#like for real i saw this music video a long time ago

[dragons-and-art]

👑 for Jake as well if that's ok.

Do you have any idea how long i've been wanting to draw Jake on a throne made of tacky, spray painted trash? TOO LONG that is

[orangeocelotmartyn]

Martyn raids Ren after revealing he’d accidentally not replied to him and Ren is Dramatic about it.

I cut out a lot of dead air (read: all of the moments of Ren waiting for his sounds to end) to trim this down, and the transcription is under the cut:

Martyn: We should go um, raid, uhm...actually, my boy Ren-Diggity-Dawg's on. Let's go raid Ren. Ren-Diggity-Dawg. Actually I got a message the other day from Ren that I still need to reply to, I just, I saw it before I went live...today, and I was like, ''oop, don't know how that one slipped past me." Is it RenDogTV? It is, right, sweet! Uh, right, enjoy Ren's stream--

Ren: Welcome to all the Marteens, that have arrived in the chat. Martyn, bro. You and--listen. You and me need to have words, Martyn. (three seconds of silence) You know what, cut the music. Cut the music, this is-this is getting serious business now. Zoom in a little bit for dramatic effect. (five seconds of silence)

Ren: Martyn. Bro. (two seconds of silence) I-Why you do me dirty, bro? Eh? What's up? Why you do me dirty like this, bro? (deep inhale) Dear viewers, let me tell you a story. A few days ago. Approximately--you know what, give me one moment, Imma figure out exactly how many days ago. I'm gonna rub the salt in this wound. Mm-mm-mm.

Ren: We're gonna-we're gonna cook this one. Let's see, the twentieth. That's four days ago. Approximately four days ago, I sent a message to Mister Marteen. An important message. A message from the heart. What do I get in return, from Mister Marteen? Crickets. Crickets.

Ren: Give me one second, I need to find a cricket noise. I-I'm not as professional as Martyn, you see. Martyn's got instant access to sound effects because he's a professional. And uh, broadcasting genius. I am uh, you know. A little bit more amateur. Give me one second, guys, I gotta log into Epidemic Sound and everything. It's gonna take a while. Can't remember my password. (keyboard clicking, deep inhale, laughs) Okay, here we go. (keyboard clicking)

(soft cricket noises that sound almost like a fire alarm in the distance play for ten seconds, uninterrupted. In the actual video, this sound plays for twenty-one seconds)

Ren: This is quite a long sample guys, it's two minutes long. Sorry about that. (cricket noises for thirteen seconds. In the actual stream this clip was thirty-five seconds long, and he turned the sound of the crickets up to be louder)

Ren: It's only halfway, guys, you still-still got a while to go. (cricket noises for twelve seconds. In the actual stream this clip was twenty-three seconds long. He then pauses the crickets for four seconds, zooms in on his cubito)

Ren: Pause for dramatic effect. (he starts the crickets again for thirty-five seconds [the full time here and in-stream] before pausing it again)

Ren: That is all I have to say about this matter. Thanks for the raid, Martyn. W-welcome everybody. You joined us right at the start of a trial chamber run. (four seconds of silence, then a fond laugh) And as an update, t-to Marteen-gate. I have received a reply! Hold on, I gotta find another sound effect real quick, one second. One second guys, uh, (keyboard clicking, then the sound of scattered applause and indistinct voices for thirteen seconds)

Ren: I have received a reply from Marteen! (the clip is still going, just indistinct voices) This-this sample is not working for me. (a clip of a motorcycle revving begins to play instead) (flustered laughing) That's n-that sample is not working for me either. Wait, I've got a sample on the stream deck! (applause begins, including happy yelling) I received a reply! (the sample continues to play) (Ren singing) Joy to the world / Marteen has replied! / He has finally / Replied! (deeper voice) After four days. (laughter, normal voice) Thank you for the reply, Marteen. I am very excited. We shall, uh, continue our correspondence, digitally. Upon another platform (laughing under his breath)

Ren: --X-Fandom is here with a gifted sub to Marteen! Ya weren't even subbed?! (silence for four seconds, then decisive keyboard clicking. Then the sound of a cat yowling, which is swiftly replaced by a baby crying for seven seconds, uninterrupted. In the actual stream it is twenty seconds long.) It's quite a long sample, too. Sorry guys. (In the actual clip, the baby continues crying for ten seconds uninterrupted, before Ren laughs over the baby crying, and then pauses it, while this video has only one second pause between baby crying and Ren's laughter) Oh, goodness gracious, I'm having too much fun.

[lixiesbrowniess]

WHAT'S WRONG OLD MAN?

Warnings: MDNI, NSFW, SMUT, sexual content, blowjob, p n v, unprotected sex, rough sex, virginity loss, MAJOR SIZE KINK, deepthroating, dub con, soldier boy's in his 60s so its around 1980s, you called him a grandpa... I guess he proved you wrong.

| Jensen Masterlist |

One shot: Soldier Boy x Actress!Reader

Synopsis: You're starred in a new music video with non other than Soldier Boy. He's technically in his 60s, but damn was he fine as hell. You're in your 20s but the director still chose to give you the sluttiest role you've ever played with a man that literally could've been your grandpa. Yes. You play hard to get, won't last long buuut.

WAS LISTENING TO THIS WHILE WRITING THE SMUT PART PLS I WAS WHEEZING AT SOME POINT LIKE YES I'D BANG WITH HIM.

"Cuuut." the director shouted running towards you while you immediately tear yourself away from Soldier Boy's crotch with an annoyed frown, the director walked towards you looking somehow upset, about to scold you cause for the third time in a row you weren't drooling enough onto Soldier Boy's crotch or not being slutty enough.

You rolled your eyes, as expected the director was scolding you again. And grabbing your wrist and tossing you around "You might be the youngest but thay doesn't make you less of a slut!" The director was shouting in your face. You yanked your wrist back making the older man flinch "Not my fault I don't want to rub myself against a fucking grandpa." You bite back harshly.

You didn't say that out loud, did you? You didn't, right?

You feel your blood running cold watching the director's face going pale looking at you. No. Not quite at you. Behind you. You didn't need to turn around to know he was behind you. And you swear you could feel his blood boil. The scent of whiskey and musk had your head spinning.

You act like you didn't notice, in an instant you excuse yourself to your dressing room, who was surprisingly big, btw. You could feel his eyes on you, following your smaller figure, wrapped in that tight as shit dress that barely covered anything.

You slam the door closed and curse to yourself, letting your body fall onto the sofa and closing your eyes. That was damn close. You could sense he was about to pounce on you. Probably to choke you to death or something. But how could an old man like him look so hot gross. You meant gross.

He had a fucking erection on set and didn't even bother to hide it. He looked even proud of it. And having it against your cheek in front of a camera really didn't made your day. You were lost in your thoughts and you didn't hear the footsteps walking towards your closed door. And you completely forgot to lock it.

You jumped on your seat, yelping at the sound of the door slamming shut, your eyes wide as they focus on the man standing in the centre of the room. Soldier motherfucking Boy was right there towering over you. That sure was intimidating, but so arousing at the same time.

Probably the whole set knew what was gonna happen the instant they saw him walking towards your room. Your throat felt dry. You kept on swallowing, but nothing worked; you opened your mouth to speak, but not a single sound came out of it.

He eyed you up and down. You probably were gripping your dress so hard your knuckles went white. He was still in his suit, but the helmet was gone, letting his wild, brown hair fell onto his forehead. "Cat, got your tongue?" His raspy voice blessed your ears as you shifted in your seat, shaking your head.

"You were so bold a couple of minutes ago. What'd you say again?" He walked closer, his tall figure hovering over yours. "Ah yes. You called me a grandpa." His voice lower as he now was mere inches from you. You kept looking away, trying not to focus onto his visible bulge, which was literally in front of your face.

You swallowed again, clearing your throat "Y-yeah I didn't mean it for real..." You stammered, focusing onto the floor now. Noticing his boots on each side of your little heels. You felt your legs weak. You don't think you could stand right now.

He raised an eyebrow, watching your smaller figure squirm in silence under his gaze. His rough hand grasp your chin sharply, turning it up to make you look up at him "You lie to me again imma fucking slam you to the wall understood?" He was pissed you could sense it. His gaze was harsh as he tightened his grip onto your face, squeezing your cheeks not so lightly.

You groan, knowing they'll leave a bruise. But the way he was looking down at you made a spark spread in your eyes. He must've noticed cause he smirked as he let go of your face. You massaged your poor cheeks, a tingling sensation where his fingers squeezed.

"I see what you are. You think I didn't notice the amount of times you look my way during every single break?" His hands get to work unzipping the costume letting his hard cock slap against his stomach. "Undressing me with those doll eyes." You weren't even listening at that point. Your head was dizzy with his heavy scent.

Your eyes fixated onto his erection, cock standing proud and leaking precum, angry tip almost begging for you to kiss on it. "Little whore, I knew I wasn't wrong about you." He chuckled to himself, his hand slid back onto your chin eyes roaming over your body.

"Suck."

You were brought back to reality hearing his request. No. It wasn't a request. It was an order. You didn't have much of a choice. But unlike your facade, you were for sure willing to do so. He stroked himself a couple of times while your brain was processing what was happening. He 'kindly' held his dick to your face, tip brushing onto your lips, leaving them glossy.

"C'mon, open up, sugar" he slightly presses onto the back of your head. You parted your lips, feeling him pushing himself into your mouth slowly but without any warning. He sighs in satisfaction while you find yourself holding to his thighs and choking onto his cock.

He looked down at you smiling "Oh I know that bratty mouth of yours can do better than this." You gasp, your throat was clenching around him as he pushed your head further, slowly and carefully. You let your jaw slack trying to accommodate his girth, tongue flattened as he shoved your head all the way to his crotch.

You fought your gag reflex as he bottomed out. Part of his lenght slid down your throat. Your nose brushed against his groin. "Oh fuck, that's right." He sighs throwing his head back. Tears prickled the sides of your eyes as he didn't even bother to move he just held you there. You tried to breathe through your nose, barely achieving the purpose.

He looked down at you, his hand onto your nape holding you still while you started to try and back away. "Not so cocky now, are we?" He held your hair in an arranged ponytail slowly, pulling you backwards, allowing you to take a breath before slamming his cock back into your warm cavern. Slowly thrusting to make sure you took him whole every single time.

Once he had enough he pulled your head away letting his cock slip out of your throat. You cough and suck in all the air you can, chest heaving with every breath. A string of saliva connected your lips to his tip, and you shamelessly groaned the view. His cock now glistening with your saliva, shimmering. You kind of missed the feeling of it down your throat already.

"Get up." Your legs moved on their own as you immediately stood in front of him. The authority in his voice makes you soak your panties even more than they already were. You desperately rubbed your thighs together. He lifted your chin, wiping the drip of saliva laying onto the corner of your lips. "So obedient when no one else is watching, huh? A fucking slut for me." He chuckles pushing his thumb past your lips.

You suck at his finger as if it was his cock, eyes fluttering slightly before he pulls his hand away. Soldier Boy pulls you flush against his body, you felt his hard cock against your stomach. He smiles, seeing the cock-drunk glance you gave him.

You yelp suddenly as he landed a slap onto your ass, the tingling feeling spreading as you were sure it was red all over. "Turn around, sweetheart." You face the couch now feeling his hand onto your back, lifting your dress slightly, before he decided to just rip it off.

Your arm moved to cover your breasts in reflex, which made him smirk wider. "How old did you say you were?" His voice deep and agaist the shell of your ear "22 sir." You manage to blurt out. He laughs, a rumble into his chest. "I could indeed be your grandfather." He lowly growled, his hand closes around your throat as you gasp.

"See? You're such a good girl, all wet and ready for me." He chuckles as his fingers play with the hem of your soaked panties before pulling them down. He positions a hand onto your back, pushing you forward, your hands stopping you from falling. You hold yourself up leaning to the headboard of the sofa.

