kiss you."

There was a brief pause of silence as your brain processed what he had just said. The only word that managed to come out of your mouth in response was,

"Okay."

You hardly had time to internally cringe at your lame response as Hongjoong's lips made contact with yours, promptly silencing your thoughts. Their softness alone had your mind turning to mush, your eyelids sliding closed as you practically melted into him. His gloved hand moved to cradle the side of your face while your hands relocated from your lap to the nape of his neck to keep him held close, hoping that this moment would last long enough for you to believe it wasn't a dream. His kisses were so delicate and slow. It felt like he was pouring all of his emotions into it, conveying just how much you meant to him with each gentle press of his lips.

Only a few moments passed before Hongjoong's kisses became a little more heated as he picked up the pace, moving his lips with more urgency. He even nipped at your bottom lip a couple times, earning a quiet squeak of surprise from you. You were thankful to be sitting down or else your knees would have given out on the spot. He chuckled lowly against your lips, amused by your reaction. His sultry laugh made your heart thump rapidly, your hands tightening into fists.

It wasn't long before your hands moved to his hat, pulling it off his head and tossing it to the side somewhere so you could card your fingers through his blue locks, grabbing handfuls of it. He let out a low hum that vibrated against your lips and sent a rush of butterflies to your stomach. After a particularly dizzying kiss, you sighed out his name, your mind far too clouded to realize what you had said. Hongjoong couldn't ignore the way that lit a fire in him. He liked how you sounded and he wanted to hear it again.

At this point, keeping watch was at the back of Hongjoong's mind. All he could think about was you and how glorious it felt to be kissing you like this and what it would take for you to say his name again.

"Say my name." He sighed out between heated kisses. "Please."

You did as he asked, repeating his name in a breathless whisper, egging him on.

His hand that cupped your cheek slid around to the back of your neck, his thumb gently rubbing your nape. You suppressed a shiver as he took your bottom lip between his, encasing it in warmth.

The both of you parted ways, Hongjoong's eyes looking hazy while his tongue darted out to wet his lips that were slightly swollen from your intense make out session. It seemed impossible, but he looked even more stunning than usual.

"What was that for?" You questioned breathlessly.

"I didn't know how else to convey my feelings."

"So, instead of just confessing, you did something riskier by kissing me?" You asked amusedly.

"What can I say? I'm a man who likes to take risks." The statement was confident, but judging by the pink tinting the tips of his ears, the thought of straight up confessing hadn't crossed his mind.

"Now what?"

"Well..." Hongjoong trailed off, his hand finding yours. "We can be together and still take down Prestige."

You gave a lighthearted chuckle. "Alright then. If you think you can handle balancing a relationship and overthrowing the government."

"Please." He scoffed playfully. "I'm the captain. I can handle anything."

Hongjoong's eyes shifted slightly, moving away from your face and focusing on something in the distance.

"Someone's coming." He announced, his gaze fixed on a figure riding a delivery scooter.

You chuckled softly even though you were bummed out that the moment had ended.

Duty calls.

He scrambled for his telescope, opening it up and peering through the glass.

"We didn't order any food." You mused.

"I know."

He zeroed in on a logo stuck to the delivery scooter that read Blue Bird Delivery. A silent sigh of relief was released. As the person approached, Hongjoong began messing with the pulley system attached to the roof of the building, lowering a beat up metal bucket to the ground below.

The moped came to a stop and the rider pulled out a plastic bag, placing it in the bucket before Hongjoong raised it.

"Is that Yeosang?"

"I think so."

The driver, who you assumed to be Yeosang got back onto the scooter and took off towards his next destination.

Hongjoong removed the plastic bag, carelessly tossing it aside as he opened the styrofoam takeout container. Inside was a single Cheongyang chili pepper.

Your brows furrowed in perplexmxent, wondering why Yeosang would bring you something like that. Hongjoong removed the paper from the container and examined it briefly. Glancing around, he broke open the green chili pepper, pulling out a rolled up note that had been put inside.

"What it is?" You inquired, watching as he unraveled it.

"It's time."

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐈 | 민기

The atmosphere in the dim Chili Peppers bar was filled with the sound of low murmuring from the few patrons it housed, the occasional sound of clinking glasses or pool being played accompanied the low conversations. You pressed the corners of the wrinkled paper to the wall, hanging a new wanted poster, this one bigger than the ones that already hung there. Most of them depicted the same man while others showed images of a few other fugitives who were believed to run in the same group. The only thing that was different from the rest was that any poster that showed this particular man said DEAD OR ALIVE in large letters. You weren't exactly sure as to why this man was wanted, but you heard whispers throughout the city that he looted local businesses in the area and sometimes traveled with a group of other fugitives. Some even say he runs with the masked men in fedoras, but you're not sure—this town talks a lot.

The wooden doors of the saloon squeaked as they were pushed open by a strong force. A tall figure stepped into the establishment, all of the attention drawn to him, the chatter in the bar coming to an abrupt stop. Every patron in the saloon had their heads directed towards the stranger, their eyes following him across the room. He wore a large hat that blocked his face, keeping his head low as he approached the bar you stood behind. You took note of the large shotgun strapped to his back, not thinking too much of it, as quite a few people around here carried weapons with them.

"How can I help you?" You asked, leaning on the wooden bar top.

"Why else do you think I came to this bar?" The man responded, his voice low and incredibly deep.

"Not everybody comes into this bar to drink, you know."

"Soju." He responded, taking a seat on one of the stools.

Reaching underneath the bar, you grabbed a shot glass and a cold bottle of soju from the mini fridge. Cracking open the alcohol, you poured the clear liquid into a shot glass, sliding it over to the man. His gloved hand reached out and lifted the shot to his lips, downing it just as quickly as you had poured it. He slammed the glass down onto the counter with his head hanging low. It was only when he raised his head that you got a clear look at his face.

First, you noticed his strikingly handsome features, then instant recognition. This was the man from the wanted poster.

You opened your mouth to speak, but your voice was stuck in your throat as he stood up, pulling his long, leather coat back to flash the gun sitting in a holster on his hip.

"When I turn around, duck under the bar." He instructed lowly.

What? Is what you wanted to say, but you didn't have time as he spun around, pulling the gun out.

You dropped to the floor and covered your head as the sound of gunshots rang out above you, some stray bullets hitting the bottles of alcohol displayed behind the counter, the shattered glass falling onto you, liquor splashing onto the wooden boards of the floor.

You didn't even have time to consider wether you trusted this stranger or not, yet you did exactly as he said without a second thought. Then again, it was the only thing you knew to do when you saw him draw his weapon.

A thump sounded from above you, the noise drawing your attention. The man now stood on  the bar holding the shotgun that was previously strapped to his back, firing the weapon mercilessly. Based on the heavy thuds you heard after every shot, he was good.

"Alright. It's safe. You can come out now."

Deciding to peek out from your hiding spot, you slowly stood up, peering over the bar top. Bodies littered the floor, tables were overturned, and shell casings were scattered everywhere. Your eyes were blown wide in surprise as you took in the scene before you. The stranger hopped down off the bar, landing behind the counter with you. You unconsciously took a step back, still wary of the man.

"Who are you?" You asked in a shaky voice, rattled by the experience you just had.

"Mingi."

When you didn't respond, he held his hands up in a placating manner to show he wasn't a threat.

"I won't hurt you. I'm a good guy."

Still skeptical, you studied him for a moment, your eyes scanning his sharp features for any signs of dishonesty.

"I saved you." He added.

"Saved me?"

"Yes. Everyone in this bar was working for the government."

Your expression shifted upon hearing that.

"Strictland is getting tougher on enforcing their rules and regulations. They were going to bring you in and have your emotions taken away."

"What?"

You couldn't believe what you were hearing, shaking your head in denial.

"That's not possible. This is the outskirts of the city. The government has no control here."

"They're trying to."

Mingi could see your breathing start to quicken, a look of fear crossing your features.

"What do I do?"

"You come with me."

"But I don't know you."

"Have you ever heard of The Black Pirates?"

"No."

"They're a group of people who are rebelling against the government and trying to undo what Strictland has tried to enforce. Me and my friends work with them."

So that's why his picture is all over the city. Those other wanted posters are probably the friends he mentioned.

"Trust me, it's best if you listen and come with me." He added.

After taking a few seconds to think it over, you caved and agreed to go with Mingi. It seemed to be your best and only option.

"Smart girl." He commented. "Follow me."

Taking a final glance at the bar that was in complete disarray, you turned your back and followed Mingi out of the establishment. There was something sad about walking out of that dingy bar. It felt like you were leaving a part of you behind. Chili Peppers was a place you had spent a year working at and met many  different people. You were well-acquainted with the regulars and enjoyed catching up with them when they came in. It was a fun job and one that had marked a new start of your life, so walking away from it broke your heart.

"Can I go back?" You asked.

"Probably not. You'll need to lay low."

"Right."

Unable to look at the bar any longer, you dropped your head and moved forward, rounding the corner of the building. It was only when Mingi came to a stop that you lifted your head.

He stood before the side of the Chili Peppers bar, staring at the multiple wanted posters depicting a sketch of his face that were plastered along the siding. Painted in harsh and aggressive black streaks across the posters was a giant Z. Mingi rolled his eyes, letting out an annoyed huff.

"So freaking persistent." He muttered under his breath.

"What's that?" You inquired.

His tongue poked the inside of his cheek in agitation. "He's the one in control of everything going on in Strictland."

You pressed your lips together as a bitter taste invaded your mouth. "I see."

Mingi turned to look at your expression, seeing the discomfort that flashed across your features as unwanted memories more than likely invaded your mind. It was clear to him that you felt ill will against Z.

"We all hate him." Mingi spoke up, hoping to ease your mind a bit. "That's why my friends are here. To get rid of all these rules and laws. This world is... wrong."

"I used to live in Strictland." You spoke up after a moment of silence. "I had to watch my friends turn into emotionless zombies. The android guardians tried to get me, but I fled. That's how I ended up here in the outskirts of the city. I felt safe... until now."

Mingi frowned upon hearing your story. Z and his twisted way of thinking has ruined so many lives. Your story was just a reminder of why he and his friends constantly put themselves in the line of danger and why they needed to continue doing so.

They wouldn't stop until this world was saved.

Your feet dragged through the dirt that lined the streets of the city, your eyes cast downward to stare at your shoes as they kicked up tiny puffs of dust.

"So, where are you taking me?"

"My hideout."

"And where is that?"

"Rooftop of The Goat."

"Rooftops aren't very secretive."

Mingi chuckled softly. "No, but it's the perfect spot to keep watch. My friends and I split off into groups of two so it would be harder for us to be tracked down and possibly caught if the android guardians decide to infiltrate this temporary safe haven. I've been staying in this part of town for a while."

"I heard about a group of people displaying acts of rebellion against Strictland's government and they've never been caught. It seems like they slip away in the nick of time every single time." You paused for a moment. "That was you and your friends, wasn't it?"

Mingi gave a nod.

A short walk through the dusty streets led you to the building with the giant neon sign reading: The Goat shining brightly at the rooftop, the word entrance accompanying the name of the building. It was then that you realized there were no doors.

"Come on." Mingi beckoned, climbing up a set of rickety metal stairs that lined the side of dilapidated building.

With each step, the stairs rattled softly and you hoped they would stay together long enough for you to reach the top.

"Hongjoong." Mingi announced, using his knuckles to knock lightly on a metal pipe as the both of you emerged on the rooftop.

"Oh, Mingi. Hi." A man with vibrant blue hair and cowboy attire greeted while peering through a telescope.

"Any news?"

"Not at all." The man who you assumed was Hongjoong lowered the telescope and pushed it together into its compact form before setting it aside. When he finally turned to look at Mingi, his eyes landed on you.

"Who's this?"

"You know I told you I was going to Chili Peppers to take care of some business?"

"Yeah."

"Everyone sitting in that bar tonight was working for the government. Y/n was the bartender and the only one there with her emotions in tact. They were going to bring her in and brainwash her."

"The government has no jurisdiction here."

"They don't seem to care. You know Z is going to try and get his way no matter what."

"Great." Muttered Hongjoong. "Just what we needed."

Mingi removed his hat and let out a sigh, running his fingers through his short, choppily-cut pink hair.

"This is bad." He said to Hongjoong.

Meanwhile you were left to watch the tense exchange between the two, a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. These two and their friends were the only people who could undo all of the damage Z has done to Strictland and here they are, visibly distraught.

"We still have the raid on Prestige." Hongjoong mentioned, making your ears perk up.

"Right." Mingi nodded. "That'll surely light a fire under Z. He won't see it coming."

Hongjoong peered into the distance, presumably where Prestige Academy sat.

"It's just a matter of time." He murmured.

"What's going on with Prestige?" You inquired, too curious to keep your mouth shut.

"We're going to sneak in and break everyone out of their trances. We've got an elaborate plan in place, we're just waiting to put it into motion." Mingi explained.

The government of Strictland was very powerful and this group of, you weren't sure how many people, are out here making big moves in order to save humanity. You commend them for their bravery but at the same time you wondered how someone could be so brave.

"I can't believe you guys do stuff like this."

"We have to. It's what we're here for." Mingi told you, his eyes holding a tsunami of emotions: commitment, determination, perhaps even a hint of fear.

"I'll leave you two alone." Hongjoong spoke up. "If you need me, I'll be downstairs."

With that, he stood up and entered a door that you assumed led to the inside of the building,  leaving the rooftop so you and Mingi could converse in private.

"Have a seat." The pink-haired male gestured to a raised platform resembling the front of a ship with two telescopes set up on it.

He stepped up on the platform, offering you a gloved hand to grab onto, which you did and allowed him to assist you onto the raised surface.

He set his hat aside and took a seat, his long legs hanging off the side of the platform. You followed suit and made yourself comfortable beside him, resting your arms on the metal bar of the railing that lined the ship-like structure.

"So, what's your story?" You asked, gently swinging your legs back and forth.

