#like i realized i did not have the hypothetical energy to keep up with how demanding and aggressive the community can be

[sdmsims]

also - if you think it’s in any way excusable to harass creators of cc or mods for not updating ‘quickly enough’ , please re evaluate your morals

i understand that it can be frustrating when these people are making huge patreon salaries, but the normalization of this type of behavior effect ALL cc and mod creators and risks scaring them out of the sphere

[the-s1lly-corner]

TADC cast crushing on the reader

+ gummigoo and princess loolilalu!! Hooray! i think i might have written something like this a long long long time ago buuuuuuuut with episode 2 out and more info on some characters, i decided to remake it... if i have written this before..!

Notes: reader is GN but post mainly focuses on the canon characters

CWs: none

CAINE

Very obvious, and he's not going to waste too much time flirting with you before he asks you out on a date. He gives you special attention compared to the other circus members and always checks in on you first. He's open to flirting, but he doesn't go overboard with it... he's got to keep it family friendly, you know! Boggles at you if you return the energy, before regaining himself and hitting right back with a line. Doesn't hold back any punches when trying to impress you, it hits its peak when he tries to ask you out. It can get... overwhelming...

POMNI

Poor girl. She's so awkward around you, she doesn't want you to think she's some loser. Even though she kind of is already/j. Tries to make conversation with you to get to know you better and to just spend time with you. She's... clumsy... in the sense that she stumbles over her own words and seems more on edge when you're around. You might even think you did something wrong to make her act so tense around you. Not at all confident when asking you out, actually you might be the one to ask her first just to get the tension done and over with. She tries her best not to seem rude or put off by you, she's just clamming up is all!

RAGATHA

Similar to Pomni she's a little awkward, but she keeps herself composed much easier. Yoinking the fact that she practices her words before talking to someone and using it here. She hypes herself up before knocking on your door to check in on you. Very attentive to you and your needs, she subconsciously puts your wants/needs above her own... call her out on that because there's going to come a point where it's going to come to her detriment. Makes you things every now and then, cannot accept anything in return but she will try. Asks you out when she feels the time is right, and even if you don't feel the same she tries to move on with the friendship as normal unless you want some space.

JAX

When he's crushing someone he's the type to tease them and lightly bully them. "But Admin, he already does that," You might say. And you wouldn't be wrong. I can see him leaning more into it, though. So if you notice him getting onto you more than he did before.. well you might just assume he's being a jerk. He thinks love is gross, as immature as it sounds. Cooties mentality, so he does what he can to try to smother those feelings. On top of that he hates the idea of being vulnerable, giving him all the more incentive to try to destroy those feelings. Oddly enough, he still tosses pickup lines your way if he notices it gets under your skin. Is it mean? Yes, but let's not forget that Jax IS mean...

KINGER

It's hard to tell when he's crushing on someone simply because he's so... Kinger. But some big signs to let you know that you're on his mind is him hovering around you more and more as time passes. He's already lost his wife and deeply scared that something is going to happen to you. Actually, that fear might push him to tell you how he feels fairly quickly. It's nearly suffocating, and he needs that peace of mind that he can at least tell you how he feels before anything hypothetically happens. Strikes up conversations whenever he can, a lot revolving around his own interests because that's what helps keep him grounded and in the present moment... but he wants to hear you talk to! A bit of a flirt, surprisingly, but he's very polite about it.

ZOOBLE

Its hard to read zooble sometimes, but they make it easy by being forward with you. They come forward when they realize they have feelings for you, and that said feelings aren't just a dud and won't pass easily. Very accepting on whatever you answer, but I can see them needing some space from you if you reject them. It doesn't mean the friendship is over, Zooble just needs time to get those feelings out. Similarly to Jax, they don't like being vulnerable like that. Unlike Jax, they want to get it done and over with sooner rather than later. Not a flirt, but they will become more... noticeably relaxed and open around you. At least by Zooble standards.

GANGLE

Shy.. and awkward... I know I keep saying the girls are awkward, but Gangle is going to give Pomni a run for her money with how much of a mess she becomes. Doodles you a lot, becomes more cagey about her sketchbooks and papers because of this. Follows along with whatever you suggest you two do for the day, and doesn't protest all that much because she wants to make you happy and perhaps even impress you. Definitely fantasizes about some fanfiction-esque scene that leads to the two of you ending up together... it's actually a little... pathetic... and it's unlikely to happen like that, and knowing a certain circus member.. cough cough Jax.. she's probably not going to get the chance to tell you herself on her terms...

LOO

Very straight forward and confident when asking you out, and she takes it with grace if you don't feel the same. Similar to Caine, she gives you special attention! She might even give you some special privileges in her kingdom... definitely gives you some pointers that she's developing some feelings for you. A great listener, wants to know just about everything about you and she's going to let you rant and ramble about anything you want. She responds too, by the way. She doesn't just listen, she keeps the conversation going. Leaves you gifts every now and then!

GUMMIGOO

If this is post... everything... and he was allowed to stay, having a crush on someone so soon actually distresses him a little bit. He's just learned that he's an NPC and everything he knew prior to... everything.. was fake.. it all feels too sudden. The stress translates into frustration, so you may fall under the impression that he's upset with you. He is.. but only a little, for making him feel like this. But a bulk of it is towards himself and his circumstances. If this were any other time or if he didn't have the knowledge he has now, he would be more open and even attempt to flirt and tease you. Sad stuff.

[blitzsicedcoffee]

A New Day, Chapter 2: Urges

They both collapse on the couch, back in their comfy clothes for the rest of the day. Blitz fiddles with his fingers.

"Soooo watcha wanna do?" He asks, smiling and leaning in towards Stolas. Stolas looks around and his mouth forms a line.

"Uhm-well I didn't think this far ahead" he admits, blushing as Blitz leans in.

Then Stolas yawns, "Honestly I'm so tired every day since the trial. Is this how everyone feels all the time? Always tired?"

Blitz shrugs, "maybe? Or maybe your powers were just making up for some of your lack of sleep".

Stolas rolls his eyes, "I get plenty of sleep". Blitz snorts, "Sure. And you definitely don't talk in your sleep about the cosmos and our future".

Stolas's eyes widen, "Wait-Do I???!" Blitz laughs and play punches him, "Nah, I'm just messing with you".

"Pff rude", Stolas rubs his arm and sits with his legs crossed on the couch, leaning his chin against a hand.

"Hmmm wanna play a board game?" Blitz asks, gesturing to the stack of them that have gathered dust on a shelf. Stolas pouts his beak, "Not really".

"Wanna learn more cooking stuff?" He asks again, and Stolas shrugs, "Whatever you want to do".

Blitz's face sours now and he takes Stolas's hands in his.

"What's up with you? Are you okay?" He asks and Stolas huffs.

"Yes! I'm just...I miss my things. My books, my plants, my hobbies. But I thought it superficial to say something". He looks down and Blitz tilts his chin back up, "That makes complete sense".

"It does?" He asks, blinking. Blitz nods, "Stolas, you lost everything. And those are things you care about. Things you did to pass your time away from the probably horrible stuffy royal shit".

Stolas chuckles, "Yes I often hid from meetings in the greenhouse". Blitz laughs, "See? Your hobbies make you, you. So don't feel bad for them".

"If you're sure...then I really really miss my books and my plants. Andrealphus killed my longest plant too, I just know it", tears escape his eyes and he wipes them quickly, as Blitz kisses his cheek.

"Then I'm gonna get you something", he says, standing up and putting on his coat and shoes.

Stolas blinks and hugs himself, "You don't have to Blitz, you've already done so much..." He trails off but Blitz points to him, his face changing to a serious expression.

"Hey. None of that. If I want to treat my pretty bird then I will. Capiche?" He asks and Stolas nods, blushing.

"I'll be back in an hour", he says as Stolas waves him off.

Stolas didn't like being alone lately. He used to be able to handle it. Well, that was a lie. He used to get uncomfortable when he's alone and drink. Which was...almost all the time. At least when he wasn't tending to stuffy royal duties or at a ball. Or attempting family dinners for Octavia. Anytime he got time alone, he always ended up back at the bottle. He hated it. Hates still how much it controls him. How much he has wanted some these past few weeks.

Blitz, surprising Stolas, doesn't keep alcohol in his home. And Stolas has realized that he does very sober coping mechanisms. Eating mostly. Ice cream, hot sauce, cheese. He admits to himself that the hot sauce and spicy chips he eats does give a good kick that distracts him for a moment. But only a moment. He has needed something to keep him from his thoughts.

They aren't...thoughts he would act on. He's sure of it. At least not anymore. But the thoughts come nonetheless. Even if they're hypothetical. More intrusive than they used to be.

He gets up from the couch and it feels like it takes all his energy, trudging over to the kitchen. He opens the fridge but there's not much. Grabbing the milk, he pours some in a cup then accidentally bumps the fridge when putting the milk back. When he does, the fridge shakes and he hears a bottle clang at the top of the fridge, behind a cupboard. He pushes against the fridge again and hears It again.

He takes his cup of milk and goes to walk away when he stops and squeezes his eyes and sighs, then walks back over. He pours out the milk.

Just a little right? He can't have much up there anyway.

He opens the cupboard over the fridge and finds one bottle inside. It's half full with brandy. His pupils dilate and he closes the cupboard suddenly.

You've been sober three weeks, you're going to fuck it up now?

He shakes his head and steps back from the kitchen. Away from his now empty cup. Holding his hands against the wall and closes his eyes, trying to ground himself. He takes deep breaths and squeezes his shaking hands. Sitting back on the couch he clutches the pillow tight. His claws digging into the fabric a little. He breathes into the pillow, it forcing him to breathe slower. And finally it slows to a low lull.

The whole ordeal makes him more exhausted than he was before, and he passes out willingly against the pillow held to his chest and shoulder.

A few hours pass and Blitz comes home, making a rather loud ruckus through the front door.

"Hey Birdy I'm back-oh", he realizes Stolas is asleep and smiles. "So tired all the time ..", he says to himself. He puts down all the bags he's holding. Pulls out the Chinese food for dinner and sets it up, putting Stolas's near his face that maybe it'll wake him up.

Then he also places four new plants and a bookstore gift card on the coffee table next to his food.

Blitz eats and hands off some bento to Loona when she gets home as well. Stolas however, sleeps through it all.

