#like i just don’t fucking care abt any of these ppl lmao

[liloinkoink]

hey guys, someone just sent me a weird ass ask claiming my incredibly close friend cherri @cherrifire secretly hate me and is talking abt me behind my back. i was not the only person to get one of these identical slanderous asks. i’ve already blocked the anon but like. open letter to them, and for the benefit of anyone else who gets an ask like this….

1) anon, you’re genuinely fucking stupid

2) hysterical to send this when i was actively chatting w her, while we were in the process of fleshing out yet another renchanting au, something we have done all day every day for… gosh, how long has it been now? nearly two years? i would say that it was really bad timing to send this ask to me while i was actively chatting aus w her but there really isn’t any moment you could have sent this that i wouldn’t have been.

3) if you thought i wasn’t gonna call bullshit and snitch immediately you don’t know shit about me or cherri, which, granted, is evident by the ask in general, but you really are stupid

4) if a gc like this existed—which it does not, bc cherri is not like this and would not do this—i would be in it. this idiot doesn’t even know im cherri’s emotional support writer. do you have any idea how many gcs and servers she’s dragged me into w her.

5) get your facts right cherri talks shit about me to my face. this is mutual. fake ass fan. if you were a real cherri friend you would know this smh

6) no, actually, you’re right, she definitely hates me. that’s why i met her irl literally like 3 months ago on her invitation, we hung out for a genuine week, spent basically the whole time arm in arm or hand in hand. this is also why we were planning a second meetup last night. you idiot. you fool. you complete and utter moron

anyway, if anyone gets this ask:

it’s complete bullshit. theyre sending this to cherri’s best friends for some godforsaken reason. it’s very weird and deeply cringe. also incredibly poorly planned. idk how many ppl you sent this to, but a few of us are in a gc and we have been making fun of this ask for like an hour (anon, im one of cherri’s friends and she’s been telling a small group of friends about you— lol. lmao even)

anyway like. to reiterate. cherri’s one of my best friends, she’s absolutely lovely and i’m lucky every day to know her. we hang out and chat constantly and we’ve met irl and it was an incredible experience i would love to repeat. i have told her things i have not fuckin told anyone else and you could not otherwise waterboard out of me. i love talking to her all the time and i miss her when she’s busy for even like, an hour. i love writing w her and creating things w her. she’s an incredibly bright spot in my life, often the first person i think of upon waking and the last i think of before i sleep. she is kind and funny and i love her a lot.

i’m a bitch tho so like @ this anon go fuck yourself. you better hope that when you die that the devil finds you before i do. sending this ask to a bunch of our friends, trying to turn the people she cares about against her, and for what? you clearly don’t know her well enough to be talking like this. trying to ruin my friend’s reputation and friendships w a vague as hell and entirely baseless copy paste is super fucking weird. why would you do this? and like, do you think we were born yesterday to fall for this? i’m insulted for her for whatever it was you were trying to pull and i’m insulted on behalf of myself and everyone else you sent this to that you think we’re as stupid as you are. what is your damage. get a hobby.

[khaotungsfirst]

how can i ever expect to find a partner when i will never feel as intensely abt anyone irl as i do abt two kpop bandmates at 11:30 pm on a random thursday night???

[candymay]

So you aren't charmie. You are more of an elio/oliver/cmbyn fan is my guess.

I think there are a lot of us like that who don't care for or believe this longterm secret relationship by Armie or Timmy or any celebrity ship either cause this isn't the golden age of Hollywood where people had to hide that they were gay for fear of not having a career but also for fear of prison.

I think it's silly atp but my love for cmbyn, that movie, the work by both guys and Luca is real and to me that's grounded in truth versus a silly romance that's too crazy to believe.

Long term closeted relationships lasting 8 years. Lol. Also Timmy gives straight bro vibes. I'm not fooled by the occasional red carpet outfit.

Instead I enjoy Timmy and Luca's work and am rooting for continued happiness and sobriety for Armie wherever life leads him you know?

Luv luca and armie and sufjan and cmbyn so therefore everything in it too including the chemistry between armie n timmy n so on. Is charmie a one definition thing?

Some actors still have to/choose not to come out n the reasons arent as simple and naive as “u cant be a gay actor” or fear of prison (..lol?) but more for the strategic public image thats knda been instilled around “heartthrobs” esp in a market thats consumed heavily by girls and gay men - if u wanna reach that level of stardom. So it’s not like it’s illegal or they’ll have 0 gig babe, it’s just that it’s easier to be a straight white man, anywhere in most of industries, unfortunately. And then some ppl simply don’t wanna come out and it’s not always bcs of “hollywood”; it could be bcs of other reasons in their personal lives that we simply won’t know. They’re just humans w real human thoughts and challenges too. When you see it that way it becomes more reasonable and less ‘scandalous’ for actors to do that.

All that being said, i’m not saying i think anyone is or isn’t hiding their sexuality, but only bcs i never seriously cared about anyone’s sexuality to begin with - except if they wanna fuck ME lol. Idc ab Armie’s or Timmy’s sexuality or their private relationships (well.. Armie, i’ll hv my eyes on him bcs of the war trauma lmao).

But at the same time, I also don’t care if people want to stan or ship anyone as long as they’re being considerate abt these people’s privacy. I’m not gnna police how ppl spend their time as long as they’re respectful n spread love n fun stuff bcs I don’t understand what does it matter what ppl think vs. of what I think on things that aren’t even a little bit detrimental to anyone’s lives or society at large lol. So.. believe nothing! Believe the craziest shit ever! Do whatever, just be safe n dont make too much enemies n dont snoop around people’s privacy for the sake of whatever it is. Then it’s totally not cool.

