#like i feel ashamed of myself but i still do it

[comikbook]

Idk if this is a question that you expect to receive so forgive me but how do you manage to come to terms with your experience with schizophrenia? I show many schizophrenia/schizotypal symptoms and im very ashamed. I try to channel it into my writing (as you seem to do with your art) and most if what i experience is related to religious trauma. Do you have any advice on how to come to terms with it or begin to accept yourself? Especially as a queer person, I fear that because of my symptoms its so much easier to deny me

honestly ? im only open with it online and with friends, when it comes to family i am very secretive about it. both times ive tried to explain my situation to them it has been less than productive. none of them know about it in depth and i do not like bringing it up around my family.

i have a lot of insecurities about my disorder believe it or not, and me being open about it online is my way of trying to make myself less ashamed. i feel crazy, i feel dramatic, i feel isolated and insecure. My way ive tried to combat that is by expressing how i feel thru my art, being open about it that way without having to delve into the specifics of my experiences with words if i dont want to.

support ive gotten from doing so had been insanely helpful to me, support in general from friends and the nice things people send me help a lot.

but i do still struggle a lot internally. im a big fake it till you make it kind of person. I kind of just pretend until i start to believe that maybe its okay i am the way i am

[uncanny-tranny]

Hey, gentle recognition for the people who are taking care of themselves in "not aesthetically-pleasing" ways. To the people who have to do things they don't want to because they know they would suffer more if they didn't, to the people who have to brush their teeth with their fingers, to the people who have to use washcloths to bathe, to the people who need to punch pillows or scream into them to express their intense emotions, to anybody ashamed about the way they need to live and take care of themselves.

You are doing the very best you can with the hand you've been dealt. It's not easy, it's not pretty, but it sure as fuck takes so much to do these things. You are doing what is best for yourself, and I, for one, think you deserve to be proud of that. Self-care isn't easy. It isn't pretty, often, but it's something you shouldn't be ashamed of or hide away because it's deemed "grotesque" or "not really self-care (because self-care is pretty and non-threatening to 'normal peoples' senses)"

[rapidhighway]

avoidance is my fucking doom man, i know i should go to class but i fucking cant get myself to

[museenkuss]

There is something to be said about how isolating having issues relating certain things is. Weight or body image, age, beauty or ugliness, all of these highly sensitive, subjective things. They'll eat at you and you will have to fight SO hard to accept yourself (and those issues - accepting having them is hard in itself), but once you reach out, people will get sick of you very quickly, or will start taking everything you say and projecting it onto themselves, in turn being mad at you for having issues. It's so bonkers.

And I'm not sure what you could do about that, frankly. Because of course, if you struggle with something, someone else talking about their issues with it will hurt you. And also, you (the person who wants to reach out) has to be aware that you might inject your issues into the other person. But what is the solution? Never talking about it, ever, ever, ever.

[whenthegoldrays]

*

[rainintheevening]

How do you build new plans for your life without giving up on the old dreams?

[exeunknown]

Never let me cook again.

[irritablepoe]

You know what's fucking stupid? The little mean voice inside my head that tells me being in a fandom is childish and "aren't you too old for that" and "aren't you feeling ridiculous caring (and projecting) so much for/onto fictional characters" bc literally no MUM, I'm in fact just doing what I love and it's cruel that I feel ridiculous to this day that I'm building up my personality through fictional characters bc I never knew who I really was and fandoms are giving me the opportunity to explore that. Yes ofc that's not "normal" or whatever but is it really that bad? Like I'm feeling better through that, it's giving me motivation to do things. So yeah... Thanks.. another reason I have to unlearn shame I suppose.

[enden-k]

May I ask if Kaveh is in the Ratiotham uni au or he's nonexistent in this timeline 👀👀👀

I was blind to the potential in Ratiotham at first tbh but I'm a hardcore believer now 🙏🙏🙏 also I'm sorry if this has been asked before!

i was thinking about having him around but i fear that some ppl want me to have him involved or more active even tho hes not the focus or romantically involved w hthm in this so yea. bc of the fear of some ppl being annoying and having all asks revolve around kaveh again, im unsure yet if i even want him to play a role and consider have him just get mentioned when hthm is napping bc of him being too noisy in the nights

[sleebyconfy]

..

[gamblegun]

Anyone have any advice for feeling ugly on early days of T?

Edit: I am about 15 months in

[viina-art]

I was officially diagnosed with autism a few years ago, and since then like every couple years I realize anew that damn it looks like I'm more disabled than I thought. Likely the only reason why I ever thought I was low support needs is because I was lucky enough to be born into a family that already gives me most of the support I do need, and even then I've been depressed (and likely burnt out) for years.

[palms-upturned]

Sorry for being late today coming online, a lot has happened and I am trying to think about the best way to organize this blog going forward. For now though I will try to get the list updated quickly and read through my messages/@'s

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[monachopism]

being jewish with zero affiliation to israel and rather a generational line of activists for palestine is a hard line to walk and sometimes i wish i could just fall off

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and [checks notes] the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd