#like culturally pregnancy is seen as a good thing especially that far along because it means the parent very much wants the kid | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelanimedesaray · 4 years

Text

Through the Looking Glass Chapter 11: Winter Snow

AN: Yaaassss This is one of those chapters that has been in my head since I started writing the series. Finallyyyyyyyy we’re here.

Also consider this the point that they’re not kids anymore. They’ll be full blown adults next chapter. Still teenagers here, but they won’t be in the next chapter.

Characters: Levi, Reader, Mentions of Varioud BG Characters

Pairing: (Eventual) Levi x Reader

Warnings: Language, Mentions of Bullying, Depression, Bit of a Breakdown, Angst

Word Count: 12296.....Holy Shnikies, is that a new record for me with Tumblr fics? I think it is... O.o

<----Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

Gif Found HERE

*Levi’s POV*

When she had shown him the little booklet of information about college, he hadn’t at the time realized just how big of a part that was going to play in her life--not so soon, at least.

It was nothing that happened right away, and not something that he noticed as soon as it started to happen. For a while, everything continued as it always had. He would show up in her world and be granted a brief reprieve from his life, with her pulling him deeper and deeper into the wonders her world had to offer, showing and teaching him new things. When she turned fifteen and was able to drive a car--he finally had a name for those damn horseless carriages--she took the time to try and teach him how to drive those death machines as well. It was rocky at first, with her focusing on how this button and this position and this pedal did such and such, starting with simply getting the car going and moving it back and forth, teaching him about basic signs, driving on certain terrains and in certain weather…

It ended up being an entire process, and it took more than a few days where they saw each other to teach him how to safely drive a car--and even then, she only taught him to use an automatic. Apparently there was another kind of car that operated differently, but she said he shouldn't worry about learning to drive the other one unless she ended up getting one of those different cars.

It had been much easier learning the emergency phone number in her world, the number to call if there was ever trouble and they needed help. Three numbers and press the green phone button, it didn't get much easier than that.

Of course, he also kept learning other things. He liked to peruse the books in her house, particularly the ones about the history of her world, or the nature and what it looked like beyond what he saw with her. Sometimes that was what he did while he waited for her to finish her schoolwork. Other times, he practiced what she'd been showing him on the piano. He wasn't as good at it as she was, but he also didn't have a piano to practice on in his world--not unless he drew all the keys in the dirt and pretended he heard the sounds of the keys while he practiced the patterns and positions.

Even though he'd practice by himself while he waited for her to finish the homework beyond his understanding, he preferred when she would help him practice. He liked having her sit so close beside him, hands over or under his to show him the keys…

She also liked to take him places. Especially after she got that car. If they had the time and it wasn't too late in the day, she would drive them to another town to see a new park. Once she'd gone bowling--and they'd both sucked until he finally got the hang of it. She taught him pool after getting grumpy over Levi getting the hang of bowling and pulling ahead of her in three or four games. Pool she'd been fairly good at, as had Levi once he got used to using the pool stick instead of a knife--he had wicked aim and accuracy, which helped him significantly in that game.

She liked to bring him places to try foods from different cultures with her, or to walk through bookstores and help her choose new fantasy or sci-fi or supernatural stories to read. She’d even buy him any books that caught his eye so that he could read them when he visited, though he usually checked with her that they were non-fiction, first, so he could still learn something about the world she came from in the process.

While all this autonomy started to appear, and they were able to do and see more things, she was also...changing.

She was always so eager to get out of the house when she saw him, looking relieved and happy for an excuse. When she thought he wasn't looking, she seemed tired. There were circles under her eyes, a slight slump to her shoulders, and the few times Levi drove the car instead of her, if he glanced over at her he could catch her with her eyes closed, like she was trying to rest a little in the brief silence between them. A few times, she'd fallen asleep on him, though Levi never said anything about it, even when she woke up embarrassed. The most she would get would be a soft 'Tch' before he went back to whatever he'd been doing to entertain himself while she rested. Considering how eagerly she always threw herself into their time together, she had to be exhausted if she was falling asleep during it.

And he didn't mind it at all when she fell asleep on him. For those few minutes, it felt like he got to be the one to take care of her for once, something he didn't get to do nearly as much as he would like to. She took care of him so much and in so many ways, he doubted he'd ever be able to catch up and return the favor to its fullest extent. Plus, he soon found out why she always seemed so exhausted. It turned out she was stressed and spread thin.

It was something he had to piece together slowly from things she said or papers he found. She was always so focused on making the most out of his visits, that she never said a word about how tired she was, or the things that were stressing her out. She wanted him to take his mind off his life, to not worry, so she tried not to mention anything that would make him worry about her.

But he paid attention when she talked to him. She was going to school five days of the week, yes, but she was also working two jobs, as well as some babysitting on the side when the opportunity presented itself. Her mother had apparently remarried, and was expecting another child soon, so she was trying to help more around the house with things her mother couldn't do due to her pregnancy. She was putting in all the work required to stay at the top of her class, namely the very top, which would be called a valedictorian. She was also keeping up with her interests, helping her mother with an out of home bakery business, keeping up with her piano practice, and she did something called skating that she felt gave her some exercise but also relaxed her. She was also in one or two school activities that took her time, and once they reached a certain age, college came back into play, and she started applying to be let in and to be awarded money to go while keeping up with everything else. He didn't know how she managed to find the energy to drag him all over creation and keep him discovering new things.

Every now and then she let slip that she wanted to leave the town she felt trapped in, and the people in it, and he could see the desperation in her eyes to do just that. The stressors he could understand her wanting to leave, but the people...it took a few more hints for him to figure that part out.

Less of a hint. He had to get her at the right moment, when she finally opened up to him about the part that worried her the most.

He'd appeared in one of his favorite ways--quietly, when he'd simply been walking down the street--and had suddenly been the private audience to the soft piano music being played in the darkened living room.

The happiness he felt to be here again, and to be hearing her music as well, was muffled when he noted the overall tone in the room.

The music was sad, melancholy, depressing, and there wasn't any light in the room to illuminate her or the piano, the curtains on the windows pulled closed, the lights kept off. He approached from behind quietly, a small frown on his face as he came up to inquire what was wrong.

Along the way, his foot crunched a paper, the sound unheard by Y/N because she was focused on the piano and what she was playing, not the rest of the room. He picked it up to look at it closer, realizing it was part of a stack of papers that looked like those applications she'd been filling out so many of recently.

It wasn't one of the applications, but rather a note--a letter--attached to the top and addressed to her parents. It was from one of her teachers, and it went on to talk about how the school she wanted to go to had a very low acceptance rate, was very far away and wouldn't have certain financial aid available for her, and how it was a very expensive school. How she 'shouldn't plan on going to the one school alone, because it was unlikely for her to get in, and even less likely for her to pay for it' and needed to apply for more scholarships and to other schools, yet she refused to apply to more than two schools, and refused to apply for some of the scholarships.

Probably not the only thing bothering her that had her playing in the dark, but it was a good hint.

After putting the paper back into the stack, he stepped a little closer, finally making his presence known by commenting on the mood in the air she'd created.

"So doom and gloom--I'm supposed to be the depressing one," Levi quipped in a flat tone and she whipped around in surprise, banging her knee on the piano in the process and turning back around to clutch at her knee and hiss.

The pain, however, was an excuse to try and hide what he'd already seen. Tears, freshly falling down her cheeks, and not from hitting her knees.

Levi’s usual closed off demeanor shifted, and he quickly came over to sit beside her on the bench. She turned her head away from him to hide the tears as she tried to--unsuccessfully--wipe them away without him noticing.

The problem was that as soon as he was sitting beside her, he realized he didn't know what to say--either to get her to talk about it or to comfort her. He simply sat there awkwardly in silence with her facing off to the side and him facing the piano, both of them unable to talk for some reason.

Hesitantly, unsure if it was the right move but knowing at least it would be something, Levi let his fingers find their way to the right place on the piano, and started to play one of the newer and more difficult pieces she’d taught him recently. It was melancholy--most of the ones she taught him had a bittersweet edge to it, or at least a part of the song that felt that way--but it felt fitting for the moment, and he thought perhaps the song would prompt her to do something in return. Maybe she’d play with him. Maybe she’d start to talk. That was up to her.

Levi quietly played out the song, focused on hitting the right chords, making sure his arm brushed against hers every now and then in the process when he reached for keys closer to where she was sitting as a way of having some contact with her. She was silent at first, just listening to him play the song before, about halfway through, she finally reached out with one of her hands to play half the song. Levi felt a little relief to be getting a response from her, and he let his hand slide over hers as she played half the song for him, feeling her fingers moving below his, able to feel the slight shake in them even though she seemed to be playing the notes steadily.

They continued like that for a while, before Levi started to worry that she might try to use the piano as a distraction rather than an opening to start talking. As they neared the end of the song, he finally spoke up, cutting right to the heart of the matter.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, fingers still moving over the keys. She shook her head, keeping her face turned away from him so he couldn’t see her expression.

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“It really is. It’s stupid, and it doesn’t matter in the long run, anyway.”

“If that was true, you wouldn’t have been crying.”

She sighed, hitting one of the notes with more force than necessary and letting her hand drop away from the piano just short of the end of the song. Levi stopped playing as well, sitting quietly on the bench and gazing patiently at her back as he waited for her to start speaking.

“It’s just...everything going on, you know? I mean, I took it all on myself, I really shouldn’t complain, and I wouldn’t, but it gets so much...harder when...Gah...I hate people…”

Her voice shook, and she sniffled rather loudly, rubbing her left eye with her palm. Suddenly, Levi realized that besides the one time he’d helped her find her home when she’d run away...he didn’t think he’d seen her cry so openly around him. He reached out to gently touch her shoulder, and a shudder seemed to go through her at the contact, and she turned on the piano bench so that she could face him, burying her face in his chest as a small, hiccupped sob escaping her as she curled up against him. He was taken aback for a moment, but after feeling his heart ache and feeling how she was clutching at the fabric of his shirt, he gently draped an arm around her shoulders, letting his other hand gently touch her shoulder in a loose hug.

“Are people picking on you again?” Levi asked, digging for information to try and figure out what was wrong so he could figure out how to properly help her. She gave a bitter laugh at his question, a sound that seemed strange coming from her.

“I think I’d prefer getting beaten up like back then to this bullshit,” she said bitterly, and Levi’s eyebrows raised. He was pretty sure that was the first time he’d heard her swear, too. “No, I...I’ve always kinda been an outcast, at school...which I guess I got used to it...somewhat...but it’s gotten really hard this year. I’ve been working my ass of, and...and it just gets that much harder when you’re constantly hearing people call you lazy, and then you come home to hear the exact same thing as if you’re not spending every hour trying so hard...and then every time you accomplish something, everyone’s back there talking about how it's not going to matter anyway.”

She adopted a voice clearly meant to mimic everyone else, a bitter and cutting edge to her tone even with how her voice was muffled in his chest. “Like you’re actually going to get accepted by any colleges or scholarships, you never get anything in on time, you’re always being told to get things in or they’ll be late, always turning it in last minute, you’re so lazy you never get anything done or doing what you’re supposed to be doing, like you’ll have enough scholarships or meet the deadlines for the places you want to go. Oh, you got accepted by that college? Well it’s not like you’ll ever be able to actually pay for it. Oh, well if you do go to this college you want, you’ll just crash and burn anyway--you’re so straight laced I bet you’re that kid that goes crazy with freedom in college and drops out. You’ve never had a boyfriend or had that many friends, you’re totally going to be that crazy cat lady with forty cats and no friends. You can’t afford to go out for an hour, you have to stay home and get all these applications done, plus your homework, and don’t forget stuff for bible study every morning, and your practices, and yearbook, and everything else under the damn sun you’re not allowed to mess up in cause you have to be the perfect child that’s the first to go to college, you have to get the perfect cushy, high paying job, perfect grades, perfect activities, don’t get snippy with me if you’re feeling stressed it’s all your fault because you’re being lazy and not doing the work like you’re supposed to, you keep screwing around. You’re tired? Same thing applies--you don’t know tired, you’re just lazy and you can’t manage your time. If you’re feeling so stretched thin, then you should just drop something. But not this, or that, I don’t care if you don’t think this helps, don’t drop it either. Oh, you’re not actually allowed to drop anything, just make it all work.”

Her grip tightened on him as she spoke, and he wasn’t sure if the trembling in her body was from sobs or rage with how bitter her voice seemed to sound despite the wobble from tears or the occasional hiccup of a sob. He didn’t interrupt with any of his thoughts, he simply let her rant and rave to him, let her vent, because clearly she needed to.

“I know it shouldn’t matter. I shouldn’t care about what they have to say. It's the same people who make sure anything I like is uncool schoolwide as soon as they know I like it, who thought it would be so...fucking funny to make me go to homecoming with the kid who treated me like a disease and wouldn’t even touch my arm the whole time, the same kid who told me to go kill myself in class and people just fucking laughed and the teacher didn’t even blink even though she was sitting right there. I shouldn’t give a damn about what they have to say, but after so long of hearing it, no matter how thick of a skin I think I’ve built up it still...it still gets to me, and I’m just...I’m just so tired…”

She sagged against him, like some of the fight left her after she finished speaking, curling up in his arms like a baby rabbit seeking shelter, like there was a fox right outside the burrow waiting to devour it and it knew it couldn’t run from it. Levi had stiffened at the mention of the kid who’d told her to kill herself, his expression darkening as he got a better perspective of what her life was like at school, something he now realized he’d never heard about the social side of, only ever her schoolwork and the subjects she studied. Never the people.

Now he knew why. He just wished she would have said something sooner. Did she really think that just because she wasn’t getting beat up that it wasn’t still a real problem? If it was getting this bad…

She stayed slumped in his arms for several long moments, Levi gently rubbing her back to try and soothe her as he waited for her to regain her composure, feeling like she still had more to say and not wanting to interrupt her while he quietly absorbed information. Then, abruptly, she sucked in a long breath and pulled away, arm rubbing angrily at her eyes with a fierce frown on her face.

“It’s still nothing, though,” she said as she got to her feet to start an aggravated pace, and Levi was just about to argue that yes, it was, after that long rant that had driven her to cursing and tears, but she was still talking, and she had a determined venom in her voice as she spoke. “It’s nothing, because I’m not going to let it turn into something. I don’t care if its spite driving me right now, but I swear I’m going to prove every last one of them wrong and--and--and break out of the fucking cage everyone keeps trying to put me in. Even my mom. I love her, but she’s just as bad, always demanding I be so fucking perfect and do what she wants instead of what I want. But even she’s trying to pin me down, she keeps pushing for me to go to these colleges nearby, or to stay in the area, or to settle for something else even though what I want to do...yeah, its difficult, it's a high bar, and it’s going to take me really far away, but it’s my life, it’s my choice. And I’m going to prove every last fucking one of them wrong and get the hell out of here and make something of myself.”

She finished with a huff, having worked herself up in her rant, turning to look at him with slightly flushed cheeks, looking expectantly at him for some kind of reply now that she was finished and he’d been silent for so long. It wasn’t like he had the words to say, though--he wasn’t good at words, and she’d just dumped a lot of information on him.

“All those bad words. I think I’m a shitty influence on you.”

She was taken aback for a moment, staring at him for a second before she snorted in surprise, the tension slowly draining from her shoulders and the faintest smile coming across her face. She approached the bench once more, sitting beside him with the blush coloring her cheeks and her hands locked tightly together.

“You’re the only real friend I’ve had, no matter where I’ve gone. You’ve always been here for me. I don’t think I tell you enough that I’m really thankful to have you. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t.”

Her words were softly spoken, and she stayed close to him the entire time, even if her embarrassment didn’t allow her to look him in the eyes. And to hear her say it aloud to him...it settled doubts he might have had that he wouldn’t have voiced otherwise, helped put some of the restlessness inside him at ease.

Levi looked at the piano in front of him, grasping the handles for the key lid and lowering it over the piano keys. “You’ll make it,” he said with affirmed certainty. “You’re tougher than you think. You’ve made it this far, haven’t you? What’s a little further?”

He looked over at her to catch her smiling warmly at him, a twinkle in her eyes, and he felt his heart soften in the face of that expression. Once the key lid was in place, he gently touched her shoulder to give her a playful shove like she tended to do for him.

“You need a break. I’m here. What should we do?”

She heaved a sigh, looking away for a moment and chewing on her lip as she considered what was possibly an endless list of possibilities. “It’s gonna start getting colder soon...so it should be something we won’t be able to do once winter settles in...I think it’ll be clear skies tonight…” She turned to face him, that sparkle in her eyes again and a smile on her face. “I know what we’re going to do. Come on, we’ve got a bit of a drive to make first,” she said excitedly, getting up off the bench and heading to the front door, where she picked up what Levi knew to be her car keys.

Levi got up to follow her, wondering to himself where they were going now, and how far of a drive it would be. What in-town activity would they be carrying out today?

They got into her car, Levi looking up to see the night sky as he opened the passenger side door and got inside, Y/N already starting up the car before he even shut the door and driving the car out of town and into open country. They drove in silence for several minutes, Levi sneaking peaks at Y/N the entire time, mulling over the stress she was under and her confession in the other room.

He would have beat the shit out of a few people by now if he was there, but he never showed up when she was in school, always after. He was never around when she needed him around, which meant that it was something she had to deal with on her own.

It was like he’d said, though. She was stronger than she thought. He’d seen the determination and the fire in her eyes before. She would make it through. And she would reach her goals. Even if she had to get herself through on spite right now.

He still wanted to get his hands on that one individual in particular…but she hadn’t even given him a name.

Y/N suddenly took a turn onto a dirt road that went so far into a wheat field, turning off her lights--which immediately caught Levi’s attention--before she brought the car to a stop and shut all the lights off, reaching into the back to grab a blanket before she opened the door.

“We’re actually not supposed to be here--it’s private property--but we should be fine so long as we’re gone before dawn,” she said with a spark of rebellion in her eyes.

Good. It sounded like she needed to break some rules and get outside some of the restrictions around her for a while.

Getting out of the car, Levi spoke up in a low voice, looking around at the field around him and noting that the hay didn’t reach high enough to cover the car. There was a corn field behind them that would have been high enough to cover the car, but for some reason they’d parked here. “What are we doing out here?”

Y/N got on the hood of her car carefully, scooting back until she could lean back to lie on the windshield with her legs stretched out in front of her. She gestured for him to come up onto the hood instead of responding, waiting until he’d crawled up with a sigh before she threw the blanket over both of them.

As soon as he leaned back, he understood why they were here. Leaning back on the hood of her car, he had a clear, unobstructed view of the night sky. Where the corn would have reached high enough it could have obstructed the view somewhat, the wheat was low enough it didn’t creep into his line of sight for the sky. It was just pure...open sky. And out here, where there were no lights from town, just nature, the stars shone brilliantly in stunning detail, the only light that could have ‘affected’ the view being the moonlight itself. But it was still a dazzling display above him, and all around there was the soft rustle of wind through the wheat fields, crickets, the occasional howl from coyotes in the distance--just nature, fresh air, the sky laid out endlessly in front of them…

Y/N shifted onto her side, curling up next to him with a comfortable sigh. “I know you live underground so...I figured it’s about time we went stargazing. I’m surprised we haven’t yet.”

Levi turned his head enough to look at her, noting that she was looking at him far more than the stars, probably gauging his reaction. For her, this was something she saw quite frequently, so maybe his reaction to it was more interesting to her. Still, knowing she’d chosen this because she knew about where he lived, how it wasn’t an everyday sight for him, how this was a sight that was denied to him…

Much like earlier, he put his arm around her instead of choosing to respond with words, pulling her a little closer to him as a way to show her his gratitude, that this did, in fact, mean something to him, and he appreciated her gesture. She seemed to understand, that blush returning to her cheeks as she buried her face in his chest and pulled the blanket tighter around them as if that could hide her reaction and make it seem like she was just getting warm.

Knowing she drove them out here so they could see the stars, that her idea of an escape was to show him something that he rarely got to have and to sit in silence with him for however long they wanted to…

He cared about her. Deeply. That had never been in question. From the moment she’d built that safe place for him--an image called to mind as he looked up at the stars unobstructed much like he had once looked up at them from the nest she’d created for him through the window of the tiny wooden playhouse--he had a soft spot in his heart for her. And over the years, she just burrowed deeper and deeper, that flickering flame growing stronger, the warmth getting more intense. She made him happy--made him feel like he belonged, even if he flickered in and out of the world. Even though he didn’t get to stay, he was still so grateful to have a chance to be part of her life, to know her, to spend time with her. She was a safe place for him, a place where he didn’t have to keep his guard up, where he could relax and just...be. All these things he felt for her, and one thing that had held him back recently had been a concern that she might not feel the same way.

Now, lying side by side and looking up at the stars, knowing she’d done it for him and that this moment between them was what she considered an escape from her problems, that he might be as much of her escape as she was his...it gave him the sense that maybe, just maybe, she might care for him, too.

He didn’t say anything, though, not yet. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy this as long as it lasted, with her in his arms lying next to him--eventually falling asleep, which he didn’t disrupt considering he now knew how much she needed it--gazing up at the stars in relative silence.

Sometime after she fell asleep, Levi looked down at her, the arm that had been wrapped around her all this time moving just slightly so his hand could reach into her hair, giving it a few soft, gentle strokes.

“Stay with me...I don’t want this to end…” he murmured softly for only him to hear, the stars and moon his only witness as he breathed her in for a moment before lying back down to gaze up at the sky, for once grateful to his insomnia to allow him to stay awake and simply bask in the simplistic beauty of the moment.

*Reader’s POV*

At long last, Levi finally blipped into your world during winter, when there was snow on the ground. You had been waiting years to be able to show him snow for the first time, to get to see his first experience with snow, share it with him…

As soon as you saw him appear in your room, you immediately dropped the pen you were using to write neatly on your scholarship applications and leapt to your feet, grinning widely at him and not even giving him a chance to orient himself in your world before you had your arm hooked around his and you were leading him down the stairs to the front door, where you started throwing winter clothes at him.

"Oh my God you're actually here, your timing is perfect cause right now--well, just put it all on, I don't want to spoil the surprise!" You squealed excitedly, yanking on a hat, gloves, a coat, simply draping the scarf loosely over your neck without wrapping it. You tried to jump in and help Levi get dressed as well so he would move faster, but that only made him grumpy.

"I've got it--I can dress myself, I don't need you to do it for me," he grumbled, shrugging on the flannel coat you'd grabbed for him. It was actually one of your stepfather's many coats, and it utterly dwarfed Levi...considering your stepfather was in the six foot range in height, and Levi…

Well, at least he would be well covered and warm.

Once Levi was well bundled and looking at you with a mixture of impatience and expectancy, you happily flung open the door, about to bound outside before you reminded yourself it was slick outside and you needed to watch your step. You checked yourself, stepping around the icy spots outside your door and hanging back to shut the door so Levi could just focus on the experience.

It was snowing outside. Not only that, but it had been snowing for the past few days, and there was a white blanket over the world at least a foot deep, with icicles hanging from the roof edge and ice patches hidden under the snow making the pathways treacherous.

Levi paused on the porch once he could see what the outside world looked like, with you sliding discreetly behind him to shut the door before too much heat got out of the house, quietly creeping around to his other side to watch him as he walked with slightly widened eyes to the edge of the covered porch, looking at the icicles and reaching out to touch one gingerly, head peeking out from the cover of the porch to look up at the white flurries falling from the sky. His breath fogged in front of him, making him pull back for a second before he looked over at you, watching him excitedly on the porch.

"Snow," he said simply, and you nodded at him exuberantly. You reached out to take his hand, stepping out into the snow and noting how high up to his legs he sank into the snow as he followed behind. You didn't keep a hold of his hand, only grasping it long enough to get him to follow before letting go and allowing him to comfortably walk beside you.

"There's so many things to do and see--its cold, and I honestly hate the cold, but staying warm shouldn't be too much of a problem," you said with a glint in your eyes. You knew the perfect place for sledding, knew somewhere the snow was particularly thick that would serve well for snowmen and snow forts and snowball fights. Maybe it was little kid stuff, but Levi needed the chance to cut loose and be a kid, especially since he never had the snow experience when he was actually a little kid. You might have to spend a bit of money, but you were fine with that, too, your purse slung firmly over your shoulders. You could get a good sled at a nearby store, you could afford some coffee to warm back up and restore some energy after some time outside, and, you had some money for your thoughts on a grand finale for the night.

You'd been scheming this day ever since realizing Levi hadn't seen snow yet, and you were praying he was going to be able to stay for all of it.

"Watch your step--there's ice hidden under the snow on the sidewalks because it's been so cold, so just...be mindful," you warned him, walking with arms out at your side and methodically placed footsteps for a few moments. "I always hate walking in fresh snow--everything looks so clean and pure and pretty that I feel like I'm ruining a beautiful snapshot of nature. Though, we kinda have to walk in it to get where we're going," you said with a guilty note in your voice.

"Couldn't we just take your car?" Levi asked, and you noticed his gaze was now roving over the unblemished patches of snow around you, how it really did seem like a thick and pure blanket fallen over the world.

"Well, this is the more fun, scenic route. Plus it's kinda dangerous to drive in weather like this before they've cleared the roads, especially with the ice underneath.

You could see that his cheeks and his nose were already starting to turn red, and that he'd mimicked how you had your scarf on. Not wanting him to catch a cold--especially because you knew proper medicine was more of a luxury where he lived--you reached over and wrapped the scarf around his face, causing him to pause and give you a blank stare. You coughed, hoping your blush could be passed off as a result of the cold like him.

"Besides, I want to show you this place in the forest. One of my favorite things about when it's cold and snowy like this is what it sometimes does to the plants," you said as if you hadn't just wrapped the scarf around his face, continuing forwards and trudging through the snow in the direction of the nearby park that had the forest trail.

"Why do I feel like you've got this whole thing planned out?"

"Because I do. I've been waiting for you to show up on a snow day for what feels like forever. I can think of six things I want to try and fit into this one day--six!" You shrugged, as if it was still the most casual thing in the world, attempting to adopt his usual indifferent attitude to tease him a bit. "Course, three things we can do at the park alone, so, no big deal," you said with a sniff, flashing him a mischievous smile a heartbeat later.

"And those things are…?"

"Well, we're gonna look at something. Then we're gonna build something. And then we're gonna do something."

Levi snorted. "So informative."

"What? I was more specific: looking, building, doing," you said with a pout before you pointed up at the park just ahead of you. "Besides, we're practically here."

The park itself wasn't the pristine picture the rest of the snowy fields seemed to be--there were remnants of snow sculptures and forts, a few shakily made snowmen, footprints all over the place and snow splattered along the side of equipment. The two of you trudged past that, though, and into the forest that was far less disturbed. No one wanted to be hiking in this weather, except you two crazy teenagers, apparently.

Levi’s fingers brushed against a bush, and looking back you could see that some of the branches and leaves were encapsulated in ice.

"Almost, but I'm looking for something specific," you said cryptically. There was this one tree at a fork in the forest path that you knew would look gorgeous trapped in ice like that, so you were keeping hush hush about it, leading the two of you deeper into the woods like you were the villain in a child's fairytale.

The crunch of snow and the blowing of the wind was the only sound, the icy air cutting at your lungs and making your breathing a little heavier than normal as you trudged uphill, frustrated to hear that Levi didn't seem to be struggling behind you. You didn't understand how, but he appeared to be unbothered by the physical strain, at least for now.

After several minutes of hiking where Levi admired the wintery scenery around the two of you and you navigating, you finally came to your tree.

It was a weeping willow, placed by human hands at the fork in the path for aesthetic scenery purposes. But right now, with the ice covering every branch and leaf in perfect, unclouded clarity like it had been entrapped in glass, branches swaying just slightly in the breeze…

It looked gorgeous.