He slightly kicked your legs, spreading them more. A blush spreading across your face as both his hands were onto your ass cheeks, spreading them, to allow himself to admire your glistening cunt, while you clenched under his gaze only. "Now, would you look at that." He groans at the sight. "Your pussy is begging me to split you in half"

You groaned, feeling his fingers ghost around your core and onto your clit. You buck your hips backwards, following his touch, which he quickly denies you. Teasing you and leaving you clenching around nothing "Such a needy whore" he murmurs smirking to himself before landing a firm slap onto your other ass cheek.

You squeal at the sudden tingling pain. His hand immediately rubs circles onto the red spot. You close your fists, squeezing the couch headboard. "What's wrong, old man? Can't find where to sink your cock into?" The words are full of need, you didn't even realize you've said them. You feel another spank, only this time it's directly onto your cunt making you cry out at the force, legs shivering.

He pushes your head onto the cushions, having your ass perfectly up in the air. He leans in, reaching close to your neck, his hard cock pressed against your thighs. "Oh darlin, I know exactly where to hit, don't you test me." He growls, getting back up and blowing onto your redden and swollen cunt. You hold back a moan as he does. He then grips your hips up and pulls them closer, he lines his cock up to your leaking hole, not wasting another instant he pushes inside you, barely half of it entering you.

He groans, feeling ur tightness, making it difficult to move, his hands rubbing your sides as he keeps pushing. "C'mon darlin relax, what are you a virgin?" He jokes, but as he can't manage to push further while you tense around him, and your little cries, he tilts your head back to face him. Your teary eyes meet his green irises. "Shit, you really are a virgin." He whispers, his hand slides between your legs as he leans over your back.

His fingers start to rub your clit causing your body to flinch against him, his other hand holding your hip against him. He kisses your neck and starts sucking onto your tender flesh. Your eyes flutter at the unexpected pleasure. As you finally start to loosen up around his cock, he starts to push inside you without stopping his moves onto your bud. His girth splitting you open, it felt so good, your cries slowly becoming shameless moans of his name.

He bottomed out, forming a bump onto your womb, your hand stroking it slightly. Your eyes roll back as he starts moving in and out of your soaked cunt, you moan loudly as his hips slam flush against yours. Your moans get whiny timing with his thrusts. He groans feeling your cunt clenching around him.

"Literal mentally a whore physically a virgin huh?" He chuckles holding your hips while you push back to meet his vigorous thrusts as your whimpers filled his ears. He kept his steady rhythm against your, making your body jolt forward every time his hips slammed against yours.

You felt heat pooling into your core as your cunt fluttered around his cock, you tightly gripped to the couch, burying your face into the cushion, your moans becoming high pitched "Ben I'm－" You feel your orgasm approaching quickly as he rolled his hips, his cock bruising your cervix deliciously.

"Yeah babe, cum for me, let go." With that you felt your overwhelming climax, you cum soaking his cock. He grunts, slamming against you as your velvety walls clench around him "F-fuck" You stutter as he keeps his hips snapping into yours, hitting deeper sliding with ease thanks to your juices.

Your moans become louder, the sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room while he grunts and groans against your skin "Fuck you're so damn tight." He groans as his thrusts start getting sloppy, you can feel his cock throbbing inside you. You feel yourself cumming again as he buries himself balls deep into you shifting a little upwards, the bulge forming onto your tummy. He finally feels his own orgasm approaching.

He pushes himself even deeper, bulging out onto your lower belly. After driving himself into you a couple more times he cums shooting thick ropes, painting your walls white, filling you to the brim "Oh fuck yes" he lowly grunts before pulling out watching your body tremble before falling onto the couch. He grinned at his nice work, having you full with his cum, some of it leaking out of your cunt.

He tucks himself back into the suit in a hurry. Much to your surprise, he's still pretty hard. He reaches to your body, you yelp as he picks you up, throwing you on his shoulder, spanking your tender flesh, he slowly walks out, frightening the director who was about to knock onto your door.

Your cunt on full view while he walked out. "S-Soldier Boy, we might need to do some more takes of the last sce-" the director started "No that's wrap. Send it away. I'll see you tomorrow." Soldier Boy interrupted him, walking towards his trailer with you hanging from his shoulder.

"Got more important things to do so piss off."

[unwashedunsatisfiedmeowmeow]

fanboy!Noah x idol!MC

"My personal hater" visual novel AU in which Noah is your most loyal fan.

(art by me)

So imagine that you're a popular idol who got famous not so long ago. You've been working towards this goal of yours for quite a time before you were finally aknowleged by the masses. You're very grateful for that and now you're using this popularity by working even harder! You make music after music after clip after clip and so on...

Eventually you grow tired. It was a matter of time when this will happen and deep down you knew that will happen sooner or later... But it appeared in such a problematic time. Live concerts, shooting music videos for your released songs as well as recording new songs to keep the fans "well fed"... To say that you were fucked in the ass by work (metaphorically) would be an underestimation at this point.

Despite having a big crew of professionals from different fields managing a lot of the tasks for you - it's still not enough to make you breathe out with ease. You're always on the verge of crashing out and running away for good. Things have gotten so bad that you start to regret becoming an idol - the only dream job you once thought was right for you.

One day you go back home as usual from a long day of work. You enter an elevator with a person in it without even looking at who it was. You didn't give a fuck at this point. And of course you looked like a mess. Not that cheerful and cute bbg you pretend to be for your hungry fans.

It was plain oversized clothes, medical mask, greasy hair and a tired look you had. You were spacing out and ready to sleep in that damn elevator as usual.

What an irony that the guy who was obviously your fan - wasn't noticed by you. But he on the other hand - recognized you right away, even if you didn't look your best. However instead of talking to you, Noah just stood there dumbfounded. His idol, the one he supported from the very start was in the same elevator as him!!!

"HOLY SHIT!!! FUCK, IS IT REALLY MC?! OH MY GOOOODDD!!!"

He is legit your first fan ever. He supported you with evverything he could support you with. Words of encouragement, binge listening to all your songs on repeat. He was even creating new accounts for that reason alone, so the platform you're releasing your songs in will promote them to other people. He also donated you fat coins whenever you decided to stream and to talk to your fans. Noah was the first one to buy all of your merch and wearing it (if it was possible).

Basically he was and still is your one and only true fan. He doesn't mind being called a simp by his friends and close ones either. After all, your music saved his life when he was really depressed and was planning on committing suicide. You will always be his cute little angel whether you like it or not.

Back to the elevator scene though:

Noah's breath hitched and he couldn't look away from you. For the first time in his life he saw you in real life! AND IT WAS ALONE IN THE ELEVATOR WITH HIM! Not in the fan meeting like he thought it would happen too?!

"It has to be fate. We're meant for each other! I knew we will meet sooner or later MC~"

Although he was itching to just tap your shoulder, feeling a little bit of your body and ask for an autograph with selfie, but he behaved himself. Why? Because Noah knows where you live now. It would be wasteful, to throw the chance of pretending to meet you naturally just for these temporary things.

He will save these requests of his for later, when you will be deep into the relationship with him.

Thanks for reading my AU drabble of Noah fanboy! Bye!

[shadyvoxtruth]

How ShadyVox Threatened Myself & Others For Years

My name is Martin Billany but I am also known as LittleKuriboh in the YouTube sphere/Yu-Gi-Oh fandom.

I am posting this here for posterity in case all of my other posts elsewhere about it are removed. Also because there has never been a single unified place to find all of this information presented in sequence.

Patrick, also known by his pseudonyms of ShadyVox or Scratch21's Matt Robinson or Blake Swift, spent the better part of 2019-2023 both threatening me and manipulating a group of real victims.

A brief history - for those who don't know, Patrick/ShadyVox and myself were heavily involved in the "abridged series" world in the late 2000s/mid 2010s. I myself started the whole abridged parody nonsense with Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, and Patrick would follow suit by doing a Yu-Gi-Oh GX Abridged. We met through content creation and formed a friendship through it. Not best friends or anything, but friendly enough.

Patrick would later leave the abridged series stuff behind and start over making music, working in original animation for popular internet channels, etc. Stuff he was genuinely very good at. It was a strong choice to move away from parody content, as it likely would have held him back at some point.

At a certain point in 2018, I received a communication from him that requested I remove certain YouTube comments on my videos that featured him. These comments were demanding to know why Patrick was following various right wing channels and were calling him alt-right, etc.

I agreed to remove the comments because I considered him a friend and automatically assumed there was some big misunderstanding. As it turned out, he was subscribed to a few channels that caused me to confront him.

I was emotional and upset, admittedly. Things politically were at a fever pitch and I had been swept up by it. I have included screencaps of our conversation.

Later I would apologize to him for my outburst and try to make amends. You're probably wondering why I would include this since it doesn't seem to involve Patrick threatening me, and it seems if anything to suggest I got upset at him.

That is because I truly believe this is the moment Patrick decided he was going to find some way to come after me. I believe that Patrick had spent a lot of time creating a mask for himself, and had worn it very well, and the moment someone saw through it for even a moment he decided I had to be dealt with somehow.

At this point - mid 2018 - Patrick and I were not close. We hadn't worked on anything together in half a decade. We really only kept in touch in a cursory fashion. So I imagine this interaction stuck in Patrick's craw something awful.

I was, however, closer with the person Patrick had worked in conjunction with on his abridged series, X. These days X is my best friend. Back then, I don't know how close we were. But definitely closer than either of us were with Patrick.

One day in 2019, entirely out of the blue, Patrick messages me privately to inform me that X once slept with a girl who was 17 when he was in his early 20s.

My own spouse was sexually assaulted before I met them, and as a result I have a no tolerance policy on anything that even could resemble assault. So I immediately ended my friendship with X.

And as I was doing so, Patrick told me repeatedly that I was overreacting.

As you can see, by Patrick/Shady's own words, this was a long time ago. Just under a decade or so, by my count.

And most importantly, Patrick had been aware of this for the whole decade or so and chose this very moment to tell me that this happened.

I want you to keep that in mind, especially the fact that when I said I was ending my friendship with X, Patrick's actual response was "it was a long time ago, he's gotten better."

It was painful to end my friendship with X, but I did. I told him that if he could provide satisfactory proof that what Patrick had said didn't represent the facts of the situation, I could be his friend again. Until then, I cut off all communication from X.

A week or so later I received specific evidence that pointed to a situation wherein Patrick was intentionally misrepresenting what happened, or the alleged victim's story. The alleged victim VERY specifically disagreed with Patrick.

You'll note that I'm not including screen caps of these conversations - that is because the alleged victim, and other involved parties, DO NOT WANT to be part of any of this and have needed actual therapy because of Patrick's behavior in the past. Not just here.

Anyway.

I returned to Patrick/Shady and told him there had been a misunderstanding. I wanted to clear the air and give him a chance to say something along the lines of "oh okay, obviously I had my facts wrong." I mean, as you yourself have just read - he said himself that this was a long time ago. Maybe he got some wires crossed.

This is how Patrick actually responded:

The screenshots were taken on different dates, hence why his twitter icon looks different suddenly.

But yes. His response to me explaining that the alleged victim disagreed with his stance, was to insist that the alleged victim must be lying and that I should be absolutely infuriated.

After he'd tried to tell me that there was no point in being upset about this information that he had sat on for the better part of a decade.

Patrick continued to scream at me via dm, repeatedly requesting that I give him my phone number so we could talk about this. I assume this is because he didn't want any kind of text evidence of what he was going to say to me, or what he was doing.

He would later, mid-conversation, tell me that he was deleting all of his dms to me. Not sure why. It doesn't remove them from my side of the conversation, so I still have access to all of them. I have not shared the entire private message thread yet, because it's sensitive and involves people beyond just myself. But if the dms ever do need to be made public entirely, I have them.

