#like i just feel genuinely unliked and unlikable.
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
This also pisses me the hell off because people like that do so much harm to plant based medicinal sciences.
Thing is that while you may not be able to dose herbs properly at home, at a lab it would be possible, though requiring additional tests. Properly assembled plant based medication can be safer, because it has way less side efects and doesn't harm your other organs and systems while aiding only one of them, unlike what perscription drugs can do. For example my stomach got so damaged after years of taking psychiatric medication, I cannot take aspirin, ibuprofen and practically any painkiller is a risk. Feel free to correct me if I am off base here, but there definitely is a place in the medical world for plant based treatment, it's just that the amount of quakers and 'spiritual' frauds is making the entire science look like a scam, while in reality it IS absolutely true that the world could benefit from turning to natural sources more often.
There is just a need for more regulation surrounding these practices.
Also, idk if it works like that in USA, but in Poland supplements of any kind, herbal or chemical, are not held to the same standards as meds and they can contain next to anything. In Poland, the trick is to never buy supplements even in pharmacies, but instead ask specifically for 'medication without perscription'. I've actually had an allergic reaction to [medically necessary] vitamins before; I thought since I bought them at a pharmacy they have to be safe, but I didn't specify I want medication and not a supplement.
One thing I never appreciate on tumblr is the black and white approach to every issue that is touched on here. Things are never as simple and there is always a lot more nuance than posts like this make it seem. Not criticising OP, just pointing it out.
Anyway, in my country there are university majors you can get in technology of medicinal plants. I don't know how it looks exactly, but I do know it's considered a scientific field of study and you need high grades in chemistry and biology to get in. It doesn't last as long as a pharmaceutical degree [phrm is 5 years and this one is 3,5 years], but you can get go for an additional 1,5 year. I don't know how the two compare and ideally one should probably go to both, however my lifetime is limited and I will gladly give the technology of medicinal plants a shot.
With all this being said, I do not believe herbalism should be practiced by people getting a licence online, I believe this is a genuine scientific field that should be treated as such and people making or selling plant based products should absolutely have higher education qualifiying them to do so.
If I have made any substansive errors, feel free to correct me.
When you say you're anti-CAM what does that mean? Like what does CAM mean in that context? I genuinely haven't seen that acronym before and I'm assuming you aren't anti-camming as in like the form of sex work
Complimentary and Alternative Medicine.
I am capable of turning off my inner annoying atheist, I am incapable of turning off my inner annoying quackwatcher.
I have had real life fights with people I genuinely love about this and I do not regret it. I will absolutely not regret shitting all over someone's $500 herbalist certification.
24K notes
·
View notes
Text
⟳ 08. FLOWER CHARM

You did it.
The rush of adrenaline hasn’t worn off yet, but the moment you step outside the lecture hall, you feel lighter. It’s over.
The nerves, the overthinking, the endless nights buried in notes and half-finished slides all led to this moment. And god, it was worth it. The panelists had smiled at you, nodding along as you spoke, their questions laced more with curiosity than skepticism.
You did that.
And for some reason, the first person you want to tell is—
“Hey, genius.”
Kuni.
Leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed, looking completely unbothered. But he’s here. He’s here. And the second his eyes land on you, something flickers in his gaze. Something quiet, knowing. Like he already knows exactly how it went before you even say a word.
Your chest tightens.
You roll your eyes, but it’s impossible to fight the warmth bubbling up in you. “You don’t even know if I passed.”
Kuni scoffs, pushing off the wall. “Oh, shut it.” He gives you a once-over, like he’s confirming his own thoughts. “So? How bad did you show off?”
You laugh, and it comes out lighter than you expect. “Maybe just a little.”
His lips twitch. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, just watching you. Then, with an exaggerated sigh, he repeats, “Showoff.”
You shove him lightly, but before you can say anything, he reaches into his pocket and holds something out to you.
A small charm.
Delicate glass petals catching the light.
A flower with your initials on it.
You freeze.
“I figured you deserved something,” he says, like it’s nothing. “Though I should’ve gotten a bigger one, since you aced it and all.”
You barely hear the teasing edge in his voice. Your fingers brush the charm as you take it, turning it over in your palm. It’s so small, but somehow, it feels heavier than it should be.
Unlike treating you to food and drinks, this feels different. It’s not just a passing gesture, not something that will be gone by tomorrow. It’s a small gift. Something to keep, something that lingers. And for the first time, it feels like he wanted you to have more than just a moment with him.
Your heart stumbles. “You…”
Kuni watches you for a beat longer than necessary. Then he shrugs, stuffing his hands back in his pockets.
