#like for real i saw this music video a long time ago

[dragons-and-art]

👑 for Jake as well if that's ok.

Do you have any idea how long i've been wanting to draw Jake on a throne made of tacky, spray painted trash? TOO LONG that is

[orangeocelotmartyn]

Martyn raids Ren after revealing he’d accidentally not replied to him and Ren is Dramatic about it.

I cut out a lot of dead air (read: all of the moments of Ren waiting for his sounds to end) to trim this down, and the transcription is under the cut:

Martyn: We should go um, raid, uhm...actually, my boy Ren-Diggity-Dawg's on. Let's go raid Ren. Ren-Diggity-Dawg. Actually I got a message the other day from Ren that I still need to reply to, I just, I saw it before I went live...today, and I was like, ''oop, don't know how that one slipped past me." Is it RenDogTV? It is, right, sweet! Uh, right, enjoy Ren's stream--

Ren: Welcome to all the Marteens, that have arrived in the chat. Martyn, bro. You and--listen. You and me need to have words, Martyn. (three seconds of silence) You know what, cut the music. Cut the music, this is-this is getting serious business now. Zoom in a little bit for dramatic effect. (five seconds of silence)

Ren: Martyn. Bro. (two seconds of silence) I-Why you do me dirty, bro? Eh? What's up? Why you do me dirty like this, bro? (deep inhale) Dear viewers, let me tell you a story. A few days ago. Approximately--you know what, give me one moment, Imma figure out exactly how many days ago. I'm gonna rub the salt in this wound. Mm-mm-mm.

Ren: We're gonna-we're gonna cook this one. Let's see, the twentieth. That's four days ago. Approximately four days ago, I sent a message to Mister Marteen. An important message. A message from the heart. What do I get in return, from Mister Marteen? Crickets. Crickets.

Ren: Give me one second, I need to find a cricket noise. I-I'm not as professional as Martyn, you see. Martyn's got instant access to sound effects because he's a professional. And uh, broadcasting genius. I am uh, you know. A little bit more amateur. Give me one second, guys, I gotta log into Epidemic Sound and everything. It's gonna take a while. Can't remember my password. (keyboard clicking, deep inhale, laughs) Okay, here we go. (keyboard clicking)

(soft cricket noises that sound almost like a fire alarm in the distance play for ten seconds, uninterrupted. In the actual video, this sound plays for twenty-one seconds)

Ren: This is quite a long sample guys, it's two minutes long. Sorry about that. (cricket noises for thirteen seconds. In the actual stream this clip was thirty-five seconds long, and he turned the sound of the crickets up to be louder)

Ren: It's only halfway, guys, you still-still got a while to go. (cricket noises for twelve seconds. In the actual stream this clip was twenty-three seconds long. He then pauses the crickets for four seconds, zooms in on his cubito)

Ren: Pause for dramatic effect. (he starts the crickets again for thirty-five seconds [the full time here and in-stream] before pausing it again)

Ren: That is all I have to say about this matter. Thanks for the raid, Martyn. W-welcome everybody. You joined us right at the start of a trial chamber run. (four seconds of silence, then a fond laugh) And as an update, t-to Marteen-gate. I have received a reply! Hold on, I gotta find another sound effect real quick, one second. One second guys, uh, (keyboard clicking, then the sound of scattered applause and indistinct voices for thirteen seconds)

Ren: I have received a reply from Marteen! (the clip is still going, just indistinct voices) This-this sample is not working for me. (a clip of a motorcycle revving begins to play instead) (flustered laughing) That's n-that sample is not working for me either. Wait, I've got a sample on the stream deck! (applause begins, including happy yelling) I received a reply! (the sample continues to play) (Ren singing) Joy to the world / Marteen has replied! / He has finally / Replied! (deeper voice) After four days. (laughter, normal voice) Thank you for the reply, Marteen. I am very excited. We shall, uh, continue our correspondence, digitally. Upon another platform (laughing under his breath)

Ren: --X-Fandom is here with a gifted sub to Marteen! Ya weren't even subbed?! (silence for four seconds, then decisive keyboard clicking. Then the sound of a cat yowling, which is swiftly replaced by a baby crying for seven seconds, uninterrupted. In the actual stream it is twenty seconds long.) It's quite a long sample, too. Sorry guys. (In the actual clip, the baby continues crying for ten seconds uninterrupted, before Ren laughs over the baby crying, and then pauses it, while this video has only one second pause between baby crying and Ren's laughter) Oh, goodness gracious, I'm having too much fun.

[the-lazyyy-artist]

Now that the live stream has concluded 45 minutes ago, and The Wisdom Saga is now live on Spotify, I spent some of my time to listen to the songs again (without headphones, I know I might've missed a few hints on the instruments and arrangements.)

So for now, here's my notes for this Saga (musically and story wise):

Legendary

The youthful touch of this song is just what this saga needs. MICO as Telemachus was a wonderful choice. His voice bounces within the song, and he sounds similar to Jorge's so it's like... He is his dad's son.

Story wise? It laid down a clear picture of what's happened 7 years later. His need to be stronger to protect his mother safe, especially that Ody's away.

It sounds like it's wishful thinking in a song.

Little Wolf

Oh my god, my anger in this song. I was scowling the whole time. Jorge is so good at painting a picture in the song. The taunting in the song, the way they challenge Telemachus.

I love how this songs sounds like a video game soundtrack, like Tekken (and the way the animatic looked like Tekken). Athena's entrance? Amazing. Telemachus being a geeky kid? AMAZING! He's such a kid, I love it!

I love Athena so much!!!

We'll Be Fine

Teagen's voice? Angelic! I thought her very best song was My Goodbye, but she really topped it with this one. I loved how she and Telemachus' sang Odysseus' melody in Warrior of The Mind. It's a wonderful touch that shows they're both longing for the same person.

The way MICO sounds so youthful??? He sounds so geeky and a teenager who's so excited about something. It's adorable!

Ody and Telemachus really see Athena as a friend. It's so touching.

Love In Paradise

This is the song I'VE BEEN SO EXCITED FOR (along with God Games). One thing I love: the flashbacks. Jorge really did a great job with the placement and tied every saga perfectly. I literally had chills when she finally saw what happened in Thunder Bringer.

Calypso. Calypso, my darling. Her voice is just so pure, so summery. She gave me summer vibes, seriously. It's kinda reminds me of TWICE's Alcohol Free, for real. Oh my god.

We've heard clips of this song before, and now that they recorded this song again, they sound so mature and clear. Oh god, I love this song so much!

Odysseus really be losing his mind. He was really losing it. Athena is the only one who can save her, and the way he screamed Athena's name. Oh my god, it broke me so hard!!

God Games

Luke Holt's voice... That's it. He sounds so big and scary. I love how his voice digs deep, the growls, it's even better than Thunder Bringer.

I was so excited about Apollo's voice. I did imagine him to sound a little cute, kinda like Yuuji in the English dub lol! So adorable! The little harp melody!! Uggh!!

HEPHAESTUS!!! okay, okay, the way he sang "Trust is not given not forged" was in the tune of Scylla and Mutiny ("I will not let you get into my way"), and it's UGGHH because that's the part where TRUST was tested. Oh my god JORGE!!!!

Aphrodite and Ares, my little sweethearts! Ngl, the animatic between Aphro and Athena was... Ughhhh!! I love Ares, I'VE ALWAYS LOVED ARES! Their voices fit them so well!! Athena fighting back to Ares for badmouthing Telemachus??? Holy shit.

Hera is so groovy!!!! So so groovy!!! I can imagine her throne room as a little dance floor!! And Zeus!!! Oh my god, Luke Holt!!! LUKE HOLT!!! PLEASE!!! STOP I'M OBSESSED!!!!

And Athena, oh my god. I wanna hug her. Her voice when she sang "let him go, please." Oh God, it's hurting me so bad. The animatic really didn't help because I was bawling!!!!

In conclusion, Jorge you smart and amazing person! You are creating a masterpiece!!!! This will be so big on stage, I can't wait till that happens!!!!

[bitchin-tubs]

did you see the dumpster fire that is the angel dust poison music video LOL

this was from a few days ago and omg already saw the 4 episodes and that last one was just something alright... I think I wouldn't be so disgusted if the abuse wasn't so graphically shown throughout the scene and simply knowing the rapeshipper storyboarded for the episode makes you wonder if it was done out of a real concern for awareness and not canon material for themselves.

I mean this got the message across pretty well.

It was gross seeing Angel being forced into the kiss and the flash at the end with Val behind him was more than enough. But then you have Angel being actually assaulted on screen and it's not only disturbing but also gave me tonal whiplash like this show really hasn't been mature enough to be handling it this way ("call me dickmaster"...), especially later with Husk who doesn't actually comfort or reassure him at all. I mean he drops the big secret and then they get to bond over a song and a fight like ?

Also something that irked me about Husk being apparently so bothered by Angel being fake which is a shame since he did have a point about Angel playing a facade but as always the pace leaves more to be desired. We never see Husk actually come to the conclusion that Angel is exaggerating his identity he just sniffed it out of the air somehow. It would've been cool to see previous scenes of Angel coming to the bar from work too exhausted to act and let Husk see him being real, even if he doesn’t remember himself from getting black out drunk but fuck building a narrative I guess

I actually liked Angel's breakdown that was an ugly and desperate side to him we hadn’t seen in a long time

But having Vaggie scold Husk into fetching him instead of him at least feeling bad he made him run off is so yuck like the ship is so stale it’s being prodded with tweezers. I PERSONALLY believe the episode could’ve been used to develop Angel and Charlie’s friendship instead of her turning into a child at the end (Charlie and her royal demon status being ignored by the plot making my teeth grind btw) but I forget Viv doesn’t like it when her characters exist without their partners

But honestly, I am kinda happy that since Hazbin is a lot more mainstream Viv is starting to receive actual criticism and unfiltered disgusted reactions from the general public instead of the usual yesman feedback

[jennifercheckapologist]

Bandit Like Me - 00

Synopsis: You meet Ellie at her album release and she offers you her jacket.

Pairing: Rockstar!Ellie x Musician!Reader (Side Abby x Reader)

Warnings: None, really; Ellie's a slut (and southern); Reader's a slut (and southern); Reader isn't explicitly femme or masc, but I'm femme and everything I do is for myself; Eventual Smut; Joel is Super Alive

A/N: I haven't written something with a real plot that wasn't about Jennifer's Body in 5ever ! Also a transphobic radfem reblogged my last fic... terrifying. I would rather not interact with TERFs ever <3

Word Count: 1,252

On TLOU2 and Palestine

Resources

You need air- or at least, that’s what you told Abby before you rushed out onto the back patio, away from all the warm bodies, glitter, and the sounds of the world ending. It’s overwhelming being surrounded by celebrities now after all the years of shitty apartments and college parties. Now, they’re supposed to be your peers… or something like that.

You probably weren’t supposed to be here, on the guest list for one of the biggest parties of the year at Ellie’s absurd mansion- all dressed up to celebrate her. You definitely weren’t supposed to be outside, on her back patio in the cold New York air, watching her strum her guitar to herself.

You know you’re intruding, but you just can’t turn around. Not when Ellie looks so… like that with her signature guitar in her lap and her hair messily piled up on her head. She’s under-dressed in her blue jeans and wife beater. The only sign that she isn’t in the same tax bracket as you is the bright red racer jacket covering her arms. You’d seen that jacket a million times in photos. On-stage, in paparazzi photos, in music videos.

You hadn’t expected her here, outside all alone. Not when all the people worth name-dropping were inside, celebrating the release of her newest album. It seemed she was already working on the next thing. You hadn’t expected to get to speak to her either. She’d been famous since you’d been in high school- you still had her old country songs from long before she was a rockstar saved to your phone.

She must know you’re here- you didn’t make much effort to hide your arrival- but she stays focused. Her eyes are trained on her hand at the neck of the guitar, and she’s got that wrinkle between her brows like she’s doing surgery. The longer you wait, the more awkward you feel.

“Now, what would your daddy say if he saw you right now?” You manage a bit of confidence as you take a few steps toward where she’s seated, legs crossed on the concrete. It feels like a safe enough topic; something you could talk about for a while.

She chuckles, already back to being the impossibly charming star she was back inside. She flirts the same way that she breathes- instinctually, “What if I told you that he taught me everything I know?”

The answer? You wouldn’t be surprised. You’d grown up listening to Joel’s music with your parents, and you could hear bits and pieces of him all over her music. There were touches of him in your own work too. You still idolized him- had nearly choked on your drink when you saw him inside.

“About guitar,” you murmur, already melting into her, “or women?”

“Both, but there was only so much he could tell me about guitar,” she jokes. She finally looks up from her guitar, green eyes intense as she watches you squirm in front of her, “Did he see me leave?”

You shrug in response, your arms wrapped around you as you realize how cold it is. You can feel the goosebumps along your arms, and you’re starting to really regret your outfit choice, “I couldn’t say. He looked pretty relaxed the last time I saw him.”

She starts strumming again, something familiar- you recognize it from one of her first albums. It felt like those albums were a lifetime ago, but you remember listening to her debut when you were still in high school. She was only a couple of years older than you, but it seemed she was speaking right to you. You’d recognize those first tracks any day. Her strumming stopped again when you shivered and breathed into the cold air.