I ended up blocking Patrick during this very conversation because he had begun screaming at me, behaving extremely unhinged and in a frightening manner. I honestly think he had hoped that I would initially try to defend my friend from his accusation, in which case he was going to fly off the handle then. But because I had genuinely believed him and removed my friend from my life, only to then learn Patrick's story didn't hold water, he had no choice but to lash out now. When it didn't make any sense to suddenly be irate about a thing he had told me about, and had literally just said "it was a long time ago."

Within 24 hours, Patrick had sent me a threatening email saying he was going to expose me for everything I was doing. I have attached the highlights of the email, parts that don't involve other people's names.

Some of the references in this email - specifically about how I've associated with others and ignored people calling me out for it - are related to a podcast I was on, alongside Patrick. Until recently I had indeed tried to move on with my life after a number of the people involved had revealed themselves to be toxic. I had made efforts to separate myself from those people. It had been years since I'd really had any direct connection to any of them.

I do indeed regret not speaking out about it sooner.

Having said this, Patrick himself was equally as guilty for not speaking out - and had in fact spent a significantly larger amount of time talking to/working with the people in question.

As such, I believe a lot of this is some form of bizarre projection on his part.

I ignored the email because I was a) worried that he had suddenly snapped, and b) I didn't think any of the content warranted a response.

A day later, I received this email from Patrick where his tone has changed entirely:

As you can see, this is more in line with the reality of the situation. He is apologizing profusely and insisting I didn't actually do anything wrong, and that he was the one in the wrong.

You'll also note that he signs this particular email "Patrick." That is because it is his real name, and I believe he was possibly appealing to my humanity and the part of me that might still have seen a friendship worth salvaging. Otherwise I could not tell you why he signed his real name - he typically hates using it.

I still did not reply because at this point I was confused and scared and wanted him to leave me alone. And to that point, he had specifically stated at the end of his email that he was the problem and he would not "involve himself in my life any longer."

The police were contacted and they told him to stop. I had hoped that my part in all of this was over.

Later that very month, Patrick announced on his ShadyVox twitter account that a new GX Abridged was coming out for April Fools.

When it is posted on April 1st - less than a month after he had sent his email saying he would remove himself from my life, and not long after the police have visited him - the video contains many references to our conversations, and specifically the fact that the police got involved.

Yes, after being told by the police to stop - and after writing an email that insisted he knew he was the real problem and would be getting help - he decides to make a mockery of the situation publicly, in a manner that nobody else will understand. Except the people it is targeting.

The tweets about this video are the only thing remaining on Patrick's twitter account, as he had purged it some time ago.

(An aside - I do recall someone attempting to call Patrick out for being toxic previously on twitter, and his response was to spam them with the words "PROVE IT. PROVE IT. PROVE IT." until they gave up. I would include screenshots of this, but like I said - he purged his entire twitter except for this specific GX Abridged video he'd thrown together in a week to respond to the fact that the authorities had intervened to get him to stop)

One other important element of this video - which is where, I believe, this whole thing veers into genuinely disturbing territory - is that it is interspersed with garbled footage intended to look like some sort of creepypasta/vhs effect. At the end of the GX Abridged video, it is clear that Patrick is using this video to allude to some upcoming song tracks he is producing.

Songs that are tailored to threaten me in cryptic, indirect ways that very few people pick up on.

But I'll get to those later.

During 2019, Patrick reaches out to actual victims of the toxic individuals from the podcast I used to be on more than half a decade before any of the stuff chronologized in this post. He tells them lies, and demonizes me to the point that it convinces them that I am still both defending/supporting the toxic individuals, and actively mocking their victims in private.

I am aware of this because Patrick tweets about it - before deleting the tweets entirely. He even attempts to throw popular abridging group TeamFourStar under the bus, which I assume was merely out of spite because they had absolutely nothing to do with any of this.

I wish I had screengrabbed the tweets when they were still up, but there is still remaining evidence that they did exist.

Here is someone posting on Reddit about it - he only references one tweet, but this was around the time Patrick was posting and then immediately deleting what he'd said. I honestly can only assume - but I think he was fishing for people to latch on to what he was saying and contact him privately.

Not to mention the fact that the police had specifically told him to stop, so that was likely in the back of his mind also.

Here is someone replying to a since suspended twitter account that was discussing what Patrick was saying about TeamFourStar. Obviously I have no clear way to prove it, but please know that I have no reason to make that much up and point to a random ass tweet.

I imagine Patrick (not the suspended person in the above screencap) realized the best way to not seem directly to blame or involved at all was to remove any and all posts he'd made. Admittedly it would have worked if I didn't have the dms and these emails.

Speaking of emails, I received a third one in late 2019 - as you can see, Patrick's promise of leaving me alone forever didn't even last a year.

You'll note that he's speaking as though the second email never even happened. He's also just plain lying through his teeth for a significant part of it, but I think it's most important to note that this email requires you to assume the second email never got written.

He has gone from pages and pages of "of course it wasn't your fault, I'm the problem, you're good, I'm bad" to "I told you..."

Also, I think the words "You tried to damage me" should be highlighted here as it reinforces my theory that all of this was about me insulting him for all the right wing channels he'd subscribed to. Which, to me, was barely even a thought in my mind at this point.

So I choose to ignore this email also. Because y'know, why would I even humor responding to the guy at this point? I decide that I will only speak on any of this if it becomes public conversation. Until then, anything that happens would be because of Patrick's actions.

I do let my friends know about all of this - including TeamFourStar, who through this entire thing have been blameless and didn't even do anything to Patrick to begin with. And every time Patrick does something, I make sure people in my circle are aware and to be cautious.

Meanwhile Patrick alludes to all of this indirectly in the songs he posts to his YouTube channel. Yes, a situation that involves actual victims and one alleged victim that Patrick hadn't spoken to in years. He chose to make reference to all of this in videos where he raps, amongst other things.

There are a number of songs that feature references to this, it's mainly these two that I want to focus on

Birdy Boy is a song that is explicitly referencing Patrick's issues with me, without actually going into any details about what the issue is.

It is so clearly about me that people pick up on it - and rather than confront the issue or have a dialogue, Patrick decides to pin the comment about it to the top of the comments page.

Of course, if Patrick made any attempt to directly describe the issue or explain himself, it would likely result in the police becoming involved once again.

So he sticks to singing about the whole thing.

This next song is the most upsetting one.

Patrick/Shady writes a song called "Joker" about a psychotic individual murdering someone who "used to be funny." This is, specifically, the song that he teases at the end of the GX Abridged Episode 21 video he posted earlier in 2019 for april fools.

He has teased it multiple times on his twitter, and elsewhere, with the words "Coming Soon." The very same words he used to title his third threatening email.

Here is the email, placed next to some lyrics from the song Joker.

He is seemingly very specifically trying to threaten me without anyone noticing, in plain sight. I was unable to watch the video in full until after all of this stuff came out into the public. It was only through reading people's responses and the lyrics that I realized what he was doing.

Again, at this point I am doing and saying nothing publicly. Just watching this behavior and waiting.

Meanwhile in 2021, a videogame based on the web series TOME gets fully funded and Christopher Niosi - the creator of TOME - reaches out to the voice cast to see if they'll return. I myself was the voice of Nylocke, one of the main characters, and Patrick was the voice of THE main character.

As such, I told Christopher no and explained my reasons.

And here is Christopher's response.

Please pay careful attention to the fact that Christopher Niosi flat out says he already knew Patrick was doing this stuff - it isn't just me imagining it.

As a result of this interaction, I do not reprise my role as Nylocke and Christopher Niosi chooses to just recast every single character. Please note that he could have just recast Patrick, but did not. As a result, I feel responsible for all of the original cast losing out on work. It hurts to think about. But at least I feel like I did the right thing.

One member of the TOME production staff takes it upon themselves to reach out to Patrick personally. They discover that he is planning to write more songs/raps that target me. They ask him nicely to stop. He insists that he has to do this. Y'know, make vague allusions to extremely sensitive topics that he lied about in the form of song. Has to do it.

The member of production staff tells Patrick he should seek professional help.

Patrick ignores them.

Patrick continues to engage in behavior that, while not openly hostile or even specifically targeting anyone, is very clearly intended as mockery at best and a threat at worst until 2023 when all of this comes to a head.

In August of 2023, the real victims that Patrick has manipulated make a callout post aimed at myself and TeamFourStar. It specifically cites Patrick's testimony and the songs he has posted. They have been misled, but their anger is understandable.

Within a week, it becomes apparent to all sides that this is Patrick's fault. The person who posted the callout takes it down and apologizes to everyone. Not just me. They apologize to TeamFourStar, and to X.

And only then do I speak publicly about what Patrick has been doing.

I share all of the screencaps I've posted here, and give context. It's all a little muddled as at the time, my cat was dying of terminal cancer and so all of my posts are somewhat scatterbrained and aren't in chronological order. But it's still remarkably clear to everyone that Patrick has manipulated this whole thing, starting in 2019.

And that's only the stuff I feel comfortable sharing.

Since the callout post first dropped in 2023 and I began pointing people's attention toward Patrick, Patrick himself has been entirely silent. He has dropped off the internet with nary a word in defense. Not a single person directly associated with what happened has attempted to dispute my description of events.

This isn't my word versus his. It is my word versus silence.

I have it on good authority that Patrick is alive and well. I am grateful for that much. My attempts have not been to hurt him, but to defend myself. My efforts have not been to hunt him down and crucify him, but to make people aware of what transpired - and what could have easily been undone by Patrick/Shady just choosing to stop.

Instead a number of victims, and people who never did a thing, experienced a considerable amount of trauma as a result of his thoughtless and spiteful actions.

Patrick is a remarkably talented individual, and it makes me sad I have to be the one to show people who he is. I genuinely think all of this could have been avoided. It's so meaningless. It's just pain on top of pain.

And Patrick stood in the center of it all, not just pulling people's strings but practically uprooting them and then acting like he didn't do a thing.

I'm not expecting an apology, and I'm not asking for his cancelation, whatever shape that would take. But I do think it's important that people know this happened, that he chose this.

He did this for almost no reason to a person he considered a friend, who worked on videos with him.

It just seems like the responsible thing, to make sure people are somewhat aware that he could do this to them if they aren't cautious and careful and super aware.

I'm sorry to anyone disappointed and hurt by all of this information.

Believe me, I understand.

[bitchin-tubs]

did you see the dumpster fire that is the angel dust poison music video LOL

this was from a few days ago and omg already saw the 4 episodes and that last one was just something alright... I think I wouldn't be so disgusted if the abuse wasn't so graphically shown throughout the scene and simply knowing the rapeshipper storyboarded for the episode makes you wonder if it was done out of a real concern for awareness and not canon material for themselves.

I mean this got the message across pretty well.

It was gross seeing Angel being forced into the kiss and the flash at the end with Val behind him was more than enough. But then you have Angel being actually assaulted on screen and it's not only disturbing but also gave me tonal whiplash like this show really hasn't been mature enough to be handling it this way ("call me dickmaster"...), especially later with Husk who doesn't actually comfort or reassure him at all. I mean he drops the big secret and then they get to bond over a song and a fight like ?

