#like i have that experience too
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i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues
#oh the experience of being 13 years old and seeing all my friends talking about wanting to have sex and obsessing over it#and being like 'we are all literally WAY too young to be having sex what the actual fuck are you talking about#why are you even considering it when we have much more important things to worry about. like how much middle school sucks'#you know what though. i still stand by this. that was an entirely reasonable thought to have and i WAS being normal about it#anyway#mine#asexuality
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when i talk 2 friends about like, making a website/neocities. i hope it is clear that i am not saying Create Your Brand and Market yourself, or anything. or even like, make a site about You And Your Information.
make what social media for dogs would look like. make a wall of funny stock photos. make a dictionary of words you keep forgetting. write some basic javascript and make your favorite pngs bounce around the screen. fuck dude keep an unpublished journal in html + css, that'd be awesome too. putting yourself online isn't smthn everyone wants to do, and you don't have to have anything public to exercise and develop deeper digital literacy :]
like especially when you are learning, in my experience you're not gonna immediately make smthn that you even necessarily feel is satisfyingly representative of you, so like. why make that the focus.
a lot of creative outlets and hobbies didn't click for me properly until i started coding, and like. i dunno. just try it. do stupid things that don't matter. i feel a lotta ppl start coding cuz they wanna make a really crazy cool vn or rpg or so on. and i think you should hold onto that ambition. but also remember like. you can have fun and toys too. fun and toys is kinda how you get to the level of making a full game.
#uhh idk how to tag this sorry for rant just like. aWUAHG.#and i have plenty of nitpicks on myself already like .#these things i am saying are not universal. but i am trying to learn that they can still have value and be a part of a conversation.#making a 'full game' also is not any Better or superior to not completing something#in my own experience the difference matters more in like#how it feels to you?#i feel better about some things i didn't complete than some things i have completed.#but when i bring up the point about making a big epic game like.#i think about a lot of random ppl i have talked to who wanted to get into code and tried but then kinda gave it up when they realized that#it was a lot of work?#and AGAIN it's not morally superior or whatever to not quit#like sincerely if it sucks hit da bricks#like i have that experience too#but i wonder if i would have stuck with it quicker if i didn't set huge expectations for my first thing#and like. yknow#did what i eventually did and started with python coding fizzbop and snake
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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just how long is forever? // not long enough, with you
pssst. check this out on inprnt :]
#pssst also. you should click/zoom on this. for better quality and to see all my silly little details :] hooty hoo#this is my totkversary thing im just too impatient to wait till the 12th LOL. big shoutout to this game tht has ruined my life. and zelink.#zelink#light dragon#link#zelda#loz#totk#princess zelda#totk spoilers#link totk#zelda totk#tears of the kingdom#loz fanart#i had soooo much fun drawing this i really did. i think this is a good capstone piece for how much ive improved so far this year#i still have a long ways to go ofc but. i am pleased ^_^ nd i am glad i can use zink like experiments to do so hehe#anyway. YURI FOREVERRRRR BITCH#my art
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It can't be overstated how powerful the catharsis is when a scene of a character connecting with their wounded inner child is done right. The key poses...the expressions...the timing...storytelling like this can help to provide some healing for so many people in the audience.
#(hear it from me as a former therapist --)#I basically have had many sessions with clients where it's WAY easier to visually show them what inner child work is like#rather than verbally trying to break down the concept and explain it to them in mere words#if you show them visually it hits the subconscious right away. bypasses the conscious mind and cold logic#to show this in the form of art drives the concept home that much more#that's why we need stories about healing done right#the How to Connect Lovingly part is soooo hard to do honestly (speaking from my own personal experiences too)#it's so easy to keep loathing your wounded inner kid and finding him/her/them pathetic#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#jinx arcane#isha arcane#arcane#literally like...now that I have seen this scene I want to dig up the old photo of smol me that I used in my own therapy --#to connect with my own horribly traumatized inner kid
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!
#ISAT#in stars and time#siffrin#loop#I truly mean it when I say that this was the best game I have played since Disco Elysium.#It pulls off some of the best examples of Ludonarritive Harmony in a video game...possibly ever?#Not to mention just...wow. What a great story. What a tale of twists and introspection. What a tale about the need for home and connection#I know many of you have trusted me before with media recommendations. Trust me one more time.#Do you want to experience the torment of being in a timeloop? And *still* have fun and feel like your time is being respected?#PLAY IN STARS AND TIME!#Do you yearn for complex characters and love unravelling mysteries? PLAY IN STARS AND TIME!!!!#Please heed the content warnings; I took them a little too lightly on my playthrough! They are there for a reason! Don't be like me!#This game means a lot to me and so many others. On the small chance the dev sees this (they are on tumblr after all):#Thank you so much for all your hard work in creating this game and seeing the project through.#It has been a year for us fans but many years for you. So thank you!#I hope it has been a joyful year for you! Watching as people descend into shrieks of agony from playing your game.#It's good! It made me vomit blood. I had so much fun! I felt like I was torturing the protagonist when I played it. I loved it! I cried.
