#like bro i honestly dont know if ill be able to go bc ive been doing so bad and i honestly cant predict if i will be mentally capable

[markets]

Honestly, read your post about nice in the long run and man. Feeling called out, because like, as much as it stings I'd prefer for them to say it from the beginning u know.

At least they're not wasting your time when they straight up go "Listen I don't think i can care enough about your problems, you deserve better." Like. Yes i do. Also be better. Also thanks for at least saying smth instead of randomly breaking it off and dipping. Also fuck you

Like... I feel like i CAN'T be mad, but. Still am that i wasn't important enough to warrant change and care from ur life. Hope you're better for your next partner bro bc eventually you'll have to care abd be better if you want somebody for the long run

RIGHT???? RIGHT?????????//???????/????????????/? like anon u get it COMPLETLEYYYYY. i cant be a good boyfriend for you so instead ill be nothing at all. i cant be a good friend for you so instead watch me be a good friend for everybody else. god when does it end genuinely. and then they tell you that they still care for you and its like well do you really because this really does not fit my definition of caring. not being able to handle a romantic relationship i can get but if you cant even be my friend well i dont think you care at all. the worst part is ive been on the opposite end of this situation before where ive had to end things with someone who i cared about because i wasnt what they deserved but that was because i straight up had no romantic feelings for them no attraction nothing. so its like ok is that really what i am to you. manwhateverr

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Positive(?): somehow avoided doing the inevitable

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[satoriberry]

helloooo congrats on 75+!!! i'd like to enter your event if youre not too stocked up

- my name is danica, i dont label myself and rn im feelin he/him pronouns. if you wanna use pet names im not picky but my favorites are traditional shit like darling/dear/love. personality wise ive been described as very doting (physically & verbally), dependable, and smart

- i think my only major important detail is i am not small. im abt 5'10 and bordering plus size. but even tho i have a lot of fat on me i am BEEF underneath bro im relatively built and bridal carry my friends for fun bc i like feeling strong and important so i beg of u pls dont physically baby-ify me

for prompts can i get a 123 with any member of the big boy squad (ushijima, aone, asahi)? for everything else go wild w it i love creativity :]

[PROMPT NO. 123 WITH AZUMANE ASAHI! ♡]

Asahi was, as some would say, kind of a creature of habit. He doesn't follow routines but he prefers creating a simple pattern to go by daily, to avoid any inconveniences and not have to make decisions on the spot. But quite frankly, today wasn't his day, at all.

His alarm clock gave out, and he had to be woken up by his dad yelling from downstairs 30 minutes after his usual waking hour, consequently, he didn't get time to eat breakfast. And another consequence, he had to quickly feed on those sugary artificial protein bars to have energy for morning practice.

His performance was severely lacking, another problem. And as a result, he was worried about Coach Ukai chewing him out during after-school training, even going as far as to think that his highschool volleyball career is over for good. He wasn't able to enjoy lunch that day, deciding to eat by himself in his classroom and leaving his friends confused (that's another thing he was worried about). To top it all off, he didn't do his best on the history test he was preparing for two weeks in advance, all his efforts going down the drain.

So, Asahi always hated minor inconveniences because they snowball into bigger ones and he loses his cool. He just wishes that this day would be over already, but I guess you could say there's some things he looks forward even in his worst days. Things like, uhhh, you! <3

His lovely partner that he adores and cherishes so much, and the person who makes him wonder if he waved an entire bloodline in his past life to deserve. There were so many things he loved about you; your smile, your eyes, your laugh, but most of all, your personality. It's not to say that you're his polar opposite, but he can't help and idolise you for your affectionate and strong self. You let it be known that he should never hesitate to come up to you if there's anything wrong, and that's exactly what he plans on doing.

He was nervous about doing this at first but he did it anyways. Taking out his cellphone, he texted you...

- Hey love, I didn't see you all day, where were you? :(

- ahhh i forgot to tell you. 2 of my afternoon classes got cancelled so we were let out earlier, im at my home right now

- Oh ok, we're having a break right bow at practice so I wanted to ask you something.

- yeah? :>

- Well today has been really ass, to put it bluntly, and I wanted to know if I could come over so we can spend time together. No pressure :)

- wait fr? that doesn't sound good, and of course, you can come over. ill be here waiting for you

- Thank you Y/N, you're an angel honestly

- <3

Putting his phone away, Asahi felt his mood already getting better, so much so his spikes and receives were a ton better than what they were on the morning. Maybe this day won't so terrible after all.

Practice came to an end, perfect. He apologized to Sugawara and Daichi who were more than happy to see him look forward to seeing someone. He was so actually so excited that he took the wrong turn....twice, but in the end, he reached his desired destination.

You were gazing through your room's window to see if he's close, and the second you saw his broad silhouette in the corner streetlight, you rushed to go get the door before he could ring the bell. You definitely caught him off guard with the way you stepped out barefoot and threw yourself at him, causing him to stumble backwards. Not letting go of him, you turned your head to pepper kisses all over the left side of his face, a gest which he reacted to with a wide smile and a kiss to your temple.

You took hold of his hand to lightly drag him inside, and started fo ask him questions about his day so he can let it all out. You were really grateful he sees you as a person to talk about his feelings too, it filled you with an immense amount of pride.

Entering your room, you jumped on your bed and leaned on the headboard with open arms, inviting him to nuzzle up against you. You really liked doing this because the tiny nervous smile he gives before awkwardly crawling and laying on your chest is, to put it simply, worth two arms and a leg.

You caressed the top of his head, admiring just how beautiful he looked while peaceful. Does he know that? You should really remind him because he deserves it. But what caught your attention was the bun his hair was in. You took his hair out and gently loosened the tie to ruffle his locks, mesmerized by how soft they were. He let out a content sigh which you considered a sign to keep going.

He buried his head in the crook of your neck, letting him take in your sweet perfume and allowing you to kiss the top of his head and pat his hair. He felt like he was in heaven, his partner holding him in his arms and making him feel safe and sound.

Asahi was a creature of habit, yes, but he doesn't mind going off track if it means being cared for so gently.

[cornappreciation]

It's been a while. Episode 40 discussion post below! Spoilers, obviously.

hi! wow! its been a while! sorry about that, brainrot said i have to think about nothing but warrior cats for like six months straight so ive been busy with that. but im back, hopefully? not sure if anyone really recognizes my specifically (or if they ever did), but anyways. since i didnt make an analysis post for the past,,, two (?) episodes, some of my cited evidence will just be "trust me bro" as i dont have notes to look back on, only my own memory. now! episode 40!

this episode was very corn-heavy, so that's gonna be the focal point of this post. ok, time for a quick recap. ive already established in my previous episode analysis / theory posts that corn is almost definitely been *replaced* by xolotl, not possessed or altered. its also likely the beast in the cave near metztli is quetzalcoatl (though this could be a manifestation of xolotl as well), and xolotl is trying to rid of him (this is why im working on the assumption is it quetzalcoatl and not xolotl in the reflections, however this could be some amalgamate of the two "getting rid" of xolotl….. who knows!). im going against my previous theories here! i said in a previous post the shadowy figures were likely xolotl, but im leaning towards corn here in the replacement theory, ill detail why later in this post. he also said at some point in episode 40 that he "got rid of his negative traits" (paraphrasing) which could be a reference ot getting rid of his twin. As for the evidence for replacing rather than possession: mind the difference in hairstyle in his human form, difference in facial markings, and his lack of transformation back into nagual form (likely because it would be markedly different. it could be that xolotls nagual form is reminiscent on corn's dream self with the face covered in hands? yall know what im talking about, ill cite the episode later. but this is unrelated).

