#palteringcecutiency

[secret-delirium]

Gold "MEOW" socks. Pal, palteringcecutiency, The Angel, Vriska, Vriska again.

[amicicidalgambler]

💗 with psii

[caepaecaesurae]

> Attempt Friendship, pt 2

LAST TIME: caepaecaesurae i'm sorry that part of you likes me. palteringcecutiency ...would you rather I didn't? Sunday at 10:43 AM

caepaecaesurae ...not really.  but i knowv it's making life harder for you. Monday at 12:43 AM palteringcecutiency ...there's not a lot that doesn't, and I've accepted this is... something that is sticking around. Things are... better off, trying to be friends than... otherwise. caepaecaesurae ..for both of us. palteringcecutiency ...for both of us, yes. palteringcecutiency ...you do not have to answer, but. ...what does... friendship with me, garner for you? caepaecaesurae Aside from missing you? palteringcecutiency If... there is, anything. caepaecaesurae Evwery time I try to find the wvords, I fall dowvn a mountain of reasons bearing no relation to eachother. caepaecaesurae There is more peace among the clade if wve are capable of functioning peacefully.  I wvould be frequently concerned for the man I once harmed if I had no ability to speak wvith him, or see if he wvas evwen remotely wvell.  It's nice to havwe someone to share the crasser, grimmer jokes wvith, although that devwolvwes back to missing you. caepaecaesurae The part of my mind that is unfortunately paranoid of others is appeased if I can keep others wvithin cordial convwersation distance, hence my extremely long and unfortunate history of befriending those wvho make the least sense. palteringcecutiency ...it is not difficult to keep tabs on another through those who speak to both. I... did so, when you were... offline, recently. But... if you are determined, and... enjoy, me, I won't... try to convince you otherwise. palteringcecutiency ...there is a difference between surveillance and friendship, however. caepaecaesurae It is a comfort to see first hand proof that someone is not a threat, at times... but you are correct. Part of me misses you. palteringcecutiency ...what kind of proof, are you looking for? I... am not the most... skilled, at reassuring, and. If there is something specific that would help, I'd... like the knowledge, at the very least. caepaecaesurae Talking to you wvhen you're like this puts my pan at ease a bit. ..I don't knowv if it's more complicated than that. palteringcecutiency ...it seems so little for... so much. caepaecaesurae ..maybe, maybe not. really did miss you chief. palteringcecutiency ...you keep saying, and I... do not think I... understand... how much. caepaecaesurae WVhen you got here, I knowv I should'vwe been thinking of Alternia.  I should'vwe let that be at the front, I knowv wve both livwed that life unspeakably longer than the first, bu wvhat I sawv wvas Mituna being able to talk straight and sass people and it wvas a relief. palteringcecutiency ...I. Can understand that, somewhat. The feeling, in general, to have Beforus override sense. But... neither of those parties are ones I would...  only call friends. ...none of them were... enough, to do so. I cannot figure out if the problem is you, or... me. caepaecaesurae i think the phrasing is getting careful enough that you're losin me a little. "only call friends"? palteringcecutiency ...pardon. I... do not want to accuse, only understand, and I'm... having difficulty reconciling this side with yours, and I... don't know what the problem is. ...the two... that have been successful, so far, are... were, quadrants. ...Kurloz and I are courting pale because we keep... being pale, without noticing, despite... everything else. Latula... it is going to be... interesting, when she reincarnates, I. Miss her dearly, painfully some nights, though I know it's... pointless. ...but I don't... get attached, easily, so I... don't know if you're excessive or I'm... cold. caepaecaesurae .. I don't knowv if you're cold but I'm definitely excessivwe. palteringcecutiency ...ah. That would be... it, then. > Caesurae spends three minutes consulting Kankri and Nadaya on whether it would be a good idea to hit enter, before ... caepaecaesurae ...also for wvhat it's wvorth you might care to remember that I had crushes on almost all of our friend group, on Beforus. ..that I frequently tried to act on, often simultaneously. You wveren't immune.  Though it's faded out and no longer... a factor. palteringcecutiency ...you what palteringcecutiency I. I don't remember that at all?? I mean, I remember the part about you asking everyone out under the moon but. I thought that was out of desperation? Not. Not like. Are you /sure/. caepaecaesurae Just because I wvas bad at it doesn't mean there wveren't sincere feelings under there somewvhere. Evweryone wvas attractivwe, and I could see wvondrous possibilities in each of them.  Aside from Horuss and Kur, towvards the end. palteringcecutiency ...but. Are you. Me?? Of all people, /me/?? The whole time?? ...oh god. The entire time. caepaecaesurae I wvas a real prize, I knowv. palteringcecutiency I. Fuck, I didn't. Notice? At all?? I mean, the, undercurrent part, obviously, I just... for how long?? And /why/? caepaecaesurae You're clevwer, wve havwe the same sense of humor (gods help us all), and teasing about the injury boards and mutations and my assorted, numerous failures all seemed to flowv vwery smoothly. You wvere a friend, I liked you. palteringcecutiency Fuck. palteringcecutiency I. Believe I need a moment. caepaecaesurae That's fair. caepaecaesurae ... I'm not entirely sure wvhy it's a surprise I had crushes on evweryone, but apparently that is a running theme. palteringcecutiency It's. More that it was on me of all people, than anything. I didn't think... I didn't have any reason to pry deeper. caepaecaesurae To be entirely blunt, wve wvere both little shits. caepaecaesurae I think the wvay wve got along fit wvell, at the time.  Including you apparently not noticing. It's for the best. palteringcecutiency Well /yeah/, the theoretics make sense, and we definitely did, but... Mm. ...what. Makes you say that, specifically? caepaecaesurae If it had gone anywvhere, I wvould'vwe been just as much of a little shit, and then you'd havwe had to deal wvith my teen attempts to learn howv romance wvorks, wvhich are regrettable in general and I am glad that fewv here havwe any experience wvith that. And that wvould havwe led to evwen further complications here. palteringcecutiency Yes, because I was a thoroughly suave romantic myself, having figured out what to do with people who honestly liked me enough to date me at the ripe age of six. ...on your end or mine, because I'm rather sure it's a drop in the ocean at this point, compared to Kurloz and Her. caepaecaesurae You didn't do too poorly wvith Latula and Kur, chief caepaecaesurae I mean, complications from the other life aside palteringcecutiency You mean the moiraillegence that was ashen on my end half of the time, and the messy quagmire that left because neither of us knew what the shit was happening? Or the fact that I only started courting Latula because Kurloz literally placed me in front of her and left, and only continued because she thought my fumbled flustering was charming for god knows what reason? You should know by now that nothing with me is what it seems, after this long and this many times. caepaecaesurae WVell apparently I don't, so there. Nevwer underestimate my wvillingness to believwe the things you literally say to me. palteringcecutiency Well stop that. caepaecaesurae I don't think you can make me. palteringcecutiency Stubbornly clinging to a blatant weakness is a bit much even for you, Cro. caepaecaesurae You'd rather I trust my owvn judgement than that of others? That's a laugh. palteringcecutiency Over /mine/? I'd think /you/ would rather. caepaecaesurae But then I'm being insensitivwe and not listening to you. And making decisions for you wvithout accounting for your side. palteringcecutiency ...you'd gamble that I'm not abusing an easy button to avoid even the possibility of that. caepaecaesurae To be honest, if you wvere wvilling to be nefarious at me, I'd already be in ruins. I don't havwe much to lose by just believwing you and going by wvhatevwer you say. I don't see the downvside palteringcecutiency ...Cronus, I've been doing my damnedest since I've gotten here. caepaecaesurae You'vwe also mentioned more than once howv the fact other people care about both of us is a stumbling block palteringcecutiency To turn your paradise into hell the best I could, only you built it too well before I got here. caepaecaesurae ...wvhat havwe you tried to do? palteringcecutiency To be a thorn in your side, smear the dirt of your past all over for people to see, to tear people away from you, to turn them against you. Be a constant, fanged reminder that you're not the nice, harmless good highblood you convinced everyone of. ...none of it worked. caepaecaesurae ..I noticed the reminders. I did almost leavwe tumblr once. There's some wvho are more cautious around me than they wvould havwe been, and a fewv close to me wvho wvere not as friendly to the Alternian half of me wvhen I wvas split as I had hoped caepaecaesurae ... You're in your rights to complain about that sort of thing as openly as you care to. I don't think that counts as nefarious, no matter howv little I personally enjoy it wvhen it comes up. palteringcecutiency Goodness, really, let me just dig out my empty notebook of victories to jot this down, right next to the one time I got to someone before you did. caepaecaesurae .. I'm not going to fight you on this, either, Mituna. palteringcecutiency I'm not either, it doesn't matter. I've given up trying. The allies I have now are more than I expected after so long, enough to risk friendship at least, and I never was going to win no matter how hard I tried. There was just... a dream, I guess, of you being the powerless one this time around. Finally getting the upperhand on someone, get control of my life for once. Should've known better. caepaecaesurae WVould you actually feel better if you managed it? To stand, gloating, ovwer a defeated foe? caepaecaesurae You didn't like it on the roof of the castle. I'm not sure howv much you liked it, after asking Kur to showv me. palteringcecutiency That was /different/. That was me wanting to punch you and fucking up your pan instead! Any fun I got got immediately... fucked over, by that. caepaecaesurae I'm not strong enough to stand against you, Mituna. That's the other reason it's for the best that crush nevwer wvent anywvhere. palteringcecutiency ...you keep saying all this, but I've watched you for a sweep, here. You've done just as well as you did on Alternia, better even, since you have more at your disposal to use against me. How are you talking as if losing is inevitable when you've already /won/? caepaecaesurae I'vwe made friends, Mituna. I've tried to livwe my life. But the instant someone raises their vwoice, especially if they are in my clade, I lose my mind and go sit in a corner.  Hardly the most elegant of lifestyles. So I'vwe sought out peace, since it's all I knowv howv to handle. Spite has no place in my goals.  Only learning howv to exist again. WVhen I talk about standing against you, I mean a physical conflict.  I mean arguments.  I mean direct clashes, not ephemeral shadowv-games. I'm not playing any shadowv games. ...I knowv you don't believwe that and I'm not sure wvhy I'm letting myself try to talk about it again. caepaecaesurae My "vwictory" is a life wvhere I don't get hurt.  I hope that's not mutually exclusivwe wvith wvhatevwer vwictory condition you set for yourself. palteringcecutiency I... I don't... have, any. caepaecaesurae You may havwe an easier time reaching your goals, if you havwe some to reach Pick one.  Start somewvhere. palteringcecutiency ...I barely remember how to be a troll, Cro. There's... not a lot within reach. Heh, you're doing bounds and leaps better than I am, if you ever need someone to compare yourself to and come out looking better. caepaecaesurae Perhaps it feels safer, to havwe your goals all focus on tearing dowvn others, than on constructing things of your owvn.  ...I'm sure it wvas a necessity, and that the alternativwes are ancient and dusty, and I understand, and I don't blame you for it a bit. caepaecaesurae ..I'vwe had a head start, and far more luck.  I rely on my quadrants to help lead and guide me.  Sometimes my clade. ...They'vwe been helping. caepaecaesurae Evwen trying to find a goal, is a goal. palteringcecutiency ...mn. ...there's only so much anyone can do when the night's goal is 'accept having skin' and it's failed. The simple is out of reach, the beyond basic... I have been trying for... ages, in the bubbles, and I've gotten this far only to be stripped of what helped. It is. Remarkably difficult to be... hopeful, and positive, while drowning in failure. caepaecaesurae Could Sparks use technical skill or his access to the bubbles and his afterlife to arrange something that wvould help at all? caepaecaesurae ..I knowv it's hard.  I'm sorry I alwvays make it sound like there's some solution hanging just out of reach.  It feels like the opposite of givwng up, somehowv. palteringcecutiency ...he's offered to assist me in... garnering an electronic connection, but. There is a general consensus that I am not allowed to have one, and if I got one regardless, I'd be dragged out of the systems far sooner than later. palteringcecutiency It's just... frustrating, and I'm... tired, of trying constantly, of being told the fixes aren't allowed as they aren't 'healthy' enough. caepaecaesurae Maybe they'd be more open to some things, if they came wvith a scheduled, organized calendar of howv long you wvere intending to use each crutch to guide yourself forwvards.  ..not that the timing wvould be easy to guess. caepaecaesurae I'm sorry people are havwing emotions about the solutions you seek.  I'm sorry evwerything is this wvay, and I sincerely wvish it wvas easier for you. ..do any of your alternates havwe meaningful advwice about the early stages of a return to independance? palteringcecutiency ...each case is different. One still refers to himself as a machine, rejecting trollhood. One tried to exist as a troll alone, but gave up mortality to get the connection back, missing it far too much. The third... we have not spoken on such matters yet. ...none of them wish to abandon their wetware permanently, and never have, so... they do not have advice on that for me. caepaecaesurae Far from a simple puzzle, though you knowv that already. caepaecaesurae WVould gaining the connection wvithout losing the body be a step forvward?  WVould control of some robbotic drone, that you could use to navwigate the wvorld instead of the fleshier body? palteringcecutiency ...it is losing the body that I want. The connection is just... what makes that possible. caepaecaesurae ...WVould it be rude to keep asking details, to see if I can think of anything you havwen't? ..should I let it go? palteringcecutiency If you are... willing, to hear the answers, I... have no problem, giving them. It's... not pleasant, though. To warn you. caepaecaesurae Is it the sensory aspect of havwing a body, some sot of germ thing, or something else? palteringcecutiency I... abandoned my wetware, my body, for... centuries, to... because of Her. My pan expects steel and wire of a ship, it feels muscle and blood and signals something is wrong, desperately wrong, upsettingly wrong, and /focuses/ on it, so that even a slightest twitch of a muscle sounds like surround sound at max volume. ...not every night but... more often than not. Organics... have all sorts of awful reactions to stimuli, things that make no sense, things that hinder what should be easy, and I was free of all that, and now I am crammed into a fleshbag and forced to feel all of it again, and for what? For what purpose? What is so much better about being like this than being how I was? caepaecaesurae So.. if something could make all of the organic body senses into an electronic readout like you're used to dealing wvith, that might help? WVhile still keeping you awvay from depersonalizing yourself, like they're afraid of? palteringcecutiency The... distance, too. Filters, I suppose? I... do not /need/ this data, I know I'm in a fleshbag, I know I am using its muscles, I /made that decision/. But it won't shut up and stop being so /wrong/, and I can't edit filters like this, and I can't /escape/ to anywhere and I just- It's /maddening/. caepaecaesurae The control to be able to adjust wvhich information you are receivwing? caepaecaesurae Sparks' afterlife ovwerlaps heavwily wvith the realm of dreams.  You may consider asking if he can wvake you up, and allowv you the chance to escape wvhen asleep, if that is a middleground that wvould help. You cannot sleep all the time, but you must sleep often enough that perhaps it could be of use palteringcecutiency ...when I sleep, I dream of )(er. I use a 'coon, unless I am with... trusted trolls. caepaecaesurae WVhen I slept, I dreamt of Arlequin's men. ..until Sparks movwed my dreamer to a stabilized castle wvhere nightmares do not dwvell. palteringcecutiency ...then, it is... successful, at that, at least. That's... good, for you as well. ...the, mutability of the bubbles was... favorable, letting things shift as I needed them or didn't, but... with life everything is... permanent, choices must be made and lived with. But with mutability comes... )(er. Do... you think, something... between, is even possible? caepaecaesurae I'm sure he'd givwe you your owvn stabilized realm outside the castle if you wvished privwacy and distance along wvith your peace.  As wvell, I'm sure you could wvork out some kind of wvay to allowv...disrete, controlled episodes of mutability. caepaecaesurae Evwen an on-off swvitch may do it. palteringcecutiency I. Still have to ask. I don't... know, if anyone will... object. It seems... too close, to what they do not like. caepaecaesurae At the vwery least, ask about the dream castle.  You could freely exit it wvhenevwer you wvished, if you sought mutability. And return, if you maintained control. caepaecaesurae I also suspect he wvould not mind seeking you out during nightmare to cause harm to your enemies. I believwe he's mentioned doing that for another, once or twvice. Dream vwisions may havwe no substance, but they can still be harmed by an outsider wvho is not under their spell. palteringcecutiency He'd. He'd 5ee. He'd kn0w. caepaecaesurae ... Sorry chief. Your call.  I think he'd be glad to help you any wvay you let him do so, though. palteringcecutiency 5orry. 5. S. Sorry. I. I just. He doesn't need that, in his head. And you're. Right, he does want to help, enough to say yes when. He shouldn't. caepaecaesurae I think he'd be fine, but I'm a selfish old man wvho trusts him to knowv his limits. Maybe you're right. palteringcecutiency I once trusted that, but then he passed out and dropped from the sky and I found myself less inclined to. caepaecaesurae Granted he can be a bit exciteable. Tempted to make a contextless callout post telling him to take care of himself. palteringcecutiency Do it, the dash is on the topic anyway. caepaecaesurae WVhat a coincidence.

[methodicalauxilium]

»~ Didn't you, just earlier, say that you don't like to kill people? ~>

»~ And you don't have to be pleasant to be likable ~>

[palteringcecutiency]

> Psii: Be... reasonable.

palteringcecutiency ...I suppose I should answer your question, now that I am... around, again, but. Seeing as no one else is ignoring what transpired, it seems... pointless, to attempt here. Unless your perspective suggests something else.

caepaecaesurae I'm playing second fiddle here chief, I'll followv your lead. Seems reasonable enough

palteringcecutiency ...you needn't.

caepaecaesurae I seem to consistently get it wvrong wvhen I don't

palteringcecutiency ...succumbing to fear isn't the answer either, you realize. Especially when... misplaced.

caepaecaesurae I'm glad you had a good evwening, wvith wvhoevwer you vwisited wvith that night

palteringcecutiency Dodges aren't either, especially with one who... regrets, that it has come to this.

caepaecaesurae I'm just trying to agree wvith you.

palteringcecutiency And I am trying to find out how much of that is because I theoretically could come after you again out of anger. ...so perhaps I could lessen that.

caepaecaesurae Not a convwersation I expected

palteringcecutiency ...before, I would have agreed, but. I must admit, this. Was on my mind, from the beginning, of this.

caepaecaesurae I'vwe nevwer had much luck guessing wvhat's on your mind

palteringcecutiency ...as were my intentions, a small advantage where few were had. But. ...never this, you shouldn't... be this... terrified, of me. Of things that won't happen.

caepaecaesurae You keep referring to it as fear, and I'm not sure I prefer that phrasing

palteringcecutiency Because of inaccuracies or because it is too... blunt?

caepaecaesurae It's at least partly my ego complaining.

palteringcecutiency Pardon, then, to your ego, but I am not exactly here to pander to it. It'd hardly be... helpful.

caepaecaesurae It's noticeably easier to answver direct questions wvhen I'm not fighting a wvar on twvo fronts

palteringcecutiency ...then what term would balance between not ruffling feathers and not obfuscating matters too deeply?

caepaecaesurae I.. often use vwagueries like "upset". I barely let Kankri use wvords more specific

palteringcecutiency Your... inclinations, towards avoidance and away from the... precise, is hard to miss. But. They do the problem a... disservice.

caepaecaesurae Alternia has done most of us a disservwice in the skills it taught. There are times that I see in you a friend that I havwe missed, and mourned, and sorely do not deservwe, as you havwe reminded me on many occasions. There are times that I see the man that deservwes to avwenge himself, but believwes he cannot, wvith the temperament that ensures a change in those wvinds could come at any time wvith no wvarning. Surely, if I knewv howv to comport myself, I could dodge wvhatevwer it is that makes our convwersations periodically end in flames. ...but I don't. All I can do is my best, and try not to say the wvrong thing Yet.

palteringcecutiency ...it is not that I believe I cannot claim vengeance, it is that... it, disgusts me. There is no solution, there is nothing to soothe it, believe me Cronus, I have tried. This entire time, I have tried, but... to kill you would only bring backlashes to make everything oh so much worse, to turn the tables... I. I cannot give you what I... received. I. The thought twists at me, it. Is not a thing I want. Reparation... what would begin to ease this? I. Do not know. ...and now my pan speaks of friendship, of time spent in enjoyment, of... how much I miss you, despite what happened. Torment...is more hollow now, than before, if this is... what happens, instead of... anything else. ...perhaps, then, things should... change, so things stop... ending in flames.

caepaecaesurae I don't knowv howv, but it sounds nice.

palteringcecutiency I've. Being a trickster... tipped my cards to the table, so. It seems... foolish, to pretend I... still hold those secrets. I. Can promise nothing, but. Perhaps that will help.

caepaecaesurae Secrets?  That you miss friendship?

palteringcecutiency ...that I'm harmless.

caepaecaesurae I think you havwe a broad definition of that wvord

palteringcecutiency ...and perhaps you are... too... jumpy, to believe me.

caepaecaesurae An unfortunate irony Perhaps wve're both on more equal footing than wve tend to like to believwe

palteringcecutiency Are we?

caepaecaesurae WVe're both just here. No one wvants to choose betwveen us, and no one is going to. WVe are both strong, and free, and havwe no idea howv to handle that.

palteringcecutiency Mn.

caepaecaesurae I don't knowv. I don't knowv howv to do anything but followv your lead, here.

palteringcecutiency ...and if I am... just as lost?

caepaecaesurae Then wve'll fumble around until wve find something.

palteringcecutiency ...is that. Something you want?

caepaecaesurae Do you?

palteringcecutiency Does your answer hinge on mine?

caepaecaesurae Is it wvorth it to hurt ourselvwes seeking a peace that you don't wvant? I miss being your friend, but all too often wvhat I wvant isn't wvhat's right or best.

palteringcecutiency So that makes your opinion on the matter worthless? It's just as pointless to fight for something only one of us wants if that person is me.

caepaecaesurae It sounds like wve both wvant to find some path through this.

palteringcecutiency I would agree, aside from one of us hedging around the edges to avoid committing to anything.

caepaecaesurae

palteringcecutiency

caepaecaesurae Then there wve go

palteringcecutiency Then there we go. c:

caepaecaesurae I havwe no idea wvhat trying to be friends wvill look like.

palteringcecutiency ...I wish I could say, I am. Sorely out of practice. Aside from calling you on your avoidance, that certainly will remain.

caepaecaesurae I'll try to let you knowv if it gets wvorse. I'm not as robust as I once wvas.

palteringcecutiency Which in particular? There... is certainly a lot between us that can... get worse.

caepaecaesurae My nerwes act up sometimes. If it's a bad night, and something's too much

palteringcecutiency ...something I can. Understand well.

caepaecaesurae I havwen't alwvays been particularly diplomatic or helpful about subjects like that.  I'm starting to acquire a familiarity. Unfortunately. It's a wvork in progress.

palteringcecutiency ...what can I do to ease that?

caepaecaesurae I don't knowv.

palteringcecutiency :c

caepaecaesurae There's no general guidelines to givwe, nothing I could justify asking, just If I need a break I'll try to mention it.

palteringcecutiency ...ask anyway. If it's unreasonable, I'll say as such and move on.

caepaecaesurae I don't take accusations and fault wvell, wvhich is particularly inconvwenient wvhen I am actually at fault for things. I don't take unpredictability wvell, wvhere things seem initially fine and then suddenly there's a wvhirlwvind of consequences that are my owvn fault and must be dealt wvith. There's no real wvay to guard me from my owvn shortsightedness.

palteringcecutiency ...and yet you wish to try for friendship with me? Enough... to subject yourself to... all of that? Constantly?

caepaecaesurae I miss being able to take all that. I miss being sure that anyone wvas joking. I miss talking that wvay, and you.

palteringcecutiency ...I cannot say anything about accusations, as I am... me, mostly, but. I can be straightforward, and invite questions if things grow hazy.

caepaecaesurae It helps. In the end wve'll just do our best, and it wvill wvork or it wvon't, and that's fine. I don't havwe the right to ask you to bend ovwer backwvards for this, and I don't wvant you to. WVe'll see wvhat wve can do.

palteringcecutiency You're hardly the first to ask me to talk plainly, and I'm fully capable, I assure you.

caepaecaesurae Is it really being your friend if I don't let you be yourself?

palteringcecutiency ...obfuscation is a tactic, not who I am Cronus. A thought spoken plainly is the same thought told through twists and turns.

caepaecaesurae WVe are wvhat wve say and wvhat wve do

palteringcecutiency Then you'd best tell Kankri that he's been repressing my true self somehow, as I speak plainly with him.

caepaecaesurae Kankri is magic.

palteringcecutiency Nadaya, then.

caepaecaesurae I havwe no idea, wvith that one.

palteringcecutiency Perhaps because your pontificating is pretty theorizing rather than what actually happens.

caepaecaesurae Thank you, my theories are vwery pretty. I garden them carefully and wvith skill, and arrange them just so.

palteringcecutiency It's very well done work, you've absolutely invested quite some time into getting them just right, and perfect for display. It's such a shame that the moment they leave the greenhouse, they kick it.

caepaecaesurae WVell, nothing's perfect.

palteringcecutiency Alas, and we can only mourn what could be. And admit that I'm right.

caepaecaesurae I'm not evwen sure wvhat wve're talking about anymore, so likely enough.

palteringcecutiency That a minor change in the presentation of information does not suddenly make me a fake impostor, nor you a horrid friend for requesting it of me.

caepaecaesurae I'll havwe to take your wvord for it

palteringcecutiency I suppose you will, seeing as I'll be doing it regardless of if you've actually asked it of me.

caepaecaesurae That should be an experience to behold I'll look forwvard to it

palteringcecutiency c: I'll make sure there is a fainting couch available.

caepaecaesurae I'll be sure to make a showv of it evwery time I use it.

palteringcecutiency I expect nothing less. c:

caepaecaesurae > ..It was strange not to see the little smiles as an immediate threat, but a pleasant novelty.  Cronus really had missed his friend.

palteringcecutiency > You'd be glad to hear that, if you ever do. In fact, you were expecting him to request that you abstain from the emotes entirely, before you got distracted with being stubborn and correct. Perhaps you'll ask him about it first. However-

...I feel the need to say good light, as I'm drifting and this is decidedly not aflame.

caepaecaesurae It's been a pleasure talking to you. Rest wvell.

palteringcecutiency Likewise. c:

[stormpainter]

💭💭 palteringcecutiency

..werent expecting this one, weren’t expecting much of anything honest though

hes real bad hurting and all spikey edges to try to make sure he aint get hurt more

he probably aint gonna like me cause me n cae were a thing. or if he found out what I’ve done. I wonder if he knows cause I’m not.. real private about that

[brackishbarracuda]

> that is the saltiest non answer youd seen in a while

> ...you like this guy 

[immutablethroes]

@palteringcecutiency reblogged your post:PHOTOS ARE GREAT BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE A TENDENCY TO...

I cannot guarantee a conversation will last any sort of length, but a hello in return, I suppose.

IT’S ALREADY QUALIFIED FOR “ANY SORT OF LENGTH”, SO I’LL OPTIMISTICALLY SUGGEST WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD START, REGARDLESS OF YOUR UNCERTAINTIES.

MY NAME IS SIARRA, AND THOUGH I DON’T PREFER TO GO BY MY TITLES, I’M NOT OPPOSED TO BEING CALLED UPON BY MOST NICKNAMES OR URL. 

[twinaudacity]

==> Ramble for nights

Last Monday at 4:18 AM

palteringcecutiency It is a result of my being a chimera one of a few. There are quite a few fickle connections in my pan and the ones governing sight are among them.

twinaudacity oh! okay 2o why are you playiing *bliind*

palteringcecutiency Because this has been a thing for my entire life both of them and it has never been a hindrance. I see through my psionics and my other senses. Most do not even realize this happens.

twinaudacity how do you u2e p2iioniic2 two 2ee?

palteringcecutiency I spread out the fields as far as they will go faint and undetectable to anyone without psionics themselves and even then. I can feel where things are how they are shaped down to fine details. If I am trying to read something I can send electrical charges through it and tell where things hitch at different rates indicating ink or graphite on the surface.The list goes on.

twinaudacity holy 2hiit ..ii2nt holdiing the fiield liike that for long periiod2 of tiime hard?

palteringcecutiency Not if you practice enough. c: It's second nature to me now has been since I was barely a wiggler.

twinaudacity that2 ju2t really really cool

palteringcecutiency c: I've been known to be on occasion.

twinaudacity ehehehe

palteringcecutiency I do admit I am remarkably curious to know if your ancestor had the same annoyance in his life. One would think he would tell a quadrant at the very least but I am unsure.

twinaudacity ii have no iidea, iit2 never been mentiioned iin any of the rambliing2 from eiither ampora

palteringcecutiency Very curious.

twinaudacity although ii know ed doe2nt thiink much of my attentiion 2pan ii thiink he would have brought iit up though

palteringcecutiency Does he think much of anything not relating to him? One would agree but it seems a rather big difference between us if he didn't.

twinaudacity ii thiink, iin partiicular e2peciially wiith u2 becau2e we're chiimera2, that the genetiic grab bag miight be more randomiized

twinaudacity becau2e liike um okay 2o half alt liike2 po2tiing piicture2 of hii2 junk and whatever riight? miine2 not liike hii2

twinaudacity 2o there are 2ome diifference2, whiich mean2 we've got tiimeliine2 that are parallel but not exactly the 2ame? ii gue22?

palteringcecutiency ...that would certainly explain a lot of things. If you are correct. And I do not doubt you but. Fuck if that isn't bizarre.

twinaudacity all ii know for 2ure ii2 that he need2 two 2top takiing diick piic2 and iit2 not what ii look liike pretty 2ure no one want2 more data than that

palteringcecutiency I. Am sure he's. Quite within his rights to take said. Pictures. But if I could ask a favor for this to not be. So central. To this topic. Please. Last Monday at 6:57 PM

twinaudacity oh yeah 2ure, of cour2e uh. 2o anyhow he miight not have been conditiionally bliind Last Monday at 10:06 PM

palteringcecutiency Thank you. I cannot say your timeline gets less bizarre when a new discovery is found to almost an impressive degree. Perhaps a touch reassuring but otherwise curious. Yesterday at 3:11 AM

twinaudacity 2orry ii got pulled away agaiin rea22uriing?

palteringcecutiency It's quite fine. Ah. Despite my best efforts it's been. Rather difficult to look at your timeline and not wonder if I did something wrong while looking for a split off point. But if your Psiioniic was not me the search is less. Pointed.

twinaudacity well ii mean liike. arent all P2iioniic2 you though?

palteringcecutiency In theory and in examination of the multiverse as a whole yes they are. But comparing us together on a personal level we are remarkably different for being so similar.

twinaudacity doe2 thii2 mean half alt ii2nt really me eiither?

palteringcecutiency No he is not and never has been. You two are remarkably similar for being alternates or half alternates in this case but you have never not been yourself and he himself. Alternates are not interchangeable no matter how close their timelines relate.

twinaudacity ii mean. ii diidnt really thiink he wa2 me "me" but liike, he could have been me?

palteringcecutiency He might have if all the variables were the same but in that case he would no longer be him he would be you wouldn't he?

twinaudacity ..ii gue22 2o

palteringcecutiency ...these sorts of things are tricky to think about. No one is prepared for the concept of alternates.

twinaudacity iit2 really a triip hone2tly

palteringcecutiency I am unsure anyone truly gets used to it. I certainly haven't.

twinaudacity iit doe2 make you 2ort of ii gue22 thiink about the thiing2 you do and diid when you can 2ee how iit miight have gone diifferent?

palteringcecutiency It does and unfortunately gives you another scale to compare yourself against. It comes with benefits of course but lord does it complicate everything as well.

twinaudacity a few of miine are liiteral god2 and rebel2 ii'm liike fuckiing. you know friiend2 wiith gz and ff? and ii have the company more or le22 only giiven two me becau2e a really old fii2h man ii2 ea2iily entertaiined

palteringcecutiency Perhaps your acquisition of it was lackluster but you have certainly used it to your advantage. A free for all for a genius to advance wherever he'd like. ...I do not measure up to many of my alternates either so I can sympathize with the feeling.

twinaudacity ii thiink you're great

palteringcecutiency And I think you are as well. c:

twinaudacity :D

palteringcecutiency Lord that much cheer is practically blinding.

twinaudacity iit2 ju2t an emote :p

palteringcecutiency Am I incorrect about what it represents?

twinaudacity me beiing deliighted?

palteringcecutiency That is what I had inferred yes.

twinaudacity :p :p

palteringcecutiency Pardon if this is unwanted but you are quite frankly adorable.

twinaudacity ii'm the cute2t, the magziine2 all thiink ii'm hot 2hiit and mourn the fact that ii'm mo2tly taken ;) who wiill be the lucky troll who 2tand2 between me and a bad piitch encounter! iit could be you ju2t look at thii2 hot grey 2tud a2h* you know what ii mean

palteringcecutiency Lord that sounds frustrating. I cannot imagine having my relationships or lack there of under a microscope. Or at least moreso than they already are by my brother. But at least that isn't a stranger.

twinaudacity ii'm not 2ure aa'2 goiing two put up wiith beiing bothered by pre22 over me much longer, e2peciially not cha2iing tv'2 taiilcoat2, 2o they'll probably have lot2 two 2ay about my pale quadrant 2oon two

palteringcecutiency I'm sorry to hear that.

twinaudacity we've been kiinda growiing apart for a whiile, iit happen2 2he2 a 'reaper roady and ii'm not that exciitiing

palteringcecutiency :c

twinaudacity hey no 2hh iit'll be okay, ii promii2e, ii'm not 2ure what two do but iit2 probably fiine yeah? 2he ju2t really love2 two watch the world burn and ii'm not a de2a2ter anymore

palteringcecutiency If she was only with you because of your personal chaos... that does not sound like a strong relationship to begin with. If it was deeper than that and you love her still why have you not discussed this with her?

twinaudacity ..becau2e 2he2 never around anymore. 2he wa2 alway2 re2tle22 two begiin wiith and ii woudlnt want two weiigh her down

palteringcecutiency This still remains something to discuss instead of something to weather. You might have assumed incorrectly or missed something vital.

twinaudacity ii miight have? but ii thiink iit ha2 more two do wiith me 2ettliing down and her 2eekiing her next adventure

palteringcecutiency Why are you so reluctant to speak to her on this?

twinaudacity becau2e ii'm pretty 2ure when we have that conver2atiion 2he2 goiing two confiirm 2he want2 two move on

palteringcecutiency And you would rather hold on to wisps of smoke than finish the separation?

twinaudacity ..ye2

palteringcecutiency Even if it means risking chasing her off by being silent and distant about your problems?

twinaudacity ):

palteringcecutiency There is a chance you are too focused on the worst that could happen and grasping at what you think you have left and missed something positive something you can fix.

twinaudacity that tiime when you dont know whether iit2 anxiiety or prophecy

palteringcecutiency Even if it was prophecy it does not mean that you must automatically lay down and take it.

twinaudacity ii'll thiink about iit, we 2hould probably talk anyhow

palteringcecutiency Good. c:

twinaudacity thank2 for talkiing two me, ii notiiced you werent on the da2h twoniight

palteringcecutiency Of course I enjoy speaking with you. c: ...ah. Yes. I have been avoiding posting. A friend of mine has been anonned into a younger version who will deal with my existence even worse than he does now. I'm... trying to save him from dealing with that. From being too curious for his own good.

twinaudacity ): ii'm 2orry two hear about your friiend, how doe2 uh 'anonniing' happen?

palteringcecutiency The anon function on the inbox allows some variety of magic to be weaved through it one that can do a great number of things to its targets. The downside to connecting to the multiverse I'm afraid. They are usually cruel creatures though I have heard tale of them being useful. I've never seen it but I suppose anything's possible.

twinaudacity they do what how the fuck doe2 that work

twinaudacity ii'm turniing off anon

palteringcecutiency I do not blame you. Mine is off as well. I've gotten two so far and both were absolutely miserable.

twinaudacity why would anyone let that happen?

palteringcecutiency Sometimes the results are fun. Sometimes one wishes to provide normal anonymity to people asking questions. ...sometimes one forgets it was open for the latter and was not closed afterwards.

twinaudacity that2 faiir forgettiing ii2 a cur2e

palteringcecutiency It is yes. When it is not a blessing.

twinaudacity ii feel liike that 2econd one happen2 le22 for me than you

palteringcecutiency ...I doubt that considerably. It is more. Wishful thinking.

twinaudacity ii'm 2orry two hear ..all the bad thiing2 are over riight? ii dont need two liike kiidnap you here or 2omethiing?

palteringcecutiency That is sweet of you to offer. c: But I am alright so far.

twinaudacity good iif you need a place ii have no iidea how two get you here but you can come here and liike buiild 2hiit wiith me iit'll be fun

palteringcecutiency I have access to transportalizers if it becomes necessary. And if it is a way back would probably not be needed. Either way the idea of building with you sounds delightful. c:

twinaudacity ..talk two me about tran2portaliizer2 what are tho2e?

palteringcecutiency They're a specific kind of teleportation device ones that connect to a network to prove easy of transport.

twinaudacity a network? do they u2e actual locatiion tag2 or do they u2e locatiion2 on the network?

palteringcecutiency Both. The most common use is to plug in a specific set of coordinates and they will take whatever's on the pad to those coordinates. The network allows for different tricks and lower If one has one with sufficient power one can connect to the multiverse's network instead of just the host universe. [[ fuck ]] [[ ignore that I'll resend as less of a mess ]]

palteringcecutiency Both. The most common use is to plug in a specific set of coordinates and they will take whatever's on the pad to those coordinates. The network allows for different tricks and ease of selecting a pad to a point. If one has one with sufficient power one can connect to the multiverse's network instead of just the host universe at which point choosing a pad off the network becomes quite impossible as there are too many to comb through with trollish methods. Yesterday at 2:42 PM

twinaudacity how doe2 iit briidge the two poiint2, do you know? Yesterday at 8:40 PM

palteringcecutiency I might, I'm rather familiar with technology as a whole, and could find out if I was incorrect. Curious about them for any particular reason?

twinaudacity iit2 ea2iier two make 2omethiing when you have a better under2tandiing of previiou2 de2iign2

palteringcecutiency I thought that might be your goal, though I can hardly blame you.

twinaudacity ii'm really hopiing they're not at all liike the popular tv 2eriie2'2 tran2porter2 becau2e tho2e are ghoulii2h

palteringcecutiency The ones that send one bit at a time? Or has your timeline created something worse?

twinaudacity the one2 on the tv 2how work by ..ba2iically kiilling you and makiing a copy at the new locatiion

palteringcecutiency Oh lord. No, transportalizers do not work like that. The bubbles would be overflowing otherwise.

twinaudacity yeah ii wa2nt really eager two explore that avenue of iin2piiratiion

palteringcecutiency Quite understandable, for a multitude of reasons, good lord.

twinaudacity are we talkiing about foldiing 2pace or piierciing iit

palteringcecutiency Insistent little thing, aren't you? Not that'd you'd be a Captor without it.

twinaudacity ..ii wonder iif you could do iit liike the 2ylladexe2, captcha 2omeone iin one 2pot and uncaptcha them iin the other, iit2 ba2iically ju2t moviing them briiefly iintwo a pocket diimentiion..

palteringcecutiency Is this a personal project that you'd keep to yourself, or would you be using your company to achieve it?

twinaudacity iif iit2 a problem II can fiigure iit out my2elf wiithout cheatiing ;)

palteringcecutiency I have no doubt. c: But I think that's for the best. Your timeline is not prepared for the technological leap of instant transport. The time it takes for you to unravel it, especially if you use your company to do it, will allow for people to find the problems and solutions to them on a greater scale.

twinaudacity iit2 goiing two be iinvaluable wiith keepiing iin contact wiith the colony planet2, 2o ii need two get on iit

palteringcecutiency Ah, yes, that would be a problem for you, wouldn't it. Perhaps wise, then.

twinaudacity we do have ftl driive2 but that2 a liittle liimiitiing and iinterceptable

palteringcecutiency How so? Forgive me, but I'm rather curious about that field of study.

twinaudacity a 2iingle or multiiple ve22el2 can only carry 2o much and you have two plan ahead for what2- a  periigee2 journey at lea2t? II thiink? and you cant get emergency 2upplie2 out fa2t enough plu2 ii hear we're 2tartiing two get 2ome piirate raiider problem2, or we already had them and iit wa2 kept hu2h

palteringcecutiency Good lord. I'll certainly keep opinions of that to myself as I'm sure your engineers are doing their best with what they have, but fuck that sounds infuriating.

twinaudacity they're workiing wiith thou2and 2weep old genetiic 2ample2 that have been copiied countle22 tiime2 gue22 who they really want two talk two ii'm currently iignoriing memo2 from my own company urgently a2kiing me for 2ome genetiic te2tiing ju2t becau2e ii feel petty about them wantiing my gene2

palteringcecutiency I can hardly blame you. c: I believe I'd do the same.

twinaudacity on the other hand when ii 2top iignoriing them and deciide two giive the engiineer2 a bone and fool around wiith our current engiine de2iign2 we'll be the top of the market agaiin

palteringcecutiency A commodity needs to be shared at the right time for maximum reward, after all. They've been using grown genetics for power though? A curious thought, possibly one with potential.

twinaudacity yeah iit2 ju2t cloned biioma22, iit2 iinf uckiing

all of our product2 2o ii really 2hould 2top iignoriing them and let them update theiir genetiic profiile and get riid of the copy error2

palteringcecutiency A very curious thought, one I believe I need to play with some. Ultimately that is your choice. One's body and self is a precious thing, and not to be given out lightly. ...though I may be more biased about that than others might, pardon.

twinaudacity ..how fa2t 2hould our 2hiip2 be, out of curiou2iity

palteringcecutiency Ah. Well. I suppose it is more 'could be.' I am unfamiliar with using a cloned biomass in place of... our power source, and do not know how they would compare. And there was a variable length depending on... power, and size of the ship, but. The idea of the Battleship taking perigees to get /anywhere/ is ridiculous and almost insulting.

twinaudacity obviiou2ly we need two retool 2omethiing, iif tho2e 2peed2 are po22iible. although we're obviiou2ly not goiing ah. the route you're talkiing about

palteringcecutiency Yes, as... effective, as it was, I would be horrified if you gave it a thought. It is not worth it. Not at all. But it is certainly possible. Incredibly possible in fact. The jumps I made were not small ones, and made quickly. ...if you'd like to stop speaking on this, please let me know. I am. Far more used to this topic, more than most everyone really. And sometimes I forget that, so please, remind me.

twinaudacity ii'll let you know iif ii get two bothered ii promii2e jump2? ii under2tand goiing 2o fa2t you pha2e 2hiift and 2top iinteractiing normally wiith matter

palteringcecutiency Thank you. It was a different method than that, one with literal jumps. The ship would hop out of reality for a moment, to another place, and then hop back in at its destination. Not an easy thing to manage, and quite draining as well.

twinaudacity ....ii2 telliing me how you do that cheatiing

palteringcecutiency Why, yes it is. c:

twinaudacity diick2

palteringcecutiency But I /can/ tell you that you will need a hell of a power source and a great deal of quick math to accomplish it, which is why helmsmen were so appealing. Two for one deal, and for a low cost over all. Again, not recommended, but some place perhaps to start.

twinaudacity ii wouldnt even know where two 2tart wiith that 2hiit becau2e all that re2earch wa2 de2troyed, 2o iit2 a good thiing ii'm not iintere2ted. math and power huh?

palteringcecutiency I'm sure there's places you could get it if you truly wanted it. I have a remarkably intimate knowledge of the Battleship and my rig for being in it for so long, and I plan to use it as inspiration with my own mechanical dabbling. And while I would not give you detailed plans again, I trust you with the knowledge enough to lay things out for you, explain how it worked. And yes. Leaving one's universe takes a great deal of energy, let alone taking an entire ship and all its contents with you. And there is an extraordinary number of variables to keep track of to make sure nothing goes horribly, horribly wrong, and a great many places to apply them to make what you want actually happen.

twinaudacity we already 2tore thiing2 iin liitle 2mall generated pocket uniiver2e2 ii can fiigure thii2 out

twinaudacity iit2 ju2t. much much larger

palteringcecutiency c:

twinaudacity god2 now ii have a miilliion thiing2 open famiiliiariizing my2elf wiith the 2pace program and ii blame you

palteringcecutiency I cannot say I am sorry, for quite a number of reasons.

twinaudacity II already had wo many project2

palteringcecutiency Did you? Consider me shocked, I would not have guessed.

twinaudacity :p

[twotoned2marta22-blog]

@palteringcecutiency Thank2 for the 2upport.

[wirrrp]

RE:S Cliffnotes : Sparks and Psii

GD: Hey have you heard how fine cae is? PC: ... I might have an inkling. GD: Did you kick his ass because he's an ex-slaver, hit on you, or possibly because he told you this really hilarious joke that you know triggers me? PC: ...Nnnno, GD: C'mon, spill PC: Okay.

GD: You already have two whole Jesus in your life, so have you considered drugs? PC: YOU'RE NOT TAKING ME ALIVE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING CAE'S BEHIND ALL OF THIS ISN'T HE I UNDERSTAND E V E R Y T H I N G GD: ... what the actual fuck?  You literally had to tell me what happened because he won't. PC: Oh, don't play coy, I GET IT NOW, ADMIT IT GD: ... ... ... ??????

PC: YOU KNOW WHO'S FINE, I'M FINE!

GD: Okay, fuck this.

> Sparks : Throw a bucket of icewater on your dancestor

PC: ?!?!?!?!  FUCK YOU I'M STILL FINE GD: Bullshit! PC: SO WHAT?

> Sparks : Hug your dancestor. > Psii : Burst into tears.

PC: okay, so, I'm really sad and I love you and I appreciate everything you're doing here, but you're still definitely part of cae's plan and I wish you could see THE TRUTH(TM) like I do. GD: I really really wish I could explain to you all of the ways that is wrong and makes me want to cry, but I'm going to hand you off to one of your jesuses instead. PC: okay. GD: :c

[secret-delirium]

Hehe. ^_^

He's so sassy! He probably wouldn't take kindly to my amusement though, huh. What's the appropriate response? Am I supposed to be annoyed? I'm never quite sure.

[amicicidalgambler]

I can’t find a post with this song to tag for Psii 8ut I’m doing so spiritually.

[caepaecaesurae]

Literally Mituna: …I’m… sorry.

Literally Cronus: look, it’s just my pan, i’ll deal wvith it

Literally Mituna: :(

[methodicalauxilium]

»- Announcement ->

»- I've been courting Mituna for about half a sweep ->

»- (Or, appro%imately, approaching a year) ->

»- And we've been not telling primarily because we didn't see the need and it was amusing ->

»- I am very glad he is in my life ->

[centaursreticle]

> Sky : Message Sparks

> You receive a very concerned message from the Signless, suggesting that Sparks and his dancestor may be having an altercation of some sort.  You thank him politely for the information, and soon fine an automated camera that has a reasonable view of that tower -- and hole where one of its windows used to be. > Zooming in, you see Sparks floating there with Twoblade, holding a bucket, looking into Psii's livingblock where a soaking-wet Psiionic has fallen off his chair.  There are altogether too many Captors present. > You message your kismesis.

centaursreticle D --> More graceful than a boulder, and yet still a thematically appropriate entrance for you D --> May I inquire as to your current activities geminidoomed he has spent the entire night accusing me of wanting to drug him insensible because of some imagined plot of Caesurae's to have someting done with the 'dangerous psionic' so I threw a buckets worth of ice water at him. centaursreticle D --> Is it helping geminidoomed I cant tell yet centaursreticle D --> Continue

> You steepled your fingers, and observed very seriously as words are exchanged.  Sparks comes closer, Psii freezes, Sparks hugs him, Psii bursts into tears. > You tap your fingers very lightly against one another.

centaursreticle D --> It appears to be helping geminidoomed thank god 2omethiing ii2 centaursreticle D --> Technically a pun geminidoomed II hate you centaursreticle D --> Yes

> You will watch somewhat, to ensure no explosions occur, but it appears that Sparks has it well in hand, despite his methods.  Occasionally, nonstandard techniques are required to handle a Captor properly. > You delay the repair-drones, telling them that the repairs to the new hole in the castle have already been assigned and are in-progress.  Either Sparks will fix it, or you will do so after he leaves.