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
#i realised too late that it has been more than a fuking year (august 9)#and for context: ive had 3 different intagram art accounts and i deleted all 3 of them a few months before creating them. anxiety amiright#here it has been so different bc people are so nice??? it has been a pretty plesant experience here w all of u really#im so glad to have found myself in such a wonderful part of the fandom and amazing mutuals that i never talk to bc im shit w texting#the atention has been overwhelming ngl. i have over 2000 followers which. holy fuck???#it doesnt feel like a real number and for my own sake im nnot gonna treat it as one#like i apreciate the support and ppl liking what i do but im not here to make number go big yk? im here to connect w other humans#and yall have been amazing humans ^^ thank u for all the wonderful tags and comments and the support overall#it has been so cool sharing my art and finding other artist whom i respect oh so very much. some of them even follow me back wtf#i hope to continue being here for as long as i can and keep growing as an artist and sharing that process with other without fear#also my amy redesign actually goes so hard idk why i forgot about it nxnfbcncb#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#amy rose#nov.aart#nov.junk
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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happy pride to all queer children of immigrants
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#muertodraws#queer art#queer comic#lgbtq#pride#trans artist#qtpoc#trans art#transgender#transmasc#mlm#if youre a queer child of immigrants you deserve free lifelong therapy#this comic was originally going to be a “i feel like a freak” cuz im trans and people dont know what to do with me#and then it turned into like. oh god this experience is compounded by your complicted relationship to uhh well#being mexican and a child of immigrants#i was originally going to add a quote from a jose marti poem but idk i didnt want this to get too long#i think if i did that i would prolly attract the attention of latine purists and nationalists lmfaooo#i already have people who dont even believe im mexican much less a child of immigrants much less a man#the most common hate i get now is that im a confused white woman gringa who isnt latin american#besides the transphobia im just like. have you ever heard of a diaspora#anyway#hope someone enjoys this
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i think what i adore about ladynoir beyond high school age (18 and over) is the opportunity it leaves for some of the most DELICIOUS best friends to lovers scenarios. because, like, two people who've been fighting side by side for years? who've known each other long enough to make jokes about it, haha remember when we were fourteen and you-- we AGREED to never speak of it!!!! who've spent so long learning each other inside out, even, in chat noir's case, getting over feelings, that the idea of anything romantic between them is so far off the radar that they don't feel the need for certain boundaries, because why would it matter if they made jokes about how attractive they find each other, about getting married, about how they could totally mess with the rest of the miracle team by pretending they're hooking up because it's so far out of the realm of possibility.
but then there would be that imperceptible shift. the moment where one of them makes a joke and it feels just a bit more loaded than it should. gazes lingering where they never lingered and playful smiles turning curious. the sudden awareness that, while maybe they were cuddling on a rooftop with their best friend, they were also wrapped up in the arms of someone they trust with their lives, and is extremely attractive, and, wait, if the only reason it was platonic before was because there were no feelings, what does THIS mean?
THE TENSION. THE PINING. THE INHERENT MESS OF BEING IN YOUR TWENTIES. PLEASEEEE
#as i go through more things in life i ache for ladynoir to experience it too#i want them to be at a grocery store and for him to reach out to tickle her and she turns around and makes a joke but their gazes linger way#too knowingly#i want them to sit down and have a 'okay like this is so tmi but isnt the concept of sex so weird??' conversation#i want them to joke about starting a podcast together#make impulsive amazon purchases that make no sense#find a song that one of them hate and then continuously play it on loop#compare spotify profiles and one of them steals the other's login to sabotage their spotify wrapped for the year#do you know i am so normal about ladynoir#♡alizeh talks♡#tagged:ladynoir
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Actually I think we should talk about how incredibly fucked up it is for sapphic women to say shit like "I'm no better than a straight man 😔" when attracted to a woman in a way that isn't 100% pure and wholesome, or act like men's attraction to women is inherently dirty, predatory, or objectifying.
#like i mostly get impacted from this as a straight trans man#and the way people- even my friends- have acted like my attraction to women is now morally worse since i came out as trans#but this also affects like. bi/mspec men? it's shitty to shame them for their attraction to women!#and even cishet men. acting like objectification or predatory behavior is just inherent to male attraction to women#let's shitty men off the hook because 'they can't help it' or whatever#or victim blames anyone abused by a cishet man because 'what did you expect from being in a relationship with him'#yeah so like. sapphics stop saying this challenge#transhet#anti-transmasculinity#again i'm tagging because that's my personal experience with that sentiment but it has a ton of other issues too#antimasculism
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Why are your children bound by rules you will not follow?
