#like i have friends which are gr8 but sometimes it's like i wish i had the same kinda outstretch of an internet fandom

[jrueships]

i wish more ppl watched the kinda shows i do but also have the similar humor i do :(

[rynhaswritersblock]

hallway bookworm (hc) | p.p.

a/n: hi my name's ryn and i'm in love with writing headcanons... they let me show my two personalities: deep-loving-philosophical-bubbly + memebot-rat-tiktoker-minecraftGOD which i ADORE

summary: girls reading and crying while walking in the hallway sure do seem to have an effect on peter parker.

warnings: some cussing (as per usual), uhhhhh fluff?? yeah????? oh yeah and terrible writing i couldn't deliver as well as i wanted i'm sorry

+ + +

- AIGHT FOLKS so listen

- you're in the middle of a really good book, right?

- like, really good

- btw pretend this is your favorite book

- so you're like right in the middle of a SUPER important scene and guess what

- the GODDAMN BELL DECIDED TO RING

- TIME TO GO TO CLASS

- BUT ARE YOU GOING TO STOP READING?

- ?????

- ???????????????

- HELL NO!

- so you're like... autopiloting your way to class, nose stuffed in book, tears streaming down your face bc you're at a serious part

- and that's when peter parker sees you for the first time

- NOW

- we all know that peter is a complete disaster

- especially when it comes to pretty girls in the hallway who also appear to be nerds according to the fact that they're literally reading and crying while walking to class in the middle of a highschool hallway during passing

- so naturally

- this mans stops walking

- let's be honest: who expected peter effin parker to be able to function after seeing what he saw??

- who?????

- "peter-"

- unresponsive.

- "peter, move your flat ass," ned mutters, shoving him from behind as peter watches you walk in the opposite direction to your class

- he finally regains himself (jeez)

- poor guy's heart is racing and chocolate eyes are wide in bewilderment as he stumbles alongside ned to physics

- "why do you look like you just did drugs for the first time, dude"

- "i just saw a girl"

- "of course you did"

- "no, nED" peter says, looking over at his best friend, a smirk on ned's lips.

- "she was like, reading a book, tears streaming down her face. and she was still walking without even watching where she was going! and she was like, beautiful, too, ned-"

- "jesus, peter! calm down. but yeah, i saw her. that was y/n." ned states, way too calm for peter's chaos

- this man stops in his tracks

- "you know her?!"

- "yeah, like everybody does. she's not one of those people, but like, she's really nice and funny and she's captain of the debate team." (a/n: if one of y'all DARES to say something like "couldn't be me" or "bitch i wish".... first of all this is fanFICTION so we're all pretending to be a better version of ourselves WOOT WOOT and second you can be anything you put your mind to my dudes!!!!!!)

- peter sighs as they walk into class, mind stuck on your name, not paying attention to the lesson at all

- ...WHEW

- so that was very in-depth

- in case you couldn't tell

- NOW HERE'S A SUPER ROCKING FUN TIME (babysitting service iykyk) LIST OR WHATEVER OF THE REST OF THE STORY YAYYYYYYYYYYY

- peter became dedicated to finding out your classes and where you'd be at certain times just so he could see you for at least a second

- like

- homeboy was WHIPPED

- and to his luck

- !!!!!!

- one day after a particularly long day of school, our boy headed into delmar's to get his sammich (i giggled while writing sammich fyi) before he went on patrol

- and GUESS WHO WAS SITTING AT ONE OF THE TABLES, LEGS CURLED TO YOUR CHEST, BOOK IN ONE HAND AND SANDWICH (sammich) IN THE OTHER?????

- YOU!!

- the boy froze in his spot, the door almost crushing him as it flew back in the doorway before he finally snapped out of his trance

- his gaze didn't leave you as he walked up to the counter, mr. delmar clearing his throat after a few seconds to get pete's attention

- "oh! sorry,"

- "it's fine, kid. i see you're particularly interested in that young lady-"

- "UM i'll have a number five with pickles and smush it down real flat, please, thanks" the words tumbled out of peter's mouth, cutting mr. delmar right off

- the man's laugh rumbled as he nodded his head

- pete hesitated before leaning over the counter

- "you wouldn't, uh, you wouldn't know anything about her, would you?"

- a knowing grin tugged at mr. delmar's lips

- "y/n. she comes here at least twice a week, orders the number eight with a coca-cola every time, and always reads a book while eating."

- a slight, crooked grin grew on peter's face as he comprehended everything

- "good to know, thank you, mr.-"

- "go and sit with her."

- HAHA

- FUNNY

- POOR PETER'S FACE JUST

- HIS EYES GOT WIDE AND CHEEKS BLOOMED BRIGHT RED

- HAHAHA

- "you want me to.. what now?"

- " go sit with her. she won't bite." with that, mr. delmar handed the kid his sandwich and a pack of gummy worms, nudging his head in the direction of you

- peter nervously took the items, clearing his throat and mustering up all the confidence he had (which honestly wasn't much, especially since he wasn't in the spider-suit)

- and he walked over to you and plopped down right across from you

- you jumped (scaredy-cat), eyes leaving the page and meeting peter's, a look of surprise instantly etching your face that made peter regret every decision he'd ever made

- you relaxed slightly when you recognized the face in front of you, setting your book down (still keeping it open though)

- "oh, hi, peter,"

- HI WHO??????

- ME??????????????????

- THIS BOY COULD NOT COMPREHEND THE NAME THAT JUST LEFT YOUR LIPS

- "you know my name?" peter stuttered out incredulously

- "of course i do, you're on the decathlon team. plus i'm friends with ned and sometimes he just can't shut up about you."

- homeboy silently scolded himself for not even knowing who you were until like a week ago

- "oh," he laughed nervously, "cool,"

- ako-taco moment of silence

- "i'm y/n," you blurt, "by the way,"

- "i know," peter nervously laughs

- by SOME force of nature

- the two of you strike up a conversation!! YAY PETER

- you talk about the book you're reading and decathlon and debate and school and life and stuff

- and honestly peter just about forgets he has to go on duty

- until he hears sirens in the background, eyes widening

- "UHM, uh, i just remembered my aunt needs me home-"

- this kid rambles on a bit too much

- you laugh and wave him away

- "go do your thing. it was great talking to you, peter"

- poor petey was going to FAINT if you said his name like that again

- and so

- THE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEGUN! (reread that in korg's voice it makes it even better)

- peter would often hang around delmar's longer just in case you'd be there

- he deadass made spider-man a second priority to you (although he didn't admit it)

- he's WHIPPED

- alrighty guys real talk i'm in love with this whole concept itself but i don't know how to deliver it right so i'm just gonna give a brief rundown of the rest of the story and let you guys' imaginations do the rest

- you two keep running into each other at delmars

- eventually it leads to you two hanging out at peter's apartment (HOMEBOY WAS HIGHKEY FREAKING OUT LETS JUST SAY)

- (HAVING A PRETTY GORL IN HIS ROOM MADE HIS HEART BEAT LIKE HOW IT DOES ON THE LAST ROUND OF MARIO KART IYKYK)

- and you two become gr8 friends!!!!!!

- UNTIL

- PETER WORKS UP THE BALLS TO ASK YOU OUT YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

- and you live happily ever after woot woot

+ + +

the writing in this sucked

it's a really cute concept i am just unable to deliver

oh well lmao

[mrs-n-uzumaki]

Hello! I’m sorry to hear about ur parents circumstances & ur childhood. I don’t wish it on anyone. I’ll always believe victims. I do believe Tony felt unloved but I don’t think Howard didn’t love Tony. Howard was also old when he had Tony. My parents r too old & lost their patience altho they were patient parents before &we are all adults, imagine having kids when u r too old. Howard wasn’t a gr8 father bt I think he loved Tony. Maria too she was neglectful, she allowed “abuse” to go unchecked.

[Anon cont’d] Oh btw! I do like the character :D and I was mostly referring his comic counterpart than MCU. Tony in 616 has been so unreliable when it comes to Howard. Unlike MCU Tony where he has stayed consistent with his criticism of Howard. But 616, not really. Sometimes Howard is “honourable”  and sometimes “he didn’t love”. Sometimes “I miss him” and sometimes “He never cared”. So yea, pretty inconsistent. Oh I stay anonymous cuz Tony Defense square will tear me down xD            

Thank you for your comment about my upbringing. I don’t wish it on anyone either.

Again, Howard did love Tony, I’m not disputing that. In fact, no one is. The focus here is the way he raised Tony. That’s it.

I can’t speak much about the comic!Howard because, a) I haven’t binged on the comics as much as I did the MCU, and b) everything that I have come across about Howard was in no way portrayed in a good light.

Regarding the “inconsistencies” of Tony’s feelings, I disagree entirely. I actually think it’s a very accurate portrayal of a kid who grew up abused but still felt the love for their parents. You can love your parents, but you don’t have to like them.

I have a friend who still goes through PTSD because of the domestic violence she had endured, to the point where I begged her to see counselling because she was becoming suicidal. But she still doesn’t inherently hate her parents. She decided that they’re the type to love from a distance.

And I have more friends who have come to the same realisation with their toxic parents. Their words mirror Tony’s feelings for his father, “[they] didn’t love me”// “[they] tried the best [they] could” // “I hated [them]” // “I loved [them]” // “I miss [them]” // “I’m glad [they’re] gone.” It’s unfortunately a vicious rollercoaster that would take years of therapy to help get off of.

I can’t speak on behalf of comic!Maria because I know absolutely nothing about her. As for MCU!Maria, we have so little screentime of her that we can’t determine what sort of mother she was or if she left the abuse “unchecked”. There’s not enough evidence. We only know that Tony loved her with all his heart and was more devastated over her death. Based on that, you can tell which was the better parent.

I can enjoy the character of young!Howard to an extent in the MCU, but I can’t bring myself to enjoy him at all in the comics. He was a horrid father. It doesn’t matter if he was brought up like that, or that he was “old”? It seems like to me  that at this point you’re just trying to justify why you like the character? There’s no need. If you want to enjoy a character, no one is stopping you. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve enjoyed my fair share of problematic characters, and at the same time, I acknowledge that they can be horrid people and we can’t make room for excuses where there is none. (My biggest example is Damon Salvatore and how I found some of his actions inexcusable, whilst at the same time, enjoy shipping him with my favourite character Bonnie. But that’s only when he becomes redeemable.)

P.S. On the contrary, debating as anon does not help anyone’s cause. It’s far more respectable to argue face-to-face. Or, you know, blog-to-blog. If anyone bullies you about your opinion, just block ‘em.

[astrologyturtle]

What I Think About the Signs

These are based off people’s sun signs i know irl (I’m obviously going to have my biases considering I have an air dominant chart yeet)

Aries: One of my best friends is an Aries! I LOVE HER TO DEATH. YALL ARE FUCKING CRAZY & I LOVE IT. but anyway Aries being stereotyped to being passionate is actually real. There’s just something about the way they talk about something/someone they like that just makes u want to listen to them ramble. They’re also really good peptalkers and make u feel good about yourself. They make u feel special too when ur being insecure/ laying out ur problems to them ! They can be a little upfront about how they feel/want (ofc depending on other aspects of their chart BUT) they do that to make things work. Having arguments with them can really be awkward for signs that don’t like confrontation/argument in general but they don’t hold on to that anger for long which is something I really really admire about this sign. Keep that fire going, Aries 😩🔥🔥

Taurus: One of the signs I have a love-hate relationship with. These signs can either be reallyyyyyyy toxic bc of how stubborn they are or they can be the sweetest/most gentle people you’ll meet. For some tauruses with a little extra stubborness in their chart are really (at least for me) HARD to get along with. As a Libra, I really do try to understand where people come from so I guess that’s where I get all this patience to make sure no one is left unheard and I also really value my friendships too. Let me tell you it takes a LOT a LOT for me to hate someone but when I do it’s probably with good reasons and this sign gave me those exact reasons to hate someone :( BUT for the ones I’ve gotten along with they’re really good with their hands ! Be it cooking or painting you name it ! They have really good aesthetics too so if you’re an art/fashion hoe these people are your go-to for some advice. They’re also really into a lot of volunteer work be it for charity or just helping the community or their loved ones. Most of Taurus people I know do Acts of Service to show their appreciation for you and I think that’s pretty sweet 🥺 Your aesthetics are bomb, Taurus 🌻

Gemini: Let me just say these hoes are some of the most talkativeee signs. They’re really friendly too. I don’t know a lot of Gemini’s but from the ones I know they’re really good at keeping conversations and they legit have so much to say! The fact that they jump from one topic to another gets overwhelming but that’s exactly what makes them exciting and fun to get to know! I can’t really say anything negative about these signs since I barely know any but I’ll update this when I do :) Wish I met more Gemini’s 💨

