#like i don’t know why you couldn’t just share your opinion without attacking me as a person? whatever!

[tricoufamily]

u don't have to answer this bc i think u just deleted it but who tf is vaguing you... you're a fantastic artist making beautiful beautiful pieces of art and i am constantly in awe of the things you're creating. i barely play the sims anymore let alone participate in the community at all but i have you on notifs forever and ever bc of your storytelling and skill. i am genuinely shocked to see someone talking shit bc i don't even knwo what it wld be about. anyway i keep coming back to look at ur recent edit and it's so tender and evokes such a comforting quiet feeling. anyway. u can ignore me or delete this like i said i just want u to know u've got ppl out in the crowd rooting for u byeee

imagine me crying…..

thank you so much, genuinely. i don’t even know how to accept this properly to show my level of appreciation. this means so much to me.

just gotta remind myself i am a real artist and writer and no one can take it from me. i have talent!!! suck it!!!

[paimonial-rage]

talks of the past - zhongli

ship: zhongli x reader

synopsis: in which the wangsheng funeral parlor’s consultant tries to restore your faith in rex lapis

notes: 1.7k words, chapter 7 of bookkeeping!verse; with ties to various chapters in the series

It was yet another day you found yourself traveling with Zhongli to Qingce Village. Objectively speaking, it was a beautiful morning. The sun was high in the sky without a cloud in sight, the birds were chirping, and the temperature was nice. Really, there shouldn’t have been anything there to get you down. And yet…

There you were walking with your head down and a faraway look in your eyes. Had you been more aware, you would’ve noticed your companion speaking a few times. You would’ve seen the concerned look in his eyes as he peered down at you. But you were lost in your thoughts, uncharacteristically troubled and insecure.

If you had noticed, you would’ve felt a bit of pity for your companion. It was not often that you were seen in such a depressed state. Really, despite your temperament, you were generally alert and sociable. He often enjoyed the banter that would come about between you two. Truly, you were a dear friend to him. That being said, it wasn’t often you shared your concerns with him. He wasn’t sure if you even would if asked.

He cleared his throat.

“First, is… there anything that’s bothering you?”

It took a few moments for you to respond, almost prompting him to ask again before you let out a long sigh.

“Zhongli,” you began, looking up to him imploringly, “Can I talk to you about something?”

He couldn’t deny the slight start of his heart that came with your question. You’ve brought up your concerns to him before, but those were often accompanied with glares and opinions regarding his financial decisions. This time, however, exhaustion was evident in your voice with dark bags under your eyes. He could not recall doing anything that’d result in your loss of sleep.

“Sure,” he began, careful to keep his wariness absent.

“It’s not a big deal,” you began in a way that implied the opposite. “I’m sure you know how much I revere Rex Lapis. Even though he passed, I still greatly respect the legacy he left behind.”

“Yes,” he replied with a nod. “You’ve mentioned this to me a few times in the past.”

A bit too many, he would add. And with your way with words, it never exactly was… pleasant. At the very least, he was relieved your lack of sleep wasn’t with anything he did as Zhongli.

“It’s just… Lately, I’ve been talking to Madam Ping in my free time, and… I feel like my faith is beginning to be shaken…”

He frowned.

“‘Shaken?’ In what way?”

“I…” You bit your lip as tears welled in your eyes. “Don’t hate me for saying this, but I…”

You hesitated.

“I’m beginning to think he was actually a complete weirdo.”

A… A weirdo?

He cleared his throat, feeling if not just a little attacked.

“In what way?”

You sighed, glancing away with your guilt-ridden eyes.

“In… in every way.”

‘Every way?’

“For instance, take into account Mora…”

Of course, it had to do with Mora.

“Well, I once heard a story that Rex Lapis created the first home out of Mora. I always thought it was metaphorical or just a silly children’s tale, but… Madame Ping confirmed it to be true. When I asked her why he chose Mora, she said it simply was because it was available. He didn’t have any deeper meaning to it.”

He frowned. Ignoring the sense of déjà vu he felt regarding this specific topic, he didn’t see any problem with his actions.

“Yes, it only makes sense. To the God of Wealth and Commerce, what material is easier to get than Mora?”

“Exactly!” You exclaimed suddenly, nearly causing him to flinch. “Only a simple-minded man would come up with such a simple-minded conclusion.”

“S-Simple-minded…”

You nodded.

“Just because he had all the access in the world to Mora didn’t mean the common folk did. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to make the first model home out of materials available to everyone?”

He coughed.

“Perhaps.”

You sniffled.

“It’d be fine if that was the only thing, but Shitou from the Jade Mystery told me that once Rex Lapis stopped by his family’s shop in the past and purchased a spoon made of fine Noctilucus Jade to sample the culinary delights of Liyue Harbor.” You buried your face in your hands. “Why would he spend that much Mora just for a simple spoon?”

“W-Well…”

“I know, I know. As the God of Wealth and Commerce, he had easy access to Mora. And I’m sure it made him happy to contribute to the wealth of Liyue Harbor’s commonfolk, but for someone who spent so much time around his people, it’s like he had no concept of his own creation’s worth! It’s shamelessly extravagant! I didn’t think he was such a wasteful person…”

In the back of his mind, Zhongli had the urge to disagree, to stand up for the good name of Rex Lapis. Really, he wasn’t so shameless as you made him out to be, at least he didn’t think he was. But before he could respond, you continued.

“That’s not all though…” you started again.

Oh no.

“A while ago, I told Meng and the Ferrylady that Rex Lapis wasn’t a self-absorbed narcissist, but…”

Oh no…

“I was talking to Sir Yun the other day of the Yun-Han Opera Troupe? I always knew that Rex Lapis enjoyed the troupe’s shows, but did you know he starred in a few of them? As a warrior, she said. And as you know, Rex Lapis is known as the Warrior God. So that means he basically played himself in operas singing songs about… himself. Can you imagine doing that? How…”

Tears came to your eyes.

“Cringe.”

He resisted the urge to clear his throat.

“Though records say he may have taken part in those operas, I can’t recall Miss Yun stating he starred as himself,” he began. “The assumption he did so is mere conjecture at best.”

That last part slipped from his tongue before he could rein it back in. You never took kindly when his opinions differed from yours, and yet… Well, perhaps he was feeling if not a little attacked. The Yun-Han Opera Troupe had a long history, after all. They certainly would not be more the wiser if some tales became embellished over the years. He thought out of all people you would be more aware of that than most.

Thankfully, much to his relief, you were. Instead of taking to anger like you usually did, you nodded obediently.

“That’s true. I hope you’re right,” you replied with a hopeful smile. “Madame Ping said that not even the great Cloud Retainer watches operas about herself. It’s too embarrassing.”

He did clear his throat that time.

“I suppose not everyone enjoys hearing tales of their past,” he finally let out.

You nodded.

“I’m glad at least she agrees with me that only weird and abnormal people do things like that,” you let out with a bit of relief. “I was getting worried I’m the only person that feels that way…”

He only smiled in response, ignoring the fact that Cloud Retainer only said that it was “embarrassing,” not “weird” or “abnormal.” You really did not hesitate to deal your blows, did you?

“You know what the worst thing is, though?” You asked, looking up at him imploringly. “Legend has it that the gods are able to change their physical forms. There are even tales of Rex Lapis taking a female form. But… out of all the records, there are no depictions of his female form, only that she had amber eyes.”

Zhongli frowned in thought. Though he heard and understood your words well, he didn’t know what was the wrong in what you said. The tales of Rex Lapis were often embellished, especially in the way they painted him as the type to change his form often. The truth of the matter was far from that. Not that he could tell you that, of course. But before he could respond in any way, your eyes became filled with tears.

“I mean, he obviously didn’t mind leaving evidence of his male visage. And as I told you before, he made sure he looked good in every one of them. So if he was narcissistic enough to do that, why not leave anything behind of his female form? You… You don’t think… she was UGLY, do you?” You cried in pain.

If his brain didn’t shut down before, it definitely did then. But not noticing, you continued on.

“That’s the only reason I can come up with. Rex Lapis shares his beauty with everyone, after all, so she must have been so ugly that a narcissist like him couldn’t bear for others to see!” You sobbed.

Every word that left your mouth felt like a blow to his ego. Was this truly what you thought about him?

“So do you see why my faith has been shaken? If we try to view him as a person, Rex Lapis was a simple-minded conceited weirdo that was so ashamed of his female form he wiped any and all traces of her depiction out of existence.”

He couldn’t do this anymore.

“While the tales of the past may be rooted in truth, it’s important to realize they are only that. Tales. Nothing more. As it is, we simply do not know how much we can take as fact. So I would not let it bother you too much, First,” he stated in a matter-of-fact manner.

Though you looked as if you had more to say, you slowly nodded once, then once again with more surety.

“You’re right. I guess I’m looking far too into this. Surely if the great Rex Lapis was revered by so many, even the adepti, he must have been worthy of the respect. I just need to remember that,” you replied bashfully. “I’m sorry to have piled this all on you, Zhongli.”

He shook his head with a chuckle.

“It is alright. I am glad to be your voice of reason.”

Laughing in return, you nodded.

“Yes, thank you. And well, I guess it could be worse, I suppose. Madame Ping was always respectful to Rex Lapis in her stories. She could’ve said that he was the kind of person with… I don’t know. No common sense or something. Like could you imagine if he was the type of person that thought it was a smart idea to bring square cups instead of circle to a party?” You asked with a laugh. “Now that would be horrifying.”

……

Yes, you certainly had a way with words.

[xotaemintol]

JONGHYUN AS: YOUR BOYFRIEND (FLUFF HC)

*QUICK DISCLAIMER: This is completely based off of just my own personal opinion, if you feel that it’s inaccurate then feel free to give your own and I’ll be happy to take them, I’m always open to constructive criticism and feedback, but I do hope that you enjoy and feel that i hit the nail on the head with at least one of these lol*

Pronouns use: they/them once, but other than that, NONE! :)

SFW FLUFFY FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF, it was originally just comfort for myself, but I was like “Why not share it? Maybe others will like it too”

*He loves songs that remind you of each other

-when you play your favorite songs they become his favorites too, there are some songs that you play that at first he doesn’t like, but after a while he begins to love them and if it plays on the radio then instead of skipping it, he’ll listen to the whole thing and think of you

-is the type to cry when listening to a song that reminds him of you when he's been away too long (or just in general because he loves you so much)

-made a playlist of songs for you to listen to when he's away, and one for himself to listen to too

-once Minho walked in on him crying to a song and just quietly walked away so he didn't feel embarrassed...the song was 'We Found Love by Rihanna

-it played on the radio in the car and he teared up and asked them to change the song, they were all singing the song but he couldn't stop thinking about you because he missed you so much

-"Y/N likes this song..." "you know, when I met Y/N, this song was playing."

-he’ll listen to them when he’s away to fall asleep and write about how he misses you and can’t wait to see you

*Loves taking pictures of and with you

-he has an album with over 500 pictures of the two of you together and one with over 600 of you

-for your anniversary he included a scapbook of the two of you that was 20 pages long with adorable notes beside all of them, on the back of every page he wrote poems, notes, and quotes to express or just explain his love for you

-his Home Screen is you and when he's asked to explain it he says "It makes me happy to see y/n’s face when I open my phone, y/n kind of like a good luck charm too"

-he swears that pictures of you are beautiful but they could never capture your true beauty because you are just too beautiful, that doesn’t stop him from taking pictures of you at every given moment though

-brags about you all the time and shows pictures of you to whoever he's talking to including you (it's almost like a cat owner showing off their cat)

-"And look at y/n here, isn't y/n so cute? This is y/n sleeping, oh and this is when we went to the movies." "Y/N, look, you remember when you fell asleep in the car."

*Is super sentimental in general

-Jonghyun likes to keep small things from every anniversary, from tickets to flowers and wrappers, he keeps whatever he can

-he saw a hack on TikTok on how to keep flowers forever and now he keeps at least one flower from every anniversary and puts them together in one bouquet

-movies that you watched together before dating are his favorite, to him, it's special because it's what pushes the two of you to date

-certain foods remind him of you too, snacks and drinks, he remembers all of your favorites and all of your least favorites, he'll see someone drinking something you hate and go “Y/N hates that. “Y/N thinks it's gross,"  "Y/N loves that flavor, it’s their favorite."

*There isn’t one show or anime you can watch alone because he saw you watching it once and got interested so now it’s on the list of shows you have to watch with him

-He caught you watching AOT (attack on titan) without him and said that you were betraying him

-Once he walked in while you were watching a movie before he was getting ready to record, he watched five minutes of it and decided that you couldn’t finish it without him

-“Are you watching it without me?! How could you?!” “Don’t watch the next episode yet, I want to watch it together when I get back home” “Oh! Our show is on! Y/N! Hurry up!”

