#like I don't want to be ableist and be unmasking

[charmre]

It's very isolating being like the only person who still masks in public around campus and in my school building...

And every time I DO unmask at a rare, outside event I feel guilty, bc covid only needs to get lucky once.

But, it's so hard being heard and understood at get-togethers, makes me question the reason for going to them in general

But I need to be networking to get the most out of this master's degree and I WANT to be social, but it's just hard

[robboybot]

gonna be real honest, anytime people fear monger over the "evil side" of medicine that has anything to do with scaring people away from using it by over exaggerating side effects and using hyperbole about addiction are often addict haters, ableists, and/or trying to justify their own fears by dragging down others

medicine has plenty of down sides if used wrong, if it doesn't react well to someone, so on and so on, but like... so do everyday things like food allergies, the sun's radiation, and other things. it's not inherently "evil".

anyways, as a chronically ill disabled guy people who go "oh I don't wanna get addicted ://" in that SPECIFIC way you can tell they've been fed nothing but anti-addict propaganda pisses me off so bad lmao

[anti-rq-gumi]

Hi. Ex-radqueer again. Sorry if I keep bothering you. I’m struggling understanding why transautistic and similar terms are wrong.

I’m autistic. I’ve been diagnosed since age 5. I’m very visibly autistic in interactions with me, and as a result I have been ostracized my entire life. I have no friends, currently. I have only ever been asked out as a prank. I have never seen anyone “admire” my autism or see it as something to emulate. Until transautistics.

Radqueers told me that I should see transautistic people as a compliment. The idea that they wanted to be me. That they wanted to develop the traits that have haunted me my whole life. Without transautistics, I really am undesirable in all the world. My autistic traits are unwanted things.

I’m kind of struggling right now.

Hi again! You're not bothering me at all, don't worry!

Like you, I was suspected to be autistic since I was very young, though I didn't receive an actual diagnosis until much later at 17. While I accepted it I found it hard to think of in a positive light due to internalized ableism from my own experiences. More exposure to autistic people on the internet talking about it with pride was what helped me think of it differently.

Have you heard of the site Embrace Autism? It's full of resources for autistic and other neurodivergent people compiled by professionals who are neurodivergent themselves! It's an absolutely amazing read not only for autistic people but for those who suspect they might have autism and allies looking to support the community.

With that out of the way, I'll talk about the transautistic label a little bit. Wanting to be autistic is not a bad thing. It's more of a neutral one. Whether or not transautistic people are ableist depends on how they choose to deal with their feelings.

If a transautistic person is autistic, and uses the label to describe how they want to unmask more and become more comfortable presenting as autistic around people, then that's great! They'll be fully accepted into the autistic community.

If a transautistic person feels like they are autistic, but don't know for sure if they meet its diagnostic criteria, they should do more research into the different ways autism can present and whether or not that applies to them. Informed self diagnosis is incredibly valid.

If a transautistic person is allistic, wants to have autism and doesn't intend to do anything about this besides simply researching what autism is like and supporting autistic people, then that's fine. I understand atypical dysphoria exists.

If a transautistic person is allistic, and wants to fake autism, that's... not okay. They more often than not will know about autistic stereotypes rather than symptoms. The consequences of their faking will be negative not only to themselves, but also to everyone around them's perception of autism.

If a transautistic person wants to 'transition to having autism' they need to be told they cannot do this. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that manifests as a difference in brain structure from birth. It is impossible for an allistic person to become autistic or vice versa. Attempts to do so only traumatize the individual in question. Suggesting anything to the contrary is extremely ableist.

Some radqueers claim that all transautistics belong in autistic spaces, which is just kind of inherently not true. Autistic people belong in autistic spaces. Transautistic autistics are accepted, and transautistic allistics are expected to be respectful of a group they don't belong to.

All in all, there is pride to be found in being autistic! You aren't undesirable or unwanted for having that disorder. Many autistic people live happy and fulfilling lives. Using the transautistic label to express autistic pride is completely fine with me, and what I truly take issue with is allistic people using it as an excuse for ableism.

(Edit: Some mentions of the word ‘neurotypical’ I’ve corrected to ‘allistic’.)

[narcpocalypse]

Speaking of that post I hope it's ok for me to send this ask in!

I have some OCs myself that also have NPD(+other PDs as well, like ASPD AND BPD for example) and I was wondering how to realistically portray NPD without unintentionally stigmatizing/demonizing it?

*also some are also POC as well and are my Elder Scrolls OCs also, if this helps.*

Feel free to delete this ask, if you don't feel like answering!

AGHHH MY FIRST ASK!!!!!!!!/pos

Fair warning, this is going to be a LONGGGG ass post and it will mention ableism towards NPDers. I want to make sure I cover as much as possible. If you have NPD and want to add anything, pls do so in a reblog or the comments! I am also super delirious so if what I say makes no sense I'm so sorry 😭

I think a full, completely in depth understanding is the key to not writing something stigmatizing/demonizing. It sounds obvious, but in the case of NPD, there's so much misinformation so I am hoping this post can guide you in the writing process. You never know what little thing can cause accidental mischaracterization.

This is a super important topic for me because honestly, I'm trying to figure out the same as someone with NPD myself, even with all the info available. I feel like there's so much grey area because so much is still unknown about the disorder (fuck the psych system/narc abuse believers). A lot of us have to go from our personal experiences and figure things out on our own, which brings me to my first topic:

Self Diagnosis And The Criteria!!!!!!!!

A LOT of us are self diagnosed, including myself. Whether you're officially diagnosed or not, most of us can agree the DSM5 is booty ass. I bring up self diagnosis specifically because due to the DSM5 being shitty, it's suuuper difficult to get diagnosed or even want a diagnosis. I personally don't want one.

If that's a theme you want to bring up in your work, I would definitely follow blogs here that break down the diagnostic criteria and re-define it in a realistic way. Having this is super important because the DSM5 is MADDD confusing even if it wasn't ableist.

Your characters might resonate with that confusion and even anger. Rage is such a prominent emotion with us narcissists, so its highly encouraged you tap into that. The stigma is so impactful to most of us and personally keeps me hidden.

If you went off the official criteria, you could innocently and accidentally write an ableist trope based off the DSM5. For example, the DSM5 has a very vague and "I do this just because I can blah blah blah and there's a name for it" narrative of narcissists. There's no nuance. They state accurate symptoms but don't accurately explain why we have them. Without context, it makes our intentions ultimately one size fits awful.

Here are some resources that have been super helpful to me!

Some extra specific things I keep in mind when writing my narcissistic characters:

-“Bad behavior” is such an important phrase to emphasize when writing narcissists negative symptoms and being mindful on how you approach the impact. Make sure that phrase is clear, even if they will not redeem themselves and are a piece of garbage. They did xyz because of bad behavior due to symptoms, they hurt john doe because of bad behavior due to symptoms. They make the conscious choice not to change their bad behavior because abc or they make the conscious choice to do better because blah blah blah.

-Depending on what communication style you want two or more characters to have, make sure the outcomes are accurate based off of symptoms. My examples don't explain narcissists as a whole, but they are based off of my symptoms:

Lack of Communication: Increase in superiority symptoms, increase in rage, increase in invalidation and inferiority feelings. Other parties, specifically egotypicals may have a misconception of the narcissist and believe their symptoms are how they really are and can't be redeemed due to stigma. In the situation involving a narcissist however, in my experience when this happens I'm always so confused. Nothing makes sense and nobody is explaining anything to me. I need outside perspective as to why my actions are wrong and lack of communication will sink me deeper into my delusions. Communication is so important coming from the outside perspective to snap me out of my spiral. Lack of communication on my end will cause me to bottle up my feelings, convinced I’m better alone. Not explaining my intentions (or lack there of, to be completely blunt and vulnerable.) to someone I hurt can cause them so much more pain too. I don't want to hurt anyone, and even if I don't FEEL sorry, I can acknowledge I don't want the people I care for to be hurt by my bad actions.

Proper Communication: Honestly in my case, usually the damage I caused isn’t forgiven however rebuilding that trust becomes so much easier accepting that and opening up to the person/people I hurt. The narcissist usually knows they can prevent xyz going forward, and the other party is prepared on how to handle the situation in case it happens again. In my experience, communication is super beneficial in terms of receiving supply too. ESPECIALLY when the other person involved is also a narcissist, they know that pain of not receiving praise/admiration and we can understand each other moving forward.

Other narcissists I encourage you give your experience w this too bc I have seen very diff ones!

-If you want to implement characters who are ableist towards the narcissist, some things I would do are:

Show the narcissists internal monologue after the trauma and put your main focus on their emotions, the ableist person’s actions second. The weight of their words will be shown more in the trauma response, less in the moment (although super important). Focus the context on the narc crash, anxiousness, surprise, grandiosity overcompensation, etc.

Have other characters defend the narcissist, preferably being other narcissists because we are the ones who understand each other the most and back each other up no matter what

Show the importance of proper education and lack of education

Ask yourself how this is relevant to the plot and your character/characters

-Ask yourself, why does/doesn't my character want to be redeemed? Is it a symptom or is it genuine? Do they want to do better but don't recognize it? Why don't they recognize it? What symptoms are holding them back from xyz (social connections, self care etc.).?

Examples of answers to these questions:

My character doesn't want to be redeemed because they are convinced they are justified in their actions. They genuinely believe they did the right thing and need time to get out of that mindset. What's stopping them from getting out of that mindset is the delusion they are stuck in. Working on their trauma triggers can help lessen the blow and onset of psychosis. If they recognize they are wrong, my character is the type of person to crash and have suicidal urges. There is a slow build up before the crash that spirals into madness. What may help is getting supply from their friends/partners reassuring them that recognizing their bad actions are a first step followed by praise for things outside of the situation to bring them back to a solid baseline or narc high.

My character has a hard time socializing because when having an episode of grandiosity, they feel like they are better than everyone and no one is at their level. In episodes of insecurity, they feel like they don't deserve friends because they feel worthless. This is followed by perfectionism and seeking unwanted friendships, only to self-destruct and hurt those around them. Their ego impacts everything they do.

-SHAMEEEE is one of the most important emotions (in my experience) to write about so pls make that an important part of how your character views themselves!

-I know I have been only focusing on negative aspects, but also do highlight the positive aspects. For me, NPD has motivated me to work on myself. It isn’t the healthiest way, but given my circumstance, it is the healthiest I can do right now. Even my most wild and delusional thoughts can lead to great opportunities for self improvement. Thinking I’ll become famous? Gave myself tools to work on my executive dysfunction and be consistent with a project I love. Narc highs are also absolutely incredible. Finding folks who understand me and receiving praise has kept me going. I genuinely feel listened to. Narcissists are some of the nicest people you will ever meet because they know what it feels like to hate themselves. No matter how little empathy some of us have, that doesn’t mean we can’t acknowledge one another (even if my symptoms make me feel so singular in my experiences/contradict the point of acknowledging others).

More info to represent different kinds of NPDers:

Some common comorbidities are:

Autism Spectrum

Bipolar Disorder

Schizophrenia Spectrum

DID/OSDD

All Cluster B Disorders

Eating Disorders and Addictions

So many of us are autistic. SO MANY. This small survey statistic doesn’t scratch the surface but it’s important to look at!

As an autistic person myself, I feel like a lot of the trauma I faced growing up highly contributed to the development of NPD. I was othered, shunned, invalidated and shamed for just existing. Still am. That made me overcompensate with erratic attempts to be wanted and loved and just acknowledged in any way possible. I want to be SEEN.

If anyone wants an in depth post sharing my experiences with bipolar disorder and NPD I will absolutely do so if asked too!

