#like i love this concept to much but they would go mac and dennis move to the suburbs about it

[box-dwelling]

I do love the duke Wyll trophy wife Astarion dynamic a lot but every time I play in that space I always wind up with this

[babygirldennis]

This shit is fake bby!!!

Here she is.. My masterpost of all the dumb, illogical bits of info contained within these s15 “leaks” that make me fairly confident they are complete bullshit. It also includes my little tinhat theories that have absolutely no evidence.

I will be putting it all under a Readmore in case you don't want to risk it or if you simply Do Not Care

First up, I'd like to point out that these call sheets repeatedly give very detailed backstories to characters that have few lines which conveniently paints a picture of each episode's plot. And I'm not an expert so correct me if I'm wrong, but after looking at other similar casting calls, they only ever include the demographic and necessary skills.

Basically who in their right mind would write up casting calls that give away so many spoilers? Seems like that could cause and issue if they were leaked lol. But anyway that's my 1st point. But onto the actual content

So the conceit of this episode as a whole is that during the pandemic, the gang "gamed the system" and received three (3!) Loans to start businesses that went bankrupt. One of these businesses is implied to be the one started by dee and charlie who end up selling to Qanon shaman. Already this is so impossible baby.

1. We've already seen the gang try to get a loan and it didn't work. They don't have good ideas. Ur telling me, they managed to finagle 3 separate loans for 3 separate business ideas from an actual bank?

2. Maybe I just have bad reading comprehension but how does one have a business that is both fictitious and bankrupt?

3. If the customer is supposed to be Qanon shaman, an actual real life guy, why are the only descriptors white and male? They say he's shirtless so are they going to paint on all of the tattoos he has? And if so, doesn't that kind of ruin the dramatic reveal when charlie "throws in" the viking helmet? Why would he do that anyways? Sus.

Moving on

Alright this episode would fucking blow for obvious reasons but im going to refrain from looking at this through my gay dennis thruther lens because im biased.

Purely from a narrative standpoint, a woman hasn't been shown to be interested in dennis in nearly 5 years during the wade boggs episode. Ever since, every single woman he approaches has been actively creeped out by him. And now I'm supposed to believe that 3 "smart, passionate woman" (In Their Twenties!!!!!!) agreed to go on a date with him? And Anna even slept with him! Just because he what? Agreed with her? I'm not buyin it.

Plus the concept of this scenario lacks any potential for comedy. When iasip gets political, they always discuss a very specific topic using hyperbolic situations and flawed metaphors. If this is supposed to be a political episode, what ultimately lukewarm point would rob be trying to make here? So far we know they're ranting about

The patriarchy

Privilege

Socialism

No more personal responsibility(?)

The... nature of power in society(??)

How on earth would an episode like get approved? This shit sounds like a Ted talk. It sounds like it was written specifically to sound like a political episode so boring and pointless it would generate outrage and mile long essay posts from Tumblr users and reddit users alike. Almost like this one lol.

On a completely unrelated note, do not try and convince me that Frank "casual cock ring wearer" Reynolds is unable to perform.

Jeez this is getting out of hand fast. Let's move on

Ok now we're starting to getting into the Ireland of it all. Let me go on a bit of a tangent here about all this.. Now I thinq there are just 3 possibilities. Either this is all a publicity stunt and there is some truth to the Ireland rumors, the entire thing could be bogus from some weirdo fan (ps, if a fan did write this I want you to know I fucking hate you. You did this to me), or it is a publicity stunt but Ireland is just more bullshit.

I am going to assume it was a publicity stunt, otherwise I just wasted my entire evening and I can't have that kind of mentality rn. Additionally, I'm Going to tinhat here for a second and say that the Ireland rumors are true, but the details are different.

I say this because if they were going to do filming in Ireland, they probably figured that that information would be impossible to hide. In essence, my completely unfounded hypothesis is that this leak was their fucked up little way of controlling the situation while simultaneously messing with us.

Ok tangent is over, returning to the casting calls. From the looks of it, dee starts a "scam" acting class and has some very devoted students (Note that Tony was also the name of the porn shop owner. Seems weird!) Presumably after the gang replaces her with a monkey as the title suggests.

Honestly, there isn't too much here that's a red flag to me... seems like a nice little dee-centric episode that is the link to the Dublin angle. Assuming I am At All right, this could be a genuine plotline for Dee. However, the monkey could be a red herring and there could be a whole different side plot with the guys. who's to say. Next one!

Ah yes this is the dennis we all know and despise.. no red flags for me here really, I'm also running out of steam because idk if it shows, but I am majorly sleep deprived atm. Anyway I'm going to the next one

Okay this is where things start getting weird again ough a migraine just hit, anyway back to my earlier point about how casting calls would never contains major spoilers bc the people who see these wont be under any kind of NDA..

These ones reveal that bonnie dies. Again, that info wouldn't be in a casting call.

But also they suggest charlie has a irish penpal named Shelley who is his biological father. First off charlie is illiterate, although as pointed out by @undeadbreeze shelley could also be communicating in symbols. However, this scenario is still unbelievable to me for a couple reasons:

1. Bonnie's last name is Kelly obviously, and we know it's her maiden name because Jack's last name is also Kelly. But Shelley's last name is... also Kelly? In the context of this big ol hoax, it feels like it was written to show that look! his last name is the same as charlie's! That's how you know that's his dad! But It would be way too big of a coincidence if charlie's dad happened to have the same last name bonnie.

And 2. There's the whole mystery of charlie's long-lost sister from 'charlie got molested' but never any mention of a brother which according to this, shelley has been pretending to be his brother for years. And we all know how much rcg loves their continuity, it seems uncharacteristically lazy to just tack this on without any prior buildup.

And finally let me talk about mac for a second and specifically the line in gus's summary "both are gay men who are attracted to the priesthood for all the wrong reasons"

Iasip has commented on pedophilia in the priesthood many times in the past which leads me to believe that they are implying that mac is a pedophile? Please let me know if I completely misread the implications of that statement, but if not, then that is completely insane and one of the biggest indictators that this is fake. Mac is awful, just like everyone in the gang but he is definitely not a pedophile.

However even if i did completely misread that, it's still proof this is fake.. For all his faults, Rob put a surprising amount of care and effort into mac's coming-out. It hasn't been perfect, but Mfhp in particular firmly established that mac's faith is integral to his identity so Its unlikely that rob would throw all of that away for a cheap shot at priests.

Ok my brain is irradiated sludge at this point, but in conclusion. I hope that 1. I'm right, at least about it being fake (Otherwise damb that'll be so humiliating for me) And 2. This eases ur fears a bit. I don't want to lose all faith in future seasons bc I love iasip and miss the gang. If you read this far youre insane but I literally love you so goddamn much because I spent so so long tapping this out on my silly little phone

Please feel free to add on or message me your thoughts and opinions I need to know I'm not the only one who uhhh went a bit insane. And finally: whoever made these is a cunt. Mwah.

[emberphantom]

Concept: Mac isn’t really in love with Dennis. He’s been faking the entire time as part of a bet/experiment as to whether or not he can make Dennis fall in love with him. As soon as Dennis confesses his feelings, the experiment will end and he’ll be debriefed. (Alternatively, everyone Dennis hasn’t known since school is actually an actor playing characters written by Dee and it’s all a Truman show situation to see how far they can push Dennis.)

I...wow. I totally think either scenario would COMPLETELY break Dennis. Dude is hanging by a very loose thread at all times to begin with but finding out most of everything in his life has been a complete lie? He'd snap. I mean look what happened in Broke Dee. That wasn't even supposed to be a prank on him and it fucked him up. 

Okay and let's talk about the first one because that's super fucked up but I'm kinda living for it? It's definitely a role reversal for Mac and Dennis. Tbh I cannot see current Mac doing something like this but young Mac (s1-5), I'd buy it. 

BUT there’s also no way Mac doesn’t fall in love with Dennis in the process and then feel guilty about the whole thing only to call it off once things get Too Real. 

And whoops my hand slipped and I wrote another mini fic: 

Him and Dee made the bet in high school because they thought it would be funny and Mac is all "Have you seen me? I could make any one fall in love with me." And Dee's all "Prove it." 

Charlie doesn't know the full extent of it because I think he'd probably let it slip to Dennis. 

So because of that, Mac has so be kind of subtle about it around the Gang. He turns it up a few notches when they're alone though. It takes forever. Like years. Because Dennis is stubborn and on a good day, has one (1) feeling.

Dennis graduates college, they get an apartment together. They buy the bar. Dee's wondering what the fuck is taking so long and Mac insists this is all part of his plan. 

The Gay Bar Scheme sets Mac's progress back a bit, and he swears Dee did it on purpose to try to mess everything up. Stupid bitch. 

It takes a while for Mac to get back on track. Dennis and Dee’s dad shows up one day out of the blue and actually sticks around. Mac starts banging Carmen. He sleeps with Dennis and and Dee’s mom which, he really thought would help move things along. It...did not. 

The turning point Mac needs comes in the most insane and unexpected way. They get held hostage by the McPoyle’s in their own goddamn bar. It’s absolutely batshit. 

There’s a real moment there where Mac thinks they’re not going to make it out alive. Mac tells Dennis he loves him, which Dee will argue later is against the rules of the bet, like watching Dennis’s sex tapes. Mac will tell her that there are no rules, that’s strictly for research purposes. He won’t tell her that, in that moment, he’d completely forgotten about the bet. 

Dennis never mentions it. Hell, he barely even acknowledged it when it happened. Mac starts to think God is punishing him for everything. He knows it’s wrong and kind of gay but..it’s a joke. And Mac’s pretty sure God can take a joke. He plans on explaining the whole thing to him when he gets up there anyway. He’s sure they’ll laugh about it. 

But Mac starts to notice something that makes him think God does have a sense of humor after all: Dennis starts touching him. Like. A lot. Like, more than he’s pretty sure he ever has.  

They’ve always been inseparable but now it feels...different. They hang out all the time and when they’re not physically together, they can’t go even an hour without texting one another. 