*He doesn’t mean to but he’ll fall asleep from the sound of your voice

-When he gets back home and it’s late at night, after a long day when he’s in bed he’ll lay next to you and ask you to tell him about your day and even though he really wants to hear it, he’ll fall asleep

-You were telling him about how you went out with a friend and how you saw a poster of him in a cafa while playing in his hair, you should’ve known from the moment his response went from “Really? Then what happened?” To “Mhm…” that he was falling asleep

-He’ll wake up the next day and apologize for falling asleep while you were talking, but you’re used to it and you find it cute so you never get mad

*Is a very extremely good listener

-He always listens to you with such passion, every time you speak he always makes sure to give you his full attention

-He gives you small responses to show that he’s listening and will become fully immersed in the story you are telling him to the point that he show’s genuine excitement or shock from what you say

-“Oh? Really, but what about…” “What?! Really?!” “Go ahead, I’m listening”

-He’ll stop whatever he’s doing to listen to you, and you do the same for him, putting your phone down and turning it off when he gets home so he can tell you about his day, giving him your full undivided attention, and asking him questions, you listen to him just the same as he does you and you always make sure to ask him about his day, even if he’s only been gone for an hour, you always ask and so does he

*Buys you matching outfits and jewelry

-you went to a souvenir shop once in France, and he saw a cute stand making matching bracelets for married couples, you weren't married at the time, but Jonghyun being so in love with matching with you and showing off how much he loves you, wanted to get them so bad that he told the vender that you were engaged

-bought you a shirt with his face on it as a gag joke but wanted you to like it, you told him that you wouldn't wear it because it was too embarrassing but you surprised him by wearing it to bed every night, once Jinki, Minho, Kibum, and Taemin came over early in the morning and saw you still wearing it and teased you about it

-he convinced you to get secret matching tattoos of your birthdays, you got his, and he got yours, both of you got a tiny little heart above the dates and eventually you convinced him to get another one of your anniversary dates, right under the first with a little heart in between

-"We should get matching rings, oh, or matching necklaces." "Look at what I got!" *shows you a matching Halloween costume of Kagome and Inuyashi

*When he can't sleep, neither can you, he'll be damned if you get to sleep without him

-If he stays up late writing then he'll at first tell you that he's fine and tell you to go to bed, you'll go back and forth with the cliche "Are you sure you want me to go to bed?" And he'll respond, "Yes, I'm sure, go ahead." That'll go on for at least a minute before you "Okay if you say so," and start to walk away and that's when he'll decide that he'd rather you stay up with him (you end up falling asleep on him while he's writing, he thinks it's adorable and eventually, he'll carry you back to the bed and fall asleep with you)

*Hates fighting with you and tries to avoid it at all costs, he'd rather be right and wrong than have you being angry at him

-Once you fought over your heels making you taller than him, you tried to explain that it didn't matter, but Jonghyun refused to add you to the list of people taller than him

-he asked you to at least wear shorter ones but you said no, you both got upset and you decided you weren't going to go and went to undress, but of course, Jonghyun wasn't going to let you just go to bed and be upset, so he apologized and said that it didn't matter

-apologizes with kisses, will smoother you and cling to you until you forgive him

-if you ignore him he'll attach himself to you until you talk to him, you ignored him once before bed and he literally clung to you all night and even in the morning until you finally forgave him

-once he even sat on you and didn't move until you spoke to him

-but when he doesn't apologize first and it's just a small playful argument, he gets so dramatic and loud, the passion he has for winning the argument makes you laugh and almost forget that you were fighting

*when he finally gets to go out with you, he loves dancing with you

-is extremely dramatic when a song you both like comes on and will force you to come to dance with him

-"C'mon baby, it's our song!" You already know when you hear that he wants to dance and won't let up until you do

*when he's hanging out with his members, he always brings you along

-they adore you like a younger sibling (no matter your age), they all view you as a younger sibling in law, Jinki, and Minho spoil you, Kibum constantly takes you shopping and even paid for your hair and nails, Taemin also spoils you and even let you meet Kkoongie and Ddaengie

-they are completely used to the PDA and the very extremely cheesy and dramatic moments you both have

-older brother-in-law Shinee who is ready for you two to get married and basically live inside of each other and boyfriend Jonghyun who constantly tells you that he's going to marry you and never let you go (bc ur trapped lol)

*Is very competitive when it comes to games

-game nights go from adorable to a war zone in 0.1 seconds

-flips the game over and yells that you were cheating the whole time, he once wiped the whole board because you were about to win after making him pay almost all of his money and taking his houses (you left him with five dollars and no property), he swore you were cheating and won't play monopoly with you again

-you played piano tap one time on the way to practice with him before, and suddenly it turned into "who could get the highest score" You were both neck in neck, and when he suddenly got a call he literally screamed and almost threw his phone out the window

-rock paper scissors...need I say more? It's like winning one billion dollars for all of them and he's no different

*Always puts your relationship first, he's all about making time for you before and after tours or trips, he hates the idea of not spending as much time with you as possible before leaving for weeks or months at a time

-will plan dates weeks in advance so they don't overlap with comebacks, it seemed like too much to you and like he'd get tired of basically making a schedule for time to spend with you, but he actually enjoys it

-he once planned two full weeks of dates, movie nights, dinners, breakfasts, and night outs before a comeback, he ended up spending so much money and you made him promise not to do it again because he'd probably max out the company card if he did

*Randomly sends heartfelt messages when he gets super romantic and misses you while he's away

-they have to tell Jonghyun often to get off his phone, in between sets he tries to text but he gets so caught up in missing you that he'll miss the director telling them to get back in place

-sends voice memos when he can't text and isn't afraid to admit that he's talking to you, everyone can accurately guess that he's talking to you if he's texting

-he once sent an hour-long voice memo while he was out because he thought about the day you met again and get all soft and happy (he literally had just left and was only an hour away)

-will randomly text you like "My heart is aching for you, plz send me pictures of u now or I'll lose my mind" is super dramatic when he misses you and will swear it's the end of the world if he doesn't get to see you before he leave

*Is just super in love with you in general, he loves you so much and you love him just as much

-at night you do your skincare routine together, you put each other's face masks on and tie each other's hair back

-you race to the shower and have extremely wholesome and peaceful moments where you'll wash his hair, and he'll get that spot on your back that you can't reach

-you've even waxed his legs before, it was a very funny moment, he said that it wouldn't hurt at all and that it would feel like a pinch but of course, it hurt and he screamed so loud one of the neighbors knocked on the door and asked if everything was okay

*he can't sleep without holding you, it's so bad that he even has a tiny spray bottle of your perfume that he sprays on pillows when he leaves

-he thinks you smell amazing, he actually started washing his hair with the same shampoo as you and he even uses your lotion because it smells so nice and reminds him of you throughout the whole day.

In conclusion, Jonghyun is an amazing boyfriend and will absolutely adore you <3

[gimmethatagustd]

55 taehyung

When I wake up you're not next to me / Guess I'm missing all your energy / That's all I want / Promise I am not your enemy / I just need another memory / That's all I want / 'Cause all I want is you

» pairing: taehyung x reader

» genre: BTS | 18+ | drabble | exes to friends/future lovers | fluff | angst

» wc/date: 1k | December 2022

» warnings: alcohol | taehyung is Gentle and Soft and Everything Good in the World

» masterlist | AO3 | send me ur thots 👅

» notes: this made me so delulu you have no idea 😫 also this was my first time writing in present tense and ngl i kinda like it 👀

“You’re still the love of my life.” 

Candlelight casts dancing shadows across Taehyung’s face. They highlight the sharpness of his jawline and reflect orange sparkles in his dark eyes. You want to believe the sudden cool breeze cutting through an otherwise warm summer night makes you shiver, but you know that would be a lie. No, Taehyung is to blame for your jitters. He always is. It’s the look he gives you as he lifts his wine glass to his mouth, his tongue briefly slipping out to wet his lips before taking in the red liquid. 

How many glasses were you on? 

You press your fingers to your cheeks, knowing your skin isn’t hot because of the wine. 

You were wine drunk the first time you met Taehyung. You tell everyone you don’t remember that night, but it’s only to save yourself from the embarrassment. You were at a house party hosted by someone you genuinely don’t remember anymore. Although most of the night was a drunken blur, you do remember Taehyung’s warm hands squeezing your own. You remember how gentle he was, how his thumbs rubbed circles into your skin to soothe you while you blabbered through hot tears about your friend leaving you alone at the party. His willingness to find a quiet corner to talk down a stranger from a drunken panic attack was everything anyone needed to know about Taehyung, in your opinion. Calm, patient, and unafraid of looking someone in the eyes during their worst moment and showing them kindness without any judgment or ridicule. 

You couldn’t have imagined that a year later you would move in with the gentle boy from the party. You couldn’t have imagined that you’d get to hold those warm hands all day, every day, whenever you wanted. 

You also couldn’t have imagined that two years later you’d be moving out. 

The gentle boy from the party never changed. Sure, he grew up. He finished graduate school, got a “big kid job” as he put it, adopted a dog, and bought a condo. He matured, but he didn’t change, not really. He was still the same gentle boy. 

You were the one who changed. 

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s okay.” Taehyung gives you a sad smile when silence falls between the two of you long enough for him to come to his own conclusions. “I suppose that was unfair of me to tell you.” 

And there he goes, being considerate when you’re the one who has been so, so unfair.

“Why,” you blurt out. 

Taehyung looks as though he’s going to speak, but your waiter suddenly appears at your table to inquire about the food that’s gone mostly uneaten on your plates and the bottle of wine that’s halfway gone. 

It’s so easy to get lost in Taehyung’s presence, to forget that there’s a world beyond him. You remind yourself that you’re at an expensive restaurant, on the outdoor patio. All around you are couples sharing a late dinner beneath the stars. It’s Valentine’s Day. The waiter is gone now.

“Why?” Your eyes refocus on Taehyung who now has his fingers threaded together beneath his chin. Despite his sad smile, there’s a quirk to his eyebrows that makes your stomach do something you wish it wouldn’t.  

“I treated you horribly. I put all my energy into writing that stupid fucking book. Writing imaginary worlds instead of paying attention to the one I was in. The one you were part of.” Your voice is small, but Taehyung’s has always been soft enough to never overpower yours. 

He sucks on his teeth and lets his hands fall into his lap. With a cocked head, he watches you for a few too many heartbeats for your liking. 

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” He takes another sip of his wine. Waits. 

“Are you quoting Maya Angelou at me right now?” Your question is meant to carry an accusatory tone, but it’s nothing more than light teasing, and perhaps a bit of confusion. 

And then there’s the boxy grin you once had the privilege of waking up to every morning. Now you had one of those alarm clock lamps that mimic the sun rising. It’s nowhere near as bright as Taehyung’s smile. 

“Perhaps.” He puts his hands up when he knows you’re about to press him further. “But it’s a good quote!” 

He always knew how to speak your language, even when you hadn’t tried to learn how to speak his. 

“It’s an excuse for shitty behavior,” you point out. 

“It’s a promise for a better future.” 

You stop yourself from running your mouth and force yourself to sit with his words. Taehyung, forever the optimist. Where you saw failures, he saw opportunities for growth. 

“Neither of us knew what we were doing,” Taehyung continues softly. He reaches over to take your hand in his. It’s been a year and he’s still soft, still warm, still calming. “But now we know better.” 

You want to tell him he’s wrong; you were the only fuck-up in this equation. But you don’t because Taehyung never lets you get away with speaking poorly of yourself, even after a year apart. 

“I want to try… to do better. But I don’t want to hurt you if it’s not good enough.” 

Taehyung lets out an airy laugh, his intense gaze finally falling from your eyes to instead gaze at your fingers interlocked with his. “I’m not so fragile, Y/N.” And just as quickly, his dark eyes are on you once again. You wonder if you’ll ever be able to look him in the eyes without feeling like your heart is in your throat. “And even if I was, I’d still rather be hurt by you over and over for the rest of my life than settle for loving someone I can never give myself fully to.” 

“I wouldn’t let it happen over and over again,” you whisper, willing the prickly feeling at the corner of your eyes to disappear. 

“Mhmm,” Taehyung hums with a squeeze of your hand. “And that’s how I know we’ll be okay.” 

all rights reserved © gimmethatagustd on tumblr & AO3

do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my work

[weirdestbooks]

What's The Worst Way to Punish An Introvert? (Wattpad | Ao3)

Finland didn’t mean to make a mistake. He had gotten permission from his father to purchase the book. He should have specified that the book was in Finnish, but he was an idiot and didn’t. He knew that it made him look more educated to read in Russian, and it allowed him to share the book with his father, not to mention it was also part of an agreement his father had with his nobility, allowing Finland to use Finnish in his daily life. But Finland bought the stupid book in Finnish; now, he and his father were in trouble. 

His father got out of it easily; he was the empire, but Finland wasn't so lucky. Thankfully, his father decided his punishments, and unlike some members of his nobility who thought Finland needed to be punished more harshly regularly, he was averse to severe punishment.

That didn’t mean Finland liked his punishments. That defeated the point. They always required interaction with large groups of people, and he wasn't allowed to speak Finnish or leave without his father’s permission.

Not being allowed to speak Finnish wasn't supposed to be part of the punishment. His father just made that rule because the last time Finland spoke Finnish in Saint Petersburg, his father had to stop many nobles from treating him with disrespect because they thought his father wasn’t educating him properly or other nonsense. His father found those rumors just as annoying as Finland did, and they often had fun together laughing over the more outrageous ones.

His father was always happy that Finland could take those insults with good humor. Finland neglected to tell his father they hurt more than he let on. It was better to see him happy. Finland could handle it. Besides, Finland didn’t even care. Why do the opinions of people he’ll outlive matter to him? Finland will affect history, and they won't.

“Finland! How was the trip? I hope you didn’t have to deal with anything too annoying on your way from Helsinki.” Father said as he greeted Finland, a fond look in his eyes.

“I didn’t, Father, don’t worry. I presume you’ll have me attend some of your balls and other parties while I am here? As punishment for my error?” Finland asked, the Russian language feeling foreign on his tongue. It had been a while since he had spoken the language since Finland tended to stay in his duchy, and rarely was he punished.

