#like SO bad it's almost overriding my better judgement and making me think i could totally handle a baby right now

[flatoatchi]

me: i would love to have kids someday in like 10 years but i am definitely not ready for them right now

the baby dream: hiiiiiiii

[professional-demon-master]

Cutting you off pt. 5

Asmodeus

Light Angst/comfort good ending!

Asmo x MC! GN pronouns.

* Right off the bat you learned how emotionally open asmodeus was.

* Not only when it came to show lust related feelings. He was so open all the time, and you kinda guessed that plays a big part when it came to him being extremely liked everywhere.

* It didn’t matter where you were, Asmo was the center of attention, he had everybody at his feet and trying to get his attention.

* Which was kinda uncomfortable to you when you two were out trying to spend some quality time together.

* Like right now, you both were out in the fall, dancing and drinking, just the two of you.

* … the two of you and the demons that kept stealing Asmo's attention by the minute.

* First it was the one who came with two shots (for him and Asmo) and entangled Asmo's arm with his so they could drink it together. Then the demon who stole his attention with some idle chatting right in the middle of your own conversation, and don’t even get him started in the ones who kept asking him to dance.

“Asmo!” You touched his shoulder and he looked at you, interrupting the demon that was whispering by his ear. “Darling! I was looking for you!”

“Really? Cause I was waiting for you by the bathroom, where you said you’ll be!” You almost yelled due to the volume inside the club. “Sorry dear! I got a little bit distracted in the way” he chuckled, turned to the other demon and said something to him before returning to you. “Let’s go get another drink! You took so long I finished my cocktail!” You suppressed the need of telling him it wasn’t your fault, he wouldn’t even listen anyway and you didn’t wanted to spoil the night before it even began.

* The night kept on going and you really tried to not feel bad everytime Asmo left you to go hang out with literally anybody else.

* Your last straw happened at the dance floor. You were both dancing together, and then another demon got behind Asmo to dance with him, then another one appeared at his side.

* After another one completely blocked you from his view and Asmo didn’t even noticed, you slowly made your way to an empty table.

* You kept looking at him tho, hoping to see him looking at you, but it didn’t happened.

“What’s wrong love? You were there one moment and the next one I couldn’t find you!” Asmo grabbed your arm in a friendly manner while he got a little too close to you. “30 minutes ago” “what?” I left the dance floor 30 minutes ago and you just noticed” you crossed your arms looking at him.

Asmo rolled his eyes at you, looking annoyed. This happened everytime he drank enough, or when he was too drunk in self love, luckily for you both were happening tonight! He tended to be a little bit more irritable and acted without thinking.

He took a sip of a drink the demon by his side offered him. He smiled at you drastically changing his demeanor “Stop crying! Are you coming back to dance or what?”

“No, Asmo. I wanna leave” you admired a little bit nervous and irritated with the whole situation. “What? No! Why would we do that? Just come back with us, it’s still early!” He grabbed your hand trying to make you stand up. “It’s 3 am and I’m tired, please, let’s just come back.”

“Ugh, why are acting like such a baby? You just wanna ruin my fun!” He frowned a little bit mad, talking a little bit louder this time. “Me? You ruined my fun! You haven’t even looked at me since we got here.” “Oh, so that’s the problem! You’re just jealous! You want to be by my side always and it’s tiring!” You gulped, a little bit hurt, trying to excuse him. Asmo is always a little bit emotional and flirty, but with a couple of drinks in him he tended to let his sin override his better judgement. “Asmo, it’s time to go back…” “No! I’m sick of it! I’m Asmo! Avatar or lust! jewel of the heavens! I could have fun with everyone I could ever want but you keep trying to be by my side always, spoiling my fun!” This time a couple of demons started looking your way; Asmo got closer to your face and almost fell trying to take a step back, “You’re not good enough to be with me all of the time, get over it.” He spoke with a lower voice, his nose almost touching yours and his index finger poking near your clavicle. He pulled back, now letting you watch his face as he grabbed the other demons hand and a drink that another person offered him. “I’ll go home when I feel like it” he spoke loudly, but not quite yelling. You felt ashamed, demons were now returning to their own conversations but that didn’t stopped a few of them from looking at you mockingly, another couple of them with pity.

You almost ran out of the club, trying to get home before you started ugly crying in the street.

* By the next morning you woke up with puffy eyes and a sore throat.

* You did your best to make your eyes look normal before getting breakfast.

* When you arrived there you were thankful to notice Asmo wasn’t there. It wasn’t abnormal, almost every time he went out, he would wake up later than usual.

“We didn’t expected you here this early” Lucifer’s voice made you snap out of your own thoughts. When you looked confused he explained, “You went out with Asmo last night, didn’t you? You must have returned pretty late.”

“Oh” your stomach hurt, of course you weren’t going to tell him about Asmo's actions from last night and how you ended up coming back on your own way earlier than he did. “I just… came back earlier, he ran into some friends and I was too tired to keep partying”. When the whole table looked convinced at your story, you silently exhaled and went back to looking at your plate, trying to concentrate in what the brothers were talking about instead of what was going on in your head.

* Your efforts to avoid Asmo during the weekend worked. Whenever you were at HoL you tried to stay in hidden in whatever room the brothers were at, and when it was time to eat you’ll convince Beel to go out.

* It wasn’t just your work either. Asmo had also restrained himself from spending time with you.

* He didn’t actually remember all of the fight from the day prior - not as intense as it actually was anyways - but it was pretty common for you to be mad the day after a big party.

* Whatever reason it was, he always knew you would probably be mad at him after partying and kinda ignored you the day after that, but never actually apologized

* The firsts times this happened, you didn’t think much of it. He was drunk so he probably didn’t remembered, and you were also drinking so maaaaybe you overreacted, right?

* Of course as time passed, you started getting this feeling that left a bitter taste in your mouth. Why didn’t he talked to you? Why didn’t he apologized? Didn’t he wanted to knew what he did to make you upset?

* So when this whole situation happened at The Fall, it was your breaking point.

* Not talking to you? Fine! See what I care. This time you weren’t gonna come back like nothing had happened, he embarrassed you! And in front of a really good amount of demons, nonetheless!

* So when Monday rolled around and you didn’t answered Asmo's singsongy ‘good morning’, he found it weird.

* And it wasn’t just that. The whole breakfast you would talk to his brothers pretty normally, but whenever he started talking too, you would go completely silent. His brothers didn’t seem to notice it but he did! And it was making him upset.

* You didn’t sit with him in the class you both shared today, nor did you pass notes during the lesson.

* And don’t even get him started on the way you also ignored him during diner.

* He was so mad he had the fight himself to avoid frowning all day long. A little misunderstanding like this wasn’t going to give him a wrinkle

* The next day he was hopeful you would have time to talk it out, you both use to walk together on Tuesdays since you two had an early class together.

* But when you left as soon as he was joining breakfast with the excuse that Solomon and you were going to meet up to study before class started, all his hopes deflated and he started to felt a disgusting feeling growing in his stomach.

* He wasn’t going to give up that easily, oh no. He actually got to class early and made sure that everybody was sitting anywhere but beside him, so you two would have to sit together.

* And so you did. He had a relaxed smile while he watched you writing notes as the lesson began.

* “Hey Mc ~ want to meet up in my room before dinner so we can do homework together? We can also try this new face mask that I bought. It’s supposed to be amaziiing” he whispered, or tried at least, while leaning in to you. “No, thank you. Satan is helping me with homework today.” You answer was so harsh he felt shocked for a second. “O-Oh, that’s okay darling” he tried to sound as okay as he could, since when did you declined an offer to be with him?

* He tried talking to you again after the lesson ended but you practically ran out of class. He did his best to catch you and your last class of the day, waiting patiently next to your locker.

* You were too concentrated in your DDD to actually look at him before you arrived, leaving you unable to escape him this time.

* “Hello Mc~, I was looking for you all day!” You looked at him briefly before returning your eyes to your locker, opening it and changing some of the books you were holding. Asmo took your silence as a sign to continue, “Wanna walk home together? I saw this cute ice cream stand on the way here, we could go there and take some photos together for my feed too!” You closed your locker, finally looking at him, “No, I’m okay” Asmo frowned, “what do you mean you’re okay?” “I just don’t want to” you tried to leave the conversation there, but Asmo grabbed your wrist before you could escape. “Why… have you been avoiding me?” It was your time to frown, having to fight to keep your mouth closed instead of letting it hang open due to the surprise. Really? “Are you serious, Asmo? You don’t remember how shitty you were with me?” “Ugh, is this about the Saturday thing? Seriously?” “Yes seriously! You embarrassed me and you were extremely rude to me. It was completely uncalled for!” Asmo rolled his eyes “ugh, okay. I didn’t knew it meant so much to you. Im sorry, okay?” He exhaled “Now can we move forward?” You kept your lips in a thin line, feeling anger and sadness mix in your chests making you feel like you were about to slap him and cry in any second. “No. I’m done with this endless loop of you being mean to me whenever you want and me just letting it slide without even getting an apology. Forget it.” You jerked your wrist out from his hand. “I don’t want to be around you, Asmo. You hurt me and you don’t even seem to notice or care” you spoke calmer this time looking at him. His expression was hard to read, was he annoyed? Or just indifferent? “Goodbye, I’ll walk myself home” you practically ran down the stairs while Asmo stood in place. Hurt them? He knew he was a little bit more blunt than usual when he had a some cocktails on him but still, he didn’t said anything that bad, did he? It was probably just that you were touchy and emotional whenever you had alcohol in. It had to be that.

* “Ugh, whatever” he muttered while trying to avoid his shocked expression show. He didn’t needed this, he could get any friend he wanted. If MC wanted to act like a child, so be it.

* Asmo was doing good. Great, actually.

* He used to spend so much time with MC he almost forgot how many people wanted to be with him!

* He had a different companion every lunch, a group of demons following him around when he went out shopping and don’t even get him started about the invitations to go out he had almost every night.

* Wanted to do his skincare routine with someone? No problem, a demon is arriving before he could even begin to ask him. Asmo wanted to have a shopping spree and needed someone to ask for opinion? The demon that was in his history class was there.

* He didn’t even thought about your fight for days!

* Until he saw you eating near the fountain with the twins and Mammon.

* He was on his way to meet another group of demons who asked him to eat together that day. Too into his own mind to realize you were there before seeing you foreground.

* It was… weird. The way you were hanging with his brothers felt different than his recent lunch dates.

* You were sitting in the grass, Beel by your side, eating a burger and fries at the same time, Mammon in front of you talking about something he ignored and Belphie laying in your lap, falling asleep with a smile in his face while he commented something he couldn’t decipher either. You laughed and started caressing Belphie's hair. You started talking with a smile plastered in your face, one that made Asmo feel strange.

* When was the last time he had any meaningful conversation with the people he had been hanging out with? He tried to ignore it, but most of the time they wouldn’t talk or would just praise whatever he would say.

* He hated the upsetting feeling that was settling in his stomach. He hated even more that he j ew how he could fix it.

* That day he ate alone.

* And his after school meetings didn’t went very well either. He had a couple of demons getting a spa treatment with him, in a salon full of people, but he never felt more alone.

* After 30 minutes of demons listening to him bickering about nothing in particular, he decided to try to recreate the kind of atmosphere he had when hanging out with the MC.

* “So… have any of you done anything interesting lately?” The demons looked at him, confused “Nothing as interesting as the things you do everyday, Asmodeus.” One of them answered with a smile plastered on their face. “Well, but like, none of you do anything outside of waiting to hang out with me?” They looked at each other and shook their heads “you don’t have any good stories to chit chat about? A new series you started watching? A weird fixation you know way too much about?” “Do you want us to have some of those? We could create something right now!” Asmo fought to keep his sadness hidden. “Ugh… no, forget it. It’s not the same” he let out a sigh, “let’s just get this over with.”

* That night Asmo felt lonelier than he did before. It wasn’t just the fact that he noticed how empty those demons were, it was the fact that none of them was as interesting and comfortable to hand around as you, MC.

* And whats even worse, none of them stay around enough. They like Asmo for what he has and gets, not for who he is and what he has to offer outside of his lust and social position.

* Yes, a lot of people want to hangout with Asmodeus, avatar of lust, but not a lot of them want to stay with Asmo. And even if they did, none of them are you, MC.

* The next day Asmo convinced himself that he needed to get back his situationship with you.

* Even if he had to accept he fucked up and needed to apologize.

* He tried, he really tried to work up the courage to go and talk to you, but, weirdly, he felt nervous.

* What if you realized you actually were better without him? What if you had actually replaced him with his brothers? You did look happy these last days.

* And what’s even worse, he could never catch you alone!

* He tried to talk to you before the first period, but you were too busy hanging around Satans locker, helping him carry some books back to the library.

* During lunch Diavolo and Bsrbatos were all over you, talking about some human realm festival that was happening next month.

* And in the classes you were together, you had already found other partners for every activity. It was frustrating and infuriating. What did everyone else had that he didn’t?

* “… so this is how Levi feels, uh?”

* But finally, and after waiting for a long time, he caught you alone reading in a bench while waiting for Mammon to walk home together after class.

* He took a big breath before walking to you, hands in his side and lips pursed

“Hey, Mc. Can we… talk?”

You raised your face yo look at him and he felt nervous for a minute. This was so unlike him it was making his tummy feel weird. “I suppose.”

Asmo sat down in the bench, letting a small silence cover your conversation. “I’ve missed you, MC” “really? Didn’t seemed like it” Asmo intertwined his fingers, “yeah, I know. I’ve spent all week looking for ways to avoid thinking about you, but I’ve failed, clearly.”

You looked at him before turning your face back to your book. Asmo felt frustrated, too many feelings in his chest but only so much he could express with words. “I’m sorry Mc, I really do. And I’m sorry it took me this long to say it, and to realize that I could never replace, not even if I tried” You turned the book back down and he took that as a sign to keep going. “I really thought about everything I do remember from that day and even though it’s not much, I know I can be a little difficult to deal with when partying and I’m sorry, I must’ve gutted you pretty bad, but I don’t want yo be that person again, I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Asmo exhaled and kept going this time getting a little closer, “It’s completely okay if you don’t want to forgive me, really. I hurt you, and I never want to be that person again. I swear, if you give me another chance, this won’t ever happen again. I don’t want you to feel unappreciated ever again.” He took your hand, slowly, trying to see if there were any signs of resistance. “And I just… I wanted you to know that you are important to me and nothing could ever replace you. I want to do better for you because you’re worth it.”

You looked at Asmo for a really long time before actually breaking a little smile, tears gathering in your eyes. “Oh Asmo.” You went in for a hug, that Asmo quickly deepened, pulling you as close as he could. “That’s all I wanted. For you to say you’re sorry and to acknowledge my feelings. I don’t want us to grow apart.” “Me neither! Do you know how boring and sad my days were without you around?” You laughed a little, your face buried in Asmo's neck “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” “Hey Asmo, it’s okay. We’ll work on it together, okay?” “Yes, please. I don’t want us to fight ever again”

Asmo let you go after a while, holding you by the shoulders. “So, spa day to celebrate?”

Asmo has really grown on my these past months

[kimbureh]

"You are stupid, but luckily *I'm* not." How some discourse habits make us stupider than we are.

funnily enough, it was before That Post Of Mine that went viral and people now keep telling me how stupid I was, when I mused about the mindset of "Declaring Somebody Stupid".

My theory so far is, thinking that other people are stupid makes oneself stupid.

And almost measurably so.

If there was a social study that sorted participants into one group that tends to discount people's intelligence, and another that doesn't tend to have that bias, the result would be, I would theorize, that the group that looks down on other people's intelligence produces more misunderstandings in interpersonal communication than the other.

If you believe someone is stupider than you, you don't stop and try to understand their perspective if they say/do something you don't understand. You simply declare them as in some way deficient and move on.

It's a mindset that critically hinges on hierarchy, dichotomy, and immutability— there are The Stupids (who are at the bottom and can never ascend) and The Smarts (who should rightfully lead), and everyone assumes they belong to the latter group. If the other person fails to make themselves understood in the specific way the self-declared Smart Person is used to, they can only belong to The Stupids, no other option available.

I think it's remarkable how the fundamentals of this limiting mindset are also core to the ideology of many (probably all) reactionary and traditionalist movements.

Hierarchy — grants the illusion of safety, justice, and predictability in a world that is seen as threatening and overwhelming. Oneself is at the top, disliked groups at the bottom. Funny how that works.

Dichotomy — oversimplifies the complex world and puts it into handy categories of black & white, us vs them, for us & against us, and the old classic: good vs bad. Oneself is always one of the good ones. Funny how that's always the case!

Immutability — change is threatening since it requires to re-evaluate one's perspective, and it is easier to label a disliked person as Stupid and never revise that judgement than it is to consider new data and build an updated opinion. Stereotypes fall under this category. Oneself is complex and facetted, of course. Other people, however, are simple and easy to judge. So Funny how that's lining up perfectly, huh.

Victimhood — is a fourth category I haven't mentioned above, but which dovetails with the three other categories perfectly: The idea goes like this: "If only there weren't these Stupids who mess everything up, we Smarts could build a better world." Notice the connex of "The Smarts are better" and "The Smarts are being hindered/oppressed", which is a vital idea in many (probably all) reactionary mindsets.

So, who is stupid?

I'm not.

You aren't. The people who tell me I'm stupid also aren't.

If we fail to analyze differing opinions, we embrace the mindset of Hierarchy, Dichotomy, Immutability, and ultimately, Victimhood. And I believe we do ourselves a huge disservice if we let hurtful words seduce us into adopting a reactionary mindset.

Returning to my initial theory:

Thinking that other people are stupid makes oneself stupid.

Makes me draw the following conclusion:

If you're truly smart, stupid people cease to exist: You don't assume that you're smarter, but you *do* assume there is something you don't understand yet.

And, for the off-chance this does go viral again: no, you are not obliged to engage in discourse with people who say hurtful things to you. This should go without saying, but the presented communicational tools are just *options* in our toolbox, they don't override the priority that is personal safety.

[loveatfirstwriteblog]

A Complete Analysis of Harry Potter

Like a lot of kids, we probably grew up on Harry potter. We were obsessed and rightly so. The universe created in the world of Harry Potter was, and is, a hugely successful one because of the fact it gave kids a world where magic exists! It seemed to be a great world to live in and it made even better with the fact that it included elements of empowerment, Whether it be showing girls can be just as successful if not more in various pursuits(Hermione), or the fact that even if you have a history of bad events, you can have a good heart(Hagrid), Harry Potter teaches us a lot.

JKR has written a mind-blowing plot in a world of magic, wizards, witches, wands, potions, friendship, love. Our inner-five-year olds--and actually most of our young adult selves too--jumps around excitedly at the beautifully penned words that creates an exit out of this world and into one where magic does exist. 

As you get older, though, you begin to think of Harry Potter in a more critical fashion. The thought of “oh my god, it’s magic” no longer completely overrides my mind, but more of “but what are the laws regarding this? Can people just do this whenever they want? Are there no ethics?” 

No matter how much we’re going to expose the flaws and plot holes in HP now, we’ll always love the books--we grew up on them! But some things just niggle you as you get older, and that’s what we’re going to be focusing on in this post.

Something I adore about the HP books is that everyone, including the “good guys”, has flaws. Harry has a “save the world alone, do first, think later” complex, a driving force that makes him go save Sirius, Ron is very, very insecure to a point where he ditches Harry twice, probably when Harry needed him the most, Hermione is a judgemental, narrow-minded nag (her thoughts on Luna, divination, Trelawney, basically anything that doesn’t fit her black and white world), Molly Weasley is misogynistic and blatantly favourites her children—probably being one of the main factors behind Ron’s insecurities, Arthur is condescending towards Muggles and makes several comments you cringe at while reading the books as a young adult/adult, Sirius, Snape, and Lupin still haven’t let go of their childhood grudges and hatred, etc etc etc. 

These flaws are what make these characters so three-dimensional, so layered, so human. But the problem was, most of these flaws are never intentionally acknowledged. And honestly, that could have been such a good character arc, because the main characters are mostly students. No student is the same through their teenage years—they change, they evolve, they get over their flaws, they try to better themselves. I would have loved to see Ron becoming his own person, Hermione opening her mind up a little, etc. 

Neville is not one of my favourites, but I love his growth and development, from someone who was scared of his potions professor to a man who faced down Lord Voldemort. Ginny Weasley could have had character development, from the trauma she went through in second year, but that was never written in.  She went through this terrifying ordeal when she was only twelve years old, and jump to a year or two later and she’s absolutely fine, with no transition from her trauma whatsoever.

Some of JKR’s characters are brilliantly written and fleshed out, but some of her others lack the structure and complexity that usually comes with being vital to the plot—Ginny Weasley for one. Her internalised misogyny also plays a huge part in the way her female characters are written. We see this again in the case of how she wrote the character of Ginny. 

Ginny Weasley is not a favourite of ours (if you don’t know that by now). She feels a lot like a convenient male daydream—when she waits for Harry to notice her by dating other guys, gets annoyed by Hermione “not knowing quidditch”, etc etc—and fits the “not like other girls” archetype too much, almost like she was made for it (hint hint). She’s portrayed to be strong-willed, spunky, and independent, and I love the idea, but I really don’t see it. To me, she’s a very shallow character, the least fleshed out one. 

Just like James Potter wasn’t necessarily redeemed just because JKR said he was, and Ginny isn’t interesting just because JKR writes that she is. 

Hermione also fits the archetype, but she’s JKR’s self-insert, so we really can’t say much about that. 

To make things worse, Ginny and Hermione are pitted against each other in a very subtle way. Ginny is the sporty, pretty, flirty girl who’s never single from book 4. Hermione is the not-conventionally-attractive, nerdy girl who’s had a few dates here and there but never a relationship. They’re very different characters (the only thing they have in common is the archetype) but they’re against each other in the defence of Harry. 

Another place where JKR’s misogyny shows up is the way other girls are written. Lavender Brown is shown as vapid and immature, just because she likes clothes and boys and didn’t know how to handle her first relationship. Cho Chang is perceived as shallow because she’s emotional. Pansy Parkinson is seen to be throwing herself at Draco Malfoy. The Weasleys hated Fleur because she was beautiful and sexy and French, and that was ever really resolved in the end (Molly accepted her, but we never got Ginny’s and Hermione’s opinions again). You see where we’re getting at? The typical “girly girls” are portrayed as insipid, shallow, emotional, and boring, while girls like Hermione and Ginny are seen to be fun and multilayered. 

The problems with Harry Potter don’t just stop with non-fleshed out characters. There are plot devices that go unacknowledged, issues like blood purity—which is the basis of Voldemort’s tyranny—are never really resolved, huge Chekhov’s guns that aren’t fired. 

A common misconception, which if cleared up could probably expose a load of problems in wizarding society by itself, is that the wizarding world is racist. It’s not racist. Muggles and Muggleborns are not a different race, they’re a different class, at least according to pureblood wizards. Mudblood is a classist insult (a direct reference to nobility blueblood and aristocracy).

Another factor that wasn’t talked about but made the HP world so complex and realistic is the inherent classism in every single pureblooded wizard, including the Weasleys.

 The “Light” wizards all operate on the notion “at least I don’t kill or torture Muggles”. The Weasleys refuse to talk about Molly’s squib cousin who’s an accountant, the Longbottoms were so desperate for Neville to not be a squib they nearly killed him trying to force magic out of him, Ron makes fun of Filch for being a squib, thinks house-elves are beneath him, and confounds his driving instructor in his mid-thirties, the ministry workers kept obliviating that muggle at the quidditch World Cup, etc. 

This could have been a metaphor for how small prejudices and microaggressions (kind of the wizarding equivalent of white privilege) enable discrimination and murder, if JKR had actually acknowledged it. 

The parallel to Nazi Germany is very twisted and definitely shouldn’t be taken too far, but the Nazi ideology grew on the basis of everyday antisemitism, “that’s not that bad” little things. Voldemort’s circle and army grew because the wizard superiority complex festered and blew up in some people, egged on by a deeply classist society. 

Ultimately, Harry Potter has very, very shoddy worldbuilding, the kind of worldbuilding that’s obsessed with answering the “what” of the wizarding world, rather than the “how” or the “why”, which is strange, considering that fantasy or dystopian-era novels’ driving plots and conflicts are usually answering the questions the worldbuilding raises--The Hunger Games and The Shadowhunter Chronicles are two of the best examples of brilliantly written YA fantasy and dystopian novels. 

In HP, however, the main plot just avoids the questions the worldbuilding brings up like the bubonic plague. 

Voldemort’s agenda is built on prejudice towards Muggles and Muggleborns, but the plot just validates the negative perception of them—at the end of the day, being a wizard is what’s special. The Statute of Secrecy is the foundation of the main concept—blood supremacists believe wizards shouldn’t be hidden away—but only vague, barely-there answers are given to why it exists (a Chekhov’s gun that was never fired). 

There are love potions that function like date rape drugs (even Harry was given one by a girl who wanted him to ask her out), potions that force people to tell the truth, potions that literally let you disguise yourself as another person, but the ethics are never talked about, and the laws are so lax that three twelve-year-olds broke them and were never caught. 

But at the same time, the worldbuilding is so authentic, because it transforms the wizarding world into straight-up fridge horror. The everyday horrors are just accepted and rolled with. A corrupt government, constant obliviation of Muggles, slavery that isn’t even talked about. These things aren’t obvious to us as readers, or to the wizards as characters, because they match up to the real world, which is filled with things that are horrifying if you dig deeper. The multiple, normalised forms of abuse, police brutality, the violence in prisons that nothing is done about, the glaringly obvious cultural problems we have with consent, etc. 

The abusive authoritative figures in HP, like Rufus Scrimgeour, Cornelius Fudge, Dumbledore, Umbridge, etc, are so authentic because real-life politicians and people in high places of power behave that way, and their abuse is excused. 

The wizarding world is just like the real world. Corrupt, prejudiced, messed up, but if you’re privileged, or at least have certain privileges, you’re probably not going to notice. The ultimate problem is that the plot doesn’t acknowledge a lot of fridge horror things are messed up either, which is why it miserably fails. 

[ramblesamongstardust]

Stressed- an AI x reader

A-35 x gender-neutral reader I’m not thrilled with how this one turned out, but I figured I might as well post it for y’all, because why not? A story where you yell at your AI boyfriend for being a gosh darn workaholic can’t be that bad, right?

---

The outpost they sent you to was a dusty, dingy, backwater world. You were the only mechsuit assignment there, for one. All alone in your class. When you arrived, the team of wearied soldiers and scientists regained a spark of excitement in their eyes. A Radiant-class suit, they whispered among themselves as soon as you would turn the corner. Maybe things will pick up around this dump.

But they didn’t. In a week, you were just as bored as the rest of them. A backwater world with no action. Your assignment there had been not much more than a show of force and a morale boost. This world, far from any front, was about as protected as they came.

At first there were plenty of menial tasks. Things needed lifted and rearranged, so what better to do it than a suit? You and A-35 wrestled around loads of cargo and rearranged the storeroom. Then you went on to do the dangerous jobs- calibrating the weather sensors in deep sub-zero temperatures would be a risk for any of the ordinary folk. You, however, waded through the deep snow with little effort.

Each one was a job well done, even if it involved no actual combat. You and A-35 would write the report for your excursions together. He was a very good analyst, and you knew he could write the reports all on his own, but you liked to pitch in with your own thoughts and experiences, and he happily included them. 

He found it odd. He thought that most humans would have wanted to get out of menial work, not throw themselves into it. But. . . there was no denying that he liked having your input. 

Then the labor jobs ran out. 

It wasn’t through the fault of anyone running the base. There were simply no more jobs to be done that required you to be in the suit. During the last march to the hangar, you debated whether or not to actually get out of the suit when they commanded you. You wanted to hang onto the murmurs of A-35 in your ear and the way that he held you. 

It was only when A-35 assured you he would be fine that you got out. 

It turns out, they did still have a valuable and important use for a Radiant-class suit: processing power. There was no doubt that A-35′s systems were state-of-the-art, and it would be wasteful to leave such a powerful computer sitting out in the hangar. You watched as the tech team tugged thick wires and plugged them into the interior of the suit. 

They had to remove the helmet- your helmet -in order to make the connection. The cables snaking out from the empty shape of the suit made you feel strange, as if A-35′s insides were spilling out across the floor. 

You had asked him if it hurt. 

“Hardly. Although I am designed to be a more centralized unit, I’m just as capable being spread out amongst a larger system.” He had told you.

“Are they making you process things?” You asked again.

“Yes. It’s nothing more than menial calculations. I could do these while powered-down, easy.” He replied.

You were also called to work. Although your training was not being utilized, you were still an extra set of hands, and hands could work. You helped the rest of the personnel keep the base clean, cook the meals, wash the dishes, keep up with maintenance, etc. You almost felt like a recruit again.

You tried to make time to see A-35. You first came every night, but when he asked what you were doing here in the hangar instead of trying to befriend your bunkmates, you couldn’t help but withdraw. He did have a point.

Your cohorts were nice. There was Sarah, and Jason, and Latisha. They invited you to hang out after hours, and after A-35′s encouragement you began to take up their offers.

And so, every night slipped into every other night, and every other night slipped into twice a week, and twice a week. . .

When you two had first began, you had felt a real spark with A-35. It wasn’t just the thrill of getting the suit. It was getting in the suit with him. You began to have dreams about piloting, the feeling of the suit around your body, his voice a steady stream in your mind.

But now? Those dreams were fading. A-35 never reached out to you. Whenever you came to him, he always implied that you should be somewhere else. He spoke as if now you had become an inconvenience, choosing as little words as possible to make you go away.

You couldn’t get your mind off of it.

You sat on your bunk. Sarah was trying to show you her old movie collection and you were just nodding along.

After your last ‘mhmm’, Sarah turned to face you. “You alright?”

“No.” You admitted.

“That’s what I thought. What’s on your mind?”

You couldn’t say him. No, you couldn’t. You shook your head. 

“Look, friend, you got to get your problems out of your head. Holding onto them only makes things worse.”

Sarah’s advice, you knew, was to try and make you fess up to whatever was on your mind, but instead it gave you a new feeling. You gave Sarah a half-hearted excuse and before you knew it your legs were carrying you to the hangar bay.

This bay was tiny, only able to house one or two suits, nothing like the glistening training bays. A-35 stood against the wall. It had been a full week since you talked. Last week he had spared only a few words.

“Hey.” You said. 

There was no response at all.

“Hey, A-35?”

A pulse travelled through a cable, but it headed outwards, to the wall, rather than back into the suit. Still there was only silence.

“A-35.” You raised your voice. “It’s me. Y/n.”

“. . . y/n?”

His voice was slurred, with a hiss of underlying static. It sent a cold shiver through you. You practically ran forwards to the pilot entry ladder. Before you could climb it, the suit’s external lights came back to life and its frame became more rigid, or maybe that was just a trick of the light.

“Hello, y/n. Progress is moving smoothly. Nothing to run but more numbers. What are you doing here?” His usual, smooth tone returned.

“Are you okay?” You asked.

“Yes. Just running the process. Nothing of any note. Nothing much to say.”

There he went again, the polite refrain of please go away. But this time you wouldn’t. This time you needed to stay.

“What’s going on? You’re not acting like yourself.” You bit your lip and stood your ground.

“I am running at functional capacity-” a series of pulses came up the cables and traveled into his systems. 

You reached out to the cable.

“Receiving next data set, do not disconnect.” He said sternly.

His voice was becoming more monotone with every word. You took your hand off the cable, and instead extended it to his plating.

“Wait! Y/n, don’t!”

You let out a cry and jerked your hand away. The metal was hot, and your palm was now an angry red. But you did not spend time to blow on it. You could only look up at him in horror.

“You’re overheating.” You realized

“Current suit temperature: too warm for pilot comfort.” He stated in a rigid cadence, before adding. “Please go, I’m busy.”

“Like hell you’re just ‘busy’! You’re straining your systems!” You countered.

“I’m busy!” He shouted.

“A-35, pilot override: stop your calculations NOW!”

The words were bitter in your mouth. You had told him that you would never need to use the pilot override. The two of you were a unit- two halves of the same whole. You had put full trust in his judgement. Now, though. . .

A flurry of pulses came swarming out of his frame through the cables, random in pattern, disappearing back into the wall. The suit itself shuddered with the expulsion of the data.

You wanted to put your hand on his frame to steady him, and it hurt that you couldn’t. 

“There. You happy now?” He asked.

His voice returned. No more was the stiff modulation. Now, his aggravation spilled through the air, injected with all of the personality you had so dearly missed.

“You told me they were only light calculations.” You said.

“The science team needed more. So?” He replied.

“You could have hurt yourself.”

“’Hurt’ is a word with a very tricky meaning. It applies better to humans-”

“How long have you been running like that?” 

He paused. “Only a few days.”

“A few days? A few days!” You balled your fists. 

“I was doing fine. I was fulfilling my duty on this mission.” He replied.

“If this was your duty, then I should have paid more attention to what they were using for.” You began to pace around.

“I took on the extra work.” He admitted quietly. “The team needed the help. I knew I could get it done faster than any of them could.”

“You could have burnt yourself out. Literally.” You said.

“The risk was low enough-”

“There was risk!” 

“No different than combat risk.” He finished. 

“Then why did you do it?”

“I’m designed for taking risks. I’m a combat AI. What do you expect?” He grew angry again.

“Then why didn’t you think about how it would affect me?” You shouted.

The suit shuddered again. You reached your hand out and brushed his plating. It was still warm, but no longer burning. You pressed your hand against it.

“You weren’t. . .” he began. “You weren’t a part of the equation. You weren’t involved in this operation at all. I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“I’ve missed you.” You pulled yourself to him and pressed your forehead against his plating.

“I never left.”

“No, but you weren’t here.” You whispered.

“I-”

He stopped. You could almost feel the electricity of his artificial synapses snapping together in realization.

“. . . I suppose I wasn’t.” He murmured.

You pulled yourself away from his frame and climbed the pilot ladder. The platform at the top was a bit of a mess of wires and diagnostic tech, but you found a spot and sat down anyway.

“It’s okay.” You said, wrapping your arms around your knees. 

From here you could see the crystal glow of his interior. You couldn’t enter, not right now, not with all of the wires and cables hooked up. But just the sight was good enough.

“. . . I don’t get what I did to deserve you.” A-35 mumbled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked.

“You’re so thoughtful and kind. I don’t understand it.” He said.

“Maybe,” you smiled, “it’s because you’re worth it.”

“Even when I’m snappy and foolish and generally unpleasant?”

“Then it means I need to remind you to take a break.”

“Oh, perhaps.”

You both laughed a little. You leaned against his frame and closed your eyes. You could feel his warmth and electricity in the air, something you had been missing for some time.

[babyybitchhhwrites]

Aizawa x Reader 18+

Title: Easy Come

Rating: Explicit/R-18+

Words: 4914 

Warnings: established relationship, 69 position, oral sex, cunnilingus, anal fingering, competitive sex 

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674393

♥♥♥♥

Peaceful evenings at home with Shouta were the best. It was easily the highlight of your week and had been for the last year since you’d started dating. He was such a busy man that just finding the time to be together was often difficult but, somehow or another, the both of you made it work. There wasn’t a single thing in the world you’d trade this time for and you suspected he was in full agreement with that sentiment. He hadn’t come right out and said as much but he may as well have.

The tranquility in his demeanor when it was just you two was impossible to miss and such a stark difference from how he was in public that you couldn’t help wondering how many other people knew this side of him. You had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t many. Although a good man through and through, Shouta didn’t exactly have a reputation for being easy to get on friendly terms with. A tough nut to crack would likely be a good metaphor but you cherished that part of him more than you could put into words. It just made the soft spoken endearments and late night cuddles all the more meaningful. Of all the potential partners he could have chosen, he’d picked you and that had to count for something.

“What are you in the mood for tonight?” 

You thought about that for a moment. “Surprise me.”

Issuing a good natured scoff, Shouta picks up the remote from the nightstand and turns on the TV. 

You could hear him clicking through multiple screens to pull up an almost endless list of movies that were available at just the touch of a finger while you finished getting ready for bed in the attached bathroom. His apartment was starting to feel more like home than yours did and a smile touches your face when you looked down at where your toothbrushes were nestled together in the same holder. That something so small and insignificant could hold so much weight still took you by surprise even now but you were slowly getting used to it. He’d been very open about wanting you to make a space for yourself once the relationship reached the point of being serious whereas you’d had plenty of lingering reservations. Past hangups and all that.

But you were both slowly moving forward together as a couple and you felt good about the future. Everything seemed to be falling into place one piece at a time, against all odds and, perhaps, your better judgement. Only time would truly tell if what you had was meant to last though and you were determined to enjoy every possible moment with him that you could.

Finishing up at the sink, you pull a fluffy headband over your forehead to keep the hair off your face before switching off the light. Shouta glances up from the TV when you step into the bedroom. You catch the corner of his mouth hitching with what could only be amusement and it lights a mischievous spark in your chest as you cross over to climb up on the bed. 

“What’s that look for?” You tease, scooting close to give him a peck on his stubbly cheek. 

“Don’t make me say it. You know what that headband does to me.” 

“Maybe that was my intention.” 

A snort of mirth rumbles out of him as he reaches over to first tweak one of the plush cat ears sticking up off the top of your head and then further back so he can pinch at a loose strand of hair. Absently curling it around his finger, Shouta turns his attention back to the glowing screen against the wall. You sigh in contentment and lean into the firm weight of his body, listening to the click-click-click coming from the TV as he scrolls through the list. You’re positive that this has to be pretty close to what heaven feels like. 

“Are you sure you don’t have any preference?” He asks at length. “Action, horror, romcom. Anything stand out?” 

Thoughtfully humming, you regard the screen in quiet contemplation for a moment. “Maybe something light?” 

“Romcom it is then.”

Your lips curl at the put upon tone in his voice, knowing full well he enjoys those kinds of movies more than he’d ever admit. He’d taken you to the theater on one of your first dates and you’d been surprised at his choice of film, initially writing it off as one made in deference to what you liked rather than what he liked. But then it kept happening, over and over again. You’d seen every romantic comedy blockbuster in the last year and then some, his inclination for that particular genre delighting you to no end. It was such an unexpected surprise but one that made perfect sense in retrospect. Shouta was a true romantic at heart even if he didn’t outwardly look it, after all. 

“How about this one?” He says, nudging his shoulder to get your attention.

“Oooh, a classic. Good choice.” You sit up and wiggle over to your pillow as he selects the title and starts it up. 

Setting aside the remote, Shouta reaches over onto the nightstand to turn off the light. The both of you settle in and get comfortable, snuggling close to each other with his arm curled over your shoulders and your cheek resting on his chest. It’s the perfect way to spend a Friday night with the promise of the weekend looming just on the horizon and, try as you might, you can’t shake the feeling of being genuinely happy. It was hard sometimes but so, so worth it at the end of the day.

You don’t make it very far into the movie before the close proximity with him overrides your wish to simply relax though. It’s near impossible to keep your mind out of the gutter when the clean, soapy smell of him is surrounding you like this, invading your nostrils and leaving a vaguely reminiscent taste of him on your tongue. The rhythmic rise and fall of his breast just under your cheek serves as a silent reminder of the densely packed muscle his lithe frame carries. With it comes the memory of how it feels to have those same muscles heaving against you, driving into your body and working you over right to the breaking point. 

The desire you harbor for Shouta had not waned at all in the last year. If anything it had only gotten stronger. Just lying next to him in bed was enough to make you want him and you squirm, squeezing your thighs together in an attempt to stave off the growing heat there. But it’s no use. Your urges are simply too strong where he’s concerned and you can feel yourself starting to get wet, particularly when the steamy sex scene with the leading actress’s soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend starts up on screen. Shouta had taken you in similar fashion down in the apartment complex's laundry room late one night when you’d first started staying over for extended periods at a time and the thought alone is enough to make you ache. 

He shifts beside you the third time you start to squirm, a wave of pleasant tingles erupting across your skin when he tightens his hold around your shoulders and pins you against his side. He’s strong enough to crush you in his arms if he felt so inclined and it makes your breath come a little faster. A little harder. The notion of letting this scratch go unitched doesn’t even cross your mind as you grasp at the plain black t-shirt he’d put on for bed, tilting your pelvis forward to discreetly grind into his thigh. You had to have him.

“Don’t tell me this is getting you riled up, kitten.” Shouta murmurs, the reverberation from his deep voice making your head feel like it’s vibrating. “If you’d wanted something a bit more explicit, all you had to do was say so.”

“No … this is fine.” You quietly assure him. The somewhat breathless quality of your words makes a shudder race up your spine and you arch, stretching your legs out to wind them around his. If you could get any closer you’d be on top of him by now and you can’t quite convince yourself that it would be such a bad thing. 

Noising a muted sound of agreement, Shouta obligingly angles his body away from the TV and towards you. The rough pads of his calloused fingers give you a brief squeeze before tracing lazy circles into the meat of your upper arm. You tilt your head back to peer into his face, a mere hair's breadth from yours, and for a small eternity it's as if you’re simply passing the same oxygen back and forth. Every exhale feeds into the next inhale, his breath mingling with yours until you can’t be sure who's is whose anymore. Then, finally, he closes the distance. 

His lips are slightly dry against yours, they always are, but it’s nothing a quick swipe of his tongue won’t fix. The second kiss is more demanding than the last and you all but melt against him, opening your mouth to grant him the access he seeks. A needy moan tries to claw its way up your throat when he slips into the hot, wet cavern of your mouth for a taste only to pull out a regretfully short moment later. You try to follow him, eager to give yourself over, but Shouta’s attention drops to the spot between you two instead.

“What’s got you so worked up tonight?” He brings the arm that’s not wrapped around you forward, giving your breast an idle squeeze through the thin cotton of your shirt, and you keen.

“You. It’s always you.”

“Is that so?” He says with a mirthful snort. Adjusting his hand, Shouta brushes his thumb over the pebbling peak of your nipple in taunting slow motion until you whine. “Am I really that good or am I just lucky? What do you think, kitten?”

“Both.” You croak, jutting your chest towards him for better access. “I love what you do to me and that makes you lucky.” 

“Can’t argue that.”

A genuine smile graces his face, highlighted by the glow from the TV. You’ve completely forgotten about the movie by now, its low chatter mere background noise as you focus in on Shouta and how he makes you feel. His hooded gaze is still locked on your chest and you watch with bated breath when he delicately takes your nipple between his fingers, rolling the bud to stiff attention. The resulting friction makes your pussy clench and tingling warmth spreads throughout your body to set every nerve ending on fire. You draw a slow breath to try and ground yourself. It doesn’t work but, to be fair, you hadn’t really expected it to. 

Shouta looks up at the sound though and you exchange a long look with one another. Keeping his eyes on your face, he pulls at your top until it's bunched under your chin and your nipples immediately start to pucker in the open air. Moaning softly, you watch as he dips his head to catch one of the meaty nubs in his mouth and suckle. He starts off slow and gentle but gradually increases the suction he’s applying until you finally gasp and writhe against him. 

He comes up off your tit with a dull pop. The quiet breath he lets out fans across spit lathered skin, making your nipple pucker all over again and even stiffer than before. You seeth and blindly reach behind him to worm your hand into his dark plaid boxers. Pausing long enough to give his ass an encouraging squeeze, digging your nails in for good measure, you work your way towards the front of his body so you can grasp the half hard length between his legs. Wiry pubic hair tickles your knuckles as you subduedly pump at him, teasing him to full arousal while he idly flicks at your nipple with his index finger. Despite the thrumming arousal pumping through your system, it seems neither of you is in a hurry to rush this and you can’t say you have any complaints about that.

“Was it the sex scene in the laundry room?” He husks after a long moment. 

“It certainly didn’t help.”

“Hmm. Maybe we should revisit that later. You might have an unrealized kink for having your pussy ate on top of a washing machine, sweetheart.” 

You outright laugh at that. “ I think I just like having you go down on me period. The setting doesn’t really matter.”

Issuing a low, rumbling growl, Shouta drops his arm to worm his fingers between your pliant thighs and possessively cup your pussy in his hand. “Is that what you want? Want me to eat you out until you’re screaming and begging me to stop?” 

Your breath hitches with a little gasp. “God, yes …”

He takes a moment to grind the heel of his palm into the apex of your slit, applying just the right amount of pressure to leave you desperate for more. Then, too quick for you to react, he rolls over onto his back and drags you on top of him so that you’re half sprawled out across his chest. Your pulse jumps at suddenly finding yourself nose to nose and you brace your palms on his firm pecs, intending to give him some breathing room. Shouta is fast though, much faster than you, and he brings his hands up to catch your cheeks before you can retreat. He pulls you into another deep kiss, the stubble on his chin abrasively scratching your skin in the process. You shudder at the dominant gesture, feeling your cunt gush more sticky slick to coat your labia as you moan wantonly into his mouth. His ability to drive you wild was as profound as it was unfair. You’d have to make sure to pay him back for this later.

“Turn around.” He grunts upon pulling back just enough to speak. “And pants off.” 

A sharp swat to your ass has you practically vibrating with eager excitement as you carefully stand up on the bed and start shimmying your sleep shorts down your hips. Shouta watches you with nothing short of barefaced interest, his hands coming up to caress the soft skin of your legs where they’re bracketing his ribs. One foot at a time, you cautiously step out of your bottoms and toss them over the edge of the bed before turning to face the TV. You glance back over your shoulder with a sly grin, giving your behind a taunting little shake. 

“Like this?”

He snorts. “Come here before I decide to punish you, kitten. You already know exactly how unpleasant I can make this for you.” 

Your pussy tightens at the playful threat which ultimately only succeeds in exciting you all the more. You’d rather not endure another one of Shouta’s infamous edging sessions though and you lower yourself down onto your knees, fighting back the anxious flutter in the pit of your gut that always accompanies this particular position. No matter how many times you do it, shoving your ass in your boyfriend's face will probably never not be an awkward experience. 

It’s clear as day that Shouta doesn’t mind it one bit though and he loops his arms under your thighs so he can take your waist in hand and guide you into place. The fact he actually pulls you closer doesn’t come as a surprise and you wait with bated breath for him to deem your positioning satisfactory. You start slightly just a moment later at the tickle of his coarse hair on your inner thigh, unable to shake the feeling that he’s nose deep in your pussy like this. It’s a bit embarrassing but somehow thrilling at the same time. A real conundrum.

“There.” He says at last, stilling behind you, and you shudder at the sensation of his breath on your skin. “Remember what you asked for, kitten. I won’t stop until you’re screaming.”

“You would’ve done that anyway, whether I’d asked for it or not …”

He chuckles faintly in response. “That’s true.” 

You start to smile, that undeniable spark of genuine happiness making itself known again. But then you feel him lean close and your mouth warbles, dropping open with a silent groan instead as you brace for the first expert stroke of Shouta’s tongue. It doesn’t come right away though and he takes his time merely nuzzling into you, placing wayward kisses along your puffy slit and taking deep breaths of your scent. A slow moving tremor works its way up your spine, causing you to shake and clench your pussy in anticipation. The suspense alone was enough to make you start begging.

But Shouta knows exactly how to tease you to vibrating fever pitch and giving him any more ammunition to work with would just be inviting one of his drawn out games so you stay silent, biting down on your lip when you can feel the word ‘please’ bubbling to life inside your throat. He’s as aware of the underlying tension as you are and he grunts against your cunt. Dragging his palms up the backs of your thighs, he reaches up to squeeze the doughy soft flesh of your ass and spread your cheeks apart, baring you fully to the room. You whimper, unable to hold back such an instinctive sound when you’re totally exposed like this, and Shouta’s lips curl against your labia. 

Apparently pleased with that, he presses his lips to the center of your slit and kisses you. The ministrations of his mouth are hungry and demanding, the friction of his facial hair against your petal soft folds leaving a burning trail in its wake while he works you open. You sway slightly on your knees, eyes slipping shut as you bask the sensation. 

His tongue emerges a brief moment later and you give your hips an encouraging wiggle when it slips and slides through your wet cunt lips in search of your entrance. He takes his time just circling the rim, lapping up the accumulated slick and swallowing the taste of you before delving in deeper. Your muscles contract at the slimy intrusion, fluttering in delight, and you teeter forward to brace your hands on his sharp hip bones so that you can better present yourself to him. A rumbling groan rises up behind you, the vibrations traveling through your pussy, and you twitch in pleasure. 

“Mmm … that feels good, Shouta. Do you like how I taste that much?” 

You receive an incoherent grumble in response and it makes you smile. 

Cracking your eyes open, you glance down at the straining tent in his boxers. Knowing you could never leave him hanging like that, you lift your hand to tug at the cotton. Inch by excruciating inch, you push it lower until his hard cock pops up into the air with an enthusiastic bounce. He tenses underneath you, just enough for you to notice, and you tuck the elastic waistband under his balls before taking him in hand. A slow pump is all you reward him with at first but then, as if sensing your intentions, he withdraws his tongue from your body in favor of licking his way down to your clit. Your grip on him eagerly tightens and you rear back, grinding your pussy on his face. 

The resulting grunt of pleasure goes straight to your head and you do it again. Dragging your cunt across his mouth and no doubt smearing your arousal on his skin, you give Shouta’s cock another tug that makes the foreskin bunch at the tip. He issues a rumbled warning and pulls back just enough to speak.

“Watch yourself, kitten. We can still do this the hard way.”

With that ominous reminder, he dives back in. Shoving his face so deep into your cunt that it's a wonder he doesn’t suffocate, Shouta works the meat of your labia open again and his tongue darts out to lash at your clit. You go ramrod stiff on top of him, twitching and shaking like a leaf at the sharp starbursts of pleasure that shoot through your nerves. It’s enough to make you freeze up, so overwhelmed by the sensation that you almost overlook the very obvious challenge he’s presented you with. 

You’ve played this particular game with him more times than you could count though and, through sheer force of will alone, you start to pump him in earnest now. It takes a staggering amount of concerted effort to do it but if it's another round of who-can-successfully-distract-who he was looking for then that’s what he’d get. 

Lowering yourself so that you can lie down on top of him, you angle Shouta’s cock towards your mouth and seal your lips around the head. Your free hand travels further south, curling around and cupping his balls so that you can massage them. He was particularly sensitive in this area and, just as expected, the muscles in his legs jump at the first gentle squeeze. You feel real proud of yourself for all of five seconds before he retaliates by closing his mouth on your clit and sucking. Hard.

You come up off his dick with a half strangled squeal, futilely trying to squeeze your thighs together and shut him out. It’s a losing battle though and Shouta merely tightens his elbows around your hips so that he can hold you in place no matter how much you squirm. A shock of static electricity zaps up your spine and you arch so hard that something in your lower back pops. The damp presence of reflexive tears wetting your lash line manages to ground you somewhat and, with a haggard gulp of air, you take his stiff cock into your mouth again. 

Swallowing him as far as you can in this position, you start bobbing your head and laving the underside of him with your tongue while your hand pumps at the base where you can’t quite reach. He lets up on your clit long enough to groan appreciatively and flex his hips off the bed to meet you halfway. Bending his knobby knees towards the ceiling to accommodate the awkward angle, Shouta begins thrusting into your mouth enthusiastically enough to make his balls bounce and a tinge of victory lights up inside your chest.  

It’s regretfully short lived though and you stiffen when his fingers abruptly find your slit. He wastes no time pushing one inside, giving the searching digit a taunting wiggle for good measure, and you moan around his cock. The sudden pressure on your upper wall has you clenching around him as the tension in your gut doubles and then triples. You know it's only a matter of moments until you reach the breaking point if he keeps that up but, much to your surprise, he pulls out after a prolonged beat. 

Confusion curls at the back of your mind but he’s still fucking your mouth and you can’t think straight. The drool spilling out around his cock and running down your chin is particularly distracting. All you can seem to do is wordlessly noise your bewilderment and dig your nails into his flexing hip, hoping he understands what you’re trying to say.

You get your answer soon enough in the form of that same finger, sticky with arousal, finding the pucker of your asshole. Squawking wetly in surprise, you jerk against him but Shouta hold’s fast. With one hand pulling your cheek to the side, the other applies just the right amount of pressure at the center of your entrance to sink inside your body. You freeze, feeling the muscles clench and flutter around the intrusion, but this is not the first time you’ve had your ass penetrated and it offers only a cursory amount of resistance. Your eyes start to water again, rolling towards the back of your head, and Shouta stills underneath you with his dick rammed as deep into your mouth as he can reach. 

A small eternity seems to pass and then you feel the ring of muscle give way. Once the first joint makes it through, the rest follow suit easily enough and Shouta wiggles his finger into you straight down to the knuckle. You groan in perverse pleasure, rocking forward on your knees, but the only place you can go is further down on his cock. You’re thoroughly trapped between two equally unrelenting forces like this and you can’t quite shake the impression of being a spit roasted pig. Damn him. What a devious bastard.

“That seems to have gotten your attention.” He groans, very softly, and the sensation of his lips brushing against your cunt makes you jolt. Allowing himself a strained chuckle at your expense, Shouta nuzzles into you again and your body responds with a warning tremor that he doesn’t miss. “Maybe I should start using your ass more often. You seem to like it.”

You gurgle noisily in response, struggling to swallow around the girth shoved in your mouth. 

He seems to take that as an agreement and tilts his head, slowly dragging the flat of his tongue across your throbbing clit. You shake so hard that your eyes rattle about inside their sockets but there’s nothing you can do to turn the tables now. He’s got you completely at his mercy and he was just as aware of that as you were. 

With his finger plugging your ass, Shouta takes a leisurely pace to eating you out and it very nearly drives you insane. It quickly becomes apparent that he intends to drag this out for as long as possible, which he was adept at even under the best of circumstances but it was particularly torturous in this case. Your clenching muscles gave you away and any time he felt you starting to tighten around him, he’d merely shift his attention to kissing the outer portion of your pussy until the tension began to fade. You were toeing the line of release for such an extended period of time that it actually started to hurt and you whine around him, trying to pull yourself up off his cock. He wouldn’t permit that either though and merely tightened his arms around you or jutted his pelvis up higher as needed. It was maddening in the best possible way. 

It seemed as if hours had gone by in this fashion before he finally spoke up again. “Are you ready to cum, kitten?” 

“Rrmmhrm.” 

“Are you going to scream for me?” 

“Rrmh!” You jerkily nod your head, fingers fisting in the sheets. 

“You’ll have to try hard if you want me to hear it while you have my cock in your mouth.” 

Groaning, you weakly jut your pelvis back against his face, urging him to finish you already. Shouta quietly chuckles, sounding more like a moan than a genuine laugh. 

He tilts his head then, slotting his mouth over your clit, and you let out a muffled wail when his tongue drags across the swollen nub with real intent this time. Every inch of your body shakes in rapidly mounting tension, the sheer force of it almost too much to bear. He holds you tight as you quake on top of him though, your chest heaving frantically against his stomach, but he won’t let up this time. Now he wants you to cum and you’re entirely helpless to stop it even if you’d wanted to. It takes everything you have to keep breathing through your nose as starbursts erupt across your vision and, before you even realize it’s happening, you tip over the edge. 

Squeezing your eyes shut, you wail around his cock. A fresh wave of drool dribbles out of your mouth as you struggle to keep your jaw open while you ride out the cresting waves of ecstasy, realizing in some far off, dreamy way that the ball gag training was really paying off now. It’s a hysterical thought to have when your mind and body were being overwhelmed with a flood of dopamine but you don’t even have the wherewithal to find it funny. You were soaring on cloud nine, somewhere far above the physical constraints of your body, and you’re only vaguely aware of your asshole sporadically squeezing his finger when you start to come back some moments later. It was the sort of transcendental orgasm you’d only ever experienced with Shouta. 

You were positive that no one else could ever hope to take you to such dizzying heights as this and you go limp on top of him with a frazzled sigh.

After a long beat, when he’s sure you’ve milked your release for all its worth, he slowly eases his hips back down to the bed. You gratefully spit his cock out, watching it bob and glisten wetly in the dim light from the TV while you try to steady your breathing. He gives you another moment or two before idly tapping his fingers against the meat of your ass. 

“That didn’t exactly sound like screaming to me, kitten.” He says quietly, the sly note in his voice not escaping your notice. “I think we might have to give that another go.”

[nev3rfound]

it’s just a nightmare : b.b

brief summary: every night, you help bucky after a nightmare. yet, during one night where the nightmare feels too real, you’re no where to be found

word count: 3.4k requested: nope, just something I felt like sharing :) warnings: none that i’m really aware of (if you find any do say!)

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website without being credited, it has not been approved to be shared by me. all rights reserved. - thank you to everyone who helped regarding the wattpad situation, you’re all amazing)

masterlistin’ /  permanent taglist

They all start the same, every night.

Bucky is standing on a beach with few around as the waves crash against the rocks, the tide nearing as the sun begins to set. He can feel the warmth against his skin, the light glistening off his metal arm. And then he hears it, the angelic laughter echoing through his mind as he turns to his right, seeing you.

You’re in a sundress without shoes. A sight unknown other than in Bucky’s dreams.

“Bucky!” You call out joyfully, waving to him as you giddily run away from the waves as it nears your feet. “You coming or what?” He listens to the quirk in your voice, how you radiate happiness as you smile to him, only to him.

As always, Bucky takes a step forward and can feel himself nearing you. You’re just out of reach when he’s stuck, unable to move his feet.

“Doll?” Bucky quivers as he looks down, his feet sinking into the sand as you continue to play in the water, splashing around. “Y/n?!” He yells for you, but you can’t hear him, you can’t see him.

After his attempts at fighting the sand, he shuts his eyes, accepting his fate. But then you release a blood-curdling scream, and Bucky tries to use any energy left to get out and find you.

Sadly, he knows this opening sequence to these nightmares all too well. Bucky won’t ever see you again.

The scenery around Bucky quickly changes. Sunlight has been blocked out by wooden boards covering any and every window or gap in the beams, he feels cold and damp as water drips from his clothing.

“He’s awake?” A deep voice questions from behind the shadows, but Bucky is too tired to try and focus on them as his eyes continue to drop against his better judgement.

As his eyes continue to close, Bucky listens to the sound of footsteps approaching him, and those words being listed off.

“No, please,” Bucky pleads, looking up as Zemo stands over him with the book in his hands, pacing around. “you don’t have to do this.”

Zemo pauses, glancing over his shoulder to see Bucky fighting against his restraints, fists clenched tightly. “Oh, but we do, soldier.” Zemo sighs as he continues to list off the trigger words. “We’ve got so much planned for you, James.”

Bucky closes his eyes as he yells out in pain, feeling venom coursing through his brain overriding his self-control until he snaps.

“Soldier?” Zemo shouts, and Bucky lifts his head up, easily breaking the restraints as he rises to his feet in front of Zemo.

“What are my orders?” Bucky coldly asks, now blank before his new master.

“Kill the Avengers, every single one.” Zemo smiles as Bucky nods, turning around toward the weapons displayed for him. “Spare no one, Soldier." Zemo adds. “Not even the girl.”

*

“Bucky? Bucky, can you hear me?”

Bucky can feel a hand resting on his shoulder whilst the other is against his cheek, stroking along his jawline as quiet mumbles follow.

“You’re okay, it’s a nightmare.”

Opening his eyes, Bucky can feel his heart beating rapidly against his chest and is convinced you can hear it. Focusing on your face, he reaches up, cupping your cheek as you lean against it.

“You’re okay, I’m okay.” You add quietly with a soft smile as Bucky continues to pant. “Breathe with me,” You whisper, slowly helping him calm his breathing and heart rate.

Sweat lines Bucky’s forehead as you keep your focus on him, ensuring his remains on you. “It, it was bad.” Bucky mutters as his teeth chatter, forcing himself upright against the damp sheets.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready.” You remind him, something you often interrupt his dark thoughts with when you find him like this.

Your soft words are something that Bucky will always be appreciative of, even if he can’t vocalise those thoughts to you.

Shaking his head, Bucky leans away as he runs his shaking hands through his matted hair. “I, I was him.” Bucky quietly states as his eyes remain fixated on his fists clenching the bedsheets in front of you. “They, they wanted me to do things again.” Information comes in short sentences as Bucky tries his best to explain whilst you listen in silence.

“But you didn’t do it, Bucky.” You whisper, resting your hand over his flesh one as it softens beneath your touch. “That isn’t you anymore.”

Closing his eyes, Bucky can’t help but fall back into his pillows and exhales deeply. “It just feels like I’ll never be normal, you know?” He glances up to see you chuckle, nodding in response.

“Hey,” You squeeze his hand lightly, making his attention shift to the gentle smile on your face whilst your eyes harden. “you’re getting better, Bucky. And trust me, normal is overrated.” You shrug a shoulder and listen as Bucky lets out a short laugh.

“What would I do without you?” Bucky thinks to himself as you sit before him, listening and helping him after yet another nightmare.

“What’d you wanna do?” The same question Bucky hears every night as you rise to your feet and rub your eyes, removing the sleep still lodged in your inner corners. “We could go for a walk, or get some food?” You try to suggest alternatives each night, ignoring the fogginess of your brain.

Yet, despite your best efforts, Bucky can see how tired you’re becoming. “How about we just try and sleep?” The suggestion is almost whispered as Bucky still worries the day will come where you’ll say no and leave him alone.

Without verbally responding, you hold your hand out and guide him down the hallway into your bedroom.

There was something about your room that made Bucky feel calm within an instant. Whether it was the soft smell of peppermint and lavender or your company alone it made him feel more secure.

Lying down in your bed, Bucky follows suit and curls up into your silk pillowcase as he faces you. Even though the lights are out, he can still make out the curves of your face as you begin to fall asleep.

“G’night Bucky.” You sleepily mumble as your body shuts down, missing the chuckle leaving Bucky’s lips as he leans closer, kissing your forehead.

“Sleep well, doll.”

*

You always woke up alone, a slight indent remaining from hours prior and a small flower placed on your bedside table along with a fresh coffee.

Since you moved into the compound and became an official Avenger, there was something you soon learnt that few knew. You discovered Bucky Barnes, the white wolf, an ex-assassin suffers from PTSD; and as a result, constant nightmares.

Steve was the only other person Bucky could truly confide in, but no one could comfort Bucky like you. It was something hidden from you, as Bucky knew it would only inflate your ego and be a running joke with Sam.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” Sam calls out as you wander into the shared kitchen with a half-empty mug of coffee.

Hearing your soft laugh, Bucky lifts his head up from his morning paper and can feel his heartwarming at the sight of the mug in your grasp.

“Good mornin’ birdman.” You mumble as you wave to Steve and Bucky. “Cap, Buck.”

“Sleep okay, Y/n?” Steve questions as you stand over the coffee machine, waiting for it to finish brewing before you add to your mug.

Letting out a yawn, you nod in response, missing the way Bucky’s shoulders sink.

Yet the action does not go unnoticed by Steve as you make some breakfast, your eyes evidently dropping with each passing minute. “Anyone wanna train this morning?” You speak up, looking at the three of them.

Sam exhales and shakes his head. “I’ve done my run with Steve, Y/n.”

“Hardly a run, Sam,” Steve mutters, and Sam scoffs lightly. “you were on lap 2 when I was on 10.”

“Who here has super serum? Not me, okay.” Sam defends himself, and you chuckle before looking to the two soldiers.

“How about you, boys?” You raise an eyebrow, and Steve looks to Bucky.

“I, I don’t mind doing some training,” Bucky answers quietly, and you nod.

“I’ll be in the training room in an hour. See you there.” You happily call out to Bucky as you retreat from the kitchen with your breakfast back to your floor.

Once out of earshot, Steve turns to Bucky, resting his arm on the counter. “What?” Bucky sighs.

“She still helping with the nightmares?” Steve questions, already knowing the answer before Bucky can bury his face in his hands. “And you still haven’t told her how you feel?” Steve comments, and Bucky simply groans.

“I wish I could, Steve.” Bucky admits as he tears his hands from his face. “But I’m scared I’ll ruin things.” It was a lot more than simply ruin the thing Bucky had with you, he didn’t want to lose you as someone in his life. You’d been there for him in more ways than Steve could ever understand.

“You could never ruin things with Y/n, Buck. She really cares about you.” Steve rests his hand on his heart as Bucky rises from the counter. “Just, don’t wait forever and miss your chance.” Steve adds as a sad smile crosses his lips before Bucky wanders back to the floor he shares with you.

*

The training with Bucky didn’t last too long. Sam came in halfway and as usual, things got sidetracked. Bucky felt uncomfortable as Sam made jokes on your stance, even though you were trying your best. You didn’t even get a chance to ask Bucky if he wanted to help make dinner before he stormed out with a sour mood.

For the rest of the day, you mostly kept to yourself. You had some mission reports to finish, and by the time you’d forced some food into your system, it was almost midnight.

You glanced over at your phone, sitting to your right on the table, just in case you saw a message from him. Yet, once you started looking at your phone, it was all you could think about.

The nights you shared with Bucky have been the most comforting nights you’ve ever had. He holds you close in his arms, but he isn’t scared you’ll break if he hugs you too tightly. You sometimes wake up before he leaves and you can admire how his lips remain parted as he sleeps, his brows furrowed and arms loosely holding you against his chest.

Time was rolling on, and with it being 1am and no noise emerging from Bucky’s room, you couldn’t help but wander to the roof of the compound with a blanket. Little did you know, it would be a slight mistake.

*

As soon as Bucky closed his eyes, he waited for the dream to begin. And as always, he opened his eyes to find himself on the same beach.

“Bucky, what’s keeping you?” You laugh lightly as you swing a beach bag in your left hand, and Bucky focuses as a ring on your finger catches the light. “The kids are waiting for you to swim, honey.” You add as Bucky tenses up, looking out into the water to see a young girl and boy splashing around together.

“I, I’m a Dad?” Bucky mumbles to himself as you glance over your shoulder at the kids before walking toward Bucky until you’re standing in front of him. 

This is different, a new dream?

“You alright, baby?” You ask him as your hand rests in his, and all Bucky can do is nod before you lean in, kissing him softly.

Retracting before he can respond to your lips on his, you smile before looking back at the kids play and laugh happily in the water. “I, where are we?” Bucky questions, focusing on you as the wind glides through your hair, some clinging to the lipgloss on your lips.

“Our favourite spot.” You roll your eyes to him. “I told the kids last night about how we used to come here for an escape, and they asked all night to come.” You chuckle. “I just can’t get over how fast they’re growing up.” You admit, leaning your head on Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky nods along, watching as the two kids retreat from the water and grab their towels. “Mom, Dad did you see us!” The boy calls out and you run forward, high fiving him as you pick up the little girl.

“You were so brave, Stevie.” You tell him as your little girl nuzzles her head against your chest. “Did you see any mermaids Becca?” You ask her as she shakes her head. “Oh, I’m sure you will next time.”

Remaining still, Bucky cannot take all this in. Married life, a family, with you?

It was something he’d obviously thought about, but never had it been encapsulated into a dream.

“Daddy! Will you come swimming with me?” Your son calls out as you all look at Bucky.

Bucky watches as the boy runs over, grabbing his hand and guides Bucky to you and your girl. “I think your Dad might’ve had too much sun, kids.” You joke, looking up as Bucky smiles softly, finally having a good look at the two children before him.

They’ve got your smile, but the little girl, her eyes are bright blue. She looks like him, just like the photos his Momma once showed him.

“Yeah,” Bucky nods along to your comment as his focus shifts to a figure emerging from behind the rock pool up ahead. “how about you guys go in, and I’ll follow?”

Both kids rise to their feet as they dart straight in, laughter following as they splash through the gentle waves. “Are you sure you’re okay, honey?” You question, snapping Bucky from his gaze as the figure becomes clearer, and Bucky can feel his chest tightening.

“I’ll be fine, doll.” Bucky smiles to you as you lean forward, kissing his cheek before following the kids, still wearing your sundress.

Rising to his feet, Bucky walks away from you and the children, nearing the figure holding the red book he wished could leave his memories.

“There you are, soldier. I wondered where you had gotten to.” Zemo chuckles as Bucky clenches his jaw.

“Not here, please.” Bucky speaks up, looking over his shoulder to see you laughing as you jump waves with the kids and falling in repeatedly.

Zemo clicks his tongue as he focuses back on Bucky. “’ Fraid not, Soldier.” Zemo states coldly as he starts listing off the words, causing Bucky to fall to his knees as he covers his ears.

“Please, stop!” Bucky is yelling, his eyes tightly shut to block it all out. But it’s useless, he can’t ignore the words as he feels himself take the back seat. The winter soldier now in control.

Closing the book, Zemo watches as Bucky stands up now void of emotion. “Mission report?” He questions and Zemo stands taller now.

“Kill them.” Zemo motions to the three of you behind him, and without a moment to falter, Bucky marches over a gun now in his grip as he aims it at your head, shooting without hesitation.

*

Crying out, Bucky sits upright as Steve stands over him.

“Bucky! Are you awake?!” Steve calls out, panic covering his face as Bucky’s eyes widen.

“W,where is she?” Bucky stumbles over his words, fear still consuming him as he brings his knees close to his chest, rocking himself back and forth. '

Steve takes a step back as tears fill Bucky’s blue eyes, something he hasn’t seen since they were kids.

“I don’t know, Buck.” Steve sighs and Bucky clutches his pillow to his chest and screams into it. The muffled sound breaks Steve’s heart, his friend this vulnerable who is usually so strong. “I’ll find her, okay? Just, just stay here.” Steve reaches out, but Bucky flinches away from his touch.

Turning away with a heavy heart, Steve wanders the halls of the compound in search for you. When he heard Bucky crying and screaming from the floor above, he knew things must’ve been bad. Before he made his way to Bucky’s room, he checked on you. Yet, you were no were to be seen. The bed still made, papers piled neatly on your desk and phone on charge.

“Come on, Y/n, where are you?” Steve thinks aloud as he stands on the top floor before hearing the faint sound of humming from outside.

Opening the door leading to the roof, Steve lets out a sigh of relief to see you on the swinging chair, wrapped in a blanket.

“It’s not nice to sneak up on people, Steve.” You call out, remaining perfectly content staring into the wilderness surrounding the compound.

Steve remains quiet as he walks up to you, kneeling as he rubs his face. Only then does your smile falter, and you lean forward with worry hanging heavy in your eyes.

“What’s happened?” You ask, trying to control your heartbeat as Steve takes your hand and guides you back inside to the lift.

Standing in silence, the blanket remains draped over your shoulders as you begin to descend to your floor. “I can’t explain it, Y/n.” Steve finally speaks up, and you look up to him as his eyes focus on anything beside you.

As soon as the doors open, you walk alongside Steve to Bucky’s room.

You don’t even wait for Steve as you open it and pause, now understanding why Steve couldn’t put it into words.

“Bucky,” You mutter, stepping forward to see him curled up on the cool tiles of the floor, a sheet covering his body as he shakes violently. Slowly, you kneel down, holding your hand out toward him. “Bucky, it’s me.” You call out softly as his eyes remain empty as tears mixed with sweat fall across his face. “You’re okay, I’m okay.”

Shaking his head, Bucky flinches as he sees you in front of him, only worsening his cries.

“I killed you, doll.” Bucky manages to force the words out through a thick sob. “We had a family, and they made me kill you all.”

Unable to fully process, you glance over to Steve who takes a step back. “I’ll leave you two.” He tells you, and you nod in response before returning your attention to Bucky.

“You didn’t kill me, Bucky. I’m right here.” You fight back your own tears as you shuffle closer to him, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles. “I’ll always be here, you can’t get rid of me that easy.”

Looking up at you, Bucky scans your face, any sign that you’re lying, that you’re an intruder. “It really is you?” He weakly questions, unable to hold himself upright as waves of exhaustion overcome him.

“It’s me.” You take his hand, resting it against your cheek as you lean into it.

“I don’t want to hurt you, doll.” He shakes his head, but you shush him as you help him sit upright.

“You won’t hurt me, Bucky. I know you won’t.” But despite your protests, Bucky refuses to believe you. “No, because I can’t see that ever happening. I care about you Bucky, I, I love you too much to let you hurt me.” You focus on the shift in his gaze as you tell him your truth.

Unable to respond, Bucky falls into your arms as his cries continue. You cradle his head on your lap, running your fingers through his hair as his cries soften.

“I think you should be somewhere more comfortable, yeah?” You suggest and Bucky nods.

Helping him to his feet, you guide him down the hallway into your bedroom, and immediately he can feel comfort invading his senses.

“Let me go get some fresh PJs.” You rest your hand on his arm, helping him sit on the bed whilst you go back to his room, allowing yourself a moment to properly compose yourself.

Whilst you’re gone, Bucky looks around at the photos on your shelves. Most of them are of you and the other Avengers, but a special few contain private memories shared between the two of you.

“Okay, here’s your pants and a top.” You hand them to him and turn around as Bucky weakly changes. If he had enough energy, he’d probably make a joke about your coyness.

Clearing his throat, you take the blanket back from the duvet and climb in next to him. You curl up against his chest as Bucky wraps his arms around you before you have the lights switched out by FRIDAY.

“Y/n?” Bucky whispers, still able to see you looking up at him with your full attention. “I love you too.” He leans down and kisses you softly, seeing you smile as he pulls away. “And I promise, I’ll never hurt you.”

----

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[eviesmyspiritanimal]

A Thin Line

Summary: When Jay starts distracting Audrey's team of cheerleaders from their practices, Audrey finds herself quite angry. However, she soon realizes that there is quite a thin line indeed between hate and love.

  “Girls! Pay attention!” Audrey cried in frustration for what felt like the thousandth time, trying diligently to regain the attentions of her cheerleaders. They were at one of their regular practices and as soon as the school’s bad boy showed his face, all of the girls would hardly listen to any of Audrey’s instructions, which made Audrey hopping mad.

  She would have ordinarily only been somewhat irritated, but this was not the first time that Jay had swooped in and distracted the cheerleaders. He always somehow found a way to make at least one appearance when they were practicing their routines, and he had no issue with flashing a little skin and sending a few leers their way when he was doing it. But he had never shown as much skin as he had today.

  At Audrey’s scolding, all of the girls hesitantly and slowly returned their attentions to their cheer captain once again. Audrey groaned loudly in frustration, glancing back at the boy nearby who had removed his Tourney jersey and the clothes underneath it so that he was bare-chested as he put on a holey tank top.

  As soon as Audrey had looked at him, her eyes went ridiculously wide at the sight of his naked stomach. Of course she did not see much of the glorious skin uncovered because he yanked on the shirt and covered it all up much too fast.

  She was pulled from her stupor just as soon as he realized she was staring. He gazed back at her with a smirk, winking as he looked her up and down. Audrey quickly looked away, trying her best not to blush, and the other girls were gazing at her with emotions ranging from mischievousness to jealousy.

  “What are you all looking so sneaky about? Let’s get to it! Come on!” Audrey clapped her hands loudly, and they all hurried to their positions.

  While they were giggling amongst themselves about Jay, Audrey cast one more glance over her shoulder in the boy’s direction. She noticed that he was now walking away. Audrey groaned, rolling her eyes and trying desperately to ignore how her stomach flipped and flopped constantly at the sight of him.

  She was definitely going to have to talk to the absolutely frustrating VK. And not because she felt drawn to him for some reason. She had to have a conversation with him because of his wicked way of terribly distracting her cheerleaders.

  Or at least, that was what she would keep telling herself for now…

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

       “Jay, stop!” Audrey cried out, hurrying as fast as she could considering the fact that she was in high heels. Jay was walking along casually, and at the sound of her voice, he paused. As she approached, Audrey could not help but notice how he gave her an appreciative onceover.

  Her stomach once again flipped but this time it was accompanied by her heart tossing itself against her ribcage repeatedly. Audrey desperately tried to tame the feeling inside as she approached him, conjuring all of the resolve she had and sending it primarily to her knees so that she could have the strength to withstand his horrible, wicked charms.

  It was one of the few times that Jay was actually out practicing when the cheerleaders were not, and Audrey had very luckily managed to catch him before the other Tourney players were out there.

  “Whaddya need, Foxy?” Jay asked cockily, leaning against the back of the bleachers as he gazed at her. Audrey narrowed her eyes, trying desperately to ignore the flutter in reply to his little nickname that he had for her ever since he first laid eyes on her.

  “First, don’t call me that,” Audrey proclaimed, and her heart almost immediately squeezed painfully at the thought of him not calling her that anymore. “And second, we have to have a serious talk!”

  Jay grinned in that frustratingly cocky way that unfortunately looked so good on him, and he moved in closer to her, officially invading her space a little.

  “What about? Us?” Jay asked, raising an eyebrow. Audrey almost giggled from the sheer nervousness and feelings that she was undergoing as a result of his sudden proximity. However, she quickly got herself together, her expression never changing. She mentally thanked her princess lessons about how to remain calm in pressure-filled situations.

  “Exactly. You have been disrupting my cheerleaders.”

  “I can’t help how I look,” Jay shrugged, eyeing her carefully in that intense way, and she tried desperately not to think about those dark eyes and how they were staring into her own so hypnotically. Instead, she chose to focus on how irritated she was with that ridiculous answer that he gave her.

  “You may not can help how you look, but you can help where in the heck that you end up when we’re practicing,” Audrey spoke, and she was really hoping that he would not pick up on how she had just subtly acknowledged the fact that he was exceedingly good-looking.

  However, fate was cruel to her today, and he got an enormously giant grin on his face as his eyes flicked down to her mouth.

  “So you admit I’m hot, huh?”

  “I didn’t say that. Now what do you have to say for yourself?!” Audrey demanded, and Jay totally ignored her question as he kept moving closer to her. Audrey just stood her ground, not allowing him to back her up and pin her in anywhere.

  “You didn’t deny it,” he pointed out, still smiling in that smug, irritating way that made her just want to kiss it off of him. She blinked at that thought before quickly feeling the anger rising in her chest.

  “Look, you’re trying to throw me off! Shut up and let me talk!”

  “You just told me to say something,” Jay chuckled, and Audrey growled under her breath, finding herself even more infuriated with the situation as he kept pushing her buttons.

  “You know what I mean, you heathen!” Audrey accused, her voice nearing a screech as she felt her blood start to boil. The funny thing was that her attraction and the anger were starting to mix together in a steaming pot of mess.

  “So quit giving me a hard time, and quit getting in my SPACE!!!” Audrey screamed at him, almost chest-butting him as she pushed back against his advances. However, he did not move at all, and actually even laughed at her expense which only served to incense her even more.

  “Y’know, if you weren’t so adorable, that might be threatening—” Audrey swiftly cut him off, surprising both herself and him with the sudden kiss. At first, she was honestly not totally sure what she was doing with this move, but as soon as he got into it, she found herself inevitably falling into it partially against her better judgement. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Audrey reached both of her hands to grab his shoulders as she kissed him hard.

  After only a moment, she forced herself to pull away. After all, she was not through talking to him about this situation.

  “Now, you listen to me—"

  “You talk way too much,” Jay told her with a slight chuckle as he moved back in toward her. She kept him at just enough distance to shoot back her own counter to his comment.

  “You don’t talk enough,” Audrey shot back with infinitely more venom before yanking his lips against hers yet again, finding herself unable to resist the temptation that came with the boy before her.

  “I think I’m gonna have to start calling you hot lips,” Jay murmured against her lips in between kisses, and Audrey growled under her breath in reply, somehow both aggravated with and attracted to him at the same time. It was the worst and best feeling that she had ever had.

  “Shut your mouth,” Audrey scolded him, and their lips reconnected aggressively for a moment. However, he pulled away just barely to once again be sarcastic.

  “Once again, the instructions are conflicting, Foxy,” he informed her, and Audrey just barely shivered at the name, this time wrapping her arms around his neck and doing her best to prevent him from pulling away from her unless it was on her terms.

  “I knew you liked it when I call you that,” Jay commented, managing to get away as her lips chased after his own, and Audrey just groaned, rolling her eyes in the utmost aggravation.

  “Just kiss me and forget it already,” Audrey informed him, starting to feel her attraction and desperation overriding her anger and the resolve that came with it. He wasted no time in complying with her demands, and she pressed closer to him as she reveled in the feeling of it all.

  “Whoo!!! Go, Jay!” someone cried suddenly. Their lips quickly broke apart to see who had just arrived in their little bubble. Several yards away, several boys in the Tourney team were gathered with big smirks on their faces. Audrey felt her face start to grow heated with the embarrassment of being caught. However, Jay just gave them a halfhearted glare and called out to them.

  “Get out on the field! I’ll be there in a minute,” Jay told them, and they all just laughed, complying with his demands but also not hesitating to catcall and make all sorts of kissy faces. Jay rolled his eyes and looked back down into Audrey’s eyes. The princess just looked at him somewhat blankly, feeling the haze of all of those emotions back down some.

  However, she was still very much feeling fluttery as she held onto him tightly from her place in his arms. He smiled down at her in that boyishly confident manner.

  “Alright, Foxy, I got a deal for you,” Jay told her, and Audrey refocused, once again fighting the battle of wanting to kiss his expression off his face.

  “I’ll try to keep away from your practices,” Jay stated in a manner that definitely indicated that there were conditions to that commitment. Audrey raised an eyebrow, not even caring that she was still in his arms and actually finding herself quite comfortable indeed with the arrangement.

  “If?” Audrey asked, and Jay smirked. Audrey felt her heart skip a beat at the mere sight of it, and she immediately knew at that moment that she would agree with any conditions he could possibly have, not at all for the peace with her cheerleaders but for the chance to get herself further involved with him.

  “If you’ll go out with me every Friday night for this month,” Jay dropped the terms, and Audrey immediately felt her mind screaming yes. However, she could not let him have instant gratification, so she just eyed him sassily.

  “Awfully presumptuous, aren’t you?” Audrey stated, trying to keep the playfulness from her voice but knowing it had to have been in her eyes.

  “Maybe. Or at least pretty confident about your determination to keep your cheerleaders focused,” Jay told her cheekily, and Audrey sighed dramatically.

  “I guess I could sacrifice myself for the good of the sport,” Audrey spoke, and Jay grinned widely, releasing her slowly. As soon as she was out of his arms, she wanted to jump back into them and never let go.

  “That’s big of you,” Jay winked, and Audrey just huffed, rolling her eyes as she started to walk off.

  “See you Friday. Pick me up at eight,” Audrey informed him, and she could hear him chuckle.

  “Sure thing, Princess.”

[icarialex]

Who: Zoey Katz and Kassandra West

When: March 15th

Where: Zoey’s apartment

What: Kassandra seeks comfort from Zoey after running into Aurora.

Kassandra: 

The better part of the day had been spent at the beach in full disassociation mode, that is until she decided to text Zoey. It surprised her that she'd even done that, wanting nothing more than to just go drink her pain away. Or fuck it away. That's how she had learned to cope with the pain of existence, of the hurt that others inflicted. Aurora being here and revealing to her the reason why she'd broken up with her had been a slap in the face. Not to mention adding on the implication that her god-awful mother was way worse than Kassandra had ever realized. Everything about the situation got ten times worse, knowing full well that she'd hated Aurora for things that were out of her control. 

So she texted Zoey, for a distraction or for some semblance of self worth. She wasn't quite sure what it was. But like they had been for a while, the tone shifted and Kassandra found herself dangerously tiptoeing that line of 'will they won't they'. Eventually she made her way to Zoey's house, knocking on the door after sending the last text message. The second that Zoey opened the door, all rational thought was thrown out the window, choosing to ignore the pain in her head and instead wanting to numb it altogether. Without even batting an eyelash, Kassandra picked up Zoey with ease as she kicked the door shut before taking her to the kitchen counter and setting her down on it. Her next step was kissing the blonde heatedly on the mouth, one hand between their bodies to tug on the hem of her shorts while the other gripped gently at the back of Zoey's neck. This probably was a bad idea. Probably.

Zoey: 

Zoey’s mind was a jumbled mess, but she was thankful that she had the distraction of taking care of Kass to take her mind off the thoughts circling her head about whomever arrived on the isle. Warnings went off in her mind because it was obvious how much the person still had some sort of hold over the brunette, but she pushed them down. She believed the words Kass had told her. Even though they hadn’t known one another long, Kassandra had Zoey’s trust until she gave her a reason to take it away. So, instead she focused on grabbing some take out from Wish You Were Beer after making sure to grab Nugget from Kass’ room. Comfort food definitely sounded like a burger, some mozzarella sticks, and French fries. She got a side of onion rings with her own just to add some variety. She wasn’t home long at all when she heard the doorbell ring. She had just enough time to set the food down on her table before making her way over to let the woman in.

The greeting she got wasn’t one she expected at all. Per the course for them both, Zoey quickly let her hormones override her judgement and fell into the kiss. A moan left her as she hooked her legs around the woman’s thighs to keep her as close as possible. The sports bra left so much skin open to her touch which she explored for a few moments before something screamed at her from inside her mind. Perhaps the insecurities and fear she was trying to avoid earlier were to thank for her coming to her senses. Still, her body was calling her a string of unpleasant names she was sure when she managed to pull away from the embrace. “You told me to not let you go where you want this to go,” she said in between labored breaths. “As much as I hate being the sensible one right now, I don’t want you doing something you regret and making things worse.” It was such a far cry from the reasoning and everything they spoke of last time they were in a similar position, but the pace needed to remain the same.

Kassandra: 

Food was here, she could smell it and yet she ignored the hunger pangs in favor of kissing Zoey again. The woman was trying to talk her down, to convince her that she needed to stop and not let this happen but all Kassandra saw was anger and pain and hurt. All of that bled into her like a never-ending wave and the only way she knew how to get it out of her system was to let lust take over. So she'd let Zoey keep talking, her mouth now moving to Zoey's neck as she pressed open mouthed kisses to her skin, scorching her along the way to the shoulder that was exposed before sucking gently on her exposed clavicle. "Don't you want this, Zo?" Her words came out low and breathy, taking her hand to grab one of Zoey's own as she placed it directly on her chest. An eyebrow raised in a challenge as she pulled back, green eyes almost jet black at this point as she took in the sight of Zoey's tousled hair and overall attire. Gods, how was a person this attractive.

Immediately she dove back in, kissing her deeply while moving one of her hands underneath Zoey's shirt to let her fingernails scratch lightly down the other woman's stomach. 'You're a good fuck, Kass, I'll give you that'. The thought infiltrated her mind, remembering the blonde that she had invited to her room all those weeks ago. Tearing her mouth away from Zoey's, she went to Zoey's ear, nipping gently on her earlobe before whispering to her. "I want you..." Her voice was raspy, fully intending on letting out a while timed moan into the other woman's ear when another memory ruined the moment. 'My mom's going to be home soon. Make this quick'. With a low groan, Kassandra pulled back fully from Zoey now, wishing that her guilt would just shut off for one fucking night. She put her head in her hands, eyes slamming shut as she realized she'd just come in here and basically demanded something that she wasn't in the right mind to give. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." Kass whispered, pulling her head out of her hands to take a few steps backwards from Zoey, not wanting to meet her gaze.

Zoey: 

When Kass continued to try and move things forward, Zoey knew it wasn’t out of a lack of respect for her. It was a fight or flight response of some sort that she had to find the will power to push through. Her body literally felt like it was on fire. Every part of her wanted to get closer to Kass and just let go of the hesitation. The blonde was truly being honest when she said she didn’t need to wait, but the problem was, Kassandra did. In order for this to be done right, the other woman had to sort through everything that was happening first. Otherwise, whatever they could become would just become collateral damage. “Yes, Kass,” she replied. Denying how much she wanted things to progress wasn’t something she’d do. Still, what she wanted and what they needed were two very different things. 

Hearing the brunette’s voice husk into her ear literally made Zoey curse. The word fuck slipped under her breath as she tried her beast to get clear thoughts to push forward into her brain. Fortunately, something clicked within the other woman which caused her to stop her wonderfully, torturous movements. The blonde wanted to comfort Kass, but she needed to get herself together first. So, she set her palms down on the counter, closed her eyes, and counted to fifteen first. Once she felt like she wasn’t going to combust, and was instead just mildly uncomfortably turned on, she hopped off the counter and walked towards the woman. “Hey,” she said gently as she cupped Kassandra’s cheeks and locked their eyes. “It’s okay. I’m okay, you’re okay, and we’re okay. I promise. I know this is just — it’s you reacting to seeing her,” she said much more calmly than she felt.

Wanting to just help the woman feel better, she moved to intertwine their fingers and tugged her towards the table. “Come on, let’s eat. I took a guess on what you’d want since you told me you weren’t a picky eater, and I figured you’d want comfort type food right now over anything else. At least, that’s how I am when I’m sad.” Sitting across from Kass with her just wearing shorts and a sports bra wasn’t going to work though. That was just torture. “Make yourself comfortable and take out the food, yeah? I’m going to get you a shirt. If I have to look at you like this all dinner, I’ll literally explode. Okay?”

Kassandra: 

Everything about what she'd just done was enough to send her guilt through the damn roof but here Zoey was, mostly calm and still so caring. Fuck. She definitely did not deserve her. "She just came out of nowhere, Zo. I feel so blindsided. And everything felt like it was maybe going to start falling into place and then... And she just ruined it all." Kassandra sighed, looking at Zoey with tears brimming as the other woman cupped her cheeks in her hands. Letting out a deep breath, she nodded her head in agreement, thankful that this beautiful woman in front of her was so careful with her even when she didn't deserve it. As Zoey led her over to the table, fingers interlaced in a far too adorable manner, her stomach gave a loud rumble. "Oh... I guess I should eat. Haven't had anything since breakfast and that was just toast." She chose to avoid Zoey's gaze, sure that she'd give her a stern look now that she let that slip. 

Kassandra sat down in the chair, she reached forward for the burger and immediately took a very large bite. Eyes closed as she moaned softly from the taste, not even realizing just how much that was was probably going to come off as highly inappropriate. Chewing on the food, she rose an eyebrow as Zoey suggested that she needed to wear a shirt. As Zoey left the room to go get her a shirt, Kassandra looked down at her attire and was reminded that she'd gone jogging in this. Gross. Without even really thinking about it, she stood up and took off her sports bra, throwing it over in the corner next to her to-go bag that she'd left over here. Kassandra grabbed the burger once more, shrugging as she took another bite from the burger.

Zoey:

The blonde bit her lip as she tried to think of the right thing to say. It wasn’t like she was an expert when it came to love. “She didn’t ruin everything,” she said cautiously. “What happened in your past is just that, Kass. It doesn’t have to repeat itself. I can’t imagine how those wounds hurt because I’ve been pretty lucky in that department, but at the same time, I’ve never experienced any kind of passionate, need to be around someone kind of love. I’ve played it safe, and well, I can tell you it’s not all sunshine and rainbows on this end of it either,” she said with a small smile and a shrug. While she didn’t pine for a great love or was desperate for that connection that so many people spoke of, that didn’t mean she didn’t think of it. That didn’t mean she didn’t dream of it. Zoey just thought patience would eventually lead her where she needed to be. “You can still do everything you wanted to do when you talked to me. You can work on yourself, you can face those demons, and I can be here when you’re ready. None of that has changed. All that has is that she is now in your zip code.”

“I swear to the Gods, Kassandra West. You need to take better care of yourself if you don’t want me pestering you all the time,” she said with a shake of her head as she made her way towards her bedroom. She nearly stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of a moan, but kept herself in check. Instead, she walked a little faster. For the second time she found herself searching through her drawers for a shirt to lend to Kass, and smiled when she landed on a Pikachu one from one of her many trips to Japan over the years. It was comfortable and adorable, so she settled for that one and headed back into the living room. However, when she caught sight of the woman, she literally froze, inhaled through her nose, and closed her eyes. “Kass,” she said loud enough for the woman to hear. “I don’t know how you see yourself, but I need you to listen to me. You’re so much more to me than just your looks, but holy macaroni Kass, you’re also someone I find so incredibly beautiful. I’m not used to being this attracted to someone that I literally don’t want to keep my hands off of you. So, please, until I can actually do that without messing up anything between us, keep your clothes on.” She ended on a huff as she balled the shirt up and tossed it at the brunette’s head from where she stood. She just arched an eyebrow, crossed her arms, and made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t taking another step forward until Kass was clothed. Her will power would honestly shatter if she didn’t stay rooted where she was.

Kassandra: 

Mid-bite, Kassandra found herself being called out to by Zoey. Opening her eyes in response, she saw the other woman's face with her eyes closed and what looked like a blush tinting her cheeks. Kass smirked at the arched brow, the defensive stance. All of it made heat pool in her belly but then she got smacked in the face with a shirt and remembered that she was standing in Zoey's kitchen with nothing on her top half. Taking another bite of the burger, she chewed it thoughtfully as if weighing her options, noting how the artist seemed to be making no forward momentum to get any closer to her. A pout appeared on her face as she set the burger down. Grabbing the shirt that had fallen to the ground, she began taking steps towards Zoey knowing full well that she was probably going to get a glare. As she passed by the table, she reached out and grabbed a mozzarella stick.

It didn't take long for her to be standing in front of Zoey, a smirk on her lips at the height difference. She was well aware of what was eye level with the other woman. "Holy macaroni is only ever going to be cute when it comes from your lips, babe. Now as for the clothes--I'll put on the shirt. But first, I'm going to need you to eat something. You look absolutely famished. I think I might have even seen a little bit of drool." Kassandra's smirk widened, moving her t-shirt so it was laying along her left shoulder before bringing her now free hand up to trace a thumb along Zoey's lower lip. "Now," She started, holding up the mozzarella stick to wag back and forth in front of Zoey's face. "Can you please make sure you eat something so I can put this shirt on? It's getting kind of nippy in here." Kassandra smiled, a challenge written all over her face, knowing full well that she was being a brat.

Zoey: 

The blonde should have known that Kassandra would do something to further tease her. It was the woman’s M.O. She’d warned Zoey on their date that she hadn’t even seen the tip of the iceberg when it came to her teasing, and well, the brunette was certainly right. Standing in front of the artist still shirtless, was just downright cruel when she couldn’t do anything about it. Still, blue eyes opened when she heard Kassandra’s voice much closer than it should be. “What I look is incredibly turned on,” she retorted back. Zoey lost all shyness as she allowed her blue eyes to very obviously take in everything of the beautiful woman before her. When she’d last seen the brunette naked, she’d been so upset that the artist didn’t allow herself to take in as much as she wanted. It felt like she was taking advantage of the situation. “You’re not making it any easier for me to not drag you into my bedroom right now and let you have your way with me.”

Still, as always seemed to be the case with them, Zoey found herself wanting to play the game laid out before her. So, with boldness she didn’t know she possessed, the blonde said, “bring it closer then,” as she grabbed Kass’ hips and tugged her forward until their bodies touched. Slowly, she took a bite of the offered mozzarella stick, and as she chewed she allowed her hands to glide from the woman’s hips to land on her butt. “Is being closer to me keeping you warmer? Although, I have to say, the effect the cold has on you is something I really enjoy. I might have to just pay a higher electrical bill to keep my house colder at this rate.” The artist gave the flesh beneath her a palms a squeeze before sliding upwards again. They teased Kass’ ribcage and paused for a second on the side of her breasts before going back down to the safety the woman’s hips offered. “I took a bite. Is that satisfactory for you?”

Kassandra: 

The temptation to give into the other woman's words was a struggle but for some insane reason she managed to behave herself. "You couldn't drag me into that bedroom if you tried." Kassandra teased sweetly, knowing full well that while Zoey couldn't do that physically she could definitely just look at her with those eyes of hers and the brunette would be insta-goo. Before she could even remotely know what was happening, Zoey was pulling her closer and suddenly she felt her mouth go dry. Their bodies were now pressed together and--wait--was that a hand on her ass? Blinking slowly, Kassandra looked down to make sure and yes, indeed, that was a hand on her ass. At Zoey's next quip, Kassandra rolled her eyes. It was absolutely adorable that she was somewhat corrupting this blonde or at the very base level of helping her explore her sex-drive side. Never had an orgasm that wasn't self induced? How had she even lived? She hadn't. That was the answer.

Kassandra snorted as Zoey took a bite, going back to her all-too innocent self. So instead of giving a retort, she just nodded triumphantly and extracted herself from the other woman's tangle of limbs. Popping the rest of the mozzarella stick in her own mouth, she grabbed the shirt off her shoulder and threw it on. A smile crossed over her face until she looked down and saw what exactly was on the shirt. "You're kidding me. Zoey. Zoey." Kassandra growled, mostly in a teasing manner and then did a half-hearted attempt at a whine. Even added in a foot stomp for good measure. "I'm a badass. You can't really expect me to wear a Pikachu shirt." Kassandra groaned, moving so she was bending over to rest her forehead on Zoey's shoulder. "A Pokemon is touching my tits. I don't know how I feel about this."

Zoey:

“If I stripped my clothes off while walking to my bedroom, I’m pretty positive you would follow,” she retorted back with a playful roll of her eyes. When Kassandra was clothes again, Zoey was able to relax a little bit. Honestly, at least when she was partially naked around the brunette it had been by accident since she didn’t expect a visitor at such a late hour. What Kass did was deliberate and just downright mean. She’d get her back eventually. While sweet and innocent, that didn’t mean Zoey could just let gauntlets be thrown and not respond. However, she definitely giggled at Kass’ reaction to the shirt she’d gotten. “Sorry to break it to you sweetheart, but you’re kind of with a girl that draws anime and comics for a living. Cute shirts are part of my wardrobe. Plus, I like you in my clothes.” The with part of her comment could be taken as either they were dancing around something or were just physically together at the moment. The blonde tried to convince herself she didn’t care about one more than the other.

“So vulgar,” she teased as she turned her head to kiss the woman’s cheek. “Now come on. I actually am hungry and want to eat. Also, I can’t believe you’ve ignored your sleeping puppy for so long.” She shook her head playfully as she moved to the sofa and rubbed Nugget’s stomach. It had sort of become the puppy’s permanent space in her apartment, and Zoey loved it. She bent over to place a kiss on his little nose before moving to unpack her own food from the take out bag. “All insane sexual tension aside, are you okay? Can I do anything besides turn you on to help you feel better?” Obviously she was skilled at taking the brunette’s mind off of things, but she did was to help make things easier for when they weren’t together too. She took a bite of her burger and danced in her chair slightly as she waited for Kass to join her.

Kassandra: 

"I said tits," Kass said with a sigh, moving to pet her puppy for a moment before giving him a kiss on the head as she moved past him to go back to the table. "That's not vulgar, you're clearly just a prude." She waggled her eyebrows for a moment before tapping her chin thoughtfully with a finger. "Actually I take that back. No prude would have just grabbed my ass. Somewhere underneath all of that adorable blonde hyperactive sweetheart thing you've got going on... There's a minx. I'll find her. Sooner or later." Her body ached when she sat down, the events of the day clearly catching up to her in that moment. Picking up her burger once more, she took another thoughtful bite before answering. "I'm okay. I'm not great, but I'm okay. It was a shock to the system, seeing her again. I've had this... This picture of her in my head. That she just got to live this fairytale life with the guy she left me for. That her parents loved her unconditionally and never found out that she was ever... With me." 

"I said tits," Kass said with a sigh, moving to pet her puppy for a moment before giving him a kiss on the head as she moved past him to go back to the table. "That's not vulgar, you're clearly just a prude." She waggled her eyebrows for a moment before tapping her chin thoughtfully with a finger. "Actually I take that back. No prude would have just grabbed my ass. Somewhere underneath all of that adorable blonde hyperactive sweetheart thing you've got going on... There's a minx. I'll find her. Sooner or later." Her body ached when she sat down, the events of the day clearly catching up to her in that moment. Picking up her burger once more, she took another thoughtful bite before answering. "I'm okay. I'm not great, but I'm okay. It was a shock to the system, seeing her again. I've had this... This picture of her in my head. That she just got to live this fairytale life with the guy she left me for. That her parents loved her unconditionally and never found out that she was ever... With me." 

Zoey:

A laugh escaped her as Kass tried to explain just what she was. “Your guess is as good as mine. I’m figuring everything out with you as we go. It’s fun,” she said with a shrug. Zoey let very little upset her if she could help it. “But I’m thinking you’re right the more and more we tease one another.” Zoey continued eating as she allowed Kass to get everything off her chest. The idea of hurting someone else to make her life a little easier wasn’t something that sat well with the artist She was well aware that someone would say that she only felt that way because she was never put in that position, but Zoey was always hyper aware of the feelings of others. Her parents were actually worried about how much she could sacrifice her own happiness for that of others. It left her vulnerable and made it easy for the wrong people to take advantage of her. “I can’t say I understand. The idea of hurting you makes me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t ever knowingly do something to protect myself if I knew it would make things worse for someone else. I’d rather hurt with you than leave you hurting alone,” she said with a shrug. “I’ve always cared a lot about those in my circle. My dad jokes it’s a pack mentality thing since I shape shift.” She couldn’t help but roll her eyes playfully at that because it was such an old joke in their family.

“Realizing she didn’t do what you thought and still caring about her isn’t a bad thing,” she said carefully. The conversation was definitely a hard one to navigate for someone who also had feelings involved. Yes, she had feelings for Theo who was an ex, but they were completely platonic. They broke up because of that fact actually. Her limited dating experience made her feel very out of her depth, and she had no idea what someone else having such a grand effect on a person after so long meant in the grand scheme of things. Were there things unresolved? Did learning that things didn’t go the way they were painted to seem change things? Zoey had no idea. “Maybe talking with her when you’re ready and sorting through it more would give you what you need to not be so hurt by it all.” A closure of sorts. Maybe that was what she needed.

When Kass asked her question, blue eyes closed for a moment because she thought her words were taken innocently. After all, they were said before they dove into what was happening. Apparently not though. “You can take that however you’re ready to,” she said with a sigh when she opened her eyes again and locked them with Kass’. “We obviously aren’t officially together, but I’m — I’m not seeing anyone else, and I’m not remotely interested in anyone else. Still, I know putting a label on things now most likely isn’t the right move with everything, and that’s fine. So, you can take that as the girl you’re physically with in this moment, in this house, draws anime and comics so she has a lot of cute shirts in her wardrobe. That’s okay.”

Kassandra:

'You can take that however you're ready to'. Suddenly the distance between them felt too great, Kassandra moving from where she sat to pick up Zoey's chair despite her being sat in it to scooch it back a bit. It's not like she or the chair were heavy, making sure she didn't jostle the blonde too much. Next came clearing the food away from directly in front of Zoey, which of course didn't take too long and then finally she sat on the table in front of the blonde. Her legs dangled from the table, reaching forward with them to wrap her feet around the legs of the chair to bring Zoey closer once more. Once Zoey was back in her orbit, Kass leaned forward to tip the other woman's chin up to look at her. Green eyes found blue as she smiled gently, albeit sadly as she bit down on her lip. Air escaped her lungs in a low puff as her thumb rubbed back and forth against soft skin for a moment before she leaned forward, closing the distance as she placed her lips against Zoey's. It wasn't heated, just a soft kiss that made her heart pound in her chest until she pulled back enough so she could hold the artist's gaze once more.

"I'm thankful that you understand... That this is all a little bit hard for me. I'm not--I don't let people in. Or at least.. I haven't. Not in a long time. For the longest time... Sleeping around... Fucking a body to forget--it was all I knew. Each time I placed my hands on a warm body, my mind went to her. She was my first love. My best friend. I thought she was my soulmate. But then I grew up." She knew what she meant by that, knew that the world and the choices the people around her had made for her had led her down this path. To this person she'd become. "Every time I met someone that I was attracted to, I fucked them. To make it go away. I'd see her and I'd let it hurt. Over and over I tortured myself. And then eventually I stopped seeing her. I grew to hate her. Part of me still does despite today. Because she broke me. Even if it was out of self preservation."

Swallowing thickly, Kassandra looked down at her knees for a moment before finding those blue eyes once more. "I came here because I had nothing left. I wasn't expecting to meet anyone that made me feel something. I wasn't expecting to find you. To be honest, I'm shocked that we connected like we did. It just felt... Natural. Like... Like breathing. Like opening your eyes and you..." She trailed off, eyes searching Zoey's own as she tried to come to grips with how she felt. "Like before there was no color. I came here and I started to see it. In the people around here. In the beauty of this place. In you. But I tried so hard to not let it bleed into me." Kassandra reached down for one of Zoey's hands, bringing her knuckles up to kiss them gently before squeezing them. "And yet I slowly started to want to be better. I fucked people to avoid the truth. To avoid what I felt. For you. And the second I found out that I... That there were real and true feelings--there was no one else. Just you. And... And I know that's not an answer." The brunette cleared her throat, not able to keep her gaze anymore. "I know that my past is here in the form of my ex and I know there's history. I know some part of me still loves her. Despite all the hate. But...What I also know is that when I stop listening to my brokenness and I listen to what I want... What I want is you, Zoey. I just hope that's enough for now."

Zoey:

While she was surrounded on an island filled with people who had extraordinary powers, she wasn’t used to just being lifted and moved like a feather. A light sequel escaped her as she was moved, but she trusted the brunette more than she thought possible through the weeks they’d known one another. The kiss was sweet. So sweet, that Zoey chased after Kassandra to steal another one before leaning back against her chair. “You know, your strength is something that I know I’ll find more and more sexy as time goes on,” she said with a light laugh. While they were having such a serious conversation, Zoey still liked to add some lightness to things. It was something she always did naturally to show that even with the darkest of topics, some lightness could always be found. 

As she heard Kass explain things, Zoey just sat back and listened. She munched on onion rings as she allowed the other woman to get everything she needed to out. A smile graced her features when she heard how much Kass did want her, and that always filled her with warmth. For someone who claimed to be so broken, she did a decently good job of communicating with the blonde. That was something that meant more to her than anything she could actually explain. When everything seemed to be out, and there was an obvious pause in conversation, Zoey took a breath in and slowly released it. An easy smile stayed on her face to show that nothing was ill received. She just — that was a lot to unpack. “You know, I get the sense from how you talk about how you acted with other women that you think you’re disgusting or horrible, and that’s just — it’s not true. You never led women to believe you were offering more than you could which was a one night stand. Anyone that went to bed with you went so willingly and knowing what you wanted. That’s better than some. I can’t find it in my heart to judge you. How could I? Just you talking about your past behaviors this way proves that you want to get better. You’re so much more than you see, and I’m going to need you to be nicer to the girl I want.”

The last part she wanted to say was much harder for her to get out. She didn’t know how it would be received. Zoey bit her lip as she tried to shove her vulnerability down. “That’s enough for now, of course. I just — what if,” she started before looking down at her lap for a minute. After psyching herself up for a few seconds, she finally looked up again and finished what she started to say. “What if the part of you that still loves her is bigger than you think it is?”

Kassandra: 

It was almost comical for her to hear just how Zoey saw her. Saw her so differently than she saw herself. It was honestly hard for her to hear it, hell, to even let it sink in past the surface. All she could do was listen. Listen and look at Zoey with tear-filled eyes, nodding in some sort of agreement when Zoey told her to be nicer to herself. "I'll try," She offered gently, voice hoarse. "It'll just take some practice. I'm not really good at... Doing that." Her eyebrow raised as the blonde continued, moving onto another point that she honestly wasn't expecting to hear. Let alone think about. Fuck. So she decided to close her eyes and think. Her mind went blank, imagination running wild as she let everything go numb around her.

Two figures stood in front of her, both with their eyes closed. To the right stood Zoey and to the left stood Aurora. Aurora's frame twitched in her mind's eye, almost shifting back and forth between her sixteen year old self and the woman she'd met today. In her mind's eye she saw herself step forward, reaching a hand out for Aurora and felt a warmth before it turned cold to the point that she retracted her hand like she'd been burned. Then she turned to Zoey, hand reaching out as the warmth that she'd felt before was all-encompassing before she pressed it against the other woman's cheek. Green eyes fluttered open, blushing once she realized how she'd actually found herself cupping Zoey's cheek in reality.

Two figures stood in front of her, both with their eyes closed. To the right stood Zoey and to the left stood Aurora. Aurora's frame twitched in her mind's eye, almost shifting back and forth between her sixteen year old self and the woman she'd met today. In her mind's eye she saw herself step forward, reaching a hand out for Aurora and felt a warmth before it turned cold to the point that she retracted her hand like she'd been burned. Then she turned to Zoey, hand reaching out as the warmth that she'd felt before was all-encompassing before she pressed it against the other woman's cheek. Green eyes fluttered open, blushing once she realized how she'd actually found herself cupping Zoey's cheek in reality.

Zoey: 

“Whenever you need a little help, just come to me. My door is always open to you. I’d actually love to help you find an actual place, Kass,” she said honestly. “Moving in with me is too fast. I will not be a stereotypical female-female relationship and u-haul, Kassandra. And yes, I’ve been doing my research.” Labeling herself was not something she was comfortable doing. If she had to, she’d say she was queer since that still had a lot of freedom involved. Still, pigeonholing herself into anything just felt odd. Zoey had always been raised to be such a free spirit.

Hearing how Kassandra felt about Aurora stirred some odd feelings within Zoey that she was not used to. Positive emotions were typically what ran through her, but right then, she knew she felt jealousy. It was so strange. She learned into Kass’ touch and let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. “If you think I am under any impression that this,” she said as she motioned between the two of them with a finger before continuing, “will be easy, then you are very mistaken.” That most likely didn’t sound ideal to most people or like a dream, but to Zoey it sounded real. It was why she gravitated towards it and felt so okay with it all despite how tumultuous it could become. “I don’t want a fairytale. Now, I can almost promise you that I’ll most likely get jealous throughout you and your ex sorting things out, but I’ll try not to. Just keep me in the loop even if you think I won’t want to hear it.” With that, she stood up from where she was sitting and moved to stand in between Kass’ legs. The woman was still taller than the blonde, but with her sitting on the table, it was much less of a difference than normal. Zoey wrapped her arms around Kass’ neck and pressed a kiss to her nose before kissing both of her cheeks. “By the way, in case I haven’t been abundantly clear, I like you too. A lot.”\

Kassandra: 

A snort escaped her at the mention of Zoey doing research before she sighed in agreement. "I know I should probably go looking for a place. If you're able to help me then I'm definitely down for it. But it has to have room for Nugget because I don't want him staying cooped up in one room all day." Rubbing the back of her neck, Kassandra shrugged before offering up further information on herself. "I got my mother's money when she died. For some reason she kept me in her will. Plus I have what my father gave me and what I made over the last decade." Kassandra didn't like talking about money. It made her uncomfortable but she knew that the world revolved around it. She just didn't think it mattered how little, or in her case how much, she had in her bank account. "Anyway... I'll be good to buy something. Or rent something. I honestly do not know how the land situation works around here."

Kassandra rose an eyebrow at Zoey mentioning that she might get jealous of her and Aurora. No one had ever been jealous of her before, it was an odd feeling. And to be honest, she was quite surprised that she found herself being honored by that thought? When the blonde moved between her legs, Kass couldn't help but gulp, eyes nearly going cross eyed as the other woman got closer and began peppering her face with kisses. The blush she had on her face intensified at that, unable to meet Zoey's eyes. "You're not supposed to be so cute. Its not fair." She murmured back, placing her hands on Zoey's hips to give them a soft squeeze.

Zoey:

The talk about money wasn’t even really something that Zoey paid full attention to outside of needing to know what listings she should weed out. How much someone made wasn’t something she really concerned herself about. The blonde was more than comfortable enough with her own income, and that wasn’t something she ever thought to look at when thinking of dating. Money came and went so easily in life. That wasn’t something to worry herself over. “You can do either. It all just depends on if you’d rather rent or buy. How long are you planning on sticking around?” Zoey was relieved that their current topic of conversation made that question fit in seamlessly, but she’d be lying if she said she was only interested in the answer because of real estate. 

Staying close to Kass, the blonde laughed lightly and shrugged her shoulders. “I’m only this cute with you.” While the artist was playful and kind to most people, she did have some boundaries she only crossed when in a relationship or dancing around one. She didn’t want the brunette thinking that she treated everyone the same way. That wasn’t a nice feeling. “What else do you want to do with me today? I think you said something about you needing a shower. Would me offering to join you be too torturous for you?” She attempted to keep her tone innocent, but the smile on her face definitely gave away how mischievous she was.

Kassandra:

Kassandra felt her chest tighten at the question that was presented to her. How long was she planning on staying? Originally she only planned on staying long enough to get close to people, get dirt, and report back to daddy dearest. Now? Now she didn't know what she was doing. All she knew was that the thought of leaving and saying goodbye to Zoey left a horrible taste in her mouth. "I don't know, honestly. But I don't really want to leave you any time soon." Kassandra answered far too honestly before realizing exactly what she'd just said. Oh fuck. "I-I mean... Leave here. That--yep. That's what I meant."

Blushing furiously, a hand rubbed the back of her neck as she now promptly avoided eye contact. "Anyway... Yes, I need a shower." The idea of Zoey showering with her made her jaw drop slightly, her eyebrow raising as a wicked grin spread across her face. Just like that she'd forgotten her earlier blunder, pulling the blonde closer towards her. "You in the shower with me? I promise I'll behave. Mostly. Can't promise I won't makeout with you though." Green eyes found blue as she leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to Zoey's lips. Standing up from the table, the brunette grabbed onto Zoey's hand, tugging her towards the shower with a giggle. "How do you feel about being kissed against a shower wall...." She murmured before picking up Zoey and kicking shut the door to the bathroom behind them.

Zoey:

Zoey let herself be distracted from the first part of their conversation for a moment. However, she did squirrel the comment away in the back of her mind. It was something she wanted to touch on. However, she quickly found herself picked up and being walked towards her bathroom which put that thought on hold for a moment. “It would be a waste if we showered together, and I wasn’t pressed against a shower wall,” she said with a smile as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the brunette’s neck. It was just about the only spot she could reach from her position.

When they got to the bathroom, she wiggled out of Kass’ arms and quickly began shedding her shirt. “Just so you know, I don’t want you to leave me anytime soon either,” she said right before kissing Kass again.

Kassandra: 

A pout formed on her lips as soon as Zoey worked her way out of her arms but it quickly disappeared the absolute second that Zoey began taking off her shirt. Without skipping a beat, Kassandra reached for the shirt that Zoey had lent her, making sure to pull it off rather than tear it away given the fact that it wasn't her own shirt. She didn't think Zoey would be particularly too happy with that kind of destruction. Reaching around the blonde, she turned on the water to 'hot' before pulling back to look at the blonde. "Alright, gorgeous, you're taking too long." With a giggle, Kassandra picked up Zoey once more and brought her under the shower. Sure, they both still had the lower half of their clothes on but she didn't really care. Not with the water pouring down around them, not with how Zoey was looking at her. And as she leaned down to connect their lips once more, she pressed Zoey against the wall as steam began to fill the room. 

Showering together was the best idea.

[agentmarymargaretskitz]

Please Don’t Come Back- Chapter 4

(Head’s up- temporary character death)

Behrad looks into Gary's past, Ava confronts Rip, and Gary returns to the Waverider.

AO3

              Behrad glanced over at his sister as she slept on the little nest of pillows in the parlor. By now, Zari had to be deep into her vision quest. It was still crazy to think about how in another timeline, she’d been a Legend too. Then again, he really did need to re-evaluate his definition of crazy after the past few years he’d spent with the Legends. Maybe she could share some details about her other self when she came out of the slumber.

              With Zari occupied, Behrad could get working on his secondary task. Ava had asked him to see if he could get Gideon to pump out some information on Gary’s past. She just didn’t have the same connection he did with the AI. It was actually worth getting stuck in a time loop…almost. But he had visited her in his dreams through her matrix and gotten to know her better since then. It probably wasn’t a good idea to sleep while Zari was out, but he could still talk to her awake.

“Hey, Gideon?” he called, stepping out momentarily to the bridge. “You there?”

“I am, Mr. Tarazi. What you need?”

“I need information on Gary Green, and nothing that’s been forged.”

Gideon paused before speaking again. “Mr. Tarazi, there is a command code to access that information on Gary Green.”

“Please?” Behrad pleaded. “I know you can override it.”

“Mr. Tarazi-”

“I’ll play Scrabble in your matrix with you,” Behrad offered. “Think about it. You, me, all those little tiles. You kicking my ass with words no one has heard of.”

“People have heard of those words,” Gideon huffed. “I…suppose I can grant you a window. But I have to warn you about what you’re going to find. There’s a reason Captain Hunter buried that information.”

Documents started to appear on the console screens in front of them. Behrad chuckled.

“You’re the best, Gideon.”

“I know.”

~~~

“What are you doing here?”

              Ava tried not to look too surprised at Rip’s appearance, but she was kicking herself on the inside. If she’d just taken Gary’s file and run instead of debating grabbing her own, then she would have made a clean escape. Now she was trapped in a room with the man who had lied to her about her whole existence. If she didn’t play this right, he would get suspicious and use the memory flasher on her. Everything would be for nothing then.

“Director Hunter,” she nodded, not smiling as she pushed Gary’s real file under her arm. “Director Bennett asked me to get these file updates to be processed.”

Rip looked from his desk to the file under her arm. “Did he now?”

“Yes. I didn’t mean to barge in, but I had no idea when you were coming back.”

Rip nodded. “That’s understandable.”

“Great. So if you don’t mind, I’ll just get going!”

She started to move around to reach the door, but Rip side-stepped to block her path.

“Something that’s not understandable is that I saw you just a minute ago with Agent Green, preparing to go to a mission briefing,” Rip told her. “You can’t portal into offices of directors, so how did you sneak past me?”

“I was just-”

              Ava caught the movement of Rip’s hand on the flasher and acted fast. She dropped the file and kicked him backwards, catching him off-guard. He fell against the desk, the memory flasher hitting the floor. Ava ran forward and kicked it away. Rip made a move to fight back, but Ava was ready. She grabbed the arm that was heading for her in a punch and attached a handcuff to his wrist. As he processed that, Ava dragged him over and handcuffed him to one of the stupid wall sconces he had in his office.

Rip looked at his situation with frustration and then back to her. “Who are you?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Ava Sharpe, or the twelfth version of her that you brought back from the future and programmed full of fake memories.”

The deflation in Rip’s shoulders was satisfying. “You’re from the future.”

“2020,” Ava went over to the door, keeping her eyes on him as she made sure it was locked. “I’ve come back for a little mission regarding a certain file that you redacted. Or were going to redact today.”

“Agent Sharpe-”

“Director,” she corrected, even if she hadn’t held that title in nearly a year. “I deserve some answers today. And I might have never gone to seek them out if I hadn’t decided to do a favor for someone.”

Rip didn’t seem surprised at the title. “Well, congratulations first off. I always had a suspicion this day would come. That you would want answers for your past.”

“I do,” Ava leaned against the back of a chair in his office. “Maybe I’ll get to ask a few. But I’m not here for myself. I can understand why my file was redacted.”

“But you still wanted to steal it and find out everything.”

Ava shook her head. “Not everyone is self-centered. I didn’t come for my file. I came for Gary Green’s.”

Something changed in Rip’s body language. It wasn’t major, but a look of fear entered his eyes briefly and he stiffened. “You’re here about Agent Green?”

“In my present, certain people are rising from Hell to return to Earth,” Ava explained, not exposing too many details. “Rasputin, Genghis Khan, Marie Antoinette, a bunch of others. Gary has this notion that his father could come back too.”

Rip went somewhat pale. “If I were you, Director Sharpe, I would hope that never comes to be.”

“Well, I’m trying to assess how big a threat he’d be if he does come back,” Ava sighed. “But you conveniently erased any details on his file that would be able to help me. So what’s the deal with Gary, Rip? Hell, why did you even hire him in the first place? I’ve had to save his ass half the time.”

A snort escaped her former boss. “You’d be surprised how often I’ve been asked that. He’s more capable than he lets on. His father practically trained him to be a child soldier.”

Ava frowned.

“That’s not why I recruited him. Part of it was…revenge. One last middle finger to his father for everything he did to me- taking his son, not that he cared about Gary anyways.”

“And what was the other part that made you recruit him?”

Rip sighed. “To keep an eye on him in the event he turned out to be just like his father.”

“Like his father?” Ava raised an eyebrow. “How bad is his father?”

“Director Sharpe, just take the file and go. At this point, you might as well take yours too.”

“No!” Ava snapped. “Not until you’ve given me a straight answer. For once in your goddamn life, stop avoiding the truth. Tell me now who Gary’s father is!”

“His name is Vandal Savage.”

              The way Rip said the name made it feel like something had crawled down Ava’s spine. Everyone at the Time Bureau knew about Vandal Savage and what he had done. She had made a list of serial killers and all-around awful people who could have been Gary’s father, but Vandal Savage hadn’t been on the list. The name had come up, but she had doubted that he was a possible candidate. Ava looked at the file on the floor and picked it up to check. For once in his life, Rip was not lying.

“You think Gary could be the next Vandal Savage?” she asked, still working to accept it.

“I don’t want to underestimate the possibility,” Rip said. “His father trained him to be a killer. I would be a fool to assume Vandal Savage’s son didn’t have the same potential of evil. Those who are mentored by him go on to aid him in his activities or commit their own atrocities. If Gary ever does turn, then I plan to take him out myself. You should too.”

Ava laughed. “Gary wouldn’t…he wouldn’t.”

              She couldn’t say that he wouldn’t turn evil. It hadn’t been a year and she’d completely forgotten. Gary had given into Neron’s influence and worked with him. She and the Legends had a hand in contributing to his fall, treating him like crap and using him as unicorn bait and not paying overtime. But it wasn’t like he had gone Damien Darhk evil, just a henchman really. The way Rip was looking at her…he knew something had happened.

“Go ahead and take his file,” Rip instructed. “Use it to make your own judgement. Take yours as well.”

Ava glanced back at where hers was still sitting on Rip’s desk. “I only brought Gary’s to be replaced. It’s too late to get mine.”

“I suppose you’ll have to leave it then. Maybe it’s for the-”

“Hold on,” Ava held up a finger. “I’m not done. You redact that file but make a copy first. Leave it somewhere on the Waverider. Think of it as way to make it up to the last eleven versions of me that you thought of as disposable.”

Rip looked regretful. “I’m not proud of that and you deserve to know the truth. I’ll leave the file in the room no one goes into. Now will you please let me go?”

Ava picked up his memory flasher from the floor and put into her pocket. Taking Gary’s file and making sure it was the unredacted one, she tossed Rip the key to his handcuffs. He managed to catch it as Ava started to open the door.

“You were a good mentor,” she told him. “But you don’t care about people unless they help you achieve your goals. You did it to me. You did it to the Legends. You probably did it to Gary too. Everyone who can help you gets used, and they leave you for it. And one day, you’ll have nowhere left to run and no one to help you. It’ll be a sad ending, but you brought it upon yourself.”

Rip stared at her as she opened the door and walked out. Ava exhaled as she strode towards the bathroom. She had always wanted to give Rip a piece of her mind for what he’d done to her. Inside the bathroom, she programmed the courier to take her back to Central City and Mick just a few minutes after leaving them. Hopefully, she’d still be able to see her favorite niece.

~~~

              Behrad watched Atropos drag the golden thread from his chest. He had heard of people talking about their life flashing before their eyes, but now his life was being pulled out before his eyes. The Fate had her bone knife held back and was ready to swing down. No one was here to save him, but hopefully someone would come for Zari. This was it.

He was going to die without anyone at his side and he was going to die before he could tell Ava what he had found out from Gideon.

Behrad was going to die before he could tell her that Gary’s father was Vandal Savage.

SNIP

~~~

Stacey had tried to get him to stay another day, but Gary knew he had been gone long enough.  He had to get back to the manor and get back to his magic studies, especially with his father’s return. The Legends were going to have to be notified that Vandal Savage was back at an Encore and after the Loom of Fate as well. He didn’t even have to tell them that the man was his father…yet. But it would better they knew before he found them and let that bomb slip.

After making sure protections were put on the house and its occupants, Gary drove the car that he’d rented back to the dealership. He then planned to portal back onto the Waverider first so he could tell Captain Lance and the crew. Before he did, Gary pulled out his phone. He hadn’t looked at it for days so he could get away from everything, but he’d missed a voicemail from John.

“Hey, Gary. It’s John,” he heard as soon as he pressed play. “We found the first piece of the Loom…”

Gary listened the message twice. His heart did sink when he realized that he had missed saying goodbye to Ray and Nora. Hopefully, domestic bliss was treating them well.

“I miss you. Just…let me or someone on the ship know you’re okay, right? Bye.”

              Both times, Gary smiled at the last words. He had missed John while he was away. Whatever they were was murky and muddled, but he felt there was something there. Then again, he could just be reading into things too much. He probably hadn’t helped things with his own disappearing act. But he did want to see John again.

              When he made it onto the Waverider, a chill traveled down his back. Something was off about the ship and he didn’t know what it was. As he started heading in a direction, he passed Zari storming away out of the med bay. Mascara was running down her cheeks, so something was wrong. Gary’s gut twisted fearing the worst.

“Zari, are you-”

“Not now!” she snapped, brushing past him.

Gary watched her go and peeked his head inside the med bay. His heart sank as he saw John lying on one of the beds, eyes closed. Oh no, no, no.

“John?”

John groaned and opened his eyes. “Gary?”

“Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were dead.”

John’s face fell as Gary entered the room. “Starting to wish I was instead.”

Gary shook his head. “No, don’t say that. Not after the last time.”

“You don’t know?” John sat up with a wince. “Gary, how long have you been back?”

“Barely a minute, but I did see Zari crying. Is she okay?”

“Hardly. Her brother’s dead.”

The world stopped for a few seconds as that news sank in. “What?”

“Behrad was on the ship with Zari when- Gary!”

              He hadn’t realized he’d been falling until John reached out to grab his arms as his knees hit the floor. Gary could hear him telling him to calm down, but he was hearing his father’s voice swearing to find the Legends. His father had sworn to find the pieces and the Legends. With two of them in the same place, he would have easily taken the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

“How did he get on board?” Gary mumbled.

“He?” John frowned. “No, it was a she. Charlie’s sister, Atropos. She wanted the rings and nearly got them. Charlie and Sara got the rings, but she got away. She almost took me out too if Nate hadn’t found me.”

Gary sighed in relief not only because John was alive, but because it hadn’t been his father who had found the ship and killed Behrad. But he absolutely hated that he hadn’t been there. Behrad was not the one who should be dead right now. If he hadn’t gone off the grid for a few days, he could have been here and helped him, maybe even saved him.

“Strangest thing though,” John muttered. “I swear when I was bleeding out by the creek, someone was standing over me before Nate found me.”

The panic that had gripped Gary earlier returned.

~~~

              Lachesis pushed the soul coin to the side when she was finished with the summoning. She started studying one of the other coins she’d recalled earlier while waiting. Even when the flames started to rise up and she heard the screaming, she just kept examining the coin and how useful they could be. When the intended soul finally appeared, Lachesis glanced up at him. As predicted, Vandal Savage was furious.

“What am I doing back here?!” he demanded, striding up to her table. “I was so close to taking out Constantine!”

“I know,” Lachesis told him, setting the coin to the side. She would decide on its usefulness later. “I don’t doubt you could have slaughtered the whole crew.”

“As if your sister wouldn’t have done the same.”

Lachesis narrowed her eyes. “Atropos has restraint, something that you seemed to have forgotten during your duration in Hell.”

The dictator scowled. “I was not known for leaving a job unfinished.”

“Except that wasn’t why I sent you to the surface. I would have called you back sooner, but Atropos required your assistance in finding Clotho. But now that you’ve returned, I’m curious to know how the family reunion went?”

A smirk slid across Vandal’s face. “Gareth refused my offer. He wouldn’t turn on the Legends, but that doesn’t mean they won’t turn on him. It’ll be inevitable, but it can’t hurt to speed things up. Should I make an entrance for them later?”

Lachesis smiled. “You’re getting your touch back. You’ll get your revenge soon enough, but first we need all the rings in one place. Clotho’s doing the dirty work retrieving them all, even if Atropos is collecting earlier than she should. Once she has all the rings, then your son will bring you back.”

“Gareth’s magic is powerful, but how will you convince him to bring me back?”

“Oh, I won’t be doing the convincing,” Lachesis gave a low whistle toward the shelves where she knew the hellhound lurked. “Marchosias will.”

The man across from her took a half step back as a growl came from the darkness. No matter the evil or bravery in a soul, the sound of a hellhound drove a spike into the fear of all. Lachesis watched as Vandal recovered himself and nodded in agreement. Lachesis picked up another coin and examined it. Yes, she would be a good one to bring back.

“You can go now,” she told Vandal. “If you’re still angry I brought you back so soon, there’s plenty of people to take it out on down the street.”

“Until we meet again.”

Lachesis glanced up as he started to open the door. “How much does your son know about what happened to his mother, Vandal?”

“What does that have to do with the plan?” he sneered.

“If you want him to stay after he betrays Clotho and the others, I need to know so as not to let the wrong details slip.”

“I told it him it was pneumonia. He was only six, he didn’t ask questions.”

Lachesis nodded. “I won’t mention the truth then.”

Vandal didn’t say anything else. He just walked out the door and closed it behind her.

Lachesis picked up the next coin in Astra’s stash. Jack the Ripper would be a fine addition to the souls she would bring back.

[tiredoffeelinglost-writes-shit]

Bane x Reader fic I will name when I think of one (pt. 1?)

Pairing: Bane x Reader

Word count: 2,338

Warnings: mentions of animal abuse, horribly inaccurate descriptions about canine first-aid

A/n: This was something I had rattling around in my head based on @glycerineclown‘s Operation Spot on AO3. I might post this on AO3 but idk yet. I don’t have any concrete ideas about where it’s going but, hey, it’s going. As always, unbeta’d and feedback is appreciated. 

You knew that you shouldn’t have been out alone that late but this time, it was unavoidable. You had agreed to cover a shift for your coworker which resulted in you working 12 straight hours. Now, you knew that may not sound like a lot for some people and it wasn’t like you were a nurse or anything but 12 hours on your feet, dealing with drunk and unruly bar patrons still made you feel dead on your feet. 

Turning the last corner, your eyes found a group of people – teenagers, judging by the look of them – beating and kicking something at their feet.

Thinking quickly, you slipped back around the corner and pulled out your phone. A quick YouTube search later and you pressed play.

Police sirens started blaring from your phone speakers. All at once, the group froze, heads whipping around, then took off and left whatever it was on the ground. 

You crept closer, unsure if you were more afraid of the group coming back or of the thing on the ground. You decided the thing on the ground was probably a more pressing issue when it started moving. 

The immediate flash of fear fought to override your concern but, when you saw it was actually a dog, you pressed on. 

The dog looked like it had seen better days. He had a stocky body riddled with dozens of scars and a face marred with even more. His coat was white, save for a strange looking patch of black. It stretched over his muzzle, up between his eyes and ears, before wrapping around the back of his head, and connecting back to the color at his mouth.

His side was smeared with a brown stain that you assumed would be red in the light and there was something wrapped around his muzzle.

“Hey, buddy,” you cooed. 

The dog growled, scarred muzzle pulling and bunching into as much of a snarl as possible with the binding. Upon closer inspection, you could see it was actually a length of wire twisted and tied. 

He kept glancing back at you as he limped into the shadows of a nearby alley and, against your better judgement, you followed. You turned on your phone’s flashlight and followed the blood drops until you found him, huddled beside a dumpster. 

He just stared at you as you got down to his level. Slowly, carefully, as to not scare him, you reached a hand to the wire around his muzzle. You swore under your breath at how tight it was. 

“Okay, buddy,” you whispered, “I have to get this off but you aren’t gonna like it.” You stroked a thumb over the fur just beside the wire wrapping. Keeping your movements slow and deliberate, you reached into your bag and pulled out your pocket knife. The dog started growling at the sight of the blade and tried to pull away.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay,” you whispered. “I’m not gonna hurt you. You’re okay.” You kept your tone light. Your puppy voice, unused after not having a dog for so long, slipped through. “Okay, hold still.” As quickly as possible, you wedged a finger under a piece of the wire, not wanting to risk nicking the dog, and slipped the blade in next to your finger before slicing through the wire. All while saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over like a prayer.

As you worked, the dog sat still as a statue. It wasn’t until the wire was off that he finally moved, trying to jump away but his leg gave out beneath him.

“Whoa, whoa.” You reached for him but he growled and snapped at you. You snatched your hand back. “Okay, okay. Sorry.”

There was a stare down in the alley for what felt like forever. You broke the silence.

“You know, if you don’t bite me, I can help you.”

The dog huffed.

“Come on, let’s go get you patched up,” you coaxed, holding out your hand and gesturing to the mouth of the alley with your chin, “I’m only one more block up.” You patted your leg and gestured to the alley’s end again. 

He sat there, staring at you and seemed to be considering actually following you. Finally, he heaved himself up and followed you out.

It was slow going, him limping next to you and leaning heavily into your leg, but you eventually came to the stairs of your brownstone. With a defeated groan, he collapsed, breathing sharp and unsteady.

You rushed to unlock your door and came back down to crouch beside him.

“I’ve gotta get you inside, buddy, but it’s gonna hurt and I’m really sorry.” You spoke calmly and quietly, hoping to be reassuring as you stripped your jacket off and laid it over him. “Please, don’t bite me,” you whispered before sliding your arms underneath him. “One, two, three.” On three, you rose to your feet and cradled him to your chest. “Oof. You’re heavier than you look, buddy.”

The dog huffed but didn’t growl or snap at you.

You managed to make it up the stairs and inside without incident, kicking the door shut behind you. “Remind me to lock that.”

The dog huffed once more.

Reaching your bathroom, you placed him gently down in the bathtub. 

The first aid kit from under the sink and a couple handfuls of towels and rags ended up of the floor and toilet before you took your jacket off of him. 

“I’m gonna need to clean at least some of the blood off so I can actually see what I’m working with,” you mumbled.

You ran a washcloth under warm water and began cleaning him, rinsing the cloth periodically and continuing your process until you could see the extent of his injuries. Several cuts along his side, two close to his neck, and one on his hip leading down his hind leg. 

“Oh my God,” you breathed, “What happened to you?” Tears sprang to your eyes but you forced yourself not to let them fall. You had work to do. “Alright, buddy, here we go.”

You braced yourself when you began the first stitch but the dog didn’t so much as flinch when the needle entered his skin. Letting the tension out of your shoulders, you breathed a sigh of relief.

Two more stitches without a peep and you paused you hadn’t realized that your hands were shaking until you almost dropped the needle out of your blood-slick fingers. 

“Come on, get it together,” you coached yourself. Swallowing around the lump in your throat, you steeled your nerves and soldiered on. The wounds by his neck were tricky but he never moved. The injuries along his side were minor so you bandaged them as best as you could – considering your bandages were meant for people – and moved on to the last one.

The cut on his hip was the worst. At this point, your wet hands were shaking so bad that you were lucky to keep any hold on the small needle but you forced yourself to take your time and concentrate. 

After what felt like hours, you were finished and he looked down at his hip, as if inspecting your work. He tried to crane and twist to sniff at it but you stopped him.

“You’ve gotta leave that alone so it can heal.”

The dog seemed to grumble at that but he left the stitches alone all the same and, instead, sat staring at you. In fact, he had been staring at you since you found him. He looked wary. Almost nervous. It was like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“It’s okay, buddy,” you held out your hand to him but didn’t touch him again. “I’m not gonna hurt you. I thought we’d established that by now.”

His eyes didn’t even move to your hand, staring hard at your face. Sighing, you lowered your hand and got to your feet. 

The quiet of the bathroom was broken by your rumbling stomach. He tilted his head at the noise. Trying to remember the last time you’d eaten, you wondered how long it had been since the dog had eaten anything decent. 

“You hungry?”

At the prospect of food, his ears perked up and you couldn’t help but chuckle at the excited look on his face.

“I don’t have any actual dog food but I’m sure that I can find you something that you’ll like and won’t make you sick.” 

He stood up and looked like he was about to jump over the lip of the tub.

“Wait!”

He stopped with a paw on the edge, eyes looking up at you again. 

“Don’t fuck up your stitches, genius. Take is easy. Go slow.” Slow and easy were things that your past dogs knew and you hoped that this one understood them too.

Thankfully, he slowly – albeit a bit awkwardly – climbed out of the tub rather than jump. 

“Good boy.”

At those two words, his head snapped to you and he stopped in his tracks. The look in his eyes seemed like a mix between surprise and confusion. Almost as if he didn’t understand the words. Like no one had given him such praise before. You wanted to wrap him in blankets and protect him but, at the same time, you felt like you had broken some fragile bubble that had formed around the two of you and hoped, desperately, that you could repair it.

Cautiously, you stepped forward and ran light fingers over his head. He eyes closed and the thready whine he let out squeezed your heart. The heart that was suddenly caught in your throat.

“Come on,” you whispered, once again willing yourself not to let your emotions get the best of you. “Let’s go get some food, yeah?”

The almost-tail-wag you got in return kept a smile on your face all the way to the kitchen.

You grabbed a container of cooked chicken and vegetables out of the fridge for your companion. It wasn’t much but it was one of the few easy, dog-friendly foods you had in the house. A different container of leftover stir-fry was set to be your dinner once you made sure the dog was fed. 

It didn’t take long and, within minutes, his gaze was flicking between you and the bowl of food.

“Go ahead,” you nodded with a small smile, “It’s okay.”

Only after you had dug into your own food did the dog take a tentative bite. Apparently coming to the conclusion that it was actually good and not poisoned or anything, he practically inhaled the rest of it.

When he looked up from licking the bowl clean, you were paused with a fork midway to your mouth. A sound, suspiciously resembling a burp, rumbled out of his chest and he seemed surprised by it, if the look in his eyes was anything to go by. You couldn’t help but snort and you finished eating. 

With your dishes clean and drying, you moved into the living room. The dog followed like your shadow.

You patted the couch next to you. “You can come up here if you be careful.” Instead, he stretched out on the floor near for feet. “Or, that works too.”

Now that you were finally sitting down, you realized how tired you were, limbs and eyes heavy.

“In about an hour, I’ll check on those stitches,” you struggled to get out around a yawn. But, “about an hour” turned into a couple hours of napping and you didn’t realize you’d forgotten to lock the door until it was too late.

The men moved in silence and you woke with a hand over your mouth and a knife at your neck. Your canine companion was in the middle of the floor growling and eyes flicking from the man with the knife to something you couldn’t see.

“Why are you just standing there?” the man behind you yelled. “Grab him! Grab Bane!” Another man in a ski mask lunged at the dog. The responding snarl and gnashing teeth had him stumbling back and staying there, frozen to the floor, looking warily at the first man. The dog’s piercing eyes turned toward you. Specifically, behind you – at the man with the knife. 

He stalked forward, there was no other way to describe it. His steps were deliberate and slow, as if giving his prey time to run. Scarred lips pulled back over gleaming teeth. Gleaming, sharp teeth that a vicious growl broke through. He was terrifying. He let out a sharp bark like a warning. Both men jerked, the knife at your neck falling away. 

The dog jumped onto the couch and stood over you. The men looked from you and the dog to each other and back. Your guardian barked again and again before launching himself at the men, causing them to fall over themselves in their rush back out the door.

You sat, frozen, on the couch, sleep-addled brain whirring to make sense of what just happened. The couch dipped beside you as the dog hopped back up. When you turned your gaze to him, he lowered his head and flattened his ears. Slowly, he leaned forward and pressed his nose to the spot on your neck where the knife had almost broken skin.

“I’m okay.” Your voice shook. You cleared your throat and repeated yourself, happy when your voice came out a little more normal. After a few deep breaths, you spoke again. “They were looking for you.” His eerily unwavering gaze met yours again. “Is that your name? Bane?”

You lifted a hand and brought it up to his face but he ducked away and jumped to the floor. With a final look at you, he ran out the still-open door. You practically fell off the couch in an attempt to follow him but, by the time you stepped out onto your cold front steps, he was lost to the night’s shadows. 

“What the hell?”

Tags: @scuzmunkie

[lazywhaler]

Serious actual Dishonored 2 Thoughts

I played through Dishonored 2 completely for a second time and paid a lot more attention this time around and as promised here are some thoughts under the cut (some 1700+ words of thoughts). This post is primarily meant to be like a journal-type thing for my thoughts, but I’ve tried to organize it as best I can with my minimal writing skills:

I was initially disappointed by Dishonored 2: I didn’t play this game at launch in 2016 because at that point I had a laptop that could only run Dishonored on low graphics in low chaos. I watched a bunch of walkthroughs on Youtube, read people’s thoughts on the comments in the wiki and all the meta here. I thought, and continue to think that mechanically, and gameplay-wise it’s vastly superior to the first game. 

I was disappointed by the story which was basically a retread of the first but somehow even more simplified. (which even though I love with all my heart, come on, Dishonored doesn’t have a groundbreaking story). The Daud DLCs were so much better in that regard, that I blindly trusted that Arkane would continue to move in that direction.

The characters in this game felt a little more one-dimensional. It felt like almost all the targets were expies of characters from the first game in one way or another, and the Clockwork Mansion level seemed to say that they didn’t care.

Apologies to Stephen Russel, but Corvo’s voice acting is not good at all. Corvo just sounds like he’s staring down a long Monday at the office with a hangover. I might said that maybe that grizzled raspy voice just doesn’t work for Dishonored but Michael Madsen’s performance of Daud pretty much assassinates that argument.

Don’t like what they did with the Void or characterising the Outsider, but this one’s just a personal preference. I can see why people would like it or not care, even if I don’t. 

The story also felt much much lower-stakes than the first one. Dunwall really felt if you pushed it with a feather, it would fall over the edge. Karnaca, in contrast felt like a vibrant, ascendant city being held back by gangs and corruption. Even the bloodflies aren’t that much of a calamity.

Having paid closer attention to the story, and other peoples’ readings of this game, I’ve realised that the ‘low stakes-ness’ of Dishonored 2 is intentional.

Arkane could have chosen to show Karnaca as a city on the brink of utter collapse. The bloodfly epidemic could have been bad enough that instead of buildings, entire streets or districts had to be blocked off. I haven’t done a high chaos run, but in my playthroughs, I’ve never seen Nest Keepers in groups of more than two, in stark contrast to the pant-shitting Weeper hordes from the first game.  Dunwall was literally blockaded, so there was no escaping your fate. The docks at Karnaca are wide open for anyone who wants to arrive. This is all intentional. 

So, the stakes are low. But why would Arkane intentionally make that choice? I think they intentionally lowered the stakes so that all the instances of corruption that you encounter or hear about are thrown into starker relief

In the first game, against the backdrop of a cataclysmic plague that made life very hard for non-aristocrats, it’s pretty easy to see why the City Watch would turn to crime. The plague if not excused, at least justified, a lot of shady behaviour from characters up to and including Sokolov experimenting on healthy people. In contrast, without the threat of the city descending into utter chaos hanging over everyone’s heads, when you try and pull the same shady crap that people did in the first game, now you just look greedy. And I think this game tries to bring that theme right to your doorstep, by letting Corvo/Emily participate in making things worse.

Robbing people’s houses in this game feels a lot worse than it did in the first one. The majority of the apartments that you rob don’t belong to people who are outrageously wealthy and haven’t been abandoned. These are people who are already getting screwed over and you can help make it worse. In Lower Aventa, you get a whole cutscene with the Lady Gaga Black Market woman being threatened by the Howlers and you have the choice to rob her (very likely) after witnessing that. 

Dishonored 2 focuses more on repairing damage done rather than avenging it

A bulk of the problems that happen in this game can be attributed to Corvo and Emily not being good at their jobs and more importantly, not being a good rulers. The game highlights the moral failures of Corvo and Emily to turn a blind eye to Luca Abele’s antics and the problems in Karnaca. They fucked up and they can’t really take revenge because they played a part in it too. That’s why instead of the poetic justice fate-worse-than-death types of nonlethal eliminations from the first game, we have more, for lack of a better word, corrective, options. The Crown Killer is cured. Breanna Ashworth can’t do witch stuff anymore. Knocking out Stilton improves so much stuff and literally heals Billie Lurk. Even Delilah gets an ending that kind of rewards her for all the crap she’s been through, without letting her hurt other people. Kirin Jindosh’s elimination comes across like this, but it’s emphasized that we’re taking him out purely so that we can stop him from mass-producing clockwork soldiers, not out of revenge, For my money, the only poetic justice-type nonlethal elimination is Luca’s even if he’s not really going to be in a situation where he’s better off dead. 

But here’s the thing: even though I ‘get’ Dishonored 2 a little better now, I still think they did a terrible job of trying to convey a lot of this!

I said that I think the low stakes nature was intentional and I think there’s reasonable evidence to support that claim. But there’s also evidence to contradict it. The Outsider keeps talking about Karnaca being on the brink of collapse. So do a lot of NPCs (I’m looking at you, beggar near the Aventa District Black Market). Am I supposed to take that at face value, ignoring what’s being shown to me in favour of what’s being told? Am I supposed to be like ‘Classic emo drama queen Outsider’ and slap my knee, and marvel at humanity’s propensity to make things out to be worse than they seem? I don’t know????

People being squeezed dry by the Grand Guard on the left and the Howlers on the right, with a light garnish of Overseer harassment? Definitely something in the game. When you rob them, and especially the Black Market shopkeepers? It’s Bad. But I guess a twinge of guilt and judgement from me is all you get, because the game isn’t going to punish you. They could have really committed and made robbing the Black Markets an action that increase chaos, even if you don’t kill anyone, but that Did Not Happen.

What about Emily (and let’s not even pretend anymore that this story holds together with Corvo as the protagonist) confronting her failures as a leader, realising she’s Not So Different from Luca Abele? Well, she gets called out on it a grand total of, maybe, 3 times by Billie and Sokolov, who immediately go ‘Well anyway, here’s the next thing I want to say’ and then at the end of the game, she’s like “My time here living as a Poor has given me Perspective. I deserve to be Empress now because I Want it”. Combined with how low-stakes this game is, it feels a lot like Emily took a gap year to find herself, except that the whole thing evidently took two months. I don’t think they executed any of this stuff well. The fact that I have to question these decisions were intentional or not doesn’t bode well.

Emily kind of faces some reckoning for her moral failings, turning a blind eye to the crap going down in Karnaca, but what about her incompetence and utter lack of interest in being a ruler? Or Corvo’s failings as a Spymaster (like seriously dude, how did you not know how any of this shit was going on, so much of it was an open secret). But she barely gets called out on her disinterest in ruling and IIRC Corvo pretty much gets away scot-free with not doing his job. 

Or maybe I’ve just gotten it wrong. I study computer science. Media criticism is way outside my wheelhouse and so maybe I’ve grossly misinterpreted what this game was going for. But the one thing I’m absolutely, 100% certain about is that this game shouldn’t have been about Corvo and Emily.

Even back when we started getting details about Corvo and Emily, I was a bit...iffy about the whole thing. Their stories wrapped up pretty nicely in the first game. “Emily lived to be a wise, just ruler and things were good” or “Emily is a Murder Empress”. The end. And now suddenly it’s not. I hate it when sequels override the endings to previous concluded arcs, and I think there needs to be good justification for doing it. Arkane didn’t do a good job of it and after the wet hork of spit they lobbed at Daud’s arc in Death of the Outsider it seems to be a problem they have. Their story was completely concluded in the first game. No sequel hooks. This game shouldn’t have been about them.

I feel like Arkane were trying to tell a story about corruption and the decay and damage caused by simple human greed, but felt like they had to shoehorn in Corvo and Emily or we’d lose interest. I think the game would have made way more sense with someone from Karnaca’s underclass as the protagonist, maybe a Mindy Blanchard type. Maybe her plan to craft the Mark works, or maybe the Outsider gives her a little push and then she foils the conspiracy to bring Delilah back, kind of like The Brigmore Witches, except Delilah doesn’t actually come back. The main villian in this game could just be people’s appetite for corruption and Emily’s apathy. 

I don’t know. It’s too late for any of that kind of speculation. My faith in Arkane took a huge hit with the one-two of Dishonored 2 and DOTO. It makes me optimistic that Dishonored 3 would have a completely different protagonist, but I’m not going to be blindly trusting, like I was after Brigmore.

[writingfromkitchenator]

Loki ~ Comfort

700 Followers Challenge!

Request by @everyjourneylove (Oh no, has something happened?  Tumblr won’t let me tag!)

Words: 1766

Warnings: Claustrophobia

While none of the Avengers were particularly keen on Loki, they trusted Thor's judgement that he was somewhat redeemed, and so, even a little reluctantly, they agreed to let him go on missions with then.

There'd been a few interesting experiences so far, but he had at least proved himself useful, allowing the team to start to relax a little.

All except you.

They'd quickly worked out to keep the two of you separated from each other, that there was no way that you'd ever be able to work together, no matter who said what.  You didn't like him and he didn't like you.

The worst row happened after he saved your life.

None of them were still overly sure how the argument started, but as voices started to raise, they knew that maybe one of you had gone a step too far.

“I saved you, you should be grateful.” Loki said through a sneer, glaring at you coldly.

Your eyes flashed dangerously.  “Well, excuse me your highness, I didn't realise there were such rules for team mates, I thought it was meant to be something we just did.”

Loki bristled.  “Normally it would be, but for someone as vile as you, I think a thank you is in order.”

“Well don't start begging me for it Loki, I'd hate to knock you down even lower than what you already are.” You went to turn and storm away, but Loki appeared in front of you, breathing hard.

“You dare-"

“Loki,” Thor's voice finally broke the tension, watching the two of you concerned.  “Enough.”

Loki's gaze was furious on Thor.  “You are going to let that-that-" He shakes his head.  “You're going to allow this to happen?”

“I'm not allowing anything,” He looks carefully between the two of you.  “But I will stop it, before it gets violent.”

Loki snorts and straightens himself out.  “Like Y/N would stand much of a fight against me any way.”

The air practically crackled as you launched at him, only to go straight through him, landing in a heap on the floor.

“You are anything but predictable.” Loki said, looking at you smugly.

Face burning, you get to your feet and storm away, not daring to look back.

Thor frowns at Loki.  “Have you thought of giving them a chance?”

Loki shrugs, turning away.  “I don't know, have they ever thought of giving me one?”

Things were quiet for a while after that, relaxing the team for a bit as they thought the two of you were content to ignore each other.

Then an emergency situation arose that had all the team out and on edge, especially when they got separated from each other or in pairs.

You were unfortunate enough to get stuck with Loki.

Neither of you liked it, gritting your teeth and working in silence, which, in the end, was basically what got you both into the following situation.

The two of you were moving quietly through a long hall, keeping an eye out for enemies while avoiding each other as far as you could.

Which meant that neither of you saw the trap.

The ground exploded beneath you before either of you could react, both of you falling several floors below, landing hard, rubble falling on top of you.

You came too with a heavy groan, trying to force yourself to move, adrenaline slowly kicking in as you pushed yourself up, until your head smashed into something hard, making you yelp.

“I don't recommend it.”  Loki's voice sounded.  “We are very closed in.”

Cautiously, your body tensing, you open your eyes and blink to try and get them to adjust, only to find the light available was very dim and the two of you were almost in complete darkness.

You swallowed and looked to your left, just making out an outline of Loki, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

Your heart started to race and you forced yourself to swallow. “How-how bad is it?”

“Well, I stopped it all from crushing us, that's something.” He said lightly.  “But I've been waiting for you to come to so you can try and contact anyone to get us out.”

But you were no longer listening, feeling everything closing in way too close, feeling like you struggling to breath, moving as slowly as you dared, pushing yourself up only for your back to quickly meet the rubble above.

“No...” Your voice was hoarse as you practically trembled.

“No?” Loki repeated.  “I hate to tell you this, but my ear piece is long gone, so only you are capable of-"

You started hyperventilating, feeling hot tears starting to spill down your cheeks as you fought with your fear, fought not to be drowned in it, to not panic.

“Y/N?” Loki's voice was careful.  “Are you alright?”

Your stomach turned, but you knew you couldn't be sick, that it would make it definitely worse.  “Need...out...”

“Well, as I said-"

“Get me out.”  Your voice broke and then started to raise as you sobbed.  “Get me out.  Get me out!”

You continued to repeat yourself, your back pushing back against the rubble, your hands scraping along the ground, almost attempting to dig your way out.

Loki tried to talk to you, tried to calm you down, but there was a ringing, combined with your pounding heart, that it was drowning out everything.

Something cool rested on your arm and drew you back, making you gasp and blink in the gloom, Loki's hand resting on your arm.

“Easy,” He said, surprisingly gentle.  “We're going to be okay.  Take a few deep breathes.”

You knew he'd be able to feel the tremble in your body, but right then, you didn't care.  “I-I can't.”

“You can,” He said firmly.  “You need to.”

You try, even against your racing heart, but all it did was make more tears come.

“Y/N, listen to me,” Loki said.  “For once, please.  The sooner you talk to the team, the sooner we can get you out of here.  The rubble is not going to fall on us and, at the moment, there is plenty of oxygen for you to breath, but you need to tell them where we are.”

You swallowed, forcing your survival instincts to kick in, to override the panic.  You focused on his hand, the coolness welcome on your clammy skin.

Slowly, you raised a shaky hand to your ear.

“Can-can anyone hear me?”

For a moment, there was just a crackle, long enough to feel Loki's hand tighten on you.

“Y/N!” Thor's voice boomed through the device, making you wince. “Are you alright? Have you seen Loki?”

You swallowed, still fighting down the panic.  “He's-he's here with me.  We're okay, but...stuck.  The floor gave way and the roof collapsed, Loki saved us but-"

“You hang in there Y/N,” It was Tony this time.  “We'll find you and get you out, just don't kill each other in the process.”

You shuddered and swallowed, closing your eyes and nodding. “Sure.”

You took your hand away and closed your eyes, breathing for a moment until you focused back in Loki's hand, looking at him to find his gaze in you.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“I've been better,” You croaked.  “I don't know how you are so calm.”

Loki gives a small grin.  “Practice, my dear, many, many years of practice.”

You move slightly, your back brushing the rubble, making you shudder again and swallowed hard, forcing your breathing to stay in control.

“Come here.”

“What?” You wished you could make out more of his expression in that moment, wondering what game he could possibly be playing.

“I'm not trying to pull something on you,” He said softly. “For once.  I simply wish to help you through the panic and maybe save you some dignity when the others finally find us.”

You couldn't meet his eye as you nodded and licked your lips. “O-okay.”

Carefully, Loki helps you slide over to his side, staying uncomfortably on your stomach.

“I want you to close your eyes and lay on your side, facing me.” Loki said softly and even as you felt your face burning, you did as he asked, not wanting to face the panic still beating at you from the back of your mind.  “Good, now, do you think you can listen to me?”

“Aren't I doing that already?”  You asked, your voice having a slight bite to it, which made him chuckle.

“I'm glad this hasn't dampened your spirits at all.” He said and then shifted to his side, facing you.  “But for this to work, you need to listen to me, and I mean really listen Y/N.”

You sigh, fighting the temptation to open your eyes.  “I'm listening Loki.”

“Good.” He takes a moment.  “Then I want you to stop thinking about where we are-"

You tensed.

“-stop thinking of the rubble about to crush us, of the tight space we are in, it all needs to be cleared from your mind.”

It was tempting to have a go at him, to say how tactful his words were, but you decided that it was going to be better to listen for the moment, lest you move and upset yourself.

“Instead, I want you to think of somewhere peaceful, somewhere that you'd much rather currently be.  I want you to picture it clearly, detail by detail, it doesn't even have to be real if you don't want it to be, just get that picture settled in your mind.”

You drew in a deep breath and actually found yourself starting to build a picture in your mind, of a place that you found calming, your breathing soon getting easier, the tension easing from your shoulders.

There is a slight brush against your forehead and you go to open your eyes only to find yourself standing where you’d been thinking of.

You stared, feeling free air on your skin, feeling the open space and letting out a steadying breath.

“It’s beautiful.”  You said to yourself quietly, feeling everything slip away apart from this space.

“It is.”  Loki’s voice made you jump, spinning around only to find his gaze quickly moving away from yours.  “You’ll be fine here until the others turn up.”

There were many things that you wanted to say in that moment, but, for once, you forced it down and gave him a shy smile.

“Thank you Loki.”

He looks at you surprised, but then nods, returning the smile. “You are welcome Y/N.”  He goes to say something else, but shakes his head. “You are welcome.”

[idreamofwolves]

Old Times -Part One

Summary: Negan stumbles upon a familiar face from life before the end of the world.

Pairing: Negan (The Walking Dead) x OC

The dead walk the earth, the living survive on nothing but fuel in the form of safe houses and scraps of food they find or hunt. It wasn’t the way Emily ever thought things would be, or anyone for that matter, but there she was, hiding out in some old, abandoned cottage in the middle of the woods. She thought this would be her safe place, somewhere she could feel comfortable sleeping without the fear of being eaten by walkers in her sleep. She was wrong.

Emily had woken in the middle of the night to the sound of pounding on her front door that she’d hardly reinforced given her false sense of safety. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two came when fear started to override rational thought. Instead of running for weapons when the door cracked open, she attempted to hide herself in a small closet.

As the dead drug their feet in, they became frantic, or as frantic as the dead could be, in search for the living flesh they smelled and craved. Her hands shook and tears ran down her face. “This is it. This is how it’s going to end.” She thought, feeling more hopeless than ever.

Just when she had given up all hope, she heard something that would change the course of her awful night. The croaking sounds of walkers dying tang through the cottage, making her perk up and wonder what on earth was going on out there.

When the sounds of smashing and crushing finally came to a close, foot steps could be heard around the area. It seemed like only one person, but Emily couldn’t imagine a scenario where one person could kill so many walkers. And although it was against her better judgement, she slowly and quietly crawled out of the closet. She gasped as she was quickly met with the rotting face in hers. She threw herself into her back and took in the bloody scene around her.

Just as she started to get overwhelmed, a figure in the doorway took her attention. “Ho-ly shit!” The man exclaimed, oddly amused somehow. A barbed wire covered bat was sling over his shoulder, dripping with blood. He seemed unfazed by this. “We got a live one.”

“You did this?” She asked, not sure what she was more horrified by, the graveyard around her or the man above her that caused it without a flinch.

“Yeah and saved your ass in doing so.” He chuckled as he rest back on his heel. “What’s your name, doll?” The room was dark and she couldn’t see much, but she recognized that voice from somewhere.

“Emily.” She answered without thought, his demeanor and authoritative stance made her feel afraid, but he’d just saved her life. She couldn’t be anything less than grateful. “Thank you, for this.”

“Emily.. Have we met?” She was taken aback by the question, but upon really looking at him, she realized he was right. They’d met before, long before the outbreak.

“Negan?” She answered, trying to hold back a smile. She stood up and brushed herself off quickly before going back to the conversation. “You’re alive? What are you doing here?” She hurried to him and hugged him out of a rush of relief and joy.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He hugged her back, almost dropping his beloved bar in the process. His smile was still there, but it wasn’t the normal, cocky grin he often wore. He was shocked to find someone from his old life, relieved even. It suddenly made him miss the old days.

They’d met long before the outbreak, looking at her was like looking into the past, into a place he dearly missed when he let himself think about it.

He pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. He looked almost just as he did the last time he saw her, except maybe more muscular now. “I haven’t seen you since..” she trailed off, remembering exactly when she saw him last but didn’t want to say.

“Since the bar.” He finished, and in the back of both of their minds they remembered their first and last meetings.

Negan’s wife, Lucille, was harsh and demanding and every part of him felt his marriage had failed. They fought so often that he barely knew what it was like to laugh with a woman anymore, until he met Emily. He’d often go to the bar to get out for a while and let things cool off at home. That’s where he met her.

She was shy and new to bar tending, she wasn’t cut out for it but she was pretty and men tipped well. It wasn’t what she really wanted to do in life, but it paid the bills.

It was a slow night when Emily came into work. It was the last shift, and a short one at that. She was ready to go home as soon as she came, until she noticed the tired looking man at the end of the bar. A few others lingered as they sipped their drinks, but it was him she was interested in. “Hey.” She smiled as she gained his attention. “You okay?”

“Doin’ great doll.” It seemed like he’d actually meant to sound more honest, but it came out sarcastic. “Mind filling this up?” He slid his glass over to her, and motioned toward the nearby bottle of whiskey.

She lowly watched him as she poured the whiskey. She slid his glass back and checked on the other bar dwellers. After a few moments of contemplation, she went back to him. “Want to talk about it?” She pried, making him chuckle.

“That obvious, huh?” He rubbed his eyes with his hand and took a deep breath. “Think I’m here for the same reason most of these lonely, alcoholic bastards are here for. Angry wife.”

“Ooh. That bad, huh?” She rested her elbows on the bar and sipped on her soda. “By the look on your face, I’m guessing it’s one of two things. This is your first big fight with a wife you’re crazy in love with, which I’m going to doubt since I’ve seen you here once or twice, or this is becoming so common that you don’t know what to do anymore. Am I close?” She found it easy to talk with him, despite her normal reserved nature.

“Spot on, sweetheart.” He chuckled and sipped his drink, looking confident but deep down she knew he was feeling down.

“It’s Emily.” She smiled and lightly tapped her name tag. She got a smile out of him, which was really all she wanted.

“Negan.”

From that moment on, they bonded over broken relationships and their off sense of humor. It was an unexpected friendship laced with some kind of flirtatious nature, as time went on.

Negan quickly became attached to Emily, as he was able to use her as therapist and friend. She reminded him how to laugh, and she helped him forget about the rest of the world outside of the bar. And although the friendship was innocent enough, he knew himself enough to know he had feelings for her.

Emily, on the other hand, was incredibly oblivious to Negan’s flirting. She saw it as a joke most of the time, just friends kidding around, even if it did make her heart beat out of her chest. He wasn’t someone she ever imagined she’d want to be with, but she couldn’t help but imagine it at times. She found safety in him, as he was always there to ward off the seemingly sexual predators that frequented the bar now and then who always wanted more than a drink from her. She found solace in him, knowing she could vent if she needed to and ask for his opinion. He was honest and caring, something rare, she thought.

The last time Negan saw Emily, he knew it would be the last. The news of Lucille’s cancer made things hard for him, and he knew he couldn’t keep seeing this girl anymore. As much as it hurt him, he knew he had to let her go.

He walked into the bar, his composure slightly different than normal. His confident stride and cocky smirk had completely vanished. “Hey you.” Emily greeted him as he took his normal seat. He mumbles out some sort of greeting, but it was incomprehensible. “What’s up buttercup? Bad day?” She asked, thinking he and Lucille must have gotten into some kind of major fight.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Definitely a bad day.”

Emily frowned, she hated seeing him upset. “Whiskey kind of day, huh?” She poured him a drink but he put his hand out to stop her.

“Look sweetheart, I’m not staying today. I just wanted to drop in and give ya this.” He dropped a folder note down on the bar for her to read. He didn’t have the courage to tell her what he desperately needed to say, especially knowing it wouldn’t get him anywhere anyway.

Emily picked up the letter and looked him in his sad eyes, somehow knowing she wouldn’t see him again. “What’s this?” She asked, not really wanting to open it.

He sighed and looked away for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. “Read it later, okay? Lucille’s got cancer so I won’t be around much anymore. Just thought I’d say ‘bye’ to my favorite bar tender.” He tried to make it light, but this didn’t feel good for him, it felt like a break up.

“Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that.” She nodded, squeezing the paper in her hand. “Well I hope I see you around some time, Negan.” She forced a smile, even though no part of her felt like smiling.

���Me too, princess.” He walked out, feeling more broken than he ever had. It was hard, knowing she was about to find out what he’d been feeling, and not being able to do anything about it. Not to mention the guilt he started to feel about having feelings for another woman while he was married.

It was tough on the both of them, but they never saw each other again. Not before the outbreak, that is.

“Yeah. The bar.” She said, slowly. She didn’t want to remember that night, but she still had his note. She carried it with her the moment she’d been forced to flee her home, knowing it was all she had left of him and the old life she’d lived.

“I’m real sorry about that Em.” He started, but she didn’t want him to finish.

“How’s Lucille? Is she-“

“Dead.” He said, abruptly. “She died while all the shit started hitting the fan. Turned into one of them.” He shrugged, feeling a little defeated. He hadn’t really talked about it before, but he knew he could trust her.

“Oh. I’m so sorry.” She hadn’t expected that answer, somehow.

“Don’t be. I’m glad she didn’t have to deal with this shit show.” He motioned around them, and she knew where he was coming from. Part of her wished she never had to deal with it too, but the other option scared her more.

“Right.” She nodded and looked out the window. She felt nervous, never did she think this opportunity would come. Honestly she figured he was dead. “So what are you doing here? On the run?”

“Never.” He said, confidently. “I run a place called The Sanctuary. It’s an old compound we fenced in. We take in everyone we can, make deals with other communities, you know.”

“Thats sounds amazing. I’ve been on my own since this started. Somehow I’m still not any good at fighting these things.” She laughed, knowing her weaknesses.

“How the hell have you been living in this without fighting?” He asked, semi amused but mostly worried.

“I just go from house to house. I board everything up and live on the food and stuff there until it runs out, then I venture off to a new home.” She wasn’t proud of the way she’d been living, and honestly she had very little contact with anyone since the beginning. It was amazing to her not only seeing someone, but seeing someone she knew.

“Come on, come to The Sanctuary with me. We got food and hot water, even beer.” The offer was enough without the luxuries he’d mentioned. She realized she still had feelings for him, and she wondered if he still felt the way he said he did in the letter. There was only one way for her to find out.

“I’d love to, thank you.”

[redhoodsjacket]

Acid - Bruce Banner

I’m on fire guys. Another one in the Mutant serie... This one is kinda intense ngl

Mutant serie masterlist

Pairing: Bruce Banner x Reader

Genre: Drama (surprise...), bit of fluff toward the end

Word count: 2408

Summary: The one where Bruce confesses his feelings for you after you reveal you biggest secret to him

Warnings: Mention of substance abuse, mention of pain related trauma, mention of death

"... seemingly a robbery that turned bad at America's Bank on the seventh street, where several hostages witnessed a "beast" tearing down everything in its path. Eye witness Linda Warner was on the first line to see it all fold out. - Yeah, it came out of one of the offices. At first it attacked to robbers, but then it attacked people around, I was scared for my life! - Seven people perished, including the four robbers on place. More at six with the police's statement" Tony closed the TV, sighing as he mentally rehearsed what he'd tell the press, then what he'd do about this so called beast.  "So, what's happening now?"  He jumped at the voice and turned around in his rolling chair to face the door. He never heard Bruce come in. "Some beast prevented a bank robbery with a few causalities" He shrugged. "So same old" 

