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b3ach-bunn7 · 5 months ago

Text

WE SUFFOCATED OUR LOVE

a random number starts texting you and you decide to text back

Or, the bassist of your favourite band accidentally messages you and u fall in love

inspired by this fic 😆 and my fav band the driver era

band!au, no quirks, text form, eventual romance

————————————————————————-

September 18th

10:37 pm

Unknown: Ask Shiggy to grab me a monster on his way back

You: a monster?? are u 12…

Unknown: Shut up and ask

You: sorry I think you have the wrong number

Unknown: No I don’t

You: lowkey u do..

You: r u trying to hack me

Unknown: You’re still texting me so u would probably fall for it

You: okay ur still textjng me genius

Unknown: Texting*

You: Shut up.

You: okay don’t actually shut up

Unknown: Thought I was a hacker

You: maybe I wanna be hacked

Unknown: Is this flirting

You: maybe

You: r u really sexy

Unknown: Extremely

You: 😍 feeling bashful rn

You: why r u drinking monsters anyways

You: Wait am i actually messaging a 12 yr old

September 19th

4:03 am

Unknown: I’m not 12 years old

Unknown: I’m 24

Unknown: And i drink monsters for energy

Unknown: And because they r yummy

Unknown: And cheap

You: omfg you don’t need a separate text for every word

Unknown: Oh

Unknown: Didn’t think you’d be awake so late

You: well I wasn’t but SOMEONE is messaging me at 4am

You: also I’m 24 2

Unknown: Didn’t ask

You: kys

Unknown: Ok bye

You: pussy

You: why are u even awake so late

Unknown: I’m writing

You: omg 😳 are u an author

Unknown: Lol no

Unknown: I write music

You: OMG

You: even better

You: what do u play

Unknown: Bass

Unknown: And I sing kinda

You: kinda?

Unknown: I sing backup mainly

Unknown: Or lead if I’m feeling extra generous

You: generous?

Unknown: To please all my loving woman fans ofc 😫

You: EWW TF

You: DONT EVER USE EMOJIS AGAIN BRUH 😭

Unknown: 😭💔.

You: literally throwing up alllllxover my room

Unknown: Weirdo

Unknown: Go to sleep

You: don’t tell me what to do 🙄

Unknown: Okay don’t sleep

You: lowkey have to I have uni tomorrow

Unknown: Loser

You: shush

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 19th

8:47 am

You: FUCK YOU

September 19th

2:30 pm

Unknown: Meanie 😢

You: i overslept because of you

Unknown: Were you up all night thinking about me

You: i dont eben know ur name

Unknown: Dabi

You: oh ur sooooo emo and edgy

Dabi: Shut up

You: nobody... understands you😕⛓️🥀

Dabi: You gonna tell me ur name or what

You: Y/N

Dabi: Pretty name

You: dont stalk me plz

Dabi: No promises

————————————————————————

September 28th

10:02 pm

You: so if u dont go uni what do you do

Dabi: I told you i write music

Dabi: Am also in a band

You: wait are u like

You: successful

You: like do u make money from it

Dabi: Well yes

Dabi: Its my job

You: wait thats kinda cool

Dabi: 😎

You: take it back so fast

You: do u stream ur music on like spotify

You: let me listen

You: whats ur band called

Dabi: No

You: mid name but i will look it up

Dabi: I dont wanna tell you

Dabi: Not right now at least

You: r u like super famous

You: am i messaging harry styles rn

Dabi: Im sorry i kept this from u for so long

You: is 1D cming back

You: plz

Dabi: Never

Dabi: Narry ruined us😔

You: HAHAH

You: HWO DO U KNOW WHAT TAHT IS

Dabi: I have a sister

Dabi: But seriously I'll tell you one day

You: how do ik ur not lying about ur music 🤔

Dabi: [image attachment]

September 28th

10:13pm

You: MINABHABHAE

You: LOOK

You: OMFG

You: [image attachment]

You: HIS HAND IS ALL TATTED UP AND SEXY

You: AND THAT BASS

You: just creamed my pants

Mina: GIRL

Mina: you dont even know what he looks like

Mina: he does have sexy hands tho

You: sexy hands = sexy face

You: its litch science

Mina: ur so whipped and its been a week

You: uhm

You: ten days actually

Mina: ur not right in the head

September 28th

10:22 pm

Dabi: Did my incredible bass shock u to silence

You: i literally collapsed when i saw it

You: i like the blue

You: also ur tattoos are cool

Dabi: Thanks babe

You: mhm

You: yh

You: did they hurt

You: when u got them done

Dabi: Nah they werent too bad

Dabi: Worst was probs the ones on my chest

You: r u like alll tatted up

Dabi: I am

Dabi: That okay?

You: mhm

You: very cool

You: i want a tatto but im lowkey scared like

You: what if it hurts

Dabi: Ill get one with you

Dabi: Ill talk you through it

Dabi: Distract you from the pain

You: mhm

You: yes

You: very good

You: my roomates calling me ttylxox

September 28th

10:30pm

You: [screenshot]

You: hes SOO FLIRTING RIGHT

Mina: oh babe this reads like a porno

You: DFHBAJHF

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 11th

8:37 pm

You: [link attachment]

You: listen to this song

You: LOV is the best band eva

Dabi: LOL

You: WHAT

You: its so good its my fav band

You: im seeing them next month

Dabi: Really

You: r u jelly

Dabi: Very

Dabi: If only i could be there

You: i think theres still tickets for sale if u acc wanna come

Dabi: You tryna see me in person?

You: mayhaps

You: ur just so mysterious

You: what if ur actually like a pedo

Dabi: The fuck

Dabi: I’m no pedo

You: okay cool

You: you can come to the concert then

Dabi: Seriously?

October 11th

8:47pm

You: MINA

You: PLEASE

You: [screenshot attachment]

You: SHALL I SAY YEA

Mina: UHM

Mina: YES

Mina: concerts are public so if he’s actually a creep you’ll be safe

You: OKAY

October 11th

8:50pm

You: okay omg

You: shall we actually do this

Dabi: Yeah

Dabi: You got another month to figure out if I’m a pedo

You: now I deffo think you’re one

—————————————————————————

October 17th

6:45 pm

Dabi: Does this sound good

Dabi: [audio message]

You: WOAH

You: that sounds really good

You: is that u talking at the end

Dabi: Yeah my roommate walked in

You: ur voice is so deep

Dabi: Sexy right

You: gosh so modest too

Dabi: I’m working on a new song but I can’t tell if I like that riff

You: u should like it

You: it’s very good

Dabi: Thanks babe

You: soooooo

You: can u show me ur band now 😁

Dabi: No 😁

You: 🤬

—————————————————————————

October 21st

8:33pm

You: what would u do if we meet irl and IM actually famous

You: like u pull up to the concert and I’m there but I’m actually like Jojo siwa or something

Dabi: I’d be a bit disappointed

You: u don’t fw jojo??

Dabi: No but she’s gay and I’d hope all my flirting was being put to good use here

You: hardee har

————————————————————————

October 25th

6:45pm

You: I’m supposed to be studying but

You: I can’t stop thinking if halloweeen😝

Dabi: You going trick or treating?

You: i wish

You: unfortunately too old for that now

Dabi: Loser

Dabi: My little brothers 11 so I get to do it with him

Dabi: But I gotta act cool like I don’t wanna do it

You: IM SO JELLY

You: can I borrow ur little brother on the 31st of October plz

Dabi: No weirdo

You: sigh

You: I’m going to a party at least

Dabi: Oh yeah

Dabi: What are u dressing up as

You: me and my friend are going as monster high girls 😁😁😁

You: shes draculaura and I’m clawdeen 😜

Dabi: Sick

Dabi: U have to show me when you do it

You: gosh ur so obsessed with me

You: but okay

—————————————————————————

October 28th

7:00pm

You: [image attachment]

You: the fit is ready

Dabi: Why aren’t u wearing it

You: im gonnna do the full reveal ON halloween

Dabi: Sigh fine

You: what are you wearing punk

Dabi: Punk 😭

You: LOL

Dabi: U can’t laugh

You: okay…

Dabi: You know that show curious George

You: HAHAHA

You: R U FONNA BE THE YELLOW HAT MAN

Dabi: You said u wouldn’t laugh 😔

You: NO ITS SO CUTE

Dabi: I got him a little monkey onesie

You: AWWW

You: THATS SO CUTE

October 28th

7:10 pm

You: [screenshot attachment]

You: when he’s a good older brother 😍😍❤️😝

Mina: okay bare minimum 😍😍😍

You: SHUT UP

—————————————————————————-

October 31st

6:00 pm

Dabi: [image attachment]

Dabi: Ur favourite childhood father figure

You: OMG

You: U GUYS LOOK SO GOOD

You: crazy how ur face is covered🙄

Dabi: You love the thrill of the mystery

Dabi: Let’s see ur costume

You: my party starts at like nine bruh 😭

You: im in bed watching movies

Dabi: Loser

Dabi: Imagine not trick or treating

You: u suck so much

Dabi: Ofc I do 😋

You: VOMIT 🤢

October 31st

6:07pm

You: [image attachment]

You: Mina.

You: look at his ARMS IN THAT SUIT

Mina: it’s bright yellow

You: HES CURIOUS GEORGE MAN

You: his little brothers the monkey

Mina: WAIT WHY IS THAT KINDA CUTE

You: IK

Mina: and he does look sexy in that button up

You: the tattoos🤤

Mina: love a man with a dark past 😍

You: god im so scared to see him

You: the concerts on the 10th

Mina: you’ll be okay babe Dw

October 31st

8:30pm

You: [image attachment]

You: it’s…. A full moon.. I feel myself… changing 🐺

Dabi: Woah

Dabi: You look hot

You: omg

You: thank u

Dabi: You’re pretty too

Dabi: R u wearing that to the concert

You: LOL NO

You: I haven’t decided yet

Dabi: U have to show me

Dabi: So I can find you

You: and how am I gonna find you

Dabi: You’ll find me

November 3rd

7:02pm

Dabi: [audio attachment]

Dabi: Listen please 😄

Dabi: What do you think

You: why r u acc good at this

You: I LOVE

You: yk it kinda sounds like LOV

You: I think you’ll like their music

Dabi: Girl I listen to them

You: GIRL???

You: sassy man apocalypse is alive and well

Dabi: Whos ur favourite band member

You: hmmmm

You: I like the drummer

You: himiko she’s so cute

You: but the bassist 🤤🤤🤤

You: Touya

You: need him in ways I can’t articulate over message 😳

You: uhm where did u go

You: did my thirsting freak u out

Dabi: No ur good

Dabi: I thought you’d like the guitarist

Dabi: Shiggy

Dabi: Every girl is obsessed with him

You: yeah but Touya is all emo kinda

You: I love it

November 8th

9:00pm

You: [image attachment]

You: fit check for the concert😜

Dabi: I love it

Dabi: Very Blue

Dabi: That’s my fav colour

You: that’s why I’m wearing it??

Dabi: Blushing rn 🤭

You: HAHA

November 10th

6:30 pm

You: On my way! now

You: tf

Dabi: Can’t wait to see you!

You: LOL SHUSH

You: im nervous

Dabi: Don’t be

Dabi: Im excited to see you

You: me too 😆

November 10th

6:50pm

Mina: be careful plz

Mina: there’s loads of people around but still

Mina: he could be a freak in disguise

You: I know babe Dw dw

You: I’ll keep u updated

Mina: good

Mina: r u gonna give him a biggggg fat smooch 🤤

You: SHUT UP

November 7th

7:00pm

You: are you here?

Dabi: Yeah

You: omg

You: im scared

Dabi: Lowkey same

Dabi: But im so manly and strong so im actually not scared

You: LOL

Dabi: Okay wait

Dabi: I need to tell you smth

You: is this u telling me the pedo allegations r true….

Dabi: Before we meet u need to know

You: yeah what’s up?

Dabi: Idk how to say this without u thinking I’m lying but

Dabi: I’m Touya

You: uh

You: what 😅

Dabi: I just didn’t wanna tell you because I thought you might like

Dabi: Idk people r so weird about it when they find out

Dabi: And I didn’t want you to just talk to me because of that

Dabi: Especially when I found out u listen to our music

Dabi: I’m sorry I never told u

Dabi: Y/N? You there?

You: yeah I just

You: slightly confused

You: idk how to tell if ur lying or not

Dabi: [image attachment]

Dabi: Theres the face reveal you’ve been after

You: what the sigma

You: okay

You: woah

You: so I’ve actually been dming a celebrity

Dabi: You prefer me or Harry styles

You: you deffo

You: but I think you knew that from my messages from before

Dabi: Yeah i remember

Dabi: Dw you can articulate all the ways you need me after the show

You: haahahahhahaha

You: 😁😁😁 okay

Dabi: I have smth for you though

You: you do?

Dabi: Yeah

Dabi: Go to the back door where that scary security guy is

Dabi: His name is Spinner

Dabi: Tell him Dabi sent you

You: OKAY

You: :((( THIS IS SO CUTE

Dabi: You like them?

You: I can’t believe u got me flowers 😢

You: thank you!!!

Dabi: That’s alright

Dabi: Okay I need to go warm up

Dabi: I’ll be looking for you in the crowd

You: I’ll be staring at you too

Dabi: I said looking

You: same diff

You: wait hold on

Touya: What?

You: nm nm

You: good luck for ur show 😆

Touya: Thanks babe

BONUS

November 7th

5:05pm

Touya: Toga

Touya: TOGAAAAA

Toga: WTF DO U WANT

Touya: If I was gonna get a girl flowers what should I get her

Toga: GASP GASP

Toga: WHO R U RIZZING UP

Touya: Literally fuck off never say that

Toga: is this that girl you’re always messaging

Toga: and smiling at ur phone 🥺🥺

Touya: Fuck off

Toga: IT ISSSSSS

Toga: IS SHE COMING TONIGHT

Touya: Yes

Toga: AHHSSHAHWHW

Toga: THIS IS SO EXCITING

Touya: I’m so happy ur having so so much fun

Toga: I so ammmmmm

Toga: but why don’t u ask her what she wants

Touya: It’s a surprise idiot

Toga: AWWWWWWWW

Toga: okay well if u wanna be so really romantic u could get her roses

Toga: or maybeee tulips or lillies

Toga: she’ll like whatevs u get her

Touya: Okay

Touya: Thanks

Toga: that’s okay lover boy 😍🥰

Touya: Kys

—————————————————————————-

THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE OH EM GEE but it lowkey took longer than I thought it would… but i hope u all enjoyed 😁��

also y/ns messaging is literally just how I message.. I fear this is the most self indulgent fic I’ve ever written

#oneshot #fluff #dabi/reader #touya todoroki x reader #dabi x reader #bnha touya #bnha dabi #league of villains #toga himiko #toga himiko x reader #band au #b3ach bunn7 #touya todoroki #mha dabi #dabi todoroki #dabi

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sowhat-whynot · 3 months ago

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Boyfriend tag!

request: “maybe do our own version of doing his makeup like mandy did w martin?”

a/n: this request had a few ideas in one btw also this is my first lil story on here so go easy on me, queens.

bf!hamzah x fem reader

──★ ˙ ̟🐇 ꩜ .ᐟ

Being a youtuber was fun cuz you got to come up with your own ideas and no one could stop you so naturally, you wanted to piss Hamzah off a bit. You had asked him to come film a ‘boyfriend tag’ video with you but there was something he didn’t know…that you’d also be doing his makeup while answering questions.

filming…

“Hi loves! Welcome back to my channel today I have someone special with me, my boyfriend” you say excitedly.

“Hi everyone! I’m so pumped to be on here” Hamzah says, pumping his fist a little.

“Why dont you tell em what we’re doing today” you say with a smirk.

“She’s gonna give me that hawk tuah on cam!!” Hamzah giggles.

“Hamzah what the hell is wrong with you” you look at him in disgust.

“I’m sorry…so, we’re doing a boyfriend tag and this is basically for y/n’s viewers to kinda get to know me since I might pop into frame from time to time and then you guys are gonna comment ‘who is that fine sexy man in the background’ and you’ll know it’s me!” Hamzah explains.

“You explained that perfectly but I have a surprise for you” Hamzah look a bit confused.

“I’m gonna make you look beautiful and do your makeup, like I’ve always wanted to!!!”

“Are you serious” He stares at the camera.

“Yes, because one day Hamzah was watching me do my makeup and asked ‘how do ya know how to do that’ and today’s your lucky day, babe. You’re gonna find out” you explain.

“You know what whatever” Hamzah gave in.

You face towards your boyfriend to apply foundation with a brush while asking a few questions you came up with.

“Hamzah tell the viewers you name and birthday”

“Is this a joke?” He laughed, not believing that this was the whole point of the video.

“Just answer bruh. The viewers wanna know!” You say as you blend the foundation into his skin.

“Hi i’m Hamzah and i was born on March 5th, 2002”

“Ok, next question is ‘describe your high school self in 5 words’”

“Hot, cool, goofy, got bitches” He proudly answered.

“You know what..hell yeah! Except for the last one i know you got no girls and they probably all ran away from you boi”

“Next question, y/n”

You continued on with the question and you were the happiest girl alive giving your boyfriend the makeover of his life. You smiled while applying some of your pretty pink blush on his cheeks. You two got so distracted from goofing around it made it hard to take the youtube video seriously.

“No way it takes this long to apply all of this. You girls do this everyday??” He asked, appreciating your hard work.

“Yeah but honestly it’s not about how long it takes, it’s about how gorgeous you’re gonna look at the end. Like a pretty princess”

“Oh my god” Hamzah turns his head away from you.

“Look at me Hamzah i still have more questions” your hand reaches to his chin making him look at you.

“Next question is ‘do you remember our first date’” you ask while applying press powder on his face.

“Of course I do! It was a fun picnic date and I gave you a kitty plushy as a gift and we ate yummy food and I couldn’t take my eyes off you, i still can’t, you’re just so beautiful. Even the dress you wore. It’s forever engraved in my mind” His words are so genuine it makes your heart melt.

“Aww babe that’s actually so sweet i love you” you practically look at him with heart eyes.

“Okay is the makeup almost done i wanna see”

“You ruined the moment..yeah i just gonna curl your lashes and put on a lippie”

“I don’t know what you just said but please do it fast” he impatiently said.

“Hamzah don’t move your eye im gonna curl it”

“What da hell is that tool!” He yelled.

“Bro bear with me and do as i say” you gently clamped his lashes and apply mascara on him.

You added some finishing touches: eye glitter, eyeliner, and a glossy lip. You turn to the camera and giggle a bit.

“Is it bad? Can i see y/n! Stop laughing” Hamzah said.

“Guys i think i did a beautiful job. Look at it!!! The eyes are so cute” You grabbed the camera and did a close up shot.

You prop the camera back on the tripod and grabbed a mirror to reveal the final look to him.

“Okkk now look” You handed the mirror to Hamzah.

“Holy shit y/n…i look different” he gasps as he touches the eye makeup.

“You’re giving Hamzah Charles” you laughed.

“Honestly guys she did a good job and i think i’m into boys now” he said to the camera.

“Okay i’m ending this video” you quickly say.

You did your usual outro and Hamzah just smiled while you did so. You turned your camera off and giggled at Hamzah. He gave a confused laugh, not really sure what was so funny.

“Now we’re gonna do a photo shoot” you jump in excitement.

“Are you serious!”

──★ ˙ ̟🐇 ꩜ .ᐟ

Hope yall enjoyed hehehiehehe & keep requesting ideas 💕

#hamzahthefantastic #hamzah fic #slushy noobz #slushy virus #hamzah and martin #mandysiphone #hamzah fluff #hamzah imagines #hamzah x reader #hamzah x y/n #this is what makes us girls

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honestlywynter · 1 year ago

Text

Stop Obsessing Over The Void And Subliminals (kinda rude rant)

as a person who started interest in the loa in late 2020 discovering subliminals. LOA is simple, idk why it took me 4 years to understand. manifesting is easy.

if you have struggles with manifesting. don't panic imma help you from being like me 😜.

1. Realize you are in control

Stop STOP and i mean fucking STOP. Giving the void and subliminals so much fucking power and bitching about it " OH MY GOSH i didnt enter the void wtf am i gonna doooo 😪 " or " THE SUBLIMINAL SAID 5 Seconds and it would work where is my SP? "

like gorl u sound desperate as fuckkkkk lol

but heres how we change this. first the problem is YOU. why the fuck you depending on some tool? thats like me depending on my feet to make my decisions and getting mad when my feet dont say shit back to me. LOL

but no you just need to strengthen your self concept. you can do this BYYYYY

- repeating affirmations during the day

- changing your thoughts

- Rampages

- &&&& Drumroll pleaaaaseeeee .... 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Sleep affirmations. they slip into your consciousness at night :)....At the end i will link my FAVORITE VIDEOS, for the self concept.

2. MANIFEST

oh shit you thought this was gon be long huh? no bookie its just two things. better your self concept and start manifesting. NOW i am gonna some tips.

stop giving the 3d power when you make the 3d...

EXAMPLE:

you start your day saying " oh i have my ideal body im soooo freaking happy i finally did it, like i been x pounds for everrr and i love my body "

and then the second you look in the mirror you like " damn bruh i wish i had my ideal body "

cause like why tf did you just ruin your fucking manifestation, why did you fucking react????

When you look in that mirror this is what they mean by " old story ".

Instead, look in the mirror and close your eyes and imagine your ideal body, or just deny it. " who the fuck is that in the mirror, gorll ik thats not me cause i got my ideal body ive had it since 1823 "

ALSO

dont let your thoughts rule u, u rule them. if you are in public and think " omg they looking at me cause think im big" NO dont do that...

instead say

" Girl they looking at me bc i got my ideal body, and i been had it since a baby in da tummy ahh"

exactly change that mindset. thats it. all you have to do is catch yourself, improve your thoughts and your self concept will be thru the mf roof. So den you can manifest in a snap of a fingerrr. period thats the magic 🪄 sauce bookie. also dont say will say have cause you already have it bookie bear ;)

im open for questions and i am open to telling what ive manifested WITHOUT some dumb ass void or subliminal lol.

heres the video; BTW LOOK AT HER PAGE SHE HAS MUCH MORE.

youtube

#manifesting #loassumption #loa tumblr #loa blog #loa success #void #void state #void success #the void #the void state #manifesation #manifest method #void method #void meditation #void motivation #manifest #meditation #instant manifestation #Youtube

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love-belle · 1 year ago

Text

i'll be loving you for quite some time !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their fall-in-love-again era is them pretending as if they aren't back together and having just a little bit fun with everyone.

for when you know it'll be them till the end. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // lando norris x fem!reader

prequel - i bet you think about me ⋆·˚ ༘ *

warnings - language

author's note - hiiii!!!! so sorry for being inactive i have midterms :/// posting rn bc i js couldn't wait!!!! i hope u like this <3 i love u thank u so much for reading <3

tagged @marsdreamworld @luvrrish @ccallistata @eviethetheatrefreak @f1-futurewag-16-3-4-63

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, alex_albon and 689,625 others

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6,728 comments

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username may god bless the dinosaur that died in order to create the fossil that was processed to fuel that took the car to bring her mom to the hospital to give birth to her

-> yourusername wow

username if she's seeing lando i will SCREAM

username all jokes aside, if they really REALLY broke up then i hope that everyone leaves them alone bc imagine everyone bringing ur ex (the one whom u dated for such a long time) into everything like if i were her that would RUIN me

-> username fr like i love them both but if they really broke up then i hope people leave them alone

username mother is mothering so hard

maxverstappen1 do you not remember what happened the last time?

-> yourusername it wasn't that bad

-> danielricciardo yes it was

-> charles_leclerc yes it was

-> kellypiquet yes it was

-> carlossainz55 yes it was

-> pierregasly yes it was

-> lewishamilton yes it was

-> lilymhe yes it was

-> carmenmmundt yes it was

-> heidiberger_ yes it was

-> yourusername oh my god

-> username LMFAOAOOAOA

-> username bruh the CROWD here rn

username earth is weirdly off it's axis since ur break up pls get back with dad ❤️

username no bc lando better be on all fours if he wants her back like nothing less is VALID

username HER.

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly, maxverstappen1 and 796,426 others

landonorris feels like a taylor swift song

8,728 comments

username LANDO NORRIS WHO IS THAT.

username TOO MUCH TO DISSECT THE LYRICS THE PHOTOS

username THAT'S GOT TO BE Y/N I WILL CRY IF THAT'S NOT HER

username if that's not y/n i will burn down mclaren

-> mclaren fix yourself landonorris

-> landonorris STOP PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT

-> username admin is done with his shit

username yo wtfff

username babe wake up new y/n and lando lore js dropped ❤️

danielricciardo interesting choice of photos

-> landonorris thank you ☺️

username i will not sleep until i get answers

username we !! need !! answers !!

username genuinely on the edge of my seat fr like WHATTT

username the lyrics speak VOLUMES

username no bc if this is not y/n i will in SHAMBLES

-> username FRRRR LIKE WDYM MY COMFORT COUPLE ARE OVER

username guys i know it was for funsies before but it's getting a bit silly now 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

-> username fr like y'all can stop pranking us now thank u.

charles_leclerc i hope she leaves you. AGAIN.

-> landonorris what have i ever done to you.

-> charles_leclerc ate my pasta

-> maxverstappen1 no offense but the day someone eats your pasta, it's the pearly gates for them

-> landonorris facts

-> pierregasly never eat charles' pasta

-> alex_albon it's deadly

-> charles_leclerc STOP TALKING ABOUT MY PASTA

-> charles_leclerc lando i hope she dumps you

-> landonorris you taKE THAT BACK

username LANDO WE NEED ANSWERS

username what the fuck is going is

username nice joke 😐😐😐😐 hard launch NOW.

username no bc that's y/n i don't take any criticism

username where tf are the twitter girlies they need to play detective rn

username lando this is ur last chance at confirming if that's y/n or not or else im hugging a tree at 178 mph

georgerussell63 you don't even listen to taylor swift

-> landonorris i'm a changed man

-> georgerussell63 you're barely a man

-> landonorris BLOCKED

username i live for the grid violating lando at every possible chance

username this has to be illegal they're playing with my blood pressure

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, lilymhe, charles_leclerc and 713,729 others

yourusername date night but it's js me telling u about my succulents and my cats

8,137 comments

username DATE NIGHT

username mom r u done with dad be so honest

username WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDERN (us)

username stay together for the kids ❤️

username SHE'S SO ANGELIC WHATCTHEBFUCK

username oh i js died died

alexandrasaintmleux pretty baby 🤍

-> yourusername i love u 🤍

username forever in awe of her likeeee

username im so in love i might stop breathing

username u can talk to me about plants any day of week!!!!!! i'll even bring my plants and they can have a little photosynthetic date!!!!! and u and i a humanistic one

username i am coming for u mclaren

danielricciardo i wasn't aware of you going on a date - lando (PLEASE UNBLOCK ME)

-> yourusername yeah it's js with this loser 💔 (no.)

-> danielricciardo wow and to think i chose your favourite place tonight UNBLOCK ME

-> yourusername no ❤️

-> username PLEASE WHAT IS THIS INTERACTION

-> username they're talking?????? omg??????

-> username not him still being blocked 😭😭😭😭😭

danielricciardo real daniel here please unblock him

-> yourusername lando give daniel his phone back

-> danielricciardo FUCK YOU

-> yourusername this isn't getting u any brownie points

-> danielricciardo I DON'T WANT ANY I WANT YOU BACK

*danielricciardo deleted this comment*

-> username OH I SAW THAT OMG

-> username lando in his redemption era we love to see it

username i love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

username lando im puncturing ur tires

username someone check on how lando's doing

lilymhe gorgeous 🫶🏼 you can talk my ear off any day

-> yourusername lily i ADORE u <3

username lando r u still breathing

username AHAHHHHSHDHDHDHDJDKDKSK

-> username real

username my pronouns are she not her bc i'll never be HER

lewishamilton please unblock him he's about to cry

-> maxverstappen1 tears are welling

-> charles_leclerc he's sniffling

-> carlossainz55 eyes have glossed over

-> oscarpiastri holding them tears at bay right now

-> pierregasly can confirm

-> alex_albon please unblock him

-> georgerussell63 he's genuinely sobbing right now

-> mclaren we can hear the cries

-> yourusername LANDO GIVE EVERYONE THEIR PHONE BACK ISTG

-> scuderiaferrari UNBLOCK ME FIRST

-> username oh this man's DEDICATED

username genuinely in ruins rn

username oh to go on a date with her ❤️

francisca.cgomes love 💌

*liked by yourusername*

username im so.

username ???? DATE ????

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, georgerussell63 and 798,528 others

landonorris she's kinda okay

9,728 comments

username WAR IS OVER

username OH MY GOD

username "kinda okay" don't like u weren't in SHAMBLES bc of her

username world is spinning again god bless

username never have i ever felt a sense of relief this immense

username SCREECHING WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

username genuinely speechless rn

charles_leclerc "kinda okay" you cried when she blocked you

-> landonorris OH MY GOD STOP

-> username LMFAOAOAOAO

-> username PLEASE OMG

username im here for every second of this

username YESSSHSHSHSHS

username i just fell to my knees at home depot

username OH MY GOD????????

lewishamilton stop being weepy now x

-> landonorris tell her to stop being mean to me x

-> lewishamilton she said nothing wrong x

-> landonorris SHE CALLED ME A MCDONALD'S CLOWN

-> landonorris x

username THE WAY IM GRINNING RN

username drought is over ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username they got back for ME

lilymhe you break her heart, i'll nail gun yours. got it?

-> landonorris yes ma'am.

-> username lily u will always be famous ❤️

username THEM.

username the biggest sigh of relief js left me

username NAHHH THIS MFS ARE EVIL LIKEE I ALMOST BROKE DOWN BC OF THEM AND THE WHOLE TIME THEY WERE JS SEEING EACH OTHER

-> username bitches (affectionate)

username missed my parents ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭😭😭

username LET'S FUCKING GO

username watch lando get a podium at the next race

-> username oh my man's gonna be motivated

alexandrasaintmleux don't make me pull out the 25272828 messages from u saying how much u love me and those ESSAYS u sent me - y/n

-> landonorris first, DON'T do that

-> landonorris second, why are you using alex no. 2's phone?

-> alexandrasaintmleux first, DON'T tell me what to do

-> alexandrasaintmleux second, i'm blocked???

-> alexandrasaintmleux please don't call me alex no. 2 - alex

-> landonorris first, noted

-> landonorris second, i unblocked you???

-> landonorris sorry alexA force of habit

-> alexandrasaintmleux oh

-> username nah they forced my girl alex to sign off as "alex" on her OWN acc 😭😭😭😭

-> username PLEASE WHAT IS THIS CONVO

-> username the two things i've inferred from above are 1) y/n is not blocked on lando's acc she js chooses to comment from other ppl's phone and refuses to elaborate and 2) lando calls alexandra alex no. 2

-> username this is a WILD place to be

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by kellypiquet, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 799,152 others

yourusername yeah i'll be loving u for quite some time or whatever taylor swift said (❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️)

comments are disabled for this post

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carlossainz55, alex_albon, danielricciardo and 825,826 others

landonorris happier than ever

11,638 comments

username LANDO NORRIS U ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE

username nah not him using the same caption that he used to shade her

-> username it's almost poetic in a way

username I JUST SCREECHED WHAT THE FUCK

username WAR IS OVER 😭😭😭😭😭😭

username the way i collapsed omg

username THE CAPTION HELP??????

username this is life altering

charles_leclerc not a funny caption

-> landonorris have a sense of humour

-> charles_leclerc i have you as a friend and you're a joke so, i do, in fact, have a sense of humour

-> landonorris you're getting reported for that

-> username LMFAOAOAOAO

-> username PLEASE OMG

username im sooooo here for this

username brb checking if my toaster is waterproof or not

-> username i'll join u!!

username SCREECHING OH MY GOD

username i feel like i've js managed to make two toddlers quit fighting and feel like such a proud parent

-> danielricciardo that's exactly how we feel

-> heidiberger_ so true

-> maxverstappen1 absolutely

-> kellypiquet they were worse than actual kids

-> sebastianvettel they're stubborn

-> scuderiaferrari the amount of times we've had to stop y/n from smashing his car is insane

-> mclaren we had to stay indoors with locked doors scuderiaferrari

-> susie_wolff it was horrible

-> landonorris every single one of you is horrible

-> carmenmmundt fuck u all i hope u step on a lego - y/n

-> landonorris FOR THE LAST TIME YOU'RE NOT BLOCKED yourusername

-> carmenmmundt idc

username life has meaning again

username omg

username THE WEEKND LYRICS OH MY GOD

-> username im folded

username SCREAMING IM SOOOO HAPPY

username they're so ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username they're actually so taylor swift coded it's INSANE

username brb gonna cry some more

username i used to PRAY for this

danielricciardo could've chosen a different caption - y/n

-> landonorris IT'S THE THOUGH THAT COUNTS

-> danielricciardo terrible thought

-> landonorris i take it back

-> danielricciardo ❤️

danielricciardo this is sweet

-> landonorris thank you

danielricciardo I LOVE YOU

-> landonorris I LOVE YOU MOREEE

danielricciardo bf

-> landonorris gf

-> username what in the world am i witnessing

-> username shh js look away

-> username what in the dando i just witnessed

-> username NOT DANDO OH MY GOD

username sleepover on highway !!!!!!!!!!!!!

username im sooooOOOOooo normal about this (!!!!!!!!!!!)

username ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

danielricciardo nice jacket in the last slide

-> landonorris yeah it'll look even better on your floor

-> danielricciardo mate what the actual fuck

-> landonorris NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

-> landonorris WHERE'S Y/N

-> danielricciardo SHE GAVE ME MY PHONE BACK

-> landonorris OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY

-> heidiberger_ wow

-> yourusername i guess it's js us now heidiberger_

-> heidiberger_ ❤️❤️❤️

-> landonorris NOW YOU CHOOSE TO BE ON YOUR OWN ACCOUNT yourusername???

-> yourusername yes ❤️

-> username this is CRAZY

-> username i genuinely have a whiplash

#f1 x reader #f1 x female reader #f1 imagines #social media au #fake instagram imagines #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris imagines #lando norris x reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris insta au #lando norris fluff #lando norris au #lando norris blurb #lando norris

2K notes · View notes

callmearcturus · 1 month ago

Text

valonia47: IMO Dottie taught Ted avoidance and denial as the only allowed coping skills, which is how he ends up in England in the first place: avoiding the conflict and denying how bad his marriage has gotten. In that sense returning to Kansas is Ted breaking out of that and reconnecting with Henry on a regular basis instead of avoiding the inherent reminders of his relationship with his dad

two problems with this take, if you'll forgive my need to make a rebuttal.

ONE: Ted winding up in England because of conflict avoidance and denial is not how I read the situation at all. Hell, I don't think a man can move to another country without knowing things are bad, and every time he brings up Michelle, it's regarding the trouble in their marriage.

also, uh

given the entire fuckery with Dr. Jacob, I don't know if I actually agree at all with that take. Ted winds up in England because a pretty serious betrayal of trust.

this is one of the most interesting things the show does imo. like when Ted first talks about therapy and is dismissive/negative on it, I literally went "ah another otherwise progressive midwestern man who nonetheless doesn't like therapy" because bruh that's a thing for sure

and then ted tells sharon about his history of therapy and I was like "okay that's a little unusual but cmon ted you're better than this"

and then the fucking slap in the face happens and oh my fuck, Ted was right, he was manipulated by a fucking therapist holy shit, like all of his hesitations are entirely justified.

TWO: For Kansas to feel like a success for Ted, a LOT of shit would have needed to be done differently.

a. he needed to make the choice of his own volition, not because his mother pulled That Shit on him as punishment.

b. the show needed to actually show Kansas as living place that has support systems and people Ted loves. WHICH TO BE CLEAR: THE SHOW COULD HAVE DONE. fuck, if you want to read a fic that actually makes Ted moving back to Kansas make sense, I highly recommend Lafayette Goes To America, which I vouch for as a Missouri native is a loving and wonderful depiction of KCMO and why you'd want to live there.

c. why the fuck did they do that creepy fucking musical sting on the final shot of ted in kansas? i watched it with a friend who'd never seen the finale and they fucking gasped at it.

d. and this is a huge one for me is the trick each season with the opening/closing shots.

each season opens and closes on one character in a very deliberate move, like a reminder that you should be focusing on this person and the journey they've been on.

and it's not a necessarily positive journey.

with Rebecca, we watched her through season one transform from a hurt, vengeful, cruel person who was thrilled to ruin the lives of everyone around her if it helped her meet her goals into someone who finally recognized the gravity of their callousness.... but not before her actions led to the team being relegated.

with Nate, we watched him blossom as a tactician and strategist, and he winds up the head coach of West fucking Ham by the end..... but in the process, he loses everyone who supported him and he repeatedly fails to recreate those relationships in S3

with Ted, the show holds me down and kicks me repeatedly in the stomach until i admit i love a good tragedy I MEAN ted is successful, loved, respected, and supported by the people around him, he continues to work on himself in this place that he comes to adapt to and love... and instead of him asking "hey maybe i should review my custody arrangement and ask my son if he'd like to live here with me" he loses ALL OF THAT

there's this moment that makes the pain worse, this little (intentional? unintentional?) jab rebecca gives him. she begged this man to stay, offered to make him the best paid coach in the league, to personally assist in helping his family join him here, and he leaves.

it's a rejection. it's a rejection of richmond as meaningful, as people who love him, as his community and family. it hurts so fucking much.

none of them were worth trying for, ted? not rebecca, who held you tight when you had a panic attack? not trent, who detonated his career after shielding you from a press shitstorm? not roy, who came back to you and fucking quoted Jerry Maguire to your face, choosing to speak your language? fucking hell.

I blame Dottie for this, for how she looks at all the process Ted's made, resents it, and tears him back down. but the refutation of these people and their worth is part of the tragedy.

ANYWAY UH. I RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE. SORRY.

#ted lasso #ted lasso is a tragedy

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serial-designation-jey · 5 months ago

Text

ALRIGHT YOU GUYS ASKED FOR THIS!

MURDER DRONES INCORRECT QUOTES, 38 PAGES WORTH, THE SHIPS ARE NUZI, DIZZY AND OILROSE. THIS WAS MADE LIKE A WEEK AFTER EPISODE 6 RELEASED. BE PREPARED THIS WILL BE LONG.

**Thad:** We call that a traumatic experience.

**Thad, turning to Uzi:** Not a "bruh moment".

**Thad, turning to J:** Not "sadge".

**Thad, turning to V:** And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

**Lizzy:** *lying down and crying*

**V:** There, there. Why don’t you take some time off to not be around me while you’re like this?

**V:** Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation?

**N:** All the time.

**V:** Then you should be used to it by now.

**Uzi:** You need a hobby.

**V:** I have a hobby!

**Uzi:** Fawning over J isn’t a hobby.

**N:** How do you connect with a fictional character?

**Thad:** What?

**Doll:** что? (What?)

**Lizzy:** What?

**Uzi:** *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

**Doll:** Иногда я разговариваю сам с собой без причины. (Sometimes i talk to myself.)

**Doll:** Я тоже! (Me too!)

**Lizzy:** How do I tell Doll that I want them to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?

**Doll:** Uzi просто сказал: «У меня есть тяга к разрушению», а затем они нагнулись и развязали мой ботинок. (Uzi just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.)

**Uzi:** I will send my army to attack!

**Uzi:** *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

**J:** What kinds of sounds annoy you?

**N:** Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones?

**J, now interested:** Lets say imaginary.

**N:** Spiders wearing flip-flops.

**Lizzy:** Ow!

**Doll:** В чем дело? (What’s wrong?)

**Lizzy:** I have this weird pain right behind my visor.

**Doll:** Это называется стрессовая головная боль. Я получил свой первый, когда мне было четыре года. (It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.)

**N:** J, you’re mean!

**J:** What did you say?

**N:** You heard me!

**J, internally:** And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

**Thad:** Why are you two always out during snowstorms?

**N:** It’s so peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of snow.

**Uzi:** V bet me I couldn’t get struck by lightning, but she’s WRONG.

**Doll:** Так когда же мы им расскажем? (So when are we gonna tell them? )

**Lizzy:** Just give her a minute.

**Uzi:** *Pulling on a door that clearly says push.*

**Lizzy:** Hey! Wanna hear a joke?

**Doll:** Конечно. (Sure.)

**Lizzy:** Your life!

**Doll:** На самом деле моя жизнь — не шутка, шутки имеют смысл. (Actually, my life isn’t a joke, jokes have meaning.)

**Lizzy:** Doll, no.

**Tessa:** Keep it running. *Tosses keys over shoulder into empty parking lot.*

*The Squad cleaning up*

**Thad:** Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away.

**Lizzy, to Uzi:** Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—

**Doll:** Я не был настолько пьян от масла. (I wasn’t that drunk on oil.)

**Lizzy:** You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.

**Doll:** ПОТОМУ ЧТО ВЫ ЕСТЬ! (BECAUSE YOU ARE!)

*When a child starts crying in public*

**N:** *tries to make the child laugh*

**Doll:** *tries to play a game with the child to make them calm down*

**Lizzy:** *gives [bad] detailed instructions to the parents*

**Thad:** *cries with the child*

**V:** *ignores the child*

**Uzi:** *is the reason why the child is crying*

**Lizzy:** Why are we friends?

**V:** Poor decisions on your part.

**Uzi:** So, are you two dating now?

**J and V:** Yes.

**Uzi:** Why?

**J:** I happen to find V very appealing.

**Uzi:** Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with V.

**Uzi:** When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “Woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why N made me get tested.

**J:** Is something burning?

**V, leaning seductively on the counter:** Just my desire for you.

**J:** V, the toaster is literally on fire.

**J**: When I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

**N**: What changed?

**J**: Now I know you’re a fake bitch.

**J, passing their phone to N:** I'm passing the phone to someone, who if I had to choose between hanging out with them and having my organs removed one by one, I’d choose the organs.

**N, passing the phone back to J:** I'm passing the phone to my best friend!

**Uzi:** Two brooooos!

**N:** Chillin' in a hot tub!

**Uzi:** Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!

**N:**

**Uzi:**

**N:** *tearing up*

**Uzi:** Babe, c'mon...

**N:** AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.

**Uzi:** Babe...

**Uzi:** sapnu puaS.

**Thad:** What??

**N:** What language is that?

**Uzi:** Turn your phone 180 degrees.

*Uzi was removed from the group chat*

**V:** At this point I have to confess… I started to feel a little bad for Doll. Maybe it was the fact that I had just outperformed them at their own game, or maybe it was that I held an obvious advantage over the poor bastard. Maybe it was just that unbearable to look into their eyes. Either way, I started to wonder if maybe this was a pointless endeavor after all. What was I doing to this person? What was I trying to prove? Was this really some grand, noble quest, to tear an overconfident fraud from their unearned throne? To show everyone that I was right. That Doll did not deserve to stand at that zenith, to lord over all their lowly competitors. Or�� perhaps… was I really just doing this for myself? Beating an opponent within an inch of their life over and over and over again… all for my own petty ego. All to fill this emptiness inside of me. I asked myself, was Doll really the bad guy? Or was it me, all along?

**V:** But then I remembered that Doll ain’t shit, and I got over it!

*Bullying Prevention Day at school*

**Teacher:** Uzi, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?

**Uzi:** Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case—

**Teacher:** To write something to your teacher?

**Uzi:** —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always said the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school!

**Teacher:** *internal screaming*

**V:** This bloodline ends with me.

**Uzi:** That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".

**V:** How’s practice going?

**Lizzy:** Terrible. I want to stab everybody there.

**V:** Okay, just don’t get any oil on your clothes.

**Lizzy:** …you shouldn’t be condoning this.

**V:** Don’t tell me how to live my life.

**Uzi, singing:** I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—

**Lizzy:** A mom.

**J:** A better love life.

**V:** Mental stability.

**N:** *clueless* Bagels?

**Doll:** Люди всегда отвергают мои идеи, и мне это надоело. Два предложения, и все всегда кричат: «Какого черта? это незаконно!» и «Ты не можешь этого сделать!». Мол, давай, дай мне поговорить! (People always shoot down my ideas and I’m sick of it. Two sentences in and everyone’s always shouting “What the fuck? That’s illegal!” and “You can’t do that!”. Like, c'mon, let me talk!)

**V:** How was your day, Lizzy?

**Lizzy:** Yeah, fine, it's anti-bullying week at school.

**V:** Oh? And what does that mean?

**Lizzy:** It means I can't bully Uzi for a whole week.

**V:** J annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow.

**Uzi:** There is nothing special about tomorrow.

**V:** But there is something special about watching the color leave their eyes as panic takes over.

**Lizzy, to Doll:** You wanna fight? All right, let’s take this outside. The stars are so bright tonight and the moon looks so nice. Here, hold my hand—

**Doll:** Не могу поверить, что в моем свидетельстве о рождении написано Ф… (I can’t believe my birth certificate says F... )

**Doll:** ...Как я не родился? (...How did I fail being born?)

**Uzi:** *About to do something incredibly stupid*

**N:** I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

**Doll, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl:** Я убил парня, и мне это понравилось- (I killed a guy, and I liked it- )

**Lizzy, whispering:** Should we call the exorcist?

**Uzi, also singing:** The taste of his cherry chapstick.

**V, appalled:** Call the exorcist.

**Uzi:** Guys… the principal just called—

**Rebecca:** It was Lizzy!

**Lizzy:** It was Braiden!

**Braiden:** It was Thad!

**Thad:** It was me!

**Uzi:** I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

**V:** *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

**J:** You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "Huh.."

**V:** I saw you.

**J:** Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of Tessa in a turkey costume.

**N:** Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

**V:** Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Lizzy, go find out if that thing can catch fire!

**N:** You're a bad influence.

**V:** And you don't know your sayings.

**Uzi:** Is stabbing someone immoral?

**Lizzy:** Not if they consent to it.

**V:** Depends on who you’re stabbing.

**N:** YES??!!?

**V:** The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

**Doll:** Хотите чего-нибудь выпить? (Would you like something to drink?) *They open the fridge* У нас есть вода, молоко, сок, тараканы, Доктор Пеппер- (We have water, milk, juice, cockroaches, Dr. Pepper-)

**Lizzy:** Cockroaches?

**Doll:** Тараканы это тогда. (Cockroaches it is then.)

**Lizzy:** No, that wasn’t-

*But they were already pouring them a brimming glass of cockroaches*

**V:** How long do you think it'll take?

**J:** I don’t know, three or four.

**Uzi:** Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?

**V:** Yeah, maybe five.

**Uzi:** Five what?!

*J Driving and taking V and N along for the ride*

**N:** That's a pothole. To the left!

**J:** Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

**V, sticking their face into the front over the center console:** Cha Cha real smooth.

**J:** I don't think that's how the song goes.

**N, crying and gripping the handle:** Please just take me home.

**J:** Country Roads.

**V:** To the place.

**J and V in unison:** I Belong!

**N, crying harder:** What the fuck?

*J and V are in a mirror maze*

**J, seeing V:** C'mon, you got it! Almost through!

**V:** Oh! I see you! *runs straight into a mirror, shattering it*

**J:** *Cries laughing*

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

**Lizzy:** I love me too.

**V:** Oh no.

**N:** *cries* I love you too.

**Uzi:** Sounds fake, but okay.

**J:** *A flustered mess*

**Thad:** Can I get a refund?

**V:** It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

**Doll:** Я думаю, мой ангел-хранитель пьет. (I think my guardian angel drinks.)

**Thad:** Hey, Lizzy? Can I get some dating advice?

**Lizzy:** Just because I'm with Doll doesn't mean I know how I did it.

**N:** There is no i in happyness…

**J:** There is if you fucking spell it right.

**Uzi:** We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at V’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!

**Lizzy:** Would you take a bullet for me?

**Doll:** …да? (...yes?)

*Uzi angrily bursts into the room*

**Lizzy:** *running away* Great, thanks!

**N:** You know, I really wish you’d just admit you made a mistake sometimes.

**V, stirring their coffee:** I prefer it with salt.

**Uzi:** Are you okay?

**N, crying:** Yeah, it was just the onions.

**Uzi:** *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to N?

**Thad:** Do you support gay rights?

**Doll:** Я буквально гей. (I’m literally gay.)

**Uzi:** They’re avoiding the question!

**N:** Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

**V:** Please, just say fuck.

**Lizzy:** Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

**Thad:** Eyy, homie!

**Uzi:** But then there's cootie...

**J:** Die.

**Uzi:** Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses? Like if horses weren’t a thing, drones would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

**V:** Elephants.

**Uzi:** Blocked.

**J:** Camels.

**Uzi:** Extra blocked.

**N:** Donkeys.

**Uzi:** Ultra blocked.

**Lizzy:** That dick.

**Uzi:** ...Followed.

**N:** Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute drone but I'm not!

**V:** N, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

**N:** It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

**J:** ...It was a bug.

**N:** It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

**V:** ...

**J:** ...

**N:** Stop looking at me like that!

**Uzi:** I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born.

**J:** Aw... that's not true.

**J:** It'd be exactly the same.

**J:** You're not important.

**V, admiring a sleeping J:** You’re so cute.

**J, sleepily:** I could beat your ass.

**V, lovingly:** I know.

**Lizzy:** I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation.

**Thad:** Yeah! We’re cowards!

**Lizzy**: Thad- no.

**V:** Stay foxy.

**J:** Die lonely.

**Lizzy, filling out legal paperwork:** Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

**V:** Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

**J:** I personally was created in a lab.

**Uzi:** I just straight up spawned lol.

**V:** Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices.

**V:** Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

**Lizzy:** *Pulls a glass of water from out of nowhere*

**Doll:** Где ты достала это? (Where did you get that?)

**Lizzy:** My pocket.

**Doll:** Как держать стакан воды в кармане? (How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?)

**Lizzy:** Skills.

**Lizzy:** How are you today?

**Doll:** Пожалуйста, не заставляй меня думать о своей жизни. (Please don’t make me think about my life.)

Here’s a bunch of shipping ones that I got:

**Uzi:** My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful, and organized.

**N:** *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

**Uzi:** That one. I want that one.

**Uzi:** Hey, J, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?

**J:** uh. Yeah. why.

**Uzi:** And you, V?

**V:** Umm... yes?

**Uzi:** Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!

**V:** Did she just-

**N:** Are you ready to commit?

**Uzi:** Like a crime or a relationship?

**N:** Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

**Uzi:** You always act stupid.

**Uzi:**

**Uzi:** Wait...

**J:** Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

**V:** Oh. We're going out?

**J:** Wh...

**V:** I want to kiss you.

**J, not paying attention:** What?

**V:** I said if you die, I won't miss you.

**J:** Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

**V:** I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting crazy.

**J:** But you’re always acting crazy?

**V:** ...

**V:** Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

**Doll:** Кем ты хочешь быть на Хэллоуин? (What do you want to be for Halloween?)

**Lizzy:** Yours.

**Doll:** …

**Doll:** …да, это было бы довольно страшно. (…yeah, that would be pretty scary.)

End of MAJOR shipping section

**Thad:** I was arrested for being too cool.

**Lizzy:** The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

**J, when V walks in:** Oh, hey, I'm just storing oil.

**J:** *“accidentally” smacks N in the face with a worker’s arm*

**N:** Anyone wanna play cards?

**J:**Sure, anyone have any poker chips?

**Uzi:** Plus four.

**Thad:** Pikachu, I choose you

**V:** Go fish.

**N:** I meant rummy-

**Random worker drone:** It's gin rummy.

**Uzi:** We’ve got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without

**J:** N, probably.

**J:** I'm sorry please talk to me

**V:**

**J:** Hello? World’s most amazing drone? Sweet Pea? Company assigned partner?

**V:** Don't sweet pea me you stole my bubbles.

**J:** I'm not doing too well.

**V:** Are you okay?

**J:** I have this headache that comes and goes

**N:** *enters the room*

**J:** There it is again!

**J:** I CAN'T DO IT!

**V, laughing:** I CAN'T EITHER!

**J:** I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

**N:** WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

**J:**

**J:** I appreciate it,

**J:** BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

**Doll:** J-

**J:** YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

**Lizzy:** J we gotta-

**J:** YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

**J:** YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

**J, motioning to Uzi:** NOT FUCKING THIS

'Can I copy the homework?'

**N:** I can help you with it!

**Uzi:** Yeah, sure.

**V:** Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

**J:** lol nope.

**Lizzy:** We had homework?

**Doll:** *Read 5:55pm*

**J:** We need to distract these guys **V:** Leave it to me **V:** Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. **Thad, Uzi, and Lizzy:** *Immediately begin arguing* **N, watching in horror:** Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

**V:** Time for plan G. **J:** Don’t you mean plan B? **V:** No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. **Uzi:** What about plan D? **V:** Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. **N:** What about plan E? **V:** I’m hoping not to use it. J dies in plan E. **Uzi:** I like plan E.

**J:** If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. **N:** What if it bites me and it dies!? **V:** Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, N, learn to listen. **Uzi:** What if it bites itself and I die? **N:** That’s voodoo. **Lizzy:** What if it bites me and someone else dies? **J:** That’s correlation, not causation. **Uzi:** What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? **V:** That’s kinky. **J:** Oh my God.

OILROSE SECTION because im running out of ideas and i love them a lot

**J:** Here's some advice

**V:** I didn't ask for any

**J:** Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

**V:** *Stabs their leg with tail* FUCK!

**J:** Language!

**V:** What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

**J:**

**V:** You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

*J:* You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

**V, drinking toast:** Why do you say that?

**V:** So are we flirting right now?

**J:** I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU??

**V:** That doesn’t answer my question.

**V:** Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

**J:** You and me.

**V, tearing up:** Okay.

**V:** .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- (I’M SORRY)

**J:** What's that?

**V:** Remorse code.

**J:** I'm even angrier now.

**V:** Am I in trouble?

**J:** Take a guess.

**V:** No?

**J:** Take another guess.

**J, pointing:** May I sit there?

**V:** That's my lap

**J:** That doesn't answer my question, V.

**V:** English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

**J:** You need to stop.

**J:** *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

**V:** *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

**J:** I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

**V:** It’s not a joke.

**V:** *sniffles*

**V:** I’m a legit snack.

**J, addressing the squad:** And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

**V:** But – that’s just a trash can.

**J:** It sure is!

**J:** Remember when we didn't try to solve all our problems with attempted murder?

**V:** Stop romanticizing the past.

**V:** I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives

**J:** I wake up at 4:30 AM

**V:**

**V:** I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives

**J:** V...

**V:** Oh no, 'V' in b-flat.

**V:** You're disappointed.

**J:** petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday

**V:** Wednesay

**J:** Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible

**V:** You love me, right, J?

**J:** Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

*J and V skipping stones on a (frozen) lake*

**J:** It’s such a nice night..

**V, whispering:** Take that you fucking lake

**J:** You're right.

**V:** That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

END OF OILROSE SECTION :’( it was getting a bit too long

**J:** Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

**N:** >:O language

**Lizzy:** Yeah watch your fucking language

**V:** OKAY WHO TAUGHT LIZZY THE FUCK WORD?

**Uzi:** 'The fuck word'.

**Thad:** Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

**Lizzy:** Oh my god they censored it

**Uzi:** Say fuck, Thad.

**Lizzy:** Do it, Thad. Say fuck.

**V:** Rules are made to be broken.

**N:** They were made to be followed.Nothing is made to be broken.

**Thad:** Uh, piñatas.

**J:** Glow sticks.

**Uzi:** Karate boards.

**Lizzy:** Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

**V:** Rules.

**N:**

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*

**J:** I will not let you down.

**Thad:** Sounds fun.

**V:** K.

**Uzi:** No, I'm fucking not.

**Lizzy:** Do I have to be?

**N:** Please god, I am so tired.

**Lizzy:** What are you talking about N? You love it here!

**N:** I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome.

**Lizzy:** See, the problem is, V, you’re playing 3D chess. I’m playing 4D.

**V:** I’m playing checkers. I don’t know what the fuck you’re playing.

**V:** I’m so tired.

**Uzi:** Did you get to bed late?

**V:** No.

**Uzi:** Did you do something strenuous?

**V:** No.

**Uzi:** Then why are you tired?

**V:** I’m alive.

**Uzi:** Sounds exhausting.

**V:** You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

**J:** What changed your mind?

**V:** Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

**V:** Are you busy?

**J:** Yes.

**V:** Cool, listen to this...

Somebody stop me im decending into oilrose again

*V recording whilst Lizzy and Uzi are arguing*

**Lizzy:** HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!! HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO!

**V:** *wheezes like a tea kettle*

**J, pulling out a knife:** I'm gonna stab them both.

**Lizzy:** YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG?

**Uzi:** It's my favorite movi-

**Lizzy:** SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, UZI!

**Uzi:** I'm not fighting with you, I'm not fighting with y-

**Lizzy:** GROW UP, BRO. GROW UP!

**J:** Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder.

**J:** *glares at N*

**N:** Well, sorry I have morals!

*The Squad's cooking skills*

**Doll:** *master chef*

**Lizzy:** *knows a few recipes*

**Thad:** *can follow instructions on a box*

**Uzi:** *made toast once*

**N:** *banned from the kitchen*

**Lizzy:** Why are you on fire?

**V:** This is just how my day is going.

*Lizzy and Thad are texting*

**Lizzy:** Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone.

**Thad:** What did they change my name to?

**Lizzy:** Chosen One.

**Thad:** Don’t change it back.

**Lizzy:** BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?!

**Thad:** I’m the chosen one.

**Lizzy:** In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

**N:** Wasn’t V with you?

**V:** In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

**Uzi:** Go to hell!

**J:** Oh! I’ve been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.

**V, from far away:** Me too!

**Uzi:** Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

**Thad:** Valentines Day? I'm ready. *Sprays an entire can of AXE body spray on themselves*

**J:** If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, V!

*Neither of them dies*

**V:** …

**J:** …

**V:** So do you wanna talk about somethi-

**J:** No thank you.

**V:** J! I thought you were dead!

**J:** No, just in deep cover.

**V:** ...But it was an open casket.

**J:** It was very deep.

**J:** V, I love you and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing?

**Uzi, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that V is sitting atop:** Oh nothing much.

**V:** I love you too :)

**Uzi:** Don’t mansplain this to me!

**J:** Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you!

**Uzi:** …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

**Lizzy:** Who the fuck-

**N:** Language!

**Lizzy:** Whom the fuck-

**N:** No.

**Uzi:** Is J always like this when she loses?

**V:** Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of (year).

**J:** YOU BUMPED THAT TABLE AND WE ALL KNOW IT.

**N, in a high voice, holding Barbie:** Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

**Uzi, in a deep voice, holding Ken:** Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

**V:** What the fuck are you guys doing?

**Uzi:** Playing systemic oppression.

**J:** Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!

**V:** The mouth of a jellyfish is also an an*s.

**J:** Stop.

**Lizzy:** ARE YOU-

**Uzi:** Fucking.

**Lizzy:** KIDDING ME?! YOU-

**Uzi:** Fucking.

**Lizzy:** IDIOT!

**Thad:** …What was that?

**Uzi:** V banned Lizzy from swearing, so I’m helping her out.

**Uzi:** I hate you with every inch of my body!

**J:** That’s not a lot of inches.

**Lizzy:** You think you're smarter than everyone else.

**J:** I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am.

**V:** I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows.

**Uzi:** I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

**Tessa:** Its hard to resist, I'm really sorry- I mean, considering your approach so far, you had us tied here for- what? Hours? And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are!