“Don’t think too hard about it,” he drawls, already moving past you, hands in his pockets. Then, over his shoulder, “C’mon, I just finished my own practicals. We need a proper celebration. Nothing big, just us. You in?”
And just like that, hope flutters in your chest once more. You’re still riding the high of your emotions, so much so that you don’t even consider the usual implications of his offer. For once, it doesn’t feel like he’s expecting anything in return. Just a simple, genuine gesture that leaves something unfamiliar and lingering in its wake.
Because he didn’t have to do this.
Because why does it feel like this means something?



⟳ BLURRED LINES — PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT
You say you’re just friends. You say it every time you leave a party together, every time you wake up tangled in sheets, every time you swear it’s the last time. But habits form, lines blur, and pretending gets harder when jealousy starts to sting.
NOTE in honor of the recent valentine’s i made it a flower charm hehe also for the sake of it just pretend that flower is ur fave and that ur initials r on it ty <3
TAGLIST @joiurz @sketcheeee @mywillt0live @kyouzki @ylapsha45 @eternallykira-143 @bananasquash @kunikissr @swivi @ariesloves @lloversss @b-bbytears @kokoscutie @vi0let-writes @tomsishere @franaby @scaraenthusiast1 @iloveescara @usagiarchive @ilovecats-26 @quiechee @snetr @axquella @tatsuomii @lalalaloveallmydays @liyahbug @feiherp @jinjjjia
if your name is in bold, that means i can’t tag you
#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche smau#genshin impact x reader#scaramouche#genshin smau#genshin wanderer#wanderer x reader#wanderer smau#genshin texts#genshin impact#smau#wanderer#genshin impact smau
128 notes
·
View notes
Text
Saxon's feelings for Lochy
Ok, so, I've noticed that a lot of people don't seem to think Saxon has a thing for his brother, only for Piper and Lochy for him and I wanted to show the evidence otherwise because it was literally the first thing I noticed.
After he asks how many bedrooms there are and is told it's three, he immediately says "Ok, so Lochy, you're with me."
Piper doesn't seem to like that and offers for him to sleep with her instead (knowing there was some kind incest vibe, it really came across like they're fighting over him). He then objects by pointing out brothers and sisters shouldn't sleep together. Which seems like a classic way to set up for possible gay stuff, "oh it's just guys/girls, don't worry, we can be naked around each other, no big deal".
When Piper invites Lochy to the temple, he immediately goes. "No, we were gonna go to the pool".
He asks him again like he's genuinely upset at Lochy possibly not going with him, and maybe even by being with his sisters instead. Once again, like they're fighting over him, it's even framed with Lochy looking indecisive at the two of them, not knowing which option to pick (parallel with the college thing? Possibly a common theme for his character).
After he says he'll go to temple first and then the pool after, he's still upset.
When Lochy does get to the pool, he notices it and calls him immediately.
After a quick question about the monks, what does he do? Grab his dick and talk about how he gets so horny traveling.
When they're in bed, he immediately starts to talk shit about Piper's buddishm and her overall attitude in life, saying Buddism is for people who "want to supress in life", and most notably. "Don't have desires, don't even try."
And then he tells him that it's good to want things, at least if you can have them. If we're to assume he knows about Lochy possibly being attracted to him, this feels like a subtle way of encouraging that. Of telling it's ok to have these desires, that it's worth a try...
And there's where it comes the theory that Piper isn't actually into Lochy but just trying to "protect" him from Saxon, possibly because he tried something with her in the past and she didn't like it. So no wonder he's bitter about her and thinks she wants to "supress things".
In this case, by telling Lochy to do the opposite, the implication would be that he should "give it a try" with him, unlike her.
He comments on how good-looking he is.
And then tells him he "Doen't need to shrink away from life like her". Again, if we're going with the theory that he tried something with her in the past, he's trying to push him in the other direction. Don't reject it.
And then, you know. Asking him what kind of porn does he like. Going back, he does that right after saying he should "get laid, get everything" and that he's "going to help him" with that.
It's also just, like, the most classic and obvious set-up, to bring in sex/porn into the conversation, the idea of watching it together or what not...
"How the fuck am I going to jerk off with you in here all week."
Already kinda suggestive considering the vibes, but... Remember that he asked to room with him, and even objected when Piper suggested otherwise, when that would've left him with his own room.
I guess the confusing part is when he closes the door after he noticed Lochy still watching him. But honestly it would probably be too far to just jerk off in front of him like he's not even trying to not be weird.
He might just be playing the long game, and walking up naked to watch porn with him still awake in the room still feels like quite a tease. He might also just be getting cold feet, or, perhaps, the whole thing is subconscious rather than on purpose and at that moment he has the realization of how weird this situation is.