All of this happened directly after he failed to shoot the mercy bow. Not sure if the mercy bow or the town is relevant here, but i figured its worth bringing up. This scene in episode 35 is the last we see of regular corn. He has been in human form since this point. He seemed to panic while holding the bow, which could be a mark of his personality in general, *or* something to do with being in metztli, bringing us back to the monster in the cave the citizens of metztli keep at bay with blood. This beast is likely xolotl (although as ive outlined above this could be an incorrect assessment) when the gang first enters the town, and has perhaps "switched places" with corn, leaving quetzalcoatl trapped in xolotl's reflection. This ties back to episode 40 itself, with xolotl (im going to be referring to the impostor as xolotl from now on, its easier for me) requesting that the nurses remove the mirror from his room and give him a wooden spoon rather than a metal one (that could give off his reflection). I'm not sure what this means for corn himself, perhaps xolotl just doesn't want to look at and be reminded of him, or this could be a strategy for getting rid of him? if anyone has any ideas feel free to tell me lol. Not super clear here. Maybe it can be explained by the mythos?

back! to! the! mercy! bow! which isnt really relevant to episode 40. most of this post isnt relevant to episode 40! because i think this episode mostly served to build tension and let us get to know xolotl a little better. but why not give myself a refresher and go back into some of my old stuff? just to get the ball rolling again. ive said in previous posts that i thought the reason the quetzalcoatl and xolotl,,, "thing" happened was because of the mercy bow presumably being destroyed or lost during the eruption of the red tezcatlipoca, since it isnt seen on screen after this happens. im going to tentatively retract this! i dont think its right (though it IS still a possibility….. maybe xolotl was able to take over bc corn disappeared WITH the bow??? but im not sure if the fact he was never able to use the bow disproves this……. hm.) we know *corn* is the proper wielder of it, yes, but i honestly think its more to do with the spooky cave than the bow (something i overlooked previously). its possible the bow being destroyed allowed xolotl to take over? honestly kind of stumped on xolotls method here. its also possible that my replacement theory is totally off mark and theres something im missing!

heres a timeline rq, starting with the gang entering metztli. corn and others enter metztli. they make their way to the temple with the mercy bow. corn attempted to use it, but is scared off by something or otherwise flys away for an unknown reason. this is the last we see on him. he appears only in human form from here on, with his altered facial markings and hairstyle a mark of him being changed. my theory explains this as xolotl pretending to be quetzalcoatl, from some point after corn left the temple and the red eruption. xolotl is likely the creature in the spooky cave the citizens of metztli keep at bay with blood. somehow, xolotl trapped corn in his place (his reflection), while he roams free, pretending to be corn. he avoids reflections of himself (as a shadowy figure is seen on them. This figure is likely corn. Others can see this reflection, as we see a guy at Blackwell drop his spoon after noticing it), and is "maliciously compliant" (uncooperative) with authority. It's likely he purposefully "got rid" of corn, as he says in episode 40 that he got rid of his "negative qualities". spooky! but this episode did not bring a lot of answers. great way to build up tension though! loved the constantly clock ticking as a buildup. cant wait for the next ep :)

apologies if anything ive stated has already been speculated on or confirmed otherwise ! like i said, i havent been active in a while (i even stopped using my main blog, so i dont use tumblr too often), so for all i know i could be the only person left in the no evil fandom on tumblr. feel free to add onto this or correct me or anything ive gotten wrong! ive missed interacting with yall on these theory posts :) might add on more later if i have any revelations.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[bitchesbees]

Im doing this all rn cause ill forget lmao

Day 1: stats

CW: 115.6 lbs

Day 2: height

Im 5’2 rn and I like my height. I could be shorter tho like 5ft even. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Day 3:

Ah ribbies and small calves

Day 4: greatest fear about weight loss?

Honestly not much lmao. I got a wide ribcage and shoulders tho so theyre rlly gonna stick out.

Day 5: why do you wanna lose weight? Is it for you?

I wanna look like sailor moon bro. Im just here to look like a lil anime girl dats it

Day 6: do you binge?

Obviously bro dats called eating like a normal person LMAO

Day 7: do your parents know you wanna lose weight? How do they feel abt it?

Im a whole ass adult its nonw of their business

Day 8: workout routine?

Sometimes I go outside to walk my cat

Day 9: do people ever make comments abt your weight?

My best friend literally said I was their thinspo so thats great?

Day 10: whats the hardest thing u gave up?

Nothing lmao. I still eat what I want when I want

Day 11: fav thinspo blog?

Mine

Day 12: what do you normally eat?

Breakfast:

one of these: yogurt but I dont like it so I dont have it a lot, toast+sunflower seed butter+honey, black coffee (eww), breakfast fried rice, or nothing

Lunch:

Usually nothing or I might go out with friends n eat with them if they invite me

Dinner:

Last night I had curry and rice :) . Its rlly just whatever I or my partner makes. I jus dont eat too much

Snacks:

Naan, kimchi and rice, avacados, fruit, stuff like that

Day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

I like to think im doing it in a healthy way :^)

Day 14: whats your UGW (ultimate goal weight)?

First UGW: 105lbs

Second: 90lbs

Last: 80 lbs

Day 15: are you vegan/vegitarian? Would you ever be?

FIAJJFJAJF N O. like yeah meat has a lot of calories but I live for salmon and pork its tastey :)!!! (If u are vegan/vegetarian dats great!! You do u <3)

Day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight?

Idk but ive been anorexic since middle school so 7th grade ig

Day 17: do you have an eating disorder?

Got diagnosed with anorexia in 2018 and I had been diagnosed with bulimia in 2015(?) but I dont have bulimia sO

Day 18: what food is your weakness?

Poke bowl, curry, denjang jigae (idk how to spell it in english lmao), canolis, any fish. I like food n stuff I just dont like eating ://

Day 19: when was the last time you ate fast food?

Last weekend with my partner :0 it was mcdonalds and I got nuggets and fries. I didnt finish it tho cause I felt bad :^/

Day 20: favourite diet?

Remember back in like 2016 when everyone was talking abt the alice and wonderland diet? Thats was WILD CISJJFJAJFJ I think that ones really funny and weirdly specific

Day 21: clothing sizes?

s to xs but I like wearing oversized things bc when I run I look funny. Like an oompa loompa

Day 22: what was your lowest weight? How n why did you gain?

I actually hadn’t seen a scale in like six months (bc I wasnt allowed to >:0 ) until last weekend and I was 113 :))!! I know I got p small at other points but I cant remember the number. Ive been binging all week which sucks and I gained 2 lbs but its whatever

Day 23: did media play a role in wanting to lose weight?

Yeah. Remember 2015-16 tumblr? WILD TIMES

Day 24: how do you feel abt the terms pro-ana/pro-mia

Its DUMB FJSJBFJAJF. Like come @ me if u want but its so stupid to be pro [mental disorder]. Like imagine someone saying their pro borderline or pro bipolar. Wack shit n im not here for it. And you can say this whole list is me being “proana” but im not a big fuckin creator. This is not the blueprint LMAO

Day 25: have you ever purged? What was your first experience?

Yeah I was diagnosed with bulimia (not bulimic anymore). First time I ate spaghetti and I has noodles coming out my nose >:00 its was NASTYYYYY

Day 26: what exites you most abt reaching ur UGW

Being able to be thrown across the room easily :> possibly break a bone on the way :> sounds like a fun time deadass :>

Day 27: how do you deal with being around food?

😑 i am helen keller

Day 28: do you want a gap between ur thighs? Why or why not?

Yes and no. Yes because I kinda already have one and I think it looks cute :). No because my phone would fall though my legs into the toilet when im using the bathroom :( also thick thighs are kinda sexy ngl

Day 29: your definition of beauty

Yall ever seen a woman? Gorgeous. Beautiful. Perfect. Believe it or not women is what peak performance looks like

Day 30: 10 facts abt you!!

