#but no one’s ever asked! and I’ve just been using gender neutral nicknames!

[mycological-mariner]

Someone was asking me today what my middle name was and I swear I had literally forgotten? Not because I don’t use it but because I use the masc version of it because no one ever refers to me by my middle name. I was riding the crucial constanat letter trying to reverse engineer the final vowel to a nice feminine letter

[shinkaeru]

In Another Universe...

Andrew Marston × Reader (gender neutral!reader)

✪ What if you didn't give Andrew an answer after you and him broke up? (2.9k words)

A/N: I haven't written anything for 2 yrs so writing this was experimental for me. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did!

��××

A few years have passed since you graduated from university, you were already working as a book editor in a well-known book publishing house in London and earning a salary good enough to live independently. 

Lately, all you‘ve ever thought about was work, work, and more work, to the point you might've just grown a few more gray hairs from all the stress and sleepless nights. You've always focused on finishing all your projects first before anything else, only because you didn't have anything else to do.

“She goes back to the place where her lover once promised to see her. As hours went by, nobody came to find her, leaving her in distraught. She realizes in the universe she woke up to, her lover's fate led up to something else.” You read out loud as you write down corrections and suggestions of your client's manuscript of their book.

While you are scribbling away, engrossed by what you're doing, you hear your phone buzz causing you to glance at it for a brief moment. Out of curiosity, you decide to pick it up to see what it is—It turns out to be a text from your former classmate at university. 

“Hey! It's been a while. Do you wanna come hangout with us this Saturday night?” The text says. 

You take a sip of coffee, thinking to yourself: Do I still have time for this? It's not like I have anything scheduled for the weekend. You lean back on your chair, resting a hand on your chin. I guess I can afford taking a break for once. 

“Yeah sure! Where and what time do we meet?” You hit send and waited for your friend to respond. 

Besides, it wouldn't hurt to meet up with your friends from university after so long. Man though, has it really been 3 years already since we graduated? You thought to yourself. 

It seems ever since you graduated, you never looked back from your past and continued pursuing your personal endeavors. 

As you are about to set your phone down on the desk, your phone buzzes once more. 

“Let's meet up at 6pm yeah? I'll send you the location in a bit. Seeya!”

× 

It's exactly six 'o'clock in the evening, you've arrived at the bar your friends have planned to meet up at. As you walk inside, you hear smooth jazz music playing faintly while crowds of people mingle and chat. 

You look around the place, hoping to spot at least one or two of your friends already sitting down with a drink in their hand. Going to such social places as bars like this was considered a rare occasion for you since the last time you’ve ever been to one was when you were in your first year at university. The thought of trying to talk to strangers was nerve-wracking enough for you that it makes you wish you’d be home in isolation until now. 

As you are about to approach the very corner of the bar, you hear your friend’s voice calling your name on the other side of the bar. 

“I’m not late, am I?” I asked as I sat next to my friend while she pulled a pail filled with bottles of beer. 

“Not at all, all of us just arrived.” My friend hands me over the drink while two of our friends were talking about a different topic. She sips on her beer then pulls me into a welcoming hug, calling me by my old nickname. “Pea, it’s been like ages since all of us last saw you! I missed you so much.”  

“Yeah, we haven’t even heard from you that much either. You don’t really go online nowadays.” He adds.  

“I’ve just been caught up with work really.” You respond, taking a sip of the liquor from your glass. “How about you Coconut Man? How have you been?” A chuckle escapes from your lips as the memory of how you and your friends got their nicknames, which was from a Jessie J song that was stuck in your head at one point. 

“I flew back here to get my master's degree in literature. Decided one day that I kinda wanna venture into teaching it too, you know?” He shakes his head with a smile plastered on his face. “Moonhead here was talking earlier about getting into Journalism.” To which, they shrugged off his remarks and laughed. 

“I mean, yeah. I got into this job where we write articles about other musicians, music reviews, live concerts—music journalism basically.” They sip on their drink. “So far, it’s been fun. Sometimes, we even get free tickets to like, music festivals and shit.” 

“You two certainly have something interesting going on with your lives, huh?” You smiled, feeling genuinely happy that your friends have achieved the goals that they have worked hard for all these years.  

“Oh! I also have some news to share!” She gleams with excitement as she tries to hold the grin on her face. “My boyfriend and I just got engaged this week.” She showed the ring on her finger, making everyone at our table cheer while I clapped along to her announcement. 

“Wow, you’re getting married already? Congratulations!” You greet your friend, which made you realize for a moment that you were finally at the time of your life when your friends would get married to their partners. Holy shit, am I really getting that old? You thought to yourself. You could even say you could feel your bones cracking just from the thought. 

“Honestly, that’s one of the reasons why I invited you guys here. My partner and I were already planning out on who we’ll be inviting to our wedding, so I thought about you three.” She sighs. “We’ve all just...grown apart since we graduated. We should all at least hang out some time again.” 

Moonhead adjusts their position from their seat. “You know what speaking of wanting to teach, Pea, have you ever gotten the chance to speak to Professor Marston yet after the uh...whole thing going on between the two of you?” 

Your heart sinks as the thought crosses your mind. Ever since the night Andrew went to your place to address the situation at hand, you haven’t given him an answer out of concern for his career and reputation. You’ve kept your distance since you’ve graduated, which pains you deeply. 

“I haven’t had any news about Andrew to be honest,” You shrug. This information puts your friends in disbelief, which you find a bit amusing. They’ve always supported your relationship with Andrew during those first few months and defended you when rumors started to spread around campus. 

“You...you don’t talk to him anymore?” Her gleeful expression turns serious. “No greetings, no updates, nothing at all?” 

“Well, I still have his number and his email address, but I haven’t reached out to him since his classes ended.” You reply. “Besides you know how he is, he doesn’t really have any social media presence so haven’t heard anything about him since." 

“Both of you did come to terms, right?” He asks, to which you nod in response. “Damn, I thought you guys would be endgame you know? That kinda sucks.” 

“Right? Like, we’ve seen the way he looks at you and it was clear as day that he’s just smitten over you.” She lets out a sigh. “Well, as they always say: there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” 

As minutes passed, you and your friends continued talking about the memories you all shared during university and all the things they experienced after we graduated. Sipping halfway on your second bottle of beer, you feel yourself slowly spacing out, struggling to engage in your friends’ conversation. You aren’t drunk but you are aware enough to be tipsy. 

You look around the bar, seeing people clanking their drinks and laughing away through the night couples with their hands intertwined to each other. Despite reuniting with your friends, clearly, you’re starting to realize that this is getting boring and the idea of going home early sounds like a good idea. 

“Pea!” You snap out of your thoughts as you hear your friend call your name. 

“Huh?” 

“Are you okay? You look out of it.” Moonhead says. You nod your head, trying to think of an excuse to get some time for yourself for just a moment. 

“I need to go to the restroom for a moment…” You stand up and placed your drink down at the table. “…excuse me.” 

As you got to the bar’s restroom, you shut the door and took a breather on the sink. The more you stay inside the cozy restroom by the minute, the more you start to consider that going home is the best option.  

You let out a sigh, thinking if going home would be a good idea, especially since it has only been an hour since you arrived. 

After a moment of contemplating and pacing, you decide to stay for a few more minutes so that leaving wouldn’t feel awkward. 

“Yeah, I’ll do that.” You thought to yourself out loud then unlocked the door open. 

While you were about to approach your friends’ table, you heard a distinct voice coming from the bar’s counter. 

“A glass of whiskey please,” he says. You turn to see a familiar figure sitting near the counter isolated from the buzzing people. His hair fixed properly, his glasses reflecting the warm lights in the room, his attire styled in a particular manner… 

No—it cannot be who I think it is, is it? You thought to yourself.  

As you come closer, you feel your heartbeat beating every step you take. 

“Andrew?” 

He turns around and looks at me, his gaze softens at you. “It’s you.” 

You end up cracking a smile as waves of different emotions washed over you. “May I sit?”  

“Please,” He gestures, making me sit beside him while he sips on his drink. “Would you like a drink?” 

“No, I think I’ve had enough alcohol for tonight.” I chuckle while he does the same. “It’s…It’s been a while,” 

Andrew nods before taking another sip. “It has.” He puts his glass down. “Well, this is an unexpected kind of setting for us to see each other again.” 

“Yeah.” You start to fidget your hands as you feel your palms start to sweat. “You come here often?” You ask. 

“Oh no, it’s my first time being here so I decided to come here by myself.” He takes the last sip of his drink and sets aside the empty glass.

Worried that I might be interfering, I hesitantly ask...“Did you bring someone with you?”

“No, it's just me.” He chuckles. “I should be asking you the same thing, what brings you here?”

“My friends invited me here to catch up and chat.” You shrug to which Andrew nods in response.

“Friends from university?”

“Yeah actually,” You glance at your friends' table, looking unfazed by your disappearance as they laugh on their seats.

“It's good to know that you still keep in touch with them,” Andrew watches them along with you.

Should I say how I feel?

The thoughts inside your head go back and forth, contemplating whether talking about the night he last visited your place was worth mentioning.

Andrew notices the confused look on your face, making him concerned. “Is something on your mind?”

“There is, actually,” You respond immediately, deciding not to hold back. Andrew's expression became serious.

“What's on your mind?” Andrew asks.

Before you could respond to Andrew, you notice your friends watching over us with grins plastered on their faces. They mouth “Go” and “We'll be fine” gesturing to go for it.

“Would you like to talk about it somewhere private?” As Andrew was about to face your friends' direction, they immediately turn away and hid themselves with muffled laughs.

“Sure,” We both got up from our seats and headed our way towards the bar's exit.

As you and Andrew got out of the place, both of you walked further away from the bar to be somewhere quiet.

Andrew stands across from you as he waits patiently for you to speak.

You let out a sigh. “I'm sorry if this is a bad time but...”

“No, this isn't a bad time at all.” Andrew shakes his head as he steps closer. “Take your time.”

“I never got to reach out to you since I left.”

“I already told you I will always support you whatever decision you choose.”

“It's not that, Andrew...” Your voice starts to tremble as your emotions start to hit you like a truck. “I never got to tell you because I didn't want to be a burden to your job as a professor. I understand what that means to you, and...” Before you could continue your sentence, tears form from your eyes trickling down to your cheeks.

“You are never a burden to me,” Andrew shushes as he pulls you into his arms, causing you to cry even more. “I don't regret the things we have done in the past, and I certainly don't regret choosing to love you.” He pulls away, cupping your face to wipe your tears from your cheeks

“I'm sorry,” You let out a chuckle as your lips quiver. You have always reenacted in your head what it would be like meeting Andrew when you get the chance, crying in front of him was definitely not what you had in mind.

Andrew pulls you back into his arms while your emotions kept overflowing. Both of you stay that way, feeling a sense of comfort enveloped by his warmth despite the cold breeze. The memories you used to share with him are coming back to you.

“Feeling better?” Andrew asks.

“Mhm,” You pull away from him as you start to collect yourself. “I didn't mean to soak your coat with my tears.”

Andrew chuckles. “No need to feel ashamed,”

“Okay,” You take a deep breath, finding the words you've been wanting to say. “I thought that once that I graduate from university, I would move on and find someone else that gave me the same feeling that I had with you. I waited for weeks, months, hoping that it would happen one day but…” you look into his eyes, almost getting lost in them. “…At the end of the day, everything always comes back to you.”

“Darling…”

“I still want you, Andrew.” You declare, shaking your head as you crack a smile. “After all these years, it's still you that I long for.”

Andrew stands still speechless, his gaze still focused on yours. The way he's looking at you makes you reminisce of that day—that day when he first kissed you, when he shared those moments with you back in his office, when he gave himself in to hold your hand, everything—it all comes back to you that you immediately look away as you start to feel overwhelmed.

“I apologize for being too forward,” You look down on your shoes. “I thought it would be a better time to give you, both of us, closure than saying nothing at all.”

Andrew intertwines his hand to yours, making your heartbeat rise rapidly.

“Darling,” he gently squeezes your hand as your calm demeanor tarnishes in an instant. “Look at me…”

As a sob escapes from your lips, you follow his request. Andrew comes closer to the point you can feel his breath on yours, lifting your chin with his thumb.

And before you knew it, Andrew leans in as he presses his lips to yours. The spark you thought once lost ignites like a burning flame. You kiss back, sharing your warmth with his. It almost feels as if nothing has changed at all. The ache you felt all those years of longing seem to have washed away by the minute.

As both of you pull away, Andrew looks at you once more. His gaze radiating love and comfort. You suddenly don't even remember how to speak, making Andrew grin as he fixes your hair.

“I never stopped loving you, and frankly, I never will.” Andrew kisses your hand that's still intertwined with his. "I meant it when I said I've never felt like this with anyone until I met you." You start to tear up again as his words felt like a tug to your heartstrings.

“Do you think…do you think we can still figure things out? Together?” You've become completely vulnerable towards him. Normally the thought of yourself begging (or asking for that matter) for someone cringes you, yet here you are doing it anywag. You already prepared yourself for the worst, so you held your breath.

Andrew notices your hesitation and holds both of your hands. “We will, together.” I wrap my arms around him, feeling like my heart was about to come out of my chest.

“I missed you…so much.” You confess, making Andrew chuckle at the sight of you.

“I'm here now,” he kisses your forehead and smiles. “And I'm not going anywhere.” Both of you slightly sway as your arms were wrapped around each other's bodies.

A thought comes to your head, giving you a chuckle. “I wonder how crazy it would be what our relationship would be like if we were in the alternate universe,”

Andrew laughs at the idea you gave. “If there ever was an alternate universe, I suppose whatever path we take, it is inevitable for both of us to be together.”

“You think so?”

“Mhm, I do.”

×××

[hakirachan]

The OM! Boys & Pet names

so, lately I’ve been thinking about different pet names/nicknames (thanks A) and I decided to give some to the Obey Me boys, and what their stance is on pet names/nicknames! (Also some they might call you, I tried to make them all as gender-neutral as possible so they can apply to everyone!)

Btw, feel free to use any of these, whether it’s for a fic, oneshot, hc, or anything else. They’re all SFW, so if you’re looking for something a bit more suggestive, you’ll have to look somewhere else.

I only did the older bros for now bc this took way longer than it should have TvT

LUCIFER

RECEIVING

Doesn’t like being called pet names in public at first, but slowly warms up to it (nothing embarrassing or overdramatic tho)

If you embarrass him in front of his brothers, he’ll take away that privilege though

Is okay with you calling him pet names in private, as long at it’s nothing weird

Thinks it’s cute when you try to fluster him with pet names

Example pet names for him: Dear, Love, Darling, Honey/Hon, Babe

GIVING:

Starts off just using pet names for you occasionally, but uses them more often as you progress in your relationship

Sometimes randomly whispers them into your ear as he passes by to get you all flustered

Just uses standard nicknames for you (bc he’s old)

Pet names he’ll give you: Dearest, Sweetheart, Love, Darling, Precious, Honey

MAMMON

RECEIVING

The first time you use a pet name for him, he gets extremely flustered

Quickly comes back with his own though

(he’ll be blushing the whole time too)

Example pet names for him: Sweetie, Babe, Love, Prince

GIVING

A bit hesitant at first, but once he starts, he’ll call you nicknames whenever he gets the chance

Makes it a point to use them when you’re around other guys to let them know you’re taken

Has spent at least one sleepless night coming up with a list of pet names for you

Example pet names he’ll give you: Precious, Treasure, Babe, My First, Sunshine, Sugar, Princess

LEVIATHAN

RECEIVING

Oohhhh boy

You done broke him now

The first time you do it, he’ll freeze up for a good 30 seconds as he processes what just happened

Once his brain has restarted, he is a blushing, stammering mess.

Why would you call him that out of nowhere? Are you messing with him? Is this a prank?? Wait that’s not what I meant don’t apologize—

No matter how many times you do it, he always turns bright red whenever you call him a pet name

Example pet names for him: Player One, Babe, Boo

GIVING

Doesn’t really give ‘pet names’ as much as he does regular nicknames

Don’t get me wrong, he means them affectionately, just don’t expect him to use any of the cuter pet names other couples use

If he does use a more standard pet name, he’ll be a blushing mess while he does it

Example “pet names” he’ll give you: Player Two, Henry, Normie, Babe (maybe)

Let me know if you want the other brothers and undateables! Also, if you have any other pet names you think they’d give, just tell me in the comments and I’ll add them!

Speaking of… If you ever want any pet names/nicknames, either themed or for a character based on personality, just DM me or put it in my ask box and I’ll give you a list of as many as I can think of!

[sc0tters]

Memories In a Box | Gabe Perreault

summary: four times Gabe realised that he was in love with you and the one time he did something about it.

song: nervous - Shawn Mendes

request: yes/no

warnings: none.

word count: 1.94k

authors note: I’ve never written one of these 4/5 + 1 things before so I figured what better time to try it than with the first drattee that I’ve ever written for! If you want to be apart of or see more of the celly playlist, you can find it here!

Being Wills twin sister was like a double edged sword.

Don’t be wrong, you loved your brother. The two of you had been best friends from the day you came out of the womb you were practically attached by the hip, wearing the same gender neutral clothes for the first year and a half of your life because the laugh you would let out when someone mixed the two of you up was music to your parents ears. You had been by Wills side every step of the way, every goal, every loss, and every injury was just as much of a burden on your shoulders as it was on his. What came with this though was his friends, most of them you thought were incredibly annoying as most boys in their teens were.

1

But Gabe didn’t seem to apply to that rule. You first met him when your parents decided to take Will and his favourite teammates out for pizza.

The younger boy had drawn the short straw of sitting next to the talkative girl with braces and her hair in messy braids as she had been running around, otherwise known as you. It seemed like he couldn’t even get a word in, not that he minded though. It was much more interesting listening to you talk about the assist that he had made “sparky shush,” Will laughed as he ruffled his hand over your head. The older of the Smith twins had gotten that nickname as a child, you seemed to enjoy sticking your fingers into electrical sockets back then.

Your face turned pink as you realised that you had been rambling “I don’t mind,” Gabe shook his head as he threw his arm around you. He had seen how the other boys acted around you and how you acted around them so by you not reacting negatively to the gesture. Gabe didn’t know if he wanted to smirk or if he needed to wipe the sweat from his hands first. That was the moment you knew he was going to be different from Wills other friends.

2

Your families lake house was always the highlight of your summers. It was your very own oasis, the place where peace met happiness. Your list of descriptions went on. It was your heaven on earth. Which was why you were awake early most mornings, usually just staring out at the water “you got room for one more?” Gabe called out as he leaned against the frame of the backdoor.

You spun your head around to see him “I think I can find the space,” you joked as you patted the other side of the bench.

Gabe had slept in a random pair of shorts and he hadn’t bothered to grab a shirt before he strolled down stairs, not that you minded though -him shirtless with his unmade curly hair made you feel like you had won the seventeen year old girl lottery. He joined you on the bench swing with a smile “you always out here?” The boy asked as he furrowed his eyebrows, he knew that you were always awake before everyone else but this was him getting a chance to experience it with you for the first time. Will used to joke about that bench being your our private land before 10:00am because you didn’t allow anyone -well just Will- on it with you.

Your smile was evident as you looked back out at the dock where your parents boat sat “with a view like this it’s hard not to.” What you didn’t notice was that his eyes never left you from the moment he sat down “beautiful isn’t it?” You asked as you locked eyes with him, both of your cheeks warmed at the moment.

All the hockey player could do was nod “yeah it is,” he rubbed the back of his neck as he wasn’t talking about your view then, he was talking about his view.

3

For your birthday your parents always went big for their twins. It was one party but you and Will almost found a way to make compromises that let you each end up happy. For your eighteenth birthday all you wanted was to have your friends over and that’s exactly what you were getting ready for “come in!” You called out as there was a knock at the door. Your curling iron was lowered as you watched the door in the reflection of your mirror.

Gabe almost stopped in his tracks “wow,” he mumbled as his eyes went wide. You had told him that you had bought a new dress for the evening but you never showed it to him, until now “you like it?” You asked as you got up to let him see it in full.

He nodded “I love it,” part of him wanted you to wrap yourself in a blanket so that nobody else could see your beauty in that way that he saw it now “you’re beautiful,” he confessed causing you to place your hand on your chest.

You’d been told plenty of times before that you looked beautiful in a piece of clothing but this was the first time that you had been called outright beautiful “you’re gonna make me ruin my makeup,” you warned as you had to stop yourself from getting emotional.

It caused the boy to laugh “well happy birthday spark,” everyone thought that his nickname for you was simply an adaptation of the one your brother had given you. But it wasn’t, Gabe called you spark because you were the spark in his life that could help him kickstart it whenever he needed it. He was the moth to your flame.

He walked over to you to hand you your present “you didn’t need to give me anything,” you reminded him as you placed what seemed like a jewellery box on your bed before you pulled him into a hug.

Gabe had ignored your request every single year from the year you met him “let me have one day to spoil you in peace.” The seriousness in his tone made you laugh as he placed a kiss to your head.

Will could be heard from outside your room “anyone know where Gabe is?” He asked causing you two to look at each other.

The hockey player brought his finger to your lips “I guess this is my cue,” he joked as he sent you a soft salute before he made his way out of your room without getting caught.

4

Gabe mindlessly walked through the center as he wanted to find a place to gather his thoughts “Gabe!” You cheered as you saw the boy walking in your direction.

You had Wills Sharks cap on your head as your brother had put it there during one of his interviews “hey spark,” Gabe smiled as nearly knocked him off of his feet when you hugged him.

His arms went around your waist like they were meant to be there and this was one of the first times that he truly felt at ease “blue looks good on you,” you commented as you looked at the rangers jersey that he was in.

The boys cheeks went flushed at the compliment “it’s more your colour than mine” He pointed out causing you to giggle.

It was that playful noise as your tongue ran along the inside of your cheek “I’ve always thought that dark blue looked better on me.” You explained as you reached up to take the cap off of his head to replace the one that was on your own head. The sharks cap was going to have to stay in your hand for now “you think?” You added as you ran your fingers through the ends of your hair.

Gabe swore he was going to die in that very moment “you look good in everything,” he confessed letting the compliment roll off of his tongue like it was honey.

Your freshly painted fingernails picked at the pendant of your necklace attracting the boys attention to your chest area. It was the necklace he had gotten you for your birthday “even my sweats and pjs?” The Ranger draftee had been around your family for so many years now that he had seen you multiple times when the boys would all come back to Wills place after early morning practices.

It caused him to nod repeatedly “especially those,” he would never admit it to Will -mainly because he valued the status of his life since Will would kill any body that even looked at you the wrong way- but he was now dangerously close to admitting it all to you.

Something caught your attention as it caused you to take a step back from the taller boy “there you are sparky.” Will had to admit that he was surprised to see the Rangers had that travelled from Gabe’s head to yours.

You sent your brother a smile “just been talking to Gabe about life in New York.” Your lie made sense as you had been accepted into NYU so if Gabe were to sign immediately you two would be seeing a lot more of each other.

Without the watchful eye of your brother “she can be so thoughtful sometimes can’t she?” Will asked as he was totally unaware of what was going on between you and Gabe.

Of course nothing was happening between you two but as the saying goes a picture can speak a thousand words.

+1

Gabe had been in New York for a development camp series and the night before he was meant to head back to Boston he still hadn’t seen you. It wasn’t a lack of effort from either one of you, it was simply that you couldn’t find a time where both of your schedules had the moment available. So like any boy with a crush, he just showed up at your dorm “Gabe?” You asked as your eyes went wide. The person you thought was going to be at your door was your food delivery driver, not your brothers best friend “can I come in?” His voice was soft as his eyes looked tired.

He dropped his bag inside your dorm as he pulled you into a hug. Without seeing you for months he grew to miss your scent, your smile, your laugh, but most of all, you. It was like the second you two got into there his walls came crashing down “what’s going on with you?” You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked up at him.

Something was clearly weighing on him “I want to do something but it might be stupid.” Gabe confessed as his eyes flickered between your face and your lips.

You honestly thought you were dreaming at that point. This was the moment you had spent years waiting for, ever since you saw him in that pizza restaurant where he put his arm around you “quit taking your damn time then.” You murmured finally giving him the green light. Butterflies flew through your body as you watched him lick his lips before he nodded. Given the height difference between you two you were quick to push yourself onto your tippy toes as you kissed him. You had grown impatient and decided that you had enough of waiting for him.

The kiss was delicate, like it was a well baked cake that your mom had spent hours making.

The kiss was perfect,

Everything was perfect.

[thelyingjoke]

hi bow i know we haven't talked in a while but i have been thinking So Fucking Much about DICE lately so i had to ask. u got any DICE hcs?

heyyyyy first off i am SO so sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this. i’ve been going through a lot of complicated personal stuff the past several months and it’s kept me off of social media…but i am back now! hopefully. i may not be the most active but i will try my best!!

NOW FOR THE QUESTION !!! DICE is a little funny for me…i love them so much and yet my mind’s perception of them constantly shifts…i can never seem to think of anything concrete for them. i love most theories about them to where i can’t decide which ones to believe in myself. like the 11th member…i really like all of the explanations people make for them. from cameraperson to pet to kokichi’s twin. I can’t decide which i like best so they’re all true at the same time for me.

for things that i CAN decide on…hm. Well they are Definitely orphans to me. and i think that like…that horse head in kokichi’s room? they all have one of those. they like to wear them regularly i think. it’s an extra mask. it gets pulled off their faces scooby-doo style to reveal the clown mask underneath.

and i Really like the card nicknames headcanon. but i think they have more than just standard deck names. like there’s Heart, Spade, Club, Clover, Ace, Joker. then you’ve got shit like Wild +4. Basic Darkness Energy. A Deal With Dark Ruler. Sour Cream From Steven Universe. they’re an unpredictable bunch…you can never guess what nickname they’re gonna use next.

the last one actually has an explanation. in an rp from like. jan 2019 i think? it was with DICE members and one of them pointed out how this guy’s hair looks like sour cream from steven universe

and in hindsight their hair is actually not that similar at all they are both just pointy. but that has stuck with me. and it’s funny. so i’ve been calling that member Sour Cream ever since

and speaking of comparing media…i imagine the group to have a dynamic similar to Giovanni’s Boys (gender neutral) from one of my favorite shows, the hit webseries epithet erased. they’re a gang of teenage petty criminals who are initially low-ranking members of an Actual criminal organization pyramid scheme but they eventually leave after giovanni proposes making their own evil organization. they’ve got goofy nicknames like Dark Star and Crusher and Flamethrower and Car Crash (but you can only get one if you earn it). giovanni wants to be a supervillain so bad and he is the sweetest guy ever who loves his minions so very much. these snippets from the book really fit DICE i think!

i look at them replacing hot dogs with cattails, and i nod and think…yes…DICE would do that…stupid but fun…that’s all they want…

they have their differences. giovanni and his boys (gender neutral) are very stupid. but i think the fundamentals of them both being groups of teens who just want to have fun and commit harmless petty crimes and who care so much for each other is Wonderful. i often think of this song to be DICE’s theme song even if i don’t think they are actually like how the banzai blasters are in the song. they’re smarter. But it’s a banger. i find them both very very fun (i think about kokichi saying lines from ee often…i have a list)

And this is not really a headcanon but i like how in the group photo everyone else has pants that at least Reach their ankles but kokichi is a rebel and wears pants that are just slightly too small for him. why does he do that. Weirdo (affectionate)

[deejadabbles]

Echo and Comms (Echo x Reader) Chapter Two

Summary: Who could know that a simple night out with your friend would lead to this? A life of danger and the man of your dreams. Echo x Communications Officer Reader (gender neutral). Friends to lovers/star-crossed lovers.

A.N. Woo part two out in a pretty timely fashion! I'm actually really proud of this one, but I hope you guys like long content because this is a big boy! Some of this is pure fluff, but, I will warn you, there's other parts that are pure heartache.

Please comment your thoughts in the replies or reblogs <3

Warnings: Explicit acts mentioned but not in detail, mentions of war and death, soldier death, grief, (assumed) main character death.

Part One /// Part Two /// Part Three /// [Part Four coming soon]

Three days. Three days of going to work, having lunch with Mavis, and eating alone in your apartment. You didn’t really mind, per se. You had had way too many experiences with boys not calling for it to truly affect your normal life.

But you were a little…disappointed. Maybe Echo wasn’t as interested in you as you had thought. Maybe he had just wanted someone to talk to while his brother had fun. Maybe he had forgotten about you the next day.

Ugh! Why was the shower always the place where annoying thoughts like that popped up? You groaned as you rinsed product out of your hair, trying to chase away the thoughts. Why did this even bother you so much? It wasn't like you felt an almost instant connection to the trooper or anything, right? Definitely not, and you certainly didn't think he was the cutest man who'd ever bought you drinks.

Just as you reached for your body wash, you heard a noise: the sound you had set for notifications on your data pad. It was likely Mavis, asking you what time you wanted to go see that vid she had mentioned. You knew you had plenty of time to answer her, so you made sure to take advantage of the hot water and soothing quiet. You stepped out a while later, patting yourself down with your robe as you strode over to your table where the pad sat.

Oh!

It wasn’t Mavis after all and you tried to ignore the giddy smile as you read the message over.

>Hey there! This is Echo, from the bar the other night? I know you’re probably busy but I figured I’d send this. Hopefully none of my brother’s have bothered you at the bar since I’ve been gone?<

You snorted in laughter. He was certainly an awkward one, you wondered if the message was missing a section in the middle, or if he just wasn’t used to sending out things that weren’t military reports.

Of course, you had no idea of the turmoil that had happened on the other side of the screen.

Echo was a nervous wreck. Even with the timeless vacuum of space, he knew that it had been several rotations for you back on Coruscant, several rotations of Echo not knowing what to send you. He had written and deleted maybe thirty versions of that message, always backing out and thinking he could craft something better- until Fives had had enough, snatched his data pad from him, and pressed ‘send’ on whatever drivel he had typed out in the moment.

Now Echo was staring at the “sent” message, rereading it over and over as if it was his death sentence. It might as well have been, for how long it had passed with no reply from you.

“So hottie hasn’t written back yet?” Jesse smirked.

“I’m gonna kill Fives,” Echo muttered, ignoring the crude nickname that Echo had scolded Jesse for using for you before.

Fives heard, even on the other side of the room and looked back at him with incredulity, “Me? What’d I do? You’re the one who kept chickening out of doing anything, I just sent it for you.”

“I sound like an idiot, Fives!”

“You are an idiot, Echo!”

Jesse cut in again with a laugh, “Oh yeah, and you’re mister smooth talker. That's why you got sent home from the bar alone last time?”

“Hey!” Fives waggled a finger at him, “My angel sent me home because she was- what’d you call it, Kix?

“Respecting your inebriated state.”

“Exactly,” Fives confirmed with a nod, “she was being respectful.”

None of Echo’s brothers seemed to care that he was spiraling deeper into despair the longer he sat there, they just went on arguing among themselves. It had been way too long without a reply, and he just knew that you were laughing at him on the other end. Maybe you had even hoped he wouldn’t message you, maybe you were just being nice when you gave him your comm code, maybe-

His heart stopped when the screen flashed from a new message. Eyes wide in disbelief, Echo could feel said heart in his throat as he read over your reply.

>Hey, Echo! I’m glad you didn’t lose my code. I heard the 501st shipped out the next day, hope you and your brothers are staying safe out there. And speaking of, don’t worry, I know how to take care of myself ;) <

It was a better reply than he could have hoped for. You even responded to his dumb little attempt at starting a conversation and was that a smiley face at the end there? No, it was winking! Echo didn’t even know people could send those in personal messages. He’d have to try it out, once he got the hang of talking to you in the first place, that is.

Kix was weighing in on some argument that had broken out between Fives and Jesse, but it was all background noise to Echo as he leaned back, smiling at the screen as he typed back to you. 

Maybe Echo wasn’t too terrible at holding a conversation over a screen. For the past couple of weeks, Echo looked forward to the time he would have a quiet moment at night to check his data pad, to see your latest message sitting in his inbox. Both of you had decided on that first night that, given both his and yours busy schedules, you wouldn’t hold each other to replying on the spot, rather, just answering whatever was last said when there was time.

He appreciated the understanding, knowing that the life of a soldier rarely granted him enough leisure to shoot messages back and forth for any decent length of time. Sometimes, when the stars (or, specifically, your time zones) aligned, both of you could talk for at least a few short text blocks. One night, after he and his brothers made camp on some remote planet, he found he was lucky enough to have one of those fortuitous alignments.

>Can I ask a weird question? <

He had sent it with the intention of setting his pad down and working on checking his blaster, only hoping that he might get an answer sometime in the next day, but felt his heart race when there was an almost immediate ding in reply.

>Sure. You can ask anything, but my reply depends on what the question is. <

Echo swallowed hard, realizing that it was now or never.

>Would it be weird if I asked for a picture of you? <

He sweated the whole two minutes it took for the text to go through the thousands of comm buoys between there and Coruscant.

>A picture? Aw, you miss me that much, I’m flattered, mr soldier boy. <

You ended it with a cheeky heart and Echo knew his face was hot with a blush.

>Well everyone else in my contact board has a picture, everyone but you so I just thought I’d ask <

There, that response neither confirmed nor denied that he may or may not want the picture for other reasons. Like missing you, and wanting a reminder of how cute your face was.

Far far away from that backwater planet, back in the beating heart of the republic, you were sitting in your tiny one room apartment, biting your lip. So, the cutie wanted a picture did he? Currently you were sitting on your couch, work clothes tossed across the bed and the news playing in the background while you ordered take-out as a treat.

You weren’t the most put together, you admitted, but, after a quick scroll through all your pictures, you didn’t think any of them suited your needs either. After looking yourself over on the camera screen of your pad, you decided you looked good enough. Hair wasn’t bad, and, well, your oversized lounge top dropped off your shoulder in a way that, if you posed just right, looked very good. Just enough for Echo’s imagination to play with, if it wanted to play at all, that is.

After you were satisfied with the pic, you sent it before you could change your mind. The question was fair game, though, and the second the picture got through, you added a note to it.

>Your turn <

Was all it said, but it was enough.

Or, maybe not.

>My turn? <

He asked, which made you roll your eyes. Surely he wasn’t that dense. Your reply was quick.

>Uh yeah? I want a picture of you too, silly. <

While you waited on him, your dinner just so happened to arrive in a glorious knock at the door. Despite your eagerness to see what Echo did next, he would have to wait- you were starving after the day you had. You took your time getting your dishware, finding something other than the news to put on, and dishing out your food.

You had just settled back down on the couch when your pad went off again.

>I’m just not sure why, I have the same face every clone does it’s not special. <

You nearly choked on your dinner. What the kriff? Did Echo really just say that to you? You didn’t pretend to be an expert on clones, but even you knew that sharing those basic genetics didn’t mean all that. 

Another short message dinged through then and it only made your jaw drop more.

>What I mean is you can just get any picture of a clone off the net and it would work. < 

You thought your next words over long and hard. Afraid to say the wrong thing or go overboard with your reaction. In the end, you settled for something simple, and hoped he understood the full meaning behind it.

>But it wouldn’t be you, Echo. <

Back on his cot in that makeshift camp, Echo swallowed hard. He had never expected you to want a picture in return, and he definitely hadn’t expected you to say that when he expressed his confusion. His chest was all warm now, he didn’t know his insides could feel…what even was this? It felt almost prickly, but soft, it felt hazy, or fuzzy, maybe. He shifted around on his cot as he turned on the camera feature- then had to figure out how to take a picture of himself, which he’d never done before. Of his brothers? Sure, he had plenty of times, with his brother too, also plenty of times. But not him taking one of himself.

In the end it wasn’t a terrible attempt, his smile looked a little goofy, but the second time he tried it just looked like he had a bad toothache, so he went with goofy. Unfortunately his little photo shoot did not go unnoticed.

“Why’d you send that one?” Fives said as he read the messages over Echo’s shoulder.

“It was the best I could do,” Echo shrugged, it was too late anyway, it was already sent.

Fives snatched the data pad out of his hands again- why did his brother not understand personal belongings?! “Ah no no, we can do better! Come on, grab that rifle, we’re gonna make you look like a badass.”

It didn’t take long for the other troops of the 501st to get involved, and soon Echo was posing this way and that. But what really mortified him, was when General Skywalker himself chimed in, having them move to a spot just beyond the camp where an expanse of rugged desert stretched behind him.

“Okay, now tuck your helmet under your arm,” Anakin encouraged with an amused grin, just as Rex stepped back from adjusting the kama around his waist. 

“Now that is a pose worthy of an ARC trooper!” Kix grinned as he held up the camera.

And that’s what they took, a shot of Echo standing in the desert, one foot propped up on a boulder, rifle held like a staff in one hand, and helmet tucked under the other. The moment Kix took the photo, Fives once again snatched the pad up and began typing.

“Have this pic instead, baby,” he said out loud as he typed, making Echo’s blood go cold, “it’s much more me, winky face and-”

“Fives dont se-!”

“-send!” Only then did Fives hand the data pad back to him, grin smug and full of himself, “You can thank me later, Echo.”

Echo’s brain had stopped working as he looked over the horror his brother had sent you. He had called you ‘baby’! Not once, as much as Echo had wanted to, had he ever used a pet name when talking to you! And the picture, it was worse than he thought. Sure it made him look heroic, but also like an egotistical ass who was trying to grandstand in your private chats.

“I think it looks great,” Tup said as Echo started to smack his face with the pad.

Thankfully he didn’t see your reaction on the other end, the way you rolled around on your couch in laughter at the portrait that definitely was not ‘him’. You much preferred the adorkable grin in the first picture to whatever that second picture was.

>Your brothers made you take that, didn’t they? <

Was all you sent in answer, deciding to spare him the string of laughing faces you wanted to add.

>Yes. And Fives typed the message with it, sorry. <

>Not to worry, but, if it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll stick with the first pic. <

>I’d prefer that, thanks. <

.

Thankfully those weren’t the only pictures sent over the next few weeks. Chances for cheeky moments came up, like when you two bonded over how loud Mavis and his brothers were as the Professional Pod Racing Finals were aired. 

The boys were mostly just excited that they got to see the broadcast live for once, but Echo still thought it was amusing and sent you a picture of the boys yelling at the holo screen in their barracks. In turn you sent him a shot of you, sipping on some fizzy drink with eyebrows raised as Mavis stood on your couch in the background, making a choking motion at your own holo screen. “I know your pain” was the text across the picture, which made Echo laugh.

Another time you expressed interest in seeing his full armored ‘get up’ since you hadn’t when you met at the bar that night. Echo was happy to oblige, even goading you into sending your own ‘work selfie’ and getting a very nice picture in return. He wasn’t sure how you managed to make those gray officer uniforms look good, but you did, staring down at the camera from under that hat in a way that looked commanding and mysterious and-

Echo had to stow the picture away when his armor started to feel too tight.

But of course, photos weren't the only things you shared. You surprised Echo again and again with all the ways you showed him that you valued the time you two talked together. Like when you asked him if he liked games, then immediately found a version of Word-Path that you two could play together across the net. Much like your messages to each other, the game could be played during any free moment available, the board waiting patiently for the next move no matter how long it took one of you to make it.

Before he knew it, you were filling every free thought Echo had, and he was glad for it. He could pack away his feelings and fantasies when needed, he was still a damn good ARC trooper, but when there was a free moment to breathe? You. All you. Smiles over something funny you had said. Daydreams of seeing you in person again. Mulling over what to send you next in order to sound charming and witty and cute-

Cute, that’s right, you had called him cute the other day and he still felt giddy over something so small.

Kriff, Echo never knew someone could be as amazing as you. Never knew someone could make him feel the way you made him feel.

So, when the General gave them today’s good news, Echo knew he had to tell you ASAP.

>We’re coming back to Coruscant soon <

>That’s great! When? <

>We’ll be heading into hyperspace at 16:00 standard time, and with how long we’ll be in hyperspace, probably two rotations? <

Echo halted his typing, his mind seeming to stall. How was he going to ask you if you wanted to see him again? How could he come off as cool and calm without sounding like a jerk? Giving you the wrong idea was the last thing he wanted but-

>So, have any plans already? Maybe you could squeeze lil ol me into your schedule? <

Once again you proved that you could stop his heart without even trying. He held his breath as he read the text over again, like it was a dream come true. It was his dream come true, in a way.

As he typed out his reply Fives came up behind him, throwing an arm over his shoulder, “Guess who’s getting another shot with his angel,” he sang as he shook Echo. “Just told her we were heading back, and she invited me over for dinner at her place!”

“That’s great,” Echo said with a genuine smile. Though that first night had ended for the better, Echo knew that he had liked Mavis quite a bit, and, knowing she was taking an interest too, made him happy for his brother.

“So you know what that means,” Fives continued to beam.

Echo faltered, “Uh, that you’re gonna…not get drunk and get lucky this time?”

“No- well, yeah, actually, but no! I was talking about you and your own little hottie,” he winked, “this leaves you two open to have a night all to yourselves.”

A cough found its way into Echo’s throat then. Mostly just in surprise of course, because, the moment he thought about it, the more he liked that idea. He took a breath, and was able to type out his next words to you with little to no hesitation.

>Fives just told me that he and Mavis are planning a night together. Are you okay with it just being the two of us? <

>Sounds great. Is 79’s your usual hang out? <

>It is, but if you have a better idea I’m all ears. <

>If you’re up for it, I know a great spot. Has a stunning view and great food. Aaaand considering you bought my drinks last time, dinner can be on me this time.<

Well, how could he say no to that?

Two days later, Echo was certain he could have never properly prepared himself for this date. He had never thought about what a perfect date would be for him, but somehow, you had nailed it. 

As if you could get any cooler, you had picked him up from the garrison riding a custom speeder bike, telling him to hang on tight as you shot into the air. He had never seen half the buildings and markers you pointed out to him as you drove, giving him a list of places you might visit later if he wanted. Of course, he was only half listening, mostly he was preoccupied with the way you felt between his arms. He was glad he had only left on the key parts of his armor today, letting the warmth of your body creep through his blacks.

Eventually, and almost to his annoyance, the speeder came to land on the tippy top of a building that, if Echo remembered your tour right, was some sort of office tower. Someone had taken up the roof with a rather ingenious idea: A cargo speeder converted to make and sell food, and the rest of the roof was taken up with little tables and picnic cushions. It was also the cleanest roof he’d ever seen, with a scutter droid booping about to pick up wayward trash and hovering lights bobbing about to cast it all in a romantic glow. Apparently, given the setting sun, you told him it was the perfect time to visit.

As soon as the pair of bothans handed you two your order, you were grabbing his hand again- which was not helping how sweaty and tight his skin was feeling at the moment. He didn’t want you to let go, though, and was glad you didn’t until you led him to the very edge of the roof, where one of those picnic-like futons lay.

He was chuckling while you pulled him down eagerly, crossing your legs and waving your hand at the open sky before you, “And here’s the view I promised you!”

Echo knew his face might hurt later from smiling so much, but he couldn't help it, there was definitely a view, he just didn’t have to look at the sky for it. 

But, he did, because you asked him to, and though he’d rather look at your face, the city did look spectacular up here. Smaller buildings and lanes of racing speeders spread out before you both like a spider web, but the best part was that it was high up enough to see the sun dipping lower in the sky, a rare sight in this place of such tall skyscrapers.

“So…?” you drew out an expectant tone.

“It’s,” he laughed a little, eyes already back on you, “totally wizard.”

The proud smile that lifted your lips made his heart jump and he had to distract himself by unwrapping his food and shoving the first bite into his mouth.

Just like your communications, conversation seemed to spark easily enough. It truly amazed Echo how you two were always able to talk as if you had known each other for years. Anything and everything was on the table, though the lighthearted tone called for silly stories the two of you had yet to share with each other. You particularly liked his story involving Hardcase and Fives mimicking Jedi as they played around with broom handles- only to be caught in the act by General Skywalker.

The food was long devoured, the sun having set, and the food stall closed for the night. If Echo cared about anyone but the two of you, he would have noticed that you were the only ones still sitting on the rooftop. That was fine, preferable, even. He would shut out all of the world when he was with you.

In fact, the only thing that distracted him was something crackling overhead, and your face lighting up. “Ha! The forecast was actually right for once.” You nudged his shoulder and pointed at the sky, at the dark clouds collecting overhead. “I was hoping it would rain tonight, you’re gonna love this.”

Echo raised an eyebrow, looking around at the open roof exposed to the elements, and failed to see why getting rained on during your meal was something to love, but he supposed he trusted you.

“It rains a lot on Kamino, right?” your eyes shifted back to him, tone quiet, perhaps wondering how Echo felt about his homeworld, since he’d never mentioned it before.

He nodded, “Almost constantly. It was a bit weird, realizing how little rain some planets get.”

“Yeah, Coruscant doesn’t get much, but when it does, you wanna be in a place like this,” you nudged his shoulder again, turning back to the clouds just as another rumble of thunder groaned. “Ah! Here it comes.”

Echo looked up too, automatically squinting his eyes to prepare for the raindrops- but they never hit his skin. Those eyes went wide at the sight above you both. The rain was coming down in a torrent, but each drop was caught some meters above, dancing in midair before rolling off to the side of some invisible bubble. It was like watching thousands of tiny glass tears collecting to make a canopy above you.

“They have an antigrav device to keep stuff from falling on the roof,” you explained, and the intimacy of your tone caused Echo to tear his gaze away from the sight and back to you.

Though your eyes were still entranced by the dancing water above, Echo was enraptured by the soft look of utter awe and appreciation on your face. 

“What do you think? Beautiful, right?”

If Echo was familiar with cheesy holo videos, he’d realize that saying “Yes,” in a dreamy tone while his eyes were wholly on you was one of the oldest tropes in the book. But, even if he did know that, it wouldn’t matter, he knew in that moment that his eyes would always be for you.

Swallowing hard, Echo took a chance, braving his impulse before he could back out. He leaned in closer to you, and brushed the very tips of his fingers across your cheek. That got your attention away from the sky above, and you turned your face to find him just a breath away.

That’s when his lips brushed yours.

It was feather light and sweet, a gentle press, he wanted to give you every opening to pull away if you wanted. Instead, your hand reached up to grip his bicep as you pulled him in closer. The fingers that had grazed your cheek were now cupping your face, drawing you in as the rain pattered overhead.

Despite the overwhelming feelings brewing in his chest, Echo managed to keep the affection from getting too wild. He liked this, liked how delicate the act was, careful, unrushed, enjoying the tenderness like hints of sugar on the tongue. You let out a little noise as you took your other hand and splayed it over his chest and he was about to wrap his arm around you.

But then, his commlink went off.

Only then did you two break apart. After blinking away the sugary haze of the kiss, you both looked down at his wrist. When Echo saw the comm code, his heart wanted to start a descent into his stomach. It was Captain Rex.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, starting to scramble to his feet, “let me take this?”

You nodded silently, and he thought he saw some worry etched on your face as he walked some ways away. The worry was warranted. His conversation was short, but his heart sank lower and lower the longer it went on and even after the call ended, he stood there for a moment, mind reeling against the news.

Swallowing hard, he straightened up and walked back to you, trying to keep the disappointment off his face. Even after he sat back down at your little picnic, he stayed silent for a few heartbeats.

“Anything important-”

“We’re shipping out again.” Echo didn’t mean to interrupt you, but the words came tumbling out like a toppled crate. “Got an emergency mission, shore leaves' been canceled.”

“O-oh.” Your reply was short, surprised, but Echo thought he could already hear the disappointment in your tone. That he had disappointed you. “Do you have to head back immediately?”

A breath left Echo’s chest as he finally met your gaze again. “We leave in ten standard hours, I have to make sure I’m on duty by then.” Another breath, this one harsher, pushing through his teeth like steam, “I just thought I’d have more time.” Thought I could have more time with you.

Ten hours, it wasn’t enough, hell, ten days wouldn’t be enough for him to get his fill of you.

“I wanted more time like this,” Echo admitted, and he hoped that looking into your eyes the way he was conveyed exactly what he meant by ‘this’.

He saw your throat tighten and your eyes narrow slightly in thought. “Ten hours?” you asked and he nodded. Another moment of thought passed, then his name was on your lips, a whisper as tender as the kiss you had just shared. You leaned in, your hand cupping his face. “Echo…come home with me.”

He blinked, “Wh-what?”

You were sliding closer to him now, leaving no space between your bodies. “I was just thinking, you have so little time left, maybe I could help make the most of it.” Those gorgeous, now half lidded, eyes of yours were trained on him as you dipped your face closer to his. Hot breath ghosted over his chapped lips, causing a pleasant shiver to ripple down his spine. “Echo, do you want to come home with me?”

He had wanted you since the moment you walked into that bar, so he answered, grabbing your shoulders and pulling you back into that intoxicating kiss. It was less careful this time, as he finally let some of his eager need bleed through. You didn’t seem to mind, wrapping your arm around him as you moaned against his lips.

When you finally parted again, his verbal answer was barely more than a hot breath of a word, “Please.”

You were still panting from the heat of the kiss as you obliged. Not taking your eyes off him, you took his hands as you rose, and walked him back to your speeder.

Your apartment felt like home.

Echo had grown to hate the sleeping pods on Kamino, and the only reason he still considered the planet home was because of his brothers. The barracks on the Resolute were a little better, livened up by members of his legion, his family. But you little home? The little oasis tucked away in the city? It was warmth and comfort and safety. He had only spent a few hours there, but he wanted to curl up in its inviting and personable air, wanted to lay with you in this private haven for days.

But Echo didn’t have days.

He stepped out of the refresher, armor back in perfect order, and he was glad he hadn't shut the door, as the sound of it might have woken you. The lights were dimmed, casting your gorgeous body into a romantic glow. You were laying on your stomach, arms tucked under the pillows and face buried in the sheets. The covers were barely covering you, giving him a wonderful view. He stepped closer to the bed, smiling softly at the peaceful look on your face, the way your hips shifted to a more comfortable pose, and how your hand reached out to knead at the vacant pillow beside you.

He didn’t want to leave.

You had been so perfect with him. Taking him apart piece by piece, kiss by kiss, touch by touch. Patient and sincere, you didn’t expect too much, but took everything he offered. Letting him- begging him to get lost in you, praising his hands, moaning for his lips, taking all of him. The phantom feel of your touch was still making him shiver, and the record of your voice playing back in his mind would haunt his lonely nights for years, he knew it.

Maker, you were perfect.

It was a stupid, fleeting thought, but when Echo had pulled you close afterwards, when he held you, he mused that maybe he wasn’t made for the war. Maybe he had been made for you. Fives was right. He was a stupid romantic, and all he wanted was to be your stupid romantic.

He needed to go.

The fleet would be leaving in little more than an hour, he needed to go, but he was glued to the spot, watching your form in the dim light. Maybe he had put too much of himself into this, maybe you didn’t feel the connection the same way he did, maybe he was just being clingy and hyperbolic, maybe-

You stirred, brows scrunching in a cute little frown, and it was only then that Echo realized that he had reached out to stroke your hair. You blinked up at him, the haze of sleep clinging to your smile.

“Hey,” your voice was husky, even more so than when you had called his name hours before. Then, your eyes took in his armor. “Is it really time to leave already?”

He nodded, and had to clear his throat before speaking, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No, no,” you lifted yourself up and the blanket fell from what little it had been covering before. “I’m glad you did, better than waking up to find you gone.”

That put some of his earlier thoughts at ease, and even more were soothed when you sat on your knees at the edge of the bed, put your arms around him and kissed him again. His hands went to the small of your back, pulling you in even closer, hoping the cold hardness of his armor wasn’t too harsh against your naked body. Your fingers found their way to his hair, just like they had when he was on his knees for you.

He had trouble opening his eyes when you broke the heated kiss, the haze of lewd memories clouding his mind. When they did flutter open, the hand that wasn’t holding you close moved up to cup your cheek. You hummed at the contact, placing a kiss on his palm.

“I…I wish you weren’t going,” you whispered suddenly, and Echo felt his heart soar. “I know you have to, though, ‘out there fighting for all of us.”

“For you,” the words tumbled out in a hushed breath, but he didn’t regret them. “C-can I see you again?” Damn, why did he have to stumble in his words now? “When I come back, I mean.” He swallowed, “I’d really like to see you again.”

You blinked up at him, smile sweet, sincere, as you repeated the same reassuring word he had before you took him home. “Please.”

 .

Work was agonizing for you now.

Before, your breaks had been a welcomed reprieve from the frequency bans and code lines, but now your those moments were just filled with thoughts of him. Worried thoughts. Echo, your sweet, gentle Echo. You weren’t sure when you started thinking of him as yours, maybe after you’d spent hours worshiping each other, but you didn’t suppress the thoughts, not now.

You had to focus on work.

But how could you when your heart sank any time a coworker mentioned the 501st? How could you when in the back of your mind you wondered if he’d had time to send you another message, time to assure you he was still alive despite being sent to the front lines again. Some part of you wondered how anyone could blame you for being distracted, but, thankfully, an even larger part of you pulled yourself together. It was hard to think straight with Echo never far from your thoughts, but you had to. Your work was too important, it could save too many lives. So you buckled down and told yourself that worry could wait for down time.

And oh, by the force did it.

You found yourself watching the news more and more often at night. Caught your fingers opening your inbox just to double check that you hadn’t missed a message. Maker, you had it bad, didn’t you? Thankfully the man who had so effortlessly stolen your heart was good at easing your worry. His messages to you hadn’t slowed, he contacted you any moment he could, played his next word in your ongoing game, sent pictures of him and his brothers with that dorky smile on his face.

How could you not fall for him?

And that’s what had happened, wasn’t it? Somewhere between the silly pics and kisses in the rain, you had fallen head over heels for the trooper. Fallen faster and harder than you ever had before. It scared you at first, how deep your feelings ran, but you didn’t have the heart to hide from them, not when you remembered the way he had held you, not when he had looked as though his heart was breaking when he left you that night.

Even still, you couldn’t tell him, could you?

Just how deep the well of your feelings for him were. It was too soon to say all that, perhaps. So you’d be content with those cute messages and online games. Well, not quite. One night you couldn’t resist the urge to see his face again. While you were making dinner, he had replied to your last text, mentioning that they would, thankfully, be in hyperspace for a while, giving them a much needed break. So, you tried something new, and asked if he had time for a holo call.

Your heart was leaping stupidly when, not five minutes later, there was a beep sounding from your home holo device. You pressed the ‘accept’ button without even checking who it was and, from the waist up, Echo’s image flickered to life. His brows were high, mouth open just slightly.

“Cyare, is something wrong? Are you okay?”

A relieved laugh came out as you leaned against your kitchen counter. “I’m fine, I just…wanted to hear your voice? Or maybe see your face.” Or maybe both, you added to yourself.

The holo crackled as he let out a breath, then, his image was smiling back at you. “In that case, I’m glad you asked me to call, because I…” he scratched the back of his neck, “I missed your voice too, and your face.” His eyes went wide. “The face part sounded weird, didn’t it?”

Another laugh, “No, it didn’t, it’s nice to know my face is missed.”

And just like that, you two settled into conversation, just like at the bar, just like on that rooftop. Everything just felt so right with Echo, even your heart wrenching worry. 

That wasn’t the only time you two spoke via holo call. Though, the second time was more heartbreaking than your constant worry, because it was a reminder of why you worried.

You had just been cleaning up before bed when the message came in.

>I know it’s late on Coruscant, but are you awake? <

Quicker than you thought possible with all the space between you two, the moment you replied “yes” a call came in. And your heart sank at the sight that flickered before you. He looked tired, the bags under his eyes apparent even in the blue hues, face unshaven, short hair ary as if he had been pulling at it.

“Hey,” his voice was too horse, too…broken.

“Echo, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

He was silent for a bit, eyes averted, then, he drew in a breath, shaky, ragged. “We…we lost a lot of brothers today.” There was a sound behind him, like plastoid scraping against durasteel. The shake of the holo that followed confirmed that Echo had slid down a wall. Where was he? The background was dead silent so not the barracks, you prayed he wasn’t curled up in some random hallway alone.

“Talk to me,” you whispered, “I’m here, Echo, whatever you need, I’m here.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, pulling another ragged breath between his teeth. “They hadn’t even been here that long,” he whispered, “they were so proud, so ready to serve in the legion. Some didn’t even have their names yet-” your name fell from his lips with a sob and it broke your heart that you couldn’t put your arms around him, pull him close so he knew he wasn’t alone. “No one’s gonna remember them, no one but me and a few others who bothered to talk to them. That’s all I kept thinking about, that no ones even gonna know what they were like, or know them well enough to miss them.”

You swallowed the tears that were building behind your eyes, Echo didn’t need that right now, he needed you. “Tell me what they were like.” The words were out before you could think them over, but you doubled down on the sentiment. “Talk about what they were like, so I can remember them. I’ll grieve for them with you, Echo.”

When his eyes darted back to yours, you saw something trail down his cheek and oh, how you longed to brush that tear away. You raised your hand to where his face would have been, hoping that he at least got the sentiment. He closed his eyes, perhaps imagining your palm on his cheek. A moment passed, and his next intake of breath was at least a little calmer.

“Okay.”

Hours passed, but you wouldn’t dream of complaining. He told you about all of them, the ones with names, the ones with numbers, the ones he’d only spoken to once. Told you all the little quirks and subtle traits they had, every notable thing they had said to him. And, he told you about their deaths.

It got harder to hold back those tears, but you managed it for him, because it was what he needed. Eventually he was spent, drained of anymore words for his fallen brothers. He still looked so tired, but you were glad when he told you they had another three days before their next mission. At least he had some time to rest. 

Though, your heart clenched when he mentioned the possibility of a covert operation of some kind.

“I should let you sleep,” he said eventually, “ ‘m sorry I kept you up this long.”

“Don’t apologize, you needed to talk.” When all he did was nod you added, “Are you sure you’re ready to hang up?” 

Something told you not to hang up, to keep him as close as the stars allowed. 

“I can stay on and-”

“No, no, I think I’m ready for bed too,” he somehow managed the smallest smile then, “thank you. Thank you for staying up with me this long.”

You smiled back at him, still longing to pull him into your embrace. “Echo, anytime you need me, I’m here, you know that, right?”

He was silent for a beat, just staring back at you with tired, almost astonished eyes.

“I love you.”

Who would have known those words sealed your fate.

Your heart skipped a beat at his words and before you could even fully register what he said, he whispered your name, and repeated the affection with a firmer tone.

“I love you so much. I probably should have waited til I saw you in person again, but, I couldn’t stomach waiting, not after what happened today. I…I hope it’s not too soon or…”

“I love you too, Echo.”

Some more tension left his shoulders, and his expression relaxed. “When I see you again, I’ll say it properly, with you wrapped up in my arms.”

People rarely see heartache and pain coming, and your fate was sealed.

“I’ll hold you to that, trooper. But, for now, you better get some sleep, okay?”

A fate of longing and grief.

“Okay, goodnight, cyare.”

You couldn’t have known your love wouldn’t last.

Three days later, Echo warned you that he had to go silent, that their next mission was a covert op, that it might be awhile before you got another message, but that he’d call you the moment he could.

To tell you he was okay.

The ding came when you were on your lunch break.

To tell you he was safe.

Hoping it was Echo you opened the message instantly.

To tell you he loved you again.

Your heart stopped when you saw that it was Fives, not Echo, but his brother in arms using his comm.

In the end, he was a hero.

The device clattered to the ground, rage and tears wracking your body fast and hard.

>I know he would want me to tell you, so it didn’t come from some stranger. <

Your body was soon to follow and Mavis was by your side in an instant.

>He was trying to save our shuttle <

She held you tight as the sobs tore your throat apart.

>He was a hero. <

You didn’t want him to be a hero! You wanted him here and safe and alive!

>I’m so sorry. <

[wellthatwasaletdown]

Hi this is about where Harry said about a flat tummy. It was in Heat magazine in the UK in 2011. It was a print article and not online - but I’ve linked a contemporaneous tumblr quote of it. There’s also some tumblrs reacting to the interview at that time.

He’s asked his favourite body part on a girl and he said “a flat smooth stomach is always nice”. He also mentions that most of his girl friends have been blonde, but a good brunette is always nice.

It’s so funny to read the older, non guarded, interviews. He comes across as cheesy, cringy and not a gender neutral pronoun in sight.

##########

Thanks, anon. Your link was to another blog, and I didn't want to send trolls there. I looked for another source but couldn't find one, so I'm just going to paste the transcript here. If anyone remembers this interview or has a link to it somewhere else, please provide it.

Also, massive grain of salt. It is a transcript of an interview that was supposedly done with Heat Magazine. The original blog who transcribed it deactivated in 2012:

Heat interview with Harry Styles... WEEK FIVE

Heat: What's your nickname?

Harry: Curly.

Heat: Loves?

Harry: Sleep and food. I like fine dining, like at The Ivy - the shepherd's pie there is unbelievable.

Heat: Hates?

Harry: Smoking, drugs, Niall's farting.

Heat: Favourite position?

Harry: Missionary? No, I'm joking.

Heat: Describe yourself naked in just three words...

Harry: A bit disappointing.

Heat: If you were invisible for the day what would you do?

Harry: I'd like to say something cool, but I'd probably run into a girls' changing room at least once.

Heat: Blonde, brunette or redhead?

Harry: Any, really. Most of my girlfriends have been blonde, but a good brunette is always nice.

Heat: Legs, boobs or bum?

Harry: All of them. But I'm more into legs and bums.

Heat: Skinny or curvy?

Harry: Curvy, so there's more to grab on to!

Heat: When did you have your first kiss and who was it with?

Harry: I can't actually remember... I think it was with a girl at school when I was 11.

Heat: Do you have any distinguishing marks on your body?

Harry: I've got four nipples. I think I must have been a twin, but the other one went away and left its nipples behind.

Heat: When were you last naked?

Harry: This morning after my shower, then twice afterwards. [Smiles.] I like these questions - they're a lot more daring then we're used to.

Heat: Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

Harry: I don't know. I do quite like having a girlfriend as it's nice to have someone to spoil.

Heat: Have you ever dumped anyone by text or e-mail?

Harry: If I said "no", I feel like I would be lying. I think I've done it on the phone.

Heat: What's your favourite part of a girl's body?

Harry: Well, a flat, smooth stomach is always nice.

Heat: Where would you take heat on a date?

Harry: Wherever heat would like to go. Maybe we'd go to The Ivy as the food's nice there and it's got a good atmosphere.

Heat: And what would we have for pudding?

Harry: I don't know. Whatever "afters" she'd let me [give her]!

Heat: Rate yourself out of ten for looks, personality and sense of humour...

Harry: For looks, I'll give myself a generous seven. Personality-wise, I'll go for eight, because I'm a hoot! I have an extremely morbid tone, which is very good for being sarcastic. [Laughs.] And as far as a sense of humour goes, I'll give myself a nine.

[galraluver]

Can I ask about a bit angsty scenario? I’ve got one idea

It is an au where Blaytz and his s/o are engaged but there is one of nalquodi (gender neutral/up to you ) is really pissed because they were in love with Blaytz so they attempt to kill his s/o

However, s/o is alive, but what Blaytz will do with that poor nalquodi?

Of course you can. I'm honestly not good at writing angsty stuff but I'll try my best

Also, Vulu is just a random name I'm using for the sake of this fic

_________________________________________

Blaytz sat on a chair in the waiting room of the palace infirmary as he waited for the doctor to come get him, trying his best not to worry about (Y/n) being dead after she had nearly been killed; he knew exactly who did it but during that moment he just wanted to make sure his fiancé was going to live. The nalquodi king felt so many emotions swirling around inside of him while he waited which was expected since he literally found (Y/n) nearly bleeding out in home earlier that same day. Blaytz decided to pay her a visit earlier and when he saw Vulu near her home he knew nothing good could come of it; the other nalquodi man was in love with him and hated (Y/n) because Blaytz loved her instead of him. He would get revenge later, although for the time being he wanted to make sure (Y/n) was okay; just because he was a paladin of Voltron didn't mean he couldn't sentence someone in his kingdom to death for attempting to murder the woman he was going to marry. Blaytz stood up when the doctor finally came to get him after four hours of waiting, the young king meeting them halfway across the waiting room.

"How is she?" Blaytz asked the doctor with a soulless tone, mentally preparing himself to receive news of her death which thankfully wouldn't be the case.

"She's very weak from all the blood she lost but she'll live, although she's going to need to stay here until she gets her strength back. She's been asking for you ever since she woke up." The doctor calmly answered as they gave him the good news; they just barely managed to save (Y/n) after giving her a few blood transfusions.

"Thank you for saving her." Blaytz responded after he let out a sigh of relief, immediately rushing into the room where his lover was waiting for him.

The doctor smiled as they watched Blaytz leave them behind, deciding to give the nalquodi king and his soon-to-be queen the privacy they needed. In the meantime, once Blaytz entered the room his significant other was laying in he stopped in his tracks and looked at her; seeing her usually radiant (S/t) skin look so pale made his heart ache with sorrow. He would pay Vulu a 'special' visit the next day to get rid of him, although during that moment he was focused on seeing his true love. Blaytz took a deep breath before he softly called her cute nickname, smiling as he quietly walked over to his girlfriend's bedside. (Y/n) missed her significant other and finally seeing him after waiting for so long made her reciprocate the smile; she felt her heart beating faster when she saw him, happy to see her sexy boyfriend.

"Hey there, my sweet princess. I heard you were asking about me." Blaytz spoke softly as he leaned against the bed a little and knelt down so he was closer to her height, a sexy grin tugging at his lips as usual.

"Hi casanova, I really missed you… I was afraid that I was going to die earlier, thank you for saving me." (Y/n) said hoarsely, barely able to speak when she thanked him for saving her life.

"I could never let anything happen to you; you're my favorite girl and I intend on having you by my side for the rest of my life." Blaytz replied emotionally, gazing into her eyes while he spoke in a soft tone.

"But Vulu-" (Y/n) began to say before she was cut off, thankful for the distraction since her throat felt too dry seeing as she hadn't had anything to drink since earlier that afternoon.

"I'll take care of him, don't worry about it. I promise that he'll never hurt you or anyone else again." Blaytz reassured her, planting a gentle kiss on (Y/n's) forehead right in between her feelers.

(Y/n) closed her eyes and felt her heart racing in her chest, causing the heart monitor to go crazy while also pumping a little extra blood through her veins after Blaytz softly kissed her forehead. The young nalquodi woman would be traumatized for a while after the incident, but thankfully she could see the royal therapist whenever she needed to. A few moments later Blaytz took it upon himself to go get a cup of cool water and a plate/bowl of (Y/n's) favorite fruit for her; she needed nourishment after everything she'd been through and he would get her everything she needed. He was thankful that (Y/n) was going to live because earlier he had been truly scared about her dying and with her still being alive they could look forward to getting married within the next month. Blaytz would stay in the recovery room with (Y/n) for the whole night, wanting nothing more than to make sure she was going to be okay.

___________

After sharpening his sword in the weapons room Blaytz was ready to get revenge on Vulu after he tried to murder (Y/n); the nalquodi king hated the other man with a burning passion and would make sure his death was slow and painful. Blaytz was known for his kindness and generosity to everyone, but he had no mercy towards those who wanted to kill others out of spite. He ate breakfast with (Y/n) that morning, making sure she had her absolute favorite breakfast food and a cup full of her favorite fruit juice. (Y/n) already looked so much better compared to the previous night, although she still needed time to fully recover and Blaytz decided it was time for her to move into one of the spare rooms in the palace; she would be moving in anyway, so the sooner the better. Blaytz knew exactly where Vulu lived and knocked on the front door of his house when he arrived, unsheathing his sword while scowling.

"Hello Blaytzy, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Vulu flirtatiously asked Blaytz when he opened his front door, acting as though he didn't do anything wrong.

"You tried to kill (Y/n), now you're going to pay dearly for what you've done." Blaytz seethed angrily as he pointed his sword right at Vulu's chest and stepped forward, backing the other man up into his home.

"You mean to say that bitch survived? Oh p-please, she's not good enough for you." Vulu spat with a venomous tone, narrowing his eyes at the man who he loved.

"Yes, she survived, and you won't." Blaytz foretold darkly; he backed Vulu up to a wall and dug the tip of his sword into the center of his chest, preparing to end the other man's life.

Vulu closed his eyes and spoke his final words of endearment for Blaytz, his words being in vain because Blaytz would never reciprocate those feelings. He thought about the first time he met Blaytz back when they were younger, remembering how he had been head over heels in love with the nalquodi king when he was nothing but a prince as soon as their eyes met. Blaytz didn't say anything when he ended Vulu's life forever, knowing he would need to clean the blood off of his sword when he returned the the palace; Vulu's lifeless body slumped to the floor after he let out one less wail of agony, no longer able to hurt anyone else. Blaytz felt a lot better after he pushed his sword through Vulu's chest right where his heart had been located, making sure he was dead before he left. After returning to the palace and giving his sword to a servant who would clean it for him he went to go tell (Y/n) the good news, sharing a loving kiss with his future queen; the two of them would go on to live a long happy life together, their relationship always being passionate, and bringing sixteen children into the world along the way.

[procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics]

@kaesosposts left this comment, and i’m finally getting around to replying (it’s been a long week guys)

“Hihi! I’ve been reading a lot of König ‘x reader’ fics on here that use a lot of nicknames, like Maus and liebling and schatz/schatzi etc. Can you do an explanation of various pet/nicknames like those? Like what they mean and how to properly use them? And what words does the German language have that are equivalent to more dirty nicknames? :>”

Okay, so i’m going to preface this by saying that a lot of Germans have taken nicknames from other languages into their daily vocab and some call their s/o babe/baby/etc. second thing to remember - german humour is DRY. If a nickname is especially corny, we might use it to tease our s/o, but i’ll go into that a bit more later. Third thing - i don’t think i’ve ever met a german that comfortably dirty talks in their native language. It’s not really a thing. I’ll still put some stuff down below but me personally? I could never.

Small grammar guide:

There are three genders that a noun can have in german: masculine (m), feminine (f), and neutrum (s). Neutrum sadly cannot be used for gender-neutral/inclusive language. There are also no gender neutral pronouns that i know of, apart from the “respectful” pronouns (Sie, equivalent to “vous” in french or “usted/ustedes” in spanish)

the possessive pronouns in german (which fic writers would need) are mein (s, m), meiner (m) and meine (f) (mine, my). So, if you wanted to say “my heart” you’d say “mein Herz”. This is because heart in german has the article das (s) which is neutrum. So, like you would in french, the possessive pronoun is related to the noun, not the person

this makes some nicknames completely gender-inclusive: Mein Herz, mein Schatz, mein Liebling

some nicknames are gender-specific such as “meine Liebe” (f) or “mein Lieber” (m) and have to be “declinated” (like conjugated but for nouns)

anyway, german grammar can be super complicated, so just shoot me an ask in case you have any questions!! Onto nicknames.

Nicknames for s/os:

Schatz: (treasure) This is a very basic one, something that a lot of people use on a day-to-day basis with their s/o. It’s similar in its usage to babe/baby in english. “Schatzi” would be the cute version of it, but i don’t really hear it being used all that often. Schatz would be a great go-to for domestic/fluffy/longer fics, especially with pre-established relationships

Liebling: (my love, my beloved) i think this may come across as a bit formal. I don’t hear it used very often, but its not necessarily something i cringe at all too much when i do hear it. It’s more something older people use, i’d say.

mein Herz: (my heart) not a very common nickname, but me personally? Absolute sucker for it. It’s very romantic, but the usage is about as casual as in english. Rule of thumb: if the literal translation into english is kind of out of the ordinary, it probably is an out of the ordinary nickname in german as well. Great for angst to fluff fics, romantic fics, fics with lots of emotions!

Maus/Mausi/Mäuschen: (mouse, and its cuter versions). Okay… this is a nickname some people use for their siblings. Not something i’d say, but i can see it with könig (and his size…). Please, no smut. I beg.

Schnucki: (no translation) PLEASE STOP WRITING SMUT WITH THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU PLEASE NO. This is not sexy dirty talk. This is one of the “i want to tease my partner’ nicknames. I have never met anyone that actually says schnucki. Don’t. Please. Just erase it from ur vocabulary/help sheets/…

Bär, Bärchen: (bear) this is a nickname mostly used for male s/os, and i honestly think it would fit König quite well. Maybe if someone wants to write a fic where the reader learns german, u could implement this (e.g. mein Bär -> my bear). Again, kind of plays into the size thing.

A few more “dirty” nicknames:

Again, i personally refuse to speak german in bed, im sorry. Neither do any of my friends/german online friends, but if you will write german dirty talk, here’s some things u can use:

Schlampe: (slut) is a word used in regards to women, works very well for derogatory dirty talk. Holds about the same weight/power of insult as its english translation. Works great imo!

Hure: (whore) this does not work as well as schlampe for some reason. Maybe that’s because it gives kind of archaic vibes?

Fotze: (cunt) if u find this translation online and think of using it -don’t. This is a heavy insult, one that could gain u a slap across the face. Do not, ever, insult a women with this word in a german speaking country if you want people to have respect for you. It’s okay if you did not realise earlier, but this won’t slide anywhere, not even in bed.

there are certainly more phrases u could use when writing german dirty talk, but i honestly can’t think of anything now. Feel free to shoot me an ask if u need anything else!

@/ all the könig writers. german mother tongue speaker here, please please please feel free to drop any german questions for könig into my inbox <3333

the german translators are… not good (which isn’t your fault!) and the nicknames you can find on google are usually pretty badly explained (again, not your fault)

feel free to drop into my inbox for just about anything (apart maybe a 300 word translation) from nicknames to smut phrases :))))

[beautifulbows924]

Reflections 

Steven Grant & Marc Spector x Gender Neutral!Reader

Masterlist

A/N: I’m not sure about this one, I had to edit it a lot and it originally had a fluffier ending, but I decided to lean into the angst. Sorry for destroying your hearts, but I won’t be writing anymore for this series until after the next episode comes out, mwahahaha. As always, I hope you enjoy. Feel free to leave any feedback you have in the comments and if you like my work consider leaving a tip! Thanks:)

Word Count: 1.8K+

Warnings: Angst, Spoliers, self loathing, something important is revealed about the reader.

Summary: You’ve been friends with Marc your whole life, always secretly wishing you could be something more. So when he goes missing for months and suddenly turns up at your door asking you to help make sure one of his alters, ‘Steven’, doesn’t find out about the mess his life has become- of course you say yes. But what does that mean for you and Marc? Especially, when you’ve started to fall in love with Steven too.

Previous Part: Double the Trouble

Next Part: Of Gods and Men

A new pattern has formed.

Whereas you used to find yourself stumbling alone into the bathroom at all hours of the night. Now, most of your sleepless nights are spent with Steven.

When you find yourself out of bed, you’ll call him, ponder your feelings, and wait for a knock at the door.

You always enjoy your time with him. His company is calming, familiar, and yet so different.

He likes to talk to you about the museum. Some mistake they made on a poster or a new exhibit that’s supposed to open soon. He rambles on a lot, but it’s endearing. You’re certain that you could listen to him talk for hours.

Coffee brews behind you quietly, paralleling when Marc came barreling back into your life, bringing Steven along for the ride with him. You haven’t seen him since that night, and you can’t help but think he’s been avoiding you.

A knock sounds at the door. It’s hesitant, but you still hear it.

You throw it open and Steven practically falls into you, his head finding the crook of your neck, his arms winding around your frame in a tight embrace. You’re used to physical contact with him, but it’s never this immediate or intimate. Nonetheless, you welcome him in, kicking the door closed behind you.

“Are you okay Stevie?”, you ask him, concern written all over your face.

He smiles at the use of his nickname, you’re the only one he lets call him that. But it’s gone by the time he pulls back to look at you, “I don’t- I’m not sure”.

He looks exhausted like he does most of the days you see him. But it’s almost worse this time.

“Did something happen?”, you urge him gently.

“I’m still seeing things- hearing things”, he tells you, leaning his chin on your shoulder.

You know he needs reassurance.

“It’s alright, I promise. I’m right here, I’m real”, you rub soothing circles against his back with your thumb. You hate not telling him the whole truth. He deserves to know.

The guilt leaves a sour taste on your tongue.

“I know, it’s not you”, he says, “You’re the only constant in my life. Our relationship is the only one that has ever come naturally to me”.

If you felt bad before, you feel a hundred times worse now. You think about demanding Marc to tell him the next time you see him, but you already know you’re not going to like his answer.

“Steven, we need to talk”, you regret the words the second they come out of your mouth.

“I don’t like the sound of that, but okay, what about?”, he says, clearly worried, pulling himself away from you completely.

You gesture for him to follow you and he does, hands fidgeting, racking his brain for what he possibly could have done.

He starts to blabber as soon as he sits down, “I’ve finally done it haven’t I- I’ve called you one too many times- or was the hug too much? Too long maybe? I’m so sorry- I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable. I was just feeling so overwhelmed. I swear it won’t happen again I-”.

“Steven!”, you exclaim, gaining back his attention, “You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise”.

His entire body relaxes, “I’m-”, he starts to say, but you interrupt him.

“Steven, if you say I’m sorry one more time I’m going to fling you out that window”, you sigh heavily, “You don’t need to apologize to me”.

‘I should be the one apologizing to you’, you think.

His hand finds one of yours underneath the table, squeezing it gently, urging you to speak this time. He’s always been such a good listener.

You start to open your mouth, planning on telling him everything until your eyes notice the mirror hanging on the wall in front of you. It’s Steven’s reflection, but you can tell it’s not Steven. It’s moving on its own accord, not copying his movements.

Marc?

He shakes his head, clearly upset at the situation, his eyes widening in shock when they meet yours.

A silent conversation passes between you, you can’t tell him.

Steven has to say your name several times to pull you from your trance. He’s looking at you fondly, a bit worried.

“Sorry, I got distracted”, you rip your eyes away from the mirror.

“You were going to tell me something”, he reminds you softly, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on the back of your hand.

“Oh”, shit, you can’t tell him what you were going to originally.

You study him for a long moment, how happy he looks with you, how at ease you are with one another, and suddenly your mouth is working of its own accord, “I- I think I’m falling in love with you”. Your eyes widen in shock at your own words, ‘What about Marc?’

“You are?”, he asks.

It doesn’t take long for you to think before you’re answering him, “Yeah, I think so”, you respond, smiling sheepishly, praying that Marc didn’t hear it.

He smiles, leaning closer to you, tentatively pressing his lips to yours. The kiss is soft and sweet just like him. It doesn’t last very long, but you know you’ll remember it.

The next time you glance in the mirror it’s like nothing ever happened.

“How is that even possible?”, you ask, turning to face him.

“Don’t look at me, I don’t know how any of this works. All I know is that no one has ever been able to see me before”, he responds, hands in the air.

“I hate this- keeping things from him”, you change the subject.

“And you think I don’t? It’s for his own good”, he reminds you.

“Is it really? or is it for your convenience Marc?”

He doesn’t respond. He can tell you’re not in the mood for any more of his excuses.

“He’s fine, you’re fine, I’m fine. We’re all fine”, he pauses, “We’ll figure it out later, together, remember?”

“I know you’re right, it’s just stressful”, you pinch the bridge of your nose with your fingers.

“I know, it’ll be okay.”

He stands up, closing the distance between you, placing his hands on your arms, trying to comfort you.

You’re so close that you can feel his breath fan your face again, but this time you don’t move away, “I care about you both”, you remind him.

“I know, we care about you too”.

It was dark when he called you, upset and out of breath. You got to him as fast as you could, “Marc?”

There he was on his knees. He looked defeated, the moon lighting only one side of his face.

“He knows”, he tells you, head hanging low.

There’s a moment of silence, it’s heavy, guilt-ridden.

Marc looks up at you, seeing the silent question in your eyes, “He didn’t take it well”.

You’re angry, you should have convinced him to tell Steven everything from the start.

“No- not you too”, a voice says, coming from the broken mirror.

You and Marc turn to look at it. It’s Steven, now he’s a part of the reflection.

“Steven, everything is going to be-“, you try to reassure him but he doesn’t let you finish, “Bloody hell, no it’s not! I don’t even understand what’s real. I’m stuck in a mirror, and I can barely move”.

You can see Marc tense underneath the low light. It’s as if he’s remembering something awful.

He stands up, walking away from both of you.

“It’s alright, I know it’s strange. Try to take deep breaths”, he says, trying to calm Steven and himself down.

He ignores him, “You know him”, Steven says, his voice filled with hurt, “You’ve been tricking me this entire time! Did you even mean what you said that night?”

“Of course I did!”, you yell, breathing in shakily, tears coming to your eyes.

He ignores you this time, “Am I even real?”, he asks, voice cracking, horrified at the thought.

Your heart breaks for him, he must be so confused.

You don’t answer, you don’t know what to say. You wish you could reassure him, tell him you know why all of this is happening, but you can’t.

“I can’t believe this”, he says, looking between you and Marc, tears filling his eyes too, “I can’t believe that you’ve been with him, helping him this whole time”.

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Really? Then what was it like?”, he says, sounding more upset each time he speaks.

“We were protecting you”, Marc tells him, getting closer to the mirror.

“You’re both liars, I don’t believe you. I don’t trust anything you say”, he looks broken, betrayed.

“Stevie, please”, you try.

“My name is Steven”, he says, his voice the harshest you’ve ever heard it.

It’s all too much. You’re starting to have a hard time taking in full breaths and your heart is clenching painfully in your chest.

“That’s enough”, Marc yells, when he realizes how upset you are. You’re full-on sobbing now, tears streaming down your face.

You can tell he’s still talking trying to explain to him why you did what you did, but it’s all muffled, lost in the background.

It takes the shattering of glass to bring you back to the present.

Steven is gone from the mirror; Marc is breathing heavily, his eyes dark.

You move to comfort him, but as soon as you’re within reach he’s pulling you into his arms, hands moving to cup your face.

“I'm so sorry, I should have never brought you into this”, he breathes out, thumbs wiping away the tears that are still falling from your eyes.

“It’s okay, I wanted to help.”

“I could never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me- if you got hurt because of me”, he says. His eyes are begging you to see that he’s telling the truth, that all he wants is to keep you safe.

“I knew what I was getting into”, you remind him, “And I have you”.

You’re extremely close again, noses almost touching.

“You always have”, he tells you, leaning in closer and closer until your lips are ghosting against each other.

And when he finally kisses you it’s full of raw emotion, like he’s trying to convey all of his feelings in just one kiss.

Like he’s saying goodbye.

He leans his forehead against yours, “You have to go”, he says, with no room for argument in his tone, “I’ll find you, I promise”.

“What about Steven?”, you ask softly, “I’m worried about him, I don’t want him to hate me”.

The air around both of you shifts like someone or rather something has joined you. Marc’s eyes dart across the courtyard like they can see something you can’t.

“He doesn’t hate you, trust me. Now go.”

It takes everything in you to turn around and walk away.

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you want to be tagged or un-tagged down below <3

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[chaoticcmesss]

My mistakes

Izuku Midoriya x y/n

y/n is gender neutral

Warning: angst, OOC Deku, self-doubt, mention of cheating, talking bad of one's self, sadness, a tiny sprinkle of toxic, little bit of gaslighting

Words; 1.7k

part 1 | part 2

*My heart hurts so much while writing this, so I'm sorry in advance* *also my writing sucks a*s and it hasn't been checked at all yet* *i will update when I’ve reread it cause it’s sh*t*

☼this divider was made by me btw☼

I've always wondered what it's like to have someone beg for you to stay in their life. Someone who would do anything just to get you back after a stupid argument.

My whole life I begged for someone to stay by my side so I wouldn't be alone.

I begged my mom to remain yet she left without a care in the world with her new family.

I begged my dad to stay with me yet he didn't even bat an eye towards my direction as he drove off with his mistress, never to be seen or heard from again.

I begged my siblings to stay by my side when my life went downhill, yet they just laughed at me and made sure to never contacted me again only when they need help.

But once I finally found him, the Izuku Midoriya. My life changed for the better with him by my side. He has slowly introduced me to his group of friends, especially his childhood and best friend, Dynamite and Shoto, they are all very nice and have interesting stories to tell. I knew that I now have people in my life that won't ever hurt me. Dynamight and I became very close with one another as we worked on several cases together and to be honest, we make an amazing duo. Same with Shoto, even though he doesn't really show his emotions that often, it's nice to have a logical conscious around.

Izuku and I have been together for 3 years ever since and nothing would ever come between us, or so I thought.

Our relationship slowly started to change for the worse, he would come home, give me a peck on the cheek and go to his office. He wouldn't even stay in the room with me unless it was necessary. He is always cooped up on his laptop doing the reports and important documents even at home. I don't think he realised that there was a sudden change in his moods or the way he’d come home smelling different. Of course, I’d notice the small details. I'd usually message Dynamight or Shoto on how he is during work and to keep me updated if anything happened.

Yes, I know that being a hero is very hard and tiring but so am I, I do as much hero work as him every day and night, and I made sure that I had time to welcome him back home, I made sure he ate and slept even with a hectic schedule.

But I felt like he slowly forgot about me, about us and what we have been through together.

Does he still love me?

Why is he still with me?

Does he have someone else?

Is he cheating on me with Uravity? (I'm sorry to uravity fans- lol I'm not sorry HA!)

I let these thoughts run around in my head as tears run down my face, maybe I’m just overreacting. Yeah. I'm just overreacting.

Looking at the hanging clock I saw that it was 7 pm, he is probably making his way back home. I don't know what to do with myself.

Do I confront him?

Do I just ignore it?

What do I do?

Taking a quick breather I heard the door open with a familiar jingle of keys and a sigh “y/n I'm home” says the man who I can't even recognise anymore.

It's always been a nickname. 

“Babe”

“Honey”

“Sweetheart”

“Love”

But it was just “y/n”

What happened to the man I fell in love with?

What happened to the man that I gave my heart to?

What happened to my Izuku that held my face as he proclaimed his love for me?

What happened to MY izuku?

“y/n? Are you okay?” Izuku says as he kneels to catch my gaze as he held my knees.

“y/n?”

I knew something was wrong.

Please. Please, God. Anyone. Anyone who’s listening. I don't want to hurt anymore. Please…

Slowly looking up to meet his gaze, I ask the one question that I know will break me, “are we okay izuku?” as I saw his features go from a warm yet soft look to shock and disbelief. 

“What brought this up?” he asked like I'm some kind of idiot.

“Do you still love me like you did when we first got together? Do you even know when our anniversary was? Do you even remember your s/o? Do you still love me?” looking down at my lap, whispering all the questions eating me alive, wanting to find the answers I wanted to hear from him yet. Nothing. Nothing but silence from him.

“Izuku, please. I don't want to stay in this relationship when it's clear to me that you don't. I don't want- I don't want to be at home watching the news on how you and another hero would look good together, I don't want to be at home while watching you realise that you've fallen in love with someone else, I don’t want to be at home while you forget about me and everything we’ve been through. So please Midorya. Tell me what's happening so we can either fix what's left of us or I let you go” 

I knew what his answer would be. All these years being together, I knew him like the back of my hand. I knew this silence all too well.

Izu- no its Midoriya now. It always had been Midoriya, never Izuku. Never my Izuku.

I pull out my phone and text Tsuki to come to get me from Midorya’s place.

“God fucking damnit, I-” standing from my seat to walk over to our bedroom to pack I felt him wrap his arms around my waist as he buried his face into my stomach, feeling the tears soak through my shirt.

“I'm sorry babe, please don't go. Please stay. Please. She was just a fling nothing else! Please stay with me. I need you” he begged me to stay, and he finally begged me to stay. But for what? For him? For us? What's left of us? 

If I didn't know better, I would've agreed with him and stayed but now, things are different. This wasn't the man I wanted to have a future with. This wasn’t the man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Not anymore. All I see in front of me was a man that I don't recognise, a man who I was in a relationship with who was no longer the man I fell in love with, all I see is a lying, cheating man who broke my heart, stringing me along until he encounters “someone else”. Someone “better”

The man that I gave my heart to, so long ago was replaced with a man who didn't care for me at all, a man who would leave me all broken with nothing but a shattered heart. 

I deserve to be happy, I deserve all the good things in life and make sure he goes through the same pain I went through. 

I knew the longer I stayed in this apartment the faster I want to leave.

I removed his arms around me and sped walked to the bedroom locking the door and packing as much as I could fit in my suitcase. 

I knew that there was no us, there was no more love in this relationship. 

I unlocked the door to see him on the couch, covering his eyes as tears descended from them. 

“Go be with Uravity, since you've always gone to her behind my back Midoriya” stating that I knew he had been cheating on me with her, yes I'm sad about being cheated on but at least I made it to the top 5 heroes without sleeping with the judges.

Hearing knocking on the door I knew it was Tsuki so I hurriedly rush towards the door to open it. Turning back to face Midoriya “You might want to get tested for any STDs considering that your side piece sleeps with a LOT of people. OH and I’ll grab my stuff on Thursday” Tsuki grabs my suitcase for me and wraps his arm around me, like a comfortable, muscular shield as we leave this dreaded apartment. Once we left the apartment, all the tears I'd held back rushed to the surface as I sat down in Tsuki's car, weeping my heart out for the love that I had lost, in his arms keeping me from any danger. My heart hurts so much. Knowing that I was easily replaced.   

Katsuki’s POV:

My heart hurts for them, but I knew how this all felt. Watching the love of your life fall in love with someone else who doesn't deserve them at all and watching them get broken hurts so fuckin’ much.

I didn't care how many people were watching us in the car park, all I wanted to do was hold them in my arms and keep them protected from anything that could potentially harm them.

“Let's go home idiot” releasing them from my arms as I secure their seatbelt and put mine on, we headed out to my apartment where they’ll stay for however long it'll take for them to heal even if it takes years. I’ll always be by their side.

“Thank you, Katsu” they whispers to me as they slowly drifted off to sleep

“You’re welcome… dumbass… my dumbass. I’ve waited 3 fuckin’ years for you, I guess I can wait for a couple more” I mumbled looking back to them knowing that they won’t hear me.

Third’s POV:

But little does Katsuki know, y/n heard what he said and couldn’t believe that all this time. Katsuki fuckin’ Bakugou was in love with them. But decided it wasn't the right time or day to say anything after the whole Midorya situation. I guess time will tell when both Katuski and Y/n realise their true feeling.

-Meanwhile-

Midoriya sat in his apartment, thinking of ways to get his precious y/n back into his arms. Knowing that if they don’t come back. He’ll just force his way to get y/n back in any possible way.

The end?

[an-angel-in-the-garden]

Hello! I saw that requests were open and I was wondering if I could request the demon brothers from Obey Me! (separately) with a mermaid s/o? The brothers are unaware that their s/o is a mermaid since they hid themself amongst humans and pretended to be one. But since they’re in the Devildom and they miss the ocean, they’ll take really long baths in the bathroom while in their mermaid form whenever they can. Maybe the brothers find out they’re a mermaid when they accidentally see their s/o in their mermaid form? Gender-neutral please! And sorry if this is kinda a long request. I love your work and I hope you have a lovely day! Thank you! ❤️

Aww, I'm glad you like my work thank you for requesting it! And don't worry I love long requests it really helps me when it comes to writing! I will also say this is technically against my rules as I only write for 6 at a time but I will make an exception only for the Obey Me brothers just please keep that in mind. - Lilly

Set up

It's been a rough week the heat in the Deilvdom Is already above average but this past week has been the worst it's almost unbearable and I want nothing more then to get home so I can soak myself for a while. I've been doing that most days anyway but now it's more out of need than a want. Another hot day and another need for a long bath only this time I would get to relax for even longer! 'Everyone should still be at RAD for the meeting" With how hot it was Diavolo said it would be okay for me to head back so I didn't risk passing out so I would have at least an extra hour before anyone got home! Fully submerged in cool water my Iridescent tail just slightly hanging out I let myself unwind from the week. "Other than the heat things have been good I've kept my grades high and tomorrow we'll be going on a date" My lips pull into a smile as I muse not noticing the sound of knocking or the worried voice of my partner calling out to me it seems only natural this would happen one day but opening my eyes to the shocked face of my lover wasn't how I planned it.

Lucifer

Though fully shocked by the news that you're apparently a kind of merfolk he is also in stunned awe

It might take him a few moments but once he recomposes himself he'll jump straight to questioning you on things

He's not mad not even really a little angry that you kept this from him he just wants to know why and how you hid it....did Diavolo know?!

After you answer his questions he just stands there in amazement as a human he thought you the most beautiful being and now you're also like a shining star

You also have no idea how much pride this man has when he finds out you wanted to tell him and only him for a while now

He does get a little shy about a desire he now has but he still tells you about it (it's wanting to see and swim with you in the ocean)

" My my and here I thought you couldn't surprise me anymore then you already have you truly are my most special one huh?

Mammon

So flustered I mean what was he supposed to do you're in the tub and oh...oh you're a merfolk

He doesn't fully know how to process this information but man he knows he's happy and a little upset

Ask tons of questions and most of them are about why and how you hid this from him

Once that's out of the way Mammon is so excited you've been his number one since before you even started dating but knowing this secret about you and being the only one to know even if it was an accident makes him so happy

You get a new nickname then and there and it's His Sea Jewel though he still calls you his human to cause duh

He plans to take you to the ocean whenever he can just so you be fully yourself and enjoy not being in such a small tub( he might even bribe Asmo so you can use his tub too)

"I always knew you were a treasure but babe this is something else ya know"

Leviathan

:o that's him when he sees your tail, You're a sea dweller like him!!!!

Not even really gonna wonder why you didn't tell him he just gonna make sure you haven't told anyone else

Guess what your new couple's activity is! It's swimming in his aquarium room him in his demon form and you in your merfolk from

Is now a hype man for you talking up how cool it is that you are really a merperson and how it's just like the anime my best friend turned out to be a mermaid!

Will not even think about telling his brothers this is his secret with you now no one else should know unless you want to tell them..

Please let him help clean your tail and fins he will do everything you (⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Satan

He walks out right away and it won't dawn on him at first that you're a merfolk until he's out of the room

Does tons of research on mermaids and merpeople in general

He's hyper-focused on it for a bit and honesty prefers if you want to tell the others because he can brag that you're all his

Teasing calls you catfish and lovingly calls you jellyfish don't ask why

Is really scared now of bringing you with him to play with cats or showing you the cats he brings in thanks to slightly fearing they may try to eat you

enjoys sitting in the tub with you while you stay in your full form even if you like the water cold if it means holding you like this he won't mind

" What a wonderful surprise my dear jellyfish if you ever want to go see the ocean just let me know it will be our vacation plans"

Asmodeus

At first, he was just happy to see enjoying your time and then he saw the tail

He so excited his partner the second most beautiful person in all the Devildom and the most beautiful human is actually a beautiful merfolk

Will not question it at all he understand why you might want to hide it and that Diavolo probably already knew so he's not worried

Asmo already called you many sweet nicknames but his new favorite is Angle fish

Now that he knows he becomes far more committed to helping you out with a beauty routine after all merpeople can't risk their fins and scales drying or being hurt

If you're okay with it he'll want to post about you in your true form mostly bragging about how amazing you are

" I didn't think you could be any more gorgeous yet here you are angle fish glimmering like a clear night star"

Beelzebub

His first thing after seeing you like this is to be worried you're in the heat so often are you ok?

Beel isn't really fazed by the fact you've been hiding this he's just happy you don't mind him knowing

Won't say a word to anyone unless you want him to but will ask if he can at least tell Belphie

He will go to the beach with you whenever you want and starts to take you with him to work out his gym has a huge swimming pool you can use

Really wants to know about food you like now did you enjoy fish or other types of seafood if so raw or cooked he'll plan a dinner for you

Beel will still call you cupcake but sometimes when he wants to tease you he calls you sushi and if anyone calls you that in a mocking way he will fight

" I've always like carrying you around but now I have even more reasons to"

Belphegor

Doesn't ever notice you have a tail he just wanted to know why you were in the bath for so long

Is both in awe and also doesn't care thanks to you he became ok with humans again and even though he knows you're not really one you clearly choose to live like you are

Is fine with keeping it a secret but will also be real smug if you tell people cause now people think your even cooler but your all his

He can sleep anywhere and thought he wont be in the tub with you he will hold your hand and rub your tail while he sits on the ground and naps

Doesn't like going to the beach much but if you really wanna go hell come with you just to see having fun

Will whole heartedly defend you and fight for you if someone finds out and picks on you or if any of his brothers bother you

" Who would've guessed that you would be such a magical person and to not just that but that even being who you are you still choose me"

Okay I hope that this was to your liking and thank you for reading! And a huge thank you to my best friend @bird-brained-plague-doctor for helping me with some of the ideas used!!!!

[struggling-with-time]

How the lack of a nickname can become something more [Corpse x reader]

Paring: Corpse husband x Gender Neutral!reader

Summary: “Hi! Sorry if this is weird, it’s my first time making a request but could you maybe write something for Corpse Husband where the reader is a streamer that’s very friendly and always calls her friends/people she’s playing with these cute nicknames (like babe, sweetie, hun...). But she has a crush on Corpse, so she never uses any of the nicknames on him and everyone thinks it’s because she doesn’t like him, so she has to explain to her stream?” requested by @voidcaine

Warnings: fluff, sorta angst

Words: 1.9k words

A/N: I had a good idea where this was supposed to go, then it went the complete other direction. Also does anyone want to read my original stuff?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Hey guys!” You join the discord call with the group of people to start a game of Raft. Tonight, it’s going to be you, Rae, Sykkuno, Toast and Corpse. You all greet each other and exchange pleasantries.

“Hey Y/N, how was your time off?” Toast is the first to ask about your 2 weeks off from streaming.

“Thank you hun, it was pretty nice. I got a lot of things done, and I can soon tell the date of my next project.” You tease your audience.

The rest have already played the Raft before, leading to them giving you a chaotic introduction to the game. Leaving you more confused about what you are supposed to do than before.

“Rae babe, am I supposed to know what’s going on?” You don’t have to wait long, as Rae immediately responds.

“No. Not at all.” Resulting in a laugh from everyone.

You join into the game, and slowly start figure the controls out. Mostly you are just following Sykkuno around and trying to do the same things as him, yet somehow you do it worse.

Sykkuno ends up falling off the raft and gets killed by a shark before long.

“Sykkuno nooo! Not my sweetheart this world is too cruel!” You act dramatic, before he respawns.

“Does this mean I’m a ghost now? Because I will haunt you for pushing me off.” Sykkuno pokes right back at you.

You share another laugh before getting back to trying to make the Raft as big and confusing as ever. Some more time goes by as you head onto your 4th island this stream.

“Hey Corpse, can you get an axe from the Raft when you get onto the island? I forgot to bring one.” You don’t think much of not giving him a nickname like everyone has one. Well you do, more so you can’t bring yourself to give him one, because you are currently harboring a crush for him. Which means calling him an affectionate nickname, feels like lying to yourself about a future that will never happen.

This goes on for the rest of the stream, nobody mentions it, but in the goodbye section of the stream, everyone is on edge but you. The rest convinced that you have something against Corpse, including Corpse. Especially Corpse.

You stay in voice chat so the 5 of you can bid goodbye without your individual audiences listening in.

“Hey thanks for today, it was a good stream!” You cheerfully tell the others.

“Y/N, what was that?” Rae is the first to ask, bringing the issue the rest has had on their minds since the beginning of the stream.

“What was what?”

“What was not giving Corpse a nickname? You give everyone a nickname. If you look on twitter, there are already people asking if you don’t like him.”

“Rae, I can talk for myself, you don’t have to give me a nickname Y/N.” Corpse adds onto the conversation, now that you think about it, the upbeat mood of the stream has started to falter out towards the end of the stream.

“I’m so sorry Corpse! It wasn’t meant like that not at all! I don’t hate you!” You are quick to respond. If you could see Rae right now, you would be able to see her face, realizing what was going on.

“You know what, how about we leave the two of you to talk it out? Yeah? Yeah.” She quickly kicks Toast and Sykkuno from the call and then leaves herself. Before any of you get a chance to say goodbye.

“So… We are alone now…” You try to break the silence.

Corpse doesn’t respond, he can feel himself starting to go through the worst-case scenarios. That you hate him, and don’t want to be friends anymore. He thought the two of you had become close.

“Corpse I’m sorry, I hope you didn’t start to doubt yourself. I didn’t mean to make you feel like this, I’m so sorry. I’ll release a statement or something. I can fix this. I promise.” You have already thrown yourself straight into panic mode, especially after what Rae said about people thinking you hate Corpse.

Corpse can’t help sigh of relief when you start apologizing, “Y/N it’s alright, but why don’t I have a nickname?” Corpse is unsure if this is alright to ask, he wants to know, the two of you have been friends for close to half a year now, and you usually have a nickname for people with in your first time streaming or playing with them.

“I don’t think that’s something we should talk about over discord.” That was how the conversation dried up, a bit of small talk happened before the two of you bid your goodbyes. Leaving you frustrated over knowing Corpse would only think the worst.

The air between you two had thickened after that day, and everyone you ended up streaming with could feel it, while the two of you could hide it from your fans, your friends was a whole other thing. They had caught on to the two of you not being on the best speaking terms.

You wanted to explain yourself but felt that it was better to do face to face. He wanted to tell you he missed talking like the two of you used to do.

Then a chance finally came, Rae was hosting a party, and you were invited. Your first reaction to hearing it was asking if Corpse was coming too. Rae had told you he said yes, so you booked a ticket to the big city from your small town in Colorado. You would be able to stay at the collab house with Rae.

You were excited to meet the others again, you had only been able to meet up with Rae twice before. So, this was a good chance for you to talk to the others some more, and not to mention come clean to Corpse.

You settled down in Rae’s room quickly, and greeted everyone as you walked around the house, waiting for more guest to arrive. You kept looking for Corpse. Making you not the greatest conversational partner as you barely listened, only agreeing, and disagreeing on the right times.

You notice his mop of black curls quickly when he comes into the living room. You immediately leave the conversation you were barely listening to, you try to wave him down, but he doesn’t seem to have noticed you.

You head his way instead; he’s currently talking a bit to Rae probably thanking her for inviting him. You stand a bit to the side not saying anything just waiting for your turn, as to not interrupt their conversation. Rae points to you, and wave you down. You try to act surprised, not just having stood there like a stalker and watched their entire conversation.

“Hey,” you smile at him, and he returns it.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Rae walks away, totally not having planned this so the two of you could meet. Rae had after the awkward conversation gotten the real reason out of you why you didn’t want to give Corpse a nickname. While she had enjoyed teasing you about your crush, she had never spoken a word to anyone else about it.

“So… we finally meet.” You try to break the ice.

“We do, do you want to go outside?”

“Oh, thank god, yes.” You follow after him, not noticing Rae pointing the two of you leaving to go outside to Sykkuno that she might have told your secret to by accident.

You find a bench and settle down, the weather being pretty decent, no wind to be felt.

“You said, you wanted to talk about what has been bothering you face to face?” Corpse gets straight to the thing that’s on both of your minds.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about it, I really am, I’m sorry, I know I’ve been cryptic and-”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing, we’re friends. Don’t apologize for existing.” Corpse reassures you.

“Yeah, sorry about that… I don’t know how to tell you this, and I really don’t want to ruin our friendship and I mean that. And I realized I had caught feelings for you, it wasn’t on purpose I swear.”

“Why would-”

“Please let me finish before you ask anything.” You look at him pleading. He nods to let you continue. “I didn’t want to give you a nickname, and I know that’s my entire brand at this point… I just couldn’t get myself to call you something affectionate and keep it platonic in my mind. Because I wanted more, I still do. I don’t want to just be your friend, and I don’t want to ruin what we have, because you are a good friend, one of my best.” You rub your hands over your face.

You can feel the awkwardness radiating off Corpse.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” You get off the bench and prepare to walk away when Corpse grabs around your wrist.

“Didn’t I tell you not to apologize for existing.” You can’t help but laugh a dry laugh, you can feel the tears ready themselves as you wait for the inevitable rejection.

“Corpse, don’t drag this out. I like you okay, and I don’t want to be more hurt over it.” You try to tug your hand to yourself.

“What if I like you too?” He might not have been as in tune with his feelings as you had. However, he had come to realize he had feelings for you. They had crept up on him in the form of suddenly missing you whenever you hung up after talking. They had come at him slow and over a long time, while your feeling had washed over you as a tsunami coursing through your heart.

“Corpse, it’s okay, just let me down gently.” You take you free hand to dry the tears that are now seemingly escaping.

“No Y/N, what if I like you too. Because I do. I like to hear your laugh, I like when we talk so far into the night I can hear your roommates alarm go off. I like when you say my name, even if I was you would give me a nickname.” He can’t help but chuckle. “ I like you Y/N.”

Your tears are now streaming out not of sadness but of the pure happy feeling of having your feeling returned from the guy you never thought who would return them.

He pulls you into a hug.

You can’t help but whisper to him.

“I like you Corpse.”

“I like you too Y/N.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

[proserpina-magnus]

Marauders+ other peep’s reaction to the reader getting a piercing?

Hi!! Since I’ve been inactive for a few weeks I decided to add a lot more characters for this reaction,

this includes: Lily, Marlene, Bellatrix, Molly, Mary, Dorcas, Alice, Arthur, Barty Crouch Jr, Severus, Gideon, Fabian, Frank,

The main boys have a slightly bigger reaction than the rest, but in majority these aren’t that long! I hope you enjoy it, xoxo.

Marauders + Other Peeps reactions to you getting a new piercing

Word count: 1.4K

[ Warnings: mostly gender neutral with some female terms/nicknames, mention of needles/blood, etc… ]

James Potter:

- you didn't tell him that you were going to get another piercing, so he sees you during the first class of the day and he flips.

- After class, he ditches the rest of the Marauders and zooms over to you.

- "uh hello beautiful? What's that impeded in your skin?"

- he has a funny tone, but he's worried that you hurt yourself. He likes the piercings you have, but he just wishes you did it professionally.

- "Okay, are you cleaning it? Did you sanitize everything you used? It looks irritated, let's go to the infirmary,"

- he worries that you might get an infection, but when you tell him everything's fine, he calms down.

- "you look beautiful with it,"

Peter Pettigrew:

- he likes when you get new piercings, he always buys you more accessories as gifts. He doesn't understand the idea behind them, but he thinks you look cute.

- one day, you walk into his room with your piercing kit. Grabbing Peter's hand, you take him to the bathroom and sit him on the toilet.

- " I wanna get a new piercing," you state, smiling as you turn over and start to clean up. Peter is flabbergast, but he watches with his hands on your hip.

- "oh love, did that hurt?" He asked, twitching slightly as he heard the thud from the needle going through.

- after you finished, he smiled and kissed your cheek.

Remus Lupin:

- you tell him that you're thinking about getting a piercing and he encourages you to do it.

- he didn't think you would, since you have been talking about it for a long time. But when you stride over confidently to where he sat at the Gryffindor table, he instantly knows what you did.

- he enjoys your confidence, hugging you with a kiss.

- "let me see, I wanna see how pretty you look with it,"

- the new piercing compliments you well and Remus makes all his friends compliment you for the new look.

- "you look good bun, I hope it doesn't hurt too bad,"

Regulus Black:

- After you finish piercing and cleaning up, you go and find Regulus to tell him.

- when you tackle him with a hug from behind, he turns around and scoops you in his arms.

- "oh mon amour, I needed that...-what the hell did you do?"

- he grabs your face and tilts it, looking at the piercing. You explain what you did and Regulus only shakes his head.

- "oh amour, Merlin. You could have hurt yourself,"

- he is gentle with that area for a few days, making sure that you're okay and periodically checking that it's getting cleaned.

- He likes it more than he would admit.

Sirius Black:

- "you pierced without me! You traitor!"

- if he doesn't have that piercing done, he will go to the bathroom and do it himself so he can match with you.

- he only gives a giant smile when you start to yell at him, blood seeping from the pierced skin.

- "what! I just wanted to match with my lover, is that so bad?"

- He kisses around the area where your piercing is, even pinching the delicate skin so he can get a reaction out of you.

- "Alright, I'll stop! You're just too cute. It looks really good, I'm glad you did it."

- a gift for being inactive for so long -

Alice Fortescue:

- her eyes sparkle as she looks at it, her soft fingers touching your skin gently so she can peer closer at the jewel.

- "it looks so pretty! Did it hurt?"

- when you tell her all about it; she just smiles and listens. She will probably go back to her dorm and tell all her dorm mates about it.

- "Did you see [ name ] new piercing? They look so cool!"

Bellatrix Black:

- "huh? What the hell is that in your skin?!"

- she grabs your face and just turns it every direction, eyes wide with the grittiest look in them. She doesn't understand until you explain it to her.

- "why would you ever want to do that?"

- you explain that you just enjoy it, she looks one more time at it before just shrugging it off. It takes her a while to get used to it.

- "Can you give me a piercing? I want to match,"

Dorcas Meadows:

- "Hey, you got a new piercing!"

- she asks you all about it, thinking there is a deeper meaning behind your want for it.

- she lets you talk all about it, her eyes intense as she listens to you talk and show her all your piercings.

- "Wow... you're so pretty. You are the most genuine human I have ever seen; I love your soul,"

Lily Evans:

- "... are you making sure you’re cleaning it properly?"

- Lily Evans is definitely the parent/mom in the relationship, she just wants to make sure it doesn't get infected and that you hurt yourself.

- "YOU DID IT BY YOURSELF?! I mean, it looks good but you should have gotten a professional!"

- she lectures you, but she thinks you look really good with it and compliments you.

Mary MacDonald:

- "something different about you..."

- she looks you over with a finger to her chin, thinking about what you did to change your appearance.

- after a while, she shrugs. "I don't know what it is, tell me!"

- when you show her the piercing, her eyes light up as she gets really close to you.

- "wow! That's so cool, Marlene as one just like yours! You pull it off really well,"

Marlene McKinnon:

- "Hey... where matching!"

- she will show you her piercings, explaining the history behind them.

- every time she sees you, she'll make sure you're doing alright and it doesn't hurt.

- she probably wants to start a "piercing party", where a bunch of people come over for a sleepover and pierce each other. Lily shut down the idea before it could even begin.

Molly Prewett:

-"ugh! You're so lucky, my mum won't let me!"

- "you look fucking brilliant though, pull it off better than most people,"

- she is constantly looking at it, asking you questions and poking it.

- as a gift, she will probably give you more piercings to try out to switch with your current one.

Arthur Weasley:

- he taps you on the shoulder, watching as you turn around.

- "What is that?"

- you explain to him what it is and how you do it, his eyes get wider as you explain it's a common thing.

- "is that a muggle thing?"

- He understands ear piercings, but other body parts make him confused. But in general, he thinks you pull it off.

Barty Crouch Jr:

- His eyes instantly go to the piercing, his eyes moving with it as you talk. When you get his attention, he just smiles weirdly and licks his lips.

- "it looks hot,"

- He laughs when you punch his shoulder lightly, rubbing his arm.

- He probably has nipple piercings (because his dad said he couldn't pierce his skin, but of course Barty rebelled out). He would show you, lifting his shirt as he showed them off.

- "ya like them? I did them myself,"

Frank Longbottom:

- his eyes go wide as he looks at your piercing, finding it fascinating how you use piercings to showcase who you are.

- "hi... hi yeah, I just wanted to say that you are absolutely stunning,"

- he keeps flattering you, absolutely in awe at the new look.

- in class, he has to get reminded to pay attention. He finds himself constantly looking towards you, his chin resting in his palm.

Fabian Prewett:

- his tongue pokes out as he watches you from afar, not understanding why there was a jewel in your skin.

- "Hey... HEY! Wait up speedy! What's that thingy you got in your skin? Is it some type of disease?"

- when you explain what it is, his mouth agape as he sticks out his tongue.

- "Do you think I can get a tongue piercing? Ya know... for the lady's,"

Gideon Prewett:

- "wow... WOW,"

- he just stares and pokes it, a smile on his face as you swat his hand away.

- "Is this a prank? How did it go in?"

- "a... A NEEDLE?"

- when you burst out laughing, he starts to awkwardly laugh in confusion.

Severus Snape:

- he would think you looked funny and would tell you his thoughts.

- "it looks dumb, you looked fine before,"

- when you told him why you did it, he just sorta grimaced and shrugged his shoulders.

- "Whatever, if you like it then there's nothing I can do,"

- If you start to get more piercings, he would sort of just give a weird look but not mention it.

[sorryjustafangirl]

what home is

a/n: this is my submission for @antoineroussel 's summer fic exchange 2k21! thank you for organizing this all demi. i recieved @timstuetzle and i am so excited to finally share this! im sorry it's so late but i had a lot of fun writing for Tim and i hope i did him justice! i made this a gender neutral reader again, so please enjoy my take on some friends to enemies to lovers :)

pairing: tim stützle x reader

word count: 18k+ (holey moley)

warnings: some angst, set in no covid-universe, a few swears, an odd timeline

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and real person fiction if you don’t like that, please don’t read! the banner is made by me, with photos found from pinterest and the transparent made by @art-and-the-hockeys (thank you!!!)

The start of the season was your favourite. The chill of the rink, the sound of skate edges on the ice, the smell of skate sharpening- it was all so familiar. As an analyst, the start was the best. There were new lineups, new plays, and a chance to try new things. Considering this was your first year as a real analyst, not just checking over others' work, you were excited. You got to actually help to build a Stanley Cup winning team.

What you didn’t love was how everyone seemed to lose their heads and decide to run around the arena. You’d been looking for the coach of the Ottawa Senators for the past twenty minutes. You’d think the man would be in his office the first day back, but no. He decides to take a stroll to who-knows-where and leaves you to follow invisible breadcrumbs.

Eventually, you found yourself on one of the lower levels. You continued down the hallway, entering an open space with concrete floors. The bustle of the new season was in full swing as you swerved between various people working like gears in a machine. You tried to do your best to stay out of other people’s way but you still ended up walking into a hard surface.

“Oof!” Shit. Hard surfaces don’t usually talk. You looked up at what you ran into and saw two men staring at you. Both were wearing Senators hoodies but one was a taller blond and the other a slightly shorter brunet. The brunet has a backwards snapback on but that wasn't what made you stop in your tracks. It was his eyes. They were soft and welcoming, something like a home cooked meal, but they had a glint of adventure in them.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I wasn’t really looking where I was going. I am so sorry.” You apologized to the blond you ran into.

“Hey, all good. I’m-”

“Number 7.” You turned toward the brunet. “And...number 18, right?” When they both gave you a weird look, you shrugged. “I’m an analyst here so, uh, you’re just numbers to me.”

“Okay, ouch but you are the reason we’re going to be winning more games this season, so I'll give it to you. I’m Brady, and this is Jimmy.” The blond gestured to himself first, before gesturing beside him.

“It’s Tim, actually.”

You introduced yourself to the two players, before looking around the hallways. “Um, would either of you happen to know where the coach is? I can’t find him,” You held up the file folders in your hands. “I’ve got new numbers for him.”

“Oh yeah he’s probably close to the ice, we’ll show you.” Brady started down a hallway, both you and Tim falling in stride behind him. “So Numbers-”

“-Y/n-” You glared at Brady for the nickname, rolling your eyes as he continued on. From your peripheral vision, you saw the corners of Tim's mouth turn up.

“-If you don’t mind me saying….either you look really good for your age, or you aren’t old enough to be working here,” He continued, giving a glance your way.

You looked down at your shoes and gave a sigh. “I get that a lot, and I am young-er than my colleagues but I assure you, I am qualified to work for this organization.”

“Wasn’t doubting that, just seeing how much I get to tease ya. Jimmy’s the rookie,” He elbowed him and Tim tried to swerve around it, only to bump into a stack of pylons. Brady and you shared a grin at his expense. “So he gets all the teasing. Same for the numbers people. You’re the rookie.” He shrugged

“Well, I’m not actually a rookie anymore. This is my second year here,” You mentioned, looking towards the two guys. Brady looked impressed whereas Tim’s eyes went large and his jaw slack a little.

“How?” He asked, and you laughed. The three of you turned a corner, and you walked slightly faster to talk.

“I graduated high school pretty early. And then took my statistics undergrad at the University of Ottawa. I minored in sports studies and I met your GM at a conference for the department. When he found out I was in Ottawa alone, he kinda took me under his wing, checked in every now and again. When I graduated two years ago, he offered me an analyst position and I was lucky enough to land it. I love working here, even if I’m way younger than everyone else. Last year, I stayed in my office a lot, double checking people’s work but this year, they gave me more responsibility. I’m excited for the challenge.”

“You are going to be great.” Tim said, meeting your eyes, his gaze showing that his comment was genuine. You ducked away from his gaze but muttered a ‘thanks’. The three of you rounded another corner, Brady ducking out to talk to a reporter, but Tim said he’d help you find the coach.

You settled into a comfortable silence as you walked beside each other through the chilled hallways. He abruptly took a left turn, cutting you off and causing you to bump into him. You immediately apologized, this being the second time today you’d run into a hockey player.

“‘S my fault, I’m still getting used to the new arena,” He said, a sheepish smile appearing on his face. He nodded his head down the hallway, as a silent ‘after you’ and you started walking. As you got further down, you realized Tim walked you out to the bench. The light became brighter, the air a little crisper, and the floor turned from a concrete grey to a bright red. Your eyes wandered up, admiring the view from down here. You’d be truthful earlier, you’d only ever visited your office. But from down here, you could see everything- the thousands of seats, the banners hanging from the ceiling, the crystal white ice. You stood close to the wall, as if to try to intimidate a fly on a wall, seeing everything as if you weren’t there. You could feel Tim could up from behind you, letting you take it all in for the first time.

“That’s Coach,” He leaned closer to you as he pointed across the ice towards someone in a tracksuit. You nodded and although Tim dropped his hand, he stayed close to you. The coach eventually noticed the two of you and started to skate over to the bench. Tim cleared his throat and you looked at him.

“I got to- I have to go now, but, um, I’ll see you around?” You nodded to his question, a soft smile on your lips. He rocked back and forth on his heels, as if he knew he had to leave but he kept getting pulled towards you. “Good luck with the season.”

“Good luck with yours too.” At that he turned away from you, and you turned to the coach, pulling out your file folder to talk with him.

***

A week or two later and the start of the season was upon the Canadian Tire Centre. The home opener was in a few days and your week had been hectic, trying to get notes from practices and implement what you saw into your analysis. After a morning full of spreadsheets, you decided to take your lunch break in your sanctuary. Last year, the arena felt too big to stick around in on your lunch break. So you had headed outside, where you discovered a small hiking trail about a ten minute drive from work. It quickly became a place where you went whenever you needed to clear your head. And after the morning you had, it was the perfect place to go, so you hopped in your car and started towards it.

At the top of the hill, you put the car in park, grabbed your lunch bag and started towards your spot. It was past the picnic tables that had a nice view of the suburbs, but it wasn't secluded. Your spot was off the beaten path, but there was a small ledge with a perfect view of the arena, highway, and surrounding green spaces. You turn the corner, ducking under a tree branch, ready to exhale the heck of the morning you had.

But there was already someone sitting in your spot. Their head was down, but you recognized the logo and number 18 on their hoodie. Cautiously, you approached him.

“18...Is it okay if I sit here?” You asked, and his head shot up. He shot you a small smile and quick nod. You sat down, placing your bag in front of you, taking out a granola bar.

“You can call me Tim, you know. That is my name,” You gave him a shy smile and you could feel your cheeks heat up at his comment.

“I didn’t think anyone knew about this place, Tim,” You mentioned quietly. It felt weird, to be honest, to be sharing your spot with someone, but it didn’t feel like he was intruding.

“My city in Germany has a lot of parks. There’s a forest near my house where I’d go when I needed a break. This is the closest I could find near the rink. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Just don’t go telling the whole team about our place,” you winked at him and took a bite of your snack.

“I can keep a secret, don’t worry.” He laughed lightly and sent you a smile.

“I don’t know if you remember me but-”

“You’re the analyst, you graduated super early right? Y/n, yeah?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” You smiled at him. “So, how are you liking Ottawa?”

“It’s alright, I haven’t seen very much of it. The ice is very good. My house is nice.” He shrugged and you gaped at him.

“That’s all you’ve seen? So you haven’t been to Parliament Hill or ByWard market or…?” you trailed off when you saw him biting his bottom lip and slowly shaking his head. “Well, you are missing out, you should go see the city sometime.”

“Do you think you could show me around? You seem to know all the best places,” He offered. You met his eyes and nodded. He dug his phone out of his pocket, passing it over to you. You raised your eyebrows at the gesture but he just pushed his phone closer to you. Silently, you imputed your number, placing a small graph emoji beside your contact name. You handed it back to him and a small smirk graced his face when he saw the emoji, before he pursed his lips at the device. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Sorry, it’s all good. Thank you. It’s- I have to go back now, but I’ll text you, yeah?” You nodded as he handed back your phone. He walked towards the parking lot, but turned around to wave at you before he disappeared around the bend.

Later that day as you sat in the stands, a clipboard and pen in your hands, you got a text from an unknown number.

Hi

It's 18 :)

You chuckled at his use of his number and texted him back.

i thought you said i could call you tim? :(

also it’s practice?? how are you on your phone?

It starts in a couple minutes

your teammates are already on the ice

Spying on me already??

it’s literally my job to watch you practice

Guess I'll see you in the stands then :)

Oh and I'm free this weekend for that showing of the city, team bonding’s on friday

i’ll check my schedule and get back to you

now get out on the ice or you’re going to be late :)

***

You had checked your schedule, and agreed to meet that Saturday. You said you’d pick him up since you knew more of the city. You didn't want to be late so you arrived five minutes early in front of Tim's place. He walked out in his signature backwards snapback, some curls poking out the front, and a monochromatic beige outfit. Waving animatedly at you, he jogged to the car, his ever present smile on his face.

The twenty minutes ride into the city was quiet yet comfortable. A few words were exchanged about how each other’s day was so far but nothing groundbreaking. The low hum of the engine filled the silence as you drove into the city.

After parking in a Superstore (‘Free parking in downtown Ottawa is hard to come by, Tim. We’re parking in the grocery store parking lot’) and walking a few blocks, you come to the far end of the market. Lined with local businesses and brick streets, it felt homey. Tim smiled as it reminded him of back home.

“So, what are we going to see first? Your school?” He asked as the two of you walked along the streets. You laughed and shook your head.

“Pfft no. It isn’t all that interesting. I figured we’d see some of my favourite places, if that’s okay?” He assured you it was and the two of you continued through the streets, Tim with his head down as you passed people. He wasn't famous just yet, but in Canada you find hockey fans at every corner. Soon, you arrived in a small plaza with coloured picnic tables and muskoka chairs.

“Ta-da!” You gestured to the large block letters that spelled ‘Ottawa’ in the middle of the space. “It’s not much, but you’ve got to be a tourist in your own city at least once right?” He laughed along with you and you got out your phone, ready to take a picture of him so he could send it to his parents. You thought he would want a picture of him but he was quick to insist you had to be in the picture as well.

“I’m sorry, but would you mind taking a picture of us?” You asked one of the girls who were taking turns with the Ottawa sign.

“Oh sure!” You stood beside him, between the two ‘T’s in Ottawa, his arm slung over your shoulders. You smiled and looked up at Tim to see him smiling as well- and not one of those classic boy coy half smiles, a genuine one. She took a few landscape and a few portrait ones before handing your phone back. “You two are such a cute couple!”

Before you could correct the girl, Tim answered for you. “We’re just friends actually.” She apologized profusely before rejoining her group. You shuffled your feet as an awkward silence overcame you for the first time since you’d met. Your body shivered and you promptly changed the subject.

“Hey, you hungry?” He shrugged and nodded. You nodded and led him away from the sign, through a few back alleys lined with a few merchants, home artists and such. You entered a building, bustling with people. It was long and narrow, with brick flooring and merchants on either side of the middle. There were lots of people, ranging from people doing their weekly grocery shopping to tourists looking for souvenirs. You weaved between strollers and friend groups, Tim grabbing your hand to avoid getting lost. He kept his head low, hoping it would disguise him enough. This day was about you and him, not you, him and the hockey world. Eventually, the two of you exited the indoor market and came to a small opening. Instead of staying in the opening, you turned left, tugging Tim across the street to two small shacks, one red and one blue. The red one had a classic fairytale vibe to it, with beige wainscotting, red painted window frames, and topped with a white and light brown canopy over the window. Underneath the canopy, there was a string of small Canadian flags.

“Do you trust me?” He arched one of his eyebrows but nodded. “I’ll be right back.” Confused, Tim stood there as you walked up the window, spending no time looking at the menu as you ordered. He looked above the shack to see in fancy lettering the word BeaverTails. When you came back, you were holding two paper containers and had a smile on your face. He looked at the sign and then back to the bags in your hands.

“A beaver’s… tail?” You laughed at him and handed him his BeaverTail.

“It’s not actually a beaver’s tail. It’s just a fried pastry that looks like one. They come in lots of flavours but I got you the best one, cinnamon sugar.” You could tell he was hesitant but bit into his and you took a bite of your own.

Almost instantly, he groaned. “Do you take every guy here? Wow. Oh my god,” He got cinnamon smeared over his chin and you laughed as he tried to wipe it off while holding his pastry.

“Hilarious Tim, but I’ll have you know you’re like my only friend here. So… no I don’t take anyone here.” He scoffed and you raised your eyebrows.

“You’re joking. How do you not have other friends? You’re great,”

“I started university as a 16 year math major. It’s not a surprise people didn’t want to talk to me. But it’s okay. I’m used to it by now.”

“Don’t you have people from home come and visit?”

You scoffed. “I don’t really get along with my mum. We moved around a lot when I was younger and I always sorta resented her for not seeing how it affected me. And then, when I got accepted to school out here, she sold the house and started travelling. Last I talked to her, she was in Tahiti.” He raised his eyebrows.

“What about your dad? Or brothers or sisters?” You swallowed your piece of BeaverTail before answering him.

“I have an older sister, Dani. But she’s eight years older than me, so we're not the closest. She checks in every week or so because she knows my mum doesn't. She’s never come out to visit though, she runs her own business back in Seattle.”

“It must be nice to have someone though. Especially when you were growing up. What about your dad?”

“I don’t- I don’t talk about my dad.” You picked at the pastry before changing the topic. “C’mon, you have to see this place.” You gestured to a side street and the two of you made your way towards your favourite destination. You exited beside a taller building and you pressed the button to allow the two of you to cross the street. As you were waiting for the light to turn, you turned to Tim.

“So, I’m guessing you don’t have any siblings then?”

“No, but the guys at the rink were like my brothers so it wasn’t bad.” The light turned red, and the ‘walk’ light turned on. You made your way across, staying close to each other as people walked both ways.

“Hockey tends to do that,”

“Is that why you picked to work in hockey?”

You glared at him as you made it across the street. “That’s personal.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends share personal stuff.”

“That’s… it’s just different.” You shook your head and lowered the volume of your voice. “Besides, we’re here.” The two of you had stopped in front of some shallow steps that led to a tall archway, with black statues underneath and on top of the arch. It had some engravings on it, both small and large letters. From where they were standing, Tim could make out some numbers, but not well enough to understand the significance. Behind the monument and slightly to the right was the green tipped roof and gothic architecture of the Parliament building.

“What is this place?” He tilted his head as he looked at the arch in the middle of the square. To him, it wasn’t anything special, perhaps another statue of one of the colonizers of the country.

“It’s Canada’s war memorial.” You whispered, and he nodded, clasping his hands in front of his body and lowering his head. “When I was going to school, I’d come here at least once a week.”

His head stayed where it was but he raised his eyes to meet yours. “Why?”

“I know it’s not exactly everyone’s favourite place...because I know so many people died for the country, but for me, it’s a place of silence. Of reflection. It reminds me to be grateful for everything I have. Some days school would be really bad, so this place was perfect to sit and remember that life isn’t bad at all. Not when I was in a safe country, not when I had an education, not when I had a warm house to go back to.”

He nodded. “That seems...perfect. Some days are too loud, there’s too many people saying stuff. I get that.” His voice was quiet as well, as he lifted his head to focus on the stonework and engravings. The two of you stood in silence in front of the memorial for a few minutes more before you tugged on his arm.

“See that building?” You leaned in close to him, your finger extending to point at a building in the distance, a little taller than the ones around it. “That’s the university’s mathematics and physics department. I had most of my classes in that building.” He nodded, leaning in closer to you, your heads almost touching. You lowered your hand and nodded with your head towards the way you came.

“C’mon, we’re not done yet. You’ve got to see the Parliament building.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and headed left towards it. You quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him right. “I’m the tour guide, remember? Trust me, there’s a better view.” You dropped his hand as he started to walk in time with you but you had to shove it in your pocket to replace the heat his hands gave you.

A quick ten minutes walk later and you stood atop a hill overlooking the river. It was a large park with benches and an eccentric art installation in the corner. You walked close to the peak of the hill and stopped, breathing in the fresh air.

“There is Canada’s capital building. It’s nicer to see it from here than from the front where there’s a bunch of tourists. Besides, from here, you get to see more of the architecture.” The building was across the river, its massiveness more pronounced from your viewpoint. There was a dome nearest the river that was covered in flying buttresses, each support beam having intricate details that stood out. The clock tower and green tinted roof completed the gothic look.

“This view is better. Quieter. It reminds me more of home,” You bump your shoulder against his lightly.

“Glad you like it.” The two of you stood in silence until Tim shivered, at which case you decided you should start heading back. If the hockey player was cold, it was cold enough for you too.

The walk and drive back was uneventful, aside from the two of you passing jokes back and forth. When it came to drop him off, he unbuckled his seatbelt but didn’t make an effort to leave the vehicle.

“How much for our snack? I’ll pay you back,”

You waved him off. “It was my treat, don’t worry about it.” He pursed his lips, then shook it. He pulled out his phone from his pocket. A few seconds later, your phone dinged. You glared at him as you opened the text to see an e-transfer. Before you could protest, he cut you off.

“You never said I couldn’t pay for your gas," He laughed, and despite your annoyance at the loophole, you found yourself laughing along with him. He had that effect on you; he seemed to be able to ease any tension you held. “I had a good time today. Maybe we could meet again sometime?”

“I’d like that. I’ll see you at the rink?” He nodded before getting out of your car, waving like he did that morning as you drove off to your place. When you arrived home, you saw a new text from him.

Can you send those pictures you took today?

You tried to suppress a smile, sending them over to which he responded with a ‘Thank youuuu’. You set your phone on your nightstand and turned off the light. Despite your efforts, you fell asleep with a smile on your face from a perfect day with a great person.

***

“Hey, Numbers!” You stopped in your tracks and turned around to see Brady sticking his head out of the dressing room. He had taken a liking to calling you that, especially as you had started hanging around the house more. It was nice, movie nights and sometimes you’d take a pre-game nap with Tim, you had even stayed for lunch at Tim’s request. At this point, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for Brady to shout the nickname from anywhere. Practice had ended and you had given your notes to the coach about what to focus on for the Toronto game. “You didn’t happen to see Jimmy, did you?” When you shook your head, his face scrunched into a small frown.

“Where’d he go? Didn’t media like just end?”

He shrugged. “He didn’t even bother to change from media, he just stalked out. He didn’t say anything to any of the guys, so I thought you might’ve seen him.”

“I’ll keep a lookout for him,” You told Brady before he returned to finish dressing and you returned to your office. But even after you’d settled back into your work, there was a feeling in your stomach you couldn’t quite place. Sending a quick text off to Tim, asking where he was, you dove back into work. But it only took five minutes before you were checking your phone, seeing if he’d read the text or responded. When neither happened, you gave him a call. It sent you straight to voicemail and you hung up before you could leave a message. The feeling in your stomach grew and you packed up your bag, knowing no more work would get done tonight. It wasn’t like Tim to sulk or get in his head; he was a generally happy guy. Something must have set him off for him to be acting this way -- even with you. And if it was something this big, there was only one spot he would’ve gone.

“Brady said you stalked out of media. Figured I’d find you here.” He turned around at the sound of your voice, his shoulders dropping a little. He shrugged, which you took as your cue to take a seat beside him at your lookout space. The sun was setting, the golden hour light reflecting on his stress lines, and the sky was littered with wispy clouds.

Your hands were in the pockets of your hoodie, your legs tucked together. Despite being here for close to six years, the Canadian chill always surprised you. You sat with your shoulder pressed to his, a silent symbol of you being there for him. With his head down, he mumbled something too quiet for you to hear, so you leaned your head down to hear him better. At your movement, he huffed and lifted his head.

“I’m supposed… They wanted me to come and make a difference and to help win games. But I’m not helping! I’m supposed to be putting up points and helping win games, but we’re still losing! Like, why do I suck?”

Your chest got tight at his words. “Tim…”

“You can’t deny it, the numbers say we’re losing.”

“Losing doesn’t mean you aren’t producing. This is your first year in the NHL, you wouldn’t be here if they didn’t think you were worth it. Hockey is a team sport, it isn’t just your job to win the game.”

“But they wouldn’t have gotten me right out of the World Juniors if they didn’t need me to start making an impact right away! They were counting on me. And I’m not living up to it….”

“You are nineteen years old. Nineteen. The five other rookies ahead of you in points are all at least two years older than you. Let that sink in. You have so many years ahead of you. And secondly, no one here is expecting you to turn this team around. McDavid’s first year he didn’t turn the team around. And sure, yeah, the next year, the Oilers had more success but guess what? They missed the playoffs the next three years. Hockey is a team sport, one person, not even McDavid, can completely turn a team around. No one is expecting you to turn this team around in one season. This isn’t on you.”

“But the numbers…”

“Are you going to trust the analyst on the numbers or the assholes on Twitter?” He glared at you but let you continue on. “If you really want to talk numbers, we aren’t last in the league anymore. We’ve beat the top team in the division a couple times now. You’re putting up points, you’re helping us win. Cut yourself some slack. You’re nineteen and living in a new country. This team isn’t expecting you to be Ottawa’s saviour, okay?”

“There’s pressure to be better though! Everywhere I go, I just see how I should be doing more, how if I don’t produce more, I’m going to be a draft bust. I’m the young guy, I’m supposed to be the new blood and be able to make a difference. I feel like I’m letting everyone down.” His words lingered in the sunset glow, a contrast to the darkness he was feeling. You fell silent at his outburst, the air feeling too quiet, even with his heavy breathing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

You ignored his apology, knowing he would never intentionally hurt you. “I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I didn’t have enough job experience but my grades were one of the only reasons I was able to get hired so young. My first year, all I did was double check other people’s stats and predictions, and it was okay. No one expected much out of me because I was young and they didn’t really give me any responsibilities. But this year… they’re looking to me more. Teams with more than two analysts are more likely to produce teams that make the playoffs. I’m number three; I should be helping make a better team. But I’m not. I’m not getting the numbers we need or the stats we need. I know more updated methods and technologies but...it’s just not working. I’m not finding solutions to problems that this team has had for years. And the board and my colleagues see that. I know I shouldn’t worry about them firing me, but I still do. I mean, I’m not producing, why would they keep me around? This wasn’t what they wanted when they gave me the job.”

“They won’t fire you, you’re doing your best. And you’re young, you graduated early. They have to give you a chance to prove yourself in the workplace before they fire you.”

“You wanna take your own advice?” He flushed at your words, but you smiled. “Thanks, though.” He nodded and looked out over the suburbs surrounding the arena.

“The pressure in this league sucks.” He said and you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Yeah. It does. But we’ll get through it right?”

“We’ll figure something out. Together.” He placed his hand on your thigh and the two of you looked out at the sunset, his touch lingering on your body until the sun disappeared behind the horizon. Silently, he helped you to your feet, and walked you to your car, making sure you got in okay, before he got into his car. On the drive home, your chest felt lighter from the conversation.

***

The final buzzer rang, signalling a 4-2 win for the Senators. You smiled at the scoreboard and gathered your papers. The game was nothing spectacular, but for you, it was a career defining game. Some of the lines you'd suggested were risky, but you had the numbers to back it up, and it worked. It worked. The conversation with Tim earlier last week helped with your confidence to take risks in terms of your analytic advice.

You went back to your office after the game, wanting to type up a report of how you impacted tonight's outcome. If it worked this time, who's to say it couldn't work again? But in a higher stakes game? You felt like you were finally contributing to the team, and damn, it felt good.

Your office was barely even that. It was small, but you had a desk, a window, and your name on the door. It was enough for your first major gig. You'd made it a little homey-er with a small succulent and some motivational quotes. You opened up your laptop and began to type up a document report. The words flowed from your fingers and you used the numbers you counted from the box to back up your findings. Time seemed to stand still as you typed, the document becoming longer and longer.

A knock broke your train of thought and you looked up to see Tim poking his head through your office door. He had a shy smile on your face and you shook the writing haze out of your eyes.

"Hey! Come on in," He nodded, closing the door behind him before leaning against the wall. "You played a good game." His cheeks flushed and he lifted his hat, running his fingers through his hair.

"Thanks, thank you. Anyway, did you eat yet?"

"I mean, I had an iced coffee before the game and a granola bar during the second period. So yeah?" Immediately he started shaking his head and he pushed himself away from the wall. You open your hands as if to say 'what’?" and he outstretched his hand to you.

"Coffee and a granola bar isn't a meal. Let's go get some real food, I'm hungry." He made a grabby hand with his outstretched hand and you sighed.

"I have to finish my report, I can't." He sighed, pushed your laptop shut, and grabbed your hand.

"That can wait. Besides, the boys went out and I need a ride home." He flashed you a shy smile and you rolled your eyes, before picking up your bag and leaving your office with him. You tried not to notice how Tim was still holding onto your hand, but as he tugged you along to a quiet area of the concourse, it was difficult to do. He stopped at a small table with two bar stools. He let go of your hand, cold enveloping you, and you hung your bag on the back of the chair. As you hopped onto the chair, he stayed standing, tapping his fingers on the tabletop.

“What do you want to eat?" When you shook your head again, he pulled out his puppy dog eyes. "Tim, seriously, I'm fine."

"I'm getting some fries and you will eat some of them. Deal?" Your face pulled into a frown and he repeated himself. "Deal?"

"Yes, Mom, deal."

He gave himself a self assured smile. "Great. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later he came back with a container of fries and two small containers. He set them down in front of you before he got seated. A closer look at the container showed one was ketchup and the other was…

"Is this mayo?" He picked up a fry, dipped it in the white substance, and popped it into his mouth. With his mouth full, he nodded. "You eat your fries with mayonnaise?"

"You don't?"

"No!" You shook your head. He took another fry, dipped it again, and ate it.

"You have to try it, it's good!"

“No, no thank you. You can keep your weird German eating habits to yourself." You laughed, dipping a fry in ketchup before eating it.

"Nope, you've got to try one. Please?" You scrunched up your nose, and he held out a white coated french fry. You gave in, taking it from his hands and shoving it in your mouth. You chewed it slowly, contemplating the taste.

"It's...not horrible." He raised his eyebrows at you. "Fine, it's alright." He gave you another look, a small smile forming on his face despite his efforts to hide it. "Okay, okay, I like it. Happy?" He let out a loud laugh.

"Yes! I knew you'd like it!" You laughed a little with him, before dipping another fry in the mayo and popped it in your mouth. The two of you ate in silence, the sounds of the zamboni in the background.

"Why didn't you go out with the guys? You had a good game,"

He shrugged. "I wanted something quieter. Besides, I was hungry and the guys wanted to go out to a bar. Bar food isn't exactly a meal."

"Neither is french fries,"

"Well, maybe, you're just better company than the guys."

"Damn right, I am." You smiled, tapped his fry with yours in a makeshift sort of 'cheers' way. When the two of you had finished your snack, you picked up the container and threw it in the compost bin near the table. You grabbed your bag off the chair, holding up your car keys. He got up off the table, joining you in a slow walk towards the parking lot.

You wished the custodians a good night as the two of you left the arena, the street lights in the parking lot illuminating the way to your car. Silently, you unlocked the car and you both got in. You gave him your phone, telling him to pick any playlist he wanted while you started the car. He picked one of your favourite playlists, a mix of relaxing beats and soft music, which was perfect for late night drives.

"You should have some lo-fi on here, it's a lot like this. I think you'd like it," he said, after you had merged onto the highway.

"Yeah?" He only nodded, allowing a comfortable silence to come back to the car. The rest of the drive was easy, the road being mostly empty and the music filling the car. He gave you quiet directions to the house, more points and here's than actual directions but you were able to find it.

"Thank you for the ride," He said, once you’d put the car in park.

"Thanks for sharing your food with me,” He shook his head and smiled at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“I’ll always share with you.” You caught his gaze, his brown eyes filled with sincerity. You could feel your cheeks flush and you waved him out of your car.

“I gotta get home too, you know.” You joked and he got out, popping his head back into the doorway for a second.

“Text me when you get home, yeah?” You murmured an ‘of course’ and he nodded, closing the car door and making his way to his front door. You waited until he entered the house before you drove away, turning on a lo-fi playlist from Spotify.

***

“Your turn to pick the movie, but no subtitles please, I’m too lazy to read today.” You handed Tim the remote for his TV while you pulled the blanket closer to your chin. The October chill had settled in his apartment and you hadn’t dressed for his room to feel like the arena.

“Jimmy!” Someone called from the kitchen and a loud clang dissolved any annoyance Tim had from his roommate interrupting his time with you. He rushed to the kitchen and you followed behind shyly. There were platters across the kitchen island, each with a different coloured dish. It looked like there was a salad, a couple casserole dishes, and some plates of desserts. A taller brunette was standing in the kitchen, frantically gesturing between Tim and a pot on the stove. There was a lid on the ground, a splatter of pinkish red liquid surrounding it. You entered the kitchen, picked up the lid before placing it in the sink. The other guy was still explaining to Tim what exactly he wanted to do, even though his head was tilted like a confused puppy. You brushing him aside llightly, grabbing the spoon Tim was holding to stir the pinkish red liquid on the stove. You sent him a small smile back over your shoulder and all you could see in his eyes was relief.

“Thank you!” The oven beeped and you noticed an embroidered #9 on the roommate's Senator sweats. You moved to the side to allow him to get another baking dish from the oven. He placed it on the stovetop and took off his oven mitts. “Thank you for doing that. I didn’t think he’d be that helpless in the kitchen.”

“I’m surprised anyone in this house can actually cook,” You laughed. The liquid that smelled of oranges and cranberries started to boil, so you reduced the heat and continued to stir it. You look at the baking dish that he brought out of the oven. “Are those brussel sprouts?”

“Yeah! My mom’s recipe; they’re delicious! Do you like them?”

“They’re one of my favourites! My recipe uses bacon though.”

“Oh nice! You’ll have to share it with me, I’d love to try it. And, sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Josh,”

“I know.” He shot you a look and you backtracked. “I-Sorry, it’s just-I actually work with you? I’m in the analytics department, so I know your jersey number and I saw it on your sweats and put two and two together. I’m not being a creep, I’m sorry.” The sound of laughter behind you made you blush.

“Not being a creep my ass. They did the same thing when me and Jimmy ran into them for the first time!” Brady commented, walking into the kitchen. He was wearing a nice pair of dress pants and a button up shirt. You shook your head before nodding towards his attire.

“Going somewhere nice?” He looked down at his outfit and shook his head.

“It’s Thanksgiving? It’s why they gave us the day off?” That...that would explain the amount of food in the kitchen. No matter how many years you lived here, you’d always forgotten that Canadian Thanksgiving was a whole month earlier. You placed the stir spoon on a plate next to the pot and wiped your hands on your pants.

“Oh! Um, right, well, uh in that case, I should be, I should get going. You guys must have plans. Nice to meet you Josh.” You made your way out of the kitchen to the foyer where your coat and shoes were without so much as a goodbye to the guys. You could hear Tim coming after you, his steps lighter and more graceful than Brady or Josh’s. But, he didn’t make a move to do anything except stare at you as you got ready to leave. It wasn’t until you were getting ready to put on your shoes that he spoke.

“You should just stay. We’ve got lots of food.”

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude…”

“Brady’s bringing his girlfriend and a couple other of the guys are coming over. You wouldn’t be intruding.”

“I really shouldn’t…”

“You should. Why won’t you stay?”

“I don’t know if you have this holiday in Germany, but Thanksgiving is a family thing, Tim.” You sighed. “Besides, shouldn’t I have brought something? Am I even dressed okay?” You looked down at your outfit - a simple pair of jeans and one of your comfiest graphic tees. He shrugged.

“Don’t worry about that. You look great, just enjoy the night with me. Stay? Please? C’mon schatz, you’re like my family to me.” The two of you maintained eye contact until you broke it and took off your coat. You could see Tim’s smile widen and when it came to walking back into the kitchen, he extended his arm. You took it and the two of you made your way back towards what would end up being a wonderful evening full of laughs and smiles shared between friends.

***

You had come over for a trashy reality TV binge after a particularly hard day at work. None of the numbers were adding up the way you needed them to and your laptop was having a hissy-fit all day. Soon enough, you called it a day and texted Tim, telling him you’d be over in twenty minutes. He greeted you at the door with your favourite chocolate treat, a box of Timbits, and “there’s popcorn in the microwave right now, it’s almost done”. You could’ve melted right on the spot. Instead, you made your way over to the couch where you collapsed and pulled the blanket he had already set out for you up to your chin. You breathed in the smells of pine and sock tape and felt your body relax. HGTV played in the background while you waited for him to bring the popcorn out when his phone dinged.

“Tim, your phone!” You yelled to him from across the living room.

“Who is it?” You sighed and moved from your comfortable spot on the couch to check his messages. You turned on the phone to see a message from Josh, saying he’s five minutes away. You went to lock the phone, seeing the unimportance of the message but something caught your eye. You swiped to clear the notification and his background came into focus. It was the two of you standing in front of the Ottawa sign at ByWard market, his arm around your shoulders and a grin on both your faces.

“Who was it?” He entered the room as he repeated his question.

“Just Josh,” you whispered, turning around to face him holding up his phone. “Am I your lock screen?” He blushes, opening his mouth stammering for words. “I am! I knew I was important to you.” You poked him a couple times for an extra tease when his face settled into a small pout and he retaliated by tickling you. You shrieked and hopped up from the couch, laughing as he chased you around the house.

“Stop doing that!” He laughed as you escaped his clutches once more. Your laugh echoed through the house as he tried again to try to tickle you, but you grabbed Josh and used him as a human shield.

“No fair schatz,” He relented his tickling and sat on the couch. You took a seat beside him, but kept your distance in case he decided to start his torture again.

“You know, you’ve never told me what that means,” You look over to him and he’s already scratching the back of his neck.

“What what means?”

“That thing you keep calling me. Like shats?”

Josh laughed and spoke up. “It means swe-”

“Friend! It means friend!” Tim interrupted loudly, his cheeks rosy. “It means friend.” You raised your eyebrows at his outburst and his explanation.

“You call your friends, ‘friend’?”

He scratched at his jaw and slowly nodded. “In my city, it’s common for friends to just call each other ‘friend’. It’s normal,” You managed out a ‘okay’ between breathy laughs, wondering why he was being so strange about it. It was just a nickname. But the blush in his cheeks didn’t diminish until well after Josh left the room, muttering under his breath about ‘idiots’, and you couldn’t help but think that maybe it meant more than Tim was letting on.

***

“Are you going to be at the gala on Saturday?” Tim asked you as the two of you ate (lunch for you, pre-practice snack for him) on the concourse. It was your first concourse snack since the All-Star break and you had missed him. WhatsApp messages and Instagram messages just weren’t the same as being in his presence. You finished your bite, and shook your head.

“It’s only for players isn’t it?”

“Would you want to come with me?”

“Like...as a date?” You looked up at him, your eyes wide. Maybe this was the clue you were waiting for.

“As friends?” Your eyes darted down onto the counter and Tim took that as a sign you didn’t want to go with him. “There’ll be puppies there.”

“Well,” you swallowed the lump in your throat, “If there’s going to be puppies, I need no more convincing.” You forced a smile onto your face and he returned the sentiment, before finishing up the food. You wished him good luck before the game, and left to go the the box.

Soon enough, it was Saturday night and you found yourself in front of the Fairmont Château. You gazed up at the stone walls and admired how the orange glow from the lights gave it such a warm feeling, compared to the shivers that were going up and down your back. You had found time to go and get a fancy outfit for the night, its gold fabric being a perfect fit on your body. Tim had told you he’d meet you inside, so walked upt the steps alone, avoiding the other guests in fancy attire. They looked like they belonged here. You couldn't relate. The front entrance of the hotel was exactly as you expected -- it had marble floors, crown moldings, and a domed ceiling. You followed the chatter to one of the conference rooms, someone offering to check your coat. With just your clutch, you entered the ballroom with the sound of your shoes following you.

You looked around to try to find Tim among the executives, easily spotting him when you heard Brady’s booming laugh in the corner. You made your way over to the group, including Brady, Josh, Drake, Tim and some respective dates. Josh waved at you and Tim turned around to see you walking towards him.

Tim stood there, memorized by the way the Senators gold fabric hugged your figure and the way your eyes had lit up when you saw one of the puppies. You came over to him, brushing his arm before joining the group. Hellos were thrown your way and it wasn’t long before everyone went back to their conversations and you were able to speak with Tim.

“You look handsome." You handed him your clutch, which he held unashamedly, as you adjusted his gold bowtie, letting your hands linger on the front of his chest. You gulped before snapping out of your trance and took your clutch back from him.

“Um, uh, thanks. You look...good too,” His voice was breathy and his cheeks had flushed a little. You smiled at him, before noticing another golden retriever stumbling around next to its trainer and darting off to pet it. Tim watched you go and he stood back, blown away by the way his heart was beating faster and how he couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs.

“You finally figured it out, huh?” He turned around at Drake’s voice. He had recognized the look on Tim’s face, it was the same one he had when he looked at his partner. Tim furrowed his eyebrows.

“Figured what out?”

Drake scoffed and took a gulp of his drink. “God, you already know and you’re denying it. You’re in love with them.” Tim shook his head, waving off the thought. You were his best friend, nothing more. “C’mon man, you can keep lying to yourself but it’s obvious to everyone else.” He was then swept away by a reporter, leaving Tim to his thoughts.

He wasn’t in love with you. He was sure of it. You were his best friend, his safe spot. It’s not like when he sees you his heart beats faster or he notices how your eyes crinkle when you laugh or when the sun hits your skin just right, you look like an angel. It’s not like the more he looks at your lips the more he wants to know if they taste like your sweet honey lip chap. It’s not like your smile could cure his darkest days or that he could see himself introducing you to his family as his partner.

Except it was like that.

Tim saw all of that with you. He saw more galas, more late night drives, lazy Sunday mornings. He wanted to see you after his games, not in your office, but in the tunnel where you’d be wearing his jersey and a special jean jacket. He wanted to take you home to meet his family, his hometown friends. He wanted to show you all the places that were special to him, just as you showed his places special to you. He wanted to meet Dani and see if she thought he was good enough to be your partner. As he stared at you petting the small golden pup, he realized Drake was right. He was in love with you.

He was in love with his best friend.

Fuck, what was he supposed to do now?

You didn’t give him too much time to think about that as you came up behind him, telling him everything about the golden retriever you just met. He smiled at you, and motioned with his head to find your seats as dinner was going to be served soon. You sat next to him, your leg brushing against his under the table. Even from that, he got shocks-- tiny lightning bolts trailing up his body. It was like every sense was heightened after he came to the realization that he loved you. How am I supposed to even act around them? He thought.

The meal passed without issue and while Tim went about schmoozing all the executives and donors, you stick with the other halves. You had already met Emma, Brady’s partner, and she introduced you to Dakota, Briar, and Marissa (she had also told you who they came with but that information had not stuck with you).

“Sooo… Emma, how’s the wedding planning going?” Briar asked. She had gotten engaged over the holiday break. She laughed and waved off the question.

“Oh, not at all! We’re just enjoying being engaged, it’s like the honeymoon phase all over again,”

“Just like you and Tim,” Dakota nudged you and wiggled her eyebrows. You coughed on your drink at her statement.

“What?” You managed to sputter. Emma looked uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. “What do you mean, like me and Tim?”

“Oh come on, it’s so obvious the two of you are in your honeymoon phase! Don’t be ashamed of it, you’re such a cute couple!”

“Ooh yes!! How his bowtie matched your outfit is like goals, I wish my boyfriend did that with me,” Marissa mentioned. Your voice felt caught in your throat and you were instantly aware of the breeze in the room and the sweat on the back of your neck.

“We’re just friends,” Your voice was small.

“I’ll believe that when pigs fly, babe. Oh, look, here comes your man.” Dakota winked at you before turning into her own date. You turn around quickly to see him walking over to you, laughing with Brady and Josh. Normally, the sight of him would calm you down. He was such a genuine person and you appreciated how you never had to shrink yourself to fit in with him. But with the girls’ comments, you suddenly couldn’t be around him. When his hand met the small of your back, you flinched before relaxing into his touch. It was just Tim, your Tim. It’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

“Timmy, I was just telling Y/n what a cute couple you two are!”

“Well, what do they say? Oh right, they complete me,” He sent you a wink and pulled you closer to his side. You went stiff in his hold, and he noticed, instantly letting you out of his grip. You muttered out an excuse about work and said quick goodbyes to the group before you were out of the gala as fast as your shoes could allow. Your cheeks were hot with...embarrassment? No, that wasn’t quite it. But they were hot, and the room felt small with Dakota’s teasing so just needed to escape. You needed to have fresh air in your lungs, needed to feel the cool Ottawa air on your arms. Needed to be somewhere other than beside him and his light teasing that left your stomach in knots.

But you hadn't even reached the front door and grabbed your coat from the coat check when Tim caught up to you. He watched you try to put on your coat, as he rocked back and forth on his heels like that first day you met.

“Do you… do you actually have work in the morning or were you just saying that?” You looked up and met his eyes, the orbs holding a certain vulnerability you hadn’t seen before.

“I got called at the last minute. I forgot to tell you, Jody’s kid got sick so I’m covering the game on Sunday but I haven’t prepared my notes or anything and you know me, I’ve got to be prepared or I won’t make a coherent analysis and then I’m really in trouble-” Tim cut your rambling off with a murmur of your name and you slowed your frantic movements to look at him.

“We’re okay, right?”

You smiled at him before you walked out the glass door. “Yeah, we’re alright.”

***

Last night was confusing to say the least. You could still feel the heat in your cheeks from...embarrassment? No, it wasn’t that. It was more like you couldn’t stand around to see what he meant by his comment. You couldn’t stand around why everyone else say you as a couple when you knew you weren’t. But you were okay with not being a couple weren’t you?

It’s like not you liked him that way. Yeah, a simple smile from him could turn your day around and your concourse snacks were the highlight of your week. But that’s because he was your best friend. It’s not like you wanted to spend every morning waking up to him or spend your afternoons running your fingers through his hair. It’s not like you wanted to take him back to Seattle to meet Dani or how you wanted to wear his jersey to call him yours. It’s not like you daydreamed about him gently holding your hand as you walked through ByWard market or how soft his lips would be as he leaned in to kiss you or what his abs felt like without a shirt separating your fingers from his skin.

Except it was like that.

And then came the comment at the gala. Did that mean he liked you too? But he said you were just going as friends. Did he mean it platonically? What if you read things wrong? Fuck, why were feelings so complicated?

Dani, you needed to call Dani. She’d know what to make of all this. She picked up on the fourth ring. “Thanks for calling Books By The Ocean, may you please hold?”

“Dani, it’s me.” Hold music filled your ear and you rolled your eyes. A few minutes later, there was almost certainly a hole in your rug from your pacing and she finally picked up.

“Why’d you resort to calling the store? I would’ve answered my phone eventually,”

“Yeah, eventually. I just really need to talk to you now,”

“Okay, so what’s up?”

“There’s this guy…”

“Is it Tim? Please tell me it’s Tim.” When you didn’t answer, she rejoined before reeling it in and telling you to continue.

“Anyways...we’re pretty good friends, I've known him since like the start of the season, and I don’t know, like I think he likes me? And I mean, I like him, he’s really great but, like, I just-”

“Can you get to the point please?”

“I want to take the next step with him. I want to be more than friends with him. I want all those things but… I just seem frozen. Like when I think about telling him, my body feels like it won’t move. It feels like I’m underwater. But I want to do more with him. I want that. Why won’t my brain get that and let me… I don’t know, let me act on my feelings?”

“You’re protecting yourself. You’ve never got hurt before,” You scoffed at her statement.

“What do you mean, of course I have,”

“Okay, sure, when you scraped your knee or when Nancy Peters called you dumb in second grade but you haven’t got hurt before. You haven’t opened yourself up to someone and let someone into your heart and let them see you for who you are.”

“Well, yeah, okay, but that’s because they might not like what they see,”

She sighed. “You can’t go through life with your walls up, kiddo. It’s hard, but you have to trust yourself. You have to let yourself feel. You have to let people in. When we were little and moved around a lot, maybe it was a survival tactic. But you’ve been in Ottawa for close to five years now and have unpacked all your boxes? Have you had any friends over? You’ve put down roots there but you’re still holding onto a survival tactic when you need to be living, not just surviving.

“I let people in--”

“No. You don’t. Has Tim ever been in your apartment? Has he seen that even though you resent Mom, you still have family photos of the four of us in your living room? Does he know about Dad? You might have told him stuff but you’re still living behind walls.” She sighed.

“Look, I don’t mean to be hard on you, but I want to see you thrive kiddo. I want you to experience life, and yeah, hurt is a part of life. You aren’t doing life right if you come out unscathed. And sure, maybe he’s a great friend. But in some instances, that romantic partner can fill a more emotionally secure place. People usually place more trust in their partner than just a friend. You’ve got to open up to him more than you already have if you want more from him.”

“How do I do that?”

“You’ve got to figure that out on your own kiddo, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to talk to him. Honestly; no hiding behind your friendship.” You nodded to her advice, before realizing she couldn’t see you, and thanked her for her help. She hung up with the promise to chat again on Wednesday like you normally did. You threw your phone beside the sink and leaned your head against the cool counter.

Be honest with him

Okay, you could do that. Easy enough right? You just had to make a plan to tell him. You could do that.

***

You were walking through the halls close to the bench to deliver your latest stats to the coach. It was your job after the other analysts determined you “had the youngest feet” and could go scouring around to find the coach. You didn’t mind. Besides… if you just happened to bump into Tim while you were down here, well then that was a completely unplanned coincidence. Since the gala and your chat with Dani afterwards, you were feeling good about where you stood with Tim. And you’d made your plan. After the game, you’d meet up for after-game snacks like most home games and you had told yourself you’d talk to him then.

You had given the latest report to the coach on the bench, walking past the locker room towards the box when you heard Tim's voice.

“...I don’t know man, I just need a break from Y/n.” You stopped in your tracks. It wasn’t that you meant to be nosy, but at the mention of your name… you wanted to see what else he had to say. You hadn’t meant to smother him but you guess he saw it differently. Your shoulders dropped and you bit your lip.

“I only have a problem around them!” You could feel the breakfast in your stomach start to turn, the feeling of bile starting to rise up. A ringing started to fill your ears, the white static noise only being pieced by his once comforting voice.

“It’s just… We work together, you know? It’s awkward,” Where was this attitude when you were hanging out at the start of the season? Last week? If this is how he felt, why didn’t… what did he mean by his comment to Dakota?

His voice shook you out of your trance. “Like at the end of the day, I’m me… they pay me a lot to play my game and they’re...them.” At that, you rushed away from earshot. If that was how he really felt, then screw him. If he was the hockey star and you were just the analyst, then that’s what role you’d play. Nothing more, nothing less. And he wasn’t brave enough to say that to your face, you’d say it first.

This is why you didn’t open yourself up. If you were going to get hurt either way, it might as well be the least damaging option.

Over the next few games and practices, you kept your distance from the players. You avoided the bench, sending Jody to give reports to the coach. You kept your office door closed, the blinds closed, and you made sure to time your exits of the arena to avoid Tim. If avoiding him meant you avoided the inevitable conversation where he would tell you your flaws and point out every way you misread things, then you would do that.

After you heard that, you stopped going out of your way to pass by the boys in the arena. You went into your office, closed the door, and didn’t leave until you went home. When you had to sit in the stands for practices, you sat higher than you used to and ignored the waves and stared you got from the team. He sent the occasional text but you replied with an im busy too many times that he stopped trying. It was odd to you how he kept reaching out when he was the one who said he needed a break but you ignored that voice in your head.

It was a Friday when he finally confronted you. You had been so close to leaving the arena, just one more hallway, and you would’ve been out the door and into the parking lot. He had called your name and you tried to turn the corner without him but he caught up easily, grabbing your wrist to get you to stay.

“What’s up? It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever,” He let go of your wrist as you turned to face him.

“Well that’s what happens when you’re a bigshot NHL player and I’m a lowly analyst.” He squinted his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows at your statement.

“What?”

“Look, I don’t-- I don’t think we should be friends anymore,”

He slowly nodded, thinking your words over in his head. “Okay. Um...I think… yeah, that could be good. I don’t think we should be just friends either.” He shot you a shy smile with a spark of hope in his eyes but you frowned.

“Good. It’s settled then.” You turned on your heel and walked away from him, only wiping your teary eye once you had rounded the corner, refusing to let him see you cry. You missed the way he frowned as you retreated.

The weekend was spent in bed, repeat episodes of Loki playing in the background. Loki never hurt you the way Tim had, the way his words dug into your insecurities of being alone creating a wound like no other. You had turned your phone off earlier as it kept buzzing with messages from him. You didn’t want to hear his excuses of why and you didn’t want to explain that you’d overheard his conversation. But the season wasn’t over yet so you gave yourself two days to grieve. When Monday morning came, it was like nothing had ever happened.

Tim caught you in the main entrance way at the rink. It was close to 8am and you knew he didn’t have practice until 11, so it was obvious he was waiting for you. You walk right past him until he softly calls your name and you stop walking, but don’t turn around. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“You know why.” You whipped around and scoffed at him. “And you know what else? If you had a problem with me, you could’ve just said something. You didn’t have to keep hanging out with me.”

“What?”

“I think we should just keep this professional, 18. I’m nothing more than a background analyst to your hockey superstar, so let’s just stick to our jobs, yeah?”

“What are you talking about?”

“We work together, we shouldn’t be friends, you said it yourself. It’ll be better this way. Now, please, just leave me alone.” You brushed by him, bumping your shoulder with his, and you missed the way his jaw fell open at how quickly your relationship seemed to change.

He seemed to leave you alone after that. He didn’t check in and he didn’t send funny memes he found. He didn’t text you to tell you he landed safely on road trips and you didn’t congratulate him on a game well played. You could tell Brady and Josh thought it was weird but didn’t say anything, just gave you pitying looks when you passed by or caught their eye in the halls.

The Senators failed to clinch a playoff spot, thanks to an overtime loss to Winnipeg. The end of the season for you was nice. It meant a shift in your work to more prospects, and thankfully, a more flexible work schedule. You didn’t have to go into the arena and most of the players went back to their hometowns to visit. It was supposed to be a reprieve for you, knowing Tim wasn’t even in the country. It was supposed to be relaxing, going to all the places that had helped you in the past to regroup your thoughts.

But instead, it felt suffocating, strolling through the market. You’d been here thousands of times to clear your head, but this time the deeper you walked, the more the thoughts in your head swirled into a hurricane.

You’d never know what home felt like. You’d had friends tell you it’s having like extended family over around the holidays or it’s the peacefulness they felt at their lake house. You thought you had found it in Ottawa, its quaintness and history bringing you a sense of calm you hadn’t had before. But only with Tim did you feel that inner peace that home felt like. Only with Tim did you feel like you could take on the world. Only with Tim did you feel whole.

And that was scary.

Feeling like one person could complete you, like they had a piece of your heart you didn’t know you gave them, was scary. You were used to being on your own. You’d done it throughout your levels of schooling and throughout the beginnings of your career. And all it took for that strength to come crashing down was a bashfully confident German hockey player.

He couldn’t even tell you why. It would’ve hurt more to hear the exact reasons why you weren’t good enough for him, but it would have quelled your mind from picking on every single insecurity your mind could come up with.

Before you knew it, you were staring at the Ottawa sign. You glanced around to see couples waiting for their turn at the sign. Some of the guys had their arms around the shoulders’ of their girlfriends. Some of the girls had their hands clasped in their girlfriends’. Some people had their arms around the waist of their partner. But they all had a smile on their face, a fondness that was reserved for the love of their life.

Your eye caught the sight of a backwards Senators cap and your head whipped around. The person was tall and was wearing a grey hoodie. The man turned to the side and you caught a glance of the brown tufts of hair that stuck out of the cap. He threw his head back and the corners of your mouth turned up. Tim’s laugh was always infectious, even if you were upset with him.

But it wasn’t him.

He hadn’t reached out since the day in the hallway. As much as you knew you didn’t want to hear him say things more hurtful than what you overheard, you couldn’t help but wonder where you went wrong. The what-ifs tumbled around in your head, the possibilities of why suddenly your friendship was too much for him.

As you stood there in the market, the memories racing through your mind mixed with images of happy couples all around you, you knew you had to get out. You don’t really remember the rush of leaving, all you know is that the city that felt big for so many years now felt too small. You can’t go anywhere without being reminded of him, his smile, his laugh. How his eyes glimmer from the light of a movie. You drove yourself to the airport, knowing there wasn’t going to be a cab this early in the morning.

Before you knew it, you were standing outside of the familiar blue painted bookstore with your duffle bag in your hands. It was raining and overcast in Seattle, which wasn’t unusual, but even the fat teardrops felt melancholic. The sign in the window said closed, but you knew Dani would be in the back, organizing new stock. You knocked on the window, the sound rattling through the worn building. A few seconds later, her head of light pink hair came to the door, opening it. Before she could question your presence, you spoke.

“He didn’t want me,” you cried. “He didn’t even see all of me and he didn’t want me.” You dropped your bag as she pulled you into a hug. One hand cradled the back of your head as she pulled you out of the rain and into the store. You inhaled her scent, a mix of sea salt and the old bookstore, and squeezed her tightly. When she released you from the hug, she tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, her fingers grazing down your jaw. She gave you a soft smile, before walking to the back of the store, where her apartment was. Your shoes squeaked against the old hardwood floors as you followed her towards the kitchen, where you could smell a pot of tea brewing.

She was silent as she poured you a cup, kissed your head, before whispering everything was going to work out. She slipped out of the room, giving you your space.

You didn’t even have to ask. Dani let you stay with her for the summer, as long as you helped out around the store when you weren’t doing your own work. She didn’t push you for details about Tim, she just let you be. You tried your best to be cheery around the customers but that facade only lasted so long. When you were alone, you didn’t try to hide the emptiness you felt there.

***

Too soon did the days start to get shorter, the nights colder, the pitter-patter of raindrops became more constant which meant fall was coming. The season was starting up again, and you had to head back to Ottawa. This summer at home was a nice break but you knew that running away wasn’t going to solve all your problems. You were packing when a text from Josh came in.

So when are you getting in?

i land at 9pm on the 20th. Why?

Can’t I wonder when my friend gets into the city?

we’re friends?

Of course we are Numbers! I don’t share family recipes with just anyone :)

good to know thanks :)

You continued packing, thinking about what he said. You knew the two of you were friends, but he was Tim’s teammate. His roommate. To hear him say, regardless of where you and Tim stand, that you two were still good was a relief. As much as you’ve enjoyed your time away from the city, you missed work. You missed sitting in the arena, a brisk chill over your shoulder, the sounds of scraping ice and whistles. You missed the quaintness of Ottawa and, as much as he’d never let you forget it, you missed Josh’s cooking. Nights with Dani didn’t compare to nights with Brady (and sometimes Emma) and Josh.

Dani parked in the loading zone of the airport. She got out of the car to help with your bag, even though you had only brought one.

“Hey, listen, um. I know you don’t want to talk about what happened with Tim but… I think you need to talk to him.”

“Dani...”

“No, listen. I think you need some closure. You ran away from a city you haven’t left in five years, a city you so obviously love, because it hurt to think about him. Maybe closure means you talk to him. Maybe it doesn’t. But you’ve spent this whole summer looking lost, like you’re waiting for something to magically appear and make everything better. You look like you’ve lost a piece of yourself and you don’t know how to get it back. And that’s not you, kiddo. It’s never been you; you’ve always been so straightforward and sure of yourself. I want you to feel like yourself again, that’s all.”

“What if…” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “What if the piece of me that I lost isn’t something I can get back?”

“Then you fill it. It might not be perfect and maybe you need lots of tape, and maybe you accept that there will be small cracks in it, but those holes make your souls yours. It’s a part of life, and you can’t avoid it no matter how hard you try.” You pulled her in for a hug, some of the tears in your eyes dropping onto her shoulder.

“Thank you Dani. For everything.” She pulled back to wipe the tears from your face, a smile on her face.

“You know I’m always here for you, kiddo. Take care of yourself, okay?” You nodded, knowing if you spoke again, more tears would bubble over. You walked towards the departures gate, walking towards the reality you ran from.

Several hours later, you were happy to be back in Ottawa. You had missed it, as much as it pained you when you were here. Tim Hortons, bilingual signs, friendly smiles, and oh god you could have real poutine again. Yeah, it was nice to be back.

Dani’s words mulled over in your head throughout the flight, and continued to as you made your way through the airport. She was right, maybe you needed closure. Accept what happened and move on. You’d lost friends when you graduated early, you’d lost friends when you moved away. You’d lost friends before and this was no different.

Except you knew deep down it was different. It was Tim; it was always going to be different with him.

You shook your head, as if to physically rid yourself of the thought. If Tim didn’t want to be around you, then you weren’t going to waste your time waiting for him to show up. You’d suck it up everything you had to look at a stat, but other than that you’d focus on work, focus on proving yourself in the company. You started to walk towards where you’d parked your car (without wondering how much the parking was), ignoring the happy reunions of students and families. You had been perfectly fine being in Ottawa on your own until you realized how much better it could be when you had someone.

A hand grasped your wrist and instantly, you turned around and ripped your arm from the stranger. You looked up, first to see a bouquet of flowers made up of peach roses, white tulips, and hydrangeas. Behind the colours of the flowers, you see a familiar face, eyes full of sorrow and hope. Even when you were ignoring him, he was still so easy to read.

“Number 18.” You struggled to keep your voice even, but you lifted your head to appear as if he had no effect on him.

“Hi Y/n,” He met your eyes, which you quickly darted away. “These are for you.” He tried to hand the bouquet to you, but you shook your head.

“How did you know when I got in?” The coldness in your voice surprised Tim, but he didn’t show it, swallowing slowly before answering you.

“Josh told me." You folded your arms, your hands gripping your bag in case you needed to get away from this conversation.

“Josh mentioned it or you asked Josh?” When he didn’t answer, you knew it was the latter and scoffed at his sneaky actions. You quickly turned away from him and moved faster towards the exit. You heard him sigh from behind you and before you could make a sly comment about it beneath your breath, he was ahead of you, blocking your way. You tried to side-step him, but hockey reflexes prevailed. You glared his way and tried again, silently begging him to move.

“C’mon, you have to talk to me sometime, we work together,” He commented.

“That’s exactly it. We work together. You’re the high and mighty NHL superstar and I’m the nerdy analyst. We have our places. They don’t mix, so really I don’t have to work with you at all. So, please, if you could just move, I have nothing else to say to you.” You tried once more to step around him, but he lightly grabbed your forearm to stop you.

“But I have stuff to say to you.”

“You had months to say it, so I’ll say it again, please let me by.” Suddenly, he was on his knees in the airport, the flowers still outstretched in his hands.

“Y/n,”

“What are you doing?” You hiss to him, your face darting around to see people starting to stare at Tim’s grand gesture.

“I need you to talk to me, and you won’t, so I’ll beg until you agree to hear me out,” You could feel more people staring, the shutter of camera phones, the eyes of everyone in the Ottawa airport (or what felt like it) easily making up your mind. There was a reason you were an analyst, away from the spotlight, doing your work behind the scenes.

“Get up,” you started to pull on his arm, but he just stayed anchored to the ground.

“You’ll talk to me?”

“18, I will do anything as long as you stop making a scene,” At this point, your cheeks felt as if you’d stood under the beating sun for an hour. He got up from his knees, the flowers still outstretched in his hands, and you let go of his arm. You grabbed the flowers from his arms, dropping them in a garbage bin as you stalked out of the airport. Tim caught up to you and walked by your side.

You said nothing as you reached your car, unlocking the doors. You didn’t even wait for him to have his seatbelt on before you were backing out of the stall and driving away. Thoughts were running wild in your head; you were angry and embarrassed at the stunt he pulled at the airport, appalled at the audacity he had to show up after what he said, and last of all you were reluctantly happy to be back in his presence again. So you went to the one place you knew you could think.

You put the car in park overlooking the suburbs. You turned it off and rested your arms on the steering wheel. You couldn’t make the effort to get out and walk to the lookout spot, the car creating a safe bubble for your thoughts.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” His soft voice broke the tense silence in the car and you scoffed.

“We’re not friends anymore. You’re the Senators star player and I’m just the nerdy analyst. There’s no reason for me to need to talk to you.”

“See, you keep saying that but I-I don’t get it! What does that even mean?” You furrow your eyebrows as you turn to face him, his own face scrunched up and his eyes hard.

“What do you mean you don’t get it? You said that! The last game against Montréal? I was walking past the locker room and… I overheard you talking with the guys.” You looked down to your lap, findling with your hands. You briefly saw Tim’s hand start to move towards you, but you shook your head and it stayed in his lap. “You said you needed a break from me. You said that ‘at the end of the day they pay me a lot to play my game and they’re.. them’. You said you had a problem with me. What was I supposed to take from that except that you didn’t want me to be in your life?”

He stammered for words but you cut him off. “No, I don’t think you understand how much it hurt. Hurt to have the one person who I thought understood me to talk behind my back about how I wasn’t enough for them. It hurt to know that the one person who I always wanted to talk to, didn’t want to talk to me. Hurt to think that you’ve only ever seen me as just some nerdy analyst who has no place in your life. I had been fine before, without you in my life, but then you came in and knocked down every barrier I ever had. And then left as if you didn’t just break my life into pieces!

“I left Ottawa because it hurt too much to go to all my favourite places, because I went there with you. I let you into my safe spaces, and when you left, you shattered that security. You tainted all the good I had there. I thought that Ottawa was home before I met you,” you scoffed. “Not even close. You feel like home to me. And for you to say that I was a problem in your life?” You shook your head at him and looked down at your hands. “I tried to get over it, believe me I did. But every single place I went I was reminded of you… and how everything we had didn’t feel like a big deal to you.”

“I never meant for that to happen.” His voice was quiet and strained, as if he was trying to keep his emotions within him.

“You know the hardest part? I didn’t just have to get over losing my best friend. I had to get over someone I fell in love with! I lost the single most important relationship with one tiny little passing conversation. And you acted like nothing happened! Like we were still friends, like you still cared for me-”

“Ich liebe dich du trottel!” His outburst caught you off guard and you gulped. His heavy breathing was the only sound in the car as you whispered.

“You know I don’t speak German…”

“You don’t need to know German to know what I said,” His eyes were hard, a look you had only seen during games.

“Oh.” You shook your head and looked at him. “Wait what?”

“I didn’t say those things you think I did! You didn’t listen to the whole thing! Brady was teasing me about me saying I don’t have a problem talking to people I like and I don’t normally but you’re the exception! I needed a break from you because everytime I see you, my heart starts beating faster and my hands get sweaty and I don’t know how to act! And the guys said that sounds like I’m in love with you-- and I am! I am! But when I finally started to do something about it, you ran away from me! I didn’t know what to do. Besides, if I fell in love with you...it could mess with our jobs. Because if for any reason, something happens, they’d fire you before they’d ever trade me. And you’ve worked too hard to have an opportunity like this be taken away from you because of me. So... I didn’t know what to do. And then you just kept ignoring me and saying those things about how you’re just a nerdy analyst…. It felt like we weren’t on the same page anymore and I didn’t know where it came from or what to do either so I tried to give you space. But then you shut me out. And you said we shouldn’t be friends. So I thought that meant.... you wanted to be more than friends? And the boys were saying that you being mean to me was just you having a hard time having feelings for me but then you… uh, yelled at me so I left you alone. But that doesn’t mean I stopped thinking about you.” He placed one of his hands on top of your tentatively, giving you the option to shoo his hand away. When you didn’t, he rubbed the skin on top of your hand. “It never meant I stopped caring about you.”

He sighed. “I guess I see now that I should not have given you space. I should’ve been better for you because that’s what you deserve.”

“I could’ve been better too, this isn’t all your fault. I said some mean things.”

“I promise you, that when we’re together I’m not a NHL player. I’m just me… just Tim from Germany who likes hockey. You have always seen me for who I am, and that’s...that’s something I love about you.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. Love… was a big word. Love was for confident people. Love was for those who didn’t understand the weight of that four letter word. Love wasn’t a word you threw around. Love was scary. It asked you to place your bandaged heart in someone else’s hands and hope they didn’t drop it, shattering the pieces into smithereens. Love meant letting down those walls that time and time again had proved that needed to stay up. To protect you. To avoid the heartache of broken trust.

And here he was, throwing that word around as if the implications didn’t matter. As if he didn’t leave. As if he didn’t call you a problem. As if he didn’t know the months you spent trying to forget him and the fragments he left behind.

As if he still wasn’t understanding.

“I… I can’t do this.” You go to open the car door only for it to lock. You gasp, and you whip your head around, your eyes sharp. “This is my car, you can’t do that!” His eyes went wide and you tried again, only for it to be locked again. You gritted your teeth and he spoke before you could reprimand him again.

“Don’t shut me out again! You say you can’t do this, okay, but tell me why. We’re supposed to-to talk to each other! We would’ve had no mess if you had just talked to me after you heard what I said! So.. talk to me,” You met his soft eyes, your resolve breaking with just one look. “Please, schatz.”

You slowly pulled your hand off the handle, letting it fall into your lap. You picked at your fingernails while trying to compose your thoughts, Tim’s concerned eyes never leaving you. He murmured your name and you took a deep breath, steadying yourself.

“I’m sorry I just- I don’t know if I can jump back into where we were. I know that… it’s different than I thought but I can’t-” you cut yourself off before you said something you regret and a cold chill ran through you. “It still hurts. I can’t just unhear those things you said. Especially when they came from you. So, I’m going to need time to process everything.”

He placed one of his hands over your fidgeting fingers and you lifted your head to meet his soft eyes. “I’ll give you some space. Just let me know when you know, yeah?” Before you could nod your head, he had opened his door and got out of your vehicle. You quickly got out to question him.

“What are you doing?” He turns around at the sound of your voice.

“I’m… I’m giving you space?”

“How are you planning to get home? Uber?” He shrugged before nodding, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Uh, no. No. Get in.” He raised his eyebrows and you sighed. “It’s almost 11pm, we’re in a dark forestry area, and you are the least threatening person I know. I’m not going to let you get stabbed by some murder psycho; you still mean something to me, you know.”

At that he came over to the car, and the two of you got settled back into your seats. After you buckled up and started the engine, Tim broke his silence.

“Did you mean that? That I still mean something to you?”

You swallowed slowly and took a while to answer his question, your hand resting on the gear shift. You put the car in reverse, and looked over at him. “You’re always going to mean something to me. Just what exactly you are changes.” You backed out of the parking lot and started the drive to his place. He was quiet for a few minutes, pondering your answer, but when he spoke his voice had the quiet confidence he always carried around with him.

“Can I ask what I am right now?” Streetlights illuminated his face and out of the corner of your eye you see him slightly turned towards you, his face unsure.

“No. I’ll keep you updated?”

“Good enough.”

The rest of the drive back to his house was quiet, aside from the lo-fi beats you had playing in the background. Despite the tension, the drive felt comfortable. When you parked in front of his house, he cleared his throat.

“Um, thank you for the ride. I’ll see you around I guess,” He unbuckled his seat belt and placed his hand on the handle.

“Goodnight Tim.” Despite your smile, Tim really hoped your goodnight didn’t also mean goodbye. He got out of your car, walked up the steps to his door, unlocked it and gave you a small wave before he went inside.

Tim was true to his word. He gave you space. He didn’t go back to the lookout spot or the war memorial, knowing those were your sanctuaries before they were his. He didn’t ask for updates, he didn’t stop by your office, he didn’t ask Josh how you were doing.

And you appreciated it. The time and space left you alone with your thoughts and you often visited the lookout spot or the war memorial, trying to find some peace, but those spots were now shared with Tim. So, for the first time in a long time, you spent time in your apartment.

When you moved in, you hadn’t done anything to the place. Spaces were temporary in your experience. It was more hassle than it was worth to try to make the space your own if, in a year everything was a clean slate. But Dani was right. It had been close to six years now since you moved in. Six years. You had a stable job, you had friends here, it was time to accept that maybe this was more than temporary.

You started by unpacking the last few boxes that were stacked in the hallway. You replaced the command hooks hanging your picture frames with nails. You got new paint to liven up the living room from the basic beige it was before. You put the work into making your apartment really yours. You had to stop living behind walls and this was a first step.

The next step was to really open up.

***

You were waiting outside the dressing room for Tim to get out. You came down as soon as practice finished so you knew you wouldn’t miss him. You leaned against the cool concrete, trying to control your bouncing leg. He was one of the last out of the dressing room and you shyly smiled at the other players who left. When he came out, you popped off from the wall and stood in front of him.

“Do you still want to know why I picked hockey?” You could tell your question caught him off guard but he nodded nonetheless. “You had asked and I brushed it off...because it hurt to think about. Because it was my dad...He loved hockey. Everywhere we went, there was a team he could cheer for, but he always wished that his hometown team would win, no matter how bad they were. He took me to a game once. I had asked why he liked it so much, it was cold and loud and people were drunk and I’m pretty sure our team was losing. We were down in the crowd and he said to me, ‘Hockey is this great sport. It connects people. It creates families right before your eyes. Enemies can become teammates. This...this sport can be a family for you, anywhere you go. I hope one day you can find something that does the same thing for you.’ Two weeks later, he had a heart attack. So, I held onto the one thing that he found belonging in. I liked my math, it made sense, and I’m good at it. But when it came to doing something with my life, I just- I wanted something to make my dad proud of me, you know? I wanted to feel connected to him.”

Tim was silent but he pulled you into a hug, your head going into the crook of his neck. His arms went around your waist and he held you for a minute. “Your dad would be proud of you. I know he would. Why’d you tell me now though?”

“Well, friends share personal stuff, right?” You pulled away from the hug just enough to catch his eyes. You looked up at him hopefully, and he smiled.

“Yeah, they do.” He broke the hug, but kept an arm slung over your shoulder. “C’mon, friends also eat brussel sprouts for each other.” You laughed at his distaste for them and the two of you walked out the parking lot together, his arm still slung around your shoulders.

***

You looked up at the ceiling, your bedsheets twisted beside you. It had been about two weeks since you told Tim about your dad, and since then, the two of you had been exchanging texts daily. It felt familiar, even though both of you knew it was different. Not a bad different, just… different. You’d been over to his place a couple times and he came over for your place for a ‘welcome back’ dinner.

You were nervous to show him your apartment, but you knew you had grown into the space. It was no longer generic beige walls and command strips. The living room had an accent wall and you put nails in the wall to hang your family photos in the hallway. Tim took his time looking around your space, spending extra time in the hallway. He stopped in front of the picture of your family, all four of you, and smiled.

“My parents are coming into town when we play the Caps in December, if you want to meet them?” He had said when you sat down to eat. You sputtered your drink a little and set down the glass.

“Only if...you meet Dani when we go to Seattle in January?” His face broke into a grin and he nodded.

“I’d love that.” The rest of the dinner had no issues, just two friends catching up and getting familiar with each other again.

But he wanted you to meet his parents. He wanted you to meet the people who raised him, his family. And you didn’t have any hesitations. You wanted to meet the people who made Tim who he is.

This past week solidified that you knew what you wanted. You wanted to meet Tim’s family, you wanted to show him around Seattle, you wanted to be with him. If he still wanted to be with you.

If.

He had been pretty clear where he stood on his feelings, but the voice in the back of your mind taunted you with that one tiny two letter word. He might have seen how you reacted, how unstable you were, and how you weren’t ready to jump into things as a sign you didn’t want this. He could’ve taken your steps to being friends again as being just friends again. He could’ve-

You weren’t going to wait around to let what-if’s and might of’s and could’ve’s waft around in your head. You needed to talk to him, needed to see him. So in your pajama pants and a hoodie, you braved the Canadian night and drive to his house. You parked the car, rather haphazardly, but it could wait. You skipped a step walking up to his door and quickly phoned him.

You paced back and forth on the small porch as the phone rang three times before he picked up.

“Hallo?” His accent was thicker in his native language, the harsh constants sounding so soft from his lips.

“Can you come open the door?”

“What?”

“I’m outside. Can you open the door?”

“What? It’s like...early,”

A sigh escapes you. “Tim. I know. I know now.”

“Well if you looked at a clock before you left your place, you would’ve known earlier. That would’ve-”

“Tim.” You gulped and your voice trembled slightly. “I’m ready. I know what I want.” The tone of your voice dropped its lightheartedness and that alone was enough to shake the sleep from his mind. But your words? More than enough to get him out of bed and racing (as quietly as he could in the dark) towards you.

He opened the front door in his sleep joggers to see you pacing and shaking your arms. You hadn’t noticed him yet, so he took the opportunity to admire you. The way your hair fell, your Senator pajama pants that Brady gave you as a gag gift, the way you bit your lip between your teeth.

“Hey.” His voice broke you out of your trance, your head whipping around to see him standing in the doorframe.

“Hi.” Your voice was quiet, the nerves getting the best of you. You stood there for a while, just looking at each other. His hair was a mess and he was wearing the grey hoodie you knew for a fact was his favourite. “Oh, right, I have to go first. Um...Are- are you still sure about your feelings for me?” He nodded. “And-and they’re for sure, good feelings?”

“… They’re such good feelings.” You nodded and gave your body another shake through, as if to dissipate the nerves racing throughout your veins.

“I know it’s taken me a while to kinda sort everything out but… I like you too. That’s why hearing those things hurt so much. That’s why I had to take some time. I've been alone for most of my life and it was scary to let someone in so easily, unknowingly. You just waltzed in and made yourself at home in my heart and it felt like you belonged so I… I didn’t even realize you could hurt me. And when I heard those things, it hurt more. It just solidified that I should’ve stayed alone. You can’t get hurt if there’s no one to hurt you right? But every talk, every late night drive, everything we had...it was worth all the hurt. So I’m ready. I want to do this with you, even if it hurts. I don’t know if I can do life without you.” He pushed himself off of the doorframe and came to stand in front of you, his hand cupping your cheeks, soothing the skin under your eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you and I don’t plan on doing it ever again, Y/n, you have to know that.” You nodded against his hands and you could feel some of his tension fade from his body. “Does this mean… we could be more than friends?”

“I want to be much more than friends with you, Tim.” You bit your lip to try to stop your smile from growing so wide, but it broke through when you saw how wide his smile was and how his eyes crinkled with joy.

“Does this mean I can kiss you now?” He asked softly, already leaning in. He left space between the two of you so you could decide but you easily leaned into him, your lips meeting. It was gentle but it was loving. You moved in sync, Tim’s hand moving to the back of your head to push you closer to him. Eventually, you pulled away for air.

“Schatz…” He breathed and you laughed lightly.

“You know, I don't think you've told me what that really means,” You said with a cheeky smile.

“Would you like me to say it in English, sweetheart?” He brushed his nose with yours.

“Hmm, German is fine,” You tilted your head upwards, almost brushing your lips with his. With your teasing, he let out a groan, bringing you in for another kiss. This time he broke for air, his eyes still slightly closed.

“You know, you cured my homesickness. I never felt like I missed home because I found home in you,” He whispered. Your heart melted and you brought your lips together with a passion he hadn’t seen from you before. Your hands tangled in his hair and he chased your lips as if it was a breakaway. When you broke for air, the two of you were breathless.

“As much as I want to keep doing that, it’s also very early and I am tired. Can we go back to bed please?” His arms were still around your waist, but he leaned back enough that you could see his face, puppy dog eyes and all. You nodded to his request with a soft smile, and went to remove yourself from his arms and go back to your car, but he tightened his grip.

“I got you now, so I’m not letting you go.” You buried your head in the crook of his neck and slowly the two of you made your way into the warm house. He led you through the dark hallways to his bedroom, giggling and sneaking kisses where you could.

You fell asleep so easily, the quickest you have the entire time you had lived in Ottawa. And it wasn’t only Tim’s warmth, or the way his sheets smell like hockey tape and his peppermint shampoo. You had finally opened yourself up. You had found that belonging your dad always wanted you to. And you found that in Tim; whether he knew it or not, he was home.

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[thefanficmonster]

Beyond The Darkness

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Angst, Relationship Struggles, Self-doubt, Insecurities, Swearing

Genre: Angst with Fluff Ending, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Y/N finally expresses their worries, reluctance and suspicions regarding their relationship with Corpse who is more than surprised to be hearing such confession, thinking their relationship couldn’t be more perfect. Well, perfect on the surface.

Requested by @cinnamonbun332  Hi darling! I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request, but here it finally is! You asked for some heartbreaking and then heart-healing and I hope I delivered properly. Please enjoy! Love, Vy ❤

I didn’t choose to be insecure, I never wanted to be so anxious and self-conscious. No one can blame that on me for it’s something I’d get rid of within the blink of an eye if it were that easy. I didn’t choose to fall in love with Corpse either, it just happened. I was taken by storm by the feelings he awoke in me. It was terrifying and made me become a whole different person around him. I was torn between wanting him by my side at all times and never wanting to see him again for the purpose of those feelings dying down. That being said, I can’t be blamed for that either.

However, I can be blamed for one thing: accepting his offer for a date. I didn’t have to. I probably shouldn’t have accepted it just as much as he shouldn’t have brought it up. But, alas, I couldn’t help myself. That storm of emotions, that stirring lava within the volcano I was at the time was dying to seep out to the surface so it wouldn’t burn me from the inside out. Him asking me out on a date was practically the vessel for me to finally have a chance at expressing myself and how I feel and that’s something I’ve never been able to do properly or openly. 

But with Corpse it has always been so easy.

Or...it was so easy.

It was easy until I started overthinking everything. Every interaction between us, between him and his friends. Between our two separate worlds.

I now have a hard time seeing us as a union, like we’re living together on the same planet of understanding and companionship. No, we’re more alike two planets in orbits near one another that are close but not close enough. Never destined to touch. Where I once saw light, I now see nothing. Almost as if I flipped the switch to my happiness myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if I did, it wouldn’t be my first time. I have a way of always finding a way to kill my happiness, put an end to my bliss. The key to doing so is what I already mentioned: overthinking, underestimating, undermining, over-worrying. In short: allowing my mind to torture me.

Sadly, it’s also forcing me to torture others.

At the moment, I’m spending day four back into my apartment, having come back with the excuse that I needed to get some piping fixed in the kitchen and needed to watch over the plumbers as they worked. I think Corpse bought that only halfway but if he didn’t believe me, he didn’t show it and I’m grateful for it. Or at least I think I am. Obviously, there was a part of me which screamed ‘See, he doesn’t care!’ at me when all he said in response to my announcement was ‘Oh, ok’. Of course, I didn’t pay that voice much mind then, but it’s starting to creep back in now and I really don’t know what to distract myself with to avoid hearing it. It’s not like I can internally deafen myself to stop it from eating away at me slowly but intently and with a scary determination that even I myself don’t have. Sadly, the pessimistic side of me does.

Truth be told, I wasn’t planning on staying home alone for four days straight, thinking I wouldn’t be able to make it that long without Corpse, thinking my loneliness would kill me. But, now that I am indeed alone, for some reason, I don’t feel really lonely, if at all. It’s refreshing and new, like a new but old perspective. Basically one I’ve missed for quite some time now without knowing that I did. Who knew going back to my empty apartment would be the cure to my messy head. Well, not a direct cure, but I have managed to map out at least a small portion of what’s going on up there, mend some of the damage I’ve done to myself.

Why do you always do that?

There’s that voice again, and some audacity it has! I’m not doing anything to myself! That voice is!

Saying that in court would easily land you in a mental facility, you know.

Fucking touché.

I think the reason why this is happening to me at the moment is because it’s been exactly four days since I last contacted Corpse. Or since he last contacted me. See what I’m going for here? See how toxic my mindset can be? Yeah, even I can hardly believe it sometimes. Like, how can something so dark be part of me - someone who used to be so cheerful and bubbly growing up. My nickname used to be ‘sunflower’ for a reason, but I might as well be a wilted willow now.

And who do you have to blame for that?

Will you fucking shut it!!!

As I’m in the midst of yet another self-argument, I near the doorbell ring, scaring me to the point I almost fall off my desk chair. I only then become aware of the blank MS Word document staring back at me. Throwing myself into work hasn’t been able to help me today. Instead of it distracting me from my struggles, it’s the other way around and I can’t fucking stand it.

Just like I’m beginning not to be able to stand myself. How Corpse and my friends do it, I have no idea. Well, they have it easy I guess, they don’t have to hear all the shit that happens in this beehive on my shoulders.

I lazily saunter over to open the door, not even thinking about looking through the peephole prior to turning the doorknob and swinging it open. That’s a mistake, considering that the mess I am is now face to face with Corpse. Let’s be honest, I’m past the point of stressing over how I look in front of him, we’ve been dating for almost a year now after all. However, this look on me right now is beyond disturbing. One that would leave him questioning if I need help or if I’m doing alright. The answer to both of those questions is no, by the way. Yes, to both.

“Corpse?“ I croak out, fighting my way out of the cloud of confusion surrounding me.

“Y/N?“ He replies, mimicking me though his confusion isn’t as much confusion as it is concern. Gotta say - rightfully so.

I shake my head as if awakening from a fever dream, basically hitting the ground head-first, “Um...yeah, uh, come in!” I finally manage to say, forcing my feet to step aside to allow him inside.

He nods and takes a step beyond the doorstep, cautious as though I’ve rigged the place with traps. I mean, ok, I’m weird, but not that weird. I’m not a complete psycho. At least not yet. Give me a few more months by myself. Or weeks. 

“I haven’t been here in so long...“ he mumbles, sounding almost as if he’s talking to himself. Before I could say anything, he wanders off into the kitchen, “Where are the plumbers?“

“What plumbers?“ I blurt out, unable to contain the widening of my eyes when I realize what I’ve said.

You. Fucking. Idiot!!!

“The ones you came here to monitor...?“ His answer sounds more like a question as well, both of us just staring at each other as we await what idiocy will leave my brain and come out of my mouth next.

The silence lasts for a few seconds before he breaks it by speaking up again, “There are no plumbers, are there?”

“No, not today! I mean- not right now.“ I resist the urge to smack my forehead with the palm of my hand in embarrassment. “They’ll come back...later! They were here up until an hour ago.“

Real smooth, Y/N. This is why you never play Among Us

Corpse looks around, even taking a peek over my shoulder before making a mock-confused expression as he shrugs his shoulders, “Your kitchen looks pretty tidy for being a place of such complex fixes happening.“

I let out a hysterical gust of laughter, squeezing my thumb so hard I might rip it off my hand, “Yeah, you know me, I like my living space tidy.”

He nods slowly, “Yeah, I know you. I know you’re not.“

The air gets caught in my throat when he eyes meet mine when he says that. I feel redness creeping up my neck, spreading across my cheeks and climbing up to my forehead and ears.

Oh you’d so be ejected right now

“Y/N, what’s really going on here? Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? If so, please just tell me. This silent treatment and avoiding is killing me. If I didn’t come here I would’ve gone insane. You would’ve found my walls with writings on them...“ He stops talking abruptly, letting out a soundless sigh as though his soul left his body, his gaze softening with sadness, “That is, of course, if you were even planning to come back. Ever...“

“Of course I was!“ I exclaim, feeling my chest tighten at the hurt I see in his eyes, “I just...I needed time. I still do.“

“Time away from what?“ He asks, desperate to hear the answer no matter how much it could hurt him.

I honestly don’t know what to tell him. I have no idea what I’m running from. I don’t even know if I’m running, hiding, contemplating, I have no idea what I’m doing. Is he the problem? Am I? Are we the problem? Our relationship as a whole?

“I don’t need time from anything, Corpse. I just...I need some time with myself. With my own thoughts. I’m really torn, have been for quite some time now. I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know if I’m doing is the right thing. I don’t know if we are the right thing. I-...“ I buffer for a second, feeling the words start getting more and more tripped up as they climb up my throat. Eventually, they end up getting caught in an invisible net which doesn’t allow them to make it to my mouth, let alone leave it. Now at a loss for words, I let out a sigh of defeat, feeling my eyes welling up with tears, “I don’t know anything, damn it! I’m a mess. Why do you tolerate me? I’m no good to myself let alone to someone else!“

I don’t know where this outburst came from, but I’d be a liar if I said it wasn’t relieving. I feel like a popped balloon, letting out what’s been straining me from the inside for a long time now. Lord knows how Corpse took it, I can’t bring myself to look up at him, but all I know is that I finally did something I can officially deem right.

Suddenly, I feel the familiar touch of Corpse’s hands on my shoulders, pulling my chest flush against his, his arms wrapping around me, enveloping me in a tight embrace. His lips plans a kiss a the top of my head before he rests his chin there, holding me tightly.

“Why haven’t you told me any of this?“ He whispers, his voice emotional to the point of almost making me regret saying all that.

Almost...

“I didn’t want to worry you.“ I let out a half-hearted chuckle, “And I didn’t want you finding out what kind of nut-job you’re dating.“

He scoffs, “Even if you were a nut-job, Y/N - which, by the way, you’re not - I wouldn’t mind. I’m a nut-job for you. Utterly and completely crazy for you, babe. I’m always here for you, always there for you to talk to me, tell me all that’s going on in that busy head of yours. All you have to do is talk, and all I’ll do is listen.”

I sniff briefly, “Now you’re making me regret not saying it earlier.”

“Then I’m doing the right thing.“ He mutters, his tone suggesting I take the wheel of the conversation and say all I’ve been keeping within me until now.

“You see, I tend to enjoy certain things a lot. Get attached to people super quickly and easily. And then, after a certain period of time, I find myself rethinking and overthinking everything about that thing or person to the point I’m not even sure I like it - or them - anymore. At least not to the same degree as previously. I slowly start become unsure of everything around me, even my own thoughts and feelings. It’s almost like where I used to see light, there’s now darkness. Worst part is, I’m the one who put that light out for myself. I always do it to myself and then hate myself for it. It’s a vicious cycle that I can’t escape - killing my joy and blaming and despising myself for it.“ I sigh, nuzzling my face into his chest, “I just wish this curse avoided our relationship. You’re too good to me, I love you too much to lose you, Corpse.“

I feel his arms tighten their hold on me even more, pulling me even closer despite it not being possible. “Y/N, you can’t lose me. Not over that, not over anything. We all have our demons, you just gotta remember to hold onto me tighter than those demons are holding onto you. You gotta let me help you when you realize you can’t help yourself.” He gently pulls away from me, his hands now coming up to cup my cheeks as he gazes into my eyes, “You gotta learn to see beyond the darkness you surround yourself with. Beyond the darkness, that’s where I’m waiting for you. I’m always gonna be there. I’m a very patient guy, you know.”

I can’t help but laugh, suddenly feeling the bubbly giggles escaping from my chest, pressed out of me by the massive wave of relief that’s washed over my sore insides. Sore from the holding back and now even more so from letting go. But damn does it feel good.

“Looks like I don’t need a plumber but an electrician to fix this light I keep turning off.“ I say, pushing up on my toes to only barely touch my forehead to his. Luckily, he sees what I’m trying to do, so he leans down. “I need him to make it un-turn-off-able.“

Corpse smiles, humming approvingly, “I can help you with that. Starting with...“ and with that he tilts his head, his lips colliding with mine.

I gotta say: damn have I missed this feeling.

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