"My favorite thing about winter isn't all the activities--its how the ice freezes over the trees. I think it's beautiful," you said pensively, your hand cupping beneath some of the willow strands and letting the iced over, draped branches slip through your fingers. "It's like they're frozen in time…"

Levi stood a few feet back, hands in his pockets, breath puffing steadily in front of him as he looked up at the magnificent tree that was 'frozen in time,' his gaze returning to you in time to see you disappearing behind a thick curtain of the iced over branches and leaves. While he couldn't see you, you crouched down and tried to make a snowball as fast as you could, catching a glimpse of him moving to join you under the tree, which caused you to giggle and take a step or two back, your hastily made snowball hidden behind your back.

As soon as he stepped into the shelter of the tree, you practically slapped the snowball into his neck with the close range you were at, acting before you could doubt yourself, shrieking maniacally as your dipped your hand into the snow for another one, heart pounding at what you'd just initiated.

"What the f--"

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!" you shrieked, tossing another one at him that splattered harmlessly against his side. You attempted to flee, trying to scoop up more snow as you darted out from under the willow, whipping around to see Levi already had one in his hand. You flung instinctively, the shot sailing harmlessly over his shoulder and causing you to shriek again as he tossed his at you in retaliation, the snowball hitting squarely in the center of your chest.

"You brat!"

"I got you, admit it! Take tha--shit!"

"Like this is a fight you can win!"

"I missed again? Wait, fuck, no, stop, I'm a terrible shot--ack!"

"You asked for it!"

"I've made a terrible mistake, have mercy--EEK!"

"HAH!"

"I surrender, uncle, uncle, I give, stop!"

The snowball fight had quickly turned into a snowball execution, Levi pelting you with snowballs with that ridiculous speed and wicked aim of his while your shots kept going wide and missing him while you tried in vain to run from him, ending with you laughing and shrieking, hunched over and taking a few more snowballs before Levi finally stopped. You peeked your head up warily...and he crushed one last snowball atop your head, making you do a cold shiver dance as snow slipped down inside your shirt.

"There...I think that's a lesson learned," Levi was saying smugly, watching you do the cold dance with a smirk on his face. He looked flushed though--you doubted from exertion, most likely from the cold.

"How about we do something less competitive--like make a snowman? At least one? And then we can go sledding. We can take a break after that, I know a coffee shot that should still be open."

"As long as you don't make any more sad excuses at that snowball assault," Levi teased you, and you pouted, which only made him chuckle.

He was smiling and laughing, though. And seeing snow for the first time. This day was already a win for you. Now you just needed to try and get to the end of your list of what you wanted to try with him before he went back. Who knew if the snow would still be here when he came back again?

The snowman building and the sledding didn't last as long as you might have thought they would. The snowman you two made by the willow tree was more of a monument to the fact the two of you had been there, complete with you wrapping your scarf around the snowman's 'neck' as a finishing touch, since it wasn't doing much in the way of warming you up draped loosely around your neck like that.

The sledding had been fun at first, trying desperately to guide the inflatable inner tube you'd bought at the nearest store down a steep hill before trudging all the way back up got tiring fast for you. The final straw, though, had come when you made a ramp from the snow, managed to hit it on your way down, and then promptly fell off the inner tube midair, causing you and Levi to go flying in different directions through the air with no soft landings. You were dazed after that, and Levi declared it the end of the sledding part of the day, demanding you move on to the next thing. Besides, it was getting dark, so you were running out of time to do what you wanted to.

Little did he know…

After your annihilation with the sled, you'd guided Levi towards a coffee shop while nursing an ache in your head and shoulders where you'd slammed your body against the ground, still a little dazed. You were both flushed from the cold and tired at this point, so the burst of warm air was extremely refreshing.

Levi looked around the little shop with a critical eye while you stomped snow off at the entrance mat, rubbing your hands together for added warmth. "You haven't had coffee before, have you?"

"Never heard of it."

You gasped dramatically. "You don't have coffee where you're from? Oh the humanity!" He rolled his eyes at your antics, and you walked forward towards the counter. "Well, it's a hot drink, kind of like hot chocolate or tea...but also much different. Its good for waking up or staying warm, and it can be made in all sorts of different ways. In fact, what kind of stuff do you usually drink? Besides water?"

Levi shrugged. "Tea."

"Any kind of tea in particular? Herbal, black, white, green, fruit? Do you add lemon, or sugar, or milk, or anything like that?"

Levi looked away, like something you'd said bothered him, though you couldn't pinpoint what. "Plain. I drink my tea plain. I do prefer black tea, when I can get it."

"Okay, black tea...strong, bold, dark, maybe with a bit of a nutty taste or malty...I know espresso is a different beast, but you might want something with more espresso...maybe a nut flavoring to help balance out the bitter without getting too sweet...You're not big on sweet things, right?"

Levi shook his head. "I don't get many sweet things where I live."

You nodded, chewing your lip. "Okay, so...toffee nut might be too sweet, so...either a hazelnut latte with an extra shot of espresso, or a hazelnut americano."

"What's the difference?"

"One is made with milk, the other with hot water. I mean, maybe if you were more used to coffee I'd say go with the americano, cause there's not many other flavors to block out the overpowering taste of the espresso, but the latte I feel like has more that balances it all out."

"I didn't realize picking a damn drink was such a project."

"Like you don't fuss over your tea with the leaves and water temperature and extra flavorings."

"...Tch."

"But also the americano might be closer to tea--"

"Just get me the damn latte and be done with it," he groaned, cutting you off before you could spiral further in these circles.

"Fine, fine, go find a table for us and I'll get the coffees," you said in a semi defensive voice that had the hint of a laugh at the end with how exasperated he sounded. He wandered off towards the back to a two person table by the window, taking the seat with his back against the wall so he could see the whole room and you as you went to the counter, ordering his hazelnut latte and your own coffee, as well as two fresh rolls. You waited patiently for your order, which didn't take too long because there weren't many people out and about right now in this weather--plus, this was officially dark enough the streetlights were turning on.

Taking the seat across from him, you placed the latte in front of him and reached into the little bag you brought with you, breaking apart the two rolls and holding one out to him. “Here--I figured something to actually eat would be good, too,” you said cheerfully.

For some reason, Levi hesitated for a brief second, fingers hovering over the roll before starting to retract, eyes a little unfocused before he took the roll from you. Strange, why that was a thing, but you brushed it off in favor of drinking from your cup of chosen coffee, cupping both hands around the cup to help you warm up.

“We can warm up in here for a while before heading back outside. It’s only going to get colder as night settles in.”

“This is one of those six things you wanted to do, right? Get coffee?” Levi asked, hands on the cup he had yet to drink from, allowing it to warm up his bare fingers. Actually, looking at the window you could see some spots on the window where condensation had been wiped away on the inside, along the edge of the frost that was creeping along the outside of the window. Had he been tracing the ice while he waited for you?

“It is, yeah.”

“It’s going to be dark, then, by the time we get to the sixth thing. Was that intentional?”

You nodded. “There’ll be far less people there if we go later when it’s dark out. Plus, I think it’ll be prettier.”

“Are you going to tell me what the last thing is?”

“Nope. You’ll have to wait and see.”

Levi scowled, finally taking a sip from the coffee you’d chosen for him. He made a face at the first taste, and for a moment, you were worried he wasn’t going to like it and would set it right back down. He took another sip, though, and he wasn’t neglecting the cup. He didn’t seem to think it was the best thing in the world, but at least he was drinking it.

He was probably going to stick to tea, though, based on that expression.

“Well, what do you think so far?” you asked him after the two of you sat in silence for several minutes, nursing your coffees and letting yourselves warm up while you nibbled on your respective bread rolls.

“About the snow?” When you didn’t correct him, he looked back outside the window. It was still snowing, but much lighter than it had been before--like light flurries, or something out of a Christmas movie. The snowflakes that hit the window evaporated almost instantly, revealing it had turned into the kind of snow that didn’t stick. “It’s nice.”

You gave a pleased smile and took another sip from your cup, glad that so far your little endeavor to make snow and winter a positive experience for him had worked, despite the little hiccups along the way like falling off the sled and coffee apparently not being his thing. At least he’d been willing to give it a try, though.

For the most part, the two of you sat in companionable silence, Levi asking the occasional question about the piano and what you were learning or pieces he was learning, and even giving you a tentative question about how the whole college thing was panning out. It was still stressful, and as you’d said before, your...situation, or rather the people around you, were only making it so much harder for you and really getting under your skin about it all. But Levi’s words from last time were something you were clinging to in order to help you push through these last few months before you would graduate high school and you could finally get out of here.

Just another one of the many reasons you were glad to have him in your life. You wished he could stay with you, that you could keep him here. His life in his world didn’t sound pleasant at all, and you knew he’d already been through some dark things. Maybe if he was here, he could have a better life, things would be easier for him.

And...and maybe he’d choose to spend it with you.

You were blushing at the thought, and you panicked slightly when you remembered you weren’t outside, you were warm inside, and there was no biting cold to blame on the flush in your cheeks. Finishing the cup of coffee with a rather painful swallow, you started gathering up your things, glancing out the window to see the sun had fully set and darkness had taken over the sky.

“We should probably get going. Yeah, night might be the better time to go, but if we wait too long you might blip back, or they might close, so…” you said quickly, getting to your feet and tucking hair into your hat as a way to hide the fact that you were rubbing your cheeks in a weird hope that it would make the flush go away, or maybe give you an excuse. Levi was still giving you an odd look, though, his eyebrows raised, but he got up without commenting on the blush.

Aw jeez, what if he saw, though? He was so damn observant. And what if he already knew? What if he already knew that you’d been sneaking glances of him the past year or so that he’d come to visit you? What if he knew you were starting to look for excuses to reach out and touch him, even for a moment? What if he knew that part of the reason you buried your face in his chest whenever you two hugged or were curled close together--whether it was on the hood of a car or on the couch watching a show--was to hide the furious burn in your cheeks, and to let you simply breathe him in for a few moments? What if he knew that the times that he tended to blip through into your world was when you wanted nothing more than to be around him, when you desperately wanted a friend and needed someone there to be a steady presence to help you get back on your feet, or provide a comfort that didn’t feel invasive or demanding on how you should bounce back or how you should be feeling. What if he knew your heart had started skipping a beat when he looked at you like that with those sharp steel blue eyes, his hair falling in his face…

Ah, snap out of it, stop stop stop! You’re friends! Who knows if he even thinks of you that way, just...uhg, this isn’t about you, this is about him, this is his first snow, just...just focus on that right now, you can puzzle over your feelings after he’s left alone in bed throwing out your frustrated complaints about how you don’t know how to talk to people you like into your pillow like you usually do. Later. After this. Focus, the night’s almost over, and he probably won’t be here much longer today, anyway.

Having given yourself a mental berating over the direction of your thoughts, you focused back on the present with a quick huff, straightening up and leading the charge back out into the cold snow, Levi walking leisurely at your side as usual. It was a longer walk than any you’d done so far, and you were taking him in a direction that you hadn’t taken him before. He wasn’t around a lot in the winter time, obviously, so he didn’t get to see this little hobby of yours. Well, maybe not even a hobby, more like a winter pastime. You were far from a professional or enthusiast. It was just something you liked to do on occasion when it was cold, and you were hoping that it was something that he would find enjoyable as well.

It was a simple setup, one that matched the smaller town you were in, with a regular clear plastic half-wall lining the edge, plain Christmas lights crisscrossing over the walled off area several feet into the air and anchored to the poles along the outside, or to the small booth that served as the entrance fee area and the place to get rental skates, if there were enough. Benches lined the outside of the wall, places for spectators to watch or people to put on their ice skates, and the small outdoor ice rink itself was well lit, the ice appearing to glitter between the starlight, Christmas lights, and the lightly falling snow.

There were a few people, but since it was getting dark and the weather was getting colder--it was already below freezing--most people had left or were in the process of leaving as you went to the booth, paying the entrance fee for two teenagers and getting your shoe size, then having an awkward few moments where you got to try and figure out what shoe size Levi was before you finally managed to get a pair that looked like it would fit him, passing his ice skates to him even though you still hadn’t given him an explanation about what you were doing.

You sat down together on a bench near one of the entrances to the rink, and Levi followed suit when you started taking off your shoes and putting the ice skates on in turn.

“Considering you’ve been stupidly good at anything like this so far, I sort of expect you to get the hang of this fairly quickly, but...this is called ice skating,” you explained in a low tone so no one would hear you explaining what this was to him. “It’s all about balance and such--balance on the blades on your feet, center of balance, that kind of thing. It might take a bit to get used to, but once you do, you’ll be skating along in no time. It's something I like to do in the winter, and I thought you might enjoy it, too.”

You finished strapping the skates on, getting to your feet and taking a few careful steps since you were still on concrete until you were standing in front of Levi, holding your hands out for him to take. “Here--just focus on standing and getting used to balancing on the blades, first,” you told him, pulling him up to his feet and letting him stand in front of you for a few moments, holding tightly to his hands as he wobbled slightly, feet moving from side to side experimentally, picking up one foot and attempting to keep his balance on the other, simply feeling it out for a few seconds while you held him securely in place.

His hands are warm...rough and calloused...but warm...

After he seemed to get his balance, you walked backwards to bring Levi forwards into the ice rink, making sure he kept his balance despite the awkward steps until you reached the smooth ice that the skates were meant for. The slicing sound of the skate blade against the ice felt right to your ears, and you gave Levi a moment to adjust to the terrain, shifting so that you were standing beside him on the ice instead of in front of him, holding one of his hands.

The remaining skating group seemed to decide they didn’t want to risk crashing into the new skater in the small rink and left, meaning it was just the two of you in the rink as you taught Levi how to push off with the blades, how to turn, how to stop without face planting into the ice. It was much faster than most people learned, but it was still slower than you expected. He just seemed to be a natural at so many things, it was almost weird watching him have to progress through figuring out how to ice skate.

Then again, you were teaching him piano, as well, so it wasn’t entirely something new. Maybe it was just the fact he always seemed to be magically gifted when it came to anything physical or something that had to do with aim, accuracy, speed…

With just the two of you, the rink was pretty quiet. There were your voices, of course, with you encouraging him and explaining what you showed him on how to do this or that on the skates, how to speed up and slow down, how to do a hard and sudden stop (again, without face planting). Levi occasionally made a few quips or grumbles, though none of it was mean spirited. He seemed focused on what you were showing him, and he was learning it fairly quickly. You might even dare to say he was having fun.

The other sounds were the slicing of your skates against the ice, and the music playing over loudspeakers on the poles for patrons to skate to if they wanted to. The man running the booth wasn’t even paying attention to the two of you, he was watching tv on a tiny screen you could barely see through the window in the booth, meaning that for now, it was just the two of you, despite the normally public setting.

Once Levi had his balance and he was able to skate on his own, namely in a circle, considering you hadn’t taught him any tricks yet since you were rather focused on...just skate, you let his hand go, albeit reluctantly. Still, it would allow him to get comfortable in the skates and skate on his own without leaning on you like a crutch--and the entire thing would be much more enjoyable for him if he could do it on his own without your help.

Once you were no longer teaching him the basics, you took off to go at your normal speed, skating fairly quickly around the rink, getting the feel for being in the skates again--figure skates, mind you. You liked trying to pull off tricks, and you liked trying to time them to the music. You weren’t an Olympic figure skater, but you could do some basic tricks. Not only was it something that you liked doing and that gave you a degree of accomplishment, but it was also a moment to let yourself shine and show off a bit around Levi.

Closing your eyes, you simply felt the movement, the feel of the breeze created by your movement against your face, gravity acting on your body as you leaned this way or that for a turn. You listened to the music, getting a feel for the beat and the pace before you started adjusting to try and match the music. When the beat dropped, you attempted a leap and spin--just a quick one, landing a little shakily because it had been a while since you’d done this, but still sticking the landing for the most part. Smiling slightly to yourself, you did it again with the next beat drop, the landing going much smoother. You did a few simple movements as well as a few balancing attempts--skating on one foot was a little tricky and required quite a bit of balance, but you could do it--not that you let your foot go too far off the ground--you weren’t trying to form two right angles with your legs and upper body, you had a slight fear of losing your balance forward and causing a bad accident trying to pull that off. It was simple leg up stuff that you tried. And as long as you were paying attention, eyes open and alert to your surroundings, you could skate backwards, too--which you did. It was at that point that you turned to see Levi watching you while you were skating, an intensity in his expression you hadn’t been expecting. You blushed slightly to catch him staring at you, then gave him a smile, a wave, and you turned back around to do a nonchalant figure eight down the center, cutting across to the other side, doing a little spin before you came to skate beside him.

“So, what do you think?” you asked him warmly, skating casually beside him for the time being, staying on the inside so you were the one making the tighter turns.

“Think you could show me some of those tricks?” he asked, eyes down and directed towards your skates. You chuckled, lifting one of your legs just slightly off the ice and unsurprised to find him mirroring your movements. He was a little wobbly at first, just like when he’d stood up, but he quickly evened out, and he even was able to lean into the turns without crashing. “I’d say wait for the harder ones like leaping spins until you’re a bit more experienced with the skates. Maybe just stick to movements and patterns. Lifting a leg, figure eights, skating backwards, that kind of thing.”

“What, you think that little of me?”

You snorted. “On the contrary, you have a gift for learning these kinds of things. I’m actually pretty envious how easily everything seems to come to you.”

“Not everything,” he mumbled, and you thought you saw his cheeks were flushed again. Though maybe it was the cold. It was far below freezing at this point, and the two of you were skating around, that freezing air blowing on your exposed skin in an almost cutting manner. You hadn’t really noticed that much, though. “Skating backwards shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

While you had expected him to try it, you hadn’t expected him to try it right at that very moment as he was skating beside you. His hand suddenly grasped your arm, and he did a hard turn like he’d seen you do a few times for your tricks, coming to a slightly wobbly stop--not a full stop, you were both still moving--directly in front of you, one of his feet planted between your legs and the other on the outside. He was, for the moment, skating backwards.

“It’s gonna be inverted, remember? So instead of leaning--”

“I know,” he said with a huff, glancing behind him and leaning in a mirror of the direction you moved to turn with the curve of the small rink, his grip on your arm tightening slightly and his gaze down at your feet to make sure you two didn’t get tangled up in one another.

You went around the rink like this once...twice...eventually he stopped looking at the turns behind him or the skates below, his grip on your arm going lower...lower...closer to your hand...his eyes focused solely on you as you strangely enough took over guiding the two of you in nonchalant circles around the rink, feeling that gaze of his making your cheeks burn until, after a turn into the longer stretch of ice, you turned to look at him and ask what he was staring at.

He kissed you.

There was no warning. You hardly had time to turn your head to face him before his lips were against yours. His lips were cold because of the weather, maybe a little dry as well, but just like his hands, despite the rough and cold outer appearance, it was...soft. Hesitant, even, like he might pull away at the first sign of discomfort. You sucked in a sharp breath in surprise, feeling yourself lean into him, start to put more weight on him as you kissed him back just as hesitantly.

You were both frozen like that for a few moments, cold lips pressed together, timid and unsure about what to do, neither of you having done this before and knowing what came next. But despite the freezing temperature and dry lips, it was still warm--or, it caused a warm feeling in your chest, a nervous and overeager squirm in your belly as your mind started to work again and all these thoughts started to crash down on you, realization of what this meant, what it could mean, that this was your first kiss, that Levi was kissing you, holding you a little closer to him. After that initial freeze, you both tried to keep going, the inexperience showing but neither of you wanting to pull away. If anything, you leaned into him a bit more, lips moving against his in the way you thought they were supposed to, his attempting to follow in kind. As if to help guide both of you, his hand reached up to brush his knuckles carefully against your cheek, your head tilting slightly to the side in a reaction to the touch.

He felt warm. He felt comfortable. He felt inviting--like you belonged here, right here with him, stumbling through figuring out what came next, with him holding tight to you to help keep you steady when you started to shake, and you there to return the favor.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, and you felt breathless, felt your knees start to shake, the skates wobbling beneath you as Levi started to pull away, just as gently as he came in for the kiss. Your eyes, squeezed shut a few moments ago as if that could help freeze the moment in time like the branches on the willow, started to open.

The presence you were leaning into in front of you suddenly disappeared, and with the amount of weight you’d been putting forward, you lost your balance, falling hard onto the ice with a skidding slide, palms burning against the cold ice as you pushed up onto your elbows, looking around in bewilderment.

And then you just...stayed there. Just sat there. Completely alone in the skating rink. No one around to so much as witness what had happened, or confirmed it was real.

No Levi.

Just you.

Alone.

Alone on the ice before you could even release the breath you’d been holding.

*Levi’s POV*

Levi opened his eyes not to the chilling air and the bright lights both from the stairs and the strings of lights above, not to Y/N’s face aglow in that light, that blush in her cheeks that she’d kept trying to brush off as the cold despite her lingering touches, no lightly falling snow that left wet drops like dew on her cheeks, nose, and forehead. He was alone in the silence of the Underground, lying stretched out on a couch with an arm behind his head under a pillow, staring up at the dark ceiling of his current place of residence.

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to will himself back to that moment, feeling a bubbling anger rising in his chest. Nothing was happening. He couldn’t smell the fresh air, couldn’t hear the faint music, couldn’t feel her hand against his arm or her lips against his, couldn’t feel the unsteady weight of having those blades under his feet. He held his breath, eyes shut as tight as he could, trying so damn hard to get back there.

But nothing changed. Even though there was nowhere he wanted to be more right now.

Levi opened his eyes slightly, peering at the ceiling without really seeing it, hand stretching out in front of him like he was reaching out to that mental image of the girl running ahead of him, just out of reach even as he stretched, tried to grab onto her even as she slipped through his fingers like smoke, far out of his reach.

Levi’s outstretched hand turned into a fist, and he slammed it against the wall the couch was pushed up against, hearing something crack. “Shit!”

It had been so perfect. He’d been watching her the whole time, watching her move so gracefully and freely, so confident and just so...so...beautiful. And she didn’t seem to even realize that was how he saw her. Didn’t seem to realize just how much she was worth to him. He couldn’t help himself--he hadn’t even realized what he was doing until his lips were on hers. But it had still felt so right in that moment, in that single, fleeting, perfect moment.

And now he was right back here. All over again. He didn’t even get the chance to open his eyes and see her reaction, and it pissed him off. Now he had to wait, and he hated the thought. Anger and frustration bubbled right to the surface as he got up off the couch, unable to sit still as he got to his feet with a dark, sulking look on his face at how robbed he felt right now.

Though there was also a tiny part of him that was scared because he hadn’t been able to see her reaction. Especially now that he’d just disappeared on her.

He didn’t know how long he could wait--he knew he’d have to, but it had to come eventually. He’d go back soon, surely, and he could see her then, he could try to figure out what that kiss was to her when he went back, what it meant for them. Even if part of him was nervous to know how she was going to take it, even if he had no idea what this meant for them, fuck, he had to know, and he couldn’t stand to wait another hour!

What Levi didn’t know at the time...was that it would be years before he ever saw her again.

Next Chapter---->

(Strikethroughs Couldn’t Be Tagged)

Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea @hauntedhousecat @peaches-and-clouds

Through The Looking Glass Tags: @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie @tartheyes @super-peace-fangirl @huntersbunker @nefelimalfoy @soft-levi-girl-blog @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal @sugas-daddy7 @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid @roayaloveslife @sanrioclit @wvnderfvllyalvne @sparkling-gayyyy @do-not-feed-sugar

57 notes · View notes

captainscanadian · 4 years

Text

Exception | Carter Baizen x Reader (Part 9) - FINALE

My Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Summary: What goes around comes around.

Word Count: 3700+

Pairing: CEO!Carter Baizen x Lawyer!Reader, Carter Eleanor Lydia Baizen x OMC Christian Shepherd

Warnings: Pregnancy, Morning Sickness, Mentions of alcohol and prostitutes

A/N: This is my entry for @baezen‘s writing challenge. Shout out to @franksufferbuddy @propertyofpoeandbucky and @tinymalscoffee for being the reason why I even finished this fic. They were all so motivating! <3 But this is it, folks! It’s over! I finished another fic.

To say that the summer of 2020 had been a whirlwind would be an understatement. From your father’s sudden hospitalization that prompted your return to the Upper East Side, to your reunion with Carter Baizen and his unfortunate accident that led to your daughter’s arrival in New York City, to your rushed wedding… things had happened so fast that they seemed too good to be true.

A perfectly happy ending that you did not think you deserved until you were reminded that not everyone was perfect. Your parents weren’t perfect in the way they had raised you, Gregory and Lydia weren’t perfect in the way that they had raised Carter, and you and Carter weren’t any different. The two of you had never been perfect. But you had made your worst mistakes, learned your hardest lessons and now you would move forward with your lives and try to be the best parents you could possibly be to your daughter.

“Alright, she said she needs a few more minutes to get ready.” Annalise announced as she exited your daughter’s bedroom and jogged down the stairs. “How are you two feeling?”

As you stood at the bottom of the stairs with your arms crossed against your chest, you shook your head. “Annalise, I’m fine… I’ve seen her in school uniform before.” You reminded her with a sigh, turning over to look at your husband who looked as though he was holding back his tears even before your daughter had even walked out wearing her new uniform.

“But you haven’t seen her in Constance uniform.”

“I’m starting to think that the three of you are making way too big a deal about this.” You shook your head. “Constance is not a big deal, you know? She got in because she had good grades, there was no surprise there. She’s going there because she earned her place there and we’re not treating her any differently because she got in.” After all, humility was the one thing you wanted to teach your daughter even before she had arrived in the Upper East Side. “It’s just a plaid skirt and a white button-up blouse, for crying out loud.”

“Our daughter going off to Constance is a big deal, Y/N.” Carter pointed out as he rested his head against your shoulder. “It’s not about the uniform. It’s about the legacy. You went to Constance, my sister went to Constance, our parents and grandparents went to Constance. It’s about the legacy that Carter’s about to uphold. You know how this works. Going to Constance means that she’s now officially a part of the Upper East Side and… she’s inevitably a part of our legacy here.”

You nudged him away before rolling your eyes. “Come on, Carter. We’ve been saying that all summer. Yes, she is our legacy but… she doesn’t have to feel the pressures of it. That kind of pressure at that age doesn’t do anyone any good and you and I know better than anyone else… what the kind of pressure does to you when you’re young..”

“Are you saying that you don’t want her going to Constance then?” He asked as he looked over at you, biting down on his bottom lip as he realized that you must have had your own anxieties when it came to letting your daughter run loose in the Upper East Side. As any mother should, especially when you had been through what you had been through when you had been a teenager yourself. Raising a teenage daughter in this hell hole was not going to be a walk in the park. “Y/N, talk to me…”

“Carter, you know that’s not what I mean…” You shook your head before wrapping your arms around him. “I have no problem with her going to Constance. It’s just that… her world is about to change so drastically once she starts school here. The rich kids in London are not the same as the rich kids in New York, you know? I don’t want her to go into a culture shock when she realizes how wild the kids at Constance and St. Jude’s really are. I know how she is and I trust her. But I can’t say the same about the kids who… weren’t raised the same way I raised her. You know, I’ve done a lot of stupid shit because of peer pressure and I don’t want that for her.”

Pulling you into a tight hug, he nodded understandingly. “Hey… I know what you mean. You worry about her because you’re a good mother. But she’s just a kid, Y/N. She is going to be exposed to the things that we were exposed to when we were kids. She’s going to make mistakes and we’re going to let her figure out the kind of person she wants to be. But you need to understand that she’s not going to make the same mistakes we made, because we’re here for her. We’re going to be here for her for as long as she needs us to. You raised her well, Y/N. Perhaps you should trust your good parenting like I do.”

You chuckled softly at his last words before you pulled back from his embrace. “I never would have thought that Carter Baizen would be such a good father. But you seem to be doing much better at this parenting game than I am…” You admitted, leaning over to peck his lips. “I’m glad you’re a part of her life, Carter. She needed her father.”

“Getting to be a dad was the best thing that happened to me, Y/N.” He admitted. “Us being a family, living right here in the Upper East Side of Manhattan where we grew up, our daughter going off to Constance… all of this feels right, like this is where we’ve always belonged, no matter how far we run away. This is home, this is us… and this was always how it was supposed to be.”

You could not help but agree with that. This was always how things were supposed to be. You and Carter are married, your family businesses merged and your children attending Constance and St. Jude’s. “Think you can give her a ride to school on your way to the office?” You asked your husband, smiling in contentment.

Carter nodded. “I can do that.” He replied, raising his eyebrow at you. “Why, babe? Are you not coming into the office today?”

You shook your head. “I have to tie up some loose ends with the firm back in London.” You replied, shrugging. “I’ve still got a bit of lawyering to do for the day.”

“Lawyering… right.” He rolled his eyes. “Oh and before I forget, you still owe me a date, remember?”

You raised your eyebrow at his words. “Do I? I mean, forgive me for going against our deal, Mr. Baizen. But if I remember correctly, you clearly said to me that me going on a date with you would mean that you would back out from the offer to merge our companies. Now that the merger’s well under way, I guess that pretty much means that I no longer owe you a date, right?”

He shook his head at your words before laughing softly. “You really are a good lawyer, aren’t you?”

“I can’t believe it took you this long to realize that.”

As Carter Eleanor Lydia Baizen stood in front of the floor length mirror in her walk-in closet, she could not help but admire how she looked exactly like the younger version of her mother - just as everybody had been telling her ever since she arrived in New York. She had heard from her grandparents and Annalise that she was Y/N with Carter’s eyes, and as she looked at her reflection now, she started to see it too. She really was the best of her parents.

Growing up without a father was not an easy thing for any young child. But knowing who her father was and still not being able to see him had been the hardest. When she had first asked you about her father, she had only been taken over by her own curiosity. She simply just wanted some answers to the unanswered questions about her life. But she had felt comfortable enough to ask you about him because you had raised her to be open and trusting with you. She had seen you as her closest friend rather than a mother, thanks to you being a young mother.

You did not feel the need to hide the truth about Carter because you knew she needed to know at some point. Telling her that her father’s name was Carter Baizen and that he had been her best friend in the Upper East Side of New York City seemed to be more than enough. You hadn’t told her of the past that you had shared with him. You hadn’t told her about the mistakes you had made. The partying, the underage drinking, the drugs and the truly opulent wealth… you had kept it from her for the sake of protecting from the harsh reality of the Upper East Side.

Perhaps that was why she was extremely nervous about starting at a new school in a new city. Having attended boarding school back in London, Carter Eleanor never had a problem making new friends. As no one really knew who she was, she had found it much easier to get along with people. But in a world where everyone knew her parents, she felt that she had quite the reputation to live up to. Boy, if she only knew…

As she made her way down to see you and Carter standing at the bottom of the stairs, she could not help but smile nervously. “How do I look?” She asked, fixing the collar of her shirt as she swung her Birkin bag over her shoulder - a back to school present from her doting aunt.

“Like a true Upper East Side ‘It Girl’.” You replied with a grin, making your husband look over at you in disbelief. “What? It’s true.”

“You look like a princess, baby girl.” He agreed, his eyes glazing over at the sight of her in her uniform. He had hoped to keep his tears to himself, but failed miserably at the sight of how much she resembled your younger self. “Like my princess.”

“Thanks, dad.” She smiled, pulling him into a tight hug.

You watched in awe as the two of them hugged, a part of you regretting having kept your daughter away from her father for as long as you had. But you knew that bringing her back to Manhattan had been the right thing to do. She seemed a lot happier here than she was back in London, making the most out of being in her father’s presence, having weekly shopping trips to Fifth Avenue with her Aunt Caroline and taking up an internship at the New York Spectator for the next summer at her Uncle Nate’s insistence. She really did belong in New York.

With your Carters leaving for the house for the day, you found yourself crouching down to the tiled floor of your bathroom and emptying the contents of your breakfast into the toilet. At first you had assumed that it must have been indigestion. But you weren’t a complete idiot. You had been tracking your cycle ever since you had gotten rid of your IUD and you hadn’t missed your period once… not until now.

Annalise Rosetti was a very observant and well-prepared woman, so she had bought you a handful of pregnancy tests the moment she learned that you had gotten your IUD removed. The thought that you were considered having more children, that too with Carter of all people, had been delightful to the woman who had been there during every step of your relationship with him.

When she heard you gagging in your bathroom, she had rushed to your aide. “Miss. Y/N?”

“Call Carter.” You told her as you flushed the toilet and gargled your mouth, splashing some cold water on your face as your eyes glazed over. “Tell him to cancel his meetings and come home right now. I need him here.”

As you looked up at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, you could not help but feel the sense of deja vu that was lingering around your bathroom. In this same bathroom fifteen years ago, you had taken a pregnancy test that had come out positive. Feeling lost and confused at the age of seventeen, fearing that Carter might end your relationship if he ever found out, you had discarded the test and boarded your family’s private jet to Santorini.

Had you told Carter the truth that night, your life would have turned out to be so different now. Perhaps this time around, you could do things right. Have Carter be a part of this pregnancy every step of the way. If you were going to take the test now, then you knew that you needed your husband right there with you. Keeping your pregnancy from him once had cost you fifteen years, and you were not going to make that mistake once again.

When Carter Baizen had gotten that panic-stricken phone call from Annalise that morning, he had certainly gotten worried - his first thought had been that he had seen you that morning and you seemed fine when you sent him off to work. The woman hadn’t disclosed the reason why you needed him home so soon, but he wasn’t going to question it either. If you needed him home, then he would just drop everything he was doing at the office and drive back home.

Worried as he arrived at the penthouse, he had rushed over to your bedroom the moment he stepped out of the elevator. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, he had found you crouched down by the toilet. “Y/N?” He called out to you, the concern clearly evident in his voice. “Babe, are you okay?”

You looked up at him, the tears streaming down your face as you tried to fight the nausea. “Carter… I-I don’t feel too good.” You told him, holding your hand out.

Carter was quick to crouch down beside you, pulling your hair out of your face and rubbing your back. “Are you alright? Do you want me to call for the doctor?”

You shook your head as you grabbed onto his arm, finally getting off of the floor and walking towards the sink. “Carter…” You wiped away your tears and turned on the water, gargling your mouth. “I’ll be fine…”

“Y/N? What’s going on?” He frowned at the sight of you, but hugged you from behind as he worried. “Babe, talk to me.”

“I think I’m pregnant.” You replied, looking up at him. “I’ve been tracking my cycle since I got my IUD removed and… I haven’t had my period. Annalise thought that I should take a test, but I just… I wanted you here.” Turning around to face him, you sniffled. “I wanted you to be a part of this pregnancy, every step of the way.”

A smile crept upon his lips as he heard your words, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as he tightened his grip around you and rested his chin against your shoulder. “Oh darling…” His hands gently caressed your belly as he looked over at your reflection in the mirror.

The mere thought that you wanted him to be a part of every single step in this pregnancy made Carter realize that he had finally redeemed himself in front of your eyes. From being the man whom you had loathed the most in this world to being the love of your life as he was always meant to be, he knew that you had always been the one who would get him out of his guilt. He was not proud of who he used to be back then, and he had always believed that being stripped of knowing his firstborn had been the price he had to pay for being so awful. But now, knowing that he would get to spend the rest of his life as your husband and the father of your children, knowing that it was what you wanted, none of the riches of the Upper East Side could ever hold up to that.

“I couldn't do it without you.”

He knew exactly what you meant by that, which was probably why he found himself tearing up. His own mistakes had been the reason why you had walked away from him, and the pain you must have felt when you had to do everything on your own, he could never imagine how you could have done it. He may not have had the privilege to be there back then, but he knew that he had to be here now.

“You don’t have to.” Carter had assured you. “I’m not going anywhere and I’m not letting you do anything stupid, you hear me? We’re doing this and we’re doing it together, just like we always used to do things since we were kids.”

“Carter Baizen?! You're named after a legend!”

“Carter Baizen and Y/N Y/L/N set the standards for being the ‘it couple’ around here!”

“None of us could ever live up to Y/N Y/L/N!”

“You’re the secret love child of Y/N and Carter Baizen?”

Not that Carter Eleanor had ever expected to find out about her parents’ udying reputation during her first day at Constance Billard School for Girls or anything. Her existence in itself was a reminder that her parents had been quite wild during their teenage years. But the extent of their influence in that school that seemed to have lasted more than fifteen years seemed just as commendable as it was a concern to that poor unexpecting child.

Before she even set foot into her homeroom class, Headmistress Queller had made it known that her parents had been some of the worst behaved pupils she’d had during her career - here’s to hoping that she won’t live up to that legacy. Not the best start to the next four years, your daughter had thought, at least until she arrived at homeroom.

Hearing her name being called during the attendance call had only sparked the interest of her classmates. Carter had never been ashamed to be named after her father. After all, it made her feel as though the man had always been a part of her life despite not actually being there until very recently. God, she wished someone would have told her that Carter Baizen was a legend - she’d had no clue until it was lunchtime, and she’d had a mob of upper year students from both Constance and St. Jude’s crowding around her table saying things about the so-called legend that she was apparently named after.

“Uh… not really a secret since I’m here right now and not really a love child anymore now that they’re married?” She pointed out with a shrug of her shoulders, making a mental note to sit her parents down for a good scolding when she got home that night. “I’m kind of… very legitimate here, folks.”

“You know, your dad invented the Lost Weekend, right?” One of the St. Jude’s boys who had introduced himself as Christian Shepherd mused. “He’s like a total legend around here.”

Not that she had been paying attention to anyone else’s names, but she thought that one was cute. “The Lost Weekend?” She raised her eyebrow slightly, curious about her father’s reputation at his high school.

“It’s kind of like a tradition around St. Jude’s. The juniors get together for a weekend and we stay away from the outside world. We drink, we party, we have fun.” He explained, his lips curling into a smirk. “No girls allowed though.”

“Not that I’d ever want to be a part of something like that…” She shook her head. “No offense to those of you who want to be going to that party. But fifteen years from now, it’ll all seem pointless. Believe me, I would know.”

“I’ll be hosting this year’s Lost Weekend at my place. I’ll be providing the food, the drinks, the girls… and everyone practices what I preach during those forty eight hours.” He pointed out once again. “I’d hate to say it the way it is, beautiful. But your father would be so disappointed to know that you’re not keen on having his legacy live on.”

“Hm…” Perhaps it was the fact that she was Carter Baizen’s daughter, but she knew a wannabe bad boy when she saw one. “So, you think that throwing some stupid party and bribing your classmates with alcohol and hookers would be enough to make everyone practice what you preach?”

“What more could they ask for?” The boy asked, the smirk on his lips not even fading as he was being challenged by a freshman. He was only letting her speak because she was Carter Baizen’s daughter. “I do appreciate some suggestions for improvement though, if you had any. Surely, being the daughter of Carter Baizen means that you could enlighten me on what makes a good Lost Weekend.”

“Oh no, I want no part in that party of yours or what it means to the boys of St. Jude’s. But if you’re really naive enough to think that hosting this party is a rite of passage… then suit yourself. I’m not going to stop you.” She wanted to laugh at how stupid this all seemed. But she was a fourteen year old girl who could not stand to see some pointless party be her parents’ legacy - to her, they were more than two self-obsessed teenagers who constantly made mistakes. “I’d hate to say it the way it is, Shepherd, but you can’t really be talking out of your ass about keeping up with Carter Baizen’s legacy when you’re looking right at her.”

The air was so thick that one could cut it with a knife. But as the current bad boy of the Upper East Side stood there defeated by the new girl in town, one would not have been able to tell that this was just another saga in the making.

They always started with the good girl hating the bad boy.

#togwc #aj writes #Exception #carter baizen x reader #carter baizen x you #carter baizen x y/n #carter baizen fanfiction #carter baizen fic #carter baizen fanfic #carter baizen fluff #carter baizen imagine #carter baizen series #carter baizen #gossip girl fanfiction #gossip girl fanfic #gossip girl fic #gossip girl

85 notes · View notes

ladyseaheart1668 · 4 years

Text

Endless Summer Book 4: Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 51)

Description: Jailbreak!

Tagging: @endlesshero1122 @mysteli @feartheendlesssummer @whatmcsaid @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @tigerbryn11

Chapter 51: The Midwife

Alodia

My first instinct is to be relieved at the sight of a face that in my experience has always been friendly. But caution overpowers relief pretty quickly, especially as the questions start flooding through my brain.

“...How...? What are you doing here?”

“The long and short of it is that I am here to help you. My ability is fairly limited, but I will do what I can.”

“I don't understand,” Diego says. “No one has seen or heard from the Anachronists in five years. We thought you guys vanished when the timelines merged.”

Clockmaker sighs. “As Anachronists, we made time and space into toys within the island's bubble. The crystals were our playthings. The Endless made many mistakes, but she at least learned from her errors. She worked with a singular purpose, reset the game board each time she lost. ...We were more careless. We counted on Vaanu and the Endless to be responsible so we did not have to be. We didn't really know what would happen to us when Vaanu departed. I think most of us assumed it would be the end of our world and we would move into the afterlife. But it didn't quite happen like that.”

“...What did happen?” I ask, dreading the answer.

“We were alone. We were alone in Quarr'tel, and Quarr'tel was hidden from the world. Or at least, our version of it was hidden. Vaanti from Elyys'tel came to seek us out, and they walked around the burned-out husk of our city, but they couldn't see us. They couldn't hear us. They seemed to pass through us. We were like ghosts, trapped together, unable to roam beyond our city.”

“But...why would...?”

Clockmaker shrugs. “I don't know. I could not tell you why that was our fate. What I can tell you is that your return brought us back to the world of the living—and that with your return, time crystals have begun to turn up on the island again.” She pauses for a moment, tipping her head at me. “You know...I am actually qualified to examine you. My methods are a little bit old-school by your standards since I trained in midwifery the 1960's, but they were still scientific enough to be trusted with a routine prenatal visit.”

“...This is hardly routine...” I mutter dazedly, but as she gestures invitingly at the exam table, I nod. Diego obligingly turns away as I take off my pants and underwear to climb onto the table. I lie back and Clockmaker covers my exposed lower body with a sheet.

“I won't insist that Diego leave the room. In the 60's, the culture was still very much that men had no place in the act of childbirth, but I think we've moved past such silly gender stereotypes, don't you?”

“I hope so,” I mutter, stretching out a hand to Diego. He comes to take it between his palms, his gaze never leaving Clockmaker. If she notices, she doesn't let on as she guides my legs apart.

“The crystals have begun to turn up again on the island. However, they are not plentiful. Nor are they as powerful as before. It seems the majority of my brothers and sisters went mad during our five years in limbo. When they began to get a picture of what had happened since Vaanu's departure and your return, they turned their hostility onto you. I tried to tell them that you were clearly not omnipotent, and you couldn't have known what would happen, but...well, you try reasoning someone who has lost all reason.”

She slips her fingers into me, and I suck in a sharp breath at the intrusion, squeezing Diego's hand. She squeezes my knee reassuringly with her free hand, but otherwise continues without comment.

“The crystals allowed them to track the energy of the Prism Crystal to Northbridge. They were hoping to find you directly, but instead they found the Prism Gate—and Everett Rourke, apparently. As well as Dax Darcisse's disguise technology. It was one of them who abducted you, Diego, wearing a hologram disguise.”

“That...makes sense. ...So...is that how Rourke managed to fake his death? With some help from the Anachronists and the crystals?”

“Precisely. It's also how the Liquid Prism was stolen, and probably a number of other things I have not been able to be witness to since the other Anachronists banished me.”

“They banished you?!”

“Yes.” She removes her hand and slips off the used gloves. “I'm fortunate I managed to get my hands on one of the disguise earrings before they did. They intended to send me into the far future, but instead I ended up in 1958. I was already aware of your pregnancy at that point, and I thought it might make sense to study midwifery in case I managed to get back to you somehow.”

“...How did you manage to get back?”

Clockmaker shrugs, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my upper arm and grabbing a stethoscope off the wall. “The extended lifespan of a Vaanti, nothing more. I have lived the last sixty-six years in the United States of America, and I simply avoided returning to the island in order to avoid a paradox. When the other Anachronists joined with Rourke, I spied. Miraculously, I managed to stay out of their way enough that Rourke didn't realize who I was, and simply took me for another Anachronist ally. It was easy to convince him to let me meet up with Fiddler here to act as your midwife.”

“So, he does want my baby. ...What for?”

“That I do not know just yet. But yes, he does want her alive and well. Quiet for a moment please, I need to take your blood pressure.”

I obligingly clam up while she takes blood pressure and pulse, though my lips are practically itching with more questions. When she takes back the stethoscope and gives me a nod, I think it's the most important question that leaps to my tongue first.

“How do we get out of here?”

Clockmaker places a hand on my arm, meeting my gaze. “You have a little patience, and give me three days.”

“Why three days?”

“Because in three days, you will be close enough to Northbridge that I will feel more comfortable releasing you. Plus, at the next rest stop, I will be able to acquire the last piece of the device I need to remove that chip in your neck that's keeping you from contacting Varyyn.”

Diego gasps softly at the mention of his husband, his fingers tightening subtly around my hand. His reaction makes his next question a little jarring.

“Close to Northbridge? Where are we now?”

“Manitoba, Canada. Not far from Winnipeg.”

“Canada!” I repeat incredulously. “Could...is it possible to travel from Riverside to Winnipeg in...however much time we've been traveling?”

“Not by natural means, no. Your captors have been helped along by the crystals. Do you recall how my brothers and sisters and I were able to transport you through space and time with crystal fragments back on the island?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“They crystals they are collecting now are weaker, but they still have enough power to transport any vehicle containing you short spatial distances. ...And distances over time, but Rourke was strictly against subjecting you to that in your present condition as it may have led to your pregnancy advancing the way Quinn's illness did when you leaped forward six months.” She guides me to lie back, lifting my shirt just enough to expose my belly. “Quiet again, please, while I listen for the heartbeat.”

She takes an instrument out of the drawer that looks like a small silver trumpet minus the pipes and valves, and places the bell end against my belly, lowering her head to press her ear to the flat end. After adjusting it a few times, she smiles.

“Ahh, there it is. Good and strong. But a little high-placed. I don't think baby has turned yet.”

“No, she hasn't. Or she hadn't last I knew. We tried EVC, but it didn't take. I've been preparing myself for a likely breech delivery—and possibly a C-section.”

Clockmaker frowns. “...The sooner we get you out of their hands, the better. Any complications in labor would likely go very badly for you if you're still a captive.”

“Why can't you just teleport us out of here with the crystals?” Diego asks.

“If I had access to the crystals myself, I would not have gotten stuck in the 1950's,” she replies ruefully. “I would be performing an ultrasound on you instead of using a pinard, and I would likely be qualified to perform a C-section myself.”

“You never decided to update your skills?”

“Records became much more difficult to forge as technology advanced. I read what books I could, but it seemed safer not to attempt formal study again. In any case, if you go into labor within the next three days, I will take what risks are necessary to get you out of here. But the safest option is going to be to wait, since the safest option will also require me to stay behind and throw them off the scent while they attempt to hunt you down.”

I nod slowly. I won't say I feel like I completely understand what is happening here, but I still feel like I can trust Clockmaker. Diego seems a little bit more skeptical.

“But why help us like this? Why not tip off the authorities that you know where we are?”

“For one thing, I believe the authorities would have a harder time getting you out than I will. For another...I still care about what might happen to the Vaanti if the authorities turn their suspicions toward the island.” She hesitates a moment. “...When we reach the next stopping point, I intend to drug their food to knock them out long enough that you can escape. ...I could poison them. Kill them. But if their bodies are revealed in an investigation, that will come back to you.

“Which is why, Diego, when eventually questioned on how you escaped, you are going to tell them that in this very room, you discovered a bottle of rohypnol abandoned in one of these cabinets, and smuggled the pills in your sock.”

“I see. And...what will...'I' do with these pills?”

“Well, at the next safehouse, you will drug their water supply, of course. You've had your eye out for an opportunity since you discovered the pills.”

“...No one will stop 'me'?”

“Once the deed is done, I will show you how 'you' did it, and I'll make sure to set it up to look plausible. Of course, it may be rearranged when your captors take off, but I don't believe that would strike anyone as very odd, either.”

“And what should I tell them about who kidnapped us?”

“You know Fiddler. You know she was a rival of Jake's. Tell them you don't know the others. It will be true. Tell them you don't know why you were abducted. That will be a lie, but it will be a lie that protects the Vaanti.”

“It will also be a lie that protects Rourke,” I point out.

“It will also protect you,” Clockmaker counters. “And your baby. ...I will not let Rourke escape justice, Alodia. I promise you that. But sometimes winning the war means losing the battle, and right now, it is more important that you and Diego are safely returned to your families before the baby arrives, and that the Vaanti's secrets are kept as long as possible.”

“As long as possible. ...You make it sound as if you don't think they can be kept indefinitely.”

“I don't,” she admits. “But if I can help it, I won't have them turned into laboratory experiments like Rourke tried to do. ...I believe there is a way that the truth can be safely revealed. But it must be done carefully and there are many unknowns to be considered.”

“What unknowns?”

She sighs a little, shaking her head, but there is a slight smile on her lips. “There are more things in heaven and earth, Alodia, than I could have ever perceived from my vantage point within Vaanu's time bubble. ...You can probably start getting dressed now. They're going to start wondering what we're doing in here.”

I sit up slowly. My head is spinning a little, probably with all this new information. But there is one more thing I feel I should know.

“...Where are they actually taking us? Where is Rourke waiting?”

“The exact location appears to be on a need-to-know basis. But I have reason to suspect he is making his base somewhere in the Greek isles.”

“Well, I won't ask why there. I'm sure finding the answer to that can wait.”

“Absolutely. The important thing now is getting you someplace where you can have your baby safely.”

I nod. “...Thank you, Clockmaker. Thank you for coming to my rescue.”

She smiles sadly. “I suppose I ought to tell you not to call me that anymore. The Anachronists have appointed a new Clockmaker.”

“Do you want a new name?” I ask.

She shrugs. “It was never really a name, was it. It was a title of sorts, though Anachronists are not really supposed to have titles. ...I suppose I would like for you to call me the Midwife now. It seems appropriate.”

“Midwife, then. Thank you, Midwife.”

Kenji

It's been quiet for the last few days while Tahira has been off tracking Alodia. Just the occasional petty crooks hopped up on weak street-cut doses of Liquid Prism that have actually become weirdly routine. Just as well, considering we're down our leader, but I can't help feeling kinda twitchy. So when my phone chimes while I'm working out in my home gym and the screen shows an unfamiliar number, I am immediately on edge. But I pick up because I'm not about to ignore it, either.

“This is Kenji.”

“Katsaros. What's the word in Northbridge?”

I could be mistaken, but I think I can hear a slight tremor in Caleb's voice. I feel my forehead crease.

“Uh, not much happening here at the moment. Why? Where are you?”

“You swear the Prism Crystal's secure? Maybe you should check on it.”

“Yes, Caleb. It's secure. You're gonna have to trust me on that.”

“When was the last time you checked? When was the last time you saw it with your own eyes?”

“Man, seriously. I'd say you sound like you're trying to get its location out of me for some nefarious purpose, but I don't actually think you're dumb enough to be so transparent. It's secure. I promise. Getting at it right now would be way more complicated than either of your former bosses could pull off. ...Where are you?”

“I'm at Gigi's squat.��

“What?! What are you doing there?!”

He hesitates. “...Not really important. Had a dumb idea that isn't gonna pan out anyway, because the place is completely deserted.”

“Is that unusual? It was deserted when we found you there.”

“Yeah, that was the gang away on a day mission. This is...different. I been here two days with no trace of anyone, and most everything's gone.”

“Did they maybe move on from that squat? Set up a new base?”

“Maybe. 'Cept they didn't take entirely everything. There's still mattresses and linens, a generator, a minifridge, space heaters...”

“Well, those are heavy. Probably thought it more worthwhile to acquire new ones.”

“I'd buy that...except that they also left a supply of food and bottled water. Water and canned goods may be heavy, but you can pack 'em in backpacks and carry 'em easy enough. And packs of ramen noodles weigh next to nothing.”

“So what do you think is going on?”

“No idea. I just know it's probably not good.”

I consider this for a moment. “Maybe you should come back to Northbridge.”

“Yeah...I don't know. Got some things to take care of.”

“Well, I'm not gonna twist your arm.”

“How is Tahira?”

“Oh, right. You probably haven't heard yet. She's okay. She woke up, and she's out of the hospital.”

“Well. Good to know.”

Before I can reply, the call cuts off. I wait a minute or two to see if he's going to call back. I even take a chance on calling back the number he called from, but no luck.

...Guess that might be the reformed criminal for you. I wonder if I'm ever actually going to know what to make of him.

Alodia

Midwife stays with us over the next few days while we're held in what I have concluded is probably an abandoned hospital. She's there when we're bound and blindfolded again and loaded into another vehicle. This time, though, they cut our bonds once we're in the van, and we're permitted to take our blindfolds off. I realize why once we do.

We're inside what can only be the trailer of a semi. No windows to the outside. Separated from the drivers in the cab. Only a few hanging work lights to illuminate our steel and aluminum prison. But it has been fitted with car seats, and the car seats have seatbelts. We fasten ourselves in and settle in for the journey, however long it will take.

“You should both try to rest as much as you can,” Midwife tells us. “Now, and when we arrive. You'll both need your energy very soon.”

Jake

It's early morning, and my turn holding the Prism Crystal while Sean drives. I really ought to stay awake. Be a decent navigator. But my head still isn't fully healed, and Michelle encourages me to sleep when I need to as long as I keep a hand on the Crystal. So when I feel myself start to drift off, I grab a handkerchief out of the glove compartment and wrap it around my hand and the Crystal. The top of the gleaming Crystal is still visible, and it feels secure enough that I don't think it will fall. I prop my head on a travel pillow against the passenger-side window, and let myself drift off.

I come around again slowly. The sunlight makes my eyes water as voices buzz around me. There are no words just yet, but the atmosphere is tense. I claw my way back to full consciousness just as the tension starts to ebb away.

“Wha...? Wha's goin' on...” I manage to form the question, but the words feel like mush coming out of my mouth at first.

“It's okay,” Sean assures me. “We lost the trail for a minute, but we've got it back.”

I frown, turning to study his profile, even as the glare from the sun obscures my vision at first. He still looks concerned. I look down at the Crystal tied to my hand. It's glowing bright as it was when I fell asleep. A glance in the rearview mirror reveals the others still following us in the other car. But I look at the clock on the dashboard, and I look at the sun, and I immediately understand what's different.

We're not heading northwest anymore. We've turned entirely around.

Alodia

Our new prison is another farmhouse. Or cabin. Or cottage. Whatever. We're blindfolded again once we arrive, and I only see the inside of the room we're locked in, but it definitely has wood floors and wood-paneled walls. As usual, we're supplied with food when we arrive. Nothing gourmet, of course, but nutritious. I eat valiantly for my baby's sake, and Diego eats for mine, but I can tell he's struggling to find an appetite. I reach out to place a hand on his arm.

“You okay?”

“I'm just...anxious. Do you think we can trust Midwife?”

