#like even a 'bad' person can put something significant and good in their story

[katyspersonal]

'Death of the author' (the 'separation of creator and creation' one, not 'the absent story narrator' one or 'only read/watch things from GOOD people' one) really doesn't work if you comprehend art for what it IS - a tool of communication like no other.

You just can't avoid analysing characters and story through the prism of what creator put in it, and as soon as it is revealed (not speculated about), how can you look away? If the character you thought was evil is, in fact, one of the very few "heroic" ones according to creator, it will effect your vision of their intentions! You now know they were in a desperate position of either fence-sitting or saving people through unethical life-altering experiments from worse fate. Still a decision you might not agree with, but character meaning well and stepping through even morality puts thing in perspective. If the cool story about wizards you used to read as a kid/teen is written by a raging bigot as you just found out, you can no longer use this story as a metaphor and empowerment for overcoming oppression you are facing. How? Now that you know that according to author, adversities the protags are overcoming are you, not your enemies?

Heck, better example- No matter how stunning and beautiful AI "art" is, as soon as you find out that it IS done by a computer, doesn't all that admiration and happiness fade from your eyes? Ethics question aside, what also stings is that nothing was put into this picture. No passion, no idea, no effort, there is no secret communication in details, there is nothing to say about creator from color and light accents.

You can separate creation from creator's reputation, but you can't separate creation from creator's intention.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

proposing what I'm going to call Gaylor's Razor, which is: never explain normal shit as being part of a secret message that can only be decoded by over-analysis.

"These Taylor Swift lyrics are actually coded messages saying that she's a lesbian and is forced to stay in the closet! Any lyrics that are clearly about being attracted to a man are just to throw us off the scent!" Sometimes people, like Taylor Swift, are straight and write about being straight, because they are straight.

"The fourth series of Sherlock was deliberately bad because it was actually a coded message to us fans that there is a secret fourth episode that will make Johnlock canon and will actually be good!" Sometimes writers (even experienced writers who are normally good at their jobs) will write something that's not good, because no one is perfect. They're not going to waste everyone's time and money and energy creating something terrible on purpose as part of a grand master plan.

"Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, the Canadian Olympic ice dancers, are secretly married (with kids)! Their public relationships with people who are not each other and them repeatedly saying 'we dated as kids and now we're just friends' are just to hide the truth! Which they need to hide for some reason! Their relationship is obvious just from their physical chemistry when competing! JUST LOOK AT THIS TWO SECOND CLIP OF HIM BLINKING AT HER!" It seems counterproductive to put all that thought into hiding a relationship that doesn't need to be hidden but then also telegraph that same relationship in front of millions of people through planned choreography.

"But BB, what about times that people really are speaking in code or hiding something due to outside influences?"

If it requires huge leaps in logic, like adding all the letters in a sentence together and dividing by seventeen and that number matches the binary sequence for the color yellow so YELLOW MUST BE SIGNIFICANT, it's not a secret code.

If it requires focusing on teeny tiny details but discards huge ones, like analyzing someone's micro-expressions but handwaving away what the person is actually saying out loud with their mouth, or focusing on one specific line instead of the entire scene or song or whatever, it's not a secret code.

If both supporting and contradictory evidence are used to come to the same conclusion (ex: when Taylor says something that I interpret as gay, that means she's gay, and when she says something that I interpret as straight, that still means she's gay and just hiding it), it's not a secret code.

Trying to apply fandom meta analysis techniques to real life is a really good way of fall into conspiratorial thinking that can be easily exploited. You can totally try to predict what's going to happen in a story or choose to interpret a scene in a specific way; you can't do that in real life with real people. That way lies the kind of nonsense that leads to shit like "this image of pizza on a children's toy is actually subliminal messaging by The Cabal™ that proves that Pizzagate is real."

[pico-farad]

Asuka's problematic trait is that she's a Not Like Other Girls girl.

I love her so much.

This is how I interpret her beef with Rei — it's not jealousy over Rei having a crush on Judai, it's a very typical stage of teenage internalized misogyny where she blames other girls for the way she's been treated under patriarchy.

Rei: *winks at Judai*

Asuka: *malding internally* This is why people think girls only play Duel Monsters to find boyfriends—

girl calm down she's 13

Asuka has a very consistent storyline of having femininity — and by extension heteronormativity — forced upon her by the school, her brother, and even her friends. This is a classic Not Like Other Girls origin story; it's a frustration response from young girls facing insane pressure to conform to traditional femininity, which results in contempt for the feminine altogether. The frustration is displaced on Other Girls, because they're a representation of the traditionally feminine, and they contribute to the pressure to conform, whether directly or indirectly.

A huge part of Asuka's character is how she copes with the systemic pressure that girls face by putting up like five different layers of defense mechanisms, including distancing herself from femininity or even being perceived as a girl at all. Because she just wants to be taken seriously as a duelist in a male-dominated, misogynistic industry.

(the manga canon isn't the same as the anime canon, but I wanted to include it)

She has side-eyed EVERY other female character in GX for being obsessed with a boy — Junko, Momoe, Rei, Tania, that bug girl, the frog princess (I put a whole aside about her relationship with Junko and Momoe below)

Asuka, you're bombing the Bechdel Test.

I know it's bad that GX caricaturized all of its female characters other than Asuka to be boy-obsessed, but, well... it's a narrative that does resonate with the audience of young girls who were playing a card game made for boys in 2004. You can cringe at the bad feminism now, but I think that's the part that's charming and nuanced about Asuka.

Teenage girls mostly grow out of their Not Like Others Girls phase and look back at it with embarrassment (maybe because we turned Not Like Other Girls into another way to shame girls), but it is something that's worth exploring. Asuka is a genuinely kind person, and I think she too will grow up and realize how stupid and reductive she was being.

"a real woman" Asuka sweetie you're going to cringe over this in five years.

THE JUNKO MOMOE ASIDE:

Asuka is nominally friends with Junko and Momoe, but as the series progresses, she spends more and more time instead with her group of male friends. A significant portion of her interactions with them are her showing veiled judgment towards them for fangirling over boys, from tennis guy to Edo Phoenix to her brother.

And when she joins the Society of Light, that veiled judgment becomes unveiled.

Junko and Momoe are in the middle of losing to a sexist wine dude, and Asuka is so furious, her Not Like Other Girls instincts override the Society of Light brainwashing and she takes over the duel for them. ASUKA'S INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY IS STRONGER THAN BRAINWASHING.

Sommelier: Goodness me, I had high hopes for the ladies of Obelisk Blue. But I suppose to you, duels are like making tea or arranging flowers. Just one more skill you learn to land a husband. Just surrender, why don't you? Asuka: Wait! Junko & Momoe: Asuka! Asuka: If you two lose, there won't be any more students in the tournament representing the long-respected Obelisk Blue girls' dorm. I will carry on the duel. Naturally, I will carry on with their life points.

Even though Asuka would win if she used White Veil, the signature card of the Society of Light, she discards it in order to activate Hallowed Life Barrier. Because this is all her, not the Light.

Asuka: (I won't rely on the Society of Light's power. I'll win with my power from my days as a girl of the Blue dorm.) Asuka: Let me show you the power of Obelisk Blue girls. My turn, draw!

Neither of these scenes are girl-power-girl-solidarity moments. It's the opposite. Asuka takes over the duel because she doesn't want their loss to reflect on the entire Obelisk Blue girls' dorm, and all female duelists (therefore her).

When the duel is over, she contemptuously rejects Junko and Momoe, shaming them for being so bad at dueling and victim-blaming them for the sexist attacks they receive. Asuka spent the whole duel defending the Blue girls, but she is NOT one of them.

Junko: Asuka! Come back to the Blue girls! The way you dueled just now was just like old times! Asuka: You're so naive. This is why you get told that you only "practice." Protect your own pride next time. I am a member of the Society of Light.

Everyone who ships Asuka/Junko/Momoe as a default lesbian best girlfriends uwu ship get outta here, those three have BAGGAGE to unpack before any lesbianism can be achieved.

(I have more to say about these three and how it parallels Judai's relationship with Shou and Kenzan, but that's outside the scope of this post)

Anyway, that's why Manjoume is a better feminist than Asuka

[elkian]

In Stars And Time (and its predecessor Start Again to a degree) did something really impressive in a video game: making a non-combatant child character not only likeable, but critical to the fabric of the story. Notably, the Kid is not a primary story character. They represent the common folk of the endangered fantasy land; someone whose home and family was taken by the Big Bad, leaving them stranded.

In the core party, we have the Housemaiden, blessed, immune to the worst status effect, bearing a unique elemental type, etc. It's actually very amusing that she is blatantly The Main Character of this story, because she isn't the POV character.

With her we have the Fighter, a good-hearted tank who worked as a Defender in the homeland of the first three; the Researcher, a foreigner traveling the land, who's book-smart and has a wide array of spells, the wizard type.

And then we have the POV character, Siffrin, a classic Improbably Good-Natured Wandering Rogue archetype. You know, the classic shifty thief-type and troublemaker who nonetheless aids the party without thought of reward and isn't actually a criminal despite the vibes? That kind of rogue.

The Kid isn't a playable character. They can contribute to combat, but it's randomized. The most you can do is equip them with gear and skills that affect the frequency of their input, and ask them to feed the party heals (and possibly feed the final boss a bomb).

What the Kid is, what they represent, is in many ways the emotional core of the party (as the party knows it; Siffrin might develop different ideas, but, notably, still cares deeply for the Kid's wellbeing).

The Kid provides snacks, which is partly about their heals-carrying role, but it has a broader application. Between each level in the main dungeon, there's a snack break with three options. As you play the game, looping over and over, choosing different snacks can be the most you can break out at times. Snacktime also creates a narrative and gameplay break, a time to chat with the party one-on-one.

The Kid is the moral support and backbone of the party; it's possible to tell this story without them, but it would, frankly speaking, be a less emotional, less interesting story, with lower stakes. The Kid is at risk when you fight; the adults team up and agree to protect them no matter the cost, and this is not a throwaway line. This has consequences. This creates texture.

Late in the game, Siffrin develops the option to do Party Member Personal Quests, and despite being a noncombatant, the Kid is one of them. All of these Quests are meaningful and important in their way, but the things we learn in the Kid's Quest are extremely important to understanding Siffrin. The other Quests have personal elements that Siffrin relates to, but this one is about him in a very specific way, that could not be fully replicated by mirroring the events referenced onto one of the adults. This Quest pans out the way it does because the Kid is a kid.

It's hard for me to put into exact words, especially when I don't want to spoil things, but there's even more specific details that make them important to the narrative progression, again, without being an "important" person in the context of the game world. By being important to Siffrin and the rest of the party, by having their narrative wound in with the others, the Kid is as integral to the story as any other character.

Kid characters like this in video games aren't often well-respected, and that tends to be for good reason - they tend to represent ludonarrative dissonance, be annoying, or be the product of overcompensation and have their importance rubbed into the player's face. Many of them could be extracted from the narrative without having a significant effect on the outcome, or would destroy the narrative because they're the focus character, borderline Morality Pets for protagonists. The Kid in ISAT and SA fascinates me, because I came to care about them in a very natural manner, not just because their personality and interactions are endearing, but because the way they and the other party members relate to each other has a tangible impact on the story and emotional core of the game.

[jolieblack]

Something finally came to me! (I usually can’t write to prompts to save my life.)

May Prompts 2024 by @calaisreno

May 24th: Imperfect

We've always done things the wrong way round.

We moved in together at a time when we knew no more than four or five facts about each other. Significant facts, granted, such as John being a war veteran and me having no patience with idiots, but neither of us could have claimed to have had anything even close to the full picture at the time. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if either of us had. Only on my really bad days, though.

I don’t have all that many of those any more, luckily. And when I do, I have plenty of good memories to help me pull myself up again. Take the ones of how we confessed our love to each other to a beautifully decorated room full of people in festive dress and in even more festive spirit, to much applause and cheering and well-wishing. Yes, you heard that plural right. Those are two separate memories, years apart and in two different places. I got to go first, and it wasn’t even me who was getting married at the time. That’s another thing that most couples would do differently. Coordinate it a bit better, at least.

The second time around, as a lot of you will remember well, it was John's turn to talk, and I‘d been told in no uncertain terms to keep my mouth shut and say nothing, not even to correct his grammar, till he was done. I can now attest that it is true that the groom never gets to have a say in anything at his own wedding. Someone got his late revenge there. And believe me, that doesn’t depend on whether it’s one groom or two. Yes, and I know there are still people out there even in this day and age who feel that it’s not normal to have two grooms at all. They can all go away and never show their ugly faces again where I can see them, or smell the foul breath of the bigoted filth they’re spouting. That’s not the wrong way around, that couldn’t be more right for both of us.

But we did other things the wrong way around, too. In most romantic stories, killing someone to save the person you love is usually the culmination of long mutual trust and dedication. It‘s supposed to be the crowning glory, the final sealing of a bond that has long been in the making. It’s not supposed to be the starting point. And John is usually the more patient of the two of us, but when it came to this, he could barely contain himself for 36 hours after our very first meeting before he did it. Ever heard of timing and pacing, Doctor, I hear you people wonder? And he’s supposed to be the one with the talent for good storytelling. The timing was good, though. The timing was excellent. There’s another 'what if' for you that is no fun to contemplate at all.

There is killing out of love, and - I have to say it, I can’t not, I‘d be lying by omission if I didn't - there's also dying out of love. I doubt, however, that there’s anyone out there who has ever put a more elaborate effort into pretending to die out of love than I have. As far as I‘m aware, that’s not really a romantic convention, either, and I sincerely hope I haven’t started a trend. I honestly can’t recommend it. Effort is well and good, and I dare say the execution in my case was flawless, but I can’t deny there was a certain lack of forethought as to the emotional impact on both parties concerned. Don‘t try this at home, folks.