[chaifootsteps]

https://www.reddit.com/r/HelluvaBoss/comments/1dxrsmw/message_from_viv_herself/

I feel like the subreddit keeps circling the wagons with 'be patient!' and like... that's not the issue? future episodes could address the main issues people have right now, but there are problems with apology tour & full moon that no future episode will be able to stick a bandaid on

framing Blitzo as the bad guy for yelling in FM

spending the whole next episode framing it like he should apologize for yelling

having Stolas bring up Western Energy and taking the opportunity to "explain" that Blitz assumed he wasn't easily hurt instead of the rebuttal anyone with a working brain would give there, which is 'I literally sent my employees to help and I told you my daughter needed a shot, you ungrateful self centred asshole'

the unnatural script where absolutely no one points out that the two were not dating so Stolas is not his 'ex' and also Blitzo was coerced into sex by him and Stolas is acting like he's the more wronged party after only just apologizing for that

ignoring how the deal was actually formed in Murder Family

Stolas taking this long to realize maybe he did do something wrong after all only to walk it back and be a total dick to Blitz the second time they talk, like usual

the continual gaslighting on Stolas' part

etc.

like yeah, it'd help if the next episode saw Stolas actually admit he's done wrong and actually say the words 'I'm sorry' and not frame it in some weaselly way like he's just oblivious or insensitive or something, if only because it's cathartic

but it wouldn't change the fact that sitting through Apology Tour is not just frustrating, it's insulting and disgusting to see Viv attempt to 'both sides' this when the wrongdoing of either side is nowhere near equal or comparable. it's bending the narrative to suit the character who is vastly more rich and powerful and I think there's enough of that kind of unpleasantness in real life without seeking it out in fiction.

Suppose the whole season was out and this hypothetical future fix it episode actually addressed most of these problems (unlikely, but let's say it does). Then it would just make Apology Tour feel like baffling bad writing to sit through as part of a full season, because it 100% frames it like we should be sad Stolas might move on from Blitz, that it's all Blitz's fault and that it's so tragic that he missed his chance with this totally not at all predatory and gaslighty bird

(also...did the Blitz KYS shirt and literal hanging man pin not make it clear Viv might just have been lying to minimize the backlash when she claimed both sides were in the wrong and would be treated as such in the show? at this point it's gonna be a miracle if Stolas gets any heat for his behavior in universe, let alone anything as harsh as apology tour)

They can circle all they want, they can double down until the end of time, but it's not going to make this show any more coherent or less horrifying. Only Viv can do that.

[ghostsandfools]

Time for science :]

WARNING: There's science under the cut. If you don't like to think about the expanses of the universe and wonder about astronomy and physics and the beginning of the universe and stuff like that, you probably shouldn't read it, it is long.

If you could assign star power and negative star power a real life counterpart, what would you say? There are a surprising amount of options I've realized.

I was watching a video about space and heard the word 'antimatter', which I had no clue existed in real life but it does! And it's FASCINATING! And it reminded me of negative star power, just from the name alone.

The issue though is that there's actually a lot of weird dark/negative space stuff that I did not know about. I actually feel kinda dumb for not knowing about this stuff, I wanna be a rocket scientist I should've already known this jesus-

So if negative star power were real, what would it be?

The first candidate is antimatter. Antimatter is just regular matter but with the opposite electric charge. So, remember learning in school about protons, neutrons, and electrons? Well, antimatter is just like those, but instead of negative electrons, there are positive electrons, also known as positrons, and that goes for protons and neutrons too. There are lots of anti-particles and anti-quarks. You'd think that matter and antimatter would be equal, but there is much much more matter in the universe than antimatter. If there were equal amounts of both, the universe itself wouldn't have been able to form, so we're lucky that matter came out on top. Scientists actually don't know what would've happened if antimatter was more prevalent, and it's pretty hard to study, but matter and antimatter are pretty similar so the universe might not even be that different at all. All that matters is that there's more of one than the other. This one's and interesting candidate because it's basically how dark star power is described. It's just the opposite of star power. Star power goes in, dark star power comes out.

The second candidate is dark matter. This one's interesting because it actually does exist in the TSAMS universe. Nexus makes Dark Sun a dark matter generator and Dark Sun used it to generate a witherstorm and a pocket dimension. So you'd think that clears it up, but not really. In real life, dark matter is a form of matter which scientists can't really observe because of how damn dark it is. It doesn't interact with light or the electromagnetic force at all, so you can't really see it or know it's there, but it does have a gravitational effect so we can assume that it exists. Dark matter and antimatter are NOT the same thing, as dark matter actually makes up most of the universe. It's literally just invisible stuff. It also slows down the expansion of the universe.

The third candidate is negative matter. Negative matter is a form of matter with a negative mass. If normal matter has a mass of 1 kg, negative matter would have a mass of -1 kg. For the time being, it's completely hypothetical, but it could exist. Although it sounds similar to antimatter, they are different, but negative matter could be another form of dark matter. I don't really know how to explain this one very well...

The fourth candidate is dark energy, not to be confused with dark matter. I know these names are confusing, scientists really need to start being more original. Dark energy is the energy that speeds up the expansion of the universe. That's basically all it does. The universe is really goddamn big and it keeps getting bigger and gravity should hold stuff in place but it isn't, and scientists needed a name for the force that's making the universe get bigger so why not name it some cryptic shit like dark energy. This one's kinda interesting because the whole think with dark star power is it makes the end of the universe come faster. When the universe expands, it also gets a little colder. When the big bang first occurred, the universe was so unbelievably hot that our human brains can't fathom it, but now it's cooled down enough to support life, and space is actually pretty cold. If the universe expands too much, which dark energy makes it do, it will get to cold, hence the heat death of the universe, so maybe this one's not too far off?

But that's dark star power. What is star power itself? This one I actually might have an explanation for. Star power first appeared in TSAMS when Moon made the neutron star, which are actually real! A neutron star is an incredibly dense type of star. Despite not being very big, according to google, on tablespoon of 'neutron star material' would weigh around a billion tons (very heavy). Neutron stars in real life sadly can't let you control the entire universe, but they are cool. A neutron star is the collapsed core of a supergiant star. When an extremely large star runs out of fuel and energy, it will collapse in on itself, forming either a black hole or a neutron star. Due to the intense density, most of the protons and electrons will come together to form neutrons, hence the title. Within neutron stars is strange matter, a form of matter that contains strange quarks. Despite the awful name, strange matter is its own type of matter, not jut any matter that's weird. Strange matter is hypothesized to be in the cores of neutron stars, and some scientists hypothesize that over time these neutron stars could become 'strange stars'. The extreme pressure of the neutron star allows quarks inside to become strange quarks, which then form strange matter.

I am not smart and I don't know what strange matter does, but the fact that it's related to neutron stars at all intrigues me and i feel like star power could in some way be tied to it, but let me know what you guys think. If you're smarter than me and i somehow accidentally got all of this wrong and am spreading misinformation, PLEASE PLEASE CORRECT ME. I still have a lot to learn.

[oddballwriter]

Late Night Talk

Summary: You and Marc have a hypothetical conversation about the idea of vampirism and what would entail if he were to decide that he wanted to join you in that un-life.

Warnings: Vampire stuff like mentions of drinking blood and other things. Some suggestive talk but it's mostly banter. Some talk of cnc if you squint at certain parts but this is not smut.

Author’s Snip: I wrote this last night while running off barely six hours of sleep and most of a Monster energy can at some time around midnight. If there are typos then I'm sorry. Enjoy the vampire YN though.

Notes: This one shot is not in the Dwelling in the Night canon, this exists on its own.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 876

Taglist: @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction (You too can join the taglist! Just ask!)

"What do you mean it's complicated?" Marc asked after you gave a weird answer to his hypothetical question.

"Vampirism is a very hard thing to get used to for both parties. You'd have to get used to the new lifestyle and also there's the whole thing with fledglinghood," you explain before Marc cuts you off. "Fledglinghood? That's an actual thing?" Marc scoffs. "Believe it or not, Marc Spector. Fledglings are a legit thing in the vampire world and it's something alright," you say. "It's a whole thing. I'd basically have to teach you to adapt and get used to everything as a new vampire." you explain.

Marc lets out an amused scoff again, "I think I could hunt for my own. I had to track down people back before Jake took the job as Moon Knight for me and Steven." he says.

"Oh, that would be another thing," you exclaim. "I don't know how the whole fledgling thing would work because as the one turning you I would basically own your soul and body. Kind of...?" you drawl out, "And that would lead me and the old bird to have a custody battle over you." you add. Marc looks to you confused and slightly shocked. "Listen I don't know how DID works in regards to vampirism and going off the whole story you told me about dying for the second time I can't tell if you, Steven, and Jake count as three parts of a whole soul or you have your own. Also, you guys have the same body so all three of you would have it," you mention, "And I know Steven would hate the eating part of vampirism." you comment.

"True," Marc agrees. "But can we go back to the soul and body owning part? What the hell is that all about? Do I get it back or do you just keep it?" Marc questions. "Yes and no at the same time." you answer, "So if I were to turn you I would technically own you because I have your soul and you would be my fledgling. And in the old vampire world that usually spelled out servitude and other stuff. But in modern times we don't do that, but the soul owning is still a thing." you explain. "What usually happens now is I would own your soul till you were prepared to handle vampirism and control your urges just so you don't cause havoc when you're in a feeding frenzy state. Once you're out of that period I would give you your soul back and you then have autonomy over yourself again," you conclude. "Basically it's like a kiddie leash for vampires. You don't run off and cause trouble." you simplify.

"Huh." Marc responds. "Is that like in the movies? Where it's like trances?" Marc asks. You take a moment to think about it. "If I wanted to, yeah. But I don't usually do that when I can. I can make you do anything and I can control how conscious you are of it." you say. You expect Marc to just nod but something seems to catch his interest. "When you can?" he exclaims, "What the hell does that mean?" he questions. You realize that you've let something slip.

You sigh.

"Okay, don't be mad or freak out. But sometimes when you guys can't sleep or refuse to, I make you fall asleep. That's all I do, I swear. And I don't do it a lot. I only do it when you guys have been up for too long for it to be healthy and when I'm able to." you explain quickly. "And how are you able to?" Marc questions, seemingly slightly concerned. "Only when I've drunk your guys' blood recently." you answer, "I could also do it through eye contact but that's harder to sneak by you and also it freaks me out," you mention. "Freaks you out?" Marc echos. "When I do it through eye contact I can see your mind leave your eyes and you completely untense your body and it just looks freaky to me." you say. "It's not just you. It's when I do it to anyone in general." you clarify.

"I guess you never noticed because you assume someone else took the body and went to sleep," you comment. "Though..." you mutter. Marc looks at you with a quirked eyebrow. You smile nervously, "I think Steven's caught on." you confess. "I have no proof but I swear when I tell him that it's getting late and he should sleep, he kind of...", you pause to think, "He drawls out staying up sometimes. Like he doesn't do anything. Like he's waiting for me to do it," you explain. "I don't know though. I'm not trying to point fingers and accuse him of anything," you remark.

You pretend to not see Marc look towards a reflective surface to his reflection for a second. You don't know what Steven might be saying but Marc looks like he doesn't buy it.

"Well, Steven can get up to whatever he wants. I won't shame him for anything he wants to do." Marc shrugs.

