#like I am unbelievably happy for them but I feel horrible that I’m not there with them especially after they invited me

[stabthecode]

.

[m9rtality]

I don't smoke

SYNOPSIS ; You think you're inlove with a man that's inlove with another, until you meet him.

CONTENT WARNING — Angst, symbiotic relationship (not being inlove, depending on eachother for emotional stability), major character death.

GENRE — Angst

“If you need to be mean”

I smiled painfully as I watched my boyfriend with his best friend, Gojo Satoru. I knew they were in love, it was so unbelievably obvious by the way they looked at each other. I knew it’d never be the one that own his heart but I was okay with being his second place. There’s a lot of things about Gojo Satoru that I could never compare with, he’s strong and smart but also has playful aspects and his personality is one of a kind. I’ll never be Gojo so I’ll be the next best thing, or at least I’ll try to be.

I sat at the bar while Shoko flirted with the bar tender while Gojo and Suguru danced together with drinks in their hands, Suguru was smiling bright than he ever did with me, when he looked at Satoru, his Satoru I could see the overwhelming look of love in his eyes. I wish he looked at me that way, yeah he loved me but never like how he loved his soulmate, his other half. The one person he wanted the most, he couldn't have so I was what he settled for.

“Be mean to me.”

I comforted Suguru in his depressive state, when he was at his weakest I was always there for him. I promised Gojo and Shoko that I’d always be there for him, no matter what type of mental state I’m in he will always come first. I didn’t mind because I loved him, Suguru was my soulmate but I was not his, and I was okay with that. At least I think I am.

I wish I could have Suguru all to myself, but he brought home two sweet girls named Nanako and Mimiko. I loved them dearly and I thought of them as my own daughters and it was obvious that Suguru felt the same way but never actually showed it. The girls worshiped him and it was sweet of how they looked up to him.

“I can take it and put it inside of me”

I stood by my fiancee’s side, I didn't agree with his beliefs but I stood by him anyways because that’s my job as his spouse. I stood by him as he wanted to get rid of all non-sorcerers, I stood by him during that entire time because I told him no matter how evil he became I’d always be on his side. I promised the girls that no matter what their father did he was a good man and he loved them more than life itself even if he never told him that because I knew he felt that way.

I was a sorcerer so Suguru kept me alive, but I missed the man I met before we got married. I missed how happy he was even if it wasn’t because of me. I missed when he cuddled me and kissed me, even if he belonged with another he still loved me and I missed when he showed me that. He now barely even touched me, kisses were more rare than seeing him because he was always saving non-sorcerers from curses then speaking horribly about them to Nanako and Mimiko.

“If your hands need to break”

I felt my heart shatter when I heard my husband had died. I couldn’t believe what I was being told by the man my husband loved, the man my husband loved more than me telling me that my husband, my lover is dead. The man my husband would always choose over me had killed my husband for ‘the greater good’ and now here I was holding him in my arms as we cried together over the man we had an shared love for, a man we both wanted but was fated to never belong to us.

I never expected that Satoru and I would bond over the man we loved, that we’d bond over the shared pain we had after loosing him. I never expected that I’d be continuing becoming a sorcerer just because Satoru had convinced me it’d be fun and I could teach the students with him.

“More than trinkets in your room”

I never thought that I’d be okay after Suguru died, I never thought I’d be happy without him but I feel horrible to say that I’m glad I’m away from him because I’ve never felt happier. I don’t have to deal with the pressure of walking on eggshells around him because I don’t know which version of my husband I’d get, I love Suguru and he’d never hurt me but he’d yell so much and I finally feel free.

I loved my husband but I’ve never felt happier without him and that makes me hate myself, but I shouldn’t. Satoru helped me accept myself, he helped me learn how to accept Suguru’s death and not let that make me end up like him. I never thought I’d fall in love with anyone that wasn’t Suguru, but here I was catching feelings for Nanami, I went to school with him at Jujutsu high but I never spoke with him much and now here I was, giggling and laughing while Nanami and I did cleaned the messy classroom after the 1st years chaos.

“You can lean on my arm”

I leaned on Nanami’s arm after a long day of teaching. I never felt happier than I did with Nanami, I thought I was in love with Suguru but I don’t think I ever was. I think it was just a Symbiotic relationship because we may have kissed, touched each other but that was only when we were in a bad state of mind or needed emotional support.

All the times we exchanged I love yous were simply a lie because I never loved Suguru and he never loved me, but I’m happy that I got time with him. I’m happy I was in his life an he was in mine. But I’m happy I lost him because now I know what it means to be in love and be happy, I’m finally happy.

“As you break my heart”

Everything went so fast. I was on a mission with Yuuji and Nobara and now I’m laying in my sweet student’s arms while they cried for me to keep fighting, for just a little bit longer. Yuuji said he’d get help and I’d be okay, Nobara repeated that Nanami will be happy to see me again. I could tell Nobara was trying her very best to get Yuuji to accept the fact that I was dying.

“I’m so proud of you two.. You both are so strong.” I said softly as I felt my vision slowly getting blurry and fading to black.

I never would’ve thought this would be how my life turned out, but I’m glad it did. I’m glad I was the way I am and I have no regrets in my life, I just wish I could’ve seen my sweet girls one more time. I haven't seen them since Suguru’s death and I wish I could see my girls one last time.

“Mommy?..” “Mama!..”

“Nanako?.. Mimiko.. You two shouldn’t be here."

[saltydkdan]

Thoughts on Strohiem? (From Jojo)

It’s… rough. I have OPINIONS ABOUT HIM.

For those unaware, or have forgotten. This particular ask is about the character of Rudol von Stroheim from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure. A Nazi Major that is introduced in Part 2 of the series. I have always wanted a proper moment to spotlight how much I dislike this character. And not just how I dislike him as a character, but how I dislike his general inclusion in the story as well.

Listen, I LOVE this series. But even I have my limits. It’s because I love it so much that I critique aspects like this in the first place.