People also usually date first, then start cohabiting, then get married, then raise children together. Please don’t ask me to define at what time in our lives exactly John and I were dating and when we weren’t yet. To this day we have never been able to agree on a definition for this mysterious activity that emphatically, according to John, for whatever reason, does not encompass two people who like each other going out together and having fun. But it is an undisputed fact that we had been raising a child together for a good while before we got married. And we have been going out together and having fun for years uncounted now. Crime scenes never fail to work that particular magic on us. Oh wait, no, that was another example I had on my list for what most other couples do differently. Hang on, do I see a certain Chief Inspector of Scotland Yard raise his hand in objection? Raising both hands, actually, showing us… what, seven fingers? Is that the number of couples working for the Metropolitan Police that you know personally who have met at crime scenes? Or are you reminding us of the number of times John and I were actually kicked off a crime scene because we were enjoying ourselves entirely too much, and were told not to come back till we could behave like adults? I could have sworn those were more than seven occasions, but I‘ll take your word for it.

Talking of raising a child together, I‘m sure Rosie will say a word or three about that herself later, but I have never understood why most of you had doubts about the practicability of that particular endeavour. Let me just tell you that a baby carrier is entirely compatible with a cashmere scarf, or didn’t you know cashmere can absorb up to a third of its own dry weight in liquid? And it got only easier from there when Rosie grew older and stopped affectionately drooling on whoever enjoyed the happy privilege of holding her and carrying her around. She hasn’t demanded being carried around in a good while now, and I don’t know what our poor old backs would say to that these days. But we were talking about happy memories, weren’t we, so there’s another. And at least in the metaphorical sense, I hope you know, Rosie, that you’ll be held and carried for as long as you want and need, as long as we both live. You were my daughter even before I was your father’s husband, and that has been one of the greatest honours bestowed on me in my life.

Because this is who we are, isn’t it, our crazy little family, where nothing is as you’d expect it to be. But we still wouldn’t have it any other way, topsy-turvy, weird, flawed and utterly imperfect, but also utterly us, unique, one of a kind. I don’t know if it was fate that threw us together, or if it really was just a whim on the part of the comfortable, corpulent, bespectacled gentleman sitting at this table over here, smirking with his trademark benevolence. But there’s a debt of gratitude to be paid there, and today is a good day to do it. In this at least, we’re doing the conventional thing, but who’s to say we’re not allowed to do that at least once in a quarter-century.

So, ladies and gentlemen, dear friends and family from far and wide, I give you: John Watson, the man of my life, the man at my side for over thirty years, and for exactly twenty-five years in the legal sense on this very day. Please raise your glasses with us to the next twenty-five. And for God’s sake stop snivelling like that, Mycroft. You’re embarrassing the whole room.

[ahsxual]

Hi! Your writing is wonderful, and I wanted to wish you the best of luck on your exams in advance 🥰 could you imagine the stoic Sang-woo proposing to his girlfriend? Idk the idea of him being in a relationship and coming to terms with his emotions fascinates me. Thanks!

Sweet Proposal

Pairing: Cho Sang-woo x GN!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2,2k

A/N: Awww thank you, dear anon! I truly appreciate your kind words, it means the world to me 🥺💓 I have to say that I agree with you and I absolutely loved your idea for this request! I hope you enjoy my writing and I wish you the best <33 I wrote this request a long time ago and never posted it idk why, but here goes (my apologies🥺)

You and Sang-woo have been dating a few years now: you met him through his mother, the woman who you visited everytime you passed by her store and who you always bought something fresh to eat. Her products were of great quality, besides the fact that she was the kindest woman you have ever met in your entire life. She treated you like her own daughter/son, and since you lived by yourself in south korea, you really appreciated having someone who you could count on. Whenever you had a bad day, you would tell her and she would help you by giving you the best advices from her life experience, so your relationship was pretty close. Until one day, her son visited her, and that's when you met the love of your life.

"Good morning, miss Cho!" you greeted your second mother as you liked to call her, only for her to turn to you with the biggest smile and bright eyes on her face, as always. However, this time she had company.

"Oh, my sweet Y/N! Come here sweetie, please let me introduce you my wonderful son, Cho Sang-woo!" she seemed so excited, in contrast to her son who seemed pretty serious and uncomfortable with the all situation.

"Hey." he simply said with a low, yet neutral tone, making you realize that he was quite the opposite from his mother: she shined even in the darkest days, while he somehow brings darkness wherever he goes to. But the fact that he had such a hard personality to deal with and understand, instead of pushing you away, only made you even more curious about that mysterious man. Besides the fact that he is incredibly handsome, but that's another story.

"Hey there! I'm L/N Y/N, nice to meet you." you put your hand in front of him so you wouldn't be just standing there looking awkwardly at each other. He looked at it for a second, before taking it and shaking it gently, like he was afraid to break your way smaller hand.

"I'm so happy you finally met my son! I'm sure you two will get along just perfectly!" her joy was contagious, yet her own son didn't seem to let his mother's charm get him. You heard her talking about her amazing son so many times, saying how he was a kind man, and extremely intelligent and responsible. Yet, here he is, looking like his life was a complete chaos.

"Yeah, I'm sure we will." you answered shyly, only for him to look at you with a surprised expression. You simply smiled at him, making him blush slightly at your cuteness.

Now you are in the bed with your soulmate by your side, watching him sleep peacefully: who would have known you two would get here? Together?? You didn't know the right answer for that as well, but the truth is that life can really surprise you.

You were Sang-woo’s first love: the only person who stood with him no matter how many problems he had, both professionally and psychologically. You would never give up on him, and that's what made him realize you were the love of his life, the soulmate he was unconsciously looking for so desperately. No one would ever guessed, but one of Sang-woo’s main goals in his life is creating a family who loved and supported him until the end, to feel the happiness and comfort of waking up every day next to his significant other. However, before meeting you, his problem was that he never had the patience or motivation to find love or to continue to please his possible partner until they fell for him. No, he wanted to focus on his professional career first, the rest just being mere details. What made him fall for you, was your dedication to be with him and build a promising life by his side, supporting him and helping him whenever he needed: you were also the first and only person who he told about his fears, insecurities and feelings about certain topics, but only after a few, long months of building trust and courage. And you did the same: you considered him your best friend, because he always helped you with the most racional advices, which were the best in your opinion.

After a few minutes of analyzing lovingly every feature that you knew so well of your loved one, you noticed him moving slightly and groaning from waking up from his precious sleep.

"Good morning, tough guy." you joked, only to receive a confused expression from him just before he rolled his reddish eyes and laugh at the nickname.

"Good morning, babe." his voice was so deep that it made you have inappropriate thoughts, however you knew he was too tired for it right now. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, I actually did. As for you, I think I don't even have to ask." you laughed at his still sleepy state, before putting your legs over him and hug his long torso. He pulled you closer, closing the space that separated your hungry lips before kissing you slowly, yet with the perfect amount of passion and love.

"Yeah, I really needed to rest my mind and body from yesterday." you shyly laughed at him before hitting his arm when he reminded you from your passionate love session from the night before.

"You silly!" the moment you called him that, he rolled you over so he could be on top.

"Call me that again and see what happens." he warned you with a serious face, yet you knew him better. He was obviously messing with you, and you would be lying if you said you didn't like his demanding behavior.

"Can you join me in the shower, babe? Please?" you decided to change the subject, giving him the pleading look that you knew he couldn't resist.

"Yeah, sure." he smiled before giving you a quick kiss on the lips. "Just wait for me, I'll be right back."

"Ok, I'll wait for you." you gave him a last peck on his lips, before making your way to the bathroom, unconscious of what was coming for you.

That day your boyfriend invited you to dinner at a fancy restaurant, so you thought it would be a simple date like the many you've had before. But this time, he had promising plans for you and your future together, something you weren't expecting to happen so soon. It was already 7:30 pm, so he called you to hurry so you could be on time at the restaurant.

"I'm coming!" you warned your handsome boyfriend, before you appeared in front of him dressing your favorite date outfit that he bought you a few days ago.

"You look gorgeous, sweetheart." his eyes were full of love, admiration and pride for you, making your heart melt with happiness. You felt so loved at that moment... you still couldn't believe you were dating that man.

"Thank you, love. Let's go." you thanked him, before leaving your house and walk to get into his expensive black car.

You and Sang-woo arrived at the restaurant 15 minutes earlier, so you took your time to sit at your reserved table. The restaurant was outstanding: everyone was dressed nicely and the environment was peaceful and romantic; it was an expensive and well known restaurant from your city, which made you feel important. You also felt really happy to know that your boyfriend took you on a date at a very welcoming and beautiful place: it meant that he really loved you and makes a real effort to build up your relationship by changing your routine from time to time, which was healthy for both of you.

A few hours passed and you talked about everything and anything: your plans for your future together, funny stories that happened in your childhood that you didn't know about, how work was going and who are the people you like or dislike... it was a really nice, yet nostalgic and interesting conversation. After that, he insisted to pay your dinner. You felt bad, so he promised next time you could pay, which you knew he was lying.

When you left the restaurant, hand in hand, he told you that his plans for that night weren't done yet.

"I need you to do something for me, honey." your future husband said as soon as you entered the car. You looked at him suspiciously, waiting for whatever was coming. "Close your eyes." he simply said.

"What? Why would you-"

"Just trust me, ok? It's not like I'll kidnap you or something." he made sure to use his sarcasm to relax you a little bit, indirectly telling you that he wasn't going to do anything bad.

"I wouldn't mind if you did so." your sassy comment made him laugh quietly, before you closed your eyes and heard his car running.

Minutes passed and you were starting to get bored with having your eyes closed for so long. At least his strong grip on your inner thigh kept you entertained during the car trip. Suddenly, you felt the car stop slowly, and that's when you realized you had finally arrived at your destination. You were about to open your eyes, when you felt a smack on your thigh.

"Ah! I didn't say you could open your eyes already, did I?" his demanding tone made you internally scream and blush hard, but you needed to remain calm to not lead things to another way, since you didn't want to ruin the plans he made for you.

He helped you getting out of the car, before putting his hand on your waist to guide you to the place where he would make the big proposal.

"Open your eyes, love." he whispered into your ear. The moment you opened your eyes, tears instantly made their way to your warm cheeks: you could watch and admire each star on the sky, shining in your direction; it was full moon night, which made you think that Sang-woo chose this specific night for that reason; in front of you, you could also see and hear the calm and relaxing dark-blue sea moving at a slow and therapeutical pace. It was the most romantic moment you ever had and even imagined. You were too focus on the ocean and the brilliant stars above you, that you didn't even notice what was written on the sand: "Will you marry me, Y/N?" was written in huge and well marked letters. This made your heart beat at an incredibly fast pace and your vision to go blurry due to the emotional warm tears that wanted to escape from your eyes.

"Baby, what's all of thi-" when you turned around in hope that the man of your life would explain what was happening at that moment, even tho you knew already, you saw him kneeling instead, looking at you nervously with a small black box on his hands which contained a shining ring inside.

"L/n Y/n, I know I'm not the best lover sometimes due to my emotionless personality, however you liberate a more loving, caring and passionate side of me that I never knew I could have until I met you. I never thought I could be so in love with someone... and to be honest, I didn't even know what was love before I kissed you for the first time. I'm sorry for all the times I made you upset, but I promise I'll be a better person for you. So... will you marry me, my love?" you never saw your boyfriend being so open with his feelings, not even towards you, so you knew this was extremely hard for him and that all what he was saying was the pure truth. Also for the first time you noticed Sang-woo cry in front of you, even though he remained with a neutral facial expression.

Deep inside, you knew he feels a lot, he just used this "mask" to hide his vulnerability and pretend he is emotionless. But with you, he doesn't feel the need to pretend to be strong all the time. And that's when he realized it was you who he was going to marry and spend the rest of his life with.

You couldn't help but cry in front of him, his action caughting you by surprise, in a good sense.

"Of course my love, of course I will marry you!! There is nothing I desire more than to have you as my husband." he smiled until his cheeks started to get sore: this moment was unique and special for both of you. You always made him forget any pain he might feel. He quickly stood up and picked up into his arms, spinning you over and over again until you both felt almost dizzy.

That night was unforgettable for both of you, and now that you had a wedding ring on your finger, you couldn't think about anything else than stepping onto the altar and marry the man of your dreams.

[anucalor]

Mutuals (Onyankopon x Black!Reader)

y/n is a little shy. when she moves back home, her friend mika tries to get her out the house. what better way than to meet mutuals?

warnings: none. shy/nervous reader. fluff.

“Y/N, come on, it’s just a small get-together,” Mikasa mumbles. 

Mika and I have been close friends for years – constantly keeping in touch, even after I moved hours away. Due to my parents receiving better opportunities, they decided it would be best to leave what we had known behind. Through the years, we made sure to check on each other. She was there for the significant moments of my life, and I was there for her. Virtually, of course.  

That was when I was eleven. I’m twenty-three now.  

After I graduated from nursing school, I felt like it was best to return home. I made sure a job and apartment were secure before taking off. Mika was the first person to greet me with open arms. It felt good to be in a familiar place again. It felt good to be home. 

Months have passed, and things have slowly begun to fall into place. Unlike Mikasa, I’m content with how my life is now. It’s consistent - a little lonely sometimes, but it’s consistent. Being the observant person she is, she noticed but never pushed the subject. That was until tonight. 

“I could go, or I could just stay home while you go,” I quipped with a tight smile. 

Mika shook her head at me and responded.    

  “Look, you don’t have to go,” she looked at me, “I just thought you could meet my other friends. They’re chill, and I can guarantee they’ll love you.” I sighed. 

It’s difficult having to meet new people. Having to worry about the possibility of embarrassing myself is not something that I want to do – especially in front of Mika’s friends. From what I’ve heard, they’re all outgoing, quick-witted, and bold. Depending on the situation, I can be a complete nervous wreck. I’d hate for that to happen in front of her friends.  

“I dunno.” I tried to downplay how I felt, but she noticed and sighed. 

“Okay, but you know that I wouldn’t put you in a situation you weren’t comfortable with.” 

Of course, I know that. But even though I thought about going home, something told me that meeting them wouldn’t be too bad. 

I sigh, “I know. When are you thinking about leaving?” 

“In about an hour,” she responded after checking her phone. 

“Would they mind if I joined you?” I asked, not wanting to intrude. 

Mika immediately shook her head. “Nah, they already said it was cool.”  I chuckled at the fact that she had already asked before responding. 

“Alright, Mika. I’ll go.” She gave a small smile and picked up her phone. I presumed to let them know that I would be joining.  

