#like god forbid a guy is responsible and funny right?

[bootyliciousbeta]

Can someone take Christian's phone away cos he's been spamming me with voice notes of him drunk and saying shit about me putting more effort into being a comedian online than a good pack beta and it's hitting too close to home :(

[fifthnailinstevesbat]

after the events of season 4, steve just wanting SO BADLY to be friends with eddie. just LOVING the idea of them getting closer and having eddie as a friend because hell yeah! a close male friendship with someone that is actually my age, and who i don’t have a weird history with involving bruised eyes and love triangles? count me IN! and eddie is FUN, he is actually hilarious! the way they share the same glances of understanding when dustin is being an absolute shit head, rambling on and on about some obscure topic, expecting everyone to always be on the exact same page as him. of course. and, although steve suspects that eddie actually probably is keeping up with everything dustin says, much better than he ever could, he knows that above it all eddie can appreciate the antics for what they are, and roll his eyes with steve at dustin, i concur, you dustin henderson, are a total butthead.

steve just about junps RIGHT IN to being friends with eddie. hey man, what’cha up to tonight? wanna watch a movie? get drunk, smoke a bit? hey eddie, how have you been, man? he starts calling eddie up on the phone regularly just to check in, shoot the shit, he loves it! he loves having this new friendship with eddie munson and he loves how much the other boy has surprised him with how much he actually enjoys being around him. he’s not a freak, really, well ok maybe he is a little bit, but only in the best ways. he’s kind, thoughtful, and is always looking out for the people he cares about, which is something steve can really respect in a dude. but he’s also so funny? steve never could’ve anticipated just how much eddie has managed to make him genuinely LAUGH over their short amount of time spent together. and he’s really, out there? with the way he presents himself, the way he takes up space with these big THEATRICAL movements, leaving no room for regret or shame or god forbid embarrassment. steve isn’t even sure munson is capable of feeling it at all.

eddie munson is a good dude, and steve could use a bit more of that kind of person around him. he loves all of his friends, the weird little bonded family he’s found himself apart of, and they are all good people, but it never hurts to have afew more added in here and there. it never hurts to know there are more good people out there to find.

so steve is all over eddie, it seems.

at least, from where eddie is standing. nobody else seems as phased as eddie does at this sudden change in steve’s demeanour, in his interest in what eddie munson spends his time doing these days. it seems like, to everyone else, to steve, it’s just a natural progression in their relationship, after being sort of role model figures to the same group of kids, both being the two single dudes, who fought the same monsters together last spring, it seems nobody questions too much that they’d start casually hanging around eachother more. especially since eddie has found himself to fit into his own special spot as one of the group now after it all, after he unwillingly became tangled in this whole upsidedown-superpowers-supernatural-monsters and demons debacle, and tangled quite dramatically at that, the rest of the group that’s been with this since the beginning seemed to find no trouble in taking him in and seeing him as “one of them” now.

so, steve asking eddie to smoke, to watch movies, to go for a drive with no real end destination, it’s not really something that earns them too many double takes. dustin makes a comment or two in the beginning, because steve since when did you like hanging out with eddie? you guys are like so opposite, you don’t like any of the same stuff he does? and steve barely gives a shrug and a dismissive yeah yeah whatever man in response, with a signature eye roll, and dustin had said it seemingly also not too seriously, poking fun at steve wherever he can, not really meaning anything by it, as he fidgets around and rambles in the backseat of steve’s car, eddie riding up front. after that, though, he’s dropped it. it’s never brought up again. part of eddie thinks, too, that dustin would actually be enjoying that his two older friends are becoming friends themselves.

robin seems to be the only other person to look a bit harder at their situation, lingering stares at their interactions, all squinted eyes and eyebrows raised, though from her all this seems to be almost always and only ever directed at steve. eddie’s not sure what to make of that. isn’t he the weird one? i mean, he’s the one that stands out, right? he’s the odd denominator that makes their friendship strange. why would steve harrington want to hang out with Him? HIM? but robin doesn’t spend her time studying eddie to try and search for what about him could possibly have piqued the interest of cherished steven harrington, no, shes always looking at steve. like she’s seeing him differently, almost. eddie doesn’t even think that steve notices it, either, because he doesn’t seem to be questioning or doubting anything odd or strange or out of the ordinary with their newfound time spent together. and maybe, maybe robin is seeing him differently. eddie knows he definitely has been. seeing him more, intensely. deeply. human. seeing the person that steve is, as just steve, not this idealised version of a boy that eddies starting to question ever really even existed at all, or if everyone around him just needed to believe that he did, and who was steve if not happy to comply to the wants of the people around him for who he should be?

eddie likes having steve as his friend, too. don’t get it twisted. he loves how unexpectedly expressive steve is about everything, even really small things. steve LOVES to raise his voice, rest a hand on his popped hip, scolding the kids for something stupid with no real heat or malice behind it. and steve is, like, kinda bitchy too. eddie knew he had the capacity to be a real asshole when he wanted to be, that’s all he knew steve for back in the day, when he was back in high school, hanging around tommy h and the basketball boys, the jocks. eddie would spend his days hearing only whispers and gossip in the hallways of the parties at king steve’s house and the fights king steve had started and won on the court or out in the fields, only ever getting as close as a shove into a locker with the guy at the time, but eddie knew how it could go. he knew all about what steve had done to jonathan, what he’d said to him, the words he’d used. eddie knew it all. he’d seen enough, and been through enough himself, to know how these guys acted in response to guys like him, like jonathan, people who were lower on the social food chain. so, eddie knew about steve’s “mean streak”, if you will, but this kind of snarky bitchiness was something new to him. harrington was almost, sassy, when he wanted to be. it was less so cruel and more just, just sass. if he’s being completely honest it kind of blew eddie away, at first. he thought steve was one of those dull headed jocks who thought with their fists more than their actual brains, but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. steve’s insults were well thought out, they were FUNNY, he was smart with his words. and silly. oh my god steve harrington could be so fucking silly, real honest to god goofball when the moment called for it, when he felt comfortable enough. eddie had caught on multiple occasions steve mimicking lightsabers to play fight with dustin, or the stupid fucking shit he would do or say just to make robin laugh, singing along to a song playing on the radio with a funny voice.

it was all a little, intoxicating, to watch. eddie didn’t know what gave him the right to be in on this now, to get to see this side of steve and better yet to be at the other end of some of his best qualities. it was fun, all the time they spent together, but there was always something else tugging inside eddie everytime they spent close time together, too. something, he knew steve wasn’t aware of. something he knew steve wasn’t equipped to deal with. something he knew, was him. was him, making things something more than they should be, because, nobody seemed to be questioning that they could become friends, so why ruin that? why disrupt it?

- robin and steve

“Steve.”

“-but then like, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to watch it I just thought, hey, y’know, let’s try something different for a change, but then he- oh my god he honest to god TACKLED ME Robin — I mean, it was so fucking funny and it happened so quick — and all over a fucking Tom Cruise movie-“

“STEVE.” Robin lightly slammed a hand onto the counter. She had been standing behind it for no short of 20 minutes, watching Steve as he paced around, supposed to be stacking tapes onto shelves, but ended up spending the whole time going on and on, and ON, about how movie night went with Eddie last night. She thought she was bad…

Steve jumped, almost running into a shelf and knocking down his hard work, and seemed to snap out of whatever trance he had found himself in after starting to tell Robin a story about something funny Eddie had done last night.

“Shit, sorry. Sorry, what were you saying? Were you- were you saying something?”

To this, Robin just rolls her eyes and let’s out a laugh, “You, sir, are goddamn hopeless.”

“Sorry. How long was I talking for?” Steve wandered his way over to lean his arms onto the counter from the opposite side.

“Oh, I dunno Steve, just about half an HOUR?”

“That is an over exaggeration Robin, it’s only been like-“

“Honestly, man, i’m concerned for you. You are like next level OBSESSED with Eddie. Eddie Munson. You do realise this right??? You are obsessed with him, Steve.”

To this Steve sputters, lazily waving his hands back and forth.

“No, Robin, what the hell are you talking about? I am not OBSESSED. No need to be jealous, alright, Stevie-Boy here can have more than one friend. Your spot in my heart isn’t any less special now that it’s beginning to be shared by another.” He bats his eyelashes up at her, holding both hands over his chest as if to cradle his heart.

“Oh my GOD! You even SOUND LIKE HIM!”, she playfully slaps his shoulder. “Steve. You are obsessed.”

“I am not obsessed! He’s just a really great guy, alright-“

“Blah blah, yep whatever you say, lover boy.” Robin quips, plopping down onto the chair chair infront of their staff computer, turning herself to face it.

“Wha- what? Lover boy? What the hell Robin, that is not- that doesn’t even make any sense!”

She is just smiling at him now, enjoying seeing him spiral like this. Steve let’s out a sigh as he puts his hands on his hips, and shakes his head, looking at her right back.

He opens and closes his mouth afew times, like he’s really thinking about what he wants to say next. Or like he has no idea what to say next, and his brain is not moving fast enough to formulate the next sentence his mouth knows he wants to say. He wasn’t obsessed. That’s not- that’s like- no. No he was not, Robin was just playing around with him, she knew how to get on his nerves. Get him all wound up over little things just to see him react like this.

After a minute or two, Robin realises Steve was not going to reply anytime soon, so she turns fully back toward him. Saving him from his spiral.

“So, what are you’re plans for tonight Steve-O?”

He lets out a chuckle and walks around the counter till he’s behind it with Robin, leaning his back against it so he can stand across from her and face her.

“Well, not really sure. Parents aren’t home, no early shift tomorrow, might drink afew beers, listen to some music, —“

“See what Eddie’s doin?” Robin finishes for him, quirking her eyebrows up and down as she does it.

“Oh shut up!” Steve just laughs and softly throws a tape from the counter at her chest. “As a matter of fact, yeah I will see what he’s up to. Because we are friends now, Robin. Is that a problem? Actually I was also gonna ask you what you were up to after work, too, but you know what after this I’m having second thoughts, I mean, the way you’ve been treating me lately-“

“Oh my god, you are the worst. Yes, I’m free, of course I’ll hang out with you dingus. You and your tweedle dee.”

Steve laughs at this, then tilts his head.

“Wait, does that make me dumb? Tweedle dumb?! That’s how you see me?”

“Yeah it is actually, got a problem?”

“Oh wow, she’s feisty today. Can’t believe you think I’m dumb, Rob’s. When you come knockin’ tonight, do not expect a warm greeting at my front door.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll take my chances.”

- later. steve’s house. to be continued?

[babyhatesreality]

what if someone else tries to discipline stucky's babygirl?🥹🥹 like, some random dude who considers himself a daddy got mad for something she did?? i think daddy stucky would absoluty go ✨bersek✨

Oh....*Berserk* is putting it mildly....

But let's back up a bit first. You've been with Steve and Bucky long enough that you're truly and deeply one of the family. And with that, it means that you and your friends have gotten into plenty of trouble before at each other's places. You've been put in time outs by several of your extended family members- mostly Tony, Pepper, Natasha, and Bruce. There's a rule in the tower that if you're little and misbehaving while in their care, anyone in the family is allowed to give a time out. Of course it means you're in big trouble when your primary caregivers find out, so you don't ever MEAN to get into mischief. It just ...sometimes ...happens! Right?? :D

But there was this one time that SHIELD was introducing a group of new operatives. They were the ones who would be running some of the simpler operations that didn't require super strength, stealth, or swag. But they would have access to and contact with the Avengers, and so were brought into the Tower for training.

There was this one new recruit named Kenneth. He was tall, had a firm jaw, strong enough to handle pretty much anything- and had an extremely overblown sense of his own worth. He had decided (without asking anyone or confirming anything) that he was on his way to becoming the first civilian Avenger simply because...he was that awesome. Which he was not, but that comes later.

Since this new operatives team would also be responsible for looking out for low level threats to the Avengers themselves, they were briefed on all the Littles and Caregivers in the tower. So if, God forbid, something happened, they knew the chain of command to help take care of the Littles in a crisis situation- mostly getting the Littles to the correct Avenger.

Welp, as with most other things, Kenneth didn't feel these rules applied to him either. He knew that if he were ever to encounter one of you "littles" (as he put it, complete with his own stupid air quotes and a dumb look on his face), he'd make sure that he'd show his authority, and that would prove he could be an Avenger. *Sidenote-it's funny how these dude-bros' egos work, isn't it?*

One day Daddy and Papa had brought you upstairs with them, as had the rest of the caregivers with their own littles. It was an easy half day, and barring anything suddenly popping up, there was just regular paperwork and classified debriefings to meet about- a safe day for you all to be up there. The other littles were playing a game of tag in the big rec room, but you were feeling a little cranky from a rough night and just wanted to be on your daddies' laps. You would hop down off Bucky's lap ten minutes into a meeting to climb onto Steve's, and then back again ten minutes later. Hey, you were happy, they were happy, it was all good.

You politely asked if you could go get a drink of water, and after insisting that you could be a big girl by yourself, Bucky let you go down the hall to the kitchen area. And that's where you ran into Kenneth, who was sneaking up to the meeting, trying to make up some excuse as to why he needed to be in this Avengers-only debriefing (he was pretty sure they weren't even going to question his right to be there, but it was always good to have a plan B, right?).

He immediately identified you, and stopped you in the hallway by grabbing you by the shoulder (wrong move #1). "And where do you think you're going, little girl?" he asked you snidely (wrong move #2). You immediately stepped back, trying to get yourself out of his grip. You didn't know this guy, and you weren't supposed to talk to strangers. And no one was allowed to touch you without your permission. Daddy and Papa taught you well.

But Kenneth took that as defiance before you even opened your mouth, tightening his grip on your arm (wrong move #3...you get the idea). "You are not supposed to be wandering the halls by yourself, are you?" he sneered. "Some caregivers, just letting a helpless little girl wander around unguarded." He leaned into your face. "Someone could get hurt."

That scared you, as it sounded very threatening, so you shook your arm again, trying to pull away. "Please let go," you said through gritted teeth, trying to be polite (he was in the Tower after all, and no one got in without SHIELD's permission), but really wanting to kick this guy in his private area. Instead, Kenneth yanked your arm so hard that you cried out, and started dragging you towards the meeting room. He shoved you down onto your bottom right outside the doorway, then pointed a finger at you.

"You stay right there, little missy, and don't even think about moving. You've been very bad and you're in big trouble," he scolded, unwarranted. You just glared at him but didn't move. He didn't even bother knocking on the door to the meeting room- he just barged in.

"Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes? I've got something that you both need to see, immediately," he said arrogantly.

You heard the shuffle and scramble of your daddies moving quickly, and you knew they were panicking about you. But the second they got out of the doorway and saw you cowering on the floor with a glower on your face, they both stopped, confused.

"Baby, are you okay?" Bucky asked frantically, dropping to his knees and reaching out to you. You threw yourself into his arms, relieved.

"What happened? Why was she sitting on the floor?" Steve asked as he got down next to you and Bucky, brushing your hair away from your face and scanning you as hard as he could, looking for injuries.

"She was wandering around the halls, unsupervised," Kenneth replied lightly, the arrogance dripping off of him. "Then she was defiant and disobedient when I tried to help her."

" 'Tried to help her'?" Steve repeated, slowly standing up to face Kenneth. Anyone with half a brain could hear the steel in his voice and see the rage in his posture. Even Kenneth turned a bit pale at the fury he'd unknowingly invoked. "What...exactly...did she need help with?"

"Well, er...um..she wasn't supposed to be in the hallways-"

"She had permission to be there," Steve interrupted him. The aura of controlled anger about to snap that was radiating off your Papa was something to behold- you'd never seen him like this before and it was AWESOME. "She was getting a drink from the kitchen." He turned to you, smiling softly, but his vibranium-infused posture didn't change one bit. "Lovebug, were you able to get your drink?"

"No, Papa," you said simply.

"I see," he said, turning back to Kenneth as his gaze turned back to razor blades. "So you kept my baby from getting a drink when she's thirsty, you stopped her without permission and tried to get her to disobey OUR directives, and you barged into a classified meeting." He pinned the now completely pale Kenneth to the wall with only his clear cut steel blue gaze. "Anything else, baby girl?" he asked you without turning his head.

"He touched me," you added, then turned your gaze to Bucky, who was still holding you. "And it hurt my arm."

Bucky set you down gently, then stood up and faced Kenneth.

Kenneth was only able to remember three things from that moment until he woke up in the hospital. The first being the insanely loud thundering of crumbling concrete mixed with a strange whooshing sound that he couldn't immediately identify. There was also a cracking and a crunching that seemed to be coming from inside of him, but that didn't make any sense either...

The second thing was the fact that he was no longer in the hallway- he seemed to have somehow transported to another area that he was pretty sure was about three rooms away from where he'd just been standing.

The third thing was the sudden and overwhelming pain screaming all over his body. He had just enough time to realize that the Winter Soldier had thrown him through 3 solid walls before he blacked out.

When he woke up in the hospital, among the machines and IVs, he found a small cardboard box with all his desk items in it.

[lazybutsmexy]

I don't really have an idea in my mind rn. But i do want to request ( if you dont mind ) protective König or jealousy König either of them are interesting for me

And just wanted to say that all of ur works are amazing !! *chef kiss*

( ignore my grammar, I'm quite bad at english TT )

Hello love!! I'm so happy you liked my writings hehe and don't worry about your English, it's completely fine 🫶♥️

Jealous König drabble

•~•~•~•

Jealous König is a rarity. In fact, it's a "blink and you miss it" sort of reaction. That is because he doesn't show off how it bothers him when you laugh at other men's jokes or don't immediately shrug someone off when they lay a hand on your shoulder. Unless he notices that you're uncomfortable - which he never misses, by the way - he won't act on it.

In his mind, he has no control over who you think is funny or who you let touch your body. He trusts you, with his whole body, mind and heart, and respects your integrity as a person, a strong individual, a partner. It doesn't mean he can't feel jealous, but it slowly simmers in his body as he tries not to let it show.

He knows that jealousy comes from a place of insecurity, of seeing himself as not enough to fill your needs. Another source of insecurity is that nasty bug in the back of his head telling him how you would replace him at the drop of a hat for someone more capable of filling those needs.

Jealousy to König means insecurity, anger, greed. He always wants to be a better man for you, and that means getting ahold of his emotions and keep them down, lest he does something that - God forbids - hurts you.

He is quiet in general, as a default setting, especially in large gatherings. And his eyes always search for and find your figure no matter the situation. So you don't instantly notice that his blood is slowly boiling in the inside at the mere thought of another man shooting his shot with you. For the past ten minutes, König has been looking for any clue in your body language that indicated that this private was making you uncomfortable, just so he could stomp over to you and scare the shit out of him away.

You feel his stare, so you turn to him and smile sweetly before you notice that his eyes don't crinkle at the edges like he usually does as a response. The man next to you - you already forgot his name, that's how unimportant he is to you - continues talking about some of his accomplishments back in highschool, but you tune out his voice in order to study König a little more.

His posture is rigid, his arms crossed over his chest and his breathing slow. Even from across the bar where the party is happening, you can feel a threatening aura emanating from him, as if you're watching a hungry tiger ready to pounce.

Usually, your blood fills with endorphins when you notice König staring at you, as that tends to be an indicator that he wants you. But this is a different stare, and fills your blood with ice. König emanates anger.

After being so intimate with König for a few months, you have learned to pick apart the clues in his behaviour. And right now, you want to kick yourself in the face for not noticing sooner. The man next to you - who you considered no more than background noise at this point - could end up bedridden for who knows how long if you didn't do something quick.

You look again at him and interrupt him with a smile, making sure that König could read your lips from where he was: "nice to meet you, uh," you quickly glance at his tag, "private Lang, but I'm going to join my boyfriend now." The private just stared owlishly at you as you got up and left some bills on the counter, before turning and walking towards König of all people.

Konig himself felt a mixture of different emotions: pride that you called him your boyfriend, relief because you preferred him over that dude, annoyance that it took you so long to leave that guy behind, and utter giddiness over being called your boyfriend in such a public setting. (He would swallow the last one down and leave it for a talk later).

He also got up and opened the door for you, indicating that he was more than ready to finally have you all to himself, and you took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the long night of atonement you had in front of you.

[meyexe]

Bruh, he's such a birdybrain. No, he's actually cute and you can sympathize with him, I don't argue. Maybe during the first season, when I first started watching Helluva Boss, I liked him because he had a cool vibe and his role was not overloaded - he was just a family man, not a very responsible ruler and a preoccupied lover. It's funny to some extent. But in the second season, they showed so many details of his life that this character simply became unpleasant to me. He does not try hard enough to achieve the role he aspires to. He should be a good father to Octavia, but he did not learn a lesson from their conversation in Lu-Lu-Land, so he continues to traumatize her because of his selfishness, and in the last episode that was released so far, he was ready to leave her and die. He wants to be a good lover, but... he did it better than being a good father, by the way, but he didn't have a very good story with Blitzo. Stolas lets him break the law, and then realizes her feelings for him and shows concern, but he doesn't think about how all this looks for Blitzo. Meeting whom was his birthday present, damn it. He gave up his title and the right to be a father for something that once cost a small coin. Yes, I'm sure that the day Stolas cheated on Stella was the happiest day in his life, because he finally felt that someone needed him. He can't give a decent rebuff to his wife, can't (but wants to) create a strong family for Octavia, he's addicted to happy pills, God forbid. What then?

If you're wondering who my favorite character is, it's Fizzarolli. He's a generous and nice guy :)

Updated: I just watched episode 12 and I was pleasantly surprised. Octavia acted so well and naturally, I'm so proud of her! I hope one day she will understand everything. Stolas finally got his act together and did something, so I just wish him strength and patience.

[pixie-mage]

I’ve thought about telling you. I’ve thought about bringing it up. You’ve asked me about my purple striped pendant enough times, and I’ve always brushed it off, and you still give it a sidelong look as if you know, so I’ve thought about saying something–

(Or leaving my laptop open on the wiki page, or doodling the flag on a sticky note and leaving it where you can see, or buying a book about it on your Amazon account, or–)

–but I never have.

Maybe it would finally convince you to leave my dating life alone. Or at least, maybe it would convince you that a dating app won’t work the same for someone like me.

Because when you’re asexual, most men on a dating app are expecting a future hookup, whether that’s now or a few weeks down the line…so you’re not what they’re looking for.