Also something that irked me about Husk being apparently so bothered by Angel being fake which is a shame since he did have a point about Angel playing a facade but as always the pace leaves more to be desired. We never see Husk actually come to the conclusion that Angel is exaggerating his identity he just sniffed it out of the air somehow. It would've been cool to see previous scenes of Angel coming to the bar from work too exhausted to act and let Husk see him being real, even if he doesn’t remember himself from getting black out drunk but fuck building a narrative I guess

I actually liked Angel's breakdown that was an ugly and desperate side to him we hadn’t seen in a long time

But having Vaggie scold Husk into fetching him instead of him at least feeling bad he made him run off is so yuck like the ship is so stale it’s being prodded with tweezers. I PERSONALLY believe the episode could’ve been used to develop Angel and Charlie’s friendship instead of her turning into a child at the end (Charlie and her royal demon status being ignored by the plot making my teeth grind btw) but I forget Viv doesn’t like it when her characters exist without their partners

But honestly, I am kinda happy that since Hazbin is a lot more mainstream Viv is starting to receive actual criticism and unfiltered disgusted reactions from the general public instead of the usual yesman feedback

[jennifercheckapologist]

Bandit Like Me - 00

Synopsis: You meet Ellie at her album release and she offers you her jacket.

Pairing: Rockstar!Ellie x Musician!Reader (Side Abby x Reader)

Warnings: None, really; Ellie's a slut (and southern); Reader's a slut (and southern); Reader isn't explicitly femme or masc, but I'm femme and everything I do is for myself; Eventual Smut; Joel is Super Alive

A/N: I haven't written something with a real plot that wasn't about Jennifer's Body in 5ever ! Also a transphobic radfem reblogged my last fic... terrifying. I would rather not interact with TERFs ever <3

Word Count: 1,252

On TLOU2 and Palestine

Resources

You need air- or at least, that’s what you told Abby before you rushed out onto the back patio, away from all the warm bodies, glitter, and the sounds of the world ending. It’s overwhelming being surrounded by celebrities now after all the years of shitty apartments and college parties. Now, they’re supposed to be your peers�� or something like that.

You probably weren’t supposed to be here, on the guest list for one of the biggest parties of the year at Ellie’s absurd mansion- all dressed up to celebrate her. You definitely weren’t supposed to be outside, on her back patio in the cold New York air, watching her strum her guitar to herself.

You know you’re intruding, but you just can’t turn around. Not when Ellie looks so… like that with her signature guitar in her lap and her hair messily piled up on her head. She’s under-dressed in her blue jeans and wife beater. The only sign that she isn’t in the same tax bracket as you is the bright red racer jacket covering her arms. You’d seen that jacket a million times in photos. On-stage, in paparazzi photos, in music videos.

You hadn’t expected her here, outside all alone. Not when all the people worth name-dropping were inside, celebrating the release of her newest album. It seemed she was already working on the next thing. You hadn’t expected to get to speak to her either. She’d been famous since you’d been in high school- you still had her old country songs from long before she was a rockstar saved to your phone.

She must know you’re here- you didn’t make much effort to hide your arrival- but she stays focused. Her eyes are trained on her hand at the neck of the guitar, and she’s got that wrinkle between her brows like she’s doing surgery. The longer you wait, the more awkward you feel.

“Now, what would your daddy say if he saw you right now?” You manage a bit of confidence as you take a few steps toward where she’s seated, legs crossed on the concrete. It feels like a safe enough topic; something you could talk about for a while.

She chuckles, already back to being the impossibly charming star she was back inside. She flirts the same way that she breathes- instinctually, “What if I told you that he taught me everything I know?”

The answer? You wouldn’t be surprised. You’d grown up listening to Joel’s music with your parents, and you could hear bits and pieces of him all over her music. There were touches of him in your own work too. You still idolized him- had nearly choked on your drink when you saw him inside.

“About guitar,” you murmur, already melting into her, “or women?”

“Both, but there was only so much he could tell me about guitar,” she jokes. She finally looks up from her guitar, green eyes intense as she watches you squirm in front of her, “Did he see me leave?”

You shrug in response, your arms wrapped around you as you realize how cold it is. You can feel the goosebumps along your arms, and you’re starting to really regret your outfit choice, “I couldn’t say. He looked pretty relaxed the last time I saw him.”

She starts strumming again, something familiar- you recognize it from one of her first albums. It felt like those albums were a lifetime ago, but you remember listening to her debut when you were still in high school. She was only a couple of years older than you, but it seemed she was speaking right to you. You’d recognize those first tracks any day. Her strumming stopped again when you shivered and breathed into the cold air.

“Take my jacket,” she placed her guitar aside gently and began to remove the expensive leather for you, “Joel’d be pissed if I let you freeze out here, sugar.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t,” you protest, finally sitting next to her but certainly keeping your distance. You weren’t here to get starstruck and fall hopelessly in love with your seventeen-year-old self’s crush. You were supposed to be getting fresh air. You’d already promised Abby that you wouldn’t get into trouble tonight.

“You could,” she shoved the jacket toward you, “And you should.”

You push her hand back toward her, “Ellie, I know better.”

The smirk on her face doesn’t let up as she drawls, “You’re really hurting my ego here.”

“One second I’m in your jacket, the next I’m in your bed. I know how you are.”

“I’ve heard similar stories about you,” Ellie placed her jacket in front of you and crossed her arms, celebrating her minor victory as you picked it up and used it to cover your legs, “You don’t have to hop in my bed for it, I promise. I’m still a gentleman. Just don’t tell your girlfriend.”

“I’m sure she won’t mind. She’s a big fan,” You wink. ‘Fan’ might be a strong word here, but so was ‘girlfriend.’ What you and Abby had was something in between that. You looked good together, and you had fun. You tried not to think too much about Ellie knowing anything about your love life.

She reached for her guitar again with a laugh, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

You watched as she stood to leave, seemingly pleased with that being the end of your interaction. You stood awkwardly and called her name, folding her jacket over your arm. She only turned back around to you when she reached the door back into her house, “Your jacket?”

And god, you want to push her for how cocky she looks as she turns on her heel to grin at you, “Don’t worry, I’ll take it back once I’ve seen you in it.”

The moment she’s inside, the whole interaction feels fake. The only evidence you have of the moment is the red leather covering your arm, and you feel like a ridiculous teenager as you bring it to your nose to take in her scent. It smells earthy and expensive and now you’re certain you were smart not to put it on. If you had kept bantering with her, surrounded by her scent like this, you would be in trouble.

You stay outside, thinking about the feeling of being with Ellie for a little longer before heading back in to find Abby. She lights up when she sees you, her large arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you in like you really do belong to her. She’s warm against you, and when she gives you your personal space back, she has confusion contorting her face as she stares at the leather folded over your arm, “That’s new.”

“Yeah,” you attempt to shrug off the edge in her voice, “I ran into Ellie Williams outside and it was cold so she-”

“She left her own party to sit outside and wait for a pretty girl to need a jacket?” She murmurs into your ear, pulling you back into her. You can already tell she’s preparing to make this a thing.

You frown up at her, “She was working on a song or something. I interrupted her and she was really nice about it.”

“I’m sure she was.”

“Oh, stop it,” you hook your free arm around her neck, “She knew I came with you.”

That makes the corners of her mouth perk up. She presses a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth before responding, “Good.”

Housekeeping: Dividers again by @saradika ; pinterest board that got me here ; As always, I'm a black femme lesbian and that's my truth

[ginxyy]

Steal the show

You'll be one and baby I'll be two Would you mind it if I said I'm into you?

The gentle hum of the plane’s engines mingles with your racing heart as you descend back to familiar ground after another whirlwind of shows. The familiarity of lingering airport smells, mingling with the excitement of overseas travel, wraps around you like an old coat as you navigate the terminal. You could barely contain the swirl of emotions that churned within you. It felt electric, a tingling awareness that something monumental was about to happen. Little did you know, destiny was about to weave a tapestry of moments that would shift the very fabric of your life.

You think of Hoshi, your childhood best friend whose laughter is as infectious as the sun’s rays on a summer’s day. You can still remember the first time you two sang together, the way his voice effortlessly harmonized with yours. Over the years, the two of you carved paths through the music industry, despite the inevitable distance that fame constructed between you. Hoshi, with the charm and stage presence of a true star, became an irreplaceable member of SEVENTEEN while you blossomed as a solo artist. Though your schedules often found you tangled in commitments, your friendship remained steadfast, a lighthouse in life’s tumultuous seas.

You chuckle softly at memories of inane jokes shared between you; jokes that hinted at an undeniable chemistry. “You two should just date!” fans would tease, their laughter echoing through social media and looming in the background of your interactions. You and Hoshi would laugh it off, dismissing the idea lightheartedly, but deep down, the mountains of unspoken words piled quietly between you like dust on a forgotten bookshelf.

But love, as you’ve learned, has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. A few weeks ago, your world tilted ever so slightly when rumors spread that Hoshi was dating someone. You’d tried to brush it off, convinced that his happiness was all that mattered. Yet, every time you saw pictures of him smiling with another girl, it felt like tiny shards of glass in your heart, each photo a painful reminder of what might have been. The acknowledgment of your feelings was overwhelming; you’d been so busy denying your heart’s whispers that you hadn’t even noticed its steady crescendo.

In a moment of vulnerability, you turned to your music, pouring the tumult of emotions into a cover of "Steal the Show" by Lauv. The lyrics echoed your feelings of devotion and longing, of wanting him to shine, even if it was without you. With shaky hands and a hopeful heart, you recorded the video, pouring your soul into the melody and posting it on Instagram, a silent confession to him, an expression of everything you hadn’t yet had the courage to say aloud.

And then, you landed. You felt the earth solidify beneath your feet, yet your heart raced, a wild stallion awaiting its master. You stepped through the airport gates, filled with anticipation and worry. Had he seen your cover? Did he know how you felt?

That’s when you see him, standing at the arrival gate, his familiar silhouette instantly igniting warmth within you. Hoshi’s eyes, those dark pools filled with laughter and love, lock onto yours, and for a brief moment, the world feels still. Your breath catches in your throat as he rushes toward you, his grin electrifying the air between you. You can hardly believe this moment is real, a sweet alignment of cosmic forces designed to bring you two back together.

And then, before you can conjure any words, before you can even think about how to filter this burgeoning love into a gentle confession, Hoshi is upon you, his arms wrapping around you tight, grounding you in a way you only thought possible in dreams. The kiss comes unexpectedly, yet feels inevitable, soft yet fervent, as if the world around you melts away, leaving just the two of you intertwined in a space of togetherness.

“I love you,” he breathes against your lips, pulling back just enough for you to see the intensity of his gaze. “I’ve loved you this whole time.” The admission hangs in the air, shimmering with the promise of everything yet to come.

Your eyes widen in shock, and an avalanche of feelings crashes over you; joy, relief, and the thrill of acceptance flood your heart. All those times you’d dismissed the teasing comments, all those decades of friendship have led to this moment how could you have missed it?

“Hoshi, I—”

But he cuts you off, a finger on your lips silencing your need to explain, to unravel the threads of your emotions. “Just let me say what I couldn’t during all those years,” he softens, his features transforming with sincerity, and you feel the walls between you collapse. “You’ve always been my star. I’ve watched you shine, and there was never anyone but you. You don’t understand how much it hurt to see you with someone else, even if it was just a thought. I want us to be more than best friends.”

Every heartbeat feels like a punctuation mark in this newfound connection. You nod slowly, absorbing the reality of his words, of your own feelings now flooding your consciousness like a river breaking its banks.

As laughter spills from your lips, warm and bright, Hoshi’s gaze softens. “So, what do you say? Let’s steal the show together.” He takes your hand, fingers interlacing comfortably, a promise etched in the gentleness of his touch.

You squeeze his hand tightly, your heart filled with an incandescent joy. “Okay, let’s do it.”

In that crowded airport, where strangers pass like waves brushing the shore, you find your voice, your rhythm, harmonizing perfectly with his amidst the chaos of the world. You had both come so far, yet here you stood together, ready to face the world, no longer just friends but something far greater a love story waiting to bloom.

[livelaughlesbian00]

"Butch Awakening" BTVS Dream Storytime ft. Spike

I knew I liked women as a teen, but realizing I didn't like men came in college and hit me like a truck. Realizing I'm lesbian was a tougher pill to swallow than believing I was bi. But that's a long story that maybe I could tell later...