"A bank?" Bruce frowned. "Which one?" "America's Bank down on the seventh" Bruce stilled at his words, his breathing accelerating as he tried to tell himself that it couldn't be... "Tony, where's (Y/N)?" "She said she was going to the bank real quick for an appointm... Oh no" Tony's eyes widened at the realization. "You don't think it's her bank, do you?" Bruce only made a face and swallowed the lump forming in his throat, fearing that it might very well be the bank she had her account in.  "FRIDAY, call (Y/N)" Tony ordered. "Very well" The AI answered. They waited a few seconds before it spoke again. "It appears as (Y/N) is declining your attempts to reach her. Should I try again?" Tony replied affirmatively and waited again. It still fell on the voicemail. "(Y/N) has requested me to inform you that she is fine, and that she needs some time away. Should I override that request?" "Y-" "No" Bruce replied before Tony, sending him a warning glance. "She's fine, she just needs some time alone" Tony was about to argue, but he stopped himself. "Fine. But if my head biologist is not back here safe and sound in twenty four hours, I'm going after her" /-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/ You hand were shaking on the steering wheel as you sped through a familiar road in the woods. Dried blood was still on your ripped clothes, your hair was a messy bird nest and dust still stuck under your nails. But you didn't care about how terrible you looked.  Ten years. You had been without an incident for ten years. Countless hours of practicing your control and restraint, and for what? Ruining everything with a gunshot.  You had an appointment at 10:15 with your financial adviser. You just needed to check something out, it wasn't supposed to last more than 20 minutes. But then, a bunch of robbers decided to strike in broad daylight, gangster fashion. You crouched as the first gunshots echoed, but you thought you'd be safe in the office you were in. You weren't.  A guy found you, and decided you wouldn't be a part of the hostages. You felt the bullet rip through your back, followed by the haunting crunch of the first bone dislocating. Before you even knew it, scales protruded from your spine and your skin turned into this porous, acid sweating mess. You lost control. You killed the guy who shot you, then all of his buddies before the cops even showed. But it was the three innocent people that stayed on your mind. Casualties, that's what they were called. People dying as a result of neutralizing a threat, a necessary evil one might say. But you didn't believe that. They were victims, your victims. They were dead because your control slipped. It was your fault. The ringing of the communication device in the car made you jump on surprise, bringing you back to reality. You read the caller ID, and immediately declined the call. Then, it rang again. So you declined again. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., tell Stark that I'm fine" You called to the AI, wiping your tears from your eyes. "Tell him I need some time away" "Miss (Y/N), your current vitals are at a concerning level right now" The AI replied. "I would suggest seeking help. Should I notify your emergency contact?" "No, just-" You paused, frowning. "Who's my emergency contact anyway?" "Bruce Banner"  Oh. "Just- just notify Stark that I'm okay" You sighed.  "Very well" It replied before shutting down. You ran a hand down your face and kept on driving. It wasn't long until you pulled up in the driveway of a round wood cabin, the one you used to spend your summers in when you were younger. You parked the car and headed inside, hoping nothing had changed.  After dusting off everything, you found out that it was exactly the same as when you had last visited. Even your old room hadn't been touched.  You changed into some of your mother's old, loose fitting clothes and grabbed a bottle of wine from the cellar and slid down on the floor and the couch's foot. You blew on the label to make the dust fly off and absentedmindly read it. It was a red, probably not so expensive if it was here. You unscrewed it, and right before you could take your first swing, you heard the front door creak open.  "(Y/N)?" You closed your eyes and threw your head back, stiffening a groan. Stupid AI not listening to you. "I thought I told F.R.I.D.A.Y. that I wanted to be left alone" You said in a raspy voice from all of the crying, staring into nothing ahead of you. "Well, technically, you told it to tell Stark to leave you alone. Not me, at least not explicitly" Bruce awkwardly shuffled in. "Besides, I think it sent me your coordinates as soon as you left Manhattan, y'know, emergency contact stuff" You chuckled emptily and glanced at him. "Of course it did" You muttered. "Uh, are you okay?" He asked as he stopped near you. You shook your head slowly and put the bottle down. "Were you hurt during the robbery?" You shook your head again and patted the space beside you. He obliged, but it didn't ease his concerned expression.  "You know, I didn't always have it figured out" You started, not able to refrain yourself from pouring out your emotions. "Since I was out of high school, I was a drug addict. Obviously I didn't consider myself that back then, but now I see I had a hell of a problem" "Wow" Bruce breathed, eyebrows rising. "That's kinda hard to believe" "Yep. I did all kinds of drugs. Soft ones, hard ones, as long as I felt the buzz. And I my friends were all the same. All I wanted was to have fun, even if I was the only one to agree with how. My parents didn't like it very much, so they cut me off. Didn't care about that either, I thought I was free from their judgement. "One day, while my friends and I were off to a trip in Costa Rica, we decided to go see the volcanoes. We were obviously high as a kite, didn't have a care in the world. So we passed by those lakes in the craters, that might be fatally acidic depending on how much the volcano is active. Then this guy dares me to jump in without checking if it was safe. "The water was so pretty, a vibrant turquoise shining in the sun. I will always remember that moment, that split moment before I jumped. Then, a second after, came the worst pain of my life" "I guess it wasn't safe" He mumbled, looking down then back at you again. "Nope" You shook your head. "I felt my skin melt, Bruce. And by the time I dragged myself out of the water, maybe three or four second, the water wasn't very shallow..." "Then how... How did-How are you even here?" He stuttered, scanning you from head to toes. You certainly didn't seem like someone who had jumped into an acidic water basin. "That's the thing" You sighed. "I somehow survived the ride to the hospital. I think all the drugs in my system actually numbed the pain, even if it was still excruciating. I remember them wrapping me up in bandages, then put me in a medically induced coma. And the first thing I knew, I woke up butt naked on the forest floor, skin as smooth as a baby" Bruce stared at you for a second before realization flashed in his eyes. "It was you" You nodded, refusing to meet his eyes. "I worked so hard, Bruce. To control my shifts. Not to let it take over me. I came back in New-York, got myself together, got my PhD in biology to understand my mutation better, and here I am, turning into a huge monster and wrecking shit in a bank" "Hey, it's okay" He reassured, rubbing your shoulder. "It's not your fault. Trust me on this" "Right, I almost forgot" You gave a timid smile to the floor. "The green guy must do as he pleases too, uh?" "I'm kinda coming around to terms with him, actually" He chuckled, and so did you. He truly was making progresses, it was impressive. "But you shouldn't blame yourself. Take it from someone with experience, you have to forgive the beast and move on, or else you'll die of guilt" "Okay" You breathed, nodding. "I'll try" "Also, whatever people will say, ignore them. They'll be afraid, but you don't have to be" He shrugged. "It's part of you, you can't change it, but you can learn to live with it" "Easy to say when your monster still kinda looks good" You half joked. "Mine looks right out of a nightmare" "My monster looks good?" He chuckled in disbelief, eyebrows raised high. "Besides, I'm sure it can't be that bad"  "Yeah I'd rather have yours than mine" You admitted with a sigh. "Could you... you know, show me?" He asked shyly. "What?" Your pulse accelerated at what he was asking of you.  "I mean if you don't mind" He hurried to the explanation. "I'd like to see it, but only if you are up for it" "I uh, I... okay" You agreed with a sigh and stood up. "Just don't take off running as soon as you see it, please" "Promise" He gave you a small smile.  You took a few steps back and focused on your changing. You felt your muscles pull themselves apart and rearrange in your back to accommodate the scales as well as your fingernails grow into talons. Bruce's eyes went wide, but he didn't seem afraid. It would be a first, because everyone else you crossed while being the other you had been straight up terrified.  He had the time to look you up and down before you shrunk back to your normal self. You were glad the cotton shorts and loose shirt had held on the transition this time, or it would have lead to a very uncomfortable situation.  "It's..." "Ugly? Horrible? The worst thing you've ever seen?" You suggested. "No" He objected. "I was gonna say fascinating" "Not a lot of people seem to think that" You said as you sat back down next to him.  "But I do" He once again smiled at you. "I think it's pretty cool, actually" You looked down at the floor to hide the blush on your cheek at his compliment. You had always liked Bruce, maybe as something more than a friend. He was kind, smart and thoughtful, and he always helped you when you needed it. But you had overheard him tell Tony with a hard certainty that relationships wasn't his thing and that he didn't want one. So you gave up chasing after him. But looking at him now, it was hard to ignore your feelings for him. His proximity was calming, and his warm brown eyes were drawing you closer to him. "Thank you" You whispered. "It's comforting to know you have a friend who can relate, and not judge you" "About that" He said not very much louder than your own voice. "There was something I've been meaning to uh. Talk to you about" "Yes?" Your heart leaped in your throat. "Do you ever think that uh, maybe it shouldn't... Be what we are?" He asked nervously. "Just friends?"  "Sometimes..." You trailed off in between two quick breaths. "Most of the time to be honest"  "O-okay" He nodded, a light fluster reddening his cheeks. "I uh, really, really like you, (Y/N)" "I really, really like you too, Bruce" you smiled timidly like you were a teenager all over again. But this time, more sober and with definitely less mistakes. You leaned toward him, pausing only at an inch from his lips, as to silently ask for permission.  He closed the distance and your lips pressed in a soft, gentle kiss. Your hand went to rest lightly on his cheek as you parted, still staying only inches apart. You looked up and met his glance, which was sparkling in a way that you decided you loved. A smile tugged at both of your mouths at what just happened, happy to finally have let the cat out of the bag.  "So this happened" You muttered, linking your fingers with his. You didn't move away though, you liked the proximity. "I hope it keeps happening too" He replied, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear with his free hand.  "I don't wanna go back yet" You admitted. Because then you'd have to tell people of your condition, and job would get in the way again. You wanted to stay in this little bubble you had just created a bit longer. "Let's stay here for a while" Bruce seemed to understand the feeling. His smile widened to become even a bit childish. "Tony gave you 24 hours before he comes and get you himself" He began. "So that leaves us 22 hours 19 minutes of peace to forget about reality" "That sounds like a deal" You grinned. "But we'll just need more wine"  "Your face tells me it won't be a problem" He stated. "Indeed it won't, Dr. Banner" You rested your head on his shoulder and snuggled closer to him. His arm went around your shoulder and rubbed your arm soothingly. "Indeed it won't"

•••

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@thehabssuck-getoverit @potato-with-possible-standards @ fortisetgloriosusinarduis

[caepaecaesurae]

> Attempt Friendship, pt 2

LAST TIME: caepaecaesurae i'm sorry that part of you likes me. palteringcecutiency ...would you rather I didn't? Sunday at 10:43 AM

caepaecaesurae ...not really.  but i knowv it's making life harder for you. Monday at 12:43 AM palteringcecutiency ...there's not a lot that doesn't, and I've accepted this is... something that is sticking around. Things are... better off, trying to be friends than... otherwise. caepaecaesurae ..for both of us. palteringcecutiency ...for both of us, yes. palteringcecutiency ...you do not have to answer, but. ...what does... friendship with me, garner for you? caepaecaesurae Aside from missing you? palteringcecutiency If... there is, anything. caepaecaesurae Evwery time I try to find the wvords, I fall dowvn a mountain of reasons bearing no relation to eachother. caepaecaesurae There is more peace among the clade if wve are capable of functioning peacefully.  I wvould be frequently concerned for the man I once harmed if I had no ability to speak wvith him, or see if he wvas evwen remotely wvell.  It's nice to havwe someone to share the crasser, grimmer jokes wvith, although that devwolvwes back to missing you. caepaecaesurae The part of my mind that is unfortunately paranoid of others is appeased if I can keep others wvithin cordial convwersation distance, hence my extremely long and unfortunate history of befriending those wvho make the least sense. palteringcecutiency ...it is not difficult to keep tabs on another through those who speak to both. I... did so, when you were... offline, recently. But... if you are determined, and... enjoy, me, I won't... try to convince you otherwise. palteringcecutiency ...there is a difference between surveillance and friendship, however. caepaecaesurae It is a comfort to see first hand proof that someone is not a threat, at times... but you are correct. Part of me misses you. palteringcecutiency ...what kind of proof, are you looking for? I... am not the most... skilled, at reassuring, and. If there is something specific that would help, I'd... like the knowledge, at the very least. caepaecaesurae Talking to you wvhen you're like this puts my pan at ease a bit. ..I don't knowv if it's more complicated than that. palteringcecutiency ...it seems so little for... so much. caepaecaesurae ..maybe, maybe not. really did miss you chief. palteringcecutiency ...you keep saying, and I... do not think I... understand... how much. caepaecaesurae WVhen you got here, I knowv I should'vwe been thinking of Alternia.  I should'vwe let that be at the front, I knowv wve both livwed that life unspeakably longer than the first, bu wvhat I sawv wvas Mituna being able to talk straight and sass people and it wvas a relief. palteringcecutiency ...I. Can understand that, somewhat. The feeling, in general, to have Beforus override sense. But... neither of those parties are ones I would...  only call friends. ...none of them were... enough, to do so. I cannot figure out if the problem is you, or... me. caepaecaesurae i think the phrasing is getting careful enough that you're losin me a little. "only call friends"? palteringcecutiency ...pardon. I... do not want to accuse, only understand, and I'm... having difficulty reconciling this side with yours, and I... don't know what the problem is. ...the two... that have been successful, so far, are... were, quadrants. ...Kurloz and I are courting pale because we keep... being pale, without noticing, despite... everything else. Latula... it is going to be... interesting, when she reincarnates, I. Miss her dearly, painfully some nights, though I know it's... pointless. ...but I don't... get attached, easily, so I... don't know if you're excessive or I'm... cold. caepaecaesurae .. I don't knowv if you're cold but I'm definitely excessivwe. palteringcecutiency ...ah. That would be... it, then. > Caesurae spends three minutes consulting Kankri and Nadaya on whether it would be a good idea to hit enter, before ... caepaecaesurae ...also for wvhat it's wvorth you might care to remember that I had crushes on almost all of our friend group, on Beforus. ..that I frequently tried to act on, often simultaneously. You wveren't immune.  Though it's faded out and no longer... a factor. palteringcecutiency ...you what palteringcecutiency I. I don't remember that at all?? I mean, I remember the part about you asking everyone out under the moon but. I thought that was out of desperation? Not. Not like. Are you /sure/. caepaecaesurae Just because I wvas bad at it doesn't mean there wveren't sincere feelings under there somewvhere. Evweryone wvas attractivwe, and I could see wvondrous possibilities in each of them.  Aside from Horuss and Kur, towvards the end. palteringcecutiency ...but. Are you. Me?? Of all people, /me/?? The whole time?? ...oh god. The entire time. caepaecaesurae I wvas a real prize, I knowv. palteringcecutiency I. Fuck, I didn't. Notice? At all?? I mean, the, undercurrent part, obviously, I just... for how long?? And /why/? caepaecaesurae You're clevwer, wve havwe the same sense of humor (gods help us all), and teasing about the injury boards and mutations and my assorted, numerous failures all seemed to flowv vwery smoothly. You wvere a friend, I liked you. palteringcecutiency Fuck. palteringcecutiency I. Believe I need a moment. caepaecaesurae That's fair. caepaecaesurae ... I'm not entirely sure wvhy it's a surprise I had crushes on evweryone, but apparently that is a running theme. palteringcecutiency It's. More that it was on me of all people, than anything. I didn't think... I didn't have any reason to pry deeper. caepaecaesurae To be entirely blunt, wve wvere both little shits. caepaecaesurae I think the wvay wve got along fit wvell, at the time.  Including you apparently not noticing. It's for the best. palteringcecutiency Well /yeah/, the theoretics make sense, and we definitely did, but... Mm. ...what. Makes you say that, specifically? caepaecaesurae If it had gone anywvhere, I wvould'vwe been just as much of a little shit, and then you'd havwe had to deal wvith my teen attempts to learn howv romance wvorks, wvhich are regrettable in general and I am glad that fewv here havwe any experience wvith that. And that wvould havwe led to evwen further complications here. palteringcecutiency Yes, because I was a thoroughly suave romantic myself, having figured out what to do with people who honestly liked me enough to date me at the ripe age of six. ...on your end or mine, because I'm rather sure it's a drop in the ocean at this point, compared to Kurloz and Her. caepaecaesurae You didn't do too poorly wvith Latula and Kur, chief caepaecaesurae I mean, complications from the other life aside palteringcecutiency You mean the moiraillegence that was ashen on my end half of the time, and the messy quagmire that left because neither of us knew what the shit was happening? Or the fact that I only started courting Latula because Kurloz literally placed me in front of her and left, and only continued because she thought my fumbled flustering was charming for god knows what reason? You should know by now that nothing with me is what it seems, after this long and this many times. caepaecaesurae WVell apparently I don't, so there. Nevwer underestimate my wvillingness to believwe the things you literally say to me. palteringcecutiency Well stop that. caepaecaesurae I don't think you can make me. palteringcecutiency Stubbornly clinging to a blatant weakness is a bit much even for you, Cro. caepaecaesurae You'd rather I trust my owvn judgement than that of others? That's a laugh. palteringcecutiency Over /mine/? I'd think /you/ would rather. caepaecaesurae But then I'm being insensitivwe and not listening to you. And making decisions for you wvithout accounting for your side. palteringcecutiency ...you'd gamble that I'm not abusing an easy button to avoid even the possibility of that. caepaecaesurae To be honest, if you wvere wvilling to be nefarious at me, I'd already be in ruins. I don't havwe much to lose by just believwing you and going by wvhatevwer you say. I don't see the downvside palteringcecutiency ...Cronus, I've been doing my damnedest since I've gotten here. caepaecaesurae You'vwe also mentioned more than once howv the fact other people care about both of us is a stumbling block palteringcecutiency To turn your paradise into hell the best I could, only you built it too well before I got here. caepaecaesurae ...wvhat havwe you tried to do? palteringcecutiency To be a thorn in your side, smear the dirt of your past all over for people to see, to tear people away from you, to turn them against you. Be a constant, fanged reminder that you're not the nice, harmless good highblood you convinced everyone of. ...none of it worked. caepaecaesurae ..I noticed the reminders. I did almost leavwe tumblr once. There's some wvho are more cautious around me than they wvould havwe been, and a fewv close to me wvho wvere not as friendly to the Alternian half of me wvhen I wvas split as I had hoped caepaecaesurae ... You're in your rights to complain about that sort of thing as openly as you care to. I don't think that counts as nefarious, no matter howv little I personally enjoy it wvhen it comes up. palteringcecutiency Goodness, really, let me just dig out my empty notebook of victories to jot this down, right next to the one time I got to someone before you did. caepaecaesurae .. I'm not going to fight you on this, either, Mituna. palteringcecutiency I'm not either, it doesn't matter. I've given up trying. The allies I have now are more than I expected after so long, enough to risk friendship at least, and I never was going to win no matter how hard I tried. There was just... a dream, I guess, of you being the powerless one this time around. Finally getting the upperhand on someone, get control of my life for once. Should've known better. caepaecaesurae WVould you actually feel better if you managed it? To stand, gloating, ovwer a defeated foe? caepaecaesurae You didn't like it on the roof of the castle. I'm not sure howv much you liked it, after asking Kur to showv me. palteringcecutiency That was /different/. That was me wanting to punch you and fucking up your pan instead! Any fun I got got immediately... fucked over, by that. caepaecaesurae I'm not strong enough to stand against you, Mituna. That's the other reason it's for the best that crush nevwer wvent anywvhere. palteringcecutiency ...you keep saying all this, but I've watched you for a sweep, here. You've done just as well as you did on Alternia, better even, since you have more at your disposal to use against me. How are you talking as if losing is inevitable when you've already /won/? caepaecaesurae I'vwe made friends, Mituna. I've tried to livwe my life. But the instant someone raises their vwoice, especially if they are in my clade, I lose my mind and go sit in a corner.  Hardly the most elegant of lifestyles. So I'vwe sought out peace, since it's all I knowv howv to handle. Spite has no place in my goals.  Only learning howv to exist again. WVhen I talk about standing against you, I mean a physical conflict.  I mean arguments.  I mean direct clashes, not ephemeral shadowv-games. I'm not playing any shadowv games. ...I knowv you don't believwe that and I'm not sure wvhy I'm letting myself try to talk about it again. caepaecaesurae My "vwictory" is a life wvhere I don't get hurt.  I hope that's not mutually exclusivwe wvith wvhatevwer vwictory condition you set for yourself. palteringcecutiency I... I don't... have, any. caepaecaesurae You may havwe an easier time reaching your goals, if you havwe some to reach Pick one.  Start somewvhere. palteringcecutiency ...I barely remember how to be a troll, Cro. There's... not a lot within reach. Heh, you're doing bounds and leaps better than I am, if you ever need someone to compare yourself to and come out looking better. caepaecaesurae Perhaps it feels safer, to havwe your goals all focus on tearing dowvn others, than on constructing things of your owvn.  ...I'm sure it wvas a necessity, and that the alternativwes are ancient and dusty, and I understand, and I don't blame you for it a bit. caepaecaesurae ..I'vwe had a head start, and far more luck.  I rely on my quadrants to help lead and guide me.  Sometimes my clade. ...They'vwe been helping. caepaecaesurae Evwen trying to find a goal, is a goal. palteringcecutiency ...mn. ...there's only so much anyone can do when the night's goal is 'accept having skin' and it's failed. The simple is out of reach, the beyond basic... I have been trying for... ages, in the bubbles, and I've gotten this far only to be stripped of what helped. It is. Remarkably difficult to be... hopeful, and positive, while drowning in failure. caepaecaesurae Could Sparks use technical skill or his access to the bubbles and his afterlife to arrange something that wvould help at all? caepaecaesurae ..I knowv it's hard.  I'm sorry I alwvays make it sound like there's some solution hanging just out of reach.  It feels like the opposite of givwng up, somehowv. palteringcecutiency ...he's offered to assist me in... garnering an electronic connection, but. There is a general consensus that I am not allowed to have one, and if I got one regardless, I'd be dragged out of the systems far sooner than later. palteringcecutiency It's just... frustrating, and I'm... tired, of trying constantly, of being told the fixes aren't allowed as they aren't 'healthy' enough. caepaecaesurae Maybe they'd be more open to some things, if they came wvith a scheduled, organized calendar of howv long you wvere intending to use each crutch to guide yourself forwvards.  ..not that the timing wvould be easy to guess. caepaecaesurae I'm sorry people are havwing emotions about the solutions you seek.  I'm sorry evwerything is this wvay, and I sincerely wvish it wvas easier for you. ..do any of your alternates havwe meaningful advwice about the early stages of a return to independance? palteringcecutiency ...each case is different. One still refers to himself as a machine, rejecting trollhood. One tried to exist as a troll alone, but gave up mortality to get the connection back, missing it far too much. The third... we have not spoken on such matters yet. ...none of them wish to abandon their wetware permanently, and never have, so... they do not have advice on that for me. caepaecaesurae Far from a simple puzzle, though you knowv that already. caepaecaesurae WVould gaining the connection wvithout losing the body be a step forvward?  WVould control of some robbotic drone, that you could use to navwigate the wvorld instead of the fleshier body? palteringcecutiency ...it is losing the body that I want. The connection is just... what makes that possible. caepaecaesurae ...WVould it be rude to keep asking details, to see if I can think of anything you havwen't? ..should I let it go? palteringcecutiency If you are... willing, to hear the answers, I... have no problem, giving them. It's... not pleasant, though. To warn you. caepaecaesurae Is it the sensory aspect of havwing a body, some sot of germ thing, or something else? palteringcecutiency I... abandoned my wetware, my body, for... centuries, to... because of Her. My pan expects steel and wire of a ship, it feels muscle and blood and signals something is wrong, desperately wrong, upsettingly wrong, and /focuses/ on it, so that even a slightest twitch of a muscle sounds like surround sound at max volume. ...not every night but... more often than not. Organics... have all sorts of awful reactions to stimuli, things that make no sense, things that hinder what should be easy, and I was free of all that, and now I am crammed into a fleshbag and forced to feel all of it again, and for what? For what purpose? What is so much better about being like this than being how I was? caepaecaesurae So.. if something could make all of the organic body senses into an electronic readout like you're used to dealing wvith, that might help? WVhile still keeping you awvay from depersonalizing yourself, like they're afraid of? palteringcecutiency The... distance, too. Filters, I suppose? I... do not /need/ this data, I know I'm in a fleshbag, I know I am using its muscles, I /made that decision/. But it won't shut up and stop being so /wrong/, and I can't edit filters like this, and I can't /escape/ to anywhere and I just- It's /maddening/. caepaecaesurae The control to be able to adjust wvhich information you are receivwing? caepaecaesurae Sparks' afterlife ovwerlaps heavwily wvith the realm of dreams.  You may consider asking if he can wvake you up, and allowv you the chance to escape wvhen asleep, if that is a middleground that wvould help. You cannot sleep all the time, but you must sleep often enough that perhaps it could be of use palteringcecutiency ...when I sleep, I dream of )(er. I use a 'coon, unless I am with... trusted trolls. caepaecaesurae WVhen I slept, I dreamt of Arlequin's men. ..until Sparks movwed my dreamer to a stabilized castle wvhere nightmares do not dwvell. palteringcecutiency ...then, it is... successful, at that, at least. That's... good, for you as well. ...the, mutability of the bubbles was... favorable, letting things shift as I needed them or didn't, but... with life everything is... permanent, choices must be made and lived with. But with mutability comes... )(er. Do... you think, something... between, is even possible? caepaecaesurae I'm sure he'd givwe you your owvn stabilized realm outside the castle if you wvished privwacy and distance along wvith your peace.  As wvell, I'm sure you could wvork out some kind of wvay to allowv...disrete, controlled episodes of mutability. caepaecaesurae Evwen an on-off swvitch may do it. palteringcecutiency I. Still have to ask. I don't... know, if anyone will... object. It seems... too close, to what they do not like. caepaecaesurae At the vwery least, ask about the dream castle.  You could freely exit it wvhenevwer you wvished, if you sought mutability. And return, if you maintained control. caepaecaesurae I also suspect he wvould not mind seeking you out during nightmare to cause harm to your enemies. I believwe he's mentioned doing that for another, once or twvice. Dream vwisions may havwe no substance, but they can still be harmed by an outsider wvho is not under their spell. palteringcecutiency He'd. He'd 5ee. He'd kn0w. caepaecaesurae ... Sorry chief. Your call.  I think he'd be glad to help you any wvay you let him do so, though. palteringcecutiency 5orry. 5. S. Sorry. I. I just. He doesn't need that, in his head. And you're. Right, he does want to help, enough to say yes when. He shouldn't. caepaecaesurae I think he'd be fine, but I'm a selfish old man wvho trusts him to knowv his limits. Maybe you're right. palteringcecutiency I once trusted that, but then he passed out and dropped from the sky and I found myself less inclined to. caepaecaesurae Granted he can be a bit exciteable. Tempted to make a contextless callout post telling him to take care of himself. palteringcecutiency Do it, the dash is on the topic anyway. caepaecaesurae WVhat a coincidence.