"Jake, though? Oh, 100% he'd be into that kind of stuff. Everything is foreplay to him." Marc half-jokes.

[sepublic]

I'd really love a scene in the first season of a hypothetical Metroid show where Samus, who has yet to begin her Zero Mission, explains to a survivor in an area overrun by Metroids just how screwed they are; Like in a speech similar to Kyle Reese explaining how f'ed up the Terminator is, she explains "You can't hide from it... You can't trick it with a disguise... It is always hungry, but nothing it eats will ever satisfy it. But it keeps eating anyway. And it will always see you, as long as you're alive."

Because the idea I'm going with here is that Metroids can see 'energy signatures', more specifically, the unique life force that every living being gives off... Is this the soul? Maybe. And this is perfect, because what were they made to do?

To destroy the X; Parasites who can perfectly mimic any living being. Metroids can keep track of all living things in an area, and tell them all apart; In particular, they can distinguish between X mimics and the real deal, and prioritize destroying the former. The Thoha of SR388 really knew what they were doing here.

...This DOES lead me into a few questions for myself, however;

Why does the Space Pirate Mothership not have any Metroids? I chose to exclude them because in the actual Zero Mission game, you only ever encounter Metroids in Tourian, and they don't respawn. In fact, I have to wonder if Mother Brain had only just begun breeding Metroids in Tourian when Samus arrived on Zebes, which is why they're not all over the place.

But that's not the lore I'm working with here for my personal Metroid fanon; The Metroids have already been used to attack the galaxy en masse. This shows how Metroids are a threat to the galaxy, it sets up everyone fearing and hating them, it also sets up the Space Pirates to take such a huge blow because not only did they lose Mother Brain, they also lost so many assets to the Metroids when they turned against them.

And given the Mothership is Ridley's personal one, I don't see why such a high-ranking vessel wouldn't have Metroids aboard. During the story, Metroids DO attack the Mothership, but sections of it that Samus doesn't come across; This is to explain why the Mothership explodes when the Metroids make the reactor go critical, because it seems just a tad silly for Mecha Ridley to have a self-destruct mechanism that can blow up the whole ship it's on.

This also gets me to another problem; Even if there weren't Metroids aboard, it would've been a non-issue for Weavel to call in a few from orbit. The idea is that the Metroids didn't immediately realize/sense Mother Brain's death, and even when they did, it took them a moment to realize; Wait, why am I not attacking this obvious prey all around me?

If Metroids can sense energy signatures, then this makes them one of the best trackers in the galaxy; They need to be in order to eradicate the X. So why would the Space Pirates not deploy Metroids to look for Samus, because even if she's weakened, she nevertheless took down three of their top leaders.

I guess you could have the Metroids rebel at the start of the Zero Suit segment, and that's why Weavel doesn't call in any; It doesn't explain why Metroids weren't already aboard the Mothership, but whatever. But I like the idea of the Metroids turning rogue happening near the end of the Zero Suit segment, just as Samus enters Chozodia; There's more of this lasting dread and uncertainty, because Samus is also wondering when the Metroids are going to turn against the Space Pirates, as this entire Zero Mission hinged on? And this finally happening is what gives Samus the opening she needs to enter Chozodia, where she navigates past a few guards stationed there, and finally finds the test.

Likewise, I mentioned a while back about using Gandrayda as a spy within the Space Pirates; She's the one who deduces that destroying Mother Brain will cause the Metroids to turn on the Space Pirates, evening the odds for the Federation. Similarly, she finds out that Tourian is sealed off, and the only way inside is through Ridley and Kraid's access keys; This was because of Mother Brain's justified paranoia, but she still allowed her personal subordinates a way in, in case they ever needed to rescue her.

But as I've established: Metroids can see energy signatures. They're made to see through mimics, Gandrayda should be no more different. Part of me is working with the explanation that I dunno... Maybe they CAN tell something is different about Gandrayda, but they're still animals so as far as they know, she's still a Space Pirate because she's regarded as such by the other Space Pirates. And no Metroid bothered to 'communicate' this to Mother Brain.

I'm not sure if this works; I guess it makes sense if Gandrayda just stayed aboard the Mothership the whole time, only going to Zebes for a brief moment... More on that in another post. But she never enters Tourian. And again, I feel both the Gandrayda and Finding Samus dilemma boil down to a simple question: Why weren't Metroids aboard one of the most important vessels in the Space Pirate fleet?

Honestly, I might just do away with the whole "Gandrayda setting up the Zero Mission with her intel" reveal because of this, and just have it be done by some Space Pirate who might be having second thoughts over Mother Brain ruling the galaxy with Metroids, because it makes them ask: What use would she have for us with her Ultimate Warriors at her disposal?

[corellianhounds]

My Brother’s Keeper

TBB Body Swap AU

Chapter 5: Utility

Words: 2.5k

Warnings: Mention of hunting and field dressing game meat.

Summary: The crew investigates their new surroundings and tries to figure out a plan.

Garnatoa was a tidally locked twin planet of a binary satellite system, the eccentric elliptical orbit of the two forcing them to revolve around each other in addition the central star. Its planetary twin, Hutama Nāte, was of equal size and mass, the barycenter of the two somewhere in the precise middle of space between them. Perfectly spaced apart, the two planets moved in mirrored synchrony with one another.

Clone Force 99 had landed on Garnatoa, the lush oceanic planet with several archipelagos ranging from tropical to arctic volcanic ecosystems. It had a warmly-tinged yellow sky and two moons, sparsely spread population groupings, and little of interest besides the tourism and deep-sea fishing trades.

The sky above them now, however, was a stark lavender, had an asteroid band instead of moons, and their chronos did not make sense according to the local time they’d set them to when they landed— It should have been just past dusk, but the sun was instead rising in the east, illuminating scrub brush and cracked desert clay as far as they could see, replacing the coral reefs and pink beaches they’d traversed on their arrival before getting to the temple buried in the thick banyan tree swamp.

“I think,” Tech began, “That we are no longer on Garnatoa.”

“What does that even mean, Tech?”

“It means I suspect the temple we woke up in is the other side of a wormhole, portal, or ancient teleportation system, something of that ilk,” he said. He smacked the side of his datapad, which had luckily survived the earthquake and cave-in but was currently glitching out. “If the concentric rings we awoke in were mirrored because the ones we entered teleported us to an entirely different planet, it’s possible our energy signatures remained in stasis during the transfer, but our atoms were disassembled and reassembled on the opposite side of the hypothetical axis— So we woke up with our consciousnesses in the bodies of the people across from or adjacent to us on accident.” Tech went to shift his goggles, only to realize he wasn’t wearing any. He frowned, but continued. “If it was indeed a sentient-made construction, I expect it was only ever intended to transport one person at a time. Unfortunately I can find no immediate sources that might verify those theories or offer any insight. Considering how significant an event like this is, one would assume it would be well-documented, so it’s possible we may be some of the first to experience it, or the first in centuries.”

“But why did it happen, Tech?” Echo pressed, frustrated. “How do we reverse it?”

Tech shrugged. “Who knows?”

“Bigger question,” Wrecker prompted. “If that was supposed to be the other side of a worm tunnel—”

“Wormhole.”

“— What happens when one side of the tunnel’s collapsed?”

That shut them up. Tech’s brow furrowed; he turned away and began furiously typing on the datapad once again.

Crosshair sat mutely on the ground with his back against a rock. Hunter came over to lean against it, taking a long drink from his canteen and capping it when Crosshair waved off his offer to share. He could only imagine the frustration Crosshair must have felt at being suddenly stripped of a good majority of his skills and assets. Hunter may not have his advanced senses anymore, but he could still carry their gear and wield a gun and keep pace with the group. He was reminded for not the first time of how fragile Omega really was.

Hunter nudged him. “You okay?”

Crosshair slowly tilted his head up and to the side to fix Hunter with an incredulous look. “Am I okay?” He threw his hand up at Tech and Echo’s discussion. “You heard Tech. What about this is okay?”

Hunter grimaced. “Just checking on you.”

“No, you’re checking on Omega,” Crosshair corrected.

“I'm trying to keep tabs on everybody,” Hunter sighed, trying not to let his own frustration bleed through. His armor felt stiff and constrictive. He still had a headache.

“Listen, if we can’t figure out how the swap happened here, we can regroup at the ship and head for an information center—”

“Hunter,” Crosshair cut him off. “You heard Tech. The Marauder is on another planet.”

—

Omega was still reeling from the close call they’d had upon escaping, to say nothing of the fact she’d woken up in a different body. The adrenaline left her shaky, and though she’d been able to keep up with the group and avoid most of the danger on the way out, she’d been so severely winded by the end of it she’d have thought Crosshair to be asthmatic if she didn’t know any better.

It kind of hurt to see Hunter-as-Wrecker talking to Crosshair-as-her past the edge of their group, despite the fact they seemed to be arguing. She knew she didn’t have any right to feel that way and Hunter wasn’t showing any of them any particular favoritism, but he also hadn��t looked at her the same way he normally did. She’d almost felt like a stranger to him, and the rest of her brothers had barely spared her a second’s discussion either. She was used to being an outsider in many ways, but this was different.

Omega stretched and tried to work out the crick in her neck. Inhabiting Crosshair’s self was by far the most bizarre thing she’d ever experienced; she was almost a foot and a half taller and built much differently, with stiff joints, no hair, and calloused hands. His rifle was heavy, but somehow it felt right to be there on her back.

The sun was starting to edge past the sparse clouds and it made her squint. She glanced over at Crosshair, but he seemed unfazed despite the light hitting him and Hunter as equally as it did her. The longer she tried to survey the group, the harder it became to keep from shielding her eyes.

Turning over Crosshair’s helmet in her hands, Omega ducked her head and slipped it on: the tinted visor offered immediate relief and she relaxed, but the movement triggered something in the HUD that lit up on the upper right side of her vision. Curiously, she squinted again and the display split to either side, clearing her view. Her eyes flicked to the left side, but something she did set off two— three commands, and then there were too many readouts stacking up each time she made some subconscious expression, her nose scrunching in irritability until she finally just took it off.

“Stop messing with my gear,” Crosshair hollered at her, peering around Hunter.

“You need prescription lenses, too,” Omega shot back. “Or sunshaders, or something.”

Crosshair’s indignant scoff could be heard over the rest of the chatter and he marched over to grab his helmet from her and fiddle with the controls, locking it down.

“Stop screwing around and leave my things alone,” he muttered acerbically. He tucked the helmet under his arm and paced away. “Go make yourself useful.”

Hunter barked Crosshair’s name, but Crosshair’s scowl and biting demand stung nonetheless. Omega hunched over her knees, one heel impatiently bouncing against the ground as Hunter argued with him at a distance.