There's actually a moment where you can notice him thinking about whether Lochy is looking before he looks back at him, and it seems like he's a little nervous about it (before this shot he was just looking at the screen, but then he raises his head to question it).
So, cold feet? Checking to see if the teasing is working or if he looked away? A bit freaked out with the realization of how weird he's been?Idk, but it's definetely not one-sided, and I was actually more surprised at the implication that Lochy felt the same.
#saxon x lochy#saxon x lochlan#saxon ratliff#lochlan ratliff#the white lotus#white lotus#the white lotus spoilers#the white lotus s3#the white lotus season 3#white lotus spoilers#white lotus s3#white lotus season 3
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
My one major issue within Astarion's romance storyline (spoilers)
TLDR: player shouldn't have to sleep with him in act one to initiate the romance.
(also please correct me if I'm wrong about this being the way the romance triggers. All the information I found said that the act 1 intimacy scene is necessary)
First of all, this just locks you out of romancing him unless you’re a very particular kind of person. On my playthrough, my character is not at all the type to sleep with him casually, but I went through with it because I very badly wanted to see his romance storyline.
So let’s examine what leads up to the scene. Astarion, upon meeting the player, recognizes power in them and thus someone who can help protect him. He comes up with his “nice, simple plan” to seduce the player in order to get them to trust and care for him. This makes complete sense for his character, as he sees his main and perhaps only source of value being what he can offer physically. It’s what he knows how to do, and so in this crisis situation, of course it’s what he defaults to. The fact that he propositions the player is not what I have a problem with. It’s the fact that they have to say yes in order to further the romance, or else they’re locked out of it.
On a practical level, I can understand what the thought process behind this might have been. Having a character proposition the player, being turned down, and then coming onto them again in the future might make them come off as a pest, which can make a character majorly unlikable. However I would argue this can be worked around because it is made very clear that the first encounter with him is meant to be a purely casual intimacy. Having a confession scene later where he proposes something more sincere would feel completely different, offering something new rather than not taking no for an answer.
But the game forces you to accept his offer if you want to further the romance. This leaves the player in an uncomfortable position no matter what. There are two intimacy scenes possible in act one, the first being his high approval scene that can trigger whenever, where he makes the offer and the player can choose. Skipping this one does not lock you out of the romance IF you do sleep with him at the Teifling party afterward (if I’m not mistaken). The Tiefling party version of the scene is much much better if you care about him as a person, in my opinion, because he keeps the fact that he sees it as a transaction to himself. In the high approval scene, he outright says, albeit flirtatiously, that this is a reward for letting him drink your blood. Him presenting the encounter that way feels very icky if you say yes. So while it’s very in-character and a very honest and raw portrayal of how his trauma has affected him, it leaves the player in a bad position.
Now, this plot point is crucial to his overall story, yes. He needs to initiate this kind of pandering to the player character, trying to seduce them and get their trust and loyalty. My argument is that this can be done *without* the sex scene. If I were to rewrite this scene, I would have it that he invites the character to the woods after the party in a more ambiguous way unless you yourself bring up the topic of sex. Then, when you’re both there having your private conversation, you can choose to decline his advances. He could become puzzled and maybe a little annoyed and say something like “why did you come here, then?”. The player could then have the option to respond with “I wanted to get to know you better” or something. This could be a really sweet and heartbreaking moment to look back on after you learn more about him. Give him a genuine moment of confusion in this scene, because it challenges what he thought about himself and other people; someone doesn't want him just for his body, and they also want to get to know him as a person. This would probably be a confusing and difficult feeling for him. He’d mask it quickly, of course, but still. Then, there could be a nice moment between them where they just have a cute conversation about anything. Maybe they could even just make this scene into a slightly different version of his scars scene the morning after. He showed up shirtless after all, so the player could go on to ask him about that and it could be a wholesome bonding moment. This would allow the player to show interest in him without it being explicitly sexual, but also not locking you out of the romance route with him. Also it’s asexual friendly. On a narrative and emotional level, this serves basically the exact same purpose as the sex scene(s), with the exception of the regret and moral greyness, which I think the player should be able to avoid anyway if they choose. Especially upon replays, this forces the player to engage in something they know is not an enjoyable experience for him, in order to trigger his romance storyline, which I think is kind of wrong.
Interesting point here, though: If you’re playing as origin Karlach, then you can't sleep with him at first without, you know, burning him to a crisp. The romance plays out the same otherwise, PROVING MY POINT that it’s not necessary. In this version of events, they just “talk and fall asleep”. This would be exactly what I wanted. I just really wish this were an option in any other case.
I'm too demisexual for this.
