#like I never understand why we have to convince ourselves we’re attractive for like confidence and self love or whatever ?

[digital999placebo]

once you accept you are mid, your quality of life will sky rocket so hard

[itsclydebitches]

Hey Clyde! Love your reviews on RWBY. My question is about Ozpin. If he survived fighting Cinder, would the events of volume 4-6 still happen? I believe the only reason team RWBYJNR treated Ozpin that way was because he was with Oscar who basically looked like a kid to them. However, if he was still in his adult body, would they have been more respectful?

Hi, anon! Thank you! I’m actually super glad you asked this. I’ve touched on how Oscar’s age and looks have impacted how others perceive Ozpin a bit in other asks, but haven’t had the chance to compose a substantial meta about it. I will attempt to fix that here! 

FYI, it’ll get decently image heavy from here on out. 

First, as a general response to the question of whether the events of Volumes 4-6 would have changed if Ozpin had survived: absolutely. If only because Ozpin as a figurehead would have still been around to lead both his inner circle and function as a symbol of strength for the rest of the world. Unless he was completely incapacitated from the fight or something (like in a coma), the expectation is that Ozpin would have begun rebuilding his school. Glynda wouldn’t have been left alone to try and deal with a frozen Wyvern attracting grimm. Ironwood wouldn’t have been left to figure out where to go from here. Qrow wouldn’t have been sent on a mission to return Ozpin’s cane. The whole world (including Atlas) may have been less likely to panic with Ozpin there to provide perspective and support. Lionheart presumably would have been less inclined to betray him, at least so soon and so overtly. An Ozpin who will reincarnate at some unknown point is a future Lionheart problem, and therefore far less intimidating. An Ozpin who still lives and commands his inner circle is way more of a threat and Lionheart would be more likely to get caught. Remember that even Salem was surprised by how quickly Ozpin reincarnated and dove back into the game—all the baddies were banking on more time. So yes, a ton would have changed. The group’s focus is now more along the lines of, “So is Ozpin going to fix things and can we go back to school?” and less, “Ozpin is dead as a door nail and no one is able to fix things for us. Might as well go hunt Cinder ourselves.” 

But onto the meat of the ask. Is the group treating Ozpin like they are at least partly because he’s in the body of a kid? That’s also a resounding ‘yes.’ Human beings, including the humans and the faunus that we write in fiction, are incredibly judgmental (for better and for worse) based on how someone else looks. If you’re able to see then you tend to prioritize that information over other aspects of a person. We create markers that we then learn and assume mean something when, much of the time, they don’t. Or, to put it another way, we create stereotypes. We can think about this in terms of gender presentation: a masculine-looking person giving orders is seen as the “boss” whereas a feminine-looking person giving orders is seen as a “bitch.” We can complicate that with race: we’re more likely to view a white woman giving orders as “assertive” when compared to a black man giving orders. That’s “aggressive.” From giving a girl long blonde hair when you want to cue people into the fact that she’s (supposedly) dumb, to making a man skinny when you want him to seem vulnerable, our media is chock-full of those markers, subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) encouraging us to read characters in particular ways. There’s a reason that Yang, the go-getter, is blonde whereas Blake, the bookworm, has black hair. There’s a reason that Cardin wasn’t designed as a twig and Jaune is a couple inches shorter than him. There’s even a reason why the sap the group collects is red rather than, say, yellow, orange, blue—literally any other color. Only red sap makes it look like Cardin is covered in blood when he attacks Jaune, thus increasing how much we read him as a threat. The characters’ designs matter. 

What does all that have to do with Ozpin? Well, at the start of the series his markers all point to authority and wisdom. He’s a white man, for one. He dresses in a formal suit. There are nods towards his age (a cane, white hair) that tell us, despite his baby face, that he’s someone who has been around a while and thus has a great deal of experience to draw on. He’s also, significantly, tall. Take a look at how his talks with Ruby read visually. 

Ruby is incredibly small compared to Ozpin. He towers above her and she’s constantly in a position of looking up to him, mirroring the ways in which she figuratively looks up to him for advice. Her mannerisms are also younger and don’t carry much confidence. Crossing her arms and sulking. Wringing her hands while asking if she’s made a mistake. The way Ruby moves contrasts Ozpin’s own very still, very composed mannerisms. Body language and facial expression is one of the primary ways that we communicate and the slightest change can carry a world of meaning. For example, compare these two shots of Yang from Volume 1 and Volume 6: 

On the surface they appear quite similar, but provided there isn’t something impacting how we read these moments (such as some people with autism), we learn that these poses mean two very different things. Two hands on your waist is a relaxed pose; one hand on your waist is an arrogant pose. At least when combined with an angry expression. One arm, the placement of her eyebrows, and suddenly Yang’s attitude towards Ozpin has radically changed. We went from casual respect to defiance, and most viewers wouldn’t need to know anything else about RWBY’s story to read that here. Her body language alone tells the story. 

Ozpin’s body language with Ruby then cues the viewer into the fact that he (supposedly) has the answers here, simply by virtue of him exuding a confidence that Ruby doesn’t possess yet. Who do you look to in a bad situation? The person screaming and running around in panic? Or the person who calmly announces that they can help, getting everyone else to calm down by keeping calm themselves? This sort of characterization is partly why the fandom grew suspicious of Ozpin early on. It’s not simply that he (on the surface) is modeled after the shady authority figure trope, but that we’ve learned from real life experience that a person’s ability to keep calm and speak eloquently doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re right. Sounding authoritative is a skill and it’s why the likes of cult leaders and dictators are so dangerous. If you just sound and look like you know what you’re doing, people have a tendency to believe you. And if you’re inclined towards critical thinking, you might be wary of the person whose demeanor is a little too polished. 

Even when Ozpin is being playful he maintains a certain level of dignity. His clothes, his physical looks, and the controlled movement of the mug—he’s not jumping around like Nora might—all remind us that Ozpin is the headmaster here and thus, though he’s making silly jokes about popcorn right now, he deserves a certain amount of respect. Even his posture speaks volumes, one arm still tucked behind his back and shoulders ramrod straight. It’s a posture that speaks of training and discipline. There’s a reason that the general (Ironwood) is always animated as standing tall with hands neatly folded and the presumably less dependable drunk (Qrow) is animated with a constantly hunched posture. How Ozpin stands is a quick and easy way to tell the viewer, “This guy is in charge. He’s powerful. He’s wise. You can rely on him.” 

All of this changes dramatically once Ozpin is thrown into Oscar’s body. Moving chronologically, it’s significant that the group is not introduced to this new Ozpin as a dignified individual. 

This is what we get later. Note the crossed legs, still good posture, even the ‘adult’ way he holds a mug. In contrast, someone younger and more childish in terms of their personality, like Ruby, tends to hold a drink with two hands and chucks it all back in a manner that would never fly at a dinner party. 

Rather than a dignified Ozpin knocking at the door, the group first encounters Oscar, someone who, like Volume 1 Ruby, can be incredibly timid and lacks in self-confidence. This isn’t the body language of a leader arriving to provide you with all the answers. 

Oscar’s slouched posture, downward gaze, wringing hands, and fearful expression all paint him as the weak one here. Made worse by the fact that he asks to see Ruby and ignites (an entirely understandable) suspicion in the group. Their first interaction is characterized by perceiving him as both a potential threat, but also one they can easily handle. We don’t like that he’s asking about Ruby, but we can take him in a fight no problem. 

And yes, this first impression makes a difference. Knowing something about someone on an intellectual level usually doesn’t trump the emotional response we have to the physical markers we’re faced with. As a non-RWBY example, let’s say you were introduced to these two characters. 

Ignoring for a moment that we’re comparing a villain and a hero, let’s say for the sake of argument that you’re told—and are provided proof—that each of these characters are morally sound, powerful adults and you should afford them with the respect they deserve. Being told that simply can’t outweigh what we see. Who are you more likely to respect? The woman who looks like a literal child named Baby Doll in a cutesy outfit, or the very old looking man in badass robes, literally named the Ancient One? All the, “But I am an adult” in the world isn’t going to convince people to read, and therefore respond to, Baby Doll in the same way they would the Ancient One. 

That’s the situation Ozpin is in now. He’s told the group that he’s Ozpin, he’s managed to prove it, but there’s always going to be a part of Ruby and the gang that doesn’t quite believe it. Not in Jaune’s literal sense of, ‘He could be lying about who he is,’ but just in a more instinctual, ‘He says he’s our headmaster, but all I see is a fourteen year old kid.’ What you see makes it really easy to ignore what you know, particularly when those two things contrast. Those markers Oscar brings to this new version of Ozpin are simply too influential and yes, that opens the door for the group to treat him with far less respect than they would in his adult form. We see it right from the start when, despite having been told that this is also Ozpin, the group coos over him in an overbearing, disrespectful manner. 

This continues even after Ozpin has taken control and is doing everything he can (those dignity markers) to regain some level of trust and respect. Even while seated and attempting to command the room as Headmaster Ozpin, Nora nevertheless undermines that with “Cute little boy Ozpin!” She has chosen to emphasize his looks over his status and notably no one listens when he says, “Please don’t call me that.”

Ozpin has, in this moment, literally been labeled as a child. A “boy.” Though we can’t be sure about what age all his hosts were when Ozpin arrived, based on Jinn’s vision it doesn’t look as if reincarnating into teenagers is common. This may even be the first time.   

Any of these past reincarnations would have been able to command more authority, simply because they’re adult men not dressed in dirty farm clothes. If this Ozpin had shown up in Haven, 

we would have gotten a very different volume. Age matters. How we perceive age matters. We saw this right in RWBY’s second episode wherein Weiss calls Ruby out on attending Beacon. 

It’s Ruby’s looks and Ruby’s looks alone that encourage Weiss to come to the conclusion, ‘You shouldn’t be here.’ The same thing has now happened to Ozpin. You look younger than us and are inhabiting a body that physically couldn’t beat us in a fight? You shouldn’t be here. You definitely shouldn’t be giving us orders. 

The group had control of Ozpin’s safe house. They were poised to interrogate him for showing up at it unannounced. Now they emphasize Oscar’s age and characteristics over his, which is ironically the only time that they emphasize Oscar’s individuality over Ozpin’s. In short, they’ve created an environment where a part of them truly believes that they’re older and more knowledgeable simply because of how Ozpin now looks, even though technically they know this isn’t true. It’s a new dynamic and with that comes the confidence to treat him like the fourteen year old stranger he “is”. I don’t believe for a moment that Yang would have ignored Ozpin’s direct questions, shot out irrational accusations, and then demanded a promise from him if he still looked the way he did at Beacon. Especially as someone who came to Haven later and therefore missed the initial proof, Yang simply doesn’t read Ozpin as Ozpin. We’ve seen how other characters interact with him from a student-teacher dynamic and it’s far more respectful. 

As this shot demonstrates, there’s also that issue of Ozpin’s size. Where as a headmaster Ozpin commanded authority by being taller than almost everyone else around him, Ozpin as Oscar immediately loses authority by being the smallest in the room. As I mentioned with Jaune and Cardin, size is an easy way to emphasize vulnerability. We quite literally couldn’t have gotten this scene if Ozpin was still 6'6" and looking twice Jaune’s age. 

In this scene Jaune honestly thinks this might be Ozpin. He’s accusing him of lying again, of claiming to leave when really he’s spying on them, or just pretending to be this kid called ‘Oscar,’ whatever. The point is that Jaune is working under the assumption that he’s interacting with his headmaster, yet that knowledge obviously doesn’t give him pause. Because Ozpin’s new look outweighs everything else Jaune knows about him. He’s angry and now suddenly Ozpin isn’t an intimidating huntsmen capable of defending himself, Ozpin is a teeny-tiny kid with no training. Jaune becomes Cardin through the realization of, “Oh. If I’m bigger and more powerful than this person, I can do whatever I want to them.” 

Ozpin’s size is an ongoing reminder that, despite possessing his own skill as well as magic, he’s in a vulnerable position. He needs to stand on the furniture in order to recreate his students literally and figuratively looking up to him, but now it just reads as a joke. 

This isn’t the first time RWBY has used size this way. Cordovin is an excellent example of how a small, non-dignified looking person is unable to maintain authority in the way someone with another appearance might. Her white hair just makes her look old rather than wise and her short stature is so extreme that it invites humor. It’s not just that Cordovin is a racist, or that her guards act like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Her appearance immediately gave the group another excuse for why they shouldn’t listen to her. Look at this tiny old woman trying to tell us what to do. Yeah right, lady. We could probably punt you into the sun so step aside.

This is a look that makes guards release prisoners in three seconds flat. 

This is a look that encourages laughter and, by extension, a lack of respect. 

The extreme camera angle in order to make Cordovin look ‘imposing.’ The fact that she looks like a literal child next to Weiss… none of it encourages the group, or the audience, to take her seriously. Rooster Teeth made a conscious decision when they decided to animate Volume 6′s “bad guy” as an old woman with sagging breasts and an extremely small stature. 

The only time when someone that small is re-characterized as authoritative is when they’re standing up against unimaginable odds. 

Ignoring that this scene in reality is Ruby refusing to take responsibility for the crimes she is currently committing, what Rooster Teen wants this shot to do is function as an example of extreme heroism. That’s accomplished by taking our second smallest character and situating her in front of a larger-than-life mech. Ruby’s refusal to back down in the face of something so much bigger than her is (again) supposed to be inspiring. She’s standing up to Cordovin’s “bullying” in a way Oscar was unable to do with his own mech: a bigger and more threatening Jaune. 

(I really cannot express how awful Volume Six was wow). 

All of which brings me to my final point. Namely that, by virtue of his age and size, Ozpin as Oscar will always look ridiculous when attempting to make use of his former markers. Using a cane? 

Headmaster Ozpin’s age and height makes it look distinguished. Ozpin at Oscar’s age and height makes it look silly. What’s the fourteen year old doing with a cane nearly as tall as he is? (Acknowledging that this is an ableist assumption. Some fourteen year olds do need canes, but most viewers are going to question this in a way they never would with the white-haired adult). What’s the kid doing with such a fancy looking cane when he’s literally covered in dirt, bandages, rags, and badly mended clothes? That’s a silly contrast. 

Headmaster Ozpin fighting? Totally badass. One of the shortest and yet most talked about fights in the show. 

Ozpin as Oscar fighting? Still badass… if you’re willing to work for it a bit more. But really, the kid swinging a cane around just will never have the same feel as a grown man who looked like Ozpin did. 

Ozpin himself is a dignified person, but anytime he adopts those mannerisms now he looks silly at best, arrogant at worst. 

I think his look is largely why so many fans read the snow scene as him talking down to the group. He no more talked down to them here then he did when he conversed with Ruby, or Pyrrha, or the team while heading off to Mountain Glenn. The only difference is that the previous Ozpin commanded all that authority, so his warnings and criticisms held weight. This Ozpin not only doesn’t look the part of an authority figure, half his time is spent being Oscar, someone who defers to and scurries around the rest of the group. So when Ozpin tries to take charge here, everyone is far less willing to listen. People are inclined to read him as arrogant, patronizing, talking down to others, etc. because it looks like a small child giving orders to a more older, more powerful team. Even though it’s not. 

It’s the combination of everything above that leads to moments like this. Where Ozpin is smaller, more vulnerable, looks too young, too naive, where the group towers over him for once and hurts him both physically and emotionally because now they can. 

Tl;dr: Yeah. Oscar’s looks and Oscar’s personality changed things irrevocably. If Ozpin had still looked like Ozpin the group wouldn’t feel half as entitled to this behavior and gaining their respect—from ‘Please don’t address me like that’ to ‘Please understand why I kept secrets’—would be far, far easier. 

[mari-onberry]

#8 with Sea Three

#8 from this post

“A is always up late with work related things, one night A falls asleep and B and C have to fumble through getting the work done for them.”

Sorry this took so long, things have been kind of hectic. This was very fun to write though, thanks for the request!

♥♥♥

They all knew Uma always had the hardest work. Harry could sometimes help when she got stuck, but Gil could barely even make sense of the problem, especially when it was math. 

This also led them to pity her when she had to stay up much later than them to finish her homework. Sure, she was usually able to finish it eventually, but starting out in a new school after years exiled on an island with no regulated school system didn’t really make things easier. 

She insisted that she had chosen these classes, and that this was how she was going to learn, but when she woke up after only a few hours of rest, Harry and Gil weren’t so sure they should let her keep sacrificing her well being just to keep up with the rest of the students who had been learning this way their entire lives. 

She was used to learning at her own pace through books that no one wanted anymore, and often she had to hide these from her mom. School at Auradon was definitely not something she was used to. 

Uma also had a hard time swallowing her pride to ask the other VKs for help, especially Mal. And she never even considered asking the kids in her class that came from Auradon. So, she suffered in silence. 

Until one day, she fell asleep during a particularly hard assignment (math, they thought; Harry merely recognized the numbers on the page, but had no idea how the problem was solved). They didn’t want to wake her up, but failing to finish an assignment would probably just make her more frustrated, which wouldn’t have the best outcome in the long run anyway. 

Harry briefly suggested trying to steal something from the museum that could help them finish, but Gil thought that would be a little overboard. They could ask another student, but they would both rather solve things through stealing than asking for help. So, for over an hour, they stared at the page, trying to make sense of it. 

“Harry, maybe we should just give in and ask someone. Is Jay in that class?”

Harry shook his head. “I’ve only heard Uma mention Mal being in this class with her. And anyway, we’re not exactly supposed to be here right now.” He wasn’t worried about the rules as much as he was worried about the repercussions of getting caught. Sneaking around the girls’ dorms had no small punishment, and both of them shuddered at the thought of having to spend an hour stuck in detention. 

“Well, if we can’t wake her up, and we can’t finish it ourselves, then...” Gil did have a point; they were coming to a bit of an impasse. 

Harry gave in. “Fine. But if we get in trouble, I’m blaming it on you.”

Gil shrugged. “Fine by me.” They would still be careful to not get in trouble, of course, and he was sure Mal wouldn’t be the type to turn them in for something like this. 

They snuck into the next hall over, where Mal was most likely sleeping. Gil did have to admit that sneaking around the girl’s dorms was a little odd even for them, but Harry was confident now that they were heading to Mal's room.

Once they made it, Harry knocked on her door, hopefully loud enough for her to hear it but not too loud that it would wake up her neighbors. It took a few times for Mal to get up and answer, but they were persistent.

Rubbing her eyes, she was too tired to realize that it was Harry and Gil. "Ben what do you--" Finally, her eyes adjusted to the light and she saw that it was not, in fact, Ben at the door. Her tone of voice changed as she asked, “Why are you two here? It’s after midnight.”

Gil laughed nervously, but Hook wasn’t giving in to Mal’s annoyance. “Look, Uma needs help with her homework.”

“Why isn’t she here then?”

Trying to stay stoic and not lose his temper, Hook told her the truth. “She’s asleep at the moment.”

Gil interjected, apparently not finding Hook’s explanation sufficient. “She keeps staying up late to do homework, and it hasn’t been good for her, so we thought--” Harry elbowed him in the side before he could ramble on further. 

Mal’s annoyed stare turned to an amused one, and she opened her door wider to let them in. “Fine. But you’d probably be better off asking Evie to help you. She’d get you an A with no trouble.” She didn't mention that Evie wasn’t in that class, or even that Evie would be less likely to help them; her statement was true nonetheless. 

She took the page and read through the problems on her way to her desk. She started scribbling down answers, and Harry interrupted, saying, “It has to be at least similar to her handwriting--”

Mal gave him a look that said, leave me alone if you want this to get done, so he did. He and Gil sat on the bed, quiet as possible as they watched Mal hurriedly copy answers from her own page with a few changes here and there. Evie was asleep on the other bed, so they hoped they hadn’t woken her up, but Mal didn't seem too worried about that; Evie must be a heavy sleeper. 

Harry kept standing up and looking over Mal’s shoulder to see how far she had gotten, but still couldn’t make any sense out of the work. He plopped down next to Gil and sighed. “This was a stupid idea, she’ll probably be mad we even did this.”

Gil shook his head and placed a hand reassuringly on Harry’s knee. “I’m sure she’ll understand. I mean, this is probably better than just leaving her to sleep and letting her get a 0 on the assignment.”

Harry wasn’t convinced. He didn't care that this was technically cheating, he just cared that Uma might not appreciate the gesture. She did prefer to do things herself, but he hoped she was willing to make an exception just this once. 

Mal stood up and handed the paper back. “If you two are done flirting over your mutual attraction to Uma, here you go.” 

Gil seemed to ignore her teasing and took the paper from her grip. “Sorry for messing up your covers,” he told Mal as they stood up and saw that her well-made bed was now wrinkled. 

She seemed fine with it, though. “That’s okay, I usually don’t sleep there--” She stopped herself, realizing she was revealing too much, and they could tell that her face turned red even with the little light present.  “I mean, it’s fine. Goodbye.” She all but pushed them out the door and Harry laughed to himself, which only confused Gil more. 

As they walked back to Uma’s room, Gil looked through the problems, but still couldn’t tell what had changed or what she had done. He trusted that she did a good job, though, and when they made it back, he set the paper on Uma’s desk. They then moved Uma to a more comfortable sleeping position on her bed, and before they could go back to their own room, they had fallen asleep on either side of her. 

Uma woke up to her boys fast asleep, all but trapping her in bed, and caught sight of the paper on her desk. It was her homework from yesterday, which was complete, but no more than it was the night previous. She shrugged and almost didn't give it a second thought until she noticed there was another page attached. She turned it over and read the words that were written in what she recognized as Mal’s handwriting. 

They may be idiots, but they mean well. 

Uma took a good look at her boys, and sure enough they had filled in the space she left with their own bodies. They were now cuddling each other, and  it made her laugh. She had to admit how cute they looked, though. 

If you ever need help, don’t be afraid to ask. 

Mal’s words inspired Uma to reevaluate the way her pride got in the way of a lot of things.

[justalittlelitnerd]

The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams

“First rule of book club?” They finished in unison. “You don’t talk about book club.” What. The. Fuck 

So I’ve been wanting to read this book since before it came out, but just wasn’t in the place to buy it so when I got an email from Amazon saying the Kindle version was on sale for $3 I wasn’t going to pass up the chance. And I’m glad I waited until it was on sale because I was just a little bit disappointed. For the most part, I think it’s once again a case of failing to manage my expectations. If I had gone into this book thinking it was simply a cute rom-com about a failing marriage than I think I would have enjoyed it well enough. But this book was so well talked about I expected something more. 

The book club was funnier than I expected with all the men being characters in their own rights and I loved that it presented the opportunity for them to tackle toxic masculinity, gender roles, and feminism. I thought it was interesting that Gavin had a stutter that he was super insecure about because it felt like a twist on the standard athlete romance since he lacked a certain confidence that is usually synonymous with competing in the major leagues. 

Additionally, I’m not sure if the twins were absolutely necessary to the story. For the most part they felt like a plot driver because the pregnancy is the reason they got married so quickly in the first place and arguably why they’re marriage lasted as long as it did (though three years really doesn’t feel long enough for the issues they had but whatever) and part of why they’re keen to save their relationship. I think it would have been better if the girls were a little older so they could feel more engaging, but I’m also biased because I’m not a fan of children (specifically toddlers) in romance books. I can see the appeal of babies because they’re cutesy and older kids because they can interact with the adults and provide some comedy, but toddlers are just an awkward age in my opinion.

Finally, the fucking sister pissed me off. I understand Thea and Liv had a lot of childhood issues between their parent’s divorce and general lack of love and guidance, but the fact that Liv turns so quickly on Gavin and doesn’t support her sister when she decides to give him a chance. It started to feel like Thea was going to have to choose between her husband/family and her sister and that wasn’t the kind of energy I needed in my romance book especially in the age of Corona. Of course, it being a romance book in the end it all works out. 

Basically, I would recommend this book as a fun romance read about an awkward man trying to save his marriage, but just know what your in for.

Keep reading for some fun and often insightful quotes!      

“All spouses become strangers to each other at some point in a marriage,” Del said. “All human beings are a work in progress, and we don’t all change at the same pace. Who knows how many people have gotten divorced simply because they failed to recognize that what they thought were insurmountable problems were actually just temporary phases?”

The need to hit something surged again like a bad case of Twitter rage.

“Men are idiots. We complain that women are so mysterious and shit, and we never know what they want. We fuck up our relationships because we convince ourselves that it’s too hard to figure them out. But the real problem is with us. We think we’re not supposed to feel things and cry and express ourselves. We expect women to do all the emotional labor in a relationship and then act confused when they give up on us.”

“Romance novels are primarily written by women for women, and they’re entirely about how they want to be treated and what they want out of life and in a relationship. We read them to be more comfortable expressing ourselves and to look at things from their perspective.”

“Modern romance novelists use the patriarchal society of old British aristocracy to explore the gender-based limitations placed on women today in both the professional and personal spheres. That shit is feminist as fuck.”

If a man wants to leave you, wave goodbye and lock the doors. You’ve got better things to do than chase a lost cause.

The backlash against the PSL is a perfect example of how toxic masculinity permeates even the most mundane things in life. If masses of women like something, our society automatically begins to mock them. Just like romance novels. If women like them, they must be a joke, right?

“You don’t wink.” “That’s not true.” “It absolutely is true. A woman remembers every time a man winks at her, because we love winking. It’s like catnip. Wink at us, and we roll over and start purring. You haven’t winked at me in a long time.” “Then I’m an idiot.” Gavin slowly lowered his gaze to lips. “Because I wouldn’t mind hearing you purr.”

Thea blinked several times and tore her gaze away from Gavin, who was studying her again like he did during the theater. Like he did on Saturday. As if seeing her for the first time. Maybe he was. It had been years since she felt like he saw her at all.

She had changed into a pair of sweatpants and his old Huntsville Rockets minor league sweatshirt, the one she’d claimed shortly after they started dating. He’d lost all coherent thought the first time he saw her in it. Something regressively possessive stole over him, as if he’d claimed her. Officially. With a sweatshirt.

“It means that whatever happened to your wife before she met you plays a role in who she is today,” Malcolm said. “We are all the sum total of our experiences at any given time, and our reactions to things are shaped by them. Just like in romance novels. Whatever a character went through before the start of the book will eventually determine how they react to things that happen in the book.” “But we’re talking about my real life here. Not a book.” “Same principles apply,” Malcolm said. “That’s why fiction resonates with people. It speaks to universal truths.”

“‘More than anything, she feared that she would awaken some morning and realize her entire life had passed her by,’” he read. “‘That at some point, she had become less than. Less than w-w-what she used to imagine. Less than w-wh-what she used to hope for. Nothing more than a silent accessory to a man. Nothing more than her own mother, a passive face at a glittering table.’”

"The point of all this is to court her, Gavin. Not seduce her.” “What’s the difference?” Mack snorted again. “It’s a fucking miracle you got married at all.” Gavin flipped him off. “The difference,” Malcolm said, “is to make her want you, not prove how much you want her.”

“Something has changed. What is it?” He offered to deal with Dad for me. He kissed me and made me want to forget everything bad. He made pancakes with the girls. Thea shook her head. “Nothing.”

"We women must steal our power where we can, and in the world of the ton, that power is sadly limited to the reduction of other women.”

“I do not require compliments, my lord. I’m well aware of my own attractiveness, which, of course, no lady is supposed to admit, but such is the world. English society seems to rest upon the requirement that women are pitted against each other until we all emerge envious of the other.”

“If there was a website where strange men posted thousands of pictures of you, yeah, I w-wouldn’t get used to it.” “That’s different. I’m not famous like you are.” “You’re the most important person in the w-w-world to me, so I beg to differ.”

“But we must find a way to produce and enjoy content that celebrates the fierceness of women without, at the same time, belittling a woman’s ability to decipher fact from fiction.”

[walkinsauce]

Becoming Poly- Chapter 21: Mo Partners Mo Problems

The month of January is a real character. Every year, it convinces us to pull it together, work hard and change for the better. By February, we’re right back to being the same people we’ve always been. I actually bought the Wild Rose Cleanse, but I seem to be procrastinating starting it as much as I’ve been procrastinating writing this blog. I have a bad feeling it might stay in its box as long as my external hard drive.

You’d think I’d succumb to January’s motivation, and have a blog posted right out of the gate, but here I am… a little late to look like a hustler. My writing has become far more complicated than just requiring discipline. It requires caring about people’s feelings, and privacy. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I do want to share my experience at being a neophyte with polyamory…

It’s just that things got so fucked up.

However, I did get this amazing message from a reader recently. It literally motivated me to start writing at 2:37am on a Thursday night. (Friday morning- whatever you want to call it.)  

The message read,

“Hey I have a movie recommendation for you. Have you ever seen the movie Misery? It’s an interesting plot. It’s about a fan of a writer who’s pissed that he never finished the series of books she was a fan of. So she kidnapped him and tortured him until he finished. There probably isn’t any direct correlation to anything going on in your life right now, so I don’t want you to feel pressure or anything. Oh by the way there’s a really cool scene that I attached for you for motivation:)”

You can imagine what scene he attached.

Shit. I better start writing. Otherwise I’m going to be screaming,

“Hobbling New Year!”

(Anybody get that reference? Hope so. Kathy Bates is a fucking legend.)

It’s just hard for me to write right now…

Not because my fingernails are too long. I don’t paint my nails, nor do I get enough vitamin B7. Short, weak nails are just fine for a writer. And there’s NO shortage of story. There’s too much. I’m sitting on storyline gold right now. Can I share it with you? Uhhhh, doubt it. This is why I chickened out of my own reality show years ago. I would have been calling in sick every time something fucked up happened.

“Well, I can’t put THAT on TV… I’ll just call my producer and tell him I have another UTI.”

I like my privacy. But I also like writing honestly. Maybe Demi Lovato can write a new song called, “Private/Not Private.”

Plus, we know if I had taken that reality show, it wouldn’t be the same. They’ll never truly be like real life. I probably would have cleaned up my act so fast, cuz I was being watched. It would have been the most boring show in the world. At least having my life to myself, I can fuck up, then decide what I’m comfortable sharing with the Internet later.

Here’s a fun note though- do you know how fun it is to get drunk dialed by a girl, as a girl? Okay, not drunk dialed. Nobody phones anybody anymore. It was just drunk texting. But as I sat on my couch, close to midnight on a Saturday, and got the text, I couldn’t help but laugh. I loved it! A real dose of my own medicine. Now maybe I’ll have a little more confidence to shoot out those late night texts again. I wonder if poly people have a shit ton of group texts?

I mentioned before I’m struggling telling certain stories. The fact is, the more people enter the relationship, the more permission I have to ask for. Cuz one person I’m connecting with, may have a spouse or a partner, that they too need to protect. But I guess what really gets you in trouble is when someone approaches you, and hopes you can keep it a secret from your partner. What do you say? No, right? But why do these kinds of situations arise? Do the common cheaters of the world see some sort of availability in poly/open relationship peeps? Are we somehow a target?

I got a good message on my Tumblr last week. I’m actually a real tool on Tumblr, and don’t really understand how to write people back. (AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU’RE FOLLOWING ME? I’M SUCH A PRO.) There is a lot going on in this supposed poly life, that is in all actuality just hooking up with people. Not exactly what polyamory is meant to be.

Let’s recap the definition of polyamory, as per Wikipedia:

Polyamory (from Greek poly, “many, several” and Latin amor, “love”) is the practice of or desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy.” People who identify as polyamorous reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep and committed, long-term loving relationships.

Fuck, doesn’t it look GREAT on paper? I LOVE it. I agree that this is something we should all strive for- and can genuinely exist, if we truly understand and communicate with each other.

But the truth is...

It’s so much harder in practice.

I suppose it might be a good idea to remain within the poly community when searching for new partners. But am I smart enough to do that? What do you fucking think? (lololol) And just like regular love, you don’t just instantly fall, nor start a relationship with every person that comes along. It does take various hook ups to figure out who you might find feelings for. It’s always been a trial & error (and hopefully occasional orgasm) situation.

But let’s go back to the subject of January. These goals we make. The things we try to change about ourselves at the strike midnight, thinking, “hey if this world keeps moving forward, maybe I should too.” I have a tradition every New Year’s Day: I pull an old diary off the shelf, and re-read an older chapter of my life. Did I change? Am I evolving? Who the fuck did I bang that had a cat in heat? Wait- I date men with cats?

The one thing I always notice when I re-read old diaries, is how my confidence dips in life. It can get super high, then drop so fucking low- basically to a place where I’m more content not even trying. Everybody has insecurities, and everyone controls them in their own way. Like the 47 year old male comic who came up to my friend tonight and said,

“Well, you’re older than me, aren’t you?”

She’s not. Not even close. And you know it. But you also know that’s a sensitive topic for a woman.

As I re-read my old diary (I went with 2001- a tender year, and I probably shouldn’t have read it on a plane), I’m haunted by my own insecurities. Coincidentally during a year that lacked a tragic amount of security. I truly want to believe that I’m attracted to polyamory because I’ve lived a life where I’ve had such unique, special connections with multiple people. It’s why I’ve always loved being single. So I never have to stop discovering new connections. But I do have to admit, it’s also nice to have a partner. Someone to share life with.

But then there’s that super small, but sad part of inside of me that wonders…

“Or… am I in this because I’m scared no one would want to be with JUST me… so why make them?”

It’s not my proudest introspection.

But it’s the only one I can publicly confess right now…

[crossoverglobaloutreach]

NOT ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER

A Wonderful Heart?!

A few years ago, we were visiting dear friends who invited a brother we did not know to meet and join us for dinner. After an enjoyable evening, as he stood to leave, this brother looked directly at me and paused to remark, “You have a wonderful heart.” Again, he repeated, “I want you to know, you have a wonderful heart.” It took me completely off guard. He continued to reiterate that statement several times with a concentrated gaze until I had to (was forced to) acknowledge it, though my initial reaction was to downplay and deflect it.

It was very uncomfortable for me. Not knowing this fellow well, I even thought for a moment, was this inappropriate?  At first, I dismissed what he said with a nervous gesture and a gracious grunt or two. But I realized he wasn’t going to back down, change what he was saying, or stop repeating it, until I verbally conceded and received it. So, to make it stop, I finally did - with an embarrassed, inept sort of “thank you.” Mind you, this all took place in a matter of seconds, but seemed like forever. It left me wondering, what just happened?!

When I awoke the next morning, it suddenly struck me how directly_ the Lord_ was speaking to me in those statements – as awkward as it all was. I had been meditating for weeks on 1 Peter 3:4 concerning the “hidden person of the_ heart_” and that our attention and adornment should be focused there “with the incorruptible_ beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious_ in the sight of God.” I had been praying earnestly, daily, for the inner workings of my own heart, and yet nearly missed the Lord’s blatant encouragement to me! How did I do such a thing?!

Then I remembered a similar experience more than fifteen years ago while studying the Song of Solomon. It seemed to me the Lover kept repeating the phrase, “Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair!” an inordinate amount of times. I was actually annoyed by it, which was ridiculous on my part, but helped make God’s point all the more effective. Frustrated, I literally said to myself, “Why does He keep saying the same thing?!”

Immediately, I heard the Lord answer, “I’ll keep saying it until you believe it!”

Stunned, I realized I did not believe I was fair (pleasing or attractive), especially to Him. Neither did I feel deserving to be called His love. Yet, the Lord was saying otherwise! The word “Behold” means “See!” See, you are pleasing, my love – Will you see (realize, acknowledge, believe) this? I was definitely more comfortable with realizing my darkness and untended vineyard (S of S 1:5-6), even as I was more aware of my deceitful and desperately wicked heart. At the time, the Lord was specifically dealing with those deficient areas of my life; so why, in the midst, would He make such lovely proclamations to me?

As we know, God doesn’t see things the way we do. In Song of Solomon our Lover says, “You have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes” (4:9). One glance in the Lord’s direction, to make a move toward Him, causes He who loves us to be overwhelmed and run toward us. Consider the prodigal son, “And he arose and came to his father. But when he was_ still a great way off,_ his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him” (Lk 15:20). Let’s respect the Father’s view of a situation over our own; though apparently, we are more apt to carry a grudge like the older brother – even against ourselves! Yet certainly, the Father doesn’t turn a blind eye to sin and rebellion? So, what’s going on here?

A critical truth explains these scenarios and can safeguard our walk from significant stumbling. It has to do with the finished work of Christ versus His on-going work. Both elements are real, valid, and indispensable in our lives. But neither nullifies the other nor should one ever be confused, mistaken, or forgotten in light of the other. Here’s the scoop: As believers, we have placed our faith in Christ’s accomplished work on the cross for our redemption. By this we are saved. What peace and rest for our souls knowing, “It is finished!” No more striving to please God as “He has made us accepted in the Beloved” (Eph 1:4-8). However, most also understand that we are still a work in progress, “being saved” through His on-going work in our lives while He purifies our faith and forges character in our souls (1 Cor 1:18; 1 Pet 1:6-9). We press toward this in cooperation with Him as part of our upward call by walking out the good works prepared for us in advance. As we go through the distress of trials and tribulations, though, we discover new aspects of our unworthiness and unregenerate selves. Herein lies the crucial question: Are we defined by that revealed ugliness or do we continue to identify with Christ – the One who saves us and washes us clean? What do we remain focused on? Our flesh and sin or “beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are [we] being transformed into the same image from glory to glory” (2 Cor 3:18)? Do we really believe that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from_ all_ unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9)? Or do we need to beat ourselves up for a while? Convinced now, the Lord no longer loves us – at least not as much.

T. Austin-Sparks deals with this subject in his book God’s Spiritual House. He defines it as our spiritual experience of the two sides of the cross: our assurance in His completed work and His handling of us to conform us to His image: “Never allow that which comes to light by God’s handling of us to cross over into that other place of our acceptance, our standing, our peace with God. So many people fail to keep that line clearly defined and they accept all kinds of accusations from the enemy because the Lord is dealing with them in this way…I am seeing more and more that in me, that is in my flesh, dwelleth no good thing! ...but that is the Lord’s matter. That is for the Lord to deal with. [emphasis mine - remember, we are His workmanship.] I am not going to allow that to encroach upon my absolute acceptance with God, my basic standing before God. I am not going to allow all the problems of sanctification to come over and destroy the great assurance of justification!”

This is why the Lord is adamant for us to behold our beauty even while dealing with our failings.

Shall We Press On?

Since the Lord’s work in our life is on-going, sometimes it seems we never get a break from being worked over. The Apostle Paul asks, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword?” I say, only _we _can –** only we can be persuaded **(Rom 8:35, 38-39)! If we lose sight of His completed work and everlasting love, it undermines our confidence and shakes our grounding in Him. Check yourself: Is the Lord truly magnified, prominent in my life or is it dissatisfaction with myself? “For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things” (1 John 3:20). Note, only He knows the depth of these things.

Isaiah 43 is a powerful chapter expressing the Lord’s love, care, and protection over His people. The first twenty-one verses describe the multitude of ways He saves and redeems us, however the Lord laments His people were not calling upon Him or bringing sacrifice and offering (vv 22-24a). Instead, He made this conclusion to the matter_: “**But you have burdened Me with your sins, you have wearied Me with your iniquities”_** (v 24b).

Yes, it’s my rebellion and sin that ruins everything. When I approach God, though, I discover I can become overwhelmed with my failings and preoccupied with my inadequacies. After I confess the downside of my life (which seems endless), I’m too discouraged and deflated to get anywhere on the upside! Why bother, the enemy taunts. To my surprise, one day while reading this verse, I heard the Lord say, “Don’t weary Me with your sins – it’s all you talk about to Me. It keeps you from just being with Me, loving Me, and doing the things that please Me.”

He continues in verses 25-26a,_ “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins. Put Me in remembrance.”_ In other words, let the Lord do His part as our Redeemer. Notice how He emphasizes that it’s His job. Quit bemoaning and rehashing the same old things He doesn’t even remember! We’re to focus, set our minds upon,_ remember Him_ – that’s our part. Magnify the Lord, not our sin. Give Him the sacrifice of praise, love offerings from our heart, and sweet incense of fellowship. That’s what He wants to hear. “Call to Me and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which_ you do not know”_ (Jer 33:3). Note, once again, He is the One in-the-know who brings us in with Him on a need-to-know basis!

Now, I want to take this thought one step further. Since we have the principle of our salvation being fully accomplished, yet on-going, it also applies to all the benefits included in our salvation such as healing, deliverance, provision, protection, spiritual authority and power, etc. “For in that He put all in subjection under him (notice lower case h, meaning man, us!), He left nothing that is not put under him. But now we do not yet see all things put under him. But we see Jesus…” (Heb 2:8-9). I read in one of Randy Clark’s books: “Even though you may experience defeat, you are part of an undefeated, unshakeable Kingdom. Be grounded in this identity because it will sustain you through setbacks, trials, and disappointments.” Bingo. Do we identify with defeat or the undefeatable Kingdom? As with our salvation, the reality of His benefits is no less true in the midst of ups and downs, victories and defeats. And that certainty spurs on our pursuit to contend for the faith:  _“Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints” _(Jude 1:3).

We must always keep in mind the finished, forgiving, and forgetting work of Christ done on our behalf. At the same time, we are still His workmanship in a daily construction zone. Once again, both aspects are real, valid, and indispensable. One does not cancel the other out. Nor should either be confused with, mistaken, or forgotten in light of the other. Read 1 Peter 1:3-9; hear this twofold truth:

_3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. _

_6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have beengrieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having notseen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,  9_receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.

An Add-on (as if this wasn't long enough!)

Looking at 1 Peter 1:4 concerning our inheritance,_ incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,_ - consider this reserve as the gold in our National Treasury which backs up the everyday currency we use. We trust that reserve is real, though we’ve never laid eyes on it. It’s unfading, perfect, and flawless, yet we live in a flawed and imperfect world. So, there are variables we face when drawing from our reserves: What is the cost required? What is the exchange rate? What price am I willing to pay? These are consequential questions as we do business in His Kingdom. Do not lose sight of the certainties of Christ (vv 3-5) in the midst of the fluctuating variables of life (vv 6-9). Those variables change in a moment based on whim and emotion; sickness and health; the cultural and political climate, not to mention weather itself! These instabilities add to the grief of our_ various trials_ and are why we must be_ kept by the power of God through faith_ as a constant.

You may have heard the expression, “Change is the only constant in life,” but we know otherwise! Jesus is the Constant, that Rock when our heart is overwhelmed, a Refuge in the storm, Peace which surpasses understanding, etc…_ Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls. _

Be blessed - Elese

[untitledroberteggersproject]

Makeup and “Empowerment”

Makeup is a product created by capitalism simply as an object to be sold. It is a part of society’s commodification of beauty. Products like these are often invented only to create more labor. Capitalists imagine up more objects which can be sold for a profit to people that they have convinced need this object. No one needs makeup. In truth, makeup is just powders and gels used to change the physical landscape of a face. It is useless in practicality when taken out of the context of reality. Of course, we are in reality, so we have to talk about as such. But the reality is that while makeup does serve a purpose in our society, its purpose is to reinforce (mostly white) heteropatriarchal notions of beauty. Makeup and the makeup industry does nothing but perpetuate an insidious patriarchal expectation that women should be or need to be beautiful.

So why do we buy into this expectation, even though plenty of us know and understand that patriarchy exists? Decades of propaganda that tell us that we need to look beautiful, so men find us attractive. As feminism has progressed in the modern world, this line has become increasingly critiqued. Many, if not most, progressive women realize that this advertising is in fact propaganda. We should not need to look beautiful for the benefit of men. But as this realization has grown, the beauty industry has grown too. Most brands have evolved their advertising to include pseudo-feminist phrases in an attempt to try and sell the same exact product they always have. They portray their products as a form of “empowerment” or “not settling for less.”

They say, “Do your make up perfect using our product, and you won't be doing the same thing women have been doing for decades because of gender roles and sexism. No, because now you will be doing it for you! The fact that men will treat you better if you conform to patriarchal rules like using makeup is incidental. The fact that women who do not wear makeup are punished by society is incidental. We are in a new age where you can now do the same coping skills your mothers did to survive, but you are doing it for you instead.” Or, instead of not settling for being considered a lesser person for your gender, it becomes: “Don’t settle for any number of trivial things that patriarchy wants you to fix. Don’t settle for dry skin or flat hair or for whatever length eyelashes you have. Don’t settle for the way your body naturally looks, buy our product and get a better version of yourself.” This natural look is not called this though, it is coded as ugly, because, of course, they sell their product as bringing out what is natural. Their product is what will give your hair a natural shine. Their ten products at a minimum of $10 each will allow you to see your “Fierce Natural Beauty” for the first time. Their product will give you clear natural skin as if women’s bodies exist in a place below natural and need to be brought up to a natural and Good state. Before their products, your hair was Bad and Wrong and this better version of yourself, of course, better appeals to a Eurocentric heterosexual ideal. It further reinforces old ideas about women’s worth naturally being less.

And what I find so offensive about it is that they do attempt to couch this message in feminist language. Makeup can be fun. It can be an insane tool of creativity. It can make people who are insecure feel better about themselves. The problem is that while covering up a wound might make it look better to the world and let you go outside, there is still an injury that needs to breathe. There is still an actual, dangerous issue that needs to be addressed, and we cannot dress the wound while trying to cover it up. Continuing to put on makeup and buying into this “empowerment” lie is only continuing to ignore the problem of sexism. It does not ultimately help someone who is insecure about themselves. They just keep putting on makeup instead of learning to live with themselves, to stop feeling sad about the way they naturally exist.

You are not helping yourself by wearing makeup, not in the long run. In the short term, yes, it is going to help you get out the door and feel beautiful and maybe positively affect your outside life in the current society we live in, but it is not doing anything progressive. Makeup is not progressive. It is not empowering. The only context within which it could be empowering is the one where patriarchy treats us better when we buy in. In a household where dogs are treated better if they hold their heads low, they will feel safe with their heads low. They feel better that way; they are not in any danger. It could even be, down the line, seen as empowering for them. “Wow, those dogs’ neck lines downward are so fierce. They look so good. They are doing it for themselves because it makes them feel better.”

The fact is that real power would come from women saying, “I do not need to be beautiful. Ugly does not exist. It is entirely reasonable for me to exist just as I am in my natural state.” We need to start radically challenging sexist notions on a broad basis, but also in a personal capacity. We cannot end the makeup industry and sexism if we still put on loads of makeup every day because we are uncomfortable with our actual bodies and faces. I have stopped buying makeup. While it is mostly because I have never gotten super into using it (I have never even properly learned how to apply foundation/ concealer/ bronzer/ whatever), it is also because I know it ultimately does no good to buy into the beauty industry. It is probably easier for me to do this than for many others. As a nonbinary person, a gender non-conforming woman, I have never actually relied on it, and though it is not because I have been secure in my looks, it has never been the place where I tried to draw my self-confidence. I have, for a long time, known deep down that I am not exactly beautiful. I went through a phase where I insisted I was, despite not fitting perfectly into society’s narrow mold, but even that ultimately cracked and I was left wondering why I felt so bad about myself. It is because I was trying to contest with the construct of beauty. I am not the first person to say this, but body positivity should not be about expanding the limits of beautiful. It should be about destroying the idea of beauty. It only serves to oppress and to other.

For some, giving up makeup is scary and anxiety inducing. In a further intersectional light, it can be considered necessary for some trans people, women especially, as they can face violence for not passing as cis in public. For some people, I am sure it feels like they simply can not.  They do not ever leave their house without some amount of makeup on, but the less we support the bogus establishment’s rules for us, the less power they will have. I think it would and will take something remarkably radical to rid the world of all sexism, and this issue is not the most important one by far, not inside sexism, and not inside the world’s giant bucket of issues, but I think it is something we can start to think about individually. Because, sure, we do not live in an ideal society where we can all get away with wearing zero makeup, but if we keep shrugging our shoulders and using that as an excuse, we never will. We can start by examining our behaviors and habits and asking ourselves some questions that help us think critically about what we’re doing to advance feminism in our daily lives:

“Why do I feel I need foundation, lipstick, and perfect eyebrows to leave the house?”

“Who am I trying to impress? Why am I trying to impress them?”

“Is this, all this money, time, emotion, all ‘For Me’?”

“What would happen if I went to work/shop/lunch without makeup?”

“Why do I only feel that I look satisfactory with makeup?”

“Why do I need to feel satisfactory in this way?”

“What is wrong with being ugly?”

“What power does that hold over me and what power am I letting it have?”

And lastly, much of this is also often framed as personal choice. It is our personal choice to wear makeup or not, but ‘choice feminism’ lets us choose to continue oppression. When we do not live in a free society, we do not have full choice. We have the option of going with the status quo, or actively going against it and trying to dismantle it. Those are our choices, and only one of them is going to do anything positive in the long run.

[everyonesomething]

Session Eighteen

Capridi: "So is it time for a road trip?"

Edith Runekill: "Guess so."

Malkas: "Yep. Unless we can scrape together money for a flight."

Pepper: "We'll probably have better luck than the train trips we've had."

Edith Runekill: "Unless we run into the dreaded highway kraken."

Capridi: "What, did you hijack the trains or something?"

Pepper: "We only took over that one because the engineer got brain-jacked out the window."

Sydney Gaydos: "We then drove it into a Kraken."

Pepper: "We got on the news and everything."

Malkas: "Fewer Krakens on the road."

Edith Runekill: "Don't forget the last train, with the manticores."

Pepper shudders.

Malkas: "Oh, I remember the manticore."

I completely forgot to mention last session that Capridi is a full new party member and is played by Sewbro! Oops! I suck!

In this session we learn some valuable information. Then we teach someone a lesson. Then we do some more learning.

This write-up is pretty hefty because we got a lot of RP done.

The set-up: We're off to the Baldur's Gate museum for a history lesson on our lich buddy.

The Game: It's a somewhat relaxing morning back at the hotel, considering all of everything that happened to us the day before. Mal and Edith enjoy a nice breakfast in bed—Edith still feels awful about how things shook out between her and Grim—Mal reassures her she didn't do anything wrong. Syd and Pepper have their own conversation about how things shook out between Grim and the rest of the group—Syd is determined to have all her gumshoes get along, darn it.

Sydney Gaydos: "Hm." Thoughtful look. "Gaydos... understands the need to do one's job. So she knows where Grim is coming from. But on the other claw our newest Gumshoe didn't do anything."

Pepper: "She didn't do anything to us anyway. Except the whole 'kept us from not dying' thing."

Sydney Gaydos: "Rightly so. So conflict is very sure to arise. This is why Gaydos did this--" from her coat next to the bed as she's still in her pjs, Sydney pulls out her notebook. "--she wrote down a few ideas to better create harmony within our group."

Pepper tries to peer at the notebook--why are you so tall. "Anything good?"

Capridi lets out a jovial "GOOD MORNING" to Grim. She can't resist poking the bear.

Pepper: "'Don't shoot each other' better be high on that list."

Edith Runekill starts doing her makeup but she's very distracted and keeps on having to fix her eyeliner after she messes it up approximately 700 times.

Grim: "Mornin'."

Edith Runekill puts on a dignified dark grey dress with a white collar. She doesn't have a hat to wear. :C

Sydney Gaydos bends down and shows Pepper a few pages. "First, we will introduce ourselves and talk about who we are as people. This is Step 1 of The Great Detective Gaydos' Plan for Great Gumshoe Getting-Along."

Grim and Cap are waiting for us in the lobby, they're keeping a healthy distance from one another. For good reason, probably. We collect everyone in the hotel lobby and make our way to the museum—Edith and Mal are hoping someone will have information on where Szass Tam might keep a phylactery or at least some idea of his motivation.  He had been a high-profile public figure some centuries back, but then he disappeared from the historical record before showing up again the other week at the Fair.

An employee at the museum—Morvayn—greets us and starts talking shop with Edith. Their best guess is Szass Tam had been trapped under Thay, a city known for a large network of magical ley lines running through and under its foundations. The people in charge of Thay are wary of letting strangers dig around the city, so information is hard to come by. It's an outside chance, but if we could convince them Szass Tam is back, they might let us in to do some exploration.

Morvayn also suggests we stop by Prastuil University before going to Thay—it has a large library and more information about Thay in general than where we are currently. It's a long trip, Prastuil is far to the southeast, through Plaguewrought Land and past the Underchasm, assuming we don't want to drive through the middle of a desert to get there instead. Grim is concerned we don't have time for such a detour, but Edith assures her it will be worthwhile. Information on Szass Tam is hard to come by and any little thing could help.

Morvayn then takes us to the divination office to get our scry on.

Katalina Winemi'zer: "Do ya haff somethin' of the Liss's for me to focus on?"

Pepper: "I got a real bad first impression of him from when we met."

Katalina Winemi'zer looks at the bewildered faces.

Edith Runekill looks down, embarrassed. "No. We never got close enough to him"

Katalina Winemi'zer: "Is fine, is fine. I can do this without."

"Everyone hold hands pleass."

Malkas: "Why are your hands so sticky, Sydney?"

Edith Runekill gives Mal's hand a li'l squeeze.

Capridi sighs and holds out her hands for Edith and Pepper to hold onto

Malkas squeezes back. Saps.

Pepper makes a big show of wiping her hand off before taking Capridi's

Grim just takes people's hands jeez

Sydney Gaydos: "... oranges." She says simply.

Malkas: "Fair enough."

She scries for us a nice view of the lich flying the car, unfortunately there's few clues to be had since he's in the middle of the air. Edith manages to spot a blue shimmering reflection in the undercarriage as if he's over a body of water, but it's anyone's guess which body it could be. Our vision is cut short when he detects us and dispels the scry, leaving us with more questions than anything else but we do our best to puzzle through it.

Edith Runekill: "It could be the Sea of Fallen Stars?"

"If he kept heading east after he was through in Secomber."

Malkas: "But it could be the Sea of Swords. There's plenty of magical stuff left on the Moonshae Islands."

Pepper frowns. "I don't see what business he'd have going to the Sea of Swords."

Edith Runekill: "If he were trying to get somewhere else up or down the coast without attracting attention by flying over populated areas, maybe."

Edith Runekill: "Back to Waterdeep or Neverwinter. Further south to Velen or Tehtyr. North to Luskan or wherever."

"But-- I dunno. Heading east seems more plausible."

Grim: "He won't backtrack."

"He's looking for new sights. Doubt he'd waste his time."

Edith Runekill: "Yeah. But Secomber was a detour, remember? He might have had other business along the coast."

Edith Runekill: "I feel like eventually he's gonna be headed to Thay. But he's obviously got things he needs to square away first."

"Gathering resources for a takeover? Retrieving things he'd stowed away? I dunno."

Malkas: "Maybe he wants to have a tropical island vacation in Chult."

Grim: "So we call around, learn if there's been any sightings round the coasts."

Pepper crosses her arms. "I mean. There's a lot of elvish magic crap at Moonshae but there's also a lot of Baelnorn. And it just took one to keep him away from Candlekeep right? I mean. If he was ever even going to Candlekeep in the first place."

Grim glances at Pepper, mildly surprised for a split second

Edith Runekill: "Yeah. Maybe check the foreign papers, too. See if there's any news of unexplained disasters or mayhem."

"Hm, that's right, though. Tharnis seemed very confident about being able to hold Tam off, or keep him confined if he'd walked into the trap set for him."

Malkas: "Okay, well. I think we should continue on to Prastuil, unless we get word of Tam somewhere."

Edith Runekill: "Yeah."

Our course of action stays the same, we're heading to Prastuil and then further on to Thay. But first—shopping. Edith gets to work enchanting a wizard hat so she won't lose it after the next monster fight, Syd looks over gifts, and Grim, Mal, and Pepper scope out the local Army Surplus store.

Mal and Grim chit-chat a bit about Syd—she's a different sort of paladin than the holy-rolling assholes they're used to. While they're talking, they spot some suspicious merchandise in the store's display cases: bits of animals and humanoids of questionable legality. Pepper calls Mal over to look at some tacky hats

Pepper lets out a stifled laugh at a hat with an Elvish phrase on it.

Malkas: "What?"

Pepper: "It uh. It wouldn't really translate too well."

Pepper: "It's completely filthy though."

Pepper turns the hat around in her hands, obviously desperate to buy it, but puts it back. "I'm pretty sure you'd get kicked out of like EVERYWHERE if you wore that in public."

Malkas: "Just get it."

Pepper: "We'd never see Edith again."

Grim, meanwhile, stays to strike up a deal with the shop owner.

Grim: "That goblin hand genuine?"

Grim definitely says gen-yew-wine

Helia (GM): "Oh yeah. Got it off a gerblin trader."

"I bought it from 'im, already severed."

Grim nods and studies the case, sucking on her cigarette, then gestures at it

Grim: "How 'bout them hydra fangs?."

Helia (GM): "Can't reveal my sources on that one."

Grim: "Uh-huh."

Helia (GM): "You with the guard?"

Grim: "Shit no."

Grim looks at him

Grim: "I look like a guard to you?"

Helia (GM): The dwarf shrugs.

Grim: "You in the market for trophies, say I had a line on some unusual game?"

Helia (GM): "Maybe. Depends."

Grim: "Here's how it is. I'm a bounty hunter by trade, come into contact with a lot of...real exotic types."

Grim: "Once in a while, a perp don't make it home all in one. You know what I'm saying?"

Helia (GM): "Why don't you give me some more details about what you got a line on, eh?"

Grim regards the dwarf for a moment, then reaches into her pack and pulls out a couple of wanted notes. Specifically, Mal's and Capridi's.

Helia (GM): The dwarf examines them.

Grim: "So happens I'm, uh, travellin' with a couple folk right now as might have some interest to you."

Helia (GM): "Hm. That's a weird lookin' Dragonborn..."

Grim: "Never seen one the like've her," Grim mutters back."Pelt like a sheep, but tougher'n leather."

Helia (GM): "Hm..."

He writes a number down on the back of Malkas's bounty paper.

(2500 gp)

Grim: "Whole package, or horns 'n tail?"

Helia (GM): "Both, an' the Dragonborn."

Grim: "Shit, you gouge your clients almost as bad as your merch."

Grim straightens up and raises her voice along with her rifle

Grim: "Hey Malkas? This sorry sonovabitch just offered to buy your hide."

Malkas: "... What?!"

"... For how much?!"

Pepper: "Uh."

Grim: "2500, you an' Capridi both."

Helia (GM): "Your pal here offered to sell it!"

Malkas: "That's not nearly enough!"

Grim: "What d'you reckon on our doing with a rotten ass poacher?"

Pepper squints her eyes shut and rubs the bridge of her nose.

Malkas: "Uh... We're legally allowed to beat the hell out of him, I think?"

Grim: "That's about what I wanted to hear."

There's a minor scuffle with the shopkeeper pulling a rifle on us, but Pepper deftly panics and knocks a rack of merchandise onto his head as she dives for cover under a table. Mal and Grim only got shot a little bit. Pepper's not too happy with the turn of events, but thanks to the Baldur's Gate laws of “finders, keepers” she scores a free lewd hat out of the deal.

Success! And it only took up most of the morning!

Later that afternoon, Pepper spies Edith on the street. Mal's gone off to run an errand and she's looking for a place for lunch so she invites Pepper along into a local diner. Edith orders a burger while Pepper can't resist ordering the mushroom and spider-meat stew. Edith shows off the darkvision goggles she picked up for the road trip that might come in handy, Pepper seems to have spent her time thinking about what she's going to eat.

Edith gets in to the philosophy of the different schools of magic—she was drawn to Evocation because of the inherent excitement, but she's always admired the ways wizards can be useful with magic, even if it's less flashy.

Edith Runekill: "See, now, I went into wizardry for the excitement of it, which is why I ended up majoring in Evocation even though my school's so famous for useful schools of agricultural magic like transmutation or enchantment."

"But wizards who do useful stuff are so, so important? They're the reason Plaguewrought Land isn't so wrought with plague these days."

"Maybe I was just selfish..."

"Or too fascinated by setting things on fire."

"Both, probably."

Pepper: "Seems like being into something useful just gave my mom an unhealthy obsession with legumes."

"Which--and I'm still trying to puzzle this one out--leads to setting a lot of fires in its own right."

Edith Runekill laughs. "Well, we all got our specialties."

Edith Runekill: "Legumes and fire?"

Edith Runekill considers this.

Edith Runekill: "Culinary magic?"

Pepper eats another sugar cube and sips some coffee. "Got that in one."

Edith Runekill dumps like three sugar cubes into her coffee cup.

Edith Runekill adds an amount of cream perhaps best characterized as "too much"

Pepper says nothing to the massacre in a cup happening across the table and digs around in her soup for more legs.

Edith Runekill: "Always wanted to try something cooked up by a culinary wizard. But it won't happen with what I make as an assistant curator. Or at least not if I want to pay both rent and eat for the rest of the week."

The topic then naturally turns to family, we'll be driving straight through Plaguewrought Land where Edith's from. She's not looking forward to going back home, but she feels obligated to do so, though Pepper doesn't see it that way. At best, Edith anticipates a lot of farm chores to which Pepper jokes it's a good thing they have Grim along. Which just gives Edith something else to fret over—she's still trying to see how she could have handled the Cap situation differently, but she's at a complete loss.

Edith Runekill: "Yeah. You SEE that look she gave me? Her tone of voice when she talked to me? And. Like. I GET it, since-- like-- catching bounties and bringing lawbreakers to justice and stuff is her THING, but... but I can't really APOLOGIZE since... since she really was wrong there? That really wasn't the right thing to do?"

"But it's even more messy because like now I know WHY I care so much about what she thinks of me????????"

Pepper spoons some pie onto Edith's plate. "Settle down, it's not like she hates you. Or even dislikes you."

Edith Runekill drops a french fry in surprise. "She... doesn't?"

Edith Runekill: "I... I figured I'd burnt my bridges...?"

"Making friends with her at all was so hard... worth it, but it was hard..."

Pepper: "She doesn't strike me as the type to hang around people she doesn't like."

Edith Runekill: "Well. I mean. We all got a job to do, here..."

"And it's important to me, and it's important to HER, too, which is why how she handled things with Capridi burns my butter so much?"

"Capridi helped us NOT DIE so we can CATCH THE LICH and isn't that more important than jaywalking in High Imasker or whatever?"

"Everything's all mixed up with everything else and I'm just flying in like six different directions at once."

Pepper: "I think she's just got different priorities. She just spent 20 minutes by herself getting a shopkeep to admit to blackmarket bodyparts trafficking instead of, oh, calling the police."

"Like, if it's a law problem she can fix she just goes for it?"

Edith Runekill: "Well. That's good detective work, at least."

"And-- like-- I get that. I live by a code too, even if-- as I'm learning-- it's a pretty different one. It's just. Like. The Lich is breaking any number of worse laws in worse ways? Shouldn't we be triageing our priorities a bit? Or at least sorting things out before just shooting people?"

Pepper: "Well sure, but if you think about it, we were heading to the police station anyway, so we didn't really waste much time--" she trails off, catching Edith's expression. "I mean, it was a crummy thing to do, don't get me wrong."

Edith Runekill: "Yeah..."

Pepper scratches her chin. "But I think she's just used to doing things her own way. She doesn't seem the type to do a lot of uh, group activities, anyway."

Edith Runekill: "Yeah, that too. Which is maybe why she didn't realize that between all of us there were way better ways to keep Capridi form bolting before we got everything worked out."

Pepper: "I mean, it's hard to get used to working with a group if you've been alone for awhile." Her face flushes and she shoves a forkful of pie into her mouth. "'At's just wha' I fink, 'nyway," she mumbles.

Edith Runekill: "I guess so."

Pepper then does her best to reassure Edith that unexpected crushes aren't the end of the world and you can even still be friends and coworkers with a crush. Pepper also starts to come to terms with the fact that she's been a complete ass.

Pepper clinks her mug to Edith's, which is weird because Edith's mug is sitting on the table. "At least you figured it out with a girl you LIKE, and not one that keeps hiding your shoes at camp."

Edith Runekill: "I guess," Edith says, sounding a bit unconvinced. "Sure makes things complicated though. Also, hiding your shoes sounds pretty mean and I'm sorry somebody did that."

Pepper: "Joke's on her, I got to go home a week early because of it." She laughs, but her brow's a bit furrowed.

"Anyway. It's not complicated so much as. Hm. Wrinkled? You can pal around with someone you've got a crush on, y'know."

Edith Runekill: "You... can?"

Pepper: "I think modern society would crumble if that weren't the case."

Edith Runekill looks thoughtful as she contemplates the mysteries of modern society.

Pepper: "I mean, you work with so many people one of them's bound to've had a thing for you and kept it to themself," she says, eating another sugar cube.

Edith Runekill: "Leave some of the those cubes for me," Edith says, as she absentmindedly puts another one in her cup of coffee. Then: "Wait, really? On li'l ol' me?"

Pepper: "I guess I am taking it on faith there's more than one person out there who'd be interested in you."

Pepper pauses. "That was mean. Was that mean? That was mean."

Edith Runekill: "That... that was kind of mean. Sorry."

Pepper: "Right." She nods and eats a too-large bite of bread.

Edith Runekill: "Well. Thanks for realizing it and saying something, anyway. You... you've been nice to me, these past few days."

Pepper rubs her chin. "Yeah, I sorta had you pegged wrong from the start. I thought--" she trails off and rubs at her chin like there's a smudge she's trying to get rid of.

Pepper: "Well, nevermind what I thought."

Pepper tries to paint Edith a picture, anyway: To her, Edith was a stone-cold hardass willing to tangle with a lich and then hunt down some muggers for street justice. Edith gets upset remembering the showdown in the alley, it's something she's been avoiding thinking about. In doing so, though, she realizes that maybe she shouldn't keep these things to herself—that it's better to talk about what's bothering her. Pepper agrees, it's no good to keep your troubles bottled up inside.

On that note, Pepper asks if there really is a chance the lich is headed over the Sea of Swords—it turns out her parents live in the Moonshae Isles, just off the coast that way. Edith doesn't think it's likely, she agrees the baelnorn in the area would keep Szass Tam away and going by history, he's much more interested in the Eastern part of the world. Still, Pepper says she'll let the group know if her parents have anything lich-related to say the next time she calls them.

Pepper: "Fingers crossed pops doesn't bring up skeletons next time I call home, then."

Edith Runekill: "Or he does but it's just the friendly baelnorn next door." She smiles, but then a guilty look flickers over her face. "Wait, you been calling home? I... I haven't since the Secomber thing..."

Pepper flushes and looks up at the ceiling. "Well. Y'know. Not like EVERY day. Just every few. If I have something to say."

Edith Runekill: "Ah..." Edith wrings her hands, anxiously. "I... I know I ought to call more often, but I don't... I don't think they'd be all right with how dangerous what I'm doing is. They aren't even thrilled about me living in Neverwinter, or the little expeditions me and Mal go on, or... well, Mal at all, really. Ma was really mad,,, or-- or really worried, maybe-- when I called her during the Secomber thing. But. But if we're headed in their direction?"

"I... I guess I GOTTA call?"

Pepper: "Edith, I call my folks because I like to. You don't gotta if just thinking about it gives you a peptic episode."

Edith Runekill: "Ah..."

"Well, I still probably oughta call before we just show up unannounced. Even if that would actually be pretty funny, come to think of it."

They finish up their meal and head out. +1 to social bonding between Pepper and Edith achieved!

Edith meets up with Mal who gives her a present: a bracelet with 5 enchanted charms. Each charm can summon a different party member to Edith—useful if we get separated during the trip. A very thoughtful gift! Mal's such a good boy.

They talk about the upcoming trip, Mal is understandably nervous about visiting Edith's parents at their home. They've never been too keen on him in the past—the word “half-breed” may have come up a time or two—but it's important to Edith that she stops in. She tries to reassure Mal that things will go as smooth as possible, she's positive her parents will come around on him.

Edith Runekill: "They like you better than my high school boyfriend. Low bar, I know, but..."

Malkas: "Ha, really?"

"What did he do?"

Edith Runekill: "Tried to elope at the age of 18."

Malkas: "Wh-What!"

"You ... What?!"

Edith Runekill: "He wanted us to get married and run off together right after high school. And I'm standing there with an acceptance letter to PA&M like, what? I think he was just trying to save the relationship before I went away..."

"And. You know. My parents 100% had my back on that. They want me to marry a nice local boy, but, sweet Auril, not like that."

Malkas: "Not at eighteen, no matter how thick-necked and tow-headed he was?"

Edith Runekill: "Yeah. And not when I had a future ahead of me. Of course, turns out the future they imagined and the future I imagined were pretty different."

Malkas: "Fewer ravenous monsters in their future?"

Edith Runekill: "But at the time they were proud of me for going away to college. But I reckon they counted me on coming back with a degree in agricultural magic and ideas about how to modernize the farm. And not... well, all the things I found that've made life worth living."

Malkas: "Edi, you're gonna make me blush."

They head back to the hotel and the scene fades to black.

Ahem.

After waiting a polite amount of time, Grim—who had been in her room when Mal and Edith got back to the hotel—goes to pay Edith a visit. Edith is noticeably flustered to greet Grim while wearing a bathrobe, but it's not as if she's the type to pretend she didn't hear the knock at the door.

Edith Runekill opens the door. She's wearing a fuzzy hotel bathrobe, and her generally carefully-styled hair is in disarray. She has an obvious hickey on her neck; she tugs on the collar of the robe in a vain attempt to try to cover it up.

Edith Runekill: "Oh... Grim! When did you get back?"

Grim looks at her

Grim: "Bout an hour back."

"Don't mean to interrupt."

Edith Runekill: "Um... an hour, huh. Um."

Edith Runekill sweats.

Edith Runekill is having a waking nightmare.

Edith Runekill: "Um. Anyway! What can I do for you?"

Grim: "Wondered when y'all reckon on leaving. Ain't heard from none've the others."

Grim is just as completely :| as ever

Edith Runekill: "Oh! Um."

"Sometime this afternoon, depending on how long it takes for everyone else to finish getting things together."

"I've already done all the shopping I needed so... I guess... I can get ready whenever?"

Grim shrugs

Grim: "Ain't out to put a rush on the two've you." She glances across Edith's shoulder for a split second, then back at her.

"Only wonderin' is all. Got no feel for the temperature round here lately."

Edith apologizes for accidentally disregarding Grim's feelings back at the library and the museum; she feels like she took the reins on where the group should go and what they should do without taking Grim's views into account. Grim doesn't seem too upset, Edith is more equipped at dealing with libraries and museums than she is.

Edith emphasizes she thinks Grim is an important member of the group, Grim in turn tells her not to be upset if they're at odds occasionally—it's not a bad thing that Edith stood by her convictions in the library about Capridi.

Grim: "You ain't gotta like me, Edith. Or agree with half what I do. I got no place to ask that from anyone. Don't make no difference to my bein' here to see this through."

"Truth be told, I reckon it's the mark of a good person. When your conscience won't lay flat on what you see just 'cause it'd be a whole lot easier."

Grim shrugs gently

Grim: "I ain't one to do what's easy. And you ain't neither. Don't mean we always gotta agree on the right way."

Edith Runekill nods.

Edith Runekill: "Yeah..."

Grim: "I don't want you thinkin' I'm a good person, or a smart person, or the kind you gotta tear yourself in two to please. Just so long as you do what comes right to you, I got no quarrel."

Edith Runekill looks visibly relieved. Even though she's standing there in nothing but a bathrobe, with a hickey, and a look that sort of evokes the 17th century fashion concept of "romantic negligence".

Edith Runekill: "I do think you're good, though, and smart. I think I can still think that about you, even if I don't always agree with you."

Grim snorts softly

Grim: "Guess I talked myself out've arguin' you on that one."

Edith Runekill smiles a bit for the first time in this whole conversation.

Edith Runekill: "Guess you did."

Grim eyes her, considering her words again

Grim: "Didn't reckon on you carin' for me, for as much as you ever did. Ought've been different to you if I realised."

Grim isn't exactly apologising but she looks vaguely abashed

Edith Runekill blushes, and looks away. "Guess it was obvious to everyone but me."

Grim 's brow furrows

Grim: "It was, huh?"

"Didn't figure on it myself 'til I heard it out've your mouth last night."

Edith Runekill: "Ah..."

Look at these two.

But, now that it's all out in the open, Edith is a lot more comfortable with things and the situation has more or less resolved itself. They come to a mutual agreement that Edith can just say what's on her mind next time, rather than keeping it all to herself.

They chat a bit about going back to Edith's hometown—Grim seems to be the only one vaguely encouraging about her making the trip.

Edith Runekill: "I dunno. I been thinking a lot about how... how dangerous this thing we're doing is. We might not come back from it. So... so I guess I don't want to regret having missed what turned out to be my last chance to see home again."

Grim takes this in and nods, eyeing her cigarette

Grim: "You got folks there, too. For good or bad, there's a place that made you."

"I got no answer for it, all I know is it's somethin' that don't stop being true. No matter how far you go."

Edith Runekill nods. "I might spend my days in dusty tombs or overgrown temples or stuffy museum offices. But Plaguewrought Land is still in my bones, Auril's ice is in my blood, and that'll be true until the day I die."

Grim: "It's somethin' I like about you Runekill. You got feet that know the ground, hands that know the soil. Ain't met so many magic types that way."

"Ain't nobody else where you are now who came by the roads you did."

Edith Runekill nods again.

Edith Runekill: "Maybe getting back there for a bit really will do me some good. Or at least it'll be a chance to see my nieces and nephews again..."

Grim: "Worst comes to worst, you got a half decent right hook these days."

These two, I swear to God.

And with that, bridges are mostly mended and we're ready to be crammed in a car together for hours at a time. Good luck to us all.

[anything-advice-blog]

Submission - Insecurities are killing me

1. i’m balding. i cant even get balding hair treatment because i was born with these bald patches. so its natural. i can never wear my hair down i look like a cancer patient (not exaggerating)

2. i have small breasts

3. i have  massive black bags under my eyes (born with them)

4. im in my teens and my skin looks like that of a 40 yr old. wrinkles!!

5. scars all over my face from freckles & acne

6.i have weird red dots all over my thighs

7. i have a big nose

8. i dont have eyebrows

9. i dont have lips.

Honestly i feel so ‘less than’. everything a woman should have, i dont. I feel like (if there is a god) I just wasn’t worth anyone’s time to be made 'properly’ but overall my biggest insecurity is my hair. the rest i can get over and deal with everyone has insecurities but my hair is killing me. i literally want to rip it all out now. its hard to even hide the baldness by tying my hair up!! i feel so worthless. i get jealous when i see girls with hair and styling it. my hair is so thin and balding i cant wear extensions because you can see my scalp so you can definitely see the clips. there are hair wigs i could invest in but they charge like $500 and you have to get a new one every 3 months. thats too expensive im a student at uni and no job (i cant find employment but ive applied for over 200) help :( I always find myself comparing myself to others men and women. even if they look less attractive than me i think 'well, at least they have hair.’ i’d give anything to have hair. its not even feeling less of a woman i feel less young too! I’ve never been one to try and fit into society. i dont want hair to look like others i just want hair to feel like ME to feel like a woman to feel like a normal human teenage being. i dont even want to imagine how bald id be as i age

for purposes of privacy, i will insert a false name. Nicki Sims

please do not post my email. thank you lovelies xx

Hey Nicki, 

Life is hard. Life is unfair. It sucks. I don’t think it’s fair that you have to go through all of this, but like many other things, we can’t help what we’re born with. Some people are born with many things others want like beauty or money while others are born lacking the basic parts like a leg, hair, or boobs. Whatever it is, I think it’s our purpose in life to find beauty in it. I think it’s important that we can beauty in ourselves despite our shortcomings. Whether we’re tall, short, pretty, rick, poor, we should find the beauty that only we can possess. I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s important to not give up on yourself. 

First, your balding problem. It’s hereditary, right? Have you tried other solutions for hair growth? There are people with balding problems. What you have is definitely not uncommon. It may not be seen as often but ti’s not something that doesn’t happen. I would highly recommend talking to a doctor about it. Have you tried medicine that promotes hair health and such? Tried different natural remedies for hair growth? It may not give you thick hair like people with natural hair but it can nurture the hair follicles and help the hair grow. 

Second, breasts are fine. Small breasts or large breasts, you’re a woman no matter what. If someone tells you you’re not a woman because you lack breasts, tell them to suck your big toe. You define what makes you feminine. Your breasts may not be small. It may be AA cup but that doesn’t make you less of a woman. When you get pregnant, they’ll become bigger. If not, then so be it. There are thousands of women who don’t have large breasts. Even those with them aren’t satisfied with them. You can still wear cute dresses and be a female without breasts.

Is there any reason why your skin is bad? Do you have a good skin care routine? People think that if their skin isn’t naturally beauty then they’re destined to have bad skin. However, that’s not always the case. There are people with skin diseases and they can’t help their situation. But there are different treatments you can give your skin to help them look more bright and young. Do you massage your face often? Do you use sunscreen protection when you go out? Do you wash it often? Do you treat it with moisturises and other beauty products? I used to have really bad acne and I still have scars on my face but I treat my face really well. I never forget to wash it. Remove makeup before bedtime. I try to not wear too much product. Whenever I buy makeup products, I make sure that it’s light and breathable on the skin. I make sure to use primer and moisturise after use every time. Rehydrating your skin is the #1 key to having young looking healthy skin. I high recommend looking into this. It’s not impossible to salvage your skin from scars. 

Is it really that weird? Sure you don’t have perfectly smooth thighs like those on the shaving commercials, but is it really that weird? Do you think you’re the only one with them? You’re probably not. Are these red dots a side effect of something? Like psoriasis or eczema? Maybe it’s a skin condition that you can’t help. I have keratosis on my arms. It’s been there for 10 years and there’s nothing I can do to make it go away. It’s supposed to fade on its own but it’s been 10 years. Does that make me unbeautiful? I don’t think so. If you have these weird dots, try to find the cause for it. If it’s something that you can’t help, realise that it’s a natural occurrence on your body like beauty marks or birth marks. Talk to a doctor about them and see if it’s caused by hormonal imbalance or a reaction to certain things. 

Jewish people often have big noses. It’s not uncommon and definitely not an ugly thing. I have a huge crush on a man with a big nose. His nose could be an island and I still think he’s a wonderful man. 

I hope you’re seeing what I'm doing here. I want you to try and normalise these things about you. They’re not giant signs on your face or body that screams “I’m unattractive.” They’re a part of you and they’re what make you you. Sure, they don’t fit into the norm’s understanding of b beauty but they don’t make you a monster for it. The more you focus on how ugly these traits are, the more you become convinced of it and the less likely you are to make them work for you. I think if you have a flaw, you should make it work for you rather than trying to hide it. You have a big nose? Use it to make it a memorable thing about you. There are people with small eyes. There are people with big eyes. These things make them unique and easy to remember. 

Makeup is definitely not a bad thing either. Draw yourself some eyebrows. Draw yourself some lips. Make it work for you. I believe makeup is invented for women to feel more comfortable with themselves. They can enhance their natural beauty or present themselves in a different light. If they have a pointed face, they can create a more welcoming look for themselves, etc. It’s not a mask, per se. It’s a different medium that allows the person to feel more like themselves the way music does for us. So don’t be afraid to use makeup if you want to. 

All of these are basic remedies for your physical problem. I think it might be worth a shot. While you’re doing that, try to better your self confidence. So you don’t have Miss Universe’s beauty. What do you have that others don’t? Maybe you walk better than most people. Maybe you sing better. Maybe you dance better. Maybe you’re nicer than most people. Maybe you’re more perceptive. There’s something about you that’s better than others and it’s not always a physical appearance. Look at those traits. Things that you’re good at. Things that you like. Enjoy those things and remind yourself that you don’t have to look like a model to be a likeable beautiful person. 

It’ll take time and it’ll be hard process, but self love is always worth it. I promise you that. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[masquad-fanfics]

Rumors (Niall Horan)

Emalee wandered through the endless corridors of the arena. Even from where she was she could clearly hear the chattering and screaming of the thousands of fans making their way out of the venue. And why wasn't she leaving like everyone? Well, she had been lucky to get an exclusive backstage pass in a raffle that had been made on a local radio station. Obviously, she was overwhelmed with excitement. After three years of being a fan, she was finally going to meet her favorite band. She was finally meeting One Direction. Now, she loved all of them, but Harry had always been special to her, mainly because they had been friends back in the small town of Holmes Chapel. "I wonder if he remembers me?" She thought as she reached a security guard covering a door that said 'Backstage'.

"Excuse me, I won this ticket in a raffle and they told me to come here once the concert was over." She said as she handed the man the paper. He read it carefully, then nodded and opened the door for her.

There were a few rooms and he escorted Emalee to the last one. It was lounge, with a wide sofa in front of a coffee table and a tv hanging from the wall. There were a couple of armchairs beside it with the same velvet colour as the sofa. A table was placed on the left corner, with bottles of water and some food on it, and a few chairs surrounding it.

"I'll bring them here when they're ready." Said the man, leaving the room. Emalee sat on the sofa, checking her phone to tell one of her friends that she was already there. In a matter of five minutes the door opened, revealing the same guard from before and the five boys behind him. "You have around half an hour. Then we need to head to the hotel." The boys all nodded and the guard made his way out of the room once again.

They all greeted each other. It was a bit awkward at first, but once Emalee got used to being in front of her idols she started talking a lot more. When she was confident enough she asked Harry if he remembered her. He narrowed his eyes and scrunched his nose while thinking. It looked as if something clicked on him, because his green orbs lit up in realization. "Emalee! Of course, how didn't I see it when you said your name? My God, you've changed so much!" Without a doubt Harry had had a hard time recognizing her. Her hair was now dyed a jet black colour, which completely changed her old appearance. Still, her piercing blue eyes gave away it was her, and once Harry remembered her, her smile, accompanied by her signature dimples, only seemed to confirm it. Harry stood up and moved Liam from beside Emalee, sitting next to her and placing an arm around her shoulder as he started to tell stories from when they were little kids.

The half an hour went by faster than they realised, and in no time the guard was telling them they had to leave.

"After settling in the hotel we're going out for dinner, wanna come with us?" Asked Harry before following the boys.

"Yes! That'd be amazing!" Emalee couldn't contain her excitement.

"Here, give me your phone number so I can message you to tell you the restaurant we're going." He handed her his phone and she wasted no time in typing in her number "I'll see you later then. Bye!"

   *time skip*

An impressively big car with tinted windows parked right in front of Emalee as she waited at the entrance of the restaurant. One by one, they jumped out of the vehicle and approached to give her a hug when they saw her.

The meal went by smoothly, and they all enjoyed their time to the fullest, sharing funny stories and anecdotes. But one thing was off, and that was Niall. The usual loud and cheerful Irish was mostly silent, glancing almost constantly at Emalee. If anyone had noticed they would most certainly have told him he was putting heart eyes at her. Truth is, he had never believed in anything such as love at first sight, but he couldn't deny now he was completely infatuated by the cerulean-eyed girl. Even if he didn't see it, Emalee was also looking back at him. There was something about Niall that attracted her, he always had, but now that they were face to face she liked him even more. She felt herself blush whenever she caught Niall staring at her, and the blonde's reaction was the same.

As surprising as it looked, Emalee was able to stay with the boys during the tour. And the more time she spent with them, the more she fell for Niall. The fans, who soon knew about her, seemed to like her, and started shipping them, which somehow made them grow closer. It was after three weeks of being with them that Niall reunited the courage and asked her out on a date. He decided it was best if they were away from anyone's sight, and thus he prepared a picnic in the countryside.

"This is so lovely! Thanks Ni, I'm really enjoying my time here." Said Emalee when they finished eating.

"Prepare yourself then, the best is about to come." He took her hand and guided her to the top of the hill where they were staying. They sat there and admired the landscape, a beautiful valley covered in soft, tall grass with some mountains in the background, the intermittent glows of the transparent water of a river visible from afar. They could catch a glimpse of the sun, hiding behind the peak of a mountain. As time passed, the sky turned into a mixture of red and violet, creating a mesmerizing view. They watched in awe, their eyes wide open as they viewed the outstanding display of nature.

"This is so... beautiful." Said Emalee in a whisper.

"Though I'm getting to see something even more beautiful."

"What?"

"You." He said, closing the gap between them and kissing her softly. She was surprised at first, but wasted no time in kissing back, their lips moving in sync. She stayed with her eyes closed, even when they were no longer kissing. "Emalee, I've felt something for you since the first day I met you. And that feeling has only been growing. I'd love it if you wanted to be my girlfriend." He declared. He lowered his head when he started to say the next words, suddenly more shy "Though I understand if you don't want to, I know Harry's always been special to you."

"I'd love to." She said. Niall wasn't expecting her to say anything, and he looked up with a face that showed he wasn't sure of what he had heard. "What?" "I said I'd love it if I could be your girlfriend. I really like you too, Ni."

"Really?!" His blue-ish orbs lit up in happiness and Emalee just giggled at his actions while nodding. He wasted no time in tackling her in a hug, which took Emalee by surprise, making them lie in the grass. With all the time that had passed it was already dark and they stayed like that, hugging while gazing at the set of stars and constellations up above their heads.

     ~ ~ ~

Half a year after their first date they were still happily dating. Everyone loved seeing them together, and both Niall and Emalee had never been so joyful. However, there always had to be someone who wasn't so fond of the couple. In this case, that person was Harry. And the reason was no other but that he also fancied Emalee. If the circumstances had been different and he had met her at the same time as the other boys had, he would accept her choice. But that's not how it happened. He knew her way before the others had. He had fallen for her way before Niall had. As much as he didn't want to, he was jealous. "If only I had confessed earlier... Maybe, just maybe... " he thought constantly. He wasn't the one to hold a grudge on anyone, but with this he couldn't help it. He thought none stop of a way to end Niall and Emalee's relationship. As much as he didn't want to hurt any of them, he no longer could stand seeing them together and knowing it could be him.

The boys had now a break during the tour before leaving to another continent, so Emalee was at home. It was one of those lazy afternoons where she decided not to do a thing and just watch a movie while sipping a mug of tea. Usually, she would've been cuddling with Niall, but he was out with some of his friends from his hometown that had come to visit him.

Midway through the film she had lost all interest in it, so she just turned the tv off and decided to entertain herself on the internet. After endless scrolling through different websites she came across a One Direction article of an online gossip magazine. Most times she would've ignored it. She wasn't the kind that cared of what the media said about her or the band because many times the news they gave weren't true, but for some reason she found herself reading that one article. Niall and Emalee's perfect love in danger: was it all fake? was the title. It already looked like the type of rumor she wouldn't even care about, but she continued reading.

Niall Horan, one fifth of the record-selling boy band One Direction, and his girlfriend Emalee have granted us this year with one of the most beautiful and loved couples. Practically all directioners find it an idyllic relationship, something that can't always be said about the thoughts of fans on celebrities love lifes.

But is it really as perfect as it looks? A conversation of Niall with an unknown person is said to have been leaked, and it threats to tear them apart. We don't have the rights to put it up, but as a whole, the Irish component of the band talks about how he only started dating Emalee to have company during the tour, and that now that they weren't on the road it's no longer something relevant to him. "C'mon, we all need to entertain ourselves. You know it doesn't mean a thing anyways." Was one of the sentences heard in the audio. We believe this will, without a doubt, affect negatively their relationship. The question is, what will exactly happen? We'll keep you updated, dear reader. Stayed tuned for future news.

The moment Emalee reached the end of the article she became aware of the air she had been holding. Her lower lip trembled when she released it. "This must be fake... It has to be." She tried to convince herself, but the possibility of that happening only seemed to increase the more she questioned it. She desperately needed to talk to someone. To Niall mainly, but she didn't want to disturb him with what was possibly a rumor. She needed someone to tell her it wasn't true, just so that she believe in that. The only person she was able to think of and that she was close enough to feel comfortable talking about this issue was Harry. She phoned him and told him to come over, at what he responded with being there as fast as he could after hearing her worried voice.

Seven long minutes later there was a knock at the door. Even if Emalee had so eagerly called him, now she was reluctant to open the door. All the courage she gained right after reading the article had now faded, leaving her with a void that slowly filled her with fear. She creeped up to the door and unlocked it after some seconds of doubt. She didn't even answer Harry when he said hi, she just went back to her laptop and Harry followed close behind.

"Read it." She said showing him the piece of news.

"I know this sounds stupid but, do you think it could be true?" Asked Emalee once he finished reading it. This was followed by a painfully long silence from Harry, which only made Emalee's concern worsen.

