#like both were amazing movies but I had some emotions left in my system after each which made encountering Donald just...hilarious

[loregoddess]

hey so should i queue up sora it's sephiroth every once in awhile to guarantee you life events

sdklfjsldk I was just thinking I need to queue it myself...

to be fair I don't watch movies too often, but it is weird that I saw sora it's sephiroth after watching The Tale of Princess Kaguya and now The Thing...

but as much as I want to get to my endless list of "I swear I'll watch this at some point" movies I don't actually, you don't need to queue it to try and make the stars align so I get to watch movies

[finelinevogue]

Just wanted to say 2 things:

1)Love the fic where he proposed over a cup of tea…so sweet💗

2) we all know how H has asthma sometimes so…could u write something w/the reader helping him with an attack idk or during an interview/concert/family gathering do as u pls

A nice day

XOXO

firstly, thank you so much that’s so sweet of you <33 and secondly, um yes i would love to give this a go at writing for you! hope you enjoy;

Harry couldn’t breathe.

He was in a panic, completely terrified of the uncontrollable situation. He was having an asthma attack concocted with a panic attack and it was brutal.

“Shit,” Jeff whispered as he watched Harry breathe heavily and loudly on the floor. His friend was currently on his hands and knees trying to gasp for air, whilst dressed in his notorious Fine Line outfit.

It was the big night. The one night only at The Forum for the release of his new album Fine Line, hence the costume. He had been nervous all day, with shaking hands and a tendency to forget simple things. You had been with him all day; having a slow brunch together out in the Hollywood Hills and then just chilling around for the afternoon. You didn’t want to anything to strain his voice, so talking hadn’t been an option. That left you either to sleeping and cuddling, whilst watching a movie, or sex. Now you were all for sex, but Harry complained that he liked talking to you during it and so that got shut down pretty quickly. You didn’t forget what he whispered to your ear though just before you cuddled into watching Bambi;

“Keep your moans for later, you’ll be fucking needing them for what I have planned.”

But that was over two hours ago now. Harry had been whisked away to start getting ready, what with hair and makeup first. You’d left him to it, telling him you would just lounge around and wait for him. It was when he was getting into costume had you announced you were just going to go down the street to get some coffee from Dunkin’ - seeing as there were few of them back in England, where you most commonly lived with Harry. The problem was you hadn’t come back yet, and it was an hour later.

“Harry mate, you need to calm down.” Kid Harpoon told him carefully, kneeling down next to his good friend. Nothing was working though and Harry was too breathless to ask anyone for his inhaler.

It had started by thinking about how nervous he actually was for tonight. It was such a huge show and one of a kind too. He was playing his new album and it wasn’t even 24 hours old yet. There was so much pressure weighing him down that he couldn’t breathe - he was suffocating in the anxiety of his own mind and he couldn’t escape at all. Then because he was in so much of a panic his asthma hit him and added another reason to his breathlessness. It was finally made worst when he realised you weren’t by his side to help him. You weren’t there to quickly eliminate the asthma and focus on helping him overcome the panic attack, instead he had his mates surrounding him - crowding him - and they didn’t know the first thing to do.

“Sarah, where’s Y/N?” Mitch shouted, making Harry squint the thought away. He didn’t want to think about how something back might’ve happened or might be happening to you. Where were you? Sarah’s response did no better to help him.

“I don’t know.”

“Harry bud. Talk to us.” Jeff spoke, crouched down in front of him. Harry shook his head, tears running from his eyes as he began crying. The sobs were really harsh and embarrassing. The tears were heavy and mixed with snot running from his nose to pool on the floor below him. He was not doing well at all, coughing when the asthma choked him up. He couldn’t do this. He felt like he was in a small box and it was only getting smaller. He felt as if he were going to die. Genuinely.

“Does he look like he can talk, dickward.” Adam’s voice came from the other side of Harry, messing his head up even more. There was so many voices and he couldn’t focus on just one, but he didn’t want to. He wanted yours. He needed yours. You.

Whenever this has happened before he was always luckily in the comfort of his home, or the tour bus and always with you. So this was unfamiliar and terrifying. He was beginning to think you’d left him or you’d gotten seriously hurt, but he couldn’t do anything to help. He was stuck - paralysed to this position as his lungs collapsed in on themselves and his brain sped the same speed as a train. You were his comfort person and it was only ever you that he wanted in situations like these. Just you.

“Move out of my way. Move!” Harry thought he heard you and your voice, but he hated that his mind could be playing tricks on him in desperation for what, or whom, he truly wanted.

He felt someone crash on the floor in front of him and the almighty smell of lavender and soap hit him all at once. This time, he was glad to have someone sit so close to him, because it was you.

“Harry look at me, hey, hey. You’re okay. Look at me bubs.” You spoke calmly, trying not to sound panicked yourself, even if you were heavily worried. You watched as he looked up at you, eyes ridiculously red and puffy whilst his nose was dripping like a leaking tap. You wanted to rub his tears away and dab away the snot, but your main priority was on his breathing first. “Okay good, okay.”

Your hand went into your bag and picked out his inhaler. You shook it a few times, before putting it into Harry’s mouth. “On three, one, two, three…” Harry tried is best to breathe in and you pushed down on the canister. “Good, bubs, really good. Okay again, one, two, three…” You repeated and then a third time until you could tell that the wheezing of his asthma attack had disappeared.

“T-than…” Harry tried to mumble out, but couldnt because he was still in panic and his throat was so dry.

“Sshh you’re okay.” You turned to one of the crew members and asked for them to fetch you a bottle of water. You asked people to clear out of the room and leave you with Harry for a bit, knowing he wouldn’t settle in front of all these people. You sat on the floor, crossed legged, and brought Harry to lay his head in your lap with his body trailing behind. You offered him one of your hands to squeeze if he wanted to, which he appreciated, cupping both of his around yours. Your other hand laid to stroke through his gelled hair - that would no doubt have to be redone now.

Instead of going straight into talking to him, you sang his favourite lullaby to him in aid of calming him down. It always worked, or at least helped a little. You sang quietly, noticing the beat of his heart soften with every line you sung. You were by no means a professional singer like him, but he liked the way it was so imperfect and mellow. It calmed him to hear something so simple and so you. Whilst you sang the crew never came back with your requested water and you thanked them, before you were the only ones left in the room.

After you finished singing you noticed how calm Harry was, almost still - the complete opposite to how he’d been all of 10 minutes ago. It was amazing what the power of you could do to him.

“What colour are we feeling?” You and Harry had created your own little system by which you would let each other know how you’re feeling by a colour of the rainbow. You’d designated a meaning to all of them that only you two could understand and used them on the days when you weren’t feeling great, to help understand each other’s feelings better.

“The whole bloody rainbow.” Harry mumbled out and you passed the water around so he could take a few sips, to which he thanked you graciously for.

“Oi, you can’t have that as your answer.” It was a rule that you could only use one colour to some your most intense emotion in that moment, otherwise there was kind of no point to the system.

“But it’s true. I feel grey with confusion, blue with sadness, purple with frustration, yellow with fear and even light yellow with cowardice. Yet I feel pink with happiness and light red with love.”

“What about red red?” You teased, not being able to help yourself.

“What? Lust? Always, for you that is.” You leant down to kiss his head as he cracked a joke, showing you that your Harry was still there beneath all this worry.

“Tell me what the colours represent in real life.”

“Purple because I am frustrated that I had to have a panic attack right before the biggest show of my career. Yellow because I am frightened that nobody will like the album and it will be a complete fail of a night. Grey because I can’t choose one colour and focus on it. I.. I—”

You could tell he getting himself worked up again, so cut him short. “Bubs stop, you’re okay. Listen to me.” You tucked his hair behind his ear as if to open it up for him to hear better. “Don’t ever be frustrated with yourself for something like this. You are allowed to have moments of weakness; you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. Did this compromise your show? No. Did this show off how strong and brave you are? Yes. That’s what is important, therefore we can swap purple for dark yellow because you were brave. Which means yellow can also turn to dark yellow because you are so brave for doing something so huge and so wonderful. People already love the album H. Can’t get enough of it. Everyone will sing along to every word, I can promise you that. Or at least I will. You are amazing, so never undersell yourself. That’s important to me and for you. Bubs, you are so amazing for what you’re doing here tonight and I couldn’t be prouder of you. Yes, a panic attack isn’t nice and it isn’t convenient, but it just helps show how much you care about tonight and it going a success. That must count for something.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit and that was okay. He was most likely getting his thoughts together and mentally preparing himself for the greatest night of his life. You bent your body over so you could hug him, since his back was to your front, and just give him a squeeze to reiterate how proud you are of him.

“Y/N.” Harry spoke quietly, as your body encased his. You embraced his warmth and inhaled the beautiful scent that he was wearing. He both smelt and looked phenomenal.

“Yes bubs.”

“You know I love you right?” Of course you did, but it still made your heart flutter as crazy as the first time he said it to when he tells you now.

“I do.”

“And you know you’re it for me right?”

“Well.. I—” You didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself.

“Because you are.” Harry turned himself around, making you sit up so he could move. He was lying with his head facing upwards now, face looking less red and puffy, and staring right into the souls of your eyes. He looked magical. Beautiful. He thought the same of you. “And,” he moved his fingers to take off his S ring from Gucci, that probably cost more than your annual salary, and place it onto your ring finger of your right hand, “I give you this as a promise to share my last name with you someday.”

Seeing the initial of his last name sat on the finger opposite to the one he claimed he would one day put two more rings on, brought you to tears. “Harry…” You didn’t know what to say, you were speechless. You had never expected for him to do something as monumental as this and had never experienced it before to know how to react.

Of course you’d always dreamt of marrying him and being his for eternity, but never thought of it possibly becoming your reality. Now, Harry was completely devoting himself to you and only you and it suddenly all felt like the dream was settling in place.

“I swear to you Y/N, i’ll love you until the next lifetime and i’ll find you again. I love you so much, I can’t even tell you how much because it is so infinite. You’re so kind and patient with me and you see me for me, not for the Harry Styles, just Harry. I’ll never let a day pass without you on my mind and I think it’s because you were always meant to be mine. My heart is yours.” He smiled once he noticed you were crying, moving one of his hands up to wipe the tears away.

“How do I top that?” You whispered to him, but mostly to yourself. Both of you laughed.

“Just tell me you love me.”

“I do. I do love you Harry.” You nodded and then he sealed your confirmation with a kiss to his lips. You rested your hand upon his cheek, placing the coolness of the S ring upon his cheekbone, as he placed his hand under your chin to guide you into the kiss. He tasted divine and you smiled knowing that you got to have him like this, taste him like this, for the rest of your beating hearts’ days.

[aurora-daily]

AURORA’s Reddit Q&A (July 13th 2021)

Kmilalv: Hello aurora we love you, I'm @ aurora.s_love on instagram ✨✨🥰🥰🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️ Aurora: oh hellooo!!!! Exportmusic: Meep Aurora: meep < 3 Lisxnne: WELL HELLO AND THANKS FOR YOUR NEW SONG! 🙏🌟💕 Aurora: HELLO!! and thank you for being open to it 24681357900: Thank u for making music Aurora: thank you for inviting it into your heart Emergency-Club-7529: This is have some upper case , it's the real Aurora Aurora: yes!!! Helloooooo brunamombach: hello ✨🃏🧚🏻‍♂️🤘🍇🍄🧚🏻‍♀️ when are you coming do Brazil? so glad to see you here!!! Aurora: I think I will be coming to Brazil next year  I love being in Brazil because I feel like it awakens my heart and soul to be there !! Brunamombach: if you were going to an souless island, what book would you bring with you? 🧚🏻‍♂️🍇🍄🧚🏻‍♀️🤘🃏 kisses from Brazil Aurora: I would either take: "The name of the wind" and "a Wise mans fear" or the LOTR trilogy. Or the "Mistborn" trilogy. or "warbreaker" or "the good omens" or "the ocean at the end of the lane" or "Anne of Green gables" or "The alchemist" or just all the books in the world oh no I cant decide

all DanParis: Hey have some karma you cool bean 🤌🏼 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Aurora: thank you < 3 Ok-Estimate8468: Tell us something you can tell us about the second track on the Cure For Me vinyl, “Potion For Love”. I'm very curious...

Aurora: its the song I decided for the B-side of the vinyl, and I will probably release it digitally one day too. Its the sister song to "exist for love" but from the other perspective. where love does not fill you up, but love has left a big hole within you < / 3 Ok-Estimate8468: Did you get a lot of unfollows and hate from bad people due to Cure For Me? Aurora: I got a little hate from homophobes, and also abelist, and racist comments from people claiming there was nothing wrong with their mindset. BUT it does not bother me. and I will never stop speaking up about the things I find important. because.. what else would our meaning on this earth be? if that makes sense. Some people have attacked me personally, but sadly mostly its people defending their own hateful ways of being. I cant even imagine how it really is to be a victim of racism or violent homophobia, so I feel like the least I can do is to try the best I can to show support. and speak up. and be an ally.

So a bit more short - yes, and I really dont mind!!!! unfollow me if you find speaking about equality and the right to live, and love and be loved unsettling <3 thank you for this question! Ok-Estimate8468: How was the process of creating the studio version of Cure For Me? I heard your first acoustic performance and saw that it's much smoother than the studio, so I was curious to see how you managed to create another even more amazing version. Aurora: Me and Magnus just played around, and we really tried to go with our emotions, and to be playful and to not think too much about what was "AURORA" or what was even...pretty! we just laughed! and danced! and did what felt lovely to us.

I think this is why the making of this song is one of my favourite memories, and also I think that is why it sounds so playful! because it is!! it was like playing a game. and I did also play alot around with symbolics in both the lyrics and the way this song is produced. it all has a meaning you see... but of course I will let you figure that out yourself!!

Pingouiin_: What's your favourite mountain around bergen ? Aurora: mine is Løvstakken!! and Magnus loves Ullrikken!! but important to NEVER stop a Norwegian person walking on the mountain. just say. a quick hello and wander off your own mind. become at one with nature Whoamiandallthat: Thank you for existing, I love your art and you inspire me so much 💙 You are one of my favorite artists 😊 And just the other day I found out that you are just two years older than me, and so successful... I'm wondering how it was for you to become so popular, did you feel like people thought you needed a cure? I'm also in the sphere of arts - filmmaking; but I feel like my films are not good enough... I have a YouTube channel with some videos - if you ever see this comment I would like for you to check it out 😊 Aurora: Ive felt through my life like something was a little off, ive never resonated that much with the people or the "system" around me! it didn't bother me so much even though I. was teased a lot for it ( so again I was very lucky) but I never felt like I understood the world and my place in it. or how I. could fit in, in this worlds society and with other people ! and becoming "famous" which I dont really feel that I am, but I guess that I am a little "known" (meep) was very strange, and very hard to handle at first. as impressions affect me a lot, and noises and people etc. but with time I got better at handling all these impressions, and avoid getting a.. sensory overload! and I am so happy now, that I can look directly at strangers and actually listen to them, and understand them, and even love them I guess what I am trying to say, that ive now understood that this is the very thing that connected me to all of you. and now I see my place here on this earth. and I see all of you, and you give my life so much meaning!! Lets_Fight_Dragons: Firstly I wanted to say I recently discovered your music and I love everything about it. I have two questions, I hope that’s ok 1. How do you start writing songs because I’m trying to get into songwriting and I’m not sure how you write such amazing songs 2. What’s your favourite song you’ve released? Aurora: 1. well I dont really know. ( I am sorry!!) but I feel like it started really natural for me.. I. kind of just sat down with my piano.. and then I started playing around with the Keyes, and I figured out I could make an endless amount of melodies by simply pressing the keys in a different order!! remember finding this extremely magical (I was around 6 years old then) and after a while I started adding lyrics, and I just spent time looking into myself, trying to figure out. - what do I want to say? what do. I need to hear in a song? what do the world need to hear in a song? and etc. I always think about songwriting as storytelling. and I always start out by figuring out what story I want to tell, what matter I want to dress, or what pleases me, or annoys me with the world, or what emotion I need help dealing with!! and then I write a song!!! and if you feel like its difficult to come up with melodies, I would recommend finding a song you like, and learn the chords of it (or find an instrumental version. online) and then you make your own melodies on top of that! many of the songs of the world share the same chords, and often the melodies on top is the thing separating them. music belongs to all of us, and its clear that every song in the world comes from the same magical source. 2. I think its the seed. or couples creatures!! or infections of a different kind!! tiffnoir: Our dear AURORA, your b-side A Potion For Love is helping me a lot (broken heart since a few days ago). I wanted to ask (if I can haha) if would it be included at the upcoming album, or maybe a relaxing, vintage video for it? Thanks for helping all of us with your music ^_^ Aurora: thank you som much for letting this song into your heart  after writing exist for love, I figured that I should also make a sister-song that could belong for the ones with a broken heart as well  it will not be on the album, but for you I will try to put it on the deluxe version FedahpWithThisWurld: Hello, Aurora! I'm a neurodivergent person and I have always felt a lot of shame over being the way I am, like I'm not good enough. Your music makes me feel better and it makes me feel that being me is okay. Thank you for that.  I want to know how you manage to be so confident? Do you ever get nervous before a show? Aurora: hello!!!! I have had a lot of similar experiences with myself in this world too.. so I am very sad to hear you've lived your life with this feeling I think after a while I understood what makes me different also makes me special. and special is good. and if you think about it, special isn't even that different, because in one way or another we are all... unique. but of course, some people have had to fight their. way through life more than others.. making it less easy to learn how to love yourself. and accept yourself. I guess, now I've surrounded myself with good people who understand my quirks and sensitivities, people who give me time. and space to be me. I have also been lucky, because I have a family that have always encouraged me to be myself. and to love myself. and I guess that is why I am trying to convey to all of you now, because now we are like al little family. where being who you are - is cool. and you're cool. and were all cool. and I get nervous all the time, of all sorts of things! but I just accept that feeling as a part of being human. its uncomfortable yes, but I know at least it won't kill me! 3charmplease: What was it like recording for Frozen? Aurora: it was magical  and also slightly scary. but it felt safe and good calling at the mountains. and I feel warm thinking about it. especially now. cause my father just walked over to me with five little strawberries in his hand. he gave them all to me. and they were so small, and sweet. im currently sitting in my childhood home, right next to the very piano where I wrote "runaway" and so many other songs. Tiny-Sink-2397: Boom shake shake shake the room Aurora: that was actually during the recording process of Cure For Me! Tiny-Sink-2397: I thought it was!! Seemed like an epic party Aurora: YES Joelynxyzs: what's your favorite movie ? Aurora: Practical magic BUT ALSO THESE: The LOTR triology ALL GHIBLI MOVIES avatar once upon a time in Hollywood Hannah the perfume fantastic MR. fox Star Wars: a new hope rouge one isle of dogs the hunchback of Notre dame! the arrival stypop: If you were to get the chance to work on a sequel to another Disney movie, which one would you want it to be? Aurora: since Disney owns Lucas films I would love to be a part of the Star Wars universe  or to play either a magical fairy, witch mermaid, forest nymph, or a scary beast!! WE WO brisot: The masks in CFM remind me of theater plays, do you ever watch any and how much of an influence for you is the art of acting? Aurora: this era of my life is very influenced by the ancient times where theatre was all they had. no CGI or special effects etc. and I really wanted all these videos to feel very authentic, and down to earth! The shell in "exist for love" was handmade by someone, and I painted all the masks in "cure for me" myself! so I like it when it feels... human Clear-Champion-1833: i love you Aurora:

<3

Jicuhrabbitkim: How do you like your fried eggs cook!! I like it when its very crispy!! Aurora: as long as its from a local farm that has free healthy chickens that walk about freely and eat good food I like my eggs crispy too. GhostReaper3: Hi I have a question as well: How do you keep positive? Many people including myself find this difficult sometimes so it would be good to hear your technique or way of keeping upbeat and positive! Also, thank you for sharing your music with us! Aurora: I know what you mean, i've struggled with it myself at times. but I guess I tried separating in my mind what I can do something about, and what I cant? if that makes sense?? we are all just here on this planet. and though we all seem to be going though the same things we still feel so alone, in our thoughts and in our minds. And I've been very aware that with music, and with this fandom we can all finally connect, and see each other, and know that we are not alone! and if there is one thing I love, it is to dance a little after I've cried. I think its important to. shake these emotions out of our body. like animals do! and then I made CURE FOR ME. because I thought about all the warriors out there feeling. a little crazy... after isolation! or after being depressed! and being l rocked in with their families that might not accept them for who they are.. and I thought I needed to make a song for us all, that felt a little uplifting. and uniting. just so we know where not alone, and just so we know that we are worthy.. of everything! and that we are worthy of celebrating ourselves!! ALWAYS! aniri003: Were the dancers freestyling in the last part of the video Aurora: YES! I told them to put their freak game on. And they were amazing. L_pls_use_revive: Hei Aurora! Apart from inspiring me with your music for emotional people, I also dicovered my love for Norway and the Norwegian language through you - now studying it in my second year at university. Tusen, tusen takk! I want to visit soon when traveling is safe - So which place should I not miss out on? Have a great life! Aurora: I think the whole of Norway is worth visiting! there are so many beautiful places. and beautiful people! I would ofc. recommend Bergen! (haha!) but also places like Tromsø, Trondheim, Stavanger, lofted and The Geirangerfjord and the Northwest!!! HAHA KakSetoKaiba: How's the progress of the album that you've been preparing which will be released after your death? Aurora: its going well, I take one song for every chapter and I put it on my death album instead of the album I'm making  its going well. and im excited about it! maria_fernandez_: This is not a question but I just wanted to tell you that discovering you and your music has been the best thing that ever happened to me. What your music makes me feel cannot be described in words. I love you so much. Greetings from Spain!! Aurora: thank you!!! applepieaurora: Whats your favorite pie? 🐉 Aurora: apple pie  and blueberry pie!! Ok-Potato7244: Thanks for sharing your time ... a warrior here to welcome you...Have some tea...And i don't need a cure for disliking keeping animals in cages...Especially birds...💚... Aurora: thank you pekaraseva: what do you feel when you perform Ioadk or Adkoh for people? Aurora: I feel so full of emotion and love and despair I could almost explode  and its wonderful. I also feel insanely connected to the audience when I sing these songs.. I. think. its because they are such important pieces of my soul targaryenblood02: omg what do you think cure for me would smell like? 🐛 Aurora: like something Brazilian! like Asai! or caipirinha! or Brigadeiro!

sproutingephemeral: Hello Aurora, Thanks for your new song, I've gotten quite addicted to it😊 I have a question that might be a bit difficult to answer. I am a Warrior from the U.S. currently without a clue of where I should be and what I should be doing. I'm done with school, and in the process of moving to a new town with my parents. I'm applying for jobs, but I feel like I can't find my reason for being in a smaller area with not many people my age. I feel like my parents are trying to mold me into a certain person, which doesn't feel authentic to me. I probably should be making more of my own decisions at my age, but I'm a bit scared and confused, if what I think is deemed too unrealistic or out of line with their expectations for me (like a childhood dream?). I tried talking to them about it, to little success. Is there something inherently wrong with me? Or am I just being spoiled or lazy? I read about how you were initially opposed to starting your career until your mother convinced you to change your mind. How do you know whether or not to trust in your parents' plans for you? On a lighter note, do you prefer cookies that are more soft (chewy) or hard (crumbly)? I don't need a cure for...my autism, and tendency to talk regularly to my deceased cat at his grave (??)😿👼 Looking forward to seeing you in New York! Take care❤❤ Aurora: you should ALWAYS. only do what feels right for you. this world is very absurd, and people tend to think they know what is meaningful and what is important. but we all know, money and success isn't important beyond what you need to simply survive. this one life is yours. and you should be just who you want. and do what feels right for you. because its yours. its only yours. drink tea. work hard. be lazy. dance. be shy. laugh, cry. drink wine and eat good bread. be good. fight for something you care about. and either live for your work, or work a little and then just... live. get a garden, grow tomatoes, get a cat. or a dog. or a parrot. life can be so random, and it can be both so little, and so large at the same time. some days were meant to TAKE chances, and live. and sometimes were just meant to exist. and do nothing. you should never feel guilty for not "being enough" because you are enough. just who you are. just how you are. is enough. good luck on your strange journey my warrior, maybe our paths crosses and maybe they dont. but know, when you walk out of your door, that anything can happen! and the whole world is yours. Hippolyte_gray: is the name of the next album hidden in your previous songs ? Aurora: mayyyyyybeeeeeeeee rashadalt: what do you think about your fans who are racist/homophobic etc.? Aurora: I feel sorry for them. because I know I cant be easy l living a life so full of hate. and even spending your precious. time on this world bringing other people down. and I know how easy it is for people to be driven by fear, and how difficult. it can be to have an original meaning and stand up for what you really mean. so I dont judge them, or hate them,

but I do feel sorry for them. and I am also very disappointed in them. because its such a. waste of human potential to live your life in the paths of hatred.

but as long as we face hate with love, we will eventually win. when we show them. we are not the enemy, just people trying to make a better world, I think, and I hope that eventually we can all agree that being able to live, and being able to love is a human right. Brivera726: I noticed you said you would bring LOTR trilogy with you to an island- I’m reading them for the fourth time right now  I feel like if Galadriel sing songs it would sound like you! Anyway I really like your art so yah just keep doing u- love from PFC Rivera, USMC Aurora: this is then est thing ive ever read thank you Aurora: I am. sorry people, but my time here (for tonight) is up </3 but I will probably be back looking at your questions and thoughts because I did really. enjoy this. and I. love you all so. much.

[link]

[wordynerdygurl]

Seven Minutes in Heaven

Author’s Note:  Well hello my friends!  Since hitting 1000 Followers in July (WHAT?!  STILL UNBELIEVABLE!!!) I’ve been working on the requests sent in by my amazing troop of readers!  This is another one of those stories which I’m pleased to share.   As always, help my unending need for validation but re-blogging or liking the story!  Also, you can send asks, make your own request, follow me, or be added to my tag-list! Last, @sammy-jo1977 is my beta... and my ride or die home girl!  Thanks lady! Pairing:  Loki x Female Reader, appearances from most of the Avengers

Summary/ Request:  @queenofmischief asked for a story where “Loki and you guys are friends growing up and you realize you like him and try to hide it but somehow at a party or something or another, maybe Seven Minutes in Heaven is involved, it comes out and really hot smut ensues?”

I used some of the ideas you gave me, dear reader, but made it a little more mature, so I sincerely hope you enjoy!

Warnings:  Lots of 80′s references... music, movies, clothes, etc.  References of smut, heavy petting and kissing

ENJOY!

"But, like, I really don't want to go."  Your cellphone, pinned between your ear and shoulder, pushed your earring into the tender flesh behind your lobe.  It probably didn't help that the jewelry in question was a pair of huge hoops, fluorescent in color and hard plastic.

You heard Wanda sigh, "Yea… I know.  It's just, we all are… and you know it'll be worse if you don't show up."

"I really hate it."  Using a sing-song voice didn't change the feelings behind your words.  Going up to the main floor of The Avengers Tower for a theme party was not a thrilling idea.

"I know you do-", pulling open the door between your room and hers, you palmed your phone, frowning at your friend, "-But you look great!"

"Radical… or wicked… or tubular would be more 80's appropriate."  Still, her compliment made you smile.  It really was a great outfit, totally encapsulating the MTV generation's vibe, complete with hot lime colored leg warmers. 

 Your cropped REO Speedwagon t-shirt was cut off at the neck, dripping low enough to expose one whole shoulder, and a wide stripe of the magenta colored tank top underneath.  Having tucked the camisole into your acid washed denim micro miniskirt, you finished the ensemble with a pair of black pumps, and the obligatory scrunchie of cheap yellow satin.  It pulled your hair into a low, side ponytail.

For makeup you'd painted your eye-shadow on, bright turquoise with pink under your brows.  Lipstick in a shimmery rosy hue brought extra attention to your lips.  And you stored your cell phone, lip gloss and keys in your iridescent fanny pack.

Wanda couldn't help giggling at the sight of you and your collection of clashing colors.  For her look tonight she'd dawned a pair of skin tight leggings, an over-sized button down shirt with a stretchy black belt that was about four inches wide.  Ballet flats, teased out hair and stark makeup had Wanda looking like a video vixen.  It was impressive.

"See, you went sexy… and I went silly."  Pouting now, you flopped onto your bed, "Can I just not?"

Sitting down next to you, patting your knee, "You don’t look silly, but you do look like you could be a hair band groupie!  That’s sexy!” Shrugging your shoulders, unconvinced, Wanda added, “Besides, tonight… It may be fun.  And, worse case?  You get blitzed like a teenager on prom night."

"No… that's not the worst case.  Worst case?  He's there."

Sighing, Wanda shook her head, "He does still rub you the wrong way, huh?  And, yes, he may be there… but-" standing, taking you with her, "-it would be a shame to waste all your wicked cool work!"