How NPD affects my gender itself, dysphoria and sexuality:

In my experience as a fat trans man, a lot of my dysphoria is rooted in narcissism, internalized fatphobia and internalized toxic masculinity. I want to be the ideal boyfriend that is praised for existing. My male privilege definitely contributes to that want and I can acknowledge and dislike that part of myself. I expect this certain level of respect for being a man without realizing it sometimes and make sure to hold myself accountable when doing so. My dysphoria makes me feel inferior to other men because I don't "pass" and I feel the need to compete against them. The insecurity is consuming me and I do my best to be aware if I cross any lines.

What I have noticed about gender and sexuality in NPDers is that a lot yall are aroace and nonbinary! Like based off of my survey alone and people I know!

I asked one of my mutuals if it wanted to share his experiences of being a POC with NPD and it agreed!! He wanted to stay anonymous (aka super duper awesomely cool and mysterious) so I’ll just be posting the ss of what he said!

I do not have much to say on the response from my mutual because I feel like what it said speaks for itself and because we've spoken in private about the topic already! If you want to write an Asian character with NPD, this is really useful information!!!! One day I will make a post elaborating on being a POC with NPD myself. But, for now, this will help you understand an experience from an Asian perspective.

I hope this post wasn't all over the place and makes sense, if you have any more questions please ask away!

[aspd-culture]

@brandon666

First off, you have some *really* inaccurate ideas of what ASPD is. Do you think we can survive in the world acting like you expect me to act? Far more often, pwASPD appear detached and callous rather than actively hostile the way you're saying. We aren't 12 year old kids on Xbox Live voice chat, * s p o o k y voice* we are all around you. You wouldn't be able to pick most of us out of a crowd, even if you had direct interaction with us. In fact, a running joke here and in my real life is that people often tell pwASPD "don't worry, I can sniff out a s*ciop*th a mile away" or similar not realizing they're talking shit about us to our face.

There *are* pwASPD who are still entirely valid who act the way you're saying - and also plenty of prosocials who behave like that too. But it isn't all of us, all the time. Most of us are capable of and maybe even prefer to be cool, calm, and calculated about how we speak and act because of the trauma we have.

Unlike people on TV like Dr. House, there are real life consequences to the behavior you describe, and many of us strive not to be happy, but for life to be as convenient as possible. Kinda hard to get convenience while you're pissing everyone off. Ever heard the part of ASPD where they mention we are manipulative and charismatic? Yeah that isn't exactly compatible with being crass, careless, pranking, or offensive. Careless actually specifically bothers me because we are often said to "play a social chess game" with people we talk to. Many of us are extremely calculating and overly cautious. And many of us aren't, but it certainly isn't like you're saying all the time. Even pwASPD who *do* act like that usually are calm and "respectful" sometimes.

Also, I never claimed to be unmasked on this blog. Most of the time, I am absolutely masking to some degree - although much less than IRL. You can actually see that in the tags, I use "a rare unmasked aspd-culture" as a joke about this fact. Whilst this is a safe place for other pwASPD to unmask if they'd like, my posts on this blog are different. My side of this is helping educate people - prosocial, antisocial, whoever - if/when they have questions for me about ASPD which is fairly frequent. This isn't to say I am not ok with unmasking here, like I said it's happened before, but consider the context of what's happening.

I'm often asked genuine questions about ASPD, some of which are ableist (almost always on accident!) and many of which are based on extremely common misconceptions. If I were to unmask while answering those, I would end up being really shitty to people who are trying to learn - often people who want to do better for the pwASPD in their life, or for themselves. We talk about coping mechanisms and the development of ASPD a lot here; with those topics there is little room for my unmasked behavior *and* education. If I were to unmask while answering, no one would be getting anything out of asking those questions even if I was providing info because it's hard to take in new information from someone when they're being defensive or hostile.

I don't want to be hostile towards them, I want to help because if ASPD is ever going to be destigmatized, someone has got to answer their questions and help show them what it is and what it isn't! We can't expect prosocials to fend for themselves in the cesspool of stigma that the typical google results on ASPD show - someone has to help them. And since one of my special interests (something autistic ppl like myself have and love to infodump about) is mental health, especially my own disorders, I am happy to be one of the people they can ask these sometimes tough questions to.

I am also helping pwASPD! Many questions I get are people trying to understand their own disorder or the disorder they think they might have. It sucked for me, learning this all on my own (and I'm still learning too), so I can use the cognitive empathy I've taught myself over the years and remember the feelings I went through when I was trying to find unbiased info.

There's a transaction here - a major part of ASPD if you didn't know - I calmly and respectfully answer people's questions, and the world becomes slightly less ignorant and we get a slight amount of progress on destigmatizing this disorder. That makes my life easier too. In the process, I see many culture asks that remind me I'm not alone in this. Often, posting those gives me some catharsis, and you will sometimes see me going off in the tags about what I've dealt with. But for the most part, I'm giving other pwASPD an open space to unmask as well as to ask questions to someone who will, 95% of the time, give a masked and respectful answer. Friendly is a stretch tho lol unless you missed the original post about the syscourse that you commented this on.

So yeah, long and short, you're definitely missing something here and that's ok. Just learn and do better. I know you might see that as another thing that is flying in the face of ASPD or whatever, but it's no skin off my back if you think I have ASPD or not, and anyway I'd rather you just learn and maybe next time someone says something like that to/around you about ASPD, you'll have the knowledge to correct it. Spreading info is an exponential situation - once I tell you guys things, some of you will inevitably tell someone else that, and so on and so forth until a good handful of people now know things about ASPD they didn't before. If not, oh well. I got to infodump and see relatable posts that made me feel seen.

Either way, it's been, and hopefully will continue to be, a net positive. You are absolutely welcome to keep this dialogue going if you have questions, want clarification, are enraged that I gave you a calm response, whichever. Even if you don't get anything out of this, someone else seeing it might.

I'll really fuck with you now - I genuinely hope you have a good day.

[sniffanimal]

I've made posts about it before but I think I'm gonna go out of my way to compile a bunch of first hand ownvoices posts and videos about nonspeaking/level 3/"low functioning"/physically disabled folks about their experiences to boost and uplift because this is the Late Diagnosis website and every other post on autism here is like Are You 25 And Just Learning What Autism Is? and I'd really like to hear from some people who have known since day 1, were possibly in SpEd or even ABA at some point, use AAC, etc. I followed a few people on Instagram that I can start with but I think it would do this website some good to listen to people who can't hide their autism, can't mask, have never masked. it feels like everyone forgets it's a goddamn disability unless it involves you not liking polyester or something

every time I see people autism posting I think about my students and how I don't think any of you have ever met an autistic person who isn't like you. I've literally seen posts like "people who yell in public are ableist, some of us are autistic and sensitive to noises" and like. would you feel the same if it was an autistic person yelling? idk it's a tangent but

I haven't made my formal post yet so I don't have any direct sources but if you want to do more for disabled folks and autistic folks in your community, look for things like [county name] inclusion, or look for resources for families with disabilities and then look for volunteer opportunities with those organizations. nothing can kill the ableism in you like being part of a bigger community with more diverse people of different experiences from you.

I think there was the tiniest bit of merit to the concept of Asperger's ***(this user is not defending or excusing the actions of Hans Asperger!!!)*** in the sense that it gave community to those who were impacted far differently by Autism than some of their peers, I just wish that by collapsing Asperger's into Autism Spectrum Disorders, that people with less life impacts weren't the dominant voice for the community anymore. If you can speak verbally in full sentences then you're already way more able to participate in society at large than people who can't. and yet a lot of autism positivity and support stuff I see tends to be entirely around "it's okay to unmask!" when the vast majority of autistic people couldn't even mask in the first place

anyways this is long and incoherent it's just constantly on my mind

[moomatahiko]

Are you guys really against self dx of autism?

I wish the people having conversations about this online were more open minded. And more open to non-judgmentally discussing the benefits and potential harms to self diagnosing. I think that conversation could be a lot more helpful than the black-and-white, morally-condemning opinions I frequently people share online.

I also think it's so important to identify WHO the potential harm is being done to in different contexts. The harm could be to the individual self diagnosing, to the autism community as a whole, to autistic and/or allistic people in the individual's life, etc. Here are some examples of what I mean: Example 1: It can obviously be helpful for actually autistic people to self-dx (it helped me!), if part of their healing process is finding community and resources using the autism label, but they don't have money or access to a formal diagnosis.

Example 2: A potential harm is that people who are not autistic may self-diagnose, and decide to use coping skills (like social-isolation or stimming) to cope with a struggle that is unrelated to autism. This is a harm to the individual self-diagnosing, though, not necessarily to the autism community. I personally don't like when people claim that this scenario is a harm to the autistic community. I don't think it is.

I like the processes and terms the autistic community has developed to help autistics help themselves, and I see this as a really important part of the community that I personally don't want to lose, and I think when people condemn self diagnosis altogether, they often miss out on the many benefits. A medical diagnosis can help someone identify how some specific challenges and disabilities may be related, but self diagnosing ( the autistic way ) can provide so much more. It consists of identifying all of the aspects of autism that the brief, ableist, and incomplete DSM criteria and research has yet to recognize, like the positive benefits of stimming, enjoying solitude, engaging with special interests, and embracing the other unique characteristics many autistic people share.

I like these relevant quotes from Unmasking Autism by Devon Price:

"Medical documentation does not make your experience any more real. Self-realized Autistics are not lesser members of the community. In most Autistic self-advocacy spaces I frequent, I have no idea who is diagnosed and who is not, because it truly does not matter. I believe that Autistic people have the right to define who we are, and that self-definition is a means of reclaiming our power from the medical establishment that has long sought to corral and control us."

...

"For all the reasons outlined above, I firmly support Autistic self-determination. I prefer the terms self-determination or self-realization to self-diagnosis, because I believe it’s more sensible to view Autistic identity through a social lens than a strictly medical one.[75] Diagnosis is a gatekeeping process, and it slams its heavy bars in the face of anyone who is too poor, too busy, too Black, too feminine, too queer, and too gender nonconforming, among others. The Autistics who lack access to fair diagnoses need solidarity and justice the most desperately out of all of us, and we can’t just shut them out."

[lilqu33rboi]

I had my first (sort of) interaction with an ableist in public today. It may have been an honest misinterpretation on my part due to my overthinking of social cues and whatnot, so I just wanted to know what people think. (It's a pretty long post, so I'm just gonna seperate it here in case you don't care enough to read it and want to scroll past /nm)

My mom, my sister and I were at a dress sale to buy a dress for my sister for homecoming, and there weren't many people there so I felt comfortable enough to unmask. I was just quietly stimming while my sister picked out dresses, minding my own business, when I accidentally made eye contact with someone else who was looking at dresses near us. And instead of giving a polite smile or whatever, or even looking away like I was about to, she gave me this, like, sympathetic look. Like she pitied me for being visibly autistic. It just made it seem like she thought I was miserable or something, which pissed me off because that couldn't be further from the truth. I was *really* comfortable! The lighting was low and it was relatively quiet, so I was just tapping on a hanger and swaying back and forth on the balls of my feet to prevent understimulation. It was actually quite nice, until this stranger felt like they knew me well enough that they could make the *very accurate assumption* (/s) that just because I was stimming, I was automatically uncomfortable.

Like I said, I might have just misinterpreted this whole thing, and chances are I'm overreacting; I just wanted to make sure that my reaction at least makes a bit of sense.