- my partner has a mullet and I love it :^)

- im going to cosmetology school

- I hate black coffee >:( I keep saying I like it bc its zero calories but its literally worse than spaghetti noodles coming out my nose. N a s t y

- I dont like soda either.

- I have a cat :)

- my favourite season is winter bc I can slide on the ground like a penguin

- I dont talk abt my anorexia a lot to friends n ppl around me cause its such a mood killer :// dats why im sharing it here lmao

- I cant count to ten

[macklives]

session 63 end

okayyy. neat-fucking-o. thats done and boy OH FUCKING BOY i have a lot to say. and this is going to get mildly serious. sorry. theres a lot to uncover this session which basically is just one huge overall plot point. the whole timeline shindig. the thing that has messed me up for a few hours ngl.

man.... this is gonna be a long one. im not even exaggerating. (still, a tldr at the end)

so, the main thing besides from the time shindig plot, which is both important and essential and precious: DAVESPRITE <3 

k cool. ill expand on that throughout this whole note, but would rather like to make a whole analogy first before i do so.

so, to start off from last session, dave went back in time to fix jade and john’s death.

but i guess, from what ive read, GC never realized what she did was bad. she basically screwed everyone over and dave had to go back to fix things, which yes, does sound bad. but honestly? i dont think she really realized how bad it was until davesprite had the talk with her. and now they are both friends i take it, shocking development. but thats between davesprite, rather than dave himself so there may be two different views on how he sees GC. anyways, it was pretty bad. i wont just forget that. i love her character but she killed off two characters (who thankfully are now alive), making dave a sprite and future rose to just not exist anymore. or... well.... she does, but she seemed to have fused with PRESENT rose. which i guess we’ll figure out how that works the next time we see her. which will probably be on derse. 

but, tbh, GC wanted to apologize and felt bad about the whole situation. so im giving her the benefit of the doubt here.

now.. man...

can i take a second to analyze davesprite? and a little bit about the concept of john/dave’s friendship (just a tad)? ie the two greatest things in the world? thanks.

i think the thing that hit me the hardest was how davesprite (im calling him that to distinguish which dave im talking about but keep in mind i should be calling them both dave. but this makes it easier to write up.) well, davesprite explained how he’d continue to reset the timeline until john and jade are alive. which basically means he would use himself as a sacrifice to allow their survival. which ALSO means he cares more for them than he does himself. he’d throw his life away for them. he knew there was a possibility of him ceasing to exist if they reset the timeline again. he literally said it in such a nonchalant way that it makes me wonder how much his friends really mean to him. which in retrospect, is a lot. now pls keep this in mind for the next part.

now, dave also has so much appreciation towards himself. but not in the cocky way, of course. rather in the way that shows self love?? kinda?? like he genuinely wanted to hang with davesprite, brainstorm his comic and vice versa bc they both think their alt version is that cool. i know it should sound kinda narcissistic, but listen. a lot of people dont often appreciate themselves for who they are. and what i really want to emphasize on that here, is that this comes back to the whole putting himself before others thing. because that specific line i mentioned before is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. since dave thinks so highly of himself as a cool guy, rad dude, arent we so awesome type kid that he LITERALLY didnt care for his life in that one hot second. he made sure he was a pawn used to help out his friends rather than an actual human being who should worry about his life as well. he didnt care if he survived or not in the process of making sure everything was going alright. which is such a fucking leap from this whole self-respecting thing. its as if that didnt matter anymore. and that takes a fucking beating. that shows how much dave truly loves his friends. do you know how fucking BIG THAT WHOLE DEAL IS?

take john for example. dave didnt give two shits who the person on the other line was. he found out GC was the troll who killed john and basically threatened her with every inch of his life to make her back away from him. he knew what it would cause and said “fuck you” in bright and bold. all because he didnt want to see his friend die again. which? fair enough. and if we look back at the last session, god that could mess someone up. especially someone as young as 13. rose even got the worst end of the stick bc she flat out ceased to exist. but then again, thats in the same boat as jade/john. bc they all technically died. yet davesprite didnt. he remembers it. davesprite isnt just going to forget. he’s going to have surviver’s guilt for a long time, because being dave’s guide will forever be a reminder that he’s the version in the doomed timeline. he’s the only one who knows what happened, and he wont become the “true dave” in a sense that he’s now just considered “davesprite” and nothing more, since he cant just be dave since his timeline ended up fucked. not to mention he technically said he was fine with it, bc since it meant the others survived, he wouldnt care what happened to his life. even tho he should and it still probably hurts him idk. and that kills me a little. actually, more than a little. this is personally the most gut wrenching scene in homestuck (but i may just be speculating too much). but that wont stop him from helping dave and giving him all the answer, and also protecting john with everything he has.

and, man, i feel as if he’s gonna be such a good guide for dave. he already gave him the loot, the rundown and is very open about questions dave already has because he knows how tough it probably is to have a shitty guide. considering he was stuck with calsprite for 4 months. so obviously he’s going to help as much as possible. since he probably had little to none and didnt learn as much as he should have through the course of sburb. but now, as a guide, he can easily access all the info he lost during the pathway of his timeline. and share it with dave so he doesn’t struggle and actually completes the game rather than end up in a doomed timeline like himself.

but yes. dave’s blatant adoration for john basically saved them both in a way. and it seems as if its a little mutual considering john told dave he’d always believe him no matter what in the end. how he reconsidered everything, remembered the note and realized how good their friendship is to just give it up like that. and then vice versa. dave couldnt continue on the game without him or jade, so he went back in time. and showed his pissed-off protective side in order to save john again. which warms my heart bc they both mean so much to each other. and both got each other super sentimental gifts and wrote each other such touching cards.

and thats a good way to end the session, i think.

so there we have it. ive never wanted to hug a character so bad than i do with davesprite. i just hope everyone at least acknowledges him in some way, and gives him some amount of respect for what he did for everybody. ive only met him for like 10 pages, but i think he’s the most emotional character so far. and i guess since he’s dave himself, and i feel for dave based on his situation with bro, its safe to say i would protect him with my life. which i dont want to be *that* person but hey, its true. its just that he’s been through so much bullshit, and davesprite is the only survivor of his timeline, always will be reminded of it whenever he sees dave/john/rose/jade playing the game, is now a fucking sprite who wont be able to live his own path but just be a guide and god, i feel for him. i really do.

i shouldnt have written such a long note about davesprite.. but his whole story as to how he became a thing really got to me, alright?

i should write a tldr, cool. here yall go; i actually love davesprite, he’s been through some shit and he deserves hells of respect. GC is forgiven and we’ll find out next time how both version of rose.. fused together? 

