#like i feel like thats a fair reason to not like someone
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man i open tumblr and the very first thing i see is ctommy neg. what cruel and evil world is this
#my post#IN TWO THOUSAND AND TWENTY FOUR??#admittedly the post was from 2021 but still. good lird.#idk man maybe tommy was 'hypocritical' about how he treated others vs dream because. because dream kidnapped and abused and murdered him??#like i feel like thats a fair reason to not like someone#RATTLES THE BARS OF MY CAGE THATS IS NOT WHAT TOMMY MEANT BY 'YOU HAVE THICKER SKIN THAN ME'#he thinks tubbos better at handling all of it!! bcus tubbo doesnt TELL ANYONE ANYTHING#so tommy assumes bcus hes jumping a mile every time he takes damage and tubbos not that tubbos stronger than him! that hes worse than tubbo#slams my head into the floor. he doesnt know chat.#idk i hate when people pretend tommy is uniquely fucked up and evil and cruel. does he lash out does he do hurtful things does he say mean#things YES but not any more than literally everyone else on the server#head in hands. ok im good now im good im normal again.#ignore me im good all is well
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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i think if i go to work today i may actually explode or turn into a puddle of mush or some other sort of physical manifestation of a mental breakdown
#i mean i will still go it wouldnt be fair on my coworkers#but fucking hell i dont want toooooo#so anxious!!!! and for what!!!!!#did maybe have a little cry at work yesterday and yet that apparently wasnt enough to get it out of my system#i hate customers can they go die please#sick of being humiliated constantly!!!! all my life ive felt constantly humiliated!!!! humiliated as a child continue to be humiliated by my#disabilities and body malfunctioning as an adult!!!! and now humiliated everyday by rich middle class customers who think they are better#than me and that anyone who works in fast food must be stupid!!!!! which is not true!!!!! but even if it was thats no reason to look down#on someone!!!!!!#hateeee that i feel like i as a person am being sold as a product too hate that i have to have a name badge and be perceived want to hide#under my covers in my flat and only think about a-yao forever#how a-yao put up with constant and worse humiliation for so long is actually insane#<-linking everything back to ayao to make me feel better lol
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ooh was reading up on that disney case and someone said that the company is stalling for time to rack up lawyer costs so the plaintiff ends up dropping the case which sounds like something theyd do
#apparently sisney itself was like were saying this bc the case should be filed against the restaurant and not disney itself which is somethi#something reasonable that could be argued for and against#but if thats the case just say that?? dont say they cant sue you because they fucking bought tickets and a d+ subscription from you years be#before? thats not how literally any of that works the fuck#bc you bought something and agreed to our terms which included between two different hyperlinks that u waive your right to sue you cant sue#us for this that happened several years after you bought the thing#ghoulish behavior honestly#if didney truly wouldnt be found at fault for the wrongful death or if the lawyers thought they had a fair chance st arguing for that to get#get out of being sued theyd say that from the beginning i feel#but since they went for this crazy ass left hook instead im inclined to believe theyre just draeing things out bc they ARE at fault and they#they know it#god#there are many reasons why i decided law wasnt for me but god damn is this one of them#like i get that lawyers dont necessarily have to agree theyre just being paid to represent someone elses wishes#but fuck if this kind of shit pisses me off#im not sure how determining who is at fault would work bc like#you would think its the restaurant itself for not having safe food handling practices#im not sure abt criminal case idk if u could say they were guilty i dont know enough abt law but in a civil case i think u have a fair chanc#chance at saying the restaurant is at fault#but it was on disney property? so i guess disney would be at fault? idk how this works but that seems wrong to me? unless you say that becau#because disney allowed them to operate their and didnt make proper sure they followed protocol? idk im not a lawyer that part confuses me#but thats not the issue at hand apparently#we need to erase disney feom existence right this second#michi tag
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okay okay. now that ive got the complaining out of my system i do need to say. i recognize that expecting this show to be brilliant all the time is unfair and it IS important to recognize that its really fundamentally a small dark comedy spin off show. in fact i think one of the main reasons this show GETS so much hate is because the long wait between episodes builds up high expectations and fans want it to be amazing and groundbreaking the whole time (ive actually briefly mentioned this before. there's a whole essay in my drafts abt this rn)
all of that said. i WAS deeply disappointed by the episode unhappy campers, but i also recognize this is an episodic situational comedy show, and i'm not gonna hold it against the show or anything. this is very rambly i just. i think its very good and useful to be able to recognize that this show really can be hit or miss and you can be disappointed with it without having to devolve into critic and anti territory (i previously said i still thought it was a good episode, just not for me, but i have since changed my mind. i do think it was a bad episode actually. there were... crumbs? of it? that i thought were really good? but barely and even at this episode's best, NONE of it feels on par with the rest of the show. but again, expecting this show's best to be the STANDARD is not fair.)
