#like buddy i love you but what the fuck are you talking about
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
too little, too late
(8x08 coda) (buddie) (1.2k) the episode chose violence and so did i :) spoilers for 8x08, and hey, guess what? this is my 100th 911 fic! it feels right that it's an evil one <3
The real estate agent has an irritating voice. It’s pitchy and run through with vocal fry, and if Buck has to listen to her talk for another second, he might actually tear his hair out. And it’s definitely about her voice. Nothing to do with the largely helpful information she’s handing over to Eddie like candy on Halloween.
“Anyway, we can touch base again once you’ve had a chance to look over those listings. I’m sure we’ll find something for both of you to love!” the realtor says.
Buck smiles. It feels brittle and fake.
“Thank you so much,” Eddie says with all the sincerity Buck can’t quite muster. He ends the call and sits back against the couch.
“That, uh—that went, um—” He’s choking on the positivity he’s trying so hard to exude. “—well,” he manages.
“Yeah,” Eddie says. He runs a hand through his hair. “Seems easier than I thought it was going to be.”
Easy.
That’s—
Yeah.
“You know you—you don’t have to buy straight away,” Buck says as casually as he can manage, which is to say, not casually at all.
“Buck,” Eddie says with a sigh.
“I know!” Buck says, throwing his hands out in a gesture of surrender. “Just—maybe you want to make sure, you know? Before it’s—it’s permanent.”
“I can’t keep missing out on his life,” Eddie says quietly.
Buck swallows. He knows. He knows! Knows it like he knows there’s going to be an Eddie-and-Chris shaped hole in his heart for the rest of his goddamn life.
“I don’t want you to,” Buck says, and it’s maybe the first honest thing that’s come out of his mouth since he sat down on Eddie’s couch.
Bile rises in the back of his throat as he realizes this might be one of the last times he gets to sit on this couch, in this house, with this man.
Eddie drops his head into his hands. “I don’t—” He cuts himself off.
“Have you told Bobby yet?” Buck asks. His breath catches.
“No,” Eddie says.
“Oh,” Buck says in a rush of air. “That’s—” He wants to say good. He can’t say good. Eddie needs—he needs—
Eddie lifts his head from his hands and his eyes are shining. “I don’t want to,” he admits. “I thought—”
“That he’d want to come back,” Buck supplies when Eddie doesn’t finish his thought.
He nods.
“He still—he could still—” Buck starts.
“He’s not going to change his mind.” Eddie cuts him off. “He doesn’t hate me. It’s worse than that. He doesn’t care.”
Buck’s chest feels tight. “He—he loves you, Eddie,” he says weakly.
“Maybe before, but—”
“He does,” Buck insists. “And—and if this is what you have to do to make sure that stays true I—I get it.” He does. He gets it. He’d do anything for Christopher. He’d—
It’s the worst feeling in the entire fucking world, but he’d give up Eddie for that kid. Is. Is giving up Eddie for that kid. A sob jumps up in Buck’s throat. He fights it back.
“I want to believe you,” Eddie says.
Buck knows that he doesn’t.
“Have you, um. Have you talked to Chris about this yet?” Buck asks, feeling a little bit like he’s just laid his neck across the base of a guillotine.
Eddie shakes his head. “No, I—I’ve got to do this, whether he wants me to or not.”
All at once Buck’s angry. Angry at Eddie, angry at his parents, at fucking Kim, at himself, and maybe even a little bit at Christopher.
“Eddie, you—you told him he could come back!” He says, a little louder than he means to. “Doesn’t he deserve to know that’s not going to be an option anymore?”
Eddie’s gaze snaps to his. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He’s got—he’s got friends here, and—and Carla, and—” He can’t say it. He doesn’t have the right to say it, doesn’t have the right to feel like he’s already lost a limb and now they’re taking a lung, but— “and me,” he finishes quietly.
Something like devastation flashes across Eddie’s face. “Buck, I—”
“No,” Buck says quickly, standing up from the couch. “I shouldn’t have—I’m not—”
“Buck, wait,” Eddie says, following him as he retreats toward the door.
“I, um—I forgot, I have to—I promised Maddie,” he tries to lie.
“Please don’t go,” Eddie says, and god, how many times in Buck’s life has he yearned to hear someone say that to him and mean it. How many nights has he driven home from Eddie’s wishing he’d been asked to stay.
This thing building in his chest, this thing of anger and grief and regret—it hurts. Every breath he takes is a little more constricted, a little less effective.
Eddie looks at him, and Buck sees it. That thing he’s always wanted to see. That thing he didn’t even know he wanted from Eddie until right now and it’s—
There was a small, naïvely hopeful part of Buck that really still believe that if someone loved him enough, they’d stay. Eddie loves him, looks at Buck like he’ll break his heart when he walks out the door, and it still isn’t—
Eddie loves him, and it isn’t enough to make him stay.
Buck is in love with him, he realizes, and it doesn’t fucking matter because he’s leaving. Like Abby and like Tommy, except Buck didn’t know how much hurt he hadn’t even discovered yet, because this isn’t Abby or Tommy, it’s Eddie, and Eddie—
Eddie’s supposed to be the one that stays.
Buck shakes his head and shuffles back until the doorknob is digging into his spine. “I have to,” he breathes, a grossly distorted reflection of what neither of them has quite managed to say.
Eddie opens his mouth like he’s going to ask again, like he’s going to beg Buck to stay, to show him all these awful pieces of his heart that he’s just found so he can remind himself that it’s not too much to leave behind.
Buck’s out the door before he can say another word.
He throws himself into the Jeep and all but fishtails it out of Eddie’s driveway. He makes it three streets away before he has to pull over.
The first sob surprises him with its softness; the second with its violence. He wraps his arms tight around his stomach and, god, he tries to breathe. But there’s not—there’s not enough oxygen in the entire world to make up for the way his lungs refuse to expand in the face of this loss.
He has to—he can’t—Eddie needs him to pull it together. To—to help him. To support him, and god help him, Buck will. There’s nothing Eddie could ask of him that he wouldn’t give. Nothing Eddie could do, Buck’s realizing, to make him love him any less.
Hot tears spill down Buck’s cheeks. He takes a shuddering breath and wipes them away. His vital organs are crumbling, so what?
He’ll set himself on fire if that’s what it takes to keep Eddie warm.
#911fic#911 fic#buddiefic#buddie fic#911#buddie#fic#911 spoilers#coda#abbie writes#abbie commits to the torture nexus <3#i have lighthearted ideas but that's for Later
396 notes
·
View notes
Note
artrick phone sex
I gotchu, my love <3
CW: 18+ !NSFW! First time dynamics, angst, Art has avoidance issues like me.
Apologies this may be too long and full of my own personal angst I fear.
—-
“Art?” It’s Patrick.
Art feels his stomach sinking and now he wishes he’d avoided his call, again. He rolls over on his bed and looks at the sparsely decorated wall of his dorm room. It’s his first time talking to Patrick since… since…
He shivers and tries to put it out of his mind.
“Hey,” Art says and clears his throat. “What’s up?”
Patrick chuckles.
Art shivers again. Did his voice always sound that way? Or is Art just crazy still? He’s been really crazy lately. It’s been two weeks and he’s still…
“Really? What’s up?” Patrick mimics. “That’s all you have to say?”
Art shrugs for the benefit of no one but himself. “What—um— what’s wrong with that?”
“Oh I don’t know…” Patrick hums and then he sighs. “Okay fuck it. I’ll go with it. Are you okay?”
Art is still anxious, his stomach still uneasy. It’s just Patrick. His oldest and closest and best friend and yet he can’t relax. He can’t settle down and they're just talking on the phone. He can’t imagine seeing him in person when he inevitably shows up to Stanford again to watch Tashi play. Everything is different now.
“I’m fine, Patrick.” He lies.
“But you don’t want to talk to me?” Patrick sounds weird. Worried? A little. Disappointed? Probably. Sad? Definitely.
Art sighs, he doesn’t want Patrick to be sad. “No I— I’ve just been busy. We had finals last week. And um…. practice has been crazy. I’m um… I started seeing this girl and—” he hears Patrick huff a laugh but barrels through, ignoring it. “Sorry I missed your calls.”
“And texts,” Patrick adds.
“I’m sorry,” Art says again.
They’re quiet for a while. Art turns back to look at the tv. He was watching Sports Center, they were talking about gymnastics. Apparently there had just been some kind of qualifier competition.
“Who’s this new girl your seeing?” Patrick asks. This time Art can’t tell what his tone is.
“Uh well she’s nice, pretty. She’s actually not on the team. She’s an English major.”
“Sounds hot,” Patrick says, flatly.
“Yeah, she’s um— she’s nice,” Art says. “Are you—are you high?”
“A little. I won’t lie. Me and the buddy I was telling you about we smoked a couple and then went and got tacos and Margaritas. So fucking good. Who knew Dallas was a food town?”
Art laughs. He begins to relax, this feels more like best friend stuff. Maybe he was overreacting. Avoiding him for two weeks. But of course that wasn’t the only reason Art was avoiding him. “What happened to your match?”
“Uh well— I lost again. This shit is so fucking rigged.” Patrick complains.
“Dude that fucking sucks,” Art says. He sits up on his bed and looks around for his own weed stash.
“Yeah, it’s fine though. I’m going against this guy tomorrow, stats are all over the place but I think I can take him.”
“Whats his name?”
“Moussa or Mousso… I can’t remember but he’s French. Kinda hot, actually.”
Art feels his stomach flip flop again. “Uh… so what about Tashi?”
“She’s good, she actually answers my calls. I mean not tonight but she told me her cousin would be in town so…”
”Do you want me to beg for forgiveness or something?” Art says, smirking.
Patrick takes a breath and doesn’t say anything while Art is rummaging through the bottom drawer of his night stand. He finds the baggy he was looking for and sits up on the bed, legs crossed as he opens it.
“I’m sorry but I was honestly busy.” Art adds when Patrick still hasn’t said anything.
“Are we ever gonna talk about it?” Patrick asks.
Art stops moving. His stomach begins doing all kinds of things again.
“Look I don’t want to… I don’t want it to be weird,” Patrick continues. “I can do whatever you need. If you want me to pretend I didn’t fuck you… okay fine. But you have to talk to me because I’m going fucking crazy.”
Art stares at the television but he’s not seeing anything. He gives up on the weed and tosses it on the nightstand. “Yeah um… okay.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing,” Art mutters. “I’m— we can talk.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No,” Art says. “I—“ he lays back down on his side and looks at the wall, pulling his knees up. He wishes with everything in him that they hadn’t done it in here. In his fucking bed.
He’s got it on a loop playing in his head all the time. Patrick crawling between his legs. The way he looked, hair still damp from the shower, freckles all over, pupils too big, blue eyes all sparkly. How he smelled, like vanilla soap and cigarettes. What he sounded like, voice so much deeper and softer than normal, saying stupid things like “You’re so fucking pretty”, “Gonna make you scream my name,” and then moaning when he got it in.
And how it felt.
God.
How it felt.
That’s the part that stays with him. How much it hurt. And then how much it didn’t hurt at all. By the end Patrick was touching something inside him and he was seeing stars. In between consciousness and some other plane of existence is how good it felt. That was the silly part. Feeling like he wanted it again and again and again.
He let Patrick do it again in the morning. Patrick’s arms wrapped around his waist fucking him on his side while he stared at this wall his whole body blooming with pleasure. And then just sitting with it for the rest of the day. The ache. The stretch. The feeling like everyone could tell. Patrick left that afternoon for the airport, sent Art a text. Well that was fun. Which he ignored. Called him that evening. Also ignored.
Art had been trying to avoid thinking about it ever since (it was impossible). He’s thrown himself into school, tennis, he’s even tried to talk to a new girl. It didn’t go anywhere. In his worst moments he’s even tried to flirt with Tashi. But then he remembers she’s fucking Patrick and his mind swings right back around to the way Patrick fucked him. And that makes him more crazy because now he doesn’t know what the fuck he actually wants.
And every fucking night, late at night he’s lying in bed staring at the wall touching himself over and over… thinking about it.
He doesn’t know how to say any of this to Patrick.
“Did you die?” Patrick asks, dryly. Even now since they’ve been on the phone, just hearing Patricks stupid voice is making Art’s stomach hurt, and his cock fill up.
“No… I’m just confused okay,” Art says.
“About what?”
“I don’t know.”
”Did you hate it?” Patrick asks.
“Not really,” Art murmurs.
“You’re so fucking full of shit,” Patrick groans.
Art sighs and realizes he just mindlessly put his palm on his cock because of how gravelly Patrick’s voice sounds. And fine. Patrick can make him crazy all the way in whatever fucking city hes in however many fucking miles he is away from Palo Alto.
“I’m sorry if I don’t know how to feel. I’ve never… I’d never done any of that before.” Art says quietly.
“And yet you practically begged for it in the morning.” Patrick says softly.
Art swallows thickly.
“I can’t get it out of my head.” Patrick continues. “The way you were rubbing against my dick before you even woke up properly. Fuck. I can’t get you out of my head.”
Art’s rubbing himself now. “I can’t either,” he sighs, he’s starting to lose it again. He feels silly. Too silly to care if Patrick can tell.
“Yeah?” Patrick sounds eager, breathy.
“It was… I still… I still feel it. Is that crazy?” Art says quietly.
Patrick takes a deep breath. “Fuck. You drive me so fucking insane. Are you fucking touching yourself?”
“’m sorry. I just…” Art says, closing his eyes. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Art knows he’s never gonna recover from this but right now it doesn’t matter. He would stop if he could but he can’t.
”You still feel me?”
“Mmhm.”
“Feel me stretching you? you’re so fucking tight I don’t even know if it’s all gonna fit,” Patrick says, his voice sounds like it did. When Arts eyes are closed it’s almost like he can feel Patrick’s breath on his skin.
“Ah—“ Art gasps, grabbing himself properly. “I like the stretch.”
“You love it.” Patrick says. “You don’t even want to wait. Don’t want me to take my time, you’re just so eager you’re pushing that pretty ass back on me.”
“Yeah,” Art gasps, he rolls onto his back and puts the phone on speaker, letting one leg fall open as he jerks himself. “It feels so good—when you fuck me. Its too much. Im too full please… please I don’t think I can take anymore.”
“Oh you fucking liar,” Patrick moans. “You can take it baby. I know you can. You’re a little cock slut already and its only your first time. Fuck. You’re so tight.”
”So tight,” Art says mindlessly as he tries to ease two fingers along his ass, the way Patrick had done before he entered. “I wanna… I want you to… I—I miss you.”
”I miss you too,” Patrick says. “If I was there I’d have you on all fours taking my dick all night.”
“Ah—mmh— Patrick I’m gonna— you’re gonna make me—“ Art cries. The fingers are enough… even dry.
“Come on, yeah… fucking come on my big fat dick sweetheart… come on.. nngh…” Patrick moans.
It’s enough. Hot strings of pearly white are suddenly spurting out of him and spilling everywhere, on his fingers and clothes. On the bedspread. He’s breathless, as his whole body goes lax.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck… I need to be in you again, gahhh..” Art can hear Patrick’s bed squeaking wherever he is and then he’s groaning loudly, and gasping through his own orgasm. “Oh god, oh shit… that was…”
“Yeah,” Art says breathlessly, looking up at the ceiling.
”Mm don’t fucking ignore me again,” Patrick says.
As relaxed as Art feels right now. Distantly, the pit in his stomach is returning. “Patrick… are we… I mean… are we still gonna be… friends?”
“Yeah of course,” Patrick says, easy. He yawns. “Always.”
Art feels tied up in knots but he can tell Patrick’s relaxed, sated, relieved even. If anything he’s going to be asleep in five minutes. No point getting any deeper now.
“You wanna fall asleep on the phone or—?” Patrick asks, yawning again.
“No it’s… it’s fine.” Art says. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Mmkay. Sweet dreams.”
Art bites his tongue to keep himself from saying something fucking stupid that he can’t take back. The line goes dead. Art stares at the ceiling for a minute, the three words he can’t say platonically to his best friend who he’s now fucking, are flitting about in his head. And Patrick wonders why he’s confused. He grabs his second pillow and pulls it over his face. He’s so fucked.
#challengers#challengers 2024#patrick zweig#art donaldson#tashi duncan#challengers fic#challengers smut#art x patrick#artrick
111 notes
·
View notes
Text
911 8x08 thoughts and freak outs!
Okay…
Well…
WOW…
OMG!!!
What do I say about this episode? 😶
Uhm…
Well, my first reaction was this: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! 🤣🤣🤣
And I mean this in a very good way! 😏
I’m just going to start with the thing that made me go AAAAAH! In the first place:
Eddie and Chris! That scene was heartbreaking and when Brad talked to ‘Edmundo’ about his estranged son it was a great moment. Eddie has started to realise he has to act NOW, because he son is growing up without him and he doesn’t want that gap to become any wider. 😭
Side-note: Fuck the Diaz parents big time! They suck! 😠
So Eddie decides to move to Texas, which is so very much the wrong thing to do. But I get why he’s considering it. The right thing to do for him would be to go to Texas, talk to Chris and telling him he needs to come home, back to LA. But I don’t think Eddie is ready for that yet. He’ll need some time to get there, but he’ll get there in the end.
Which leads me to that one scene with Buck. And OMG! In the seven years that I’ve been here, shipping Buddie, I’ve seen a lot scenes between them that suggested something more, but it was never really anything concrete… you know? 🤷♀️
This scene? It was like being hit over the head with a sledgehammer. Buck just walks into Eddie’s house and Eddie’s okay with that. He’s teasing him about the tablet and Eddie lets him. They know each other through and through. And Buck’s face when Eddie told him it was in El Paso? That was interesting. And of course he wants to help Eddie. It almost feels like they’re buying a house together for a moment there. But then…
Then when Buck’s sitting on the Diaz couch (yes… hello couch theory, great to see you again! 😂), his face falls and there is something there that wasn’t there before. Guys… we just witnessed the very early beginnings of Buck’s ‘OH’ moment. Eddie making plans to move will help Buck realise just how much he truly cares for Eddie. 🥲🥲🥲
So, this is it. This is THAT scene we’ve all been hoping for.
I feel unwell.
In a good way.
The Buddie-arc has officially begun. 😋🌈😁☀️
So unwell right now.
Still in a good way.
But oh… this is going to be such a good hiatus! That scene alone will inspire so many writers to write excellent fic, it will fuel us for months and ignite the fandom to speculate and theorise. It’ll be epic! 😎
I wonder if there’ll actually be a time-jump or they’ll just pick up where they left off after hiatus. 🤔
On to the rest of the episode:
Where was the Maddie storyline they talked about?
Athena’s storyline was actually nice this time. It is entirely possible that something flew over my head when it comes to her scenes as a police officer. But to my non-American eyes, it was a nice storyline. The cart cop kid was a little naive, but he was likeable I suppose. I don’t really enjoy watching people like that on YouTube, but for the show it was okay.
I unexpectedly really enjoyed the Brad storyline. Granted, him rescuing that woman and risking hurting her? That was iffy, but 911 is like HotShots in that respect, you know? We aren’t supposed to take it all ‘that’ seriously. So I can live with that scene. I love the growth in Brad and how he talked that guy from the ledge. Do we think that scene was based on the fact that Jon Bon Jovi talked someone from the ledge a couple of months ago? I think that’s where Tim got his inspiration for this.
So overall, I really enjoyed this episode and I have to admit that I didn’t really expect too much of it. But it managed to surprise me in a few ways. But mostly that Buddie-moment… it just blew my mind. 🤯
I can happily skip into hiatus now. All is right with my fictional TV-show world again.
😎😎😎
I'm off to read the post interviews now and answer some asks in my inbox. YAY!
#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 8x08#thoughts and ruminations#I feel like crying#this is it#THIS is it#911 abc#911 spoilers
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
Eddie and Brad bond over Brad having an estranged son. He tells Eddie the longer he stayed away the bigger the distance got and it’s his biggest regret. So Eddie decides to go to Texas to be with Chris and convince him to come back home. Buck and Eddie maybe fight about it, Buck offers to go but Eddie says no I gotta do this on my own. We get a parallel to Buck and Abby at the airport with Buck and Eddie and Buck is like you got this. Get your son back. I’ll be here waiting. Buck gets a feelings realization but doesn’t act on it and lets Eddie go.
So with 8x09 being the episode when we come back, it’s actually a flashback to what happened when Eddie went to Texas (which is why it was already filmed because it was supposed to take place right after 8x08.) Basically while Eddie is in Texas he talks with Chris and Chris is like I don’t want another mom ever. I don’t want you dating ever. No one can replace mom. All I need is you and Buck. And Eddie’s like well damn there goes my love life. But while he’s in Texas Buck keeps being brought up by Chris maybe even the parents like “yeah he sure talks about Buck a lot. You’re really lucky to have a best friend that treats Chris like his own.” And basically stuff starts clicking for eddie. Like oh Chris doesn’t want another mom. And he said Buck is enough. So wheels start turning for Eddie maybe he even talks to his dad about it. So basically while he’s in Texas for these few months he realizes his feelings for Buck. He tells Chris and Chris is like well duh. And Chris is probably estatic like thank god I never have to see you with a woman again. So then at the end of the episode he decides he’s going to go back to LA alone and tell Buck how he feels while Chris finishes the school year in Texas and then Chris will come back when it’s over.
So we think yay Buddie canon Eddie is gonna tell Buck how he feels and they’re gonna be in love right? However when 8x10 starts and Eddie comes back, Buck has been #LetBuckFucking all over town while Eddie was gone so when Eddie comes back to tell Buck how he feels he finds Buck either going on dates or on a date or talking about dates etc so Eddie is like wtf and then bottles it in and doesn’t tell him. Typical case of wrong timing like for Ross/Rachel and Jim/Pam etc. So now we know Eddie is pining. This will go on for a couple of episodes which is when we get the great Buddie fight of mostly Eddie’s secret feelings coming to a peak because of Buck fucking around town and Eddie can’t take it anymore and it leads to Eddie yelling “YOU SAID YOU WOULD WAIT FOR ME!” And Buck is like ??? That’s when they’re both arguing and Buck is like why are you so upset and eddie is like “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” And Buck is too stunned to speak bc he thought Eddie was never really an option and so he’s just like “…you love me?” And Eddie’s out of breath like “…yeah.”
#911 theories#911 theory#buddie canon season 8#buddie canon#911 buddie#911 on abc#911 season 8#buck and eddie#buck x eddie#buck/eddie#eddie diaz#buddie 911#buck eddie#eddie and buck#evan buckley#buck buckley
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about how john still protects sam and dean from the grave via his journal, but how this, like everything else, is inextricably linked to hunting. he can only protect them as long as they're stuck in this life. he wanted them to some day be able to get out, they wanted to some day be able to get out, but he's only ever given them the tools to hunt.
#something something escape as the impossible dream#that moment in season 1 where he's talking about them living normal lives once they've killed azazel#and you can tell he means it all really earnestly but you just want to shake him and ask him HOW#with what foundations? with what framework?#how can they build a life?#spn#john winchester#spn meta#john winchester meta#sam winchester#dean winchester#the winchester family#winchester family#john winchesters a+ parenting#like buddy i love you but what the fuck are you talking about#mine#supernatural
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??
Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.
One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.
And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.
These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.
How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?
Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.
And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?
Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.
Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.
And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.
In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.
#rq i wanna say i love seeing others thoughts on these if you have them. esp those that have thought about it longer than i lol#like. im still just starting to sink my teeth into the lore and put things together. so your thoughts are much appreciated#sometimes i wish that i could turn these rambles into those really well worded. slightly pretentious. but in a fun way. character metas?#but i dont think i can organize my thoughts that well. so. rambles it is lol#not to say rambling is lesser or smth tho. i love a good ramble. love to read them. i support ramblers#speaking of rambling-#idk why it fascinates me so. but theres just something rlly interesting about fulcrum being somewhat stuck in the past#i think it could've played interestingly into his and kroks dynamic had it been explored more?#like. the past and history play big parts in their lives. krok having studied it. and fulcrum having been fast forwarded thru it#it would've been interesting to see them talk more about it? since logically fulcrum wouldve gone to krok for more of the 3mill year rundow#and its like. krok is shown to be really knowledgeable on not only history. but cultures as well. theres and others.#so certain eras of their own culture would probably be a slight interest of his. esp decepticon ones.#and then theres fulcrum. who pretty much got plucked from the empire era only to land in kroks lap (metaphorically) ((...unless?))#so heres this walking talking piece of history. and a dude that has a sort of passion for history. why not explore it more?#and like. yeah. the ''history'' krok has studied is all mostly shit he lived through. but people study the times they lived through-#-because while they may have lived through it. theirs is only one perspective. a good historian takes into account multiple perspectives#idk where i'm going with this now. smth smth fulcrum relying on krok for future stuff and krok having someone to talk history stuff with#i just. augh. i wanna know what their dynamic is more. what we see in the comics is so back and forth at times#like. they seem to hit it off pretty well. but then fulcrum fucks it up ig by being oblivious and a little too ''i can fix him'' vibey#and his taste in comedy is bad. to say the least. which is apparently grounds for messy divorce#also krok is sometimes cool with selling a whole dude. at least when the dude is their befriended giant killer autobot buddy :/#that is also grounds for divorce. obviously#sorry. this is derailing the more i start thinking about how messy fulkrok could be. like. ough <3#they're a little ''i hate my wife'' coded. but in a greater scav codependent poly way. and it's more krok being annoyed with fulcrum#its like. fulcrum: ''i can fix him bcs i need to feel validated'' vs krok: ''wtf is wrong with this guy?! who does he think he is??''#i think they'd want to pick each other apart intellectually. maybe emotionally. smth smth two officers. both disgraced. and power dynamics#its fun. they're both hypocrites. they'd need couples therapy. its also 4am. shit. ok goodnight
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably
#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call#please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway#so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3'#laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad'#to Me.#in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions#he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye#he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual#he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot#all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically.#meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics#he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time'#'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.'#'....hey wally you can keep a secret right'#and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too#and from barnabys pov its going great!#howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck#so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy#so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart)#that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out.#everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You#and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭'#cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked#so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange#why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No.#so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment#cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it#meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms)#eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega#this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately
74 notes
·
View notes
Note
what do you consider the heart of californication? like really carries through the series & makes it compelling
thank you for this question, i really love it. to me, it's a number of things, starting with that the show cares deeply about hank and takes him seriously in a way that the culture doesn't. in a way, yes, he's their dog and pony show with the funny one-liners and the salacious pull. but the arc of the series is unequivocally aligned with him and his desires and his needs and his values.
hank wants to be with his family, wants to be better for them, wants to not let them down- and the show needs him to fail at all of those things. for the dog and pony of it all, for their viewership and for their thesis and for the food in their mouths, but it simultaneously feels bad that he is failing. simultaneously knows that this isn't what he wants, and that it's sad. and it can be as simple as a dream sequence or a look or a quiet final scene, but every single episode is ultimately going to remind you that everything you're laughing at is a loss.
which, like i said at the top, speaks to a level of respect that the show had for the character that is just gone in discussions of the series. they take the time to recognize that he is missing something. he is losing something and he is without everything that means anything to him, this is the cost. equally important, duchovny respects that character and understands the same.
i was listening to an interview last night (trish you heard this) where he was speaking with some podcast dudebros and one of the hosts said that he always wanted to be just like hank moody, and then he made some "bad decisions" and got there, and he doesn't like it. and duchovny said that every time people come up to him saying "i'm just like hank moody," he says "i'm sorry."
men watch and they want to be just like hank moody and women watch and they want to fuck hank moody so bad, and all of you miss what the source comprehends: that it's an irreparable deficit.
other than that, i feel like what roots that show is that it really isn't all that cynical. not in the way that it could be. and the show believes in hank.
there is a lot of kindness and hope (often false hope) that runs underneath most every relationship and interaction and dynamic in the series and i really really appreciate that about it. it's like in the pilot when hank is being mean and he wants marcy to yell at him and she just says "go home, honey. sleep it off. tomorrow's another day."
there's always a little bit of understanding and grace amongst the crazies and i think there's something really special about that
#gave up on this <3 you're gonna pick up what i put down. i trust#people on this show love each other. that's the heart of californication#at the end of s3 when one of the women that hank had slept with (felicia) says 'it's all done with great affection' about#them dragging him to HELLLLLLL all day lol#'come here. be happy in new york.'#and she goes back in to her husband. happy and laughing#that's just one of my favorite scenes because everyone on the show wants the best for each other#and it isn't just people being lenient and softer than deserved with hank#he is extremely loving to family/friends/random women#and all of the characters are so good and thoughtful to each other#it's nice in a way that stands out in a sardonic comedy that's reduced to 'tits and ass'#there is so much compassion and care cycling through everybody#that's what carries the series for ME. and i don't think i could really explain it further#even random scenes like lew ashby coming into the bathroom to talk to becca when she's sobbing and won't let her mom in#there isn't any reason for him to do that. it isn't because he wants to fuck karen. it isn't because he's a particularly charitable person.#it's because it's his buddy's kid and he wants her to feel better#i don't think there's a character on the show who wouldn't do that for bec or for the core 4 or for mia#but anyway i know what you mean and i think those things are mainly what grounds it#that it's ultimately compassionate and that it respects its lead#californication
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry followers. I'm a cat person 😔🐱
#i only love. my puppy. and my loved ones puppies#i feel bad saying that but dogs hate me and im starting to hate them back#i be walking and the mfs start chasing me for no reason!! what!!#i walked by a tiny little kitty and i went to pet it and this dog came running from god knows where and tried to bite me!!#calm down bitch im not talking to you go away!!!#i still like some stray dogs but most of the time im just wary of them#i still have that scar from when i was walking home from the store minding my own fucking business#when suddenly a dog came running from a house a#and bit my ass#or the junction of ass-leg#i was at least three meters away from your house you bastard son of a bitch#literally for no reason#when you give cats bad vibes the fellas just walk away. i feel that. go for it lil buddy#but dogs destroy your ears and then try to bite you. why#im literally walking by#ok this turned into a vent post but idk why some dogs despise me. i cant be mature about it so ill despise them back#tessas txt
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
literally just burst into tears thinking about buddy and hard times. in case you were curious
#avery.txt#lisaposting#i cant fucking help i love her so much her story is so fucking heartbreaking#the weight of everything. she probably doesn't even understand why some stuff is fucked up. she won't understand for years if ever#all she knows is pain. and love looks like pain to her. that's what brad taught her. because that's all he had.#something something love can exist alongside abuse he abused her because he loved her and that was what love HAD to be for him#he fucking shoved his kids away from him whenever they expressed any kind of affection because HE KNOWS WHAT AFFECTION DOES. IT KILLS YOU.#and obviously buddy doesn't know any of this so all she knows is that her dad rejects her affection and that just adds to all the evidence#*that he just doesn't care about her. god it makes me so fucking mad that there's so much that she just DIDN'T KNOW#and if she HAD known ANY of it. maybe things wouldn't have ended up like this. but brad couldn't/wouldn't tell her.#PLEASE PLAY THESE GAMES AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM IM BEGGING YOU
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
🤦🏽♀️🙃
#I can’t stop thinking about it#I keep replaying the morning over and over in my head#my friend said she thinks I should write a letter or text tell them#and I’m thinking about it#the more I’m processing it and it’s kinda sinking in#the more angry and offended and hurt I am#idk I know super vague post#and since you guys keep saying you like my crazy dumb Rosie rant posts maybe I’ll do one telling you guys what happened#I’m just still so fucking mad?#and she has NO idea how badly she fucked me up#she’s texting me like nothing happened and I’m like ???? ok sorry but I can’t just move on from this#anyway fun fact and update about me and my life#I’m looking into a php 👌#partial hospitalization program#if you didn’t know what I was talking about#so that’s suuuuper duper fun (hope you can feel my sarcasm)#but at this point in my life I feel like I need it#not gonna get into that right now cause ooofda one thing at a time#but this whole situation reallyyyyy set me back in my progress and healing so thanks buddy 👌👌👌#you are lucky I love your dog so fucking much otherwise I probably would never talk to you again#shut up rosie
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
AAAAAARGHH!!!!!!!!! OK FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess i do like dirk now. whatever
#had another dream we were buddies it was cool actually#so. whatever. i cave#i think its just cause he reminds me so fucking much of my friend like it is fucking uncanny how alike they are#so whenever i read his dialogue im just like. hehe thats my friend#also. his first interaction with dave (thing i was crying about last night) is so. funny and messed up and well written and weird#its just. so sad. he was really really looiking forward to meeting him#like......... for his whole LIFE he was looking forward to it#and he finally gets to meet his hero and hes so nervous and trying to stay cool and all#hes just. starstruck. and he was really really REALLY looking forward to that conversation#and his personal hero just. makes it a point to let him know how much he fucking hates being there#hes like god i cant wait to go fight that bad guy and dirk has 2 sit there like#ah........ so hed rather risk his life to a maniac with lord english poweres covered in blood than talk to me............. ahhh...........#its just. YOU KNOWWWWW#its endearing. they managed to make it so painfully awkward#they made it SO AWKWARD!!!!!!!!! even worse than roxy and dave straight up called her hot multiple times#and she in return kept prying for information about his love life#and also even when dave said normal things he was awkward as fuck. he asked a question then just Didnt work with it#like........ isnt the point of getting to know people that you ask a question they answer it and then you talk about that topic awhile?#isnt it like.......... more of a pointer on what you can talk about to keep the other persons interest rather than. a genuine question#urgh anyway i fucking give up. i like dirk So what fucking sue me#hey btw i totally forgot about this when you said it but jade when you told me you wanted to fuck dirk what was that about#hes also gay. thats like a whole Thing even though it isnt#care to elaborate on that by any chance. cause id like some clarification on what you meant by that#mainly...................... what part of that man is fuckable....................................#AHH!!!!!!!! EVIL SPIDER!!!!!!!!
