#like I have lgbt friends who I am scared to tell and for what?? like they'd understand.

[earthylight]

how am I supposed to do schoolwork when laws are being passed/proposed every day to make trans people’s lives a living hell and people are debating my right and my friends’ rights and my community’s right to live

[kurv4]

.

[cowboy-heart]

'interview with a butch' - a fake interview reflecting on butch-femme dynamics! inspired by the amazing piece by @llovely, which you can read here :)

(ID below read more)

[an original, interview-style poem called 'interview with a butch':

when did you know you were butch? I knew by the time I was sixteen, but that’s only when I found the word. I’ve been butch since the day I was born, at least since I was just a few months old and threw an earth-shattering tantrum whenever my mum tried to put me in a dress. (both laugh) your poor mum!

I remember being a little butch knight, chivalrous even before I was double digits. my best friend only lived up the road from school, but her parents were running late and she was scared to do it herself. so I walked her up the hill, her arm linked in mine, pride balancing on my chest. and when I got her to her door, I said that we should kiss like adults do when they say goodbye, and we took it in turns to kiss each other on each cheek. when I walked home I felt something the size of a boulder in my stomach, but I didn’t know what it meant yet, just that there was something about myself that set me apart.

how did you feel with your first femme? oh, man, even for a writer that’s hard to find the words for. (laugh) let’s put it this way: before I had my first femme, I always felt like something was missing in my relationships – not just in the relationship itself, but in me. I felt broken and wrong, unsatisfied and selfish. I thought that maybe I just had too high expectations or something. hell, even with sex I felt like something was missing, like I couldn’t find my own desire.

But then, then I had my first femme. How graphic can I be here? (laugh) as graphic as you want! okay, good!

watching my stomach hang over my harness, long nails in my hips, I felt like I had a second sexual awakening. I felt the most present in my body I’d ever been, and like I could be in them forever. I didn’t feel dissatisfied, or wrong. when their hand held mine and played with my fingers I felt lightning shoot through me. it was like realising I was a lesbian all over again. but even outside of romance, femmes are my friends, my family, my community. talking to femmes, being around femmes, I’ve never felt so seen and loved. I can handle every sharp look, every slur thrown my way, just because my armour was polished by femmes.

do you find your roles restrictive? they’re liberating. I think sometimes people see me and think that I had to fit into this constrictive box, that I disallowed myself to enjoy anything feminine. the reality is that for butches, we find the word we’ve been searching for our whole lives. I can’t even remember finding the word, isn’t that crazy? it felt second nature. it somehow perfectly described everything I’d ever felt, exposed me to a community of people who were just like me outside of my Tory town! (pause)

I think there’s a tendency even in leftist, LGBT spaces to think that masculinity is oppressive, and femininity is liberating and oppressed. but it’s really not like that. we’re punished for deviating from our assigned gender, whether you’re a masculine woman, or a feminine man, or something in between the two. I’ve had gay men try to convince me to let them do my makeup, I’ve had gay women tell me that they’re “so glad” I don’t have ‘toxic masculinity’ like “other butches”. femininity was a cage for me, something I had to imitate to survive the perils of high school, but it was never me. masculinity liberated me, and it’s not inherently toxic. I love to carry the bags, hold open the doors, cry in pride, protect those I love. and there’s nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a sweet femme, ready to rub my tired muscles. man, I’m not good at concise answers, am I? (both laugh) no, but I love it!

what do you think of people who see your relationship as heteronormative? they’re twats! (both laugh) now, that’s a concise answer! no, no that’s not fair. here’s what I’d say to them:

I see it as…a complex gender performance. no, that makes it sound like it’s play pretend. they’re complex gender…expressions, dynamics, play, desire, euphoria. a butch and a femme together is no more heterosexual than a bear and a twink, a top and a bottom. it’s a dance that we know in our bones, like we knew each other in a previous lifetime and we’re just falling back into our favoured rhythm. even every fumble and awkward gesture is a part of it. we fall into sync and into each other, we tenderise each other’s gender, affirm it, and love every minute of it. we’re not two sides of the same coin, you talk to any butch-femme couple and chances are our priori (edit: interviewee meant propositions) are the same but our conclusions are not; we’re the same side of the same coin, just one is the top of the tail and the other is the bottom of it. is that a euphemism? (laugh) take it as you will!

I’m no man, my femme is no woman, and I’m no less butch when I’m wearing a kiss-the-cook apron and cleaning their kitchen, and they’re no less femme when they’re putting together a shelf or driving me to work. To look at us and see a heteronormative imitation of cisgender predetermination is proof of their own lack of nuance – do you think all dogs are boys and all cats are girls, too? (both laugh)

I think in a lot of ways, butch-femme dynamics are inherently transsexual. or, in the very least, good friends of transgenderism. If you can’t see us for what we are then chances are you’ve got your own internalised gender biases to unlearn.

I’ve always been butch to my bones, but when I’m with my baby I’m on cloud nine. I feel desired, my gender revered and loved.

so, what you’re saying is, you feel seen? I do. we see each other and nurture each other. I’ve never really liked being called ‘beautiful’, but when it falls from the lips of a femme, I know that they’re not seeing me as feminine. I feel most comfortable to explore the depths of both my femininity and masculinity with them; I don’t feel restricted to a role.

maybe that’s what people are missing about it: our homes are temples of gender exploration and devotion.

end ID].

[cowboyjen68]

Hello, Jen! I hope you’re having a lovely day today. 💞

I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced this, but I feel like there’s a specific kind of loneliness that comes with being a lesbian. Having a sexuality that stems from the absence of men makes me feel very removed from other people, sometimes even other queer people. Have you ever felt that way? How do you handle that? As much as I love being a lesbian, sometimes I yearn to be attracted to men just so I feel a little less lonely.

I would say I have felt the isolation and loneliness you are talking about even in LGBT+ spaces.

In high school many of the girls around me were "boy crazy" and they were at once made to feel bad for that and praised. It was weird to me as I watched them talk about how great boys were only to also hear them in secret being grossed our OR worse, scared of the boys they publicly "chased".

Since I felt the no real need get the attention of boys but knew it was expected I thought it was a phase. That we were all like of faking it until the attraction was real. That set me up to very often second guess any feelings of sexuality towards women, thinking it was me misinterpreting the way everything was supposed to play out.

As I got older most of my friends in college were gay men or women who dated women but did NOT use lesbian and almost all of them them went on to marry men while the gay men continued on as gay men. This made me feel like perhaps I was the odd one out. I did have an RA who was out and open but I was skeptical I could ever be as brave or confident in my sexuality as she was. What happens if I too was in a phase and had to leave behind any woman I formed a relationship with only to grow up and marry a man?

I literally was waiting for the "phase" my mom and my peers and media was telling me I was in to finally end. Thankfully (because I LOVE being a lesbian) it was not a phase. The phase we being unsure and repressed about it.

The good news that I can impart from experience is that the more lesbians you meet the more you see that you are not alone and we can experience different things and still deeply connect on our sexuality. It gets less lonely as you get more life under your belt and truly love your sexuality as a lesbian for things that media can't explain but other lesbians can. The deep connection to women, the intimacy that is mutual and so warm it makes your entire body and mind content while in each other's arms.

I used to want to be straight just because it looked easier and safer. Now I would take on hell or high water to stay just as a I am.

[watarfallar]

Who's everyone's favourite team-up this season? Anyways, have more incorrect quotes in preparation for the chaos in session 3 tomorrow!

Cleo, singing: He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's on thin fucking ice Scott, also singing: Santa Claus is calling you out!

Lizzie: Yeah I'm LGBT. Lizzie: cuLt leader. Lizzie: God hates me personally. Lizzie: cowBoy hat. Lizzie: *sniffles* Trying my best.

Etho: Aren’t you going to say “have a nice day?” Bdubs: I don’t care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.

Ren: What's worse than a heartbreak? Joel: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging. Skizz: Waking up in the morning. BigB: Waking up.

Joel: That's not funny. Lizzie: I thought it was funny. Joel: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

Gem: Play to your strengths. Impulse: I haven’t got any!

Scott: You know, Pearl, when you generalize, you tell general... lies. Pearl: ... Pearl: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.

Mumbo: You're not my friend anymore. BigB: I was your friend?

Pearl: I haven't seen Gem and Tango for fifteen minutes now. *Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Gem and Tango running after it in a panic. Pearl doesn't look outside at all.* Pearl: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

Cleo: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? Ren: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know. Cleo: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Cleo: I want a bf. Scott: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

Mumbo: You either buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonalds. Skizz: We're going to McDonalds if I don't do my work? Mumbo: NO-

Jimmy: It is 6:09 . Jimmy: I am wondering why I’m still alive. Jimmy: Send Wendy’s. Scott: The whole restaurant?!

Grian: What is this!? Etho: That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend. Grian: Ow! Make it stop! Etho: Surrender to your kindness, Grian. It’s nice to be nice. Grian: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!

Cleo, to Joel: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.

Scar: If I didn't know better, Grian, I'd say you were scared. Grian: Heh, scared? *absolute silence* Grian: DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

Grian: What are you up to today? Mumbo: Nothing. Grian: But you did that yesterday! Mumbo:I wasn’t finished.

Scott: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like- Scott, to Pearl: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual. Ren, to Impulse: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire. Scar: There are two types of people.

BigB: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED! BigB: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY! Cleo: BigB just threw a tantrum about a chair. Cleo: I just won BigB Tantrum Bingo.

Jimmy, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Ren: Yeah, sure. *A few minutes later* Ren: Here you go. Jimmy: Ren: Joel: Why am I here?

Jimmy: What are the hardest things to say? Grian: I was wrong. Martyn: I need help. Skizz: Worcestershire sauce.

Scar: Last night I found out Bdubs is a sleep talker. Cleo: Oh, really? Scar: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

[bengiyo]

She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat 2 Eps 17-20 (Finale)

Last week gave me everything I wanted and more. The whole squad went over to Yako's place for a curry party and everyone had a great time. Later, Nagumo got a diagnosis for her condition and got to have personal time with Yako. Kasuga and Nomoto continued to work on their communication and making sure they aren't trampling over each other. They're continuing to work on this move. Seriously, we had a curry party and a s'mores party last week. We planted strawberries together. Let's finish this.

Episode 17

Looking for housing is so stressful. I was wondering if we'd get into housing discrimination in this.

Red beans in Japan are different from what we eat here. Theirs carry a naturally sweet profile that doesn't mesh well with creole cooking.

I feel like those beans needed to boil longer, but that's me thinking in my home cooking terms.

Yes, ladies, tell each other how happy you are to see each other.

@furritsubs thank you for the note about Azuki beans.

I'm really enjoying the way they're handling this situation. The realtor wasn't trying to be homophobic, but the systems he was upholding with the landlord references reinforces the status of same sex households. I also like that they acknowledged how circumstances closet people in ways that hurt them. This is good payoff from the news bit we saw earlier in season with Kasuga.

Getting a tasty treat in before going back into the fray is so valid.

Kasuga being even more affectionate about Nomoto's food now that they're dating is exactly what I wanted.

Episode 18

Oh fuck yeah, let's continue to unpack how structural homophobia makes people scared to share something that should be a joyous occasion.

Amused that Yako is the primary person using Nomoto's given name.

Are we going to have a takoyaki party next??

COME THROUGH, YAKO!!! You gotta help your folks get through this bullshit, but never let them forget that it's bullshit!!

I am relieved that we checked in with Ms. Fujita about divorcing her husband at the same time as we're working through LGBT housing issues. Single divorced women likely also face huge challenges in housing when marriage is the goal we're being pushed into.

Wow, Sayama, you are in contention for the Yihwa Best Girl Award this year. You are an ally. Love the way she examined how what she said might have been hurtful.

Feeling like you somehow failed because you didn't get married in your 20s is so real. I sometimes struggle with this in my 30s.

This show uses its characters to illustrate its political points in a way that feels gentle and accessible, but also carries a sense of urgency. Women are facing extreme reproductive pressure right now, and it's clearly not making those who don't already want husbands and children happier. Hell, it's making them resentful to the point of divorce as they get older.

Hold on. Gotta cry a bit about Nomoto telling Kasuga that being told outright that hiding who they are upset her made her feel better got me.

Episode 19

Takoyaki Party let's goooooo!!!

A party where you cook together like this is always so much fun. We had fun with some friends' kids a few weeks ago teaching them how to make pancakes and letting them add their own toppings before, during, and after cooking.

Nagumo managed to enjoy a bite of food with them. Hold on. Crying again.

We've seen takoyaki a few times lately, and I am very impressed with this cooker.

Yako, tactful as always, is gonna check on Nagumo. I love her.

This is so important. Couple formation does affect the friends around them, and I'm really glad Yako let Nagumo voice that she supports her friends even as she knows she's going to miss the dynamic they've had. Yako is so right to point out that a change doesn't mean it's over, and their friendship will last if we all continue to reach out.

This realtor scene is so good. I like how politely she asked for them to disclose their relationship with the express purpose of securing ideal housing, and we're getting into how the financing of housing can affect people's privacy. She's also owning that landlords can discriminate against couples. I also appreciate that their meeting room was private.

I'm ready for the moving in party!

Episode 20

They got the house!!

A crab cream croquette party!!!

Wait, where's Nagumo? I wanted her to try a croquette too!

We are on the bed together. This is not a drill.

Yes, let's acknowledge that they have liked each other since season 1.

The intimacy question is on the floor!

They are finally hugging!

NOW KISS!!!

That was very sweet, and felt right for them. I'm glad they had that moment in the old place before they moved.