Warning, I’m about to word vomit about this because I’ve been DYING to talk about this somewhere.

BIG DISCLAIMER: These are my thoughts and mine alone. I know there’s a lot of… interesting anime fans out there that might disagree. I’m not here to debate on stuff like this, I don’t want to hear your contradictory thoughts on the subject. If I see a single person say I’m “virtue signaling” by saying I don’t like the Jojo Nazi character, I am going to mail you a pipe bomb (in the hit game Minecraft for Windows PCs)

Stroheim’s existence (or at least, how he currently exists in the story) is not handled all that well in my opinion. Like… not at all. I like to poke fun at it, but I genuinely think Araki fumbled the bag so hard with Stroheim and it's more and more unbelievable the more I think about it over time.

No matter how you shake it, Araki fully wrote a historically accurate Nazi character into Battle Tendency and proceeded to give him a redemption arc and make him a member of the supporting cast. Now of course, I know that Japan has a fascination with a lot of German stuff, so within that context I can kind of get why he exists in the way that he does, but it just feels weird and in bad taste.

Contextually, it makes sense. Do I like it? No. No I do not.

To address the elephant in the room, I get it. Araki really loves to write evil villain characters, and then having them be redeemed, or switch over to the hero's side after a certain point. I actually really enjoy this trope especially in Jojo! It’s one of my favorites. Especially how it’s handled in Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable.

However, writing a redemption storyline for characters like Okuyasu and Rohan is fundamentally different from writing one for Stroheim.

First and most obviously, unlike other characters, Stroheim’s whole character is based on an actual real life totalitarian extremist hate group who committed horrible atrocities across history (and still does to this day).

As if that wasn’t enough, he quite LITERALLY commits horrible atrocities ON SCREEN. Sacrificing an entire room of innocent people to Santana (the first of the Pillar Men) so that the German’s can awaken and study him in their secret lab.

Everything about Stroheim feels like it’s very intentional at the start. He is clearly set as a villain from the beginning, and it works fine. However once he self-immolates and blows himself up to destroy Santana, the story seems to continuously frame him more and more as an ally/hero from that point onward.

After he returns with his cyborg body, the fact that he’s a Nazi suddenly takes a back seat and now he’s continuously just framed as a “patriotic” soldier. Legit, the moment after he shows back up, Joseph internally comments on how he’s “not exactly a bad guy”.

Some people will argue on how it’s a bit more complicated than that, since Joseph also thinks about how he dislikes that he’s a German Soldier. But directly after this, he also states how he’s still happy Stroheim isn’t dead. If anything, from this point onward Joseph acts towards Storheim in a similar way to how he acts towards Caeser. Even if they aren’t best friends, Joseph still has positive feelings towards Stroheim, and I hateeeee that.

In the anime, they even make sure to call him a “German Soldier” and not a Nazi. The avoidance of that word really struck me as them trying to avoid that subject because they knew the way the character was treated was strange.

So anyway, as I was trying to say. Redeeming villain characters is one thing, but redeeming a villain character that is straight up a literal Nazi is something else entirely. Especially when like, not to nitpick, but Stroheim never walks back the more extremist beliefs that he for sure subscribes to.

-And if you’re one of those weirdos who tries to make a point by saying “well, he never outright says what he actually believes in! Maybe he is just fighting for Germany for his own reasons.”

My dude, he’s literally described as a “Patrotic Nazi”. What the fuck do yoU THINK HE BELIEVES IN?

Also as a final addition to this rant, I also don’t quite like how weirdly normalized that Araki makes the existence of “german soldiers” in his story even outside of Stroheim. Nazi’s are weirdly commonplace throughout the plot, and while it contextually makes sense since they kicked off the main conflict, they are almost always weirdly painted as neutral or even straight up good guys (after the Santana fight). Which is just really strange to me.

Like bruh, you mean to tell me that Caeser fucking Zeppeli is casually frieNDS WITH ONE OF THEM? BE FUCKIN FR ARAKI LOL

It also sucks how Stroheim is so increasingly present leading up to the final act. Like MAN, GET THIS MOTHERFUCKER OFF THE SCREEN.

The only good thing about the inclusion of Nazi’s after Stroheim’s initial sacrifice, is that we get to see the Pillar Man murk a shit ton of them on screen. Like, fuck yeah dude. A great way to power scale and show how powerful the Pillar Men are as antagonists, without me feeling bad that they killed a bunch of people to do so.

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents that nobody asked for. I still LOVE Jojo, I think it’s a masterpiece of its genre, but it’s because of my intense love for it that I criticize it’s missteps so heavily. I hope that my wording on this post is done well, I had to re-draft it a second time after accidentally deleting it once, so I have a feeling it’ll come off a bit scrambled.

That being said, thanks for the Ask!

[mint-yooxgi]

The Line Between “Inspiration” and Plagiarism.

I have been through a plethora of emotions recently, and this is not the first time I have felt this way about this specific situation with this specific author. As I sit here writing this, my heart is racing and my hands continue to shake. I am devastated. My heart is filled with anxiety. I have been made to feel guilty for being plagiarized.

But I think it’s fair to be honest with myself, and with all of you.

There have been many fics that have been written somewhat recently “inspired by” Hotel California. Normally, I don’t take issue with these types of things. It makes me happy to know my writing could inspire others. However, that being said, I take issue when my fic is stolen, and plagiarized in multiple ways.

There is only one fic in particular that stands out in my mind based on all of the similarities between my own and this supposed “inspiration” based fic. That fic is Inherited Demons by /senpai-of-doom.

I have been told that their other works are also quite similar to other authors, such as @hongism​ ‘s “Mist of Celeste” , @shadowynn​ ‘s “In love and lore”, and @chasingatinydream ‘s “Pirate King” fics. I am tagging the author’s here to let them know of the situation. They do not have to read this full post, but I feel they should be made aware that they could also be getting plagiarized by this account under the guise of simply being “inspired”.