Hearing her use the dated vernacular made you grin.  She was right.  Tonight could be a blast, if you were able to get out of your head.  Jumping off the bed, unsettling one of those fashionable leg warmers, you hugged your friend tightly.  You could do this.  You wouldn't be alone.  And if Loki was there, he'd just have to get over it.  You weren't going to pay him any attention.

---

"Mr. Loki… can we please go?  We're already stupid late."  

Bending to straighten his red suspenders, Loki smirked at himself, "Greed is good."

Sighing, exasperated and edging into anger, Peter pulled open the front door, "I don't know what that means, but you look… greasy."

"Like I could steal your company in a corporate take over?  Maybe steal your woman too", Loki questioned, excited at the idea.

Crossing his arms over the red puffy vest he had bought specifically for tonight, Peter grunted, "Uh… I… I guess.  I meant more like one of the assholes in Wolf of Wall Street."

God, you had better be there tonight.  Loki was putting a lot of hope on Stark’s little shindig and he wanted to make sure that all of the little details were absolutely perfect, giving him every advantage.  Standing now, slicking back his long dark hair, "That, my young spider friend, is exactly what I am going for… Evil 80′s CEO."

"Great."

Loki heard the frustration in the young man’s voice.  Someday he would understand, Loki thought, turning to the youthful Avenger beside him, "You certainly make a dashing Marty McFly, Peter.  Truly."

"Aw!  Really, Mr. Loki?  Ya mean it?"  That made the Spider Boy preen, popping his collar, and standing a little straighter.

"I do!  Now-" flashing a rakish smile to his reflection as he passed, "-let's get upstairs and see how everyone else is doing!"

---

Everyone else was ready to party.  The last mission, a particularly difficult one, involved Hydra agents banging it out against our heroes along the rough terrain of the polar ice cap.  Draining the physical and emotional resources of everyone, including you and Loki, Tony had planned a little party to kick off a period of rest and relaxation.

As soon as the elevator opened you knew it was going to be an insane night.  Everything was brightly lit.  Paper streamers were strung up haphazardly along the walls and ceiling.  Big plastic buckets of chips and cheese curls were put out on the counter along with a huge punch bowl that reeked of rum and sugary fruit juice.  On the floor in the kitchenette was a garbage can, freezing, full of ice, only the keg tap visible.  A stack of red plastic cups was at the ready.

Someone had ordered pizza.  Well, dozens of pizzas.  The boxes were piled along the table already crammed with pretzel bags and Doritos.  

Steve was being instructed on the basics of Beer Pong and, you decided, definitely being hustled by Sam.  Bucky looked on with curiosity, quietly sneaking closer to the chips and dip, hoping no one would notice.  Rhodey was watching them both through the reflective lenses of his aviator shades, doing a great job of looking like a Top Gun cadet, including the tight jeans and broken-in bomber jacket.  Grinning as he drank down a bottle of beer, Rhodes shouted, "Hey Stank!  Is all of this really necessary?"

"Don't come for me Rhodey!"  Wearing a pair of neon leopard spotted knit pants, a green polo shirt and white sneakers, Tony was clutching a glass bowl filled with little slips of paper to his chest.  No one had managed to figure out what they were or why he held them.  Drinking two beers from his plastic, can holding helmet, Tony would answer only with a slightly slurred, "It's my trashy 80′s party and I do what I want!"

And Tony had thought of everything.  Sounding like a mixed tape pulled from the radio, the tunes didn't let up!  Ratt, Foreigner, Cindi Lauper, Madonna and Tom Petty all took turns blasting through the room.  So many hits from the past pumped through the sound system, getting people on their feet and keeping them there.  You were swinging and swaying along, having a blast, but when Bon Jovi hit the group of Intergalactic Warriors went wild.

Clint, rocking a mullet wig and a vest with no shirt, jumped onto a table making the motions of an air guitar champion.  Singing into a beer bottle like it was his microphone, "Whoooooaaaa we're halfway there…"

Guffawing, you hid behind your Bud Light filled cup, already red cheeked from the non-stop laughing and alcohol in your system.  At some point you had given up Wanda to Vision in a varsity jacket, doing his best jerk-off jock impression, and not quite pulling it off.  It wasn't his fault that he was too polite to put people down in the way of Eighties movie bad guys. Alone, feeling flushed, but happy, you needed a break and some quiet.  Flinging yourself onto the soft sofa, watching the frat house style antics unfold all around, you couldn’t help laughing.  Tony always found a way to knock the group out of their post mission funk.  Sometimes that meant week long Caribbean vacations and sometimes that meant dressing up in retro attire and scream singing with a cold beer in your hands.  Either way, it seemed to bring everyone closer together, and the pictures were certainly worth framing. The couch dipped as someone joined you.  Swiveling, not quite drunk but not quite sober, you couldn’t help the groan that left you.  “Oh.  It’s you.”

Not exactly the response Loki wanted, he was just grateful that you spoke to him at all.  Lately you seemed to flee any room he entered, a hurt and heavy sigh escaping you before you'd make your exit, never looking back.  Loki couldn't understand why.

After all, it had been two months since that night.  The one where he'd stumbled on you, glowing blue in the light of the television set, alone and in the darkness.  You asked him to join you, he had accepted.

The movie was called "Say Anything" and Loki had to admit, as far as romance on film went, this story was very moving.  But that was an unexpected bonus to being so near to you.  Before the credits rolled, you had burrowed against him, snuggled under his arm with your head on his chest.  

Stroking your hair, Loki pressed a kiss to your forehead, thoughtlessly, naturally.  Pushing away, looking up at him through hooded lashes, "You… you kissed me?"

Words failed the silver tongued devil, something he still pondered all these weeks later, so a nod was all you got for a response.  Kneeling, your sleep shirt riding over your thighs, Loki watched your small hand rising to cup his cheek.  Feeling your lips against his own was the beginning of the best night of his life.

And then, nothing.  It was like a switch had been thrown and no matter how many ways he tried to reach out for you, Loki wasn't able to connect.  Not like that night.

So, he was going against his nature tonight.  Joining the group, drinking a bit of his brother's mead, wearing a dated but pristine business suit.  All done in the vain hope that something would shift in his favor.

He had already lost too many nights to memories of you.  Soft, full skin under his broad palms.  The tiny moan you exhaled when Loki’s tongue met your own.  How your wet, willing body accepted him, without question or stipulation.  And in the afterglow, when your head rested in the crook of his neck and your cherry cola scented breath circled him, you let Loki hold you close.

But he buried it all.  Tonight he was the embodiment of all things slick.  Nothing could stick to him; not when he had a goal in mind and this much gel in his hair.  Loki Odinson would be taking you home tonight, come hell or high water. Wolfish, Loki’s grin was wicked, “Yes.  Your dream has come true.”  Sitting back, he crossed his designer suit covered knee at the ankle, exposing socks with little golfers on them.  He let his right arm rest along the back of the sofa, not around you… not yet, but inching closer. “What is that cologne you’re wearing?” “Don’t you like it?  I’m told Drakkar Noir was quite the scent of the 80′s.  I did my research.” Twisting, you looked him over, impressed despite yourself.  The suit was totally of its time.  Black, pinstriped and you were sure the jacket that came with it was draped somewhere safe.  His shirt was shiny but soft and bright, blinding white.  Suspenders of red matched the tie that draped down the center of his chest. With his hair combed straight back and held in place with some kind of product, Loki looked like he was capable of eating a six course lunch at Sardi’s, complete with dirty martinis, then jetting back to the office in time to defraud a corporate spending account.  The kind of executive that blackmails a co-worker with pictures of a mistress.  The kind of douche bag that tries to take over a rec center to build a mall.  In short, an avarice little asshole.  So, why was it so hot? “It’s… overpowering.”, boy, was that an understatement.  Loki’s whole aesthetic was overpowering right now.  And, was he moving closer? His bent knee brushed against your own as he leaned near enough to be heard at a whisper, “You look adorable, you know that?” Scrunching into the corner of the couch, eyeing him suspiciously, “Oh?  Really?” “Really.”, his hand brushed over your exposed shoulder, making you jump at his touch.

Uh uh.  No way.  You would not be so easy to seduce this time around.  Even if those wide hands sent goosebumps growing all over your body, Loki would not charm his way into your panties again.  Not like last time.

It had been spontaneous.  Genuine, at least for you.  And in the moment, it felt like Loki had given you a little piece of himself, a tenderness that no one else ever saw in the far flung Frost Giant.  

Maybe that's why Clint's words hurt so much.  He had told you so casually, holding up a spoonful of Cheerios, "Loki said his last girl was a drag.  Basic bitch?  Is that what the kids say?"

Thinking about it now made your heart hurt.  You had given yourself to someone who thought you were beneath him.  Loki couldn't want you.  You would never be good enough.

But that night haunted you.  His soulful kisses that stole your breath.  The drag of Loki’s hands over the swell of your bottom as you straddled his hips.  His solid chest under your own hands, dark head curved against the couch cushion, but those burning eyes never leaving your face.  “I thought you said I was plain.  Simple.  Boring.”  

Leveling his own words back at him made Loki straighten in his seat.  How could you think that?  Unbalanced, stammering, “Uh… I… I’d never…” “Never expected me to find out?  I believe that.  And, let me tell you this-”  Pushing yourself up with the help of the couch’s arm, you rose on unsteady legs, “-I’m not nearly drunk enough to fall into your arms again.”  Spinning away, you made a dash towards the people in the kitchen, without looking back. Watching you go, Loki could do nothing but stare after your retreating form, flummoxed.

“That was… painful.”

He knew that voice well enough, frustrated, confused and unfit for company, “Go away, Tony.”

“I don’t think I will.  In fact-” sitting down in your empty spot, patting Loki’s knee, “-I’m going to make myself comfortable.  Now, tell Uncle Tony all about it.”

Rolling his eyes, unable to find you in the crowd, Loki risked a sideways glance at his replacement companion.  Was he really going to indulge in this?  Tell his almost friend about you… about your one night together?  Loki raked his hands through the pomade in his hair, growling low, “If you breathe a word of it Tony, I’ll-” Lowering his wrap around sunglasses, peering at Loki, Tony smiled, “Your secret is safe with me.” ---

Thinking less and less about Loki as the night went on should have been a relief but it seemed like the scent of him followed you everywhere.  Unable to get free of him, you busied yourself with drinks, dancing, and munching like you were a kid again.  Anything to keep your mind from wandering.

It's not like the party was boring.  Not at all!  There was plenty to distract you and you let it.  Natasha made you her partner for beer pong and somehow you successfully won against Rhodey and Sam.  

Next, Wanda needed you, which is how you wound up sitting on the bathroom sink listening to her go on about Vision in that wistful, loving way that made your own heart ache.  Being a little drunk, you had to fight the urge to cry because you were lonely and hurting. “I saw you talking to Loki… what was that about?”  She was reapplying ruby red lipstick, studying herself in the mirror, not looking directly at you.  

Wanda's voice cut through your self doubt spiral though, something you were thankful for, and with a casual tone you countered, “He was trying to get something started, I think.” Eyebrows lifting, Wanda’s interested piqued,  “Really?  Loki was hitting on you?” “Yea… I mean, I think so.  Was coming on awfully strong too.  But… he’s been a jerk, right?”  

Wanda cleaned up her eye make-up taking a minute, after washing her hands she looked at you, “I mean, he is here.” “So?” “So, you know he’s not really a joiner.  More of a lone wolf.  In fact, I think this may be the first of these little parties he’s come to.  Maybe he’s changed… grown a bit?  And, honestly, you never asked him about-”

Hopping off the counter, cutting her off, more than a little huffy at her good sense, “No, I didn’t and I don’t plan to.  Loki thinks I’m a bore?  Too basic for him?  Fine.  I have better things to do with my time.” Laying her hand on your shoulder, Wanda stopped you, eyeing you in the mirror once more, “I know his words hurt… but you’re going to have to clear the air eventually.  Especially if we’re all going to work together.”

Shrugging, you offered your friend a small smile.  There was truth in her sentiment, even if your slightly drunken brain rebelled against hearing it, “Yea, you're right… plus-” looking around the small washroom, just to make sure no one could hear the pair of you, “- he looks really hot tonight!”

Giggling, Wanda hugged you close, “I didn’t want to say anything, but… yea he does!” The pair of you were still laughing together, standing at the back of the crowd as Tony turned down the music, announcing, “Gather round children, Uncle Tony needs your attention!”  There were a few groans, mostly from the beer pong table, as apparently Bucky was unhappy about forfeiting his winning match.  Everyone else, in all their high haired glory, were congregating near their host, curious and more than a little drunk.

“Tony, what the hell, man?  You killed the tunes!”, Clint shouted, spilling Bud Light foam as he joined the tightening circle. “Patience, my drunk friend.  You all remember this?”  From the table nearby, Tony picked up his glass bowl, triumphant, “Our Destiny!”

Pepper, sighing with a smile, “So dramatic!” Shaking the bowl in her direction Tony smirked, “Ok smarty, then you pick first.  Go on… Pick!” There were oohs and ahhs from the assembled Avengers.  Rolling her eyes, Pepper reached in, grabbing the first slip her fingers found.  Pulling it free, she grinned, eyeing Tony, “It says ‘Loki’...” Hearing his name, Loki snapped his head up, surprise registering on his face, “Excuse me?” Holding it up for his examination, Pepper waved the slip under the regal nose of the junior Odinson, “See… your name.” “Yes, but why?”

Butting in, Tony snatched the scrap from the hand of his lovely fiance, practically dancing with glee.  Turning to Loki, “Now you, Gordon Gecko, pull a slip.” Aware of all eyes locked on him, Loki reached into the jar, digging around a little more than necessary.  Finally satisfied, the thin paper pinched between his fingers, Loki opened the folded note.  When his fierce gaze met yours, you knew without a doubt.  It was your name he had grabbed. Throwing a thick arm across Loki’s broad shoulders, Tony hugged him close, “Well?  What’s it say?” It all made sense in that moment.  The tacky costumes, flat beer and endless music.  A drunken moment of clarity had descended.  Tony, waving his arms, eating up the crowd’s reactions, heads turning to gauge your response.  Swallowing hard, your hearing failing you, you just faked a smile. You and Loki were going into the closet for Seven Minutes in Heaven. Only there was no way you were going to do that.  Not after what he’d said.  Not after your one night together, right?  But you felt a gentle hand pushing your forward, into the center of your circle of friends and for some reason, your feet followed.  

Refusing didn't enter your mind.  With everyone ogling you and Loki, making a scene would only cause more speculation, something you weren't keen to do.  Instead, you stepped next to Tony, outwardly eager to play along.  

You just shouldn't have dared to look at your proposed make out partner.  Laser focused, Loki’s lusty look hadn’t wavered.  No, the light in those thundering blue eyes was carnal, darker than you had ever seen, matching your own.  Against your better judgement, you wanted Loki, too.

Whatever Tony was saying was a blur, merely sounds, because you were utterly stunned by the nearness of Loki.  The roaring laughs of the rest of the group were drowned out by your pounding heart.  A door opened to a dim room, the pantry maybe?  You didn’t know and in that moment you didn’t really care. 

With a small smile, Loki ducked into the cupboard, lacing his fingers with yours, offering a bit of his strength.  Dragging you inside, your body pinned between a shelf of snacks and the hard body of your frenemy, a whimper of want passed your lips.  Loki still smelled so good and now he was so close.  “Have fun you two!”, Tony’s words were accompanied by the door shutting you and Loki inside, in the dark.  Surrounded by silence, Loki’s sharp pants were the only sound louder than your racing pulse, which was saying something. Afraid to move, afraid of spooking you, Loki struggled to search your stare in the low light.  He had already experienced your angry dismissal of his attention tonight.  It wasn't something he wanted to relive, not when you were so close with sweet and speedy breath, your chest brushing against his own at each exhale.

Lifting a hand, grazing over your uncovered shoulder, Loki's touch was electric.  You moved towards it, towards him, needing more of his energy.  Craving it.

Bold in the dark, you grabbed at Loki’s suspenders, tugging him closer.  Rising on your toes, covering some of the distance between your mouth and his, you pressed a hot kiss to those soft, pink lips.  Under your fluttering fingers Loki shivered, "Darling-"

"Shut up.  I… I don't care."

"But I never…"

"I told you.  I don't care.  Now kiss me like you mean it, because we only have about six more minutes!"

Not needing any more encouragement, Loki found the flare of your hips in the shadows, molding your curves to the rigid planes of his body.  Desperate, needy, you felt his tongue move against your own.  Want, plain and simple, led your own fingers to the collar of Loki’s starched shirt and the tangle of his raven hair. Fisting it, tugging against those luscious locks, you couldn’t seem to get close enough to the tall God sharing your cupboard.  Whining, his name on your lips, you drew Loki tight enough that the press of your breasts was edging towards pain.  Demanding, true to your word, with every pass of Loki’s magical mouth over your own the last few weeks were forgotten. Hungry for more, Loki roughly squeezed the flesh of your ass, grinding you against his wool blend covered crotch.  Stuttering, his arousal was so stiff, for a minute Loki worried about making a mess.  But that feeling was replaced with unbridled ecstasy when your lips found the tender skin below his ear.  

A nip, enough to make Loki hiss, was soon soothed by your sucking on the same spot.  Resting your butt on the nearest shelf, you didn’t have to stand on tip-toe to reach the soft, sweet sections of Loki where you longed to lavish attention.  He took advantage of your new position by sliding a free hand along the swell of your separated thighs.  “I just need to feel you, dove.  I need to know that you want me as much as I want you.”  It was a husky whisper, directly into your ear, and it sent an arc of icy fire to your core.  When his long fingers skimmed over the silky slick of your panties you moaned in unison, bucking into Loki’s touch, lost in the moment. Stepping between your legs, Loki took one of your hands into each of his own, pinning you wide open against the boxes of cereal and granola bars that lined the pantry walls.  Devouring you slowly, Loki kissed along the column of muscles at your throat, across the exposed line of your clavicle.  You could do little more than take his delicious torment as more and more of your sweat dappled skin was serviced by his silver tongue. “Yes… Loki…”, tumbling out of you, just like the night when you first came together, you crooned his name in delight.  Breathless, boneless and broken with need. CLICK!  The sound made you both freeze.  Snapping swiftly, Loki’s head swung towards the door where the bright light and noisy crowd of the party was intruding into your private pantry. “WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!  What do we have here?”  Swinging into the tight space, Tony’s shrewd look took in the scene in seconds, “What were you two doing in here?  It was a very quiet seven minutes!” Straightening to standing, Loki stood, blocking you from sight as you readjusted your clothes.  Smoothing down his tangled strands, sarcasm dripping, “Talking.  Very quietly.”  When he was sure you were decent, Loki offered you his hand, and blinking you stepped back into the wild and raucous party still in full swing.  Tony, flashing a knowing grin your way, nodded, “I hope you didn’t smush the chips!  We still need those!” Giggling, you locked onto Loki’s arm, letting him lead you towards the keg and away from the shouted questions of your friends.  You knew there was no mystery about what happened in those seven minutes.  Hair mused, makeup smudged, lips swollen and shirts twisted, the pair of you were walking neon signs for getting to third base.

Silently Loki poured you a beer, taking a small glass of Asgardian mead for himself, before raising his glass your way.  Returning his gesture, you downed the frothy ale fast, feeling a little parched after your spit swapping time in the hall closet.  Boring into you, his eyes followed each of your movements, searching for a sign of your feelings. Dropping your empty cup on the counter, you turned and jumped onto the marble ledge, feet dangling.  “Loki?” Placing his own glass down gently, Loki took his position between your bent knees, looking down at your darling face, “Yes?” “Did you say those things?  That I was… boring?  Basic?” Shaking his dark waves no, Loki bit into his bottom lip, “Never.  What I said was, my last girl, ages ago, was those things… but my new lady-” tracing along your jaw, tipping your chin his way, “-she is everything I could ever want.”

“Am I… am I your new lady, then?” With a fierce flicker of fire in his eyes, Loki nodded yes this time, “Absolutely.” Leaning into him, arms around his neck, you tugged him down to meet your waiting lips.  “Good.  Good to know.  Because I think I’m going to watch a movie tonight.” “Really?  I recall really enjoying the last one.” “Hmm… me too.”  Sliding off the counter, ducking under Loki’s long arms, you turned back to face him, “My room… say, an hour?”

Snapping his suspenders, smirking, “I’ll be there.”  Watching you skip away made Loki’s pulse pound in anticipation.  Pouring himself another glass of clear liquor, he chuckled, amazed at the change seven minutes had created.  

“You’re welcome.” “Ah!  Yes, many thanks Tony.”  

Leaning against the counter, Tony knocked into Loki’s shoulder, “You’re cute together, Rock of Ages, but don’t make me regret helping you tonight!  Treat her right.”

“Of course.  I... truly, thank you.”, sincerity seeped from Loki at the favor from Tony. “No worries!  No worries!”  Waving away any additional gratitude, Tony looked over the group of half cocked, and totally cocked heroes before him, “Of course the real bitch was getting Pepper to pull your name from the bowl…”

My Marvelous Minxes tag-list:  @queenofmischief @vodka-and-some-sass @just-random-obsessions @brokenthelovely @lots-of-loki @thefallenbibliophilequote @iamverity @iluvsumbucky @unadulteratedwizardlove @wolfsmom1 @procrastinatinglikeabitch @mizfit2 @shxdowofdarkness @nonsensicalobsessions @ahintofkiwistrawberry @jessiejunebug @rorybutnotgilmore @crystalizedcaramel @lokislittlecorner @scrumptious-finicky-illusion @capcapcapsicle @jamielea81 @caffiend-queen @thenatalie @sammy-jo1977 @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @is-it-madness @jenjen8675309 @alexakeyloveloki @poetic-fiasco​

[buckysrighthanddoll]

Bad Guy

Pairing: Loki x enhanced!Reader

Warnings: swearing, drinking, fluff, a lil angst, and some of the team realizing that Loki isn’t as bad as they thought he was

When you were left to babysit the God of Mischief, you weren’t phased in the slightest. Sure, there were some nerves involved; Loki was the self-proclaimed bad guy. He was the cause for countless deaths in the Battle of New York, he seemed to have minimal morals, and he had a particular distaste for humanity.

Thor brought him to earth--or Midgard, as they called it--so that Loki couldn’t wreak havoc on Asgard. He thought that his brother could use a fresh start. Loki claimed that he was sick of vying for more extraordinary things, which you believed was bullshit. This was Loki--his entire life was nothing but lies and tricks.

But, nevertheless, Tony agreed to keep him holed up in the tower. Loki was never to be alone, but that spelled bad news for anybody who wasn’t busy. More specifically, you; you weren’t the newest to the team, but you were the most humane Avenger who also had a lot of free time. You showed compassion beyond the other members, and therefore were a perfect fit for the job.

Loki mainly kept to himself. He was always in his room, but occasionally he snuck off to different areas of the compound. He always told someone beforehand, which made the team feel better, but the cameras were always kept trained on him.

The first time you were introduced to Loki, your enhanced eyes picked up on his aura. It was a dark indigo color, not too bright and not too dull. You sensed isolation and a looming sense of self-hatred. This was the first reason you took a liking to the prince. The indigo hue also meant that he was hyperaware of people’s intentions, especially the unspoken ones.

And the first time you watched over Loki, you sat in the living room with him and turned on some music while he read and you wrote. He hardly said a word, although you caught him staring at you occasionally. He would just smirk a little and look back down to his book, and you would furrow your eyebrows and continue writing.

You weren’t intimidated by Loki. No, you weren’t as powerful as him, but you could see things that others couldn’t. Auras were the easy part, but you also felt a person’s emotions (no matter how well they were hiding them), and you could sometimes hear a person’s thoughts and see their dreams.

At first, Loki saw you as weak and naive. How else could somebody be so open to dealing with him?

The next several times you watched over Loki, you found yourself getting more attached to him. The conversations weren’t deep, but they left your mind reeling. His head was hard to get into, but you still tried.

One night, Tony said to take over Sam’s shift while he went to a mission debriefing. You weren’t feeling well on a mental level, yet you agreed.

You got to Loki’s door and let Sam go, and then you knocked. Loki opened the door with a smug smirk, but it was quickly wiped away when he saw how you looked. Sweatpants and a hoodie weren’t exactly a rarity for you, but your eyes were red, and you had dark circles and messier-than-normal hair.

His eyebrows furrowed as he shifts his weight. “Can we just go lay outside or something?”

“Of course, love,” Loki responded. If you weren’t so preoccupied with dark thoughts, you’d have questioned the pet name. Loki snaps his fingers, and suddenly he’s out of his black suit and in a pair of grey sweatpants and a t-shirt.

He walked beside you to the roof, where the stars were shining as brightly as they could within New York’s light pollution. Loki remained silent as you laid your back against the cold concrete, and then he followed your actions.

“I’m sorry this isn’t our normal babysitting routine,” You said, laughing drily.

“Don’t apologize; this is quite relaxing,” He responded. You turned your head to face him, only to find that he was already looking at you. “Do you do this often? Look at the stars, I mean?”

“Only when I need perspective,” You shrugged.

“How so?”

You turned your head toward the sky, admiring the twinkling lights. “It’s easy to see the night sky as two-dimensional. It looks like someone covered the earth with a black piece of paper and poked holes in it to let the light through. But each one of those stars is millions of lightyears away. Billions, even. Humans could never even hope to travel to one of them or the solar systems that orbit.” You point out one of the stars--not that it mattered which one. “That star right there doesn’t give two shits about our problems. We are as indistinguishable to them as ants are to us. Sometimes I feel like the world is falling apart, but then I come up here, and I remember that the universe was fine without humans--and it will be fine without us once we go extinct.”

“You speak so beautifully,” Loki starts, sighing as he turns onto his side. “Your mind must be a terribly dark place.”

A scoff erupts from you, and then you’re looking at the god. “Am I that easy to read?”

“Not at all,” Loki says. “You’re always wearing a mask around the team--around me. But this is unadulterated emotion. It’s quite admirable.”

You didn’t notice it until now, but his aura has shifted. It was still a deep indigo blue, but it seemed as though his walls were let down. His emotions were more apparent than they had ever been, and his thoughts nearly screamed at you. He thought about your strength and resilience--how you’ve fought through more shit than many could handle. Yet, here you were, breathing and having philosophical conversations with a god from another world.

“You know,” You start, sitting up. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

“And you don’t see it?”

“I see what’s inside. I see so much self-hatred that you’ve turned yourself into the monster others believed you were.” A short pause ensues as you allow Loki to interpret what you’re saying. “You’re not a monster, Loki.”

“I’ve killed thousands of people. I’m the prophetical cause of Ragnarok. I’m--”

“A misunderstood being who found that his whole life was a lie, and therefore became what others said you were. That’s not a monster. That’s a mask.”

“You’ve been in my mind, haven’t you?” He smirked.

You laid back down, shoulder to shoulder with the man beside you. “Only just now. Your walls are damn near impenetrable.”

“Good,” He quips jokingly. Silence falls between you, and all you can hear is the traffic from the city that never sleeps. You both resume staring at the stars until you’ve fallen asleep, and Loki carries you inside.

As Loki exits the elevator, Steve is scared to see you limp in Loki’s arms. Nat is on the defense until she sees that you didn’t pass out or die--you were leaning into Loki, an arm propped against his chest and your head in the crook of his neck.

“Loki what the--”

“Shh,” Loki interjects, making Steve even more upset. Natasha places a hand on his shoulder as a warning to calm down, and the three of them witness you stir a bit in your slumber and bury yourself deeper into Loki’s grasp. “She fell asleep on the rooftop; I’m just putting her in her bed.”

Steve fails to find words as Loki quietly walks down the hallway to your room. Once he gets Friday to let him in, he sets you on the bed. You wake up momentarily, only to ask him to stay with you for a bit. He supposed twenty minutes wouldn’t hurt, so he crawled under the sheets and laid next to you.

The instant you felt Loki’s coolness, you cuddled right into him. Your head rested on his chest, and your arm went around his torso to hold him tighter. What Loki didn’t expect was how warm this made him feel. He rests his arm around you and brings you in even closer. The twenty minutes he had planned on spending with you turned into an overnight stay; he fell asleep with you in his arms.

From then on, you were the only one to watch Loki when the team needed it. You were kind of bummed out that you were taken off missions, but the serenity of watching him made it okay. You watched movies together, stayed in your rooms and talked for hours on end, cooked together, and took naps together.

You hated to say it, but you were falling for Loki. He was respectful, and he was slowly (but surely) growing to tolerate humans and treat them as if they weren’t beneath him.

Tony had announced he would be throwing a party for Natasha’s birthday. He was going all-out and using the entire party deck--four floors included. You showed up late due to a doctor’s appointment earlier on, so the party was lively, and everybody was intoxicated.

You had on a little black dress, and you put effort into your hair and makeup. This was Nat’s birthday, after all, and you respected her a lot. You stayed by the bar area when you arrived to catch up to everybody else’s level of inebriation.

Loki found you less than ten minutes later. There was a clear connection between the two of you, to the point that you had considered that he was listening for your thoughts. “You look amazing, love,” He said, taking a seat next to you.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” You quipped, watching as the bartender placed five shots on the bar for you.

