#like I do things just because I feel like it and I hate it sm when the meaning changes like huuuhhhhh
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if i see one more ford hate post on my tl im genuinely going to go insane
YES hes a dick but a) hes a fictional character b) he CHANGES and DEVELOPS and REDEEMS HIMSELF BY THE END OF THE SERIES and c) ITS COOL THAT HE HAS AN EGO. ITS COOL
and also im starting to lose interest in fiddlestan because at this point its becoming clear that people only ship it because they dont like ford and they think that fidds doesnt deserve him AS IF THE CONFLICT ISNT THE APPEAL OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP??? AS IF IT ISNT THE POINT??? AND AS IF THEIR RECONCILIATION BY THE END OF THE STORY ISNT A PERFECT ENDING TO FORDS ARC im gonna bite someone i swear.
look someone on twitter said that āsome fiddlestan shippers are just fiddauthor shippers in disguiseā and its PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF because IM SORRY DO YOU GUYS NOT SHIP CHARACTERS BECAUSE YOUāRE INTERESTED IN DIFFERENT RELATED CHARACTER DYNAMICS?? WHAT ARE YOU JUST HERE FOR THE LOVEY DOVEY SHIT??? the REASON why fiddlestan is INTERESTING TO ME in the FIRST PLACE is because it elaborates on both of these characters with respect to their relationships to ford!!! thereās nothing wrong with the fact that theyre connected to him!!! these arent real people, these are characters that act as vehicles to explores messages in stories!!! of COURSE i only ship fiddlestan in relation to fiddauthor, why would i cut ford out here completely when itās SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING TO RECOGNISE THEIR COMPLEX DYNAMICS IN RELATION TO HIM???
and i hear people going like āoh well i just wanna see fiddleford happy!!ā and im like. but without the conflict. like who is he. some twink you can just mold however you want?? without his Flaws and his Complex Relationships with his family and ford and his eventual descent into madness What are you Seeing in him?? not to mention the fact that i dont think stan would treat him better anyways lol
and also im getting the vibe that the reason a lot of people ship fiddlestan nowadays is because people like. dislike ford?? and i said this just now but like hes genuinely such an interesting character as well and it makes me sad to see that the only people who appreciate his character idolise him without seeing his flaws and literally everyone else just hates him like YALL TALK SHIT ABT LIKING MORALLY GREY CHARACTERS BUT WHEN A CHARACTER ACTUALLY IS MORALLY GREY YOU TURN AROUND AND GO LIKE āehhhhhā like COME ON PLEASE YOU HAVE TO SEE THE VISION FORD IS STILL COOL AND IM GONNA DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE
its actually kinda pissing me off the amount of fluffy characterisation fiddlestan gets within the fandom, at the expense of ford, bc oh my fucking godddd PLEASEEE CAN WE HAVE THE ERA WHEN I FIRST DISCOVERED FIDDLESTAN BACKKK BECAUSE THE CONTENT THEN WAS SO FUCKING GOOD
#gravity falls#fiddlestan#fiddauthor#stanford pines#only tagging him bc this post is mainly abt him#ive been keeping my silence abt this for a while now but after seeing that post i think ive had enough#im a full on stanford pines (as a character) defender and ill fight against his haters fr#hes FLAWED and hes INTERESTING and his relationship with bill is REPRESENTATIVE OF HIS EGO DOWNFALLS#and yet no one gets him like i doā¦ no oneā¦#i dont necessarily hate fiddlestan#but im beginning to a little bit now#i hope this post resonates with at least someone out there#because i feel like im going insane alone abt this#okay and last thing weāre all in a fandom for fun right#this is no hate to anyone who enjoys fiddlestan fluff#just please. pleaseeee dont do make it bc you hate ford or sm shit#actually i cant tell you what to do#this post was for my own peace#goodbye
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do you think vinh was actually in love with safi? i know he starts doubting that he ever was in chapter 5, but if he wasnāt actually in love what do you think his true feelings for her were? emotional attachment maybe? on safiās side, i think itās interesting how even after knowing about vinhās statement about maya she still decides to hook up with him for a time (only to eventually stop sometime prior to the game?? maybe they had another falling out idk). their relationship in general is just very fascinating to me lmao.
god, the safi-vinh dynamic is certainly one filled with intrigue because of all the intense emotions attached to the people within it ; aimed at each other and also at the bystanders whom haunted around their not so defined relationship. thereās just so much baggage attached to them, you know? mostly painful things and a general sense of betrayal or regret, creating a potion of this general wishy washy bullshit thatās hard to parse through ā¦ more so in safiās case than vinhās, but iāll touch upon that later! as for your question about vinh and his true feelings, well.
maybe he was in love with safi once upon a time. maybe the fact he believed that he was in love with her is really all that matters. i suppose it depends on what your definition of romantic love and utter devotion is. itās undeniable he cared fiercely for safi, enough so to become jealous of max ( safiās object of obsession ), swear off serious relationships in hope sheād want him back, and to engage in a general meddling within her life to make sure she comes out of situations as unscathed as possible. i mean, he schemes to steal a cow skull and then proceeds to throw it through her windshield in an attempt to save yasminās and safiās relationship ā¦ it is very extra of him to do, in fact itās a literal crime, and the game has both max and safi acknowledge the intensity of said action in episode four. we see the memory of the hedgehog he proudly displays on his desk, the carelessness in which safi treats it, her āiāll buy you another one if it breaksā, and how vinh simpers beneath that offer because he doenāt want a new one, he wants this one, the one safi gave him : a gift that was likely unprompted, some sort of surprise maybe, given to him on a whim and cherished better than any other possession he owns. we also see how he breaks it when she dies. then thereās photos upon photos of safi on his phone and itās implied he takes pictures after they sleep together and -- that isnāt even touching upon how he practically gives up on himself after her death. the mask drops, he starts trying to branch out and find acting gigs elsewhere, wanting to leave caledon forever, and thereās a sense of raw anger and loneliness he feels when sheās gone. he stops hooking up and pushes everyone away besides max, whom he clings to, and itās a lot, right? thereās love there. obsession, probably. in many ways heās still the āpuppyā following safi around like gwen said, only without maya this time. he waits and stews and he wants, certainly, for her to love him ā¦ but was it purely romantic love? whoās to say!
i think vinh wanted safi as his girlfriend before, maybe when things werenāt so tense, and he still believed that fiercely even when he stopped wanting it. i donāt think he knew where his feelings started to dwindle into something less excited and more resigned, or when he started looking for someone else. his priority remained with safi and with yasmin and thus there wasnāt a lot of time to dissect his heart, a rather vulnerable act he already struggles with anyway. heās a repressive sort of man. he doesnāt do a lot of introspection because he has an act to maintain, a reputation to follow. but i do believe that by the time double exposure takes place, vinhās love for safi has indeed shifted because his attraction to max veers on something that isnāt purely sexual. there is an undeniable interest, both in dead and living world, that heās either embracing or squirming away from ā¦ i do not think vinh had many crushes at all when he was in love with safi. i donāt think he allowed himself that luxury, because he didnāt want to move on from her, or put himself off the market in case she wanted him again, in bed or in some profound, loving sense. lots of waiting. lots of surrendering, āsheāll come around, weāll make upā, and hoping despite himself. so his romance with max proves to me that vinh is somewhat right in saying āor i thought i wasā when talking about safi and being in love with her, because he was before, but he isnāt exactly in love with her now, if that makes sense? iād say an emotional attachment is a good title for what they have by the time of the games events.