Now, let me preface this by saying that, after the first ten chapter of their fic, they reached out to me multiple times about reading their little “inspiration” and I agreed. Somewhat reluctantly, I'll be honest, but I still agreed. The first maybe, two chapters or so, I didn’t notice anything too bad, but the more I read, the more horrible it made me feel.

There is nothing more devastating as an author than seeing someone plagiarize your work, or using your ideas and claiming them as their own. As the author of HC I spent over 6 months writing, planning, and pouring my soul into this fic, so of course I will be the most familiar with my story, it’s characters, and the scenarios within.

And here were the same characters, setting, and situations as in my fic, but taken by someone else as their own.

There were so many similarities, it was unbelievable to me; to me, there is a heavy difference between being “inspired” by something, and straight up taking someone else’s ideas and claiming they are your original work.

For example, an instance of inspiration would be my own scene in Hotel California where Yunho pulls OC out of the darkness of her own mind. If you’ve read that scene, you’ll be familiar with how a little orb of the OC’s soul appears to lead Yunho to where the OC is trapped and vulnerable in her broken state. 

I took inspiration from this scene from Demon Slayer, and the specific incident from Mugen Train Arc where a boy is within Tanjiro’s subconscious and is searching for his spirit core. Little glowing figures appear to lead this boy to the orb, so you can deduce here what specifics I took as inspiration.

Now, if you are unfamiliar with Demon Slayer, you may not have recognized that. Heck, if I hadn’t of mentioned this, would it have been obvious where I got the inspiration from?

To me, that is what inspiration means.

In terms of this specific fic, however, there were just too many similarities to be a coincidence of “inspiration”. Here are all of the similarities I discovered within the first ten (10) chapters alone. Please keep in mind these might not be in order of appearance within the fic, but they are there:

The very biggest one that stands out right away is the setting. It is clear from this authors note (see below) where the “inspiration” came from. Yes, I was credited, but when you work hard on creating something, and someone takes your cake and runs with it, it hurts. Even the descriptions of the rooms were similar to mine (also pictured below). I would like to add that i’m not even tagged in this particular chapter or note, just a link to my story. Also note the change in username in the screenshots. This has been bothering me since back when i first read it and came to all of these realizations, which i will also touch upon later.

Another glaringly obvious similarity were all of the things the demons were able to do, and all things related to them being demons. 

Their telepathy and certain powers were scarily similar.

The fact that they want the OC to become their “Queen”

The majority of their hobbies, which I will talk about in a separate point.

Having the eight of them be referred to specifically as “Demon Kings” of their realm

Being able to read OC’s mind, and subsequently attaching themselves to it and her to them.

How they all have a mental connection with the OC where they can converse with her in her mind

Now, onto the hobbies:

Yunho is a artist, just as HC!Yunho is, who has a sketchbook filled with drawings of the oc. Where have I seen that one before? (granted, this came up more in later chapters, but I thought it appropriate to put here)

Jongho likes to read and spend his time in the library. Hmm, kind of similar to a particular HC boy with the same name. Especially when the OC spends so much time with him reading... in the library...

Yeosang plays a specific melody for the OC that is “her melody”. Wow, I wonder if that’s similar?

Hongjoong is essentially a tailor, and creates outfits for the OC, and implies the OC will be receiving a crown/wearing one at some point. Switch him to Seonghwa and omg, Hello there Mars from HC!!!

Another similarity I noticed was how Yeosang was OC’s first. Her first love, the first one she has sex with, the first one she became closest to. I wonder who that could be in HC? Oh wait... it’s also Yeosang...

Oc gets trapped inside the mansion and specifically cannot leave, so she sort of barricades herself in her room while the boys take care of her. Hmmm, where have I seen that one before?

Not to mention how they seem to not be able to control their eyes shifting around the OC to start, leading to the oc to question their sanity, just like in HC

Don’t even get me started on Jongho and the library... but also, how Jongho is one of the first ones to become close to the oc over time

Now, the next few were some things I noticed in later chapter, but here’s why they’re so important. After reading the first ten chapters at the time, I reached out to the author and expressed my concerns over the many similarities there were that I noticed. I wanted to avoid conflict, and they were super understanding at the time, even going so far as to offer to change a few things around. I told them that as long as they properly credited me, it should be okay. 

I realize now I should have been honest.

It was, and never has been, okay with me that these similarities were there. I take full responsibility for my decision at the time, and I stand by it, as I never believed the situation would come to this. I was told the story was going to divulge from my own at that point and become something completely different, which to an extent, yeah, okay, it did in certain aspects. However, there were still similarities that came through. Even ones in more recent chapters drawing from my newer series, Morning Mist.

I also want to preface this by saying I don’t own certain nicknames/tropes, but when they are that specific to a character that is my own, and my own story, it feels personal when they are used. Especially when it is literally stated that their fic is “inspired” by my own.

Hwa’s very personal nickname he uses for the OC in my fic is “My Divine”. Not a very common nickname, as I've not seen it used often, and it’s special to him because it calls back to what he says to my OC in his tailor shop the very first chapter when OC tries on the dress. (Also, the heartfelt comfort scene in chapter 4). Well, Hwa might not be the one to use it in this fic, but it’s certainly used. By Yeosang. The full “My Divine”.

Similarity, “Wolfgang” was used to describe the SKZ gang in a very recent chapter of this fic. A term that is specifically dedicated to my dragon fic, Morning Mist, which also feels very pointed when used considering where the “inspiration” is coming from.

Additionally, the order that the OC “falls in love” with the demons follows the exact same order as HC. Yeosang, and then Mingi as the first two. Very similar not to notice as the author of my fic.

Also, the fact that their demon realm is undergoing a coup, which is, similarly, a huge plot of my own story.

I’ve had multiple people reach out to me in my discord about similarities they’ve noticed between this fic and my own. So, clearly, I'm not the only one noticing and thinking these things. If a reader is able to identify similarities, there has to be too many to be coincidence.