Anyway, I’ve thought about it. But I’ve also seen how you talked to me behind my sister’s back when she came out as bisexual, how you were outwardly unbothered and generally supportive but would turn to me with “If this phase lasts” and “She's still young” and “When she settles down with a guy” on your lips. It’s been a while since I’ve heard it, but even now, when she’s college age and openly dating a woman, I get the feeling you still don’t take her relationship as seriously as our brother’s relationship with his girlfriend. I get the feeling you still judge.

(You love us dearly. I know you do. The good and great family memories far far outweigh the bad. And you care about us so much. You’ve fought the world for us in the past and you’d do it again and you’ll always always love and support us in everything we do. But. But.)

And maybe you wouldn’t judge me so harshly for simply saying I’m ace, because it’s not like I’m gay, right? It’s not like I’ll end up with another girl, right? It’s not as big of a deal…right?

But I’ve also seen how judgemental you were when I started crossplaying, when I started choosing male characters to cosplay alongside the female. I was just dressing up for fun and that’s all it ever will be, but still…the judgement. The unspoken judgement of different.

And when I brought up the idea of adoption instead of having my own kids - the one time I opened up enough to mention it - you gave me the most indecipherable look that made me feel like I’d said something horribly, horribly wrong. And I said “What?” and you said “Nothing.” But it was “nothing” in the “I won’t say it, but you should know” way. It was “nothing” in the “I won’t say it, but I’ll let you feel my dissatisfaction from where you’re sitting” way.

And just this year, I got so close. I almost said something. We were having a conversation - god knows I can’t even remember how it started now - but I got brave enough to ask if it would be so wrong to never want to be physically intimate with someone. And I got an exaggeration eyeroll, and a “You have GOT to get over your fear of sex” as if you knew me sooo well that you obviously could see what I really meant. But you didn’t. You don’t. And when I said - rather impulsively - that “I’m not afraid, I just don’t want to do it. It’s gross and uncomfortable” - well.

“That’s a childish response.”

Because god forbid I feel differently than you do about something that would only affect my life. God forbid I dislike something even when the rest of the world expects me to want to love it. God forbid.

So I haven’t told you. With a response like that, why the hell would I?

You always say “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince”…and sure, I understand the meaning. But why does finding a prince require kissing? Why can’t I hug him instead? Why can’t a peck on the cheek suffice? I’d offer him a Lego minifigure if that would do the trick. I’d much prefer it.

But no, I’m childish for wanting to keep my body to myself.

You signed me up for a dating app when I was in early college. At the time I thought it was funny, and I still kind of do. I know that you want to see me happy and you assume finding a partner is what will do that. And maybe I would be happy with a partner in my life…but not the kind you’re thinking of.

See, the problem with dating apps - the problem with dating - is I know eventually the guy will get bored. He’ll get bored before we hit five months because the whole time he’ll have been waiting for the chance to take me to bed, and unfortunately for him, the thought will have never crossed my mind. Hell, the last time we tried to make out I was probably thinking about pizza rolls and wondering how long people are supposed to keep kissing like that. When is it acceptable to stop? When is it polite to get back to watching the movie? How much kissing is enough to satisfy someone else? Because it sure as hell does next to nothing for me.

I used to think I was broken, you know.

I used to think there was something wrong with me if everyone was explaining kissing and sex as this fantastic thing, and I was sitting there going “What’s there to like?”

I used to think - hell - maybe mom was right. Maybe I just have to keep kissing frogs.

But at some point, you kiss enough frogs that never turn into princes, and you start to realise that maybe the problem isn’t the frogs you’re picking. Maybe the problem is you. Maybe you don’t have the magic in your lips to turn ‘em back into royalty.

And then you date an amazing, amazing guy, and you think “Wow, I could picture a life with him” and you think “This could be something” and you think “This is a prince…right?” …but you still feel nothing. The romance is there, and the joy of shared interests, and the matching sense of humor, and the laughter and the fun and you fit and it’s amazing - but physically? Sexually? Nothing. You feel nothing. You’re still daydreaming about pizza rolls when you’re kissing on the couch, and nothing has changed.

So you think…another frog?

And you end things.

And you think it’s better that way.

And you think maybe you were just excited over a solid friendship and misinterpreted what you were feeling.

But then you find an internet post that is far too relatable. You find an artist that has put into words the exact way you’ve been feeling for years. You find a comic that sends a shockwave of a revelation through your head and you feel - you feel whole. You feel unbroken. You feel like this is what you were missing all along.

One word that makes you feel a little less alone, knowing there are others out there just like you.

Asexual.

A person who feels no physical attraction toward others.

Sometimes they want to be physically intimate with their partner even though they feel nothing, but sometimes? Sometimes they really really don’t.

And it’s okay.

And it has a name.

And it’s not broken.

…and I would tell you all of this if I felt like I could. But.

But.

It’s just a phase and you’d be happier with a partner and that’s a childish response.

Is it any wonder I have never explained what my purple striped pendant really means?

[regs-confessions]

you have free will to block me? What's the point of tagging me and asking either of us to block each other when you could have blocked me yourself?

I have heard maurader fans admitting mauraders bullied Severus but it's okay because "someone should have done it" and everyone took it with a grain of salt, it was funny. But god forbid a Severus fan says his abusive treatment towards kids was funny.

If you can like Barty who tortured Neville's parents to insanity, which doomed Neville for the rest of his life and traumatized him further by using Crucio in front of him, I can't like a guy who was verbally abusive to kids? I don't get your moral standards. If you can't handle Severus fans, you won't be able to handle Bellatrix or Voldemort fans.

It's fine to not like Severus because of him being abusive to children, you're allowed to not forgive him for that, that's a valid reason! But then liking regulus and Barty in the same breath for reasons that are completely made up? Interesting.

We do know a bit about canon regulus, I thought you were his fan? He isn't a completely unknown character like Mary McDonald or Dorcas Meadows is. He was anti Voldemort at the end but that doesn't mean he was pro muggle rights. He likely died as a blood supremacist, which means he wouldn't mind if Harry and the others were killed off, something that Severus would not be okay with.

Being attacked for not tagging properly is not a little thing, it's quite literally basic fandom etiquette. It's the same as reading a fanfic you thought was good but then it has untagged incest. This is Tumblr, you are going to get attacked with essay long responses. Why are you acting as if this isn't normal?

I can tell you're new here, just learn from your mistakes, it's not that hard.

In case you missed it, I didn’t tag you, the anon who sent the ask did and I just did what I’m doing now and posting it

Blocking goes both ways dear, you can hit that pretty little button (and actually bc this is a side blog tumblr won’t let me block all of you otherwise I would’ve by now)

And yes, we know a little bit about canon Regulus but we don’t know what he was like in school, as a person when he was alone, what his childhood was really like (other than the worst parents ever but no one likes to acknowledge the canon lines where Sirius makes it pretty clear they were abused, like I’m sorry people don’t run away from home at 16 and never talk to their parents again if they were good parents)

Something was miss-tagged on accident because I didn’t know a tag existed and you’re acting like I’m Voldemort and Umbridge’s freaky little tyrant baby

How many times does a person have to say “I didn’t know that an anti tag existed because it didn’t show up when I was typing in the fucking tags” for you all to understand that I wasn’t maliciously tagging but that doesn’t seem to matter to you (and I’m not new to tumblr hun but I’m fairly new to marauders tumblr and that’s a big difference)

This is over, it’s done, let it go and move on

You don’t know me, I don’t know you

My opinion of a man who doesn’t exist who was written by and awful person really shouldn’t have so much of an effect on you and your life that you feel the need to continuously try and beat a dead horse about it

I hope one day a random person’s opinion on something insignificant won’t matter as much to any of you that have been in my comments and reblogs about this

[mothman-dyke]

Writing all of this out does make me feel a little "pictures pinned to a corkboard connected by red string" but in the days following the election I find it less and less surprising that Donald Trump won. It's a confirmation of what we've always known to be true-- that society and America fucking hates women. (Obviously people of color, immigrants, gays as well but this is a post about misogyny.) And I allowed myself to maintain some hope-- that people were broadly well intentioned, that the majority of Americans would not choose, after everything, to bring him into office again. This hope was a mistake; it was a mistake back in 2016 when he was elected in the face of his misogyny and violence against women and it was a mistake this time.

we bear responsibility for this in many ways. Not least among them is the rise of a very specific strain of misogyny and woman-hate, one cultivated and spread in MRA, MGTOW, and incel circles, but in no way limited or insular. This brand of misogyny has become ubiquitous in our culture and crept into liberal, progressive, and leftist spaces, where we handwring about how really, men are the biggest victims, and the male loneliness epidemic, and meanwhile label any attempt at feminist thought or (God forbid) activism as white feminism, TERF-ery, etc. this misogyny, which we have, as much as anyone else, allowed to proliferate, is the bread and butter of male trump voters. (Take a peek at some of what those guys are saying on Twitter and threads!)

So the part of this where I start feeling very corkboard-and-thread is that I think the writing was on the wall for years and my big example of this? 2022: Depp v Heard. Remember that misogynistic hate campaign against a woman who dared to speak out about a mans violence towards her? Remember the #edgy tiktoks mocking her rape testimony, the sex toys mimicking her account of her assault, the endless mockery under the guise of "supporting male victims" (support which btw ended at Depp lol did y'all see them advocating for anyone else?) this huge cultural event embodies and reflects our attitude about women AND men. Fuck women who speak out! And we'll do anything for a man if he played a pirate in a movie that was good 20 years ago, or if he promises cheaper gas. Misogyny is the same and in that moment people across political parties came together to say "yeah, fuck women! Woman-hate is ok/good/funny/great!"

The other thing is just a rise in complete disrespect and dismissal for feminist thought, theory, activism in leftist, progressive, and liberal spaces. There is a real hostility towards feminists in these spaces regardless of the fact that many of them consider themselves pro feminist "safe spaces" feminists who have been raising the alarm about incels, men's rights activism, MGTOW, depp-fans, progressive misogyny, or just plain ol sexism have been written off as hysterical or characterized as bigots-- regardless of whether or not they are inclusive and intersectional, or even trans/women of color themselves.

We wanna think we have nothing to do with this but we do! We wanna think we didn't do this but we did! We have allowed woman-hate to rise and flourish and now we're upset with the results. All the while the same women who have raised alarms from the start, will be dismissed and told that our oppression isn't real or cause for concern in the face of the other, "real" oppression of others.

There isn't like a point to this it's just a shout into the void from someone who sees men bragging about how they own and control the bodies of women in America, and who has to live in one of those bodies every day.

The moral I am choosing is not to give up hope. It is that I will strip the blinders from my eyes. America hates women. America wants women in chains, unable to vote, barefoot and pregnant and beaten, raped, and dead. The moral I am choosing is that I'll continue to funnel my energy into my fellow women, of all classes races sexualities and abilities and do better. The moral is also that I'll stop even pretending patience for the patriarchal bullshit spewing from across the political spectrum.

[crystallizedkingdoms]

TAZ NC: Forget

Avi’s memory fails for the first time.

wc: 1,210

you can also read this on ao3 <3

my first fic for @taznovembercelebration. twirls hair. I’m most likely gonna be veryyyy inconsistent (aiming for Sunday, Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays but no prommy) and very likely gonna be pretty johavi centric so well theres that. but it’s okay it’s gonna be very fun yayy!!! yippeee! Enjoy 💖💖💖

Memory falters on the third anniversary of the Day of Story and Song. 

