#like gender is a social construct doesn't JUST mean you can use any pronouns you want and dress how you want

[menlove]

okay actually no I'm NOT done bc so many people on here will hear someone say "men are an oppressive class who hold social power and privilege" and SCREAM bioessentialism but literally no part of that is bioessentialism in fact it's LITERALLY the opposite. like no men ARENT biologically oppressive and evil or whatever. they aren't biologically superior or stronger or more violent or anything. SOCIETY put them in a position of power and based all our gender norms around that. this is such basic shit it's actually exhausting.

everyone wants to parrot "gender is a social construct" until you actually start talking about what that means and who that construct is benefitting and why

[raythekiller]

YOU NEED TRANSMASC REQUESTS???? I CAN GIVE YOU TRANSMASC REQUESTS!!!!!! :D

begging on my hands and knees for some headcanons for Jeff, toby and hoodie with the transmasc!s/o, where reader is on his period and like SUPER dysphoric, I’m talking like doesn’t want to look at himself, get touched or speak to anyone cause the dysphoria is so bad and he’s lowkey miserable 😭

I NEED COMFORT OK 💔💔💔

🗒 ❛ Dysphoric Reader On His Period ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ticci Toby, Hoodie

#Notes: big mood

pronouns used: none, but male! reader

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꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer

He'll try to let his teenage boy-like disgust over the fact there's blood coming out of your intimates aside cause he knows this is already taking a toll on you. He'll just kind of awkwardly pat on on the back while going "There, there, little guy" as if that'd make you feel any better. When you squirm away from his touch, he'll realize this is probably a little worse than he thought it was and get even more awkward. Look, Jeff doesn't do feelings well, so he might not be the best at comforting, but he'll listen if you want to vent, not really adding any input himself. A friendly ear is all you'll get from him.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby

He's best friends with Cody, who I headcanon to be transmasc as well, so he definitely has a better starting point than Jeff. Won't let you isolate in your room and be miserable - he won't stand for that. He'll literally drag you outside if he has to, has a very aggressive way of showing that he cares. Absolutely suggests a makeover, he'll dress you up super nicely and convince you to look in the mirror, all the while saying how handsome you look. Makes sure you shower and eat properly as well, no buts, your well being is important to him. Brings you any supplies you need for your period as well as snacks. Overall super caring and considerate.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Hoodie

Honestly I feel like he has a very loose idea on gender, by which I mean he doesn't care for it, so he might not totally understand your struggle. Hold on, let me try to explain it better - he honestly and genuinely doesn't care for labels or how people perceive him as or what pronouns others use for him or anything like that. Gender is a social construct anyway, why should he give a shit? But you care, and he doesn't completely understand why. Still, he knows you're struggling and he's not about to ignore it. Will make sure your period is well taken care of with tampons and chocolate and pain killers while also trying to make you feel better about yourself. If you feel like a guy, then you are one, and that's it. Who cares what others think - it's you that matters, and he'll tell you that every day if he has to.

[realitys-ex]

On Dwarf Gender in Discworld

So, Dwarfish gender stuff is clearly something that PTerry decided to add in later [I can't recall the first time it came up in any form, but I am 90% sure it was with Littlebottom], seeing as in earlier books he does use 'she' when Carrot is sending letters home, and he differentiates between Mom and Dad, which one can assume wouldn't happen in the mono-gender Dwarf world (admittedly it could happen, but I think with an ex-nihlo construction it wouldn't).

Now I have seen people attempt to explain Carrot's letters, but it always felt a tad flat to me.

Tbh, there is a lot of world building that happens in the Early Discworld books that gets retconned to one degree or another in later ones (the behavior of trolls changes, the set up of the university with its schools of magic disappears, the Dungeon of Dimensions becomes a non-factor, Hell with its Devils doesn't even get a nod after Eric, etc.).

This is not really a complaint, the books grew, as did PTerry's writing skill and ideas. This is just an observation.

So some of his ideas weren't fully thought out or explored.

And I really feel like Dwarf Gender is one of them.

So we have established that Dwarfs have a single Gender both Linguistically and Culturally/sociologically. They recognize another sex, obviously, but as something private that effects nothing outside of the bedroom, and should not be spoken about.

And that Gender is Dwarf-Man (which is, btw something that somewhat bothered me. shouldn't it just be dwarf? If they had an issue with knowing that someone was a woman, wouldn't that mean they have equal issue knowing that someone was a man? For a simple purpose of 'if person A tells me they are a man which is socially acceptable to do, but person B says nothing, I can infer that they are not man.'? Like, I understand the point that Pratchett was making would not have been served that way, but still).

But anyway, Littlebottom adopts some human-female gender norms, and what happens in the books happens.

But well, aside from the slight annoyance of Human Gender Norms being the Gender Norms, the concept of possible impact to Dwarf Society is never explored!

For example, accepting everything above, Dwarf society is Sexism (genderism?) free, due to the fact that outside the bedroom, there is no Sex. You can't bar women from jobs etc. if there are no women.

But now there might be women. Will human style sexism enter Dwarf culture? Will Dwarfs be barred from being Low King or Grag?

What about linguistics? Obviously Dwarvish would have no female pronoun, so would they add one? Is Dwarvish a gendered language that they need to create a full new set of styles for?

I know that none of these things would be the focus of a book, but I would have loved it if it got a bit of a spotlight.

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

Fun fact about my agender ass I fully believed that gender identity did not exist until I was like fourteen

Like I had not experienced it so I assumed nobody else had. Now I know that gender, the gender binary, gender roles, are all social constructs, but from my understanding, gender identity isn't. Many many people are born with a gender identity in their brain, and sometimes it is the one they are expected to have, and sometimes it isn't, and sometimes it changes over time, and sometimes it develops over time, but most people have some gender identity in some way.