i really don't know where i'm going with this i just want to point this out i guess bc i have never REALLY complained about this show before and i don't wanna come across as pessimistic or anti. but i don't think this was a good episode at all and that's alright
#mine#helluva boss#this makes no sense sorry#desire to express negative opinions vs fear of being grouped in with antis#i am still hbs biggest defender ofc i just have media literacy and critical analysis skills#yeah this episode sucked ass compared to the rest of the show that doesnt mean the show itself is bad or actively devolving#i DO really think the next episode will be better and i AM excited for more. i just wish a lot had been way different abt this ep#okay like. at risk of sounding really annoying. i am worried about criticizing this show because it gets SO MUCH criticism thats#really not fair at all and the last thing i WANT is to sound like that#esp bc so much of the fandom has a knee jerk defensive reaction to ANY criticism bc of. you know. our show getting so#much hate for stupid reasons (or no reason)#and i feel like maybe some other people might also be nervous to express negative opinions or disappointment#(me though? i am incapable of shutting the fuck up. so perhaps this might be some small reassurance to anyone else<3)#being in this fandom is like being in a war trench but someones gotta pull the pin#e: unhappy campers#helluva boss unhappy campers#nyx crit tag
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fun fact i got on a call tn cuz i thought itd make me feel better cuz ive been rly fucking miserable lately n usually that helps but in all honesty it made everything one million times worse n im so sad abt it
#it wasnt even his fault it was my faukt for being like this#n for being a dumb bitch#but it still sucks#n now im jsut laying here all lonely n jealous n upset#n i never wanna call anybody or talk to anybody ever again#n it's my own fuckjn fault#im gonna be like this forever yk#this is jsut the best its gonna get for me n nobody fucking listens when i say that#its all 'it'll get better eventually' 'u just gotta wait until u can do this that m the other'#all that bullshit#n thags all it is its all just bullshit#cuz nobody likes it when somebody's upset nobody likes to just sit with u n let u be upset#n it sucks#it sucks so bad#n i get that i csnt expect anyone to deal w me on the bad nights#cuz the bad nights are mostly all of them#n thags not fair to expect of someone or to even want rly#but goddamn i just wish i had somebody id feel ok talking to#it's so bad man i always feel so bad#its been like this forever n im sick n fucking tired of it#but god fucking forbid a i wanna cut myself abt it#n god fucking forbid it makes me not wanna live so much#jesus fucking christ#theres not a good reason for me to stick around#idont make anybody happy i dknt do anything worth a damn im not worth being around#n thats just how it is#thats just how it fucking is its not even a mstter of opinion
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
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once again asking begging for a rival
#like fuckkk#i wanna beat someone up and get beat up by someone. but like. erotically but not? yknow????#i want to be treated wholely as a person and hated for no reason. i just want to hate someone and be mean to someone without reason#i want to not be treated like a delicate little flower for once! i want to be able to show my emotions insted of constantly repressing them!#i want to get bloody noses and broken lips and black eyes and bruises to litter my body not from my own direct doing#i want to be on the same level with someone. on the same level enough to be able to hate eachpther but take care of eachother#i want to love the hate i could have for someone#or just fuck- i want to be treated either as a person or as something wholely not. one or the other just not pityed#hate being soft spoken and frail and get talked over and just constantly feel like a girl in worst ways#i want to cry and be angry with someone that can cry and be angry with me#i cant love but fuck if i dont want smth close to it. am have soft sweet amazing boyfriend but at same timd i just.#i want to hurt someone and have someone hurt me just to feel something more. i keep saying this but i wish when i wasnt programed#by government to be convinient for them. to be convinient to those around me. i want to feel and be angry again.#i have a right to be upset for everything thats happened to me and those i care for and should be allowed to say it.#fuck man- i just want someone to kick me when im down physically and be there for me silently when neex#need someone to punch me for being a doofus. fuck fuck i just want someone that will treat me like a equal on a level.#i want to be hurt like im strong. i want to hit and punch and kick and be allowed to be violent#its not healthy to hold in but im forced to for others and i hate it. i like being nice i dont want to be mean#but i also just so badly want to be violent. to be able to express pain and hurt and feel like i should. like wish could. its not fair#anyways vent rambles sryyy-#vent#tw vent#in tags but yee#want to be hurt and hurt someone else on equal healthy consensual level yk?
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#i genuinely do think he's naturally one of the cutest dudes on earth he just has a face like that yk#was very funny watching kinpika and seeing him play this serious character and He Did An EPIC Job Dont Get It Twisted but still...#what are you doing here... you should be off somewhere being silly...
FUNNIEST POSSIBLE TAGS BECAUSE AT THE TIME I WAS STARTING THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE TRAVEL NURSE. AND. PLEASE WITNESS MY JOURNEY
I've redacted things so as to not spoil ENTIRELY just in case but. Literally Arakawa Nurse AU TO ME I'm SORRY it's how you start off thinking he's just gonna be this cute silly old man but As It Turns Out he's kind of a sicko [affectionate] with an incredibly strong morals... not TOO much of a sicko just enough to be chilling... and no one gets what the fuck he's trying to do up until he explains it and then it's like Oh Okay You're Insane... But It Worked Out So I Guess It's All Good... And also tell me this is not an Arakawa And Ichiban Type Interaction...
Perfect role for Nakai I sweaaar 'cause he gets to be cute And serious And a weirdo And--
Also just fun because I've mentioned how Tsutsumi would want to be a lumberjack if he could switch jobs on a whim like in Y:LAD, but Nakai said he'd want to be a doctor so he could help people more tangibly than he can as an actor... it's like that bit in The Deer King when Van chops wood yk it just makes me smile...
So anyway... first show I'll be subbing myself since I'm very much hooked and the only option right now is to machine-translate subs to English...
ALL OF THAT ASIIIIIDE very very very excited for the Ikumi fic :]]]]]] WHICHEVER COMES FIRST, THAT OR MY NEXT ASK... SEE YOU THEN...
CRYINNGGGG HES PERFECT..... ALSO WEEPING AT THE DR KANZAKI BIT WHY IS HE LITERALLY JUST
ABSOLUTELY EXCITED to see this if you share the subs..... im making grabby hands........
#snap chats#THE TIMING OF /THIS/ ASK IS SO FUNNY TO ME TOO THO BECAUSE THIS MORNING#I WAS LITERALLLLY THINKING OF ARAKAWA TAKIN CARE OF A SICK JO....#not the EXACT same tune here today but we are in the same ballpark..... lmao.. lol even..#my god i was also gon make a post about arakawa and him being silly hold on. nakai being too silly in these roles <- this is a perfect thin#ALSO TRUUEE arakawa would have to help ichi get used to bowing to people 😭😭 punkass kid 😭😭#Doctor With Morals had me thinking of ttm's role in Lone Scalpel but then Added Evil.. woAgh.. i wanna see... 👁️👁️#he's SOOOOOOOO cute tho... i love him... why is he so cute it just aint fair !!#'because nurses have strong feminity'my god yore right hes SO girl#mr nakai thinks hed help people more as a doc and MAYBE TRUE however his roles give me reasons to not jump off a bridge#so ME THINKS he helps weirdos like me at least.... thats something... kinda#giggling and kicking my feet i cant even watch this show but one day ....#and like Fair Nuff queen shit its just funny... lol..#i love how every doctor in japanese media is obsessed with nightingale like deadass this the third time i heard someone ref her#OH BUT SPEAKING OF FICS I SHOULD GO FINISH THAT LMAO im just brushing it up and making 90 amendments as per usu#ngl im not too big of a fan of it.. i mean some bits i like but it overall just feels very corny..#OH WELL. it'd work better as a comic as i keep rereading it but OUGH thatd be a long comic#anyway.. bye LMAO
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last magireco bitching post for tonight i promise but i think all those people who complain that sayaka and homura are abusive and horrible and unreasonable for the crime of being manipulated and traumatized 14 year olds in awful situations and arent perfect little victims about it should go watch magireco and have their brains implode bc i think yachiyo is like. so much worse
#like yachiyo is actually an adult first of all they say shes in college and has been working for seven years#and i wont deny shes been through shit. shes felt guilty for her wish and watched her friends die#shes still a sympathetic character where u get why shes cold. but GOD the way she treats mifuyu makes me uncomfortable#like she regrets the worst of it when her doppel shows up but the narrative and mifuyu still go#''oh no yachiyo you ARE right to say that tee hee''#yachiyo gives me the vibe of someone who's like ''well IM suffering because of my choices. so should YOU''#also how she gets pissed at mifuyu for getting taken into a cult when shes at her lowest#and again keeps calling her weak like. good lord leave her alone#like. at least sayaka has a clear reason for acting the way she does and we see that in the show#shes guilty and traumatized from mami's death and is selfless to a fault#she blames homura for mami's death because of her own prejudices that have been instilled in her by then#she basically self sabotages and hurts herself because she thinks shes worthless compared to mami#she lost her childhood friend who. tbh really WASNT treating her well like obv he doesnt owe her a romance#but hes her childhood friend and he basically constantly brushes her off in the show#and we see more of that in rebellion where he does the same to