Avi’s memory was far, far too good on the first anniversary. Every single memory seemed to plague his mind that first night, his voice stuck in the cracks of his broken heart that no amount of drink could fill. The second anniversary went much, much better, as Magnus dragged him out of the house to enjoy the musical festivities celebrated all in Johann’s— his  Johann’s— honour.

When the third anniversary comes around, Avi’s in his home, but there is no drink in sight. The living room window is open, sunbeams and symphonies from a nearby celebration fill the house with music and life. Avi hums along to every note, all of it memorized so deeply he’s convinced that each piece has been etched into his soul. Avi sits down on his chair closest to the window and lets his eyes rest. The afternoon festivals tend to be a little too happy than what Avi is ready for, so instead he waits by the window, listening to the sounds of bards trying their best to match Johann’s greatness.

Avi’s hums verberate in his chest. He follows along with one piece, the closest to him, and matches along with every note possible. This piece, oh how popular it’s gotten, is one that Johann had written after Magic Brian had died. The rumours surrounding the piece have been strange, and it was one of the first things to make him laugh in his first year of depression.

“…Can you believe they think it’s some secret love song you had for him?” Avi whispers. To nobody, to somebody, but not to everybody. “It’s a little funny, honestly. I’m not mad. You’ve written plenty enough cheesy love songs for him that I can actually make fun of you for. No need to make up another one.”

It’s kind of an embarrassing habit, Avi knows. Gods forbid anyone, especially Magnus, heard that he still falls into this little spell of talking to a lover who’s no longer here. Avi wouldn’t hear the end of it. That’s why he reserves it for quiet days like these. Alone and loving.

Avi strains his ears and listens. One, two, three… there! “Hah. They always fail on that one, you know? Yeah, you probably know. You probably get pissed about it all the time up there. Maybe, just maybe, you didn’t have to show off all the time, even in your intimate compositions.” It’s a silly jab, he knows that Johann wasn’t necessarily showing off. He was just that good, in private and in public. There was no need to pretend he wasn’t.

Still, Avi loves to poke fun at him and the performers. That connection, however frail, is easy and hard to forget. I mean, come on, it’s impossible to forget their banter from back then. It’s Avi’s own little form of song, something so unique to them that he remembers it like the back of his hand. Johann says something serious, Avi teases something about the way it was said or why Johann said it, and Johann would quip back. 

Avi tries to imagine what Johann would say in response. 

Not my fault they can’t reach my fucking level. 

Wow. That sounds… weirdly mean. No, no, Johann wasn’t that rude. How silly.

I wasn’t showing off, dude. And it was barely intimate. 

Ugh, no. Johann didn’t sound like that. He didn’t sound like that at all. Did he?

Avi feels his heart pound in his chest. 

Hah, right. I think it cements my place as the best violinist ever. These guys can’t match my level if they tried, 

That felt more right, but the voice in his head didn’t match. Johann’s voice was deeper than that? But, no, it wasn’t too deep. And it couldn’t have been that monotone, right? 

Avi’s eyes open and he straightens up on his seat. The music from the outside world becomes loud, far too loud, and suddenly he doesn’t want to hear it. He can’t hear it. How could he stand to hear it, when he’s struggling to hear his boyfriend’s voice clear in his mind? Why couldn’t he remember what Johann really sounded like?

Avi. His own name. Avi would remember what Johann saying his name would sound like, right? Avi, Avi, Avi, Johann would always say his name like that, under his breath, like it’s the most important word in the world. Avi imagines it in his head, and he thinks that’s it. That’s Johann’s voice. No need to worry, he’s still there. Avi hasn’t forgotten Johann.

…but the inkling of doubt clouds Avi’s mind like a familiar static.

Avi stumbles out of his chair. He reaches and shuts the window closed again, and suddenly, the thought of ever opening them makes him feel sick. Avi casts away any thoughts of music or festivities and he tries to focus only on Johann, Johann, Johann as his hands search his living room. His brain scrambles to pick up each and every memory of Johann, searching deep for the memory of voice. Yet every memory sounds slightly different. Some sound completely stranger to him. Some sound almost like a parody of what Johann must have sounded like.

Avi opens the junk drawer of a console table. His hand dives into the garbage of years well-lived until his fingers grasp a smooth, round object. He picks it up with trembling hands. Shortly after the Day of Story and Song, Lucas Miller had created small copies of a device that recorded the knowledge sent out by the Voidfish. Including the bard’s final inspiration. 

He had sworn off of using it during that second year, after he listened to it nonstop during his first year of pain. Avi wonders how terrible of a mistake he has made. Avi clicks the button right in the middle and his pounding heartbeat roars in his ears so loud that he worries he won’t hear Johann’s words. But they shine through. They always do. 

“You’re going to have to fight. And… you’re gonna win!” Johann’s voice pierces through the silent room. Avi’s breath hitches in his throat. He has a low voice, as Avi remembered, but has it always been as deep as that? His voice is passionate, as all were on that fateful day, but even then his distinctive flat tone gives him away. The voice is so familiar, yet jarringly surprising to hear.

How could Avi forget Johann’s voice?

“Oh, Johann,” Avi cracks. Tears swell up in his eyes with no second to recuperate. He presses the button once again, and he listens to Johann’s voice. His heart aches to remember every single little inflection in every syllable, every tone, until Avi could never forget it again. How could he forget it? When all that Johann ever asked for was to be remembered, his boyfriend can’t even fulfill that only three fucking years later— 

Avi pulls the device to his chest and sobs. “Johann,” Avi cries out. Repeating his name and pressing that button over and over and over and over again. Until it drowns out any piece of music in remembrance of Johann that plays outside. Until memory falters, and an obsession relapses.

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Yukari Takeba (Persona 3)

Y'all Hate Teens propaganda

Persona 3 spoilers; cw child death

-

The majority of Yukari hate revolves around her actions in Persona 3 The Answer, which takes place after the main game. She's mourning the death of the MC (who she was in love with) and her attitude becomes worse, but she has every right to act that way! She's faced many tragedies in her life and she just lost another person she cared about, of course she's not going to be in the best state. At some point in The Answer, Yukari almost made the decision to travel back in time and save the MC at the expense of the world, however she ultimately learned from her mistakes and comes to terms with the MC's sacrifice. People hate her because she was grieving someone she loved and almost made some irrational choices, but they ignore her character development that came after it.

-

(p3 spoilers obviously) shes a triple threat shes a teenager shes a girl and the shit people get on her case about is specifically a blend of trauma (homelife got significantly worse after her dad died n the mistreatment she and her mom received due to the incident that Literally Killed Her Dad being viewed as his fault being bad enough that they had to move) and completely reasonable things to do in her situation (like looking into what is being hidden from her by someone she has to trust while fighting actual monsters that can kill people). i havent played the answer in full yet but i will defend its premise and specifically yukari's actions cause It Hasnt Even Been A Full Month Since Her Friend Inexplicably Died and unlike the other character deaths in the game it was seemingly completely random and intangible and (at the time) without meaning of course shes not gonna react well to that even in the best of circumstances and its extremely not the best of circumstances

-

"God forbid a teenage girl have unhealthy trauma responses and not immediately try to be besties with the Male Characters, when those same male characters are objectifying and sexualizing her. 

Guys, she saw a video of her dad DYING, and you expect her to immediately go ""Okay. That sucks, but we have to move forward."" NO! shes GOING to freak out!!! And of COURSE she would be all over the place during the answer, HER FRIEND/BOYFRIEND LITTERALLY DIED SAVING THE WORLD! UGHHH. 

(And now theres the whole Homophobic Yukari shit going around. Maybe I'm just weird, but I don't find it funny? ""It's stopping the Yukari hate"" it's just a new wave of Yukari hate don't kid yourself)"

-

People call her a bitch for grieving realistically and not constantly capitulating to the player's waifu-sim ideals. one of the last persona girls who felt like she had a purpose as a character other than pure player appeal, and she's ridiculed for it. she's honestly very likable, realistic, and well-written. 

[yallmakemyassitch]

Alright, just for you I'll select my first handful from the alphabet for Nikusa. 😉

What are Q, T, U, V, R, S, P?

Woohoo! I can edit asks again! Coming in hot with these headcanons! So sorry for dying on you guys for so long, exams are coming up and life is complicated but I'm getting through it (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)

My Christmas present is still in the works (yeah I'm late but you still deserve a gift!) but I hope to get it out by the end of the weekend. Anyways enjoy the headcanons, I love and appreciate you goobers very much ಡ⁠ ͜⁠ ⁠ʖ⁠ ⁠ಡ🩷!!!

✧🌟Headcanons🌟✧

Q - Their response to the question ‘are you ticklish’?

Initially Nikusa would be a bit confused, she's not used to being asked such personal questions and most people come to her to hopefully strike a deal with her. She might get a little flustered given the absurdity of the question. The most you'll get is a 'I don't know?' with an amused smirk and cocked eyebrow.

T - Their most favorite methods of teasing their lee/ler?

Playing investigator on their body; crawling her fingers up and down your body to bring out your worst reaction and best spot. The entire time she's just...talking, pointing out every detail she notices and coos when you react badly to her tickling and teases. "Right here, right here, right over here and oh, I can't forget this spot either! *chuckles* Aw, that's so cute, I'm telling everyone about this!"

U - Do they have some unusual tickles spots? Where?

Her thighs and knees. They are extremely ticklish and sensitive, much to the chagrin of the void queen. She hates it when someone manage to get their hands on her, it makes her go weak and behave in a way she'd never thought. Like a child, Nikusa encases her arms around her body and can do nothing but laugh until the ler lets up. God forbid there's more than one person taking her apart. (ESPECIALLY if it's Agoti and his friends)

It's all very adorable and her reaction to it all is very amusing. The almighty Void Queen giggling at mere pinches on her lower knee? Hilarious. However, this spot will trigger an unyielding vengeance within her that promises her to get back at you twice as hard as how you treated her that day. But Nikusa is unpredictable and very sly, so you'll never know if it will be the next day or next month.

V - As a ler, who is their favorite lee and what makes this person their ultimate victim?

Agoti for sure. He clearly hates her and she knows it, it's a different story when he tries something slick like tickling her. He's a prideful asshole with a smart mouth and needed a quick and swift humbling. It was always funny to see him thrashing in her hands as Nikusa lifted him to her level, shouting, demanding, to be let go. Nikusa would simply squeeze his ribs, watching his rage engulfed face turn into a goofy, terrified grin. She made sure to do it nice and slow, over and over again rapid fire until the angry boy was red and shrieking.

It was funnier when Solazar and Aldryx were around, the father that raised him to be a strong, skilled fighter was the same one reduced to a cackling puddle. It knocked Agoti down his smartass pedestal for sure, hopefully Agoti would realize just how insignificant he was to her and could defeat him in an instant, despite not using violence.

R - Lee or ler, what is generally their main role?

A lee surprisingly, but don't get comfortable too fast as she is plotting lol (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

S - If they were to suggest the safeword for a tickle session, which word will it be?

Offering yourself up to her, huh? Intriguing really. Nikusa will be highly amused by this and will tease and taunt you endlessly about it. Even she knows a safe word is necessary as she isn't exactly mortal and does not understand things like their boundaries. She'll be twice as alert as she normally is instead of tormenting you right off the bat but she'll be even more taunting, making sure you giggle your heart out.

