#like I know everyone’s glad bens not coming back but I just love the drama he brings so much

[nicksstrongrugbyarms]

You’re telling me we’re never gonna see Nick tackle Ben to the ground, like that scene in solitaire??? 😭😭😭😭

[the-conversation-pod]

Spring 2024 Lagniappe

And we're back! It's been a long production season for us, and we've still got projects to talk about! Join us and @twig-tea once more to answer our inbox questions and do quick takes on a bunch of projects we didn't cover in long form, and then hear Ben and NiNi catch up on a few shows or movies, wrap up the season, award Girl You Tried, and ponder the future.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Inbox: Comparing Cherry Magic Adaptations 00:10:17 - Inbox: Remaking Het Romances into QL 00:16:04 - Catch Up Corner: Young Royals Season 3 00:21:23 - Catch Up Corner: Man Suang 00:25:12 - Catch Up Corner: DNA Says Love You 00:29:23 - Twig’s Dispatch 00:38:35 - Winter Round Up 00:44:45 - Girl, You Tried 00:47:35 - Look Ahead

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re your drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Inbox: Comparing Cherry Magic Adaptations 

Ben

And we're back. We have finally made it to the end of what feels like our longest production season we have ever been in.

NiNi

I feel like we have been recording this season since last season and we're recording right up to the end of the season. Our first recording for this season was on the 28th of January.

Ben

Oh my God!

NiNi

We've been here forever. We're going to change some things up going forward, and we'll tell you guys more about that when we figure it out. 

But for now, welcome to our spring lagniappe. Let's go into our inbox. We have two great questions from two new names and we also have a very special guest. Say hi, Twig.

Twig

Hi everyone.

NiNi

Twig is back with us, and she's gonna help us answer some of these questions. 

Our first question comes from @hellooobees and hellooobees writes: “I'm sure you plan to discuss something similar to this, but now that we have the Japanese and the Thai adaptations of Cherry Magic with the anime also airing, I would really like to know your opinions about them and the unique flavors they add to the mix.”

Thank you for the question, hellooobees. Ben, you've been tracking all of these adaptations. What are your opinions about the different versions of Cherry Magic now and what parts you enjoyed differently about different versions of the Cherry Magic story?

Ben

I'd say for Cherry Magic, I'm really glad that Akaso Eiji and Keita Machida were the ones who introduced us to Cherry Magic. I think both of those actors are really good, and considering what we now know about how much was changed in Cherry Magic, I think it was good that they had two solid actors who could handle that and bring some pathos to that when they were asked to do that. 

But I gotta be honest, having now seen complete versions of the Cherry Magic story as it was originally written out, I will not be returning to the original Japanese live action. The Thai live action is probably the best version in the sense that it's the most watchable, and I think the most consistently satisfying to watch. I think the cast of the Thai version is extremely good, and I think they're very funny. I think they all play off really well together, and I think the overall set of arcs that all the characters go through are really satisfying in that story.

The anime is probably my favorite. The Thai cast is just so likable. The anime cast is… not? And I think I like them more for that. We talked a lot about the Thai adaptation earlier when we had Shan on the podcast. Let's talk a little bit about anime one specifically. 

Twig, what were some of your standouts and notes you took while we were watching this?

Twig

The anime is my favorite version too, not because it's better, but because I had a little more fun with the way the characters are less perfect. Adachi in the anime��� he's a little bit mean! And it's delightful. I love a mean twink, and Adachi in the anime version of Cherry Magic—he's a little sullen and a little mean, and he hates people a little bit. He's got a little bit of a misanthropy thing going on that is missing—from my taste—from the other versions of Adachi. 

My favorite moment is when he's standing on a street corner and he sees a couple canoodling, and he's. Just like, “Ugh, straight people.” [laughs] And it's like, yes! Go off.

Ben

He's always calling people normies in his head. It’s so fucking funny. [laughs]

Twig

It's like, “Fuck normies.” Like, yes, I love you! [NiNi and Twig laugh] He's also, like, a little bit less afraid to use his power for his own benefit. There's multiple times where he's like, “Oh, I'm just gonna find out what this person's thinking just because I wanna know.” And he has does moral qualms about it. I really enjoy that more morally gray character that we get in the anime.

NiNi

I have a question, actually, about the use of the different mediums and cultures. Is there anything that, for example, in the anime version, the medium of anime allows them to do that wouldn't play as well in a live action version, or vice versa even?

Ben

There's a really great example of that around the date episode. The [Thai] episode ends with Achi first having a long conversation with Jinta at their cafe, and then he goes to Karan and they have a really big heart to heart moment. That is probably the best way to do that in live action. The actors only have to build the emotions once. Today we are filming this really big emotional scene about the date, and the actors can be ready for that. 

But what I think anime allows you to do is the story can spread those scenes across multiple locations. In the anime version Adachi and Kurosawa unpack their bad date across a series of interactions, across like one or two days. A little bit at work, a little bit while they’re walking in the street, a little bit hanging out at a bar later, and then walking home.

You can do that in anime because you just can place the recordings at the settings that you want to put them in. And I prefer the way the anime handled the fallout of that bad date, but it's harder to do that in live action because it's hard to get the actors to deliver the right chemistry and mood in eight filming locations for a single overarching conversation.

Twig

I think also there is something about the medium that allows the characters to be a little bit more gray and still be lovable because everybody is in more of an extreme. If actors were trying to portray the level of intensity of emotion the anime characters do, that—it would feel very off putting. But characters are allowed to make giant faces beyond what a human can actually make in reality, [Ben laughs] and so I think it's easier to allow people to be more dislikeable and still be loved.

Ben

Twig and I really like how unlikable the anime cast is. That may seem incredibly weird, but like Rokkaku is so insufferable in the early episodes. And like, Fujisaki as a fujo is way more off-putting. Adachi is such a bitch, and then Kurosawa is intense and also aloof. I understand why Kurosawa is single in this version.

Twig

Yes, yes, exactly. [laughs]

Ben

With Karan it’s like, “Why is this man single?” And with Achi, it's like, “My body’s tofu.” Sir, you are New Thittipoom. [Ben and NiNi laugh] We are looking at them trying to pretend like you don't have these enormous fucking shoulders with the way they cut that shirt. Please. 

That gets a little bit fanciful in Cherry Magic Thailand that these guys are single, because they're both really emotionally available for the most part. Achi is just kind of shy.

Twig

Yeah. I also just really like how much more Adachi as a character makes his own decisions proactively in the anime. In the other two versions, Achi and Adachi, feel very led along by the hand by Kurosawa and Karan.

NiNi

Okay, so I think we have a hierarchy. We have a best, a favorite and an original, I think. If that's a hierarchy.

Ben

If you're asking us in a vacuum, like, what's the best one like to show someone so that they'll be impressed with the Cherry Magic story, they should watch the Thai version.

Twig

Yeah.

Ben

If you're asking us what I think my favorite expression of the story is, I really think it's the anime. I really like this version of the cast, like, I like Tsuge and Minato the most in the anime, too. I don't really wanna recommend the original Japanese live action anymore. And it's not because I think they did a bad job with that one. It's just, they made some changes to the story and ended up kind of spinning around towards the end.

Twig

One of the things I focus on about all of the adaptations is that whatever changes were made to the story, the way the characters are changed to work with that was done really well. The characters feel true in each version of the story, and they feel different in each adaptation as a result.

Ben

For those of you who don't watch a lot of anime, or for those of you who do watch anime, there are some real knocks on Cherry Magic anime. The walk animations are not great, particularly when someone's coming from the background to the foreground. Oh my God. There's a Kurosawa walking towards him moment that will haunt me for the rest of the time. [Twig laughs] 

I feel like I have to make that note because anime fans are very particular about animation and art. This is from a B-tier studio. So, be nice.

00:10:17 - Inbox: Remaking Het Romances into QL

NiNi

Let's move on to our next question that comes from happypotato48. And they write, “With all the recent news about Thai bl remakes and adaptations, it's getting me thinking if the industry is going to do remakes, why only BL, why not remake old hetero dramas or movies into QL/ GL/BL? So my question is, if you could pick one older or more recent non-queer Asian media that you wish to get remade into a QL/GL/BL, which one would you pick?”

I mean, I have my clear answers.

Ben

I really want you to go first because you are far more familiar with het romance than I am.

NiNi

My number one answer to this kind of question is always going to be Twenty-Five Twenty-One, because as far as I'm concerned, Twenty-Five Twenty-One is already a GL, they just got confused about what it was supposed to be. Twenty-Five Twenty-One is a Korean sports drama about fencers, and it has one of the greatest female/female relationships, supposedly a friendship, but I'm sorry, this was a romance to me. As far as I'm concerned, these two girls fell in love and it made me completely hungry for sports GL. That hunger that has not yet been appropriately fulfilled.

My other answer, which is an interesting one ‘cause I've been trying to get Ben to watch this. It's My Country: The New Age, fantastic historical kdrama about the birth of the Joseon era. Very warriors’ bond. And yeah, I would make that BL. I think it would work really, really well. 

What about you Twig? Where’s your head at with this question?

Twig

All right, so I had one immediately come to mind because I'm still mad that it wasn't queer to begin with. It felt like it was supposed to be. Nana. Nana is a Japanese manga, I think they even did a live action. It's about these two women who are both named Nana moving into an apartment together, and they are so queer and the underlying theme of the show is so queer. Everybody in that show is so queer. And then they made them straight, and I'm still mad about it. I'm like, “You were wrong. You're just wrong about who these characters are and who they're in love with.” That one absolutely needs to be made into a GL, please and thank you. Also the aesthetic would make me very happy. [laughs] So I just want to see it. 

The other one that came to mind is partially because I'm watching it now, but Hospital Playlist. It’s right there. It would be so easy to remake as a BL.

NiNi

Who would you put together?

Twig

Oh don't, don't put me on the spot. [laughs]

NiNi

Come on. I'm putting you on the spot. Who would you put together?

Twig

Who would you choose?

NiNi

Ik Jun and Jun Wan, I would absolutely make them a couple. I think they're fantastic. Not that I don't love Hospital Playlist exactly as it is, but if there had been an Ik Jun/Jun Wan romance, I would have also loved that. 

What about you, Ben? Where do you sit with this?

Ben

This one is always a difficult question for me because the reason I'm watching Asian drama is for queer reasons. So like, I don't go out of my way to watch a bunch of that stuff. So unfortunately I do not have a het drama that I would like to see redone as a BL. The ones I've seen were basically BL already, like Coffee Prince is clear. It does not need to be remade to be more BL. And I don't actually think that Goblin would be better if it was a BL. I think it works as it is, and I don't really want to change that. 

So I'm going to cheat. I'm not using an Asian drama for this. I want to see a gay version of Really Love. Which is like this generation’s Love Jones.

NiNi

This generation has a Love Jones?

Ben

It's really fucking good.

NiNi

Am I gonna have to watch this?

Ben

You really should. You need to go write this down and go watch it. These two people who are vibing at, like, maybe not the right time in their lives and the success that they're starting to get professionally and creatively is getting in the way of their ability to have the romance that is really important to them. 

I think about that film at least once a month. I'd like to see a gay version of that.

NiNi

I have made a note, dear friend.

Ben

And it's about black people. So you should watch it.

NiNi

Always a win.

Ben

One of the reasons why I have really taken to Asian dramas is the west—particularly Americans—really fucking hate romance and I really like how earnestly—particularly Korean dramas—engage with romance. I think it's what makes BL possible. There's a real appreciation for romance itself in this part of the world. 

I wish I had a better answer for this one, because I think it's a fun question.

NiNi

That's gonna wrap us up on the questions this season. Thank you guys so much. We always love hearing from our listeners. Please, don't be a lurker, don't be shy. Please send us questions. We love them so much.

00:16:04 - Catch Up Corner: Young Royals Season 3

NiNi 

So before we get into the things that I actually watched, like way, way behind the curve, like two years behind the curve, let's get into some of the stuff that we actually caught up on this season that was, I suppose, current. There's two things that we had been waiting for. The first one was the third season of Young Royals and the second was finally being able to watch Man Suang. 

Let's talk a little bit about Young Royals 3. I watched the whole thing. Ben still has not finished it. Ben, what did you think of the parts of Young Royals 3 that you have watched so far? How far have you gotten into it? Are you planning to finish it? And what do you think of it? 

Ben 

I got to Simon is grounded, Wille can't really leave the school now because of the curfew. I think that's as far as I got. I'll say this much: I like that this show seems to take the reality of dating a public figure seriously. I like that Simon is struggling with being online because you can't not be online in the modern age, and he is not given any real training for how to deal with it. Wille is given no fucking training either, he's like, “I'll handle it.” Really? Y’all let this impulsive boy who punches people whenever he gets mad and then just says whatever on national TV, he's in charge of teaching him on how to engage with social media? Okay, sure. Whatever. 

But I'm enjoying the struggle they're having with being public. It's different when your whole relationship has been kind of closeted and now you're suddenly out. You have to get used to what that means, and maybe this isn't exactly what you wanted. I like where it feels like the show is going on the front end, but because I know there's a lot of angst ahead for them and I haven’t been in a very high energy mood for a bit to deal with that, I have not been in a hurry to continue it. 

NiNi 

Though we, the show has presented this thing about being in a relationship with a public figure, for me, tying that back to some of the Asian BL that I've seen, I always go back to the Lovely Writer well. Having these stories in the western context is always really interesting. Interesting in the sense of, I haven't seen something like this be done in the queer western space, but also in the fact that I've seen these stories now. I've seen them in the Asian space and so they feel familiar enough that I don't feel like they’re anything new or exciting, necessarily. 

Did I enjoy Young Royals 3? I really did. But in terms of the Simon and Wille stuff, I like them. I enjoy their romance, I always have. But I felt a little bit like it had been done. And that's because I've been seeing these stories play out in Asian media for a while at this point. I thought that they did a great job writing it. I thought that it was fantastically acted. There's a sequence when Wille and Simon go swimming in the lake at sunrise that I think is definitely worth watching the entire season for, but, I feel like it's been done. 

Ben 

I will say on the way out from Young Royals that I want to applaud Omar Rudberg and Edvin Ryding for the execution of BGP over the last three or four years that they've been working together. I think those two have done a great job of managing the public version of their friendship and the professional requirements therein. They seem to have a really good handle on it, and it seems like their team did a really great job preparing them for all of this. They seem surprisingly chill for people who have gone through the BGP gauntlet.

NiNi 

It has been some gauntlet and Edvin is a young actor in his first major role. I am very impressed with how he's handled himself. 

Ben 

It's just not one of the shows that I am most excited to watch, and some of that is me being kind of grumpy politically. When we're trying to advocate for non-English language media people seemingly struggle with having to read subtitles and don't wanna watch foreign content as a result. But had no problem showing up for this show. There's a wider conversation to have about how fandom will do anything for a white man, even read subtitles. 

NiNi 

Say it. 

Ben 

It's frustrating. I feel like I'm pettily not finishing Young Royals because I don't enjoy how people who say they want more queer stories have ignored BL and then bitched that there's no great queer stories and they watch Young Royals and they're like, “Oh my goodness, I've never seen anything like this.”

I will finish Young Royals. But I am frustrated with the Western audience rushing to watch this show, and then snubbing anything Asian immediately afterwards. 

00:21:23 - Catch Up Corner: Man Suang

NiNi 

The next thing we're gonna talk about a little bit is Man Suang. This is finally, finally been made available to those of us in the West and in an English language subtitle version. 

I really enjoyed this—this is not gay. Or to be more clear, it is not obviously gay. But I thought this was a really interesting piece from Be On Cloud. 

Ben 

I did not watch this. I need you to tell me like, what is going on in Man Suang? Like, what's the drama here? [NiNi laughs] What is even the story they're telling? 

NiNi 

Oh, I get to summarize something. Okay, bear with me. 

Man Suang is a story about Khem, played by Apo Nattawin. When Khem is a dancer and after he dances, he basically gets called back by these various men, women, it doesn't matter, to come to their rooms and perform sexually for them. At the beginning of the film, some assassin sneaks into where they are and kills the guy that he's with, who is a very important guy. He tries to save him and can't, and he's then caught and arrested because of course it's assumed that he is the one who tried to assassinate this guy. And so to save his own life, he agrees to go undercover at this very fancy club called Man Suang. He gets a job there as a dancer and he meets this Chinese-Thai guy called Chatra, who is played by Mile Phakphum. It eventually becomes known to him that he and Chatra are basically on the same side, spying at this club, so they form an alliance and a friendship and possibly something more. But whatever more is happening is sort of subsumed by his trauma. 

Basically, it is a spy story. This feels about mid- to late-1800s in Old Siam. There's a lot of Chinese migration, that integral part of the story. Bas plays Khem’s friend, Wan, who is sent to Man Suang with him to join in the spy mission. Tong plays Hong, who is part of the family who owns Man Suang. They don't know whose side he's on. There's a lot of intrigue. There's a lot of drama, there's a lot of very familiar faces. 

I don't know how to describe the movie other than to say it is intriguing. It is gorgeous. I am not entirely sure the story holds together all the way. My understanding as well, which, I don't know if this is correct, its that the version that we have gotten on Netflix is an edited version. It certainly feels that way. I feel like there are bits of the story that are missing that we are expected to fill in. But the acting is fantastic and particularly as we get down to the climax of the story, there is some phenomenal acting from Bas and Tong. 

I have explained this terribly. When I edit this down it is going to be explained even more terribly. I wish that you had watched this so that you could explain it properly for our listeners. What I will say is that it's a gorgeous piece of cinema. It's beautiful to watch. Everybody is operating at a very high level in terms of the acting. It's a good film, it's not a great film. 

Ben 

I'll probably watch it at some point. 

00:25:12 - Catch Up Corner: DNA Says Love You

NiNi 

Our final catch up is, I finally watched DNA Says Love You! Ben, I'm gonna let you remind the listeners of what DNA Says Love You is about.

Ben 

DNA Says Love You is about this group of friends who are, it feels like late college kids, who are trying to make their little ghost hunting YouTube channel function. The guy and his friend had this other friend when they were growing up, who ended up leaving and they've missed her for a long time. This new guy shows up mysteriously and seems to be connected to her. And you spend most of the show wondering what sort of mystery may be going on here. Is there something spooky going on? Is this a trans story? We're not entirely certain what's happening there. 

When we finally get confirmation about what's going on, the reveals are really great and there's a really interesting execution of a… unexpected queer romance here. I'm gonna continue to talk around the reveals around Amber, because while I don't subscribe to spoiler culture, I do think the presumptions you bring to the table are part of the experience of this particular show, and I don't like revealing the full truth about Amber when I describe it to people who may not have seen it. 

NiNi 

Yeah, I think that's the right instinct. The first time we talked about the show, I remember you describing the show and thinking to myself. Okay, well, from that description I know what this is about. And then I go into the show and actually, no, I didn't know what it was about. I think that that experience is the right experience to have with this show. I think allowing the show to take you on the journey is the only way really to watch it? So I also will not be spoiling the show. 

We're gonna continue to talk around what it is, but I do want to say, having watched it now, I am going to echo Ben's praise of Erek Lin, who plays Amber. I think that Erek Lin did an incredible job with this character. I enjoyed the story. I love that this is a story about friendship more than anything else, and about what it is to be a friend and what it means to carry somebody in your heart for a really long time. 

I thoroughly enjoyed this. Is it perfect? No. There are a few things that I wish that the show had done—not differently, but probably given some more time and attention to. And then there's some side characters who I found fun and interesting, but I was a little confused about how they fit overall into the story. 

Ben 

I don't think the connective tissue with all of the romance bits going on was necessarily great in this. But I did appreciate the established gay couple sides who are dealing with a potential separation in their future. There's a whole thing of, like, growing pains and growing up in their story that I really connected to. 

NiNi 

Fair enough, but I wasn't entirely sure how they fit into the story thematically, or really, to be honest, narratively. They seemed to be sort of off to the side in their own little story. But yeah, overall, really good show. If I were in the business of recommending things, I absolutely would recommend it. 

Ben 

You have been recommending things with me for over two years now. Highly recommended, go watch it! 

This show is about a queer experience that very rarely gets depicted in any kind of media. This is worth watching. 

NiNi 

Well said, sir. Well said. 

00:29:23 - Twig’s Dispatch

Ben 

We are going to introduce a new segment to the lagniappe of The Conversation, Twig’s Dispatch. We wanted to make sure we gave airtime to all of the shows that we choose either not to discuss on the show or we didn't think warranted a very long conversation. 

NiNi 

The point of the segment is for Twig to just do a round up of what's out there that we may not have seen, may not have wanted to watch, may not have been able to put effort into at the time to get a sense of the landscape and also for Twig to point out, hey, maybe you should watch this one. 

Ben 

So Twig, why don't you run us down your list of shows? 

Twig 

Dispatch! Hey-o! 

So I've got 12 pieces of media that weren't on the list of stuff you've discussed in the season. My Universe it's on iQIYI, 12 two-part episodes that are only very lightly linked together. It felt like a series of school projects. There was a body swap, mistaken identity, in love with your sibling’s friend, destined lovers, enemies to lovers, love Triangle, a coach and an athlete, fake dating turns real, a twincest episode—it did walk a fine line, it made me very uncomfortable—age gap, paid companionship, and terminal illness. If you love one of those tropes, you can just watch that one miniseries associated with that trope, I guess. 

There was a lot of not very well handled difficult subjects in these, so if you have any need for warnings, I would check for the warnings about the episodes you might wanna watch. If you're curious and wanna try one of them, my favorite one was Right Time, Right You, the destined lovers one, episodes five six. It's a little bit lighter than some of the other ones and has some of the better acting. There's also three or four different directors who, you can try out a bunch of different creators and see how you feel about them, which is kind of fun from a viewer perspective. 

Night Dream is actually one of the ones that I like more. It's a second chance romance. I think it's on YouTube, childhood friends, Night and Dream. meet again after Dream had disappeared from Night's life for years and fall back into this sort of will they, won't they that comes from being closeted. This is one of the ones that I liked because it felt a little more queer and they did some interesting things with flashbacks, so we got a mid-series reveal that I thought was actually pretty well done. If you have time and you're open to a slightly more queer feeling story, it's worth giving a shot. 

Going in with low expectations is a good idea, but it's not a terrible waste of your time. 

NiNi 

Bake Me?

Twig 

The actual show was last season, but the special episode landed this season. My biggest complaint about this show was there wasn't enough baking. It was a really frustrating plot. Special episodes, you just have to have something to give people a chance to be with those characters again and see them be cute, really. Right? But they didn't take that route. 

For Shin’s birthday Peach ignores him for days, so that Shin thinks that Peach is gonna leave him, so that he could surprise Shin on his birthday as like the worst birthday gift ever. I [laughs] was not into it. I don't love a big lie as a plot device for a relationship. 

Ben 

VIP Only? 

Twig 

My biggest note about this show was Liu Li coming into his own, being self assured and exercising his own agency and figuring himself out was actually great, but it came way too late. He was so much more interesting as a character when he actually took control of his life, but he was just so passive for so many episodes. What I love about it was he lets go of what he thought love was, that juvenile understanding of what love looks like, to realize what love really is. I thought that was a really cool arc and I was really sad that it wasn't treated better. 

Love Senior the Series. Oh, I had such high hopes for this one, guys. It is essentially the lesbian version of SOTUS. It's a hazing ritual that happens with engineering. The first seven episodes were so great, we got lesbians who were thirsty for each other and they were actually more successful than their gay male counterparts in overturning the systems. We got a character who had casual sex, and it's fine. Yes, anti-purity culture! And then episode 8 happened and someone got drugged, there was slut shaming, there was a car accident, there was amnesia, and then noble idiocy—literally every one of my least favorite tropes. I guess they felt like they needed to have more for their characters to do, but I was, like, really enjoying them just being lesbians and horny for each other. Like, what was wrong with that?

Ben 

Anyway, what is You and My Stars? 

Twig 

That was just a little micro series of two episodes by Mind Trio. They're like a little indie BL-producing YouTube channel that I like to follow. They did my favorite show that no one heard of, Calculating Love. It's not actually that good, but it makes me happy. [laughs]

This one is a little love triangle—I think it's like 25 minutes total—and it's one of the better ones on this list for sure. There's two friends, Hunter and Win. And Win likes this guy Time, but he finds out that Time likes Hunter and so Win tries to help Time to woo Hunter, but Hunter steps away and then we find out who Hunter likes. But I will not spoil it. It's cute. There's some star folding, hence the name. 

After Sundown: essentially, they took the plot of Cutie Pie, but added ghosts, which sounds like it should be really fun. And so it was really disappointing how boring this movie was. [laughs] A poor kid comes to a large estate and is betrothed to a rich guy who's been cursed because his grandfather was gay. That's the summary. That should be really interesting! It was not. I was so bored. 

NiNi

Twins the Series.

Twig

Of all the sports to get wrong in a gay series. How dare you? So these twins, Zee and Sprite, Zee plays volleyball, Sprite does judo. Zee gets beaten up by guys who were looking for his twin Sprite, so Sprite feels guilty and takes Zee’s place on the volleyball team to make sure that Zee can still qualify to compete for the national team later that year. He has to integrate with the team in order to hide the fact that he's not Zee, but he's first of all really bad at pretending to be his twin, and also it takes until I think it was, like, episode 8 before he actually got volleyball lessons from anyone? I was like, what are you doing? He's pretending to be one of the top athletes in a sport that he doesn't know how to play, and nobody notices for the entire series. I was aghast. 

Sprite, the one pretending to be the volleyball player, falls for a teammate named First who hates Zee, the twin who he's pretending to be. The Big Lie went on for way too long. It doesn't get revealed till the very end. And First does not get to be angry about it for nearly long enough for my taste. The leads did have mad chemistry, and Ryan's waist is fantastic, so you know who, kudos to them for working with what they got. 

Do we talk about For Him? What I kind of wanna say about For Him is: pay your actors, and we'll talk about your show. Give Tor Atagorn another show. That was my takeaway from that show. 

NiNi 

Happy Ending. 

Twig 

My favorite thing about this is all of the lore, because everybody went into it going, “Oh, it's Strongberry, it's going to be good” and then it wasn't. And then Strongberry came out and was like, “It wasn't really us, we distributed it.” I mean, the director said outright, “I wanted to make a sad short with an ambiguous ending.” and that's what we got, and I think now he's realizing that maybe wasn't the best goal. 

NiNi 

Bringing things forward that people may not have heard about, there is a BL that came out from Myanmar called Healing Thingyan. 

Twig 

This is a little YouTube miniseries. It takes place as friends celebrate the Thingyan Festival over a period of a few different years. It's short, it's cute, it's free, and it's the only show from Myanmar that I've seen where nobody died. So [laughs] already it's crossing over the bar into things that I'm happier to send support to. 

One of the things that I feel like has to be said about anything coming out of Myanmar is the political situation. As long as it wasn't really bad, I was going to tell people to watch it because I wanna encourage views on shows where people are struggling against the political climate they're in in order to be able to show this kind of content. This show had to pass a censorship board to be made, so don't expect a kiss, but they're surprisingly cute for what they're allowed to make and in a country where the penalties are severe for making things that could be seen as encouraging quote unquote of queerness, I feel really strongly about sending views towards this thing. 

Support local Burmese shows. Give it a shot. Give Myanmar some love. 

NiNi 

That's our first ever Twig’s dispatch. Thanks for being here with us, Twig. 

Twig 

Thanks for having me again. 

00:38:35 - Winter Round Up

NiNi 

Always a fun time having Twig on the show, new friend of the pod. I like that we're building up this stable of friends of the pod. I like hearing the voices of BL fandom on our show. It's great fun. 

Ben 

It's also like inviting friends over to your house, like it's different when you're just hanging out and doing stuff. But every time your friends come over, you have to clean up and shit. [Ben and NiNi laugh] There's a lot more extra effort on the front and back end now. 

NiNi 

Let's talk about the season as was. Ben, I know you have some complex, complicated, mixed moody kinds of thoughts about how this season went. 

Ben 

It's tough. The most obvious thing from our release schedule that stands out this season is this is, I think, the first time Japan has outnumbered Thailand in our number of shows we talked about—oh, wait, nevermind. They caught up because of Twig. 

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

NiNi 

In terms of long form discussion, we talk more about the Japanese this season. That is true. 

Ben 

This is the most we've talked about Japanese content on this podcast since we started, which is a real win for me because that's what I enjoy the most. But it's also a reflection of what's going on. Thailand is still out-producing everyone, but it's less about countries now and more about production teams and studios. We managed to have a really great conversation around Cherry Magic and Cooking Crush about what longevity looks like in BL. Now that there are more players actively engaged in the genre, it's not just us talking about 8 to 10 Thai BLs, the one or two Japanese shows that got released, the maybe Korean project that got released, the maybe Taiwanese project that got released. There's a whole lot more people playing in the space now. 

My own life responsibilities have forced me to cut back on being present for every BL. The gap between a show I really am enjoying and engaged with and a show I'm not but I’m trying to stick with is a lot further than it's ever been, and I find it a lot harder to cross that gap. I'm relieved that we have more friends now because I can ask people what's going on. That's been the big shift for me. Being more cognizant of my own time and how I'm investing myself emotionally in the shows. I don't like showing up grumpy to productions. I don't really like being in a foul mood when I'm watching shows. I don't think that's fair to the shows and I don't think that's good for me emotionally either. 

NiNi 

This is generally where I've been overall, but that's just a function of my life right now. I've been so busy, even this season, I tried to watch as much as possible, but they are definitely things that just did not happen. And going forward they're going to be shows that I don't watch. Ben'll tell you my standard comment now when a new show comes up is, y'all tell me whether I need to watch this. There's some stuff that I'm definitely gonna be watching. That's not a quality bar, trust me, because there is some trash that I fully intend to watch [cough sound] cough We Are. 

But [laughs] yeah, my thing is, as Shan said in the year in review, reclaiming my time a little bit. I don't have the time that I did have and the time that I am spending to do this stuff, I want it to be time that I enjoy. Watching stuff with my friends, talking about that stuff that I enjoyed or at least was bad in an interesting way with my friends, that's what I'm gonna be focused on, not on getting volume. So it's really now question of y'all tell me what I need to watch because you really wanna discuss it, and that's actually in a lot of ways working out really well for us, I think.

So, I'm good to keep that going. I also like us having more friends to have these discussions with now. Ben and I agreed from the beginning that if this stopped being fun, we're gonna stop doing it. We're definitely still having fun with this, but we're having fun in different ways now than we did when we started, and this show is always gonna evolve along those lines. Whatever is fun for us now is what we're gonna be doing. So you would have heard a couple of really fun segments this season. 

One segment that we're not sure is going to keep going is the Catch Up Corner. Going forward, we don't know how much catch up there's gonna be in this show cause we just, we don't really have time to catch up on everything. 

Ben 

All I caught up on this season was two long ass Chinese dramas. [laughs]

NiNi 

Ginny and Shan have gotten Ben into the cdrama space, which is a space, I'm sorry, they're too long. I can't do it. [laughs]

Ben 

Nah nah, NiNi. All of these shows should be longer, 40 episodes, 58 episodes—

NiNi 

Oh my God.

Ben

68 episodes!

NiNi 

I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. 

Ben 

Every single show should go on for half a year, multiple times a week. We should end in the middle of a sentence. 

NiNi 

[laughs] You're terrible. You're really, truly terrible. 

Ben 

In terms of catching up on BL, it isn't our style to show up super duper late to the fandom experience and talk over it. We don't wanna be those people. And so if we didn't engage with a show during the season, we probably won't have an extensive conversation about it. We're probably going to rely on the fact that we have friends now to highlight those shows if we didn't show up for them for whatever reason. So that we get a conversation around the time it released. But if something pops up, like, what happened recently for NiNi when we finally got her to watch something, we’ll try to bring it to you and give you some reactions. 

00:44:45 - Girl, You Tried

NiNi 

Girl, You Tried. Who are our contenders this season? 

Ben 

[funny voice] Oh my God. This is probably the most difficult Girl, You Tried we've ever had because things were either bad and it's like, “Oh, absolutely not.” And then there are things that are like, “What was she even doing?” So I think legit contenders for Girl, You Tried: Chaser Game W, The Sign?

NiNi 

I think it's those two. 

Ben 

Yeah, I was gonna say, I wanna kind of put Sukidoya there, but that feels mean. 

NiNi 

No, I think Sukidoya was better than that. 

Ben 

Exactly. That's the constant problem this season. There are things that didn't necessarily land exactly but they didn't really fail, or there were things that were just like, “Oh, absolutely not. We're not giving you an award for that.” [Ben and NiNi laugh]

I think it's really Chaser Game W and The Sign. 

NiNi 

So between those two, if I had to pick. 

Ben 

You do. That's the bit! 

NiNi 

[laughs] I think The Sign tried harder than Chaser Game W. So for me it's The Sign. 

What do you think? 

Ben 

It is The Sign because Saint really did try. There's a lot of effort that went into The Sign. While we have some real consternation with it as a piece of copaganda, and as a maybe too-watered-down adaptation of its source material and kind of confusing plot threads, I think there's a lot of real effort that went into that. I think the performances are really earnest. It's not a half-assed production in any way. While it doesn't land exactly for me, I think it is probably the best Girl, You Tried [laughs] show we have. 

NiNi 

Going back to the original intent of Girl, You Tried, it was really for something with a good concept, but problematic execution. I think The Sign fits into that. I think that they had the right ideas. I think that maybe they got in the weeds and did not know how to get back out. 

So, dubious congratulations to IdolFactory!

Ben 

I don't want you all to feel bad about Girl, You Tried. I think there's a lot of great stuff in your show. I think the efforts that went into CGI work are really noteworthy. There's technical gains there that are gonna be really beneficial for the Thai media landscape, even well beyond BL. I really thank them for introducing Babe Tanatat to us, because I really like him! [laughs]

NiNi 

And will cosign on Gap Jakarin. I am a fan. 

Ben 

We got to see Yoshi again! I haven't seen Yoshi properly since, like, Love Sick. 

NiNi 

It is the Girl Who Tried. 

00:47:35 - Look Ahead

NiNi 

Let's look ahead to the future. Give me one thing you're looking forward to this season or something that you're watching now that you're looking forward to talkin’ about. 

Ben 

I'm really, really looking forward to talking about Love is Better the Second Time Around. We just finished episode four of six as of this recording and it's still going very strong. I'm excited to talk about Unknown. I'm only two episodes in and it is really intriguing. I'm having a good time with that one, I'm looking forward to discussing that. I am hoping that 23.5 is a really good discussion for us. I would really like to have a positive conversation about Thai GL. I really want Milk and Love’s show to be really good. I love them both a lot, and it's really important to me that the show go over really well. 

NiNi 

My disaster loser lesbian love Ongsa. I want to say so much about what Milk is bringing to this role, so I am also [Ben laughs] looking forward to talking about 23.5. One of the things that I like about it so far is that it does not feel like flipped BL. It feels like a GL. It feels very specific to a lesbian experience and I am excited by that. 

I can't say I'm looking forward to, but I'm gonna watch We Are. I just am. Ben’s on my case already, I'm on Ben’s case already. We both have feelings about New Siwaj, opposite direction feelings. We're both gonna be watching this grumpily, but for different reasons. 

Ben 

I just don't really know what's gonna happen in this. It's gonna be 16 episodes of people vibing. We already went through this with the fuckin’ Star in My Mind Our Skyy episode. 

NiNi 

But you see the difference is that unlike things like Star in My Mind and Hidden Agenda, we are being told upfront that this show is about nothing. 

Ben 

Well, I'm glad you're looking forward to four months of nothing. 

NiNi 

We've already established that right now I'm in a very busy time of my life, so something I can watch mindlessly and enjoy the pretty, I will jump on. I mean, Phuwin’s here? Everybody loves Phuwin. 

Ben 

That's not how I'm built! [Ben and NiNi laugh]

NiNi 

For me this is really simple. Phuwin is here. We love Phuwin. I am looking forward to seeing what Winny and Satang give. I am very interested in seeing AouBoom. I grew to love Boom through the mess that was Hidden Agenda and I am looking forward to seeing what he brings to the table here. There isn't much of a table but they are going to lay it as best as they can. 

I am also looking forward to watching Unknown and Love is Better the Second Time Around. Looking forward to catching up with those once they're complete. 

Ben 

I'm excited for Living With Him. We've got an interesting one from Korea called Gray Shelter. We've got a meta one coming from Japan called At 25:00 in Akasaka, which is about two guys preparing to film a BL and complicated feelings coming in. 

Up Poompat is going to be back with us again in My Stand In. He's gonna be playing across Poom. That one looks like it's gonna be messy as hell, and I think Up is well suited for that kind of messy. 

There is another Korean one on the horizon called Boys Be Brave, and A Man Who Defies the World of BL 3 is supposed to release [laughs] sometime in April. I'm excited to see Inukai again. I'm excited to see Yutaro again. I'm excited to see Idegami Baku again. Very, very happy about this. 

NiNi 

I'm excited to catch up actually with Zettai BL. I have been meaning to watch that for years, so I might take advantage of this opportunity. 

So that's what we're looking forward to coming up. Going forward, we're going to be switching things up a little bit in terms of our schedule of when things come out. We're still going to be seasonal, but probably on a more extended schedule, bring us a little bit closer to real time. So look out for announcements from us, but for now that's going to wrap us up on the lagniappe and going to wrap us up on the spring season. 

We out! Say bye to the people, Ben. 

Ben 

Peace. 

[caribbean-ace]

Alright so it’s been a hot minute since i’ve been here, life truly gets in the way and i feel that i’m going through the motions but finally after the buzz has settled i wanted to reflect a bit on Station 19 season 6.

I think we’re standing at a different place than we were by the end of season 5 and i believe that’s great. We went from that insanity -not in a good way- of season to something much much better. Few changes were made and it showed from the very beginning of season 6. To put it simply it was raw, by far the rawest season in terms of storyline, obviously because of what Maya went through, the repercutions it had on Carina and so on… Mental health was the overall arc for season 6 and honestly? I loved how it played out… Fair to say a LOT of people saw themselves in Carina and Maya which sparked the conversation -the very much needed conversation-

It was a rollercoaster but i’m glad we went through those moments because it lead to a healthier outcome instead of a quick fix it showed a more realistic side of a journey that can’t be taken lightly. On the other hand i wished they would’ve handled the Beckett story a bit better, by the end of it the writers made a good job by Vic checking up on him and just sparkling that conversation. I enjoyed the brief love triangle between Andy/Eli/Travis, it would have been funnier that they explored that angle deeper but i guess it turned out alright.

The expectations were so high when a female chief was announced but it turns out that it was just another love interest for a man, love to see it (please notice the sarcasm). While i don’t mind that Ross had history with Sullivan i kinda hated how her character just became the woman simping for the guy. They tried to redeem her a bit but it wasn’t enough. I would have LOVED that she actually made some changes within SFD to support women and actually make things better. Remember the storyline about fighting sexism? Yeah, me too. Anyways it was terrible that she was shamed for having a consensual relationship with another adult but it makes me grit my teeth the double standards: the whole you’re heroic for basically organizing a mutiny but when someone breaks protocol for saving a life that’s wrong or having a relationship with someone who outranks you but we’re totally ignoring that too, i get it, it’s for the sake of drama but certain things needs to make sense.

All that leads me to Andy being captain, we all saw it coming, there’s no way Maya was going to be captain again -at least not while being on 19- and while it should have been handled a bit better (the woman does have ambitions and putting a pause to pursue her dreams to heal does not mean she needs to abandon it) i think Andy deserved something a bit better, not just: alright you’re captain now. At least her first “shift” as captain was packed with action but still…

And that also brings me to Theo: at first he was like alright, laid back dude, gets the job done but the second he got promoted it’s like it flipped a switch on him especially being such an ass to Vic for absolutely no reason like ??? But at least she left him, i really liked how she pointed out that being happy for her friend does not mean she’s not supporting him (i wonder if that friendship also extends to Maya, after yk, call her a nasty person and do absolutely nothing to stand for her. Yes i will always be bitter about how everyone turned their backs on Maya).

Jack can’t seem to catch a break and God knows what’s gonna happen to him but at least he’s healthier and trying to stay out of other people’s relationships which i’m glad. I loved how Ben and Miranda where kinda there for Maya and Carina (i say kinda because it’s not like Maya had the greatest support out there but Ben did listen so that’s something. Also shout out to Diane, she’s incredible and i love whenever she appears)

Finally -because this is way too long lol- we know where we are standing in terms of Maya and Carina growing their family, for a solid minute i thought well, they are being ambiguous because it’s probably leading to that but no, it wasn’t. I wasn’t mad that they didn’t make Carina pregnant by the end of the season, if anything the scenes where they are discussing how many kids and stuff makes it so much more meaningful because Maya is obviously in such a better head space. Oh and just as a quick comment: Carina should have gone to therapy too, she needed to heal from that rocky period of time and it would have been cool to see her perspective, even if we saw sneak peaks with Vic, Miranda and Diane i believe sitting down and leading to a backstory would have been so much better.

If you got to this point i love you, i wanted to ramble a bit and finally found the moment to sit down and put this together (it’s a bit all over the place, just like my brain but bare with me). Catch you on season 7🤍

[callistawolf]

My thoughts while watching Bridgerton Season 3 Part 2 -- SPOILERS!!

I took notes while watching Bridgerton earlier today so that I could refer back to them when talking to my ladies next week. And then I thought, I could just post them here (under a cut and with SPOILER WARNING aplenty) so I'm gonna.

Again, if you weren't aware... SPOILERS FOR BRIDGERTON S3 PT 2!!!!!!!!!

Episode 5

I'm confused on who's side I should be on. Eloise is right that Pen needs to tell Colin but also Eloise is the least observant best friend in the world and that ain't a great look.

Cressida's news about her parents marrying her off has Eloise kinda thrown and she's brooding and is this where we start to see her "everyone's getting married and i'm left alone" stuff? Cuz that's how you get an Eloise season you guys.

Maybe we'll see her writing letters in s4?

I also hope she's realizing her own self absorption here. Cressida's situation is no bueno.

re: Pen and Colin doing the deed - now they HAVE to get married. I've read enough historical romances to know that once they knock boots its imperative they get married in case of babies. No walking this back now! No matter how mad he gets, it's a done deal.

I totally get why she's too scared to tell him. But at the same time COME ON.

How am I feeling bad for CRESSIDA??

Wait. Is the Mondrich boy going to end up with Hyacinth instead of the Danbury grandson? There was a Look.

He's younger than her tho isn't he? Maybe he's a late bloomer?

Would solve the issue I have with Violet and Mr. Anderson though. Let's not keep everything in the family SHALL WE.

Anthony being loudly and confidently wrong during charades is giving me life. I love him. <3

This whole party is just a pressure cooker. I almost need to go out and get some air jfc.

Cressida announcing she is Whistledown is the least surprising thing ever but tell that to Pen. Oh wait, she's on the floor.

Honestly, Pen should just let her go with that. Problem solved. In the books, if I recall, she wanted credit for them? Or something...? Honestly, it's hazy now. But will that happen here?

Episode 6

This whole thing is an unmitigated mess.

I'm losing confidence tbh. Has Bridgerton jumped the shark? Am I just not as invested as I was? Or was I ever very invested at all? Oh hush just keep watching, you always doubt the process and it ends up fine.

I find I say "oh for fuck's sake" way too much while watching this.

JUST STOP WHISTLEDOWNING

She is doing the thing! Istg Pen. GAH.

I know this will work out but still

The Queen is READING Cressida and it's quite glorious.

I do like Pen contemplating who she wants to be. Her own significance. Can't she write something else though? A book maybe? Be the next Jane Austen?

I kinda feel bad for Mondrich giving up his club.

And now Cressida is READING Eloise. Lord. The mess.

I'm glad this light is being shone on Eloise at last though. Truth hurts.

Oh! Is she doing it? Giving up being Whistledown? DID SHE HEAR ME?!?

I know it's not for good, but she bets credit for trying. Bless.

Is Tilly setting up a threesome? Who is this guy? He's totally giving Benedict bedroom eyes. I don't blame him but like... who is he? Why is having dinner with them?

BRAVO to Francesca for calling out Violet and her single-vision concept of love.

Soma. Wooffffff this argument between Mr. Anderson (I keep missing his first name!) and Lady Danbury (SOMA!) is giving me every single feel. Compelling drama.

Benedict, that man is giving you the eye.

BINGO! I was right!

Oh, Ben. You coward.

Damn, apparently Mrs. Cowper can write.

Oh god, is Colin going to overhear Eloise and Pen?

Woah, Eloise is asking Pen to write as Whistledown again? Just one? Are we sure about that?

This whole convo is just so .... <3

This episode is lasting ten years.

Whistledown is en route! And writing!

Oh hell, is Colin following her? He is, isn't he??

OMG that is just like the book! It's just... a bit out of order. HAH!

Episode 7

He knows. Oh the drama!

Wait. Omg, is he crying? Is this the scene they talked about in the interview? Aww.

He'll never forgive her?? OMFG, Colin, don't be so dramatic.

Dear lord, Cressida is absolutely deriding the Bridgertons. YIKES.

Pen to the rescue!! Sorta? Eh, sure.

I still feel sorta bad for Cressida though. The girl is desperate and it's easy to see why. That old guy is not it.

I like seeing Pen and Eloise being friendly again though.

Spoke too soon. Come on, El, give her something.

The conversation between Colin and Eloise is glorious. Long time coming. God, I like Eloise again! Miracles happen!

I called the "having to marry her" cuz they slept together thing!

Okay but he's being an ass about it. Entrapment? PLEASE SIR.

Tilly demurring to Benedict about being caught kissing that dude... don't make me laugh, ma'am. You were not being discreet with Benedict being a room away with the door open. You wanted him to see.

I do enjoy this pragmatic discussion of bisexuality. I'll allow it.

Damn, Tilly is progressive as heck.

Benedict is considering it. As you should, sir. You are not married (yet).

Violet being flustered about Mr. Anderson (WHAT IS HIS NAME) is adorable.

Okay so Pen and Colin have ignored each other all week and they wait until the NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING to have it out?? Guysssss....

OMFG he is jealous, isn't he? I haaaaated that in the book! SIR. No.

God, Kate is perfect.

OMG did the Queen just figure out who is Lady Whistledown?

Always love a good Benedict and Eloise conversation, especially if it's on the swings.

Is Cressida doing a runner? She's escaping but to where?

Aww, Kate and Anthony are going to India and will have the baby there! Anthony is SO CUTE about it too! I love that man. I love THEM.

Blah blah wedding blah blah

Shit, it's the Queen!

Way to break up a party, Your Majesty. I mean, in the way only she can.

Francesca... honey... no. <3 That is not the secret. It's okay, boo.

Lady Danbury remaining when the Queen had said anyone not a Bridgerton had to get out is just iconic.

Colin! No! *thwaps him with a rolled up newspaper*

Get it, Benedict! (bow chicka bow wow)

Ooop. Cressida is on the scent!

Episode 8

She knows. GAH. Oh, poor Pen.

Oooh, blackmail! Very nice. Very villain of her.

This should be where the Bridgertons come together to support Pen and back her up against invaders, yes? YES??

Ooh, the metaphor of this chess game is delightful.

Whistledown will continue? So it wasn't just one issue. I knew it!

Protective Colin activate!

Wow, the threesome are still at it a day later?? Come up for air, guys. Have some food. Drink some water. Jeebus.

My boy, Colin, you are jealous of Lady Whistledown. But I love that he really gets Pen.

Portia is going through it.

Pen and Eloise! Are they friends again?? Please say yes.

Oh Cressida, that was a jerk move upping the blackmail. Now they can't give in.

omfg STILL???? They're STILL going at it like rabbits???

Oh wow, I lovelovelove the conversation between Lady Danbury and Violet! They are the best friends and that transcends relationships. And the shot of the crown! <3

I honestly have no clue anymore where they're going with Benedict. Not a one.

Colin's shirt here is so Astarion coded. It's the same shirt!!

What is happening...?!?!?!?!?!

Also.... Benedict? What? What is going on?

WHat. Who? What. HUH?

How is Eloise going to change the world?

I should never have read the books. I have too many preconceived ideas.

I'm so confused.

The money Pen gave the lady maid was for this tacky ass ball?

NGL though I love how "bugs" are actually butterflies.

Shit, it's the Queen Part 2!

Ohhhh... oh okay. So Pen told her she's Whistledown. And now.... Pen is just standing there announcing it to everyone.

Okay, I get it. The Queen being there and accepting it is basically telling everyone there they have to accept it too. Smart.

So, Pen is going to keep Whistledowning. And everyone is just going to know it's her. I mean, sure.

Okay but what about Cressida? Where is she? What happens to her?

Colin is doing some good here, telling her the things that need to be told tbh. A little late but I'll accept it.

John's cousin? Michael? No, wait... omfg it's MICHAELA. lakdjflasdj LMAOOOOOO oh shit.

I might need a little time to process that.

I maybe shouldn't have read the books part 2

Ooh an epilogue??? BABIES!!!! OMG THERES THREE BABIES.

One is Pen and Colin's! SQUEE.

LKJFSDL lmao of course they had the boy and the other two had girls.

Aww that means their baby has the title from the Featheringtons. That's sweet.

Annnnnd that's it. All she wrote. For TWO YEARS. Because lord knows they can't write the next season until the first is all released or something? I honestly don't know. GET MOVING, GUYS. Is Benedict next or what? We didn't see a Sophie anywhere. There was a brief mention of a masquerade ball that I need to go back and look for cuz I sorta missed it. Does that mean Eloise is next? Or Francesca? GAH.

[zepskies]

What a beautiful treat getting your comments on Part 2, my lovely friend!! Though it feels quite like a review of the entire BMD verse as well. 😘😘

I'm so glad you love this story universe as much as I do!! It's been an absolute joy to write, in large part because I had people like you encouraging me the whole way through!!

“And now we’re family, you had pointed out. Then Ben gifted you with one of those smiles, subtle and pleased, just for you.” Warmed my heart - I’ll bet those were few and far between, but will come more often now.

You know it!! Ben's at a good place in his character arc/development, which is increasingly allowing him to let his real emotions through to the people around him, not just the reader.

And HELL YES BRING FRANK AND LOCO BACK! YAY!!! Uncle Frank & Uncle Loco sounds perfect! (Such thoughtful gifts, too!) I am stupid excited to see them back!

Yay!! I'm so glad you're excited about them loll. Though they're only mentioned in this one, I think I'm gonna have to bring them back for a full cameo in the future one-shot I have planned after "Smoke Eater."

“Oh sure, you thought. She didn’t mind salty language when it was Ben, but God forbid you or Luisa bang a toe in your mother’s presence.” (Are you spying on me? This is so my family; there was a betting pool on which expletive my niece would learn from me first.) (it was Shit! and she learned it from her Dad/my brother - HA!)

LOLL that's hilarious! And I'm sure because it was your bother the rest of your family didn't bat an eye. 🙄😂

I love Louisa’s worry about having a girl - hopefully he’ll let her be a tomboy (and Gods help the first boy she brings home to meet her parents!) and oh, that ObGyn visit - so Ben, but ouch!

Louisa is a realist lmaoo. And omg you're not the first person to say something about "imagine what he'll be like when his daughter brings her first boyfriend home." I might have do write that one up in the future. 🤣

“The longer it went on, the more he felt like an asshole—with the kind of uncomfortable, gut-churning remorse that only you tended to draw from him.” Absolute perfection - especially that last phrase!

Thank you, my dear! Ben does care, at least where his girl is concerned, but it takes him a while to get over himself. 🙄

Not gonna lie, had to stand up and walk around for a moment, so much emotion balled up, and what I just read, had to walk it out. Fucking fantastic writing, my dear!! Got me all up in my feels with your amazing way of combining humor and heart - I just love it it!

God, thank you so much!!! 😭😭❤️❤️ It's a balance, right? I try to create an ebb and flow in a scene to balance out the drama and raw emotions -- with the humor and teasing and arguing that's always framed their relationship. I like to use all the notes on the piano, if you get what I'm saying. 🎶

Ben is not the only one who is “nothing if not creative!” I am now torn between my relief that he’s not going to experience what Connor McLeod did in the Highlander, watching Heather grow old and die...

Omg, I have to know what this is now!! Going to add this to my watchlist even though I know I'm gonna blubber like a little bitch. 😂

Ben gave her a healing STD with his superspern - protecting her from permanent human fragility/harm. Holy fucking shit indeed - absolutely bloody brilliant bending the Science to your will - love this so hard!!

LOL I am SO glad you hopped on board for this House MD-like bending of scientific and medical reality. 🤣🤣 I was writing that scene like, "Omg this would never happen. That's not how science works, but it's Compound V so we're already in the realm of fantasy." 😂

I love how you describe watching their friends/family age and die as “the very thought of them growing old, leaving you behind” and not her existence leaving them behind - profound and eloquent.

Thank you, love! Imagine how terrifying that prospect would be, to know you would eventually outlive everyone in your life. But she and Ben have each other, and their child (and any future children), and their friends' children, so that should be a balm in the future.

I love they both have a “posse of bitches” - MM and Frank sharing cigars made me so happy - fatherhood has cured his emotional constipation…well, at least disimpacted it.

Haha you know it!! I just loved the image of MM and Frank interacting. I think they would actually get along, despite Frank being Ben's ally and all that. 😂

“Imagine pushing a super melon out of your dick. That’s how I’m doing,” they were absolutely made for each other – their sarcasm complements each other perfectly.

Lmfaoo even now after just giving birth she's a smartass, huh? But Ben wouldn't have it any other way. 😂

“It was the first time you ever saw true tears in his eyes, as one managed to draw a path down his cheek.” The manliest single man tear ever!

(But you know, happier. 🥹)

And yes, after fire fighter dean, I want the terrible twos, uncle Frank, the posse of bitches, even aunt Trina – bring it, with that amazing blend of humor and heart that you will do like a fucking lightsaber! This was just…perfection!)

I'm officially a useless puddle of gratefulness after reading and receiving all that love!! 🫠🫠

Thank you so much for loving this series as much as you do!!! 🥹 I hope it's not tooting my own horn when I say I'm very proud of BMD, perhaps more than anything I've written thus far in fanfic world. 🥰🥰

Strong as Blood - Part 2

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader

Summary: After you accidentally break through a solid wood table, you know there’s something wrong with you. You begin to have your suspicions, but can you keep it from Ben long enough to find out? 

(In other words: This is the story of how you and Ben discover that you’re pregnant.)

AN: And here's Part 2! (This two-part fic can be read as stand-alone, but it’s really a bonus sequel to Break Me Down!)

Here’s the chronological reading order for the series:

Break Me Down

Love Actually

Checkerboard

Strong As Blood (Part 1)

(Also, for those of you in the medical field…try to suspend your disbelief on this one. 😅)

Word Count: 6,200 Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff overload.

Part 2: “One Year, Forty, and a Hundred”

About a week later, you and Ben told your family the good news.

Your mom, Marie, took Ben’s face in her hands and pressed a delighted motherly kiss on his cheek, and then his forehead.

He very narrowly tolerated it with his usual gruffness, but you knew better. You saw the fond glint well hidden in his eyes, even after Marie released him.

It hadn’t taken her long after meeting Ben to start treating him like a son; always asking about his missions with Supe Affairs, praising a job well done when he had a successful report, and offering a supportive word even when they didn’t quite go his way.

Ben maintained his usual stoic bravado, but you knew he secretly ate up the praise, along with Marie’s genuine, nurturing nature.

Every time you saw your mother, she would give you baked goods in tupperware—for both of you, she claimed. But you noticed they were most often his favorites. You had a feeling she’d won him over early on with her macadamia nut brownies. (She still couldn’t cook worth a damn either, but she’d been taking a baking class.)

So Ben continued to help her do the dishes, even though she insisted he was a guest in her home. He claimed he was doing it so you wouldn’t jump in yourself.

And now we’re family, you had pointed out. Then Ben gifted you with one of those smiles, subtle and pleased, just for you.

You felt somewhat lazy, just sitting at the kitchen table with your sister Luisa. She sat close to you with her arm looped around yours, and she rubbed your lower back, which you now realized had been aching more often. For God’s sake, you hadn’t even realized you were late on your period.

I need to take some time off work, even before this kid gets here, you mused.

Realistically though, you should’ve expected this might happen. You hadn’t ever gotten around to replacing your IUD after you’d gotten it removed a few months ago. And God knew, Ben didn’t know how to pull out. (And he certainly didn’t buy condoms.)

“What’re you hoping for, a boy or a girl?” Louisa asked you and Ben, disrupting the path of your thoughts. You turned to your sister thoughtfully.

She still had her reservations about him, but she seemed to be warming up to your boyfriend a bit more after you told her the news. Especially after Ben had explained one of his plans over dinner.

His first thought was to hire Frank and Loco back as your personal security throughout your pregnancy, and likely even afterwards.

It was a rare time when you didn’t argue with him; the idea made sense, especially if you were going to continue working in Surveillance at Supe Affairs until you went on maternity leave. And, it would just be great to see them again. Frank had already agreed to start on Monday, after giving his polite congratulations.

(You and Ben each got a package in the mail yesterday: a box of bonafide Cuban cigars for him, a maternity body pillow for you, and a hand-crafted toy box for the baby. Inside had been a white noise sound machine to help the baby sleep.)

But now, Ben brightened at Louisa’s question. He crossed his arms and leaned against the kitchen counter.

“A son,” he replied. How brow rose, as if the answer was obvious. “I’ll be able to bring him up right. Strong. Not like these beanie-wearing pantywaists running the fucking Starbucks.”

“Ben,” you warned. He crossed his arms at you, quite literally standing firm on his stance. But your mother just smiled and pat his arm.

“It’s okay, honey,” she said. “I understand what you mean.”

You raised an incredulous brow.

Oh sure, you thought. She didn’t mind salty language when it was Ben, but God forbid you or Luisa bang a toe in your mother’s presence. Nor did it surprise you that she was agreeing with him.

But then Marie turned to him more earnestly.

“The way you take care of my daughter, I have no doubt you’ll make an excellent father,” she told him.

Ben treated her with a charming smile that showed touches of warmth.

Damn, you thought, as you felt the telltale burn of tears in your eyes. But it wasn’t just about what Marie had said. You had hoped for this one day, but it seemed he was finally making room for your family in his heart too.

“Football. A man’s game,” Ben continued. “I’ll teach him, take him fishing. Everything my old man didn’t bother with, I’ll do it all. Bring him up right…”

As your boyfriend chatted away with your mom, you hid a tendril of worry. You wondered what would happen if the baby turned out to be a girl.

With a glance at your sister, her subtle, raised brows told you she was thinking along the same lines. You sighed and got up; once again, it was time to pee.

Louisa followed you into the hall and laid a hand on your back.

“Hey,” she said. “You know how much I care about you, right?”

“And where’s this going?” you quipped. But you turned around and gave your little sister a half-smile. You knew what she was about to say.

“So what are you going to do about that?” she asked, gesturing to your man in the kitchen. “Mr. Macho wants his prized stud. What happens if he doesn’t get him?”

You sighed. “Ben’s wanted this for a long time. He’s got an idea in his head of what it’s going to be like, and…we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

Louisa’s lips pursed, like she wasn’t quite satisfied with that answer.

“And what about you?” she asked. “How do you feel about this?”

You blinked back at her in slight surprise, but then your expression melted into a soft smile.

“I’m happy, Lou,” you said. Tears welled up in your eyes, yet again. “I’m really happy.” 

Louisa relented then, squeezing your hand. “Good…then good. I’m happy for you too.”

And that was really all you wanted.

“What? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Ben said, peering harder at the ultrasound. The kind OBGYN faltered, though she again tried to point out that what he was looking at was actually a small foot.

“Congratulations,” she told you both. “She’s the right size for twelve weeks of development. And look there, you can even see the umbilical cord—”

“You sure this thing isn’t on the fritz?” Ben asked, bumping the ultrasound monitor with his hand.

“Ben.” You looked over at him with a glare. “Are you serious right now?”

He looked back over at you, and you saw his stubbornness in his frown and knitted brows.

“I’m just saying—” he started, but you didn’t let him get that far.

“You heard the freakin’ doctor. We’re having a girl,” you snapped. “I’m the one who has the transvaginal probe shoved up inside me, so shut the fuck up!”

Ben’s jaw worked as he barely held himself from barking back at you. It wouldn’t be the first time you levied your smart mouth at him, but it wasn’t often that you disrespected him.

“Excuse me?” he still groused.

His anger got waylaid though. He watched you heave a sigh and blink quickly, so you wouldn’t release the well of frustrated tears building behind your eyes.

The doctor looked between you both warily. You turned to her with watery eyes, and you sniffed to keep your emotions at bay.

“Continue, please.”

When the appointment with the OBGYN was done, you didn’t let Ben help you down from the examining table. Nor did you let him touch you, all the way to the car.

An hour later, you both made it back to the apartment you shared in Scarsdale. You stomped up the stairs ahead of him and beelined into the bedroom. You had half a mind to slam the door in his face, but you didn’t have the energy to be that petty.

Frankly, you were exhausted with a tinge of nausea. But you didn’t know if that was pregnancy sickness, or if you were just that anxious.

You sat down on your side of the bed, and you sighed when you heard Ben’s heavy footsteps enter in behind you.

“All right, that could’ve gone better,” he said. “But look at it from my point of view—”

That nearly unhinged you. Your stomach roiled, but you got to your feet and turned around to face him where he stood by the foot of the bed, arms crossed.

“It’s not all about you,” you shot back. “In case you’ve forgotten, I’m the one carrying this baby. I’m not just a human incubator.”

“I fucking know that,” he retorted, but you raised a hand to silence him.

“And you’re not the only one who’s wanted this,” you said. Against your will, your eyes once again burned with tears as you held yourself. “You know very well what I’ve…that I didn’t have a normal family growing up.”

Ben quieted. His irritation softened around the edges, especially as your voice trembled.

“Don’t you know what it’s going to mean to me to give our child what I didn’t have?” you asked. “Stability, support, and…and love, from both parents?”

Tears slipped down your cheeks. And when he didn’t seem to have anything to say to you, you shook your head and walked away.

Ben let out a heavy breath. He followed you and stopped you in the living room. “Listen—”

“No, you listen,” you snapped, whirling around on him. “I would’ve been content no matter if it was a boy or a girl, and you ruined that today. You really did.”

His gaze briefly fell to the floor, before it met yours again.

“But even with that, I’m still happy,” you said, as your vision became blurry and wet. “I’m so damn happy…and so scared.”

When you finally broke down crying, Ben got a full picture of just how badly he’d fucked this up. He collected you in his arms and guided you to sit with him on the couch. There he held you as you clung to him and wept into his neck.

The longer it went on, the more he felt like an asshole—with the kind of uncomfortable, gut-churning remorse that only you tended to draw from him.

Ben hesitated, but he knew you deserved to hear him say it. (And you probably wouldn’t let this go until he did.)

“Okay, sweetheart, calm down,” he rumbled in your ear. Along with, "…I’m sorry."

The weight of that fell between you for a moment. You nodded, with a sniff, and he slowly rubbed your back.

“You don’t need to be scared,” he said. “My blood’s making you nice and strong.”

Well, technically it was the baby’s blood, and the super genes they held. You shook your head against his neck.

“That’s not it,” you said. “I mean, that’s part of it, I guess. Dr. Baker didn’t do a great job of reassuring me, but she did say that if the strength lasts throughout the birth, she didn’t expect serious complications.”

Fuck. Ben’s hand tightened in your hair. That...was a thought he hadn't considered. It now made his stomach clench, though he remained silent.

He wished you would’ve taken him with you to see Dr. Baker, but he guessed he couldn’t begrudge you for your worries. He knew he'd be having his own talk with the good doctor soon enough.

“I love my mom. She did her best, you know? But I…I’ve had to take care of myself for most of my life,” you explained, with a hand fisted tight in his shirt. “What the hell do I know about being a mom?”

Ben considered that with a frown. He pulled back enough to see your face, tucking his curled fingers beneath your chin so you’d look at him.

“You looked after your sister, didn’t you?” he reminded. “Made sure she was safe, and grew up right. Not to mention, you take care of me. And you got no problem calling me out on my bullshit.”

That got a slight smile out of you. He brushed away another one of your tears with his thumb.

“You’re gonna be great, sweetheart. I never had any doubts about that,” he said, “The truth is, I couldn’t wait to fuck you raw to make this happen.”

You spluttered a laugh then, even though you were still weeping.

“Yeah, I know,” you said with a wry smile, stroking his bearded cheek. You leaned up and kissed the other cheek. He turned his head and went for your lips. The kiss was slow and tender while he held you where you always felt safe.

Ben grasped the hand on his cheek…and an idea flickered through his mind.

He parted from you, only to say, “Wait here.”

Your brows furrowed, and you blinked through wet lashes. “What?”

“Just stay put for me,” he said.

But he didn’t tell you what he was up to as he left you on the couch to duck into the bedroom. You took the time to wipe at your eyes and take some deep, calming breaths.

Ben came back soon after, seemingly empty-handed as he sat down next to you. You gave him a curious look.

He slipped a hand into his pocket. “Just for the record, I’ve had this for a while.”

And he pulled a black velvet box out of his pocket. You let out a shaky breath of surprise. The ring he pulled out wasn’t a flashy, gaudy thing like you half-expected. It actually looked delicate, and vintage, pale gold with filigree around the hexagonal stone. It glittered, even in the dim lamplight. 

“Where’d you find that?” you asked. But somehow, looking into his eyes, you knew what this was. 

“Besides those old pictures, the only thing I’ve got left of my mother is right here,” he said, holding up the ring for you. More burgeoning tears fell down your cheeks as your heart constricted. 

“Marry me,” he said, rubbing his thumb across the back of your hand. 

Despite yourself, a smile raised the corner of your mouth. “Hmm, I don’t know. Is that a question?”

Ben released a breath. Reluctantly, he smirked.

“Fucking figures that you’d make this difficult,” he said.

“You’re the one who fumbled at the goal line, Romeo,” you replied cheekily.

You then gestured at the ground in front of you. He raised a brow.

But, he obliged your demands, making a show of sliding from the couch, down to the ground. He parted your jean-clad knees so he could move in between them. He knelt one knee on the hard wood, and once again took your hand.

Ben somehow hesitated on the question, even though you both were hanging on his words. With your free hand, you smoothed his hair away from his eyes, subtly encouraging him. 

“If I had to go back, do it all over again,” he said, “I wouldn’t have done a damn thing different.”

You frowned at him. “Really?”

“That’s right,” he said. “Because I’m right where I want to be.”

You teared up all over again when you realized what he was really saying. You laid a hand on his chest, where his fiercest power resided. He squeezed the hand he held. 

“So what’s it gonna be, sweetheart. Will you marry me?” Ben asked. His smirk was almost boyish, despite his age. And yet, it was so very him.

You reached out with your free hand and slid your fingers through his hair, resting it at the back of his neck.  

“Yeah,” you agreed, with a beaming smile. “Let’s do it.”

He slipped the ring on your finger, where it fit well. And it was now the most beautiful thing you owned, not only for its shining beauty.

You pulled him in for a kiss. His hands burned up your thighs, squeezing your hips. But again, he hesitated. His lips pulled away from yours as his hand moved to brush your belly. It was already brimming with life. He’d seen the images, heard the heartbeat.  

“Thank you,” Ben said. His voice was deep and gruff.

You smiled. With a nod, you held him to you, laying a sweet path of kisses from his cheek, down to his neck.

“I love you,” you said.

He just nodded in response. His throat was tight at the moment. But you wouldn’t let him get off that easy.

“Say it,” you jostled him in your arms. “I’m only growing a super melon for you.” 

It earned you an amused look from him. 

“I love you too,” he said. His voice was a bit coarse, and laden with rare emotion. You pulled him into a stronger hug, which soon became him dragging you into his lap when he raised himself up onto to the couch. You took his face in your hands. 

“See? We made it here,” you teased. You knew he remembered the conversation you two had a few months ago, about waiting a little while to take this next step in your relationship. To have a family.  

“Soon. Not someday,” he’d told you. And you’d agreed.

You reminded him of it now while you stroked his face. “I promised you, didn’t I?”

He snorted at that. “You sure took your fucking time with that one, huh?”

“Excuse me?” you retorted.

Ben pulled you into a kiss before you could truly get going. Arguing with him was one of the things you did best.

But what you two ended up doing on the couch was second to none.  

A few months later…

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Ben said. His tone was edged, his brows crunching. “What kind of development?”

You curled a hand around his wrist, shooting him a calming look before you returned your attention to Dr. Baker.

“What do you mean, Tonya?” you asked. Your other hand continued to rest over your belly.

At the seven-month mark of your pregnancy, you felt like you were beginning to resemble a parade float as you sat on the medical examining table in the doctor’s office. But you were grateful for Ben’s warm hand spanning the small of your back. It gave you stability as a coil of anxiety began to bloom in your chest.

Dr. Baker reviewed her charts once more. You didn’t like that gleam of scientific interest in her eye while she perused the data, then looked up at you and Ben from her narrow-framed glasses.

“Not with the baby. She’s doing very well,” she said.

That gave you a measure of immense relief.

“The development concerns you,” she clarified, meeting your gaze. “As you know, we’ve been monitoring you very closely.”

You nodded. The weekly checkups and monthly blood panels served to both soothe and increase your anxiety, but you knew that it made Ben feel better, that you were being taken care of in this aspect of your pregnancy.

To government knowledge, no one other than Becca Butcher had ever gone through a pregnancy of this nature. And Homelander had been created in a lab. This was breaking somewhat new ground (which was only in the top five of “things that made you nervous.”)

“I found something…interesting in your bloodwork,” said Dr. Baker. She pulled out two charts from her files and clipped them onto her whiteboard for you and Ben to see. They looked virtually the same, with one graph’s red bars slightly lower than the first.

“What’s that?” Ben asked.

“It’s your wife’s cell regeneration levels,” the doctor replied, pointing to the second graph. “Hers have become almost as high as yours.”

She pointed to the first graph for comparison. You leaned in closer to see as your eyes widened. With the weight of your belly making you off balance, you nearly slid off the examining table. Ben noticed and caught you quick. His arms came around you, though as the news donned on him, his face slid into shock.

“What?” he uttered.

“That’s got to be because of the baby,” you reasoned. “Is it…just temporary? Like the super strength.”

Even that was somewhat intermittent. Some days, you felt your aches and pains and experienced morning sickness and food aversions, like any other pregnant woman. On others, you were able to lift one side of the couch one-handed and vacuum up the dust bunnies underneath it.

“I believe that blood transfusion, as well as your pregnancy greatly accelerated the effects, but no, this isn’t an isolated incident.” Dr. Baker shook her head. “Your DNA has mutated.”

“Are you serious?” you nearly choked out. She nodded. Dr. Baker never joked.

“By my calculations, this process started before you conceived. Over the course of the past year, or more,” she explained. “Do you understand what this means?”

“Y-Yes, I think so,” you said. Your hand squeezed over Ben’s; it was the hand that carried the weight of your gold wedding bands. A lump of emotion rose in your throat. “It means…I’m going to heal from injuries quicker than normal. And���I’m not going to age like a normal person.”

“That’s likely correct,” she replied.  

That news fell in the room like a stone. You shared a wide-eyed look with Ben. Neither of you knew quite what to think just yet. Even though he was trying to maintain an even-keel expression, you could see his eyes were beginning to brighten with hope. Yours were too…though you were still confused.

“How the hell is this possible?” you asked. “I mean, Ben gave me his blood for a transfusion. But like you said, that was one time, two years ago now. And you said the pregnancy accelerated this, but that’s not how it started…”

Dr. Baker actually smiled. You didn’t like the wry turn of her lips. She crossed her legs where she sat at her desk and tapped her clipboard with her pen.

“How often would you say you two have sex?” she asked.

That was certainly not where you thought this conversation was going. You couldn’t help but blush.

“How is that even remotely relevant?” you asked.

You glanced at your husband, who merely gave you one of his smug smirks, while his thumb stroked your side. Fucking typical. 

“Once a week?” the doctor prompted.

Your face heated up further, and you had to cover your mouth with a hand. Your sex life wasn’t quite as…vivacious as it had been since before you’d gotten pregnant, but it was still a good one, even with your growing size. Ben was nothing if not creative.  

And you were still newlyweds, after all.

“Assume we’re doing a healthy amount of fucking, doc,” Ben remarked.

You gasped and hit his thigh, and finally covered your whole face in thorough embarrassment. He just smirked and took your hand so you couldn’t hide. It amused him that you still got like this.

He then pressed a kiss to the back of your fingers.

You sighed and held his hand back. I chose this man. Remember that.

“Again, what does that have to with this?” you asked, your voice a bit higher.

Dr. Baker’s lips flickered at another one of those smiles. “Well, how often did you use condoms over the past two years?”

You and Ben both snorted in response.

“He’s morally opposed to them, doctor,” you said dryly.

She nodded. “I assumed as much.”

Once again, Ben smirked, but Dr. Baker plowed ahead.

“Let me explain it this way,” she said. “Think of how HIV spreads sexually. The infected DNA is transmitted, and it eventually hits the partner’s bloodstream, affecting the entire body. What we have here is a similar case…if for the fact that this was a gradual effect, over the course of several months.”

Ben blinked, and a frown also tugged down his brows.

“Are you saying that I gave her my superpowers…like an STD?” he asked.

Your eyes became as wide as saucers.

Holy shit! you thought, and another one occurred to you. If this all started from the first time you and Ben ever had sex…then that was over two years of being dosed with literal super sperm.

“Not quite,” Dr. Baker said to him. “Just the essence of what sets your DNA apart, even from other supes.”

“Right. Because how the hell hasn’t this happened to anyone else who’s normal?” you asked. “What makes Ben different?”

Dr. Baker finally set down her pen. She folded her hands in her lap to address you with a patience that you didn’t often see from her.

“Remember, the serum he received was still a prototype,” she said. “Vought continued to refine the recipe after the ‘Soldier Boy’ project was successful. For example, the way his cells regenerate is one of those factors that needed to be weeded out, if Compound V was to be a successful product in the long-term.”

You nodded slowly, as that made sense to you. If every supe suddenly lived over a hundred years, it would make it pretty hard to secretly inject that shit into newborns. They had to package it in a more insidious way.

“This is an unpredictable outcome of your exposure to his unique genetic makeup,” Dr. Baker continued, “and there may very well be more to come in the future.”

You weren’t sure how to take that potentially foreboding news, but on the other hand…

“Oh my God! I’m going to live to be a hundred,” you said, holding tighter onto Ben as shock began to make you tremble. His grip was firm and steadying in response. And yet, his face betrayed how he was trying to process this as well.

“Likely much longer than that,” Dr. Baker said, shocking you even further. And she reminded, “Your cells aren’t regenerating at quite the same rate as his…but it is close.”

Again, holy fucking shit.

You let out a halting breath, and you looked up at Ben, a smile growing across your face. You reached up a hand for his bearded cheek. He looked down on you with his usual stoicism, but it was merely a front. You saw through to the true emotions shining in his eyes.

“Well, looks like you’re stuck with me, baby,” you said, even as your own eyes stung with tears. Your heart felt full to the brim, and even overflowing. If this was what it took to be with your husband, then altering your genetics was a price you were willing to pay…at least in this way.

Though you gave him a more teasing smile. “You’re not gonna be able to welch out of that ‘til death do us part thing. So cancel the caravan of blow and strippers.”

Ben chuckled deeply. He held your hand and stroked the inside of your wrist. For a moment, he just looked down at your face. It had become a bit more rounded with your pregnancy—thighs and arms (and ass) thicker too. And to him, you were still perfectly his.  

“Fine by me. You’ve got something they don’t, anyway,” he said. He remembered the same words he’d said to you just a year ago, in the bed he still shared with you.

Your eyes gleamed with amusement, and so much more. You played along.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” you asked.

He smirked. “You’ve got a supe STD.”

Your eyes widened at his audacity, but you burst out laughing and hit his shoulder.

“Yeah, from you,” you quipped back. “I should’ve known you were carrying something.”

The two of you didn’t know it, but that was when Dr. Baker smiled to herself. She decided then to leave the room, giving you some privacy as Ben laughed and framed your face with his hands.

His thumbs brushed against your cheeks, catching stray tears as they fell. You bit your lip as your glassy eyes met his once more. Ben became more serious as he let out a sigh.

“It’s not gonna be easy,” he reminded you. “Your family, your friends…they’re going to change, and you’re going to stay the same.”

Your excitement dimmed as that realization hit you. Your hands clenched in his shirt, over his chest. You thought about your mom, your sister, Yvette and Devon, Annie and Hughie and the rest of the team (even Butcher, you would miss).

“Yeah…that part’s not gonna be fun,” you said with a heavy, tremulous sigh. Your heart clenched at the very thought of them growing old, leaving you behind.

But your gaze eventually drew back up to him. You wondered then, not for the first time, how it must’ve been for him. For his parents to grow old and pass on long before him. For childhood friends, old lovers…

“Do you know what I worried about when we got married?” you asked.

Ben’s hands traveled down from your face, down your arms, to finally rest at your waist and thigh. He stared back at you expectantly.

“When you first told me you loved me, you said you were holding back the truth. Because you thought that one day, you’d be alone again,” you said, stroking his chest. “That honestly broke my heart. And it made me wonder if I was selfish to be with you anyway.”

Ben frowned, but you shook your head before he could respond.

“I told myself that after the baby was born, I’d go to Dr. Baker and ask her to find a way to make this happen,” you said. Another smile grew across your face. “But guess what? We figured it out all on our own, super stud.”

Ben smiled then, huffing in amusement as he thumbed at your cheek. You couldn’t really understand the full force of his relief. It might’ve threatened to buckle him into a seat, if he had been standing.

But now, he struggled with the warmth in his chest that for once, had nothing to do with his powers. He moved in to tug you into his arms, and he let out a long breath through his nose.

You couldn’t see how his eyes closed, but you felt his lips press against your forehead. You held him close. Or as closely as you could with your belly getting in between.

You rubbed his back and rested against his chest, hearing the calming, steady sound of his heart beating under your ear.  

“And at this rate, I might even live longer than you,” you teased. “After all, you got a head start. Compared to you, I’m still a hot young thing.”

Ben snorted and shook his head. “All right. Now you’re pushing it.”

You smirked into his chest.

“I’ll have to figure out where you rent those caravans.”

“For fuck’s sake,” he muttered. At the sound of your giggle, he couldn’t help but smile.

He still swatted you on the ass though.

A couple more months later…

He smelled like cigar smoke. For which you had no doubt, Ben had been puffing away with Frank and M.M. outside the hospital. 

The team of doctors (led by Dr. Baker) had finally left you alone with your husband, allowing you to take your first relaxed breath of the day.

“Your mom and your sister are waiting. Blondie and the others are out there too,” he said quietly, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “My girl’s got a whole possy of bitches.” 

You assumed he meant Annie and the rest of the team.

You shot him a look, but you were careful not to disturb the sleeping newborn resting on your chest, in the crook of your arm.  

“They’re my friends, babe,” you whispered. “And they’re your friends now too, you just don’t want to admit it.”

Ben didn’t acknowledge that, but he laid a hand on your shoulder as he sat down on the edge of your hospital bed.

“How’re you doin’, sweetheart?” he asked. “Got everything you need?”

He’d become even more protective, but also very sweet to you in these past several months. More so than you’d thought him capable of, but it warmed you every time, when you considered how rough, how stoic, and how damn-near emotionally repressed he was not so very long ago.

It seemed that fatherhood was beginning to soften him, even before he began. You quirked a smile at the thought, and at his question.

“Imagine pushing a super melon out of your dick. That’s how I’m doing,” you said, tired but still cheeky as ever.

He snorted a bit loudly at that, and you shushed him, as if it wasn’t your fault he was laughing. He expected nothing less from you.

“But I’m okay,” you answered his second question. “All I need right now is you.”

Ben considered you for a moment, a slightly softer smile curving his lips, and he nodded.

“All right,” he said.

Your daughter woke and began to squirm in your arms, prompting Ben to look down at the bundle wrapped in a soft pink blanket. Gently as possible, he brushed the tuft of downy brown hair on her head. His hand shook ever so slightly, touching her small cheek. 

How can this little thing be mine? he wondered. His lips pressed into a firm line.

There was a thought, deep and thrumming inside him, that he didn’t deserve this. That just a couple of years ago, he had nothing to lose.

And now, his entire world was in this room. He���d never admit it, but it was a terrifying thought, for a man who’d had everything and nothing.

You unknowingly stopped the path of his thoughts when you raised a warm hand to his cheek. It earned his attention, and he grabbed your hand to keep it there.

You smiled up at Ben with weariness in your eyes. The super strength had drained out of you a few moments after the umbilical cord was cut, which had made for a less painful labor than you anticipated. But it had also been a long and uncomfortable eighteen hours.

“Wanna hold her for a while?” you asked.

The offer caught him off guard. His brows drew together, but he very carefully took his daughter from you, into his arms. Despite your temporary abilities throughout your pregnancy, he didn’t know if she already had his strength, or if it was something she’d grow into. Ben didn’t want to take any chances.

As he looked down at a small face that already had some of his features, he inhaled a faltering breath.

It was the first time you ever saw true tears in his eyes, as one managed to draw a path down his cheek. You smiled, and the pair of rings on your left hand caught the lamplight as you rested your hand on your chest.   

Ben held the bundle close in the crook of his arm. One of the baby’s hands was free, and he tickled his finger in her palm. She grasped it on reflex, opening her mouth on a yawn. Despite his red and shining eyes, he smiled, especially when she reached up for a strand of his hair with small, grabby fingers.

He let her get a hold of it, smirking when she gave it a little tug. Just hours old, and his girl was already demanding his attention. He didn’t know if newborns were able to do that this early, or if it was her blood that made her special.

Either way, he knew then that she was going to be a handful. Just like you. 

Ben glanced over and found you watching him with soft amusement. He looked back down at his daughter and told her the obvious.

“You know, you’re blessed to have my genes, baby girl,” he said. It elicited a knowing scoff out of you. However, his smirk softened. “But you’re also lucky as hell to have your mom.”

Ben looked back at you, and there was the predictable well of tears forming in your eyes.

“She’s the best damn woman you’re ever gonna meet,” he said.

He knew then that what he said to you before was right. If he had to go back to 1984, or even 1944, he’d do it all exactly the same.

It all worked out pretty damn well, from where he was standing.

AN: I’m not crying, you’re crying. 🥹😭

I sincerely hope you enjoyed “Strong as Blood.” I know I said I was going to be done with these two for a hot minute while I concentrate on “Smoke Eater” (Firefighter!Dean Winchester x Reader - series coming soon).

But now that we’re here, I have another one-shot idea I’d like to sketch out in the near future…

Would you guys want to read about their family dynamic? Maybe fast-forward a couple years to the “terrible twos” stage with their first child.

Along with some cameos from the Annie, Hughie, M.M. and the rest of the team. Maybe even Marie and Louisa, Grandpa George, and the insufferable Aunt Trina?

Let me know in the comments, or just what you thought of Part 2! 😘

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[vagrantblvrd]

The AU where Anakin doesn’t dramatically die on the second Death Star, right?

Luke is like, well, medical treatment is a thing. Comes in hand-y, get it dad? Hand-y?

Anyway.

Luke ~sneaks about getting Anakin medical treatment, some nonsense about “Hey, so. How does one treat electrocution? Asking for a friend,” and other such things.

Some doctor somewhere being, “Oh, well, if it’s for a friend...” and then gives Luke all the information and whatnot he’ll need, and also does this friend of his need life support equipment???

Anyway.

For Plot Reasons Anakin doesn’t die over Endor and Luke is trying to get supplies - he just got this rad new shuttle to fly - the Emperor won’t mind if he borrows it - oh, man. Is it too soon?

Anyway.

One of the Rebels who was on the mission to destroy the shield generator is like, “Vader’s dead, is he?”

Because Luke said so, and also the funeral pyre with his armor and hahaha, why would he ask that?

Weird, right?

Friend I found on the Death Star being held a a prisoner for many years who I then rescued because hero, don’t you think that’s a weird question to ask?

Anakin who is hooked up to many life-saving machines until Luke can get him somewhere to get replacements for the Vader suit as what the Emperor fried while trying to kill them is just.

“Hello, Rex.”

And Luke being, omg, DAD, at least pretend to go along with Luke’s terrible ruse for like. A whole minute, pls.

This fraught moment where Luke isn’t sure what’s going to happen because clearly these two know one another and there’s so much anger and hurt and betrayal in Rex and his dad is this sucking pit of shame and guilt and misery, self-loathing and -

“OKAY, WELL. Unless you’re about to kill him - us - we have places to be. Specifically not here.”

Because everything is celebrations and relief and so on? But also Imperial ships and forces and Alliance forces and so much could go wrong so fast and Luke would like to get his dad somewhere safe before people figure out his deception and brand him as a traitor or whatever and anyway

Does Rex wanna come with?

He gets looks from Anakin and Rex at that and shrugs because hey, no one’s dead yet.

And aside from a few notable exceptions dead people can’t answer whatever questions others might have for him, and anyway, anyway.

Rex sighs, this tired little smile on his face as he looks at Anakin. “He’s definitely your kid.”

Which.

What? But it gets an equally tired smile from Anakin, this sadness to it but also this flicker of pride and Luke escapes to start the pre-flight before he cries, again, and anyway.

Rex joins him up front and offers up somewhere they can go. Friends of his - might not be glad to see Anakin, but they’ll listen to Rex, and so off they go to, idk, someplace clone troopers set up a place for themselves.

(Because I need there to be more of those bastards out there after the mess of Order 66 and other nonsense okay.)

They get Anakin set up with new life-support suit or whatever, one that’s not horrible and awful and a goddamned gift from the monster who created Darth Vader, and anyway. (I may have feelings on the matter.)

Luke avoids calls from Leia and Han and everyone if he can, and when he can’t tells them he’s fine, really, just. Jedi stuff. Feels guilty as hell but he knows Leia can’t handle he truth of it just yet and technically it kind of is Jedi stuff,because Anakin.

Ben visits every so often and Luke pretends he doesn’t know his father was crying afterwards, but after a while he’s so relieved he could cry when he realizes his father didn’t cry in talking to Ben.

(He does, though. Luke cries so much, but conveniently wherever they ended up is in the rainy season and Rex just pats him on the shoulder when Luke comes in and gives him a solemn nod, and anyway. Yes.)

It’s like. Not Done, this whole Vader Thing of Anakin’s, he’s done so many terrible things and all that? But he finds a way to make peace with that, or whatever the proper term is I don’t even know at this point, okay, just.

You know.

Also, though, also.

All the information he knows, or knows how to get his - or any Alliance Intelligence agents - hands on.

Things he gives to Luke or whoever to pass on to the right hands, help the Alliance, and then the New Republic root out the Imperial remnants before they can pose a threat to the fragile peace being built in the Empire’s fall, and so on.

Luke just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and tells anyone who questions where he got the information it’s from the prisoner he rescued and so forth and so on. (Rex backs him up, and his position in the Alliance’s ranks lends Luke more credibility, and anyway. Yes.)

Eventually though, Luke can’t just hide out for forever with his dad and his dad’s old war friends, and also Leia would hunt him to the end of the galaxy if she doesn’t see him soon, and.

Anakin more or less boots him out of the little homestead or compound or whatever it is where they are, tells him to come visit but really, get out, son.

So Luke does.

Tells Leia he’s fine, he’ll tell her what everything was about and such, but. Later, you know? Later.

She lets it go because other business to deal with and anyway, Luke’s gallivanting about and gets ambushed by a Togruta with twin lightsabers who nearly takes his head off before she asks how Rex is doing and has Anakin gotten over himself yet, and also, Luke might want towork on his form a bit.

Which, you know, hi, hello, who the hell are you? But more politely worded and Luke gives Ahsoka the commlink number? address?? whatever??? to contact Anakin.

Hopefully she understands why he didn’t just give her the coordinates to their location, what with nearly taking off Luke’s head and all.

Ahsoka laughs, and does the shoulder pat thing Rex does to him, says, “You’re your dad’s kid alright,” which.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

Anyway.

More adventuring about, Ashoka ambushing him every so often. Payback, she tells him, for everything Anakin ever put her through - before Everything -  she’s quick to clarify, tired smile on her face and Luke understands, but dear God is he so tired of seeing these people who are so important to him looking like that?

ANYWAY.

Some more adventuring about and then this SOS call through the Force and an Imperial light cruiser and this sad panda Mandalorian and.

“Okay, you? You’re coming with.”

And since Luke doesn’t actually have a spot for his school yet and he doesn’t know where this Mandalorian calls home he’s like. “I know a place.”

Anakin and Rex share this look when the shuttle Luke borrowed lands at their little hideaway and Luke comes out with this tiny green gremlin kid toddling after him and this sad panda Mandalorian trailing behind them, and really, the family resemblance has never been stronger, you know?

ANYWAY.

Din and Grogu and Luke trying to figure out how to juggle this whole...Thing.

Anakin never feels comfortable giving Luke advice, because talk about bad role models?

But.

Anakin was raised to follow the old Jedi Order’s rules and whatnot and Vader came of it. (Maybe not the sole reason, but the Order was definitely a factor.)

Also, also.

Anakin doting on Grogu and being his best partner in crime - :D smile when Din comes looking for his tiny green gremlin kid and finds him with Luke’s dad and they’ve both been Up To Something but there’s never any proof, and anyway, yes.

(Also, also. Luke and Anakin bonding over working on this old speeder that’s never run right, or Luke’s X-wing - and okay, yes, maybe someone finds an old Y-wing or something and there are “training exercises” in which everyone takes bets on which Skywalker wins this time and Luke actually hears his dad laugh for the first time and it’s pretty awesome okay.)

But also Boba Fett and Fennec and the whanot finding them and Drama and Boba being like, “Always hated Vader anyway,” and Luke being like !!! but also huh, and Din is like NO.

Because the whole reason Boba and Fennec are even there is because of Bo-Katan and the whole Darksaber business and c’mon, dude, you can’t avoid your duties forever, nice as it might seem.

Anyway.

Anakin looking at his kid who is totally in love with the leader of Mandalore and then at Obi-Wan who is off to the side trying so freaking hard not to laugh, and anyway.

Yes.

(But also, okay, also. Luke trying to tell Leia that hey, their dad’s kind of not dead? And she’s angry - every right to be - and upset and neither of them expect her to do anything, just. They didn’t to keep it from her anymore and more than that she deserved to know, and anyway.

One day, you know. One day she makes a trip out to this hideaway Luke told her about that one time. There’s yelling and crying and not everything is resolved, but. It’s a start and more than Anakin ever thought he’d get and. Yes.)

Also, also.

Anakin and Rex and whoever else going to check out this school Luke is building on Mandalore, Ben beinng like “Oh,” because Luke and Din are like, they found some things he might care to see, and everyone leaves him with old journals or whatever from Duchess Satine and Anakin and Rex wait for him outside, and just, yes.

Basically good, nice things for everyone because I need it today, so yes. /o\

[artreider]

Station 19 rewatch: 4x14

Going to try to do another rewatch before my family wakes up. We have a lot to do today and there is a dark cloud over the house after loaing our cat this week. Here's hoping i can get through one of my favorite episodes before they get up.

Surrera is so cute here and the whole food thing, like girl where is our payoff on this baby that was so clearly teased. Or is there another medical condition that could be blamed on her excessive eating.

Im so glad maya and andy are friends again. I loge their friendship.

I'm glad andy acknowledges that getting married doesnt fix things; but i worry that if maya and carina hit a rough patch, andy will remind maya of this conversation or use her own issues with sullivan and their marriage as an i told you so.

Danielle is beautiful but does anyone else think she lost weight, random question but just looking at her in her uniform there she seems smaller and it worries me. Didnt really notice last time i watched this episode but am i alone in this.

Oh carina baby you so dont want to go. I just want to hug you.

Jack is so cute, he deserves a family so much but i really do fear he'll be killed off.

Im surprised ben reached out to Sullivan instead of dean.

I love this outfit on maya. Carina your girl is flirting with you and thinking of happier times, engage with her.

I love that maya opens up with carina about her dad and the protests and the happenings in the world with him. It shows so much growth and im here for it. Also anyone else annoyed that one carina answered gabriella's phone call when maya is opening up to her and two that she didnt turn it off for their last few hours together.

The look of like disappointment/devestation on maya's face when carina answers the call and walks away from her is too much hurt.

So sad that bailey isnt there and that ben is alone for even a second of this.

I'm glad andy and sullivan came to be there with ben. Like i get why they wanted andy but im sad after ben and Dean's episode dean wasnt there.

Oh jack, i dont even know what to say besides oh jack lol.

The drama with trash girl is too much lmao. I know its important for jack/inara but its just too much.

Carina packing up her knives being a trigger for maya like she's leaving forever is heartbreaking.

Carina snapping at maya hurts, dont be mean to baby. Also the kitchen sign is totally carina's doing and though she hadnt confided in maya yet that she is her home its a dead giveaway.

I really need screen grabs of the changing words on the sign.

The kids talk, the coming out talk and the marriage talk are all things that should not be done while packing or doing anything else.

Wait it totally sounded like she said "it felt pregnant" lmao or i just have babies on the brain.

Now carina being flirty and maya not reciprocating.

Maya you shouldve pushed the marriage talk now if it was what you really wanted. Instead of letting carina drop the i never wanted to get married bomb and walk away.

Andy and ben together, this friendship is beautiful. I feel like it took several seasons for ben to really get in good the team. Im trying to think of other moments besides the prt support and such when he really connected with folks before this season and none come to mind. He has been an outlier from my memory, tell me im wrong with examples please.

Lmao "you slept with my wife which means we are in a pod", things a pandemic makes funny.

Thats just wrong, giving gibson shit still. Dont hit the puppy with the newspaper when he's doing nothing wrong.

Once again with gabriella, seriously carina turn off your phone and be present with maya and maya alone.

Maya's jealousy is everything. This argument ugh, so good and just the tip of the iceberg.

I hope that maya does take the month break and the months after to really get to know the us immigration system and what it will take for carina to become an american citizen as well as learn more italian. I dont need her fluent but id love to see her use some italian with carina. She lost her brother who she spoke to in her native tongue itd be nice for her to gain that in her wife.

I love how carina stops herself as she raises her voice at maya, like she realizes it may be triggering to maya. I really do think the show and actresses put in a lot in this episode to show how well they know each other and have grown. I feel like they talk more even if we dont see it and maya is working on her issues with carina's love and support. I also do love how this argument ends though ;)

Once again maya opening up and finally carina is there and not sidetracked. And its nice carina opens up as well.

Ben's dream with the different versions of himself and his mom is funny and heartbreaking.

Joey in the dream lmao.

The nice thing about ben is if he gets hurt on the job and cant be a firefighter anymore he has other professions to fall back on.

Oh jack. I just want you to get your happy ending.

I still think its so weird to be talking about jack after they had sex but im glad they are in a place that is so comfortable and can laugh about him.

Once again another bomb dropped, kids. This is something that needs to be discussed properly.

Oh maya dont drop the marriage bomb like that. And i guess i dont underatand the outrage of the "just because", like why would carina think it was anything but that when it was dropped on her like that and after she said she didnt want to get married. This fight is so much about misunderstandings and hurtful comments.

I get how maya's fear gets the best of her here especially after carina said they just moved in together because they didnt want to be apart (asif that is a bad thing) and it was bureaucracy.

And i can understand why maya's fear hurts carina but they both needed to take a minute to breathe and try to talk it out.

I do like when carina tells maya to breathe, again like she knows her triggers and feels maya is on the verge of a panic attack.

If carina felt she married maya when she moved in i really dont see the harm in making it official. Would her having been moved out in italy for 6 months or more have felt like a divorce. I really need to know more about her logic here.

I agree why not just do it.

You've both said enough carina. I hate that she just walks away, so un carina like.

How did jack end up at the hospital? Was he called or what?

Andy is such a good friend this episode, checking on everyone.

Gabriella is so right noone wants to be proposed to the way maya kind of did. Like i cant help but wonder how carina would've taken a true proposal.

Im so glad gabriella spoke some truth to carina and turned her around on the marriage idea.

If we let the wrong decisionss rule how we live our lives things in the world would be so different. Less babies possibly and fewer marriages among other things.