Finland was a good son. 

“I will. I have your outfit picked out for one tonight. And your requirements will be given to you when you arrive. I expect you to be early so I can ensure you are properly prepared and don't get humiliated by some nobles who like to insult you.” Father said. Finland nodded at the instructions.

“Thank you, Father. I'll prepare for it now.” Finland said, walking towards the palace. He can’t believe his father was making him attend one tonight. Finland was tired from traveling from Helsinki, and he knew from prior experience that showing any emotion that his father hadn’t allowed him to during one of these parties only made it worse. 

Finland shivered at the memories of days of parties in a row with no breaks, constant conversations, and dancing. He had never been more tired in his entire life. His feet hadn’t stopped hurting for days, he couldn’t stop shaking when he stood up, and he had lost his voice. 

Finland was grateful that his father took time out of his schedule to help care for him, even if he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t take it that far again. But that was okay. Punishments were meant to make you learn, and reactions like that helped Finland stay well-behaved and a better son. 

However, sometimes, he wishes his father wouldn’t attack his weaknesses with these punishments. But it's not like that was his intention. Finland knew that his father didn’t know that Finland hated parties, and social interaction for long periods seemed to drive Finland closer and closer to an emotional breakdown. His father didn’t know that Finland never felt an attraction to the women he tried to match me up with. 

Finland would never let him know. Disappointing him wasn't allowed, and showing weakness was a sin. 

Those were some of the first lessons his father had taught him. Finland made sure he used them well.

Finland entered his room and sighed when he saw the outfit his father had picked out for him. It looked stuffy, tight, and uncomfortable. Finland was a good son, though! He wouldn’t disobey his father, so he put on the suit. 

After Finland did that, he looked at himself in the dirty mirror. He looked a lot more like his father this way. Maybe that’s why his father loved dressing Finland in these suits. Finland sighed, shifting uncomfortably in the tight material. He wished he could stay here a bit longer to reduce the time he had to spend at the party, but he knew that would just upset his father. 

With a heavy sigh, Finlan prepared to leave, knowing that he would most likely have to attend this one.

It wouldn’t be that bad!

—————

Finland didn’t just have to attend one party—he had to participate in three, all in three days, with nearly no time to rest. Finland was exhausted and felt like his face was stuck in a permanent smile, as his father had only permitted him to express joy and smugness. Finland had let his face return to its regular expression during the first party, and his father saw it, resulting in Finland being forced to go to the other two parties. 

Finland was now looking for his father, hoping that he would be able to convince his father that three of those parties were enough punishment for the book and for disobeying his orders. Finland wasn’t hopeful, but it was worth a shot. Eventually, he found his father in the library. Finland hesitantly entered, fearful of offending him. 

“Father, may I ask for something?” Finland asked. His father looked up from his book and nodded, and Finland shifted nervously.

“May…” Finland said, the words dying in his throat as he struggled to gather the courage to say them.

What was he doing? Why was he questioning his father? He should be grateful, but instead, he acted like an entitled brat.

“You want to know if you’ve been punished enough,” His father stated, reading Finland like a book, as he always did. Finland nodded, “Then explain why Stanislav.”

Finland dropped to his knees, knowing the action would make his father more willing to listen.

“Father, I have learned. I won’t disobey you again. I will not question you again. Let me stop going to these galas.” Finland said the Russian no longer felt foreign in his mouth. But it was still hard to speak. His voice was quiet. He wasn't used to speaking this much. 

His father was doing this to help Finland, though. He was trying to ensure that Finland was involved in his world, that they had a chance to be together as a family, that Finland had friends, and that he wouldn’t be alone for the rest of his life. His father cared. Sure, this was technically a punishment, but it was also just his father trying to share his life with Finland. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw that my father had kneeled beside me.

“Okay, Finland. I think you’ve been punished enough,” he said before standing and holding out a hand to help Finland up. Finland smiled and took it, his father’s massive hand dwarfing his own. But even then, his hand was gentle, and he did not accidentally crush Finland’s hand. “Now, Stanislav, tell me, did you make any new friends?”

“No, Father, I didn’t. But I found some people I think would make good friends with further conversation.” Finland told him, hoping that these attempts at friends would work out.

It would make his father happy to see him happy and with others. Finland wanted that. He wanted to make his father happy. His father never seemed happy, although maybe that was because Finland really only saw him when he messed up.

But little moments like these reminded Finland of how much he loved his father. His father never stops caring.

[iwanthermidnightz]

(You don’t have to post this if you feel it might spark conflict or anything)

Idk. I don’t think JVN’s comment was anything for anyone feel slighted by (not to discredit anyone’s feelings or anything and not to attack the anon who brought this up).

It seemed like he was just saying she was being an ally in that she made a song/video that was supportive, inclusive and embracing of the gay community, knowing the kind of people who are in her fan base or who feel entitled to dictate this double standard of what she can or can’t speak about/support with her platform. Also knowing that she’s someone who can relate to her rights (as a woman) being under attack as well.

I mean, look how some people act over how her LGBTQIA fans personally connect her music to their own experience and tour visuals. Betty had to be changed to being from the perspective of a teenage boy, when James is a gender neutral name (as is the name Taylor) and can be a girl. They think she's only supposed to cater to one group of people only. It’s always “ended Gaylors” or they call them “weird” or they're “forcing their sexuality”. Or how they acted when Rolling Stone ran that Gaylor article. They constantly look for the smallest thing to try and use to belittle or justify their behavior, when the whole time, Taylor is the one putting this out there.

Which is (in my opinion) the learned behavior/mindset that had her thinking she couldn’t speak about a community she wasn’t a part of. Because she, Taylor Swift the person can speak about it, but Taylor Swift the brand could not. She has even said she was always told to never speak about politics and we saw her arguing with her Dad about needing to do so.

Like you said, IWHM—as we all know, you can be a part of a community and still be an ally/advocate for it. Plus, do they ever stop to think why she hy wouldn’t she support something that affects her directly?

Plus, just because JVN knows her doesn’t mean he knows her. It doesn’t she’s opened up that side of herself to him yet. It’s not like he’s on an Abigail level of friendship with her. If that makes sense.

Sorry this was so long and for taking up space on your page, IWHM, but it’s just frustrating at times.

Don’t apologize, I think this is very valid and should be brought up because this is how a lot of people feel, and you said it very well. I’m sorry, I feel bad that I don’t get into the details as much anymore because it does seem to spark conflict here where people cannot have a normal conversation without throwing insults around and I don’t want to deal with that. But I appreciate when we can have these discussions, and you can come to me to share your feelings!

I agree that it seemed like jvn was just saying that she was being an ally and she made a song/video that was supportive, inclusive and embracing of the gay community and that’s important.

One part of me wants to ignore these people that claim they’re fans who treat her lqbtqia fans so horrible. Another part of me has been made to feel guilty for wanting to call it out, for fear of “being too much”. The other part of me says screw that, they don’t get to tell queer people how to feel or tell us that we make things up to push a gay narrative. That’s called gaslighting. Taylor is the one that has been signaling for years putting things out that are blatantly queer. Queer people pick up on it. That’s the way it’s always been. That’s how we find each other. So people who act like *we* are the problem are unbearable.

Taylor sees this. It’s probably part of the reason she doesn’t want to explicitly say things even though she is basically out to people who want to see it. It makes me sad that she feels she has to do things a certain way to protect herself from certain people.

I keep thinking about the lines in dear reader where she says

Dear reader, you don't have to answer / Just cause they asked you / I prefer hiding in plain sight / You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking / If you knew where I was walking / You should find another guiding light

And in sweet nothing how she says

And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more" To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

To us, she can admit that. And I know she is held to a certain standard because of who she is and her platform, but at the end of the day she’s also just a person. She’s walking a line that she’s comfortable with and as she said last night, it’s okay to give yourself permission to make decisions that work for you. And you only.

So to your point about the double standard of what she can or can’t speak about/support with her platform, I agree. I’m kind of in between on this. Do I wish she would speak out more forcefully? Yes. Do I think she must? No. I believe she has a long list of considerations to take into account, but I also feel like she’s spoken out on important issues before, she can do it again. I’m not going to hold it against her if she doesn’t.

Sorry if I’m rambling. Thank you for your perspective 🤍

[pandemoniusstuff]

https://www.tumblr.com/pandemoniusstuff/761545888137166848/httpswwwtumblrcompandemoniusstuff76154552884?source=share

idk man to me it just seems like cons would be the easiest money ever. Get to travel on the con’s dime and meet people who like/love you make a thousands in the process. Who would want to give that up?? I get the trauma dumping could be exhausting mentally or sometimes it’s a bit awkward but it still looks like a win.

also we’re assuming that Joseph’s performances will be received well by the general public. As much as most of us like him as Eddie, a lot of people also found the performance grating/annoying. I think he is very talented with a tendency towards overacting. Ultimately I think he’ll be good IF he can strike that balance but who knows given how erratic his irl behavior has been.

like you say anon, i will never ever deny joe is talented. he’s gotten these roles for a reason. he overacts but i think that’s what movies need now, we have gotten kind of flat performances from so many actors/actresses that it just feels so repetitive.

what i will say is this though. there needs to be a balance and we need to learn it is ok to want more gratitude from a celebrity. you spend your money, you deserve to be seen and heard. trauma dumping in my opinion is a big no, don’t do that. you don’t pay him the same rate as a professional so don’t do that. write him a letter saying how much he’s helped you. cons are easy money. you get paid to take photos and sign things. is it taxing? sure i don’t doubt that. but why is it fans are leaving sad that you couldn’t even smile in the picture. there’s a difference between being a hater and giving feedback to help people grow. i know what i say isn’t going to change anything, but people get attacked when they voice an opinion in this fandom that doesn’t align with the people who want to act like he’s an angel. these are his fans. i don’t care if he gets to be the biggest celebrity in the world, you still show kindness to your fans. they pay you, their views pay you. remember that.

joe is not huge yet and im sorry if that sounds mean. but will he get there? i dont doubt he will. that means though that he needs to remember without the people buying tickets he wouldn’t be where he is. that’s just how it is.

[butternutrisotto]

1/30

Okay…. This post may seem a bit different with the one I used to write before. I kinda feel like I need to do something new as a fresh start in this blog. So, I started thinking to start 30 days writing challenge as a reminder for me to keep writing and sharing what’s been on my mind lately. Besides that, I also kinda miss writing in full English like this and I guess it’s better late than never, right? :)

Today’s sharing will be discussing about things I’m grateful for. You know it helps me to release any kind of emotion inside my mind when I do mindful living like practicing gratitude. And without further ado, let’s begin!

I’m so grateful that I’m still breathing until now. I know it sounds so cliché like of course we still do but when I wake up in the morning and I realize I’m still breathing, I know that I’m still having tons of opportunity to do something better. After that, I started praying for a whole day to get better than yesterday. In my opinion, people tend to keep forgetting the tiniest detail in their life like this. For a person who has a panic attack sometimes, it’s so good to take a deep breath slowly and feel the air comes through your lungs. It calms my mind too when I do this. So I just feel like breathing is something essential beyond everything.

I’m grateful that I’m healthy inside and outside. I have story that I think I must write it down here. I have once worked in a small cafe. At first I think I’ll be getting excited cause I’ll meet a lot of people coming to the store. As the day goes by, I felt my body was really numb and I got a headache like I don’t know why. I’ve eaten some food before I went to work and drank enough water. Then, I felt like I got a sore throat and I couldn’t feel anything when I ate something. So, I checked up to nearest clinic near my house and the doctor told me that I need a rest. It didn’t make any sense like I felt really okay and then she told me to get enough rest before I came back to work. And later on, I had 2 days rest. I still had this on my mind: maybe it was because of the weather and pollution so it made me sick like this. After I got better, 2 weeks later or a month later if I’m not mistaken, I got sick again — with the same pattern before. Then I’ve come to realized that my body has been giving a clear signal that I didn’t belong to that workplace and I also knew that it wasn’t a healthy company cause every day I’m so stressed with the boss and they never appreciated things that I did. I was being ignored when I asked for a help since they didn’t want me to compete with them as they know I have a background working in the US. So I had made a clear decision to resign from that place. And you know what? I’m getting better and I’m doing a healthy habit until now to remind myself that my well being is more than anything. Eventually, I realize that health is sooo important for me, not just from the outside but also from the inside. That’s the reason I keep managing my body to do the exercise, do the mindful life, and also manage my stress.

Last but not the least, I’m grateful for everything that I have in my life. My body, my mind, my sister, my lovely friends, my beloved workplace and team mate, and my life. I’m just so grateful for them and I couldn’t have thanked enough cause they exist. What’s life gonna be without them all? So I am reminding myself over and over again to always appreciate everything while it lasts and never take anything for granted.