Cried because of Ms. Fujita and Nagumo possibly getting hired.

So glad Yako and Nagumo are still hanging out! That's really how some friends groups will be. Two people will just gel at a party and grow close.

Oh hell yeah we're at casual intimacy now.

I'm so excited to see where the TV goes next season!!

Oh my goodness Kasuga is wearing a lighter sweater!!!!!!

Final Verdict: 10, Go Watch This Immediately and Then Show it to a Friend. Seriously, do not make excuses for yourself. You owe it to yourself to watch this show. Between this, Ossan's Love Returns, and What Did You Eat Yesterday? coming back, we cannot stop supporting our shows about older people getting together and forming their own forms of family. This show built on the foundation of its first season and made every little detail feel so potent and impactful. I did not expect the pen pal to grow into a trusted confidant and core member of this friend group, nor was I expecting the women at the supermarket to help Kasuga as much as they did. This season was excellent, and will be joining WDYEY on my comfort watch rotation.

Big thanks to @furritsubs and friends for making this watch possible.

[babygirl-diaz]

I Waited Ages

Hmmm... I don't know if I should make this a long fic and do more of Alex and Eddie and a slow burn of BuddieTommy... Lemme know your thoughts!

Summary: Eddie goes to a gay bar and meets someone

***

Eddie didn't know what he was doing here on his own. He always considered himself an ally but none of his LGBT friends ever asked him to accompany them to a gay bar. But he was recently exploring more of himself, discovering new things, and that's how he ended up here.

"Hey handsome, what can I get you?" The bartender, a big burly guy with a 10000-watt smile asked him. "Digging your pornstache, by the way."

Eddie blushed at the compliment and ran his pointer finger and thumb across his mustache to groom it. "Thanks," he said. "And can I get a whiskey? Neat."

"Coming right up," the bartender replied and walked away to presumably get his drink.

Eddie looked around nervously. Part of him was regretting coming here because he felt like all eyes were on him.

"Relax, no one is looking at you..."

Eddie turned around in his stool and almost punched the guy who had said that in his ear. But the guy had good reflexes and ducked, dodging his blow. "Shit!" Eddie hissed. "I am so sorry! You just scared me!"

The man chuckled and shook his head. "It's all good. I shouldn't have whispered in your ear like a creep."

There were definitely people looking at him now and probably thinking he was some kind of gay basher. Great.

"Oh god, just go back to your flirting, gentlemen! There is nothing to see here!" The man said loudly before taking a seat next to Eddie.

"You have good reflexes," Eddie commented.

"Thanks, learned it in the Army," the man replied with an exasperated tone. Eddie could tell he wasn't proud of that, but he didn't push.

"Alex, you good?" The bartender returned and gave Eddie a glare. "Listen, man, if you're gonna do that then I'll have to kick you out."

"Chill, Billy. I'm good," Alex replied. "It was just a misunderstanding. Can I get my usual?"

"Your disgusting Sapphire Martini?" Billy scrunched up his nose. "Coming right up."

"Why do you have to make it so good if you don't want me drinking it?" Alex laughed and shook his head. "Well, I'm Alex. As you can probably tell," he said coming back to Eddie.

"I'm Edmundo... Eddie," Eddie introduced himself and gave the man a smile.

"I kinda like Edmundo..." Alex replied and gave him a smile. He picked up Eddie's drink, took a sip without asking, and coughed. "Jesus Christ! Are you trying to kill me?"

"I didn't ask you to drink it," Eddie reminded him.

"Fair," Alex said with a roll of his eyes.

Eddie chuckled and took in his neighbor. Alex was tall but about an inch or two shorter than Eddie, he was on the skinnier side but had a broad chest and thick biceps, and warm beige skin with the brightest blue eyes. Okay, maybe not as bright as Buck's, but they were beautiful. Wait... Holy shit... Did he just admit that a guy, who wasn't Buck or Tommy, had beautiful eyes? That was new.

"You're staring," Alex told him in that rich voice of his as he took a sip of the blue martini that Eddie hadn't even noticed the bartender bringing to him.

Eddie blushed and looked down.

"Not that I mind," Alex added. "Kinda like being the center of someone's attention."

Eddie cleared his throat and changed the subject. "So what are you drinking?"

"You wanna try?" Alex offered the glass to him.

Eddie took it and took a sip, doing a double take. "That is... Surprisingly good."

"Right?" Alex asked. "Everyone always just brushes it off because of its color. Do you want one? Much better than that... poison you're drinking."

"It's just whiskey!" Eddie said defensively.

"Potato, potaato." Alex laughed once again and Eddie found himself drawn to that laugh. "Hey, Billy! Can you get my friend over here a Blue Sapphire? Put it on my tab!"

"You don't have a tab!" Billy replied. "And god, are you trying to scare away my patrons with that shitty drink?"

"Edmundo likes it!" Alex replied.

Eddie found that he didn't mind Alex calling him Edmundo.

Billy brought over the drink and gave it to Eddie, “It’s your funeral, my friend.” 

Eddie smiled and shook his head. "It's not that bad."

"Just because Alex is objectively hot doesn't mean you have to agree with him," Billy told Eddie, leaning in close to him. He patted his hand before walking away.

"He's just jealous," Alex replied and childishly blew Billy a kiss when the man flipped him off.

"So... Edmundo... what brings you here?" Alex asked.

"You've been itching to ask that, haven't you?" Eddie asked him.

"No, I've been itching to ask about that pornstache actually," Alex replied and winked at him. "The 70s called, they want their stache back, but I say don't give it to them because it really suits you."

Eddie laughed and shook his head. He hadn't laughed this much since Christopher left for Texas. "Thank you," he said appreciatively. "My friends just tease me about it, but I'm glad someone appreciates it."

"Well, they don't know how to appreciate beauty then." Alex was clearly flirting and Eddie found that he didn't really mind it.

After a couple more of Sapphire Martini, Eddie had let loose and was leaning closer to Alex as Alex talked about random things. There was something about him that reminded Eddie of Buck.

"So what do you do?" Alex finally asked. "I think now is a good point to ask that."

"I'm a firefighter," Eddie replied.

"Could you be any more stereotypical?" Alex teased as he finished off his third or maybe his fourth martini.

"Why? What do you do? Actually, lemme guess... You're a model slash actor."

"Close enough... I'm a Human Rights Lawyer, so I'm starving either way," Alex joked, smirking at him.

"I like your sense of humor. Reminds me of someone..."

"Oh no... You're not one of those, are you?" Alex asked scrunching his nose.

"One of who?" Eddie asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Those guys who realize they are gay after falling in love with their straight best friend?"

"My best friend is anything but straight," Eddie huffed.

"But he's in a relationship?" Alex asked.

"Are you a mind reader?" Eddie asked surprised. "But yeah, he is."

"So how long have you known that you've been in love with him?"

"I'm not," Eddie replied, but when Alex raised an eyebrow, he added, "Like a month ago, maybe. My son left to go live with his grandparents and I've been lonely so Buck and his boyfriend have been coming over every day to keep me company."

"Both of them? That's nice," Alex commented. "That must be hard for you, though."

"That's the thing... It's not. I am genuinely happy for them. If anything I am just jealous of their relationship. I look at it and I'm thinking I want that!" Eddie tried to explain.

"Hmmmm...." Alex hummed like he was thinking something. "Do you wish it was you with Buck instead of this other guy?"

"Not really. Tommy is a great guy. He makes Buck really happy and I could never imagine breaking them up... I just-" Eddie sighed defeated. "It's hard to explain."

"Okay... Edmundo... Lemme ask you this... Do you wish you were a part of that relationship?" Alex asked.

"What?" Eddie let out a surprised sound. "No! How would that be even possible?"

"Polyamory relationships are a thing you know," Alex pointed out.

"Like Sister Wives?" Eddie asked confused and tilted his head to the side.

Alex looked like he was holding back a laugh. "Yes, Edmundo, exactly like that. You and Tommy can be sister wives."

Eddie frowned. "I feel like you are making fun of me."

"I would never!" Alex let out a fake gasp. "No, but I think you should tell them how you feel."

"Are you crazy? They're gonna think I've lost my mind! They already think I'm being weird. That's why I came here today. To take my mind off them," Eddie explained.

"And you found me! Trust me, I am great at making people forget about the love or loves of their life," Alex said, winking at him. "You wanna come back to mine?"

"No, he wouldn't," a familiar stern voice said from behind them.

Eddie turned around and saw Buck and Tommy standing there with identical frowns on their faces.

"How did you find me?" Eddie asked confused. "Are you two tracking me or something?"

"No, we just came by to have a drink... and found you," Buck said confused. "What are you doing here, Eddie?"

"Having a drink?" Eddie lamely supplied.

"Out of all the bars in L.A. A gay bar is the one you decided to come to?" Tommy asked.

Eddie shrugged. "It's close to my place and I heard good things about it."

Buck sighed and rubbed his forehead like he had a headache coming on. "You-"

"Come on, let's go, we can talk about this back at your place," Tommy quickly chimed in.

"NO!" Eddie said adamantly. "I wanna go back to Alex's place."

"You what?!" Buck exclaimed. "How drunk are you?"

"I am perfectly sober, thank you very much," Eddie huffed.

"Well, you're obviously not if you wanna go home with some random guy!" Buck replied.

"Evan, calm down," Tommy said grabbing his boyfriend's arm.

"I don't get why you're so mad?" Eddie asked. "I was so supportive of you when you came out!"

Alex leaned in close to Eddie and whispered, "He's jealous," in his ear. He then took Eddie's earlobe between his teeth and started kissing behind his ear.

"Hey! Get away from him!" Buck yelled and tried to lunge at Alex, only to have Tommy pull him back.

"Whoa... Easy there, tiger," Tommy said. "Eddie, do you really wanna go home with Alex?"

"He said he does, didn't he?" Alex chimed in.

Tommy glared at him in return. "I wasn't asking you."

"Okay, you know what? I don't have to stand here and listen to this guy." Buck made his way over to Eddie with a dark look in his usually bright eyes that kind of turned Eddie on.

Before Eddie knew it, Buck scooped him up and threw him over his shoulder. Eddie yelped and kicked his feet. "Hey! Let me down!"

"No, you're coming home," Buck replied.

Tommy looked at them amused and he looked like he was proud of Buck.

When Buck started walking, Eddie looked at Alex over his shoulder and found the other man smirking.

"You're welcome!" Alex called out.

"I'll see you around!" Eddie replied. "Find me on Instagram... It's EddieDiazLAFD"

[allbutthreads]

Chappell Roan lyrics memes and prompts

Because I want to, below you'll find #50 memes and #4 prompts besed of off Chappell Roan songs. feel free to reblog and use them if you like, changes to pronouns and similar are up to sender.

Memes:

"Maybe it's the way the honey drips off of your lips, maybe it's the taste of your caramel apple kiss"

"All that sugar loving, it belongs to me"

"You know how you get me"

"you can disregard my virgin ears and say what you like"

"You wanna win me over now?"

"Goddamn, let's never get old"

"I bet you wonder what I am doing when I'm alone in my room"

"it comes easy when I'm thinking about you"

"I love being bad for you"

"I'll be your goddess"

"Bet I know exactly what you're doing when you're alone in your room"

"tell me if you're having trouble and I'm sure I could help you"

"Cut me slack while I figure it out"

"I know I've been acting strange"

"Twist me, licorice, Speak with your fingertips"

"Can you meet me by the swimming pool, after hours, when the air is cool?"

"I've got things I don't know how to say"

"I just want you to make a move"

"oh god, tell me tht I'm not insane."

"if you could have anything, what would you want?"

"And if you change your mind, I will understand"

"Whatever you decide, I will understand"

"If you really wanna leave I'll never make you stay"

"But ever since that day everything has changed, the way I write your name, the cursive letter A"

"I guess we could pretend we didn't cross a line"

"I really want your hands on my body"

"I kinda wanna kiss your girlfriend if you don't mind"

"I've been a good, good girl for a long time"

"I know what you tell your friends, its casual, if its casual now then baby get me off again."

"I tried to be the chill girl, that holds her tongue and give you space. I tried to be the chill girl but honestly I'm not."

"Baby, why don't you come over?"

"Guess i didnt quite think it through, fell in love with the thought of you."

"I heard you like magic, i got a wand and a rabbit."

"So baby let's get freaky, get kinky, let's make this bed get squeaky."

"Who can blame a girl?! Call me hot, not pretty!"

"You don't have to stare, come here get with it!"

"No one's touched me there in a DAMN HOT MINUTE!"

"So tell me now, all your perversions... Am i doing research, in a mini skirt, at the library in your hometown?"

"Do you picture me, like i picture you?"

"Do you feel the same? I'm too scared to say, half of the thing I do, when I picture you."

"Its fine, its cool. You can say that we are nothing but you know the truth!"

"I don't wanna call it off, but you don't want to call it love. You only wanna be the one that I call baby."

"You can kiss a hundred boys in bars, shoot another shot trying to stop the feeling."

"You can say its just the way you are, make a new excuse, another stupid reason."

"I'm cliche, who cares?!"

"Touch me, baby, put your lips on mine"

"Boys suck and girls I've never tried, and we both know we're getting drunk tonight"

"No need to be hateful in your fake Gucci sweater"

"I thought you thought of me better"

"I've heard so many rumors, that I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch"

Prompts:

'Muse A is waiting museu B in the hallway, in a mini skirt and gogo boots.'

'Muse A asks Muse B to a dinner with her parents at theie house, but after a little teasing, muse B fuck muse A in the bathroom while her parents are still at the table. '

'Muse A and Muse B are friends and classmates, muse A never been with another girl before, but she have curiosity and certain feelings towards her friend. They have sleepovers and go out a lot. One night, they get a little drunk and finally make out'

'Muse A is a proud LGBT (choose if bi, pan, lesbian, etc), meanwhile muse B is still in the closet, they make out but muse B is still trying to "be normal", so they keep going to bars and kissing boys trying to forget Muse A.'

[problematicraccoon]

details about my better teenhood dr bc im losing my mind over it

(TW: MENTIONS OF SA AND STALKING and also i get real emo, my apologies)

okay so first of all, im not really reliving my teen years in their entirety- im shifting back to being 17, only a few days after my birthday.

mainly because some crazy shit happened on my 17th birthday in my cr, and it ended with me being betrayed by two of my 'best' friends during a big fight, who sided with my assailant/stalker instead of me. the day i spawn in is the day that happened. and i know that sounds stupid, like why tf would anyone wanna relive a day like that. but im gonna slightly tweak it.

in this reality, i was raised by my badass aunt Isla (fc Daphne Zuniga). she's like a big sister/aunt/best friend/mom all rolled into one, and we're extremely close, and she's very protective of me.

in my cr, no one defended me. i've taken to referring to myself as the 'attack dog friend', because i have always been the one to fight for my friends, to send paragraphs to people that hurt them or get in somebody's face for groping them, ect. but no one ever did the same for me. same goes for when my two best friends blamed me for what happened, and my other friends didnt even mention the situation. everyone kinda stopped talking to me after that.

but in my dr, i have a group of super close friends that defend me from the two that betray me. they send paragraphs to them, block them, and support me. my aunt ends up on the phone with their mom and absolutely loses it on her lmfao T0T

my reasoning for shifting back to quite possibly the worst day of my life is because i wanna fix it. i want to know what it feels like to be loved and supported instead of abandoned. this is my way of healing i suppose.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE here's some cute shit im excited for <3

-me and my best friends are gonna go to this big ball in a couple months, one that i went to with them in my cr, i just really wanna experience it again, it was so fun.

-the ball is where me and my dr crush end up confessing to each other JFAOIWEJRKANEIAJW

-MY CATS AND DUCKS AND COW :D we have three girl black cats, Arson, Murder and Mayhem. we have four ducks, Table Lamp, Carbohydrate (Carby), Heeby Jeeby, and Choi Soobin. and we have a brown cow named Annaliese that my little sister named :)

-my little siblings <3 Phoebe and Eric. they're fraternal twins, 9 years old, and born on May the 4th (the girls who get it, get it)

-Phoebe is like those creepy ass kids on horror movies. she's quiet, usually, and she always looks like she's plotting world domination. she's insanely smart and very sarcastic. she's obsessed with bugs. im a teeny bit scared of her lmfao. her face claim is Mara Wilson

-Eric is the sweetest little guy to have ever existed. he loves to sing and draw, and is very giggly and silly. he annoys the shit out of Phoebe T0T (she still loves him tho) he's very sensitive and very empathetic. he always cries when he sees a stray dog or cat and is always trying to convince us to take in strays. his face claim is Eric Lloyd.

-my aunt/mom Isla is very weird and very eccentric and very funny. she's very spiritual, like i am, and taught me how to astral project, manifest, reality shift, do tarot card readings, cartomancy, spells, stuff like that. she knows i'm a shifter, so i can tell her about my other drs and she tells me about hers. we always script each other into our drs <3 she's a giant feminist and she took me to my first protest when i was like 10. she's soft and kind but she'd 100% kill a man for me and my siblings. she's rollin with the lgbt like me, so i can be queer openly <3

-SLEEPOVERS AND 3AM SNACK RUNS WITH THE DUDES. TRAMPOLINE PARK WITH THE DUDES. ROLLERSKATING WITH THE DUDES. HIKES WITH THE DUDES. ROADTRIPS WITH THE DUDES. im gonna have a freak out i miss my friends so much.

-i scripted a tweaked version of the Leverage: Redemption plot into this dr. Breanna is a part of my friend group, and she and i are hopelessly pining after each other (until the night of the ball IFHAOIHEFH)

-dear god my clothes T0T i cannot wait to play dress up fr

-all the women in my family have psychic/empathic abilities that develop around the age of 10. we also have occasional prophetic dreams/visions.

-i never got to meet my maternal grandmother Joyce in my cr, as she died a long time before i was born, but i scripted she's still alive in my dr and we're very close. im finally gonna get to meet her T0T i cant wait to hug the shit out of her. she was so amazing yall i cant wait to get to know her.

-i have one of those pink american flags with Chaewon from Lesserafim on it lmfao. i love being a patriot <3

[aroaceconfessions]

So my BFF just told me about the talk she had last week with a friend of hers and honestly, I wanted to give a bit of positivity here.

I sent her some YouTube videos where people guess each other’s sexuality and I was pretty happy that I managed to guess all the aroace people (In my 5 years of knowing I’m asexual, I have not met a single person who’s ace too so I was really happy when I still got to guess right!) anyways, I sent her the videos and told her to tell me what she guessed.

Yesterday she told me she watched the videos with a friend of hers who’s also part of the LGBTCommunity

That poor soul told my BFF that she thinks she’s demisexual, but somebody told her that she shouldn’t say she’s Demi because she won’t be accepted in the LGBT community. And that she couldn’t be Lesbian and Demisexual. So she was genuinely scared to identify as Demi.

And my BFF, whom I am SO proud of because she’s not on the aroace spectrum herself, but still listens to all my endless ramblings about it, managed to educate her on the subject completely. She told her friend the difference between Asexual and Aromantic, and the different attractions and all that. Because of that, her friend happily now identifies as a Demisexual lesbian and I am just so freaking proud of her!!! Like!!!

Submitted March 18, 2023

[spookymultimedia]

Small oneshot I made of Leia coming out to Nichole

Word count: 709

I laid on the bedroom floor of their girlfriends room and stared up at the ceiling from the cushy sleeping bag. I was ruminating about my gender again. I'm trans. I'm a transgender girl. Last week I had came out to Craig but I'm too scared to tell anyone else about it. I just don't want to disappoint people who knew me as a boy. I dunno.

“Hey,” Nichole whispered from her bed, “you awake?”

“Yeah.” I sat up. She turned on her bedside lamp. It was nearly 1 am on her alarm clock.

“Oh good because I can't sleep. Hold on,” she turned out the light and pulled out her pillow pet before turning the light on. The room had a soft pink glow. “there, now it's less obvious we're awake.”

 

“You've done this before huh?” I couldn't help a small giggle. 

“Uh yeah.” she slid off her bed and sat next to me.

I needed to tell her. I needed to tell her now. It was killing me keeping this a secret from her. She deserved to know the truth.

“Nichole.” I touched her hand.

“Yeah?”

My throat suddenly got all choked up. 

“Is there something you need to tell me?” she held my hand. Fuck. I love her so much. Tears pricked my eyes.

“What's wrong?”

“I'm scared you'll hate me.”

“Well what is it?”

“I'm not a boy.” 

“Oh. . .are you trans?”

“Yeah.” I rubbed my eye.

She pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back and leaned on her shoulder. I tried to stop crying but I couldn't stop.

“Why are you crying?”

“It's dumb but I'm scared you'd break up with me.”

“What? No, I'm pansexual. I don't care.”

I sat up holding her hands.

“But you fell in love with me as a boy, I thought you'd be disappointed that I'm not Tolkien.”

“No way, I just want you to be you. I love you. I like how genuine you are. I love how you're a good friend. I love your giggles. I love all of you.” she cupped my cheeks. I blushed.

“I love you too.” I mumbled in awe.

“Okay, so you want me to use she/her for you?”

“Uh, not yet, I'm not completely out to all my friends yet. But when I am out, yeah. She/her or they/them is cool.”

“Is that why you've been going by the name Tea lately?”

“Yeah. But it’s technically the first initial of my old name. I know I want something different but I haven't figured that out yet.”

“Okay.” She petted my hands. I smiled.

“Who else knows?” she asked. 

“Only Craig Tucker. I told him I hated being a boy.”

She nodded.

“Are you going to come out to your parents?”

“Probably. I'm just nervous I'll disappoint my Dad. I don't wanna tell him I hate the name he gave me or that I'm not his son anymore.”

“They're allies aren't they?”

“Yeah, they pro-lgbt. But I don't know.”

“Well my parents are supportive too, so you're safe here. I have a cousin who's trans and they love him.”

I nodded.

“You ok?”

“I just really don't feel at home in my body.” I mumbled.

“I could braid your hair sometime.”

I blinked wide eyed, “Really? You'd do that?”

“Yeah, when you're ready. Have you had  your hair different before?”

“Not really, no. I'm sick of looking at it.”

“Yeah, it sounds miserable. Being in a body that doesn't feel like yours.”

“It really is.” 

“Can I kiss you?” She mumbled.

“Yeah,” I giggled.

She kissed my cheek that made me giggle more.

“Sshhh!” She said trying to contain herself too. We stared at each other quietly for a moment.

“You're my girlfriend.” She said with a smile.

A glimmer of euphoria danced within me.

“Yeah.”

“We're girlfriends.”

“I sure hope people don't start drawing weird Yuri art of us.”

It was her turn to giggle as quietly as possible.

I yawned. 

“Oh I'm keeping you awake aren't I?”

“A little bit.” I rubbed my eyes.

“Sorry, yeah. We should really go to sleep.” She crawled up into her bed and turned off the light.

“Goodnight Tea.”

“Night.” I went to sleep feeling lighter than before.

[fazedlight]

Hi! Sorry if this is too personal, feel free to ignore if that's the case. I'm just interested in talking about queer, esp bi/pan, experiences.

I'm a fellow bisexual and one of my gripes with society at large and the LGBTQ+ community especially is that I often feel like people only see my attraction to same-gender people and erase the fact that I'm also attracted to people of other genders. It has gotten better over the years, but when I was a teenager I even referred to myself as homosexual with exceptions because I only felt welcome in the lesbian community when I denounced all attraction to men and I thought that if I didn't find a home in the lesbian community, I wouldn't be at home anywhere because bisexuality was so heavily erased and mostly seen as a joke or as a half-assed stepping stone to coming out as gay. I'm also not helping my case by being married to a person of the same gender, though I continue to insist that being married to one person of one gender does not make my attractions to other genders invalid.

Most other bisexuals I know have similar experiences to mine on account of either being in a same-gender relationship or single but still defined by their same-gender attraction. From what I've gathered from your profile (and sorry if I'm wrong!), you're married to a person not of the same gender. What are your experiences like? Do people erase your attraction to same-gender people? Does the LGBTQ+ community read your relationship as "straight-passing" and if so, do they take kindly to that? (I'm thinking of sentiments like no "straight" people at pride that completely ignore that people who look "straight" to you might still be queer in so many ways.)

Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

Oh boy, anon, let me tell you, I know a LOT of bi/pan people in your shoes.

This got a bit long, so I'll put my answer below the cut.

My experience these days is pretty chill (I'll get to that), but when I was a baby bi, I remember attending a bi-themed event at our LGBT group in college. I was the only bisexual to show up, and ended up spending over an hour answering questions from people basically grilling me on how bisexuals could even exist. To this day I wish I had just walked out instead of spending all that time being so stressed. It scared me off doing community stuff for a long time, unless I had people around me who I knew.

I've been pretty lucky with queer friends, though - bi/pan people, but also gay and ace - who really saw me. So throughout college and now, my friends' group and the sort of general/informal queer social circles I've run in have been very accepting.

I was never particularly feminine (have never bought makeup, have never owned heels, haven't owned a dress since before I started dating my now-spouse, haven't shaved since freshman year of college, etc). I've always leaned towards men's clothes, and then I started buzzcutting my hair into a short crew cut. I also have a man's wedding band.

Because of all that, I get read as queer in public. It's to the point where, when I start a new job, I can see the looks of confusion when I mention my husband. When people see a butch, they expect a lesbian - so I create a lot of confusion, and they kind of have to accept that I am both queer and have a husband. (I wouldn't be surprised if some of them think I'm confused about my sexuality, but none have made that my problem so far.)

But I feel like the femme bi/pan experience - which is far more common, I feel like butches are fairly rare in my circles whether lesbian or bi - receive much more bullshit from people. Because it's easier to be femme and "look straight", and so femmefolk get written off, even though they're equally valid.

I will say that I think online spaces can feel a bit erasing. Like there's a lot of thirstposting in online culture, but it feels like breaking an unspoken rule to thirstpost about both male and female celebrities*, or to talk about sex with men and women. It always makes me facepalm a bit when people call Claire Max a lesbian, when she's been very clear that (1) she is bi, and (2) she is currently dating both a man and a woman and has even been dating the man (Kyle) for longer. It really saddened me a month ago when an artist who draws a lot of wlw art talked about how people gave her shit for drawing m/f art, too. She shouldn't have to segregate her art to two accounts. (*I think there are also often unspoken rules about nonbinary people, in identity-erasing ways. But that's a rant for another post.)

I've been lucky to not really encounter those erasure problems in IRL queer spaces in recent history - possibly because the ones I've been in have been heavily mixed on the gender/sexuality spectrum.

I feel like a lot of this is very dependent on local norms. I think the more conservative an area is, the harder it is for people to embrace anyone who doesn't fit cleanly into 2 categories. That goes for male/female/nonbinary, straight/gay/bi, top/bottom/vers, etc. It turns out the "fuzzy" categories are actually VERY common. But binaries are easier for people to grasp.

But I feel like I've rambled on enough. In short, these days, I think my butchness & my local context both sort of shield me from some of the common bi problems. Which is lucky for me, but is absolutely a bullshit thing about culture that we all should work on fixing.

You're valid as a bi person, regardless of who you're in a relationship with (or not in a relationship with).

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hi 😅 I hope this is okay to ask, I’ll try to be brief but will probably fail at that. Basically I’ve been raised in a Christian household, very conservative too. But I met a far more liberal Christian friend and over time .. sort of am to the point I think I might be left-leaning too (definitely more than my family). This scares me. I don’t want to disappoint my family by being liberal …

She also recently talked to me about evolution which I was never taught about, the most I learned was reading a single textbook that talked about it around college. And … it all makes sense. I even went to the religious science site my dad says proves evolution is false and I can’t find any actual proof evolution is false. Everything is evidence to the contrary and .. I’ve listened to videos about experiments where cells clump together and start getting more complex and it’s honestly so exciting? That’s so cool? But … I can’t help but think of how disappointed my family will be about this, too …

But the worst part .. I’ve been holding off on looking into LGBT stuff because I don’t know what I’ll find. I’ve never had a crush on an actual guy (I’m a girl), even though easily over 20 guys have expressed interest in the past, some just said I was hot and kind of asked me out, others expressed wanting to marry me. I’ve never dated, ever. I only like fictional characters really, and the only strong connection has been literally 12 years of loving a character. My affection for him went into full force when I empathized with him, but I’m also autistic and he’s my special interest, so idk how that factors into it. Some of my friends say I’m demi, but I’ve insisted I’m straight and I’m just picky. I don’t know if I am. I also … have met or been friends with three girls over the years, or presumably girls, that I know I wanted to spend time with or get to know, I’d be nervous around (but I also have anxiety ..) or still think about sometimes. But I don’t think I’d want to have sex with a girl … idk, it’s really confusing because my mom always told me people think they’re LGBT because of wounds, and I definitely have been wounded in the past. But I also … I just don’t feel attracted to most people … but I also can find any person attractive or pretty? I just don’t necessarily want to do anything with them? Like recently I saw a video game character who I felt very Eh about, like he’s pretty I guess, until I learned he has trauma and now he seems more appealing because I empathize with him.

But … I don’t know what to do. My faith is extremely important to me and I know I have to have some sort of spirituality no matter what. But I just … I just can’t be LGBT. It’ll destroy my family and I might not have a place to live if I decide I am. Especially if I got a partner like that. I don’t know … I know I’m already such a disappointment for disagreeing politically and .. probably believing in evolution, and now I need to look into LGBT stuff because I need to know if what I’ve been taught is wrong, but I’m so, so, so scared. I can’t … be this. I just can’t. I don’t know if I am.

I’m sorry, this was kind of a vent and I’m sorry if any language is poorly-worded. I’m living in a constant state of anxiety right now so I am probably saying things wrong and I apologize. I just don’t know what to do. If you read this, thank you - and I hope you have a good day.

I think coming to terms with your identity may help you, even if you don't tell anyone. Your family doesn't have to know until you're ready to tell them, or they never even have to know at all.

It's important to remember that you don't need to rush into anything either. This is a pretty big change from what you described as your lifestyle, so it makes sense that you are having a lot of feelings of anxiety over this. Rushing into a new identity won't help you, especially if you aren't ready for it.

As for you religion, you can be religious and lgbtq, there are plenty of quuer people who are religious, and talking with some of hem might help you. They could give you advice on your family and you identity. Any religious quuer people feel free to reply to this with advice.

[evelhak]

📚

Since some people have evidently found my books through Tumblr despite of me not being very active on the Finnish side of it, I thought: why shouldn't I post about my books? It doesn't matter they are not available in English (yet, anyway) because I would be curious enough to read about stuff my mutuals do even if I couldn't read the actual material.

So, I plan to make a post about every book I write, do cover art for, or am otherwise involved with. Best case scenario is someone finds something new to read, worst case scenario is someone is bored.

This time, I'll introduce you to my debut novel:

☁️ Unitytöt ☁️

(dream girls)

Published: 2021 by Nysalor

Genre: New Adult, Fantasy, Slice of Life, LGBT+

Certainly not the first book that I wrote but this is my first published novel and my first cover project. ✨ I wrote this book in 2017 when I was about to graduate university, trying to juggle a full-time job as a mail carrier, nearly daily ballet training and writing both my original work and fanfiction which I also started doing the same year. The schedule turned out to be too much for my autistic brain and physical conditions. Regardless, I'm so happy I wrote this book!

It's a story about a technically bodiless creature, Venna, and a human, Aiju. Venna's species lives in people's heads or musical instruments because they need music to live. Venna is an outcast, and has been living in a wind chime to avoid people and their overwhelming array of feelings, which Venna's kind experiences directly in the human brain they are living in. Circumstances force Venna to move into the head of a young woman, Aiju, who is starting her studies at a temple (=a magic university). Unlike Venna's previous humans, Aiju can hear and feel Venna and is curious for, rather than scared of a new friend in her head. Aiju is also able to control and create elaborate dreamworlds where she and Venna can meet in their own separate forms. The two begin to live their life together, studying, enjoying music, maybe even falling in love when an older student is intrigued by Aiju's peculiar behaviour. It's a story about sharing a body and partially a mind, about merging, sense of self, neurodiversity and particularly sensitivity, and also abuse and healing. It's a slow love story, a fantastical exploration of the subconscious, a fantasy focused on characters and dreams that also touches on the larger context of the universe and existence.

I wrote this book because I had read many body sharing stories and was dissatisfied with the lack of portrayal of the ordinary every day experiences that would come with it, as well as I was with the ease with which body shifting creatures always seem to adapt to their new circumstances. I wanted to see more of the reality. I wrote this book because I had briefly introduced and later edited out a music eating demon in another fantasy story of mine, who possessed a girl and made her dance in a tavern until she fainted. I was curious what a story about a similar but gentle creature would be like. I wrote this book because themes of merging and separating your sense of self were relevant to me and I wanted to explore them through a fantastical world but also reality based concepts.

I was so much more nervous about the cover project than I was about actually publishing the story. I had zero experience apart from my personal cover doodles, no graphic design studies, and had only recently started learning Photoshop. Thankfully I'm still pretty happy with the cover, although there are technical details I would do differently. The most glaringly obvious one is the ginormous bar code. It was hard to tell how big it would actually look and my publisher had warned me not to make it too small, so I overdid it. My publisher is small so there are no resources to make test copies of the books, and it's due to the smallness of my publisher that I even had the opportunity to design the cover myself despite having no experience, just some visual skills.