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
The changes in Ricky's catchphrases/story pisses me off so bad, yall don't even get it
"Ever since I was six years old, I knew I wasn't long for this world. Unlike the other kids, I was always in a place to face that realm called outer space. Thank you, Lady Marzipan. Thank you, Dame Judi Dench. It appears your loyal service is no longer necessary in this stratosphere. Game on."
Okay, I'll try to ignore the whole outside ableist, and more specifically how it was written. So, the catchphrase. 2016 one was
But now the catchphrase is just
PLEASE ITS ACTUALLY SO GOOD IN SHOWING A PART OF RICKY'S CHARACTER, Since he was 6 years old he already understood that his disability would probably take him earlier than other children, but he didn't mourn it, he created his own "elabored playground", he focused more on the things he liked than the bad side of his disability, HE LITERALLY NAMED HIS CRUTCHES OMGGG!!
"Game on."
???????? This literally erased so much of his character its not even funny
AND AND HIS HISTORY OMG
"Favorite ride: the Gravitron. Born with a rare degenerative disease, when Richard lost his power of speech, the Potts family took a vow of silence; usually communicating in a series of strange gestures that only they understood. The only time they interacted with one another was when they read comics, or fed the cats... they had fourteen cats. From the time he was six years old and his knees began to buckle, Ricky was treated to the most appalling cruelty humanity can muster, complete indifference. Far from growing bitter, Ricky developed an elaborate playground in his synapses, where became his own best friend"
AGAIN, IT'S A GOOD WAY TO EXPLAIN HIS DISABILITY, AND HOW HE AND OTHER PEOPLE REACTED TO IT!! He was born with his disability, and his parents, even if they weren't good, they still tried to be good parents, to make him feel included with a vow of silence, and in this story it becomes much more obvious that at age 6, his disability worsened, and he became aware that he was going to die early. And because of his disability, people ignored him, BUT HE DIDN'T REGRET IT!!!!!! HE BECAME HIS OWN BEST FRIEND!!!
Not even gonna take my time to copy and paste his new one, but I hate it, its genuinely bad, Ricky is a terrible representation of his ""New"" disability(Which I assume is some kind of selective multism), ITS ALL TREATED AS A QUICK JOKE!!! HORRIBLE!!

#rtc#ride the cyclone#rtc musical#ride the cyclone musical#ricky potts#rtc ricky#ride the cyclone ricky#ricky ride the cyclone#ricky rtc#ricky potts ride the cyclone#ricky potts rtc#save ricky potts#yapping#yap yap yap#deerdoeb talks !!
24 notes
·
View notes
Note
late but top five mormon names
okay is this top five as in omg look at these crazy mormon names or top five as in which ones do i like best
my personal top five mormon names:
Orrin or Orson. These are both names that have some use outside of Mormonism but are disproportionately used in the LDS community because of famous namesakes in early church history Orrin Porter Rockwell and Orson Pratt. They're also totally unrelated but similar enough in sound that I lumped them together.
Ammon. I genuinely like Ammon I think it sounds nice and unlike a lot of Book of Mormon names it sounds like it could be an Old Testament name.
Rulon. Sound-wise this is my favorite Mormon invented name, I think it sounds a bit like a lesser-known Tolkien dwarf but it isn't too fantastical. Unfortunately there were not one but two deeply shady Mormon fundamentalist leaders named Rulon which casts a bit of a pall but it's a decent enough name.
Alma. I quite like Alma as well, similar in sound to Ammon so I guess that makes sense. Unfortunately in the Book of Mormon/LDS culture Alma is a man's name and while I think it works for a guy in a vacuum I think it would be a bit difficult to wear in modern American culture without getting frequently misgendered.
Hyrum. This one has grown on me! I now feel like Hiram looks misspelled lol. I feel like it's a bit dorky but in an endearing way. I have considered using this one on a dog, I feel like it would be a great dog name. Also as Mormon history namesakes go, Hyrum Smith seems like a decent guy.
omg look at these crazy Mormon names
It has to be Moroni. THEE classic crazy Mormon name.
Vilate! I feel like most of the truly iconic old-school crazy Mormon names are male so let's get some gender parity in here. Vilate is also my Mormon name white whale because I desperately want to know its origin. I know that its use in LDS culture stems from it being the name of Heber Kimball's first wife Vilate Murray Kimball, but I don't know where her parents got it. I initially thought it was a phonetic spelling of Violet but it's apparently pronounced vih-LATE so clearly not. It haunts and vexes me.
I'm going to hold a space here for all deranged feminized versions of male names but particularly the multiple 19th century women I've seen named Brighamina or Brighamine and also Rulon Jeffs' daughter Ruleen whom I found on FindAGrave and whose obituary notes that shockingly she went by her middle name.