I, as well as some other people, just, don't.

And I had no way of knowing that anyone else experienced this. I really thought it was just a game everyone agreed to play. You get assigned a blue pinny or a yellow pinny in gym class and that's that. It kinda sucks but that's the game. It's not like "blue pinny" is a part of your identity, it's just an arbitrary assignment. You might wish you were on the yellow pinny team, because they get a head start in the dodgeball game, but you don't identify as a yellow pinny team member. And that is exactly how I saw, and still see my own gender.

And I have to apologize for this but this resulted in, when I was young, transphobia. It wasn't the violent kind you often see today, but it was dismissive and distasteful. Obviously I'm not proud of it. But I thought "how the fuck can you identify as a gender aside from your AGAB? Nobody "identifies" as anything you just take the assignment and go so ObViOuSlY it's made up." And I was talking to my sister about this and was like "I mean if you woke up in an alternate universe where you were a man, it would be no issue at all, right? I mean aside from having to get used to different body parts and being treated differently, it would be fine" and she was like "no???? Tf??? I'd be really upset!"

And that right there rocked my fucking shit and turned my world upside down. Anyway I learned a lot since then and I support everyone and their gender identities now, obviously, as it was over a decade ago. I realized that "I guess I'm a girl because I was born that way and I don't care enough to change it, even though I literally hate being perceived as a girl I'd hate being perceived as any other gender just as much" doesn't actually make me cis (shock!!) This is also why I much prefer the term agender to nonbinary. I've been asked if I'm nonbinary when I say I'm agender, and I know some agender people identify as nonbinary (power to you!) But to me, "non-binary" feels like a gender identity that is. Well. Nonbinary lol. It's like asking an atheist "so you have a non-Abrahamic faith?" Like no they don't have any faith at all. I don't have any gender identity at all. That's how I see it anyway.

But all this to say being agender is weird. And while I'm about as allo as they come, I can relate to asexual people in a lot of ways.

It's like there are these boxes and everyone else can see them, and everyone else can exist in them comfortably, and sometimes people have to change the shape of their box but at the end of the day, it'll fit them. But I can't see the boxes, yet I've been put inside one, and everyone else can see it. I don't want to change the shape of my box, it wouldn't make a difference. I just don't want to be in this box at all. I can't see it, I keep bumping into the walls. I'm glad when the boxes make other people happy, but all I want is to get rid of it. And while it's freeing to identify as agender within myself, to start using any pronouns instead of exclusively she/her, I know that everyone else can still see the box. If they didn't see me as a woman, they'd just see me as something else, some other box, and that's not any better.

And I'm so tired.

[lets-all-calm-down-a-bit]

so, i don’t wanna come off as like rude or anything when i ask this, but i saw your post and it was about like the lesboys one ? i understood the rest of the points, but i just got stuck on that one. i want to educate myself, but i don’t want to get like blocked, and i can’t find anyone that i think will be able to accurately tell me like you would, again sorry if this comes off as rude, i just really want to educate myself <3

Yeah! No problem I'd be happy to explain. But first I would recommend you follow @genderkoolaid because ey are an awesome blog to check out if you're interested about queer intersextionality and/or history!

So I'll start off with the most basic, cut and dry reasons. Many people who identify as lesboys, boydykes, or he/him lesbians, have a complex relationship with gender. Some are bigender, intersex, nonbinary, or even transmasc. Denying them the right to explain their identity in the best way they can, is petty and pointless. (And both intersexist and exorsexist)

Labels within the queer community are purely there to best explain your own life experiences. It's going to be different for everyone. Historically many butch lesbians have opted for masc pronouns or gotten jiggy with their gender fuckery, and i find that awesome! Transsexuality is intertwined with butchness in a way that cant be untangled, and shouldn't be! not every butch lesbian is trans. a lot aren't. But some are! And there are a lot of records of that being a common identity in the past.

Ok now to go a bit more in depth. Time for some abstract thinking!

So gender is a social construct, right? It's an infinite spectrum that can be contradictory or overlapping, and really it's all bullshit we made up socially. That's pretty widely agreed on in queer (and scientific) spaces. However, if gender is a construct, then so is sexuality. We can't say "well these social labels are complex and infinite but THESE social labels that coincide with the other ones aren't." Its like saying "Hey this rule is dumb so we should ignore it," but when someone ignores it in a context you don't like, saying, "Hey wait no. Don't ignore the rule in THAT way. I meant only in the ways I find socially acceptable."

Alright lets get grounded again. no more galaxy brained thinking.

The most important thing to remember is that if someone else's identity doesn't make sense to you, it doesn't matter! that's how they identify. It doesn't affect you. Kindness and acceptance means being around people you don't understand sometimes. If someone isn't hurting other people, then who cares!!! we're all just animals on this earth anyway. What does it matter if they aren't hurting anyone? It's only harming the community to start fights about things like this.

Ok now I've been blabbering, and I'm not the expert on everything, so here are some links to posts better explaining some things here (some of them have links to very informative articles)! I hope this helps :]

[poetessinthepit]

The boomer understanding of transgender people is really interesting because sometimes, it can be weirdly progressive and other times not so much.

One time I was talking about Chaz Bono. I can't really remember the context. My mom asked me why I referred to Chaz Bono as a transgender man when Chaz Bono is just a man.

I thought this was maybe kind of cool. Disclaimer, I'm cis so what do I know. I know many transgender people are loud and proud about being trans, but I also think it's normal whether you're trans or cis, to just want to be seen as who you are and get through your day without being hassled.

I picked her brain a little and she was like " well, Chaz Bono used to be a woman, but Chaz Bono is a man now. He had a sex change."

Anyway, it seems like my mom, who works in the medical field, honest to god, believes there is one single surgery that can just flip all your characteristics from one sex to the other. This is obviously wrong, but I think a lot of people her age believe this and it tends to be more liberal people her age and not the other way around.

You could argue this places a lot of emphasis on passing and I could agree with that, but in the case of my mom, I truly think any trans person, passing or not, regardless of how much they've medically transitioned, could just tell her they've had a sex change and she'd be like cool, you are what you say you are. She ,at worst, would probably secretly think "maybe, they have a shitty doctor".

Now, I'm not saying there are no issues with her way of thinking and that it doesn't come from a place of ignorance, but it is interesting to me how there are some narrow circumstances where it comes across as more accepting than millenials can often be. My generation, myself unfortunately included, is often guilty of using "trans" as a qualifier, as way of saying "well, they're a woman but...", fill in any gender identity, etc.

Another time, the topic of transgender athletes in sports came up, something we probably never would have talked about if the right hadn't made the topic newsworthy. My mom, who is an avid tennis player, immediately brought up Renée Richards and said "Well, Renée Richards just did okay back in the 70's. She didn't dominate. It probably depends on the circumstances." I thought this was a pretty nuanced take on a pretty nuanced issue that she came to organically.

Of course, the main issue is that my mom has absolutely zero understanding of being non-binary or even a binary trans person is intentionally gnc in their presentation. I've tried to explain it to her many times in simple terms and like any movie with a non-linear timeline, she just can't wrap her head around it. That said, I think my mom tries to be accepting generally. I know one of my mom's closest friends has a non-binary kid that came to our Thanksgiving once and my mom was earnestly trying to use they/them pronouns and even corrected some of the other guests.

I know this whole post might come across as me trying to excuse my mom's transphobia because I, like anyone else, just want to believe that my parent is good person. Honestly, maybe it is. Maybe, I just lack the self awareness. But I'm also just personally fascinated by it. And it's also true that LGBTQ boomers, the people my mom learned from, tend to have a different understanding of these issues and different terminology than younger LGBTQ people. You could completely chalk that up to internalized bias, but it's a lot more complicated than that. We're talking about social constructs here.

My personal opinion is ( and don't get me wrong, I can totally see why someone from a marginalized group would validly disagree with the following sentiment) that for the most part, with some obvious exceptions, how someone arrives a place of tolerance does not matter, as long as they get there. The ends usually justify the means. And I think the job of an ally, something I try to be, is to foster understanding where you can. It's mentally exhausting for someone from a marginalized group to constantly have to justify their existence in the world. We need radical empathy. Sometimes, I am the ally I need to be or close to it and sometimes, I'm more like my mom, well-meaning but ignorant.

[multigenderswag]

Tw internalised transphobia.

I am aware that gender is a social construct. But because of that I don't feel valid as a man, and, how it is even possible for need having operations, short hair, using he/him pronouns...? There are ofc a plenty of reasons, but, a lot of them are things like "what if I just need to accept myself and then I will be normal cis person" or "what if I have better experiences with males and that's why I would like to become more like them" (even if Now I don't think any gender is better, but I'm stressed out it can be the reason).

I feel like me when I'm a man and only a man. But I don't understand why...

You don't have to know why you're feeling something to know that your feelings are real and deserve to be respected. And even though gender is a social construct, that doesn't mean it's not important to a lot of people.

[cordycepsfem]

Hey, @amorphousprimordia - you want to talk aggressive?

You brought genitals up in the first place you absolute dolt.

I am not here to talk about "gender." It is meaningless, socially constructed, and somehow always manages to put the female people down into a "lesser" status. Gee, weird how that always works. I do not believe in enforcing gender roles nor do I give a shit what people say about gender. It's just like how I don't believe in other people's religions. You wanna get dressed up and call yourself a woman? Want to have friends and family and strangers call you some different name and demand they use different pronouns for you? Have a blast. You're still not female. Wanna cut your dick off? Do so with all the blessings in the world. You're still not female. You won't ever be.

So sure, have fun being a "girl." Around the world, actual girls are aborted before birth, left outside to die, murdered, raped, trafficked, sold into slavery, and bombed to death. They're less likely to be educated and more likely to be married off at a young age. When they become women (because we at a certain point stop referring to ourselves as "girls"), they're more likely to die in childbirth or while pregnant than any other time in their lives, they die 3 a day at the hands of an intimate partner, they're still less likely to have a good paying job or own property. Medical professionals take us less seriously - so do car mechanics, college professors, all kinds of professions and vocations... tests aren't done on women but use males as default so almost everything in the world from seat belts to ibuprofen is made for men.

But you in your privileged life can put on what you want, change your name, slap some labels on instead of a personality, and say you're one too. And you want us all to believe it's just the same thing.

A+ running away from the question you fucking asked. You know there's no "girls with dicks" - no DSD that gives a female person a penis. Great way to shoot yourself in the foot, though - thanks for asking. I do love reminding people that "intersex" doesn't mean "literal mashup of the two sexes."

You called yourself a "spiteful tr*nny" but what you really are is running away because you can't even defend your own argument. Nice try defending your friend. Shouldn't have come at me on a night I'm pissed and had nothing but time to waste.

Are you happy?