Deep inside my heart, I love paying attention to every single details that surround me. Like how’s the weather today, how’s my body today, I feel healthier day by day, what food I eat today, what kind of exercise do I need for today and how it all seems so interesting to keep romanticizing my life like that. <3

[zomblorbs]

responding to your post about the aot ending. (if this doesn’t work for what you wanted don’t answer but i thought i’d open up about this!)

i just finished attack on titan a few days ago. because before that, i hated what i saw. like, from the perspective of someone who got all their information from manga clippings on tumblr. and here’s why i hated it with every fiber of my being:

a) i hated marley. i didn’t like reiner or zeke, i hated gabi, and i hated how much attention they got in the final season/issues. i wanted to see our main cast, not these side characters who ruined everything. (after finally finishing it, i have a new appreciation. i still dislike gabi and zeke, and i’m not the biggest fan of reiner. but i found myself absolutely adoring porco and colt and pieck and it gave me room to open up)

b) i hated eren. he went from the protagonist we were supposed to adore to the antagonist we were fighting against and i thought it was too bold of a choice and i couldn’t get on board with it. the whole conversation with armin and mikasa… ugh. i was infuriated. and everything i saw only furthered that. the rumbling?? mikasa kissing his decapitated head??? it was all so weird and upsetting to me. (i sobbed over the scene where she kissed him. i cried through the intro every time. he was a child. he just wanted to save his friends.)

c) levi. i was BEYOND convinced that without hange in the picture, he couldn’t have a happy ending. i was livid that he survived. i was infuriated that he survived AND didn’t ever fully heal from his physical injuries. it felt like they had taken everything from him, and i was so mad about it. (i made a whole post about how wrong i was about this one)

so, yeah! these were the reasons that it took me several years to finally actually finish attack on titan, and see that the ending isn’t as bad as i had previously thought.

Thank you for answering and wanting to share your opinion! Even though you had rocky opinions starting out i’m glad you were able to finish it in the end, no matter how your opinions changed or stayed the same!

Here’s my thoughts: (feel free to skip if you’re not interested)

It took me a really long time to finish AOT as well, i started watching it when Season 1 came out and then was hesitant to watch any further when the next season was added because i was nervous about how the story would go, im glad i finished it when i did though because i grew up and was able to understand the plot a lot better.

i can completely relate on not liking Gabi or Zeke, even after finishing the show i still strongly dislike them. though i feel a little neutral when it comes to Reiner and the other Warriors. I feel bad for Reiner and how far he was pushed even after he had wanted to die but his actions were still awful, i do not sympathize with him but i do pity him. Marley is still unforgivable in my eyes.

As far as Eren goes, i’m pretty neutral on him, it’s very Love Hate relationship between me and him. It was the first time i’ve ever seen a protagonist become the antagonist (or at least an anti-hero) so it was very shocking. I hate Eren because he made the decision without anyone else’s consideration and believed it was okay, even after we get a glimpse of his talk with Armin in the final episode he still did The Rumbling. I love him because i feel bad for him, he was just a kid when he was pushed into the role of a Titan shifter and everyone in the Survey Corps took advantage of his titan, seeing him as a tool rather than anything else.

I believe that how things ended was the only way things could have ended, everyone was pushed to the extreme and killing Eren was the only way to end the story (i know a lot of people have problems with the ending because of Eren dying)

I was happy to see that Levi got a (overall) neutral ending (imo) although i agree that without Hange in the picture it would be hard to see Levi surviving I believe that Hange dying was the final straw with him so you can imagine my surprise to see that he survived AND then was in a portion where he was being very kind and generous to the kids (though it makes sense because he had been in the same position as them before) i’m very happy he survived in the end

In the end, i didn’t side with either sides of the war because overall, there were no completely good people with good intentions, and i was glad it turned out that way because no one is entirely good. Nothing is ever black and white.

Overall it’s really interesting to see what other people think of the ending so thanks for sharing!

[teethburger]

VENT INCOMING

ok so the last few days my dad and I have been working our asses off to prepare me for my math exam, my dad is really passionate about it and pretty much educated himself on all the material to teach me, because I’ve been absent from that class for medical reasons. We watched videos, did TONS of exercises from the coursebook, we spent entire DAYS preparing for everything that was on the study guide and then some, I worked and worked until I could do all the exercises perfectly. I knew all the formulas, my parents were congratulating me, I was so confident that I would ace this exam.

Come the day of the exam, I look at the paper and I’m immediately anxious because it looks so much harder than everything I studied (which is EVERYTHING). I tried to calm myself down and do as much as I could, but it quickly became clear that the exercises on the exam were WAY more difficult than those in the coursebook. Some of them asked for things that we didn’t even cover. I started crying and asked the attending teacher if I could call my dad. I called him and explained what was going on, but he couldn’t really do anything from a distance, so he told me to just do the things I did know. I did, but the grand majority of the problems were impossible to solve with the material we learned. I checked multiple times if it was the right exam. My math teacher (the one who smells) came to sit next to me and just went “hey, you did this one right!!! Just try your best to do the others!!!”, completely disregarding the exercises that I literally couldn’t finish. Eventually I had to give up because there was nothing else I could do. At this point I was just pissed. Me and my dad worked ourselves to the bone in 31 degree Celsius weather to ace this exam with all the material we’d been given, and then it was all for nothing. I already noticed this in some previous tests, but this exam confirmed it; I’m actually really good at math if I try my best and it’s taught correctly, my teacher is just an asshole who makes his tests way harder than the material we learned. All of the attending teachers, including him, were acting like I was just insecure about my abilities, BUT I WASN’T. I did all of the exercises PERFECTLY just yesterday, I was completely confident that I understood all the principles and knew how to make the exercises. After some more back and forth and drama, they called my dad to pick me up (without my prompting, might I add) and I had to hand in this exam mostly blank.

NOW, the principal apparently told my dad that we have to go get a doctor’s note so I could be excused from this exam. I, the person who was given an impossible exam and pretty much had a panic attack, have to get a doctor’s note to justify my inability to do the exam. Still heavily implying that there’s something wrong with ME because I couldn’t do an exam I wasn’t prepared for. We actually have to go to a doctor in the near future so she can write a note explaining why I didn’t finish the exam (I still for the life of me can’t figure out what she’s gonna write. “My teacher was too much of an asshole to finish this exam”??), which also interferes with my studies for my other exams.

I seriously don’t know why the fuck this is allowed. Or how any of my classmates could possibly pass this exam. I was even given the teacher’s notes to study from, because I’m not physically going to his class anymore. How the fuck is there something wrong with me because I couldn’t do an exam that I was never properly prepared for? My dad couldn’t even look at the exam, so I couldn’t prove my point to him (he does believe me and shares my opinion, but no one else is listening to me). I don’t understand how they can blame this on me. What am I even supposed to say to a doctor? Why are they so fucking unfair on me and trying to pin the blame on me? Agggggggggggggh I’m just so angry rn I don’t even have the words

[grandlovescheme]

So now we are being asked for our opinion and you say to one person no one meant to shame them but then vibe w another anon saying it was kink shaming. I mean if you don’t want different opinions that’s fine, but tbh it kind of hurts that you say one thing in answer and another thing in comments. I was only expressing my opinion. I don’t see where I kink shamed anyone. It’s perfectly okay and valid to not vibe w underage things personally and not care if someone else likes it for whatever reason. I didn’t see anyone say didn’t ship that. But tbh now it feels like we’re being attacked for expressing an opinion other than what others want to hear. This is either a safe space for expressing opinions or not. And when I say that’s not for me, and see others agree without attacking anyone that makes me uncomfortable and reluctant to share an opinion at all. Again, that is just my opinion only. Others can have their own. No one ever said they couldn’t.

Some things in this ask I don't understand, I'll admit, but that might just be the language barrier. For example, the bit "When I say that’s not for me, and see others agree without attacking anyone that makes me uncomfortable..." I'm not sure I understand that, why would it make you uncomfortable when someone agrees with you without attacking anyone? Am I missing something? If so, please do correct me. I don't know if I've mentioned it here before but I'm Czech and sometimes things get lost in translation.

The other things I did understand, though, I'll try to address as best as I can. This definitely is a safe space for expressing opinions, sending your ideas whether others like them or not. Truly, I meant that. I know there was no kink shaming in your or any other ask.

In the comments I answered that kink shaming was not okay (or shaming in general, of course), but I did *not* mean you or other anons talking about the PW!AU, or any other AU for that matter. Someone replied that they were not happy with others kink shaming and I replied in that matter, that's all I meant. I'm sorry for hurting you or anyone else, making you feel like you couldn't speak up about anything. That truly wasn't my intention, I hope you know that. As it was with the Stalker!AU before, when someone was unhappy about something, I was glad to know what/why and how it could be fixed. The same works here, and for anything else in the future.

If you want to talk more about it, please do not hesitate to reach out again, or if not, I understand that too ❤️

[raifenlf]

Why Loki’s Sylvie Is A Mary Sue

So I am firmly in the camp that Sylvie on the Loki series was/is a Mary Sue.  The last episode made me feel better and like maybe the show was doing a thing where they were faking you out that she was a Mary Sue only to show she was actually sort of a bad guy and I liked that.  But all the recent interviews make me think the show wants to go back to her being a Mary Sue.

But I feel like when I call her out for being a Mary Sue people tell me what are you talking about, she’s not a Mary Sue, bad things happen to her, etc.  But that doesn’t actually make her not a Mary Sue.  

Also, before we start, I know some people find Mary Sue sexist.  But I personally use the term for guys and girls. I don’t use the term to belittle women.  I use the term to criticize a poorly written character.

And I know Mary Sue is often used to describe fanfic characters.  But to me, this series is kind of like a fanfic because the writers took a character who had been in canon MCU material for ten years and then created characters around that character.  So, I kind of review it like I would a fanfic.  It’s very different than if the writers had created a brand new show with all of their own new characters.

Anyway, if you are not totally familiar with the Mary Sue term, then check this out:

I know the term Mary Sue probably means different things to different people.  But I have always used these guidelines when I write my own fanfic to make sure my characters never come off as a Mary Sue.

This article really gives you a full scale of what a Mary Sue is.  If you start reading it, you’ll immediately see why Sylvie is.  But I’m going to take out the parts that most fit Sylvie just to highlight why I believe she is a Mary Sue.  I apologize for this being so long.

Mary Sue Character Traits

Personality

Erm... what personality? The typical Mary Sue doesn't have one per se, because she isn't meant to be a character; rather, she's an entity by which the author makes cool stuff happen.

I feel like that is Sylvie in a nutshell.  She doesn’t have a personality.  I feel like even though she ate screentime, I still don’t really know her at all.  The writers love to say she’s badass.  That’s not a personality.  

Sometimes when I am writing stories for fun and creating new characters, I like to take surveys as my fictional characters.  Like the kind of surveys you’d see in a magazine, like personality types, what’s your dating style, etc.  I figure if I don’t know what my character would do in any of those situations, then I need to keep working on my character.  And if I was trying to fill out a survey pretending I was Sylvie I would have no idea what to answer because she doesn’t have a personality.  She’s just “cool”.

What little personality a Mary Sue has isn't as important as how other characters react to it. No matter how shy or socially awkward Mary Sue is supposed to be, other characters will be inexplicably drawn to her

This is so Sylvie.  Loki falls in love with her...why, exactly?  He falls in love with her in the big Nexus event moment...why?  Because she had a tough childhood?  Mobius spends like two seconds with her in a car and goes from hating her to saying she’s his favorite Loki.  For. No. Particular. Reason.

She's extremely persuasive; everyone finds her opinions to be better than their own

She enchants Hunter B-15 and then immediately Hunter B-15 makes it her whole entire life mission to back Sylvie up.  

And occasionally she'll be a complete asshole...This can manifest itself in several ways...The author wants to write a badass but doesn't know how. This leads to a character who mistreats everyone around her and is never called out on her abrasive, casually abusive behavior.

Sylvie talked down to Loki and treated him like garbage for all of episode three, but it was never portrayed as a bad thing and we never got any impression Sylvie later felt bad for the way she treated Loki

The author doesn't know how to hold back the character, meaning that she will succeed at practically everything. This means that when she encounters rules or authority figures who would otherwise prevent her from doing what she wants to do, she rolls right through them (and they praise her for her "boldness" in defying regulations). If a bad guy is violent and aggressive, she can beat him by being more violent and aggressive (with all that entails). It's impossible for her to go overboard because she's protected by Protagonist-Centered Morality.

Sylvie is shown as a kid to immediately be able to grab a Tempad and run away.  And she can kick ass way better than Loki, for no known reason.  She is always able to fight back against the TVA when they attack her.  And she can kill lots of innocent TVA agents but it’s okay because TVA bad, Sylvie good.

Skills

She will always be superior to the canon characters, regardless of what canon has established they can do or whether it makes any sense.

Whose skill was needed to defeat Alioth?  Sylvie’s.  Of course.  Sylvie needed to teach Loki her skills in order for him to succeed (!).  And again, she is literally called the superior Loki.

Relatedly, there's no effort to her skills. She never actually trains or learns anything to become more powerful; she just wins the Super Power Lottery, or is a freakish natural learner, or is just Inexplicably Awesome

We’re told Sylvie literally taught herself magic.  She literally taught herself to enchant people.  That. Makes. No. Sense.  Like, I have so many questions.  Like, why would it even occur to her to teach herself that?  And how????????????  This is really lazy writing.

Canon Character Relationships

Mary Sue is often designed to hook up with another character, often as a form of Wish Fulfillment. This isn't that bad in and of itself (okay, it is kinda weird), but Mary Sue accomplishes this without any sense of realism. She just grabs her lover's attention straight away, and their relationship will never face any obstacles or tension; it's true love from the start and nothing else. The biggest giveaway is if the love interest is explicitly the author's favorite character, and she essentially "cures" him of all the angst that ails him (at the expense of his characterization).

Yeah, so...this one should be pretty obvious to anyone who watched the show.  Loki literally falls in love with Sylvie immediately, and then he suddenly turns from “villain” to “hero” just because of loving her.  And this was definitely at the expense of his characterization.  And Loki just knows he falls in love with her.  There’s not even any moments of hmm what do I feel for this person?  It’s just true love, immediately.