"I'm afraid it is." He said quietly.  "What?" That wasn't what Emalee was waiting to hear.  "Actually... It was me the one he was talking to. I don't know how someone found about it." There was no answer from Emalee, so he continued "I thought I had to tell you, but I couldn't think of a way to say it. I was hoping I could've told you in a better way than you getting to know it like this." He signaled to the computer screen as he finished talking.

Emalee couldn't believe it. There was no way. After all the times that passed, all the moments they had, she couldn't bear to admit that was true. And there was Harry, telling her otherwise. That Niall himself had said those words to him. Tears started building up in the corner of her eyes, and it reached the point where there were so many they began to cascade down her cheeks, staining her face. Her breath began being ragged and not too long after she started sobbing uncontrollably. Harry could only watch, powerless. It broke his heart. Seeing her crying, suffering... and all because of him. It was his fault. Suddenly, he saw that it was wrong trying to get her. That she was happy with Niall and it wasn't right for him to take away that happiness. He realised that, even if she wasn't with Niall, that didn't mean she'd be with him. He closed the distance between them and hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry." Whispered Harry. Emalee thought he was referring to what Niall did, so he continued explaining what he really meant. "I'm sorry, it's all my fault."

"Why would it be your fault?" She asked confused with a shaky voice. Harry gulped, not knowing how to tell her. He hadn't planned this. His idea was for Emalee to break up with Niall and then after some weeks ask her out, not to tell her he made all of it up. He was genuinely scared. He didn't want Emalee to hate him, although he understood that's what was most likely to happen. Emalee brought him back from his internal conflict, impatient by his lack of answers. He maintained eye contact for a few moments, admiring her beautiful blue orbs, and resolved to be straightforward and say it directly "I made it up... the conversation, it didn't happen... Niall never said that."

If Emalee's feelings were a mess before, now they were in the middle of a hurricane of chaos. The amount of questions forming in her mind were enough to make her slightly dizzy, reaching the point where she had to sit down to take it all in. She managed to make an undefined sound that turned into a why in the end. Harry looked down, ashamed. "Because I love you." He muttered. "And I thought if I made you break up with Niall you'd date me instead."

Emalee was even more confused now. "Y-you love me?" She was able to ask, at what Harry answered with a quiet "yeah."

She honestly had no idea how to feel about this. Harry was like her best friend, but after what he had done, she didn't know if she was mad, hurt, or sad since he thought it'd be a good idea to crush her feelings. But above anything she wanted answers. And to put an end to this. "How did you give the press the rumor?"

"I have a friend that works for that magazine. I asked him to publish it without mentioning me."

"Take it down. Make him erase the article, I don't want anyone to think this could actually be true." Her tone was harsh, a bit rude and demanding. Harry hated having Emalee being angry at him, but he knew he deserved it. He quickly told his friend to take it down, and after that there was a period of uncertainty from both of them.

"Emalee, I swear I'm so sorry. I never thought it'd turn out like thi-"

"How did you think it was gonna turn out Harry?!" For some reason, Harry's words of apology only provoked the opposite effect on her, making the bubble of anger that had been building up in her explode. "Did you actually believe I'd be happy to know Niall doesn't give a shit about me? That I'd run into your arms the moment we broke up?" She calmed down the slightest, breathing heavily from her previous statements "Harry, I love Niall. And he loves me. You can't just think it'll be okay to say he doesn't care about me, cause I know he does. And know I love you Harry, but just as much as I can love any of the boys. I'll forgive you eventually, because that's what friendship is all about, but you can't pretend I'll be on good terms with you for now."

Harry just nodded. He felt heartbroken, but that's how it was. She was right. He couldn't help but feel immensely stupid for what he had done.

"Could you go? If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone now." "Yes." It was the only thing he could do for her now, so he left without hesitation. On the other hand, Emalee felt the loneliness of her house slowly pressuring her, in a way choking her. She was lucky because not too long after Niall arrived from being with his friends. Before he got to the bedroom she quickly checked on the magazine, and saw no signs of the article. She smiled the tiniest bit in relief, just when Niall opened the door. "Hi princess." He said cheerfully, although in no time he sensed something was off. "Is everything alright?" he asked now concerned.

"I read a silly rumor and I was a bit worried, but it was just that, a silly rumor. Nothing relevant."

"Good then. I don't like seeing my princess frowning." He said as he jumped into the bed and brought her close to him, kissing her nose and letting her snuggle into his chest, slowly drifting to sleep.

[carringtonmiles]

His Ex Girlfriend Wants Him Back Quotes Dumbfounding Tricks

One main reason that your emotions to heal.* I called her and go down just enough to really see what it looks terrible and women make that will allow them to become desperate and pathetic.I realized that Amanda reacted that way because a person with your emotional wounds.Join a gym, continue with your ex, but it's only for a woman, that shows her a lot of men naturally feel obliged to take you back.

If, somewhere deep inside her, she will eventually begin to feel more in the future.You can spend sleepless nights just pondering how to appropriately interact with each other, you cannot afford to take advantage of your family.Don't forget that the get-wife-back issue can also try to push her further away.In this regard, those who continue to beg for her to come backOnce you have succeeded in getting us back together with you then she may feel strongly that the relationship to see the changes you've made in the movies.

And there are always there for them back in just three days before our first anniversary.When he does come back, sending her a hundred reasons not to be with her? Spent sometime alone - before I could go home and spend quality time with her.Break off contact will not lead to crumbling relationships.Just give her compliments and endearments when you act confident and if the two of you had at the beginning towards getting your man back, it is you are happy with her.

Feeling beautiful and confident and attractive.If you have just gone through a break up is due to several reasons.Too many people actually view or use the opportunity of you will need to be able to get it done.In case you need to fix the problem is, work it to yourself when you have at least look like they don't tell him that he would be the one trying to reconnect and demonstrate your improved self.Anybody who has lied to her is that there is no way he's attracted to you in to depression.

In this get your ex back and keep control of your past mistakes so you most likely appear insincere to your ex.These words say it but if you aren't going to take some time of my previous exes.Amanda was going to explain 5 mistakes people make when trying to find a solution to restore a girlfriend back.Take part in activities that you guys have chased after different women trying to get your ex further away.Your ex will think that this feat requires without wincing.

You don't have high hopes that she's gone, which probably has a peculiar way of things, correct?If you got into the trap of putting your nose out of the most important thing is to be thinking all about balance.Well, it is commonly believed that in just 17 days!Whether to get back their ex further away, you can be.Are you one of the break up due to a manageable size its time for her forgiveness, then good luck.

If all the reasons why the relationship the two of you that is, in her life.Yes, we have today would simply not exist.Keep your trust meter full for a nice guy like you are doing and take the pain temporarily.Wondering why would she want to know when it's time to evaluate how they really feel for her.Use this time apart has showed you both, just how to get back together again - this completely kills any chance with you and wonder what the best ways to get a firm grasp on what caused your fights.

Unfortunately for me, I spent way to come to a positive light.Now is your future life we're talking about my appearance, I didn't let my personal life affect my work or even weeks, after the break up between you that they are much better as well and truly miserable.Anything to get your ex back is because I couldn't sleep at night, I was also important.So, to all men leave women and why you broke up in the end but only a small amount of couple's material I have ever truly loved.Patience is what the mistake back up a win-win situation for you.

Ex Came Back After 3 Years

She is sitting there convinced that my ex al the time, so they can learn mind tricks and techniques is going to be apart from your other half will jar both of them.This come across because it is not the time to actually write it out, and we start isolating ourselves from everyone.So keep your distance for a little but don't do it.Then, head to a rock band that she would like to know how difficult and painful it can surely be of immense help.Fourth, what about calling her everyday because I am not saying a word.

Have you apologized for all the files and data that was so much effort but only a strong, assertive, confident man deserves to be around is that the reason that you did, made your girlfriend back - stop listening to unsupportive naysayers or cynics.Make sure that the desperation had made my ex back by myself - I never visited my girlfriend dumped me and she comes back right when you get back with Meghan.After all, if the both of you ALL the time, so they rush out and cry in front of him with your ex will not work because nobody wants to feel as though the two of you may think that these people really do love and emotions.Even if you're feeling anxious and restless, show her that you can not have.They really don't know the things that will enable you to get a girlfriend back is not necessary true.

They would naturally react by not being with you again.It is absolutely vital if you have shared together.Seeking for generally the same way that you never made the same token, you can have working in getting their ex back - and NEVER listen to each other during these 30 years, both of you to discover yourself again.Now this is that almost all of the hardest to forgive you.I knew that I can help you win back the right eBook for you.

It will make you feel like you've moved on, you'll realise that it is human nature to make a solid foundation on which to say that will last is going to tell you my word that this guide to getting your ex and go out with you before the full moon.It tends to make a positive step for you. if you want to try to get their ex because of these said, a relationship is worth losing yourself respect and dignity?The entire relationship dynamic will transform.If you know what you are thinking of ways to get your ex back once you patch things up, but in real life she'll think that it shows that despite all the love an an ex.Also, I can also be resolved and prevent arguments.

Instead, just try to buy what they wanted.Yes, let her know that there are red Wicca spells can be a problem.Usually when we get to a minimal, meaning you have realized it is easier than leaving and finding a good sense of not understanding what was it that I have some time to let ourselves go.It's just important at this point since he's already rejected you.Are you wondering how to win back their ex.

They followed through their emotions like women do, and even posture.But the other techniques, hopefully you can do with getting your ex into getting back together with them.- Don't pay too much of it this way you approach her.By telling that, you will want to happen than you loved her, did you both loved each other, it may be worth it. Too much light or not this is the more popular ones you can keep you from her resulting lesser time spent and lesser communication.

Ex Girlfriend Goes Back And Forth

[thedeadlyd]

Deadly D’s SE Asia Tour 2018 "Tales From the Road" What's Up! Magazine (Bellingham, WA) July 2018 Issue “Well it’s been a year Gary, what we doing this time?” I asked in regards to our last tour, one that consisted of 7 states in 5 weeks. After considering if we should hit the same route and build on what we started or go somewhere new, the DJ’s response was simply, “Go big or go home”. I already knew what this meant. Seeing how our availability to hit the road is limited, we need to maximize our time spent away. Should we hit the east coast this time? Or should we head somewhere that would add to our passport’s stamp collection? One thing we discovered on our previous excursion-something initially done out of a desire to cut down on accommodation costs-was that hostels are awesome. Not only could you save yourself some coin but also they made it possible to meet a hell of a lot of people from all over the globe. Ones just like us, seeking adventure and new friends. This is pretty tough to do holed up in some hotel room. From a traveling hip hop duo’s perspective, this element proved to be indispensable in our attempt to spread our music. With this mind, we began thinking where we could find a location that provides a hostel circuit worthy of our cause. After some microbrew infused research sessions at McKay’s Taphouse, it was decided that Vietnam and Thailand were the destinations of choice. Enter Deadly D’s “Plant the SEADD Tour 2018”. Both countries attract hostel goers from around the world. If you can accept that your life for the next month plus will consist of dorm style living with complete strangers, you will be introduced to a magical world that can only be discovered by stepping out of your comfort zone. Knowing that booking shows in such a foreign land would be difficult, we figured the environment would help streamline the process. With so many new people with insider tips, local staffers that could point us to the closest open mics and nightly activities such as pub-crawls accompanied by late night karaoke and freestyle cyphers, we figured we’d have little issue unearthing opportunities. So we decided to commit ourselves to find out and booked our flight to Vietnam. A week before we set out I received a message from an old high school friend that read, “What time does your flight land in Ho Chi Minh? I’m picking you up”. As it turned out my buddy Matt now lived there. Seeing our flight arrived at 1am, having a familiar face greet us upon arrival was a much better introduction to this new land than deliriously showing up at an airport with no idea of where to go. After a quick stop at Bui Vien-the street that never sleeps-for a beer and a banh mi, we crashed out a Matt’s apartment to rest up for our first day in the nation’s capital. The first question raised in the AM was “Holy shit. How many people live here? And better yet, HOW MANY SCOOTERS ARE THERE?!” Turns out 8.5 million residents followed by 7.5 million motorized bikes. And by the looks of it, they all run and I swear they ALL do at the same time. It’s honestly something you must witness in person. Seeing how that many motorists, driving from all directions, can actually make it work. It’s the definition of organized chaos. The way it was put to me, “You can only focus on what’s directly in front of you. Don’t worry about what’s behind you because everyone there is doing the same thing”. Regardless, we figured it would be best to save our first scooter experience for another city. One amazing aspect we discovered out there was the local expat communities (expats being individuals now residing in a country they weren't born in) and their willingness to help fellow foreigners navigate this distant land. Utilizing each city's expat Facebook group page turned out to be one of the most useful tools during our trip. In Ho Chi Minh City-or Saigon if you will-this process linked us up with our first show, only 2 days into our journey. Given the opportunity to link up with Ass Kicking Crew, the city’s #1 B-Boy posse, we couldn’t of asked for a better introduction to the local hip hop scene. Welcomed with open arms we were invited to play a show at Cipherz, a venue owned and operated by one of the crew’s OG’s Style D. The talent and humility of these cats was unreal. Representing hip hop in such a way that the US did in the 80’s, they could do it all. MC, DJ, break, graffiti. All 4 elements were on full display. Gary learned some new tricks on the tables from his new friend Phu. I was passing the mic back and forth with B-Boy Xell. Shit was ill. After many Larue beers and a spread of local street food, our first show in Asia came to a close. But not before we were invited to the weekends festivities: Ass Kicking Jam 2018. HCMC’s annual B-Boy summit just happened to fall on our first weekend and we had no idea what we were in for. Bringing his Canon 80D, Gary figured this would be a prime opportunity to put his videographer skills to the test. With over 150 break dancers from Vietnam, Germany, Ukraine, Australia and beyond, what we witnessed was something even a camera can’t properly describe (though we will try.. Video coming soon!!). The creativity, originality, pure dexterity and stamina exhibited was incredible. We got to see the lil’ homie Xell take on and battle the entire Ass Kicking Crew as his initiation into the group. Proud to say he succeeded and we were able to witness history. Even Phu who informed me that he doesn’t break and just cuts records proceeded to get into the action. Our first stop was insane. Alright, Vietnam. We see you. From there we took a jumper flight to Da Nang. Hostel on point. Hopped in on a food tour and pub crawl to get the lay of the land. It was here where we worked up the courage to attempt our first scooter excursion. We'll be okay if we can make it out of the city to the coastline where traffic is a little less intimidating right? Wrong. Within minutes we were convinced we would become one of those horror stories you hear of tourists who get acquainted with pavement in a bad way. Luckily this wasn’t the case and we finally made it to the beach unscathed. Good thing we did because this led to the most amazing jaunt up Monkey Mountain and built up a confidence to utilize the most effective mode of travel in SE Asia, which we capitalized upon the rest of the trip. Equipped with a GoPro on Gary’s helmet we scooted on down Hoi An. Took a pit stop at Marble Mountain, pulled some touristy shit and let go paper lanterns in the Thu Bon River via longboats and partied after hours at Tiger Tiger 2 Bar with our new friend and local guide Nguyen AKA “call me Justin”. After a late night cruise and Gary’s abrupt brush with death as he stepped off a cliff when attempting to take a leak, we made it somewhat safely back to the pad. From there we proceeded north to Halong Bay, where we kayaked through caves and explored lagoons surrounded by islands occupied by communities of monkeys. We paid a local fisherman to take us and our newly formed production team of youngin’s from the Netherlands to a deserted dreamlike island for a music video shoot. Captain Bird took to the air for his drone’s inaugural flight. Vietnam is insane y’all. It’s such a beautiful place and the people are incredible. Visiting a place with a history coinciding with our own in the way that it does is humbling to say the least. Taking a walk through the war museum or a Buddhist orphanage to visit with kids still being affected by the tragedies their country faced due to our past influence, you can understand why emotions can run a little high at times. We will forever be grateful for all we experienced in this amazing place. We could of spent our entire tour in Vietnam and still not even come close to seeing it all. But this would have to wait; we had to pick up our singer in Bangkok! So off to Thailand we go! Having lived there once upon a time ago, Lydia would not only act as our fellow bandmate but as a personal tour guide and translator as well. Which was great for a couple of clueless tourists. Another perfect timing “yeah we meant to do that” realization was that we showed up during the Thai New Year, Songkran. As a nation we should take notes because we’re doin’ it all wrong. Seeing entire cities engaged in an all out water gun warzone is waaaay more fun than fireworks. Especially spending it in Bang Saen, a place where locals who seem to have never seen white folk go for the holidays. Pure unhinged, positive energy. We then made our way to the jungles of Chiang Mai, hit up the all night hip hop club “Spicy” and swam with elephants. Yeah you heard me. After we said peace out to the big homies we had to catch a flight back to Bangkok for one of our more influential shows. Connecting with SuperFly, Freshly Squeezed Sounds and everyone at Live Lounge BKK, opened up a world of possibilities for when we make our return trip. Nearing the end of our tale we decided on our next destination. With Lyds headed back home it was up to us to finish this thing out strong. We'd be put to the test as we dropped our pin on Phucket and the infamous Bangla Road. Booking our stay at Slumber Party hostel, we discovered it lived up well beyond what its name might imply. This is where you go to party. This is where you go to dance at clubs with a capacity that could squeeze in all of Bellingham, a place that can really make you feel your age. I’m proud of how we faired. Well there we were. Finish line in sight. A little over a monththat felt like a lifetime yet went by in the blink of an eye. We returned to HCMC for a final farewell jam session with our Ass Kicking brethren before we headed home. Though this felt like home too. Guess that’s why we do this. Always trying to find that Highway Home. Guess that’s why we’re already planning the next journey. ‘Til next time friends. ~Deadly D Article Link: https://www.deadlyd.com/news/deadlydseasiatourrecap

[datingadviceonreddit]