[ferinehuntress]

―  [ N ] EUTRALISM IN PILTOVER .

Piltover does not believe in the social constructs of sexuality or gender norms. Before fully understanding this, one must first understand what this means.

Social Constructs, or Constructionism, is the concept of a culture placing meaning between symbols, objects, and other solid products and giving an immutable quality to them. Such concepts are the idea of the worth of money or the power of a noble house sigil. The opposite of this is Neutralism. Neutralism is the idea that qualities, attributes, or meanings are their true nature without any kind of rules or framework. This means that something is the way it is and there is no need to place value or importance upon it.

Piltover does not place any kind of social constructs upon sexuality or gender terms. They do not see it as anything of importance to place value or terms upon and the idea that there must be this kind of gender or that kind of sexuality. In Piltover, sexuality doesn't even exist. They believe that people will like who they want based on their nature and their own decisions. There is no need to place some kind of hard rule upon it.

This means, that if you decide you are a man, and you like men, that's your nature. They don't use the term gay nor do they box it in as saying this is all you can like. Sexuality and gender are fluid within Piltover and you decide what you are when you want. Another example is the idea that you are a woman but decide to be gender neutral (as in binary and use them). Again, this is a respected process. The concept of Pronouns does not negate femininism or masculinity. A person can express discomfort in being called she or her, however much of the time people in Piltover do not see any kind of gender exclusion to these pronouns. She/her, he/him, or they/them for example, are just a way to reference a person and NOT state you are a man or woman.

Another example is going to a brothel house. In Piltover, these brothel houses are called bathhouses, and when you go to them you do not speak of your gender wants or your sexuality. You meet with the people and decide who you want to be with. If you have no interest in being with someone with a penis, then you do not have with those people because you have no interest in that bodily part. Same thing if you don't want someone with breasts. It's not uncommon to have sexual interest in body parts, but these body parts do not negate your sexuality or your gender. There is no concept that someone doesn't like someone because they have this body part or that, just that they are not sexually attracted to it and do not have any interest to lay with that. It doesn't make anyone wrong, only that they have an interest.

Piltover does not need to place constructs upon sexuality or gender as they believe it is a neutral concept based on your nature. They do not label anyone as gay, lesbian, straight, trans, or any kind of gender-based constructed label nor do they believe in homosexuality, demisexual, asexual, or others. In Piltover, there are no labels and there is no construct. You are what you are by what you deem your nature to be.

[eclaire-went-bam]

hi can i post my kagepro lgbtq hcs at almost 3 am

Sorry guys i'm in a silly mood

am ok ty my fellow comrades in arms i hope u guys like

urrm i hope u guys like a tad bit of mogai

uhmm part 1 cus i ran outta tumblr room. maybe will make a part 2 idk

anyways happy thanksgiving if you celebrate

okok ayano hihii ayano consumed every gender it is pan² that is just what i have foreseen and she goes by she/her & it/its also i am so sorry if some of this is unreadable my eyes are Closing i have nearly dropped my phone on my face so many times now

now azamiii she is genderfaun & will go by she/he. does have a complicated relationship with gender because it is a human social construct. actually would not know about modern more complex gender identities but maybe if he did he'd vibe w this ??? urhm. also demisexual there's that too

rubs hands together ENE

advertfluid, ace and biromantic becauseee i felt like itt???? goes by it/its, cy/cyber, and en/ene. takane in life in the silly canon in my head was super into mogai, though never really was open about it and did not adopt the neos until en became ene. in life it would prefer not to be called by any honourific at all, though as ene cy doesn't care you can use anything

speaking of takane uhm

it told haruka of some of the Mogai Lore™ and he just kinda soaked it up. bro is. long word incoming. abalienobaonic because the definition and lore yay!! oriented aroace. he/him

congrats on hibiya for the most eyebleeding one i am so sorry

he's just a little boything. he/they. amanteromantic vibes but they probably wouldn't even know what that means honestly that's also a long one

by contrast hiyori's is pretty !!

demigirl she/him & trixic but for hiyori specifically she would not give two cents until highschool

konohaaa hihi

they are voidaroace (i couldn't find a flag for that so i just squished the voidaro and voidace ones tteehee). also gendervoid. it is actually perfectly fine with any pronoun but has greatest affinity towards they/it. bro is just vibing. so me fr ! ! (?)

heehee seto looks so silly in this photo

Anyways ri is froggigender (actually so upset he's covering the adorable frog on the flag) and goes by he/him and ri/rib. poly!! jazz hands

marryyyy isss a girlthing and ace multiromantic. mostly uses she/they but also finds it fun to experiment!! like azami, marry is also pretty unfamiliar with a lot of Gender Stuff™ but now she treats gender like pokémon and wants to collect them all they find it so entertaining

momo my belovrvfvfbxäisj

momo is aporagender bc she just is;; and angled aroace enbian. uses she/her, per/per, and fae/faer. maybe not the leader of the mekameka dan, but os the leader of the alphabet mafia (ilovehersomuch)

[pain-in-the-butler]

Hello! This is KeensYourGears on ao3! I had a question about Coattails. Because I saw that the wiki has acknowledged Grelle's womanhood, I wanted to know what your approach of her would be in terms of her gender and the story should she make an appearance. Would the characters respect her as a woman or would it be a similar case with the first to seasons of the anime? (at least where the dub is concerned) That's all! Thank you and have a good day/night!

Oh, hello, KeensYourGears!! So good to see you by!

I actually do plan to have Grell show up in about three chapters! 🎉 I'm not sure how often we'll see her beyond that initial scene, but she's a character I really enjoy, so rest assured that if the plot allows, she'll come back for more.