Edit 2: I have been informed that the original picture I had here depicting someone informing me of a scene they got confused with was not from this fic. I have subsequently removed it and would like to apologize for this specific case of miscommunication and misuse of information. 

Tonight, it was the last straw.

So, doing the responsible thing, I reached out to the author and expressed my honest feelings. I politely asked them to change the similarities, and to take down their work until the changes had been implemented. I even wrote out every single similarity for them because they asked.

I was met with hostility, and messages were made to guilt trip me for asking that my own work not be plagiarized. I am not going to bombard with screenshots of the conversation, but if anyone would like to see more than the one posted below, I will happily share the conversation with you. Just send me a message privately, and I'll show more. Please note, this is just one example from the conversation which appeared later in said talks.

Side note: the “I set the... original settings” comment completely contradicts what I have stated, and subsequently, what they had explained in their authors note, about the setting of the house being completely the same as in HC.

The only reason I had started getting tagged in this fic in the first place was because I told the author to credit me properly. Otherwise, I don’t know it I would have been.

As I'm typing this out, I have been informed that this author has made some posts regarding this situation. I would kindly ask you all not to stir the pot, or send any negative, or other, asks regarding this to them. The situation is handled in a way, and I'm hoping it does not escalate further from here.

I don’t necessarily appreciate the plagiarist playing the victim and acting like they did no wrong, so I'll end of with this specific picture of their most recent post, and a comment below:

Yes, fans should share ideas. However, when those ideas are stolen and plagiarized, the original author has every right to ask the plagiarist to change and/or take that story down. 

Being plagiarized like this does not make me want to share my ideas. It makes me never want to post on this account again.

From one author to another, I had hoped you’d understand.

[sophieswundergarten]

Chapter 20 of S.O.S.

I don't even know anymore

@nobodysdaydreams Here ya go

ALRIGHT LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I AM BOTH EXCITED AND TERRIFIED

WHOOOO!!!!!!!!!

First off, love the title, and it’s making me a little nervous because now I’m thinking about Chapter 1 being titled “The Price of Admission”

Oh dear. The way you describe the feeling and emotions and just overall sensations of what Constance is experiencing is already punching me in the heart

(Though the intro bit with Jeffer was quite funny)

THEY BOTH THINK IT’S LIKE WHEN THEY WERE KIDS. BUT THE ONLY THING STOPPING THAT FROM BEING REAL IS THAT NEITHER OF THEM LIKE THEMSELVES ENOUGH TO BE HONEST AND VULNERABLE. UNBELIEVABLE. I AM ALREADY CHEWING DRYWALL. MASTICATING.

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh

You added to it. He hasn’t forgotten that Nathaniel is hurting people, he just thinks that he finally got through to him. Oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( 

“The whole world felt so sunny. So vibrant. So full of humor and amusement. Had it always been this whimsically delightful? It must have been, but Nicholas felt as if he was seeing it for the first time. There was beauty everywhere. There was happiness everywhere. Nothing was too loud, nothing was too overwhelming, nothing was too anxiety provoking. For the first time in Nicholas’ life, everything in the world felt “just right”, and it was completely effortless.”

THIS IS A REALLY WELL-WRITTEN PARAGRAPH. BUT IT’S HORRIBLY JARRING BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I ALSO FEEL AS “JUST RIGHT”, AND I ALREADY KNOW IT’S BAD. I WOULD FALL FOR THIS SO EASILY OH MY WORD ASFJDSJKFDKJ

“His friends might have left him, but he finally had his brother back. Perhaps they really could work together like they used to. It had been so long.”

BODS CAN YOU HOLD BACK FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS???? I AM WRITING OMINOUS STICKY NOTES AND PLACING THEM ON EVERY MIRROR YOU HAVE

OH. THAT’S WHY THERE’S A HYPHEN IN THE TITLE. ADSKJFDSHKJDSKJF

CONSIDER ANY STRING YOU OWN CONFISCATED

And you’re still calling him “Curtain”. He’s still calling himself “Curtain”. He doesn’t think he (deserves) is that name anymore. And yet he calls himself “Nathaniel” in Chapter 1. Hmmmmm

Also. Calling the fact that he “allows” Nicholas to call him his given name as a “luxury” is hysterical and very on-point. You are so, so good at writing Curtain :) 

AHHHHHHH. THE CONFLICT IN POOR NICHOLAS’ BRAIN ABOUT HIS VARIOUS FAMILY MEMBERS

And then also Curtain continuing to not get it. Good gravy, man. PLEASE remember how to be a human being soon. You are hurting yourself so much :( 

(And. Also. Like. Several thousand people, not least your own brother. But, still.)

NUMBER TWO!!!!!

Oh heavens. I feel very bad for her. But she did escape! (Kinda)

And then Milligan. I want to give him a hug.

YEAH

I LOVE THIS PART. BECAUSE JUST WHEN YOU THINK CHAOS AND STRIFE HAS BEFALLEN THE TEAM THEY GET IT BACK TOGETHER AND IT’S GREAT

“for some reason Milligan took personal offense at the implication that educators were incapable, though he could not explain why”

I LOVE HOW INSTEAD OF DENYING THAT SHE STOLE IT SHE’S JUST LIKE “I paid for it. And I left a beautifully hand-crafted thank you note.” IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT IT WASN’T FOR SALE IN THE FIRST PLACE JASHJJDKJHFD

She really is ready to be part of the team

(Why is one of the bars you have to pass, like, Neutral Good committing of crimes??? Ajsdkjds)

Marlon /derogatory

OH NO

OH NOW IT’S THAT BIT

“I don’t see the problem” And Marlon just decides that it’s fine. I Do Not Like Him

AND HE’S SO MEAN TO JACKSON AND JILLSON

OH BOY. AND YOU’VE BROUGHT BACK THE MARTINA BETRAYAL. I’M SO WORRIED ABOUT THAT. GIVE THESE KIDS A HUG

“Someone’s finally at the wheel and all you can do is naysay,” the officer observed, “You sound like a person who, frankly, would benefit from time in Dr. Curtain’s program. Compulsory or not.”

Oh yikes. There’s the wheel motif again, and also that sounds incredibly threatening. YOU WOULD THINK THIS WOULD TIP HER OFF TO GET OUT OF THERE

There’s something so sad about Rhonda being terrified when Number Two missed the check in and now she’s trying to call Rhonda and no one’s there :( 

Adjfsdjfjdsjk

Miss Perumal trying to corral the children on the farm is a really entertaining mental image

OH. SHE’S TRYING TO CALL HER SISTER.

“You have reached the Two residence. We’re busy and aren’t available now or ever. Don’t expect an answer to your messages and don’t come to our house. We don’t want to buy anything, and we don’t want to meet any new people. Heaven knows you’d only abandon us just like everybody else and would probably try to steal from us too no doubt.” 

“This answering machine is full. Please call back later.”

Yikes. Ajkdfjdsfjkdsf The Two family has some issues

(But very nice job on writing that. It’s incredible)

“Milligan heroically threw his helmet and jacket into the motorbike.”

…“heroically”?

Akjfhjkdfkjds Very good choice of word! It just makes me think of how overdramatic the cinematography got whenever it was focussed on Milligan

FOUND CRIME FAMILY. IT’S OKAY AS LONG AS YOU PAY PEOPLE BACK AND LEAVE THEM NICE NOTES. AKJLFDSJKD

Milligan is amazing

JEFFERS

HE COLLECTS RECEIPTS

I love our sad little guy

Oh no. Oh no. Nicholas’ thoughts are fascinating and you write them really really well but also it always makes me legitimately want to cry

OH YEAH. THEY HAVE THE SAME VOICE. THAT’S PROBABLY SUPER CREEPY

Oh. And Number Two’s all alone now. I know she isn’t really his daughter in the Show, but, still. To be abandoned in such a scary situation…

“He was using addict speech. Saying “I need to stay in my brother’s evil cult, not because of the addictive happiness he gave me, but because it’s crucial to our mission” was just another form of “I need to drink, not because I’m addicted, but because it helps my anxiety and is really better for me if you think about it.” There’s always a justification for anything, so long as your brain is smart enough to think of it and clever enough to trick yourself into believing it. And unfortunately, Number Two knew from experience that Mr. Benedict was very smart and very clever indeed.”

Yeah!! And we get to see another bit of Bods’ psychology brain! I’ve been waiting to see what you had to say about this. So, so many thoughts

And the little snips of what’s going on with Jackson and Jillson. It keeps building in increments, and I really have no idea what it’s going to build to with your writing but I have no doubt it’ll be spectacular

Poor Jeffers adsfjsdjk

He’s trying his best

AND THE WAY THAT THEY ALL CROSS PATHS IN SUCH A WAY THAT THEY JUST MISS ONE ANOTHER

MARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINAMARTINA

I’m glad that the coaches appreciate her, but also understand that she’s working through a whole lot

(If only they knew how much…)

Ah, yes. Stealing, bribery, breaking and entering, fraud, all of those things are totally fine. Underage driving, however? Unacceptable

Garrison is trying her very best. (Unfortunately for her, that’s not good enough for Constance adjsd)

IS SHE REALLY FEELING BAD ABOUT THIS?????

Somehow that’s really sweet because she does care enough to notice things, but also SHE’S A TINY CHILD. IT’S NOT HER FAULT

Oh. Even without her snark, she wouldn’t be comforted by a lot of toys because of the bad memories she has attached to them. She doesn’t trust them :( 

(I bet her family gives her a lot of unusual toys and puzzles, so she can view it as a challenge instead of being uncomfortable)

YOU DID THE THING AGAIN!!!!! YOU DID THE THING AND BROUGHT BACK THE SCENE WHERE THEY WERE ALL TALKING AND PLANNING!!!! I LOVE IT AND IT’S ALSO HEARTBREAKING. OH MY WORD THIS IS AWFUL AND I LOVE YOU

Oh good gravy. MILLIGAN.

The lot of them need to stop taking all the guilt in the world onto themselves. They are all so ridiculous

GARRISON NEEDS SOME HELP. IT’S NOT HER FAULT SHE’S VIOLENTLY UNCOMFORTABLY WITH CHILDREN

(Although I’d hazard a guess that her discomfort was seriously exacerbated after SQ’s parents died…)

“You need to choose better friends,” Constance suggested.”

YOU HAVE FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO YOUR CURTAIN RODS. I AM TAKING A SEAM RIPPER TO ALL OF YOUR PANT HEMS. YOUR WINDOWS HAVE BEEN HAPHAZARDLY COVERED IN BUTCHER’S PAPER AND SLOPPILY APPLIED DUCT TAPE

“Garrison frowned again. Kidnapping aside, there was no need for this child to be so rude.”

Garrison. You really would benefit from talking to another human being now and again (Or not have wiped your best years of social interactions from your brain)

““The ghost in the windmill. The dancer in the dark. You found a flaw,” said Garrison, spitting out the word “flaw” like it was filled with poison. “One that has kept me up every single night since and one that I can’t seem to replicate.””

HOW DO YOU WRITE SO PRETTY

AND ON TOP OF BEING REALLY FUNNY TOO

UM. DID GARRISON ACCIDENTALLY FORGET HER MORALS WHEN SHE STARTED LIVING IN A ROOT CELLAR? IS THIS BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T HAVE CURTAIN ANYMORE? KIND OF LIKE A “He’s so obviously insane that I must be the sane one to keep us on track” ONLY NOW SHE’S ON HER OWN????