To make it worse, Nikusa will make the safe word 'tickle' just to torment you and finds it amusing you can hardly even belt the word out without giggling your lungs out.

P - If they were to go after a lee and accept the aid of a tickle partner, who do they prefer to join hands with and why?

Nikusa would join hands with Aldryx. While their relationship has never been emphasized (Ago and Sol canonically dislike her), I can imagine their relationship to be surprisingly cordial, maybe even friendly at times. Aldryx is far too laid back to make enemies and is fairly approachable, so you'll be more likely to get a positive response than a negative one.

He gets serious when he has to, a tickle fight is not one of them. If Nikusa brings up the idea to Aldryx, who it is they are targeting will greatly affect his response. Most of the time, it's his little brother, so of course he won't hesitate to mess with the shitstain. The pair jump him, Aldryx doing most of the restraining while Nikusa goes ham, much to Agoti's suffering.

Well wowie, wasn't that an experience! It feels so good to do that again and these headcanons are definitely an upgrade compared to my old ones. My Nikusa interpretation mostly stems from CougarMcDowell's dubs and Aldryx is from a multitude of sources, mostly me since the 'cool as ice brother but ultimately still a bastard of a brother' trope is interesting to me (don't fret tho, Aldryx loves Agoti very much 🩷) ୧⁠(⁠＾⁠ ⁠〰⁠ ⁠＾⁠)⁠୨ giggles ok bye

[nevarrhoe]

mea culpa (m.m) - two

SUMMARY: "mea culpa" (exclamation - noun/legal term)

used as an acknowledgement of one's fault or error.

↪ in which matt murdock accidentally falls in love with the district attorney's daughter. (masterlist + playlist)

warnings: afab reader/fem pronouns, age gap, smut, p in v, choking, unprotected sex, semi-public sex. and also swearing, naturally.

MINORS DNI - this has been clearly marked as having explicit content and with these clear warnings in place, you are reading this whilst being aware of said content and i bare no responsibility for what you to choose to consume. with that in mind, if someone who a) does not have their age in their bio or b) does so and is a minor, you will be blocked.

thank you so much for such a positive response to this series so far!! it really means the world to me and if you would like to be tagged, please let me know <3

-jazz (@dameronology)

It was a little hard to stop thinking about Matthew Murdock over the next few days. 

Nevermind the fact he’d left hickeys all over your neck - it was the fact he was texting you every few hours with absolutely indescribable fantasies that made it difficult to think about anything else. Your blood would run cold every time your phone buzzed, just on the off chance that one of your friends, or god forbid your father, see your phone screen. It put you on edge in the best way. This entire thing was already beyond fucked up for more than one reason and yet, you wanted more. So much more. 

Can’t wait to taste you again. 

Can’t wait to hear you scream my name again. 

Hope you haven’t been thinking about anyone else. 

And it was funny, really, because Matt was a perfectly respectable man from the outside. Quiet, unassuming, a dry sense of humour - you never would have taken him of all people to be the one to make you feel so fucking alive. It wasn’t just how good he was in bed, but rather the thrill of it all. Nothing got your motor running like a situation’s potential to disappoint your father but hey. That was for your therapist to deal with. 

Of course, your father had asked several questions about where you’d disappeared too after the gala on Friday. He was more concerned about it had looked for him, and to have his daughter run out on a big charity event. Your mother had been less worried about that part, and more about her vintage Chanel suit. You’d settled both their worries by a) telling your father you’d had stomach problems (because who was gonna ask about that?) and b) promising to send the Chanel off to a dry cleaner. 

It was on a slow Monday afternoon - exactly three days after you’d met him - that Matt sent you a not so dirty text. It was so casual, in fact, that it caught you more off guard than any of the filth he’d sent you over the weekend. 

Wanna grab lunch? 

“Are you okay, honey?”

You blinked, eyes shooting up to your best friend. Okay, maybe not a best friend - those were hard to come by in high-society. She was your most tolerable friend. It had been her idea to get martinis for lunch. Your idea of fun wasn’t exactly sitting around with five rich girls and their daddy’s credit cards but it wasn’t like you had work to do, right? 

Part of you so badly wanted to tell them about the escapade over the weekend - about how much better an older guy was than all their ridiculous, frat-house boyfriends, and how good he’d made you feel. But did you trust them? Not with your damn life. And for risk of being cut out of your father’s will, you figured it was something to keep to yourself. 

“Yeah,” you cleared your throat. “I gotta ditch. My dad needs me to get something from his office.”

Grabbing your jacket - a tan Chanel parka, naturally - you slid out of the booth and straight out of the restaurant. Matt’s number was dialed into your phone before you even hit the street. 

“Matthew, hi!” you greeted him. “I’m down for lunch.”

“Perfect,” you could hear the smile in his voice. “Wanna come by my office?”

“Sure. Want me to grab takeout?”

“It’s okay. I already have lunch here.”

“Okay. Text me the address.”

–

The Nelson & Murdock office wasn’t too far from where you’d been. Hell’s Kitchen wasn’t exactly your stomping ground but your Uber had dropped you off right outside, and you had a taser in your bag. Not to mention the years of Krav Maga and karate that you’d done in high school and college. You could have been a damn vigilante if you wanted to. 

It was the shorter, Nelson half of Nelson and Murdock that saw you first. He seemed taken aback at first - maybe by your expensive appearance, but also maybe because every other person in the room was a middle-aged man there for free legal advice. By the looks of your Chanel bag and red-soled shoes, he figured you probably didn’t need any legal advice for free. Especially not from him. It seemed much more apparent that you had the likes of Jeri Hogarth in your pocket should you need any legal assistance. 

“Hello. Hi.” Foggy greeted you with wide eyes. “Do you have an appointment?”

“Uh, no,” you turned around to face him, sticking out your hand. “You’re Nelson, right?”

“I am Nelson,” he replied, shocked look still not faltering. “How do you know my name?”

“I’m a friend of Matt’s,” you explained. “I don’t suppose he’s around?”

Speak of the devil. Your conversation was cut short by Murdock’s entrance. He looked hot in a suave sort of way; tie loosened around his neck, top button undone and sleeves rolled up. It was the first time you’d seen him since you’d left his apartment early on Saturday morning and frankly, you didn’t know how to act. Most of the men you slept with didn’t invite you to their offices for lunch - hell, most of them didn’t have offices. 

“Hey, Murdock,” you gave him a small wave.

“Hey - come in,” Matt shot you a grin, ushering over to his own office in the corner. 

It was neater than you’d thought it would be; there was a laptop perched on his desk, with a braille translator and a stack of legal files. They were probably the same legal files your dad had, just..the other side of the story. After all, Nelson and Murdock were known for looking out for the little guy. That was much more admirable than daddy dearest and his famously corrupt evidence. 

“Your shirt fits better today,” you commented, shrugging off your jacket. “That’s a real shame.”

“Is that a comment about my arms or the way I dress?”

“I think you know that it’s about your arms.”

You pushed aside the files, hopping up onto Matt’s desk. He had you caged in within a second, broad hands gripping your hips and guiding you up into a kiss. It was a little softer than the ones you’d shared on Friday night - there was less heat; a causal air to it. You didn’t think it was possible to miss the lips of a man you’d fucked exactly once. 

“So,” you murmured against him. “You said you had lunch here.”

“I do,” Matt gave you a shit-eating grin. “You.”

“Matthew!” you hissed, hitting his shoulder. “Did you seriously invite me over here just for a fuck?”

“Not exactly!” he quickly replied, raising his hands in surrender. “I wanted to check in with you and see how you were.”

“Oh, okay,” you raised an eyebrow, pleasantly surprised. “I’m not too bad. I was having lunch with some of my friends when you texted-”

Matt suddenly attached his lips to your neck, teeth gently nipping on the same mark he’d left a few days ago. You didn’t mean to let out a moan, but how could you not? 

“Matthew!” you exclaimed again. 

“No, go on!” he stopped for a second. “I’m listening. You were having lunch with your friends and…”

“And you texted and I was bored, so I left and - Jesus fucking Christ, that feels so good.”

Matt raised an eyebrow. “You left your friends to see me?”

“I would leave my dying Aunt Betty’s bedside to see you,” you said. Without a second thought, you grabbed him by the tie and pulled him back towards you. “Enough catching up. I’m good to have lunch now.”

He gave you a grin and a few moments later, his hands found your way under your ass. Matt shoved aside the pile of legal papers and moved you further onto the desk, lips back on your neck and working a thousand times harder than they had before. Instinctively, you tangled a hand in his hair and just let him have at it. 

The build-up wasn’t as tense as it had been the first time you fucked, but that was because Matt knew you better now. He pretty much had you memorised; the ticklish spot on your neck, the most sensitive spot on your hips, the way you liked his nails to dig into your back just enough to hurt. That was just a testament to him. Who else would remember that? Who else would take the time to learn what you liked after just once? 

“Not that I don’t enjoy this,” Matt paused for a second. “But my lunch break isn’t that long. If we’re gonna do this, we’re gonna have to be quick.”

“You’re real cheap, Matthew Murdock,” you scowled. “Do you invite all girls over here for a fuck disguised as lunch and then rush them?”

“No, not all of them,” he shot back. “Some are more breakfast kinda gals-”

“- oh shut the fuck up.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pulled him back into a kiss. Matt couldn’t help but smile against you - at how badly you wanted him, how you chastised him but still didn’t stop him. 

It was in that moment that you thanked every deity there was that you’d chosen to wear a skirt that day. But frankly, you wouldn’t have given a fuck if Matt had ripped your Versace mini-skirt to shreds. He would have been okay with that too, especially if it meant you have to borrow a shirt of his to leave in. 

Still, Matthew Murdock was nothing if not respectable - at least enough so not to destroy your designer clothes. Instead, he simply pushed it up, large hands making their way to your ass cheeks and giving one of them a light slap. You froze when he did - how many clients were out there in the waiting room right now? Even with the blinds closed and the door shut, how many of them could hear what was going on? 

“Problem?” Matt paused. 

“There are people out there who could hear us-”

“- not with the air conditioning on. Foggy always has it going. Don’t worry.”

You scowled. “How do you know that?”

“Just do.”

Matt wasted no time in resuming his activities. Grabbing you by the hips again, he lifted you with ease and spun you around so that he was the one on the desk, and you were in his lap. The friction of his hard-on in his trousers against your core was almost unbearable and he could tell you were desperate by the way your grip on him suddenly tightened. 

“Look at you,” he grinned. There was something about the way his voice dropped four octaves every time he was about to fuck you. “You’re calling me sloppy but you’re gagging for it, aren’t you?”

You let out a small grumble, shaking your head. “I thought you didn’t have time to tease?”

“You’re lucky that I don’t have time to do a lot of the things I want to do to you, sweetheart,” he said. “Everyone out there would be able to hear me fucking you if I didn’t have to be back in twenty minutes.”

“Matthew,” you growled. “I don’t care how long you have - if you’re not inside me in the next thirty seconds, I’m going somewhere else.”

“I didn’t think there would be many men around at this time willing.”

You let out a derivative snort, acrylic nails dragging down his neck and hand settling ever so gently on his throat. “You think I don’t have plenty of offers? You’re not the only man who can make me scream.”