However my butch awakening experience from a couple years ago is more fun and easier to tell.

And it involves this sassy fucker. Shoutout Spike ✌️

As a kid in elementary private school, I had an attempt at a tomboy phase. Reflecting back, part of it stemmed from a "pick me" internalized misogyny mindset, but the other part of me felt comfortable and confident when I wore those 2000s DC skate shoes, hi tops, had shorter hair, etc.

I wanted to wear the private school uniform pants but as many butches can probably relate, I had an ass, growing hips, and calves and these were uniform pants designed in 2008-2013. So I settled for baggy jumper dress, baggy shirt, baggy sweatshirt, tights, biker shorts over them, and converse. I could tell something was different but I didn't exactly know why yet.

I tried befriending boys and wanted the bond I saw the non popular boys have with each other as opposed to what I saw in my class's popular Catholic sporty girl crowd. (In middle school I was obsessed with "The Outsiders". Curious if any other butches were). I didn't fit in with the girls in many ways, including my geekiness. I soon learned that I did not fuck with everything my boy classmates said or did. Seemed like I was a weird in between that didn't exist.

That tomboy phase did not last long as a ballerina & theater kid who loved dancing and musical theater. I was pretty good too. I slipped back into femininity before experiencing some gender envy towards pretty men in late high school. As it turns out, femininity (and "liking" men) was just another performance for me, but I loved performing which caused that years-long confusion! So I was "on stage" constantly.

Then came a day in college where I suddenly realized I really wasn't attracted to men, could do without them romantically and sexually for the rest of my life so I should probably dump my boyfriend, and really just wanted women (and as I've grown to accept, people with similar gender experiences as me). Yay lesbian! But I wasn't a butch yet. Butch L was still in hiding.

I started thinking back with a new clarifying lens at so many memories in my childhood. I questioned the "crushes" I had on men in a whole new light.

Then Spike materialized in a dream with priceless awakening insight

I had started watching Buffy for the first time a year or two prior to realizing I was lesbian but put a pause on it. I came back to watching it shortly after my lesbian awakening, which at the time, felt more like an identity crisis. I had a lot of unpacking and reframing to do that I couldn't avoid now. I had previously wondered if I had a crush on Spike because I struggled defining the feelings I had about his look, demeanor, and how female fans swooned over him. That would get cleared up real quick though.

One night I dreamt I was a part of the Scooby gang. We all met at the library in the high school as we prepared to take on the "big bad" of the episode. Buffy, Faith, Willow, and Cordelia stood by me as we looked up at Giles and Spike talking on the stairs.

I looked at Spike with admiration as he shared something important with everyone, but my focus quickly drifted over to the other women standing next to me. Dream me was so jealous of how they looked at him. He held their attention in a way I didn't. I thought about how Drusilla and Buffy wanted him in a way they wouldn't want me.

I eyed his style up and down and grew jealous of how cool it was. So dream me did exactly what anyone would do. As he spoke, I started replacing my clothes with a style closer to his á la 2000s Barbie dress up video game.

Woke up with the realization that I just had really bad lesbian gender envy (and women attention envy) for Spike. I decided that since I was so jealous of his style I could just take parts of it to make it my own. So I did and still sort of do.

Old fit check of stolen Spike look below~

Thanks Spike for appearing in a dream years ago to confirm the fact that the "crushes" I had on men were purely gender envy 🫡

That gender envy realization led me down a path for navigating lesbian masculinity and butch values that I hold now!

[veritas-scribblings]

nightclub - @jartylusmicrofics - words: 933 [mature: sexual language]

[in-universe: electric and video; takes place before electric]

‘Bartemius fucking Crouch.’

The club is crowded, dark and thrumming. James can feel the vibrations under his skin, in his teeth. The doofdoofdoof of the music like a pulse keeping the place alive. It’s nearing midnight and Sirius has run off somewhere because he never misses a chance to hook up, leaving James alone and leaned up against a pillar. James nurses a drink, watches the throng of bodies dancing and people occasionally trying to make eye contact with him.

He isn’t bitter about it really; he wishes Sirius well in his endeavours. Sirius is reeling from yet another break-up and a casual no-names-no-numbers hook up is exactly what the guy needs. James, however, is done with the casual hook ups. The ‘no-names and no-numbers’. He was never made for it in the first place. No, James wants something real, something long-lasting. Maybe even something eternal. Eventually.

‘Don’t call me that, cunt.’ Barty grins at James.

He has poked metal through his body since James last saw him, some four years ago now. There’s a silver bar through his ear, a bar through his eyebrow, tattoos up both arms. Barty had always been a twig when they were growing up together as children, and after gaining some height as an adolescent he had rapidly achieved the status of ‘bean pole’. But now, there are ropes of lean muscle up his arms and he’s broadened in the shoulders just a little bit. It’s a good look on him, James thinks, though it makes him appear somewhat more intimidating.

‘Where’s your guard dog?’ Barty asks. He takes James’s drink and downs it in one gulp, and then coughs and glares into the cup as though it has insulted him. ‘The fuck is this?’

‘Jaegerbomb. Sirius’s idea.’ James snorts. ‘He’s gone off with someone.’

‘And left you here all alone while he’s busy getting his dick wet? How inconsiderate.’ Barty dumps the glass on the floor beside them and then leans up against the pillar that James is occupying, looming over James. ‘So you’re just stuck here being a loner then, because the boy you abandoned me for has abandoned you for a warm mouth. Sounds like karma to me, bitch.’

James rolls his eyes. ‘Sounds to me like you’re going to buy me another drink, bitch.’

‘If I do, will you put out?’ Barty snickers; the question comes out more suggestive and less joking, taking James entirely off-guard. ‘For the record, I never abandon my friends for a quick shag.’ He leans over and says by James’s ear, low and husky, ‘I invite them to join. So, come on.’

Barty grabs his wrist and pulls him towards the dance floor, through groups and couples who are practically gyrating.

‘What? Wait—’ James tries to pry himself loose, but Barty is stronger than he looks.

Barty stops and turns around, leaning so close to James that James can feel his breath. ‘Stop being so lame, Jamie, we’ll show you a good time,’ he says.

Barty hasn’t called him that, Jamie, since they were ten and had friendship foisted upon them on the basis of mere proximity to one another. Back then it had been, ‘Don’t be lame, Jamie,’ when Barty had wanted to do something that was clearly not a good idea, either because James was sure that Barty’s father would flip his shit or that whatever Barty wanted to do would ultimately lead to death or the loss of limbs.

Now, the ‘Don’t be lame, Jamie,’ sounds loaded, like the promise of an absolutely great time so very different to the absolutely great times when they were children.

Standing on the edge of the congregation of sweaty, dancing bodies, James can suddenly see what Barty’s talking about. Regulus Black is dancing alone, though James can tell that the people on the periphery of him are trying to get his attention. He’s wearing a white shirt, the top few buttons open, and a black and deep-green waist coat, looking out of place in the ‘drawing looks, standing out from the crowd’ sense of the word.

‘Well?’ Barty stands behind James, a hand on his shoulder, speaking by his ear. ’For the record, I give damned good blow jobs. I can suck your brain out through your dick. Just ask Regulus.’

James can’t stop the shiver that runs through him, or the thoughts and images that race through his brain, or how all sensation in his body starts to drain down to his groin. He can’t even stop his mouth from running and the, ‘You sucked Regulus’s brain out through his dick?’ that slips out uninvited.

Barty laughs and takes James by the shoulders, steering him and shoving him directly into Regulus, who stumbles a little bit. They’re nearing the speakers, so Barty has to almost shout to be heard.

‘Yeah, I did. Didn’t I, Reg?’

Regulus doesn’t reply. He’s a little bit sweaty, a little bit messy, his black curls tousled, his eyes dazed from drinking. It’s a good look on him, James thinks. Regulus doesn’t smile, though he does tip his head to the side inquisitively, like there’s something puzzling about James that he’s trying to figure out.

James can feel Barty pressed up against him, Barty’s hands on James’s waist, the outline of his hard body.

‘I have a theory,’ Barty says behind him, ‘though Reg won’t believe me. That it’s the boring, dull, vanilla “trapped on the conveyor belt of white picket fences and 2.5 children” capitalist slaves who are the freakiest in bed. You strike me as entirely vanilla, Jamie. Are you a freak between the sheets?’

[nitrateglow]

Spooky Season 2024: 12-22

Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge (dir. Richard Friedman, 1989)

The opening of the new mall is hampered by one thing: a Phantom hiding in the air vents, and committing robbery and murder. It turns out this Phantom is really a teenager named Eric (Derek Rydall) disfigured in a fire set by the mall's developers to clear out any remaining houses impeding their dreams of commercial development. Now, Eric plans on having his revenge and watching over his girlfriend Melody (Kari Whitman), now an employee of the mall. But what will he make of her burgeoning romance with a journalist?

Talk about pure '80s cheese. This film feels like it was made to capitalize on the slasher cycle and the popularity of the Andrew Lloyd Weber Phantom of the Opera megamusical. It's not a particularly good movie, but it is dumb fun. I love how this Phantom makes free use of the goods available in the stores and how he spams his spin kick attack like he's in a video game.

Also, Pauly Shore is in this. He has a great scene talking about subliminal messaging in department stores, but is otherwise the usual Pauly Shore.

Hangover Square (dir. John Brahm, 1945)

Musician George Harvey Bone (Laird Cregar) is disturbed by long sessions in which he blacks out. He fears he may be committing murder, but is reassured by the police when he goes to them that isn't likely. Detective Dr. Allen Middleton (George Saunders) advises the overworked George take a break from composing. George does so by going to a pub where he meets the lovely Netta Longdon (Linda Darnell), a music hall entertainer who dreams of fame. George and Netta enter into a toxic relationship in which she uses him to advance her career while seeing other men on the side. When George discovers her treachery, his blackouts return-- this time in a far more violent form.

I'm starting to become fascinated by John Brahm, a director best remembered for his moody, macabre dramas in the 1940s. Hangover Square was his second and final collaboration with the talented but doomed Laird Cregar, who died two months before the film was released. It's as much a noir as a horror picture, drenched in that chiaroscuro lighting and urban dread so common to the classic cycle.

Cregar is astonishing in the lead role. Though handsome, he was a bigger man, so Hollywood refused to allow him to transition into leading man parts. He is marvelous here, passionate and sensitive, yet also sinister once his jealous rage takes over. I've seen Cregar in multiple films and he was truly fantastic, able to be comic as well as dramatic. Hollywood didn't deserve him.

Lastly, Linda Darnell's character sings this really catchy song when Cregar first sees her. I saw this film weeks ago but it is STILL STUCK IN MY HEAD.

The Sealed Room (dir. DW Griffith, 1909)

In some nondescript time period (everyone's dressed like it's either the early 18th century or the middle ages), a king (Arthur V. Johnson) learns his mistress (Marion Leonard) is smooching with a musician (Henry B. Walthall). Jealous to the point of rage, he has the couple sealed in a small room where they suffocate to death.

The Sealed Room is a gem from the nickelodeon era, though I admit my liking for it comes from how extra all the performances are, even by the standards of the early silent period.

It also has one of my favorite instances of what I like to call "silent film logic"-- that is, scenes featuring action that would be very loud in real life, but in a silent film, you may not think about it as much. Here, the king has the lovers walled up alive in a small room, where they lounge unaware. And yet, there's workers slapping up a brick wall not ten feet away from them! It's very amusing.

Frankenhooker (dir. Frank Henenlotter, 1990)

When his girlfriend Elizabeth (Patty Mullen) gets hacked to death by an automatic lawnmower he built, medical student Jeffrey (James Lorinz) decides to resurrect her by killing sex workers for their shapely body parts then sewing Elizabeth's severed head on top. He does this by having his victims smoke explosive crack.

