#but every single person I’ve heard complain about never knowing what to say for people to stop calling them bigoted :( it’s so confusing

[chaserofstarsandtheabyss]

Oh? You’re worried about being accused of being a bigot? Did you complete the anti-discrimination training that was 30 minutes long? No? You thought it was stupid and too much work? Interesting, interesting…

[avocado-writing]

we need a rewrite of the tiefling party where tav can actually convince wyll to join the party and have fun please 🥹

notes: love love love writing for Wyll. he's such a sweetie! Implied bard reader but not explicit.

rating: T, but there will be a spicy part 2 coming up!

The party is lively and your head is swimming from the buzz of attention. That, and the small amount of wine you’ve had: not so much as to dull your senses but enough to make you merry. Warmed with Arkhen’s Hoard you take a break from the grateful tieflings and head out towards the familiar babble of the river. The further from camp you go the quieter your surroundings get, and you’re able to breathe a little more easily knowing there aren’t half a dozen children hanging on your every word. It’s lovely to be the centre of attention because you helped them, but a little overwhelming with all those eyes on you.

Of course, that’s not the only reason that you’ve come wandering over this way.

Wyll sits with his legs crossed on the bank, staring at the way the water dances under the moonlight. He seems at peace, the calmest he’s been since Mizora appeared and sprouted those horns for him; shoulders relaxed, tensionless. 

“Wondered where you were,” you say, quietly. You don’t want to make him jump after all. It hurts your heart to see the way that his body stiffens when he hears your voice. Ah: there’s the tension again. Nevertheless, he turns to look at you over his shoulder, an easy smile on his lips - but one with a hint of sadness. You’ve studied his face enough in camp in order to know when he’s trying to hide something. It makes your heart ache bitterly that he would try and hide it from you, though. 

“Thought I’d be able to sneak away. Should have known you’d be able to find me.”

You take a seat next to him in the grass. It’s a soft spot he’s managed to pick, not wet from its proximity to the river, but green and lush from its plentiful feeding. You lock eyes with him and press a hand to your chest, mock-wounded.

“Wyll! You make me sound like I’m a bloodhound tracking you down, not someone who cares about you checking in.”

He laughs, and you see him begin to lighten again. When he smiles this time, it’s sincere.

“That’s not what I meant. Apologies. Just that I’m not surprised you know me well enough to guess where I’d end up.”

“Down by the river,” you hum, fingers suddenly itching for the feel of a lute’s strings. 

“You’re always singing that, you know?”

“I am, it’s a good song. I’ve never once heard you complain about it.”

“I’m not complaining! I never would, I love to hear you sing. Since I joined you on this journey, my life has been filled with so much music. It’s been wonderful.”

You put your hands behind you and lean back on them, allowing your face to become level with his. He looks into your eyes and, this close, you can see his breath hitch a little when your fingers brush together.

“I could be persuaded to do an impromptu performance, but I’d need my favourite person in the front row to give me courage.”

“I’m sure that you don’t need me for that. Courage is the one thing you couldn’t possibly lack.”

“To be my muse, then.”

You know if you lifted your hand and felt his cheek, it’d be warm.

“Please, Wyll,” you continue, softly. “Please come and join us. Everybody wants you there. Me especially, if I’m being selfish.”

“Ah…” you can see he’s warring with himself. On one side of the argument, he longs to indulge you. On the other side…

“I’m not sure. I think people may find me off-putting.”

You furrow your brow.

“You? The single most charming man I’ve ever met?”

Another flash of shyness over his face. You can tell that he enjoys the compliment, but his self-doubt wins out.

“Perhaps I was, before the horns.”

“Oh, Wyll. Do you think anybody up there cares about those? A group of your friends and people you fought tooth and nail to protect? I know for a fact that Karlach wants to challenge you to a drinking game.”

“That seems like more of a reason to hide! I think she’d drink me under one of the tables,” Wyll grimaces, and smiles when you laugh at his silliness. He seems a little more open to the idea, but still not completely sold.

“I don’t know… just… the children…”

“The children who love you and hang on your every word? Umi won’t stop asking me where you are, and someone needs to keep Mol in line…”

“I doubt even the gods themselves can do that.”

When he chuckles you find yourself reaching out to cup his cheek, running your thumb over the sharp ridge that was raised there when Mizora cursed him. His eyes widen and glaze over before sliding closed, nuzzling into the gesture, soul laid bare to the sweetness of your touch. 

 “Nobody feels unsettled by you. Nobody is afraid of you.”

His lips fall apart, anticipating the way you reach in to kiss him.

It’s a soft kiss. Lips dancing slowly, a waltz, noses bumping together a little, his horns grazing your hairline. Your heart soars at it.

When it’s over you sit there and breathe together. Sharing the same air, letting your blood thrum through you in an intertwined heartbeat.

“Will you come and join us? Will you come and dance with me?” you ask.

Wyll loses the argument with himself.

“Yes.”

taglist: @ghosti02art @sadandanxiouswtf @yeethaw13 @trappedinlimbo15 @infinitely-kate @dhampling @wereallbrokenangels @tilldeathdonugget

[swiftllama]

January Compliments ☀️🔍

[Compliments Masterlist]

Hello everyone and welcome to the first Compliments Post of 2024! Hope the year has started off well for you all, and if not, then I hope this post can at least provide a little bit of joy to your day 🫶

We may be only one month in but the boys have been delivering since the very first day 🙌 So let’s get into it shall we! :-

January 2024

Ian’s 2023 Wrap Up

So to start us off, first day of the year and Mr Sunshine was already tugging at our heartstrings with his wrap up of 2023, and who made his 2023 what it was? Well Anthony of course 🥹

STOP IT! RIGHT NOW! 😩

LIKE WHAT IS THIS??? IM MEANT TO COPE WITH THIS??? HOW???

The fact the WHOLE post is Anthony - from the photos to the caption! EVERY SINGLE PHOTO HAS ANTHONY 😭 Also don’t even get me started on the two unseen photos and the fact they’ve been kept from us till now. How dare 😤 AND the fact the first person he thanked was Anthony! Like yes he’s thanking and appreciating many people with this post but come on now, from the pictures alone it’s clear who made his year. This is just SO SPECIAL! Especially coming from Ian, who isn’t normally a big one for sharing his emotions (I think we’ve seen a change with that recently though), but this is BIG!

Anthony also in return left a sweet comment :-

“proud of you buddy.”

CRYING 😭 They kill me these two, couldn’t even go one day without being sappy to each other - not that I’m complaining. And as much as I would love to just sit here in this gooeyness, we’ve got a lot to get through so I must move on 🥲

LEGEND OF ZELDA RAP (Flashback)

So they reacted to the classic Legend Of Zelda Rap in this Flashback eps and got a few little compliments thrown in :-

-

[discussing the scene of Ian dressed as Link winking at the camera that spawned a viral gif]

Anthony: “That for some reason was a clip that went viral- or a gif that went viral.”

Ian: “Yeah, it’s like horny posters.”

Anthony: “Yeah.”

Ian: “Yeah.”

Anthony: “I see it way too much.”

[shoutout editor Kortney for this 😆]

Ian: “Gotta say, never looked better.”

Anthony: “That’s true.”

Anthony agrees 😏

-

Erin: [asking Ian if he had spicy time in the Link outfit like Anthony said about the Assassin’s Creed outfit in their 2 Truths 1 Lie eps]

Ian: “I did not have spicy time in the Link outfit because that outfit was very tight, there was not much of a range of motion in it.”

Anthony: “Right. Well you could be a pillow princess in that.”

Ian: “I’m not a pillow princess.”

Anthony: “Oh really?”

Ian: “Yeah.”

Anthony: “I’ve heard otherwise.”

[look at each other and Anthony laughs]

Ian: “Oh yeah, cause canonically we had sex for seven years.”

Anthony: [laughs] “In the Food Battle lore.”

Ian: “Yeah. Canonically in Food Battle, we’ve had sex for seven years. You know every crevice of my body.”

Anthony: “Of your anatomy.”

Ian: “Yeah.”

Anthony: “Anywho…”

Ian: “Wow, this went a weird place.”

Anthony: “Back to looking at Link in his prime.”

Ian: “Back to me looking freakin’ HAWT.”

Anthony: “Yeah.”

Just them casually discussing the fact they’ve canonically had sex for 7 years and then Anthony once again agreeing Ian looked hot in the Link outfit… I don’t think I even need to say anything.

-

Anthony: “Oh! And I just want to give a shoutout to myself.”

Ian: “Oh, [sings] shoutout to myself.”

Anthony: “I painstakingly added those fucking stars [in the scene] for some reason. I thought they were so necessary.”

Ian: “Yeah, no, that was sick.”

Ian giving Anthony a little compliment for his hard work 😊

…

Speaking of the stars it was also something Ian brought up again later when they appeared in the video again :-

Ian: “Stars. Stars.”

Anthony: “Oh yeah. Stars. We got ‘em in there.”

Very cute how he wanted to shoutout Anthony’s work again ☺️

-

Erin: “That’s Anthony?! [as Ganondorf]”

Ian: “Yeah.”

Anthony: “Shut up. You knew that was me.”

Erin: “That’s crazy.”

Ian: “You didn’t know that was Anthony?”

Erin: “Where’d your, like, jaw go?”

Ian: “What do you mean? He’s got an epic jaw.”

Ian got so defensive on Anthony’s behalf here, I love it! Reminded me of the moments from Who Meme’d It when Anthony was defending Ian 😌

And that was us for this video!

Moving on…

SOUP!

Gets a big title cause why not!

But yes, soup! So Ian has gotten into making soup this year and on that same Friday we got the Flashback, that evening we were blessed out of nowhere with these stories :-

THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THESE 😩

Like this is the cutest, most domesticated shit ever! They kill me!!!!

And okay yes when that first photo was posted I thought Ian was right then and there cooking it for him, Ian then responded with this :-

Let me live in my fantasies Ian! 😤

But regardless of Mr dashing-my-dreams Hecox, I’m still of the mindset they were hanging out that day and that’s when Ian gave him the container of soup.

Evidence :-

This photo only. That I believe Anthony took 😌

Also I try not to make these posts too shipper-heavy so that everyone may enjoy them if they’re just here for the friendship alone, so I’ll just leave this other little post I made here about some other thoughts I had on this soup situation that isn’t in the friendship realm 🤭 All cool if that’s not for you though!

VidConfessions

So 7 months later Vidcon finally decided to post this little interview they had with them lol. And even with such a short video we still got a few complimentary/cute moments :-

-

So Anthony was being his usual self and finding Ian the funniest person alive as always. There was a couple moments where Ian gave his answers and you just hear Anthony’s laugh in the background 🥰

Q: What are the last three things you Googled?

Ian: “Jared Leto cult…”

He’s a cutie ☺️

…

And it happened again!

Q: What’s the cringest thing you’ve ever done for views?

Ian: “I mean like our whole channel’s cringe.”

Anthony, once again: [laughing in the background]

Love him and how much he loves Ian and his humour 😊

-

This was just one wee last bit I thought was cute :-

Ian: [signing out the video] “This has been Ian from Smosh, that’s right, the channel that is 17 and a half years old that’s doing sketch comedy again with my best friend Anthony.”

Can never resist them calling each other ‘best friend’ so of course had to include it!

Making of Pokémon In Real Life 2024

So they brought back the classic Pokémon In Real Life sketch, and from that obviously we got the BTS. Only a couple little moments from this one but just wanted to include them cause they were silly 🤓

-

Ian: [sneezes] “Sorry. Your hairspray.”

Anthony: “Ohhh… he’s allergic to me [smirks].”

👀 Don’t know what that was about but alrighty, Anthony…

-

Ian: [cuts his finger and there’s a dot of blood]

Anthony: “Oh my god, dude. Are you okay?”

Ian: “No, I’m not okay. Trigger warning gore.”

Anthony: “Do you need someone to suck out the blood?”

Why did this just turn into Saltburn? Don’t know what Anthony was on with the these two moments but I won’t question it 😝 And despite saying ‘someone’, he was definitely offering to suck the blood from Ian’s finger himself 🤭

Pokémon In Real Life 2024 Watch Party

Of course with the sketch and BTS we got a livestream, which gave us some cute and complimentary moments 😊

To kick off this livestream I just wanna point out that they were wearing matching colours with Anthony’s jacket and Ian’s hoodie, plus matching Smosh Pokémon hats which is very cute 😊

-

Ian: [apologising for getting annoyed in the BTS due to the background noise messing up their filming] “Dude, this video. This Pokémon video. I apologise if I looked very angry in the behind the scenes.”

Anthony: [laughs] “You didn’t look that bad. Honestly, it amped up accurately.”

Erin: “The compilation of you getting angry, it was pretty funny.”

Anthony: Yeah, so it was justified. People knew why you were angry.”

Love the reassurance from Anthony here so that Ian isn’t worried about how he came across in the video.

-

[take their hats off]

Ian: “How’s my hair? Is it weird?”

Anthony: “Is mine weird? Yours is fine.”

Ian: “No, I feel like yours is like, yours has like a messy chic to it, you know.”

Them just complimenting each other’s hair - here for it! Also Ian’s added compliment of “messy chic” 😄

-

[playing Pokémon quiz]

I&A: “Jinx.”

Crew: [laughs]

Anthony: [smiles and points to Ian] “Jinx.”

Ian: “That’s our favourite. Favourite Pokémon.”

Funny because it’s both the Pokémon’s name and they said it at the same time 😝 Cute how Ian also got in that that’s their favourite ☺️

-

[complete the quiz]

Anthony: “Dude, 100 percent, bro.”

I&A: [high-five]

Of course always gotta include the highfives 😌

-

After the quiz they go on to play a Pikachu x Sonic crossover. Anthony plays a round and then Ian goes to play but can’t get the controls to work for him so Anthony’s showing him what to do 🥹 I don’t feel the need to include what they said here as it’s just Anthony saying what buttons to push but just wanted to include a little description of what was happening at this moment 😊

-

Ian: [completes the game]

Anthony: “You won the game.” [clapping]

Just another little cute moment I wanted to include of Anthony clapping for Ian 🙂

-

[playing Pokémon Among Us]

Anthony: [playing the game well]

Ian: “Alright, I hate that you’re like kind of eating.” [as Ian kept dying]

A begrudging little compliment from Ian there 😄

-

[signing the livestream off]

Ian: “Happy New Year, hope the holidays were a fun time for you and you had some eggnog and sat by the campfire…”

Anthony: “Roasting chestnuts.”

Ian: “Roasting chestnuts.”

Anthony: “Or chestnut. I’m not making any assumptions.”

Ian: “….What?”

Anthony: “Just if they don’t have more than one chestnut.”

Ian: “Ohh, okay. I don’t know if you could buy a singular chestnut but…”

Anthony: “I think there’s a way.”

Ian: “Go off king.”

Just a silly little one to end on because I wanted to include Ian calling Anthony ‘king’ 🤭

Can I Guess Who Slapped Me?

So the video of Anthony getting slapped finally dropped! And it was everything and more, especially when it came to moments between Ian and Anthony so let’s jump right in :-

-

Right off the bat we had this as the description for Ian…

👀👀👀

Now onto the actual slapping…

-

The moment that got us all was just before Ian slaps him he slowly started caressing Anthony’s face so obviously that had us all going crazy! Including the cast and crew!

Anthony: [after the slap] “Oh. Wow. Uhhh, this person thinks they’re hilarious.” [laughs]

Cast & Crew: [laughing]

Ian: [Trying not to laugh]

Anthony: “Uhhh, who would do that? Who would caress my face and slap me out of nowhere?”

Ian: [boops Anthony’s nose]

Anthony: “Uh, it feels like an Ian move to me… Did you just boop me? Um, that feels like an Ian move.”

Kiana: “That is correct.”

Everyone: [celebrating and applauding]

Anthony: [puts his hands out and Ian high-fives him]

Angela: “Friendship always wins!”

Ian: “Well done. Well done. Good job to you.”

Anthony: [bowing]

Ian: “There we go. There we go. That’s the only one you truly needed to get right.”

Anthony: [laughs]

So true Ian! That was the most important one he needed to get right! And I just want to point out how Ian was only the 3rd person Anthony got right, and of course he knew it was him right away with his cheeky little joke of “this person thinks they’re hilarious” 😝 he knew the second Ian caressed his face that it was him cause they truly just know each other that well ☺️ Live for Angela yelling “Friendship always wins!” after he got it right too! And can we also talk about the totally unnecessary, but very, very cute little nose boop Ian threw in there just cause he wanted to! Obsessed!

-

A little bit later in the video during Duran’s round of slapping Anthony another little moment happened that I just wanted to include cause I thought that it was funny and showed how silly of a mood Ian was in, I think Anthony being blindfolded was playing a part in that and he gained a little extra layer of confidence to just fuck about with Anthony 😆

Anthony: [standing with his butt pushed out waiting to be slapped]

Kiana: “The stance is great. The stance is great.”

Ian: [runs over and pretends to go in to slap Anthony’s butt]

Anthony: “Why’s there wind?”

Cast & Crew: [laugh]

Hehe 🤭

Anyways! That was it for the slapping video but I did also want to include something that came off the back of it and that was…

Bonus

Anthony dedicating a whole Instagram post to Ian slapping him :-

Obessed with this though! The fact he went out of his way to make a post specifically about Ian slapping him over anyone else, plus that caption! ‘only ian would slap me like that’ - truly the cherry on top of it all 😌

Jacksfilms Confesses His Biggest Regret

So they had Jacksfilms on as a guest for Flashback to react to some of his old videos and an old collab of his the boys had been a part of.

-

Jack: [talking about how he moved to LA after he graduated] “…And that’s when I started collaborating with some, then, very big YouTube channels.”

Anthony: [looks at Ian] “Yeah, back then we were big.” [elbows Ian and Ian elbows him back]

Them just being silly 😄 loved the little elbowing of each other too 😊

-

Jack: “I remember I was in college, I was like out hanging with my friends. I just got 50,000 subs on YouTube, baby. And one of my friends just like took the air right out of my tire, or sails, whatever, and was like ‘Uh, yeah, did you know that Smosh has like a million now?’.”

Ian: “Pffft.”

Anthony: [silent laughs] “Noice!” [high-fives Ian] “Noice!”

Again, just more of them being silly. Plus high-five!

-

I should have mentioned at the start of this section that Ian is in a tshirt-dress for this video as a reference to Jack as it’s got tweets of his printed on it. Anyway, as a result his legs are out obviously, and that’s relevant to this next part :-

Anthony: [talking about how there’s always an audience for every kind of content, it’s just about what kind of audience you want to have]

Ian: “That’s true. And you want this audience.” [pointing to show off his legs]

Anthony: “You want this.”

Ian: “You want the audience that accepts this.”

Anthony: “This is what you want. This is the audience that we have. And we are very happy with this audience.”

Ian: “Exactly.”

Anthony: “They’ve been begging for this.”

And we’re more than happy to be the audience for it! 😌 (As is Anthony considering how many times he was checking out Ian’s legs during this video 😉)

Anthony also had this to say about YouTube’s hate for Ian’s attire 😤

-

Jack: [talking about a sponsorship he done with other youtubers to test out a new workout program]

Ian: “Did you get Jaaaacked?”

Anthony: [looks at Ian with a smirk and high-fives him]

Second high-five for this video! Also Anthony just quietly complimenting Ian’s pun 😄

-

Ian: “Do you [Jack] have any regrets? Any videos that you regret making?” [smiling]

Anthony: “You look so happy saying that.” [smiling] “This is happiest I’ve seen you all episode.” [laughs]

Just thought it was cute how Anthony seeing Ian smiling made him smile and laugh 😊

And that was it for another Flashback!

No1 Ian Fan Strikes Again

So Anthony was back at it! The Smosh team was out celebrating one of the crews birthday - Erin posted this to her story. Now I’m sure there were probably multiple photos and videos taken this night but what was the only thing Anthony shared from it? That’s right! Ian of course!

He’s obsessed with that boy and I love it! 😌

Ian also reshared and replied to Anthony’s story which you can find here

Making Of “MrBeast Copycats Have Gone Too Far”

So the BTS of the MrBeast Copycats Have Gone Too Far sketch offered us a few little moments :-

-

So this seemed to be a very high-five, hand-hold heavy BTS. Think they were just in one of those moods where they want any excuse to touch each other 🤭😉

[Finishing off their little video introduction]

Anthony: [goes in to high-five Ian and grips his hand]

Ian: [high-fives Anthony back and also grips his hand in response]

I&A: [still holding each other’s hands] “Let’s go shoot this shit!”

-

Ian: [messing up his line] “I’m having a trouble! I’m having a trouble…” [facepalms]

Shayne: “That’s so funny. ‘I’m having a trouble’.”

Anthony and Courtney: [laughing]

Anthony: [to Ian] “Are you having a trouble?” [puts hand on Ian’s shoulder]

Ian: “I’m having a trouble. Words.”

Anthony: [laughs]

I know they were (lovingly) poking fun at Ian here, but the wee glimpse of the shoulder touch from Anthony to Ian is what got me ☺️

-

I&A: [In character but joking around]

Ian: “There’s a twist. There’s a twist.” [puts hand out to Anthony] “There’s a twist.”

Anthony: “There’s a twist.” [takes Ian’s hand and grips it]

I&A: [still holding hands whilst lightly pushing/tapping each other and repeating “there’s a twist”. They then start scissoring their fingers together, before gripping each other’s fingers and pulling the other in closer to them whilst now repeating “getting twisted” and manically laughing]

Well… that was… something… 👀

Told you they were just looking for any excuse to touch each other. But hey, wouldn’t be a Smosh BTS if Ian and Anthony weren’t flirting with each other 😜

-

And to finish off this high-five heavy BTS, I’ll leave you with this :-

Ian: [talking about how Anthony injured himself by dropping a laptop on his foot and how he should take an Advil but Anthony doesn’t take Advil so he doesn’t know if it’ll help]

Anthony: “I don’t care about the pain, I just want the throbbing to stop.”

Ian: “He doesn’t like throbbing.”

Anthony: “I don’t like throbbing. I like pulsating.”

Ian: [laughs] “I hate both of those words.”

Anthony: [laughs] “Yeah, usually I say throbbing or pulsating member…”

Ian: [acting disgusted]

Anthony: “Speaking of members thank you so much being a Smoshtastic or Smosh Royalty member!”

Ian: “Yeah! Thanks for being our throbbing members.” [laughs]

Anthony: “Our pulsating members.”

Ian: “Yeahhh, throbbing members.”

I&A: [high-five]

Um… thanks boys, I guess… happy to be a throbbing and pulsating member… 🥴🤦‍♀️ They high-fived so I had to include it, don’t blame me for what they said! 😩

-

And on that’s note that brings us to the end of January! Hope you all enjoyed reading - I’d say it was a very good start to the year in terms of content, and the boys very much delivered in terms of complimentary moments so can’t complain 😌

Thank you all again for reading and I shall see you next time! 💖

[ne0politon]

It Hurts

I have never experienced a hate crime (and probably won’t). I am white and straight passing. The only way people would know any different is if I tell them. I  will never experience the full extent of the damage a single story can cause, but I think I have a small idea of some of it.

I am asexual and aromantic (I only recently figured out the latter and am still in denial at times). The world has created this single story of what love is and looks like and it sucks (for me at least). You find someone, date them, get married, spend the rest of your life with them, they should be your best friend since everyone talks about how their partner is their bestfriend. This creates a narrative that your partner/ romantic relationships  should be valued more than your friends/platonic relationships.

It hurts.

I am terrified that my friends will move on and I will no longer be a priority in their lives and that I will be alone—all because I don’t experience love the same way (despite what some people believe aroace people still love and are not robots. Although, being a robot would be nice at times. Everything would be so much easier.).

Now, I know it probably sounds like I’m complaining for no good reason. Tons of people have it significantly worse. 

They do.

I am extremely lucky. 

However, I am going to continue to complain, because despite the fact that people have it worse.

It still sucks. 

My parents are fine with it, but they don’t really understand. 

No one does.

That's why I don’t talk about it. I don’t want to have to explain it to someone every single time I’m asked if I have a crush on anyone. Instead I just say “no I don’t”. Then sit there awkwardly as the person asking me tells me that “it's ok you’ll find someone” (with a patronizing smile) or worse they don’t believe me and just think that I do and am too embarrassed to tell them(and they tell me so, also with a patronizing smile). 

It hurts. 

I feel like it shouldn’t hurt. They are just trying to be nice/make conversation—they don’t know any better or different. 

And yet, it does.

It is a constant reminder that I am weird, worthless different.

Now, going back to why I don’t talk about it. Another reason to put it plainly is I am scared.

I have never been a victim of a hate crime and I never want to be (no one does). I’ve heard horror stories from others online who have experienced a-phobia first hand (I’m not going to go into detail but a decent amount of it boils down to rape in order to “fix” what is “broken”).

 It’s terrifying—so I keep quiet.

Part of me wants a “romantic” relationship, but I am too scared to put myself out there like that. Also do I really want that or is it just that I feel like I have to who knows (I certainly don’t at this point in my life). 

So I am left to just…

Hope I figure it out.

Hope that people will begin to understand.

Hope that I find someone who feels the same way.

But until then,

It hurts.

[xxnomadsxx]

Nomads AU! that before timeline I’ve been procrastinating but now I have to finish…Sorry

Once all the bros (plus Poppy) get on Rhonda Branch immediately regrets coming along. His brothers immediately try to get to know him, which starts out wrong as they ask him a bunch of very personal questions but over the trip he starts to actually get along with his brothers (he could do without the babying) but he starts to relight that hope of getting his brothers back as he and them are getting along!(finally)..until he finds out how Floyd is trapped

He didn’t actually hear the plan on how to save Floyd, all he heard was “Floyd in danger” but now he has to sing?!?! He quickly denies singing and says he will get Floyd out of there and they can sing and save him. The bros are shocked why is Bitty B acting like this he loves to sing. Poppy makes the situation worse because she keeps questioning him on it and why he is grey (and lowkey kinda insulting him) She then says stuff like “your a pop troll you have to sing it’s who you are!!” or “why are you being so grey about this come on can’t you just try and be happy.” The bros don’t interfere in the two fighting as they are talking amongst themselves on what they would do since Branch isn’t going to sing…Eventually they decide “Hey if we practice as a family I bet bitty b will realize how good it is to sing as a family again” then John breaks out the Brozone stuff they get there band gear together…John immediately tries to have Branch wear a diaper and Branch threatens to hit him (yea not the best move Johnny) so the band tries to practice but Branch just sorta sits to the side. Then John stops the song and gets on everyone’s case then complains that branch needs to start singing which Branch denies (this looks bad but to be fair he hasn’t sung in years because of his grandma and him thinking his singing is the reason the band broke up he doesn’t want anyone to leave because of it) Then Clay would speak up call John bossy blah blah blah say branch is scarier and taller now blah blah licensed cpa blah blah then the argument ends with the brothers saying “after we rescue Floyd we go our separate ways” this absolutely smothered whatever hope he had at the brothers coming back in his life. I mean they had the audacity to beg him to perform with them then once he thinks they can be a family again they want to…. TO ABANDON HIM AGAIN!!???!!!?!!! He absolutely loses it on them (rightfully so) they left him and didn’t come back, they left him to die ,they left grandma to die by the very thing he hates, they left him to be outcasted to be forced to fight to SURVIVE every single day, to be scared of EVERYTHING to lead a village to make acts he’s ashamed of… them leaving CAUSED EVERYTHING..when he tells them what he went through that he’s “sorry” he wants his family back the only family he had left and that he honestly whishes they just never showed up on his doorstep, that they should just pretend he is dead like they’ve done for 20 years so he can leave there lives completely…

Branch leaves the bus to get promptly chased down by Poppy (who currently got slapped in the face of reality and how bad Branch’s life is, and currently is having her world shattered that he LIVED IN THE VILLAGE!! And no ever talked about him how he and his suffering was forgotten and ignored by EVERYONE!!) she chases him down asking him if he is ok and Ned’s to talk about it (she’s learning!!!!) Branch immediately tells her to leave just like everyone else has in the past.. and Poppy was surprised by his answer. She said she wouldn’t leave him that she needs to make this right for what her people did and that he needs help to get Floyd. Branch (reluctantly) agrees with her and they go to save Floyd

After they did a bunch of cool breakin stuff they would get to the dressing room lo and behold Floyd!! immediately Branch goes down to greet his brother …….who didn’t recognize him (to be fair Branch looks completely deranged and wildly different) at this point I wouldn’t blame the guy if he just started crying, I mean I would. Poppy trying to fix the situation would tell Floyd it was Branch (who currently look distraught and reeeelllyyy sad) Floyd was shocked to say the least and quickly tried to push down his many MANY burning questions as he tried to hug his brother through the wall separating them, Branch does hug back! but then Velvet and Veneer come in and quickly break up the moment as Branch quickly tackles Poppy off the table swinging them to the vent before they where spotted.

At this point Velvet and Veneer had the brothers and were going to kill them at this rate with how much they were being used! Until- Branch came out of nowhere attacking Velvet (Branch can fight, we know he can fight why didn’t he fight during the actual fight in the movie it was basically a game of keep away!?!?) he would get the diamonds out of Velvet as Poppy and Viva get veneer (I forgot to mention viva showed up) Gristle and Bridget weren’t at the show since the whole Bergen thing hasn’t come up yet sooooo… Anyway Branch knows the only way to save his now dying brother from his diamond cage is to sing so he does for the first time in 20 years he sings so do the rest of the brothers (Branch actually feels happy for the first time in a while) He gets more vibrantly colorful as he sings feeling loved by his family(still grey just lighter) anyway harmony was harmoning and they saved Floyd..,,till he dropped to the ground and looking very translucent. The brothers go to Floyd. Branch confesses that he built the bunker just without the waterslide and Floyd woke up saying “but..how will we shower!” And day saved Booyah!!!

The timeline goes the same as whatever happens after the movie with the nomads au besides a few changes Poppy doesn’t leave Branch alone about singing (he goes immediately back on his vow of not singing) the brothers are very overprotective of Floyd (because he u know.. died!) and now Branch as well (he replaced them twice and has suffered for years because of them they feel pretty bad and try and make up for it anyway they can) Branch went back to the village and has less of a hard time leaving. Overall the rest stays the same.

[coolingrosa]

Hi omg hi I don't know if this is too long sorry I'm gonna rant but: Ur RoseVerse is literally so inspiring u urself are literally so insanely inspiring. I'm sugarcoating it when I say what you're doing in RoseVerse is revolutionary for this community, I love every single bit of it so much, and you've inspired me to expand and change things for the better with my own upcoming utmv series for an original multiverse. Haha ok now on to an actual question: Was Killer aware of the Multiverse before Nightmare brought him in? It kind of seems like it since at one point he complains about how Nightmare tells him about the date/time, like it's obvious how you don't use a mortal system for it, or how when they first met Killer was all like "I know you're a killer, you're a bad person" etc etc.

Hello!! This is one of the sweetest messages I’ve ever gotten, and please don’t ever apologize for the length! I LIVE for asks ns every time I get one, no matter the size, I get giddy. Messages like this motivate me to push through the monster that is chapter four! (I’m trying my best to get it out fast, but that thing is 20k words rn and only at the climax, so it’s gonna take a little bit longer! But I swear to you all you’re gonna love it! I’ve been putting my college writing classes to work, and I’m already preparing the accompanying animatics to go along with it!)

I’m so glad my work can inspire you to create and make wonderful things, as I believe that the Undertale multiverse is something so fun to mold into whatever you want. My friend Null, the official VA for Orchid Frisk (who will be used in memes and promotional material), has equally amazing multiverse and the ideas spanning in that is awesome.

Don’t ever give up on your creation, as I’m sure it’s going to be other people’s comfort someday too. People out there may read your fics on a bad day and feel utterly warm. I had that with FTFOS, and now I, glad to hear I can do that with others with my own content.

As For Your Question….

Killer was unaware that the theories of a multiverse existing was true. He had heard his father speak about it, and also dug into some of the studies he did, but he never got to have the standard lab experience most Sans’s do since he was so young. Therefore, he never got to dive too deep into the findings and make his own theories. However, Killer isn’t stupid. He’s only seen as the least smart in the gang because he is the youngest with the least experience in school. The others have college level knowledge while he only has highschool, so naturally, he’s unable to be as aware as the others. He is incredibly emotionally smart and perceptive, tho. He plays his own game that will be covered more in chapter four, and once Nightmare brought him in, he could put two and two together that Nightmare being gentle towards a mass murderer didn’t bode well for his own past. People like that don’t look such dark individuals in the eyes with confidence unless they have blood on their hands too.

As for the time and date, Killer was more annoyed that they didn’t HAVE that system. He understands why they don’t, and it makes sense given what they have to work with, but he’s still peeved about it because he’s peeved about EVERYTHING at fifteen LOL! He’s bored out of his skull and a rebel teenager! Give him at least a solid clock to track his days for Fate’s sake!

[asshlyyyy]

Besides You

This is for all my people who are having a rough day. I've had this in my drafts for quite some time and didn't know where to take it. I hope you enjoy this, and I can't wait to get more out to you guys! Hopefully I'll have some one-shots coming up while I continue work on the multi-part fics.

If anyone knows why my posts have been doing terribly also... let me know. My posts have been... not doing quite as well as they should be. I'm not complaining it is just frustrating when you look at your follower to like ratio. My posts are showing up in tags... I just don't know what's happening.

Masterlist

Pairing: Elvis (or Austin!Elvis) x gn!reader

Warnings: Slight sexual themes, swearing, spelling and grammatical errors most likely. If I missed anything please let me know.

Word Count: 1.1k

“Hey darlin’, everything all right?” You heard Elvis speak from the door frame. You hummed and looked over at him. “Ya haven’t come down yet.” You gave him a weak smile. 

“I know… just… I’m just having an off day is all.” You replied back with a simple shrug. Though it more looked like an awkward movement due to you laying down.

You felt so bad. God… you felt so so bad. It wasn’t fair to Elvis. You were extremely happy with Elvis. That wasn’t the issue at bay. Your depression just made everything worse. You had these episodes now and again. These could appear at any moment, so you could really never prepare for them, which is why it wasn’t fair for Elvis. He shouldn’t have to deal with your… illness. 

“Mind if I join ya?” He asked with a slight smile on his face. 

You smiled softly and nodded, “though I don’t want to hold you back, Elvis.” 

“You can never hold me back, darlin’. I always want to be beside you.” He said softly and laid down on the bed next to you. You let out a break and shook your head.

“I just feel like I’m constantly holding you back.” You confessed to him. It was the first time you let those words come out of your mouth. You never told him about this. You didn’t want him to worry about you any more than he did. He looked at you confused. You brought your hand up to his shirt and played with his buttons.

“What do you mean? You’re never holding me back.” Elvis shook his head. 

“Remember all those things you wanted to do? Those that you wanted me to join you with? I would say no sometimes… and then you just wouldn’t do them. I… I don't want you to not do something just because I’m not in the mood.” You explained to Elvis. He brought his hand up to your head and ran his fingers through your hair. 

“Do me a favor, sweetheart. Look at ya ring finger there. What do ya see?” You looked at him confused but brought your hand up to your face. You looked at your engagement ring and wedding band. 

“The engagement ring you gave me, and the wedding band that binds us together.” You answered him. You looked past your hand and towards his blue eyes. 

“Exactly,” he used his finger to caress your cheek. You blushed lightly and pressed your face against his chest. “I married you because I love you for who you are. Just because ya have a few flaws don’ mean I don’ love ‘em. I love every single inch of you. From the top of your head to the ends of your toes.” He poked your stomach.

You let out a small giggle and looked up at him, “you’re so silly.” 

“Only for you of course.” You rolled your eyes playfully and pulled away. You pushed yourself up into a seated position and faced him. 

“Thank you.”

“Why are ya thankin’ me for?” He rubbed your thigh gently. 

“Because you’ve done a lot for me.” You grabbed his hand and interlocked your fingers together, “From putting up with my mood swings, joining me on my off days, holding me when I’m crying and not forcing me to speak about my feelings… to not ask why I’m crying. You don’t see me as a crybaby. You see me as a person.”

“I see you as the most perfect person I’ve eva met.” Elvis rested his forehead against yours. 

“Oh stop,” you giggled lightly as you slapped his chest lightly.

“‘M being serious,” he chuckled lightly and pulled away so that he could look at you. Your e/c orbs rolled in playfulness and pulled yourself far away from him. “Without you, I don’ know where I would’ve been in ma life. As cliche as it sounds… ya shaped me into who I am today.”

“Well… you shaped me into who I am today. Without you… I could've been dead, who knows.” You shrugged and got out of bed, feeling much better than you did beforehand. 

“I have a feelin’ God made it so we found each other. I believe in every universe… or different timeline… we would have found each other. We complete one another.”

“Okay lover boy, get out of bed.” You pulled the sheets off. “I have to clean these.”

“They can survive another night.”

“Elivs… these need to be cleaned. Especially after what happened yesterday morning.” You pointed out to him as you rolled the sheet over your hands.

“I have no idea what you are talkin’ about,” he said as a smirk found its way onto his lips. You rolled your eyes and walked over to the basket. You had to use whatever energy you had currently and get these chores done.

“Why don’ I help ya?” Elvis suggested. You looked over at him confused. It wasn’t like he never offered to help before, but when it came to laundry he tended to… shy away. He didn’t want to end up fucking something up. Like… accidentally shrinking his clothes, or turning his whites to pink.

“Are you sure? You can go ahead and do other things, I don’t mind.” You answered as you continued to peel the bed sheets off. 

“‘M sure. I want to make this day easy and enjoyable for you.” You smiled at his kind words and looked over at him. God, you were so lucky to call him yours. You always viewed him as the poor boy you met. The fame and fortune… it was something you never saw. You viewed it more as… he got a raise. It was silly but…

You knew how stressful Elvis got when it came to fame and fortune. You also knew that he loved to spend his fortune. Especially when it came to you. He loved to shower you with new things, and you loved every minute of it. Yet, you made sure he knew that you didn’t need anything. You had him, and that was all that mattered. He was all you needed.

“You’re all I need Elvis,” you whispered, “being near you makes everything easy and enjoyable.” 

“Oh darlin’,” he smiled and made his way over to you. “You’re all I need also.”

Elvis pressed his lips against yours and pulled you down onto the bed with him. You let out a light squeal before you kissed back. You brought your hands up to his face and smiled. Elvis was all you needed on a bad day. 

Sorry this was so short. Sometimes, there are certain things that need to be short. Just because they are short don't mean that they don't have meaning. I know I love writing longer things, but sometimes I can't force it out of me to write longer fics.

Mutual Taglist: @babyhoneypresley, @emmymaehereeeeee, @venus-haze, @austinstyles

[alaskan-wallflower]

Oh don’t get me started on the tiktoks complaining about Jason or Brody not stagedooring or being in the show 🤦🏼‍♀️. Jason literally commented on one of the videos apologizing! He should not have to do that! Also saw another comment on another one where they were like he typically doesn’t come out on weekday shows. Not true I’ve never seen the show on a weekend & Jason has come out every single time. Then Brody doesn’t have to give reasons either for not being in a show or stagedooring. I’ve seen the show 3 times and I was lucky enough to meet Brody last month at stagedoor and he was so nice and gracious with his time!

People need to stop demanding things of the whole cast when they have lives outside the show!

Poor Jason tbh…if he actually felt guilted by those Tiktok’s for not doing stage door then that’s just sad. He shouldn’t have to apologise for not doing something his contract doesn’t even require him to do. The fact that it’s grown ass women too is just so sad. What Jason and Brody choose to do is up to them. It sucks. I’ve heard Jason and Brody are both so so incredibly sweet and will listen to whatever you have to say and that’s genuinely so heartwarming to hear because it’s rare people will actually listen. but if they are gracious enough to come out then people should be respectful when they do (going off on a tangent) but some of the things i’ve heard happening to these poor people is so disgusting. people realize that verbally sexually assaulting some poor man isn’t like…good, right? Like they do realise that is VERBAL SEXUAL ASSAULT? And then these same disgusting people wonder “WhY dOeSnT jAsOn sTaGe DoOr” like gee, i fucking wonder! And then these same people look at him like dogs look at a steak and openly yell vile things to him (DURING THE SHOW TOO) and then wonder why he doesn’t come out. And I’ve also heard a handful of stories where people have grabbed Brody like in what world is it okay to grab a man who is on his way home? Like how entitled can you get? I heard he was like visibly shaken too like that’s just gross. If you can’t have the brains to be decent at stage door you don’t deserve to see these people at stage door. what do you gain from guilting them anyway?

I have heard wonderful stories about people who’ve met brody and jason and other cast members (which PLEASE SHARE WITH ME i love hearing about it 🥺) but if you can’t be decent to them then you don’t deserve to meet them.

also i find it funny how these people claim these actors are terrible people like you don’t even fucking know them what-also for the record you can have an opinion and not like someone but i’m not gonna take you serious if your reason for hating someone is ‘i hate that they don’t show up on vlogs” or “they’re a terrible person” and you don’t even know the people. give me a break.

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

Sussex Brand VICTIM

Follow the link Rebecca is tweeting...

Prince Harry was quiet and sounded nervous as he stated his name ��Prince Harry” and swore an oath on the bible in the witness box

I’ve never heard a barrister have to explain to the court the protocol on how to address a witness… “Your Royal Highness” in the first instance, then “Prince Harry”

Prince Harry says decision to “reluctantly” step back from Royal role was in large part “due to the constant intrusion, inciting of hatred & harassment by the tabloid press into every aspect of our private lives, which had a devastating impact on our mental health and wellbeing”

Prince Harry writes in his witness statement “How much more blood will stain their typing fingers before someone can put a stop to this madness.” He explains the comment was directed more broadly at the tabloid press rather than specific Mirror Group Newspaper journalists.

Prince Harry’s witness statement is 55 pages long. He writes… “What I complain of here is illegal or unlawful, and that is something which I feel incredibly strongly about.”

I genuinely feel that in every relationship that I’ve ever had – be that with friends, girlfriends, with family or with the army, there’s always been a third party involved, namely the tabloid press.”

It created a huge amount of paranoia in my relationships. I would become immediately suspicious of anyone that was named in a story about me I felt that I couldn’t trust anybody, which was an awful feeling for me especially at such a young age.”

I feel somewhat relieved to know that my paranoia towards my friends and family had, in fact, been misplaced, although feel sad for how much it impacted my adolescence.”

In his witness statement #PrinceHarry makes several references to his late mother #PrincessDiana “There are even eight private investigator payments made in relation to my mother, which I have only learnt of since bringing my claim. This makes me feel physically sick.”

The Duke of Sussex singles out Piers Morgan for criticism

The thought of Piers Morgan and his band of journalists earwigging into my mother’s private and sensitive messages (in the same way as they have me)…

and then having given her a “nightmare time” three months prior to her death in Paris, makes me feel physically sick and even more determined to hold those responsible, including Mr Morgan, accountable for their vile and entirely unjustified behaviour.”

“As a consequence of me bringing my Mirror Group claim, both myself and my wife have been subjected to a barrage of horrific personal attacks and intimidation from Piers Morgan, who was the Editor of the Daily Mirror between 1995 and 2004

presumably in retaliation and in the hope that I will back down, before being able to hold him properly accountable for his unlawful activity towards both me and my mother during his editorship.

The problem is that, over the last 15 to 20 years, there are now incredibly powerful media companies who masquerade as journalists and who have, quite literally, hijacked journalistic privileges for their own personal gain and agenda, It’s an unbelievably dangerous place.”

I am bringing this claim, not because I hate the tabloid press or even necessarily a section of it, but in order to properly hold the people who have hijacked those privileges, which come with being a member of the press, to account for their actions.”

I feel there’s a responsibility to expose this criminal activity in the name of public interest."

Prince Harry attempts to lighten to mood by quipping “you’ve got me doing a work-out” as the defence barrister repeatedly asks him to pull out the huge bundles of documents involved in this complicated case.

Prince Harry has been asked to raise his voice in court. The barrister for Mirror Group Newspapers, Andrew Green KC, jokes “not in anger I hope!”

https://www.itv.com/news/2023-06-06/prince-harry-in-high-court-in-case-against-mirror-publisher#Echobox=1686047163

[cheeriecherrymain]

(5 of 5) #21 - listening to them rant (OH GOD PLEASE, please please please give the reader just listening to Viktor just talk up a storm about his inventions. The whole type of scene where he might start to apologize and stop talking - only to have the reader ask him to keep going and his face just lights up. Gah, I would die)

man i love listening to people talk about things. like hell yeah bby infodump at me!

Viktor x Reader

-So listening to him talk extensively is probably a habit that actually deepened your friendship (and eventual romance). 

-You weren’t more than classmates and occasional lab partners at first. You were on good terms, often choosing to work with each other whenever pairs or groups were required - he thought you were reliable and creative, and on top of that, you always treated him kindly. You listened to his ideas, and he didn’t have to fight to be heard by you.

-But he never sought you out. If someone were to ask, he would say that you were on friendly terms, though he wouldn’t outright call you a friend.

-At least not until one chilly winter night in the library.

-He was up late trying to gather as much information as he could about his next project - surrounded by towers of books that were filled with tabs he’d stuck to the pages that held relevant facts. He’s got his notebook open in front of him, hastily scribbling his thoughts and observations. But he’s growing frustrated.

-He can’t figure out where he’s going wrong. He’s triple checked all his math, gone over every inch of blueprint that displayed drawings of every single part. And…nothing. To add insult to injury, the snow-filled winds from outside must have been getting in through gaps in the building - the library was frigid, and it was making his leg ache something fierce.

-He feels like giving up for the night, even though he knows he’ll be behind on the project if he does so. He’s addled and distracted, and he’s not getting anything done, so…

-Until he hears a quiet utterance of his name.

-He turns in his chair, glancing around for a couple seconds before his eyes adjust to the change in brightness, and he sees you standing by one of the nearby bookshelves.

- “I thought it might be you,” you say, with a soft smile. “I saw the lamp when I walked in, and you’re the only person I could think of that would be here at two in the morning.”

-You wander over to him to stop beside his desk, and it’s then that he notices the large object in your hand, dangling by your side.

- “What are you doing here so late?” he wonders, eyeing the contraption in your grip.

-You follow his gaze, and offer him another smile before dropping into a crouch beside him. “I work part time here,” you explain, pulling a panel off the object to reveal what looks like a single-bladed fan. “But because I’m a student, I get stuck with the worst shifts. Technically I’m not supposed to be in for another four hours, but it’s downright freezing in here. I thought I might try and warm the place up a bit before the rest of the student body comes in.”

-You press a couple buttons on the top of the little machine, until it quietly hums to life. The fan starts spinning slowly, and he almost complains when you turn it towards him. Until he realizes it’s blowing blessedly warm air, instead of chilling him.

-He sighs, and melts into his seat, slouching back while he soaks up the heat.

-But you don’t leave after that.

-Instead, you pull up a chair beside him, and situate yourself to stare at him expectantly. “So?” you prompt, “What’s got you looking so ready to rip all your hair out?”

-He can hear the amusement in your voice. Usually such a thing would annoy him, but your sweet little smile only serves to relax him, and make his stomach fill with flutters.

- “It’s the project I’m working on,” he admits, his features pinching into a perturbed frown. “I’ve done everything correctly, looked over every possibility, and still! Nothing is doing what it’s supposed to!”

-You cross your arms over the back of your chair, and rest your chin on them. “Explain it to me,” you tell him. 

- “What?”

- “Explain it,” you repeat, nodding at his work. “Sometimes saying it out loud can help you find the error. Plus, if I know what you’re working on, maybe I can offer some insight.”

-He seems dubious by your plan, but you look so earnestly happy to be there with him, to help him. And he knows you’re smart, even if the two of you have vastly different working styles. It might help to have a different point of view, he thinks, and starts to walk you through his work.

-It takes a good half an hour for you to fully grasp the complexity of his project, and understand every little niche and function, but you’re patient. You let him talk your ear off and prattle through every section of his notes. You even write your questions down for later instead of asking them outright, just so you don’t interrupt his flow.

-He’s never met someone who has just…let him speak. Not only that, but let him speak and genuinely listened to what he was saying. He thinks for sure that you’ll be impatient by the end of his impromptu lesson, but you only present him with your list of questions, asking about things he’d mentioned all throughout his speech.

-It makes him feel weird and squishy, so know that you see him.

-The two of you figure things out by five in the morning, much to his relief. You’re both fatigued and about to fall asleep, but…you figured it out. With his formulas corrected and his design altered to fit them, his final creation should work as intended. It wouldn’t even take long to make! He could sleep for the rest of the day, and he’d still have ample time to finish putting everything together-

-His silent celebration is interrupted by a quiet snore.

-He glances away from his notes, over to you…and his heart melts.

-You’ve fallen asleep in your chair, your face mushed into your arms. He never thought he’d ever see your sleeping face, but now that he has…you’re cute. Your cheek is squished in just the right way to make your lips form a pout, and…

-His stomach flutters again, and he looks away. It’s just because they helped me, he thinks, trying to convince himself that nothing else is coming into play.

-Joke’s on him though, because three months later you ask him on a date, and you spend the entire time helping him talk through another project. It becomes a routine over the years - every couple weeks, he seeks you out to ask for your ear, and you happily let him talk until his throat gets sore.

-You genuinely love seeing him so passionate about something, and you love being able to get a peek into the way his mind works. Even if the two of you are tucked into bed together, in the dark, and you’re thirty seconds away from sleep - he’ll start talking about something that he can’t figure out, and you’ll stave off your drowsiness so you can listen. Your replies are usually useless at that point of the day, but he appreciates you nonetheless.

[notar1ana]

TW: homophobia, slurs

Okay so this is going to be more of a serious post.

I’m currently in high school which isn’t the best time for anybody, but the thing is, I’m full on considering going back in the closet. I’ve heard so many people say that schools are so liberal and they’re trying to indoctrinate our children to be gay. Which is not at all true or even correct. No matter how many times I get harassed nobody at the school will bat an eye at myself hurting. It’s gotten so bad to the point where I want to go into hiding again never to be seen until I graduate. I feel disgusted by the amount of people who harass me on the daily basis, I would rather just go into hiding then be harassed for “being myself”. I know that being out and proud is what people want queer people to do but I’m just not in a safe enough place to do that. I feel like theater and listening the musical falsettos on repeat is my only safe space at my school. I want to go back to being “normal” again even though being out and proud with past girlfriends may have been the happiest I’ve even been, I can’t do it. It’s like the world is caving in on me and I still hear people complain about “kids these days” and their “liberal agenda” even though I hear f-ggot and d-ke on the daily basis. I’m on the edge of going back to the person I was so many years ago, I don’t know how to find myself anymore because I’m repressing so much of myself down into my head. William Finn has made such an impact on my life that he didn’t even know he had, that musical is my only queer and safe place I can run to in the hallways packed with thousands of people like sardines in a can. I want to be out and proud to make other queer friends but now it’s starting to feel like the days of Judy Garland (if you know, you know). I feel like Marvin in In Trousers currently because I like the rain, I like the snow, but I don’t love, touch, drink, or screw men and I feel like I have to prove to others that I am socially acceptable in life even though I want to be “saved” by other queer people. I can’t wait until I’m able to make the choice of the people who I want to surround myself with instead of other people choosing for me, but at the same time I’m terrified of growing up. I’m sitting here writing this in my room next to my pride stitch plushie feeling like I’ve disappointed my people by giving into the societal norms of what love should look like. I’m counting down every single day until I can finally let myself be free in the summer time which is currently 95 days of school left which doesn’t sound like much but it sounds so disgusting to have to spend 95 days surrounding myself with people who bring me down. I know this is kind of a stupid question to ask on tumblr but should I go back into the closet?

[bitletsanddrabbles]

HOW THE ACTUAL F*** DOES THIS SITE WORK?!?

I swear, ever since I’ve gotten on here, I have poured hours into art, into fiction, into deep, thoughtful posts, and I’ve been lucky if I get ten responses!

But if I make an observation or a comment or even a bloody joke that can possibly be taken as ‘wrong’ or ‘misrepresentative’ or ‘hurtful’ then somehow, without a single reblog, I suddenly have people coming out of nowhere and jumping all over me!

WHY ARE YOU HERE NOW?

Why were you not here when I was writing fiction about your favorite character/ship/trope? Why were you not here when I was having an in depth back and forth character analysis with another fan about the very thing you love?

I’ve written ESSAYS on how wonderful Edith is, but the second I point out that she screwed up at the breakfast table in S6 and that Mary can’t read minds, suddenly people who have never said ‘boo’ to me are all how dare you side with MARY you awful Edith hater!!!!

God alone knows how many Thomas/Richard fics* and posts stating ‘Yeah, multishipper here’ and ‘dude, guys, ship and let ship!’ I’ve made, but I make a couple sarcastic comments about the members of the Thomas/Richard ship that I’ve personally dealt with** and a commuting joke, and suddenly I’m being told off for being nasty and snide and not respecting other people’s ships.

LOOK, I’M SORRY, BUT THE BEHAVIOR OF ***MOST*** OF THE THOMAS/RICHARD SHIPPERS ***I’VE PERSONALLY DEALT WITH*** HAS BEEN STRAIGHT UP NASTY AND HAS MADE ME QUESTION IF I EVER WANTED TO RISK WRITING THE PAIR AGAIN, LEAST I HAVE TO INTERACT WITH THEM*** - MEANWHILE I’VE NOT HAD A SINGLE BAD INTERACTION WITH THE THOMAS/GUY CREW!

I get that I have not dealt with every single Thomas/Richard OTPer out there. I won’t pretend I have! The Thomas/Richard OTPers I do get along with I absolute adore and if they left, I would straight up cry. Seeing a post from one of them makes my bloody day!****

I get that there are people out there who have had the exact opposite experience, but this is mine, okay? If you have Thomas/Guy fans being nasty to you, you have every right to complain about that on your blog, in your private Discord servers, in your knitting groups, wherever! That’s why they’re there!

Hell, we might not even know the same people at all!  Not a single one!

The point is, you don’t know me. You’ve never paid attention to me before when I was doing things that you’d approve of and maybe even enjoy. You don’t have the background info to begin to know how to take what I’m saying.

SO HOW DID YOU SUDDENLY FIND ME AND WHY ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION NOW?

*okay, God and anyone who bothered to count, which isn’t me.

**I mean, I suppose it would be good of me to put a note in my blog header warning people that I’m naturally sarcastic and not to take it seriously but....oh. Wait. I did that.

*** So far the answer has been ‘yes, I do’, and believe it or not, I’ve even started a couple, but those are WIPs and it could still change.

**** Especially the one I’ve not heard from in MONTHS who just posted and OMG YES GONNA GO READ NOW WHOOOOOOOOOOO!

[hollythehills]

Chapter Five: Sounds Like A Date

The date!! Writing this was so so fun that I’ve already begun the next two chapters :)))

Notes:

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

when I tell you I love every single one of you from the deepest depths of my heart.

thank you all for the love and support, and I hope you enjoy <3

Also I’m so sorry for disappearing… I kinda deleted tumblr on accident and forgot it existed…

ANYWAY HERES THE CHAPTER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was colder than you thought it was going to be. You clung your light sweater, while you walked down the sidewalk to the cafe. You knew the place, and you were delighted to know that Oak did too.

After grocery shopping yesterday you had gone home and gotten some gardening done, you knew that the first frost might come soon, and you were glad you did considering the goosebumps running down your arms.

You knew today would be interesting, you hadn't known Oak had a brother until yesterday and your mouth lit in a smile when you thought about meeting him. You'd admit, you had a lot of fun. More fun grocery shopping than you had in a while. He was sweet, despite his gruff demeanor.

The coffee shop came into view and you found yourself grinning. You didn't see Oak and his brother yet, but you were a little early. You didn't mind waiting a little.

Just then a light breeze wept your skirt into the wind and sent chills down your spine.

Maybe you should wait from inside the cafe.

~

"Brother!" Oak heard his brother call him from the first floor of their home. He fingered the beanie in his hand, hating that he had to wear it. The material aggravated his skull, but he knew he'd get even more stares if he didn't wear it. He tried not to care, but he knew his injury made him look down right murderous. Even his housemates sometimes flinched when they looked at him, not being able to catch themselves in time.

The only people who were able to look at him without flinching were his brother. And you.

He thought of your face then, a light blush taking over his skull. He was so excited when you accepted his invitation. Some of his old personality floated back to him, and words came to him so easily. He felt like himself around you, in a way that he had only ever felt with his brother. And occasionally with Red. Never really with Classic. 'Prime Sans'. He hated the way that was how he thought of him.

'Prime', like he was somehow the first, and all of them came after. That wasn't how the multiverse worked. Classic was just lucky enough to be the first of them to start working on that machine.

Though, he thought bitterly, he'd probably never have the chance to work on that machine back home. He never would have made it to the surface anyway.

He closed his sockets and felt the air shift, and the floor drop from his feet. Then the floor was back and he was looking at his brother.

"hey bro."

"Sans!" His brother looked exasperated. He wore a smart turtleneck with a black overcoat, that didn't quite reach his calves because of his height. "We Cannot Be Late To Your Date! It Is Incredibly Uncouth." He looked at his brother's beanie for only a second but didn't say anything.

"it's okay bro. i know a shortcut." He grinned a little and right when his brother was about to complain about the laziness of 'short-cutting' Blue walked in, with Stretch only a moment behind.

Blue looked at them, "WELL DON'T YOU TWO LOOK ALL DRESSED UP! WHAT'S THE OCCASION?" He smiled, and seemed to be starting his breakfast, though it seemed a little late for him to only just then be awake.

Stretch, who looked much less thrilled to be awake than his brother, went to the couch to promptly flop onto it.

Poplar smiled gently, as to not cause any ache in his teeth. He had only just gotten his braces tightened a couple of days before, "We Are Going To That Attractive Little Cafe I Told You About," he looked at his brother and Oak was very grateful he didn't mention you. He didn't need the teasing or interrogation from anyone.

"THE ONE DOWNTOWN?" Blue asked.

"yup. want anything?"

Stretch answered from the couch before his brother could, "honey-buns please."

Oak looked at him, his sockets were closed and he looked absolutely exhausted.

Poplar said, "Are You Alright?" The concern in his voice was obvious and Stretch perked up a bit to sooth Poplar's nerves.

"yeah, I'm alright. was just up a little late working on a project."

"Ah." Poplar muttered, glancing at his watch before looking at his brother. "Well! We Can Pick Up Those Honey-buns, But We Will Be Heading Out Now. Have A Nice Day, You Two!"

"YOU TOO, POPLAR! SEE YOU BOTH LATER." Blue saw them leave with a wave, Stretch thanking them and doing the same.

Before they left Poplar quickly grabbed his cane, which was a sophisticated maroon color that matched his brother's magic. He wanted to be careful, getting tired and not having his cane would be very painful. He knew his brother would not hesitate to shortcut to their home to get it for him, but he didn't want him straining himself. Short-cutting had only just gotten easier for him since. Well. Since the accident. He also made sure to quietly grab the small bouquet of purple hydrangeas that he had grabbed from work the night before. After all, there was no second chance to make a first impression.

When they got outside Oak grabbed his brother's hand and they both closed their sockets. When the air shifted they could smell bread and coffee, they both opened their eyes and saw the cafe in front of them. It really was an attractive little place.

"Okay! Are You Ready, Brother?"

Oak looked at his brother, who looked so hopeful and felt a short moment of anxiety. He realized all at once that his brother's injuries were much more difficult to hide than his were. He really had only just met you. And he trusted you enough to meet his brother, the only thing he really cared about in this entire universe.

But he tried his best to shake that off. No, he didn't know you. But he trusted his gut. He was a good judge of character. After all, He was a judge.

He nodded at his brother finally, who nodded back at him and they stepped into the cafe, Poplar ducking slightly so as to not hit his head in the doorway.

They didn't see you at first, but you absolutely saw them. It was hard to miss the eight foot skeleton ducking through the doorway.

You stood up and waved to them from your booth, and you were glad you picked a booth now. You didn't want Oak or his brother to have to squeeze into one of those tiny seats in the front. You had a smile on your face, you had thought Oak was tall. His brother dwarfed him.

They spotted you and quickly walked over, though it only took Poplar a couple of steps to do so. He was suddenly very thankful that this cafe had such high ceilings, it would have been an awkward walk over while crouching.

You stuck your hand out to Oak's brother and introduced yourself, "It's so nice to meet you!"

He grabbed your hand excitedly, "Yes And You As Well! I Am Poplar," he had a soft voice that you found absolutely lovely, and another tree name too! In his other hand he held a gorgeous hydrangea bouquet and he handed it to you, "For You, Dear." He had a sweet look of hope on his face and you blushed deeply at the pet name.

"Thank you!" You gasped, "These are gorgeous."

He waved you on with a deep smile, a rust red blush lighting his cheek bones.

You chuckled a little, turning to Oak, "It's great to see you again," You opened your arms up a little for a hug and you watched while his face changed from surprise to delight and his face was painted a soft maroon blush. He pulled you in, crouching a little to give you a proper hug.

His hands rested at your shoulders in a friendly embrace and your eyes widened when you realized that you wanted to stay in his arms a little longer than you did. You pulled away and found yourself missing the warmth that was there. He was surprisingly soft for a skeleton, and his arms felt solid.

Though you shouldn't be surprised, you reminded yourself. You saw his arms yesterday, and his bones were much thicker than a human's. Skeleton monster anatomy wasn't identical to a human skeleton, that much was for certain. Oak was much more 'big boned' than his brother, who was thinner and much taller.

Oak was wearing the same beanie you had seen him in before, except now he didn't have his gardening pants, he had on some worn jeans that fit him surprisingly well considering how tall he was.

His brother had glasses similar to yours in shape, but they were much thicker. And his eyelights! They were beautiful, and a little fuzzy. They reminded you of Oak's yesterday when he asked you to this place. His brother wore a large sweater paired with a black overcoat and a smart pair of slacks. He also used a cane, and it was a deep red, almost burgundy color.

They were a very dynamic pair, the two of them. And already you could feel the stares of some of the human cafe goers, however you paid them no mind as you sat down.

~

Oak looked at his brother, who immediately understood the predicament. Where were they going to sit? On one hand, they both would love to sit next to you, and on the other if they sat across from you they would have a much better view.

A true crisis.

However they quickly decided to sit across from you, so as to not make you uncomfortable. Oak already got a hug from you, and with the table against the wall he knew that he would probably squish you a little if he sat next to you, anyway.

"it's good to see you too, shortcake."

"Shortcake?" Poplar looked at his brother from across you, and you saw Oak's grin get wider.

"yeah, bro. shortcake."

Poplar looked from you to Oak, a short look of confusion on his face before he whispered to his brother with a dramatic gasp, "Brother! Are You Commenting On Your Date's Height?"

Oak chuckled, "of course not, bro. i would never stoop so low."

Poplar gasped again. "Brother!"

You put a hand over your mouth to smother your laughter at least a little. But Poplar just looked so genuinely offended, you couldn't help the giggles that did escape. Your eyes were bright and you said, "Aw Poplar, it's okay. You don't have to be so down about it."

Poplar mouth hung open and Oak looked at you with bright eye lights and a goofy grin. You swore for just a second Oak's swollen eyelight turned into a heart, but you blinked and it was gone.

"Please, Not You Too. I Don't Think I'll Be Able To Stomach This Date If You Do."

Oak looked at his brother, his face suddenly serious and said, "but bro. you don't have a stomach."

You watched Poplar facepalm and both yours and Oak's giggles grew. You looked between the two of them and felt your face warm. You hadn't had this much fun at the cafe in ages. You met Oak's eyelights and you could tell he was thinking the same thing.

"so," Oak started, his quiet chuckles finally stopping, much to his brother's relief, "how've you been, doe?"

Your eyebrow rose, "Doe? That one's new."

"yeah you got these big doe eyes. figured it fits."

"Oh She Does Have Large Eyes, Doesn't She?" Poplar joined in, suddenly looking very interested in your eyes."

Their stares had you blushing a little and you laughed, "I've been good, Oak. It's getting cold out there though, I'm finally getting around to getting all my garden stuff into my greenhouse and into my pantry."

His eye lights widened, "you garden?"

You nodded, "Yeah, I've got some veggies and a couple of herb planters too, but I usually keep those inside." You held your finger up, remembering, "except my lavender, I keep that outside 'cause of my cat."

If it was possible, Oak's smile got brighter and Poplar glanced at him, his quiet laugh escaping him. "Goodness, Brother You Look Like A Kid In A Candy Shop."

Poplar turned to you, "He Has A Garden At Home Too, Though I'm Sure He Hasn't Told You About It."

"Really? I'd love to come see it! Here," You pulled out your phone, "I have some pictures of mine. And I can show you some pictures of Stella too."

You grinned while the brothers looked at your garden. There was impressiveness in Poplar's gaze, and he even made a few 'oohs' and 'ahhs'.

Oak looked downright adoring. Before you thought you had imagined it, but you saw that his eyelight was definitely shaped like a heart looking through the pictures.

You described where and why you kept all of your plants, telling them about the sunflowers in your front yard, as well as all of the bird feeders that fed your crows so they would stay away from your actual crops.

"And if you have strawberries you can paint some rocks red and just keep them around the berry bushes, because crows don't like hard fruits so they'll learn that the strawberries there aren't good."

Oak nodded, and looked at his brother, "we didn't plant any berries this year, did we?"

Poplar shook his head, "We Did Not," He turned to you, "We Tried To Plant Them Last Year But We Planted Them In The Spring."

You nodded in understanding, "Yeah, did that my first year too. Ended up drying out no matter how often I watered them. I ended up moving them to my greenhouse this year and they actually did a lot better than I expected them to." You offered, "If you guys like you could come over to my place after this, I can send some home with you."

You watched as they both were taken aback, and confused you said, "You don't have to, of course! Don't feel pressured just because I offered."

Poplar looked at his brother, who looked back at him and they softly smiled. Poplar said, "No! Please, We Are Not Offended In The Slightest. Where We Are From Offering Food To Someone Is A Large Show Of Trust."

Oak nodded, his face lit in that burgundy glow, "we were just... surprised."

Your eyes widened in understanding and you nodded back to them, "I didn't know that at all, is that a tradition for all monsters?"

Poplar shook his head, his brother letting him take the lead, "No, My Brother And I Were Rather Isolated In the Underground, And Only Those Who Were Close By Carry That Culture. It Is More Of A Provincial Tradition."

You smiled, "Well the offer still stands if you'd like to take it. I have way too much to preserve, I was planning on trying to sell some at the market, anyway."

Poplar sat back in the booth, relaxing his back into the soft seat. He watched your face, he saw complete trust. It was a little foolish, he realized. To let these two monsters into your home after just meeting them. But he did not take you for a foolish person. Perhaps a little too trusting. But you were very intelligent, he could tell.

Oak had a soft smile plastered on his face, and he didn't remember the last time he had smiled so much. From your cheesy jokes to the way you were so trusting of him and his brother, he found you absolutely adorable. And you gardened too, you even offered him something from that garden. Something that you had raised from the ground.

You pulled out your phone, saying that you completely forgot to show them pictures of your cat, "Her name's Stella!"

Your phone showed an elegant black cat with one patch of white fur on her face. Poplar cooed at the screen, letting out a soft 'aw'. Oak melted at the sight, she looked absolutely adorable. "stella. like stella maris."

You looked at Oak, "Stella Maris?"

"the constellation." Oak surprised himself. It had been a while since his memory was good enough that he could remember a constellation so easily. His brother looked at him, and his face was proud but just as surprised as his.

"Brother, Have You Been Studying Constellations Again?" Poplar asked, his brow bone raised a little.

"no." Oak answered honestly, he hadn't been. He was afraid that he wouldn't be able to remember any of the constellations he studied, and didn't want to be disappointed when he didn't.

"I've always loved the stars," You said. You had a dreamy look on your face, which peered out the window of the cafe. "On the mountain is the best view. You don't even need a telescope to see all the stars up there."

Oak said, "you've been up the mountain?"

"I live on the mountain. On the west side."

Poplar's eyesockets widened, "Do You Really? We Live On The Mountain!"

"Really?" You looked at them, "I didn't know anyone else lived up there! I figured after the opening monsters would want to get as far away from that place as they could."

Oak was stunned, she had been this close the whole time? They lived on the west side too, though he was sure they were a little further up the mountain than she was, since they had never seen her. Or even traces that another person lived so close.

"yeah. a lot of monsters did. but we have a pretty big family." Oak looked at his brother, who understood what he was doing.

"Yes! We Live With Our Cousins, And The Homes In Town Are Not Nearly Big Enough To House All Ten Of Us."

You whistled, "Good god. That is a lot of people in one house."

Oak chuckled, "yeah. it definitely is."

This was not good, Oak realized. Sans had moved onto the mountain for the seclusion, just in case the machine got out of hand. Just in case something happened, he didn't want to be the cause of mass panic. And then something did happen, they all arrived and they were just thankful that Sans had built such a large house up there. But you were there, probably the whole time.

Sans was not going to like that.

You thought about Blue and Black. They were skeleton monsters too. Maybe they were their cousins! But... is that racist? How common are skeleton monsters? Just because they're skeleton monsters doesn't mean that they are related. You decided to just leave it be, not wanted to risk being offensive to your new friends.

"Wow. Well I guess that makes it a lot easier for you both to come over, doesn't it?"

Poplar and Oak chuckled softly, Poplar letting out a soft 'Nyeh Heh Heh' that made you smile. You all decided to finally get something from the shop, Oak getting an Americano, Poplar and you getting lattes and some small cakes for the table.

You all talked among yourselves for a bit, and you learned that Poplar actually worked as a florist at a flower shop downtown, one that you had seen on your commute to work before. You promised to send him home with some flowers from your garden since he had been so sweet to bring you some.

"That Would Be Lovely, Dear." His eyelights were a fuzzy white that had you fawning, and you looked at Oak who had a similar dreamy look about him. You all had finished your coffee and cakes some time ago, but you really didn't want this date to end.

It seemed that they felt the same, because they stayed in their seats, all of you looking at each other. After a little you smiled, "Do you guys want to come over for dinner? We can make something together, or I could just make it and we could watch a movie." You looked at the time, "It's still really early, we can just make this an all-day kinda date."

Poplar looked at his brother with a soft smile and a hopeful look in his eye that Oak hadn’t seen in a while, "What Do You Think?"

Oak grinned, "sounds like a date."

[buglymcbugson]

found some old writing from 2021 - how beautiful is it to look back on old feelings and know how far you’ve come. trigger warnings on this one for sexual assault xo

“he keeps saying the c word, and it isn’t ‘cunt’”

i’ve started leaving the house now that lena is here

nowhere crazy of course

the other day i walked to yoga class 15 minutes away

alone

this might not seem like a large feat to some

but 6 months ago i had panic attacks leaving the house to walk the puppy

i even said hi to acquaintance yesterday at the grocery store

and i didn’t want to slit my wrists

lena being here brings me out of my shell

she met me without my hardened shell built to protect me from the toxicity of my hometown

she reminds me that i am more than the people of this place perceive me to be

i see this place through her eyes

last week i looked up to the mountains

and i saw mountains

beautiful mountains

i didn’t feel like they were moving in on me slowly until they squeezed all the air out of my lungs

because of my newfound ability to leave the house i’ve also been socialising more

mostly with my cousins, and with jayden

who i guess is one of the closest things to a brother i have (outside of my own brother of course but that’s an extra note in itself isn’t it)

we have naked baby pictures together

he can recount all the bad family fights at thanksgivings we had together

he even complains about my father in the same way i do

most nights jayden invites his friends over to hang with us too

this is another thing my anxiety would prevent me from doing 6 months ago

but jayden’s friends are cool

they all just smoke weed, play music, and tell dumb jokes

they weren’t the kind of people to keep tabs on me in high school

or call me a slut for who i slept with

or kept up to date on who i slept with for that matter

just a few nerdy stoner guys

jack was there tonight

the son of my 8th grade spanish teacher

i hadn’t seen him since middle school

he’s always been chill

no drama

and he was chill tonight, as usual

but then jack said the C word while we were walking down the street

and i had to stop and pause, unnoticed by the group who kept talking and laughing

and repeating the C word

and god how much I wish the word was “cunt”

but the word wasn’t “cunt,” the C word is his name

and as i soon as i heard it the mountains started moving in

it was a little harder to breathe

and my hangnails looked a lot more appetizing for my chattering teeth

i’ve been gone for so long

and isolated for so much longer (due to my severe anxiety first and a global pandemic second)

that i forgot he existed outside the person he is to me

he exists as a friend, a teammate, and a lover to others

but to me, C**** will always be my rapist

and it’s not like hearing jack say his name reminded me about him

there’s not a single day that goes by that i don’t think about him or what he did to me

but it was a reminder that in this place

he doesn’t belong to me or to my story

he’s not simply a character in the story of my life that i retell when i connect with someone in a foreign country

i am no longer the main character

because people perceive him apart from me

apart from my rapist

they perceive him as a jokester, an athlete, and a bit of a party animal

when they see him all they see is his long hair that frames his gap toothed smile and eyes i used to think looked kind

people tell stories and they aren’t about him fucking an unconscious child

they’re about the funny jokes he’s told and the gifts he had to buy for his girlfriend when he fucked up

and about a faaaaaatty bong rip he took one time

i have forgotten what it feels like to be silenced by his name

have my strength and power i’ve developed over years of self discovery pushed back down my throat

because i will never be able to say it here

i couldn’t while it happened

i couldn’t after it happened

and i can’t now

the only thing consistent in my life is the silence that traps me every time the wheels touch down at the Juneau International Airport

i wonder if i’ll ever get to the point where his name doesn’t make me stop in the street

i honestly doubt it

but i walked to yoga alone so i guess anything is possible

[radama-zard]

Dungeons & Drabbles - 2022

Day 27 - Mold

--------------------

FCG/Imahara Joe (Modern Human AU)

“Hi! I'm Fresh Cut Grass!”

The mechanic blinked slowly, raising his safety glasses to get a better look at the person before him. They looked to be in their twenties, with silvery dyed hair bound in soft looking locs, all tied up. Wide, round glasses framed bright blue eyes, and a smile as warm as their rich brown skin lit up their face. A bright yellow sweater was worn under bluish gray overalls that cut off as shorts, with mismatched gloves of yellow and blueish gray as well. Beneath was sunshine yellow tights and brown leather lace up boots. They sat in a wheelchair the same color as their sweater, although much of it was covered with bright and color stickers.

All in all, they weren't usually the kind of person Imahara Joe tended to get at his business. Didn't really fit the mold.

Not that he was complaining! It was nice to see a friendly face.

“Imahara Joe,” he responded with an easy smile, offering out his hand to… Fresh Cut Grass. Okay, that would take a little getting used to, but hey, who was he to judge? At least it was a more unique name than Joe.

“Nice to finally meet ya, Joe! Milo always says you're a real pleasure to work with!”

“Oh! You're one of Milo’s housemates then, aren't you? They said they'd be sending someone over today in their stead. Usually it's Ashton or Anni. Do you also go by Letters?”

“Yep! Letters, Grass, FCG, all are good by me! Did Milo talk about me?”

Joe laughed, the sound as good natured as could be.

“Yeah. All good things, don't worry! None of them have a bad word to say about you.”

“Well that's a relief to hear. It's nice to know I'm not a source of frustration or upset! But anyway… Milo’s order? If that's okay, Joe?”

“Oh, yeah, of course. Got it right here! The molds were especially hard to find, but I got them. Tell them they've gotta share what they've made when they're done, I'm dying to know! Milo always makes the most interesting projects…”

“I'm sure Mi would be delighted to share! They're real excited about this one, they’ve been talking about it near non-stop for three days straight! It's always endearing to see them so passionate about the stuff they love.”

Joe watched Fresh Cut Grass’ smile turn soft, and he couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy.

“Milo must feel pretty lucky to have you in their life. Ashton and Anni too. They complain every time they come here, but it's pretty obvious to see how much they love them. You too. If it's not prying, may I ask…?”

“I'm pretty lucky to have all of them in my life too! But sure, ask away!”

“Are you four… dating? Like, um, a poly kind of thing. Sorry if that's too invasive.”

Gods did Joe hate how his cheeks burned as he asked that. Like, come on! He was a full grown man, a 27 year old for fucks sake! Yet here he was, getting all flustered asking if some people were in some kind of unconventional relationship.

Ridiculous of him, huh? Maybe this was why he was still single.

“It's alright, I don't find that question to be too much! While yes, we are in a polyamorous relationship, it's not a romantic one, you see? It's queer platonic! We all love each other deeply, just not like that. I think Ashton is hooking up with Fearne… and Milo and Anni don't want to be with anyone but us at all!”

Huh. To be honest, Joe wasn't sure he'd ever heard of queer platonic before. Not that that made it any less valid, it just meant that was something he'd have to research tonight. Like he'd had to with non binary when he'd first met Milo. They'd opened up Joe’s world to a lot of new things, something he was proud of.

“And what about you? Are you hooking up with anyone?”

… Why had he asked that? Internally Joe groaned, wishing to disappear inside his garage and crawl into the nearest pile of auto parts and never return.

“I don't think I've dated anyone romantically ever. I've had a few people flirt with me but I've never really been interested. Anni thinks Marwa might have a thing for me but I'm not sure. I really should ask her… Why’d you ask?”

“O-Oh, you know, small talk and all… Business stuff.”

Yep. Death would be preferable to this whole conversation right now. Fuck, he hadn't been THIS much of a mess since high school.

“I'm not sure that's good for business, but okay! A word of warning though, people might mistake you for flirting with them and such if you ask them stuff like this.”

“Right- Yeah. You're right.”

“It would probably sting a lot more, considering you’re real attractive and all. People get very put out when they're shut down by attractive folks.”

“Yes, yes, you're ri-” Joe froze, pivoting around from the box he'd been fiddling with to stare Fresh Cut Grass right in the eye. “... Did you just call me attractive?”

“Mhm! I mean, it's an obvious truth. You have a rugged sort of handsomeness to ya. Yet real soft eyes and a warm smile. That's pretty attractive.”

How did they say it like that, as though it were a simple fact and not a massively flirtatious compliment? Was it even flirting? It was impossible to tell with Fresh Cut Grass, they weren't terribly easy to read.

“I- uh, thanks. That's nice of you to say. Can't say I've been told that before. You're pretty good looking yourself…”

Yeah, real smooth, Joe thought.

At least Fresh Cut Grass seemed delighted by it, if the way their eyes lit up was any indication.

“Thank you, that's real kind of you to say! Now, I don't mean to be rude, but the order? Sorry, I'm on a bit of a time crunch. Ashton will be here to pick me up any moment and I don't want to keep them waiting.”

“Right, right! I’ll be back in a minute!”

Joe jankily jogged into his garage, stopping only for a few seconds when he knew he was well and truly out of sight.

Infatuation. It’s been years since he'd last been this way with someone. Yet Joe couldn't deny the giddy joy that came with it, the bubbly delight of a slowly forming crush.

And sure, maybe it was a little foolish of him, and was pretty likely to go nowhere. But it was… nice, to have those kind of feelings reignited, to feel something so new and exciting growing.

Maybe it would even be okay to pursue it? Once he got to know them better, of course, and only if Fresh Cut Grass seemed comfortable with it.

Still, it was nice to be breaking free from his usual mold.

With his feelings a bit better sorted Joe grabbed the box, and with a deep breath to steady himself, went back out to reconvene with his newest little crush.

[ecstilson-blog]

Throughout my life, I’ve written letters, addressed them to God, and dropped them off at the post office. I did this when my first son died, when I got divorced, and when I finally attained my bachelor’s degree after being a single mom. I never included a return address or a clue to my identity. This was just my message in a bottle, so I felt like Heaven heard me…

Today, I thought about this at the pharmacy. Mike had tried getting my prescription, but there are national shortages on many medications—and mine are some of them. “They ran out,” Mike said, coming back to the car. “Sorry that took forever; there’s a huge line.”

“But… my oncologist called yesterday. They have just enough for 18 days.” And then I did something I rarely do in front of Mike; I cried.

We walked back into the pharmacy to see six people in line, and as we stood there, my right leg began to shake. “You should go sit down.”

“It’s okay,” I told Mike. “I don’t wanna miss when it’s our turn.” They hadn’t listened to him. Maybe they would listen to me.

At different points, each person in front of us glanced back. They all seemed around my age (40) or younger, healthy, probably doing some Christmas shopping. Then, I had the audacity to think, “Why don’t they offer to let us go ahead? Mike was just in here. And I can barely stand this long.”

One man in line called his mother and complained while we waited. “Hi, Mom.” He paused. “Yes. Just at the pharmacy. There’s a huge line.” Another pause as he glanced back, listening to her reply. “Right?! He said he can’t even face his friends unless he gets a new gaming system this year.” He exhaled with such force that I clocked it at 50 mph. “Oh! And you know I take Nicki on a shopping spree every year? It just never seems to be enough. I hate this time of year. Are all women that needy? No wonder men joke about marriage.”

Mike looked at me and smirked. I plastered a smile onto my face, but it felt subpar. I thought of this woman, “Nicki.” Meanwhile I’m just praying for another week, another day, another moment with my family.

After a bit longer, they called us up and my leg shook so badly that I held the counter in a death grip. “I have terminal cancer,” I said, my eyes pleading with the pharmacist and my knuckles turning Porcelain 10.

“It’s for Magagna, right?” He looked at Mike, remembering him from earlier.

“My oncologist called yesterday and said you have enough for 18 days,” I begged.

“But like I told your husband, we can’t fill this for the full 30 days. We don’t have enough for this prescription.”

“My doctors’ office is closed for the weekend, and I’ll be out of this tomorrow. If it’s not too much to ask, can I please have the 18 days?”

He typed something into the computer, and my breath stopped. He practically held my life in his hands. “This’ll take about 15 minutes. I’ll come get you when it’s ready? You can take a seat over there.”

I noticed then how stressed the pharmacist looked. “I’m sorry about the line,” I suddenly said. “This must be a stressful day for you too. Thank you for your help.”

His peered at me and Mike, his eyes widening with disbelief. “What you're both going through is so much worse. I’m sorry you have cancer.”

“Well, let’s just say I didn’t ask for it.” I tried to laugh, but it came out like a hiccup. Then I turned away.

Mike decided to shop for some ice melt, and as I walked toward the chairs, I fought falling into the throes of irony. A private corner seat, behind a display of reading glasses, seemed ideal. I felt secluded as I mulled my thoughts. Why had this hit me so hard? Then it came to me, the thing I’d said to the pharmacist: “Let’s just say I didn’t ask for it.”

One of the hardest things about cancer is knowing it can affect anyone. I’d gone from participating in marathons to barely being able to walk to my mailbox. I faced the pharmacy’s northwestern wall and tears flooded my cheeks. I have terminal cancer. And there’s no denying it. Every moment in pain is a reminder.

God, not this! Not here. Wiping my face with my scarf, I dug a medical bill from my purse and flipped it over. “Dear God,” I wrote, hoping to calm down.

Dear God,

I didn’t choose this situation, and right now that’s hard. I don’t want to have terminal cancer anymore. I want a day where I don’t feel sick at all. Even ONE day. Just to remember what that was like. I’ll appreciate it so much. God. I feel trapped in my own dying body.

I hate knowing that without certain medicine I’ll die. I hate that these are my fears while some man’s wife is upset that she won’t get as much STUFF as she did last Christmas. Seriously?! I need strength. Strength to stop judging people.

Strength to keep getting cancer treatments. Strength to not complain and let this turn me into a bitter person with a curdled soul. No one can uncurdle milk! (Well, I guess YOU can.) But anyway…

Another person called last week and said I should quit getting treatments because I don’t have a quality of life. I laughed at first, but on my hardest days, I remember their words and it’s hard to keep going.

God… I’m sorry to be so judgmental. I really am. I’m working on it.

AND… if it’s not too much to ask, can you please give me strength? I know you’re gettin’ a lot of requests though, so if you can’t, I understand.

-Elisa

—

At that moment, I glanced toward the counter and spotted a woman who looked 10,000 times worse than me. She’d lost her hair and probably weighed 100 pounds—even with her walker. She could barely walk and hunched so badly; I wanted to pick her up in my arms and hold her tight. Why hadn’t I looked back when I was in line? Why hadn’t I offered to trade HER places? Screw my aching hips and shaking leg. Why hadn’t “I” done more? Then the answer came: Because I was too wrapped up in my own problems. And that’s exactly why other people hadn’t offered to help me…

Woah. Mind blown…

I suddenly felt sympathy for the man whose family always wants more. I felt bad for his wife who doesn’t know what really matters. I felt even more compassion for the pharmacist who’d just been yelled at and wiped sweat from his brow. And I felt a bit of strength come with every second that I stopped focusing on myself.

“You wanted to swing by the post office?” Mike asked as we walked out of the store.

I looked at the letter I’d written on a medical bill. It simply had my first and last name above all of the numbers. For the first time, I’d broken my one rule: to never write a letter to God that included personal information. “No, it’s all right. We can just go straight home,” I said.

With one hand, I crumpled the bill and threw it into a big garbage can at the front of the store. God had already answered my prayer. He’d given me strength AND empathy. I guess He really can hear us anywhere, even in a pharmacy in southeastern Idaho. Plus, He didn’t charge for same-day delivery or anythin’.

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