Mahonri Moriancumer because of its profoundly stupid origin story.
Honestly I'm putting Hyrum on this list too just because I feel like it's so iconically Mormon and originated the proud trend of spelling names with a random Y in there just because.
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok sorry for getting depressing last night life is literally horrible and unlivable and the lowest it's ever been without dipping into active suicide risk territory. but we move i suppose
#kind of telling though that i started feeling bad because i asked if anyone wanted to talk about a book i read that is for once something#people have heard of and no one said anything. like i specifically chose that book because it was culturally relevant and i for once wanted#to be able to participate in a popular common discussion. and even then nothing#everybody wants to reassure me when i say something depressing but nobody wants to actually talk to me i guess. no one even scrolled one#post down for context that's crazy :/#don't really understand the point of fake reassurance but ok if it makes you feel better i guess#(with one notable exception who knows who they are)#like i just feel genuinely unliked and unlikable.#like damn maybe i should have just taken the bullet and watched 911 and fully committed to liking man shows.#then at least people would talk to me about something. kind of fucked up that to get people to talk to me i'd have to be fake though#but i suppose that's how it always happens.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fairy Whispers ༄

a/n ; first ever fic ! apologies in advance if it isnt too good 😭 thank you for requesting anon <3 this fic is meant to be platonic, but read it either way you’d like + tomorrow ill probs post some shuichi content, n e ways i hope you enjoy !!
Fairy Tail.
The world where magic and adventure intertwine at every corner; where many are given the gift of bearing a sort of power, yet not everyone uses it to help and save others.
There’s corruption. Murder. Bloodshed caused by those consumed by the desire of gaining more power.
But of course, there are always ones with a good heart.
It was a sunny day today; and a day where everyone at the Fairy Tail guild could relax. Everyone was mostly off doing their own thing. Some drinking, reading quietly, chatting or hanging out with others.
It was supposed to be a chill day today, but definitely wasn’t for Lucy.
“Stop! Please, don’t hurt them!”
Lucy was sent on a mission — having to catch some robbers on a small village. It was pretty simple, so she took her time walking around, enjoying her alone time, or was, until she heard faint cries of distress. Following the sound, she came upon a scene that caught her off guard; it was a group of fairy poachers, trapping innocent fairies in nets, crushing or squeezing them in dirty bags. Lucy felt anger, and knew she had to act fast. Summoning her celestial spirits, she began to attack them, using her quick wit and power.
After sending them all flying off, Lucy quickly freed all the fairies, who hid or flew off as well, except for one. Stuck between a net, Lucy picked up the fairy out of the strings. The fairy, with sparkly wings and tear-filled eyes, looked up at Lucy, admiration, yet a hint of sadness mixing in her expression. “Thank you so much for saving me and my friends..” Slightly trembling, she continued. “I thought I was going to be their next experiment..”
Lucy smiled a little, lifting her finger to pat the fairy’s head. “It’s okay now, I’m here to protect you.” She said, hoping to provide her some comfort. However, as they both turned around, Lucy realized the amount of damage that was done. The poachers had destroyed the fairy’s home in the chaos, leaving her with no place to return to. “Where will I go to now?” the fairy whispered in worry.
Though dwelling in sadness, the fairy was admired by Lucy’s quickness to get involved and save her. “Thank you for saving me,” she said, voice slightly shaky. In a moment of thankfulness, she leaned in and gave Lucy a gentle kiss on the nose.
To their surprise, Lucy’s nose began to grow—two feet long, just like Pinocchio — Lucy was stunned — poked her nose, felt embarrassed and shocked. She did not expect that to happen by one small kiss. “Well, at least no one will see me like this! I hope...” she tried to joke, chuckling awkwardly.
The fairy gasped at the sight of Lucy, wondering how the kiss caused that strange effect. “Oh no..I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that would happen, but I’m sure it will wear off in a day.. I’m so sorry..” She cried out, frantically flying around while apologizing profusely.
Lucy only chuckled, shaking her head slightly. “It’s fine! It isn’t your fault, I know you have good intentions. But I guess I can smell trouble from a mile away now!” she exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood. The fairy, though still blaming herself, ended up smiling a little at Lucy’s attempt to make her feel better about the situation.
As they walked together, the fairy got an idea. “What if your nose becomes my new home in the meantime?” Lucy looked at her with an expression that said ‘That is the most wild idea I’ve ever heard.’ At the same time, she did understand how the little creature must be feeling, – losing the only place you call home is devastating.