I made my way towards the full-body mirror in her bedroom. After feeling like I looked my best, I sat on her bed and nervously scrolled on my phone. I’ve heard plenty of stories about her friends, but I’ve never thought about meeting them – until tonight. 

About an hour later, she sent me the address and we made our way to one of their houses – I think she said Connie was his name. We pulled up to the apartment at the same time and exited our cars, making sure to lock them both. I made sure to straighten out my clothes before walking around to meet Mika. I looked up and noticed a small smirk on her face. I tilted my head. 

“What?” 

“You’re so nervous,” she states obviously. 

I smack my lips, “Naw, ‘m not nervous at all.” 

Mika just chuckles and starts walking to our destination. 

We got to the door and knocked. After a few seconds, a guy opened the door. He had a buzz cut, freckles, and tattoos all on his arms. He was wearing black sweats and a white tee.  

‘Cute,’ I thought to myself.  

“You gon’ move out the way or what, Constance?” Mika asked. 

‘So, this is Connie.’ 

He just smacks his lips and moves to the side. I follow her inside. 

“I just opened the door. Whatchu on?” He scrunched his face a bit. 

“Yeah, yeah. Where is everybody?”  

“Upstairs,” he said, locking the door behind him. He turns to look at me before a small smirk takes over his features. “You Y/N, right?” he asked softly.  

I give a small smile and ‘mhm.’ 

He walks up to me and offers his hand. “Nice to meet you, mama. I’m Connie.” 

I placed my hand in his and softly shook it. “Nice to meet you.”  

Mika immediately interfered.  

“Aht, aht! Connie cut that shit out. Leave her alone.” 

I chuckled and removed my hand from his.  

“Ass always cockblocking.” He started to lead us upstairs. 

“Please, she wouldn’t talk to you no way.” They bickered so much like siblings that I could only laugh. 

Soon we made our way to the large room which held about seven other people. They immediately acknowledged Mika, but some perked up at the new face. 

“That her?” a guy with emerald eyes and his hair in a man bun asked Mikasa. 

Mika hummed, grabbed my hand, and led us to a spot to sit while introducing me to everyone and them to me.  

Sasha, Armin, Eren, Ymir, Historia, Jean, Connie... 

“...and that’s Onyankopon.”  

“You can call me Ony.” 

We made eye contact, and I could feel my heart flutter. He was dark-skinned with tattoos. He had studs and a chain on with grey sweats and a black shirt. He’s gorgeous, but he looks like the type to play around... I looked away and smiled at everyone, feeling a little more nervous than when I walked in. 

~ 

And just like Mika said, everyone was chill. They all caught onto the fact that I’m pretty shy, but it was easy to make conversation with almost everyone. 

Ony had been pretty caught up in either playing the game with Eren, Connie, and Jean or on the phone. I, of course, wasn’t gonna say anything. Maybe he’s just a quiet guy. 

But what I didn’t notice was the way Ony looked at me when I entered the room – the way he bit his lip for a moment before looking away. I didn't notice the way he studied my features when I had sat down beside Mika, or the way he smirked and went back to the game after we made eye contact. 

I didn’t notice those things, but oh, some people did... 

Armin: You good Ony? 

Connie looked down at his phone and chuckled. 

Con: his ass feelin' Y/N he good 

Ony glanced at his phone and furrowed his brows before typing. 

Ony: Aye chill out 

Jean: Is he wrong tho? 

Eren: Jean stfu and take this L 

Ony: Bruh thank you 

Eren: I didn’t say he was wrong. Speak up 

Ony rolled his eyes and tried to focus on the game, but the sound of a pretty laugh caused him to briefly peer over at me. Connie chuckled. 

  “Damn. You down bad already,” he teased. Ony just shook his head, focusing back on the game. 

After some time, Mika, Ymir, and I stood up.  

    “’m finna get a drink. Y��all want some?” Ymir questioned while walking towards the door. Mika and I followed her but turned around to see if anyone wanted anything. Ony sat his controller down and stood up.  

“Ima come.” 

It took me a second to realize how tall he was– a little over 6’2” and built. I caught myself, trying not to let my eyes linger, and walked out of the room. I could feel his presence close behind me and his amazing scent was beginning to take over my senses. ‘Ain’t no way I’m this down bad,’ is all I could think to myself. 

Once we made our way to the kitchen, I decided to chill by the bar stools while the others raided Connie’s pantry. 

“You want anything, mama?” I looked at Ony and realized that he was asking me. 

“Umm, just water is okay,” I responded with a small smile.  

He turned around to grab a water bottle for me and placed it in front of me. Simple act, right? Cool. 

After grabbing all they wanted, Mika and Ymir started to head back upstairs. I started to walk behind them, but I felt a small tug on my arm. All three of us turned around. 

“We’ll be up there ina minute.” 

I turned back to look at them, but they simply smirked. 

“Okay, Onya,” Ymir quipped before going upstairs. Ony smirked and shook his head. 

“You good?” Mika asked softly. I nodded, and she followed behind Ymir. 

Once they were far enough away, I turned towards Ony and tilted my head, confused as to what he wanted. 

“Just wanted to talk to you, pretty girl,” he started. I narrow my eyes at him slightly and hum. 

 He slid his hand from my arm to my hand and led me to the living room. Once we sat down, Ony looked at me and spoke. 

“So, how long have you known Mika?” he started. 

I gave a content smile. “We’ve been friends for years. A little over ten, I think.” 

He hummed and turned his attention towards the blank tv in front of us.  

“And how long have you guys been friends?” I asked while crossing my legs on the couch. He turned back to me before starting. 

“We met in high school. I had just moved and here, and Connie’s big-headed ass kinda forced me to chill wit’ everyone.” 

I smile, “Yeah?” 

He bit his lip and nodded. “Mhm.” 

I looked down trying to contain a smile before continuing the conversation.  

A few minutes were just spent with us trying to get to know each other – from questions about our past to what it’s like to have a friend group like theirs. Every now and then, Ony would slide in little flirtatious comments, but I was oblivious to them all that he just narrowed his eyes slightly upon realization. Soon after, I asked, “So, be forreal. Why’d you wanna talk to me?” 

Ony chuckled and began manspreading slightly.  

“I mean, shit. You couldn’t tell?” A confused look overtook my features, and I shook my head no. He just looked at me before saying, “I just wanted to see if you was fuckin wit someone.” 

I tilted my head. “If I was talking to someone?” He smiled at that and nodded, “Why?” 

‘Cute,’ he thought to himself before responding. “Because I think you’re beautiful, and I’m tryina see whatchu on.” 

I was slightly caught off-guard by how blunt he was but tried not to show it. 

“So, I’m taking this as you don’t have a girl?” I questioned. His gaze went from playful to slightly serious. 

“If I did, I wouldn’t be here.” I had to look away for a moment, not being used to this undivided attention he was giving me. Ony furrowed his brows before taking his tattooed hand and gently grabbing my jaw to bring my attention back to him. “Uh-uh, mama. Look at me.” 

I looked at him and bit my lip - a nervous habit. He glanced at my lips before licking his own, removing his hand, and smirking. “Let me take you on a date.”  

Before I could respond, I heard some feet coming down the stairs and looked in that direction. It was Mika, Sasha, and Connie. I smiled towards them, trying to make it seem like I’m not a nervous wreck around this man. Sasha smiled, but Connie and Mika knew what type of time Ony was on. 

“You almost ready to head out, N/N?” Mika questioned. I noticed that she had my purse in her hands, just in case.  

“Yeah, gimme just a minute.” She just nodded and walked towards the kitchen with the two following her.  

I turned my attention back to Ony to see that he had already been watching me with soft eyes.  

“So, whatchu think, pretty girl? You gon’ let me take you out?”  

I thought it over for a moment before smiling. “Yeah, Ony. You can.” 

He licked his bottom lip, trying to contain a smile. “Yeah?” 

“Mhm.”  

After we exchanged numbers, we stood up from the couch. He then wrapped his arms around my waist, and I wrapped mine around his neck. This was a feeling I could get used to. 

“Ima text you soon, mama. Okay?” he mumbled in my ear. 

“I gotchu,” I tried to contain my smile as we pulled away.  

We both walked to the kitchen where Sasha and Connie were bickering and Mika was just watching, shaking her head. She was the first to see us come in and started to stand up. 

“You ready?”  

I nodded and grabbed my purse from her before turning to the remaining three. 

“It was nice meeting yall,” I expressed softly with a smile.  

“You, too, pretty,” Sasha came up to hug me while whispering, “Make sure you come back, yeah?” 

I hugged her back. “Just let me know when, and I gotchu.” 

Once we made our way outside, Mika immediately asked me what was up with Ony. 

“Well, you should know that Ony doesn’t really fuck around like that,” she stated wholeheartedly. 

I stopped walking and looked at her. “You forreal? Because ion wanna get involved with him and get screwed over.” 

Mika stopped and looked at me with an intense gaze. “The reason I stopped Connie earlier was because I know how he is. Onya won’t do that. Damn near against his character,” she tried to make light of the situation, “Trust when I say, you’re good.” 

I smiled, exhaling a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Mika saw the effect her words had on me and hugged me. “Just take it slow. He’ll show you wussup,” was her advice. 

“Say less.” 

We separated from one another and finally made our way towards our cars. Once I got in and shut my door, I started my car and made my way home. After walking inside, I locked the door and went straight to the shower. I stayed in a little longer than intended, thinking about tonight’s events – from meeting new people to getting asked on a date. It all felt fast. Maybe I just needed to sleep.  

I shut off the water and began getting ready for bed. It was almost two in the morning before I laid down and heard a small ‘ping!’ from my phone. I looked over to see that it was Ony who texted.  

Ony: Any plans this Friday, pretty?  

I smile before typing, feeling a little hopeful. I guess we’ll just have to wait till then. 

________

ahh. i hope it wasn't too bad. i haven't written anything ina HOT minute. this is a new platform for me. so hopefully it'll be cool. i hope yall enjoy <3 please forgive the mistakes!

[torialefay]

❤️‍🔥 Mercury in Libra 🪫

bangchan as your boyfriend series!!! (pt 5)

(based on astrology) 🔞

✨bangchan x reader (f); angsty sad times, little fluff if you try

✨word count: ~3.1k

✨5th and final part in chan’s astrology series!!! together, let’s take a look into chan’s natal chart to see what type of boyfriend he would be!

✨i will give a brief synopsis of what each chart placement means throughout the series (for all my non-astrology friends out there <3) and how that would affect channie in a relationship

✨ author’s notes:

(1) i do brief compatibility readings w/ skz members! if interested, send your natal chart to my inbox, as well as which member you’d like me to read for OR if i think there is one member best suited to you <3

(2) the aspects in this reading are based solely on my opinions and interpretations! nothing about a person is set in stone simply because of astrology. please don’t use anything i say as canon :)

✨warnings: sad plot, theme of unfaithfulness, occasional cursing

✨tl/dr: chan is a loverboy who gets caught up in flirting when he doesn’t even know he’s flirting. then he ends up a blubbering mess.

Mercury in Libra:

-Mercury is the planetary ruler of communication and intellect. It shows how you connect with others throughout everyday life, just in speaking with them. It can also tell you a lot about how you relate to others and interpret the information they give you.

-Libra is a cardinal sign, meaning that people who are in this placement REALLY live by the aspects associated with that placement- in other words, chan is likely to hold very true to these values.

-Libra is the sign of love, beauty, charm, and balance. Libra in Mercury has a few key traits when it comes to communication. They are natural charmers and can instantly make people like them simply by talking with them. Libras are very good at placating to what others want, so they can speak to you in a way that they tell you what you want to hear. Libras also love beauty, so they many times will have an elegant way of speaking or cute quirks and mannerisms. Lastly, Libras value harmony and balance, so most likely their communication style will either (1) mimic yours, or (2) counter yours to be able to reach a happy medium.

-Long story short: Mercury in Libra people are sweet talkers who can charm anyone they meet, make them feel special, and meet them at the communication level that they are in. HOWEVER, the downside to Libra in Mercury is that they do not like confrontation- so they are likely going to avoid any conversations that could disrupt the peace between them and that person.

As your boyfriend:

• Chan always supports you exactly how you need him to.

◦ Had a bad day? He understands, come lay on him and talk about it.

◦ Upset over a test score? Scores are stupid, he’s gonna buy you ice cream and let you rant about how ridiculous it was.

◦ Got into a yelling match with a close friend? Hold his hands and talk him through it. He wants to know how he can help.

• He adapts to what you need in that moment- if you need someone to listen, he will sit there with an open ear. If you need advice on what to do, he will analyze every option and patiently walk you through what he thinks is best.

• If you get really frustrated or angry over something, he will 100% come up behind you and bear hug you, shaking you around until you give in and put a smile on your face.

• “Come here and talk to me,” he says, pulling you down to sit on his lap.

• He loves talking about deep things with you, like the meaning of life. It makes him feel so lucky to have such a smart significant other.

• He stares at you in awe as you talk about things you’re passionate about. Even if he genuinely doesn’t care about the topic, he holds on to every word, thinking of how cute you are in this moment.

• He remembers every little story you tell him about your childhood. When you bring up a long-gone aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc., he says “Oh, the one you told me about who ___?” You always smile at how he remembers these little things.

• Chan knows that you’re mad. He ALWAYS knows.

• He can tell in the way that you don’t instinctively turn your knees towards him in the car and when you don’t automatically reach for his hand when you walk next to him.

• He may not know why you’re mad, but he does know that you are.

• What he has a really hard time with is addressing it.

• He’s been trying for days to make up for it- whatever it is.

• Every day, he starts with “Good morning beautiful.” And every night, he finishes with “Good night princess.” Making sure you didn’t feel unloved.

• He’s been doing extra housework- cooking, cleaning, finishing up odd jobs you’d asked about a month ago. Could that be it?

• He’s been putting his foot down at work, leaving every night 5 PM to make sure he gets to spend the evenings with you. Maybe that’s what this is about- maybe you just missed spending time with him.

• Chan doesn’t know what’s wrong, and nothing he’s done so far has changed anything.

• He was hoping that his efforts would change your attitude toward him, or even make you forget about it, but he just couldn’t understand why you weren’t letting up. Why you weren’t letting him in as closely as you once had. Why things were so good, but now they are so different.