Someone give her a hug

Oh, oh PLEASE let Number Two get in a fight with Marlon. She’d beat him so hard. And he’d deserve it

“Everyone barged into his office sooner or later to demand an explanation for things, and even if Curtain had not gotten better and better at correctly estimating one’s breaking point, the security cameras he installed around the compound certainly helped.”

SDFKJDjkdsfkjdj BODS

Also, Curtain, buddy, if you’re the common denominator in all these instances of people bursting into your office then maybe you might be the problem

“By “thing” you mean relieving him of the constant grip of existential angst?” Oh yeah, I would fall for this whole cult thing so very fast. I’m already a goner

YEAH. YEAH, CURTAIN, IT’S KIND OF WEIRD THAT YOU GUYS SEEK OUT SIMILAR FRIENDS. IT’S ALMOST LIKE YOU’RE SIBLINGS. AND YOU MISS EACH OTHER.

She’s so incredibly angry and scared and hurting and just  a tornado of emotions

And then Curtain’s just kinda. Sitting there. Placidly. (I would have snapped and punched him by now)

YOU BROUGHT BACK HER BOOK NAME!!!!!! I love you

SCREAMING SCREAMING CRYING

CAN YOU STOP TREATING HER LIKE A SUB-PAR GARRISON???? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD REMEMBER THAT’S SHE’S A REAL HUMAN, YOU BUFFOON!!!!!!

Good job. Steal his plates. He deserves it. (Maybe go after his floorboards next…)

Is… Is Auguste okay? He didn’t ever freeze on-screen, but I am quite concerned about him…

OH MY WORD CURTAIN CAN YOU STOP USING CHILDREN AS CONDUITS I AM GOING TO SCREAM

Oh no….

The panic and turmoil and poor Nicholas is caught in the middle. He’d feel bad even normally, but now everything’s all confused too

“Here, Nicholas wasn’t a burden to his friends”

SCREAMING

I AM TEARING INTO YOUR PILLOWS WITH MY BARE TEETH

LOSING MY MIND

(I’ll sanitise the remains after, I promise)

MARLON IS SO TERRIBLE

And poor Jackson and Jillson are getting a lot more scared…

“He was also very agitated at the idea that Dr. Curtain’s happiness was the cause of this, not only because it put his position in jeopardy, but also because Marlon himself had taken the happiness. Obviously, he wasn’t in danger of succumbing to anything like this (he wasn’t nearly as mentally weak as Sebastian or Paula), but the implication that something like this even could happen to him was a prospect that Marlon found insulting.”

He just keeps getting worse and worse. I am so upset with him. I can’t even like that he’s an intriguing antagonist, he’s just awful. (Although I will concede that you write him incredibly well and I am quite appreciative of how much you make me hate him)

AND GARRISON

I KNOW SHE’S TECHNICALLY A VILLAIN/ANTAGONIST BUT SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE HER

“I hope y'all are ready”???

“I hope y'all are ready”????????

YOU HOPE WE’RE READY?????????

READY FOR WHAT??????? Oh my goodness. I— I just— I have no words. I am screeching. Bods, there are so, so many things that happened in this chapter. I am so shaken up. I feel like my insides were in a blender. It’s so exciting to see all of these plot points and hints and through lines and motifs that you’ve been laying out and I am just over the moon about everything. You have created  a  n o v e l, and it’s gorgeous. I am disintegrating. I can feel my molecules breaking up. I read a book once where a lady cried acidic material and when she started sobbing she just sunk into a hole in the floor and that’s what I’m feeling right now.

I think I need a nap. I don’t have any idea how to articulate this. Just know that you’ve done amazingly. Just. You are absolutely incredible, my friend. I can feel these characters living and breathing in the letterings and you somehow make it new and fresh material every time, no matter the fact that I’ve seen the show or how often I’ve reread your work. Each of the characters takes on such a vibrancy of life and independence under your guidance, and I adore getting to “meet” them and learn how they work in your narrative. Just stupendous

[velvetcrowbar444]

@motherofvinegar tagged me to talk about 5 things i’m obsessed with at the moment :)))

1. playing my guitar

i’m pretty on and off with my love of playing, mostly just because my nails get too long :( but i’ve been picking it up more so recently as i realise it’s something that gives me a lot of happiness. there’s maybe three songs i actually know how to play from memory lol but i tend to just play what i’m interested in at the time. i’ve been playing lots of elliott smith and morrissey at the moment and death by a thousand cuts by taylor is super fun, also the acoustic version of lavender haze is soooo enjoyable and satisfying:)))

2. collecting more religious paraphernalia

over the past few years or so i’ve become more increasingly interested in catholicism and my love for jesus just grows every day. i’ve found that i tend to turn to religion without even trying and i know that i am so blessed and god truly does have a plan for me :’) i would love a collection of rosaries, i think they are so beautiful and i’ve been practicing praying them for a while now. i just acquired a lovely white and gold bible from my grandmother and it’s gorgeously illustrated. i would like to study it more, but i think that’s a plan for the future

3. fall out boy

god my fob obsession with never die. just seeing them playing together again and being so happy doing it makes me so so happy and i am unbelievably excited to see them in october. it really will be a dream come true :)) i’m praying for them to play xo, but i’m not sure if i could deal with hearing that song ( i would pass away instantly). i will never get tired of their music and it will always be my favourite thing in the world. i love them all so dearly and they mean so so much to me :’)

4. sharp objects

again, my love this show/book will never wane. i’m rewatching it at the moment… when really i should be writing my essay about it. oops. camille really is me fr. i can’t even put into words my thoughts and feelings about it because my love is so intense. just everything from gillian flynn’s word choice, the way she creates her narratives and the relationship between camille, amma and adora is just !!!!!!!! amma just fascinates me and i can’t help but just love her!!! evil bitches keep winning

5. learning forgiveness, acceptance and being able to move on

forgiveness is such a powerful and complicated thing, and of course there will be things that you cannot forgive. for me, it’s been going back on forgiveness that i have extended to people… when i really shouldn’t have. but i know better know!! and i’m growing as a person and i couldn’t be happier about it. learning that i’m not a bad person, my mental illnesses don’t make me a bad person. i have experienced horrible horrible things, and i deserve forgiveness, love and acceptance!!! something that had been so hard for me is being able to move away from things that do not serve me because of a fear of being abandoned. but i’m getting there and i’m trying, and that’s what matters.

@sxphiamustdie @sigmabateman no pressure!!! do it if you like :))

[askthepsychic]

A moment later, Rey becomes aware of another mental pattern joining theirs, coming into being behind her. She quiets her thoughts to listen to the new arrival more closely.

“What? What is this? This… this isn’t just a dream anymore, is it? I feel something. Something… familiar. Like a half forgotten friend from a long time ago. Wait… is this….MAGIC?!”

Rey can’t help but smile. “That’s right. Your world doesn’t have true magic, does it?”

“No. Um, who are you. The memories are all becoming as clear as day again, but your voice isn’t in any of them.”

Rey sighs. “My name is Rey. This is the first time we have met, Megan Williams.”

Megan sighs “I see. But it’s actually Megan Richards now. Rey, can I ask… is everything okay there? I mean, it’s been a long time, but normally a surprise visit like this meant trouble. I’m perfectly ready to rush to the defense of you all again like I always did back then if I need to.”

Rey sighs. “I see. You really are that sort of person. I’m really happy to know that wasn’t exaggerated. You truly were what they needed back then.”

Megan is silent a moment. “Back then? Heh. Suddenly I get the feeling that you aren’t here to invite me for a visit or to ask me to rescue you. Rey. I… I want to know. How long ago was… back then on your end?”

Rey sighs. “I knew from the moment I was enlisted to participate in this that you would ask. Just as those who enlisted me knew I would answer. Megan. Steel yourself. Grasp my left hand if you’re ready.” When Rey feels Megan’s hand grasping hers, she says “for us, it has been… more than six… millennia since you were last here.”

Megan sighs. “I… I’m not going back again, am I?”

Rey sighs “the world you knew. The world I know. Though they are the same in terms of planet, they are still very different places. I’m sorry, Megan, but… I must be blunt and inform you that the world I know has no place for you.”

Rey can feel Megan nodding in understanding. “I get it. Some things have just changed too drastically to allow for me anymore. Then there’s just one more thing I want to ask before you tell me why you’ve contacted me. My ponies. The ones I knew back then. What happened to them after the link was destroyed?”

Rey smiles. “You would’ve been proud of them Megan. Losing you, instead of breaking them, galvanized them to find their own strength. They took that moment to heart and used it to motivate themselves so they could become stronger than they had ever been before, building the basis of a kingdom on the broken pieces of that link. They rose up and never looked down. Rushed forward and never looked back. If ever they spared a moment to think of what had been, it was only to motivate themselves to do better again.”

Megan says “enough. You’re absolutely right, Rey. I’m… unbelievably proud of them. I spent so many nights haunted by nightmares of so many different worst case scenarios. I still have nightmares now. Horrible visions of ways they could have suffered without me or… the Rainbow. Of course. That’s why this is happening tonight isn’t it? You or your recruiters have somehow crafted a method to bring the Rainbow of Light back to your world, haven’t you?”

Rey nods “that’s right Megan. But to forestall any sort of anger you might feel from that, I want to point out that along with restoring an ancient defense to ourselves, there is a consideration for you as well. Your world has no true magic of its own. The Rainbow of Light is an incarnation of pure magic. There could be… issues born of these two facts.”

Megan nods, “right. A world without true magic would have no ability to defend itself from any effects the presence of a powerful magical force could cause. But really, that’s not even a shadow of a consideration for me. You see, when the Rainbow Bridge shattered, and I was left holding the Rainbow of Light with no way to get it back to you, I made an oath to myself. Even if I could never go back, I would still, with no hesitation, return the Rainbow to you the first chance I got. And this is starting to seem like a really good chance to do just that. Tell me what to do.”

Rey smiles. “You may have noticed I specified that you grasp my left hand to let me know you’d braced yourself. I specified the left because the right is enchanted with a powerful transportation spell, capable of carrying one thing from one world to another. If you place the Rainbow of Light in my right hand, that’ll be it. It will leave your world and return to this one. However, you do realize that doing this will mean surrendering the last link to this world that you have, correct?”

Megan is once again silent for a moment, then says “it doesn’t belong to me. I may have wielded it the most often, but it belongs to you. It always has. I’ve come to terms with what fulfilling my oath would mean. Rey, hold your right hand out to me.”

Rey does, then feels something get placed into her hand. When she looks, she can’t help but marvel at how some of the greatest powers in existence can manifest in such simple items.

As Rey looks at the locket holding the Rainbow of Light, a small burst of light emits from her hand. Nyx says “with that, the Rainbow should now reappear in your hand back in our world, Rey.”

Megan, hearing the other voice, chances a look around and smiles, seeing the two ponies. “You never really know how much you really care about someone or something until you realize just the sight of them is enough to make you happy. I don’t recognize either of you, but just seeing ponies again even if it’s the last time still makes me smile.”

Luna bows to Megan “Megan. We have much we owe you for. This act of prevention against eventual calamity isn’t nearly enough to repay you, but I fear it will be all we will ever be able to do. Please, forgive this poor show of gratitude.”

Megan smirks, tilting her head and crossing her arms. “Okay, you have got to be some sort of princess or something. The way you talk, dead giveaway. Although, I’m not quite sure what kind of pony you are. I remember ponies with wings and ponies with horns, but not ponies with both.”

Nyx smiles “we are alicorns. Speaking in terms of attributes, we are a unified form of the other three pony tribes. Pegasi, unicorns and earth ponies all in one.”

Megan tilts her head. “What about sea ponies? Flutter ponies? Has something happened to them?”