She will be related to a canon character in some way. This (marginally) helps explain such phenomena as her being a Copy Cat Sue and other characters accepting her so easily.

Sylvie is a Loki variant.  They use this to help explain why Loki is drawn to her and why their falling in love immediately “makes sense”.

Most characters give her more heed than they normally would. The good guys never stop praising her

Seriously, it was so over the top and OOC for Loki to gush over her.  He literally tells her she’s amazing.  They don’t even make it subtle.

Characters' previously established personalities change in reaction to her. Proud, arrogant gimps suddenly acknowledge her superiority in everything. Reckless youths will listen to all her advice. Responsible leaders will defer to her instead. Villains will obsess with her to the detriment of all else. Extremely competent characters will become stumbling buffoons who require her help to do anything. Sweet, mild-mannered characters whom the author doesn't like turn evil and insult her. They all become unnaturally focused on her in some way.

Again, Loki’s whole personality changed in reaction to her.  He became a buffoon who needed her help to enchant the Alioth because of course he couldn’t do anything without her!  Hunter B-15 goes from doing whatever the TVA said to fighting the TVA just because of Sylvie.

Story Elements

Mary Sue is without exception a single-person Spotlight-Stealing Squad. The entire story hinges on her existence; if you removed her, there would be no story. 

Sylvie undoubtedly drove the whole story this season.  It all became about HER meeting the TVA heads because of HER trauma.  Loki’s life was only saved at the beginning because the TVA was trying to capture HER.  And SHE was the one who started the whole multiverse (!).

Mary Sue is The Chosen One, even if the setting already has one. There are many ways she can accomplish this: she can be a Sailor Earth type who "shares" the position with the canon hero; she may be vaguely "destined to help the destined one fulfill their destiny" (i.e. do all the work except the final blow so that the prophecy is still technically correct); or the canon hero may be revealed to be a Fake Ultimate Hero all along. Being the Chosen One doesn't necessarily involve her being a God-Mode Sue, especially as authors become aware of the phenomenon and try to avoid it, but it does make her critically important to the world and allows her to continue stealing the spotlight without the "god mode" label.

HWR wanted Sylvie to come with Loki in the end, like she was chosen all along right alongside Loki.  Like one of the most important characters in the entire MCU is now this character who we only met a few episodes ago.

Most Sues have an unusually Dark and Troubled Past. It's often used to create a Sympathetic Sue, but any type of Sue can have one

They tell us, over and over, how hard Sylvie’s life was because she was kidnapped by the TVA in order to create sympathy for her.

She almost never does anything wrong. In the rare instance that she does, it's usually; (a) a way for the author to disclaim her being a Mary Sue by introducing a single imperfection (that has no bearing on anything anyway), and (b) designed to show her smarts by making her feel instant remorse, and she'll be Easily Forgiven anyway:

So this one hopefully will not come true, as a lot can change between now and when the show is taped. But if the show goes on the way the behind the scenes team is talking, Sylvie immediately felt remorse for betraying Loki, and Loki has already forgiven her and is desperately looking for her.  Ugh.

Alternatively, she is more than capable of doing something wrong, be it in general moral terms or something that goes against whatever code she abides by, and she maybe even frequently does so, but don't expect the other characters or the narrative to ever acknowledge or comment on it in any real capacity. If the other characters do call her out, expect them to be treated like they're the problem for daring to criticize her at all.

Mobius calls her out for killing people, but Sylvie immediately says he’s a bad person and then Mobius agrees, because, of course.

She will often suffer from Special Snowflake Syndrome; i.e., she has a trait or backstory that sets her apart from her group or race.

She is the only female Loki, thus making her the special one among all the Lokis in episode five.

Presentation

In visual media, the camera just can't stop staring at her.

The camera would follow her in fight scenes rather than Loki.

Mary Sue Tropes

Okay, so there are specific Mary Sue tropes that Sylvie is.  One of those is Copy Cat Sue, which I think was referenced before.

Copy Cat Sue

A lot of fanfic writers...start to write something because of their passion for this character, but they find something about the character that doesn't mesh well. Maybe they're the wrong gender or are otherwise not close enough to the author's expectations...In any case, rather than put them through the Possession Sue process, they just get a Clone-O-Matic™ and out pops a Copy Cat Sue...the character might be intended as a replacement for the canon character, but without whatever icky traits the author hates. They'll then rob the spotlight, prove the canon character to be unworthy of his/her position, and either relegate the character to obsolescence or, perhaps, even remove them entirely.

Sylvie is basically a clone of Loki, she is a variant.  But she absolutely robbed the spotlight of Loki’s, and they literally call her the superior Loki.  I mean, they are literally not even being subtle about this.  And there was a feeling by myself (and a lot of other viewers) that Sylvie might ultimately replace Loki in the MCU. 

Black Hole Sue

Much like a black hole, this is a Mary Sue who "sucks in" the plot and characters to her. Characters will behave outside their personalities, logic will be defied, and rules will be broken for her sake.

Sylvie really does suck up all the plot and Loki definitely behaves outside of his personality just to fit the Sylvie show.

Jerk Sue

A Mary Sue who is mean or maybe even cruel, but are still treated as an ideal person.

Once again, Sylvie is basically a jerk all of episode three, but you’ve got Loki falling over himself to call her amazing in just the next episode.

Relationship Sue

A Mary Sue who exists to be the perfect mate for a specific character...this character has everything in the plot conspiring to enforce this One True Pairing...in Fanfiction, they are the perfect beloved of a canon character.

They literally have Mobius speculate that Loki falling in love with Sylvie is so extraordinary that it causes an entire Nexus event, that’s how huge this One True Pairing is (!).  And Sylvie is the love interest of Loki, the only character who had been around before the beginning of the series

TLDR: Sylvie has all the tropes of a classic Mary Sue character.  So calling Sylvie a Mary Sue isn’t being sexist or just randomly hating on the character.  If you use common Mary Sue characteristics to examine the character, she just has too many of these characteristics to ignore.

[subpar-ghoulfriend]

Cuddle Bunny

Pro Hero!Kirishima x reader with a bunny quirk

So I learned that professional cuddling is a thing and I think Kirishima would go to a Cuddle Cafe. He becomes a little too attached to his professional cuddle buddy with a bunny quirk. 

tw: smut, yandere, alludes to a breeding kink

AN: I love the concept of pro heroes going to cuddle clubs because they just want to be cared for. I’m working on a part two for Kirishima and want to write a cuddle cafe for another character eventually. Let me know which hero you think could use a trip to the cafe?

Kirishima has a secret. Nothing bad or necessarily illegal, just sort of embarrassing. See, being a pro hero is great but keeps him busy. Too busy to go on dates and he was never good at one night stands.

Then he heard about something called under ground cuddle cafes. They had become quite popular over the past few years. They weren't against the law. It was just a place someone can go to spend intimacy with another person.

He thought it was a cute idea. Basically all the pillow talk and cuddles without sex or expectations.

For a while he didn't request anyone specific. He was just happy to have someone to talk with and get some oxytocin release.

But then he met you. There was just something about you that drew him in. Maybe it was the way you insisted on having him rest his head in your soft lap while you played with his hair. Most of the other servers just went straight to cuddling on the pile of pillows and soft pads that made up a bed.

You always asked him questions and weren't afraid to tease him when he got too worked up talking about some of his Hero duties.

You had the most adorable bunny quirk and you joked that your floppy bunny ears made you an amazing listener.

He would melt as you cupped his cheeks in your hand.

He started to request you by name and if you were off on a day he came in, he would leave and come back when you were there.

You smelt sweet like cotton candy. And sometimes he would fall asleep. When that happened you wouldn't wake him up, instead allowing the session to run longer but always insisting that there was no need for him to pay for the additional time. After all, a hero needs rest, you would remind him.

He always made sure to leave you an extra good tip on those days.

On the days the two of you would lay down you always offered to give him back massage.

Sometimes the two of you would bicker over who could be the big spoon, but you always caved and let him curl around you. His face would be buried in your hair, nuzzling closer to your ears.

He asked you how you were always able to stay awake; you said it would be unprofessional to fall asleep at work.

Kirishima felt a pang in his chest. Reminded that this was just your job, all he really was to you was a client.

After that he started coming by less. You wanted to ask about it, had you done something wrong? But that also wouldn't be very professional.

Kirishima allowed himself to feel heartbroken. But he knew at the end of the day it wasn't your fault. And he couldn't cut you off cold turkey.

It was his next visit when things really started to change for him. He had almost forgotten that your job could be dangerous.

The door that used to provide you privacy during your sessions was replaced by a thick curtain.

"Someone attacked Ginny," you offered an explanation. "They jammed the door closed so now, no more doors."

The hero's mind immediately starting coming up with worst case scenario's for your line of work.

What is it has be you instead of Ginny? What if someone got too handsy with you? What if they didn't ask for permission before touching your ears - he knew that made you uncomfortable. Or Heaven forbid they try to tug at your tail.

"Why do you work here?" He asked nuzzling toward the crease between your thighs and tummy while the two of you settled on the couch."

"Living is expensive," you smiled. "I didn't really have much work experience after high school and I want to save up some money to go to college."

Kirishima felt bold. He wanted to protect you. He could provide for you and then you wouldn't need to work in such a dangerous job. It was the manly thing to do.

"If I left you a better tip could I be your only client."

It wasn't uncommon for men to proposition you. But there was something so innocent in voice that made you wish you take the conversation further.

"Silly Kiri," You teased him. "I don't think that's something my boss would go for."

He stuck out his tongue, "Well I don't like your boss."

You chuckled and changed the subject.

You genuinely enjoyed his sessions so you didn’t think much of it. He wasn't pushy and he likes to hear your opinions.

This time instead of trying to be the big spoon he pulled you to lay on top of him.

The way you wrapped your arms around his neck while laying on his chest made Kirishima feel like you were made for each other.

He kept his arms around your waist, resting his hands above your fluffy bunny tail.

When the time was up, Kirishima wanted to throw a tantrum. He would happily never move.

But he restrained himself. Instead he helped you to your feet and gave you a pat on the head. He stopped at the front desk to leave his usual generous tip.

That night he tossed and turned, hyper aware of how uncomfortable he was with out you in his arms. He questioned how he had been able to sleep these past few months.

He began to imagine what it would be like to share his bed with you. How much more relaxed he would be knowing you were safe because you were with him. You could finally sleep in his arms. Fluffy tail pressing against his dick. He knew how twitchy your tail and ears could occasionally get and thinking about that sensation pressed against him, teasing him, was enough to make him erect.

His mind began to fantasize about the rest of your body. You were so soft and curvy. You were almost always in sleep wear at work. Opting for cotton shorts and soft camisoles. Leaving just the right amount to his imagination.

He was always respectful of where his hands wandered during his visits. He never allowed his hands to explore the more intimate parts of your body. Of course, he cherished the feeling of squeezing you against his chest in a giant bear hug. Your breasts would push against his chest as he would lift you off the ground.

As he began to stroke himself he thought about how much smaller and softer your hands were than his. He wondered how they would look wrapped around his thick cock.

He would give your ears a gentle tug, careful not to cause you pain, directing your soft gaze up towards him.

To pin you down to his mattress and press his lips to yours. He would leave a trail of sweet love bites down your neck to your nipples.

You are such a perfect bunny. Not corrupted by the world, soft, and caring. He couldn't let you continue offering yourself to others. Not when he was ready to give you his life. You wouldn't want for anything. He would but you all the Nick Nacks you asked for. Whatever clothes, jewelry, or shoes you wanted.

Come to think of it, you were always barefoot at work, at most you wore a cozy pair of slippers. Kirishima thought it made you look cute, the other women who worked there always wore high heels, but not his bunny.

The thought of you in one of his shirts, a tiny pair of sleep shorts, barefoot and pregnant with his child was enough to push him into his climax.

Kirishima felt that he could finally sleep because he decided on the best plan of action. He was going to bring you home. And like a true man he would keep you safe and happy, the same holding true for the kids the two of you were sure to have.

[folkloreguk]

French Class [2]

A/N: I hope you all enjoy this part! I’m excited to put out more parts soon!

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), smut, oral (f receiving), car sex, dirty talk, college!au, nerd!reader, fuckboy!bias

words: 4.4 k

✽series masterlist✽

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added!): @lovely-ateez

“And then he asked me if I would wear his tie around my neck while he- Hello? Earth to Y/N? Are you there?” Your roommate, Chohee, waved her hand in front of your face from across the table. You had occupied the seats in the back of the Chinese restaurant, in a niche where you were mostly hidden from other customers. Turns out, for all the spicy stories she had in store – as always – that had been a great idea.

“I swear your thoughts have been all over the place lately. Are you sure you have nothing to talk about?” She twirled a strand of her dyed pink hair around her fingers while she mustered you suspiciously.

“I’m sorry, I zoned out. It’s nothing, I’m just tired. I’ve been studying day and night. Looks like you’re the only one with the stories today. Just start again from the part where he got the whipped cream from the fridge,” you said.

“We went over that part five minutes ago! Have you paid any attention?” Chohee shook her head with a grin. Then she began her bedroom-adventure story from the beginning, because she knew as well as you, she loved talking about it.