Cancer: Ok but hoooooly shit these signs are MOODY AF let me tell you. One moment they’re all fun and games and then they’re suddenly sulking and pouting for some weird reason ?? They hold grudges too and I hope they learn not to :( But once you’re used to their mood swings they’re honestly just the sweetest babies. If they could come in warnings it would probably say “caution: fragile”. Having late night talks where u just spill ur heart out to them is honestly the most therapeutic thing. They’re also really thoughtful and know exactly what to give their loved ones which is honestly such a gift. If you’re someone who likes to take care of everyone then they are your people. The most important things about this sign is their intuition! Listen to them when they say something’s not right because chances are they’re right about it! You make me feel safe , Cancer 🌊

Leo: One thing’s for sure with Leo’s, you really can’t go wrong with their loyalty. They are the type of people who would fight for u! At least the ones I know don’t really love the limelight but they sure wouldn’t hold back in showing off their loved ones 😍 expensive parties, gifts, social media posts anything to show u off. they really know how to make u feel special and that’s pretty sick. they’re also really good company as they know how to have a good time. Can’t say anything bad about them either since I don’t have a lot of them in my life :( Shine your light, Leo 🌞

Virgo: Oh. My. God. I have so many virgos in my life. They can be passive aggressive which really gets on my nerves 😂 they’re really really meticulous in the little things and try to fix every. single. screw up. They can be insecure af bc theyre very self-aware but that just makes me wanna love them even more. These people will give gr8 advice and opinions straight to you which honestly is very very helpful. They help you see things practically and really just ground you. They are extremely hard workers sometimes to their breaking point which is why I think they can really go far in life. They’re also really thoughtful and selfless people and I hope they treat themselves from time to time because they really really deserve it. Their motivation is actually contagious which are one of the many reasons why I love them. You are enough, Virgo 🍃

Libra: Lmao my sun sign. I haven’t actually met a lot of Libras but based on the ones I know (and myself) we can be really really indecisive which I know tends to annoy other people but know that we do it bc we like to weigh our options and pick the best option that everyone agrees with. We can be people pleasers and want other people to like us which is what I tried to do in my younger years. I’d always felt like it was an attack when someone wouldn’t like me but yes, we can learn to stop being people pleasers when we’ve had enough. We hate confrontation ! It gets really awkward because sometimes I think that saying how I feel/think is a personal attack to someone but I’m working on it. My dad and a close friend of mine is a libra and they’re really good at making u see the other side of an argument/situation which is one of the things I love about my sign and I hope other people love that about us too. We keep it fair and square for y’all 🌬

Scorpio: I have mixed feelings about this sign. I either like them a loooot, don’t like them, or just feel eh about em. They can be pretty intense when u get into an argument with them (or at least the arguments I’ve witnessed) because they give off these really intimidating vibes. I guess it’s the intensity of their eyes. Some of them can be pretty passive aggressive too which again can be annoying but some can be pretty straight to the point and almost feel like they stab u right in the heart with their honesty. They. hold. grudges ! They can be pretty closed off too :( so u probably wouldn’t really know them until they decide to open up to you which honestly takes a while and I know they do that to make sure u don’t screw them over. They can also be really selfish and stubborn when they feel like you’ve neglected them so watch out for that sfsfsfgs but these can also be the nicest, softest, and sweetest signs. They make u feel loved and are really good listeners when your have problems and when they care about something/someone they care about you deeplyyyy fr. The smallest unusual things can put them off but giving them reassurance and talking about your issues with them will calm them down. For the more outgoing ones, they can make u feel welcomed when you’re in a new environment. Your intensity is something else, Scorpio 💦

Sagittarius: My other. best. friend’s. sign like fUUUUUck these are hands down one of the most insane people you’ll meet. Me and my best friend beside each other is already a party in itself ngl. These signs are also really good at keeping conversations fun, lighthearted, and meaningful. When they’ve finally found someone worth their loyalty, time, and effort, when they say they got u, they got u till the grave man. They can either be really fucking insane or the chillest people you’ll know. They’re very easy to get along with too. When you’ve upset them, they can be pretty upfront about how they feel so you definitely won’t have second guesses about what goes on in their heads. Give them their space too as they’re willing to give you just as much and you’re good. You been my ride or die, Sag ✨

Capricorn: Aha here’s the other sign I have a love- hate relationship with. I’ve talked to a few of them and these people can literally be the most confusing and almost sneaky people I’ve met (they can be kinda passive aggressive). They don’t give their all to someone they don’t know for sure is willing to give 200% of themselves in return. However, they are also the hustlers of the zodiac. You probably wouldn’t know they have 3 side hustles and 2 main ones which is something I really admire them for. Their drive to achieve their goals makes you wanna work 10x if not a hundred times harder to achieve your goals and take on new ones. They come off super intimidating but I guess that’s just part of their appeal (their vibes literally scream i’m the boss, bitch) they can also come off really serious but they actually have a really great sense of humor. I’ll admit they’re funny af. Just like their goals, once they’ve decided to put their heart into someone’s hands they will put not just a hundred but 200 if not 500% of themselves into their relationships and they are always at the top of their loyalty game. They’re most likely to also perform Acts of Services and can be really selfless people so treat your cap friends from time to time and definitely ask how they’re doing. They tend to bottle up emotions and don’t really know how to express them properly so be as selfless as they are too bc God knows they need emotional support as much as everyone does despite looking like they have their shit together. Stay at the top of your game, Caps 💯

Aquarius: The cutest weirdos I know ! They’re quirkiness is endearing and some people may find it odd but it really just comes from how unique and original they are. Their fight for equality is really inspiring be it feminism, or any sort of cause to fight for rights is what they’re known for. They’re also the first ones to notice and call out inequality in certain situations and really helps people realize and see the hidden agendas/messages of marketing. They call out what society thinks is right and it’s something really cool about them. Keep being weird, Aquarius 👽

Pisces: I only really know one but from what I’ve gathered, they can be reaaaal softies. They’re really good at any form of art like painting and music. For some reason they’re given the talent of knowing exactly what gifts to give their loved ones? They’re really thoughtful and can be really selfless for their loved ones. They’re really good at making you feel understood and make u feel comfortable in your own skin and are the perfect home bodies tbh. Late night talks with this sign have been amazing so far and I would recommend telling a Pisces what’s been bothering u. Don’t put too much anger or negative energy into what u say to them tho as they feel their emotions physically too. This really close friend of mine who i might as well consider my sister told me she literally feels drained after having people tell her their problems. They can be quite moody and are a handful when they aren’t in a good mood too. They may lash out on people around them and it’s just not something you’d want to deal with especially when you’re in good spirits. They can be quite shy but are willing to talk to people who know how to keep a conversation going as well. You’re a blessing, Pisces 🐠

[unproduciblesmackdown]

40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i���m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

[aletaevers]

( cisfemale ) haven’t seen ALETA 'PIXIE' EVERS around in a while. the FREYA MAVOR lookalike has been known to be (+) DRIVEN & (+) RESILIENT, but SHE can also be (-) VAIN & (-) UNRELENTING. The 22 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in NURSING. I believe they’re living in TERRA FIRMA, but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( james. 20. EST. she/they. )

i’m......so excited......................like i LOVE aleta and im so iskdjfg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pleathe give this a like if u’d like to plot w/ her !!! esp if u have a hendrix bb as they’d know her more ... obv

TW: child abuse, alcoholism, death, violence, grief. just some really tragic shit, man. self loathing.

a e s t h e t i c s

french-pane windows and ivy-coated bricks, silk pajama sets and champagne bubbles, wind through hair and constant, constant running; red cards and penalties, explosive words and hair-tugging, tear-soaked pillows and red eyes in empty bathrooms, the smell of roses and death, loose curls and sharp scissors, fairy tales and their endings -- how bittersweet, nails against desks, against backs, nails down a chalkboard, nails breaking skin. thrown fists and bruised knuckles, late night cereal-runs, getting lost in the woods, sleeping in fields. choking down insults, forced smiles, a wish for comfort.

general information !!

full name: aleta marit evers

nickname(s): pixie, tbd

b.o.d. - june 17th, grand ol’ gemini

label(s): the vixen, the amaranth, the hellcat, etc. etc.

height: 5′8″ tbh

hometown: giethoorn, netherlands

sexuality: bi as hell

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biography !!

all aleta has ever wanted was to be happy. to just, for once--be content.

born to anton evers, a well-known neurosurgeon and eleanor evers (nee du pont), a talented actress appearing on several tv shows in her youth -- privilege is, essentially, her middle name

her parents met on the set of a hospital show, anton a consultant and eleanor a ‘patient’; it was the kind of love that was volatile and loud and known -- dangerous, in the end, maybe.

this was only possible because eleanor had always dreamed of being a star, instead of inheriting her families’ horse racing business; which thus resulted in her traveling across an entire ocean to pursue her dreams where there wasn’t already a name made for her.

lil fun facts about the evers: anton’s older brother is a partner with their father at evers & evers, and his younger brother is koninklijke marechaussee.

life was normal in the beginning; eleanor had her firstborn, rhys -- a son, which made anton happy. then, her second born, aleta -- a daughter, which made anton less happy. a few years after aleta came laurel, another daughter. and that was that.

it was supposed to be the three of them.

anton evers, in all his glory -- was nothing more than a no-good cheater with a bad temper and a lack of empathy. which, of course, led to his numerous affairs with one of his nurses. which -- in turn, led to the birth of one ramona evers, only to be discovered six years later. 

pre-ramona: when the kids got too much for eleanor, she’d let them fall into the hands of the nannies. plural, as there were many; not all willing to deal with three spoiled devils from the deepest pits of hell. she loved her children, but god, was she not built for motherhood. eleanor spent her days drinking wine and champagne, excessively, while the nannies chased after mud-coated children and faced their tantrums head-first.

their house was old and ~vintage~ and more like a mansion than anything else, a backyard leading into woods--countless woods. this is where aleta spent most of her time, when she got sick of rhys pulling her pigtails and him refusing to play knights and princes with her.

after a severe accident, ramona was suddenly left motherless and thus: custody went to anton. it came to a shock to the entire family, but eleanor the most -- she’d gone six years unknowing of the fact that her husband had another child.

it was like watching their mother turn into a completely different person overnight -- while never cruel to her own children, eleanor was relentless towards ramona. whether it were insults or nails dug into arms; more often than not a martini glass in her hand.

aleta had always loved her mother -- even with nannies looking after her more often than not. in her eyes, her mother and father had a marriage that fairy tales were based off of. anton worked often, but everyday he’d bring home flowers for eleanor; their home was essentially a garden; vases and vases of roses.

if her mother hated ramona then aleta hated ramona. rhys had begun closing up and laurel, out of fear than anything else, stayed clear of the soap opera that was now their life.

these were aleta’s nightmare child gone extreme years. unapologetically violent towards any other student who dared step in her way, she took what she wanted and was a typical bully throughout her school years. she was essentially just. a really angry brat. with dyslexia, which also made school Hard which in turn made her Hate School. 

more often than not, she was alone at home. more often than not, she was in the woods. they were her only source of peace. it was in the woods that she met vos. whether that was his real name, she didn’t know. she didn’t care. he’d gotten his foot stuck in a rabbit hole, and she’d gotten it out. and from that point, they were friends. it was like a fairy tale, which aleta had always been big on. she went by duif, going along with his shenanigans.

together they played knights and princes (aleta, always the knight. always. vos, the prince. always.) practically everyday until sundown, where they’d part ways.

throughout this all, eleanor had been getting worse. her alcoholism had taken an extreme turn for the worst.

when aleta was 12, she found her mother dead. she doesn’t remember much, just red wine mimicking blood and pearls strewn across the room, shattered glass and her own screaming sobs.

the day after the funeral, they moved.

aleta was, essentially, alone in the world after that. rhys had gone off with the bad sort of crowd and had no time for his mourning sister; he was grieving in his own way. laurel had befriended their neighbor, eva, and aleta had immediately taken a dislike towards her. she thought she looked like a rat. aleta told eva that much. and ramona was...off doing ramona things, avoiding her family by any means necessary.

time sort of...flew, after that. aleta channeled her anger through sports--and as she got older, into parties and general reckless activity involving alcohol and whatnot. grief still hung heavy in her throat, but she put on a mask of cynical coldness and became known as the resident bitch. it fit her. she didn’t care.

her moods calmed a bit as she entered university, but not by much tbh.

uuhhh hmmm. met tiago through her brother, and only pursued him because she had overheard ramona gushing to either laurel or eva or whomever the fuck about her little ~faraway crush~. so, like, obviously aleta fucked him? and somehow! they wound up dating! she’s very much in love with him, which terrifies her because she’s very scared of loving someone.

also...........uh......................may have gotten ramona expelled out of sheer pettiness. more on that later. :~)

personality !!

frank, rude, and spiteful -- at least she’s honest. even if her comments are riddled in backhanded compliments and eye-rolling. 

she’s not the....easiest person to befriend. has a habit of really only paying much attention to people she finds interesting; if you bore her then you’re out! thanks for playing!

despite how off-putting she can be, she’s pretty well-known. whether its because of her viciousness on the field in the many, many sports she has played for hendrix, or her presence at parties, or ‘cos she made your cousin or best friend or whomever cry in the bathroom, or y’know. her famous, dead mom.

doesn’t...seem to have a problem with her reputation? likes being seen as this tough, untouchable person.