“Those for some friends?”

“No, they’re for me,” You responded, taking one after another. “I gotta catch up to the crowd.”

Loki chuckles, but then it drops when he sees the liquor cascading down your throat as if it’s water. “Dear, perhaps you should pace yourself.”

You shrugged and ordered a few more shots, and then a mixed drink to sip on. “I’ll be fine, Loki,” You started. You picked up the cup and chugged it back, going against the initial plan of taking it slow. Within minutes, you’re feeling the alcohol’s effects. Your mind goes fuzzy, as do your senses, and the world around you feels lighter. You decided to stop at this level for now since everything was pleasant. The loud music enticed you, and as you looked around, you saw Natasha dancing with Wanda. “And that is my cue,” You smiled, standing up. You wobbled slightly, but quickly caught yourself and briskly walked over to your teammates.

“Took you long enough,” Wanda laughed as you started dancing with them. Little conversation followed that, mostly dancing and singing to the songs.

A slower song came on, and the three of you groaned as you stepped away from the dancing crowd. Natasha and Wanda’s faces hardened as they looked just past you, which immediately told you that Loki was approaching. You turned around as he got next to you, holding out his hand.

“Would you do me the honor of sharing a dance with me?” He asked, his tone as elegant as ever. You smiled and nodded, grabbing on to his cold hand and letting him lead you a few feet over to the crowd’s edge. One of his hands settle at your waist, and yours goes to rest on his chest. He holds your other hand, and then the two of you are swaying to the beat. “They don’t like me, do they?” He asked.

You give a small smile. “It’s less that they don’t like you, and more that they don’t like you with me.”

“Well, I can’t say I blame them.”

“Why’s that?” You asked. Your eyebrows turn up slightly as you gaze up to him. Loki can’t help but think that you looked more beautiful than any goddess he had ever met.

“I’m the bad guy, remember?”

“That’s what people want you to be,” You remind him. He extends his arm to twirl you and then pull you close to him--chest to chest, face to face. “You aren’t a bad person. You put up a wall so that people can’t get close to you. When will you let them down, Loki?”

Loki looks like an angel with the aura surrounding him. It changed right in front of your eyes. Where it was once dark indigo, now it was a clear and bright red. It meant that he could overcome any obstacle and sincerely wanted to change his life for the better. It nearly took your breath away.

“Perhaps now would be a good time,” He whispered. His eyes danced from your eyes to your lips, giving a physical hint to something that you knew just from reading his thoughts. He leans down slightly to gauge your reaction; he finds you also leaning in slowly. Your lips meet somewhere in the middle, and you can just feel the energy that surrounded you both.

His lips, like the rest of his body, were cool to the touch. Yet, they welcomed the heat of your body, like two opposite ends of a magnet meeting. You slowed to a stop in your dance, focusing on the euphoria that a simple kiss brought you. Loki cups your cheek to pull you even closer. The kiss feels like it lasts years, but it was only a few seconds. Your eyes flutter open as you pull away, and a smile spreads across your face.

Nat and Wanda watch with dropped jaws from ten feet away. “I’m gonna kill him,” Wanda states.

“No, Wanda, look at her,” Nat says, directing her friend’s attention to you. “She’s smiling--she’s happy.”

“Maybe she’s faking it.”

“She isn’t faking it,” Natasha responds. “The look in her eyes gives it away. She loves him.” She adjusts her stance and focuses on Loki. “And look at Loki’s face. It has genuine emotion. It isn’t stoic; it isn’t sarcastic--he’s letting her in.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. Why didn’t she tell us?”

“She knows that nobody else trusts him.”

You could hear the conversation despite their hushed words. It was one of the perks of your enhancements. Loki could hear their thoughts, too, which caused him to smile even more. “Would you like to go to bed?” Loki asks you. You nod your head and let him lead you away from the party, into the elevator, and down to the residence levels.

You take off your makeup and change into comfortable clothes, and Loki does the same. It was routine now to hop into the bed together and immediately hold each other. This time, though, when the movie is turned on, neither of you focus on the plot. You’re too wrapped up in each other, kissing whenever one of you felt like it, talking here and there, and just being absorbed into each other’s consciousness.

Loki was the proverbial bad guy. He had done horrible things in his past, and he had turned himself into a monster because his father had told him he was one. But Loki wasn’t bad at all; he was misunderstood, yes, but not evil. This was a man that you could spend all of your days with, and who wouldn’t drain you. He was not a monster. He could never be a monster.

[agustdiv1ne]

thank you + milestone!!

damn, never thought we'd get here, did we?

in all honesty, it's been a pretty shit year. march 'til now has felt like the same month on repeat with tiny tweaks to make it all so much worse. but i'm not here to complain about the worst parts of this year, i'm here to celebrate the best ones.

this was the year that i finally started writing, that i was finally spurred to open a google doc and just type away until a tiny work of fiction stared back at me. my first one was 1k words, a rant to get all of my emotions off of my chest with an idol as my muse. it felt...great, though it also felt a bit odd writing after being an avid reader for years. i always did prefer essays to creative writing, but this year definitely changed that perspective.

i wrote that first blurb along with another fic in late july, and in early august, i asked my friends if i should post them. om august 3rd, i changed this blog from a fic rec to a fic writing blog just like that. i regret none of it.

it's been nearly five months since i revamped this blog and i couldn't be more grateful for the support i have gotten from all of you, whether it be a kind comment, a like, a reblog, all of it. i never thought anyone would like my content, but i've been proven severely wrong by this community. from my irls that are on here, to my lovely mutuals and followers, to those i've talked to a lil bit on this hellsite, to the writers whose fics i absolutely adore, to those who have left a like or a comment on one of my fics, i want to say thank you from the very bottom of my heart ♡

have a happy and healthy new year! i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

though i'm painfully bad at writing letters and getting all sappy, i wanted to write them anyways hahaha let's goooo

to @hwaddict:

my irl best friend!! my partner in crime!!!! i love you sm carly, and there are not enough words in this world for me to describe the extent of my love. you have been there for me during my lowest moments, you've seen me cry, and i don't cry in front of many ppl. i trust you with my life and i'm so glad that we became friends back in middle school bc you are one reasons that spur me to keep going. i can't wait to see where life takes us and know that while i might not always be able to be there physically (especially with college right around the corner), i will always be there for you in any way i can be. again i love you and i can't wait to conquer next year with you ♡♡

to @hopejanaee:

hope!! hobi!!! one of my irls! though we just became friends earlier this year, it feels like we've been friends for ages. it's crazy how close we grew so quickly but i am so grateful to have you in my life. you never fail to make me laugh whenever we're together and you're so chaotic but in such a good way hahaha. you were the one who got me into writing with your own wonderful fics so thank yoi for that. i'm so happy that we became friends because you're so kind and caring and ahhhhhh i love u sm ♡

to @oikawasmilkbread:

we talked for like 0.2 seconds but you are so kind and hella cool!! it was nice having random conversations with you and i'm so glad you randomly dmed me bc i am shy and i have 0 idea how to start conversations with anyone lmao. i always smile when i see you in my notifs! i hope you have a happy new year!!! ♡

to @luthenia:

i know you're on hiatus but seeing you in my notifs always excites me hahaha. we never talk but you are so supportive of everyone in this community and i just wanted to shout you out for that! your memes are top tier LMAO and i can't wait for when you come back, happy new year ♡

to @starsforten:

we also talked for approximately 1 second but it was so fun talking to you about astrology stuff (virgo sun libra rising gang hahahaha) and those teuta matoshi dresses! you are so nice and easy to talk to and i hope your new year is happy and fruitful! ♡

i recommend every single one of these blogs for their amazing content!! i added some of my favorite fics as i'm a whore for great writing hahaaaa

@kinktae

waterloo — a masterpiece! taehyung is so bitter at the beginning and it's adorable seeing how y/n breaks his tough shell. loved this from beginning to the end ♡

hot rod — the 50s slang, the dynamic between hoseok and y/n...*chef's kiss*

@untaemedqueen

welcome to seoul land — werewolf!namjoon really got me going, 100/10 would recommend

graceful gods — this is one of my all-time favorites, greek god!jungkook has my brain going brrrr

@shadowsremedy + @therealmintedmango

support system — adorable!! this is a hybrid!yoongi fic i really enjoy, and the series isn't over yet! check it out~

@bratkook

tear you apart — demon!taehyung...holy shit. i was speechless

@tatertotthethot

the doms next door — THIS SERIES OMG, i've read each part at least five times already. taekook got me acting UP

scream (posted to @yandere-society) — a really cool take on the movie scream with jungkook, yandere fics don't always appeal to me but this one absolutely did

@ateezmakemeweep

broken — the immense ache i felt in my chest while reading this, but i loved both parts with a burning passion. san is so sweet in this :')

@atinybrew

dirty free for all — the ULTIMATE demon!san fic. the writing is absolutely immaculate and this is the first fic that had me blushing down my mf ARMS

rice milk lattes and bryophytes roads — another san fic admittedly because i'm whipped for san lol. anyways, this was cute and hot at the same time and best friend!yunho made my double biasing ass that much happier

@seacottons

pan — an adorable peter pan!hongjoong fic, it had my heart going achhfhsjfjsjf

sir kiss me — circus au with san holy hell i loved every twist and turn of this

@actuallythatwaspromise

bad romance — one of my favorite yunho fics ever, punk rock!yunho x nerd!reader has my entire heart

aurora garden center and desire ink — florist!mingi had me uwuing for the entire fic, this was adorable and i loved it sm

@yeonjuncore

every single fic on this blog is an absolute masterpiece, i swear

the devil's little angel — THIS IS ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVORITES, demon!yeonjun had me screaming and it was just so fun to read and i loved every single second of it so much that i've read it nearly ten times now. so go read it, you won't regret it!

the boy with the horns — another of my ultimate favorites (i told you, their writing is just that amazing), woodland fey!soobin just had me going so soft :(( i literally sobbed at one point, that's how invested i was

bleeding heart — the tension between vampire!yeonjun and vampire slayer!reader had me screeching

curtain call — i have a sad crush vampire!soobin

i love you, always — this felt so..bittersweet? taehyun loves y/n so much, i lowkey cried while reading this

@angelfic

the art of (mis)communication — i am a whore for both reconciliation and yeonjun, 100000/10 pls read this i beg of you

@angelictaehyun

growing pains — ahhh once again a yeonjun fic, my chest hurt a lil bit at some points but it was so sweet!!

@neovisioned

bed of spiderwebs — spiderman!mark has my heart screeching, i loved every second of it ♡

eddie ate dynamite — johnny suh coming for my throat yet again

cupid victorious — cupid!jaehyun :'))) definitely one of my favorites!!

@domjaehyun

quarantine chronicles — ok if you haven't read this or the part two yet then you're missing out big time!! the tension, the buildup, every single part of this fic was just *chef's kiss* but multiply thay by a million

all these years — every single moment of this felt so nostalgic and the ending was so sweet :')

@caiuscassiuss

muse — i keep going back to this one constantly, the angst in this phenomenal and i love artist!taeyong sm here

@neoct-zen

loverboy — HOT, AMAZING, I SCREAMED. the blurbs that accompany this are also top-tier i recommend reading each and every one!!

@moondustis

pink + white — i'm so soft for mark i stg, this was the cutest thing ever

@loviejaehyun

can't avoid this feeling — hockey player!mark is the best thing ever

all tied up — i just- screamed as i read this bc professor!jaehyun is too hot goodbye

@hopejanaee

incapable — this is one of the best yoongi fics i've ever read ngl, it's not completed quite yet but the parts that have been posted are top tier!!

breathless — THIS. I LOVED THIS. yuta is just so hfjshhfhshfnsn and i love this sm

@hwaddict

melting point — big boy mingiiii, 100/10 would recommend

@okayau

house next to mine — frat boy!yeonjun rly got me going, cute and hot at the same time ahhhhbfnsnnf

youth — ADORABLE, yeonjun's confession is peak i love it here

run away — how many yeonjun fics can i fit in this post? (answer: a lot) definitely one of my favorite harry potter aus!! it was awesome seeing how their relationship changed throughout the years and perhaps i teared up a little at the end :'))

@starrychannies

baby steps — ONE OF ALL-TIME MY FAVORITE FICS ON THIS SITE, every single part is so well-written and ahhhhhfhdhhf chan makes me feel some type of way

my stupid — another yeonjun fic! angsty but v cute at the end :')

@baekhvuns

this youth of craziness — 40k words of pure gold, this fic is absolutely one of my favorite san fics ever!!

replacement — prince!ten makes my brain go brrrr, i love how the y/n just speaks her mind here

@masterninjacow

untitled project — i saw soulmate au with mark and i knew would already love it, and i did! pizza boy!mark at that, amazing and i adored it

more amazing blogs!!: @galaxteez, @poutybinz, @lustjoong, @bloominghigh

these are just a few of the fics and blogs i found this year, find more on my fic rec blog @agustdiv1ne-recs!! (my thumbs are starting to hurt i'm so sorry bfjshfhsh)

wrapping up each month since august since that's when i actually started posting LMAO

☆ august

03: good enough — chan

03: bloodsucker — seonghwa

04: cutie — san

09: veloxrotaphobia — mingi

19: want — changbin

21: numb — yunho

100 follower special — i reached 100 followers towards the end of august, my first ever milestone :') also my first ever time taking requests, 'twas very fun ♡

☆ september

03: on camera — jungkook

☆ october

27: oh, worm? — namjoon

31: demon days — san

☆ november

10: a letter to my love — xiaojun

23: bad for u — jaehyun

27: home sweet home — yeonjun

☆ december

christmas bash 2020 — my brain went hey what if you did this- and i listened so here's 17 holiday fics hahahaa (not all of them are out yet but i'm working on it!!)

things i plan to release in 2021!!

☆ sunflower — jimin

☆ cross — yeonjun

☆ landslide — seonghwa

☆ nice save — san

☆ red — hyunjin

☆ a secret series (that will be revealed once i plan everything) — ateez

☆ 4 unrelated secret fics oOoOoo — will i reveal them? you'll just have to wait and see ;)

there will definitely be more posted! these are the ones that are going to be my priority at first, but my imagination is always churning so expect a lot more :)) check out all of non-secret wips here!

i hit 500 followers a couple days ago! i nearly screamed when i saw that LMAO. thank you so much for liking my content because i work hella hard on it :') sometimes i feel like i don't deserve y'all really, but @hwaddict will yell at me if i say that so ig i take it back hfhshhdhg

a post for celebrating this milestone will come as soon as i finish up the rest of my christmas fics!! sorry that i'm so slow :( (hint: my requests will be open, so look out for it!)

so yeah!! that's it, sorry for the painfully long post (i'm sorry to my thumbs for typing this whole thing out </3). thank you to everyone who read this far!! i hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year, and in the words of txt's cover, fuck 2020. may 2021 be a much better year for all of us!!!

much love,

ashlee ♡

[livefordrama]

Reviewing Dramas I Have Watched Part 6

It’s been a while; I haven’t been able to watch a lot between school and just life. Not to mention the time I do have is spent doing buddy watches of kdramas I have already seen with my friends and family (On teleparty of course.) Again, here is my rating system:  1- Did not like, 2- Enjoyed but probably wouldn’t watch again, 3- Enjoyed and would watch some episodes again (or for movies may watch again), 4- Enjoyed and would watch again, 5- Loved

Korean Drama

Melting Me Softly: 3/5

Melting Me Softly is about a guy and s girl who get cryogenically frozen for an experiment for what was meant to be only a day. Unfortunately, something happens, and the 24-hour experiment turns into 20 years. Now they have to deal with the changes of not only their family and friends but the world and society as a whole all while trying to uncover the darker secrets behind the experiments.

I gave this a 3 because while the earlier and later episodes were amazing and hilarious, the episodes in the middle of the season bored me. I am not much of a romance person unless it is either subtle or played out a specific way and the romance in this wasn’t my personal cup of tea so it just got boring for me. On its good episodes though, it was funny, sad, and cute. I really did like the dynamic between the two main characters and the romance is pretty good, just a little slower in the middle of the series. The relationships with the family members of the two were so cute and so sad, I loved the all the scenes where the mains got to interact with their families. I did feel awkward and weird about the second-lead, I’m not sure if he counts as a second lead but for lack of a better term that’s what I’m calling him. I love Choi Bo-Min as an actor, and it had nothing to do with his acting, just the whole situation was uncomfortable to me. That other guy who doesn’t even deserve to be the second-lead, if you watch it you know, the stalker one, I despise that man. Not once during the entire show did I like one of his scenes. That could be why I didn’t enjoy the middle scenes as much cause he found a way to worm his way into almost every scene and I would get so annoyed with him. This show does have its good points and bad points, so I would recommend it for those who like romance with a little bit of suspense and humor.

Welcome to Waikiki (season 1): 3/5

Welcome to Waikiki is about a group of friends who own and attempt to run a guesthouse together. When they find a baby left behind in one of their rooms, they have to find out how to take care of her and find her mother. This becomes even more complicated when the mother returns in tears saying she had no where else to go and didn’t want her baby to suffer. After hearing about her troubles, they decide to take the two in, in exchange for help working at the guesthouse. It follows the group and mother as they try to figure out how to take care of a baby, save their failing guesthouse, and achieve their own dreams, all while falling in love.

This show was hilarious, I watched it because everyone was talking about how funny it was and I agree. I especially love how it focused on all the characters instead of picking just one or two and focusing on them. I love when shows really work on all their characters and this show played it out so well. Not one was neglected and I didn’t feel like any of them were underdeveloped by the end, and Sol was super cute! I loved every single one of her scenes, she was so funny and sassy and I know she is just a baby but she is amazing. I watched some episodes on the tv and my sisters even made comments on how cute she was when they looked up at the TV, even though they didn’t watch it. I enjoyed the ending and how it all played out and tied together nicely. 

It was a delight for the first two thirds of the season. However, yet again that romance hit and the humor kinda dissipated to be replaced by the romance for a good few episodes. While it was admittedly cute, and I adored the romance scenes in the last few episodes, most romance scenes gave me such second-hand embarrassment I had to pause the show for a while and gain the courage to restart it. I did enjoy it but would probably only ever rewatch the first two thirds and maybe the last two or so episodes. It reminds me of Love With Flaws in the second-hand embarrassment romance scenes, so if you enjoyed that show, definitely give this one a chance. If you like romance, humor, and can handle the second-hand embarrassment stuff I highly recommend this one! It’s super cute and hilarious!

Missing Nine: 5/5                                

Trigger Warning: Plane crash, Blood, Injuries, Suicide attempts, Murder

Missing Nine is about a girl who gets hired as a stylist for an arrogant and cold idol. On her first day, the plane they are all riding on to an event crashes on a vacant island. Only nine of them survive the crash and must now fight to survive and be found all while struggling with the betrayal of one of their friends who began to murder them one by one.

I really enjoyed this one, it was my perfect type of show; angst, suspense, subtle romance, crime, found family. The only issue I had with it was the unrealistic ending, I just don’t understand how it is possible and don’t know how I even personally feel about it. I am also probably one of the very few people who didn’t watch it for Chanyeol, don’t get me wrong I am an Exol too, but like really new Exol. You can skip this parenthesis if you want, it’s a kpop tangent. (I am a huge multistan. I love all the kpop groups I have listened to so far and have all the dalcomsoft games minus Gfriend even though I love them, cause I feel like it’s going to be a BTS superstar and get deleted so it’s not worth my time or efforts. Feel free to talk to me about any group and any member. If I don’t know them, I would be happy to find new ones so even if they are not well known or new, don’t feel worried about squealing to me about them, I would love to make kpop/kdrama loving friends.) I watched for Jung Kyung-ho and only when I started did I see Chanyeol which was cool to find. This also means POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT I wasn’t disappointed or biased after a certain episode like many of the people I saw raging in the Tvtime comments, not saying this in a bad way just stating that since I am neutral on certain events, I will be focusing on specifically the plot and how I felt about said plot versus how I feel about characters. SPOILER ALERT OVER

Overall I really loved this show, it was certainly an emotional roller coaster. I felt that it could have had a second season or a spin off to tie up that last little cliffhanger but I personally and satisfied with how the main issue wrapped up, other than that one weird ending scene. If you like angst, suspense, crime, and a little romance seen in an enemies to lover type of trope then I highly recommend this show. I gave it a 5 cause I personally loved it and am already planning on rewatching it with my friend. It does have a lot of blood and injuries so if you are sensitive to that, I wouldn’t recommend it to you. 

Because this is my first life: 5/5

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault, Attempted R@pe (but it didn’t get far at all, just be careful)

Because this is my first life is about a woman (Ji-ho) who has to find a new place to live as her brother is getting married and her parents gave the son the apartment that they had bought for both their children. Because of many misunderstandings and coincidences, she accidentally rents a new apartment with a very strict and stoic man (Se-hee). Due to more problems, the two come to an agreement that they should get married since they both can gain something from it. The woman gains a place to stay and the man gains a tenant to help pay the bills, no more, no less.

Okay, so while I said that I didn’t like romance this is the exception, much like Shopping King Louie, it was just a really cute slow burn that I thoroughly enjoyed watching. Many people in the fandom, on TV time at least, were giving Se-hee a hard time and saying he was using and manipulating Ji-ho but I didn’t see it that way. She consented and never voiced anything other than that and the deal was for her to stay in the apartment since she needed a place to live and he needed someone to help pay bills. He didn’t ask for anything more, she was already following his schedule before the marriage issue and was just fine and accepting when they decided to get married. Neither had any expectations of falling in love, they just both needed something that marriage would help them gain and both consented to it. Later on, Se-hee even asked her if any advances were okay and backed off when they weren’t with no questions asked which I find admirable. Okay, rant over. It was cute and at times annoying cause you just want them to get together already. I laughed so hard in so many episodes and cried in a few too. The cat was so adorable and I love the interactions the main’s had with the little fluff. The best, and sometimes most painful, bonding moments between the main’s were the ones that dealt with the cat. I wasn’t too fond of the love triangle but was pleased with how it actually played out with the two women actually accepting each others presence instead of being horrible to each other for the most part. Highly recommend it to any romance lovers, and especially to those who are fans of shows like Shopping King Louie as mentioned above.

Flower boy next door: 3/5

Trigger Warning: Stalking, Panic Attacks, Sensory overload, Bullying, Teacher Crushes and Manipulation of Such

Flower boy next door follows Dok-mi, a young woman with crippling social anxiety to the point she never leaves her apartment. From her window she watches her across the street male neighbor every day, taking note of his entire schedule. This all comes back to bite her when her neighbor’s brother comes to visit from Spain and catches her. What starts as an attempt to make her stop stalking her brother, quickly progresses into a mission to help her overcome her past, anxiety, and to get out of the house and adapt back to a healthy social life. As this mission goes on the two begins to realize they have feelings for each other, but Dok-mi’s own next-door neighbor has his own mission of getting her to stay inside and fall in love with him. He has been writing a web comic about her being a modern Rapunzel and has been in love with her for many years.

I enjoyed this one, I watched it cause the actor from Psychopath Diary starred in it and it was really cute. The romance was adorable, and the whole telepathy thing was a great addition that made me laugh. I love the whole adorable dork male with quiet cold girl trope so much. I didn’t like the whole stalking situation very much, it’s just kinda weird and was something that made me really uncomfortable during the first few episodes. I wasn’t a huge fan of the next-door neighbor, he just seemed like an enabler to me and I found myself angry through most of his scenes, as well as through most of Dok-mi’s childhood friend’s scenes. Other than those two characters, I enjoyed it well enough. I know some people can get annoyed by each characters flaws but I usually am good with morally grey characters as long as they learn from their mistakes. Some did in this show and there was a lot of character development and some didn’t which is realistic but makes me kind of sad. I recommend it to people who like a cute romance show with some angst and don’t mind morally grey characters.

Web-drama/Mini-series

Ghost Vros: 4/5

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Death, Some gore, Jump scares.

Ghost Vros follows two young men who are trying to start up a business where they hunt ghosts using virtual reality software. The main character is able to sense the ghost through his ears turning red and his friend programs the virtual realty to make sure the main has everything he needs to catch the ghosts.

I liked this one, it was fast like many web dramas are, but really interesting. I did attempt to translate it myself with my, admittedly little, Korean knowledge before finding the English subs (which you won’t be able to find now that Youtube has rudely removed community subs, unless it’s uploaded somewhere else. If someone finds it please let me know.) I was always engaged during the show and wasn’t bored at any point. It did have some confusing points and I wish we got more backstory as there was mentions of some interesting things that was never explored further, but it is a web drama, so that is more than likely too much to ask for. Recommend to anyone who enjoys a quick comedy ghost story.

 Cats Taste and Cat Bartender: 5/5

Cat’s Taste and Cat Bartender follow three cat gods who run a bar at night to make money for their injured owner. At this bar, they give upset humans cocktails which enable them to either posses said human or go into a dream world, this isn’t really clear, and correct the issue in exchange for items the cats find interesting on top of the alcohol cost.

This show was so cute, I absolutely loved and couldn’t stop smiling. I got the first season, Cat’s Taste, on my youtube recommend and decided to watch it since I was bored. I am so glad I did, I got super excited when I saw that there is a second season as well and spent forever trying to hunt it down before a kind person on MyDramaList put a link to the English subs in a comment (if anyone needs it, I will be happy to send it.) Both seasons were amazing, and I am hoping for a season three as the ending looks like it might be set up for one. The way they showed the bartending moves was so pretty and satisfying and I liked how all three cats got to show their moves instead of just the one.  I don’t like alcohol, have tried many kinds many times to but just don’t, however this show makes me want to drink the mixed drinks even though I know I would hate the taste.

Also, is it just me or does Ms. Hana remind anyone of Johnny from NCT? I don’t know if she looks like him or what, sometimes someone reminds me of someone else and the two look nothing alike. Don’t know what that’s all about but let me know because I could not shake the feeling that she reminded me of Mr. Johnny from Chicago. Anyway, tangent aside, I highly recommend to someone who like a quick but cute drama.

Korean Movies

Beautiful Vampire: 3/5

Beautiful Vampire is about a female vampire who tries to avoid people due to her nature, but has all that shattered when she runs into her landlady’s son one night and begins to fall in love.

This movie was pretty good, but a little confusing. I couldn’t even write a proper plot explanation cause I was just so confused. I honestly felt like a fever dream, though a relatively interesting fever dream. I wish we had more information and backstory cause it just kinda felt like a rollercoaster ride of pining. It ended okay; I mean I was bored at the time, so it was something to do. If I am bored in the future, I might watch it again. I agree with most on TvTime when they say, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good, it was just something to do. I feel like the story line needed more work done and that it ended too fast and progressed in such a way that it was hard to follow. If you are bored or have nothing to do, give it a try, you might like it more than I did.

Chinese Drama

Take My Brother Away: 3/5

Trigger Warning: Alcohol Abuse

Take My Brother Away is based on a web comic about two siblings living with their alcoholic, debtor father in China, after their mom filed for a divorce and left. It follows the two as they go to school, work, and try to live a normal life. The sister hates her brother for being lazy and not being able to help her get what she wants, and the brother gets annoyed at the sister for always getting violent with him and nagging him.

I loved this one, it was really interesting to see the dynamic between the family. I felt that the brother should have been given more credit in the beginning for all he does for his sister and I felt really sorry for the sister because she just wanted to be like the other students who could afford to read web comics or go on trips. Some episodes were hilarious, some were heartbreaking, some were admittedly annoying, some gave me secondhand embarrassment. I just love it all, the only reason I give it a three is because I wouldn’t watch all 50 episodes again, I loved it but some were more on the boring side like filler episodes and I just, don’t think I’ll ever watch the whole series again. I can defiantly say however, I will probably watch most of the episodes again. I enjoyed the ending though it was admittedly on the strange side, and felt it was wrapped up nicely. There was a lot of character development too which is always great. I recommend this to those who enjoy some dysfunctional family humor and some angst and who are able to commit to long seasons.

 Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

[bopbopstyles]

6. Heartbeat

SERIES RATING: M (sex)

CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 9.8k

MASTERLIST | INSPO TAG | ASK TO JOIN THE TAGLIST

Y/N promised herself she would never date a musician. It was her one rule–her only rule, actually–when it came to dating. But then, Harry Styles rolled into her life and asked her to break it, just this once. And this is what happened.

a/n: welcome to the land of harry as a father aka the place of my death, i hope you enjoy your stay!

pls reblog to spread the word about only exception! 🥰

Y/N had told Harry she’d pick him up from the airport, but now that she was parking in the arrivals lot, she was wondering if that was the wrong choice. She’d managed to keep her news a secret since she had found out, not wanting to tell Harry over the phone when he was halfway across the world, but it had been horrible. They had never kept secrets from each other, at least, not ones like this, and it was eating away at Y/N from the inside. She didn’t even know how she was going to tell him yet. There were speeches she had practiced, about how it wasn’t necessary for him to be around if he wasn’t interested, that she would do it on her own—but she didn’t know if she wanted to do it on her own? None of them had felt right though, and all of them had ended with her in a pile of tears on her bedroom floor. Her hormones were out of control lately, emotions on a rollercoaster that she was permanently strapped in for.