“Take my jacket,” she placed her guitar aside gently and began to remove the expensive leather for you, “Joel’d be pissed if I let you freeze out here, sugar.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t,” you protest, finally sitting next to her but certainly keeping your distance. You weren’t here to get starstruck and fall hopelessly in love with your seventeen-year-old self’s crush. You were supposed to be getting fresh air. You’d already promised Abby that you wouldn’t get into trouble tonight.

“You could,” she shoved the jacket toward you, “And you should.”

You push her hand back toward her, “Ellie, I know better.”

The smirk on her face doesn’t let up as she drawls, “You’re really hurting my ego here.”

“One second I’m in your jacket, the next I’m in your bed. I know how you are.”

“I’ve heard similar stories about you,” Ellie placed her jacket in front of you and crossed her arms, celebrating her minor victory as you picked it up and used it to cover your legs, “You don’t have to hop in my bed for it, I promise. I’m still a gentleman. Just don’t tell your girlfriend.”

“I’m sure she won’t mind. She’s a big fan,” You wink. ‘Fan’ might be a strong word here, but so was ‘girlfriend.’ What you and Abby had was something in between that. You looked good together, and you had fun. You tried not to think too much about Ellie knowing anything about your love life.

She reached for her guitar again with a laugh, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

You watched as she stood to leave, seemingly pleased with that being the end of your interaction. You stood awkwardly and called her name, folding her jacket over your arm. She only turned back around to you when she reached the door back into her house, “Your jacket?”

And god, you want to push her for how cocky she looks as she turns on her heel to grin at you, “Don’t worry, I’ll take it back once I’ve seen you in it.”

The moment she’s inside, the whole interaction feels fake. The only evidence you have of the moment is the red leather covering your arm, and you feel like a ridiculous teenager as you bring it to your nose to take in her scent. It smells earthy and expensive and now you’re certain you were smart not to put it on. If you had kept bantering with her, surrounded by her scent like this, you would be in trouble.

You stay outside, thinking about the feeling of being with Ellie for a little longer before heading back in to find Abby. She lights up when she sees you, her large arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you in like you really do belong to her. She’s warm against you, and when she gives you your personal space back, she has confusion contorting her face as she stares at the leather folded over your arm, “That’s new.”

“Yeah,” you attempt to shrug off the edge in her voice, “I ran into Ellie Williams outside and it was cold so she-”

“She left her own party to sit outside and wait for a pretty girl to need a jacket?” She murmurs into your ear, pulling you back into her. You can already tell she’s preparing to make this a thing.

You frown up at her, “She was working on a song or something. I interrupted her and she was really nice about it.”

“I’m sure she was.”

“Oh, stop it,” you hook your free arm around her neck, “She knew I came with you.”

That makes the corners of her mouth perk up. She presses a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth before responding, “Good.”

Housekeeping: Dividers again by @saradika ; pinterest board that got me here ; As always, I'm a black femme lesbian and that's my truth

[veritas-scribblings]

nightclub - @jartylusmicrofics - words: 933 [mature: sexual language]

[in-universe: electric and video; takes place before electric]

‘Bartemius fucking Crouch.’

The club is crowded, dark and thrumming. James can feel the vibrations under his skin, in his teeth. The doofdoofdoof of the music like a pulse keeping the place alive. It’s nearing midnight and Sirius has run off somewhere because he never misses a chance to hook up, leaving James alone and leaned up against a pillar. James nurses a drink, watches the throng of bodies dancing and people occasionally trying to make eye contact with him.

He isn’t bitter about it really; he wishes Sirius well in his endeavours. Sirius is reeling from yet another break-up and a casual no-names-no-numbers hook up is exactly what the guy needs. James, however, is done with the casual hook ups. The ‘no-names and no-numbers’. He was never made for it in the first place. No, James wants something real, something long-lasting. Maybe even something eternal. Eventually.

‘Don’t call me that, cunt.’ Barty grins at James.

He has poked metal through his body since James last saw him, some four years ago now. There’s a silver bar through his ear, a bar through his eyebrow, tattoos up both arms. Barty had always been a twig when they were growing up together as children, and after gaining some height as an adolescent he had rapidly achieved the status of ‘bean pole’. But now, there are ropes of lean muscle up his arms and he’s broadened in the shoulders just a little bit. It’s a good look on him, James thinks, though it makes him appear somewhat more intimidating.

‘Where’s your guard dog?’ Barty asks. He takes James’s drink and downs it in one gulp, and then coughs and glares into the cup as though it has insulted him. ‘The fuck is this?’

‘Jaegerbomb. Sirius’s idea.’ James snorts. ‘He’s gone off with someone.’

‘And left you here all alone while he’s busy getting his dick wet? How inconsiderate.’ Barty dumps the glass on the floor beside them and then leans up against the pillar that James is occupying, looming over James. ‘So you’re just stuck here being a loner then, because the boy you abandoned me for has abandoned you for a warm mouth. Sounds like karma to me, bitch.’

James rolls his eyes. ‘Sounds to me like you’re going to buy me another drink, bitch.’

‘If I do, will you put out?’ Barty snickers; the question comes out more suggestive and less joking, taking James entirely off-guard. ‘For the record, I never abandon my friends for a quick shag.’ He leans over and says by James’s ear, low and husky, ‘I invite them to join. So, come on.’

Barty grabs his wrist and pulls him towards the dance floor, through groups and couples who are practically gyrating.

‘What? Wait—’ James tries to pry himself loose, but Barty is stronger than he looks.

Barty stops and turns around, leaning so close to James that James can feel his breath. ‘Stop being so lame, Jamie, we’ll show you a good time,’ he says.

Barty hasn’t called him that, Jamie, since they were ten and had friendship foisted upon them on the basis of mere proximity to one another. Back then it had been, ‘Don’t be lame, Jamie,’ when Barty had wanted to do something that was clearly not a good idea, either because James was sure that Barty’s father would flip his shit or that whatever Barty wanted to do would ultimately lead to death or the loss of limbs.

Now, the ‘Don’t be lame, Jamie,’ sounds loaded, like the promise of an absolutely great time so very different to the absolutely great times when they were children.

Standing on the edge of the congregation of sweaty, dancing bodies, James can suddenly see what Barty’s talking about. Regulus Black is dancing alone, though James can tell that the people on the periphery of him are trying to get his attention. He’s wearing a white shirt, the top few buttons open, and a black and deep-green waist coat, looking out of place in the ‘drawing looks, standing out from the crowd’ sense of the word.

‘Well?’ Barty stands behind James, a hand on his shoulder, speaking by his ear. ’For the record, I give damned good blow jobs. I can suck your brain out through your dick. Just ask Regulus.’

James can’t stop the shiver that runs through him, or the thoughts and images that race through his brain, or how all sensation in his body starts to drain down to his groin. He can’t even stop his mouth from running and the, ‘You sucked Regulus’s brain out through his dick?’ that slips out uninvited.

Barty laughs and takes James by the shoulders, steering him and shoving him directly into Regulus, who stumbles a little bit. They’re nearing the speakers, so Barty has to almost shout to be heard.

‘Yeah, I did. Didn’t I, Reg?’

Regulus doesn’t reply. He’s a little bit sweaty, a little bit messy, his black curls tousled, his eyes dazed from drinking. It’s a good look on him, James thinks. Regulus doesn’t smile, though he does tip his head to the side inquisitively, like there’s something puzzling about James that he’s trying to figure out.

James can feel Barty pressed up against him, Barty’s hands on James’s waist, the outline of his hard body.

‘I have a theory,’ Barty says behind him, ‘though Reg won’t believe me. That it’s the boring, dull, vanilla “trapped on the conveyor belt of white picket fences and 2.5 children” capitalist slaves who are the freakiest in bed. You strike me as entirely vanilla, Jamie. Are you a freak between the sheets?’

[thefirstknife]

Some conjecture on the topic of Ergo Sum: I think people are taking the whole "this is the sword that was on our grave in the Corridors of Time" thing the wrong way. Yeah, it's the sword buried on our grave, but I don't think people realize how *big* of a moment it is that we're getting *that* sword? This sword was a direct gift from the Traveler to aid us in our upcoming battle with the Witness. This sword is going to become so iconic and important and synonymous with us that it's going to be featured prominently on our grave when we die.

Ergo Sum also shares the same Ghost pommel (little bit at the end of the handle) that the new relic we get in the "final" boss fight has as well. Both were also given to us directly by the Traveler in the same place. They're very clearly linked to one another. It's also worth noting that the last shot of the final cutscene at the end of the campaign has a Guardian wielding it prominently, with what seems to be Light radiating off of it.

I think this is going to be the sword that kills the Witness.

(Or at least directly connected to it.)

Agreed! When we saw it originally obviously we didn't know anything about it. It just looked like a cool sword. I also remember people being disappointed that this sword wasn't the actual exotic we got from the Corridors of Time puzzle.

But now, this has so much more meaning. This is the sword made by the Traveler to cut down the Witness and destroy it. Like, it's not just some weapon, it was forged by the Traveler itself for the specific purpose of unmaking the Witness. That's absolutely incredible. Us wielding it in the final fight is HUGE.

The problem with Corridors of Time grave is that we simply don't know if that's something set in stone or not. There are other timelines and our grave could be from there, although the sword being real and so important to us makes this more likely to be our timeline. It's possible that whatever happens in the raid and in the post-raid mission, we will die in our final confrontation with the Witness, wielding that sword, and our grave will be made, fulfiling the Corridors vision, but we will somehow be brought back. I would not put it past the Traveler to personally intervene and react to bring us back because of how much we've done for it and the universe as a whole.

Super speculative of course, but the existence of that sword and it being directly connected to the Traveler is way too big of a deal IMO, for the Corridors of Time grave to just be a random curiosity. Like, they did not have to make the sword look like that. A lot of players have never seen it at this point. I'd even say most players; it was only available for a total of 2 weeks well over 4 years ago.

Speaking of, here's the grave scene with the eulogy. It also shows the sword at the end. Note the music in the background: it is the same music that plays when we take the sword at the end of the Destined Heroes exotic quest (I timestamped to one of the videos of the quest I could find where you can hear it). Again, this is something few people would notice because of how long it's been and the fact that it only existed for 2 weeks: you'd know only if you played at the time and remembered the music and recognised it, which I did the moment it started playing because I am normal about the Corridors of Time.

It's important to say also that in the eulogy, Saint says that the weapon used to be his and that it was shattered in the final confrontation. The Ghost shell is also not directly connected to the pommel; I remember originally we just thought it was a normal sword and the Ghost shell was just our Ghost laid to rest with us. Ergo Sum connects these two. Some alterations are normal I think, given the amount of time it's been between these things, but I do believe this is meant to be this same sword as a throwback to our grave, especially since they literally used the same music when we retrieve it. Really wild to think about.

In all likelihood, the only person who has seen our grave is us (Quria notwithstanding), unless we told someone about it. I'd like if this was somehow discussed but since nobody else has seen it, I don't know how we would do it even if we did speak more than one line. Do we even remember? Does it even matter? I feel like it should, beyond just being a cool throwback. Eagerly waiting to see more.

[silenzahra]

They keep saving my life ✨

Dear friends, I've been missing today because I've been trying to recover from last night's experience! I went to watch my favorite band live again and I'm not exaggerating when I say they saved my life once more 🥹 It's just what I needed to feel entirely good again! My beloved Estopa never fail to make me feel better, them and the Mario Brothers are literally keeping me ALIVE these last years and I'm seriously so blessed 😭

I'm not gonna repeat everything I said here as the repertory was essentially the same, but I do want to add a video and some pics, and also a VERY silly conversation they had (as well as something related to my writing). So keep reading if you're curious, and it's totally fine if you're not! 🥰

Still, I believe perhaps @bberetd @vulpixfairy1985 @stripetkattelalala54-gf @itsavee4117 would like this! Of course, if you're not interested, just let me know and I'll remove your tag! 💖

THE FOREHEAD TOUCH AT THE END. THE WAY THE CROWD STARTS SCREAMING WHEN THEY DO IT. People do LOVE seeing them doing it, me included of course, and I can only melt and CRY 😭 (Yes, you can hear me singing and screaming, I recorded this video myself, so surprise! Voice reveal 😂)

And the line they were singing face to face right before bringing their foreheads together...

"And I'm still here by your side until the wind blows me away."

... I'm not crying, I just got some brotherly love in my eye 🥲🥲🥲

Also, a few minutes ago I just ran into this pic, a close-up of THE moment, and I DIED again 👇

THEIR FACES. THEIR FOREHEADS. I CAN'T. These brothers are gonna be the DEATH of me I swear 😭😭😭

The fact that they're REAL. I just can't get over it. Mario and Luigi have a WONDERFUL bond and you all know I love them wholeheartedly, but the fact that Estopa are the real, actual personification of brotherly love? In our world?? Them having so much fun together and always showing how much they LOVE each other in every single concert???

Excuse me if I CRY but they're too PRECIOUS.