**Cyn:** What are you then?

**Tessa:** I'm a Virgo! -fucking dies-

**Lizzy:** She's the girl of my dreams!

**Thad:** You say every girl is the girl of your dreams.

**Lizzy:** I have a lot of dreams.

**J:** Why am I the bad guy?

**V:** I don't know, why am I the hot one? We all have our thing.

**N:** Do you always have to attack me with your words?

**J:** Would you prefer me to use a brick?

**Thad:** Happy Scorpio season. If you have to burn a bridge, do it safely!

**J:** With NAPALM.

**J:** Hey, wanna go hunt with me?

**V:** You have a gun in your hand. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

**J:** The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died.

**J:** I will not yield.

**Thad:** What’s it like being tall?

**Uzi:** Is it nice?

**Lizzy:** Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

**N:** We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

**V, trying to comfort J:** What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

**V:** I want to be like a caterpillar.

**Uzi:** Explain.

**V:** Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.

**N:** You know they have a lifespan of a week, right?

**V:**

**J:** That's just another highlight!

**Doll:** Выйди из моей комнаты (Get out of my room)

**V, standing in the doorway:** I’m not in your room.

**J:** You know, sometimes I really think I can be too straight.

**V, covered in bi merch and sipping an iced oil:** Sucks to be you.

**J:** I don't know, it's not my cup of oil.

**V:** Well then whose is it?

**J, staring at a cup of oil:** I don't know!

**Doll:** Бро, мне приснилось, что мы поцеловал. (Bro, I had a dream we kissed.)

**Lizzy:** Bro, relax it was just a dream.

**Doll:** Ха, гей, я бы тебя не целовать. (Huh, gay, I wouldn’t kiss you.)

**Lizzy:** You wouldn’t?

**Doll:** Я имею в виду, если ты не хочешь… (I mean, unless you want to-)

**Uzi:** This can’t get any worse. Can it?

**J:** Sure it can - just give me a minute.

**Uzi:** Ew. What kind of tea is this?

**J:** I boiled oil.

**V:** Guys, my friend here is bilingual.

**J:** Yes.

**V:** Which means they like both boys and girls.

**J:** Ye- wait, what-

**Uzi:** V, that's not what bilingual means-

**V:** Shhh, it's okay J. I still love you, girl.

**N and Uzi:** ...

**V:** Full homo.

**Thad:** Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend?

**Lizzy:** Generic excuse.

**Thad:** I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face.

**Lizzy:** I can.

**N:** Aren’t you going to say “have a nice day?”

**J:** I don’t care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.

**V:** Truth or dare?

**Lizzy:** Dare.

**V:** I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.

**Lizzy:** Hey Uzi?

**Uzi:** Yeah?

**Lizzy:** Can you move? I'm trying to get to Doll.

OILROSE SECTION (again) im running out of ideas and i love them a lot

**J:** Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

**V:** Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

**V:** Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

**J:** Okay.

**V:** And make out during the scary parts.

**J:** Th-

**J:** The scary parts.

**J:** Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

**V:** I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it.

**J:** What- how?

**V:** You’d be like “come with me to hunt… Mrs. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

**J:** *angrily presses V against a wall* WHERE'S MY JCJENSON PENS?!

**V:** ...

**V:** Are we about to kiss-

**J:** Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, V!

**V:** You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

**V:** I love you.

**J, not paying attention:** What was that?

**V:** I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

**V:** You look good in that hoodie.

**J:** You know where else I'd look good?

**V, zero hesitation, without thinking:** My bed.

**J, at the same time:** By your side- wait, what?

**V, throwing their head into J's lap:** Tell me I'm pretty!

**J, lovingly stroking their hair:** You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

**J:** Do you love me?

**V:** We’re literally married.

**J:** Yeah, but as friends or—

**J:** That was so hot, V.

**V:** I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.

**J:** I'm so in love with you.

**V:** You got a date yet J?

**J:** No...

**V:** Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

**V:** *seductively takes off glasses*

**V:** Wow...

**J:** *blushes* Haha... what?

**V:** You're really fucking blurry.

**J:** Okay, but if your not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your girlfriend?

**V:** Dude- Its satire!

**J:** THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

**V:** Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

**J:** Peonies, why?

**V:**

**J:** Were you going to get me flowers?

**V:**

**J:**

**V:** ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

**J:** BE A BETTER PERSON!

**V:** WHY?!

**J:** BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

**V, to J:** We had a date!

**V:** *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

**V arguing with J:** HOW DO I LOVE YOU?

**J:** NO BUT YOU HA-... you- love me?

**J:** Goodnight to the love of my life, V, and fuck the rest of y'all.

**V:** If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

END OF OILROSE SECTION :’( it was getting a bit too long

**N:** If you got arrested what would be the charges?

**Lizzy:** Theft.

**Thad:** Disturbing the peace.

**Uzi:** Aggravated assault.

**J:** Arson.

**V:** All of the above. In that order, probably.

**V:** I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can't handle that.

*V and J playing Minecraft*

**V:** Oh no, oh no, oh no-

**J:** What’s wrong?

**V:** I did a thing.

**J:** *You regret the thing you dID-*

**V:** *screams*

**J:** What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-

**V:** *screams again*

**J:** If a demon possessed me, I’d just be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck man.”

**Lizzy:** Ooh, I like your accent, where you from?

**Random Drone:** I am Liberian.

**Lizzy:** Oh, my bad.

**Lizzy, whispering:** I like your accent, where you from?

**V:** Pfft, you should meet J, they're such a tsundere.

**Lizzy:** They... they just stabbed you.

**V:** So cute.

**N:** I think Uzi is in trouble.

**V:** Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

**V:** I am going to cry. I’m going to cry until I can no longer physically cry anymore because all the oil in my body is gone and I die from overheating.

**N:** Are you okay?

**J:** Did you actually just ask them that? Like, you need that to be answered otherwise you won’t know?

*in a group chat*

**V:** First one to reply is gat.

**V:** *gay

**V:** Wait...

**V, day-dreaming:** When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

**N:** You don't know anything about me!

**J:** I know EVERYTHING about you! You are an open book written for very dumb children!

**V:** *casually taking four stairs at a time*

**Uzi, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time:** Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

**Doll:** Эй, Лиззи, я нашел паука. Крутой пацан. Спасибо, что ели комаров. (Hey Lizzy, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos.)

**Doll:** О нет, куда это пропало? (Oh no, where did it go?)

**Lizzy:** DOLL WHAT THE FUCK?!

**V:** If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2% drop rate.

**J:** What?

**V:** Good luck.

**J:** Stressed.

**V:** Depressed.

**Uzi:** Possessed.

**Doll:** Одержимый. (Obsessed.)

**Thad:** Impressed.

**N:** Chicken breast.

**Everyone:** ...What?

**N:** I just wanted to join in.

**Uzi:** Do you take constructive criticism?

**J:** No, only cash or credit.

**N:** So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

**V:** We're chopsticks!

**N:** Well... that's cute!

**N:** Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

**J:** No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

**N:** My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

**Thad:** My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

**Uzi:** My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

**Lizzy:** My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

**Uzi:** What's wrong with you?

**J:** Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

**Uzi:** Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies?

**V:** Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials.

**N:** It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby.

**J:** Rock also defeats baby.

**Doll:** Я от природы смешной, потому что моя жизнь — это шутка. (I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.)

**J, making coffee:** This is going to fix everything.

**V:** You know, Uzi, you are the sun in my life.

**Uzi:** Why? Cause I'm smoking hot?

**V:** Because it hurts my eyes looking at you.

**V:** I’m never donating oil ever again.

**V:** The second you walk through the door, it’s just one invasive question after another!

**V:** ‘Where did you get it?’ 'Why is it in a bucket?’ I mean, do you want it or not?

**Tessa:** If we lose, you’re out of the will.

**V:** I was in the will?

**V:** How does one turn their emotions off?

**Uzi:** Okay, so first go to settings.

**Uzi:** I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first.

**V:** No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

**Lizzy:** Okay, two person huddle.

**Doll:** Невозможно ютиться вдвоём. Это просто объятия. (You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.)

**V:** Bye J! Bye Uzi! Bye Lizzy! Bye N! Bye J!

**Uzi:** You said ‘bye J’ twice.

**V:** I like J.

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword*

**V:** Rude.

**J:** That's fair.

**Uzi:** Not again.

**Lizzy:** Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

**V:** Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

**V:** I'm so tough, I'm on alert even when there's no danger!

**J:** V, that's PTSD.

**V:** Well please don’t let J do anything stupid…

**Uzi:** Stupid by my standards or yours?

**V:**

**V:** Stupid by my mother’s standards.

**Uzi:** Smart. J will live longer.

**J:** There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.

**V:** I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.

*The Squad is gathered in the living room for a meeting*

**V:** *walks in and sits on J’s lap*

**The Squad:** …

**N:** Why are you sitting there?

**V:** There were no free seats

**Uzi:** But we made sure there was enough room for-

**J:** *hugs V tightly* There are no free seats.

**V, trying to impress J:** I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.

**N:** They turned it off and back on again!

**J:** Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!

**J:** Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

**Lizzy:** Truth or dare?

**V:** Truth!

**Lizzy:** Do you-

**J:** I dare you to kiss me.

**V:** *kisses J*

**Lizzy, to Uzi:** They said “truth”, right?

Squad reactions to being called straight:

**V:** The fuck, no I'm not.

**J:** Excuse the hell out of you?

**Lizzy:** Ding dong, you are wrong!

**Thad:** Who told you that? And why did they lie? For i am bi.

**N:** What?

**Doll:** *punches the person*

**Uzi:** At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.

**N:** My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear.

**Doll:** You’re a horrible person!

**V:** Maybe. But I’m rich and I’m pretty, so it doesn’t really matter.

**N:** Don't go to the pod.

**V:** Why?

**N:** I saw a spider.

**V:** Well, did you kill it?

**N:** It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...

**V:** My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look.

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freakinator · 5 months ago

Text

funny thing about how i view the conflict in todays stream is that i view flame and wemmbu in very separate ways despite them doing essentially the same thing

in flames case:

i view his betrayal as ultimately a tragedy, their history all thrown aside due to a combination of wounded pride and genuine upset

if yall didnt see his chat for this stream it was actually really, really bad, like his chat is genuinely so fucking annoying oh my god and is a really good demonstration of why i think streamers should be mean to their chatters sometimes to so i actually wasnt at all surprised that he was so upset but i thought hed log off instead of acting out like this

he wanted respect but literally ruined the months long work of one of the few ppl that were willing to trust him over something that couldve been resolved if he just waited until september, but at the same time i can kinda understand why he was being so impulsive considering again his chat is Really bad, but at the end of the day that really shouldnt have been something you took out on one of your few allies like???? bruh even mocked zams storytelling as if he didnt do thee same shit as well 😭

honestly one of the reasons i was sad about his betrayal is cause it kinda sounded to me like he was genuinely about to cry at first??? maybe im just making shit up tho and he def stopped sounding like he was gonna cry after blowing up the spacewaffles tower lol

in wemmbus case:

i feel no pity for this man, he wanted conflict wherever he can get it and he got it! i think hes a lot like zam in that he just wants some attention and most importantly something to do but whatever happens to him next is his own fault lmao, i respect his honesty tho like hey he sucks but he knows what hes about at least lol

the fact that he still kept trying to get a commission from zam (or at least guilttripping him about it for lack of a better word) like bro i know you wanted to do a capitalism morality dilemma arc with zam but read the room my guy 😭

maybe hes at least a little mad that zam kept turning him away despite the fact he accepted a commission from mapicc of all ppl but like. bro. theres a reason zam called him a nightmare customer lmao

that being said you can tell hes not used to going this overboard considering he offered to help repair the tree when zam got upset lmao

idk i just thought his evilness was kinda funny, still hope he gets his shit kicked in spectacularly tho!

its funny, despite being acting like the shitty no reading comprehension version of abyss he gives me the exact same feeling of schadenfreude i did for minute back in s5 and i believe part of it is his mockery of lore and weird complicated dismissal of moral conflict particularly regarding zam

by weird complicated dismissal of moral conflict i mean both he and minute both tried to convince zam to see ''their side'' and ''reason'' but coming at it from an angle that completely misunderstands zam and when zam points it out they dismiss it and act like it means nothing because of their ''objective'' view of reality, spoiler alert! its not objective at all and they refuse to understand things from zams perspective cause they think hes just being unreasonable or something

idk overall i think their motivations for doing things are just kinda... shit lol

like ik theres some pretty obvious parallels that can be made with s5 here but the difference between the og players and flamebu aside from the lack of style and drama is that the og players waited several months before they started acting out the way they did and when they did start acting out tgey always made sure evryone who wanted to get involved Actually got involved rather than doing it while everyone was away plus their opps werent their own allies (except maybe pangi depending on how you look at it)

#vod: I PrinceZam; Will Not Falter *** [Lifesteal SMP]#mine.txt #lifesteal spoilers

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shveris · 6 months ago

Text

incorrect quotes collection, part 2

sashisu + first years (nanami, haibara, ijichi)

part 1 part 3

shoko: suguru, would you please not satoru this into a situation worse than it already-

satoru: the fuck, did you just use my name as a verb

satoru: at least whatever the fuck is wrong with me is really really funny

shoko: satoru won’t come out of his room

suguru: just tell him i said something

shoko: like what?

suguru: anything factually incorrect

shoko, shrugging: if you say so

satoru, arriving moments later: did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

shoko: schrödinger’s cat is overrated. if you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day

nanami: we call that “traumatic event”

nanami, turning to suguru: not a “major L”

nanami, turning to shoko: not a “bruh moment”

nanami, turning to haibara: not “unpog”

nanami, turning to satoru: and definitely not “OOF LMAO”

suguru, entering the kitchen: is something burning???

satoru: *leaning seductively over the kitchen counter* just my love and desire for you

suguru: satoru the fucking toaster is on fire

satoru: i think we should kiss

suguru: and i think we should commit genocide on all non-shamans but we don’t always get what we want

suguru: name a more iconic duo than my incapability of taking care of myself and my insomnia. i’ll wait.

satoru: you and me!!!

suguru, tearing up: okay

satoru: remember when you didn’t try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

suguru: stop romanticizing the past

shoko: i don’t think yaga-sensei is very happy with you

satoru: what?

suguru: what do you mean?

shoko, stepping closer to the fridge: “dear suguru, dear satoru, i hope this message finds you before i do” wow that’s a threatening piece of paper for sure

satoru: you’re the love of my life and my best friend, i would do anything for you

suguru: i want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule

satoru: absolutely not

suguru: okay, truth or dare?

satoru: truth

suguru: how many hours have you slept this week?

satoru:

satoru: ... dare

suguru: go to bed

satoru: i don’t like this game

suguru: i want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives

satoru: i go to bed at 4am, wake up at 7am and work until 4am

suguru:

suguru: i want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives

(the last 3 are based on gojo satoru's official time table)

yaga: how many kids do you have?

satoru: biologically, emotionally, or legally?

yaga: why do i feel like you forgot the “illegally”…

suguru: if you can’t beat them, dress better than them

shoko: and look where that got you…

satoru: 112 dead people

satoru:

satoru: I TAKE IT BACK I TAKE IT BACK DON'T THROW THE RING THAT WAS EXPENSIVE-

shoko: we need to open this locked door. satoru, give me your credit card

satoru: here

shoko, pocketing it: thanks. suguru, break down the door

satoru: i need your help

shoko: the last time you needed my help we were stuck in the limbo for three days

yaga: there are seven chairs and ten kids. what do you do?

suguru: have everyone stand

nanami: bring three more chairs

haibara: go to another room with more chairs

shoko: the most important ones can sit down

satoru: kill three

ijichi: do you have any skeletons in your closet?

shoko: you mean literally or figuratively?

ijichi: honestly, the fact that i have to specify...

satoru: why are you on the floor?

suguru: i’m depressed

suguru: also, i was stabbed. can you get shoko please?