[madamekaji]

nsft rambling && headcanon under the cut. talking abt abijahs sexuality i suppose? nothing graphic but still… informal language & such i did not care to make this a thesis statement LOL.

tl;dr: i think abijah’s gay. like barely skirting the bisexual label in terms of the fact that he has been with women/continues to be with women but i don’t think he’s actually attracted to women as human beings.

controversial take perhaps but i really don’t think abijah is into women outside of viewing them as a toy to sadistically use and then discard. like i don’t think he’s a kitty repulsed gay man but he literally only talks about women in sexual contexts in terms of bringing them harm and/or killing them. which is not to say he’s better with men because he’s a nasty nasty disgusting freak & degenerate of an ape but i truly think in contexts where just being exclusively with men was allowed & tolerated growing up that he would just be with men.

idk the fact that he’s so…. “fond”??? for lack of better word of men (“fondest heart”, “his pretty eyes”, probably more but im not rewatching rn so i can’t make a bullet point list rn) and the fact that any time he talks about women its something along the lines of comparing them to the government he’s about to violently overthrow, “your bones break like a woman’s”… as well as kaji’s statement about how he couldn’t “get off without making a woman bleed” (paraphrased)

like him being a misogynist is not news and it’s very evident by the aforementioned dialogue ^ as well as his treatment of women, such as his past tense baby mamas in his basement. bro is quite literally a human trafficker… but i think it’s notable that he uses “sweeter” (i hesitate to use that word) language with the men in his life then the women in it. to add, the men actually get to live & the women do not!!!

i don’t believe he’s “in the closet” by any means either. like especially not in japan where the VERY oppressive western standard didn’t really exist. he is a shameless creature and a BIG fucking dude so he could get away with a lot more back in europe. (not to mention years at sea without societal regulations…. pirate life, baby.) but i do believe his options in terms of escorts, as well as the.. again societal standard just normalized sleeping with women (makes him look and feel powerful to have a high body count, for example.) i believe he’d been with men back in europe (cough cough routley cough cough… as well as others) but it just wasn’t as easy && accessible as it would eventually be in japan. if he wanted to get his dick wet he just kind if had to settle LMAO

in short i suppose i genuinely believe he equates a human woman with something like a flesh light and nothing more, so i hesitate to call that an “attraction to women.” ppl aren’t attracted to their toys or whatever it’s used as a means to an end. (usually, anyways. agalmatophilia/objectophilia/etc. of course exist but i don’t think that’s what he’s dealing with here.) i feel like that’s what women have always been to abijah. a hole is a hole mentality. && i feel like he has to brutalize them to get anything out of it or else he wouldn’t enjoy bedding a woman.

he gives me the energy of men who are very clearly into men and would just be better off getting with their homeboy then continuing to yap on their alpha podcast about how they hate women in every sense including sexually because their standards are absolutely impossible, but how they praise and idolize men for fucking breathing LOL.

[ovaruling]

mostly a vent but—how do so many adults not only know so completely zero about nourishing themselves properly, but also have zero curiosity about their nourishment on top of that? like how are basic nutritional facts and basic food nutritional profiles and the barest RDAs not known and not even wondered about

like i meet adults every single day who literally can’t grasp the concept of a meal that they know and understand the components of. like. they legitimately don’t know or care what they’re eating at any point of the day but have complaints of many solvable symptoms of nutrient deficiency or saturation

even a large number of people who cook all the time will seem to have this incredible blind spot for knowing anything about nourishment

like there are people who think you legitimately don’t get nutrients from anything but animal flesh and leafy greens and then i’m supposed to act surprised when their bloodwork is a mess

and when i suggest “oh you may need to include more things like orange juice and potatoes and bananas and pumpkin seeds and dried fruit for other quick sources of electrolytes that aren’t just shit tons of sodium” after friendly discussions of muscle cramping despite water and Gatorade consumption

and they’re like “oh my god you’re so smart…,” lmao no i’m fucking not!!! fr how can you have persistent muscle cramping every day and not even WONDER if it’s related to what you do or do not put into your body. that’s my FIRST thought every time i have a palpable issue—“maybe i’m getting too little or too much of something, let’s get curious and think critically about what i’m currently eating and drinking”

especially people with chronic illness like me!!!!! come on now!!!!! how can you not even deign to google what nutritional advice you might benefit from!!!!

i’ve fr had people be in awe of my casual recommendation of eating more fiber. and even more awe about what foods contain fiber. like. you cannot be serious that you didn’t know that about your human body. you cannot be fucking serious!!!!!!!

how can you go through your day—through your adult life—not knowing or caring if you’re meeting your individual nutritional needs and how can you not even be CURIOUS about that if you know that you don’t know. ppl act like you need regular bloodwork to be able to suspect anything abt your body enough to try the very risky risk of simply eating more of xyz type of food (usually a fruit or vegetable god forbid) or something to just see if it helps with your issue ykwim. like eat an apple and maybe your gums will stop bleeding, matey. oh no cap’n i can’t i would need sooo much bloodwork to know if it’s ok to try eating an apple!!! come on now

like. i know im not a genius to just be knowing Feeding Yourself Properly 101. my parents never taught me a damn thing about nutrition and i never even learned it at school. it’s not hard. i know it’s not. so everyone else must just be stupid as hell abt this or willfully ignorant

and maybe they are bc the average western diet has most ppl malnourished despite a very, very large daily intake of calories so idk man IDK!!!!!

[slytherinshua]

I think cause I’m so stressed w school but still want to post I’m finally gonna focus on all the reqs in my inbox instead of my own brain thinking of fic ideas cause it’s so fried rn lol (watch me not follow through w this later on 🧍‍♀️) also just let me ramble for a bit this isn’t rly important but it’s just my thoughts as an author here on the blr.

(long rly pointless ramble abt requests and inboxes and blogs and writing etc etc under the cut if my thoughts don’t make sense at all it’s cause it’s 2 am shush)