I just can't have enough of them. As you all know, they inspired me to write my musicians post, and also two of my WIPs that revolve around different things (the brothers on stage and Luaisy smut). They inspire me. They've been doing so ever since I became a fan of them, which, btw, happened exactly 18 years ago today! Man, I'm old 🥲

And the thing is... If you've been following me lately, you know I've been going through some hard times and I've been feeling down for a long time. So much so that I was unable to read... nor write. I'm still in the process of getting over my reader's block...

... but my writer's one might be coming to an end at last.

It's too soon to speak yet, but Estopa's music does inspire me, as well as their brotherly dynamic and their chemistry on stage. And yesterday, a few things happened that only gave me more and more ideas for that future story I wanna write with Mario and Luigi being musicians and performing together.

First of all, a very silly conversation:

"I am your brother." "Yes, me too." "... No." "Yes, I am your brother." "I am your brother, but you're my brother. I'm not my brother." "Of course, because I am your brother. You're my brother." "No, I'm not my brother, I'm your brother!"

I swear, me and my friend were just cracking up at the stupidest conversation EVER 😂 You can't tell me this isn't Mario and Luigi 🤭😂

Unfortunately... there were a couple of times where David almost fell off the stage 😅 The first time, I didn't even notice because I was further back, but I was a bit confused that he was standing still at one end of the stage when he's usually running and dancing here and there while singing.

And then... I saw this. Unfortunately it's an Instagram story which means it'll be gone at some point, but even though I've tried, Tumblr just wouldn't let me add a second video to this post 🤦‍♀️ So I just hope you can get to see it before it's gone, but it's basically poor David tripping and being about to fall off the stage 🥲

Poor man, I swear I feel SO BAD for him 😭😭😭 All I wanna do is run and help him through the screen! Thank God he handled it and didn't hurt himself but I swear I SCREAMED when I saw this 🥺

On a brighter note though... the second time was hilarious and he didn't hurt himself 🤭 To give you some context, it turns out there was a famous artist among the crowd watching the concert. His name is Dani Martín and he's friends with Estopa. They actually sang one of Estopa's songs together a while back, and when they started playing it last night, David suddenly noticed his friend...

... And he jumped off the stage to go sing with him! 😂😂😂

The moment his butt literally kisses the ground, I'm so DEAD I swear 😂😂😂 You just CAN'T convince me Mario wouldn't do something like this if he spotted, I don't know, Geno, maybe? 🤭

They're so friendly I swear! This was such a big surprise, and my friend was elated because she's also a big fan of Dani Martín! So it was really so great they did something like this 🥹 David jumping to bring him on stage and Jose ceding him his mic, they're just so nice and pure ���

Anyways, as I said, the rest was very similar to the concert in Sevilla I attended back in June (only that this time I was WAY closer and I couldn't believe it 🤩), so I'll just add that I've been sharing some videos of the concert on my Instagram stories, and I'll probably share a few more tomorrow as I recorded a lot 🤭

Also, my friend sent me the videos she recorded and her phone has such a higher quality than mine! So yeah, those are coming to my insta stories tomorrow too 😂 Just in case you'd like to see said videos, here's my Instagram account! I'm saving them all on the higlighted stories called "Estopa Chiclana" btw, so they're gonna remain there no matter what 🥰

And to say goodbye, here's an AMAZING pic my friend took at the beginning of the concert and that has become my new lockscreen! 😁🔥

It captures their essence SO WELL and it gives me so many ideas for Mario and Luigi! 🥹❤️💚

[shadyvoxtruth]

How ShadyVox Threatened Myself & Others For Years

My name is Martin Billany but I am also known as LittleKuriboh in the YouTube sphere/Yu-Gi-Oh fandom.

I am posting this here for posterity in case all of my other posts elsewhere about it are removed. Also because there has never been a single unified place to find all of this information presented in sequence.

Patrick, also known by his pseudonyms of ShadyVox or Scratch21's Matt Robinson or Blake Swift, spent the better part of 2019-2023 both threatening me and manipulating a group of real victims.

A brief history - for those who don't know, Patrick/ShadyVox and myself were heavily involved in the "abridged series" world in the late 2000s/mid 2010s. I myself started the whole abridged parody nonsense with Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, and Patrick would follow suit by doing a Yu-Gi-Oh GX Abridged. We met through content creation and formed a friendship through it. Not best friends or anything, but friendly enough.

Patrick would later leave the abridged series stuff behind and start over making music, working in original animation for popular internet channels, etc. Stuff he was genuinely very good at. It was a strong choice to move away from parody content, as it likely would have held him back at some point.

At a certain point in 2018, I received a communication from him that requested I remove certain YouTube comments on my videos that featured him. These comments were demanding to know why Patrick was following various right wing channels and were calling him alt-right, etc.

I agreed to remove the comments because I considered him a friend and automatically assumed there was some big misunderstanding. As it turned out, he was subscribed to a few channels that caused me to confront him.

I was emotional and upset, admittedly. Things politically were at a fever pitch and I had been swept up by it. I have included screencaps of our conversation.

Later I would apologize to him for my outburst and try to make amends. You're probably wondering why I would include this since it doesn't seem to involve Patrick threatening me, and it seems if anything to suggest I got upset at him.

That is because I truly believe this is the moment Patrick decided he was going to find some way to come after me. I believe that Patrick had spent a lot of time creating a mask for himself, and had worn it very well, and the moment someone saw through it for even a moment he decided I had to be dealt with somehow.

At this point - mid 2018 - Patrick and I were not close. We hadn't worked on anything together in half a decade. We really only kept in touch in a cursory fashion. So I imagine this interaction stuck in Patrick's craw something awful.

I was, however, closer with the person Patrick had worked in conjunction with on his abridged series, X. These days X is my best friend. Back then, I don't know how close we were. But definitely closer than either of us were with Patrick.

One day in 2019, entirely out of the blue, Patrick messages me privately to inform me that X once slept with a girl who was 17 when he was in his early 20s.

My own spouse was sexually assaulted before I met them, and as a result I have a no tolerance policy on anything that even could resemble assault. So I immediately ended my friendship with X.

And as I was doing so, Patrick told me repeatedly that I was overreacting.

As you can see, by Patrick/Shady's own words, this was a long time ago. Just under a decade or so, by my count.

And most importantly, Patrick had been aware of this for the whole decade or so and chose this very moment to tell me that this happened.

I want you to keep that in mind, especially the fact that when I said I was ending my friendship with X, Patrick's actual response was "it was a long time ago, he's gotten better."

It was painful to end my friendship with X, but I did. I told him that if he could provide satisfactory proof that what Patrick had said didn't represent the facts of the situation, I could be his friend again. Until then, I cut off all communication from X.

A week or so later I received specific evidence that pointed to a situation wherein Patrick was intentionally misrepresenting what happened, or the alleged victim's story. The alleged victim VERY specifically disagreed with Patrick.

You'll note that I'm not including screen caps of these conversations - that is because the alleged victim, and other involved parties, DO NOT WANT to be part of any of this and have needed actual therapy because of Patrick's behavior in the past. Not just here.

Anyway.

I returned to Patrick/Shady and told him there had been a misunderstanding. I wanted to clear the air and give him a chance to say something along the lines of "oh okay, obviously I had my facts wrong." I mean, as you yourself have just read - he said himself that this was a long time ago. Maybe he got some wires crossed.

This is how Patrick actually responded:

The screenshots were taken on different dates, hence why his twitter icon looks different suddenly.

But yes. His response to me explaining that the alleged victim disagreed with his stance, was to insist that the alleged victim must be lying and that I should be absolutely infuriated.

After he'd tried to tell me that there was no point in being upset about this information that he had sat on for the better part of a decade.

Patrick continued to scream at me via dm, repeatedly requesting that I give him my phone number so we could talk about this. I assume this is because he didn't want any kind of text evidence of what he was going to say to me, or what he was doing.

He would later, mid-conversation, tell me that he was deleting all of his dms to me. Not sure why. It doesn't remove them from my side of the conversation, so I still have access to all of them. I have not shared the entire private message thread yet, because it's sensitive and involves people beyond just myself. But if the dms ever do need to be made public entirely, I have them.

I ended up blocking Patrick during this very conversation because he had begun screaming at me, behaving extremely unhinged and in a frightening manner. I honestly think he had hoped that I would initially try to defend my friend from his accusation, in which case he was going to fly off the handle then. But because I had genuinely believed him and removed my friend from my life, only to then learn Patrick's story didn't hold water, he had no choice but to lash out now. When it didn't make any sense to suddenly be irate about a thing he had told me about, and had literally just said "it was a long time ago."

Within 24 hours, Patrick had sent me a threatening email saying he was going to expose me for everything I was doing. I have attached the highlights of the email, parts that don't involve other people's names.

Some of the references in this email - specifically about how I've associated with others and ignored people calling me out for it - are related to a podcast I was on, alongside Patrick. Until recently I had indeed tried to move on with my life after a number of the people involved had revealed themselves to be toxic. I had made efforts to separate myself from those people. It had been years since I'd really had any direct connection to any of them.

I do indeed regret not speaking out about it sooner.

Having said this, Patrick himself was equally as guilty for not speaking out - and had in fact spent a significantly larger amount of time talking to/working with the people in question.

As such, I believe a lot of this is some form of bizarre projection on his part.

I ignored the email because I was a) worried that he had suddenly snapped, and b) I didn't think any of the content warranted a response.

A day later, I received this email from Patrick where his tone has changed entirely:

As you can see, this is more in line with the reality of the situation. He is apologizing profusely and insisting I didn't actually do anything wrong, and that he was the one in the wrong.

You'll also note that he signs this particular email "Patrick." That is because it is his real name, and I believe he was possibly appealing to my humanity and the part of me that might still have seen a friendship worth salvaging. Otherwise I could not tell you why he signed his real name - he typically hates using it.

I still did not reply because at this point I was confused and scared and wanted him to leave me alone. And to that point, he had specifically stated at the end of his email that he was the problem and he would not "involve himself in my life any longer."

The police were contacted and they told him to stop. I had hoped that my part in all of this was over.

Later that very month, Patrick announced on his ShadyVox twitter account that a new GX Abridged was coming out for April Fools.

When it is posted on April 1st - less than a month after he had sent his email saying he would remove himself from my life, and not long after the police have visited him - the video contains many references to our conversations, and specifically the fact that the police got involved.

Yes, after being told by the police to stop - and after writing an email that insisted he knew he was the real problem and would be getting help - he decides to make a mockery of the situation publicly, in a manner that nobody else will understand. Except the people it is targeting.

The tweets about this video are the only thing remaining on Patrick's twitter account, as he had purged it some time ago.

(An aside - I do recall someone attempting to call Patrick out for being toxic previously on twitter, and his response was to spam them with the words "PROVE IT. PROVE IT. PROVE IT." until they gave up. I would include screenshots of this, but like I said - he purged his entire twitter except for this specific GX Abridged video he'd thrown together in a week to respond to the fact that the authorities had intervened to get him to stop)

One other important element of this video - which is where, I believe, this whole thing veers into genuinely disturbing territory - is that it is interspersed with garbled footage intended to look like some sort of creepypasta/vhs effect. At the end of the GX Abridged video, it is clear that Patrick is using this video to allude to some upcoming song tracks he is producing.

Songs that are tailored to threaten me in cryptic, indirect ways that very few people pick up on.

But I'll get to those later.

During 2019, Patrick reaches out to actual victims of the toxic individuals from the podcast I used to be on more than half a decade before any of the stuff chronologized in this post. He tells them lies, and demonizes me to the point that it convinces them that I am still both defending/supporting the toxic individuals, and actively mocking their victims in private.

I am aware of this because Patrick tweets about it - before deleting the tweets entirely. He even attempts to throw popular abridging group TeamFourStar under the bus, which I assume was merely out of spite because they had absolutely nothing to do with any of this.

I wish I had screengrabbed the tweets when they were still up, but there is still remaining evidence that they did exist.

Here is someone posting on Reddit about it - he only references one tweet, but this was around the time Patrick was posting and then immediately deleting what he'd said. I honestly can only assume - but I think he was fishing for people to latch on to what he was saying and contact him privately.

Not to mention the fact that the police had specifically told him to stop, so that was likely in the back of his mind also.

Here is someone replying to a since suspended twitter account that was discussing what Patrick was saying about TeamFourStar. Obviously I have no clear way to prove it, but please know that I have no reason to make that much up and point to a random ass tweet.

I imagine Patrick (not the suspended person in the above screencap) realized the best way to not seem directly to blame or involved at all was to remove any and all posts he'd made. Admittedly it would have worked if I didn't have the dms and these emails.

Speaking of emails, I received a third one in late 2019 - as you can see, Patrick's promise of leaving me alone forever didn't even last a year.

You'll note that he's speaking as though the second email never even happened. He's also just plain lying through his teeth for a significant part of it, but I think it's most important to note that this email requires you to assume the second email never got written.

He has gone from pages and pages of "of course it wasn't your fault, I'm the problem, you're good, I'm bad" to "I told you..."

Also, I think the words "You tried to damage me" should be highlighted here as it reinforces my theory that all of this was about me insulting him for all the right wing channels he'd subscribed to. Which, to me, was barely even a thought in my mind at this point.

So I choose to ignore this email also. Because y'know, why would I even humor responding to the guy at this point? I decide that I will only speak on any of this if it becomes public conversation. Until then, anything that happens would be because of Patrick's actions.