Truth was, you had one hell of a story to tell. And no, you had not been paying attention. Not because you were tired. Not because you had studying on your mind. But because one hundred percent of your focus was currently directed at the boy only a few tables from yours. You only saw the back of his head, but there was no doubt about his identity. The mop of hair was unmistakable. Plus, he was in his famous black leather jacket. There was no mistaking this piece of clothing. It was decorated with white splatters of acrylic paint and had his name written messily across the top of his back. You could just about make out the tips of the letters as he leaned back comfortably, legs spread on his chair, chatting to his friend.

Chohee had no idea about the grip the person behind her had on you. She was your closest friend, and yet you hadn’t broken the news to her: You were hooking up (and not just once) with the so-called “hottest guy on campus”. AT least those had been her words when she had first told you about him. Lately you had to admit, you were starting to agree. It wasn’t like you wanted to keep secrets from her. In fact, on many occasions you had almost crumbled and told her the full story. Had she not been such a chatterbox, and did she not love gossiping as much as she did, you swore she would already know about your little arrangement with him.

She was aware of this much: You and him were casual friends. Study buddies, one would say. You had subtly passed over the little details of your friendship. How grocery store visits sometimes turned into visits to his dorm because of a simple text of his, or how you had sneaked out on more than one occasion in the middle of the night because he had told you his dormmates weren’t home. It wasn’t weird to Chohee that you brushed over the particularities of your “one-night-stands” when you returned in the mornings. You had never been as big on sharing as she was.

Maybe you wanted to keep things to yourself out of fear what people would say, too. You couldn’t care less whether people knew you were sleeping around. But everyone knew him, or so it seemed. Girls wanted him. Boys wanted to be him. All you desired was his friendship and some fun. You had no interest in being known on campus or having people you’ve never met giving you the side-eye over having sex with an oh-so-special boy. One day you would tell Chohee all about it. You weren’t technically lying. Just not sharing the entire story.

“Remember how I said H/N was the hottest guy ever?” Chohee suddenly said. The sound of his name made your head snap back to reality.

“Oh, now you’re listening, I see. All it takes is for me to mention your new bestie,” she teased. “You shouldn’t get too attached to him. I have a feeling that girls are interchangeable to him, either way. Anyway, I’ve decided I find his friend Korain much more attractive, since I’ve been hooking up with him.”

Would it be weird to correct her? To promise her, when you had more time and weren’t so distracted, you would lay the truth on her? He isn’t like that at all, you wanted to say. Yes, he liked female attention. But that didn’t make him a bad guy. Would it sound crazed to explain how he knew how you took your coffee, and how he sent you pictures of your favorite animals before your exams to take some of the nerves away? Or how he reported that it took him exactly 1,012 steps to get to your dorm from his place? Multiple times you had tried to count the distance yourself, but you never seemed to have enough focus to make it. Something always caught you off guard. You had doubted his credibility, but he swore he wasn’t bluffing.

Speaking of his friend Korain – who was at this very Chinese restaurant with H/N – he was suddenly making eye contact with you. Before you could slide lower into your seat like a frightened animal, he had grinned at you. Oh no. Prompted by his friend’s smile in your direction, H/N now turned his head. You were thankful Chohee was still deep in her explanation on why she had changed her opinions on the two very boys only a few tables away. If only she knew.

H/N’s eyes caught yours and a smirk plastered on his face. You assumed the tiny smile you sent him would do, but no. The two young men had collected their things and were getting ready to leave. The exit was the opposite direction, and yet H/N took the long way there. His stride was that of a model as he approached your table.

“Y/N,” he said, voice sweet like sugar candy and his smile charming like famous artwork. “You wanna hang at the library later?”

Chohee was now eyeing him as if she was your bodyguard and he was an obsessed fan who had crossed into your personal space. All you could think of was how you wanted him as your dessert. Now. But you had an exam coming up in a few days. So, his invitation fit just right.

“I’ll be there.” You smiled politely. He gave you a raised eyebrow, but then nodded, said goodbye, spun around and followed his friend out of the restaurant. When you looked at Chohee, she was already giving you eyes that asked a billion questions at once. Fantastic. Now you’d have to explain that “hang at the library” was not some sort of codeword for sex, but you had – against all odds – convinced the local prince of fuckboys that studying wasn’t such an atrocious idea after all. But fate saved you before you could begin your clarification.

“Oh no! Where has the time gone? I have to get to my afternoon lecture!” Chohee exclaimed, quickly gathering her purse and jacket. “My professor will curse me if I’m late again!”

And with that, she scrambled up from the table. “Don’t think you’re getting off easy just because I have to go! I demand a good story when I get home!”

You knew she was just being dramatic, and should you decide to keep everything to yourself for another month, she wouldn’t be mad. And yet, the urge to tell her crept up on you as you watched her hurry out of the door while waving one last time. Your morning classes had been the only appointment in your calendar for the day. So, with nothing else to do, you fished for your phone to message him for a time to meet at the library.

~

“What were you being so weird for earlier?” he asked as he plopped down on the wooden chair across from you. His books slammed on the table, and you flinched a little. Boys.

“Thanks for reminding me why I chose to sit in the group project area today. Could you be any louder in a library?” you said. “And thank god we’re the only ones here.”

“Thanks for reminding me that you’re still great at avoiding questions,” he returned.

“I just didn’t want my friend to ask questions.”

“So you talked to me like a five year old would respond to their kindergarten teacher? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me? The guy with the reputation?”

“No, I’m not. Wait? What? And what kind of reputation would that be, if I may ask? The you-only-sleep-with-a-girl-once-reputation?”

“You should know the nastiest rumors mostly prove to be false. I was thinking of something more delightful. Like a gives-the-best-head-on-campus-kind of reputation.”

You snorted. “And who is going to do the research to prove that?”

“Why don’t you look around and report back to me?” he smirked.

“No thanks. I’m already hooking up with a guy who’s more than a handful.”

He faked taking offence in your words with a theatrical gasp. “Is that so? The girl I’m hooking up with isn’t much better. Always asks to hang at the library like she doesn’t beg me to fuck her the second we get out of there.”

“Let me remind you that you were the one who suggested this place today,” you said. “I was ready to jump into your bed and you had to stall time like this.”

“Are you for real? What are we still doing here, then?” he asked, and you tilted your head with a suggestive grin that mirrored his.

15 minutes later:

“Who the fuck stores five umbrellas in their car?” You kicked another one off the backseat you were lying on. Your bra was exposed beneath your shirt which he had pushed up on your chest and was now attacking the exposed skin with hungry kisses.

“That’s what you get for not getting it on in the library,” he muttered against your skin without looking up.

“We’d be asking to get suspended from there by doing that,” you said. “And I cherish my library very much.”

He only made a snickering noise and shook his head before he went to take off his shirt – and promptly hit his head on the car roof. “Ow! This sucks. I can barely move.”

“That’s what you get for not waiting until we’re at your place,” you teased him with his own words. But judging by the prominent bulge in his pants, you supposed you didn’t want him driving anywhere. Not with naughty things on his mind, and with you next to him to only make him hornier. Your eyes fell on the dark purple spots on his abdomen, and you grinned.

“Wow. Someone must have worked hard to make that stomach even prettier,” you said.

“Yeah, you would know all about that, wouldn’t you?” He bent down to your ear and his husky tone sent cold shivers up your spine. Of course, you knew. You were the one who bit and sucked the hickeys into his skin two days ago, after all. His hands palming your boobs through your bra drew out a desperate sigh from you.

“Let’s play a game. What do you say?” he asked.

“What kind of game would that be?” Your interest was roused. He was lost in thought for a moment, hands slowly running up and down your exposed legs. Luckily, you had opted for a skirt today. All he’d had to do was to push it up to your belly and get rid of your underwear after your short but very steamy make-out session on the backseat. The cool air on your exposed core was only magnifying your impatience.

“Whoever comes first, loses.” You couldn’t suppress a chuckle at his idea, and he eyed you with indignation. “You don’t like it?”

“Everyone knows women take longer to orgasm than men do,” you said. “Are you trying to dig your own grave or what?”

“That’s why I’ll have a head start,” he announced. His hands circled the skin close to your core, creeping up your thighs slowly.

“And what’s the prize for winning?”

“The loser owes the winner a favor.”

“Too vague. I don’t trust you with that.”

“I don’t trust you, she says as she waits for me to fuck her in my car,” he mocked.

“I don’t trust your crazy ideas,” you clarified. “What about this? The winner pays for the loser’s next meal when we eat together.”

“Deal.” He slid his fingers over your pussy, and you crumbled into a whining mess within seconds. No matter how much your head denied it, he really was the best. He caught your clit between his digits and your eyes rolled to the back of your head for a moment.

“Shit, you only turn me on more if you’re going to moan like that.” He lowered his head and spit on your center, and the laughter that had been bubbling in your throat died in an instant. His fingers rubbed your nub fast and spread his saliva – without doubt his attempt at tipping you closer to the edge before he had even begun to fuck you.

“Too bad you find me so hot,” you said, and let out a purposely dramatic whimper, followed by his name in your best fake-porn-voice. His smile had something wholesome, as if he was admiring his friend making silly jokes, but also a glint of playfulness. You knew had been a mask when he bit his lip and exhaled slowly. With ease, he slid his middle finger into you. As he curled it against your sweet spot, he bent down to suck on your clit and your back arched at the sudden pleasure.

“Too bad you’re going to lose,” he said, and then continued his antics. Had he continued this way for another few minutes, his words wouldn’t have been so far from the truth. But you had other plans.

“Are you going to fuck me now?” you asked. “That’s enough of your head start.”

“I only just tasted you. Why would it be called a head start, if you’re going to stop me two minutes into giving you head?” he asked and you would’ve slapped his shoulder, had he been close enough. Instead, you closed your eyes for a few seconds. He was the competitive one here, and you didn’t mind enjoying yourself for now. Sighing in temporary defeat, your head fell back onto the seat. The sun was shining its last rays through the car window. They caught in his curled eyelashes and on his skin, coloring him golden.

“That’s a good girl,” he said, arm snaking around your thigh. He held on to you, but it wasn’t as if you could have moved away from him. Your head was right by the car door. His lips around your clit paired with his finger steadily rubbing against your sweet spot inside of you made you feel like floating. His free hand touched your leg gently, caressing your skin as if he wasn’t also simultaneously pushing you to the urge to yell out his name in pleasure. You tangled your fingers in his soft hair, as if you needed to do so to keep him in place. But something in the back of your mind still had a desire for winning. Trying to collect the last bits of your dwindling sanity, you hatched a plan. Good on you – you knew just what rode him into madness.

“I- I need you to fuck me, please,” you begged, making sure to add an extra layer of tragedy to your voice. “Please, I want it so bad.”

He looked up at you, a dark glint in his eyes. Of course, he did. All was going according to plan. It wasn’t like you had known him all your life, but you were perfectly aware of one thing. He could never resist your dirty talking and begging.

“Please?” you bat your eyelashes ever so longingly at him.

“Is that so?” He was now straightening up. His black pupils were dilated, and he was looking at you with the expectation of a loyal puppy waiting for his treat. You grabbed the front hem of his pants and pulled him towards you. In a moment, you had unzipped the material for him.

“I want you to fuck me like you did the first time we met. At the party,” you said. “Do you ever think about it, too?”

“Fuck, of course I do,” he said. Faster than you could register, he was ripping a condom wrapper and sliding it onto his free length. His cock stood angry and hard against his stomach. Perhaps your dramatic words weren’t so far-fetched. You couldn’t wait for him.

“Then do it, please,” you said. “Right now, this pussy is all yours. Use it the way it should be used.”

He muttered a swear under his breath and you knew he was in the palm of your hand. His hot breath fanned your neck as he bent over you, cock aligned with your exposed core. For a moment his length slid through your wetness, and he groaned at the warmth that was about to engulf him.

“I’m so fucking wet,” you moaned. “And all for you.”

You would have been lying if you said you weren’t enjoying the exaggerated show you were putting on for him as much as he did. Although, you weren’t sure whether you were allowed to call it exaggeration, at all. Your walls clenched around nothing as the tip of his cock touched your juices and he eyed you like he could’ve eaten you up right then and there.

When he finally entered you, he instantly sighed. His eyes were shut tightly as he dealt with the impact of feeling you around his shaft. A small spark of triumph went through you. That was, until he pushed your legs up and snapped his hips against yours. A sharp, sudden burst of pleasure shot through you and the coil in your stomach tightened all at once. You suspected your plan was backfiring slightly. Your words not only appealed to him and his famished mind and body. They also got to your head, and there you were, barely able to contain yourself under a load of blind hunger.

“You want me to fuck you senseless, huh?” he asked. His words went straight to your core. Nonetheless, you had a goal to work towards and you weren’t set on giving up.

“Yes, oh my god,” you whimpered. “That’s all I’m asking for. Please, I know you can. You always fuck me so well.”

In response, he rammed his body into yours so abruptly, you gave off a noise of surprise and pleasure at the same time. He bent his upper body over yours to support himself. His hands lay flat on the seat on both sides of your head. His thrusts made your legs shake now and then, when his cock hit that one spot inside of you. It was causing you to see entire galaxies on the inside of your eyelids. When you blinked up at him, the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon. Darkness had always suit him better than the golden sunset, either way. The muscles in his arms flexed and his eyebrows furrowed, and for a moment you called victory yours. But you couldn’t be sure for longer than a moment.