hitomi#like. sayaka fucks up she gets cruel but you GET why she does it and it feels earned and good for the plot#yachiyo though. part of this is just character bloat and the weird pacing but her nastiness doesnt feel earned#yes season 2 shows that she wants to distance herself from others because her friends died. thats fair#that explains why she was cold in season 1. sure. thats fine that works as an arc and i usually love arcs like this#but then she's cruel to the lower grunts who were absolutely manipulated into the magias#and constantly implies theyre weak#and berates mifuyu (her best friend apparently) for breaking down after learning the truth#because ''oh well we DID accept this. we were idiots after all. lmao get over it and fight again''#and mifuyu is evil incarnate that must repent forever for. getting dragged into a cult at her lowest moment#after her friend was a dick to her fresh off her trauma. and of course leaving her which gave her Abandonment Issues#god sorry maybe the rest of the show will save it for me maybe itll call out this behavior from her#also it bugs me how even her cold behavior isnt really mentioned and shes just fawned over by the rest of the cast#like. sayaka and homura's behavior was called out as unhealthy and bad for them and the others!#echoed voice
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just a little personal anecdote/ thought dump in the tags..
#so there's this girl i work with - lets call her E. and i used fo work with her mum - lets call her J.#and E is overall v sweet. tho somewhat manipulative and a bit of a princess. ad i guess kind of my friend?#but only kind of bc she is younger and that maturity difference and also im her manager (we used to be the same rank)#but i was like really good friends with her mum - J. like we had v similar experiences and just clicked.#i dont talk to J anymore for several reasons (she stopped working. i got weird - like insecure and whatnot. she moved away).#and E and J do not get along very well#and like J was my friend first right. i was biased by her side of things and disagreements with E.#and tho my rship w J was kind of fucked up and i definitely carry a sadness for how that ended. it doesn't erase#that she was my friend and we got long v well and we clicked and i felt she understood me and vice versa#and similar life experiences and all that jazz etc#and i dont think it ever has occured to E that like me and her mum were actually friends??#bc like we'll be having a conversation and she'll start talking about her mum in a v negative way#and its just so so awkward#bc i know her mum isnt perfect and isnt necessarily fair to her - compared to her sister#but like E is very strong willed and she's still maturing and struggles to see past her own ego#and J is someone who definitely avoids conflict and confrontation but not by giving in - but by stepping back. if that makes sense#but thats why E and J dont get along. neither knows how to reach agreement or compromise#but anyways i understand J and respect her and it so awkward to sit there whilst E whines and trash talks#and it also makes me sad#and we're well past the pointof me saying anything#like a year ago. sure. and there were several times i did say 'hey. i know youre having feelings about this but like ur mum was my friend?#so i think its better if we dont discuss this' kind of thing#but it didnt stick. plus its kind of weird. bc its v much past tense now - like me and J WERE friends.#and like i think E thinks that she and I are good friends. which is also awkward.#bc we were coworkers so yeh. kind of friends by default - small team and o ly young ppl#but she's not rly the kind of person that i vibe with#and ive been making an effort to withdraw bc I'm her manager now and i need professional boundaries so i can do my job well#anyway thats kind of the end of my story#for some context J was previously my manager and briefly also her daughter's manager#and something ive never admitted fo anyone before but you probably picked up on already - i did have such a crush on J
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ive been back at college for 5 days now and we are at the point where i unfortunately am going to be a huge bitch to everyone as i no longer have the ability to mask due to exhaustion
#half of it isnt even going to be me being a bitch its just gonna be me being autistic#and theyre all gonna call me a bitch for it#they do that anyway though so ig its not much of a change#and then the other half of it is going to be me not putting up with people who i simply have no time or energy for#like if i dont like someone i am just gonna have to tell them so we’re all on the same page#bc doing this whole ‘civility’ and pretending and masking and everything.#I CANT DO IT BROOOOOOOOO#i literally dont wanna do anything. ever. i have group and college and tutoring and its just like.#MAYBE I DONT FUCKING WANT TO.#i think maybe we all moved on too fast from the killing myself plan.#i feel like not everyone gave it a fair go and i think its time we reconsider.#like idk just bc i can do something doesnt mean i want to or that i should idk thats just MY opinion abt MY life#which apparently holds very little weight for some reason.