Mingi's captivating lips stuck out in though while his eyes focused on the buildings in the distance.

"I guess I should start from the beginning."

And so he did. From being brought here by the Cromer to taking the places of the masked men in fedoras and saving Strictland. You stayed silent the whole time and let him speak without interrupting. When he finally finished, a heavy and lengthy silence hung in the night air.

"So, you're not from this world." You said it like a statement.

"No."

"And you agreed to take the place of the men in fedoras just like that?"

"Yes. There's no way we can go back to our old world, especially knowing this one needs saving."

An overwhelming rush of admiration swelled in your chest, as did your respect for Mingi, if that was even possible.

"You and your friends are so brave."

He huffed out a light chuckle. "Yeah, I guess we are. It's weird. When we were told we would have to step up, we did. We did it without thinking."

"Do you ever get scared?"

"A lot. There have been times where I worry our plans won't work or one of my friends is about to get caught. I'm afraid one day, we won't be so lucky."

"If you need an extra person on your team, I'm willing to step up."

Mingi's brows raised, his sharp eyes becoming rounder in surprise.

"I'm not sure what I can do, but I'm willing to help however I can." You added.

"Are you sure?"

Yes, Mingi had just met you but he felt somewhat protective of you and there was a small part of him that couldn't see you get hurt or captured by the android guardians.

"Yes I'm sure." You were adamant in your decision. "I lost the only friends I had to that dictator. He stripped them of their emotions."

Mingi's eyes met yours, serious and searching for more confirmation even though he could see it clearly on your face—there was no changing your mind.

"We need all the help we can get, but it won't be easy." He told you.

"Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. I'm up for whatever Strictland has to throw at me."

"Very well."

About that time, Hongjoong emerged onto the rooftop with a large sheet of rolled up paper in his hand that you presumed was a blueprint.

"Joong, we've got a new recruit." Mingi informed him.

"Is that so?"

You nodded in confirmation.

"What do you say we fill her in on the plans to invade Prestige?"

"I'm way ahead of you." Hongjoong wiggled the blueprint in his hand, bringing it over to spread it along the ground, revealing a grand plan. "Let's begin."

Seonghwa & Yeosang ⟡ Yunho & Jongho ⟡ San & Wooyoung

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Masterlist ᝰ — enjoyed this imagine? reblogs & comments are very much appreciated!

DO NOT steal, plagiarize, copy, repost, alter, or translate my works in any way

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

[delicrieux]

𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑬 𝑻𝑶 𝑷𝑹𝑬𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑫, 4. year one: start of term, 1972

pairing for this chapter—sirius black x f!lestrange!reader x regulus black warnings for this chapter—tbh none i think word count—6.4k

oh dear, the train ride is positively mental, but at least the sorting clears, well, everything. it is always as it should be, isn't it?

masterlist | buy me coffee☕ | ttp masterlist | < back | next >

walburga lands three kisses: one for regulus, one for sirius, and one for you. her lips are dry, and her lipstick stains identical, right between the brows. sirius seems most displeased by such a display of unwanted affection, at king's cross, no less, but regulus is glad for it. you are, too, as unwilling as you are to admit or even show it.

"write," she orders.

you know this isn't aimed solely at you, but it's easier to assume. a bout of special treatment. walburga is very different from your mother, from the cut of her features to her voice to the drapes of her travel robes. sometimes, you wish they were much alike, because that would mean that your mother loves you. perhaps the contrast means she doesn't, perhaps the warmth means she's obliged to. perhaps all love has its peculiarities.

the trip to the station had been surprisingly uneventful. sirius had pointedly ignored you, always one step head – any further and walburga would have yanked him back by the hand, which would have been terribly embarrassing for him. regulus, sour in his brother presence, had also been confined to silence, but he stuck close to your side, a looming shadow just over your shoulder, still too short to form any of his own.

despite this, their strategic placement made you safe. rabastan made himself scarce at the first blow of the whistle, along with your luggage, which he either dumped into a lonely compartment or gleefully left on the tracks. he will receive a earful either way, because you didn't much appreciate the way he handled your precious leather-bound trunk, dragging and jostling it around uncaringly. you'll tattle to father, too, only to make your displeasure all the more apparent.

you take sirius' and regulus' hand respectively and squeeze, trying to ease the mounting pressure, but neither seems to find this comforting, pulling their appendage free almost at once. walburga frowns disapprovingly, eyes sharp. under her gaze, you become nervous. or perhaps it's the loud, oozing mob of people sloshing by the sides of your small family, crying parents and children included. you would, of course, never cry, even if the sting behind your eyes is surprisingly sharp the longer you look at her silver brooch. you wish to assure her, but your teeth are pressed together very tightly and you don't think you'll find your voice. your feet scoot backward, close together, shoulders to your ears.

a flash, an iron cloud of steam, and, then, a hissing rumbling that rattles the platform and vibrates up the soles of your shoes.

a glance at regulus shows him pale and sickly, hazel eyes boring into his mother. sirius grows angry the longer he dallies. his jaw is all hard, like his father's. you wonder if they'll resemble one another the longer they spend apart. the idea is rather frightening.

"on the train, off you go," their mother ushers, an undertone of malice slipping under her crisp voice, "no ruckus."

in a stupor, you nod dumbly, only really catching on when she fixes your jacket and skirts, readying you to face the brave new world of non-private tutors and shared dorms. the chilly mist curls by your feet. she waits until the lot of you march up, the shiny metal stairwell banging loudly underfoot, sirius first, regulus following closely. something within you snaps, and with the creak of the last step, you spin and wave, like your life would depend on it, wind picking up.

no return of your petulant gesture, nor a smile. just the slight dip of her head. it's more than enough.

the train's narrow walkways are overcrowded by eager, sobbing first years saying their last farewells. you hope one tumbles out the open window. the sight of snot unnerves you. surely you don’t look like that, all blushed and scattered and eyes rimmed red. or do you? the thought is humiliating, and your skin crawls beneath soft cotton.

"we should find barty and evan," regulus says.

you perk, "and marzy. matilda, too."

"...suppose."

his expression grows troubled, and it's like the flip of a switch: a change so instantaneous you want to laugh. but it isn't that funny. regulus was never an anxious child. this new side of him concerns you. perhaps he's just worried to be away from home. you are, too, and you wish to tell him, but only in secret, because you know that only he would keep it well.

but sirius is near, and oh, he wouldn't let either of you live it down. he'd probably hear it as a whisper, even with all this terrible noise around. your row is still fresh in memory, and you return his spite with barely masked discontent, despite him being completely unfazed. he's playing a game, as always. when he wins, the euphoria will make everything else melt away. that is how he can stay happy.

you walk through the crowded corridor, the trio making careful but swift movements to avoid the nasty looks of huddled, tired older students. there's a certain thrill to seeing faces you would recognize as fellow peers in a year or two. this is all very new and confusing.

a long string of cabins makes the hall narrower. some doors are opened. inside there is an ever changing string of images: a quartet of laughing girls, a pair of boys playing with a pack of cards, the fatigued glance from a student studying, another group of friends screaming over one another, the window and the endless expanse of trees rushing by, the shrill of the whistle, your heartbeat alongside it.

at last, a lone cabin makes your pulse jump with delight, perhaps for the first time this morning.

tailored grey robes fitted nicely, brown leather oxfords polished, new, shiny silver cuffs, rye blonde hair, and a bored, pale expression. evan rosier doesn’t so much as glance up from his book as the door rattles open, content in his own private booth. no sign indicates it to be so, but the luxurious feeling lingers, along with the hazy after-note of his father cologne (pilfered; evan, at times, wishes to appear very grown up, and thus, he isn’t above bending the rules to achieve a desired affect).

regulus enters first with a greeting, and yours gets stuck in your throat when a hand grasps your wrist and pulls.

"let's go," sirius mumbles, his grip like a claw, tight and hot.

“piss off,” you grumble, trying to tug free, but one look from him makes you wilt in spot. his eyes shift from you to somewhere over your shoulder, and the compartment’s door snaps shut.

wonderful, no one is coming to your rescue. unceremoniously, sirius drags you along, the absolute prat. yanking you around like you're some poodle (rodolphus had thoughtfully once remarked you similar in appearance and character). yes, well, perhaps the comparison is frightening for its accuracy, but that doesn't give sirius the right!

the two of you barge down the corridor, "cousin, please."

"oh," he sneers, "now, i'm ‘cousin’ again?"

you have half the mind to wring him with your own bare hands. the first hex you'll legally cast will be directed at his unhappy sneer. you think of digging your heels into the carpet, but that would possibly end with you toppling over, and he'd continue dragging you still. merlin, that'd be mortifying. another warning look and you're shushed into silence.

you pass a few carriages, now long away from your friends. unknown territory, and the students here a bit livelier and clag in muggle clothes – the sweaters, ugh, and, well, jeans, is it? – and his grip becomes much more mild. as does your resistance. he makes a point of appearing quite satisfied.

the air is a tad too tense for your comfort.

"missed me?" he muses, checking over his shoulder.

yes, you most certainly did. more so than expected, which doesn't bode well. if there was something you didn't want, it would be him figuring this out. bastard.

his next words make you bristle, "don't pout."

the prospect of speaking and exposing yourself makes you shift on your feet uncomfortably, so you don't. instead, you observe. the wooden panelling is actually nice, considering the rubbish inside, and you realize, too, you could have done in worse company. his profile is nearly enough to erase all anger, so much so it leaves you nauseous. it is just like sirius to sweep you up in the tide of his volatile emotions.

alas, you are with him, and his brother is not. he had, quite literally, peeled you away. that must count for something if taking sums.

another carriage, and you're now on the other side of the train, and he's much calmer. happier, clearly, and so you gaze up at the back of his head and wonder what could make the tense line of his shoulders ease so suddenly.

he halts, turns, and his hold slides from your wrist to your hand. this, now, feels like a very important moment. your gut churns.

"sorry," he manages, inspecting the pain of foggy glass. obviously, much more interesting than your dumb expression, "didn't want them tagging along."

"okay," is the only thing that comes to mind, and it doesn't cover even a fraction of your bewilderment.

"and. and-" his nose wrinkles as he mulls, mouth still stuck on the beginning of whatever word he will say, "and, yeah," he pauses, gives a squeeze. the carriage shifts. suppose this is the end of his dignified apology. it is the worst you had ever received, and in your long life, you had received, say, ten at most, because no one ever does anything to upset you. all of them had been from sirius, and, to his credit, he had at least tried to appear sincere. one, definitely, was from rabastan, but he was forced to apologize by father, so that hardly counts.

"still upset?"

his voice, his eyes. you wonder when they'll look older. his ears are turning pink, like they did when he was mad, or when you bested him, or when someone teased him about how ridiculous his name is.

there's not much for you to reply with that wouldn't uncover all, and so you don't speak. instead, you hold your head high in all the poise you can muster. must not be much, because he snorts.

"okay, okay," a great, deep breath, and he slouches forward, "look, sorry for ignoring you," a sigh, like something heavy, a physical entity, slides down and settles low on his chest. his chin drops into his collar, "forgot. forgot how big of a softie you are."

"am not!" your quick denial would be obvious to the blind and deaf.

his voice carries the ghost of amusement, "yes. yes, you are."

"am not!" fine, so what if you are a bit soft-hearted. all of that only makes your pride more magnificent. besides, you are selective with your soft-heartedness. if it were, say, a weeping rabbit, or, someone else's dog, then, you might, indeed, find yourself moved to act, but you most certainly draw the line somewhere. and once you locate that line, you'll surely rub it in his face.

his grin is mollifying, "i know."

all this fuss. not like you truly had much of a choice when sirius is involved. that brute knows which buttons to push. he was a fool to even test it. how he will cry when the roles are reversed.

"do you want to meet my friends?" his excitement, hidden as it is, still leaks.

"no."

"aw." he doesn't believe you. you're not sure you believe yourself. it's very perplexing. the emotions you feel are too complicated for you to pick apart, meshing and blending into a syrup that tastes tart and makes you want to squirm out his grasp, his line of vision, the immediate vicinity, and perhaps further still, but you don’t want him to let go. his eyes brighten with the next statement, "well. you're just going to have to suck it up. be cute."

that makes you huff, because his own smugness is both enervating and enthralling, but you're glad to be needed again, "as if i don't always!"

"there's the spunk," his hold shifts, and the tip of his thumb gently eases a stray wisp of hair away from the bridge of your nose. your cheeks must be positively scalding, "going to cry on me?"

it's his taunting, his brittle tenderness. always wanting to prove something. to you, to everyone, it seems. you think his behaviour is strange today. not off-putting, but, rather, endearing in its absurdity.

fine, you'll bite. fix your cutest expression – all doe eyes and a pout, like you didn't receive the candy you so desperately wanted. very unassuming, it does wonders for the general populace. father once told you that you have a very comely disposition, and that you must use it to your advantage, but what he didn't know is that, at five, you were already doing that. how else would he have bought you a stable to feed your brief obsession with horses? without even realising it, too.

it is terribly effective on sirius.

"well, don't. please," is what he can come up with, which, in your humble opinion, is simply awful, "okay? don't cry. because there's a no-crying clause in our friendship. and it's... very important."

"alright," you cogitate, delighted to have so much power over such a boy. not that show it, but there really isn't a better feeling.

regulus could probably call your bluff. evan, most certainly. but sirius, despite his fiery nature, likes to be useful, but particularly, he likes protect. the latter, especially, when directed toward a pretty, smaller thing. which, in this case, you suppose is yourself.

you allow the brat to tug you up and into a cabin. he almost trips over his feet.

as soon as the door slides open, you stand on your tippy-toes to look over his shoulder.

three pairs of eyes rest on the both of you and suddenly your tummy sinks with panic. how odd is this situation for a first impression. there you are, in skirts and clutching his hand like a little lost pet, and he, smug as can be, eyes slightly less dry from a poor excuse of an emotional break. he has this look on his face, too.