• All he knows now is that he is hopelessly in love with you, but it seems like you don’t feel the same anymore.

• You both sat together on the couch for a while. You thought Chan wouldn’t notice as you slowly inched yourself away from him, more slowly as the minutes passed.

• But he knew. He tried to reason that something was wrong. He didn’t want to push for an answer yet for fear of learning one that he wished he wouldn’t have.

• You continued to scroll on your phone, mind-numbingly on the ‘X’ app. This was a habitual routine, but one you decided you needed to break.

• There were a lot of great posts on there, but there was a lotttt about your boyfriend on there as well. One more unwanted post you knew would send you into a spiral.

• But you couldn’t help yourself. You had to know.

• You scrolled through the hashtag on the app. “#bangchan” splayed across the search bar.

• Cute photos and gifs. Adorable collages. Sexy TikTok edits. The usual. It took you probably 10 minutes of scrolling before you found something that got you ticked off again.

• ‘Every goddamn time,’ you thought, as your scoffed and rolled your eyes. You stared down at the video playing on the phone, as if this was the first one you’d ever seen.

• The caption of the video:

“how cute is #bangchan looking flirting with #fem/idol 😭🥰”.

• You focused on the interaction on the screen. There was Chan at the award show last night, leaning in and whispering something into fem/idol’s ear. When he pulled back, he looked down at her with a big smile, and you could see her reciprocate by blushing intensely and batting her eyelashes back up at him. You watched as he continued to talk for a few moments, laughing and offering up big hand gestures before saying goodbye, making sure to fully catch her eyes and bow as he went.

• You quickly scrolled underneath to the comment section, hoping that someone would say something- anything- to make you feel better.

◦ “God I wish he would look at me that way 🤭”

◦ “omfg she’s so pretty id def have chan’s reaction too”

◦ “Crying 😭😭 When do you think they’ll announce that they’re together? ❤️”

• You swiped out of the app entirely, shutting your phone off afterwards and placing it in your lap. You continued to stare down at the black screen until you felt tears start to well up in your eyes.

• You quickly tried to blink them away, but you couldn’t help it. This was the third time THIS week that you’d seen him do shit like this. Smiling, blushing, and heavily complimenting one girl, helping another fix her shoe, and now this. Before, you could reason it away- chuck it up to him just being a “nice guy.” But you couldn’t keep doing that forever.

• You always saw the comments people left under the videos about how cute they would be together and how Chan would be the perfect boyfriend.

• ‘But little do they know,’ you thought as you sighed.

• You turned your legs along with your body fully toward the other side of the couch, opposite of where Chan was. You looked a bit ridiculous facing the other way, but you didn’t care. You didn’t want to see his face. You couldn’t stand to.

• You let your mind wonder, repeating the video in your head. The way he looked at her and the way she looked back.

• ‘Am I stupid?… Have I been stupid this whole time?…’

• You thought back to when you first decided to make things official with him, and how you both agreed that it would be easier to not publicize the relationship. You didn’t want anyone coming in the way of what you have together.

• ‘Was that my first mistake? So he can date me in secret and go out and flirt with any other idol he wants?’

• Your mind drifted to each other interaction you’d seen with him. You had make excuses time and time before. But it hurt to see him like this. Your OWN boyfriend talking to another girl the way that he SHOULD be seen talking to you.

• You couldn’t help yourself as one tear escaped. Then two, then three. Before you knew it, there was a release of waterworks all down your face. Your mind got the best of you as you started sobbing into your hands, burying your face into the side of the couch. There was nothing you could do to stop yourself.

• “Baby?” Chan called. His response was met only with more tears.

• “Baby, what is it? What’s wrong?” he asked, scooting his whole body next to yours to hold your back.

• “Get off of me!” you lashed out. He looked confused for a moment, but released his grip from you.

• “Honey, please talk to me. What’s wrong?” he asked, genuine sadness on his face.

• Hearing him call you pet names, all while pulling shit like he just had, completely set you off. “Don’t call me that.” You straightened back up in your seat, slightly turning toward him, not daring to look him in the face.

• “Don’t call you what?”

• “Honey, baby, whatever. You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

• “Y/n, what is going on? Seriously?” He placed his face in front of yours and used his hands to move your shoulders around to face him. This is the first time he could see how red and puffy your face had become. He felt like a piece of him had broken off just looking at you.

• “What’s going on?” you cried. “I don’t know Chris, why don’t you tell me what’s going on.” You quickly unlocked your phone, the video still open on it. You dropped the phone down to him as you stood, then taking a couple of steps to get some distance.

• He watched the video, moving his head around as if he was studying it. He replayed it a couple of times, then turned it intently, like he was looking for a hidden message. But he could find none. He furrowed his brow, then looked back up at you with a stare of confusion.

• You scoffed. “Okay. So you see nothing wrong with that?”

• “With what? Talking to another girl?!”

• “FLIRTING with another girl, Christopher! Flirting!… I’m not stupid! This is the THIRD video I’ve seen like this in a week. Do you know how humiliating it feels to have to see you, who was supposed to be the love of my life, out here flirting with all these other idols THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA.. AND THEN having people comment on top of it about how you two would be ‘just the cutest couple ever’! Do you have any idea how that feels?!”

• You saw him get a tinge of sadness in his eyes, but you cut him off before he could speak.

• “No, you know what? I KNOW you don’t know how this feels. Because I would NEVER think to look at another man the way that I look at you.. So you know what!? If you’re that interested in other girls, you can go for it! By alllll means, don’t let me stop you!” You could feel steam coming off of yourself.

• You didn’t even want to hear what he had to say, you just wanted to get out of there. He could have his idol life. Do whatever the fuck he wanted. He had you fooled for a while, but now you saw him for who he was. A liar. Wants his cake and eats it too. But not with you anymore.

• You turned on your heels to leave, thinking you’d go ahead and pack an overnight bag to head out. As you took your first step, you felt a grasp and a tug on your wrist in the opposite direction.

• You stumbled back, feeling him cling to your hand, then pull the top of your body slightly as he stood himself up. By the time he settled, he had you back facing right in front of him with your one hand in his.

• “Y/n, please don’t say that. Please, just listen to me,” he begged, eyes bigger than you’d ever seen them.

• “Listen to what? Listen to you explain how it’s okay to flirt while you’re in a relationship?”

• “That wasn’t flirting!”

• “Oh really, then what do you call that?!”

• “I was just being nice! I thought-” his voice cracked, tears starting to well up in his eyes. “I thought I was-“ he hung his head to the side. “I thought I was being nice!” He looked so defeated.

• And just like that, he started sobbing. Tears were streaming down his face like you’d never seen before. So powerful, they left visible marks even on his black shirt. He kept trying to get words out through his cries.

• ”Baby, I- I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” he cried. “I didn’t know it would come across like that… I would NEVER,” he genuinely could not contain himself as he strained to get the words out. “I would NEVER do that to you! I could never think of someone else like that.”

• Teardrops kept trickling down as he reached to grab your other hand into his. “I love you- only you! I could never flirt with someone else! But the fact that I made you feel like that- that that’s what it looked like to you…” he couldn’t even see anymore with the water flowing out of himself. “I am just so sorry… Y/n I’m so sorry! Please, please believe me.” He was getting choked now. His face was red like he was about to pass out from lack of air.

• You stood still, not knowing yet what to believe or what to say.

• “Baby please! Please,” he took your face in his hands, feeling of the few stray tears on your own face. “Please. I love you. Please don’t shut me out. I thought I was just being nice and I- I-… I’ve..” he huffed, struggling to get out what he wanted to say. “I’ve done the last thing I ever wanted to do. I would never intentionally hurt you, do you understand me?!” He tried his best to look into your eyes. All you could see were tears weeping out, redness shooting in all directions, and a look of absolute brokenness. “I promise I never meant to come across that way. I thought I was just being nice to her, that is ALL. YOU are the only person I care about. No one else means anything to me. Without you, I am NOTHING. Please baby, please listen to me. Please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything to make this right.”

• He continued to wail as he brought his arms around your body, resting his head on the side of yours. His tears began to soak down into your hair. There was still nothing you could say. I mean, what could you say? Your boyfriend was notorious for being a charming guy… But knowing that didn’t make this situation any easier.

• “Please baby,” he rubbed your head as he plead. “Please just tell me how to fix it and I will. I don’t want you to ever feel that way again.” You felt the water from his eyes now drench your hair entirely. “I PROMISE if you show me what I’m doing wrong, I will never do it again. I promise I will be perfect for you. Just tell me how. I will do ANYTHING! I am BEGGING, y/n!”

• He stood there, holding you as tightly as he could while cradling your head and trying to quieten his sobs. He waited for you to give him some sort of response. Good, bad, ANYTHING was better than nothing. He felt his heart physically break inside his chest when you remained silent, not even motioning to begin getting a word out.

• He slowly pulled his face away from your hair, coming up to face directly into you one last time. His whole face was swollen, pink cheeks now extended into a pink nose and pink ears, streaks of both new and old teardrops going in every direction.

• “Y/n please,” he begged. “Just tell me something… Anything.” He felt like the floor could drop from under him any moment. A gnawing pit formed in his stomach that he felt was going to jump out of his throat while waiting to hear you.

• You stood still for another moment, moving your eyes down and contemplating what you could even say at this point. Your emotions were so mixed.

• “I love you so much. Please know that,” tears still in his eyes, he leaned down to kiss you. It was wet and you could feel the desperation in the intensity he moved his lips over yours. You leaned into it the slightest bit, giving him most minute sense of hope. He clung onto the kiss with everything he could, throwing his lips further into yours before you felt the tears start to slowly separate you again. He pulled his lips off of yours with violent hesitancy.

• He whispered now, as if he didn’t want anyone else in the world to hear him. “Please teach me what you want. Say the word, and I will do it...” small tears now were the only ones coming out. “I would give up everything for you, y/n. Money, fame, anything. Please just teach me what you want…. Please-” he cried, “please don’t leave me.”

• wellll, I’ll let you decide what your fate is with chan 🤭 to forgive or not to forgive?

• ohhh the world of a mercury in libra

——————————————————————————————

If you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging <3

[youthnighttarot]

Baddie Check (Good qualities about you)🫦💋💄💅🏾

Tarot Reading

Pile 1

Pile 2 Pile 3

🔮 Welcome to my tumblr!! I’m 🔮youthnighttarot🤗

Things to know

💜This is for entertainment purposes only and, not to be taken seriously

💜Take what resonates leave the rest

💜All feedback is welcomed as longs as it’s respectful

✨Take a breath before you choose your pile

Pile 1

Tarot cards pulled: 10oS, 8oP (rv), 10oW

Oracle cards: Edward VIII (story may resonate with you watch a documentary) Lover card

First things first when I was shuffling I was supposed to say clear the energy ended up saying clear the check. So maybe you be clearing this check pile 1 because you a baddie that’s about their money!! Ok I’m not sure if you know this yet but you are a sex fiend….not like in the addiction sense just the energy that you give off. It’s like that girl/boy could rock my world. You’re also really goofy like you be playin LMFAOAOAOA frfr.

You may have been betrayed in the past or backstabbed by someone who you worked with. They weren’t putting in any work and, you had to constantly take the brunt/bulk of the work. This could have overwhelmed you and even strained your creativity but you came out on top. With the 10oS this woman has knives all in her back but she’s focused on her phone. You may not be as nonchalant but, you don’t give basic bottom barrel hoes energy and time they don’t deserve.

You’ve been through dark times and felt overwhelmed by creative project or just in general. You may have lacked motivation within your career or in regards to money/stability. People see this and view you as resilient and strong. You are that girl/guy because you never let this betrayal or malicious gossip make you skip a beat. You can carry a lot but that doesn’t mean that you should have to, though this is part of your hood qualities. It can easily become a bad habit if you let it get out of hand. You may have an online social media business and you are thriving but need time to rest. This is also what makes you a baddie you will work your ass off and rest just as hard. (Yesssss pile 1 can you help me out with that)

Extra

💅🏾A king is nothing without the woman he loves

💅🏾Make your own kingdom and choose your own family….I feel you go by this mantra 🕉️

💅🏾Your very luxurious

💅🏾You’re a good lover because you don’t rely on lies or rose colored glasses, trying to be the next Edward and Bella like it’s a movie. You take it seriously and are logical/reall about what a relationship entails

Pile 2

Tarot cards pulled: 7oC (rv), Judgement, the hanged man (rv)

Oracle cards: Gala Dalí, one eye open one eye closed

One of your good qualities great I should even say, is that everything good that comes in your life comes in 2s, 3s, or 4s. You have a lot of abundance surrounding yourself. Something regarding the eye of Horus is significant here. Ok some of the good qualities about you pile 2 is that you have a kind nature but you also know how to cut through bullshit. You are not one of those people floating through life and allowing things to happen to you versus for you.

You are quite a decisive person especially in matters relating to heart and emotions. You may be disconnected from certain religious ideals and people can view you as a hedonist. (Chile🙄) simply because you don’t always comply but little do they know spirit is divinely protecting you. You’re not emotionally unbalanced you feel how you feel no matter how hard someone tries to sway you.

You may not be spiritually bound to any particular religion and this scares people.

You could be a witch/high priestess for some of you. You’re just you and you don’t try to be anyone else but you. (Purr 🐈) So people could celebrate you or even look up to you many ones. (Archangel Micheal, Raphael, and Azriel are looking after you have a lot of power on your spirit team) (Yemaya and Oya for some of my Yoruba gyals) (Nana Asee for my Akan gyals shout out) (Aphrodite and Cupid?) (Freya and Odin) You have uncertainties sometimes but you’re emotions never cloud your judgment. You understand what it means to be in tune as you should!! You may have been spiritually inclined always but repressed for others peace of minds.

Extra

💅🏾 It is by being in the shadow that one emits the most light…you truly believe this and this way of thinking has greatly benefited you

💅🏾You used to constantly be looking over your shoulder or you just didn’t trust easily

💅🏾You no longer jump the gun, or assume you know someone’s nature until you see it in its truest form

Pile 3

Tarot cards pulled: 9oW, The Magician (rv), The hermit (rv)

Oracle cards: Marilyn Monroe, Magic is being used (rv)

So you know when to take time out for yourself first of all pile 3. You can sense when someone is trying to manipulate or play the con-game with you. You also know how to get people to do exactly what you want but, you don’t maliciously take advantage of people rather suggest. You take time to yourself in order to pondering your actions or how other people actions led up to your actions. So you may avoid it happening again at all cost. You are a dreamer. Again I’m getting your not afraid to reflect on your wrong doings…you take accountability.