No, I'm not making this up.

I first heard about Frankenhooker from James Rolfe of Angry Video Game Nerd fame. It sounded so insane that I knew I had to watch it. It's-- well, it's definitely a bizarre movie with lots of crude humor and pitch black jokes.

Would you believe me if I said it was kind of an unsung feminist work? I definitely did not expect THAT angle coming in, but that messaging is definitely there. Jeffrey is a villain-protagonist through and through, even before he starts committing murder. We learn he was already demanding Elizabeth modify her appearance to suit his tastes before she got killed. He views women as more a collection of body parts than proper people. However, his misogyny does catch up with him in the end and his fate at the resurrected Elizabeth's hands is the very definition of irony. I don't want to spoil it.

It's definitely not for everyone, but if you have a sick sense of humor and some friends that share that humor, you'll have a good time.

Friday the 13th: Part 2 (dir. Steve Miner, 1981)

A summer camp close to the infamous Camp Crystal Lake is about to open. Little do the young, horny counselors know, Jason (Warrington Gillette and Steve Daskewicz)-- the boy that allegedly drowned long ago-- is still alive and he's mad his mama got decapitated in the previous film. Lots of people die.

I confess I have a hard time getting into these Friday the 13th films. I've read it took a few entries for the series to find its footing as gloriously dumb schlock, but the first one and this sequel were mostly boring for me. About all I liked was the last twenty minutes, when the heroine's background in child psychology comes into play. Otherwise, this gets a big meh from me. Not horrible, but nothing I can imagine I'll ever rewatch.

Corridor of Mirrors (dir. Terence Young, 1948)

A party girl (Edana Romney) becomes involved with a Renaissance era-obessed artist (Eric Portman). Their fetishistic relationship leads to heartbreak and murder.

Already discussed this one is great detail at my Wordpress blog. It's a great romantic thriller in the vein of Vertigo and Rebecca.

The Old Dark House (dir. James Whale, 1932)

During a thunderstorm, a group of unwary British travelers are marooned at the crumbling mansion of the Femm family, a collection of eccentrics who may be insane. Everything goes wrong: the hulking butler gets drunk and preys on the women visitors, the area may flood, the lights go out, and there may be a homicidal maniac imprisoned in one of the rooms upstairs. Will anyone survive the night?

I have raved about this film for a long time now. It's truly a favorite of mine in general, not just for the Halloween season. Both witty and chilling, it's an atmospheric masterpiece. The damp and mold are palpable.

What fascinates me most is the Femm family itself and the gaps in their backstory. This is one movie where I feel like there's a Tolstoyan novel's worth of drama with the Femms. It's hinted that the 102-year-old patriarch of the house (played in drag by actress Elspeth Dudgeon) used to host orgies there. The death of the seductive sister Rebecca at the age of 21 may or may not have been due to inter-family foul play. Morgan the butler has a close, even weirdly tender relationship with the homicidally insane brother Saul, suggesting a myriad of possible connections between them. It's very interesting-- I like that the movie doesn't fill in all the blanks.

A Game of Death (dir. Robert Wise, 1945)

Don Rainsford (John Loder), big game hunter extraordinaire, finds himself shipwrecked on a mysterious island. The owner is Erich Kriegler (Edgar Barrier), an urbane German who also enjoys hunting, though with a slight difference-- he likes hunting humans. Teaming up with other shipwreck survivors Ellen (Audrey Long) and Robert (Russell Wade), Don tries finding a way to escape before they become Kriegler's next wall trophies.

This movie is a pallid, watered down, shot-for-shot remake of The Most Dangerous Game, one of the crown jewels of 1930s horror, so of course, I am not fond of it. And yet, I rewatch it every few years, so it must have something going for it. So instead of tearing into it as I normally do, I'll list a few things I think are actually good about it:

I like that the main character initially tries tricking Kriegler into thinking he will hunt people with him. Very pro-active.

I think Kriegler is a good villain. Not as memorably deranged and campy as Leslie Banks' Zaroff in the original film, but chilling in a more low-key way. His "the strong deserve to prey upon the weak" philosophy fits in nicely with Nazi ideologies-- no doubt what this wartime horror flick intended.

Um... I think Audrey Long is really pretty. I like her flow-y outfits.

... Yeah, that's it.

The Most Dangerous Game (dir. Ernest B. Schoedsack and Irving Pichel, 1932)

All-American big game hunter Bob Rainsford (Joel McCrea) is shipwrecked on the unlisted island of Count Zaroff (Leslie Banks), a Russian aristocrat and master sportsman who claims he now hunts "the most dangerous game" of all. Being a himbo, it takes Bob a while before he realizes that game is human beings. Unwilling to hunt alongside Zaroff when given the offer, Rainsford and fellow prisoner Eve Trowbridge (Fay Wray) wage a game with Zaroff: let loose into the island's thick jungle, if they survive the night without Zaroff or the terrain killing them, they'll go free. If not, Rainsford dies and Eve will become a rather different kind of quarry for the evil count.

Now, here's my favorite "hunter hunts people" movie! While "The Most Dangerous Game" has been adapted and ripped off multiple times for a century, the original is still hard to beat. The castle set drips with gothic grandeur. The jungle soundstage is thick and suffocating, and once the chase intensifies, it becomes like something out of a nightmare.

I actually think the climactic hunt is among the greatest sequences in all cinema. The editing is so dynamic and the images are brilliant. And when you consider this is still an early talkie, when films were still trying to rediscover their footing after silent cinema came to an end, it becomes even more remarkable.

Going on Letterboxd, I was shocked to find a lot of people on there have mixed to negative opinions about this movie, largely because they think it's too over the top and that it's messaging is too on the nose.

I mean-- yes, these things are true, but I don't see them as flaws. It probably helps that I love camp and melodrama, and am not ashamed to admit it. And regardless of the fervent camp on display, I still think the trophy room scene is creepy and the chase is super intense. I have probably seen this movie close to a hundred times and yet, the chase still has me shouting at the TV, willing the characters to run faster. That's damn fine filmmaking.

The Haunting (dir. Robert Wise, 1963)

A researcher of the paranormal brings a motley crew of ordinary people into the allegedly haunted Hill House. Both potential ghosts and the neuroses of the visitors bring on sinister events and ultimately tragedy.

I love this movie more and more. I already wrote a bit about my reaction this time around, though since then, I started rereading the source novel, Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House. Obviously, the book delves more deeply into Eleanor's psyche, but the film does a fantastic job of this as well. Given film is a visual medium, it can be a challenge to depict a character's interior state without delving into expressionism and this film does that well.

The Phantom of the Opera (dir. Terence Fisher, 1962)

Aspiring songstress Christine Charles (Heather Sears) and producer Harry Hunter (Edward de Souza) are drawn into a mystery at the London Opera House. A phantom is sabotaging any attempt to produce Joan of Arc: A Tragedy, a show allegedly written by the cold, snobby, rapey Lord Ambrose (Michael Gough). After some investigating, it turns out the Phantom (Herbert Lom) was once the meek-mannered Professor Petrie, whose music was stolen by Ambrose. Now, he wants only to see his opera done justice and only Christine's voice can make that happen.

I am very fond of this version of The Phantom of the Opera even though I think it has a myriad of dramatic flaws. Let's get the flaws out the way first. I think the film is a bit repetitive in retelling us Petrie's story over and over, at first through onscreen description and then through filmed depiction. I also think the ending is anti-climactic, like the writers didn't want to go the usual route of making the Phantom a homicidal maniac but they weren't sure how to make a properly dramatic finish without that characterization.

That out the way, this is a unique, even refreshing retelling in many ways. The Phantom/Christine relationship is no longer one of unrequited love-- in fact, Petrie seems wholly uninterested in romance or sex at all. He views Christine and himself as victims of the truly despicable Lord Ambrose: Petrie had his music stolen and Christine was sexually harrassed. Therefore, it is up to the two of them to wrest the opera back from Amrbose's influence and make it the production Petrie wanted. Petrie is one hard taskmaster. He is relentless in training Christine and at one point throws filthy sewer-water in her face when she faints.

But the Phantom is hardly an out and out villain here. He doesn't even kill people-- he has a convenient hunchbacked assistant to do that. No, the real baddie is Ambrose, among the nastiest villains in the Hammer canon. Ambrose never even kills anyone, yet he makes the blood boil with his wanton cruelty. Michael Gough (who I always remember best as Alfred in the Tim Burton Batman movies, as well as Batman Forever and Batman and Robin) is so good at being bad.

This version of POTO also has my favorite version of the Phantom's compositions. Usually, he writes a "burning" piece called Don Juan Triumphant, fitting his romantic obsession with Christine. Here, Petrie writes an opera about Joan of Arc, a virginal saint persecuted by powerful men-- a fitting subject for Petrie given his own persecution by an aristocrat. Joan's aria "I Hear Your Voice" is gorgeous and always brings me to tears, it's that beautiful.

Not a perfect film, but still a very good one.

[thefirstknife]

Some conjecture on the topic of Ergo Sum: I think people are taking the whole "this is the sword that was on our grave in the Corridors of Time" thing the wrong way. Yeah, it's the sword buried on our grave, but I don't think people realize how *big* of a moment it is that we're getting *that* sword? This sword was a direct gift from the Traveler to aid us in our upcoming battle with the Witness. This sword is going to become so iconic and important and synonymous with us that it's going to be featured prominently on our grave when we die.

Ergo Sum also shares the same Ghost pommel (little bit at the end of the handle) that the new relic we get in the "final" boss fight has as well. Both were also given to us directly by the Traveler in the same place. They're very clearly linked to one another. It's also worth noting that the last shot of the final cutscene at the end of the campaign has a Guardian wielding it prominently, with what seems to be Light radiating off of it.

I think this is going to be the sword that kills the Witness.

(Or at least directly connected to it.)

Agreed! When we saw it originally obviously we didn't know anything about it. It just looked like a cool sword. I also remember people being disappointed that this sword wasn't the actual exotic we got from the Corridors of Time puzzle.

But now, this has so much more meaning. This is the sword made by the Traveler to cut down the Witness and destroy it. Like, it's not just some weapon, it was forged by the Traveler itself for the specific purpose of unmaking the Witness. That's absolutely incredible. Us wielding it in the final fight is HUGE.

The problem with Corridors of Time grave is that we simply don't know if that's something set in stone or not. There are other timelines and our grave could be from there, although the sword being real and so important to us makes this more likely to be our timeline. It's possible that whatever happens in the raid and in the post-raid mission, we will die in our final confrontation with the Witness, wielding that sword, and our grave will be made, fulfiling the Corridors vision, but we will somehow be brought back. I would not put it past the Traveler to personally intervene and react to bring us back because of how much we've done for it and the universe as a whole.

Super speculative of course, but the existence of that sword and it being directly connected to the Traveler is way too big of a deal IMO, for the Corridors of Time grave to just be a random curiosity. Like, they did not have to make the sword look like that. A lot of players have never seen it at this point. I'd even say most players; it was only available for a total of 2 weeks well over 4 years ago.

Speaking of, here's the grave scene with the eulogy. It also shows the sword at the end. Note the music in the background: it is the same music that plays when we take the sword at the end of the Destined Heroes exotic quest (I timestamped to one of the videos of the quest I could find where you can hear it). Again, this is something few people would notice because of how long it's been and the fact that it only existed for 2 weeks: you'd know only if you played at the time and remembered the music and recognised it, which I did the moment it started playing because I am normal about the Corridors of Time.