"all right?" the spectacled one greets.

he turns to regard you, which gives you the opportunity to properly analyse the faces of strangers. he seems to be sirius' age, and he's smiling very brightly. his spectacles, a bit crooked, slide off his nose, and he doesn't feel the need to fix them, revealing twin hazel eyes.

a warm squeeze draws your attention back, "yeah," sirius responds, and perhaps you unconsciously cave into yourself to appear even smaller. not that you aren't used to be being examined, it's that you aren't used to being examined by sirius' friends. you had never met anyone he would call that outside of yourself.

"my cousin," sirius presents, along with your full, proper name, first and middle and third and lesrange, "four times removed."

they all happily chime their introductions as you are sat down besides sirius. the spectacle-clad one is james, and the one sat beside him with a chocolate frog in his hand is peter, and the one on your side of the seat is remus, cosy by the window. he seems the quietest and the least likely to find sirius' pranks funny. and you think, all in all, that perhaps you could like him very much.

you have heard bits and pieces about them, and it's nice to put names to faces and finally see the people sirius has grown so close with. he was often quite evasive in his replies, probably to maintain a sense of cool. what a ninny.

peter regards you a bit shyly, not quite sure if you want to be here. his freckly, ruddy skin and blonde hair is so quaint and farmish. nothing like sirius'. james, too, seems like the type of child you might find in a shoe store, perfectly squishy and baby-faced.

"she's good," sirius says, "normal. the only other with common sense out the whole lot."

well, you would appreciate if he didn't speak as if you didn't exist squeezed beside him, thank you very much. his hand still has yours hostage, and by how at ease he is, you assume he has forgotten about it entirely. you will not remind him, because you find the notion surprisingly awkward, and this is perhaps the first time in your life that you feel the prickly, tense feeling halting all possible function.

"not surprised," james remarks, eyes on you. there's a mischievous gleam, similar to sirius’, "a friend of sirius is a friend of ours!"

"suppose," peter agrees, having gotten over the initial surprise of having you there, his features shifting into his natural, lazy appearance, which you can tolerate, "our numbers have grown."

sitting close, you can feel sirius preen in pleasure at being so wanted and loved. by a pettigrew, a line infested with squibs, and a potter, no doubt an ignoble lineage. and a lupin, too, though more subtly. a wizard surname, but considering you haven't heard much of it, you can assume nothing good.

well, this is certainly company.

you plaster your shyest smile in hopes they cannot tell what you're thinking. they're boys, so you don't suppose they think much to begin with, but one can never be too certain! even barty has his moments.

remus, you think, has a quite cool gaze on you. or, not. but still, he holds himself in the same way that regulus does. quite tall, too. there's nothing exactly frightening about his countenance, but he seems a bit more serious than the current gaggle.

sirius doesn't pay much notice, absorbed by his little following as he is, and peter looks absolutely daft and not at all reliable for conversation. james, well, he's looking at you, as though he wants you to feel welcomed to join their conversation. how silly.

"you excited for the sorting?" james asks.

you nod. sirius has hauled you here unwillingly, and so you'll let him respond, as he seems beside himself to do so, "my money's on gryffindor. she's pretty stubborn."

james seems quite captivated with the idea, "that'd make you the first lestrange to be a gryffindor, wouldn't it?"

you are sure there's some sort of jab in there, but james is smiling. like really, really widely. a big, stupid, cheerful smile, and his hair is a terrible mess. he looks like a muggle, and if your father could see you now, you'd never be let outside again.

"she will," sirius tells them confidently, but really, it seems like he wants it to be true more for the sake of argument than anything else, "bet."

"three sickles."

"fine!"

you don't care to gamble, even if there's a great deal of pride involved. betted sickles or no. you decide it'll be best to observe as you settle comfortably. a new role, you’d make quite the actress. perhaps your likeness will be printed in the papers alongside lindy witchermore and gabriette merlot.

the view outside the window melts into endless plains. the sky grows a tad darker, hiding the sunshine, and everything becomes an amorphous smudge.

james ropes the boys into a lengthy discussion of quidditch and this is where you start wondering about regulus. did he and even find barty? and matilda and marzy? did matilda wear her new, pretty bow? if she did, you'll feel very jealous and entirely slighted. you wish you had a cute, fuzzy bow, but then the poodle comparisons really wouldn't stop.

james continues, completely oblivious. maybe that's just how he is. maybe, then, remus is more attentive, because he tilts his head at you a tad inquisitively, "are you interested in quidditch?"

your timidity allows for only a miniscule shake of the head.

suddenly, you're the centre of attention, and your guts get a little icky.

"what? maybe you just don’t know how it works," james quips, "s' alright, i’ll explain." and, merlin, please, can someone save you.

"this idiot here," sirius tells you, turning very swiftly, "believes he's the best player in the nation, and he's not even on the bloody quidditch team yet-"

"-but i'm auditioning this year! it's only cuz they don't allow first years to join the team-"

"-doesn't matter, cuz i'm still winning this year's competition, hands down-

"-wish you luck, sirius," peter interjects. he sounds completely unenthusiastic in his effort to join the argument. you're surprised he could manage, if his awkward stature was anything to go by. his knees, you note, touch his hands, even though he's sitting. very slouched. not how father would teach. but he doesn't seem too self-conscious.

the theme of sports continues. the trolley passes and they cluster to buy sweets, purchasing some extra for you. and extra in general. james spares no expenses, and then sirius goes to match, because apparently, everything's a competition between them, and so your dingy little compartment is slew with candy and you have no appetite.

really, the wrappers make your head spin, and it's much too warm. rain plasters on the window, and for a moment, the windowpane reflects you perfectly, a little face peering in, like it's trying to jam it's way inside.

barty, often, if he knew he did something bad, would beg you in a raspy voice to not snitch. not to his parents. you knew and he knew that if the occasion ever called for it, you were not above a good gossip. and so you would sit with his mother and sisters in the parlour room, holding matching, pretty teacups, and you would feel like an outsider weighted by information you never wanted to have.

much like now. all this menial chatter. an inside into sirius' social life that exists so far from the confines of familial relations. you have never seen him so happy, and when aunt walburga inquires of his moods because he won't be bothered to send an owl back, you will not know whether to lie or tell the truth.

in another time and place, you could possibly imagine regulus here, too. or maybe that would just make him feel worse. his isolation. always feeling the lesser. he'd be miserable in this company, but then the burden could be shared with two, and you wouldn't feel as lonely.

of course, that won't be an option. in this one, or the other.

***

your rescue arrives shy of an hour into your stay in that stuffy compartment. narcissa’s cold gaze cuts through the chatter instantaneously, and the overhead lights flicker on slowly to illuminate her haughty expression. how absolutely beautiful she is, even in the storm’s background. the plastic wrappers slide from the seats and puddle by your feet. the shuffle, the rain, the excited spur of your little heart. she regards each of them, pausing on sirius, “cousin.”

“cousin,” his face has scrunched up, as though he ate something sour.

a trace of a smile on her lips, all because of his displeasure. she turns to you, “let’s go.”

twice, today, you’ve been requested. twice, you have no say. while this does imply a certain necessity of your presence – an astounding popularity, how beloved you truly are! – you can only shudder at the thought at what other surprise will occur on this momentous day.

you move, but sirius stops you, “she wants to be here.”

“she needs to greet the rest of the family,” her voice carries a certain finality. no one dares to protest, and you pry yourself away before sirius thinks of a comeback scalding enough to earn him a smacking. or a howler, at the very least.

the corridor has become much more quiet. the doors are closed, and you don’t dare to peel your eyes away from her new kitten heels as you follow after.

cissy needn’t say much for you to know you’ve disappointed her. to be caught with sirius’ crowd is to step into dangerous territory. you feel as though you must explain yourself, because you don’t wish for her ire, nor do you wish for her indifference, “thank you. i didn’t know how to get away. you know how he can be.”

she sighs, “unfortunately, yes, i am quite familiar with his antics. always scheming up his silly, little plans, that one. he really is far too meddlesome, even moreso when it comes to you," she stops, only for you to catch up. looks at you proper, with her chin slightly tilted down to your level, "very clingy."

this pleases you a bit. no matter how irritating the boys can get, they are a sort of constant that brings you peace of mind. no matter the time, no matter the day, there is always at least one that is by your side. not having that would leave you rather desolate.

"they've gotten worse," she says, "what are we to do with such little gentlemen?"

your heart flutters at her mention of we. a sign of inclusion. her fond tone. perhaps the others don't hear her that way, and you certainly won't inform them of her secretly mushy nature, but there isn't a better friend than narcissa. there never will be. not even the others, though bonded far closer, will ever understand you as she does.

"how did you find me?" you ask.

she huffs, as if it's much too obvious, "regulus."

so he has been dutifully working behind the scenes to retrieve you. oh, how your mood improves! all in one day. not that it was bad, no, rather the opposite, but it is relieving to finally return to where you're meant to be.

and the compartment you're meant to be in is much too crowded. there's evan arguing with bartimus over a game of explosive sap, and there's matilda (no bow!) and marzy clamouring to out-pride each other, and there's regulus, the one that notices you first and the one that jumps up to offer you a seat, even if, well, you'd all fit anyway.

"finally," barty calls over his shoulder as you're safely returned, and cissy continues down the walkway, "what have you been up to, hm? the first train ride for larly toppings."

"larly toppings?" you murmur.

his mouth thins in an unimpressed line, "read more."

"she doesn't know how," regulus chimes, and oddly, you've missed the ease of his dull remarks. no matter if you were separated mere hours, your hearts have been made lighter just through proximity.

matilda snorts, "lay off, whiny. he's been moaning about your absence since he lost sight of you."

"have not!" he states hotly.

 evan lifts a curious brow, but his eyes remain fixed on the game.

"she was stuck," regulus tries to explain, "with my brother and his horrible friends. evan?"

he shrugs, "didn't think that'd stop her from walking away."

matilda is absolutely tickled. even you cannot help but laugh at the exasperated expression on reggie's face. marzy scoots and eagerly pats the seat beside her, which you happily take. it earns you a glare from the younger black, who plops back down next to the boys.

bartimus clicks his tongue and tosses a wrapped sweet into his mouth, "our darling is, and shall forever be, delicate and fragile," an aside glance, "of the utmost importance, and we have pledged a solemn duty to defend her honour from that reprobate of a cousin. it's for his own good. he simply doesn't understand, being so young and such."

your nose wrinkles. how pretentious, even if half-right. but, fine, you'll play along, if only to appease your friend and give him some reason to not glower at all hours of the day. he can be very grouchy when the situation calls.

"tell us, c'mon," marzy nudges, "meet cousin's friends?"

you shudder, "they're absolutely horrid. dreadful," you elaborate, and they nod along eagerly, "simply wretched, and so loud. all they talk about is quidditch."

the boys snap at attention.

"quidditch?!" they screech.

"ugh," matilda makes a face, "boring."

"i'm not a fan," marzy agrees.

"don't care for it," matilda adds.

"yeah, cuz you're girls," barty states, "what do you lot know of entertainment?"

"hey! i take offense," matilda throws an empty packet at him, and he moves to poke her.

evan rubs his temples and offers you a weak smile. at least he understands.

"so what's your favourite team?"

"oo, they'll talk about it for hours," matilda rolls her eyes.

marzy's lower lip pokes out, "because it's their 'hobby.'"

you snicker, "chasing balls like dogs. recon they'd be so enthusiastic over a bone?"

"brave words, poodle," regulus bristles.

"i recon you’d know better about chasing your tail," you bite back.

he tugs on your ear, "ow, stop it, let go you idiot!"

the girls scramble to help, "you don't do that!"

and he is towed off of you, thrown on the seat beside evan by two particularly vehement ladies. it takes no time for them to commence the lecturing, which quickly delves into the heartfelt portion of their speech, filled with high pitched, intonations and tears and the like.

"you must stop and consider your actions! we love her dearly, and can't stand to see her so distressed. surely you have noticed a great change in her disposition, not to mention-"

and barty makes a great mistake in trying to defend the great offender, and so he receives an earful, too, "how could you simply sit there and watch her be treated like that? and then dare to stand up for-"

"fine. alright, already!"

beneath his scuffling and exasperated state, barty almost smiles. and the girls tussle his hair, and turn to you, all watered eyes and frowns. "if there is ever an issue, you can tell us," marzy says, "i'll tell theodore! brother will sort the boy right out."

"maybe his mother, too," matilda suggests.

you feign being torn, "no, no! i couldn't."

"we can, but fine, it's your call."

"can't believe this," regulus mutters.

evan grimaces and turns to him, "all in good fun. i think."

the commotion dies down for a moment as marzy fishes out her tissues – one for matilda, one for herself, and one for you. to dab the tears glistening in the corners of your eyes, of course. it’s a very delicate, grown up gesture. mrs nott is an emotional woman, and you three had learned a lot from watching her sob at luncheons (at spring, specifically, when there’s clouds of pollen in the air).

regulus looks at you and asks, "want a caramel?"

you look at him for a while, a rather dumbfounded look about you, and shake your head no. you take the lemon one instead, for the irony of it.

and with that, you all settle, in a very serene manner, a slight disturbance now and again from the rolling tracks. the others talk over you as you look over your treat, thoughtful and malleable. no, it seems that, in this manner, life will continue unchanged. even after school is established, this, your circle, will endure and persist, and you won't have a need to leave anyone, no matter what comes between you.

oh, but what of sirius? you would so like for him to get along with your rowdy lot. but it's no good, if it's him, because he has his own group, and he wants nothing to do with yours. still, you would share your treat with him, and he wouldn't like the flavour but he would pretend that he did to make you happy.

cissy words linger, but you don't understand why. nor any deeper implications. you will yourself not to think of such things.