This question was actually something that I wrestled with for a while, because while you and I know that Grell is a woman, in the canon it's not always clear if Local Idiot Sebastian knows it. We also know that misgendering Grell is largely an English translation problem and that Yana usually avoids having any character use pronouns for Grell at all, which is of course easier to do in Japanese (and that the act of avoiding gender pronouns is part of what led to the wiki using they/them for so long in the first place).

If we were going with entirely historical accuracy, I would say most of the Kuro characters wouldn't understand Grell or respect her pronouns. If we were to have a bit of fun with it, like Yana does, I'd say that most of the characters would at least have the capacity to use the right pronouns for Grell, even if they didn't understand her. But at least for the scene I have in mind, no humans are going to be around Grell, so that isn't something I'll have to fuss over. Sebastian is, however, going to be meeting with her.

In terms of the manga, I headcanon that Butler!Sebastian is a big stickler for rules, but only for humans, not for himself. He kinda loves when a human acts "proper" and with decorum and obeys social constructs, because doing all these things would mean that the human is masking a part of themselves. It's one of the major reasons why Seb's so interested in O!Ciel's soul: Ciel lowkey tortures himself every day with all this constant pretending he does. Therefore, Sebastian lacks respect for Grell partially because she doesn't pretend to be someone she's not. Seb judges Grell based on how he thinks her soul would taste, and he's decided it would taste bad. Hypothetically.

Demon!Sebastian however. He totally gets it. He's nothing and everything. He doesn't subscribe to human rules and he doesn't understand them either. Sebastian is a he, but not the demon behind Sebastian. The demon is every gender and no gender all at once. So, the fact that Grell is one of the few humans from England to grasp that gender is what you make it? She's kind of a galaxy brain for that. Not that he'd ever tell her he thinks so. He still wouldn't like the taste of her soul, after all.

So, with all of the above in mind, I think the plan right now is to use she/her pronouns for Grell when writing from Sebastian's third person perspective, and also to have Sebastian avoid using any pronouns for her in his dialogue. He sees Grell as a woman, but he isn't going to divulge that he does, because he's not interested in letting her know that. It would reveal too much of his demon side. And maybe make her like him more. Nope.

Does that make sense? Does that seem okay? I'm very open to suggestions and tweaks towards this. I've thought about this a lot, and I think it would be really hard for me not to use her pronouns. I also don't want to write an inauthentic voice, so maybe I'm just thinking wishfully here when I say Seb would recognize Grell as a woman. But Coattails!Seb is my Seb, so I can give him my views if I want, right? Anyway, I'm assuming no one is terribly upset with this decision, but I hope it doesn't come across as negligent of Grell's struggle either.

[teamcuriosity]

Can you guys tell us about pronouns? I see that some of your admins use some neopronouns!

hihi!! I'll take this one!! ^^

so, pronouns!! when people talk about pronouns in this context, they're talking about the ones they use to refer to themselves—personal pronouns! with only a few exceptions, everyone uses pronouns!!!! in many languages, the most common ones are a "masculine" and a "feminine". in Unovan and Galarian these would be he/him and she/her. I'll kinda just?? keep using Unovan and Galarian as the standard for this post since they're the most widely understood languages on Rotomblr, but it should be noted that some languages can shift dramatically in structure based on gender while others don't even see gender as a necessity in most situations!!! pronouns and gender as a concept vary a lot from language to language!!!

note: just because he and she are considered masculine and feminine pronouns that doesn't mean that you can't use them if you're not. The Right Gender™. words being gendered is a social construct. if you're masculine and want to use she/her or feminine and want to use he/him, there are no laws stopping you and even if there were like. break them!!!!!!! it's so dumb to police what words people use to describe their own selves!!!

ANYWAYS while he/him and she/her are the most common, there's also the neutral singular they/them that everyone forgets has existed for like. Ever????? there's also it/its as a neutral which CAN be derogatory if you use it against someone without asking if it's okay but!!!!! just because someone uses it/its for itself doesn't mean it's being self-hateful!! so be nice okay?? your other option is to perish.

and then there's NEOPRONOUNS!!!!! I can't list them all here because there are SO MANY and honestly I have so many of my own since I'm a bit of a pronoun hoarder ^^''''' I just put my main three sets up to keep things concise y'know??? BUT YEAH some people consider it/its as a personal pronoun to be a neopronoun, but the ones that come to mind to most people when thinking of neopronouns are xe/xem, ze/zir, and fae/faer!!! nounself pronouns like kit/kits and pi/pika also fall under this umbrella!!! these are pronouns that exist outside those commonly taught in schools and they're mostly used by nonbinary and genderqueer ppl but!!!! guess what!!! same as she/her and he/him you don't even need to be trans to use them!!!! if you're a cis man and you wanna use neos then there is literally nothing stopping u!!!

I know I just said it and I've said it a lot in this post but I'll say it again because a lot of people Just Don't Get It!!! pronouns are restricted by a person's PREFERENCE not GENDER!!! no one is ever ever EVER "the wrong gender" to use ANY pronoun. a cis lesbian can use he/him and that doesn't make him a man!!! a nonbinary person can use he/him or she/her without being either binary gender!!!! a transwoman can use they/them or it/its or any neo under the sun and still be a woman!!!!!!!!!!!!! gendered language is fake do what u want!!!!!!!!!

as a final note bc I've seen this shit happen before: pronouns are a matter of basic respect. even if you don't LIKE someone, even if they're outright EVIL, you should still use their proper pronouns. if we start misgendering people we don't like then that paints someone's correct pronouns as something to be Earned and not just. something you do when you want to treat someone as another human being, good or bad. which is a horribly dangerous precedent to set btw!!!!!!!! so don't do that!!!!!!

anyways I hope this answered any questions you might have had!!! I can go into more depth if you want but I figured I should just cover the basics for now ^^'''

—Prof. Violite Schist (it/they/fae)

[mistprints]

binary (adj.): relating to, composed of, or involving two things. Consisting of 2 parts.

non-binary (adj. and noun): Not involved in the two things. In this case, not socially aligned with what's expected of either gender (not the same as sex).

