#like i know its not that simple lol
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The total number of visits Tumblr.com received during January 2021 is 327 million.
Text
In and out of constant crisis... to be expected. Its brutal. SO brutal.
There's a line though, where it is either pain being released and parts processing.. or just retraumatising. And the difference between what makes it one or the other can be so small! And usually to do with if we feel alone or not, connected to S or not, allowed to reach out or not.
Yet we are seeing we survive each time? And it passes. Same with S... we reconnect each time. She doesn't leave.
Today we made a huge leap! An email she sent landed badly. A part wrote a reply, not meanly at all (we never do that and are proud of our ability to communicate these days), but saying how it felt and how upset. But we didn't send... because we knew it wouldn't help. Its how they felt and it was real and valid. But she'd likely feel more defeated and stressed, then we'd feel more disconnected, and the same old cycle. (Also, we figured even IF it was intended how it felt.. we no longer beg for people to understand or care, and that has to be true for her too.) So we didn't send, and instead chose to trust our overall relationship instead of these moments and details.. and just turn up today as unguarded as humanly possible. Which was still hugely guarded lol.
It was SO hard to do. But I am so proud of us. And it went so well. It allowed us both to connect so much quicker and easier and see we are on the same side. We didn't hug her straight away like normal and just hid ourselves not looking at her, but as she started talking and we could hear there weren't bad intentions, we managed to lift a finger up and she reached for it and held our hand. And we were SO proud of us in that moment. It doesn't seem big. But for us it is huge. To be able to reach for connection without going through every detail of what hurt, ask a lot of questions, pick it all through, stay in defense... instead we just listened to how it felt right in that moment. And it allowed us to connect quicker. We made a new choice and it paid off.
She made a comment about us seeming to not want to be there, possibly hating her (kind of jokingly) and we realised that's how it may seem.. like to us it is OBVIOUS we never hate her, always want her. But then to her it is obvious how much she cares etc, and that doesn't mean we always see it. It softened so many protective parts and we looked up and we both smiled and we said of course we don't. It's just all painful. But the pain isn't from her, it's everything before her. And then cuddled in to her. It was so simple in that moment. We are on the same side.
And the whole session was so connecting and simple. Despite the fact we never talked through what happened earlier in the week really.. and despite it being one of the last sessions. It was just simple. The ending of therapy is terrifying but also helping us let go of details and see the big picture. She's SO on our side. We aren't on opposite sides. She's fighting a whole system for us. She's paying for her specialised supervisor she got just for us, even after we arent a client, to help us both through this transition and to help us fight the system as she's a very high up contact. She is thinking everything about this transition through so she doesnt rush things or make mistakes others did. She cares so much. So yeah, she's not perfect, she misses the mark, and she can't be everything we wish she could. But she is a human who wants us in her life and cares deeply and is fighting to get us the right support. We can get lost in all the pain or we can look at how lucky we are to have her.
#s#pls let us remember this#pleaseee can we all stay in this reality more#but honestly! choosing to not pick apart hurts and know that the intentions werent harmful.... so BIG#ofc theres a balance because we cant just let people harm us from good intentions#like k#but looking at the big picture and seeing what really matters#the big picture with k was a lot of harm amongst the love for example#the big picture with s is so much support and care and some mistakes and hurt because we are both human#we could spend the times we have with her pulling apart those mistakes or missings#or we could spend the time feeling connected#like i know its not that simple lol#we never felt we had a choice before#but right now we do!!!!!!#we saw the choice and made it and it was so much better#we need as much comfort and connection and joy as possible right now#and that means maybe just letting some things go#maybe its okay to let mistakes and missings go in safe relationships#maybe shes not going anywhere so if we feel the need to bring something up down the line we can#!!!!#maybe theres no urgency#maybe we can let things go and see how it feels#and if they cant be fully let go we can bring it up at another time#because maybe there is time and space and ????#wild
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
the sunset star quilt 🌟🌄💛 pattern by me, both machine and hand pieced, and machine quilted.
#look at herrrrrrr#approx like. three ish weeks i guess. ignoring the two month break i just took#‘pattern by me’ as if this pattern is anything new. its just a simple star motif yes lol#yes i know its the most wrinkled and weirdest tension ever i no longer care#sewing#quilting#my art
162 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy Passenger Release Day Anniversary !!!
#GOD this is such a simple edit when i remember how to make it lol but here it is my gift to the movie thats giving me mental illness#the passenger edit#the passenger 2023#the passenger#randy bradley#benson#kyle gallner#johnny berchtold#passengeredit#if its not synced blam tumblr okay you also i think can like scroll up and down and itll work#i cant tell if its too fast but this is just like my old one and that one was fine i think#also im a day late i know shhhh
300 notes
·
View notes
Text
I like to think that hoshina IS flirty with Kafka but in a very... Hoshina way.