***

a quick summary of events before this very moment:

one, after the sugar rush, your compartment had died down significantly. seats were changed, and while inspecting the tome on the history of hogwarts (terrible read, really, you'll detest history of magic, you just know it!) you and regulus had fallen asleep.

two, bartimus had accidentally left explosive crackers by an unassuming door leading to a compartment occupied, accidentally, by muggles, which spooked them immensely. they fled like puffskins in each and every direction as the fireworks cackled and smoke billowed, lingering in the corridor. this is how he met frank longbottom, a gryffindor prefect, and received a stern warning, which only left him pondering about further opportunities of mischief.

three, evan, searching for a chocolate frog, had located a box of marzipan sweets, which greatly upset marzy, because marzipan nott is a ridiculous name and she was rightly ridiculed by bartimus for a good 15 minutes before matilda locked him out of the compartment.

four, after changing into your school uniforms, the lot of you sat in silence nursing a nasty stomach-ache.

five, you briefly saw sirius and his friends at hogsmeade station, and james potter waved at you, which upset regulus, so he didn't speak with you for the remaining boat ride. you had decided he's not worth the fuss, and simply enjoyed the cool, wet air and the gentle lull of the wooden boat drawing closer to the castle that will, from now, be considered your home. the sky, by then, had cleared, and the moon was split in half by the astronomy tower.

the great hall is astoundingly grand. your shoes echo and the chattering whispers are a pleasant buzz. it seems as though no one quite wants to separate. your friends surround you, admiring the enchanted sky and the warm twinkle of floating candles. "they're everywhere. look."

regulus points, as he noticed first, and you move your head to follow their patterns. you've never seen anything like it before. it's quite a thing, how all the children look upward, stumbling after professor mcgonagall and closer and closer to the sorting hat. sat atop a rickety stool, you try to catch a glimpse at it, though all you can see is the pointy tip.

on your left sits the slytherin table, with cissy and rabastan; to your right is sirius with his friends, and further is hufflepuff, and further still is ravenclaw. marzy, unable to help herself, waves at her brother, and you see him stand and wave back, a new, shiny ravenclaw prefect badge pinned to his robes.

"oh," she sounds very distressed, and her tanned skin blotches a deep rose, "i hope i'm in ravenclaw," she utters, then snaps, "no!" she turns to you and regulus, stood shoulder to shoulder, taken aback by the fervour in her voice, "slytherin. i don't want to be without you."

barty shrugs, "plenty of chances. we'll come for a visit anyway."

"of course we will," you confirm, and pat her arm gently.

"you'll do well wherever you are," matilda pats her arm, too.

you'd like to say the sorting doesn't matter much at all, but it does. ravenclaw is not too egregious, however, and it would bely an intelligence you didn't know she had, which would be a pleasant surprise to everyone. hufflepuff is tolerable. the only hufflepuff you know is aunt berry yaxley, but no one talks to her much.

gryffindor is off limits, but marzy would never fit the criteria. you, however...

bartimus gives the both of you a sceptical look. the chatter dims for a moment as dumbledore stands and delivers his yearly introduction. the sorting hat starts singing, and the lyrics were included in the brochure, but you didn't bother reading. regulus finds singing embarrassing, so the two of you hum along, but bartimus, unsurprisingly, has quite a pair of lungs on him.

finally, the sorting begins. professor mcgonagall unfurls a lengthy parchment, and the hall hushes eagerly. you feel the tension slowly settle on your shoulders as the names are called. to some, this is simply a sorting. to you, it will decide your fate.

"black, regulus," and the pin drop silence is slightly unnerving. you glance at reggie as he glances at you, and you don't have time to read his expression before he's off, weaving through the students to take a seat under the brim of the worn sorting hat. you clasp your hands together tightly.

"SLYTHERIN!"

clapping erupts. all of you brim with happy smiles, but regulus remains stoic. his eyes dart to gryffindor before he shuffles to join cissy, growing more miserable as the slytherin table drowns him in congratulations.

"crouch, bartimus," mcgonagall sounds.

"expelled," matilda hisses, and to the surprise of all, barty doesn't flip her the bird.

the hat covers his eyes before, "SLYTHERIN!"

and he's much happier to receive the standing ovation. you can see it on his face: the rush, the pride when he slides onto his bench, a smug, lopsided grin etched onto his features, right beside a quiet regulus.

a few more names, and then yours. the crowd shushes again. this year holds many important names, some youngest members of the secret twenty eight. all eyes, on you, again, and marzy nudges you to move as your gaze gets stuck on sirius. he seems hopeful. a small smile lifts his lips and you feel yourself breathe in and hold.

your fingers shake, but you walk with your back straight, just like aunt walburga taught you.

you sit down, and mcgonagall offers you a placid smile. you'd prefer her not to draw it out and let you keep your sanity.

it barely grazes the top of your hair before it bellows, "SLYTHERIN!"

you blink, deafened by the cheering. dizzied, you stand on quivering legs, and you look to sirius, because he had assured you and himself different, but he's not even looking at you. his brows are creased and his jaw is clenched. not the way you want to see him. it was a terrible thing to wish, after all. the disappointment.

but the welcome, oh, anyone would love to be so accepted. regulus smiles, a rare, honest quirk of the lip, and he beams just a little bit when he notices the tight expression on your face, so proud and yet so filled with concern, like your happiness meant more to him than his own. you are pulled to sit beside him and barty as your robes stripe green, and cissy smiles and pats your cheek, and everything is as it should be in the world.

just not exactly how you imagined.

[thedivineart]

CHANNELED MESSAGES FROM YOUR APRIL

one two three

ꕀ ׅ࣪ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ links : navigation. send love.

pacs. paid services.

masterlist. @tarotwithart.

© thedivineart. do not plagiarize any of my work, translate or repost it on other social media platform.

PILE ONE

In this month you need to be brave from whatever situation your going to deal with, this past few months you may have been feeling of stuck or stagnant and you feel frustrated and stress about it. The divine is telling you that if you want change to come from you then you must know how to step forward so you can move that's the only solution here. However, i see that you may be afraid or just stubborn that's why you feel stagnant, does your current situation serve you well? If not then when? Today you should try to decide what are your plans for the next month so you can move and change however faith and patience is needed hear too, it's doesn't swept it away really fast so you need to work hard for your situation you have so you can be able to be free and peace. You must believe in to yourself and what you can do, if you still thinks negativity then you won't attract the change you want. All the things or whatever situation you have — must deal it independently but remember if you find it hard you can ask help from the people whom you trust the most but doesn't mean you can rely it to them all. Be future oriented and think about your future and learn to let go the past will lead you from a better life living. Since you got the card of " Perfect Timing" here i feel the divine universe and all of the above give you a another month to prove you self, this is the one of the perfect month to move forward and change for the stagnant you feel from the past, if you have any ideas out there show them, if a opportunity comes for you grab it ! Believe in your self and to what you can do.

channeled song:

PILE TWO

pile 2 you may possibly attracted to pile 1 so read it too. you got two possible messages here, the first one is about you need to be brave or stand firm for whatever situationship that this upcoming month will be given to you. While the second one is about you are feeling stagnant or stuck to what situation you have right now, in that case the universe is telling you that is safe to move and don't worry what will gonna happen next cause that's your destiny, how's your life will run. If you really want your dreams and goals happen in next month, you should try harder, if you are doubting yourself - you are enough and capable of. Don't let your fear to hold you back cause we're talking about your future here, if you want a better life, go and make it true. This past few day( weeks/months) you don't actually feeling yourself or you keep pretending to people who surrounds you, probably you think that they wouldn't understand you? perhaps will judge you. Don't think too much and allow to free your true self to shine like a star at darkest of night, you are always amazing and awesome for being yourself. If you are someone who can't say no to someone favor even though you doesn't like it, allow yourself to speak up and tell them that you doesn't like it or just simply saying NO, remember only stand for what you want from you didn't want too.

channeled song:

PILE THREE

what are the things you want to release in this upcoming month? in the month of April you will be releasing some of negative situationship you been dealing with could be about the people around you and your circumstances, your job/career, your love life that aren't serving you well, a break up or a seperation, it feels like you wanted to release something that feels heavy and negative about you or something that makes you feel down perhaps being feel alone, sad, pain or even lacking of confidence yk. Take a time to release this situation you have at the present or from the past cause your spirit guides and the universe are confirming that it is safe to move on and let go the past. However i see that you may struggle to let go of this “situation” you have been deal with or you will have a hard time for the change you will going to enter, trust yourself and not the others cause you were the author of your own life, you will be the one who will decide your own path.

channeled song:

[thenightfolknetwork]

Thisss is a bit of an odd question, I think but...

I want to get into the 'dating sphere', but I'm stuck with a few caveats:

-I receive rather decent work in the village closest to me (it's remote enough I had to send in the post to a friend to transcribe) so I can't find myself moving to someplace too much more populated, but also my next point:

-I'm a very anxious person on account of the reaction most people have to me. I'm one of the more ophidian genuses which definitely shows in the face, a bit tall for a lady, and my tail tends to be a bit...adventurous. Most people that ask for my spellwork don't stay long after getting their product. I can see the fear or worry in their faces. It leaves me rather self-conscious to the point I have to put a homo-sapien disguise to gather supplies in-town.

that leads into my final problem. There is somebody who's shown interest in me. Rather he's interested in the disguise I wear in town. He's rather handsome and its hard not to fantasize being more than acquaintances, but...I'm scared of getting my hopes up if I ever reveal to him that I'm not really what I show on the surface. That I'll be back at square one.

Do I try actively seeking out folks who enjoy my real form, at the cost of maybe having to move? or is there a way I can navigate this one right here without him thinking I'm leading him on or tricking him?

I'm so sorry you've been subjected to such unkindness, reader. The difficulties faced by liminal folk in rural and otherwise isolated communities are all too often overlooked, or dismissed by urban nightfolk who suggest their rural counterparts simply move away – as if there is anything simple or reasonable in such a suggestion.

It is entirely right that you should not only hope but expect to be treated with kindness and respect in your local community, no matter how isolated that community may be. But in order to get that support, you first need to show your community that you need it.

Presenting as sapio when you go into town may be more comfortable, but comfort must sometimes give way to necessary, healthy vulnerability. I worry that by habitually hiding your liminal nature, you may be compounding your self-consciousness rather than alleviating it.

You have nothing to hide, reader. There is nothing wrong with having an adventurous tail or being all “for a lady” (a lady of what genus, might I ask?) Other people's discomfort with you is their problem to deal with, not yours.

Besides, the world is very different for the community today than it was just a few years ago. Thanks to major advancements in both communication technology and liminal liberation, your neighbours are used to seeing people of different genuses in the media, and very likely will have experience with nightfolk in their places of work or even among their friends and family.

I encourage you to set aside your romantic concerns for the time being and work on building up your confidence to be yourself in public. You don't have to cast off your disguise all at once, but it is well worth exploring spaces and times where you feel able to venture forth in sapio society without pretending to be one of them.

Some people will not respond well. This is sadly to be expected, but again – not your fault and not your issue to solve. But I feel sure that you will be pleasantly surprised, and that your community will, by and large, rise to the challenge. And, with any luck, this “rather handsome” somebody will be among them.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[underscar]

You should do uhhh…

Beam with a Gravure Model reader… or yhhhh

Beam domestic headcanons… bc i wanna pretend I am living with him

-Capybara Anon

DOMESTIC HEADCANONS

feats: beam :)

warnings: no pronouns

summary: what living with the shark fiend is like.

a/n: ty for your request, capybara anon! at the musuem i work at we’re actually getting a shark exhibit soon so i may post some pictures then :)

CSM TAGLIST: @loveydoveydouche

BEAM [SHARK FIEND]

— Beam is a hyper one, so living with him occasionally would be like living with a child. He wouldn't, however, be unduly reliant on you in the way that a child would.

— I don't view Beam as being stupid, as some people may believe and write him as. I'll confess that I’ve thought about it, but when I rewatched Chainsaw Man, it reminded me that fiends are Devils and those Devils have likely existed for ages before taking possession of these corpses.

— Therefore, Beam may already be accustomed with certain simple, customary tasks like sweeping, mopping, etc. He might not be familiar with the "modern household chores," like doing the laundry, using the dishwasher, or cleaning the refrigerator. But he can do the basics that you need him to, and Beam, he has the ability to learn things.

— The only problem? He doesn't particularly enjoy them…

— I think the majority of Devils would detest performing mundane housework. Either they loathe them or they find them boring and dreary. Beam being the latter.

— However, there is still some chance. There is an easy solution: bribery. You won't be stuck with a hyper fiend and a messy house. You only need purchase Beam's cooperation, and you'll succeed with ease.

— Beam truly isn't choosy, so he can be bribed with anything. Any object—food, a blanket, a toy—can be held over his head for his cooperation.  Even if he doesn't like the thing you're offering, the very act of making the offer causes him to feel something and make him want the thing.

— Besides chores, Beam is exciting and easy to live with.

— Only if he likes you—by which I mean is deeply attached to you—has any chance of moving in with you. He could only coexist peacefully with someone in that way. He will readily obey your directions if he is devoted to you.

— Beam doesn't particularly care to eat. He really only likes eating when he's with his housemate. Though when he does eat, he has a large appetite, just to keep you both at the table a tad longer, therefore prepare extra food for him.

— Don't allow him inside the kitchen either. He is unreliable and unprepared for the duties of cooking and he may never be prepared for that duty so don’t ever suggest it….

— Beam is a bundle of energy who hardly ever gets tired, which makes you feel more exhausted. However, it never ceases to be comforting to see, especially after a long day.

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED

© UNDERSCAR 2023 - All rights are reserved to underscar. Do not repost, copy, change/modify, plagiarize, translate or screenshot my work: this will also include not reposting my writing on other social media platforms and writing platforms.

[long-haired-hottie]

"Talk about your mother"

Going to put a trigger warning on this for suicidal ideation and genocide. LMK if I need to add more to this. I'm not going to tag it because I don't want to flood those tags with fictional stories.