It was almost like your words awakened something in Matt. In a flash, he’d pulled you off the desk and positioned you against it; there was the sound of his belt and a second later, his dick was inside you. Rock hard and beautiful, and the perfect length to have you clenching around him in mere fucking seconds. 

He wasted no time in pounding into you from behind, one hand tangling his fingers with yours on the desk and the other wrapped around your throat. You had complete and utter trust in him and maybe that was why you placed your own hand over his and encouraged him to squeeze harder. 

Matt’s movements were rapid and consistent: time was of the essence after all, and there was no way in hell he was going back to work until you came. 

It didn’t take much, to be honest. Not when you had his gruff voice muttering things in your ear. It was hard not to make noise then - Matt moved his hand from your throat accordingly, clutching it over your mouth in an attempt to muffle your moans. What an ass. Not to mention that it only made you even fucking louder. 

“Do they make you feel this good?” he teased. “Do they?”

He managed to hit the right spot over and over and it wasn’t long before you felt that knot in your stomach. It was a plunge; like a plane falling out of the sky, anything that caused a sharp drop in your gut. The room was practically spinning around you as you came undone, red acrylics digging into the skin of Matt’s arm for some kind of relief. 

“There we go, sweetheart,” Matt murmured. He softened his pace, slowing down for a minute to revel in his own high. “Good girl.”

He released his hand from your mouth, chest heaving against your back for a minute as you both came down from your respective orgasms. A broad arm wrapped around your waist, steadying you. Matthew Murdock was a gentleman, even when he was rearranging your guts. 

You slowly turned around to face him, pulling him into another desperate kiss. 

“Are you free tomorrow night?” Matt softly asked. 

“Yeah, I am,” you ran a hand down his chest, faltering for a second. “Why? You gonna take me out for dinner?”

“Yeah, but an actual meal. It’s not a euphemism, I promise,” he gave you a grin. 

You returned the gesture for a minute, a wide smile on your face - but then it faltered. “Matthew, I would love for you to take me on a date, and I adore spending time with you but…”

“But what?”

“My dad,” you groaned, dropping your head into his shoulder. “If anyone catches me with you, I’m done for - as hot as that is.”

Matt couldn’t help but chuckle. “Okay, fine. What if we just hang out at my apartment and get take out? You can dress like a slob and no-one will see us.”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” your smile quickly returned. “But I am not dressing like a slob. I wear Chanel or I wear nothing.”

“I would much prefer if you wore nothing.”

tags: @walkintheprk @lunarxeclipse

[vannybarber]

The Prenup

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part Two Part Three Part Four Final Chapter

Scrounging through the little desk in the corner of Chris and you's bedroom, you hear him let out a boisterous laugh.

He was watching some movie and there was a certain part that he found so hilarious. After 4 years of watching it with him constantly, you still don't get what's so funny. But it makes him happy so that's what matters.

You were searching for the wine opener so Scott could get his middle-aged-4-kids-divorcee vibe on. You cleaned the other day and stuck it in there after a nightly dose of freakydeaky from Chris, which consisted of wine, whipped cream, and a many different forms of chocolate.

After what seemed like forever, you find the corkscrew and grin at your accomplishment. You take one more look in the drawer out of habit and you spot a big orange envelope with Chris' name on it. Being the nosy curious person you are, you take the envelope out and get a good look at it. You see the words Prenuptial Agreement in bold and your heart drops.

Chris had proposed to you 9 months ago and you were happy beyond words. After being together for 4 years, he finally put away his commitment troubles and made you his fianceé. And now you find out he's going to get you to sign a prenup. A fucking prenup.

You look around the room at loss for words. You were angry, hurt and confused. After 4 years of being together, he doesn't have faith in his own judgment that you guys would be together forever? You both have been through literally everything. There isn't one thing you don't know about each other. Your relationship was rare and it was special.

After moments of contemplation, you decide you would confront him on it. There's no way you could carry on the night and sleep after this. Not until you get your answers. Closing the drawer, you take a sharp breath and exhale before walking out the room. You get back to the dining table where Lisa and his siblings surrounded.

"Here you go Scott" you say slamming the corkscrew on the table in front of him. He looks up at you, puzzled. You glance at him then at Chris and he's looking at you just the same. Evidently your tone matched your movements because everyone went silent. You draw back and put both hands behind your back and huff.

"Babe, are you alright?" It was Christopher talking to you now. Your attention goes to him and your lips are in a thin line. Refraining from blowing up at him, you force smile on your face and change your tone of voice.

"What do you mean, honey? I'm fine." You should leave the acting to Chris honestly. That's definitely not your field of expertise. Shifting on your right foot, you stare at him. He shuffles and tilts his head with a knowing look.

"Spill it Y/N. What's up?"

"The flames when I burn this damn house down." So much for not blowing up. You snatch the envelope in front of you and chuck it on the table. Everyone watches the exchange and the envelope fly to the table. All their faces change from confusion to shock and even more confusion.

Chris didn't even need to look down to know it was the prenup. His eyes went from you to the wall. Guilt written all over it, you almost wish you gave a shit. You wonder how long he was going to keep this hidden from you. No need to wonder now.

"You want to explain to me why you have a prenup?" You place your hand on your hip and roll your neck at him.

"I got that for us."

You swear to everything you wanted to lunge at him right then and there. 'I got that for us'. Why do people always use that excuse for everything? They weren't thinking about you, just themselves and expected you to go along with it.

"You got it for us? I know you didn't do this on your own. Who put you up to it?" You look around the room. Scott has his hands up shaking his head. Carly and Shanna both let out a quiet "not me". You look at Lisa who had this look of hurt.

"Chris, you tell me everything. How did I not know about this? Why didn't you tell me?" Well now you know she didn't suggest it. You feel slightly guilty for letting it cross your mind, but you had your reasons.

"Ma, I had my reasons. I kept it hidden because I didn't know how I felt about it myself" he says rubbing his face and fixing his hair under his cap. Still didn't answer your question.

"Christopher, who put you up to this? Tell me now!" You're getting fired up by the minute. You have an idea who it could be too.

"Megan. She thought that it would be smart to consider. Just to protect me."

"Megan." Your voice is laced with absolute venom. "You know Chris, she does a good job keeping you out of trouble and bullshit so you're not all over the tabloids, but sometimes, her ass is too much!"

Chris is never in the news for anything negative. He's always minding his business and moving quietly. Megan is a great publicist, but she can be pretty overbearing about his personal life. She gave you side eye for like the entire first year of you guys' relationship.

"Baby, she was just looking out for me. You know how it is, women getting with you for your money. Guys loose half of everything they have when getting divorces."

You can't even believe it.

"I am not 'women'. I'm your fianceé. We've been together 4 years, Chris! After all this time your material things come before me?" Tears are puddled at your eyes now and your voice is cracking. This catches his attention.

"I told you from the start Chris, that I never cared about your money! Never have and never will. I am used to not having much. I'm not money hungry or concerned for having top tier everything. I've learned to settle."

"Y/N, I didn't mea-" you slam your hand on the table, making everyone jump. Chris shuts his mouth.

"I'm. Not. Finished. I am not marrying your bank account. I'm not marrying your cars. I'm not marrying your house. I don't give a damn about any of that shit. And you literally are still concerned about all of that?" Your face is wet and your nose is runny. You wipe your nose and cross your arms.

"It's not even like that!" Now he's getting upset. For literally nothing. This is his fault. "It's just in case it doesn't work out, we don't need to deal with all the extra mess."

That completely shattered you. In case it doesn't work out. He actually has thoughts that your marriage couldn't work. What would even cause that? You guys don't even argue. You don't even remember the last time you did. You've learned to understand what each other needs and mastered that. What is he on about?

"You know what the sad part is? Us not working out crossed my mind in, like, the first year of our relationship. And I decided that if we did get married, and God forbid we divorced, I wouldn't take anything from you."

He looked at you like he just found out he wasn't the father of your baby.

"Yeah, Chris. That's your money. You made it, not me, so why would I ask for any of it from you? You gave me an amazing relationship and thats enough for me."

"Oh my goodness." Everyone directs their attention to Scott. "So you wouldn't want anything from the divorce?"

"Of course not! I came in this relationship for him. Plus a make my own money. I don't need anyone else's."

You had your own business. Many employees at different buildings in Boston. You didn't have much growing up and you were proud of yourself for not having to worry about financial issues. Chris liked that you had your own thing going and didn't have to adapt to his life and depend on him financially. And he still got a prenup.

Feeling like you were gonna cry again, you rub your temples and take deep breaths to prevent it. But you failed and started crying more. Chris got up and moved to stand in front of you.

"Baby, I'm sorry I upset you. I thought you would be okay with this. Like you said, you don't care about my money so what's wrong with the prenup?" His hands were on your sides, but not for long as you shook them off of you.

"What's wrong with it? What this is telling me is three things. You have doubt that our marriage won't work out, you think I might change my mind and ask for alimony, and that your money comes before me."

"I..." he struggles to form words. You take this chance to get out of there.

"I really don't want to be here right now." Chris looks up and grabs your arm.

"Babe, you don't need to go. Where the hell are you gonna go?" You turn and grab the envelope from the table. You open it and pull the papers out, shoving it in his face.

"I'll go to a hotel or something, but I'm not staying here if this is the shit you're trying to pull with me." You turn the paper to you and look in disgust. You scan over it and your eyes fall on the dotted line where you need to sign. Beside it is where he needed to sign his.

Well not anymore.

You read over his signature on the line. Chris Evans.

He signed the prenup already. Now he was just waiting for your signature. He really was leaving you zero choice.

"You signed it already??" Everyone at the table head snapped up. Shanna gasped and covered her mouth. Lisa mumbles an "oh no" under her breath.

"So you were just going to bring it to me and expect me to sign it with no fight, huh?"

Chris says nothing, but his face is red. You don't wait for a response and walk to your shoes and your bag. Already having everything in there, you slip your shoes on and walk back to Chris.

"Just a heads up, you brought this on yourself."

You whip around and walk to the fireplace. You chuck the papers and envelope in the blaze and turn back to him.

"You can forget about that damn prenup, cause I'm not signing it. As a matter a fact, you don't even have to worry about that because there won't be a chance of us divorcing." You force a smile and clasp your hands together. Lisa and Scott rise from the table panicking.

"Babe, no-"

"Forget the wedding, this engagement and all of it. You can take this fucking ring too." You pry the ring off your fingers and throw it at him. It hits his chest and falls at his feet.

"I'm not marrying you."

You turn on your heel, grab your purse and jacket, walking out the door, leaving the Evans' speechless.