Critical Role, Campaign 3, Downfall Parts 1-3 // Commandments of The Prime Deities according to the Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn
#you ever think about the ways the gods so often do and occasionally do not follow their own commandments? cause I do. too much#critical role#cr downfall#cr campaign 3#the lawbearer#the wildmother#the dawnfather#the arch heart#the everlight#the matron of ravens#the prime deities#underconsidered part of the 'rules you will not follow' is that celestials are a very unique being. they are not really mortals#and even mortals as we have seen in the campaigns are given much leeway with interpreting the commandments of their deities#i mean. deanna full stop asked the god who grants her power if he was worth saving and did not experience the fjord-like symptoms#of waking up powerless#the gods are like mortals#and like mortals cannot be contained absolutely by rules - no matter how much some of them like the lawbearer might wish that were not true#thats the tragedy. the gods treat their own commandments as mortals treat their commandments: ideals. things to strive for#but not always things to be reached :(#abubakar salim#noshir dalal#nick marini#taliesin jaffe#ashley johnson#laura bailey#brennan lee mulligan#web weaving#web weave#my post
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doing chibi is a good design exercise bc it forces u to think on shapes n essential details, essentially thumbnailing ur designs. its also a terrible design exercise bc it ends up looking cute no matter what
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#very specifically class swap bard!riz#fh class quangle#mm. I may need tags for all the asides Ive been doing lmao#riz's canon design is so coherent and thematically clean that I genuinely struggle to keep up...#bard!riz's whole thing is working out his identity through abject fear so it kiiiinda makes sense that hes got a different thing going#on every year I guess? like lmao the directive I go into each of these designs with changes vastly#freshman bard!riz has to look extremely nonthreatening. and also make you wanna pick him up and chuck him at a wall#annoyingly inoffensive. slides off your memory pretty much immediately. a void of an experience#crucially Does Not Show Teeth While Smiling#sophomore year bard!riz I have been keeping the like. cameraman direction for#I want him to be swimming in clothes a little bit... he kinda lands at like. 80s/90s shlocky horror protag too which I do like#bc what is season 2 to riz if not a horror story lmao#junior year bard!riz I want to be somewhere between clark kent and tintin#the journalist aesthetics is not so clear and easy to build as the detective or spy aesthetics...#but also I just. really like boy journalist lmao this is the BD blood speaking again#and! I actually do draw his hair differently than in my canon junior year riz stuff. its a bit shorter here so it doesn't#obscure as much of his face#its so funny actually going from drawing canon stuff to class swap esp. with riz bc he's smiling SO much here#and it's 100% trained like its crucial for u guys to know he is equally if not more fucked up as a bard#barely anybody can wrangle him in canon it's already been mostly him keeping himself on track. imagine if he actually learned how to act#mmm. I think these designs are still gonna soft change as I draw them. thats fine we have fun#drawing sophomore year bard!riz for those comiclets was fun as hell. I think on this factor alone I call it a success lol
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Jewish friends.. Stay safe, I love you, please take care of yourself, keep doing your best even though it's hard so often lately. You deserve good days, mutual respect, care and love.
#jumblr#saying what I need to hear tbh#I feel like my old anger has come back a bit lately#and my inability to trust anyone i meet.. too#Like. You know the experience where someone's neurons connect and realize you're Jewish and their whole face changes?#the pit you feel when it's just. visible their feelings about meeting you have changed?#oh boy#anyway goodnight everyone#i hope everyone has a good day even if you're not jewish :) just needed to wish another person like me who's feeling similarly..better time
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i had a dream last night that i organized a tumblr meetup and we all agreed to go to a local bar together. so i go to the bar but it was a really busy night and i didn't want to ask every stranger "are u here for tumblr reasons" bc that's embarrassing and i'm shy. so i just got a drink and felt very awkward & hoped someone would approach me. tried to look inviting and like i was from tumblr but not like i was "from tumblr". when i left some girl stopped me to ask if i was there for the meetup but i was too shy and asked what's tumblr?
in the dream i went home to make a post about how nobody showed up to the tumblr meetup but my entire dash was people saying they'd gone to the bar but were too fucking shy to admit to being on tumblr so we'd all just had a drink and gone home
#i have very vivid usually very logical dreams due to my ptsd#i'm skipping the part where i was really nervous about what to wear bc i didn't want to wear the wrong thing#also the drinks were all pink & with umbrellas . also after this in the dream there was this guy#who had been there in a chicken costume and was ''funny'' but then he was always outside my window#down the street . in the store. etc.#just standing there . moving like he was drowning. he kept signing that he was choking#and i was too scared to help while his feathers .... floating and bloated in the dry air#.... while he begged me with his weird puffy wings. silently. choking and choking and choking. his toes barely touching down#and meanwhile im like sorry dude i gotta jump on tumblr to talk about this bar experience#dream me: okay the drowning on dry land chicken guy is fine. but i draw the line at social anxiety
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