You’re a person who knows when to shut social media off. You have no aspirations to chance fame/notoriety it just happens for you. You’re not caught up in trying to be a baddie you just simply want to be you. That is as all nothing less. Some of you could have some sort of connection to gypsies or Eastern European culture?

You believe in divinity and equality, you dress nicely as well. You know how to stand up for yourself by saying no…you are not afraid of sitting with yourself or your thoughts. You’ve traveled (physically or mentally) long and far in order to get to this point in your life. You have the emotions, the career skills, and the mindset to wether any storm. You are not deceptive but can sense deceptions easily.

Extra

💅🏾Never pick stability over a good time…at first I was like 🤔but what I got is that you don’t just choose something because it will bring you finances or wealth you choose to do something or be with someone because it makes you happy

💅🏾You don’t use spells and magic on people to get them to like you they just do

💅🏾Whatever story that people have in mind for you, you say to hell with and continue to be yourself

Call me beep me if you wanna reach me🔮📱

💟 @youthnighttarot ~ tumblr

Email~ youthnighttarot1111@gmail.com

💟 youthnighttarot1111 ~ PATREON EXCLUSIVES

[yuseirra]

(Probably my final analysis about this guy unless something new comes up) There is a reason why Kamiki must be a god from a thematic perspective.

+prediction: This manga's ending can be really unhinged lol

I haven't encountered any spoilers regarding the ramaining chapters and if I get sent ANY, I WILL block you. No prior warnings. I was too tormented by those earlier. I don't deserve that for having cared for hikaai..(But if I get anything right.. You may o<-<.. Ohh I have so many love-hate relationship w this comic.. I guess I'll be able to get over with this whole nervousness soon one way or the other)

Jotted this down earlier, used machine translator haha ;v;

To elaborate, I think there are two remaining ways to handle this character. One is to treat him delicately (but considering the limited chapters left, this seems almost out of the question; everyone keeps saying he's dead and it's over, and it upsets me. I don’t think that way. I’m not even sure if he’s actually dead, yet everyone seems so certain he is, and it’s depressing. Wouldn't that be a really bad outcome? It’s not about liking the character; it just feels so unfair to both the readers and the character if the story goes in that direction. Just brushing him off as a villain would be too shallow, and I don't think it would make for a good story. But everyone else seems to have given up... Should I give up too? Would the author make such a choice? I’m sorry, but I really don’t think they'd finish this story so sloppily after getting this far. If so, I’d say I could put more effort into writing about him, but I don’t want to speak like this about someone else’s precious work.)

The other option is to treat him as a "fallen god" like the title suggests, glossing over some details. This way, they can maintain some narrative consistency without devoting much chapter space to him. There are actually a lot of hints regarding this (for example, if we assume he actually killed a lot of people, it could explain why no bodies were ever found... Like, we might get a news story in the next chapter about hundreds of bodies being discovered in the mountains because the power that concealed them vanished after his death (which would be terrifying. Then I’d be left baffled & wondering again, what kind of person was Ai really involved with?;; why the heck did the writers make her love such a guy?? I explained how this could work in a way IF he's a god in my earlier posts)).

Looking at the broader scope of the work, if we try to understand what the story is aiming to convey, there’s a clear significance to the character.

If they want to bury several dark aspects of the entertainment industry in him and just decide he is the reason behind it all, then he can't just be an ordinary person.

Seriously, Ai wouldn't have died for this kind of reason if she wasn't a celebrity. Nino and Ryosuke, these deranged individuals, wouldn’t have meddled in her private life and family matters, claiming that she must be the perfect idol, that she can't have a boyfriend or children, chasing her down, and trying to kill her if she weren't one. Many of Ai’s miseries stemmed from her being an idol, where her individuality was not accepted, and this isn’t a problem that can be resolved by simply taking down one madman—it’s connected to societal perceptions. To write this off as being Kamiki’s fault doesn’t even seem possible to me. That's not just simply bad writing, it's irresponsible and harmful. So I don't see the writers making such a choice. They're smart people.

Even if Kamiki harbored resentment after breaking up with his girlfriend, Ai wouldn't have been harmed if she wasn’t a celebrity. Nino even mentioned that Kamiki only talked about Ai. If Ai had been a regular person, what he did probably would have just him reminiscing about her as an ex-girlfriend. Seriously. Does this really make sense for it to believe that Kamiki orchestrated Ai’s murder? There should be a better reason. Otherwise, it’s just Nino and Ryosuke being unhinged, right? Wasn't Kamiki a minor in middle or high school at the time? I doubt he would have directly ordered anyone to kill Ai. Does he seem like someone who would harm Ai deliberately? If that were the case, why wouldn’t he have sought revenge immediately after the breakup? Why wait four whole years? Why? Even if he had anger and resentment (which I believe he did not...this guy never blames Ai.)would die down a lot within that much timespan. Honestly, I have no idea. Considering about the major event at time being Ai's dome concert, I plain think he'd have intended to send flowers through a friend to congratulate her about it, but then the accident happened. Ai’s comment that “our kids are smart and will understand our situation” suggests they weren’t completely out of touch. Maybe Ai told him where she was, which is why he knew about the hospital on her delivery day. Just WHY would he harm her? He's been throwing away his entire life away for a cause related to her for over a decade after she's deceased!! He never wanted to hurt her!!

Going back to the point, if his character isn’t going to be given proper focus (but considering they even brought in a famous voice actor for him, wouldn’t he be more significant than just a side character?), then it would make more sense for him to be a god. That way, he can absorb the societal context surrounding him. Like, he was originally a divine guardian of the entertainment world, but he became corrupted and fell into madness because of humanity. And there are plenty of odd situations and foreshadowing that can only be explained this way... His unique connection with Ai, the intensity of his attachment—it wouldn’t need further explanation, because there’s a narrative that exists beyond the story itself. If he’s treated as just a person, he holds no symbolic value and is merely a broken-minded individual—a mere psychopath. What would that contribute to the story? It shouldn’t go that way. It wasn’t until Chapter 154 that I realized, “Ah... This guy wasn’t supposed to be the culprit.” I just kept following along from there. If the story has a message to convey, it needs to address this. I can see where it's headed, and it’s frustrating, so I just want it to show a bit more! And then they say the story is ending soon. I think the most pressing need for the story now is to resolve its thematic elements.

I can think of about three or four scenarios for how this manga might end. Remember Chapter 156-7 or so, where Aqua and Ruby have that conversation? That chapter is narratively ominous. After reading that, I thought this story might end as a vision flashing before the eyes of two dying people. Like, “You had fun, didn’t you? This kind of life wasn’t so bad, right?” If that chapter is any indication, it’s not impossible that the entire story has been a well-constructed stage, all fiction! That chapter gave me a weird vibe, so I mentioned that the author might craft an ending that over 70% of the readers would dislike in a post once.

If it takes a really bold direction, it could end like that.

Or it could go with a more conventional ending. But this story, since Chapter 1, has been talking about how “everything is fiction, the world is fiction, and it hopes for good lies.” I think something that ties back to that concept will come up at the end.

And the last scenario is an ending that tries to hold onto some deeper meaning (but that doesn’t rule out an Aqua-Ruby flashback ending... lol. They could try to maintain meaning even with that or fulfill Aqua’s dreams of going to medical school and ending up with Kana~~).

Honestly... Even with four chapters left, I’d like them to dedicate like two of them to Kamiki. If we’re talking about liars, he’s as much of a liar as Ai, but he hasn’t been highlighted at all. Is becoming like Ruby supposed to be ideal? I haven’t been convinced of that... If this story wants to say something meaningful about the entertainment industry, it should address the lies required by idols and actors alike.

Wrap up Aqua’s story in one or two chapters, give Kana a happy ending (Kana’s been through a lot in the narrative), even if Aqua and Ruby don’t find happiness, I think Kana should at least find some fulfillment. MEM-cho will do fine, and Akane’s smart, so she’ll be okay.

Kamiki and Ai deserve about half of the remaining focus, thematically speaking. Even if Kamiki ends up being too far gone and deserves to rot in hell, we should at least understand who he really was. Ai’s true feelings were revealed, but Kamiki never got that chance... He never had a real opportunity to be happy, either. To me, he’s more of a person who was pushed to the brink and went mad rather than someone purely evil, so I can’t stop thinking about him. There’s a reason the story was written this way, and I want it to show that. There's someone broken and hit and hurt, but no one's taking responsibility for it. Is that right? Is that what you call justice? I don't think so. It gets on my nerves. I knew that he was a noble soul before they even brought that up. He used to be kind but something pushed him so far. A good story should show what broke him.

The recent chapters have been intriguing but not particularly substantive, mostly dropping hints without much resolution, given the remaining chapters. Can they really tie everything up? I have my doubts.

I just want the story to hold onto its meaning, regardless of the characters’ fates. That’s my hope. For me, this piece is about the message. I really wish it gives out a good one. I’ll keep quiet now; I really hate being wrong—

Did I figure out what this manga is trying to convey? If I have- I hope it goes in that direction. I do have an idea. It’s still possible, after all.

[olympeline]

Been thinking about why I found Arthur in the Dark so impressive and it made me realise something kinda significant. Something significant that I’m going to put under a read more because it revolves around a heavy subject. So I wouldn’t advise looking beyond the cut if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing.

Less important, but everything below is a big spoiler and, guys seriously. If you like USUK and can handle darker fiction - no pun intended - give AitD a try. Don’t spoil yourself here. Go try it first and then come back if you’re interested. Try it if you’re neutral on USUK. Or, heck, even if USUK is a ship you dislike but isn’t an outright NOTP. I’d still recommend checking out this comic. Arthur in the Dark is still worth a read in my opinion. It’s that good. But enough gushing. Read on for the meat of this post.

Ready? Here we go: Arthur in the Dark has one of the best depictions of rape I’ve ever seen in a piece of media. “Best” as in most skillfully crafted for narrative purposes. Honestly and truly. Not even kidding. Which is kind of amazing considering it’s a depiction that came from a fan comic based on a jokey, anime gag series. Why do I feel this way? A couple of reasons:

Firstly, the rape in AitD is frighteningly, tragically realistic. Something the majority of fictional rapes are not. We tend to think of rape as taking place in a dark alley in the inner city. Stereotyping up a scene of a bottom feeder, criminal man dragging a (young, attractive) woman away to violate her. They’re usually total strangers and it’s always violent. These kind of rapes do happen, but statistics tell us they’re the minority. The majority of rapes happen like the one in AitD did: between two people who know each other well. Friends, romantic couples, even family members, make up the bulk of rapists and their victims.

Most narratives prefer the less common type of rape. Usually because the creator doesn’t want to tell a story about rape. Not really. What they want is a gut-punch to add easy drama and darkness to their creation. The sliding scale of “irredeemable bad guy” roughly goes: murderer → cold blooded torturer → rapist → child rapist. Making a villain a rapist is one of the worst things he - because 99% of the time it’s a he - can be. Conversely having a character be raped gains them instant sympathy because people are moral and empathetic creatures at heart. Most creators know this and throw in a rape for the shorthand: “Look how evil our villain is!” Which often makes the rape and its aftermath feel artificial. In no small part because the rapist characters, by virtue of being written to be the worst of the worst, don’t come off as very human. They can’t be when their main purpose is to be loathed by the audience. I could go on because there’s tons more to unpack about rape in fiction, but you get the point.

The rape in AitD isn’t like that. America and England know and love each other. Their relationship is complicated (oh boy, is it ever!) but that part of it is never in doubt. They’re each other’s most treasured person and have been for centuries. They’re not a duo made up of a flat, hate bait, villain on a collision course with their victim. Who’s doomed to suffer and be pitied until the creator decides the audience has had enough of their trauma and shuts it away so the story can move on. America and England are two people living together, going through a period of immense change and stress, trying to manage as best they can, and sometimes getting it very wrong. From a narrative point of view, this makes what happens between them so much better and so much more upsetting at the same time.

Which brings me nicely to reason number two of why this particular rape works: the build up. Like everything else in AitD, America raping England is carefully planned out and set up. The chocolate bar scene, man. Brilliant, I have to say. Alarming, uncomfortable, and brilliant. The scene in the garden is not just sprung on the reader for a jarring “Oh no! Oh shit-!” moment. If your typical under written rape is a cheap jump scare, the rape in AitD is a carefully crafted slowburn dread. Early on we start to become aware we’re building to something bad. From the foreshadowing, the art, the atmosphere, etc. We just know a storm is coming. It’s done without America acting OOC too, which is very important. It’s how he can come back from what he did. Something that would be impossible if the author didn’t handle this setup well. America’s actions aren’t right, but they are understandable. That’s the crucial distinction. The psychology of the whole thing is so very well done. America was in love with England and had been for a long time. The guilt he felt tormented him because of what their relationship was in the past. Caught between his human side and his immortal one. The guilt helped keep America in check because he didn’t want England seeing the lustful way he’d begun to look at him. Then they started living together and England was suddenly vulnerable. Vulnerable in more ways than America was aware. Which is another vital detail of how the creator keeps America sympathetic, but more on that in a moment. England willingly went blind so he wouldn’t have to see when America - the man grown from the child he raised - looked at him with lust. The guilt America felt peaked, only to clash with the realisation that he could freely indulge in his fantasies. Indulge and push (again, chocolate bar scene) now the usual moral restraint - England seeing his desire - was removed.

Meanwhile, England himself felt that same guilt but his was also laced with panic and despair. He didn’t want to lose or strain his relationship with the most important person of his centuries long life. Pulled between human standards of morality and the very inhuman existence of nation-people. Incidentally the clash between their existence as humans, while also being something more than human, is brilliantly done in AitD. It’s something that’s hard to get right - especially involving such taboo topics - but Hotama nails it. USUK usually handwaves the implications around England raising America, but here it’s made part of the narrative. Part of the tragedy, part of the resolution. Good stuff. Anyway, England begged Arthur to take his sight away so he wouldn’t have to see the way America looked at him. Then banished Arthur back into the dark in an attempt to run away from his problems. But without Arthur - without his strength - England couldn’t stand up to America when he needed to. Not that America was aware of any of this because he never knew about Arthur. Which brings me to point three: nuance of blame.