But she had promised Harry, and despite her fears of telling him her news, she was truly excited to see him. It had been over a month and a half and she was desperate to see his face in person, to touch his body and confirm that yes, he was in fact, real. So she got a move on, not wanting to make Harry wait for her and risk being sighted in the airport.

She bounced up and down on her toes in the arrivals hall, keys jingling in her hand as she waited to see him. He’d probably have sunglasses and a hoodie on, a few suitcases rolling behind him that she’d have to somehow find space for in her trunk. The prospect of him turning the corner had her heart leaping in her chest.

And then there he was, a black hoodie and black sunglasses, two suitcases pulled behind him, curls peeking out from the edge of his hoodie. No one seemed to have caught on as to who he was, so Y/N went for it—she did what she had always wanted people to do when she arrived places. She ran through the arrivals hall, launching herself at Harry.

His eyes met hers when she was a few paces away and his face lit up, lips turning up in a smile, dropping both of his suitcases and opening his arms for her to fly into. Which she did, full throttle, tossing herself into his arms, chuckling at the way he staggered back dramatically. Their faces met immediately, lips on one another for an innocent kiss, desperation too much for the moment.

“Hi,” he said when they pulled away, eyes glinting under the florescents. “What a nice surprise.”

“Thought I’d give it a shot,” she replied, hopping down and taking one of his suitcases from his hand. “Have a good flight?”

Intertwining his fingers with hers, they walked through the arrivals hall. People may have recognized him, but maybe out of kindness they stayed away, perhaps noticing the two young lovers caught up in one another. “Long, but I slept most of the way. Wanted to be all rested up for my girl,” he said with a wink.

Y/N gave him a playful bump with her hip and led him to her car in the arrivals lot, listening to him jabber about the other passengers in first class and how terrible the food was. He was ready for a home cooked meal, he told her, one that he had prepared, and Y/N was fully prepared for that reality, having already gone to the grocery store earlier that day.

They managed to squeeze his suitcases into her trunk and she took the wheel, letting him put on some music as she pulled out of the spot and navigated traffic out of the airport. “Feeling any better?” His question was innocent enough, but for Y/N it set off alarm bells in her head. Had he found out somehow? And then the underlying question that had been keeping her up at night since she had found out: what would he say?

“Bit,” she told him. “What do you want to do now that you’re home?” She asked, quickly turning the topic of conversation back to him, but he didn’t notice. He just yammered on about wanting to go for some hikes, go to their favorite restaurants, spend time with her catching up on the movies he had missed. Jeff was mentioned, the idea of having some friends over, and the prospect of having Jeff anywhere near them right now was an anxiety attack that Y/N had managed to hold off and was perfectly ready not to have anytime soon.

The topic switched to music, which Y/N was perfectly happy with, and she played him the Phoebe Bridgers album that she’d recently discovered. He gave her his analysis, unpacking her favorite songs in the car. Then he shared his new favorite songs, a collection of indie songs she’d never heard and the Top 40s he was loving. They analyzed them together, unpacking the elements she had grown up attuned to—the synths and the perfection of a good bridge.

Before she knew it, she was swinging into the driveway of Harry’s house, punching the garage door opener clipped to her sun visor. As she turned off the car she heard Harry sigh next to her, a wide smile on his face.

“Home sweet home,” he said, leaning over and giving her a peck on the cheek. “Now let’s get these suitcases inside so I can get in the shower and get all these airplane germs off of me.”

Together they brought his cases inside, locking the garage door behind them and turning off the security system. Harry praised her plant maintenance skills as they crested the stairs, pulling the heavy bags into his bedroom. He flopped down on the bed, arms outstretched for her to crawl into, which she did gladly. Upon feeling his arms close around her, she let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding, a weight lifted off of her shoulders from a month and a half of being separated.

“Missed you so much,” he whispered into her hair, holding her close to his body. “So happy to be home with you.”

She lifted her head from his chest and swept her fingers across his jaw. “It wasn’t the same without you,” she told him. “No one being annoying while I try to watch TV.”

“Hey!” He said, tickling at her sides. “I’m perfectly wonderful. I just like lovin’ on you.”

Y/N snuggled into him and tried to let her fears from earlier subside. She’d tell him after they made dinner, let him settle in a bit. “Go shower, you smell like plane,” she said, mumbling against his hoodie. “Want me to start anything downstairs?”

He shook his head, rolling out from under her. “Would you put my wash in though?” His eyes batted at her, as if he was a kid begging for a candy bar.

She rolled her eyes, sliding off the bed. “Yes. All of it?”

He nodded. He’d gone through a lot of clothes, obviously. So she unzipped his suitcases, unpacking his clothes and separating out the colors, making two tall piles of all his things. She made a separate pile for all the bits that needed to be dry cleaned for him to drop off tomorrow while she was at work, and took the darks into the laundry room downstairs, starting a load. Upstairs, she heard the sound of the shower and Harry singing one of his songs like the menace he was. Her eyes fell to a bottle of wine on the counter that she had pulled out for him earlier, and she remembered that she, now, couldn’t drink.

Fuck being pregnant, she thought. All she wanted was a nice big glass of wine.

But she left it be and instead lit one of his favorite candles and turned on their playlist in the speakers, letting the sound fill the house. Before long, Harry was coming down in the stairs in sweats, hair wet and floppy on his head in the way she thought made him look so young and sweet, utterly cuddly and lovable.

“Cravin’ a good bowl of pasta and some veg, how ‘bout you?” He said, making his way into the kitchen. A glass from the cabinet was pulled down, sat next to the bottle of wine she had glanced at earlier, and a question over his shoulder. “Want some?”

“No,” she said calmly. “I’m okay. And yes to dinner, sounds lovely.”

His eyebrows furrowed at her answer, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he pulled some veggies from the fridge and grabbed a cutting board, musing to her about how he wanted to get some new towels while he prepared their dinner. As he cooked, the thought of Harry as a dad crossed her mind. An evening like this, but a baby in the mix. It wouldn’t be so bad, she decided. He’d actually be probably amazing, actually. The only problem was that the perfect moments wouldn’t be all of the moments.

Their conversation flowed easily over dinner, Y/N’s belly full from the food and the laughter from Harry’s terrible jokes. She cleared away the plates and together they washed up, Harry bumping his hip into hers as he dried the dishes. With every moment that passed, the knot in her stomach tightened at the thought of having to tell him, of breaking his fantasy of what the next few years of his life might hold—of his entire life, really.

He refilled his glass of wine and together they made their way to the couch and when they sat, Harry pulled her into his arms, cuddling her close. This was the moment, she realized. It made her stumble, trying to find the right words to tell him this kind of earth-shattering news.

“Harry,” she said, voice cracking with nervousness. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Harry’s body tightened immediately—she could feel it happen against her. “What is it?”

She straightened up, pulling herself from his embrace. She needed space if she was going to do this, the ability to think properly, and being that close to Harry made it impossible. Did she just spit it out? No pretext, just tell him? This was the part she always stumbled on, how to phrase it. But, she thought, there probably wasn’t a handbook on how to tell your boyfriend this kind of news. Especially when it’s not planned.

“Love?” He prompted, worry written all over his face.

“I—fuck,” she said, stomach seizing in worry, “I’m…” She couldn’t get the words out, they were sticking in her throat and she couldn’t find them and she wanted to tell him but she was so fucking scared of what he would say.

Harry reached out, taking her hands in his, the hard calluses of his fingers brushing over her skin. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. Whatever it is.”

Her eyes met his, and she just decided to go for it. No dancing around. “I’m pregnant.”

Harry’s eyes widened, whole body stilling. In his grip, her palms began to sweat, the nerves running through her body like a train. They just stared at each other, the news sinking in for Harry probably in the same way as it did for Y/N—the utter panic seizing him. The questions swirling around faster than he could process.

But he didn’t say anything. Just stared at her. And she didn’t know what the fuck that meant. “I know it’s a lot,” she said, the words rushing out, trying to fill the silence. “But we have options.” She used the same words as her doctor, she realized. “I’m still early enough to terminate if we wanted to, or we can do adoption, although I doubt Jeff would go for it, and I’m also happy to do it on my own.” The last one was the one that she’d given the most thought to, and she was actually okay with the idea. Having a child on her own, being a single mom. Wasn’t in the books, but it wasn’t a bad outcome. “I know you’re busy and just starting your solo career so a kid isn’t really great timing, so I can do it and you can like be in their life, I guess? Whatever you want—I’m not, I’m not expecting anything, I guess is what I’m trying to say.” The words came out like a freight train, barreling through the silence between them.

But Harry’s answer blew her straight out of the water. “You—on your own? Fuck no,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not doing that.”

“You—what?”

“Y/N,” he told her, squeezing her hands. “I’m not letting you raise my kid on your own.”

The words almost made it worse because she realized once he said them, she almost wanted him to say sure, raise it on your own. Because it would be easier. “Harry,” she said softly, slowly, trying to figure out how to say this, “I’m not sure if…I want you to do it with me.”

“The fuck are you talking about?” His words cut like ice, anger clear in his voice, hands wrenching from hers as if she was on fire.

“I don’t know if I want to raise a kid with you,” she said, trying to make it as plain as possible.

The hurt in his eyes burned her to her core. All the joy in his face gone, as if a cold wind had come by and slapped him in the face. And it pained her, but it was also the best thing for her. To be able to do it on her own terms, her own pace, her own place even. “Why?” When he spoke, it was broken, a whispered question.

She bit her lip, the tears she’d been holding back threatening to spill over. “My dad’s a musician. I know what it’s like to be a musician’s daughter and it fucking sucks most of the time. I saw it destroy my parents’ marriage, saw it destroy the marriages of my dad’s friends. I don’t want to put my kid through that,” she told him, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I want to be a good mom, and I don’t know think that means having you in the picture.”

Harry launched himself off of the couch, standing up with his back to her. All of a sudden, Y/N saw his shoulders shaking, the raspy sound of his cries, and she realized he was crying. She’d made him cry. Made him sob, from the sound of it. And it broke her into a million pieces, the remaining bit of her heart that she hadn’t ripped out the moment she had to tell him that she didn’t want him around for their child.

“Harry—“

“No,” he said, whirling around so she finally saw his face, the tears streaming down his face like waterfalls, red and puffy eyes. “You do not get to sit there and try and comfort me right now. You just told me that you don’t want me to be in my kid’s life!” His voice had reached a scream, the sound echoing in the room.

Y/N tucked her knees up to her chest. She knew it was going to be hard, but she didn’t expect it to be like this. Did she expected him to accept it, maybe? Be relieved? But from looking at Harry now, she didn’t know how she could’ve ever thought that. He looked devastated, utterly destroyed, as if the rug had been ripped out from under him. “I’m sorry,” she said, voice soft. “I just…”

“Y/N,” he said, struggling to stay measured, “obviously this is ultimately your decision. But I am the father, and more than anything, I’m your boyfriend. This isn’t like some one night stand—I’m—“ His voice broke, tumbling over the words. “I’m in love with you. And you’re having our baby. And I feel like you’ve completely shut me out from making any kind of decision. Like you just decided without even considering what I might want.”

“I prioritized myself,” she said, voice stern. “Because I have to carry this child for nine months. I will be there, every single day, for the rest of my life, raising this child. It will be me, Harry, not you, who will be the parent at every school function, helping with homework and dealing with nightmares. Because you will be gone half of the time. So I’m sorry if I had to put myself first, if that feels like I shut you out. But trust me when I say that I did consider what you might want.”

“But you decided that what you want is more important.”

“Not what I want,” Y/N corrected, “but what I need. What my child needs.”

“Our,” he said, cutting her off. “Our child. ’S not your child, it’s our child.”

His words stopped her dead in her tracks. He was so insistent, staring her straight in the eyes, not moving from where he stood. “Yes. Our child.”

With an exhale, Harry ran a hand through his hair, his rings glinting under the soft lights of the living room. “I understand your fears. I want you to know that. I’m fucking terrified too,” he said, a soft chuckle falling through the tension, “but I don’t plan on fucking off around the world and leaving you here to care for our child. Y/N, I want a family more than anything in the whole entire world. More than my career, more than everything.”

They’d never really had this conversation, she thought when he said those words. She knew he wanted kids, but she never knew where they ranked in his ambitions. How high up they actually were. She had assumed, she realized, that he would act the way so many others did. But Harry, he was different.

“I want to raise our child with you,” he continued, voice straining as the tears continued to fall down his cheeks. He brushed at them with the back of his hand and Y/N wished she could dry them for him. “I want to do this with you. If you don’t want me to, then I’ll respect that. But I’m not going to let you—our child—go without a fight.”

Y/N exhaled, his words hitting her like a ton of bricks. He wanted their child. He wanted to be a father, to raise a kid with her. “Are you—are you sure?”

“Yes,” he said immediately, no pause, intention clear in his tone. “Never been so sure in my life.”

“This isn’t something you get to go back on,” she reminded him. “Like, this is the rest of your life you’re committing to.”

“I know.” His voice was devoid of any doubt, just sureness, and it managed to chip away at the hard edge she’d been latching onto in an attempt to make the hardest choice of her life—pushing him away.

She looked down at her hands, the chipped blue nail polish there from Friday night when she’d been having a whole lot of deep thoughts about this conversation and the future. “Harry,” she said softly, “I’m terrified of this.”

A hand drifted through her hair and she looked up, seeing Harry crouching in front of her, eyes level with hers. “I know, baby.”

“I don’t know how to be a mom. I’m not ready.”

“Me either,” he said with a sad smile. “But we’ll figure it out, yeah?”

Slowly, she nodded and Harry exhaled, pressing his forehead to hers. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, tears ripping through her again. “I’m so, so sorry.”

He gathered her in his arms without a second thought and Y/N folded into him, shame and regret leaking from her like a faucet. “I forgive you,” he said with a kiss to her temple. “Raising a kid with me is definitely not going to be the easiest thing in the world. That’s not your fault, and you wanting to do what’s best for our kid, even if it means me not being around? That shows how fierce of a mom you’re going to be.”

His words stirred something in her. Mom. She was going to be a mother. “You think so?”

“Going to be fucking incredible, baby.”

“You’re going to be a dad,” she whispered, looking into his green eyes, which were still red and puffy, but the sad look was replaced with one full of excitement, joy. “Gonna be a good one, too, I think.”

He smiled at her, cupping her cheek in his hand. “With you at my side, don’t know how I couldn’t be.”

Harry sat down in the pink plastic chairs, rubbing his hands on the his pants, and Y/N dropped into the seat next to him. Seeing Harry Styles in an OB/GYN clinic was quite possibly one of Y/N’s favorite things she’s ever seen. He was peeking at the women’s magazines, reading the articles about pregnancy intensely in a way that made her restrain from giggling. He even made conversation with the receptionist, asking her about her day and making sure that the appointment would be completely safe for the baby, which of course, it was.

When she made the appointment she asked to be scheduled at a time when no one else would be in the waiting room, and they managed to succeed, the seats completely empty when Harry and her walked in the door. They hadn’t decided how—or when—they wanted to announce her pregnancy or if they even wanted to. They were both deeply private people and the idea of blasting their personal lives on social media felt horrible, so they wanted to avoid it for as long as possible.

They also hadn’t told Jeff and the rest of Harry’s team yet. Harry told her he wanted to wait until he heard his child’s heartbeat, felt the reality of having a child, before he launched into that conversation with his management because it wouldn’t be an easy one. So the last thing they wanted was Jeff finding out Y/N was pregnant through paparazzi photos of them going into an OB/GYN clinic.

“Have you ever been to an OB/GYN clinic?” She asked him, propping her elbow up on the arm rest between them.

He snorted. “Why would I?”

“Dunno,” she said with a shrug. “Thought that might explain why you seem not to be overwhelmed with the amount of modeled vaginas and uteri around you.”

“That what those are?” He asked in mock surprise, pointing at the one next to them. “Well fuck. Just thought it was art.”

Y/N had to hide her face in his shoulder to keep from laughing too loudly, and when she poked her head up, Harry was looking down at her with a grin. “Glad you’re here,” she said, chin resting on his shoulder.

He brushed his knuckles across her cheek. “Me too, baby.”

“Gonna hear your other baby,” she said with a chuckle and Harry just looked like he had won the lottery. It was this reason that Y/N was becoming more and more okay with the idea of raising a child with Harry with every passing day. He was just so happy all the time—there was a new bounce in his step and he was utterly obsessed with picking out baby clothes. The morning after she had told him, she went downstairs to find him sat at the dining table, browsing some websites for baby clothes, selecting an entire wardrobe for his child to outfit them for their entire first year. Y/N had to physically hide his wallet and remove his computer from his vicinity to get him to stop.

Harry pulled her into his body and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You know I’ve always dreamed of doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“Hearing my baby’s heartbeat.”

She kissed the exposed skin at the top his shirt at the base of his neck, hoping it would encapsulate the feeling of love radiating through her body because she truly didn’t have the words.

“Y/N?” She looked up and her OB/GYN, Dr. Crawford, stood in the doorway. Harry stood up immediately, the excitement flowing through him obvious to anyone with eyes. He held her hand as they walked down the fall to the exam room, not minding that her hand got a sweaty from the nerves. There was something mildly uncomfortable about Harry being with her at an office where she usually went to get her birth control and yearly exams, but Harry didn’t seem to mind at all. He somehow fit in, made her feel at ease, lessened the nerves with his silly jokes and tickles to her sides when she looked too intense.

“So,” Dr. Crawford said once they were settled in the exam room, Y/N on the table and Harry sat in the chair closest to her, knee bouncing up and down so fast Y/N had to lean over and stop him. “I got your results from Dr. Terrell—seems like you’re eight weeks along, now more like nine. I estimate conception was in mid September by that approximation.”

Y/N looked over at Harry, his eyes crinkling up at the edges, his thoughts probably the same as hers. “When you were home,” she said, the memory of their reunion strong. Of course it was then—she was so caught up in Harry being home she wouldn’t been surprised if she had missed a day of her pill altogether.

“And are you the father?” Dr. Crawford asked, pointing her ballpoint at Harry, a questionnaire attached to her clipboard.

“Yes,” they both said at the same time, Dr. Crawford giving them a warm smile.

He reached out a hand to Dr. Crawford as if she probably didn’t know who he was. Although maybe it was better if her OB/GYN didn’t know that the father was an international popstar? Y/N couldn’t really decide. “Harry,” he introduced himself, leaving his last name conveniently out.

“Pleasure,” she answered, shaking his hand. “Now, I’m assuming we want to meet your baby today?” Harry reached his hand over to hers, fingers interlinking as they both nodded. “Wonderful. Y/N can you lift your shirt for me?”

She rucked up the edge of her oversized t-shirt and Dr. Crawford brought over the same device Y/N had seen on TV—a transducer, her OB/GYN informed her as she lathered a cold gel over a section of her stomach. “Okay,” she said, pressing some buttons on the machine, “give me a second to find your little one.”

Harry’s eyes drifted to the screen, squeezing her hand as they both listened closely to try and hear their child’s heartbeat. The screen was grainy, lines and pockets that Y/N tried her best not to trick into believing was her child. Dr. Crawford moved the transducer around on Y/N’s lower abdomen, searching for the right spot. Panic seized Y/N the longer they waited for the heartbeat, questions swirling in her head—was there something wrong? Was the test wrong—was she not pregnant after all? Or worse—was there something wrong with their child?

And then, a solid thudding sound echoed in Y/N’s ears, and her vision immediately swam as tears welled in her eyes. It was her child, her baby, the little being she was carrying inside of her. She looked over to Harry, and he was full-on crying, wiping his nose on the hem of his sweatshirt as he stared at Y/N in awe.

Dr. Crawford suddenly sighed, and Y/N tore her eyes away from Harry to look up at the screen, where she could see, faintly, the outline of a fetus. “That’s our little Peanut,” Harry whispered to her, bowing his head so it rested on her shoulder, them both looking at the screen. “They’re real,” he said, his tears wetting her shirt and Y/N was crying as hard as him now, the sight of her child up on the screen jerking at every fiber of her body.

Peanut, Y/N thought to herself. Harry already had a nickname for their child.

“That’s them?” She asked Dr. Crawford, barely able to see the screen because of the tears.

“Yes,” her doctor replied, “that’s your baby."

Y/N turned and tugged at Harry’s face, suddenly feeling the overwhelming desire to kiss him, needing him to anchor her to the world and remind her that yes, this was real. His hands cupped her chin delicately, lips meeting. Their foreheads rested against one another’s as their tears flowed, the fact that they were actually going to be parents settling in.

“Can I—can I take a video?” Harry asked Dr. Crawford, looking back up at the doctor, pulling Y/N from their personal moment. “Want to be able to let my mum hear the heartbeat.”

“Of course,” she replied. “Let me turn up the sound.” She pressed a few buttons, and suddenly the thud of her child’s heartbeat was all Y/N could hear. She closed her eyes to the sound, letting it take root in her brain. Her hands drifted to where the transducer rested on her belly, careful not to get too close as she cupped her stomach. Perhaps it had been the anxiety over telling Harry, but she hadn’t really touched where her child was growing yet. The concept hadn’t really settled in—in fact, she had tried to avoid thinking about it because it stressed her out so much.

But now it was a reflex.

“I’ll take some pictures for you to keep,” Dr. Crawford said, pressing a button and shifting the transducer slightly. “I’ll go grab these for you,” she told them, “and then we can talk about what the next few weeks will hold.” She pulled the transducer off of Y/N’s belly, wiping off the gel, and then stepped out of the room giving the two emotional parents a moment alone.

“How is it,” Harry said, voice raw with emotion, “that I’m already so in love with them?”

Y/N pushed a strand of his hair off his forehead and wiped a tear from his cheek. “I know what you mean,” she whispered. “It’s so visceral. I can’t even explain it.”

He bent his head to hers, sighing as he shut his eyes against her skin. “I love you. I know this wasn’t the plan, but I’m so happy I don’t even know what to say.”

Her fingers swept at his neck, massaging his skin, knowing he loved the feeling. “I love you too, H.”

That night, they laid in Y/N’s bed, Harry having decided to stay for a few days while they processed everything, and stared at the photos Dr. Crawford had given them in the office. Y/N was curled up on Harry’s chest and he thought that he had truly never experienced a more perfect moment. The mother of his child curled into him, head on his chest, while they looked at the photo of their unborn child.

“Due in June,” Harry whispered. “They’re going to be a summer baby.”

“Thank god,” Y/N mumbled into his skin. “Between me in January and you in February, I truly don’t think I could handle one more Winter birthday.”

Harry laughed, her head bouncing on his vibrating chest. She managed to make every moment a little bit brighter, and feature he loved so deeply about her. Neither of them could be serious for too long, and it kept them laughing all the time, much to the annoyance of their friends when no one got their inside jokes.

He gazed at the photo of his child, his brain barely able to wrap around the fact. He had known for days, and yet he still woke up in the morning and forgot. When he saw Y/N he always remembered, but there was this second in the morning where he forgot and he hated it. He was going to be a father and he wanted to soak up every single second, revel in the reality that he was starting a family. And maybe it didn’t happen the way he would’ve planned it, but that didn’t make it any less special or exciting. Plus, his child with Y/N was going to have insanely good music taste.

The thought that he couldn’t get out of the back of his head was the fact that he was supposed to be going on tour in March. A world tour longer than the one he had just finished, from March to July with basically no breaks. As of right now, he wouldn’t even be in town for the birth of his child. And he wasn’t going to have ten days off to visit Y/N or see his mum. When he looked at his schedule earlier in the day, he had only found one substantial break—ten days in May, nestled between Japan and Argentina. That wasn’t how he wanted to do fatherhood—he wanted to see Y/N for every single second of the day, to see her belly grow and her body change, to talk to his child every night before bed as he had done last night, Y/N giggling above him. He wanted to be present, mentally and physically. He wanted to be there for the birth, at the utter bare minimum, and with the schedule he was going to miss that too.

He also knew that there was no way in hell he was going to be able to put on the kinds of shows he wanted, do the press he usually did, with a pregnant Y/N back in LA waiting for him. It wasn’t the world tour he wanted to put on, the kind of show he wanted to bring to the fans. Harry was a go big or go home kind of guy, and half-assed shows wasn’t going to cut it.

But he had no idea how to balance the two. How did he be the kind of father he wanted to be, but also the kind of musician he loved being? As much as he wanted to ask Y/N, he was scared she’d be frustrated, pointing out that this was exactly what she was afraid of. He needed a game plan before he could really talk to her about it, but that involved talking to Jeff, and he wanted to do that with Y/N there. He wanted Jeff to know that they were a family, and decisions that affected Harry were decisions that affected Y/N and their child.

So who did he talk to, then?

He didn’t have all that many friends with kids. And those he did have, most of them weren’t musicians—they were like James, people who worked in the same city as their family but traveled for work some. Not people whose entire careers were based around being gone for extended periods of time.

But, he realized, he had Adam. Adam, with multiple kids. Adam, a musician who toured—and had toured with Harry. He knew how Harry was, what kind of shows he needed to deliver, the demands of his particular brand of fame.

He glanced down at Y/N and saw her eyes were shut, arm still resting over his abdomen. Soft sighs fluttered from her lips, a sweet smile on her face—even in sleep, she was beautiful. Even more so, somehow. Harry leaned over and flicked off his light, resting the photo of his little Peanut on the bedside table so when they woke up in the morning, it was the first thing they’d see.

In the morning, Harry made Y/N pancakes and gave her a kiss goodbye before grabbing his phone, desperate to talk to someone about the thoughts raging through his head. He could barely sleep last night, the questions and scenarios like a bad movie rolling through his brain—what if he missed the birth? What if he missed the first kick? What if Y/N hated him for it, and made good on her original request—for him to not be in the picture? What if he missed out on the opportunity to be a dad?

That thought had him scrambling for Adam’s contact in his phone.

“Hello?”

Adam’s voice rang through the line and it eased an anxiety Harry had had weighing on him for days. “Hey man,” he said, settling into Y/N’s couch where was set up. “Need your advice on something.”

He heard a rustling, probably Adam sitting down and settling in for what he knew would be a long conversation, as were anytime Harry asked Adam for advice. “What’s up?”

“I need you to keep this a secret. Like, tell no one about this—literally not a soul knows except for you, me, and Y/N. Not even Jeff or my mum.”

Adam exhaled, probably understanding the gravity of it if Harry hadn’t even told Anne. He told Anne everything, which he had been told on multiple occasions was not the type of behavior common in 20-somethings men, but it was how he was. Maybe it was a product of leaving home early, or of the fact that his mum was truly his best friend. “You’re kind of freaking me out, mate.”

“You swear?”

“Of course—swear I won’t tell anyone. Not even Emi.”

Harry breathed in, then out, and then he just spilled it: “Y/N’s pregnant.”

Adam was quiet for a beat, and then, “Wow. How do you feel?”

That was the one question Harry could answer confidently. “I’m so happy that Y/N keeps telling me too stop smiling or she’s going to get me checked out,” he said with a chuckle. “Did you feel like that with Silver and Spike?”

“Yeah,” Adam said, “like my heart was going to pop out of my chest.”

That was exactly the feeling Harry had right now and hadn’t seemed to dissipate. “So, I’m happy right? So happy. But I’m also losing it—I told you about Y/N’s rule, the stuff we’ve worked through, all that. And now we’re going to have a baby. When she told me, she said she didn’t know if she wanted to raise a kid with me—because of my job.”

“Fuck.”

“I talked her back from there,” Harry explained, standing and beginning to pace, bare feet hitting her wood floors. “I told her how I wanted to be present, how it was more important than my career. But, now I actually have to make the decision, because we’ve got a tour scheduled until July and the baby’s due in June. And,” he added, “if I had it my way I would be here the whole time. I want to be here for all of her pregnancy—it’s my first kid, Adam.” His voice broke as he said those words, the reality of what this could become hitting him. “I need to experience that. And I have no idea what to do.”

Adam didn’t say anything, but Harry knew he was still there because he heard Silver talking in the background, Emi’s voice telling her to give Papa some space, which pulled on Harry’s heart. He wanted that so badly—to have someone call him Papa and crawl up his legs, demanding attention. “You haven’t talked to Jeff, yet, right?” Adam finally asked.

“No.”

“Good. Wait until you’ve got a plan of attack—you want to be really clear about what you want to do.”

Harry nodded, leaning onto Y/N kitchen island, eyes studying a crack in the countertop he hadn’t noticed before. “That was my thought too. ’S why I called you.”

“Well,” Adam said, “I’m not going to pretend like my situation was anything like yours. Completely different can of worms. But, I’ll say this—I understanding your desire to be there. I missed bits of it with Silver but got it all with Spike and it made me wish I had been there for all of it.”

“I don’t want cancel tour though,” Harry said, words heavy in his heart. The idea had him heartbroken—all of the disappointed fans? He couldn’t do that.

“No you don’t,” Adam agreed. “But your baby is due in June, so you’re going to have to cancel the US leg at the very least. You’re going to have to tour, at least for part of it. You’ll miss stuff, but that’s the way it works. There’s no way you could be around Y/N all day anyways—she’s got work, you’ve got work, you would miss things either way. But it’s different to be completely gone and it’s going to be brutal for both of you.”