like I love requests so much I love sharing brainrot and being able to write a fic for someone and making them happy w my writing it’s the whole reason I started writing in the first place. but I just love my own brain and the fics that I come up with on my own as well and I think it’s rly important for writers to consistently write things that their own brain thought of and write them just because they want to. I’ve seen writers put sm pressure on themselves to complete requests and I totally understand that but I kinda hate how they even feel that pressure in the first place bcuz it takes away the joy of writing and you find yourself unable to even think of what to write anymore cause it’s become associated with the stress of “getting it done” like some sort of school assignment. requests can be such a blessing and a way to connect a fandom more and build a community and even a little family within a blog but it can also be so stressful. feeling bad that you’ve taken too long to finish a request, having anons harass you in your inbox for not writing their request “quickly enough”, and the general entitlement ppl have adopted when they’re literally asking— ASKING someone else to do something FOR THEM. I don’t experience this too often and I don’t want any of the people who have sent me requests to feel bad for sending them in, trust me I LOVE the requests. but I do wonder sometimes if ppl on my blog wonder why I take so long to finish requests and why I never close them either lmao. cause it is quite different from all my moots’ blogs and majority of blogs on tumblr that I’ve seen… and I just think I always want to have that option for readers to spill their thoughts into a request without the pressure or expectation that it’s going to be answered quickly. closing and opening inboxes is an amazing way to work through requests systematically and consistently while also not getting bogged down by too many. and I think readers probably like that system(?) cause it’s a higher chance of their request getting done quickly! (and to those readers who send out the same request to a bunch of different authors idk WHY you do this idc if it’s just bcuz you wanted to see how we would all interpret it differently, honestly fuck you. bcuz it just feels so empty and pointless like you don’t actually care abt us as authors and our writing but just want to see how fast an author can get your idea written and posted. it’s like you’re using us as machines and testing who will be the fastest and who will stay on the loading screen the longest. it’s so disappointing tbh. and maybe this is also why i enjoy writing for lesser known groups bcuz when I get a request it’s so precious to me i know that the reader sent it in bcuz they actually like my writing and know I’ll be able to write for a group that they love that not many other ppl write for. despite the fact that I won’t get more than 10-30 notes for a fic from a nugu group doesn’t mean that it is less rewarding.)

but then again I’ve also seen readers ignore the authors rules stating that requests are closed or get mad that they are and it’s just… sigh… we are literally writing for free for your enjoyment, we spend hundreds of hours writing these fics whether they are “good” or “bad” they still take time and effort and love and a whole lot of brainpower and googling of synonyms and staring blankly at the two sentences you’ve written before switching tabs and procrastinating for 2 hours only to come back and finish in one flurry of motivation lmao. but for me having my inbox always open and welcome for requests feels like it’s actively counteracting the expectations for writers to pump out fics like some sort of machine to feed their audience while only getting blank likes as a return (this is truly JUST my thoughts and how I view it I’m not trying to say how I do things is better or how others work their blog is wrong or anything like that. if ur a writer and u rly focus on getting ur requests done lowkey I admire u cause I do still feel some guilt looking at requests I have sitting in my inbox from like last year although I am happy and content w my system and feel that it does put the focus on me and my creativity and less on the pressure to take others ideas and make a fic for them with the side effects of time pressure and guilt for not following through if that makes sense.) all that rambling is to say that now that brain is so focused on tasks that are much more important and I have less time to think of silly little delusions, having these requests sitting in my inbox waiting for me is rly nice :) and I’m rly excited to complete more of them cause most of you have given me rly rly amazing fic ideas <3

[possibilistfanfiction]

Genuine question, how did you figure out or realize the whole being butch thing? What does being butch mean to you?

idk if it was like… figure out? more so just putting a name to something i’ve always felt or known about myself. i came out as a lesbian, then i came out as nb, then i was like well i want gender affirming care so that must mean i am Trans™️, & it’s like… none of those words or kind of… vibes (lol sorry) quite fit? i don’t feel like a cis lesbian, & i actually kind of despise non-binary as a concept (don’t send asks abt this i won’t answer them lol, do ur own thing if u love it that’s cool); i think for me personally Transness is a little too serious & intense & limiting to how i feel. & im a white afab person in a smaller body, & honestly…….. we are often the wooooorst demographic of trans ppl lmao so i just didn’t even rly like some spaces i was in. i got the most important gender affirming care i wanted, i moved & i got married, i got to work remotely etc

& so just sitting with all of that it was like. ok well a lot of neoliberal queer spaces piss me the fuck off; i’m not cis, but i’m not TRANS in the way a lot of ppl (very validly) feel; i do Not like nb. i’d read stone butch blues before, i have a degree in critical theory where i worked a loooot w queer theory, obviously i’ve written abt queerness for ages lol. so then i was just like ah. butch. dyke. YAH! sweet. 100/10 feels amazing i love it

& i think for me i love those words most bc they’re rooted in really radical belief that i have. they carry an ethic with them that, at its best & most intersectional ofc, i want to act on, all the time. i want to show up for people & be protective & tough & strong but i also so deeply want to be nurturing & nourishing. i want to allow myself to be nourished & cared for. i think it feels rly wonderful to have a word for transgressive gender that sums it all up bc people lived it before me. they made that very specific & particular space to experience femininity in a way that doesn’t feel like a noose.

i think also butchness is so expansive! something that never sat right w me abt the way we talk abt transness in the west is that i don’t think there are ‘pre’ & ‘post’ transition selves. like… i’ve never been Not Me? like i came out of the womb a dyke. all i did my entire childhood is run around in the mountains, catalogue leaves, play w my dog, read nancy drew, & avidly watch + play any women’s soccer i could. i loved to fish & mountain bike, i grew up in the desert so gardening to me was a miracle. i never cared abt gender at all beyond like ‘well i guess i’m a girl & the women i admire just won a world cup, they’re badass’ & that was it. i liked boys clothes bc they were practical & felt better, but i just. didn’t think about it. ppl called me a tomboy which was fine, i liked scout in to kill a mockingbird so whatever. but i never felt “non-binary” & i certainly never felt like a boy.

& i am… still just like that lmao. i hated my boobs, point blank day 1 lol, but that doesn’t have to mean i’m trans, or that i’ve somehow changed in a way that requires separation from who i’ve been my whole life. i HATE the language of ‘dead/lived’ name; i hate the weird expectation that u should allow the state to have all of ur gender stuff on record (no fucking thank you, y’all can keep my legal name & i will be flying under the radar lol). so i think western transness rly just. irritates me. doesn’t fit. hasn’t ever fit.

so butchness is like. i am 8 year old jude, i’m just older now. if this makes sense ur butch lmao but. it’s this rly free space to play w masculinity in a way that doesn’t necessitate western transness, & also doesn’t necessitate a separation from maternalism, which i fundamentally believe in. i don’t even rly think of my own care as “gender affirming” & more just like… essence affirming. i didn’t want top surgery so my body could be read as male; i wanted it so i could look like me. i want my clothes to feel & fit in a Very particular way bc that’s how i like them. it’s abt practicality, efficiency, comfort.

