#like I’ve met several people like this
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Oh? You’re worried about being accused of being a bigot? Did you complete the anti-discrimination training that was 30 minutes long? No? You thought it was stupid and too much work? Interesting, interesting…
#this is an… interesting type of person#look#every person I’ve met who’s feigned worry about being seen as bigoted :( they’re worried they’ll just get accused :((#has like#Not done the training#because it’s ’pointless’#like I’ve met several people like this#like it’s obvious they’re just claiming to be worried to feign ignorance or be upset if someone calls them out on their behavior#because like#it’s that easy to complete a 30 minute module about how NOT to discriminate against people#and microaggressions that are common and can be avoided#I’m talking primarily about college and how there’s one you’re supposed to complete#but every single person I’ve heard complain about never knowing what to say for people to stop calling them bigoted :( it’s so confusing#openly says that they think completing the module would be stupid and of course they haven’t done it#like obviously you just care about the consequences of being bigoted and you don’t want to put in the actual work#WHICH IS A 30 MINUTE MODULE#like yeah it won’t change Much#but it does clearly lay out what kinds of things are not okay to say#mistakes will still happen#but not even doing a 30 minute module?#at least do that
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A little 15 min doodle but first post of the year has to be Bingqiu!
#ok its time to get mushy in the tags because I doubt anyone would read them too closely#I’ve had severe art block for YEARS before I got into danmei in 2024#and it wasn’t that my skill was gone it’s just that I thought nothing I did was good enough#I started reading danmei around the summer of last year and I got SO INSPIRED#I dived into the fandom side of things (I haven’t been in a live fandom in years) and was so excited about all the art people were making#and writing! and music! and animatics!#everything was so bright and colorful and beautiful#and everyone had such cool designs for these book characters that I’d grown to love#so I took a chance and doodled a little Luo Binghe and posted him on here#and I was so taken aback by how welcoming and sweet the fandom was#it made me wanna keep taking chances and posting my art— because I think that’s one of the hardest things I’ve come to accept#that even if it’s not good enough for me#someone else may enjoy it#and ain’t it crazy that ive come to enjoy drawing again too#sure the interaction has been fun but it’s been even more fun experimenting with my style and experimenting with colors and rendering#and grayscale and angles#and composition and expressions#ahh!! art is so fun!! I forgot how fun it was!!#I had forgotten how much I loved to draw!!#and the fandom�� so many ideas are exchanged and I’ve met some of the loveliest people thru the sv fandom!#tgcf too but they’re a little less chill lmao#anyways#I’ve set up a little spot in the fandom and I plan to keep at it here it’s very nice and cozy and funny and warm#huge thanks to everyone for being so kind and welcoming#and an even bigger thanks to anyone who’s interacted with my art#I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that someone took the time out of their day to like/repost these silly little doodles I post#incredible. ok bye for now :)#svsss#bingqiu#hoot art
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i see a lot of talk of fellow adhd and autistic folk feeling like they’re too much for other people but i don’t see a lot of talk about feeling like you’re not enough. low energy adhd and autism where it takes a lot of effort to use words so your way of showing affection is to sit there and vibe in people’s presence but it comes off like you’re not paying attention or it’s not “active” enough to count, or forgetting to reply to DMs (or like i said, Words Hard), and it again comes off as you not caring or ignoring people. it’s really hard to be putting in so much effort to maintain friendships you value only for that effort to not be seen, or to be read as apathy, or for it to be seen but still not be what other people want. even worse when you try and talk more and be more active in a relationship but you end up burning yourself out because you don’t have enough energy to maintain it.
#starscream.txt#i struggle a lot with feeling like i’m not Enough of a presence for people#i like to just. listen to people. but i’ve had several people stop talking to me because me just listening comes off as me not caring#or finding them annoying#which it isn’t#and it fucking sucks. idk#i understand RSD and the need for validation so i don’t begrudge anyone that#i just wish i could be met on my field sometimes. i wish my natural behaviors didn’t read like apathy#or annoyance#i wish people could see my ways of showing affection for what they are#vent i guess
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I’m feeling quite sad about how much the active bts fandom on tumblr has shrunk and/ or how selective the community has become regarding content interaction. I’ve heard people pointing out a clique-building here lately, and while I’m well aware of closer mutual circles existing – and I can only speak on behalf of my friend group here – these pretty much develop naturally when there’s just no one else who reacts, reblogs from and talks to you anymore except for these handful of people. I don’t like that some people perceive these “cliques” as “exclusive”, for example to content creators only. that’s bullshit; it’s certainly not great to have only other cc’s support your work because they personally know how much time and effort it takes. also, knowing how lovely most of these people are, you’d get immediately followed back and showered with love too as soon as you’d even show a speckle of kindness on a regular basis, regardless of whether you make gifs yourself or not. ccs dedicating sets to each other isn’t a sign of exclusivity, but rather us holding onto and appreciating people who still give us at least some motivation to create and post in the first place anymore, because there’s quite literally no one else left by now.
#this is rather general so I’m putting more personal thoughts in the tags here#I really don’t feel like creating anymore :(#like I genuinely only post for birthdays or gifts cause I see no point in anything else anymore#at least that one person will care you know#I don’t post that much anymore but when I do I put so much love and effort into it#and it never feels good to click that post button anymore#also.#man it fucking stings to realise that people who follow you definitely scrolled past your own post#cause they reblogged sth from you that you posted before your self reblog#it makes me so so anxious and insecure#I’ve been pressuring myself to post so much only to be met with dismissiveness when I do#that doesn’t feel great in the slightest#I said a while ago that I don’t want to take a break and that I want to keep creating#but the disappointment lately was pretty drastic#I’ve been at this point several times before so it’ll probably pass again#but it’ll never not suck to see your days of work and creativity be ignored#it feels once again pointless to try to make original things#should just stick to 10 gifs of the same clip#or shirtless tannie gifs#it’ll get me the exact same recognition if not three to five times more#and takes so much less time
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Whenever I see people say that they “hate” Gavin, I’m like
Like, dislike him, sure but hate?
Why, cause he doesn’t like/is not nice to androids?
There’s other characters I can list of the top of my head that hate or hurt androids just as much or way more but I never see people talk about how “they’re trash” or “they deserve some horrible fate”
At this point, It honestly feels like the people who hate Gavin do so because
- He hurt Connor aka fandom fave
- Personal biases and issues and can’t seperate a fictional character from irl
- They actually like the damn character but instead of admitting it, they call him “garbage” and “want him dead” because they don’t want people to get mad at them.
#detroit: become human#dbh#gavin reed#I’ll own it straight up#I like Gavin Reed#yeah he’s not nice and sweet 100% of the time#so what#he’s a fictional character#me liking a character has no bearing on me as a person#I’ve see some people in this fandom like nice characters who are complete dicks#in fact I’d argue people who genuinely enjoy Gavin are nicer to be around than people who don’t#go figure#people also tend to call Gavin “ugly#which I won’t judge because everyone has their own tastes#but if you find him attractive#you allowed to say it#you don’t have to be backhanded about it#I find him attractive#I love his voice#and I think the “rat man jokes are just people again being backhanded#because they were convinced by the fandom that saying anything positive about Gavin would be met with severe hostility#mine#mine: texts#mine: dbh
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I think that if you asked tsukasa who wrote some random obscure play or what musical a 10 second instrumental clip was from he’d be able to answer correctly immediately & also be able to elaborate on that answer easily even if it has been years since he learned that information. but if you asked him to write down a math formula he literally learned that day or the name of someone he was introduced to five minutes ago he will have zero idea.
#it’s the adhd memory.#i can talk about previous hyperfixations at great length but I can’t remember the names of people I’ve met#10 times. like no yeah I know we’ve spoken several times but I don’t know your name. i know a lot of animal facts though.#tsukasa#mine#i say ‘I think’ when this is essentially canon
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wattpad is so crazy because users will leave comments expressing nothing but pure disdain and anger for whatever reason (y/n’s characterization, the decision to include original characters, temporary ships and subplots, etc)…like at a certain point i start to wonder if they realize that no one is forcing them to read anything 😭
#this is mostly about endure actually#that story got way too popular considering how inexperienced i was when i wrote it#it haunts me#but also it was never meant to be read by anyone but my best friend so a lot of things are just random or silly in it for no reason#‘they had makeup remover back then??’#idk but mikasa s1-2 was swinging around in that nyx butter gloss shade 05 crème brulee so shit they sure must’ve!!#also sorry y/n at the ripe age of nine wasn’t down to commit murder w the besties 💔#and that she had a crush on reiner…CRIME PUNISHABLE BY DEATH.#(literally)#there’s several wonderful people on wattpad and i’ve met some of my fav mutuals on there#but the user base overall is the reason i stopped posting on it#anyways sorry for the rant but long story short#i am by no means a perfect author but like. i’m going to write what i write and you can either choose to read it or click away#but there is no need for you put either of us through the strain that comes from leaving comments complaining abt what i choose to write :)#m’s thoughts
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you’ve probably already read it before, but the poem Party by Kim Addonizio really got me tonight. first thought was “oh man. yeah” and then my second thought was “how can i make this about my hockey guys somehow………..”anyway! have a good one!
oh. oh.
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#don’t think i’ve read this kim addonizio poem and it just blindsided me like a truck thank you so much#i. oh god. like yeah.#pour me shitfaced into your car i feel like you own a comforter extremely dysfunctional only in surface details like which person was the#black hole and the distant spark in space that might’ve been a star there’s something too with unrelenting mist / many-headed mist / missed#who knew mis(t)/sed had undone so many. while you keep an eye on the burner here’s hoping this flame doesn’t go out#the flame as in the spark as in don’t let me have pinned my hopes on you to watch it burn out again but also me. like please let me not go#and i think there’s something there too with the repetitive ‘i have just met you’ and i already love you that reminds me both of a story#colman domingo told abt meeting his partner i cry everytime i hear it right when he says ‘i think i love u &you’re about to change my life’#and i KNOW there’s another poem. and i feel like it maybe has a dog and it talks about how they don’t even know you but they love you#OH IT’S ALSO. OH MY GOD THAT’S IT. i mean not exactly so maybe i have read this before & it’s what has been haunting me for so long but#the opening line to tim seibles naïve is ‘i love you but i don’t know you’ - mennonite woman#the odds of that dog poem being a carl phillips poem is non-zero btw. his poems about dogs make me see shrimp colors (bertuzzi thesis)#ANYWAY. agreed. this is incredibly hockey and incredibly hurtful because they DO bond like this in 0.0001 seconds because if you can’t#you’re fucked. you have to just find somebody and fall in love with them and it’s the salmon and the triple cream brie like they got taken#out to some fancy meet the donors team night in their suits and one of them is dealing with a heartbreak and a trade and are the things#they think true or are they just missing what the used to have. jamie who used to empty and refill the ice tray YES sorry i have been a#little bit thinking that about the trevor dealing so poorly with the breakup and i wish i had another narrative (which i do) but it fits#trade deadline tragedy#and also the formation of a codependent rookies like. two guys that get drafted and brought up together and suddenly they’re doing#everything together and it’s your first time in the big show and none of your old college friends understand because they’re not there#and you can’t get it. like you think you know but they can’t understand and the loneliness and it IS guys taking care of each other#(alexa play harriet by hey rosetta! but specifically the bridge) and it’s just. i just!!! trying to fill up the missing pieces of your life#like i cannot convey WHOMST i am trying to pin this narrative to this is going to rotate for a long while i think#because it’s not a wild i fell in love with you at first sight it’s a you were kind to me when i was broken. and i love you for that.#like who is FALLING APART &happens to fall into someone else’s arms. purely for the partygirl aspect the devil (old hrpf) says ‘13 bennguin#who among us hasn’t fallen mildly briefly brilliantly in love with a stranger and imagined a future where you get everything you want#sometimes we love people for who they are and sometimes we love them for what we’re not and sometimes for who we think they’ll be#this was a very long way to say thank you for sharing <3 i will also be making this about my hockey guys <3#OH MY GOD IT’S DPAIRS. WHO’S BEEN THROUGH SEVERAL DPAIRS#nonny <3
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I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.
For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.
#ravenpuff rambles#I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times#several of whom are still in my life now#but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place#I don’t know how to explain it#I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit#and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me#maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind#never had someone quite get that before#and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart#admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming#and so maybe that helps#but it’s like#Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘#‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’#It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word#anyways#I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me#and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream#no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay#its nothing and everything like I always thought of#and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness#yes I wish I could see them in person#but I can be okay with everything I do get
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iii…. don’t know what romance is
#marzi speaks#being unlabelled arospec is very interesting#funny how that in and of itself is a label. irony. anyways#what the fuck is romance even. i know love. i feel that one#but like. romance….?????#everyone’s definition of romantic attraction is different….#i love my friends a lot and have several good friends who i like to spend time with and cuddle and flirt with#and if they wanted to kiss the homies i would. i wouldn’t like make out with them but a little mwah mwah is acceptable#i already blow my friends kisses all the time. sometimes real close friends will exchange kisses on the cheek or the top of the head with me#i’ve met really pretty people who i like to look at. it makes me really wanna make friends with them#so i make friends with them. and usually they’re already dating people so i let that attraction die off and now i have a cool friend#i thought i had crushes as a kid but in hindsight i’m not sure now. i always got over them super quickly#i’ve found people so pretty that i get nervous around them and struggle to hold conversations because i’m worried about how they’ll see me#sometimes with these people i’ll find myself prone to jealousy or i’ll put extra effort into my appearance around them#is that romantic attraction? i don’t know#there’s no way to define romance that excludes platonic interaction for me#and i can’t tell the difference between wanting to hang out with someone and wanting to go out with someone#so i just sit here. confused. and sipping on that loving my friends juice#local hopeless romantic has no fucking clue what romance feels like more at 10
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i have literally never done a solo vacation bc i hate being alone BUT i need to because it is so fucking annoying being in a place you’ve always wanted to be and always wanted to experience and you can’t fucking spend time doing the thing you want to do bc nobody else wants to do it
#cass rambles#YES this is about the met in nyc.#i’ve been to the city several times#but i LOVE art#and there’s SO. MUCH. at the met#like i could spend days in there#but the people i was with didn’t give a shit about art.#and we had to leave after like 3 hours#THREE HOURS. IN THE MET😭😭😭#and i get that’s a very long time for people who don’t care about art#but again#that’s my point
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Someone was asking me today what my middle name was and I swear I had literally forgotten? Not because I don’t use it but because I use the masc version of it because no one ever refers to me by my middle name. I was riding the crucial constanat letter trying to reverse engineer the final vowel to a nice feminine letter
#like I COULD have said my middle name was [redacted] it’s not like they could check#but also!#what if they asked why I had a male middle name#they’ve met my mum and asked if she’d be back in the country to come over for tea and what if it came up#i think she thinks I had a seizure#man I forgot how much I just. I don’t click with my (dead) middle name AT ALL#like my first name. fine. people call me my first birth name all the time bc something something severe trauma around coming out#my birth name is more like a title than a name if that makes sense#my MIDDLE name however??#nah nah nah. no idea why I feel more connected to my chosen middle name than my chosen first name#but no one’s ever asked! and I’ve just been using gender neutral nicknames!#sitting in someone’s living room making engine noises while I try to recall wtf my legal middle name is
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A narrative can be haunted by the absence of a character, but so can our lives.
one of the saddest things is when someone in your family tells you you would've loved someone who died before you were born. like my mother has told me & my best friend that we would have loved talking to her father. that me & my brothers have the same humor as our late uncle & even look like him. everyone is everywhere & nowhere & here & gone & dying & coming back. it's as though you know them through their shadow or their ghost or your own actions, but you won't ever really know. haunts me, i guess
#I’ve been told my Papaw would’ve adored me#it would’ve been a very grumpy and sunshine grandfather and granddaughter dynamic lol#but he died of cancer before I was born#I wonder how different my relationship with his wife would’ve been had he lived#when I die he will be one of the first people I seek out in the afterlife just because I’m curious#I know what he was like but I want to know it personally you know?#sometimes people we never met haunt the narratives of our own lives#I have several#the lives of my Dad and his siblings have definitely been haunted by Grandma’s mother who died in the 1950s#and in a way she’s also haunted me as well#led me to study and investigate and try to reclaim her from being lost entirely#and along the way I found her own grandmother who met a similar fate#I carry both Betty and Jane with me because if I don’t no one else will
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Both the girls I declined are ramping up attentions again and it’s stressing me out
#how do I get myself into these situations#I thought I pretty thoroughly expressed that I wasn’t interested but one wants me to come over and do edibles with her and is sending me#all these heart eye emojis and expressing a lot of excitement about seeing me and the other is calling me beautiful and saying image wants#to do more and be more and make me dinner and I’m freaking out#I told them both I wasn’t interred in people at all then met my classmate and feel like a huge liar but still I did say I wasn’t interested#in them. I’m especially uncomfortable with the second one who’s calling me beautiful and wants to be more#I’ve said several times we’re just friends and I’m not interested and I’ve said I don’t like being called beautiful (not that that’s ever#happened before) but it doesn’t seem to work.#I consoled her about some gender and relationship problems and that just seemed to up the infatuation to the nth degree. which makes it all#worse. I feel like I’m being idolized and if I make one wrong move or say one wrong thing I’ll become worse than scum.#I really really REALLY dislike being called pretty or beautiful because it’s not true and when I here it it just makes my stomach turn.#being lied to my face like that. it feels so self serving. instant turn off. which is maybe fucked up but there it is.
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the other day i was talking to one of my dad’s friends and he was like “do you ever think of writing? you would be really good at it :)” and like i have been thinking about maybe writing recently but it’d be, like, boris spassky rpf and i feel like that’s not what he had in mind
#context i get along soooo well w my dad’s friends and they’re all so cool it makes me really sad that they can’t be MY friends#but most of them are like 70 and I’m 20 so I feel like it’s hard to have an actual friendship w people that age?#which sucks because I’ve also met several cool 70ish year old guys at chess tournaments and muzzle loading stuff lol#so if anyone has tips for being friends w old ppl lmk#also context my mom and dad and a lot of his friends are writers#personally I’m like nottttttt a writing/theatre person at all but
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Astrology Observations~44
Capricorn risings have A LOT of sex appeal. Their serious nature makes them look smart asf and hot. They can be pretty arrogant though.
Scorpio moons are usually really passionate about music and make the best musicians. (It’s no surprise why most famous artists have this moon sign). Example; Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus…
Venus in the 7th house synastry is the best 7th house placements to have with a partner imo. (Especially if the man is the Venus person) he will literally kiss the ground you walk on.
Neptune in the 1st house is beneficial for attractiveness and magnetism but bad in terms of stable mental health. These people usually go thru so much. This placement can be very mentally/emotionally exhausting. They thru a lot of identity crisises (Atleast you’re hot though).
Pisces suns/mercs jump to conclusions A LOT. They are either spot on or completely delusional lmao (usually it’s a good 50/50😭).
Cancer sun/risings have very round circular head shapes (like the moon).
Leo Venuses are abnormally good at drawing & art from what I’ve noticed. They also have very good fashion sense. They look very expensive in general even if they don’t come from a lot of money.
People with Taurus in the 12th house tend to use people for their money & material goods. I notice this is a big leech placement when underdeveloped. I’ve seen people grown asf with full time jobs & still expected people to pay for them. Especially if you’ve emotionally betrayed them they can guilt you into giving them things.
Pisces moons are surprisingly very hard headed at times & usually don’t learn from past mistake’s quickly. I love this placement but I notice a lot tend to make pretty poor life choices if not properly guided.
Having Saturn & Jupiter in the same house can be very odd to have. I have mine both in the 4th house and although I was raised very poor I had a lot of rich family who would take me on vacation with them and go to other countries… so even though I was poor i experienced a lot of things most poor people never experienced. We also had big family gatherings but at the same time we were all very emotionally distant from eachother and just got together to try uk. We all had a shitty relationship with each-other but we cared enough to really try and act like a functional family. Also my family started off very small when I was young (Saturn influence) (me my mom and my grandma and uncle) then got really big as I aged (Jupiter influence). I had to grow up very fast when I was young because of my financial situation(Saturn) but I was very favorable in my family so my rich family was usually very supportive in helping me and my mom (Jupiter). It’s such a push pull effect with Saturn & Jupiter in the same house (one house restricts the other expands). Lmk your guys experience with this in the comments!
Saturn in the 3rd house people had a harder time communicating with others & usually struggled in academics. Could’ve needed extra help growing up. This gives a similar vibe to having a Merc in retrograde imo.
Having a Libra rising in a composite chart can be so annoying for the people around (especially if the people around you are single) you guys will be attached at the hip & usually get along so beautifully as a couple. But this can be a big PDA placement and can give a bit of tunnel vision where u ignore everyone in the room but your partner. Also if you’re not together with this placement you could be used to people saying “you guys would look cute together!”. But 9/10 if u have this placement with a person you definitely felt some typa way about them at some point 😏
Virgo placements either talk up a storm and are very loud and vocal or they are so quiet and struggle with severe social anxiety no in between.
The most selfish childish person I ever met had a Sagittarius sun with a Leo moon. They will make everything about them ALL THE TIME.
I notice a lot of sag suns came from pretty well off families or rich families.
Taurus risings tend to be into dying their hair weird colors (like pastel pink, bright blue ect).
8th house synastry is only hot when the attraction is mutual.. but when it’s ONE SIDED it literally feels like you’re dying internally constantly. I fell in love with someone where my moon, mars, ascendant, & Jupiter was all in their 8th house… when I tell you that was the closest to hell I think I’ll get to in this life. The mind games & jealousy are so severe. You won’t even recognize yourself with this synastry, you’re more likely to do things you’d never thought you’d do and behave in ways you never thought you’d behave. It’s especially worse when you have an empty 8th house yourself, just so uncomfortable and you feel crazy 24/7. -10000/10 do not recommend 😭 make sure the attraction is mutual with this cuz it’s not for the faint of heart.
On the other hand 5th house synastry is soooo fun. This is the best house synastry imo (yes over the 7th house!). You find each-other genuinely super funny and enjoyable to be around. And the crush feels like you’re in a movie🥺🥹 it’s not overwhelming or too intense just very pleasant.
Having harsh synastry with Saturn/Venus (square, opposite) it can feel like you are meant for each-other but not in this lifetime:( they feel like the “person that got away”.
When a Scorpio Venus has a crush on you they will get jealous of anyone who tries to get close to you or has the potential to get closer to you than them. Even if it’s a family member they will treat the other person kinda poorly. I’ve seen this with the rising and mars as well but Venus is usually more severe. (This is usually if immature however).
Taurus mars never admit when they’re wrong.. even if what they say is so incorrect they will usually not listen to reason that goes against theirs. This is probably the most argumentative mars sign. Good luck getting these people to ever apologize to you.
Mars in Aries are usually naturally super toned, they really don’t have to work out much and they will be so buff istg (ESPECIALLY their arms!!!!) they gain muscle very easily.
Libra placements can be super obnoxious when they are single. They never stfu that they’re single and don’t have a partner 😩 I’ve seen this with the Venus and Mars the most. These are the types that are always sharing statuses on fb about “why am I single” “lonely for the holidays” ect. Like can somebody date them so I don’t gotta listen to this all day?😭
Don’t argue with someone with a mars in the 3rd house… you will not win.. they come with all the receipts 👀 this is lowkey a big lawyer placement. These people are not the one they will put you in check QUICKK. (Especially with an Aries, Scorpio or Taurus mars).
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