Once again andy being a good friend this episode.

If carina hadnt shown up im curious what maya's next move wouldve been after talking to andy.

Love the proposal and love how its carina who announces they are getting married.

[oceanspray5]

So from your reblogs I'm guessing you watched "no way home"... so would you maybe care to share your thoughts? 👀 Because I... am an emotional mess here 😭

Yes! I saw No Way Home! Okay so... thoughts. Putting under a read more so no one gets spoiled.

First Off: IT WRECKED ME!

God I wasn't expecting that much angst and we got so much of it!!! Aunt May is gone! MJ and Ned forget! Peter is being a self-sacrificing ass! MY BOY IS ALL ALONE! PEPPER AND MORGAN AND HAPPY FORGOT HIM TOO!

Pls someone save my boi. My heart aches for him.

I liked the premise. But I have to say Peter is better than me. I would not be spending my time rehabbing murderous villains. Like if they kill someone they deserve to die imo but I guess thats why I'm not a superhero and he is.

ANDREW AND TOBEY! MY BOYS! THEY WERE BACK!

The villains were amazing. Alfred Molina and Willem Defoe's acting? Oscar worthy performances (maybe I'm exaggerating but they were 11/10).

AUNT MAY! I knew she wasn't okay but I HOPED she would live and then she said THE LINE and I knew she was gonna die! I like to think Uncle Ben exists in this universe and he used to say this line but Aunt May got to say it this time cuz her husband is long dead in this universe. It was a nice twist to the original IMO. I don't get people who are upset about it.

Honestly my favorite moment was when they came on screen. Everyone screamed when Andrew appeared but then they screamed even louder for Tobey. I'm glad I could experience that in the cinema. It was really fun. I also really like how eager they were. You could just tell Andrew was THRILLED to be playing Spidey again and Tobey was happy to come to a reunion. Its just so in-character for them.

SPIDERBROS! THEY'RE BROTHERS! THEY'RE FAMILY! Andrew screaming I love you to the other two! The brotherly banter! Tobey being responsible reliable big bro and refusing to let Andrew put himself down! And him helping Tom through the anger at Green Goblin! Also Andrew being so excited to have brothers and cracking Tobey's back! THEIR HUG! The way they were SO EXCITED that Tom was 'in a band' like they didn't even know what the Avengers were, they were just super happy and supportive cuz little them was excited! Them ready to FIGHT Strange cuz they thought he left Peter alone.

Andrew Spidey catching MJ was something I expected but we all screamed in the theater nonetheless. It was such a moment of closure and the way he cried when MJ asked him if he was okay. MY HEART!

The ending was so angsty. Peter made that choice and the Spideychelle ILY moment where she tells him to find her first. And then Peter DOESN'T! He's too self sacrificial and protective. Like I get it! But also PAIN.

Also, NED HAS MAGIC? HOW COOL IS THAT! CANT WAIT TIL THAT IS EXPLORED AND PETER HAS NO EXCUSE TO KEEP HIM AND MJ AT ARMS LEGNTH!

I'm so glad they confirmed Michelle as MJ Watson in this film too. I didn't even know there were rumors where people thought Disney wants to introduce the 'real' MJ Watson. Idk where they come from but if only to shut up the haters, its great to know we know who the eventual endgame for MCU Spidey is gonna be.

Now for my criticisms:

I wanted more Ned and Peter but I did like what we got.

The writing was... kinda oof. I kinda picked up on it while watching in the cinema and when I tell you there were A LOT of issues. However, I refuse to pick them apart cuz I enjoyed this movie so much. Everyone clearly had an amazing time making it and we enjoyed watching it so what more is needed?

THEY CUT A SCENE WITH MORGAN AND PETER IN IT AND I DEMAND TO SEE IT!

Not really looking forward to any love triangle drama they might introduce in trilogy 2 whether they are gonna introduce other love interests for Peter or even MJ but you know, that's too far out to think of rn. Isn't even a fact really, just speculation so why worry?

In general I lowkey dislike some of the soft reboot aspect? I really hope they have Peter reconnect with the Avengers, especially Happy and Pepper and Morgan. He was an unofficial part of the Iron family and I loved that. I am ready to fight people who think Peter's story is compromised in any way by that association because well... sometimes its okay to have a different story. He wasn't some billionaire's son like people like to hemm and haww about. Tony just helped protect him while he was learning how to be a hero and for a kid superhero is that such a bad thing? Idk I just really want him to rebuild those connections in the second trilogy as well as the connections with Ned and MJ. As a more mature adult who doesn't want to be a part of the Avengers but who wants the connection with his old mentor's daughter just for familial reasons cuz she was like a little sister to him. Peter Parker has a family with the Starks and I will FIGHT anyone who says otherwise. He deserves to reconnect with them.

Anyway all that aside, I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THE SECOND TRILOGY! I demand my PeterMJ endgame and PeterNed bromance again. I have been DEVOURING fics ever since I watched the film on Friday. Both Spideybro fics and all variety of Fix It fics. Amnesia as a trope is just so painful to go without them, yknow? But for now I really loved this movie. I can't wait til its out in HD so I can rewatch. For now I'm contenting myself with the low res gifs on tumblr and sharing in the collective chaos and anguish of that ending.

These are some of my rough thoughts! Thanks for asking and also I would love to hear yours!

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Heartstopper thoughts!!!

Okay I finished, like, 5 minutes ago, but I have so many thoughts, so I’ll put it under cut but TL;DR: it was a fucking good show.

The Good

Look, the entire show can be fit here, even though there will be an ‘The Not-So-Good’ section later, but that’s literally only two points so. But yeah, this show worked really well for a fan of Heartstopper, but it also works really well for new fans. It’s a sweet and simple show, and honestly, that’s what I like about it. I love deep (queer) media as much as the next person, but this is just a nice watch and it’s super enjoyable. This is one of the best shows I’ve seen.

The cinematography is off the charts, especially the lightning design. The sets and costumes are amazing and they really bring the whole story to live. Like, I legit gasped when I saw that Nick and Charlie had notebooks with the Truham logo on it. It’s such a small detail, but it makes it so real.

We’ve already talked about how spot on the casting it, but one that was an unexpected star in my eye was the guy who played Harry. Yes, Harry. I think everyone’s already gushed enough about the main six and Tori and Nellie, but Ben and Harry’s actors were also stellar. I remember thinking how much I hated Harry, and that’s when I realised his actor did a stellar job of playing this cocky douchebag.

Speaking of Ben, I was at times confused as to why Ben was added to more plot points. Overall, I am not the biggest fan of creating extra drama for the sake of drama, so when he was there at the cinema, I went “...why?”, but they really did amp up the threat of Ben which made his final showdown on the field more cathartic. 

And speaking of casting: Olivia fucking Colman. The Heartstopper Discord already called it, but it was nice to have it confirmed. 

I loved how I could so clearly recognise scenes from the actual comic. I expect that talented artists are already making comparison gifsets, like they did with the trailers. But really, word-for-word sometimes. I was actually able to talk along with most of the dialogue for some scenes, which felt really great. It happens too often that an adaption is basically a whole new thing, and then it’s a ‘loose adaption’ or ‘inspired by’ and that stuff, but no, this is how you do it.

As an extension, I am so fucking happy that some things made it into the show, especially Julio Spring showing concern for Charlie. I get that the big story beats were there. That was expected. That makes me appreciate the little things like this a bit more.

That being said, some additions were really great. It led to character interaction that was missing in the story. I specifically liked the scenes between Nick and Tao. And also, the Hearstopper comic is mostly a Charlie story. Sometimes it shifts to other characters, but it’s a Charlie story through and through, which works as a webcomic, but for the show I am glad they also showed more things. Like, the whole struggle of Tara and Darcy and coming out? Readers know of it, because Tara tells Charlie in Paris, but now it was actually shown. Same with Elle integrating into Higgs. And I specifically liked that the Taoelle story was now done from Elle’s POV. In the comic, it’s obviously Tao, since Tao is around Charlie, the narrator, but the show allowed people to see the other side. It amuses me that people who haven’t read the comic don’t even know Tao likes her back. I do assume that the whole Paris thing won’t be part of a later season, though, because some of the big plot points have already happened.

Basically, Tao, Elle, Darcy and Tara had more to do. It makes sense that we don’t see it in the comic, so it’s cool to see it here. We even see Tao’s mum! And Elle has more chances to talk about her own experiences at Truham.

Of course, concessions had to be made. I did miss some things. Isaac is a nice replacement for Aled, but he didn’t really do anything. And I also missed the support of Otis, Christian and Sai. That being said, I don’t think they damage the overal story and it leads to a more effective change in the later episodes, where Charlie is regressing and Nick is struggling. 

I was also surprised that the show already started hinting and Charlie’s anorexia, since in the comics, that started in Paris. I appreciate it.

The Not-So-Good

Tao, honey... we need to talk. I feel very conflicted about Tao’s role in the show and how they changed it from the comics. When Tao didn’t have his big moment at the bowling alley, explaining to Charlie why he’s acting like he is, I already had an “...oh?” moment. Now, the loneliness approach isn’t bad and it’s relatable. Everyone’s pairing off and Tao’s all alone. But it did annoy me. I never saw comic!Tao as jealous. Again, all his rudeness stems from having great intentions, but not knowing how to act on them. I really was surprised when Tao found out through Elle and I was also really annoyed by his reaction. I understand that he later apologises because he understands that he gave reasons for Charlie to be nervous, but the moment he sent that petty message or when he started yelling at Charlie? Nope. And I supposed I am biased here, because I really love Tao in the comics, because I see a lot of myself in him. Tao is the straight guy by being the Token Straight, and by being the straight guy in terms of tropes and what not. He’s the rational one. He’s the understanding one. He calculates what is going on around him, so when he does get upset (like in Paris), he can understand it. But no, this Tao just straight up lashes out to Charlie. And this rationality in the comics is also a character flaw, I know. Hence the whole thing about Tao trying his best, but because he’s so hell-bent on his own logic, he sometimes doesn’t consider other people’s feelings, but I’d much rather pick this character flaw over whatever the fuck show!Tao has going on. Like, I really, really disliked how Tao acted in the last two episodes. In the comic, he’s also incredibly upset and he creates some distance, but he never ‘punishes’ Charlie for not coming out! This Tao on the other hand ghosts him and what not and it really pissed me off. So is it a bad thing? Not necessarily. It makes sense in the context of the show and how they dropped hints from the very first episode. It’s more that I know how it could’ve been.

Weird thing to note, I know, but the ever changing background music annoyed me. Sure, it has bangers like girls from girl in red, but this was a lot of stuff.

And... unfortunately...

The Bad

Yeah, there’s one big bad. I didn’t warn you, I know. Luckily, it’s only one thing, so no bullet points here, but I have a lot to say about The Bad. Now, do I think The Bad ruins the overall enjoyment? No. As I said, I think this is one of the best shows ever. So, what’s the Big Bad?

Imogen.

When Imogen and Isaac got announced as new characters, I was interested. Isaac’s existence was explained, but why did they add Imogen? I was immediately worried Imogen was going to be the Straight Girl. I wrote during my watch: “I assume it’s the higher-ups who wants this additional drama, because every mainstream m/m teen media has to have this straight girl who is nothing more than a dramatic plot device and who incites guilt when it comes to queer identity and coming out.” But yeah, that’s how I feel about this trope. Vișinata from the CO Discord put it properly here: “It’s cruel and unkind to the gay protag(s) AND to the straight girl who’s reduced to a flat character who isn’t allowed to be a supportive person without their romantic feelings making them a selfish jerk”.

This trope just needs to die. It was the worst part of Love, Simon and Love, Victor. Glee made Tina’s entire character at one point as ‘a pathetic girl who crushes on gay men’. Mercedes also went through it in Glee. I heard from my friend Verena that it’s also common in the Skamverse. Can’t we have one M/M show or something that doesn’t sacrifice a girl’s feelings?

Then it became clear that she’s a dear friend of Nick and they always hang out at the school gates. Okay, and I did like this idea. We don’t know a whole lot about Nick pre-Charlie until later in the comic, so I really liked the idea of Nick having a supportive friend who he could maybe confine in, especially since I knew the Rugby Lads weren’t going to be in here. I hoped Imogen would be a sort of third party, an objective look for Nick. I was really excited about this idea, actually. And then they posted the character bio’s and... this is what happened. When I saw that Imogen’s *cough* fun fact *cough* was that she has a secret crush, I knew I could drop all my hopes for Imogen down the drain. And yeah, the moment it became clear within the show that Imogen had a crush, I was so annoyed.

Also, because her character was just shit. The whole claiming of Nick part? And then Nick said yes to the date. Jesus, if I hadn’t been on campus during that scene, I might’ve yelled. At least it didn’t get dragged out extremely long. I am so glad for that. Nick realised himself that he needed to end it, and he did. God, I genuinely think the entire show would’ve gone down the rating if they had done that. Not only that, but Imogen accepts it and moves on. No bullshit, guilt-tripping “you broke my heart” crap, like they did in Love, Simon. And in her last on-screen moment, she seems to understand and she’s glad for Nick and Charlie.

But this raises my other question: why bother adding Imogen in the first place? AGAIN, AGAIN, I AM SO GLAD THEY DIDN’T MAKE A BIG THING OUT OF IT, but then why make a thing out of it in the first place? Also, since Imogen had literally nothing else to do in this entire show apart from this shitty storyline. She’s supposed to be one of Nick’s best friends, but you can barely see that. So yeah, that’s The Bad.

I don’t hate Imogen. I just wish she had more to do.

The Good Two Electric Boogaloo

Since this show is so good, I obviously don’t want to end this post on a sad note!

Cameos! I see you Solitaire and I Was Born For This on Charlie’s bookcase. Funny that Charlie has a book about his sister, but then again, in the comics, Tara reads a book about Aled. I also loved Alice’s cameo, and also it was clear that she painted some background art.

And even though I desperately want a second season now, I like that it didn’t end on a cliffhanger. This season covered way more than I expected, so I am also very glad if this is the end and if Heartstopper becomes nothing more than a limited series, or whatever it’s called. I’m content.

It’s also interesting that they managed to squeeze so much of the comic into these four hours and it never felt rushed!

I probably have a lot more to add but HOLY FUCK please watch this show!!!

My favourite scenes are definitely the snow scene, the first big Tara/Darcy kiss, the hug with Charlie and Tori, the last scene on the beach, and Nick’s coming out.

Can I talk a bit about the first Tara/Darcy kiss? Apart from the fact that it was beautifully shot, it was also beautifully framed. I almost cried (I did cry at the beach scene, but that was in the privacy of my dorm. I watched the Tara/Darcy kiss on campus). The way Nick saw them and it all made sense to him. I think every queer person has this One Big Moment where they see other queer people in the wild and it’s just euphoric. Not only could you feel Tara and Darcy’s joy, but also Nick’s. And it brought me back to my own feelings of queer joy and the fact that this show now exists. This wouldn’t have been possible ten years ago. Not to be the bitch to talk about glee again, but every time Nick and Charlie kissed, I had a moment of “man, this literally wasn’t allowed when glee was airing” moment. Klaine and Brittana were only allowed to kiss, like, once or twice a season and only in The Special Episode that grouped all queer rep of the year together in a neat bow. Yes, things got better in season 6 when it comes to casual intimacy, but man, if you would’ve told little Klainer 12 Yuè anno 2012/2013, I would’ve flipped.

BASICALLY THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS EVER.

[randomfandom815]

Defending the women of LOST/Sexism in LOST

People say they don’t like Kate Austen because she’s “annoying” “can’t choose between Jack and Sawyer” “always wants to join every single mission”. Kate has way bigger things to worry about than sorting out her romantic feelings. Yes, she is developing feelings for both Jack and Sawyer, but she doesn’t have time to figure them out while trying to survive on the island. And the fact that people don’t like her because of the whole “I’m coming with you” thing is a little ridiculous, because they’re hating Kate for wanting to protect her friends and do whatever she can to help. You know who else does that? Jack. But plenty of people love him for those very same reasons. Yeah, a lot of Kate’s character was centered around the love triangle, but that isn’t the character’s fault, it the writers’s.

Then there’s Claire Littleton. People always complain about her “my baby!” thing, but... she only actually says that a few times, AND, if your child was taken from you or you thought your child was going to be hurt, wouldn't you be worried out of your mind? Wouldn’t you want to do anything to help them? People also criticize Claire for her entire Season 6 arc. She was alone, on the island, thinking everyone had abandoned her, with only the MIB for company. She was also tortured by the temple Others, who she thought had taken her child. Claire was a single mother who just wanted to keep her son safe, give her a break. 

Sun-Hwa Kwon is a character who actually doesn’t receive that much hate, but there is still the fact that people don’t like her because she left Ji Yeon to go back to the island for Jin. Here’s the thing: Sun had no way of knowing what was would happen on the island. She had no way of knowing that Jin had time traveled to the past, and she had no way of knowing what would happen with the MIB/Locke. She thought that she would be able to go to the island, bring Jin and the others back, and the two of them would reunite with Ji Yeon. And then in the submarine incident, Sun didn't want Jin to stay. She wanted him to live and take care of Ji Yeon. It was Jin who made the decision to die with her, not Sun.

Shannon Rutherford is a very unlikable character. Even I don’t enjoy her character, or Boone, and that is a view shared by many other people in the fandom. Many people call her selfish, spoiled, and just plain rude. And she was all of those things, but that wasn’t her entire character. Remember, they had all just been through a plane crash, landed on an island with no chance of rescue. Also, friendly reminder that she was only 20 years old. She was scared, and her way of coping with that was to try to do something normal. Let’s not forget, in Pilot, Part 2, she volunteered to go on the mission to fix the transceiver. She was constantly feeling useless, and it didn’t help that other characters, especially Boone, were constantly putting her down and mocking her. When she started to see Walt, she genuinely made an attempt to help him, even though she wasn’t sure if he was even there. Her death was untimely, and I wished we had gotten to see her grow more as a person. Also, her death was used for shock value and to further Sayid’s character development.

And now, one of the most hated characters of LOST, Ana Lucia Cortez. Now, while the characters I mentioned above were shit on and criticized, Ana Lucia was absolutely hated by the fandom. People hated her attitude, her toughness, her dislike of most of the people around her, and the fact that she killed Shannon (who, by the way, was just as disliked by many Ana Lucia haters). You know who else has a similar attitude? Who has that same toughness and dislike of people? Who else killed someone? That would be Sawyer, a fan-favorite, white male character who is beloved by the fandom. Now, for the last point, what I am comparing here is Ana Lucia killing Shannon to Sawyer killing the man he thought was Frank Sawyer in Australia, right before flight 815. Ana Lucia killed Shannon because she was trying to protect the people she was leading (including Sawyer!) from who she thought was the Others, and killing Shannon was an accident. Sawyer killed the man completely on purpose and out of revenge. Oh, and it wasn’t even the right person. Yes, I am aware of the man Ana killed long before flight 815 out of revenge, but if we can take her very small amount of character development, in which she refused to kill Henry Gale, a known Other at that point. Whereas Sawyer was still willing to kill a bunch of people in Season 6, the end of his character arc. And yet, Sawyer is still in most people’s top five characters lists (just to be clear, I do not hate Sawyer at all, and this is not anti Sawyer but pro Ana Lucia). You may argue that people love Sawyer because of his character development, which I do agree with. However, Ana Lucia was never given the chance to have Sawyer-like character development because she was killed off in the same season that she was introduced in. She wasn’t even allowed to be in the church in the flash-sideways, and she didn’t get to “move on.” Ana Lucia deserved way better than the death for shock value that she got.

Next up on the list is Juliet Burke. She, like Sun, also isn’t the target of a lot of hate, but there are still things that need defending. The first thing is, of course, her sudden change of mind when it came to detonating the hydrogen bomb in Season 5. Yes, it was selfish of her to endanger everyone on the island just because of the way Sawyer looked at Kate. But if the plan did actually work, which she thought it would, that meant she would lose everything she had gained over the past few years, including Sawyer. Juliet is incredibly kind and feminine while also being badass at the same time, which is amazing because you don’t usually see those two traits coinciding (usually a badass character isn’t very feminine and a “traditionally feminine” character isn’t a good fighter). As for all of her motives in Season 3, Juliet was trapped on the island for three years. All she wanted to do was leave and go home to her sister. Yes, she manipulated Sun, but right after that, she made things right by helping Jack make a plan to stop the Others. Her death was heroic, and I’m glad she was finally able to be happy in the flash-sideways. (I am declining to mention her whole relationship with Goodwin and all the drama with Ben, although I might dive into that in another post). 

Now, the character Rose Nadler has almost nothing that needs to be defended. She is a constant wise voice of reason who isn’t concerned with the drama of the rest of the survivors. Her relationship with her husband Bernard is very sweet, but she doesn’t let that stop her from doing the smart thing (like stopping his SOS sign idea). Not only that, but Rose has one of the best (and most meta) lines on the show: “If you say live together, die alone to me, Jack, I’m going to punch you in the face.”

Another character who doesn't need much defending is Charlotte Lewis, but not for the same reason as Rose. Charlotte was done dirty by the writers. Of the science team, she is the least fleshed out and explored. She had a single flashback and a little bit of exposition information from Ben, but that’s pretty much it. Every significant thing she did was for the sake of other characters. She had a fake-out death so Ben would reveal that he had a spy on the boat. She was taken to the Barracks so that members of Jack’s group would have a reason to go there. Her going to the Barracks was also an excuse to get Miles and Kate there. And she only died/was dying for shock value, to up the stakes of the time flashes, to provide more questions to the characters and the audience, and to further Daniel’s character development. In the flash-sideways, all she did was go on a date with Sawyer and further his character development. She didn't get to go to the church and move on. Daniel and Miles, the other members of her team, on the other hands were given compelling backstories and centric episodes.

Penelope Widmore is similar to Charlotte in that there isn’t much to defend because she doesn’t do much that affects the plot. Nearly everything she does is about Desmond, and the writers barely even gave her a personality. I’m sure Penny was an actually interesting person, if they had bothered her to give her any storyline that didn't involve her love interest.

Danielle Rousseau is a character that kind of slides in and out of the story as needed. Now, Danielle isn’t the subject of a lot of criticism just because she isn’t very focused on, but from what I have seen, here’s what I have to say: Danielle was alone on the island for sixteen years. And for sixteen years, she had to live with the knowledge that she was forced to kill the man she loved and her team. Not to mention the fact that her daughter, Alex, was taken away from her when she was just a week old. Can you blame Danielle for being paranoid? Her death was not a fair end to the character, and it was only used to kill off Danielle quickly and provide shock value.

Her daughter, Alex Rousseau, is similar to Charlotte and Penny in that she doesn’t need to be defended because everything she does is to affect other characters. In this case, those characters are Ben and Danielle (especially Ben in the later seasons). Danielle’s entire character is centered around the fact that she lost Alex and has been searching for her, and Ben’s motivations after Season 4 are largely motivated by Alex’s death. She herself doesn’t have much of a character arc, and her death was only to provide shock value and further Ben’s character development.

Another character that falls into the category of not having much to defend because every action is for someone else is Libby Smith. Once the tailies and the main survivors joined together, she was almost immediately shoved in a relationship with Hurley. The only things we knew about her backstory were that her husband died, she was a clinical psychologist, she was in the same mental hospital as Hurley, and she gave Desmond a boat. That’s it. She didn’t have a centric episode, and she only appeared in other people’s flashbacks. Her death was only to provide shock value and further Hurley’s character development, as well to show that Michael betrayed the survivors. 

Notice how many of these women died for shock value and/or to further a man’s character development? Notice how many of these women are disliked for traits that other characters are loved for? Notice how many of them barely exist as their own character without a man? I love LOST, I really do, but their treatment of female characters needed a lot of improvement.

[be-the-spark-flyboy]

Hard Feelings

Call It What You Want (8/?)

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

A/N: this slow burn is annoying even me

Chapter Summary: Thank god for Rey

Warnings: swearing, sed Poe

Word count: ~2k

It isn’t the ideal weather for a walk but Beebee seems thrilled at the prospect despite the cold. His tiny boot-clad paws pattering alongside Poe, forever his loyal companion. The park isn’t completely void of human traffic, though it’s a lot busier when it is warmer.

Poe finds a seat far enough from the road and the sound of traffic while Beebee happily traipses through the frozen ground looking for stray twigs and running in circles chasing his tail. Poe watches him play, entirely in his own world.

Poe started the day feeling anxious about talking to you. Then he was disappointed that he couldn’t get you to meet up with him. He was mad at himself for kissing you instead of telling you that he broke up with his now ex-girlfriend first. Now after seeing you with Ben is he supposed to be mad at you for letting him kiss you? It hurt seeing you with Ben and all the resentment he felt was directed towards him and not you. 

Who’s to be blamed for this? What was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to feel? If there was one clear emotion he felt atop of everything else, that would be confusion.

Poe whips out his phone, dialling the one person that could make him feel better. It doesn’t take long for his dad to pick up the phone.

If only there weren’t so many miles between them. The distance isn’t new to him. Poe spent so many years of his life wishing he wasn’t so far from his dad, wishing he could just run to him whenever he wanted to instead of settling for a phone call. But that never stopped him from seeking out comfort from Kes Dameron.

The first question he asks once Poe greets him is, “What’s wrong, Poe?” Looks like nothing escapes his dad’s notice. Is he that transparent? It must be the years of experience dealing with his constant moods over the phone. Poe sighs, rubbing his temples with his free hand.

“Nothing. It’s just, there’s just a lot going on,” he answers. “How are you?” Kes recognizes the weariness in his son’s voice right away. It isn’t the first time he’s hearing it. 

“I’m fine, just had lunch,” Kes begins to tell him about his day then quickly launches into a story about how a few people from his work covered his coworker’s car with post-it notes as a prank a few days ago.

His voice feels like a warm embrace in the unforgiving cold. Suddenly Poe is taken back to his childhood home, sitting by the fireplace watching with rapt attention as his father spun tales about anything and everything.

In his presence, nothing could harm him. Nothing could stand against Kes Dameron’s dogged determination to make his loved ones happy. The events of his day slowly become a distant memory in Poe’s mind as he laughs along with his dad.

“Better now?” Kes asks after a while.

“Yeah, thanks dad,” He did feel better.

“You still don’t wanna talk about it?”

“Not right now, no,” Maybe not ever, he thinks. Would it be so bad to just forget about everything?

“I’m here if there’s anything you need, okay?” Kes offers. His words bring a smile to Poe’s face.

“I know dad, I love you,” Not the worse day. He’s had worse before, he was fine.

Beebee nudges his feet as he hangs up, bored of playing with stray twigs by himself. Or maybe he was just cold. Poe lifts the corgi onto his lap, tucking him into his jacket, his head adorably jutting out. Beebee headbutts him on the chin.

“Looks like I need a shave, huh?” Poe asks him. “Actually, I think I’m gonna let it grow out a bit more,” He says, running his palm over his face, the light stubble grazing against his palm. Beebee looks up at him, tilting his head to one side as if he was pondering it.

“You think that’s a good idea?” Beebee lets out a small yip in response. “Yeah? Okay, then. I guess we’re growing a beard,”

—-

Poe never texted you after. It had been a few days since the kiss you really wanted to forget about but couldn’t. But you still needed to talk to Poe. You didn’t want to avoid him forever, neither could you pretend like nothing happened especially after running out of the house like that. You figured that he’d want to meet you some other time but he never texted again. 

You think about asking Rey about him when she comes over in a few minutes. She’d help you. But you’d have to tell her about kissing Poe, assuming Poe hadn’t already told the two of them, which seemed impossible. 

You use the remaining few minutes to tidy up a few things around the house, trying not to think too hard about anything. It was just Rey, she is your friend, she will help you. 

At the sound of the doorbell, Jessika springs up from her seat to get to the door. “Rey!” You hear them enthusiastically embrace, having not seen each other since the new year's party.

“We getting pizza, or do you guys want something else?” You ask and you get a chorus of agreement as a reply.

“I got us some wine,” Rey grins, pulling out two bottles from her bag.

Two hours and two large pizzas later, the three of you sit squeezed together in the couch, a movie droning in the background that none of you pays attention to. The alcohol draws more giggles from you as you sip wine from ceramic mugs, well into the second bottle by the time you finish your dinner.

Jessika animatedly recounts the story of how she saw the most attractive person in the world in the coffee shop that morning. Having already heard that particular story always twice, your attention slips away to your earlier dilemma. The wine certainly boosts your confidence ‘cause you’re sure you never would’ve gotten the words out if you were sober, but you dive headfirst into the question without any warning.

“Did Poe, um, tell you anything about the other night?” You hesitantly ask her just as Jessika finishes her story, absentmindedly picking at a thread on the blanket. “You know when you were at the dentist and I came over?”

“Before you say anything, I need to tell you that Poe broke up with Sarah weeks ago,” Rey interrupts you before you start on a downward spiral talking a million miles per hour. She’s glad you brought it up, because how was she supposed to ask you if you kissed her childhood best friend/ roommate?

You remain eerily silent for the while after whispering an oh at the revelation. Weeks ago? Long before he kissed you. Why didn’t he just tell you that? Oh, wait, because you ran out of the house after that and avoided him. You certainly owe him an apology.

Normally Rey is content sitting back and watching the drama unfold in people’s lives around her. But this was two people she really cares about, running circles around each other. Technically, meddling is justified if the parties involved were both dumbasses, right? And the only possible way to do that was to throw all the facts out in the open, hoping it would clear some things for you and at the same time try not exposing Poe too much.

“The guys saw you and Ben the other day at the diner. They had to leave before they could say hi, though,” Rey tells you.

“Oh,” That was something you didn’t expect her to say. “You know Ben?” You ask voicing out the first question in your mind.

“Yeah, he’s Poe’s godmother’s son,”

“Oh!” You suddenly exclaim. “He is Ben. It’s the same person! Ben Solo is Leia Organa’s son?” Rey nods laughing at your surprise. “I didn’t think he was that Ben, you know because they don’t have the same last name,”

“Are you dating him?” She asks.

“What? No. We’re just friends,”

“She’s not dating Ben, she’s meant to be with Poe!” Jessika cries out, dramatically flopping over the backrest

“Shut up, Jess,” you groan as Rey joins her, cackling. A thought hits you from nowhere all of a sudden. One you don’t like all that much.

“Does Poe think I’m with Ben?” Rey answers with a high-pitched, drawn-out, ‘maaaaybe?’ and you want to crash your head against the greasy pizza box. “I’m too sober for this,” You settle for draining the remaining wine from your cup instead.

“Why do they hate each other that much anyway?” You ask after a while. Sure, Poe mentioned some childhood animosity between him and Ben. But it looked like it was much more than that.

“Oh honey, you need more wine for that,” Jessika pours more into your cup, refilling hers and Rey’s as well. Of course, Jess would know. You would’ve asked if you weren’t too busy trying to stomp down your feelings for Poe.

“Sarah cheated on Poe with Ben,” Rey casually responds.

You splutter into your cup, almost choking on the liquid. “What?” Rey nods solemnly.

That was just great. Now you have to explain to the guy you like that you are not dating the guy whom his ex cheated on him with. And Ben. What was he thinking?

“How did that happen?” You ask.

“Well, it was early in their relationship,” Rey shrugs. “She convinced Poe not to dump her sorry ass after that,”

“Jesus,” You breathe. No wonder everyone hates her so much. “Oh god, what do I do now?”

---

“Stop that,” Snap nudges Poe who ignored him and continues to click his pen incessantly against his notebook. “You’re fucking annoying, what’s the matter with you today?” Poe tosses his pen on the table.

“It’s nothing,” He replies half heartedly. Snap knows that isn’t the case. He knew the last time his mood was this sour. But he was no longer dating Sarah, so...

“Is it Ben again?” Poe’s eyes immediately flicks up to the man in question sitting a few rows before him, shooting a withering glare to the back of his head. That is answer enough for Snap.

“What did he do this time?” The question comes from behind Poe this time as Kare leans forward between the two of them.

“It’s none of your business, Kare,” Snap tries to shoo her away. “And you two should pay attention, I’m not sharing my notes with you again,”

“Shut up, I’m not talking to you,” She waves him off, directing her attention back to Poe as Snap rolls his eyes at her. Poe angles himself to face her as he tells them both about what he saw at the diner. 

“That doesn’t really mean she like him, right? She kissed you,” Snap interrupts.

“I thought you were paying attention to the lecture?” Kare snaps at him.

“Shut up, I’m not talking to you,” Children, Poe thinks.

“She was wearing his jacket,” He continues, ignoring their bickering. “And she blew me off to go get lunch with him,” he shrugs. “It adds up,”

“Do ya’ll mind? Some of us come here to study,” Hux sharply interrupts from beside him, looking down his nose at the three of them. Signature sneer on his pasty face.

“Sorry Hugs,” Poe drawls, turning to the front.

He manages a few productive minutes of actually paying attention before his phone chimes in his pocket earning another glare from Hux. He rolls his eyes, pulling his phone from his pocket to switch it to silent. Then the notification catches his eyes. You texted him. Curiosity gets the best of him and he opens it.

Hey, sorry I couldn’t make It for lunch the other day. Would you like to go today?

Did he want to anymore? He had half a mind to blow you off. That may be a little petty but it definitely sounded appealing. Poe places his phone back in his pocket. He’ll just text you after class.

—-

The Dameron taglist (open): @writefightandflightclub @arkofblake @yougottakeeponkeepinon @multifandomlife22 @skymerons @smol-peter-parker @rae-rae-patcha @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol @spider-starry @hkmultifandom @cloud-leader @elmoakepoke @staringmoony @valhallavalkyrie9 @the-cry-of-youth @liadamerondjarin @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @takemepedropascal @xremember-me-notx @softly-sad @loserbelle @littleeuphoriaelf @missmadwoman @gottalovethefandom @seejayyou

[geekkatsblog]

Reviewing Grey's Anatomy Episodes but this time its Season 17

(To those people on my page who don't watch Grey's Anatomy but are being subjected to this I'm so sorry but I really just like to vent about this show.)

Its season 17 now Yay.

They're dealing with the covid 19 pandemic and I'm sure the writers probably did lots of research to make sure that they had the most accurate representation of the situation in the hospitals and otherwise.

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First we're going to start with the love triangle that is Teddy, Tom and Owen.

Owen

Now this is in no way excusing what he's done in the past for the longest while I've loathed Owen Hunt but..... now I feel sorry for him. He saw he had a problem he went to therapy to get himself right, he was actually a good partner for once and communicated in his relationship, he took his time and didn't jump into marriage spontaneously and then Teddy cheated on him over but dial to be heard by everyone in the operating theater with Owen on their wedding day. (I don't want to sound bad but this might also be karma coming to but him in the ass.) I felt so much 2nd hand embarrassment for him and the pain he had in his face the whole time he pretended not to know about her cheating was just oof. I loved though the end where he drove away for the mean time I really do agree with him taking some time and space before he makes a decision. Most of the times he made a lot of sudden decisions that later came back to bite him.

Teddy

Oh Teddy, she used to be one of my favorite characters from a little after she came to the time she left but now they just carried her character so far down hill that it's hard to keep the same energy I had before, now. Everyone at Grey Sloan is on Owen's side and giving her the cold shoulder and she really wants everyone to mind their own business (I honestly agree though, you're in the middle of a pandemic mind your business and do your job now isn't the time to be shunning coworkers because they cheated.) However when she did explain her side I kinda understood it a bit better. It's still an awful thing to do but I know plenty of people who sabotage their own happiness because they aren't used to it. Hell I do it myself sometimes. But then I was also pissed when she just pretended she did nothing wrong at first. First thing first she acted kinda offended when Owen explained why he hadn't called to cancel the wedding to her. Was it kinda sus? The answer is yes but you literally cheated on him that same day, you needed the extra time sis. Not to mention the several time he hinted to her that he knew and gave her the chance to confess yet she lied through her teeth whenever he hinted at it and flat out lied again when he asked if she had anything to confess. I get the whole sabotage route but God was I happy when Owen got in his truck, drove off and left her.

Tom

I was honestly rooting for Tom in the beginning, despite him being a douche I knew deep down he had a heart somewhere, but I actually started to feel less sorry for him last season when he continued to sleep with Teddy despite knowing her situation which he pointed out to her several times and she still ignored it. I know he loves her but let's be honest, she's going to pick Owen as long as he decides to actually take her back and Tom will be left alone and heart broken with his $100000 worth of boxes in booties and a golf club to measure 6 ft distance between him and everyone else. Honestly I kinda saw a panic attack coming, if they're treating Teddy bad then they're probably treating him even more like crap based on the fact that no one besides Teddy, Catherine and maybe Amelia liked him to begin with. This may also be an unpopular opinion but I actually agree with Catherine for making him resign of chief of all chiefs his head hasn't and probably won't be in the game for a while. At least he still gets to be head of neuro. He bought a whole $100000 dollars in booties alone by mistake during an already tough pandemic between that and everything else going on around him I'm not surprised he broke. What did surprise me was that no one even went near him to help even after the attack was finished. Dislike him or not at least ask him how he's doing geeze.

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Jo and Jackson (Never thought I'd have to put the two of them together in a title.)

Truly the biggest shock of the night besides the trailer for next week which I will freak out about later.

Jo

So Jo has decided that in order for her to feel herself again she has to do the devils tango with someone and because they're in a pandemic and she trusts him she chose Jackson. The night of the appointment to do the deed Jo ends up crying in his mouth. The way she treated him afterwards at first was a little uncalled for in my opinion, I mean she was the one who asked for the favor. But later they talked and it was all cool again. Jo didn't really have that big of a plot this episode so not too much to talk about.

Jackson

Agreed way to quickly to doing the devils tango with Jo if you ask me. Seems a little sus. I really hope they aren't rushing him and Jo into anything give the girl some room to breath and also give Jackson a proper plot he seems to be a plot filler for everyone right now like they have no real purpose for him on the show at the moment. I'm beginning to really think that he was the one who was supposed to die last season. I really do love his and Richard's relationship. Jackson never really had a good father and Webber seems to be filling that spot quite nicely. Him pushing Webber to fight to get better and convince him that his career can be saved was heartwarming. And can we take a moment to talk about Harriet finally appearing from the world of Narnia to bless us with her presence? And boy was she a blessing. That baby that plays Harriet was awesome from her repeating Vic saying she can't be a step mom all to her facial expressions. I hope to see baby Harriet again very soon. But speaking of Vic, did she not know that Jackson was a father? How the hell did she expect to never run into her at some point? Then there's the whole question of what did she even expect of the relationship with Jackson if she never intended to even try to accept being around his daughter? also if she really want to be Robbie Rotten from Lazy town and avoid being around kids, maybe she should call or text first instead of showing up in just a fluffy jacket and nothing else.

___________________________________________

Deluca

Glad to see he finally got the help he needed and is back put tho work. I felt so upset last season when everyone just treated him like crap without trying to help him, but they made up for it a little by trying to help him with the intervention. He was also right about the sex trafficking case and I was so glad to see that he was able to be there as her doctor. Plus he's now also finally in dark blue scrubs it has felt like forever before he got those but I digress. He is now on his way once again to be a kick ass surgeon with the awesome skills hes already showcasing. I just hope he continues to look after himself. Deluca shine like the star you are babe.

___________________________________________

Maggie

Has finally found a man who understands her, he is so nice and kind and caring the whole episode I was mentally yelling go get it hun to the screen. She deserves someone who can take her seriously and understand her awkwardness as well as her tendencies finally she has stepped out of the role of cheerleader and support character and is branching out to something else and I'm here for it. And her yelling at Catherine, to share her piece of mind. I was so proud. Go get it sis.

___________________________________________

Richard

Richard Webber is back in the building, finally the king has returned to himself and already solving problems in day one. At the beginning when he publicly called Catherine a pain in the ass I was so stoked I finally thought that he was done being pushed around by her but then he took her back in the end it also kinda felt like she bought him in order to get him back with the hiring him as the new chief of chiefs but I wish them the best of luck, Webber deserves to be happy. I was also happy to see him and Bailey interacting like friends again. For a while it was awkward between them but now it's like the balance has been restored. Side note, him laughing at Teddy and Owen made me laugh so loudly especially when he asked Teddy if her name was still Altman despite the fact he clearly knew about the phonecall drama, not gonna lie I'd do the same.

___________________________________________

Catherine

Not much there, just her being angry at the pandemic and loss of money, lack of power to save lives as well as trying to win Webber back which she successfully did after firing Koracick and giving Richard his job and finally giving him a heartfelt apology without being petty.

___________________________________________

Bailey

It might just be me but so far despite the fact that it's only been 2 episodes. Bailey seems somewhat better this season. Her guilt over Deluca was definitely warranted but at least she tried to make up for it (and just like Harriet her OCD has decided to rejoin us for a visit from Narnia.) For the past few seasons she's been a slight pain but now she seems more like herself.

Her and Ben are adorable as usual, coming every 12 hours to clap for the doctors just to see her then the cute hand signals they made for each other, between Ben, Link and recently added to the group of awesome partners Winston, I'm beginning to wonder where I can find me one of these super thoughtful understanding handsome men. The two guys that knocked her over as well spraining her ankle really should have to pay or something or at least apologize, they literally just knocked a doctor off her feet and made her wheel chair bound, the chief ro be exact. Her and Webber are on talking terms and well again but she really needs to know how to express concern better. She once told Ben that when she's scared she yells but a lot of things would have gone a lot more smoothly if she'd just reminded him he was a high risk for covid and state her concern for him to begin with instead of barking out orders.

I'm also wondering if shes going to be able to handle the whole Covid situation so well for the whole time, with all the chaos and disorganization with the whole ordeal not to mention the whole fit she had with the germs in the episode. I think it'll be a good storyline now that Grey's seems to be bringing mental awareness back up.

___________________________________________

Link and Amelia

They have now officially reached my list along with Ben and Bailey and a few others that are no longer on the show that have reached the stage of killing the couple goals on this show.

Despite the fact that they're not only raising their own baby but also Bailey, Ellis and Zola yet their relationship is still solid. I'm so proud of my baby Amelia she has come a long way from the woman who didn't even want kids to begin with.

I loved the fact that he wasn't upset over her forgetting his birthday and acted like nothing was wrong, just so she wouldn't feel bad about forgetting. I would have been livid set a reminder on your phone babes. Either way she definitely made up for it later with the whole redoing his birthday thing. Also welcome to the world Scout. Looking forward to seeing them more often.

___________________________________________

Levi

How did it all turn so bad, Nico has turned into such a jerk at this point I'm not even sure I'd be to upset if he left if it wasn't for the fact that I ship the person he was before and Levi so much I'm still hoping that they'll go back to how they were before Nico became a lying hypocrite. At the end I was practically begging Levi to push him away, Nico doesn't deserve it not after the way he treated him and he hasn't even shown a hint of remorse to this day.

___________________________________________

Meredith

The biggest shock of the whole episode. I honestly knew something was going to happen to her from the time she fell asleep and started the dream on the beach. Dreaming of beaches have never been a good sign on Grey's I just thought she was going to collapse from stress because she really had been pushing herself all episode. The thing with Meredith is that she cares so much for her patients and does anything she can to save them, but based on the preview of the next episode and the tests they showed it doesn't seem to be test. And let's just talk about that huge bombshell they dropped by bringing back Derek I never thought I'd see Patrick Dempsey on the show again. By the end of the episode I was already literally shaking in anticipation for the next episode. I know they can't kill Meredith, without her there literally is no Grey's Anatomy. That being said I really hope they don't give her cancer, (I know Patrick is involved with helping a charity for cancer.) And I also really hope she isn't getting alzheimers I just hope it's nothing serious in general. She's been through enough man. I just want this to be a really touching moment where I get to see Merder have some touching moments and it doesn't end up to be Izzie and Denny all over again. I don't think anyone is ready to handle that. I read in a spoiler that there's supposed to be some more visitors arriving on the beach and I'm stoked for it so I really hope it's a real spoiler I'm tired of rewatching the newer seasons to experience some of the old joy.

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Imma need them to give that intern Perez an official recurring contract for the show because he is currently one of the best things to come on that show in years. He's a breath of fresh air.

[justthehiddleswrites]

Follow My Lead | Tom Hiddleston x OFC | Chapter 3 | Hello my sunshine boy

A/N: This will update every Thursday.  There are 13 chapters.  There are all sorts of kinds of D/s relationships.  This is the one I choose to write this time.  

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Vivian Swann)

Summary: Tom and Vivian have both been unlucky in love, searching for something outside of the bounds of a typical relationship.  When the two of them connect via a dating app, Tom is introduced to the idea of being submissive to Vivian.  Which is the one thing he never knew he needed.  Under the firm hand of Vivian, Tom learns what it means to submit and Vivian learns what it means to be in a loving dominant relationship.  But not everyone seems to understand what they have and the best intentions can destroy the strongest relationship.

This Chapter: Tom and Vivian slowly move forward and Tom discovers a thorn in his side named Benedict.

Warnings for story: Dominant/submissive relationship (sub!Tom), lots of smut including but not limited to: vaginal sex, oral sex (male and female receiving), edging, denial, teasing, use of restraints, spanking, multiple orgasm, anal play, use of toys.

Taglists are open!  Please let me know if you wish to be added! Thank you for reading.  

“You are positively glowing, Viv.” Her best friend Ashley commented as they sat down for lunch that Monday. “Don’t tell me you finally got laid. What has been seven, eight months?”

“Twenty-two, but who’s counting?” Vivian snapped back.

“You.” Ashley stabbed her fork at her. “So if it wasn’t sex, then what? Did you find a new esthetician? You have to give me the name. My pores are crying.”

“I found someone, but not an esthetician. A boy.” Vivian responded, coy, not wanting to reveal too much after just one date.

“A boy?” Ashley clapped her hands together in excitement.

Ashley’s perpetual joy could grate on Vivian’s nerves on worse days, but as her best friend throughout law school, she couldn’t imagine her life without Ash. Vivian shot her a glare.

“Yes.” She stabbed at her salad.

Ashley’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. “You mean a boy boy?”

“Possibly. We’ve only been on one date.” She held up a finger. “Before you ask, a normal ‘vanilla’ date. Dinner.”

“But…”

Viv smiled. “But there is a… a… quality about him. So full of life and stinking positive. It’s intoxicating.” She shivered, remembering that kiss.

“Anything else?” Ashley blinked at her, knowing there was more to tell.

“He is also drop dead gorgeous and an amazing kisser.”

“Details, or it didn’t happen. First off, tongue or no tongue?”

“Not telling.”

“Boo.” Ashley pouted. “Give me something. What celebrity does he look like?”

Vivian stopped chewing to stop herself from choking. What a loaded question.

“Tom Hiddleston.”

“Ooooh,” Ashley cooed. “He is so hot.”

“But enough about me,” Vivian changed the subject before Ashley pushed much further. “How are things with Eric?”

Ashley poked at her food. “Things are not. He ghosted me a week ago.”

Vivian’s phone buzzed. It was Tom. She said a silent prayer that she had labeled him in her phone as T and not his full name as Ashley leaned over to read the message.

Thinking about you. Already finished one book you recommended. Thank you for that. They have been most helpful.

She smiled at the message.

“Is that the boy?” Ashley craned her neck. “Let me see.”

Vivian flipped the phone around for her to read.

“Awww. He is just the cutest. When are you seeing him again?”

“He is calling tonight and I imagine we will make plans then.”

Ashley danced a bit in her chair. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

-

Tom ran double his usual miles that Monday morning. His body and brain were a jumble of nervous energy. He felt well… as giddy as a schoolboy. A feeling which had eluded him for quite some time. Once he returned and showered, he settled onto his couch with the second of the books Vivian suggested while listening to some music at a low volume. He ignored the buzz of messages on his phone until he finished the book.

Three missed messages and one phone call from Benedict. That man was like a dog with a bone for meddling and prying into Tom’s personal life. This had only gotten worse since Ben married and had kids. Now that he was coupled up, it seems Benedict was intent on getting Tom to the same status. Tom didn’t have the time, guts, or inclination to explain his desire for a relationship less ordinary. And reading those books only confirmed Tom’s suspicions about what he wanted.