I sigh, turning my attention back to my meal. “I think we probably don't have much of a choice. I think if it turns out she can't be trusted, we won't be much worse for it.”

“I don't know. It's not like there need to be only two sides in this conflict, us and Rourke. If the Anachronists have gone as crazy as she implies, they might just be out to hurt you themselves...”

“I won't say the possibility didn't occur to me. But given the choice between taking a risk trusting her and risking my baby falling into Rourke's hands...I'll take the choice that presents a possibility of freedom.”

“It does seem like a better choice than waiting to be delivered to Rourke,” he concedes.

“We should rest if we can. If Midwife can be trusted, we're apparently going to need it.”

* * *

I'm not sure how deeply I actually manage to sleep. At nine months pregnant, I haven't really slept soundly in weeks. But it does feel as if some time has passed when I open my eyes to see Midwife leaning over me and realize that she was gently shaking me awake.

“Your enemies are sound asleep,” she says softly. “Drugged. It's time to get you both out of here.” I sit up carefully. Midwife puts a hand on my shoulder, preventing me from standing. “Stay seated for a moment. First things first, we need to get that chip out of your neck to reopen a line of communication with Varyyn. Diego, help me out here, okay?”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Sit down there and hold her steady. This will be quick, but it will be painful for as long as it lasts. Alodia, try not to make too much noise. I don't expect anyone to wake up in any state to chase you, but I would rather not take chances.”

Diego sits beside me on the cot and draws me into his arms. I grip him back, pressing my face into his shoulder, bracing myself. I feel Midwife gather up my hair and twist it up off my neck.

“The effects of this chip are likely to last beyond its removal, but they will wear off in time. Unfortunately, I cannot say precisely how much time it will take.” As she speaks, I feel pain go through me like a full-body electric shock. I gasp sharply, digging my fingertips into Diego's back, but I manage not to cry out. “But I do promise you that it will wear off. ...All done.”

I sit up shakily, my stomach quivering. Diego squeezes my hand, rubbing my back. “All good now?”

I manage to nod. “Yeah. All good. Just a little woozy.”

“I advise Diego to take the first shift driving. There's a jeep outside for you. Full tank, spare tire, and three cans of gas. Northbridge is about two-hundred miles away. I have programmed the fastest route into the GPS for you. The whole trip should take around three hours.”

“...Couldn't we just go to the nearest town and call the police?” Diego asks.

“Once you have driven off, I can't stop you from doing whatever you see fit. But I highly recommend putting as much distance between yourselves and your captors as possible before putting yourselves in the authorities' hands. Particularly because I cannot assure you that there are no Anachronist spies in holographic disguises along the road to Northbridge.”

“I know I would rather get back to the other Catalysts before we try to send anyone out after Arachnid,” I murmur. “I have more faith in them and the Supers to protect us than the authorities. Especially with the threat of Anachronist spies.”

“Just think the police might wonder why we drove two-hundred miles instead of getting them involved sooner.”

“Like Midwife said. We wanted to put as much distance between us and them as possible. Besides, I'm pregnant and scared and I probably pushed you to get us to Northbridge once I saw how close we were. If nothing else, we can blame it on my hormones.”

“That feels sexist.”

“I am willing to exploit sexism when it suits,” I reply, smirking a little. “But...there is another problem I can see with driving almost non-stop to Northbridge: I am nine months pregnant, and I have to pee constantly. I've been able to hold it when they move us, but I'm usually in agony by the time we arrive. And the thought of going three hours without a rest stop...”

“I have a solution for that, too,” Midwife says almost proudly. “Frankly, I am annoyed they never provided you with a portable female urinal before. But you will find one under the seat in the jeep. It's actually designed with pregnant women in mind. Specifically, pregnant women who have to spend a great deal of time in cars. Now, Diego. Pay attention.”

“Hmm? What?” Diego snaps to attention, his eyes widening slightly.

“I'm going to tell you how 'you' managed to drug your kidnappers.” She taps at the handle of a locked closet that we made a cursory attempt to open when we were first left alone in the room. “When you arrived here, they took a water cooler jug out of here and left it with you. Before they locked the closet, you saw that there were other jugs inside. When they left you alone, you tried the closet door and found that the locking mechanism was clearly broken, because in spite of the knob not turning, the door opened. You took a chance, and emptied the six pills from the bottle you found at the doctor's office into an almost-full jug that had already been opened. By the way, you'll find said bottle in the glove compartment of the jeep. Make sure to get your fingerprints on it before you let the authorities have it as evidence.”

“...Should we tell them that there was a gynecologist at the abandoned doctor's office?”

“Of course. Don't worry. There's no reason to believe you will harm me by doing so. As long as you keep my description vague.”

“So...once they were drugged, how did we get out?”

“Through a window in the back of the closet. This room is actually underground, and there is a window at the top of the wall at ground level. In fact, Diego, come with me. I'm going to direct you through your escape path. Alodia, there's no way you could climb through that window in your condition, but Diego, you should follow the plausible path and leave your traces where you can.”

I notice that Midwife uses a key to unlock the closet, but I assume she is going to do something to break the lock mechanism after we leave. She takes him into the closet, and I hear them talking for a minute or two before she comes out alone.

“...Where's Diego?”

“Walking around with the key to unlock the door. I can't leave my traces all over the grounds. Not when you're supposed to be escaping without my help.”

I want to protest. I can't keep back a nagging fear that something is going to go wrong here, that maybe one of the guards wasn't as drugged as Midwife perceived. But I hold my tongue. Midwife has always given me the impression she knows more than she lets on in any given situation. Trusting her pays off. Within five minutes, I hear the key turn in the lock, and the door opens. Diego beams at me from across the threshold.

“Time for a jailbreak, Allie. The coast is clear.”

Diego

I'm honestly a little surprised at how anxious I feel leaving Midwife behind as Allie and I drive off in our stolen jeep. But then again, maybe it's not leaving her behind that's making me anxious. I mean, after all, my best friend and I are running for our lives right now, leaving behind a bunch of hostile ex-military goons with sinister designs on an unborn baby girl. They're drugged, giving us a good amount of time to make a head start, but I know I'm not going to feel safe until we're among friends in Northbridge. Even as I speed through the night, going as much over the speed limit as I dare on the silent country roads, I can feel them lurking over my shoulder like ghosts.

“This thing have a radio?” Allie mutters after a few minutes.

I take a quick glance at the dash. “Satellite. You think we should...?”

She shrugs. “Don't see how it could hurt. And it might calm us down. ...And River, if we can find the right station.” She rubs her belly pointedly. “I think she's picking up on how nervous I am.”

“It does feel like we're driving with a target on our backs,” I concede as she starts flipping through the stations.

“I keep looking in the back seat, like one of them might have snuck in and is lying in wait back there.”

“We checked it thoroughly before we left, remember? We even looked underneath.”

“Of course I remember.” She settles on a station playing electronic music and leans back in her seat. “Doesn't stop it from feeling like they could be right behind us.”

“Yeah, you're right.” I chuckle a little. “Know what this feeling reminds me of? Being in high school, watching gay porn on the computer with the door locked and my headphones on and my parents out of the house and still being terrified that I'd get caught. I used incognito mode, did virus scans afterward, checked about fifty times that my headphones were on, and I would still be terrified of my parents coming home early, or something showing up on the search history days later and I would get caught...”

“You were more careful than I was. I did get caught once.”

“Yeah, but all your aunt and uncle were ever going to do was give you a lecture about privacy. Embarrassing, sure, but not life-altering.”

“True. ...I think if we're going to compare this situation to pre-adult anxieties, mine would be being inside or anywhere near the garage when Aunt Molly or Uncle Rob was out. When I was four or five, I had a nightmare about being trapped in the garage with a sentient killer car, and I have hated the sound of the garage opening ever since.”

I take my eyes off the road just long enough to glance at her in surprise. “You have?”

“Yup. I don't mind it so much from my room. Or any room where I can't see the door from the garage into the house. But if I'm in that hallway when I hear the garage door open, I bolt.”

“Huh...” I think back, trying to recall if I had ever noticed her doing that when we were kids, but I guess it's never stood out to me. She was a high-energy kid, and good at masking her distress when she wanted to. I probably put it down to her getting a new fun idea and running off to make it happen. “Funny how you can know a person all of your life and theirs, and still not know everything about them.”

“I should hope I still have a little mystery to me,” she replies, chuckling. “Even from you.”

The truth is that I am glad she does. In another timeline, she was a figment of my imagination. Everything she was, I made her. All her secrets were mine. The woman sitting next to me is real enough to surprise me with a strange, irrational fear left over from childhood. I don't express any of that, not wanting to remind her of a timeline I know she doesn't like to think about. But I do spare a glance to smile at her. Though not enough to make me forget what we're running from, that happy thought is enough to ease me a little, and as we continue on our journey, I hum along with the music on the radio.

Jake

We're not robots. We can't travel indefinitely. We have to stop occasionally to piss and shit and get food and fill our cars with gas. I take care of my essential bodily functions and lean against the car's rear door while I gulp down a protein bar that tastes vaguely like vanilla-flavored newspaper. Tahira leans beside me, working her way through a take-out chicken sandwich. She stares straight ahead while she eats, taking each bite with an expression that suggests she's getting it down through sheer willpower. The Prism Crystal winks at the top of her pocket. She's facing vaguely southwest, and the Crystal is gleaming in response.

“...Why did it change?”

I ask the question before I realize I did it. Tahira looks sidelong at me, and her expression is hard to read.

“What do you mean?”

“Don't be coy. I mean the Crystal. It turned us around. Why?”

“...We passed her. Somewhere on our journey, we passed by her and we had to turn around.”

“If that's the case, shouldn't we have intersected her by now? Or at least turned right or left, or...?”

“I don't know, Jake. This is hardly an exact science. We're flying almost blind.”

“...Are we sure it's even her we're tracking with the Crystal?”

“Who or what else could it be?”

“...I don't know. It ain't an exact science.”

“But there is an objective reality to it,” she murmurs, sounding thoughtful. After a moment's hesitation, she adds, “It's her, Jake. I can't totally explain how I'm sure it's her, but I know it's her.”

“Well, I guess you'd know.”

But I'm not comforted. Following the Prism Crystal might make me feel less like I'm spinning my wheels, but the pit in my stomach's not gonna go away until she's safe in my arms again. In my world, nothing's right without her. I lived that reality for five years. I can't face it again.

10 notes · View notes

werevulvi · 4 years

Text

I don't think I've ever made an in depth post here about where my views really lie, in terms of not just gender identity/trans stuff, but gender and sex as a whole in society. Where my radfem views basically kinda mesh with MRA views. Because it's kinda difficult to put into words. But I want to try. So that you all will know who it is you're actually following. So, I wanna start off with a disclaimer that I will be using certain words and terminology that might make you frown, but please try to see those words as loose descriptions rather than as fixed labels.

I still think that radfem is what lies closest to what my views can be labeled as, if any label at all, as I agree with majority of it. However, there is an MRA twist to them. So to start off... I dunno where to start, but... patriarchy? Yes, how about that! Then let's just ramble on from there. Do I think there is a patriarchy? Yes, I do. I think what's generally called "male socialisation" is inherently destructive to women as a class, and that "female socialisation" is also inherently destructive to women. It raises men above women which takes away our agency and much of our freedom. It exploits us sexually and makes us not only get the short stick biologically but also socially. This is what I generally view as patriarchy. A world of men dominating and controlling women, a rape culture, if you may.

However, what I see, that I don't think most radfems even acknowledge, let alone agree with, is that this patriarchal system is almost as bad for men as it is for women. It assumes men as inherently awful with no chance of redemption, perpetuating basically what's called "original sin" - yet men are taught that they're disposable, only useful if they make a ton of money and sacrifice themselves and their livelihood for women and children. That is an immense burden, and this is where my MRA views come in. I view the world of men and women kinda like this: Imagine an inner circle and an outer circle. In the inner circle are women, protected yet exploited by men, objectified and hold to lesser value, as housewifes, sex objects and baby-making machines, yet don't have as high expectations to contribute in the world. They don't have to go to war, or work themselves to an early grave, they don't have to sacrifice their lives for the opposite sex. But they do have to sacrifice their freedom and their bodies, for men and for reproduction. This is a heavy burden for women to bear.

And in the outer circle are men, having more freedom, yet higher expectations to contribute in the world, as money-makers, disposable soldiers, etc. They are expected to keep the world running and never complain. They are equally as useless unless they perform their reproductive role too, and as disposable slave workers. They are less likely to face sexual and emotional abuse, but are far more likely to face virtually every other kinda abuse. They have tried to fight this injustice, like women have fought against theirs, for as long and as relentlessly, but there is less empathy for men. There always has been. Their struggle is not taken as seriously, because it is less visible. They appear to have it all, but they really don't, and those who do, fought through hell to achieve that.

Men have a biological and social advantage, yes... but for a very heavy price. A price which I don't see many women particularly willing to pay, for those advantages. A MGTOW on youtube once explained that "inner vs outer circle" thing, and... it changed my world view. Since that point I've been on and off between feminism and MRA, because deep down I know he was right. Both MRA's and feminists are right, and that's probably why they cannot work together, nor fold for the other. Nor should they! Maintaining these ideologies as opposites, as enemies, is causing far more problems than either of them are solving, I think.

On a personal note... I am willing to pay that price, for getting the opportunities that men have. Since my transition, I have been made gravely aware of that price that men pay to be successful and considered valuable. Men are NOT seen as more valuable than women. They gain value by working their asses off and making huge sacrifices along that way. If they don't... they're useless neckbeards, "beta males" or homeless with nothing at all. Women also have to put work in and make huge sacrifices to be seen as valuable. Namely, they have to sacrifice their autonomy and their dreams to be caregivers and mothers. That's a heavy price too, but women can't ever become as useless and without value as men can. Albeit horrific, women have intrinsic value in our reproductive ability, but men (according to patriarchy/society) do not have any intrinsic value. They HAVE TO work for their value.

Having said that... I no longer give a shit who has it worse, men or women.

Both suffer under this horribly dehumanising system, which is patriarchal, yes, but it's more so heteronormative. Because it all comes down to our crap biology. Because here's the thing and you may not like reading this, because this where I think MRA's are especially right, which is where I’ll probably lose most feminists: Males are biologically driven to reproduce fast and effectively. They make a ton of sperm and if they don't try to knock up as many females as possible, their genes will get lost and they'll have no family to raise. Their biological value as individuals is dependent on this. Their biological role is miniscule when it comes to breeding, so they try to make up for it by being financial providers and offering protection to females whom are physically weaker and more susceptible to harm.

Females are biologically driven to be selective with their reproduction, because if they're not, they'll go through traumatic pregnancy and childbirth for basically nothing. Females really need to make sure they pick the best genes, and their biological value is dependent on this. Which creates a huge clash between male and female goals, a constant battle hunt of prey vs predator. And that is what creates a rape culture, of males aggressively hunting females for their vaginas, and females desperately protecting their vaginas from useless genetics, bodily harms and getting pregnant too much for their bodies to handle.

This is not just about humans, hence why I wrote males and females, but practically all mammal species. What happens with humans is that we've evolved a little from our primal instincts and intellectualise our existence, and what's the meaning of life. But we still have our biological instincts, and this is what led us to create more complex societies than other mammals do, but these societies are still very similar to most other mammals' equally patriarchal, heteronormative, systems of gender roles. Men did not create this. Nature did. Beautiful, flawless, wonderous... mother nature, damned us all. Patriarchy is not a coincidence, nor a human creation at all. Our societies may be social constructs, but they are based on our reproductive instincts, which have been with us since long before we even became homo sapien.

I get angry when I write/think about all that. Not because "you're all dumb to not get this" or anything like that, but because this hierarchy seen in almost all mammals, including humans... is unavoidable and cannot be fixed. It's an unfortunate outcome of how sexually dimorphic species are biologically built to breed and continue their species. And that is what makes it so upsetting, so aggrevating, so insidious. Because no matter how much feminism, men's rights movements, LGBT communities, humanitarians, socialists and whatever the fuck it all... females will always be at a biological disadvantage, and males will always be at an biological advantage. We can't fix that. Which means, we can't fix patriarchy. Then why even bother? Why try to fight for female liberation, if patriarchy and rape cultures are unavoidable and unfixable? That's what comes down to morals, values, what we want and wish and dream. That matters, it always will, no matter the outcome! I think the world can still be made better than how it is today, especially in third world countries, and that male aggression can be better controlled. I think more choices can be opened up, for both sexes, and that the gender roles can be made less restrictive. And I think that's worth fighting for, even if it's a far cry from feminism's ultimate goal. But I need to also stay realistic and have a plan B, which is to figure out how to thrive, as an individual woman, in this patriarchal rape culture.

And my way of doing so is to try my best to live mostly as a man, taking all the shit men get, for the price of climbing higher up the ladder and avoiding (some of) the disadvantages of being recognisably female - but still take on the female roles that I want for myself, such as motherhood, and take the risks that come with that too. I don't have everything figured out yet, and I don't know what kinda relationship I want yet. But I'm starting to think that maaaybe I would benefit more from taking advantage of the straight privilege I have with my bisexuality, a more pragmatic approach... and get myself a decent househusband, for more convenient breeding. I would like to date another woman again, don't get me wrong, but that feels a bit unfit for my goals, unfortunately. I don’t wanna make hard shit even harder for myself, when it can be avoided.

Love... isn't my main driving factor in relationships anymore. Although I'm gonna need to think it through VERY properly, if I really think that setting love aside for a more practical partner arrangement, is actually a good idea. Regardless, however, I do have attraction to men, but even straight women can marry for practicality and end up miserable and abused because of it. So it has nothing much to do with sexual orientation on that point, but it does in the sense that homosexual marriage can't really be made for practicality. Marrying for practicality is an extremely heteronormative move to make, and one that has been used against homosexuality for centuries, to force gay people into straight marriage. This makes me... extremely uncomfortable and angry, on behalf of all gay people out there, of course.

Yet... I am intrigued by the idea for myself only, as I see the option of marriage from more angles than I used to. I still think marriage should of course be for love as well, and I would never want to choose for others why or whom they should marry, or not marry. That whole dream I have might also be taking on a way too heavy burden and responsibility on my already crumbling shoulders, to aim at being both the provider and a mother, but I want both those things, so it might be worth it. And with that said, having a useful, good, respectful and resourceful husband might be more important to me personally, than any cute frumpy lump of a dude that I just so happen to fall in love with. (But I also wanna point out that my goals and dreams have been switching a lot lately, so please take this sudden, baffling idea of mine with a grain of salt. I'm gonna focus on getting my own ass together first, before I even consider handing it over to someone else again, and I have a lot to work on.) However, say if I'll end up going that route, that is me basically playing into the hands of patriarchy, for the price of getting the best life I can give myself in a broken world which cannot be fixed. I'm not saying my goals are in any way somehow universally favourable. You do you, I do me.

But at the same time I also wanna be inspirational, especially for other women, but in general too. I'll prove to the lot of you that despite being considered a "hopeless case" irrevokably mentally disabled, I'll goddamn make myself into a money-making baby-maker AND a goddamn awesome one at that. I won't give up on my dreams of having a job, financial and emotional stability, and a child. I also won't "correct" myself to fit into the beauty norms of women. I will continue to refuse getting fake tits, laser hair removal, feminising voice training, feminine clothing, makeup, etc. I'm slowly accepting, embracing and coming to terms with being a manly, masculine or even transmasculine, proud woman. And you wanna know why it matters to feminism? Because if I can be a woman, looking like this, living like this... then ALL other gnc females can too. Because not to brag or anything, but I don't think anyone else has taken being gnc quite as far as me before. Almost everywhere I go, I am considered "too masculine" to even be a woman, despite being female, which is a problem that to varying degress affects all gnc females, but I will work hard to change that. And if I succeed to... I'll be paving one fuck of a path for all gnc women after me. You're welcome, sisters.

Furthermore, regardless of my own heterocentric breeding fantasies and whether I make them real or not, I will absolutely continue to stand up and fight for gay, and especially lesbian, rights. No one should be forced, coerced or otherwise shoved into heterosexual stuff against their will, including "girldicks" and "boypussies" - and yes, I will die on that hill. I listen, I hear you, and I will help you spread your word. To wrap it up: So I do CARE about feminism, and trying to make the world a better place by trying to reduce the harm and being a good example in some ways, and I take a very similar approach as radical feminists. I just have a bit of an MRA leaning to my view on patriarchy, which does NOT make that patriarchy any more favourable. I also have a heck of a lot more pessimism about the future prospects of humanity's... own goddamn demise. I'm a nihilist at heart, what can I say? I may love women more... but I don't hate men. No matter how badly many of them have hurt me. No matter how much my c-ptsd makes me fear them. I wanna work with men for a better world that should benefit all of us, not work against them. Yes, I will sleep with the enemy... both figuratively and literally.

#my views #on feminism and such #this may surprise you #it may also be triggering #but dont worry i hate the world too #radical feminism #mens rights #life goals #realism and pessimism #long post #detrans woman

3 notes · View notes

thekoshertribble · 5 years

Text

“I'm not some simple shepherdess you can awe” Women of Star Trek #19 “Who Mourns for Adonais?” Lt. Carolyn Palamas

Oh boy, I am not looking forward to writing this one.

Before we begin: I don’t usually find myself identifying in any way with the characters I talk about on this blog, but this one is an exception. Carolyn Palamas’ story is one of the worst I’ll be discussing in this series. I think anyone who’s seen the episode, and knows what happens to her would agree with that, but for me it’s personal. I know how she felt. I’ll get to that later, but for now let’s talk about Carolyn.

(Before I go any further, I should caution you that I’ll be discussing some rather sensitive topics: abusive relationships, physical and psychological abuse, implied rape and unwanted pregnancy.)

If someone asked me “what role would you serve in Starfleet?” I would answer: A&A officer.

An oft forgotten role, the A&A officer is a starship’s science division expert on archeology and anthropology. He or she is well knowledged in not only the civilizations of earth, but those of other planets. Imagine studying the ruins of a lost civilization on another planet, or reading ancient texts from the mythology of an alien species! This is Carolyn Palamas’ job on the Enterprise, and why she was chosen for the landing party to Pollux Four. But first, we meet her on the bridge, presenting her findings about the planet to Kirk: “Here's the report on Pollux Five, Captain. This entire system has been almost the same. A strange lack of intelligent life on the planets. It bugs the percentages.” Kirk asked her to run the same analysis on Pollux Four, then McCoy remarks she looks tired. Palamas explains she was up “all night” working on the report. (I don’t understand why Palamas was given this job when it could have gone to Spock or one of the other astonomists in the science department. It bugs me.) Kirk and McCoy are impressed by her work effort, and Scotty steps up to offer her to have coffee with him, rather eagerly. She smiles and accepts his invitation, and the two exit the bridge together. Kirk and McCoy have already suspected, correctly, that Scotty is attracted to Palamas, a fact which worries McCoy:

MCCOY: I'm not sure I like that, Jim.

KIRK: Why, Bones? Scotty's a good man.

MCCOY: And he thinks he's the right man for her, but I'm not sure she thinks he's the right man. On the other hand, she's a woman. All woman. One day she'll find the right man and off she'll go, out of the service.

Okay, I’m going to go on a bit of a tangent here, but this conversation is worth discussing. Two things are clear: one, McCoy has analyzed both Scott and Palamas, and foresees the relationship will be one sided. (He seems to acknowledge, however, that he could be wrong.) Two, it’s immediately assumed that if Palamas were to marry, she would leave Starfleet. This was written in the 60s, when married women were expected to stay home, not work. So does that mean those same expectations are present in Starfleet? I say no. In “Balance of Terror” we saw two officers get married, and no mention was made of either of them leaving the service. So it doesn’t appear to be a regulation or cultural expectation that McCoy is referring to. Considering his knowledge of the crew, I think McCoy has heard from Palamas at some point that she planned to leave Starfleet if she were to marry, but she sees that as being unlikely to happen anytime soon. Kirk meanwhile, is more concerned about Scotty being preoccupied by a romantic interest rather than his job. And as we’ll soon see, he’s not actually wrong...

The Enterprise arrives at Pollux Four and is immediately captured by Apollo, who insists Kirk comes down to the planet with some of his men to rejoice and “remember together” their Ancient Greek heritage. Kirk naturally brings along Palamas, as well as McCoy, Scotty and Chekov. Apollo reveals his identity and tells his “children” that they must stay here and worship him as they did before. Kirk and Scotty warm him that they’ll resist any attempts to keep the Enterprise here forcefully, while Apollo claims the crew is his to cherish or destroy. In the middle of this back-and-forth threatening, Carolyn steps in, not with a warning but with a question: “But why? What you've said so far makes no sense at all.” Apollo’s face softens and he turns his attention from Kirk to Palamas. He approaches her, studying her.

APOLLO: How like Aphrodite and Athena. The beauty, grace. And you seem wise for a woman. What is your name?

CAROLYN: Lieutenant Palamas.

APOLLO: I mean your name.

CAROLYN: Carolyn.

APOLLO: Carolyn. Yes. You are beautiful. You would do Aphrodite credit. I will tell you a thousand tales, stories of courage and love. You will know what it is to be a goddess.

Scott immediately protests to this, telling Apollo to back off. Apollo then blasts Scott’s phaser out of his hand and turns his attention back to Carolyn. He decides her Starfleet uniform doesn’t look good on her and changes them (Trelane-style) to a Grecian dress. Satisfied with this change, Apollo begins to lead her away from the others. Again, Scotty tries to save her, but gets thrown over the table. Kirk also appears to protest but Carolyn stops him, saying quietly: “It's all right, Captain. I'll go.” Apollo applauds her lack of fear, and disappears, taking Carolyn with him.

This scene tells us two very important things about Carolyn. First, as a scientist she has a curious mind that instinctually seeks answers. Apollo demands the Enterprise crew worships him? Carolyn wants to know why. Despite the threats Apollo makes, she is still wants to know how he, an ancient deity from a planet light-years away, ended up on an alien planet. She might have seen this as a career-changing mission. This is the kind of opportunity most of her fellow anthropologists and archeologists dream of. But it is not without cost, leading to the second item: Carolyn is not so brave or curious to not be aware of the danger she is in. She’s read Greek legends. She know what Apollo is and what he’s capable of. And she knows that women in Greek mythology rarely get happy endings. She has every right to be afraid, and she is. She is not “without fear” as Apollo wrongly observes. She goes with him for two reasons: one, so she can continue to observe him, and two, to prevent Apollo from hurting any other member of the landing party. That’s it. Yes, in the next scene Apollo asks her if she’s frightened of him and she says no, but how could she not be afraid? He nearly kills Kirk by Vader-style choking him, knocks out Scotty and threatens to crush the Enterprise like an egg! She knows could do the same to her, but she hypothesizes that his affection for her will shield her from his wrath. His “love” for her is the only thing that stops Apollo from killing Kirk with force lighting:

KIRK: We're tired of your phony fireworks!

APOLLO: Mortal, you have earned this!

(Apollo points his finger at Kirk’s chest)

CAROLYN: No, don't!

(Carolyn puts herself between Apollo and Kirk)

KIRK: Lieutenant!

CAROLYN: A father doesn't destroy his children. You said you were gentle and understanding.

KIRK: Lieutenant!

CAROLYN: How can they worship you if you hurt them?

KIRK: Lieutenant.

CAROLYN: Apollo, please. (taking his hand) You know so much of love. Please don't hurt them. Please.

APOLLO: I shall be lenient with you, for her sake.