“You’re really not helping,” Harry muttered, the panic resurfacing in his chest.

“Sorry,” Adam said, “I’m trying. Would Y/N go on tour with you?”

The thought flickered through Harry’s brain. It was an idea. One Y/N would probably put up a fuss about, not wanting to leave her office and friends. “Maybe for bits of it. But she works full-time and bloody loves her job. It would be hard for her to do fully remote, I think, especially halfway around the world.” “So that’s an option. As for cancelling the US dates, you can just reschedule them shows for later—maybe beginning of 2019.”

“I’m supposed to be recording then.” He’s got another album to write, after all. An album that had a strong feeling was going to be very different than anything he had done before.

“I—fuck. I mean, maybe you’ll just have to fully cut them, just do refunds.”

Harry sighed. It was, perhaps, the best he could do. Not nearly enough, but it might be all he could do. “Fans will never forgive me.”

“You’ll have to explain,” Adam reminded him. “If they know why, I don’t think they’ll hate you too much.”

He hoped not. He loved his fans and in a normal situation he would never cancel shows like this. But this wasn’t a normal circumstance. “I’ll have to talk to Jeff. He’s going to kill me.”

“Hey,” Adam said, voice softening, “he won’t. He’s going to be frustrated, sure, but not with you—more with all the people he’s going to have to call. But that’s his job, not yours. Your job is to be a great boyfriend, a great musician, and now, a great dad. Which you’re going to be. Promise.”

“Thank you,” he said, words catching in his throat. He didn’t even know he needed to hear someone other than Y/N say it until Adam did. “Needed to hear that.”

“Happy to remind you anytime,” Adam told him and Harry thought about how lucky he was to have friends like him around. “Now, I’ve got to go take Silver to a sleepover—call me if you want to talk more, though, okay? I’m around.”

“Thanks mate,” he said. “Say hi to everyone for me.”

“Harry says hi!” Adam called to his family, and Harry smiled at the yells of “HI HARRY!” that echoed through the phone. “They say hi. Talk later, man.”

“Bye,” Harry said, ending the call. He stood up straight, his hip resting against the island, and considered what Adam had said. She’d take some convincing, but Y/N might agree to go on tour with him. He didn’t know how good it would be for her to travel that much—he needed to get that checked out—but it was worth a shot. As far as canceling the shows, it would be painful, but he firmly believed it would be worth it.

He hadn’t lied to Y/N when he told her that her, their child, their life, was more important than anything. It was, which was why experiencing pregnancy with her was at the top of his list. He would do anything to be with her for it, whether he had to move tour dates or mountains—anything for her.

Motown was playing when she opened the door, the smell of something spicy hitting her nostrils immediately. Harry stood in her kitchen in her favorite apron, a towel over one shoulder and a glass of wine on the counter in front of him. He was cooking for her, dinner ready and waiting when she arrived home from work. The thought hit her like a ton of bricks: this was the life she had always dreamed of with her significant other. The simple moments of them making her dinner, of them taking care of her when she needed it most. And after today, she really needed it.

“Hi, baby,” Harry said, turning down the music so she could hear him. He wandered over to her as she slipped off her coat and shoes, arms winding around her. “How was your day?”

“Shitty,” she replied, pulling away from him. “Need to go change out of my clothes.”

“Sounds good. Dinner will be ready in ten.”

Y/N pulled off her clothes and replaced them with a soft sweatshirt and leggings, before making her way into the bathroom to take off her makeup. Eyes exhausted from staring at her computer all day, the words on the screen running together by the time she left her desk, she took out her contacts and slipped on her glasses instead, a sigh of relief leaving her body. Now she felt like she was home.

In the kitchen, Harry was plating up their food, a glass of water in a wine glass waiting for her that made her miss alcohol so much—not even in a way where she needed it, the concept of a nice glass of red wine just sounded utterly delectable.

“Made you salmon and a bunch of veg,” Harry said, pressing a kiss to her temple as she passed him in the narrow kitchen. “Was readin’ that book you have ‘bout pregnancy and saw how important it is to eat good.”

The thought of Harry sitting on her couch reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting brought a smile to her cheeks that she desperately needed after the day she had had. He had become a bit obsessed with fatherhood in the few days since she had told him the news, and each time he mentioned the new research he had been doing, it reminded her that the fears revolving through her brain all day might very well be misplaced. Maybe Harry would be able to be the kind of present father that she needed and Harry wanted to be.

“So,” he said, settling into the seat caddy-corner to her, their plates in front of them. “Tell me about this shitty day of yours.”

She took a bite of the salmon, giving him a thumbs up when he asked how it was. “Started with me having to run out of a meeting to vomit,” she began.

“Oh no,” he said, knowing full well how much she hated vomiting and how tired of it she was.

“Yep.” She cut into one of the roasted sweet potatoes, the question of how Harry learned to cook so well crossing her mind as she took a bite. “And then I got the call that the big deal I’ve been working on fell through—the company decided to go with another agency. I haven’t even presented our final plan yet—didn’t even have a chance to prove myself. I don’t even know how they made the choice, but to have done it without even seeing the final product sucks.”

Harry reached over and slipped his hand into her, giving it a tight squeeze. “’S not a reflection of your work, love.”

“I know,” she reassured him, “but it’s hard not to think it anyways.” She took a sip of her ice water, eyes falling to his red wine with longing. “But then one of the interns mentioned some trend on Instagram that I knew nothing about and it made me feel old. And then Jamie asked me if I wanted to get drinks after work and I had to make up an excuse and he looked so sad. So it was a shit day.”

The look on her face was so heartbreaking that Harry just wanted to squeeze it right out of her. So he took his hand and pressed his thumbs into her cheeks, squeezing them together, trying to make her giggle like she usually did when he did this. “You’re really, really fuckin’ cute, Y/N,” he told her and to his delight a blush fell over the tops of her cheeks. “And you’re also wicked brilliant. Anyone who thinks otherwise, or makes you feel like you’re not, is an idiot. And you are most definitely not old.” He turned his chair and pulled himself towards her so his knees were touching the side of her chair, allowing him to press a delicate kiss to the fabric covering her shoulder. “You hear me?”

She nodded, picking up her fork to resume her dinner. “Thank you, H.”

“For what?” He pushed a strand of her hair behind her shoulder so it didn’t get in her food when she took a bite.

“Picking me up,” she said, eyes meeting his. “You’re good at it.”

He pecks the tip of her nose, smiling when her face scrunches up at the action. “Easy to do when you’re so bloody wonderful.” With that, he scoots back to his place at the table, letting her eat in peace. He filled the conversation with jabber about his work for the day, his calls with his team and the interview he did for a radio station. When Y/N was like this, she wasn’t all that talkative, preferring instead to mull about in her head and process all of her thoughts, but when she was ready to chat she came out in full force.

That happened after dinner, when they were tucked up in her bed, both reading. Harry was working his way through a non-fiction book about World War II, doing Dunkirk having piqued an interest for him, and Y/N was reading a copy of the New Yorker that her dad had given her when she saw him last. Suddenly, she nudged his neck with her head, demanding his attention.

When he looked down at her, she was all doe-eyed and warm, her mind having finally gotten itself out of the spiral it was in. “Sorry I was in a mood,” she said. “Hormones are fucking with me.”

“S’okay, button,” he said, kissing her forehead gently. “Sorry I got you pregnant and got you hormonal in the first place.” He meant it as a joke, but Y/N stilled against him and he immediately knew that wasn’t how she heard it. “Joking, Y/N,” he told her. “I love that we’re havin’ a baby.”

She set down her magazine and propped herself up on her elbows, Harry dropping his book too so he could focus fully on her. “Are you sure, H? If you’re being serious, I understand, you know. You don’t have to pretend. I don’t want you to pretend just for my sake.”

Harry exhaled. “How many times do I have to tell you, baby? I’m so excited to be havin’ a family with you I can’t even contain it. Nearly blurted it out to Jeff today in excitement before I remembered what we agreed on.”

“You might need to tell me a couple more times,” she told him honestly. “For some reason, my brain is having trouble wrapping its head around the idea that you want to be doing this.”

“C’mere,” he said, opening his arms so she could fold into his body. “I’ll remind you whenever you need, okay? But please, Y/N, please believe the best in me. I love you, but sometimes the doubt you have in me breaks me.”

Her fingers crawl up his biceps, fingers trailing around the outline of the heart tattooed there. “I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” She pressed her chin into his chest, a soft smile bringing him to his knees for her. “I wanted to talk to you about something, and I’d like you to keep an open mind.”

Her fingers stopped tracing his tattoos and her eyebrows furrowed. “What is it?”

“I talked to Adam today,” he began. “I told him we were havin’ a baby.” Before she could berate him for breaking their promise, he forged on, because that wasn’t the part he wanted to talk to her about—he already knew she was frustrated with him for it. “I needed his advice on how to approach the 2018 tour. Whenever we talk to Jeff I need to have a plan before I walk into that room, and Adam’s my only friend who has kids and knows intimately how I tour.”

She considers his words before opening her mouth. “Was it helpful?”

“Mhm,” he murmured. “He had a couple suggestions, some which aren’t possible, some which are. The main one was that you join me for part of the tour. I know that you have work and you probably can’t do it, but I already have to cancel the entire US leg because it’s in June when little Peanut is due, so I probably can’t ask for other breaks. And I have no fucking idea what to do, Y/N.”

Y/N scrambled up, swinging a leg over Harry’s waist to brush the tears that were spilling from his eyes. His heart was beating so fast, the fear of what she would say eating him alive. “Hey, hey, I’m here, okay? We’re going to figure this out.” She was so calm, collected, the opposite from what he expected. “Can you breathe for me? I want to have this conversation, but I can’t do it if you’re crying, H.”

Harry gulped, trying to get his breathing under control. “I—yes. Okay.” He listened to her breathing, the sound of her heartbeat, letting it anchor him.

“Better?” He nodded, and she smoothed his hair back before speaking again. “So. Me going on tour with you?”

“Yeah. What do you think?”

She sighed, her fingers fiddling at the collar of his shirt. Without even thinking about it, Harry found himself curving his hands around her stomach, right where his baby was, the action having become an impulse in the recent days. “H, I can’t travel when I’m over 34 weeks pregnant.”

Harry let out a sharp exhale, the frustration evident in the way he hung his head. “Fuck.”

“Maybe…Maybe I could take off a few weeks at the beginning? I’ve got the vacation time saved up.”

His head perked up at her proposal, eyes wide. “Really?”

She nodded, hand coming up to grip the back of his neck, her fingers massaging into the base of his skull. “I want to make this work and if that means taking some time off so we can be together, that’s what it means.”

The prospect of her on tour with him, her and their baby on tour with him made his heart flutter, the images of her, wildly pregnant, hanging out in his dressing room before shows, watching from the wings while he performed. Her hands carding through his hair while he took naps backstage, them shagging in his hotel rooms, cuddling on airplanes and tour buses. “I like that idea,” he said, bending down so he could press a soft kiss to her abdomen. “Quite a lot.”

“I kind of like it too,” She murmured, giggling when Harry left a lingering smooch to her belly button. “I’m sorry, baby about having to cancel tour. Know that isn’t what you want to do.”

“Rather be here than anywhere else,” he said, nudging at her cheek with his nose. “Y/N, I want you to know, I would never have picked to tour right now if I would have known.”

“I know,” she murmured against his skin. They were cuddled up in each other, her arms around his neck, his face buried in her shoulder. Harry didn’t think the desire to be close to her like this would ever leave him. He just desperately loved being as close as possible, holding her, petting her skin, feeling her breath on his skin. “I know I put a lot of pressure on you and that’s not necessarily fair of me, but—“ “Hush,” Harry said, lifting his head so he could look at her. “You’re right to, okay? I want to be the best dad I can be, but you know how easily I get caught up in my work. Don’t want to do that. Just as I need to remind you how much I care, sometimes you may have to remind me that you’re my world. Can you keep doing that?”

She nodded, a soft press of her lips to his eyebrow that had him gripping her hips, the tenderness like fireworks in his brain. “What do you think Anne is going to say when we tell her?”

Harry chuckled, the panic in her voice evident. “She’s going to be so happy I bet she’ll cry. Been wantin’ a grandchild for ages now. What about your mom?”

“She’s going to have a conniption fit,” Y/N said with a laugh of her own. “But then she’s going to cry too.”

“No wonder we’re such softies,” Harry said, tickling at Y/N’s sides, the sound of her giggles in his ears making him smile.

She leaned back, squirming away from his hands. “Speak for yourself. I’m serious, not a softie.”

“Oh yeah?” Harry lifted his hands, smushing her cheeks together and peppering kisses all over her. “Say that again, baby. Dare you.”

“Fine!” She pulled his lips into a kiss that left him breathless, his desire for her never waving. “Love you, my big softie.”

“Love you too. Now let’s go to bed, gotta make sure Peanut gets his beauty sleep.”

Y/N rolled off of him and let him pull the duvet cover over their bodies, cuddling up next to him. “What about me?”

“Don’t need it,” he said with a swift kiss to her forehead. “Beautiful no matter how much sleep you get.”

He feel asleep with Y/N’s head on his chest, arm slung over his torso, and Harry wondered how he’d gotten so lucky. The girl he loved, a baby on the way, and a career he adored. He ran his fingers up her spine, watching the smile flutter onto her lips in her sleep, and let his eyes wander to her belly. You couldn’t tell that she was pregnant yet, but to Harry, knowing that she was carrying their child inside of her, she had never been more beautiful to him.

TAGLIST:  

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NEXT CHAPTER COMING JULY 22ND @ NOON CST

[captlok]

Pacifism Isn’t A Character Trait

Or: MLK Day is Upon Us so Let Me Do You a Learn

Or: As An Aang Stan I Got a Bit Over-Zealous But Lemme Explain Why For A Hot Minute

Plus some History and Tumblr commentary that even non-ATLA fans can chew on

And by ‘hot minute’ I do mean this is going to be a long meta, so strap in.  For those of you who just might be tuning into this debacle, I, a person who has not used Tumblr, much at all, except for the last half year, ran into some trouble. 

If you wanna skip the whole TLDNR interpersonal stuffs and get straight to Why Aang is the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread, I will embolden the relevant parts, and italicize the crit of Korra, if you want that alongside.

I was excited that ATLA was seeing a resurgence due to the Netflix remake. I wasn’t even trying to apply any steep expectations for it. (learned not to do that the hard way with the last live action adaption, and to a much lesser extent, ATLOK, since it had good . . . elements, *ba dum tsshh*) 

So, these are a couple aspects of the issue: (1) Even on the internet, I am extremely introverted and until recently mostly came for content, not socializing. My main online interactions thus far have been in forums and artist-to-artist on DA. Tumblr is still very strange to me because it splits up its ‘threads’ so you can’t see all the replies if a certain pattern of users responds in their own space. I’m not even 100% sure it’s in chronological order, and replies are not nested next to each other so you can look in the comments and someone will be replying to something you can’t see in that window. And also since it is a bizarre hybrid of a blogging system, posts are somehow considered ‘owned by’ or an ‘extension of’ OP in a way forum threads are not. (2) ATLOK was good in a cinematic and musical way, to be sure. It also had some good concepts. I can go into it just appreciating it for the worldbuilding and be somewhat satisfied. But the execution was terrible. I was on AvatarSpirit.Net for years, and If I had maintained my presence on ASN to current day and had gotten around to downloading their archive now that the forum is dead, I would include some links to other peoples’ detailed analyses on just how flawed both the plotting and Korra’s frustratingly flat learning curve was especially in the first two seasons. But, that is a task for another day, and only if people are interested. 

No, what I’m addressing today, on the issue of Korra as a writing exercise, is how Mike and Bryan said specifically they wanted to make her ‘as opposite to Aang as possible’ and in so doing, muddied the central theme of the original ATLA series.

Now, again, I was mainly an art consumer for my first major round of ATLA fandom. Tumblr is an alien beast to me. But, after I write my first major Aang meta, talking about how amazing it is that he has the attitude he does, and how being content in the face of this overwhelming pain and suffering is an ONGOING PROCESS and an INTENTIONAL DECISION and not a simple PERSONALITY TRAIT, I start hearing that Aang gets a lot of hate from the fandom. Now this would be bad enough if it were merely people not liking his crowning moment of pacifism because they don’t understand the potential utility (I’ll elaborate on that in another post) or the ethics involved.

Aang is easily the most adult member of the Gaang. But he apparently gets hate for his few moments where he actually acts his age, a preteen, and maybe kisses a girl in a historical timeframe in which ‘consent’ discussions were probably nonexistent. Even in the present day, we are still practically drowned in movies that reinforce this kissing without asking trope. And even some female bodied people complain that asking kills the mood! But somehow he is responsible and reprehensible for this, even though the first time she kissed him back. I’m only going to get into the pacifism discussion today, but that was just another layer of annoyance bouncing around in the back of my head.  Other peoples’ crit of Korra that was stewing in my subconscious, plus this Aang bashing, which thankfully I had not directly read much of, made up the backdrop of gasoline for the match that set it off.  Even that seems a pretty melodramatic way to phrase what I actually said, which was: Aang, on the other hand, lost dozens of father figures and was being steamrolled by Ozai who was gloating about genocide TO HIS FACE, yet he still reigned in all that quote, ‘unbelievable rage and pain’ (The Southern Raiders). We Stan Aang, the Superior Avatar. No I did not f**king stutter. #AangSupremacy In another meta, someone complained that I was too defensive of Aang as a character and didn’t apply literary analysis enough, which I quickly rectified.

What set this off? Someone was kind of indirectly praising the line from Korra,  “When I get out of here, none of you will survive” To them it was emotionally resonant or whatever, and I have to point out that no, it was a martial artist not having control of their state of mind, as is the bedrock of the practice. It was never addressed by the narrative, which is a severe oversight.  I had a conversation with someone in the chats, making this distinction between Korra’s character traits and life philosophy. If she were to kill people while enraged and she was fine with that, that’s one thing. But if she regretted it, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. People argue that she comes from a warrior culture, unlike Aang.

Never mind that warrior monks are a thing. That’s what Shaolin monks are. You can be a pacifist and skilled at fighting. Those things are not mutually exclusive, which is the whole point of Bagua, Aang’s style.  And also, Katara’s style. 

That’s one reason I like Kataang so much- their congruent styles. Both of their real world martial arts are dedicated to pacifism, even though ATLA specifically doesn’t spell that out for Katara and her learning arc. 

There was a meta where someone briefly tried to argue that knowing “martial arts” is against pacifism. No. Quite the opposite. I’d argue that you are not a true pacifist unless you know exactly how to handle yourself if someone attacks you.  If you are not in a position to make conscious decisions about how much force to use, rather than merely operating on survival instincts, that is not pacifism. Or at least, not any energy or effort towards pacifism as a practical everyday tool.  I’ve made a few attempts to learn some tai chi and aikido, and it’s improved my physical and mental health, but some other things have gotten in the way. #lifegoals

I’m not going to tag the unfortunate soul whom I was replying to, because they’re probably tired of all this, but I’ll be sending them a PM to say that I’ve made this into a different post, because as I mentioned before, threads are somehow considered “owned” by OP, so it’s been pointed out to me that I should separate it.  I also said, I have basically ZERO respect for Korra uttering violent threats when the writers already minted a far more emotionally devastated and yet still resilient and centered character earlier in their franchise. People always try to excuse away people who genuinely like Aang more.  As if it’s just nostalgia or whatever. For me, no, it’s absolutely not. It is respect for a character who stands toe to toe with real people who are kind in the face of overwhelming injustice. (I have another meta on that). 

Both OP and people in the chats try to make excuses that she wasn’t raised as a pacifist, and that would be fine if they had addressed it with Tenzin and she had stated outright that she was rejecting pacifism and mind training. As it is, we are left with this nebulous affair where the lines between ideology and personality traits are blurred. 

We are told she “has trouble with spirituality” but what does that even mean? Does she have trouble with focus? Does she have trouble relating to the canonically real spirits? And pacifism specifically nor inner peace that it flows from is never even talked about as an extension of spirituality, which is canonically tied to airbending.

“Aang didn't have to deal once with the loss of his autonomy in atla” OP claims.

This was after I had noted that Aang was getting kicked around by Ozai and was most likely going to die.  Similarly, someone in the chat rejected the idea that a 12 year old trapped in a stone sphere that is heating up under a cyclone-sized blowtorch feels powerless. 

Sorry but that’s flat out ridiculous.

No one wants to admit that both of these people were faced with similar situations, and when push came to shove, one showed his LIFE PHILOSOPHY through conscious effort, and the other was abandoning the basis of martial arts, which is, no matter what the situation, keep thinking. Hold the panic at bay. Non-attachment would have served her well in this situation. Tenzin should have told her this. Before, or afterwards. It should have been addressed in the writing.  

People see this as “bashing” Korra, and oh well, can’t help that. If I think the writers didn’t follow through on their themes, that is my concern.  OP said I was “offended.” No, not really. 

I wasn’t offended by the post itself, or its commentary. Thought I made that pretty clear.

This is not dramatics. Let me be blunt.

As a ideological pacifist, and an actual practitioner of meditation, based on Buddhism, NOT just the fan of some show, I am for calling out writers who write one way from the survivor of genocide, and then stray from that ‘thoughtless aggression is immoral no matter HOW hurt I am’ to ‘let’s not address this character’s aggression in the narrative whatsoever.’ OP attempted to derail by accusing me of being racist or sexist against Korra. Also ridiculous. It honestly should have set me off more, but it didn’t. 

Meditation is about reigning in your emotions. Managing your anger when it gets out of hand, and digging down to the roots of it. Being responsible for your own behavoir. Acknowledging ownership of your own actions. Not blaming anything YOU DO on anyone else or any circumstances in your life. Like an adult, or should I say, an enlightened adult.

Or at the very least, that is the ideal ypu strive towards while being imperfect in the present.

. . .

Now.

I’m going to quote a passage in a Google Doc of mine, even though I’d really prefer if you asked to read the whole thing, with context.

“What do humans do when it is necessary to, or greed makes a nation want to recruit?

They go to the army to get trained, right?

Granted, having someone scream and get spittle on your face is, in the grand scheme of things, poor preparation for having bullets whiz past your chest and grenades shatter your ears. And, what do you do to prepare you for the pain of getting your leg blown off? Hopefully, nothing. Like taking a test where you only got half the study guide. But, it’s about the most ethical way to go about it, right?

Not everyone even sees action. So any more more extensive mental preparation for physical pain than that, and you’d have people definitely protesting.

Well, as it turns out, pacifistic protestors themselves, if they were in the right time and place, also very intentionally do this type of mind training. Except, when they did it, they actually did sit still and took turns roughly grabbing each other and throwing each other down and in some cases, even kicking and bruising each other.

Turns out, those pacifists are, in some ways, more hardcore than the army.

Why is this?

Because a pacifist’s aim, unlike a unit, who wants to gain the upper hand in a situation, is to grit their teeth and grind their way through all those survival instincts, and totally submit.

In this, they aim to get the sympathy of the public, who clearly sees they are not aggressive, or a danger, no matter how much the footage is manipulated or suppressed.

In this, they hope to appeal to their attacker’s better nature.

Make them stop and think, wait a second, are these people a threat like we’re told they are? I’m attacking someone who’s letting me beat them up. Or a bunch of people. All forming a line, and letting us peel them off. Or sitting, and bowing their heads. If I’m on the ‘right’ side of things, the law, why am I doing this?

It’s not like a bully, who’s just a kid.” They’re more self-aware.

And might I add the situation influences a pacifist’s actions too. There’s no reason to let a single or a few random attackers beat you up if you can evade or disable without permanent damage.

Pacifism is a dynamic set of responsive actions informed by values. Not a proscribed set or a checklist.

But in terms of organizing against state power, and recording wrongdoing, which unlike during the Civil Rights can happen from all angles from smart phones nowadays, these are the motivations.

“So, the pacifist knows this, and that’s why they go through all that trouble of training themselves to, not only submit, but not turn tail and run, either.”

See, a character trait is something like being a morning person, or ways of handing information, or a given set of emotions a character feels. Once you cross over into actions, you must make the distinction of whether an impulsive character agrees with their own uncontrolled actions, or is embarrassed or remorseful. Those are life philosophy. Now sure, one type of person or character may be more likely to subscribe to pacifism, but there is no gatekeeping on what you have to feel or how you look at things. You can be easygoing, or feel all the rage in the world, but as long as you at least attempt to have a handle on those desires and feelings to where they do not cross into actions, you are still doing the work of metacognition, which is what martial arts and its accompanying mind training are for.

It’s what we see Aang do.

He’s informed us, during the Southern Raiders, on how much rage and pain he feels.

Pain points, TRIGGERS, that were directly struck at when Ozai gloated over him.

He joins with all the past Avatars for several moments, and just like every other time he is in the Avatar State, he is enraged. He wants to exact revenge on the unrepentant grandson of a baby murderer.

We see it when he turns his head away, face still screwed up in anger.

For another example, I could cite my difficulties in being aware and reining in my tongue sometimes. I know the roots of these issues and I seek to let them go.

It’s just that process takes way longer than Guru Pathik would have us assume.

In fact, I would even say that Aang’s portrayal throughout the three seasons is not strictly a realistic representation of at least the sad side of grief. I addressed that a little when I talked about real life figures. But what it IS, is a metaphor that cuts very deep to the heart of pacifism. As I showed in that Doc . . . There is no limit of suffering a pacifist is willing to go through, internal or external, for the preservation of peace.

This was demonstrated during the Civil Rights, and with Gandhi and all his followers beforehand, inspiring them. The pacifists’ method of swaying hearts is probably the reason BLM exists in such numbers as it does today. Will the types of narratives that correspond with their full stories of the way they collectively planned and trained for and approached conflict make it into fantasy media? I’d say, probably not. For a host of reasons.

It could be hoped for, I guess.

But we DO have Aang.

As for myself, whether speaking sharply is an “action,” per se is up for debate- certainly it doesn’t seem to violate the non-aggression principle put forth by the vision of a “stateless society.”

For another example, let’s take my explanation at the beginning. I am examining how circumstances affected my actions, and now am attempting to fix it, if indeed it needs to be fixed. 

At least one person said that it not so much what I said, but how and when I said it. I don’t actually think I’ve said anything “wrong” per se. So I have to figure it out. 

[I’m considering splitting up this next part into a second post, as it only slightly relates to pacifism itself and is just kinda some more commentary on Tumblr itself- Tumblr discourse, as it were]

[I’ll put more brackets when I’m done in case you want to skip this part as well]

An interesting social difference between Tumblr and other places is this command you often get, “don’t chat/reblog/message me back.”

This is interesting for several reasons. For chats and reblogs, other people may be following the “conversation,” so it’s actually pretty rude and presumptuous to tell a person not to respond to whatever you said, because other people watching still may be interested in your take.

In a forum setting, if someone involved in a conversation doesn’t have anything left to say, usually they just don’t respond.

This method would work perfectly fine for Tumblr, but for some reason, maybe its super odd format, probably due to the “ownership”/“extension of self” I mentioned at the beginning of the essay, people don’t tend to do this.

Now, in comment sections, sometimes you’ll run across an amusing sort of “mutually assured destruction” where two people both say this to each other. You’d better stop responding. Omg just give up. Why are you still arguing. Etc.

But see, no matter where this behavoir pops up, and no matter who starts in on it, those who do this usually want to have the last say on the matter.

Instead of merely not replying, they want to assert verbal control over the conversation.

Tumblr, in its weirdness, is also sort of like a mutant comments section. You can post comment section threads as your own post.

Which is one reason why I’m puzzled when people say ‘don’t read the comment sections’ when Tumblr is so popular.

I’m an oddball in that I browse comment sections for fun.

Probably due to alexithymia, I didn’t really comprehend the emotional toll it takes on many people, so the warnings to “stay out of comment sections” read to me like “hey don’t eat that dessert.” After I’m done with the ‘meal’ of an article or art, I like to see what lots of different people have to say about it. The fluff. Anything vitriolic I either blip over, or extract anything useful, or if I judge the person is reasonable enough, I might engage.

Sometimes I mis-judge on how reasonable someone is, and I shrug and move on after being cussed out or whatever.

In this, I suppose I succeed much of the time in being a verbal pacifist.

[But let’s get back to the more serious stuff.]

We’re talking about what is done in life or death situations, here.

For myself, I may in the near future be working more with dangerously mentally ill people. I’ve had a little exposure to it through various means. Nurses are obligated not to retaliate against patients, and those who have, have been fired in some situations. Again oddly, this is not primarily what triggers my anxiety. Unfortunately enough, this requirement has also resulted in nurses getting seriously injured and violated. I hope to influence whether “no harm” techniques such as tai chi and aikido and arm locks may be allowed. The voluntary philosophy I was luckily already on board with is enforced by bureauacracy, directly relevant to my potential profession.