Mac starts to realize his evil plan is finally working. 

He sits back and let’s Dennis take the lead. Mac’s planted the seed and now he’s got to just wait for the flower to grow. 

He pretends not to notice when Dennis starts inching closer to him on the couch during movie night. He lets Dennis pretend to fall asleep on his shoulder. 

During Charlie’s musical, Mac starts to lay things on a little thicker. He acts like he doesn’t realize how this is all coming off--like it’s all just him playing the character. (The boner he popped on stage is irrelevant. His body was also in character.) 

Mac realizes he wants to kiss Dennis in the middle of a strangers living room in a house they’re trying to flip for a profit. Well--no wait. It’s Dennis who wants to kiss him, obviously. There’s no other explanation for it. You don’t just cup someone’s face like that, call them ‘baby boy’ like that if you don’t want to play tonsil hockey. 

They pretend to be a couple. “Partners in Real Estate and Partners in life.” “He’s my bottom.” Dennis won’t take his hands off him. Mac’s got him right where he wants him. 

That night, Dennis kisses him. 

(It’s about goddamn time.)

Mac doesn’t tell Dee. She doesn’t need to know. Not yet. He wins the bet when the words “I love you,” un-ironically come out of Dennis’s mouth. 

It’s surprising how much doesn’t change between them. Aside from where Mac sleeps, it’s really not that different. He’s just getting laid more and it...it’s fucking great. Mac thinks it’s probably because of all that adrenaline he gets knowing he’s winning the bet. 

Everything’s going great until Dee finally catches on. 

It’s a Tuesday. They just wanted a bowl for popcorn. They didn’t need Dee to stick her giant nose all up in their business. 

“It's funny 'cause I feel like you guys are two codependent losers who are so wrapped up in each other that it's hard for you to see how pathetic your lives are. It's like you're an old married couple.” 

They laugh at it. But, Mac can see the wheels turning in Dennis’s head. 

Dennis takes too long at the video store and that’s when shit hits the fan. Yeah Mac panicked but that’s only because he really REALLY wants to win this bet. And he can’t do that if Dennis is fucking some video store twink. 

They argue. Dennis wants to be left alone. Mac wants to know where this is coming from (he knows but he wants to hear Dennis say it.) 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what Dee said and I do think maybe we are spending a little bit too much time together.” 

Son of a bitch. 

Mac leaves and Dennis let’s him go. On the way to Charlie’s, Mac calls Dee and tells her that’s cheating--she’s not allowed to interfere in the bet. They had a deal. She tells him she can do whatever the fuck she wants then hangs up because something about her stupid cat. Mac stopped listening. 

He’s at Charlie’s for a few hours when Dennis calls. He’s a Dee’s apparently and Mac’s heart sinks. She’s going to fuck everything up beyond repair. There’s no way he’s going to win the bet now...not because he actually really misses Dennis. 

Mac’s resigned himself to the fact it’s over. The bet, his relationship with Dennis. It’s done. Bye. See ya. But then Dee calls him, and she sounds pissed off and stressed the fuck out. She tell him to be at this restaurant at this time for a “date with a beautiful woman with giant breasts”. Well, Mac thinks, at least she knows how to apologize. 

He gets there early and sits down at the table by himself. He’s nervous, which is unlike him. He’s a badass, he never gets nervous. Mac tells himself it’s because he’s meeting a really hot chick, not because he’s not sure if he’s ready for this thing with Dennis to be over. He orders a rum and coke. Then another. Because alcohol solves everything. 

Dennis walks in with Dee and Mac has never been so close to committing murder. What the fuck is she trying to pull? 

Mac doesn’t have time to ask. She leaves in a hurry, muttering something about getting a bird. 

“She looks like a bird.” 

And...fuck. Mac missed Dennis so much. 

They make-up and make-out on the way home. They invite Charlie and Frank over to watch a movie and once the Grusome Twosome leaves and they’re finally alone again. 

It’s dark, it’s late and it’s quiet. Dennis joins Mac on the couch after he’s tossed some beer bottle into recycling. He’s looking at him like he’s seeing Mac for the first time and Mac feels his throat tighten. 

Dennis starts talking, and Mac starts to panic. He thought he’d be able to see this moment coming a mile away but he’s not prepared for this. Dennis is telling him how sorry he is for everything. How he let Dee get into his head. How stupid it was. 

How he realized the reason why he panicked so much was “Because I think I’m in l-” 

“Dennis.” Mac cuts him off as everything comes crashing down on him all at once.  His heart’s pounding in his chest, ready to burst through his chest at any moment. 

He should’ve called this off when he had the chance. Dee definitely gave him a few outs over the years but he said No. When he made that stupid bet all those years ago, so young and so high, he never thought it would end up like this. 

Mac didn’t think he’d be the one to end up falling in love with his best friend. 

But, if he let’s Dennis say it, then what? They become a real couple? They tell the Gang so Dee can lay everything all out on the table. Tell Dennis that everything was just a big joke--even though it stopped being one for Mac longer than he cared to admit. Mac could deny his part in the whole thing, but Dennis would believe him. 

So Mac has to let him off the hook now, by crushing his best friend’s heart into dust. 

“I think Dee was right,” Mac says finally. He can’t even look Dennis in the eye.  “I can’t--I don’t think we should do this anymore...” 

To drive the final nail into the coffin, he adds, “Plus, y’know I’m not even gay.” 

Dennis doesn’t say anything for a long time. Mac shrugs and tells him “Sorry.” Then he gets up and goes to his room, shutting the door behind him. 

He calls Dee to tell him the bet’s off. To his surprise, she let’s him off the hook. Tells him it was about time he admitted defeat after all these years. Mac calls her a bird and hangs up. That night he goes to sleep alone. 

The next day at the bar, Dennis unveils the D.E.N.N.I.S. System. It’s a low blow, but Mac deserves it. 

They don’t check in much anymore. On movie night, the stick to their corners of the couch. Dennis marries Maureen Ponderosa and Mac thinks that means he’s off the hook. 

Until they’re wasted and dancing and giggling back in their apartment and it feels like old times except Dennis’s wife is there. And he turns but then says to Mac, “I don’t love you Maureen. I...I never loved you.” 

And Mac thanks God he called off the bet. 

[movetothesuburbs]

@magneticghouls first of all... My ask box was apparently turned off so it's good to know I'm an idiot. Secondly thank you for asking

Season 1: Charlie Has Cancer. I love this so from the depths of my heart. The concept of it was like that first idea rcg had for the show. Nothing will ever be as relatable to me as Dennis trying to get out of that conversation as soon as possible. "You can talk to me any time" ... "Oh you meant now?" Fucking incredible.

Season 2: The Gang Exploits a Miracle. I'm gonna be honest s2 is my least fave season. The episodes are all pretty good. They just don't grip me as much. They are bastards to the best degree in this episode though. I've never been Catholic but I'm obsessed with the rituals and imagery. "Am I gay for God?" (Real talk I made a dream daddy meme to that) I love Charlie in all white and Mac in all black.

Season 3: The Gang Gets Whacked. Everything about this 2 parter is funny to me. (Except when I get sad abt Dennis) But! Pussy Hands. Peter Nincompoop. Jackie said she counted that Mac and Frank slap Dennis 13 times in a row and I love that. I think cocaine is funny. I think ruining Crucket's life further is funny. I think watching this ep after binging 5 episodes of the Sopranos is extra funny.

Season 4: It was very nearly Mac's Banging the Waitress but I am a sucker for a musical and a basic bitch so you know it's The Nightman Cometh. It was one of the first eps I ever saw. My best friend showed it to me then immediately showed me a live recording. I get Dayman stuck in my head often. I love Charlie. Also "I'm eating because I'm uncomfortable" Cat eyes Mac makes heart eyes Jack.

Season 5: Mac and Dennis Break Up. This was the first episode I ever saw. My bff was like "watch this they're gay" and by God were they. I think about the line "Far be it from me to keep the flower of you from flourishing" every goddamn day.

Season 6: Who Got Dee Pregnant? Admittedly I'm very soft for Dee Gives Birth, but I'm hella gay for Jimmi Simpson and Halloween. Also I love the reactions to if Mac had been the one. I am a sucker for characters telling conflicting accounts of the same event. I think Dennis looked hot as Luigi and think he could have worked that without a Mario just fine, he just wanted a couples costume with Mac. I will not encourage incest shippers, but Dennis thinking he might have gotten Dee pregnant is the funniest gd thing.

Season 7: The High School Reunion. I love far Mac with all my heart and if I saw that man at a high school reunion I do not care what rep he had in high school I would be on that. Also irl I had a crush on the high school drug dealer so what are standards? I love Dee immediately jumping on being the nastiest meanest bitch ever. I love the dance at the end. I think Tim and Dennis made out in high school. I'm gay for Jason Sudeikis so seeing Schmitty show up was beautiful. Cricket..... Was there. My only regret is that I already knew Mac's legal name is Ronald McDonald so I did not get to experience that reveal as a fresh concept.

Season 8: The Gang Dines Out. Did you ever know that you're my hero? I love endings where the gang appreciates Dee. Episodes that take place in one set are always great. The Waiter is great. Frank and Charlie havin' an anniversary 💙 Dennis did not have to give that speech in front of a crowd. He was going to tell Mac all those things just to his face. But he needed that whole restaurant to know who the real hero is. Dennis Reynolds said fuck the troops. I still don't know what a Groupon is. Also that table being so close to the kitchen door probably violates OSHA guidelines but thay's not a part of why I like the episode, just an observation.

Season 9: The Gang Saves the Day. I love seeing characters just imagine fantasy scenarios. Dee's is inspirational but should have been gayer. Mac is... Stupid but I love him with my whole heart and I support him imagining Dennis crying over his corpse. All hail our mighty and buff Lord. Love Dennis saying he'd rather die than have a broken dick. I love that Charlie's is animated. He is so small. There are two genders: janitor or waitress. The most relatable is Frank tho. You eat those hotdogs bitch

Season 10: The Gang Goes on Family Fight. I'm a slut for Argyle sweater vests and Dennis having a mental breakdown. Also Charlie being one of the survey takers was priceless.