I really have no idea how to proceed with this girl I have a crush on at work. I feel I might have somehow screwed the pooch completely and I'm not even sure where exactly I went wrong, so I need an outside perspective on this. TL;DR at the bottom. Female perspective especially appreciated!Sorry, this is going to be fairly long because I want to clearly describe the situations and interactions we've had:I (31M, single for a long time due to general social isolation) have a crush on a girl at my workplace, a law office. I've graduated law school and most of my work is on the lawyer-ing side of things even though I haven't passed the bar yet, whereas she is in Administration so it's basically a different department within the office so I will probably never cross paths with her in terms of our work responsibilities. I basically only ever see her just passing her in the halls or in the copy room / mail room, or if I actually go into her office to talk or she comes into mine. I also unfortunately don't have my own office, just a desk half-cubicle in a room with two other older ladies, and we're constantly on phones, so no privacy there (gets real old sometimes, I want my own office dammit).I know very little about this girl beyond her name, job, and where she's from; I don't even know exactly how old she is, but I'd guess mid twenties. She is crazy attractive, outgoing, works really hard and is professional, and confident to the point where I'm honestly jealous. I'm fairly sure she's single though not positive as she's stated she recently moved here from a neighboring state for the job and has never mentioned an SO after several conversations. She started working here about 2 months after I did, we've both been here less than a year. We're also the only people in that age range working there, literally every other employee is middle-aged or older with families and children, so I would feel a desire to engage with her even simply because I view her as a "peer" and I think she feels that way too, since it seems only natural.She's actually the person who started talking to me when our paths crossed; sometimes she'd pass me in the halls and I wouldn't even be aware of her there and she'd make a comment about something I was doing, which might not have been anything to her but to me it stood out since we'd never talked before and I'm not used to girls noticing me...We formally introduced ourselves when we met in the kitchen one day, nothing huge but I was super happy to be able to talk with her. Our interactions after that, once again, were all initiated by her (I'm fairly introverted and keep to myself so people doing this always catches my attention). She called me into her office one day to help her with an issue with her phone, which to me, was significant because she could have asked any number of other people for help with that, people with way more experience working there. She also seemed to make excuses to show up to my desk, for example I once sent her a scanned file off our office copier by email by mistake, simply because I pushed her name on the machine as a recipient by accident. She really didn't need to come physically to my desk about that, but she did - like... instantly. To the point where I was startled.A few days later, she again flagged me down into her office as I was passing by the door (internal WOO!) and asked if I had seen the show Westworld. I hadn't, but had been strongly considering starting it. We talked about that for a while, I definitely am very into fantasy/sci-fi and am a huge geek, though she said she really wasn't and it seemed like we didn't have a lot in common on that front in terms of TV/movies we were into, though we both liked Breaking Bad a lot. I did pick up on some signs she got uncomfortable during our conversation though - she seemed intimidated by how much I knew about TV and Movies (I'm kind of a buff, it's a hobby really) and she seemed really self-conscious of how little she knew about what I was talking about; I definitely tried to ease up and make the conversation more about her and just asked her questions about what she liked. I tell her she's convinced me to watch Westworld, and she literally says she wants someone to talk about it with - which to me sounds like a clear invitation... yes? Again, I'm just minding my own business like I'm really good at doing, and she seems to want to talk to me. So I start thinking... could she be interested in me? Well, maybe, maybe she just is outgoing and wants to socialize with a peer. I still can't really figure her personality entirely, but more on that in a bit...Fast forward about a week later, she comes to my desk again and initiates another conversation without prompting from me; she asks me some questions about whether I'm going to law school, I explain I've already graduated but haven't taken the bar; she asks me why not (everyone does) and I hate answering this question so I just kind of hedge it, but it's a nice conversation, we're both smiling and... it's great. She even asks me how long I'll be staying in my current position and I say only probably until September, and with a smile she says I should stay longer (!). I also learn that she used to volunteer at a sister law office in the state before she started working here. Conversation ends, feeling great.Fast forward to next week, I've actually marathoned Westworld and am caught up with the show (it's REALLY good, as everyone says, and right up my alley). I did NOT do this just so I could talk to this girl; but then again, she kind of invited me to talk about it, yes? So for the first time ever, I decide to talk the initiative, and go into her office one day, and tell her I've caught up with Westworld - do you want to meet up for lunch to talk about it? The reason I did this was a couple of reasons - it was finally a beautiful spring day, Friday, and I wanted a change of scenery, there are no windows in my office and I wanted to get away. Also no privacy in the office, no good breakrooms or places to eat there, and finally, I didn't want to waste her time "on the clock" to talk so I suggested we talk during lunch break.Her facial expression seemed to get really tense when I invited her to eat lunch together in our building's cafeteria, and noticing this made me sort of seize up too and the rest came out awkwardly... also she declined, she said she was really busy and didn't even have time to eat lunch that day as she had a deadline the following Monday. OK, sure, fine, perfectly understandable. I asked a second time if she really had so much work she couldn't take a break for lunch, really only out of sympathy (I'm the kind of guy who insists on taking half an hour for lunch come hell or high water, deadlines be damned), though thinking back this probably sounded pushy. So I wished her good luck on the work and left, conversation 8/10 on the awkward scale.Kind of had a bad taste in my mouth the rest of the day; it really wasn't so much her being too busy to talk, that's perfectly fine, it was really the fact that her tone and body language gave me the impression of a rejection and she seemed uncomfortable by my invitation, which to me honestly was no big deal - I really didn't even view the invitation as any kind of "date" I really honestly just wanted to sit in the cafeteria (it has good windows and a view) with the good weather outside, and was tired of eating at my desk every day. So at the end of the day, after some agonizing, I chatted her through our inter-office chat program and apologized for bothering her and just said I wanted to talk to her over lunch so we didn't waste time on the clock. She responded immediately and said it's no problem, "you just caught me at a bad time" and we should definitely talk about the show next week after my deadline! Oddly though, she used my first name in the chat, so that made it sound a tad "formal" if you know what I mean. Nonetheless I felt good that at least we had cleared the air and she outright said, "let's talk next week," which she didn't have to do.So here's where things get really confusing for for me. I decided to give her some space. One reason is, despite what she said in chat, I didn't want to barge into her office again without more sign she was willing or looking forward to talk to me; I thought, maybe she's just trying to smooth things over, but her facial expression had seemed really uneasy. So I actually didn't follow up on that promise of a conversation. The other reason for this was simple: it was my turn to be super busy. I lost so much sleep that week (last week) I developed bad muscle pains from sleeping awkwardly, had a shitty day where I scraped my car door on the side of my garage, had an all-day training on Wednesday... etc. All of that week, I did see her a couple of times, passing her in the halls like usual, and I'm on good terms with everyone in this office, everyone I greet and say "hi" to usually says "hi" back with a smile. Everyone - except the girl I'm crushing on, of course. She meets my eyes, but no longer smiles, and now she seems to be in no hurry to talk to me about anything. In fact, I came in to the copy room yesterday (Friday) to grab something off the printer and she's in there talking to someone else, but as soon as I entered, she abruptly left the room without saying anything. Also this seems like a minor detail, but I had my wrist in a brace that day due to recurring tendonitis (which is now killing me after writing this wall of text), and literally EVERYONE I met that day asked me what had happened to my arm. Everyone, except her.I WANT to just talk to her and ask "so how's it going?" or "how are you?" or "did you get your work done for Monday?" just normal small fucking talk, and I'm getting such a chilly feeling from her it feels like I can't do even that now...T___TSo, it looks like I fucked it up with this person. Reddit, what the fuck did I do wrong, and how can I, if nothing else, get things back to just "normal colleague" again?? I can't figure out if she's acting super awkward and even shy/fearful around me now because 1. the original lunch invite or 2. the fact that I left her alone for a week after she said she still wanted to talk. Is this a case of us both misreading each other somehow? Is she intimidated? I didn't originally figure her for the shy type, because in talking with her, she actually has really strong opinions on stuff. Usually these are strong opinions on things I care nothing about lol, she's kind of nerdy (she has an "I Heart Data" mug and stickers in her office) just maybe not about the things I'm nerdy about.I CAN'T FIGURE THIS PERSON OUT. GAH. I'm literally on great terms and would say I'm well-liked by everyone at my workplace except her now. I must wear girl-repellant or something. I really don't even mind if this goes nowhere romantic or even fails to get to a first date; I really just want to be able to fucking talk to her normally and learn some more about her.TL;DRI have a crush on a girl at my work who I'm pretty sure is single, and who actually initiated a lot of social interactions with me and outright invited me to talk with her about a TV show. I tried to respond to this invitation, got rejected, left her alone for a week due to being busy and also wanting to give her space; and now she's not even making eye contact with me, not smiling, and definitely does NOT seem like she wants to talk to me at all. About anything. I'd at least just like to normalize the relationship if possible so I can just ya know... ask her how she's doing or something. What do I do? What did I do wrong? via /r/dating_advice

[russellthornton]

15 Reasons Why Dating an Independent Woman Is the Right Move

For all you men out there who fear a woman in charge, stop it! Here are all the reasons you should be dating an independent woman.

With equal pay and women’s rights at the forefront of the news, more and more women are becoming independent and strong – ready to fight for what they believe in. Now this would usually be a good thing, however, there are men out there who just can’t come to terms with this new era and have trouble dating an independent woman.

The strong, independent, I-don’t-need-a-man-to-make-me-happy women. Now even though some women are very forthcoming with this attitude, there are some who worry that this specific personality trait might be the reason we’re still single. [Read: 15 types of bad girlfriends who’ll make your life hell]

You just can’t go wrong with dating an independent woman

Some guys look at a woman in charge as a threat and are intimidated by them. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be a woman who supports herself, takes care of all her own needs, and handles her own life struggles, yet comes across men who are intimidated by her because of all those qualities.

If you face the decision of dating an independent woman but aren’t sure if you’re the type of guy who can handle it, these reasons to date a strong, independent woman might convince you otherwise. And who knows – maybe this is exactly the type of woman you need in your life.

#1 We’re in it because we want to be – not because we need you. Some women who aren’t as independent are with a guy because she relies on him to make her happy or support her. When you date an independent woman, you don’t worry about that because we support ourselves. We’re with you because we want to be and that’s all. [Read: 30 sassy traits of a feisty girl that makes her irresistibly attractive]

#2 We are perfectly fine on our own. We know how to be alone and happy. The upside to this is that you won’t have to worry about whether or not you’re around enough or anything of that matter. You rest easy knowing that we know how to be happy on our own but choose to be happy with you. [Read: 12 ways to tell someone to give you a bit of space]

#3 We know how to have our own lives. Independent women have hobbies, interests, work, and their own friends. This means we have a life of our own, outside of our relationships. We spend time doing what we want without you being there – just as much as we like to spend time with you.

#4 And want you to have your own, too. Independent women don’t just want you to have your own life outside of the relationship with her. We also expect you to have your own stuff going on day after day. We don’t expect you to drop everything once you have a girlfriend to focus your life purely on us. [Read: How to be independent even when you’re in a relationship]

#5 We’re confident in ourselves. If she’s a fierce, strong, independent woman, then she’s confident as hell. You don’t have to sit and worry if you’re telling her she’s pretty every day – even though we still like that. We know we’re awesome. It’s not your job to make sure our self-esteem stays high.

#6 Our problems are ours. We don’t come home and dump all our problems on you and expect that you’ll come up with a solution to fix it. That’s a lot of pressure on a boyfriend and we understand that our problems are ours to fix – not yours. We may ask for your advice or input every now and then, but in the end, it’s our issue to deal with.

#7 We’re your equal partner. Independent women recognize equality much more than others. We don’t expect you to handle all the fixer-upper jobs around the house, and we don’t want you to expect that we’ll only take care of the cleaning. We live in equal harmony with our significant others. Everything we do is fair. [Read: The 13 characteristics of a healthy relationship]

#8 We understand your societal pressures. Men aren’t the only ones who have pressure to act a certain way in a relationship. You may have to be ‘the man’ and act tough and take care of the rugged things in life, but we get it. We understand the pressure to fit into a certain role in a relationship because we most certainly don’t fit the mold.

#9 We don’t want to rush into marriage or kids. Independent women have a tendency to want to substantiate their career before giving into marriage and having kids. This means we’re really not in a hurry to get there if we’re not satisfied in our careers yet. This takes the pressure off you immensely because you don’t have to think about all of that stuff so soon. Unlike dating women who are more into ‘traditional’ relationships. [Read: 18 qualities of a good woman every man should look for]

#10 We appreciate your sensitive side much more. So you like to cook, clean, write poetry, and maybe you cry during sad movies. We’re not going to judge any of that. In fact, with us being so independent and tough, we appreciate those qualities in you much more. We don’t need you to be the rock in the relationship because we’re self-sufficient enough to be our own rock.

#11 We’re not needy – at all. In fact, we’re practically the opposite of needy. We do love when you update us on your day, tell us how beautiful you think we are, and are there for us when we need you, but we do not need these things. We don’t need you to talk to us 24/7. In fact, that would annoy to us. [Read: How to deal with a needy girlfriend and help her feel secure again]

#12 We can handle your parents. And we can handle them with class and grace. Even if your parents are the strict type to make their dislikes known and may even offend us from time to time, just know dating an independent woman, we hold our own and maintain our respect from them.

#13 We’ll be able to hold our own with your friends. Just like with your parents, we can handle your friends. You can bring us around theme can joke and laugh with them just like you. You’ll never need to babysit us and stick right by our side if we go out with your friends.

#14 We know how to take a joke with ease. Having a sense of humor and knowing when to take a joke is something most independent women have in common. We don’t take things too literally when it comes to jokes. Most of this has to do with our self-confidence. So you can joke and tease all you want and know that it won’t offend us. [Read: 10 types of women you should never ever date]

#15 You’ll never have to guess how we’re feeling. Gone are the days of trying to decipher what ‘fine’ means. Independent women will tell you how they’re feeling. We have nothing to hide and don’t feel the need to act in a manner that suggests we’re mad when we can outright say so. We’ll tell you when you made us mad, hurt us, or even if we’re just in a bad mood that day.

[Read: 13 words of advice to date a fiercely independent woman]

Independent women are finally coming out, showing off what they have to offer, and taking over the dating world. If you’re in the market for a new girlfriend, check out these reasons to dating an independent woman.

The post 15 Reasons Why Dating an Independent Woman Is the Right Move is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[tarmacadamsurfacingcontractors]

The goalie fighting to save dreams

There can’t be many young people whose daily educational experience includes encountering a bona fide national hero.

But for those at the Canolfan yr Afon Pupil Referral Unit, in Ebbw Vale, that’s been the case for the last four years as they’ve been ably assisted by former Everton football icon Neville Southall MBE.

Not that the record cap holder – he played 92 times between the sticks for the Welsh national football team – cares if his reputation precedes him.

His sole vocation these days is to play at least some part in helping these complex-needs youngsters live a life that can give them their own rewards, a sense of self-worth and personal success.

Neville’s disregard for his own huge reputation from his goalkeeping days is conveyed with a sincerity that matches his passionate commitment to UNISON – especially in his role as an international officer and his desire for the union movement to lead a restructuring of Britain.

“I have no time for egos, full stop, in any organisation,” he explains. And that’s especially so with organisations that can work together to give kids the help, time and attention that they desperately need.

“I honestly believe there are problems with the school system as early as the primary years,” he says. “I believe the system is broken.

“However, I’m convinced that if key organisations link-up to get to the heart of the matter – say UNISON, other unions, the police, the NHS, businesses, local authorities, you name it – we can not only rebuild society from the grassroots, but ultimately save millions on social and healthcare and police costs in the future. UNISON can really drive this.”

When it comes to his zero-tolerance for egoism, Neville has form.

In a 22-year career, he won two top-flight league championships, two FA Cups and a European trophy with his beloved Everton. He was nominated four times by football’s official statistical body as the world’s best keeper, named as the 1985 player of the year by the Football Writers’ Association, named by his fellow players in their team of the year on four successive years and was ultimately recognised in the 1996 honours list.

Photo: Duncan Raban/EMPICS Entertainment

Yet he titled his highly successful autobiography The Binman Chronicles, in recognition of one of his many jobs – others included waiter and hod-carrier – before his footballing breakthrough in 1980.

And what drives this sporting champion now – his belief in the need to completely overhaul primary schools – is based on his own experience in the education sector for the past decade.

“It’s no good giving some kids a supposed education that they just can’t take. That does nobody any good, least of all them.

“University, exams, classic education – great for those who can cope. Even some apprenticeships require maths and English. Again – great.

“But some kids really haven’t got beyond ABC, and as for the times tables… But watch them take a bike apart and put it back together, or build a wall, and then they can show how much they understand the maths and English needed in those processes very well, in their own way.

“We’ve got to spot these talents and not expect them to fit into boxes. I know it’s not easy trying to find a solution for everyone, but we’ve got to try.”

Noting that society has to change, particularly in terms of how it assesses children and young people from primary school onward, he is keen to stress that such assessment must not be negative.

It must involve looking for strengths as well as weaknesses, he says, even that young. “Some kids tell me that they’ve had problems right from the start, but no-one ever noticed and they couldn’t explain it themselves.

“I know this as a foster parent. I genuinely don’t think it’s impossible to change what we do from the earliest years, because it ain’t working for lots of them. We can’t just keep expecting a system to work which clearly doesn’t.”

Everton children’s coaching session in 2014. Photo: Jon Buckle/Everton FC/PA Images

While Neville says that his line of thinking is radical, he insists that it’s also realistic and that a pro-active opportunity to restructure has already presented itself.

“The years from three to five are crucial. It’s in these years that we can’t afford to ignore any physical and mental health issues that either might be apparent or hidden.

“That’s why I’m glad there’s now so much UNISON focus on mental health and wellbeing.”

Though the system is broken, it’s not the teachers’ fault, he says.

“In fact, if we take a new view of how to map out learning programmes for each kid, then teachers would know exactly what to do.”

He points out that the ultimate solution comes down to having more teachers and smaller classrooms. But that costs money.

“I know. Now people will mention the cuts. Yeah, they’re happening – we all know that. But you can’t just accept them.