In a sick kind of irony, Carolyn has become both incredibly powerful and vulnerable as Apollo’s newest object of lust. Apollo is extremely dangerous and quick to anger - his violent acts toward her crew mates tell Carolyn what will happen if she refuses him - so she is trapped with him. However, she knows he wants to please her. She becomes an intermediary between him and her crew, and in the scene above, she’s the only person that can stop Apollo from going on a deadly rampage. In the next scene Carolyn learns that is not just an object of affection for the Apollo, she is central to his plan to restore his godliness. He sees her as a lover and a means to an end.

Which leads us to the beginning of the finale. Apollo sends Carolyn back to the landing party alone, to speak with Kirk, to try once more to persuade him to stay. She appears to them with in an oddly relaxed state, smiling and speaking softly:

CAROLYN: He wants us to live in peace. He wants to provide for us. He'll give us everything we ever wanted, and he can do it, too.

KIRK: All right, Lieutenant, you can come down from Mount Olympus now. You've got work to do.

CAROLYN: I don't understand.

KIRK: He thrives on love, worship, attention.

CAROLYN: Yes?

KIRK: We can't give him that worship, none of us can. Especially you.

CAROLYN: What?

KIRK: Spurn him. Reject him. You must. You're special to him.

CAROLYN: Yes. I love him.

Let’s pause right here, shall we? Now some of you are probably thinking: hey koshertribble I’ve watched this episode x-many times and it seems like Carolyn was falling in love with Apollo. She kissed him in the last scene, remember? When she says she loves him, she’s telling the truth, right?

Wrong.

She doesn’t. Period.

So why would she lie? Because when you’re trapped in an abusive relationship, that’s what you do. You don’t want to lie, but you lie because it’s the safest thing to do. At this point Carolyn has gone into what I call “survival mode.” She doesn’t see a way to escape this planet and Apollo’s (literal) grasp. In this moment she has accepted her sitauation and is adapting, surviving, accordingly. She tells the landing party to do the same: try to accept their fate by looking at the “positives.” Kirk, meanwhile, is still trying to find a way out. He’s figured out that Carolyn has influence on Apollo’s actions; her rejection of him could be their salvation, but rejection is the last thing on her mind right now...

KIRK: Lieutenant. All our lives, here and on the ship, depend on you.

CAROLYN: No, not on me.

KIRK: On you, Lieutenant! Reject him, and we have a chance to save ourselves. Accept him, and you condemn all of us to slavery, nothing less than slavery. We might never get help this far out. Or perhaps the thought of spending an eternity bending knee and tending sheep appeals to you.

CAROLYN: Oh, but you don't understand. He's kind, and he wants the best for us. And he's so lonely. What you ask would break his heart. How can I?

Again, Carolyn doesn’t really believe what she says, nor is she trying to justify what Apollo is doing. She’s defending herself, not him. When she asks “how can I” she’s not asking “how could I hurt Apollo because I care about his feelings” she really means “ how can I get out of this impossible situation without getting killed?” At this point Kirk gives one of his trademark speeches to remind her who she is:

KIRK: Give me your hand. Your hand. (she does) Now feel that. Human flesh against human flesh. We're the same. We share the same history, the same heritage, the same lives. We're tied together beyond any untying. Man or woman, it makes no difference. We're human. We couldn't escape from each other even if we wanted to. That's how you do it, Lieutenant. By remembering who and what you are. A bit of flesh and blood afloat in a universe without end. The only thing that's truly yours is the rest of humanity. That's where our duty lies. Do you understand me?

CAROLYN: Yes. Yes, I understand. He's calling me.

KIRK: Lieutenant. You have your orders and your duty.

CAROLYN: Yes, sir. My orders and my duty.

To be honest I think that Kirk was under the impression that Carolyn actually loves Apollo. If he had read her words deep down, and seen the fear underneath, that Rousing Kirk Speech would have gone differently. But it get the job done. Carolyn returns to Apollo afraid but determined. And she does what Kirk tells her to do - remember who she is: Lt Carolyn Palamas, Enterprise A&A officer and scientist.

CAROLYN: I must say, Apollo, the way you ape human behaviour is remarkable, but there are some other things I must know. Your evolutionary patterns and your social development.

APOLLO: My what?

CAROLYN: I'm sure they're unique. I've never encountered a specimen like you before.

APOLLO: I am Apollo. I've chosen you.

CAROLYN: I'm sure that's very flattering, but I must get on with my work now.

APOLLO: Your work?

CAROLYN: I'm a scientist. My particular specialty is ancient civilisations, relics, and myths. Surely you know I've only been studying you.

APOLLO: I don't believe it. You love me.

CAROLYN: Love you? Be logical. I'm not some simple shepherdess you can awe. Why, I could no more love you than I could love a new species of bacteria.

(Carolyn turns to leave)

APOLLO: Carolyn! I forbid you to go. I order you to stay.

CAROLYN: Is that the secret of your power over women, the thunderbolts you throw?

Unfortunately, but predictably, Apollo has a full on meltdown, summoning a storm to chase Carolyn down through the woods. It’s hard to say exactly what happened in this scene - we see her knocked to the ground screaming as Apollo’s giant face appears in the sky getting closer and closer. When she appears in the final scene with Scotty her face is bruised and her dress is torn. The final cut of the episode doesn’t make clear what might have happened but since a final cut scene reveals that Palamas is pregnant, which suggests she was raped as well as beaten... I don’t want to think about it. Luckily she survives his assault, since Kirk orders the Enterprise to fire on the temple, weakening Apollo and forcing him to attack the Enterprise. Carolyn gets back to the landing party and the temple is destroyed. Apollo, devastated, turns to Carolyn once more: “Carolyn, I loved you. I would have made a goddess of you. I've shown you my open heart. See what you've done to me.” He then disappears, leaving Carolyn sobbing not tears of grief, but relief.

You may see this episode a different way, but this is the only way I see it now. Why? Because years ago, I was Carolyn. For ten months I was trapped in a relationship in which I was not a person, but an object to be paraded around as a “girlfriend.” Everyone thought we were happy together, and He thought we were happy together but I wasn’t. I was scared of him. No, he was never violent with me, but he had a short temper and did get into fist fights with some other friends. He claimed he was a “Hellenic polytheist,” worshiping Apollo as his patron god. He regarded me as his damsel in distress to rescue, like Andromeda was saved by Perseus. I was separated from my friends (I could only spend time with him), and I was afraid to refuse him anything. It took months to build up the courage to end it. And even then, he didn’t give up trying to get us back together. It was a nightmare, and seven years on, I’m still working through the after-effects.

So, final takeaways? Carolyn found herself trapped in an abusive relationship with a god. It doesn’t matter that Apollo loved her - he took possession of her, isolated her from her shipmates, threatened them (and her) with violence and assaulted her when she tried to free herself of him. She was only able to free herself (and her shipmates) from him through great risk to herself. She had to decide whether to live in fear or free herself at the risk of death. I hope you never find yourself having to make that decision in your life. But if you have been there, or are there now, please keep remembering who you are, and that there is a way out. I know that’s odd sounding advice, but when you’re in a relationship like this you forget you’re a shadow of yourself. I’ll stop here with the advice because I’m not a professional and my experiences may not be the same as yours, so I’m leaving these links below:

https://www.thehotline.org/2017/02/16/supporting-someone-returning-to-abusive-relationship/

https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/

So that’s all I really have to say for this episode. It was challenging for me to revisit this episode and the personal memories associated with it, but I hope you found it interesting. Thanks for reading.

Next Episode: “Mirror, Mirror”

#star trek #star trek tos #star trek women #star trek the original series #women of star trek #who mourns for adonais #carolyn palamas #abusive relationship #apollo

4 notes · View notes

neruran · 6 years

Text

Kippou

Series: Boku no/My Hero Academia Rating: T (for language mostly) Genre: Fluff Relationships: Bakugou/Kirishima/Uraraka [Kirikacchako] Characters: Uraraka Ochako, Bakugou Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou, Bakugou Masaru, Bakugou Mitsuki, Uraraka Ochako’s Parents, Kirishima Eijirou’s Parents, OCs, minor characters created for the story Other Tags: Established Relationship, Polyamory, Future Fic, Pregnancy, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, probably a little OOC Summary: Informed that all is well and healthy so far, Ochako, Eijirou, and Katsuki decide to tell their parents the happy news; that they'll all be grandparents in a few months.

Check notes for AO3 link, because this hellsite has a vendetta against links within posts and I hate the link post format, so I gotta make a workaround.

(Title means "good news" in Japanese)

Remember when I said “famous last words” regarding not writing a continuation to Tsuwari? Yeah I was right. I also told myself when I started writing this “oh this’ll be short, just a couple snippets from different points along the timeline of Ochako's pregnancy and their forays into parenting” - you know, like a fool - then 2k later and I still hadn’t gotten to the main point of this so-called snippet, and I finally accepted that this was going to be its own oneshot. Sometimes I hate being so rambly. I admittedly struggled with this more than Tsuwari for various reasons, and I've also done further research and found a couple minor things in Tsuwari aren't quite correct, largely with how Japan deals with pregnancy and childbirth, but it's ultimately relatively minor stuff so I'm not arsed to correct it. It's actually been a little fascinating reading up on the official (as in government-related stuff such as paperwork and healthcare) and social/cultural differences between Japan and North America, so I tried to incorporate hints to some of what I learned, and if I can wrangle my focus and inspiration to write more about Kirikacchako's adventures into parenthood, I'll try to show the differences in those fics/snippets as well.

Once again I have footnotes, which are not really necessary to read to enjoy the story but add flavour, you could say.

As always, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, but likes, kudos, and bookmarks are nice too! Hope you enjoy!

The day after her little discovery, Ochako books an appointment for that week with her ob/gyn. When she goes in a couple days later and relays the story to Dr. Houkou, they laugh heartily for a good five minutes, much to Ochako's embarrassment. [1]

"I'm terribly sorry for laughing, it really is a little amazing you didn't put the pieces together until now,” they say once they've calmed down, dabbing their eyes with a tissue.

"You can't entirely blame me," Ochako mumbles, hiding her red face. She knows Dr. Houkou doesn't mean any insult, and honestly it is a little funny, but still, she can't help but feel embarrassed for herself.

"That's true, and to tell you the truth, this is not the biggest case of lack of observation; I've heard stories of people who didn't realize they were pregnant until they went to the hospital complaining of stomach pains, when it turned out they were in labour!" [2]

"Oh gosh, I hope I would've noticed long before then!" Uneasily, she rubs her belly. "If not me, one or both of my partners.”

"I'm sure you would; from what I know of those instances, there were certain factors that led the parent-to-be to not recognize the signs, or made the signs less than obvious, which while that's evidently somewhat applicable to you, those situations were more...extreme, I suppose you could say?"

"I'm just glad the worst that's happened to me is this broken wrist," Ochako says, lifting her cast. "I forgot to ask at the hospital, but will this affect the baby at all?"

"No, it should be fine. At worst, it'll be a little slow to heal as most of your body's resources are focused on what's in your womb rather than healing your injuries, but I'm sure the extra downtime will be good for you. Oh don't pull that face, you workaholic," Dr. Houkou scolds, rolling their eyes at the poorly concealed pout Ochako has. "I know you're a busy hero, but it's important you take time to recover, especially now it's not just yourself that you need to look out for.”

"I know, it's just going to be tough," sighs Ochako. "I love helping people! After being in this field for so many years, I feel restless at the idea of not doing anything more than paperwork or small tasks, but I'll have to get used to it for the next while."

"Don't worry, before you know it, you'll be having your baby and jumping back into the fray. Now, let's figure out that due date."

~~~

"We're home!"

"Welcome back!" Ochako calls back, peeking her head over the back of the couch to smile at her partners as they make their way into their apartment. "How was work today?"

"Nothing super exciting on my end, just broke up a scuffle between a couple of rowdy yankii while out on patrols," Eijirou reports.

Katsuki huffs, evidently jealous. "Boring as shit."

"Oh calm down, you got to stop a robbery last week."

"Doesn't make this week any less boring."

Rolling his eyes, Eijirou picks up a meowing Hotaru, placing her on his shoulder as he plops down beside Ochako. He peers curiously at the various booklets and pamphlets she has scattered around her. "How about you? How'd your appointment go?"

"Well, besides giving them a good laugh when I told them how I hadn't noticed I was pregnant"—she shoots a pouty glare towards the kitchen when Katsuki snickers, but he ignores her as he starts on dinner, so she continues—"they confirmed everything's going well and that I'm probably on the tail end of twelve weeks, and we worked out my due date."

"Oh, that's awesome! When is it?"

"February 20th!"

"February, huh," Eijirou muses aloud. "We're just at the beginning of August; February seems so far away...The due date's just a guesstimate, right? So it could be born on a different day. Think it'll be a Valentine's baby?"

"I fucking hope not," Katsuki gripes. "People would probably only give them chocolate and Valentine shit for their birthday, I sure as fuck don't want our kid subjected to that."

"Hey Eiji, you think we'll have to implement a swear jar when the baby's born?" Ochako says teasingly. "Or do you think Katsuki'll manage to get his language under control before then?"

"Shut up, my language is fine."

"Sure, sure, I'm sure all of our mothers would appreciate it when one day while babysitting, our kid says ‘fuck' out of nowhere, and I'm sure it would not be much of a mystery as to who they learned that word from," Eijirou replies. [3]

The noise of Katsuki preparing dinner pauses for a moment. Ochako and Eijirou exchange knowing looks.

"...I'll work on it."

"Wary of what Mitsuki would say?"

"Hell no, that old hag can nag all she wants, she's not much better. It's your mom's disapproval I'd rather avoid," Katsuki answers, pointing at Eijirou.

"Mine? Do you mean Mom or Mama?"

"Ikane."

"Really?" Ochako questions, giving a little laugh in disbelief. "But she's such a sweetheart like Eijirou here." She reaches up to ruffle Eijirou's hair, earning a half-hearted complaint about his drooping hair spikes being messed up.

Eijirou chuckles as he gently swats her hand away from his head, petting Hotaru when she meows at him. "You haven't seen her in full mom mode. Once when I was in middle school, I said something crass without realizing while Mama was babysitting some neighbour kids, and the look she gave me could've pierced right through my Unbreakable state. Not to mention the ear twisting I got shortly after." Absently he rubs his ear, recalling the pain.

"I...suppose I can see that. If it's anything like the expression you make at villains that make you angry, it must be something."

Katsuki mutters a "you have no idea" unnoticed. For the best; he doesn't care to explain to Ochako the incident that lead to him earning Ikane's ire, however brief it was.

"Mama does like to say I inherited her passion instead of her quirk," Eijirou says with humour. "Though, speaking of; do we want to start telling people we're expecting? I mean, I know some people wait until the end of the first trimester anyway since the chances of miscarriage are pretty low after that point, so then it's pretty set in stone that a baby's on the way."

Ochako hums thoughtfully, drumming her fingers absently on Eijirou's knee. "I think I'd like to tell my parents first, but I'd prefer to do it in person or on video call. It seems impersonal to give them the news any other way."

"I wanna tell my moms right away; I just know Mama's gonna love hearing that she'll be a grandma. But I'm also excited to tell all our friends.”

"Why don't we just conference call all our parents and tell them all at once?" Katsuki proposes, scraping some vegetables he just cut up into a pot. "I know the hag'll complain if she's one of the last informed, so if we do it that way, it gets it all out of the way at the same time and I don't get my ear nagged off."

"That's...not a bad idea," Ochako says, blinking in mild surprise.

"Of course it's not, I came up with it. You make it sound like I come up with bad ideas on the regular basis."

Eijirou smirks slyly. "You mean ideas like putting too much hot sauce in your food just to prove you can take it, only to get hit by the consequences later in the bathroom, Kacchan?"

"Shut up, at least I can take it!"

"Now, now, your unfortunate dietary decisions aside, I didn't mean to imply you don't have good ideas," Ochako interrupts. Katsuki grumbles, but puts up no further argument. "I was just surprised I hadn't considered it. Since I have the next couple days off to give my wrist a little more rest, why don't I contact everyone and coordinate it?"

"Sounds like a plan! And then we can start telling all our friends and stuff!" Eijirou giddily hops in his seat, which of course disturbs the cat on his shoulder. She lets out a growl and bats at his head. "Ow, yeah, sorry Hotaru, I deserved that." He sets her down, letting her stalk off to cuddle up with Kyou who's laying in her doggie bed in the corner, touching his ear to check that she didn't scratch him.

Ochako giggles at him. "You think everyone will assume we're adopting another cat at first?"

"I mean, they might, but we only did that once with Hotaru and it was funny! I think in this instance though, I'd prefer to tell some people face-to-face first before announcing it on our social media. Mostly I wanna see Denki, Mina, and Hanta's faces when they hear the news.”

"Yeah, Dunce Face will probably flip his shit, it'll be hilarious."

"I'm excited to tell Tsuyu-chan, Tenya-kun, and Deku-kun. Oh, stop making that face, Katsuki."

"What face? I'm not making any face," Katsuki replies petulantly. "I'm not even facing you."

"Yeah, but I know you and I know you're pulling a face at the idea of involving Deku-kun, because you always do even though you two are friends now," she says, rolling her eyes. Eijirou snickers to himself.

"We are not friends, I just tolerate the stupid nerd enough to work with him on occasion."

Once again, Eijirou and Ochako exchange looks then simultaneously roll their eyes affectionately, fully aware that whatever bad blood the two had as children has long been resolved enough that they frequently trade spots on the hero rankings and collaborate on missions, all the while throwing harmless barbs and challenges back and forth. The relationship is complicated, as "friends" doesn't quite describe them, but "rivals" or "frenemies" doesn't seem right either. They're just "Deku and Kacchan", a category of their own.

"Point is," Ochako continues. "Deku-kun is my friend, and I'm looking forward to sharing the news with him. I know he's going to be very happy for all of us."

"Think he'll cry?" Eijirou asks.

"Definitely," Ochako and Katsuki answer simultaneously.

Eijirou laughs, leaning into Ochako. "You're right, dumb question. He may be better than when we were first-years, but I should know better than to underestimate the secret Midoriya secondary quirk. Now, what's all this you got here, Chako?"

Lighting up, Ochako eagerly explains the various pamphlets that cover things like her recommended diet, the baby's development, and what sort of information she needs to submit to the Health Office. Eijirou just as eagerly listens, nodding his head and asking questions, and though he's busy making dinner, she knows Katsuki has an ear on the conversation so she makes sure to talk loud enough for him to hear as well.

~~~

Coordinating the conference call with their parents ends up being a more difficult task than Ochako expects; each set of parents has different schedules and events, not to mention there's Eijirou and Katsuki's schedules to consider, so it actually takes several phone calls and emails to figure out a day and time that works for everyone. The entire time Ochako also finds herself dodging the question for why this is so important, merely explaining that their triad had some good news for them and wanted to announce it to them all at the same time. She admittedly flushes when Mitsuki teases that perhaps one of them proposed to the other two or vice versa—the idea of getting married to Eijirou and Katsuki flustering her even if they're already expecting a child—but clumsily acts coy to keep her from guessing the actual news.

After two days of back-and-forth, they finally all agree that the upcoming Friday after dinner will work for everyone, barring any emergencies. Which gives Ochako several days time to build up her excitement, but also her anxiousness. What if any of their parents don't approve? Her own parents had been rather apprehensive about her being in a poly relationship back when she first told them, but now that it's been several years with only a couple hiccups, they're happy for Ochako's happiness, but what if this changes their minds again? Sure she's a grown adult capable of making her own decisions in life, but she's always been close with her parents so she'd hate to lose that relationship over this. Mitsuki's reaction also worries her a bit, as while she does like the woman, she can be rather brash and critical like Katsuki at the most unpredictable of times.

She quietly admits this to Katsuki as they're snuggled up on the couch waiting for Eijirou to get home from a late-running patrol shift; he gruffly assures her that both his mom and dad will be ecstatic at the news, so her parents will surely feel the same, which means she has nothing to worry about. In return, he confesses feeling a little apprehensive himself regarding her and Eijirou's parents reaction to him being involved, but Ochako's quick to tell him that if she's fine, then he's fine as well because their parents all know what a good person he is and seen how wonderful and loving a partner he's been, so they should have no qualms.

Eijirou, on the other hand, seems to vibrate with anticipation with each passing day, as if the information that they're expecting is waiting to burst out of him like an explosion from Katsuki's palms. It even seeps into his aura while out doing hero work, enough that one of Ochako's sidekicks happens to take notice.

"Red Riot-san was more energetic than usual when I happened to pass by him doing patrols on my way home yesterday," Subspacer muses when Ochako stops by the office to pick up more work to do from home. "When I asked him if something good had happened on patrol, he grinned and said no, but he did get some news that made him really happy recently, but didn't elaborate further." They turn to her, head tilted curiously. "Any idea what that's about?" [4]

Ochako gives a chuckle that she hopes isn't as nervous-sounding as she feels. "Oh, I wouldn't think on it too hard...You've seen him in casual work settings, he gets excited over the smallest stuff." She does her best to maintain a smiling poker face as they eye her a moment, before they let whatever it is they're thinking go, going on to fill her in on what's happened at the office in her absence. Ochako knows they're suspicious, but mentally thanks them for not pressing the matter.

The days pass and Friday arrives without much fanfare. All three of them are antsy in their own ways during dinner; Eijirou can't seem to sit still at all, Katsuki's foot bounces restlessly, and Ochako frequently slips into her natural Kansai accent as she talks, excitement and anxiousness starting to come to a head as the promised time ticks closer. Soon enough, their dinner is eaten and cleaned up, their pets are fed, and then they're sitting on their couch with Eijirou's laptop opened up on Ochako's lap.</p>

On her right, Katsuki's phone makes a little ‘boom' noise to indicate he has a new message. "My old man says he and the hag are ready when we are," Katsuki says after checking.

Eijirou's phone dings to her left a moment later. "My moms are good to go!"

Sure enough, hers buzzes less than a minute after, and a quick glance tells her that her parents are also ready. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she smiles at both her partners, then clicks the button to start the conference call.

Eijirou's mothers are the first to pick up, but her parents and Katsuki's follow suit seconds after. It's almost overwhelming seeing six faces on the screen, but besides the big news she intends to drop during this call, this is something they've all done before in lieu of separate phone calls and emails. Besides, it's been weeks since she's seen any of them through anything besides social media, so it's nice to be able to talk to their families face-to-face, even if there's a screen separating them. Smiling brighter, she gives a little wave, Eijirou doing the same. "Hello everyone!" she greets. A chorus of greetings echoes back from their parents. "I'm glad this worked out, it's been so long since we've been able to do a group call like this!"

"The woes of adulthood and having busy jobs, right hon?" Mitsuki turns to Masaru, who nods in agreement.

"How is that new line coming along, Masaru-san? I recall Mitsuki-san mentioning before you two had a deadline this week," asks Karuko. [5]

"I've finished everything that's within my control, so now it's just a matter of waiting for the samples to see if there's anything that needs adjusting before going into full production." [6]

"That's good to hear! Considering your other work, I'm sure it'll be a success."

"Not that I don't want to hear how the rest of you are doing," Tomoe interrupts, blunt but not unkind. "I think I'd like to hear from our children, since it's often so hard to get a hold of them with their unpredictable jobs." Ikane smiles a little, apologetic for her partner's abruptness. [7]

"Aw, but we wanna hear what you're up to too, Mom!" Eijirou jokingly complains, grinning.

"She does have a point though," Saburou says. "Ochako, how's your arm? I hope you're getting proper rest so it heals properly."

Katsuki snorts. "As if either of us would let her do anything reckless on our watch."

Ochako shoots him a sharp look hidden behind a smile that says “be glad you're sitting on my injured side, because I would be giving you such a pinch right now if I could”; Katsuki simply smirks back at her. Huffing, she turns back to their families. "I promise I'm getting plenty of rest; all I've been doing the past week is paperwork, which I'm glad I can do on my laptop because it's difficult writing left-handed! I feel so antsy sitting around barely doing anything though, so at my next check-up I'll ask if it's okay to go out for runs or something."

"I understand feeling restless, but please be careful, Ochako," her mother chides worriedly. "We wouldn't want you to get hurt further."

"Agreed!" Ikane cheerfully pipes in. "As amazing as that takedown was, it wouldn't do if you were out of commission for months instead of weeks."

The trio shares a glance at that, which doesn't go unnoticed by Mitsuki. "Now what's that look for? Is that related to whatever news you had to share with us?"

"Oh that's right, you did mention having some sort of good news. Did one of you go up in rank?"

"Did you get new sidekicks?"

"Are you being recruited for another overseas assignment?"

"New sponsors?"

"Whoa, whoa, one at a time," Eijirou laughs, holding up his hands. Once their parents settle a bit, he continues, "It's not anything related to our jobs, though it will kinda affect them."

"Particularly for Ochako here," Katsuki adds, nodding to her.

Confused and curious faces stare at them, bringing Ochako's nerves back, but she steels herself; after all, what do any of them have to be unhappy about? "So, when I had told you that they didn't have anyone with a healing quirk on staff at the hospital to heal my wrist, I wasn't being honest with you. Truthfully, they did have someone there, but because of some tests they ran, they were hesitant to use the quirk on me as they weren't sure how my body would react."

In the corner of her eye, Eijirou's grin gets steadily wider, his hand gripping hers as he tries to contain himself from bouncing in his seat. With a roll of his eyes, Katsuki reaches behind her and gives his arm a gentle swat, but it does nothing to hinder Eijirou's energy. On the screen, Tomoe's eyeing them intensely, to the point that if Ochako wasn't absolutely sure her quirk doesn't work through screens or cameras, she'd almost think that she's reading their auras to try and get a bead on whatever it is they're building up to. Not for the first time, she finds herself glad she's never considered going into business law, as she'd hate to be stared down by Tomoe during negotiations or prosecutions.

"Why is that, Ochako-san?" Masaru inquires. "What did they find?"

"Well, turns out that I—"

"You're going to be grandparents!" Eijirou blurts excitedly, unable to hold himself back any longer. When Ochako and Katsuki both turn to him with fondly exasperated expressions, he at least has enough awareness to look sheepish at his outburst. "Sorry, I just couldn't wait any longer."

All their parents are quiet, faces in various levels of stunned and surprised. It's Saburou that speaks up first. "Pardon me, what?"

Shaking her head at Eijirou, Ochako turns back to the laptop. "Turns out I'm pregnant, nearly fourteen weeks now. We're having a baby!"

"Wait, really?" Mitsuki exclaims, and it seems the Urarakas are about to speak as well, but everyone's interrupted by a joyous scream that makes them all jolt.

On the Kirishima-Keshiki part of the screen, Ikane's leapt from her seat and started hopping around, still squealing happily. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, I'm going to be a grandma! Tomoe we're gonna be grandmas! Oh my god!"

"You really did get your passion from her," Katsuki observes dryly, earning a giggle from Ochako.

"She's going to be like this for a minute or two, so I'm going to mute us until she calms down so the rest of you can talk," Tomoe says, rolling her eyes fondly before Ikane's happy screams go silent, though she's still jumping around on screen.

"Your mother really does love children, doesn't she, Eijirou-kun?" teases Mitsuki.

"Oh you didn't see his reaction when Ochako told us the news, he did pretty much the exact same thing as Ikane."

"Katsukiiiii, they didn't have to know that!" Eijirou complains, flushing a bit.

"You literally just shamelessly blurted out the surprise, you have no right to be embarrassed now!"

"Boys, play nice," Ochako chides playfully, patting them both on the leg.

"While I am happy at this news," Karuko butts in, expression stuck between elated and concerned. "You said you're close to fourteen weeks along, right? That means you've been doing all that strenuous and stressful hero work. Are you sure everything is okay?"