[vent-reblogs-bc-of-the-tism]

This is my unmasking account. Essentially, I have a problem where I don't understand nuance in people's speech and take it literally, which leaves me with problems like saying "All Lives Matter" because in my head all lives do matter and it doesn't go any deeper than that. I do understand that it does something else, I think like because it implies black lives matter is just an important issue as like white lives, but that isn't my intention (or similar intentions for equivalent stuff) Anyway, with this account I'll be saying generally the first thing that comes to mind with a lot of stuff (because isn't that what unmasking is?) and hoping that people can explain to me why I'm wrong. I do it this way because: 1. I have rejection sensitive dysphoria. I know I will get hate mail, comments, etcetera. Exposure is one of the best solutions to ending RSD. And I don't know a better way to get people to be for real mad at me (if I know it's fake it won't work as well) and lets me grow too. 2. It helps me grow because while I am ignorant to many things, I try my hardest not to be arrogant. I'd like advice and to understand these things, and if I do this in the real world (where it is likely to affect less people, and I genuinely don't want people to feel bad), I will be ostracized and will be alone, and as we hopefully all know loneliness will lead to depression will lead to anxiety will lead to all sorts of bad things (like increased risk of heart failure!). My end goal with this account is to understand social issues enough that I can unmask without worry of social ostracization. I just don't understand so much nuance of speech. Frequently asked questions/concerns: Q: Are you a troll? A: If you ignore my point about kinda wanting insults, no. I do like attention, but if I wanted negative attention I would be racist and ableist and transphobic and all of those things. I hope this is enough convincing for you Q: You can't use not understanding social nuance as an excuse to be an asshole! A: Also ignoring my point about kinda wanting insults, I can, because I genuinely don't understand why I'm being an asshole. Don't get me wrong, I do understand that I am being one (most of the time), but I don't understand why. And I'm assuming these are things that come naturally to y'all. Q: How do people tolerate you IRL? A: I understand things are bad. I just don't understand why. so when I mask in person I am a descent human being by acting like someone who understands why these things are bad. I would call this masking, you might call this manipulating. My only comment on it is I'm not nice to people for my own gain, at least not consciously (other than wanting loving and supportive friends and family). And I never intentionally hurt people's feelings, and I definitely feel a lot of guilt. Q: This is an unhealthy coping mechanism A: This is very likely another nuance thing I'm not getting, because I've gotten so many of these, but this isn't a coping mechanism? I'm not coping with anything? According to this, coping is defined as "the thoughts and behaviors mobilized to manage internal and external stressful situations". I'm not coping with any particularly stressful situations. I already have coping mechanisms too. I have a journal with at the moment with a whopping 76,672 words. (the average novel has between 70,000 to 120,000 words) Q: Get a therapist A: I've had ones. I didn't like them because they never listened to my boundaries, and most of the time I've managed to fix my issues on my own anyway. I'd find a new one but my parents are tired of finding one for me (I don't care enough to find them myself, and have given up hope after 4 therapists over 6 years that any of them are good)

Q: Stop being an asshole! A: Believe me, I want to. Getting insulted a lot does not feel good. If you, again, ignore my kinda wanting insults, I would be a lot nicer. But also an unintended consequence will be less people telling me why I'm wrong. So I'll continue doing it until the benefits outweight the costs, likely when I think my RSD is at a point where it doesn't have a super large affect on how I feel. Sadly, most of the time I'm not an asshole in person so my spikes in feeling incredibly bad about being perceived to be rejected will be few and far between. This may mean a few months between my own judgements on this, and me changing my mind sometimes too. Feel free to send me questions and be an asshole! I mean, I'd like it if you were an asshole, but don't be that mean, pretty please.

[mirandamckenni1]

Autistic People are STILL Being Mocked Online Get an exclusive @Surfshark Holiday deal! Enter promo code NOWWHAT to get up to 6 extra months free at https://ift.tt/ah8B3wT Autistic People are STILL Being Mocked Online Can you believe this subreddit has almost 300,000 members?? 🐌 I have a new Patreon community! You can get 2 exclusive videos a month, access to the Discord server, and more 🐌: https://ift.tt/vIQyx0A 💛WATCH NEXT💛: Does TikTok Think You're Autistic? | 4 Bizarre Autism Tests: https://youtu.be/3mXB-xF78_M Autistic Influencer BULLIED off Social Media: https://youtu.be/Jv0EW2CJws0 📹 My Videos mentioned 📹: Not Stimming is MORE dangerous than you think...: https://youtu.be/RTw-32j0vm0 📒 Sources 📒: Fake Disorder Cringe: https://ift.tt/yeI1VYn TikTok Rap: https://ift.tt/mbx8gsd TikTok Rap by other person: https://ift.tt/o6hzPZE BPS Article: https://ift.tt/7hozKIJ Stimming National Autistic Society: https://ift.tt/SucMzm1 Wikipedia page Stimming: https://ift.tt/ATdrH2g LUSH: https://ift.tt/24DLzRg Stimming vs Tics: https://ift.tt/v9JpeQm Why do some autistic people stim?: https://ift.tt/4WST6gQ DSM-5: https://ift.tt/makdzu2 Not A Mental Illness: https://ift.tt/y5VZr9l Number of Undiagnosed Autistic People: https://ift.tt/C3z4J6d Autism Identity and the Lost Generation: https://ift.tt/E7hzpUY Development and Validation of a Novel Self-Report Measure of Monotropism in Autistic and Non-Autistic People: The Monotropism Questionnaire: https://osf.io/ft73y/ “It feels like holding back something you need to say”: Autistic and Non-Autistic Adults accounts of sensory experiences and stimming: https://ift.tt/8X0iqW4 00:00 The most Ableist place? 00:30 You have BPD, actually. 05:05 You don't understand stimming is, sir 12:00 Self-diagnosis is pushing back mental health care? 19:53 RUN away from this Dr 20:27 When self-diagnosis is NOT valid 📖 *Books I'd Recommend about Autism 📖 : Aspergirls by Rudy Simone: https://amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry): https://amzn.to/40fKx2m Unmasking Autism by Devon Price: https://amzn.to/3LhMV3j *These are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you; any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment! DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional. via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms7NOHAZ-Vk

[http-handong]

pinned post?? pinned post.

hello! I'm Eleanor/Ellie/Elle/any other nicknames you can think of that I like! I use they/she pronouns, although I do present as mainly femme!

quick facts:

• I have autism and am working to learn how to unmask and like, be whoever I am underneath that! I have special interests in: psychology, sociology, kpop (dreamcatcher specifically), writing, fantasy novels (sjm and leigh bardugo), fnaf, video games (bg3 right now) and history. I like talking about all this, please talk to me.