& lastly to me butchness has a remarkable space for tenderness that masculinity on its own just cannot hold. like. it’s abt being protective & strong, sure, but it’s in service of others. always always always. so sometimes that looks like communicating calmly, sometimes that looks like infinite small acts of service for ur friends or ur partner. when i think of settling into myself it’s more about returning to who i knew i was when i was a kid, when i was the only person my dog liked & how it felt to sit on the swings when the sun was setting after the monsoon; it’s allowing myself to love like that — caring, & quiet, & full.

ultimately to me butchness is about devotion, more than anything in the world. devoted to safety, devoted to community. no one is devoted the way dykes are bc it’s how we survive. it’s how we have always survived — the steadfastness, the faith, the joy, even thru suffering, to not be boxed in. to help each other. to be funny & kind & thoughtful & not reject the absolute best parts of womanhood for the sake of a western box. to demand care. it’s so beautiful. devotion.

tldr it’s the best

[jackienautism]

edit : you know just ignore this entire thing im just stupdi 😭 keeping it up still but . yeah

my thought of the night:

idk idk. i just . it rly irks me when ppl characterize amanda as this ruthless killer? fnsjfnd like. that’s just. not it.? YES she is a killer and shit and she’s def no angel but. she wouldn’t stab me just because i asked for her pronouns?FNSJFNS LIKE

even UNDER john’s influence, that’s just not how she operates yk? she’s only like that whenever she believes lynn is attempting to get between her and john. she’s only like that bc of her unhealthy relationship. WITH JOHN. if john had NO influence in her life, had not taken her under his wing, she wouldn’t be willing to pull a gun on someone just bc they’re getting “between” her and him. she isn’t necessarily violent, unless i’m reading things COMPLETELY incorrectly. she’s only violent when her relationship w/ john is at stake LMAO

her kills (outside of her Attempts towards lynn) are typically an act of mercy. not to say that makes things any better, but. she doesn’t kill bc she wants to or bc she doesn’t have anything better to do. she kills adam and she STILL regrets it to the point of harming herself like😭 and the only reason why she’s there to witness kerry’s death, as another post mentioned and def explained much better than me, was bc of her inherent involvement w/ eric. it was probably almost like a . thing to bring her solace or whatever. and her rigged traps? it’s all to prevent them from undergoing the “rehabilitation” process. to prevent them from living the life, the trauma SHE had to live after surviving her trap. basically she’s saying that dying is soooo much better than whatever the fuck she had to go through lol

does that make her an angel? of course not. does that make her much more interesting and NOT ruthless? yeah. at least imo it does

like. she wouldn’t just beat me up for no reason. she’s not someone who would piss on me and also spit on my grave. like ? unless i’m just ?????? totallly mischaracterizing her? LIKE . even JOHN says that her emotion is her downfall. the reason WHY she is killed in the first place is BC she cares too much. she cares too much abt john and her relationship w/ him. THATS why she shoots lynn. and THATS why she couldn’t save gabriela. her loyalty to john means so much more to her than most things. she cares WAAAY too much, to the point that it kills her

and saying and implying that she’s a killer and is violent bc she wants to be just …. it rly disregards and takes away that aspect of her character

and i truly don’t think that her being added as a dead by daylight killer helps here either LOL LIKE. i wouldve looooved to see her as a survivor but i totally understand why she wouldn’t be one. but at the same time . she’s not LIKE most other killers there yk? she’s basically manipulated into being a killing machine. by fucking john. bc SHE was supposed to take over his legacy once he died. if john had NO involvement in amanda’s life, she wouldn’t be the way she is

and like….. yeah that’s what makes her character interesting blah blah blah BUT. and hear me out. amanda never killed before she was recruited LMAO she kills now bc she feels like she has to. to save ppl from whatever shitty fate awaits them

idk if this makes any sense at all but . idk it just irks me brother. bc she isn’t your typical slasher. she’s sooo much more than that. she isn’t inherently violent. she wouldn’t beat me up and call me names . unless she had a reason to yk😭

LIKE basiclalg what i’m saying is. yes amanda is a killer. but that doesn’t mean she’s heartless and mean and shit. in fact she’s the complete opposite?????

i could go on a whole thing abt her actions and whatnot in saw ii despite already being an apprentice by thag point, but i’ll spare y’all the details. but. how she held herself and others in that murder house? most of it was def NOT faked. she genuinely cared for these ppl and wanted to see them succeed. and look at how she sympathized w/ gabriela? she cares TOO much which prevents her from being the Great apprentice to jigsaw and his legacy

i forgot exactly what john said, but after hoffman told him that he didn’t expect to feel remorse after putting the guy in the barbed wire trap? he says smth along the lines of needing to be detached from your emotions… . and that’s something amanda CAN NOT do. she lets her emotions dictate her actions ALL the time

yeah ok i just checked and he said that theheart can never be involved... that it can never be personal... and you know what amanda does ALL the time? ESP w/ gabriela?

went all over the place here sorry. but saying that she’s the WORST person on the planet is just wrong. like. watch how she held herself in her interview w/ police and that rockstar deleted scene and then we can talk abt amanda .

idek what i’m trying to say here . uhhhmmm. amanda young isnt an inherently violent and shitty person, you all are just stupid

[matoitech]

i’m too tired of talking abt this irl to bother reposting it in its entirety rly but one of the major things that bothers me a lot w the dems campaign (As A Leftist bcuz whenever i talk abt politics and criticize the democrats on here ppl think im a trump fan bcuz they cant read) is that they’ve made like no campaign promises (not like id even believe them but they havent even bothered to do it), i haven’t rly heard harris say she’ll do anything except “secure the border” and pour more money into military and police funding (one of the biggest things biden did that they just never bring up bcuz it doesn’t help their campaign at all to remind ppl who skew even vaguely left how much they love cops lmao. or it least it didnt, now it hinges on that) honestly running against trump is probably the democrats dream bcuz they dont have to bother making any campaign promises or actually pretending to care about anyone or anything specific cuz they can just say ‘if u don’t vote for us it’s a vote for trump and u suck and ur evil and stupid’ and don’t have to do any fucking work. u dont have to make policy around what ppl need. i don’t think a lot of these ppl going hard for the campaign rn actually watched the dnc cuz the whole thing was just awful and threatening to watch from a standpoint of ‘yeah republicans r fascists but this is Not better’. they barely even brought up abortion. most of the dnc was to talk abt how strong and powerful and blessed by god america is and how strong our military is (‘most lethal’). the land acknowledgement was horrifically fucking racist if u think that has nothing to do w this and doesnt say anything abt them u should see the transcript. at this point theyre not even bothering to pretend theyre rly better theyre just saying it over and over and desperately fishing for right wingers Never Trump votes