"I don't really think I know much about my mother. She was cold and distant whenever I was around her but I think that was normal for Saiyan parents. Why bond with your kids when you're just going to stuff them in an attack ball to probably go die for Lord Frieza right? Y'see I was an infiltration baby, like so many other weak Saiyans. It didn't matter I was female and that females were rare, if you were weak then you got stuck in a pod and sent off. That I was a witch's child with a higher chance of dying was only better."

"I went on six missions to kill six planets before I was twelve. I - I was successful in five of those missions. The sixth… I was given a year to complete that mission because of the level of difficulty. I failed because I was - I was trying to die and the people there took pity on me. They took me in, cared for me, and the majority of them left the planet to live on elsewhere. I didn't go with them. I should have but I couldn't. I destroyed everything that resembled civilization on that planet and then reported back to Planet Vegeta about my supposed success."

"My mother met me on the platform. I reported what happened and… I'm - I'm not sure what happened after that. I remember being carried by her, she sounded like she was gasping for air, maybe even sobbing. I'm not sure. I was in so much pain and I couldn't see very well out of my eyes. She was holding me so closely and so tightly and I was confused. Mother had never held me before. I don't think she'd ever actually touched me outside of when she'd initially given birth to me and fed me as a newborn."

"She took me somewhere and put me in a strange attack ball. It wasn't like any others that I've ever seen. It was huge, about half again as big as the standard ones. Mother was so gentle with setting me into that ship. She- I think she held my face for a moment? It was like she was terrified to let go of me. Maybe I'm making things up from false memories. She did let go, eventually, and I remember feeling her put a rebreather on my face and then warmth passed over me from the little bit of healing magic she possessed. I could feel her casting spells on me and on the attack ball. Then I felt some kind of liquid filling the chamber and I fell asleep. I woke up on Earth to find out that my entire species has basically gone extinct and my planet is dead. And - And my mother is -"

"I - I'm sorry. I don't think I want to talk anymore."

[thatdisasterauthor]

Sigh.

Don't really want advice, I just need to vent a little. Gonna stick it under a readmore too, because it got a little long.

I'm burning out so bad at work. I love the idea of this business, it's super fun in theory, as is what I do there. But the way the business is run is a nightmare, and the job does not pay anywhere near what it should. And I thought that was going to get better this January, because the owner finally admitted that we need a full marketing department and asked me if I wanted to run it if I were to be given an appropriate raise, and I told him yes. Then we had our January meeting where we were supposed to discuss everything and he said he's actually decided to interview outside candidates and only consider me as one of them.

Which is fucking bullshit. I built this marketing department from the ground up. They didn't even have fucking business cards when I started. Every initiative I've done has gone massively well for being nothing but hit-the-bricks marketing with zero budget.

I get that, legally, they are required to post the job within the company, but they aren't legally required to post it outside the company as far as I can tell. (Nor have they ever done that before anyways...)

And before this was revealed to me, I sat in on an interview and all the owner talked about during the interview is how much he loves people coming into the business and finding their own way and building new skills. He went on and on about the two main people who have done that, and how much he values them. Neither of them had to reinterview against outside candidates to run the departments they now run. Just me.

I know why it's happening too, which makes it even more annoying. The owner has ZERO idea what I do. None. I do not report to him. Every time I'm in a meeting with him and start trying to explain stuff I get some version of "oh, I just don't understand all of that." I think there might also be a touch of not liking me because I stand up to him. There was a big issue with Twitter over the holiday marketing season because I explained how, despite being our best platform, Twitter was too unstable to be as useful as normal due to the Musk takeover and the owner went OFF about it, about how I shouldn't be "bringing politics into it." Nevermind that ANY corporate takeover is going to be destabilizing for a time and the man has never used Twitter in his life so how the hell would he know what's going on. (Also, not even 5 minutes later he told me he didn't want us using TikTok "because of the Chinese." What was that about not getting political, sir?)

It's really clear that I'm just never gonna get the respect and support I need at this job, despite how great my direct boss is. I'm also really fucking tired of working somewhere with an HR lady that can't do her job and refuses to give us direct deposit because it's "too hard" and doesn't put our accumulated sick time on our checks like she's supposed to because she can't figure out how to make the system do it, so we just have to email her if we want to know.

And I've been applying to jobs! I've had interviews! Some of them have seemingly gone well, it's just that none of them have gone all the way to hiring me.

Even if I get a new job it isn't going to fix the fact that I'm burnt out, because I can't afford to take time off between the jobs to actually rest. I've got, like, $100 in savings right now and nothing in checking until my paycheck shows up this week. (And because we don't have direct deposit, the check could show up anytime between Wednesday and Saturday, unless HR had some random shit come up and didn't get the checks out on time, which has happened before.)

And I should (should) have two weeks paid vacation now that I've hit my third year at this job, but I don't want to just use it all up in fucking January in case I am stuck here for the rest of the year, but I could really use those two weeks right now.

Then, in the background of all of this, is my art and writing stuff. Especially The Pits/its Kickstarter in a couple months. If that Kickstarter goes as well as I'm hoping I probably COULD afford to take some time off. But I won't know about that until the end of March when it finishes. And also, I really don't want to be putting all my baggage from my day job on this one project. That's not good for me OR the project.

I'm fucking tired. I was so close to finally getting ahead of all this before inflation hit last year. So fucking close. And then it all went away. I just want a job that pays me what I'm worth and respects what I can do. That shouldn't be so fucking hard.

[theburgessobserver]

Pt.2 MEET THE MONSTERS

“Are you awake Susan darling?”said a familiar voice.

“Derek!I had a nightmare, a terrible horrible nightmare that I was a hideous giantess.”

“Of course not," the voice said.”You're a very nice and handsome giantess.”

Or was it a dream?I cleared my eyes and my body was aching with pain and I saw Monger flying right in front of me in fact…“It wasn't a dream.” I realized,I felt utterly destroyed from this truth.I wanted to hide from this painful reality.

“Good News!Your time in solitary confinement is up!You're free to join the others!Oorah!”He said, hoping to cheer me up.

It was kinda relieving that I wouldn't be in one place in complete and utter solitude and finally get to talk to someone…then again that someone would be a hideous monster…And I was there,In solitary…alone,for days…at least I thought there were no clocks or skies to tell when it was day and night…time went by and I didnt have the slightest idea when was now or how long I was here.I was fed about three times a day I guess so i guess i was there about a week or so,they gave me oatmeal…I never really like it and this bulk army variation less.It was too dry and lumpy but I also got orange juice to balance it out.These were the loneliest days of my life…Id rather not even talk about them.

Monger and a trio of mini copters escorted me to the meeting room.Via the platform we went down with a level and then I was taken around the cells on my platform again.

This time I tried to look more closely. There were little people and little crates and all going about like ants in their antfill.

As we continued around, I saw many strange beings there…

I saw that buggy-scientist guy Dr…well something. At work he called out to me while playing with some toy bricks and building what looked like a toy brick variation of an atomic bomb.

“Aw Susan!You wouldn't happen to have some Uranium with you,I only need a little”I thought to myself that he must be joking no one would be that nutty.

The General did not: “Deny him his toy box privileges” he said to one of the guards.

“Yes Sir!”One of the guards replied via the walkie talkie.

Then I saw the Missing Link again. He was in his water tank lifting weights.

“Seven”

“Eight”

Then he noticed me and how I was looking at him.

“Nine Hundred Ninety Nine”

“One Thousand”

“Woah can't believe I did one thousand sets” he said trying to impress me and tossing away the weights,what was with him,did he think I didn't notice him till now?

This was some odd company I had here…but then again that should be expected.Because this place was built for monsters like- like- NO!I am not a monster, I am a normal girl who just by chance is stuck here!

We continued on…at times I looked at those strange beings despite not wanting to. They were hideous, they were odd,yet this morbid curiosity inside of me just forced me to just look at them.

Then I saw Grubzilla.

He was gigantic!Even in my view he was a giant…I shuddered in fear…just looking at him despite him not saying or doing anything scared me because after all he was a terrifying beast!All he was doing was looking at me… and then he roared and licked the glass as if he was trying to eat me!I was petrified.And to boot while I was a giant!But compared to this behemoth I was tiny…

While looking around I really started to see that the overall appearance of the prison was cold and sterile,with an eerie bluish cast from the fluorescent lights.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well you're here you can meet your new colleagues.After all you're going to be here for quite some time,OOOrah”Monger said when escorting me into the meeting room. “Oh and one more thing Monger” added to me. “The Government wants to change your name to something new” like a name which we will address you now that you're well ...you know. ,I put in a good word for you so they gave you the chance to decide it.”

“But I don't want to change my name” I said in protest! “My name is Susan!That's it!Susan Murphy!”

“Look this is how it's gonna be…be glad you can choose your name okay?” Monger cut me off giving me a bit of a look of displeasure with my ungratefulness,but then again it was still a change nonetheless.

“Oh and breakfast has been served”Monger added

In the meeting room at first I was alone…just me…I felt alone,but then again maybe it was for the better. those freaks could be dangerous…especially Grubzilla that way he licked the glass…he must have been really craving for me.Speaking of eating I didn't feel the least bit hungry I lost my appetite along with any taste.

I went to have a closer look at the common room she saw a big chair and a big table built just for me “When some people want to really do something,they can do it really fast”I said to myself ,when realizing how hard it must have been to do it and in such a timeframe it did help to lift my spirits a bit.But then I sat there and looked around…this place was so bare,like yes the chair and table were nice but it just felt so basic and dull as if all the color was out of its life. “A carpet,a few paintings and some flowers would be nice,”I said, dreaming about it.I sat in it,It was cold and not very comfortable while I wanted to complain I realized a chair of this size must have been made from construction girders used for skyscrapers and this was a sad reality,that this was how it just is.

“Well,Good day to you Susan!”A familiar voice said.

I quickly stepped back and screamed in terror,but then promptly stopped,I really had to get used to this…

“Oh,I understand your fear.But you seem to have been getting more accustomed to here,as last time you tried to crush me,and you seem to be getting better!Good for you” .After all be taken away and locked up in a prison not allowed to even say goodbye to your family and friends.And then meet us terrifying creatures at the same time,It is no surprise you were scared." He congratulated me.

“It's so nice to see you you again,The buggman continued “maybe this time we can meet on better terms.Sorry about Link bothering you,he was just a little excited”

He seemed to be a kind and intelligent fellow.Maybe they all weren't that bad I thought to myself he was quite nice and charming.

“I think I should formally introduce myself. I am Dr. Jacques-Yves or “Cockroach” that's my new name but both work.And you are Susan we didn't meet on best terms last time so I think we can give it a go again.

While I was looking at him I noticed that my Breakfast was on the floor. “Why is it there?” I asked.

“Practicality as just having to build a system to lift it would be hard so it was decided that It would make the most sense for you to do it without assistance”.

“Yeah great!”I said in a sarcastic tone I just didn't feel like well…Susan.

The Army kinda had a point after all just building a mere chair was hard and expensive, it was the cold hard truth.

Speaking of the chair, when I wanted to move it,it stayed in place. I looked down and noticed it was bolted in place…this place really was bare-bones. I couldn't move in neared or further just sit,then I looked at the food when I put in in front of me

“Is this-” I began to say.

“Yes it's oatmeal!It is served to all personnel for breakfast.”Jacques said.

“Sigh” Oatmeal again,why did it have to be oatmeal?Just remembering how I used to have homemade marmalade and sweet tasty pancakes smothered in maple syrup and tea with sugar…ah those sweet memories.

I noticed that Link and the blob were there but that werewolf who I noticed last time wasn't.

Then Grubzilla came in and he was looking at me.I was panicking on the inside at least,I told myself internally “Surely he's fead and wouldn't eat me,right?''I looked at him with uncertainty.

I examined him,he was weird, he was bi-pedal and had some plates on what I assumed to be his tale,he was terrifyingly weird and scary.

The atmosphere was tense…

Suddenly Grubzilla reached out for me!

I was petrified in place!

His pincer arms caught me and took me!

“Oh no!NO!NO!NO!HE'S GOING TO EAT ME!!!”I screamed in terror.

He took me up and,and,and, and then he!…hugged me on his belly? I calmed down it was oddly relaxing.Quaint…he was trying to calm me.His fur was like feathers.They were so soft, I felt…lifted.I felt as If my Mother was hugging me when I was a little girl.I felt relaxed,calmed by him.It was so comforting of him.

“Just when I needed it”I said merrily.

“That means that he”likes you Link said

I rubbed his foot back and he happily stomped and then he purred,Like a cat but because of it being a creature of his size it couldn't really hear it but feel it.

I started wondering about grubbzilla and then I aksed Jacques.

“What,what even is he?”I asked,he was so odd his face kinda reminded me of a hamster. He had a tail and two big legs standing like a dinosaur,with four pincer-like arms and two antennas.

"He's a Giant mutated grub -Bombyx Mori to specify.Got Hit by radiation from Castle Bravo nuclear test in the pacific.Apart from growing he had a few other changes to his biology like the ability to shoot silk and his appearance changing quite a lot."

“He has a taste for Japanese Cities,Oh and his brain is still bug-sized" Jacques adeded sarcastically.

"Hey!Link said angrily Grubzilla wasn't actually attacking the city.He was teething on buildings since grubs don't have teeth and getting teeth was one of the side-effects."

“Wait, if he's from Japan why is he kept here?”I wondered.

“Because Dear Susan,this facility was made for such beings and it is the only real place of its type in the world!And there is an international agreement between the world governments to hide them here and assist with capturing them and denying them,which is also coupled with an agreement that other myths which do not disturbed the balance are to assistant in not being exposed.”

"How are you even like this?"I asked Dr.Jacques-Yves

“I am a brilliant scientist. While a little batty at times,I was quite normal.Until the day I tried my experiment with a machine which had the mutation enhancements of certain bug life to combine my genes and get the benefits. By test number 78 I was ready to have a go for it.It turned me into this hybrid mad genius.While it gave me the cockroaches ability to survive and the ability to walk on walls it came at a high price,I was half cockroach…and if that wasn't enough my after my transformations my mind shifted…it changed.I found myself no longer liking many things as I did before but liking things a bug would like.”