Was this too dramatic? I have my own opinions on a prenup, but maybe it's not as big as it seems? Idk🥴.

masterlist

[benene-the-banana]

Eddie As An Uncle Headcanons

My hcs about if Eddie was an Uncle bcuz yes

Totally wont be basing these off of what I think could work and mostly based off his uncle-niece dynamic with my oc Bean Idk what ur talking about. Before I get into this Yes I understand he is NOT canonically an uncle, Yes I understand some of my hcs could be a stretch you don't have to like them and its okay if you don't I don't expect everyone to have the same hcs or even like the Uncle Eddie idea But that doesnt mean I cant have fun with a silly idea that brings me comfort/happiness or that I cant use this to help me cope with my own issues. So if you dont like these you can keep it to yourself. Block me if you have to but dont try to invalidate MY hcs especially when they're NOT problematic and made just for fun. So without further adu lets get into the hcs now shall we since I've gotten that lil explanation out of the way. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. He’d be a pretty fun and goofy uncle. Though he wont be afraid to be strict with the kid when he has to. He may be fun/goofy/etc but he still is responsible and considers it his responsibility to be able to put his foot down

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. I feel like Eddie would have a fatherly side to him + soft spot for kids. So he would probably treat the niece and/or nephew as if they were his own kid He probably also lovingly refers to the kid as “my kid/kiddo” He doesn't care if that's “just his niece/nephew” If he says that's his kid then that's his kid End of story You can’t change his mind ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Due to his fatherly side and very likely close bond he’d have the kid he’d probably be the Godfather if not some other relative. I can definitely see Eddie willing to take that sort of responsibility I think his only concern tho would be that he doesn't live on his own He lives with his friends so that may be a bit harder to arrange and have the kid adjust to. Other than that he would be great at that role bcuz he was probably already like a 3rd parent type of uncle anyways

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. He’d show off embarrassing baby/toddler pictures bcuz he’d be the proud and wanting to show off his kid type but also he does find it kinda funny to embarrass his kiddo in that sorta way ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. If the kid really wanted to ESPECIALLY when they were little They could've find a way to get him to spoil them and it wouldn't have been hard for them to be a suck up and he would've spoiled that little kid ROTTEN. He’d stop spoiling them as much when they become a teen and stuff but he would occasionally spoil them still Just ya know not at the same extent Which is pretty fair its not like as a teen theyre gonna want as much stuff as they did when they were little anyways ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. He’d give embarrassing nicknames just to mess with the kid ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. He can have a tendency to be overprotective While his heart would be in the right place and would mean well Doesnt mean he cant get unnecessary with it like god forbid the kid starts dating someone or some shit He’d try to have it under control but if he senses the kid’s partner could cause trouble, break their heart or some bad shit towards his kid He is NOT having it like nuh-uh none of that shit he’s getting ready to bury a body That one Family Guy scene is literally going to be him

// blood + knife in the next upcoming image so get ready to scroll past it if you dont want to see it

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

And also involving his more protective side He’d also probably look something like this If really sent into some protective uncle version of a Papa Bear or Papa Wolf mode Whatever tf its called with protective dads/dad figures

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. Gets the kid stuff their parent says theyre not allowed to have to annoy tf out of his sibling/friend (whoever is the parent of his niece/nephew) Like the kid cant have loud toys? Looks like its time to get them 20 of em ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9. Says the dumbest/weirdest shit to make his kid laugh In typical goofy weird uncle manner ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. He’s the self proclaimed “Favorite Uncle” And he takes pride in the Favorite Uncle title Whats funny is that while it is just him claiming to be the favorite even without confirmation from the kid(s) he might actually be the favorite Or could definitely be up there in terms of favorite uncles for the kid ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11. He SO WOULD BE THE EMBARRASSINGLY SUPPORTIVE UNCLE Lemme give an example with my AB Oc Bean So I have it written in canon that when she is 17 and is currently playing in her highschool’s volleyball team and whenever she was little she played Little League Softball And I could so see Eddie embarrassing the absolute HELL out of her during her games/tournaments Hes just yelling at her from the stands “WHOOO HELL YEAH BEANIE YOURE DOING GREAT!!” “THATS MY GIRL!!” Or some shit like that and not only does he do that but nearby ppl in the stands have to deal with Eddie pointing Bean out and going “You see her? THATS MY NIECE!” In his embarrassingly proud way And poor Bean is beyond embarrassed hiding her face with her hand or any other way to hide and her teammates could look at her and go “So thats your uncle?” And Beans just like “Him? No I dont even know him” And Eddie still continues his embarrassing antics bcuz why wouldn’t he XDD Eddie isnt normally the embarrassing type of uncle but this is definitely a time where he does become that ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- And that is all I have for now! If I do come up with more later I can try to add them! If you guys also have ideas I would love to hear them especially for the other members of Alpha Team bcuz I dont have nearly as many or as in thought and I really want more for them! I really would love to hear them especially bcuz in my opinion this is a fun and interesting hc topic idea for em

[shepard-ram]

💐 OKAY SO LIKE. scu!Tommy. is he evil? yeah technically. is he also just a little guy? ABSOLUTELY. i want to take him to a baseball game and buy him popcorn and then punt him into the sun a little. but i can’t do any of those things due to obstacles such as the fact that he is a fictional character, therefore i will write headcanons for him instead.

so predictably, i would be like “yandere material” but like. how are you gonna be a yandere in the apocalypse. think abt it: you can’t kill people who look at your darling the wrong way or find a super secure safe place to hide them in because the world has literally ended and there are no people or safe places. SO INSTEAD WE GET A CLINGY LITTLE GUY!!!

(NOTE: this involves spoilers for the slimecicle 100 days in a hardcore apocalypse video, mentions of cannibalism + death, general zombie stuff, etc. etc.)

- there are two ways this could go: either you’re a zombie or someone who’s like immune to the zombie virus (like him maybe??) because we saw how he reacts to normal human survivors cbkdvdkdb

- so let’s start with zombie!reader!!

- maybe you were already his friend before the apocalypse, but then that happened, and you had an accidental brush with a zombie… or maybe he infected you on purpose? who knows??

- it’s 100% not an equal relationship, because i mean. you’re a zombie, you’re like, half conscious at best, but you’re his favorite zombie by far!

- he’ll gladly lead you to prey when you grow hungry, and even if you’re no longer capable of getting tired or feeling pain, he tries to keep you safe and comfortable because that’s what friends do, right? you don’t have the mind to take care of yourself anymore, so it’s his responsibility to do it for you.

- and if someone were to ever hurt you, or - god forbid - kill you, well… god have mercy on that poor soul, because Tommy sure won’t.

- so super funny story: this actually got really long so i think i’m gonna send it in in two bits so!! part two coming in a second!

💐 part two of scu!Tommy let’s gooooo

- on that note! things get a bit more complicated if you’re a human infectee; it’s not as simple as shambling around in a vaguely endearing manner.

- you’re not exactly “immune” to the virus, just the part of it that turns you into a mindless corpse, for starters, which you learned the hard way when you got bit by a zombie.

- it was the most stressful day in your life oh my GOD, you went to sleep thinking you were never going to wake up again and then you did?? and you were fine???? weird!!

- getting infected has a bunch of side effects, as it turns out: you’re stronger, faster, more resilient, zombies ignore you… oh, and you’re loosely connected to the zombie hivemind!

- you found out that last one when you were chilling, and suddenly felt a tug at the back of your brain, leading you towards… something.

- that “something” turned out to be the most pathetic looking boy you’ve ever seen in your life???? for some reason?????

- Tommy has nooo idea what to think of you at first. you’re clearly infected, but still human, and and you can’t talk to zombies the way he can.

- and he eats rotten flesh oh my god where are this kid’s parents.

- Tommy has nooo idea what to think of you at first. you’re clearly infected, but still human, and and you can’t talk to zombies the way he can.

- he even tried sending a few after you once, but they just walked past you! that’s super weird!

- eventually, you two grow used to each other’s presence - it’s nice to be able to talk to someone and know they won’t die, even if Tommy goes and disappears for days on end sometimes. probably just him being quirky?

- but you wait anyways. what else is there for you to do?

- until he leaves with a giant horde of zombies. you wait for him to come back like he always does, but days turn into weeks turn into months and there’s no sign of him.

oops i didn’t mean for that to get depressing! my bad!

YOOOOOOOO little rabid zombie controller Tommy!!

Rather you're actually a slightly more conscious zombie, or a strange half-infected this kid still latches onto any sort of companionship. It's hard to get your needed social interaction in a life threatening apocalypse. It's nice to have someone that's not trying to kill you around

[tenthgrove]

Hello, I just saw that you opened your request. I'm the one who ended up writing a whole prompt! Imagine this for each member from La Squadra: they had an one-night stand with a random woman, she accidentally got pregnant and decided to have the baby without telling them. After a while, the woman got ill and passed away, but not without before sending her child with their father (let's imagine she has the direction of their hideout even if it's ooc, or she knew where they hang out). So, one day someone knocks the door and introduces themselves as the kid of one of the members/if it's too young, someone left them on the door with a explainatory note... How do you think each member would react by discovering that they have a child and they're supposed to take care of them from now? You can make each kid with different ages if you want, it would be funny to see Prosciutto or Ghiaccio dealing with a rebellious teenage son or Risotto trying to take care of a toddler, but I guess not all of them would want to keep their children. Sorry if it's a lot, haha.

La Squadra did a Diavolo

La Squadra x Reader, Platonic/Familial, SFW

A/N: your idea about mixing up the ages got me thinking, and I ended up using randomisers for the children’s ages (though I did consciously change some of them) and genders. It added a fun bit of chance to this prompt.

Formaggio, with an 8 year old daughter

The whole thing feels surreal to him. There's a little girl on his doorstep calling herself his daughter and by all evidence, it's true. He doesn't really know how to feel about it at first. On one hand it's kind of cool he had a kid all this time and you're clearly a lovely girl, but on the other hand, what the fuck? Still, not being the practical sort, his sense of sentiment far outweighs any question of how he's actually going to look after a child, so without much deliberation, Formaggio agrees to let you stay.

Formaggio isn't too experienced with kids but he doesn't exactly dislike them either, so he figures he knows what to do. At your age you can at least do the basics of looking after yourself, so he isn't too worried. The only problem is that if you ask him to cook for you or help clean your room, his eyes go very wide. He never quite picked up those skills himself, he's afraid, so you're going to have to ask someone else for that one.

The good news is that Formaggio is a very easy-going, fun sort of dad, who is a natural at playing with you and lets you do what you want when he can't be around. He quickly gets used to showing affection to you, letting you cuddle up to him on the sofa in front of the squad and even carrying you around once in a while. He gives amazing piggy back rides.

The bad news (or more good news, depending on how you are) is that you have to leave school. Risotto says that at your age you can't be trusted not to tell anyone your new family is a bunch of assassins, and taking you to and from school each day would be too much of a hassle. Nonetheless, you're welcome to continue your education from home, though Formaggio will hardly push you if you don't keep up with it. Melone is much better on that front.

Despite the risk, Formaggio can't bring himself to force you to lose all your friends, so he lets you keep meeting with them. Furthermore, he knows a few guys in other squads who have kids about your age, so he's happy to introduce you to them if you want a friend you can be more honest about your home life with. Formaggio might not have a clue what he's doing, but he's doing pretty good.

Illuso, with a 3 year old daughter

He's been fearing this day would come for years. A small child knocking on the door of the hideout, holding a note in hand addressed to him, just as a shady looking car drives away. Yeah, Illuso remembers your mother pretty well and he remembers the distinct lack of precautions they took during their encounter. Now, the consequences of his actions are here at his house, and Risotto is currently standing in the doorway of the office looking ready to give him the biggest dressing-down of his life.

After his tongue-lashing, Illuso frantically agrees to take responsibility for what he's done and see to it that you're well cared for, and begins the task of looking for relatives who might take you. Unfortunately, none of your mother's family can be traced, and Illuso can't exactly call up his own right now. Leaving you on the door of an orphanage isn't an option because you're old enough to say where you've come from, so it looks like for the time being, Illuso is stuck with you.