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feeling a little prideful towards my community today
if youre an asexual who has a high libido, is a sex worker, likes the feeling but doesn’t experience the attraction, has a partner that likes it and they indulge in it because it means a lot to the person that they love, or even just still has sex for whatever reason it means to you, i hope you feel seen and acknowledged.
its not fair that we make posts joking about things like people kissing people that aren’t with the attraction group of their orientation or “$20 is $20” or cheer on straight actors playing gay characters but we cant be normal about asexual people not following the strict rules the rest of the queer community often puts on them because then they “might not be ace.” thats not fair. i know theres been a lot of awareness of this in the lgbt community the past couple years but its still something i only hear in certain circles, i dont hear it talked about by the majority of the community.
im an asexual person who just cant do sex, it feels uncomfortable and violating to me and i guess that makes me fit the narrative of the stereotypical asexual person, but this should not be the standard for all ace people.
the same goes for aromantic people. heres to the aro people who despite not feeling attraction, might care about someone romantically attracted to them so much that they would be comfortable saying theyre in a relationship. heres to the aromantic polycules. to the aromantic people who kiss and cuddle. to the aromantic people in queerplatonic relationships, which might break so many rules on what defined relationships archetypes are generally accepted.
you exist, i see you, and i hope the rest of the community sees you too. happy pride to the aces and the aros
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jolene
james potter x reader
this is not a good fic for james.. (love him tho) and my remus bias is SHOWING. i love lily. no lily hate.
jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene i'm begging of you please don't take my man jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene please don't take him just because you can
a small part of you knew that, although you were the one dating james potter, lily evans still held a place in his heart. i mean it was sad right? someone you were in love with, someone you were dating, was in love with someone else. but for some reason you had grown accustomed to it, was this stupid of you? yes, maybe. but you didn't want to lose james, as both a boyfriend and a friend. so it felt like a logical thing.
you knew lily evans didn't like james either, not even as a friend. she hated the boy. you thought back to the gossip you had had with her, marlene and dorcas when they found out you were dating him.
"merlin y/n, james?" lily had whispered-shouted the very night she found out that you were dating him.
"hey.. he's not that bad." you chuckle.
"that's not gonna convince her, it's a well known fact lils hates james." marlene laughs.
"that's true." you respond.
"and i thought you liked remus anyway." lily teases.
"that was in like 3rd year, i've been over that ages." you feel your face heat. sure you had liked moony once, but you had liked james for a while now.
"he's better than james though, seriously you can do better y/n." lily tells you.
you giggle, but then see dorcas with a confused look on her face.
"you alright dorcas?" marlene raises an eyebrow.
"yeah i just.. i have a question." dorcas speaks up.
you nod at her to speak.
"when did james get over lily? i'm not saying he doesn't like you of course y/n, but up until the other week, he was obsessed with her." dorcas thinks aloud, in all fairness, asking the question on everyones lips.
you sigh.
"i asked him that, he told me he was trying to deflect the fact that he really liked me, and he was too nervous to flirt with me so flirted with lily instead to hide his true feelings." you mutter, now realising that james' reasoning was.. maybe not the best.