[boybandsim]

leafeana replied to your post: 

WAIT i was just scrolling through your blog cause im hungry for content and saw this again and realized you asked what version i was playing? which i dont remember answering whoops

im playing it on pc! which is great bc then i get to mess around with mods (like the one that gives cindy some real clothing lol) but its also got its downsides since my computer is definitely not a gaming computer, which means graphics take a serious hit and lagging isnt uncommon

im...not sure if its royal edition?? I think windows edition has all the features of royal edition, although im not completely sure. I think luna has a cutscene in Insomnia thats only in royal edition, so once im there ill be able to tell. technically im in Insomnia now but ive time traveled back and it might be a while before i push on to the finale. after dealing with Altissia --> the start of Insomnia linearly i wanted some time to chill with the bros and pretend

everything is fine for a while. it has been a WILD ride for sure and yeah I haven't even started up any of the dlc yet! theres so much content!! ive been practicing playing as the other bros during medium-hard combat which has kept it feeling really fresh too. also its hilarious just blasting bad guys with a bazooka while the other people are in there swinging around swords and knives. and i haven't done any of the crossover quests yet, which seem big and exciting!

ill be forever sad that i missed the assassins festival but theres definitely plenty to do that I'm excited for. and im getting really into the fishing!! charmed is definitely the right word like..its not perfect at all but this game is so genuinely endearing with its characters personalites and development and its themes and music as well and it really does some things SO well.

god okay this is a lot of words. sorry for rambling and for the late reply! no one i know plays this game or has much interest in it so youre getting all my bottled up enthusiasm

PLEASE DO NOT EVER APOLOGISE FOR RAMBLING SEND ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE WORDS AND THOUGHTS AND TALKING ABOUT FFXV DUDE <3333 also literally no worries about late replies or replying at all im forever shit at them myself i get it bro nw nw nw

hell yeah pc is royal edition with a bunch of other shit and the dlcs (bar ardyn) incorporated, dont worry, also i would die for that one cindy in a decent outfit mod i know the exact one youre on about LOL (also i can recommend you some other mods if u like!!)

if i can share some knowledge with you right quick cuz i had the same problem and wouldve died to have someone tell me i went from barely 20fps on a good day to being able to run multiple programs with ffxv in the background; specialk is a very quick install and majorly helped with multithreading; otherwise for the in game options are using low resolution texture pack (assets option); shadows look near visually identical on the lowest option compared to the highest; all nvidia effects can be turned off with no significant graphic change; turning off anti aliasing entirely genuinely makes the game look better for me; i can post my full settings if itll help you and ive also read through a few tutorials for modding around lag so i can try and help you with that, i do get pretty major lag spikes though and frequently find it near impossible to stream/record, but i manage to nail that 60fps on average if im solely running ffxv with a few cut corners like those

also dont blame you with altissia, ngl i boiled through the story rollercoaster right quick after exploring most of the open world before even touching altissia and ended up ignoring all postgame content for starting a new save immediately and replaying just to get that hangout time in the open world that wasnt just go-back-in-time-through-magic-dog. but i feel you so hard dude i just want more of them chilling. literally i have 300 hours in this game already and i know half of those have been using the car listening to tunes LMFAO

yeah the crossover quests are funnn the one with terra wars is sweet and the ffxiv one is SO funny its literally hysterical i was roaring with laughter a couple times!!! and good on you practising i didnt touch any of the extended combat until my third save and yeah honestly if you want to do the postgame menaces those skillsll come in useful, its funny because the maingame bosses arent that hard but the postgame is mental. but yeah i love blowing shit up with proms bazooka it fucking rules nerds can keep their swords

ALSO SAME... i wanna play the promptis date so bad!! i wanna play episode duscae so bad!!! wanna play the platinum demo with baby noctis so bad!! knowing theyll never be ported kills meeeeee. sad & upset but as you say theres so much to do and the dlc honestly offer so much im still finding shit i havent done and ive spent a year playing already

honestly so much of this game for me is literally just booting it to go hang with the guys its really relaxing lmfaooo... hiking around with these goofy dudes. sometimes i just wanna chill with the anime boys. YEAH literally its sweet and charming and then fucking heartbreaking and even though the writing is hammy as hell im honestly so willing to forgive it. not only for the clear amount of care and love that went into specifically building the guys relationship (which anyone knows is the best and most realised part of the game) but the details and amount of lore you can uncover if you take a step and interpret a little. maybe thats too generous a statement for what was an executive nightmare and critically underdeveloped but i grew up on ffxiii and knowing the versus 13 lore and that ffxv was part of that extended canon im satisfied with it being another side to that story and running with that. i think supplemented with its additional content years after release ffxv isnt a complete experience but enough of one to leave an impact or at least it did majorly for me! ive been obsessed.

OMG sorry im nerding too its all good lol just genuinely i love this game and its hard to find people talking about it these days but i really had such a good time and still am continuing to and i love it fuck it ball hard

real shit though it has the best fishing minigame of all time hands down nothing has come close fuck the haters

[rqs902]

on one hand im happy that this means there’s gonna be a lot of official content since the eps are supposedly so long that they gotta cut them in half. 

youku has been pretty consistent with giving us a relatively good amount of official content. but on the other hand im always slightly concerned that by splitting up perfs, those whose perfs get aired first will have a competitive voting advantage since (as long as they do well) those kids will have a full extra day of persuading people to vote for them through their stage performance. It’s not as huge of a deal as when other shows split performances across weeks, because a whole week ahead is a much bigger advantage than one day ahead. but every day can help those who need the votes. at least akey and zhan yu got aired today.... feels bad for jin fan because he really needs the votes. 

also another down side is just this show’s eps are SO LONG they’re eating up a ton of my free time LOOOL but thats how these shows always go for me... because I always end up taking like double the amount of time to watch an ep, just to pause, digest, rewatch sections that i like (sometimes multiple times), make sure i understand, etc. i feel like these shows always consume my life during the few months they’re airing so i’ll just enjoy it while I can HAH

..

anyway ep 4 starting with singapore buddies huang junrong and sun yinghao speaking english with their singapore accents!!!!! lol can totally relate to yinghao tho, like when you cant read chinese you gotta find someone to translate for you

yang chaowen with dog!!!!! i wonder if the dog really likes him LOL they seem to appear together on camera often. akey with chen junhao!! and zuo linjie!! making friends!!!

lol i feel like the group leader choice method is some sort of extended advertisement for knock off apple products lol.........

HAHAHHAHAHAH LIN MO’S VIDEO STARTING OFF ALL FORMAL AND NERVOUS AND THEN XUE EN’S CUTS HIM WITH HIM BEING STUPID. I LOVE IT. there’s two types of people. how did they not vote for xue en HAHAHAH

interesting that they picked the songs for the self-composition group ahead of time, rather than make them make the song as part of the competition (looks at produce camp... fireman is my jam but the east binhe road team ran into complications with that, so I can see why it’d be more risky to let them do that again) but lucky for zheng renyu and li chenxu tho! I’m interested in hearing their music so i dont mind, just kinda wondering what the other kids who picked composition would’ve brought to the table

oh theyre still giving yan an screen time... every time i see him im happy but then feel oof

oo zhanyu’s first stage look is just so nice oof xikan talking to lin mo but lin mo looks ded and is all eye patched up :( 

LOL su er all jubilant over a sexy concept song - good luck with that

oooof this shot of jin fan’s perfect side angle 

aw akey being bested by shaopeng at every match... but im so excited to see what they can do together, theyre both so good at making music!!!! the resident music makers for each of their respective groups, tyger and coreone, theyre both so talented! def shaopeng has and deserves the credit but hopefully people will see akey contributed too bc im sure the two of them really led together, being the most experienced rappers hahaha

WHOA csp opening up to qu boyu and saying he has older step brother and sister who have a different mom from him and encouraging him to just be real when writing because there will be people out there who connect with his lyrics awww hes really taking this child under is wing and teaching him from zero, hes really like a big bro taking care of him and enjoying watching him grow. im glad csp is opening up and is self reflective enough to realize that he hasnt done so enough in the past and that he should involve himself more with the others. 

im happy cui shaopeng got to feature in the bts clip for his group, he deserves it and hasnt gotten much screentime relative to his talent before. im happy akey got a little time and some recognition for his skills too. honestly just happy akey FINALLY got to do a rap stage..... wish we couldve gotten more huang enyu and huang junrong but im happy they got to show off their vocals!! for being young vocals in a rap performance, their stage presence were both really good too! csp’s entrance is epic wow. 

