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heymeowmao · 2 years ago

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2023.06.22 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324915504857874452

bgm: 隆里电丝 (Lonely Dance) - 盛宇DamnShine ft Key.L刘聪

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Welcome! LYN: It's the Dragon Boat Festival today. So I want to wish you peace and health today. That's why I purposely wore green today- to make myself look like a zongzi. In order to celebrate the festival, I made my self look like a zongzi. C: I didn't think you would come. LYN: I just wanted to give you a surprise on the day of the Dragon Boat Festival. C: I knew you would come. LYN: Don't say nonsense, as if you know me very well and can see right through me. PLEASE don't see through me. If you're going to be like that then I'll leave. Bye bye~ I don't like being predictable. Don't guess.

C: This morning my mom and I were talking about you for a long time. LYN: What are you and your mom talking about me for? Did you tell your mom that I would be going to your house to celebrate? That she should be expecting a young kid to come to your house and celebrate the holiday with you, to eat zongzi?

C: Where are the special effects? LYN: The last time you were complaining. I saw someone say they watching the playback and got car sick. So I didn't turn on any of the effects today- only the beauty filters. I've got some brightening and blur going on. I didn't turn on any effects. But since you want to see it, I can turn on a little.

C: I just finished dinner. Have you eaten zongzi yet? LYN: I ate. You don't need to worry about me. My portions have been growing lately, because when I have time I will try to work out. My food intake has been growing.

C: What have you been busy with? LYN: I've been working on dubbing. Yesterday I left a message in the chat- that I've been recording songs. I told that my goal in coming back to Beijing was to work on my album, first, and record for OSTs that I still owe. For the most part, I came to do the dubbing. We've been very detailed with it. I've been using my voice a lot. The reason why I came to stream today was... honestly I almost didn't. I told you- I haven't been streaming lately because I've been needing to use my voice a lot. Lately I haven't been able to do my hair or get styled up- I just brush my teeth and wash my face and I'm out the door. I wear some sweatpants with sneakers and a t-shirt. Very relaxed. I've been eating a lot, too, since I haven't had to be on camera for this period of time. I've gained some weight, but it's okay. I need some strength so I can work out, anyway.

LYN: Yesterday I saw a lot of you couldn't take it anymore and you started commenting that you missed me. I told you I would stream until you threw up but I just don't have the time. I can't stream ALL THE TIME. I should have work to do. It's better for me to work. So... excuse me. But I felt guilty- the last time I streamed was the 6th or 7th?- so I figured it was about time for me to squeeze a stream out.

C: Baby, you're the best. LYN: Don't call me "baby." I see that and am resistant. Don't call me "baby" please, thank you. I'm so old and you're calling me "baby"?? Oh, my goodness. I can't take it. Don't call me that. LYN: Just call me "Ning-ge". If you're older than me, you can call me "Xiao Ning" or if you're younger you can also call me "Liu Yuning".

C: The presents aren't turned off. LYN: Are you serious- Is the gifting option open? I can't close that function myself, I need the weibo staff to do it for me. Let me find a staff member to contact. I'll tell them. C: It's not on. LYN: It's not? Then what are you messing with me for?? It's not on, right? C: It is. LYN: Is what you're seeing the special effects, perhaps? C: I have it. LYN: Well, maybe weibo can tell that you're a big spender. They think that you're not lacking the money, so are giving you this opportunity to exhaust some funds. But I don't need you to spend money on me. C: People are gifting. LYN: Those are special effects, not presents. Those are free! C: I can't send them, but other people can. LYN: Is the age of big technology catering to individual preferences, now? No, right? C: "Send Gift" is presents. LYN: That's not presents though, is it? It's a special effect. I can ask, it's no problem. Don't worry. My weibo live stream is like a benefit for the fans. I want to make sure you get enough. So you don't have to send presents or anything. C: Why don't I have it? LYN: It's not that big of a deal that you have to compete with everyone else!! Why are you so competitive? Just because someone else has something, you have to have it, too?? If you were just as competitive in your studies it would be much better. Why do you have to be competitive when it comes to watching a live stream? It's not worth it. There's no need. If you don't have it, it's okay. Don't send me anything. C: I have it. LYN: What's there to brag about? Stop showing off. Haven't your elders ever taught you not to reveal your wealth?

LYN: Today is June 22nd. I remember when I debuted it was five years ago in June sometime, right? 6/18? No- that's not it. I remember it was near the end of June. As for what specific day, we never set one. It's not like I made a post that read, "Starting from today, I have debuted." But in general it should have been around the end of June, five years ago. Just about. Friends, I've debuted for five years, now. Time goes by so quickly. LYN: Many of you may have started liking me around June, five years ago. Honestly I hadn't officially debuted yet but they had already won. Five years... it's been fast. C: It's been five years since I won the lottery. LYN: If you're going to be like that, then... - ~ Time has really gone by so quickly. Before I knew it, many of you have already spent five years with me. In these five years I've experienced so much but I've also received so much. I want to thank the friends from five years ago who have kept me company along the way until now. Thank you. You've also experienced the happiness, the pain, the troubles, and the ups and downs with me. But it's been five years together- five years. ~ - ! Do you know how I've spent these five years?!? Do you know?? ! - ~ You don't know. ~ LYN: ~ Of course, there are also the friends who have only known me for a year or two, or even more recently. ~ C: Genre switch? LYN: I'm sorry! I have a little... I'm a little crazy. Sorry. I suddenly thought of a scene in a movie: "Five years. Five years!" From Zhang Dehui's (?) movie. C: You scared me to death. LYN: I'm sorry I'm just like this- a little insane. That's why when you're watching my stream you need to keep alert. You can be scared at any moment. But here's the thing- normal people aren't as interesting. You have to encounter someone insane like me every once in a while. They'll give you small surprises and amusement in life. As long as this person is not insane AND harbor ill-intent, I think it's okay. I'm insane. A lot of you are already used to it. LYN: But I still want to thank all the friends who have been by my side until today. Thank you for believing/trusting me and standing on my side if I face any trouble. You've faced it head on with me, and we've come out of it together. Compared to five years ago, I'd say I've become more stable. I'm not as anxious as I was before, worrying about whether I would continue to have work or not or whether I would be needed by people/this industry or not. I'm not as... removed. No longer at a loss (as to my place). I've come to understand a lot. I've experienced all that there is to. So... I want to thank you for staying throughout all of that. Thank you to all the new friends, too. It's a pleasure to know you. I hope we can continue to face the next five years together as well. Thank you.

C: Are we spending the new year? LYN: I don't think so. We'll see. If I'm in a good condition I'll stream a little longer, but if I'm in a bad condition then I'll wrap up early. These days I have a lot of work that requires the use of my voice so please be understanding. If I have time, I'll definitely come to stream. When I'm not streaming- I kid you not- I'll feel guilty. So you really don't need to come and urge me. You don't need to call me out all the time. I know, I have awareness. I know that it's been a long time and I should be streaming, but sometimes when you come push me- of course, I understand, though. Because you all rely on me and want to see me and miss me. That's why sometimes I will force myself to stream. It's a way for me to relieve stress as well.

LYN: It just happens that today is a holiday, so I came to stream. It's all good. I'm happy! I've even worn this zongzi-colored clothes to come meet with you. How thoughtful am I?? Actually, I had thought of the outfit I would wear the next time I streamed. Every time I stream I put a lot of consideration into what I want to look like- because I respect this stage very much. This stage, that lets me show myself. So the last time, I had already thought of what I would wear next. I went online and bought everything I needed- three things in total. Only two of them have arrived. The most important piece isn't here yet. I even contacted customer service today. I told them I was expecting the package on 6/15, but why haven't I received it yet?? I already asked them about this four days ago, too. At that time, they said, "We're sorry. Please expect your package in the next 2-3 business days." So today- it's been four days and they haven't contacted me yet. So I asked them again. They said it was a holiday, so they are taking two days of break. I almost wanted to ask them were they worked, I want to work there, too. But today I am not wearing what I had planned because one of the items has not arrived. The next time I stream I'll give you a surprise.

C: When are you entering the new crew? LYN: What crew? I don't have work. I'm at home, idling. I don't have work. /fake cries/ I've just been at home, crying. I don't have a crew. C: Didn't you say that yourself? That you were entering a crew next month? LYN: The "crew" I mentioned then was a community group that focuses on waste disposal and sanitation. Don't a lot of artists go around Sina to sweep the corridors? (?) I'm not qualified to go, so I'm just going to sweep around my community. Other artists can get a trending topic for doing it, let's see if I can get one too. So I've joined a small... sanitation crew in the community I'm living in right now. Next month I will officially join it. XD C: Come clean up my dorm! LYN: Clean your dorm?? Has chasing stars twisted so much that you want your idol to become your cleaning lady? Also, I want to say, I'm guessing this friend is a girl- if you don't even want to clean your own dorm, you're too dirty aren't you?? Sweep it yourself. Wipe it down. Organize your stuff. Let's be clean and neat.

C: I thought you were going to count beads? LYN: Yeah, I am. I have been, but it's not really a nice thing to do while I'm streaming, is it? So I won't. I don't want to be clacking around- I'm a pretty busy person. The last stream made people dizzy enough already. What if they think it's too annoying and stop watching my streams?

C: What's happening on the 29th? LYN: If I remember correctly, it's some sort of nighttime gala. I might go and sing a song. If you hadn't reminded me, I would have forgotten. Then, I should start losing some weight in the next few days.

LYN: Ever since I left the ZY drama group I've let myself go a little. You might now know but when you're in a drama crew, you'll have about one meal a day. I can't say it's only one meal, rather one proper meal. During lunch you'll eat some rice and sides. All the other times, and especially at night, you don't dare to really eat. Because we're afraid of looking fat when we're on camera. But after we wrapped I headed out to a lot of cities- Shanghai, Hanzhou, Beijing- and I was eating the whole way. Right now I eat three meals a day, at the least. Some days I eat four. So I've been more... heavy.

LYN: You saw this week's episode of Hello Saturday (6/17), right? I took a look at it- oh my goodness. I was so ugly I could d*e. How could I be so ugly? I looked alright when I first got out of the crew, and it'd only been a few days since then. How could I look so ugly on the cameras?? I seemed like I was so bloated. I didn't even have a jawline anymore! I felt like my neck and chin were connected as one. Oh my goodness! What was that?? LYN: Also, my hair was more yellow. I hadn't bleached it to this color yet. But since it was a variety program, the color couldn't be too... vibrant. You'll rarely see a male artist with dyed hair on stage or on a show. You can have it dyed it daily life but for the most part, they don't allow it on shows. But I had to be on the program, so what could I do? It's not like I would dye my hair back just for a show, after all it took for my to bleach it in the first place. So my hair stylist sprayed some dark colorant in my hair, to make it look more neutral. But on the camera you can still tell it's quite messy yellow/orange. It wasn't a wig. It was a spray. But who knew we would be playing with water?? LYN: I'm sure all my fans have seen it already- we were playing with water on that episode. It just so happens, on the episode that I would be on, that we would be playing with water. They had sprayed the color into my hair. If they dumped water on my head it'd turn into black soup on my face. Just- ink, running down my face. What is that?! So I was thinking, maybe I should... not record this episode, and come back next time? But that didn't really work, either. So I went. They saw me in the afternoon, because we still need to do rehearsals, and they commented on my hair color. I told them it would be okay, because I would be spraying temporary coloring into it. They said, "But we're playing with water this afternoon, will it work?" I replied, "I don't know." But the friends who were on that episode were all really nice. They knew that the color was a spray so in order to help me avoid looking ugly they didn't really throw the water onto me. After we finished recording, I even told them "Thank you for looking out for me today." If they had poured the water on me there would just be dark water flowing down and no way we could continue recording. I'd have to go wash my face. LYN: But anyway, I watched the episode and thought, "How could I look so ugly??" Oh my goodness... I felt like I was a fat-headed fish. Everyone else is looking handsome and pretty, but here I was looking like a carp. It's outrageous. So I'll have to start losing weight in preparation of the next time I'm on camera. People always tell me I'm ugly. I worry. >.< I just want to make it so that their words aren't as real. We could sometimes be handsome and sometimes be ugly- and in this way we can mix it up.

C: Did you do your own hair? LYN: I didn't DO it. This is just what it looks like after I got ot of the shower. I don't have the time to style my hair. I need to stream for you, quick.

C: Man, are you questioning my taste (esthetics)? LYN: No- it's just really like this. If you want to compare my visuals with someone else's there's really no competition. I am aware that I am not the "visual" you expect and that's not what I'm banking on anyway. I was a singer, wasn't I? For a singer, the visuals aren't as strict of a requirement. Of course, the more handsome the better. As a singer, if you're handsome and sing well, then your paths to success are slightly smoother than others. But it's not a sure thing. In any case, the more handsome the better. If you include acting, then people are going to start having something against you. There's no helping that. I can understand. As long as I make myself presentable, it's all good.

C: When you enter the drama crew will you dye your hair back? LYN: Of course! If I join a crew I'll dye it back to black or a dark brown. Pure black makes it seem as if you're not lively. Some brown/yellow mixed in is okay too. LYN: Oops. Someone heard something they can use against me. C: I thought you were entering into a community sweeping crew? Why would you need to dye your hair back for that? Are the requirements for entering a community crew so big, that you need to due your hair back?? LYN: Uhm... it's like this. I need to dye it back because when we are cleaning there will be a lot of dust. The dust. If my hair were this color (currently: grey/silver) you wouldn’t be able to tell if it got into my hair. But if it were black and the dust got into it, then you could see it clearly. So I will dye it back so I remember to wash my hair promptly and do a better job at work. LYN: Was that believable? Hm… my original lines aren’t bad! It’s very.. Round? [t/n: pun on “original” (原) and “round” (圆); both pronounced “yuán”.]

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C: I saw the ZY trailer and you looked cool! LYN: Thank you, thank you. I’m happy because I saw a lot of people praising me. But I do have self-awareness and can see where I could have done better. Praising me is a form of support; though I did see the comments that were critical. I’d be afraid it were all praises- there’d really be a problem, then. There SHOULD be people against me. It’s all good. I saw a comment that someone posted and they said, “LYN’s voice is so nice.” :) They said my voice was very nice, and it was “perfect”. Right? And then, at this moment some others couldn’t take it anymore. “Who the heck is LYN? What are you all- have you never had fine dining? His voice? Let me tell you- his lines have absolutely no emotion behind them at all. He’s just banking on the fact that he’s a singer, and his voice is on the nice side. His lines have no emotion!”

LYN: Friends, let me tell you- this commentary is very high. The thing with art is- not saying that I am someone well-versed in art- but art, entertainment, like singing, dancing, acting. If you want to call into question the matter of “art” you just need to say the words “there’s no feeling” and you can’t go wrong. No matter how well someone sings, you just have to say, “There’s no emotion.” That’s another way to put it. Do you understand? You can think about it. That is- I’m over hear singing and I’m in so much suffering that I’m nearly crying, but they can say, “It’s no good. No feeling. I’m not impressed.” This applies to my voice as well, when they say that I say my lines without feeling. First, you have to hear what I’m saying. Let me think of what lines I have… “Do you really think you’re such an outstanding beauty, that you can make me waver?” I have to say this line with EMOTION, right? Let me try. /breathy & slow delivery/ Does that work?? There’s another line, “You want to use a marriage to erase fourteen years of hatred?” /but delivered… kinda cutely/ Does that work? Is it emotional? There’s another line, what is it? “Execute my command. Eliminate the Qiao family. Before this hatred is returned, I won’t marry.” Is it enough emotion? I feel like this person should be speaking on their knees, already. LYN: “Climb on. I’ll carry you back.” // D: Does it have feeling? C: The emotions are here. LYN: But the lines said I shouldn’t use emotion! He has to be cold-hearted! You need to distinguish between individuals. It’s not like everyone can come on screen and speak with ~emotion~. You must not experience many emotions throughout your life (and thus can’t tell), but you want to hear emotion from MY DIALOGUE?? Aiya. LYN: If there really was a character that spoke like that- /light, breathy/- it’s so cheesy!! Who would speak with emotion like that. It’s like something’s ready to happen! [t/n: /eye emoji/ wdym ning-ge….]

LYN: Of course, it’s not like I care about this topic very much. I’m just using it as a point of conversation for my stream. You can listen to it for entertainment. My stream is just like this. I like to take some seemingly strange things and talk about them during my stream so that you can find it interesting. These are the basics to my stream. I’ll look at people’s comments and whether its complimentary or critical, I’ll take those comments and use them as my material for streaming. If I didn’t have all these people picking at me I’m guessing I wouldn’t have much to talk about. What would I come here to tell you? I’d just come to look cool? But then people have said that my visuals are no good, so there’s no way I can pull it off. So the name of the game here is “making fun of myself.”

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C: Ning-ge, do you have a script for your streams? LYN: I have the hand-card. It’s all written on my hand. Let me take a look- The next topic is… okay. I got it.

C: Talk about the next crew. LYN: /laughs/ Is this your first day being my fan? When have I ever been able to tell you the details about my next drama? They haven’t even announced it officially yet. LYN: It used to be like this- I used to be a bit of a big mouth. This was when I first started off in this industry, I didn’t really understand how it all worked. When I had work before, I would be so anxious to tell you all about it! At that time I didn’t know enough of the world. As soon as I got a job I would be so happy and then come to tell you about it. And then two days later the job was poached. /stares into the camera/ Two days later I get a call from the program, “We’re sorry but we’ve encountered some difficulties. Let’s work together next time.” … So! I figured it out- before the contract is signed or completed and before they provide me with payment, I will never tell you. I don’t want to tell you, because if I do, the job is likely to turn pear-shaped. That’s the first thing. Secondly, whether it is a drama, a show, or whatever project, they all have their own timeline for announcements. You- the male lead or 2ML- can’t just come online and reveal the whole cast. You think I’m a tabloid blog? It doesn’t work. I can’t tell you. C: Have you signed the contract? LYN: … What’s it to you?! LYN: Also, even if the contract is signed, there’s still a possibility of the job falling through. Forget about contracts- some drama reach the filming stage and then fall through. It’s not an impossibility. For a drama, only BEING BROADCASTED counts as having “ended”. If it doesn’t get to air, then even filming it is no use.

C: It’s fine as long as you get the money. LYN: What kind of way of thinking is that? Honestly- If I were only interested in making money and that was the only thing that mattered. How much more money do you think I could make by promoting products? I shouldn’t say that. But I figure if I WERE I would probably be able to make a decent living. It’d be easy for me and I wouldn’t have so much stress, either. I’ll start selling you things- Just 9.9RMB, add it to your cart. ~ How much is market price? How much are we selling it? Only 9.9RMB! Add it to your cart~! ~ I could do that, too! I know how. I figure even with my talents I won’t fall too far behind. LYN: But in the end it’s still about putting your passion into making a product. After having spent four months in a drama crew putting your all into the drama, you still want to make a something that people can see and label as a work. - /continues singing a.. Idk.. online shopping song?/ C: What joke is this? LYN: You must not have seen it. There are a lot of things in this world, that you have to experience before you know what it is. C: Show it to me. LYN: Yeah, yeah.

-/pours sparkling water into his cup/ LYN: ASMR. C: Are you drinking “Snow-Green” (Sprite)? (xue-bi 雪碧) LYN: I’m drinking “Thunder-Green” (Spriteϟ). (lei-bi 雷碧) [t/n: bc the characters for “snow” and “thunder” look a lot alike.] LYN: I’ve been lowering my sugar intake so, I’m not drinking Sprite. It’s sparking water. - [t/n: they’re talking about drinks idk the English names of and can’t figure out, now XD. Skip.]

C: Physical. Physical. LYN: You all keep asking me if I’ve done my physical. Are you TCM practitioners, by chance? Can you tell through seeing my pallor or some maybe facial twitches that maybe I’m ill?? Is that it? You can feel my pulse, somehow? You can diagnose my Wang, Wen, Wen, Qie (Inspection, Listening & Smelling, Interrogation, and Palpation) and all it takes is a look to determine that I am sick? So you want me to quickly go do my physical?? Please, let’s not be like this. Don’t scare me. I have work these days. I’ll pick a day when I have a bit of time and will get myself checked out. I’ll go draw blood and everything. It’s not a rush. Don’t worry. LYN: Some of you have started again, saying that you want to come steal my urine. Are you SICK?? You pervert?! Stop messing around. I’ll go do my physical and you’ll come steal- /sigh/ You must be sick. C: We’l come give you fan support. LYN: I don’t need it. I think when I go I’ll be the only artist there. There’s no one else so you don’t need to come and save a spot or anything. You don’t need to. I don’t need that. No fan support, okay? Be obedient and stay at home. You can await my results.

C: The jokes today are so mysterious. LYN: No, there are no jokes.

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C: You’re so pale you look like a ghost. LYN: /laughs/ Is that a compliment? I saw that they had a “super fan” tacked on to the end of their username but they said I was so pale I look like a ghost. Is that some sort of praise? Don’t people usually describe it like, “You’re as white as a…” Um… what was it again? What’s the best way to compliment someone for being pale? “Cold White Skin (冷白皮)” is it? But what is “white as a ghost”?? But actually they phrased it gently enough, since they’re my fan. If they weren’t they would have phrased it like, “You look pale like you’ve been dead three days. Not even a three-day old corpse would look as white.” LYN: So. That’s just how it is… First- why am I so pale? Let me tell you a secret to being pale. /puts on his product pusher voice/ This is a very good method that I am telling you for free and it’s also very effective. What is it? Let me tell you. First you need some BB Cream in shade no.1. Put some on your face. The next step is to put a very bright white light in front of you. You can see the reflection here in the glass. The third step is to turn your beauty filter’s brightening aspect up to 100%. As long as you do these three steps… even if you were coal, you’d be white.

bgm: Young Captain队长 & ODD Chen Sijian - 超感 (Super Sense)

C: Ning-ge, why don’t you have Zuo Bufan try it. LYN: ZBF’s fine. Even though he may not look as handsome as some of the roles I’ve played before, but he is… a unique character. He’s from a drama of a different kind than my previous and current guzhuang dramas. His role requires this look/appearance. I think it’s great. Isn’t the expectation of dramas nowadays that the story takes precedence over the face? [That an actor’s appearance and performance is different from one drama to the next, so that each character is distinct.] I always see people commenting that an actor’s puts the drama over their face. Right? Rather, if an actor always looks about the same and acts the same in all their dramas, then you would not find them very impressive. LYN: All the roles I’ve played so far- of course, there have been similarities- but in terms of appearance and stature there is always something different. I want to be able to continuously give the viewers something new. Let’s say two dramas happen to air at the same time and you’re watching both but feel like the characters in each drama (but played by the same actor) are the same person- that would be weird. So one look for one drama- I think that’s perfectly acceptable. LYN: Even though I don’t think ZBF is very cool or handsome, his role was very meaningful to me. C: ZBF’s really cool, though! LYN: Wait until the drama airs before you say that. I wonder if you would break your molars trying to say those words after the drama airs. Just you wait.

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LYN: Yesterday I was chatting with my staff. Life has its ups and downs, right? When I first debuted I was down low- because I was internet famous- but slowly after I kept on singing, I started to rise. I’m talking about my reputation. I sang a lot and then people started to realize I was the one who sang Rang Jiu and they were saying, “Not bad!” But then it reaches a point where my reputation starts to go down again, due to some small nonsense issues. Then it started going up again because I was starting to shoot dramas and people liked my roles. It went up until it inexplicably drops again. My life is like this. But lately, because of the YNGS and ZY promos, people are starting to figure that I’m not so ugly in them. I’m okay- visually acceptable, even. Now my reputation is slowly on the rise again. There are just a few more people starting to support me, now. It’s not like before, when people would indiscriminately curse me out. LYN: But we were chatting and I was thinking… will I go through another round of criticism when my next project comes out? I’m starting to worry. I’m already preparing myself for the downward slope. That’s why I want to say- preventatively- IF my next project gets released and people start to criticize me, don’t engage. Please don’t. Just say, “LYN is a rookie actor. We’re working hard to learn from each teacher. We’ll continue to make an effort. Thank you, to all.” LYN: But I discovered a problem the other day. I was very angry after I saw it. Some trailers were released a few days ago and I saw you all liking it. But I noticed that there are some comments- from my own long-time fans, no less- saying that I still need to practice my lines. “I don’t think they’re quite… good enough. You still need practice, lao-da. There’s still a difference between him and professional voice actors. He still has a lot to learn. No good, no good.” I just want to say, friend- fam’?- you don’t need to use such tactics to incite me. Because I already get enough of that from everyone else. Even an idol’s own fans are saying he’s no good?!? You can choose NOT to compliment me, but you CAN’T say I’m not good enough! As if you know very well??? I don’t care what anyone else says about me, but I think that if it’s coming from my FANS that’s really strange. Other people can say what they want, but if my fans tell me I’m not good enough, then what’s the reason that I’m sticking around in this industry?? What am I doing, everyday? I feel like this industry has lost its meaning. I want to go back and be a cook. XD LYN: So… there’s no need for that, ok? If you think I’m not good enough then just bear with it for a while. I will continue to work hard. If you look back on the past five years, you can tell that I am someone who knows what he should be doing. You can rest assured.

---------- /promo time/

LYN: Friends! There’s a drama recently that’s a very good watch. Now, what it is called? Destined (CFD). It’s really very good. So many people in my friends circle are sharing this drama. You have to check it out, because I also sang an OST for it. I choose to believe that the drama’s actor (BJT) was the one to recommend this job to me. I don’t care if it’s true or not, I’m going to attribute this to him and treat him to a meal or something. If you haven’t got a lot going on and want to watch a drama, you can watch Destined. Okay? LYN: The song hasn’t been released yet! LYN: Every time I accept an OST, I am grateful to the publishing, platform, and music company for acknowledging me and giving me this work to do. Truly grateful. Also I’m very serious about it (music). That’s the first thing. Secondly, I always thank the actors in the drama. Really. Singing an OST for them is my honor. If I happen to know the lead of the drama or if we’re friends, I will attribute this kindness to them.

LYN: A while ago I received a request for an OST, so I was looking at what drama it was, and I told that friend, “I’m going to be recording an OST for your drama. Don’t worry, Ning-ge will sing it well for you. I know this job came from you.” They replied, “It wasn’t me.” I told them, “I don’t care!” and sent them 200RMB. Whether they accept it or not is their problem. But as a human being, you have to have that etiquette. I sent them 200RMB and didn’t look back. Accepting or not is their problem. I still need to do through the process. C: Why 200? LYN: Because the limit for wechat red envelope gifts are 200, isn’t it? There’s a limit- I’ve already given them the highest amount I could. C: Send more than one. LYN: If I send more than one, does it increase the worth of my thanks or what? What do you take them for? Giving more is a sign of DISrespect, friends. At New Year’s you give each person one envelope. What would you be doing by handing them ten at a time?? One is enough. More than that and the whole meaning behind the transaction changes. C:Just do a money transfer, then. You can send it all in one. LYN: Em… It’s not like it doesn’t work- I think you can do a money transfer for up to 500RMB a day. But! The problem is… let me think of what I can make up… are a red envelope and a money transfer the same thing?? A red envelope encloses your well-wishes, but a money transfer looks like you want to send them spending money. How can they be considered the same thing?? This would be an insult to them. Right? In this case, how could a money transfer be appropriate? The red envelope holds my sincerity- also, it’s packaged with the hightest amount it can go. A money transfer makes it seem like you’re sending them spending money. Do you think they’re lacking that much, when they’re doing so much better than you to begin with?? It’s like you’re trying to show off your wealth or something. Thanks should be a sign of sincerity. A red envelope is auspicious, right? Every time I send one I can write “Congratulations and I wish you wealth!” I CAN write a note with money transfers, too but it’s not as festive. That’s why… I’ll keep sending red envelopes.

LYN: Friends, it’s like this- honestly- all the friends and actors I sing OSTs for are all doing well for themselves in their own right, right? So you tell me how much money is appropriate to send them. 200RMB per envelope isn’t little. Back in my hometown when friends get married the most they receive is 200RMB. Unless they’re those friends you’ve grown up with since you were little and would through life and death with- they might get 500RMB. For marriage and children, 200 is the max. This (recommending him for work) isn’t up to par with marriage and children. 200 is good enough. Let’s say I give them 300- it’s unwarranted. As for 500… our relationship isn’t that strong yet. It’s the thought that counts. C: Life and death for 500RMB? LYN: It was just an expression. It’s a standard price in Dandong, to give to those you grew up with. 200-500 isn’t a small amount. Also… on the topic of marriage, you have to remember something- let’s say you give someone 500RMB as congratulations for getting married. When you get married yourself they’re probably going to give 500 back. It’s like that. Do you understand? Let’s say you give someone 1M; when its time for you to get married they’re going to… run. XD It’s a mutual exchange. It doesn’t matter the amount. It’s all like this. You get married, and you write down what and how much your friends gave you. Let’s say they give you 500RMB. When they get married you’re probably going to give them 500RMB. It’s the same principle. Or are you going to give them 1000RMB? Then, good for you. That’s also okay. Normally you return however much you receive. - /there are different customs for each region/

C: How did we get on this topic? LYN: It’s because I said I give the people who recommend jobs to me 200MB. :| But of course, just listen to the contents of my stream for fun only. You don’t have to believe it.

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- /comment that his clothes looks like a green zongzi; lyn: that’s what I was going for!/ - /comment that they want to see him in a variety show; he’s currently in talks for them. He had a goal of doing 1-2 variety shows a year but now he has less time because he is started to receive main lead roles in dramas, as opposed to the supporting roles he had before. It all depends on the timing./

LYN: I’m guessing- making a prediction- that one of my dramas will air in July. But as for which one, it’s unclear. There should be one at end of July, but I’m not sure which. // I honestly don’t know, but even if I did I wouldn’t be able to say. But al the dramas I was working on before are all completed- the ost and voice acting is completed, on my part. I always sing an OST for my dramas- so all the ones for my previous dramas have been recorded. Now I am only missing the one for ZY and YNGS. As far as I know post-production is pretty much done and they’re just waiting to be aired. So July- but I don’t know which drama. LYN: Voice for TXJ and ALZ are done. BYOL used original sound but I did go in to the studio to supplement a few lines. These three, and ZC… so these four total are all awaiting broadcast. C: Only a few lines? Awesome. LYN: That doesn’t mean I say the lines well. It was only supplement for a few lines because, as I told you before, for BYOL I could use the same tone I use when I’m streaming to act. I didn’t need to speak Standard. I asked the director how they want me to act the character, and they told me just to be how I am when I’m streaming. I said, “But I speak with my Dongbei dialect during my streams” to which they replied, “That’s okay.” Okay then! I talk like this normally, so this is how I’ll be speaking in that drama, too. If I supplement, it’ll be for a word I spoke incorrectly or in order to edit some interactions. When you hear me later, you won’t be hearing Standard. C: It was created based on you. LYN: No. The scriptwriter had finished writing the role first, and later they found out that there existed someone in this industry that fit it to a T. Su Xiaoyuan-laoshi wrote the script first; she didn’t know who I was. After she finished writing it, she never could have imagined that in this world exists an actor that fits the role so well. As soon as she got to know me she was astonished. What character was it? A cook…. who streams. :D Right now I have say I have four professions: 1. Cook. I have certifications. 2. Streamer. If I say I am quite a pro at it, would you say otherwise? You can say I don’t sing well and I can’t act, but you can’t deny I am a cook- I’m certified!- who streams- you’re watching one right now. My two strongest attributes are really suited to playing this character. It all fits.

- /comment of doubt/ LYN: What do you mean?!? I learned how to cook through proper channels! LYN: The other day I saw a video where someone took cuts of all my lines- to see how I’ve changed over the last five years. Someone in the comments replied, “I know LYN spent 4000RMB to find someone to teach him.” /laughs/ There was someone tacking on to that, too. “No- he paid the teacher but ended up being tricked, so he didn’t end up learning anything. They just gave him a bunch of tongue twisters.” I saw something like that- I spent 4000RMB to learn how to say my lines. LYN: These two people definitely watch my streams. But one understands them and one doesn’t. I thought that was pretty funny. LYN: I told you last time. Before I was an artist, when I was just streaming all the time- this was 5-6 years ago now- I used to enjoy listening to the voice actors of guzhuang dramas. I liked hearing them speak, and thought they were so cool. There was something they used to do- like give a picture, let’s say it’s of a manhua- and the actors woud narrate the story. You feel like you’re reading the manhua, but people are voice acting for it. I don’t know what it’s called- but there used to be something like that. I heard this one guy’s voice and always thought he sounded so good. Very with emotion.

C: Audiobook? LYN: Not the same- audiobook is only sound. This also had pictures. It would give you a picture and then tell you what’s going on in it. With sound effects and everything! I really wanted to learn from that voice actor, so I tried contacting him to make him my master. I told you about this story before- I asked if he was taking disciples. He ignored me; he didn’t reply. I contacted him for two consecutive days and he didn’t respond. I would send him private messages, “Are you taking disciples? I want you to be my master. Please teach me. I’m begging you, shifu. I can even beg on my knees, as long as you’re willing to teach me. I really do want to learn. I really like voice acting and want to learn.” He ignored me. In the end I couldn’t take it anymore and I added, “I can pay you for classes.” He immediately replied, “Okay. Wait for me a minute. Wait until I stop streaming.” I was thrilled, because I finally had the chance to learn. I had wanted to do it for fun. At the time I wasn’t thinking that I would want to become an actor. I just liked it. So after he stopped streaming I asked him how much it would cost for a month’s worth of teaching. He told me to name a price. I told him I was afraid he wouldn’t accept, but that I really did want to learn from him. If he could just tell me how much it would cost, then we could settle and proceed. I told him I really liked his sound. LYN: If it were up to me I would have said 200RMB/month- because that’s the limit for red envelopes, right? But I was afraid he wouldn’t accept this and block me because I was trying to set him up or something. But he told me, “How about 6000RMB a month?” I replied, “I’m sorry- I’m a student. I don’t have that much money. I’m a junior high school student.” Five or six year ago- I was in junior high, right? But I told him I was a student and didn’t have much money, and would 4000RMB/month be okay? He accepted. The deal was done. He asked me if I had a microphone at home- at that time I was already streaming. so I told him I did and it was very professional. So we started chatting, and he asked me, “You’re a junior high student? You don’t sound like one…” Friends- you all know- five or six years ago my voice was really husky. Do you remember? It was before I had surgery. My voice was really husky. But he said, “You don’t sound… like a junior high student.” But he was afraid I wouldn’t want to learn from him, so he also tried to cheer me up. “You can give up on trying for the “youthful teenager” tone but you can learn the “young uncle” tone. Fitting for those in their 30-40s. Or even around 45.”

C: Did you pay tuition first? LYN: Yeah. I paid first. Do you not pay first, for school??

LYN: He said he would prepare a bunch of teaching materials for me, and I just had to follow materials and practice. “I’ll give you a class every day. As long as I have time, I’ll teach you for 40 minutes. I’ll listen to you recite the materials and if you say anything wrong I’ll correct you.” So he sent me a whole bunch of tongue-twisters. /recites/ He had me practice. Another thing was tones of voice. I was practicing at home all the time. It got to the point where I thought it wasn’t really effective. It was like this- I don’t know if any of you have ever learned how to play the guitar? If you have- you’ll know that they have you playing chords first. After a couple days of that, you’ll want to start learning songs, right? So I asked the teacher if I could just jump right into it; could I voice act for a few scenes? I wanted him to find me dialogue to practice with, so I could get the feel for it. He found a bunch of lines for me and I sat there reciting them. I took the classes for about a week- 40 minutes per day, and two of those days we didn’t have class. Later when I wanted to have class with him again, he always said he was busy. It got to the point where I never picked it back up, and I didn’t ask him to refund my money. C: A waste of 4000RMB. LYN: I don’t think it was. At the time, of course you would think it’s a waste. But thinking back on it, it exposed me to the job early on. Now that I’ve debuted and in the recent years while filming and saying my lines, I’ll think back on things I learned back then. It was an enlightenment. At the very least he taught me a bunch of tongue-twisters. Who would even think to learn that many?? If it were any normal person, you’d think there’s a problem. So it was an enlightenment.

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- /someone asking abt ALZ; he doesn’t knowww/ LYN: It’s okay, we can be more lenient. There are some friends who come to my stream to take part in the fun and boost my popularity. At the very least, they add one more comment to my weibo. It’s alright. At least they’re willing to join in. As long as they’re not saying anything too much, it’s fine. If it’s crossing the line then we can moderate. It’s alright. We can all learn to be more lenient.

LYN: There’s something I really wanted to talk about with the fans. There’s something… /thinks/ I am not the type of person who likes to add insult to injury/hit someone while they’re down. I don’t like it because for most of the time I have been on the receiving end. When bad things happen to me or when I am at a low, there are always going to be people who want to hit me when I’m down. At those times I feel helpless. I start to wonder, “Why can’t these people be a little kinder?” I’ll think, yes, there are ways I could have handled the situation better, but there are still going to be people who want to drag you through it. In this situation, there’s also no way to resist. It’s true that you were lacking, in some way. I’ve endured a lot of this type of thing. But I always tell myself that when others are in the same position, I would never stoop low enough to be the person who hits them when they’re down. I will never. Rather, I would probably help them. I am that type of person. I’ve been subject to the rain, so I would gladly lend my umbrella to keep someone else out of it. Even if I don’t have the ability to block the rain, I hope at the very least that I am not going to be the person who throws water in someone’s face. I hope my fans can also be like this, okay? I hope you can be like this in life and at work. Don’t be the person who hits others when they’re down. We are self-sufficient and we can survive on our own. You can play with me and I will come to stream and chat with you. This is our own little paradise, as long as we don’t hit others while they’re down. Okay.

C: Buddha Liu, I’ll listen to you. LYN: I’m no Buddha. It’s just that there are some things where you reap what you sow. There’s such a thing as the butterfly effect in this world. In any case, let’s try our best not to make ripples.

LYN: There are times I also fall into the well. I will always remember the people who help me out of it. There are people who hit me when I ‘m down, and I believe I won’t hold a grudge. But I will be aware. I’m very clear minded. I won’t hold a grudge, but I will remember. As for the people who helped me, they could ask me for anything. I am really grateful. I believe that anyone can gild the lily (锦上添花), but not everyone can provide help in one’s hour of need (雪中送炭).

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C: The NCEE results are the day after tomorrow, someone save me! LYN: Um… were you here to make a wish when I first started my stream? I specialize in after-sales here. If you were here at the time I last streamed and there were a bunch of people telling me that they were taking the NCEE, and to help them. If you were here at that time, I probably… can’t afford to bear the responsibility of your result. My well-wishes won’t be of much use. But in my heart, I do wish you have good results. I wish your future is bright.

- /asks whoever is watching his stream for the first time to please subscribe to his weibo./ LYN: I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Lately I’ve been working on being a singer and actor, as well as cook and streamer. I have four jobs, though I’ve given up on being a cook for the time being. Streaming, acting, and singing are still going strong. I’m just a… three-legged toad.

C: I’m a new fan, who fell into the pit because of your visuals. LYN: I advise you to be more aware when using your eyes. Like when you’re playing on your phone, you should do so in a brightly lit room. Don’t play with your phone in a dark room- it will affect your eyesight. When you’re reading a book, too. Make sure that you have proper posture. Let’s be careful. Alright? Thank you to this friend, who starting liking me because of my visuals. C: It’s not that bad right, Lao-da? LYN: Of course not. I was just making a joke. I’m wearing bb cream today! If I weren’t and you say that I was disrespecting you, that would be fine. But I do have a base on, so I am visually passable, at least. There are so many people in my stream right now. I’m sure that if I weren’t at least passable, they wouldn’t have stuck around. What else do you want?? I look like a normal person. LYN: Aren’t I very confident, friends? I’m both “basic” and “confident”. This is the legendary pu-xin-nan- the “most trustworthy man in all the world.” (普天之下最适合信任的男人)

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C: We’re graduating. Please wish us a happy graduation! LYN: Am I some sort of… Wish Hotline? I used to listen to the radio and there were people calling in all the time, “Hello. I am [OO]’s school’s [OOO]. I want to request a song for the kids in my class. I hope that we can get good grades and when we graduate, we can all get into a good college. Thank you.” Am I a wishing well? Even if I were- even if I were that tortoise in the pond- /pause/ Oh, but my clothes really do look like it. What the heck?! I suddenly feel like I don’t want to wear this green anymore. I want to take it off. LYN: Even if I were the tortoise in the wishing well, you still have to throw some money in the pond before you can make your wish. I’m not trying to spread superstition, but you still have to throw money into the pond first! How can you expect me to fulfill your wish if you don’t give me anything in return? It doesn’t work. C: Tortoise? LYN: Yeah, isn’t there always a turtle in the pond, with it’s mouth open? To see who can get a coin in its mouth. Have you never seen one? How about this- let me pull up my QR and you all can transfer money at your will. Next time we will use this method for all wish requests. You can send me 1RMB when I pull up my code. C: Alright, let’s do it. LYN: Are you insulting me? I say 1RMB, and you want to pay. How about I make it 10RMB? You can skip a bunch of people in the queue. /chuckles/ LYN: I’m just joking, friends. Please don’t think that that was a serious request. Do you think I’m tired of living??