is soft with very very few people, like, maybe three at the max? and she’s not even soft towards her siblings so difjgkh. one of these people is obv tiago.

she’s endlessly loyal, even if she does flirt with other people to make her bf jealous ?? like, she’d never actually cheat. not after what her father did to her mother. does it excuse her actions ?? fuck no. she’s still a bad person

hates her dad so yay !! daddy issues. p sure papa evers is part of a secret society but, y’know. just dad things.

she’s....very emotional. very prone to sudden spouts of just, anger. it doesn’t take a lot to piss her off, and she’s not a particularly friendly whirlpool.

cries a lot tbh. usually before she sleeps, or in the shower, or in one of the campus bathrooms. doesn’t let people see her cry but like...it’s also not surprising to catch her fixing her eyeliner in the bathroom after an episode.

she’s just in general p moody ?? petty ?? will talk shit to you in dutch, even if u fucking speak it. she doesn’t care. would probably spread a rumor about u just for funsies.

she’s gr8 at parties, usually ‘cos shes too crossed to be actively mean.

like, okay, i’ve made her out to be pretty Horrible but hbjnfdmgh she isn’t going to look at your character and just. start beating them down with words n fists and shit, y’know ?? she might be thinking it, but she’s not That impulsive

is apathetic at best towards most people otherwise, like, idk -- if she doesn’t have a reason, even if its a very small reason, she won’t bother with you. 

this VIDEO right fucking here. GOD. that’s an aleta vibe. it’s probably not something she’d say but just. the tone ?? awful. it gave me flashbacks to middle school when i watched that video.

has a sketchbook which is essentially anatomy notes and like, lil doodles n shit of fantasy scenery n shit

kinda...escapes into her mind sometimes ?? is still in love w the concept of fairy tales and perfect love and just. happiness. like she’s kind of obsessed with it ?? with the perfect image ?? which, hence, leads to her illustrating it. hence why she’s just so. in love. hence why she sabotages everything for herself too ‘cos ! she just sort of hates herself and knows nothing will ever be magical and perfect and shit.

so like, big secret fantasy nerd. probably has tried to sing with birds once when nobody was looking. she cant even sing. she shower sings and like maybe the bathroom acoustics make her sound not horrible but ?? she’s mediocre at best. it’s tragic, really.

there’s sm more, like, she’s just got a lot of feelings and contradicting personality points and she’s udfjighk she’s annoying. that’s what she is. aleta is CANCELED

ok ok ok but GOD is she good at sports ?? like genuinely just. she does like, track, hockey, lacrosse, tennis prolly idk, maybe other shit. and like granted she gets angry n then gets penalized for almost beating a girl down but isjkdfg she’s good at sports 

got the nickname ‘pixie’ on the field ‘cos shes fast and also has bitten a few people and is just very aggressive

EDIT: i forgot to mention that she !! stopped relying on her father for money (this does not include....stealing from him, which she most definitely does!!) and she’s kinda paying for things w/ savings and like...soon, she’ll get a job, i promise uhdfijfkg 

wanted connections !!

like...two close friends. pleathe, for her sanity.

uuuuuHHH god, just enemies of all sorts. ex-friends or never-friends or exes before tiago. people she’s talked shit about, or spread shit about

maybe she fucking poured her alcohol on ur muses’ head during a party

GOD i don’t know she drops people so much !!

other....friends, y’know, that she isn’t ~close~ to, but she gets along with fairly well

people she flirts with to make her bf jealous !! because she’s awful !!

temptations...b/c commitment is difficult for her b/c of y’know. her parents. not an actual affair but just...y’know. checking each other out, flirtatious banter, the whole ‘no i can’t ive got a boyfriend’ and shit like that.

teammates !!

dead parents club.

somebody who caught her crying in the bathroom hfdjgkh whether theyre concerned for some fucking reason or r straight up like ‘lmao...u deserve it’

ummm give me rhys ?? and laurel ?? or people who know them

rhys is a drug dealer so like.............she prolly knows a few ppl who get their drugs from him

friends of ramona’s before she uh . . . disappeared / got expelled

good influences who r like ‘stop being such a fucking dick aleta get ur shit together’

cousins !! she prolly has a ton

maybe......an online friend ?? who shes known for a while ??

bad influences who r like >:3 yes stay angry. stay bad. here, break this fucking window with this bat. yes, good.

literally i will take anything sjkfdg

people she’s tormented ??? has bullied ?? has embarrassed ???

[queerlyglittering]

LETTER BOY UPDATE

ok! This is long overdue lmao. but until the other day I was feeling a bit mopey and sad and also just generally tired and didn’t wanna talk about it BUT THEN  E X T R E M E L Y  LONG POST AHEAD

so lemme see where I last left off re: Letter Boy.... ok so like, to recap: there for a while we’d barely been talking. He didn’t have time to write to me most of the time, and then half the time when we did write to each other our letters kept getting lost in the mail, etc etc. I know I’d been like pretty obsessive over the whole letter-writing thing for a while so I thought I’d been pushing him away and like at one point I wrote him a goodbye letter? Like I was really out here like “I’m so sorry for bothering you so much, I’ll leave you alone now” like what sort of passive-aggressive bitchy monster lmao. And then eventually I was like nah fuck that, that’s not ok and I’m not leaving things like that, so I wrote him an apology and we kinda got back to talking a bit. And then he finally wrote me back! And his letter was deeply personal and emotional and I cried! He came out as ace! He told me he loved me! The absolute drama of it all! (Which it turns out, at that point he didn’t mean it in terms of like, romantic love, just like... he really cared about me as a person and was glad that he felt comfortable to write about his experiences re: being ace to me and it was sort of cathartic. BUT THEN!) So I wrote back almost immediately, telling him that I loved him too and that he was valid and shit lmao. That was all back in late May/early June I think... tbh I don’t remember what happened over the summer, lemme go back and reread our messages? b/c I know neither of us has physically written to the other since then.  Ok so we messaged a bit about potentially meeting up at a Pride festival, either there in Houston or up in Dallas, but the timing just generally didn’t work out in our favor for either event, so we wound up not going. And then we kinda sporadically messaged each other here and there, usually when he was stressed with school or I was stressed with work, etc, but we barely talked off and on for a couple months. Then I started my current job, and my sleep cycle got outta whack for a few weeks, and that’s when things started to get interesting again lmao

ok so sometime near the end of August, he had like a minor depressive episode or something in the middle of the night and messaged me at like 4 am saying he felt “gross and sad” and I slept through that because it was Saturday but I wound up waking up at like 6:30 out of habit from getting up for work, and I ended up calling him and we talked for a while and I vented about some stuff in my life too and then we both went back to sleep lmao. And after that things got a little more active in terms of communication; like y’all know me, I’m a Needy Bitch, so of course I wound up messaging him like once every couple days or so whenever I started to miss him and needed Attention. Like it kinda started with a tarot reading I got, just a standard past/present/future 3-card reading, but she pulled the Lovers for my present, so I mean.... and basically she said something about there being a person in my life whom I had feelings for, and who reciprocated those feelings, but there was a communications disconnect, and the relationship was getting to a point where it could begin to go stale, and that we shouldn’t block ourselves off from progress. After that reading I reached out and messaged him again, and we ended up literally speaking every day for a week. Like I think I’d made a post about that on here about not messaging him for the 8th day in a row and thought I was exaggerating but then I went back and counted and IT ACTUALLY WAS THE 8TH DAY, WOW AUDREY, YOU’RE OFFICIALLY ANNOYING. So I tried to get better about leaving him alone lmao but I started messaging him a bunch of stuff about my singing, because my old community had a brief resurgence in September. and he said he wanted to sing something with me someday and I’m 🥰🥰

So then at one point I had mentioned coming down to Houston for the weekend of the SFA/Sam Houston State game (which was last weekend, 10/5-6) with my friend, and ditching the game to hang out with him instead. I kinda let the subject drop for a couple weeks because at that point it was almost a month out and I wasn’t 100% sure I was gonna be able to go so I didn’t want to get both our hopes up. But then work started being really shitty and dicking me around about my schedule change that was supposed to have happened once I got out of training, and my home life wasn’t gr8 either, so I kinda latched onto that weekend trip as like a bright spot, or something to hope for. Something to keep me going. And he’d basically forgotten about it, which is fine, except I wound up springing it back on him at the last minute lmao. But then my friend who I was supposed to go with (because I can’t drive so she was gonna drive us down there) was like ‘nah I’m not going to the game, I have no money for tickets.’ So I was like well shit, there goes my happy thing. And I talked to her about it and basically begged her to just go down to Houston for the weekend anyway, I’d get us a hotel and everything, because I needed this. So she was like ‘alright, look at hotels.’ But then HER friend got very sick, like in-the-hospital having-mysterious-seizures sick, and she went to go stay with her in the hospital for a few days because the girl’s husband was being a dick about it (it turned out to just be an infection from a contact lens that got stuck in her eye and like melted??? idk. but it was BAD AND SCARY). But that was like Wednesday-Friday of the week we were supposed to go to Houston on that weekend and I wasn’t sure she’d be up to going. So I asked last minute if she still wanted to go or if I should cancel the hotel (not realizing that it was too late to cancel it anyway lmao RIP) and she said ‘ok sure but I wanna bring my kid, since I’ve been away from her for 3 whole days.’ I was like that’s fine, I already thought you were gonna bring her lol. So we wound up going down there on Saturday but we left a bit later than we’d meant to, and by the time we got to town, Letter Boy was already at work. So I missed him that day. The three of us (me, friend & kiddo) wound up swimming in the hotel pool and then ordering Chinese takeout for dinner so that was pretty fun. 

Then the next day, Sunday! Letter Boy called as we were checking out of the hotel to try and figure out what the plan was, where we could meet up, etc. We decided to meet at the mall nearby, since it was an easy landmark for all parties, and we could find each other pretty easily there. He took me (and my friend and her kid, though apparently that wasn’t the plan, and he would’ve preferred to spend time with just me; she even gave me the option to not have the two of them meet us at the restaurant and I decided not to take it because i was a nervous anxious coward lmao) out to lunch at this Korean place in town, where he loves to eat. We played a few rounds of a card game and talked and ate and it was great fun. Then he had to bail and go to work, and we had an interesting goodbye because I’d been out here trying to respect his personal space and all because from what he’d said in his coming-out letter, it sounded very much like he was touch-averse - but then he hugged me goodbye? and kept coming back for more hugs?! like “one more? ok just one more? and one more?” like nonstop for a good five minutes lmao. I was a bit confused but I loved it (my primary love language is physical touch; hugs are my kryptonite. And he gives AMAZING hugs. like I may have even actually dreamed about his hugs before I ever got to experience one, but that’s whole other post lol). Anyway so after that my friend and I went to hang out at her brother’s in-laws’ place because they lived in the area lol. Letter Boy had asked me to message him once I got there, so I did. I told him I wished I could’ve spent more time with him one-on-one, and he said “well if you’re still in town maybe you can sneak away when I get my break later” So I basically said hell yes, just tell me where to meet you, lol. We wound up meeting up at Starbucks and getting coffee and continuing to talk and hang out for the half hour of his break, and he really didn’t want to leave when it was time for him to go. Like he actually contemplated kidnapping me and bringing me to work with him lmao. If my ride hadn’t already been on her way, I would’ve gone with him in a heartbeat. I didn’t want to leave either. And he told me he loved me again!  🥰🥰🥰 It was sappy and sweet and just aghhhh <3

So that was a week ago today! And there’s been some interesting developments since then too. Starting off with that Sunday night when I got home, I’d had too much coffee (starbucks messed up my order and had to remake it so I ended up drinking both lmao, big mistake). So I was over-caffeinated and v emotional and couldn’t sleep so I started writing out all my anxious confused feelings in letter form, and wound up just linking Letter Boy to the Google Doc I’d been writing in. This was at almost 2 AM. Apparently I woke him up and he read it and replied to me over messenger and basically we talked about how like. when he first said he loved me in the letter, he didn’t necessarily mean it in a romantic context but it was definitely more than just platonic and he wasn’t sure how to quantify that. But now that we’d met in person, and got to spend some actual time together, he felt a little differently and that he was “not 100% sure but WAAAY more than 50% sure” that he loved me romantically, because partially because he’s ace, he’s just kinda unsure about romantic relationships in general and he’s reluctant to commit to them because the sex thing always becomes an issue. I reassured him that I completely understand and respect his orientation and would never ask him to change that aspect of himself or do anything that would make him uncomfortable, and he seemed immensely relieved. At this point I’m honestly not even sure how much of his feelings are genuinely for/about me, and how much of them are just some sort of general euphoria at having someone basically validate his orientation and his existence, because he’d spent so long being mocked and tormented by friends and lovers alike, and basically just feeling broken and worthless. And I completely understand that reaction. I’m not even sure I care if that’s all this is, if it comes down to it; I’m happy to be here to love and support him and make sure he never feels less than whole and valid again, no matter my context in his life. I just want him to be happy. I’d love to be the one who makes him happy, but if ultimately that is not my part in his life, then so be it. I’m at peace with it.

