#i lowkey was p sure i was prob gonna relapse today
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Positive(?): somehow avoided doing the inevitable
#thoughts#oni talks#oni vents#i lowkey was p sure i was prob gonna relapse today#but lowkey im just like way too exhausted right now#like i feel bad and i saw a lot of triggering stuff that lowkey made part of me want to#but rn im like way too hollow and tired and heavy to do so#I’m just gonna check some last minute things and then go tf to sleep coz bro im so fricken tired rn and just wanna dream in peace#also still didnt reply to dnd dude but ik i gotta at least tomorrow probably#both want them to send a more direct message like r u ok or something but also really really dont want that#also feel like i should have apologized from last time coz i was lowkey really rude and harsh#idk man im a mean and bad person idk what to tell ya#god that message gives me anxiety bc i literally have no idea what to do with it or how to respond#like bro i honestly dont know if ill be able to go bc ive been doing so bad and i honestly cant predict if i will be mentally capable#on the day of the game bc i thought i could handle today but i guess fricken not and then wednesday game is even harder too#idk man everything is stressful and im a bad person that sucks so thats not very fun#anyway im gonna go check some stuff and go to sleppies assuming i dont secretly get worse#still surprised i didnt relapse tbh#anyway goodnight yall wishing yall the best stay safe out there bros
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