I do let my friends know about all of this - including TeamFourStar, who through this entire thing have been blameless and didn't even do anything to Patrick to begin with. And every time Patrick does something, I make sure people in my circle are aware and to be cautious.

Meanwhile Patrick alludes to all of this indirectly in the songs he posts to his YouTube channel. Yes, a situation that involves actual victims and one alleged victim that Patrick hadn't spoken to in years. He chose to make reference to all of this in videos where he raps, amongst other things.

There are a number of songs that feature references to this, it's mainly these two that I want to focus on

Birdy Boy is a song that is explicitly referencing Patrick's issues with me, without actually going into any details about what the issue is.

It is so clearly about me that people pick up on it - and rather than confront the issue or have a dialogue, Patrick decides to pin the comment about it to the top of the comments page.

Of course, if Patrick made any attempt to directly describe the issue or explain himself, it would likely result in the police becoming involved once again.

So he sticks to singing about the whole thing.

This next song is the most upsetting one.

Patrick/Shady writes a song called "Joker" about a psychotic individual murdering someone who "used to be funny." This is, specifically, the song that he teases at the end of the GX Abridged Episode 21 video he posted earlier in 2019 for april fools.

He has teased it multiple times on his twitter, and elsewhere, with the words "Coming Soon." The very same words he used to title his third threatening email.

Here is the email, placed next to some lyrics from the song Joker.

He is seemingly very specifically trying to threaten me without anyone noticing, in plain sight. I was unable to watch the video in full until after all of this stuff came out into the public. It was only through reading people's responses and the lyrics that I realized what he was doing.

Again, at this point I am doing and saying nothing publicly. Just watching this behavior and waiting.

Meanwhile in 2021, a videogame based on the web series TOME gets fully funded and Christopher Niosi - the creator of TOME - reaches out to the voice cast to see if they'll return. I myself was the voice of Nylocke, one of the main characters, and Patrick was the voice of THE main character.

As such, I told Christopher no and explained my reasons.

And here is Christopher's response.

Please pay careful attention to the fact that Christopher Niosi flat out says he already knew Patrick was doing this stuff - it isn't just me imagining it.

As a result of this interaction, I do not reprise my role as Nylocke and Christopher Niosi chooses to just recast every single character. Please note that he could have just recast Patrick, but did not. As a result, I feel responsible for all of the original cast losing out on work. It hurts to think about. But at least I feel like I did the right thing.

One member of the TOME production staff takes it upon themselves to reach out to Patrick personally. They discover that he is planning to write more songs/raps that target me. They ask him nicely to stop. He insists that he has to do this. Y'know, make vague allusions to extremely sensitive topics that he lied about in the form of song. Has to do it.

The member of production staff tells Patrick he should seek professional help.

Patrick ignores them.

Patrick continues to engage in behavior that, while not openly hostile or even specifically targeting anyone, is very clearly intended as mockery at best and a threat at worst until 2023 when all of this comes to a head.

In August of 2023, the real victims that Patrick has manipulated make a callout post aimed at myself and TeamFourStar. It specifically cites Patrick's testimony and the songs he has posted. They have been misled, but their anger is understandable.

Within a week, it becomes apparent to all sides that this is Patrick's fault. The person who posted the callout takes it down and apologizes to everyone. Not just me. They apologize to TeamFourStar, and to X.

And only then do I speak publicly about what Patrick has been doing.

I share all of the screencaps I've posted here, and give context. It's all a little muddled as at the time, my cat was dying of terminal cancer and so all of my posts are somewhat scatterbrained and aren't in chronological order. But it's still remarkably clear to everyone that Patrick has manipulated this whole thing, starting in 2019.

And that's only the stuff I feel comfortable sharing.

Since the callout post first dropped in 2023 and I began pointing people's attention toward Patrick, Patrick himself has been entirely silent. He has dropped off the internet with nary a word in defense. Not a single person directly associated with what happened has attempted to dispute my description of events.

This isn't my word versus his. It is my word versus silence.

I have it on good authority that Patrick is alive and well. I am grateful for that much. My attempts have not been to hurt him, but to defend myself. My efforts have not been to hunt him down and crucify him, but to make people aware of what transpired - and what could have easily been undone by Patrick/Shady just choosing to stop.

Instead a number of victims, and people who never did a thing, experienced a considerable amount of trauma as a result of his thoughtless and spiteful actions.

Patrick is a remarkably talented individual, and it makes me sad I have to be the one to show people who he is. I genuinely think all of this could have been avoided. It's so meaningless. It's just pain on top of pain.

And Patrick stood in the center of it all, not just pulling people's strings but practically uprooting them and then acting like he didn't do a thing.

I'm not expecting an apology, and I'm not asking for his cancelation, whatever shape that would take. But I do think it's important that people know this happened, that he chose this.

He did this for almost no reason to a person he considered a friend, who worked on videos with him.

It just seems like the responsible thing, to make sure people are somewhat aware that he could do this to them if they aren't cautious and careful and super aware.

I'm sorry to anyone disappointed and hurt by all of this information.

Believe me, I understand.

[inadvisablebutinevitable]

what time period accurate songs do you think jeremy would be listening to in tsc? 👀

Miss California by Dante Thomas

Anon I love you so much because you have no idea how much I ask this to myself on a regular basis. A couple weeks ago I was walking to work whilst brainstorming Jeremy Knox music headcanons and almost died to the tune of Believe by Cher while crossing the street. (Embarrassing, but also, what a way to go)

after changing my mind about 700 times, I decided that Jeremy, at least on a surface level, will dance/sing to literally any popular song with a good beat, (whether or not he actually sings the right lyrics is always 50/50) but he does love to sing. This comes from a tumblr post I saw like years ago saying that Jean takes a video of Jeremy singing Kylie Minogue’s “Your Disco Needs You” at 3am, and now that’s just canon Jeremy to me.

Jeremy was a kid in the 90s so TONS of 90s nostalgia stuff, all upbeat. Song 2, All star, What is love, Baby one more time, Tubthumping, all the catchy earworms he would hear on the radio and belt out as a kid. (It’s @kevinsdsy’s fault song 2 was the first on this list. The Jeremy Knox blur brainrot is real)

Jeremy, having heard these songs as a kid, knows all the lyrics just by memory. Even he doesn’t know about this until Cat plays Ricky Martin on her boombox and all of a sudden Jer is on the table with a solo cup microphone.

(“isn’t he only attracted to men?”Jean whispers to Cat as they watch Jeremy belt out ‘She Bangs’ in the most enthusiastic way possible.

“Honestly, l didn’t even think about that. I’m just pissed that they’re only playing the English version”, Cat whispers back)

Jeremy is also notorious for dancing to other team’s entrance songs when they walk on the court. The Breckenridge Jackals, for example, walk on court to Who Let the Dogs out, and Jer unironically uses that as pump up music. He aggressively nods his head to the beat of Let’s Get it Started when Penn State walks out. This leads to many (many) YouTube compilations titled something along the lines of “10 mins straight of Jeremy Knox shaking ass to his opponent’s anthems”

BUT also, privately, on his little 2006 iPod Mini (lol remember those), Jeremy listens to more alt rock (modern-day dad rock), like Muse, The Killers, Queens of The Stone Age etc… (this is based on a lighter version of the style of music Nora assigned to Andreil in the EC, and also my personal taste from that time period). I think it’s what he listens to on bad days, either bc he needs to drown out his depressing thoughts after seeing his family, or bc he isn’t quite mentally ready to fully process the insane truths Jean reveals on a day to day basis. Also days where he’s feeling more in-tune with his emotions and stuff.

anyway, I’m sorry, this got really long. I guess the tl;dr would be: imo, In TSC Jeremy loves to sing and dance to literally any popular 90s/early 00’s song bc that’s just who he is but privately on bad days he likes 2000’s alt rock.

[6rookie-writer0110]

I still don't understand about love

Olivia Rodrigo x Male Reader.

Request - The reader has Asperger syndrome and when he has an attack Olivia's voice calms him down, so when Olivia goes to give a concert in his city the reader wants to attend even though the crowds make him nervous, the concert goes smoothly, the reader is very happy and goes to where the meet and greet is going to be, the reader is already nervous there but when Olivia approaches the reader they get along very well and connect, Olivia realizes that the reader is different and wants to know him more, so Olivia tells the reader that if he can wait for her, once they are alone they talk and begin to know each other.

•

I don't have Asperger's syndrome or know anyone personally who has it. I did my research to understand it better. But I hope it came out right in the story.

Earlier in the day, you had an attack and to calm down you put on your headphones. You are on your phone and you go on YouTube, you type in Olivia Rodrigo and you start to watch her music video. Her voice starts to calm you down and you like everything about her. After watching that video, then you watch another video of her. Your mother knocks on the door and walks in, then you take off your headphones.

“Y/n, I got this for you. It's a late birthday gift” She said.

She gives you the envelope and you start to open it. You take out the tickets and you start to read it over and over.

“Is this a mistake?” You asked.

She smiled and she shook her head.

“No, it's not a mistake. I know how much you like her music and it calms you down. I bought the tickets and VIP passes months ago, but the post office took a long time to deliver them.

“I don't know what to say,” You said.

“The show is tomorrow. I know loud noises bother you, but I know you will have a good time” She said.

“Thank you,” You said.

She smiled then she left your bedroom, she went to cook dinner. You stare at the tickets for a while then you start to think about what to wear. Now, you start to think if she should sign your CD or poster or both.

——-

The night of the concert your mom went with you. You slightly feel a panic attack but it starts to go away. With the VIP passes, you have to go in early to meet her. There is a line and everyone goes into the room to meet her. People that are ahead of you quickly went up to Olivia. Everyone is smiling and taking pictures with her. Olivia starts to sign posters and CDs then she takes more pictures with the fans. Slowly she starts to walk toward you but you don't stare at her eyes. You are starting to feel even more nervous, and you bite your bottom lip.

“Hi, I'm Olivia. Do you want me to sign your CD or poster?” Olivia said.

You don't say anything at first and she waits for you to say something. She thinks you are cute.

“After the show, I could meet with you again if that's okay,” Olivia said.

“Yes,” You said.

You look at her for two seconds then look away, then you look away.

“Okay, I will meet you after the show” Olivia smiled.

—

You and your mom go to watch the show. You are enjoying the show and you sing along to the song, in your head.

After the show, you did go backstage and you waited for her on the couch. She arrived ten minutes later and she started to smile at you. You look at her for a few seconds then you look away.

“You don't have to be nervous,” Olivia said.

You nod

“I have Asperger,” You said.

“I don't know what is it,” Olivia said.

“A lot of people don't know what it is,” You said.

You are avoiding her look but she is still smiling.

“I first saw you was in High School Musical: The Musical. I like listening to you sing” You said.

“Thank you for liking my music it means a lot to me” Olivia smiled.

You nod and you can't help to smile. Olivia asked for your phone number and you are freaking out but you don't show it.

This can't be real. Wow, Olivia Rodrigo wants my phone number.

“Why?” You asked.

“I want to get to know you, Y/n but only if you let me,” Olivia said.

“Okay,” You said.

She grabbed her cell phone and gave it to you. You type in your phone number and name. You are still freaking out about it and your heart starts to race. She sent you a text and you saved her phone number.

“You can text me anytime you want and it can be about anything. I have to go to another city in a little bit, but I hope we can get to know each other” Olivia said.

“Mhmm,” You said.

✫ ✯ ✬ ✫

2 Months Later… You always text Olivia about your day and text how you feel throughout the day etc. She does the samething with you, she told you about new projects she is doing. You know her favorite movies and favorite food. And she knows about your dislikes and how to calm you down when you have a panic attack.

Olivia has searched online what is Asperger's syndrome. She read many articles and watched videos about the topic. But you and Olivia got to know each other a lot through texting. Olivia caught feelings for you and she wants to tell you but not through texting.

Olivia- I had to do interviews today. Did you eat your lunch?

You- yes and no. They didn't cook the chicken correctly. I like your new album

Olivia - I'm happy that you like it ☺️😘

Olivia called you on FaceTime time and you answered the call…

“Y/n, in the past two months, I got to know you better. And I like you a lot and I want us to be more than friends. If you don't feel the same way, I understand” Olivia said.

You ended the call and you are processing what she said. Olivia is confused as to why you ended the call. You start to breathe a little too hard and you feel your heart racing.

“Did I hear that, right? She wants to be my girlfriend” You said to yourself.

You start to walk back and forth in your bedroom. Again, you started to talk to yourself.

“She likes me” You smiled.

You called Olivia and she answered the call.

“Sorry, I did that. I was in shock, that someone like you likes me” You said.

“Oh, that's why you hung up on me. Do you like me?” Olivia said.

“I like you a lot. But I don't understand about love or feelings in a relationship. I-I never had a girlfriend before. When I tell someone I have Asperger's syndrome, everything changes” You said.

“That doesn't change how I feel about you. I did my research on Asperger's syndrome, so I can understand better” Olivia said.

“I want to be your boyfriend,” You said.

“It’s official, we are boyfriend and girlfriend,” Olivia said.

“Yeah,” You smiled.