Anyway so that was Sunday night, we talked a little bit on Monday and Tuesday and then like,, nothing at all for a few days? And so of course my immediate instinct is that I came on too strong and pushed him away, just because he doesn’t want to talk to me every day?? so I got all mopey and sad and weird, because I thought I’d scared him off and lost him and idk. Also I was in a funk b/c my hormones are being wacky this week; I don’t really get periods per se with my IUD, but sometimes I’ll get phantom cramps and/or mood swings, etc. but this past week i’ve been spotting and cramping AND moody af, so that’s been fun. So I’d been all weird and sad and shit, and thinking he didn’t want to talk to me = he didn’t want me, and I was so paranoid and afraid because I still think this whole thing is too good to be true and I can’t trust it. I know it’s silly and far too early to be serious and it’ll never last and probably won’t end well. I know that it’s fun and easy and idealistic and won’t stand up to reality or practicality, when it eventually has to face them. So I’ve been bracing myself for that ending ever since it began. And I know three days isn’t very long, but after having a whole conversation about how we love each other, and how we love each other, it felt like an eternity. BUT THEN!!!!!!!!!

So ok, we did talk briefly on Friday, in passing. but it was a very short little conversation; the only major thing to come out of it was a further confirmation that yes, he’s serious about coming up here to see me. BUT THEN Saturday night (10/12), he got home from seeing Eric Andre perform live, and he was hanging out with his sister and drinking and generally being a goof, and he messaged me! UPDATE: It’s now sunday 10/20 and I’m still writing this. idk it’s been a lot, everything else in my life has been rough lately, idk. im not feeling as positively about this as i was before, but i’ll keep writing the update. I’ve written too much

SO! Anyway. he came home from the comedy show thing, and he was hanging out with his sister watching some Japanese reality show and drinking, and he messaged me out of the blue. Funny thing I’ve noticed is that he doesn’t generally reach out to me first and he’s not too expressive generally but whenever he’s intoxicated in some way, be it alcohol or pot or even benadryl, he gets really effusively, gushily mushy and sweet. So on this occasion he was drunk, or at least tipsy, and that means he was being extra affectionate and dumb lmao. He started out telling me about his night and then hit me with the “I wish you were heeeerrrrreeeeeeee” lol. And he said something about how one day when he graduates, we should get a place together, where we can “be non-binary and own our dreams” (the second time he’s mentioned possibly being nonbinary to me - or possibly third time, he said something in passing about being confused about gender roles, in a context that implied ‘in relation to himself.’ meanwhile I haven’t actually said anything at all to him about me being nonbinary, he just kinda assumed b/c i have a rly butch-y looking haircut rn lmao. but like.. he ain’t wrong tho 😂 so that’s a conversation that we need to actually have sometime.) He was like “it’s sorta romantic that you live up there and I live down here and we’re so far apart and we have to just kinda pine after each other basically” and i was like oh good, I’m not the only one pining lmao. But then he asked me to come with him when he moves to Japan to teach English there, sometime after he finishes his degree. Which like, I wish I could go with him, and I know that if we’re still talking at that point/especially if we actually get together, it’s gonna be hard to be that far away from him and I’m gonna miss him. But it’s just eminently not practical. I don’t have any college degree and I don’t speak a lick of Japanese, there’s no way I can teach English with him; and there aren’t many other jobs there for Americans. And he won’t be making enough to support both of us on a teacher’s salary, i know that much. So that’s where I start to get a bit disillusioned. Like I know it was just a drunk suggestion out of a desperation to not be apart anymore, and despite the fact that a drunk mouth often speaks sober thoughts, I know better than to assume that either of those offers to live together were any kind of a promise, and I have no intention to hold him to either of them. But in the moment I very much got my hopes up and I let myself get really excited and I regret that now lmao because like I knew even then that it wasn’t real. and now i’m just sorta disappointed because I’ve had to confront the fact that he’s very much a daydreamer and I, for all my delusional fantasizing, am at heart more practical than that. I don’t like to hope for things that I know can’t happen, because it’s just setting myself up for future devastation. And he just wants to hope and wish for everything, and maybe some of it will come true and maybe some of it won’t, and he just sort of seems unbothered by either outcome. For all my hopeless romanticism and my overemotional nature, I can’t bring myself to do that, to hope without expectation. I don’t know how. it’s so antithetical to my understanding of the world. And it just serves to highlight another of the many ways in which we are almost complete opposites - which isn’t a bad thing! but it can make some things harder. like handling distance, or hoping for the future, or just communication in general.

but anyway! back to drunken happiness lmao. he started saying really sappy shit like how he wants to be there for me when I’m feeling down, and he wants to have big dumb fights with me just so he can make it up to me with a big grand gesture like flowers or edible arrangements or something. and then he wrote me a drunken limerick and it was actually surprisingly good and really cute lmao. and he said he wanted to cuddle me. and then we got into a mini-fight over which one of us was cuter lmao. and he called me queen and said that he just wants to like. make me food and take care of me and stuff lol. and that he doesn’t even HAVE a type but somehow I am exactly his type? which is still fucking me up, that’s the sweetest shit i’ve ever heard. (because i know what he means, he’s dated around quite a bit with different types and genders of people and stuff because he didn’t really know how to handle his asexuality and of course the myth is that you just haven’t found the right person yet, so he just kept trying and feeling broken and then here I am, the first person he’s found to be accepting and understanding of that part of him, and still want him and care for him and be all lovey-dovey and shit with him, and he just wants me to be happy in return.) meanwhile I of course have several types, including different types for girls and guys etc, but he’s hitting all my boxes - tall, handsome in a kind of adorkable way, smart, funny, sarcastic, sweet, patient, sensitive, similar tastes in media and similar political alignments, queer. plus he’s just cute as fuck. like out of my league cute lmao but again, that’s exactly my type OTL so like I told him that, and that I just wanna like. hold him and be with him and help him be successful in whatever he wants in life. and he freaked out and was like ugh you should just come here rn i’ll hide you under my bed if i have to and i was like i wish i could :( and he was like THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AUDREY COME HERE and i was like OK IM LEAVING ON FOOT SEE U IN 3 DAYS and it was funny. and we flung a bunch of heart emojis at each other. and then he made a passing reference to his mood swings and i kinda ended up ignoring it because i sent a message at the same time but in my head i was like boy have you even MET me, 1. the swings have always been my favorite piece of playground equipment, 2. i’ve got mood swings down to a fine art, and 3. i’m more worried about whether you can handle mine. i’m pretty sure i can take yours in stride lmao. and then there was more talk of cuddling, and HE STARTED HEART REACTING ALL MY MESSAGES and i’m just like WTF STOP IT THAT IS THE CUTEST SHIT <3333 and then he sent me a dollar by accident? and I sent him the “i love you bitch, i ain’t never gonna stop loving you bitch” vine lmao

and apparently this whole time he was still sitting around with his sister? lmao because he said she told him she approved of me after i sent that vine 😂 and she apparently likes my hair! which is good lol (reminder I need to post some pics of it on here, I posted selfies to fb but i don’t think i’ve posted on here yet). his sister is also bi lmao and seems cool in general (and also from what i’ve seen creeping her fb, she’s REALLY GORGEOUS, like it runs in the family, these fuckers should be models, it’s ridiculous really) so having her approval is v nice. like at least one member of his family approves of me! now to work on the rest 😂😂 and then he was talking about he was gonna get high also (despite being already drunk) and i was joking with him about bogarting the weed and he was like “when we live together I’ll share my weed with you” lmao but he said it with such certainty, like it was just a given. not an if, but a when. which threw me for enough of a loop. But then he started in on this fantasy scenario where like it’s late at night and we can’t sleep so he makes me sushi by hand, and we feed each other with our chopsticks (he was impressed that I already knew how to use them lmao) and we sit on the couch arm in arm watching reruns of cheers and laughing way too loudly and fall asleep in each other’s arms as the sun comes up outside but we don’t have anything to do the next day so it’s ok. and it was the sweetest most romantic shit I’ve literally ever heard in my LIFE, like it sounds like actual heaven and i was crying happy tears at this point lmao. just 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 like in that moment i felt so fucking loved i couldn’t even speak and y’all know i’m never speechless, i literally can’t fucking shut up most of the time lmao. and like at that point his phone was dying so he went to plug it in and go to bed and I did the same because it was like 2:30 in the morning but i was just giddy with affection and couldn’t sleep. 

anyway so the next day (sunday) i had a party thing to go to that was really fun but i’m socially awkward so i texted him a lot as a crutch. and then the next day (monday) he had given me “permission to bug the crap out of him” so i messaged him a lot throughout my work day because it was an unusually crappy day anyway. and the day after that (tuesday) we messaged about the democratic debates and stuff. and then i kinda tried to give him some space, because i felt like i was smothering him, and i made it all the way to friday evening before i caved in and messaged him again. like i don’t wanna bother him by messaging him every day, i know he’s busy. whenever he doesn’t actively have class, he’s got homework or he’s working (which usually means he’s driving and can’t talk). but i’m like so addicted to the affection i get from him, it’s bad. my anxiety just keeps building and getting worse if i try to avoid messaging him and I don’t make it very far before i end up giving in and messaging him for a hit of that good ol’ dopamine. so we ended up catching each other up on the events of the latter part of our week, and talking about sushi preferences. and he apparently has never had eel?? like that was probably the 2nd or 3rd thing i tried lmao 😂 but then to be fair I had a boyfriend at the time who was very interested in making sure i tried new things, and who had been stationed briefly in japan so he knew a lot about sushi and wanted to show off. anyway Letter Boy is like me, he prefers salmon by a wide margin. and we talked about how he’d tried squid and did not enjoy it, and that turned into a mini battle to see who could post the weirdest squid-themed gif lmao. and then i sent him the playlist but he still hasn’t listened to it yet I don’t think. but he also wants me to write him a poem lmao so that’s something i should start working on i guess. but idk i’m not feeling it rn but that’s not his fault. 

and then today happened and i had another incident with my mother and her narcissistic bullshit and i was feeling like shit so i reached out to my best friend to kinda get some validation that i’m not actually the narcissistic one (which felt shitty and manipulative, like if i have to ask i’m probably at least a LITTLE narcissistic. but then again if i actually was narcissistic i guess i wouldn’t even have that doubt? like i would just be certain that i wasn’t and not second-guess it because i wouldn’t care? and like making their victims believe that THEY are the narcissistic ones and the abuser isn’t, is a classic hallmark of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse? but i still felt like shit about it idk). And I also reached out to Letter Boy because while I love my best friend more than words can say, like she’s my sister-from-another-mother, Letter Boy has kind of become my comfort person. like i always used to write letters to him whenever I was going through a rough spot, as a distraction. and usually I’ll message him whenever I’m starting to feel anxious or sad, but lately it’s gotten to where I’ll start to feel anxious and sad whenever I don’t message him regularly. like i’ve said, it’s getting bad and i’m worried about it. like that’s not a good sign of a healthy relationship. and it’s nice to have some positivity in my life, especially given all the negative shit i’m constantly surrounded by. but that doesn’t mean this relationship is healthy or good for either of us. so that’s yet another thing on my list of shit that’s making me anxious lol. but anyway he tried to be supportive when i told him about what i’m dealing with in re: my mother, and encouraged me to get out, but he just seemed kinda generally lost. like he didn’t know how to deal with it. and if that’s because he’s been fortunate enough that in his life, that kind of behaviour is not something he’s experienced, then I’m happy for him. but he said some stuff about not really believing in labels, but specifically in regards to mental health issues? which like. that’s all fine and good in terms of gender and sexuality, but with mental health, that’s a medical issue. you kind of have to have names for things in that context so that you can treat them. and i get that he was kinda trying to be encouraging to me, to not let my mother make me think of myself as a narcissist, and to not feel so shitty about myself in terms of like my depression and anxiety and stuff. but it just felt like it was sort of coming from a place of very neurotypical privilege and misunderstanding, and it was sort of unintentionally invalidating. and then he brought up the idea of us living together again, once he graduates, but he said it in a slightly more realistic way which i should have been happier with but that only wound up disappointing me. he said “maybe when i graduate we can get a place...” instead of like his certainty from earlier. and i said i wish, and he said that he wishes too and we should both hope for it and maybe it’ll happen. and i’m just like... hope is a dangerous thing for my emotional health, i don’t want to hope for something that isn’t going to happen. and he basically said that i need to learn to hope without expectation, and set small goals as baby steps toward that bigger dream, and i’m just like. i don’t understand but thank you lmao. and that’s where we left off this evening. and i’ve been crying, about shit with my mom and my life in general and worrying about all this bullshit with letter boy and how like a week ago we were blissfully happy with each other and now things are feeling increasingly less certain and i have this burning feeling in the back of my mind that he’s not gonna actually show up for the Syrup Festival in 3 weeks - which again, i’ve pinned all my hopes to, it’s the light at the end of my newest tunnel. and i’m so nervous because i want to show him everything and let him get a feel for where i live (and why i feel trapped here lmao) and yet at the same time i don’t know how to handle it because i don’t think he’ll feel the same way about it as i do. and i’m still not sure he’ll even come. because despite him telling me repeatedly that he wants to come, i can’t help but feel that either something will come between us within that time, or he’ll just end up having to work, or something, and he won’t actually come. i’m so terrified he won’t want to come. I’m terrified i’m pushing him away. because this whole thing, ever since we started writing letters, has felt mostly one-sided, like i’m out here sharing everything with him and flinging my love and attention at him, and getting scraps in return, just enough to keep me coming back for more. and i don’t know if he’s stringing me along or if he’s serious. he is a bit flighty. I don’t want him to fly away. but i don’t want to hold him down, either.

i don’t know.