I also use tone tags about 50% of the time and ask they be used with me, but can and will use them more especially with people who specify they need/want them!

• I also have ADHD, combined type and am unmedicated. yeah yeah

• I am 18, in college for a sociology degree and moving to Europe in about 12-15 months

• I have a lot of mental and physical health issues, including (but not limited to): anxiety, depression, c-ptsd, chronic pain, pots, daily headaches, frequent migraines and potential borderline personality disorder

• I should be in therapy but my anxiety is too severe for me to make an appointment. ironic innit.

• I work at a Barnes and Nobles, it's very nice.

• I am an anarcho-communist and a registered member of the cpusa, and while I am personally a pacifist, I support the actions of oppressed people in their struggle against their oppressors and will support the revolution when/if I happens however I can outside of direct violence on my behalf. Don't like that? dni then <3

• speaking of dni- don't interact if: -14 or +25 (unless I've given permission and we know each other) if you're homophobic, xenophobic, a zionist, racist, ableist, bigot, along with basic dni criteria but also non-political/right-wing leaning/conservatives, supporter of autism speaks, trans-medicalist

as well as if you expect people to educate you rather than educating yourself (google is free), not bothered by living in a capitalist society, "everyone's a bit autistic", soojin-anti, supports kris wu or amber liu, can't hold faves accountable, refuse to call others by preferred names/respect pronouns/neos, cannot hold a nuanced and honest conversation about yourself and inherent biases, or refuses to partake in those types of conversations.

you can see my carrd for byf !!

• I am a kpop stan so some content will not be political or whatever and will be kpop based! I like dreamcatcher, billlie, loona, nmixx, gfriend, itzy, xg, and a lot of other groups you can see on my carrd

• I'm verbose !

• I make a lot of dark humor, dry/deadpan and sarcastic remarks as well as some self deprecating humor

• will use vent tags/other tags if needed if I ever post stuff like that !

• I am a writer, some content will be writing related (fics and stuff, as well as poems, essays, theories)

• I make pretty things and will also post them here

• I will accept good faith asks about things to educate and hold convos to help people on their leftist journey

• I might fluctuate between being active and being inactive, sorry

--------

if you've read all of this and still wanna follow, interact or be my friend? please do! I'm lonely ahaha

anyways that's all !! thanks for stopping by

- ellie

[lenatea]

After a hard 1st day of pride month, I understand I need to keep the fuck off twitter, Facebook and even the news. Straight terfs, gay and lesbian terfs, JKR and Norway's own proud terf-homophobe-racist-ableist-covid denier-pro russia-pro life-MAGA-Karen. Oh and fucking incels??? Coming after whoever is perceived to be remotely positive about Pride.

After the terrorist attack in Oslo targeting the LGBTQ+ community last year, the vocal online hate and active seeking out LGBTQ+ people and allies in order to harass us has severely amplified. Yesterday, a Christian couple had put a printed paper in my mailbox, damning all humans who refused to stop "whoring" and turn to God, to eternal hell - which is starting to sound like a pretty nice place, compared to the constant online surge of unmasked hate and threats of violence I've seen in the weeks leading up to pride month and then the significant ramp-up from yesterday. A children's event had to cancel because they recieved serious threats from ADULTS who thinks threatening harm to literal children is justified in order to *reads notes* protect children from the gays and trans-peeps.? I don't want this to make sense. I don't want it to be real. Two years ago, I joined the comment sections, I didn't want the terfs and anti-pride movement to win. That resulted in an online extremist hateblog doxxing me and calling their followers to harass me on Facebook. I had to change my name on Facebook in order to protect my family, and still haven't changed it back. The entire month of June, plus the rest of the summer, I had constant anxiety. The next year I put up my pride flag on our house and had to work hard to calm my anxiety for the entire month because I was scared. I managed to have fun at pride but the online hate was getting less conceiled. This year I'm not even putting up my flag and I'm having to severely restrict the news and social media I'm using because I'm already experiencing anxiety attacks very frequently because of this.

Work has been really stressful lately, but it doesn't involve hate crimes, at least. I feel safe with my colleagues.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to take my family to the local pride parade but I'm struggling. I should probably just go and have fun, but all the stress from work plus the insane stress I've experienced because of the online hate and threats that's literally anywhere I turn my head, I feel exhausted just thinking about going. This is bullshit.

Browsing the Happy Pride tag on tumblr gives me life, though. It's so comforting because on here, theres so much POSITIVE and just reminding of how much I enjoy the celebration part of pride month!

[buriedinleather]

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone? ( @ Soap)

cw for mentions of slurs, homophobia, ableism ( I don't want to hear any bitching, btw, these are all things I have experienced, too! )

For Soap, the worst thing he could possibly hear is that he's too loud / too much. Johnny's got ADHD and, for a large part of his life, he went untreated. He spent most of his childhood and teenage years feeling absolutely alienated - class clown to cope because, hey, if he was loud and funny that at least got him some positive attention.

It didn't help that Soap was very, very closeted until his later teenage years as well. His parents were actually fairly supportive, but kids are mean and he was very aware of that. ( How many times did Soap hear slurs used to describe people as weak? Hundreds of times too many, really. )

Soap may be 'joked' about in fandom as one of the 'dumber' characters ( and let's be honest, the lot of folks that do that are really ableist ), but let's be real - any sort of comic relief he offers is a survival mechanism that is equal parts habit and choice.

Soap manages his ADHD with medication and accommodations ( behind closed doors ), but it comes at cost - cPTSD, major depressive disorder, etc - Soap comes off as a happy-go-lucky guy. And, well, he is on good days.

And on bad days, he masks more.

But it hurts most when the people he loves most tell him he's being too much, too loud, etc...mostly because he likes to think the people that love him would want to see him unmasked.

And if they don't want to see him unmasked then, well, did they ever love him at all?

[roxtron]

came across this post again and now i wanna ramble too because like, yes everything 100% lmao. I'll go point by point here because I actually am probably gonna have a lot to say about the stuff talked about in this post so I'll start with the easiest, gay representation. I find it annoying when people act like you have to include things like racism and homophobia into your fictional world because it's "not realistic" and although yes, there was absolutely discussion of discrimination in this movie!! I also appreciated the fact that Ambrosius and Ballister didn't have to be the target of it for their relationship in order to get the point across- Like, yes, there were still themes of discrimination and whatnot, but (as far as I could tell) none of it had anything to do with their sexuality. (And keep in mind that's the main subject here, racism and homophobia earlier was an example of discrimination some people deem 'necessary', and thus is a separate topic from analyzing Ambrosius and Ballister.) Generally it's nice to be able to have characters just be without it needing to serve a purpose to homophobes, y'know? Kinda like how people talk about wanting more autistic representation without it giving a message to autism moms/generally non-autistic people, which I agree with obviously lol.

I think stories that do talk about discrimination are absolutely important and do help to show what struggles people can face- But I have to say I feel like those are generally, typically- Usually for people who aren't a part of the group being discriminated against, so they can empathize with them. It doesn't do much for the group being represented, and in some cases can make it worse by representing stereotypes in the process. (The fact I have more than one example of that happening is.. yikes.) But yeah I just really like it when there isn't a 'purpose' to a character being gay or whatever. They can just be. I think that's why I enjoy the LGBT+ representation in the She-ra reboot so much lol. (Ironically, the person who wrote Nimona (the original idk if they had involvement in the movie?) also worked on She-ra.)

If you can't tell, yeah, I talk a LOT. Sorry! But as someone who's already sort of grown/matured (Not sure how to phrase it) to the point of starting to accept being myself and just saying like, fuck anyone who dislikes me for who I really am.. Even though I didn't need to be told that message, it was still refreshing and reassuring to see it sort of represented in a positive way here. Without Nimona being viewed (intentionally, by the audience at least) as a bad person for those traits, they're just sort of quirks about her personality. I identify this most with my autistic traits personally so I can't speak much for other viewpoints on this mindset, but it really is more freeing to unmask and call out the people who would get annoyed at you for the way you act when you do. If you need to research the topics and shove it in their face: do it. Just because they may not understand they're being ableist doesn't mean you should let them, and if you feel like something isn't your fault when everyone tells you it is, maybe research if it has anything to do with being neurodivergent. That's one of the best things about diagnosis is being able to understand yourself more, why you do the things you do and why other people can be (accidental or otherwise) assholes for treating you like that for something you can't control.

Annd back to general media analysis here- I'm not usually the type of person who's able to get invested in movies alone. There's simply not enough time to get me to care deeply about these characters, no matter how good the movie is, how well the characters are presented, I can never care as deeply for movie characters as I can for characters with some kind of series behind them. The screentime and the context is important, and (for my investment) Movies don't tend to have enough time to flesh all of that out without feeling squished or cluttered. Like there's too much at once. And, again, this is just how I'm able to experience movies, that doesn't mean I think movies are a worse medium or anything like that, just that they're a more difficult medium for me to get invested in without any other content behind it. And for those who don't care- Don't worry I'm going somewhere with this lol.

I can't say this is one of those movies that blew me away as again it's difficult for even the best movies to get me invested- But I have to admit I was a lot more invested than normal! I read the novel as a kid but I didn't remember the plot so I couldn't really get spoilered, I think as a kid the vague ending just confused me anyway and I ended up forgetting about it. I expected this movie to be good, but I didn't think it'd be as amazing as it was. The comedy was great, I don't usually laugh at media often without making my own jokes but I was definitely having a good time watching some of these scenes lol. Of course the story still held that emotional weight, and I'm shocked they were able to balance the two so well (in my opinion.) Some people may not appreciate the clash, but I think it's impressive. Some movies try to balance comedy with a serious situation and it just ends up feeling forced and really kills the vibe of the scene, but I think it worked really well here honestly! It's not so much of a ''this is a serious movie with some comedic scenes'' or the opposite- It's more of "this is a fun, silly movie, AND it's still serious, meant to be taken seriously, and has a strong emotional core that doesn't feel separate from the more positive tone in the comedic scenes."

Annd I wanna talk about Ballister and Ambrosius' dynamic again lol- At the very least from the media I consume, this kind of dynamic is very uncommon, so it's always nice to see, but I love the way they represented it. From the pieces of the novel I've seen posted, and from what I remember, I feel like their old versions were more former lovers that have gone too far, and likely wouldn't be able to have a healthy relationship again after this- Whereas the movie keeps it as a constant point in their dynamic. They used to love each other, and they still do. When they have to face off it's made very clear neither of them want to, but they do what they think is necessary. I think the unique plot kind of helps with this honestly, it can't be just a basic "the person I loved is now a villain" because he isn't. He didn't do what he's accused of and is simply forced into accepting the role given to him. Even Ambrosius could be viewed as a villain for continuing to side with the government and not giving Ballister enough of a chance to listen to him or believe that he didn't do this. But at the end of the day the story's still successfully able to present that neither of them are. They're just doing what they can, and what they think is right during the insane situation they've been forced into, and likely haven't had enough time to properly process. Honestly? I think that was a great move, because at least Movie-Ambrosius, I think if he had more time to process he might've been able to consider Ballister's perspective, and might've listened, eventually sided with him. The complexity of it all is just overall really well represented, honestly. I've always loved writing like that where you can understand both characters sides. You might not like the character, you might still think they're a bad person, but you can never truly call them a villain.

I thought I had more to talk about but honestly y'all are probably glad I didn't LMFAO, I'm sorry, to anyone who read this thank you I know it was long bakdbhfkfbksskd- I like talking about stuff like this and it's kinda nice I can do it here, just. boop. type an essay worth of analysis, dump it out and have at least one person read it lol. I think that's it for now so, again, anyone who got this far, thank you.

NIMONA SPOILER RANT!!!

Soooooo I watched it a bit ago and OH MY GOD???????

The way they gave nimona a more pear shaped body as a kid really meant a lot to me, u don’t see that many kids like that in media, and as a child it felt like because I wasn’t like kids on tv i took up more space than I was supposed to (the good old “why do my thighs look like that when I sit” and “why are my shoulders wider” and ofc! The “why isn’t my face as thin as them?”) IDK I HAVENT SEEN LOTS OF PPL POINT IT OUT BUT IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME??????

Altho Merida rlly helped me out w that but kids are still rude!

Bal also put out so many questions, like why do we feel we need to prove ourselves to other people? And why does it tend to take up a bigger seat than our morale? And the way it started to erode off his character was so realistic I feel also because they were so throughout with it, they didn’t just show the viewer “love urself” they actually DEMONSTRATED how that position FEELS

It felt like it was happening to YOU

And I really love they made a character gay without making it a CONFLICT, it feels like whenever people try to make movies about queerness, they can get lost in the homophobia and conflicting gay identity, and it can sometimes overshadow over the characters themselves (their intentions, feelings, etc replaced by labels and social customs so much that the character is just lost), and in the end of it, it leaves me super unsatisfied because I never KNEW who this was even about!!!

But here yes it was a plot point, but the characters felt real, like they actually loved each other, it made this conflict between feeling like one has to choose just a million times more important

I CARED about what happened to these characters

I feel that a part of that is how they made goldenloin the screentime of him regretting what he was going to bal, like u saw the raw, unresolved conflicts in his eyes every time he cornered him and ofc the “im fine, commander” scene REALLY just completes it all

If this movie was around when I was a child, I think it would’ve saved me a lot of heartache and maybe would’ve made me feel a bit better about being “too much”

And a lot more if I saw it when I didn’t know what my identity was (fun fact- I still dunno!)

And THE ANIMATION. THE ANIMATION. THE ANIMATION.

Ima just say- I’ve never seen characters melt onto each other that well, and even LESS in 3D ANIMATION??????

Also nimona’s unapologetic feral energy and how it both brings her up and throws her down- I just discovered a lot of myself in her and idk i guess I’m trying to be kinder to myself and ruder to those who aren’t kind to me (??)

I’m still figuring it out lol

[aspd-culture]

is it an aspd thing to struggle to read (and care about) other people's feelings?

im not incapable, but honestly, reading other people's feelings/emotions takes a lot of effort and the majority of the time i dont care enough to even try. today my friend called me a psychopath and told me i am "ruining the vibe and flow" because other people's moods/feelings dont have much of an effect on me (other than that i often feel distressed or annoyed by other's expectations that i will respond to their emotions).

i almost feel like everyone else is trying to manipulate me by expecting me to read into their voices, faces, gestures, etc. instead of just saying what theyre thinking/feeling. it seems kinda like im socially expected to try to read/understand other people's emotions but honestly Its Dumb And I Dont Want To. i only try to do it for this specific friend because it benefits me to keep him around.

sorry for the ramble lmao, just looking to see if you/anyone relates and/or if this is an aspd thing

It most certainly is. This is a lack of empathy (specifically affective empathy) which is part of ASPD criteria. Prosocials (aka people without ASPD/the vast majority of the population) are mostly able to read and in fact are affected by other people's emotions by instinct. They don't need to do any work or think about it the way we do (using cognitive empathy and memorizing presentations of emotions), it just happens naturally.

While it is not our fault we can't read them by instinct, it is abnormal to them and, therefore, often causes problems between prosocial and antisocial people. They don't see it as work, their brain just does it, so they think we are intentionally disregarding their emotions.

Part of the process of understanding and accepting your ASPD is finding people you can unmask with. Yes, faking affective empathy by constantly reading everyone's emotions is a type of masking, and it does cause burnout if you do it too frequently or for too long without breaks. There are people who will be understanding and non-judgemental about it, you just need to find them. It's worth mentioning that you don't have to come out as having ASPD to talk about this issue, as decreased empathy is also a symptom of multiple other disorders - most frequently, it can be present in autism - so if they wouldn't be accepting you can approach it without discussing ASPD directly.

If, even after it's understood that this is something you cannot control, ableist terms like the one you mentioned are still being thrown at you and these people aren't understanding, then they aren't truly your friends. Friends don't distress others' mental health until they burn out just to make themselves comfortable. It may very well be necessary to decrease or entirely remove these people's place in your life.

Of course, it is your life and you should make decisions based on what you want and how you feel about the situation. I'm not any sort of authority, this is just my advice, so ymmv. Good luck, regardless of what you choose to do about the situation.

[thatlavenderblue]

So I am autistic and even though my autism (and especially the fact that I wasn't diagnosed as a child) had a big impact on my life, I don't really feel disabled. I have sensory issues but I can still function with them. I miss social cues and sometimes people get offended but I'm also very sensitive so I make sure that everyone feels okay so they aren't mad at me. I need to have very detailed explanations to understand things and I need to be guided when trying new things but people have always helped me when I was in need. I have executive dysfonction but people always cared for me and helped me get things done if needed. So I don't really feel disabled.

What I do feel though is restricted. Because of the ableist representation of autistic people in mediass my parents never noticed my autism which was obvious. I never had access to a diagnosis or accommodations. I grew up always restricting myself, never asking for help, never asking for what I need and never doing what I wanted to do because I knew I wasn't ''normal'' and I desperately wanted to fit in.

Even now, knowing that I am autistic and using accommodations, I still feel restricted. I'm still too embarrassed to infodump about my special interests to my ND friends even though I NEED to as a way to regulate myself. I'm too embarrassed to ask for help when I can't do something because of executive dysfonction. I'm too embarrassed to stim in public. I'm too embarrassed to tell new people that I am autistic. I'm scared that they'll think I'm weird, I don't want to annoy them.

I feel restricted by the way I was raised: in an ableist society where '' autism'' is almost a bad word. Growing up, the only representation of autistic people were played and written by neurotypicals. I felt like I should feel sorry for autistics. I am trying to free myself from internalised ableism, but it will take time.

I hope everyone is having a great day! Don't forget to unmask as soon as you're in a comfortable environment that allows you to<3