—

With the revelation of their lack of transport, Hunter quickly mapped out a game plan for finding immediate provisions first, followed by finding some sense of civilization and means offworld. Tech sorted through some spare parts and began working on a quick drone to give them an eye in the sky and an idea of any potential settlements nearby. He had assured them that the holocom towers they’d seen in the distance had to be maintained regularly in an arid environment such as that one, but it was anybody’s guess how far any town was from the next marker on the grid; Wrecker reluctantly set out with one of the grappling hooks and Tech’s scanner to get up to the service platform of the closest tower and gather more intel at Tech’s behest. Omega, the only one able and available to sift through Tech’s more delicate equipment and offer tools as needed, helped him; Echo and Hunter were too busy scouting for a water source and potential landmarks that might lead them to a main road or evidence of town. All four of the brothers declined her offer to be of more help, and Crosshair was restlessly pacing along the edge of the boulders now blocking the entrance to the temple caves.

Omega had tried to offer him lunch around midday and Tech tried to involve him in their strategizing, but Crosshair waved the two of them off before finally picking up Omega’s energy bow and muttering something about target practice. Omega’s irritation with his attitude was starting to distract her, and as much as she wanted to eat she just didn’t feel hungry herself. She’d hollered for him to keep his comlink on, and Tech kept her occupied for a better part of the hour as they finished jury-rigging the drone and setting a flight pattern.

Crosshair ground his teeth together, trekking through the wilderness. The energy bow hummed in his hand and he eventually found an ideal vantage point: a tree growing out of some boulders with enough branches to provide cover as well as somewhere steady to sit and watch.

Each attempt to climb the boulder ended in frustration though; try as he might he couldn’t jump high enough to get a decent handhold and the rock was too smooth to gain any traction.

With steadily mounting anger he affixed the bow to his back, swiped the hair out of his eyes, and dug around in Omega’s satchel until he found her work gloves. He pulled them on and dug his hands into the crevices between the boulders, wedging his shoes into footholds and stubbornly forcing himself to muscle through the pain and exertion until he arrived at the top.

Panting but finally finding a perch, Crosshair settled in and unslung the energy bow, waiting.

They’d been in dire straits before with little to nothing at their disposal as far as solutions were concerned, but they’d always managed to improvise and adapt. This, however, this might be the one thing he wouldn’t be able to get over and hit the ground running with: how do you go from being one of the Republic’s greatest technological advancements in bioengineering and organic weaponry—

Back to being a child? One with no exceptional survival skills or preternatural abilities? A big reason why Omega had survived this long was because the squad protected and helped her. As far as he was aware, Omega was considered a defective clone solely because she was female. The fact she didn’t follow orders and frequently found ways to pull the lot of them into even more trouble was just a bonus.

No rifle. No armor. Not his own voice, his own hands, his strength, his ability to keep up. His equipment. His dignity. Not even his own boots.

With a scowl, Crosshair fired off a shot at four-hundred yards, satisfied when the buzzard he was aiming for fell from the tree and plopped to the ground in a bit of smoke.

Though he’d been desperate for an hour of silence back in the cave, Crosshair was now finding it hard to clear his head of anything but their current circumstances. He wiped the sweat off his brow and continued to scan for wildlife, irritated every time he had to again move Omega’s hair out of his eyes. His grip on the bow felt too thin, the weight of it heavier than it should be, and though he could force his hands to keep it steady, he felt he had to devote more focus to that than he should have. Every movement served to remind him of exactly how much he was not himself.

Another bolt of light sailed off into the distance, hitting something that looked like a midsize, short-eared rabbit. Crosshair made a note of where it fell and scanned for more.

—

Wrecker and Hunter were the first to return by the time Tech’s drone had located what was thankfully a large industrial center on the far side of a canyon gulch. Wrecker’s intel verified that it was both advanced enough to have a few starports and that they’d probably be able to barter passage aboard one of the shuttles, and Echo had managed to scout out a decent location that could serve as camp for the night in the direction of the canyon. Hunter surveyed the men, frowning.

“Where’s Crosshair?”

“He left around midday,” Tech said, still fiddling with his datapad. “He mentioned something about “target practice.”

“You let him go by himself?” Hunter asked incredulously. “You can’t be serious— Tech it’s been three hours since then, we have no idea what’s out here!”

“He took the lightbow,” Omega said uneasily. “He should be okay, right?”

“You two were willing to gamble your safety on that alone?” he asked her. “Omega, you’re— He has no guarantee something won’t get the drop on him, or that he won’t get hurt just navigating the environment. We barely escaped a cave-in caused by an earthquake.”

“A minor earthquake,” Tech reasoned, setting aside his equipment to stand and face Hunter. “If I thought him incapable I wouldn’t have let him go, though I seriously doubt I could have stopped him anyway. Omega’s gear is in good condition, he has a field kit, he was adept with a vibroblade even when he was her age—”

“You gave him a vibroblade?”

“Well. Yes.”

“To be fair, Hunter,” Echo interjected, “Crosshair would’ve gotten his hands on one at some point.”

“Omega doesn’t have the same armor we do,” Hunter seethed. “And in case it’s escaped your notice, she isn’t as tall as we are, either— It isn’t an insult to him or Omega to say he can’t run or fight the same way he used to, and if something were to happen—”

“Problem?”

The five of them turned. The kid came into view from the direction of the rock formations, and as she— he approached, they all straightened in shock.

Crosshair’s sleeves were rolled up, one hand carrying the lightbow down by his side and the other carrying a thin branch over his shoulder with half a dozen rock conies hanging from it, shot, split, and drained. The green wood bowed under the weight of the catch, and both of Crosshair’s bare hands were covered in the crimson evidence of his handiwork up to his mid-forearms. Though his expression was serious and unwavering, it didn’t appear as though he’d heard their discussion; Hunter imagined he would’ve just thrown the knife at his boot to make a point if that were the case.

Wrecker leaned over to Hunter, nodding at Crosshair’s haul and whispering loudly, “Isn’t that your job?”

Crosshair turned to Echo. “You find any water?”

“Yeah,” Echo replied. He couldn’t stop staring, though he supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised. “We’re planning to pack up and head that way. Five kilometers due east with even terrain. Should be able to get there in an hour and set up camp.”

“Good,” he muttered. “Let’s go.”

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[hms-no-fun]

Currently struggling a lot with getting very excited about a project, writing a lot, editing that writing until it's way more polished than what I can come up with off the cuff, and then being too intimidated to add to the document anymore since the previous good writing still gives off this looming intimidation if that makes sense? The more I write the greater the fear is I'll crash the story into a ditch that reveals the premise can't work. have you had that "its not all coming together shit theres a snag thats really important that i missed" moment? I realize it's pretty inevitable for that to happen, but whenever I write myself out of a moment like that I always second guess that I'm still overlooking something important or taking the easy way out. I know it's probably just all about pushing through but I worry that by pushing im just further diluting the original spirit of the project? Sorry for the all over the place ask, hope you have a good day :3

this is always a tough situation to navigate as a writer. happens to me often, and it has taken me a very long time to come even remotely close to being able to deal with it productively. believe it or not, i actually have quite a lot to say about this, so prepare for that below the break.

first of all, no, it's absolutely NOT all about pushing through. i find "pushing through" can just as often make the problem worse. keep in mind that i can only speak to my own experience and process, so any advice i might give here should only be taken insofar as you personally find it useful.

this is a form of writer's block. there are many different types of blocks, each with their own causes and hypothetical treatments. a big part of becoming A Writer as such is learning the difference between them, and developing methods for dealing with them on a case by case basis that don't involve substance abuse. don't do cocaine. that's step one.

most of my blocks are in the vein you describe. i'll be writing a scene that feels good, until i cross a threshold somewhere and suddenly the whole thing feels dead in the water. the first thing i do when this happens is stop writing. it's hard to stop when you're on a roll, i know. life is short and it's hard enough to write even on a good day, but sometimes you can just tell that you're on the wrong track and at that point you're probably not gonna be able to write your way back on.

once stopped, i check the basics. have i eaten recently? am i hydrated? have i taken my medications? these are rarely my problem (i keep a big water bottle with me at all times and my gf makes sure i'm fed), though you never know how useful a snack break can be. most of the time if the problem isn't with the text, it's that i've been writing for too fucking long and i need to clock out. learning to clock out is SO hard. but as i've been getting into the habit these last couple months, while i generally write less per day i ultimately end up writing more over time. i can feel my brain cooking when i've been writing too long. it's a muscle like anything else. if you did a bunch of overtime shifts at a more physical job, you'd need time to recover too. your body isn't a machine, your brain isn't a computer, and living things are inconsistent. it sucks but you'll have a better time all around when you learn to work with your body instead of against it.

another question is, have i showered recently? i find showers tedious and boring. also i still have depression even though my life is a lot better than it used to be. i lived on my own for a very long time as a deeply closeted self-hating trans woman, so my hygiene habits are not always up to sniff. as much as i hate to admit it, showers help. i can't tell you how many times i've sat at a godfeels chapter or video script and just felt fucking miserable, only to come back forty minutes later from a shower, full of creative energy. i despise self-help shit. just not a fan of the culture of positive attitude wellness check stuff because you can't self examine your way out of your class position. sometimes the problem is that you're broke. sometimes life fucking sucks and you just don't have the art in you, and that's okay. there's a common misconception that if something bad happens to you, at least you can make an art to get through it. but in my experience it's actually a lot harder to make art about bad times when you're still in them. most of the time it takes months if not years of safety and recovery before you can really face it head on artistically. so like, be nice to yourself. it's not your fault that you live in a society.

but also sometimes literally you just need a shower or to eat some leftovers or to go to fucking bed. i hate it every time that is true because i want my problems to be real and philosophical and not just some dumb body thing that happens to everyone. alas, no one can escape the quotidian obligations of simple mortality.