Season 11: It should come as no surprise that my favorite of this season (and the series as a whole) is Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs. I love every single moment of this episode. I love the breakdown of their sanity. Rage fuels me. People think Dennis is a psychopath but who in this episode is feeding their roommate a dead dog? Not Dennis. What would be different if Dennis was the house husband? You know Wally just wanted to be nice to the gay couple that moved next door but they acted Like That. I'd love to make a longer post just about this episode. Some guy in fb was like "the seasons sucked after sesson 8" and everyone was like "okay but suburbs in season 11 tho" and they guy was like "okay u right" Suburbs is the episode that brings the gays and straights together and will bring us world peace

Season 12: This wss hard cuz I think this is my favorite season overall. And I'm gonna be real controversial here and let you know my fave ep is Dennis' Double Life. I love the concept. I love the convoluted scheme. I would die for Mandy. I know there's a lot with real life stuff happening and how it affected things after but I wanna appreciate it as is. Sometimes you juat have so many big feelings that you run away to North Dakota to be a dad I guess. "I'm the lover obviously" "I have a good plan but you wouldn't listen to it anyway" Did I mention I love Mandy? Maybe it's that I grew up in the Midwest but I understand her on such a deep level. I love this episode so much.

Season 13: The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem. Every time I go into a bathroom I just think "animal shithouse" nonbinary/genderfluid Charlie rights. Hawaiin shirts. I also love Jimmy Buffett. I love they all sing the wrong song. "As a straight man" in the least convincing way. This episode speaks to me on all levels.

[loftec]

I was really hoping to update NTW this weekend, but it’s looking less and less likely... so, here’s something else.

I found an alternate season 6/7 thing I started outlining when that whole mess went down, like just ideas for how Ian’s storyline could have worked out after season 5 (I would have included the other characters too, but honestly I don’t know what they’ve been up to since I stopped watching. Fiona bought a building. For some reason. I don’t want to know.).

So I’ve added some stuff for season 8 and 9, and since I’m probably never going to write it I thought I’d just share it for laughs.

May the 4th be with you!

Alt Shameless after season 5

Ian is on his meds and since he broke up with Mickey because he thought he’d be better off alone, he doesn’t go looking for new boyfriends.

He sleeps around a lot though.

He doesn’t have a lot of storyline, because he’s mostly clammed up and moping around, and his family keep assuming that it’s because of his meds.

Maybe four episodes in, something happens at work that makes Ian seek out an LGBT+ group, where he meets Trevor at a charity event. They work together all day and really hit it off, they have some similar interests (interests!), and they end up talking about a lot of things (things!). At the end of the day, Trevor asks him out, and Ian says yes before he’s remembered that he doesn’t do that stuff.

He’s nervous about the date and drinks a couple of beers before Trevor even shows up, he gets piss drunk and wakes up the next day in a strange room.

It’s Trevor’s bedroom, and Trevor comes in with coffee, telling him that Ian was pretty much drunk when he showed up and barely able to stand on his own two legs by the time they left. He doesn’t know where he lives, so he took him home for the night.

Ian tells him about being on meds, and that’s why he got so drunk so fast.

Trevor thinks he could have just told him, and Ian says his mental illness pretty much was the reason his old relationship didn’t work out.

Trevor asks if it was Mickey. Ian wonders what Trevor knows about it.

“You may have mentioned him last night.”

Ian says yeah, and is quick to correct him when Trevor assumes that it was Mickey who left.

“I broke up with him, thought it was the best for the both of us at the time… also don’t think I expected it to last. We usually find our way back.”

“But not this time?”

“He’s in prison. Fifteen years.”

It’s the first time he says it out loud.

Trevor says he’s not interested in starting a relationship with someone who’s clearly still in love with their ex (and Ian kinda smiles, because it’s true and it’s so nice that someone else can see it and accept it and take it seriously). But, he says, you do look like you could use a friend, and not to brag, but I make an excellent friend. He does the cheesy handshake, re-introduction thing (where we find out his last name!) and they agree to be friends.

(Turns out Trevor is estranged from his family, and after maybe a shaky start, he finds a natural spot in the Gallagher clan and becomes part of some of the other plot points throughout the season.)

Ian’s storylines can be about his work, and about stuff happening at the LGBT+ youth center, and they get into hijinks, but nothing super serious (or illegal!!).

Ian at some point has a big moment with Yevgeny, where he comes to terms with no longer being a parent, and maybe even thinking that it’s for the best. (Svetlana and her thrupple storyline can basically be the same, but end differently. With the three of them happy and together, and Yevgeny thinking of Kev as his dad. It’s not ideal, but neither is Yev being sad about his dad being in prison.) Maybe Ian talks to Svetlana about Mickey, maybe finding out for the first time that they aren’t married anymore. We don’t find out what Ian thinks or feels about this.

Throughout the second half of the season. Whenever the Gallaghers gather and Ian isn’t there, they wonder where he is and try to reach him, letting it go when he doesn’t answer.

But after it happens too many times to be a coincidence, they start wondering. Maybe Lip and Fiona talk about it, worrying about Ian having a low, or a high, but not knowing if they should intervene.

Lip talks to Trevor, and tells him more about Ian’s bipolar. Trevor denies having noticed anything going on, and maybe even questions if Lip has any right telling him Ian’s personal stuff.

(Also, I think it would be really nice for Trevor to have a romantic/sexy storyline... so I wouldn’t mind Trevor and Ian starting a friends with benefits relationship, deciding on the terms of it before they start it. Or, Trevor starts a relationship with someone else. Depends on how much drama one wants. Trevor could develop unrequited feelings. If one wants. But personally I think it would be more fun for everyone involved if he was allowed to fall in love with someone else.)

Last episode of the season, they’ve had some big plot point resolved by the Gallaghers getting together and working it out as a goddamned team, and they’re all sitting on the porch steps when a police car stops outside their house.

The officer tells them that Ian is on record as having visited Mickey in prison, and Lip is like, yeah, maybe a couple of times a year ago, what’s that got to do with anything? And the officer says, no, he’s visited once a week for the past six months. And Mickey has escaped. And they have a warrant to search their house.

The Gallaghers sit packed together on the couch watching the news as the officers search through the house, and on the TV we get the whole scoop. There has been a massive prison break and like 40 highly dangerous inmates have escaped, Mickey amongst them.

BOOM. Credits.

Season seven.

Throughout the season, we get like comedic side story lines about the police and the escaped inmates basically roaming the streets. Potentially outrageous and lots of opportunity to oscillate between slapstick comedy and high-stakes drama.

Ian waits for Mickey to contact him, but it doesn’t happen until maybe a couple of episodes in. TENSION.

Ian has other storylines through the season, but mainly it ends up being his secret rendezvous (plural, frequent, in-depth, sexy) with Mickey where they get to spend time together, talk. Bonus if they try to “be friends” for a while, because they don’t talk about the important stuff and they don’t know where they have each other, and they don’t know what’s going to happen. It doesn’t last long, culminating in an explosively passionate love scene.

At some point, Ian is approached by an FBI agent, telling him they have a deal for Mickey if he turns himself in and gives them info on the other escapees. Ian says he’s not in contact with Mickey and even if he was, Mickey would never snitch.

Later on, he talks to Mickey about their future. Mickey explains that the gang he joined in prison are escaping across the border to Mexico, and he has to go with them. Ian says he’ll come with Mickey, but Mickey is firmly against it.

He wants Ian to come with him, of course, but he doesn’t want that life for Ian. No security, a life of crime, on the lam. He kind of gets why Ian broke up with him, now, if this is anything like what he felt at the time, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Ian pleads with him, telling him that breaking up is something he’s only ever regretted since he did it.

Yeah, but what other choice have we got?

Ian tells him about the deal, and takes out two gold bands he’s bought from a pawnshop. If they get married, they can be put in the witness protection program together, and start over.

Mickey agrees, to Ian’s great surprise, and they end the season being shipped off to an unknown location as the busload of prisoners get apprehended on the way to Mexico (cartoonish, but with a little bit of work and research, maybe could be an acceptably goofy and almost realistic plot point).

(For Drama, Mickey could be with the prisoners when they’re apprehended, and he’s shot dead by the police. Cut to Ian being in the ambulance that picks him up, and Mickey is still sitting in his body bag, all bloodied, as they suck face and the FBI drive them to their new location.)

Season 8

Ian and Mickey try to start a new life and it turns completely ridiculous (like, imagine a mix between IASIP where Mac and Dennis are in the house with the Mac & Cheese mixed with like, Suburgatory, or Weeds, or whatever. Two gay South Side kids suddenly trying to make a life for themselves in some middle class suburb somewhere, and they hate it and it all goes to shit. But they love each other and get each other through it.)

The hardship they face in their new life doesn’t come from them, (it’s from situations and circumstance, and other people being impossible) and every time something happens it only leads them to break down another barrier by eventually talking about their feelings and hopes for the future, and thoughts about the past. And I want them specifically to talk about Yevgeny, how hard it was for Mickey to feel anything good about him at first, but now he misses him like he’s missing a limb. Them trying to be a wholesome couple in a suburb somewhere is an unmitigated disaster, but it does help them get a lot closer to each other and work through their problems, and their past.

And then through some Shameless™ retcon, something suddenly makes it possible for them to return back home. Or maybe they’re just like, fuck this, is there anyone stopping us from just grabbing our shit and going home?? No. So they do.

Yevgeny is part of the reason why they return. They move in to the apartment above the Alibi at first, and Mickey can work with Svetlana in the bar and cook up semi-illegal side-hustles with Kev. 

Everybody they know are on their side, denying everything in true South Side style if anyone asks about them, once again solidifying the core concept of the show; we take care of family.

The whole thing where they’re possibly in danger from the Mexican cartel looking to exact revenge for Mickey snitching (if they ever find out that he’s alive) could be played for laughs and brushed off, until it might come back and create more Drama in a later season, if needed, before being permanently resolved.