( i do not wish to diminish vinhās feelings, but i also think thereās a case to be made that he was rather desperate when he thought himself in love with safi ; there was a lot of insecurity within him back when he was a student, weighed down by the fact he was poor and not your standard run-of-the-mill white man ā¦ as an adult he scoffs at his acting abilities and wields his power as head of abraxas with a rather tight fist, as though itās the only control heās ever had before. itās rather clear his only two friends were safi and maya and that vinh hasnāt had any since them -- was desperate to stay on their heels despite the fact he was never really apart of whatever they had. itās not a stretch to speculate that vinh was, perhaps, a cocktail mix of loneliness and desperation rather than strictly in love with safi. maybe confused his all-consuming need to be around her as desire, or maybe just enjoyed feeling wanted by safi enough to mix his wires. after all, why was it safi he was in love with and not maya? vinh also uses sex as a means of coping, as seen by his rather active sex life in game via hookup apps and reggie, so maybe his sex with safi was just that. coping. in itās own way. regardless, he did love her, or so he thinks so, and to me i think thatās enough, speculation aside )
safiyaās side of things is much more difficult than vinhās, who is more obvious about his feelings towards her than he thinks he is. there are some brief contradictions, like how itās stated that safi doesnāt care for vinh ( which is true ) and yet she also acknowledges that when she split apart and lost herself, all that was left of her was moses, lucas, gwen, and vinh. we know that moses and gwen matter to safi, or mattered, and that at one point safi mightāve admired lucas ā¦ so where does that leave vinh? if she doesnāt hate him like gwen or lucas now, and if she doesnāt cherish him like moses or max, why is he still apart of her? what does that mean? is it just a metaphor for their times with maya, and how safi will always be connected to that past with vinh because of her love for the caledonās personal dead girl? was her sleeping with vinh about maya too? or did she actually care for vinh once, albeit weakly and casually, and did that fleeting moment of affection count when she vanished into everyone whoās ever thoroughly affected her life? and, as you said, itās so fascinating that she hooks up with vinh at all post maya death ā¦ it feels strange and odd and unlike her. even in their intimate picture together after fooling around she is nothing but angry, disinterested, her underwear and bra are already back on ( if they were ever off at all? ) and while thatās on account of safi just hating photos, i also think itās a testament to how irritable she finds vinhās presence when stuck in it. itās not a happy photo really, even vinhās expression is a little red-eyed, forced, like he was likely wasted the night prior. i wouldnāt be surprised if safi was only able to be with vinh if she was ā¦ you know ā¦ literally out of her mind drunk or high or what have you.
though, thatās just speculation of course. my vague take on things is that safi went to vinh whenever she was partied out or if she was feeling particularly destructive that day ; choked with self loathing over her mom or maya and so sex with vinh was a means for her to feel even worse. some sort of self harm, some sort of outlet where she could be particularly cruel and evil without consequence, because vinh would take it and roll over -- could even be her way of controlling things too, like vinh with abraxas, because we know vinh has no issues with being led around in the bedroom, so thatās some food for thought. i donāt think she thinks about it after or remembers it much ā¦ she really doesnāt think about vinh unless it suits her or if she needs to. i always notice how, in episode four, safiya immediately knows what max is talking about when she asks if safiās ever transformed into amanda, gwen, or lucas. she owns up immediately, confesses, and understands intimately what situation max is referring to. but when max asks about vinh and the phone, there is a brief moment where safi just stares blankly at her -- like sheās thinking about it, like she doesnāt even remember, before it finally clicks after a beat. either she wears vinhās metaphorical skin a lot ( which, to be fair, she does pretend to be vinh a lot in game ) or she literally thinks of him so little sheāll forget everything about him in minutes. both are likely! she doesnāt even recall what type of alcohol he likes, calling it bougie japanese brandy āor whateverā ā¦ and canāt be assed to remember his phoneās pin number exactly, only vague details about a magician scientist that she clearly thought was boring and lame when vinh told her said story, if her hostility and complete forgetfulness is anything to go by. for me, itās easy to get caught up in a āsafi did care! she had to!ā angle about vinh, although the game repeatedly shows you over and over again that she does not. she doesnāt even care that max kissed him really, if anything, sheās more jealous of vinh being with max given some of her remarks :
( i know, technically, safiās ācome again?ā is more nervous than jealous per se ā¦ but there is a certain air to it, especially given the āi can be your new boyfriendā comment as seen above lol. if she loves max and doesnāt care for vinh, i can only imagine how sheād feel about their romance in particular! )
and, of course, thereās that part in episode four where safi can disguise herself as vinh in order to tear lucas a new one. i enjoy that part for many reasons! seeing how safi feels so much more comfortable in someone elseās skin than her own is fascinating and makes for good foreshadowing ā¦ but there is also the reveal of her opinions on vinh, unabashed and shameless, when she is finally giving him an ounce of thought :
itās interesting! she doesnāt care for him, really, doesnāt loathe him like lucas or gwen or her own mother, but thereās a level of vitriol regardless. she thinks him fake. she thinks him a coward. she thinks heās scared of facing consequences and that he only acts in his own self interest and she hates every bit of that. while safi can confess to doing maya wrong and hating herself for it, she never allows vinh that same courtesy. even says as much to max, claiming that only she had the humanity to regret her choice while vinh apparently didnāt. and yet ā¦ she doesnāt hate him? doesnāt feel strongly towards him? heās still apart of her, a large part, and she can get along with him fine on crosstalk if she so pleases and she can hate his guts but, when the raw truth is revealed, she apparently feels nothing towards him at all? it is fascinating to think about is all. how she doesnāt wish him dead but doesnāt care if heās alive either despite everything theyāve been through, even though she hates gwen and lucas and her mother more. itās rather mean, though thatās what makes it so complex and interesting. it shows that safi only ever cares ( and oh, does she care fiercely, obsessively ) for a very slim group of people, and that when push comes to shove, everyone else can fend for themselves for all she cares. she would protect moses and max in a heartbeat, without thought, and the piece of her within them tries valiantly to keep them safe by locking them away from the world ( another thing to dissect, certainly! ), but she doesnāt really extend such empathy towards the innocents caught in her crossfire. she may be tormenting lucas and gwen specifically, but everyone else was going to be collateral damage and safi was fine with that. at least a little bit. vinh falls in that category of inevitable damage, i think, despite their closeness and despite their history, and you can tell thatās what really wounds him at the end of things. safi couldnāt even torment him, didnāt have the want or energy to do so, he was valiantly apart of her and safi didnāt even care about that. very interesting! itās also heartbreaking in many ways to see two people who shouldāve been able to lean on each other, who shouldāve loved one another, be nothing but strangers at the end of things. an example of how tragedy doesnāt always bring people closer. sometimes it drives you worlds apart from the one you should be grieving with, which can be seen in other life is strange games, most notably with chloe and joyce, i think.
anyway! tldr : itās complicated and worth exploring. there are many ways you can interpret their relationship and i highly encourage everyone to find what angle is most interesting to them! and i donāt blame you for finding their dynamic fascinating because itās easily one of my favorites in double exposure ā¦ i donāt think of it often, but itās always lingering in the back of my mind. regardless, i hope this word vomit is helpful! if i brought up more questions than answers, i do apologize. but thank you so much for such a fun question <3 it was an absolute blast, and tickled my brain enough to pump this out asap.
#my asks.#life is strange double exposure#vinh lang#safiya llewellyn fayyad#ohhhh these two. THESE TWO!!!! i genuinely have no clue whatās going on with them#but thereās a palpable sense of pain no matter how you swing their dynamic and i love it#lots of yearning and dismissal and an ache you know? hate. betrayal. love. obsession ā¦#you could name the feelings between them but putting an actual label on things is whatās most difficult#which. ironically. fits their relationship in its entirety haha#many thoughts and feelings ā i just hope this captures even a sliver of them anon!!!#i will also say i tentatively think safi and vinh slept together before mayaās death at LEAST one time#because that makes sense as to why safi would be more inclined to do it again. even after#i also think she stopped after max came into the picture. as vinh words it āshe was obsessedā with max#and never stopped talking about her ā¦ so i think she stopped with vinh entirely. sheās so far up maxās ass she stops having time for him#or something like that. lol#ANYWAY! i do think vinh loved safi and i do think four years ago safi at least cared for vinh#but she certainly doesnāt anymore. and though heāll always love her i donāt think itās romantic anymore either#thatās my take!!! as bland as can be!!!!#thank you sm again !!!