---------- break #1 (the neighbors are fighting) LYN: I’m back. The neighbors were just about to throw fists but I stopped them. They thought I was nice, to be able to go over and mediate, so they kept me for two mouthfuls of food. They were fighting over dinner, because one of the dishes was too spicy. Such is life- it’s normal to fight over small things. They thought I was nice, so they gave me a bowl and chopsticks and I had a bite. Then I came back. LYN: Oh, wait. Didn’t I go just to use the restroom? How did it turn into eating…?

C: I can recite the video now. LYN: If that’s the case, then it’s been a long time since I’ve seen this friend make new videos. Did they stop being my fan? // It’s okay- later I’ll download a few more and change it up. The break videos need to be “fresh”. LYN: You see? Do you see how serious it is when these fans who make videos for me stop being my fan? It means that I start lacking content for my stream. That’s the first problem. Secondly, I recall that I told them I would send them an autograph, but split it into four parts and distribute over four years. At the time, I was too soft-hearted and didn’t implement this method. I mailed them a complete autograph and now look where we are. I should have implemented that method. Split my autograph into four parts so that it would take them four years to complete one. I’m done for.

LYN: I’ve seen a bunch of new friends lately, and they’ve drawn lots of things for me. I really like it when you draw manhuas and some of them even make them into animations and give voices and everything. // But I haven’t been able to look through the posts lately, but also maybe you’re just not posting… C: Ning-ge, that’s on you. It’s because you haven’t been streaming lately so we have no material to work with. LYN: You’re right.

LYN: The other time I mentioned the friends that make videos for me, and how professional they are. Later I was scrolling and came across them again and they were saying how the person I mentioned was probably them. They didn’t care if it were anyone else, they were convinced it was them. It’s you, it’s you. There are really a lot of you who make videos for me, but the reason why I never say the creator’s name is just because there are so many. I can’t credit EVERYONE- I like to play fair. If I mention one person’s name but leave out someone else, they’re going to be unhappy and stop being my fan. “Ning-ge, I made so many videos for you but you didn’t say my name but did say someone else’s. Fine. I won’t make videos for you anymore. Bye.” LYN: I’m afraid of something like that happening. So in order to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings I just don’t mention anyone at all. But I watch them all. Think about my net speed. My idol is LYN. In this big data world everything is going to recommend me articles related to LYN. Even if I weren’t interested, they would still recommend posts to me. Of course, there’s no way I wouldn’t be interested. I am TOO interested in myself. I always like those posts, too.

C: What about consecutively responding to the same person? LYN: It really is random. I can’t really see each of the usernames, anyway. Also, you all can tell that it’s perfunctory anyway. Sometimes I see when you post in the Super Topic, you’re being perfunctory, too. There’s no helping it- it’s just how it works. We can be perfunctory with each other but still gain happiness from it, and that’s enough. We don’t need everything to have meaning. There’s no need. Let’s leave the meaningful stuff for the stream.

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C: Ning-ge, you’re trending. LYN: I don’t believe it. How could I be, I don’t have the right. I’m not worthy. C: Entertainment #46. LYN: That’s good. It’s just that when I start trending, people will know that I am streaming and maybe come in to check it out. You can think about it this way- if one of my streams can gain me 50 fans, if I stream ten times, how many fans would that get me? 5000! [??] Of these 5000 people, maybe about 500 of them could buy my concert tickets. Isn’t that great? That’s development. C: 50,000. LYN: Right. 50 new fans for 10 streams each. That’s 50,000 fans. LYN: See? This is why I didn’t make it to college. XD LYN: Some of you are really calculating for me, They’re telling me, “Ning-ge, 50 x 10 = 500.” Ehm… you can rest assured. When it comes to payments I will definitely calculate it correctly. That’s enough. It doesn’t matter if I say some nonsense the rest of the time.

LYN: I used to have this problem- which is that every time I find out I’m trending I want to sing a song. I want the people who come in to my stream because of the trending topic to be welcomed in to the sound of song. But something happened to me before, which is that as soon as I started singing, my ranking in the trending topics dropped. I don’t know why it happened- did that trending topic expect me to promote something that I didn’t deliver? No. But now I’m afraid to sing. So… C: You’re at #50. LYN: Okay. I hope it doesn’t drop off the list, is all.

LYN: When I first started streaming a lot of friends came in to ask if I was streaming because I needed to dispel some rumors. Dispel what rumors? Is there some project recently that mentioned me, I want to know. Was there any project that stated I was a part of it, lately? No, right? At least I didn’t see it. LYN: I’ve said this before- there’s something about fans… as soon as a project mentions their idol they will all go to leave a comment, saying stop trying to profit from their popularity. It’s not true if it isn’t officially announced. But I look on it kindly. If a project mentioned me it means that at the least I have some credibility behind my name. - C: (Trending at) Main tab at #16 LYN: Really, I don’t believe it. Wasn’t I just in the Entertainment tab at #39? C: Main #17. LYN: Really? Don’t trick me. C: #16. LYN: Let me take a look. /// I see it at #20. Not bad, not bad. Thank you. I really want to thank you, because for an artist at my level I am not very popular. I am very satisfied having a trending topic on main. I thank all of you good friends. It’s because you are here keeping my company and watching my stream that I am able to have this topic. Thank you. Now I… thank you. LYN: If you haven’t yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. You can subscribe. It’s not shameful. Thank you. - LYN: But back to what we were saying- I think it’s nice that people can think to mention me. But- /cuts himself off/ C: You have a great mindset. LYN: Yeah. I think in work and in life it’s important to have a good state of mind. I used to be a person who would go through extremes, but after these few years of tempering I’ve developed a better way of thinking. I’m more mature. Since I am older, after all.

C: How did you change? LYN: How do people change? Through experience. If you don’t experience anything and just smoothly sail through life and don’t encounter problems, if you live in your little bubble- you won’t change. You need to experience things in order to change. I’ve experienced a lot. But I’m thankful for them because they allowed me to become stronger. I think I am a better person than before. C: NIng-ge, you sound like my dad. LYN: You don’t need to be so polite. Perhaps your parents will try to tell you reason, but maybe not everything they say is correct. Still, they want to share and whether or not you accept their advice is up to you.

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C: Are you the ML in Yue Ming Qian Li (In the Moonlight)? LYN: /laughs/ YMQL is…?? Um… Isn’t it Ming Yue Qian Li? Or is it Yue Ming Qian Li? [t/n: it’s both] I don’t know about it. It is Linmon’s production? Oh- if you put it that way, then I DO know about it. Linmon’s projects are definitely going to be very good- why? Because I’ve worked with them before. YNGS is Linmon’s. I’ve also sung a few songs for Linmon productions. Like that one with Wu Lei and Zhou Yutong (Nothing but You). YMQL is also Linmon’s? In that case it won’t be bad! LYN: Is the ML in that drama a monk? What is that one? In any case, I haven’t heard any news from Linmon about it. I’m guessing that after YNGS, Linmon wasn’t very satisfied with me. (X’D) They weren’t satisfied with me, so they haven’t come to contact me. I haven’t received the script for it.

-/gets sidetracked by types of zongzi for a little bit/

C: Is the second pairing true? LYN: With who?? HZT? QJJ? GJ? Who am I going to be working again with? LYN: I might work again with Zhao- with HZT. He’s always telling me his company has a project they’re looking to hire me for. I’ve been waiting for three years. He keeps telling me they want to hire me for something but I’ve waited three years and heard nothing. I don’t know why that is. C: Do you have any projects with the Big Support Bro (ZSX)? LYN: We probably have a chance to work together again. - LYN: This song- why is it that the more I listen to it the more down I feel? - /switches the song/ - LYN: If I work together with ZSX again, it will be for the third time. - C: What does “down” mean? LYN: That you are in low sprits. Up and Down. Up is happy. Down is less. Not to say that it means I am unhappy, but your spirits aren’t as high. LYN: “What does “down” mean?” See- you can even learn English in my stream. I know my English isn’t that great but you’ve learned a new vocabulary today: “down”. There’s a related word, and that’s “emo”.

C: What about Chu Shen (God of Cooking)? LYN: I actually do know about that project. /doesn’t elaborate/ LYN: Someone mentioned Shi Jin (什锦) earlier, I really don’t know about it. LYN: Even though I am someone who is on the path to becoming an actor I know that to an actor, it’s “one minute on screen and sixty seconds off.” You can think about it.

----------

C: Can you change the bgm? LYN: You came to request songs? Yes, I can change it. I just want to create the right mood for the stream. This song is more upbeat, so I hoped that it would brighten your mood. /switches the bgm to Ling Yun Ji & sings along/ -- 凌云寂 (Ling Yun Ji) C: You’re on the main tab at #16. // Trending at #12. LYN: Then I should stop singing, because I don’t want it to drop. I should collect myself, right?

C: I want to hear it. LYN: Then I should sing one properly. /starts playing Rang Jiu/ Not this one. C: Praying. LYN: But I think I have to sing that at another upcoming event. Shh. I can’t sing it too often. C: You Say Love. LYN: Okay. Let’s do it. - /starts playing the track, misses the timing to start singing/ LYN: I was nervous. Excuse me. I’m nervous because I’m trending. Let’s try that again. Let me add some special effects- so that you can think it’s cooler. -- 你說愛情啊 (You Say Love) LYN: I don’t even need to guess to know- my trending topic dropped.

C: Ning-ge, let’s hear a ballad. LYN: I actually quite like ballads. I heard one from Zhao Lei the other day. This song is called… -- 我记得 (I Remember) LYN: It’s so low?? This song has me dumbfounded. Why? Because the high notes are too high and the low notes are too low. This person is extraordinary! C: Lower it an octave. LYN: No- X’D. The other day I couldn’t hit the high notes. Today I can’t hit the low. Oh my goodness. And I call myself a singer?? This is it. I’m BBQ-d. Let me try again. I’ll cotnrol myself. /deep breath in, loonnggg breath out/ /low voice/ Okay. I’m ready. I’m sure it won’t be a problem now. -- 我记得 (I Remember) (Take 2) LYN; This song is very nice, but I can’t sing it well. Honestly I can’t get that low. But it is a very nice song that I want to share with you.

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C: Ning-ge turned the brightening feature on. LYN: I’m finding that a lot of you tonight are questioning how white I am, asking if I have turned on the beauty whitening feature. Is that even something you need to ask?? Of course it’s on! You don’t need to doubt. LYN: Be more confident! If you come into my stream and think that I look a little handsome, you don’t need to ask whether I’ve turned on beauty filters or not. I have. Blur, beauty, and brightening are all on. C: Ning-ge, you’re a big customer of the beauty filter. LYN: Do you think you’re very funny? I’m sure that even without it I look better than you do. LOL. I’m comparing my looks to that of a fan’s.

C: Ning-ge, is there a staff member behind you? LYN: Don’t try to scare me. There are always people who ask me how many people there are in the streaming room with me, to control the laugh track, music, and special effects. Friends, it’s just me. I have a habit, which is that when I’m streaming there can’t be anyone else in the room with me. Otherwise I won’t be able to let loose. Sometimes I go crazy and if there’s someone else in the room with me, my attention will be split. But as long as I stream, there’s no one else in the room with me. LYN: I can have my dog, though. She’s very quiet, so she can stay with me. C: I want to see Daimi. LYN: She’s celebrating her birthday- no, she’s sleeping. I saw someone say that it was their birthday at the same time I was trying to say that Daimi was sleeping. Sorry about that. Happy birthday! To everyone who is celebrating a birthday today, Happy Birthday. I hope your year goes smoothly and you’re happy every day. C: There used to be people, though. LYN: You’re talking about Da Fei and Ah Zhuo! They exist but they don’t really talk much. That’s the first thing- second, I’m already used to them. But my staff- won’t be here with me.

C: When is ZY airing? LYN: It just finished being filmed. I don’t think it will be coming this year. Maybe next year. Many of you here probably aren’t my fan- you might be fans of other artists or singers. Let’s say an actor finished filming for a drama. If it’s a guzhuang drama, it will take about a year for post-production. No less than 7-8 months. It will air more or less in a year. Could be less, could be more. ZY wrapped in May. It’s only been a month since then. C: I’m looking forward to it! LYN: Don’t have too high expectations. If you expect too much, you won’t be as surprised by it. Even if a drama were actually a nice watch, if you expect too much then it won’t live up to your imagination. You’ll think it’s just okay. A lot of things are like this. Why do you think so many people are saying that actually LYN can act pretty well? It’s because they had low expectations for me to begin with. They consider me a singer, so don’t expect my acting to be very good.

---------- /gaming/

LYN: Lately I’ve come across a video- there are some that praise me. There was one that was saying, “Actually, LYN sings very nicely” and they were praising my line work, but I know that my lines need work. I’m saying it here first- I know I need work. But there are some people who think I’m doing a good job. I saw a comment that read, “Of course LYN’s lines are good. He’s a singer. It’s normal for a singer to be able to say their lines well.” ?_? What sort of logic is that?? After I saw that I was so confused- because it wasn’t just the one person, so many people were saying the same thing. It’s normal for a singer to be able to say lines well???

LYN: I know I’m not good. But they were just using this expression. Up to this day I still don’t understand what they mean by it. Like.. WHY would a singer be able to say lines well??? From a scientific perspective, maybe it’s because a singer would know how to control their voice. As a singer, they would understand their tone and how to execute sound- is that it? I think.. If we’re looking at it from that perspective, it works. It can be explained well. “As a professional singer, they’ve learned and know how to produce sounds. They know from where the sound comes and how to adjust. So singers have an inborn talent for saying lines.” This is how they explained it. This might work for other people but I never LEARNED how to sing. People all say that I am just an “internet famous” singer- I never learned. I learned how to be a cook. But the problem is- I’m saying this as an actor myself- shouldn’t it be normal that an actor can say their lines well? I don’t get why it would make sense that a singer should say lines well- this logic doesn’t track. Of course, /I/ can’t say my lines well- I’ve said this three times already.

LYN: You can’t use the word “should be able to” to deny other people’s hard work. How can that work? Do you know how much they sacrificed, silently? When others were playing Honor of Kings, what was I doing? /fake cries/ I was playing League of Legends! Do you think I could be the same as everyone else? I worked harder than them- when they were playing HoK, I was playing LoL AND [OO] [t/n: idk games]. I was doing two things at the same time- I worked harder than them. This is why you shouldn’t use the word “should be able to” to deny the efforts of others, okay? Thanks. - /comments saying how amazing he is./ LYN: What’s amazing about that? You just play for a couple hours on one account and then switch to another. You can do it, too. You can even play three games at the same time. If you did that then you’re even more hard-working than I am. I’m sure you can surpass me. Jiayou.

C: I need a computer and two phones. LYN: What are you telling me for? Go buy them yourself. Go online. Choose your accessories- what type of phone you want and what type of computer. Don’t tell me; it has nothing to do with me. Once you mention that you need something in my stream, I always suspect that you are asking me to buy it for you. You want me to raffle it off. C: You want me to play more games. LYN: No. I want you to read more books. Our efforts are focused in different directions. Friends, honestly, you don’t need to play Honor of Kings well as an artist in order to be superior. As long as you put your heart into doing one thing, you will always find a path. There used to be game-playing variety shows that looked for me and asked me how well I played. I told them I was sorry, that I didn’t play very well. At those times, I had missed my opportunity to be on a show. There were really so many events and game platforms that had inquired about how well I played. My studio relayed the message and asked me, and I replied, “What is that? Is it like Minesweeper?”

C: Ask Keyu-didi to teach you. LYN: I’m sure he can play very well. These young kids are all very quick to pick things up. When I was in the drama crew there were always actors playing HoK in their free time. It was after we wrapped for the day and they wanted to get together to play a round. I didn’t know how to play. But if I didn’t join in, maybe they would seem like I was not interested in getting along with them. I didn’t want them to think I thought I was better than them and didn’t want to associate. It was okay at first but later I found out that more and more people were into playing it! Honestly, I’ve played it before. When it was first released, I played it for a short while but then I started working; I got popular. I couldn’t afford to let myself play games. But one day I couldn’t take it anymore. SInce everyone else was playing it, I thought I would also start. So I downloaded the game/ Friends- I do things differently from normal people. There’s always a process. Once I decide on doing something, I have to do it the best. The first thing I did was go to Baidu… and look-up: “What type of Hero should a newbie playing HoK choose?” There were so many suggestions. I piicked a Hero. Okay. Next, “What should a newbie playing HoK do?” I spent about two hours that day looking at all the suggestions and tips. By the time I was done I was sleepy. I went to sleep. The next day all of a sudden, I didn’t feel like playing anymore. So in the end, I never got to playing.

C: You looked up all that stuff for nothing. LYN: Not necessarily. Friends, never think that anything you do is for nothing. One day it will become useful. At the very least through this study, I learned how many heroes there are in HoK. If someone comes to ask me about it and if I play, at least I have something I can say in return. I can manage to hold some conversation. LYN: See- Didn’t it become useful, in the end? Even if you don’t know very much, you can pretend that you understand it. They will think you actually play, but it becomes a common topic of conversation and you can more easily become friends.

C: Do you play Genshin Impact? LYN: I do! I have to know a little about a lot of things. I’ve tried Genshin Impact. I had a good buddy and I asked him what he was up to and he told me he started playing GI. This was many years ago. I said, “What is... Genshin Impact?” He told me to play it so I went to download it. I’m the type of person who starts putting their money into the game- it started asking for money so I can choose a character. There were some for 20RMB that looked so cool. So I picked two cards and ended up getting two really good characters. After that I… stopped playing. Because there was no auto-play. I hate that I had control even the walking and climbing on my own. I play games to release stress, but this game GAVE me stress. I had to walk on my own?? I couldn’t stand it. I spent money on the game, but felt like I was the one putting the work into it.

- /more talk about games/ - /can’t take the too intense ones, because his heart can’t take it/ - /can’t take the games where there is no VIP status- the ones with freebies once you reach a certain level/

C: He got excited talking about games! LYN: A lot of you aren’t interested, is that it?

- /a bit more about games- basically people asking if he’s played [OO] game or not. He says yes or no and a little about what ended up happening with the game./ - /can’t take strategy games and ended up losing bc he doesn’t want to work his brain/ - /downloaded some but haven’t played because the intro is too long and he doesn’t have a lot of time to wait around for gameplay to actually start/

LYN: In a few days I’m planning to play a new game with HZT. But I won’t tell you the name of it, or it’ll seem like I’m trying to promote it. He called me the other day and told me the game was going to go live, and if we should play. I told him I’ve played games with him for three years but he’s never reimbursed me once. I said, “How about I put 500RMB into the game, and you reimburse me 500RMB?” At the time I told him I would play with him. I would put 1000RMB into the game, and he would only need to reimburse me 500RMB- because the other 500RMB is mine. I would be happy with that arrangement, and is that okay with him? He said, no and that we had to play during the initial release or it wouldn’t be any fun. I made plans with him for the end of the month LYN: I played a game with him before- he wanted me to play with him. He told me we had to fight with another team, so we did. We put so much money into that game I was dizzy. Later when I saw the bill my wallet hurt. But then he turned around and became the spokesperson for that game! He got the money back. Do you think that was something a human would do?? We were playing together- we both put money into it. I think he spent three times more than I did, though. And then later he becomes the spokesperson for the game and pretty much makes that money back. Was it wrong for me to ask him to reimburse me? I don’t think so! You tricked me into playing a game with you and later made the money back by becoming the game’s spokesperson, but I am still left with nothing. If you made some money and then shared even one-third of your earnings with me, that would be fair wouldn’t it? XDD C: This just means you didn’t spend enough. LYN: It’s not about how much money I put into it… LYN: The more I think about it the angrier I get. /joking/

LYN: Alright, let’s end the talk of gaming here. I am someone of the age of the internet. People who have been with me for a long time know that I used to dabble as a gaming streamer. But… I probably can’t do that now. I don’t have the rights. The other platform used to have some collaboration so it wasn’t a problem but copyright might be an issue now. But Minesweeper shouldn’t be a problem. LYN: I always play Spider Solitaire, do you want me to play for you? Let me see if I can do it. Does this computer have it? Or Minesweeper? // It’s not here. Does this system not have it? How could it not have such an amazing game?

C: Don’t be too excessive. LYN: My stream is always excessive. If it’s not, then I don’t do it.

C: There’s a web version. LYN: If it’s not on the system, then let me look it up online. Okay. It wants me to download- can I not play if I don’t download it first? …Let’s forget about it. These websites look shady.

LYN: Alright. Talk of gaming ends here. But it seems like a lot of you enjoy playing games as well. It’s great to have a common topic. LYN: That’s why, friends, you have to work hard in life. When other people are playing HoK, as a singer or an actor you have to start playing LoL and etc. >.>

- /continues to talk about games. :p he doesn’t like playing vs games because it requires a lot of time to practice/train your heroes in order to win. he doesn’t have the time to grind, and thus always loses. no one feels great about losing./

C: Ning-ge, I’ll take you with me. LYN: Meaning you are a skilled player, right? I don’t like playing with people who play the game well. Because then I will feel worthless. If all I had to do was follow you around and you were over there telling me, “Follow me, follow me. Hide! I’ll fight them for you. Don’t come out. I’ll save you, I’ll save you.” I’ll feel useless. No. I need to face it on my own.

---------- break #2 LYN: That reminds me. I have a trailer for BCF. Some other day I should download the trailers for YNGS and ZY. I could play them during breaks in my stream. Later when the platforms find me, I have another method of promotion. Not only do you have after-sales services for OSTs but there are now after-sales services for dramas. Next time I will download all the trailers- including TXJ. I’ll play them during my stream. As long as it plays through once, I will contact the marketing team and ask them for 200RMB. I’m sure that price isn’t too much, for the platforms I’ve worked with. Right? Right now I can contact three different teams. In one day I might be able to make 600RMB.

LYN: This is coffee! Not beer. /shows the can/ This isn’t an advertisement! I was just telling you that this is coffee. I needed to dispel the rumors in advance. When I poured it into my cup I realized it might be a strange color. C: Drinking herbal medicine? LYN: LOL. I’m drinking dark soy sauce.

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LYN: Because I’ve started playing with the beads, I’ve started to wash my hands more often. When you count the beads you have to have clean hands. So when I feel like my hands are dirty I go to wash them. C: Can we see them? LYN: What’s there to see?? You’re making it out to seem as if I am trying to sell you products! Am I here to sell you beads? C: Let’s see. LYN: Are there really so many bead-friends in the stream? The last stream I told you I wanted to started playing with beads and I was afraid that it would age me. But you told me that now elementary school kids play with the beads. What do they call it “rao zi rou”? I see their small hands can move quite quickly. Since you told me that elementary school kids play with it, then that means it’s okay for me to pursue this hobby that those born after ‘00 enjoy. C: Let’s see! LYN: Okay, wait for me to get them. Since we’re going to start counting beads I should play more fitting music. Let me go get it, hold on. LYN: It really seems like I’m trying to sell you something. I can’t take it. It’s just a string of beads… LYN: Here, these are the beads I’ve been playing with.

LYN: This is a string of 百香籽 (Passion Seed/Cedar Seed/Bodhi Bead). Here, you can look at it. LYN: I just started. I also have another set that I haven’t started working on. C: Open the lines! (for purchasing) LYN: /sigh/ I’m not selling it. If you want to buy it, go online and buy them yourself. C: They must be fake, right? LYN: See? You must not have seen good things. C: Wutaishan has the same thing for 30RMB. LYN: The worth of this thing is not how much money it cost you to buy. The more you use them, the more value you hold. If you think they’re worth 30RMB, then they are. If you think they’re worth 1M, then they are. If you think they’re worthless, you wouldn’t take them even if I gave them to you. It’s just wood- seeds. It’s a plant- how much money do you think it could be worth? It’s not as if these are gold pieces, where it would be difficult to acquire more. These grow every year- they won’t have a very high price, but they’ll have value in your heart. They’re worth however much you think of them. C: You spent too much. The fake ones are all 15RMB. LYN: Okay.

C: The most valuable thing is on your arm. LYN: Are you talking about my watch? … WHY are you looking at my watch?!?

C: It looks like you’ve played with those beads for 30-40 years already. LYN: I just bought this and I’ve only had it for a month! I told you during the last stream that I would start. I bought these right after that. It hasn’t even been half a month. It wasn’t that long.

C: Buy a string for Daimi. LYN: It would change color right away. These change color quickly. In any case it’s for fun. It’s nice to have something in hand that you can use to relieve stress. I saw a lot of friends were showing off their own strings in the group chat. You’re amazing. Certainly better than me, because I don’t quite get it yet. C: Watch out for Daimi. It might be dangerous. LYN: Do you think she’ll mistake these for peanuts and eat them? Daimi’s special in that she doesn’t like to eat peanuts. Sometimes when I try to give them to her she doesn’t eat them. So you don’t have to worry. She’s not interested in these things. She only eats sausages.

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C: Is this a real person streaming? LYN: I am an AI. LYN: Hello. Welcome. To. Modern Brothers Liu Yuning’s. Livestream. /blink/ LYN: Hello. If you have not subscribed to this weibo. Please subscribe. Thank you. /blink/

LYN: I want to say something though! I’ve been seeing that you’ve been using some AI programs to switch my face in to a video. Please don’t do that. They’re not something that just anybody can play with. You don’t have the right to use my likeness to make anything you want. If you like to make them, you can watch them in the privacy of your own home- that’s your freedom. Just don’t spread it around. Alright? Don’t mess around. LYN: You think it’s fun and there is no ill-intent, but these things themselves are prohibited. Try not to play with them too much. If you have spread it already- delete it.

C: Can you wish my 13 year old daughter a happy birthday? LYN: Of course I can. But… I think the thing she needs the most is your company. Stop watching my stream. Go play with her. She’s thirteen- you should be playing with her. Stop watching my stream. Hurry and go. LYN: I wish your daughter a happy birthday. I hope she can grow up happy and healthy and do well in school. But the thing she needs the most right now is you. Either make her something nice to eat or play with her a little. My blessings aren’t that important. LYN: I want to gift this song to everyone here. -- 祝你平安 (Wishing You Well) [Sun Ye]

LYN: This song is for the girl who is having her thirteenth birthday today. Happy Birthday and I wish you well. C: Is 13 very young? LYN: I never said it was young. I just mentioned that her mom was here, when she should have been keeping her daughter company. My meaning was that what she needed the most was her mom to keep her company, not me telling her “Happy Brithday.” She probably doesn’t even know me. I don’t think thirteen year olds are interested in me.

C: I’m 12. // Lao-da, I’m 13. // I’m 15. // 16. // 19. LYN: There’s even a six year old?? C: Ning-ge, I’m 18. // 16. // 20. // 17. 15. /// I’m 8. LYN: /sigh/ I don’t know if what you’re saying is true or not, but I believe at least some of you are telling the truth. If that’s the case I think we need to adjust my streaming degree and content to cater towards these younger individuals. Isn’t that right? And I should also be more aware and watch the things I say. Right? - /plays the Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf theme song/

LYN: Now we will become a model for young youths. C: Little kids don’t watch Pleasant Goat anymore. LYN: Yeah, they’re watching Heroes (SYXSSYX) now. I’m sure they’re planning on watching my dramas now. C: They’re tricking you. LYN: What do I care? They can’t fool me.

C: Lao-da, are your eyes open? LYN: /doubting life/ Someone asked me if my eyes were open… I think those are the cruelest words I’ve heard tonight. Many of you were saying that I’m so white I look like I’ve been dead for three days, and I didn’t get angry. But this friend just asked me if my eyes were open… they feel like I’m about to fall asleep. This… this comment deals double damage. I’ve been attacked.

LYN: It doesn’t matter. I don’t want you to be able to see my eyes, so you can’t tell what I’m thinking. People’s eyes are the windows to their soul, right? By looking into someone’s eyes you can tell what they’re thinking or how they feel. Right now you can’t see my eyes. So that means you can’t see through me. LYN: Dear Friend, in the next few days you might receive a document from LYN’s Legal Team. My studio will put in a request for a document and send it to you. Prepare to receive it. Make sure you are reachable by phone.

- /looking at his drink/ LYN: ?! Why would there be sediment in this?? /makes barfing sounds/ /pours it out/ LYN: I’m not drinking that anymore. It wasn’t coffee grounds, it was something white. LYN: Let’s just drink some water.

C: Ning-ge, are you doing magic? There was something dark in the glass and now it’s clear water. LYN: You really are 13. Now I really BELIEVE you’re 13 years old. Why else would you be here, pretending to be cute? Either that or you truly are a bit foolish. I believe it now. You don’t need to convince me.

C: You put on lipstick? LYN: No. I don’t put on lipstick. Even though I do have a makeup collaboration- with Givenchy- I didn’t apply any lipstick today. /wipes his lips/ It’s because this beauty filter is on. It gives me a lip color. :P To make my complexion look better. C: Ning-ge, if the filter is on then why are your eyes still so small? LYN: My filters are different from your filters. My filters don’t alter my features. I only adjust the skin settings- I turn up the blur and brightening, but I don’t change my features. I’m an actor- you have to see my every day. If I- - LYN: Hold on, someone’s ringing my doorbell. Let me play a video and I’ll go see who it is. Is it takeout or something? LYN: They ordered some food for me. My staff were worried I was going to starve to death. They probably figured by this time of night I would have already stopped streaming already. C: Scared me to death! Call the cops, quick! LYN: Meimei- I’m 1.89cm tall and I;ve been working out lately! Also, this community is pretty nice. Plus I have a dog! Are you messing with me? I have a dog keeping me company- if anyone tried anything on me Daimi would eat them! She’ll eat them! So don’t worry, Everything’s fine.

----------

C: Ning-ge, you actually know English? LYN: Of course. A little. I only know a little. I know I didn’t go to college, but I still went to school. C: Marry me. LYN: Areyou crazy? You think I don’t understand what that means?? Or do you know that I know what it means and you’re provoking me on purpose?? Someone typed “Marry Me” into the comments. I will reply to you with two words: Get out. Shut up. C: Can you kiss me? LYN: Go to sleep. You can have a good dream.

LYN: My stream suddenly went from a Gaming Cafe to the English Corner. There are some kids in here who are only 8 years old. They might not have started learning English in schools yet. So now when we’re talking they can’t understand. I already told you we were entering “Young Youths” mode. We can’t speak for too long in English, because I also don’t know that much. If I keep going I’m might expose myself.

LYN: Are you not ashamed by the English you’re typing out?? You’re just a young girl, how could you not watch out for yourself? I’m going to take a screenshot and send it to your mother! If you keep sending me untoward English I’m going to take a screen-cap and send it to your mom. I’ll show her what her kid goes around saying online. “Go to sleep with me”??? Your imagination is getting ahead of yourself. If your mom knew you were online saying those types of things she would beat you to death! Just you wait- I’m going to send it to your mother.

C: My mom can’t understand. LYN: I’ll translate it for her! I’ll tell her, “Look at what nonsense your daughter is saying. How improper!”

C: You have my contact info? LYN: You think that’s a good thing? This story is to tell you that the internet is not a lawless place. If I want to find you, I can. Remember my words. C: Oh, there’s such a good thing? You’ll come find me?

LYN: If you’re chasing this star, we provide door-service. I’ll come up to your door and knock on it. “Hello. I am Liu Yuning. I’m here. See?”

C: My mother not at home. LYN: Oh my goodness! If you’re using such simple English to talk to me I feel like you’re insulting me! But if you use too complex English, I won’t understand. I’m conflicted. The English you’re using is too simple, so I feel like you’re insulting me because you don’t think I can understand anything more. But if you really type out something complicated, then I REALLY won’t understand.

LYN: Okay, that’s enough. Okay. Okay. Stop. Thank you.

----------

C: You changed so many topics all night. LYN: A stream is like this. Do you think this is a math class and I’m going to spend all night telling you about math? It’s random- I just talk about whatever I want to. Someone even asked me if my stream has a script. There’s no script. I just see what you’re commenting and pick up a topic. That’s the charm of a stream- it’s live and I’m just here chatting with you. I don’t really prepare anything. LYN: At most I just make note that I need to promote CFD. I’ve sung an OST for it. It’s currently airing and pretty hot, so if you have time you can check it out. LYN: You want me to sing it, but the song hasn’t been released yet! The drama is airing but the song isn’t out. I’ll sing it when it’s out.

C: I don’t want to hear OSTs anymore. I want to watch your dramas. LYN: Shut your mouth! You’re going to make me lose the market! This is one of my own fans lamenting the fact that I keep releasing OSTs, but the last time one of my dramas was released was already two years ago now. Has it been two years? No, right? A little more than one year. This is normal though. It’s not like a song or a variety show- when you can film it one month and it will air the next. People can see it with a quicker turnaround. Normally for dramas it takes one year, up to two, before it airs. LYN: Luckily I’ve been continuously filming for the past few years. I’ve been in Hengdian for three years straight. So I have some in stock, at least. Once my dramas start to air I’m guessing there’s no stopping them. They’re all about ready to air.

LYN: Someone came to ask about ALZ again. I really don’t know. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. But I really don’t know. I hope it can air soon- I hope all of my dramas can air soon. Otherwise what’s the point of letting them sit there?? I want them to air! I feel the same as you. What’s the point of keeping them? LYN: I don’t have a drama or an album. I need the drama to air so that my fans can maintain their attachment to me.I don’t have a drama or anything right now, but were are still able to maintain this familiarity with each other which I think is great.

LYN: This is really normal. Let’s say an actor’s drama airs and because of this role, many people start to like this actor. If they don’t release anything for a long time after that, it’s normal for people to turn their attention elsewhere. I also hope that the dramas I’ve filmed- I’ve been filming for three years, now- can also quickly be aired. Even if I can’t attract new fans, at least my old fans can watch. I need to give them something to look at, so they stick.

----------

C: Ning-ge, the day after tomorrow is NCEE results, what do I do? LYN: What are you asking me for? How would I know? Do you want me to give you a job?? LYN: “What do I do”? That sounds like you didn’t test well or something. You don’t need to be nervous. Everything that happens is for the best. “What do I do”? What do you want to do? Are you planning to run away? Don’t do that. It’s okay. A test is only a very very small experience in your life. If you don’t do well this year, maybe you can take it again next. Or if you didn’t get the results you wanted, it really doesn’t matter. Look at me and you’ll understand. I didn’t even go to college, but I went to culinary school. I went to a technical school. But I still made it to where I am today where you can recognize me, and that’s my honor. But look at me. I may have had a lot of failures in my past. But if the light doesn’t shine in the east, it will shine in the west. This test is not your only path forward, but it is a better path. What happens if you don’t have good results? There will be other opportunities. This test doesn’t determine the rest of your life. No way. LYN: You don’t need to have too much pressure. There are a lot of things you’ll experience that will make you feel really sad/upset about them. It might devastate you and make you think you can’t live anymore. But once half a year has passed- maybe three months, even- if you look back on this thing that made grieve and upset, it’s actually nothing at all. After half a year you’ll think even less of it. After a year you’ll look back on this moment and wonder why you were so weak. You might make fun of yourself, thinking, “I was too young. I was too weak. This is nothing.” LYN: Anything you’re experiencing right now isn’t very important. It’s not something that can make you stumble. After a while you’ll look back on it and think its laughable. LYN: A friend shared a poem to describe this: 轻舟已过万重山. (A brisk boat sails through thousands of green mountains. // You’ll encounter thousands of hardships but still sail through)

- /comments of poems start to flow in/ LYN: I just want to say my fans are so well-educated. Two minutes ago we were using English to communicate and now we’re using poems! If you want to question how well-cultured LYN’s stream or the people who watch the stream are, you’d better think twice.

C: Left foot Tsinghua and right foot Beida. LYN: What is that? Now you’re being too obvious. Our current segment is using metaphor and allusion. You’re being a little too forward with that comment.

LYN: To that person who was wondering what they would do when the test results came out, many of your friends here have used a poem to advise you. But I can’t always let them take the credit, so let me also tell you a poem, too: You are a light in the darkness. You’ll illuminate- … How do the lyrics go?? Oh- You’ll illuminate the ashes of the past. - [t/n:these are the lyrics to 黑夜一束光 (Praying)]

C: 三十年河东,三十年河西. 莫期少年穷. *(Thirty years in the east, thirty years in the west. (Feng Shui turns and the world changes.) Don’t bully the young man because he is poor now.) LYN: I think you can gift this saying to me. Thirty years (old) in the east and thirty years (old) in the west… But if this is directed towards that friend who has taken the NCEE, then it’s an attack. For example, let’s say they still can’t get a good result after three years. Then you’re basically telling them that they can only meet west after they’re thirty. That means they have to be patient for more than a decade. This saying doesn’t suit them.

LYN: Of course, playing is playing and joking is joking. But this is really nothing. If you don’t get a good score you can retake the test. That’s the first path. Secondly, if you don’t want to take the test again, then maybe it was for the best. But when you face your next test/chalenge, I hope you can seize the opportunity. But in the end, it’s really not a big deal. Really. I honestly feel like it’s not a big deal. LYN: As long as you’re alive and healthy, and everyone you love is also alive and well, then that’s the best place you can be. Nothing else really matters.

LYN: People who know me a little should all know what all I used to do. I learned how to be a cook. After that, I worked in a restaurant- learning the trade on the job. I did all sorts of work. Later I got sick and couldn’t be a cook. Since I already understood the industry, I worked as a waiter in the restaurant instead. I would deliver dishes and take orders. It wasn’t a temporary thing while I looked for something else- I did it for 2-3 years. Just as a waiter. I worked as a waitstaff in a bathhouse. I worked as a clothing shop clerk. I worked in each of these jobs for many years. At the time I thought of myself as without a place- I thought that was all I could amount to and that’s just how life was. It was useless to have dreams and aspirations because that was reality. Reality can make you stumble. It will make you accept your fate. There’s this sort of cycle. It will make you think that your life at the time is very hard. But to me, at this point in my life I am thankful for those experiences. LYN: I’m not saying that to be nice. I will think on those experiences and apply it to whatever I do whether that’s singing or acting. As an actor- let me just say what I want to, though I know it might not be accurate- let’s say that you’re supposed to act as someone who has been locked in a place and hasn’t eaten for three days. How are you supposed to act out those feelings? There are limits to a person’s imagination, but if you’ve real-world experience and take from those experiences to apply it to acting, that’s the best you can do. I have never experienced having gone without food for three days, but I know what it feels like to be hungry.

LYN: Let me tell you when I was at my poorest. I had just come back from a competition and I didn’t have a penny on me. I’d been like like for a long time, with only 1RMB that I asked my grandpa for every day. I had found a job but only made 1RMB a day- I was already over twenty years old. In the afternoon I would sell clothing, and we would eat in shifts. After the first shift came back from their lunch they told me to go. So I went. What did I eat? I didn’t have the money to eat. I only had 1RMB, what could I eat? But I went downstairs, and found some corner- because I didn’t want my coworkers to see me. I just sat there and watched the people pass. After around 20-30 minutes, I went back upstairs and told them I had eaten. I continued to work. I spent about a month like that- it’s not long, but that’s how I spent it. C: You couldn’t go home to eat? LYN: At that time I was living with my grandpa, and he doesn’t cook. My aunts and uncles would prepare food for him and send it to him. It’s not that they didn’t care about me, but that I didn’t let it show that I was doing poorly. They thought I was living well. So, they would prepare good for him and I would find something for myself to eat. I would go home and just cook a pot of rice- very small, it only makes about two bowls? I would make rice and have some Chinese broccoli. One meal a day. I’d go home and make a pot of rice that equalled to about three bowls and just furiously eat the rice.