“Blame” is a very loaded word in this context, so I’ll do my best to talk about this carefully. Rape in the media is almost always black and white. Absolutely evil, irredeemable rapist. Absolutely blameless, sympathetic victim. But real life isn’t always that simple. Obviously the rapist is always the perpetrator and the one most in the wrong. I need to make that very clear. But the scene in AitD illustrates that sometimes a victim could have done more to help themselves. Not always, but sometimes. This is a delicate subject so I hope you understand I’m not trying to victim blame. Just saying that rape, like all crimes, doesn’t always deal in absolutes. Unlike media, real life is often complicated and tragic. Good people can give in to temptation. Be weak, do bad things, or allow those bad things to happen. England told America to stop, but failed to follow it up when needed. When America pushed for more and used England’s own words to argue he’d already been given consent, that was when England needed to push back. Interpretation comes in here but, personally, I think if England had told America to stop when prompted, America would have. But England didn’t and he gave in instead. Something America took as a tacit “yes.” Again, not right, but understandable in how it could happen. Their power imbalance had grown extreme, stress and feelings were running high, they were struggling to connect as they used to, England’s prior cowardice and separation from Arthur prevented him from being strong when he needed to be, America was ignorant of his problem, and it all came together in a horrible, tragic mistake. All throughout, the rape continued to be brilliantly, awfully realistic. America not noticing - either genuinely or from denial - that England was not enjoying what was happening. England quickly becoming too distracted by the pain to do anything other than focus on enduring it. Then the aftermath where America didn’t realise what he’d just done due to coming down from a post-sex, post-stress euphoria. Awful, miserable, horrifying, tragic, perfectly crafted scene.

Which brings me to my final reason why this comic impressed me in its depiction of rape: where the story goes from there. Where it goes and how the narrative builds from the rape instead of trying to move on because the “shocking” part is over and now we’re in diminishing returns. Going back to my first point, too many stories see rape as something that happens in an isolated part of the narrative. It happened, it was shocking and brutal, now it’s done and we can move on because we didn’t plan to interweve the rape with the rest of the story. So we won’t give it the weight it needs. At best the victim might get a few scenes expressing their trauma later on - maybe a callback or two - but that’s it. It’s shallow. Plenty of fictional rapes could be replaced with a savage beating and nothing would change. In the worst cases you could remove the rape, not replace it with anything, then run the story with minimal problems. Not so in AitD. There, the rape isn’t just another semi-important plot point. It’s a crucial one which couldn’t be replaced with anything else. The whole first part of the story, the engine of the narrative, is built around America and England failing to deal with their changing relationship. A relationship between a pair of humans who also happen to be strange, immortal beings that ordinary humans can’t understand. Changing from platonic/familial to romantic over hundreds of years. With romance comes lust. Lust can be perfectly healthy just like any other bodily appetite. In this case it became twisted by circumstance, and the only “suitable” narrative payoff was rape. Nothing else would have had the necessary impact.

Then there’s how the rape compares to the final sex scene in some classic narrative juxtaposition. The final sex scene which happens to be the only one in the comic that’s fully consensual on both sides. The one that goes beyond sex and becomes real, honest to goodness lovemaking. It’s a perfect contrast. The rape scene had all the trappings of a classic romance. Right down to it being their first time and taking place in a rose garden. But it’s tragic, horrifying, and deeply unsexy. Then, near the end of their story, America and Arthur get lost on their road trip and have sex in their car. Their crappy, cramped car, where they’re surrounded by ordinary luggage, both of them sweaty and a little cranky with each other after a long day. It’s awkward, ordinary, imperfect and gorgeous. If we didn’t have the rape before to show us the nadir of this relationship, the healing and the dawn that came after wouldn’t be half so meaningful. A very strange thing to say without context, but it was a perfectly done rape that gave the audience the payoff of perfectly done lovemaking. It’s no small feat to get a reader to cheer for a romantic resolution after all of the above. Kind of in awe of Hotama’s skills, I tell you what.

Up to this point and I don’t know what else there is to say other than, geez. This comic, man. Blew me away. I’m so happy I rediscovered my interest in Hetalia if for no other reason than I got to read Arthur in the Dark. I’m a bit of a bookworm in my spare time and I’ve read quite a lot of classic literature over the years. Classic literature with rape scenes not crafted half so well as AitD did. Really think about that. An amateur fan comic based on a jokey gag series about national personifications being silly with each other. Did better at something than the books we hold up as the best of the best. Can’t really say anything else than that is genuinely bloody amazing

[cherlawa-panna]

Barney Barton META: Childhood

This isn't exactly the META, more like a big note with my thoughts about Barney's personality during his childhood. Given that Clint's past, and Barney's past as well, is changed too often in the comics and it's confusing to understand what's going on, I'm going to take the bits that I think are important and squeeze it together. Because if I wanted to put everything in order logically, it would be impossible - his agenda changes too often.

I'll only talk about their lives before their parents' deaths and their first years in the circus. Barney's personality changes dramatically as he gets older and I don't want to write too much in one post.

Dedicated to @carcrash429 and @hawkzeyes. I love you <3

TW: Mentions of child abuse, violence, underage drinking

1. What kind of child was Barney?

The first thing worth noting is that despite the constant changes in Barney's personality, the authors always try to emphasize his role in Clint's story — as one who is "the worse brother," the "rotten" one who causes problems and is a schemer. The bad brother who is the opposite of the good brother. Two sides of the same coin — you know the deal.

Honestly, only Hawkeye Vol.3 showed Barney in some way as "morally better" than his brother. Everywhere else, it's emphasized that he's the worse version of Clint. You know the deal, Clint is the good-shoe guy, and Barney is the worst thing that ever existed. But why?

As we know, childhood plays a crucial role in shaping a person. To truly understand Barney, we need to delve into his early years and explore what kind of child he was. So let's start it, shall we?

- VIOLENT

A recurring trope we see in Clint's childhood memories is Barney teaching him something. I'll mention about this later in the post, but for now, let's focus on the most significant skill he taught Clint, which reveals a lot about Barney himself: he taught Clint how to fight.

(Hawkeye 2012 #12)

Not the self-defense way where you hit someone and run away. Not the stereotypical superhero kind where you fight to defeat someone because you're the good guy and they're the bad guy. No, Barney taught him how to fight in a way that would hurt, how to knock someone down so that they wouldn't be able to stand on their feet anymore.

(Hawkeye 2012 #15 & #21) [rip photo limit]

If someone attacks you, you show no mercy. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. Beat them so they won't want to hurt you anymore.

(Hawkeye 2012 #19)

If there’s no one to defend you, you have to defend yourself. Barney started teaching Clint how to fight after Clint attempted to attack their father. It’s clear that Barney is the reason why his brother even knows how to hurt people. However, it was never explained why Bernard knows how to fight or where he learned this skill. And that's understandable; this flashback is about our golden boy, not about his problematic brother.

To understand why Barney might know how to fight, we need to explore his relationship with violence as a child.

He is an example of how trauma can make you angry—at what happened and what continues to happen. As a child still living with his parents, Barney is filled with hatred towards their father. This contrasts with Clint, who, for a long time, was the "good child" trying his best to earn his father's affection and better treatment.

(Solo Avengers 1988 #2)

Bernard was a "smart-mouth brat" who didn’t hesitate to speak back, even though he knew the consequences of doing so. Even better, this little guy wanted to beat his dad up so badly. Clint would never consider acting this way (until the events of Hawkeye Vol. 4, but I'll discuss that later). And it also seems that this wasn’t the first time Barney had behaved like this.

I have a theory that Barney likely had conflicts with other adults as well, mostly because of his statement in Solo Avengers 1988 #2 panel, where he says, "I'll show them all." This implies that he probably didn't want to take revenge against JUST his father. The way I interpret it is that his father wasn't the only person who treated him badly. We can interpret this in different ways: maybe he was talking about his bullies, maybe teachers or anybody who ever treated him badly. Who knows?

Avengers: Roll Call highlights how different their approach to their father was. Barney is explicitly described as being cynical and resentful as a child. In fact, he is described as a bitter kidwho took of his frustation on Clint by bullying him.

And his different approach to Harold is visible. Barney he has never been shown to say anything positive about their father. True, Clint also hated Harold, but as shown earlier, Clint for some time hoped he'd change, whereas Barney never believed in it. He always saw their father as a scumbag.

(Hawkeye: Blindspot #1)

His hatred for his father and how he was treated, naturally influenced his behavior in childhood, which you could see before. And we know he wasn't a "good boy" in any ways. Like for example, in Blindspot, Clint mentions that Barney was never the smarter of the two and believed that sometimes you need to fight dirty.

This panel illustrates that Bernard believed that the best way to resolve conflicts wasn't through calm, peaceful ways but by fighting dirty. It paints him as someone who often relied more on brute force. Because, in his eyes, it is an easier and more proven way to deal with problems. He saw it from his father and most likely from others that it was the best way; it always worked on him and Clint after all. 

Barney is depicted as a child who has no problem with being aggressive or violent, as shown in Hawkeye (2012) even towards his brother. Yes, while his intent was to provoke Clint, stir him up, and push him to act, the fact remains that Barney still resorted to violence.

Additionally, Barney used violence against Clint because he knew that this was the most effective way to provoke a reaction from him. By mimicking their father, he wanted to trigger Clint's deep-seated rage and bitterness—emotions that were already boiling beneath the surface.

Barney knew that Clint, fueled by anger and resentment towards their father at this moment, would respond to this. It’s likely that Barney didn’t spend much time thinking what he should do; he simply resorted to the method he knew best.

Despite his hatred for his father, he still copy him in some ways, and this behavior pattern stayed with him. Barney struggles to express his emotions or wants verbally, something that continues into his adult life. He rarely communicates his thoughts directly, instead, his feelings are often showed through his actions. This tendency is mostly evident in how he expresses his anger, which is often in violence.

He never fully learned healthier ways. While joining the army may have helped him develop some emotional control, his involvement in the Trickshot "business" clearly ruined it lmao.

Before I expand further on Barney's ability to fight, I want to finish the subject about their father (because I started it and I want to finish it. I know it makes this post very chaotic, but I can't help it).

-AFRAID

In Hawkeye (2012) there is a noticeable shift in the Bartons brothers. Barney becomes more calm, while Clint got increasingly bitter. It’s almost as if they’ve swapped their attitudes.

This is particularly evident in a scene where Clint attacks their father.

Initially, I thought Clint was solely focused on his father during this scene. However, it wasn’t until I noticed Barney’s eyes—fixed on Clint—that I realized he was also looking at him. He would first glance at Barney and then shift his focus to their father. Remember this, because it will be important later.

So let's focus on Barney in this moment (because this is a post about him, duh). Specifically when he says "Clint."

While we might interpret this as a warning to prevent Clint from doing something stupid, because Barney might have known it would upset him and make him do something reckless. But based on Barney's reaction afterwards, you can get the impression that it was the first time when Clint did something like that.

At that moment during dinner, Barney probably shouldn’t have know that Clint would react this way. So this "Clint" warning doesn't make any sense. Given that Clint was known to be a well-behaved child and Barney was his polar opposite, we have to look elsewhere for an explanation. And I'll rush you with my theory.

Since we know from All-New-Hawkeye, Barney was the one who always stood up for his brother (for example: Barney took the blame when they were suppose to work, but they sneaked in to see a perfomance)-

-then Clint might have been looking at Barney, hoping he would speak up against their father. Since he has been "obedient" so far, it’s reasonable to think that Barney might have developed a habit of standing up for him. After all, Barney didn't care about their father's opinions and hated his guts, so he could also speak on Clint's behalf just to piss their father off.

But when Clint realized that Barney had no intention of that, he reacted himself, which, as I mentioned earlier, was something he had never done before.

That's why I think the "Clint" could be interpreted as "Clint, not this time." Especially since Barney appears resigned to me.

Now you might be wondering: Why didn't Barney react? Why did Barney change his attitude? The answer is simple! This whole situation happened after Clint lost his hearing.

Let's take a closer look at this: Barney in Hawkeye (2012) is much calmer than in earlier comics showing him as a child. Here, we see that he's trying to take care of his brother (like when he came to Clint's room after the whole incident and brought an ice pack for the bruises). I think he stopped being so "rebellious" at home to not upset their father. Probably out of fear; if their father was capable to beat Clint so badly that he lost his hearing, what else might he be capable of?

So it's only logical for Barney to temper his normal behavior.

-A Troublemaker

Let's return to the topic of fighting: We can see that he learned how to fight so he could defend himself from his father. And due to his previously mentioned behavior, we can get the impression that he engaged in fights very often as a child.

He must have learned these skills from somewhere, so it’s clear he picked them up outside the home.

How did he learn? Who did he learn from? I don't know! It was never shown or mentioned where he learned all this, but I have theories.

Personally, I think Barney got himself in the wrong crowd during his childhood. Why?

Barney's main 'thing' in the comics is that he was in his brother's shadow and wanted to outshine him. And seriously, this is one of the main reasons why Barney hated his brother when he was in Dark Avengers lol. I honestly believe that their parents, especially after Clint lost his hearing, focused more on the good behaved younger brother, which may have led Barney to seek attention elsewhere. As a troublemaker, Barney likely engaged in stupid and dangerous behavior to gain the approval of others—behavior that fits his character trope. And I'm talking about drinking alcohol and stealing candy from the store.

Barney was shown twice drinking alcohol without flinching. While it’s possible he started drinking occasionally because their father did the same, I believe it’s likely that he also picked up this habit from other kids.

Adult Barney in the comics is portrayed as a charismatic guy with notable leadership skills. That's why I think that he definitely had a lot of childhood friends and wasn't a loner. However, he probably was not as popular as he wanted and due to his difficult personality (his bad temper), he certainly did not have stable friendships. This means there’s a good chance Barney fell in with the wrong crowd and because out of desperation to be liked, he would definitely do stupid things.