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
people will meet you for the first time look you in the eyes and say oh yeah put me down mommy like we’re online and not in real life
#personal#he also asked me out at the end of the night i was like king. absolutely fucking not#also other dudes will think getting in a debate about guns is flirting#no and i went to the bathroom with my buddy#and i was aw shit can’t even blame em. my hair came out perfectly with the outfit. damn.#and then i’ve said it before i’ll say again#i mean fun time stayed out later than planned but i love complaining#but i gotta stop partying with home depot people cause this girl i know was like hm.#checklist of things she does every party#like griding interrupting convos randomly bringing up the weirdest fucking convos#trauma dumping and i knoe therapy speak but it’s genuinely that#baby voice etc etc etc#she was also talking at length how i’m a virgin and im like girl i’m high and drunk and ur buddy’s two bozos here clearly want to fuck me.#what are you doing.#also being weird about her best friend she won’t date which like. not an issue#who cares. but they’re so fucking weird about it#and also again just weirdly obsessed with comparing our bodies and it’s like i hope you can feel comfortable enough in your skin#that me being comfortable isn’t an issue#and god she always randomly is like sorry we’ll stop.. when i’m just vibing during a hang out sesh and it’s like what do you think i always#have an issue im literally just vibing#i didn’t mean to complain about this girl so much but she’s been getting on my nerves#which i wish she didn’t i wish things were going better for her but they’re not and neither is she#and i feel like she gets annoyed anytime she remembers i have a personality#like again i’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable with urself!!!! idk man i’m just here!!!!!#this all being said did we kiss a few times and did she make out with my friend hee#yes*
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
simply put! the ending of fena does not exist !! whatever the heck was going on in there i didnt see it. the show ended with abel blowing up in fire and yukimaru and fena living a good life together <3
#snow speaks#also like.#bro i want so much more witch lore come oooon#i think they def would have done better if they had more episodes#honestly it makes me so happy to be finishing it again bc i actually enjoy it better now on a second run#i feel like im gonna wind up rewatching it again LOL#but yeah like theres like some bits and pieces i looove but like they needed to expand further on what witches and maidens even stand for#or like. maybe to even hear about past witches/maidens? that wouldve been cool???#ALSO FOR A SHOW TO BE LIKE 'you must make a choice' BUT THEN VERY CLEARLY STEER A CHARACTER TO MAKE ONLY ONE CHOICE LIKE ??? IDK#anyways thats enough for me.#it was a nice way to relax. hanging out w a buddy and all. and now i get to burn my brain further on. qsets. 🤢#i promise im gonna do something nice for myself after though. after all the studying#gotta relax SOMEHOW#fena was the perfect way to relax and just augh. i love... i love fena and yukimaru#i also love helena and abel#FUCK WAIT I HAD FURTHER THOUGHTS ON THEM#i need to air out wtf is in my drafts/likes#that is ! if i can find it lol#yeah if i start talking about fena pirate princess here. sorry. its like my fave recent anime and i :) feel like chewing on wood.#fena pirate princess
5 notes
·
View notes
Photo
i can't believe i used all my tags on this. i have MORE TO SAY. honorable mentions i will not elaborate on: pikmin, runescape, OG animal crossing.
the reason for all my tags is because there's a difference between "most fun" and "most important" and feel like if they're important u should at least say why :3
#1. metroid prime trilogy: my first dive into metroidvania games and to this day it is probably my favorite genre next to soulsborne.#also as a space nerd egg “wow she's so cool i wish i could be like her” lmaooooo buddy..#2. eternal darkness sanity's requiem: REALLY great unique game. graphics r a bit dated but i think it otherwise holds up rly well.#great spellcasting system with a rock beats scissors beats paper type of thing between different uh. “types” of magic? sourced#from different gods that seem to exist outside of time. idk what bar it raised exactly but it made a strong impression on me#and I've been wishing i had something like it ever since. the sequel has been started multiple times but i don't think it's ever#gonna happen 😔 nintendo has some surprisingly GREAT rated R games.#3. fallout new vegas/skyrim: having enjoyed these so much I've had them on every system i think getting them for PC was a literal#game changer. i played vanilla then ultimate editions and Thought i played them to death but once i got console access on PC??#it kinda served as my entry point to using mods and recently I've even made my own mod for elden ring and dark souls 3 (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)#not that I really needed or used mods with those games - but just kinda being Aware™ that being on PC means u have access#to the game's underlying functionality that you don't get on console. making bat scripts for skyrim/fonv made for some#HILARIOUS gameplay 😭#4. Sonic adventure 2 battle: rly just the sonic games in general but this one FUCKS. Songs r bangers. love the characters.#u low-key kidnap the president for a bit?? more like u break into his car to talk with him nonchalantly lol but still 💀#i listen to the OST to this day!!! when i think of a favorite GameCube game this is one of the first to come to mind.#and the chaos 🥺🥺🥺 and Rogue hey queen (。ノω\。)#5. hard to pick a Last One here.. I'm sure there are a lot of games that could be a stand-in choice but RE4/Dead Space Trilogy:#these were some GREAT horror survival games with a good plot and engaging gameplay. Dead Space especially was one me and#all my friends played and took turns playing (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤ just the time spent together alone was good but just rly solidifying that#u can have horror a good plot And good gameplay all in one. i love survival horror as a genre to this day ( ◜‿◝ ) wish i could#remember others i played but i can't?? speaks to how iconic they were at the time though.#6. (honorable mention) the mass effect trilogy: u wanna talk about great plot and engaging gameplay?? these games were SO#fucking good omg 😭 i LOVE the lil class system and the different abilities u get to use i loved that u could carry ur character and#decisions across games. and the fucking TRAGEDY of ur faves not making it thru the ending of ME2 (〒﹏〒) I fr#Went Back so i could try again and again till i at LEAST saved Jack but also saved everyone.#i think the emotional payoff for all ur characters ur invested in r pretty good when u make it to the third since it's p cinematic?#kinda want to play it again. ick do i want to touch the origin launcher though is the real question (´-﹏-`;) i bought it in a bundle#on steam and immediately asked for a refund when i realized i couldn't just play it through the steam launcher (ノ`⌒´)ノ┫:・┻┻#anyways. lots of time spent there too and another addition to the “you can have fun gameplay AND a great plot” pile.
110K notes
·
View notes