"aww thats cute y/n.." marlene sees the look on your face and tries to comfort you.
"yeah." you smile, weakly.
"and don't worry y/n, i would never go anywhere near potter. and i think he does like you and not me." lily reassures you.
noticing your discomfort, the girls changed the subject, but you couldn't nudge the feeling of doubt in your chest. now that you thought about it, james' reasoning felt a bit.. excuse like? but no, he asked you out, not lily. so he must like you?! relationships were complicating; you guessed you'd have to wait to see how things played out.
your beauty is beyond compare with flaming locks of auburn hair with ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
"hello gorgeous." james grins at you cheekily, planting a kiss on your cheek as you take a seat next to him at the gryffindor table.
"guys do we really need to be doing this at eight o'clock in the morning." sirius fake gags. you stick your tongue out at him in response, causing him to laugh.
"just cos you're lonely padfoot." james chuckles.
sirius playfully rolls his eyes at him, and you see remus looking at you from the other side of the table. you smile at him which he returns but looks away quickly, feeling like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.
james wraps an arm around your waist, and starts telling you whatever new prank him and sirius were planning on snape.
"and then we were planning to turn his hair green." he smiles at you.
"poor snape." you tease.
"what? you planning on leaving me for snivellus?" james raises an eyebrow, playfully.
"of course." you respond chuckling.
your playful banter was interrupted by lily approaching you, carrying your transfiguration book. of course, you invited her to sit with yourself and the marauders but she didn't like to be near james for long periods of time.
"y/n, you left this in our dorm this morning." she smiles at you and hands you the book.
you smile back. she looked extra pretty today, her green eyes sparkling, her auburn hair shiny. it made you feel a little self-conscious.
"thanks lils, what would i do without you?" you laugh.
"you wouldn't be able to cope, that's for sure." lily smiles at you, giving you a wave, heading back to her own seaat.
"thank godric for that, mcgonagall would've been fuming-" you turn back to james, your words faltering seeing his face.
his face was bright red and he looked distracted as he gazed off into the distance. you followed his gaze to see what was wrong with him. then you realised. james was looking at lily. and he had a stupid goofy smile on his face. what a prick! he was YOUR boyfriend.
"james, are you okay?" you snap him out of his daze.
"yeah yeah, perfectly fine love." he turns back to you, his blush fading.
then it was as if everything was back to normal. sirius, james and peter engaging back into their normal conversation. you were quieter however. remus remained quiet as well, noticing the dejected look on your face. he gave you a comforting smile across the table and you gave him a weak one in return.
at that moment, you wished nothing more to be lily evans.
your smile is like a breath of spring your voice is soft like summer rain and i cannot compete with you jolene.
"i don't want to feel like a second choice to you james! i love you." you sighed. this was yours and james's first argument. and you HATED it.
"i love you too y/n, of course you're not my second choice!" james tries to comfort you.
"i just feel like you're just settling for me because lily doesn't like you!" you admitted.
"well that's not true y/n, i told you.. i was using lily to coverup my feelings for you." james lets out a exasperated sigh.
"sometimes it doesn't feel that way james, i don't want to be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her (iykyk)" you rub your forehead with your hand.
"y/n.." james puts his arm around you. "it's you i'm dating.. not evans. don't be jealous!"
you scoff. "of course i'm jealous, she's beautiful and you were obsessed with her long before dating me."
"and i'm not anymore. just drop it y/n. i love you not her." james frowns.
you sigh and cave in.
"i don't like arguing with you james." you say, as you rest your head on his shoulder.
"i don't like arguing with you either y/n" he sighs, and pulls you closer.
you couldn't stop thinking about lily though. you were friends with her, and she would never intentionally hurt you. you knew deep down james still liked her, feelings don't go away that easy.
he talks about you in his sleep and there's nothing i can do to keep from crying when he calls your name jolene
gryffindor house were infamous for throwing the best parties. and tonight was living proof. gryffindor had just won a quidditch match against slytherin which of course meant a big celebration. and of course, your boyfriend and captain of the team james potter was the main centre of attention.
"he's nuts." you shake your head at sirius, when you see james dancing and obnoxiously singing to dancing queen by abba in the middle of the common room.