This kid was good with people. He was a fast-talker and had the ability to easily persuade people. Like, he successfully convinced Carson to take in two orphans from an orphanage. C'mon, he clearly had skills.

Barney is a manipulative bastard, who had a natural knack for playing people like a fiddle. I don't think I need to provide much evidence for that; after all he was in the mafia and held a high position there as an undercover FBI agent. That says it all.

The beginnings of his manipulating and persuading tactics began in childhood. We see in that infamous panel how he used his brother to do his chores. Of course, Clint started it on his own, hoping it would prompt Barney to stop being such an asshole. But you can bet that Barney did everything in his power to ensure Clint continued to do his chores. You can see it in his smirk.

(Solo Avengers 1988 #2)

From Avengers: Roll Call, we also know that Barney was bored and unloaded his anger on Clint by bullying him. Does this make Barney a villain evil brother? No. Based on other Clint's memories, he wasn't abusive, he was simply an asshole. And Clint, desperate for any form of affection, ended up in a this mix with Barney. It's a recipe for disaster.

Another intriguing detail worth mentioning is that Barney clearly had a thing or two on his conscience. We can see from the interaction between him and Jacques when the old man tried to persuade him into stealing.

"But you, you're a scrapper, Barney. Something tells me you know what it takes to survive"

So we know he wasn't an innocent child then. And Jacques was aware of this and knew that Barney would not refuse such offer. Of course, it can be said that he knew survival techniques from the orphanage, since as we know, the life in there was not sunshine and rainbows. But as we know from their life, their hardest lessons in survival came from their father. For years, Barney has learned how to play dirty to survive, even more than Clint. As Barney himself reflected in Hawkeye: Blindspot, he was the "Tricky One."

Did he steal before? Possible. Maybe he stole things in the orphanage. Or maybe candies from the store like I said before. No matter what, we know that he wasn't a good child.

-ENVIOUS

Since we’re discussing Barney’s involvement with stealing for circus, it’s worth noting that his agreement was fueled by jealousy. Because Clint got more attention and could do something better than him. This jealousy was never about wanting to be a performer/archer himself—contrary to what some people in fandom might think, Barney never showed any desire to be a circus attraction like his brother. In fact, when Swordsman offered them the chance to be his assistants, Bernard immediately refused.

He was simply envious of the attention Clint received and didn’t care about the circus itself. This jealousy made him more willing to engage in thefts—he was driven by a desire to be better than his brother in something. And well, being a tricky was one of the few things Barney excelled at.

2. What kind of brother was Barney?

-A TEACHER

The fact that Barney took care of his brother is already known from the post. He taught him everything from silly things like tossing a coin into a bottle, to more practical skills such as driving a car (possibly even a motorcycle) and how to talk with women. This shows that Barney genuinely cared for Clint and didn't want him to be a loser in life. Which makes sense since Bernard was in some way his caretaker after their parents deaths.

-A PROTECTOR

But more of him being "a caring big brother" was shown in All-New Hawkeye. While I don't like Hawkeye All-New, I do appreciate how it delves into Clint and Barney’s past.

Barney is the one who goes to their foster father and took the blame, because he did not want this bastard to hurt Clint.

He was also the one who offered to earn money for Clint so his brother could focus on learning archery instead and wouldn't be kicked out of the circus.

He repeatedly shouldered every responsibility and tried to protect him.

As previously mentioned, when Barney first got involved in "work" for Carson, his initial motivation was jealousy of the attention Clint was receiving and a desire to prove his own worth. However, as time went on, Barney became less enthusiastic about the thefts but felt compelled to continue. He knew that stopping could lead to them being throwed out from the circus—the only place where they could call a "home". And despite everything, he was determined not to drag Clint into this mess too.

In Hawkeye Vol. 3, it’s noted that Barney encouraged Clint to pursue his education ever since they escaped from the orphanage. I interpret this as Barney recognizing that life in the circus was neither secure nor ideal. He was not emotionally attached to this place, viewing it merely as a temporary situation. Barney wanted Clint to have more opportunities beyond the circus, which contrasted sharply with his brother belief that the future was bound there.

(That’s why I dislike the trope in fanfics where Barney is portrayed as someone who would let Clint to die because of circus. NO. While joining the circus was initially Barney’s idea, they stayed because it was their only option at the time. Barney would always choose his brother over the circus. He only left because he was fed up with living that way and saw no way to get Clint out, since Clint was too stubborn.)

What’s interesting to me is that Barney seems to have stopped stealing for the circus once he became an adult, considering their conversation after Clint was offered the chance to join to the "business".

(I KNOW that this comic was made before All-New Hawkeye and that’s why Barney reacted this way. BUT I’ll interpret it however I want, and there's nothing you can do about it.)

I don’t know why Barney stopped, but perhaps when he became an adult, he was able to take on more demanding jobs in the circus and no longer had to steal to pay for their upkeep (plus, Clint started performing and earning money). And as we can see, Barney doesn’t want Clint to steal. Even though Barney had do the same thing as a child to keep them in the circus, he didn't want Clint to fall into that same trap.

-A CARETAKER

FINALLY, I’d like to shift the focus to Barney’s role as a caretaker for his brother, particularly during their childhood, even before they ended up in the orphanage and Barney had to fully assume the role of guardian. Specifically, I want to delve into Barney’s responsibilities a caretaker when Clint lost his hearing.

I don’t have comic panels to back up my words because the comics don’t delve deeply into Clint’s past as a deaf child. However, I’ll draw on real-life knowledge to support my points. Although I’m not a sibling of a deaf person, but I have deaf friends and have read a lot of psychological studies to better write the dynamics of Clint in his family lol.

Sometimes a hearing sibling, often under parental influence, takes on the roles of caregiver, rehabilitator, or translator for their deaf sibling. They're often actively involved in therapeutic processes, taking on numerous responsibilities related to helping their deaf sibling in their everyday life.

Why do I believe Barney had such a role? The answer is simple: Barney knows ASL since he was a child.

I know it doesn't immediately meant that he had this kind of resposibility. But hear me out. We don’t know if their parents learned ASL and how Clint learned it, but one thing is certain: Barney learned it with him. Depending on how we imagine the situation, Barney could have acted as a communicator between Clint and their parents, as well as with the outside world. I've read about cases where deaf kids learn sign language, and hearing siblings often pick up the language better than their parents. This often leads to the siblings acting as translators between parents and deaf child.

Another evidence is that he was also present during Clint's visit to the doctor.

Barney probably really wanted to be present during this, but why did his parents let him? I find this strange. Maybe they just expected Barney to help take care of his brother?

This certainly made Clint more dependent on his brother.

Clint clearly was dependent on him, since he always consistently influenced Clint's life decisions. Why did Clint run away from the orphanage? Because it was Barney's idea. Why did Clint join the circus? Because it was Barney's idea. Why didn't Clint leave the circus when he discovered its true nature? Because Barney said it was the only way they would survive.

Why did Clint later want to leave the circus despite his reluctance? Because Barney wanted to leave.

As Barney put it in All-New Hawkeye, "Where I go, Clint goes." Clint's life revolved around his older brother for many years. Mainly because after their parents' death, he only had Barney. But even before that, we can feel that Barney had a significant role in his life.

For instance, we see this during the moment they received the news of their parents' passing.

Barney only needed a few seconds to comprehend what happened before he immediately focused his attention on Clint, ignoring his own feelings at the moment. Maybe he wasn't fully aware at the time, but he felt from that moment on he would have to take care of Clint completely.

We need to be aware that Barney wasn't an ideal brother for such a role. He was full of anger, bitterness and of his own problems that he couldn't fully address due to their situation. He was just a kid himself. Barney was thrust into the role of a parent and teacher when he himself needed a parent and teacher. His attempt at "raising" Clint was a series of trial and error because he had no idea what he was doing.

But despite being a troubled child, Barney did a good job taking care of Clint, at least considering what Clint says about him in Blindspot.

I know many fans are angry at Barney for leaving Clint, but I see it as a moment when he finally did something for himself. He accepted that Clint was mature enough to decide for himself. Besides, him leaving Clint's life was good for Clint because if he had stayed, his brother probably would have never left Carson (or he would have joined the military with him) and never found himself. Clint relied on his brother for so long and he needed to be on his own for a while to find his place in the world.

3. The summary

Barney was hot-headed, extremely bitter, and was the most angry kid ever. But he also adapted well to the situation imposed on him and tried to help Clint adapt as well. We know anger often stems from fear, and to me, Barney is a scared child who doesn't know what to do but still wanted to do something.

And that's all I wanted to write about his childhood. Was Barney an angel? No. Was he the worst brother in the world? Also no. Does he need therapy? Absolutely.

[googleitlol]

Sorry if my thoughts are all jumbled here. Or if it doesn't make sense. I'm also kinda being vague here cause these are kinda in the beginning stages of forming to proper theories.

But first of all, thanks for answering my question and indulging me.

Also sure I'll share a little bit of my theories here. Once again, you don't have to confirm or deny these. Hell, you don't have to answer this if you don't wanna.

I had a feeling since the title and the dove symbolism kinda went together, there would be at least some surface level nods to it, but now that there's confirmation that there's more reason behind the dove transformation I can kinda go into my little "theory" (more or less speculation). Not really connected to the stories ending too much that I know of buuuuut, I've just been thinking what enlightenment would be for Dove herself since everyone is going through their respective character arcs to achieve enlightenment in the end. I'm also keeping in mind the love symbolism from this creature, even though it's not really symbolism from religion and more so a universal thing across multiple cultures, as a possible significance.

But also, these little teasers with the endings and the one shots here got me (oop here comes more theory and speculation) thinking about what the hell happened. Cause the heavenly court and Buddha don't seem to be the "badguys" in this story. So i kinda figured a 3rd party got Dove separated from the group somehow since everyone else (allegedly) got to stick together. So something really bad definitely happened here, and either Dove is going through some corruption arc or someone else is pulling at some strings here. But nooooow, I'm inclined to believe the latter, if not this 3rd party, causing the corruption arc. These are just things I kinda think about in 2 possible endings. I hope this all makes sense.

I could be waaaaaayyy off though so yeah

Oh, you know I'm gonna answer these! Also, I'm glad you caught onto some of this!

Love is definitely a big part of Dove's character arc, tho it's more of a catalyst for what she has to realize. Dove at the start of the journey isn't really… her own person. Or at least, she wants to change herself to be more like the person who saved her. It's like she thinks there's some moral obligation she has to follow in Guan Yin's steps, and as her relationship with Sun Wukong develops, she starts to question that.

Your other thoughts on what happens near the end… muahahaha…

I've mentioned it in passing so I won't try hiding it, there's another party involved in PoM. They don't get too involved until after the Red Boy arc, which is lowkey why I decided to start posting to AO3 after I finished with those chapters. Everything from the start of PoM to Wukong realizing his feelings can be considered… the first act of my little soap opera. This third party doesn't become more prominent until Act 2.

Technically, the third party has been causing problems since the prologue. They're just chilling cuz one of them doesn't know about the journey yet while his accomplice… she knows about the journey, she just gives less of a fuck. But when they decide to take action, stuff gets fun (stressful and full of agony). I'm excited to get to them, who they are, their backstory and powers, EVERYTHING! UUUGGHHHWVBOJNVUSBDCS I WANNA TALK ABT THEM SO BAD–!

ahem, anyway–

As for your theory about a 'corruption arc'… depending on how I end PoM, Dove may or may not cross a line she wouldn't have crossed at the start of the pilgrimage. The fun part is, the ending I consider the 'good ending', the one where she doesn't get separated from her friends and loved ones… is where she crosses that line. If Dove kept trying to be like Guan Yin, she would never think of going down that road. So in that good ending where she stops trying to be someone she's not, and the ones who helped her get to that realization are put in jeopardy… she has no hesitation.

[rainbow-crane]

I'm feeling like being controversial today. Here, take some DR character opinions. Clutch your pearls besties

17- Makoto. I feel nothing for this character, in any positive or negative direction. To me, he's only ever been the vessel for which THH takes place for the player. That's kind of it. Bro is just chilling. (Note: these opinions are exclusive to the THH game.)

16- Leon. He suffers from what I like to call chapter 1 syndrome. Not only was he killed extremely early, but he had no plot or character significance before or after the fact in-game. I think the idea of a character that hates their talent is really interesting, and his design slaps, but he just didn't have any sticking power for me.

15- Yasuhiro. He's got funny moments here and there (the ghost bit in the ch 5 trial never fails to make me laugh) but he has no story. They don't do anything with him besides 'stupid occult man' jokes, and I can't help but feel like there was wasted potential to do something with his fortune-telling talent that was only ever used as another gag of his stupidity. Disappointing as a character, but at least he was around longer than Leon.

14- Byakuya. Asshole characters are always hit-or-miss for me, and Byakuya missed by a ton. I know he *technically* got showed up during the chapter 4 trial, but getting upstaged once and acting like nothing happened afterwards isn't enough of a character arc for me to find him surviving over so many others in the cast worth it. He's also just pretty weak as an antagonist in comparison to the others in the series(not to mention there was an objectively better option for antag in this very cast). He's the type of character I'd probably like way more in like, Ace Attorney, but here I just got so sick of hearing him speak.

13- Hifumi. I can appreciate the attempt to make a subversion of the 'perverted nerd' character, but they failed the second they actually made him a perverted nerd, even if they gave him that bare minimum ideal of rape being bad. Fanon interpretations of what could've been prop him up for me a good bit, too.

12- Mukuro. Similar to Makoto, she feels like a character that exists to serve a narrative purpose, and we never really meet her as herself in-game. Unlike Makoto, we actually got FTEs playable in the post-game that allude to a greater story with her and her doubt in despair that makes her retroactively more tragic and adds both to herself and her sister.

11- Toko. They just didn't do enough with her in THH to warrant me placing her any higher than this. I think the differences between her and Genocider are interesting, and I wish they'd been given more growth in the game instead of spending the entire game post-chapter 2 pining over and stalking Byakuya. Toko gets ranked lower because she wasn't as fun to have onscreen and I got sick of her insisting people disliked her for being ugly, even though she's pretty conventionally attractive beyond having glasses.

10- Junko. She was an incredible mastermind twist and had a ton of charisma and presence in the final trial, from her sprites to the VA's performance, but they just didn't use her enough to warrant putting her any higher than the characters above.