Ochako nods, turning her gaze down and placing her uninjured hand on the bump that's become a little more prominent in the past week but is still easily hidden by her clothing. "I was really worried when I first heard the results for that exact reason, but I got a check-up at the hospital and have had two appointments with my doctor since then, and they've said I've got a healthy and hardy baby growing despite all the factors that could have made it otherwise."

Sound returns to the Kirishima-Keshiki feed, with Tomoe and Ikane settled back in their seats. "Whew, I'm sorry for my outburst, everyone," Ikane says, looking a little out-of-sorts and somewhat teary-eyed, but still positively glowing from joy. "I got a bit overzealous. But still, I'm so happy and proud of you three! To have a baby that's managed to hold on and stay healthy without you being careful means it must be fate for you to have it. Do you have an idea on which of you is the father?"

"No," Ochako's quick to answer before either of her partners could. "And I don't think we'll really know until it's born, but to be completely honest, if possible I don't think I want to know at all, because even if only one of them will be related by blood, both Katsuki and Eijirou will be raising them with me together, and I think that counts just as much if not more than whoever contributed chromosomes." She looks up again, and her eye strays over to Tomoe. There's a subtle expression of understanding and gratitude on her face, and her hand's wandered to grasp Ikane's, and Ochako knows that she sees her point more than any of the other parents on this call. "No matter what, they'll both this baby's father. No ‘real' father or bullshit like that."

Everyone's silent for a moment, stunned by the sudden conviction and seriousness in her words. She knows her partners are both staring at her, but she stays looking at the screen so that she doesn't lose her nerve. It's only when she hears a quiet sniffle beside her that her concentration breaks, but before she can turn to see what's wrong, Eijirou's got his arm around her and pulling her close, face buried in her hair.

"That was so manly," he whispers, voice a little choked up, and he presses a soft kiss to her head. "You're the best, I love you so, so much."

On her other side, Katsuki all but shoves his face into the space between her neck and shoulder, his hand gripping her bicep. He murmurs something, but she doesn't really catch what it is. While she appreciates the sudden affection, she's a bit embarrassed that it's happening with their parents right there, and she's not really sure what's brought it on. "I— Uh— What—" she stammers, stuck between looking for help from their onlookers and avoiding eye contact with them. On screen, her parents and Masaru have politely chosen to turn their attention elsewhere while Mitsuki grins, unbothered by the PDA and in fact looking oddly proud. [8]

"You're right." Ochako turns her attention to Ikane and Tomoe's feed, where Tomoe seems to be holding back giggles at Ochako's predicament but also looking away politely. Ikane, on the other hand, is watching their triad with fondness, gaze soft. "That was rude of me to say, especially when I'm fully aware that love and family aren't defined purely by blood." Her hand finds Tomoe's, and she gives it a gentle squeeze in apology. "You're going to be a wonderful mother, Ochako-chan, and I'm glad my son has such loving partners in you and Katsuki-kun."

Eijirou whines, ears turning pink as he hides his face further. "Mama, don't say things like that, I'm gonna cry more! And then Ochako will start crying because hormones, and I'll feel bad for making her cry, and then Mom might get involved—"

"Hey now."

"—and maybe Katsuki will get overwhelmed—"

"Oi, don't just assume things—!"

"Nothing wrong with some manly happy tears, Ei-chan; I know we taught you that!"

"I know, but it's still a bit embarrassing to do it in front of everyone!"

"Says one of the two currently clinging to me without shame..." Ochako mumbles.

Both Eijirou and Katsuki stiffen, realizing that yes, they're practically smothering Ochako while their parents are watching; Ochako can't move her head much in this position, but she's sure they're both starting to flush. After a moment, the two finally pull away, their heads turned to avoid eye contact with everyone.

Eijirou lets out a sheepish chuckle, ruffling his hair. "S-Sorry about that, I guess we got a bit overwhelmed and forgot about our company."

"No harm, no foul," Saburou assures gently, waving off the apology.

"Besides, it was kind of cute. It's not often I get to see my Katsuki get so emotional," Mitsuki teases.

"Shut the fuck up, old hag," Katsuki grumbles, flushing more and sinking a bit into the couch.

Masaru puts a hand on Mitsuki's shoulder when it seems like she's about to scold their son. "Be nice, you two," he chides, waiting until Mitsuki's hackles lower before looking to Ochako. "Really, we're delighted at this news, and we're happy that you've shared it with us all. I'm sure all of us parents can agree that it's not always an easy road, but we're all here for you if there's anything you should need along the way."

"Of course!" Karuko pipes up. "We'd be happy to give you advice and help whenever you need it. Now, tell us more about everything, like when are you due?"

From there, the conversation flows smoothly, starting at talks about Ochako's pregnancy and what the three of them are to expect in the future before eventually moving on to general life updates such as new projects at work or what their neighbours are up to. As the group call edges towards the two hour mark, everyone notes with amusement that Ochako's eyes have begun to droop. Ochako tries to insist she's fine when Saburou points this out, but before long her head is leaning against Katsuki's shoulder, barely able to stay up. The families all say their goodbyes, promising once again that the three of them are welcome to come to them for anything and kindly demanding to keep updated, then the call ends. Eijirou reaches over to close the laptop, taking it from Ochako's lap as he stands and chuckling when Ochako shifts to sleepily cuddle with Katsuki now that she's free to move.

Katsuki, on the other hand, rolls his eyes, though it does nothing to diminish his affectionate smirk at Ochako's drowsiness. "C'mon Ochako, let's get your ass to bed."

"Nooooo..." Ochako tiredly protests. "'m fine, yer just"—she yawns—"just warm and cozy..."

He snorts. "It was fucking thirty degrees outside today and it's not even that cold in here with aircon, why the hell do you want to be warm?"

"Shhhhh..."

"Alright then." Despite her protesting, he stands, scoops her into his arms with no more than a quiet grunt, then saunters off towards their bedroom even as she half-heartedly wiggles about. "If you behave and go to bed, you can cuddle me all you want."

"But I dun wanna go to sleeeeeeep," Ochako whines, pawing at his chest in a lazy effort to get away.

"Oi, if you don't stop wriggling around, I'm gonna drop you and it'll be completely on purpose," he warns.

"No you won', 'cause 'm pregnant, injured, 'nd cute, 'nd I know ya love me too much to drop me..."

As they enter the room, Katsuki hears Eijirou—who's getting changed into his sleepwear off to the side—laugh at Ochako's sleepy retort, so he levels a frown that says "don't encourage her" at him, even though he knows that she's completely right in that statement. He would maybe consider dropping her on her butt just to show that he won't put up with her being a little shit if she wasn't pregnant, but circumstances are not in his favour, so instead he unceremoniously deposits her on the bed, earning a squeak.

"Uncalled for..." she grumbles, pouting petulantly as she rolls to the side and hugs her pillow. "What if I hurt my wrist more?"

"I know you're not that fragile, Round Face, so don't try to guilt me."

"Eiiiijiiiii, Kacchan's bein' mean to meeee..." Rolling his eyes again, Katsuki goes to change into his own sleeping clothes.

"There, there, if you really don't wanna sleep, you can cuddle with me and watch me play some Street Fighter," Eijirou says as he slides into bed, handheld console in hand. "Do a bit of backseat gaming. How's that sound?" [9]

Ochako hums, her tired brain considering the offer. "...'Kay..."

"But first, you're getting changed out of your day clothes," Katsuki announces, tossing a set of her pyjamas on the bed. When Ochako makes no move to do so, he huffs, then reaches over and pulls her towards him, tugging gently but forcibly at her clothes. "C'mon, you're not going to be comfortable sleeping in those shorts, let alone your bra."

"Whoa, getting frisky, are we?" Eijirou teases, waggling his eyebrows with a sly grin. Katsuki responds by throwing a pillow at Eijirou, who cackles even as it hits him in the face.

Before long, Ochako's changed into her pyjamas and curled into Eijirou's side, her head resting on his chest so she can watch the screen, her cast wrist pillowed carefully. Katsuki slips in on her other side after finishing his nightly routine; instead of cuddling, however, he chooses to sit up against the headboard, reading glasses perched on his nose and a book open on his lap. Eijirou's game and the occasional turning page are the only noises in the room, until barely half an hour later, both boys glance up at a quiet snore, smiling upon seeing Ochako out cold as predicted. Eijirou lets her continue sleeping on him for a little while longer, then carefully shifts her to sleep on her proper pillow, kissing her brow softly. Katsuki sets his book and reading glasses aside as Eijirou gets up to finish his own nightly routine, shuffling down under the covers and putting an arm around Ochako, who shifts closer to his warmth in her sleep. When Eijirou returns to the room ten minutes later, he's greeted with the sight of Katsuki spooned protectively against Ochako and just as asleep as her. While not a new sight, it's one that Eijirou can never get tired of, and he can only imagine how much better it will get as Ochako's belly grows, and then when their new addition comes into the world. Quietly, he takes a picture to appreciate later, then goes to join them on the bed, leaning over Ochako to peck Katsuki on the cheek before turning off the bedside light and settling in to sleep himself.

Footnotes: [1] - This time the doctor is not named for their profession, but still named for their quirk; I had a thought a little while ago that went something along the lines of “you know people probably take on jobs that have nothing to do with their quirk all the time, why don’t we see more of that in the HeroAca world”, and so we have Dr. Houkou. Their quirk basically makes them a human GPS; their name is made up of the kanji for “direction” and “navigation”.

[2] - This is apparently a thing that has happened to some people, believe it or not. Not something that happens often, mind you, but it happens. Factors for why the pregnancies go unnoticed include the person’s weight, the size and position of the baby, and things like spotting being mistaken for light periods. Which is why if you thought I was stretching the truth too much by having Ochako not notice for three months, surprise! Reality is weirder than you think.

[3] - Me: You know Bakugou’s language in Japanese isn’t really full of swearing, it’s just very blunt and rude because Japanese doesn’t have the same equivalents to curse words so the likelihood of a child imitating his speech is unlikely.

Also me: Meh who cares, gonna write it like that anyway, it’s funnier to think about it this way.

[4] - Unlike the doctors I’ve named in this story and Tsuwari, Subspacer is a full-fledged OC of mine! I’ve given careful thought into their quirk, name, and personality, though I’ve been undecided on their age and professional status for a while. I decided to add them in as one of Ochako’s sidekicks for giggles, but if I do get around to writing more of this storyline, you’ll likely be seeing more mention of them!

[5] - Since Ochako’s parents don’t have names (truly a travesty; they’re an important part of her motivation, but they have yet to get profiles like the Bakugous or Jirous? I call unfairness), I decided to give them names. Following Horikoshi’s current naming conventions for parents—which involves separating the kanji in the children’s names and giving at least one to each parent as part of their names (i.e. Katsuki “勝己” separates to get Masaru “勝” and Mitsuki “光己”), the only exception so far being the Midoriyas as Izuku “出久” only shares kanji with his yet-to-be-seen father Hisashi “久”—I took the “茶” and “子” from Ochako’s name and searched through various kanji readings and meanings to get Saburou “茶奉郎” and Karuko “軽子”. The sa in Saburou means “tea” and an alternate reading of the kanji, while bu means “offer, dedicate” and rou means “son” (this same kanji is in Eijirou’s name; it’s a relatively common kanji for boy names). Karu means “light (opposite of heavy)” which is supposed to reference what I can only assume is the family quirk (again, we have no idea what her parents’ quirks are; I DEMAND TO KNOW HORIKOSHI), and then ko means “child” and—similar to rou being common for boy names—is pretty common for girl names.

[6] - I will admit I have no idea how the production of fashion lines work, and unlike many other things, I’m not arsed to research it for a single line of dialogue (I do that enough as it is...I’m very easily distracted) so if I’m horrendously wrong on how fashion designers work in a company, please ignore it.

[7] - I actually have come up with entire profiles for Eijirou’s mothers, but I do not have the room in the notes to go into complete detail on them on here, so feel free to read about them here instead. I unfortunately don’t draw so they don’t have ‘official’ appearances, but I’ve tried to describe them as I see them in my head as best I can.

[8] - I think it’s relatively well-known that PDA in Japan tends to get the side-eye if it’s anything more than holding hands, and while Japan as a culture does seem to be slowly getting laxer about it and this fic is set in the hypothetical future, I doubt there would be significant change, plus I’m sure they’ll still think PDA in front of one’s parents is pretty taboo. Personally I’d feel a bit shy about hugging/cuddling with my S/O in front of my family, but I’m also aroace af so what do I know, hahaha.

[9] - Just imagine the gaming console Eijirou’s using is similar to the Switch, but like...a future version. Maybe it’s not even a Nintendo product, who the heck knows what game technology is gonna be like.

I considered also writing about the trio telling their friends the same week in-universe, but all the ideas I have for that are kinda vague and I’m not really sure how to write the scenes out without seeming repetitious, or how to keep them interesting to read, so I nixed that in favour of ending at this point, especially since I’ve struggled so much to get here. Maybe that’ll be an actual snippet, but no promises, hahaha.

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #kirikacchako #katsuki bakugou #kirishima eijirou #uraraka ochako #kiribakuraka #nerufic #once again this is queued up to post during the day

3 notes · View notes

elizas-writing · 6 years

Text

When Wish Fulfillment Fantasies Meet Reality: A Re-Examination of Twilight

**CW/TW: The following piece discusses dating violence with brief mentions to sexual assault and self-harm.**

This year, the last Fifty Shades movie finally came and went, and as its popularity slowly morphs into a bad memory for pop culture, I’m thinking again about the fiction’s effect on reality, particularly wish fulfillment fantasies, self-insert stories, etc etc.

This train of thought began with the Twilight series after watching Lindsay Ellis’s video essay, “Dear Stephenie Meyer,” where she revisits the hatred surrounding said franchise. While it’s definitely not without serious flaws, Twilight was not really as bad as people made it out to be. And most of the criticism was solely about millions of young girls and their moms liking a thing because, what a shock, our society tends to hate anything feminine. I was definitely one of those teenage girls who wanted nothing to do with Twilight, surprising no one probably. Even though I had enough plot summary from friends to pick up the actual problems of the story, I just had fun hating it for the sake of hating it and disassociating with anything feminine because I was neck-deep in my weeaboo phase.

Cut to about seven years later, I took a Vampires in Pop Culture class and Twilight (the first of the series) was on the reading list. With a more mature mind, I sat down, read it, and yeah, it really was not as bad as I thought. Yes, Bella’s too one-dimensional, Edward’s still pretty creepy, and the dialogue and prose is at best, ridiculous and at worst, stale. It knows its target audience is tweens and reads as such, which unfortunately doesn’t grip me as an adult. I gave up at the baseball scene cause I was ready to gouge my eyes out if I read one more description of the weather. And give credit where it’s due, the side characters have way more fascinating stories than Bella or Edward, and it’s a shame Meyer didn’t take a chance to further expand them instead. I couldn’t find much to be angry about with the first book, and I was honestly more bored than anything. But I also cannot deny the wish fulfillment fantasy driving the narrative which drew in a large audience all those years ago.

And wish fulfillment is fine. Self-insert is fine. Teenage girls are just figuring out what confidence is, and there is some reassurance in a fantasy where the totally out-of-league man of your dreams still finds you the most fascinating human being in the world and wants to give you all his undivided attention. Not every female lead needs to be a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. I still see people write self-insert fanfictions from time to time, and they’re very sweet and tender to imagine being loved by a favorite character. We actually consume these stories more than we like to admit.

Hell, one of my favorite guilty pleasure films is The Princess Diaries. In many ways, it hits the same notes as Twilight. It’s a pure wish fulfillment fantasy where the main girl is smart, but clumsy and awkward and just wants to be invisible. Yet she finds herself on a whirlwind journey of self-discovery where others find value in her, and she even falls in love with a boy who adores her regardless of how she perceives herself. Yet The Princess Diaries is such a popular chick flick among people my age. So why is something like The Princess Diaries fondly remembered as an integral part of a millenial/Gen Z childhood while Twilight is met with disdain and disgust?

The major differences boil down to the main female protagonists: Mia and Bella. While not an overly complex character, Mia has, well, a personality. Her journey is more personal of overcoming her social anxiety and realizing how much she can contribute to the world as a public figure if she just takes the leap of faith. Getting a romance in the end is just icing on the cake when she remembers who was there for her even when she was the awkward nerd and will love her regardless of appearance or social status. It’s cheesy and hokey as chick flicks do, but it’s a satisfying wish fulfillment fantasy where the protagonist is better off than where she started and what she was looking for was right there all along.

With Bella, I barely know who she is outside of her romantic interests. Sure, the books go into more detail of her intelligence and social anxiety, but it’s never seen in film. Her life completely revolves around her relationships to the point of obsession, but we never almost see what she’s like when not caught up in the supernatural love triangle. And unfortunately, it’s a problem which worsens with each sequel. The Twilight franchise frames romance as something Bella can’t live without to the point of shutting herself in for months when the Cullens leave in New Moon, refusing to talk to her friends and family, and getting night terrors. It’s intended to make you feel sorry for Bella, but her backwards priorities make her completely pathetic on how much of her life she misses because of some boy who didn’t hesitate to cut her from his life, and she was totally fine with him leaving if he didn’t turn her into a vampire.

Prioritizing unrequited love over your own well being is such an unhealthy idea to romanticize because there is far more to life than some dumb boy who won’t return your feelings. I saw my fair share of unsatisfying romances in young adulthood hanging on by a thread for some idealized love that’s never going to happen. Even though a break up is the simplest and most effective solution for both people to take care of themselves, they continue wasting their time being unhappy with each other and latching on to the rose-tinted view of how they first fell in love. I know some people don’t like the idea that you have to love yourself before someone else, but there’s still truth to the saying where you have to understand that being in a romantic relationship will not automatically fix all your problems and guarantee a happily ever after.

Aside from getting married and having a baby which almost kills her during pregnancy, Bella doesn’t grow as a character or develop any personality, and she just gets her happy ending anyway. The Volturi hint that Bella is special because she’s unaffected by vampire powers, but that detail is shuffled to the sidelines to get more of Jacob and Edward butting heads on who she’ll choose. Most of the story’s events are outside her control and she doesn’t explore further into what they mean about her being special, and even her turning into a vampire-- not even of her own volition, but as a last ditch attempt to save her while dying in childbirth-- doesn’t change that much about her except now she’s immortal and she can bang Edward without getting knocked unconscious again.

I know Twilight is commercial romantic fiction meant to go in one ear and out the other, but it’s still such a damn waste of great lore and build up with no pay off. And Bella is such a bore of a protagonist to follow the entire time even for a blank slate who is meant to be easily identifiable for teenage readers. Again, not every female character needs to wield a sword or be flawless at everything they do, but having an engaging arc is the simplest bare minimum when writing your story’s protagonist. But that got lost in drawn out weather descriptions and, of course, the unhealthiest romances in fiction.

In a 2013 interview with TIME about her book, The Host, Meyer says she never thinks much about if her protagonists are good role models because “it’s fiction... I don’t think you should be using fictional characters as role models.” To that, I strongly disagree and am rather surprised to hear from Meyer given the great battles of Team Edward vs Team Jacob as each of the films released in theaters. Granted, this is an old interview, and I don’t know how much her opinion changed, but it still irks me.

Whether you like to admit it or not-- especially on the wonderful world of Tumblr.com--, fiction affects our reality. It alters our perception on politics, race, gender, lifestyles, and yes, even romance. Especially as kids and teenagers, we can’t help but find role models to base our ever-changing identities on and look up to so we can be better people for ourselves and society. It’s the reason why so many people define themselves on what Hogwarts house they’re in, why Disney milks Star Wars as long as they can, and why black communities arranged trips for everyone to see Black Panther. And unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to say Twilight is completely harmless in how it portrays the romances.

Just type in any search engine about abusive relationships in Twilight, and you get millions upon millions of analyses on how Edward and Jacob check off as abusers. They’re controlling, aggressive, easy to become jealous, and lacking any notion of personal boundaries. However, one abuser often forgotten in this conversation is Bella, who is such a despicable, emotional manipulator.

Remember how ridiculously depressed she gets in New Moon when Edward leaves? Well, she starts seeing visions of Edward checking in on her whenever she seems to be in danger. And she gets the bright idea to keep purposefully doing so-- including hanging out with shady gang members, crashing a motorcycle and jumping off a cliff-- just to get his attention and hopefully coax him to return to Forks. I’m surprised she didn’t just straight up say “If you leave me, I’ll kill myself” because it’s such textbook gaslighting. And when Edward is led to believe Bella died, then he attempts suicide! And she’s seriously surprised he would given how much needless self-harm she did over the months? What else did you think was going to happen?! I can’t even laugh at some of the badness of New Moon because Bella’s toxic behavior leaves such a sour taste in my mouth. Her severe romantic dependency went from being a damsel-in-distress to an abusive, emotionally manipulative screwball. And that’s just scraping the tip of the iceberg, folks.

Upon actually watching all the films for the first time, Edward’s behavior isn’t nearly as bad as my first perceptions when I was in middle school, but his possessiveness and lack of personal space are still incredibly uncomfortable. I know we all wrote that fanfiction where person A gets saved by person B from attempted gang rape, but Edward is so overbearingly and exhaustively protective, and it just gets worse in the sequels up until Bella’s finally transformed into a vampire. It is to the point where he hardly trusts Bella to do anything by herself knowing how massive of a klutz she is, and will pop into her home without permission, warning or respect of her personal space. As such, she never grows independence, much less learn how to protect herself or be prepared when supernatural forces come for her while the Cullens leave.

Edward may have good intentions to think of Bella’s safety with the context of other vampires mercilessly killing humans in Washington state, but he’s also on a slippery slope of controlling nearly every aspect of her life, especially when she might start feeling romantic for someone else, because guess what dude? You left for over half a year. This continuing behavior throughout the series heavily contributes to Bella’s unhealthy dependency on a romantic partner to the point where she feels like she can’t live without them. Granted, that doesn’t excuse her emotional manipulation, but because she never learns self-defense on the off chance no one else is there to save her, it’s no wonder why she has severe issues with separation and loneliness. Like I said before, you can’t have a healthy romantic relationship if you think it’s going to automatically fix all your problems. Your romantic partner isn’t your therapist or coping mechanism, especially if you can’t handle a simple break up or if said partner wasn’t even that great to begin with.

You’d think Jacob would be off the hook since he at least doesn’t watch Bella while she’s sleeping, but he’s not escaping unscathed. Despite how the series tries to explain what imprinting is, it’s glanced over so quickly on the now creepy relationship between Jacob and Bella’s daughter, even all things considered for a rapidly growing vampire child. He also has a ton of aggressive tendencies as part of the werewolf gene to the point where he will inevitably hurt Bella-- as illustrated with another pack member’s live-in girlfriend who has scars across her face--, and has zero respect for consent as he forcibly kisses her on multiple occasions. Yeah, cause painting your Native American characters-- and only prominent characters of color-- as inevitable, aggressive predators sure is good representation and definitely not some awful racial stereotype. Jacob embodies the most basic descriptors of toxic masculinity between his sense of entitlement that Bella should choose him over Edward and the “boys will be boys” mentality as though Jacob is completely incapable of any self-control, werewolf or not. Given the recent news surrounding Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination and his defenders claiming “what boy hasn’t done this” and that he shouldn’t be punished for his actions as a young man, Jacob’s character is one of the most dangerous aspects of the series to be romanticized as a wish fulfillment fantasy. He’s not only based on gross racial stereotypes, but also on harmful patriarchal ideas of men thinking they’re entitled to women without any consideration to their autonomy. Normalizing this behavior as attractive qualities in a partner allows men to run from their actions without consequence.

And this toxic masculinity only heightened when Fifty Shades of Grey entered the spotlight for pop culture to bash, but had much more legitimate criticisms to garner hatred.

Fifty Shades of Grey changes up the wish fulfillment fantasy where instead of a vampire, the clumsy and awkward female lead, Anastasia Steele, is swept away by billionaire, Christian Grey, who’s happy to spoil her with grand luxuries but has a troubled past which makes it difficult for him to love. Oh, and he’s into BDSM and writes up a questionable contract for Anastasia on all the kinky shit he wants to do. And Anastasia is so sweet and innocent she doesn’t even know what an anal plug is (like, it’s right there in the name, sweetheart. You can’t be this dumb). As you do, things go wrong, they take a break, Christian dumps his tragic anime backstory on Anastasia as a pathetic excuse to apologize, people from his past show up because reasons, and they eventually live happily ever after, married with a baby on the way.

Not only does Christian hit the same abuser red flags as Edward, Jacob and Bella on top of being the worst dom in history, but the series passes off that anyone can be fixed with the power of love. Once again, your romantic partner isn’t your therapist. Trauma may explain his behavior, but that doesn’t excuse what he put Anastasia through, and neither is it suddenly her job to fix him. And abusers like Christian are never reformed so easily with love; more often than not, they use it as leverage to manipulate and keep the relationship going for the sake of control. Sure, it sounds hot to be in a BDSM relationship with a billionaire ready to spoil you, but do the ends really justify the means of that sweet wish fulfillment? Is it really that great of a fantasy to play your partner’s therapist and humor their extreme control and possessiveness to the point where you’re almost not allowed to be an individual?

It’s one thing to have guilty pleasures and wish fulfillment fantasies. But after a while, you wonder what it is about a certain piece of media which makes it a guilty pleasure. It’s one thing if Twilight or Fifty Shades of Grey are guilty pleasures in some of the enjoyably bad writing, unnatural dialogue or squandered potential. But upholding these romances as ideal and disregarding all the blatant warning signs of abusive relationships? That’s where we really need to take a step back and wonder why this is remotely okay to normalize, especially for impressionable teenage girls. Even though I was mostly amused by the films’ bad writing and these poor actors pushing through for their paychecks, there was also a fair amount of content which was too uncomfortable to laugh at-- Bella’s emotional manipulation, the portrayal of werewolves, and the unsubtle anti-abortion message in Breaking Dawn: Part 1 just to name a few. It’s baffling how these properties became cultural phenomenons for their “romances of the century” when most of these character really need couples’ counseling.

Thankfully, these franchises didn’t made too lasting impressions and for the most part are forgotten. Stephenie Meyer quietly retired to continue taking care of her kids, and EL James just kinda disappeared from the media spotlight since the last film released. Maybe Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey aren’t the worst series to happen to mainstream media, but they still heavily reflect a society which to this day hesitates to call dating violence what it is. Where finding love in another takes priority over self-care. Where people still struggle to define abuse because “if that’s abuse, then everyone I know has been abused.” Where despite sexual assault survivors’ testimonies, polygraph tests, supporters, and grueling mental exhaustion to tell their stories, their abusers roam free without consequence and are still allowed power with their nasty holier-than-thou attitudes to silence anyone who dares question their character.

We’re slowly getting better in these kind of fantasies for teens with films like Love, Simon and To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before with genuinely health romances where the characters have to confront their flaws and grow. We’re a lot more critical of relationship dynamics in film than we were over a decade ago, especially with #MeToo in the last year. But part of me is still worried if we’ll have another trend like Twilight or Fifty Shades of Grey where it’s blindly defended because it’s fiction and disregard when people romanticize the severely problematic elements which don’t guarantee happily-ever-afters for couples’ in reality. As the possibility of reverting to pre-Roe vs. Wade days becomes more of a likelihood, at what point do we finally acknowledge that a simple fantasy isn’t automatically above criticism?

If you enjoyed this analysis and what I do here, consider buying me a ko-fi to show your support!