LYN: That’s just one of my experiences- I’ve been through a lot. But now that I have come to be an actor, I am thankful for those experiences. I know how it feels to have dreams but be unable to chase them. I know what it feels like to have a desire for something, and what it feels like to have gotten that thing. I’m thankful for the experiences I had when I was living at the bottom of society. It wasn’t just for one or two years. I spent 5-10 years like that, but I’m thankful for what I learned. As an actor now, I can borrow from those memories. If I grew up in a well-off environment where everything came to me easily and I didn’t want for anything, and the director now wanted me to be in a desperate state, do you believe they would be able to pull it off? I’m sure they would understand, but they might not get the reference. Because they didn’t personally experience these hardships. Those experiences have become my advantages now. LYN: I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I just want to share. I want you to know that the things you are experiencing at this moment may become a benefit to you in the future. They’re your assets. I don’t like playing the pity card because I am doing well for myself now. I’m worlds different from where I was before. But you still have to experience those hardships in order to cherish what you have now. I don’t want to make you feel sorry for me, because that time has already passed. I’ve gotten over it. So I’m not trying to make you pity me, I’m just sharing.

LYN: I’ve always believed that most things were up to life. I firmly believe that the reason I am here today is because I am lucky. You can’t gain a lot of things through hard work alone. I’m not trying to say that I worked so hard for what I have today. That I am able to know you and accept these acting roles is because of all my hard work. No. This is not something you can gain through hard work. - [t/n: idk what song he is referring to, here.] LYN: Hard work isn’t the reason I have what I have today. But the problem is if you DON’T work hard, then you definitely won’t gain anything. That’s a definite. If you don’t work hard, you won’t gain anything. (It’s a catch-22).

----------

LYN: It’s about time. I’ll stop streaming at 11p. I’ll chat with you for ten more minutes. LYN: I’m not sure about when the next time I stream will be, but I definitely will come if I have time. I just have a lot of work piled up right now. I didn’t really sing much today because I have to reserve my voice- I’ve already SPOKEN enough. But the work in the next few days will require my voice. Next time I stream… won’t be too long. If you haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Thank you.

C: When are you entering the new crew? LYN: It’ll be soon. I can enter it anytime- no, what am I saying?? There’s the possibility that I can enter it at any time, so I have to make sure I finish everything I need to do in Beijing first before I can enter the crew and start getting into character.

----------

LYN: Where’s our rising star? The rising star of 2023? (Daimi) LYN: /trying to lure her over/ Want a sausage? How about a sausage? LYN: The rising star of the 2023 Entertainent Industry is here. LYN: /to Daimi/ Can you have a sense for the camera?? Where’s supposed to be at the top of the industry, here. You might become the biggest star this year, so can you steal the camera at all? /manually adjusts her head/ Okay- let’s keep it at this angle. Don’t move. Perfect. Don’t lift your head. Shots of the chin make you look fat. LYN: Okay, whatever. - /Blows in her face to get her to stop looking at him. It doesn’t work. Gives up./

C: Daimi only has eyes for you. LYN: Friends, don’t think of this so beautifully. Even though if a dog licks you it means they like you, they’re also… waiting for you to feed them. She’s waiting for me to feed her. Okay. She’s hungry. - /gives her his hand to rest her head on uwu/

C: Is she willing to sleep with you? LYN: No. I was thinking I would try a day after she had gotten washed- to see if I could hold her to sleep. She didn’t even stay there for a minute before she kicked me and left.

C: Why is she called Daimi? LYN: Because this little dog is quite foolish. (呆) /sigh/ She’s not very smart. She’s not impatient or ill-tempered like other small dogs can be. She’s just simply very foolish.

LYN: Okay, you can go.

LYN: I’ll give her a sausage to eat later, after I stop streaming.

----------

LYN: Thank you for keeping me company tonight. LYN: The next time I stream I think the things I bought specifically to wear on the stream would have arrived. Next time I will have an appearance that surprises you. So let’s definitely meet up in the next stream. LYN: I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you enjoyed yourself. Let’s meet in the next stream. Goodnight, everyone. - /closes it out with Fall in Love/

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(4:03:34)#topics:#his hair & hello saturday #on how to say lines with ~emotion~#attributing ost jobs to the main actors of the drama (if he knows them)#how he got into voice acting #new role: tortoise in the wishing well #gaming chat (he's played a lot but not for long)#showing off his beads #~English Corner~#sharing life lessons

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solardick · 6 months ago

Text

And they cut the power

Night of romance with myself. Minus all

The trash.

What i do to deserve this time?

Ive already served a life sentence how many more years do you want?

May i have the power back now. Im sivk of thinking about how lifr fucks me. Id rather think about a pretty girl and rabbits and puppies and rainbows and shit.

But apparently thats a bad thing. Being a ositivr functional citizen promote good vibes instea dof negative ones.

But its not my choice i dont get to decide. Im just here to be fucked with. Going on 40 years.

Power. I eant to go back to working as a team slaying evil. Instead.

I think they enjoy. Fucking into suicidal longing.

Me.

I just want to lay vack on the couch wirh somebody. No need to talk. Watch a movie or binge a series. And hold them close. Lay back on my lap, even, as i touch their hair. Quiet, peace, obvess of people harming me. And think about the futire.

Ive never experience a sense of tranquility ans security before. And i most likely never will.

The world is full of heroes and villains. Not much for heroes.

No their bussy brain raping me right now.

And they cut off my internet.

Ir they kulled my xbox. No proactive social behavior from you. Mr.

Maybe bot. False alatm of attack. Got it back.

How to live in a hostil world serrounded by enemies raping upur existance while playing nice?

Is there a self help book with that tittle?

Its pretty bad when your own health care system is your enemy. Like uour not paying for its services.

You just get taxed to be fucked with. Add in all the thousands of dallards give from cig tax.

The hundreds of dalloard ive given for child health care services.

Then tell that foreigner. That he has no byssiness working in a shop of get it down attitudes while be thta feminine. He should go to walmart and he’ll be able to talk about his jappenese boy band interests to all the girls that eork there.

Can i not have a place to mtself man. I do not like the people you keep

Pairing me eith.

And my rejectiin of wellfare support. Or u enplyement. Even when ive been out of eorl for months.

All that money is going to old people that dont need ears.

All those baby boomers that gave hard pluto aspects on me.

Isnt the pluto swiare pluto about killing the homoerotic bs? The fact it happens in the i fluence of ky mother. With staurn conjucnt pluto and urabus conjucet sun. After quitting her church seasions. ….. hmm

What you trying to kill my

Mother or something. Id rather you killed my father. My motjer deserves her hell. And my dather is too much the fool to even.

That fucktard did nothing but curse and swear profanities and sexual derogatorues every moment ive ever known him.

Well that phone call did clarify one thing. They are intentional giving me poor mental health.

Swearing allows me to bypass the intensity of my bluntness

After i trained that kid and helped him overcome his self sabotaging, to have the confidence to work better.

Not many people who shw any gratefulness.

With after an hour of being fucked with by GAP opperatives. Never called the pharmacy. And to force me to repeat myself literally 12 times and over. Then i made her repeat it again. Just to own it.

It be like me teying to constantly pair they all with a bunch of mormons that they had to obey or else. Suffer the mormon punishment. All smiles and sunshine now.

And everytime you get out of line ill dose you with spychotics. Oe the equalvwnt of sleep

Deprivarion. So then they can beat on you some more. Or some group of people your prejusdice too. God knows you got more than i do.

Hey lookmim talking to the fuckers flicking my power. Like a bunch of losers. Right in sync watching on their cameras.

Fuck are they fucken with me right now. With the lights and the power. Flick flick. Fucken losers man. Good for nothign wastign their time. They could be spending on something awesome bu the waste ruining my life.

Wonder what i did to deserve it this time. Ive asked myself this question for 25 years now. Going on 26. Maybe even more. Time gets blurry the farther away uou are.

Well

So much for ever growing uo i guess. Not allowedd to.

Guess they dont want me gaming anymore.

When may i fart?

Amazing that they turned a broken tootb into this while big giant debacle to stupid rapist bs.

Well you guys did wisper that she was my wife in my ear one morning. So it must be true. Perfectly safe and sound.

Just like the family relates. No one loves you go kill yourself. If you dont want to be a woman.

Ok fune they are never going to

Stop fucken with me until i go full queer. Theres no gay for me. Im just here to be manhandled and fucked.

But im going to need two boyfriends since the relationship will be based purely on sex. The. I could quit having a job and become a ful time house wife. Then i could get fucked up the ass everynight. While sucking off my boyfriend. And ill cease being anperson. And juat become a sex addict. Perma child.

Wasting my life away year after year as they maneuver to turn me into a queer. So many years already. You’ll see man. I’ll do

Some

Pretty sick twisted ahit.

I dint understand why wveryone has always hated me so much.

Well lets go

See what they’re going to

Me next.

And theres no other explanination other then they are all wrong. But being a minority. Doesnt affect the other side.

Soend all thise years framing me into this.

Byt theyre stupid and do t get it neither do they care. So my life is forfeit anyway with out a trial.

No one has ever gotten me right. And this is no different. What they see isnt what is there.

Its permanent. So ill be a sexually active senior?

Well guess im no longer bi-

Well, thats a no. Just fucken around like everyone.

Stay quiet. Stay alive.

Look its snothrr movie about my life. Its a real terrible movie. Its like being in your bedroom.

Theres not much left of my mind anymore. All these years of abuse have eaten away at me.

Because you jnow intook my gf cat and through it a wall because i eas mad. Of course i did. Some one said. So. Even though every kittwn sent home to be taken care off, litteraly died by a “mysteriously broken neck” same with my pet rats.

If enoigh peiple gef together the can twiste and weave whatever fabrication fits whatever make beleabe story they want. My entore teality is a hod damneed lie made by other people.

God damned i want a cigarette. Made a quick noose today. Simce im being framed and taped into suicide.

It be like ripping that kids patch on his jacket in elementary school. Mother said he cant be friends with me no more. Because im dis it in purpose. What kind of kid rips their clothing when their are playing. Oh lord. I also suppose that that kid who dislocated his knee while playing dodge ball was my fault too. Coming from a guy whos rescues baby bords from fallen trees.

When you have an entire group of peoplw intentionally pissing you off passed the breaking point. They sying oh what i bad man.

Supposed i also tried burning fown the old oga in knowlton too uh. The building i was no where near that day. Like its my fault peoplw were coming jnto my appartment and putting speed

In my food.

Or messing with me on every avenue to illicit a neutotic episode and then saying go to therapy.

Or like i tentionally teying to thrn me inot a sissy faget whole telling me gay jokes. I have an attituse problem sometimes. Really. I cant i dersstnd why. Understanding is the enemy to action. Tellign that little girl to stop making gay jokes at my expense. Or i’ll do domething about it. Gave her fair warning. Ahe didnt listen, so i made an official complaint agaisnt her. She dosnt get fired or sen tfor

An investigation. Nope. But i tell i girl to stop flirting with me and its sexuel harrasment. Ok sure why not. Seem sto me i m being punisher for what othe rpeoplw

Do to me.

Still feel guilty and bad about that kitten. But i didn’t through it agaisnt a wall. I dont kill or harm animals. Liek the tabbiys you fucktard left layign around. To suffer to be eatne alive by crows.

Now excurs eme i gave to go

Get raped i to suicide for

The crime if beign born.

Oh the reason why i stair at dildos all thr tine is because i fabtasize anout sitting on them.

Just giveng a fish a bone.

Well ill be my ass isnt infoamed for the first time in over 4 months. Coukd it be they stoped dosing me with dicknin ass desease medication?

You gonna pretend to be another storm and flicke my lights sone more.

Guess the pills i didnt take are working.

Aint nonage of aquirius here. Got to make that happen.

I already know hoe this story ends. Ends with me being dead.

Why would i get a pet. Someones hust going to kill it.

But a paa re nyly im just a peice of shit. That needs anti-spychotics while being damaged and fucked with sp i dont have neutotic episodes and i cant take my beatens in silence.

A re you allergic to milk. While here have some icecream.

So whats next in the plan to belittlement and make me feel like a small piece of shit. Surrounded but all this boys wearing their bigboy pants?

Wonder what not being attcjed feels like. Or lock in a prison cell feels like. Oh well.

Know what ive never experiences before being oaired with someone who doesnt want to hurt me. Something o the bucket list before i die. But Ll i get paired are homos. Spychotivs or criminal. Or a mix of the three. And all they do is hurt me. I hate homos now. Well modt of them. All the ones you keep pairing me with. Who speak crow.

But i feel bad that the majority are all brainwashed, manipulated and encouraged to keep it flowing.

Well

Lets go back to being derrounded by wnemies. Messing with my exixtamce. Its all i know. Its all

Ive ever known.

So thos whole thing. Is on one of my tooths tgat the dentist sabotaged broke and needs to be pulled.

Are they even using the right ascendant?

What wver it is im guilty off. It must be true. Because other peiple say it is. And othe reiple are tight because. Its just me alone. What else you got ive been thrpugh worst. Im just full of shit and a liar. So. Don’t beleive me.

Theres nothing worst than being swallowed by darkness. First time i deserved it. The bext three tomes i diddn’t.

Something you guys will never understand. Cause youve never been there. And then while your serrounded by a bumch of assholes that beat on you every other day. Wanting desperatly to say something but you can’t. And year after year. You die a little more. And all those assholes continue to treat you like dog shit. And then on those moments where you did. And they tell you. They don’t care.

And then some asshole comes and says you going to suffer for the eest if your life. Because you didn’t say anything. Yup. Hell its whwre i was born. Serrounded ny assholes. Calling me an asshole. Blow me.

Too bad a quiet place 3 is too heavily queer conditioned.

Wow people sure like making lies about me.

Apparently i told that queer foreign kid to get the fuck out of the van. Corabwrated by the guy who has the gay whis speaks crow. No. I said no im not done yet get out.

If yoyr gonna hive me shit. At least make it for somethign im guilty of instead bs that isnt even true. Which is probabbly90% of the bs toyr all

Talk about my back abouy.

Listen to my x apparently i trhoigh a cat a wall caus ei was

Mad.

Meanwhileni got family members killing my pets.

Probably already being set up for the next hit.

Injust can’t help it. I like to make people smile.

Amd its either my mother or my elsest brother whis a pet killer. Drowned a brothers turtles. Snapped a kittem neck and killed my rats.

But apparently im a homophobe whis also an asshole. Go figure.

Singled out and alone in the family. Singgled out and alone in the school, singled out and alone at work. Singled out and alone in the cominity. Always a minority always being shat on. Even in my solitude. Minding my own business.

Call me a homophobe. I have it just as bad as they ever did. Always have been under attack. And i always will. Going on 40 years. Used to be a point of solidarity. But, not anymore.

Huess the greeks were wrong. Sont lift the hydra into the light. Soesnt do anything. Its caretakers will interfeer.

Unlike you. Ive never talen oleasure or joy in fucken with people.

But it was kind of funny. Being written up on a lie. Instead of what i actually did worng, again. And then justin fidgeted behind my back when i mentioned there being a while lot of people fucking with me. Based on false accusations.

They really wanted to give me a lift home. So i said sure why not krystal. Lets see what other bs you have for me. Nice touch on the bottle of pills in your purse. Not to mention the two times you laughed at me. Well sniggered. But no one cares.

And its fun being beaten i to suicide by other peoples delusions. But thats what happens when you too busy sucking off the devils cock. Like its fun to be you.

Dont forget to share your home videos of me. In the bathroom.

Wouldnt be the forst. Wont be the last.

I want to donate some blood. Get rid of some of my dead blood cells.

Hopefully i can get back to myself again. Instead being distracted by a bunch of imbeciles. Almost died 4 times in the last four years alone. Thry think its funny. What do you call someone like that. Gotta label them somehow.

My empire is still growing. Hiw doesnt know my name. My name has more power in it then all you out together. Comming at you from the inside.

You dont love me?! But, but i shaved my butt for you. And it never grew back. What am i supposed to do now?

Rogaine.

Wonder how much longer ill survive being fucked with by all these rapist. Before i die.

What? No mire church letters to teel me salvation is coming?

Cheers in never havign experienced ehat not being fucked with feels like.

There was one girl who stook up for me. In elementary while i was being yelled by thr teacher cuase she didnt like the colours i used in my mothers day card.

Oh im goig to be late for work. God forbid if a miss another day of being manipulated and raped. Dont want ot get in trouble for what everyone else dies everyday.

Mother and sister pull by. “Hi!” Turn my head. Who is this? Oh. “ hi” keep walking. I font know who you are. Spent 30 with her. Dont know a thing about her. Uou hinna smack me around some more if, i ask a questiin?

Sorry i have an army of assholes whi treat me like a wife beater. Youbhonna smack me around dome more right after being punched in thr face by a spychopath?

Im not even going to attend your funeral. Leave me alone. Ill probablt die before uou anyway.

…. “Die now, and curse in vain.”

But it looks like hey dosed me again. Jo work tomorow. Back to suicide.

Last tine ghey brought my mither and sister into rhe picture. They gave me a masdive fose tgat put me out for over a week. They fave me break after to faux storm of twitchibg my powerbof and on. I couple days off. Aftwrcs made a noose.

Eithe rthey ruened my alarm off today. Or i did in my sleep. Considering they moniter by sevit card purchases. Its not a far cry.

Since i dontbhave the base security. I cant leave or make any decision. So im stuck here. Its the security that develops in childhood through adolescense. I dibt have that. So its for ed to be through another crisis whete i get paired woth abusive asshole.

Guess its this for the res if my life until i gave someone to talk to. Who treats me like a human being and isnt apart of the rapist comunity.

I dont even gwt to have any genuine human contact.

Just people fucken with me until i tell them to go fuck themselves and get punished for it.

Wow human contact. Well i meant it in consistency. But the breif moment. Was nice. Dont knownif it was genuine. Though.

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bisluthq · 7 months ago

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I think you would get a bit of a laugh with me too then 😂 because I am a bit weird myself. Maybe that's why I have these moments where I'm like dude I like Joe because we really are quite similar when it comes to things we are weird about. Whenever I learn something about him or see these photos he posts I'm like are we the same person?

But anyway, I relate to your friend (although my case is also a bit different because I still live with my mom, so if it weren't for that I would probably need to pay bills in a different way) because I have a phone and it's not fancy at all. I don't even know if you can use Google pay like you were saying. I think you can but I don't use it. But it fits what I need it for. I didn't even get this phone, until my old one stopped functioning completely. I also don't use a credit card. And I have a digital camera 😂 although tbf my phone camera is almost as good so I use both to take photos

Unlike your friend though, I don't expect people to pay for me too. I'm mostly a homebody so when I do go out, it's very much with intent and a lot of times by myself anyway. I know where I'm going and I know what I need to pay for. If I'm going out to eat I like to choose where beforehand or decide what first. If I need to buy something, I know the price of it. So when I go out I take money with me enough to fit what I need and just a little extra incase there's a unforseen thing of some kind.

That prevents me for buying more than what I need and not buy something on the spot that I don't need or end up spending more than I wanted. If I do end up finding out something else, it forces me to choose on which to spend my money on.

I always go for this method and so far it has always worked great for me. If you don't have money, you can't spend it

Just for clarity again like my friend didn't expect me to pay - she just didn't do your thing of having done the research upfront but she'd done essentially the same thing. She'd brought cash out with her. (And her useless ass phone and her camera lol). I'd suggested that specific place because they had like a Ladies Night promo/special evening thingie that popped up for me on Insta and I sent it to her and she was keen so we went. She did realise the cashless situation pretty quickly - I think we'd ordered one drink each and were looking at the menu and she read the cashless part and DID immediately panic and like fwiw if I hadn't had enough money in my card for w/e reason we could've just gone somewhere else and split the tab fairly but I *did* have money in my card lol (well on my phone lmao) so I suggested we stay because it was a cool event and vibe.

It was just mildly inconvenient for me because I hadn't planned on "withdrawing" that much cash and rarely carry much cash around full stop because I'm actually the opposite to you lol like when I have cash I tend to spend the absolute fuck out of it because everything individually seems so cheap? Whereas when I use my card I can see the overall balance pop up after every transaction and be like "okay Nat my bestie, it is time for us to go home now" to myself. Not even just being out tho, I get that way with bigger purchases too. I had a period of time where a lot of my income was cash based because I was doing in person lessons and the people would pay every time (this can be an interesting sidebar to this sidebar because what I was mostly doing was teaching Russian speaking strippers English?? It was a wild couple months lmao) and I spent THE ABSOLUTE FUCK out of it because somehow handing over physical money that's just there is less emotionally intense for me than swiping. Maybe it's like a remnant of childhood pocket money idk like "oh look here's a hundred quid score let's spend it" whereas when it's in my actual card like I can manage it better idk. That is btw what happened with her half of the tab also like I spent that super quickly too. I'm also like a lot more generous when I have cash? Idk I buy other people random shit too because I'm like "oh look I have cash!!! I've got this for us!!!" as though that's somehow different to yk my actual money.

Back to you though, your thing doesn't sound annoying because you check beforehand. If she'd checked beforehand and said "oh no I'm not keen" or idk BROUGHT HER CARD like she COULD'VE done that the once then it would've been easy peasy.

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oofurixmas · 2 years ago

Text

Sharing a hobby

To: Omer From: Nyuuuuuko

Summary: “Photos?” Abe quirked his head in confusion, raising an eyebrow.

(Hi! I was your Oofuri Secret Santa! I hope you enjoy it! –Nyuuuuuko on AO3)

“Photos?” Abe quirked his head in confusion, raising an eyebrow.

“Y-Yeah…I’ve kind of always had a hobby of it…b-but don’t worry, Abe! It doesn’t get in the way of practicing!”

“You’d better not be spending every minute practicing regardless, I think you know how I feel about you overworking your arm.”

After a quick squeak, Mihashi backpedaled. “Y-Yeah! I like t-taking photos!”

“And you’re taking them at your cousin’s wedding?”

“Y-Yeah…I wanted to give her some sort of gift but I don’t really have any money…”

“Huh…” Abe grunted in interest, “are they any good?”

“Um-!” Mihashi fidgeted. What now?! He loved his photos, but he didn’t want to sound arrogant! “W-Well-! H-how about-! I…just…show…you…?”

“Sure.” Came the quick reply. A brief moment passed before he spoke up again. “Well? Go get it if you wanna show me.”

Another tiny squeak before Mihashi jumped up and ran upstairs, reemerging a few seconds later with a worn camera bag. The camera he pulled out was a bit on the older side, but it was nice. Definitely capable of taking some pretty decent pictures. It was no flip-phone camera, that was for sure. After watching him fumble with the switch on the top and turn it on, he clicked a few buttons and started flicking through them. “T-These haven’t been edited yet, so they’re moreso half-done…” He mumbled, handing Abe the camera.

“You edit your photos?” He asked, taking the camera from calloused, boney hands into softer, larger ones.

“Sometimes…I only really play with color and exposure, mostly…”

The photos themselves were beautiful, even without any editing. He could tell some had been taken around Nishiura’s campus, turning sights he’d see every day into a portrait that almost made him want to go back just to see if he could find it as beautiful as Mihashi had made it.

“How do you take these pictures?” He found himself asking.

“Well…” Mihashi switched back to photo taking mode on the camera and looked around for something to take a picture of. “I guess we can just use these books as an example…” He gestured to the pile of untouched books that Hanai had mentioned during their study session at his house. A gentle layer of dust covered them, reflecting the gentle light of the window whenever agitated.

“The lighting in this shot isn’t too bad, but maybe I could make it better real quick…” Mihashi’s eyes glazed over in focus. Abe was a bit shocked. It was really similar to the look Tajima gave when he was doing something baseball related. Suddenly very serious and very confident. The shorter moved a small desk lamp around, trying a few angles and deciding on placing it to the side of the pile.

“Alright, now for the camera settings. I want a low f-stop so that can work to my advantage–”

“Hold on, what’s an F-stop?”

“...and then the ISO can be set pretty low, though I do want a bit of a higher shutter speed, so I guess I’ll have to–”

“Mihashi!”

Finally, the pitcher squeaked and flinched out of his extremely focused mindset. “Y-Yes, Abe-!”

“I was asking you a question! I don’t know what any of that means!”

“Um…f-stop is…t-the amount of light let in through t-the lens…”

Abe sat through Mihashi quietly explaining the different functions of the camera as the dirty blonde started resetting them all. Eventually, he kneeled in front of the desk. “Alright…” He waved his hand a bit so some of the dust would kick up and Abe heard the lens snap. He watched Mihashi sit up and start examining the picture he took. “...Well, it’s not perfect, but something like that.”

“How did you learn all about this, anyway? I had no idea you were so…” So what, he thought, capable?

“My dad always loved taking pictures when I was younger, he showed me all I know…this is his old camera, actually. He always sends me pictures from his business trips.

“Well, uh…that’s really…” Abe bit back a sigh. He hated lowering his guard to compliment people.

“I know, I’m sorry–”

“Incredible, Mihashi.”

“Huh?”

“I said they’re incredible. You should keep taking pictures.”

No one had ever said something like that to Mihashi before. Then again, he never really shared this hobby with anyone. Abe had to stifle a laugh at the happy fidgeting from the shorter.

#Fic #oofurixmas2022 #oofuri #abemiha #ookiku furikabutte #omer

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feral-dumbass · 4 years ago

Text

F*ck Me

James “Bucky” Barnes/ Female Reader

Summary: Bucky loses a bet and has to wear a maid dress. Neither of you expected you to be so into Bucky wearing it.

Includes: Bucky in a maid costume, Knife kink, ripping of clothes, Bondage, unprotected sex, brief mention of Bucky being turned on by glasses, Beefy!Bucky, use of vibrator (sharing of it too), manhandling, overstimulation (Possible dub-con because of it), dirty talk, unprotected sex, size kink, choking (with the metal arm)

Words: 4,103

A/N: Happy New Year! I finally actually finished a WIP. Bucky does wear a maid dress, so if you know me in real life, no you don’t. I just wrote a crack fic. Didn’t I? Title Credit to Vernon Jane. Tagging my friends @babybluestan @gagmebucky @heresyoursnackdumbass

Masterlist

It started off with a bet. Who could beat Thor at armwrestling? Cocky egos and bored minds don’t mix well. Quill and Steve both lost. Most men that weren’t gifted with super strength didn’t need that question answered. Bucky decided to join in on the camaraderie. Besides, if Steve lectures Bucky team bonding one more time, he’s gonna lose it.

Everything was fine until Tony couldn’t stop talking. Out on a personal vendetta ever since you and Bucky took Stark’s Audi out for joyride and put the most miniscule dent on the hood, Tony suggested more than money. If Bucky lost, he’d have to follow Thor around in a maid’s costume at the next compound party with the team and vice versa. Thor and Bucky were already sitting across from each other at the table when Tony announced it. It was too late to back out now. With Clint cheering on the statement and Steve starting to mother hen, Bucky said fuck it. Thor even let him use his bionic fucking metal arm. How bad could it be?

Bucky was wrong. Bucky was so very wrong. Never make a bet about strength with a God. The gears and plates of his arm buzzed from the tension underneath the sound of the men choosing their sides and cheering them on. Even though Bucky put up a good fight, he lost and probably needs to kiss Tony’s ass to make sure the processors are still functioning. Thor has a good grip.

The package arrived at your doorstep Thursday, just in time for the party on Friday. You were the one to place it on the kitchen table. You were sympathetic to Bucky’s predicament after a good laugh. The offending package sat there for the next twenty-four hours, Bucky avoiding it like the plague. It’s not that Bucky hates it per say, it’s just a clothing item for fuck’s sake. He just hates the fact he’ll never hear the end of it.

He expresses the same fact exactly to you as he tears open the package in the bathroom. He tries on the maid dress while you wait patiently for him on the bed. Bucky manages to zip himself and stare at himself in the mirror. Bucky sighs at the sight. For a genius, Stark is really bad at guessing sizes. Bucky is practically busting at the seams. “Damnit.”

“Aww. C’mon out, Bucky. I’m sure it’s not-” You try to assuage Bucky as your eyes never leave the latest gossip magazine of the Avengers. At the sound of the bathroom door creaking open, you look up. Momentarily stunned, you forget your words. Magazine long forgotten. “Oh- oh my god.”

“I know. This feels indecent.” Bucky crosses his arms underneath his chest and your mouth waters.

“No, Bucky, not in that way.” You didn’t expect Bucky to look this good in frilly black and white. The bands of the poofy sleeves strain against his bulging biceps. The bust also straining against his pecs. The dress is so short the bottom of Bucky’s black boxers peak out. Not to mention, Bucky has his emotional support knife strapped to his thigh. You wish you could be surprised you’d fuck him like this, but then again, he is Bucky Barnes. “It’s not that bad.” You slur your words a bit, still focused on the band stressed around Bucky’s biceps. You lick your lips and suck the bottom one in between your teeth.

“Wait, is this actually working for you?” Bucky ducks down so you’re forced to look him in the eyes. No point in beating around the bush. Act coy and you might never get to see him like this again.

“Would you judge me if I said yes?”

“A little bit. Yeah.” You shrug. It’s not like the nerd hasn’t asked you to wear glasses while you give him head. Different strokes for different folks.

“Would you wear it in bed?”

Bucky lets out a surprised laugh and shakes his head. “Keep looking at me like you wanna eat me alive and I’ll wear anything for you.” He strides over to you, pulls your hair so you look up at him, and kisses you with blazing passion. This is fine. You’re more than happy to give Bucky a few minutes of happiness before he spends the whole night brooding. Bucky barely separates from you. “We can skip the party and I’ll wear it in bed for you right now?” His lips brush against yours as you stare at him with heavy lidded eyes.

“Stark will probably conduct a man hunt and it’s probably best no one see what I have in store for you.”

“Please, do share your plans.”

“I was thinking we could bring out the nylon ropes. I tie you to the headboard and have my way with you.” Even with his hair half up in bun, pieces of his hair fell out. You tuck a brown piece of his hair behind his ear as he swallows thickly and groans.

“Are you sure we have to go?” You nod as a grin slowly spreads across your face. “Give me ten minutes before we go to my personal hell.” Bucky walks back into the bathroom, trying to fix the growing bulge in his boxers.

The party is going surprisingly well, Bucky being less broody than usual. Turns out when you’re girlfriend promises to ride you into the mattress, your mood lightens. Bucky’s smirk has been laced with secrecy all night. It probably doesn’t help that you haven’t been able to keep your eyes off him, flashing him fuck me eyes everytime he caught you. By the fifth time Bucky caught your eye, Tony had enough.

“Oh my god, you guys look like your two seconds away from fucking eachother in front of us.” Tony complains.

Bucky shrugs in all his maid dress glory. “I wouldn’t mind.” Bucky looks to you for confirmation.

“Uh, hey, no. This isn’t fun anymore. It’s getting weird. You lost your party privilege. Leave before I order both of you a psych eval on Monday.” Tony pretends like Pepper hasn’t told you things three margaritas in. Fine, he can act all pure and mighty all he wants. You’re forced with the knowledge Tony is a good submissive for Pepper.

“Thank God.” Bucky is ushering you to the elevators before you can say something witty back to Stark. Once in the elevator, Bucky incessantly presses the door closing button.

“Pressing the button ten times doesn’t make the elevator work faster.” The elevator hates you and starts closing as you speak.

“You were saying?” Bucky backs you up against the elevator and ducks down to kiss you which eventually turns into making out. He lifts you up by the back of your thighs as he deepens the kiss. He moves his kisses down to your neck, sucking hickeys into your skin in between kisses. Pressed in between the wall and Bucky, you’re forced to feel all of him, rutting his quickly hardening bulge into you. You’re like 99% sure Bucky is ready to fuck you in the elevator. Security cameras be damned. It wouldn’t be the wildest place you had sex and you’re about ready to help drop your pants until you remember your plans. You rake your hands through his hair, grab a nice hindfull, and pull, taking his lips off your skin.

“Bucky.” You whine with a pout of your lips. His eyes track the movement of your spit-shined lips, too entranced to look you in the eyes just yet. “You agreed to let me tie you up and I’m holding you to it.” The elevator dings with the arrival of your floor.

Bucky smashes his lips against yours for a quick kiss. After he separates, he rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “I spoil you.” It’s his only response before he’s carrying you to the bedroom.

Managing to make-out with you and kick the bedroom door open, Bucky sits down on the edge of the bed. Your legs are forced to spread wider to accommodate his thick thighs, the knife strapped to him digging into your inner own.

“You’re wearing too much clothes.” Bucky tugs on your shirt.

“Maybe you should help me with that.” Before you can finish your sentence, Bucky is pulling your shirt up. You finish pulling it over your head, flinging it onto the bedroom floor, as Bucky works on unfastening your jeans. Bucky pauses his task at the sight of bare skin. He groans deep within his chest. So maybe you wore Bucky’s favorite lingerie set, navy blue and semi opaque. You’re even wearing slutty panties to match. You were hoping to get railed tonight even before the maid dress was introduced into your life.

“Jesus Christ, you’re gorgeous.” His hands travel to your breasts kneading them through the flimsy material. Goosebumps break out underneath Bucky’s calloused touch. His stubble scratches as he kisses the swell of each breast before gently dragging his hands back down to your pants. You duck down to kiss him as he snakes his hand into the back of your pants, squeezing handfuls of ass. “Well, are you ready to be in charge, baby?”

“Please.” You push Bucky on his back and hop off his lap. You slide a chest out from underneath the bed and get out a couple objects of interest including the nylon rope. Bucky moves to the center of the bed as you take off your pants. You crawl onto the bed and Bucky. He meets you halfway for a kiss, his hand on the back of your head.

“Did ya wear all this just to torment me? Knowing I won’t be able to touch you is driving me crazy.”

“I will admit I didn’t wear this with bondage in mind. You ripping my underwear off with your teeth is more of what I was thinking, but I’m flexible.”

Bucky’s chest rumbled. “I’m aware.” With darkening eyes, Bucky lets you maneuver his arms up to the bedpost and tie him to it. Of course, it helps he has a perfect view of your cleavage dangling just a few inches from his face. Once you’re done tying him up, you kiss his cheek.

“Remember your colors, baby boy?” You ask him in between kisses on his neck, nipping at the skin. It’s a line Bucky has used on you so many times and now it’s your turn to use. His adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

“Yeah.”

“What’s your color? These too tight?” You tug on the binds wrapped around.

“So fucking green. They’re not too tight. Although, I’d be a lot better if you were on my cock right now.” You suck a hickey into his neck.

“It’s cute you think you’re still calling the shots.” You grind down onto him, your eyes fluttering at the feel of the sweet friction, but Bucky doesn’t need to know that. You blow on the hickey and Bucky shudders underneath you. You sit up to admire your handiwork. His eyes are lust-filled. A hint of a rosy flush decorates his cheeks and chest. Bucky’s arms flex at your incessant grinding.

“Please, wanna be in you.” He ruts his hips up, adding more friction. You bump into the handle of his knife, reminding you it’s there. You reach behind you and unsheathe the knife. Bucky’s knife glints as you take note of it.

“Tell me, Bucky. Are you invested in your outfit?”

“Oh my god, please. Destroy it.” He stares up at you with such awestruck devotion. You lift up the skirt and cut through the torso of the dress. Bucky lets out an whorish moan even for him. His chest and abs out on open display and your mouth waters. As much as you loved seeing Bucky in the maid dress, this is fun too. You slowly drag the tip of the knife gently down his abdomen, muscles flexing under the cool touch of metal.The sounds of a rip makes you pause. You check and sure enough Bucky’s bulging metal bicep has ripped through the band of the dress.

“Holy shit, I love you.” You smash your lips onto his for a messy kiss. Bucky is more than eager to slip his tongue into your mouth. You pull away when you need to breath and work on Bucky’s sleeve. The previous rip already making the cheap material easy to shred. You make the rip reach the slice you made and use the knife for the other sleeve. You put it back in it’s sheathe. Bucky maneuvers to the best of his ability so you can pull the maid dress out from underneath him. You pull his boxers down. His red and leaking cock hit his stomach. You grab the vibrator off the edge of the bed and turn it on it’s lowest setting. You drag the vibrator up and down the underside of his cock. He shouts out, muscles tensing at the stimulation. Just as quickly as you were touching him, you’ve stopped. You move the vibrator off him as you grin, bringing the vibrator to your clit through your slutty panties. You lose yourself in the vibrations before Bucky speaks out gruffly.

“Watch it, sweetheart. Whatever you do to me, I can do to you.” Your response is to turn up the setting on the vibrator and moan out. “Oh, c’mon, don’t you want my dick?” He rocks his hips up. “You can act like a tease all you want, but we both know you love leaking with my cum. You just love being filled to the brim as I fuck you through both of our orgasms.” You whimper out his name. “Yeah, honey, you were made to take this cock. Do such good job of it too. C’mon, please. Jus’ wanna feel you cum around me. That stupid piece of plastic can’t make you cum as hard as I can.” You thought you were slut for Bucky Barnes and that was before you heard his gravely begging underneath you. A whole new wave of want rushes through your veins and your shutting off the vibrator. Your hand pumps his dick a few times, leaking so much you don’t even need lube to touch him.

“Fuck!” Bucky repeatedly chants as you finally grab the base of him and slide him into your entrance, panties pushed to the side. Bucky is gargantuan. He always is at the first slide. Your walls need a few seconds to accommodate him. During the time, Bucky’s muscles tense as he pants. He can’t do anything, but feel you. No outlet for the pent up energy he’s been harboring. He is literally so pretty, you can feel a heartbeat in your lower muscles. You grind on his dick, testing your limits. He groans. “Baby, I’m gonna you to-.” Bucky’s encouragement is cut off with a deep groan as you lift yourself off Bucky’s cock, tip just outside your entrance, and falling back on it. Bucky can’t stop his curses and groans as you do it again and again, eventually setting a nice pace for yourself. You ride Bucky’s dick in earnest. Closer than you realized with the previous vibrator and his dirty talk, you move in a way that feels good for you. Bucky’s pleasure an afterthought. With a hand pressed against his pectoral, you rock against him. You close your eyes and bite your lip, bringing your other hand to rub your clit.

“Oh my god, are you gonna cum already? How’s my cock feel, sweetheart? Such a cockslut, you’re already close. Look at me.” Bucky rocks his hips up as you drop down, causing you to gasp out his name. “Look. At. Me.” You open your eyes to glare down at him. You hands slides up to wrap around his thick neck. You can feel his racing pulse underneath your fingertips.

“I swear if you ruin this for me, I’ll-”

“You’ll what? What will you do?” Bucky waits for a response. You can’t, too tongue tied as your peak gets closer and closer. “That’s what I thought. Now be a good cockslut and cum on my cock.” You double down on your efforts until you’re cumming. Pleasure rolls up your spine. You’re movement falters as you get lost in your orgasm. Before you know it, you’re on your back, you’re supposed tied up boyfriend on top of you. Bucky picks up your slack, fucking you at a brutal pace through your orgasm.

“Wait, Bucky. How?” You brain tries to catch up as he gathers your wrists in his metal hand and pins them to the bed above your head.

“You need to get better at tying, baby. Didn’t even have to break the restraints. They fell apart halfway through.”

“Fuck.” The word you use is long and drawn out, arching your hips to meet Bucky’s thrusts. Having a supersoldier underneath you to use at your indiscretion was fun, but there truly is something about letting Bucky take the reins, rippling muscles of caged energy pressed against you. Bucky’s thrusts slow as his free hand searches for something on the bed. With a victorious grin, Bucky is turning on the vibrator at a higher setting than you previously had it. He slides it between your bodies to rest on your clit. The flimsy lace of your stretched out panties does nothing to barricade the pleasure.

“You’ll cum for me, again. Right?” You curse his name, trying to buck away from the vibrator. The vibrations are too much for your sensitive clit. Bucky is persistent, keeping the vibrator pressed against your clit.

“Fuck, Bucky. Please. Please. Please.” It’s your turn to repeat words, not exactly sure what your begging for. You just know the pleasure is almost too much. With the combination of Bucky’s girthy cock and the vibrator, it’s not long before you’re coming. Your muscles shake as your orgasm hits you. You moan until your voice runs hoarse. He keeps the vibrator on your clit until your orgasm is done.