[jakowskis]

Day 23 - Discuss Tosh. Opinions? Favorite moment? Least favorite moment? Any unpopular opinions? Any fun headcanons?

tosh my babygirl my princess light of my life angel darling… shes so good. shes so good 🥺 i love her dearly. she’s so damn underutilized i hate how the show regulates her to a supporting role + only uses her for romantic plots. WACK shes so much more than that. i want a plotline about her cyberterrorism like hello??? i want a plotline about her warped little mind.. i want a plotline about her finally learning spanish ;-; that show did not do her justice and it did not deserve her. i often say torchwood’s characters are too good for the show; tosh is probs the best example of that. no other character gets screwed over as badly as she does by the narrative (not even ianto!) she’s so tragic and lonely i just wanna give her the biggest hug ever. 

fav moment… every time she smiles. (or smirks. hrgh. tosh call me.) also every time she geeks out about smth. im tryna think of a specific moment but idk if i have one?? i just love her overall i smile every time she’s on screen she’s my girlie. when i rewatch i might rmr one though

least favorite moment, the absolute only thing i can think of (hell, my only complaint with her as a character other than i wish she’d get over owen cuz bad taste queen pls u deserve sm better) - it’s always bothered me how she goes over to owen’s flat in aditd and just starts babbling about her own problems. she even says something like “you think everything’s about you”, and in that ep it’s like ??? why are they all acting like he’s unjustified being miserable and angry when he's fucking dead?? like they're all so unsympathetic and mean, even tosh, and out of her it's especially weird?? tbh it just strikes me as ooc (+ kind of misogynistic highkey) writing. i mean, by all means, let tosh bitch, she deserves to blow off some steam + esp deserves to be rude to owen tbh fhsdkjfsd, but the way it’s done in that particular moment feels ooc and, like, how men write women as talking too much and never listening lmao u kno what i mean (owen’s tuned out in the actual episode but you can see her full ramble in the original script, on page 23). tosh has never troubled anyone with her issues before, why would she choose now to, and when she knows owen’s struggling? yeah, on second thought, i don’t hold that against her actually, that’s ooc to me fhdkf. thts just the writer being a wiener.

my only unpopular opinions (slash hot takes) are that 1) towen fucking SUCKS get her away from him, and 2) most people like tosh but she’s highkey underappreciated, esp in fanfic, because of fandom racism + misogyny. she’s not bashed like gwen is but she’s ignored completely which is nearly as bad, and a lot of it’s cuz she happens to be in a show with two white men in a gay relationship who are overwhelmingly prioritized 💀 i will never not be petty about the way that ship dwarfs everything else in comparison. also throwing towen into the background of janto is so gross n cheap. if ppl cared abt her they'd do smth more interesting. and it's never well-done either. ugh.

i have a few hcs that are gonna end up in my owento verse (gwen and tosh are prominent characters in it bc i love them, and their relationships w owen and ianto and each other also have value lawl). tbh a lot of em are just things i think they should introduce into their lives to be happier. i want them happy ;-;

she starts coding video games recreationally!! nothing fancy but she rlly enjoys it + also gets into the swing of making little storylines n getting to express herself that way which is good for her. owen playtests shit for her

her and gwen go on spa dates sometimes. they put it on the torchwood credit card

she gets into fish tanks and fish tank care!!! esp like aquarium plants. shrimp and moss balls, that sort of thing. maybe plecos or loaches. she loves it + it’s grounding, which is good for her bc shes otherwise always got her head in her computers yanno. she’ll sit by her tank while she codes her games and the water sounds are calming. 

she also sits by it while she studies her spanish books which she does finally do. she doesn’t get around to the piano, though; doesn’t prioritize buying a keyboard. maybe one day (this is a nobody dies au btw so she will in fact eventually get around to it ;-;)

oh she’s autistic have i said that. the fish tanks absolutely become a spin. she has a few we know of from canon - math and computers, obviously, but also history (gbg) and the uk’s rivers (from gooseberry; i think it was just the uk maybe it was europe’s rivers. or the world’s! i don’t remember). she also loves trivia like she knows a fair amount about quite a lot of things + loves accumulating random info

lowkey also. giving her a kitty. i think tosh should have a lil fuzzy kitty to keep her company 

well this is smth from my owandy verse but i think it should happen anyway. so it kind of kicks off bc gwen mixes up a blind date (it was gonna be tosh & andy and then owen & a friend of hers, but shes an adhd icon n bungles the invites <3)... tosh ends up with gwen’s friend, who’s straight, but they hit it off and she invites tosh to have drinks or maybe come to a bookclub meet or something with some friends of hers?? point is, tosh makes some casual friends. maybe meets a pretty girl there or smth 👁️ but mainly i want tosh to have girl friends like i think she grew up very lonely i want her to have some normalcy

also sometimes i like tosh x andy maybe they have a little meet cute at a torchwood crime scene or smth fshdkfd. i think they’d be cute and he’d treat her well. she'd babble abt tech stuff and he wouldnt understand a damn word but he'd listen very intently

i also like tosh x ianto for similar reasons. i think it’d be a kind of friends to lovers sitch... they should just be close in general tbh, platonically or not yanno, and in my owandy verse i like the idea of smth kicking off between them i just think theyd be so sweet

she’s a very sleepy drunk and also a lightweight. if the team goes out to drink she’ll get two glasses of smth moderately fruity and then fall asleep against someone’s shoulder it’s very cute (this is just cuz i like the idea of a sleepy tosh 🥺 my baby my baby shes so precious to meee)

[why-the-heck-not]

1, 2, 37, and a question you wish someone asked

Thank youu for asking !!

1: Age

23

2: Sexuality

Bi

37: Do you regret quitting any hobbies?

yeees big time. I used to do ballet for like 13 years but quit bc had to change to a different city bc they didn’t have advanced things where I used to go and all my friends quit somewhere at that point, so the last couple years I didn’t rly have friends there. Also I wasn’t like trying to go pro or anything and sort of that was as far I could go with it if I wasn’t rly going to be serious abt it. I think I also got too anxious and self-aware at that point (damn u 16-year-old-me)

96: What's the worst book you've ever read?