——

Olivia has a few days off, but she wants to spend time with you. You are home getting ready for your first date and your mom is happy for you. You are feeling nervous and you hope she won't change her mind, about being your girlfriend. Olivia went to pick you up and she is smiling at you.

“You look beautiful. I-I got flowers for you. They said girls like flowers and the flowers are fresh, my mom made sure” You said.

“Thank you for the flowers, they are beautiful. I rented a private restaurant for us” Olivia said.

Olivia thought it would be a good idea, to have fewer people and paparazzi around you and her. She doesn't want you to feel overwhelmed and have a panic attack.

“I’m ready to leave,” You said.

“Let’s go” Olivia smiled.

Olivia took you to a small nice restaurant. She sits across from you and you admire her beauty. You are feeling emotions that you never felt before. It took you a while to figure out what you wanted to eat, but she didn't rush you to order. You like that she didn't rush you to order something fast or something you don't like to eat.

“Y/n, I'm going to Grammys this weekend. Do you want to go with me?” Olivia said.

“Really?” You asked.

“Yes, I want to go with you. But it could be overwhelmed you and you might get a panic attack. But I will be there for you and I won't leave your side. I don't want to pressure you to go if you don't want to go” Olivia said.

“I will go with you, Olivia,” You said.

Your hand is on the table and she gently touches your hand. You like her touch, it's soft and it calms you down. You were feeling nervous but she made you feel stuff, that you never experienced but you liked it.

You and Olivia ordered the food. While waiting, she talks about the color dress she will wear for the Grammys. Then she asked about your new hobby.

After dinner, you went to see a movie with her. During the movie, you did something bold you held her hand. After a few seconds, you loved your hand away.

“We can hold hands” Olivia whispered.

You nod. Twenty seconds later, you hold her hand and she doesn't move her hand away. You can't believe that she is letting you hold her hand.

✫ ✯ ✬ ✫

The night of the Grammys… Olivia picked you up in a limousine and you can't stop staring at your girlfriend.

“Y/n, you look very handsome,” Olivia said.

She kissed your cheek.

“You are beautiful and I like your smile,” You said.

She blushed and she smiled again. You follow Olivia to the limo and it's huge. On the way to the Grammys, she noticed that you were starting to have a small panic attack.

“Baby, it's okay I'm here,” Olivia said.

She moved closer toward you and you are breathing hard. The limo arrived at the Grammys but you are hesitating to get out of the limo. She gently touches your cheek and she starts to sing and it's helping you calm down.

“I love you, Y/n I really mean that” Olivia said.

“I-I… I don't know what love is” You said.

“I know. You don't have to say it back right now, say it when you are ready” Olivia said.

“I’m sorry I didn't mean to ruin your night” You said.

“You didn't ruin anything, I mean it. Can I kiss you?” Olivia said.

You don't say anything and she will be your first kiss. You lean and kiss her on the lips and she kissed you back, then she smiled.

“I have strong feelings for you, Olivia” You said.

“I feel the same way” Olivia said.

She kissed you again. She told her assistant to take you to the back door, to avoid the paparazzi. But Olivia had to take pictures and do short interviews, but you wait inside for her.

——

Since the night of the Grammys, you and Olivia are still going strong. When she has time off, she will go see you. But you and Olivia still text a lot when she is traveling for work. Olivia doesn't mention your name in the interviews, because she wants the relationship to be private. She doesn't want your mental health to become bad when paparazzi start following you everywhere.

[girl-in-the-mirrorbluenight]

Okay I've been thinking about this pretty much all day since I saw the hbomberguy and then todd in the shadows video i just have so many thoughts. While I wouldn't necessarily call myself a Video Essayist™ (I've only made a few over the years) as a youtuber and someone who has made video essays i definitely have more experience than the average person. There are so many things that stand out to me about this whole debacle i dont even know where to start.

First I want to just give a little insight into the process for making video essays from people who've never given it a shot and just how absurd it is to do the type of plagiarizing James has done. Video essays take a fuckton of research, even for pretty simple topics, but on top that you also have to make them with the medium of video in mind. it's really not enough to just take an essay you would write for a class and read it out loud. the flow is different, you have to have accompanying visuals, often background music, etc. They're a beast to make. My Twisted video for which i used literally two sources for my research (Sondheim's books and the musical Twisted) still took days of thorough reading, note taking, watching the musical, watching the musical again, watching the musical and taking notes, cross-referencing my notes, etc. For videos that synthesize multiple sources or are covering multiple pieces of media, that time goes up exponentially. Then there's writing, recording, gathering clips (often one of the most difficult parts depending on how obscure what you're talking about is), and editing. Even for a silly video like my Glee video, I still had to do a ton of research to make sure I was getting things correct, and that was a funny tier list about freaking Glee! There is just no way you could come up with a thorough analysis by just copying and pasting. Which brings me to my next point.

I think James may have thought (or more likely rationalized) what he was doing as analysis based on like the vaguest definition. When you do any kind of analysis, what you're doing is taking research from multiple different places (news articles, primary sources, existing analysis, etc.) and coming to your own conclusions, whether that's a synthesis of those different sources, or applying it to a specific thing like a movie. Really simple example is my Twisted video where I take Sondheim's writing and apply it to a specific piece of media (in this case Twisted). I'm using existing work but coming to my own conclusion. In the Spies Are Forever video, I took existing research about the Lavender Scare and the Hays Code, including primary sources from the time period, and applied it to the musical Spies are Forever. What James seem to do is take a bunch of existing scholarship, copy and paste it all together and then come to a "conclusion" that was not actually his own original thoughts but either "facts" he completely made up or something that didn't do anything to actually link his other "sources" together. I can see why it has the veneer of analysis, but making up a random "fact" you think might be true is not the same as a drawing a conclusion based on research.

I also think Todd made a really good point in the part about England's propaganda campaign against Italy around 9:30 that it's just really bad video making to not include examples of images from this so called propaganda campaign. I have a ton of examples of news clips, government reports, etc. in my SaF video about the Lavender Scare because...it was a real historic thing that happened! If something was supposedly so widespread and not even that long ago, you can probably find evidence of it somewhere. Kaz Rowe (who is also linked in the queer creators playlist on hbomberguy's vid) talked about this a lot in their video about tiktok misinfo where people often make these outrageous claims but the thing is if something so outrageous happened (like people constantly shitting on the floors of versailles), other people at the time would probably be talking about it somewhere. It's a big red flag when someone makes such bold claims and has no evidence to back it up.

Putting this last section under the cut because I go talk about WWII, Nazis, and HIV/AIDS a bit (watch Todd's video for some more context) so if you don't want to see that post is over here.

Lastly I wanted to talk about something else Kaz brings up in a lot of their videos when talking about historical topics and that is the tendency to dehumanize people of the past, often as unwashed, unintelligent masses who would just do any ridiculous disgusting thing because they were so stupid and disgusting. There are a lot of things to criticize about the people of the past and their actions obviously, but we cannot forgot that they were in fact, people. Real individual people with their own lives and dreams and ambitions and individual opinions and they have never been and never will be a monolith. Claiming anything is broadly true of "the victorians" or "the ancient egyptians" or whatever other vague historical group you want to talk about is usually a lot more nuanced than "they all thought or acted in this one particular way". I'm certainly not a historian and i've only done one history focused video but James Somerton seemed to make a lot of broad historical claims in his videos that I think fall into this trap.

The one that stood out most to me in Todd's video was the claim about Nazi body standards which is a whole mess in general that Todd goes into for a while, but the way he talks about WWII soldiers was just like...weird. Besides the fact that a lot of his claims about Nazis seem to be bordering on glorifying them and their aesthetics (gross), I think we should remember that WWII was less than a century ago. There are still over 100,000 surviving WWII vets in the US. My grandfather who was in the Army during WWII (he didn't serve overseas but he was an enlisted soldier I can literally look up his enlistment records in the national archives online) was a real person who I obviously knew personally and who died fairly recently. To think he enlisted because he was jealous of German fitness or whatever and wanted to prove how tough Americans are is an absolutely hilarious thing to think if you knew him. I'm sure there are as many reasons for enlisting as there were enlisted soldiers. When James talks about even as relatively narrow of a group as "WWII American soldiers," he's still talking about a very large group of real and diverse people and to make such broad claims that "most" or even "a lot" of them were just so taken in by strong german physiques or whatever is frankly insulting. I haven't watched the entirety of James video so maybe he does address this at some point, but from the clips I've seen it seems very generalized and implies some level of racism when WWII soldiers in fact included a lot of racially diverse people. IDK, i think if you're a supposed historical researcher and you're making a video about WWII and you don't know about groups like the Tuskegee Airmen or the Navajo Code Talkers, that's on you. I don't want to discount some of the really horrible shit that American (and obviously other countries) soldier's did in the war and how many of them held disgusting views (even my grandpa who I love dearly was not the most politically correct person to put it lightly) but Jame's claims are not criticizing any real ideology or the consequences of them, they're oversimplifying complex and harmful historical ideas and attributing them to something he pretty much made up. I'll also give you a little hint about something. When people fall into Nazi ideology, it's because they ultimately agree with the ideology, not for some surface level aesthetic reason of "fitness" or whatever. They are antisemitic, they are racist, they are eugenicists, plain and simple. They don't just think the Nazis are cool except for all their beliefs. I also think (and again I could be missing a part of the video here) the hyper focus on the Germans and the Soviets and not mentioning Italy is at the very least an oversight too. Mussolini, like Hitler and Stalin, had a pretty big campaign of promoting an ideal strong race which he tied to ancient Romans. Like this was also a country controlled by a fascist dictator that American soldiers fought in idk it just seems weird to me to leave it out. (okay edit i looked up the transcript and he does talk about Italian fascism a little bit but only about how Mussolini rose to power, nothing about his ideologies or anything really related to the main topic of body image).

And one more thing on that note that bothered me a lot. I think his claims about HIV/AIDS is probably the most well-known here on tumblr and has been pretty thoroughly destroyed by this point, but I do just want to say one more thing about it which is that AIDS isn't gone! I feel like they way he talks about it from what I've seen of this video makes HIV/AIDS sound like a problem of the past now that we have drugs for it, but that is just not the truth. There are still tens of thousands of new infections in the US each year and way more globally and yes, people do still die from it. I just don't like when people talk about AIDS as if it's this problem of the distant past, a separate era that people went through in the 80s rather than an ongoing epidemic that still does not have a cure. Safer sex, clean needle usage, and getting tested are just as important now as they were in the 80s and 90s and don't forget that.

[six-eyed-samurai]

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This relationship should not be condoned and was only written for entertainment purposes. Dark content like kidnapping and stalking is in here, so don't read if it makes you uncomfortable. Minors, scat and shoo and scram! Also the song is All I Want Is You by Rebzyyx in case you're wondering

I know what you want, girl

The ping on your phone had you clicking the Instagram notification in surprise, not expecting any activity due to you not posting your latest video yet. Did you text anyone recently? Not that you remembered. It was probably just a new follower; a smalltime cover artist like you didn’t expect much so you took what you could get.

It was not just a new follower.

Your eyes widened to the size of saucers. He of all people had followed you back?

Swooning internally, you double checked to be sure. You had discovered a new singer not too long ago that suited your tastes perfectly, from the genre to music he produced to his voice, quickly becoming a fan of his. Your last video had even been a cover of one of his hits.

Speaking of that video, he had left a comment and a like: Flattered you chose my song, looking forward to see more of these phenomenal covers.

Let me be the one to

At first you were convinced it was his publicity team at work, or that was something generic he’d say on every cover of his music. You weren’t that good of a singer or that famous of a star to be noticed by him.

Then he privately texted you on Instagram.

It was the usual topics at first. You fangirled, he accepted, you asked about his life, he answered vaguely, you wanted spoilers for his next project, he dropped hints, you joked about getting tips on how to improve your covers and he responded with beyond that. With compliments, even.

Somehow this spawned whatever weird friendship you both shared.

Hold your hand forever

Time went on and while you never actually met physically your relationship improved with each meme that you’d message and every song recommendation he’d send. He followed all your socials and gave you a little shoutout on his posts occasionally, leaving you kicking your feet in glee.

(How’d he find your other accounts, you weren’t too sure, but it was probably because you used the same profile picture for all of them, heh.)

Texts progressed to calls and calls progressed to the day you both released a cover of a duet together. His fans went crazy; some were upset their favorite artist was supposedly no longer single, but most were wild with speculation of who his “girl” was.

Your friends needless to say went berserk. You laughed them off, citing with a blush you both were just friends. Friends with a literal celebrity who decided to make nice with some nameless nobody.

Okay, it’d be lies to say the thought of him and you as a couple didn’t get your heart hammering and your body basically reacting as if you had swallowed an entire kaleidoscope of butterflies.

That’s just silly! You guys haven’t even met in real life!

We’d be good together

About a few months into your strange relationship with him you’d have to retract that statement when he casually texted you one day out of the blue: hey, coming to your part of the world soon, wanna meet up?

By then you both were already in the calling stage (and by calling that meant hitting that dial button at the most random of times just to tell him about that cute cat you saw or him to complain about his manager hounding him as usual), so without thinking about where you were or where he might be you slammed your finger so hard onto the screen you heard a crack, although whether it came from the phone or your finger you couldn’t tell.