wow this is the most hyper performance ive ever seeeen wow im so happy for akey because we know how long hes been waiting for a rap stage and wow csp’s leadership must be top notch to get this group to somehow be cohesive with such a not cohesive song LOL i respect that csp really respected akey’s skill and let him shine too. akey was a second c if ive ever seen one lol. they both got to shine and so did everyone else in their group, which is telling of his leadership and why this stage turned out so well that even all the teachers like jackson were so hype LOL 

OOF shen bohuai and lin mo talking about how akey’s lyrics are so moving like lin mo wanted to cry and bohuai felt like he could tell akey’s been through a lot

lol xikan and bohuai being all tough and lin mo being like lol i feel the pressure. shaopeng smiling like a proud parent when boyu gets good comments c: oof rip akey and shaopeng’s votes tho :c 

lin ran’s look tho LOL but zhan yu’s is so questionable?? why is he in this group ?? LOL but i guess its his turn to do something cutesy. mannnn why does zhan yu look like hes surrounded by children but hes not even that much older//?? hahahha ooooo is this the center zhan yu of legend?? ?hahahah yayyy hopefully more people will notice him! you know when i heard zhan yu was gonna be center, this was not the type of song i was imagining, but hey if it takes a cutesy happy song and a bunch of little kids around to get zhan yu a chance to be center, ill take it! i wish they’d show us some practice footage?? im confused why there isnt any?? i think sun boran’s stage presence is good! zhan yu’s voice so powerful yess somehow he managed to show off different aspects of his vocal skills in this very plain song LOL  im surprised lin ran didnt stand out a lot but when they pointed out that he purposefully put himself in the back to protect his team members i think that makes sense bc he knows being cute isn’t going to be able to win them as many votes but if the less popular kids in his group dont get votes, its a lot more devastating for them than for himself. lin ran didnt want this song and he didnt want to be cute but he really didnt want kids to suffer from choosing his group. lin ran has a cute image but i appreciate that this time we got to see a more serious side of him. isnt it ridiculous that theyve literally trashed zuo qibo and lin mo about being old but then literally i didnt realize until now sun yinghao is the oldest??? (he looks really young wow and so tiny aw) but also like they never bring up akey being old either?? some sort of weird bias going on... but i mean good for yinghao and akey lol 

but aw im glad theyre giving yinghao some attention... 10 years and starting off with jackson? oof... 

ayy zhan yu getting the most votes!! 

kou cong being older bro to zlj but also ultimate mentor to cxh aw yay for him getting some recognition from the judges and jin fan supporting him too heheh but it says a lot that he recognizes cxh’s efforts and wanted to put in his own effort to help him

i wonder if them giving zlj less audience votes is an elaborate scheme to get him more pity votes from the general public lol.... well im excited to see the rest of the stages tomorrow! 

[grigio-bone]

personal lupat thoughts

under the cut

i think that one of the reasons that people are getting frustrated with it isnt necessarily that the story is bad, its that the setup and outcomes of the show have this kind of... slight disconnect? or rather, not a disconnect- its as if the show itself can’t figure out if its going to be lighthearted or serious til the end, when its too late to give a satisfying conclusion either way.

its absolutely fine if lupat is a show with light plot. shows like that have been some of my favorites. but i feel as if frustration is inevitable and understandable when the show keeps hinting that things are happening and either never follows up or follows up far too late to allow for a nuanced exploration. for example, noel not being human was hinted at as early as ep 28, when tsukasa wonders why noel wouldn’t use the vs vehicle that he he made himself, and seemed intent on making the other rangers use it. but by the time the big reveal rolls around, who remembers this? mysteries are fine, but if theyre dragged out for so long that viewers have started to forget there was a mystery in the first place that... kinda makes me sad. if lupats going to be a show with a light plot!!! thats perfectly fine, just make sure to resolve the plot points at the core of your story and stop teasing things that wont get resolved for like more than a dozen episodes?

on that note, theres also this... hm. the worldbuilding in lupat is incredibly weak. theres very little sense that this is an actual world that has people living in it and ive got a zillion questions about everything. why is france hq in france?? what about the lupin collection black market trade that canonically exists? whats public opinion like on literally every aspect of the conflict thats happening? actually i could seriously go on for like hours about this so ill cut it short: basically, i think  that the fact that there are hardly any reoccurring or tertiary cast members and the fact that hilltop + jim carter + kogure are vastly underutilized puts all of the focus on the rangers themselves, which is nice but also leaves them stranded in a world not quite real

one last thing. i think that lupat tends to take the cheap way out of things. not in terms of effects or whatever, just that it seems intent on distracting viewers from the fact that it didn’t offer us a solidly emotional conclusion to some arcs? ok this is gonna be controversial so im going to add another disclaimer here that i did think that it was cool that the lupins loved ones became thieves in turn to rescue them, etc, it was a really sweet reunion, they look fantastic in those outfits, i did cry a little bit. however. lets take the finale piece by piece

1) patoranger side. their big speech in the final episode was about how they had to protect the world from a bloodthirsty monster like dogranio, because he made people suffer (people that the patos had failed to protect). ultimately, at the end keiichiro is offered a choice: he can kill dogranio at the cost of knowing that he would be killing 3 people that he knows and loves. we dont get to see what happened to dogranio right away, but the show lets us think for like 5 min that keiichiro too the shot. which... why? almost everything we’ve seen of keiichiro up to this point indicates that he would never do something like that, and if he would consider putting anyone in danger in order to do better, then tsukasa will punch him because that means hes seriously lost sight of things. its not as if hes been struggling more with the notion that he might not be able to save everyone as the series goes on- which isnt a downside at all, lupats characters are its strongest point and keiichiros solid lawful goodness is a core part of his character- but ultimately, we’re left at a point where there is no way that keiichiro would shoot dogranio and kill the lupins. there was never a chance. and with this being the case, the patos last big hurrah is ultimately a failure: they cant get the lupins out, but they also cant get rid of the threat of dogranio for good.

2) lets talk about the loved ones becoming thieves. honestly. i loved it. but its not as strong a reunion as it could have been. the problem with the lupins loved ones becoming thieves is that it raises like a hundred questions in the last 10 min of a show, and we don’t have a good understanding of what the loved ones are like as people without the lens of the lupins’ perspectives to look through. and again, all the meaty episodes with reminiscences about the loved ones were in the first half of the series? i dont feel that the lupin magnum ep bc that vibes more like a i am the shadow the true self type deal, but it does show that the lupins are bringing their loved ones back for at least partially selfish reasons: its not about what they would have thought about it, its about what the lupins want. but with this in mind... we don’t know enough about the loved ones to know many of the nuances of what theyre like, either as people or as thieves? were they worried? angry? would they blame the patos for failing to rescue the thieves? (also theres this whole thing about how if theyre acting as phantom thieves then the gspo should know about them but theres no time to get into that, i suppose) im not saying it was bad! outfits were super cute and kairi and his bros reunion was super touching but im sitting here in complete conviction that their appearance as thieves ultimately raises more questions than it does answers, and this close to the ending (like 10 min!!!!!), hinders a satisfying conclusion

(TBC LATER)

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender. 

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea. 

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that’s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice. 

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw,  and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao).  like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior 

[melodicminho]

friends to lovers ❁ hoshi

anon asked: Hello! I really liked your friends-to-lovers Junhui AU, so would it be okay to request a friends-to-lovers Hoshi AU? Thank you! :)

aw thank u, im glad you liked jun’s version! i’ll do my best to make this one just as good!

you both were put in dancing classes when you were young

that’s basically how you two met

the dance moms were mingling with each other as u all had ur class

but i guess soonyoung’s mom and urs just CLICKED

they became best friends which meant u both had to be too

IT’S A RULE

you both got along with each other well so it wasn’t a forced friendship

soonyoung was a very fidgety boy and dancing was something that helped when he was feeling restless

whenever he came to ur house or u went to his you would always see him dancing

like if he was walking down the path to ur house u just see him moonwalking to the door or he’s doing something crazy like KRUMPING

like is this kid okay lol

you’d have to try and stop him from dancing so much cause ur scared he’ll hurt himself by DANCING SO MUCH

looked exxxxtra cute with braces on

he was a bit embarrassed by it, but i mean .. who isn’t u know

“it’s okay hoshi i still think ur cute.”