Were someone to get involved in a dangerous profession, such as a police officer, their moral duty would also be to own up to any spur of the moment anger or fear they acted on. 

It’s just that their bureaucracy acts differently, in excusing their actions.

Ideally, they would be taking steps far in advance, to avoid this often-cited fear of death reaction. As training pacifists like Aang do. 

And yes, army people are trained differently than police officers because the army, often, even when threatened, is supposed to avoid engagement or deploy deterrents that are non-lethal almost all costs, unless ordered otherwise. Whereas American police are given pretty much complete discretion and often not taught de-escalation techniques. Even police from other nations are better trained in that regard.

Enter the ironically named @avatarfandompolice whose account description should really speak for itself. Combative, dismissive, and their attention-hungry bread and butter is to find people they think it’s acceptable to ridicule.  They basically tried to say trauma was a valid excuse to take out your anger on other people, and in this situation, potentially kill. 

Now, does this hold up in the real world? Yeah, sometimes. Especially if some law breaker or law keeper has not been given the anger management tools, they perhaps could be excused, or better yet, rehabilitated.

But especially if anyone finds themselves in dangerous situations, or intends to put themselves in such, it falls to them to do this preparation.

As an aphant, I am at a bit of a disadvantage, compared to an average martial artist, being unable to visualize an attacker. But I still attempt it.

As the main “police officer” of the world- the coincidentally blue clad figurehead that is supposed to keep order, it is apparently fine for Korra to not do the work Aang did to keep level. To blow it off as too much trouble: clearing the First Chakra of fear. For herself or others. And its resultant anger. Had she had access to the Avatar State, the authority figure pretty much would have killed people.  This is what the “fandom police” and a certain chat goer ultimately support. Maybe they didn’t understand it that way, and since the second had blocked me, they will also never see this explanation. Unless I were to share it in Google Doc form I suppose.

So, I responded. “Remember kids, you are not responsible for your own behavior if you have the excuse that someone else did something bad to you.” A frighteningly common sentiment on this site.

When it’s low stakes like CAPSLOCKING or internet fights, that’s not such a big deal. But what happens if this attitude leaks into the real world? This isn’t even about Korra or Aang anymore, it’s about toxic mindsets. I didn’t know fans taking pro-Korra posts as anti-Aang was a common in the fandom. I’ll say again I’ve only just gotten really active on Tumblr like the past few months. This is about pacifism itself. MLK and his hardworking, training followers (yes some of them sixteen and POC and not super-powered like Korra) facing down firehoses and staging sit-ins long trained for would shake their heads at this defense of reactionism. 

Pacifism is not a Personality Trait.

It is deliberate actions and preparation taken over a period of time.

Then the “fandom police” tried more of this, and these two conversations ensued, the comments with another user resulting in the title and main thesis of this essay:

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638777472806273024/avatarfandompolice-response-to-my-independent

https://captlok.tumblr.com/post/638806142933467136/the-plight-was-not-what-i-was-getting-at-it-was

[letfatewritethewords]

I process things with art. I process with written words in the hopes that one day it can be spoken without my voice shaking. This week has been one for the books.. and I decided to share. This is long, but I want to remember what I’m learning.. how I’m processing.. if you decide to read, thank you. If not, this will still be here as a reminder of my progress every year.

I always tell people that there was no reason for my name, but it’s a lie. I’m named after Samantha on BeWitched. My grandfather loved that show and suggested it when my mother couldn’t decide. I was born in early September and that makes me a Virgo. Astrology is one of my favorite things. There’s something extraordinary about the idea that we’re connected to the universe by the positioning of the stars. Sometimes it’s so vague.. but other times, it’s right on the nose and my horoscopes will make me cry. Speaking of that, I’m an empath and a 2. When I’m unhealthy, I’m a 4 and If you know what any of that means, I’d love to talk to you more about it. Winter is my favorite season. Fall is a close second. I love the snow and how muted everything is. I like the quiet, the beauty. Sometimes, the light from the sun will shimmer off a fresh coat of snow on the ground. It is absolutely blinding, but I’d still stare, and when the snow fell at night, I’d watch it under the street light across from my house and it felt like time stood still. When I was little, I would lay in the yard full of snow, alone, in my puffy suite, until my fingers and toes would go numb from the cold, listening to the silence, but the best part of those days was going back into my grandparents house and warming up with hot coco made on the stove, wrapping myself in a soft blanket and watching old movies with my grandfather. To me, the Winter is magical. My love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. I’m an introvert but I love people. I like to observe, I like to really understand how the mind works and Im eager to help. I thrive in controlled chaos. I like puzzles, I love music, I like crafts, I like to fix things because grandpa always taught me that nothing is to broken to fix. Nothing. No one.

This is the light. This is the part of me that I give willingly to anyone I meet. I wear it on my sleeve. It’s only the light. Until the last 2 years.. this was all I could give of myself because I’ve always been scared of the dark.

The darkest part of me lasted 8 years, my rock bottom lasted 4.5, but as a whole it’s taken up almost 12 years of my life. Sometimes I worry that all I'm ever going to be is this thing that happened to me. That this will define me for the rest of my life and I need to remind myself that I’m a person that can live separate from an event.

I went to the police station this week, I filled out more forms. I’ve filled out so many forms over the last 2 years. For an emergency restraining order this time. For Florida this time. I knew it would eventually follow me here but typhus felt too soon. The clerk called me brave. I smile and thank them every time but I never know how to respond to that. She has no idea how weak it feels and I mean.. how could she. This is the right choice, the obvious choice, the smart choice. In a different situation, it’s one of the many steps I’d be urging someone else to take. In all the chaos, all the hurt, in all the anger and sadness.. it always circles back to “I loved him”. I did. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to see him grow and heal and if I loved him hard enough for the both of us, it would’ve evened out eventually… right?

I failed.

He was always who he was, but I was young and naive and ready to fix the whole world. When I was 18 and we were free, I would’ve told you he saved me. Now that I’m in my 30’s… and he’s in prison and I’m in limbo.. I don’t know what I’d tell you. He didn’t save me, but he didn’t destroy me either. I had every opportunity to tap out and give up.. but I grew into a person I might not have been if I never met him.

Am I angry? All of the time.

Am I scared? Yes.

I see things more clearly now though. People talk about how you never know someone’s story, and that’s because we are experts at playing pretend like we have it all figured out until we’re alone and have to face truest selves. The facade is the hardest thing to give up. Some people saw through mine and there are others, who have built their own, that never will. I share posts about what I’ve learned, how I see people, how I’ve try to treat people with grace and teach children with love and patience in hopes that a little of that sinks into whoever it reaches, but I very rarely show the journey. Partly because I know the details are gruesome and that’s not for everyone, but mostly because I’m scared.

How will you see me?

What will you think?

I’m learning that I’m not this big awful thing that happened to me. I was never anyone’s property and I’m not chained to it anymore. I was very much lied to and manipulated and hurt long enough that it flipped onto me and I carried it without missing a step. I wanted to love him so much that I would heal him. Instead, he “loved” me so much it almost killed me, and he did call it love. Enough times that he re-defined it and I didn’t use that word for a very long time in any meaningful situation. He, for better or for worse, drastically changed the trajectory of my life.

But it’s ok.

I’m wounded but I’m healing. I’m lonely, but I’m learning how to slowly welcome more people in and step out of my comfort zone. If I’m being honest, I’m relearning a lot of things, including how to exist in a world where I have room to make mistakes and fail. I can say or do the wrong thing and be gently corrected for it by my people and move on … sans violence. There are no words for amount of relief I feel because of that truth.

Is it over? No.

He was sentenced to 7 years last year and every year around mid July early August there is an opportunity to apply for an appeal based on his behavior, which will always be immaculate because he is not as tough as he thinks he is. This means that if he applies and it goes to trial, I’m also notified and have to reappear, show any new evidence, and reexplain why he needs to stay there for the safety of others and myself. Telling my story once a year on a whim to a room full of strangers, always men, so they can decide my fate, as well as the fate of this “upstanding young man with a good head on his shoulders” (actual words used during my initial rape/domestic abuse trial against him), was never what I imagined finally turning him in would look like. I really never thought that after everything, his sentence wouldn’t even be as long as our relationship. The original sentence was 5 years. After he got out on a Governor Cuomo Covid related prison loophole and broke his parole almost immediately, he was sentenced to another 2 on top of that. He has 6 left. We talk about how flawed our system is, but really seeing it is a different kind of punch. Women aren’t believed. There’s a reason so many of these crimes go unreported, and why so many women die at the hands of angry men. The hoops you have to jump through are miles high and on fire, and when you and the advocate show up armed only with your truth, your tears and a little evidence from one night at a bar when he got to drunk and forgot he was in public, it’s very easy for a judge to rule on the softer side. Because, as you all know, we’d never want to ruin a wealthy mans life unless there’s cold, hard, reason to.

Seeing his face when they read out his sentence, after years of terror, was satisfying to say the least and if I hadn’t been so numb to get through the hearing, I would’ve enjoyed it more. I will never forget going to a trusted friends house after that hearing and being completely overwhelmed with all of the emotions. Relief, guilt, sadness, anger, happiness, fear.. so many I couldn’t express.. all at once because the novocain wears off and numb isn’t forever and I fell asleep with their dog after a lot of crying. I’d be lying though if I said that 18 year old in me didn’t feel a loss. I grew up with incredible grandparents that did amazing things in teaching me how to love people and be a good human, but no one can protect us from everything. I also grew up with a mother who fights demons of her own and never had the capacity to love two kids. In a situation like that, someone becomes the punching bag. I became the punching bag and desperately looked for ways out, an opportunity to run.. and I ran right into him, who accepted me with open arms for the first time in my young, very inexperienced life.. and I followed him blindly and he was my whole world. Until I was 27, I didn’t have a guide. By the grace of God I landed into a community in Florida that slowly helped me realize my worth.

So.. what now.

How do we fix what our parents and past broke?

How do you reparent yourself?

The mental health journey is proving to be my biggest struggle yet. There’s no more outside factors, it’s just me and the lies that have fed me for years and altered how I think and feel and understand the world. I can feel myself frustrating people I’ve let close to me. I feel myself getting nervous and pushing people away. Sometimes I can catch it and regroup, other times that nasty little voice is too loud and I’m exhausted. My goodness though, how cool is it to learn so much about yourself? I know I have the capacity to love that broken part of me eventually, but it’s still hard to face. Getting to learn and understand the reason behind your actions is terrifyingly amazing. I am proud of this journey. Even when I don’t always come up on top. It’s hard to see the progress while you’re in it, but laying it all out like this.. I can safely say I’m never going to be that 18 year old girl ever again. Some days this journey looks different, some days the darkness wins, because healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s one step forward, 2 steps back… but nothing is too broken to fix.. and I will never call that darkness home again.

[oreocheesecakeshake]

Shen yuan Appreciation Post

·      He’s a nerd and a proud nerd at that .When he woke up in Shen Yuan’s body ,his reaction wasn’t the typical “are you guys filming a movie?” and what not .Its something that he’d decided beforehand ,so clearly he had fantasized about being part of the fictional world before. Relatable ,eh?

o   .The way he knows all those monsters and proudly gives lectures about them –what.a.dork. :D.

o   Also ,I think he called himself a semi-otaku at some point of the book. Personally ,I think he’s a complete otaku but okay .

·       He’s smart ,well not book smart . we all remember that glorious moment when he quite spiritedly went for the easy mode on the mission ,he had no qualms about it either which I really appreciate .Why go for the hard way when you have an easy way out ?why so much unnecessary angst ?

o   All those times when he indirectly interfered with the story with all those loopholes he had found within the system-Bargaining and reason with the system as to how he wasn’t OOC .

o   My favorite part is when he soothes Luo Binghe after scapegoating him in carefully picked words “Then this master will also tell you .Even if something does happen nothing will happen to you.”

o   His otaku knowledge on monsters and how he applies it .

·       His is easy –going ,content with how things are and makes do with what he has .While I love rooting for the protagonist as goes about his endeavors with the goal to “catch ‘em all” or works his way to the tap overcoming obstacle-after-obstacle repeatedly breaking his limbs in the process *cough*Izuku Midoriya *cough*.Shen Yuan isn’t about all that ,infact he is quite baffled with shen qingui for going  out of his way to sabotage Luo Binghe out of envy

o   .But that’s the fact, isn’t it? –he isn’t the protagonist ,he is a millennial ,an otaku thrown into the fictional world where Luo Binghe is the protagonist –he can take care of the passionate chase to the top, the dramatic monolouges,the angst ,shen yuan is fine sitting back –out of the spotlight.

o   Maybe it was a design keeping in mind that Shen Yuan will have to take up the identity of Shen Qingui ,Shen Yuan’s mild temperament and mild mannerisms probably makes it easier for him to imitate Shen Yuan’s expressions contrary to someone who’s more extreme in his temperament

·       His id is cucumber bro .

·       He is the physical manifestation of ‘fake it till you make it ‘ or ‘ I might seem sorted but I screaming in my head’ which is such a typical millennial move and can’t we all relate ?.I love how he -adorned in his robes ,a sword hanging at his left side and right hand holding a fan seems like a refined ,ethereal man while internally he’s cursing the author or having a banter with the system .Honestly ,I love his sarcasm laced inner dialogue .I would totally read  about second generation rich Shen Yuan going about his very  mundane everyday life.

·       He’s Kind and he doesn’t even know it . When the other characters shower him with appreciation or acknowledge him –he awkwardly tries to change the subject as he thinks that if they were to know what his devices really were, they wouldn’t think so.He’s under the impression that he’s some evil schemer but he’s not.I don’t think he can be evil if he wanted to be .Most of his actions towards Luo Binghe aren’t deliberate but are reflex responses .He’s well aware of the ‘protagonist’s halo ‘ and has witnessed it (and read about it )many times –remember that time when the whole  fucking ceiling fell in because binghe was in danger ??He intervenes when Binghe was getting bullied by using the “plucked leaves flying flowers technique” ,got stabbed while shielding his body, feels personally offended when Binghe is getting humiliated and those head pats are definitely not necessary –they were unconscious actions coming from  and his kindness just doesn’t extend to Luo Binghe , he feels moved by Yue Qingyuan’s brotherly affections ,even condemns the original character for being able to betray such a person, he even worries for Ming Fang wishing that he’d stop acting in such a brash manner , he frequently worries for the I.Q of the females within the novel (Ning Yingying’s character development was amazing ,though ).

o   Most of all he even found it in himself to be courteous to Que Haitang –keeping in mind that the original character had done her wrong. The natural response of a person when accused for something they did not do is get angry . He was ready to shoulder the original characters wrongdoings and that’s something ,alright .His ‘evil devices ‘consisted of prodding and poking Liu Qingqi.Because his little acts of kindness are such an instinct for him ,he doesn’t even realize that he is kind.

·       He both owned the character of Shen Qingqui and made it his own as well :

o   He both dressed and adopted  the old Shen Qingqui’s mannerisms keeping his face cold ,giving out slight nods as a form of greeting but his slight smiles were his .When Luo Binghe happened to glance upon his person when a laugh slipped out from his lips ,he described him having “ eyes like stars , a wide smile ,a greeting filled with laughter ‘. The original Shen Qingqui was incapable of such an emotion . The warmth  and affection of Shen Yuan made Shen Qingqui more beautiful somehow .

o   Although , he isn’t as ambitious as the former SQ , he did what must be done for survival. He did inherit the powers and spiritual energy of SQ but it was like he was handed down some contraption without a manual telling how to use it .He went into seclusion at the spirit caves of Qiong Ding Peak and he devoted himself to months of cultivation until he could freely use his spirit power .

o   His book nerd rants about monsters were his own ,his will to protect his sect.The relationships he built up with people were solely his own, the original SQ  was filled upto the brim with hatred and he could never appreciate them .

·       Shen Qingqui and his fan .An aesthetic .That iconic moment when he fought the Sha Hualing’s demon army –

“…..It was particularly so for Shen Qingqiu: his ease of movement as his sword whirled into afterimages of sword light in the air all while shaking his fan leisurely, every seven steps giving rise to a poem to send forth, this sort of stunning style!”

 . i was supposed to be writing my legal research paper but somehow I ended up writing this :/

[meggie-stardust]

GUNDAM WING - REWATCH - 48 - 49

We’ve reached the end...

48. Take Off Into Confusion

Throwing us right in with “Gotta do better. I’m over here.” Totally Classic Treize.

Let’s wax philosophical Treize, right in the middle of a battle field. 

Wufei is a monogamous fighter

This is some sexy foreplay

The scientists have a plan, but we need to somehow going to sneak 5 of us into Peacemillion...? It’s not a very good plan is it? 

There’s a big chance Libra will crash into Canada… sorry Canada 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

Zechs: if they both crash, they’ll have an eternal winter; IDK Zechs, in Eva they get an eternal summer after the Second Impact, so which is right?

“Like me, Zechs Marquise.” What a line Zechs.

I don’t like the helmet touch between Heero and Relena.. and this isn’t because I’m not a 1xR shipper. It’s just weird, and feels out of character for Heero, and kind of tacked on? 

Also, since when did Heero promise to protect Relena? I remember threatening to kill her a few times... I don’t think those words mean the same thing?

Relena gets an NCIS freeze frame there

Dorothy: Let’s have a sexy foreplay sword fight. I’ve learned everything I know from my cousin Treize. 

Dorothy is nut bar, and it’s so wonderful. My dad died and I hate it, so I’m gonna die too. 

Aww Dorothy is gonna make Quatre cry

“But Heero is on a suicide mission.” And that’s different from normal, how? 

Heavyarms using his arms like they’re, you know, heavy

Trowa and Duo meeting in battle: We’re dudes and can’t tell each other that we care, but take care and, you know, don’t die

The scientists get to ride in the bat wings?! I bet that’s like when you’re a kid and get to ride in the back-back seat of a station wagon (am I dating myself here?)

Rashad: “Fellow Comrades: no one is allowed to die until we see master Quatre.”

Dorothy read Watchmen and was like, if we create one huge war, then they’ll all come together in peace

Quatre: Trowa taught me to not shy away from my kindness…. DID HE THO? WHEN????

Treize and Wufei: I want to fight you fair and square: why don’t you have sword fight on this spaceship

Treize: I couldn’t kill someone who understood me. I’m not gonna cry.

Treize is so amazing. All the people who died for him. You’re crying.

He has such presence. 

Wufei sobbing. I didn’t think I’d win. OK, I AM CRYING

Treize WAS splendid

Earth declared defeat but White Fang will still crash the ship into earth…

Relena looking for Heero: I’ll just jump out into space and float around until I find him. 

49. The Final Victor

No narrator. Just jumping right into the episode since we are still in the middle of a battle, people.

This is a long con Zechs: to create such a horrible disaster that people want pacifism. No way should that have worked.

Noin is just going to sit there and watch and do nothing. You started off so strong, Noin and then.... nothing.

Noin should probably just put that western shirt on and mosey out into the sunset

Zechs: I’ve got 99k problems and they are all dead people who fought for total pacifism for me

How funny would it be Duo drops the scientists off and like 2 are dead and one has an arm hanging off. Oops. 

Everyone’s long con came is intense. Une was also here for total pacifism, too? Feels weird that she had to murder Relena’s dad for that...

Howard will just lay some science on everyone so that we know why we can’t drop a battleship on earth

Trowa is just gonna lecture Dorothy. He’s not mad, he’s just disappointed. Dorothy can’t take such stoic disappointment. 

Quatre is such a spoil sport. Non-alochollic champaign. Lame. No wonder I don’t like you.

Let’s televise this fight to earth and space, so just random people understand what’s happening in space

CANS was part of operation mentor?? 

The Scientists: We’re gonna interfere once more. KABOOM We blew everything up, including ourselves. YOLO

Heero and Zechs using the ZERO system are like two drunk people having a debate over something dumb while all their friends look on annoyed

The colonies are just covering all their bases, by choosing sides again this late in the game.

Zechs doubling down just because he doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong is fantastic

Obligatory it’s just a flesh wound reference 

SO let me get this straight. Knoweldge goes from Heavyarms to Trowa to Quatre? 

The Maganacs riding into the battle at the last moment like a calvary movie

Heero learned from Trowa, too. Learned how to run out of bullets. Hey-o.

No you blow up, no you blow up. 

Sally: I believe in him, he can defy physics and science 

Heero: I will survive Hey hey. But like, the Cake version

Wow bringing Just Communication back. Amazing. OK, It’s better than Rhythm Emotion. There I said it. 

Look at those mentors, from project mentor

Who’s grave was she putting flowers on if not Zechs??

Relena: Next time hand it to me in person; Heero: Ok bye forever

Thoughts:

There are so many moments were characters are like THIS person did this, or THIS person said that. AND WHEN? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??? Off screen, because that ain’t in the series, guys. 

I could write a whole essay one the last battle between Treize and Wufei and boy does it stand up to everything I remembered. A+ Great work, Lads. 

But the rest of these last two episodes... visually they look amazing and we get some great fights. But the plot? Really? Everyone was in for this long con of having such a big fight that everyone would want pacifism? Like, what if Treize and Zechs just talked to the Gundam Pilots? 

The whole first 1/2 to 3/4 of the show is set up so well, and everything is so slowburn, that I had to make a chart for when characters learn each other’s names. But suddenly Heero comes in and FINALLY does something right, and saves the day.... and the show is over??? 

We get no aftermath? Suddenly Relena WHO IS FIFTEEN is a Vice Foreign Minister? And Heero probably left her some important info and she just tears it up. UGH I HATE IT

What I think I remember for the next episode(s):

So, before @mpanighetti​and I watch Endless Waltz, we have decided to watch the Operation Meteor OVA, which neither of us have seen before, and has this description: Set immediately after the ending of the Gundam Wing series (and thus before Endless Waltz), this OVA features a series of 7 clips, one from each pilot's point of view as well as a beginning and ending. The clips give a glimpse into what happened to all five characters in the direct aftermath of the final battle against White Fang. After we watch this, we will head into Endless Waltz, and I am excited to revisit that, as I think I only watched it like twice, but I remember the ending because I thought it was the ending to the series. So don’t worry, you haven’t seen the last of my shitty recaps and shitposts. 

[demonwifey]

Birthday Surprise🎉🎁

Yo, what’s up ya’ll✌🏽 So yesterday was my birthday and thanks again to everyone on here and twitter that sent me a happy birthday wishes💗 This practically me self-inserting because I had this idea for my birthday. So it’s a gift to myself and you guys. THIS IS A 18+ FIC. IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER, DO NOT READ. Hope you guys enjoy!💚💜🖤

Beetlejuice x black+AFAB!reader

Warnings: Drunk reader, ropeplay/shibari (kinda), NSFW🔞

Word Count: 3,064

So, Happy Birthday! You’re officially 24! Although that should have been exciting, it really wasn’t. It’s not like you were having a bad day, it just wasn’t anything special. After your 18th birthday it just seemed like another day. Although your family might have bought your favorite dessert, or your friends took you out for a fun time, birthday’s just weren’t the same as from when you were a kid. 

However, birthday’s did have a different meaning once you became an adult; specifically when you hit 21. Like you said, your friends took you out for a good time. Which basically meant getting so drunk that you wouldn’t leave bed the next morning. You didn’t mind, if only for one day out of the entire year. And this year wasn’t going to be any different...if you didn’t have a certain clingy demon staying at your place. 

Oh boy, the type of tantrum you knew Beetlejuice would throw if you were gone all night. When he first came around, he didn’t even like it when you left for work. You were gone most of the day but you’d be right back. As if that gave him any ease. Then you two started dating and he took it to a whole new level. Of course, you were able to leave. It's not like he held you hostage. But that didn’t stop him from dragging on your leg and begging not to leave while you headed for the door. Although it wasn’t easy being with Beetlejuice, you loved him nonetheless. 

Given all this knowledge of Beej’s clinginess, it made you worry about tonight. Your best friends were taking you out but you didn’t really want to go. You actually didn’t mind staying in with Beej, chowing down on some store bought birthday cupcakes, and watching your favorite movies. Not to mention, knowing Beej, the amazing birthday sex you’d get at the end of the night. That sounded WAY more appealing than standing in a hot and sweaty club with music so loud you’d have to scream to be heard.

But no matter how much you opposed, your friends begged you to come out. And you still would’ve said no if they didn’t say “Y/N, you never hang out with us anymore! All you do is stay home. It’s like you’re hanging out with some secret boyfriend or something.”  

And you not being the so subtle person accidentally froze in place before trying to counter by speaking too quickly, “Uhh, Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.” 

And they caught on immediately. You knew your friends would’ve done everything in their power to get you talking about you “secret boyfriend”. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if he wasn’t a dead demon. So you agreed to their plans but to not be out all night. The latest being 11:00. Although they gave groans of disappointment, they still agreed. 

Now, you’d been with Beej for at least a year. Out of all the tricks and scare pranks he did to you, his reaction to your news was the scariest. He was...calm. His hair stayed it’s natural bright color. There wasn’t any change in expression on his face. Not even the slightest eyebrow twitch. He wasn’t even fazed by the outfit you had on. A short, all black, velvet dress that hugged your curves just right and a pair of 6-inch block heels to match. Your hair was done up and you had just a touch of makeup on that made you look different than your usual self. All that and no major reaction.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, babycakes.” He spoke. He walked up to you, still so calm and composed. Once he was close enough, a cold hand gently pushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear before an even colder palm rested against your cheek. “Practically good enough to eat.” 

“Ah...ha. Yeah, I mean. If you want me to stay here, that’s fine too, Beej. I can just call my friends and tell them-” But he quickly stopped you. 

“No, no, no. Don’t go cancelling plans on account of me, Y/N.” His voice started normal but then got lower as he finished. 

You felt his thumb make its way to your lips. It grazed them ever so lightly, like he wasn’t trying to mess with your lipstick, before adding a small pressure to your bottom lip. You knew that was a signal to open your mouth as he slipped his thumb in. He gently pressed it against your tongue before swirling it around, getting the digit wet from your saliva. You never looked away from his golden eyes, and thank God for that. Although the was able to maintain himself, the look of lust and domination in his eyes was enough to make you say “fuck whatever plans were happening tonight”. Absentmindedly, you went to swirl your tongue around his finger as well. But before you could put in any work, he slowly pulled the thumb away. 

You would’ve let out a whine if he didn’t place a hand on your lower back and walk you closer to the door. You weren’t sure if you should be scared and relieved. One one hand, he wasn’t being super drastic like normal. Which was great. You wouldn’t feel bad all night about leaving him for the night. On the other hand, what exactly was keeping him so calm? And what were his plans for when you got back? He places your purse in your hands before giving you a deep kiss on the lips.

“Beej, I-“ But before you could continue, your phone dinged. Your friends texted that they were outside. 

“Just enjoy yourself tonight, babes.” His husky voice echoed through your ears, practically making you melt in his arms. 

He then opened the door in front of you before giving a light tap on your ass. The contact was enough to make you let out a small yelp before stumbling forward out the door frame. The heat that filled your cheeks was practically burning. It’s not like you were a blushing virgin but something about this whole thing is making you feel like one. You quickly gained your balance before looking back. Beetlejuice stood in the doorway with a sinister smile on his face. The last thing you noticed was a streak of hot pink that flashed in his hair. 

“I’ll be here when you get back.” And with that, he shuts the door in front of you. The look on your face had too many emotions to uncover in one sitting. All you could do was turn to walk to your friend’s car as they waited. 

You sat in the back seat as they all screamed “Happy Birthday, biiiitttccch!” Not holding back any of the excitement in their voices. You would play along until you adjusted in your seat and felt dampness in your panties. You tried to not to squirm too much once you noticed the feeling.

“Ha...haha. Thanks, you guys.” You say, trying to remain cool. God, the night hadn’t even started and you were really to get back inside to Beej. You just pray that the night ends quick.

****

You weren’t exactly sure what time it was. All you knew was that you were somehow in the backseat of your friend’s car, head laying someone’s lap. Your words were slurred as you tried to keep singing the last song you heard before you all exited the club. Almost everyone in the car, except the driver, seemed to be drunk but not on the same level as you.

All night, your friends wouldn’t stop handing you drinks. If there was one thing they were gonna do, it was make sure you got happy drunk on your birthday. Although you tried to resist, somehow you always ended up with a newly poured glass in your hand. You had basically been thinking about Beetlejuice all night. Both scared and excited for what he had in store for you once you got home. You forget when your thoughts started getting clouded and fuzzy from the alcohol, but you assumed it was after the fourth pineapple vodka was handed to you. You were turned on when you left the house but now it was increased by ten with the alcohol in your system. 

Once the car was parked in front of your house one of your friends offered to walk with you to the door. You reassured them it was fine though. Yeah you’d probably stumble a little bit but you were perfectly able to walk on your own. You thanked everyone for a great night before trying your hardest not to fall on your ass while approaching the door. 

“Pay my tuition just to kiss me on this wet ass pussy~” You mumbled while fumbling with your keys at the door. God, you never hated door locks more than now.

After struggling for what seemed like forever, you finally unlocked and pushed through the door with success. Accidentally slamming it behind you, you flinched but giggled at the loud sound. 

