#like barbie was on of the things we bonded over

[speakyskelly-1999]

Bruh

I finally managed to see barbie

It's been a long time coming

It was so worth the wait

Holy shit it's so based

I'm not gonna like do a whole break down thing about it cos people have already done a lot of them

I just wanna gush about how good that movie was

Like aaaaaaaah

It was so fucking good

5/5 stars desperately wanna see again

[rynwritesreid]

I am obsessed w Ryan Gosling wearing a necklace with his wife’s initials on it to the Barbie Premiere!!!! Can we see Spencer doing the same thing, maybe to the office or a team dinner ? 😍

A/N: this is such a cute idea, and if I am being honest this is defo something early to mid season Spencer would have done. Thank you for the request:)

Summary: it’s basically as requested. I have added in some detail about other women flirting with him and that’s why he decides to wear it, but he does still wear it to the office.

Content: fluff. Fem!reader. Other people flirt with Spencer, but he doesn’t reciprocate.

Masterlist| requests are open| navigation

Spencer was aware he got attention from other women; he knew he was attractive. He never flirted back, or really gave anyone else the time of day and he was very open with the fact he was in a very committed relationship with you. You were also not prone to jealousy, you didn’t really like other people trying to flirt with Spencer, but you understood he was an attractive and very intelligent man. 

Spencer though, he had become to hate it. He didn’t understand why people didn’t care he loved you, that he was in a relationship with you, and only wanted you. He, being the ever-intelligent man he is, had come up with a solution.

“Hey, I have something to show you.” Spencer reached into his pocket and pulled out a medium sized box. “Before you get too excited, this isn’t a ring. It’s a necklace with your initials on it.” 

“Are you going to wear that?” you asked with a smile, feeling a warm flutter in your chest as you looked at the delicate necklace in Spencer's hand. The silver chain glinted under the soft glow of the evening sun filtering through the window, and the initials intertwined beautifully, a testament to your bond.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am. I want everyone to know who my heart belongs too.” 

And with a tender smile, Spencer carefully fastened the necklace around his neck, the cool metal resting against his warm skin. As it settled into place, he stood up and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close in a tight embrace. You could feel his heartbeat against your chest, steady and sure.

"I love you," Spencer whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "And I want the whole world to know that you're mine."

*

The next day, Spencer turned up to work wearing the necklace. JJ was the first to notice, her eyes scanning the necklace, wondering why he had suddenly started wearing jewellery.

"What's that, Spence?" JJ asked, tilting her head in curiosity. Spencer smiled, his eyes lighting up as he adjusted the necklace instinctively.

"It's for Y/N," he replied proudly, his voice tinged with a newfound sense of determination. "I want everyone to know that she's the one I love."

JJ's gaze softened as she took in his words, understanding the significance of the gesture. She nodded approvingly, a small smile playing on her lips.

"That's sweet, Spencer," JJ said, her tone genuine. "I'm happy for you both."

Derek had overheard what JJ had said to Spencer, and while he also did think it was cute and he would never tell a man that wearing any jewellery wasn’t masculine, he still wanted to tease Spencer a little. 

"Hey Pretty Boy, since when did you become a fashion icon?" Derek teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he sauntered over to Spencer's desk. Spencer rolled his eyes good-naturedly, used to Derek's playful banter.

“Oh, you think I’m a fashion icon because this, Derek?” Spencer grinned, a playful glint in his eye as he adjusted the necklace once more. "Well, let's just say I'm setting a new trend."

Derek chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Alright, Reid, if you say so. Just don't let Garcia catch you. She might think you're stealing her accessory game."

Spencer laughed at the thought of Garcia's reaction, imagining her excitement at seeing him embrace a new fashion statement. It felt good to have his friends' support and light-hearted teasing about his gesture towards you.

No one else seemed to care, Garcia had done a squeal of excitement when she saw the necklace and realised the initials were yours. But other than that, no one seemed to fuss over it.

*

Though he had noticed that he friends and colleagues didn’t seem to care about his necklace anymore, he had noticed how other women would interact with him. They seemed to glare at the two initials dangling around his neck and back off.

Spencer found himself almost amused by the reaction of the women who used to flirt with him. Their glares held a mix of disappointment and frustration, as if his simple act of wearing a necklace had somehow dashed their hopes. He couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction at their reactions, knowing that he was making it clear to everyone where his heart truly belonged.

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[autisticlancemcclain]

“You’re not going.”

Keith picks his head up from the table. “Huh?”

“To the Blades,” Lance clarifies, chopping up something that looks like a bright pink potato and throwing it in a rapidly boiling pot in what Keith would call an aggressive manner. “You’re not going.”

“…I didn’t say I was.”

He didn’t. He didn’t mention anything about the Blades to any living soul. Like, yeah, he had made the decision and was going to, but.

There’s no reason Lance should know that.

“Good, then, because I took your uniform — which looks like a slutty catsuit, by the way, just so you’re aware — to the incinerator last night. It’s ash now.”

Keith stares at his best friend, jaw dropped, hands resting limply on the edge of the dining table, because — huh? pardon? what happened?

“Whatever identity crisis you’re having can happen here,” Lance adds, shaking some spices into the boiling pot and stirring it a couple times. He dips in a spoon, brings it up to his lips, then makes a face. “Here, try this.”

He marches over to where Keith has been moping as he makes dinner and shoves a spoon into his gaping mouth. Keith chokes, hot stew making its merry way down his trachea, eyes watering and chest heaving.

“A little too salty,” he rasps.

Lance scowls. “Fuck. I knew it. Gotta add more barbie potatoes.” He turns down the heat, grabbing more potatoes from the sack and busying himself with peeling them. Slowly, as he recovers from the fear of his actual lungs collapsing in on themselves, Keith stands, hesitantly approaching Lance and reaching for a knife to chop what he peels.

“So,” he starts.

Lance ignores him.

But Keith is used to this dynamic. It’s either this or flipped. Friends or not, if there’s one thing they can’t do it’s use their big boy words. So he carries on.

“I take it you…don’t want me to go, then.”

Lance grunts. “Oh, look, the caveman has room in his skull for a brain after all.”

“Uncalled for,” Keith says, scowling. “I am not the one who’s refusing to communicate right now.”

The corner of Lance’s mouth twitches upwards.

Score. Point to Keith.

“Obviously I don’t want you to leave, you stupid dumbass,” Lance admits finally. He wrestles the chopped roots out of Keith’s hands and practically dunks them in the pot, turning the heat back up. Keith smears his starch covered hands on his shirt in revenge (and then wisely takes three quick and giant steps back, well out of backhanding range).

“But there are too many paladins,” Keith points out. “You said it yourself.”

Lance grabs a dishtowel, twisting it menacingly in his hands. Keith tries not to think about the scar he knows Hunk has from when Lance snapped a towel at him when they were kids, wrestling in the McClains’ kitchen. He fails.

“Do you actually have any braincells left in your head at all?”

“Yes, jackass. That’s why I did the math. I leave and the numbers add back up. Problem solved.”

“You leave and Voltron falls apart,” Lance snaps. “So maybe crunch those numbers again.”

Keith stills. Lance steps towards him, still glaring, still menacing, but he doesn’t move — he holds Lance’s gaze, searching his dark eyes, looking for the words he isn’t saying. Because Keith…Keith isn’t the one holding Voltron together. There was a reason his heart caught in his throat when Lance came to him downtrodden and talked about being a seventh wheel. There’s a reason his duffel is packed, a reason he’s talked to Kolivan. He knows who needs to step aside.

“You just don’t get it,” Lance says, frustrated. He takes another step.

“You talk to us about teamwork all the time.”

Another step.

“You’re favourite thing to whine about is the bonding moment.”

Another step, this time as he pitches his voice high and mocking, flapping his hands.

“You never shut up about training as a group.”

One final step and he’s toe to toe, shoes to boots, nose to nose. Keith realises, startlingly, that they’re the exact same height, now.

“We are a crew, imbécil. Team, group, boyband. Whatever you wanna call it. All for one and one for all. The whole nine yards, all that cheesy bullshit.” He pokes Keith hard in the chest. “You don’t get to ditch.”

“But it makes more sense,” Keith argues, weakly and half-desperately. “We only have so many resources. If I can be useful at the Blades —”

“Fuck the fucking Blades.”

Keith deflates. His hand comes up to stop Lance’s jabbing finger, curling around his knuckles. Lance softens, slightly.

“I just want to be as useful as I can be.”

“And if you’re enough as you are?” Lance asks quietly.

Keith opens his mouth, but stops, automatic I’m not dying in his throat. For the first time in his life, it doesn’t seem like the truth, with the determined set to Lance’s jaw and the sliding of their fingers together, gripping tightly.

“Then I guess I’m staying,” Keith breathes.

Lance nods. “Good.”

Keith notices his hands are kind of clammy. His forehead, too, is a little sweaty. The air between them feels hot. Keith swallows.

“Your stew is on fire,” he croaks, voice rough.

Lance drops his hand, cursing.

“Oh — por amor de dios, hablas en fucking serio —”

———

At dinner, Keith eats his burnt stew without a word of complaint. When Lance drags him to the sink to help clean up, after, even though it’s not his turn, he goes, and he lingers too close and too long, and he’s grateful that the duffel he packed to leave home for good is laid emptied on his bed when he turns in for the night.

[disneyprincemuke]

ღ this barbie can cook

every single weekend, without fail, there is one thing that mick looks forward to that has absolutely nothing to do with the adrenaline from the race. it’s actually the fact that she makes him lunch all 4 days of a race weekend and they eat it together in honda’s cafeteria together while the prop up her ipad on the table and bond over a korean drama she managed to coax him into watching.

during pre-season testing in bahrain, she made him a lot of japanese food. japanese curry as promised, then a bowl of ramen, gyudon and then onigiri for race day.

for their first race weekend, korean food. korean fried chicken, bibimbap, japchae and bulgogi in that order. in jeddah, she tried threw him a wildcard of dishes while somehow still sticking to a theme: baked potato, mashed potatoes, potato soup and sauteed potatoes.

it’s a game they like to play every weekend — how long can mick decipher the theme of food she’s making him?

“hi,” she grins, dropping her bright pink lunch bag on the table. she thanks mick softly as he pulls the chair next to him out for her to take a seat. “i brought lunch!”

he smiles with a nod. it’s funny that she would say that as if it’s something that they did not establish beforehand — that she would be making him lunch every race weekend that they’re teammates. “did you now?”

“i made pakora,” she says as she starts to take out multiple tupperwares out from her bag. “fried veggies.”

“really?” he scrunches his nose with a frown, pulling a giggle as she throws her head back. “veggies on media day? you’ve gone cruel, barbie. where’s my junk food?”

she blinks at him, eyes wide as she formulates a response in her head. “it’s fried. it’s already junk food, mick.”

he scoffs, furrowing his eyebrows and scowling in feigned disgust. “this is ridiculous, barbie! vegetables on media day!”

she stiffens up and turns to him, blinking slowly. “you don’t like it? really?” her voice comes out softly and fragile as her lips quiver slightly. she starts to put the cover back on her tupperware. “we can just get something from catering. it’s okay.”

only then mick realises that he’s messed up. he’s always joked around with her, the girl either tilting her head in confusion at jokes with depth or simply faking a laugh to try and please him. otherwise, jokes usually just go over her head.

“no!” mick sits up quickly, patting her hands lightly, shaking his head profusely. “barbie, i was joking. usually you only give me the healthy food on race day — it’s media day. get it?”

she stares at him, eyes still wide and hesitant. “are you sure? it’s okay if you don’t want it, really.”

“barbie.” he tears her hands from the tupperware along its cover. “it was a joke. you know i look forward to your cooked lunches every weekend! thank you so much for cooking again.”

“you’re sure?”

he grins. “of course. so,” he taps on her ipad, “is the new episode out yet?”

instantly, she perks up as if forgetting her initial concerns. “yes! the new episodes are out — there’s 2!” she taps away on her ipad to turn on the show she’s decided they will watch and spend the entire day discussing.

“oh, cool. so, how long did it take you to make this meal?”

“just a while,” she shrugs. she takes out their utensils, offering the other pair to mick. “let’s have lunch!”

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[idkwhatever580]

Where Did You Learn That?!

Masterlist

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Prompt: It’s a casual day when Tony brings the team to a new area to show them something. And Y/n surprises everyone.

Warnings:cursing, sexual innuendos, stripper pole usage (don’t worry there’s clothes), degradation, praise?

Pronouns: unspecified

A/N: I saw this video on tt and I immediately had to do this drabble . Lmk if you want a smutty pt. 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s pov

It’s everyone’s off day in the compound so we’re all just chilling out. I’m laying down in between nat’s legs on our designated couch in the living room.

She’s playing absentmindedly with my hair while everyone does their own thing.

Wanda is playing with Peter and America on the switch.

Thor is chowing down on poptarts.

Yelena is eating Mac and cheese while cringing and gagging about Kate’s latest boyfriend. Saying how “she doesn’t know how anybody would ever want to do something like that” and Kate obviously banters back with “says the aro ace person”

I smile at their friendship. And then I look at Bucky and Steve, Sam is helping them catch up on the greatest movies of all time.

Well everyone is taking part in that, but it’s Sam’s turn. I obviously made them watch every single Barbie movie when it was my turn. Especially the newest one. God Margo Robbie is so good. And of course Natasha made them watch all the Bond movies.

Anyways. We’re all just having a chill day.

Until Friday starts talking

“I have been instructed to inform everyone that Mr. Stark has something he’d like to show you. In the west wing.”

I frown and say outwardly to anyone who will answer

“I thought the west wing was under construction?”

Thor shrugs his shoulders and says

“I guess not anymore. Let’s go look!”

We all make our way over there and along the way Clint, Carol, and Vision join us.

We walk into the west wing to find a big ass room.

Tony is standing in the middle and says

“Welcome to the new party central!”

The lights go up a bit but not a lot. Just enough to see that there are multiple stripper poles, bars, and party amenities scattered around.

I raise my eyebrows and everyone either groans or cheers a bit. I don’t say anything I just walk up to Tony and point at the pole in the middle of the whole area. I whisper

“Is that one currently spinning? Or stationary?”

He smirks and says

“That one is turning right now. Imagining a hot girl already?”

I shake my head and say

“Something like that”

Then walk up to the pole. I’m a few feet away from it and I look down and see my outfit. It’s a baby shirt and jeans. I might fall because I’m a bit rusty but who cares. I used to be amazing. It can’t have gotten that bad right?

I shrug my shoulders and go for it. I do my most remembered and most practiced routine from my stripper days. BEFORE I became Natasha’s girlfriend.

She doesn’t know about it either.

Watch this for what it looks like :))) ⬇️

I hop down from the pole and flip my hair back and look at the avengers who all have different looks on their faces

Wanda, Steve, Kate, Thor, and Peter all have their mouths wide open and they are blushing hard.

Clint and Vision are unimpressed, probably because one is a robot and one has a wife who is also my sister. (He is literally my brother in law. He’s not gonna be impressed when he knew what I used to do)

Yelena looks disgusted naturally.

Bucky, Carol, Tony, and Sam are impressed with my skills.

And Nat. I can’t determine what her look is right now. So walk to her and take another look at everyone as I rest my arms around her neck. She absentmindedly rests her hands on my hips. Everyone is still looking in awe so I say

“What? Like it’s hard?”

That snaps them out of it.

Peter, Kate, Yelena, and America all go to the poles to have fun on them. They’re just kids.

And the rest of them walk away or start talking.

Natasha though, grabs my hand and leads me to the corner far away from everyone.

She is about to say something but Wanda walks up to us and says

“Uh- that’s- um- that was really cool.”

She’s blushing so hard and I smile at her. She’s a cutie.

I smile and say

“Thank you Wands”

She smiles and walks away quickly.

I giggle at her flustered state and turn back to Natasha and say

“Was it good?”

She scoffs and says

“Good? Are you kidding me?”

She pauses long enough for me to cut in

“Are you mad? I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d be mad if I did it in front of everyone. I know you like showing me off to everyone just to make them know who I belong to.”

I ramble a bit about her possessive tendencies with me. I also like feeling like a trophy wife sometimes.

She shakes her head and says

“No that was fucking hot. Why didn’t you tell me you used to do pole?”

I shrug my shoulders and say

“I guess it just never came up. We don’t usually talk about strippers you know?”

She nods her head and then says

“Well, I’m gonna need a few things from you from now on. Can you handle it?”

I nod my head and say

“I’m sure I can”

She smiles and kisses me and I pull away to say

“What are the things?”

She smirks and leans in to kiss my neck and says into my ear

“One- you’re gonna get fucked tonight. Two- I’m gonna need a personal show now. And three- I want at least one dance at every party. I want everyone to see what a good slut you are on the pole. Then I want them all to be sad that you’re all mine.”

I let out a shaky breath at her words. I think I get a high from feeling like a trophy wife. Only sometimes though.

I thread my hands through her messy, slightly wavy hair and pull her head back to look at me.

For some reason I get a kick of confidence and say

“I’ll do all of that for you. If I can do whatever I want with you tonight”

She raises her eyebrows at my sudden dominance but then smiles softly and says

“Whatever you want you say?”

I nod my head and say

“And you can’t say otherwise. Unless of course you are uncomfortable with it.”

She smirks and says

“I think I can handle that.”

She steps back and holds out her hand and says

“Do we have a deal?”

I nod my head and shake her hand like a business woman. And she then pulls my hand so that I get pulled up to her and she whispers against my lips

“Let’s start now. I have a feeling we have a long night ahead of us”

I nod my head and she drags me to the bedroom.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

A/N: this turned out a lot longer than I thought I would. And I know how I said I’d be taking a break but I couldn’t get this off of my mind. <3

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

Since he's in your faves, could we possibly have bandit eating his brothers 👀? with slow digestion and disposal too if possible? - 🐦 anon

That sounds like a good story for him. Great intro for him as a subject on this blog!

B.andit slurps over his lips in anticipation as he drives down the road. It’s just him and his brothers today, going out on a trip to the beach. Just some friendly brotherly bonding. Heh, well, in more than one way—the thought makes B.andit snicker a bit to himself. He quickly clears his throat when he notices R.adley glance at him through the rearview mirror. “Almost there, mates! This is gonna be a good one, I can just feel it!”

“Just so long as I get to man the barbie!” S.tripe says, a big grin on his face. B.andit's belly is gurgling wetly in anticipation. There's no food actually in the cooler, but he still intended to eat very well today.

“Still can’t believe ya found a ‘secret spot’ on the beach,’ R.adley comments. “It’ll be nice not having to fight the crowds the whole time.”

“Heh, yeah...” B.andit’s already starting to tune them out a bit. All he can think about is how good today is going to go. Every second that goes by is just another one closer to that goal. And pretty soon...he’s parking the car on the sand's edge.

The H.eelers get out of the car, all of them excited about finally arriving. The old wooden fence blocking off the beach spot has broken enough that there’s a large gap that looks like an entrance, and the ‘No Trespassing’ sign is hidden in the brush. B.andit had scouted this place out personally and he was sure that it was perfect.

“Rad, you mind settin’ up the chairs?” B.andit asks. “I’ll help S.tripe here get the grill goin’.”

R.adley smiles and nods. “You got it, mate.” He goes to get the trunk open first, doing a juggling act with three beach chairs as he drags them along to the beach. B.andit watches him go, his tail starting to wag. That just leaves him and S.tripe at the car, and the latter is getting the cooler open.

“B.andit, mate, where’s the food?” S.tripe asks as he shuffles around in the cooler. “Ya didn’t pack just beer, didja?”

B.andit slurps over his lips and his belly rumbles. “Nah, I’m lookin’ at the food right now.”

S.tripe turns around, about to ask what that means, when B.andit suddenly shoves forward and pins him in the back of the car. It gets a yelp out of the younger H.eeler, who squirms slightly in confusion. “Mate, what’re ya--” S.tripe’s question is cut off by B.andit’s yawns jaws surging forward, engulfing his face and squishing his muzzle into the other dog’s gullet.

B.andit’s tail is a blur as he tastes over his brother and starts to gulp. He’s as delicious as he seemed and it’s got B.andit excited to pack it all away. S.tripe’s shouting is easily muffled by his gullet, and even more so as the younger H.eeler starts sinking deeper. B.andit’s jaws easily push down the other dog’s shoulders and chest, then over his soft belly. B.andit’s own gut is groaning loudly, sensing lots of food about to come spilling in.

The beach was a great idea for this. With only his trunks on, B.andit gets to taste all the best parts of his meal. He shoves on his brother’s ass, cramming it into his maw with another wet gulp. Then he starts slurping those kicking legs down. His stomach groans and gurgles, bloating out steadily as S.tripe is crammed inside. He’s still shouting in there, calling for R.adley. B.andit just chuckles around the twitching feet before clacking his maw shut. One final gulp and he can feel the rest of his brother slide down into his tank.

“Hooooh yeah...” B.andit huffs out a sated sigh as he rubs along his bulging gut. “You settled in real good, mate. Thanks for handling the food.” He pats the side a few times, getting a muffled whine and some kicks from S.tripe. B.andit just snickers to himself as he hefts his gut up and lets it drop, enjoying the way it sloshes as it thumps to the floor of the car. “Too bad ya just aren’t fillin’ enough. Good thing I brought extra...” He slurps over his lips with another chuckle, side-eyeing his older brother.

R.adley is grumbling to himself, currently struggling with a very stubborn chair. B.andit’s real glad he never got around to throwing that one out. With another slurp of his chops and a few pats to the bulge S.tripe’s face was making, B.andit backs away from the car trunk and lets his gut sag down with a thick slosh. S.tripe yelps inside, wiggling around, and B.andit hefts his gut up in his paws and begins to waddle over to the eldest H.eeler.

“Agh...B.andit, the heck is wrong with this chair?” R.adley grumbles as he pulls on it. “And what’s...all that sloshin’? Don’t tell me the ice’s already melt--” R.adley gives up on the chair and turns around to face B.andit, just to get a bulging gut shoved up against him as he stares down wide, drooling jaws. He barely gets a chance to scream before they’re both tumbling down into the sand and rolling around.

R.adley shouts once for help, and then his voice is muffled and wet, sloppy slurps begin to echo out instead. B.andit groans happily around his older brother as he greedily devours him, tail wagging like crazy all the while. R.adley goes down about as easily as S.tripe did, his head and chest disappearing in just a few gulps, then his stomach after a few more…

B.andit soon rolls onto his back, his stomach sloshing around wildly as it does. He has a blissful look on his face, jaws stretched around R.adley’s rump as he drools. His older brother's legs are kicking around outside his maw, but he just puts his paws on the kicking feet and slowly pushes down on them. He can’t help the pleased moan he lets out as he enjoys the last bits of his meal. Finally, his maw seals around his own fingers, and he gulps R.adley’s feet down as he pulls them back out. “Ooooh yeeeeah…”

S.tripe whines as the last of R.adley finishes squishing into the dark and slimy gut with him. The space has already been tight, but now the two adult dogs are being roughly crammed together into a ball of meat. R.adley is curled up awkwardly, face half smothered in S.tripe’s stomach, and S.tripe has to move his head around to keep it away from R.adley’s ass or kicking legs. Things only get more uncomfortable for them when the gut begins to slosh and move again.

With a whole lot of effort, B.andit picks himself up and gets onto his feet again. His gut sloshes wetly when he does and hangs down low, sagging down to nearly touch the sand. He pants a bit from both the blissful fullness and the effort he had to exert. That’s interrupted by a deep, wet BWWWWWEEEEEEEEEELLLLCH!!!! that ends up bubbling out of him. It mixes the flavor of both his brothers in his maw, and he slurps over his lips with a pleased groan.

“Alright, lads, I’d say the H.eeler brother beach vacation is about ready to begin!” B.andit says. His brothers let out muffled groans and whines, weakly trying to wiggle around in the tight confines. B.andit pats his gut a few times and then givesit some quick rubs. “Since you guys are all settled in and relaxed now, I think it’s about time I did the same!” Thankfully, it looks like R.adley got the lounge chair set up before getting distracted with the broken one. B.andit just had to waddle his way over to it…

S.tripe whines as the belly begins to slosh more, making him slide back and forth slightly. Since his brother got crammed in on top of him, he’s in constant danger of slipping down too far and being smothered under him. And the space is too slick for him to try and fight that, and too tight for them to attempt rearranging their positions. “B.andit, this is too much for a laugh! When are ya gonna let us out?”