Characters thinking they’re invincible and being stupid about stuff like this is fine, I think, if they do it for a good reason.

[globrights]

iasip s12 rated by macdennis content

The Gang Turns Black: Mac and Dennis spend the entire episode together, getting arrested and put in an interrogation room with each other, and get to sing a DUET together. Charlie even ditches them at some point to go get their VCR from Dee’s place and they don’t care one bit because all they need is each other. Also features a cute bit where Mac leans back into Dennis and sings “I think we’re in The Wiz...” it’s all a dream but if you watch the episode you’ll be glad it was a dream. 7/10

The Gang Goes to a Water Park: They don’t have a plot together in this, but in the cold open Dennis brags about how he can enjoy his time at the water park for free, and is very impressed (”Nice!!!!!!”) when Mac reveals he laminated his admission bracelet and hasn’t even paid to get IN the water park since he was 14... also Dennis bonds with a little girl the whole episode by passing on his swindling ways which proves that he could definitely raise kids with Mac one day, albeit ones just as horrible as the both of them combined. 5.5/10

Old Lady House A Situation Comedy: While Mac and Dennis do interact in this episode, it’s never a one-on-one situation. Dennis does spend the whole episode trying to help Mac (and Charlie) with their moms supposedly being at loggerheads though (and makes a fake tv show out of it, in which he edits in some laughs for Mac when he says some classic, funny catchphrases), and is “outsmarted” by Mac when Dennis claims that he wants to cut Mrs Mac out of the show, and that there’s nothing Mac can do about it because Dennis is, as he so claims, a genius. Dennis then proceeds to eat his words when Mac places his mom in every shot, maneuvering her around so that her face can be seen in all the cameras. Oh, and also, Mac touches Dennis on the shoulder at one point, which is pretty sweet. 4/10

Wolf Cola A Public Relations Nightmare: This episode had its moments, but not macdennis moments. Boo. At no point were they sitting next to each other, which is a huge bummer. That being said, Mac does say the words “Now I’ve always been very passionate about dominating other men. There’s nothing like the feeling of another man submitting to your will. Now that’s power. In a lot of ways, that’s love.” Make of that what you will. 1/10

Making Dennis Reynolds a Murderer: There was a surprising amount of macdennis stuff going on in this episode, considering how it was a crime documentary accusing Dennis of murder. The first picture shown of Dennis in the episode is a picture of him and Mac, which Mac probably submitted because he looks happy in the picture whereas Dennis is a mixture of unprepared and irked—based on the picture it’s also fair to assume Mac put his arm around Dennis when he took the photo. Cute shit. Dennis also recounts how an average Friday night for him is spent watching a movie with Mac. In a later interview, Mac is introduced as Dennis’s best friend, and we proceed to find out that when they watch movies (or just Operation Dumbo Drop, at the very least) Mac likes to turn the volume down so that he and Dennis can make wiseacre remarks. They get into a squabble on camera about whether Mac stole this concept from Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or not, and about how funny Mac’s jokes are. Dennis gets annoyed and leaves, prompting Mac to whine “Wait, w-hold on, Dennis, D-don’t leave without me... Are you mad at me?” Cue sad music. Actual, sad instrumental music that the documentary plays. But sad music aside, it’s funny how Dennis complains about Mac and his supposedly unfunny played out unoriginal jokes yet still spends most average Friday nights at home watching movies with Mac. I see you Dennis, I fucking see you. 7.5/10

Hero or Hate Crime?: Mac comes out for real in this episode! Which is amazing in and of itself making this episode groundbreaking and perfect, but how does that play in terms of macdennis? Well, first off, through gay Mac macdennis is more possible, so jot that down. Second of all, Dennis looks INCREDIBLY offended when Mac tries to claim that he’s not gay, and then is the first one to start gently coaxing Mac to come out of the closet, by telling him they support him and that it’ll make him feel better. He’s also the first one to bring up Mac’s dildo bike, the renowned Ass Pounder 4000, and he also voluntarily brings it from the basement of Paddy’s all the way to where the arbitration is being held. Aside from all the touching of the dildo bike Dennis commits in transporting it, he also touches the bike a ton when Mac is explaining the “workout bike” to everyone. This includes leaning his hand, wrist, even his entire forearm on the bike handles, and wrapping his fingers around it, odd behavior for him to display seeing how Mac presumably fucks himself with the bike, and is reinforced as even weirder in a future episode where Frank and Charlie refuse to even so much as go near the bike. Dennis then proceeds to suggest that Mac penetrating his ass with a dildo bike is just a sexually devious thing to do, and has nothing to do with being gay (Dennis, what are you trying to tell us buddy? Just come on out and say it, we’re all in support). Yeah. Okay, and then when Mac comes out and leaves, and the gang decides to make Mac pay the arbitration fee, Dennis speaks up for Mac and convinces the gang to delay telling Mac where $9,986 of his lottery winnings are going, just so that he can have one triumphant, happy day of being out and gay. 6/10

PTSDee: “Is he blowing someone?” Right off the bat we have Dennis staring at Mac playing a game in Virtual Reality. Why do you care if Mac’s fake blowing someone, huh, Dennis?  Anyway, Dennis decides to become a stripper in this episode, which clearly has an effect on Mac, who’s suffering from fake war flashbacks from the game he was playing with Frank. After a traumatic dream about his father, he dreams of himself waking up and immediately looking for Dennis so he can tell him (and possibly seek consolation from Dennis) about his awful dream, only to see a half-naked Dennis dancing. Upon seeing Mac, Dennis walks up to him and kisses him, prompting Mac to wake up for real, and walk out to see the same half-nude, red-capped Dennis from his dream, actually dancing half naked. Dennis spots Mac and starts amping it up—he pulls off a few different moves—including one where he dances all the way up to Mac, slamming his hands on either side of the doorway Mac stands in, causing his eyebrows to rise in extreme interest, right before Dennis shuts the door because he’s a huge tease. This is definitely the most aroused/interested in something sexual that’s about to happen that Mac has ever been in the series, possibly his entire life. We thank Rob McElhenney for his service, and every single facial expression he produced in those scenes. This is the first explicit interest Mac has taken in Dennis ever since he came out, and it further confirms that Mac really wants to make out with Dennis (amongst other things). Later, Mac wakes up from a 35-second long dream five minutes after arriving at Frank and Charlie’s place, where Dennis is, so it’s easy to presume that he was looking for Dennis. And when Dennis talks about how he, Charlie, and Mike would be an elite stripping force capable of winning the “war against women” he so declared, he tries to invite Mac—who is asleep, sadly—to join them in stripping too. But who cares about all that, because really, all we think about for this episode is the kissing dream and the Dennis dancing for Mac scene, right? 9/10

The Gang Tends Bar: What a wonderful fucking episode. All ‘round beautiful, Megan Ganz truly is a treasure. Mac spends most of the episode trying to get Dennis to open this crate he has supposedly ‘found’. However, because Dennis spends most of the episode trying to get the gang to do their jobs for once on Valentine’s Day, a day he claims he does not want to celebrate or include as a theme in the bar the whole day, he refuses to play along with it, stubbornly bartending for most of the day, no matter what Mac says. This causes Mac, and the rest of the gang, to speculate over why Dennis is being like this. After Dennis orders Mac and Charlie to clean up the yuck puddle in the bathroom, Mac confides in Charlie, saying that he feels like Dennis has been acting distant towards him, he believes that Dennis is uncomfortable with him being gay and is trying to punish him for it, which Charlie disagrees with, because, duh, and says that it must be something else. Mac then theorizes that Dennis actually wants them to talk through their feelings because it’s Valentine’s Day, and that he’s entrusted Mac to do that because he’s a gay man, proceeding to reveal that he has a huge surprise for Dennis, which he feels Dennis is not emotionally available enough to receive at the moment. Later on, Mac brings the crate into the bar, and Dennis opens it to find that Mac’s gifted him an RPG for Valentine’s Day. This entire scene is a clear romantic gesture on Mac’s part, who gives Dennis the one thing he’s always wanted, despite also thinking (like the rest of the gang) that Dennis has no feelings and hates Valentine’s Day (he has also never given Dennis a Valentine’s Day gift prior to this moment). But as Dennis reveals in his most vulnerable moment on television, he does have feelings. Big feelings, at that. 10/10

A Cricket’s Tale: No. Nope. Nothing. Fuck this entire episode, actually, because not only does it completely drag down the quality of the whole season, it has no macdennis! Nothing! Can’t pull anything out of my ass, since this is technically set over the events of PTSDee and The Gang Tends Bar. The gang is barely in this too, and as I’ve implied, it just plain sucks. It’s the worst episode, and I might even go as far as to say that it’s the worst episode of the series. So Cricket, I love you, but fuck this episode for existing, and for creating a big drop in the macdennis momentum this season had going on. -4657348924385738492/10

Dennis’ Double Life: Apparently, Dennis and Mac had some bet to decide who got to redesign their old apartment, which Mac won. Very cute stuff, makes you trust, makes you think that this episode has got your back and isn’t going to stab you in the face, makes you think it makes up for the previous episode which will go unnamed. Cue Dennis having a son with Mandy, a girl he picked up under a fake identity back in North Dakota, and now he wants to get rid of her in case she tries to come after the bar for money. Mac and Dennis pretend to be a couple—or well, according to Dennis—two people who don’t have sex but are emotionally involved. Watching Mac be completely into pretending to be a couple with Dennis, claiming that they make love, bringing back lines from when they pretended to be a couple in season 5 (oh, those days), is equally heart breaking as it is heart wrenching. So it’s good, but also horrible, but also bad. After Mac enthusiastically volunteers to raise Mandy’s son as his other dad with Dennis, he wraps his arm around Dennis’ arm which is so sad because it all comes crashing down later. Mac tries to offer to sleep with Frank for $5,000 which Dennis stops because “you’re emotionally involved with me”, a strange thing to bring up because if Dennis can sleep with women whilst being in an emotional relationship with Mac, what’s stopping Mac from banging Frank for five grand? Jealousy (and some discomfort), that’s what. Also Mac claims that Dennis is his gimp. But at the end of the day, none of that matters, because Dennis up and leaves! He leaves Paddy’s, he leaves Mac, breaking his heart, my heart, and the entire state of Pennsylvania, probably. fuck u/10

[trashangel-dee]

A post-mfhp Mac & Dee friendship fic

I started this back in November, but finally got the inspiration to finish it today. Before watching the episode, I caught a bit of a spoiler that said something like “after Luther rejects him, when Mac was laying with his head in her lap”  I thought op was talking about Dee or Mrs. Mac and it was such an intriguing and weird concept to me, that I felt the need to write it.

tw for a suicide attempt scene. Nothing really graphic, but it’s definitely an important part of this. It’s in italics, if you want to skip it. It’s based off Mac’s line about Dee in Chardee Macdennis.

lmk if you see anything else that needs to be tagged.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Dee snaps when she enters her apartment.  

