#like everything is fine
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Woke up feeling off, went to church like a member of the good, faithful Catholic family I am, had two existential crises while there an suddenly I understand why so many mathematicians who worked with infinity went insane. Fuck
#wandixx babbles#and the day is still going and there is sorta birthday party for my uncle and younger cousin soon and I'll have to go and act#like everything is fine#without really enough buffer time to just sit and work ir out or distract myself from it#fuck
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Coming out as a lesbian is scary as hell
#faye.txt#I wanna crryyyy#like everything is fine#but overwhelmed as fuck#like I’ve been known it’s just accepting it lol
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ARTISTS FOR PALESTINE 🇵🇸 - On the 6th and 9th of March, I'll be doing art requests on stream with other notable artists to raise money for Operation Olive Branch and the PCRF.
I'm incredibly lucky to be counting quite a few big names in the roster, including known Jesus and Odysseus enthusiast @wolfythewitch, the extraordinary fanartist @denimcatfish, and the incredibly talented @troubledminnesotan, as well as Lilypichu from OfflineTV.
You'll be able to watch the streams on the day of the event either on my twitch channel here, or via the links provided by the artists below.
Lilypichu
Cuptoast
Akairosu_
Sevvanto
Wolfythewitch
#we're all gonna be doing an aggie.io board together and taking requests#sort of like drawfee's charity streams if any of y'all know them#its my first time organising a fundraising event like this and i hope it all goes well#the stream on the 6th is gonna double as a practise stream for me since i wanna check if everything will work fine#fingers crossed!!#im honestly so lucky that these people agreed to this so short notice as well...#i promised wolfy id read the odyssey and the epic of gilgamesh so y'all better donate#palestine#free palestine#free gaza#free west bank#donations#pcrf#operation olive branch#donations for palestine#fundraiser#lilypichu#cuptoast#crumb#offlinetv#shamelessly trying to get as many eyes to see this as possible
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i would rather do anything other than sit here and stew in this bullshit but like always i have to just suck it up and fucking pretend to be fine
#its always fucking like this#drowning and reaching and being ignored#and drowning and reaching and hoping and drowning and watching boats go by#and drowning and drowning and drowning#until i force the water out of my lungs myself and grab onto some sort of floatsm#its always the same stupid fucking cycle#and me posting about it on my stupid fucking tumblr blog#like it fucking matters#like i fucking matter#im just screaming into the void whenever i do this#im tired#and whenever ive finished puking up the saltwater someone paddles by#like everything is fine#delete later
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I. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I’m okay I’m fine I’m okay I’m fine I’m oka
The fic I'm illustrating and losing my mind about 👉 Mistakes on mistakes until
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#momu fanart#fic fanart#LISTEN.#I DON'T THINK JAZZ IS GONNA DIE.#BUT I THINK HE M I G HT#Like.#I don't even know anymore#something in me tells me that everything will be fine#but! throughout this whole fic my inner voice was absolutely. completely#DRAMATICALLY fucking wrong 90% of the time#so it's not like I can't trust the tropes#I can't even trust myself anymore ahahahah#his 'see you on the other side' YOU SENSE IT TOO RIGHT?? ri g h t?#or Is it me just finally losing the last pieces of my sanity?#both ways - I fucking love this fic#I want to make it into a physical copy for myself once it's finished (despite printer ink costing like an airplane wing in my country lol)
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BRIDGERTON | “JOINING OF HANDS” (3.07)
#polin#polinedit#penelope featherington#penelope bridgerton#colin bridgerton#luke newton#nicola coughlan#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#bridgertonedit#dailybridgerton#i like to imagine gen was inside watching with a grin and a glass of wine knowing everything was gonna work out just fine#edit*#*
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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wanted to practice some more intense angry expressions and what better excuse to further my agenda of giving megumi the emotional catharsis he deserves
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#yall know tht one juuzou panel gjkgdghjkdfhgjkgd#guess what was my ref fr bottom right#i think megumi deserves to scream real guttural at least once#i think it would be good for him and i certainly would not complain to see it#i love stoic emotionally constipated characters dont get me wrong but also like. come on. points at the 'whatever!' scene#he's so GOOD when he gets to be expressive like PLEASE#anyway i once again have to do everything myself in this house when it comes to this kid#so i am treating myself to 4 flavours of angry megu#here we've got a fine selection of enraged ; holding himself back from clocking a mf by a thread ; seething ; and tortured :D#the classic capricorn emotions#real talk tho anger is Hard to draw#also bad fr the state of my skin probably with the way i was subconsciously Making these expressions as i drew#gna give myself wrinkles at 24 i had my brow furrowed so deeply
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Sleeping Soundly Again - my comic for the Until the End of Time zine! I drew this around a year ago, and I'm so excited to get to unleash it on the world at last.