Because from one second to another he straightened up and slowed his thrusts. The gradualness had something equally as striking. He dragged his cock through your scarlet walls and his fingers found your clit. You drew out a ragged breath and cursed him for regaining the upper hand. Yet, you quickly abandoned the thought of defeat. When you allowed yourself to feel the pleasure, every last thought vanished at last. You moaned and whimpered helplessly. Without overthinking, you wrapped your hand around his wrist. He shot you a confused smirk.

“Too much, baby?” he said. “Think you won’t be able to handle it? A shame. It would really be too bad if you lost. You were doing so well up to now.”

You swallowed, hard. His patronizing voice tugged at your nerves and yet you loved when he spoke to you this way during sex. And he was aware of it – hence his knowing grin.

“Don’t stop moving,” you asked him to keep up his thrusts. “It’s not fair, otherwise.”

“Oh no. I would never dare break the rules,” he said.

He did as you said, and it only made things more mind-consuming for you. You were again reminded of the small tornado raging in the pit of your belly, threatening to consume you all over. It was only a matter of time. But what he could do, you could do better.

“Do you like fucking me in my skirt?” you taunted him, blinking ever so sweetly. Your eyes were dripping honey as you put on your most innocent gaze. “Am I pretty like this?”

“You’re the prettiest,” he muttered, biting his lip as if he was stopping a thousand moans from spilling out. “So. Fucking. Hot.”

“If I wear this skirt to class tomorrow, and you see me in the halls, will you think of this moment?” you asked. His fingers on your clit were shaky and moving unevenly. You might have been digging your own grave along with his. You didn’t care. Too many lectures you had wasted, barely able to concentrate because of the boy on top of you.

“Definitely. You weren’t wearing that earlier, at the restaurant,” he said. You wondered how many people had ever seen him this way – utterly breathless, all his cool vaporizing at once.

“Good observation,” you said, but you were struggling with your words as much as he was unable to keep calm. What was meant to sound lazy and seductive had morphed into a whimper and small sighs. “I wasn’t. I- I put it on just for you.”

He cursed again and abandoned all his remaining self-control. His grip on you was iron-tight and you clenched your fists. Oh, how you wished you could have buried your head into a pillow, or better even, the crook of a neck. Instead, you moaned his name almost soundlessly and searched for his dark eyes.

“Say my name again,” he demanded, like it was his last request on earth. So, you obeyed, only because you would have done anything for him right now, if it meant that he would keep fucking you that way.

“Oh my- my god,” you moaned. “Please don’t stop, fuck-“

“You look so hot right now, baby,” he groaned. “Shit- I could come just looking at you.”

“Then do it,” you said. Challengingly, you both smirked at each other. It lasted only the blink of an eye. You felt your insides twist before you could have prevented it. And all of a sudden, you crashed. Your intense orgasm erupted, and it took you several seconds to realize it, but then you heard it. His high-pitched moans, quiet and curse-stricken, could only mean one thing. You weren’t the only one, and therefore not the first to reach your high. A content smile spread on your face as his messy thrusts went on for a short while and you bathed in the remaining moments of bliss.

Silence set in as you both kept still to catch your breaths. You worried he would pin the loss on you, nonetheless, and inwardly braced yourself for his accusations. But to your surprise, he only laughed and collapsed on top of you. His breath tickled your neck slightly.

“We’ll be splitting the bill, I suppose?” he said. He straightened up to look you in the eyes playfully.

“Looks like it,” you said. You guessed his fighting spirit had been appeased and his energy had been spent on better things than arguing with you. You never minded it.

~

“Did you have a nice study session? Does the library lady assume you’re homeless and actually living there, yet?” Chohee teased as you entered your shared kitchen. She was typing on her phone but looked up when you only laughed.

“Is that a hickey?” she asked, and you knew you were done for. “What exactly is it you were studying? H/N’s body?”

“I guess I should tell you. Sooner or later, you’ll know,” you relented.

“Tell me what? Oh my god. Are you guys dating? Are you dating H/N?”

“No! You know I have no time for a boyfriend,” you said. “But…we’ve been hooking up.”

“Damn girl,” she said. “What do you have on him that he keeps coming back?”

“Excuse me? Am I really that boring of a company?”

“No. You’re the best company I could ever ask for, obviously,” she said, smiling at you. “But you remember his reputation. He sleeps with the same girl only once.”

“It’s just a stupid rumor,” you said. “Besides, we’re not just hooking up. He’s my friend. You already knew that.”

“Friend, huh?” Chohee asked. “Alright. So, you’re telling me he can hang out with you without trying to get it on?”

“He can, actually. And let me tell you, he’s cool. And pretty funny, too,” you said. She raised her eyebrows at you. “We’ve set some rules. We hook up, but also hang out as friends. Neither is allowed to be upset when the other turns down sex. We can both hook up with anyone else, still. No jealousy, no attachments. Just a good time.”

“Alright,” Chohee nodded. “If you’re so close, do you think you could introduce me to some of his friends sometime?”

You laughed, nodding. Chohee and H/N had quite some things in common, you realized then. Maybe that’s why you liked the two of them so much.

“Let’s see how long that lasts, then. Don’t wrap him too tightly around your finger, or he might trip and fall,” she winked. It was your turn to raise your eyebrow. Whatever she might have been insinuating – you had zero plans of making it reality. (Yet.)

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Hey darling ❤️ love your writing 3000 :) can u do one with Bucky x reader (they’re together) where he overhears the reader on the phone with her parents that are emotionally & verbally abusive towards her (they always have been) and the reader has to explain it all to him afterwards even tho she’s having a panic attack (bc she’s afraid bucky will leave her since she has no one else to go to ??) and bucky comforts her and reassures her that he’s gonna be there for her and like comfort fluff? I live in an emotionally abusive and manipulative household rn and I tell you your fics are like an escape for me. Even if u don’t do this thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

Hey there, I love you 3000 ❤ I am so so sorry to hear about your situation, and while I'm glad to hear that my writing is an escape for you, I want you to know that I'm here for you. No one should have to go through what you described. I hope that this can bring you some comfort but please, I encourage you to reach out to someone who can help you. My DM's are open as well, you shouldn't face this alone. I'm here for you!!!

You owe them nothing

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3200 (ish)

Warnings: emotional abuse/gaslighting, manipulation, parent issues, tears, angst, breakdown, fluff.

---------

You really tried to keep it hidden. It wasn’t something that everyone needed to know about.

Your parents loved you, at least that’s what they had said. But it was one of those things where you felt like it was for show - the kindness that they showed when you were around others faded away once you were alone with them.

You remember once they had said “of course I love you, I’m your parent!”

But that made you wonder how they would treat you if you weren’t theirs.

They were horrible to you for as long as you could remember. Gaslighting you and making you feel like you owed them something even though they were the ones who should have taken care of you.

They were around but never…there. They would be there for family dinners but they were always riddled with criticisms of grades and who you were talking to and how you dressed. All of your hobbies were seen as a waste of time, something you should only do when you had nothing else to do. School came first, naturally, but there was always something they told you you had to do before you could do anything for yourself.

Yet when you would complain about being depressed, they told you to get a hobby because you never do anything.

Tired meant lazy, energetic and passionate meant loud and annoying. When you were quiet they thought you had nothing to say, yet when you expressed your opinions you were told to shut up.

You couldn’t win.

You could never make them happy, there was always something you were doing wrong.

They thought it was their right to monitor who you talked to and saw, what you did outside of school, what sports you could join. When you would say no to the school dances or parties you would make up an excuse about not wanting to go or having work to do. Your friends would call you a buzz kill. Little did they know you would give anything to go.

Whenever you would do something wrong (or anything, period,), your parents would yell at you. They would curse you out, make you cry, only to yell at you for crying like a little bitch.

The older you got, the worse it was.

You thought when you moved out it would be better. But you had all these years of being told you were worthless and having them be your providers. When you got your own place you didn’t really have any friends, nor did you really know how to make friends. You had a job to help you get by, you could support yourself. That wasn’t the issue. You could support yourself, you always had to.

It was that you were so lonely.

You wanted friends but you were so afraid of the criticism you would get. You were afraid to make yourself known, because you were always taught that being told what to do and taught what to think was much more appealing than having your opinion.

But this was an opinionated world.

You were good at what you did, so good that you had gotten a job at S.H.I.E.L.D. You thought that would make you happy, more importantly that it would make your parents happy, but no such luck.

“I got a really great job, guys.”

“Fantastic. I guess you’re just doing so great without us,” they had snapped.

“What? I mean… this is what you wanted right? For me to get a good job?” you had said, confused.

You heard a loud sigh on the other end of the line. “Of course we do, what are you crazy about? Of course we wanted you to get a good job but you just deserted us like we were trash. Have we done nothing for you?”

You felt your heart sink in your stomach. ‘Of course you guys have, I love -”

“Don’t say what you don’t mean. If you really cared about us you’d be helping us out. You got a great job and probably have a huge paycheck that you hoard and you left us here to struggle to make ends meet.”

You took the phone away from your face temporarily to take a shaky breath. Of course they would go there with the salary, why wouldn’t they? All of your paychecks had gone to them, since it was their house and they were feeding you, leaving you with barely enough money for your car and gas and phone bills, only for them to suggest longer hours when you complained.

“I can help you guys out if you need,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

You heard an exasperated sigh on the other line again. “You really should be more grateful, you know? We raised you your entire life and then you leave us alone? You never even call us? You’re so fucking selfish.”

Then the line went dead.

You shook your head and felt tears in your eyes as you spoke to yourself. “Well maybe I would call you if it didn’t always yell at me.”

Of course, you would never say that.

See, it wasn’t so bad. You never said anything because they were only ever mean to you, which would make you uncomfortable. There were people out there that would get hit or who would have to raise themselves from a young age. Once you grew thick skin it wasn’t so bad, you were just being dramatic.

Right?

Your new job was fairly successful, you were fantastic at what you did. You did a lot of behind the scenes work, weapon repair and plans of action with missions. Not that they needed much help with that. Still, they took you in as their friends.

Well, as close as you would let them get to as friends.

It took a while before you warmed up to them. Everyone tended to keep to themselves, but not as much as you. You kept the parts of you hidden away - you were there for a job, you did it, and you did it well. You knew how to do your job but interacting with the team, making friends - you didn’t want to get emotionally attached.

Not like you knew how to make friends to begin with.

Naturally you were drawn to the quieter side of the team, once you were able to open up. They were all nice but sometimes the parties and the jokes were a bit much. You just didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing that would make you the punchline.

No one needed to know about you, or how you would spend your free time being yelled at through a phone with you trying to make it better. That wasn’t part of the job, so you shouldn’t bring it up.

It wasn’t like anyone would want to help. You were just a nuisance to everyone around you.

Right?

No one talked about their life before the team much. Not many people on the team had a great life before the Avengers first came together. Natasha or Wanda had once spoken about how this team was a family. And as much as you wanted to believe it, you helped the team. You weren’t a part of the team. So even if that were true, it didn’t include you.

At least, that was your point of view.

The team viewed you as a part of the team as much as any of them. You didn’t fight with them but you made sure everything would go as smoothly. You were kind and great at what you did, but they wished you would open up more. Of course, being a team of people who had trouble opening up, they understood.

Bucky was one of the ones who took a liking to you, mostly because he saw a lot of himself in you. He could tell there was something that you were trying to get past but weren’t quite able to yet. That there was something bothering but you wouldn’t dare say it for fear of bothering someone. You threw yourself into projects and distractions and from the way you carried yourself, he guessed you were avoiding something that you weren’t ready to work through. At least, not yet.

He knew that feeling too well.

The ex-assassin was one of the easiest for you to open up to because he didn’t expect much from interactions. Both of you were quiet and kept to yourselves that there wasn’t much pressure to share anything or say anything. You knew his past but would never bring it up unless he wanted to. Which eventually, he did. You could tell he felt pressure to be who he was before HYDRA took him, and while Steve was surprised he opened up to you first, you weren’t. Steve knew Bucky before everything, and you didn’t have that bias. He was whoever he was today regardless of who he was yesterday.

And Bucky found comfort in that.

You think you would’ve too, if you thought you deserved it enough to do the same.

See, you were worried that you were making everything worse than it really was. You worried that maybe you were being too sensitive or that what you had grown up with was normal. With everything that everyone on the team went through, a few insults from your parents was hardly anything. You were being dramatic.

There was nothing to be sad or angry about. You just had to get over yourself.

Right?

You were getting by until one night when your parents called, as they did on occasion. You were in the middle of working, so you ignored it. The phone went to voicemail before it started ringing again, and you ignored it, again. The third time you sighed and picked up your phone, turning away from your work.

You took a deep breath before you answered. “Hello?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

You closed your eyes and brought a hand to rub your head. “Well I’m doing fine, thank you, how are you?”

“Don’t give me that attitude. What the fuck are you doing? You’ve been ignoring our calls.”

You stood up to pace the floor slightly, dreading the conversation that was coming. Is it the ‘family is most important’ or the ‘where’s my money?’ speech today? “I’ve been working.”

“What, so work is more important than family now? Is that what this is? You don’t care about us?”

Family speech it is.

“Dad -”

“What if one of us was dying? Huh? Would that be important?”

“Stop it. No one is dying, and I was working. And I have more work to do, so I really have to go.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, I’m your father.”

Gaining confidence you gritted your teeth and snapped, “You know what? I’m an adult now so you can’t tell me what to do.”

There was silence on the other end of the line and you could practically hear the steam coming out of your father’s ears.

At some point Bucky had come down to your working space to check on you, seeing as it was nearly morning. He stopped in the doorway, and seeing you were busy on the phone he thought he would stop by later to give you some privacy. But he stopped when he heard you snap.