[marystudies]

A LONG ASS LIST OF TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL: FRESHMAN TO SENIOR YEAR LETS GO

Disclaimer: This is just from my experience, so these might not all apply to you! 

Freshman Year

ok, ok, freshman year can be scary but don’t let that get to you

dont worry about upperclassmen being rude/teasing you 

it’ll most likely happen, but I’ve never seen an upperclassman tease a freshman with the intention to really hurt them

one day you’ll be them so dw

on the topic of upperclassmen, make some older friends!!! (through classes, sports, etc.) it’s so nice to have someone give you tips and help you through high school

dont expect your friend group to stay the same lol

BUT ITS A GOOD THING I PROMISE YOU

I was scared of changing my friend group, so even though I wasn’t being treated too well, it wasn’t until senior year when I really made a change and I wish I did it earlier

be open to meeting new people, everyone is scared just like you and looking for more friends

I don’t think its neccessary for freshman to become sUPER involved in clubs and all that but at least get a feel for whats out there

try out for a sport if you play one!

this goes for all of high school, not just freshman year, but I regret not being as involved as I could’ve been 

Go to school events like football games and dances! School spirit is considered weird in middle school but its cool in high school

take your classes seriously, your teachers are right - high school is much harder than middle school (but it’s not too bad if you stay organized!)

my freshman year GPA was my lowest like english really caught me off guard (properly formatted, 5 paragraph essays being 50% of your grade??? a concept.)

so my cumulative GPA was brought down

I think most freshman don’t have access to AP classes to boost your GPA or anything, but if you’re looking to push yourself take an honors class or 2! (if available)

Sophomore Year

wooohooo ur no longer a freshman

I’d take at least 1 AP class if you can

my sophomore year I took AP Human Geo - which I really loved, and it also wasn’t too hard

a lot of sophomores take AP World which is a BITCH of a class

BUT I wouldn’t recommend taking Honors World because you don’t get the GPA boost, you don’t get college credits (unless you take the AP Euro test or something), and it’s almost just as hard 

this is a bit random - but when you’re taking Algebra 2 (which was my sophomore year) PLS PAY ATTENTION math builds on itself don’t fuck yourself over

take the PSAT if you want (I honestly don’t remember if I took it freshman year too but eh), but seriously its not required

start thinking about college (I know it’s the last thing you want to do)

just little things like

when do I want to take the SAT/ACT?

would I like a small school or a big school?

What will I be able to put on my college applications?

like if you do community service through a club/church/etc then great!!! sports? YEs

can’t think of anything? Join a club! Try out for a sport (it’s not too late) Find something that interests you

you’re probably pretty situated socially now but never be afraid to get to know those classmates/”school friends” better! 

Junior Year

so junior year is commonly thought of as the hardest year of highschool

which is partially true (we’ll get there later)

but anyways, seriously buckle your seatbelt and get ready to work your ass off because THIS YEAR COUNTS, LADIES AND GENTS

Take AP classes if available

I took AP Psych (WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and Honors PreCalc (coming from regular Algebra 2)

Psych gave me college credit and a GPA boost

HPC gave me a GPA boost for UCs 

It was a bitCH of a class but it made AP calc a breeze 

If you haven’t started already, start prepping for SAT/ACT and then take them

tutoring is very helpful, but it can be expensive

I’ve seen studyblrs post about free prep through Kahn Academy and other stuff, so you might have to do a bit of digging but there are tons of resources out there

TAKE PRACTICE TESTS

take one of each first - then focus on the test you did better on 

one of my biggest regrets is taking SAT prep instead of ACT prep because my ACT (which I didn’t do specialized prep for) ended up equivalent to my SAT (which I did prep for)

the more you take em the better you get

Studyblr is gr8 for finding test taking tips

If you’re not happy with your score, just take it again! I only took each one once but most people improve their scores if they take it again

I recommend visiting a few universities when you’re on break! Get a feel for what you like and what you don’t like (size, location, public/private, etc) and what kind of school you could get accepted to

you don’t want to end up applying to a billion schools that you wouldn’t even want to go to

private schools like it when you express interest by visiting

so if you’re visiting, make sure you check in so you can be in their system 

END OF JUNIOR YEAR - ASK FOR LETTERS OF REC NOW! BY THE FIRST WEEK OF SENIOR YEAR A LOT OF TEACHERS ARE ALREADY TAKING ON TOO MANY LETTERS!

Senior Year (buckle up this section is the longest)

but YAY UR A SENIOR 

DO FUN SENIOR YEAR THINGS like my school has all kinds of events for seniors and it’s so great 

Remember when I said junior year is the hardest? Yeah well no... 1st semester senior year is SO MUCH WORSE ur in for a lot of fun

Ok seriously - don’t let senioritis get to you first semester

Still take challenging classes! Schools are looking for progression in difficulty

Those mid year transcripts REALLY DO MATTER! 

College apps, man

Make sure you’re communicating with your counselor to make sure you have everything ready and on track 

like file the FAFSA and CSS (used for lots of privates)

tbh I didn’t think it would help me a lot but it (the CSS) actually did so just do it even if you think you’ll get nothing

Ok so hopefully at this point you have a feel for what schools you are interested in

Things to consider: location, price, size, public/private, difficulty of the application, ranking, program/major you are applying to, campus, overall vibe

I didn’t do any interviews but maybe look into it

Don’t get too comfortable and set reasonable goals - apply to several safety schools, a few good options/could go either way schools, but also a few “reaches”

ESSAYS

I’m no college counselor, but don’t just wing your essays without having an adult/professional look over them

I got lucky - my mom is a professional writer so my family didn’t pay for a counselor

Do your research - you can find so much information about what schools are looking for in essays

If an essay is “optional” DO IT it’s really not optional lol

Keep in mind - these essays are nothing like what you’ve been taught. You don’t have to (and often SHOULDNT) write a 5 paragraph essay with topic sentences relating back to the thesis and evidence, etc. its much more free

think “What is the story I am going to tell?”

get creative - this is hard and takes some time

Think: How am I going to separate myself from thousands of applicants? What is a story that ONLY I can tell?

DO EARLY ACTION FOR AS MANY SCHOOLS AS POSSIBLE!!! 

such a relief to knowing you got in somewhere in like,,,, november

acceptance rates are higher for EA 

the order from highest to lowest is ED > EA > RD

Early Decision scares me (schools will say they give equal scholarship consideration but lol thats a lie) 

but if you have your heart set on a school go ahead

apply to other school just in case, you don’t want to get stuck starting all your apps when a lot of students have already turned them all in

Now that you’re done with applications (whew), the acceptances (and rejection) will start coming!! yay!

ok first for acceptances

those first acceptances are so cool like YAY YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE IM PROUD OF U

as soon as you get your first acceptances really start researching the school more and deciding if you’d REALLY want to go there or not

i know this is hard bc you haven't heard back from all your schools but it’ll make choosing a school so much easier

sadly, not all acceptances are happy tho

like I got accepted to my #1 school but they gave me no money so it was impossible to go

I was so emo for a couple days there

BUT! If you’re serious about it, try appealing for financial aid but keep your expectations low

ok now waitlists

these can be a bit nerve wracking

PLEASE apply for the waitlist right away

at some schools if you dont within a couple days, your application might get thrown out

aaaaand rejections

i dont have a lot to say about this but please dont be too hard on yourself

sometimes its just not meant to be and thats ok!

NOW PICKING A COLLEGE

def the most difficult and mentally draining part for me lol

make sure you really map out everything to consider

net cost (tuition, room & board, books, travel, personal expenses, etc.), size, location, etc.

I personally had this idea that I’d end up at a big school far from home but I’m going to a small school close to home and I’m still super excited!!! So make sure you give every school a second look 

APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS!

the essays aren’t usually too bad and sometimes you can just rework your college app essays

you can find them online, your school might have some (like PTA scholarships, band scholarships, etc.)

ok this is the time everyone really gets senioritis

i almost didn’t get senioritis at all lol just because slacking off stressed me out

but please be smart about it dont get rescinded 

and lastly have fun! high school really does fly by, it’ll be over before you know it

[kittywolves]

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!! 

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute 

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die 

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama 

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes:  a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE 

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples 

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels:  F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R  T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses 

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday 

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!! 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off 

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep 

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs.... 

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no, 

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games 

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio 

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils 

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that

[wannawrite]

not my type

who?: Wanna One’s Ong Seongwoo genre: 🌸 type: bullet point

blog navigator.

University! AU 

you don’t date younger guys

but you just might ;)

thanks for requesting! this was quite difficult to write since I am a child still lol. Do note that Seongwoo is 20 in this work of fiction. ⁃ admin l

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything that is written here is purely fictional DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~

so,,,your love life 

not that exciting 

in fact, it is facing a drought at the moment 

reality is harsh huh? 

or maybe it is because of your high standards 

1. No younger guys 

2. Must be a nice person 

3. Someone I could foresee marrying 

but none of your blind dates left you impressed

and then there’s this kid from the music block called Ong Seongwoo 

he’s just one of the guys trying to worm his way into your ‘possible boyfriend’ list 

scarily enough, his tactics were working

~

we gon throw this waayyy back when y’all met 

frat parties were never your thing

in fact, f*ck linda and this stupid party, I just want to go home and sleep 

you love your roommate and all but you couldn’t help but curse her out 

after all, she had dragged you to this party thrown by one of the music department frat guys 

and left you stranded 

in a hallway with at least 3 couples passionately making out 

tonight was not your night at all 

you hated the loud, shitty music and the smell of sweat and liquor 

appalling 

but linda was your ride here and there was a slim chance of hailing a cab right now 

you had no choice but to suck it up and rough it out 

Another issue

you needed to finish that essay on sustainable fashion before the 6am deadline 

shit 

gr8 job prof 

all-nighter? 

borrow a laptop from someone and do it now? 

what the hell 

which person would bring a laptop to a frat party? 

unless you can break into one of their rooms and take one??1?1?11

you almost slap yourself at the idea

dumb worried bitch energy 

sis is out of ideas and just wants to graduate be a little empathetic, folks 

you want to sit down on the floor and sink into a puddle of goo 

oh no 

there’s no way you are going to maintain this 3.9 GPA lmaoo

you move to wrestle Linda away from one of the frat guys 

but hollers and cheers stop you

a group of guys block your path as they welcome yet another friend 

but get this! the newcomer has a laptop case in his hands!! 

he appears to have just come from a lecture or meeting 

bUT HE HAS A LAPTOP YAYAYAYAYA

now, all you had to do was to stalk him, suck up to him and steal borrow the device 

sucking up to one of these frat boys was easy 

their brains had been bruised with bud lights so they weren’t the brightest of the bunch 

before you know it, he’s whisked away by his friends and dissolved into the crowd 

crap 

you really, genuinely, wholly, need this laptop 

They would help a fellow college student in need, right?

left with no choice, you elbow your way through  

I suppose your efforts pay off 

bc you catch him as he’s headed upstairs 

barely 

“hey!” you yell over the noise. “I-I...” 

the mystery guy only stares, quizzically 

suddenly, you’ve lost all ability to form coherent sentences 

this is embarrassing!

hE JUST LOOKING 

sis gotta calm down 

remember the real reason: laptop

“c-can i borrow your laptop real quick? I have a d-deadline tonight” 

mystery boy says nothing 

...

“What’s it in for me? If i lend you my laptop?”

he tries to remain serious but the corners of his mouth are tugging up

sneaky

desperation is pretty much flooding your body 

you wld say f*ck it but you can’t 

“I’ll owe you a favour!” you blurt out thoughtlessly. 

*crickets chirping* 

hope is slowly beginning to fade and your brain is coming up with extension excuses 

just crumbs,,,anything

Orbits gg thru with the drought

when he goes 

“okay”

JESUS THANK YOU 

he beckons for you to follow him 

oh?😏😉

“I know a better work environment than here.” 

oh. 

“What’s your name? I’m y/n, it’s my third year.” 