While non-binary typically doesn't align with any gender to be clear (but specifically the binary 2 most common today), it also wasn't uncommon for other cultures to have more than 2 genders (not sexes), and it isn't new, most people just were never taught that in (for example) Native American tribes recognized 3-5 genders long before colonists arrived. I liked studying tribes; the Lakota and Navajo were examples of two that had more "spirit" genders.

Gender is a social construct that you should be able to move around in and out of freely, best suited to yourself. People should be allowed to experiment and not have to conform in any particular way to what's expected for other people's approval or sake. You didn't get to decide any terms about how you got here, so being able to opt-out of those societal expectations based on what's in your pants is a freeing choice. And it isn't bad to wind up comfortable in or defying those expectations. Same as a name change, it shouldn't be so hard to grasp or respect/comply with, and any accidental mistakes due to assumptions are corrected with tact (we do not however tolerate people who purposefully and repeatedly are disrespectful by denying someone their preferred pronouns. _____________________

Personal Note: It's so strange, because not so long ago, accidentally calling someone the wrong gender over the phone would be met with swift apologies and correction. The formal trap of only having Miss/Mrs. or Mr. would corner you with having to often guess by default. I got assumed to be a man all the time not because of my voice, but my unique name (3 recorded people I could find have it) that isn't clearly feminine or masculine. Not to mention that for a long time I just let people assume my pronouns were masculine online (using neutral names and avatars, a lot of people used to assume you must be a dude lol) and I didn't correct them because I wanted to game, chat, and move around without the harassment, fake standards, and condescending treatment I saw my female friends get. I found out I wasn't even alone in my friend groups! Other people were also doing the same, not particularly deeply aligning with the pronouns for their sense of self, but borrowing them as a dual part of themself, like a persona they presented as the self or avatar they like to use in online society. (I am fine with how I am irl, but without a doubt, if I ever got to create an avatar for myself to inhabit, I would be more comfortable being with they/them, she/they, or he/him ngl. It's an admittedly interesting thing I learned about myself, but it is ideal)..

You can literally project whoever you want to be online, to both fun, safe ideals to the dangerous luring, so be mindful of that. Who you are online should already be an avatar of yourself, that can still be true and "a real person" there, but that does not give too much personal information that could be used for harm by strangers.

I curate that way less the past few years and like to use whatever avatars I want and don't mind people knowing bc they generally don't gaf anymore, but they still do heavily target the people outside the "you can only have one" binary, and that's the new battle we face now.

Take this all with a grain of salt though, as I'm just one individual with only my experiences and those I have learned about. Doesn't mean I know enough to get into the far deeper social and religious structures that are why we have these issues and disagreements. I just know they are there and can draw a lot of self-founded conclusions. These are just the thoughts springing from that.

[blossoming-witness]

I don't like the mocking attitude that some drag queens have towards womanhood (specially if they start making jokes related to the female body like refering to vaginas as "fishy" and stuff like that) but I think that the concept of drag and being transvestite is much more critical than the concept of trangenderism.

(So this started as just some reflections on the concept of performance that queer theory proposes and the differences between drag and transness, but I somehow ended up getting really dense into philosophy and self reflection. Also, it got really long, sorry about that.)

Radfems always get accused of wanting to erase or control people's lives and identities just because we're critical of gender and queer theory. When we say that a male person who dresses as a woman is not a woman, or we opt to use male pronouns to refer to them, we are undesrtood as wanting that person to change his looks, wanting that person to face danger and pain, and wanting to be actively disrespectful towards them.

But the thing is, a lot of radfems respect gender-noncomformity as long as the person in question acknowledges their sex. I think that's why butchness and some forms of drag are more accepted by radfems than transness, because they come from a place of recognition of sex while still mantaining that "playful" attitude towards gender expression that can be so important for people's self-image and personalities.

When we're critical of genderism we don't mean to control people's self-expression, that's why we always insist on stuff like "you can dress however you like but that doesn't make you a woman". We are sincere with both parts of that phrase, not just with the later. Specially because gender and gender expression vary so immensely from place to place, from time to time, and even within the same society individuals vary so much. Femininity is not the same in America than in any country in Asia, it's not the same now than in the XVIII century, my expression of womanhood and femininity is not the same than that of my mother. We can accept and even value gender-noncomformity as a form of self expression and performance, but what we cannot accept is the idea that gender identity is an ontological truth.

Gender is a social role, a social construct, a relationship with culture, fashion, and societal demands and expectations, but it is not a truth of the soul that triumphs over the body. If we accept that stuff like masculinity or femininity, which are based on sex stereotypes, have an ontological weight for trans people, it implies that sex stereotypes have an ontological weight in general. If dressing femininely makes a trans persona a woman, it implies that a "cis" woman that dresses femininely is closer to the ontological meaning of womanhood than a masculine woman, than a butch woman, than a woman that feels forced to perform femininity.