“Love it when you cum. Wish I could be in this pussy all day.” Bucky lets go of your wrist and cups your cheek tenderly. He ducks down for a filthy kiss, tongue included. Your muscles feel weighted, but you manage to match Bucky’s enthusiasm in his kiss. Before you can register it, your brain a little fuzzy from the two orgasms, you’re facing the sheets on your stomach. His cocks slips out during the commotion. Bucky lifts your upper half to lean against him so you’re on your knees, using his own knees to spread them. You head rolls down.

You share the same qualities as a rag doll right now, joints weak and ears still ringing from your orgasm. Not that it’s stopping Bucky. Facing down, you get to witness Bucky’s angry, leaking, and glistening with your cum erection extending practically past your belly button as he ruts against your sex. Electric shocks are sent to your nervous system everytime Bucky manages to make contact with your clit. Your only thought is you want him to destroy you with his dick as he wraps his metal arm around your neck, head now resting against his clavicle.

“Remember your colors, baby girl? What’s your color?” Bucky’s voice is in a low, hushed tone. His lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. You eyes flutter shut, hands moving to hold on to his forearm wrapped around your neck.

“Green.” Even with your hazy mind and heavy tongue, you manage to answer Bucky. He presses a quick, stubbly kiss to your temple before turning his attention to your underwear.

“These are unnecessary.” He grabs ahold the triangle of lacey material of your underwear and pulls. It doesn’t take much of Bucky’s strength for the strings of your underwear to snap. He throws the offending clothing over his shoulder. He flips his bowie knife out of the sheath strapped to his thigh. Bucky fucked the knife out of your memory. Goosebumps erupt onto your skin as he gently traces the knife’s tip up your stomach to slip underneath the band of your bra. “I’ll buy you a new set.” He says before slicing through the band of your bra with a flick of his wrist. You gasp out and Bucky slices through the straps too. He flips his knife into the sheath and throws your bra away from you.

“Want your cock, Bucky. Please.”

“How could I say no to such pretty begging? I can’t let the cockslut be hungry for too long, now. Can I?” You can feel Bucky reaching his hand down over your abdomen and then the next thing you know, you’re being filled to the brim with cock. Okay, fuck what you said about the first slide. You’re pretty sure you could cum again at this slide. With your fucked out brain, there is so much of Bucky. Bucky sliding his cock in slow sure doesn’t help either. Bucky groans right next to your ear. It’s almost a sensory overload. You haven’t even registered you’re moaning yourself. Bucky finally- finally bottoms out, giving you time to catch your shuddering breath. “You still with me?”

You manage to rasp out an affirmative.

“Good girl.” And then Bucky is pulling out and thrusting in. You manage to get out a curse at the friction before Bucky truly starts to thrust into you. His pace picks up quickly. His powerful thighs slam into your slick ones as he rumbles deep within his chest. You can feel it throughout your whole torso. “Addicted to this pussy. Love how you feel around me.” Bucky moves his right hand to rub your abused clit. You grab ahold of his wrist. Bucky’s too stong to move his hand off your clit. You’re forced to feel the all the pleasure he gives you.

“Aww, c’mon. You can cum for me one more time.” Bucky tucks his nose behind your ear and kisses underneath it. He changes the angle of his rubs and your thighs start to shake. “There you go, sweetheart. Just one more.” Bucky’s metal bicep bulges making it a little harder to breathe as he thrusts faster. The two previous orgasms make you sensitive. In just a few meager minutes, you can feel the rise of your orgasm. This orgasm hits you harder than the previous two. The pleasure takes you over in waves. Your thighs shake as Bucky fucks you through it. He moans louder than you sounding like he enjoys you’re orgasm almost as much as you. He finally notices your fingers digging into his skin and stops rubbing your clit.

“God, baby. I’m so close. Gonna let me use you?”

You nodd.

“Say it.”

“Use me. Wanna feel you cum in me.” You rasp out with an even heavier mind. Bucky lets out a whorish moan as his thrusts get even more energetic. It shouldn’t be possible, but then you wouldn’t be dating a super soldier. Within just a few more thrusts, you can feel Bucky flood your insides. He groans as he slows down to prolong his orgasm. Bucky was hot before, but he’s even hotter as he coming. The only thing you dislike about this position is not being able to see Bucky’s abs contract as he cums. You can still feel his abs jump against you lower back. Bucky’s thrusts eventually die down until he’s just bottomed out in you. He takes a minute to catch his breath before he uncurls his arm off your throat, keeping his right hand on your hip to steady you.

“How are you feeling?” He asks as he gently slips out and sets you on the bed.

“Tired.”

“I know and you can rest in a bit, but we gotta get cleaned up first.” You groan at that. “C’mon, baby. I’ll grab the washcloth.” The smile in Bucky’s voice is prominent as he gets out of bed. You can hear him rummaging around in the attached bathroom as you rest your eyes. You fall asleep before Bucky can bring out the warm wet washcloth. He still wipes you down while you’re half asleep before joining you back in bed.

Bucky will be there in the morning to massage out your sore muscles because Bucky is a good boyfriend. And if you happen to order the same maids dress the next day only to leave it in the exact same spot the previous package was in, Bucky doesn’t bring it up. He just adds it to the back of his closet when you’re not looking.

#the knife stays ON during sex and I think thats the most Bucky thing I’ve ever written #Mel if you’re reading this I failed at making sub!Bucky 😔#Looks like I'll have to try again #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky/ reader #bucky barnes/ reader #bucky barnes/ you #bucky barnes barnes smut #bucky barnes imagine #maybe overstimulation will become my trademark #if this is bad you never read it #my writing

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leia-imogen · 4 years ago

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aaron & the family he's found all by himself; vol. 2 // vol. 1

( ft. short jokes, a belated birthday shopping trip, & an ultra-chaotic winter break )

( for @criswisstuff & anyone who enjoyed the first one <3 )

savannah, who is 5'9, is constantly teasing aaron and cleo for being short. katelyn's good at 5'6, and also a bit impossible to tease bcs she's the actual best, so she gets to escape this

cleo ( 5'2 ) is perfectly delighted to have someone shorter than her for once in her life, even by only 2 inches

aaron: guys, just try and see this from my point of view

sav: [ collapses ]

katelyn: [ crouches down ]

cleo: [ sits cross-legged on floor ]

aaron: dude you're literally 2 inches taller than me

cleo: 2 and a quarter

sav is so smug about this but in a good-natured way, in that she and cleo call aaron "kid" or "kiddo" or "pipsqueak" and he doesn't mind bcs they always say it w such a huge smile and he likes to respond to sav with "how's the weather up there, tall-ass?"

and katelyn thinks it's ridiculously adorable how tiny aaron is and obviously she uses him as an armrest all the time

katelyn, petting aaron's hair: guys guys omg he's like an angsty mini blond kitten and i would kill for him <3

sav, popping up between them: mini-yard :))

before i get super distracted, i just wanna mention that aaron met sav and cleo towards the end of november, so they missed the twin's birthday

but sav still insists that she must take him shopping bcs sure his fashion sense is fine but there's always room for improvement, isn't there, aaron??

he relents, so long as she and cleo and katelyn ( who already gave him a birthday present?? why's she doing this??? ) don't spend too much money

sav drags him all around south carolina to the best thrift stores she can find and cleo and katelyn are amazed that she can get such fantastic deals on the supermodel clothes she wears

fr she's literally a fashion design major ( + minoring in business management ) and she shows up to class in skilfully done drugstore makeup and an absolutely killer outfit for like 15 bucks

she grew up poor, and she's still poor now, even if she ( thankfully ) managed to scrape a cheerleading scholarship

sav, flicking through a rack of dresses labelled $4 apiece: RIP to little miss rich bitch reynolds but i'm different ;)

no hate to allison she's awesome but she grew up in the lap of luxury surrounded by designer brands so she knows NOTHING about thrifting and rationing money in general

oh and sav and allison have kind of a frenemies thing going on bcs they're both fighting for the top spot of their fashion design course

they spend the whole day shopping and aaron ends up with a highly upgraded wardrobe that contains a lot of cute pastel stuff and sav's promise to do his makeup

aaron insists on paying for dinner at the really nice pizza place a short drive from campus even tho they all protest

and andrew knows he's found new friends, but has no idea that it's the vixens and he's dating one of them. nicky does tho, but he's sworn to secrecy

nicky thinks his new clothes are adorable and is stunned when aaron tells him the total cost

"oh my GOD that girl sounds like a genius."

"yeah, her name's sav. you guys,, would get along, i think."

okay now for the winter break part!!

i think that you can get permission to stay at dorms if you're an international student or something??

anyways since sav's super upset bcs her father straight-up told her not to come home bcs he has a new girlfriend ( god i hate sav's father )

katelyn would stay with her, but her dad can finally have her home in new york for christmas and she really doesn't want to miss it

cleo, the only one with a properly functional family, is going back to her big family house and loving parents and grandma and aunt and siblings and cousins. love that for her.

so aaron and sav are stuck at psu for 2 weeks and aaron's surprisingly cool with this. and sav's excited bcs for the first time since her mom died, she can spend her christmas with someone she actually wants around instead of her shitty-ass father and his constant stream of bitchy girlfriends

they spend a lot of time together, stealing food from the athlete's dining hall to make their own weird combos, which usually ends with aaron making something Cool and Interesting and sav gagging and spitting out whatever strange concoction she had previously insisted would taste good

i literally can't bring myself to give a shit about the twinyards' deal bcs andrew literally became best friends with renee?? and hooks up with guys at eden’s??? idk what's going on there but it's like andrew is trying to control aaron's life while he can do whatever he wants??? and honestly wtf????

also let me just make it clear that i ADORE andrew so so much he's one of my favourite comfort characters ever but i'm not gonna make excuses for his shitty behaviour. i fully believe he heals and puts away his pride to apologise to aaron, nicky, and kevin for his treatment of them

that's definitely not to say that aaron's internalised homophobia isn't eww, but with so many important people in his life gay, he makes a huge effort to get over it

so andrew just thinks that aaron is spending a lot of time in the library or out with nicky or something

and when aaron tells sav about this deal, she's kinda horrified, but it's pretty clear to her that aaron so desperately wants to fix his relationship with his brother, and she's not in any place to discourage him, is she?

the only thing she can do is hope that he won't come out all the worse for it

and stare at the boy curled up on the other end of the pale pink sofa cleo's parents had gotten, wonder just how much shit he'd been put through, and decide she was going to be his best friend

aaron's face has gone entirely impassive. sav nudges his fluffy-socked foot with her own, then reaches out to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. "careful, you'll wrinkle your pretty little face."

aaron is very caught off guard by this, and very promptly flushes bright red, which contrasts with the pale teal hoodie he stole from katelyn

"okay, enough talk about depressing crap. wanna go make christmas cookies now?"

"yeah."

so they make christmas cookies. well, it was supposed to be christmas cookies, but it turns into double chocolate fudge cookies somewhere along the line. neither of them knows how

them baking together is the definition of chaos. they're still blasting songs, and sav is singing along terribly

"yOu'Re A mEaN oNe, Mr. GrInCh," while poking aaron's cheek as he tries to mix something. he throws a handful of flour at her. "yOu ReAlLy ArE A hEel."

anyways obviously sav retaliates and that ends in a flour fight. it only stops when aaron deadass cracks an egg on sav's head and she smears chocolate into his hair

she also tries to make him sing along to baby, it's cold outside

"i'Ve GoT tO Go `wAAyyy~" she holds a spatula up to his face

"go away."

they video call katelyn, who takes one look at the mess in the cramped dorm kitchen and sighs so loudly and dramatically that her dad pops in and asks if everything's okay

aaron freezes up at the sight of him and sav quickly turns off the camera, bcs they both want to make good impressions on him, and being covered in various cookie ingredients just won't cut it, ya know?

the cookies turn out delicious and sav sends all their group chat various photos of the process, most of which consist of selfies with her making goofy faces while aaron is simultaneously baking and flipping off the camera

plus a several videos of sav enthusiastically dancing and mouthing the lyrics of, as follows, all i want for christmas is you, let it snow, and santa claus is coming to town and aggressively pointing a spatula at aaron

"c'mon aari, just sing! please??? please???? please you can do it i believe in you!!"

finally he just. gives up. "okay, you know what? fine, i'll sing to ONE and then you will STOP bothering me you insolent dumbass."

sav beams. santa baby starts playing. aaron is very clearly going through five stages of grief in 0.5 seconds

"go on," sav says sweetly as she slides in next to a pouting aaron, "i'll sing with you."

sav slings an arm around his shoulder and sways with him, so it's just her doing that and him grumpily mumbling the lyrics

and when the cookies are cooling down, they start cleaning the kitchen up. aaron rubs some spilled egg yolk into sav's hair but it goes pretty okay otherwise, since they're just listening to more christmas songs and chatting about light stuff, like aaron's biochem course, sav's fashion course, and their dumb classmates

aaron mostly listens tho, and learns that sav kind of hates allison reynolds for giving up her inheritance when she would do ANYTHING for even the tiniest fraction of that money

but she still thinks allison's gorgeous bcs c'mon

and that sav's dream is to one day open her own boutique!!

aaron spends most of the actual christmas day with the monsters at eden's bcs nicky and andrew wanted to

he spent a lot of the time texting on their group chat

doessavvyisgay: so u just go to a nightclub every week??

unaliveme: i mean yeah, i literally worked here for a while. we needed money and nicky was already working 2 jobs night and day

actualblessing: babe ur backstory is so tragic

unaliveme: i'm a fox for a reason ig

cleo.magda: Yes but-

doessavvyisgay renamed this conversation "aaron miniyard support group"

unaliveme: oh ffs

unaliveme: sav subject change go

doessavvyisgay: i'm at the clothes store what should i get?

actualblessing: something pretty :)

doessavvyisgay: sorry, i can't buy the cashier

cleo.magda: Wow.

doessavvyisgay: I DID GET HER NUMBER THO

unaliveme: lmaooo what's her name?

doessavvyisgay: uh

unaliveme: savannah istg u don't even know her name??

actualblessing: s a v

actualblessing: damn u really do be turning on the Charm tho

actualblessing: respect i didn't even talk to aaron till i asked him for notes bcs he has rly pretty notes and also a rly pretty face

actualblessing: and even then i was like :0

unaliveme: IT WAS CUTE I PROMISE

doessavvyisgay: u 2 = the only valid heterosexual couple

actualblessing: rt

unaliveme: oh shit i'm getting super drunk

cleo.magda: Aaron, you drink? That's not legal, get out of there right now. Kids these days-

unaliveme: cleo u have literally seen me get drunk af,, the first time we met,,, and anyways this is how my family bonds ✌🏻

doessavvyisgay: that's. so damn weird kiddo but go off ig

actualblessing: no go find better things to bond about other than alcohol and weird sweaty dancing

cleo.magda: Yeah, go watch some Christmas movies!

unaliveme: nicky makes us watch die hard every year

doessavvyisgay: see u in hell, kiddo ;)

cleo.magda: I meant things like The Polar Express and Home Alone.

actualblessing: merry christmas ya filthy animals!!

doessavvyisgay: merry xmas y'all i'm gonna go to that christmas party bcs i'm super bored

unaliveme: merry christmas mothers and fuckers

cleo.magda: Merry Christmas, you guys!

#aaron & the family he's found all by himself #okay this was most aaron and sav centric #but i love them so.#aftg headcanons #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #aaron minyard headcanons #the vixens #aaron minyard #andrew minyard #twinyards #nicky hemmick #katelyn aftg #katelyn finley #sav jameson #cleo magdalene

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

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YYH Recaps: Episode 1, Surprised to be Dead

Hello, all you hypothetical readers! It's a beautiful spring day and I have a free afternoon ahead of me, so what better time to start another massive project while I guilty stuff my other WIPs deep into the depths of my hard drive? Yeah. Iffy life choices aside, someone mentioned a few weeks back that they'd love for me to recap a show I have more positive things to say about than negative (RIP RWBY) and ever since Netflix announced that their live-action adaptation of Yu Yu Hakusho is in the works, I've been itching for a re-watch of the anime. With the RWBY hiatus underway, it seemed like the perfect time to fulfill both desires.

Before we begin though, I'd like to touch on a few things that are going to influence this project.

First, YYH is near and dear to my heart. Written by Yoshihiro Togashi in the early 1990s and later adapted for an American audience by Funimation, I had the pleasure of experiencing this story five different ways: as a serialized tale in Shonen Jump, a binge read when I had the money to buy the manga, tiny snippets of the anime on Adult Swim late at night — don't tell my parents ;) — as an after-school treat on Toonami, and then years later as a re-watch when I introduced it to a friend (who, in turn, blessed me by having us watch Fullmetal Alchemist next). I used to keep a Hiei bookmark in everything I was reading, the spirit gun made it into our witch-wolf-space adventures on the playground (middle school was wild), and there was a long period of my life where I tried very hard to teach myself to stand with my hands behind my back, precisely as Genkai does. Spoiler alert: I failed. So to say I love the series is... a little bit of an understatement. I bring this up simply as a way of demonstrating that there's more than a bit of nostalgia attached to YYH for me and that will inevitably cloud my reading of it. How can it not? So that's just something to keep in mind as I work through a series that, like any having hit its 30th birthday, has its outdated, flawed, and other questionable aspects.

Second, but very much connected to the first point, is that these are pretty casual recaps. I summarize and extrapolate, focusing primarily on plot and dialogue (but with the occasional cinematography aspect tossed in). I'm not conducting research on the cultural history here — something that will come up at least once in this episode — I'm not arguing an overarching thesis, and I've never been someone who focuses on the author/production/trivia of a series. I'm here for the story as the story is presented to the viewer. If you've read my RWBY Recaps, this will function precisely the same way, with the only difference being I'm engaging with a finished text as opposed to an ongoing one, so there’s a lot less, “Maybe ___ will happen” theorizing going on.

Third, I obviously recommend that you watch the show yourself (you can find it on YouTube!), but you don't have to know the series to follow along. As these massive paragraphs attest, I tend to be both detailed and verbose, so we'll be covering every major plot point — and most of the smaller ones too.

Finally, I'm working from the dub. I know, I know, the horror. But it's what I grew up on and, honestly, I think it's superior to the sub. YYH's dubbing is in a class all its own and to this day there are very few shows that compare to it. Trust me, it's a good call.

That's enough of the boring chit-chat though. Let's get started!

Our very first episode "Surprised to be Dead" opens on a crowded street. We see lots of traffic, people going about their business, and a pedestrian crossing sign that, crucially, turns red. This is our normality and, like in every genre story, you need to break that normality at some point so that the protagonists can go on their fantastical/supernatural/science fiction journey. YYH eases us into things by first breaking the normality of an everyday afternoon: there's a screech of tires, quick shots of a man pushing a child out of the way of an oncoming car, and then his back is hitting the windshield. We begin this story with a horrible — but otherwise mundane — car crash.

Now, these flashes alone have a fair bit to unpack. Despite later getting a brief shot of the man's scared face right before he's hit, the moment's focus is really on the child. He's the one foregrounded in the initial, slow-mo shot. He's the one who appears in color while the man is kept in shadow. This isn't just a hit, it's a rescue. The camera is also careful to follow the soccer ball this kid was playing with (more on that later in the episode), with it flying through the air as the man is hit and bouncing to a stop in the street, acting as the dramatic finish. It's childhood! It's innocence! It's play on a sunny afternoon! And it's all gone wrong.

This moment is chaotic and even a bit confusing. Not in the sense of what's happening — that is quite obviously a guy being hit by a car — but who the victims are, how precisely this came about, or even why we're meant to care about this beyond a generic capacity to feel for other human (fictional) beings... that's all removed. And it works. As the crash takes place, the camera pans across the stunned crowd and we, the viewer, become a part of that crowd. They don't know what precisely is going on either. We're all just horrified onlookers as a sudden tragedy takes place. We're all watching the same show.

So everyone realizes this guy has been hit. People are staring in shock and someone calls for an ambulance. We see the driver fall to his knees in the street, distraught, shakily saying, "I didn't mean to..." It's a very serious and emotional scene that —

— is immediately tempered by this guy waking up, complete with a cute 'pop!' sound effect when he opens his eyes.

This is YYH's brand, this Very Serious Circumstances skillfully interwoven with casual indifference/comedy. It's admittedly far from a unique brand, but it's an excellent choice given that this is the same attitude that will drive 99% of our protagonist's interaction with the world.

Speaking of said protagonist, our guy wakes up, opens his eyes, and realizes that he's floating. There's a great, disorientating shot from his perspective where everything is upside down, causing him to nearly fall out of the air. Well would you look at that, he's as confused as we are. It's our audience surrogate!

A narrator says, "And so it all begins. This boy's name is Yusuke, he's fourteen years old, and he's supposed to be the hero of this story. But oddly enough, he's dead."

Game of Thrones might have made it popular, but YYH did it better.

(Yeah, yeah, I know one death kick-starts the journey and the other is a shocking twist. Just let me have this.)

Now, it's a weird introduction, right? At least at the end. The announcement that change has occurred, a name, an age... that all checks out. But "supposed to be the hero"? What the hell is that “supposed to” mean? Our narrator gives us the easy, surface answer: "But oddly enough, he's dead." We're capitalizing here on the audience's expectation that death ends a character's journey and though they may have been a hero previously, they can no longer be one moving forward. That function within the story has passed. So it's this intriguing question of, "What kind of hero do you have when that hero is dead from the start?" but as we'll see soon, there's an additional meaning here of, "How can Yusuke be the hero?" As this premiere sets up, Yusuke doesn't act like the hero is “supposed to” act.

Until he saved this kid.

But right now he's just confused: "Okay, this is weird. Stupid weird."

Two EMTs arrive on the scene and are hilariously useless. You know how in any medical drama a doctor will stop CPR after a couple of seconds because obviously you're not going to spend half the episode on realism? Well, that's this only a thousand times worse. One guy just looks at the kid and announces he's fine except for some bumps and bruises. Meanwhile, the kid is sobbing.

"Well, at least one of them is," replies the other EMT, because I guess he can tell Yusuke is beyond hope without taking a pulse or anything? "I hate cleanup," he complains as they load his body onto a stretcher because that's? An empathetic response to have??

Honestly this scene is wild.

Yusuke is understandably upset that he's, you know, dead and all. He starts hounding the EMTs who, unable to hear him, just go about their business of taking the kid and his body to the hospital. "You think you can just do whatever you want because you have that stupid uniform on? You can't just write me off. Listen to me!" and Yusuke tries to punch one of the EMTs in the head, resulting in him floating right through.

What a great way to introduce your protagonist's personality. We see here that when things go wrong Yusuke's default emotion is anger and it starts creeping in even before he thinks the others are ignoring him: "Stupid weird." He has problems with authority — "You think you can just do whatever you want because you have that stupid uniform on?" — is used to others listening when he gets angry — "You can't just write me off!" — and is poised to use violence at the slightest provocation. Yusuke is a guy who, right now at least, is ready to punch first and ask questions later.

As Yusuke floats back up into the air and the ambulance drives away, he finally cools down enough to try and think his way out of this. "It's not like this is the first time you've been in a jam,” he thinks. Yusuke recalls that yeah, something was different about today...

...he actually went to school.

Catch me laughing that this idiot boy equates the weirdness of him dying with going to school. Good lord.

Anyway, this jumpstarts our flashback. We open on a generic, anime middle school (that always feels like a high school to me) where the principal is calling for Yusuke through the loud speaker. Oooo someone’s in trouble! We follow a young girl up to the rooftop and she gets a classic hair-blowing-in-the-wind moment to establish that she's our love interest. Meet Keiko Yukimura.

Keiko finds Yusuke hanging out and immediately starts lecturing him for trying to chew gum and refusing to wear the boys' uniform. "Oh, give me a break, Keiko. I look better in green." Note that it's here we learn her name and it's an easy, casual way to introduce it. I bring this up because Yusuke's introduction via our narrator is very much... not that. It's an on your nose statement about his name, age, and importance to the story, and if you're just starting the show in 2021, it might come across as a rather armature move. Like something out of a kid's show, perhaps. Yet here we see that this was a deliberate choice, considering that YYH is capable of introducing character information naturally when it wants to.

This moment also tells us that Yusuke cares a great deal about his image. More on that in a bit. Because Keiko isn't finished her list of grievances yet, going on to say that his attendance record has hurt their entire class, hurt her as class representative, and if he keeps going down this path he won't even graduate middle school. "Sometimes I think you don't care about anyone but yourself and then you don't even do that right!"

They're legit complaints. Too bad Yusuke is busy looking up Keiko's skirt.

Yeeeeah. Sadly, this is common for anime, particularly a 90s anime like YYH. Even presumably more progressive series like My Hero Academia feature characters like Mineta, whose entire personality is being a pervert, and the creation of abilities that "require" kids/young women to be scantily clad. See: Yaoyorozu. YYH is no different in this regard, with various forms of sexual harassment functioning as a shorthand for how much Yusuke secretly likes Keiko. "Boys will be boys," right? Obviously not.

Like so many others series, the creators get away with it because they’re framing it as a bad thing. It's totally fine because look, Keiko slaps him! This is teaching the viewer how wrong this behavior is. Never mind that this is clearly an established habit between them, that Yusuke laughs off Keiko's discomfort, and that the whole scene is meant to be funny for the viewer. That's the real purpose here; it’s not a PSA on harassment.

That, and to establish the long-suffering love Keiko has for Yusuke in turn, largely stemming from a life-long friendship. "Dumb boy! He hasn't grown up a bit since he was four years old." We see that Keiko's early interactions with Yusuke have given her insight that others lack. As she heads down from the roof she runs into two girls hiding around the corner, too scared to come out lest "the great Urameshi" set his sights on them. Isn't Keiko terrified of what he might do to her? "Or worse, what others might say of it?" Like any classic high school middle school setting, one's reputation is king. Yusuke cares about how others see him — maintaining that tough boy attitude — and the girls care more about what the rest of the school might think of Keiko's interactions with him than the presumed harm Yusuke could do to her. They heard he can summon 2,000 men with just a whistle and that he "kills for fun!" But that means nothing in the face of people talking about you. Despite being one of the most popular girls in school, Keiko is the outsider here via her disinterest in what other people think.

The animation changes here, giving us a good look at how the girls picture Yusuke: tough, scowling, surrounded by shadows, and backed by an entire army.

In contrast, we've already seen what Yusuke is really like.

Keiko laughs the image off too. Yusuke is more like a "lamb" than a killer and besides, he couldn't order around two people, let alone two hundred. "He doesn't have many friends."

"That's not what I heard," says one of the girls.

"Yeah," goes the other. "I think we would know."

Again, rumors rule here, with whispers in the hall considered more reliable than someone who interacts with Yusuke on a daily basis. Keiko doesn’t have a hope of changing their minds.

Oh, as a side note, I love that they gave Keiko Miyazaki-esque hair. It's very emotive.

Yusuke escapes outside where the principal is still calling for him to report to his office. He overhears a conversation around the corner and we cut to two boys, one of which is showing a wallet off to the other. He explains that some bully tried to rough him up, but he said he was Urameshi's cousin and the bully took off, dropping his wallet in the process. The guy's friend is impressed, but what is he going to do if Yusuke ever finds out he lied? Not to worry, he says, that "blockhead" would probably think it's true even if he did somehow hear.

Yusuke, obviously, does hear about this and he, also obviously, does not believe this guy is his cousin. He looms ominously and they scurry up against a wall, terrified and offering him the wallet as an apology.

"You think I want your money?" Yusuke yells.

YYH is, in many respects, a rather simple story, but I appreciate the hints of complexity in these otherwise straightforward interactions. It's not that this guy used Yusuke's name to steal a wallet, he used it as a form of protection against another bully — a far more sympathetic motivation. It's not that Yusuke's fearsome reputation has resulted in any genuine respect because once people think they're safe they reveal how little they think of his intelligence — he's a "blockhead." And Yusuke, though intimidating and violent, is not your average, schoolyard bully. He doesn't care about money, only the insult and the damage this guy using his name might have done to his reputation. There's a little more nuance here than you might otherwise expect.

Also, note how dark the boys' standard uniforms are and how much they blend into the rest of the world. Yusuke, as our protagonist, stands out in his bright clothing. He was right, he does look better in green!

So he's ready to clobber this kid when one of the teachers arrive: Mr. Iwamoto.

Iwamoto demands to know what's going on, but the boys are too terrified to rat Yusuke out. Noticing the wallet on the ground, he assumes that Yusuke was after their money, something that greatly offends him: "Whatever!" Iwamoto goes on to say that, "No good weeds like you should have been plucked a long time ago," making it clear that he considers Yusuke a hopeless case. The positive aspects that Keiko sees, as well as the complexity the viewer sees — to say nothing of his introduction of saving a kid — aren’t considered here.

Notably, Iwamoto exists in part to show us what Yusuke could become. Not a teacher (he's obviously not attending school enough for that!), but a cynical man who is cruel for cruelty's sake. Yusuke is already barreling down that path, ignoring Keiko's advice, terrorizing other students, trying to punch EMTs, etc. If his life (or afterlife...) hadn't changed through that accident, this is the kind of person Yusuke might have grown up to be, and we can see that clearly in the visual parallels between them. Dark haired men dressed in green who scowl with ease and toss out cutting insults. Yusuke is staring his future in the face.

For now he walks off with a final shot, "You shouldn't talk. It makes you sound stupid." This time Yusuke makes it to the school's entrance and tries to enjoy his second attempt at chewing gum, but someone hits him in the back of the head.

"Okay, somebody's DEAD — ah. Sorry, old man."

"That's Mr. Takenaka to you."

Our principal has finally left the office and hunted down Yusuke for himself! Putting this interaction immediately after the one with Iwamoto allows the viewer to compare them. Yusuke might be irreverent towards his principal, but it's clear there's still some kind of respect between them. Yusuke only starts threatening because he doesn’t realize who hit him and once he does realize it's Takenaka, he immediately apologizes. That "old man" comes across as a teasing insult and Yusuke allows himself to be briefly dragged back towards school, rather than throwing a now classic punch. In turn, Takenaka cares enough about Yusuke to try and keep him on the straight and narrow. He utilizes Yusuke's preferred language — violence — but in a casual way, nonthreatening way: slight hit to the back of his head, noogie, pulling him along by the ear.

It's the sort of physicality we're used to seeing in media between a parent and child who are outwardly antagonistic, but actually share a deep bond. Takenaka is also careful to frame their return to his office as a "discussion," not a punishment, and offers Yusuke tea along with the conversation. Whereas Iwamoto considers Yusuke to be a "weed" that should have been plucked from their school long ago, Takenaka is determined to help Yusuke bloom.

If we're continuing the flower metaphor :D

Yusuke isn't in the mood to play along though. He gets away by using a fake ear, startling Takenaka when it unexpectedly pulls free. Yusuke escapes the school grounds and Takenaka, suffering a back twinge from his fall, can't chase after him. Poor guy. I understand that pain lol.

Yusuke heads home where we're introduced to his mother, Atsuko. Most notable in her first shot is the soft lighting that highlights her looks. We're not told how old she is here, but I believe she's around 28 — and she looks it, if not younger. Given that Yusuke is 14, that means Atsuko was a mom at his age. This is a quick and subtle way to tell us about Yusuke's home life. There are more overt details in this scene — it's at least lunchtime and Atsuko hasn't left her bed yet, she demands that Yusuke make her coffee instead of greeting him, it's all meant to imply (before we actually see) that she's an alcoholic — but her age is another way to highlight the broken household here. There's no partner in sight and she clearly had Yusuke as a teenager. He hasn't had a strong parental figure to take care of him. If anything, Yusuke is taking care of Atsuko here.

"Oh great, mother of the year!" basically sums things up.

Atsuko wants to know why Yusuke isn't in school and he says that everyone is pissing him off today, particularly with their preaching. "Dear, if you hate preaching so much you should live on your own... but you can't do that, can you?" Alongside a rough upbringing, Yusuke is suffering from the common problem of being trapped in a dead-end life. He hates his school, his town, and coming home to find his mom hungover. Yusuke has no prospects and, outside of one principal, no one who is actively working to help him find some. Even the little things he hates, like being preached to, are unavoidable because if you want to live on your own, that requires money. Good luck pulling that off as a middle schooler whose only skill is street fighting!

Yusuke walks off in a huff, literally shouting in a street about what a bad day he's having (and hilariously scaring off pedestrians in the process). His shout brings trouble though. A couple guys appear to ambush him, their boss close behind. The music increases the tension, Yusuke's expression is serious, and we even get a Dutch angle thrown into the mix.

For any who don't know, the Dutch angle is a popular film technique to establish that something is wrong. There's tension in the scene, something uneasy is at play, and the world is now literally off center. It's perhaps most famously used in Do The Right Thing to establish the friction between an Italian-American pizzeria and the predominantly African American neighborhood it's based in.

But it's also used a great deal in horror as a way to say: yup, shit just got real. Scary real.

This Dutch angle introduces a character you may not appreciate at first, but absolutely should: Kazuma Kuwabara.

He's initially the comic relief and that's clear in his introduction. Within seconds we move from that intimidating arrival to, well, seeing him. To be clear, I've got nothing against redheads with big chins, but compared to Yusuke's design, Kuwabara is meant to be the funny looking one. His threat level plummets the moment we get a look at his face, especially in a series that will occasionally use looks as a (supposed) measure of intelligence.

Also, Kuwabara is dressed in light blue so, like Yusuke, we know he's important!

Any assumptions that his appearance isn’t meant to imply a goofy, embarrassing personality are put to rest when Kuwabara starts rambling about how they last time they fought Yusuke just got a cheap shot in and he'll definitely win this time. Yeah, he won't. Yusuke is thrilled by this diversion though and we get a shot of him looking almost as creepy as Keiko's friends think he is. Whatever else might be said about Yusuke, he is absolutely a monster in a fight.

Which we see here. If anyone picked up the series without knowing this was a fighting anime, they'll realize it now. Yusuke's choreography is stylized to show off his skill: he disappears with a 'whoosh' and dark lines to suggest inhuman speed,

attacking Kuwabara with a knee to the face, utilizes flying kicks, lands perfect, precision punches, and ends it all with the toe-tip landing we've come to expect of all powerful fighters. Kuwabara never even got a hit in.

Happy as a clam now, Yusuke wanders off whistling and Kuwabara's friends are left to pick up the pieces. AKA, his likely broken bones. I love that they're legit friends though and not just nameless goons for the sake of giving Kuwabara a small gang (though their names won't come up until later). "That makes 0 wins an 156 loses!" one of them cries, trying to get Kuwabara to stop ending up in the hospital, probably. We establish that Kuwabara is The Most Dramatic Ever when he pulls his broken body into a seated position, shouting, "No! I almost had him that time!"

Then he passes out.

Kuwabara, honey, you obviously did not almost have him, but god bless you for the outlook. The most optimistic thing on this Earth is a well-loved Golden Retriever, but Kuwabara comes in at a very close second.

With his dream to one day beat Yusuke in combat established, we cut to Yusuke wandering the street where the episode opened. "Okay, I'm remembering" he says in a voiceover. "After that I met the kid."

The soccer ball reappears as it rolls to a stop at Yusuke's feet. He grabs it and immediately starts yelling at the kid. Horrible protagonist, right? Well, Yusuke is trying to instill in him the danger of using this street as a playground, a worry the viewer already knows is 100% justified. “Listen, kid, that’s dangerous! There are cars going by that will splatter you into the pavement!” It's one of those quick moments where we get to enjoy Yusuke's duality: he's someone who is nearly making a toddler cry, but for rather understandable reasons. He's got the right idea, but needs to go about it in a more mature manner.

Which is precisely what he attempts to do. Sort of. Yusuke changes gears, though whether it's a more "mature" route is certainly up for debate lol. He tries entertaining the kid instead, raising and lowering the soccer ball to reveal goofy faces.

When these fail to impress, Yusuke goes full out by stuffing the ball into his pants, pushing his nose up with a pair of chopsticks he got from god knows where, and generally just putting on a display.

So Yusuke cares very deeply about his reputation... but only when it comes to those who are an established part of his life. Keiko, Mr. Takenaka, and the other kids at school all need to maintain a particular image of Yusuke, one that he's carefully cultivated. But random pedestrians on the street? Who cares about them? Let them talk.

This shows us that Yusuke does indeed have priorities over his own, selfish goals. Namely, the happiness of some kid is more important to him than looking "cool" for a bunch of strangers. Lots of characters with Yusuke's surface attitude would sneer at the idea of degrading themselves for — their words — some brat. But Yusuke, as we constantly see, actually does have that heart of gold. “Well, if all else fails I can still make kids happy.”

Although... I'm not sure what to make of his display itself. I have the distinct sense that there's something prejudiced here that I'm not able to fully articulate, what with the chopsticks, slanted eyes, bald head, and the like, though to be entirely frank I don't have enough knowledge of Japan's history to say precisely what it might be. Or, really, whether it exists at all. Just something to chew on.

What I am sure about though is the importance of having the child label Yusuke as monster — "Yeah, monster! — but in a delighted manner. Yusuke is indeed some kind a monster, someone who disappoints adults and terrifies his classmates, a demon fighter on the streets too, but here that identity is reworked into something positive.

Having successful secured a laugh, Yusuke tells the kid — calmly this time — to go play elsewhere. The toddler stares up at him with the blank expression only kids can manage.

Well, kids and whatever headspace I'm in after writing these metas.

To absolutely no one's surprise except Yusuke's, the kid does not go elsewhere. Instead, he continues kicking the ball down the street, causing Yusuke to exclaim, “Dammit, what’s the use? The kid can get smashed by a car for all I care!” Liar, liar.

The picture becomes desaturated as the kid kicks the ball and it flies into the street, time slowing down to show it landing precisely in the middle of the road. Yusuke again yells for him to stay put, but when has a toddler ever listened? He begins to walk into the road as our driver arrives, speeding, swerving, and paying more attention to the girl at his side than what's in front of him.

This time, we see the accident from the front with both Yusuke and the kid presented equally.

There's a cut to black and when we return we're in the present, Yusuke floating above the policemen now investigating the scene. “So that’s it? I’m roadkill?” As Yusuke realizes he's dead, specifically that he's a ghost, a voice goes,

"Bingo! Bingo! You win the prize!"

A woman has appeared who is quite obviously othered by the standards of the episode so far. Unlike the greens, blues, and browns of the series' modern clothes, she's dressed in hot pink kimono with blue hair to match. She's also, you know, floating on an oar.

“I didn’t expect you to figure it out so quickly," she says, referring to Yusuke's revelation that he's dead. Apparently, those who meet unexpected and/or violent ends tend to take some time coming to terms with their demise. It's a nice acknowledgment of Yusuke's intelligence in an interaction that's otherwise... not great for his self-esteem.

Meaning, this woman is about to drag him lol.

She introduces herself as Botan, pilot of the River Styx and guider of souls to the afterlife. You might also know her as the Grim Reaper.

(Hey, RWBY fans: I originally wrote that as Grimm Reaper 🤦‍♀️)

It's an claim Yusuke takes issue with because 1. Botan is too pretty to be the Grim Reaper and 2. If she was really some god of death she'd be taking this much more seriously, not laughing and saying, "Bingo!" For the audience this does two things. First, it acknowledges our own expectations and validates them. Yusuke's world isn't so far removed from our own that he takes Botan's looks and personality at face value, he also expected a skeleton with a scythe. So don't worry, all the weird stuff in this series is weird to our protagonist too. They'll be explanations. Or, even if there’s not, you’re not wrong for being surprised.

Second, it sets up the very common theme in YYH of undermining those common assumptions again and again and again. We've already seen it with Yusuke, wherein characters who look and act a certain way are, supposedly, destined to be that person and nothing more. Yusuke is meant to be just a "weed," a dumb, violent, angry loser who goes nowhere in life... but we already know he's more than that. Botan is supposed to be scary and serious, but she says nah, I want to be cute and bubbly instead. No character in YYH embodies who they're "supposed" to be when you look past those surface characterizations. They play the part of archetypes — and do keep certain parts of their expected personalities — but they're also far more well-rounded than that. Which yeah, is something most people expect from any story nowadays, but YYH is particularly adept at making you think you're watching Simple Show A only to turn around and surprise you with More Complex Show B.

It's great, trust me.