"he's bloody brilliant." sirius takes a sip of firewhiskey, chuckling.
the man in question headed towards you.
"y/n, would you care to join me." he jokingly bows down, holding his hand out for you to take.
"indeed i would." you giggle and take his hand.
he pulls you to the middle of the common room, twirling you around/ you laugh and join in singing and dancing. you could tell he was a little drunk but you didn't mind.
as the party went on, you had somehow lost contact with james. he was a social butterfly of course, probably talking to his friends. you yourself were stood with marlene, dorcas and lily, sipping your drinks, giggling at the antics of some of your housemates.
the party eventually thinned out, at about 3 in the morning, when mcgonagall told them to quiet down. eventually it was just you and as you looked towards the jukebox (which was playing jolene by dolly parton) remus carrying a half unconscious james.
you walked up to the two.
"he's drunk too much." remus chuckles.
"unsurprising, i'm sure he had already had about 4 firewhiskeys in the first hours." you smile affectionately at james.
remus notices your smile, and smiles wider.
"you don't usually come to parties, do you remus?" your question catches remus off guard.
"n-no i don't. just wanted to support my friends." he responds, knowing that was probably a good answer judging by the smile on your face.
you turn back to look at james.
"let's get you to bed ay?" you say, trying to wake him.
"l-lily?" james whispers, seemingly in his sleep.
your heart dropped. of course he was dreaming about lily.
"i'm not lily." you grit your teeth. "would you rather have her take care of you?"
remus sees your face and is quick to comfort you.
"don't worry y/n, he's drunk, he probably doesn't know any better." he says.
you nod and sit down on one of the armchairs.
how could you ever compete with lily evans?
#james potter x reader#james potter x you#james potter x y/n#harry potter x reader#angst#x reader#fanfic#remus lupin#sirius black#lily evans#marlene mckinnon#dorcas meadowes#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders x reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n
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who else up straigh up loosing all the time !!!
#hey guyss someone i kinda hate got to do smth i kinda wnat to more than anything long before ill ever get to so im feeling a bit murdrous#a teeny tiny bit towards that person i kinda hate but thats not fair of me#a huge amount towards the people who are the reason i cant and that *is* fair of me#mostly towards the consept of the universe and the world in general tho. yk.#what a fucking joke that aroundt his time last year my dad told me “when have you ever had to wait for anything?”#bc i didnt feel like giving my sister the switch after she threw a temper tantrum and started breaking my shit#like !! fucking always dickhead !!! and you and your strict ass parenting bc are 90% of why !!#i never get to do ANYTHING the same time that others around me get to . i always have to wait if i get to at all and im sorry for#sounding like a brat but its not fucking fair . whatever#im going to go look to see if i can find the tubes of my old oil paints i couldnt a while back#and if i dont im going to kill someone with my mind#flappy rambles
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sorry this is referencing a few month old post/s you made about the dream situation and a question you’d asked about dream stans, you can delete this msg if you want since it’s not as relevant anymore. Again I’m sorry if this is weird or you don’t gaf (that’s fair bc who does lol)
TW for grooming and dream being fucking gross. You can just scroll fast and delete if you don’t want to read or deal with this, I understand that
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To preface Im about Tommy’s age now, when I was 15-17, used to be a huge dream stan, and I was very vocal about defending him online. —I was extremely parasocial and weird, and looking back on it I really regret how I acted.
So. Idk how much people who weren’t stans of his saw, but dream- as stupid as it sounds- was our friend.
He had bath calls with us, sleep calls with us, he told us in depth about his personal life and his health issues and his trauma and his moods and his habits and just basically everything. Most of his interactions with us was through his discord, and then someone in the fandom would stream his discord calls for people who weren’t there. A running joke was that dream had a parasocial relationship with us. there was absolutely no gap between creator and fan, he followed me more than once, he brought fans onto his discord streams and talked with them and he knew a good amount of us by name. He called us cute and talked about how much we all (as individuals) meant to him,
when drama happened he’d usually either do a space/call or go on his private and vent to us, there were I think two separate times he’d have full panic attacks over drama happening, and we’d have to talk him down. He also would, when responding to callouts or accusations, use arguments that his fans were making.
