#like i know its not that simple lol

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

In and out of constant crisis... to be expected. Its brutal. SO brutal.

There's a line though, where it is either pain being released and parts processing.. or just retraumatising. And the difference between what makes it one or the other can be so small! And usually to do with if we feel alone or not, connected to S or not, allowed to reach out or not.

Yet we are seeing we survive each time? And it passes. Same with S... we reconnect each time. She doesn't leave.

Today we made a huge leap! An email she sent landed badly. A part wrote a reply, not meanly at all (we never do that and are proud of our ability to communicate these days), but saying how it felt and how upset. But we didn't send... because we knew it wouldn't help. Its how they felt and it was real and valid. But she'd likely feel more defeated and stressed, then we'd feel more disconnected, and the same old cycle. (Also, we figured even IF it was intended how it felt.. we no longer beg for people to understand or care, and that has to be true for her too.) So we didn't send, and instead chose to trust our overall relationship instead of these moments and details.. and just turn up today as unguarded as humanly possible. Which was still hugely guarded lol.

It was SO hard to do. But I am so proud of us. And it went so well. It allowed us both to connect so much quicker and easier and see we are on the same side. We didn't hug her straight away like normal and just hid ourselves not looking at her, but as she started talking and we could hear there weren't bad intentions, we managed to lift a finger up and she reached for it and held our hand. And we were SO proud of us in that moment. It doesn't seem big. But for us it is huge. To be able to reach for connection without going through every detail of what hurt, ask a lot of questions, pick it all through, stay in defense... instead we just listened to how it felt right in that moment. And it allowed us to connect quicker. We made a new choice and it paid off.

She made a comment about us seeming to not want to be there, possibly hating her (kind of jokingly) and we realised that's how it may seem.. like to us it is OBVIOUS we never hate her, always want her. But then to her it is obvious how much she cares etc, and that doesn't mean we always see it. It softened so many protective parts and we looked up and we both smiled and we said of course we don't. It's just all painful. But the pain isn't from her, it's everything before her. And then cuddled in to her. It was so simple in that moment. We are on the same side.

And the whole session was so connecting and simple. Despite the fact we never talked through what happened earlier in the week really.. and despite it being one of the last sessions. It was just simple. The ending of therapy is terrifying but also helping us let go of details and see the big picture. She's SO on our side. We aren't on opposite sides. She's fighting a whole system for us. She's paying for her specialised supervisor she got just for us, even after we arent a client, to help us both through this transition and to help us fight the system as she's a very high up contact. She is thinking everything about this transition through so she doesnt rush things or make mistakes others did. She cares so much. So yeah, she's not perfect, she misses the mark, and she can't be everything we wish she could. But she is a human who wants us in her life and cares deeply and is fighting to get us the right support. We can get lost in all the pain or we can look at how lucky we are to have her.

[muirneach]

the sunset star quilt 🌟🌄💛 pattern by me, both machine and hand pieced, and machine quilted.

[mynameis-veryfuckingconfused]

Happy Passenger Release Day Anniversary !!!

[todayisafridaynight]

[tiabwwtws-art]

Cute ideas from @hydraposeidon

[squuote]

finalized my curator design FINALLY. she is here now :-)

(these arent actually her pajamas btw. i just thought the idea was funny hehe)

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

I like to think that hoshina IS flirty with Kafka but in a very... Hoshina way.

He's not like "OMG let's compare hand sizes teehee" he's like "DAMN Kafka why are your hands so damn huge. Big meaty claws lol" and that's just His Way of doing the same thing cus he's a fucking goofball, and it WORKS cus Kafka is a goofball too!!! He speaks fluent goofball!!!

[ask2ps]

I love 2p japan

CHINA: 日本さえ恋がしたいということ、考えられないことではないねぇ。(It’s not unthinkable that even Japan would want love, right?)

JAPAN: 闭嘴。(Shut up.)

[fluffyk97]

Legit my only complaint about Sonic 3 is that they didn't do a callback joke to Sonic calling Keanu a national treasure with him now voicing Shadow.

[mythtiide]

its maid day so heres a little falkler! 🍨 + speedpaint !

[katpurrccinodraws]

I didn’t notice I dressed Sofia up like her brother, but its a lab coat instead of a trench…

I forgot to post this yesterday but I got too stressed out, and shut down etc etc.

[thebirdandhersong]

It's not so much that I object to this potential blind date boy. I haven't said yes because im NERVOUS and my heart is SORE

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

i realized they had the same birthday (dec 21st) so i was like "yoooo i should draw them together"

silly bonus:

[red-eft]

the fact that i immediately landed an awesome job right out from graduation but then got covid in august and now my brain doesn't work right and i might lose my job because of it . there's a funny joke in here somewhere maybe

[butchrindou]

i’m so pressured with improving myself as an artist and it’s making me lose it because i’m not even doing art for my career but i love it so much. Like i kinda feel useless doing it sometimes, especially since i see other artists and i know damn well i will never achieve that level and im not saying this for people to feel pity but idk i feel like my art style doesn’t fit tr.???3! or like idk. Sometimes i’ll literally cry because i feel like my art style doesn’t fit rindou and she’s literally my muse, she’s the reason why i get so excited to sit down and draw everyday yet i feel like im just stuck sitting somewhere where i can’t do anything special to show my love for her and it sounds silly.. bc that’s a fictional character but still, ive liked this character for so long and i see improvement just from drawing rindou non stop but i still feel like im just barely touching the surface of improvement. Also i feel like i care too much about what others may like vs what i want to try and draw.. i want to draw her raw and literally how i perceive her, her character, her body, every single aspect of her and why she’s so important to me. Yet i can’t do that because i get so scared of the outcome/how my artwork looks/ how others will perceive it. And im not saying im not happy with my art, i am but there’s just ways i want to do it i feel like wont stick out to others which scares me or it will seem ooc of rindou. literally because of this i always have the urge to delete my account and restart and continue doing that till i feel like i perfected her yet i dont think that’ll ever happen even with how much love i have for that character