He ignored Benedict and instead typed up a quick text to Vivian. She should be at lunch around now. While he waited for her to respond, Tom grabbed a script from the table and flipped it open. He wasn’t sure how he felt about starring in another period drama, but he promised his agent he would let them know yes or no by the end of the week.

There was a knock at his door. Tom opened the door. Benedict pushed his way into Tom’s home.

“You don’t write. You don’t call.” Benedict’s arms flailed about.

Tom frowned at his face. “Come on in, Ben. I’m not busy at all.” His voice oozed with sarcasm.

“If you answered your phone, I wouldn’t have to barge in like this. Hello.” Benedict continued to pace the floor.

“Hello.” Tom replied. He glanced into the living room and saw his stack of books in plain sight on the sofa. “Now what is so urgent it required you to come to my house in the middle of the day?”

“How did the date go?” Benedict flashed a gigantic smile at Tom.

Tom groaned and walked back into the living room. He shoved the books out of sight under a table. Benedict flopped down in their place.

“I’m not telling you.”

“Come on. I would tell you.” Benedict continued to smile as though he was a maniacal clown.

“Fortunately, I’m not you. Now if you please…” He gestured for the door. “… I have work to do.”

Tom shoved Benedict off the sofa and towards the door.

“Please something. A morsel. A tidbit.”

“Not even a scrap.”

“A name?” Benedict called out, a Hail Mary effort to extract something from his best friend. He can’t ever remember Tom being this tightlipped before.

“Vivian.”

“Last name?”

“None of your business. Goodbye Benedict.” Tom slammed the door in Ben’s face as he opened his mouth to say something.

Tom slumped onto the couch and stared down at the script he was reading. His phone buzzed.

Thinking about you too. Glad to hear about the reading. Talk to you soon.

Tom smiled and double checked to make sure his alarm was set for 10:55 that night. With a sigh, he grabbed the script and continued reading.

-

Vivian didn’t get home until almost 10:30 that night. The paralegal in charge of organizing the documents for her deposition tomorrow had up and quit, and she spent most of the day along with three first-year associates getting everything in order. Her body ached even after a quick shower, her brain was buzzing. It was also like that the day before depositions. She made a cup of tea and then settled into bed. Vivian tried reading, but her brain wouldn’t shut down. She didn’t keep a TV in the bedroom.

Her phone rang. Tom. Right on time.

“Hello?”

“Evening, darling.” His voice smooth and rich. Vivian’s shoulders relaxed. “How was your day?”

“Long. Yours?”

“Boring. Would you like to tell me about yours?”

“I don’t want to burden you.” Vivian pouted.

“I would be happy to listen.”

She perked up a bit and ranted about the kerfuffle that afternoon. Tom listened intently, interjecting words of encouragement along the way.

“It sounds like the whole thing is in your capable hands. I was wondering…” He paused. “Never mind.”

“No, what were you wondering about?”

“I was wondering if you would like to come over to my place and I could cook you dinner on Thursday.”

She smiled. “I would like that.” There was a pregnant pause over the line. She could sense his shyness and nerves through the phone. “Was there something else you wanted?”

Tom sighed into the phone. “Perhaps we could try a few things. Nothing sexual.” He quickly added. His stomach twisted into knots.

“I think that could happen. How about tomorrow I email you a list of some possibles and see what works for you?”

“Thank you. I would like that very much.” The pep in his voice returning. “I don’t want to keep you awake.”

“I wasn’t sleeping. I can’t get my mind to shut down.”

“Have you tried reading?”

“I can’t focus.”

Tom hesitated. “I could read to you.” His voice quiet.

“You would do that for me?”

“Yes. Would you like me to read to you?”

Vivian’s body warmed over. “I would like that very much.”

“Let’s see you’re reading Anna Karenina.” She could overhear shuffling as Tom moved to his bookshelf to find his copy. “What chapter?”

“Thirteen.”

Tom thumbed through the pages until he reached the spot.

He cleared his throat before he began. “After dinner, and till the beginning of the evening, Kitty was feeling a sensation akin to the sensation of a young man before a battle. Her heart throbbed violently, and her thoughts would not rest on anything. She felt…”

Tom got halfway through Chapter 14 before Vivian dozed off, her breath heavy and even over the phone. Tom ended the call and headed to his bedroom to sleep himself.

-

Vivian woke up early the next morning feeling refreshed. Her phone lay next to her on the bed. With a stretch, she rose and set about making breakfast and a cup of coffee. She hadn’t planned on falling asleep during Tom’s phone call, but his voice soothed and slowed down her brain. Which reminded her to open her laptop. She shot off a quick email to Tom giving him some ideas for Thursday.

This is a list of what may happen, not will happen.

Kneeling

Petting/stroking

Kissing

Shirt off (you)

Pants off (you, underwear stays on)

Referring to me as “ma’am”

symbol of ownership (cuffs/collar/leash)

Hair pulling/tugging

Pet name for you (boy, puppy, etc.)

She requested he let her know and to add anything for discussion, and they could talk about it more tonight. She requested he call again at 11. Vivian then clicked send and readied for the day.

-

The first thing Tom did when he woke that morning was check his email. He found Vivian’s and opened it.

His eyes widened as he read the list. He hadn’t thought about the idea of “ownership” yet. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that just yet. But the kneeling, petting, and titles all sounded exciting. He shot back a response, letting Vivian know his preferences and then headed out for a run.

-

Vivian responded to Tom’s email during the lunch hour, saying they could talk more about it that night. She spent the rest of the afternoon in ongoing meetings on a new corporate fraud case her firm just took on.

Tom read a few scripts that morning, one a drama based on an obscure book he never heard of and another a romantic comedy. After a quick lunch and more pressure from Benedict via text, Tom grabbed for the third book Vivian recommended to him. He glanced at the title Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth about Dominant and Submissive Relationships by Chris Lyon. As he delved in, Tom realized how woefully inadequate his own research had been.

The more he read, the more Tom wanted this. How he wanted to surrender and submit within a lovely romantic relationship. He had always been attracted to strong women. However, Tom found time and time again that his girlfriends looked to him to initiate. And not just sex. And with that, the relationship soured as resentment and disappointment permeated on both sides. He resigned himself to settling, convinced what he wanted didn’t exist. and then he discovered the dominant/submissive relationship community. Too scared to hunt out a pro-domme, Tom settled on the dating profile on a vanilla website.

His alarm rang at 10:55 and he grabbed his copy of Anna Karenina and settled onto the couch to call Vivian.

-

Vivian settled into bed ahead of Tom’s phone call. She planned on asking him to read to her again. He called at exactly 11 again and she wondered if he stared at his phone waiting for the minutes to count down.

“Hello my sunshine boy.” She greeted him.

Tom smiled. “Sunshine boy?” his tone not accusatory but questioning.

“Because you are as golden and bright as the sun.”

“I like that. I enjoy being your warmth and sunshine.”

“Good, because it’s your pet name now. Speaking of…. Thursday.”

“Right.” Tom squirmed. Thursday was a big day. “Tell me how it will work.”

“So we will establish the rules and protocols tonight, and they are in place until I leave. Anything on the list is fair game. I expect you to comply with my requests. If there is anything not on the list we wish to explore, consent and discussion will happen beforehand. If at any point, you feel uncomfortable and wish to disengage, you can use a safety word. What would you like your safety word to be?”

“Sushi.” Tom responded. “That all sounds fine. And I should call you…”

“Ma’am for now.” She smiled. “Now will you read for me again, please?” Her tone gentle but firm.

“Yes, ma’am.” he tried it out. It felt nice. “Where did I leave off?”

“Please.”

Tom grabbed his book and flipped it open to where he marked his spot with a bookmark. “That must be Vronsky, thought Levin, and, to be sure of it, glanced at Kitty. She had already had time to look at Vronsky, and looked round to Levin. And simply from the look in her eyes, that grew unconsciously brighter, Levin knew that she loved that man, knew it as surely as if she had told him so in words.”

Vivian dozed off soon after Tom began, and he ended the call before falling asleep on the couch himself.

-

Wednesday seemed to drag for both of them in anticipation for Thursday night. Tom busied himself with cleaning his house, which had grown cluttered now that he was back living there full time. In between the mopping of the floors and shoving a third load of laundry in the washer, Tom finished up the third and fourth books Vivian told him to read. He had two left. Tom also made a special trip to the store and gathered the ingredients for dinner. He was tempted to make Bolognese but thought Italian two dates in a row might be a bit much and instead settled on a lovely roast dinner with all the fixings. Tom even went so far as to call his mother for tips.

“Trying to impress a girl, I take it?” Diana Hiddleston mused as she explained how to make Yorkshire pudding.

“A woman, Mother.” he corrected her. “She’s not just some girl.”

“Clearly if you are contemplating baking for her. I hope she is worth all this trouble.”

“It’s no trouble.” Tom scribbled down notes in handwriting he was certain to be unable to decipher later. “Now for a pudding…”

Diana chuckled as she listed off a few simple recipes for Tom to try.

-

Vivian left work two hours early on Thursday in order to get and ready and head over to Tom’s in time. He texted her the address that morning. He continued to call her at 11 and read to her every night. It was a small comfort, and she looked forward to it every evening.

Her fingers ran along the clothes hanging in her wardrobe, contemplating how dressy to go. She lighted on a long floral cotton maxi dress with a high slit on the side. Vivian paired with a wedge and a light jacket and grabbed her phone and purse before catching an Uber over to Tom’s.

-

Tom couldn’t remember the last time his palms sweated before a date. But they were and causing him to bobble in the kitchen, nearly dumping all the roasted potatoes on the ground. He was just pulling out the Yorkshire puddings when his doorbell rang.

Tom sprung into action, running to the door, shedding the apron along the way and smoothing down the front of his button-down shirt. He opened the door to find Vivian standing there smiling.

“Evening,” he started, smiling. “ma’am.” he added quickly.

“That’s my sunshine boy.” she responded, stepping into his foyer. She grabbed him by the back of neck and kissed him. Tom’s hand landed on her shoulders. She pulled him forward twice by the neck as they kissed before releasing him.

“Allow me to take your jacket, ma’am.” Tom moved to behind Vivian and waited until she nodded before slipping it off her shoulders and hanging it on a nearby hook.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Care for a tour?” He extended his arm towards the living room.

“Lead the way.” She reached out and held onto the back of his neck before sliding it down to the small of his back. He shivered at her touch. “Okay?” She checked in with him.

“Fine. I just… I’m not used to people touching me there.” he replied, shy and self-conscious.

“If it makes you uncomfortable, use your word.” She used her other hand to smooth down his hair.

“Yes, ma’am. I like it.”

“Then I’ll keep doing it.”

Tom smiled as she smoothed down his hair and he continued with the tour. Vivian took in every inch of Tom’s home. It was clean and well furnished. She enjoyed the large bookcase covering an entire wall in his study, along with an impressive DVD collection. She spied a few family photos in the bedroom on the dresser in front of his king size bed. They returned to the kitchen right as the oven timer went off.

Tom stepped away and grabbed an oven mitt and pulled his tart from the oven. Vivian glanced over his shoulder to see a full roast dinner, Tom had gone all out for her.

“I’m impressed, good job.” She kissed his cheek.

He blushed at her praise. “I may have gone a bit overboard.”

“Nonsense. Now get me a glass of wine please.” She directed before sitting down at the table Tom had set.

“Red, white, or I have champagne, ma’am?” He stood by the fridge, waiting.

Vivian wrinkled her nose. “Champagne makes me sneeze. Red.”

Tom nodded and grabbed a bottle from the counter which he opened and poured them both a glass. He handed Vivian’s hers first before setting his on the table and returning to the kitchen. Vivian slid his glass over to her side of the table and sipped hers. Tom had great taste in wine.

He returned to the table and set her plate down for her and then himself before sitting. Tom glanced around for his glass of wine.

“No wine for you tonight.”

Tom opened his mouth and contemplated his next words as Vivian sipped her wine, staring at him. “Yes, ma’am.” He sounded disappointed but pulled his glass of water close.

Vivian reached out and stroked his arm. “Don’t worry, my sunshine boy, there will still be plenty of fun to be had.” He perked up a bit. “How is your reading going?”

Tom finished chewing before answering. “Great. I am on book number 4. Just two more to go and then my 500 word essay. May I write more than 500 words?”

“Yes, but no more than a 1000.”

Tom nodded and Vivian tucked into the roast. It was juicy and seasoned to perfection. “Whose recipe did you steal?”

“My mother’s.” Tom replied. “Excuse me for a moment.” He stood and left for the kitchen, returning with a gravy boat and the bottle of wine. He held up the gravy. “May I, ma’am?”

“Yes please.” She held up her plate to close the distance. Tom poured a healthy amount of gravy on the plate before serving himself. “And your work? Your scripts?”

Tom sat back down. “Tedious. If I am not playing a spy, they want me to play a stuffed shirt in a cravat and waistcoat.”

“I bet you are dashing in a cravat and waistcoat.” She smirked at him, aware Tom would be dashing in a potato sack and tissue boxes.

“There is one that caught my eye. I wondered if you like to take a look at it.”

“What kind of movie?”

“Romantic comedy.”

Vivian giggled. “Do they still make those?”

Tom narrowed his eyes for a moment. “Yes. Would you like to take a look? Ma’am?”

“Maybe later.” She sipped her wine. Tom held the bottle up. “No, thank you. I have work tomorrow.”

Tom nodded and set the bottle down. “How are the depositions going?”

“As well as can be expected, but this case isn’t won or lost through depositions.”

“How is it then?”

“By who blinks first.” She deadpanned. “And I am a world class champion in staring contests.”

Tom shook his head, taking his last bite of potato before standing to clear the plates. “Remind me never to cross you.”

Vivian leaned back in her chair. “I guarantee in six months you will beg me to punish you.”

She chuckled as the plates clattered in the sink before he turned on the water to let them soak during dessert. Vivian enjoyed pushing when the mood suited her. And Tom suited her just fine.

He returned with his Bakewell tart, two plates and forks. “I noticed you didn’t eat much of the chocolate dessert on Sunday.”

“It was fine, but not my favorite. Thank you for noticing.”

Tom cut up the tart and served up a small slice to Vivian and took a larger piece for himself.

“Don’t you worry about gaining weight?” she questioned.

“I run at least three miles a day, although since I met you that has doubled. And I have a fast metabolism. It is very hard for me to put on muscle mass. Ask my trainer.”

“I just might.” She took a bite and moaned. “Delicious.”

Tom licked his lips and took a bite, moaning. “That is delicious.” he mumbled, his mouth full.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” She pointed a finger at him.

“Yes, ma’am. Sorry.” He covered his mouth and swallowed.

“You don’t need to apologize, Tom.” Vivian reached out and rubbed his arm. “Fix it the next time.”

Tom leaned into her hand. “Yes, ma’am.”

Vivian ate most of her dessert while Tom polished his off.

“All done?”

She wiped her mouth and finished up her wine. “Yes, thank you. That was delicious. I need you to cook for me more often.”

Tom chuckled as he cleared the plates. “I’ll keep that in mind. If you like, you can take a seat in the living room while I clean up.”

“I’d rather stay in here with you.”

“Of course.” He hustled over to the sink and turned on the water. He rinsed the plates and utensils while Vivian sat at the table and watched. She took the sight of his backside in the jeans he selected for the evening. Very nice. She couldn’t wait to redden those cheeks when the time came.

She stood and joined him after Tom put away the leftovers and turned his attention to the pans. As he scrubbed, Vivian came up behind him and petted the back of his head and neck. He leaned against her hand and Vivian swore he purred.

“That feels nice, ma’am.” he hummed, but not stopping his washing.

“Finish up and come to the living room, sunshine boy.”

She tugged his hair once before releasing his hair and walking out of the kitchen. Vivian surveyed his DVDs while Tom finished up. She could hear the water turn off and the pans clanging together as he put them away. Vivian remained standing.

Tom walked into his own living room as though he were a stranger. His hands fidgeting in front of him.

“I won’t bite, Thomas.” she smirked. “At least I won’t bite tonight.”

Tom gulped and shifted his weight. “Yes, ma’am.”

She circled him like an animal on the prowl. Her fingers ran along the width of his shoulders. He shivered again. Vivian stopped and took a step back.

“Are you still doing okay?”

“I’m fine.” He glanced over his shoulder at her. “Please don’t stop.” His blue eyes begged her to touch him again.

She nodded and slid her hand down his back before bringing it up his neck and into his hair.

“Take off your shirt.”

Tom hesitated for a moment before unbuttoning his shirt. He pulled it off and tossed it onto a nearby chair.

“Fold it and place it on the table.”

Tom’s mouth dropped open, and he stood still. Vivian walked in front of him.

“I don’t enjoy repeating myself, sunshine.”

Tom scrambled into action. “Yes, ma’am.” He folded the shirt like they would in a retail store and then spun in place. There were three tables in the room.

“The small one with the lamp, please.” Tom sighed in relief and placed his shirt down.

“On the couch, on your back, hands behind your head.”

Vivian leaned down to unbuckle her wedges, slipping them off and placing them by the armchair. Tom positioned himself on the couch, taking up the entire length. Vivian licked her lips at the sight of Tom. The hint of chest hair. His Adonis belt and treasure trail. She made a mental list of things to do in the future to Tom.

She hitched her skirt up to straddle Tom’s torso. “No touching.”

Tom nodded eagerly. “Yes, ma’am.”

Vivian leaned down to his face, her hands slid up his bare chest to his neck. One hand pressed Tom’s shoulder into the cushions while the other cupped his cheeks. Her thumbs ran along his sharp cheekbones before reaching the temples. Vivian’s fingers laced into Tom’s hair and then she tugged him into her.

Tom’s lips sighed into her. Vivian took the opportunity to slip her tongue into his mouth. He wiggled underneath her but his hands stayed behind his head. She pulled back and Tom leaned forward, wanting more.

“Do you want more?” she teased. Her hand firmly in his hair.

“Yes, ma’am.” He panted.

“Beg.” She tugged his head towards her, stopping just short.

“Please!” He begged not only with his words but his eyes too. “Please kiss me, ma’am.”

She tugged his head around again and pressed her lips against his. He breathed into her and she slipped her tongue in again. Tom did the same. He wiggled underneath her again. Vivian stopped, and shifted her position, her knees on Tom’s chest, her toes teasing along his crotch. His pants tenting from the feel of things.

They continued kissing like that for some time and Tom stopped wiggling. She pulled away, Tom leaned forward, wanting more.

“More, please, ma’am.” he pleaded.

Vivian pushed off of him. Her hand skimmed along his cock. It twitched under her touch and Tom moaned.

“No, not tonight. Sit up, please.” Vivian stood. Tom sat up, his lips swollen. His eyes glassy.

Vivian sat down at one end of the couch and settled in. “Kneel.”

“Yes ma’am.” He slid down the couch to kneel on the carpet by Vivian’s leg. “Never imagined anyone would say that to me.” he commented.

“Get used to it, sunshine.” She smoothed down his rumpled hair. He leaned against her legs at her touch, pressing his side against him. Vivian smiled as Tom hummed while Vivian continued to stroke and pet his hair and neck. She scratched his scalp, and he gasped.

“You’re such a good boy, sunshine.” Vivian purred. “My good boy.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Vivian looked around the room and spied a small bookcase stuffed to the brim with books.

“Read to me, Thomas. Please”

He stood, not ready to miss out on Vivian touching him. He reached for Anna Karenina. Vivian touched his arm.

“No, something from your bookcase. Surprise me.”

Tom walked over to the bookcase and examined the shelves before selecting a small notebook.

“It’s a collection of poems.” he offered, he ran his finger along the spine.

“Perfect.” Vivian beckoned him back. “Kneel and read to me, please.”

Tom’s face lit up, and he resumed his position, head leaning against Vivian’s lap.

Tom cleared his throat and Vivian’s hand laced back through his hair and his shoulders relaxed. “Leda and the Swan by William Butler Yeats.”

“Interesting choice.”

“A sudden blow: the great wings beating still Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill, He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.”

After he finished the first poem, Vivian asked him to read another and then a third. His eyes closed as her hands continued to smooth and stroke his head. Tom’s body hummed. He felt… safe. Like he was home and everything would be alright.

Vivian feared he had fallen asleep. “Thomas?” she whispered.

“Yes, ma’am?” He turned his head.

“You okay?”

He nodded. “Better than okay.”

“Stand up, please.” Tom stood. “It’s time for me to go home. Walk me to the door.”

Tom’s head dropped but nodded. Vivian lingered by the front door. Her finger drawing intricate circles on his chest.

“That was…” Tom’s chest heaved as he put Vivian’s jacket on her. His body ached as though he ran fifty miles. Tom’s brain felt fuzzy and heavy. His heart full and content.

“Yeah,” Vivian finished his sentence. “For me too, sunshine boy.” She reached up and cupped his cheek with one hand, he leaned his head into her, wanting to kiss her palm but not daring to do so.

With her shoes back on her feet, she stood almost as tall as Thomas. She pecked his lips, soft and sweet and Tom returned the kiss in kind. Her stomach fluttered.

“I would like to do this again.” Tom commented as they parted.

“I was hoping you would. How would you feel about having a kissing date on Saturday night? I’m afraid I’m busy tomorrow.”

“What’s a kissing date?”

Vivian pecked his lips and rubbed his neck one more time before opening the door. Tom stumbled forward, craving her skin on his.

“I’ll text you the protocols tomorrow morning. Sleep well, sunshine.” One more kiss and then the door shut behind her.

Tom leaned against the wall, clutching his chest. He didn’t know if he would last until Saturday.

[benisasoftboi]

Unorganised thoughts on Trails of Cold Steel III:

...I’m gonna need like a week to process that

I guess I know why people hate George now!

Could really use a good old reset from KeA right now

This is the best game in the Cold Steel series so far. Easily

I... there’s no way they’re all really dead, right? This series has been completely toothless about killing anyone who isn’t a villain until now, no way they’re permanently killing someone who’s been here since practically day 1, no way. Show me a body

And even then I’ll doubt it with all these revivals happening all over the place 

‘He’s HIDING’ I sob as I apply clown make-up 

Ben Diskin did not need to go so hard on the voice acting at Millium’s death he did not need to do that to me

My god when Angie drove into the graveyard and my PS4 popped up a little notification telling me it was a blocked scene, the tension in me... and I never saw that coming, I’ll have to see if it was foreshadowed at all by replaying CS1 and 2 some time

I saw Lughman being a baddie a mile away (a mysterious professor turning out to be evil in a Trails game? UNPRECEDENTED!) but he’s Alisa’s dad!?

Neat writing trick actually, since they probably knew we’d guess the former, they blindside us with the latter

I can’t express how happy it made me that the Rufus battle was Machias Jusis Elliot. My dream team!

Estelle and Joshua got mentioned so much I figured they’d make a surprise appearance at the end and save the day

:(

So. Characters:

Rean: Rean is once again moderately more interesting than he was before, but still the least interesting person in the game. I guess he’s got some guilt that’s actually justified now, that’s cool? 

I ship him with Crow, not because the pairing really appeals to me that much, but because being shipped with Crow would totally piss Rean off and I find that extremely funny

His relationship with Altina is the best relationship he’s ever had with a female character and it is 100% because she’s the only girl he’s never ship teased with

(I don’t have an issue with the concept of ship tease itself, I have an issue with Rean-ship tease because 1. I still truly do not understand why so many girls like him so much and 2. None of it will ever canonically go anywhere)

(Seriously I’m so tempted to write a breakdown of why every other guy in Erebonia is more desirable than Rean)

Juna: I like Juna. I realised early on that she and Kurt remind me of Estelle and Joshua, without being carbon copies, and that’s good. I also think her relationship with Rean was really interesting - ‘I don’t know how to feel about you because you saved my life, but it also wouldn’t have needed saving if it weren’t for your country’s actions, which you’ve played a major role in - but now I’m being forced to confront that you’re a human being too’ is a really complicated situation for her. It’s a lot more interesting than ‘I don’t like you because you accidentally got a face full of chest’, Alisa

I also really liked using her, I ended up loading her with the Platinum Pecky Medal and defensive stuff, and she was a wall, she took an S-craft from Arianrhod in her stride! My buff girl!

She should’ve just been the new protagonist ngl

Kurt: Kurt had a lot to live up to, seeing as his brother is my favourite minor character. And oh does he succeed, Kurt is my favourite of New VII, he’s a good straight man, he’s great in battle, I like his arc, I like his friendship with Juna, I like Kurt

Altina: I was not sure about Altina just... being a student now. But damn if she didn’t have the best character arc in the game. I only did her final bonding event on a whim, but it’s the best one I saw. My girl Allie deserves the damn world

I really, truly believe those three have a bond as well, they’re very well written as a group. This was a problem I had with Old VII, the fact that so many of them just... didn’t have relationships with each other. How do, say, Fie and Machias feel about each other? I have no idea. But this group has a fantastic dynamic and it makes that ending so much more effective

It’s like I praised Crossbell for, really - having a small core group is much more manageable in terms of giving them all equal screen time and getting me to care about them

Musse: Uh, kind of one-note and annoying, honestly. I don’t hate her or anything, but like... she’s either Being Mysterious or Hitting On Her Teacher (I hate it I hate it so much). It’s just hard to care about someone who’s clearly so fake, I guess? I’m definitely interested in her, but like... I don’t really like her

Ash: Poor boy. I thought Ash was such an interesting character (and man do I love having someone around who does not like Rean, and never really changes his mind about it). Ash is very well done imo

Alisa: Alisa is good when the issue is her family drama, and is so goddamn boring when it comes to Rean. Nothing new there

Elliot: I love his little ponytail I love it he’s so cute I want to hug him so bad

Laura: Winner of the ‘best new outfit’ award (was never that fond of her war outfit, but this one is perfect). Still good, but not notably so. I feel so bad for Laura, she tries so hard to matter, but she’s by far the character you’d have the easiest time lifting out of the game

And while I love Elliot... same situation really. You could go back to the start and have one character named Elliaura who likes swords and music and has two big-shot dads, and you wouldn’t lose much

Machias: Took down Rufus, yeah, destroy your best friend (boyfriend)’s evil family! Winner of the ‘worst new outfit’ award, AGAIN. Also winner of ‘dorkiest S-craft’. I did his final bonding event first, and according to Playstation trophies it’s the least popular one! Stop sleeping on my boy Machias guys, I know he was annoying in the first game but I love him :(

Gaius: Special award to Gaius for finally being interesting! Boy’s a Gralsritter now, did not see that coming!

And of course it happened off screen. Because god forbid interesting stuff happen to Gaius when we’re actually around

Oh also goddamn, that is a beautiful man

Emma: Don’t really like the new outfit. It’s kind of remarkable that she’s so important but I keep forgetting she exists. Exposition witch who sometimes just doesn’t deliver the exposition I guess

Fie: Still my fav girl. Wish there had been more focus on her feelings about her dad coming back to life. Like that she’s a bracer

Jusis: Wasn’t sure how to feel about his newly close friendship with Millium because I was concerned that I was meant to ship it (by far my least favourite thing about this franchise is that that was not an unreasonable concern, as it wouldn’t even be the most inappropriate relationship in this game alone). Very, very glad it was confirmed sibling-y (not that it’s stopped them before). He didn’t really get to do anything else, sadly, but he’s good as always

I did the Purebread contest with him, and he made bread from coffee beans Machias gave him, the Ferdibert Fire Emblem energy- 

“What are you doing underneath this scarlet Pleroma Grass?”

Milliam: :(

Sara: Doesn’t get much to do because this cast is bloated but like, I still really like her :)

Towa: Someone needs to check on Towa all her friends are dead or evil the poor poor girl (or uh. I guess Crow isn’t... hmm.)

Angie :(

My kids Tita and Agate are back and completely overshadowed by people teasing this almost 30-year old man about being in love with a 17 year old that he’s only ever claimed to see as a sister, I swear to god

The orbal gear looks so goofy lol

Stop mentioning Schera as just being ‘totally here, just off screen, ha ha’ give her a model! Have her be here!

Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing Josette again, I just don’t get... why? Why is she here?

Tio is back! And so is Randy, as a major character! I’m very very happy, I love them both

Michael’s fine, I guess? He’s kind of bland but I guess that’s kind of the point and I like him just fine. He serves his purpose well

I’ve never really liked Claire all that much, but she’s fine in this one again I suppose. A bit disappointed by the Lechter reveals really, I had expected more, to be honest

Aurelia is a fun character and I enjoy her as the principal. Want to see her fight Cassius

Want to see Cassius 

I love my girl Annabelle, but she’s the only reason I didn’t get all the character profiles (how was I meant to know I could even go to the highway at that point hmmm Falcom!?)

They picked a good selection of returning Thors students. Even Dorothee isn’t as annoying as she used to be. Hilarious that she’s the only one who didn’t get a profile

Juna gave a great big speech about how awesome the SSS are and namedrops everyone EXCEPT WAZY! My FAVOURITE Crossbell character! So offensive!

Oh speaking of offensive I took Machias to the Mishy show and was told he and Rean did a Mishy dance but they didn’t show it, what the hell-

Playable Olivier! Olivier back story! I could write a goddamn essay on why Olivier is such a great character. Glaring at you Falcom

I miss Mueller :(

Ada Grant is wonderful and I want better things for her

Rufus is a damn great villain just because of how much sense his actions suddenly make when you know that one little detail of him not actually being Jusis’s brother

I hate Cedric but like, in a way where I’m having fun hating him. That little bitch

Literally what do you even actually want Osbourne

I still cannot stand Elise. Something I realised playing this game is that one of the things that stops the Estelle and Joshua relationship from being as weird as it could be is that they don’t look at all alike, it’s very clear they’re not related in the slightest. Elise and Rean look like they really could be siblings, and come to think, so do Lloyd and Cecile. Which is also teased, to a lesser extent. It would be so much less uncomfortable if they just swapped Elise and Alfin’s models ngl (though still not good)

inb4 the final plot twist of the whole series is that Estelle and Joshua actually were biological siblings all along

This game looks so much better than its predecessors. Having the models being a little rounder and softer looking makes it look much more like an updated version of the original style than the complete departure that was CS1 and 2. Every time there was a flashback, Rean would be like ‘back then...’ and I’d feel compelled to say out loud ‘when we were shiny, and looked bad!’

‘Evil ancient magic corrupts people into making them do bad things!’ is... honestly a bit of a cop out that I did not expect from this series 

I found Rean telling Patrick ‘leave room for Aidios when dancing with my sister’ extremely funny. Rean would totally be a Christian summer camp counsellor in the real world

I honestly would have enjoyed it a lot more if Alfin decided to cause a scandal and have her first dance with Elise, but we can’t have such luxuries I suppose

When you get that book on dystopias, very clever to put the author on the last page. Seeing the name Gideon gave me such a start

Racquel was easily my fav new location

Leeves > Trista no doubt, maybe I’m just biased because it looks a lot like the village I grew up in but it’s just such a nicer design

Also the branch campus > main campus purely for being smaller, making the filler segments between field trips more bearable 

I prefer the longer but fewer chapters set-up, I think

There’s so many sad faces in this write up :( 

Back when I played Sky SC, I said something about how one of the themes is ‘you are not defined by your trauma’. I now think it would be more accurate to say that the theme of all the games (but especially the Sky arc) is ‘don’t let your worst experiences define you’

Because there are characters who define themselves by their traumas and worst experiences - and those characters are all villains, or miserable, or both. Like, they don’t phrase it as such, but the requirement to be an Ouroboros enforcer is ‘have trauma and define yourself by it’

And both Joshua and Renne’s arcs are about learning not to do that

Equally, the idea that ‘it’s much easier to not to define yourself by your trauma when you have a good support system that wants the best for you’ is a big theme as well

I just think that’s a really interesting idea for a JRPG series to tackle, idk

I can’t believe I’m at the last game! This series has been my life for the past near-half a year, what do I do when I finish it?

...go back and play Sky FC, maybe?

[imgoodloveenjoy]

Well, my life is kinda like the doctors’ lives on the show: in shambles

Now let’s GOOOO!

  Marcel:

I really enjoy getting to know Marcel and his backstory and I still hate that the writers thought it would be a good idea to introduce him and immediately stuff him into a love triangle with Chexton. Hearing how he felt about the death of his infant daughter brings life into his character; we already knew there was some depth there (he’s a human, you would think so) but it’s good to see him as more than a cocky, sex crazed doctor. I think he would benefit from talking to Charles about the death of his child; he’s obviously hiding his emotions in sex to not access them and really deal with losing his child. His relationship with Natalie will really open him up as she is very emotionally open, and it will encourage him to do so as well. I wonder now if his closing up after his daughter’s death is what killed his marriage and, if he does open up with Natalie, will that cue jealousy with his ex-wife?…….

  Ethan:

Boy he is STRESSED! Not sleeping, stressed out, living off coffee all this is priming Ethan to have an ulcer – my uncle had one & it is not pretty – Ethan needs to pace himself. I would really love to see what the Board of Directors at Med want from Ethan. All we see is him reacting by enforcing their policies and rules but it would be good to see how they’re acting with Ethan: what are they demanding of him?, what deadlines does he have?, how is the Board interacting with him?. It would let people really understand what Ethan is trying to accomplish and that he’s not being a horrid asshole on a power trip. Which leads me to his patient: I think everyone forgets that Ethan is really a good doctor, he’s just not emotionally open or doesn’t get emotionally invested in his patients – he approaches things in a very logical manner which comes off as cold but Ethan really cares, he just doesn’t carry his heart on his sleeve like the other doctors, doesn’t make him a bad guy, just one that can be difficult to read. He tried every avenue to help his patient and after going through the tests inside the box, he tried outside. One thing I like about Ethan is that he does collaborate with other doctors like Charles and Abrams, he’s not afraid to get a consult from them to help the patient in question.

Speaking of Abrams, it’s good to see him! I would really prefer they upgrade his character to a main one cause I love see him! His wit his unmatched and I would still love to see him and Dr. Latham work together.

Now his interactions with April: glad he’s only working with her and not letting his emotions get the best of him. I feel like he’s still stung that April manipulated his love for her for the betterment of her brother so he’s not going to let himself get too close to her. It was nice to see April acknowledge the position that Ethan is in as Chief of the ED and the amount of pressure that he’s under although I wish she would’ve apologized for putting him in an uncomfortable spot and emotionally blackmailing him but I guess it’s better than nothing.

  Maggie:

Good to know the writers have remembered that Maggie has a whole life outside of Will’s and Natalie’s asses LOL. It’s very admirable that Maggie is willing to do anything to save Auggie’s live but I wonder if her dedication to keeping him alive may put him in a greater risk. Auggie already has a failing kidney & she pushed to get him one that could kill him in the future where it’s not certain he could get a new, better kidney. However, I’m glad that Auggie made it and that Maggie and Ben are going to adopt him; him calling Maggie “mom” tugged at my heartstrings and reminded me that he never had that stable motherly figure in his life. Now that Maggie’s a new mom, I hope her attention is less on holding up Nat and Will into holding up herself and her family. I would love to see her parent Auggie, going to his games and possibly have more children with Ben – also how is Ben doing with Maggie’s sister? Is he LGBTQ friendly? I would like to see how that’s going, too.

  Will:

Will is still pissed that Ethan got the promotion that he wasn’t even considered for that’s why, despite feeling that he would’ve gone to do his presentation if anyone had asked him to stay in the ED, he was totally unapologetic when confronted by Ethan. When another hospital diverts it’s patients, all doctors have to increase their cases to accommodate; I totally get that this presentation was planned but sometimes stuff happens, I think the least Will could’ve done was be apologetic about it but stressed to Ethan that it was a commitment he couldn’t reschedule, instead he was just like “fuck off” and left. I think that Will craves status and power that he was denied by being passed over for a promotion and he will go to do that trail thing with that woman because he is impulsive but rarely stays on his crusades. I mean, what ever happened to that clinic? He ran into one speed bump – which Charles warned him about – and quit. I think he’ll get into this trail and realize that it won’t give him what he wants and leave that too.

  Charles:

I love how understanding Charles was with learning about his daughter’s pregnancy and assuring her that his love for her is why he has a lawyer and is fighting to keep her in his life. Although this miscarriage was way too convenient, so convenient that I wondered if Anna took or did something to cause it for a moment, I like that Anna shared that moment with her father, showing that he can depend on him. I think it would be good for the show to bring Robyn back and have interactions between her, Anna and Charles, I think Anna would benefit from some big sister love especially from a successful sister like Robyn.

  Well, I guess we’ll see what unnecessary drama our doctors get into next episode. 

[army-of-mai-lovers]

hello arthur!! tbh people are being terrible in your inbox and the last ask killed my brain cells so this is your free bingo card to talk about anything you like. also sometimes googling sharks with human teeth (exactly what it sounds like) helps!! much love <3

oh my gosh I’m OBSESSED with these photos they’re so cute!!!! and thank you for the bingo card Effie I appreciate it so much. I’m gonna rant about Deadly Class (a show I definitely don’t like and thus don’t run a fan blog for....smh) bc it’s on my mind and it looks like it’s just going to go quietly into that good night instead of being made fun of and dissected and I think that should change bc goodness gracious that show does not deserve a dignified death. also I’m gonna put this rant under a readmore bc this is gonna be long and it has nothing to do w atla. warnings for discussions of racism, callous mentions of murder and death, swearing, discussion of Nazis, discussion of gore, abuse ment

Okay so for those not in the know (which is probably everyone considering the show was on Syfy and it’s being canceled due to low viewership) Deadly Class is a teen murder drama set in the late ‘80s starring Lana Condor, which makes it sound like it was engineered in a lab to appeal to me. Literally my friend and I were in the middle of watching Schitt’s Creek, which I adore, and she was like “well I heard about this show called Deadly Class” and described it and I was like fuck Schitt’s Creek we’re watching this. It had a 64% on Rotten Tomatoes, which usually makes me nervous, but I was literally like “I don’t care because I know I’m going to love it.” 

And well. I did not love it. 

I truly do not understand how one fucks up “teenagers (mostly) of color go to murder boarding school in the late ‘80s” that bad (I mean the Russo brothers are involved and they fuck up everything they touch so perhaps it was just that). I haven’t read the comic the show is based on but it does appear that a *lot* of the issues of the show stem from the comic, which is...disappointing. Basically, our MC, Marcus, starts off the show homeless after his group home burned down (and it’s heavily implied that he was the one to do it) and gets hunted down by these elite teenage murderers who invite them to their murder school. 

Already, numerous problems are starting to show themselves. First of all, Marcus is Latino, which, yes, it’s very cool that the MC is Latino, except he is literally the white-passingest man I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve seen my dad. I didn’t realize that he was Latino until they showed his extremely stupid backstory in a shitty animated sequence and whoever was voicing his dad did this really, really thick Nicaraguan accent and I was like wait a damn minute. So then, I looked it up, and the guy playing Marcus is named Benjamin Wadsworth, which immediately made me think that they had pulled a Noah Centineo and made me think this fully white actor was half Latino (and yes, Latinos can be white, but I think Marcus is supposed to be a nonwhite Latino, and I thought Benjamin Wadsworth was both white and non-Latino). But you know, as an light skinned ethnically ambiguous mixed kid myself, I thought I owed it to him to dig a little deeper, and turns out our pal Ben is mixed (also, he’s like six months older than me and married, which is a trip). And like, okay, I guess I’m glad they didn’t get a white non-Latino man to play a Latino character, but they literally got the whitest looking Latino they could think of to play him. He originally auditioned for Billy. Billy’s the token white. And the producers were like “wait you have Latino ancestry?” (how they found that out I don’t fucking know) and let him go for Marcus. And like. Okay. The character in the comics is light-skinned but he does not look white, and Benjamin is not a good enough actor for them to just pass on the actors who surely auditioned for that role and were more visibly Latino but like. Okay, I guess. 

Second of all, this show is mega racist and it starts to reveal itself when you look at how the murder kids are styled in literally their first appearance. What struck me the most was the fact that the Latina (whose name is fucking Maria, for heaven’s sake) was wearing a sexy red dress and Day of the Dead makeup, which, I’m sorry, huh? That just so happens to be the Mexican girl’s murder outfit? I’ve tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and speculate that maybe she wears it to like, subvert people’s expectations, but at this point idk how this is subverting anyone’s expectations nor why she’d be so invested in that. Also, she’s supposed to be a teenager. It’s fucked up to sexualize any of your child characters but it really hits different when it’s your Latina character (and yeah, I know the actress playing Maria isn’t a teenager, but still, it’s the principle of the thing). And then of course, the Black guy, Willie (no he’s not related to Billy they were just like yeah two guys with rhyming names in our main cast sounds legit) is a gangbanger dude who talks the way that white people think Black people talk. I keep waiting for this guy to have one line that’s not complete garbage, but I’m five episodes deep and so far nada, which sucks so bad because there’s like, kernels of an interesting character buried in this horrible racist trope. Also, they had him sleep with a N*zi. I hate it here. Lana Condor (her character’s name is Saya) gets off fairly okay, at least in this first shot (they don’t have her wearing a kimono to go murder people, thank fuck), but the way she behaves is super weird, like kinda flirty towards Marcus, kinda badass but not enough to actually do anything, etc. Billy’s white so they couldn’t make him a racist caricature or anything but I have no idea why he’s here. See, instead of talking about the real politics of the real world, Deadly Class makes up fake prejudice that honestly makes the lok bender/nonbender bullshit look sensible. Maria, Willie, and Saya are Legacies, which means that their families are established murderers (fun fact: the N*zi girl is also a Legacy, because her father murdered hundreds of civil rights activists. And the characters of color align themselves with her. I don’t understand.) Billy, and later Marcus when he decides to go to murder school, are Rats, meaning they have no affiliation with established murder groups. So, in this show, the people of color have privilege over the (mostly white) Rats. Make it make sense. Further, this means that Maria, Saya, and Willie should have absolutely no reason to hang out with Billy, and yet they do because the Russo brothers have heard that the kids these days like the found family trope, so they put five unlikely friends in a room together and insinuated that they could all be besties. I swear, this show is the La Croix of found family tho, in that there is absolutely no flavor whatsoever. None of the characters develop into a found family. Saya is bound to care for Marcus for reasons, Maria is using him, Willie is also using him, and Billy is only his friend because they’re both Rats. Saya and Maria are already friends (and honestly their friendship is the most compelling thing in the whole show). There are no other connections between the characters. But they’re totes a found family!!!!/s

Also, they don’t let Saya be mean. Every character says “oh Saya’s such a bitch” but do we ever see Saya being a bitch??? No! Saya is literally just a nice girl who is kinda quiet sometimes and murders people and has a tragic backstory. There’s an argument to be made for Maria being more bitchy than her tbh. And like, fine, if you want Saya to be nice, she can be nice, but stop telling me she’s mean then!!! If you’re gonna tell me that I’m gonna get to see mean Lana Condor in a leather jacket in this show then deliver bitch. 

There’s truly so much more I could talk about (Chico??? What the fuck is Chico’s arc???? What in the actual hell were they thinking when they were writing anything to do with Chico????? my DUDES WHAT IN THE SAM HELL. also making Billy straight was so fucking stupid he’s literally gay come on now, also Master Lin is so fucking useless what is he even doing here) but instead I’m going to outline the version of Deadly Class my friend and I have been talking about while we watch the inferior real Deadly Class. 

lots of things are the same actually because there are some elements of the show that have potential. Marcus is still homeless at the beginning, everybody still thinks he burned down the group home but he didn’t, Willie is still a pacifist, he and Marcus are still partners for their first murder school assignment, Saya’s mean (but like actually), Billy still has green hair and is the token white of the group (although a Billy of color.....thinking), and they all hate Reagan

in an ideal world Willie and Maria would have different names (Willie bc his name rhymes with Billy’s and that’s fucking stupid, also Willie is just a terrible name in general, Maria partially because it sounds way too similar to Marcus and I don’t understand why the guy who wrote this couldn’t make his characters have different sounding names, and partially because no Latina character of mine is going to be named fucking Maria), but for the purposes of this outline I’ll keep their names the same for clarity.

Marcus doesn’t initially have his rep. He’s on the streets when he sees a girl his age (Saya) come out of this elevator in the back of a restaurant brandishing a sword, and decides to go into the elevator, sees the stash of weapons, and decides to steal one so he can fend for himself better. 

also keeping the detail of Rory murdering a bunch of homeless kids, but now Marcus knows that Rory is actively hunting him down. 

in the process of robbing the school’s weapons collection, Marcus figures out that it’s a murder school

Master Lin catches Marcus robbing the school, they fight, Master Lin overpowers Marcus and ties him up. He says the weapons are for students only, and Marcus says he’s applying. Lin asks what his qualifications are, and Marcus says “you know that group home that burned down three months ago? all the kids that died? I started the fire.” 

(also no shade to Benjamin Wadsworth but in this version he is not playing Marcus. Marcus is not white-passing)

Master Lin initially doesn’t believe him, but Marcus presses on and eventually convinces Master Lin that this is really what happened, and so Lin welcomes him to murder school. 

Marcus’s first class is Poisons, and his lab partner is Billy, who takes a shine to him and shows him around school. There’s no Legacy/Rat nonsense, but you do have normal high school drama adapted slightly for murder school. Maria is the prettiest and most popular girl in school, Saya is the mean girl/valedictorian, Willie is the jock, and Billy’s the punky weirdo. 

Marcus is, of course, the new kid with a reputation to live up to. 

Things kind of fall apart when Willie and Marcus are paired up for an assignment: to seek revenge on somebody. 

also Willie’s backstory is extremely different. his dad was a Black Panther, and he was murdered by the FBI when Willie was a kid. distraught, his mom moved to Texas, where she started working a corporate job and rose really high in the ranks. To maintain her status in the company, she had to do some really horrible things, including working with the FBI to take down other civil rights activists. Willie found out about this and was absolutely horrified. his mother insisted she was doing this so that he could have a better life, but he refused to listen to her, and ran away, and ended up at murder school. 

Willie got into murder school because Lin knows who his mom is, and assumes that Willie is just as cutthroat as she is. he gains a reputation as well. 

also, Willie’s extremely wealthy, and this shows in the way he dresses (preppy jock vibes)

you don’t find out about this backstory for a minute tho bc unlike Albert Kim and the Russo Brothers, I can wait until the right opportunity presents itself for a backstory drop. 

ok anyway back to what I was saying earlier

they have to seek revenge on somebody. Marcus asks Willie if there’s anybody he wants revenge on, and Willie very sincerely says no. Marcus scoffs at him and says he’s clearly had a very easy life, to which Willie replies, “Well, who do you want revenge on?” 

Marcus immediately says, “Rory.” 

So they track Rory down, and since Marcus hasn’t actually killed anybody, he hands the weapons over to Willie. Willie frowns and says that he has nothing against this dude he’s never met before, so Marcus should be the one to hurt him. Marcus says that this is a group project and Willie’s got to pull his weight, and they get into an argument

the argument gets loud, and Rory hears them fighting and starts chasing them. 

in the midst of the chase, both of them divulge their secrets to one another. Willie laughs hysterically and says that they deserve each other bc they both lied to get where they are, and now they’re going to die because of it

Rory backs them into a corner, and Marcus uses one of the swords he tried to steal earlier to shank Rory

They throw the body in a dumpster, and after this, they’re friends, and Marcus decides he’ll fit right in at murder school. 

ok so that was only one episode but things to look forward to in the version of Deadly Class that only exists in me and my friend’s heads: Marcus dealing with the emotional and moral fallout of his first murder, Willie trying to figure out what it means to be a pacifist in a world so hellbent on doing violence towards him, Saya being mean to everyone except Maria, Maria convincing Saya to relax and have fun, the gang bonding in a Breakfast Club style situation adapted for murder school and making a joke about how this is like the Breakfast Club because it’s the 80s and the movie just came out, Saya and Maria falling in lesbians, Marcus and Saya being depressing edgelord besties, Billy being gay and fighting his abusive father, Marcus and Billy being uncool weirdo bffs, Willie and Maria rolling their eyes at Marcus and Saya’s cynicism, Billy coming out to Marcus and talking about his experiences being gay, which makes Marcus think “hang on, why do I relate to that?”, Willie seeing Marcus make a sarcastic comment about kissing a guy and having a crisis, Marcus and Willie falling in love, the gang taking a road trip to Vegas to murder Billy’s dad and giving Billy a gnc thrift store makeover on the way, and eventually the gang murdering the shit out of Ronald Reagan.