"How did you even end up here?"I asked him.

“Well I won't bore you, the change made me just lose myself,things just kinda happened.I was kind of out of control ,I tried to take over some countries the government was called in and I ended up here.”

“That over there missing Link Half-ape Half Fish.When explorers accidentally found him,scientists were sent to thaw him out.He immediately escaped and headed directly for the beaches which were his old watering home,went on a rampage,kidnapped several women and fought back and after a few actions Monger was sent and managed to bring him here.”

“That Blob is the Blob but we like to call him Bob.”

“He was created in an experiment with tomatoes and chemically altered ranch salad dressing. He is a creature of very little intellect but ,I must admit that he is by far the happiest of us. His blinding stupidity and mirthful ignorance just help him.He is a simpleton,but a happy simpleton.”

Well…this was interesting,.I thought to myself maybe they know something about this place I didn't. Any of them could tell me more about how this place goes,then an idea flew into my head!Maybe they allowed visits here…maybe I could see Mom and Dad and even Derek!

“Are there any visitors here,you know family or friends?I asked hopefully with a slight glint of hope in my eyes.”

“Family?To be truly honest Susan none of us really had any family.For instance I was always so busy and caught up in my work that I never truly had a family or even many friends. I was married to my work…yet even despite that I at times just seem to lack a certain something in my life as if I'm empty.”

“As for Link, his family and species died out many millennia ago leaving him alone in a world that moved on without him and he didn't have the best relation to women he kidnapped.He is truly a relic of a bygone era.”

"Bob is a result of an experiment so he had no real connection to anybody or anything.The closest thing he had was that he is part tomato but that's about it."

"Grubzilla never really had a family he was just hatched and left alone to his own devices, so he went on his own and had an adventure which led him here."

“But I have a Family!”I said, choking on my words “And i want to see them!”

I started to cry again

Link came up come on “Girly it isn't that bad give us a chance…and give me a chance im the tough guy after all”

“Link I think it would be best for you to Leave Susan alone,what she went through none of us did to be frank.”Jacques said to Link

“To be honest,we are the closest thing we ever had to a family.” Jacques added in.

“Any others here?”I asked, trying to get myself out of the gutter.

“Well yes but not all of them are as sociable as us…Some have been locked up for good and aren't even let into the meeting room.”

Really?Which?

“Well we have quite a few most aren't as friendly or sociable like us.That is why they usually stay permanently locked up in there cages as they would only cause trouble.We have all sorts of beings here thought to be mythical creatures A giant sea serpent,dragons,Harpies,Invisible Man.They were all caught either by Monger or governments with assistance from various other groups.”Jacques though back likely remembering the first meeting.

“There's also Beastman who is a werewolf. While he comes out he can only control himself in the day hours so his visits to the meeting room are often sporadic and limited.Hes quite charismatic and gentlemanly but can at night he is feral.He actually gave himself up to the government.”

This was so odd all these things that were supposed to be confined to imagination…they were all real and here.

“Susan dear?You wouldn't mind if I made a check on you?”

“It's fine…I guess.”

He ran some checks through his computer and other such ways. It was less embarrassing then in the lab I had to admit at least I was treated more like a person on a check-up rather than some oddity of nature that was being explored.

After a while Jacques said“This is oddly fascinating. Despite your size you seem to have abnormal strength and energy…”

“What energy?What strength?I don't feel powerful?I shouldn't even be here, I'm a normal girl”This was weird for me,and about to get weirder.

“Indeed,one of the most interesting ones I had the honor of knowing.

After re-examining his studies he looked at me.

“Hmm,your height is 15.214 meters 49 feet 11 inches,however your weight is not equal to your height.”

“My weight?”I added what was he rambling about?

“Exactly,you weigh less than twelve tons.You weigh merely 11.8 tons which is a quarter of what it should be at your proportions.You're amazingly light!”

“LIGHT!?”I screamed in shock and horror.

“I am as heavy as an elephant!”This was disgusting.Just the fact alone that I was as heavy as an elephant made me feel repulsed.

“A smidge heavier actually my dear.”He added "Remember you are far taller than an elephant.And the cube law which dictates if you increase somethings mass by a factor of two its mass increase by the cube…however in your case it seems as though your strength was cubed instead.How Lucky for you.And wait!There's more to you!Your cardiopulmonary system,your nervous system by any normal biological sense you defy all scientific logic!Whatever caused this would defy all laws of normal physics!But let's be honest you're not the only one to do that…But it is so monumentally fascinating!

“I dont get it…i was a normal girl and now im heavier that an elephant and disproportionately strong…”

“Of course you were!”He said soothingly.I looked at his odd face nervously and listened.

After a while Monger flew in?”Susan Murphy!Have you chosen your new name yet?!”Monger shouted he must have been busy,his temper was not good.

“No,I completely forgot sir.”It's just that i was just having a talk with some of the others here an-

“I get it,I can come back later and check if you got your new name,so long as you're happy with it”He said and left he is quite a busy man.

This Left me deep in thought she wanted to think of a name.

“I just need to think of a name,a name that best describes me,a name like…

Amazon Babe?Link proposed. “Big,Strong and Beautiful”he added.I layed down into a position

I shook my head. “No something else…delicate like a blossom,elegant like a ballerina.

Like bob?Bob the blob said.

“No youre bob!”Link said

“Oh yeah!I keep forgetting.Bob said rather brainlessly.

“Well you see it's not easy trying to be a woman,and a Giantess is even harder”

“I don't know” Link said “I never tried to be either”

“It's just when most imagine giants there are big and hairy monster.Dumb and masculine.”

How about Garganta,Ginormica…or……THE AMAZING COLOSSAL WOMAN!Link said

“You got that from a movie right?”I said in a lighter tone slightly chuckling to myself.

“You know it would be better if I were a Man,Men are always so strong and big and muscle bound.I need the name to be cute and delicate, while I weigh almost twelve tons and have over 20 foot long fell. It still doesn't mean i can't be gentle…”I said slowly thinking back on ideas for a name.

“So youre saying you need a name which shall be most fitting for yourself as with your form and with your personality in one.” Jacques-Yves said.

!Which would be the right name for it?MEGA-MAID?Monsterina?"

“How about Gaia?”Jacques replied he was done with his examinations of collected data and was paying me full attention.

"Well...I dont know"I said in uncertainty.

“She originates from Greek mythology.She is a giant,the personification of Earth and mother of all life.And the mother of the Titans,Cyclops and other giants”

“Gee,thanks Doc.But I think it's too vague like yeah she sounds good but the name just doesn't seem to fit me”I said after some deep thinking in my head.

Jacues-Yves went back deep into his thought and ended the silence with another well thought out suggestion.

“How about Titania?”

Now this sounded interesting, it did have that power and softness in it.It was by far the most fitting name so far.But it wasn't completely sold on it,but it sparked my interest.

That sounds interesting”

“Oh it is!”He said with a smile “It's from ancient classical Roman legend.It was the name given to the daughters of the Titans!”You might have heard of it sometime.He said looking proud of his suggestion.

No,I don't think so.Am I supposed to?I asked

The Queen of the Fairies in Shakespeare's Midsummer night's dream!So its fitting to represent both sides of you!

“That's great,...but I think it needs a bit of a change.Something just to deviate a little and make it inspired yet at the same time with a hint of familiarity Doc.”

Well let's think about it,meanwhile maybe we can talk about that Shakespearean classic!...you read it right?

“Well to be honest doc,I never read anything shakespeare.But I did see Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet with Derek.”I said abashed, my memories quickly came back.How she loved that movie and Derek did too it was such a romantic night…sigh…if only it were…if only it were.

You…never read Shakespeare?Jacques said in surprise. “I hope you don't mind me asking you this but where did you go to?”

“Well…I said, continuing to reminisce on my past. It was kinda normal standard school,not some school for gifted which you surely went to”

Actually my was fairly standard to Dr. Admitted “Not an extraordinary amount of geniuses there to be truthful”But they did force a few old classics into us students quite meticulously.

“Not by us.I think we did some Shakespeare in English,but I never was really interested in it.I remember only just something like First Folio and one thing about Fair is..well something”

Well then,First Folio is a compilation of 36 plays from Shakespeare whereas “Fair is Foul and Foul is fair”Is from Macbeth The power of unchecked ambition is the main theme of Macbeth and that sentence is one of the first in the entire book.

“Wow,you seem to know everything there is to know”I said he really was the smartest person I ever met.

“No,not at all!For instance I don't exactly how you grew to this size and how you defy so many laws of physics”

But I do seem to have quite an oddly good memory for such trivial things.

“I dont”I sighed. I had to admit I felt very ignorant dumb after that conversation with all things a bugman.

Then I remembered the name I thought about and thought about how to add that something to it.Than I came up with it!

I think I'll choose to call myself……TITANICA!

[tedwardremus]

Tagged by @annabtg!

🍓 how did you get into writing fanfiction?

I wrote fanfiction with my sister in a shared notebook when we were in elementary school. Then when the first Harry Potter movies came out in 2001 I was an active pre-teen on the WB Harry Potter message boards which then brought me to Mugglenet and FictionAlley.

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

4- Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Princess Diaries, Twilight,

🍈 How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Over twenty years but with breaks

🍎 Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I've gone through phases. I went ten years without writing anything but I was still an active reader. I'm no back to writing and reading

🍌 What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Well since I've been writing since I was a kid I hope I've improved a lot lol. I do one think is confidence though. I write for myself, not for the approval of others.

🍑 Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

Posting quickly. I need to slow down and allow things to breathe before I post.

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I went deep into medieval markets but then I didn't use any of it because I just wanted to do what narratively made sense and not what was historically accurate.

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Any comments! It is such a gift to receive a little note that someone enjoyed what I wrote, even its just a little heart. I appreciate everything.

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I'm the only person interested in writing about Frank Longbottom (if another Frank girlie is out there please hit me up)

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Multi-chapter (I'm too impatient!)

🍏What is the easiest type?

Simple scenes or one-shots that have been stuck in my brain for a long time.

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Google docs. Usually in the morning before work

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/ intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I'm not sure. I'm pretty much of the perspective that this fun and I do this for me so if I want to write something I will and if I'm struggling to write something or not having fun I'll table it for later.

🍇What made you choose your username?

Back when I was in grad school I made this secondary blog so I could share my depressed grad school thoughts away from my main blog. When I started writing fanfiction again I just started posting on this blog instead of my main since I didn't want to flood people with Harry Potter content. I debate with myself all the time if I want to change my username becuase I don't feel a connection to this username anymore and I don't really like being reminded how depressed I was in my twenties. But I don't know what my username should be so I;m stuck.

[rotm-channel]

RotM:MEET THE MONSTERS-Chapter II

“Are you awake Susan darling?”said a familiar voice.

“Derek!I had a nightmare, a terrible horrible nightmare that I was a hideous giantess.”

“Of course not," the voice said.”You're a very nice and handsome giantess.”

Or was it a dream?I cleared my eyes and my body was aching with pain and I saw Monger flying right in front of me in fact…“It wasn't a dream.” I realized,I felt utterly destroyed from this truth.I wanted to hide from this painful reality.

“Good News!Your time in solitary confinement is up!You're free to join the others!Oorah!”He said, hoping to cheer me up.

It was kinda relieving that I wouldn't be in one place in complete and utter solitude and finally get to talk to someone…then again that someone would be a hideous monster…And I was there,In solitary…alone,for days…at least I thought there were no clocks or skies to tell when it was day and night…time went by and I didnt have the slightest idea when was now or how long I was here.I was fed about three times a day I guess so i guess i was there about a week or so,they gave me oatmeal…I never really like it and this bulk army variation less.It was too dry and lumpy but I also got orange juice to balance it out.These were the loneliest days of my life…Id rather not even talk about them.

Monger and a trio of mini copters escorted me to the meeting room.Via the platform we went down with a level and then I was taken around the cells on my platform again.

This time I tried to look more closely. There were little people and little crates and all going about like ants in their antfill.

As we continued around, I saw many strange beings there…

I saw that buggy-scientist guy Dr…well something. At work he called out to me while playing with some toy bricks and building what looked like a toy brick variation of an atomic bomb.

“Aw Susan!You wouldn't happen to have some Uranium with you,I only need a little”I thought to myself that he must be joking no one would be that nutty.

The General did not: “Deny him his toy box privileges” he said to one of the guards.

“Yes Sir!”One of the guards replied via the walkie talkie.

Then I saw the Missing Link again. He was in his water tank lifting weights.

“Seven”

“Eight”

Then he noticed me and how I was looking at him.

“Nine Hundred Ninety Nine”

“One Thousand”

“Woah can't believe I did one thousand sets” he said trying to impress me and tossing away the weights,what was with him,did he think I didn't notice him till now?

This was some odd company I had here…but then again that should be expected.Because this place was built for monsters like- like- NO!I am not a monster, I am a normal girl who just by chance is stuck here!

We continued on…at times I looked at those strange beings despite not wanting to. They were hideous, they were odd,yet this morbid curiosity inside of me just forced me to just look at them.

Then I saw Grubzilla.

He was gigantic!Even in my view he was a giant…I shuddered in fear…just looking at him despite him not saying or doing anything scared me because after all he was a terrifying beast!All he was doing was looking at me… and then he roared and licked the glass as if he was trying to eat me!I was petrified.And to boot while I was a giant!But compared to this behemoth I was tiny…

While looking around I really started to see that the overall appearance of the prison was cold and sterile,with an eerie bluish cast from the fluorescent lights.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well you're here you can meet your new colleagues.After all you're going to be here for quite some time,OOOrah”Monger said when escorting me into the meeting room. “Oh and one more thing Monger” added to me. “The Government wants to change your name to something new” like a name which we will address you now that you're well ...you know. ,I put in a good word for you so they gave you the chance to decide it.”