I still like the cover art itself, the only problem which I did suspect back then too, is that in an attempt to make the cover dreamlike, it turned out a bit like children's literature. I was the only one who was worried about it, but in some libraries people have clearly thought this is aimed at 12-year-olds. I'm sure some of them would enjoy this, but it's a bit off. A lot of people have told me not to underestimate children, but it's not that I'm doing that, I'm simply aware that this book is not written in a way nor does it contain themes or life events that are relevant to very young people. It's a very psychological story and its issues are the most relevant to people in their late teens and early twenties. It's not that there's anything in this book that a 12-year-old couldn't handle, it's just going to be boring for most of them because it would be a lot to ask from a child's attention span to be interested in stuff they can't relate to for 400 pages. Even if many 12-year-olds still like to read about characters older than them, characters they can look up to, this book is written with people in mind who can relate to 20-year-olds. Of course there are exceptions. I probably would have loved this book as a 12-year-old. But I'm sure 90% of my peers would not have cared enough to finish it.

The cover seems to have done some of its job well too, because I know some people (adults) bought this book because they thought the cover was pretty, so that's good at least. Most of the feedback I've received has been really positive, the book seems to have found some of the readers it was clearly meant for. Some relevant criticism has also come my way and I believe I've learned some things since writing this book. The only really negative review I came across so far contained so many factual errors that it seemed the reviewer had been too busy to actually process the book. From that perspective it seems like the cover has also worked well enough to draw mostly the intended people towards the book.

The most memorable experience in its publication process was probably how it was chosen for an interview at the biggest national book fair by high school presentation/communication students who hold interviews on one of the stages there every year. It was such a good interview because the two students interviewing me clearly loved the book, related to it, and were excited to talk about it with me, and asked really thoughtful questions. I couldn't imagine a better first interview as an author. It was also the day the book officially came out. It was also my first time at that book fair (I don't often visit the capital) and I was the first author from my publisher to land an interview there, so I was really very nervous at first. I was unfortunately a COVID debut author so this was the only place I was able to present my book physically that year, which obviously affected its already marginal distribution. But it was such a lovely event for me that it is the more memorable for it.

I wish this book would find more readers who love dreamy, character driven and fairytale-esque fantasy. It's not without plot, mystery, or danger, but it's definitely not the best pick for someone who needs an epic, fast paced and world-shaking chain of events from their reading experience. This is for the other sensitive dreamers out there who just love to drown in characters, experiences and subtle magic, and would rather stop to contemplate it than to rush forward at all times.

[crimsonxe]

“Can I kiss you? I can’t tell if its alright or not anymore.” is such a Yang v2+ thought towards Blake. All That Matters just flat-out laying it out there; 6 having Yang trying to stick to “friends”; 7-8 having Yang showing more via things like blatantly staring at Blake from Weiss’s bed, gay panicking over her, and thinking of her while separated from her; and 9 pretty much screams how nervous she is about where their feelings are and being scared of going for it cause danger-zone.

Listen my brain is currently running on way too much coffee, the hype of Imodna, BB (which isn’t new), and making the connections between two pairs that are right in my bullseye strike zone. Imagine having Barb and Arryn in a campaign even as guest characters in CR, like who needs coffee at that point.

Also I’m going to guess the usual crowd has started popping up to bash Imodna, like they do for every single LGBT+ pair under the sun. “they’re like sisters”, “fanservice/pandering”,etc. Cause no lifers have no life but bitching about anything not white and hetero

So what I’ve heard is that Imogen has issues with her mom or as the person put it “mommy issues”...like how am I not supposed to relate that to Yang. Like C’MON universe.

[ferretzdiary]

Saying I love you to my parents feels so weird. It’s not that I don’t love them- it’s complicated really. I kind of hate them too. They aren’t exactly good people, but they aren’t exactly bad either?

It’s weird to say I love you to people who don’t actually love you. They love the idea of you, what they want of you and expect, and feel the need to love you because you’re their dna, but they don’t love you as you. Other than being white as paper, I’m nearly everything they hate. I’m queer, I’m trans, I’m autistic, I’m alt, I’m a punk, I hate things they worship, I’m a witch, etc. list keeps going.

They don’t like my personality. Over the years I’ve learned I get in trouble with them less if I dull myself down, if everything including my emotions are concealed. This is very difficult for someone who’s autistic, has depression, ptsd, and anxiety that affects my heart; but I have to bottle it of fear if it’s the wrong emotion I’ll get in trouble. Specifically negative ones. Negative ones are usually met with yelling, belittling, scolding, etc. anger. I literally have gotten in trouble for being on high suicide risk. I can’t help that. I wasn’t even honest on most of the questions at the damn hospital because I’m scared of them. When they find out I’m harming myself they get mad at me because I have no reason to be sad, scolding me about how good I have it. I know my life is better than a lot of peoples but that doesn’t make everything magically go away. I don’t understand why they think it does.

Not to mention they’re aware I was raped and beat by my cousin for years. They don’t care, when they found out they said and did nothing, he’s still the family favorite, and the cherry on top is life is going way better for him. He’s got a sweet girlfriend, an apartment, a good paying job, everything. I can’t even get my damn license bc for some reason I’m terrified of cars.

Back to being a faggot; when I was outed (not consensual, I begged not to be because I knew what was to come, I was already struggling to understand what was going on with myself and condemning myself) I came home to being told I’d be hung on our Barb wire fence with allll the other queers if I didn’t by my father (I had just started middle school). No exaggeration. They still tell me I can tell them anything and they don’t care but continue to spit threats, slurs and whatever the fuck else towards the lgbt, a lot of the time it feels aimed at me wether they mean it or not.

I literally have struggled to keep myself together while my heart was giving me trouble because I was so damn terrified they’d be pissed. Unfortunately this is a common occurrence because I literally Tweek out just being in a damn Walmart half the time.

I don’t have friends outside of my phone, the one irl friend I got to see moved to NY, my other one I just never see and is always sick, and everyone else is online. I’d make friends, but my parents kinda prevent that too bc I don’t want them bitching because someone looks a certain way or isn’t white. I literally avoided a black girl I wanted to be friends with because I knew she wouldn’t be safe as my friend. Not to mention I work at my dad’s food truck and other than my house and grandmas that’s all I ever go, I work full time, so how am I meant to even make friends? I’m so isolated, I’m as isolated as I was when my cousin beat me if I talked to other kids, hell I might be MORE isolated now. I’m in a tight box!!

And I’m trapped. I can’t drive, I can hardly cook, I can hardly take care of myself at all, I’m stupid as hell, need help to get through college, etc. I’m stuck. I can’t take this anymore. It’s so fucking hard not to attempt again but I don’t want to let mfs win, I want to survive for my friends, my grandma, and so I can have a future where I die as myself not the stranger I see in the mirror. My self harm has been so bad lately, I keep blanking out and relapsing, I have no one to go to. I don’t know what to do. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do. I almost wish I could go back to the hospital and dump everything but I’m turning twenty, what can they fuckin do? Not to mention how badly I want to get my bachelors and become a zoologist, I can’t loose my college opportunity.