“Are you serious? Don’t shit with me about this!”

“Hey, why would I joke about this?”

Your friends were practically slack-jawed and green tinged with envy the next day when you delightedly announce the meet up at the cafe he wanted to try out after hearing you blabber about it so many times a couple of day after his tour would start.

I'll make you feel special

He was just as nice as he was online, nothing like you had feared at all; he pulled out the chair for you, offered a bite of his food and a sip of his drink, even paying for the meal with an insouciant shrug and “Hey, you chose the place.”

Damn, why couldn’t all guys be like him?

He had pulled enough strings to score you both a more private, secluded booth at the back where he would be less likely to be noticed by bothersome fans, and the way he was staring at you right now that was making you blush so made it clear he only wanted his attention on you and yours him. To think he wanted to hang out like this again! With you of all people, some nobody fan!

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” His smooth voice rang out in laughter. “If any of my fans or paparazzi heard that you’d be so attacked right now. Not to sound arrogant, but I don’t just start chatting to anybody, y’know?”

Help you feel less stressful

“Yeah, well, but, I’m not that special.” You ducked your head shyly, but suddenly it was tilted up by his index finger so you’d look at him (oh god, did he just do that?!).

“Hey, plenty of things to like about you. I like your taste in music, your covers, your voice, your restraint not to fangirl too hard, your - let’s just say I like the way you make me feel like I’m some normal person out on a date with an amazing person and not a harassed celebrity.”

Harassed celebrity and a convict soon, because you were probably going to die from how fast your heart was beating. Or embarrassment as you spluttered and he laughed. Laughed.

“Plenty of other things too I won’t tell for now.” He winked and his lips split into a sincere smile.

You peek through your hands covering your red face. Sincere, yeah, but something prickled at the back of your neck. The smile was a little too wide and close to your face, triumphant in a predatory way that seemed nothing like a guy who managed to get his date flustered would wear.

Maybe someone would wear that sly, possessive smile when they-

“Anyways, where to now?”

Fix the holes in your heart

Your friends were a little more understanding when you both were meeting physically, now that you think of it. They didn’t kick up such a fuss when you cancelled several outings or didn’t pick up your phone during the outings with him, respecting that he would be leaving soon and you both wanted to spend as much time with each other as much as possible. They bore through you dragging them off to every single of his concerts with the overused promise of free tickets and best seats pretty well too.

But when his tour ended and admittedly you started spending a hell lot of time on your phone texting and calling and updating him on every single damn thing that went on in your life, according to your exasperated friends. It was practically spamming at this point, they insisted.

Naturally you got defensive and it ended in one big fight you were really regretting now, hiding under your mound of blankets and talking it over with him.

It's what I wanted from the start

>>I think I need to cut down on my time talking to you tbh

>>I needa think about my other friends too

>>also i’ve been really distracted lately so yeah

>>I hope that’s okay with you? pls don’t get offended

what’s wrong with focusing all your attention on me?<<

let’s not forget who was there for you when that date stood you up<<

or who sent you cash when you couldn’t pay back the apartment repairs<<

or who helped you boost your earnings making covers<<

are you really dumping me for them?<<

I thought we were friends<<

more than friends.<<

I got mental issues

You bit your lip. This wasn’t how you had expected it to go at all. Now every single one of your friends were mad at you. God, you had really screwed up, hadn’t you?

And he was still typing.

you’re the only one who makes me feel like a normal person, not some chased idol with unrealistic expectations everywhere<<

is it so bad that i can’t let you go?<<

>>no, no, it’s not like that

>>I just need some space

>>I’m still your friend, I just need to figure out a way to split my time evenly between you guys

>>please understand

Please understand, you pleaded in your head. You didn’t like the weird feeling (chills down your spine? goosebumps?) that came with every cold, fuming text of his.

Always fxxkin’ miss you

…fine<<

but I can still talk to you right??<<

gonna miss you a lot ngl<<

>>ofc!

>>ty for being so understanding

Happy that it was so easily blown over, you grinned and began to work on texting an apology to your friends and an invite to get together tomorrow. They weren’t the type to hold grudges and soon enough all of you were teasing each other about being punctual and not end up in the wrong bar the next day.

Weren’t the type to hold grudges, yes, but even your best friend of many years began to side eye you when your phone began to ping nonstop. Nonstop as in endlessly for about five minutes straight with absolutely no break in between. It frankly freaked all of you out and now you were very, very alarmed at whatever was happening to it.

“Shit, maybe it’s one of those spam callers! Go block them!”

At your friend’s words you panicked further and quickly opened up your phone.

Hah, you weren’t that naive to think that he’d accept your words just like that, were you?

Never mind, apparently you were.

Tons of bloody tissues

You were being spammed. Everywhere, anywhere. And it was all comments or things you couldn’t find fault with, but this had to be some form of harassment, right? Right?!

Even posts you didn’t remember from five years back on your Instagram received about a dozen likes and comments. Everything on your forgotten Tumblr account got reblogged. Your Facebook was bleating with notification after notification both there and your email. YouTube was probably in danger of crashing at how many subscriptions and compliments that were rolling in.

All from the same account. Well, variations of the same account. Public, personal, fanmade-

God, WHAT WAS HE TRYING TO DO?!

You had to deal with it later. Anytime but now, not when you friends were looking at you so peculiarly. They wouldn’t believe it, you realized. Who was gonna believe a celebrity like him was spamming some nobody artist’s socials so obsessively? You’d be the crazy one, in fact.

What the hell had you done? What the hell was going on?

Later, later, later. You mustered your best neutral smile and set your phone in silent mode.

“Heh, you’re right, it’s just them telemarketers, huh?”

All of over my room

>>WTF DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING

what?<<

>>DONT PLAY INNOCENT

>>IT WAS YOU WHO KEPT SPAMMING ALL MY ACCS THESE PAST FEW DAYS

>>explain

i didn’t do shit whatever it was??<<

You were about to explode. Hours of going back and forth on this subject and he continued to flat out deny all charges. Never mind your friendship. No actual friend of you who cared about you would do this. Whatever guilt you had originally felt vanished the longer he went on defending himself.

Hell if you were gonna be friends with such a fanatical creep who couldn’t take it if all your attention wasn’t on him and acted like a child throwing a tantrum (with petty revenge) if he didn’t get his way.

>>ykw

>>we’re done

>>I’m not putting up with this anymore

>>bye

hey wait<<

You blocked him.

I need to clean them up

You often wondered how you never saw it as you aimlessly scrolled through your past conversations with him. It was so obvious, all the red flags - the way he’d make sure you always paid him attention or guilt tripped you back into talking to him no matter how busy you were.

He had a way with words, you supposed. What a singer like him was supposed to have.

It’s over anyway. Nearly a month had passed since you blocked him and so far the spams had stopped. Nothing else had happened.

Humming, you plugged in your earbuds and began to wash the dishes and clear up the remains of the dinner you had shared with your friend. It had been a pleasant time, and it had only now dawned on you how freer you feel compared to when even grabbing a coffee with your pals you’d worry about his messages.

Your Spotify was on whatever mixes they created just for you, so it wasn’t unusual for you to hear some new music blasting, but tonight they seemed rather…familiar.

“Love the way she makes me feel, like I’m just another lovesick guy, not whatever they painted me to be, can’t ever, ever, let her go-”

Hold up.

Baby, I'm fxxked up

Your trembling finger scrolled further down the article. He had recently released a new album, “Digital Love”, and that apparently had been what you were unwittingly previously listening to. But there was something seriously off about the lyrics.

One song’s verse was describing a bedroom that was certainly vague enough, yes, but when you compared it to yours it was uncannily similar. He’s never been in your house though.

Another was about a cafe date, which certainly was generic enough. If the cafe didn’t sound like an exact copy of the one the both of you went to.

Another’s “text conversation at 3am”’s wordings were awfully alike to your chats. If it weren’t about a couple already dating you’d have thought-

The songs got weirder the more you scrolled, from the general cliche romance to something borderline psychopath-level infatuation with whoever he was singing about. Or the harsh life of a celebrity…except in the song’s point of view the singer was the one stalking the celebrity.

It summed up your brief relationship perfectly.

It wasn’t probably about that but it certainly made you extremely relieved you had broken things off.

Baby, will you help me?

Damn were you excited! And nervous, don’t forget nervous.

You spent quite a long time in front of the mirror, fretting over what to wear, what to wear? Was your makeup too much? Would those shoes hurt your feet if you wore them too long, so should you stick to your first choice of footwear?

Eventually you calmed down enough to pull off a look that even you would have to admit you rocked. Your best friend certainly thought so, delightedly commenting loud enough for everyone to hear when you climbed into the car with an embarrassed flush that left your blush useless.

You both had somehow managed to score invites to a prestigious music awards event, how lucky was that?!

Of course it wasn’t as interesting as you had originally thought it’d be, you found out when you got there. Once the novelty of meeting all those renowned musicians from around the world wore off it was all drinks and sore hands from clapping as guests gave speeches and singer after singer received awards. At least that was what your more-than-drunk bestie confessed as you both declined another glass.

“And now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Best Album of the Year goes to…”

Oh god. You balked. The contents of your dinner threatened to tsunami out of your throat. You hadn’t realized, hadn’t remembered he’d be here too. Shit, shit, shit.

You calmed down with a few breaths. He hadn’t even seemed to notice you at all tonight. Neither had he made any other attempt to contact you after that. What could possibly happen? You were just being paranoid. Blame the alcohol, you decided.

He leaned into the microphone, flashing that trillion watt smile seen everywhere on the media. “Thank you, thank you all. I’m a songwriter and I can’t even express how happy I am to have won this award thanks to all of you.”

This brought out a round of laughter. He waited and went on. “There’s so many things, places and people that inspired the album, actually, but I’d like to thank one person in particular, actually. We haven’t made anything official yet, but after all those late night talks, dates…I think I really want to call them mine.”

Woah, he moved on pretty fast. You wondered who whoever he was talking about was. Or who they were - his plus one -

The color drained from your face. He called your name

Because I'm gonna help you

He chuckled to himself as everyone pushed you towards him. Alcohol weakened your strength and no one would notice your obvious fear and reluctance. That, he reflected, was how it was in the life of someone famous. Nobody noticed anything negative and when they did it blew up.

It was because of this, honestly, that made him chase after you so badly. You let him be vulnerable, be soft, be lonely and not have to worry that it’ll appear in the headlines the very next day.

He’d told you before. I like you because you make me feel normal.

Some nagging conscience feebly berated him at the back of his head at what he was doing but he brushed it off. He had given you a choice but you had turned him down. Turned him down in favor of…others. You couldn’t say he hadn’t been fair now.

Did you really think he’d let go of the one heavenly thing in his life? He’d drag you down to hell if he’d have to, if you wouldn’t go down willingly. You had to or he’d lose his mind. You didn’t have a choice. Not now, being yanked up to the stage, your rejections unheard. Not later, when he’d have you stay in his mansion forever. How else did you think your friend got those tickets?

You were a little too naive for your own good.

YANDERE ALPHABET MASTERLIST

[darkurgetrash]

Get to Know Me Tag ~

Hiya! I got tagged in a few different 'get to know me' tags so I thought I'd just combine them here, hehe. Thank you so so much to @dutifullylazybread @weaveandwood @orangekittyenergy and @blackstaff-blast — I really love these tags, both answering and reading others'. What can I say? I'm a gemini.

No pressure tags! ~ @lemonsrosesandlavender @savriea @graysparrowao3 @heytheresunflower

Do you make your bed?: Yes! I'm not a neat-freak, but I consider myself quite neat

Favourite number: When I was a young child someone asked me this and I didn't know what to say so I pretended it was '86'. Since then, that's always just been what I've said… couldn't tell you why lol

What's your job?: Between roles atm, but usually a copywriter

If you could go back to school, would you?: For sure. I was really let down as a kid by the system, if I could go back but with the wisdom I have now, I would love to. As for further education, I loved my undergrad but I can't see myself realistically studying more on account of chronic illnesses

Can you parallel park / Can you drive a manual car?: Nope. I was good at parking and driving back when I was first learning over 10 years ago but never took my test because I got a lot of anxiety driving. I live in London now, so there's no urgent need to learn, but I will have to some day.

Do you think aliens are real?: Yes. Ain't no way we're the only life forms to exist in the whole universe, pleaseee

What's your guilty pleasure?: I love Britney Spears 💁‍♀️

Tattoos?: A small one, on my ankle. Two hands in a reference to Twin Peaks. I also just love the design — even if my tattoo artist did a slightly shoddy job and told me they did the exact same reference on tonnes of people ayyy lmao

Favourite type of music?: Easy answer is indie, though even that is a huuuuge umbrella. Some of my fave musicians are Mitski, Bright Eyes, AURORA, Radiohead, EELS, and Thumpasaurus. Also, a long-time MCR fan.