THAT SAID! this stuff isn't usually my problem, and often i find that what's solving the problem when i do step away to eat/drink/shower isn't even the specific activity, but the act of stepping away at all. getting my mind off it for a sec. when i hit a block that doesn't feel completely insurmountable, i like to back away from my computer and pace around a bit. then i'll stare at my big whiteboard with a marker in hand and just let my mind wander. i don't even write anything half the time! but the mere act of trying to compartmentalize the problem into something brief enough for shorthand helps me spot the pain points.

one of my favorite books is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which despite what you might assume from its title is NOT a self-help book but instead a work of philosophy from 1974 taking the form of a travelogue. what Robert Pirsig explores in this book is what he calls the Metaphysics of Quality. basically he's trying to understand the split-second judgments we make of things we like and things we don't. i absolutely do not have time to go into the specifics, just know that his Quality refers to the abstract certainty you have when something is Good or Right or Correct or Qualitatively True. like how you pull your hand away unconsciously when you touch a hot stove, but for ideas. you just Know.

a scene that really sticks with me from that book (probably the most famous scene) is when Pirsig describes needing to fix a mechanical problem with his motorcycle only to be stopped dead in his tracks by a stripped screw keeping him from removing the engine cover. he talks about being so focused on the obvious solution to the primary complex problem that, on encountering a smaller, simpler problem that has to be dealt with first, he finds himself completely stuck, calling this "a zero of consciousness." it's a problem so annoying and minuscule and stubbornly unsolvable that you just want to hit the thing with a wrench and throw it in a river. addressing this new problem, this block, requires an adjustment in thinking. and here i'm going to quote a pretty lengthy passage, but don't worry, i'm typing it out by hand with the book in front of me so there's no time saved on my end:

Consider, for a change, that this is a moment to be not feared but cultivated. If your mind is truly, profoundly stuck, then you may be much better off than when it was loaded with ideas. The solution to the problem often at first seems unimportant or undesirable, but the state of stuckness allows it, in time, to assume its true importance. It seemed small because your previous rigid evaluation which led to the stuckness made it small. But now consider the fact that no matter how hard you try to hang on to it, this stuckness is bound to disappear. Your mind will naturally and freely move toward a solution. Unless you are a real master at staying stuck you can't prevent this. The fear of stuckness is needless because the longer you stay stuck the more you see the Quality-reality that gets you unstuck every time. What's really been getting you stuck is the running from the stuckness [. . .] Stuckness shouldn't be avoided. It's the psychic predecessor of all real understanding. An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors. It's this understanding of Quality as revealed by stuckness which so often makes self-taught mechanics so superior to institute-trained men who have learned how to handle everything except a new situation. Normally screws are so cheap and small and simple you think of them as unimportant. But now, as your Quality awareness becomes stronger, you realize that this one, individual, particular screw is neither cheap nor small nor unimportant. Right now this screw is worth exactly the selling price of the whole motorcycle, because the motorcycle is actually valueless until you get the screw out. With this re-evaluation of the screw comes a willingness to expand your knowledge of it. [. . .] What your actual solution is is unimportant as long as it has Quality. Thoughts about the screw as combined rigidness and adhesiveness and about its special helical interlock might lead naturally to solutions of impaction and use of solvents. That is one kind of Quality track. Another track may be to go to the library and look through a catalog of mechanic's tools, in which you might come across a screw extractor that would do the job. Or to call a friend who knows something about mechanical work. Or just to drill the screw out, or just burn it out with a torch. Or you might just, as a result of your meditative attention to the screw, come up with some new way of extracting it that has never been thought of before that beats all the rest and is patentable and makes you a millionaire five years from now. There's no predicting what's on that Quality track. The solutions all are simple-- after you have arrived at them. But they're simple only when you know already what they are.

this is, in brief, my entire creative philosophy when it comes to writer's block. i share such a lengthy passage because i think it's useful to underline that we're not talking about a problem that is necessarily unique to the labor of writing. this process is a human process. it's just that with writing, the nature of the block itself is often much more difficult to identify than a stripped screw.

there's a couple things i do to try to identify what's got me stuck. a lot of times what happens is that everything in a scene felt good until it didn't, and then everything after that moment fell flat. so i'll go back and read the whole thing and just try to feel the scene. is everyone in character? is their dialogue too quippy, or too aggressive, too expository? are we in the midst of a conversation that has simply gone on way too fucking long? i know it can be torturous to reread your own stuff but idk what else to say except get used to it. especially when you're still early in the drafting phase! like if you know you're not gonna release this thing imminently, there's no reason to be precious about the stuff that's good or to beat yourself up over the stuff that's bad. i know that compulsion to try to Get Everything Right The First Time is strong, but it's completely unsustainable.

sometimes the block is that i just don't feel like writing narration. i've always sucked at grounding a scene with descriptions of the place. lately i'm trying to get away from relying solely on descriptions of staging/blocking, but it's hard for a bitch like me who mostly prefers writing dialogue. i've gotten a lot more comfortable with putting notes between dialogue exchanges like [character moves, looks at picture, has a dramatic thought, other character fiddles with object]. it can feel like cheating sometimes but it's not. there's no such thing. no one will know the route you took to get to the end. they will only see what you show them, when you decide to show it to them.

sometimes the block is in some minor or major betrayal of the story's spirit. the (Terezi) & Jade scene i talked about in this ask is a good example. i hit a point where nothing was working anymore. no one would talk to me. the light was gone. i can always tell when i made the wrong choice. it's such a particular sensation. as though i'm walking and i realize i no longer recognize the road i'm on and must've made a wrong turn somewhere. the solution to this particular block is introspection, retracing my steps, because the wrong turn isn't always obvious. maybe it's that someone in the scene is being too mean, or that i've failed to accomplish what the scene exists to do in some way, or that someone's made an uncharacteristic choice that now everyone in the scene is arguing about and it's like, man, this is taking too long, i'm not enjoying this anymore.

another example from A1 is the second half of the solo. i'd had most of the jasprose scene, the karkat-calliope-roxy scenes, and the vrisrezi-jade scenes written since i posted the A1 chorus. where i ran into trouble was that i needed to get jane, jake, and (terezi) to show up. my original plan was to have them arrive one by one, thus allowing their individual dramas a moment in the spotlight before being subsumed into the group. not a bad idea in theory but in practice it was fucking tedious. here we have a bunch of characters already immersed in the scene captured by the intrigue of Jade being enigmatic, and then some unawares jagoff wanders in and suddenly everyone has to stop what they're doing and be like "hey hello how are you what's up" and then they explain how they got there and then they ask what's up and it's such a DRAG. honestly i would say the majority of my creative blocks by volume are moments when the story really wants me to just cut to black for a smoke break and come back when somebody gets mad enough to throw a punch. i mean that's the the development of A1 in a nutshell. originally everyone was gonna start the track locked up in space-jail on the hopebringer, jade would show up all apologetic and say what she expects padua's deliberation to be, then the whole cast would see her throw a fit over a decision she knew was coming, they'd all be absolved of guilt and let free, then they'd all argue about who's staying or going with Jade in the morning, they'd split up to go pack their stuff and then...

well that was exactly the problem. i wanted to get all the pertinent things out of the way. jade's code switching, voidthought, some EWL teases. give the whole cast a chance to react to it. i thought that would be expedient, because it got the Plot out of the way and gave time to characters for Feelings. if that version of the scene had come at the end of chapter 8, it might have worked. but i realized that as soon as jade's audience was no longer captive, i had no fucking clue what to do with them anymore. we already knew who would go with jade, so acting like that's some kind of mystery is just lame. i started writing A1 from a place of desiring informational density & a quick pace, because we've got places to go and things to do. but if the real purpose of A1 is to explore why these characters choose to go with Jade, then that needed to be done with a lot more care and precision. that's when i decided to let Jade spend two days underground making the earth right again, so that she has to come to everyone individually rather than the other way around. and it muddies her motivations, if you don't mind the pun. it puts her at an appropriate remove from the others. i ultimately wound up conveying all the same information as in the original version, but i did it in a way that was more appropriate thematically and artistically. it wound up being longer road than i anticipated, but this is a long story and in this case the longer road was better for the journey.

take the chapter where Jade visits Roxy. i needed some time with Roxy alone to set the scene, since she's the first person Jade decides to visit and i like writing about the insides of trailer homes. i wanted to get some politics from Jane in this chapter, so hey, why not throw in a televised speech? oh, and then i can have some tucker carlson types remind us that Earth C is a fucking mess. i wrote all that, and it was good, but it was just Roxy watching tv. i tried to get into Jade's arrival and couldn't. so i went back and realized, oh, Roxy should be yelling at the tv the whole time! now we get Jane's politics, Roxy's reactions to those politics, as well as bits and pieces of context re: Jane's relationships with Karkat and Roxy. now when Jade arrives, we can play with the question of whether she heard the speech from outside Roxy's door, and why neither of them was physically at the speech in the first place. there's tension and imbalance in Roxy's state of mind when Jade does arrive, so we're more inside her perspective than we usually are, which in turn helps us identify with her when Jade starts infodumping about antimemes.

so often for me, working through a block is a matter of doing a better job utilizing what's available to you. going back to the A1 solo and trying to bring Jake, Jane, and (Terezi) into the scene. i finally returned to it after a couple months of being sick and dealing with life problems. i was frustrated because i'd hoped to be several tracks in to 3.2 by now, and instead i was confronted with just how much more of this thing is left and how long that might take if i couldn't pick up the pace. this thing NEEDED to get done.

and then i remembered that Jasprose is literally right there.

and that was it! problem fucking solved! i had jasprose drop all three of them into the scene completely unceremoniously using manic teleportation through a fenestrated plane, and from there the entire rest of the chapter erupted out of me in a single go. it's such an obvious solution to the problem that you as reader probably assumed it was the plan from the very beginning. but it's like Pirsig says: the solutions all are obvious-- after you've arrived at them.

then there's the problem of overwriting. i actually did i think four different versions of the opening to the A1 solo. the first person narration was a late addition. i tweaked that scene so so so many times. it kept feeling close but not quite. when i did the thing where i reread to find where the block happened, instead of actually reading the thing i just kept finding spots where i could write more. i can extend this anecdote. this line could be better. maybe a comma here would work better than an ellipsis...

this can be good because sometimes what's blocking you is that you skipped over something that needed more time. maybe some information or a dramatic emphasis that gives the stuff you can't yet write the momentum it needs to get going again. but i've gotta be real careful doing this, because i can do it forever. and then, as you describe (hey look, i'm actually talking about your specific problem now!), that hyper-polished section sets everything else up to fail by comparison.

i think the trick is knowing the difference between when a scene needs an editing pass vs when a scene just straight up isn't working. when it's not working, sometimes you do just have to throw it all out and start over. but if it's good enough that you feel like all it's missing is better dialogue and some more description, then you can hold off on that polish until the rest of the thing is done. this conundrum is most common at the beginning of a chapter or story in my experience, precisely as a result of the process i've been describing this whole time. when you hit a block and retrace your steps, you can always find things to fix. so it's sort of natural that any given chapter becomes less polished the further along you get in to it. that's why it's so important to understand the differences between all these different types of blocks, and to remind yourself that literally nothing you've written is finished until the moment you've made it public.

a big part of getting the A1 solo out the door was me swallowing my desire for perfection in every exchange and saying, no, this is good enough. it's not 100% what i want, but it's close enough that it just isn't worth the effort it would take to get there. sometimes there are scenes that are worth that effort, but they are always rarer than you think and they're never the ones you'd expect. i will freely admit that there are a lot of characters expositing their motivations in this chapter. i tried to embed as much of that in humor or drama as i could, but sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders and walk away and hope your readers will be nice to you.