So Yusuke is pissed that Botan isn't adhering to those expectations, in the same way that he works hard to validate others expectations of him. He doesn't know how to deal with someone challenging his world view yet. Rather than angering Botan though, she just nods and says that this response makes sense for him. “Rather than being scared, or surprised, you yell a lot and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about." Taking out a notebook, she quickly summarizes everything we learned in the flashback — minus Yusuke's complexities: he's fourteen, in middle school, is ill-tempered, violent, hates authority, and is a horrible student.

Typically, Yusuke responds by getting angry and trying to snatch the booklet out of her hands, only for Botan to pull it out of his reach, laughing. The tables have turned! Rather than being surrounded by people who cower at Yusuke's imposed authority, he now finds himself faced with someone who laughs at his transparent attempts to take control of the situation.

Calming down, Yusuke wants to know if the kid he saved is really alright and Botan offers to let him see for himself. That offer produces Yusuke's first, genuine smile.

They fly to the hospital where a doctor is in the process of giving the kid a clean bill of health, his mother crying with relief.

That's enough for Yusuke. “Alright, Botan, I’ve got no regrets, so you can take me to hell or wherever it is I’m going.”

That tells you all you need to know about Yusuke's self-worth, despite his bad boy attitude. His life is a dead-end as far as he can see and most of those around him haven't done anything to dissuade him of that idea. He says he doesn't care if the kid lives or dies, but then instinctively saves him. Post his death, Yusuke doesn't have anything he considers a regret, or anything he'd like to do before he leaves, like saying goodbye to a loved one. Oh, he's also pretty sure he's going to hell and has resigned himself to that without a fight.

Uplifting!

Botan just laughs though, saying that she's actually here to offer Yusuke an "ordeal" that could bring him back to life. See, he wasn't supposed to die today — let alone die saving a kid — and frankly they don't know what to do with him. It's another neat summary of what we've already learned: Yusuke is a far more complicated case than the afterlife assumed and now, when push comes to shove, deciding whether he belongs in heaven or hell is... muddled.

There's a fantastic story there about the problems with an afterlife that reduces a person's entire life to a few surface characteristics recorded in a book, refusing to acknowledge the context of their situation, or their capacity for change. “Run someone with your credentials a thousand times and they never would have saved a kid like that." Except, of course, Yusuke did save him, so those "credentials" are suspect, to say the least. However, YYH is not a story that explores these issues. Instead, I recommend you watch this!

Rather than being upset at the afterlife's low opinion of him (because let's be real, Yusuke shares it), he latches onto a little detail Botan let slip. If he wasn't supposed to die today... then was the kid?

Mmm... no. Actually, without the chaos of Yusuke jumping into the road, the driver would have swerved at the last second and the kid would have not only lived, but actually come out with one less scrape.

So Yusuke is obviously upset by this news! I would be too!! Holy shit, hang onto the "it's the thought that counts" message with everything you've got.

Also, don't think too much about the fact that the afterlife apparently knows exactly what will happen to people, down to how many cuts they accumulate in an accident. Also, don't think too much about where the afterlife foreseeing the crash begins and the unexpectedness of Yusuke interfering ends. That way lies madness. This will never come up again, so just let it go.

Sorry, 2013 me hijacked the post for a second.

As said, Yusuke is understandably upset by this revelation and as he fumes I'm reminded that this series likes to pull some amazing expressions.

Botan reiterates that it's all fine because Yusuke can come back to life. Weren't you listening? He should feel honored, in fact, considering that an offer like this only arrives every 100 years or so. Well, that explains why all of humanity isn't grappling with people coming back to life on the daily. One person every generation isn't going to cause much of a stir.

However, instead of jumping at the chance Yusuke announces that Botan is just like the teachers at school: she doesn't know what she's talking about. “You said yourself my life was kind of pathetic, right?” he says, going on to explain that everyone will be happier now that he's dead. His school won't have to deal with his behavior, Keiko won't have to nag him, and his mom will be able to party whenever she wants. It's a win-win for everyone involved.

Hmm, this feels familiar.

Don't worry, Yusuke doesn't need to experience a whole alternate reality to get the message.

“I’m sorry you feel that way at such an early age," Botan says and she is sorry, because despite her teasing nature that's a legitimately horrifying thing to believe. Yusuke won't budge though and after a little back-and-forth Botan leaves, telling Yusuke he should think it over while visiting his wake. She'll come back once he decides what to do.

“Do you have worms in your ears, lady? I did decide!” but Botan is long gone.

We cut to that night where Yusuke has indeed decided to attend his own wake. Maybe because of Botan's advice, maybe because he's just morbidly curious. We’re not given insight into the decision.

Atsuko is a mess, to put it mildly, not dressed for the occasion and sitting slumped against the way, staring vacantly as the guests offer their condolences. Yusuke is surprised by the fact that his entire class is here, but quickly writes them off when he sees two of the boys laughing. I'm on the fence about this detail, which I'll unpack in just a second.

First though, Yusuke sees Keiko exiting the house, inconsolable in her grief. She collapses on the ground with her two friends trying to offer comfort, despite the fact that they had nothing good to say about Yusuke himself. Good on them.

Before he can think too long on this though, Yusuke is distracted by Kuwabara's arrival. Unlike Keiko's crying, he expresses his grief through yelling. Specifically, yelling at Yusuke. For dying. For daring to "run away." His own friends are physically holding him back as he charges into the wake, screaming, “Who am I gonna fight now, huh? Who am I gonna fight?" It's not really about the fighting, of course. At least, not the fighting alone. "You’re supposed to be here for me," Kuwabara finishes, the punch he's thrown at Yusuke's photo going limp and catching his first tear.

You know, for all the goofy expressions, this show really is gorgeous. Just wait until we get to the fight animations.

Kuwabara's reaction is why I hesitate to write off the classmates like Yusuke has. Granted, we have no reason to believe that they care for him as Kuwabara does — they're nameless background characters defined only by their terror of "the great Urameshi" — but it's still a split second taken out of context. We don't know what they were laughing at, or if laughing is a part of their grief. God knows I personally laugh at the most inappropriate moments. If you tell me someone has just died there is a very good chance I will laugh awkwardly as I try to process that. It’s just a reflex. All of which I bring up not because these side characters are important, but because Yusuke's perception of his own worth is. The point of each of these moments is to show that those around him have always cared for him, even if Yusuke didn't notice. It's nice to think that extends to his classmates too. The variety likewise exists to show us how people grieve differently, with Kuwabara's friends not understanding that this is how he's working through the trauma: “This place is for mourning!” He is mourning, even if his way of mourning isn't as socially acceptable as Keiko's. So if screaming and throwing punches is valid, crying is valid, staring stoically in a drunk stupor is valid... why not laughter too?

Not likely, perhaps, but possible.

As an additional possibility to chew on, watching this premier again, it struck me how more emotional Kuwabara's scene is compared to Keiko's. Don't get me wrong, crying and calling Yusuke’s name gets the point across, but it's two seconds of generic grief compared to a much longer scene rife with intensity. When Kuwabara arrives the music swells and everyone is forced to pay attention to him. His grief is loud, violent, and given symbolism with his fist and the photo. There's more effort put into his reaction, frankly, so it wouldn't surprise me if fans started shipping them after this. That grief combined with an "enemies to lovers" possibility is a pretty potent mix. To be clear, Yusuke/Keiko is the (oh so obvious) canonical endgame and in the fandom Yusuke/Kuwabara can't compare to another slash ship that will turn up later, but this is a good example of how writers can craft some Very Gay Scenes without realizing it. When you have the girl crying prettily for a second and the guy absolutely losing his mind over Yusuke's death, questioning his purpose now, his support network, and then collapsing in grief... don't be surprised if your audience goes, "Oh hey, maybe they'd be a good couple instead."

But I digress.

The only people who are unquestioningly happy about Yusuke's passing are Mr. Iwamoto and his co-conspirator, Mr. Akashi. You know Akashi is another bad guy because he has bucked teeth and "ugliness" is an easy way to code for evilness. YYH is not immune to those mistakes :/

These two are really something else though, standing in the middle of a wake and claiming it's “too bad that car wasn’t big enough for them too," referring to Kuwabara and his friends. Wow! What stellar members of the academic community. Iwamoto goes on to say that Yusuke dying at least accomplished something good. Not, mind you, saving the life of a child, but rather looking good for their school's reputation. Akashi agrees, but says it's likely Yusuke only accidentally saved him while trying to steal the kid's lunch money. Remember, that accusation of theft is the one thing Yusuke has said outright that he does not do.

He's pissed listening to all this — wouldn't you be? — but knows by now he can't do anything about it. In another fantastic shot, Yusuke hovers his hand over Iwamoto's shoulder, desperate to grab him, when Takenaka's arrives there instead.

“What do you suppose is more disgraceful? That boy showing his misery, or your insensitive and idiotic words!”

HELL YEAH. You tell 'em, Mr. Takenaka.

Yusuke gets his third shock of the night at this passionate defense. Takenaka leaves the teachers to go pay his respects, but admits to Yusuke's picture that he just can't speak well of him. He was surprised to hear that Yusuke gave up his life for another and it's a fact that he acted selfishly. Though he doesn't say it in as many words, Takenaka explains that he's not grieving because Yusuke was a good person, but because it's so clear to him that he might have been. “Why didn’t you stay? You could have made something great out of yourself.”

Normally, "Why didn't you stay?" is just something for the living to grapple with, as the dead obviously don't have any say in what happens to them. But Yusuke does. It's here that the lighting grows soft again and Yusuke considers Takenaka's words. Keiko and Kuwabara grieve for who he was, but Takenaka grieves for who Yusuke could have been — someone that might still exist if Yusuke decides to undergo this ordeal.

Atsuko adds fuel to the emotional fire, breaking down and hiding her face in her knees.

Finally, the kid Yusuke saved arrives with his mother. Because yes, Yusuke saved him in every way that matters, considering no one else knows — or will know — that he'd have lived anyway. I like that the show doesn't allow that knowledge to undermine the emotion of their arrival, or what Yusuke’s act meant to them.

The mom tells her son to pay his respects and the kid thanks Yusuke for saving him, and for "making faces." He clearly doesn't get what's going on here. This is confirmed as the two leave and he asks his mom if he can play with Yusuke again tomorrow. “I know some people sounded angry at him, but he’s really nice!"

They're probably just crying because they want to play with him too, he thinks, which just makes his mom join in. Everyone is crying in this club tonight.

Those words are the cincher for Yusuke and with a brief montage of all the grief he's witnessed, he makes his decision.

We cut to later that night where Yusuke floats above the city, admiring the moon. Botan reappears and he asks, “Have you ever not known about something that seemed obvious to everyone else?” Yes, everyone has experienced that at one point or another. She asks if he's made his decision and Yusuke agrees to try and come back to life.

Emotional revelations out of the way, we're allowed another tone shift as Botan yells with joy, speeding off and causing Yusuke to grab hold of the end of her oar, lest he be left behind. Cranky as always, he demands to know where they're going. "To the spirit world, of course!" They're off to see someone who can explain the ordeal and give Yusuke the tool needed to complete it. Just hang on and enjoy the ride.

Thus ends our very first episode! Ah, the nostalgia. This is part one of a four arc series, with the anime cutting out a lot of the filler stories found at the start of the manga — a smart decision, I think. They primarily do the work of teaching Yusuke what he learned at the wake, so if you can accomplish that as quickly as the adaptation did, all the better. Especially since Yusuke needs to grow a great deal beyond the basic understanding that people might, sort of care for him, and that work will occur primarily through a job he's going to take on. The series isn't really about his death and it's not about an attempt to come back either — it's about what happens once you get that second chance. So this is the setup, but it's important setup all the same.

No need to skip ahead though. I've blathered enough for one recap. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you when the writing gods next bless me with energy! 💜

#YYH #Yu Yu Hakusho #YYH recaps #mymetas

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captain-josslett · 4 years ago

Text

Broken Melody - Part Twenty One

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen, Part Fifteen, Part Sixteen, Part Seventeen, Part Eighteen, Part Nineteen, Part Twenty...

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 6k+

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, stuff... I’m so tried my brain can’t function.

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor

This Part: Lena has a question she wants to ask Emma.

Here you go, I hope you enjoy! My eyes are closing as I’m trying to write this. Such fun! Please forgive the exhaustion that is showing in this part.

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated. Please! I like knowing your thoughts.

Taglist: @finleyfray, @life-is-hella-unfair, @natasha-danvers, @supergirl-writingz, @camslightstories, @thinking1bee, @aznblossom,

Lena tries to concentrate as she goes through the mountain of paperwork that has built up over the past week and a bit since the attack. Frustration flows through her when the pile never seems to decrease in size.

When the CEO finds herself reading the same line over and over Lena sighs heavily and leans back in her office chair. She lifts the tip of her thumb to her mouth and bites. Her anxiety swirling and simmering under the surface. Taking another deep breath Lena looks down at her phone. She quickly grabs it, turning her chair towards the window and opens a playlist full of Emma’s voice and video messages as well as the songs she sent. Even if it was to ask her opinion on which lyrics sound better or a simple “Good Morning love.”

The raven haired beauty scrolls through the hundreds of files before coming across one of her favourites. It was also in video form which Lena doesn’t know if it's a good thing or not. To actually see Emma talk and sing instead of just hearing her girlfriend.

“Hi Lee!” Emma’s beaming face fills the screen. Her wavy blonde hair is down and she’s wearing Lena’s National City University sweatshirt she had sneakily packed into her bag and taken on the tour.

Immediately tears start to creep into Lena’s eyes when she hears Emma’s voice. Realising how much she misses her love’s laugh, the changes of tone as the blonde would talk about the different things that have happened to her during the day. The tender way Emma would softly whisper her name as she was falling asleep.

“I hope your day is going great! Well, I’m back in the studio-” Emma motions around her to the dimly lit recording studio and the microphone equipment next to her. “-and I was thinking about you, I mean, when am I not thinking about you?!” Emma chuckles and Lena can’t help but lift the corner of her mouth up in a small smile as a lone tear rolls down her cheek. “Anyway, this song came to my mind and I immediately needed to record it for you.”

Emma lifts her guitar up onto her lap and starts strumming. Her hazel green eyes connect with the camera, as if she’s looking straight at Lena.

You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged, oh I realise It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all The darkness inside you Can make you feel so small

Like the previous times before Lena is completely floored when she watches Emma sing. The way in which the words touch Lena and making her heart melt and ache all at once. How even though her girlfriend is singing to a camera she somehow connects with Lena.

But I see your true colours Shining through I see your true colours And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colours True colours True colours are beautiful Like a rainbow

“Wow.”

Lena jumps and quickly locks her phone, halting the video and Emma’s voice. The CEO spins around to see an apologetic Sam standing behind her desk.

“Sorry!” Sam holds her hands up and Lena wipes her face. Trying to hide the emotions that had surfaced.

“It’s okay.” Lena tries to tidy her desk a bit before focusing back on her friend. “Everything okay?”

“Yea, it’s gone six.”

Lena’s eyes widen as she glances down at the clock on her desk.

‘Shit.’ The raven haired beauty thinks in dismay and presses her lips together until they disappear.

“You alright?” Sam asks with a frown.

“I didn’t get enough done today.” Lena uncharacteristically slumps forward and holds her head in her hands.

“Hey-” Sam quickly comes around and sits on the desk, placing a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. “You are ahead of what you need to do, but if things get too much we can always hire more assistants. You aren’t in this alone.”

Lena swallows heavily and nods. Sam may say she’s ahead but the raven haired beauties expectations are set too high from years of trying to please her family.

“So, how about we pick up some food and go see that gorgeous girlfriend of yours?”

Sam’s comment makes Lena gradually sit up and glare at the brunette.

“Hands off Arias.” Lena growls and Sam throws her head back laughing.

“Wrong Danvers my dear.” Sam gently pats Lena’s cheek before getting up and grabbing her stuff.

Lena smiles and shakes her head. Quickly wiping the tears from her face before shutting everything down on her desk. She takes one more look at the piles of work.

Before Kara Danvers had come into her life she would have stayed until the early hours of the morning to complete her tasks. Sometimes not even leaving the office at all. But with Kara everything changed. Her obsessive, workaholic routines had been disrupted with lunches, coffee meet ups, movie and games nights. Lena found herself developing more and more friendships and she liked it.

Then when Emma Danvers swung into Lena’s life… Well there was no hope of Lena ever working late into the night again.

Because no matter where Emma was she would ask when the best time was for her to call Lena and for some strange reason Lena had given her a time that cut her working hours a lot shorter. This also meant that Lena wasn’t elbow deep in work that would distract her from spending time with her crush. Over time this became her new normal and even when Emma couldn’t chat due to the time difference (and Lena refused to allow Emma to sacrifice her sleep for her) Lena would find herself finishing work at a reasonable hour.

Finally Lena turns away from the work and stands, rolling her chair under the desk and smoothing out her grey dress.

The pair walk out of LCorp in comfortable silence towards Sam’s car, nodding at employees as they went.

As Lena settles into the passenger seat she notices her brunette friend overly tapping the steering wheel.

“Sam? Is there something wrong?”

“Erm, could we- I mean, if it’s okay. Could we listen to Emma sing?”

Lena hesitates for a moment. Wanting to keep the songs her girlfriend has sent her private and only for herself.

But the raven haired beauty reaches into her bag and pulls out her phone. Connecting it to Sam’s car and choosing a song for the pair to listen to.

The car is filled with the gentle sound of a piano and soon Emma starts singing.

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside I'm not one of those who can easily hide I don't have much money, but boy if I did I'd buy a big house where we both could live

The corner of Lena’s lips pull up slightly as she listens to her girlfriend. Images flash through her mind of a house the pair would buy and make a home. Where everything that has happened over the past few weeks would be a distance memory. They would both be happy, healthy and even more in love.

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do See I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue Anyway the thing is what I really mean Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

Lena can’t help but feel a slight blush build up in her cheeks. Remembering the way Emma would stare into her eyes as they lay on the bed, saying she was taking in every detail of colour and noticing the flecks of blue in them.

Lena also notices how Sam glances over at her every so often and chooses to ignore her friend. Instead turning her head to gaze out of the window and keeps listening to her girlfriend’s declaration of love.

And you can tell everybody this is your song It may be quite simple, but now that it's done I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words How wonderful life is now you're in the world

The raven haired beauty rests her head against the side of the car door. She takes a big intake of breath and lets it out gradually.

“Lena?” She hears Sam ask softly.

“Yea?”

“You okay?”

Lena pauses as she chooses her answer. Knowing if she lies Sam will pick up on it.

“No, but I will be.” Lena slowly lifts her head up and gives Sam a small smile. The song ends and Lena chooses another more upbeat one that has Sam tapping along on the steering wheel.

An idea starts forming and Lena bites the inside of her lip. “So, did Lucy mention where Emma will be staying after she leaves the DEO?”

“No. I know she’s going to talk to Emma about it soon. Why?”

“Do- do you think Emma would move in with me?” Lena asks quietly, purposefully not looking at Sam as she says it.

“Most definitely!” Sam makes Lena jump with her loud, enthusiastic response. “I mean, she’s totally in love with you and it’s not like your relationship is brand new.” Sam beams at her friend. “Also you guys totally failed in the lesbian stereotype! You should have moved in together on the second date right?”

Lena chuckles and shakes her head. Secretly she would have loved to have moved in with Emma straight away, they were practically living at each other’s apartments anyway, even before their relationship developed further.

“Okay, I’m going to ask her. Today.” Lena says mostly to herself and nods slowly.

“Yes!” Sam can’t help but smile brightly at her friend and a surge of happiness fills the brunette. Finally some good news among the chaos of the past few weeks.

The raven haired beauty turns to smile nervously at Sam. “She has to say yes first.”

Sam scoffs. “Are you kidding me right now? Really?” Sam can’t help but raise her eyebrows. “Lee if you asked Emma to marry you, right now, I have no doubt in my mind she would.”

At that Lena’s smile lights up her whole face as she imagines Emma in a bridal gown. Walking towards her with a radiant smile on her face.

‘Lena Danvers.’ The raven haired beauty tests the name in her mind and settles back into her seat. Going over what the venue would look like, whether Emma would want a big wedding or something more intimate.

But soon the brunette starts feeling frustrated as the car crawls along the road. “Urgh this traffic!”

“Must be some roadworks happening.”

“Yea, or there's a gathering outside Em’s apartment again.”

“Oh?”

“Yea, more and more fans have been showing up to pay their respects and show their support.” Sam says casually as she places her elbow on the car window and rests her head against her hand. “She’s gained an even bigger following than before. Lucy’s been working non stop to try and contain the true story. Apparently she’s gonna ask Emma to stage some photos and create a timeline.” Sam quickly glances over at her friend as she provides the information Lucy had discussed with her. A deep frown is etched on Lena's face and her mouth opens to speak, but Sam stops her before she can ask any questions. “Best to talk to Lucy about it.”

Lena nods and turns back to stare out of the window. Her mind races with what Lucy could have planned. Guessing that Emma would need to be kept out of the public eye for a while due to the injuries she had received.

‘Well she shouldn’t be breathing at all.’ Lena’s mind whispers and she immediately feels sick. But the feeling soon fades as she focuses on Emma’s voice.

The car slowly makes progress down the street when it comes to a halt outside a florist.

“Do you think this traffic will clear in the next few minutes?” Lena asks quickly.

“No, doesn’t look like it.” Sam whines frustratedly, slamming her head back on the head rest.

“I’m getting some flowers.” Suddenly Lena grabs her phone, unbuckles and jumps out of the car before Sam can react or say anything.

Lena ignores the looks people give her as she strides confidently across the road towards the small florist. She marvels at the colours of the flowers and heads inside.

“Welcome! Welcome!” A kind elderly couple greet her behind the counter.

“How may I help you today dear?” The gentleman asks her. Lena immediately notices recognition in his eyes but he doesn’t say anything more. Which she is grateful for.

“I would like to purchase a bouquet for my girlfriend please.”

“Ah! Any special occasion?” The elderly woman asks kindly as she starts gathering some flowers to show the CEO.

“Er- no, not particularly. She’s in hospital at the moment and I wanted to cheer her up, show her my love?” Lena cringes slightly at how she doesn’t know what to say. Not wanting to give away Emma’s state.

“Ah of course. Well our prices range differently, depending on what you choose. But, as it’s you and these are for our favourite customer, we are going to give them to you for free.” The elderly gentleman smiles kindly at her.

Lena blinks a few times and her eyebrows rise.

“Thank you sir, but I insist on paying.”

“Nonsense! Emma has been a valuable customer over the years and we were both utterly devastated by the horrific attack that befalled her.”

“Truly tragic.” His wife nods along before staring Lena in the eyes. “But is she getting better?”

“Slowly but surely.” Lena tries to reassure them.

“Good, that’s good.” The elderly gentleman nods. “Now my dear, as I am sure you are aware flowers have different meanings. What would you like the bouquet to represent.”

Lena thinks for a moment. “My love for her.” She simply says.

The couple smile at her. “Right!” The lady claps her hands and starts gathering flowers together, quickly explaining what each one means and for Lena’s approval.

Lena reaches into her bag for her card, still wanting to pay for the beautiful bouquet.

“No.” The gentleman holds out a hand and smiles at Lena’s confused expression. “Please, it is the least we can do for her.”

Lena nods but sneakily reaches into her purse and places a few hundred bills in a tip jar on the counter.

“I know she isn’t with it properly but when she can if you could give Emma our love we’d really appreciate it.” The lady says kindly as she hands Lena the beautiful bouquet of flowers. “Who knows maybe the colours will help revive her.”

“I hope so and I definitely will.” Lena cradles the flowers carefully, gazing at the roses, tulips, baby breath and daisies. Hoping she can remember all the different meanings to tell her girlfriend. “Thank you again.” Lena smiles at the couple and leaves the shop. Waving at them as she opens the door and steps out into the street.

The raven haired beauty glances around for Sam’s car and sees it near the end of the street. Lena quickly makes her way down the pavement and through the traffic to get back to the car. Sam unlocks the doors and Lena gracefully slides in.

“Wow, they look lovely.” Sam stares at the bouquet.

“They do don’t they?” Lena smiles and smells the flowers.

“Can you play more of Emma’s songs please?”

“Sure.” Lena quickly links her phone back to Sam’s car and chooses a new song for them to listen to.

The pair stay in comfortable silence as they listen to Emma’s music and crawl through the busy streets of the city.

-- -- --

Finally they make it to the DEO after picking up some food for everyone. Thank goodness Lena thought to order while they were stuck in traffic. Especially as they got food for Kara too. The waiter had given Lena a questioning look when they handed the box over to her. Lena responded by tilting her head slightly and giving one of her cold CEO stares. Only when she placed the box in the boot of Sam’s car did she realise she could have just smiled at them. Sometimes old habits are hard to break.

“Here let me take the food and you hold the flowers.” Sam quickly takes a hold of the box and Lena closes the trunk. The pair quickly make their way inside.

“Good evening.” Agent Vasquez nods at them in greeting.

“Evening Agent.” Sam smiles at her. “Oh could you do me a favour?”

“Depending what it is ma’am.” Agent Vasquez places her hands behind her back, standing at ease.

Sam places the box on the floor and takes out a few bags of food. Leaving most still left in the box. “Could you please give this food to our friends in the main cell downstairs?”

Agent Vasquez tilts her head forward and squats down to pick the box up. “Of course ma’am.”

“Thank you.” Lena responds with a small smile and heads towards the elevator. The pair first go to the labs and Sam hands over Eliza, J’onn, Winn, Brainy and Nia’s order.

Soon the pair make it to Emma’s floor and the anticipation builds within Lena at the thought of seeing her girlfriend. She knocks on the door and softly opens it, knowing Emma can’t call out to give them permission to enter.

“Hi!” Lucy greets the pair as they enter and Sam responds but the raven haired beauty focuses on her girlfriend. A smile spreads across her face seeing how engrossed Emma is in her painting. Noticing the cute way she sticks the tip of her tongue out.

Lena places the flowers on the coffee table and slowly approaches the blonde beauty. The noise of her heels filling the room. But still Emma doesn’t look up. Lena gazes down at what Emma is painting. She takes a quick intake of breath at what she sees. Amazed by the detail within it.

It seems to be from Emma’s point of view, showing Alex and Kara sitting on Emma’s bed. The pair are laughing and smiling brightly up at her with their hands joined together with Emma’s. Tears are within both of their eyes and Lena can tell the sisters were sharing a special moment together.

Lena resists the urge to kiss Emma’s head and instead heads back to the sofa.

“She’s been doing that for hours.” Lucy follows Lena over to the sofas and sniffs the air, smelling the food within the bags. Her stomach loudly rumbles making the trio laugh.

They look over at the blonde whose tongue is still poking out as she paints.

“Nothing can break her focus.” Lucy laughs and sits next to Sam.

“Oh no, I’m sure there's something or, someone, that could.” Sam raises an eyebrow at Lena and a slight blush colours her cheeks, remembering how Sam had found the lovers in the morning.

“How has she been?” Lena asks as she pulls out her meal and starts eating.

“Alright, I guess.” Lucy glances sadly over at her friend.

A hint of a frown appears on Lena’s forehead. “Sam mentioned you have a plan to move forward?”

Lucy nods and dives into detail of the plans she had told Emma earlier in the day. About creating video and images to release to the media at specific times in the upcoming months. How Emma will have to stay out of the public eye.

“I was also thinking…” Lena pauses and quickly glances over at Emma, who was still completely submerged in her task. Lena turns back to Lucy who studies her closely. The CEO leans in and Lucy copies her. “About asking Emma to move in with me.” The raven haired beauty says quietly. Not wanting her girlfriend to overhear.

A wide smile breaks across Lucy’s face and she nods. “I think that will work perfectly. I noticed how worried Emma got when I mentioned she could leave here soon.”

Lena lets out a breath, relieved that Lucy agrees.

The brunette keeps smiling at the news, hoping this will help Emma’s recovery. “Oh and Winn mentioned about developing a face modifier which Emma will have to wear when she’s out in public. He’s going to discuss it with you and see what can be done.”

Immediately Lena’s eyes light up with interest and Sam smiles at her expression of wonder. Almost expecting Lena to jump up and stride from the room to find Winn in the lab.

But the trio continue chatting and eating until they hear Emma place her brush into the cup of water. Lena looks over at the blonde and beams when their eyes connect.

Lena places her empty food container on the coffee table and picks up the bouquet of flowers. She hides them behind her back when she stands and approaches her girlfriend, her nerves prickle near the surface.

‘What if Emma says no? What if she doesn’t love me?’

Pushing her thoughts away Lena sits on the bed next to Emma and presents the flowers to the blonde. She smiles at how wide Emma’s eyes go, how she instantly reaches out to feel the softness of the rose and studies the detail of the flowers.

Instead of asking Emma then and there Lena chickens out and starts reciting the different meanings of the flowers. Only getting distracted for a moment as Emma keeps lovingly kissing her cheek, but Lena stops the blonde, determined to tell her girlfriend the meaning of every flower. Totally not because she was scared to ask her question… Nope.

‘Luthors don’t get scared.’ Lena will always try and reassure herself in times like this.

But finally the pair kiss, only to be interrupted by Lucy pretending to heave.

Lena laughs when Emma flips the other brunette off and focuses back on the blonde. Her green eyes study her love’s face.

“So, how’s your head?” Lena asks as she runs her fingers gently through Emma’s hair and watches the blonde lift her hands to sign.

“I’ve had no complaints.”

Immediately Lena lifts her head back and laughs loudly causing the others in the room to question her. The raven haired beauty repeats the joke and the other pair laugh along.

Lena feels Emma snuggle into her side and the raven haired beauty wraps an arm around her.

“We’ve brought you some food love.” Lena says gently and kisses the top of Emma’s head. “Are you hungry?”

She feels Emma nod and goes to get up to get the container but Emma becomes a koala bear and holds on to her with a vice-like grip.

“Ow, Em, not so tight!” Lena laughs out but Emma instantly lets go, trying to move away from the CEO. But she can’t due to Lena’s own hold on her. “Hey, it’s okay. I know you just love me so much.” The raven haired beauty smiles reassuringly and gently boops Emma’s nose. Making the blonde adorably scrunch her face up.

“Here you go Em.” Sam places Emma’s food on the tray table. Emma gives her a look of gratitude. “Shall I move the picture so you don’t get anything on it?”

Emma nods as she opens the lid and shoves a huge cunk into her mouth. Hesitantly wrapping an arm around her girlfriend, making sure she doesn’t squeeze her too hard this time.

Sam clears the table of the painting supplies and her eyes widen as she stares at the painting while placing it on top of a chest of drawers.

“Wow Em. This is so good.”

“Let me see!” Lucy rushes over and gapes at it. “Awww I love it!”

Emma buries her head into Lena’s shoulder, feeling embarrassed from the praise. The raven haired beauty grins and kisses Emma’s head.

A knock makes the women look over at the door and Emma peeking slightly over Lena’s shoulder to see who it is.

The door opens and J’onn enters with Eliza following behind him. “Lucy, we are ready to go down to the cells.”

Emma sits up at J’onn’s words and stares at Lucy, desperately wanting to go with her. She turns to her girlfriend and signs.

“What’s going on?”

Lena repeats the question and Lucy approaches Emma’s bed, knowing she needs to be completely honest with the blonde.

“We aren’t making any progress with who took your sisters. Whoever they are they covered their tracks well.” Lucy rubs her shoulder as she looks apologetically at the pair on the bed. “We have the go ahead from your sister's therapists that we can ask them more questions. Especially as the R.K levels are almost depleted.”

Emma sits up even straighter at this new piece of information, looking more alert then before and grabbing Lena’s hand, who squeezes it three times.

“Can I come with you?” Sam asks confidently, ready for the looks of confusion the superfriends give her. “Well, with my time as Reign, I understand what it’s like having blackouts and waking up realising something, that is out of your control, has happened.”

J’onn and Lucy share a look and the brunette nods. “Very well.” J’onn agrees and gets ready to head down to the cells.

Emma fidgets and Lucy’s eyes are drawn to her. She wants to cry at the hope etched onto Emma’s face.

“I will ask them if they are ready to see you. But please prepare yourself that they still may not be ready.” Lucy begs as if reading Emma's mind. The blonde slowly nods and her shoulder sag.

“It will be okay sweetheart.” Eliza tries to reassure her baby girl. “They are making progress, these things just take time.”

Emma nods and motions to the painting. “Can someone give this to them? Would that be okay?” Lena speaks out what Emma signs and Sam carefully picks up the painting.

The blonde smiles at her, placing her hand to her lips, moving it forward and down, thanking Sam. Almost like she’s blowing Sam a kiss.

“You’re welcome Emma.” Sam returns the smile and heads towards the door.

Emma shifts so she can look at her girlfriend. “Will you go see them?”

Lena blinks in surprise at Emma’s request. “Are you sure?”

Emma nods. “Kara needs her best friend. Plus mom can keep me company.”

Lena stares into fading bloodshot eyes for a moment. “Alright. Can I have a kiss?” The raven haired beauty smiles shyly at her girlfriend and Emma tilts her head forward, connecting their lips.

“You guys are just too much.” Lucy mutters and Sam pushes her shoulder while shaking her head at the other brunette.

The pair were adorably, but also sickeningly cute.

Lena regretfully moves away from Emma and gracefully slides off the bed. But she can’t move away as the blonde as she won’t let go of her hand.

Lena turns to her girlfriend and smiles sweetly at her, also raising an eyebrow. “Em-ma.”

Slowly Emma lets go of Lena's hand and the raven haired beauty follows the others out of the room. She turns back at the doorway. Emma lifts her hand and does a sad little wave which Lena copies.

“Come on lovebird.” Sam gently grabs Lena’s arm and pulls her away from the door. When they near the elevator Sam wraps an arm around her friend and leans into her ear. “Chicken.” The brunette whispers and laughs at the look of outrage on Lena’s face.

“Hey! I-er-it just-I-” Lena stops and huffs as the superfriends turn to look at her in shock. Rarely, if ever, hearing the badass CEO stutter. The elevator doors open and the group step inside and wait while the elevator descends.

Lucy massages her shoulders and huffs, catching Winn’s attention.

“Lucy? You okay?” Winn asks in concern.

“No, my back and shoulders are killing me.” Lucy moans while flexing and stretching her back, trying to relieve the pain there.

“What did you do?” Sam asks with a frown.

“Nothing.” Lucy says bewildered but pauses as she thinks through her day. “Well, I did jump onto Emma to stop her going down to the cells. Maybe I just pulled something.”

Sam's face morphs into one of deep thought as she contemplates Lucy’s words. Her eyes find Lena’s who tilts her head as she tries to figure out what Sam is thinking.

The doors open and the superfriends make their way to the cell holding Alex and Kara.

Lena can’t help but feel apprehensive and a bit guilty at the sight of Kara and Alex. She hasn’t properly spoken to the sisters since their imprisonment. Her main focus has solely been on Emma.

She hangs back as the others enter the room and make their way over to the cell. Nia and Brainy are already in front of the sisters as Brainy works through his data and Nia is sitting on the floor having had her meal with Kara and Alex.

“Guys!” Kara jumps to her feet and smiles brightly at the group. “It’s so good to see you all!” Her eyes meet each of the superfriends and widen for a moment when they connect with her best friend.

“Any news?” Alex says standing next to her sister and places her hands on her hips. Immediately morphing into Director Danvers.

“Still no leads.” J’onn says quietly and Alex clenches her jaw while Kara crosses her arms.

“We’ve swept the area and any samples we take comes up with nothing.” Winn holds up his tablet to the sisters to show them his data.

Lena can’t imagine how the pair must be feeling. Obviously as frustrated, if not more, then Lena, to know their attackers are walking free out in the world which makes Lena’s blood boil.

“Do you remember anything new?” Lucy asks and Brainy pulls up some photos of other locations. “Or do these pictures mean anything?”

Brainy holds out his tablet to show the pair. They study them intently.

“No.” Alex huffs heavily and Kara shakes her head, avoiding everyone's eyes as she wills herself to remember anything that would help. “It’s still too fuzzy.”

“One minute we were with Emma and I flew off with Alex and then next we are on the way to her apartment to-” Kara motions her hand, not wanting to finish the sentence.

“I just remember darkness and feeling cold, pain. The sound of running water and a hum.” Alex says hauntingly.

“I know how overwhelming all this can be.” Sam draws the sisters attention to her. She fiddles with the edge of Emma’s painting. Wanting desperately to say the right words. “When I would wake up after Reign took over, it was the most terrifying feeling. To have these fuzzy memories but not being able to focus on them. I just wanted you both to know you aren’t alone in this.” Sam says passionately and Kara takes it in, nodding her thanks and taking a deep breath.

Alex continues looking over the data, trying to make her brain remember something useful. Anything.

“Yes, we will figure this out. Don’t lose hope.” J’onn looks between them.

The sisters nod.

“How-” Kara pauses, biting her lip. “How is she? Emma.”

“She’s desperate to see you both.” Lena says softly, making the sisters tense simultaneously.

“Yea, I had to jump on her back to stop her coming down here earlier.” Lucy jokes lightly but subconsciously rubs her shoulder and Alex frowns at the brunette.

“She painted something for you.” Sam quickly interrupts when she sees the redhead opening her mouth to ask a question. Sam holds the painting in front of her and turns it so the sisters can see.

Immediately both their eyes mist over and Kara’s lips disappear as she tries to stop herself from crying out and Alex digs her nails into her palms.

“She knows you both aren’t ready to see her.” Lena says gently, seeing their distress. “But Emma wanted you to know how much she loves you. That nothing can or will ever change that.”

Alex shakes her head at Lena’s words. ‘How can Emma be so forgiving?’

“Because you are her sisters.” J’onn responds. He didn’t mean to hear Alex’s thoughts, at the moment they are just so loud, as if she is screaming them at him.

“We’ll think about it.” Kara says and looks at her sister who does a slight nod in agreement. Despite the many hours together they haven’t spoken about the attack. Instead they are pushing their pain away and hiding it, pretending it doesn’t exist.

“That’s all we ask.” J’onn reassures them.

“What’s the news on her voice?” Alex says while crossing her arms and Lucy steps closer to the sisters.

“Well, I had a chat with Doctor Sloan and he feels ready to operate soon. Maybe in the next month or so.” She says while looking at both Kara and Alex. Lena squints her eyes slightly at the news, trying to remember if Emma had communicated this with her.

“That’s good, right?” Kara asks desperately and lowers her arms.

“It is.” Lucy smiles. But she is holding back key information that there is a chance that the surgery won’t be successful the first time. Feeling that it could dash the little hope the sisters are holding onto. Even Alex looks a bit lighter from the news.

“Please tell Emma we love her too.” Alex responds softly and focuses on Lena. “Give her a hug from me.”

“And me.” Kara adds quickly, smiling cautiously at her best friend.

“Of course!” Lena nods while taking a nervous step closer as she fiddles with her hands. “I actually wanted your opinion on something.”

-- -- --

Emma quietly strums her guitar while her mom reads in the chair next to her. The blonde pauses to write down the notes and chords, finding it slightly frustrating she can’t sing them out. But she continues on and tries to match the pitch with what she is singing in her head.

The door opening makes Emma whip her head around. She smiles at Lena as she closes it behind her and comes over to her. Emma shuffles across the bed, allowing Lena to sit next to her and the blonde carefully places her guitar on the stand by the bed.

“Hi love.” Lena kisses Emma’s lips as her girlfriend turns back around. The raven haired beauty smiles at Eliza, who watches them over her book. “J’onn is asking if you can meet him in the lab?”

“Thank you Lena.” Eliza closes her book, stands and kisses Emma’s forehead and surprises Lena when she does the same to her.

Emma smiles at her shocked girlfriend and gently strokes her cheek. Waiting for her mom to leave the room before kissing Lena again. Before things get heated Emma pulls back and signs. “How are they?”

“Well, they send their love and promise to think about seeing you soon.” Lena watches as Emma’s eyes grow sad. “I’m sorry.”

Emma nods, lowering her head and runs her thumb over Lena’s hand.

The raven haired beauty goes to open her mouth but finds the words she wants to say get stuck in her throat. Emma immediately notices and looks up at her girlfriend. Tilting her head questioningly.

“I- erm…” Lena lets out a small laugh. “This is ridiculous. The famous Lena Luthor stumbling on her words.”

Emma smiles slightly and squeezes Lena’s hand three times.

“I love you too.” Lena leans in and presses her forehead against Emma’s. She takes a deep breath and pulls away again so she can see her girlfriend properly.

“So, I’ve been thinking and I was wondering, when you are discharged…”

Lena fidgets and momentarily looks away.

“That… Whether you would like to, I mean you can say no, no pressure, but if you would like to come and…”

Emma squeezes her girlfriend’s hand, making Lena lift her eyes and gaze at her.

“Live with me?” Lena’s voice goes higher in pitch as she asks the question. Her nerves and Irish twang coming through.

Emma’s mouth drops open and her eyes fill with tears before smiling so brightly Lena thinks it outshines the sun.

“Is that a yes?” Lena asks tenderly.

Emma responds by vigorously nodding before leaping onto Lena’s lap and kissing her. Making Lena smile happily into the kiss as she wraps her arms around her girlfriend.

(Part Twenty Two)

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angelicjadamv · 4 years ago

Text

The story so far

One month after graduating high school in 2015 I was finally able to move away from my family. I was 18 and moved to California for college. Fortunately one of the scholarships I earned was accompanied by a summer program that started in the middle of the summer before fall semester. Shortly after settling in a safe, stable environment for the first time in my life I started to get better. A lot better at first. Then life happened, as it does, and 18 years of repressed trauma and abuse broke me. My nervous breakdown ruined my fall semester, I couldn't go to classes or take exams or function as a student anymore. Until this point, being an exceptional student was all I had and basically how I survived. My safe and stable environment now was dependant on maintaining a certain GPA, among other requirements I could no longer meet. I failed one of my main courses because I had a 0 on 2 exams, including the final. When I went home I was put on antipsychotics. Returning to campus for the 2016 spring semester, I attempted to seek more therapy. I wasn't successful in finding a good therapist (for me, therapy is a personal thing. Just because someone isn't a good therapist for me doesn't necessarily mean they are a bad therapist). I did continue to see my 2 psychiatrists (emergency and regular) often as they attempted to adjust my medication to find something that work. My agoraphobia worsened, I stopped sleeping, I could barely eat, I was manic one moment and dissociative the next, SH and suicidal ideation worsened. I was a burden to my friends and loved ones. I made it through this because I had a beautiful support system that I will forever be grateful for, but I ended up taking a leave of absence academically for my second semester, earning no credits and putting my scholarships at further jeopardy. I was allowed to stay on campus because it was clear I was dangerously unstable with no safe environment to return to and because I had incredible advocates looking out for me. I had realized that I wasn't going to get better in time to salvage my academic career and my life, and was mostly clueless as to how I would survive. I had had an internship in my field since I started college, but I earned basically no money. STEM internships aren't really made to be livable for undergrads, so I had mostly been working for experience in a field I would no longer be able to progress in. Bummer. My physical health had taken a huge dive for all of 2016. I basically always knew I was chronically ill, but I had been abused and gaslit my entire life to believe and act like I was fine, I was just a weak baby, I didn't know what real pain or suffering was, seizures were to be ignored, no I didn't have migraines or pinched nerves (um hello SCOLIOSIS), etc etc. And 2016 was the year my body finally started to break, so I knew "regular" jobs weren't going to be a viable option for me, at least not for long.

And thus I became a survival SW. I stayed in college for a final semester, because I didn't want to miss my friends, I loved my campus and didn't know where else to live, I still needed a lot of campus resources. I also kept my internship as long as I could, because I knew I would miss it for the rest of my life. I didn't really go to classes, again, because as much as a desperately wanted to and as much as my advisors moved heaven and earth to try to make it work for me, I couldn't handle it. I was finally able to find 2 great therapists who I started seeing regularly who actually knew how to diagnose and treat me, one at school and one outside. This is also when I met Daddy (Jace) online. After talking for what is probably a stupidly short time, we fell in love and started dating. This is honestly my first real relationship and time actually catching genuine feelings for someone, something that I hadn't thought I was capable of. Despite being happier than I had ever been in so many ways, my mental and physical health was still steadily declining. My migraines and pain were getting worse, I hadn't been able to eat normally in months and relied entirely on medication to eat or sleep at all. Many people recommended mmj at this point in my life, but I was afraid of how it would interact with my other meds. I only smoked occasionally at parties at this point (because no way was I spending my super duper limited money on weed). I wonder if medicating with something that actually worked well for me, like weed, would have allowed me to finish college. Oh well I guess. Because of my inability to attend classes, I had to take another leave for the fall semester 2016. I worked at a strip club briefly, but my health couldn't handle it for long.

I didn't want to go home for the first winter break in 2015, but campus closed and I had nowhere else to go. It was turbulent. When summer 2016 came, I still didn't go home despite having no place to stay. Until a month or so later, it was revealed to me a relative had terminal cancer. I had to go home again. It was worse than turbulent. When winter 2016 came, my relative was in much worse condition. They only had a few months left, and this was probably my last chance to say goodbye. This visit was by far the most traumatic, and more because of my parents than watching a loved one die. At least Jace was able to come meet me for the first time in person. He also got to meet my relative before they passed 🖤

Freshly fucked up by family, I retuned to California at the beginning of 2017. I was mostly taking a break from SW because of my health and was working vanilla jobs as I could (so not much). I had a pretty decent job that I was really good at and had been promoted, but then my relative passed. I started losing consciousness again ( I had many seizures and fainting spells in my childhood and during high school) and had to quit my job. the funeral was in spring 2017, I flew to Jersey to be with Daddy for a few days and then he drove me several states over for the memorial. That was the last time I saw my family. I wanted to transition to online/content creating, but I had no tech knowledge or equipment (even my phone was a potato). In high school I wasn't allowed to have a smartphone, most social media other than what was heavily monitored (and still had 0 experience with platforms sw is popular on besides Tumblr I guess), I didn't really know much about cameras. Way too sheltered and broken to feel like I could start anything. I was now seeing my outside, or I guess regular and only, therapist twice a week and doing treatments that while working for me were insanely (literally) hard. I had been able to get an apartment with roommates at a super discount in return for taking care of their crazy dog, which was a win win for me (he was a good boi just crazy from a bad past and had the worst separation anxiety). The agreement was that I would live with them until the lease was up in September, and then we would reevaluate the situation. Then they both got promoted at their mega corporation jobs. And after their wedding found a really gorgeous apartment in a much fancier part of the city, and paid to break our lease early in June leaving me homeless. I had been fired from my last 2 jobs (probably for being disabled because California is at will employment but who knows I might have been fired from the nanny job because the husband wanted to fuck me). I had no money or anywhere to go. All of my friends were almost as broke as me, so while I had offers to couchsurf at a few of their places they had other roommates who would have been pissed and in a few months they would be going back to school anyways. Daddy and I had been trying to save up to move in together for months, but he was going to move to California. We didn't have any money for that, so instead he asked me to move in with him in New Jersey. Leaving meant I lost my health insurance and my therapist. It was supposed to be much more temporary and we were supposed to move back to California much sooner than we were able to. I try not to be mad at those roommates because being angry doesn't change anything, but it really sucked.

Moving in with Daddy meant we could start our blog! And I was super happy at first, the happiest I could ever remember. But the years had been too hard and my health started to get worse than ever before. Without treatment and so traumatized, my brain and body were constantly at war. I would wake with splitting migraines, throwing up, my chronic pain became completely unmanageable. I started to need weed all the time because it was the only thing that stopped my cyclical vomiting episodes and kept me out of the hospital. My antipsychotics and other meds had been high-key fucking me up (probably shouldn't have been on them in the first place, thank you doctor who also ignored my seizures even when I had one in front of you) and were almost impossible to come off of because the withdrawals. (Seriously, kicking xanax was easier for me than my antipsychotics.) I'm not anti medication or anything, I just know the ones I was on were not good for me anymore. I'd actually like to be on something again, I just need a doctor who actually understands PTSD and DID.

My health continued to be shit for most of 2018, with several ER visits for severe dehydration from vomiting for days on end. We started to make videos and do snapchat and online sessions to be able to make ends meet. Despite being in the worst situation and thus everything being a trizillion times harder, we really loved (and still love 😇) doing SW and creating content. Our fans and clients have been there in some of our darkest moments, just being lovely or pulling through for us when we needed it most. During 2018 and 2019 I became actively suicidal for the first time since I was 13. I struggled with self harm again. I have gotten worse than I ever thought possible. But I wouldn't have made it at all if it wasn't for SW, this community and our supporters.

At the beginning of 2020 we were finally able to move back to California. Obviously, the pandemic severely disrupted many of our plans, especially regarding my recovery. Despite things being delayed or shifted, we are in a much better place currently. I have what I need to get better and I can build a support system again. I will get better.

Talking about things is hard for me. Being open and honest is hard for me. For 18 years I was trained and abused to not be sad or show negative feelings, or talk about upsetting things, and it has been killing me slowly my entire life. I genuinely don't want pity or to make others feel bad, but I do want to give you the chance to get to know me. I don't always talk about things so much. But I'm trying to get better at it.

#angelicjada #oc #about jada

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sleepless-in-starbucks · 5 years ago

Text

Far Away but Not Apart

Ao3

Summary: Roman loved Logan with all of their heart, even if they had only ever seen him through a computer screen. Content: Nb!Roman, don’t think there’s anything else really Pairing: Romantic logince Notes: This is the amos prize minific for @averykedavra who requested long-distance logince. I’m not certain I stuck properly to the prompt, but I do hope you like it, Avery!

“-I’m just saying, there is no crueler mistress than the one that would place soulmates such as ourselves so far apart!”

Logan sighed, rolling his eyes in a way that Roman was fully aware was amused, not annoyed. Though he had started the facetime sitting up and back in his fancy office chair, he was now leaning forwards, elbows on the desk, supporting his chin with one of his hands. “If fate were as cruel a mistress as you claim, Roman, then why would she allow us to meet each other at all?”

“To torture us!” Roman replied dramatically, grinning when Logan chuckled. “It is only in knowing the other exists that we suffer! To be so close in heart but so far in distance-”

“A pity, yes, but one we will survive.” Logan said, scoffing when Roman pouted at him. “You will only make yourself feel worse about our situation the longer you dwell upon in it.”

“I have dwelled upon it every day since the one I met you, and suffered it every day since the one you allowed me to call you mine.”

“We’ve only been dating for four months, Roman.”

“And friends for two years!” Roman added on for him. “And never once during all of that time have I so much as held your hand! It is a crime, my beloved, a crime, a sin, a defiance against all that is good and pure!”

“You’re overexaggerating.”

Roman sighed and collapsed backwards on their bed, hand splayed over their forehead. “No, I’m suffering.”

Logan laughed, and Roman lifted their head just enough that they could see him as he did so, their faux pout dropping so that they could smile at their muse. People who didn’t really know Logan said he was cold, unfeeling, logical to a fault. That was because people who didn’t really know Logan had never seen him smile brighter than the sun and laugh prettier than any angel could.

Roman didn’t realize they had gotten lost in their thoughts of loving Logan until the object of their affections coughed and said, “You’re staring.”

“How could I not?” Roman replied without missing a beat. “You are beauty incarnate, my sweetness, figure carved from smoothest marble and face painted with finest hues. I cannot help but to stare.”

“You really are too much.” Logan told them, but his cheeks had flushed a dark red that let Roman know their words had had exactly the impact they had hoped for. “I was asking you what you were doing this weekend.”

“Losing myself within worlds far more interesting than ours for but the fact that they do not have you, my angelic love.”

“So… binging Netflix?”

“My way of describing it was better.”

Logan chuckled. “If you say so, dear.”

Roman smiled at the petname. They had always loved how it made them sound as if they were an old married couple (which Roman fully intended for them to be one day). “And what are you going to be doing over your break from work-aligned existence?”

“Not really a break, I’m afraid.” Logan said, prompting Roman’s smile to become a frown. “I’ve got a business meeting on Saturday, leaving Friday night.”

Roman’s frown deepened. “Does that mean virtual movie night is off?”

Logan nodded, now frowning himself. “I’m sorry to say, but yes. We’ll have to reschedule for another week.”

“Well that sucks.” Roman said, trying to keep the majority of their disappointment out of their voice. They knew it wasn’t anything that Logan could change, so they didn’t want to make him feel bad about it. “You better get me a souvenir though. To make it up to me.”

“If a ten dollar bobble-head will fill the hole in your life that is our Friday night virtual movie marathon, then I am glad to oblige.” Logan returned, briefly looking away from the camera to check a paper on his desk. “Your address is the same, yes?”

“Don’t know how I could’ve changed it without you knowing.”

“Just checking.” Logan said, marking something down before he turned back towards the camera. “Now, I hate to once more be the figurative bearer of bad news, but I must take my leave- I have a client call in a few minutes here.”

“Skip it.”

“I do have to keep my job, Ro.”

“Your new job can be loving me, twenty-four seven, benefits are spending all your time with me.”

“And how much does loving you pay?”

“Did you not hear about the benefits? They’re better than money!”

Logan just laughed fondly. “You are cute, I’ll give you that.’

“So you’ll take up my offer and your new job?”

“Sadly, to function in the real world, I need a cash-paying job.” Logan told them, smiling at Roman’s following pout. “But if it alleviates your pains, know that I already love you twenty-four seven.”

At that, Roman allowed their pout to morph into a smile. “Well, look at who’s being cute now.”

“I’m simply stating the facts.” Logan replied, glancing at his watch. “One of which is, unfortunately, that I really must go now. I’m worried I’ll be too busy tomorrow to chat- I’ll call you on Saturday, alright?”

“Oh, my star, my sun, my only light through the darkness and troubles that are this world, however will I survive a whole day without any contact with you?”

“You are strong, my knight, I’m sure you’ll find a way.” Logan told them in return, grinning when Roman blushed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Roman responded, blowing Logan an imaginary kiss. Logan, as always, indulged them by ‘catching it’ before he turned his camera off, Roman’s screen going dark soon after. As soon as it darkened, Roman sighed, falling back against their bed and shutting their laptop as they did so.

It was going to be a long day and a half.

“Roman? Wh- Why are you calling?”

“Because I miss you!” Roman whined, not bothering with pretending to not be clingy. “Yesterday was long and dull and completely devoid of true joy and true love! I simply could not bear to wait til you called me! Oh, how I have missed you, my world, my stars, my universe-”

“It’s barely been a day, love.”

“Love!” Roman said, ignoring the majority of his sentence and latching onto the important part of it. “I haven’t heard you call me that in over a day! Possibly two! Hell, darling, I’ve been in absolute hell without you.”

Logan laughed at that, and Roman had never before so desperately wished they were on a facetime, just so they could see the absolute glory that would be Logan’s face while he was laughing. It didn’t matter how many times they had seen him laugh- it would never be enough. Before Roman could say something to that extent, however, their doorbell rang, grabbing their attention.

“Damnit.” They said, annoyed. Did they have packages coming today? They didn’t think so. And they really, really didn’t want to get up.

“What is it?”

“The doorbell- it’s fine, probably just a package or some door-to-door salesperson. Just annoying, interrupting the melodic sound of your laughter-”

“You should probably get that.”

Roman groaned and threw their head back. “But I don’t want to!”

“It could be someone important.” Logan told them. “Don’t worry, I’ll still be here when you get back.”

Roman groaned louder, but they still swung themself off their couch. “Fiiiine. But when it turns out to be nothing, I’m going to… I’m going to…”

“Yes?” Logan asked, in a much too smug way that suggested he knew perfectly well Roman had no way to end their threat.

“...I’ll think of something.” Roman said vaguely, ignoring Logan’s following chuckle of disbelief and amusement. Shaking their head, Roman moved the phone from their ear to the side of their neck, muffling the speaker as they opened the door. “Okay, listen, I’ve got some important stuff going on so-”

Roman cut themself off as soon as they saw who was standing on their porch. Because it wasn’t a salesperson or a dropped-off package- it was a man with a suitcase by his feet, a phone in his hand, and a face Roman would sooner die than forget.

“Surprise?” Logan said, and that was all he was able to get out before Roman had flung themself at him and wrapped them up in what Roman was sure was the biggest, tightest, most important hug they had ever given.

“You’re here!” Roman said after a minute of just basking in the magnificence of the moment. They still refused to let go of him, having dropped their phone so that they could hold on solely to Logan, keeping him as close to their chest as possible. “You’re really here!”

“Well I’m certainly not a hallucination or someone pretending to be your boyfriend.” Logan said, having managed to get his phone into his pocket before returning Roman’s hug. “So I should hope I’m really here, yes.”

“Yes- but- you’re here! I can see you! I can hug you! I AM hugging you!” Roman exclaimed, knowing they were getting repetitive at that point but not caring at all. They were currently hugging their boyfriend for the first time ever, after all- how could they care about anything else?

“That you are.” Logan agreed, voice still a professional neutral before he tightened his grasp on Roman and added, “So I am as well.”

Roman giggled, a mostly involuntary sound that was brought about the sheer joy of the moment. They pulled back from Logan, just a bit, just enough that they could see his face- his beautiful, lovely, gorgeous face, a face that was a million times prettier in real life. “Can I kiss you?”

“Mhmm- not on the lips. Weird texture.” Logan said, but he was still smiling, unbothered by Roman’s question.

Happily, Roman pressed a kiss to Logan’s forehead, grinning when they saw Logan’s smile grow. “I can work with that.” They said before moving to pepper the rest of Logan’s face with kisses.

“If I- if I knew you were going to be this persistent I- I would’ve stayed home.” Logan protested, having broken down himself and begun giggling in between Roman’s kisses, rendering his protests unbelievable.

“My most beloved, you are a horrible liar.” Roman told him, pressing an extra special kiss to his nose before saying suddenly, “Hey, wait- don’t you have a business meeting you’re supposed to be at?! You can’t be here!”

Logan laughed. “Roman, my prinx, this is the business meeting. I lied so I could surprise you.”

Both Roman’s eyes and smile widened as they dived back into scattering kisses across Logan’s entire face, only stopping when Logan pulled far away enough they could no longer reach his face.

“We are going to get absolutely nothing done if I allow you to kiss me all day.” Logan said, though at Roman’s pout he did lean forwards to kiss Roman’s forehead. “I did take Monday and Tuesday off, but I can’t be here forever, you know.”

“You say that as if it would be a waste of our time if I used it for little more than showering you in all the affection you deserve.” Roman returned, attempting to resume their attack of Logan’s face.

Logan pulled back once more, chuckling when Roman immediately began to sulk. “There will be plenty of time for that. But there is also time for other activities, such as one that might have been missed recently…?”

Roman blinked at Logan, frowning for a moment in confusion before their face lit up in a grin. “Oh! Movie night! We can have a real life movie night!

“Only if we don’t spend our entire weekend standing on your porch.” Logan pointed out. “So… may I come in?”

“Of course!” Roman said, finally (albeit regrettably) letting go of Logan so that he could grab his suitcase and come inside. The moment he was within and Roman had closed their door, however, Roman had their arms wrapped around Logan’s waist, smiling as Logan laughed and put a hand backwards so that he could hold Roman’s shoulder.

“You’re very touchy.” Logan commented, though he didn’t sound annoyed.

Roman just held him closer. “Two and a half years, my heart and soul and life! So long have I waited for this moment- you wouldn’t hold it against me that I wish to cherish it, would you?”

“It’s actually been two years, four months, and three days since our first interaction.” Logan corrected them before softening, leaning back and more into Roman’s hold. “But no, I won’t hold it against you.”

“Good.” Roman said, pressing a kiss to the top of Logan’s head. “Because I have no plans of letting you go anytime soon.”

Logan tilted his head back so that he could smile at Roman. “Well I should hope you don’t.” He responded, looking fondly at Roman. “Four days aren’t that much time. It would be a shame to waste even a second of them.”

Roman grinned. “Aw, you do like being cuddled!”

At the claim, Logan looked down, trying (and failing) to hide the blush Roman could still see blooming in his cheeks. “Maybe just a little bit.”

Grin widening, Roman shifted as quickly as possible, eliciting a small yelp from Logan as they lifted him up and held him against their chest. “Don’t worry Lo,” Roman began, using their new position to kiss Logan’s forehead, “Four days may not be a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but it is plenty of cuddle time.”

Roman expected Logan to protest that, to say that time was the same whether it was in the ‘grand scheme of things’ or in ‘cuddle time’ or any other definiment of time, but he didn’t- instead, Logan just let out a small sigh and rested his head against Roman’s shoulder. “We’re watching Big Hero Six first.”

“Of course!” Roman agreed enthusiastically, leaving Logan’s luggage behind on the floor as they walked over to their couch before adding (just because he could), “Anything for you, my love.”

Because Logan was right- four days wasn’t that much time.

But Roman had plans to make the most of every second.

#logince #ts logan #ts roman #nb!roman #ts sides #sanders sides #fanfic #fanfiction #the cryptid speaks #amos minific #i haven't written logince in forever #gosh i missed these bois #averykedavra

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babiemingoo · 5 years ago

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depth of field || xu minghao

[requested]: photographer!minghao opened up his studio and no one has book an appt yet but one day y/n does and changes his life

genre: fluff, photographer!au || wc: 1.4k

a/n: oops I got carried away... I hope you still like it anon!!

minghao always knew that he wanted something that was completely his own

when he was a kid and people used to ask what he wanted to be when he grew up, it was always something along the lines of “be a ceo” or “invent something” or “start my own business”

things that he can say he did that were completely his because he made it happen all by himself

so when he got older and it was time to put his money where his mouth was, he saved up all his extra cash from college and worked extra jobs until he could finally open up his own photography studio

it was small, and he’d have to work up to making it exactly what he wanted, but it was perfect because it was his

and then you were his first client

he was thankful when you contacted him just a week or so after he opened because you know, everyone wants their businesses to succeed

you were actually contacting him because your sibling was getting married and as a wedding gift you offered to pay for their wedding shoot

(he already had a good impression of you from that alone because?? what a good idea???)

you had explained that you followed his photography account for a while and loved how simplistic yet captivating he made things look, and your minimalistic sibling would just looooove for him to do their shoot

of course he said yes, and the day that the photo shoot rolled around probably should’ve been really special for your sibling and their fiance

but it ended up being special for you and minghao instead

you tagged along to the shoot because, well you were paying lol and you always admired the work that minghao posted online

but seeing him in his element was so much different, so much more special

when you first got there he had been with his assistant of sorts (his name was mingyu) and they were both extremely friendly and welcoming

but the second your sibling got into the appropriate clothes and the camera went into minghao’s hand, you saw the way he shifted

minghao became incredibly focused and artistic; he directed with such a passion that you could tell that he absolutely loved what he did and put his heart into his work

your sibling and their fiance opted for the classic “against a big window with long curtains” photo shoot which seemed simple enough, but the way that minghao had mingyu adjust the subjects and the curtains to control the light and shadows added depth that you didn’t realize there was to the naked eye

the shoot itself went on for probably an hour, but you were so immersed in watching minghao and his art that it seemed so much less

when he showed you previews of the shots he took on the viewfinder while the others got changed, your fascination couldn’t help but pour out

you asked him all about photography, things like how he can tell when something is too close or too far and how he determines which angle is the best to invoke a certain feeling

he answered you excitedly, half because he just loved to talk about photography and half because he thought you were cute since the moment you walked in and he had been searching for a reason to talk to you

soon the others returned and he finished wrapping up the shoot, letting them know that he’ll email them finalized versions of their pictures within the next 3 to 5 days

it was in the middle of paying the second half of the fee when you finally got the courage to ask, “so, do you do private lessons?”

he most certainly did do private lessons

at least now he did

that was how the two of you ended up exchanging numbers with promises of setting up a schedule for him to teach you all the ins and outs of his craft

to say you were excited was an understatement, nearly falling out of your bed the next night when you finally got the text from him asking when you were available

mingyu most definitely didn’t lay off the teasing every time he and minghao worked on a project together

“I knew you were going to find a way to keep talking to them, literally when they walked through the door I immediately knew they were your type”

“gyu i’m just teaching them how to shoot”

“sharing your passion with someone else? sounds like the beginning of a love story to me”

minghao didn’t like to share. everything he always wanted was his and his only

but whenever he saw your eyes light up after he taught you a new function on his camera, or whenever you praised him for revealing one of the small tips he had discovered, he couldn’t help but notice the way his heart fluttered

suddenly, all he wanted to do was share

it started with photography. every time you two met up and he watched you improve at your still life photos or saw you get excited over the way you captured a certain color he decided he loved doing this with you. he adored being able to look at different parts of the world through a lens with you

shortly after it became sharing his nights. you were originally going to pay him in money for his lessons, but one day minghao had said that he’d very much prefer if you paid him in dinner instead

(”requesting them to buy you food as a way to ask them on a date? really smooth minghao.” “shut up gyu”)

the nights slowly turned into afternoons, or mornings. whenever he was able to see you really, because after you spent 3 hours in a small diner debating over stupid topics and hearing your laugh on a loop, he began to think that maybe nights just weren’t enough

minghao started to realize that he loved to be around you, doing things like spending time at a cafe where he watched the sun set behind you. the soft yellows and oranges were casted around your figure in a way that made you look unworldly. you were oblivious, too caught up in the menu to notice the way that he swore under his breath once he realized his feelings

he took a picture of you that day. set it as his background so he could look at it whenever he wanted.

shortly after that he confessed to you, and you agreed to share a commitment with him. you two decided to become exclusive and put labels on your relationship and mingyu was wayyy too happy to yell “I TOLD YOU SO” at his best friend when the two of you told him

minghao wasn’t surprised when he ended up sharing his heart with you. he saw it coming a long time ago when he realized that he much rather be with you than without you

weeks turned into months and turned into years and minghao stopped wishing something was just his, or something that only he owned. a life that had previously been something that was just for him was suddenly threaded completely with you

in time you ended up moving in with him, working with him at the studio, and you both even adopted a cat together

it was a random day some years into your relationship when minghao really became aware of how much you had changed his life

he was always a person who imagined a future that was just his, filled with accomplishments that were just his own

but as he worked on editing a graduation shoot he had just a few days to finish, the thought that he would probably work better if he had you there popped into his head. whether you gave your opinion on his choice of contrast or if you were just there to be with him, he would much rather share that moment with you

he pieced together that he no longer wanted everything to be his

yours, he decided. ours, he thought to himself.

for once, minghao wanted to share. he wanted every aspect of his life to be part of yours and he wanted the two of you to venture on together

a few weeks later he proposed, in the small studio where he’ll always have an attachment because that’s where it all started

“I want to share my life with you; all of it. everything. the two of us, if you’ll let me”

minghao knew that wanted to share his entire life from here on out, as long as it was with you

#minghao #xu minghao #the8 #minghao scenarios #minghao fluff #the8 scenarios #the8 fluff #seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fic #seventeen imagines #seventeen x reader #kpop #kpop au #seventeen fluff #svt fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop fics

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gukyi · 5 years ago

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for you, anything (post-script) | ksj

summary: in the midst of all of the coworker chaos over your newfound relationship, you and seokjin make a deal.

{established relationship!au, friends to lovers!au, enemies to lovers!au}

pairing: kim seokjin x female reader genre: fluff word count: 2k warnings: bts being annoying coworkers a/n: shoutout to @aurawatercolor for being so wonderful and for commissioning this drabble’s monster predecessor: for you, anything!! thank you for being so patient with me and overall being a good friend of mine. much love!

Here

“Back off, he’s mine!” You shriek, furiously mashing your keyboard buttons as your eyes zero in on your computer screen. Maintaining as much of a grip onto your mouse and keyboard as possible, you push your office chair towards Seokjin’s in a desperate attempt to get him to lose his hold by crashing into him, bumper-car style. You hear the scratchy fabric collide, a soft thud that ricochets you forward, almost like you had crashed into a fuzzy rock.

Naturally peeved, you turn around to find your boyfriend completely unbothered, having moved barely an inch. And yeah, you weren’t great at Physics when you took it in high school, but you have a feeling that that’s not how Newton’s Third Law works.

Unfortunately for you, the split second you spend glaring at the back of Seokjin’s head means that he can go in for the killing blow, sword stabbing through the warrior king on the screen until he collapses in a pool of video game blood. The sound of a death cry and a cheer echos from your computer speakers, and you groan.

“Not again,” you say, exasperated. You toss your head back against the chair, eyes rolling upwards, just enough to make out Seokjin eyeing you, a smug expression written all over his face. “I told you I had him.”

“You just weren’t fast enough, I guess,” Seokjin says casually, bouncing out of his chair to gloat to you all up front and personal.

“You better share all of the money and rewards you got from that kill,” you demand, poking a finger against your cheek. Seokjin kisses you gladly, wrapping his arms over the chair and around you as he rocks your office chair side to side. The benefit of working together in Kingdom is that you always have backup you can trust (unlike some other MMO games, one of which rhymes with Meague of Megends), but Kingdom was designed for loot to be collected by whoever delivers the death blow, and not split evenly among all parties.

Lucky for you, your boyfriend happens to be both good at the game and willing to share all of his treasure.

“Ew, gross, PDA at three o’clock,” Jungkook says loudly, his whiny voice interrupting you and Seokjin’s lovers’ quarrel.

“Ugh, just because you guys can have a successful and empowering relationship doesn’t mean you have to rub it in all of our faces,” Taehyung adds with a huff. At least nobody’s singing playground nursery rhymes about the two of you anymore. Since when last did people actually sit in trees, anyway?

“Get a room,” Yoongi deadpans as per usual. His attitude has not changed even though the state of you and Seokjin’s relationship definitely has. You know you can always count on him to give it to you straight.

“Hey, no making out on office premises,” Namjoon says, barging into the room with his glasses tucked into the collar of his sweater, one of those pastel cream ones that dads who golf wear (though Namjoon is neither a dad nor plays golf). He’s switched to an iPad in recent weeks, which, despite being much more environmentally friendly, is still not Namjoon-friendly, and he often has to troubleshoot basic things like the functionality of the Notes app. Not to mention, his place of employment is filled with twerps who love doing things like spamming his camera roll and locking himself out of his own iPad. You think the record is three hours, but give the device to Hoseok and he’ll get it up to a couple of days with ease. “You guys agreed to that when you signed the employee handbook.”

“You always think so lowly of us, Joon,” Seokjin chides, and since he’s everybody’s best friend, he’s the only one who can get away with doing that. “We were just talking.”

“And playing Kingdom,” Yoongi pipes up, quickly switching away from his Haikyuu!!! tab.

“If there’s a rule against Kingdom in the employee handbook, you’d have to fire all of us,” you remind Namjoon pointedly. Not even Yoongi would be spared, even if he’s terrible at the game itself.

“But if you did, maybe Jungkook could finally live out his dream of being an E-sports gamer,” Taehyung adds, sending Jungkook into a tizzy.

Seokjin scoffs, “He’d have to knock me and Y/N out of first and second place first, though.”

“But please don’t fire us,” Taehyung pipes up weakly.

“Nobody’s getting fired. You guys just better be doing your work,” Namjoon says. “Hey, it says that my iPad is going to be updated later tonight, do I need to do anything about that?”

Everyone groans.

“Hey, what if we got married?” Seokjin nudges you with his shoulder.

You sputter out the water you had been drinking all over your desk. “Married?” It dawns on you that shouting out that word in an office filled with nosy coworkers may not be the brightest idea.

“You guys are getting married?” Taehyung shrieks excitedly. “Oh my God, I call being best man!”

“You don’t get to make that decision, idiot!” Jungkook shouts. “Besides, Seokjin would totally pick me over you anyway.”

“Who says?”

“Guys, we’re not getting married,” Seokjin says before the whole office breaks out into a brawl. Taehyung’s expression falls, sinking back into his chair, defeated. Yoongi had even quirked up for a moment before immediately turning back to his anime. “At least, in real life, we’re not.”

“Oh, you meant in-game?” You ask, the realization dawning on you. You notice everyone in the office eyeing you and Seokjin. Glaring at each and every person, you say, “He meant in-game, mind your own beeswax, you nosy freaks.”

“Obviously,” Seokjin says with a roll of his eyes. “I love you, Y/N, but seeing as how we started dating three months ago, I think that marriage is pushing it. But in Kingdom, yeah, why not? We’ll get a lot of buffs from being married.”

Seokjin’s got a point. Being married in Kingdom means that the two of you will share wealth, property, and have the option of combining special powers during battles. It also means that the game will split boss and player rewards evenly amongst the two of you without you having to do it manually. Besides, isn’t it only right for the top two players in the game to get married? Assert their dominance? Remind Jungkook that he’ll never be an E-sports gamer for Kingdom?

“Sounds like a plan,” you say, easily convinced. Besides, Seokjin could ask you to hand over all of your coins in the game, leaving you penniless, and you wouldn’t bat an eyelash. “We can do it later tonight.”

“My place? We can order takeout.”

“Only if we can get some cheesecake as well,” you say.

“Done.”

Seokjin plants another kiss onto your lips before returning to his own desk, your office chairs facing away from each other as you get back to work, the promise of a nice meal and some quality time together keeping you motivated.

Out of the blue, you say, “I would have said yes, you know.”

“To what?” Seokjin asks, not even turning around.

“To asking if we could get married,” you tell him. He rounds on you, eyes wide. “I would have said yes.”

Seokjin seems frozen in place before he caves, body relaxing as his entire face begins to glow, red and orange and pink. “Tell you what,” he says. “I’ll ask again later, and if your answer is still the same, then we can.”

“How much later?” You ask. You don’t like to be kept waiting. Especially since the both of you know that your answer almost definitely won’t falter.

Seokjin grins. “You’ll see.”

There

“I never liked fancy dresses,” you comment, pulling at the collar of the white dress lacing your features, hugging your body like a bedsheet. It’s scratchy and uncomfortable and restricting, making you feel like you can’t eat a single apple without popping open. There’s a veil with a train the size of the castle behind you, and the tiara on your head is so heavy and sharp that ti feels as though you’re about to topple. All this for a wedding?

“Good thing you’ll never have to wear one again after this, right?” Jin whispers back, the two of you facing the officiant before you as a crowd of onlookers watches the two of you.

“Is that a promise?” You ask. “We’re making a lot of promises today, aren’t we?”

“And I will keep every single one of them with honor,” Jin says dramatically. It almost makes you reach out to punch him in the shoulder, but you don’t for the sake of publicity, hands wrapped tightly around the bouquet, filled with roses and tulips and carnations. You can’t believe you’re saying this, but you think you prefer your knight’s garb. At least it comes with flat boots.

You even tune out what the officiant is saying, an old, monotonous advisor who oversees all military weddings, waiting boredly until you are prompted to respond. Time usually goes by rather quickly in the Kingdom, whether you are strolling through the market or on the battlefield, but here, it feels as though it’s taking forever and a day. Discreetly, you turn to look at Jin, who notices your gaze and rolls his eyes, just to make you laugh. At least the both of you feel the same about this whole thing. You wish there were an easier way to do this, perhaps just going to a courthouse and signing some papers and making a vow or two. Does the entire kingdom have to watch?

“Do you promise to uphold these values, Jin?” The officiant asks.

“I do,” Jin says.

“Do you promise to uphold these values, Y/N?”

Relieved that it’s finally coming to an end, you nod. “I do.”

“Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss.”

Immediately, Jin turns to you, reaching an arm out to hold onto your waist as he pulls you towards him, your faces pressed up against each other, breaths hitting each others’ skin.

“I’ve been waiting all day to do this,” he whispers softly.

“Then don’t hold back,” you challenge.

In one fell swoop, Jin presses a kiss on your lips, soft and warm and gentle. It’s filled with more promises than the officiant could even dream of making, filled with more vows than any wedding ceremony could produce. What this is is more than a silly pledge, a matrimonial technicality. It is an oath. To protect each other. To care for each other. To love each other.

And you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that for the rest of time, until the sun collapses and the moon vanishes, that you will.

↳ links are broken, but don’t forget i’m still taking commissions!

#seokjin fluff #seokjin angst #jin fluff #jin angst #bts fluff #bts angst #seokjin scenario #jin scenario #bts scenario #jin fic #bts fic #bts au #seokjin imagine #jin imagine #bts imagine #w: for you anything

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ahgastae · 4 years ago

Text

worst chefs in seoul (outline) – kim seokjin x gn!reader

➥ word count: 3.9k | reality/cooking show au | crack | fluff

➥ m.list

➥ a/n: we’re back at it again with another wip i never finished lol. this one is the outline for what was intended to be a social media au (as evidenced by some of the notes i left for myself), though it’s likely that’s not how it actually would’ve come out. i’d love to hear some of your thoughts/reactions, and i hope you enjoy ♡

day ???

start w y/n and yoongi goofing off on twitter

the whole y/n eating a moldy grape thinking it’s a kiwi thing

and yoongi panicking bc of it

could transition into them talking about the finale episode of their favorite show: worst chefs in seoul

they’re both huge fans, and equally complete disasters when it comes to culinary skill

yoongi likes the show bc he likes the competition aspect and tbh he got addicted after y/n forced him to watch the first season w them

y/n also likes it for that reason, but the main reason they watch it is bc of a certain kim seokjin

anyway, they talk about the finale, and then yoongi says something about the next season’s ‘nominations’ coming up soon

y/n jokingly says they’re going to nominate yoongi bc of that one time he made tacos with dog food

and yoongi fires back w the time they managed to light the microwave on fire making cup o’ noodles

they agree to let each other live

…..for now

sike!

the two actually do end up nominating each other w/o the other knowing

y/n honestly just thought it would be funny if yoongi got picked and yoongi was like “fuck it why not”

little did they know…..

while the nomination guidelines assure that the selection process is completely random, this is a reality show

meaning for anyone w a brain that’s obviously not the case

contestants are actually chosen by the show’s assistant producers and approved by the chefs themselves and then the higher ups

but who are those assistant producers??

none other than park jimin and kim taehyung

neither of them keep their involvement with the show a secret, and one takes it a teensy bit more seriously than the other

anyway, they’re usually told to find a batch of contestants (that they feel) would conjure up the most drama for the show

it is tv, after all, and they have to keep people watching

and that part is crucial

to their credit, they do (somewhat) succeed for the most part

jimin selects yoongi and namjoon from the nomination pool bc he thinks joon’s clumsiness w yoongi’s nonchalant nature will work for max chaos

and taehyung chooses y/n and jungkook bc while their competitive drives are similar, y/n’s subdued nature has a big chance for conflict w jk’s out-there attitude

(how do they know all this? they’re experts at what they do leave me alone)

day ??? 2.0

y/n (and yoongi, secretly) is ecstatic when they get the emails/DM/whatever that they’ve been “chosen for the next hot season of worst chefs in seoul!”

but then yoongi asks if it’s allowed for them to know each other and accept the nomination

like they’re best friends. is that going to present some kinda problem that’ll get them both kicked off??

should only one of them accept it?

(he’s immediately ready to sacrifice his own nomination bc he knows how much y/n cares about this stupid show)

y/n says they’re not going to let him do that bc they were both chosen, meaning they both should get to go

but—

“it’s fine!! we can just pretend we don’t know each other when we’re on set!”

and so they’re off

to some undisclosed location in seoul

day 0

jimin and taehyung are the first to greet everyone, collecting all four contestants together for a tour of the dorms

and y/n starts texting yoongi in a panic bc both of their dumbasses forgot that the contestants are separated into teams as soon as they arrive

yoongi prolly says smth like i’m two feet away from you why are you texting me

(y/n reminds him they can’t make it seem like they know each other)

yoongi acts like it’s not that big of a deal

prolly says there’s a good chance they’ll end up on the same team

and if they don’t they can just hang out in the dorms when the cameras are off and away

which is when jimin loudly announces that this season, each team is getting their own dormitory

and that contestants will be required to stay in their dorm while filming the season, except for approved ‘outings’ for the show

he moves on before anyone can ask what that means

they’ll be allowed to pick whichever dorm they want to stay in for the first night, since they want to get the contestants’ reactions on camera when they reveal the teams

but after they’re revealed tomorrow, it’s your dorm and your dorm only

y/n and yoongi automatically gravitate towards each other

they end up together in the ‘new’ dorm, which yoongi grumpily notes is practically bigger than their whole apartment

y/n wonders if they ended up in seokjin’s dorm, and gets excited at the thought of this being a ‘test’ to see which chef’s team they’ll be on

to which yoongi asks what makes this dorm his?

“idk i just...feel his aura in here”

“.......okay, weirdo. i’m gonna go ‘feel his aura’ in the bathroom and take a—”

“yoongi!!”

y/n can either ask what yoongi thinks of the other contestants or they can both pretty much blow them off entirely for the time being

idk which yet

day 1

next morning, the contestants are woken up bright and early by none other than our favorite assistant producers

the wake up call comes in the form of a new group chat between the six of them

along with a link to ‘download’ the calendar for the shooting schedule

(which is really an app/virus that disables certain functions on their phones)

((such as most social media and texting numbers outside their ‘parameters’))

after that’s all hashed out, jm & t explain that this group chat is for any and all notifications and updates about the show, as well as any questions and/or concerns the contestants might have

“can i just vote to eliminate myself now and go home?” and

“how do i get this fucking thing off my phone” and

“when do we find out what team we’re on??”

the answers to which are

you’ll find out when filming is finished

and right now!

they tell the contestants to get up and get dressed as their first day on set officially starts now

y/n and kook immediately jump into action and leave the gc

joon lags behind a little confused but follows the flow

yoongi, ever the people person, gets aggressive when they don’t answer his questions about their goddamn malware

“is this even legal?? are you even fucking allowed to just disable our devices like this?”

“what if there’s an emergency??”

“looks like you’ll just have to find out, huh?”

yoongi’s phone then crashes and won’t let him unlock it until the first block of filming is finished

jm: “oops ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ”

day 1 recap

we find out through our superfan what happens during the first episode

(maybe do something like this person is some kinda press/‘news’ account dedicated entirely to w.c.i.s. and the two chefs)

((mayhaps they leak the contestant list before it goes public??))

((jimin and tae could have some kinda unspoken rivalry w them lol))

anyway the story is told through them in a series of twitter threads

(plus a few messages from y/n to yoongi freaking out about the teams they get put on)

first event of the day is: the team announcements

yoongi and joon end up on team kim seokjin and y/n is on team jyp w kook

being split up puts a bit of a damper on their plans, and with this stupid cell block they don’t know if they’ll even be allowed to talk to each other

none of them get much time to react, though, as they’re then shuffled off to their respective kitchens

where they finally meet their respective chefs

and, lo and behold, y/n is goddamn terrified

jinyoung is even scarier in person than he is on tv

“don’t laugh at me yoongi!! this is the guy who made a girl sob on live television!”

“and now ur gonna be the next person what’s the problem lmao”

while y/n tries to get past their fear, they’re given their first official task: work together with their new partner to create a meal of their choice

the catch is that they aren’t allowed any help from their chef yet

and since the teams were just announced literally like 10 minutes ago, none of them have had much of a chance to get to know each other

(the network knows this, and does this on purpose since most of the seasons’ first episodes are spent either arguing or being completely lost)

things go about as well (read: badly) as expected

y/n and kook soon discover their very conflicting personalities and spend the majority of the round bickering back and forth about what to make/how to do it

meanwhile yoongi slaps a piece of sliced cheese directly on the stove while joon runs around like a chicken w its head cut off

in the end, team jyp somehow manages to come out victorious

they cobble together some (semi) edible banana milkshakes to present to the judges

(‘together’ meaning y/n wanted to make plain vanilla milkshakes and kook switched it for banana milk when they weren’t looking)

yoongi and joon tried (keyword being tried) to make grilled cheese

but between yoongi’s cheese-to-stove method and joon dropping their two pieces of burnt toast right before the timer rang

they didn’t get many points

as their reward, team jyp has the honor of picking what they’ll be making tomorrow

they’re given the rest of the day to think and talk it over while team ksj is told to reflect on what went wrong in today’s trial

back at the dorms (now in their separate teams), y/n finds that yoongi finally graces them w a response

(and that they were right about which one was ‘seokjin’s’ dorm)

yoongi tells them about ‘that little shit’ locking him out of his phone and that he honestly just wants to get tf out of there contract or not

y/n convinces him to stay and stick it out, if not for them then for the prize money at the end

yoongi then asks what dish they’re going to pick for tomorrow, and asks if they can pick something he at least has an idea how to make

cue y/n saying that they were thinking of suggesting one of seokjin’s signature dishes but not knowing if kook would go along w the idea

“he kept trying to switch out our ingredients for banana milk and i don’t know how to tell him to knock that shit off”

“honestly you know i’m not one to take charge but he wasn’t even listening to me!! what’s to say he’s actually going to listen to the PROFESSIONAL chef here to help us??”

“aNd SPeAkINg oF THaT”

cue y/n whining about how they wanted to be on jin’s team and it’s not fair that they both got stuck w jinyoung AND a bratty kid on their team

yoongi sympathizes since he was looking forward to them being on the same team, but makes y/n agree that if he has to give the competition a chance then they have to give kook one too

“i mean yeah he seems like a bit of a dumbass but isn’t that why we’re all here? bc we have no fuckin clue what to do in the kitchen?”

hmm...fine they’ll give him a chance

but they still think he’s a lil shit and don’t really wanna talk to him at all, let alone reach some kinda compromise on what to make

they don’t get much or a choice, though, as they both receive a mysterious message from...jungkook? in another group chat?

the contestants find that they have all been manually added to another gc

except this one is missing the two assistant producers who love to breathe down their necks

everyone but jk is immediately suspicious

is this some of trick to get them to screw up?

to break some kinda hidden clause in the contract none of them actually read?

wasn’t that thing they downloaded supposed to block incoming messages like this?

“but wait, yoongi, then how were we able to…?”

but as of right now, they don’t get any answers

and they’re all too afraid to ask anyone but each other

“well we’re all here so...we might as well get to know each other right?? :D”

this is where we get our first in-depth look at the four people stuck on this show together, who in their lives nominated them and why

(y/n and yoongi’s lying skills are put to a bit of a test as they each rush to pull stories right out of their asses)

kook talks about bambam and says his nomination said smth about “adding banana milk to everything f*ckin thing he makes”

he doesn’t really get why that was enough to land him a spot on the show but he thought it would be pretty cool to be on tv and just went along with it

namjoon talks about hobi and emphasizes that he’s not that bad of a cook

he just gets nervous and confused when it comes to recipes and cooking which expresses itself in the form of his unabashed clumsiness

joon then asks if they’ll really be prevented from having any outside communication until filming is finished

he, like yoongi, questions the legality of deceitfully installing the block on their phones

y/n says there probably was some kind of hidden clause that allowed them to do that, as they “can’t imagine seokjin would take part in a competition that abuses its contestants”

to which joon replies that they don’t actually know seokjin so they can’t really ‘imagine’ anything about how he will or won’t act

right as yoongi is about to jump in and tell him to back off, jungkook decides that that’s way too much legal talk for him

he forces changes the subject back to the gc as a whole and says that even if they’re prevented from talking to their friends he’s happy they’ll “at least have each other :D”

y/n feels like part of that is directed at them and feels bad for how they thought he was ‘just a dumb kid’ before

namjoon, however, is still hesitant

he’s not sure if this chat could get them in trouble in regards to the show and their contract and what not and says that they all should probably delete it just to be safe

but that is unanimously vetoed by y/n and kook (and yoongi, reluctantly) and they decide that if the block allowed it to pass through then it must be allowed

before joon can argue anymore, they all receive a message from tae in the ‘official’ gc

he briefly explains the lights out policy of the dorms and tells them that they’re probably going to want a good night's sleep for their ‘big day’ tomorrow

yoongi then says smth like “well...guess that’s lights out then” and jk responds excited as ever w “night guys!! see you all in the morning! :)”

and y/n can feel their soul leaving their body for even thinking anything ill about him

day 2

contestants are woken up bright and early by alarms they didn’t set

(“oh great, so they just hijacked every app on our fucking phones then”

jimin tells them all to hurry up, get dressed, and meet the chauffeur outside bc they can’t afford to be late

(“literally! every second you waste is money docked from the network’s wallet! so get your asses in gear, guppies!”)

y/n and kook get outside first, but yoongi and joon are nowhere to be seen

y/n decides to text the q & a gc to get the dirt on seokjin

they kinda start sucking up to jimin and tae to see if they’ll reveal any info, particularly about what the chef is like and if it’s possible for him to talk to the ‘other’ team’s contestants

and while the producers are pleasantly surprised that one of the contestants actually want to use that gc for something other than yelling at them

they unfortunately can’t give much info besides what most people already know

and confirm that one of the chefs talking to the other’s students was probably not allowed, but that it’s also never really happened before so they’re not really sure lmao

(“taehyung!!” “what? was i not supposed to say that?”)

jimin cuts the conversation short there as yoongi and joon arrive and they all get on the shuttle for the set

taehyung does say one last thing tho

“good luck!! hopefully they don’t tear u up too bad!”

but first

our superfan gives us the downlow on the competition and how it works

after being split into teams, the contestants will rotate between ‘training’ w their chef and competing against each other in timed trial rounds

prizes can be won for both events, but the ones for the trial rounds are generally more competition based while the ones for the training rounds are more about luxury/quality of life while filming

each trial round win counts as a point towards the team’s score in the competition

only trial rounds affect this score

once a certain number of points has been reached (5), that team moves into the next phase of the competition

instead of working as a team, they are split up and now have to work against each other to win the favor of their chef

and in the finale, after one last big cookout competition, an individual winner is chosen and crowned a ‘former’ worst chef in seoul

once the contestants arrive on set, the chefs reiterate that today is just a training round

(they all let out a collective sigh of relief)

and it’s a good thing everyone woke up so early bc they’re just in time to learn how to make breakfast!!

“it’s not like we had much of a choice-oof.”

“anyway! team jyp, since you won the pretrial round yesterday, you get to decide what both teams will be learning how to make today. so, y/n, jungkook. think carefully. what do you want for breakfast?”

y/n is about to suggest seokjin’s signature strawberry and cream crepes when jungkook, who is still half asleep, blurts out “omelette”

(also i’ve decided that jackson is the host of the show now and i’m not changing my mind)

and it’s decided. they’re makin’ omelettes

(y/n is only a little bit peeved)

shuffled off to their separate kitchens, y/n is reminded of just how terrified they are of jinyoung

sure, they thought he was scary yesterday when they realized they were on his team, but now he has to actually teach them and they can’t help but think he’s going to make them into an idiot sandwich by the end of the day

as such, they try to keep half-asleep kook in between them and jinyoung at all costs, even if it meant running around the kitchen like a lost puppy

jinyoung, fully aware of how the show portrays him and how fans view him, notices this almost instantaneously

but he unfortunately doesn’t get to pull y/n aside to address it before jungkook starts digging through the fridge for banana milk and almost throws the entire carton of eggs on the floor

professional chef jyp mode: on

and they’re off

it’s a little difficult with y/n dancing around the kitchen anxiously and jungkook’s absolute aversion to being told what to do (as y/n predicted), but jinyoung manages to whip them into shape long enough to (barely) make a ham, cheese, and “green onion? wtf is that?” omelette

team seokjin, however, does not favor as well

yoongi apparently doesn’t know what tf a green onion is either and just throws in whatever green vegetable he can find while jin is struggling to keep namjoon from setting himself on fire

….and it turned out to be celery

that, plus joon somehow managing to burn the omelette to a crisp, costs them the training round

y/n and kook start to celebrate their victory and actually working as a team when jackson informs them that their ‘prize’ is they get to eat what they cooked while the other team gets whatever is left over on the catering table

“i hope you listened to your chef!”

“...jungkook, please tell me you used actual milk in this”

“um…”

back at the dorms, the contestants share their thoughts on their first day of training, as well as their first official day w their chefs

(also include y/n saying something about their banana milk omelettes actually not being half bad)

y/n immediately recalls how much they were terrified of jinyoung, almost cutting their finger off when he glanced over their shoulder when they were slicing the green onions

jk agrees, adding smth about how he didn’t think a scowl could ever be so intimidating

“it reminded me of my mom’s face when she found out i tried to pierce my own ears in the bathroom in middle school!! i was too afraid to push the needle all the way through and walked around with it in my ear all day until one of my teachers finally noticed and sent me to the office!”

...ok jungkook

during all of this, yoongi and joon are both like...wtf

“seokjin was literally nothing but nice to us. even when namjoon almost set his sleeve on fire lmao”

“hyung how did u manage that” “doesn’t matter”

jungkook thinks the difference in the chefs is hilarious, but y/n is only upsetti spaghetti

they go on a bit of a rant about how badly they wanted to be on jin’s team

saying something about how jinyoung is scary and mean and they’re almost positive he can sense their fear or something and probably use it against them while jin’s team would be so much better on the sole fact that they wouldn’t feel like he would turn them into an omelette for getting something wrong

cue jk being all babey asking “you...don’t wanna be on a team with me? :((“

and y/n immediately PANICS and tries to explain that NO, it’s not HIM but yoongi saves their ass by saying that seokjin is just their favorite and that’s all

jungkook feels better, but then namjoon is like “hol up. we all just met. how could you possibly know that?”

insert more y/n fumbling and jk confusion

yoongi (once again) covers w some bullshit story that he was able to just guess that based on what y/n’s said in the gc so far

joon wants to question it further, but jungkook informs them that the lights out call just came in before he can

another yoony/n sigh of relief

in private, y/n freaks out to yoongi for almost blowing their cover to the others

prompting a short conversation over whether they think they can trust them or not

y/n admits that they’re warming up to kook, but is a little suspicious if namjoon will keep their secret yet

convo ends with yoongi saying something like “well, the kid’s right about one thing. at least we know we have each other”

end.

#kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin x you #jin x reader #jin x you #bts jin x reader #jin #kim seokjin #bts jin #jin fic #seokjin fic #bts x reader #bts x you #bts crack #bts fluff #me releasing my old wips to try and make up for the fact that i haven't actually written or posted anything for months?#it's more likely than you think #my writing #on hiatus 🌙

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whereisten · 6 years ago

Text

Cat and Mouse

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | more coming soon

Summary: You’re the daughter of an extremely well-known pastor. You’ve lived a quiet and sheltered life, that is until you meet and fall in lust with a gang leader they call the Grim Reaper.

Pairing: Gang Leader And Yandere!Taeyong X female reader (college student)

Genre: angst, SMUT, violence, if you squint there may be some fluff

Warnings: graphic and violent scenes described, mentions of religious practices (this in no way is meant to offend followers of Christianity), blood and death mention, gun and knife mention, profanity, toxic relationship, little alcohol use, drug addiction themes, stalking, manipulation, corruption kink, innocence kink, female masturbation, pet names, recording of sexual act, porn mention, oral sex (male and female), public sex, unprotected sex.

Word Count: 15.8K

(A/n: warning: Yandere Taeyong is extremely manipulative, he guilt trips and gaslights OC multiple times to get what he wants. This in no way represents the cute and kind Taeyong we really know. This gang leader is actually terrible lmao. TO the anon that requested this, THANK YOU for being so patient!! not my best,but I hope you like it!)

————————

It was just another Thursday night at home. Your parents left earlier that evening to go on a cruise to the Bahamas to celebrate their anniversary so you had the entire house to yourself.

Your father was a famous and wealthy pastor with money to afford an incredible mansion and luxury cars. Most people didn’t understand how someone that preached about humility and giving back to the less fortunate could live in a twenty bedroom house with a twelve car garage.

There was a certain irony behind it that pissed people off.

Taeyong was one of them. Taeyong and his gang had been watching the pastor, plotting for a robbery. He hated everything about religion and the fact that a man, such as your father, was capitalizing off of the hearts of devoted Christians irritated him. He wanted to take everything away from the pastor that lived in his community because he felt like he was the real criminal. Furthermore, your father never told you or your mother, but some of his wealth did come from his involvement in gangs and the drug trading that occurred in the community. He would use the churchgoers money to purchase large amounts of cocaine from other countries, then sell it on the black market at triple times the street rate. This was sold to business men that had money to spend and just needed their fix, regardless of the cost. The means at which they got their drugs was safer than getting it off the streets anyway. Your father funded the dark web website that almost functioned like the Amazon for drug trades, order today, get it tomorrow with “prime” shipping. Taeyong didn’t like that someone with a good reputation like your father had controlled such a large business. But he also didn’t like that his men were the ones that organized the deals on the website with little reward. They put their lives on the line to get it to these men, avoiding the police at all costs, but your father was behind on paying his workers by five months. Taeyong threatened him several times, but the pastor blocked his phone number and email. What he didn’t know was that Taeyong has access to all of his emails and text messages anyway, so he knew that your father would be gone on a twelve day cruise to the Bahamas. Taeyong took this as the perfect opportunity to drop by his house and well, “borrow” a few things. He knew that the pastor had a daughter, but what he didn’t know was that you’d be home from college for summer break. So there you are, flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch when you stumble across the late-night adult channels. Your thumb hovered over the “up” button as you watched a woman have sex with a man on a fluffy bed. Your eyes widened at how graphic it was. The blonde lady’s was making strange faces while the man held her legs and pushed into her.

You were a sheltered child, you didn’t even have your first kiss, so this was strange to you.

You had been taught the typical Christian rules of not having sex until marriage, but you wondered what it was like. You bit your lips and felt a certain warmth in between your legs that you couldn’t explain as you watched the TV.

You went to a Christian college, but many of the girls there had already lost their virginity and would talk about how they had sex with their boyfriends and touched themselves.

You didn’t even know what the girls at school meant when they talked about vibrators driving them crazy since their boyfriend couldn’t get them off. How could someone use a device to have sex when they were supposed to be in love with whoever touches that area? You’d think to yourself. But you were getting older and curiosity was killing you. You wanted to know about it, you wanted to rebel and feel what most of your friends felt all the time. If everyone can do it and still go to Heaven, why couldn’t you? The scene ended and the next thing you saw was a naked brunette laying on the bed, her back against a tall man. He rubbed his hands along her private area and then dipped two fingers into her. Your jaw dropped and your head turned, this had all looked strange and weird. You were so focused on the TV in your living room that you didn’t hear the front door open, nor the shuffling of several people in the large house.

You had forgotten to activate the security system for the night, so the cameras weren’t on and neither were the alarms. You were so used to being home alone that you never thought there’d be someone in it with you

You didn’t hear or feel a presence behind the couch. Taeyong stopped in the living room while his gang searched through the house for jewelry and a safe. He watched you and your facial expressions as you watched porn for the first time. He knew that you had no experience at all from the look on your face. You licked your lips and told yourself that it was time. You put your hand in your Rilakkuma pajamas and pressed your finger tips on your folds, you tried to mimic the way in which his fingers dipped in, but it was difficult. There was a weird wall that stopped you and a sharp pain that shot through you when you pushed too hard. You whimpered and opened your legs a little more on the couch, shifting in your seat to get comfortable. There had to be a way, you thought to yourself. Taeyong looked watching you. You were so innocent and cute. He liked the idea that a pastors daughter was trying to pleasure herself on the family couch. He smirked to himself at first, but was turned on by the sight of your widening legs and your moving hand. You had finally found the right spot and started to circle your fingers while pushing them inside you. You closed your eyes and furrowed your brows while you started to breathe harder. The feeling of your insides growing wet was weird, but good. Taeyong watches your mouth open and your head fall back on the couch, your soft, high pitched moans sounded like music to his ears. He had completely forgotten about why he was there. His brain became foggy and he licked his lips which were covered by the skull masks they always wore during robberies. You were unlike any girl he’d seen before, you were soft, pure and beautiful. You wiped the sweat forming on your forehead as you got closer with your other hand.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall behind the couch, still drinking in the wet sounds you made with your fingers and the loud groans you made. It was then that he felt his heart grow an attachment to you. He knew that he wanted to ruin you, pollute you, show you all the things that a sheltered Christian girl never knew about. The fact that you were the daughter of the pastor he despises was the icing on the cake.

He was breathing heavily as he watched you get off on your fingers.

He had a habit of becoming obsessed with things until he got them and eventually grew tired of them, and he knew that you’d become one of these things. He wouldn’t stop until you were his. His phone buzzed, interrupting his thoughts. It was a text from Haechan. Haechan: found the safe in the bedroom on the third floor, need a code. Taeyong smirked to himself. His boys always found things fast. Out of all the bedrooms in this extravagant house and they found the one with the safe in it. Brilliant. But now they needed a code.

Taeyong hadn’t found anything about a code in his emails or text messages. He thought of all the possibilities and closed his eyes. What was the code? Your moans still flooded his brain as he tried to focus and think hard so they could get out of there.

“Oh my God!” You cried out and his eyes flickered open.

You. It was you. He walked around the couch and stood in front of you while your eyes were still closed. You felt a presence in front of you and your eyes opened. You took your hand out of your pants quickly and screamed. A man with dark red hair and a terrifying skull mask stood over you and tilted his head.

He wore a black long sleeve shirt with a harness around it and black cargo pants tucked into black boots. You breathed heavily and held your head while closing your legs and pushing your body up on the couch. “Take whatever you want! I won’t tell anyone!” The man only stared at you and watched your eyes tear up. “Please, I don’t know why you’re hear but if it’s for money, I don’t have any and I don’t know where my dad keeps it. Please just let me live!” You begged. The man finally took his mask off and held it in his hand. He was unbelievably handsome. He had an eyebrow slit and a hoop in the center of his bottom lip along with several piercings in his ears. You could see the end of a long tattoo on his neck that led up to a jawline that he could certainly cut you with. His eyes were dark and striking. He was overall perfection. You felt the heat in your cheeks rise when he smiled down at you. “I’m sorry for interrupting, sweetheart, but I need something from you.” The man’s voice was deep and shook your body. You shook your head. Why would he let you see his face? Surely, he was gonna kill you after you gave him what he wanted. “I-I don’t have anything!” He stepped closer to you and held out his hand. “Stand up and give me your hand.” You did as he demanded and gave him the dry hand. He shook his head. “The other one. The one you touched yourself with.” You furrowed your brows. “N-no, I wasn’t touching myself!” You panicked and turned to the TV. “I was just..flipping through and-and I just stopped on this channel but I was gonna change it before your stopped me!” Taeyong only smiled wider and took your hand that you tried to hide. He held it up and looked at it before looking back to you. You tried to pull it away but he was stronger. He took your index and middle finger and put it in his mouth while looking into your eyes. You found it hard to look away, your mouth dropped as you felt his tongue lick in between and around your fingers. He took your fingers out and rubbed the tips along his lips while closing his eyes. “Mmmm..you’re just as sweet as I imagined.” You pulled your hand away and looked at the strange man. “W-What the hell is wrong with you?” Taeyong only smiled. He was about to say something when a voice called out from the hallway. “Taeyong! I don’t have any leads on the safe code!” There was another man with him. Taeyong looked to the hallway and was distracted for a split second, so you pushed him away from you and ran towards the other end of the house. Taeyong was caught off guard, but chuckled lightly while you ran. Johnny walked up beside Taeyong. “Who the fuck is that? And where’s your mask?” “The bastard’s daughter. She wants to play a game of cat and mouse.” Taeyong smirked. “Do you want us to kill her?” Johnny asked. “No, she’s mine. Bring her to me unharmed.” The rest of his men ran after you after Taeyong said that. You tried to find somewhere to hide, the front door was too far away and the patio was on the other side.. You cursed this house for being so big for no reason. You ran up the stairs and heard multiple footsteps follow you. You breathed heavily, dashing into a bedroom and locking the door. You stepped away from the door and looked around for an exit. You couldn’t jump out the window, you’d break your legs. Hiding in the closet wouldn’t help. You heard the door handle being fiddled with. They found you. “Open the door! We’re not gonna hurt you!” A voice yelled out. You panted and looked around. You looked above you and saw the vent. You glanced back at the door when you heard the man trying to break it down by slamming his body into it. You quickly lifted yourself up on the dresser below the vent and jumped up. You had to tip toe to pull the door of the vent open, but once you did, you raised your arms above your head and tried to pull yourself up into it. Thank God for the upper body strength you had. You were halfway inside when the door finally broke down and the men entered. “Hey!” The man ran up to you and grabbed your dangling legs. “No!” You cried out and tried to pull yourself away, but the man was too strong. You fell down through the hole and into the man’s arms. He also wore a skull mask, but was much larger than the man in your living room. You looked around and saw three other men surrounding you. Two of which had a bats in their hands. You couldn’t escape. “Don’t kill me please!” You cried out again. The tall man threw you on to the bed. “I would’ve killed you a long time ago if I wanted to, sweetie. But the grim reaper wants you alive.” “The who?” You scurried and held yourself up with your elbows behind you. “What do you want?” You cried out. Then you saw the red haired man calmly walk through the crowd of men in front of you. It was him, he was the grim reaper. You could tell because of the way he commanded the room as he walked in calmly and quiet;y, but still looked deadly.

His feline-like eyes narrowed in on you, making you feel small. “Oh little mouse, where you going?” He sat at the edge of the bed. “Don’t be scared.” He tried to calm you down. “I’ll make you a deal..” he started while wiping away a tear that ran down your cheek. “If you tell me the code..I’ll let you live and I won’t tell anyone, not even your father, what sin you committed tonight.” You cried and sniffled. “I..promise..I don’t know it.” Taeyong smiled wickedly. “I know you don’t know it..but what’s your birthday?” You were hesitant to share that information because if that was the code, your family would lose everything in that safety these strange men, but you couldn’t let your parents know that you touched yourself and committed such a tragic crime in a Christian household, they’d be so disappointed. You swallowed hard. “April fifteenth.” Two of the men ran out of the room while Taeyong smiled. “Thank you.”

He turned to the other men. “Leave us.” Once they left, he turned back to you. You jumped when he touched your leg. He took out a switch blade and you saw the twinkling reflection of a sharp knife. He ran it along your neck while you breathed heavily.

You shivered at the feeling of the cold blade on your skin. “What were you really doing little mouse, don’t lie to me and you might just live.” You exhaled and closed your teary eyes.

“Yes, I was watching porn..I-I’ve never had sex, I haven’t even touched myself before tonight..I feel like a loser and I wanted to know what it’s like. Please don’t kill me.” You were surprised to hear so much come out of your mouth to a complete stranger. But he made you nervous. “I see.” he glanced down to your lips. “Well, it would be a shame to kill you before you can experience this.” Taeyong almost pities you, the innocent and sheltered girl, while he drags the knife down your sweaty arm. “I’ll let you know my secret..my name’s Taeyong and those are my men. Your father pissed us off so we’re coming to take what’s ours.” He looked into your eyes before continuing.

“When they ask you what happened, tell them that you don’t know, you were out for ice cream and when you returned home, you saw that someone had broken in.” His low voice made your eyes widen. “I’ll let you live, and for tonight, we’ll take the money and jewelry. But I’ll be back for you, little mouse.”

You opened your mouth to ask what he meant but he put a finger on your lips. “Don’t tell anyone or I’ll kill your mother first, sweetheart. Nod like a good girl if you understand.” You nodded quickly and watched as the strange man took his finger away and left the room. You laid there, terrified and shaking. You listened to the men yelling and laughing as the destroyed the house. You heard glass break and paintings being destroyed while you cried. You got up slowly when you heard the shuffling stop and walked downstairs. The place was a mess, they not only ravaged through your place, but broke everything. Your father never made anyone upset. He made everyone happy and at peace with his sermons. How could he upset these men? What did he do? You pulled out your phone and called him. “Hello? Dad?” You sniffled. “I-I just came home..and there’s been a robbery.” You felt bad for lying to your parents but you had to, who knows what Taeyong would do if he found out you told the truth. Part of you was terrified by him, but another part was interested for some reason.

Was it the way he looked at you through lustful eyes and the power he commanded over the room? Or the fact that he lived a completely different lifestyle from you and was the typical “bad boy?” ————— A few weeks later and things return to normal. Your dad didn’t lose too much, and you found it weird that he wasn’t more upset than he was. But he claimed that he was just glad that you weren’t home when the savages came. The robbery made headlines and thousands of church guests donated to the rebuilding of your house and life. In public, your parents cried and thanked everyone endlessly, but in private they were all giggles. Something didn’t feel right, and the whole thing made you look at them differently. “Can you believe that we ended up with more than we lost?” Your dad laughed one evening when the three of you had dinner. “Yeah, the community really is amazing when they work together to help people.” You mom took a bite of her caviar. “Shouldn’t we give it back then?” You interrupted. Your dad wiped his mouth. “Now, why would we do that? This is a gift from God, we must embrace it and yes, we will use our voices and our power as role models in the community to help others, but we need not put the money we’ve been given back out there. This is all for a greater cause, y/n.” You nodded and looked back at your salad. ————— The weeks following the robbery felt weird. You always felt like someone was watching you. Taeyong’s dark gaze was both alluring and terrifying and the fact that he had watched you touch yourself only made you more paranoid. You were embarrassed, yes, but he made you feel..sexy about it. It was a strange feeling and you didn’t understand why part of you liked it. Taeyong was watching you. He would watch you as you went to dinner with your parents or shopped in Target. He was always there. He couldn’t let you go, and he knew he needed more. Your purity and soft expressions contradicted everything about himself, that’s why he liked you. And to see you being curious about sexual feelings sent him overboard. You had everything he didn’t have, in terms of wealth and status, but he also had experiences you’d never dreamt of. He knew ways in which to shatter your perfect world and innocent nature. He’d sit on his motorcycle and watch you skip around in your cute plaid skirts, frilly knee highs and button up blouses and all he could think about was how badly he wanted to ruin you. You are simply being yourself and living a life free of worries and sin, and he wanted to change that. One day when you went to tennis practice, he decided to watch you play. He wanted to hurt the tennis coach when she hit you with a high speed tennis ball on your thigh. You cried out and dropped to the floor, but the coach only scolded you for being too slow.

It took everything in him to not pull his gun out. Nonetheless, you got up and tried harder.

He felt the heat in his chest rise as he watched your glistening and sweaty skin peak out from under your white tennis skirt and on the tops of your breasts in your sports bra.

You were breathing heavily, your mouth was swollen from you biting your lips while you played intensely, your eyes dark and low, and you drank so much water, some droplets escaped and dripped down your chin and neck. His impure thoughts drove him wild and he knew he had to talk to you again. And so, when you walked home after he practice, he cornered you. You smiled and thanked the barista at Starbucks for your drink before turning to head out the door.

The tennis court was only a few blocks away from your house so you decided to walk home while drinking an iced caramel macchiato, probably not the best choice for post-workout session, but it made you happy. You sucked your straw while looking at your phone, but when you left the Starbucks you heard a voice call out to you. “Do you think Serena drinks caramel macchiatos after practice?” The low voice said. You slowly turned to see who it was. Your eyes widened. It’s him, the red haired man that broke into your house now leaned against the wall and eyed you up and down. You suddenly felt naked in your tight tennis uniform. You nearly dropped your drink as you stepped back slowly. “W-What are you doing here?” “What? A gang leader can’t enjoy a drink from Starbucks?” He took a long sip of his iced coffee while watching you intensely. “Were you watching me?” “I told you I’d be back, little mouse.” He walked closer to you.

“Take a ride with me.” He tilted his head to a motorcycle that stood beside the sidewalk.

You looked at it, then back at him. He wore a red high collar shirt and black jeans ripped at the knees. A pair of round sunglasses on his face made him look cool and relaxed. It was incredibly hot outside but he still wore dark clothing and black boots. The worst part was that you felt an aching in your chest at the sight of his toned arms, tattoos and piercings. “I-I have to go home.” Taeyong raised his slit eyebrow and threw his empty cup away.

He smirked. “It wasn’t a question. Get on.” What could you do? The man surely would’ve killed you if you ran away. So you let him help you get on his motorcycle. Nervous but eager to see where he was taking you. You got on and held onto his small waist.

To your surprise, Taeyong took you to the summer fair. “The fair? Really?” You looked up at the big sign above you as you two walked in. Taeyong didn’t pay, he only brushed past the guards and ticketing workers as he nodded at them. “What are we doing here? And how did you get us in for free?” You asked all the important questions but Taeyong only smirked and chuckled. “So many questions..” He took your hand in his and took you to the first rollercoaster he saw. “I’ve been meaning to visit this place, but never had someone to go with.” Taeyong watched your face as you looked on the intimidating rollercoaster. He saw your worried eyes and slightly parted lips, the way your hands gripped the metal barricade in front of you as you waited to be called on. “Are you nervous?” He asked, his tone a bit softer. You turned to him and looked into his concerned eyes. “Why do you care? It’s not like I can back out without you killing me.” Taeyong’s smile dropped and he put a hand on your shoulder.

“Oh, little mouse, you don’t need to be worried about that, I’d never kill you..” He stepped closer and your breathing stopped as he looked down on you with those sharp, magnetic eyes.

“But I will make you suffer endlessly...by forcing you to go on a rollercoaster.” His straight face turned into a bright smile as he winked. He was confusing. Scary at some points, but attractive at other times. And his words made no sense, was he messing with you?

And why didn’t you call the police or your parents? What was this control Taeyong had over you? You brain screamed danger but your heart was being pulled in. You wanted to know what a dangerous lifestyle was like for once. You wanted to stop living a “simple” life.

He watched you the entire ride, laughing as you screamed during the long dips and swift turns. You looked at him and hit his side with a small fist.

“Hey! It’s not funny.” You went on the Twister and a few other rides with him, laughing and smiling at each other like a regular couple. He even used his shooting skills to win you a Hello Kitty plush bear.

No one would’ve known that you were brought there against your will, or that the crazy man was a gang leader. He took your hand in his as you walked to the food truck area. “How’s your leg?” “Wait, you saw that?” You held your head with your other hand, too focused on the question to notice the strange way you two walked together holding hands. You looked up at him but he only looked forward, avoiding your gaze. “I like you, little mouse, and we both know you have never had a boyfriend, right?” The question nearly made you stop walking. “N-no.” You whispered, a bit embarrassed that you, a college student, never dated someone. Taeyong smiled to himself. Perfect. Everything was falling in line for him. “Well, little mouse, that’s what people do when they like someone, they’re always there to watch and support their significant other. How would I know that you were hurt and needed some fun if I didn’t stalk you a little?” Something didn’t feel right, but Taeyong’s eyes were softer as he talked to you, he rubbed a hand on your arm and gave you a small smile.

Why did part of you want to trust him? Was it because you knew nothing about love and how people show it? Taeyong was teaching you more than anyone else did about relationships and you appreciated that.

So you brushed off the bad feeling you had and looked down at your thigh. “Well, I do have a bruise, but I’ll be fine. Thank you for taking me here.”

You were surprised that he cared, but you didn’t think it weird that he was there watching you in the first place.

He only smiled and took your hand again. “I’m glad you appreciate my efforts, you can make it up to me later.” He winked. You were in line for a smoked turkey leg, and you wanted to know more about the strange man in front of you that suddenly couldn’t stop smiling.

“Okay but why me?”

Taeyong didn’t shuffle through his wallet for cash like everyone else did. He only clicked his tongue and waited for the chef to nod. He turned back to you. “Because you’re the only girl I have my eyes on..because I feel bad for breaking into your parents’ place.” You scoffed and furrowed your brows. “Oh really? You think this makes up for that?” “Come on, y/n, you and I both know your parents made even more than they lost. So in a way, I kinda helped you guys.” His eyes never let go of you while he bit into the turkey leg and chewed a large chunk of it. You rolled your eyes and couldn’t help but smile. How did things end up this way? Who was this man? “Are you happy you came with me?” He asked with a full mouth. “I had a good time, but I still don’t understand what you want from me.” You looked around nervously. He swallowed hard and handed you the leg. “Have you ever had a smoked turkey leg?” You shook your head. “No.” He scoffed. “Try it.”

You took a bite out of the leg and your eyes widened at the explosion of flavor. It was so good, it tasted cheap, yes, but the Smokey flavor was unlike anything you’d ever had.

“There’s so much..that you haven’t experienced yet..I just want to show you the world you don’t know, will you let me do that?” You nodded without thinking it through. What was the catch? “Yes, my parents have kept me sheltered and protected, and..I’m embarrassed to say I don’t know about most things..that the average person knows about.” You went on a tiny rant, but Taeyong already knew this.

He was captivated by the way you chewed and how your round cheeks filled up with even the tiniest bites of food. Your round eyes dazzled in the sunlight and your lips formed a small pout. He couldn’t hold himself back any longer. “Have you ever kissed anyone?” You looked down and were about to shake your head but Taeyong lifted your chin with his free hand and leaned down to your face. The handsome man placed a long kiss on your lips while your eyes were wide open. This was all so sudden, but you didn’t pull away. You liked it, you had finally been kissed. When he raised his head you looked up at him innocently. “W-What was that?” “I’m sorry, I had to.” He stepped closer to you and gave you a questioning look. “Do you like me, y/n?” You had just gotten to know this man and he was already asking if you liked him. Your sheltered and nervous mind screamed ‘no’ at first, but damn it you wanted to do something different.

You wanted to live like everyone else did. You felt things you never felt before in your short time with Taeyong and you weren’t sure if it was love, but you knew it was different.

Taeyong was probably not the best choice for your first “love,” the man was a killer and leader of a dark life, but you wanted to experience everything he was willing to show you. So, you dove in.

“Yes.” You nodded and looked into his eyes. He smirked. “Then you should kiss me back, but open your mouth this time.” You were hesitant, but Taeyong leaned down to you and kissed you again. This time, you felt his tongue on your lips. You slowly opened your mouth and felt it enter. He held your head in his hands as he turned his own and found your tongue. You lifted it and felt your eyes shut while you enjoyed this new feeling. He guided the kiss, playing with your tongue and licking your lips whenever he pulled away to breathe.

You loved the feeling and put your arm around his neck to pull him back towards you. Your chest rose up and down rapidly while you kissed him and his hands found your waist. He brought you closer to his hot body as you placed a hand on his chest lightly. Taeyong felt light headed when you were close to him like this. The feeling of your soft, round lips finally on his made his heart flutter. You were all his. He couldn’t think of anything but you. When you pulled away from him you looked up to see him biting his lips and blushing. “You did so well. Did you like that?” He held your chin and rubbed it with his thumb. “Yes.” That was all you could say as you thought of how good his lips and tongue felt on yours. Everything felt magical during the sunset. The lights behind his head and the gathering of more people around you. Everything felt warm. Then, reality set in.

“It’s getting dark, I have to go home.” He nodded and took your hand. “Let’s go.” You were walking past the tables by the food trucks as Taeyong held your hand. A man sitting at one of the tables stuck is foot out at the last second, making your trip and fall halfway down before Taeyong caught you and held you up. The men laughed and looked at your skirt, trying to catch a glimpse of your underwear. You both turned to them while you brushed yourself off. “Sorry dear..” the man started. “but I suggest wearing shorts next time.” The man and everyone at his table burst into laughter while you felt the heat in your cheeks rise. Taeyong came up behind you and stepped in front. The man looked up and wiped his teary eyes.

“Oh look, it’s the grim reaper himself. I’m sorry for tripping your angel of a girlfriend.” He rolled his eyes. Taeyong was silently boiling. How dare someone touch you and laugh at you. He tilted his head before placing both hands on the table. “Which hand do you use to play with your dick, you fat piece of shit?” Taeyong’s words made you jump as the man raised an eyebrow. He scoffed, “I use both when I’m fucking your girlfriend.” The man let out but before he could take another breath, Taeyong took a knife out from his waist band and stabbed the man through the center of his hand that rested on the wooden table. You covered your mouth and backed away as the blood spewed out from the man’s hand and he screamed out in pain. People nearby screamed too and ran away. Blood decorated Taeyong’s face while the other guys sitting at the table jumped up and ran.

The man tried to take Taeyong’s hand off of the knife so that he could remove it, but he forced the mans hand away and pulled out another shiny knife, stabbing that hand and pinning the man to the table again.

More blood spewed onto Taeyong’s face as he laughed. But he didn’t stop there. He dragged the first knife through the man’s hand and up his wrist, cutting it in half with the sharp blade.

“Oh God!! NO!! Stop!! HELP!” The man cried out but no one helped him. Everyone was gone and the food truck workers only shook their heads as they watched. “You’re right, I am the grim reaper.” Taeyong leaned in close to the man’s face and looked him in the eyes with a menacing expression.

“And guess what? No one can help you. Not even God.” Taeyong said before slicing through his other arm. The man stood up and bled profusely before passing out and falling onto the dirt. You didn’t notice that you started crying in fear. “T-Taeyong?” How could the man you just kissed moments ago become so violent? Was this who he really was? He turned to with a bloody face and smiled.

“Don’t cry, little mouse, he had it coming.” He walked up to you and tried to hold you with his bloody hands but you stepped back. “Why?” You shook your head as tears fell. “Because I like you! Because he hurt you! Don’t be afraid of me.” He started but you couldn’t stand to be around him, everything felt so wrong. You were hit with the reminder of who he was.