Do you like puzzles?: I'm wayyy too ADHD for them tbh but I don't mind some types of puzzles, like in video games. But even then, they can't go on for too long, lol

Any phobias?: Crowds are def my biggest one. I’m scared of pretty normal things I’d say, like hornets. I do have a lot of sensory issues though that give a similar feeling, the most unusual being cardboard. Do NOT touch it near me, I WILL scream. And slight trypophobia… 🤢

Favourite childhood sport: Always hated sports and exercise, even as a kid

Do you talk to yourself: I sing to myself (and in general) a lot and have big echolalia, but I don't really talk to myself in the traditional sense. Now my partner on the other hand… he does not stop yapping for even a second in the day.

What movie(s) do you adore?: The immediate go-to's in my brain are The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Your Name, and… Shrek. Non-ironically.

Coffee or tea: Earl grey tea with oat milk, please! If not an option, I'll go for an oat milk mocha.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?: I… okay. I don't even know if I should admit this, but it's kinda funny… but remember, I was a CHILD. like, FIVE. My sister wanted to move to Africa and be a mango farmer (???) and I wanted to go with her so I said I wanted to sell shoes there because I saw a gap in the market. 😭😭

Last song I listened to: No You Girls - Franz Ferdinand

Favourite colour: Lavender

Favourite flavour: Depends on what it is, but most likely either chocolate or strawberry

Current obsession: BG3, if y'all couldn't guess. 😂

Last thing I googled: 'Sacrum'. Girly doesn’t know what body parts are called.

Favourite season: Late autumn

Skill I'd like to learn: I'd looove to be able to sew and make clothes but I am the most cack-handed person you will ever meet. I literally got kicked out of textiles class when I was in school because I was so bad they thought I was messing about on purpose 😬…

Best advice: Be cringe, be free. People will either not care or think you're cool for your authenticity.

Currently watching: I don't really watch TV! Still getting through Dungeon Meshi, lol

Currently reading: I've been trying to read 'Interview with a Vampire' since the start of the year, but my brain only has room for BG3 fanfic it would seem… SO, here's a list of my current bookmarks hehe. Special shout-outs to @lemonsrosesandlavender @crystal-overdrive @ghostcouncil @weaveandwood @sinelaborenihilsr2 @dutifullylazybread @notlikeparis

Relationship status: Been in a relationship since 2016! Also, taken by Gale Dekarios in my head. 💜

Sweet/savoury/spicy: Big, BIG sweet tooth.

[dominustempori]

SPOILER ALERT FOR THE GHOSTBUSTERS: FROZEN EMPIRE TRAILER!! (long post, fyi)

Alright Ghostheads, I'm writing all this down now, so I won't forget all these thoughts and observations I'm having JUST a few hours after this awesome teaser for the "Afterlife sequel" has dropped.

I'm sure I'm missing some bits here, so comments are duly welcome, just don't go all negative energy on me =)

Definitely felt a similar vibe to when the first trailer for "Afterlife" came out like 2 years ago now. Normal summer day, good background music, then...sh*t happens. Even worse than that burst of PK energy from the mine shaft. And yeah, I saw bits of "Day After Tomorrow," I'd be lying if I didn't get JUST a little hint of that, but only because, you know, massive storm system overwhelming the south shore of Manhattan. But anyway.

2. I SWEAR that one building shot from the side is 55 Central Park West, aka Spook Central. Probably not significant plot wise this time, just a nod to the original movie. And considering I toured some of the filming sites on my trip to NYC this past summer, SURE looks like it!

3. Deadly icicles ripping up the streets? Like the earthquake tearing up the asphalt in the original movie only BETTER!

4. The discourse is already happening about details...I know some people like Ecto 1-A from GB2, and some fans are still angry about "they ignored it in Afterlife! It's so canon! WTF Jason Reitman?" Yeah...missing the point? [They're not DELIBERATELY ignoring GB2! I LIKED GB2! A lot! Not perfect but still I LIKE IT! Probably a lot more than other fans! The film only had so much time to focus on the past to keep the story moving, so only put in so much of the lore to help a new audience along. That's my theory I'm sticking to it.]

ANYWAY...yes the car IS the original Ecto 1, NOT the 1-A (which was WAY too busy for its own good, just sayin'). I saw the plate on a freeze frame, it's Ecto 1, the original.

5. Enter the exposition cut scenes. or whatever you want to call them. Swear to God that Patton Oswalt, Kumail Nanjiani, Dan, McKenna, and Logan are NOT at Ray's Occult Books...I mean come on look at those glass cases! It's GOTTA be the NY Public Library (throwback!) Patton's character is most likely a staff member, probably a librarian (related to Alice? God I hope so!) [GBs do their research yo! If that's one thing I love about the IDW comics, is how Ray and Egon and Kylie RESEARCH.]

That one bit with the frozen dude with the eyepatch? Looks like a flashback. Like, maybe Manhattan in the...late 1800s? Recurring hauntings is def a thing in the GB universe. Another secret society? Which, yeah, they did to death (sorry) with the Gozer thing, especially in the video game.

6. Liking all the concerned closeups. Paul Rudd still looking good, and I REALLY hope Carrie Coon as Callie has full on dropped the baggage about not having her Dad in her life. Well, mostly. Turned me off from her QUITE a bit in Afterlife, but that's just me. Finn's hair lookin' good short, love how McKenna still rocks the OshKosh look, and Logan with the retro vibe.

7. James Acaster HAS TO BE an adult Oscar. I WILL fight people on this =) Not Louis' kid, not Janine's... (well, maybe?) Peter and Dana are OFFICIALLY still a couple, what's to stop Peter from adopting the boy he saved in GB2? Or at least, maybe they have their own kid later on...? Damn I hope he's Oscar. I mean come on, this is still "Ghostbusters: the Next Generation" in my mind.

8. HAUNTED LION STATUE!!! (Yeah, that's right from Real Ghostbusters...kinda) It's the Library! And on another freeze frame...it's going after Ray (GASP!) That little elevator? Maybe they're going to...Special Collections? Remember the video game? Maybe? Squee?

9. DUDE, it's attacking GBHQ! Blew the freakin' doors off! It's gonna...NO NOT LUCKY! Dude she (they?) is getting the short end of the stick again...first she gets possessed by Zuul and now...please don't kill off Lucky, Gil! Also OGBs FTW!!! yeah Winston! bad ass mf as always! And man does Pete look proper scared. Go Bill Murray!

10. I'm presuming that the big bad/entity was originally trapped and stored in the ECU, hence the blinking red light in the post credits scene from Afterlife. And it's whatever's pushing out the cinder blocks this time around...and freezing Lucky in the basement of HQ? And it's the...thing pushing its demon horns in...(so far others are calling it a minotaur - totally NOT. this guy is so reaching, i mean an old obscure RGB comic reference from a wiki page? dude, just...no. a cross between a White Walker and Slenderman? yeah THOSE I get. I'm personally thinking some ancient demon from a summoning gone wrong...or maybe right in this case.) any case, DUDE with those icy blue staring eyes and 20 feet tall...f*ck yeah.

11. Also F*CK yeah Paul and Carrie in the jumpsuits! YES!!!

12. Alright, I can sort of buy a hidden room in Kumail's character's (presumably?) apartment, secret door at the back of a kitchen pantry with some pretty lead/silver tiling...but, what's with the horn? (SUMMONING HORN! Read the Bartimaeus Trilogy people!) and the shackles? the bells? well, yeah noise to drive away evil spirits...or not? again... SECRET SOCIETY! Or maybe Lucky and Trevor have their own place now? Nah, maybe not...wait and see I guess.

13. Dude...Paul Rudd is TALL, boy! Would like to see if they've actually gone and married...or, too soon? Nah, romantic/life partners is good.

14. I WANT THAT RED WINTER JACKET WITH THE PATCH! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

15. Also, Paul's reaction...SO my own after watching this. He is still fanboy-ing out and I LOVE IT.

Holy hell that was a long post. First genuine reactions on the day. Online journaling. All good.

OK peeps, let me have it. What are y'all thinking?

Until March 29!

[padfootagain]

We’ll Speak Through the Screen if We Can’t Find the Words for Real

Hello! Today, we’re answering a request made a while ago for Ben Barnes by an anon: “Hey! I saw you're still taking requests and it's okay if you take your time to write this I just have to send it to you before I forget about it 🙈 So, I thought about this idea where reader is friends with Ben and she's been harboring a crush for years, but she never told him anything because she doesn't want to ruin their friendship. But she's encouraged by a friend to confess her feelings before it's too late and she loses him forever to someone else. Reader is too shy and she doesn't have the courage to confess face to face so this friend of hers suggests she films a video confessing her love and she sends it to him, she does but the moment she does she regrets it, but it's too late! And Ben's reaction to it it's up to you, but always rooting for a happy ending cuz real life is already sad enough💛”

Thank you so much for your request, anon! I hope you like your fic (and I agree, I am always rooting for a happy ending too!)

Hope everybody enjoys this fic! Tell me what you think about it!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x reader

Warnings: a little bit of angst, because pining idiots. Fluff. A lot of fluff at the end…

Summary: You’ve been in love with Ben for a long time, but have never gathered your courage to confess your feelings for him. Everything changes though when you feel that you could lose him and your friend gives you a crazy idea…

Word Count: 3933

Ben Barnes’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

To understand the unbearably difficult situation you’ve found yourself into, one needs to go back in time a little bit.

To understand why you’re now panicking, and crying, alone, in your bed, one needs to go back to the previous weekend, four days ago.

It was a party, at your friend’s house. Or well, not exactly a party, more like a dinner with a few friends that turned into an evening spent together. Music, food and a little bit of alcohol, but nothing crazy. It was quiet for the most part. There were eight people in her apartment, and you all had divided into smaller groups as you talked, different conversations breaking the unity of the initial gathering.

And everything was going smoothly, everything was great, actually. Because Ben was back. He wasn’t staying for long in LA, though. Just a couple of weeks, but it was still amazing to see him. To actually hug him, and smell his perfume, and get his little random hugs he gave away so easily. To actually see him laugh instead of merely hearing the sound through your phone, and see his face for real instead of the pixeled version on a screen.

He had come back only a couple of days before, you noticed the dark bags under his eyes the second he stepped inside your friend’s home. Wearing comfortable clothes, a jumper and some blue jeans. Nothing fancy, just him.

And everything was going fine, because Meghan was an amazing host, and you played games, ate a great dinner, and everything was pretty much perfect. Ben was clingy, like he always was when he came home.

And your feelings were all over the place, as they always were whenever he was around.

Because he was your best friend, and had been so for years but then again… your friendship grew into something much fonder to you, something much stronger, something… that felt a lot like love.

It started gradually, and you wouldn’t have been able to point out when exactly you started falling for him had you tried. You simply did. Day by day, in his small gestures, and his loud laughs, and his tight hugs, and his reassuring words. You couldn’t know when it begun. Perhaps it was always there…

No matter for how long, the thing is that you are in love with him. Unbearably so. And that night, at your friend’s house, everything changed.

Ben was in a relationship when your feelings hit you right in the guts, but he hadn’t been with anyone else since his break-up. And you had gotten used to seeing him single, to the point where you kept on repeating to yourself over and over again that you had time. You had time to tell him that you loved him with all your heart.

The stakes, after all, were too great. What if he didn’t feel the same? What if he didn’t even want to be friends with you anymore after that? What if you lost him altogether?

You were being a coward, and you knew it, but you couldn’t help it. You loved him to much to risk it all.

But that was before this party at Meghan’s, before he got teased by some of your friends over this neighbour of his he had taken on a date the day before.

“It’s nothing serious, nothing even happened,” Ben laughed, blushing at his friends’ teasing.

“Come on, spill the tea!”

“There’s no tea! There’s no tea to be spilled! I just… had a nice evening, and that’s about it.”

“Will you go on another date?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know. We’ll see.”

You hid your reaction in your glass, looking away.

Because your heart was beating so much faster then, all of a sudden, fear clenching at the organ and refusing to let go again. Did it mean that you were too late? That you were running out of time?

After that, you were quiet throughout the evening, making Ben worry about you, but you lied.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Just a bit tired. I think I’m gonna head home.”

“So soon?”

You didn’t see it. Or rather, you saw the signs, but didn’t understand them. He was used to it.

“Yeah… I’ll just say goodbye to everyone, and then go home.”

“Alright. Good night, then. Be careful on the road, okay? Let us know you’re safe.”

“Sure. I’ll text you.”

You kiss his cheek, too busy trying to hide the way your heart is skipping beats to notice anything about him…

After that night, after this silly conversation, you avoided Ben for the rest of the weekend. But you were spiralling, slowly but surely, and on Monday you called Meghan to finally talk about it all.

“Here, take another tissue,” she heaved a sigh, passing the Kleenex box over to you again and waiting for you to dry your cheeks before she would speak again. “You have to tell him, Y/N. This is ridiculous.”

“I can’t. I just can’t! What if he hates me after that? And what if he never wants to see me again? And what it…”

“What if an asteroid crashes over LA and kills us all…”

“I’m serious! What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

Meghan rolled her eyes, and heaved a frustrated sigh.

“Y/N… Ben is extremely handsome, and he’s a sweetheart, and he’s funny and goofy and smart…”

“I know that. Why do you think I fell in love with him in the first place?”

“What I mean is… what did you expect? Of course, he’s not going to remain single for all eternity if he doesn’t want to. It was pretty obvious that he would eventually start dating again. I wonder why it took him so long, actually…”

Again, she sighed.