We as radfems view and define womanhood in an ontological level as a phenomenological experience related to our body, but not to our expression of gender. Of course gender it is important, both for people who find comfort in it, and to people that feel pressured into it. Gender relates to personal expression and so many people find comfort in the performance of femininity and masculinity. But it is not an inherent part of our identity, it is a costume, a play put on top of our bodies that can be both personal and influenced by society, culture, history, and family values. These ideas that queer theory proposes that "everything is a performance" and "everything is gender" and "everything is drag" are true. It's true that "cis" people practice "gender affirming" activities, rituals and procedures very often... because gender is not innate. Both trans people and cis people have to put on these costumes, these constructs, on top of our naked bodies everyday. The difference between queer theory and radfem is that we cannot see the patriarchal influence in gender as innocent. Yes, we all perform gender expression everyday, but the things we associate with femininity and masculinity are influenced by how our society values (and has valued historically) womanhood, manhood, and homosexuality as material realities.

As an artist, as a performer, I understand the value that a playfull personal expression can have, but I'm so glad I found radfem theory. It allowed me not only to question the patriarchal implications on what I was doing when I was trying to find myself as a teen, but it even freed me to build a personal expression beyond gender.

When I was a teen really into queer theory I would make choices regarding my personal expression based upon wether or not they made me look "feminine or masculine." I was leaning towards a nonbinary identity, and I would have conceived myself as an enby had I continued without radical feminism much longer. The thing is, tying your gender expression to your whole personality and even to your whole soul is exhausting. You have to second guess everything you wear, the manner you speak, the way you walk, the interests you express, just to fit with the performance of gender that you're supposed to align with. As a young feminist "afab" you don't want to be part of that frivolous and dumb gender that is "woman", but you're not a man either, so it's easy to want to be something else entirely. It's the whole "not like other girls" idea elevated into a category of the soul. If I hadn't discovered radical feminism I would still be trapped in that mess.

But now I feel free. Yes, my personality is a construct, it is indeed a performance that I put on, and I am pretty feminine. But the thing is, if you stop seeing femininity and masculinity as inherent truths of the soul, or as ontological aspects of the self, they loose so much weight. If, instead, you start seeing your self expression as based on your personality instead of your gender, this whole "drag" we put on is much less about sex stereotypes and much more about who you are.

I now choose how to dress, how to speak, how to behave, how to talk to others about them and myself, based on my likes, my values, my interests and my life history. Yes, of course we all do that, including trans people, but when you put a heavy weight on all of these actions being related to gender, it's like you're always scrutinizing your own personality. Specially because gender is a "social" construct, and that means it is dependent on what society makes of it... you can't have a social construct on your own. That's why I also feel like being in the mindset of queer theory makes a lot of people dependent of validation. It puts you in a mental space where you need to construct your personality based on whether or not people accept you as part of a certain class, a certain "gender" in the sense of genre of people. In a way I feel it is extremely voyeristic, because you're always thinking of how others look at you.

Nowadays I still care a lot about how I dress, how I behave, how I present myself to others, but the choices I make aren't based on the question of whether or not "this thing is feminine or masculine." Instead I ask myself things like wether certain jewelry expresses my spirituality, if certain patterns on my clothes like flower patterns fit my general aesthetic as a "plant-mom", if the clothes I'm wearing are comfortable or not. If those choices are feminine or masculine I don't care. I also stopped thinking so much about getting validation from others, and have tried to think much more about how to make other people feel comfortable and happy with me. I ask myself how should I speak to my friends to make them feel comfort, and I ask myself how should I speak in my daily activities to be seen as an authority in my field, regardless of that manner of speaking being feminine or masculine.

We can't escape performativity. We all put an expression of our selves on top of our naked body, and sometimes that means expressing our relationship with gender, wether we want it or not. But I really think that it's freeing to see our body as a material reality that shouldn't have any demands beyond just existing, and then seeing our personality as an expression of everything we are and not just our gender, wether or not that fits with the social expectations that our patriarchal society demands of us. I have the body of a woman, everything else is infinite.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

The paper itself is insane; it's not just the whiteboard part.

Participants.—The focal episode in this paper features three students, pseudonymed Drake, Paris, and Gail, and their course instructor, pseudonymed Iris. In a stimulated recall interview, Paris refers to herself as a “Hispanic woman,” and to Drake and Gail as “he” and “she,” respectively. Gail presents as white, and Drake as middle Eastern.4 Iris self-identifies as biracial and culturally white and uses she, her, hers pronouns.

Take note: they don't have any white men in this group: Hispanic woman, white woman, Middle Eastern man, biracial woman. "Whiteness" is an independent property. It's not something you are, it's something you do. Such as using evidence, keeping to an agenda, etc (see once again the NMAAHC "whiteness" infographic).

The participants’ race and gender do not feature prominently in our analysis; our analysis focuses on whiteness as a social organization, with the aim of illustrating how “everyday” interactions in physics classrooms reflect and reify whiteness.

That is, we're going to look for exactly what we presuppose to be there, no matter how tenuous or absurd the logic.

Naming Gail and Drake’s racial and/or ethnic identities for them, as we have, is fraught. However, because this classroom interaction takes place in the context of U.S. higher education, which is far from gender or race neutral [3,51], we can assume that the participants’ race and gender do matter;

Only to racist, sexist people obsessed with race and gender.

they matter for the discursive positions available to them [50] and they matter in the sociohistorical context in which the interaction is playing out (and thus the meanings that participants may make of it). In addition, it is not only the participants’ self-identified race, ethnicity, and gender that matter; it is also what others perceive their identities to be that matter [73]. We name what we observe and were told for this reason; it feels like important context.