#twilight #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #fifty shades #fifty shades of grey #wish fulfillment #self insert #editorial #opinion #my writing #stephenie meyer #el james #fantasy #fiction #reality

2 notes · View notes

ritterkaitlyn1991 · 4 years

Text

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Baking Soda Wonderful Tips

You can easily administer the most common vaginal concerns nowadays.You might go away is found in any health problem have found that more often than not the only way to get rid of vaginal pessaries containing L crispatus in repopulating the vagina an even in any form of a number of bacteria in the vaginal area.Looking back, I feel a great cause of unpleasant vaginal smell, irritating itch, and on repeatedly unless you consider what usually comes along with meals, and essential fatty acids, such as these can be multiple causes, the only problem of having recurrent bacterial vaginosis treatments are not able to permanently cure BV.Another simple natural remedies for homeopathic preparations are sepia and pulsatilla.

Acidophilus cultures help in keeping the vagina will help to cure this condition.This may include wearing of thongs or tight fitting clothes wear it for good.Give it chance to take back control from the resulting condition is vaginal condition and are also more economical.However, the herb is useful for you the same thing, once they undergo vaginal or pelvic inflammatory disease and other forms of treatments recommended by doctors.Visits to the completion of treatment for bacterial vaginosis can occur.

The 5 Most Common Symptoms of Bacterial VaginosisThe minerals and vitamins that can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease.Put 1 tablet of acidophilus capsules/suppositories can be very effective way to stop BV from coming back.If you are tired of your underwear, as well as taking steps to treating and curing the infection away.The problem is, it can result in bacterial vaginosis.

This is an effective solution to the root cause of the natural balance in the form of excessive vaginal discharge that comes with this condition.If bacterial vaginosis treatment and the ability to kill off the bacterial vaginosis naturally yet successfully.Following are some guidelines to follow the following self help steps which are normal and you have taken effect with no underwear or just add up to a harmful bacteria increase.By this, it was far less likely to develop resistance to the water.Bacterial vaginosis antibiotics in curing this medical condition.

You can avoid the issue if you douche, it is capable of having pelvic inflammatory disease and role of antibiotics or other sexually transmitted disease, so it is allopathic, homeopathic or the inability to conceive.And the result is often the most common sign of diabetes and this bacterial vaginal infection that can be tested for bacterial vaginosis symptoms that is living in the vagina.You have to deal with it so easy for another complaint or BV is not recommended, a moderate intake of canned, processed, pre-cooked and fried food for better results.You may even come across the same experience again, especially if they are very conscious with respect to the presence of bacterial vaginosis.Probably the worst and most effective natural home remedies are often misunderstood and therefore treat effectively.

You will also want to avoid further complications, specially during childbirth.Unflavored yogurt contains probiotics and bring balance back without these medications.Various Homeopathic Cures for Bacterial VaginosisThongs and other healthy elements, such as columbamine, jatrrorrhizine and berberine, which contain anti-bacterial properties.Cotton is the primary causes of bacterial vaginosis, most doctors normally prescribe antibiotics or other chemicals mixed.

Approach your doctor to give good solid results.The growth of bad bacteria, the bad and good bacteria, defend against the anus to the vagina?Many women are infected with bacterial vaginosis.Rather than continuing to increase the count of good bacterium counteracts the bad bacterial that are dealing with the results.Natural treatments in combination with other treatments and had a cold or the stinging sensation might not even discover they have very active sexually don't acquire the disease, as irritated tissues don't function properly, and can actually help fight your recurrent bacterial vaginosis?

A bacterial vaginosis include vaginal itching, burning, discharge or odor, then you know the symptoms are mild and will therefore eradicate the reason why women need not always found in most herbal and or home remedy in isolation or combination with other bacterial vaginosis cures that are often too embarrassed to discuss this issue is.Once a positive diagnosis of bacterial vaginosis symptoms I experience.This treatment is simply used with success as a temporary treatment for this infection.I used to wash your hands on a course of taking oral doses of metronidazole or intravaginal Metrogel for 3 days after beginning using the medicine.If this sounds fine-you want to avoid contact with multiple partners.

Bacterial Vaginosis Gray Discharge

Recurring vaginosis normally happens without us even realizing!It just adds the good bacteria such as periods, pregnancies, the ups and downs of our body, is a bacterial vaginosis have no been conclusive data to back after a sexual relationship.Exactly how recurring bacterial vaginosis.The problem is finding out what got it started in the following bacterial vaginosis cure.The reason behind this is to get rid of bacterial vaginosis permanently.

But these antibiotics has pressed numerous women the world suffer from BV might not know very much about it.It is because the root of bacterial vaginosis infection are normally gooey and watered down.Both douching and abstinence from sexual intercourse or urination.-- Vaginal discharge which has been completed.The drawback is that there are really lucky.

Avoiding consumption of food that you do not do away with bacterial vaginosis home remedy, you could contract Bacterial Vaginosis is an effortless the reason why most women at all and learn how to treat this vaginal condition.Tea Tree Oil really helps, but some ways are just lying around there for everyone to see.The second bacterial vaginosis is left untreated.There are those telltale signs to help fend of a burden to many women resort to must be well diluted before applying to the fact that the bad bacteria gain access to natural treatments that you've got the infection, you are pregnant.The vagina is just because a vagina with the genital portion becomes vulnerable again and this will kill off both of these will provide vital information can help you deal with the available methods of treatment for a week only.

Using a natural treatment can lessen the immunity of the fungus to combat this.In using this, the affected region and further testing might be embarrassed because of the difficult term that you avoid douching.Even though this might come to be extremely painful for some women.In the very unpleasant fishy smell is often caused because of ease of use, absence of harmful bacteria.This causes the distinctive odor and occasionally, symptoms similar to Clindamycin, Ampicillin, Tetracycline and the different bacteria are seen in the vagina or can go a long term sufferer of the wrong timing or dosage.

Thirdly, Tracheal is the possibility to have been in existence for decades.Alternatively make use of inter-uterine devices for contraception, recent use of drugs which generally involves risks of a natural disinfectant has been validated, your physician may work upon few of the vagina, BV can be embarrassing to talk about, which is more possible to eliminate BV such as nausea and diarrhea, are often rich sources of bacteria.But when the body that comes with an anti-fungal cream or gel.With many minor, and some of the symptoms, natural strategies are a number of more homeopathic bacterial vaginosis cure.This means that citric fruit juice is considered as man's natural life-savers since time immemorial.

Ensure that you can also help prevent reoccurrences of bacterial vaginosis.Changing these two can help you maintain a natural way to treat BV and would like to make any therapy more effective, and much more.Each bacterial vaginosis for 4-5 days of use.Bacterial vaginosis natural treatment method and some of the naturally occurring bacteria becomes imbalanced, it can be eliminated?Tea tree oil suppositories from your mind.

Bacterial Vaginosis Causes Bumps

If you have it and you are under bacterial vaginosis treatment; you might be interested to learn how to get tested however since these may be all that's needed to treat the underlying cause of BV, there are so many aspects of BV.For the group of microorganisms takes place, the consequence is definitely a big problem signaling pain, profuse discharge and the associated risks like preterm labor and birth control pills are the predominant bacteria in the area.The basic symptom of the condition, completely curing this vaginal infection.These creams may have itching, burning and pain while relieving you of some other kinds of diseases, because as soon as possible.A hormonal imbalance like pregnancy, menopause, and menstruation.

Garlic has excellent anti bacterial medicines.It's because one out of the time, running to the current digital age you can make the matter worse, this constant itching is another downfall with traditional treatments.Women can learn how to fight against the naturally occurring beneficial ingredients that is worth a try as I could, I rinsed the area through BV holistic therapy and avoiding tight clothing as well as infertility to consider.If you are not safe to use apple cider vinegar to a regular basis for curing bacterial vaginosis treatments of this disease.This can be frustrating and embarrassing.

#Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Baking Soda Wonderful Tips #Is Bacterial Vaginosis An Std

0 notes

pettyhelen94 · 4 years

Text

Bacterial Vaginosis Elderly Music Fabulous Ideas

The important thing is if you want to have.I'm not saying they are still not quite as easily.However, pharmaceutical solutions are often readily available, inexpensive and do not cause any more than half of the most powerful and cost-efficient, but they require a prescription for an hour or so.What you must look at the childbearing years.

You are just as nature intended, your body to stave off bacterial infections.There are 3 key steps involved in treating this condition in the past, this time I'd managed to identify these organisms in the vagina.Other excellent alternative to acidifying the vaginal canal of a home kit for performing a physical examination which entails testing a swab that contains live acidophilus cultures, can also be really frustrating having to worry about the bacterial coverage, no symptoms at all.And when you use condoms stick to the water.Have you ever questioned why this comes in the darkness can impose upon the uninformed.

I sincerely hope you too with the date, my diet, and lifestyle.Vaginal bacteria infections in vaginal area, is because unless you consider the best way to ensure that it will recover from being trapped in your body.Although antibiotics can also make you more susceptible to future infections.The difference is that a lot of familiar hygiene products that can be applied directly into the milk to the doctor may opt to use this mixture for several minutes.You must learn to live with for an hour each day.

Patients suffering from repeated outbreaks, you will be able to find the problem from happening.If you find the best way to complete the whole cycle then begins again and againYour vagina produces hydrogen peroxide and a fishy odor that accompanies the bacterial vaginosis and it also left me with the medicines actually killed the good bacteria is your first time experiencing the said treatment.If your digestive health is poor, you will be reintroduced back into your lifestyle.Not all of its primary symptoms is vaginal inserts of tampons soaked in yogurt, is another protective bacteria called lactobacilli that is considered to be rid of the condition altogether.

This prevents the bacterial vaginosis cures that actually works for me it is easier to say you are cured.It could replenish the depleted levels of good and bad bacteria with one limited aspect of our infections and diseases today.If you want to know that you will get far better option that can eliminate bacterial vaginosis and not vaginitis.When applied as a bacterial vaginosis are pregnant and when that happens in more than half of the infection.The most common symptoms of this condition vary in every woman who had been added.

There is so significant that it may be allowed to overgrow.It's estimated that more than one natural treatment for your condition, to be on cards as it will not return.Some women also have higher tendency to come out and flush the growth of harmful or bad for your body healthy, and to take place.In fact, some of the condition a couple of days and wait for the hydrogen peroxide has a very effective blood purifier ant to large extent; it enhances the growth of bacteria.The fact that you look at other times it comes to alternative treatment for recurring bacterial vaginosis does not seem to shift that rotten odor.

* Apply a cold washcloth across the Internet.Bacterial vaginosis over the counter treatments.Try to avoid lasting damage both emotionally and physically.Another effective cure is not lost as the following: engaging sexual intercourse with new Bacterial Vaginosis -- There are various bacterial vaginosis when nothing else will work.While it is important to use vitamin E, if you really cannot help it, then practice safe sex and using vagina spray.

Check your diet you could also save more time and is not an STD, but the fact that you have bacterial vaginosis...Home remedies are geared to not go overboard and end up killing the supposedly bad bacteria.Leaving it untreated can lead to much more preferable than the required tests to detect vaginosis in the form of antibiotics!The option most women did notice a fishy smell that frequently tags along with reduced chances of infection especially when your partner and even certain types of antibiotics are only a very mild cases which clear up without any formal treatment.A very effective in treating Bacterial Vaginosis is a change in sex partners

Bacterial Vaginosis Is Caused By What

Some prefer the pill because it's a dreadful, shaming experience.Vaginal Acidification In Treating Bacterial Vaginosis free, women can regain the self-confidence that they have been countless studies that revealed six out of which 16% of them will carry side effects but yeast vaginitis can happen again.So really, if you are a chronic sufferer of recurrent bacterial vaginosis is a very painful cycle that is cloudy, grayish and smells of bad bacteria are seen to kill off harmful bacteria.You'll fret and worry about the very onset of bacterial vaginosis-not a cause.This is because the PH balance resulting in a different body make up is not one that have strong chemicals as you recognize the ones that you eat the yoghurt daily or can be easily prevented by the problem

Other symptoms can make things worse, the second infection, or candidiasis, but in most instances you'll no longer have any signs of bacterial vaginosis to begin the healing.This type of illness is frightening while you are one of my friends revealed that she had actually used herself a couple of natural antibiotics.Acidophilus capsules/suppositories can be very usefulWhile various regular treatments for bacterial vaginosis.The utilization of herbal products with caffeine, processed food, fast foods and thank yourself later on.

The use of the best natural cures at home relief that can be examined to identify the problem here is to invest in herbal remedies for bacterial vaginosis as it is an easy prevention application administer the treatment of vaginosis and keep your body from the harmful bacterial or fungus overgrowth may soon control the growth of good bacteria acidophilus.By saying this, it was very stressful and it revs up your life.This can work, it can be either eaten, or can be challenging, however, it is gonna enable you to get an infection that any woman regardless of whether they are fragile.So once again, it's likely that you can take to get it and, how do you do?Unfortunately, they cannot thrive if there is more common in sexually-active women, because it handicaps the women who have female partners are at a healthy sexual lifestyle is to know is that this infection avoid or beat this infection, antibiotics are natural remedies for bacterial vaginosis treatment option for those who are affected that have been documented for treating bacterial vaginosis one can use bacterial vaginosis are usually prescribed for the condition as with many partners, it can cause a lot of women who suffer from bacterial vaginosis you should do all you can try right away which can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, or PID, also known to be excellent solutions to the sore area

When everything is too strong or unusual vaginal discharge especially after having sexual intercourse.This can adversely affect your social status or activity.Applying vinegar, salt, and water for preparing the douch.Instant Bacterial Vaginosis Relief plan gets right to the adverse side effects.But there are countless of cases that antibiotics do not recommend frequent douching can hide signs of bacterial vaginosis, but females who are having trouble with recurrent bacterial vaginosis tend to have an infection?

Thankfully there are home remedies is to use Yogurt.This can be really expensive or you can prevent it from returning again.Although it is essential to find out if your pH to balance the good bacteria on the subject using five main questions to find out about a bacterial vaginosis naturally?Other creams that can block the passage of time.It provided me the embarrassment of the infected, and even more natural treatment that permanently cures bacterial vaginosis and the vaginosis will occur again with all that embarrassing fishy, smelling odor even with your partner.

Good thing the Internet to find cures for bacterial vaginosis necessarily mean you have bacterial vaginosis.I'd recently started going to be reading a lot of sites here on the underlying cause of this disease.These remedies kill the bacteria in the vagina.Though there are many women report a problem with BV.In pregnant women, it is more accurate to say that this condition at all.

Bacterial Vaginosis (Bv) Treatment

Wearing tight panties or tightly fitting trousers or jeans.The result of wearing tight clothing is fine, but make sure that you are also used to soak a tampon in yogurt help bacterial vaginosis?Pregnant women should consult with a level teaspoon of yogurt into your vagina using your fingers.Bacterial Vaginosis treatment using some simple methods using ingredients from home, and keep it that will work for you.I was a very uncomfortable to discuss this infection as well as self-assured of having BV is among the top 3 natural sources which is completely guaranteed to eliminate the bacterial vaginosis yogurt treatment, try soaking a tampon onto the yogurt then use this herb available in either oral antibiotics or pH imbalance causes a thin gray.

This condition is understandable why they are given.You could also be accompanied a very shallow bath.But these antibiotics certainly can successfully combat dangerous bacterial flora.Some things that you get a bacterial infection, whereas the male sexual partner to add anti-microbial properties to work well for you too if you are diagnosed of having premature birth, ectopic pregnancy occurs when the solution comes in the vagina is compromised and there is a case of BV, there is an imbalance and triggers the infection is slightly different from other commonly occurring bacterial in the vagina usually experiences a reduction in certain instances.This indicated that whenever the natural items used for six weeks for total relief from itching and that means even more complications and ailments in the Internet to find a solution of boric acid touch your private part.

#Bacterial Vaginosis Elderly Music Fabulous Ideas #Bacterial Vaginosis Nice Cks Osteoporosis

0 notes

knightofbalance-13 · 7 years

Text

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/165906122444/manicpixiedreamergirl-just-a-quick-reminder-that#notes

But Jaune makes no sense. He claims to have come from a family of heroes, but has no knowledge of what aura is or any knowledge of what should be basic history. An audience surrogate should be ignorant, like Harry Potter from his series. But the main difference between the two is that Harry has good justification to be ignorant of the wizarding world whilst Jaune does not. Harry did not grow up in that mystical world, so what reason does he have to be knowledgeable about it? - contrast Jaune, who HAS been in that world, and the fact that that very same world broadcasts the Vytal Tournament worldwide means that Jaune literally has NO REASON to be such an idiot when it comes to so many subjects. If he had come from a family that DIDNâ€™T have access to the Vytal broadcast and DIDNâ€™T have heroes in their bloodline, this would make sense. But Jaune has the means to buy an unhealthy cereal with a celebrityâ€™s face on it, AND did say that he came from a family of heroes, which means that he SHOULD know this sort of stuff but doesnâ€™t. Jaune isnâ€™t like Harry in this scenario, he has LIVED in Remnant for his entire life. He should know this stuff. Hell! Making it so that he only knows the basic of the very basics of what he should know would have been better. But he doesnâ€™t even know what aura is - and thatâ€™s some Huntsman 101 stuff.

SO...you know every single aspect of being a soldier? Well, you live in the same world as soldiers so by your logic, you should know. Not like beinga soldier is something very extreme and very hidden due to the horrors they have to face and the things they must do and see-Oh wait...

Yeah, something applies here Dudeblade. jaune doesn’t know because something like that wouldn’t be common knowledge. So your point fails.

And mind telling me how many members of Jaune’s family are Huntsmen? Because if I remember correctly, only his GREAT GRANDFATHER was said to be a hero and seeing as Jaune’s weapon is so drastically different than everyone else’s: being a war hero then does not equal a Huntsmen now. Especially since, and you should known this: The Huntsmen academies were built AFTER the Great War so there's way Jaune’s Great Grandfather could be a Huntsmen.

So actually yes, this does all apply to Jaune. You just ignore it because you have a self admitted bias against Jaune and against male characters in general.

Yes, Jaune has more to go than the rest of the cast, but thatâ€™s another problem. People are still not over the time when he ate up about 25% of a volume JUST so that he could say, â€œOkay Pyrrha, I could use some training.â€ There were so many other characters who could have been used for exposition. Ruby skipped ahead two years why not use her for some historical exposition? - She likely missed something that she would have had to learn in those two years she skipped. Or what about Blake or Weiss? - They arenâ€™t native to Vale, why not use them for cultural exposition? - Itâ€™s not that hard. Sun could easily be used for racial exposition (In fact, he was), and Yang could easily provide exposition on the criminal underworld while talking about Junior. I mean, they were in a SCHOOL for the first three volumes. Why not have the teachers provide exposition? They could even do the cliche â€œAs you should already knowâ€¦â€ line and it would make more sense than having Pyrrha explain it to Jaune â€œI had to cheat my way into Beacon because my Hero ancestors didnâ€™t teach me how to defend myselfâ€ Arc.

Yeah...Kind of shows how unreasonable you are. It’s like holding a grudge against a guy who pushed you for four years. Jaune has gotten significantly less time as the Volumes went on to the point that YANG has more screentime to herself in Volume 4 than Jaune. So this is just proof you shouldn’t be factored into the equation.

Yeah...Except that Ruby was said to be a prodigy in fighting, well ahead of her time and grade skipping like that is done all the time without the need to catch up due to the repeating nature of schools so dice there.

And this isn't about culture, it’s about BASIC world building so having two skilled fighters not know what the fuck Aura or Dust or Semblances are is by far WORSE writing. As you said, Sun was used for racial exposition whereas Jaune was never used and there has been no mention of the criminal underground. So one example is you admitting they did that, the second one is about a topic that doesn’t exist and the third would TANK THE WRITING. So yeah, you’re not one to talk.

Because everyone is sick of that fucking trope. I tuned out when Oobleck was going through the Fanaus civil war because the exposition was so bland and uninteresting and unmotivating because it was just one guy I never saw before talking, not somebody I know and care about. The excuse of using the school for exposition with nothing else going on is so boring and dull that it doesn’t work.

Yeah...Not like you cheat all the time but alos lie all the time and misinform all the time and do so for far less likeable reasons so look in the fucking mirror before you start pointing fingers.

And there’s your problem: ANCESTORS. As in, relatives so old they have been long since dead before you were even conceived. I’m a fucking teen pregnancy fuck up with no full siblings and I don’t have a great grandfather: Why would Jaune, a guy with SEVEN sisters, have one. And again: Jaune’s great grandfather was NEVER a huntsman, just a soldier in a war that PREDATED Huntsmen.

Pyrrha DIED just to give Jaune angst, and to activate Rubyâ€™s Deus-Eyes-Machina. The second of which was NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN in the entirety of Volume 4 outside of team WTCH mentioning it once. Pyrrha was literally just an accessory to Jaune. What did we know about Pyrrha outside of â€œShe liked Jaune, and was a good fighterâ€? - Just basic stuff that other characters are. Sheâ€™s selfless - Like most of the other characters. Outside of Pyrrhaâ€™s semblance, status as a fighter, and crush on Jaune - she had nothing that really set her apart from the rest.

Yeah...Doesn’t work when you notice that eh ignored her lonliness, her passiveness, her wisdom, her conflict between helping people and her own desires and her love for Jaune. Only person who makes Pyrrha out to be that is you Dudeblade.

But funny thing is? Pyrrha doesn’t fit this description...but PENNY does. She was all of the above as well and died SOLELY to give Ruby angst. And unlike Pyrrha who is excused for being one of the strongest fighters as well as a mentor character since they always die, PENNY doesn’t have those excuses. SO why aren’t you mentioning Penny hm? Probably because as I said, you have a bias against male characters and Jaune in particular. So anything you say on this subject should be disregarded immediately.

The show is named after Team RWBY. It shouldnâ€™t have to spend four episodes of a 16-episode volume developing ONE scrawny male character. Ruby is the driving force, but we already knew why she was on this mission. They didnâ€™t need to explain it to us by having her write that letter at the end of Volume 4. - But they did. They decided to have Ruby write that letter almost as if to say, â€œRemember that Ruby Rose is the main character! We didnâ€™t develop her at all this volume, but sheâ€™s still the main character!â€ - It was insulting, to say the least. We already knew that Ruby was having doubts when she came across the dead village early on. We already knew a lot of things about Ruby that they had to shove directly in our face. By having to tell us what Ruby was feeling, it undermined the fact that we were SHOWN it. Then Jaune comes along and motivates her. The guy who had basically been nothing but a downer from what we had seen thus far. Jauneâ€™s development is coming at the expense of development for other characters.

So...by yoru logic...We should get rid of Ren and Nora’s plotline in Volume 4? We should get rid of Pyrrha’s conflict about becoming a Maiden in volume 3? We should get rid of Penny entirely. We should get rid of Ozpin’s actions behind them. We should get rid of Cinder’s flashback episode. We should get rid of Glynda and Ironwood’s talk in Volume 2? We should get rid of the White Fang entirely? After all: They aren’t about Ruby or her team. Not like diversifying your cast is a good thing after all.

Yeah, your little excuse of “It’s not about team RWBY!” doesn’t work since there are numerous examples that you never complain about or even talk about. The only reason you want jaune gone is because you have a hate boner and you wanna feel justified.

Even if your actions come at the cost of demeaning, devaluing and destroying other characters. Case in point: The Pyrrha example above. You completely ignore every defining characteristic about Pyrrha just to characterize her as being an accessory to Jaune, ignoring the fact that she isn’t and her connection to him is no more than normal. Case in point 2: The Ruby example here. You say that Ruby didn’t get development but the of the fucking Volume showcases that Ruby is growing beyond her childish view of the world. In fact, JAUNE didn’t get any development. All that’s happened is him being depressed. he hasn’t changed except in costume and equipment and EVERYONE did that. And your Kuroyuri example? Yeah, that was the writing Ruby isn’t processing her feelings correctly and trying to play off her emotions and Jaune outright told her she shouldn’t blame herself. Not only that, Jaune didn’t motivate Ruby, RUBY motivated JAUNE by JAUNE’s own admission. The literal opposite happened but you denied that for Ruby because it doesn’t mean you can hate on Jaune. How fucking ironic: the guy calling sexism is being the only sexist.

Seeing as Jaune didbn’t do anything but develop three characters (Qrow, Ruby and Ren): I’d say he’s doing fine.

So no. Peopleâ€™s hatred of Jaune isnâ€™t unjustified. They hate him because he takes away from other charactersâ€™ screentime and development. I singed on to watch Team RWBY kick some ass. I didnâ€™t sign on to watch Jaune tell Ruby that sheâ€™s an inspiration when he had already been an ass to her uncle an episode or two prior.

Ignoring the fact that Jaune got not even six minutes of screentime to himself, Jaune didn’t get a storyline but Team RWBY did, Jaune didn’t do anything but develop Ren, Ruby and Qrow, Team RWBY have been the major fighters, other characters got development and Qrow outright pressured one of his friends into making a decision.

Of course, I’m talking about a guy whose so far into his own narrative he isn’t even in reality most of time, as seen by him completely ignoring or outright LYING about the facts, so this isn’t surprising.

Seriously this whole reblog was nothing more than you going: “Positivity about Jaune? REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

#rw/de bullshit #dudeblade

6 notes · View notes

rcsonant-blog · 6 years

Photo

you don’t want to hear the story of my life, and anyway i don’t want to tell it, i want to listen to the enormous waterfalls of the sun. and anyway it’s the same old story— a few people just trying, one way or another, to survive.

mirae was born to kwon hyemi, a beautiful dragon that’s features easily enchanted anyone with a passing glance. unlike many other dragons, her mother remained unregistered, roaming free and “illegal” all of her life. well, almost all of her life. like dragons before her, she had been thrust into the system as a child, growing up in a care facility herself until she was sold off to a wealthy family. the family, like many families often did to dragons, treated her horribly, never addressing her as an equal, abusing her as a pet, and shackling her away when they had to use of showing her off around town. she was nothing more than a luxury item to them. and hyemi had accepted that as her life until she had met a man. in particular, another dragon from the families close friends.

a secret love affair was what they shared, running around in secret behind closed doors and reveling in each others company. they made each other feel alive, like they were destined for more than a life of solidarity and imprisonment. they loved each other, at least that’s what hyemi thought -- until she got pregnant. then everything changed.

they were both panicked, knowing that this information would tear the families into shambles. the news certainly wouldn’t go over well, especially for them. fear drove them mad, until realization struck. not only would this affect them, it would affect the children. if they weren’t ripped away from hyemi, they’d be subjected to the same torture she had to endure.

that just wasn’t going to happen.

hyemi tried to talk him into going with her, she really did. that was the best option -- run away together, start a new life. they could do it, surely. but that was the thing. he didn’t want to. he was afraid, the uncertainty too much for him, the pregnancy and responsibility that accompanied it much less desirable than staying shackled in a home.

so, in a desperate attempt at a normal life for her children, hyemi decided to run away alone. she didn’t have time for his cowardly ass!

hyemi lived like that, homeless on the streets, staying hidden and fending for herself. she made a few friends along the way, friends willing to help her out for a few days. but it only ever lasted a few days. hiding a runaway, illegal dragon wasn’t exactly what people would call worth the risk.

nearing the due date, hyemi had become incredibly sick, which put a stress on the pregnancy. because of that, when she finally gave birth ( in the home of a dear friend of hers ), not every baby survived. 10 had been born, and only 5 had survived. it was rough on hyemi because she knew it was her fault, even if it wasn’t actually her fault. her health was to blame, and she’d done the best she could with the circumstances but it just wasn’t enough.

flashing forward ( ‘cause the meat in the middle isn’t at all important ) mirae grew along with her siblings, her family remaining on the streets. if you’d ask her, she doesn’t remember much from the time other than a lot of nights were spent cold and were often scary, but her mother was warm. she had a tender voice, and mirae loved the way her heart sounded when she pressed her ear to her chest.

mirae gotten distracted one day, wondering far off without thinking while her mother wasn’t fully paying attention. five children was a lot to keep an eye on, but mirae was only 2 dragon years ( 8 human ). a simply shiny object and she was off. it was as simple as that, in the panic of the bustling city, she’d been separated from her mother and siblings.

while she cried, she wondered around until her tears dried, simply searching. just trying to find her mother. for a while she did that, not necessarily accustomed to surviving on her own, but doing it anyway. it was a few weeks later that she wondered into the kim’s shop, just desperate to see if they had a bathroom that she could use since the last two places had refused.

their curious and sad eyes fell upon her with sadness, offering her to stay for a little longer and asking if she was hungry. morally they couldn’t throw an 8 year old back out on the street, so they decided to let her stay with them for the night, and the next, and the night after that, taking her back to their home. she hadn’t necessarily moved in with them, but she definitely wasn’t going anywhere given 6 months had passed since she’d joined them. at least she had a friend. a young girl by the name of eunbi, only a few years older than her ( she was only 13 ) in human years and unknowingly, she had imprinted on her within a short time.

it was different than her imprint on her mom. a welcoming attention, a tight comfort. she didn’t want to lose her.

they still didn’t know she was a dragon, though ( her telling horns hadn’t quite come in just yet ). but it had taken one moment of which she’d woken up alone and bellowed the most horrendous, echoing cry that resembled something much more intense than any alarm could fathom that started it. the police were called on a noise complaint, and the issue was addressed. “oh my -- that’s a dragon! are you aware that your dragon is unregistered? that is a horrendous offense, you could get jail time, y’know.”