“You have to tell him. You heard what he said about this neighbour of his, it wasn’t anything serious, and he’s not even sure whether or not he wants to see her again. So, you have a chance! Don’t waste it! Because if you keep on waiting, you’re gonna miss your chance and then…”

And then he would find someone else. She didn’t need to speak these words, you knew them already.

“Meg… I don’t think… I don’t think I can,” you whispered, your voice shaking and tears rolling down your cheeks again. “Despite the way I feel for him, and the fact that I genuinely want to be with him, I just… I don’t think I could say it all to him, like that… out loud… I can’t. I’m… I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I just… I just can’t!”

She groaned, burying her face in her hands.

“You and your bloody shyness, I swear…”

“It’s not my fault…”

She remained quiet for a few minutes. It was late already, and you kind of felt bad for wasting your friend’s evening, but then again, you were having a serious crisis…

“I know!” she exclaimed, making you jump. “If you can’t say it to his face, then let’s write him a letter. Or no! No, even better! Let’s record a video!”

“A video?”

“Yes! We record a video where you confess your feelings for him. So… he’ll know, but you won’t have to say it face to face. It will be easier for you.”

“I… I don’t know…”

“Y/N. You are miserable right now. This can’t go on, and you know it.”

Slowly, you nodded.

“Can…. Can you help me record it?” you asked her.

“Of course, I can, sweetheart. But not tonight. Let’s do that tomorrow. We’ll pick a cute outfit, get you ready, and record the whole thing together. But tonight… no. You look absolutely terrifying, I reckon that you would not look worse if you got hit by a truck or something.”

“Thank you for your help, even if you’ve just blatantly insulted me.”

“You’re welcome.”

And she was the one to come over to your flat the next day. She was the one to choose your outfit, and help you settle on your couch, who held your phone as you recorded the text you had written at one in the morning. Your hands were trembling as you held onto the paper for dear life, so tightly that you wrinkled the sheet.

You cried. You ended up crying again, and Meghan gave you a hug before leaving.

And you couldn’t wait to send it, you simply couldn’t. You knew you wouldn’t do it at all if you did. So, you opened your mailbox, you wrote a short message before adding the video and sending the email.

And that’s why you are crying now. Because the email has been sent, you’ve done that about half an hour ago. It will soon be midnight, and you know Ben will not read your message and watch your short video before tomorrow morning. Still, you’re crying again. You’re crying because you regret sending this bloody message.

He can’t be in love with you. He can’t feel the same. You know perfectly well he doesn’t, all you’re going to do is shatter your friendship with him. That’s all. And then what? You’ll keep on living your life, broken-hearted, and without your best friend.

You pick up your phone again, prepare a new email, one that begs him not to watch your video, not to open your previous message but then again… then again, can you keep on living like this? What will you do, on the long run? Waste your time dreaming of being with him like a fool? You can’t waste your life away like this…

You’re already broken-hearted, in a way. If he doesn’t feel the same, if he leaves, maybe it will be for the better.

You press delete instead of enter. The email is blank again, you close the app, you turn off your phone, you sit back, you stare up at the ceiling.

You’re crying again.

It feels like you’re already losing him. Perhaps it’s for the best…

Ben is whistling in his kitchen, waiting for his coffee to be ready. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of dark boxers and some socks, hair still messy after a peaceful night. He prepares a bowl of cereals, too lazy on this Wednesday morning to bake himself some pancakes.

He’s still waiting for his coffee when he picks up his phone, turning on the device to check if he’s missed any calls. He doesn’t find any of these, nor any texts, but the small envelop appears at the top of his screen, and he checks his emails. He frowns hard as your name appears there.

Why would you send him an email, instead of a text or a simple call?

He opens the email all the same, frowns hard at the short message.

Hi Ben,

You’re probably asleep and will only see this in the morning. I hope you don’t get mad at me for saying these things out loud. I just… I couldn’t hold it back anymore. But I wouldn’t have the strength to tell you all this face to face, so I’ve recorded this short video to let it all out. It’s your choice now, whether you want to forgive me or not.

I’m sorry.

Y/N.

Ben’s heart has quickened, and with worry painted all over his features, he sits down and opens the video attached to the email. He’s forgotten all about his coffee, ready for him by now.

The video starts. He easily recognizes your flat, you’re sitting on your sofa, and you seem so shy, so vulnerable, almost guilty…

What have you done?

Your voice is weak when it finally rings in his kitchen. It barely bumps into the walls, fades before reaching the counter. He hears you though. He listens to every word.

Ben. I know we’ve been friends for so long. I know how much you value our friendship. I know how much you care about me. And I would understand if you were mad at me after watching this, because I’m going to endanger what we have, to the point where our friendship might not recover. I understand the risks. But I can’t keep on going, not this way. I’ve never told you this, because… when we met you weren’t single. And then I was simply too much of a coward to tell you the truth. I’m too much of a coward now, still, as you can see. That’s why I’m recording this, instead of telling you face to face, because I know that the second I’ll look into your eyes I’ll be too scared to lose you to say anything at all. And this can’t go on. It’s been going on for too long, already.

And I reckon that I should be blunt about this. So, I won’t try to make it into a pretty declaration, because my feelings are a little too raw to be spoken in anything but simple, earnest words.

You look at the camera then, abandoning the piece of paper you’ve been reading. And Ben is starting to understand, but he isn’t quite sure if this is really happening…

But then you speak again, eyes glistening with tears you’re trying to hold back, voice shaking like he’s never heard before.

Still, he can read in your eyes, even through a video, even through a screen, that you mean it. Every word of it.

I’m in love with you, Ben. I’ve been for a long while. I…

Your voice breaks, you close your eyes, you try to gather your strengths again.

Another deep breath, before looking up.

I don’t see just a friend in you. I… I did at first, but then it changed over the course of the past few years and… and now here we are. With me being… ridiculously in love with my best friend.

You shake your head, brush away a tear.

I’m not expecting you to feel the same. But I can’t keep on lying to you. And… it might sound stupid, but hearing you talking about going on a date with someone it… it hurt a lot. I had to tell you, I reckon my confession is long overdue.

I would understand if you didn’t want to talk to me again. I just… I just hope you know that I’m not doing this to hurt you. I just need to know if this could happen or not. Because then, I reckon I’ll need to finally move on.

I’m sorry about all this. I’m so sorry, Ben.

Your video cuts as you shake your head, and start crying harder. He sees you standing from the sofa, and then nothing.

Then, he’s left with nothing but a blank screen, dark with a play button at its centre, in case he wants to start it all over again. He seems as frozen as the image he’s staring at.

He’s struggling for breath, can’t fully comprehend what just happened.

At long last, he finally presses the play button, watches the video again, but understands the same thing a second time, and a third, and a fourth time too.

You love him…

He blinks a few times, mouth agape, looking up and searching through his kitchen, as if he’ll suddenly find an answer on the door of his fridge or the handle of a drawer. There’s nothing written there though.

The coffee has grown cold when he finally sends you a text. A simple one. He’s checked the time, you’re already at work, this will have to wait for tonight.

How will he wait until tonight?

We need to talk. Can I come over tonight?

He’s been gazing at nothing again for a few minutes when his phone vibrates in his palm.

Is it about the video?

What else could it be about?

Yes.

He waits for a strong twenty minutes but you’re not responding. When he comes back from a shower, his phone is still silent. He tries to eat something for lunch, but his stomach is in a knot, and his throat is too tight, he barely manages to drink some water.

Hours pass, and there’s nothing on his phone. He waits till six o’clock, until he’s sure you’re home again, and he grabs his car keys, and hurries through the door.

You’re pacing. You haven’t stopped pacing ever since you’ve been home.

You haven’t responded to Ben’s message, but you reckon he’ll come anyway. You’re waiting for him, although, you wish he won’t come. You wish he’ll forget about all of this.

How could he though?

You expect him, still, you jump as someone knocks at your door. It’s quick, loud, desperate.

You stay frozen in the corridor, staring at the door, and the knocking starts again, more insistent this time around.

You hear Ben’s voice coming from the other side. It’s muffled by the wood, but you have no doubt that it’s him.

“Y/N? Are you here? Open up, please, it’s me. It’s Ben. Y/N?”

You can hear your phone ringing in the other room. You don’t have to look to know that he’s calling you.

You can’t run away. You can’t stay hidden either. Not forever. You’re the one who started it all with this stupid video anyway.

You take a deep breath, and before you can think this through, you stride to the door and open it.

You fall into Ben’s eyes as soon as he looks up, as he slowly lowers his phone from his ear.

You struggle to swallow.

“Come in,” you invite him, voice weak but it’s the best you can do.

You see him struggling to end his call, and he walks inside, following you to your living room. You remain standing though, and so does he. He glances over at your sofa, the one on which you were sitting on the video…

When he looks up at you again, he’s blushing fiercely. You’re not sure why, though. You’re the one who embarrassed yourself listening to Meghan’s stupid advices…

“We need to talk.”

He sounds out of breath, he seems nervous, as much as you are now.

“I know,” is all you can muster the strength to let out.

“I watched your video.”

“I know.”

“I…”

But his voice breaks, and all of a sudden, he’s at a loss for words. He’s spent his entire day thinking about this, and now… now he can’t bring himself to think about a single thing to say.

You see him blinking tears away, and you don’t understand. You never do. There have been signs for months, for years even, but you’ve never noticed. And it drives him crazy.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out, shying away, averting your eyes, trying to hide even if you can’t.

“Why?”

“Because… I shouldn’t have done that…”

“You didn’t mean it?”

You look up at him, even if it’s hard. But he looks sad now, almost scared. Actually, he’s terrified.

“I did mean it. I just… I don’t want to lose you.”

He lets out a breathy chuckle, and you frown at the sound. He runs a hand across his face, all the way up to his hair, and he closes his eyes for a second, trying to slow his heart down.

“I’m sorry,” he finally breaks the heavy silence that had settled in the room. “I’m sorry, because… I shouldn’t have waited so long either. I’m sorry, because I shouldn’t have gone on that date with my neighbour but I… I tried to show you, over the years and I thought… I thought it was obvious, everybody else noticed. And so, I thought that if you didn’t tell me anything, it meant that you weren’t interested. We were friends. I thought… I thought you didn’t want to be more than that.”

You blinked a few times.

“I don’t understand,” you admit, making Ben let out this same breathy chuckle.

And he hesitates one last time. Because he’s a cautious man. A logical one. And especially when it comes to love, or when it comes to you, he doesn’t want to take too many risks.

But you’ve confessed. So… how risky can it be to just admit that he feels the same? That he’s felt the same for years…

But when he opens his mouth to speak, no sound wants to come out. He can’t let out as much as a whisper, not even a sigh.

He needs to show you though. He’s tired. And he loves you.

Fuck all this.

If he could, he would have said these words out loud, but he hasn’t found his voice back. Instead, he takes a step closer, reaches up to hold your face in his hands.

He doesn’t kiss you though. Not yet. You finally realise what he’s about to do, what he wants to do. But he gives you a chance to step back, to push him away.

Instead, you’re the one going on your tiptoes to kiss his lips.

And you’ve dreamt about this. About his palms on your cheeks, and his thumbs grazing your cheekbones, and the tip of his fingers in your hair. You’ve dreamt of how soft his lips would feel against yours, of the taste of his tongue, of the tickle of his beard on your chin. You’ve dreamt about all this, a thousand times over. Still, it’s nothing compared to the real thing…

Your kiss grows more desperate, more loving too. Until you’re melting in his embrace, your body fitting perfectly against his, and his hold on your face tightens a little to keep you close, as if he’s scared you’ll end the kiss too soon. You have no intention of ever stopping this, though…

When you finally pull away, you remain pressed to him, your fingers lost in his hair, and you rest your forehead against his, letting your two breaths mingle in the small space left between your faces.

Ben moves ever so slightly, bumping his nose into yours.

“I love you too.”

His voice is but a whisper, and there are a thousand things he needs to confess, but it can wait. For now, this is the most important thing he needs to say.

You’ve waited for this for so long…

“I want this to be serious,” you whisper, and you feel him nodding.

“Me too. But it’s… it’s going to be a mess.”

“I know.”

“We… we’ll make it work, though.”

“Do you think so?”

“We don’t have a choice.”

He grins. At long last, you do the same.

“I’m in love with you. Have been for a long time. Should have said it before but… You’re kind of blind.”

“Oh…”

He laughs.

“That’s okay. I… thank you. For finally saying it all. I was… I was losing hope, to be honest. Hence the date.”

“Oh…”

“Oh indeed.”

You bury your face in the crook of his neck, breathe in deeply his scent of oud and vanilla. He moves his hand to the back of your head to hold you closer, drops a peck to your hair, right above your ear.

“I couldn’t say it… like this. It was too scary. Meghan thought it would be easier through a screen.”

“For once, I’m glad she was eager to help with things that have nothing to do with her.”

You both laugh at that, even if it’s still a little shy, a little new, a little raw.

Still, it feels nice. Most of all, it feels right.

“Let’s go on a date. This Friday,” you offer.

“I’d love that. I’d love to have about a million more dates after that one…”

*************************

Taglist : @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic