#like am i missing something does that just not matter to y’all?

[i-am-church-the-cat]

Is it racism? Is that what’s happening?

[midnightwriter21]

jjk hcs: the jjk boys as boyfriends

characters: yuji itadori, megumi fushiguro, yuta okkotsu

warnings: none (i think?)

AN: if there’s anymore boyfriend hcs that you’d like to see lmk!! read gojo & nanami as boyfriends HERE

YUJI ITADORI

oh girl i am JEALOUS

he can be a little air headed at times but he’s the sweetest bf ever

i say he’s air headed but he’s actually very attentive

you get half an inch trimmed off your hair?

he notices immediately

“babe your hair looks great!”

notices everything about you actually

from your favorite color

to the brand of PENS you prefer to use

who tf notices the brand of pens people use?!?

yuji does

yk the tiktoks of boys picking entire BUSHES of flowers for their girlfriends

that’s him.

he straight up rips a whole bush out of the ground from the front of jujutsu high to give to you

principal yaga was not amused

gojo was tho

HE PRINTS OUT YOUR INSTAGRAM PICTURES TO REPLACE THE POSTERS OF MODELS ON HIS WALL

he’s so proud that your his girl fr

oh and he’s gotta hella pet names for you too

they’re all super basic

babe, sweetheart, cutie, etc.

he flirts w u like y’all aren’t together

awful pickup lines and everything

“do you have a mirror in ur pants? cause i can see myself in them.”

if u don’t think he’s the cutest then u can go argue with the wall bye

MEGUMI FUSHIGURO

he has me in a chokehold

anyways

at the beginning of y’all’s relationship he’s awkward as fuck

but he eases up pretty quickly

veryyyyyy private with y’all’s relationship

if you somehow get him to hold your hand in public let alone give you a kiss?!?

girl count ur blessings fr

and it’s not bc he’s embarrassed of your relationship or anything no ma’am

it’s bc he would NEVER hear the end of it from gojo, nobara, and yuji

valid excuse

but when you two are alone?

oh girl it’s like he’s glued to you

when i say clingy? i mean it

also

king of nap time!!

he’s kidnapping u, bring you to his dorm room, dropping u on the bed, and laying completely on top of you

swear it’s his solution to everything

ur tired? it’s nap time

sad abt something? it’s nap time

a curse beat ur ass? it’s nap time

gojo is being annoying? it’s nap time

nap time cures everything ong

he’s not too crazy w the pet names

in private he’ll call you babe

in public you’re lucky if he adds a -chan to ur name lol

he’s so pretty boy

also can we appreciate his gorgeous luscious eyelashes?

no? okay

YUTA OKKOTSU

i would give my first born to make him feel happy, safe, and loved

KING OF MY HEART

he’s so baby

he’s the type of bf that no matter how long y’all have been dating he still gets flustered over you

y’all been together for an hour? he’s blushing when you give him a kiss on the cheek

y’all been together for a week? he’s blushing when you give him a kiss on the cheek

y’all been together for a year? he’s BLUSHING WHEN YOU GIVE HIM A KISS ON THE CHEEK

HE. IS. BLUSHING.

which is so incredibly endearing and innocent

but don’t get me wrong

mess with this man too much?

oh he’ll snap

he has the patience of a saint. but when it runs out?

oh ur in for it miss gurl

period.

teasing him a lil too much tryna make him flustered

when he finally snaps he is switching that dynamic up real quick

now he’s the one smirking and feeling all smug while you’re the one with the bright red face

ahem…

anyways

yuta’s love for you is very intense

now don’t start thinking HE is intense cause no

i mean yuta loves you so much that he might just crawl up inside ur body and live there

that type of intense

you occupy his mind 99.9% of the time

he’s on a mission and has time to stroll through the mall

“oh y/n would like that” aND HE’S BUYING IT

he’s chit chatting with inumaki and panda

best believe he finds a way to bring you up in conversation

“oh! that reminds me y/n said something the other day about…”

he is the softest ever when it comes to pet names

sweetheart, my love, princess, etc.

i’m so soft for him he deserve the world

[rumisgf]

— ATTRACTIVE THINGS HE SAYS/DOES

includes: katsuki bakugou, denki kaminari, shoto todoroki

warnings: college!au, black reader obv, suggestive, she/her pronouns used once

KATSUKI BAKUGOU

you can try to get pouty or sassy with him if you want to, but it is not a game you will win. one thing he likes is checking yo ass (cs he knows you secretly get a kick out of it).

“fix that attitude ‘fore i fix it for you.”

and he does not let you smart mouth him at all. he’s the sassy one, not you babes.

“what’chu say?”

you start trynna cuss at him or give him more attitude? he’ll deadass look to the left, to the right, behind him, then look back at you and be like “oh, you talkin’ to me?”

“ay, watch yo mouth.”

possessive in not a toxic way but still obvious

he cares a lot about your grades and he’ll memorize your classes so if you decide to skip a day or two, he’s texting you making sure you at least did your work

and like y’all are still in highschool, he’ll deadass take your phone if you need to catch up and keep it in his pocket

“uh uh, yer not gettin’ this back until you finish. we clear, baby?”

unconsciously flexes his jaw when he stretches

digs his tongue into his cheek whenever he’s focused and furrows his eyebrows

bakugou manspreading. that’s all.

if he sees someone trying to flirt with you he will deadass laugh in their face

moves you out of the way by grabbing your waist

if he wants you to sit with him he simply pats the spot next to him (or sometimes his lap) and is like “c‘ mere”

if you couldn’t tell, yeah he likes to give orders (☺️)

speaking of orders, knows your food order from every place you like by heart

and is the one who sends your food back if they get your order wrong

“yo, excuse me! yeah send this shit back she didn’t want pickles on her shit.”

he actually talks to older adults very respectfully

as he got older, he matured and his manners towards his professors is definitely one of the things that swept you off your feet

DENKI KAMINARI

he knows damn well when you missed him and loves to be especially affectionate just to have you all shy under his touch and with his words

“hi pretty babyy”

“aww, am i making you nervous?”

“you miss me my princess?”

“you’re real cute, y’know that?”

when you achieve something like learning how to play a game he’s showing you or doing good on an exam he always says things like “see, there you go” “good job, baby ‘m so prouda you”

he’s very attentive to you, he lets you be clingy whenever you want

taps his pencil gently with his fingers or plays with his rings whenever he’s trying to focus hard on something

then when he’s confused he runs his fingers through his hair with furrowed eyebrows and his lips pouted up

always responds with “yes, baby?” whenever you say his name to get his attention

and to make sure he’s not neglecting you all the time when he sits down to play video games he has you either cuddled up in his lap, sitting between his legs on the floor, or laying your head on his lap depending on how he’s sitting

no matter who he’s with always greet you with “hi baby” or “hey babe”, he has absolutely no shame showing affection to you

definitely participate in all those tiktok slideshows where people show off they girlfriends

pulls you into his lap by the waist

<< his morning voice 33

getting to go to the gym with him or at least see him after he goes to the gym is a true blessing bc his messy hair immediately makes him 10x hotter

always hugs you tightly and wraps both arms around your body

and loves hugging you from behind

hypes up every post you make and spams your comments

SHOUTO TODOROKI

when he gets mad it makes you feel all hot, especially because it’s rarely directed at you

his voice. that’s all.

he’s so polite and treats you like the highest human being on earth (as he should)

“are you alright, my love?”

“i’m so sorry my angel, let me make it up to you please.”

“here, i’ll carry that for you love.”

“goodnight my princess, i’ll be dreaming about you.”

he hugs you with his whole body, making sure he can feel every inch of your skin pressed up on his.

and he makes you do it to, pulling you in by your waist flush against his stomach.

makes sure to hold your hand every time he’s walking you somewhere because your safety is a priority to him

always ask before he does things, he hates feeling like he’s making you uncomfortable. “can i kiss you?” “is this okay? “you sure you want to, lovely?”

contrary, to popular belief he’s way too good at eye contact

and then gets confused when you become all flustered even though he’s staring into your eyes as you speak

“what’s wrong? is there something on my face?”

but eventually you admit how nervous it makes you, and he takes note

so now, he especially looks you in your eyes during conversation

“hmm? go ahead sweetheart i’m listenin’.”

whenever he’s studying for an upcoming exam, he leans back more in his seat and when he goes to stretch, his shirt lifts up and reveals his lower stomach

he comes well dressed no matter how bad of a day he’s having or what time he woke up

whenever he walks in a room, trust he got that shit on (because he’s way too rich to be dressed like a fool)

his dorm is always clean: bed’s always made, has a specific shelf for school supplies, etc

him cursing. that's all.

whenever you fall asleep on his chest he holds you tight under his free arm with his hand over your head, just because he wants so bad to protect you

in general tends to be protective

keeps a hand on your waist at events, walks next to the road on the sidewalk and will make sure you dont, puts his hand in front of you if the car stops too hard, all that

© rumisgf

[icyg4l]

PAC: Who Wants to Match Your Freak? (18+)

Inspired by the infamous ‘Nasty’ by Tinashe, this pick a pile is on the X-rated side (my first time doing this btw). We’re getting into the nitty gritty! But before we do, just know that it is important to use protection, no matter what your gender identity is! Now… let’s find out who wants to get nasty nasty nasty 🫦🫦🫦

Without further ado, please select your Tinashe still!

Pile 1-4: (Top Left-to-Bottom Right)

Pile One: This person is definitely into roleplay. They would like to teach you some things and learn some things from you inside of the bedroom. I feel like this is someone you wouldn’t see as a “freak”. This gives me the energy of Jhene Aiko. To you, they are very innocent but you have not seen that side of them yet. They wanna show you that they can hold their own. They want to meet you halfway. What I am getting here is the energy of a secret rendezvous. This may start off as something that is lowkey but ultimately, you could end up in a couple with this person due to their skills! You’ll want them all to yourself, Pile One. Now for the good stuff, lol. This person will definitely be into nibbling and sweet whisperings. If you are a woman that is into women, this person will definitely be on top. They like to be the star of the show. They could get a little greedy. I feel like the person who wants to match your freak does not want to rush the act with you. They want to take it slow; they may be into edging. They will be into stripteases and lapdances. They don’t really like to take risks in the bedroom, unless you’d be the one doing it. 

Cards Used: The High Priestess, 7 of Swords, The Star, 2 of Discs, 2 of Cups.

Pile Two: Ooo, this feels like a reminiscent energy. I feel like this is the energy of someone from the past. It could be an ex. It could be an old friend. It could be a former sexual partner. This partner is in love with you, lmao. I feel like this person could have drunk texted you recently or they have a history of doing so. They might do it again, lol. They want to spin the block really badly. They’d like to get you all alone after having a long conversation about the things that went down between you two. This person could have a really thick accent that you’re attracted to. This person is very suave, I can tell. For some of you, this person may be thinking of making you their third. This person could also be into watching you play with yourself. They are into your… fluids lol. This feels like a makeup session. This person misses you very badly and they would like to show you with their actions (and their tongue). It’s really up to you whether or not they will come back. 

Cards Used: 3 of Swords, Princess of Cups, The Magician, 3 of Cups, Ace of Cups.

Pile Three: I heard the word “impressive”. I think that this person is known for their bedroom skills. This could be a former sexual partner, but it doesn’t have to be. I will say that this person’s physical appearance is very attractive to all genders. They are universally attractive. This person is someone that feels like you have unfinished business with them. Maybe you’ve shared a kiss with them, but it didn’t go anywhere past that. Maybe you two have done nothing but text and chat on the phone. You may have even fallen off with this person. However, this person wants to know where the hell you’ve been. In the bedroom, they are into BDSM. They could also like to do things while under the influence, but it’s not necessary. They like to put their weight on their lovers. They are definitely dominant in the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to step in the bedroom with them. They can also last for a long time, so you will be depleted of all your energy once y’all are finished. They don’t bite, unless you want them to.

Cards Used: 6 of Cups, The Moon, 10 of Swords, 4 of Pentacles, Wheel of Fortune.

Pile Four: I feel like this is for my people who currently attend college. I feel like this is a classmate you’ve been eyeing. They have a nice style. They could be inspired by the mid 2000s Southern fashion trends. I think that this person has a breeding kink, tbh. They think you’re someone that they can take home to their mother. They are very into courting. They try to put on an image of appearing “good” or “neutral” to the public. Their reputation is very important to them. I feel like this person is well off. You are very tempting to this person. Honestly, this person might have a worship/praise kink as well. They may be slow to initiate the act. For some of you, this is a pillow princess. The vibe is similar to Pile One but the difference with this pile is that it’s all an act. This person could appear to be “boujee” or “aloof” but don’t knock it until you try it. There isn’t anything wrong with keeping it undercover. 

Cards Used: 10 of Cups, 6 of Discs, 4 of Swords, 9 of Discs, 10 of Discs, Knight of Discs. 

[sierrale8ne]

40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS — MASTERLIST &. PLAYLIST

preface series infographic.

chapter one maraye is wildly talented and paige finds herself in nothing short of a trance.

chapter two just maraye being a courtside baddie, which means paige goes off. she wants that cookie real bad!

chapter three the dinner party is memorable, but maraye finds herself mentally fighting over something else: julian.

chapter four maraye faces some mental challenges about her sexuality, while handling the recent struggles her and julian’s relationship.

chapter five after a week of radio silence, paige and maraye share a much needed night together, only confirming that they are both in really deep.

chapter six in this game of cat and mouse, paige and maraye cross the line, and there is no going back.

chapter seven paige and maraye are left dealing with the consequences of their actions, and the overwhelming evidence against them.

chapter eight “just friends” they said, “it won’t happen again” they said.

chapter nine they’re on the verge of getting caught up, maybe a break is needed.

chapter ten paige knows what she wants, and it looks like maraye does too. it’s only a matter of time.

PLAYLIST !

40 days and 40 nights mariah the scientist ft. vory i’ll, give you your distance if you already made a commitment to be someone else’s; i must respect it.

fuck daisies payton knowing we’ve been here too long, made a mess, won’t see it through.

sos (sex on sight) victoria monet ft. usher i am way too sexy, to be alone. wanna show you what type, of time that im on.

unpredictable destin conrad ft. kiana ledé miss the feeling of a new memory. miss the feeling of waking up to something unpredictable.

different pages mariah the scientist you, aren’t the n**** that i thought you were. just a boy, will address you as such. and a boy could never be enough.

you don’t know me summer walker don’t get me wrong, i know it’s a lot. long flights, long nights, fast cars, it never stops.

8 [remix] kehlani ft. flo wouldn’t be me if i ain’t get a little nasty. lick me, rub me, kiss me, touch me, don’t put it past me.

love me not ravyn lenae it’s hard to leave you when i get you everywhere. all this time i’m thinking we can never be a pair.

ruined me muni long i won’t pretend i was perfect, like i don’t deserve some of this hurt i’ve been hurting.

the worst jhené aiko and though i don’t need you, i don’t need you, i don’t need you, i don’t need you: i still want you.

simple coco jones ft. babyface why is it so complicated? maybe cause that’s how God made it. he’s got his ways, but you’ve got yours too.

ur best friend kiana ledé ft. kehlani might’ve got too excited i’ll admit, almost called your name when he was in it.

taglist!!

kalena speakss 🪽! i just imbedded the playlist into this post bc i’m lazy lol. i hope this gives y’all a better look into the maraye’s sound as well as the overall feeling for this story!

[shroomyifiy]

I'm back at it again boys, and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet

Hi, I’m back already to yap some more about Ace!Culprit because we need some more balance /jkjk

Disclaimer: I am NOT trying to attack any of the Eden!Culprit truthers out there, y’all might be right and she is cooked. And to the Ace fans, I’m sorry, I like him a lot, but someone gotta die here. My fav is already dead, I have no horse in this race (haha, get it?)

Let’s all be respectful here, okay? :)

Okay, let’s get into me rambling about more Thoughts™

Part 1: tape

Did I mention that I hate the tape so much? Like, it’s a very good idea! Having something go missing on screen so fast that pins down the killer? Yes!

But then we get to the two suspects and it’s just like, why? Why would either of them take it? What’s the point?

That, to me at least, is why it’s hard to believe either of them did it for most of the fans. 

One of the things brought up to me is about why (if Ace did take the tape) is it not covered in blood.

Great question! I have a few thoughts on this I wasn’t able to fully address in my reply originally.

Now, whether Ace holds onto the tape and pockets it when he leaves the room or if he immediately shoves it in his pocket doesn’t matter (right now anyways), his hands are already bloody before he touches his neck. Some blood should have gotten on it. But! I might be able to counter this!

#1: Washed/Wiped; The killer wiped the blood off the tape using a wet piece of fabric. Grip tape is able to be wet (although typically would lose adhesion over time after getting wet multiple times). Which I admit, it is a weird point to make. But I want to cover all possible routes.

#2: Blood; Okay, weird tangent time. But um, most of the blood would have been on the outermost layer of the tape. And maybe some on the sides, but whatever was underneath that bloody pieces wouldn’t be fully stained, and the outside edges could be hidden, since it doesn’t appear anyone removed the pieces of tape. And the tape is a darker color, which would likely hide dried blood further. It’s not like, say, toilet paper- where if you bleed over it a lot, it’ll stain further down the roll. It’s a much thicker material, and it’s been compared to sandpaper. I really don’t think it would stain the whole roll of tape, not by much. Trust me on this one.

Also! We have not seen the roll of tape! And we haven’t gotten a fully clear look at the tape used in the crime! It is possible for there to be missed blood because no one was looking for it. Remember, not all evidence comes from just the investigation. We’ve been shown this before. And it wouldn’t surprise me if someone noticed and didn’t mention it atp.

Now! Onto something else

Part 2: Shroomy had a silly thought about Eden being the culprit

So, I have drdt brainrot, which causes me to think about it a lot. And during one of those thoughts, as I was thinking about this case again and different ideas and theories, I came to a rather odd point.

One of the main points for Eden having taken the tape is her tool belt pockets, where she could have easily stored it and not have it been seen by Teruko. And a common counterargument against Eden being the killer is her helping put the note back together.

So that got me thinking.

Why would Eden rip the note up and throw it away, knowing it frames her as the killer? And, why not hide it inside one of those pouches on her tool belt?

Like no, seriously, why? Like, she could have just put it in there, and no one would have suspected anything. In fact, it would make her less suspicious! And sure, Min got caught hiding evidence on herself, but I doubt they would think that. Min got caught with the pen because they knew she had one and that was crucial evidence for the fake out of order sign. There’s no reason anyone would think Eden would have a note on her.

If Eden really does want to get away with it, and if she really did pocket the tape in one of those pouches, I really need an explanation as to why she didn’t hide it there until she could get rid of it somewhere else or something.

She saw what happened to Teruko during the last trial. She would know everyone would immediately start jumping on her as the killer. Why frame herself? For what? To play 4D chess on everyone? Teruko flat out said that subtle manipulation would be lost on everyone.

Also, this might be a stretch, but doesn’t ripping a note up into hundreds of pieces fit more into Ace’s nature than Eden? Food for thought.

And that’s not getting into something I feel like needs to be addressed- hold up, let’s switch sections

Part 3: “A good person”

Hi guys. I know we all know about the secret message on the chapter title card reading “a good person”.

I know we all know about how being a good person is one of the major themes of this chapter, and probably the fangan as a whole.

I know we’ve gone through so many heel turns this chapter.

BUT!

Eden doesn’t have to be the killer to not be as pure as everyone thinks. She doesn’t have to make a heel turn like everyone else. In fact, that would be what? The like what, 4th one this chapter/trial???

I think we get it by now, not everyone is what they seem. Just because she’s one of the only ones to not be either breaking down, having a heel turn, or being Whit (always sus), doesn’t mean she also needs to. In fact, I feel like if she was the killer, it’d just be repeating things that ALREADY HAPPENED IN THIS VERY TRIAL!!!!!

Like, she would either be exactly like Min or pulling a David. Which would diminish her character. Like, “oh no, this really nice and positive character is actually evil!!! And murdered someone who trusted her and wanted to be better!!! Oh what a shock!!!!”

It feels repetitive.

Now, I’m fine with the idea of Eden becoming a murderer down the line. I mean, she (probably) took out Xander’s eye before the killing game. We already know Eden isn’t perfect, because no one is. That was the lesson of the chapter. But Eden being Arei’s killer just doesn’t feel right.

And not to go on a rant about parallels and thematics like the theater kid I am, AGAIN, but come on guys, you don’t spend the whole chapter of Teruko distrusting everyone and having the most trusting person trying to get her to open up several times and directly call out the Min-Eden parallels in game to just,,, do it all over again.

You don’t have David say “I want you to distrust everyone” for her to be proven that she shouldn’t trust anyone. I swear I’m not delusional here guys, I swear.

And like, really, how much longer CAN they drag out the Nico-Ace thing? Because this episode has clearly set up Nicorose and Nicohu divorce arcs, and gave us some sort of resolution for Ace-Nico. Nico regrets it, but can’t apologize because they don’t like Ace at all.

And yes Acevi had their divorce, but I doubt that could go much of anywhere. They had a falling out at the last trial, mind you, and it affected this chapter a lot. It would be interesting to see, and as much as I would love Ace to be like the little cockroach that survives somehow, I don’t see it happening. Something something, repeating plotlines.

And like guys my Teruko-Ace and Ace-Arei parallels!!! I love them all so much I want to shake them around in a jar!!!! /pos

God I love these characters. I will spare you the longer rant about that, for now (if you would like to hear more about that, lmk). We will move on for now.

Part 4: Chapter 2 Syndrome and THH

Okay, I’ve seen some people compare this chapter to the second case of thh, which I think is a much more fair and valid argument, because the series does take place in the same universe as the events of it, and chapter 1 had its own similarities to case 1.

But, let’s determine what exact the themes are with these two cases.

Obviously, drdt chapter 2 is about what it means to be a good person. I think we agreed on that.

Thh chapter 2 has themes about strength (mental vs physical; strong vs weak) and toxic masculinity. We will be discounting the second one as it’s not as relevant as the theme of strength.

Chihiro had more mental strength than Mondo, and wanted to change. Mondo had more physical strength, and was held back by his lack of mental strength, causing him to lash out in the heat of the moment and commit a murder.

There are some comparisons you could make (confirmed murderer, antag being fucked up, secrets motive, victim being suspended), and I am not denying that. Actually, I have my own thoughts about how thh plays into drdt in its own way.

But I want to point out and talk about the victim and the two suspects fit into this.

Obviously, this is a lot of reaching.

Eden and Arei: Mondo betrayed Chihiro’s trust and killed them, which would fit with Arei and Eden. Which, yes, is fair, but everyone who kills is betraying someone's trust. And while there would be a fair comparison between the two, Eden isn’t the only one.

Ace and Arei: Mental and physical strength! Arei had the mental strength to try and change, and it was working towards her goal of being a less shitty person. While Ace was going through hell and back mentally and nearly died and who no one liked. Two athletes, something defined by strength.

It could go either way, or just flat out ignore it altogether. Either way, I wanted to point it out.

Can you tell I love themes and narrative yet? They’re so silly !>-<!

Part 5: Wrap up time

God I am going to lose it in the wait until Friday. Biting the bars on my enclosure frfr.

Okay, I am actually going to (hopefully) not end up writing another thesis on Ace!Culprit after this one, okay? Hopefully? I need to like, actually talk about something else for a hot minute lmao.

Also I forgot to mention this last time, but currently Eden doesn’t have a way to obtain the fish as far as I’m aware, while Ace does, so y'know. More points to him.

Okay, that’s the last of it I swear! (unless 4k character parallel analysis on like half the cast if anyone wants to see that)

Might talk about Charles and Whit (and how oh they aren’t making it out of chapter 3 together I swear) or Mai Akasaki (and all of the nonsense surrounding her ass) next, idk, we see how I feel and how motivated I am lolz

Anyways, see you next time! Remember to stay kind to everyone else, even if you disagree with them, and remember guys, that’s just a theory, A DESPAIR TIME THEORY!

Thanks for reading! ^_^

[gingerjunhan]

xdinary heroes and the texts you wake up to

☆彡 Could this have been an smau? Yes. Do smau’s frustrate me to no end? Also yes. Oops. There needs to be an easier way to make those I swear

word count: 745 | pronouns used: none | genre: fluff, established relationship | cws: mentions of food (Heyongjun), lmk if I missed something

goo gunil

hello my love ❤️

I hope you had a good day today

I can’t wait to talk to you tomorrow :)

he won’t text too much because he knows you deserve your rest 🫶🏻

no matter how late it is you KNOW Gunil is checking in on you to make sure you had a good day

he doesn’t care if you’re asleep and you won’t see the message until the next day, he just wants to check in

he also has it worked down to a science that if you’re still awake when he messages you, you probably had a bad day

no matter how late it is he is always willing to help you through a bad day, or just talk to you about your normal day

even if nothing exciting happened, he wants to hear all about it

good night sunshine:) dream of me

I’m sorry I needed to picture that I’m blushing rn

kim jungsu

hi honey :) we just got done at the studio. today was so looooong!!

one simple text

a mini debrief, if I may

if he feels clingy I think he would send you multiple shorter messages

hi baby :)

I miss you

how was your day today?

I can’t wait to hear all about it

I love you

definitely makes your phone vibrate too much and then he feels bad for waking you

I also feel like if Jungsu is feeling clingy he will call you the second he sees you typing a reply

he just loves you so much and he wants to hear your voice :(

kwak jiseok

HI BABEEYYY ❤️❤️❤️

missed you today!

we just got home from work and I’m SO TIREDDD

call me in the morning!!

love you!! ❤️

so excited that he finally gets the chance to message you

if you text him back get ready for a play-by-play of his entire day

but don’t worry he will be just as attentive to your day as you are to his

if you feel too tired to text about your day he’ll offer to call you and stay on the phone until you fall asleep

he will tell you he loves you so. many. times. over the course of this conversation

work = time away from you = sad Jiseok

oh seungmin

hello baby

how was your day?

sorry if you’re asleep rn haha

simple, to the point

he totally sends you ootds every day, so you might also wake up to an ootd

he won’t get mad if you don’t respond because nine times out of ten if you respond he misses it because he’s asleep 💀

if he does catch a response he’s so excited!

did you have a good day? tell me all about it!

I can’t wait to see you baby

I missed you so much

I feel like Seungmin might not text much because he definitely prefers calling

he can’t rizz you up with texts as well as he can with his voice 😼

han hyeongjun

hi hi hiii

did you have a good day?

look what we had for lunch today

(attachment: 1 image)

if you don’t think you’d get a food haul from Hyeongjun every day you’re wrong

his sleep schedule is honestly so horrible that he would probably sleep through half of your texts the next morning/afternoon so he doesn’t mind when you do it to him

much like Jungsu, I can see him getting clingy over text?

his bubble messages from the other day inspired this whole fic, I just need y’all to know that

you can tell he really missed you if he pulls out the nicknames

I missed you today <3

I’m going to go practice some more

sleep well baby

lee jooyeon

hi :)

are you awake?

I missed you today

can you call?

Jooyeon also prefers calling in my opinion

he just wants to hear your voice :(

if you’re too tired to call but you respond to his text, he will literally stay on the phone with you until he’s too tired to keep typing

guess what happened at work today!

what did you do today?

did you do anything fun today?

are you busy tomorrow? I want to see you :(

a million questions

if it was up to Jooyeon you would come to work with him every single day so you didn’t have to leave his side

I am a firm believer that this man wants to spend every second of every day with you and he would never get bored of you ever

[songoftrillium]

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions before me. 

I am delighted to announce that Dead Mountain's release, initially slated for Halloween 2023, has been delayed!!! 

Wait, what?

This post is enormous, but please take the time to read it. Likes don’t increase visibility to others! Please reblog this to spread the word! 

When I started this project, my stance on Werewolf: the Apocalypse underwent a series of evolutions between then and now. In short, Dead Mountain, a chronicle meant to simultaneously provide a game module and queer inclusivity at gaming tables, has grown beyond its original design and size and into something much bigger and bolder than what I initially set out to do. It has become a more significant task than one person can accomplish alone. Of course, I could delay Dead Mountain's release a few months to get it completed, and I will still be releasing it standalone eventually.  I could also put it out, but what would come out would fall short of presenting Werewolf in a way I feel does the game justice.

In many ways, nothing changes; it just happens later. In its current form, however, Werewolf: the Apocalypse doesn’t provide a game that fully supports the scale and inclusivity this chronicle demands. The project rapidly ballooned the chronicle into something more resembling a corebook; while fun to imagine, it is more than I initially set out to accomplish. The volume of literature needing redrafts and the need for this to be a single chronicle alone are at odds with each other, and more than one person can write independently.

I plan to reapproach this in a way that has the team excited, and I think this will excite you, too. See the rest below the cut.

As work on Dead Mountain progressed and drew closer to completion, the things I needed to include to make it happen in a way that did its subject matter justice grew beyond its original scope. The more aspects of inclusivity, culture, and story that turned up missing from the newest edition out of the occasional paragraph, the more I came to realize that if I wanted Werewolf: the Apocalypse to represent what good I see in it, I needed to also make the game itself presented in a fundamentally different way than it has before. 

I have a challenge to World of Darkness writers: 

New players should only have to read for no longer than an hour to start coming up with character concepts. 

Every Werewolf corebook put to print is falling short of that goal. It would be unjust to force players to wade through the old literature to explore all the game has to offer, and I think y’all deserve better. The tribes they read about should focus less on everything wrong with them out of the starting gates and provide players and storytellers with something worth fighting for and motivates them to action.

Over the past few weeks, we have realized that the things we need to include to do justice to the subject matter of Dead Mountain have grown beyond the project's original scope. We want to ensure the game is inclusive, culturally representative, and accessible to new players. Given the available core literature released with the latest edition lacking coherent structuring, our writing has had to balloon beyond a typical RPG supplement size to provide a functional game representative of, and relevant to, queer culture. Therefore, we have decided to delay the game's release by one year to Halloween 2024. This extra time will allow us to create a game that meets our high standards and provides an enriching experience for all players, and make Werewolf: the Apocalypse a more accessible game, particularly regarding accessibility to new players and storytellers. 

My goal is simple: Nobody new to the World of Darkness and Werewolf with an 8th-grade reading comprehension level should do more than an hour’s reading (10,000 words) to comprehend Werewolf: the Apocalypse well enough to start thinking up character concepts. New players shouldn’t have to wade into problematic legacy literature to get the specifics of Garou society or to seek cultural representation. Storytellers should have guidelines on creating chronicles with their players and interlinking them with stories. 

A series of players guides and storyteller handbooks intended to streamline the flow of information to the reader, sorted by Garou ranks, both in terms of gaming power levels and depth of information relevant to Garou of that rank. New players want to know how to make new characters. Storytellers wish to know the kinds of NPCs appropriate to characters of that power and how to run games. This is not a corebook but a series of reference guides intended to keep the depth of the world we all love in the legacy game in an easily navigated format while only revealing the most pertinent information for a given Garou’s rank and a ready-to-go adventure to pair with that game ranking. With each successive release, more information about the world of the Garou, Garou society, their enemies, and the complexity of available storytelling tools will also evolve to grow the game in tandem with players and storytellers.

Book 1: Cliath — Contains enough information for new players and storytellers to get started, focusing on character generation, Rites of Passage, and culture.

Book 2: Fostern — Expanded Garou powers for the ‘citizenry and society (and not-so-nice things that happen in the background that they keep hidden from the cubs and cliath) of the Garou. 

Books 3: Adren — Explodes into an anthology of Tribebooks with expanded powers and tribal customs and detailed septs, camps, and factions vital for any Adren fighting for Gaia.

Book 4: Athro — exploration of spirit and history. The secrets that bind society and a more lucid view of what elders in the Garou Nation face, with expanded Garou stats covering both rank 4 and 5.

Book 5: Elder — The Storytellers guide, focusing on world-building and running one's own chronicles in the World of Darkness.This puts all prior ST info in one place with a master index and any extra systems errata needed.

Our small team consists of seasoned storytellers, writers, and werewolf academics working on making Werewolf more accessible to new players. We’ve been researching, playing, or running inclusive Werewolf tables for over 60 years combined, and are self-taught experts in everything Werewolf. Everyone on this project deeply loves the game and sees its inherent value and well-meaning beneath its 90s liberal veneer. Many of us have spent decades perfecting our craft and knowledge of this game, and we want the rest of you to see the Werewolf that we see in the pages.

We are using By Night Studios' edition of Mind’s Eye Theater: Werewolf as a baseline reference for this project. Much work has already been done to bring inclusivity to the game and encourage character investment in the world, and translating that to the tabletop will be a more inclusive baseline to utilize than any other corebook. We will continue the metaplot of Werewolf: the Apocalypse, with a handful of changes to tribes and factions of Garou. Due to the MET systems translations needing to be done, we still have our work cut out for us and plenty of writing to do. This game will be shifting the formatting to prioritize ease of identifying information pertinent to players versus storytellers while prioritizing keeping culture, mechanics, or cross-edition compatibility as best we can with updated sensibilities.

Stay tuned for another post this afternoon to learn more about our first upcoming book in the series!

[sasukesgucciflops]

Here I am back on my John Marston BS.

I pointed this out before ab how ppl loved calling John “watered down” but I’m also seeing people forget that he was also put on a very high fucking pedestal and had no idea how to handle it. In other words; he was the gifted kid who got burnt out after everyone expected everything from him. John never expected to be seen as such. He actually preferred to not be held to such a degree. I’m sick and tired of people feeding into the “John’s a golden boy” “John’s a piece of shit” narrative. Clearly these people have only seen RDR2 and have no clue about everything in RDR1 and yes I’m giving an attitude so y’all better catch it.

Here’s my John Marston character analysis and this is only about one aspect of him. (Wait until you see every other aspect bc I’ve literally dissected this man like a frog oops)

He never fucking asked for it. In fact, he didn’t expect jack shit from anybody. If anything, people used him. People used him up. You see it plainly in rdr1, he’s being used to hunt down his old partners. To find his old partners he’s gotta ask the sheriff, what does the sheriff do? He uses him to handle some lowlife gangs around the county. The sheriff ACCIDENTALLY—not even voluntarily—reveals someone that ends up somewhat helping him out. West Dickens—and what does he do? Uses him. Seth? Uses him. Travels over to another country, what do they do? USE HIM!

Okay, so rdr2—if you couldn’t get the picture already—John was one of Dutch’s MAIN PAWNS. That man raised John to USE HIM. John was young and had lots of energy and he was gullible enough to let Dutch do whatever with his naivety. The most fucked up thing about all of it, not only about how (almost) everyone saw him as a pawn, not as a genuine friend, saw him only for his uses;

John didn’t care. He knew he was being used but he didn’t care. Yes it bothers him and again he’s fully aware he’s being ran around in circles by all these people; it doesn’t matter. He sees himself as someone who is replaceable. He’s expendable. It’s whatever. He was always made to think this and perhaps he knew that it was his fate to be all used up and thrown out like it was nothing. And that’s what ended up happening.

No, he wasn’t a perfect father. He SHOULDVE done much much better about that. Just for that I let anti’s breathe a little because in Jack’s younger years, hell no John wasn’t a good father! John was in denial, busy trying to live up to his dreams of being someone he isn’t. On that note, John slowly realized that Abigail and Jack were probably the only ones that didn’t see him as a pawn; they just wanted him to be present and that causes him to do a 180. To him, it was worth dying for them. Maybe he felt as if he owed them a debt that could never be repayed—it’s almost like he expresses this to Jack a dozen different times. “I’m sorry, Son. I’m not going anywhere.” And “I know I wasn’t around a lot for you but I’m trying to make up for that”. He becomes viscerally aware of the damage of his absence (as he should) and it becomes something he fears he’ll never get to make up for.

Abigail never wanted to use him. She just wanted HIM. Jack—OF COURSE never wanted to use him, he wanted a FATHER. Honorable mention, but Arthur never saw him as a pawn either. In fact, he was well aware of how John was being treated, even mentioning it to him canonically, along the lines of, and I’m loosely quoting this, “At first you’ll be a prize pony until you become a work horse”. These people become so important to John—among others such as Bonnie, Charles, Sadie, even Uncle—because they never tried to use. him. John was more than expendable to them, he was worth something to them and for that he loved them and felt as if he would owe them for eternity.

I truly can’t believe some of y’all completely miss that whole point because it’s written EVERYWHERE it’s literally how John’s story goes and we experience it with him. His story is so fucking tragic and yes, while Arthur was the prime example of “having a doomed narrative from the start���, people don’t talk about how John is literally in the same boat. That man was always doomed, by his friends, the people he would try to call family—he was raised all the way up just to be put down…. THAT’S the story of John fucking Marston.

[qprstobin]

Different first meeting post-s1 Stobin AU (that sort of turned into Fruity Four) I was tossing around for myself to write but am going to put it out into the world because I’m not sure I’ll ever get to it.

It’s the Spring of 1984, and Nancy is looking for a way to help Steve pad his college application after seeing him struggle with his essay writing for the past few months. Somehow, this leads to her convincing him to join the Spring play, Romeo and Juliet. Not only will it look good on his application to add another extra curricular, but the English teacher always gives extra credit for drama participation, especially the annual Shakespeare play.

Steve, of course, ends up getting the lead role, much to his chagrin, and he turns out to be a pretty good actor. This should all be smooth sailing, a way for him to get an easy add on to his apps, if it wasn’t for who was playing Juliet.

Band Geek Buckley.

She isn’t the worst choice - they have pretty good stage chemistry, and she’s funny in a mean way (in a way he’s kind of missed now that he no longer is talking to Carol and Tommy) but she hates his guts. He honestly didn’t even really know who she was before this, but he could feel her glaring at the back of his head in first period every day.

Honestly, they would be fast friends if both of them weren’t trying their hardest to make sure the other knows no showmances will be happening between them. (Robin for obvious reasons, and Steve because he is very much in love with Nancy at this point and would not ever cheat on her.)

Steve at one point tells her that she isn’t his type (which actually, is kind of a lie but it doesn’t matter because it would never happen), and Robin is just, so fucking offended. She would never want to date him (he’s a man AND an asshole), but where does he get off saying shit like that?? Robin in turn, nearly outs herself at one point by claiming she’d rather kiss his girlfriend than him.

(Nancy on the other hand… spends the entire play very confused, because despite the disgust that both of them express during the (rather chaste) kiss scenes, Nancy thinks it’s kind of hot. She has a lot to think about.)

Even before they become actual, spill your secrets on the bathroom floor friends, they get into so much chaos together. Definitely the type to be bickering with each other but then team up to turn on someone else when they are being rude or creepy. Even though there are no Russian Spies to bond them together for life (yet), they probably go through some harrowing night together that leaves them with something of a headache.

Maybe they accidentally eat too many weed brownies together at a cast party, maybe they get locked in the prop closet for several hours, maybe they get stranded at a gas station outside of town when their director sent them on what was both a “you are going to work your shit out TONIGHT for the sake of the play” and “y’all are the only ones available” emergency prop run. Either way it ends in tears and laughter and bathroom (or closet) floor confessions and a rock solid friendship.

Nancy is happy that Steve has a friend that isn’t just her or Jonathan, and is happy to have a new friend herself, especially a female one.

Tammy Thompson is less happy that Steve’s attention is on Robin, which is unfortunate, as this is Robin’s peak Tammy Thompson era, and Tammy gets mean. Nancy definitely tries to fight her at some point for how rude she’s being to all of them (Tammy didn’t like Nancy much either, she just didn’t honestly care much about Tammy saying rude shit to her, but she isn’t gonna let someone be a bitch to her friend like that). Steve was just going to ruin her reputation, but honestly, he didn’t even need to with how hard Nancy went in on her.

(Nancy trying to fight Tammy is also how Robin moves on from her “god what a priss” mindset regarding her. A minor crush may also blossom. Steve is happy to commiserate over being clocked in the head emotionally by Nancy Wheeler, he made t-shirts.)

Their odd friend group gets rounded out to four (five if you include Jonathan, who does eat lunch with them everyday but who thinks that Stobin are a bit too loud for him in anything other than small doses) by another cast member - the drug dealer Eddie Munson.

This is Eddie’s first try at senior year but his prospects aren’t looking great. English isn’t the only class he’s doing poorly in, but it is one of the main ones, and his English teacher has offered him a boon - get a speaking role in the spring play and he’ll get enough extra credit to pass the class, as long as he makes an actual effort to turn in his work for the rest of the year. He thinks fuck it! Might as well, this is the only deal the hag is going to give me, and ends up landing the role for Mercutio.

His start with the group isn’t as tumultuous as the Stobin friendship starts out, though there definitely isn’t any love lost between them. Steve may have dropped Hagan and Perkins earlier in the year, but he’s still a jock, and his prissy, perfect girlfriend isn’t much better. Eddie doesn’t have any personal issues with Robin, but Robin definitely isn’t a fan of his, not with how loud the other man is.

There isn’t any real dramatic moment that adds him to the group, at least not as dramatic as what finally solidifies the Stobin bond, but spend enough time running lines together and he sort of realizes that maybe they aren’t as bad as all that.

(Really Eddie is just there to cause chaos, and try to pass Senior English. Falling into the weirdest friend group known to Hawkins High is just a bonus.)

Honestly, I came up with this idea because I just wanted more Stobin dif first meetings, and thought the idea of Stobin having to play romantic leads opposite each other in a play was hilarious. It ended up becoming Fruity Four just because Stancy is still happening here, and Eddie was perfect for the role of Mercutio. I didn’t even have set ideas on how I want this to end shipping wise. Just wanted to get it out of my misc WIP document <3

[sasha199]

Gale/ Rolan Drama Part 18

Read all of me on A03

Mayhem and Madness

Rating: E

Summary: Sasha and Marlie are out fighting in the darkness...and by fighting I mean arguing.

Pairings: Gale & Fem Human Tav

SFW just some cuddling

Y’all…this game hits different when your Tav is a stand in for yourself.

My sister and I are playing a multiplayer as ourselves, as sisters. I (Sasha) am romancing both Gale and Rolan. Sister (Marlie) is pulling both Astarion and Shadowheart.

I feel disgusting. I pull another chunk of...something out of my hair, wincing. It’s dried and matted. I flick it into the dirt, trying not to look too closely.

“What the fuck were you thinking.” Marlie’s voice is tight with anger, every word snaps.

It’s not a question, and even if it was I wouldn’t bother to answer.

“There were un-dead Harpers in our path, and they had a creepy ass dog with them.” I can’t stop moving. Nervous energy is coursing through me, I feel like my insides are itching. “How was I supposed to know the githyanki would be lying in wait?” I glance at her as I turn to walk the length of the fire pit again, her face is stoic, frigid.

“Right, because it’s not like Voss, the fucking kith’rak himself, TOLD us the githyanki would be coming or anything. You have a FUCKING psionic detector on your person for this exact reason-”

“I sent the message, I asked for help-“

“AFTER you’d already triggered a FUCKING ambush.”

“None of this would matter if your boyfriend could aim. How does he miss-”

“Don’t act like you're EVER within five feet of an enemy-”

“That shouldn’t matter when he’s wearing that stupid ring!”

“It FUCKING matters, Sasha. I DIED because of your carelessness.”

The image of her crumpled body flashes in my mind. I send it to her, through the tadpole. The desperation and rage I felt coat my tongue with a bitter taste. Something twists inside me. I un-clench my fists.

“Please stop pacing. Just stop walking around.” Marlie sounds exhausted. She rubs her face with her gloved hands, smearing the streaks of grime.

I stand in front of the cold fire pit, shifting my weight from foot to foot. I don’t know that it was my fault, exactly. I keep going over the moment in my mind, when I made the call and motioned Minthara to get low to the ground. I should’ve reached out to Marlie as soon as I’d spotted the Harpers. I’d hoped we could still circle around unseen. I remembered the feeling of the detector buzzing in my pocket. The panic that had gripped me as the gith appeared on the bridge.

My bottom lip trembles. Fuck fuck fuck I have a headache from all this crying. “I said I was sorry. The last thing I wanted was for you to-” I take a deep breath unable to say it, and start again. “I know that doesn’t fix anything and it’s not Astarion’s fault…”

“He saved you.” Her voice is soft steel, like the whisk of a dagger being drawn, “Even after I was gone he still came back for you, and you dare to blame him. For my death? How could you be so fucking ungrateful.”

I can feel the spike of rage in my gut, the righteous anger broiling. Ungrateful?

“That man...that vampire…” I hiss between clenched teeth. I hate that I owe him my life, I hate owing him anything. “He always has an agenda. You think my life matters to him? He does nothing...NOTHING… for the benefit of others.”

“Get off your high horse.” She sneers at me, “you’ll get a nosebleed.”

“How can you not see it?” There’s a note of despair in my voice. This can’t be happening again. I know I'm at the precipice of something, I can sense the breech looming before me. I leap anyway.

“He’s a leech! All he knows is power and blood lust. It’s all he talks about! He goes on and on about how terrible his master is, but he’s no better. It disgusts me, the way he uses you, but what’s worse is that you LET him.” 

Marlie’s eyes are storms, the stoic indifference replaced with cold fury, “Astarion is not Cazador. If you would open your eyes and stop JUDGING for one fucking second, you would see-”

“What? What would I see, Marlie?”

“That he is more.” Her tone is icy, her body tense, like an avalanche about to unleash. “More than what what he was made to be. More than anything you could possibly believe. We both are.” Her hand twitches.

“We? What we? I am talking about the fucking spawn!”

“His name is Astarion.” She moves quickly, a dagger in the dark, closing the gap between us in the span of a heartbeat. “I won’t remind you again.”

We stare at each other, cold blue eyes and burning green.

She pulls back from me, and a smile overtakes her delicate features, making them fierce and deadly. “By the grace of our mother’s blood, I will let you walk away. Do it. Now.”

A moment passes, another.

I leave.

***

***

“I am judgmental.”

“Yes.”

I lift my arm from over my eyes, “You’re not supposed to agree with me, Gale.”

He pauses in combing my hair, I told him it was pointless without a wash, that it would just frizz out completely, but he insisted. He bends down and kisses the top of my head, “I know, darling. Alas, the truth is we all judge occasionally. You tend to partake a bit more often than others, especially when it comes to your sister. You’re protective of her, it’s endearing.”

“I just don’t want to lose her.” I wince as the comb snags on a particularly stubborn knot.

“You can’t lose what’s already yours, my love.” He leans on me, I relish the feeling as his strong arms envelope me. “Astarion is not a threat to what you have with Marlie. In fact, I am most grateful for his actions on the field today. Without his quick thinking, I fear you would not be here with me now.”

I sigh. Gale’s right of course, it was wrong of me to lash out at Astarion when the person I’m most upset with is myself. “I still don’t think he’s right for her.”

“And you are absolutely entitled to that opinion. But if you value your relationship with Marlie, as you say you do, I’d keep that particular insight to yourself. Or at least between us. Your judgments are always safe with me.”

I smile and nuzzle into his beard. He kisses my neck and I close my eyes. My rib is still sore but Shadowheart said it would take time for the pain to pass completely. I’ll have to apologize (again). I should say something to Astarion too. I hate that I called him a spawn, that was wrong. He doesn’t deserve that. But I can’t shake the feelings that plague me as I curl up next to Gale.

I did my best to be tolerant (if not outright supportive) of their relationship. I said almost nothing when Marlie awoke from a night’s rest bloodless and disoriented. I worked hard to ignore his snide remarks when I turned down payment for helping people. I hid my revulsion when he implied he was interested in accepting Raphael’s deal, and I knew he and Marlie were guzzling tadpoles without a second thought for their own safety. Marlie had tried her best to hide THAT from me, but I saw her powers growing in combat…her potential.

The truth is the closer Astarion and Marlie get the more I feel pushed out.

I don’t feel threatened in the same way by Shadowheart, despite her twisted perspective on religion and Shar worship. My relationship with her is more or less open, friendly even. Is that the right course of action? Do I have to really become friends with Astarion? I feel myself frown. Easier said than done. Or is it something about our past. Marlie’s and mine, that needs to be mended instead. The long years of silence and worry before the Nautaloid…we’ve never talked about it. Or about what came before…a part of me hoped we would never have to. I'd wanted to let the past vanish into smoke, like Father had.

It seems none of our bad blood would be erased without effort.

As I feel sleep take me, in that middle space, where I can still twitch awake, I find myself walking through a forest. My hands are being held on either side. A golden-haired girl on my right try to rush ahead, and I have to gently pull her back every third step or so. She laughs treating it like a game. There’s another girl on my left, also younger than me, holding my hand much less firmly. Her hair is a lighter brown than mine, but we share the same tight curls. Every step she takes is tentative and hesitant, I almost have to coax her along. We look more alike than the golden haired girl and I, but our connection is...uncertain.

We three suddenly stop, and there are other people around us. A man and a woman, an elf and a human, also holding hands. They smile at each other. A warmth settles over me, a feeling that comes to me only in this place, with these people. A wholeness. I look up and gasp to see beautiful pink flower petals. They cascade down in a bright shower, dancing in the sunlight and I hear laughter. My mother’s laughter and I suddenly recognize the “wholeness” I’m feeling.

Family.

We always feel like family here, even though we are far apart from each other most of the year. I spend my days trawling on pontoon boats with cousins in the swamps to the east. My sisters are with my mother’s clan in the southwest, in the plains and deserts of her people. Father follows the herds to the north riding through rolling hills on horse back with other ranchers, cattle dogs loping at their heels.

But every spring, when the seasons shift we return here, together, to the banks of the Chionthar outside of Baldur’s Gate. We sit and watch the cherry blossoms fall, and sing. I hum the tune to myself, it comforts me, because I know that no matter how far we stray, mother says, if we follow the river it will always lead us back to each other. To this place.

Family.

As I sing my sisters join in, and I begin to cry.

Down down down by the river...

[therealslimshakespeare]

So now that I finally devoured A Whole Man is Hard to Find on AO3 (and am very much looking forward to more) I do have a couple of questions: first, how old is Rosey? I picture Elvis as being in his mid-thirties in this and was picturing Rosey to be in her early twenties but realize that I might be wrong. Second, I'm a little confused by something that might have been addressed but I may have missed. Rosey and Elvis are technically married as of the last chapter, even if it was more of a business transaction rather than a romantic gesture, but it's mentioned that Elvis doesn't want to fully consummate the relationship out of a marriage bed. Was their court ceremony retconned or does Elvis not see their marriage as real yet? I imagine he also doesn't want to consummate the marriage yet because he doesn't want to risk getting Rosey pregnant and is also dealing with a lot of internalized shame surrounding his sexual history.

Gosh that’s one large and heavy meal, I’m so flattered you’ve gotten through it all and I can’t wait to finally update it. I’m still working on eighteen, I’ve not forgotten. 🙈 Oh how I love these sorts of questions.

Ok so her age, I am terrible at choosing a date and sticking to it for this AU, I want to cram too many 1870’s things into one year to make it ever viable so I’ve kept the year -and hence the ages- a bit nebulous for a reason. But. It’s pretty easily surmised -it’s been right about a decade since the war ended. 65-75. Which means I do imagine Rosey to be just into her twenties at this point, and an odd combination of oddly hardened for the young age and terribly sheltered due to being stuck on the plantation and deprived of social interactions.

As for CP, it’s mentioned he got into the war quite young, im thinking sixteen or so, and applying the same math, by wars end, he’d be around twenty. Quite young, as he’d need to be for the life and occupation he embarked on post war. So that would land him at early thirties now. But again, I left it nebulous (even began it as a reader insert) the better for y’all to pick which age you wanted to imagine, so, do what you will with this.

As for the marriage -yes, this is entirely hinging on Elvis’ view of it and has rather religious logic behind it. They married in a strictly civil ceremony for the expressed purpose of shifting assets to her name. Hardly, in his idealized imagination, the sort of thing you marry for. Marriage in his mind is swearing before God to love and take care of someone, not for profit or the swapping of gain, and worse yet, yes, consummation could lead to pregnancy which he’s already got a poor history with, it would also cement the marriage as more than a bargain and he’s not sure she’s fully aware of how awful her position as “Mrs Presley” will/would be when this whole scandal breaks. Which he assumes Parker will make it break and splatter it across the papers, it would then be safer for her, he estimates, to not be so entangled, much less pregnant when her husband’s in danger of being hung for past crimes.

So, there’s that and a significant amount of self loathing due to past history mixed into this more selfless logic, combine that with the fact he never really took this change of events into account for his life and, well, it takes a stubborn and dogged man like that a minute to adjust to make a spot for her by his side and in his life in the ways that matter -which would be, taking her before God.

So, no he doesn’t consider them technically married, as he told her even, but watch him be wishy washy on that score because he keeps falling deeper in love and he’s proud she’s his wifey even if she’s not fully his wifey and he’s possessive and she glows when he calls her that and …he’s a mess, pray for him.

WELL THAT WAS LENGTHY. Thank you for asking, I’m always down for blabbing about my intent. 😉💋

[metamorphosisff]

|Five| New Normal

This morning I woke up and decided that almost every piece of furniture in my apartment needed to go. When I first moved into this place it had not been solely mine. Mariah had a lot of say about how she wanted to present our home even when she no longer lived in it. Now I was ready for all reminders of her to be gone. There was no need to reminisce or ponder over what went wrong. The reality was that what we were in this moment were two people who shared a past and would never share a future. When that sinks in, the process of moving on becomes easier. That’s how I found myself roaming the aisles of a furniture store with both of my best friends in tow.

“How in the hell are we supposed to know what looks good?” Aiden asked, exasperated with the task already. “We both have all black and red everything. Typical nigga shit. I don’t know why you won’t just come back to the rivers and the lakes that you used to.”

“Because it’s childish bruh,” I said, eyeing another L shaped couch that was the color of royal blue which reminded me of a pair of Jordan one’s I owned. “I want my space to say grown man not fresh out of college.”

“I can respect that,” Rah says, eyeing the same couch I am. “He might not be useful, but if you like this couch, you can grab two of those box cushion chairs over there that are the same shade and do gray accent pieces with anything else you want in the living room.”

Aiden and I, whip our heads up at him with raised brows. We had been roaming for the past thirty minutes and outside of passing commentary on Aiden’s commentary, Rah hadn’t said any ideas until now. 

He shrugs his shoulders before saying, “My girl love HGTV. That shit always on at her crib and I’ve picked up a few things.”

“More than a few Martha Stewart,” Aiden cracks, plopping down on the couch. “I fuck with the vision though. I think.”

“It’ll look decent, trust me. I know you not trying to do too much or be too simple, so this falls in the middle. Giving off grown man and fresh start,” Rah said.

“You definitely are all up under Keisha’s ass. Out here sounding just like her,”Aiden said, causing Rah to flip him the bird.

“Ignore is ignorant ass,” I said, slapping the back of Aiden’s neck.

“I do, like eighty five percent of the time,” Rah said.

“Man fuck both of y’all. Let me go find someone in a vest so we can get this makeover underway,” Aiden chuckles, popping back up to find an employee. He always has to be moving, idle tasks are hard for him to deal with so we don’t try and stop him.

Instead Rah takes this time to ask, “So I take you selling all of your furniture this morning as you officially being over Mariah?”

Out of the three of us, Rah fell in the middle, he knew when and how to ask questions. Aiden just said whatever came to his mind first and I often took too long to find my words or care in finding the right ones. With this whole situation Rah has not judged me for the length of time it has taken me to move on nor pressure me to start sleeping with any woman within a twenty mile radius. 

“Yeah with her number blocked I feel free. That was the last tether and now I just don’t want any reminders,” I said.

“That usually does the trick,” Rah says with a nod of his head. “Now you can go out and find who you’re really supposed to do this life shit with because it was never her.”

It wasn’t until after we broke up that I found out how much my friends did not like her or us together for that matter. A part of me was not even surprised. Aiden sometimes let his disdain slip and Rah would avoid the topic of our relationship at all costs. 

“How did you know?” I asked genuinely. I had been so deep in love that I missed or completely ignored the signs that something was off with our dynamic.

“She only liked fractions of you. Your masters degree, your professor title but the heart of who you are? She hated. She didn’t like you for real but held on because you look good on paper,” Rah said, putting words to what I had been feeling.

I nodded my head. “You’re right. I guess I always thought I could make her like those parts of me with time.”

There was no such thing as the perfect relationship and perfection wasn’t something I sought either. I merely thought that Mariah and I would have to work a little harder but over the years it became clear that we weren’t working together.

“You an optimistic nigga by nature X, ain’t nothing wrong with that but sometimes you have to take things at face value. There isn’t always a deeper meaning behind someone’s actions. It’s usually shallow as a motherfucker,” Rah said.

“That’s hard for me to do but I’m working on my discernment now. We live and learn,” I said.

“And even when we don’t, we have people to keep us accountable. Don’t sweat it. Now let’s go rescue that poor sales lady from Aiden’s dumbass,” Rah said, nodding in the direction Aiden was, trailing behind a beautiful woman wearing a vest with the store’s logo on it. From the look on her face, she was two seconds away from calling security.

“This nigga,” I muttered as we headed in that direction. “He had one job.”

“You knew deep down he wasn’t really about to be any help,” Rah chuckled.

“Got me there.”

I’m in my office combing through emails, sending updates to parole officers, judges, and lawyers. I have twenty minutes left to wrap this up before taking my next group out when I hear a knock on my door. When I look up, it’s the last person I ever expected to stand in my doorway. My eyes quickly rove over her frame. Today Jamila’s braids are pulled into a half up and half down style. She’s wearing khaki cargos and a sage green t-shirt that has the word dreamer written in bubbly cursive across the chest. Her eyes travel around the small space before meeting my eyes.

“Hey,” I greet, waving her in. “An unexpected but pleasant surprise. What’s up?”

We’ve texted on and off since last week's meeting but I’m careful not to be overwhelming with her. Our growing friendship is out of her norm and I’ve seen that coming on too strong triggers her fight or flight response. I kept it chill with funny memes or interesting articles I thought she might find interesting too. Her responses would range from short answers to multiple depending on the topic but she had yet to hit me up first. Had yet to seek me out. Until now that is. 

“Nothing, I uh actually got here early for once so I thought I’d pop in,” she says, taking a seat in one of the two cushioned folding chairs across from the desk. 

Things at HH weren’t glamorous as we were not one of the top non-profits but we made the best out of what we were given. 

“Something tells me you have something on your mind,” I said, as she got settled. 

Nodding her head she lets her gaze land on mine. I’ve observed direct eye contact is her thing unless her feelings are involved. Otherwise, she’s locked in on me as she asks, “The meeting…you said you started it. Why?”

“Sometimes I can’t talk to my friends. One is emotionally immature and the other, emotionally avoidant. I’m the only one who likes to try to regulate how I’m feeling,” I explained, as I tried to search for more context after seeing the unspoken confusion written across her features. I needed to show her the purpose of the group outside of my needs.

“I wanted to be able to talk to people around my age who also wanted to talk and have their feelings validated, making it easier to move on from the little and big annoyances of life. A lot of groups tend to be for trauma related issues but there aren’t so many for regular everyday people to commune.”

“How does talking about things help you?” she asked next, brows scrunched but not in their usual way. There is no attitude behind this expression, merely curiosity that swirls behind her chestnut gaze. I know my responses will probably determine if she ever shares in a group or if she ever returns. 

“I’m somebody that overthinks every interaction because I don’t want people to be around me and have bad experiences. It’s unrealistic but it’s who I am. When it comes to my personal shit it’s ten times worse. It helps to workshop my thoughts instead of having them constantly play in a loop in my head. It also helps to have people who aren’t close to the situation. I get unbiased feedback which is invaluable,” I replied.

“That is a big draw but I don’t know. I grew up not telling my business for survival reasons so to go against that feels unnatural,” she mused, twirling the end of a braid around her finger absentmindedly.

“Well you don’t have to tell allll of your business,” I chuckled, causing her to smirk. She’s hell bent on not smiling but I don’t make it easy for her. “Just what’s relevant. What will make you feel better.”

“Is feeling better after sharing guaranteed?” she asks.

“Being that nothing in life is, no. Sometimes I walk away even more confused but that’s okay. Life isn’t in black and white, it’s the gray areas that kick our asses,” I said.

“You speak like a walking motivational poster,” she says, causing me to laugh out loud.

“I’ve been told I’m a tad optimistic a time or two,” I said. 

“That wasn’t a shot at you, just an observation,” she adds quickly.

“I know,” I grin.

“How did you get so comfortable with being so open all of the time?” she asks, looking from the braid wrapped around her finger towards me.

“My Grandad always encouraged us to say the hard things because in his words ‘The truth might not be pretty but it’s better looking than a lie’ and hearing that growing up stuck with me. It’s less about me being open and more about me getting my point across,” I said.

She nodded her head again, taking in my words although I could tell by the pensive look on her face she wasn’t quite sure how to respond to them. It was time to lighten the mood.

“My turn to ask you a question,” I said, drumming my fingers on the desk.

Skepticism overrode her features then as she sat up straight. Her eyes squint as she says, “Go for it.”

“What do you think the best episode of SpongeBob is? I’m in a debate with my little sister. Personally the Krusty Krab pizza episode got it hands down but she talking about the episode where he ripped his pants,” I said, causing the sides of her mouth to lift as she looked off to the side in a futile attempt to stop the smile that was growing.

She thought I was going to ask something personal because I had been doing all of the sharing but I knew not to have that expectation. Trust didn’t come easy to her and I wanted to earn her trust in me over time. There was only so much words could do in this case anyway. Jamila needed to see.

Braids swish back and forth softly as she shakes her head.“Both of you are wrong. It’s the marching band episode.”

“That’s also a classic but I don’t know if it’s touching the pizza episode,” I said.

“Sounds like you and your little sister are close from what you’ve told me so far,” she said. 

“As close as I can be to a fourteen year old. Sometimes she feels more like my kid than my sibling but that’s because I’d do anything in the world for her,” I reply.

“I know the feeling, trust. You see the handful that Papi is,” she says, eyes softening as she talks about one of the two people who know her the best.

“He’ll grow out of it. I used to be just like him at that age,” I said.

My family used to call me The Bodyguard with the way I would look after Sabrina and her sister Cheyenne. I didn’t like anyone around my older cousins so I knew how Papi was feeling. I was unknown, therefore a threat until he deemed I wasn’t.

“Oh Lord, I can only imagine the nuisance you might have been,” she says, causing me to chuckle. “Well if he grows up to land a good career like this, I suppose I can overlook the pain in the ass phase.”

“Wait…is that a compliment I hear?” I asked with a raised brow. “Be still, I think pigs are starting to fly.”

“Did you also hear the pain in the ass part?” she asks with a playful roll of her eyes.

“I’m choosing to focus on the positive. Keep up. So what is it you like about me again?” I ask.

“See now you doing too much which means that’s my cue to leave,” she chuckles as she pushes up to her feet. “I’m going to wait outside by the van.”

“You can admit that I’m growing on you. You won’t melt, I promise,” I tease.

“There you go being corny, ruining the moment,” she smirks, her eyes bright as if she would laugh if there weren’t the risk of others hearing.

“There you go acting like you don’t like it,” I countered, catching her gaze as she paused by the doorway.

Looking over her shoulder, she tosses a barely audible, “Maybe.”

I can’t call her on it because she disappears into the hallway the moment the word leaves her lips. It doesn’t matter though, I heard her clearly. I don’t understand fully why it makes me as happy as it does but I don’t want to pick it apart. I’m learning to live in the moment and see where life takes me. Right now I’m on a road that leads to Jamila and I’m intrigued at what I’ll learn along the way. As I gather my clipboard and keys to head out to the van myself, I think of more ways to turn that smirk into the smile she fights so hard against in my presence.

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[chirpsythismorning]

Y’all will be your own undoing the fact none of you have not even the slightest bit of doubt is rather worrying. what happens if neither is endgame and let’s say Mike is killed off? You can’t say that won’t happen either because you don’t know the same way you can’t say byler is endgame because you don’t know hell even milevens can’t say they’re ship is endgame because they don’t know. Ego is ruining both sides and neither side is correct and shouldn’t proclaim to be.

I'm sorry anon, but I'm not all bylers. While there are a great deal of bylers like myself who have less doubts these days, there are plenty that have mostly doubts. PLENTY. Arguably the vast majority. And for good reason, ie. history.

To be completely honest anon, I don't think you're worried about bylers and their lack of doubts. I think their lack of doubt scares you bc it's caused you to go from confident to having doubts yourself. Why else would you be here on anon all condescending otherwise?

Personally, I'm not even here bc I want to believe byler's endgame. And no offense to those that have went through it, because the whole point of queer-baiting is to basically mock queer fans and lead them on with no intention of following through, but I have never been queer-baited before.

I did however, like many milkvans, go into Stranger Things loving Mike and El under the assumption they were peak romance. I literally skipped all of s2 during my first rewatch to get to their reunion! But genuinely, do we think the show is supposed to be watched that way?? Hell no.

If you're having to skip all of s2, most of s3, most of s4 in rewatches, bc Mike and El are separated, fighting, or broken up, what does that tell you?

If you're having resentments for characters like Max and Lucas and Will and Hopper bc the story has made points to have those characters interfere with your confidence in Mike and El romantically, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're probably watching the show wrong. To be clear, if you have resentment for ANY of the main characters, you are missing something!!!

And that was my problem back then when I subscribed to these assumptions, because I WANTED to believe Mike and El were the pinnacle of romance, despite the signs incoming that went against it. And what that meant is I had to hold resentments for all the characters, including Mike and El themselves and even the Duffer Brothers for ruining what I WANTED to believe.

After s3, me, my friends, family and quite honestly anyone I spoke to about the show, said that it went downhill since the previous two seasons. And I do think a big part of the reason why, is because of the Mike and El conflict conflating everything. It felt regressive. And s4 repeating that exact storyline????

It took me a while to even consider byler as an idea. It's not like I latch onto every non-canon mlm ship and just ship for nothing (very few bylers do this, no matter how much anti's need to convince themselves this is the case as an excuse to be homophobic).

I am a hopeless romantic. Doesn't matter if it's queer or straight, I only ship stuff that I feel confident is endgame bc why would I put myself through scenes of something that doesn't feel right to me, merely bc I want to believe it and despite everything pointing against it??

Full serious, IF I was confident in milkvan endgame as a possibility, I would probably just convince myself to like them and provide evidence supporting it, bc I would honestly rather be right? Who tf wants to be wrong?

The problem was it didn't matter if I was initially convinced Mike and El were the pinnacle of romance (I was a child okay, give me a break...). Once I let go of that assumption because of all the doubts I had of them piling up, and took off my heteronormative goggles, I went woah... Holy shit. This show is actually fucking epic. Doubts gone. And the rest is history.

So, what happens if neither is endgame and Mike's killed off? I guess I would be confused, especially because the Duffer's specifically mentioned not being able to kill off Mike in a podcast last year. They gave their reasoning as to why, being that they take deaths on their show very seriously, needing 1+ seasons for them to show the characters mourning the loss. And so ending the show on that exact note, would be kind of a spoiler since they brought it up specifically? Therefore kind of redundant?

I guess, sue me for thinking the Duffers care about the show and put a lot of meaning into it. All of my analysis and theories are based on that assumption. No one's going to change how I think about that, so trust me, not worth getting worked up over it, anon.

If your evidence is all based on the assumption that the Duffers are not that good of writers, that almost everything on the show is coincidental and there's no deeper meaning beyond surface level, why are you even watching it in the first place? You do you I guess, but I just don't know why you wouldn't want to watch something that is more worth your time?

People being confident in their theories wont hurt you. If it bothers you so much, maybe find a way to be confident with your theories after looking at all the evidence from both sides. All sides. Any sides. If you still come up completely indifferent, then don't work yourself up by going on anon and making it other peoples' problem.

If it turns out everything meant nothing, and I was wrong about everything or most of what I interpreted, I will be okay! Because the show went from being about what I wanted to believe, to just what I genuinely believed.

Would I be disappointed? Sure. But lets hope I'm right bc in my scenario the show is epic and everything means something... not sure why anyone would root for the alt...

[theavianlady]

Haha…this got much too long to put in an ask.

So…I have done an obscene amount of research on turtle biology. Because I’m so freakin obsessed with these stupid turtle people. And in doing my research, I found something that reminded me of something in the endnotes of a fic from @thedawningofthehour.

From what I could see, softshell turtles do have lungs, and they can breathe air just like any other “air-breather”.

We also know that most turtles can “breathe through their butts''. Thank you, Olaf. This is called Cloacal Respiration (for those of you who don’t know, a cloaca is the only…uh…hole that most birds and reptiles have). This is kind of a misleading name because they can also oxygenate through their mouths and throats as well.

I was really curious about how exactly they did that because that’s pretty freaking cool, so I did more research. It sounds like they can do it through specific areas because they have a high enough concentration of blood vessels close enough to the surface that it is possible for them to oxygenate through diffusion (diffusion is essentially just molecules passing through cell membranes to get into the cell, thus, in the case of oxygen, fueling it). Which is kind of scary considering that that would imply that those areas would bleed a lot more if injured and likely be a lot more sensitive. This is even more scary considering that I also found out that most turtles also have something else called cutaneous respiration, which is literally the same thing, but through their skin. Which implies that their skin is very sensitive. I also learned that in their throats, they have lots of highly vascularized villi (little...bits of flesh in a specific shape), which allows for even more diffusion. Oh, fun.

…

Kind of unrelated, but I also found out that while brumating, every once in a while, softshells will do something resembling a pushup to expose more oxygen-rich water to their skin. Ooh, fascinating.

Important notes:

I am not a professional, everything listed here is from my own personal research - which is very carefully conducted, but still take everything I’ve said with a grain of salt.

When I say “most…”, it’s most likely because I don’t want to speak in absolutes about things I’m not 100% certain about, so it could be true, or it could not be.

I’m sorry if I offended anyone by explaining things that people already knew, I just have absolutely no clue what normal people know (I researched taxonomy and turtle ear anatomy for fun, y’all).

I, unfortunately, couldn’t find anything talking about how long turtles can actually hold their breaths or go without oxygen that took into consideration cloacal respiration. Maybe that information doesn’t exist because I’m the first psychopath to wonder about it, who knows?

There are so many questions I’ve had branching off from this that I’ve just chosen not to delve into yet because I’ve already spent way too much time researching this. For example, I’m not sure if the “higher concentration of blood vessels” is actually, well. Blood vessels. ‘Cause I have no clue if diffusion can occur in flowing blood. How do alveoli work? Do the blood cells stop at the alveoli to re-oxygenate and then keep going? Do they have like, little docking stations? Are there alveoli in turtles' cloacal tissue? How fast does the transfer of oxygen happen; maybe it doesn’t matter if the blood is flowing, I don’t know. My brain is a mess; I could keep listing questions for ages.

Having said that, if anyone knows anything about this that I missed, can confirm my hypotheses, or even just wants to discuss this further, I absolutely love talking about science, and I would really like to develop my theories more. Knowledge is the most valuable thing in the world to me, so please don’t gatekeep it. Even if you have like, the most stupid idea, I would really enjoy discussing it.

[bisexualspongebob]

i want to know y’alls genuine opinion to this. it’s a bit of a long read so it’ll mean a lot to me to get some help. no joke replies please, it’s related to relationships so if you have knowledge with that i’d appreciate any input.

so obviously i fell hard for my fwb. i hung out with him a good amount the first two weeks i got to know him, then he went on vacation for another week, then got sick for another week and i missed him dearly. we’ve hung out again a few times so far after he recovered. i took him out on a date on friday and it was fun.

i was heavily interested in pursuing a romantic relationship for the first month i’ve known him. however, the past few days i’ve been losing interest. he never initiates casual text conversations, he never opens up about his emotions, he would leave me on read sometimes for days. i always ask for consent with pda and affection and but the way he says yes and his body language usually looks uncomfortable. he can’t reciprocate the amount of affection i give him when we’re not physically together.

what do i like about him? he’s sweet. he’s intelligent. he’s a nerd. i find his shyness very endearing (even though funnily he came off very confident and cocky when he first texted me). he’s not the most experienced in bed (still good enough that i enjoy it), but i appreciate his enthusiasm and willingness to get better. i love cooking with him. hanging out with him is fun. i like seeing him open up to me the more we hang out, even if a bit slowly. i think he’s real cute. he’s been there for me when i needed someone. he even came to my birthday party when i’ve only known him for a week at the time.

but while he’s not there, i imagine myself with a version of himself with all his best qualities + the qualities i want to see. and it of course worsened when i didn’t get to see him for two weeks. i always have a big imagination and tend to apply it to my life, not just my creative work. so i tend to have a warped perception of reality.

i realized before our date that i’m not interested anymore in pursuing a romantic relationship. i run fast, and i don’t want to slow down for someone who’s not willing to catch up to me. i kept shaming myself for loving too hard but i’m not going to do that anymore.

however, even with this realization, i still am thinking about him quite a lot. last night i realized that yeah i’m still very much into him no matter how much i distance myself from him. and i just don’t know why. i don’t know why i can’t detach myself from him. i think a lot of it could be because this feels the closest i have gotten to a relationship where we’re both into each other and i’ve been craving a relationship for years. i meet a lot of great people, and he’s one of the few who actually reached out to me again after our first time.

and last night he gave me something i was seeking from him since we started to become friends. we played pizza tower at my place friday night after a fun time at the barcade, and we had so much fun. last night he sent me a casual text about pizza tower of all things, and it made me happy.

so maybe he needs a lot of time to open up and start reciprocating the effort. i wear my heart on my sleeve and love quick, but i guess a lot of people aren’t like that.

so i have a million questions. what do i do? do i keep being myself and text him more regularly? should i tone down and let him open up go me naturally? should i back off if his body language looks uncomfortable but he says yes?

but the bigger questions are. how do i ask him what he wants? how do i ask him if he wants to continue with our current route or wants to start dating? will he make the time and effort if we start dating? can he start picking up the pace? do i make him meet all my expectations or is that too much to ask? does meeting him in the middle mean i’m settling for less? how do i get the courage to talk to him about feelings (which by the way he said he’s receptive to having a conversation about and thinks is important)? will he still want to be friends if we stop having sex (he told me he does think that friends is an important part of fwbs)?

it’s so much to think about. and it’s all i can think about. my friends still enjoy hanging out with me but i feel like a debbie downer when the thoughts of him outwardly consume me and i can’t be present with my friends.

i’m just asking for help. asking for a friend. what do i do? how do i navigate this? i just feel so lost.