of course the funny thing is, once i finished the chapter and had all the panels sketched out and wiped my hands clean of the whole affair, janet needed two weeks to make the images. so i ended up having time to polish up a couple of those things that i felt were lacking after all. but those additions were radically small and intuitive, because i'd divorced myself from the raw production and had committed to so many directions that i *couldn't* change much. i'm so used to writing for release that i don't know what to do with myself when my part of the job is done before i can kick it out the door. i've come to find that waiting, taking breaks, walking away and coming back, do wonders for your ability to egolessly examine your work and identify what's wrong. sometimes you just need a day or two to sleep on it.

and sometimes you realize that you've really just over-written a scene, out of preciousness or insecurity or whatever else, and the result is so much bigger than everything else you want to do that it's more expedient to just scrap it. i hate when this happens, man. i did this with an early version of the A1 chorus, when Jade is stuck in space alone and shouting about how unfair her life has been. you know sometimes there's an emotion in a scene that's addictive. some bit of pathos that you just feel down to your bones, fuck me man, this is so GOOD, this is so JUICY, this shit has QUALITY. it's so good you don't want it to be finished. so you keep writing it, and writing it, and you rewrite it, and you add to it, because you really want to squeeze every drop of emotion you can from the thing. and then you wind up with a bloated melodramatic mess that's so overplayed you've annihilated everything that compelled you to write it in the first place.

i want to be clear that this isn't wasted work. nothing you ever put to the page, no matter how ultimately useless it might prove to be, is wasted work. the way i see this whole process, top to bottom, is that there's this thing. i don't know what it is, but it's there. maybe it starts with an image, or a line of dialogue, or a relationship, or a natural vista, whatever. it can be anything. what matters is it's a sign pointing you in a direction. it's something that has Quality that you can feel with such potent immediacy that you have no choice but to write it. the act of writing is something of an expedition, because the real magic of it comes when those disparate signs start colliding with one another. an image becomes a scene, a house, a world, a universe. sometimes these signs lead to dead ends, but with experience you learn to tell the dead ends from the rough patches. you learn how to make your own way. you do this by listening to what this thing is telling you. every story i've ever written has known better than me what it wants. i can impose so much onto it, i control 90% of the process at least. but that other 10% cannot, should not be quantified or controlled but simply understood. if you try to bottle the flame, you'll just end up snuffing it out.

no artist really knows why they do what they do or how they're able to pull it off. they can tell you their methods, their process, their coping mechanisms, they can write ludicrously lengthy diatribes on tumblr in response to an innocuous ask, but you can't pin down the soul of the thing. Quality is ephemeral, because it's first. it happens before you've had time to think, like putting your hand on a hot stove. you just know. and you have to trust that knowledge to carry you forward, not second guess it too much, not try to wrangle the thing into a shape it doesn't want to assume. sometimes this requires writing scenes that you don't love, because it's easier to build a messy bridge between the moments that drive you than it is to perfect every single moment out of an artificial commitment to like, Being A Good Writer or whatever.

a lot of this is just practice. you get better at communicating with your creative impulses. but also i think it helps to internalize that nobody sees the rough drafts, nobody sees the duct tape. and nobody knows the perfect vision you'll be convinced you failed to meet. nobody has ever made a perfect thing, and no one ever will. who wants to be perfect, anyway? godfeels wouldn't be what it is if i wasn't willing to let it be messy. if i'd tried to do it better, it never would have gotten done, and nothing i'm doing now would have even conceptually gotten to exist.

also, it's okay to abandon shit when it stops feeling good. i have so many unfinished books kicking around from my 20s, dude. i feel bad about some of them, but ten years not finishing books is still ten years spent writing. it's actually quite rare for good ideas to result in finished works, because good ideas are cheap and they're not all for you. but you gotta keep trying anyway because sooner or later you'll catch a spark that has real gas, and if you've done the work you'll be ready for it. it'll feel like destiny. it'll feel like magic, how matched that idea is to your skill level. but it won't be magic, it'll be skill. if you hadn't put the work in to know how to follow that intuition, it'd be just as dead an end as everything else you never finished. you do the work so that when you get lucky you can take advantage of it. so in that context, writing is quite low stakes. if it's not good enough, fuck it, try something else!

anyway i hope there's some decent insight buried in here somewhere. thanks for such a good question!

[onlyplatonicirl]

Hello HeadcANON here, late, but here nontheless to congratulate you ON TCOTI's fifth anniversary. To say this fic changed me would be an understatement.

It became something so much more than just a piece of fanfic.

It became a source of inspiration, of comfort, of joy. It became a reason for me to keep going, through anything really. Anything difficult I was dealing with, I knew I could do it because despite everything you've been through, whether minor or major, you persevered.

That and, if I hung up this hypothetical phone too early, I'd never get to hear the end of it, and I really, really wanna.

This fic meant and still means so much to me. You published it when we we're 13, now we're 18, and all throughout that time, my interest (if not obsession) with your fic and characters never dwindled. It only grew. It made me want to pick up writing again, and I did, and I still do. And, I hope you continue to do so, as well.

Genuinely, I'm glad to know how much this fic has changed your life, but I need you to know that on the flipside, it's changed mine and so many other people's lives as well. Whether by inspiring them to write their own stories or to begin drawing, or just giving them that same feeling of comfort and joy.

Thanks for everything, Lorel - HeadcANON

Under normal circumstances when I recieve a complimentary message I keysmash and spam a million heart emojis because I'm not the best at taking compliments, but I would be an absolute fool to not respond to this ask with the same sincere and heartfelt energy that you put into it.

I legitmately began to cry as I was reading this ask. It absolutely baffles me that I have literally impacted people's lives over something so silly and self indulgent.

I want you to know that I see and fully internalize every single person who has ever sent me a message like yours. To know that I am inspiring people to draw, to write, to create, to overcome challenges not based on my writing but from what I've been through myself, it's all I can really hope for in life. By all accounts, if my fic really did do everything you said it did for you, than I have quite literally succeeded in life. Even if it's only a handful of people, knowing I have helped them through dark times in their life, even inadvertently, means more to me than I could ever express in words. I am so incredibly happy.

Genuinely from the bottom of my heart, I am so grateful that I could help you all like this. And I know you know you've all helped me too. I hope even when my silly fanfic has finished writing, that we can all continue to support each other and go out into the world and raise more people up. I sound so insanely sappy and dumb right now, but about a couple of weeks ago one of my friends I met thru TCOTI flew out to come see me, and us plus a mutual friend hung out together in my appartment and talked and laughed and all watched movies together and I realized my life, and their lives as well, have been changed by this. Which is simply insane to me.

I hope that as I continue writing this story you all enjoy what I have to offer. I plan on updating by at least the 9th of January, but we'll see haha.

Have an amazing day headcANON and I hope you know how much love you have filled my heart with today. I don't think I will ever forget this message <3

[thehumanexperience8b]

March 29th, 2024: Twin Flames, "The One," and Marriage

One of Epicurus’s opinions on the biggest mistakes a person can make is the need for romance. Our society puts so much importance on “soulmates” or finding “the one.”  What if you never do… Do you want to spend your whole life looking? Is there something wrong with me if I haven’t found the right one? How do I feel okay being all on my own? These are all questions I had once asked myself, too. But tonight, I’m here to write to you that all of those good loving feelings can be felt without having a partner by your side. That you can be fulfilled without having that perfect boyfriend or girlfriend. It might seem like a grim concept at first, don’t you have to have tried it all before realizing you don’t need anyone? Well the answer is no! One of the things people fear is that they will “die alone.” Sometimes we wonder hypotheticals like this, when in reality, there is no question: everyone dies alone. Even if you have been married for 60 years, on your deathbed, your wife or husband will not be dying with you. Although they may be there watching you with your friends and family, you will have died alone. But this is okay. The thought of this being sad and scary is just a result of society's conditioning. One day in my philosophy class, my teacher asked, “When you start a relationship do you think about how it will eventually end in a breakup, or a marriage?” For me, I do not want to be married, so it will end in a break up everytime, but I was surprised at how many said they did not think about that. Whenever I start a new relationship I realize I will break up with them in the end; but that doesn’t scare me, I have free will. I have many thoughts on today’s modern dating landscape. I think our idea of “love” is skewed, and I don’t truly understand who this benefits. 

Along with this topic, I’ve noticed online there’s been a talk of “twin flames” in the spiritual sides of TikTok and other platforms. I do not agree with this, and I honestly don’t believe they exist. I’ve seen a video where a person states that if you find your twin flame, it doesn’t matter if you’re married or have children, leave them to be with your twin flame! That is absolutely ridiculous. Don’t do that, you are most likely just blinded by the idea of a “perfect match,” and this might hurt you in the long run. Just a quick side note about the increasing talk about “twin flames.”

 When you listen to the radio or the top hits, most of those songs will be about love. These songs usually follow the theme of “I need you to stay!” or what will I do without you kind of talk. Some of these people are 20, 30 years old singing like this. But you do not have to give any of your partners the power to break you. No one is a part of you, it’s just you. Your experiences shape you, and your partners all play a role in this, but they are just a flicker of light in your life, they are not meant to stay; for people change. You do too. You will feel so much more whole in life realizing all you need is yourself, your partner isn’t your “other half” but rather a nice addition to your life. Never feel obligated to keep someone around in your life if they’re: draining your energy, making you uncomfortable, making you cry, stealing from you, guilting you, or being disrespectful. Remember that it’s always better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone! The universe will open up new possibilities when you make good choices for yourself. And I 100% support divorces! Don’t live your life in misery because you vowed to be with someone through thick and thin, if they're sinking in the mud; don’t let them drag you down with them! And parents, sometimes it’s better to raise kids in two healthy households, than in one dysfunctional household. I’ve spoken to kids of divorced parents and they’ve said it’s better now that it’s over. Taking care of yourself will show your kids how to take care of themselves, too. I can speak from experience… children are affected a lot more from unhealthy marriages than you think. You have to love yourself first, before you can truly accept love from another person. Take care of yourself!