Mac is lying on her couch. He barely looks at her, “I forgot Frank isn’t living here anymore.”

“No, goddammit, he’s not. And neither are you.” Finally, finally, after 4 years she had her apartment to herself again. Things went south between Charlie and the Waitress and Frank immediately moved back into that filthy studio.

He doesn’t fight back or insult her and Dee feels an unwanted spike of worry for the man. She walks over to the couch, staring down at him, hands on hips, “Where were you today? You were supposed to be on our float. We had to use Cricket.”

“I was busy. Okay, Dee?” He sits up to glare at her.

Dee sits in the open space, staking out her territory before another of those assholes could take over her apartment again. Mac looks too defeated to argue. She groans, already hating herself for what she’s about to say. “C’mere,” she says patting her lap. He looks suspicious and mildly repulsed. “Clearly you’re depressed and shit, and I don’t want a gay man’s death on my hands if you off yourself.”  

It only takes a moment to remember all those years ago when the situations were reversed. After a game of Chardee MacDennis they had all separated. As the victor that day, Dennis had used his power to send Mac over to Dee’s to get her VCR for movie night. Plans were changed, though, when he burst through the door. He stopped mid-sentence upon finding Dee stretched across her couch, beer in hand.  

----

“What’s going on here?” Mac asks with an odd mix of curiosity and concern.

“What d’you think?” she asks. “I’m an ugly bird who’s failed at life. It’d be better if I was dead, right? But I can’t even do that right.”  

He approaches her for a closer inspection, some sort of insult poised on his tongue, when his foot sends an empty pill bottle across the floor. He doesn’t bother to look at it to know it’s not her name that’s on the label.

Panic mode sets in, and his controlling side takes over. He grips her wrists, pulling her to a sitting position. “You gotta get that out of you,” he instructs. When she doesn’t make an attempt to move, he gives her another tug. “C’mon, you stubborn bitch,” Mac mutters, “Don’t make me drag you in there.” A thought occurs to him, and he adds, “Because then I-,” he gags lightly, trying to push the thought out of his mind. He looks her in the eyes, hoping to convey as much authority and clarity as possible, “I’m trying to help you.”

Looking tired, and paler than usual, she cooperates, disappearing into the bathroom with a click of the door.

A short time later, Dee emerges from the bathroom, expecting the apartment to be empty. Instead, she finds Mac sitting on her couch, watching a muted television.  

“Water,” she explains when he looks up.  

“Sit,” he commands, then jumps up, “I got it.” It looks like she could fall over at any second, and it’s a long way to the floor for someone that lanky.

Too tired to argue, Dee follows his instructions. He returns from the kitchen and passes her a glass. She expects him to leave, but instead, he sits, too. She takes a small sip.  

“Were you listening to me?” she asks, embarrassed and disgusted.  

“I wasn’t listening,” he clarifies, heavy on the last word. “I had to be sure you were doing it, and not trying something else stupid.”

“Why do you care?” Dee asks.  

“Suicide is a sin,” he states, simply.  

Dee shrugs, “We’re all going to hell anyway.”  

“You don’t know that,” Mac responds, almost defensively. “The Lord is forgiving. You just have to love Him.”

“I feel like shit,” Dee sighs, instead of arguing.

He puts his ugly boots on the coffee table, clearly planning on staying.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” she asks, hoping to sound inconvenienced.

“Nah,” he says, settling in. The VCR was his whole reason for coming over, and that’s right here. Bonus if saving Dee from trying anything again gave him some major points with The Big Man.  

They didn’t talk about it the next day. It was so long ago that his memory is a little fuzzy, but Mac is pretty sure they didn’t talk at all. Everything went on as normal, but instead of joining in when Dennis called her a dumb bird, he laughed once, to save face, then turned the attention to his latest security plan to make Paddy’s safer.  

----

He lays back down, head in her lap. He really doesn’t have the energy to trek over to another apartment.

Her fingers softly find their way through his hair. The touch too soothing and the moment too nice and fragile to insult her giant hands. Still, the situation isn’t as strange as it should be. With the change in the gang’s dynamics over the past year, they’ve become almost-real friends.

“Y’know, Dennis and I- me? I?- we did this as kids sometimes,” she begins softly. “When he would have some kind of breakdown over something stupid. Like the buzzer when we were on that game show. Or when Maureen dumped him for the millionth time that week. He’d always come into my room crying and yelling and I had to deal with that.” She’s not sure why she’s sharing this information, but it feels right.  

“This isn’t my job as a woman. To comfort men,” she says. “So whatever stupid sexist-”

“I came out to my dad today,” he interrupts.

“Oh,” she says, surprised. “Shit. How’d that go?”

“I don’t know. Not good, I think. He just walked out in the middle of it.”

"When you were telling him? What a dick move,” Dee muses.

“No,” Mac corrects. “I danced.” Before Dee has the chance to laugh at the idea of Mac on stage, jabbing his elbows all over and making an ass of himself, he continues speaking in a much softer tone. “I worked really hard on this dance. Every day for months. With this woman. It was kind of beautiful.”

“That’s-,” Dee begins, at a loss for words.  

“Frank was there. He looked proud,” Mac says and it sounds kind of distant.  

Dee feels a quick spike of jealousy. He never seemed proud of anything she’s done, unless it was for a scheme. And he’s certainly never been in the audience, supporting her during pageants or plays. She chooses to move past it.

“If you’re gonna be a pussy about it and keep drooling on my legs, then pass me the remote,” Dee says, but there’s no real cruelty to her tone.  

He leans forward slightly, reaching onto the coffee table and following her request. “Put something good on.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Thanks for reading. I hope it wasn’t awful. :) I’ll probably give it a day or so and do any editing I think of, and post to ao3

[oysters-aint-for-me]

For IASIP ask meme: 3, 7, and 16

3. what are your top 3 favorite episodes?

“Mac’s Banging the Waitress”: I adore convoluted plots, especially when they’ve only become convoluted because of characters being stupid. I think it’s really tightly plotted. I love weird jealousies and bizarre, unhealthy relationships. And I also really enjoy how this episode only has four characters in it. It’s a very different episode from other sitcoms, narratively speaking, and I think it’s a lot of fun. Plus, I mean, the homoeroticism and gender politics reach, like, Tennessee Williams levels of complexity. I wrote a whole essay about it, in fact, which I did completely for fun lmao no one else has read it

“Mac & Dennis Move to the Suburbs”: I mean, duh. An artfully choreographed descent into madness. There are also a lot of great little details in it that make me appreciate how much thought goes into the show.

“The Gang Gets Trapped": the first two are my definite faves; no. 3 changes, but I think for now it’s this one. I think every cast member has a chance to shine in this episode, but especially Rob, even though he barely does anything. I love how it starts smack-dab in the middle of the conflict. I love the music. And I cannot explain how hilarious the ending is to me, when they just walk right out the front door. 

7. what’s something that we haven’t seen in the show yet that you’d like to see?

Would LOVE to see Mac kiss a dude. Any dude. Doesn’t need to be cheesy or romantic or heartfelt; it fact, it shouldn’t be, because it’s Sunny. It can be funny and awkward and weird. I just want to see it. We’ve seen straight kisses and I just want it to be, like, normalized? I guess?  I hope we’ll see that this season. I think we will. 

16. how do you think the show is going to end?

Honestly, I have no idea. Part of why I like Sunny so much is because it surprises me. Given what rcg all say about the characters and what they represent, I don’t think it’ll be a happy ending. But I also don’t think that they’ll get their comeuppance, either. The show, to me, is about stasis, about the opposite of change. So, in that way, ending, as a general concept, doesn’t really work for the show. The characters don’t learn. They won’t get together, they won’t go on to fulfill their dreams; that would undermine everything the show has said. But they can’t exactly do an anti-ending (“Sometimes things just sort of…end.”); it works for an episode or two but, as a series finale, it’s deeply unsatisfying in a way that makes the audience feel cheated or tricked. They can’t suddenly have to pay for their crimes, because Seinfeld already did that. 

I guess, though, if I had to write the ending…it would end with the gang selling the bar. They make all of these plans about how to improve their lives and be better people and live their dreams. 

But they spend the entirety of the last episode fighting over who gets to be the one to turn the lights off and deliver the “closing line”, and they spend so long fighting over it that they miss some important closing meeting about selling the bar. 

They finally all decide to turn the lights off together in some crazy way that pleases all of them (which probably involves, like, shooting the light switch with a gun). Then Frank gets a call and tells them that they missed the meeting. The bar hasn’t been sold after all. 

There’s a few moments of silence, and then one of them is like “....Well, should we reschedule, or...?” and they all look at each other like “...I mean...that sounds like a whole thing...” and then it turns into some stupid old fight about, like, who came up with the chicken and steaks and air miles scam. They wordlessly get some beers from behind the bar and sit at the counter, shouting at each other, being mean to each other, just like nothing happened. 