“Does that mean you’ll decorate my nose and cut some parts to resemble it as a house?” Lucy teased. The fairy let out a short giggle while nodding, going along with Lucy’s jokes. “Now that you said it, maybe I should.” The celestial wizard feigned a look of horror before the two burst into laughter. Lucy promised to help her find a new home, and to find her whenever she needed help in the future.
The rest of the day was spent with them both picking up flowers, grass and small sticks. Using her magic, the fairy transformed the objects into a cloud seat, a small bed, table and chairs, filled with laughter along the way. Despite Lucy’s strange nose, she wasn’t too worried about it – at least it wasn’t permanent. Although it did feel really weird, she never would’ve expected to feel her nose heavy. Is this how Pinocchio felt? The blonde wondered. “I’ll definitely never forget this day.” she chuckled.
As the sun began to set, Lucy decided to lay down on the grass, humming contently as the cool breeze brushed against her skin. This experience was definitely strange but ending up being a lot of fun in the end.
It was quiet for a while, before she spoke up. “Like I said, whenever you need help, come find me at fairy tail. I’m Lucy Heartfilia, and I promise to always protect you.” Turning her head slightly, Lucy raised her hand, holding her pinky finger out. The fairy smiled, giving a nod. “I’m Y/N, and I promise you will always have the protection of the fairies from now on.”
They linked pinkies, under the starry night sky.
#fairy tail#anime#lucy heartfilia#fluff#platonic#or can be read romantic#idk lmao i just see it as a platonic x reader fic#anon request#first fic !#lucy heartfilia x reader#giys i worked so hard on this#i think 3 hours#i really hope you like this anon 🙏🙏🙏#meracyn#i kinda hate this#I FEEL LIKE I COULDVE DONE BETTER IDK#lucy Heartfilia x female reader#female reader#or you can just read it platonically#genuine question r male fairies still called fairies or are they not considered fairies unlike female fairies#i need coffee
203 notes
·
View notes
Text
genuinely sort of obsessed with suicide and killing yourself and dying lately. main character in a manhwa I was reading tried killing herself kind of late into the story coincidentally at a time where I was already starting to become very obsessed with death wnd now I'm having so much fun finding more killing yourself stories like yes let's all kill ourselves no more I think that'squite enough.. like 8ts really the only thing I look forward to thinking about lately I wake up disappointed that there's nothing to look forward to for the day or life but remember I have time to think about killing myself and I'm like Yay and hurray and such. I've felt this way like twice and it's a comparatively higher risk level of being suicidal for me since I kindof dont care about anything but this focus and I feel almost genuine excitement and anticipation about death and for hours a day I'm just fantasizing about being able to give up or start over, which is worse than having severely sad angry emotional issues kind of depressed where things do matter and they're just not good but in this case nothing matters or excites me except this. it's worse as in like it doesn't feel as impossible to happen but it does feel way better like well at least I still have killing myself and dying we wlways have killing ourselves and dying
#not that it's not ever sad im sentimental and change makes me sosad so it's depressing in the normal way im used to too#but sometimes i feel like i dont even realize i still have care for anything or emotion left in me until i randomly cry#but i barely feel or think anything it's almost just physical#and im like extremely overly unbearably emotional perhaps the most unbearably so to ever be it's one of the reasons im like quite unlikable#but i feel like a disconnect now im watching someone else's emotions and it has little to do with me and it's not as painful#it still is but it's not the same#extreme hopelessness has certain spots and waves to it that feel too good#not genuinely good it's still depressing but in such a weird way that makes me almost want to laugh#i can hardly tell what it really feels like
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel like a fool for finalizing realizing this but,
I was never quite satisfied with the explanation given in DGS 2-3 on why Barok took on the prosecution of his close friend.
I don’t think it was ever EXPLICITLY stated and the most we really got is it upheld Albert’s reputation. That Barok did it bc any other prosecutor would paint Albert as a sham right away. Which is a fate worse than death for Albert.
But that never stood right with me bc Barok values finding the truth and justice above all else. He would not do something for the sake of “prolonging” cause he knows it’s pointless. The truth MUST be found so there’s no need to tiptoe around it.
It makes no sense to do it for the sake of Albert’s reputation if finding the absolute truth inevitably leads to Albert’s reputation being ruined. The machine, experiment, and theory, it HAD to all be proven faulty if Albert was to be free. There’s no way it could not. Barok knows this.
What he did in 2-3 seemed like tiptoeing but he was working harder than ever to get to the truth.
The reason why he pushed so hard, the way he continued to give point after point, bring up every inconsistency, bring up even the smallest of possibilities that Albert was guilty, (which honestly sounds like his usual thing. But this time there’s an personal motivation to it)
was entirely so that Ryunosuke could disprove him.