#billford#gravity falls#zine stuff#postbetrayal#ford angst#this is my first time doing a comic so i kept the panel layout as simple as possible#i feel like my art skills are better now than they were when i drew this but i still think the idea comes across just fine#seriously though check out the full zine the artists and writers poured their heart and soul into everything and it shows
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I love this photo because this was Aziraphale's reaction after the priest lady interrupted Crowley pinning him to a wall. And he seems bothered by it
#bro was literally side-eyeing her#“Could you not?#I've been waiting for this moment for over 6000 years“#he even did that ine awkward judgmental smile you do when you see someone do something stupid at Crowley#like “Everything is perfectly fine im not annoyed at all”#ineffable husbands#good omens#good omens aziraphale#aziraphale#aziraphale good omens#crowley#crowley good omens#good omens crowley
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
#writeblr#warm up#to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace#but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3#mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES#and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for#than have 1 kid NOT get help#but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here#bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness#but use it to defend THEIR actions#like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like#all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol
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This season OPENED with Christopher leading on multiple girls because of unresolved emotions about Shannon.
#911 spoilers#911 abc#eddie diaz#ryan guzman#christoher diaz#WHAT THE FUCK 911ABC#im just supposed yo go about my goddamn life like everything is fine and normal#IM SUPPOSED TO GO TO BED AND SLEEP PEACEFULLY
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Scenario where Yue Qingyuan and Luo Binghe both pick up on and independently confirm for themselves, a few years into the matter, that Shen Qingqiu's soul has indeed been replaced with someone else's. But they have polar opposite reactions about it. Yue Qingyuan keeps trying to figure out how to get SJ back (alone, since it's nothing he can prove and also he sucks at asking for help), while Luo Binghe is doing everything in his power to make sure that Shen Qingqiu stays the new version or doesn't have his soul replaced again. The two of them each entirely unaware of the other's knowledge or actions, basically cancelling one another out.
Yue Qingyuan finds an item that should loosen the current occupant soul's hold on the body, potentially allowing Shen Jiu's soul to come to the fore again (if it's still in there somewhere) or regain control. Luo Binghe, around the same time, discovers a rare herb that is said to help reinforce the connection between the soul and the body, to help with individuals who have troubles with dissociation. Yue Qingyuan gifts the "rare artifact" and gets Shen Qingqiu to put it in his study, Luo Binghe mixes the herb into a medicinal tea and serves it to him every day. Net zero impact.
#svsss#scum villain#scum villain's self saving system#the funniest outcome I think is if mu qingfang eventually notices the impact of the push-and-pull on shen-shixiong's spiritual stability#and just starts going through his pantry and belongings with a fine-tooth comb#eventually emerging with his arms loaded with questionable artifacts and ingredients that either dislodge the spirit or reinforce it#vein throbbing on his forehead like HOW???#one or two accidents he could see but this is ridiculous!#ALL gifts and and menus for shen-shixiong now need to pass through qian cao for approval first from here on out!#or else next time he's sending Liu Qingge to just pack everything in the bamboo house into a sack and bring it over to him!
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fishes for the homos i mean homies
[ID: nine fish with collaged scales of different colored and patterned paper, each with glittery fins.]
#collage#only like 4.5 people have confirmed that they got these but its been like 2 weeks since i mailed them#so id certainly Hope im not spoiling anything by this point#i gotta keep lists whenever i mail stuff bc i got 9 people i mail#so i gotta keep lists of who said 'oh i got a thing' so i know when theyre all at their destination#course some people dont say anything#which is fine#they dont know i have a list#once its been a while i just assume & hope everything made it where its supposed to be
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ty to @icedmatchawoatmilk13 for sending this to me! i may have gone a bit overboard but this was so much fun to fill out/think about BAHAHA💖 ill still never get over how perfect the song sarah smiles is for them...the lyrics AND the fact that its an alliteration...im gonna do an animatic about seb and clora to that song one day i swear 😩 ((blank template by oakwolves!))
#like fr....'i was fine just a guy living on my own/waiting for the sky to fall/till you called and changed it all doll' LIKE!!!!!#makes me think of seb just waiting/dreading for anne to die but then clora comes along and changes everything/saves anne AND him#ok sorry my squeeing and yapping about how perfect this song is for them is done#choccyart#clora clemons#the hardest part of this chart for me to fill out was the starting arguments one honestly...but i think theyre pretty even LOL#clora is the ROOT of their arguments usually and then seb just reacts to her bullshit......so its a 50/50 LMAO. cause and effect#also sebs pda WOULD be at 100% if not for clora LMAO#and sorry for making seb h*terosexual😔 honestly i cant see either of them with anyone else hes just clorasexual tbh#also if i could have given seb an autumn birthday I WOULD HAVE but i needed his bday to be early on in my fic...for reasons...#looking at aquarius personalities tho i DO think it unintentionally suits seb a lot#i wouldnt have made cloras bday in april either if i could have chosen freely i would have done either summer or december#but then again i just recently learned that the birth flower for april is DAISIES!! so its perfect🥰#youd think i would know this since my bday is also in april LMFAO i like how i only care/do this research when its about my ocs and not me#BAHAHAH priorities!!!
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