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āPeter Lukas gets sent back to the regency eraā āJonathan Sims gets sent back to the regency eraā valid points valid points but i raise you
Tim Stoker gets sent back to the regency era
#Timelias#guys cāmon it would be sooo fun#Tim would probably *hate* Elias. Maybe try to take the circus down sooner since#the Grimaldi was first like a thing in the very early 1800s so it could be possible for Tim to just kill Nikola on sight#And I bet Jonah would be so fascinated by him. Like oh my god this man 1) is probably from the future 2) Is HOT AS FUCK 3) has sooo much#knowledge about the fears and FOUR) Can apparently kill the things?? and is confident while doing so??#Jonah would love him sm#Also while I donāt think Jon or Peter could fix him I firmly believe that Tim 100% could#Like Iām pretty sure it was actually tweeted once that Tim couldāve redeemed Elias by fucking him nasty#but fr though I do think Tim would actually stop him from becoming as bad as he did because while Jon is passive in the voyeuristic sense an#d also and avatar and peter just couldnāt care less about stopping bad things Tim is wholey human and still dedicating himself to taking#action against the fears and *succeeding* and since I think a lot of Jonah magnusās less than ideal actions stemmed from his feelings of#helplessness in a world out to get him I think that would be a great anchor for him.#Also Iām just super soft for any kind of Timelias sooo <333#Elias Bouchard#Jonah Magnus#TMA#Tim Stoker#oh also Tim was canonically fascinated by Robert Smirke so heād probably have some knowledge about the 1700-1800s through osmosis gotten#while researching#the magnus archives
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#I'm sorry I'm behind on asks I feel like it never fucking ends#can't talk to family about it. they worry too much. cant talk to friends about it. they just start giving unwarranted (well meaning) advice#and plus they basically live with me atp with how often they're over helping me fuck do I do?? bother them more??#dude it's embaressing even if it's not chronic shit it's just unlucky shit like how u gonna have an allergic reaction & then seizure same d#idk about therapy therapists scare me. it's not a therapy issue though I'm just tired and in pain all the fucking time#one more person says āsame omgā or āwell have you tried-ā i will start cutting peoples throat and eating their livers#you do NOT know what it's like having to write your own will before 30 like this shit aint right shit aint fair#makes me petty and shit too people who are healthy like can you just fucking suffer why do you get that freedom but not me#it just never ends#like I really fucking hate it when people say āoh you have so much to live forā because no I don't#Not so sound like a right winger gosh dang god fearer but like deadass people focus so heavily on āmental health!!ā they don't#realize even if you feel better and get therapy or shit that's not gonna be realistically helpful for anything physical going on in sm#it's a cycle even if you manage 1 thing - the medications cause a 2nd thing#and that's alongside all the OTHER things you take medications for which cause all those other things#it's like multiplying and makes your body slowly deplete but like never quite die. like I know realistically I can just die anyday#and yeah it is getting worse but it's no different because it's not about that#when you're sick it's not just āOMG DYING!!!ā it's like. everything else in your life dies.#you can't cook for yourself. you can't clean. you can't move. you can't hang out with people anymore. you can barely work LMFAO.#I'm REALLY close to quitting it's not even funny lmao. cant put clothes on without struggling.#do people not know it's. physically impossible. to even eat sometimes. just vomit it all up or seize.#yeah it does make me petty#rant
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Oh brother
#I hate white people sm but especially Wiggaās who think they can say whatever they want just because they have a black family and#ātalk blackā#and black ppl are always giving these people passes because of the black family thing and the āthey grew up in the hoodā as if that means#anything#uhhhhh!!!!#Iām tired of black ppl constantly being okay with this and other black ppl policing ones who speak out about stuff like this#Shannon sharpe is also a coon so what else is new#rambling#I wouldnāt feel okay having my white and nb friends talking like this around me as a black person man why do sm black ppl simply not care#at all and donāt see stuff like this as weird regardless of how long the white or nbs been around black people or the culture in general#I donāt even hate the Gary Owenās dude but still man#why do black people always have to look the other way when nbs and whites get too comfortable enough to say anything like this#there are always black folks there to police OTHER black ppl for being put off by stuff like thisā¦#thatās why the ātheyāre invited to the bbqā jokes have literally never been funny to me#the āthey can say nigga theyāve earned it lolā black people make me sick
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#holidays have not been what i hoped for so far šš#well the first week was good but then i got sick š#and it's been so awful#having a cough is literally the worst i couldn't sleep it was so bad#and i couldn't even enjoy doing anything really because you can't properly focus on the thing bc ur coughing non stop#i hate it sm#and today it was gone all day only that now it is back altough not as bad as before but still#it always gets worse in the evening#like help i just want this to end#what made it even worse i had real plans to study and now i barely got anything done šš#and now i'm scared for exams bc i couldn't follow the plan altough i still have more than 2 and 3 weeks left#in my mind i already think i'm gonna do badly bc i need to study more i'm afraid#and i'm also upset at myself even though it's not my fault i got sick but i keep thinking i still could have done more ughh#to make it even worse i coudn't play tennis for a whole week and i was so looking forward to playing everyday (and improving) š¢š¢#i couldn't do any sports or see anyone i miss it sm#i hope at least in the new year i can do stuff again š„ŗ#it was just the worst cold/flu and idk why whenever i get it it's that extreme šµāš«#or idk is it normal that you can't sleep bc of it ... i just don't wanna get sick again ever lmao it's the worst#i guess christmas was still nice it wasn't that bad then and it was a lovely day with my family :)#and our tree was really pretty this year and i'm really happy with my gifts and also those i gifted š„°#the week before was good i did play lots of tennis and i went on a christmas market with uni friend and to vienna for a trip with my mom ^^#but maybe it was too much sometimes i wonder if i do something wrong or if it is just bad luck like i did train a lot#and i played a tennis match for my club and won against a higher ranked opponent so yay š#and i played really well i feel like i once again really improved my level :)) but i did play kinda sick already so maybe that was rly badš