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. Then I spent so many nights thinkin’ how you did me wrong, I proved strong… and I learned how to get along.” -I Will Survive. Gloria Gaynor

[omanu]

update

hey it's me! im pretending you (this is a specific you, if youre not this You, you will know, but if you are this You, you will know) are trying to know about me without engaging in a conversation, though i doubt im crossing your mind these days... i feel really lonely right now and i dont know if you know that you were the only one interested in me and now that you arent anymore i realized I can't have this with anybody else even if i want to find someone to be special to me but we cant choose these things...

so, update... yeah i have been doing fine in college, i think i got sick by stress twice because of if, i got a cold and an infected ear twice in less than three months... im sure it was somatic.

uhm ive reconnected with an old friend. it's been nice but still confusing to me, i am trying to let myself be hypothetically loved i almost went for it, but i just cant right now, or ever, if I'm being honest.. the only person who i was close with was you and our another friend, and it wasnt even romantic,, isnt that funny? fjskfo you get me, or.. used to get me, like no one else, and i miss that. i miss being heard and cared for, you made me feel special and now that you dont talk to me, everything feels so dull. so dull. nobody wants to hear me rambling and its been so lonely ive been thinking,, did you want to hear me rambling back then? was i too forceful? i felt loved but maybe i didnt understand that it was a burden for you? maybe i didnt realize it was bad for you... maybe? i think i could have been better.

you know what? im thinking about the last time you sent me a voice message. It was beautiful but at the end of it i realized you were saying goodbye, gently. i guess you were and I didn't realize until days later, i thought it was another confirmation of our bond but i was a goodbye wasnt it? i didn't realize... thats why i kept coming back trying to get you to exchange updates... i really didn't realize. I feel stupid.

anyways,, updates, updates... im obsessed with elvis now. do you think he is cool? do you hate him? or do you understand how I feel and likes that im having fun? im at a moment i cant really talk about him with my family because it's feeling too personal right now.. if you were here i maybe you'd wanna listen to me, but i dont know anymore...

hoseok is a free man again. i dont care much about bts anymore can you believe it? but i care a lot about hoseok still.

maybe i will make a trip to a concert in February. i went on one last year and i saw alter bridge too, so that makes it two trips ... did i get the chance to talk to you about them? i dont remember.. i think i did but i think you werent in the mood, but honestly i might b making this shit up, i think you had said goodby before that. maybe... my bad!

i want to know about you. i see your stories on instagram, youre baking a lot. have you moved out already? i love seeing your bread dkdkdk and you are still so funny, i miss your silliness. i know youre active online with your friends i wish i could be there too.. why is it easier with them? i thought i was doing really well.

i dont think i had the courage back then, to admit it to myself or to tell you but i feel really hurt by you, didnt know how bad i was hurt.. i cant believe we are apart like this i didn't know we could even be... and here i am, apart from you, hurting all the same. i didnt accept it yet.

i wonder if you are feeling anything by now, if youre feeling an odd poke at ur brain, if you're feeling me, if you can feel a slight perturbation, or if any object fell off, or if you remembered something i said, or if youre gonna feel it in your sleep... you know, with all the universe energy that connects us. i think. i think when i think of you you maybe thought of me, or the other way around? but at the same time i doubt i crossed your mind. have i? i hope so, i miss you a lot. You dont wanna come back?

ok. updates ... i dont think i have much else, maybe thats why keeping contact with me might feel stagnating or depressing or just wrong. can i change? is that my problem? i think im trying my best by myself? am i by myself? i dont know i feel like its been years im not heard . it's been years you dont talk to me. i think it has been years

anyways, updates... i miss you a lot, i think im heartbroken. and it's hurting too much today, i feel lonely and pathetic. im crying right now, you know? when did you cry last? what made you cry? is everything alright with your dogs? how about your cats? do you still walk around your neighborhood? do you need anything? how's your mother? did you think of me? i dont know if i think about you every day, but lately i kind of have.

bye.

[perpetual-fool]

-

This is probably stupid and I'm probably wrong, but it's bothering me.

There was an incident. We've had ants in the kitchen pantry, so we have those little tubs of ant poison sitting on the back of the shelves. A while back I noticed they were shoving food packages all the way to the back, so they were coming into contact with the open containers of poison. None of the poison seemed to have gotten out, but that leaves too small a safety margin for my preferences. I brought it up, they agreed it was a problem, and we now have bins to put the food in, ensuring the food will not be touching the poison. Then today, I see that someone has deliberately put a bag of nuts behind the bins and in the poison zone. Unlike before, it had pushed the poison container on its side, the poison had pooled up in its container and was almost leaking out. So it's now a very serious problem. I brought it up, they admit to doing it. Why? They just forgot the poison was there, they claimed. Sure, I can believe that they just forget about things when they're not paying attention to them anymore. So I clarify, "oh, so it's like [other problem]?" And they say "oh, I just needed to be aware of it", "What do you mean 'just'?", "I just wasn't aware of it", "What do you mean 'just'? you literally just told me you are not mentally capable of this." And then I realize this is an attack, and disengage.

That's one of the contradictions I was mentioning earlier, I only know they're wrong because they're disagreeing with themselves. Have a lot of feelings about it, mostly insecure about my life. Like, I'm a dependent, and the people I depend on take nearly every opportunity to destroy me as a person. What's going to happen if they realize it's not working?

Though I think the fact that it feels like a crisis every time it comes up means I don't have the right idea about what's happening. It should at least feel routine, like "ugh, this again". I did have an inverse experience with Cat when she cooperated with the 'explain, give example, rephrase' thing. So extrapolating from that, am I just getting hit with alienation? anti-belonging? And there's not really anything about it I can solve since it's just a raw feeling. If that's true, maybe I could manage it better. I guess I keep getting set up for betrayal by reasonable sounding things, like 'yes, having poison touching the food would be a problem'. Knowing that's what happening, maybe I can be sure to keep my expectations low if someone isn't talking like they're writing code. And maybe get back to making my own language so I can synthesize my own belonging with my imaginary friend.

I seem to be circling issues again. I feel a bit bad about theoretically wasting someone's time with this. But I make these pretty easy to ignore, so I shouldn't. And it just means I haven't figured things out yet.

Tangent, it feels like 'resting' is taking an unreasonably long time. Three days and the ideas still aren't coming? No one has that kind of stamina. If what I really need to recharge is 'belonging' then fair enough, but I'm wondering if the random videos I've been watching have a result akin to junk food. Like, if I'm hungry and I eat a donut, I will actually be more hungry afterwards. I'm thinking maybe my idle activities are returning little to no mental energy. So maybe I should commit to something more involved, like finally playing Outer Wilds or Tunic. I did have a good week or so after trying Lunacid, I think. Hypothetically I should be working on a project of my own, but that's the chicken to the egg of not believing I'm wrong for wanting things. But maybe someday I'll figure out how to design an RPG that somehow replaces combat with sex. Or figure out meaningful time travel, or how to capture that sense of mystery, or simply identify what exactly I find engaging.

Anyway, thanks for theoretically listening. That may or may not be helping somewhat.

[danikavasile]

hanxjun​:

ᕙ(^▿^-ᕙ)

The doctor was right: it was a matter of if, not when, when it came to the Guans. It should have been obvious, given the fact that even Minjun had a hard time telling them no. But he gnawed at his bottom lip, worrying it until it threatened to bleed. "Is there any way to… omit them from finding that bit of information?” Medical malpractice, maybe. Minjun felt horrible for asking as soon as the question left his mouth, and he shook his head. “I apologize… And besides, it’d be impossible. Nevermind.”

And then the main cause of his concern was brought up. “No ethical cures”. He knew she was trying to be gentle when dropping that bomb on him, but it felt just like that. It landed square in the chest and rested heavily in his bones. He knew that that would be the case, but hearing it aloud was… any sort of hope he’d strived for upon meeting the doctor dissipated. He felt disappointed. Not at the doctor, but just… disappointed. “That’s what I expected.” No emotion leaked from his voice, but it was still quiet. Minjun felt like a child, pouting when they couldn’t get what they wanted. It was ridiculous. It still hurt him regardless.

Waving a hand, he scrunched his nose, trying his best to be unaffected. He wanted to go home. Lay down and watch Tim meander around his house. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore, thinking about it made his head hurt. Everything ached. It was his own fault. “Right.” Hypotheticals… he could work under the delusion of a “maybe” or a “what if”. It would make him more honest. Depersonalize, rationalize, stare into the face of death and give it a name. Was that what he was doing? He shook his head. Where would he start on his made-up list? If he had to really think about it, it would look something like:

1.) The headaches. It had been a long time having to live with those. Not the worst thing to deal with but constant. 2.) Lack of energy. His legs felt like logs and his knees constantly felt like they were about to give out. He could barely sleep, but still… that shouldn’t affect him the way it did. 3.) His throat. It was a strange, indescribable feeling. Not burning and not aching, but feeling empty. Sort of in the same vein as rattling around the glass bead in an empty bottle of Ramune. If it also felt like choking on something that went down the wrong pipe.

And then the other things. The constant feeling of cold, the fainting. Those things, the latter of which he hesitated to add to his list. But they were still discussing in hypotheticals. He did not want anyone thinking a soft wind would knock him over—that was the last thing he needed.

But in the end, it would be all for naught anyways. As she said, there was no good, clean way of fixing what was going on. “It’s all a bit hopeless, isn’t it?” Minjun snorted. “But I’ve lasted this long. So, I guess now, with your direction, I could find a way to mitigate the symptoms?” He would not even begin to think of entertaining a route in which he took the easy way out.

⋆♱✮♱⋆

"It is impossible," she repeats. And that's all there is to it. Danika isn't a stickler for the rules (how could she be? She actively breaks Korean law whenever it suites her), but when it comes to her job, she is unyielding. Especially in this case, where she believes he is being unreasonable. He has to realize that he is far more than a regular Guan group employee. He is Roga's best friend, his closest confidant outside of his own blood. While the goal of these check-ups is to ensure that employees are healthy enough to perform their duties, it isn’t so simple for Minjun. While Danika is bound by patient-client confidentiality, she couldn't help but think that by keeping this information private, he is punishing more than himself.

She is becoming increasingly irritated by his evasion of the truth. His refusal to be up-front about what is wrong with him is especially frustrating, but she retains a placid expression. She despises self-pity in general but finds it especially distasteful on an elder like Minjun. They are both far too old for this despairing attempt at sainthood; martyrdom is for the young. 

Danika may be too hardened, too clinical; she knows this. But she's always considered her existence to be both a blessing and a curse, but no more than any other being. The benefits and drawbacks of vampirehood had to be balanced, and accepting these benefits necessitated recognizing and learning to live with the limitations. And if she is ever unable to deal with these disadvantages (whether physically or mentally), it would almost certainly spell the end of her existence. There are hard decisions to be made in such dire circumstances. While Minjun may believe he has made his decision, Danika could not agree. He is simply putting off the inevitable. 

"It is only hopeless if you allow it to be," she says. "Your pain management options range from deep breathing exercises to the use of biofeedback. We may also discuss the boundaries of your ethics and where exceptions may be permitted. Would you object to eating, say, a serial killer? Is your aversion to consuming higher life forms a hard and fast rule?" 

After a brief moment, she reaches over and switches off the computer monitor. She rises from the stool, gazing at him with meaningful intensity. "Mr. Han, may I speak with you candidly for a minute?"

[ask-obt]

If you couldn't reboot og OBT, how would you have changed the original story?

// Alright buckle up, because this is gonna be a long answer. This whole ask will be ooc, but I’ll be switching to non-italic formatting since Tumblr’s post editor can be finicky.

For this hypothetical I’ll assume…

I can’t re-do individual pages, either

I somehow kept the motivation to see it through, and keep along with the original tone of the story

I’ll also avoid talking about things that were repurposed for use in the current iteration of OBT!