“But I don't want to change my name” I said in protest! “My name is Susan!That's it!Susan Murphy!”

“Look this is how it's gonna be…be glad you can choose your name okay?” Monger cut me off giving me a bit of a look of displeasure with my ungratefulness,but then again it was still a change nonetheless.

“Oh and breakfast has been served”Monger added

In the meeting room at first I was alone…just me…I felt alone,but then again maybe it was for the better. those freaks could be dangerous…especially Grubzilla that way he licked the glass…he must have been really craving for me.Speaking of eating I didn't feel the least bit hungry I lost my appetite along with any taste.

I went to have a closer look at the common room she saw a big chair and a big table built just for me “When some people want to really do something,they can do it really fast”I said to myself ,when realizing how hard it must have been to do it and in such a timeframe it did help to lift my spirits a bit.But then I sat there and looked around…this place was so bare,like yes the chair and table were nice but it just felt so basic and dull as if all the color was out of its life. “A carpet,a few paintings and some flowers would be nice,”I said, dreaming about it.I sat in it,It was cold and not very comfortable while I wanted to complain I realized a chair of this size must have been made from construction girders used for skyscrapers and this was a sad reality,that this was how it just is.

“Well,Good day to you Susan!”A familiar voice said.

I quickly stepped back and screamed in terror,but then promptly stopped,I really had to get used to this…

“Oh,I understand your fear.But you seem to have been getting more accustomed to here,as last time you tried to crush me,and you seem to be getting better!Good for you” .After all be taken away and locked up in a prison not allowed to even say goodbye to your family and friends.And then meet us terrifying creatures at the same time,It is no surprise you were scared." He congratulated me.

“It's so nice to see you you again,The buggman continued “maybe this time we can meet on better terms.Sorry about Link bothering you,he was just a little excited”

He seemed to be a kind and intelligent fellow.Maybe they all weren't that bad I thought to myself he was quite nice and charming.

“I think I should formally introduce myself. I am Dr. Jacques-Yves or “Cockroach” that's my new name but both work.And you are Susan we didn't meet on best terms last time so I think we can give it a go again.

While I was looking at him I noticed that my Breakfast was on the floor. “Why is it there?” I asked.

“Practicality as just having to build a system to lift it would be hard so it was decided that It would make the most sense for you to do it without assistance”.

“Yeah great!”I said in a sarcastic tone I just didn't feel like well…Susan.

The Army kinda had a point after all just building a mere chair was hard and expensive, it was the cold hard truth.

Speaking of the chair, when I wanted to move it,it stayed in place. I looked down and noticed it was bolted in place…this place really was bare-bones. I couldn't move in neared or further just sit,then I looked at the food when I put in in front of me

“Is this-” I began to say.

“Yes it's oatmeal!It is served to all personnel for breakfast.”Jacques said.

“Sigh” Oatmeal again,why did it have to be oatmeal?Just remembering how I used to have homemade marmalade and sweet tasty pancakes smothered in maple syrup and tea with sugar…ah those sweet memories.

I noticed that Link and the blob were there but that werewolf who I noticed last time wasn't.

Then Grubzilla came in and he was looking at me.I was panicking on the inside at least,I told myself internally “Surely he's fead and wouldn't eat me,right?''I looked at him with uncertainty.

I examined him,he was weird, he was bi-pedal and had some plates on what I assumed to be his tale,he was terrifyingly weird and scary.

The atmosphere was tense…

Suddenly Grubzilla reached out for me!

I was petrified in place!

His pincer arms caught me and took me!

“Oh no!NO!NO!NO!HE'S GOING TO EAT ME!!!”I screamed in terror.

He took me up and,and,and, and then he!…hugged me on his belly? I calmed down it was oddly relaxing.Quaint…he was trying to calm me.His fur was like feathers.They were so soft, I felt…lifted.I felt as If my Mother was hugging me when I was a little girl.I felt relaxed,calmed by him.It was so comforting of him.

“Just when I needed it”I said merrily.

“That means that he”likes you Link said

I rubbed his foot back and he happily stomped and then he purred,Like a cat but because of it being a creature of his size it couldn't really hear it but feel it.

I started wondering about grubbzilla and then I aksed Jacques.

“What,what even is he?”I asked,he was so odd his face kinda reminded me of a hamster. He had a tail and two big legs standing like a dinosaur,with four pincer-like arms and two antennas.

"He's a Giant mutated grub -Bombyx Mori to specify.Got Hit by radiation from Castle Bravo nuclear test in the pacific.Apart from growing he had a few other changes to his biology like the ability to shoot silk and his appearance changing quite a lot."

“He has a taste for Japanese Cities,Oh and his brain is still bug-sized" Jacques adeded sarcastically.

"Hey!Link said angrily Grubzilla wasn't actually attacking the city.He was teething on buildings since grubs don't have teeth and getting teeth was one of the side-effects."

“Wait, if he's from Japan why is he kept here?”I wondered.

“Because Dear Susan,this facility was made for such beings and it is the only real place of its type in the world!And there is an international agreement between the world governments to hide them here and assist with capturing them and denying them,which is also coupled with an agreement that other myths which do not disturbed the balance are to assistant in not being exposed.”

"How are you even like this?"I asked Dr.Jacques-Yves

“I am a brilliant scientist. While a little batty at times,I was quite normal.Until the day I tried my experiment with a machine which had the mutation enhancements of certain bug life to combine my genes and get the benefits. By test number 78 I was ready to have a go for it.It turned me into this hybrid mad genius.While it gave me the cockroaches ability to survive and the ability to walk on walls it came at a high price,I was half cockroach…and if that wasn't enough my after my transformations my mind shifted…it changed.I found myself no longer liking many things as I did before but liking things a bug would like.”

"How did you even end up here?"I asked him.

“Well I won't bore you, the change made me just lose myself,things just kinda happened.I was kind of out of control ,I tried to take over some countries the government was called in and I ended up here.”

“That over there missing Link Half-ape Half Fish.When explorers accidentally found him,scientists were sent to thaw him out.He immediately escaped and headed directly for the beaches which were his old watering home,went on a rampage,kidnapped several women and fought back and after a few actions Monger was sent and managed to bring him here.”

“That Blob is the Blob but we like to call him Bob.”

“He was created in an experiment with tomatoes and chemically altered ranch salad dressing. He is a creature of very little intellect but ,I must admit that he is by far the happiest of us. His blinding stupidity and mirthful ignorance just help him.He is a simpleton,but a happy simpleton.”

Well…this was interesting,.I thought to myself maybe they know something about this place I didn't. Any of them could tell me more about how this place goes,then an idea flew into my head!Maybe they allowed visits here…maybe I could see Mom and Dad and even Derek!

“Are there any visitors here,you know family or friends?I asked hopefully with a slight glint of hope in my eyes.”

“Family?To be truly honest Susan none of us really had any family.For instance I was always so busy and caught up in my work that I never truly had a family or even many friends. I was married to my work…yet even despite that I at times just seem to lack a certain something in my life as if I'm empty.”

“As for Link, his family and species died out many millennia ago leaving him alone in a world that moved on without him and he didn't have the best relation to women he kidnapped.He is truly a relic of a bygone era.”

"Bob is a result of an experiment so he had no real connection to anybody or anything.The closest thing he had was that he is part tomato but that's about it."

"Grubzilla never really had a family he was just hatched and left alone to his own devices, so he went on his own and had an adventure which led him here."

“But I have a Family!”I said, choking on my words “And i want to see them!”

I started to cry again

Link came up come on “Girly it isn't that bad give us a chance…and give me a chance im the tough guy after all”

“Link I think it would be best for you to Leave Susan alone,what she went through none of us did to be frank.”Jacques said to Link

“To be honest,we are the closest thing we ever had to a family.” Jacques added in.

“Any others here?”I asked, trying to get myself out of the gutter.

“Well yes but not all of them are as sociable as us…Some have been locked up for good and aren't even let into the meeting room.”

Really?Which?

“Well we have quite a few most aren't as friendly or sociable like us.That is why they usually stay permanently locked up in there cages as they would only cause trouble.We have all sorts of beings here thought to be mythical creatures A giant sea serpent,dragons,Harpies,Invisible Man.They were all caught either by Monger or governments with assistance from various other groups.”Jacques though back likely remembering the first meeting.

“There's also Beastman who is a werewolf. While he comes out he can only control himself in the day hours so his visits to the meeting room are often sporadic and limited.Hes quite charismatic and gentlemanly but can at night he is feral.He actually gave himself up to the government.”

This was so odd all these things that were supposed to be confined to imagination…they were all real and here.

“Susan dear?You wouldn't mind if I made a check on you?”

“It's fine…I guess.”

He ran some checks through his computer and other such ways. It was less embarrassing then in the lab I had to admit at least I was treated more like a person on a check-up rather than some oddity of nature that was being explored.

After a while Jacques said“This is oddly fascinating. Despite your size you seem to have abnormal strength and energy…”

“What energy?What strength?I don't feel powerful?I shouldn't even be here, I'm a normal girl”This was weird for me,and about to get weirder.

“Indeed,one of the most interesting ones I had the honor of knowing.

After re-examining his studies he looked at me.

“Hmm,your height is 15.214 meters 49 feet 11 inches,however your weight is not equal to your height.”

“My weight?”I added what was he rambling about?

“Exactly,you weigh less than twelve tons.You weigh merely 11.8 tons which is a quarter of what it should be at your proportions.You're amazingly light!”

“LIGHT!?”I screamed in shock and horror.

“I am as heavy as an elephant!”This was disgusting.Just the fact alone that I was as heavy as an elephant made me feel repulsed.

“A smidge heavier actually my dear.”He added "Remember you are far taller than an elephant.And the cube law which dictates if you increase somethings mass by a factor of two its mass increase by the cube…however in your case it seems as though your strength was cubed instead.How Lucky for you.And wait!There's more to you!Your cardiopulmonary system,your nervous system by any normal biological sense you defy all scientific logic!Whatever caused this would defy all laws of normal physics!But let's be honest you're not the only one to do that…But it is so monumentally fascinating!

“I dont get it…i was a normal girl and now im heavier that an elephant and disproportionately strong…”

“Of course you were!”He said soothingly.I looked at his odd face nervously and listened.

After a while Monger flew in?”Susan Murphy!Have you chosen your new name yet?!”Monger shouted he must have been busy,his temper was not good.

“No,I completely forgot sir.”It's just that i was just having a talk with some of the others here an-

“I get it,I can come back later and check if you got your new name,so long as you're happy with it”He said and left he is quite a busy man.

This Left me deep in thought she wanted to think of a name.

“I just need to think of a name,a name that best describes me,a name like…

Amazon Babe?Link proposed. “Big,Strong and Beautiful”he added.I layed down into a position

I shook my head. “No something else…delicate like a blossom,elegant like a ballerina.

Like bob?Bob the blob said.

“No youre bob!”Link said

“Oh yeah!I keep forgetting.Bob said rather brainlessly.

“Well you see it's not easy trying to be a woman,and a Giantess is even harder”

“I don't know” Link said “I never tried to be either”

“It's just when most imagine giants there are big and hairy monster.Dumb and masculine.”

How about Garganta,Ginormica…or……THE AMAZING COLOSSAL WOMAN!Link said

“You got that from a movie right?”I said in a lighter tone slightly chuckling to myself.

“You know it would be better if I were a Man,Men are always so strong and big and muscle bound.I need the name to be cute and delicate, while I weigh almost twelve tons and have over 20 foot long fell. It still doesn't mean i can't be gentle…”I said slowly thinking back on ideas for a name.

“So youre saying you need a name which shall be most fitting for yourself as with your form and with your personality in one.” Jacques-Yves said.

!Which would be the right name for it?MEGA-MAID?Monsterina?"

“How about Gaia?”Jacques replied he was done with his examinations of collected data and was paying me full attention.

"Well...I dont know"I said in uncertainty.

“She originates from Greek mythology.She is a giant,the personification of Earth and mother of all life.And the mother of the Titans,Cyclops and other giants”

“Gee,thanks Doc.But I think it's too vague like yeah she sounds good but the name just doesn't seem to fit me”I said after some deep thinking in my head.

Jacues-Yves went back deep into his thought and ended the silence with another well thought out suggestion.

“How about Titania?”

Now this sounded interesting, it did have that power and softness in it.It was by far the most fitting name so far.But it wasn't completely sold on it,but it sparked my interest.

That sounds interesting”

“Oh it is!”He said with a smile “It's from ancient classical Roman legend.It was the name given to the daughters of the Titans!”You might have heard of it sometime.He said looking proud of his suggestion.

No,I don't think so.Am I supposed to?I asked

The Queen of the Fairies in Shakespeare's Midsummer night's dream!So its fitting to represent both sides of you!

“That's great,...but I think it needs a bit of a change.Something just to deviate a little and make it inspired yet at the same time with a hint of familiarity Doc.”

Well let's think about it,meanwhile maybe we can talk about that Shakespearean classic!...you read it right?

“Well to be honest doc,I never read anything shakespeare.But I did see Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet with Derek.”I said abashed, my memories quickly came back.How she loved that movie and Derek did too it was such a romantic night…sigh…if only it were…if only it were.

You…never read Shakespeare?Jacques said in surprise. “I hope you don't mind me asking you this but where did you go to?”

“Well…I said, continuing to reminisce on my past. It was kinda normal standard school,not some school for gifted which you surely went to”

Actually my was fairly standard to Dr. Admitted “Not an extraordinary amount of geniuses there to be truthful”But they did force a few old classics into us students quite meticulously.

“Not by us.I think we did some Shakespeare in English,but I never was really interested in it.I remember only just something like First Folio and one thing about Fair is..well something”

Well then,First Folio is a compilation of 36 plays from Shakespeare whereas “Fair is Foul and Foul is fair”Is from Macbeth The power of unchecked ambition is the main theme of Macbeth and that sentence is one of the first in the entire book.