#maybe i should stop doing that š
but i didn't know it's gonna get this bad i just had the worst headache and sore throat#well ig i should have known but i also always feel like i have to play and i love matches and like my team needs me?#who else would have won that? i'm one of the best at my team and the others who are rly good weren't there that day so i felt responsible š
#honestly my mom possibly she is also quite good but it would have been close and i wasn't sure so i played š
#but i have done this too often by now... playing sick i really can't help myself š¤¦āāļø
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hate when i'm trying to engage with a piece of media but i can feel a Split trying to happen and it's like agh. pls don't. i guess i'll just take a step back for now and hopefully no split will happen.
#( š faun thinks )#DID posting#nobody tells u this about DID but i hate it sm#as a kid i would outright avoid some pieces of media i previously liked because of this#i didnt know what was going on i just knew it made me super uncomfortable#it's like ur minding ur own business then suddenly there r people in ur head commenting on everything ur doing#leave me alone!!!!!!! wahhhh :(#or also u can feel an alter split based off whatever thing and it's like. Embarrassing i hate hate when it happens#yes i'm aware of my sudden change in behavior no i can't control it nobody perceive me until it passes i beg you#actuallydid
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why he so mysteriousā¦
demur
#weezer#rivers cuomo#i had a bad day! well actually i looked freaking amazing and got sm compliments today sooo!! i am pretty as freaksauce.#it was fairly good but i failed my physics test :(( ā¦. itās so sadā¦ 34 percent before the curve.#34?!??? HOW???? I THOUGHT J ATE TS UP???#so yeah; insane ā¦. but itās okay because iām good at other stuff and have other things i am good at!#oh yeah so guys guys guys.#thereās this girl who i do not like and i have not liked her since freshman year; right? and sheās fairly popular; your average overachieve#ing person; BUT i always didnāt like her. she left a bad taste in my mouth and i didnāt know if i was just jealous or WHAT#BUT I HAVE REASON TO HATE JER! MY GUT WAS RIGHT!#good job lyss#sheās a homewrecker and basically likes to get w people who have partnersā¦. AND SHE WSS BEING FLIRTY W MY BF LIKE HELLO ???#who she think she is?#my bf doesnāt talk to her anymore since i said i donāt rlly like her and how she is thankfully#but my friend was talking to me in Seminar and was like āoh ya if i had a bf iād kms than let him be around her.ā is that mean ? or is it#okay since she has done that multiple times then gets defensive and hates to be called out for kt#her gf right now had cheated on her boyfriend for the girl i donāt like; and this has happened TWICE!#HELLO???#like wtfā¦. and she sends the screenshots of it when she stops talking w the person who cheated on their partner for her and starts to play#the victimā¦ like the weezer song. you canāt pay for dinner w the victim card ya.#well billy talent; but you know what i mean. so sheās playing the victim and she was saying āomgā¦. this feels so wrongā¦. but-but i love you.#stfu yn š#like holy moly. holy guac. āi donāt know how to quit youā¦ā turn off your phone ! (^^) close the app !#easy as that girl dw i got you#but for real. NOBODY LIKES JER BC SHES SO TOXIC. OMG IM SO JAPPY IM NOT ALONE ONNMY HATE TRAIN#anyways yeah. i can go more in detail for you all if anybody cares about my silly high school drama
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#Thereās this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I donāt tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because itās rlly lonely if I donāt itās still lonely and then if thereās nobody at all itās lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm Iām gonna krill myself š»š#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time Iām so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor ā¦ I canāt help but think itās all my fault ā¦ I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ā¦.#I didnāt expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone ā¦#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think Iām maybe somewhere high up on someoneās list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho Iām rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if Iāve ever been excited for Ei#Itās like Iām just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen donāt like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now itās just such a hassle to me because Iām so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. Iām so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldnāt you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when Iāve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + Iām just sick of pretending like everyone doesnāt suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when theyāre this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags š»š»š»
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I just know Cas would lose his mind if he knew what situationships and whatever the fuck is micro flirting are. I struggle to even wrap my head around the concepts. like I don't even have the energy to play mind games or follow unwritten rules of the stupid fuck ass dating world.
It's either you love me or you don't.
I just know Cas would be so confused like "why are humans making their lives hard on purpose??"
#Castiel is me im sorry#not because he's an angel#just because he's an outsider without not really being one#like he's being involved with humanity for ages and seen them do stuff but is still a stranger to so many concepts#and that's kinda what I feel like#like I hate mind games so much#and I hate doing things and it being interpreted into something it isn't#like I DIDNT REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES IN A WEEK BECAUSE I WAS BUSY TRYING NOT TO ROT#I DONT HATE YOU PLEASE#or twisting my words and intentions#like I do things just because I feel like it and I hate it sm when the meaning changes like huuuhhhhh#anyway#Cas you get me dude#he's me#sorry not sorry#and he doesn't understand sarcasm#and I can't either#like for the life of me I can't get it#idk when people r or not#and slang bro#I don't get it#and I'm 19#I know some terms but I can't keep up most of the time#or I just never use it even if I know what it is#because it feels weird in my mouth#Castiel#dean winchester#supernatural#sam winchester#spn
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eddie munson would fucking hate 50 shades of grey, don't @ me.
#in part because it shows a super abusive relationship in a positive light without questioning the relationship at All#but also#the way it shows bd sm lifestyles is fucking BAD#'oh you're feeling bad after an intense session? just ignore it. that's what a good sub would do'#fuckin hate that thing#eddie munson would beat the shit out of christian grey#for elaboration if you want it#i high key recommend the 'a lukewarm defence of 50 shades' series by folding ideas#and also#all of dominic noble's videos on the topic#also like#you aren't a bad person for reading smutty novels or smutty novels with 'toxic' dynamics or whatever#but like#there are better books for you than 50 shades#books that take the topic seriously#books that explore the topic in an interesting way#books by authors that have done their research#that don't callously ignore the fact that a lot of the content reaches into dub con territory#anyway#if we roll with the popular hc that eddie is into some kinky shit#he would fucking Hate 50 shades#but yeah#eddie munson#eddie munson hc
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argh i hate myself sm i just want it all to end LMAOO š
#this is my kind way of saying i feel like shit and i want to kms and if i end up not succeeding i will kms i hate it all sm i just need to#press game over#its so not fair no matter how much i try i still feel like shit it wont go away i hate ittttt#its kinda been like this for years tho just on and off and when i think i'm finally genuinely happy smth happens and its just like boom#and ig since i did post this i must have at least a centimeter of self worth left because its like my own way of asking for help since#i cant directly do it#i just need someone to listen but i dont know how to reach out and even then they probably wouldn't believe me or care because im always#funny and lighthearted rightt#ive tried doing things that make me happy and it does work but then it all just comes flooding back in#i also want to die but not really completely want to die ?
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I hate when everyone puts Kai into hufflepuff like guys do we legit forget that he is THE EMPEROR OF THE ENTIRE EASTERN COMMONWEALTH and with the way he is diplomatic and intelligent and so in love with a simple life and everything around him he should be a Ravenclaw
#No hate to anyone#But Kai feels sm like Luna minus the weirdness ig#But the sarcasm compensates that#Like this guy has abundance of knowledge cuz he grew up learning just law and diplomacy and probably the constitution if they have any#And Kai just going around being the dumb guy is offensive when he is my fav character#Like no he isn't the dumb guy he might be clueless at times but he is legit what 18 cut him some slack#I bet u would be even more clueless than he is if u were in his position#But still the slander is intolerable like let him the cute clueless guy but the dumb cute guy#Those are two different things#Honestly this seems like a Kai protection post#Cuz it is#he is my son#He is a somewhere between a Ravenclaw and hufflepuff true but just because u don't look for it hard enough doesn't mean u do that#Kai#tlc fandom#tlc cinder#the lunar chronicles
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i'm gonna go see the Christmas lights at the city park w my aunt n my dad today i hope that heals some of this deep fucking sadness that wont go tf away šš½
#txt#i had sm planned for yesterday and today and i just couldnt do any of it#and like. okay fine i could have tried to do somethings but i literally just did not feel like trying#obviously i didnt wake up yesterday planning on digging a grave for my dads cat that also happened to be the cat that was my main company#during some of the worst moments of my life like a decade ago. and especially not right now like tomorrows my grandmas thats passed bday#and late last month was the anniversary of not one but TWO deaths of loved ones#and now this like i just feel so overwhelmed w grief everywhere i go and its not going away and then theres all this fucking trouble w money#and my appointments and trying to get my life together. im so tired im literally so tired i just want one good day atp#i just need things to be okay again i hate how the end of the year makes me feel#and this used to be my favorite time of the year and now i just dread every second of it because it reminds me of everything thats missing
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im so sorry you got nasty asks ppl can be so vile. i love seeing you on my dash and you always have the best posts and put great stuff on my dash. ive never watched naruto but i dont mind seeing that either <3 ily i hope youre doing ok outside of ppl being terrible
They had me like this, anon...
#they tried to call me a terf and Iāll never forgive that šµāš«#all because I pointed out some antiblackness-#I donāt expect much from wp and nbs here especially lgbt white folks since theyāve been the main ones running black bloggers off for years#especially black trans and cis black women for even uttering the word#they forget that at the end of the day they are still white and can hurt us#it was just#uncomfortable for me :(#but Iām not used to being harassed so I was like š¤·š¾āāļø!#I had to delete sm messages šæ#tumblr is not a welcoming place for black bloggers so#itās never rly been but I wonāt leave until this site completely implodes (itās getting there)#one thing about lgbt whites theyāre gonna call a black blogger a transphobe for ever criticizing them ever even if theyāre trans šµāš«#I hate how common this is on here itās disgusting#all I do is post about anime and complain I donāt be bothering no one š#anon youāre so kind I rly appreciate this message šµāš«ā¤ļø!#thanks for caring lmfaoo#also#I FEEL LIKEā¦ā¦. youāll probably go crazy if you watched Naruto sorryā¦ā¦.#please donāt watch or read it everā¦ Iām begging- but the perks of reading and watching Naruto is that you get to meet Naruto and sasuke š!!!#guys of all time!!!!!!!#Iāve been trying my best to be normal about it since Iām an adult but Iā¦ sorry Iām so sorry anon Iām embarrassing#itās kind of hard to dislike something that youāve been into since you were in middle school šā¦ā¦#Iāll love Naruto forever even if it sucks lol#anonymous#tkf replies
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#for more than a decade iāve had this like. lump. in my armpit n while i hated it for aesthetic reasons itās never bothered me#if i lift my arm you can visibly see it there like a bouncy ball under my skin. imbedded in the tissue but itās never hurt#a few weeks ago it decreased in size n i was happy because of vanity reasons but about two days after it went down size wise it became sore#n then it progressed to pain like every time my arm is down n thereās pressure on the lump it hurts#n for a while now iāve been feeling ill but it was a light thing like cold symptoms but with the pain of the lump itās gotten sm worse#my bones hurt n feel heavy n my organs feel thick they feel like theyāre too large to be mine n too big to fit in my body#it hurts to breathe n breathing becomes difficult when i stand up n iāve got no appetite#n for a couple days now my dog is like. reluctant. to accept pets from me#heās still clingy n kisses a lot but he hestitates n is super gentle when he does it n heās always guarding me#he gets between me n anything even my own family now heās always guarding n herding me to my bed or the couch#heās reluctant to let me pet him n heās so stiff when i do. n when i pick him up he gets really tense n clings to me with his claws#like heās scared i canāt support him or that ill give out in someway n heāll fall n heās v gentle when taking things from him#heās just so. gentle. around me in ways he didnāt used to be it takes a lot to coax him to play with me but he doesnāt hesitate to play#with others. i told my mother n she wants to take me to the dr#but because of my mental health history i feel like ill just get told iām imagining it n wonāt be taken seriously#idk. maybe i am just nuts n it is my head n my dog is reacting to the smell of my stress n not an illness#vent post#long vent post
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