He's not like "OMG let's compare hand sizes teehee" he's like "DAMN Kafka why are your hands so damn huge. Big meaty claws lol" and that's just His Way of doing the same thing cus he's a fucking goofball, and it WORKS cus Kafka is a goofball too!!! He speaks fluent goofball!!!
#kafhoshi#hoshikaf#like i can imagine him being flirty but only in a kinda silly goofy way.#hes also probably assuming nobody realizes its flirting cus hes acting jokey and goofy about it but they know... they know...#i mean kafka would definitely be like ''i cant really tell if hes actually interested or just joking around like usual'' but that's mostly#cus of his own self image issues#he kinda cant believe that hoshina would ever be interesting in a loser like him (hes wrong. hoshina likes him *because* hes a loser.)#but also Kafka isnt a loser anyway he just thinks of himself that way#but like... hoshina canonically likes ''simple guys'' its on his character profile (lol man liker) and kafka is exactly that!!!#hes a simple and honest guy... hes not complicated... you always know where you stand with him and can trust him implicitly...#and hoshina likes that about him.. like a lot... a lot a lot. hes like kinda into it
149 notes
·
View notes
Text
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 3#yakuza series#yakuza 3#yoshitaka mine#snap sketches#its a new month you know what that means !!!!!!! time to. immediately draw mine too bad my ass forget how to draw him#but im a simple man i watch a movie and see an outfit i think would look good on mine I Draw It On Mine#do i make a matching daigo ..... there was another outfit i really liked that he could look cute in ...#that is to be decided at. Whatever Point i decide that LOL#if not then see you all next month byyyyeee !!!!!!!
143 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems
#sketchbook#scrapbook#Actually I feel like these are kind of incomprehensible in photo form like.. In person holding the book its easy to look at#but as images on this scale I feel like there's so much tiny little text and small scribles and stuff you'd have to 'right click > open#image in new browser tab > zoom in' just to actually really see the thing. which for 7 images is excessive lol.. so. probably not the best#medium for sharing really but. I suppose I thought they might look cooler lined up next to each other. The whole part of using a#limited color palette is so that maybe they kind of seem to have more consistent color schemes or something throughout. but I dont#know if they look all that 'related' or not. I think these types of challenges I have always sucked at because I am a being of clutter and#excess. I can't just do like one little simple nice looking design and have that Crisp Neat calligraphy with evenhanded perfect lines#and perfect symmetical composition and etc. etc. Like some poeple post very aesthetically clean and cohesive looking sketch#pages or something but I simply cannot hold back the brain impulse to add more. more. more. Fill every single blank space with color#or a little drawing or a sticker or something. I take away 500 things and there are still a million there. Even when I thik I'm being#'simplistic' I'm still usually being 2x more complicated and cluttered than the standard or whatever lol. I guess thats clear from my#outfits/costumes though too. Like whatever that saying is from that person about something like 'before you leave the house take off one#more accessory. you dont need it' for me is like.. 'before you leave the house. add 10 more accessories. and 6 more layers. and another'#AAANyway. I wonder if also maybe some people would try to plan theirs in a way to look good or something or like.. plot things on the page#before placing them. I did sometimes have a theme for a day kind of (like day 10 I ended up finding a few gold and green things and then#was like.. hey... what if I looked for a few other things and only used these colors today') but aside from that I was just slapping down#stickers randomly and working around them to fill the page. Maybe a lot of neat minimalistic asthetic design is about planning and#having a Vision set ahead of time. instead of just complete random whatever. doodling whilst watching youtube videos or eating lunch. It's#a miracle actually I've managed to not spill any food on the book the whole time. anyway.. I do wish the highlighter really showed up. the#scanner kind of makes the colors look VERY different to irl. But also it got much clearer images than just camera pictures of pages. alas..#..Still oddly enjoy the phrase 'Salisbury Steak gently kissed with industrial pollutants'#probably my favorite section of 'gluing random papers and things onto the page' lol#Also I wonder if it's super obvious that I literally never ever use references when I draw (save for the few freakish looking youtube#face sketches) since everyone is always in the same positions and looking very similar ghhb. This could have been a good opportunity to#work on not solely drawing from my mind and try to do more Dynamic Experimental scribbles. NO. Same exact eye for the 90th time#be upon ye. But I guess it was meant to be casual 'daily doodles'. True 'practice' would make it seem too effortful like a full project. hm#(lol the one decimated pencil in the set... never hand me a writing utensil. i will passively destroy it somehow. shaving the sides of a#pencil off with a knife or snapping a pen in half as a nervous fidget without even realizing i've done it. sorry to the drawing implements)
75 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cute ideas from @hydraposeidon