He did this during almost all his pitfalls, including the grooming allegations, his wording was often taken word for word from tweets by people I was friends with. I dropped him after the initial allegations, but for a while after i still checked in bc i was really hoping he’d be innocent (he wasn’t) and i can confirm he still does this. He also regularly dmed his fans, mostly his black fans, to ask for “help” on being less racist.
I don’t use the word “grooming” lightly, but dream was and is absolutely grooming his audience. Thats why dream stans seem so cult-like these days. The amount of guiltripping, lying, forcing an us vs them mentality, and manipulation I saw this man pull was actually sick. He’d frequently, privately, to us, vent about tommy or quackity, and about how “all his friends hated him” and “we were all he had left” (legit, not joking). He is extremely good at emotional blackmail, he is good at making his fans hate other creators and turn on them, he is very good at utilizing his tears and using wording that he knows will make his mostly teenage fanbase think he’s a good kind person.
He wants to impress on his fans that he really was just a kind person, the only kind person and the only voice of reason. That’s why when the Cantu thing happened, he started posting “messages” of him being so kind to the Uber driver. He needs his fans to think he’s a kind and loving person, and that Tommy and quackity and literally everyone who’s pulled away from him was just a fake friend who couldn’t be trusted. He somehow was always, always the one being fucked over.
I remember when I told my friend about dream (this friend had a completely neutral opinion on him and barely knew the guy beyond his manhunts) and he told me that sounded like grooming.
He gradually isolated his (primarily young, female) fanbase using private accounts, discord calls, Snapchat, and whatever else. He got extremely personal with us far beyond the level any creator should be, he used kindness and flattery (like calling us “mature”. Also legit) to make us feel genuinely loved by him, again, NOT in the way a creator loves their fans. In the way a friend loves their friends, even in the way a partner loves their partner. He lashed out at us and had panic attacks when we did criticize him, he used tactics to make us think he was always right and good, and more than that, make all his detractors seem like terrible people out to get him AND us, he played himself out to be the perpetual victim and used carefully cut clips and emotional manipulation (like how he brought up his ~poor innocent family~ when harassing quackity. Weaponizing trauma like that was something he did ALL THE TIME to us whenever he was criticized.) in order to use us against people he didn’t like, making us take the bullet for him.
He uses his kindness and supposed goodness as a weapon, he used Tommy’s own trauma around doxxing against him when Tommy dared to criticize him (“I supported you when you were getting doxxed, yet you won’t do the same for me?”)
He used trauma to relate to his audience, making us feel like he was the only person who got it.
It’ll sound stupid, but it was genuinely really scarring. The way he made me and my friends feel was so confusing. I often found myself feeling used and violated, but also like I was in debt to him. I dreaded when he’d have fans on call, I dreaded him but also he felt like all I had. The tone of him and the fandom was that “we have to defend him at all costs, they’re out to get him and we’re the last line of support he has”. It was embarrassing, it was stressful, it was horrible. I wasted so much fucking time and energy on him.
it was really traumatic and distressing, especially as a teenager who’d already been at a vulnerable point and used him as an escape originally. I know that sounds melodramatic but I mean it.
He is a groomer through and through. He’s barely getting any new fans, but he’s barely losing any either bc the grasp he has on them is so tight.
Worst of all, if you leave the fandom, you’ll lose your friends and become an enemy. He encourages that behaviour and that mentality. He encourages harassment of his ex-friends, he encourages harassment of anyone who doesn’t like him. He wants you to feel like he’s the only good person, and like he’s the only one who will care about you. And I know at least in my experience that the way I acted when I was a fan of his did genuinely cause me to feel alienated in my social life. I lost friends, I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone “safely”. That’s how he wants his fans to feel, because at some point he really is all you have.
And that’s why dream stans are still sticking around. It’s at the point where the only way they’ll leave is on their own volition, and the more publicly fucked shit he does, the less hope I have that they’ll do that.
i don’t have much to add but i agree, and several people i know who used to be big dream fans also agreed that there was a heavily insidious ‘us vs them’ atmosphere
#alex.rambles.txt#alex.asks.txt#sorry you went through that btw it sounds really shit#i think a lot of (especially younger) dream stans are in similar positions sometimes#ofc some of tjem are just normal people who just Don’t care about the reprehensible shit#but i think for a lot of people its escapism just like the rest of this community. and the entresoi aspect makes it even more alienating#mcyt#discourse#tw grooming#dream situation
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