We already knew that Barok trusted Ryuno to handle the defense. That Ryuno also strives for absolute truth. So he threw every little thing at him so that there would be NOTHING left that’d indicate Albert as involved in the murder.
That’s why he took the case. That’s why he was adamant on painting Albert as a murderer.
The way Barok trusted the life of his closest friend to Ryunosuke HE TRUSTED HIM THAT MUCH GOD I LOVE HIS CHARACTER GROWTH SO MUCH-
#barok van zieks#the great ace attorney#ace attorney#this feels like…the most surface level and obvious analysis fjskakak#like…basic critical thinking#I’ve just had my Benbaro shaped rose tinted glasses on like I needed them to survive#that sounds like I’m being really rude to shipping but I’m not i promise!!! I swear!!!#but this genuinely feels like what the writers would want us to think since Barok never actually explains himself#and all we get is Albert’s (kinda biased) hypothesis on the matter#speaking of Barok’s character arc. I’m finally FULLY revisiting the games and I didn’t realize how actually little hints there are to 2-4/5#it’s only like…1 little thing in only a couple of the cases. for some reason I expected more.#I still wish the did Barok’s redemption better. hinted to it more. cause he’s very much an unlikable guy in 2-2. like STILL REALLY UNLIKABLE#it feels like they rushed his redemption and not at the still time bc he’s still pretty rude to Ryuno during 2-4#he spends all of DGS being mean. most of DGS 2. but then suddenly his old friend is on trial and he’s like ‘so actually you’re pretty cool’#but I guess that’s what they’re going for. they wanted the start of his redemption to be a surprise. which is way of doing it.#I’m not gonna be mean about it tho bc they probably had restrictions. I’m a writer but I’m not gonna pretend I know how to write a GAME#I would hope they’d spread out his redemption a little more if they could afford too#long post
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
#this question is very hard for me to answer so obviously I have to torment everyone else with it#cause like. like I can really see the potential in either answer. both are feasible#I will say. most realistically. to me. edwin first charles harder#because I think…..I think the reasoning behind the other way around usually tends to be about how edwin absolutely was slower to bond and#open up in general whereas charles hit the ground fucking running#but i don’t think that particularly applies to their romantic relationship#if you mean ‘fell for’ in a general sense rather than a romantic one then yes 100%#but that’s not what im talking about here#I have a few different reasons but generally I think edwin fell first because like… the way he attached himself to charles and accepted him#as his person and etc is so unlike him to do with literally anyone- especially at the point where they first met/the first years they knew#each other. charles just seems to have hit him as something very very special and irreplaceable quite quickly for him to open up the way he#did and change and flourish into a fully realized person because of how safe and worthy charles made him feel#he took to charles with an unusual amount of ease and trust and I think that says something about how charles struck his heart Early#whereas with charles… yes on one hand he did stay on the mortal plane largely because of edwin and absolutely would’ve been impacted by the#tender act of mercy that was edwin reading to him as he died so he wouldn’t be scared. that’s absolutely what got him to trust edwin and to#want to be with him and protect him and so on#but charles would still do that and be like that under intense platonic circumstances I think#but most importantly I just think charles fell harder. when he fell is less important to me here- more important is that by GOD that boy is#down so fucking bad and outright SAYS IT in so many ways that he doesn’t realize– the sheer amount he restates how he’s content so long as#he’s with edwin. how he doesn’t want to be anywhere where edwin can’t follow. would and Did go to hell and back for him. believes him#to be the kindest and most incredible person he’s ever met. prioritizes him above anything and everything. etc etc etc#that’s not to say edwin doesn’t feel a similar amount of devotion– but charles just. really loves him with his whole person. loves him as a#fact of his existence and a piece of his very soul#idk man. it just feels like he is so incredibly smitten and he doesn’t even know it.#like I said though I can see both options and give reasons for both options so this question EATS at me I GENUINELY don’t have a super#strong feeling either is absolutely correct. it’s so difficult to answer they’re both so smitten and have such a history and GRAHHHH#payneland#dead boy detectives#rambling#polls