#nine sols#i know i said that i want to get a few more drawings out before i post these to bundle them up#but i CHANGED MY MIND i got scared. and decided i want to beat the game before i start spinning things around too much actually#lol you can see me learn the power of a gradient overlay in real time by looking at these#its so funny to me to be swapping between 九日 and isat and sekiro fanart where like.#2 of those have very very simple clean character designs. and one of those is detail city in comparison#so like going from sekiro to one of the other two is like 'okay i have a drawing planned so im gonna set aside a couple hours- oh its done'#hence the gradient overlays. im like surely? i need to be doing more??#and going from 九日 or isat to sekiro is like getting electrocuted
161 notes
·
View notes
Text
finalized my curator design FINALLY. she is here now :-)
(these arent actually her pajamas btw. i just thought the idea was funny hehe)
#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tspud#tsp#crows art#the narrator#the curator#stanley#unlike the narrator her mask doesnt emote! just stays still. well unless i think its funny to make it otherwise lol#ended up with the simple look for her design in the end#think i made the right choice :-) hopefully lol#i know her size changes a lot in these images but she is always at least taller than the rest#any limbs she conjures are all statues and unmoving like her face
440 notes
·
View notes
Text
two new pals shopping for sandaconda cosplay a sync suit :]
#art#pokemon swsh#pokemon sword and shield#pkmn swsh#pkmn sword and shield#pokemon masters#pokemas#pokemon masters ex#adaman#pokemon adaman#clan leader adaman#gym leader raihan#(i didn't know adaman's tags hhaha---)#poke's doodles#i managed to complete another doodle for the event lol#though uh i finished this one a tad bit more oops-#(its the fav character bias im sorry - im a simple fool)#i could have drawn rai wearing the sync outfit but--- i just liked the fact that they went shopping together--#i may draw the actual outfit at some point though-#anyways! this event was a big win for me! adaman (one of my fav designs from legends arceus-) and raihan (fav guy ever) in one event!#becoming pals! truly the event of all time#also is this and poppy's outfit one of the few sync costumes specifically stated to not be tailored to match the pokemon..?#all the other sync suits are made or given to the trainer specifically to match but-#in this event the clothes are bought from a store (and clearly influenced by sandaconda's pattern) and poppy is just given hers by someone#(though poppy's outfit was likely still tailored - just not for the pokemon specifically)#this makes me think that the clothing stores in pasio are great fun to look through lol#people must have fun making their own sync pair outfits to match their pokemon all the time-
49 notes
·
View notes
Note
I love 2p japan
CHINA: 日本さえ恋がしたいということ、考えられないことではないねぇ。(It’s not unthinkable that even Japan would want love, right?)
JAPAN: 闭嘴。(Shut up.)
#hetalia#hws china#hws japan#aph china#aph japan#2ptalia#2p hetalia#china speaking in japanese just to make japan mad so japan responds in chinese just to retaliate LOL#as always please let me know if theres any errors with the translations! with regards to japanese esp since i always want to improve it.#i am totally lost with chinese however so i am forced to rely on short simple phrases that are easily verified... such as shut up.#and its always so fun to read about other languages. like apparently italians dont use many acronyms#and korean has a tendency to just drop pronouns and make you infer the subject... according to my bro who is studying it currently.#ENOUGH ABOUT REAL COUNTRIES LETS TALK ABOUT HETALIA !!!#with regards to china... i really want to make him kind of floaty strange offputting... hes so old and hes seen so much...#a mix between 'ive seen so much it doesnt matter' and 'you never really go numb'...#but hes also silly and a little volatile...#yeah hes smiling but inside hes [GLASS SHATTERING SFX] What was that..#china isnt well elaborated upon even in canon so im excited to put him thru the wringer here...#he should constantly have a smile and dead eyes. ouo <-- like this#hes so old you guys hes so tired.#anonymous#2p china#2p japan#ask
74 notes
·
View notes
Text
its maid day so heres a little falkler! 🍨 + speedpaint !
#signalis#signalis falke#signalis adler#maid day#AHHH i had to much fun w dis..... i got to draw a little parfait so im happy....#i promised myself that i wouldnt miss maid day this year (i actually almost missed it because i completely forgot that it was maid day LOL)#BUT WEVE PULLED THROUGH!!!#honestly though this was a bit troublesome because i didnt exactly know what i wanted to do w the colors . originally i tried to do some Ac#-tual Rendering(tm) but i just . couldnt#my hand was startin to hurt itd been like 3ish hours already was just wuheurheuweiuweeruwuwe#im really glad i went for flat colors tho i think it fits real well :)#U can tell i got real fancy w dis oen cause i pulled out the watercolor overlay#yknow actually its been a pretty big goal of mine to use more decorative brushes in my art; just little things to add to the background so#hat it isnt just purley white with a bit o lace#of course simple goes a long way but idk i wanna add some pizzazz!#myth.art
69 notes
·
View notes
Text
Legit my only complaint about Sonic 3 is that they didn't do a callback joke to Sonic calling Keanu a national treasure with him now voicing Shadow.