Initially, Illuso is not thrilled. He pawns you off on Melone, Sorbet and Gelato whenever possible and tries to live his life as before. But increasingly, he can't help finding himself visiting your room whenever he's stressed or has had a bad mission. There's something so pure about gently stroking your hair as you sleep. He can't help but feel... attachment, as he rubs his thumb against your tiny palm.

From then on, Illuso starts to make a point of spending more time with you. You're at the age where you just want to touch and explore everything you're given, so letting you make a mess with his makeup and beauty creams is an easy way for him to observe and learn about you. He even starts doing the more practical things like washing and feeding you every so often.

Eventually, Illuso becomes an actual father to you. He loves you as a father should and puts his time into making you happy. Illuso is glad he didn't give you away, as you've opened his eyes to so many things. For the first time in many years, he feels human. He feels redeemable.

Prosciutto, with a 13 year old son

As you tell him your story Prosciutto racks his brains. He didn't have many one-night-stands in his youth but the ones he did have were so far back he barely remembers them, so your mother's name doesn't immediately ring any bells. If it weren't for the striking resemblance between you, Prosciutto probably would have thrown you out for a liar there and then. But as you are, it's clear you're being honest. He lets you in.

After a short interrogation by Risotto to make certain you aren't acting on behalf of some third party looking to infiltrate the squad, it's agreed you can stay, so long as you keep quiet about it to your friends. At your age you can largely look after yourself and all you really needed was a roof over your head, so there's no problem with you moving into the spare room as long as you stay out of the others' way.

Education isn't much of an issue either, since you're likely well settled in your current school and can get yourself there and back. Just whatever you do, don't go telling anyone you live with a bunch of gangsters now. Prosciutto means it, you could seriously put yourself in danger if you do that.

Much to your father's ire, you end up befriending several members of the squad, especially the younger ones like Melone, Ghiaccio and Pesci who have some generational overlap with how you were raised. Prosciutto would rather you didn't do this but at the end of the day, he can't really stop you. God forbid you call him an old boomer again.

Your relationship is overall positive- Prosciutto makes a point of taking you on outings when he has the time, and giving you parental advice when you need it. However that doesn't stop you from making fun of his stuffy, old habits, and playing the moral high ground in regards to his work.

On that note, the problem comes when you develop an interest in the squad's work. It's only inevitable, given how pervasive the topic is in conversations around the house, and the fact you're more than old enough to know what a gang is, but the day you first ask him about it is no less welcome. What's scary is that you're about the same age as Passione's youngest recruits and, well, if you ended up joining them because of him, Prosciutto might never forgive himself.

Pesci, with a 6 month old son

He knew it had been a mistake. Not long after his 18th birthday he'd given in to the squad's pestering about his virginity and finally gotten rid of it just to shut them up. Now he's ridden with guilt. Not only did the poor woman get pregnant because of him but now she's died. He can't help but wonder, the letter attached to the basket you came in was very vague after all, was your mother's death at all related to your birth? If so, Pesci doesn't know how he'll forgive himself.

Pesci immediately panics and stumbles into his Fra's bedroom crying louder than you are. Prosciutto remains calm, advising him to first make sure this actually is his baby through Melone, in case this is somebody trying to trick him, and to then think through his options rationally. As far as Prosciutto sees it, he has two. He can either see to it that you're taken in by a caring, reliable individual, or he can keep you for himself. Surprisingly, Prosciutto's actually okay with the second one, since in his eyes duty to one's family is absolute.

Pesci stammers a bit and asks if he can wait a few days to make his mind up, which Prosciutto permits. But it isn't long at all until Pesci is far too attached to you to ever let you go, and it becomes clear you'll be staying for the long-run. Risotto is hardly happy about this but agrees with Prosciutto's sentiment of family, so he doesn't try to insist you be sent away.

Pesci is an incredibly loving father. He'll dash from the other side of the house at a moment's notice if he hears you crying. That said, being so young himself it's inevitable he requires some help with raising you. Sorbet and Gelato chip in quite regularly, as does Melone when Pesci is desperate enough to fall on using him. Prosciutto helps out too, being your uncle, and occasionally you've even had Risotto answer your cries.

La Squadra can only hope their situation improves somehow in the coming years, since Pesci has no idea how he's going to deal with an older child in a house full of assassins. At very least, being so young it's a long time before he has to worry about things like school. For now, what's important is that you are loved very dearly. Pesci has discovered a new protective streak in himself, something he discovers every time he looks in your eyes.

Melone, with a 4 year old son

When you arrived you were frightened and confused. You struggled to babble out the story you were told to tell as the strange men crowded around you in the front room of the house. Then, a bizarre looking man with purple hair pushed to the front of the crowd, insisting he knew what to do in a situation like this. He carried you somewhere quiet, and gently asked you to repeat your story again. You told him you were looking for your father, Melone.

Melone is elated. He's always wanted a child, but getting into a relationship stable enough to produce one has never been an option with the life he lives. Now the happy accident he never new he had has come home to him! Carrying you back to the living room, Melone introduces you as his son and announces to the team that he will be keeping you.

This is met with some protest. Not only are you of the age where you'll need constant supervision, but quite frankly, nobody trusts Melone to take care of a kid. Melone refutes their accusations harshly, making it absolutely clear he will not be giving you up without a fight. Finally, Risotto surrenders, on the terms that if he catches any signs of abuse or neglect, he will see to it personally that you are re-homed elsewhere.

Melone's parenting style is relatively laid-back. He believes parents should be a 'safe base' from which children should explore the world, coming back when they need advice but ultimately following their own whims within reason. He encourages you to play as you wish and does not stop you from bonding with the rest of the squad. Finding supervision for you while he's on missions proves to be a non-issue, since his stand's massive range means he can often do most of a mission's work at home.

When the time comes to educate you, Melone decides against the risks of enrolling you in school. He is an amazing teacher and can teach you everything you'd need in half the hours of a typical curriculum. Beyond the essentials of literacy and simple maths, Melone largely encourages you to follow you own interests rather than stick to some boring, arbitrary list of useless things a normal curriculum for some reason expects you to learn.

That said, he knows the importance of making friends, so he frequently takes you out to meet with neighbourhood children. All-in-all, the squad is surprised at his sensible parenting choices, and the happy child you are turning out to be.

Ghiaccio, with a 2 year old son

It's almost comedic the lengths Ghiaccio goes to to avoid the problem. As the others crowd around you in Melone's lap, Ghiaccio cowers in the corner insisting that you absolutely cannot be his. It's very obvious you are, of course. You look almost exactly like him, and have a cry to match. You've even inherited the same, mild visual impairments that earned him his glasses. There's no getting away from the truth.

After accepting the truth, Ghiaccio takes you away to his room to 'clear his head' before deciding where to send you in the morning, but when morning comes, that deliberation time quickly turns into a few more days, then a month, then never. It's clear Ghiaccio's become attached to you, and he cannot bring himself to give you away.

Unfortunately, he doesn't have the foggiest clue in hell how to look after a toddler. He has a hard enough time understanding what it is adults want from him, let alone small children. There are times he even considers giving you away again, but they never last long enough for him to go through with it. Bit by bit, he slowly learns how to be a father.

Melone is his primary co-parent. As cautious as Ghiaccio is about letting him around his baby, it soon becomes clear Melone can understand your needs far better than he can. The pair have many sessions together teaching Ghiaccio how to do things like wash you or cook your food. It's honestly a massive help, and probably the main reason Ghiaccio doesn't completely melt down within a month of having you.

These issues aside, Ghiaccio is a person who is very genuine in his affections. He would break the shins of anyone who even looked at you threateningly, and every fibre of his being wants you to be happy. He even learns to control his temper, as he knows from experience just how damaging an angry parent can be for a child. He's going to give you a better childhood than what his parents gave him, and that's a promise.

Risotto, with a 6 year old daughter

Well, perhaps this ought to have been expected. In his early 20s Risotto was really far less careful than he ought to be in regards to his encounters, so he probably had this coming. You are at a difficult age, old enough to understand your father is a criminal but young enough to still need his care. If he takes you in, there will be many challenges. And yet he cannot bring himself to turn you away. Looking at you he feels... obligation.

In the early days he tries his best to shelter you. He keeps you in his room and tells the others not to talk to you. But that's no way for you to live, and he knows it. Eventually, he swallows his fears and lets you explore your new home, even taking you out to the park a few minutes each day so you can run around. He talks to Melone about continuing your education, and asks Sorbet and Gelato if they'd let the spare room next to them be turned into a bedroom for you. He's going to make sure he raises you right.

Risotto may be quiet and introverted, but do not mistake that for emotionally distant. He does not underestimate his vital role in your emotional well-being, and is quick to pick up on when you are feeling sad or lonely. He makes sure to pick you up in his arms and ask what's wrong when that happens.

Though he didn't know her well, he mourns your mother with you, and is very watchful for the signs of attachment issues that may result from losing a parent at such a tender age. Being all you have left, Risotto gains a new instinct of self-preservation. For the first time in years, his life has meaning.

In terms of bonding, he prefers calm activities that allow him to passively observe your interests, such as watching movies or reading you books. When he's working in his office and doesn't need his camera on, he's happy for you to sit in his lap as long as you're quiet. He would ask if you don't read what's on his screen, though, at least not while you're so young. He'll give you a better explanation of what he's doing some day, but not just yet.

Sorbet and Gelato, with a 12 year old daughter

First of all, let's make clear that regardless of which one is biologically your father, they both feel equal responsibility for you. No doubt they were both present for your conception anyway, so as far as they're concerned, if one of them has a secret kid from a hookup, they both have a secret kid from a hookup.

Having always wanted children, they are happy when you appear on the doorstep and introduce yourself as their daughter. Though they don't say it out loud to avoid upsetting you, they kind of wish your mum had kicked it sooner so they could have raised you from a younger age, but they're more than happy to make do with what they've got. There's no hesitation in welcoming you to live with them permanently, and anyone who has a problem with this isn't brave enough to say it.

Right from the get-go they are very permitting parents, awarding you a generous helping of their cash each week and having a rule list that pretty much starts and ends with "don't talk to the police." Despite your age they don't expect you to be independent, and are happy to cook for you and help you out with other things when you ask. It seems parenthood was made for them.

Despite all this, there is one problem in your relationship that is making things difficult. That of your fathers' work. You're 12 years old and you aren't stupid. You know they kill for a living and you know they enjoy it. When you stumble into the bathroom at 1am to find them covered in blood and laughing together, there's no making excuses. No matter how good they are with you, this is going to make you afraid of them.

Sorbet and Gelato are incredibly stringent in solving these early issues. After all these years they've finally got the family they wanted, and they aren't going to let it slip away from their own cruelty. They are honest with you about their occupation, since they want you to know you can trust them, and make absolutely clear it won't affect their care for you. You are welcome to ask questions and receive honest answers, but other than that Sorbet and Gelato will make a point of not accidentally causing you to witness something you shouldn't.

With them, you are welcome to continue your old life in terms of school and friends. They want to spend time with you, but they don't want to overtake your existence completely. When you are up for it, they are keen to take you on outings that interest you so you can spend time together as a family. They hope you know how happy you make them.