That is, even if they don't read anything into it, we will find the sin that they're not pious enough to find themselves.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_cat_analogy

Theology is like being in a dark room and looking for a black cat that isn't there, and shouting "I found it!"

This is why I call this stuff a religion.

They look at this ONE group of people creating an Energy Interaction Diagram (EID) and mind-read everyone involved in the process. How they stand, where they stand, and even find it racially relevant that the representation of the EID, not just being on a whiteboard. doesn't show its history:

In addition, the EID Drake presents does not show its history—it presents as ahistorical—which reflects and reifies the “culture of no culture” myth in physics [78]. Ahistoricity supports revisionist versions of history that fuel white racial ideologies, by centering white perspectives on historical events, downplaying white violence, discon- necting current racial violence and trauma from its long history, and constructing mythologies where domination and centering appear “God-given and right” [36,45]. In this episode, the ahistoricity of the EID presented by Drake erases the collaborative contributions of Gail and Paris and makes it difficult to challenge or analyze the nature of their interaction, since it is not reflected in the EID. Further, the history of EIDs (and the model of energy they reflect) is not visible in the tool itself, which maintains the mythology that physics is a “culture of no culture.”

It's "whiteness" (aka "no culture") to not represent every little idea or discussion - especially by Paris and Gail, the women - on their diagram, since a whiteboard isn't a time machine.

And nobody is careful enough to include a chapter about the origin and history of energy models when they draw their energy model.

==

The problem is that this stuff, since it's published in a Physics journal, is now regarded as "knowledge." Other papers can, and will, cite this as a source, "a study says," and proceed onwards from there.

Despite the fact this paper is perhaps more indicative of the mental health of its authors, and the existence - and funding - at all of this nonsense more indicative of systemic wokeness than anything else, it can, and likely will, be presented as justification for why Physics and STEM in general, needs to be remade under Social Justice principles.

If that happens, institutions that adopt this lunacy will become irrelevant, producing nothing relevant or innovative. Just more academic hot air.

[ageless-soul-au]

Something potentially angsty: What sorts of things make Legend feel dysphoric? And how does he cope with dysphoria? Hopefully he gets some help with that from his partners.

for anyone who'd potentially be triggered, I'll put it under a cut. also it's a little long, predictably hehehe :3c

cw for mentions of menstruation, sex, and genitals. 18+ discussion lol duh

y'know, when people talk about dysphoria, they usually mean body dysphoria, but that's not all there is. trans ppl who don't have bodily dysphoria probably have social dysphoria, and that's like. a big thing. that's like your whole life, how you interact with people, how people see you, etc. using the right pronouns and your gender presentation is super important so you can interact with people and they see you how you want to be seen (and there's a bit about that later in Confidential).

so, as of right now in the story, he's not horribly dysphoric. Legend used to be way worse, and Rav has helped a lot with that. and once he starts T, that helps as well. it just makes you feel better! kinda how you think you're supposed to feel.

but uhh periods kinda fuck him up emotionally. those stop shortly after starting T, but until then he needs the standard stuff to combat menstrual woes, plus lots of hugs and general comfort. i wish i could metagame him a diva cup to use, but T works better in the long run imo lol.

Legend doesn't have much bottom dysphoria rn (thank you Ravio for helping with his confidence and beating down his insecurities, which were mostly born from not knowing if Ravio would like him like that, to loop back to the social dysphoria thing. tho Legend does have to jump a mini version of that hurdle whenever a new person is introduced to the polycule's bed, but it's never as bad as the first) but he does have some top dysphoria. he binds, so that does help, but for my fam with tiddies, y'know how when you get home you yeet off the bra? same thing with a binder. wear it too long and it starts to hurt your ribs, tho i think with the construction of Legend's stays (how they're boning and not spandex panels like modern binders) it might not be so bad? idk i'd have to look more into corsetry (again vhdsvnldsk). BUT YEAH the stays have gotta come off eventually and when Legend feels a little more dysphoric about it, he'll layer and just opt out of any of his partners touching his chest until he feels better about it, bc it's usually not a huge problem for him. and he will eventually get top surgery! after the quest when he has time to be still for a recovery period lol

stuff for how his partners help him with looks/body dysphoria is they compliment him! they tell him he looks handsome and point out little masculine things about him. clothes help a lot, especially things tailored to fit and lay on the body a certain way. his partners know what things make him generally euphoric. they let him take the "leading position" in kisses and tuck themselves into his side to hug and cuddle. he likes taking care of them and that is traditionally a masculine thing, and sometimes leaning into stereotypes isn't a bad thing. they break out the cheesy titles ("my good sir!" "my liege" etc) and flirt with him, make him laugh, and help him feel better in general. they kinda play damsel in distress sometimes to get him to help them ("Legenddddd, this box is too heavy, I need my big, strong, heroic boyfriend to come lift it for me!" "[flustered] ...oh holy gods, fine..."), bc he feels best when he's useful. Wars might invite him to spar if they both feel good and the weather's nice! so yeah :3 they help improve his mood and throw in affirming compliments, on top of distracting him from the issue.

if he's having a more gnc presenting day and wants to wear a skirt or something and he's feeling iffy about it, it's a lot of the same stuff. he still wants to be seen as a man, and his partners will still do the affirming thing and offer to not go anywhere that day so he can wear his skirt in peace and not have to worry about being Perceived by anyone less understanding. he's more likely to wear stuff like that out and about in other people's eras, like Wild and Odyssey's.

Legend is my very specialest trans baby and i love him sooo so much, i want the very best for him.

-Kio, local trans who's perhaps projecting just a little vndkvnkls