“oh thank u pft” (*≧∀≦*)

soonyoung hated school

he hated waking up so early to get ready for something he thought was useless

but he still pulled through with those good grades

HE WASN’T ALLOWED TO DATE IN HIGH SCHOOL

so he always pined after girls who he wasn’t able 2 get with

this boy can speak lANGUAGE AFTER LANGUAGE AFTER LANGUAGE

ok maybe just japanese, chinese, and korean

he also wasn’t a very loud person, but whenever u saw him he was blasting his music so in a sense he was p loud

he became more of a rat during ur 2nd to last year of high school

nEVER BACKED U UP FOR GROUP DISCUSSIONS

let u get in trouble w the teacher when it was hIS FAULT

but he is super duper good at taekwondo and whenever a boy or creepy dude went up to u he would ‘HYA’ them in the face

get rekt

also wanted to fight everyone in ur class, he hated all of them

probably would’ve fought ur teacher too if the chance of getting expelled was 0

SUEPR BIG SHINEE FAN

hoshi: JULIETTE YEONGHONEUL BACHILKKEYO

hoshi: dude sing it with me

hoshi: JULIETTE JEBAL NAL BADA JWOYO

hoshi: oh u don’t know that song?

hoshi: ok well how abou--  JAJAEONG MAK JINAN SAEBYEOK YO sing it with me--

u: JINHEULG SOK NUN TTEUN MUEONGA

when u sang the next lyrics he was like

omg (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

OK but that’s when he knew he fell in love with u

he knew he wasn’t allowed to date until he graduated but </3 he finally realized that u were the one 4 him

perfect, cute, fun

u were hi s ideal type

bc u smelled nice (and he secretly knew that u liked him too)

it was a breath of fresh air once you both graduated high school

bc school’s over

and ,, maybe he could even ask u out soon . omgg soonyoung get urself together (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))

ok but when i mean ask u out soon i MEAN RLLY SOON

dude he asked u out three days after graduation lol

“um .. would u pl s go out with me pls”

at first u were like ?? r u bullshitting soonyoung it isnt funny bro

｡(*^▽^*)ゞ “i don’t think i was joking?? idk pft”

i mean of course you said yes to him what a goofball

his mom was very proud

gave him a thumbs up when he told her the news

“son u picked the right one. i was hoping u would fall for them”

“oh thank u mom”

is a loving boyfriend. he loves u so much

rlly likes apples so he feeds u apple slices from time to time

an apple a day keeps the doctor away

still dances A LOT

can rlly krump

but also slow dances with you sometimes when he feels like he should give u some extra love

he’s super cuddly with u aw ):

sometimes wants to fight u cause ur cute

his heart goes BOOM BOOM BOOM BOBOBMOBOOM whenever he sees u

which is like always

“STOP”

“what”

“my heart ,... it can’t take ur . ,,, perfectness .......”

has dance battles with u

and helps u with taekwondo so that u can defend urself when he’s not around

is proud of u even though u just kicked him in the face

“thank u jagiya that was refreshing”

“sweetheart ur on the floor are u sure u don’t need ice”

“babe ur heart is cold as fuck i don’t need ice”

“wtf”

minghao encourages u to fight ur boyfriend whenever he does him wrong

again, his heart goes DOKI DOKI ODKIDOKDOIDDOKI whenever u do something he finds cute or attractive

“omg babe feel my heart it’s beating so fast”

“literally all i did was sit on the couch are u sure u don’t need to go to the hospital”

“fine if ur not gonna feel my heartbeat ill do it myself”

“ok babe”

(੭ ˃̣̣̥ ㅂ˂̣̣̥)੭ु “WHATEVER I DONT NEED U”

he loves u

so MUCH

gets u to sing shinee songs with him every now and then so that he can fall in love with you evenmore

LOVES SINGING LOVE SICK AND PUNCH DRUNK LOVE WITH YOU

u both cry a little whenever u watch that one performance of 낯선자  stranger

this one

“what a blessing. key looks so good here, jagi”

“oh my god they’re so good at dancing”

“my sins have been washed away jus t by watching this”

SNUGGLES U SO MUCH

ur friends and his hate it whenever ur both stuck to each other’s sides

“ur just jealous. bac k OFF”

cries when u cry

vows to never make u cry

unless it’s a good thing like maybe giving you smth you’ve always wanted ( ... shinee concert tickets maybe ) or proposing to u

which CALM DOWN soonyoung you’ve only been dating for a year give it a little more time

ive been rambling for too long im sry

soonyoung would be such a sweet and innocent boyfriend honestly he would never let go of u ur the most precious thing to him

[seoschangbin]

i hope you had a safe flight rachel!!! n that you're enjoying your vacation so far🥰💞i'm glad the peergrade went better than expected!!! now you're freeeee💞💕n excuse me but you're sweeter AND cuter🥺🤲🏼hehe agreed!!! 2020 better be our years or else!!!! 😤my semester is called spring (which idg bc we start in the winter???) but yes!!! hopefully they go well😚💕wishing you the best for grad school n the whole process!!!💕uni just isn't really for me!!!🙇🏻‍♀️but ill try 2 get involved!!-🎁💫

it was a v safe flight there but the way back.. going to that minus degree weather 😭 and yes im FREE omg i forgot abt the peergrade for a hot sec cant even imagine if i still had to do it after vacation 😔 n no.. jem for cutest sweetest human 😩 i hope u can find smth that makes uni a bit better for u!! 🙇‍♀️

and now felix's selfies.... OKAY😐he really said hey stay pay attention to ME😭😭i can hear his scalp crying out but he does look handsome😚the future... what if that future is the 26th... what are these dudes doing rachel... a MIXTAPE???😭skz don't know how to rest huh😤when i was young i started with general dance and ballet! i can barely remember most of it anymore but at least i got sir lee as my freestyle dance teacher😎i cant wait to learn miroh and got7s lullaby!!! -🎁💫

me everytime im like: yea im over felix.. felix: i dont think some: ok sir.. ok ur right.. im not over u ....he looks so pretty lately im 😭 leave me alone bro... 😭 fuKCKN I cannot beliEVE we got a mixtape.. ok... i see how it is.. merry christmas to us thank u stray kids for feeding ur fatass well-fed fans... ooh ballet! is there a reason u wanted to pick it up again? :o nd oh lullaby i do love that got7 choreo + miroh ofc 💕 

okay me😭i'm so slow with skz schedule and i told myself i'd be chill with skz so everything just comes as a surprise!!! but yes!!! i think they have two more fansigns left??? or one... i just know there's at least gonna be another!!! :0 and omg rachel bin fansites have been providing so much, the amount of cute binnie hqs i've seen these past few days i😭i did actually!!! ticketing was a MESS for LA!!! but i was able to get tix luckily, P3 but hey i won't complain😎-🎁💫

jgsdkg this is why u cant leave skz for a hot sec.. me bein back = assault w content dont even knOW where to start... whack.. ooh i gotta go look at sku to see the fantaken pics theyre always the cutest 😩 omg i cant changbin fansites be like: Die hes so cute 😭 send me some hqs.. really goin thru it today! and omg im glad u got tix at least enjoy them for me 😔🤙

i hope skz go to canada and you can go!!! did they go to canada for unveil??? :0 if so, did you go??? :0 hehe yes let it be your mission!!! its actually super tough for people to get me to stan other groups but i believe in you😌💞mx ray!!! i'll definitely add it to my list!!! hehe🙇🏻‍♀️changbins muscles are made of love😭💕💞💕💞changbin is a beefcake but the beefiest thing about him... his Heart🥺🤲🏼-🎁💫

they did NOT come to canada for unveil 😞 there’s onyl been a couple of groups that i rmbr that have been to canada rip! omg... im on a mission jem... i have a long list of groups 😖 but mxray is honestly just so funny u dont even need to like mx to enjoy it theyre just ridiculous 😭 mjskgj VIBE his beefest heart muscles.. 🤧