“Beej, I’m home! Come get some of this wet ass pussy!” You yelled from your position. This actually would’ve been the first time Beetlejuice would’ve seen you like this. He didn’t actually know how rowdy you got when super drunk. You quickly dropped your keys and purse to the floor while your shoes weren’t far behind. No response was heard from Beetlejuice so you yelled again. 

“Beetlejuicssse! It’ss my birthday! I want birthday sex now!” You stumbled across the room while laughing at your own silliness. You loudly stomped across the room but still no answer from Beej. Now you were getting frustrated. 

“Beej! Where are you?!” You yelled but not as loud as before. Again, no answer. You thought maybe he’d left. And the thought alone made you sad. It was your birthday. Why would he leave you like this? It wouldn’t be long before you started drunk crying so you moved over to the couch, trying to quickly calm down before you lost it. As you sat thought, you noticed a box sitting on the coffee table. 

The box was small. Just about the size of your hands. It was black and white striped with a silk dark green ribbon tied to the top in a bow shape. The box basically mimicked Beej’s everyday suit. You blinked in confusion before clumsily picking it up. Did he leave this here, you thought. As if the answer wasn’t obvious. You stared at it for a moment before seeing the small note attached to the ribbon. It was black with a white heart stamped in the center. You flipped it over to see a sloppily written message on the back. 

To: My favorite babe, Y/N.

From: BJ, the sexiest demon you’ll ever know.

It took everything in your power not to snort at the message. But you smiled nonetheless. Okay, so he wasn’t here. At least he left you a gift. Maybe you two could spend the day together tomorrow. Your fingers fumbled to untie the bow just like with your keys. You were still drunk enough to laugh at yourself though. It didn’t take long for you to get the bow undone as you quickly lifted to top of the box. 

You weren’t exactly sure what you expected but this wasn’t it. Inside was one tiny thing of black and white striped rope. Nothing else. Just that. 

“Uh, okay.” You thought out loud. 

You were way too confused and way too drunk to really make sense of this. Even so, you reached inside the box to grab the robe and pull it out. Just as you were about to get a closer look at it, the rope started moving. On its own. You honestly would have blamed the alcohol for playing tricks on your mind if the rope didn’t snake it’s way up your arm. It moved so slow and smoothly like a snake slithering its way up your arm. You’d been with Beej long enough to be used to anything supernatural, so this whole thing didn’t really phase you. Not only that, but seeing the way the rope slid up your body started making you feel...aroused? Yeeaaah, maybe it was time to go to bed. 

However, just before you could get up, another piece of rope emerged from the box and wrapped around your ankle. That’s when you looked up to see the strange sight in front of you: different ends of rope slithering their way out of the tiny box. No like snakes but instead like tentacles. Again, you weren’t too phased but this was a little weird. That’s when you felt two more ends of the rope wrap around your ankle and wrist. 

Your head was still a little hazy and this whole thing was making you feel dizzy. And on top of feeling turned on, it almost was like you were on cloud nine. Just as you were about to move again, you noticed the green ribbon sliding its way up your chest. The was the last thing you saw before it quickly snapped itself around your eyes. And you weren’t sure how it happened, but somehow you blacked out.

****

You slowly blinked your eyes open once you came to. The room seemed blurry but it was slowly becoming clearer with each second. As your vision went back to normal, you could tell that you were in your bedroom...in your bedroom...upside down? What the hell? 

You shook your head before widening your eyes. You were upside down, in the air. You tilted your head backwards to see your bed directly under you. You quickly tilted back up to see your body was laying straight, like you were on your back, but entangled in the black and white rope from before. Not only that, you were completely naked. The only thing you could really see was the way the rope squeezed against your breast. Further down you could see your legs being held up and spread out with rope wrapped tightly around each ankle. Not long did it take you to feel the tightness of rope around your whole body, including the way your arms were pulled tightly behind your back. 

“Uh, fuck, ah. Beej?” You groaned, out trying to look around but not getting much of a view. It seemed as though you sobered up a little but still your head swimming. You couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol, the hundreds of questions you had, or the fact that you were hanging upside down.

“Beetlejuice?!” You called out again. The whole thing felt like deja vu from when you first got back home. But this time, he actually appeared. 

There he was, upside down, but standing in front you. This time, you could tell his demeanor was way different from before. He looked so...mischievous. His hair was a mix between hot pink and beaming green. He was dressed in his normal stripes but his suit jacket was gone. The sleeves on his shirt were rolled up, exposing his strong and moss covered forearms. He didn’t seem angry but the air seemed to be more hot when we appeared in the room. 

“Hiya, hot stuff.” He said. His scratchy voice gave you so much more ease. But you were still on edge.

“Beej, what the hell is all this? Why am I tied up like this? And why am I upside down?” You demanded. The way he looked at you after you finished was almost like he didn’t like your tone but still amused by your confusion. 

“It’s your birthday, babes. This is my present.” He said while walking closer to you. 

Before you could ask another question, he gave you a slow and sensual kiss. It was something you’d been wanting all night. Not just a kiss but any type of contact with Beej against you. And you had a feeling that he was going to give you just that. He quickly interrupted your thought with his tongue pushing its way into your mouth and swirling against your own. No longer being able to hold back, you let out such a loud sigh and moan together, it almost sounded like you came just from that. He chuckled at the sound as he pulled his tongue away, causing you to whine almost as loud.  

He lifted his hand to rub his thumb against your lips, much like he didn’t from earlier. But instead of mimicking the same action of pushing his thumb in your mouth, he only trailed his hand down your body as he walked around the side of you.

“Ahha, Beej. I’d be just fine with a present while not hanging in the air.” You spoke. But you weren’t able to see him once he walked around. “Beej, I appreciate the gesture but I think-AH~” You let out a quick gasp. 

All you could feel was one of his cold fingers rubbing against your clit. Oh...fuck. He was really going to do this. You couldn’t even finish your panicked thoughts before you felt a wet finger slowly push into you. He slowly started pumping it in and out while one finger continued to circle your clit. It wasn’t long before you became more and more wet to the point of practically dripping. 

“Ah~ Mmmmm~ Oh, Beej, yes~” You moaned, basically letting go of any fight you had inside of you. You didn’t need any more answers, you just needed Beetlejuice to make you feel good. You could’ve been embarrassed with how fast you came, letting out half a scream, even though his fingers were going painfully slow. Your breathing was slightly hitched but you were able to regain your composure quickly. But that was stunted once he flattened his tongue and gave you heat a long, slow lick. 

“Beej~” You moaned out one last time. It became very evident what his plan for you was, and you weren’t getting out of it anytime soon.

“Oh, we’re far from done. Just sit back and let me take care of you, birthday girl.” Was the last thing you heard before his tongue and fingers went to work on you. 

Yeah, it was going to be a long night. But, Happy Birthday to you.

Did ya’ll catch that W.A.P reference? 10 points to you if you did.

I know I’ve been slacking on fics for a while. I’ve been busy with school bullshit and I know I sound like a broken record saying that. But I wanna thank you guys for still sticking around and being patient with me. I’m still working on requests and I’m far from finished with writing fics. Thanks so much for reading!💚💜🖤

[beka1820]

I Hear The Secrets You Keep

Five Times TK confesses a secret to Carlos when half asleep, and the One Time he's wide awake.

A little while ago, @bellakitse told me she needed more Tarlos and actually believed in me to write for them. And well, several weeks later I have tried to deliver for her. So this is really all her fault. A huge thank you to all of my Junkyard friends for continuing to encourage me and listen to me whine as this took on a life of it's own.

This fic can be canon compliant up until episode 8, because yes I was working on this for that long.

Read on AO3

“You wear really tight pants.”

Carlos was positive TK was asleep moments before this so he jolts a little when he speaks. They’re curled up on Carlos’ couch, having spent the evening watching movies and eating takeout. This type of evening is becoming pretty common for them when their days off line up. Carlos has no idea what they are, or what they’re doing, all he knows is that he enjoys every second that he gets to spend with TK. And now that TK is willing to spend more quality time together with their clothes on, he tries to take advantage of it as much as possible. Carlos can’t deny that he appreciates that it’s also amounted to more quality time with their clothes off as well.

“What did you just say?”

“Your jeans, they’re really tight. Your shirts are too.”

Now that Carlos is paying attention he can tell that TK is mumbling the words. He pulls away a little to look and sees that TK’s eyes are half-closed so maybe he is as close to being asleep as he thought.

TK just moves his head back to bury it further into Carlos’ shoulder. He also puts a hand over his chest and absentmindedly starts playing with one of his accused shirts, which Carlos will admit is maybe a little tight.

“I see. I didn’t realize you had such a problem with my clothes. Is that why you keep ripping all of them?” Carlos can only grin and try to stay focused on the present, even when his own words bring up several distracting memories.

TK snorts at his comment.

“Oh I love that you wear such tight clothes, I love seeing you showing off all your amazing assets.” He can tell that TK wants to grab his ass right now but since they’re sitting he settles for patting his hip and wedging his fingers in between his ass and the couch. He sighs contentedly so this must be a good enough compromise for him for now. “I just don’t know if I love everyone else getting to see your incredible ass on such fine display.”

Carlos can’t help but preen a little at TK’s confession. He knows he’s a decent looking guy and that he gets looks when he’s out, but all he ever notices when they are together is how everyone is checking out TK. And he doesn’t blame them, the man is gorgeous and also a complete hypocrite right now for talking about Carlos being the one who wears tight pants.

He can’t help but be a little hopeful, that maybe he’s not the only one who wants to put up a sign saying “Taken, Get Lost” whenever anyone looks for too long.

“You think I have an incredible ass?”

“With or without clothes it’s probably the best ass I’ve ever seen in my life. I can’t even begin to explain to you what you're missing out on by not getting to look at it like I get to.”

Carlos can’t help the blush that crosses his face and figures maybe it’s time to try and change the subject but the slight pause seems to have spurred TK on.

“I mean, you know I'm a faster runner than you right?”

They’ve started jogging together on the occasion when they are both off work, TK admitted that being active helps clear his mind and Carlos is always looking for ways to help and spend time with him. Plus getting to see TK sweaty and panting is becoming one of Carlos’ favorite pastimes.

But TK falls a little behind several times on their runs and Carlos tries to gently remind him as much.

“Yeah no. When I’m not with you I run that route about 5 minutes faster.”

Carlos scoffs in disbelief because this is definitely news to him.

“I’m not even sorry, and you wouldn’t be either if you got to see what I get to see when I fall behind.”

Carlos can’t help the full-body laugh that bursts out of him and TK makes an annoyed noise at being disrupted by his comfortable position. He burrows in a little further and within minutes Carlos is positive this time he’s fast asleep.

Carlos can’t even be bothered because he’s left with this amazing new bit of knowledge about TK. He’s suspected before that TK is a little more open when he’s tired and his guard is down by some of the comments he’s made or how he seems a little extra affectionate. This conversation all but confirmed it for him.

He loves it and stores it away in the compartment in his mind where he keeps everything he can learn about TK. Carlos finds that he falls for him harder with every new piece of information, but that is something he accepted would be the case almost from the moment he asked TK to line dance with him in a bar.

He hopes there’s genuineness in these moments. He thinks there could be and imagines they could help him as he navigates whatever this thing is between them.

As he starts to drift off himself he smiles when he realizes that TK still has his hand touching his ass like he’s claiming it, so maybe there is some truth to his half-asleep confessions after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It happens again a couple of hours after their first fight. Carlos had barely considered it a fight as it was happening, just something they would move past once they got a few small frustrations out of their system. But the way that TK had become more and more restless as it continued made Carlos sit up and take notice.

They’re lying in bed facing each other, they had talked it out and Carlos is confident they’re better than ever. He’s more worried about TK’s reaction to the fight.

He’s gotten really good at reading TK the more time they have spent together. He recognizes when he starts to go inside his head and when Carlos should try and intervene and pull him back out or step back and let him work through it himself.

He’s at a bit of a loss this time though, TK’s reaction didn’t seem to match with the conversation and the small disagreement they were having.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He knows this may not be fair, TK looks incredibly tired and Carlos doesn’t want to disrupt his peace now that he seems to finally have it, but he’s also worried that if they don’t talk about it now, it might be too late and he wants to understand.

“I thought we did talk,” TK smiles sleepily at him and Carlos tries not to get too distracted by one of his favorite smiles lighting up his face.

“I don’t mean about the disagreement, we’re good there,” he says and gives TK a soft kiss to make sure he’s getting his point across. “I’m talking about your reaction to it.”

TK doesn’t say anything for a minute and Carlos debates whether he should push the subject or back off for the time being.

“The last fight Alex and I had was about how I never loaded the dishwasher correctly,” he starts with a resigned sigh. “I know that wasn’t what broke us, we were broken long before. But I think back on that fight and how small it might have been but how clear it was I couldn’t do anything right by his standards.” He admits with his eyes closed and his head ducked down a little.

Carlos thinks he’s starting to understand, their fight was about something small and inconsequential as well, so it can’t have felt good to remember a similar one he had with his ex.

“I’m sorry this was a painful reminder for you Ty, I—“

“I’m constantly terrified of the day you’re going to realize I’m not worth it.”

Carlos thinks a punch to the face would have hurt less than to hear those words.

TK resignedly continues, “You might be the most amazing man I have ever met. And I know I’m doing better, and I'm healing, but you have always deserved better than me. I’ve just been waiting for you to catch up to that fact.”

Thankfully TK’s eyes are still closed so it gives Carlos a second to reign in his emotions before he says anything.

“Sweetheart.” He’s thankful for his training that’s helped him keep a calm and steady voice despite the fact that he’s breaking inside for the man laying in front of him. When TK doesn’t respond he reaches out to touch his face only to realize that the man is asleep. That heartbreaking statement was his last thought of the day.

Carlos fights back tears as he quietly gets out of bed and heads to his back porch to get some fresh air. When TK doesn’t have to be on alert he sleeps like the dead so Carlos knows he has some time to be alone without him waking up.

Usually if TK’s ex is mentioned in any way Carlos does what he can to put him out of his mind. The worthless piece of shit that he is, who tried to break TK little by little over the course of their relationship, Carlos learned. He does his best not to let himself think too much about the coward, he has more important and worthy people to occupy his thoughts. But tonight he doesn’t even try to deflect.

Carlos isn’t jealous of the man, he’s sick of him. He wants the ghost of him out of their relationship. No, what he really wants is the man and every single memory gone from TK’s mind and heart. He has come so far, Carlos is so proud of him. But his heart breaks a little every time he sees TK, this strong beautiful man, struggling with his self worth because of what that fool of a man did to him.

He knows he can't’ push too hard. He and TK have made great strides in their relationship, they’re officially together and telling people as such.

He knows he just has to be patient. He’s in this for the long haul and he’s willing for it to take however long it’s going to for TK to understand he’s amazing, every messy and beautiful part. And that he’s everything and more that Carlos could ever have hoped to want.

He takes another couple of deep breaths and shakes off the dark thoughts as much as he can. He’d rather focus on what matters, on TK. And making sure that if he wakes up, Carlos is right beside him.

When he gets back in bed, he pulls TK close to him and kisses his forehead while vowing he’ll do whatever he has to do to show him that he is worthy of every good thing he could ever want.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They’re laying in TK’s bed spooning late at the end of the day. It’s TK’s birthday and Carlos and Owen threw him a surprise party with pretty much every first responder they’ve ever worked with. It still managed to be a casual bbq dinner, Judd brought over games like horseshoe and cornhole while the “New York pretty boys” as Judd called them watched with side-eyes and skepticism.

At the end of the night Carlos had planned to leave but TK had pulled him close and asked him to stay while his arms were wrapped around his shoulders and their lips pressed together. They both know that Carlos is unable to say no to him because TK had merely smirked and led him upstairs to his room.

“Did you have a good time today sweetheart?” Carlos asks, kissing him on the shoulder and burying his face in TK’s freshly washed hair and taking a deep breath.

“Yeah I did, thank you babe. It was a lot of fun and probably the most relaxing birthday I’ve ever had.”

“Oh yeah? What did you do in New York for your birthday?”

TK hums a little and Carlos can only smile as he feels TK holding on to his last grip on awareness. He takes a deep breath and launches into all the traditions and events and places he was often taken to for his day, by his friends and his dad. It ends up sounding like it would take more of a week to fit everything in and TK confirms as much with a slightly wistful sound to his voice.

“All of that sounds amazing sweetheart. It’s good you had so many traditions to celebrate.” He suddenly feels woefully lacking and he can’t shake the feeling. He thinks of the casual gathering they just had and realizes how small it must have been compared to one of the fancy restaurants or clubs he used to go to in New York. He knows TK had a good time, but that doesn’t mean he made him feel as special on his day as he deserves. Or that Austin is where he really would have celebrated if he had the choice. “I’m sorry you missed out on all of that this year.”

It seems Carlos didn’t do a good job of reigning in the insecurity in his voice because the next thing he knows a sleepy and confused TK is looking back at him. The expression on his face must be just as bad because TK rolls around till he is facing him.

“Talk to me babe.”

Carlos wants to roll his eyes, that’s his words and the tone he uses when he sees TK going into himself and he wants to lovingly draw him back out. They decided they would do their absolute best to talk and be open about how they were feeling, as hard as it is. Carlos is currently regretting ever making this agreement.

“It just sounds like you always had so many amazing things to do and people to be with back there. Austin falls majorly short when you compare.” He pauses before adding, “So does the party today,” he mumbles knowing TK will hear him but wishing he wouldn’t. It’s not a trait he feels often, but right now he can’t help the insecurity and slight embarrassment that are rearing their ugly heads. He closes his eyes in hopes to reign it back, this isn’t the way he wants to end TK’s birthday.

“My amazing boyfriend threw me an amazing party in the place where I’m happy with my life with all of my favorite people so I’d kindly ask you to not insult him or anything else that way.” TK’s eyes are soft when Carlos looks at him, but his tone is determined.

Carlos has to look at TK for a minute to make sure he heard him right. He knows TK is flourishing here in every way, that he’s enjoying his time with Carlos, and has made his crew into his family. But this is the first time he’s said anything like that in reference to Texas.

“You’re right though, I have been comparing. My old life and new life.”

Carlos can only nod and wait. He knows the party and Austin can’t compete with what TK used to have. He tries and fails not to think about the fact that he may never be able to compete with it either.

“I actually have been thinking about it a lot lately,” TK says steadfastly. “And I think the life I have now is becoming everything I have always wanted.”

Carlos tries to swallow around the lump in his throat, and barely manages to rasp out, “Do you mean that?”

TK takes a second to let out a sigh. “Look I know I didn’t get off to the best start here. I thought I was going to go stir crazy when we first arrived. I cared about my new crew from the start, but everything had changed so quickly. I didn’t really have time to catch my breath and you saw how much of a mess I was at the beginning.”

It’s such a testament to how far TK has come that he can say things like that so easily and without being detrimental to himself. Carlos can’t help but smile and reach out to cup TK’s cheek. TK pauses for a second to turn his head slightly and kiss his palm before continuing.

“But now that I have distance, I can see my life in New York wasn’t what I made it out to be in my mind. I never felt at peace there, I just didn’t realize it at the time. And now that I’m here, with the 126 who are truly my family. And with you... I think I’m finally understanding what true happiness is for me.”

Carlos has to blink rapidly to try to keep away the tears that are threatening to fall. But he sees that TK’s eyes are just as shiny and is thankful he isn’t the only one feeling overwhelmed right now.

When TK senses that Carlos is too emotional to say anything, he grins at him.

“Was that too cheesy?” He jokes even though it’s clear he meant every word.

“Absolutely.” Carlos finally manages to say, “but you shouldn’t let that stop you.”

TK only laughs and leans forward to kiss Carlos on the nose, and Carlos just closes his eyes and revels in the moment.

TK decides to finish him off. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace than when you’re by my side.”

Carlos gives up completely and lets a couple of tears fall as he pulls TK even closer. “You know I feel the same right? You know I’m not going anywhere?”

TK manages a wobbly smile of his own. “I think I’m starting to get that.”

Carlos briefly thinks back to months before when TK was convinced he didn’t deserve Carlos or anything good in his life. To see him finally realizing that he does might be one of the best moments of his life.

Carlos tilts his head and gives TK a long lingering kiss, both reluctant to pull away.

“Thank you for my amazing party Carlos.”

“Happy birthday Tyler Kennedy”

“Ugh, why did you have to go and ruin the moment?” TK whines as he turns back around, and Carlos can only laugh and pull him close where they fall asleep with their hands entwined over TK’s heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re sure you’re ok?” TK asks for what is probably the tenth time that evening.

“Yes dear, I’m fine” Carlos teases in an overdramatic sigh.

TK reaches forward and hits his chest softly to show he’s not amused with his sass. Carlos just chuckles and grabs the hand that hit him and tangles their fingers together.

They’re settled on Carlos’ couch lengthwise, TK has his legs apart so Carlos can lay in between them with his back to TK’s chest. It’s a role reversal from how they usually like to lounge, but TK insisted so he could rub Carlos’ aching back and shoulders before he laid back to rest.

He got rear-ended while out on a call today. Thankfully no one was injured, but the other car was going fast enough that he’s already sore and knows he’s going to be feeling it for days to come. He still doesn’t even know how TK found out so quickly, it wasn’t a long process, but by the time he was leaving the scene he already had a dozen texts and calls from TK begging to know if he was ok.

He messaged that he was going home and told TK he’d call him and tell him what happened then. But TK was already waiting at his house when he got there, wearing an expression Carlos had never seen before.

Without a word he kissed him hard and led him inside where he could triple-check that Carlos was ok, completely ignoring his protests that Michelle had already looked him over. TK finally accepted that he was just sore and achy. He made Carlos take a hot shower and then told him he wanted to help him with the pain.

Now laying here together on the couch, he knows they should probably get up, this isn’t the position he needs to fall asleep in despite how comfortable he is right now. But he can’t seem to make himself move so he closes his eyes and figures they both can take a small nap before heading to bed.

“I was so scared.”

Carlos’ eyes pop back open when he hears TK speak again. He’s got the thick tone to his voice that Carlos’ associates with exhaustion so he knows this is another of TK’s sleepy confessions. He can also sense something different in the tone than normal, something raw and emotional. He grips TK's hand and brings it to his lips while he lets TK speak his mind.

“All I heard was you had been in an accident, no one could tell me how bad it was, if I needed to find you at a hospital or….” He trails off, unable to finish his dark thought.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, you know I never want to worry you.”

“I know. I just, it’s hard. Being completely helpless and having to wait to get any kind of news. That was the longest hour of my life. I was terrified.” TK takes another deep breath. “And so angry at myself.”

And that, that catches Carlos off guard.

“What do you mean, what could you possibly have to be angry at yourself for?” He grips TK just a little tighter while he waits. He loves when TK opens up but always hates how hard he is on himself.

TK takes so long to answer that Carlos thinks he fell asleep. He loathes to wake him up, but that also wasn’t a comment he can just let go, but before he can sit up and decide, TK speaks again.

“I have a routine.” He mumbles and Carlos’ breathe catches because he thinks he might know where this is going. “Remember that time we were on the phone and you had to go because there was a robbery in progress?”

Carlos can only nod.

“I felt so helpless, sitting at work with nothing to do but wait to hear if you were ok.”

It’s gratifying to hear, Carlos can’t even pretend. He remembers the incident well. It was at the beginning of their relationship, weeks before they even defined what they were doing as more than casual. Carlos’ has no doubt that TK has never wanted harm to come to him, but to hear how worried he got even back then, it’s a pleasant revelation.

“I didn’t have any cleaning or maintenance or paperwork to keep me busy, so I got on the treadmill and ran. I made it to about three and a half miles before I got a text from you that you were ok. I remember the exact number and the speed I was going.” TK absentmindedly starts running his hand through Carlos’ hair and he can tell it’s helping to ground him. “Now whenever I hear that you are heading to any kind of rough or dangerous call, I get on the treadmill and run exactly the same distance and speed. And I didn’t get to do that today.”

Carlos can’t pretend he isn’t a little stunned. TK always seems fairly composed whenever they talk about Carlos having a dangerous call. But then again, he knows he does his best to keep his self-control whenever TK’s safety is on the line.

TK pauses again. “I know it’s stupid—-“

“Every time I hear there’s a fire while you’re on shift I have to immediately leave my desk and walk past the coffee shop across the street and to the one 5 blocks away and get an Americano with cream and two raw sugars. Then I have to take the long way back to work. Even if I just had coffee or even in the pouring rain.”

TK pauses his hand combing through Carlos’ hair for a second. “Really?”

“You aren’t the only one who worries, love.”

TK takes another breath and then admits in a whisper, “I also have routines if I’m on a call or if I’m not at work.”

From almost the beginning he’s known that he and TK just understand each other in a way they never have with anyone else.

Carlos twists a little to look up at him. “Yeah me too.”

“Well ok then.” TK says and kisses the top of his head and Carlos knows he’s not imagining the smile being pressed there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carlos realizes he’s going to have to come up with a new ritual because the next time it happens they’re in the hospital.

He’s doing his best to stay calm as he sits by the hospital bed his anxiety-inducing boyfriend is lying in. When he looks over at TK he thinks he’s probably having a harder time than TK even is with all of this.

All in all, he got off lucky. TK had a ceiling collapse on him and only walked away with a mild concussion from it. The doctors did a thorough check and were in the process of releasing him. They had already given Carlos a list of symptoms to look out for and ways to help or ease TK’s pain and discomfort.

“I love you, you know that?”

Carlos smiles at the man, thankful that he managed to break him out of the dark thoughts that were starting up again.

“I do, you say it a lot.” He does. Once TK was able to finally say the words a little while ago, he says them all the time. Carlos could tell he was ready to say them weeks before he finally did and now it’s like he’s making up for lost time. Honestly, Carlos couldn’t be happier.

“I love you so much I would fold your laundry for you.”

That, however, is new and Carlos’ startled laugh seems to only amuse a half-asleep and half out of it TK laying on the hospital bed watching him.

“Ok well, that’s… sweet of you?” He manages to say.

“It is sweet of me. I rarely even fold my own laundry, but I love you so much I’d fold all of yours.”

Carlos can’t do anything but lean over and give TK a soft lingering kiss after something so adorably sweet like that. Sleepy and playful TK is just another sign that he really is feeling ok and the knots in Carlos’ stomach that have taken residence since he heard the shouts about the roof collapsing loosen a tiny bit more. Of course he still had to mess with him a little bit.

“This is amazing news sweetheart, because I just so happen to have some clean clothes in the dryer waiting.”

TK only smiles wider. “You’re just always ruining the moment, aren’t you?”

Carlos can only laugh as a nurse pokes their head in to let them know TK’s discharge papers are ready.

“Finally,” TK sits up and waits for Carlos to help him stand up where he sways into his arms. The concussion along with exhaustion is taking its rapid effect and Carlos just wants to get him in bed as soon as possible where he can hold him and try and forget what a close call he had today.

“You ready handsome?” He asks, as TK cuddles closer in his arms.

“I am. Take me home babe.”

“Oh. I thought I’d take you to my place? So I can keep an eye on you.” Take care of him is really what he means, and he knows TK knows it too. But if he says it out loud TK will try to pretend like he knows how to take care of himself. He doesn’t.

“That’s what I meant. Take me home.”

Carlos gives him a small smile, loving that in TK’s mind, his home is like a home to him too. He gave him a spare key a little while ago, which he uses liberally. Carlos is also pretty sure half of TK’s clothes are in his closet or dresser. He sleeps there pretty much every night they don’t have shifts. Carlos wants him there every night and day but he’s trying to be thankful for what they have for now.

“Is that ok? That I called your house my home? We can just forget it, it doesn’t have to mean anything.” He looks so nervous all of a sudden and Carlos realizes he mistook his expression and silence for something other than happiness.

“Sweetheart stop, of course it’s ok. You know I want you over always. I want you to feel welcome and it means everything to me that you feel comfortable enough to consider it as a home.”

“I think of it as my actual home,” TK responds quietly as if hoping his confession won’t be a big deal if it’s not said too loud. “Wherever my dad is will always be somewhere safe and welcome to me, but when I think of home now, it’s always with you.”

“With me?” Carlos asks him happily, rubbing his hands up and down his arms.

“Mmhmm.”

“With me and our house?”

TK looks up a little surprised but mostly hopeful and Carlos smiles at him.

“It’s always been your home TK. From the moment I gave you a key, and hell even before that. I just never wanted to push or rush you before you were ready.”

“Mmm, yeah you’re good like that,” TK says and leans in to kiss him softly. “Well, I am more than ready now. And I think I have been for a while too. Honestly I’m pretty sure about three-quarters of my wardrobe is already there.”

“Do you mean to tell me you actually have more clothes?” Carlos mostly pretends to be appalled.

“Yep, but I’ve already moved in so no take-backs.”

Carlos laughs. “I love you.”

“Yeah?” TK says with that way he gets where he’s fishing for more. Despite his exhaustion he’s got a smirk on his face.