Thanks for the asks!!! :)

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/1/2018: MANDY

I get a little intimidated by hype. A little very intimidated. I don’t like feeling like part of a crowd, even a virtual crowd, especially an aggressively overheated crowd whose fervor drives it to podium-pounding conclusions about what is “the Best ________ Ever.” The taint of public hysteria can kill even the most resonant buzz, and it becomes somehow more damaging when the movie in question is already so outrageous that you almost can’t overstate it. So, by the time I finally worked up the nerve to watch Panos Cosmatos’ second feature, which appears to have blown everybody’s brains out of their mind, I had forcibly lowered my expectations in hopes of being, at best, pleasantly surprised. As it turns out, I like this movie a whole lot--but not without certain reservations, about the very ways in which it is designed to cater to me, specifically.

On the whole, MANDY is a big beautiful van painting of a movie, lit by the smoldering embers of the psychedelic ‘70s, and pulsing with the doomy beat of yesteryear’s proto-metal. As opposed to Cosmatos’ relentlessly red first feature BEYOND THE BLACK RAINBOW, which can leave you feeling singed, MANDY warms your bones with a glow that radiates out from the screen, inviting you to vanish forever into its comforting, weedy haze. The overwhelming beauty of the world in which the eponymous fantasy nerd (the extraordinary Andrea Riseborough, an actual enchantress) and her bearish partner Red Miller (Nicolas Cage at his very best) live makes it effectively devastating when their rural sanctuary is violated by a savage hippie cult whose megalomaniacal leader wants Mandy for his latest acid queen. What follows is an unusually violent, semi-fantastical drug-fueled nightmare, the wilder details of which may already have reached the viewer via the aforementioned hype.

For all of its outsized sadism and transporting visual effects, MANDY is built on a curious foundation of both aching sincerity and winking irony, and this is where it trips me up. This is easily one of the best movies Nicolas Cage has ever made--and this comes from a dogged Cage apologist. His performance as a man deprived of his friend and lover, an irreplaceable individual with whom he had built a paradise apart from modern life, is brutally convincing. Unfortunately, I have a hard time staying in the moment with him, when Cosmatos won’t let me forget what a consummate nerd he is. At the beginning of the movie, when Cage casually invokes the intergalactic nightmare work of Jack Kirby while lying under the stars? I can deal with that kind of little nod. But like, the already-famous chainsaw duel toward the movie’s climax could probably stand on its own, so I don’t love being forced to think about Dennis Hopper’s similar scene in TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2...which I am, because about a half hour earlier, I was forced to think about Dennis Hopper in BLUE VELVET when MANDY’s drugged out cult leader started screaming for nobody to fucking look at him. The Ralph Bakshi-esque animated sequences are sorta cool, sure, but every time they insert themselves into the movie’s organic flow, I feel like Cosmatos has appeared next to me on my couch and smashed the pause button just to rant about how much he loves HEAVY METAL and WIZARDS. I can figure out how to appreciate most of these dorky interruptions; it’s hard for me to deny the charm of watching a pair of really accomplished actors looking for all the world like they are profoundly moved by the cheapo 1982 alien rampage movie NIGHTBEAST. I also cannot resist the leatherbound appeal of the very cenobyte-esque gimps who are summoned with a special arcane instrument and who thrive on pain. Sure I felt a little jerked off, but...did I mind? Maybe just a little. That said, I don’t think all this flaunting of references is the best thing for a movie that is otherwise so successfully, uniquely tragic.

At this point, the initiated reader may be wondering when I’m going to get around to talking about the real star of MANDY: the irresistible Cheddar Goblin. Brought to you by Casper Kelly, the genius behind the existentially horrifying Adult Swim cult classic TOO MANY COOKS, this film-within-a-film is intended as a grating TV commercial that insultingly snaps the traumatized Cage back to reality at the conclusion of the movie’s soul crushing first half. For better or worse, though, this glimpse of a hypnotizing advertisement for a subpar macaroni and cheese brand is instantly captivating. The idea is to pour salt in our hero’s psychic wounds with this crass commercialism, but the effect on me is that I am briskly seduced away from his plight, my heart carried off in the sinuous neon green talons of this infernal avatar for my favorite garbage food. I could think about Cheddar Goblin all goddamn day...and obviously I hate to kick him out of bed, but his delightful cameo, juxtaposed with the heartbreak of the ongoing plot, just leaves me emotionally scrambled. 

So, on the whole, Panos Cosmatos has successfully crafted a world where I am very happy to spend two hours, which I will certainly visit again and again. I just wish someone who cares about him would sit him down and gently let him know that he doesn’t have to be, you know, such a fucking nerd all the time. It’ll be ok, your movie is very good, you don’t have anything to prove about what an erudite dork you are. Actually, the movie’s non-movie gimmick--that its chapters are loosely construed as a series of imaginary fantasy paperback titles, each with its own excellent logo treatment on intermittent title cards--is really cool, and feels like a natural part of the story, even though it is fairly high concept. It’s all this movie trivia I can do without, as it distracts from all of Mr. Cage’s hard work, and all of Mr. Cosmatos’ legitimate originality, reminding me that I’m watching a movie made by a moviemaker who can’t stop telling me about all of his favorite movies. I’m not saying that I’d like to build a time machine, go back to 1962, and kill Quentin Tarantino’s would-be parents. I’m just saying that there’s a time and a place for all this referentiality, and I wish more directors would realize that that time and place is rapidly shrinking.

***

PS If you would like to know as much as I wanted to know about Cheddar Goblin, please to enjoy this fun oral history of its invention:

https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/mandy-movie-cheddar-goblin-too-many-cooks

As for the “must have merch” it mentions, I am still teetering on the brink of deciding that an authentically branded box of Cheddar Goblin mac and cheese alone is worth $30 to me. Spiritually.

[bluebuckstallion]

kinda ramble-y fic below the cut, includes a metric fuck-ton of angst, macdennis, teen au, drinking, and a Lot of implied abuse/trauma

summary: macs a rebellious 14 year old tht hates the rich, dennis is a dick that really just needs an outlet to share his feelings, theyre sad together

ok no offense but i just...really love the concept of like, teen mac & charlie crashing house parties. them sneaking out of the house together and their late night adventures quickly becoming a blur of adrenaline and laughter as they jus show up at random parties someone down the street is throwing. they show up undetected at the peak of the utter chaos that is teen rebellion, take a shitload of booze, and then ditch just as fast. they go by the train tracks after and get wasted together, drowning out the deafening reality that is their parents dont care enough to notice theyre not at home every night & that life isnt going so well. and for once they can be happy in each others company and have a taste of a childhood they deserved, even if they can only find it at the bottom of a bottle

one night mac goes off by himself, probably because charlie just hasnt been as up to going out. mac has no clue why, the only things charlie’s been sputtering about between drinks every night is his ‘son of a bitch of an uncle’ who moved back in recently. mac doesnt understand and charlie wont give him what he needs to understand it. so mac gives it no second thought. he spots this absolutely huge house in the suburbs. hes never seen something with architecture like this and hell sure as hell never understand how someone can afford so much room, or what its even used for. the yard is donned with blacked out kids he knows from his classes, and the inside of the house is filled with the melody of drunk kids slurring and laughing to party songs.

he decides this is it-this is the one place hell allow himself to go without his best friend. and hell definitely save booze for him. and he wont allow himself to feel guilty for it, he never does anything for himself anyways. he strides in with a nonchalant facade and his best ‘yes-i-definitely-belong-here’ smile from cheek to cheek, waving at classmates that never noticed him before and definitely wont now. which is the only advantage that comes from being the rat, one of the sore losers in the bullshit hierarchy that is high school popularity. nobody will notice when youre taking something right infront of them.

he makes it to the kitchen and finally pieces together who lives here-its the piece of shit he has half his classes with, the word snob as a person, someone he cant help but loathe for his gross elitism. its dennis reynolds. some kid thats really full of himself, someone who helped trademark ‘the rat’ and laughs at mac while hes down. he didnt really mind, its not like he was bullying charlie, and he was strong enough to take the half-assed insults this guy threw at him. it wasnt a big deal.

but here, now-he found dennis in the midst of his own party, alone in the kitchen, half-empty bottle of tequila in tow, and what looked like mascara trailing from his eyes. what a pussy is what he was about to say, but something stopped him. dennis looked at the other boy looming over him and flinched, covering his face instantly. mac was confused, what the hell was he doing that for? when dennis realized he was fine, he instantly tried to revert back to his cool guy defense mode. something compelled mac to crouch down next to him because, well geez, the poor kid was a mess.. and he felt like it humanized him. the urge to steal his things for a taste of a life he never had slowly died down as he said hello to the gracious party host himself. “why-are-you-here”s  were spit out instantly, because dennis didn’t remember inviting some dirty street rat to his party. mac gave a really half-assed excuse, which was all he needed to convince dennis he was supposed to be here, considering all his thoughts were mush from how out of it he was-he never had the opportunity to drink this much on account of his sister beating him to it, or his mom emptying everything after heated arguments with his dad. and although it annoyed him when she was drunk, it was better than falling asleep to the melody of fighting and the threat of an impending divorce.

but anyways, now mac is lost in his eyes and they’re both half a bottle of tequila down, and he isnt sure if hes holding his hand or just dreaming it. and oh god, his eyes are so beautiful and his lips are coated with strawberry chapstick and he wants to kiss them so bad, he wants to keep holding his hand for all of eternity but at the same time he wants to hold his face in his hands and wow he wants to kiss him so bad and to taste the strawberry chapstick and god, hes infatuated. he wants to wipe his tears away and to kiss his rosy cheeks and run his hands through his hair, so bad. and it hits him that hes too deep, what would charlie think of this? falling for the enemy? fuck. but that doesnt matter because all that matters now is the fact hes really hand in hand with someone hes fallen in love with, and all it took was talk of trauma and a bottle of tequila.