“Woah, third year? my name’s ong seongwoo. I just got here.” 

huh, freshman 

seongwoo doesn’t say much after

he leads you to a common study area in the enormous fraternity house 

you turn away as he sets up the laptop and everything bc privacy!!!

but the number of brain cells you have left won’t allow you to remember his login details anyway 

“thanks,” you murmur bashfully 

well, this is an expected and rather awkward situation 

seongwoo plants himself in the chair a few seats away from yours 

he pulls out study materials from his backpack 

??? hello? sis, u shld be enjoying the party downstairs ???

you try to shift your fullest attention on your project 

but!! his presence alone is so loud prominent, it’s giving you a hard time keeping your eyes off😔🤧

anyway u manage to suck it up and finish paper and submit it just in time! 

a miracle 

maybe he is your angel ;)

you turn to face him and,,,seongwoo has fallen asleep!! on his books!! 

his hair is slightly tousled and his glasses rest askew on his face 

papers flap in his face but he’s too gone to care 

the poor child is tired 

💓💖💕soft hours💕💖💓: open

gently, you tap his shoulder 

“seongwoo? hey, um, your laptop,” 

he only stirs the 2nd time you call him

Cute

groggily, he covers his face and speaks into his hands 

he mumbles something about ‘dealing with it later’

you figure it would be best if you left him alone to nap 

suddenly, seongwoo grabs your arm 

at least, he reaches for it

“I need your number to claim that favour.” 

my number ????

for half a second, your heart does pitter patters 

he’s only being objective though...

and it was you who suggested it in the first place 

sighing, you punch your number into his phone 

“okay, but use it wisely and...try not to...call or text so much...”

that sounds rlly mean >:( 

“yeah i’ll keep that in mind.” 

there’s an underlying layer of...cheekiness? in seongwoo’s tone 

your brain jumps to the first conclusion it can think of 

“I don’t date younger guys, Seongwoo,” 

rEGRET FILLS YOUR ENTIRE BEING IMMEDIATELY AFTER 

now, Seongwoo looks up and beams broadly 

“Bold of you to assume I’m interested,” he taunts playfully 

red sinks into your face and you defend yourself in splutters 

“I’m not interested in general! I’m prioritising my studies and everything else! It was just to make sure you know where we stand-“ 

futile, really 

“relax,” he replies. “Just saying, I could change your mind.” 

Cocky 

but true lol

an amused scoff leave your lips and your arms go akimbo

“I’d like to see you try, freshman.” 

~

*back to the present* 

You: really, Seongwoo. I don’t see why you can’t drop by the printing station yourself 

Seongwoo: you are seated RIGHT NEXT to it. Just fold the papers into aeroplanes and fly them over 

You: a 15-page research paper ?? That clearly says ‘do not bend’ 

Seongwoo: ignore it. Throw it over 

you never predicted this was where life would take you 

here you were, sat in the library, the table by the printing room 

and Seongwoo was seated a few tables away, texting you to collect his freshly printed document

just because 

You: Oh my god shut up you’ll get points deducted if your paper is the least bit crumpled 

You: i’ll just bring it over 

so,,,you did 

you brought seongwoo’s papers over to his table 

he had been watching from afar, lips pulled into a dumb smile

“thank you, senior.” 

boy had the audacity to say that in front of your salad 

just to tease him, you reply: 

“yeah, senior, just how I like my future boyfriend.” 

with that remark, the smile slips off seongwoo’s face and his jaw clenches

but he tries to play it off all cool😎🤧

you shoot the sweetest smile you can muster before skipping back to your table 

*beep beep*

I nearly put vibrate -

Seongwoo: that doesn’t count as using my favour card! 

your head shakes, but your mouth smiles 

it was no secret that seongwoo had a small! crush on you 

even if it was, everyone knew 

his whole frat and most of his seniors 

your friends and roommates 

the whole bloody campus 

this relationship started out with seongwoo following you on ig

then occasionally dropping a text and wishing you well 

he also hyped up all your pics 

and said hi whenever you bumped into each other 

it escalated to meeting up for brunch or a movie 

just...as friends, casually 

but you enjoyed his company and goofing around much more than some blind dates 

now, texting him was a regular 

going out was common 

and you haven’t even counted the number of times you guys met at social events 

sometimes, he made you feel so✨ special, precious, wanted by doing the smallest things 

like a tea on your table 

or going the extra mile to cheer you up 

most of the time at the expense of his handsome face 

he was always,,,there

you did find out about his feelings, though he never addressed them fully

it was fun!! to press his buttons as a friend 

“yeah idk abt dating someone younger. Wbu?” 

“Hmm. Senior year makes everyone 10x hotter.” 

thOSE WERE JOKES 

BANTER, PEOPLE, BANTER 

but...you weren’t certain if that would turn into something more 

you know, you hadn’t given dating someone younger a thought 

it never crossed your mind 

maybe it was a subconscious deal breaker 

you were always quick to bring age into making deals 

old broken deals could be made new 

the concept was incredibly foreign 

my boyfriend? younger? 

Personally, you could never see that happen 

b-but seongwoo made you sO DAMN HAPPY ALL THE TIME 

there was sunshine in his smiles

and starlight in his eyes 

ᵕ꒳ᵕ

uGh fEELINGS 

but is this attraction? 

Eventually, after many sleepless nights, up thinking about this, you made up your mind

If he made a move first, 

bc ur scared 

you would be hella open to dating him 

f*ck that ‘older people only’ rule 

(⁄˘⁄ ⁄ ω⁄ ⁄ ˘⁄)♡

[3.06am] seongwoo leaves a voicemail. He says, “hey, will you go on a date with me? I like you.”

[3.14am] seongwoo leaves another voicemail. “I’ll use my favour card if I have to. Just give me a chance.” 

anD HOLY F*CK YOU DON’T knOW HOW TO ACT AFTER HEARING THOSE 

RIGHT WHEN YOU WAKE UP 

yOur heaRT IS FLUTTERING AND YOU CAN FEEL THE BLUSH COMING 

UGH SWEETHEART YOU GOT IT BAD 

so u jump on this bandwagon and call him asap 

it goes straight to voicemail but you don’t leave one 

hehe

you know,,,to build suspense 

all day long, that’s all you can think about 

SeoNGWOO LIKES ME?

~

[8.17am] seongwoo wakes up to a silent voicemail from you 

he doesn’t know what to think of it 

he dials your number with shaking hands and before you can utter a word, he rushes, “meet me at xxx cafe at 11am” 

then hangs up 

Tumblr: 101 cafe date outfit ideas

Seongwoo arrives early and orders a drink while waiting 

he also picks out a window booth to sit at 

his nerves could eat him alive if they teamed up 

what would you say to him? 

how badly did you react to his 3am confession 

getting mildly intoxicated on Daniel’s stash was a horrible idea

he spilt all his secret uwus

the bell chimes 

and all his attention is focused on you 

your eyes land on him 

a smile graces your face as you walk over 

“I like you too.” 

“Damn, you better not be messing with me right now,” seongwoo nervously chuckles. “I know I sent you th-“ 

“Oh my god! I like you!” 

For a moment, his smart mouth runs dry, surprised 

“Oh wow, what happened to your older guys only rule?”

You smack his chest in mock annoyance

“Rules are made to be broken! Let’s not talk about that.” You turn various shades of red 

Grinning like the Chesire cat, Seongwoo teases, “And that’s the beauty of it.” 

[matronaa]

Jungkook “fuckboy?” drabble

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 1,637

Genre: Fluff/mentions of smut?

Okay look its about 1 in the morning while im writing this and i just got done literally scrolling thru @jungshookz  e n t i r e page and honestly ive been delusionally laughing over her stories for like an hour and a half like the tattooartist!jungkook fic legit killed me i love it  and i’m probably going to force my friend to check her out because legit i love it so much and she seems like such a funny person and if she sees this 1) ily and ur writing and i wanna be friends but idk how to start a conversation because im a awKwARd bEan and 2) im sorry for probably spamming ur notifications with likes okay i couldnt help it so now im inspired for the first time in a while to write but im way to loopy to put together an actual fic so enjoy this ig

Okay i should stop rambling (okay just note that im so sleep deprived that i had to google ‘words for excessive talking’ to remember the word rambling because im an idiot and i cant think and ooo its 1:11 am rn make a wish b*tches)

Okay im sorry ill begin~

A/n all of this is completely unedited and if bad grammar annoys you srry not srry

Lets talk about what fuckboy!jungkook is oki

I feel like in reality there are just a bunch of rumors about him but hes so smol and hes the quiet type so he doesnt have the energy to dismiss them

Like im sorry soft jungkook is way to good in my mind rn okay #cuddles4days im not in the mood for him to strangle me with his amazing biceps

Anyway

you never rlly met him in the 4 years of going to the same highschool as him (since you’re in those smart people classes like humanities) until senior year

You and him had the same AP Lit. class lmao english class is  l i t

Which surprised you bc of the rumors like i thought he was a badboy ?? arent those normally idiots ??

Nah my bby is a smart nugget, he just likes to look hella bf 25/8

First day of school cliche where you show up late to class and have to sit next to him because i  d i e  for those plots okay

But you dont know thats him because you’ve never seen him, so you’re confused on why most of the girls keep glaring at you

But soon enough you catch on and you’re like fml

And then the professor is like “where you are sitting is your assigned seating for the rest of the year” and you’re like f m L

He ends up introducing himself to you because i mean like table buddies

But hes really nervous because hes a cute little bean and you’re hella cute cuz lets be honest ur probably wearing like basic black leggings and a hoodie with your hood over your head to hide the bed hair you didnt feel like brushing that morning

Oh, just me? Okay…

He likes ur name because it rolls off the tongue and he thinks it suits you even tho he doesnt know you

Yet ( ͡° ��ʖ ͡°)

You dont really think hes a fuckboy because he seems so nice and he has the cutest lil bunny smile sEE

That is until after school u end up getting to ur locker late because u left something in one of your classes

And u see him pinning a girl against the lockers down the hall

And ur like well shit nvm

And u quickly get ur shit and go because das  a w k w a r d

But then he sees u run off and hes like awh crap i dun fucked up

A few weeks go by and u notice he barely really comes to class so u usually sit alone

On days he does come his chair seems extra close to yours and he’s basically smothering you

But u dont mind because he smells nice

And on the days he does come you get kinda excited because

1) you get a partner who doesnt expect you to do all of the work

2) this boy cute when he gets all intelligent

Ur  like “yes pls continue speaking about the essay we are writing that i have no idea is on because i kept getting lost in the sound of ur voice”

He notices when u zone out because you start staring at his lips when hes talking and he thinks its the cutest thing

One day u get assigned a week long project and ur close enough friends with jungkook to basically scold and force him to come to class all week

But only if he can force u to come to his house to work on it after school

Which you’re low key nervous of because ur going to a ‘fuckboy’s house’ by yourself

And u dont wanna do the dirty because ur a pure child haha not for long

But you agree anyway

And honestly even after the project is done (which you got an A on) you continue going over to his house because his bed is comfortable and he always has snacks

And his mom loves you

Like legit on days you dont go the next day you do she’s like “wheRE WERE YOU”

When the semester is over the professor lets you pick seats but you both enjoy each other’s company so you stay seated together.

finally ur at his house one day and ur just laying on his bed scrolling thru insta and he’s sitting on his bean bag in the corner on his phone and u look up at him and realise

Shit

You like him

Like a lot

And u mentally face palm because this was not supposed to happen

But it happened and you’re too far down the hole to climb out

Sometimes u end up napping at his house after school because his bed is more comfortable than yours and one friday night u wake up in his arms

And its like the best feeling ever

Its so warm and hes so cuddly hes like latched onto you

You stay under the warm blankets before you question when he even got in bed since he was playing video games before you fell asleep

And then his phone lights up and ofc you check it for him bc ur a nosey bitch

But not before you observed how adorable he was while he was sleeping

Nope not creepy at all

its his friend tae texting him (you didn’t really know his friends since you had different friend groups)

You check it and its smth like “stop staring at y/n while shes sleeping and reply u creep”

And you’re like w a t

So you scroll up and see that while u were sleeping jungkook went on a full rant on how cute u are and how whipped he is

And ur like holy fadoodles dis boy likes me

And so u decided to text tae like “this is y/n, does he actually like me”

Which turns into you both having a convo on how thirsty jungkook is until he wakes up

Hes like wtf r u doing and he snatches the phone and reads through your messages with tae while u like sit up to stare at him

And he’s still half asleep so it takes him to realise whats going on

“Omfg y/n i can explain-”

He starts rambling about how long he had been crushing on u and that he didn’t want to tell you because you seemed uninterested so he kept it a secret and never told anyone

And honestly he was freaking out because the onE tiMe he tells anyone that he likes you, you find out

But while he’s rambling you’re coming up with an excuse to text your mom that you’re spending the night at his house, so you just say he’s not feeling well and his parents are gone for the weekend.

Lmao she doesnt care she’s just like “lmao ik ur lying but have fun dont get pregnant”

Or Maybe thats just my mom idk

You have to shut him up by snatching his phone out of his hands and kissing him

When you pull away you’re just like “you talk too much lmao”

You explain to him that you like him too and u just get under the covers again and snuggle up next to him, and he wraps his arms around you

And you stay like that for a while before hes like “its late you should get home”

And you tell him you’re staying the night whether he likes it or not

And he is so down for that

But then you end up just spending the weekend there because why not his parents love you

And every night is just filled with cuddling, watching netflix, making out, late night snacks, etc.