9- Mondo. I like the characters he's attached to more than I do Mondo himself. I like the 2-sided coin of toxic masculinity they write between him and Chihiro, and I love his relationship with Taka, but I just don't care much for him outside of what he provides for those characters. He's fine.

8- Genocider. Basically everything I said with Toko, but she's way more entertaining from her cheery and violent personality and is just more expressive and fun. I got excited whenever she came onscreen because I knew I was about to have a good time.

7- I don't think you could change Kyoko's role in the story much at all without drastically altering the game as a whole. Makoto may be the POV, but Kyoko is undoubtedly the main character of THH and not only is she the most capable member of the class, but her growth as she opens up to Y/N Makoto and puts her faith not only in the absolute truth, but also hope is beautiful to watch, especially as we get to learn the mystery of who she is and where she came from. In another world, she'd be my #1, but I've never actually shed tears for her so she ends up as low as 7th.

6- I'd say from an objective standpoint, Sakura is probably the most well-written character in THH. Her internal conflict as she's forced to play the role of spy paired with her rapidly growing relationship with Hina as she finally, finally finds someone that sees her as the woman she so desperately wants to be acknowledged as, growing past her greatest weakness- her fear- to stand up to Monokuma, and having to take the role of a fighter on for a class of people that hated her to be both victim and killer, freeing her classmates from having to become either- I think I've made my point. I still wish we'd gotten that 3rd-person fighter about Sakura.

5- When I went into THH, I fully expected Hina to be a dumb blonde character for the entire game, with no substance beyond her character design. Maybe that low expectation was what made her shoot so high up my list. She wasn't the smartest character, sure, and the game definitely focuses on her body an uncomfortable amount, but she still has an incredible arc in her relationship with Sakura. Her depiction of grief is so deeply emotional, and her sense of justice, which up until then had been alluded to but never put into her hands, became a weapon that almost took down the entire class with her tears. Not only does she lose her best friend, but she's then manipulated by Monokuma to make that pain so much worse by pinning the blame for her loss on everyone around her and herself. Her attempt of a murder-suicide of the entire class followed by the reading of Sakura's real will and her guilt and regret afterwards is one of the strongest moments of the series. I've always thought if Makoto didn't exist, Hina would've been a great choice for a protagonist for this game, since she starts with that same optimism and easygoing ability to make friends that Makoto does, but is a strong character in her dedication to her sports and fierce love of those closest to her.

4- As a trans man, Chihiro's story was a lot like looking in a mirror, especially when I was playing the game as someone who'd only just started opening the closet door. His insecurities due to his body and his attempts to forcibly feminize himself to receive acceptance and masquerade as something he wasn't was something I was intensely familiar with, and the tragedy of his finally gaining enough confidence to open up to a close friend and seek out help to try and become his true self, only to be betrayed by said friend and killed before he ever got the chance, was one of the best personal gut punches I've gotten from this series. Regardless of the transphobia and misogyny written into said storyline, he's a character I'll never not relate to. There's a ton to dive into with Chihiro's character writing, and he's one of those characters I can tear into like a raw steak and go not only into how he's treated by the show, but also by how many ways there are to write him better than the game actually did and all the different ways different corners of the fandom have treated him. (Also, to be clear, I'm not opposed to transfem Chihiros hcs, I'm using he/him bc that's what's canon.)

3- Taka. My beloved boy, underrated outside of his relationship with Mondo. I'll defend this man until the day I die, and will always believe he should've been a member of the surviving cast over Hiro. His constant uphill battle with trying to connect with and protect his classmates only to fail at every turn from his lack of understanding of social norms, going as far as to rationalize hobbies as a form of studying in his first FTE, and his pure joy in finally connecting with someone being decimated by the reality that that man went on to be a killer is so powerful. Watching him completely snap and go near comatose, only being pulled out of stasis by the news that an AI of Chihiro still exists and begging for forgiveness for not being able to prevent his death was shattering, and his fusion with his perception of Mondo pushing him over the edge only to be killed unceremoniously in the background of Celeste's plan was infuriating. This man struggled and clawed his way through the first half of the game for whatever scraps of screentime the creators would leave him, and then they tossed him out when they couldn't think of anything better to do. Justice for my man!!!

2- Celeste. Remember when I said there was a character more well-suited for the role of antagonist than Byakuya in this game? Well, this is she. Not only would she have worked as a narrative foil to the player, as Makoto and Celeste are both in the class for their luck-based talent, but she would've had a much more powerful and thematic rivalry with Kyoko, the girl who seeks out absolute truth, as the girl who wraps herself in a veil of lies. I already found her fascinating as she was, having a character that's unashamedly a bad person and follows her own ideals with no regard for the effects on the rest of the class beyond how easy it'd be to manipulate them, but her lack of regard for the class trials and refusal to cooperate could've been how she functioned as an antagonist, refusing to help the group when it didn't immediately serve her or intentionally leaving out details that put her in a bad position. Essentially, she'd function as an antagonist in a way inverse to how Kokichi functioned, which not only would've been phenomenal for THH, but for the parallel storytelling V3 later goes on to employ. That said, that's all hypothetical, but even without all of that, she's still an intriguing character that I can't stop thinking about.

1- Sayaka. I hated Sayaka when I first started playing, not because of anything she was doing, but because I didn't like how the game was seemingly gluing her to Makoto's hip. I didn't like having to slough my way through tutorial after tutorial going through her to talk to the entire rest of the class, and I didn't like being forced to burn my first FTE on her when there were other characters I wanted to learn about. I cheered when I found her body because it meant I wouldn't have to jump through hoops to speak to the other characters anymore. All that hatred dissipated as the first trial took place. Taking the cutesy sidekick girl and making her not only the first victim (something that was huge for the genre at the time) but also going on to reveal that she was actively betraying us and plotting to frame us for murder to save herself and her fellow idols was a genius move. Since then, Sayaka has become a stronger presence in my mind for this series, and her impact on the series as a whole can't be overstated. She put the first killing game into motion. She carried with her the first despair, and inspired the first hope from Makoto. Her desperation for a dream she had to fight tooth and nail for, that desire to hang onto her dream that'd kept her going for so long pushes forward everything. 11037 became a staple point for the series and the fandom, not just because of the poor western translation, but also because that was her point of regret, the guilt that stopped her from killing Leon successfully and ultimately saved everyone, her final moments being to save Makoto and the others. Every moment spent with her at the beginning is designed not just to make her seem like the desirable sidekick girl, but also to weave into your perception of her the darkness she carries on the inside, the dedication and determination to remain liked and retain her fame by any means necessary, feigning being agreeable yet still unwittingly developing genuine feelings for someone who's nothing but genuine. The money I'd pay for a prequel anime about Sayaka's rise to the title of SHSL Idol is unreasonably high.

[i-was-a-teenage-eldritch-horror]

Read Jeff Kass' Columbine: A True Crime Story the other day (this is the best, most factual English-language book on the subject; Cullen's book is basically his fanfic in many respects), and came across this interesting bit:

The context is that Kass is discussing why it is that girls are more likely to spot warning signs of school shooters (gender is such a huge component of this problem, yet there is so little discussion of it, so I really respect Kass for even including this brief bit in his book).

Since then, I've been thinking about this concept of feminine social responsibility in a more general sense and how it relates to the Eva women.

Ritsuko pays no mind to questions of right and wrong. She facilitates Third Impact with impartiality and only attempts to thwarts it to hurt Gendo after she decides the events of episode 23 are the last straw. Ritsuko reveals the truth of Rei, all the cruelty and all the facade, to Misato and Shinji for her own personal catharsis -- not for Rei or anyone else's material benefit. Not even her own, really, since this results in Gendo putting her in what basically amounts to solitary confinement. The most "responsible" thing Ritsuko does in the series is probably chastising Misato for her off-color and concerning jokes about SA towards Shinji in episode 2, but even that feels like a slap in the face after finding out her complicity in Gendo's abuse of Rei. Ritsuko knows she's doing ~bad~ things and loses no sleep over it until she can no longer deny that she's been hurt by this arrangement, and even then, the morals aren't her concern -- only that she can no longer bury this pain.

Naoko fits into this in much the same way -- her research into Rei mirror's Misato's research, yet Naoko ultimately copes with the suspicion that something is amiss in the same way that Ritsuko copes with the certainty and acceptance that there is -- by killing Rei. Naoko's interaction with Rei is, fittingly, much more personal -- Naoko kills with her bare hands; Ritsuko does so with the push of a button. Additionally, there's not really anything to suggest that Naoko was planning on doing anything with her information on Rei -- the murder was committed on impulse. If Ritsuko does an arguably materially good act for selfish reasons, then Naoko does a needlessly cruel act for selfish reasons. This situation is less nuanced.

Maya probably showcases this feminine social responsibility the most out of the Eva women -- she stands up to Gendo and tries to police Ritsuko in much the same way that Misato and Ritsuko try to police each other. Cracks begin to form for Maya, too, but she resigns herself to continue going with the program, unlike Misato, who is at least genuinely curious and does her own independent research.

Misato is hawkish and, much like Maya, wholeheartedly believes that NERV is a net positive for the world. But when Kaji reveals the Adam-Lilith switcharoo in episode 15, Misato's worldview begins to crack. Yet she quietly sits on this information, barely discussing it with Kaji. Her most significant interactions regarding this are with Ritsuko, whom she batters over these doubts as she refuses to accept partial blame for Shinji's potential demise in episode 16. Misato's ego is bruised by Kaji's revelation to her, because it pokes holes in the myth that fuels her life's purpose. Ultimately, the concern boomerangs back to Misato herself, rather than the pilots or the millions of people around the world who are starving because governments' budgets are drained from supporting NERV. The difference between Misato and Ritsuko is that Ritsuko is under no impression that she's "good." Misato is.

Now we come to Yui. Like Naoko, her actions are really only to fuel her own desires and ego -- Misato and Ritsuko are more nuanced than Naoko and Yui. Yui waxes poetic about the moon, stars, happiness, etc. but ultimately...her master plan was not concocted for any noble reason, but rather, to serve herself.

Kaji, interestingly, does display social responsibility. He tells Misato the truth about Adam/Lilith out of the goodness of his heart; not for any ulterior motive. His research and status as a triple agent stems from his genuine desire for the truth. Unlike Misato, his worldview is not based on either side of the coin. Unlike Ritsuko, Kaji is actively trying to thwart the wrongs he's forced to do as part of his job, and it costs him his life. This is not the only time that Kaji is assigned a typically feminine role/trait/status, etc.

I have not discussed Asuka and Rei here for a few reasons. One is that their responsibilities are less nuanced (though significantly heavier in many ways) than that of the women -- which makes sense, being that they're teenagers. Another reason is that, unlike Yui, Naoko, Maya, Ritsuko, and Misato, Asuka and Rei never commit any grave wrongdoings throughout the series. At worst they are a little annoying or slightly rude.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Hi Rose 💜 Weird question time! Do you have a favourite quote(s) from the series you've watched? Like, some sentence that got stuck in your head. I am looking at the empty wall in my room and feeling a very adult urge to just write something on it so I'm looking for inspirations.

No pressure though, it's just my head is completely empty and my memory is bad 😅

Hi Kat💜

So my memory is also terrible. A lot of the times I forget quotes really quickly. But I was thinking about this and going through the rolodex in my brain, and realized that I do remember lines from shows, but usually they aren't significant by themselves. Like for me it's a quote that brings me straight into the show again, like I'm seeing in my head and it's invoking the same feelings that I felt during the show. (also there's also the language thing, where I'm not always sure if I know exactly what they're saying so I'm always afraid of giving it weight for some reason)

Like for example. If I'm thinking of WDYEY, I think of onions, and chicken thighs. Specifically "I think I should use two chicken thighs", as said by Shiro. Because it makes me remember them instantly, and have the same feeling I had when I watched. Also lot of the times I think of bits of dialogue and not necessarily lines by itself. Like for instance in ULS when Hotae is talking to Donghee while cleaning and he says a bunch of things ending with something like "But that's all bullshit. Because when you can't endure something, then you just can't endure it."

So I don't know if these will help you, because although I think I could maybe put them on my wall or something, and it would be meaningful to me, I don't know if it would be the same for you.

But anyway, you asked and I will tell you some of my favourite lines, that I think of, when I remember certain shows. (these are from memory, so they might not be verbatim)

Light on me "Yesterday, today and tomorrow. I'll still be thinking about you" Shinwoo - this is of course an all time favourite.

Love Sick "It barely takes any time to fall in love, so why does it hurt so much to say goodbye?" Noh (I'm gonna stop at one with this one because I'd be here all day)

Gaya Sa Pelikula "Tell me a story Karl." & "I refuse to be a plot device that triggers somebody else's identity crisis only to be left alone in the end" & "Jesus is too forgiving to be a Capricorn" Vlad (yeah this show also had a lot that I like)

Kieta Hatsukoi "We don't have to be like everyone else" Ida

If it's with you "I think liking you might be good" Ryuji

Old Fashion Cupcake "Don't just be a part of my life. Please be my entire life" Togawa

To My Star "If it's too hard for you. I'll go to you." Seo Joon

We Best Love "Am I still the lucky one?" WBL 2 "You wanted to stay with me forever, but you didn't believe in my forever" Shu Yi

Theory of Love "Why Khai? Why are you still waiting" "I don't wanna love you anymore. It hurts" < I can hear this one in my head. Third

The Eighth Sense "I'm getting sick of wearing a mask" & "Let's try it together even if we're afraid" Jae Won (this one is another I'd have several)

Unintentional Love Story "I'll love you instead." Ji Won Young

I've not been able to really go look, because life, but I know I have more and if more come to me I'll let you know. I know there are a couple from kdramas I really like but for the life of me I can't remember them right now. The only one that comes to mind is from Navillera that it's just "Did you soar?" cause I get emotional just thinking about it.

Anyway since perhaps I'm not the best person for this particular thing, because I have a terrible memory and maybe because I'm more of a visual person when it comes to tv, I thought I'd open the floor to some people that might be able to help. So tagging some folks that might be able to contribute to your endeavour.

@lurkingshan @twig-tea @wen-kexing-apologist @bengiyo @hyeoni-comb (no pressure of course)