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#maybe I was naive before and/or maybe I'm just bonedead tired af and not making much sense (i know I am)#bue the thing is if you had asked me before this night why the USA have never had a female president unlike so many comparable countries#I would have...attributed like 50%-80% of the reason to structural causes and the obsession with male candidates#yes there are extremely regressive and misogynistic regions and subcultures in the US - but that is true for most countries!#it is also a country with some VERY progressive people#and I don't know any country where so many people are so constantly actively and vocally arguing in favour of FINALLY having a female leade#so yeah I attributed it mostly to the general obstacles for female politicians and how elections in the US work and even past candidates#and I guess a big part of me wanted to believe that all this clownery of men saying they feel emasculated voting for a woman#was just a special sub-category of freakishness that gets pushed into the spotlight during the election#but at this point (dead-tired and annoyed as all shit)...I'm at the point where I say the United States have an almost unique problem#with voting for a woman + the idea of having a female president#maybe it's the huge role of the military and the president as leader of the troops or maybe it's the impact of evangelicals on the culture#maybe it is the role of gender roles in pop culture being so deeply entrenched#obviously this election racism and Harris being a woman of colour also plays a huge role#but at the point I am it genuinely feels to me like there's a very specific hang-up in the US regarding female candidates#and I know a lot of people are going to end up saying: 'oh it has nothing to do with it it has nothing to do with gender'#and I would have had that discussion and said that the issue with discrimination is that often you can't prove the individual case#but at this point....specifically with the US I have a hard time being like 'maybe it was maybe it wasn't' in regards to this factor#sorry to say
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
scribblezone again testing out brushes, early grey oru, and ace attorney-style psychelocks
#witch hat tag#orufrey#doodly. i like one of the brushes tho.#oh and i was thinking how the girls have qifrey's hat design but oru's (current) tassel and how that makes me feel#ppl will surely be thinking umm WHY do they have a different tassel to him unlike every other atelier ever. the whole tassel thing is just.#whatever. *keeps the rest to myself as i fall down a zelda-style chasm of emotion*#i JUST wanna know if tassel swapping is a cultural witch sign of commitment OR if it's something they just made up. JUST TELL ME. NAAOOOOWW#the girls are too young to hear about it because oru has the inbuilt belief that kids will mercilessly tease ppl#ok what is going on someone said the psychelocks art made them laugh and someone else said it made them smile#sometimes when i try to get out depressing ideas ppl are like hehe aww and then for those pink clothes i got surprisingly much sad response#it wasnt THAT sad........maybe. anyway genuinely interesting . this world is a mystery#i think its bc i mix humour & tragedy more than i ever imagined i would. i mean witch hat is like that so thats why im doing it. well anywa
190 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyway shri’iia’s epilogue outfit which is a mix of 1900s male stage costumes and also that one camp outfit mod. look at the ring hehe 🤭
#it’s so whimsical I love it ….. the silhouette is based on the stage costumes#where they have like the cinched waist poofy bottoms and then stockings#but in her case it’s boots but she’s wearing these particular boots that I think fits with the whimsy elements the fit has#and the top is like a reconstructed coat but off the shoulders with the poofy sleeves bc I want to give her that rapunzel / tangled vibe#since her backstory was inspired by rapunzel ofc …!!!!#and it still has that sexy element drow fits are known to have … but this one isn’t like outright naked sexy it’s more of a teasing kind#which fits her..!! like this is her whole personality turned into an outfit I really like it 🤭🤭🤭🤭#and it’s the personality that she slowly regains when she becomes more genuine … and she’s finding herself more (via the oathbreaking route#unlike before the clothes she wore were like costumes bc she’s trying to project a certain image. now it’s her actual authentic self#character building through fashion and wear? maybe so!#as for the stage inspo I think her own style would lean that way bc a) she prob has been influenced by astarion who I think has a more#theatrical style and since she’s new to the fashion in the surface she’ll probably ask him a lot#b) it’s a whimsical style!! and fun!! very bard like tbh but I think that’s what she’ll end up liking. it’s different from the tight#fitting/see through/sleek outfits that drow fashion favours and I think she’ll want to experiment w a different style than she’s used to#and also as for the ring. it’s a promise ring hehehe I talked abt it before but I like the idea that at some point they give each other#promise rings bc marriage!!! or anything of the sort!!! feels too big and too daunting currently and they’re probably taking it slow like#they’re elves they have all the time in the world quite literally for him he’s a vampire but I like the idea they have something that#reminds them or gives them that possibility of like something more 👁️ and the promise rings are just that. also they probably stole the#rings or looted it off a dead body somewhere lmfao#anyway…… Some Thoughts. !
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
frustrating myself with seeing severance related stuff and spoilers on here as if i am ever going to watch that show or any tv show for that matter ever
#here is my big confession i do not like tv shows. i do not really watch tv shows. don’t get me wrong it looks really good but am I genuinely#going to sit down and dedicate the time required of me to watching it well looking at my track record it’s unlikely.#I prefer films I don’t like the amount of time you have to dedicate to a tv show when it’s got like four seasons and two are bad and every#episode is an hour long it’s just not me…they feel like a chore
8 notes
·
View notes