LITERALLY... 😭i dont like aegyo or overly cutesy things and i first interpreted as changbin as just the cute bestie type but he got to me out of nowhere... like wow hand in marriage sir... you can do all the aegyo you want😔🤲🏼yes!!! my ultimate favorite (farming) game is harvest moon animal parade! as for favorite game hmmm i'll just say my current fave which is fire emblem three houses! def recommend!!! and yes animal crossing is the best! its so calming and cute😌💞-🎁💫

me watching aegyo: die. me watching changbin doign aegyo: ok maybe .... ur cute.... oooh ive heard rly great things abt fire emblem from my gamer friends 😌 im gonna add it to my list when i have some more time 😊

will be hoping those uv rays go a bit easier on you😣😤no worries rachel!!! i don't mind at all hehe, take your time n just enjoy your vacation😚💞and PLEASE i adore you too!!! rachel sweetest being💕💞💕💞💕💞and um excuse me take that back you aren't boring!!!😭today is christmas eve n its almost christmas!!! not 100% sure if you celebrate those but nonetheless!!! happy holidays💞💕hope they treat you well😌💞-🎁💫

i didnt get that much sun sadly but it was nice thank u uv rays for not burning me to a crisp 😌 i adore u as ive said 500 times.... thank u for the gifset as well i was so 😭😭 when i saw it!!! and sorry to be so late but i hope u had a lovely christmas as well if u celebrate 💕💕

[chickenfetus]

HI!!! i like to request ALL of the flowery asks! btw i LOVE ur blog and maybe u????? idk 🌸🌸 (jk i love u alot)

who is this????????/ under cut bc i get rambly 

azalea: what’s one word that describes you?

lame lmao

baby’s breath: what did you want to be when you were a kid?

honestly? my answer’s like yours jen because i wanted to be an astronaut but also a vet and then a few years later i wanted to be something else of a whole different profession but now i know what reality is like and i have no clue what i wanna be whoops

begonia: are you a messy or clean person?

i hate seeing my desk/workspace be messy but i cant bring myself to clean it up either???? bc im lazy 

bleeding heart: has your heart ever been broken?

hMMMMm mmm idk i dont think so

bluebell: do you drink tea or coffee?

i drink tea more than i drink coffee but i drink water more than i drink tea i drink water like. everyday lmao obviously but i drink a lot of water its my brand now

buttercup: what are five things that make you apologetically happy?

what does this mean why is the word apologetically there i cancelled it lmao no negativity in this house

my favorite people (u know who + my friends)

when people answer my anon asks and . they respond with a long reply/seem really happy responding thats my fav fam

this is getting real anime but when i get an UR/4* from scouting 

finding an anime/manga/book that perfectly suits my taste

im very tempted to just say water bc idk what else 2 say 

calla: what’s your favorite book?

ive only read 3 whole books this year but i recommend all of them 

challenger deep - neal shusterman (i could go on about this book for days honestly its so interesting and even though its told by the same person it has two kind of perspectives because there are two settings, that didnt make sense but this book is my new favorite)

see you in the cosmos - jack cheng (i love this one too because its just so warm? made me a little emo but its really good and i love how unique it is, text type wise)

a monster calls - patrick ness (this was something i heard from my school first so i didnt know if i really wanted to get it but its actually pretty good?) 

carnation: what are your five most played songs?

i cant really check using the music app bc i added the songs at different timings so itll be inaccurate ill just do most played song from each band/group

again - astro (this is their best song dont @ me)

letting go - day6

all in/stuck - monsta x

death by a strawberry - dance gavin dance

check yes juliet - we the kings

chrysanthemum: what are you afraid of?

i may not b a child but im still afraid of the dark bc my imagination is wild im also afraid of bugs and disappointing others nice oh shit im also afraid of asking for things

daffodil: what’s your astrological sign?

capricorn 

dahlia: what’s your favorite band?

this question was made for me its day6

daisy: which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most?

ive never watched friends 

dandelion: are you an extrovert or an introvert?

in between!!!!!

geranium: how has your day been?

its been good!!! i managed to ask my mum 2 take me to hair place so i can get it cut finally and im working on updating my tumblr pages and doing all my tags

hydrangea: what’s your dream job?

pass

iris: who’s your celebrity crush?

pass

lavender: what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received?

oH FUCK FAM my friends got me a kermit toy for my birthday i lvoe it 2 dEATH

lily: what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of?

i got first in my class once wow amazing that was 2 years ago i wish i was as good as the me from 2 years ago 

marigold: what would you like to do more of, but don’t ?

well i want 2 b more hardworking but guess thats too late

morning glory: are you an early bird or a night owl?

now that school is over and i have no reason to wake up early ive become neither which is saddening because... i like waking up at 7am on weekends and doing things early but now i wake up at like 9-10am and i still sleep at 11pm  

orchid: what’s the last movie you saw?

i really dont remember?? maybe uh guardians of the galaxy?? i dont remember who i watched it with and when but it was good actually i remember who i watched it with nvm 

pansy: do you believe in love at first sight?

i dont really believe in romantic love anymore 

peony: what does your url mean?

chicken fetus means an egg

periwinkle: what are you thankful for?

god get ready folks im gonna go on my biggest boxy rant ever...

so boxy is my friend who ive been mutuals for over a year and our first common interest is love live and haikyuu so we had that to talk about but im bad at keeping conversations with ppl on tumblr so that ended quickly but earlier this year or late last year i made a twitter and told people on here about it and she followed me and i didnt really mind/pay attention to the stuff she posted/rted uNTIL. until that fateful day... june 25th... at like 8pm? she rted a pic of mister brian kang with dumb minion glasses on and ok maybe i do believe in love at first sight? bc wow!!!!! whos this dumbass with minion glasses and the fluffiest hair ??? so i slide into boxy’s dm.. expecting an explanation and she gives me a good one saying how brians from a band (i would later find out), day6 and im not a fan of kpop, never have been.. ive only watched like some kpop mvs bc i love my friends so i expect myself to listen to them and get over them as soon as im done. boxy my friend, bless HER she sends me all of their mvs from congratulations to i smile and i watch the first one - i smile and me? i start smiling and i can feel myself getting excited because holy fuck theyre a band! they play fucking instruments??? and at this point im already whipped then i move onto how can i say and that shit blew my mind let me tell you.. so because of boxy... i get to where i am now, proudly stanning 3 groups and if it were not for her i wouldve never gotten into mx as well... boxy is just?? really important to me her impact is just that great?? so im super!! sUPER thankful for her and i dont think she’ll ever see this but boxy i love u thank u so much!! boxy gave me more than one reason to live, and not just exist?? without her i wouldve never been able to make so many (like 2 but hEY) new friends and this probably got so long idk im just really thankful for boxy thank u lord for blessing us with boxy (@/youngkwhom on twitter) (kittenma on tumblr) i hope shes happy forever and i also hope she has good days for the rest of her life?? boxy deserves it i lvoe u boxy

petunia: where were you ten years ago?