It's important to say also that in the eulogy, Saint says that the weapon used to be his and that it was shattered in the final confrontation. The Ghost shell is also not directly connected to the pommel; I remember originally we just thought it was a normal sword and the Ghost shell was just our Ghost laid to rest with us. Ergo Sum connects these two. Some alterations are normal I think, given the amount of time it's been between these things, but I do believe this is meant to be this same sword as a throwback to our grave, especially since they literally used the same music when we retrieve it. Really wild to think about.

In all likelihood, the only person who has seen our grave is us (Quria notwithstanding), unless we told someone about it. I'd like if this was somehow discussed but since nobody else has seen it, I don't know how we would do it even if we did speak more than one line. Do we even remember? Does it even matter? I feel like it should, beyond just being a cool throwback. Eagerly waiting to see more.

[1toreyouapart]

What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

Part 5 - Noah

Noah laid there in his bed, the only light coming from the screen of his phone. The only sound in the room the old videos he kept watching. It was all that kept him going when sobriety got to be a little too difficult. And right now, it was hard as fuck. Until the other night nobody outside of his therapist had known just how much he despised himself for the shit he had put Lilith through in the end. And now he had gone and blurted it out like a fucking idiot. Such a fucking idiot. So, rather than relapse he was going to watch these old videos as many times as it took until the anxiety passed.

Listening to her laughter, seeing the way her eyes crinkled just a bit at the corners when she smiled, in and of itself was its own form of mental torture, but God, did it help keep the urge to drink away. A reminder of what life was like before the one or two drinks every so often turned into three or four most nights of the week. Then getting blackout drunk most nights of the week. Soon it was steady drinking from the moment he woke up until he passed out later that night. Rinse and repeat.

"Noah, I swear to all that is unholy. If you don't stop recording me right now I'm cutting your hair in your sleep!"

Noah chuckled to himself as Lilly in the video stopped doing her hair to run from him, laughing uncontrollably at his feeble attempt to stop her without dropping his phone. He had been obsessed with recording every moment with her when he wasn't on tour. Some excuse of watching them when he missed her, which he did do, but honestly it was because he just couldn't get enough of her. Even when they bickered he hated not being near her, always finding a reason just be around her while she tried to ignore his presence. Which she inevitably failed at, every time. Because as much as she refused to admit it at first, she needed to be near him just as much as he did her. Once upon a time, anyway.

Heaving a weary sigh he scrolled to the next video, immediately being greeted by her and Danny dressing up a skeleton Halloween decoration. Noah outright laughed as he watched the two of them dressing the skeleton up, neither understanding the directions the other was giving. It was their first Halloween in this house, and Lilly had insisted on going all out for the kids in the neighborhood. She'd had the bright idea of dressing skeletons up as Bring Me The Horizon members to put in the yard as a skeleton band.

Just then Matt walked in, flipping the light on, blinding him.

"Jesus Christ, Matt!" He yelled, covering his eyes. "The fuck do you want?"

"You've been hiding in here too long. Get your ass up and meet me downstairs in five."

"Fuck off."

"See you in five."

Matt left, leaving the door wide open. Fucking asshole. He loved Matt, he did, but he was a fucking asshole sometimes. Couldn't he just be left to rot in fucking peace?

"Fucking asshole," he grumbled, rolling out of bed. If he didn't get down there Matt would be back, likely with a bucket of water to dump on him or something stupid like that.

Noah caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he walked past it, and outwardly cringed. He looked like shit. Hair stuck up in every which way, four days worth of stubble on his face. Well, what little bit he could grow, anyway. He reached for the hoodie he'd flung on the back of his chair, pulling it over his head as he stomped out his bedroom door and to the stairs. This better be good.

***

"If you really want to make amends, hiding after having a panic attack in her kitchen isn't the way to do it."

Matt's words swam around in his head, circling over and over again. He was still an asshole, but he meant well. Of course, he was right. But how would he even go about making amends? Would she even be open to allowing him to? The way she had looked at him that night, he wasn't so sure. However, she had done everything she could in that moment to help him. Shit, it had worked better than anything anyone else did after he got home.

Carefully he leaned forward, inspecting his now shaven face. Couldn't miss any spots or it would drive him nuts. He had always been that way, but since getting sober he was more meticulous about it. Everything had to be just so or he couldn't function properly until it was fixed. Satisfied he had gotten everything he stood back up, pulling a plain white shirt over his head.

First order of business was to get cleaned up. Second was to at least attempt to get a hold of her. If she didn't answer he would just show up. Well, maybe not unannounced. That hadn't exactly gone well last time. A repeat sounded like an absolutely terrible idea if he was honest. One panic attack she might forgive, but a second one? Hardly. He was surprised she even answered her phone the last time.

Speaking of, he picked his phone up off the counter, freezing over her name. Was this a call or text situation? Maybe he should have asked one of the guys first. Jolly would probably be the one to know. He knew her best these days. Unfortunately, Jolly was out with Sadie.

Fuck it. He would text her, and if she didn't get back to him after a while then he would call. For all he knew she was at work, anyway. Heart pounding in his chest he hit the button to text her, freezing at the last message he had received from her. The night he had fucked everything up beyond repair.

"Where are you? Noah, you're worrying me."

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[6rookie-writer0110]

I still don't understand about love

Olivia Rodrigo x Male Reader.

Request - The reader has Asperger syndrome and when he has an attack Olivia's voice calms him down, so when Olivia goes to give a concert in his city the reader wants to attend even though the crowds make him nervous, the concert goes smoothly, the reader is very happy and goes to where the meet and greet is going to be, the reader is already nervous there but when Olivia approaches the reader they get along very well and connect, Olivia realizes that the reader is different and wants to know him more, so Olivia tells the reader that if he can wait for her, once they are alone they talk and begin to know each other.

•

I don't have Asperger's syndrome or know anyone personally who has it. I did my research to understand it better. But I hope it came out right in the story.

Earlier in the day, you had an attack and to calm down you put on your headphones. You are on your phone and you go on YouTube, you type in Olivia Rodrigo and you start to watch her music video. Her voice starts to calm you down and you like everything about her. After watching that video, then you watch another video of her. Your mother knocks on the door and walks in, then you take off your headphones.

“Y/n, I got this for you. It's a late birthday gift” She said.

She gives you the envelope and you start to open it. You take out the tickets and you start to read it over and over.

“Is this a mistake?” You asked.

She smiled and she shook her head.

“No, it's not a mistake. I know how much you like her music and it calms you down. I bought the tickets and VIP passes months ago, but the post office took a long time to deliver them.

“I don't know what to say,” You said.

“The show is tomorrow. I know loud noises bother you, but I know you will have a good time” She said.

“Thank you,” You said.

She smiled then she left your bedroom, she went to cook dinner. You stare at the tickets for a while then you start to think about what to wear. Now, you start to think if she should sign your CD or poster or both.

——-

The night of the concert your mom went with you. You slightly feel a panic attack but it starts to go away. With the VIP passes, you have to go in early to meet her. There is a line and everyone goes into the room to meet her. People that are ahead of you quickly went up to Olivia. Everyone is smiling and taking pictures with her. Olivia starts to sign posters and CDs then she takes more pictures with the fans. Slowly she starts to walk toward you but you don't stare at her eyes. You are starting to feel even more nervous, and you bite your bottom lip.

“Hi, I'm Olivia. Do you want me to sign your CD or poster?” Olivia said.

You don't say anything at first and she waits for you to say something. She thinks you are cute.

“After the show, I could meet with you again if that's okay,” Olivia said.

“Yes,” You said.

You look at her for two seconds then look away, then you look away.

“Okay, I will meet you after the show” Olivia smiled.

—

You and your mom go to watch the show. You are enjoying the show and you sing along to the song, in your head.

After the show, you did go backstage and you waited for her on the couch. She arrived ten minutes later and she started to smile at you. You look at her for a few seconds then you look away.

“You don't have to be nervous,” Olivia said.

You nod

“I have Asperger,” You said.

“I don't know what is it,” Olivia said.

“A lot of people don't know what it is,” You said.

You are avoiding her look but she is still smiling.

“I first saw you was in High School Musical: The Musical. I like listening to you sing” You said.

“Thank you for liking my music it means a lot to me” Olivia smiled.

You nod and you can't help to smile. Olivia asked for your phone number and you are freaking out but you don't show it.

This can't be real. Wow, Olivia Rodrigo wants my phone number.

“Why?” You asked.

“I want to get to know you, Y/n but only if you let me,” Olivia said.

“Okay,” You said.

She grabbed her cell phone and gave it to you. You type in your phone number and name. You are still freaking out about it and your heart starts to race. She sent you a text and you saved her phone number.

“You can text me anytime you want and it can be about anything. I have to go to another city in a little bit, but I hope we can get to know each other” Olivia said.

“Mhmm,” You said.

✫ ✯ ✬ ✫

2 Months Later… You always text Olivia about your day and text how you feel throughout the day etc. She does the samething with you, she told you about new projects she is doing. You know her favorite movies and favorite food. And she knows about your dislikes and how to calm you down when you have a panic attack.

Olivia has searched online what is Asperger's syndrome. She read many articles and watched videos about the topic. But you and Olivia got to know each other a lot through texting. Olivia caught feelings for you and she wants to tell you but not through texting.

Olivia- I had to do interviews today. Did you eat your lunch?

You- yes and no. They didn't cook the chicken correctly. I like your new album

Olivia - I'm happy that you like it ☺️😘

Olivia called you on FaceTime time and you answered the call…

“Y/n, in the past two months, I got to know you better. And I like you a lot and I want us to be more than friends. If you don't feel the same way, I understand” Olivia said.

You ended the call and you are processing what she said. Olivia is confused as to why you ended the call. You start to breathe a little too hard and you feel your heart racing.

“Did I hear that, right? She wants to be my girlfriend” You said to yourself.

You start to walk back and forth in your bedroom. Again, you started to talk to yourself.

“She likes me” You smiled.

You called Olivia and she answered the call.

“Sorry, I did that. I was in shock, that someone like you likes me” You said.

“Oh, that's why you hung up on me. Do you like me?” Olivia said.

“I like you a lot. But I don't understand about love or feelings in a relationship. I-I never had a girlfriend before. When I tell someone I have Asperger's syndrome, everything changes” You said.

“That doesn't change how I feel about you. I did my research on Asperger's syndrome, so I can understand better” Olivia said.

“I want to be your boyfriend,” You said.

“It’s official, we are boyfriend and girlfriend,” Olivia said.

“Yeah,” You smiled.

——

Olivia has a few days off, but she wants to spend time with you. You are home getting ready for your first date and your mom is happy for you. You are feeling nervous and you hope she won't change her mind, about being your girlfriend. Olivia went to pick you up and she is smiling at you.

“You look beautiful. I-I got flowers for you. They said girls like flowers and the flowers are fresh, my mom made sure” You said.

“Thank you for the flowers, they are beautiful. I rented a private restaurant for us” Olivia said.

Olivia thought it would be a good idea, to have fewer people and paparazzi around you and her. She doesn't want you to feel overwhelmed and have a panic attack.

“I’m ready to leave,” You said.

“Let’s go” Olivia smiled.

Olivia took you to a small nice restaurant. She sits across from you and you admire her beauty. You are feeling emotions that you never felt before. It took you a while to figure out what you wanted to eat, but she didn't rush you to order. You like that she didn't rush you to order something fast or something you don't like to eat.

“Y/n, I'm going to Grammys this weekend. Do you want to go with me?” Olivia said.

“Really?” You asked.

“Yes, I want to go with you. But it could be overwhelmed you and you might get a panic attack. But I will be there for you and I won't leave your side. I don't want to pressure you to go if you don't want to go” Olivia said.

“I will go with you, Olivia,” You said.

Your hand is on the table and she gently touches your hand. You like her touch, it's soft and it calms you down. You were feeling nervous but she made you feel stuff, that you never experienced but you liked it.

You and Olivia ordered the food. While waiting, she talks about the color dress she will wear for the Grammys. Then she asked about your new hobby.