“Mmhmm.” Carlos leans in to whisper in his ear. “In fact, I'm even willing to fold your insane amount of laundry when you bring the rest over. A handsome smartass once told me that’s true love.”

TK can only laugh at that and let Carlos pull him in for a hug before they leave to head home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They’re laying in bed in what is probably Carlos’ favorite way to fall asleep these days, with TK practically on top of him, with his head on his chest. TK told him once how calming and reassuring it is for him to fall asleep to Carlos’ heartbeat. He is open and free with his love and affections now, but he still manages to catch Carlos off guard sometimes and he couldn’t be more in love if he tried.

He could feel TK fall asleep moments before and he closes his eyes ready to join him.

“I think we should get married.”

He somehow manages to keep his eyes shut, he’s too intent on calming his racing heart and telling himself TK must be talking in his sleep. He won’t, he will not let himself get his hopes up about what that might mean because TK is asleep and it isn’t fair of him to read into it.

He keeps his eyes closed and stays quiet and hopes that if he doesn’t encourage TK to continue talking this will be forgotten and he can go back to trying his best to be patient and wait for the right time to ask that question himself.

He feels TK moving around a little though but before he can really understand what is happening he feels as if something is suddenly right in front of his face. He loses his control and opens his eyes to stare directly at TK’s hand inches from his face. With a beautiful gold band between his fingers.

Carlos would estimate it took him about 3 days to stop staring at the ring before he finally looked at TK’s smiling face, TK will tell him later it was a little shorter than that.

He seems to have lost the ability to speak because all he can do is stare in wonder. He knows his expression must be ridiculous, but it doesn’t even matter because TK is laughing at him and it is the most beautiful sight he has ever seen in his life.

TK must finally pick up on the fact that he’s rendered his boyfriend speechless and decides to take mercy on him and speak first.

“What’s the problem babe, did you think I was asleep?” TK asks with a twinkle in his eye. They’ve talked about it and TK knows all about how he gets when he’s tired and his guard is down. He would never have thought his menace of a love would use that knowledge to his advantage and mess with him like he just did. And honestly, Carlos couldn’t be happier.

“That might have crossed my mind, yeah.” He finally finds his words.

“Oh,” the cheeky asshole replies, “I understand. It’s ok, we can pretend I was really tired just now and put this away…” TK starts to turn away as if to put the ring somewhere, anywhere else but on Carlos’ finger and Carlos has them flipped and is on top of TK before he even realizes he had moved.

“If you think for even a second that that ring is going anywhere else but on my hand right now—”

TK surges up to kiss him but they both can’t stop smiling or laughing for it to last long.

“So is that a yes then babe?”

“You know you technically haven’t asked me a question,” Carlos says, so giddy he can’t help himself from teasing.

“Mmmm. I haven’t, have I?” TK pauses for a moment to stare at Carlos and it takes his breath away to see the overwhelming love and happiness that is on display right now. One that is for Carlos only. It’s an expression he had always hoped to see and it manages to get better every single time.

“Carlos Reyes, love of my life, will you marry me?”

Carlos blinks several times, trying to keep the tears at bay so he can continue to look at TK’s beautiful and hopeful face, but his answer is immediate. “Yes, mi corazon, yes.” He whispers.

He knows TK’s blinding smile is from the answer and the name and he smiles in responses and kisses TK with everything in him. TK pulls back all too quickly and Carlos starts to protest before TK reaches for his left hand and places the ring on his finger. They both stare at it till TK looks up at him and kisses his knuckles.

“I love you.” TK says, his voice rough with emotions.

“Oh, I love you too. So much.” Carlos can only reply as he strokes TK’s face with his new favorite hand. The band compliments TK’s skin so well, Carlos can’t wait to see the two next to each other for the rest of his life.

He leans in again and kisses TK with the full intention of showing him exactly how excited he is about being engaged and smiles when he can feel that TK is determined to do the same.

Later on, when they are both laying on their sides facing each other and catching their breaths, Carlos’ mind wanders to their sock drawer. A cliché hiding place he knows, but TK is incredibly picky about his socks he learned from the beginning. He never needed to worry about him grabbing one of Carlos’ pairs and finding the ring by accident.

“Can I be honest with you about something?”

“I would hope so, fiancé,” TK grins at him.

His insides light up at the title and he swears if they didn’t just finish he’d be rolling TK on his back again in a heartbeat. “You’re going to use that a lot and kill me aren’t you?”

TK full on giggles at him. “Yep. Now that I’ve seen your reaction, I’m gonna use it all the time.”

“I can’t find it in myself to even pretend like I’m upset by that.”

“Good,” TK says as he picks up Carlos’ hand and starts playing with his ring, Carlos is pretty sure he could spend the rest of his life in this moment. “What did you want to be honest with me about?”

He blinks and remembers his early thoughts. “Right yeah, so I might have one small issue with you proposing to me tonight.”

“Oh?” Carlos has TK’s full attention now it seems as he stares at him in expectant confusion.

“I have a ring in the sock drawer. I've been planning to propose for a little while now. I was just waiting for the right time.” He’s not sure why but he’s desperate for TK to understand that this next step was also in his plan too and that somehow for once TK managed to beat him to it. But only barely.

TK’s smile is blinding. He’s never seen him so content in all their time together. “Well, then I’m really glad I got to ask first. I finally beat you to one of our milestones.” He leans over and kisses Carlos for a couple of long seconds. “But I am going to need that ring now.” He holds up his hand expectantly.

But Carlos can’t quite let this go. “I just need for you to understand that this has always been my plan and hope for us, for you.” Now that he has gotten started he realizes why he’s so desperate for TK to understand. “You deserve everything, I wanted to show you that. I wanted you to see that you’re worthy of a moment like this, and—“

“Hey,” TK manages to startle Carlos out of what was absolutely going to turn into a long-winded rant if he wasn’t careful. He pushes Carlos till he lays on his back and then quickly straddles him so he can look down at him and keep his undivided attention.

“I already know I’m deserving, ok? And I wanted to propose to the man who helped me remember that.”

TK seems to have no problem with the fact that he’s rendered Carlos speechless because he keeps going. “From the moment I met you, you started showing me that. You being you, loving and taking care of me and being patient with me. You challenged me and called me out when I needed it. You helped me understand I deserve this, I deserve to be happy. And to be happy with you.” TK has tears falling from his eyes but he’s never looked happier. “And you made me so confident in that and our love so I could do this tonight with no hang-ups. I didn’t have one hesitation or fear and that’s because of you.”

Thankfully TK seems to understand that Carlos needs a few moments to recover. He thinks back over their time together, and how all he’s ever wanted for TK was everything that TK just says he gave him.

“Well, I can’t argue with that can I?” Carlos finally manages to say with his own tears streaming down his face.

“Not so much, no.” TK starts peppering kisses all over his face before he pulls back to glare at him. “But I swear if you don’t go get my ring right now and get it on my finger I will—“

Carlos stops his threat with a kiss and laughs as he moves TK off of him to rush to the dresser. He told himself before that he would be as patient as he needed to be in their relationship. Now as he puts his ring on TK’s hand he finds he’s more than eager to start the rest of their lives together. And by the look on TK’s face, he’s just as ready.

[noahscents]

Professional - Noah Centineo Imagine

anonymous asked: That last imagine was soo good!! Gow about one where Noah and yn are co stars abd they both fancy eachother but yn refused to date a co worker and Noahs been like come on one date please! But she refused. So they doing press tour abd one the last day after last interview Noahs like were not coworkers anymore and asks her out😊

a/n: you want it, you got it ;)

here’s my masterlist!

update: it turned into smut lmao and I didn’t exactly follow the plot fskosfdkfsd

Word Count: 1.5k

this is probs gonna flop b/c I’ve been hella inactive but this has been sitting in my drafts for wAy too long oops

“Amelia, I love you more than life itself,” Noah says.

“We can’t...” You say, turning away. “You know our families will never allow it. This rivalry is older than our great-grandparents’ parents.”

Noah grabs your waist and pulls you closer.

“I don’t give a damn about what our families think. We’ll make them understand, “ He says, tilting your chin upwards, “and start our own...”

He leans in to kiss you passionately and just like that, the world melts away and a beautiful string orchestra fades in as the screen fades to black and the credits roll.

“Wow...” You say, wiping a tear from your eye.

“I know,” Noah says, exhaling.

You two were finally able to see the movie you made in its entirety and tomorrow, you and Noah started your 4-day press tour for ‘Tale As Old As Time’.

“You ready to do this thing?” Noah says, nudging your arm.

“Yeah. I don’t know if you’re ready though.” You say, standing up and putting on your jacket.

He scoffs, “You don’t know if I’M ready?” He crosses his arms.

“Yup.” You giggle, walking past him to leave his hotel room when suddenly, a pair of hands firmly grasp your hips, and you’re pulled into his lap.

You met Noah about a year ago during a chemistry read for a romantic movie. You were up against so many other big names in Hollywood for this role, (Florence Pugh, Zendaya, Ryan Destiny, and Hailee Steinfeld to name a few) but Noah had the best chemistry with you...

not just onscreen.

“I don’t think you’re ready.” He says, inches away from your face.

Your heart speeds up as you feel your cheeks get hot. Noah was attractive both inside and out, there’s no doubt about that. Over the course of filming with him you two definitely felt a spark, but mutually decided it wasn’t professional. But lately, Noah seems to be forgetting what you agreed upon.

You deeply inhale, “Noah...” You say with a bittersweet expression forming across your face.

“I thought our agreement only lasted until filming was done.” He says, rubbing circles in the small of your back.

You bite your lip and toss your head back slightly.

“Does it feel good?” He says, pressing you against him.

“Noah,” You say coming back to yourself, removing his hand. “We still have press and-”

“You know the fans have been shipping us since filming started.” He says, looking up at you. “Why don’t we give them what they want?”

You chuckle to yourself as you pry yourself off of him and straighten out your jacket.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Centineo.”

“You don’t wanna sleepover?” He says in the distance as you walk out, “Even just to cuddl-”

Click.

10:30am.

“Said play wit my pussy, but don’t play with my emotions...” You say along with Doja Cat’s ‘Rules’ as you apply finishing touches to your makeup, “If you spend some money, then maybe I just might fuck ya!”

You sway your hips side to side and as you spray Mario Badescu Rose Water on your face. 

“Wanna shake that ass, imma do that shit in slow motion!”

Your phone pings with a notification from the Postmates app.

Your Postmate, Laura, has arrived. Please come collect your order.

Knock, knock.

You run to the door, not skipping a lyric.

“You got a whole lotta cash and-” You pause, in shock.

“Didn’t know you listened to Doja Cat.” Noah says, holding your french toast and scooching past you to come inside.

You watch him enter in disbelief.

“I can’t believe you scared Laura away.” You say, crossing your arms.

“A whole mini-can of whipped cream?” He says, placing your food on the desk. “Kinky, it’s like you knew I was coming.”

“Surely you didn’t come here just to make fun of my breakfast.” You say, letting out a large exhale through your nose as your cheeks get hot.

“No, I just wanted to see if you wanted to walk down together for the press thing.” He says, walking towards you.

You turn away and head back to the bathroom.

“You’re a whole 90 minutes early.” You say before you feel a pair of hands around your waist, and lips on your neck.

You immediately roll your head back in pleasure and your nipples harden. Noah takes notice of this and cups one of your breasts, rolling your nipple between his index finger and thumb.

“Mmmmmm...” You moan as you press your thighs together in attempt to stop the flood.

“No bra? Such a tease.” He says before nibbling on your neck just a bit.

Fuck this rule.

You turn around to face him and press your lips into his. He wraps his arms around you as he sucks on your bottom lip, stumbling backward with you through the narrow pathway of the bathroom to the hotel bed.

“Anyone who willingly wears a bra is a masochist.” You say, smirking as you straddle him.

He grabs the bottle of whipped cream as you straddle him and pulls the straps of your dress down, exposing your breasts. He sprays a dollop on your nipple before latching on.

You purr with approval and begin to grind into his lap, feeling him grow underneath you.

“Someone’s excited.” You say, smirking as he looks up at you.

“Are you kidding me?” He says, meeting your lips for deep, passionate kiss. “Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to do this?”

He flips you over in one swift motion, and slides the rest of your dress down your hips. He pauses to take off his shirt and you sit up to unzip his slacks.

“This long?” You say, rubbing him through his briefs before sliding them down. His thick member flings out immediately, no longer restricted by the Calvin Klein fabric.

You place him into your mouth and swirl your tongue around the head.

He lets out a deep moan as he fisted the back of your hair.

You began bobbing up and down until he backed out of you and bent down to meet your eye level.

“I wanna make you feel good too.” He said, gently pushing you onto the bed before pulling down your thong.

He spreads your legs and begins kissing your thighs, moving closer and closer to your wet heat. Your breath hitches in anticipation.

Finally he places his tongue on your clit, sending a wave of pulse through you system. He begins sucking on it very slowly, and uses his ring and index finger to penetrate you.

“Fuck...” You say, gripping the sheets.

Suddenly, the sensation goes away but is soon met with the thickness of his cock.

You gasp and reach for him, pulling Noah into your chest as he slowly pumps in and out of you giving you time to adjust.

“Fuck, babygirl.” He says in your ear. “Does that feel good?” He begins kissing your neck, “How does my cock make you feel?”

“So good.” You say, scratching his back with your nails as he picks up his speed.

He sucks on your left nipple before rolling the other inbetween his fingers. The combination sends you into euphoria.

He sits up and picks up the rhythm, placing your leg over his shoulder and a pillow under your ass. He begins to rub circles onto your clit.

“Don’t cum until I say so.” He says as your eyes roll into the back of your head.

“Y-yes, sir.” You say, barely holding on.

He thrusts get faster, but less rhythmic as your walls clenched around him.

“Who’s pussy is this?” He says, rubbing your clit faster.

“Yours.” You say breathlessly, vision blurred in euphoria.

“I can’t hear you. I said, who’s pussy is this?”

“YOURS, Noah.” You say, almost in a whine. You’re on the edge.

“T-that’s what I like to hear.” He says, nearing his edge. “Cum for me, babygirl.”

You instantly let your orgasm go, squeezing your eyes shut as your whole body convulses.

Your orgasm sends Noah over the edge as he collapses on top of you, giving a few final pumps before stopping completely.

Why is his chest wet?

You open your eyes and see that your chest is wet as well... along with the edge of the bed and the floor.

Oh my God... did I squirt?

“Oh my God, did I squirt?” You say, laughing lightly due to exhaustion.

“Yeah, you did.” He says, beaming at you. “It was so fucking hot.”

“I’ve never done with before!” You say, half in amazement and half in disbelief.

“Well, I have been known to do that to people.” He says, folding his arms to his chest.

“Shut up!” You say pushing him away with your foot.

You get up to shower again, but Noah grabs your hand and pulls you toward him.

“So, what is this? We broke the rule.” He says, avoiding eye contact.

“Professional in the streets...” You say.

“Cuddle in the sheets?” He says.

“Precisely.” You say, leaning in to kiss him.

“Deal. But only if I get to take you out on an official date after we finish press.” He says, pulling backwards.

Your cheeks get hot.

“Deal. Now c’mere.”

A/N: hOLY shit srry if this is bad I haven’t written anything in like a ~year~

[scarlettwitcher]

Baby Girl Chapter One

Summary: Y/n tried to avoid her past with a certain Statesmen but when they’re partnered back up for a mission that could cost millions their lives, Y/n must make the right choice. (This is the Kingsman: The Golden Circle movie basically in writing with reader insert. I recommend watching the movie, it’s amazing! It’s on Amazon Prime Video.)

Characters: Agent Whiskey, Agent Gin(Y/n), Tequila, Ginger Ale, Eggsy, Merlin, Champ, Harry, mentions of Poppy, Charlie, and Clara in coming chapters..

Word Count: 2.327

Warnings: Canon typical violence, angst, cursing, fluff here and there, uh guns?

Author’s Note: We’re finally here! I have been working so hard on this series and I have finally finished it! I’m so excited to be sharing this. Shoutout to my lovely @giftofdreams​ for being an amazing beta and friend. Also send my girl @queenxxxsupreme​ some love. After this series, I’ll be working hard on my requests and on my existing August Walker Series. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget it babes. Thanks for all the love I receive daily! If you’d like to be a tag, please send in an ask! As always, thanks for reading, feedback is always welcome/needed. Also, please reblog! I know this fandom is kinda small but I’d love for people to find this fic. I just worked so hard on it and I want it to get the love it deserves. Love to you all!

The loud sound of rain burned into Eggsy’s ears as he stared at the broken-down building in front of him. He didn’t know whether he should scream, cry, or curse anyone who was listening. He looked up to see a black figure walking towards him, holding a black bag. He immediately reacted, pulling out his gun, aiming it straight at his head. As the figure stepped closer, Merlin's face became visible to him but he never lowered his gun. Slowly the both of them started to walk towards each other as Eggsy gripped his gun harder, feeling it's weight get heavier with every step. “Someone decides to wipe out every Kingsman property, every agent, and somehow, conveniently, you weren't at home.”

Neither of them stopped walking towards each other, walking between all of the rubble of Eggsy’s blown up home. “I could say the same thing about you.

Finally, Eggsy stopped when he was a few feet away from Merlin, his voice cracking from emotion. “What, you think I'd kill Roxy? And my mate, Brandon, and my fucking dog?”

“No. You think I would?” Eggsy kept his gun trained on Merlin as he swallowed thickly. Merlin held up the black bag towards him, opening it up and pulling a robotic arm, holding it up. “This thing hacked us. Clearly, this arm can be remotely controlled. I'm only alive because my address wasn't on the database with the agents. Whoever Charlie's working with doesn't think that mere staff are missile-worthy.”

Eggsy scoffed angrily as he lowered his gun, his voice raising an octave. “This ain't funny. Roxy is dead! Everyone's dead! Gone! Do you even care?”

“Pull yourself together. Remember your training. There's no time for emotion in this scenario.” Eggsy nodded quietly in understanding. “Now, as all surviving agents are present, we follow the doomsday protocol. When that's done, and only then… you may shed a tear in private.”

Eggsy sighed deeply as he nodded. The loud sound of thunder echoed between the two men filling in the absence of conversation. The deaths of all the Kingsman weighed heavy on their hearts. “Okay. What's the doomsday protocol?”

“We go shopping.” Both of the men decided to take the night off and try to sleep. It was a restless sleep for both. First thing in the morning, they both headed for Berry Bros & Rudd; Wine merchants. They walked in dressed to the nines. Merlin approached one of the workers. “We're from Kingsman. We'd like to buy some wine and use tasting room number three, please.” The man in the shop nodded quickly, before taking both of them towards the room. The man left, leaving Eggsy and Merlin alone. “Not one of my predecessors has ever been in this situation before. Thank God.” Merlin walked towards a distinctive place in the wall, recognizing a familiar shape. He pulled out a pendant, exactly like one Harry had given Eggsy when he was younger. “A-ha. Remember this?” He showed it to Eggsy who smiled softly, remembering its significance. 

“Yeah, how could I forget?” Eggsy watched as Merlin turned towards the wall, slipping the pendant into the shape, fitting perfectly into the molding. Loud sounds of locks being opened and gears turning filled the room. The wall slid open, revealing a black safe. 

Merlin pointed towards the safe as he spoke to Eggsy. “Whatever's in that safe is the answer to all our problems.” Merlin got to quickly opening the safe. Pulling the door open, his brows furrowed in confusion as he leaned closer to see what he was looking at. “Huh.” He pulled out a bottle of whiskey with clear big letters that read “Statesman” on the front. He showed it to Eggsy who looked confused.

“Is that it?”

“I suppose that must be upper-class humor.” Merlin looked down at the bottle, analyzing it for a few seconds before looking back up to Eggsy. “I don't get it.”

“Me neither. What the fuck are we supposed to do now?”

“I think we should drink a toast to our fallen comrades.” Merlin served both of them cups of the Whiskey. Eggsy grabbed one and held it up towards Merlin as he grabbed his own cup, doing the same. They clinked their cups together. 

“To Roxy.”

“Roxy.” Merlin oohed in admiration of the taste. Eggsy nodded his approval as well as they served another round, doing what they had previously done again. “To Arthur.”

“Arthur.” They both drank their whiskey before Eggsy stopped in thought. “Mmm. Should we do one for JB?”

“I think we should.” Eggsy pulled out a chair, sitting across from Merlin as they poured more whiskey. They took a drink for every fallen Kingsman. Leaving the bottle almost empty, Merlin started to cry, wiping at his eyes in pain with his handkerchief. “I should have seen it coming. Charlie, the taxi. It's all my fault.” Both men had forgone their jackets and glasses as they spoke.

“No, that's bullshit, Merlin. It ain't all your fault. You're the best, bruv. Honestly, without you, I'd have lost it a long time ago.”

There was a moment of silence between the two as Eggsy placed his hand on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin stayed quiet before reaching for the almost empty bottle. "I think we should drink to Scotland."

Eggsy quickly took the bottle away from Merlin. "I think we've probably had enough, to be honest." He analyzed the bottle as Merlin cleaned his glasses. 

"You're probably right." Eggsy stared at the bottle. Looking closer he saw a small print at the bottom of the back of the sticker, 'Distilled in Kentucky'. The K looked very familiar to him before it clicked. 

"Merlin."

"Aye?"

"I think we're going to Kentucky."

"Fried Chicken? I love fried chicken."

"No, proper Kentucky. Look." Eggsy placed the bottle on the table as Merlin slipped his glasses on. 

"You know what else I love? Country and western music." Before Eggsy could say anything, Merlin started to sing. Eggsy was annoyed but listened quietly anyways. "Country roads, Take me home, To the place I belong.." The boys moved quickly, getting what few things they had left before flying over to the distillery. They noticed a tour happening as they arrived and they followed behind as the woman spoke. She didn't let them into a large warehouse, explaining something about how the temperature is perfect for the barrels and both men stopped. Eggsy scanned the door with his watch, nodding towards it. 

"Biometric security scanner just to protect a few old barrels of whiskey? Pull the other one, love." 

Merlin fiddled with his tablet as Eggsy watched him. "Got it." The door slid open behind Eggsy. They looked around before skidding in. Eggsy kept his hand up with his watch, surveying the area. They looked around amazed at all of the giant barrels. 

"Are you getting anything?"

"Not yet."

"Fucking hell."

"It's a shame it's not scotch." Merlin's tablet started to beep loudly. "Hang on." He looked at the image, showing underneath them was the base. "According to this, there's a huge underground structure right beneath us." Merlin walked quickly to the end to place his tablet down, grabbing an axe placed lazily on the side. "And if my calculations are correct…" He moved towards the main barrel in the middle, holding the axe tightly. "This is the way in." Without a second thought, Merlin hit the wall with all his strength, denting and making a hole on the barrel. Whiskey gushed out of it and both men panicked. 

"Fucking hell, Merlin. Shit." Merlin moved quickly, covering the hole with his hand. 

“You know, my mama, she always told me us southerners get our good manners from the British.” A man slowly walked towards them, holding a shotgun loosely in his hand as it rested on his shoulder. Eggsy tried to act casual, crossing his arms and leaning on the barrel as Merlin kept his hand on the hole he created. “I was thinkin', ain't that a pity. Y'all kept nothing for yourselves. Y'all ain't never heard of knocking before you enter?” The man turned his head slightly, smirking before spitting to his left. 

“Well, actually we had an invitation. Didn't we?” Eggsy looked over at Merlin as he nodded quickly.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, did you now?” The man watched them unamused.

“Yeah. It came in the shape of a bottle. We're from the Kingsman tailor shop in London. Maybe you've heard of us?”

“Oh, the Kingsman.”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. That's where y'all got them fine suits and them fancy spectacles y'all got on?” The man pointed towards them with the end of the shotgun, acting like he knew what they were saying was enough.

“Exactly.” Merlin nodded his head enthusiastically, almost as if he hoped they made the right decision. 

“That's right.”

“Y'all look damn sharp. Let me see if I got it right, here. You want me to believe that it's normal for a tailor to hack through an advanced biometric security system with nothing but a little bitty old watch on?” Eggsy clenched his jaw nervously as Merlin frowned. They were starting to realize their name meant nothing. Merlin looked over at Eggsy with concern as Eggsy rolled his eyes, staring the man down.  “I can promise you,” The man grabbed his shotgun, loading it as he twirled it effortlessly in his hand, aiming it at both of them. “That dog don't hunt.” With the shotgun, he motioned for both of them to get down. “So why don't you go on and get down on your knees and tell me who you really work for.” 

Eggsy raised his eyebrows, mocking the man before looking over at Merlin tight-lipped, as Merlin nodded, silently saying, ‘okay, you asked me to’. He removed his hand as the barrel started to leak again, dropping whiskey all over the floor. The man quickly sucked up some saliva, spitting it across the way on the hole, covering it perfectly.  Eggsy looked at Merlin with disgust before turning back towards the man with the same expression. “That's 1963 Statesman Reserve. You just made it personal.”

The man walked towards both of them, as they ran towards him at the same time as well. Eggsy raised his fist, ready to punch but the man ducked and hit him in the back with the shotgun. Merlin lunged for him next. The man hit him in the abdomen, looping his arm around Merlin’s and used his body weight to throw him against the barrel, knocking him out cold. Eggsy took out his gun but the man used the shotgun to trap his arm between his body and the shotgun before swinging it around and smacking it out of his hand with his shotgun. The momentum of the hit threw Eggsy on his knees as he swung the shotgun into his ribs, swinging it the other way around. Eggsy blocked the hit but still groaned in pain as the hit threw him against the barrel. The man pinned Eggsy’s arm with his shotgun before moving quickly to flip through Eggsy’s watch until he found the stun option. He pulled Eggsy off of the barrel and angled it so he shot himself with the dart. Eggsy stared at him in surprise as the man smirked. Eggsy moved to touch his neck where the dart was as he went limp on his legs. “Who the fuck are you?” Eggsy stepped back once before falling onto his back, blacking out quickly like Merlin. 

“You’re right. You are getting better Tequila, almost as good as me.” The man, Tequila, looked up to the left where you slowly stepped out of the shadows. You licked your lips as you walked over to the limp bodies on the floor. You bent down beside Eggsy and reached out, touching his watch admiring the technology. “I guess you didn’t need me after all.” 

Tequila smiled and shook his head as he nudged Merlin with his foot. “Now darlin’, don’t say that. You know I love having you around.”

“Well, duh. I’m a fucking catch.” Tequila laughed out at your comment before moving to grab Merlin, throwing him over his shoulder as he motioned towards Eggsy with a nod of his head. 

“Can you handle him?” You frowned and shook your head. You were smaller than Eggsy and even though you were strong, you weren’t that strong. 

“I can drag him.” You grabbed his arms and slowly pulled him towards the real elevator, dragging him inside as you huffed. He was heavy. Tequila laughed as he watched you and you glared at him. 

“Did you hear?”

“What?”

“Whiskey might be coming down this weekend. Something about a meeting.” You visibly tensed as you clenched your jaw. You took a deep breath as Tequila watched you concerned.

“I didn’t know. How long?” You didn’t even realize you whispered this until Tequila reached over pulling you into his arms. The big lug basically swallowed you in his big arms but you didn’t care. You wrapped an arm around his waist before letting out a shaky breath. 

“Just for the weekend. Has he tried to talk to you?” You shook your head as the elevator stopped, indicating you were on the floor you needed. “Good. How about we go to that restaurant I told you about?”

“Sounds nice Tequila. We’ll take Ginger. She’s really been wanting to go there.”

“It’s a date.” You giggled at his remark. You grabbed Eggsy once more, slowly dragging him towards the interrogation room you had. Once Tequila secured Merlin into his chair, Tequila moved quickly, securing Eggsy beside him. You sat in the far side of the room as Tequila took his place in front of the both of them, leaning on the table. He licked his lips, trying not to show how much he would enjoy this as he leaned over, slapping the both of them out of their unconsciousness. This was going to be fun.

Forever Tags: @iwantthedean @authoressskr @sorenmarie87 @reigningqueenofwords @goldenolaf25 @giftofdreams @winchesterprincessbride @chelsea072498 @kitchenwitchsuperwhovian @itakeawfultoawholenewlevel @fictionalabyss @gabby913 @angelkurenai @sea040561 @sleepylunarwolf @smoothdogsgirl @carryonmyswansong @feelmyroarrrr @evyiione @sofreddie @sis-tafics @nitelotus @trexrambling @dancingalone21 @manawhaat @mermaidxatxheart @winchest09 @ellen-reincarnated1967 @mrswhozeewhatsis @just-another-busy-fangirl @lovebodymindstuff @backseat-of-deans-67chevy @chook007 @akshi8278 @evansrogerskitten @bringmesomepie56 @persephonehemingway @blacktithe7 @donnaintx @queenxxxsupreme @whitewolfandthefox @riviawitch3r

Kingsman/Agent Whiskey Tags:  @thesadvampire @le-roman-rose @mcudisiac @someone-take-my-bagelseverywhere @chibi-liz05 @marvel-avengers01 @themandjalorian @floccodineveautunnale @jassiepoohbear @gollyderek @retrobhaddie @wolf-lover74