#like I would love to read him as a gnc trans man too

[llycaons]

torn bc it’s nice to see genderfluid characters in fic and I do love gnc content but I feel like making the often-feminized bottom of a bl series call himself a wife and mom is really...loaded...esp when he’s a chinese character and white people are writing him and people already draw or write him as all dainty and tiny next to his massive hulking top like....there’s context here this isn’t just coming from nowhere

[gnomewithalaptop]

I'm still too distracted to write so here have a list of YJ-cast centric fics that make me froth at the mouth

Kon-centric recs:

I Want It That Way (1990s Tim/Kon) by WynterSky / @wynterstars -- A revamped, 90s-style Superboy origin story with added Lex Luthor AND a lil bit of 90s Robin for spice and flavor. Honestly, this whole series is so elite -- goes hard with the Superboy mythos + angst PLUS the third fic leans hard into the secret identity shenanigans in a way that'd make Miraculous Ladybug jealous. The first fic splits its attention between Tim and Kon, but the latter two are solidly Kon-centric

one plus one (easy math) by connerdrakewayne / @comphetkoncass -- Cassandra Cain and Kon go to a gala together. I'm always a sucker for a good Cass + Kon friendship. This one's very short and sweet, and it gets the job done -- 10/10 would read again

a timeline can be a haunted house by connerdrakewayne -- post-universal reset Kon angst + terrible coping mechanisms! This one goes so hard I read it three times. Tbh this author has an excellent handle on Kon as a character in general, so I honestly recommend just checking out their whole fic stash

Tim-centric recs:

Top 10 Secret Identity Fails by @havendance -- Tim's new English teacher is his on-again-off-again superhero teamup Helena Bertinelli (aka the Huntress). This one's just fun, okay -- the whole thing reads like it could be straight out of Tim's 1993 solo run, plus I love the dynamic between him and Helena. Overall just a very cool vibe

only the dead stay 17 forever by Sky_Dust (couldn't find their tumblr sorry) -- Listen, I've really been restraining myself here, because I realize my love for time-travel bullshit is not universal, but I genuinely couldn't not include this one. This bad boy is a Tim-centric time-loop featuring a seriously unhinged Tim -- definitely a darker tone, but I can't stop rereading it

Bart-centric recs:

reflections on respawning: a gamer's uncertainty by merils / @mamawasatesttube -- Bart has a hard conversation about his death and subsequent resurrection (feat. Kon) man, I just vibe with this one so hard. It's such a thoughtful take on Bart's more contemplative side, while still managing to keep his personality intact

the backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begun by @kermit-coded -- trans/gnc impulse my beloved <3 also we get some funky Max & Bart bonding, made much rawer and more real by the fact that it's the 90s and nobody knows what they're doing. Again, feels like it's straight out of Bart's solo series

Cassie-centric recs:

you and I, we are more than just this armor by @suzukiblu -- KonCassie bonding + gender feels. They're both so trans in this, and the author does a great job of really digging deep into their complicated feelings (both about gender and about each other)

(also PLEASE somebody give me more Cassie-centric fic recs I'm literally begging you)

Team recs

I'm all yours but you're all mine by suzukiblu -- Poly Core 4 Soulmates AU! Essentially, everybody gets their 'soulmark'/soulmate-identifier (not really, but the best word) right when Kon wakes up in his pod, and because Superboy hasn't really made his big splash yet, they misidentify their soulmate as Superman; this is an issue mainly because 1) they're all 14-15 and Superman is roughly 30-ish, and 2) by the time this fic takes place, Superman is pretty verifiably dead. Currently in-progress, but this is such an interesting and fun take on the usual soulmates trope. I pinky promise you won't regret reading it

Love, Not Loved series by @popsunner -- hoooomygod this series makes me cry literally every time I read it, it's genuinely one of the most realistic representations of grief I've seen on AO3. Basically explores the general fucked-up-edness of pretty much the whole YJ Core 4 Squad dying one by one, with each fic focusing on a different funeral (complete with survivor's guilt, regular guilt, and just plain old complicated feelings). We get Cassie feels, we get Tim feels, we get Bart + Kon feels -- it's the whole shebang. Don't worry -- there's a happy ending eventually, but you def gotta work for it. This series beat me up and stole my lunch money and I'd happily do it all over again

Lost the Last Piece of Me by InsaneTrollLogic / @last01standing -- YJ Core 4 Animorphs AU! I'm sad to say I've never read the original Animorphs series, but every single Animorphs AU I've ever read has been such high quality. Unsurprisingly (I love this author, okay), this fic is no exception to that rule. Solid alien-invasion plot, character driven, and the world-building is explained well enough that even a newbie like me can understand (feat. some TimKon, but it's not the main focus)

Ikonoclast by anantipodean (couldn't find a tumblr) -- Tim and Kon get sent to an alternate reality that's almost (but not quite) like their own. This one's just fun for me -- I love the TimBart buildup and the worldbuilding on the other Earth is a funky time. Also, the other universe's Tim is goth and absolutely cannot stand mainstream-reality Tim, and I find that extremely funny for some reason

[plaidos]

Reading all these posts and info from people discussing their own experience made me want to talk about mine (2 different experiences)

I dated a trans man for 5 years and it was the most emotionally and verbally abusive relationship I ever had. I was sexually victimized and yelled at regularly by him and in the vicinity of others, but nobody ever did anything to help me or protect me. Most every other person in our social lives drafted me into being a loyal caregiver/crisis manager because I "should be empathetic for his experience" because he had a narcissistic mom and uncontrolled BPD symptoms and because I was the person he let get closest. His "off glances" from strangers at the grocery store would trigger massive meltdowns where he'd more or less force me to mother him through his anger, but whenever I'd express that I felt dysphoric or unwelcome or fawned over in weird ways, especially in places that were dominated by AFAB experiences he would belittle and gaslight my feelings and claim I was "too sensitive" and trans men had it just as hard.

My experiences and my trauma were second to his, he demonized and shamed me for enjoying aspects of ageplay in kink because he was mortified that it would reflect badly on him would it come out that he was dating a nasty age player (even tho when he wanted to he would get what he wanted out of the kink himself).

When I finally had enough and broke it off he spread rumors about me to mutual friends that I was sexually victimizing him and that I had "tricked" him into a threesome with a mutual friend (surprise surprise the guy who coercively raped me is lying about sexual experiences).

(1/2)

(continuation of prev ask) This one would be way too long if I didn't make it short so. I polyamorously dated an AFAB agender lesbian for two years who tongue-in-cheek claimed to be "a chaser" because they "identified so strongly with the trans female experience". Even though we were dating, they would act disgusted or put off any time I would make a (gentle) move on them, even if it was something as simple as holding hands, and claim I was "moving too fast"; but then would turn around and come on to me so strong out of nowhere and basically expect me to snap to with no warning. Emotional intimacy too, was treated this way. I am not a massively romantic person, but even when I tried to seek out platonic kinds of comfort in them they would insult me for it. They identified as transmasc/GNC, but whenever it benefitted them, they would slip back into gender-conforming femininity like a comforting shroud while diminishing or dismissing my own experiences of gender or of feeling uncomfortable around their friends (all cisgender straight people lmao). Whenever I experienced traumatic flashbacks or needed support from them, they would criticize me for being "too needy". When we were in public they would get angry if I acted like we were together even in minor implications (like "oh we did that together" type language). When I expressed that I was annoyed that they repeatedly refused to communicate with me and routinely prioritized shitty cisgender men in their life (one who was an ACTUAL pedophile I learned) they would roast me via 10s of paragraphs in text of how "emotionally immature" I was and how I was acting "entitled to certain treatment from them". There was no love, there was no acknowledgement of my pain and my history, there was no acceptance of my femininity as a part of myself. I felt like I was treated like a toy. I felt like I was treated like a woman only nominally, and then I was treated like an intruder or a rabid animal when it suited their narrative. (2/2)

anon, this rings so true with my experiences dating similar people. i am so sorry that this happened to you, and that it it a common trend within transfems' dating experiences. the majority of my transfem friends who have dated TME people within the community have expressed similar experiences, and i have similar experiences too, like being coerced into topping/domming because that's what they "expect" from a 6ft tranny.

I'm so sorry.

to the TME people of the trans community: do better. this is not a coincidence, this is happening to trans women all across the trans community all the time. it could be happening to your friends, and you haven't realised it because of how normalised it is. you could even be treating YOUR transfem girlfriend this way.

it needs to stop.

[vanana-r0tat3]

some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

[up-in-flames-writing]

This is an old Twitter thread I'm posting here as an archive, when I eventually get banned on there for not tolerating transphobic abuse against me.

Still pretty relevant tho, even tho it was written almost a year & a half ago.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do alt text, so here is the image ID under the cut:

[Image ID: A Twitter thread made by user Booker-Garet Feniks @abookandabun. The thread reads:

So, lately, I've been seeing some Takes™ on transition on here, & as a transman who looks like a baby butch lesbian, I have some Thoughts™, so here's a thread

First thing's first: I am short. I am skinny (read: underweight), & curvy. I have a more or less conventional hourglass figure. I also have a soft face, big lips & big eyes with long lashes. I keep my nails long & my hair long & when I cut them, they grow back fast

By all means, if I were a woman, I would be, if not conventionally attractive, at least conventionally feminine, with my small waist, wide hips, my long legs, & even my tiny tits. Despite this, I dress masculine. I hold myself like a man, I deepen my voice

My voice is naturally a bit deep, but not deep enough for there to be any ambiguity about what's in my pants. I still speak in a fake, deep voice, & when I introduce myself, I do it with a grin & tell everyone very openly 'my name is Booker-Garet'

Despite this, I do not pass. I am constantly Miss'ed & Ma'am'ed when I'm out & about. People who know me need to be told that I'm a man & go by he/him pronouns. Imagine that, imagine calling a teenage boy with an unambiguous male name 'she'. Imagine how I feel

How I feel when none of my efforts matter. How, when I'm at my most masculine while pre-op & pre-T, people see meas nothing more than a girl. It's distressing. I know what they're thinking, that I'm a tomboy or a lesbian. If they recognise that I'm trans, they don't show it

And, I feel like it's easy to get mad at GNC women. It's easy to get mad at the tomboys & the butches & the studs. 'They think I'm you' you might think. 'You're too visible & I'm not, & they think I'm you.'

I find it easy to blame a lot of ciswomen for this. The ones who tell me I should've just stayed a lesbian (which I never was), that I should've just been a tomboy (which I was), that I'm a traitor to womanhood (so be it). It is easy to get mad at them

It's hard being a trans guy, when the only pieces of masculinity coming from a female person people are aware of are the ones who are women, who stay women & who love being women. I didn't love being a woman. I love women, I love my cis & trans sisters

But I can't help feeling bitter when they perform masculinity & no one denies their womanhood, no one on the right side of history. But I can be my most manly self & even my allies feel that I'd just be better off as a lesbian, as a masculine woman.

As if masculinity is alright, is safe, as long as you're a woman who performs it, but the moment you're a man performing masculinity, you're not worth the time, the effort, the brain power.

Almost as I'd it's easier for people to accept me as a masculine woman, with my deep voice & my masculine name, than admit to the fact that I am a man

It's hard to admit that you don't pass. It's hard to admit that I'm not a 'real man', whatever that means. It's not, however, hard to admit that I don't have privilege. It's not hard to admit that I face misogyny.

It's not hard to admit that if you're AFAB & masc presenting, nothing short of a Thor voice & a Gandalf beard, & body hair like a gorilla will make people see you as anything but a woman. Because if I don't say this, who else will? I can't let people live a lie

I can't let people keep on believing that 'transmascs have it easier', that it's easier for us to pass. I can't let people keep believing that we 'run away from womanhood to have male privilege'. Where's my male privilege, Joanne? Did it get lost in the Owl Mail?

People will keep on believing that we have it easier, that we don't face discrimination, that we don't get misgendered & assaulted & killed. They will keep believing that, & they will keep ignoring us & our oppression, unless someone finally says 'Enough!' & tells their story

& I'm a good story teller, so I'm telling you. I don't pass, I wish I did, but I don't. Many of my brothers do not pass. Stop ignoring us just because you think we have it 'easier'. We don't, & your inaction is allowing us to get killed. Do better

End image ID]

[runawaymun]

Hey, I'm really sorry if this ask comes across as hostile, but due to recent experiences with another Tolkien fan, I do feel like I need to ask. In the tags of a recent post you reblogged, you mentioned being Christian. I know that there are many Christians who are kind, loving people who embrace the queer community, including trans people. But unfortunately, I also know there are a lot of Christians who don't. I would prefer to not follow someone who thinks I and people like me are evil simply because of who we are, or who try to pull that 'love the sinner hate the sin' crap. I am not saying that you are one of those people, but I have unfortunately encountered enough of those types of Christians (even in fandom spaces) that when someone says they are Christian, it makes me nervous. I understand my own religious trauma is my issue and I need to work through it, but I would still like to know how you feel about the queer community, as I greatly enjoy your fic and art and would like to continue enjoying your fic and art. Obviously you don't have to answer this ask and regardless of your answer you shouldn't be attacked. Sorry for rambling and I hope have a good day.

Hi there!

No I really appreciate the ask and I get it. I am glad you’re taking initiative to keep yourself safe and curate your online experience. I have a huge boatload of religious trauma myself from my upbringing so when I say I completely understand, please know that I really do.

I’m openly GNC bisexual myself & a trans & nb ally and a member of the queer community who writes a lot of ragingly gay fanfic and l am also a member of the Christian faith. I grew up raised extremely evangelical and am not anymore. I just read the Book, do my own religious practice, believe in God, and try to be active in the little Lutheran church I sometimes attend because Church community is important to me and I’m fortunate to have finally found a church community that is both a safe place for me as an openly queer person & also has sound doctrine and theology. It was a long road to finding one because I’m not willing to compromise on either of those lol.

I spent a long, long time decompressing from my upbringing and unpacking my religious trauma (therapy!!), and came to the conclusion from studying the book & long prayer & discussion with other queer Christians that God Is Not Small. The Church’s historical and current hatred toward queerness is a manufactured product of Man, not God. I’ve spent years studying all of the classic “bludgeoning passages” that are brought up to go “see!!!!!!! See the Bible says it’s a sin!!!!!!!” And found through linguistic study and intersectional doctrine that, actually, no those passages have nothing to do with people in consensual, healthy, committed queer relationships. The Bible has nothing to say about trans people or enby people either. It has a lot to say about how we are all unique and diverse and made imago dei, that we are loved — and that is the truest thing about us. Again: God is not small. God does not have a gender. The Bible even makes references to God having a womb in some poetry and prophecy chapters (metaphorically, but the point being that God is not “male”). Jesus never married. Paul was arguably ace. Jesus healed a gay centurion’s boyfriend and told him “go in peace”.

Sorry, I’m rambling too!!! TLDR: I am a proud member of the queer community and I am Christian and I don’t believe those things are antithetical. I’ve experienced a lot of pain at the hands of Christians, but never from the hands of God — only love and comfort. And I am fortunate and extremely grateful to finally have friends and a church community who strive for Christlike behavior and agree with me that God Is Not Small, and that God’s love is infinite and diverse. We’re made imago dei— so why should we be any different? 🫶

Hope this helps clarify and again I appreciate the ask. I really wish you well on your healing journey with your religious trauma and whatever that looks like for you. I hope you have peace 💕 and if you ever want a friend who Gets It I’m happy to chat and I’m here 💕

[splatoon-edits]

I'm of the assumption that you're a Shiver fan do you wanna explain some HCs or reasons you like her?👂👂 I'm interested (I like her too 😋)

oh boy. do you even know what you've done? I am going to talk about this blue creature SO MUCH!!!!! (no but fr thank you for enabling me to talk about one of my fav characters!!!)

I'm just gonna be rambling with no general direction, so i apologize if this gets a smidge confusing..... Everything else will be under a read more since i don't want this post to make it hard to scroll through my blog if it gets too long.

so.. Splat 3 was my first game in the series. I knew about the other splatoon games obviously, and i was eagerly awaiting splatoon 3 since by the time i got a switch it would have been a waste to buy splat 2. So i went into splatoon 3 with very minimal knowledge of the characters/setting.

But when i saw Shiver in the Deep Cut announcement trailer??? It was love at first sight. Blue is my favorite color and the swag Shiver has is off the charts. Plus the hype around a potentially nonbinary character?? And imma be honest, i'm a sucker for smug characters. Especially the ones who are secretly failures. It's just one of my fav tropes.

So in short: Shiver was a character who had a lot of appeal for me in the beginning. But slowly over time as i came to learn more about her and the rest of Deep Cut, i came to appreciate them even more in new ways. Shiver is smug, sarcastic, and can come off as mean or over the top. But she is also silly, quirky, and has a lot of love in her heart for others. She cares about Frye, Bug Man, and all of Splatsville. She says silly things that don't make sense. She likes puns. She takes the time to listen to Sheldon's rambles. She is so much more than what you see on the surface. And it can be so easy to see her teasing her bandmates and assume she is mean or cold hearted. But she genuinely is such a fun character!!!!

Her grace, her gnc swag, her cringefail aura, everything about her makes her an amazing character.

And now, for some headcanons in no particular order:

I kinda see Shivers gender as "whatever is funniest/best in the moment. Commit to the bit of genders. But if i had to pick one thing to headcanon them as it would be pangender or maybe genderfluid. Uses all pronouns plus some shark themed neos like bite/biteself and fin/finself and anything else like that. Im gonna be mostly sticking to she/her and they/them for this post just cuz i think that's what people will be most used to. But really any gender hc for Shiver is correct in my head. MTF? Correct. Nonbinary? Correct. FTM? Correct. Genderfluid? Correct/ Bigender? Correct. Anything and anything goes an i love seeing everyone's takes on it!

I'm gonna go ahead and say trans woman Shiver has a special place in my heart. I just feel like i never see anyone hc this but i also feel like it works?? Idk... The same can be said for genderfluid Shiver. I myself am genderfluid so i rlly like that hc!

Mayhaps has a touch of the tism. (me too) I just feel like she doesn't read social cues well. Can mask really well but doesn't do it around Frye and Big Man for the most part. I think all of Deep Cut is autistic tbh. With Frye having ADHD as well. (ME TOO)

I'm caught between the headcanons of "secretly rlly strong cuz of archery" and "lowkey weak cuz it would be funny to contrast w Frye being strong". But i lean more on the side of both of them being strong. Just Frye having more obvious muscles. But if you look at Shiver she def if strong. And graceful. Like a predator built for ambush or stalking. She moves with purpose. Ya know what i mean? Like she seems very graceful and delicate at first but that is NOT the case.

I gotta be careful or this will turn into general Deep Cut hcs cuz i wanna talk about Big Man and Frye as well lol

Loses her temper easily. Can be petty when things don't go her way.

Master Mega is very special to them. She spent a lot of time with him when she was younger and her parents were busy.

Shiver whistles a lot as a stim/just for fun.

Big Man and Frye are the best hype men ever for Shiver. There are certain points in the game where she says absolute nonsense but those two are right there to back her up. They also don't understand what he's saying, but they are gonna act as if it's the smartest thing ever. Shiver thinks she is the coolest thing ever and those two only enable her. (dw. every once in a while they knock her down a peg by returning her teasing)

Shiver is the type of person to spend 30 minutes making her food look pretty before she serves it. It has to look good or else.

Is a decent cook. Frye likes to steal bits of food from whatever she is working on so Shiver will playfully smack her with her fan and shoo her out of the kitchen.

Is very proud of her singing. She worked very hard to get it as perfect as it is.

Probably used to have a violent streak in middle school, would bite people. Has since learned to control her anger better.

Very confident. Isn't afraid of things like public speaking.

Gets annoyed easily when overstimulated. Sometimes snaps at people when the environment is too noisy/bright or if she is tired. Tries to apologizes afterwards.

Speaking of apologies, she is the type of person to do something nice for you or get you food/a present for you rather tha admit she is wrong. Is embarrassed easily and instead prefers wordless apologies.

Is flustered easily. One of the ways to easily make her lose her cool is to do anything remotely flirty or to bring up something embarrassing she did in the past.

I could probably ramble more but it's LATE and i should head to bed. Thank you so much for the ask!!!! I had a fun time talking about my favorite blue goofball. <3

[conceptofjoy]

i think trans striders r an interesting concept since both striders have a weird relationship with gender and the guys n gals in their lives (esp dirk).

dirk's like... i feel like he listens to women almost to the point of condescension?? (insane sentence give me a sec) he was always neurotic about being in control and within the lens of hypermasculinity its pretty off putting the way he makes it so he has the last say (or twists what others say) despite 'listening' to them. "i know what's best and while i respect your opinion i will not do that" he doesnt give people the chance to take accountability for their own actions, always shouldering the blame like they dont have agency. dude feels pathetically guilty about not being able to reciprocate roxy's advances and equates it to a moral failing on his part. u know those transmascs that do misogyny or perpetuate toxic masculinity, trying to 'make up' for their transness. its giving that.

i think theres also a case to be made for transfem dirk. theres the obvious transgirls in stem + mlp thing going on but also caliborn was a pretty blatant misogynist foil to him. caliborn representing the type of guy he's stereotypically supposed to be but not being like that at all. partially because he's not a guy.

i read dave as transfem or gnc, something that he would come to terms with after the game. he would get closure with dirk, getting the memo that dirk, was in fact a gay man, and he would put it into perspective the hypermasculine freak shit his bro did. would have loved to read the ensuing 'mspa reader breakdown' that ensued. bro trying to mold him into the knight (another symbol of masculinity) so he can be the dirk of his friend group. nah m8 dave of transexuality seems better. I could see transmasc dave to an extent, dave feeling like he fails at 'being a man' growing up despite not needing to do all that garbage. ironic asf too if bro is also transmasc OR if he was a girl and in denial.

[nedlittle]

genuine question: what is wrong with the peyton beachdeath lma trans thread? I know…too much about peyton himself so we don’t need to revisit that, but i’d love to see you rip into some shoddy scholarship and ways to (mis)understand historical queerness

oh god...

i mean aside from people taking the word of a notorious clout-chasing liar and conspiracy theorist at face value...peyton just doesn't understand or even really care about history when it does not directly benefit him. full disclosure i have not read the thread since it was first posted but it is burned into my memory unfortunately, i also don't know a lot about lma as a historical figure

aside from cherry picking quotes from lma's diaries there were no actual sources. nothing from her biographers, no secondary scholarship at all. it was just peyton presenting quotes purposefully stripped of their context in order to further a point that he wanted to be right.

this should be like. queer history for pre-schoolers but people in the past who were or may have been queer understood themselves and their queerness differently than people do today. peyton is incapable of looking at queerness outside of his very specific 21st century lens. could louisa may alcott have been a trans man? possibly! could she have also been cis and/or gnc? sure! could she have simply been writing in both her private and personal lives about how suffocating the experience of being a woman in the 19th century was? yeah. we have no way of knowing which of this could be true, and whether they overlapped at all. queer history exists in shades of possibility. in some cases (and we're going to use trans men contemporary to lma), like those of albert cashier and charley pankhurst, we can pretty definitely say that they were both men; that being a man was essential to their continued survival, that they would have wanted to be remembered as men. in other cases, it's more slippery because the taxonomy we use nowadays to classify ourselves and especially our differentiation of gender identity vs sexual acts is SO recent that it does a disservice to classify all historical queerness with it.

it's insane that there are MULTIPLE notable 19th century trans men in american history at the time lma was living and he still was like no this is not good enough for me i can only emotionally relate to something if i can force my own image onto it. that's really the problem here, not the shoddy history and the deliberately misleading language, but the fact that peyton is seemingly incapable of enjoying or relating to a piece of media or a person if he cannot find a direct comparison to his own life. he did the same oh "(x) was 100% absolutely a trans man if you tell me wrong you're transphobic" thing with katharine hepburn (iirc??) a few years back and this is a personal gripe but having read a 600+ page bio of hepburn that was very generous to several queer readings of her life: lol. lmao even. his insistence of flatting the experience of anyone with a moderately fucky gender into "you're either Like Me or your not" is so purposefully stupid.

like, do all the trans readings of little women you want! i myself made a deranged little women trans post a few weeks ago. but lma isn't a fictional character who you can apply different literary lenses to! she was a real human person whose relationship with her gender we will never fully understand because we were not there. at some point you just have to accept that it is not your business. why are you so desperate for any shred of historical representation that you are willing to exhume the dead in order to out them?

peyton relates to jo march, so he insists that reading jo as a trans man is the only (morally) correct reading. he likes little women but has to make it fit the public view of transness that he is made his personal brand. i actually followed him for longer than i'd care to admit, and it's a trend with any piece of media that he is publicly into that he has to make a character a trans man in order to relate to them.

he also has this deranged idea that any author writing with emotional depth about the """opposite sex""" must have been trans. see the article he wrote for the niche about how must have been a trans man because he gave dido's emotions and the collapse of her marriage to aeneas the same "dignified treatment as any sprawling, epic battlefield scenes." [direct quote] the article is literally called " vergil had a pussy and i'll prove it." no further comment.

one of his "proofs" is that lma was called "lou" by her family, which he then proceeds to call her for the rest of the thread. lou is....a very normal nickname for louisa both now and then. you know what else was a 19th century nickname for louisa? wheezy. imagine that same thread but he calls her wheezy alcott. thank you, good day.

[polychives]

Some extremely self indulgent queer HC for the original archives group under the cut. I go into way too much detail with them btw so be warned.

Martin: gay ftm transman, on HRT but no surgeries due to him on starting to physically transition after him mum went into age care. He/him only.

Sasha: trans woman, demi and bi. Been on HRT for a few years and has had no surgeries. She realised she was trans in her teens and swung incredibly hard into being feminine. Only just recently let herself be more comfortable with anything vaguely masculine (body hair, thick brows, upper lip fuzz, etc.) and is loving it. She/her only as well.

Tim: Just identifies as queer. He doesn't really know his sexuality outside of “he likes who he likes” and would define his gender as “whatever the fuck.” If he did put labels on it, he'd probably be pansexual and genderqueer, but he's very happy undefined. Also likes drag in his past time. He/him but she/her and they/them during drag or from certain close friends.

Jon: Bi ace obviously. I am, however, torn between afab and amab Jon. If he was ftm I think he would have transitioned very early on and is where he wants to be with their transition. Top surgery, HRT, and some other stuff.

On the other hand, I can more easily imagine amab Jon who assumes he's 100% cis during TMA with how he is written. He'd spend most of his life vaguely aware of trans people, but one day had a sort of 'Oh' moment perhaps when Tim was showing off his drag and went down a painful spiral of gender questioning. Coming out on the end of it realising they might not be very cis. Either way, he/they transmasc/non-binary Jon supremecy.

Cursed bonus:

Jonah Magnus: Gay homophobic man. I read one fanfiction that Jonah was trans in his original life and that has buried itself into my skull and will never leave me alone against my wishes. However, every body since his first has been cis male. Absolutely not an ally and has never done anything for any gay person except for himself. Probably one of those shitty people who thinks gnc queer people are ‘pushing it’ or something. Has called people slurs as insults.

[belfrygargoyles]

*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you’re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.

[volfoss]

be real with me. should i read one piece.

On one hand, yes bc I am rly enjoying it and it is one of the best shonens I've ever read. You do have to get past the ugly art (you do get used to it semi early on if thats any condolence) and how the women r drawn well. In a way lmao. I'm only 250 or so chapters in so like my thoughts may change in the future but rn it's smth where I would say yes however I do kinda wanna like give you heads up on a few things that are worth knowing before you start under the cut, discussions of some transmisogynistic content under the cut

So I haven't hit this arc yet (from what I know it starts at ch 523), but there's an arc that basically um. Fits a fair amt of really bad tropes. I'm going to direct you to this WordPress blog that is run by a trans woman and she talks about it in depth (more than I can rn as I haven't gotten there yet) and why it's um. Handled in a pretty bad way. There's also a character that's relatively similar (although tamer in terms of how he is handled) earlier on (introduced ch 129) that is clearly a sort of gender unclear character? And honestly this character could be handled worse and also better but it's also not as bad from what I understand of the latter portrayals of ppl that are GNC. One piece however does get better w trans characters and two of them are handled well (from what I understand) although they got introduced I believe in the 800s or 900s in terms of chapters. But what makes the earlier GNC rep worse is that like. One of the fan favorite characters comes out pretty transphobic towards these characters and in general so it's a heads up I feel is necessary to give (learning this initially made me go um :/ about one piece so it's smth that I do want to give a heads up on)

There's also the rly shitty archetype of man being creepy 2 women who are not interested who coincidentally is ALSO the transphobic character. So like giving u a heads up on that bc its played as a joke but it can be taken a bit too far sometimes and can be uncomfortable. The character does show up pretty early (ch 43) and is a part of the main crew so you do have to deal w him being like *that* pretty often bc it's literally towards any woman he sees.

Onto other things however, there's genuinely a lot of good in it. The women are the best written women I've ever seen in shonen (esp comparing to Naruto and jjba) and that's in spite of the um. Proportions (the post about the author drawing women literally like o><= is pretty famous so p sure you know what I'm talking about). The plot is genuinely very fun and the characters are all well written as well as their relationships and friendships. I genuinely like haven't read anything like this in terms of how genuinely all of the characters in the main group are paid attention to and not ignored in terms of their development. It's the big obstacle of getting over how the art can look at times and how the women in particular are drawn (it starts out not being too bad but like this pic was from maybe ch 180 or so)

^ the proportions are um. So in a way for sure. But I say all of this to say that I think the length and art are pretty daunting of like oh god there's over 1000 chapters/100 volumes but imo like if you're interested in it, it's worth it. If you are like interested in a certain character (ie nami. You would LOVE nami everyone should love nami) I think it's worth it to read to their backstory or to the end of their arc if they're a minor character. Imo if you wanna give it a solid shot, I'd give it at least until like 20 chapters in? If you're invested in nami and wanna stop after her backstory (very emotional will destroy u etc), that's ch 95. I think it is genuinely very good but there r also the issues and problems and stuff! I hope this very long winded post answered your question and if u need more details on stuff I'm here :)

[bungoustraypups]

For the character headcanons thing...

Edgar Allan Poe and Chuuya Nakahara from BSD?

still accepting!

edgar allan poe

1: sexuality headcanon: gay asexual trans man (afab)!

2: otp: ranpoe

3: brotp: poe and louisa!! anxiety buddies who write

4: notp: poe/women bc of the headcanon mostly but i cant think of anything else i wouldnt read or look at on principle, i just really only care deeply for ranpoe so that's the content i actively seek/make

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: he calls karl his and ranpo's oldest child and if anyone insinuates karl doesn't count as one of their kids he gasps in offense and covers karl's ears

6: one way in which I relate to this character: we are both very autistic. it's canon tbh look at him!!! he and ranpo are both autistic

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: honey everyone except you knows you and ranpo arent just bros... its ok you dont have to hide <3 8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: fucking cinnamon roll

chuuya nakahara my fucking beloved

1: sexuality headcanon: i legit just wrote this out earlier for something else lmao but! afab non-binary trans man, hoards genders that aren't feminine in nature (FIN) or linked to being a woman/girl/female/feminine in any way, also takes pride in being GNC af; gay demisexual/demiromantic

2: otp: soukoku. im hopeless

3: brotp: chuuya n michizou (tachihara)! i think they vibe

4: notp: chuuya/women, i heavily dislike chuuya/atsushi and chuuya/ryuunosuke but the latter less so, honestly i probably won't look at much content involving a romantic chuuya ship that isn't either chuuya/oc or just plain soukoku lmao. the other ships aren't bad! just my preference

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: he and kouyou are biological half-siblings thru their bio mom whom chuuya never knew bc she sold him to be a government vessel when he was born :) his bio dad had no knowledge of this btw, and still searches for him

6: one way in which I relate to this character: only gets incredibly angry/reckless when provoked! we do be like that. also i kin him so there's other things too lmao but

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: chuuya. if you really wanted dazai dead youve had at least eleventy different opportunities to make that happen aaaand you took 0 of them. so what is the truth 8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: he's not really either he's more like, the only reason he's a "problematic" fave would be due to the whole mafia thing but i mean. that's minor in bsd-world. he's more of the "talk shit get hit" type and i respect that so he's just a cool dude fave. as much as i love him he sure as hell is not a cinnamon roll uwu baby but that's what i like about him lmao

[ronpatrash]

You still doing that character ask thing?

If you are, since you did Kage, I would love if you did his counterpart Shuichi too. Love them both. If you aren't though; I get it.

I love your art btw, and your answers to asks (esp. about DR). Your rb's have also helped me found some other nice DR art.

Also, I saw an answer how you just want to get anyway from all discourse in the DR fandom, and you already got enough of that in the HxH fandom, and I totally feel you (esp. since I am in both in the HxH and DR fandoms and a fan of both). HxH discourse usually involves ships or morality in my experience, which can just be oh my. I do try to avoid discourse though, and I still love both fandoms, but still, sometimes stuff can be oh my.

Anyways, gorgeous collabs with onebizarrekai (I love their stuff too).

Both you and onebizarrekai(with your art, and in onebizarrekai's case their fics too) have made me really love Kagehara (I already loved pregame Shuichi, but I love even more now), and now I like Kageshu (Which, people might think I am weird to ship, but I don't care, I like it now. And I an utmv/undertale multiverse fan and shipper, I am already deep in this kind of stuff).

K, done. Sorry how long this ask was, and that it was less an ask and more me just rambling a lot.

OH BOY thanks for the ask!! :D Lemme answer with Shu headcanons first and put like the rest of this in a read more

Sexuality Headcanon: ever since i saw that love hotel scene with kaito i was like damn....this dude bi as fuck

Gender Headcanon: trans man/gnc!!

A ship I have with said character: saimota is a big one for me, and saimomoharu by extension! saimatsu and saimaki are also really sweet ;w; and of course kageshu, the dumpster fire of chaos and sweet tension

A BROTP I have with said character: probably himiko or kirumi? I hadn't given it very much thought, but he could befriend a lot of the v3 cast! I also love the idea that he and kyoko would be great detective partners

A NOTP I have with said character: none really! i think good fanart can sway my opinion easily

A random headcanon: I think he'd be one to cut his own hair short to maintain its length, especially on the back, and keeping his bangs long to hide his face in front

General Opinion over said character: dude i love him so much that i may drop 200 bucks on a figure of him if they ever make one...he's a good boy who had to fight so hard against his own feelings and come to terms with the truth so he could keep everyone else alive ;-;

and oh boy yeah hxh fandom discourse is so stressful and ultimately kinda pointless. i feel like it wasn't as bad when i joined in early 2018 but after the tumblr nsfw purge it got worse. it kept me scared of fandom in general for a looong time and i was hesitant to make this sideblog for dr stuff too cause I feared dr fandom can get kinda heated?? if it ever gets bad for me i might just abandon ship again, it's not worth it LMAO. it's good to have a support system outside of socmed, it always helps with internet bullshit

but yeah thank you for your kind words ;w; and yES onebizarrekai's kageshu fics was what got me started on drawing kageshu too, they nail the character dynamic so well!

and keep shipping whatever you vibe with man, in the end we're all in fandom hell anyway so nothing matters but our own joy <3

[goyangii]

How did you come to identify as trans? And how did you come to the mindset to not be trans anymore and detransition?

i don't know if i've posted about it so i'll post a short summary here. (take "short" with a grain of salt as always, i can never seem to keep it short enough)

like a lot of ftms/transmacs(/tifs), i grew up sexually and physically abused (by my stepfather). in our family there were only two females (me and my mom), and we were the only ones sexually abused. my stepfather also made a point of being very misogynistic and hated me very, very much for reasons i won't elaborate on here due to length. stuff like me reading in front of him or even just being in my school uniform would make him go off, and he'd say and teach my brothers to say misogynistic things (like calling me and my mom cows, or calling us stupid, etc.)

i think this led to a desire to distance myself from female-ness for obvious reasons. i was also very much a tomboy who loved sports and didn't get along well in my all girls school (autism baybee). i had no interest in boys and that combined with being very gnc probably tipped a lot of my schoolmates off to me being ssa and i was bullied for being a dyke for years, even after transferring to a co-ed.

femininity was very foreign to me as well, and i never had an interest in makeup, "girl" clothes, shaving, etc. i identified more with boys in media, too, probs because girl characters were often The Girl Character and not just female children lmao. i was often mistaken for a boy when i had my hair cut short, in part due to how i dressed/presented, and as a boy i was treated much better. my interest in other girls was no longer gross or weird, i was considered more attractive by peers, etc. when puberty hit i, like many, felt immense discomfort. probably due to sexual trauma, the idea of being perceived as female in a sexual way was immensely, immensely disturbing to me and i hated everything about my body. i had very intense dysphoria and couldn't go anywhere without binding.

in general i think it makes sense i ended up identifying as trans tbh :")

what made me detrans was, ironically, medical transition and realizing that i could never really change sex. i could look and sound and "seem" like a man but i could never become one no matter how hard i tried. the more i passed as a man the more i realized the gap between me and men. it just became glaringly obvious to me that what i wanted wasn't possible and that the longer i tried to pretend it was the more i was hurting myself by holding myself up to an unattainable goal (being a man). i couldn't bring myself to continue taking T shots or to change my legal documents and i had to sit down and really process why, when i had wanted this my whole life.

it took 2 years to really accept it and in that time i had to work on getting to the roots of my dysphoria (internalized homophobia and misogyny, plus trauma and asd influencing how i viewed gender). i found radfem stuff around the beginning of that 2 years and it helped process a lot of the things i couldn't really square with trans ideology while i was in it.

detransition itself was easy, as far as process goes lol. i just quit T cold turkey and let my body do its own thing. the mindset/ideology was harder to quit and i'm thankful to radfem blogs for being there for me to hateread because it was immensely helpful in letting me actually critically think about what i was believing.

[t4t-lumpygrab]

Some thoughts I’ve had about lemongrab 2 in terms of defining them a bit more as a character so they’re not just a punching bag: 

-So I’m constantly thinking of the rock bandits video game where lg2 wants to join their brother’s punk band. So yes. lg2 is a rockstar to me. I like to think lg2 played bass guitar as a more supportive role that fits with their personality, and also idk, Marceline fan I think. Lg2′s favourite music is riot grrl punk I just think the themes of autonomy and the denial of autonomy and anger against injustice and gendered violence and abuse would really resonate with them bc of their experiences. They had a pretty extensive CD and tape collection and would listen to Bikini Kill and Mommy long legs in their room and try to play along. Also they would do little concerts for the lemon people and try to teach them to play instruments too. Like we see that Lemongrab 2 was supportive of lemonhope so I think they would have played music with him.

-lg2 can also play the harp and piano. But Obviously had to hide this. 

-Fashion wise Lg2 really liked to wear punky clothing and do weird makeup and dressed quite gnc. I view the white outfit as more of a uniform they have to wear or are expected to wear, but it’s not quite a representation of how they actually feel and express themselves. 

-Also Lg2 had their own room and would like... put band posters up and stuff. Also photographs taken of them and the lemon people, like imagine a tacky teenagers’ bedroom (I say as if my room doesn’t look EXACTLY like this). 

-Lemongrab 2 looooved horse riding and loved their pegasus! I think it would be cool if they entered like... competitions and stuff occassionally so they have a few trophies. Also they loved anything that had horses in it. Like those trashy horse girl movies... cowboy stuff... my little pony... loved it. Definitely had a mlp toy collection and I mean a proper extensive collection like they had toys from the 80s and stuff. Absolute horse fanatic. 

-I think lemongrab 2 should have had some friends at least. They had some cloud people friends in the cloud kingdom that they would go visit and hang out with by flying up on the pegasus. They’d go to like... cloud parties and things and come home slightly drunk and try to hide it from people because they were embarrassed. 

-Nonbinary. No biney. I think lg2 was pretty much fine with all pronouns but was uncomfortable with being read solely as a man, like the whole being made as an exact copy of their brother and expected to have the same gender and expression as him was an absolute dysphoric nightmare and they never really had a chance to explore themselves outside of that. I think lg2 like.... suspected something was up with them gender wise and then realised they were trans halfway through their lifetime but couldn’t ever come out to anyone because they were already being treated so terribly and didn’t want to show any vulnerability or risk the abuse getting worse.