After dinner, you went to see a movie with her. During the movie, you did something bold you held her hand. After a few seconds, you loved your hand away.

“We can hold hands” Olivia whispered.

You nod. Twenty seconds later, you hold her hand and she doesn't move her hand away. You can't believe that she is letting you hold her hand.

✫ ✯ ✬ ✫

The night of the Grammys… Olivia picked you up in a limousine and you can't stop staring at your girlfriend.

“Y/n, you look very handsome,” Olivia said.

She kissed your cheek.

“You are beautiful and I like your smile,” You said.

She blushed and she smiled again. You follow Olivia to the limo and it's huge. On the way to the Grammys, she noticed that you were starting to have a small panic attack.

“Baby, it's okay I'm here,” Olivia said.

She moved closer toward you and you are breathing hard. The limo arrived at the Grammys but you are hesitating to get out of the limo. She gently touches your cheek and she starts to sing and it's helping you calm down.

“I love you, Y/n I really mean that” Olivia said.

“I-I… I don't know what love is” You said.

“I know. You don't have to say it back right now, say it when you are ready” Olivia said.

“I’m sorry I didn't mean to ruin your night” You said.

“You didn't ruin anything, I mean it. Can I kiss you?” Olivia said.

You don't say anything and she will be your first kiss. You lean and kiss her on the lips and she kissed you back, then she smiled.

“I have strong feelings for you, Olivia” You said.

“I feel the same way” Olivia said.

She kissed you again. She told her assistant to take you to the back door, to avoid the paparazzi. But Olivia had to take pictures and do short interviews, but you wait inside for her.

——

Since the night of the Grammys, you and Olivia are still going strong. When she has time off, she will go see you. But you and Olivia still text a lot when she is traveling for work. Olivia doesn't mention your name in the interviews, because she wants the relationship to be private. She doesn't want your mental health to become bad when paparazzi start following you everywhere.

[inadvisablebutinevitable]

what time period accurate songs do you think jeremy would be listening to in tsc? 👀

Miss California by Dante Thomas

Anon I love you so much because you have no idea how much I ask this to myself on a regular basis. A couple weeks ago I was walking to work whilst brainstorming Jeremy Knox music headcanons and almost died to the tune of Believe by Cher while crossing the street. (Embarrassing, but also, what a way to go)

after changing my mind about 700 times, I decided that Jeremy, at least on a surface level, will dance/sing to literally any popular song with a good beat, (whether or not he actually sings the right lyrics is always 50/50) but he does love to sing. This comes from a tumblr post I saw like years ago saying that Jean takes a video of Jeremy singing Kylie Minogue’s “Your Disco Needs You” at 3am, and now that’s just canon Jeremy to me.

Jeremy was a kid in the 90s so TONS of 90s nostalgia stuff, all upbeat. Song 2, All star, What is love, Baby one more time, Tubthumping, all the catchy earworms he would hear on the radio and belt out as a kid. (It’s @kevinsdsy’s fault song 2 was the first on this list. The Jeremy Knox blur brainrot is real)

Jeremy, having heard these songs as a kid, knows all the lyrics just by memory. Even he doesn’t know about this until Cat plays Ricky Martin on her boombox and all of a sudden Jer is on the table with a solo cup microphone.

(“isn’t he only attracted to men?”Jean whispers to Cat as they watch Jeremy belt out ‘She Bangs’ in the most enthusiastic way possible.

“Honestly, l didn’t even think about that. I’m just pissed that they’re only playing the English version”, Cat whispers back)

Jeremy is also notorious for dancing to other team’s entrance songs when they walk on the court. The Breckenridge Jackals, for example, walk on court to Who Let the Dogs out, and Jer unironically uses that as pump up music. He aggressively nods his head to the beat of Let’s Get it Started when Penn State walks out. This leads to many (many) YouTube compilations titled something along the lines of “10 mins straight of Jeremy Knox shaking ass to his opponent’s anthems”

BUT also, privately, on his little 2006 iPod Mini (lol remember those), Jeremy listens to more alt rock (modern-day dad rock), like Muse, The Killers, Queens of The Stone Age etc… (this is based on a lighter version of the style of music Nora assigned to Andreil in the EC, and also my personal taste from that time period). I think it’s what he listens to on bad days, either bc he needs to drown out his depressing thoughts after seeing his family, or bc he isn’t quite mentally ready to fully process the insane truths Jean reveals on a day to day basis. Also days where he’s feeling more in-tune with his emotions and stuff.

anyway, I’m sorry, this got really long. I guess the tl;dr would be: imo, In TSC Jeremy loves to sing and dance to literally any popular 90s/early 00’s song bc that’s just who he is but privately on bad days he likes 2000’s alt rock.

[girl-in-the-mirrorbluenight]

Okay I've been thinking about this pretty much all day since I saw the hbomberguy and then todd in the shadows video i just have so many thoughts. While I wouldn't necessarily call myself a Video Essayist™ (I've only made a few over the years) as a youtuber and someone who has made video essays i definitely have more experience than the average person. There are so many things that stand out to me about this whole debacle i dont even know where to start.

First I want to just give a little insight into the process for making video essays from people who've never given it a shot and just how absurd it is to do the type of plagiarizing James has done. Video essays take a fuckton of research, even for pretty simple topics, but on top that you also have to make them with the medium of video in mind. it's really not enough to just take an essay you would write for a class and read it out loud. the flow is different, you have to have accompanying visuals, often background music, etc. They're a beast to make. My Twisted video for which i used literally two sources for my research (Sondheim's books and the musical Twisted) still took days of thorough reading, note taking, watching the musical, watching the musical again, watching the musical and taking notes, cross-referencing my notes, etc. For videos that synthesize multiple sources or are covering multiple pieces of media, that time goes up exponentially. Then there's writing, recording, gathering clips (often one of the most difficult parts depending on how obscure what you're talking about is), and editing. Even for a silly video like my Glee video, I still had to do a ton of research to make sure I was getting things correct, and that was a funny tier list about freaking Glee! There is just no way you could come up with a thorough analysis by just copying and pasting. Which brings me to my next point.

I think James may have thought (or more likely rationalized) what he was doing as analysis based on like the vaguest definition. When you do any kind of analysis, what you're doing is taking research from multiple different places (news articles, primary sources, existing analysis, etc.) and coming to your own conclusions, whether that's a synthesis of those different sources, or applying it to a specific thing like a movie. Really simple example is my Twisted video where I take Sondheim's writing and apply it to a specific piece of media (in this case Twisted). I'm using existing work but coming to my own conclusion. In the Spies Are Forever video, I took existing research about the Lavender Scare and the Hays Code, including primary sources from the time period, and applied it to the musical Spies are Forever. What James seem to do is take a bunch of existing scholarship, copy and paste it all together and then come to a "conclusion" that was not actually his own original thoughts but either "facts" he completely made up or something that didn't do anything to actually link his other "sources" together. I can see why it has the veneer of analysis, but making up a random "fact" you think might be true is not the same as a drawing a conclusion based on research.

I also think Todd made a really good point in the part about England's propaganda campaign against Italy around 9:30 that it's just really bad video making to not include examples of images from this so called propaganda campaign. I have a ton of examples of news clips, government reports, etc. in my SaF video about the Lavender Scare because...it was a real historic thing that happened! If something was supposedly so widespread and not even that long ago, you can probably find evidence of it somewhere. Kaz Rowe (who is also linked in the queer creators playlist on hbomberguy's vid) talked about this a lot in their video about tiktok misinfo where people often make these outrageous claims but the thing is if something so outrageous happened (like people constantly shitting on the floors of versailles), other people at the time would probably be talking about it somewhere. It's a big red flag when someone makes such bold claims and has no evidence to back it up.

Putting this last section under the cut because I go talk about WWII, Nazis, and HIV/AIDS a bit (watch Todd's video for some more context) so if you don't want to see that post is over here.

Lastly I wanted to talk about something else Kaz brings up in a lot of their videos when talking about historical topics and that is the tendency to dehumanize people of the past, often as unwashed, unintelligent masses who would just do any ridiculous disgusting thing because they were so stupid and disgusting. There are a lot of things to criticize about the people of the past and their actions obviously, but we cannot forgot that they were in fact, people. Real individual people with their own lives and dreams and ambitions and individual opinions and they have never been and never will be a monolith. Claiming anything is broadly true of "the victorians" or "the ancient egyptians" or whatever other vague historical group you want to talk about is usually a lot more nuanced than "they all thought or acted in this one particular way". I'm certainly not a historian and i've only done one history focused video but James Somerton seemed to make a lot of broad historical claims in his videos that I think fall into this trap.

The one that stood out most to me in Todd's video was the claim about Nazi body standards which is a whole mess in general that Todd goes into for a while, but the way he talks about WWII soldiers was just like...weird. Besides the fact that a lot of his claims about Nazis seem to be bordering on glorifying them and their aesthetics (gross), I think we should remember that WWII was less than a century ago. There are still over 100,000 surviving WWII vets in the US. My grandfather who was in the Army during WWII (he didn't serve overseas but he was an enlisted soldier I can literally look up his enlistment records in the national archives online) was a real person who I obviously knew personally and who died fairly recently. To think he enlisted because he was jealous of German fitness or whatever and wanted to prove how tough Americans are is an absolutely hilarious thing to think if you knew him. I'm sure there are as many reasons for enlisting as there were enlisted soldiers. When James talks about even as relatively narrow of a group as "WWII American soldiers," he's still talking about a very large group of real and diverse people and to make such broad claims that "most" or even "a lot" of them were just so taken in by strong german physiques or whatever is frankly insulting. I haven't watched the entirety of James video so maybe he does address this at some point, but from the clips I've seen it seems very generalized and implies some level of racism when WWII soldiers in fact included a lot of racially diverse people. IDK, i think if you're a supposed historical researcher and you're making a video about WWII and you don't know about groups like the Tuskegee Airmen or the Navajo Code Talkers, that's on you. I don't want to discount some of the really horrible shit that American (and obviously other countries) soldier's did in the war and how many of them held disgusting views (even my grandpa who I love dearly was not the most politically correct person to put it lightly) but Jame's claims are not criticizing any real ideology or the consequences of them, they're oversimplifying complex and harmful historical ideas and attributing them to something he pretty much made up. I'll also give you a little hint about something. When people fall into Nazi ideology, it's because they ultimately agree with the ideology, not for some surface level aesthetic reason of "fitness" or whatever. They are antisemitic, they are racist, they are eugenicists, plain and simple. They don't just think the Nazis are cool except for all their beliefs. I also think (and again I could be missing a part of the video here) the hyper focus on the Germans and the Soviets and not mentioning Italy is at the very least an oversight too. Mussolini, like Hitler and Stalin, had a pretty big campaign of promoting an ideal strong race which he tied to ancient Romans. Like this was also a country controlled by a fascist dictator that American soldiers fought in idk it just seems weird to me to leave it out. (okay edit i looked up the transcript and he does talk about Italian fascism a little bit but only about how Mussolini rose to power, nothing about his ideologies or anything really related to the main topic of body image).

And one more thing on that note that bothered me a lot. I think his claims about HIV/AIDS is probably the most well-known here on tumblr and has been pretty thoroughly destroyed by this point, but I do just want to say one more thing about it which is that AIDS isn't gone! I feel like they way he talks about it from what I've seen of this video makes HIV/AIDS sound like a problem of the past now that we have drugs for it, but that is just not the truth. There are still tens of thousands of new infections in the US each year and way more globally and yes, people do still die from it. I just don't like when people talk about AIDS as if it's this problem of the distant past, a separate era that people went through in the 80s rather than an ongoing epidemic that still does not have a cure. Safer sex, clean needle usage, and getting tested are just as important now as they were in the 80s and 90s and don't forget that.