Saturday night he gets a lil touchy and soon enough ur like straddling him and grinding your hips against his

But then he’s like “Ive never done this before” and you c o m b u s t

Ur like aren’t you like the school fuckboy how have you not done this

And he tells you its all just rumors and hes too lazy to set the record straight

And you basically decide to take things slow that night since it was you’re first time too and honestly it was so cute

It wasn’t really steamy rough sex it was more soft fluffy love making that is filled with giggling and exploring and appreciating each other

That was definitely the night you fell in love with him

Which is big because you thought love was gross

The next day you’re cuddling and he’s like “you know ur my gf now”

And ur like duh

You start going on cute dates after that like going to cafes or amusement parks

He loved taking you to the beach during the summer because u looked gr8 in a bikini

You found out you were going to the same college with was fantastic, so you decided to rent an apartment together nearby the campus instead of living in a dorm.

Which normally you’d be against because moving in together so quickly ?? but you felt different like this relationship was going to last

UNTIL HE CHEATED

Lmao jk gotcha bitch

My baby is too pure and innocent to cheat

Well innocent until you both get into bed and then oh lord it gets steamy

He wants to experiment with like e v e r y t h i n g and honestly you were down

But ofc you set some boundaries.

There were lines he couldn’t cross

I mean sometimes he tried but you shut that down real quick

Overall your relationship was perfect and you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend

I mean he brought you pizza rolls and dr pepper to ‘study dates’ how could you not love him.

Oml it took me over an hour to write this its like 2:30 am why am i awake anyway imma go to bed now, idk ur name jungshookz but pls write more fanfics i need more to read late at night okay gnite

[shrimpalt8]

[● Realizing I ruined a completely good friendship all because I wasn't used to hearing kind words like that so casually

Like what do you mean it's hard to not look at me

What do you mean you enjoy my interests normally

Are you being serious when you ask me if I'm alright

I know I'm not fully to blame here, but I wish I was just not as fucked up so I could have maintained that friendship. Instead I got scared because I wasn't used to hearing the words "I love you" from someone genuinely because I was a lonely bullied kid with not many friends and grew up online and due to a few experiences and tragic happenings, I started viewing people around me as enemies if they started acting a little out of the ordinary because of bad people in the past.

Like this person was a little weird and quirky but it scared me and I started retracting and lashing out because I didn't know how to deal with that pressure. Eventually I made another friend and while they were not a great person, they were kind and understood me. I just wish they had a bit more common sense and respect, which I'm sure they learned later on. But they made the mistake of telling their friends something and those friends told me and I was completely shocked and sort of in denial. Like there's no fucking way. I was just nice to you and showed you basic companionship! No way that resulted in- how the fuck?!?!

But anyways because I'm not used to people being so close to me due to being super lonely and closed off, I took someone being close as a threat due to experiences with people being close (ahee hee an adult person being too close with me when I was a young lad and a kid being a little creepy towards me and my friend)

I also hated it when people stared at me. I still do. If I catch you staring at me I will actually freeze up and die. I don't even like making eye contact with people that much because of this. Anyways I fucked everything up because I was fucked up. I know it wasn't all my fault, but it feels like it was because to this day some of those moments still haunt me and cause me to lash out at anything and attack something. They shouldn't. I shouldn't be like this. Why am I like this. Why can't I just be normal? I know the answers but I wish I could just be normal with people. Nowadays I've got more of a grip, but sometimes that version of me comes back in certain situ8ions, and it causes me to get anxious and avoid people. I am trying my best to no longer be like that, but what else do I do when I can't handle a situ8ion? I feel like I owe everyone an apology, even though I know I don't really, since it isn't all my fault. I made mistakes and there's always room for improvement, but it wasn't all on me. This is why I have others here to step in and tell me to stand up for myself. Thank them both that they're here to be tough when I can't be. They all suffered what I did, but they handle things differently. One of them manages everything around them and the other talks to me about things and send me dreams that sometimes predict the future. With that being said, winter will be fuckin gr8.]

[remembermemorablememories]

Thursday, January 3, 2019

post #360

main points:

- wake up at 6:30am and help sheena with AP calc until 9am

- sleep from 9:30am-1pm

- leftover wawa sandwich for lunch and DJI mavic air drone stuff!!

- watch my own gameplay on elite smash from last night and first time doing actual analysis on my own gameplay. i roll a lot

- dinner with the fam

- smash ultimate practice

- fortnite with jonah and his friend, then josh and bryan

today i:

- woke up at 6:30am to my alarm. i had gotten 4 hours of sleep from 2:30am. i was really tired waking up and kind of disoriented

- went downstairs and made some oatmeal + pb + banana. dad also made some eggs + scallions, the classic meal i had for breakfast in high school

helped sheena with her AP calc homework from 7am-9am. i showed her the khan academy videos on chain rule and then explained it to her. then also some general tips that my physics teacher taught me in high school (i.e. identify what you want to find and what you’re given). we went over some examples of product rule and quotient rule. then also the trigonometric function derivatives. and then finally power rule examples and chain rule examples

sheena left for school around 9am for her quiz

- mom came downstairs and she talked to me a bit about her presentations for work and how they’re going. then i went back to bed around 9:30am and woke up at like 12:30/1pm. i set an alarm for 11:30am... but then snoozed it and it never went off...

- i got out of bed and heated up the leftover half of my chicken salad sandwich from wawa. it was gr8. then my mom went swimming around 1:45pm and i pulled out the DJI drone to see if i could set it up. i followed a tutorial to try to understand how all the controls work. took off all the stickers and such for the drone. also set up the controller. then i had to download and update the firmware like 2 times for some reason and the compass. and then i took it into the backyard and went on my first maiden flight!!

it was sooooooo cool. it’s so smooth. the gimbal does a really good job. also even with a slight breeze it was able to counter all of the movement very well so that it stayed in place. i flew it around for like maybe 10 minutes and then the battery was down to like 20% so i landed it and took it back inside to charge the battery

i took 4 minutes of 2k footage at 60fps and watched it on my laptop. it’s like 3gb. and it can go up to 4k... but yeah that’s pretty dope. i was in beginner mode cause i was so paranoid that i’d crash it

i watched some youtube videos about how to make the footage more cinematic and what camera settings to use for the drone. then the battery was charged again and i went out to the backyard to fly again. this time i disabled beginner mode and tried cinematic mode and tripod mode. then when i previewed the footage i was suggested a generated montage and it actually turned out pretty cool so i shared it with my parents and then the fam on wechat. the footage movement is buttery smooth and it’s so stunning :O so cool!! i really wish i brought it with me to death valley that would’ve been amazing

- around 4pm i came back upstairs and downloaded 6-7 replays from elite smash last night to try to analyze my own gameplay. i want to start spending more time on smash and getting more serious/trying to improve. when i played smash 4 it was kind of more just for fun. then i took on melee this past summer and i got more competitive about it (in terms of practicing tech and learning how to be a good player). and now with ultimate i can take my intuition from smash 4 and my mentality for melee tech to try to get good at this game

fyi i play falcon

i roll a lot, use down-b in situations when i shouldn’t, and just in general make choices without reacting to my opponent. i also should use back airs more. more optimal out of shield options like jumping or dashing instead of rolling, etc. after watching like 3 replays of myself i started to read what i was going to do which is bad LOL. but good that i’m able to notice it from the replays

- around 6:30pm dad finished making tofu, bok choy and some fish for dinner so we all went downstairs and ate. it was delicious :D except the ground beef for the tofu was more american/italian tasting with some red spice cause dad didn’t have time to get the ground beef from asian super markets. it was an interesting taste... but yeah i prefer the asian beef

showed my dad an indoor demo of the DJI drone. i was so paranoid i was gonna crash it somewhere but it was fine. whew. then i washed the dishes and talked to my dad a bit

- went upstairs around 8pm and practiced smash ultimate with falcon with my new knowledge i learned from watching my own replays. i played against level 9 CPUs and tried to throw out more back airs for spacing. i also caught myself whenever i rolled (near the ledge) so that’s good. then i decided to just go into training mode to practice the short hop back flip. short hop back air. short hop nair. when i short hop nair forward, sometimes it turns into knee, so i needa fix that too

i unlocked some more characters like snake, pichu, lucas and meta knight (since i’m still playing on the new nintendo account)

also while training i hopped on a call with josh chris and trevor on discord. i haven’t talked to them in a really long time!! it’s nice hanging with them. i kind of went inactive for the semester (like i usually do) at school but now that i’m back we can play video gamez

i’m updating fortnite right now at 10:07pm. chris and josh are playing final fantasy online on PC. i’m gonna take a shower and then hopefully bryan and trevor will be back and the 4 of us can play squads in fortnite!!!

i haven’t played on my PC in like a month or two so this should be fun

the end

update:

i played fortnite with jonah and one of his friends in a few rounds of team rumble. that was pretty dope. then played two rounds of squads with josh and bryan. then i went to sleep :p

[suspendrs]

2017 is finally coming to an end, so i thought i’d celebrate with another fic rec!!! here, have just a few fics i really loved that were posted throughout the year!!

only in love and war by louisexxcobain (3k)

Harry gets called to Dunkirk by the draft, but all that matters to him is getting home to his Lou.

with you in your dreams by lululawrence (4k)

“And how are you boys doing?” Professor Trelawney asked as she came to their table. Her wide eyes blinked at the two of them before peeking into the cup. “Ooh, a heart! How interesting…”

Harry’s eyes widened and he looked at Louis. Louis was just looking into the cup in interest. “Should I note that as well, then?”

“Absolutely, Tomlinson. What others do you have?” Trelawney looked at his scroll and she let out an overdramatic gasp. “Oh my my. It looks like someone definitely has love in their future! Those signs all stand for love, marriage, stability, togetherness, and when combined like this predominantly new love! Very interesting reading you’ve done there, Mr. Styles.”

She gave a wink at Harry and then whisked herself off to the next table.

Or the one where Professor Trelawney plays a very unlikely matchmaker.

strawberry swing by fondleeds (5k)

louis’ mouth tastes like nectarines and summer and his fingers are sticky and grimy with dirt, mulch and tiny wood chips clung to the static of his shirt, in his hair, and above him the swing is floating lazily back and forth.

today they’re nine and soon they’ll be ten and he’s got paint on his cheeks and harry is humming nonsense under his breath and painting tiny m birds on his palm. today they’re at the park and things are simple in the way that only children know.

our garden grows by ladylondonderry (5k)

Harry lives a rather mundane and dreary life, full of the same sorts of routine day in and day out.

One terribly dull and rainy day, a letter arrives from an L.T. who would very much wish for Harry to write back.

Too bad Harry can't figure out how.

baby, hold on to my heart by tightropeofhope (6k)

Here was the dilemma: Louis and Harry were out with their mates window shopping because there was nothing else to do and Louis brought an antique ring, hoping to pawn it off to get some quick cash. It was a small, old thing, all rusted and gold, but it had its charm. The owner didn't take it because of the minuscule crack down the middle of the jewel, so Louis just shrugged and handed it to Harry without a thought.

Louis gives Harry a ring as a joke, but Harry starts wearing the ring everywhere he goes.

let’s go get away by letsjustsee (6k)

When Louis had moved to the island a year ago, he only wanted two things: to serve good food to good people, and to live on the beach. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently the universe thought so, because Louis had only gotten three months of blissful, uninterrupted beach living before Harry Styles moved in to the empty shop next door. Louis was hoping whoever took over the space might be a tour guide, or even another restaurant (with non-competing menu options, of course), but no – he had gotten Harry Styles. The guy who wore Hawaiian dad-shirts unironically. The guy who spent his time making soap by hand out of goat’s milk.

Or, a fluffy AU in which Louis owns a restaurant that's next door to Harry's shop, and Louis is completely unaware how smitten he really is.

sea salt and chocolate by cupcakeL (10k)

“How can I help you?” He looked at the customer and wow, Harry was pretty sure this guy had the bluest eyes he had ever seen. When the guy opened his mouth Harry could almost feel the venom in his voice.

“Do you have some kind of truffle that passive aggressively says ‘fuck you’?”

Or Harry owns a confectionary/café and Louis is an aspiring musician who needs to break up with his boyfriend via truffles.

far afield by quickedween (11k)

Harry Styles is a witch who owns the best flower shop in Manchester. Lottie Tomlinson is planning her wedding, and brings her brother along to her first appointment. Both men have been having a bad day and sparks fly.

murmur by reveries_passions (12k)

"The sun warmed their skin, dried any and all remnants of Louis' tears, made Harry's curly hair glow. The sounds of the city below seemed to disappear; it was just them, overlooking everything, the only two people in the world who understood each other."

in which louis is a little bit empty, harry is a little bit new to all this, and, coincidentally, they're both just about as deaf as two lonely teenagers can be.

sound like a song by allwaswell16 (14k)

In high school, Louis Tomlinson lit up Harry’s world like nobody else, even if Harry did most of his pining from the safety of his tightly knit circle of friends. Ten years later, Harry is ready to make some changes. He’s tired of having so many regrets and not taking charge of his life, and he still hasn’t forgotten how brightly Louis shines. He’s about to get a long awaited second chance.

Or the one where Harry helps out at a farmer’s market and gives Louis free vegetables.