*playing chess*

satoru: *easily beats everyone because he knows how to play*

nanami: *doesn’t know the rules, but wins anyway*

ijichi: *doesn’t know the rules, and loses*

suguru: *knows the rules, but still loses to those who don’t*

shoko: actually, you can’t do that, because i said so

haibara: they named a board game after cheese?

satoru: suguru, what are you doing tomorrow?

suguru: having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do

satoru: my life is a mess

shoko: toru relax, go get a beer

satoru: i don’t even like beer

shoko: who said it was for you?

*ijichi and suguru are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff*

ijichi: oh my god! geto-san, backwards!

suguru, on the verge of losing his shit: really, ijichi? i thought i might go forwards into the river, i thought that would be a fun thing to do

satoru: am i right, sho?

shoko: i’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, i wasn’t listening

satoru: *trying to buy a father's day card*

satoru: excuse me, do you have any that just say "you are my dad"?

associate: well, i-

satoru: how about "you banged my mom"?

associate: no…

satoru: you know what, i'll just get a blank one

satoru: *writes* you are a father. this is a day. here is a card.

(bonus because i recently rewatched snapcube's shadow fandub and this is my fav line)

toji: let's see, the best way to make money is killing that star plasma vessel girl...

toji: *sees satoru and suguru together*

toji: new idea. adultery.

part 3 is already in the works lmao

#shveris’ blue spring #blue spring hcs #these are so fun to make #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk incorrect quotes #jujutsu kaisen incorrect quotes #gojo satoru #geto suguru #satosugu #shoko ieiri #nanami kento #haibara yu #ijichi kiyotaka #fushiguro toji

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27spoons · 12 days ago

Note

travis was a misogynist not a “bitch” and excusing misogyny with “he was 16” is not the move. do 4chan boys get a free pass because theyre still in high school? why cant any of you just admit what he did was wrong and say he grew instead of excusing it with his age 😐

i never said what he did wasn't wrong lmao. I'm a travnat supporter and a travis disliker (idc if they contradict each other)

I HATED his ass in s1. HATED. hell, I hated him for most of s2 as well. it wasn't until my third (I think.) rewatch that I started liking him. once I was able to actually watch the show and think about the characters and their actions... yeah. the way he acted started making sense to me a little.

also... time period. just in general. things were a lot different almost thirty (30) years ago than they are today. the way travis acted is honestly probably pretty accurate for an angsty, hormonal teenage dude for the area.

you guys can argue w me about this but I know for a fact if travis was a chick people would be all "ooooooh toxic yuri uwu" (and I only say that because I would also be saying some shit about toxic yuri. i love toxic yuri.)

low-grade analysis under cut

Travis has done a lot of things I don't like. Let's talk about it.

s1e2 - Nat is trying to talk to Travis about helping Javi. Travis gets all pissy and tells Nat to mind her own business, and then proceeds to leave (and not go help Javi)

s1e3 - Travis forces Javi to spit the gum out by getting him in a headlock. Yes, what he's doing has good intentions behind it. But the way he went about it? Especially considering how young Javi is and all the shit they just went through?

s1e4 - ohhhh boy. This is an episode for travis haters. First and foremost, finding the gun and just taking aim at squirrels (I think idr) for fun, scaring the shit outta everyone.

s1e4 - after nat fucks up her first shot with the gun, he starts saying some shit about "folding laundry and sucking dick", which is super out of pocket considering all Nat has been thus far is supportive of him.

s1e4 - travis points the gun at nat after she calls him flex. which, honestly, was probably just her being a brat in turn for his "folding laundry and sucking dick" comment. either way, SUPER out of pocket.

s1e6 - when they get back to the cabin (holding hands) jackie starts talking shit. travis sits like a submissive puppy in the corner and lets nat talk, when realistically, he's half the problem as well, but he lets her take the attack from jackie. he could have, and should have, stepped up. she isn't the only one responsible for hunting.

s1e6 - the scene where they almost have sex. you know the one. the condom falls out of his pants. the "how many guys have you been with" / "I just wanna know if ("I'm a slut" -nat)". that entire scene pissed me off to no extent. yes, he's been a misogynistic cunt.

same scene - the jason russo comment. "he's a dude", implying that its different for guys, when realistically, it has the same repercussions as it does for chicks. (insert nats speech about vaginas having monologues)

s1e7 - the almost sex scene in the cabin. yeah, he's nervous (and embarrassed), but literally running away????? bruh. not to mention how that whole scenario made nat feel. because, if I was nat? i'd feel like shit. just... terrible. then he spends the next little while just straight up avoiding her????? like????? dude

s1e8 - bobby farleigh. FUCK that scene annoys me. I'm pretty sure I made a post when I was rewatching it last time about how much it pissed me off that travis was acting like that when NAT DIDNT KNOW HIM WHEN SHE SLEPT WITH BOBBY FARLEIGH. SHE DIDNT KNOW HIM. and nat even admits she made a mistake by sleeping with bobby. ("are you seriously gonna ruin this over something so fucking stupid") mind you, what nat said afterwards ("this would have been harder if we actually fucked") wasn't cool either. but she was hurt, and you cant really blame her for her reaction.

s1e9 - him sleeping with jackie. which, you could argue that he was high asf on shrooms, but whatever.

s1e10 - him reacting the way he does when nat just wants to check on him after the events of the previous night. telling her that he got laid (spitefully), snapping when she tries to help him... yeah. he was being a petty ass bitch.

s2e2 - listen. this one isn't on him. i know he was having a whole crisis of faith, but hallucinating lottie while having sex with nat is WILD and makes me so uncomfortable every time I see it (which is why I cant blame sophie thatcher for saying "I've never watched the sex scene" because I cant blame you girl that shit gives me second-hand embarrassment)

Now, let's talk about travnat specifically.

s1e4 - Travis is trying to cut off his dads ring for Javi. he cant do it. nat does it for him. this is the first time they actually have a positive interaction (IMO). nat didn't have to do that. but she did.

s1e4 - the scene in the plane when they share a smoke and talk about their dads. its a trauma-bonding moment. i enjoy that. sue me. they're both able to connect on a level like that because they share similar experiences. both witnessed what happened to their dad. both had a rough relationship with their dad.

s1e4 - that scene where they shoot the buck. nat starts tearing up and having flashbacks. travis is able to calm her breathing down enough to kill the deer.

s1e5 - the scene where they talk about the girls being on their periods. its cute. they flirt and tease. ITS CUTE. sue me. their teasing goes from hostile to playful.

s1e5 - the "magic trick" and the kiss had me giggling and kicking my feet. its cute. nat looks HAPPY. how often is this girl happy anymore? not often!

s1e6 - that plane scene when they're kissing. nat saw that travis was uncomfortable (and likely in his own head) after the tray table thing, and she was able to get them back into the moment without too much fuss.

s1e6 - plane scene with condom. travis was just... insecure. nat realises that after he reveals that he's a virgin. nat reiterates that their relationship means something.

s1e7 - nat asking travis not to go 😭😭😭😭😭 puppy eyes bro. the way travis responds w tears in his eyes...............

s1e8 - nat having the talk w ben about travis. ben saying "I've seen the way he looks at you"...................... ugh puppy love

s1e9 - him sleeping with jackie and saying "but what about natalie?" before they do anything, saying that he thinks he's in love with her........................... if jackie didn't do the whole gaslight thing I don't think they would have slept together. but I think travis felt bad for jackie, travis was also still hurting from his interaction with nat about bobby farleigh, AND the shrooms. it was a bad combination.

s1e9 - nat having her talk w ben about how she thinks she's in love w travis........................ ugh

s1e9 - nat saving travis from shauna right before shauna slices his throat open. travis being #1 priority before she deals w everyone else.

s1e10 - the love confession. (WITH THAT MF ULTRAVOX PLAYING. THAT WAS FUCKED UP. YOU CANT PLAY THAT FOR A MOMENT LIKE THIS AND THE SCENE WHERE WE SEE TRAVIS'S DEAD BODY. FUCKED UP.

early s2 - nat waking up earlier than she normally would for hunting to help travis look for javi. does she have to? no. but she does because she cares about him.

s2e4 - travis being a malewife and helping nat get ready for the competition

s2e4 - travis being the one to pull nat out of the ice and comfort her after they drop the moose

s2e5 - the argument between them about javi being fucked up because travis stopped looking for him after nat planted the ripped, bloodied clothing. i cant blame travis for acting this way. id be pissed if I found out my partner did that too.

s1e8 -the "you're not a bad person, nat. I'm sorry for ever making you feel like one." ugh. traumatized babies.

s1e8 - TRAVIS SAIVNG NAT FROM SHAUNA. TRAVIS SAVING NAT FROM SHAUNA. TRAVIS SAVING NAT FROM SHUANA

s1e9 - the scene when everyone is like pledging allegiance to nat or w/e and travis places her hand over his heart I'm sobbing

anyways. yes. i dislike travis. but i like travnat. i hope i dont regret saying this in the next season, but for right now? i like them. there are more reasons I like travnat than reasons I dislike travis. travis has done fucked up things, but so has nat. their characters and relationship is flawed and I like that. sue me

#i got home and IMMEDIATELY got high so i apologize for the rambling #anyways im posting travnat gifs later today #fight me about it idc #yapping #ask #natalie scatorccio #nat scatorccio #travis martinez #travnat #yellowjackets

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