Picked this bc I’ve been wanting to rant about Normal People by Sally Rooney for a bit. Maybe it’s not The Worst book I’ve ever read, but it wasn’t good and for the amount of hype it has, it sucked.

My ”review” (if u can call it that) below SPOILERS FOR ”NORMAL PEOPLE” BY SALLY ROONEY

I feel like there was potential there but in the end it just kept repeating the same cycle of them being together and then getting separated. Like it just kept going???? It got old after like 2-3 times.

And there really wasn’t even an attempt made for character building. It was all very surface level and it felt like neither of them actually grew up during the years and got stuck with that high-school level of communication when they in fact were grown ass adults like?? Act like it!!!! What the fuck was the problem there like ,,?? If u want to be together, you can be together; you’re no longer in high-school and ”having to take care of ur social status” (which also is one tired old trope). Literally give us one (1) reason why tf it’s so hard to commit to eachother when u clearly can commit to other ppl?? If the intention was to make the reader frustrated with them, I’d be okay with it if the book gave actual reasons for that. But it didn’t bc it’s all so goddamn one dimensional. The ”they can’t be together bc they’re wired wrong and traumatized and mentally ill” just doesn’t work when you don’t dwell deeper into the underlaying issues. It especially felt like the author just gave up on Marianne’s character at the end and went with the ”oh she was traumatized? That means she has some kinks and that is now her entire personality”.

Also the ending just felt so rushed and I hated it. Nothing got resolved in a real way. The redemption arc? He got to succeed and had some opportunities etc., and she just got the guy and that’s about it. Yes, you could read it like in the beginning he had a loving family but no money, where as in she had money but not the loving family, so in the end they got what they wanted as a kid. But that’s so blah. There was nothing suprising about it. It felt like they both gave up and settled for whoever was left and it wasn’t out of actual love; just the residual feelings from pining after eachother for a million years.

Overall, it just felt pretentious and it didn’t have enough dimension to actually create believable mentally unwell characters. It barely had a plot. I get it from the marketing point of view bc an easy read that has some edgy topics sprinkled with fanfiction tropes, but it just wasn’t good.

(This is just my opinion, don’t let me deter you if I just bashed ur comfort book; you like it and that’s all that matters. Mine is A Little Life, so I’m in no position to judge lmao)

[postmanlinksbootyshorts]

i’m talking abt yarichin bitch club. read more'd bc this is SO fucking long

while lurking on twitter, i came across a thread of ppl discussing the older yaribu members’ views on consent. it was a bit weird, i genuinely thought it was antis having a normal one abt yaribu at first until i realized everyone in the conversation had ybc themed @s and either had antis dni in their bio or 🌈 🍖 in their display name

the general consensus was that all the older members would be willing to intervene/retaliate if someone was being harassed/assaulted except yuri and akemi, and they then proceeded to say akemi is wishy washy because he DID do something when shikatani was being blackmailed by his teacher, but at the same time he went through with gang banging tamura despite his negative reaction to it. the thread took place in 2021 (literally jan 1st lol) and ik a handful of chapters have came out since then, but i find that their observations of akemi still hold up well enough because there hasn’t been much development for him.

i do want to play devil’s advocate tho. since reading yaribu and rereading it at least 4 times since october i gotta say akemi is among my faves. i don’t dislike any of the cast fr but he’s so… interesting that ive found myself enamored with him since i think about him a lot while trying to make sense of his character and where he’s going in the story. he loves itome and cares for him a lot, but not enough to stay monogamous; he says he’s definitely over his ex, but he still keeps the picture they took on their anniversary in his wallet; he’s very perceptive when it comes to those he cares about and he’s not afraid to confront them about whatever is bothering them, but he doesn’t care enough to stop a gang bang when someone isn’t into it. there’s a lot of conflicting things with his words and actions and i love it.

a big point in that conversation is that akemi hasn’t been shown interacting with the 1st years a lot and that he kinda… doesn’t give a shit about them, but i disagree. akemi cares for all of the club members, he’s just very dedicated to the club. i think he also cares for the older members a little more because he’s been around them longer and he’s probably had sex with them all at least once (the only older member we haven’t seen him sleeping with is shikatani, but from his introduction for shikatani it’s likely that they have had sex).

akemi is a pretty polarizing character in the fandom and i find that, especially in today’s fandom climate, characters like him who are ‘wishy washy’ and aren’t an open book tend to be the discourse topic. i’ve seen ppl talk about him like he’s an actual villain and not… a messy character. he’s perceptive and blunt and he cares about his friends, but at the same time he’s very selfish and he does what he wants.

akemi wouldn’t (and hasn’t!) stood by as one of his friends were being harassed. before tamura’s gang bang he even said that he wasn’t serious about it, but because of his taunting and disobedience he went through with it.

anyways, none of the yaribu members are inherently good or evil, akemi and yuri are just characters who are harder to read and therefore are inevitably going to be topics of discourse for their own reasons (rapist!evil!villainous!akemi vs ableist!rapist!yuri). ppl are dumb lmao

[weirdo09]

ok so i just got back from seeing atsv and just oh my fucking god.

like first of all THE ENDING?! LIKE HOW OUT OF ALL THE (honestly small amount of stuff) SPOILED FOR ME HOW DID NO ONE TELL ME THERE WAS GONNA BE A TBC AT THE END?! I CANT WAIT HOWEVER MANY YEARS ITLL BE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT LIKE-

and like half the stuff in this film felt like a maaaaassssssiiivvveeeee metaphor for coming out like the “promise u won’t love me any less” (or whatever see said i’m bad at remembering exact quotes) and the fact that during Gwen’s speech to her dad EVERYTHING TURNED FUCKING PINK BLUE AND WHITE like cmon they aren’t even being subtle abt it u guys (@ the ppl who r denying it not u) just don’t wanna see queer ppl in media they literally could not make it more on the nose w/o making it an actual queer coming out story and not a metaphor (also when Miles and Rio were talking and he was trying to tell her “a secret” aka that he was spider-man and he was going all “i- i’m- i’m-” before bailing she 1000% thought he was trying to come out to her like as queer idk what other way she couldve interpreter that like srsly)

also not to be horny in asks but i need Miguel to fucking rail me for fuck’s sake hes hot and usually it’d be more likely i’d be into a mosquito than a muscular guy (it’s normally too generic yk)