B.andit’s ears twitch slightly at the muffled voice of S.tripe. He reaches around to find where the younger’s head is and gives it a few rubs. “End of the day, of course. First I just gotta…” Very slowly and very carefully, B.andit lowers himself down into the lounge chair. He can already feel it groan and strain under the weight of three adult men, but so long as he doesn’t make any sudden or hard movements, it should hold! With some wiggling and shifting and occasional pushing on his belly, B.andit is able to fully lie back in the chair, arms folded behind his head. A deep, content sigh escapes him and he closes his eyes. “That’s better…”

The stomach gurgles and groans loudly around the two H.eeler brothers. The walls squeeze and shift, never giving them a moment of rest. Their fur is already soaked with slobber and other slime, and with the warm sun now beating down on the stomach, it’s starting to feel like a sauna. Most insultingly, they can feel B.andit’s paws slowly rubbing and patting over his stomach. S.tripe pants and whines, wincing a bit as he feels a wandering paw gently smack his nose. “H-He’s not really gonna leave us in here, is he..?”

“I ain’t liking our odds…” R.adley laments, his normally fluffy hair constantly sagging into his eyes. The stomach walls churn deeply, squeezing them a bit tighter together. They can hear another belch bubble out of B.andit from above them. “…startin’ to think this was all planned out, too.”

B.andit has a big grin on his face as he relaxes. No one’s going to come bother them. Their phones are back in the car. This place is completely private. It’s just him and his brothers…and eventually, it’ll just be him. B.andit slurps over his muzzle at the thought. The idea of snacking on his bros has lingered in the back of his mind for a while, but with all three of them having adult lives, it’s been hard to find a good chance to do it. He’s really glad he stumbled on this place by chance…

As the day moves along, B.andit’s stomach burbles and groans and churns and gurgles. The noises are constant, loud and wet. It easily overpowers the ocean sounds and B.andit would even say he likes them a lot more. He can’t help but feel over his gut every so often, checking in on his brothers. Feeling them wiggle or whine when his paws wander…sometimes he gets them to call out for help or try to reason with him. Getting harder to hear them over the sloppy sounds his stomach keeps making, though.

It’s only a couple of hours in when the first signs of digestion are settling in. B.andit let loose a real monster of a belch, his tail wagging like crazy. But when he felt something tickle him on the way up, he opened his eyes to see blue and orange fur fluttering from his maw. His brothers’ fur…he grins wide and presses down gently on his gut, feeling one of them—R.adley, he thinks—whine softly from the slight pressure. “How’s it going, mates? You all tuckered out yet?”

R.adley and S.tripe are already losing their sense of time. They’re soaked to the bone, squished in tight together. Everything is hot and slimy and loud and tight…their energy has long since drained. And sure enough, they can feel the stomach somehow working even harder on them, and they know it’s starting to leave its mark. “B.andit…mate…ya gotta get us out…” R.adley calls out weakly. “If ya don’t…real soon then…” The stomach churns deeply over them and the walls squeeze in, turning R.adley’s pleas into a whine.

Another bekch bubbles out of B.andit and he smacks his lips happily. “Glad t’ hear it then!” He wasn’t totally sure what R.adley was saying. His voice was well drowned out by the thick churning of his stomach, even when the older H.eeler’s head is closest to B.andit’s ears. “Though, all this heat is leavin’ me parched…alright, up we go…” B.andit moves his paws under his gut and heaves himself up with a grunt.

Everything begins to slosh and stir for the brothers, making them yelp and start to wiggle around some more. At this point, the stomach has no trouble tossing and throwing them around. They slip and tumble as B.andit waddles to the car, constantly hefting his gut in his arms just for some added disorder. Their muffled yaps and cries to B.andit go mostly unheard thanks to all the other heavy and wet noises being made.

The cooler at least makes a good shelf to rest his gut on as B.andit heads back to his chair. It took a lot of effort to get there and back and B.andit decides he doesn’t want to move for a while after that. He slowly eases back into his chair, his gut settling between his legs like before. He gives it a few pats and it burbles harshly in return, earning a deep and rumbling HWWWWWOOOOOUUUUURRRRRPPPP!!!! for all his troubles. A content sigh follows after, and B.andit leans over slightly to open up the cooler and start rummaging around.

R.adley and S.tripe are almost grateful when things start to finally settle down. Through all the commotion, they’ve ended up even more tightly compacted together, looking like a big wad of soggy fur. But they’re at least in a slightly better position, R.adley’s head buried in S.tripe’s chest, with the younger’s chin resting on top of him. S.tripe had gotten stuck under him for a while during all the sloshing around, but now that B.andit is laying back, it looks odd like he’s sitting up with R.adley curled up tight in his lap. It gives the two of them a chance to catch their breaths…until something cold splashes in with them, earning a couple of yelps.

B.andit sighs happily after he drains half a can of soda. Much better. He sets the can aside and settles back again, sloshing his gut a bit more. He’s back to his relaxing, now occasionally taking a few swings from his drinks as he does. His stomach rumbles and groans deeply, drowning out the slight whimpers from the two soggy dogs. B.andit ends up fast asleep after an hour or so, and even his snoring can barely be heard over his churning gut.

R.adley and S.tripe are left to whimper and churn as B.andit snoozes through the afternoon. If it hadn’t settled in before that, there was no denying now that they really are just food now. B.andit’s not going to be letting them out. The stomach walls churn and squeeze over them, another belch escaping B.andit in his sleep. They’re melting, slowly, bodies getting softer and weaker. A thick slop is starting to squelch and bubble around them and they know it’s only going to fill up the space more.

B.andit’s belly changed slowly as the hours went by. It shrinks a bit at first with a wet groan. Then the bulges the two dogs were making start to squeeze in tighter and round out a bit. The sounds grow wetter and more bubbly, then shrinks a few more inches. The process continues like that as the sun dips lower in the sky. A bubbly belch rumbles out of B.andit, sending a pair of swimming trunks out of his maw. It splats against his own gut and that’s enough to make him slowly blink awake again.

A wide yawn slowly works its way up next, B.andit’s tongue curling a bit as he stretches out. He smacks his lips a few times and looks down at his stomach. By now, it’s much smaller and much rounder. It definitely doesn’t look like both of his brothers would fit in there. He slowly puts his paws on gut and feels it bubble deeply. A smile quirks onto his muzzle and he gives it a few pats while he tosses the trunks aside “Glad t’ see ya both settled in. Took a few hours but…” B.andit’s train of thought is cut off by something shifting hard in his gut, making it slosh thickly. His ears perk up immediately and he leans in a bit closer. “Hello..?”

“B…B.andit…” a muffled voice pants out weakly. It can barely be heard over all the other noises and B.andit is nearly putting his ear to his stomach to listen in. He can’t quite tell which of them it is. “Please…I…c-can’t feel my…” B.andit’s gut bubbles and groans loudly and it shrinks an inch. He loses whatever was being said but it comes back in eventually. “…he’s not movin’…and I think he’s…”

B.andit sits up again, pressing his paws into his belly. “Alright, I hear ya…don’t worry, shouldn’t take much longer…” A few rubs and kneads, and he feels the whimpering, shifting lump of meat sink down deeper and lose a lot of its fight. B.andit has a couple more hours to enjoy here, judging by the sun. He’s sure this’ll all be done by then…

With some effort, B.andit lifts himself out of the chair. His gut wobbles and sloshes wetly as he does, a lot rounder and more…orb shaped. At this point, he’s not sure if he can feel anymore natural movement inside, but it doesn’t matter much. He hefts up his gut with a bubbly belch and waddles to the shore. He can’t go to a beach for a day and not get in the water for at least a while! And with his belly so much smaller, it’s finally time to enjoy that warm ocean water!

It does feel very nice on his hard-working belly. It’s a bit awkward wading through the water and swimming while hefting it, and he gets knocked over a few times thanks to all the weight. But as his belly grows smaller, pumping away the thick slop his brothers have been steadily reduced to, it gets easier to stay upright. It also makes him thicker and heavier all around. New weight rounds him out further, sagging down a bit. His swimming trunks get much tight on his form, the leg holes stretching out tight over expanding thighs and his ass filling the back out more.

B.andit eventually hauls himself out of the water. He wipes his face dry as his fur droops and sops. He’s nearly doubled in weight by now, paws roaming over his new heft absentmindedly. His tail won’t stop wagging, spraying water everywhere. His belly groans and burbles deeply, a new weight building up down low. Just in time, too. The sun’s going down so he needs to start packing up.

By the time the chairs are all folded up and packed in the truck, B.andit feels a low pressure rumble in his bowels. He winces and rubs his gut. “Oi, hold on a tick, mates. Almost done here…” He bends down to grab the drink cooler…and then his ears perk up as a loud tearing sound pierces the air. His cheeks burn a little bit, knowing exactly what that was, given that he can feel the air on his bum. His tail lifts instinctually after that as a low rumble sends a wet fart blowing out of him. B.andit’s cheeks burn even darker. His brothers don’t feel like waiting.

B.andit perks up quickly, looking around. Private beach—no port-a-potties. He doesn’t want to just go in the sand or the water, though. His eyes go back to the drink cooler. That’s basically a toilet, right? The ramping pressure in his bowels agrees, so B.andit throws open the lid, turns around, and sits down. Not even a second later, he’s grunting as a thick log begins to spread him out and splash into the ice water still in the cooler.

More splashes echo out as B.andit lays cables in the cooler. To give them credit, R.adley and S.tripe are sliding out with relative ease! B.andit has a bit of trouble over more…difficult bones, like the ribs and the skulls. But other than some grunting and a bit more effort, the other two H.eeler’s make for smooth sailing. The only real issue is that there’s…a lot of them. B.andit’s a little worried about overflow, but just before he’s about to get up and move, he finds the last few pounds of waste squeezing out of him and into the cooler.

With a deep and sated sigh, B.andit takes a second to catch his breath before getting up. He can’t resist looking down into the cooler. Brown logs are coiled and heaped up inside, filling up nearly the whole thing. Random bones jut out here or there, most notably to him being one skull that’s buried halfway up its eyes that has the end of its muzzle sticking out, and the other one that’s sitting near the top but is missing its lower jaw. If it weren’t for the familiar fur color dotting the brown muck, they’d be unrecognizable.

B.andit’s tail is wagging like crazy and he smiles. The thought that his brothers remind him of a dig site bemused him. And while these are two full skeletons…he doubts anyone would find a lot of value in them. B.andit might, but hauling the cooler into his car sounds like a lot of work and then there’s the smell and how late it is…B.andit ends up closing the lid to the cooler and dusting his paws off. “Guess I’ll head back alone then. You two can keep enjoying the beach, though!” With a grin and a mock wave to the cooler, B.andit waddles himself back to his car.

After adjusting the seat to squeeze inside and starting it up, B.andit gives one last look at the beach and the cooler that his brothers are packed in. He grins again and gives his stomach a few idle pats. Maybe if the cooler is still here after a few days, he’ll drag it home and bury it somewhere. And if it’s not…at least it’s a convenient way for someone to dispose of it. B.andit pulls out onto the road and drives off after that, just as the sun disappears past the horizon.

[borbi-edits]

My Barbie 2023 movie reaction

Overall I liked it! I think it was a lot of fun. Spoilers ahead!

Things I liked a lot:

The discontinued barbies! ("There's a TV in my back. You know who's dream that is? NO ONE'S")

Kate McKinnon. Weird Barbie. Obviously. ("Sorry we called you Weird Barbie behind your back. And also to your face.")

Ken acting like Barbie's 2 year old/puppy when they first get to the real world. ("Can I go for a walk?" "Don't go far!" *staring at Barbie as he walks away*)

Seeing the dolls in the end credits!

Finding out Gloria is Barbie's human. A mom playing with Barbies! Having happy memories about her dolls! Getting to meet her favorite doll IRL and the way they bonded! And they were so cute squeeing and fangirling over each other when they first met!

Alan.

The last line Barbie speaks.

[woso-fan13]

It’s Fantastic

Most of the team is hanging out in the common room, everyone doing their own thing. The silence of the room is interrupted when you look up from your phone, calling everyone’s attention. 

“Hey guys? Do we have any plans tomorrow night?” 

The question is clearly directed towards one of the older players, as you and the younger players have made it clear that you would not be memorizing schedules. 

Alex scrolls through something in her phone for a few seconds before looking up and responding. 

“Practice until 6, dinner at 7. After that, we have the rest of the night off. Why?”

“That’s literally perfect! There’s a movie theater not too far from here, can we please, please, please all go see the new Barbie movie?!?” you’re not ashamed to admit that you may be begging slightly. 

The others chuckle at your enthusiasm, but all exchange glances. There really wasn’t a good reason that they couldn’t see the move. And judging by the looks on everyone’s face, you weren’t the only one who wanted to go see it.

“Tell you what, Y/N,” Pinoe levels you with a look, “if you can convince Vlatko to let us all go, we’re in.”

“Easy,” you say with full (false) confidence. “He can’t say no to me. Plus, I already rented out a theater.”

—-

It turns out, Vlatko has no problem saying no to you. But, again, you’re not above begging. You beg and plead, until he finally gives in. Honestly, it’s probably so he doesn’t have to listen to you anymore. 

Your team was in, Coach had approved it, now you just needed to make it exciting.

—-

“It’s Lucy and Kiera, and Georgia and Le-“ you sing, skipping into the England common room. “Hmmm, I guess that song doesn’t really work anymore. And I didn’t even get to the bridge about Beth and Vivi.”

The England team is somewhat startled by the American who came singing an obnoxious theme song. You had made the song up almost four years ago, after you had signed for Arsenal. At freshly 14, in a new country and away from your family, some of the Arsenal girls had taken you in. 

When they realized that going to camp meant leaving you behind, Leah worked some magic and managed to sort it out so that you could go and practice with the team. You clicked with the team instantly, becoming the annoying little sister that they couldn’t help but love. 

“Anyway, mates,” you start. Leaning over to Georgia, you whisper to ask, “did I use that right?”

At her nod, you continue, “as I was saying, anyway, mates, I’ve come to extend an invitation for a once in a lifetime opportunity. It’s been called bigger than the World Cup. Who wants to go see the Barbie movie tomorrow night?”

You’re bouncing on your feet slightly as you speak, clearly excited. 

Lucy lets out a small chuckle, “good luck convincing Sarina to let us skip recovery to watch a movie.”

You squint slightly at Lucy, somewhat questioning, “you seem to forget who convinced Sarina to let us have a Colin cake for dinner more than once. It’s on.”

“Meet in the US lobby at 7:45, and don’t forget to wear pink,” you shout over your shoulder as you rush out the door. 

—-

Sarina agreed with very little convincing. You assured her that all of the girls were okay with starting recovery earlier so that they could go to the movie, and she couldn’t deny that team bonding is always a good idea. 

She only had one stipulation, which you easily agreed to. After helping her pick out the appropriate pink outfit for her to wear the next night, you move on to your next project. 

—-

You knock cheerily on the door a few times before swinging it open. Your face lights up as you see the two people you were looking for, and you rush towards them. 

Rue and Katie pulled you in, hugging you tight. You hadn’t seen them in a long time, and you had missed the women who had watched out for you for so many years. Rue pressed kisses all over your face as Katie ruffled your hair. You pull away from them, giggling. 

“Guys, I love you and I missed you like crazy, but that’s not why I’m here,” now, you turn to address the majority of the Ireland team that’s in the room. “I’m here to invite you all to come to a very exclusive cinema screening tomorrow evening. Meet at 7:45 in the US lobby and wear something pink. Don’t be late!”

You shout a quick bye to the two women before leaving the room, now onto your hopefully last task. 

—-

“Oh, Sammy,” you say happily, trotting into the room where you found most of the Australian team. 

You knew Sam from playing against her in London, but you had become even closer when she started dating Kristie. If she could be your possible future sister-in-law who’s not actually related to you in any way, you had to be best friends. If you asked Sam, though, she may say that she mainly tolerates you. 

“Hi Ali, hi Sammy, hi rest of the team,” you rush out, “tomorrow night, 7:45, US lobby, wear pink, please come.”

You nod once, turning and waking out the door. The team sits in confusion for a second, scanning the others’ faces to see if anyone knows what you said. 

—-

When dinner started at 7, you ate about two bites before trying to get out of your chair and clear your plate. You get about a dozen glares and a hand catches your wrist before you leave the table. 

“I’m full, promise, I just gotta go. It’s almost time,” you protest. 

The glares don’t lessen, though, so you slump back in your seat. You pout as you push the food around your plate, the others trying not to laugh as you through what is basically a temper tantrum. 

“Y/N.”

Your full first name gets you looking sheepishly up at Alex. 

“You don’t have to finish your whole dinner, but you do need to finish your vegetables. Then you can go get ready.”

You still squirm slightly, too excited to sit completely still. But you don’t make any move to bring your fork up to your mouth. 

“You know,” Kelley starts in a way that makes it clear that you don’t actually know, “I bet Pressy and Tobs would love a call to hear about how the ‘golden child’ isn’t listening. I don’t think they’ll be asleep yet, how about we give them a call now?”

You stay silent, finally managing to still your body. 

“It’s funny, I bet Tobin still has all the numbers of the Arsenal players. And I would also bet that she would not hesitate to call them and tell them the plans are off because someone couldn’t behave.”

She pulls her phone out, then hesitates, “that takes care of England and Ireland, but I’m not sure about Australia. I could have Kristie call Sam, or I could have Chris call Ali. Y/N, do you have any preference?” Kelley fixes you with a look. 

Finally, you break, showing a bite of your dinner in your mouth. After chewing and swallowing, you look up. 

“I’m sorry, please don’t cancel. I wasn’t trying to be bad, I’m just excited.”

The rest of dinner passes quickly, and soon it’s 7:30. You’re basically vibrating in the lobby, waiting for everyone to arrive. Soon enough, everyone’s arrived and the lobby is a sea of hot pink. With a giant smile on your face, you start leading everyone out of the hotel and over a couple of blocks to the movie theater. 

“Was this planned?” Sam leans over to ask Kristie, “how did she have that outfit?” 

You were wearing a fully pink outfit that would have made Barbie herself jealous. Meanwhile, the England girls were doling out their pink warm up gear after you insisted that you wouldn’t let anyone not wearing pink into the movie. 

Kristie laughs, “no, that’s just how she dresses. Pink nails, pink dresses, sparkles, the whole deal. It’s easier not to question it.”

You were at the front of the group, talking to players you used to play with, players you currently play with, players you could only dream of playing with. There weren’t different countries, there weren’t rivals, there weren’t competitors. There were simply people following a girl dressed in far too much pink. 

[campbell-rose]

Helluva Rewrite: Blitzø

ft Loona doodles :) Alright first off sorry this took so long i got a job lol

A large part of his character is the fact that he used to be a clown, so I took a bit of two face in this design and accentuated the scarring on the left side of his face. I decided to give him the circular cheek bits to allude to the clown as well as ruffling his collar under the clothes. He’s the most complex design of the IMP so far, aside from Loona’s multiple spots, so i tried to keep the colors simple but distinct from M&M. I took the spikes and put them on his clothes – as in he puts on thorns to keep people away. I think a pink tone suits his more lusty character. 

Now as for his character... I'll be honest I struggled with him for a bit. I wasn’t entirely sure where I wanted his character to go or how serious this rewrite would take the drama Viv wants to write. I adore writing deep characters, so I suppose I’m going to have to take The Office’s approach of being a comedy with moving parts. There are overarching plot lines in this version, that being Moxxie’s mafia ties coming back to haunt him, Blitzo’s past coming back to fuck him over in the form of everything about him, and Millie’s insecurities fucking her over when it counts. Maybe the series underlying theme is how running from your problems doesn’t work. Idk, because I also like the whole monster of the week type assassin gigs they do. I’ll make it work. 

So now, introducing the new and improved Blitzø! 

Blitzø is a mixed imp, his father being from Greed and his mother being from Lust. As such he’s a very poor mix of bad traits. He’s hypersexual (to the point of disturbing others), greedy as fuck (as he underpays Millie and Moxxie), is greatly attached to and possessive of those he likes (hence his smothering of Loona and stalking of M&M), and tends to think with his dick in most situations which get him into quite a few pickles (hehe pickle) 

Alright, so personality wise he is just about the same. He shits on others, is generally an ass and not very shy about it, but one thing I want to change is his delivery. This Blitzø is much more jovial about what he’s doing, putting on an act of being very charming and playful, even when he insults people. Ex, the line in the pilot when he mentions Moxxie crushing his dreams would include a very childish pout and a chuckle after. He plays the things he says off as jokes so it gives him an air of... idk like you don’t know when he’s ever being serious. 

He grew up in a circus in Greed along with his twin sister Barbie Wire (side note if Blitzo was my og creation he would have a pun/type name like Barbie does. Too tired to come up with one now, but mainly just because Barbie Wire is a much more creative name than fucking Blitzo) and his mother, who was dying day by day. His father was the ring leader and used his children as props to make money. Blitzo was a double act with Barbie Wire where they would do tricks on trained horses before Barbie started wanting to do trapeze and Blitzo was paired with Fizz instead to do acrobatics and tell jokes. 

Now since we don’t know what the fuck happened in Blitzo’s past (despite being on fucking season 2) I’m going to leave this bit open ended until Viv plays her cards then rewrite it into my story.  

So overall I’m not tweaking too much with Blitzo. Maybe instead of being a woobie who is like oh woe is me I suck he is just an overt asshole who sort of wants to be better but that’s too much work.  

His relationship with Stolas is a can of worms and I fucking hate worms. Alright, so we’re scrapping the childhood buddies thing, and going full force into what we all were shown in the pilot – this powerful demon is banging Blitzo in exchange for the Grimoire. Now real quick, why doesn’t Blitzo use Asmodean crystals? In this I'm making it so only lust demons can bond with crystals (bonding meaning only that demon can use them) and unbound crystals can’t leave Lust. So Blitzo would have to go to Lust and buy one, which is expensive as fuck and he was too broke at the time he struck the deal with Stolas. He’s planning on ditching Stolas as soon as he has enough cash to buy a crystal for IMP to use. 

So Stolas and Blitzo are both using each other, neither of them are like “omg I think he likes me”. Stolas wants sex to fuel his imp fetish and Blitzo wants the book. Blitzo has every intention of cutting this off as soon as he gets the crystal, and in his mind is only really indulging some rich brat demon. The issue comes when Blitzo finds himself actually liking Stolas – he likes the owl’s stupid spiels about literature and space and herbs, he likes that Stolas tells him helpful things with no prompting (like how certain herbs can treat injuries and things like that), and he finds himself liking Stolas’s company. Which is a big problem if he wants to cut the demon off, so he starts trying to get that in gear. This is also while being constantly reminded how unlovable he is and how he ruins everything he touches, but he’s conflicted because Stolas has started to treat him kindly and refer to him like an acquaintance rather than a sex toy. 

Any I'm tired af, going to bed. 

Oh, but before I go I just want to say that now that I’ve finished the IMP gang, I’m taking a minor break from reworking Helluva and will be posting some RWBY redesigns I’ve made because I fucking hate RWBY but at the same time it’s like my childhood. I’ll tag anything Rwby I'm doing as Rwby Rework if you’re interested, but don’t worry I’ll continue to do more viv/helluva/hazbin later this month! 

Thanks for reading <3

[hotpinkstaples]

favorite thing about bartkon is that there’s no broader trope they fill. they’re not a variant of superbat. they don’t fulfill any cosmic team-up that’s necessary to keep the world spinning. they each have killer OG solos that don’t really overlap until we get to yj, and even then, their interactions follow a pretty solid trajectory of a growing and lifelong bond WITHOUT interfering in the personal lives that they live WHILE becoming so important to each other that they’ve canonically broken down over the other. the beauty in bartkon is that to love it, you DO gotta make an attempt to understand them individually before you try to smush them together like barbies. they don’t have 2.3 million interactions, but like, they also don’t NEED 2.3 million interactions to prove how deeply they love and care for each other.

[eternalsa2z]

Counter-Culture / Fight the Man

My boyfriend and I were always different. I was a tatted-up doll who broke the mold of pretty, pink, plastic trophy wives. A rockstar, counter-culture queen who needed an equal anti-establishment king. In many ways Rocky was the perfect fit. A punk metalhead who loved guy-liner and was secure enough in his masculinity to wear pink. We bonded over being different and unique.

However the longer we were together, the more my thinking changed. Could we really be alternative icons if we were presenting the same styles? Did our shared nonconformist looks actually make us standard and boring?

I couldn't stand the thought of being a poser. So I talked with Rocky about it. We agreed that it didn't make sense for me to become a cookie-cutter bimbo trophy doll - even in an ironic sense it was too traditionalist. But if my bf rocked an alternative look, became the very thing society said he was supposed to be attracted to, then that would be the biggest middle finger to norms. Fighting the man by fighting his own manhood.

A few months later and I'll admit, my 'girlfriend' really went deep into the role. Plastic tits, fake platinum blonde extensions, doll-like makeup and filler so no one would recognize the old Rocky. The mental training was amazing - sometimes I wondered if 'Diamond' really still believed in our cause with the way she babbled and giggled about inane material things. She fought the man and her inner feminine Barbie doll won.

Our relationship sure has changed. I now wear the pants, at least compared to the skimpy slit dresses that Diamond wears. I have to do most of the thinking for both of us when Rocky used to be such a smart alternative thinker. But as I see the two of us together, I realize we are perfect. Because nothing says 'fuck you' to the standard heteronormative patriarchy like a female-led relationship with a trans lesbian barbie doll wife. Or as my girlfriend likes to say - 'It's, like, totes metal!'

[oneforthemunny]

How do you think rockstar eddie would react to slash performing at the oscars to i’m just ken. How would all the girls react? Would it be a bonding moment?

i think he would think it was fucking amazing. he definitely loved the barbie movie for a lot of reasons, the number one being that his girls loved it and therefore he loved it.

also, he'd definitely recognize a few things from the movie. the house, the dog that you fed and pooped, the car and things that were supposed to be like real things from barbie that his girls had throughout the years.

personally, i stand by my hc that he would've taken the gig over slash to play in i'm just ken in the move and then at the oscars (plz tell me you guys know the blurb). but if he didn't get it offered to him, i think he'd be so fucking stoked that slash did. especially when he brought eddie van halen's son out too. eddie would definitely take a blurry ass picture of his tv and post it on instagram (a rare ig post) about how amazing it was and also how the oscars are rigged lol.

something like:

@/: eddiemunsonofficial: The most METAL fucking thing the Oscars have EVER done!!!! Fuck the Academy or Whatever for not nominating them!!! Keep Rockin'!!!!🤘🎸🩷⚡️🦇

i could see vega commenting under it something insane like "let him cook!!!" and eddie's not really sure what that means but ok!!!!

he's literally just ken and we all know that. that song would be in his spotify wrapped for years bc that's actually his song entirely. like yes, he too only has a good day if barbie (nb) looks at him???? mojo dojo casa house??? literally his mansion before he met her??? it's literally them.

[my-name-is-apollo]

OKAY so I read "The Caesars" by emperor Julian and y'all, if you love Lucian's satires this is absolutely for you.

Here are some of my favorite parts from it:

A quick summary: Romulus (who has now attained the status of a god, like Heracles) once hosted a Saturnalia and invited the Greek gods and the Roman emperors to the banquet. A contest between the Roman emperors ensued, with Alexander the Great called in as an extra contestant upon Heracles' request.

Silenus is the star of the show, doing most of the jesting. But I really like the way his bond with Dionysus is highlighted

And it's no joke, he really does roast these emperors till they're sizzling lol starting with Julius Caesar himself:

Next comes Augustus Octavius, whose entry is so pretentious and pompous that it becomes repulsive

Apollo gets a bit defensive over his "nursling" (a nod to the belief that Octavius was actually Apollo's son) and goes *insert Barbie meme "it's really not that bad! it just needs a little... shaping. To the salon!!"* ft Zenon the Philosopher who casts some spells of philosophy to make Octavius less obnoxious

And it works because Octavius is mostly humble and well mannered for the rest of the day lol

Heracles grabs this opportunity to fanboy over Alexander the great.

Like, "my beloved Alexander"?? It's cute when the gods gush over their mortal descendants.

Now, a shoutout to the emperors who didn't even get a chance to sit in the assembly because they were the worst of the lot apparently. We have:

Caligula, so terrible that the gods didn't wanna even look at him and he straight away was sent to Tartarus

Nero, who tried to be an Apollo wannabe and promptly got taken to the underworld

Commodus, whom Silenus didn't even bother to roast (and he tripped and fell anyway, what a loser)

There are more but these were the funniest

Anyway, the gods decide on how to choose the best amongst the Emperors. Apollo and Hermes have differing opinions on this, but Zeus decides to entertain the suggestions of both of his sons :3 (finally, one instance where he treats Apollo and Hermes equally)

All the emperors talk about their achievements first, then Hermes cross examines them to see if their motives were worthy enough and oh boy, it does not go well for Alexander who is brought to the verge of tears by Dionysus lmaooo

Anyway, in the end the gods vote and Emperor Marcus Aurelius wins the contest. But after that, Zeus asks each emperor to choose a god to spend the rest of their evening with

Ares and Aphrodite kind of just adopt Caesar LOL and yes, Cronus is present, sitting beside Zeus, with Rhea and Hera also sitting with them. He is the one who nominates Marcus Aurelius.

but here's the most crack part of this whole thing:

Like who invited Jesus bro skdjsndn 😭

Anyway, the story ends with Hermes giving some generic advice to the author, Emperor Julian and ending the story. Also, Julian lets us know that this whole story was told to him by none other than Hermes himself, and gives a disclaimer that he doesn't know if it's is true or just a lie fabricated by Hermes, or a mixture of both LMAO

Here's the link PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE THING

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

Blitz and Octavia bonding headcanons?

LOL oh my God here we go: - Blitz doesn't expect Octavia to like him- like ever. He's amazed Stolas likes him. He doesn't like himself. He's the other "woman" and the reason her parent's marriage ended. So he's very surprised to find they connect with one another over a shared love of music- genre in particular. They like the same styles, the same bands, and the same songs, and when she catches him humming something she's familiar with absently one day she is surprised and pleased. It becomes a little ritual; sharing music they think the other will enjoy, texting links to videos back and forth to one another. -Octavia is a Good Girl. She's almost never done anything wrong or out of line a day in her life. Blitz's rebellious, dangerous streak is new to her, but when she's having a bad day, stressed, anxious, or just needs to get something out of her system, he takes her to the edges of the ring and finds old, dilapidated buildings. He teaches her how to throw rocks through the windows, works on her aim and getting her further and further away from her target and needing more and more force to nail her 'shots'.

-He also finds old, unused shit for them to shamelessly steal- old signs, traffic lights, whatever looks cool. Her room ends up decorated in this old shit that Stella says is tacky garbage if she ever sees it and Stolas says is charming.

-They also share a love of art. Octavia seems to have gotten an artistic streak passed down from her dad, and Blitz adores drawing, and sometimes they'll doodle each other in the most outlandish caracatures imaginable and give them to one another. Blitz keeps every single one Octavia has ever made of him, tucked safely in his desk at work.

-He has a surprising tolerance and patience for being her Barbie doll. He will happily let her spend hours practicing her make-up skills on him, testing outfits, styling wigs, painting his claws. Stolas does this, too, with just as much patience as Blitz, but Blitz tends to give her real critique while Stolas will just heap on praise. -They mall-crawl together. He actually tends to keep out of her way, keeping her safe from a distance, but will appear at her side in an instant when she wants him. They have similar taste in clothing and brands, and he expands hers a little. It's a ritual to eat the nastiest, greasiest thing they can get their mouths on when they're done and top it off with something unhealthily sugary.

-Related: once in a while, if she's very lucky, he'll go in with her to an escape room or laser tag venue in the mall, where she can bust out her smarts and he can show off his skills. Sometimes it's an in-mall arcade instead.

[anglercrit]

I don't care if everyone called me lesbophobic,I refuse to knowledge MarthaXmayberry as cannon,there are literally a lot of characters to be better partners to Ms.mayberry or simply just leave her alone cause some people who had fucked up relationship choose to stay single either out of trauma or because they want to find peace and heal themselves because they can't handle relationships anymore and there's nothing wrong with that,yet they chose the worst partners for her,the same woman who ruined her life is now her partner and I don't buy this "they're just hate fucking!" Cause deep down they support this toxic ship "but there's no wlw representation in HB!" What about loona? Viv just confirmed that she's bi, right? or she only made her bi in last minute for aesthetics? Why she didn't use loona or even verosika as wlw, huh? Viv and her stans just love toxic relationships cause they're toxic themselves. Also viv's shows are headcannon-based which means that she cannot write without using her fanbase ships as part of stories,HB would have been different if she ignored her fanbase fannons and by different I mean better,all we got is the wattpad show that pretends to be the next bojack horseman.

Yea I'll admit I wish we at least got some reasoning even if like a sentence or two of WHY Martha and Mayberry decided to hook up after the latter put a hit on the former and the former caused the latter's husband to cheat on her. I've seen a lot of people bring up the idea of them realizing that Reggie (the husband) was using them and bonding over that which I like but man if that's what they were going for they could've elaborated on it better. I also like your idea of Mayberry staying single after everything as she tries to sort herself out.

Onto Loona...yea I kinda agree. I have NOTHING against the amount of bi/pan characters in the show but considering essentially all of them have only been shown in m/f relationships or having m/f crushes like Moxxie (who eventually DID get an ex boyfriend but even still that was two seasons in), Loona and Barbie, it kinda does feel like Viv wrote them as straight and then slapped bi/pan onto them at the last minute so she could claim she was writing good rep.

And finally yea Viv just needs to stay back from her fanbase- I've heard people claim that she took the whole "V is a fallen angel" thing from fan theories and considering how poorly it was written into the show...yea I wouldn't be surprised ngl.

[punkeropercyjackson]

Ages ago @floof-ghostie sent me an saying 'I'm humbly asking for Perlex headcanons🤲' but my inbox got piled up so now i can't find it :/ Thankfully i remember it clear as day so here's your Perlex food Sola!!

We got an New York raised monoracial afro-dominicano and a San Francisco raised blasian(chinese)dominicana.They're both audhd dyslexic and bptsd,punk,femmes in ways that come across as masc to normies and share the same yet opposite personality and life experiences.Match made in Elysium and not to kiss my own fat ass but i'd pay to watch a black love movie about that

Their nicknames for eachother are 'Blue' and 'Bubbles' and 'Princesa Azul' and 'Strawberry Pop' are added on when they finally end up together.'Blue' duh,'Bubbles' Lex has a boba tea addiction,'Princesa Azul' 'Principe Azul' translates to both 'Blue Prince' and 'Prince Charming' and 'Strawberry Pop' Lex is bubbly and sweet and so fucking pink and they met on the strawberry fields when Lex made blue strawberries with their Demeter kid powers for Percy when he jokingly asked

Gf who is so babydoll x Bf who is so trans gamer girl

Lex is pint-sized but thick(think Fionna Campbell)and Percy is a tank transfem.4'11 vs 6'4

Both sweet tooth people but Percy's favorite flavor is bluestrawberries and Lex's is cotton candy,fast food is a love language for them and they learned to make chinese fast food together and they're burger lovers-Percy loves double cheese burgers while Lex loves loaded burgers and they even eat the same ones together like The Lady and The Tramp😭

Lex has a 2000s Barbie flip phone they use exclusively for Percy and Percy only lets Lex touch his gaming equipment because they're special :3

Percy's love of blue is only rivaled by Lex's love of pink and they buy/make eachother goods in their fave colors

Percy does have their own unique style but they took inspo from Lex's ultimate earthy black aesthetic(by which i mean their mom is literally fuckin' DEMETER and they're her strongest mortal kid)subcounciously.There's leans into the type of darker/muter bohemian and traditional afropunk that gets confused for goth by normies

Lex on their end looks like a punk Polly Pocket and has been dressing pastel punk/solarpunk since freshman year Goode High by Rachel's helping hand.When dating started,they got Percy to participate in their femmehood and he became their gnc af bi boyfriend until The Krak(and not en)

They diy'd her estrogen,lended her their clothes she refused not to wear even though they didn't fit and did her iconic black base with a white streak mermaidcore dye job for her in an intimate moment where Percy gripped Lex's waist tightly in dysphoria at possibly looking ridicilous and they reassured her with compliments,gestures and kisses to her face

They hate regular books but love comic books and were insecure about being stupid over it until they met and bonded over it

Lex has a flavored lipgloss collection with a huge variety of increasingly out there flavors and a couple of them were gifts from Percy.NIGGA THINKS HE'S SLICK LMAOOOOOOO but yeah they make out so often

Percy has the cocky flirty punk dude thing going on but it's a Lex exclusive.You couldn't have threatend him into doing that with Annabeth and not just because she'd beat his ass for it.But back on topic,this is the type i was picturing,Perlex core:

The Outcast Godlings relathionships graph:Nico and Percy are canon compliant up until Hoo where there were no retcons so they're closer than ever,Lex briefly met Nico when Percy was showing him around camp and grew lavenders to hand to him and sweetly asked him to be nice to Percy and he happily agreed and later they found him sobbing his heart out in the mess hall's kitchen over Bianca joining The Hunters so they offered to be his new big sister and he accepted and they chugged strawberry milk tea together,the three of them rebuilt their connection inbetween Botl and Tlo,Hazel instantly approached Lex in Moa's Argo || landing on New Rome as Percy had been yapping about them ever since he bit into a Camp Jupiter strawberry that didn't taste quite the same for some reason he couldn't remember just yet that made sadness he didn't understand wash over him and invited them to the cat cafe for coffee and chatting and kitty playing and they were besties by the end of their visit and fell into Tartarus together as opposed to Percy and Annabeth and the four of them are best friends,the Dead Sea Siblings are legally siblings by Sally's post-Boo Nico and Hazel adoption,Lex is Nico and Hazel's big sister figure and Perlex are the Team Parents aka Sea Dad and Plant Mom

Nico and Hazel are punk kids and baby afrogoths who were radicalized by their punk pseudo-parents and mentors.They taught them all about actual punk culture and never let them set a foot in Hot Topic in favor of diy lessions and they all go on petty crime sprees and tagging together and ofc charity events and once the kids aren't kids anymore,they're comfortable bringing them to riots and protests too.The Outcast Godlings are well-known on the underground NY parties and shows scene and have adventures and episodic drama with it and they frequent marts for shoplifting and poc owned food trucks for paying.The skatepark is a hot spot for them too,Lex and Nico are rollerbladers and Percy and Hazel are skaters(like mother,like son,like father,like daughter)and they go thrifting a lot

They also go out for froyo every sunday as family bonding.Percy's flavor is blue raspberry and her toppings are gummy bears and rainbow sprinkles,Nico's flavor is vanilla and oreo pieces and his toppings are gummy bears once in a blue moon,Hazel's flavor is strawberry and her toppings are chocolate chips and cookie dough and sometimes fruity pebbles and Lex's flavor is s'mores and strawberry caramel swirl and their toppings are cookie dough and boba pearls.Whenever Perlex have a froyo date they get cotton candy with brownie bits and m&m's.The four of 'em also frequent the local cat cafe and are the only reason it's still in bussiness and actually helped it's publicity once by putting Percy in a cat fursuit and Lex in a catgirl maid outfit(Nico and Hazel have blackmail photos saved on Hazel's camera)

They're so autistic about video games of all kinds,from indie,to the classic Pokemon and Animal Crossing,to time management,to tamagotchis and unironically do 'gamer couple' things

Percy has a special sparkly sunflower hair charm to represent Lex he saves for special occasions(like their wedding)and Lex is a clothes thief as Percy's sea salt scent and portable heater ahh temperature is comforting

Matching Ichigo Kurosaki and Orihime Inoue/Ichihime secondhand figures,matching Bubbline icons on The Second Argonauts group chat and matching Flutterdash synergy

Also Percy's username is 'Blue with no Clues',Lex's 'Pink Hot Girl Breaker',Nico's is 'Oreos Lessreos' and Hazel's is 'Princess of The Underworld and Nunya'

Lex wears the one pink hibicius flower in your hair look for subliminal messaging

They also remind Percy of Brandy's Cinderella aka his first ever fictional crush(*subliminal messaging intensifies*)

Mixtapes,homemade pins and patches for the other's battle jacket,sharing energy drinks,carving love messages into barks,Lex playing the kalimba as Percy's head lays in their lap

Percy's piercings are an eyebrow piercing,forward helix on both ears,a spider bite and a tongue ring and Lex's piercings are industrials on both ears,a lip ring,a belly button ring and an eyebrow piercing

Teezo Touchdown bf x Frank Ocean gf.Uuhh and Pink + White are Perlex songs

As are Blue Dream by Jhené Aiko,Strawberry Mentos by Leanna Firestone,Self-Love but the pearl nightcore cover specifically,Fairy Type Girl by Yunglex,Kool by Meet Me @ The Altar,Eres from Soy Luna,Somewhere only we know by Keane,Head above water by Roll for it aaaaaand Cheeseburger Family by Jack Stauber's Micropop is an Outcast Godlings bonus!!

Their biokids are a girl named after Sally who goes by Sal because she's a tomboy and looks almost exactly like Percy but with Lex's eyes,followed by Theodoros aka Theo,Xiomar,Penelope aka Penny and the twins Helena and Rosabela