“Wow,you seem to know everything there is to know”I said he really was the smartest person I ever met.

“No,not at all!For instance I don't exactly how you grew to this size and how you defy so many laws of physics”

But I do seem to have quite an oddly good memory for such trivial things.

“I dont”I sighed. I had to admit I felt very ignorant dumb after that conversation with all things a bugman.

Then I remembered the name I thought about and thought about how to add that something to it.Than I came up with it!

I think I'll choose to call myself……TITANICA!

Link Chapter I : https://www.tumblr.com/rotm-channel/753657409087684608/birth-of-a-monsteroriginal-story-part-1

I hope you liked it,if so please give a heart and reblog

[anatifery]

Writeblr Introduction

Who am I? I'm Anatifery, progenitor of ducks, and I figured I should probably do one of these in an attempt to appear neighborly. I don't expect anyone to really read or even see what I post; I've never been big on social media and have never successfully garnered an audience. Quite simply, I have never had the drive to achieve a following beyond fleeting "what-ifs" and "really-shoulds." I was on tumblr long ago when the Deep Magic was written and then vanished from the world. I arise again because I've been locked in a state of post-covid affliction wherein I have little energy to do much of anything physical. I can type most days and I can think some days though the latter do not always intersect with the former.

The beginning of my internet self pre-dates extant social media platforms. That was the time of monsters never using your real name and that habit stuck with me. To be fair though I have never and wouldn't publish under my real name either unless I have no other choice.

I am generally pretty proud of my writing upon completion if only for the sheer fact that it is completed. I do not, however, think I am all that good of writer. The Clarion workshop seems to agree as I am a rejected applicant. That is perfectly okay.

Oh, and I suppose I should speak to pronouns. I accept any barring "it" and I would prefer not neo-pronouns. I have no judgments against neo-pronouns but they somehow feel less "me" than the classics.

What do I write?

A little of a lot. Ideally I would have something for everyone but I can obviously make no guarantees. I don't normally write smut nor do I often include instances akin to it in wider works but that is not to say that it will never happen. The primary genres and tropes that come up the most I would wager are sci-fi, low-magic fantasy, historical fantasy, and nearly always something close to romance with a queer character if some romance is appropriate at all. Some of what I'm working on the larger picture: Working Name "Therewolf" - historical fantasy set in Al-Andalus in the 17th century, in a world where the Reconquista did not occur (though this isn't really important to the plot). Maryam is a werewolf hunter and makes her living protecting towns from them. There are, unknown to the common people, no real werewolves on the entire Iberian peninsula though; she is a charlatan but actually a decent real wolf hunter which helps sell the scam. She gets drawn into a deep conspiracy when she finds her employer dead, hanged inside his own home in an apparent suicide. Working Name "Neon Apogee" - relatively standard cyberpunk fare (very imaginative, I know), and not to be conflated with my short story of the same name (same world, though). This follows Cahaya, a non-binary 'net investigator intent on solving crimes perpetrated by the elite upon the lower classes; the sorts of crimes that the police would never look into. In fact, it seems like the police themselves are often their primary suspects. Working Name "The Real Monsters" - a post-apocalyptic humanity has pulled themselves more or less together. They have religious prohibitions against robots and many types of automation, and have chosen instead to uplift animals to serve as workers. The problem, however, was never AI; it was how humans treat those they deem beneath them. This summary doesn't sound that inventive and I apologize for that but I do think I actually am bringing a nice spin on the whole thing. What do I post?

If and when I post, it will be short stories that I create to procrastinate from work on real manuscripts which I have a hope of publishing. Excerpts from the above will probably not be posted. At some point I may delve back into fanfic, especially if my condition does not soon improve. Those I would be willing to share parts of. I will be on AO3; I've already signed up just in case we come to it.

Thank you

If you gotten this far then I salute you but I wonder why. Thank you for your interest up to this point, though. Please follow me if you have any inclination. Any interaction here to be honest would put a smile to my face and warmth in my heart.

[cheshire-castle-library]

hey! this is chance & here’s this week’s prompt. what websites or resources do you use while you write or develop a character/story? what do you think of them and would you recommend them?

Hello!! Been fighting a war of spoons this week, so sorry for the delay with this!

Honestly it would be magical if I had 1 single source I could rely on for writer's research, but Google is generally my starting point. After that here are the places I trust the information of:

Masterclass - there are a surprising number of articles and mini interviews for free written or influenced by the professional writers in the platform. One day I'll pay for the full service if only to hear Mr. Gaiman tell me his perspective on storytelling; but the free articles are really concise and informative for structure

Save the Cat Writes a Novel (its a book but there are references all over the internet to it as well) - definitely don't feel chained to what the method lays out!! But the nuances about what should happen in certain types of beats are a great push when you get stuck!!! But it's a really rigid beat sheet that probably won't 100% adhere to what you need it to be.

Behind the Name - actually discusses meanings and origins of cultural names!! This is a great way to get started or to help carve put a character who is a little too murky to write yet.

The Phrontistry - difficult to navigate on a time crunch since its not made for writers, but ctrl-f a key word helps. This place has lists and lists of DEAD WORDS!! Use it to name shit! Use it learn victorian and old english slang. Use it because you just like words. (By the way, a Phrontistry is "a place meant for thinking", so a Zen garden is a phrontistry!!)

My Uni Library Website - this is a privilege I know, but if you can get access to academic sources on arts and cultures it really changes the way you can respectfully draw inspiration from other cultures!!

4TheWords - this is the ADHD buster! Its down at the time I wrote this, but it's a website that gamifies writing so its not just a timer like in writing sprints, every word you type goes to "defeating a monster". You so quests like any mmo and I've legitimate written over 50k in under 30 days because brain goes into panic "it doesn't have to be good" mode and I can get stuff done! Its not totally free, but the micropurchases are actually micro snd you can earn time as well as buy it. They have to make ends meet so i can't be mad

Writer.bighugelabs.com - ive used this online typewriter for like 5+ years. Lifetime membership is 99$ and it goes to the one guy who made it keeping it running. It's got an offline mode and document history so just as long as you are careful and you preload the tab, you don't need data on your netbook/chromebook/ipad to write. It's no markdown, just words on page, it makes typewriter noises, and it looks like a dos command prompt. If you pay for it, you can customize colours, and ive used it for everything from timed exams to emails to novel chapters.

Obsidian.md - free program you can get as an app or on desktop that lets you make basically your own wiki. I've posted about it for my studies, but you can just make your own wiki about your novel, or choose to write directly into it. It supports markdown and latex-like formulae so I've literally written reports in it.

Also like,,,, don't be afraid to use the blogs of other writers! They have experience you could use. But I try to avoid posts that are "7 tips to write x y z" or "never do p q r when writing" because they just get in my head and are generally highly opinionated and are not objectively correct.

I do use, reblog, and strongly support resource and psa type posts though!! Some beautiful human has been making "ways to write [emotion]" posts on tumblr and that person I would like to kiss. They are useful information-based and example-based posts that are just like "and here are some oprions" instead of giving people who are already prone to second guessing themselves (writers) more things to fear cause them "should i even try, what if im cringe and everyone roasts my work" anxiety. ((If people are gonna roast your work, they will nitpick it apart regardless of whether you reinvented My Immortal or wrote the spiritual successor to This Is How You Lose The Time War, so like,,, please just write @me and everyone else who needs to hear that.))

I also advise at least skimming posts about demographics you are not in, especially the ones about how they want to be represented and how it's appropriate to include that in your narrative structure. If you are not in that demographic, you - by definition - cannot fully understand what it's like to be the people who are. Therefore you should to do some quality research and maybe be willing to ask questions of people to make sure you don't fall into stereotypes/virtue signaling/etc.

Finally, *inhales*: WIKIPEDIA!

Yes anyone can edit it, but you know who does??? Coffee riddled neurodivergent individuals with a passion for that one obscure thing you were shocked to find on Wikipedia.

Use the information as a primer, and then to to the sources and try to track down more specific and more "reliable" information. But Wikipedia is usually enough if you are like designing creatures and stuff like that. I don't need amphibious biology research to design an axolotl-like alien sentient lifeform.

That being said, I'm not going to stay limited to wikipedia when i go to learn about xolotl and the culture that named axolotls in order to make sure i don't just steal one animal and a naming convention but also pay some respect and homage to the spirit of the animal and related irl folklore. But finding relatable and first hand cultural sources is very case by case.

[i-like-eyes]

DevLog 2

We are at log 2 and real life has already got in the way. As I don't got a lot to show off I'll post some non-spoilery asset stuff and hide the rambling under read more.

While I did get a good chunk of the script done, there is still plenty of dialogue I need to get to. As a result, I didn't get any maps done. I'm trying to make this game with RPG Paper Maker's strengths in mind, but every once in awhile I'll realize I made an assumption of what the engine can do and the script has to be put on pause because of it. For example, a lot of this game I had already planned out having pictures on screen for more cinematic scenes. Literally two days ago I realized I don't actually know how to do that in the engine. Thankfully there is a Discord for RPGPM and the people there have been a huge help.

To supplement my question I had drawn a reference of what I meant; it's nothing significant I just think it looks funny.

I'm probably not going to show off the script itself because words on a doc isn't terribly interesting. Here are talk sprites in the mean time.

In order they are Holly, Jim, and Micheal. I might talk more about them next month.

Grant herself I debating making a talk sprite for, I probably will in the end but I'm wondering if how she reacts in those sections should be left up to the player to interpret. I'm thinking about how you see Phoenix clearly while in a courtroom because of the more cinematic approach to that section of the game, but when talking to other characters you don't see his face; instead the characters are talking directly to you because it's more personal. That (and a stupid amount of over analyzing the portraits of FE13-16 because FETH criticism is fucking weird) contributed to the npcs in this game looking directly at you. Also because horror game, things are supposed to be a bit unnerving. If Grant had a sprite she wouldn't look at the player because you are playing as he;, she should reflect the fact that you are looking at the npcs.

While this is the first game I've taken really seriously as a personal project, it's development cycle still throws me off because of what I've done beforehand for school.

It's weird, normally when making a game I'd focus on gameplay first and story last. I've done a handful of small scale projects at school, and the number one thing teachers drill into your head is to have the gameplay and the narrative play off each other. Most students go in with this epic idea for a story and only really want to make it a game because games are cool, not that they think they can have the gameplay enhance the plot. This combined with a lot of demos we made were based on popular genres (FPS for example) meant our development cycle looked a lot like gameplay first then story built to compliment that. My other game ideas either looked like that or smth more equally balanced, I think of a story element and a gameplay element I thought of happens to compliment that, but I've never had to come up with the majority of the plot first then the gameplay afterwards. Part of it was trying to discourage students from doing that, because they tend to have far too ambitious plotlines in mind. The other part was like fucking hell they are teaching us that weird niche visual novel shit because we are being trained to work for some company's Toronto division pumping out sequels.

But ultimately I've just never had an idea like this one before. Half my game ideas are fighting games and the rest are platformers, puzzle games, etc. I have thought of two -ish TRPG's, and briefly came up with a couple of other visual novel ideas, but they never stuck with me as long as the likes of Red Spikey Hair Guy Needs To Let Out Some Anger The Platformer (WIP name). If that title is any indication, the plot isn't my main concern for that game yet. That's because I want to figure out the gameplay more before I further flesh the story out because I want it to blend together. And then it gets put on hold because I forget how to program. Anyways, with Riverside there is very minimal gameplay. The reason why it is still a game and not just a comic or smth is because I think it is very important that you are put in the shoes of a patient at a nursing home, because you can't really get the same empathy with any other medium. Or hell, you don't get that same experience in real life until it's too late.

[poutyniall]

Oh, dear! I cried so much at first when I saw that I didn't get a seat to study mathematics (Something I always thought I'd study). In fact, my bio in some social media platforms used to be 'I'm a writer who studies maths'.

Let me tell you how I used to be that perfect smart child who always gets the best results. So, my mother always brags about me to literally everyone she knows. I'm sure you understand how much of a pressure it is to me.

I'm pretty good at maths, too. So, I was positive that I'm going to get the chance. But since I graduated from high school, I really gave up on studies. I felt like I was finally free from a prison. So, I didn't even practice a single math for almost 3 months.

I should have expected the consequences of my own action. So, this is what happened. But I got a seat to study English instead. I'm a huge bookworm, and I want to be a writer in my future. But it is a subject that doesn't get much respect in my country. And people usually say that those who are failures usually study this one. Of course, I don't care about what others say. I would have gladly studied it too. But apparently, my mother is embarrassed that after how she had bragged about me being a science prodigy child have to study English instead.

I really want to enjoy studying English. But I don't think I can stomach my mother's constant reminder that I had failed as a student.

One thing that had stuck with me is that when she told that I was the hare from the story 'the hare and the turtle' (I suppose you know the story) and my elder sister was the turtle. Because my sister, even though she didn't always aced in high school, is studying Biotechnology in University.

I'm sorry I said so much. It just hurts really bad. I had to say it to someone. And thank you for listening to me.

First thing first, thank you for trusting me with this. You can talk all you want, I'll listen.

Sweetheart, just because you didn't get the seat doesn't mean you're not pretty good at math anymore. Yes, maybe the result was affected by the fact you didn't practice after graduating or maybe not. We'll never know but it's okay, 'cause it doesn't matter now. There're so many paths in front of you and you're the only one who can decide what's the best one for you. I know it's easier said than done but try to keep people's expectations of you out of your head and do what you want to do. Be your own priority, put yourself first and listen to the little voice inside you. Do you want to study English? Do it ( a little digression: these kind of subjects - humanities - don't get much respect here either and I genuinely don't understand why. I mean, we all have different type of intelligence and every subject has its own difficulties). Do you want to take this year off to just live and enjoy your life and try again for math next year? Do that. Do you want to study English now but you'll decide to change subject next year? You can do that if you want. You can do whatever you want.