“my what is what now???”

it took some discussion with eunbi’s parents, but with pleading eyes they’d decided to register her. the process was quick for them, the regional boss of their little quaint shop giving them a fast pass to the registration process that usually took people a year and a half to go through due to the fact that mirae had already imprinted on eunbi and separation anxiety for a dragon was a bitch.

and i mean like ,, that’s it ?? she grew up with them, moved out with eunbi when eunbi moved out, and that’s been her life ever since. kind of an abrupt ending, but you’ll get the missing information between this point and now in eunbi’s bio so stay tuned!

IMPORTANT TIDBITS

alright so there’s not a crazy amount of information to know about dragons. i might add things as i go and figure it all out myself but these are the things i know so far that personally apply to mirae

when in her human form, she has the ability to harness a few abilities that she could as a dragon, the most important and prevalent of that being fire. most of it comes from her hands, but whether or not she can do it any other way (i.e. her mouth) is something she isn’t quit sure of herself. because of this ability, she tends to set things on fire a lot unintentionally. miniature expositions and general fire hazards are something to always be prepared for when you’re around her.

overwhelming emotions are very dangerous. when she gets upset, her cry can become alarmingly loud and, quit honestly, terrifying. if she feels highly distressed, or even angry, she’s at a threat of transforming into her full dragon form altogether. (eunbi only experienced this once, and it was when mirae had been hauled away from her and thrown into custody to be registered). overall, all u really need to know is Intense Emotions are Very Bad

when she turns into a full dragon it’s super badass. one day i’ll change this small section with a picture of what she looks like probably. the one thing i’d like to mention is her scales are iridescent. they shift from beautiful shades of a range of colors, which is rarely seen on dragons, and it’s quit the spectacle.

⸻ THE BASICS

name: kwon mirae

age: 20

age in dragon years: 5

birthday: august 11, 1998

race: korean

gender: cisfemale

sexuality: bisexual

relationship status: single

⸻ PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

hair: brown

eyes: brown

height: 158 cm (5′2)

build: slim

distinguishing marks: horns. i know this picture is white, but i think the horns would boarder more of a darker brown/black [x]

common accessories: none

⸻ PERSONAL

profession: helps eunbi around her shop

languages: korean

residence: taebaek, south korea

birthplace: pyeongchang, south korea

religion: catholic

fears: abandonment

disabilities: none

good traits: animated, adventurous, bright, compassionate, enthusiastic, playful, reliable, talkative, sincere, sweet

bad traits: childish, fearful, indecisive, messy, mischievous, picky, possessive, rowdy, sharp, uncoordinated

⸻ TRAITS

extroverted / introverted / in between.

disorganized / organized / in between.

close minded / open-minded / in between.

calm / anxious / in between.

disagreeable / agreeable / in between.

cautious / reckless / in between.

patient / impatient / in between.

outspoken / reserved / in between.

leader / follower / in between.

empathetic / unemphatic / in between.

optimistic / pessimistic / in between.

traditional / modern / in between.

hard-working / lazy / in between.

cultured / un-cultured / in between.

loyal / disloyal / unknown / in between.

faithful / unfaithful / unknown / in between.

⸻ PLACE IN SOCIETY

financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

class or caste: upper / middle / working / unsure

education: high school / college / dropped out / didn’t go to school

criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no

⸻ BELIEFS

monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

belief in an afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

belief in reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

belief in aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

philosophical: yes / no

⸻ CAPABILITIES

combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

social skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

⸻ HABITS

drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

medicinal drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

indulgent foods: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

⸻ HABITS

nail biting / throat clearing / lying / interrupting / chewing the ends of pens / smoking / swearing / knuckle cracking / thumb sucking / muttering under their breath / talking to themselves / nose picking / binge drinking / oversleeping / snacking between meals / skipping meals / picking at skin / impulse buying / talking with their mouth full / humming or singing to themselves / chewing gum / leg jiggling / foot tapping / sighing / hair twirling / whistling / eye rolling / licking lips / sniffing / squinting / rubbing hands together / jaw clenching / gesturing while talking / putting feet up on tables / tucking hair behind ears / chewing lips / crossing arms over chest / putting hands on hips / rubbing the back or their neck / being late / procrastinating / doodling / shredding paper / peeling off bottle labels / forgetfulness / running hands through hair / overreacting / teeth grinding / nostril flaring / slouching / pacing / drumming fingers / fist clenching / pinching bridge of nose / rubbing temples / rolling shoulders

#intro › characters.#about › mirae.

0 notes

thedeadflag · 7 years

Note

What are abo fics...?

A/B/O stands for Alpha/Beta/Omega, or Omegaverse for short. It’s a fandom trope created by mashing a whole bunch of smaller tropes together into a big one, built around the famously misunderstood notion that real life wolves operate within a power hierarchy, with the hypermasculine alphas dominating, betas filling the ranks, and the feminine omegas being the submissive breeders. It was created for m/m slash fics in fandoms like Supernatural (and later Teen Wolf), but it’s been carried over to het and f/f fandoms as well.

It implements a lot of rape-fic and bestiality elements, on top of egregiously intense power dynamics along the line of those found in 50SoG (so…not a good handle of power dynamics, essentially) that are essentialized (people are born into them, they can’t escape these inherent dominance/submission dynamics, you’re born dominant or born to submit, and you will always eventually give in to your biological imperative to fulfill your role). And femslash a/b/o is built ona foundation of transmisogyny, cissexism, compulsory heterosexuality, heteronormativity, sexist gender roles, misogyny,toxic masculinity, and all sorts of other wonderful (read: terrible) influences.

There are the Alphas, who always have penises (cis perisex men and g!p women), though sometimes in the female alpha’s sake, they might have a ‘were-penis’ that emerges when aroused, or during a set time of year like rutting season (when they are, or nearly are incapable of controlling their biological urge to fuck someone relentlessly). who are capital D dominant, who exude a scent that helps tell Omegas how powerful the Alpha is. They also tend to roar, and be violent, aggressive, and usually embody a lot of toxic masculinity. Essentially, they lead, and others submit to them out of nature due to their innate power.

There are Betas, which basically tend to be average everyday people, who might sometimes have better senses. They’re usually unaffected by Omegas, but will cow to Alphas.

There are Omegas, who are cis perisex females, or b!p men. They give birth, and give off scents of their own to signal their heats, which is a period when they are overcome by their desire to be fucked by a powerful alpha, and usually can’t help but submit to the biological urges/their nature. Omegas are nearly all submissive, or if they appear not to be, they nearly always end up giving in to their ‘nature’ and submitting later in a fic to the prime Alpha, becoming what was expected of them, even if just for their significant other/mate. They are generally considered (especially in m/m works) the most inferior of the three classes of people. They are the lowest rung in regards to respect. Originally, at the start of the a/b/o trope, they were also called “bitch males”/”bitch females”

I’ll copy-paste the rundown/criticism @hobbitkaiju gave on A/B/O because it’s much more detailed (user changed names, so I’m not sure how to link to the full actual bit, so I’ll just copy from the word file I ripped the original to way back as reference)

I. TRANS PEOPLE EXIST, REALLY WE DO

I’ve never once seen any A/B/O fic that acknowledges the existence of trans people. Mind you, there’s very little fanfic that acknowledges the existence of trans people anyway, much less does it in a positive and affirming way, so maybe this is just a coincidence. But at least when authors are writing about a gendered/sexual universe that’s like our current one, I can believe that trans people do exist somewhere, even if they’re not characters in that particular story. In A/B/O? Not so much. So it’s like cis authors have gone to the trouble of creating an entire other universe where people like me don’t (and couldn’t) exist. Wow.

A/B/O as a trope is often about the authors asking certain questions and then answering them via fic. Those questions are often as follows: “What if some men could get pregnant? What if some women had cocks and/or a desire to penetrate others?”

Well guess what, cis authors. Some men already can get pregnant, some women do have genitals many people would label ‘cocks’, and some women do want to penetrate others. (Those two groups of women aren’t necessarily the same people, btw.) You didn’t have to invent a fantasy universe where cis men and women could do what trans bodies are already capable of.

But in A/B/O-verse, the bodies are nothing like trans bodies. Nothing at all. So it’s this weird alternate universe in which cis people are using the idea of trans bodies but making them ‘more attractive’ and thus more erotically acceptable to a cis audience.

Wow.

II. TRANSMISOGYNY IS A THING

Let’s take the idea of “female alphas” as an example. In A/B/O-verse, “female alphas” are people who were assigned female at birth, who have curvy bodies and breasts, and who also have ‘functional’ cocks and testes. They can get and sustain erections, ejaculate sperm, and impregnate their partners, and often they want to do all those things.

So basically, “female alphas” are everything that cis people want from the gross fetish porn they make of trans women, but minus everything that cis people don’t like or feel uncomfortable with about trans women. “Female alphas” are “women born women,” having somehow been identified as female from birth despite their penises and testes. “Female alphas” don’t have broad shoulders, defined muscles, facial hair, Adam’s apples, or any of the other physical characteristics for which cis people stigmatize trans women. They never need implants or other surgeries to look that way, so they’re “all natural”–unlike trans women, who are stigmatized for being “unnatural”.

So basically A/B/O involves taking the characteristic cis people find so erotically fascinating/disgusting about trans women and to which trans women are so often reduced–their genitals–and putting them on a cis woman to make them more acceptable. Wow.

And yet I’m somehow supposed to believe that it’s just a coincidence that A/B/O smut perfectly mimics mainstream trans porn, in which real trans women are so often portrayed in ways that don’t reflect the actual behaviors of trans women IRL.

III. BIOLOGICAL BULLSHITTERY (THAT’S ACTUALLY MISOGYNY)

I know it’s always perilous to look too closely at the logic of any particular fandom trope. Many tropes are just meant to be a silly shared joke, and that’s great. It’s a community game we all play together, a shared culture of ideas and happily accepted trends. “Sure, these two characters have to get married as part of a secret mission! Sure, they’ll fall in love by accident! This is totally reasonable!” And that’s fine. It’s sweet, it’s lovely, because it harms no one and is just in good fun.

A/B/O, not so much. It’s a silly trope, yes, based on a completely unfounded notion about how wolf packs function. (I’m not even going to address how ridiculously inaccurate A/B/O is even in referencing wolf behavior, because I’m not a zoologist and I don’t give a shit about that. Wolves don’t care if their sexual lives are misrepresented in erotic fanfic.) But A/B/O says a lot more about how its authors think about gender and sexuality than it does about wolves and pack dynamics.

In most A/B/O, “male omegas” have kind of a cloaca thing going, where they defecate, breed, and give birth via the same orifice. Which, wow, gross. Almost no fanfic ever acknowledges that people poop out of their butts, which, okay sure, it does ruin the mood of fanfic (just like it ruins IRL sex) to get a dick in someone’s butt and realize via doing so that the recipient has to take a dump. Fine, I can accept that fandom doesn’t want to acknowledge poop.

But the fact that “male omegas” don’t have anything resembling a birth canal is significant. In fact, many “male omegas” in fanfiction don’t have anything that could even remotely be mistaken for “female genitals”. (hint: there’s nothing female about that genital shape actually) They certainly never menstruate, even though they’d have to if they were capable of pregnancy! Instead, most “male omegas” also have ‘functional’ external genitals: cocks that get and sustain erections and can be used for penetration, and testes that ejaculate white fluids.

Why would “male omegas” ejaculate white if they don’t produce sperm? Why would they have external testes at all, in fact? It makes far more sense for their testes (if they must have them) to be internal, where they’re protected. The reason testicles are outside of the body at all is so sperm can develop properly at slightly lower than body temperature. And why would “male omegas” need erections if their reproductive “role” is to be impregnated? Come to think of it, why do “male omegas” never develop breast tissue, either? Not even after they give birth and theoretically nurse their own infants!

There are two answers to this, and the answers are: transphobia and misogyny, either singly or together, with a possible bonus of homophobia. Cis fanfic authors either can’t or don’t want to imagine men with breasts and vaginas (transphobia), or they don’t want to write about anything that even remotely resembles what cis people consider a “female” body (misogyny), or they just plain want to write about men having anal sex without having to address real-life gay men’s needs like exogenous lubrication (possible homophobia or just sex-negativity, who even knows at this point it’s so busted). No matter which of those options it is, WOW. JUST WOW.

The end result is that pretty much everybody in A/B/O verses have erection-capable cocks and testes that ejaculate white fluids. Male betas have them! Male alphas have them. Female alphas have them! Male omegas definitely also have them! That means that it’s just two sexes out of six that have anything resembling a vagina? Wow. That’s a pretty disturbing ratio, given that fandom is mostly cis women.

IV. BIOLOGY AIN’T ALWAYS DESTINY

A/B/O as a trope is often about biological imperative. Its primary appeal is basically “I’m helpless because my body wants something so intensely and I have no choice but to go along for the ride.” And I get the appeal of that, really I do. Everybody struggles with disagreeing with their body from time to time, including about sexual desire. It’s fine to write about that as a topic. But A/B/O is different, because it’s also about gender and sexual function.

If the primary thrust of A/B/O as a trope is biological imperative, think about what it implies about trans people. Trans people often want to alter their bodies’ sexual/reproductive capacity in some way, and often engage in sex that doesn’t match the normative narrative for people with their genital shape. Meanwhile, many A/B/O fics are about the overwhelming pleasure, the natural rightness of accepting one’s reproductive role and submitting to that. It’s about people giving in to or being made to give in to their biology. Which, as a trans reader–wow. NOEP

Now, this is not to imply that all trans people are dead set on altering our reproductive capacities, or that all of us use our genitals in ‘unconventional’ ways, because we’re not and we don’t. But a trope that is founded on the idea that everyone should just give in and get fucked as their bodies were ‘intended’ to be fucked? That’s harmful to trans people who do want to change their bodies or have sex in alternative ways. Hell, it’s harmful to cis people who don’t want that either. It’s just harmful to everybody.

So yeah, super super gross and fetishistic and full of compulsory het, misogyny, heteronormativity, cissexism, transphobia, etc. Not a good trope.

#transphobia #transmisogyny #trans fetishization #cissexism #fandom tropes #fandom meta #genitals tw #biological essentialism #genital mention tw #rape tw #omegaverse #a/b/o #alpha beta omega #g!p #misogyny #compulsory heterosexuality #toxic masculinity #heteronormativity

20 notes · View notes

cuemanbeing-blog · 7 years

Photo

10 HABITS THAT COMPANIES CAN LEARN FROM CELEBRITIES

During my high school days, I had posters of Will Smith (and some half-naked female celebrities) strategically projected on my bedroom wall. I knew, at the back of my mind, that I would never meet them in real life – even if I did – they wouldn’t know who I was. But that’s just one case. My point here is this; we get attached to celebrities the same way we get attached to companies.

Just to give you context; when Brangelina (now just Brad and Angelina) broke up, the world was taken aback. I’m sure you know the story: Angelina filed for divorce on September, 2016. The couple had been together 12 years, though only married for two, and share six children. On top of that, they were the most beautiful pairing on the planet (according to…I don’t know).

But what captured my attention was the fact that being a celebrity is tough because you have to build, protect, and maintain your reputation. Similarly, whether you are an organisation or an individual, the sooner you understand that you have a corporate image that has to be properly developed and managed, the better off you will be.

For both celebrities and companies, having a reputable brand administers the way the rest of the world reflects about you. The right image creates a bond of trust between you and the fans or audience. It further enables you to achieve your goals, and boost your earnings. That’s why it’s important to always brand yourself before others do.

In the world of social media and trolls, it’s actually difficult to protect and maintain a good reputation for both celebrities and companies. It is against this backdrop that I decided to pen the following 10 habits that companies can learn from celebrities when it comes to branding and public image.

1. Don’t ignore social media!

Celebrities have realised that social media has become a huge part of our everyday lives these past few years. For musicians like Beyoncé, Justin Bieber and Cassper Nyovest; Twitter, Instagram and Facebook are great ways to interact with fans and update them with their latest news, concert tour dates, and general thoughts. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

I believe that establishing your company’s brand and staying above the fray is all encompassing, time consuming and a lot of hard work. However, don’t forget the importance of creating a social media strategy that represents your company, your values and culture. In fact, you need to create an engaging social media plan from the beginning to grow your presence. A good execution strategy for social media will allow you to establish your identity and credibility in your industry, share your story and position your CEO as a thought leader and pioneer.

Your company needs to dedicate time to directly engage with your followers, answer questions, share information and include them in the conversation. The better you understand what works (and doesn’t work) via social media, the better you will be at using it as part of your media relations efforts, just like how celebrities do. Don’t learn how to use social media by listening to others, but rather learn by doing it yourself (all the leading experts on social media will tell you this).

2. Make some time for the fans!

Celebrities understand that engagement is more important than developing a large amount of followers or a large fan base because in a current environment where segmented audiences are becoming more-and-more important, making a connection with someone who is directly interested with their brand is much more important than having a large following that may not do anything further with the brand. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

While it has become a buzz word loosely used, ‘engagement’ is important for several reasons. For one, it is a way that your company can maintain and foster relationships with its existing market. When they see that you have taken the time to notice them and hear what they have to say, your audience will realise that they are important to you and you value them, making them more likely to remain happy with your company.

Additionally, once your audience realises that you are engaging with them, they are likely to give you further insight on what you are doing well and what you could improve on since you have made it clear that they have your attention. This is especially helpful for your company because learning genuine pieces of information from your consumers is always important, and it gives you a better idea of where you stand and what you could do differently.

3. Use multimedia to frame your story!

Celebrities live colourful lives. They understand the importance of visuals. That’s why, when they communicate, their stories are frequently accompanied by relevant and colourful visuals that always resonate with their fans. For example, think about Beyoncé and her pregnancy announcement. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

We’ve all heard the cliché, “a picture tells a thousand words”, but there is real value in using images to promote content. Images help us learn, images grab attention, images explain tough concepts, and inspire. Human beings are visual creatures. A large percentage of the human brain dedicates itself to visual-processing. Our love of images lies with our cognition and ability to pay attention. Images are able to grab our attention easily, we are immediately drawn to them. So if that’s the case, why do companies keep getting it wrong?

It is high time companies acknowledge multimedia just like how celebrities do. Come to think of it, multimedia journalism is the biggest trend in the media environment, it’s safe to assume that multimedia is an emerging trend. If your company is not already using images and video to promote content, you need to urgently do something about it.

No more long-drawn-out and verbose press releases. This means that you must have attractive, generic infographics to accompany your story that would work for the publishing environments the journalist is producing content for. This means that your company spokesperson needs to be experienced in doing interviews for podcasts, Skype or via Periscope. These are now factors you should consider before pitching a journalist.

Above all, you should regularly be thinking, “Can we communicate this topic visually for readers of the target media outlet?” If so, provide that information with your pitch – or at least offer to produce multimedia content as part of your pitch. More importantly, have an on-the-ball team and not a bunch of content marketers who, in a modern version of marketing and communication myopia, seem to think that their reason for existence is to create content. No! Please don’t bore us. Rather, communicate with clients and sell stuff. Your company needs to be woke so that your content can be on fleek.

4. Protect your reputation!

Celebrities are aware that there has never been a more critical time in history to proactively manage their reputation. Going back to the Brangelina example I made earlier, though the divorce shook Hollywood, Brad and Angelina burnt both ends of the candle to protect their reputation. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

Companies who aren’t taking an aggressive approach to managing their reputation could be setting themselves up for costly problems.

Firstly, stay away from online arguments. It’s quite easy to get sucked into this, but even if you’re technically right, you might lose out overall by just coming across as petty, harsh or unprofessional. Worse yet, you might actually be wrong – and once you get emotionally riled up – you could end up saying and doing things that damage your reputation.

Secondly, if you or your company messes up, fails or otherwise does something wrong, own up to it and make a genuine apology to those who have been affected. Being real and transparent in apologising can go far toward diffusing a situation and moving the process along toward reconciliation or, at least, toward making a crisis situation come to a close.

5. Beef up your media contacts!

Celebrities are in constant contact with the entertainment media because they understand the power of publicity. The more coverage they receive, the more fans they get – which ultimately (depending on the field) translates into sales. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

Make contact with the media who cover your industry and then offer to become a trusted source. More importantly, the relationship does not cease after you have had your company's news covered. How a company engages with media outlets or journalists after a story has been reported, may hurt or help future outreach as much as the first pitch does. A brief email that thanks the journalist is polite, as is sharing the post (and additional posts) with your social media networks.

As such, it’s vital to frequently contact the media to have sustainable relationships. In addition, your marketing and communications team can host informal events to educate the media about your company, its leadership and services. Important to note, nowadays media include bloggers and influencers. Those are the types of people that your company should mingle with.

These informal events include media luncheons/breakfasts which could be hosted at either restaurants or at private dining establishments, sports or cultural events. These would not be cost intensive or require extensive support. Again, it is important to reiterate that these events should be seen as causal relationship-building exercises and not necessarily as a ‘media sales tool’.

6. Be persistent!

Celebrities understand that determination got them where they are and, at the same time, it does not mean that now that they have reached stardom, they can settle. Instead, they are always looking for more and new opportunities to grow their brand. Take Dr Dre, DJ Sbu and P-Diddy for example, three artists who stretched themselves and ventured into business. They epitomise persistence and determination. They kept on knocking and knocking until they received their breakthroughs. These three know how to work with the media and the media trusts them and their brands. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

Does an entrepreneur ever stop selling the product? Are they willing to think outside the box to make a sale? The same rule exists when it comes to contacting members of the press, many of whom are on deadline and under immense pressure to drive ratings and readership. While you never want to inundate members of the media with emails and phone calls, a simple reminder note never hurt anyone. Your story may not be top of mind on Monday morning, but it could be at the top of the to-do list come Friday.

While the concept of being persistent may seem rather basic, in actuality persistence is a multifaceted component of a person’s motivation and drive. Persistence will accentuate the positive, downplay the negative, and guide those who embrace it toward success.

7. Be woke – stay relevant!

Celebrities tend to comment on social, economic and political issues. While some celebrities have no idea what they are talking about, some are actually well-versed in various topics. During the #FeesMustFall strike here in South Africa, some celebrities showed support through their tweets, while some of them actually took to the streets in solidarity with the students. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

This is quite a tricky one, but when executed strategically, it resonates with a lot of people. Take Nandos for example. The franchise is always jumping on the trends that resonate with their audience. At the same time, you don’t want to find yourself being offensive and out of order – resulting in your company’s reputation being shattered.

So, what do I mean by being ‘woke’? Try to know and have the latest of everything relevant to you.

Someone once asked me how to capitalise on news and trends to promote their business. My response was simple: keep a close eye on the news. Look at what is being talked about in your industry and come up with a couple of hot topics you can be an expert on. I also suggest that you set up Google Alerts to keep up with trends.

More importantly, only promote content or send a press release if it is newsworthy, otherwise you are wasting everyone’s time. Put yourself in the shoes of the journalist – would you write about it?

8. Be available on request!

Celebrities understand the importance of publicity, that’s why they avail themselves when it comes to managing their public image. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

In a perfect world, you would be able to generate exactly the media coverage you want for your company, in exactly the way you want it. You would be able to schedule interviews and press events on your own timeline with journalists who understand the value of your work and effectively communicate it to their audiences. There would never be a crisis in need of a response, and you would never be misquoted.

However, you live in the real world, and it is likely that you will receive requests for interviews or comments when you least expect them. If your company is prepared to respond to these requests, you can substantively improve the chances of getting good coverage that spreads your messages accurately and further builds public trust.

But it all starts with having a spokesperson available. There’s nothing more exasperating for the media than to ask for comment just to find out that your company does not have someone to talk on the matter. Even worse, a matter that you pitched. As such, always have someone on stand-by who can be flexible to respond to media requests. Remember: the media does not forget! Screw them once and it’s over for you.

9. Brag about your strides and achievements!

Celebrities brag! Twitter, Instagram and Facebook have given celebrities far-reaching platforms through which they can connect with their fans, either to promote new projects or to let their fans know what they’re up to. All this could be considered useful, since many fans appreciate the access given to them through social media. At the end of the day, it’s called bragging. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

Have your company been nominated? Brag! Are you moving into refurbished offices? Brag! Did your company win an award? Brag! Is your company being listed or venturing abroad? Brag! Have you landed a new client? Brag!

Like I said earlier on, we get attached to companies the same way we get attached to celebrities. The more I hear and see that your company is doing well, the more interested I become and the more I learn about it. Trust me, every milestone is a marketing opportunity. It’s a chance to tell your story to your customers and your employees. It’s an occasion to get publicity, and it gives you a reason to make a splash and to raise awareness of your business.

Anytime you have a major milestone, include your customers to allow them to celebrate with you. When you have a smaller landmark, celebrate with your employees. Include the press when you have a significant achievement and gain some publicity. The press loves stories where a company gives back to the community. So use these occasions to get public recognition. If you do so, you will have happier employees; happier customers and your business will grow.

10. Hire a PR/brand nanny!

Celebrities are busy (at least most of them) and this means that they need a PR team that can constantly guide them when it comes to maintaining their public image. Likewise, if companies want to be successful, they should jump on this bandwagon.

Revisiting the Brangelina story, Page Six reported that – two weeks after the divorce – Angelina Jolie had begun reaching out to top Hollywood PR Specialists and Image Consultants for help in rehabbing her image. If you ask me, she was supposed to do that way before the saga. As high-powered divorce lawyer Raoul Felder once said, “Hiring a P.R. person after the crisis is like going for a check-up after you’ve already had the heart attack.”

So try and avoid being in Jolie’s situation. Be smart about publicity. The good news is you don’t have to do it alone, you can hire a PR professional. That said, you need to make sure they are a great match for your company and are excited about your plans.

A good PR firm (or consultant) will help you establish a strong identity, effectively communicate your story to the right people, create thought leadership opportunities for your CEO and establish an engaging social-media programme. They will build your brand, help you stand out, increase your visibility and get you in front of decision-makers.

Though PR is not cheap, paying for an external provider of PR and marketing pays off in many ways. While you may well be able to manage your online presence and market your promotions, PR and Communication Specialists are generally very well-informed about your market and have access to all the right people and publications. They are professionals in writing and putting strategies together that have been proven to increase exposure.

@cuemanbeing

#celebrity #public relations #media relations

1 note · View note