#sonic#sonic movie 3#Only complaint#Lmaoo#I'm a very simple person i know-#Like- ok I'm sure there's plenty out there who can genuinely point out stuff and give actual criticism-#(I'm not counting for listening to anyone who doesn't like it just because they don't like the movies idc)#But i am not one of those people lol#This movie made me so extremely happy and that's it for me#Also i would like to headcanon Sonic does hear Keanu in Shadow's voice#He just doesn't speak up about it cause it'll get him flustered or whatever#Its the sonadow brainrot
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
i realized they had the same birthday (dec 21st) so i was like "yoooo i should draw them together"
silly bonus:
#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#utau#utauloid fanart#utau fanart#根音ネネ#nene nene#nene nene utau#oliver vocaloid#oliver vocatone#oliver maghni ai#i guess??? because that's his maghni ai design? chose it for fun and for color/composition purposes ig (slightly more yellow? and details)#don't know how to tag this... and since yuki only appears in the bonus doodle idk if i should really tag her#i don't actually know if oliver would be scared of nene or not aksjhgk that little guy doesnt seem scared by most things#but i just thought it would make for a funny side doodle so thats why its there lol#potential successor to the kagamines/iku doodle? in a way maybe... i should find more vsynths that share bdays and draw them together#fun fun fun... ofc its not the exact same day and year like tho iku and the kagamines tho (which is crazy); nene came out in 2009#but ya. showing penance in some way because i was too depressed to draw anything for oliver's bday last year lmao 😭 im sorry my boy#i mean i did do that shitty short meme video which i almost completely forgot abt but that doesnt counttt im talking art piece#this piece was gonna look way more different originally but i couldn't get it to look right so i went for something simpler#cause i was running out of time... and also experimented a little since this one's weird in that i did the colors first rather than lines#then did lines based on the colors and cleaned up the coloring after. and i was gonna add some more stuff to bg but got tired rip#so yeah maybe its a bit simple for my liking but im too tired to redo this again. i had to resize it bc i accidentally made og file huge#and it just wouldnt upload to tumblr lmaoo so apologies if the quality got crunched#IVE BEEN WAITING ALL FUCKING DAY TO POST THIS AND THE OTHER SHIT HAHAHAHEH... i couldve scheduled them but NOOo... oliver day
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
I didn’t notice I dressed Sofia up like her brother, but its a lab coat instead of a trench…
I forgot to post this yesterday but I got too stressed out, and shut down etc etc.
#anyways look at the cat people look at the colorful cat people *jingles keys*#i know its not perfect I’m litcherally just having fun so I don’t have an anuerysm at this rate#katpurrccinocs#i mean if i took my life the only thing anyone would be missing would be the occassional drawing of my ocs like this#it would just simply be a better place if I was gone. There is no real loss here lol#i give up respectfully on my life. im not gonna survive what the status quo wants. its as simple as that.#im tired of living in fear. pain. cant even think or breathe because of pain. cant even afford to eat#i just dont even care if i die
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's not so much that I object to this potential blind date boy. I haven't said yes because im NERVOUS and my heart is SORE
#literally so tired of boy drama in my life ngl but i want to give it a shot! but im scared.#that is where we are. sigh#also i knowwww its not technically a rebound (after the not-talking phase of the past little while LOL#dont you love it when u meet someone wonderful who has such an ardent love for God and READS and loves the inklings#and is so kind and warm and lovely. and the talking turns out to be simple friendliness because this boy already has a girlfriend. anyway#i will delete this later i am just frazzled and confused abt my heart#i do not LOVE the lewis boy but it stung and im not fully recovered. is it unfair to go on a blind date#not having moved past the lewis boy disappointment? i feel like such a little kid not knowing how to deal with this
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
the fact that i immediately landed an awesome job right out from graduation but then got covid in august and now my brain doesn't work right and i might lose my job because of it . there's a funny joke in here somewhere maybe
#txt#haha. like. how lucky was i to get this job. and unlucky to get sick and have my brain fucked over#also a loss of time perception. time does not move for me it feels like 7am still and its 10am#i feel like i got lobotomized. brainfog and much less of a filter of what i say/do and fatigue etc#shortness of breath when im stressed too. fucking annoying#i keep fucking up on the simplest tasks at work. literally filled out a simple form wrong that i've been doing right since day 1#and my supervisor is patient and i tried explaining brainfog but idt she takes it seriously and she gets more annoyed the more i screw up#and like. i need this job!!!!!!!!!!! it pays disgustingly well!!!!!! but if i cant do simple tasks right anymore then what am i even doing#ive had this stuff since late august but its so much worse suddenly and i dont know why :((#to be deleted /#<- if i can even remember i made this post at all LOL someone shoot me
21 notes
·
View notes