theyre no longer on the kitchen floor as theyre giggling hand in hand stumbling up the stairs, leaning on each other and shushing one another as they laugh too hard to smile right and their cheeks are flush and they arent sure if its the drinking or their company. theyre trying to be quiet as they close the door to the twins’ room and dennis tries to lock it with a shaky hand. mac watches him in utter jaw-dropping awe, feeling butterflies fill his stomach and suffocating any insecurity hed ever felt before. this was new to him. but dennis felt it even stronger. hed spent so long building up a wall, hed spent so long listening to his mothers vodka-fueled lectures about never letting yourself fall in love. barbara made him promise hed never do that to himself, it hurt too much she told him. but now he was sitting on the top bunk of his bed with what seemed to be the boy of his dreams, he didnt know he could ever feel this way or honestly feel anything at all, and he was too drunk to feel guilty for it.

hours pass and now mac is laying on his bare chest. dennis has his hands intertwined in his hair and hes taken away by how soft it is when he strokes it. macs never felt a wave of clarity envelop him so softly before. hes at peace. all the droning hum of party music is drowned out. all he can hear is the soft rhythm of their hearts and their cautious breathing, both scared that this still might not be real. macs heart flutters when he realizes dennis’ breathing gets faster as he moves his hand across his chest, and he looks up with half-slit puppy dog eyes that dennis is absolutely in love with. mac opens his mouth to speak, but changes his mind. he doesnt wanna jinx it, hes so scared he wont be able to impress cool kid dennis reynolds, and he doesnt wanna do anything to change this moment. he plays it safe. as he snuggles closer, dennis holds him and macs face is the warmest its ever been, and he buries it in the other boys chest. he doesnt know how to react to this, hes never known how to react to anything but especially nothing like this. his face is even warmer than macs and hes trying so hard to not let him know that he likes him because thats something his mom would be ashamed of. mac falls asleep on his chest, and dennis cant stop playing with his hair.

dennis wakes him up because he knows everything would be ruined if anyone found them together, especially his sister. god knows what she would do. and dennis tries to tell him he should leave, but the words choke him too much to come out when he sees macs adorable face glance up at him. and hes just too shy to say a word.

the next thing they know, dennis pulls him closer and theyre both kissing for the first time, and mac feels wrong. he wants to push him away and he knows he should feel absolutely horrible, he knows god would be disappointed in something like this and hes terrified of the consequences hell get. but he pushes the thoughts away and succumbs to the warmth that surrounds his body. dennis is holding him so gently and neither want to ever move again, and something compels them to stay together. the kiss is only broken by dennis’ nervous laughter, and a smile that he cant hide. and when the boys recollect themselves they start kissing again. they never went further than that, partially because they couldnt get it up this drunk and partially because they were too scared to ruin it, but it was still nice to fall asleep side by side, even if they didnt mean to

mac wakes up to the soft golden smile of the suns rays against the bed, and he vaguely remembers last night. panic sets in like it never has before. hes never stayed somewhere else this late before. what if charlie’s looking for him. what if whoever hes with didnt lock the door and someone saw him. and then he remembers who hes with, and hes terrified. what the hell did he do? he feels tears of shame well up because he knows hes a sinner in gods eyes and hes made the biggest mistake of his life, and oh fuck when he tried to get out from under the covers he woke dennis up. he isnt even half as shocked as mac is, hes calm. hes happy. hes never woke up so peacefully before, and hes grinning. he tries to tell mac good morning but hes rambling under his breath about how wrong this is and hes going to hell, and dennis takes that as a sign he shouldve taken his mothers advice. hes utterly crushed.

mac doesnt even apologize as he leaves, he slips on his boots and gets out as soon as he can despite the wavering tone in dennis’ protests and pleads to stay. he forgets his jacket during the rush. he leaves dennis confused and more scared of opening up than hes ever been, and he doesnt know how to deal with his feelings anymore. mac tries to forget everything. he never tells charlie. he doesnt ever want to look dennis in the eyes again. he never wants to feel that way again, because he went from feeling on top of the world to being ashamed and thinking he knows its wrong. he doesnt tell anyone.

[spicynbachili1]

Review: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

13 years and kicking

After a decade of airing, it takes a really particular mixture of performing, writing and comedic timing to maintain a sitcom going. For many of those reveals, there appears to be a selected season you possibly can level to the place the standard went on a downward development. Someway, It’s At all times Sunny in Philadelphia has prevented that.

That isn’t to say the more moderen seasons are higher (they clearly aren’t), however the performing from every essential forged member has improved and the boundaries of acceptable comedy have constantly been pushed. You’ll by no means have the ability to accuse It’s At all times Sunny of dumbing right down to the present political local weather. Nonetheless, the present has remained humorous regardless of some missteps and is routinely fulfilling for its darkish inversion of ordinary sitcom tropes.

With season 13, although, the present teeters backwards and forwards between feeling drained and being outrageously daring.

It is At all times Sunny In Philadelphia (Season 13) Director: Varied Ranking: TV-MA Finale Launch Date: November 7, 2018 (FXX)

To shortly get you up to the mark, on the finish of season 12 Dennis (Glenn Howerton) left the gang to be together with his estranged household and begin a brand new life. He was bored with the identical crap on a regular basis and needed to take away himself from the equation. The behind the scenes purpose for this was that Howerton took a depart for inventive and private causes, but it surely was the primary time in a few years the place you couldn’t be so positive what would occur subsequent.

The primary episode instantly addresses this and even pokes enjoyable at the truth that the gang is caught of their identical routine. We get a grotesque model of Dennis as a intercourse doll, a humorous cameo from Mindy Kaling as a possible alternative for Dennis and a few bizarre, perverted perception into how Mac feels about his longtime pal. It then culminates in a twist everybody noticed coming, however one that’s nonetheless pulled off with wonderful performing.

That performing is one thing that I began to note fairly a bit in season 11. After so a few years of portraying these characters, everybody has come to embody the horrible traits of their respective roles. Howerton can placed on a demented scowl on the drop of a hat, Charlie Day is ideal for the schizophrenic insanity that Charlie routinely reveals and Kaitlin Olson seems each threatening and determined when the instances requires it. Even Danny DeVito manages to dwell as much as the severely excessive expectations of Frank by changing into crazier and crazier because the years go on.

They fortunately have prevented the trope of “Flanderization,” which is a time period popularized by how The Simpsons slowly stripped away different persona quirks over time. There are actually episodes to play to particular parts of every essential character’s persona, however It’s At all times Sunny has multi-faceted jackasses as its leads and it really works all the higher for it.

We get to see loads of these angles in season 13, which options a number of episodes that may very well be thought-about sequence standouts. The mid-season episode “Time’s Up For the Gang” is an excellent lampooning of the MeToo tradition that brings concerning the absolute worst in everybody. Frank is strolling round like a panicked mess, Charlie is coming to phrases with the a number of sexual traumas he’s endured and even Dee can’t escape claims of sexual harassment due to her gender. It constantly ups the ante with reference to timing, setups for its jokes and even the ultimate reveal that’s so darkly twisted, you simply have to face up and clap.

That doesn’t imply there aren’t episodes that really feel like filler, nevertheless. The third episode of the season is a jab on the “All Feminine Reboots” we’ve seen loads of in Hollywood currently, however doesn’t actually go wherever. It repeats the setup of “The Gang Beats Boggs” from season 10 and excludes the male members of the forged, however then simply continues on like regular. That’s fantastic and dandy as the ladies from It’s At all times Sunny are simply as deplorable as the lads, however it will possibly’t assist however really feel like a retread of previous jokes.

There may be even a stab at satirizing the outdated trope of clip reveals that falls a bit flat. For a present like It’s At all times Sunny that’s consistently subverting outdated and boring sitcom tropes, simply the title of the episode “The Gang Does a Clip Present” clues you into the truth that one thing is amiss from the start. It then wastes half of its runtime being an precise clip present earlier than moving into for the joke with no time to understand a punchline. It actually is amusing however looks like a missed alternative.

I can say that about loads of the episodes. Whereas watching them, I chuckled a bit and was entertained, however the actual pleasure got here to after I was explaining them to my pal. The concepts are ridiculously humorous on paper, however simply don’t actually work out in observe.

I even have to handle that Dennis isn’t current in 40% of the season. I do know there was extra to it than merely scheduling conflicts, however how he’s written off in a number of episodes does really feel lazy. Him being anxious in a small automobile, for instance, doesn’t actually slot in with the character. Placing an episode up to now can also be not a intelligent method of working round Dennis’ absence because it then begins to muddle up the present timeline of episodes.

For probably the most half, although, this can be a fairly typical season of It’s At all times Sunny with one stunningly humorous episode. Then you definately get to the season finale. I’m really at a loss for easy methods to describe it as a result of I’m nonetheless reeling after watching it a number of days in the past. It is likely one of the bravest items of tv I’ve seen in a very long time and can seemingly go down as one of many sequence greatest episodes full cease. The episode, titled “Mac Finds His Pleasure,” takes a deeper look into Mac’s function throughout the gang and the way the opposite characters understand him, however then eschews the standard formulation for one thing else completely.

For a present in its thirteenth season to fully flooring me is uncommon. That isn’t even to say that the entire thing is sensible, as a result of the start drags a bit. It goes in a single course by specializing in Frank and having him spout some insanely insensitive feedback earlier than honing in on Mac and attending to the basis of his closeted homosexuality for all these previous years. It’s revealing, lovely, effectively shot, expertly directed and showcases a uncommon sentimentality that I didn’t suppose was attainable from these characters.

It even in some way manages to tug in seemingly offhand jokes about Mac from earlier episodes. It was a season lengthy setup the entire time and I’m totally satisfied the intervals of samey jokes or rushed closers have been all to mislead the viewer for this remaining episode. You go in anticipating drained homosexual jokes and are available out with a brand new appreciation for each Mac and Frank. I simply don’t even know the way that’s attainable.

It doesn’t erase my criticisms of earlier episodes within the season, but it surely does depart me extremely excited for no matter season 14 has in retailer. With season 12’s nearer, it was fairly apparent that Dennis wouldn’t be exiting the present. He has been there because the starting and eradicating him fully is only a unhealthy concept. With season 13’s ending, although, loads might probably change sooner or later.

I doubt we’ll see a reformation from the Gang into precise good folks, however attainable explanations for his or her scummy habits might make for a present that will get us to look at our personal crappy behaviors. I can’t imagine I’m probably going to psycho-analyze It’s At all times Sunny in Philadelphia, however something appears attainable now.