(make you want to) scream by lululawrence (16k)

While Louis' left hand plays with his nipple, his right reaches down and wraps around his dick and that's when he really knows something is wrong.

The dick in his hand does not feel like his own.

damn the dark, damn the light by hrrytomlinson (20k)

“Why is this face of beauty ringing so true?” The genuine confusion in Harry’s voice causes Louis’ chest to painfully twinge. “You’re a complete stranger in my eyes, William Shakespeare, but not in my heart. How is that possible?”

Louis wants to live out every romance plot he has ever written in his own life. He wants to be the protagonist of his own narrative, the hero who finds true love and gets his happy ending. Instead, Louis is stuck with only dreaming of such wild fantasies and writing them down. He can create entire romances in his dreams, yet he can never live one.

you know sometimes words have two meanings by alienharry (22k)

"... Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they're born." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Harry and Louis navigate the universe.

resist everything except temptation by domesticharry (100k)

The lethargic sound of heels clicking against wood resonated across the sea. Footsteps descended the staircase, every assured step creating a menacing aura as it grew closer. Perspiration gathered along Louis’ palms as the rhythmic sound halted in front of him.

“Captain,” Malik greeted.

Louis watched out of his peripheral as Malik’s boots shuffled back a few steps. Sweat matted the hair along the nape of Louis’ neck as he waited for something to happen. He felt as if a sharp blade was twisting his gut as the silence became tangible. There was a metallic slide of a sword being pulled out of its sheath, the sound startling Louis out of his cocoon of sterile shock. His shoulders jumped as the tip of a blade flattened underneath his jaw. Louis’ distorted reflection stared back at him in the polished metal. Engraved rose petals twisted his appearance as they crawled up the length of the sword. The sword lifted and took Louis’ chin with it.

Standing in front of Louis was Captain Styles.

OR

The one where Louis is the commodore's son who is forced to become a part of Harry's crew when he is captured.

thanks for a gr8 year of gr8 fics everyone!! catch me trying to keep up with monthly fic recs in the new year!!!

[capseycartwright]

Lorna, you seem like you really have it together and I really admire your approach to life - I'm due to start university this year after taking a gap year, and I would love love if you had any advice to give, I'm so nervous about starting!

anon i won’t lie i teared up a bit knowing i won’t b heading back to uni this september and had to take five million years to answer your message, i’m sorry. ok firstly i don’t have life together i just am good at giving off that impression because fake it until you make it, and thats my biggest advice tbh. i had like zero friends going to my uni and definitely zero doing my course and i was an anxiety ridden nerd and my cousin was just like, fake it until u make it and its the best advice - pretend like you’re confident and you’ve got your shit together and all will be well, really. i so so believe that the more positive, good vibes you put out into the universe, the more good things will come your way, so fake it until you make it and just like, embrace everything that comes along with uni, you know? like uni can suck so much sometimes but its also what u make of it so take a positive mindset and it genuinely makes it easier.

get involved!!! like join clubs and societies and the student union and whatever else bc university is truly boring if you don’t, you absolutely won’t be as close to your classmates as you think you will be, and some of the very best friends i made (and the best fun i had) was through societies and the SU. plus (not to be boring) it looks SO GOOD on your CV. my first day of uni my lecturer was like you’re all going to leave here with the same degree, so its the extra things that make you stand out. so you can have fun and a banging cv by the end of uni, which is the dream. plus clubs/socs travel and do trips and conferences and its always going to be the highlight of my uni experience.

trust your gut, tbh. you’re going to meet so many people and if you think someone is going to suck, just walk away tbh. 3/4 years seems long at the start but its not and don’t waste ur time, tbh. same goes for people who can’t talk through their issues w/ u, or people who can’t accept criticism or u pointing out something they did hurt you. like you build such a gr8 support network at uni but only if you weed those people who aren’t worth your time out, tbh. 

honestly just like, embrace it and have fun because its going to be over before you know it, tbh. i’m at the end of five years that have felt like six months and i wish wish i could do it all over again, good and bad, bc its such a #blessing to be able to go to uni and have that experience

[imagine-wannaone]

It Cold™

I’m back at it again with the creative titles and this fic is v apt to me as I woke up to  Fricken load of snow outside. This was a realistic au request which honestly had me shook because I could do honestly anything but I hope this suits???

 • Okay so you attend one of those fancy as hell schools where you can board because people from around county attend and can’t easily go home every day,  • Lucky for you it’s only a 20 minute walk away from your house,  • 20 minutes too long because winter is a bitch to you and walking home in the rain is torture,  • Sometimes you WISH you boarded, like most of your friends,  • But life goes on I guess?  • So because of school the work is full on and stressful; there’s a lot of extra clubs,  • Which is where you first encounter Huang Justin, all the way from China but living in the next city over when not boarding,  • Seeing as you spend most of your time sat at a desk, the athletics teams practically calls your name,  • Or maybe that’s the lack of sleep from stress,  • Too relatable? I’ll stop,  • But you sign straight up and find yourself to be an all rounder with a specialty in sprinting?  • Fast as a whippet,  • But Huang Justin also happens to be on the team, a star in the jumping sports, whether it be long or high jump,  • But he often finds himself on the relay team as well because why not honestly this boy is an icon,

 • The teams sweetie honestly will stay through the WHOLE track meet to cheer every single person on from the team,  • And will always offer the best advice he can,  • And will always partner up with someone for warmups if they don’t want to be alone,  • Basically that one dude that’s sporty and nice so basically everyone loves them?  • Yeah that’s Huang Justin,  • And  you also think he’s honestly the best person in the continent,  • Justin and you usually hang out at athletics and chat a lot, You’re an iconic duo, although at school you hardly see each other,  • You talk often at practices and make banners for each other,  • Mutual support wow I love it,  • And you find Justin has a soft spot in your heart,  • But winter rolls around so the Christmas/winter holidays approach at the speed of light and before you know it the last class of school has ended,  • But you know when teachers just really seem to hate life and everything involved and decide homework for the holidays is a gr8 idea?  • Well yeah that happens,  • And you know when the teachers don’t even print out material for you?  • We yeah that also happens,  • So when the last bell of the term goes you find yourself sat in the school library printing off homework sheets,  • And by the time you finally drag yourself out of the library a small scale storm has started?  • You’re shook™  • Why were you not informed??? It’d just been freezing cold when school had finished but apparently mother nature has mood swings and you were at her nasty mercy,  • Honestly she needs to pull herself together,

 • And you’re about to start shuffling through the building snow, stinging and biting at your bare skin,  • But as you waddle past the bus stop, getting ready to battle your way to your house, a figure huddled against the bus stop calls your name over the wind,  • You spin, catch yourself from slipping and slide over the figure quickly, not wanting to spend any extra time in the wicked temperature,  • You can make out the figure of Huang Justin, travel bag over his shoulder, and a thick coat wrapping him but still visibly shivering,  • This is when I literally want to wrap people up and give them hot drinks,  • “Y/N, You live around here right?”  • You nod quickly, the scarf wrapped around your face would muffle your words Anyway,  • “I know we’re not the closest but the storm stopped all the buses, do you think I could stay over?”  • It takes less than a second to think over your answer,

 • You could never leave someone in a storm with nowhere to go,  • And the fact this is Justin makes the choice even easier,  • So that’s how you find yourself making your way home in a small scale snow storm, battling the elements together,  • You wrap your extra long scarf around both of your necks because when you get water down your neck it’s the Actual worse,  • You bump into each other a little bit and you really try not to accidentally strangle him with it but it’s efficient enough,  • And you’re walking in relative silence, trying to ignore the sting of the snow and the ice in your bones, when a warm hand closes around yours and brings it into Justin’s coat pocket,  • And you let your eyes float to his face, you don’t know whether it’s red from the cold or the weather but you smile a little at the action and carry on,  • Hands thawing out and a happy heart 10/10,  • And like it’d be weird and way too fast with anyone else,  • But it’s Justin, a fluffy bean who has everyone best interests at heart, and he’s not exactly a stranger,  • And you’re kinda disappointed when you have to take your hand away to unlock the door, your parents not home for the weekend (on a weekend break) and your brother, Jinyoung, still has a few more days of university before returning home,  • You both tumbled through the door and into the warmth and you wanted to cry because CENTRAL HEATING,  • But you stay strong and show Justin upstairs, lending him some of your brother’s warm baggy clothes used especially for doing nothing,  • Doing nothing - your special skill,  • Everyone knows the second step to getting warm is hot drinks,  • And really, hot chocolate is the perfect answer to everything right?  • Justin definitely agrees, when you push the mug towards him across the counter a smile stretches across his face and his eyes light at the steam,  •  Never have you seen someone so excited for hot chocolate,  • You sneak glance at him as he chugs the hot drink, graceful as ever,  • His damp hair is drying leaving patches looking extremely soft, and his cheeks are still slightly red and your brother’s clothes fit him nicely,  • You seriously hope he warms up soon because you don’t want him freezing in your house nOpe,  • So you turn the heating up even higher,  • Like you defo tryna make the whole house a sauna,  • And you grab all of the blankets your house has to offer before hurding the boy to the sofa,

 • Before you can throw approximately half of the world’s blankets over you, he grabs your wrist, pulling you down as well,  • His laughter rings in your ears as your body comes crashing down into the sofa as well, completely unprepared for such a situation

 • You swear you hear him murmur CUTE,

 • It makes your heart double honestly how adorable could he be,

 • He leans down to grab a few of the abandoned blankets before throwing an arm over your shoulder, making your cheeks flush,  • You’re definitely going to play it off as still being cold,  • But you know Justin won’t fall for that he damn smart,  • “Come on, Y/N, you’re letting me stay, let me look after you as well,”  • Wow where was this Justin in the relay races?  • He’s way too much,  • So you put on a film and hide under the blankets,  • And then you realise you still have to eat, but you can’t order anything in this weather but you’re not too great at cooking,  • You nearly made Jinyoung sick in year 8 from a curry you made rip,  • But then, if you thought Justin couldn’t get any better, he really pulls it out the bag and pulls a couple of packets of ramyeon out of his bag???  • “Justin what the hell do you pack for your journeys???”

 • “Essentials”  • You stare at his bag of mysteries essentials, as he directs himself around your kitchen with a relaxed ease,

 • Justin obviously had a very different view of essentials to you as you peek inside the bag to see 6 pairs of earphones and 4 cans of hairspray,

 • Maybe you needed to change your ideas of essential,  • You sit opposite each other in the kitchen to eat, caught in an intense competition to see who would laugh first,

  • You’re bored nerds okay what else are you supposed to do?    • But then you decide to stoop low indeed and tickle the boy opposite you,  • He can’t take it, bursting out laughing and spraying you in noodles, causing you to fall off of your chair in shock, which only increased his laughter,  • He rounds the side and offers you a hand up, a beautiful smile gracing his flawless face and you swear he has a glowing aura,  • Lmao it’s just the kitchen lights but no one tells you so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  • But he doesn’t expect you to spring up so fast, you feel like you’re flying and when you land on your feet you’re damn close to Huang Justin himself,  • The soft smile stays on his face as you look up at him, feeling the heat radiate off this chest, soft hands steadying you,  • So you step away to wash the plates because that is way too much for your weak heart it seems,  • But he’s quick to pick up a tea towel, jumps into the kitchen counter and starts to dry for you, starting an easy conversation about who on the sprint team could be in the next relay team,  • Wow a domestic soon to be couple,  • And then it’s back to the sofa and under the blankets,  • Sleeping is a whole different argument,  • Justin doesn’t want to use any of your families beds, because that might be a bit weird,  • And you agree - sleeping in a stranger bed? No thanks,

 • But you want him to sleep in your bed, you can’t have a guest sleep on the sofa,  • But he insists he’s fine on the sofa, that you should sleep in your own bed,  • So you meet in the middle and both sleep on the sofa, it’s honestly easier tbh,  • And you had one of those soft, swallow-you-whole material sofas, so that was comfy as hell Anyway,  • And boy were there enough blankets for a small army,  • But you wake up with Justin’s arm wrapped around your waist with his warmth radiating towards your side,  • You turn your face to the side, nearly jumping when his sleeping eyes appear right in-front of yours,  • He looks so peaceful and vulnerable and you have to admit he seems to be the cutest you’ve ever seen him, hair tousled and face unhindered by any expression,  • You can’t help but stare I mean who can blame you, you have Huang Justin sleeping literally right next to you, using you as a teddy bear,

 • You contemplate what to do, get up? Pretend to sleep till he wakes up? Keep on staring?  • You slowly close your eyes and try to calm your heartbeat, that had unhelpfully started to quicken,  • You’re 99% sure Justin would be able to feel your heartbeat when he woke up and you don’t want him thinking you’re having a heart attack,  • “Pretending to sleep, huh Y/N?”  • Well done, you played yourself,  • “And you weren’t?”  • “Touché, y/n, touché”  • You open your eyes to find his brown ones, soft and beautiful, looking directly at yours,  • And in the warmth of layers of blankets, with snow built high outside and the sun rising through the window, the two of you lean in to share your first, wonderful, dizzying kiss,