You never snap.

“Who do you think you’re talking to you ungrateful little bitch?”

“I’m talking to the people who treated me like shit my entire life and ask me for money when you wouldn’t give me the time of day for 18 fucking years.”

Even you couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. But god did it feel good to say them.

“Are you fucking serious right now? We did nothing for you? What do you think we’ve been doing your whole life? We’ve done everything we did to help you be the best person you could be. You have that job now because of us and you have no right to speak to me that way.”

You chuckled darkly as you looked up at the ceiling, unaware of Bucky’s presence behind you. “My entire life all I’ve ever wanted to do was make you guys proud of me. But you know what? I’m fucking done. You hated me, gaslighted me, and made me hate myself almost as much if not more than you seemed to hate me.”

“I did no such thing you ungrateful -”

“You were supposed to love me and care for me, and all you did was take advantage of me. I’m not your child, I’m a paycheck. I don’t owe you anything because you gave me nothing. So you know what? FUCK. YOU.”

You hung up the phone and tossed it across the room, adrenaline taking over your body as you tried to stop shaking. Because a small part of you felt bad.

But fuck did that feel amazing.

You heard a throat clear behind you and you turned around to see Bucky, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“You okay?”

You nodded nervously, rubbing the sides of your arms. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you said, unconvincingly. “How much, uh...how much did you -

“Enough,” he said, pushing himself off of the door frame as he crossed over to you. “Who was that?”

“Bucky, don’t, it’s really fine. I just got a little worked up.”

“Y/n,” he started, looking at you with concern. “Who were you talking to?”

“No one.”

“You don’t get upset like that at no one,” he took your hands in his. “Y/n, you're shaking.”

It was then that you realized your hands were still shaking, trying to keep the anxiety of what happened at bay.

It’s going to be so much worse now.

I can never talk to them again.

Is that a good thing? Didn’t I want that?

Bucky could sense you getting lost in your head. “Sweetheart, tell me what happened, please. I want to help you.”

You pulled your hands away from his and crossed your arms. “You can’t help me because there’s nothing wrong, okay? I handled it, it’s over. Done. nothing to worry about.”

“Y/n -”

“No really, there’s nothing you can do, okay?”

“Will you at least let me try?”

You looked at him, adrenaline starting to drain from your system. This was Bucky, your Bucky, who had never done anything but love and support you. He had never done anything to hurt you.

But what if he left you too?

You took in a sharp breath and curled in on yourself, a scared look on your face. Bucky crossed back over to you, seeing a scared look on your face.

“Hey, hey, y/n? Can you look at me?”

You brought your eyes up to meet his, feeling your chest constricting as you tried to keep your breathing even. It wasn’t working.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t… I’m fine really I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

“Hey, it’s alright, it’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for,” he pulled you in for a hug and kissed the top of your head. “Let’s go sit down, okay?’

He led you over to your bed and you leaned forward, hands on your knees and head in your hands. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s happening, this - I’m sorry, it’s so stupid, I’m so stupid.”

Bucky rubbed a hand up and down your back, hushing you. “It’s not stupid. If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.” Bucky took a small breath. “Do you remember all of those times after nightmares and all those panic attacks you would walk me through? How I thought I was being stupid?”

“You weren’t being stupid”

“And neither are you.”

You took some more shaky breaths as tears kept falling down your face. “You’re okay. It’s alright, I’m right here.”

Bucky let you calm down, knowing you would talk about it if you wanted to. He wanted you to talk about it so he could help you (and hurt whoever upset you) but he wouldn’t force you into telling him anything you didn’t want to.

The two of you sat in the silence, Bucky looking at you with soft eyes as you kept your face hidden.

“I haven’t told you a goddamn thing about me. You ever wonder why?”

You looked over at Bucky, eyebrows creased with slight confusion.

“They said blood was supposed to be thicker than water. That family comes first, right? I spent my whole life listening to them and following them and being the perfect kid. I made myself into everything they wanted me to be. And it still wasn’t enough for them.”

Bucky tilted his head slightly. He hadn’t known his parents much before they died but he had always wanted to have more time. But he wasn’t oblivious to the fact that not everyone had good parents.

“You know, I remember thinking that once I made it they would be happy. That if I worked hard enough or went onto do great things that they would be proud of me. That’s all I ever wanted, you know?” you said, voice wavering as you let out a bitter laugh. “But it’s not, you know? Never is, never was, never will be. All they do is take and take and no matter how good I am they’re always gonna hate me because I can’t be perfect.”

“No one’s perfect, y/n.”

“Well that’s what they want me to be. I know I can’t be perfect so I know they’ll never be happy. That they’ll call me ungrateful and selfish for succeeding and for leaving them when they never wanted me to be there to begin with.” You felt tears spill over as you wiped them away. “And I’m ust so fucking done with being a disappointment to them and to everyone else.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I don’t know,” you said softly, not really wanting to be more vulnerable.

Bucky, sensing this was a time he could push you, challenged you. “I think you do.”

You shook your head. “I didn’t want anyone to see me the way they did. I thought what they said wasn’t true but...I just thought that maybe I was overreacting. Other people have it worse you know - some people have no parents or some have it so much worse. Mine just yell at me you know? Tell me everything’s my fault and that they wish they’d never had me. That I’m ungrateful for not being with them and that I owe them. I just...I heard that for the first 18 years of my life. I didn’t need any more of it.”

“y/n, that’s…” he swallowed, trying to contain his anger. “That’s not normal. No one should have to go through that. You can’t possibly think you're a bad person.”

Your shrug was enough to tell him that you did.

“Y/n, I don’t know who your parents think they are but you don’t owe them a damn thing. You may be related to them but you have no obligation to love your parents if they treat you like that. You have every right to be angry or to hate them. It doesn’t make you a bad person to be angry with someone who hurt you.”

“But they’re my family.”

“Well they didn’t treat you like it. You have us now, you don’t need them anymore. We’re your family. And we’re not gonna leave you.”

“They didn’t leave me Bucky, I left them.”

“You can’t leave someone who was never there for you.”

----------

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[gemma-collins-ily]

Hi, sorry to bother you but could I request a possessive/jealous kaz x female reader please? If you do it and it's not a bother please tag me in it

Keep You Smiling

Kaz Brekker X Reader

a/n - ooh, bit of angst, bit of fluff! Not sure yet if this will be headcanons or not!

Warnings: jealousy, flirting and generally horrible people I guess.

Tagged: @mrs-brekker15 @melody13522

The Bastard of the Barrel had lost everything he ever owned and built up an empire from the ashes.

The only thing he had was you and the Crows.

He may have acted as though he detested them but he did truly care for them. He just had an extraordinarily disconnected way of showing it and little to no tolerance of Jesper's antics.

So naturally, when you got together, he was especially overprotective and possessive. It was partly to make up for the lack of physical touch in your relationship, to show he did truly care and mainly because he couldn't help it.

Kaz often found himself surprised at the urge to bring you close and wrap an arm around your waist when he was jealous. He wasn't sure if it was because he wanted to gloat that you were his without saying it, if he felt the need to protect you or to just have a reason. A reason to touch.

Because, the truth was, Kaz always had the desire to pull you into his side or reach out to you. However, he would never give in to those thoughts.

Because he couldn't give you false hope.

Hope for a future in which he could be normal. Take your hand without shuddering, care for you with touch naturally and cup your cheek without being repulsed.

He wanted to connect: the only thing was, Kaz was so certain he would flinch and compare you to that of his past.

He was also so stiff - he didn't flirt and if he attempted to it ended quite badly for both parties involved.

Subsequently, when Kaz saw someone else flirt with you and do something he knew he couldn't, he would step in.

Unless it was Jesper. Because the root of his jealousy came from distrust, not of you, but of the person you were having a conversation with.

And he did trust Jesper. Plus the sharpshooter knew he shouldn't mess with you, even if he didn't, he would never. The reason he wouldn't was that you were the one for Kaz and Jesper had the opinion that Kaz deserved you after all he'd been through.

Inej and Nina also shared that very strong opinion and if someone disagreed, they would probably attack them brutally.

And it was a very real possibility they would collectively murder them brutally too.

They saw the way he looked at you, even before you were together and they identified it as the same look Matthias gave Nina or Jesper gave Wylan.

It was love.

Kaz's eyes always held such adoration and wonder when he saw you. The adoration, simply because you put up with his moods or rages, you barely shed a tear when he took his lashed out at you.

In fact, you stood up for yourself. Made him realise he was in the wrong.

The wonder was because you were so innocent, sometimes child-like and it wasn't just a show. He remembered when he had been bewildered and slightly concerned for your mental well-being several times.

His lips lifted just thinking of it.

Kaz came downstairs to see what the cacophony of noise and giggles was about. He stopped his descent on the stairs after he saw you and Nina pulling on wellies at the bottom.

"You know one fantastic thing about fuzzy socks?"

Jesper shook his head and asked you what you meant with a twinkle in his eyes.

"You can slide along floors with them!"

Halfway through your sentence, you had erupted into laughter again and by the end, you were almost rolling around on the floor. It was as though you had told the funniest joke known to man and the others joined in, seeing you with such mirth lifting their spirits further.

You rotated on your heel as you stood to see him standing, seemingly completely unsure of if you were mad. You giggled again.

"Where are you going?"

"Outside, duh."

"It's raining and freezing, don't be so idiotic." He was trying to keep the concern out of his voice and act as though he couldn't care less what you did.

"Uh huh, sure, but I won't be cold if..."

You trailed off as you made grabby hands at his coat and he sighed deeply. He removed it and tossed it your way, making sure to hit you slightly in the arm with it, where he knew it wouldn't really hurt.

The others gaped in confusion but you only skipped through the door, into the rain outside.

Wylan was the first to get over his shock and smiled at Kaz. In return he received a scowl but he knew it was better than an emotionless expression. It meant he was having to repress a grin, or smirk at least.

The Crows followed you out of the door, while Jesper had to be dragged along by his boyfriend, who was mumbling about how overdramatic the sharpshooter could be.

A minute later, he looked outside to see you jumping in puddles and having splash fights, running your fingertips through the water and flicking them towards others.

Kaz opened the door and stuck his head out into the rain.

"(Y/N)," he yelled and carried on when he had your attention, "Pop the coat collar up, would you? If you're going to be stupid, try not to catch a cold!"

You smiled at his concealed concern and saluted, shouting a quick, "Will do! Sir, yes Sir!" just as an army soldier would.

He ducked inside and leant against the wall as he felt his lips quirking upwards. The door blew shut with the wind and he returned to the window to observe the blissful, innocent joy that looked so beautiful painted on your features.

An example of one of the times he would invite himself to the conversation, happened as you chatted away with the bartender of the evening.

She was pretty and multitasking, cleaning glasses as she talked with you, slipping in small compliments here and there.

The thing was, you were completely oblivious to when others would throw a flirtatious remark your way. You never even thought they were doing anything except being friendly.

Kaz had realised this in the past after he had observed you deflect compliments for your eyes, smile and hair, returning the admiration.

You only wanted to make the gloomy citizens of Ketterdam have brighter days by making them feel good about themselves and you weren't trying to flirt back - only be kind.

Kaz noticed the sparkle in the girl's eyes, the slight malicious glint that revealed her intentions. He stood, grunting as he took his first step after sitting for so long and marched over.

He then took things into his own hands. He greeted her in a clearly false tone, one that mirrored how close he was to snapping. The server gulped and he smirked as she looked down.

"Hiya Kaz, we were just having a nice talk. Did you know, she thinks my hair is lovely long?"

Once more, you were not trying to flatter yourself, only telling him of what had been said.

The woman almost lurched over the bar counter to get you to hush but he had heard enough.

"Oh did she now?"

He moved his burning stare to the woman and said tauntingly, "I do agree, that my girlfriend's hair is, in fact, stunning. Now, why don't you go and serve that pigeon that looks so inviting waiting for his drink."

She opened her mouth and his voice didn't even try to cloak his loathing of her as he snarled.

"Go and do what you were paid to do."

She scurried off and your face dropped. He had been trying to be polite, knowing you had no clue of her pursuance of you. Now you had recognised the poisonous animosity in his speech, you realised she had only wanted to have a quick fling.

Kaz noticed how your shoulders slumped and the prickling of guilt started to poke at his heart. He nudged your foot with his cane and you looked up to him, your eyes swimming with unshed tears.

He walked up the stairs to his office and once you had entered behind him, he closed the door gently.

"I thought she just wanted to be friends."

You were so upset because you yearned to have someone other than the Crows, who wasn't just trying to get in your pants, to strike up a conversation with.

"I know love. One day you'll find someone who will adore you as a friend."

Your gaze was still cast downward and it was obvious you did not believe him.

"Hey, hey, look at me. Jesper loves being your friend, so do Inej and Nina. If they exist, others like them must too."

He was making sure to lock eyes with you, letting you know he was absolutely sincere and you nodded, wiped your tears and squared your shoulders.

"There she is." he said gently.

Then suddenly, you remembered how he had shifted a little before you downstairs. Maybe it was to protect you or maybe, just maybe, he had been jealous. You laughed at the thought.

"What?"

"Were you... Jealous?"

He stuttered through his next unintelligible phrase then said in return, "Who wouldn't want to keep you to themselves?"

You flushed and he smiled.

"I'm glad you're giggling again."

He was teasing you, however there was an underlying note of sincerity lining his words.

He would keep protecting you and he would keep you smiling.