General, this has been one of many higher seasons in a very long time. It isn’t an prompt traditional or something, but it surely comprises a few of the greatest performing and boldest makes an attempt at humor from the Gang in ages. I used to be getting just a little drained after final season, however now I’m satisfied this present wants to remain on the air. Right here’s to the longer term!

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      It is At all times Sunny in Philadelphia – Season 13 reviewed by Peter Glagowski

7

GOOD

Strong and undoubtedly has an viewers. There may very well be some hard-to-ignore faults, however the expertise is enjoyable. How we rating:  The destructoid critiques information

        from SpicyNBAChili.com http://spicymoviechili.spicynbachili.com/review-its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia/

[globrights]

iasip s11 rated by macdennis content

Chardee MacDennis 2: Electric Boogaloo: This episode gets a point right off the bat just by having the word MacDennis in it, but that’s mostly it. Mac and Dennis do stand next to each other when they’re playing the video that (badly) explains their game though, so that’s something, and they sit next to each other during the first card drawing in Level One (Mind). They then stand next to each other again when drinking Frank’s “laxatives”, and right before Charlie has to get berated by The Waitress (you can tell how hard I’m reaching here this episode was practically barren). Mac and Dennis also suck at clay charades, between Mac making a penis-looking “cupid’s arrow” and Dennis making a “woman’s head in a freezer” to represent the concept of love, it really does make one wonder what a disaster it would be if they were to partner up for the game. 3.5/10

Frank Falls Out the Window: Mac and Dennis are sat next to each other drinking beers as they debate over who came up with the chicken feather and steaks airline miles scheme with Dee, but they split up after that, and there’s really nothing much to look into here. 2/10

The Gang Hits the Slopes: Clad in full ski gear, Mac and Dennis are stood next to each other right before they take off down the mountain. Mac’s competency at skiing leads one to believe that he accompanies Dennis on skiing trips a lot. After this, Mac and Dennis split up for the whole episode, but after Dennis breaks both his ankles, Mac (along with Dee) drag Dennis off the mountain so he can see a doctor. Yeah, tears are rolling down my cheeks at the thought of this. 3/10

Dee Made a Smut Film: After debating why Richard Grieco would make a smut film, what should be considered art, and telling Charlie not to eat chalk, eh... 1.5/10

Mac & Dennis Move to the Suburbs: Now we’re talking. Now we’re fucking talking bitch! This... this is where it’s at. We can’t get into it all, there’s no time. Mac and Dennis wear bathrobes, sit on Dee’s couch and discuss new apartments like a cozy little couple, and then they move to the fucking suburbs, because the idea of not living together is apparently so absurd that they’re willing to move an hour! Away from the city! Just to live together in a place that fills up “all of their needs for under $1500 a month”. After infesting Dee’s apartment with ringworm, they leave for a cute huge house in suburbia, where... their life slowly turns to shit. It’s a lot to get into, but the reason why it doesn’t work out for long is because Mac and Dennis force themselves into Traditional Married Couple roles, with Mac staying home most of the time instead of going to the bar to work and hang out with Dennis, when really they should’ve just continued doing everything together, like they did, like they do, and like they will. Because despite nearly murdering each other, Mac and Dennis still continue to live together after they move back out of the suburbs. Essentially, their lives are just one big everlasting hangout session with each other, shuffling through different locations to change things up. What a bunch of codependent losers. 11/10

Being Frank: “I’m too strong, I’m sorry Dennis.” god damn it. This episode was from the perspective of Frank (duh), but we also got Mac being insecure about his bond with Dennis. “Hey Frank, do you think that Dennis hates me? I just want him to think that I’m cool, y’know, (...) Honestly, I just feel like, I put so much of our heart and soul into our relationship...” 6.5/10

McPoyle vs. Ponderosa: The Trial of the Century: Mac and Dennis sit together in court, because they’re just that extra. They also both raise their thumbs up at the judge when he bangs the gavel because they have the maturity of eight year olds! 4.5/10

Charlie Catches a Leprechaun: “You see, I went to The Rainbow to look for a pot of gold-” “The gay bar??????????” 4/10

The Gang Goes to Hell: Dennis claps his hand on Mac’s shoulder as a sort of goodbye thing as Mac leaves for bible study, and then when the cruise jerks Dennis reaches out for and grabs onto Mac—was he trying to make sure Mac didn’t get hurt? Maybe, but the fact that his hand lingered and that he had his eyes on Mac for at least a good few seconds after things stabilized is telling. 6/10

The Gang Goes to Hell: Part Two: Oh boy. Where to even begin. Mac hosts a pretend dinner party in a house that he and Dennis live in (Dennis complains, “why is it our house???” even though he’s been living with Mac for twenty years), Mac doesn’t want to be forced to imagine a woman with boobs, and Dennis AGREES WITH HIM, the whole affair’s very gay and Dennis makes it gayer even though Mac’s the one who just came out. “Yes! A human pyramid! Now, Mac, you and I will be the bottoms-” “Why? ‘cause I’m gay?” and everything that follows which basically settles that Mac will top Dennis when they bone. Dennis ripped up all of the letters Luther sent Mac from prison to “protect you, and me”, and cries (he uses an onion, and gets caught, but still) so that Mac forgives him. Mac and Dennis hold hands underwater and give each other meaningful looks and nods when they think they’re about to drown to death but kick and punch at each other to try and basically compete to get rescued first once help arrives. They’re a real mixed bag of a duo, but we love them for it. 8/10

[trashangel-dee]

what would chardee's kid look like? if they were to have one. what would they act like? how would they raise them? idk I'm just curious what people would think

Apparently I have a lot of thoughts on this, so it’s going to be kind of a jumbled ranty/ gushy mess. And maybe a little inconsistent. But this is giving me a lot of feelings, okay?

I’m gonna use she/her pronouns but I don’t feel like it would make much of a difference in boy or girl. (though I lean a little more towards girl because there’s so much “guy energy” that a girl would throw them off, and be an initial shock of ‘wtf do we do with a girl?’.)

I feel like the baby would have Charlie’s (dark) messy hair, that just fluffs all over as a baby and somehow always stays kind of messy as she gets older no matter how much they try to style it. She has blue eyes like Dee (and Dennis, and the similarity is what really what makes Dennis first feel a connection). I feel like the kid would be kind of small, too? Because Dee is thin and Charlie is kind of short, so it just accumulates into this compact little person. She’s tough though.

She definitely inherits Charlie’s music ability. One time when the baby was a newborn and crying and fussy, Charlie just sat down at the keyboard and hit a few seemingly random notes before pulling out a perfect rendition of Lullaby. It instantly calms the baby and Dee is kind of surprised and *heart eyes*. He probably writes her some songs, too.

They also fall into the tradition of Charlie and Mac taking her to the park to play catch. And Dee and Dennis take her to a manicure place and get their nails done, and she just loves spending those special times/trips with her parents and uncles.

Dee tells Charlie one night when he shows up at her apt, because Frank has a hooker over or something. He crawls into bed with her, and it’s kind of the comfortable silence, and it’s not like she planned to tell him, but she can’t keep it in and just whispers “I’m pregnant” 

Dennis kind of guesses by joke when they’re hanging at Paddy’s alone, and goes to open some beers for them and Dee refuses one. And he’s being sarcastic and kind of trying to piss her off some maybe, and laughs “what happened? Charlie finally knock you up?” and  she gives him a look and it’s kind of a ‘holy shit’ moment.

Frank is actually excited when they break the news. He tried to bond with the twins before, and kind of be a better father and he’s happy to start fresh with a brand new person. He calls himself Grandpa Frankie.

Charlie’s mom is just over the moon. And “look at the two of you! this baby is going to be so beautiful.” 

Charlie actually likes some of the weird pregnancy craving combos, and permanently incorporates them into his regular diet. He also finds Dee crying at some cheesy tv commercial and wants to laugh at her, but it’s so unusual that it’s a little scary.

Mac & Dennis switch apartments with Dee (& Charlie now, too). And Mac and Dennis move into the one bedroom, so Charlie, Dee, and the baby can have the two bedroom.

The baby is born around 2 AM, about the same time as last call.

Dee feels so happy, and maybe a little emotional, to have someone love her unconditionally. She never forgets that moment when the baby does one of those little half hugs and leans into her neck for the first time.

Mac is really excited and surprised when the baby says “Mac” for the first time and Charlie’s like “well, yeah, dude. you’re the uncle”

Charlie can’t read her bedtime stories, but he makes up some great ones, and she loves those more than books.

She watches Dennis put on makeup one day and he agrees to put some on her, which makes Dee kind of mad because “it’s gonna be a bitch to get makeup off a 5 year old” but she’s happy they bonded.

(I also saw somewhere about twins because the chances are increased. I feel like if that happened Dennis would first refer to them as “the boy” and “the girl” because it’s such a strange concept and he’a kind of keeping his distance, but it eventually becomes a term of endearment)

tl;dr- Charlie’s hair. Dee’s eyes. Freckles. They would be fun parents.The whole gang becomes super involved. 

-Months later addition I just thought of:

I can see some Juno type moments happening. At some point Dee definitely says “this thing makes me pee like Seabiscuit”

When she starts getting really big at the end, “popping overnight” as they said about Rob for Fat Mac, she comes into the bar one day and Dennis is like “woah Sweet Dee!” and before she can get mad for him calling her fat, he’s like “I didn’t know Charlie had it in him” (she agrees)

Charlie loves doing that thing where you dangle something (like keys) in front of the baby and they grab for it. It’s fine and all but Dee always gets a little upset when he thinks it’s so fun because “it’s like she’s a cat!”

Back on the twins thing- it’s movie night. Dee’s really far along, and big and uncomfortable, maybe eating extra popcorn. One of the guys calls her fat or lazy, and she snaps “I’ve got two people inside me!” to which Dennis starts to respond, “it’s not the first time she’s had two-” before getting elbowed hard in the ribs.