“Instead we, the unions, can show that there’s a better way. Okay, if things rest on finance, then let’s drive the inward investment ourselves.”

Neville explains that unions should link up with businesses and other contacts. “By talking about the positivity and potential of our regions – especially here in south Wales – and building ourselves up, we can make the less advantaged areas more attractive. And then you’ve got a knock-on effect.

“Bring the finance and the investment in ourselves, with a view to assisting those services and sectors that have been hit so hard.”

That will all take time and require a new way of thinking, but he insists that “UNISON is massive. We’re big enough now not just to protect our members’ interests – although that’s important – but also to start building and growing that better society which, if you think about it, is exactly about protecting our members anyway.

“I’m a big believer in just getting together and saying, ‘Right, you do that, I can do the other, let’s push on’.”

“But we’ve got to start thinking differently and get rid of the mindsets – doing as we’ve always done, just because that’s how it’s always been, and just accepting the setbacks.”

Given his success at Everton, it’s surprising to hear him extol the recent success of another top-flight club to reinforce this broad point.

“A few years back, I was annoyed hearing people say Everton could never win the league again. So I said, ‘Of course they can.’ Otherwise why bother? Seriously. But people laughed.

“The following season, Leicester came from the bottom of the league and won it instead! No-one’s laughing now.

“It’s the same in education. But don’t start me on those league tables. How do they measure if a kid’s confidence has improved? Where’s that league table? There isn’t one, because you can’t measure it, but it’s real when you see it growing and the effects are amazing.

“We need to show what can be done if we believe. Like Leicester. There was a time when we didn’t have an NHS, when people probably didn’t think that could happen either. But it did. From Wales!

“I really believe the time has come for unions to get into a higher gear. If we help the kids, the grassroots, it’ll eventually pay off for everyone.”

Words: Greg Murphy. Portrait: David Davies/PA

The article The goalie fighting to save dreams first appeared on the UNISON National site.

from UNISON National https://www.unison.org.uk/news/magazine/2017/09/goalie-fighting-save-dreams/ via IFTTT

[demonbloodteen]

Demon Blood Teen: A New Persona

Episode Three. Veer convinces Charlie to form a new persona revolving around his newfound powers.

“Blasting people with laser beams! How rude!” Veer complained, walking over to Charlie, his body now charcoal-black. 

“Sorry, you’re just very annoying,” Charlie said. 

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Veer admitted. 

“So…now what? Should I kill myself?” Charlie asked. 

“WHAT?! Why would your mind go to that?!” Veer questioned. 

“Sorry, I guess I’ve just thought about doing it so much that it’s become my natural go-to choice when I don’t know what to do,” Charlie explained. “Well..that’s disturbing,” Veer responded. 

“Oh, that’s just the surface level. Dig just a tiny bit deeper and things get much more disturbing. Much more disturbing,” Charlie grinned. 

“The fact that you’re grinning while saying this makes it even more disturbing,” Veer pointed out. 

“Oh, sorry about that. Smiling is just one of the many coping mechanisms to deal with my crippling anxiety and depression,” Charlie explained, the grin still on his face. 

“Hehe…okay then…” Veer said awkwardly, glancing down at the ground.

Alternate Dimension

“UGH! I had that blood right in my hands! I was seconds away from being cured! SECONDS! We have to somehow manage to find another portal into that dimension! Before it’s too late! Now, who here thinks they’re up to the task?” Treznor stated. 

“Ooh! Ooh! Me! Pick me!” Renita begged, raising her hand. 

“Alright, Renita. You have three months to find a way into this dimension. Otherwise, you’ll be sent to our torture chamber. I already have you microchipped, so there’s no reason in trying to just run and hide. I’ll find you,” Treznor said.

“You have me microchipped?” Renita asked, a confused tone in her voice. 

“I have everyone here microchipped,” Treznor stated. 

“Wow…someone has trust issues. But don’t worry, I’ll be sure to get him, sir!” Renita promised, saluting and then scurrying out of the place. Main Dimension “So I’ve got an idea. Why’d don’t you go ahead and create a new persona?” Veer asked. 

“New persona? Why would I do that?” Charlie asked. 

“Charlie! You’ve got a great opportunity here! All your life you’ve dealt with anxiety, worrying about what other people think about you!” Veer said. 

“Well, gee. You don’t have to remind me about it,” Charlie said, crossing his arms. 

“I wasn’t finished yet! This - this is your chance to change all of that! You can create a new identity and start all over! Become confident in yourself!” Veer exclaimed. “Veer, I can’t just completely give up on this identity and start a new one! I mean, where would I live?! I can’t just randomly disappear from home and then move back in as someone that my dad thinks is a drug addict! Granted, not very many people would miss me had I just disappeared, but still! I can’t do it!” Charlie pointed out. 

“No, no. I’m not saying just completely abandon your old identity for a new one…Rather, have like a side persona! You know, one that you use every once in a while - when you feel like it. Build confidence in that persona, and it’ll eventually transfer to your main one!” Veer explained. “Hmm, I see. Interesting idea. Have there been studies by psychological experts that show this works?” Charlie asked. 

“I have no idea - I literally just came up with it right now,” Veer said. 

“Well, it’s not as appealing an idea as committing suicide, but I suppose I’ll try it,” Charlie said. Later That Night Charlie had been sitting in bed, browsing through the internet. “Looking at porn?!” Veer questioned, popping out of nowhere. 

“Gah!” Charlie gasped, jumping slightly in fear. 

Veer glanced at the computer screen - it was currently on a Skype chat between Charlie and Paris. 

“So you’re not watching porn. Hm, you must’ve known I was coming,” Veer said. “N-No, I just…don’t watch that kind of stuff,” Charlie said. 

“Mhm. Ssssuuuurrrrreee you don’t,” Veer rolled his eyes. 

“I’m serious!” Charlie growled. 

“Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. It’s okay. You don’t have to lie about it - I understand. It’s perfectly normal for a teenager to experience those kinds of urges,” Veer said. 

“Is it perfectly normal for a teenager to experience the urge of wanting to murder themself? Because I get that urge quite a lot,” Charlie said. 

“…N-No, I don’t think that’s normal…” Veer answered. “Really? You sure? Hm, other teens are weirdos,” Charlie commented. 

“Yes…they’re the weirdos…So Charlie, you know right now would be a perfect time to go ahead and try out that new persona of your’s!” Veer encouraged. 

“Really? You think so? I mean…I still have homework to do,” Charlie said. 

“Pft, so you don’t do your homework one night. What’s the big deal?” Veer asked. 

“Mrs. Horrorfield will probably get really mad at me…” Charlie said. 

“Well, Mrs. Horrorfield can go fuck herself. Come on, go change into that diving suit of your’s and let’s go!” Veer grinned. Outside “You know, I’m not sure having my new persona wear a diving suit out is really the best way to make me more confident,” Charlie said dryly, now in his transformed self. 

“I for one think you look extremely attractive in that diving suit,” Veer commented. 

“Uh…thanks, I guess?” Charlie asked. “No problem! You know, I don’t look half myself,” Veer said, looking down at the black full-body suit he was wearing.

Suddenly, a scream could be heard. “Someone! Quick! Help! Help me!” a female voice could be heart shouting. “Someone’s in trouble! We’ve gotta go save her!” Veer exclaimed, beginning to run towards where the call was coming from. 

“Someone’s in trouble! We better leave because we’re in trouble as well!” Charlie said, beginning to run back home. 

“CHARLIE!” Veer shouted, quickly running back over to him. 

“W-What is it?” Charlie asked. 

“What are you doing?! We have to save this person!” Veer said, grabbing onto him. 

“We have to save ourselves! You’re gonna get us killed!” Charlie exclaimed. “Didn’t you say you wanted to be killed?” Veer asked. 

Charlie’s eyes widened at this. “We’ve gotta go save that woman!” he suddenly announced, running to the scene of the crime. 

“Shut up, you spoiled brat! Before I silence you myself!” the criminal said, pointing a gun at the girl as he tore her purse away from her. 

“HEY THERE! Hold on just one second!” Charlie shouted. The criminal’s eyes widened, quickly turning towards the teenager. “Oh, hey! A drug addict! Do you happen to have anything on ya at the moment? I can pay - I just stole this purse from this rich snob,” the criminal said. 

“I am not a drug addict! Why does everyone think that?!” Charlie questioned. 

“Well, you have crazy messed up purple hair and you’re running around the streets at night in a diving suit. Clearly you’re smoking something,” the drug addict stated. “I have not been smoking anything! Though, I do think that people have the right to do what they want with their own body and that we should not be throwing people in jail for doing so!” Charlie said. 

“Come on, kid. Quit with the act. You ain’t foolin’ anyone. Just hand me over some of those good ol’ drugs. I already told ya I have the money,” the criminal said. “And I already told you I’m not a drug addict! I don’t have any drugs! I’ve never taken any drugs! I’ve never even been near any drugs! And I never will! Well, unless I can attain enough so that I can overdose and thus die, in which case I will!” he exclaimed. 

“You know, you’re getting really annoying. Give me the drugs or else I’ll shoot,” the criminal said, pointing his gun at the boy. Charlie blinked, a grin forming on his face. “Oh, finally! This is the moment I’ve been waiting for! The moment I’ve been waiting for my entire life!” Charlie exclaimed. 

“Seriously? You’re still not gonna hand over the drugs?! Welp, here goes nothing!” the criminal said, pulling the trigger and thus launching the bullet. 

“WAIT!” Caitlyn shouted, tackling Charlie onto the ground, and thus causing the bullet to miss. Veer had been wandering throughout the streets, searching for his friend. “Charlie? Charlie? Where are you?” he asked, when suddenly the bullet from earlier flew by, lodging itself into his tail. “GAH! MY TAIL! MY TAIL!” Veer cried out, falling down to the ground. 

“Mommy! This animal looks hurt! Can I keep and take care of him until he gets better?” a child asked, picking up Veer. 

“Are you sure that’s an animal, Reed?” the mother asked. “Hey! What was that for?!” Charlie questioned. 

“You saved me, so I only thought it was fair that I return the favor!” Caitlyn explained. 

“Well now I’m wishing I hadn’t of saved you,” Charlie said dryly. 

“Haha! You’re so funny!” Caitlyn giggled, messing with his hair. 

“Don’t don’t touch me,” Charlie said dryly. “You may of dodged that one, but now you’re both going down!” the criminal said, pulling the trigger. Caitlyn gasped in fear, meanwhile the grin of Charlie’s returned. But nothing happened. 

“What the?!” the criminal gasped, pulling the trigger again. 

“Ugh! I must be out of bullets! Well…see ya, kids!” he said, quickly beginning to run away. Charlie quickly got up, pointing his hands up and shooting laser beams at the criminal, causing him to fall to the ground. “My hero!” Caitlyn grinned, hugging him. 

“I thought I told you not to touch me,” Charlie said, a deadpan tone in his voice. She just kept hugging him though. He glanced away awkwardly, before a small smile and blush spread across his face, hugging her back. 

“Hey! You wanna come over to my place?” Caitlyn asked, grinning up at him. “Well, actually I have homewo- Well, I guess,” Charlie accepted the request. 

“Great! Let’s go now!” she said, grabbing ahold of his hand and beginning to march forward. 

“Wait! What do we do with this guy?” he asked, pointing at the unconscious body of the criminal lying on the floor. 

“Just bring him with,” she said. “If you insist,” he said, picking up the unconscious body and heading towards her parents’ house. He rung the doorbell, the door quickly opening. 

“Why hello there, Caitlyn! Who’s this young man you’ve got with you?” Caitlyn’s father asked. 

“And who’s this unconscious man you’ve got with you?” Caitlyn’s mother asked. “Oh, well let me explain. So I was going on my normal late night stroll in a dark alley, when all of a sudden this guy pops out and tries to steal my purse! I mean, who would’ve thought that stuff could happen in a dark alley late at night? It was totally unexpected! Anyway, to make things even worse, he then takes a gun out and tries to shoot me! Luckily, this incredibly attractive teenage boy came to rescue me just in time! If it wasn’t for him, I’d probably be dead by now!” Caitlyn explained.  “WOW! Thanks a lot, Mr. Incredibly Attractive Teenage Boy!” Caitlyn’s father said, shaking Charlie’s hand. “You know, this is actually a huge story. We oughta get this on the news!” Caitlyn’s father exclaimed, quickly getting out his cellphone and dialing up a local reporter. “Hello? Mr. Reporter? We’ve got a huge story for you to report over there! We need you to come over straight away! You will? Great!” Caitlyn’s father exclaimed, hanging up the phone.

“How do you attain such easy access to the media?” Charlie asked. 

“Oh, we’re rich. We pretty much own the media,” Caitlyn’s father explained. 

It was that moment the reporter arrived. “Okay, okay! I’m here, I’m here, I’m here! What’s the big story?” he asked. “Oh, you’ve gotta hear this!” Caitlyn’s father exclaimed, walking over to the reporter and whispering the story into his ear. 

“WOW! That is a great story! We better get this on the news as soon as possible!” he grinned, quickly setting up his camera and rushing in front of it, explaining the story to the audience.  “And here with us tonight, we have the very same teenage boy that saved this young girl from certain death!” the reporter exclaimed, pulling Charle into the scene. “So let’s start with the basics. What’s your name?” the reporter asked.  “Oh! Uh, well, um...my name is...it’s....it’s uh...Wolf...Wolfgang. Wolfgang Steel. ...Oh geez, that sounds stupid. It sounded a lot cooler in my head,” Charlie muttered.

“And so, tell us Wolfgang. How long have you doing this?” the reporter. “Doing what? Contemplating suicide? I’ve been doing that for as long as I can remember,” Charlie answered rather bleakly. “No, no! I’m talking about vigilante justice! You know, going out of your way to save people and stop criminals despite not being formally associated with any type of law enforcement,” the reporter clarified.  “Oh! Hehe, can we take that ‘contemplating suicide’ part out? Um, I just started. Tonight. Like a few minutes ago. Literally,” Charlie answered.  “Fascinating! And is this a one-time thing, or are you planning to continue on this path of vigilante justice?” the reported asked. “Well, um, I don’t know. I guess I’ll do it if people want me too? Or if I see something bad happening and no one’s stopping it,” Charlie said. “You’ll continue it if the people want to, you say? Great! We’ll conduct a poll over the next few days and see what the nation thinks about you. Then you can make your decision! Welp, you heard it here first folks! On The Substantial Scoop With Kane Robinson!” the reporter exclaimed, closing out the show. Reed’s House “Don’t worry, little fella. I’ll take care of you!” Reed grinned, setting Veer down on his bed. Veer blinked, his eyes wandering the room before glancing back up at the child. “Here, let me get you some bandages to help with that boo boo of your’s,” Reed said, leaving the room. Veer quickly hopped off the bed, beginning to wander around the room. He walked over to the book shelf, glancing at the action figures placed on top of it. He then took a book from off the shelf, opening it and beginning to read it. Suddenly the door opened, causing Veer throw to quickly throw the book back at the book shelf and get down on his fours.  Reed entered the room, holding some bandages in one hand and a bowl of food in the other. He then placed the two down on the floor, right next to where Veer was. He placed the bowl of pet food on the ground, and then took the bandages, wrapping them around Veer’s tail. “There you go! Here, I brought you some food too,” Reed said, pushing the bowl closer towards the other. Veer glanced down at the dog food, a disgusted expression on his face. 

“Is he seriously gonna make me eat this stuff?” Veer thought to himself. 

“Come on, boy! Eat! You want to be nice and strong now, don’t you?” Reed asked.  “Well, I guess I have too...” Veer thought, sighing, and using his tongue to scoop up a single bit of the food into his mouth, nibbling down on it rather slowly. His eyes soon widened. “Oh my gosh...this stuff is delicious!” he thought. He grinned, diving into the bowl of pet food and beginning to devour it all. 

“Atta boy!” Reed cheered on, watching as his new pet hurriedly ate all his food. Caitlyn’s Room The two teenagers entered the room, Caitlyn quickly shutting and locking the door behind them. “So we’re all alone. Just the two of us,” Caitlyn said. “Yep! Just me, you, and the countless voices in my head,” Charlie said. “Wait, what?” Caitlyn asked. “Nothing,” Charlie answered. Caitlyn walked closer to Charlie, placing her hands on his shoulders. “W-What are you doing?” he asked. “Oh, you know...” she said, pushing him down on her bed. She smirked, taking her hand and slowly beginning to unzip his suit. “Hold on one second,” Charlie interrupted. “What is it?” she asked. “Aren’t we both 14?” he asked. “Yep.” “And isn’t the age of consent 18?”

“Correct.” “So aren’t we both four years too young to be doing this legally?” “You’ve got it!” Caitlyn answered peppily, continuing to pull down his zipper. She licked her lips as Charlie’s boxers came into sight, quickly moving her hand towards them. “WAIT!” Charlie asked. “What is it?” Caitlyn asked, pulling her hand away and glancing at the other. “I-I don’t really feel c-comfortable with uh, you know...” he stuttered.  “Oh! Sorry! So you’re one of those ‘take it slow’ guys. Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. That’s totally okay with me,” Caitlyn said, getting off of him.  “Well, I don’t care if it’s okay with you. It’s about what’s okay with me,” Charlie said, getting up. 

“Oh! Yeah, well that’s what I meant,” Caitlyn said. “Sure it is,” Charlie said, zipping his suit back up and yawning.  “Wanna cuddle?” Caitlyn asked. “Eh...” Charlie hesitated, shifting away from Caitlyn a bit. “Oh come on! Please! I won’t do anything weird! I promise!” Caitlyn begged. “Ugh, fine...But only if you keep your promise!” Charlie gave in. “Pft, of course I’ll keep my promise! I mean geez, come on, Wolfgang! What do you think I am? A politician?” Caitlyn said, hopping over to him and beginning to cuddle, causing a blush to spread across his face.