10 years ago i was like 6 probably watching pokemon or some shit and getting glasses

poinsettia: where would you like to be in ten years?

dead thanks

poppy: what’s your online persona?

i dont understad the meaning of persona but an egg?????? 

rose: who’s the last person you spent quality time with?

all my classmates in an exam hall for 2 hours, quality time indeed

snapdragon: what are your goals?

pass

sunflower: what’s your favorite quote?

i think i had one before but i forgot so maybe it wasnt my favourite lol idk i dont have one now

tulip: if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

for all of my favourite people to be happy forever

a good future

i want astro, mx and day6 to get an award for all of their hardwork thanks

violet: what’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

i was gonna say smth negative but lets not hm m m i? ?? ill put smth irl ppl probably dont know either uh hhh i guess?? that i eat a lot?? but also get full really quickly but then really hungry right after that idk thanks digestion

zinnia: do you believe in magic?

no ????/ idk is there any evidence that magic exists 

JEN !!! thank u so much for asking even tho u probably asked just to get back at me but this was still fun ask memes will never get boring bro,. i love u and i hope u have a good evening also i love ur blog too moon anon probably already told u

to anyone who actually bothered reading through this mess - thank you and i hope you have a good day/night too!!

[the-waifu-smackdown]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104.

smartass cough i mean yeah lets get started on this

1- You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

I’d ask them how one of us managed to teleport over 1000 miles and why im naked.

2- What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? 

uuhhhh we broke up and we haven’t talked in months.

3- If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? 

yeah kinda

4- Is your last name longer than six letters? 

yes

5- Was your last kiss drunk or sober? 

all of them have been sober

6- Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? 

yeah. put simply i made too many strong advances

7- What does your last received text say?

putting aside memes its “it me”

8- How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? 

fuck i cant remember that

9- Where was your last kiss at? 

probably my room

10- When is the last time you saw your sister? 

idk its probably been over 7 months

11- What do you drink in the morning? 

milk. or water. usually water than milk then water again.

12- Where did you sleep last night? 

my room

13- Do you think relationships are hard? 

depending on the relationship, yeah. i mean if you feel that a relationship is hard then its not a good relationship.

14- If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? 

as much as i would want to say otherwise, no.

15- You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? 

it would be extremely awkward

16- Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? 

rainy

17- Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? 

i know people who have my middle name as their first name

18- Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? 

pajama pants but that’s going to change in about an hour

19- Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? 

if things go as planned then no

20- Does anyone like you? 

yes

21- Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? 

my ex’s name started with an s

22- Is the last person you kissed gay? 

i think they were bi?

23- Is there a person you CANNOT stand? 

yeah the person who kicked me out of my last home

24- Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? 

many times

25- In the past week have you cried? 

i cant remember the last time i cried.

26- What breed was the last dog you saw? 

mutt

27- Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? 

outside of the shower. i ain’t wanting to get my towel any more wet than its getting

28- Have you ever kissed a football player? 

no

29- Do you think you’re old? 

no

30. Do you like text messaging? 

yeah

31- What type of day are you having? 

too early to tell

32- Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? 

maybe once

33- Do you prefer warm or cold weather? 

i prefer cooler weather bc jackets. but not cold because snow is horrible to drive in.

34- Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? 

yes

35- Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? 

a relationship

36- Are you a simple or complicated person? 

i like to think myself on the simple side but then again all people are complicated

37- What song are you listening to? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IK6eLTNV1k

38- When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? 

i try to

39- Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

she knows a lot about me and i know a considerable amount of her

40-What made you start liking the person you like now? 

shit that’s a whole can of worms. i guess its when she convinced me to start taking philosophy classes and fencing and i got to start spending a lot of time with her her slowly learning about her and her good sides and her bad sides and at some point i fell for her.

41- When did you last receive a text message?

at 4:30 am while i was asleep

42- What is wrong with you right now? 

shit bro i aint even about to touch that. too much to talk about

43- How well do you know the last female you texted?

if we are talking about the group text then ive been friends with both of them for over 6 years now. shit its been 6 years? if we are talking about individual conversations then i would like to say that i know them pretty well.

44- Does anyone disgust you?

remember the person who kicked me out of my last home? yeah.

45- Would you date someone right now if they asked? 

it depends on a lot of things; if i didn’t  know who they were and they asked me out of the blue then i would probably refuse but if it was someonw who i knew a bit better then i would consider it.

46- Are you in a good mood right now?

i suppose

47- Who was the last person you talked to in person?

a friend of mine

48- What color shirt are you wearing? 

aqua ish?

49- Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

i wont say there has been anything that i haven’t wanted to hear. definitely things that have made me uncomfortable but not anything i would outright say that i wouldn’t want to hear

50- Anyone you’re giving up on? 

i give up on people on a daily basis you need to be more specific

51- Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? 

shit i cant let myself hate them

52- Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? 

yeah

53- Do you like rain? 

yes

54- Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? 

as long as its not excessive not really

55- Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? 

you mean right now?

56- Do you like to cuddle?

yeah

57- Are you shy? 

kinda? i know how to be sociable when i need to. learn how to do something sop that you don’t have to do it.

58- Do you get along with girls? 

most of my irl friends are girls

59- Have you dated the person you texted last? 

no

60- What do you carry with you at all times? 

phone, wallet, notepad

61- If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? 

i used to live in a building that was supposedly haunted. once you get on good terms with the ghosts its not that bad

62- Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

if its the right kind of relationship then yeah.

63- Think back to October, were you in a relationship? 

no

64- The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? 

i don’t think id be able to function of they kissed me on the forehead

65- Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? 

define cute. how are we using this?

66- How old are the last three people you kissed? 

excluding my mother we have about 21, 25, and 21

67- Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? 

do them myself

68- Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?   

zebra

69- Do you have any stickers on your car? 

yeah. because i bought the car from a family i was friends with it has a zombie family on it. if i can fins my triforce stick ill put that on there too

70- Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?     

who? who?

71- Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?     

android

72- When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? 

i dunno

73- Do you like diet soda?     

eh

74- What color are the walls in your room?    

beige

75- Are you 16 or older?     

im older

76- Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   

what?

77- Do you have a job? 

yeah i gotta get ready soon for that

78- What are your initials? 

NTS

79- Did you ever have braces?    

no

80- Are you from the south?     

no

81- What does your last status on Facebook say?    

i haven’t touched Facebook in ages

82- Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

yes

83- Are you closer to your mom or your dad? 

probably my mom but I’m really close to my dad too

84- Have you ever done cheer leading or gymnastics? 

does yoga count?

85- What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? 

probably guardians of the galaxy 2

86- Do you smoke? 

no

87- Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? 

probably heels unless they are stilettos on any type of high heel

88- Is your phone touch screen?   

yes

89- Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? 

my hair only slightly curls so straight

90- Have you ever snuck out of your house? 

i think so. its been about 4 years since i lived at home and if i have it would have only been once

91- Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?     

rivers are fun

92- Have you ever made out in a car?    

yeah

93- …Had sex in a car? 

…i dont think i have?

94- Are you single or in a relationship?     

single

95- What were you doing last night at midnight?   

reading this ask and deciding to go to bed and answer it in the morning

96- When’s the last time you saw fireworks?   

last night

97- Do you like the camera on your phone? 

its a decent camera

98- Have you ever had a friend with benefits? 

i guess my first relationship was actually fwb situation but honestly it was so messed up that i cant even remember

99- Have you ever passed out from drinking?     

no

100- Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

probably

101- Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

every time a girl wants me to do her raw

102- Name your favorite Kesha song:     

i think blow is my favorite

103- Do you have any tan lines right now?     

right above my butt and some subtle tan lines on my arms

104- Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?     

are you crazy?