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cirillafionaelenriannon · 2 years ago

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how are we all living in todays diet culture...literally unachievable beauty and body ideals. me being told by a doctor at 16 that i have pcos and ill have to diet my whole life if i dont want to gain weight. and that dieting means giving up half the foods i love so much (bread) cutting out all sugar, and eating plain boring vegetables. and then theres people saying oh but dieting doesnt mean eating boring food! like actually it does when u have pcos and the recommended diet is fucking keto.

#text #and you have to eliminate FRUIT!?!?\#ND FUCKING POTATOES.#and heres a good snack: a pile of nuts #just like what i give 2 ur mum every night. man fuck my life fr #im the first woman in my family to get diagnosed w pcos AND LIKE IT WOULD BE MEEEE WOULDNT ITTT #when ive wanted kids my whole life..i would get cursed w PCOS and insulin resistance #i cant wait for when i get diagnosed w diabetes in like my freaking 30s because right pcos and diabetes are linked #and its already in my family #then what else bitch heart disease. i hope i kill myself before my body can kill me #sorry but the idea of having to constantly watch my eating my whole life #and knowing if i eat something with sugar in it im going to put myself at risk for these diseases #and that everyone else around me can eat what they want without that risk but i have to suffer the consequences #like its not even just that i want to lose a little weight its that if i dont lose weight and if i dont maintain it #and if i dont constantly watch what i eat and if i dont diet and restrict and fast And suffer miserably foreverr and #cry everytime i eat something i shouldnt then i could get a disease and die early #me when i have health anxiety me when the Eating disorder living in the back of my mind for the past 7 years finally creeps out #like hey girl.

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phantom-palace · 17 days ago

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sitting here… mute as fuck..

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dapper-lil-arts · 5 months ago

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If Applejack had whatsapp 🤣🤣🤣

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inkskinned · 1 month ago

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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."