For starters, the comic would certainly be much farther- chapters were generally shorter, not to mention the whole not-starting-over aspect- and we’d probably be somewhere around Chapter 13-15.

I’ll be paraphrasing a lot of the plot beats here since I don’t wanna reiterate the entire story of PMD: EOS.

In Chapter 6 we would be reintroduced to Team Skull, who were a friend of the Guildmaster’s instead of a friend of Keaton’s. Rather than Keaton and the Guildmaster’s tenuous relationship being based around the Guildmaster’s obsession with humans, it was much more based in Keaton recognizing Team Skull as dangerous. The dungeon itself yielded Shiida the Paras as a recruit, who would be joining the main team. She never really got much of a personality in my notes, though I think she was intended to be a researcher of sorts. As far as the dungeon itself went, I think it was mostly uneventful… until the team reached the Perfect Apple Tree. There the Team Skull showdown is about the same, but during the Noxious Gas Combo, Fienne evolves, shields Rune, and takes the brunt of the attack, and dies. In-game the team got bottlenecked in a corridor, and Rune ended up getting put to sleep by a Butterfree’s sleep powder, which then started attacking Fienne and whittling down her health until she fainted.

Fienne’s death shakes the team, but they also don’t know how she evolved- pokemon haven’t been able to evolve by themselves for years, and the evolution stones are currently out of commission. (In-universe the explanation was that pokemon needed the presence of humans to evolve, and evolution springs I think were similar to the stones of Geosenge in X and Y, where they were made from the petrified remains of humans. This isn’t the case with current OBT, and the evolution stones are still working fine!) This part of what I had planned would largely stay the same, it was always something I enjoyed planning the plot out on, and I was really looking forward to it. Following the attack, the Guildmaster gets confirmation that Rune was a human due to Fienne’s evolution. He admits his humanity to Rune, and she was planned to take it well (“hello fellow human” energy, vs. the reboot where she isn’t even sure she’s a human). Keaton tries to ban them from the expedition because he doesn't want them getting killed, and Yokaro vetoes the idea.

Following that we have the expedition arc, in which I had planned to follow the in-game restriction of having only the hero and partner attend. In retrospect I think it’s more fun to include other teammates whenever possible, so perhaps I would have changed that! But something very exciting happened here- Bidoof, the mandatory escort, died. Which wouldn’t seem like a surprise- but he actually died by Rune’s hand.

OKAY FIRST LET ME EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED IN-GAME! Bidoof had just been frozen by a Dewgong in Craggy Coast (I think), and I was freaking out because more enemies were fast approaching. I didn’t realize attacks wouldn’t land on a frozen pokemon, and I decided to thaw him out the only way I knew how… with a flamethrower. No, I wasn’t thinking about the fact I was like, 10 levels higher than him. Rune killing Bidoof, even by accident, was going to cause a huge rift between her and Kodali as his trust in her further dwindled. But for some reason, this did not stop Kodali from trying to kiss Rune during the fountain scene- and she rejects him hard. From there, the expedition arc would have unfolded with that in mind. The rest of my notes on this didn’t include any specifics on story beats, until we get to Chapter 10.

In Chapter 10 the team goes to Amp Plains- at this point in my game notes I don’t think I was particularly concerned with dynamics with the rest of the team, but I do remember Kodali’s dad being planned to show up as the Amp Plains boss, something something he’s homophobic and abusive and Kodali as a result had internalized homophobia to deal with. While this is happening, Rune was planned to uh, hit it off with Kodali’s “brother” who was a mew in disguise (very specifically Pika’s character Xander, from Haphazard. This was long before Haphazard even started, and started out as a joke between us because Kodali’s brother just happened to be named Xander as well). They had a weird one-night fling, Rune and Kodali beat the shit out of his dad, and life goes on.

Then we got to the arc where Grovyle is stealing Time Gears from the lakes, and Rune ends up getting seriously wounded in one of these fights (also I think Shiida died in the desert area). She’s hospitalized in the guild (again) and she finds out… she’s pregnant. Now let me just say, I have no idea what I was on when I came up with this as a plot point. I literally can’t imagine it now. So for this ask I received a while back…

Anonymous asked:

Who is Akio?

That’s who Akio is, and where he came from. He’s a weird remnant of a plot point I waffled on for ages. He would have been born in the future of darkness arc (Rune calling him “Akio” because he’s her son of light in a dark world), and in travelling back to the past he would have aged up a bit because something something time travel. If I kept going with the original version of the comic I probably would not have gone through with it. It also came with a weird subplot where Kodali has a stick up his ass about Rune having a relationship with his brother instead of him, and generally would have been uncomfortable to watch.

From here on I didn’t really have a lot lined out for the comic outside of a few key points:

Dora’s real name is Pandora (nice save there, girl), and she was part of the team from the future. But she was also a double agent- since everyone saw Dusknoir’s betrayal coming, I thought it would be more fun to have another betrayal that wasn’t predicted.

Kodali and Rune did end up getting together, like classic heterosexuals. Dora would have queerbaited everyone because at the time I was dealing with my own internalized homophobia and couldn’t imagine her and Rune getting together or- gasp- all of them being in a polyamorous relationship. (Note: I am now very gay ((bi)) and unafraid of gender)

When the team got back from the future, some years would have passed, and Fawkes would have been an adult. (I think they aged like animals so they weren’t gone for too many years, but yanno)

There was another member of the future squad named FM, who was a Noivern/Charizard hybrid. He’s also the one who killed Fienne’s brother, for some reason. Dusknoir was planned to kill him on-screen at some point.

Apparently there was also a Milotic in my old notes who was also part of the future team? She’s talked about but never seen, and got killed by Dusknoir as well somewhere off-screen.

Fawkes’ dad was an Arcanine who worked with Darkrai and would have shown up in the final boss fight, if I got to that point.

Fusion was a thing in this iteration of the comic. That weird big guy that showed up in Chapter 5 was a fusion of the Guildmaster and Chatot. It also, for some reason, was kind of a thing people didn’t really know about? I think at some point I decided only human-turned-pokemon could fuse with other pokemon, but it wasn’t what I originally planned. Rune and Kodali def would have fused during the Dialga fight.

If I ended the run pre-epilogue, Rune would have disappeared as the future changed and she’d be dead and that’d be the end of the run. She and Kodali kiss, Kodali cries, the end. I guess Akio lives with Kodali at that point.

If I ended the run post-epilogue, Darkrai would have killed Rune in the final battle.

So the original thesis of the story was, Rune is a bad person and deserved to die. Which is kind of why I didn’t want to keep going with the original run of the comic- I based a lot of her traits on horrible people in my life, and the comic was a means of me venting how frustrated and angry I was with it all. Which… isn’t really something I wanted to do, as I started to grow and heal. Old OBT didn’t have planned themes of amnesty or forgiveness, nor the foundation for it, and that’s why I don’t think it would have been possible for me to continue the comic as it was. Current OBT has a lot of themes like that, and in a lot of ways, it gives me opportunities to forgive myself as well. I guess this ask is a lot less of “what would I do if the comic continued” and more just going over major notes I had based on the direction things were going, because there isn't really a world where I could have drastically changed the story to fit the themes I wanted to explore.

[cozymoko]

How would yandere Kakashi, yandere Hashirama and yandere Tobirama deal with reader and her rival constantly arguing but her rival actually has feelings for her? Sort of like that from enemies to lovers thing?

Kakashi Hatake • はたけ カカシ

📚 Now this is something new, something new entirely. Kakashi isn't the most confrontational, primarily over matters like this. Likely, he'll just snoop around, probing your "nemesis" from afar. It'd be quite rude of him to not evaluate who his beloved has been rambling about for the past few weeks. Considering it took away much-needed time that you could've been doting on him in.

📚 Not impressed, a bit skeptical about them too. He almost knew something was off when he first laid his eyes on them. Making his eyes narrow quite a bit at his realization.

📚 Their little crush on you didn't go unnoticed, not by Kakashi at least. He could tell from the small stutters and the small boosts of energy they receive when you're mentioned. Kakashi cares little–well, nothing about their existence so why not play with their emotions? By purposely hugging and staying close to you, at all times might I add. It may be to the point that you begin to question his actions.

📚 This may or may not work, it's a hit or miss. But once he sees how persistent they are, sharing your attention and your oh-so-cute angry faces was no longer on his agenda. All good things must come to an end, this rivalry is a prime example. Soon Kakashi will close in on them, asking them to pick life or death right on the spot. There's only one winner to this pointless "love triangle" I'm sure you know the name dear.

Hashirama Senju • 千手柱間

🌳 Hashirama is nothing shy of a charming man but even his boundaries can get crossed. He has no problem listening to your tirades about your days as it's essentially become a part of your routine. Although the word, "rival" did pique his interest in the worst way feasible. Various unpleasant scenarios played through his head as he thought of what they could have done to you or how long this little rivalry had gone unseen by him. He must greet this man of the hour.

🌳 Reasonably irked about all the bickering between you and your foe, it's certainly questionable. Their boasting about how they're "...so much better than you!" got old rather hastily. Watching them belittle you got old even quicker, he can only tolerate it so much. He's so good at restraining himself, too bad we all snap eventually.

🌳 The nicest of them all, in his approach and reaction. If anything it's likely that he wouldn't address them at all and let them crush on you. He's far more refined to not act on his emotions, even if they compel him to. As Hokage it's a must to keep his composure, correct? Well, that's only if they don't make any insignificant advances towards you.

🌳 Hypothetically speaking, let's say they did! That's such a tragic ending, it's almost as if they disappeared right from under our noses. You don't know? They went missing all of a sudden! Though I shouldn't be surprised that you were unaware, after all, Mr. Hokage swept it all under the rug.

Tobirama Senju • 千手扉間

🌊 The whole ordeal is simply exhausting to him, if he wasn't devoted to you he'd certainly pass upon hearing any story. When you did tell him Tobirama was a little disinterested. You were past their status and to dumb yourself down to someone who doesn't correlate is disheartening. Why wouldn't he desire to meet this man who's successfully attained the title "competitor"?

🌊 When you introduced them to Tobirama he frightened them and I doubt it was unintentional. Perhaps it was the death glare? Moving on, the two of you were training and your partner happened to tag along. Just inspecting from the sidelines made everything click, they liked you, this was more like playful banter than fighting. It took everything in him not to tear that man apart where he stands.

🌊 As the assertive man, he is he'll stride up and demand that they tell him how they feel about you. Even if it's more than apparent. Once they've corroborated Tobirama will sternly spout, "Forget this little crush of yours, forget it all. If you do only good things will come of it...However, I can't say the same if you don't."

🌊 If they choose to test their luck, Death is the only solution. He can't have someone swoop in and steal his beloved even if they were inferior to him. The only civil idea is to get rid of them, leaving no trace of their existence, their voice suddenly becoming unheard.