and yeah that’s all my thoughts on the movie that’s i can turn into words (final random ones that idk how to format: Gwen and Miles were like extra baby in this one esp Miles + ik he has a wife and all but Peter and Miguel r definitely doing smthn like the vibes r there u cant deny it + Gwen x Miles is one of those ships that i don’t rlly care whether they’re romantic or platonic but i prefer them platonic and unfortunately the writers don’t seem to agree with me (kinda like Jopper except Jopper kinda grew on my entirely because of Willel being siblings bring extra extra canon) + not related to the contents of the film but there were these group of rlly annoying Neds sitting behind me and my friend who wouldn’t stop talking and going on their phones and i only heard one but according to my friend 2 ppl yelled at them to shut up and i heard them stop for like 2 seconds then start being bitches again it was so fucking annoying) and yeah damn that was a kinds long final thoughts thingy but yeah will this become my entire personality? idk we’ll have to see now if u’ll excuse me i gotta remember how to be a normal human again (hope this wasn’t too long lmao) :p

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(sorry had to let that out) (it’s happy btw)

yes yes the metaphors, made me cry n everythin,, miles n rio were just !!!!!!! i loved it mostly bcuz i wish that was how my mom would’ve reacted if i ever came out to her (spoiler alert, she didn’t and she found out on her own. she was not at all accepting which is typical)

i mean at first, i thought miguel was comical very comical for having beef with miles, who is half his age!!!! yeah after i got out the theater, i wanted to beat his ass 😡😡😡 but then i could kinda see his attractive still not an excuse, i’d still fight him on sight

peter + miguel, i mean mj would obviously approve,,, they’re my poly couple ok??? miguel n mayday get me in my feels,,, 😭😭😭 like i’ve posted before PETER B PARKER AND MIGUEL O’HARA ATE EACH OTHERS ASSES!!!!! yeah great times

miles + gwen, i don’t really see or care for them romantically.. idk i just can’t see their romantic coding… them platonically just seem so much better to me

sorry abt those Neds,,, they seem like total bitches and you make this movie your whole personality bcuz it will be worth it (secretly goin to make the movie my personality again)

[97-liners]

tw fatphobia, tw bodyshaming, tw ed in case //

i was just gonna post this on my blog but since ur discussing it,, its crazy how fatphobia is so normalized in the kpop community. like i fucking hate sh*ndong from suju and he should rightfully be hated on for what he's done.. but why is the first thing kpop stans target is his weight...? like not even his actual actions just his weight. we all know it's bc that's such an easy target for them to comment on. they act like its fine bc of what kind of person he is but what abt ur fat mutuals, fat kpop stans, or hell in general fat ppl that r same weight as him that see that. like ur not doing any justice targeting his weight when ur just being bigoted in ur own way. it's truly crazy how kpop stans glorify and praise abs on kpop men when they've literally spoken on they've gotten to that point by literally starving themselves. like woah kpop stans dont gaf abt their idols unless it's to objectify them even if they have to harm themselves by doing it. but also woah, kpop stans dont gaf abt fat ppl by how they target sh*ndong's weight or act like je*ngyeon's weight is fat or "unhealthy" when she's actually not (not that would be a problem if she was fat but yknow kpop stans act like anything not extremely fit/skinny is automatically "fat").... idk how to end this,, anyway thnx for listening. - Sincerely, a literal fucking fat person ( some reference right there huh lmao )

ur so right like there’s a billion things to hate shindong for and you’re gonna target…. his weight ???!!!??

and also i hate that ppl are obsessed with kpop abs like they just don’t care about fetishizing unhealthy beauty standards. or maybe they don’t know any gym rats in real life and don’t realize how much of having abs like that is starving. or maybe they don’t care because they think it’s hot… like we know ppls values go out the window once they’re horny …. or ppl think that men don’t deserve kindness or whatever. like just because they’re men doesn’t mean they deserve to have an eating disorder 😭

also tue jeongyeon thing drives me INSANE because she literally looked fine and normal even when she was at her heaviest 😭😭😭 like. kpop idols as a whole are so emaciated, ppl see an average human and think it’s abnormal … idols are not shy about telling us about their starvation diets we KNOW they’re not healthy 😭

[possibilistfanfiction]

hi i just wanted to say thank you for writing about queerness the way that you do - it’s incredible and has been immensely helpful to me lately. like i’ve agonized over wanting a haircut and a binder and to change my pronouns and have never had the courage to do anything about it, but reading your stuff is making me want to go through with it all. i had to pause a few times as i read your most recent piece (ava’s pov of butch bea) because i was overwhelmed with relief seeing ava and bea want that stuff too. i didn’t realize wanting it could feel so freeing. like i’ve never seen queer people written like that before, and never knew i needed to see it until now. it’s helped me feel okay about wanting the aforementioned things, and also okay about not knowing what i want or how i want to be. all around your fics are so healing and enlightening as far as gender and sexuality go, and gender and sexuality aside they are also flat out masterpieces. i cannot even begin to describe how much they, as well as your other posts on the subject, mean to me. thank you so much

:) thank u!

& i will say that i have spent the better part of the last 15 or so years just vibrating around trying to figure out what makes me feel good, especially in my body & how others perceive it. which is really hard! but trying stuff rocks — i figured out i wanted top surgery but not to transition in other medical ways bc i got a binder! the peace i felt with one felt right, & then i got to explore from there. i have had … so many haircuts lol & most of them have been good! (imo everyone deserves to buzz their hair at least once & just. deal with it lmao. a rite of passage.) now i don’t give a fuck about “what side of the store” clothes are on bc i know exactly what i want clothes to fit & feel like, & i have a tailor, so i just pay more attention to fit & fabric than i do any “men’s” or “women’s” demarcations, especially when most of the places i shop are mostly just vaguely androgynous earth tones anyway lol.