He wasn’t some sweet gentleman here to show you the beauty of the world, he was a bad person that only knew the dark sides of it. You turned and ran away from him, pushing through the crowd to try to get as far as possible. He would’ve followed you but he knew that it was too much for you. If he had just controlled his anger, he could’ve had his boys handle the man, but he didn’t. He was used to the violence, but he had to give you time. ———— A few weeks past and you didn’t text Taeyong even when he asked you out for lunch. You were scared of him, but part of you missed the feeling he gave you when he was nearby, looking at you fondly, watching your every move. You brushed off your thoughts and visions of him and walked into the practice room for your piano lesson. You always went to piano practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but on this visit, your piano teacher wasn’t present in the choir room you used for your lessons. “Hello?” You called out and looked around “It’s just you and me, little mouse.” “What are you doing here?” Your eyes wide when you recognized the mans voice.

“Well, you didn’t text me back, so I had to come see you.” He stood in the corner of the room with his arms crossed, this time he wore a gray long-sleeve that clung to his arms. He looked irritated, like he hadn’t slept for days. “Don’t worry, I’ll forgive you if you play something for me.” He stepped closer, but your gripped the strap of your backpack and baked away. “Forgive me for what? You nearly killed a man! What did you expect me to do?” He laughed. But slammed a hand down on the piano. You jumped at the sound. “I expect you to thank me for standing up for you!”

His voice was loud and husky, his dark eyes looked up at you. You wore a pink short skirt that rested above the middle of your thighs with a thin white button down shirt tucked into it. And of course, those frilly white knee-highs that he loved. “How could you leave me?” He stepped closer to you, making you back into the door of the practice room. You didn’t know what to say, he did defend you even though he scared you. “Don’t you understand that I did that for you? I could’ve been arrested.” Taeyong moved a strand of hair from your face.

You looked up at his lips innocently. You forgot about everything. The only thing you thought about was the feeling of them on you.

You leaned in and kissed him first this time. You missed the feeling and closed your eyes while moaning out lightly.

Taeyong kisses you hard this time, biting your lips before pulling away and kissing your neck. He held your body close to his, focusing on your moans and heavy breathing. But he had to hold himself back, he wasn’t ready to take you yet. He wanted you to beg for him. He took your hand and led you back to the piano. “Sit and play a song for me. Don’t mess it up.” He demanded as you sat down and flipped the pages to the song you had practiced with your teacher.

You gulped, worried for what might happen in you made a mistake.

He sat beside you and you started to play Piano Sonata No.24 by Beethoven. Despite your hands being shaky, you put your fingers on the keys and played. You started off well but jumped a bit when Taeyong breathy voice entered your ears. He whispered “I remember when I first saw you, you were touching yourself, isn’t that right, little mouse?”

You nodded, and stared straight ahead at the sheet music, finding it difficult to focus on the piece.

“Do you really want to know what it’s like?” He continued. You nodded and your breath hitches in your throat as his large, cold and bruised hands run up your thigh. The touch of his hand on your thighs makes you feel a heat between your legs, much like what you felt that night.

He stops his hand and runs his gun along the inner skin on your thigh instead, running it all the way up to your private area. You gasp at the feeling of a weapon being so close to your core, but Taeyong whispers again and drags the pistol back down to your knee. “Keep playing.” You continued, but missed a beat and picked your hands up off the piano. He inches the gun up your thigh but you continue with the song. A few bars later and you mess up again. He pulls the gun up further. You can’t stop skipping notes and playing incorrect rhythms until the gun finally touched your aching core. You pull your hands away and look at Taeyong who is focused on the device between your legs. “I’m sorry, please don’t kill me.” You beg. “Oh sweet girl, I already told you I’m not gonna kill you. You can leave whenever you want to, unless..you don’t want me to stop?” He whispers and continues to rub the gun against your folds.

You grip the piano tightly and shake your head. Everything felt wrong, how could an inanimate object make you feel this way?

“It’s okay, relax.” Taeyong’s deep voice and closeness calmed you down, and you felt the need to embrace this new feeling. You needed to know what others talked about when they talked about sex. “Close your eyes. Focus on the feeling.” He whispered into your neck. His hot breath pushed you along further.

You do as he says and breathe heavily, gasping at the strange, but good feeling you start to have. The cold metal pressing against you through your underwear makes you wet. “Does it feel good? Do you like the feeling of my gun on you, little mouse?” You sigh and nod, biting your lips and grunting as you start to rock your hips. “Why does it feels so good?” “This is what it’s like...I’m gonna make you cum for the first time, sweetheart.” His deep voice echoes in your head. He watches your lips part and your mouth fall open and feels the restraint in his pants. You moan a few more times as he kisses your neck and you move your wet opening against his gun on your own. He listens to your moans get louder, but before you can cum, he removes the gun and stands up from the stool, taking a few steps back and looking down on you as you still sat and breathed heavily, your forehead sweaty and your lips open. “Now, follow my orders, be a good girl.” You nodded, saddened by the withdrawal of his gun for some reason. “Put your hand on your pussy.” He smirked. You shakily lowered your hand. “How does it feel?” “It’s wet..and warm.” You breathily answered. He smiled. “Good, now turn to me and put one leg on each side so that your legs are open, and put your hands out in front.” You moved as he said and jumped slightly at the feeling of the cold leather in between your legs. He put his gun away and took out a switch blade, running it against your thighs, the sharp knife made you chilly. “Lift your skirt and lean back a little, sweetheart.” You moved again as he looked into your eyes while running the blade across the delicate skin of your inner thigh. You bunched your skirt up around your waist as he licked his lips and moved closer. You watched and breathed heavily, unsure of what he’d do next. “My gun made you so wet already, little mouse.” His mouth turned upward into a smirk as he looked at your soaking panties. He used the knife to cut the waist band of your panties and dragged the fabric from under you, making it so that your bare flower was against the smooth leather. “Now, slide forward and backward.” You leaned forward and started to rock your hips back and forth again, but Taeyong wasn’t pleased that you were barely touching the seat. He placed two hands on your shoulders and pressed you down. “Keep moving, yes, just like that little mouse.” He stepped back again.

Your eyes closed as you focused on the feeling and the strange building of liquid under you. You placed your hands in front of you and leaned forward so that your clit rubbed against the chair.

Something was building up in your stomach, you weren’t sure what it was. The aching in your clit made you cry out quietly in the studio. You looked up to see Taeyong recording you with his phone from two feet away. “Unbutton your bra.” “Like this?” You looked up at Taeyong innocently while unbuttoning the top three buttons and still moving back and forth. He nearly lost it when he saw your large eyes through the phone screen. “Yes, sweetheart, and take your boobs out of your bra.” You still held your body as it moved back and forth with one hand in front, but took your boobs out of your bra just like he told you to. “Ah! Cold..” you hissed at the cold air that hugged your breasts once you picked them out. “My nipples..they’re so firm and hard, is that supposed to happen?” Your high pitched and confused voice made Taeyong chuckle. He bit his lips as he watched your boobs jump up and down while you fucked yourself on the stool. “Yes, little mouse, that’s a good thing. Now, move faster.” You swallowed hard and picked up the pace while still holding your breasts. The sounds of your wet entrance against the leather covering filled the air.

You felt weird and raw. You bit your lips to hold back the sounds that wanted to escape your chest. The plush surface of the stool against your folds drove you crazy. How could something so simple make your chest so weak? “Open your mouth, let it out, the louder you are the better you will feel.” Taeyong demanded while still recording you. Your mouth fell open and you were happy to see Taeyong’s approval. Your whines grew louder as your pace increased automatically. “Do you like fucking yourself on the stool?”

You bit your lips and nodded, the strange heat building made your head spin. “Look at the camera and say it, tell me what you’re doing with your sweet pussy.” You opened your eyes and looked the phone. “I’m f-fucking myself with the leather s-seat of a stool.” The words barely left your mouth before the high pitched moans escaped.

“Oh—oh my God.” You whimpered You let go of your boobs and used your both hands in front of you move faster and further down onto the stool.

Taeyong’s pants felt extremely restrictive as he grew. The sight of you slowly losing your innocence made him weak. Your skin was glistening with sweat, your chest moved fast and your full lips stayed open while you cried out the sweetest sounds he’s ever heard. “Good girl, are you going to cum?” He huskily let out. “I-I dont know..everything feels weird. But it feels good..” You whined and moaned loudly. “What feels good?” Taeyong’s calm voice let out. “My pussy..it’s feels so good, Taeyong.” You shut your eyes tightly and moved a few more times before you felt the sudden tremble of your core under you. Your boobs jumped and your legs fell weak as you came. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head as your jaw tensed. Taeyong loved every second of it and was glad to get it on camera. Your mouth still open as you moved slowly and came down, he thought of how your lips would look around his dick. But this was enough for today. “Good girl, you came.” Taeyong got up and rubbed your cheek. “Get up.” He helped you up off the stool. “Look at that, little mouse, look at how wet you are.” You looked down and saw the leather completely covered in the liquids that escaped you. “Why is it like that?” Taeyong laughed. “It’s good...” He took your hand as he stood behind you and brought it down to your core. “Do you feel that?” His fingers over yours as he pushed them in between your folds. “Yes” You nodded, still shaken up by your orgasm. Taeyong’s hot breath on your neck made you weaker. “A wet pussy is a good pussy” Taeyong let go and you were saddened by the withdrawal. “Now, little mouse..before our next lesson, I want you to suck a few lollipops.” He looked at your lips. “When’s our next lesson?” You asked, eager to see him again for some reason. You had completely forgotten about why you were upset with him, what he had done.

He was helping you get over your sexual awkwardness and you liked that, even if it was coming from a gang leader. That was all you cared about. He made you feel good and now you wanted more. “A little impatient aren’t we? Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll find you.” He winked and left you alone in the now quiet studio. ———— Taeyong goes about his daily life of crime, but still can’t get his mind off of you He’d have sex with other girls he’d meet at the nightclub his gang controlled but nothing compared to the sight of you. He’d try to get off on the girls as they danced for him but nothing worked, he couldn’t get hard and cum if he didn’t think about your body and the way you moved it on the leather chair.

He pictured your lips and heard the echoing sounds of your high pitched whimpers and moans. When he was alone, he’d get high and watch the video of you on his phone. He’d touch himself as he watched and feel completely blissful as he came while higher than the clouds. But he knew he needed more, he needed another fix. It had been two weeks but he couldn’t shake the thought of you out of his head. When he robbed people, he thought of you. When he killed people, he thought of your innocent eyes. He had to see you. Taeyong goes to watch you play tennis again but you still didn’t know. He liked the way you sweat and move.

So he decides that it’s time for your second lesson.

He waits for you at home, creeping into your bedroom through your window. He saw your parents cars in the driveway so he knew they were home. While waiting in your bedroom, he syncs his phone with your TV so he can play the video he took of you when you get out the shower. He starts to play the video, his head falling back against the headboard while he watches your innocent expressions on the screen. That’s when you came out of the bathroom attached to your room. You clutch your towel around you tightly and jumped in surprise when you saw the man on your bed. “H-how did you get in here?” Taeyong smiled. “Nice to see you too.” You heard panting and light moaning and turned to the TV.

Your eyes widened, it was you in your white blouse moving up and down the leather seat in the practice room. You had completely forgotten that Taeyong had taken and kept the video on his phone. “This isn’t good, you should delete that.” You turned back to him and pointed at the screen. “Oh, little mouse, I kept it so you can remember how good you felt.” You looked back at the screen and your jaw dropped at how you looked like a porn star. “Don’t be embarrassed, sweetheart, come here.” Taeyong patted your bed. You turned to him and walked slowly, still holding your towel around you. “Do you trust me?” He asked as he looked up at your exposed collar bones and the water droplets that dropped from your wet hair. You pouted and looked away. “I don’t know.” “Do you want to feel good again? Look at me.” He touched your hand as you looked back at the gorgeous man. “..yes.” He smiled slowly. “Come here. Get on the bed.” You still held your towel and climbed on the bed, kneeling over his lap as he massaged your thighs. Your moans on the TV echoed in the back of your head. “Listen...you sound beautiful.” Taeyong’s voice was dark and low. He rubbed his hands along the soft skin of your hips, lifting up the towel. He pressed his thumbs on the skin and bit his lips. “I want you to ride my face, little mouse.” You gasped. “You what?” “Ride my face, move just like you did on the seat.” Taeyong worked his hands to your waist. “I’m gonna make you feel good.” You nodded, he pushed himself further down your bed so that his face replaced his lap. You still held the towel as you hovered over him, hesitant to show him your naked body.

“Let me see all of you, please.” His hot breath fanned your sensitive skin, making you tremble in his hands. You nodded and dropped your towel. “Good girl, now lower yourself onto me.” He made you so weak with his husky voice. His hands gently pushed you down towards him and you started to move when you felt his plush lips against your folds. He sticks his tongue in between them, giving you one long stripe as you start to move back and forth. Your breath stays in your chest and you hold onto the headboard for support as your weak and incredibly sensitive to the feeling of his hot tongue on you. Taeyong marvels at the sight do your body above him, the roundness of your breasts, the way your nipples stuck out from the pillowy soft skin, and the beauty of your untouched pussy on his mouth. He lays his tongue flat while you move, kissing your clit every now and then to send shockwaves through your body. He likes to see how jumpy you are at the new feeling.

But he pulls you down towards him whenever you push up away from him, forcing your legs further apart so you had to lower yourself. “Taeyong—“ You breathily call out his name and let your head fall back, while still rocking your hips back and forth. Taeyong hums and dips his tongue inside to give you more. His tongue laps up the juices between your folds and moves from your clit to your dripping opening. You nearly lose it as he explores your pussy with his mouth, moaning and crying out while you get closer to cumming. Taeyong digs his thumbs into your waist, making you yelp out in the unexpected and bruising pain.

“Quiet down, sweetheart, we don’t want your parents to hear, isn’t that right?” Taeyong’s raspy voice lets out. You nod amd shut your lips tightly, trying to prevent any sound from getting out. You move faster, gripping hard onto the headboard while Taeyong passionately circles his tongue around your clit and along your folds. He moves a hand to your clit and runs circle around it slowly while sticking his tongue deep inside you. This new feeling of the combined attacks on your core makes you go crazy, you can’t hold back anymore and cry out his name loudly. “Taeyong!” He slaps your ass hard with his other hand, making you jump. You put a hand over your mouth as Taeyong brings you to the edge with his mouth, moaning into it as tears start to form.

You moved back and forth a few more times before cumming. You tried to lift yourself off of his face as you came but he used his large, veiny hands to force you back down onto him.

You shake uncontrollably and look down at him while he holds you still, your mouth falling open in a silent ‘O’ shape.

He licked everything up while looking you in the eyes. He was so hard, he wanted to fuck you until you moaned so loudly, your parents would think you were being attacked, but he knew he couldn’t. Not tonight.

He finally lets you go and you fall down on the bed beside him, exhausted and weak with the a tired feeling in your legs. He wipes his mouth with the bath towel and leans over you.

“You were such a good girl for me, baby.” He kissed your forehead while you smiled. “That was amazing.” You let out. Taeyong sat up and flipped channel while you looked at the ceiling blissfully. “There’s a video I wanted you to see.” Taeyong turned to you and held your hand.

You sat up straight and looked at the TV. The video features a man dressed as a priest and a woman dressed as a nun.

“Why are we watching this?” You ask as Taeyong rubs small circles on your back. At first it seems like an innocent video of people in a church, but then you see what it really is.

The nun undressed like the priest tells her too then gets on her knees. You gasp as you watch the nun open her mouth for the priest and gives him a blow job in the church. “Is this real?” “Yes” Taeyong lies, they’re just actors but he doesn’t want you to know that. You gasp at the sight. “Isn’t this..wrong?” Taeyong chuckles at how naive you are. “No, little mouse, they are in love, So this isn’t wrong..now, watch closely.” You observe the way the lady’s head bobs up and down, and how she takes the priests entire length in her mouth. Your head turns and you wonder how it’s possible at a to fit so much in one’s mouth. “If you’re a good girl like she is, you’ll be rewarded greatly.” Taeyong watches your wide eyes on the TV. He gets up and sits on the edge of the bed. He could’ve just laid on the bed and had you between his legs while he rested his back against the headboard, but having you under him on the floor would feel so much more..satisfying. He takes your hand and gets you off the bed. “Get on your knees and be a good girl for me.” You look up at him while he rubs his thumb over your bottom lip. He unzips his jeans and takes his erect dick out. the size is intimidating, not as large as the man’s in the video, but you’re still not sure how you could fit all of him in your mouth. “What’s wrong, baby?” He asks once he sees your sad expression. “I’m not sure..if I love you, Taeyong.” Taeyong smiles and laughs lightly, still moving his hand up and down his member, circling around shaft and spreading the pre cum over it. He had built himself up so much, just the sight of you below him would make him cum hard if he kept moving his hand. But he wanted to feel your pretty mouth on him badly. “Well..do you hate me?” You shake your head. “No, no I don’t, Taeyong.” “And what is the opposite of hate?” Taeyong raises an eyebrow. “Love.” The word barely leaves your mouth. Taeyong is addicting, you can’t push away from him even though the small voice in your head tells you to.

He’s a criminal, someone that lives a completely different lifestyle from you and hurts others. He went against everything you were taught, he was dangerous, but you liked that.

“See, baby, I love you so much I tasted you and fucked you with my mouth.” The words sounded sexy as they left his mouth.

“but if you want to prove that you love me, you should take me in, all of me. Do you understand why we must do this now?” Taeyong intertwines his other hand with yours, his eyes large and focused on your soft face. “Yes..”

He was surprised to feel a small pain in his cold heart after he lied to you, but he brushed it away. He wasn’t capable of providing love. He only fucked well and got people to do things for him with that manipulative mouth of his. Love was never an option. “Good.” He smiles. “Now, open your pretty mouth.” He moves his hand up and down his shaft as you hover over it, a heat growing in between your legs again as you remember what the couple on the TV did. “Do it just like she did for Father. You want to be a good girl, right?” “Yes, Taeyong.” You lick your lips and put your mouth on his tip. You do as he says. Doing your best to follow what the girl in the video does, and lower your mouth onto him, taking in as much as you can.

There’s a harsh feeling in your throat as you feel you’ve taken in all you can, but you push even further. You had to be good, you had to make him feel as good as he made you feel. You gag and take him all in, your eyes squinting at the pain in your throat. You pull your mouth off and let your spit drop back onto his tip as you choke.

When you pull away you look up at him with large eyes and ask “Like this?”, Taeyong grunts.

“Yes, just like that, think of it as those lollipops you had this week.” Taeyong smirks and pushes your head back down. “Stick your tongue out.” Taeyong demands through dark eyes. You do as he says and he guides his tip on your tongue. “Lick it, little mouse.”

And so you do, you lick all around it and in between the small part at the top. You moved your head so your tongue can cover all bases while you place kitten licks on his veiny dick.

“Does it feel good, Taeyong, am I a good girl?” You work your tongue around the shaft as he throws his head back and holds back his loud groans. Your kitten licks drove him crazy “Yes, baby, you’re perfect, now swallow.” He looks back down at you and pushes the back of your head. You feel his dick hit the back of your throat and struggle to breathe as you bob your head up and down. “Yes, sweetheart, just like that.” You move your head up and down like the lady in the video did, drinking in Taeyong’s glorious moans. He looks down at your naked body while you gag and tears start to fall down your perfect face.

You pull away for a brief moment to breathe, and Taeyong watches as a string of spit and his pre cum fall onto your breasts and your chin. “Just a little longer, I’m almost there.” He pants. You look up at him innocently and nod before moving back down onto it. Taeyong grabs your hair and thrusts into your mouth, forcing your head down so that your lips and tongue touch every inch as he gets closer.

You groan as your throat becomes raw and irritated at the continued attack, but the vibrations make Taeyong go crazy.

You don’t even move your head anymore as Taeyong fucks into it. Your eyes start to water, your knees grow tired on the cold, hard floor.

“Fuck” he whispers as he gets closer.

You tap his thigh to tell him you can’t breathe, but he forces himself into your mouth with one hard thrust and you feel a hot liquid coat the back of your irritated throat.

He’s still holding the back of your head so you can’t pull away and see his release. “Swallow it.”

He groans and curses as he comes in your mouth.

You’re completely ruined as your tears stain your red cheeks and your nose runs. He finally lets go of your head and watches you swallow hard.

“It hurts.” You whined as you look up at him and wipe your chin of his cum. “I know, baby, but you did so well.” He picks you up off the floor. “you were such a good girl.” He sits you on his lap and cleans your face up with the bath towel before laying you down. He zips his jeans up and turns off the TV.

“Now you know what it feels like. Doesn’t it feel good?” He asks as he wipes your face. He doesn’t lay down with you, he only sits on the side of your bed while watching you. “Can I know..what the actual thing feels like?” You look down at his pants, eager to feel him inside you.

Taeyong chuckles and his smile makes your heart shutter. His beautiful large eyes squinted. “You will, little mouse, but not today.”

He wanted to fuck you badly, make you writhe under him and beg for more. He wanted to be the first one to stretch you out and the first to cum inside your beautiful pussy, but he knew he had to wait.

You were like a delicate, expensive toy. He couldn’t treat you like any other girl. You were pure. Little by little, he wanted to open your eyes and take out the hungry animal in you that would beg for his cock every day. He knew if he was the one to bring you to your amazing climaxes every time, you wouldn’t want anyone else, you’d only crave him. You were his, and he wasn’t going anywhere. He pulled the blanket over your naked body and rubbed your side as you fell asleep. You were tired by the new feelings and his attack on your throat, so you fell asleep quickly. “My little mouse, you’re all mine.” He got up and left the same way he came in. Oddly enough, you never asked him how he got in in the first place. ———— Another two weeks away from Taeyong, you felt a strange urge in your stomach to be with him again, to make him feel good. It’s all you thought about. You saw his perfect face and his smile whenever he called you a good girl. You felt his large hands over your body and imagined them in between your legs. You bit your lips and focused on the drive. Your parents were taking you back to college, the last thing you wanted to do was touch yourself in the backseat while they listened to a gospel album and hummed along. You pouted when you looked at your phone. Taeyong never texted you, maybe because he wanted you to come to him. But part of you was upset. You thought he got what he wanted and ditched you. He didn’t even call the next day to give you tips on how to get rid of the god awful sore throat you had. So you didn’t text him to tell him you were leaving town. Why should you? He wasn’t your boyfriend. —— Three weeks later and Taeyong kept an eye on you all the time. That night he went over to your place he put a tiny tracker in your bag. He always knew where you were and this was how he watched you. So he was shocked to see your strange location on the map when he woke up one morning. You were gone, out of the city and miles away. “Where you going little mouse?” He said to himself with a smirk. He was initially offended by you not notifying him of your leave but then he thought to himself, how wonderful this game of cat and mouse would be.

He could’ve texted you but he didn’t want you to know that he was watching. He wanted to surprise you, but first he needed to know exactly what kinda place you were in.

He went on to your social media and found a pic of you and another girl. The caption was “finally reunited with my fave.” He felt a tinge of jealousy, he thought he was your fave. He then looked at the location and saw the name of the university you were at. It was about 50 miles away so it made sense.

It was time for him to get his fix. He wanted to see you again, to feel your warm body and mouth on his again. He wanted to remind you of who you belonged to because he wouldn’t let you go that easily. He picked up his phone and dialed Johnny. “John..I’m gonna be taking a little vacation..I won’t be back for a few days. Make sure everyone keeps their shit together.” He didn’t wait for Johnny to ask questions, he hung up and gathered his things. ———— “Lets get fucked up!!” Your roommate Jessica yelled out over the music in the club while raising her shot glass. It was your first night together since summer break so you decided to have some fun at the nightclub near campus with a few of your friends. So much for good Christian morals. Everyone was drinking and dancing to the pulsating beats covered by profane language. Some kids were making out and some were talking. You missed Taeyong when you looked at the couples, you wanted to dance with him, to feel his hands all over you. “So my boyfriend and I had sex in the bathroom at Olive Garden over break!” Jessica yelled out over the music. You winced and tried to hide your displeasure at hearing the unnecessary confession. “Oh really? wow.” She had so much more experience than you did, and she knew this. While you had a strict Christian lifestyle back home, Jessica rebelled against it and did everything she wasn’t supposed to do.

She felt good when she talked about her sex life because she knew you couldn’t relate, but she didn’t know about Taeyong. You wanted to tell her how he fucked you with his tongue, but you didn’t, you’d only feel impure if you talked about it.

Luckily, your mutual friend Mark came up and disrupted the conversation before Jessica could go into the details. “Hey!! How are you guys?” Mark called out and hugged you both. You smiled widely and hugged him back, happy to see the cute dork. He pushed up his large round glasses and stuck his hands in his jeans.

Seeing him in a nightclub was strange. He was so innocent and sweet, you always felt a connection as he never had a girlfriend either and focused on church and studying. He was kind and just came back from his missionary trip in a country you forgot the name of. “I’m good! How was your summer overseas?” You asked excitedly. The three of your spoke before dancing together. Mark held your hand and spun you around in the typical flirtatious manner he always had. You two laughed and held each other, a bit tipsy from the alcohol.

You didn’t notice the pair of dark eyes that watched you from the bar. Taeyong drank you in, you wore a black body con dress that hugged your curves and had your hair messy for the first time. Your makeup was also darker than usual. You didn’t look so innocent anymore. He licked his lips and watched as you spoke to the man in front you. He was furious that the nerdy boy had touched you, hugged you. He hated the way he smiled and the way you looked at him like he was your entire world. He wanted to be the only man you looked at like that, so he knew he had to make it stop.

His anger took over, he knew he wouldn’t give a warning. ————— Classes start and it’s been three days since anyone has seen Mark. You were the closest to him so you asked his roommates if they’d seen him but they all shook their heads. You called and texted him but didn’t get a response. That was..until a few hours later. Mark sent a text back and you quickly unlocked your phone to open it. Your mouth dropped when you saw what it was. You quickly walked to the corner of a building on campus and watched the video. It was the same one that Taeyong took, the one of you fucking yourself on the leather seat in the practice room. You close the video and call him repeatedly until he answers, furious at what he had the audacity to send you. Then you heard the ringing sound stop and a breath over the line. “Mark?” You said quietly. There was a moment of silence as you waited for him to answer. “Hello, little mouse.” The voice answers. “..what did you just call me?” Your eyes widen. “Little mouse, you left me all alone..” the deep voice trailed, sending chills up your spine. “T-Taeyong..what did you do? Where’s Mark?” “Your boyfriend’s right here!” You heard Mark’s blood curdling scream and a few loud hits and cracks. Your eyes started to water when you heard the silence. You thought of what Taeyong did to the man at the fair and panicked. “Taeyong..please, don’t do this.” You beg. “How could you cheat on me?” “Cheat? What are you talking about, he’s my friend. And wait, we’re not even dating!” “Oh, sweetheart, you’re mine, I thought I made that very clear.” “Taeyong, you never texted or called me, I’m not yours and I never will be, you’re crazy!” You yelled into the phone, but Taeyong’s haunting chuckle overtook you. “Mmm..little mouse, you’ve gotten brave now, huh? Well..if he’s not your boyfriend and I’m not your boyfriend..I guess I’ll just get rid of him and leave you alone.” “No! Leave him alone!” “Why would I do that?” “Please..Taeyong, dont hurt him, he didn’t do anything wrong..this is my fault, I’m sorry I left you without saying anything.” “And what will you do to make up for it?” Taeyong asked and you paused. You knew what he wanted and you had to give it to him to free Mark. “Fine. I’ll do..whatever you want me to, Taeyong, just leave him alone please.” “I want you to live with me. I can’t breathe without you, little mouse. I need to feel you near me..if you’re too far away, I’m not sure what I’ll do..who I’ll hurt.” He was blackmailing you but what could you do? You had already gone too far. “I-I can’t do that...your life is completely different from my own...and you’re a gang—“ “Then say goodbye to Mark.” “No!” You started but Taeyong already hung up the phone. You hurriedly called the cops and tell them that someone called you from Mark’s phone. You delete the video but showed them the call.

You didn’t tell them who it was you spoke with, you simply said a strange man answered, but you hoped they would be able to track his phone and find Mark. You didn’t want to explicitly say it was Taeyong. But the information you gave them wasn’t enough, so they left and said they’d put out a missing persons report. When you got back to your dorm, you called Taeyong several times, he didn’t answer so you texted Taeyong after he declined them.

Taeyong knew you called the police because he watched the activity on your phone and heard your conversation. Taeyong used your phone number and gave it to his gang’s hacker, Taeil, so he knew who you called and who you texted after Taeil created a duplicate SIM card. He knew you didn’t tell the cops about him and smiled, thinking of how you protected him because you loved him. To Taeyong: please don’t hurt Mark, I take it back, I’ll live with you The guilt was eating away at your heart, you were terrified of what he’d do. Taeyong could’ve just given in and swooped you up that night, but he wanted to make himself clear, he’d hurt anyone that touched you. ———— You didn’t sleep that night.. you got up to go to class but walked by a crowd you saw gathering around the large cross that was seated in the center of campus. Some students turned away and cried, some students put their hands over their mouths. You finally looked up and saw what they did. It was Mark. Bloodied and bruised and tied to the large campus cross to turn it into a crucifix. He was nearly unrecognizable, it was his large round glasses and his favorite watermelon t-shirt that told you it was him. Your eyes started to tear up, your head started to spin, you knew who had done this and you couldn’t breathe. You looked away from Mark’s body as he barely breathed through a swollen lip. Both eyes were black and his hands and feet were swollen from the blood that had collected while he was tied there for what seemed to be hours.

You ran away and cried, unable to breathe. You brushed past campus medical and ran to a corner, where you bent over and screamed. How could he do this to one of your closest friends? Mark didn’t do anything, he was someone that was close to you and now Taeyong had hurt him, who knew what internal damage had been done. Mark only did great things for his community, unlike Taeyong who hurt everyone. And when you finally stopped crying, You were furious. You opened your phone and found Taeyong’s number. You knew you shouldn’t have cursed or wished ill on anyone, it’s not why you were taught, but you were just so mad. To Taeyong: fuck you. You closed the text box and blocked his phone number. You didn’t know that this infuriated and intrigued Taeyong. You weren’t his innocent little girl anymore, and while part of him was a bit hurt, he was more turned on by your sassiness.

He had no regrets for what he did to Mark, he only craved you more when you pushed yourself away from him because he knew that in the end, he’d get you, he’d have you under him, begging for him, loving him and no one else, for forever. Even if that meant hurting or killing everyone close to you. You sat in your room, locked your door and cried. You cursed yourself for not telling the cops about Taeyong. Why were you trying to protect him in the first place? Telling them about him now wouldn’t have made any sense. You had no idea where Taeyong was. They wouldn’t find him, you’d only waste their time again. You couldn’t talk to anyone about Taeyong, they’d say your crazy for letting it get this far. You held your face and thought of what to do, who could keep your information confidential? And then it clicked. You needed to go to the one place that always brought you peace when you had a lot on your mind. ———— Later that day, you went to the campus church, a large and ancient building with incredible high arches and velvet covered benches. You still cried softly as you kneeled in between the benches and prayed for a few minutes. You then went into the confessional box to speak with the priest. You sat on the small bench, resting your back against the walls and exhaling heavily. You couldn’t get the picture of Mark’s messed up face and body out of your mind. “Father..there’s a lot on my mind and my heart.” “Go on, my child.” “I put..my friends safety in great risk.” The tears started to come again as you choked up. “And now, he’s hurt..real bad.. and I know who hurt him..” You paused. “But I don’t know what to do Father..I think I love the man who hurt him, but I don’t know why..and now I can’t even face my friend who is in so much pain because of me.” You sniffled and wiped your eyes. “I’m a coward, father, please forgive me.. I’ve been lustful and ignorant..I’ve put myself before others.” You took in a deep breath and closed your eyes. “Father, I don’t even know if I deserve forgiveness.” “My child..of course you deserve forgiveness. That’s why you are here..you’ve acknowledged your mistakes and now you can learn from them.”

His voice sounded weird, unnatural, but you didn’t question it. “This man..that you love..have you asked for his forgiveness?” Your eyes opened and your brows furrowed. “No, Father, he’s the reason why my friend is hurt, why should I ask for his forgiveness?” “But you’re the one who left him and drove him to violence..it could’ve been prevented if you just did what he asked, if you just went to him and loved him.” You raised your head and your mouth dropped. “I’m-I’m sorry Father, I’m not following.” There was a moment of silence, just the sound of your breathing filled the small booth. “Little mouse, when will you learn?” Taeyong’s voice spoke out from the box, the fake voice you had heard before disappearing. You jumped up and opened the door of the box to run out but Taeyong beat you to it and pushed you back inside. You fell onto the small bench before standing up and trying to push past Taeyong, you opened your mouth to scream but Taeyong quickly put a hand over your mouth while closing the door.

He leaned down and whispered in your ear, keeping anyone else in the church from hearing anything. “Did you really think you could run away and block me?” “Why would you run away from the one that loves you the most?” Taeyong looked somber, genuinely hurt that you stayed away from him. He took his hand from your mouth when your eyes softened.

You breathed heavily. “How could you hurt my friend? I told you I’d do anything you wanted me to?” You cried as you remembered Mark’s bloody face. “I had to let everyone know that you’re mine, sweetheart, don’t you understand?” You shook your head and cried while he head your chin and stepped closer to you. “You’re crazy.” “No, little mouse, this is how people show their love for one another. Sacrifices have to be made for the betterment of the relationship.” You sniffled and you listened to the handsome man above you. “I hurt him..because he touched you, he tainted you that night at the club and I couldn’t stand it because I love you!” Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him, unaware that he was at the club that night. “He’s my friend! We were having fun!” Your voice raised. He only smiled and ran his long fingers along the side of your face.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but please understand me...do you forgive me?” He leaned down and placed soft kisses on your neck.

He held your head, softly tugging your head back so he could kiss your collar bone. “Don’t you remember when I made you feel good?” His low voice spoke against your soft skin.

You whined quietly and leaned into him, you didn’t want him to stop. Your mind told you this was bad, but your body was saying something else.

“Yes.” “I can do that again..but only if you forgive me, do you?” Something about Taeyong was so intoxicating. His hot breath on your lips made you weak, he clouded your mind again and you no longer saw Mark’s bloody face.

You nodded without thinking it through. “Yes.” He pulled back and smiled. Something about his dark eyes in the dimly lit booth made him look dangerously handsome.

“Good..now I have to forgive you for leaving me...how will you gain my forgiveness? What will you do for me, little mouse?” You looked up at him questioningly.

His lips were just centimeters away from yours, you wanted to feel them again.

“I-I’ll do anything.” You let out as you struggled to focus on forming complete sentences. His closeness was driving you crazy in the small booth.

The warmth of his body on yours and his touch made you want more. He gave you a wicked smile. “my sweet girl, there is one thing that has been on my mind.. but only if you’re ready can we do it.” You nodded, already knowing what he was referring to. You wanted it too and his closeness to you only brought out the craving you had weeks ago the last time you were together. “I’m ready.” Taeyong smiled and kissed your neck while he ran a hand up your thigh. He sucked hard to leave a colorful mark on your perfect skin. Your head fell back against the wall behind you and you pushed your body closer to his, feeling his bulge through his jeans. You moaned quietly when he placed his finger tips over your underwear, pushing the outward frills of your plaid skirt up so he could hold your skin. “Taeyong—what if someone walks in?” You breathily let out. He rolled hips into yours with his head still buried in the crook of your neck. “They’ll see how good I make you feel, baby. Now, put your legs around my waist.” Taeyong our two hands in your butt and lifted you up so that your legs wrapped around him. He pinned you to the wall to keep you up. He loved seeing you like this in your plaid skirt, white dress shirt, knee highs and pink bow tie. You’re an innocent girl ready to be fucked in the confessional booth in a church, and that drove him wild. “Unbutton your shirt, sweetheart.” His mouth watered as he pulled away and looked at you. His low eyes watching you breathe heavily. You did as he said while he hurriedly unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his boxers down. His dick sprung up out of the restricted clothing and hit your thigh. He lowered his head back to your boobs and suck the top. “Taeyong—“ You breathily moaned his name as you felt his wet, tongue on your skin and felt his stiff member on your thigh so close to your throbbing entrance. You heard the people in the church move about like they would on any other day. They had no idea that you we’re committing a sin within the walls of the house of God.

It felt wrong, but it felt good. Taeyong pushes your bra down and your boobs spill out to reveal your hard nipples.

He sucks them, licking and pinching them lightly whisk you cry out his name. “Tell me what you want, do you like that?” He let out in a sultry voice, making you whimper and close your eyes. You felt your legs start to waver as your heat grew. “Yes, Taeyong, please.” You begged and ran a hand through his hair. He backs away slightly and holds his cock, he smirks while he watches your low eyes and parted lips. He knew you’d be begging for this and it turned him on even more. He uses his other hand to push your panties aside then rubs his tip on your clit and along your folds. You moan loudly and hold his shoulder, the feeling making you twitch under him. “Tell me how bad you want it.” Taeyong whispered into your ear, still rubbing his length along your wet opening. He takes a nipple into your mouth again. “Please..Taeyong.” You run a hand down his back to pull him closer to you. “Say it, little mouse. What do you want me to do?” He’s pushing you to the point of begging and you didn’t care. “Please, Taeyong, please fuck me.” That’s all he needed to hear. He pushed into you slowly. He knows it’s your first time so you’re tight. He watches you and waits for you to get used to the new feeling. You cry out at the pain and close your eyes. When you feel like you’ve finally adjusted you nod, and he pushes into you again, this time he rubs your clit. “Relax, sweetheart, you’re doing so well.” “Oh.my God.” You feel tears run down your cheek as he stretches you out and pushes even further into your body, driving you up the wall. He holds your waist to keep your firm against him. He groans and looks down at your small pussy stretching around him.

“Fuck, so tight, baby.” He lets out then watches as he pulls out, his thumb still rubbing circles. You wince as he pushes back in and breathe heavily. “Good girl.” He kisses your lips as he starts to move in and out of you slowly. He pushed into you deep every time and almost pulls out completely. Your dig into his back through his thin t shirt with your nails as he drives your body up the wall of the confessional. Something about the fact that you, the daughter of a pastor, was being fucked in a church by the man they called the grim reaper pushed you further to your climax. It was all so hot. He moves faster as you get even more wet, allowing him to slip in and out easily. Your head falls back and your mouth opens as your moans get louder.You ran your hands along his toned arms as he kisses your neck sloppily. “Taeyong!” You call out his name as the lewd sounds of him pounding into your wet entrance grows and your hand moves faster. You close your legs tightly around his waist. He puts a hand over your mouth to stop your moans as he hits your g spot repeatedly. He nearly goes crazy himself with the feeling of your tight, velvety walls clenching around him. You felt so good around him, it was even better than he had dreamed of. And now hearing your high pitched moans as you sinned for him, drove him to the edge. He kissed your neck and pushed into you hard while still covering your wet mouth with his hand.

Your boobs jumped up and down as he fucked you against the wall. His back was covered in scratch marks as you finally released onto him.

Your body shook while he still pushed into you hard. Your muffled cries quieted down and he kept moving but he let go of your mouth and watched it fall open. The sight of your drooling for him and making quiet, mousy sounds as he fucked you silly, made him realize he was about to cum. He pulled out of quickly and you slid down the wall and onto the small bench. You looked up at him through wet eyes while he pumped his cum out of his long dick. “Open wide.” You opened your mouth and watched as the long strings of cum left his dick and entered your mouth. He moved his hand all over it and made sure that your mouth was covered in his essence. He grunted as some leaked out and coated your chin. He tapped his tip on your tongue while getting out the last amount. You licked it before he pulled away. “Swallow.” You swallowed and closed your eyes, still focused on the feeling of losing your virginity. Taeyong held your hand after zipping his jeans up and cleaning your chin with his thumb. “I love you..don’t ever leave me again.” He held your head in his hand and pulled you in for a kiss. You kissed him back, feeling your sensitive body tremble while he touched you softly. You felt good, so good as the post-sex buzz roared through your body. You wanted to be with him forever and to feel him again and again. But why did you feel like something bad was bound to happen?

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