(of course this is with the caveat that there’s enough safety/financial stability but) try everything! especially stuff that’s not at all permanent!

there’s no way i would know what makes me happy & peaceful now if i didn’t try stuff in the past! do i want to wear button downs & chinos & have ppl call me sir?? no i would rather pErish. but did i always know that! of course not, & i got to have the space to try how that would feel. i definitely also know that i never want people to think i’m straight (lol but ppl are stubborn); i had a weird summer bc my hair was rly long, which i loved, but then started to feel just dissonant about… occasionally a little panicked by? (in addition to some transphobic nonsense thru work, which ofc doesn’t help). but once i sat down & was like what the fuck is going on — & felt safe enough to just sit for DAYS in dysphoria to try to figure out the root of it — i was like oh ok cool, easy, i can fix this. i knew i didn’t want to cut my hair rly short again (probably never again or at least for a Long Time, i don’t like ppl thinking i’m a man), but i didn’t wanna keep it long, so i was like ok great, stupid masc bob here we come, & my hairstylist is queer & has a soft butch wife, so i was set lol. but without getting to have space for the past decade to just try things, & to learn how to sit in dysphoria thru therapy rather than just Run Away from the feeling every time, that would’ve been a lot harder to navigate. i used to be VERY adamant abt they/them pronouns but i don’t feel that way anymore, & nothing earth shattering happened or has happened, i just… don’t care. i care more abt my privacy & agency than abt disclosing identity & experience than i do a pronoun, & so i get to make that choice whenever i want, which has been rly wonderful. & getting to try things will help you learn where ur most comfortable, especially as u continue to grow & change.

& like… it’s fun! queerness is so fun! i think beas queerness is fairly ~fraught~ canonically for obvious reasons but in any universe it’s nice to just let her take a fucking breath. kiss a girl, put on a hoodie, cut your hair, take a nap by the beach. it’s not so serious, not all the time. & ava is just FUN, her queerness is so so bright. to me it’s always just seemed like she was never Not queer bc ava has so much life to live & so so much to discover abt herself & the world. she’s falling in love with everything all the time, & with Wonder! & of course that includes queerness! it’s at the center of it bc it’s who you are & who you love, but it’s also just… people, & connection. i used to write rly angsty shit abt being queer & in moments of indulgence i do still enjoy a romp ofc to flex those wow sin & hell & an orgasm being so holy muscles lol, but queerness is my everyday life, & it shows up in the soft happy places more than anywhere else.

anyway, try everything!! especially a binder (bind safely!!!!!) & pronouns, even just online or w a few of ur ppl. if there’s a word you like for your identity, try writing it somewhere or just telling a friend (i texted my best friend that i liked the word ‘dyke’ a lot after having made ‘dyke on main’ jokes abt myself for ten years … we both just laughed). & of course haircuts & clothes are so fun, & they should get to be fun!

but even beyond that (& part of why i think ppl like reading stuff i write, maybe?) is that like so much healing for me in pleasure & peace in my queerness is so tied up in those same feelings abt … everything. food! sex! moving my body! my home! small acts of service! luxury! softness! skincare! the ocean! like whew, waking up & being like this brings me quiet joy, mary oliver was RIGHT, just lets the whole world kinda shimmer. not loudly, not in any remarkable way, but eating good food & having a good beer with someone who sees you for who you are; fresh flowers in the vase; LINEN PANTS; the dog asleep at your feet — all of those things to me are both queer & holy, inextricably together in my life. my wife’s queerness is very compatible w her religion & spirituality, & that’s rly rly beautiful to get to be around. queerness is abt deep care, too, in small ways: checking up on a friend after top surgery, still masking indoors, keeping my dog on lead unless i know her recall will be perfect. it shapes every part of my life. to me the mundane is the most glorious thing, & i have figured things that i love bc, for as scary as trying stuff can be (what if people see me? what if i hate it?) — you know, the most important question: what if you love it?

[antimnemonic]

yugo ☾★☆☠♒♥☮ since you were goin off the other day!

skjgjkgg sorry for taking 3 million years to answer this i lost the original post 😫

🌙 sleep

he sleeps like this

★ - sad

ok i had to think abt this and ultimately make stuff up lmao. probably built up a lot of bitterness over not seeing his father for most of his teens. he’s like well whatever i don’t need him!! i can raise myself!! and he sort of shrinks into himself thinking he doesn’t need anyone else (even tho there’s random neighbors and grannies looking out for him bc hello. a child.). carries a bark bark growl growl attitude into his older teens. but when he does find his father (what’s left of him lmfao) that bitterness just melts away. that’s his dad!!! and then, yuji as yugo remembers him is u kno funny energetic etc and ALIVE and whole. so to go starkly from that memory to not just a corpse but the remains of one after being experimented on to death is a lil bit umm mind breaking lol

☠- angry/violent

ok jumping off the traumatizing experience of finding one’s father’s vivisected corpse. he transforms reflexively and goes on a rampage thru the lab he found yuji in. pero ykw they deserve it. KILL KILL BITE BITE MAIM

♒️ - cooking/food

he grew up on microwave food but when he takes in kenji it’s like oh i gotta start eating healthy. for the child. so there’s a lot of experimenting in the beginning and kenji is his taste tester but kenji was raised on lab food so he doesn’t have any standards. but that’s part of how they become close as bros, two kids fucking around in the kitchen lmao. and then alice has an intensive job and uriko is usually in tow so he cooks for them as well. so much of yugo’s personality is wound up in being the strong guy who beats ppl up so he doesn’t otherwise have a soft outlet for expressing his feelings towards his loved ones, but cooking for them makes him feel like he’s taking care of them

♥ - family

wait this isn’t rly hc so much as just. interpretation lmao. he doesn’t have any bio family left but he’s just sort of allowed random ppl to fill in that part of his life. like gado is sort of an uncle/godfather. i think also that mitsuko lectures him, pulls his ear, etc

☮️ - friendship

when kenji reaches able-to-take-care-of-himself age yugo is kind of an empty nester. he realizes that he doesn’t have any hobbies and that he doesn’t know how to connect to ppl his age. but bc of his wolfishness he’s actually quite extroverted and gregarious. so he goes down to the gym and makes friends w a bunch of old guys. they like him bc he’s son-shaped and keeps them on their toes. but soon alice tries to get him to hang out with her normie friends bc otherwise he’d spend all his free time standing around watching construction sites

☆ - happy

the top of his head and under his chin are weak spots. pat for massive damage. i have the mental image of like, early in their relationship, alice calmed him in his wolf form down by doing the whole, tentatively reach out to the snarling monster, and gently stroke its face, breaking the hold bloodlust had on his mind. as such, it became a romantic gesture between them — it seems simple but a simple stroke on the cheek or just having his face held in her hands calms him down a lot. also in his wolf form he is very susceptible to head scritches and will even wag his tail about it. perhaps you can even play him like a bongos?