Luna sighs. “I believe it may now be time to reveal to you that at some point in the past, earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi began feuding with each other. This was eventually resolved… but the cost of the feuding eventually consumed Dream Valley. The kingdom we live in now, Equestria, is in an entirely different region. Much was lost when Dream Valley was consumed by the Wendigo’s curse, the flutter ponies included. As for the sea ponies, it had been some centuries since our last open communication with them. They have become a secretive tribe, allowing only occasional visits to their undersea domain at the best of times. As we must wait for them to contact us in order for communication to begin, diplomacy proceeds at a slow crawl at best. I don’t begrudge them their secrecy, but I would hope we could be more united in the future,”

Megan nods. “I’m with you on that. But I can’t help but notice this group dream deal seems to be getting less defined. I think I better let you go before you hurt yourselves.”

Luna nods. “Once more, I want to apologize that we can’t do more to thank you, Megan. That being said…”

“WAAAAAAIIIIIITTTTTT.”

(Picture found on deviantart. Artist https://www.deviantart.com/starbat )

[secretsnotforanyone]

Dear dad 1 (12/8/2023)

Dear dad,

The pain you have inflicted on me and my siblings is hard to explain, close to unbelievable by many and forgivable by us all, if you ever could apologize. It’s hard for me to begin and to talk to you in person is near impossible since I don’t think I could speak a full sentence with out being interrupted by you. I also am always afraid to talk to you because unless I don’t agree with you or pretend to agree with you the conversation is less of that and more of a lecture from you. Maybe lecture isn’t the right word, but I definitely don’t feel like it’s a real conversation because it only ends if I let you win, and most of the time you don’t realize that’s what I’m doing. Also I don’t think conversations are supposed to be won. Mst conversations if I do talk end up with me in tears and you calling me names and telling me that I’m a horrible communicator and I don’t know how to have a conversation. This is not fully true because a conversation is between 2 or more people and like I said before, when I let you win or pretend to agree with you (or just agree with you truthfully) that’s not a real conversation. So for you to call me a bad communicator and leave me feeling stupid and pathetic for my emotions when you won’t even allow a real conversation to be had is hurtful. It hurts me to write these words because I don’t think you will ever understand or comprehend them. I feel so strongly that I have to prove myself to you even when trying to tell you that you don’t understand me. Ok well I’m working on it and trying to be better every day. I’m not going to keep letting you abuse me and my sisters anymore. I’m not allowing it to happen. I will get stronger than you even though your older and bigger than me. I just wish you could admit you were wrong at least once. I’m wishing for the day that you fake it for us the way we do for you. Like when we show up for you for anything at all, unlike how you don’t show up for us ever for anything at all. I want to be happy despite the fact that you will not be there me.

[lycanlovebites]

(prev tags) Oh gods just opened tumblr and your post has me giggling twirling my hair kicking my feet etc !!!! I am reading over the story again and fuck if I don't say that is Unbelievably good #Your OCs are so HHHGHRGGRG (<- completely real word that definitely exists thank you very much)#How could I NOT fall in love with them??? #I want to know so so much more about them and if I can be part of that special space with you and your OCs I would be the happiest gal ever

My average daily experience: giggling kicking my feet and twirling my hair while thinking abt my ocs… you are so real for that!! Also thank u thank u thank u I’m glad you enjoy the story so much!! Writing that was like super good for character development and stuff and it was Fun so it’s making me wanna write more lore and stories… perhaps if I work out some more plot stuff soon I might work on the actual beginning of everyone’s story… like when Valentine enters through the portal and stuff and curiosity and eventual friendship and flirting starts happening… swoon!! I just want to write abt this demon who is like super nervously trying to make a fancy banquet kind of offering to impress Gabriel (when they realize they Have A Crush and are trying so hard to do something abt it) and asking Sol about his favorite foods and any allergies or texture issues Gabriel has and stuff. Does he like meat?? Does he like red wine or champagne or dry white wine?? Humans can eat figs, right?? Can angels eat this kind of fruit or is that only a human thing? like Valentine is nervously plucking rose petals and scattering them all around the altar (where they set up the banquet feast ofc) and Sol is trying to keep Gabriel busy while Valentine gets everything ready. God I just love when characters who are normally supposed to be fine in a situation feel out of their depth. Like Valentine is literally a love demon, it’s literally their specialty and they do it for other people all the time. But because they’re the one in love they’re just so worried abt making a good impression, it’s like their first big date kind of thing, and Gabriel has no idea!! Does their fur look ok? All the food is in place? There’s roses and wine and candles, all good. Oh devil, what if Gabriel doesn’t like it?? What if they do something embarrassing like spill wine on him?? What if they get struck down by god or something for being a pathetic little guy with a crush on a priest?? it’s just SO good to think about. AND YES, take my hand and together we can enjoy the wonderful world of my ocs!! also if you’d like to make an oc or a few for this universe I would be more than happy to add them in :] especially since there’s like.. only six characters so far (sol, Gabriel, Valentine, Gabriel’s dead parents, and the evil horrible priest before Gabriel.)

AND YES I LOVE that trope so much too!!! #There's something so inherently queer with the idea of that trope - the shame the pride the hate the love the despair the hope #and above all The Fight - neverending and tireless - against a system so much bigger than you are. #and yet there is comfort in knowing you are not alone in that fight. never will be because they are with you #and they will fight for you when you can't. fill you with love and hope and pride when all you feel is shame and despair. #and just as they are with you now You will be there for Them. and that's all that matters right? #Okay I think this spiralled out of the trope. but yeah

!!!! OH MY GOD YES!!! you get it you GET IT!! Even though you fight against something much bigger than you, you are not alone and they���re there for you even when you are feeling terrible and despairing and hopeless. god you’re so right !!!!

also YES I really want to make a comic of this!! I think it would be really cool because I’ve always wanted to make comics/graphic novel type stuff but like I have NO perseverance so I like can’t do a full novel. I made a complete (short) graphic novel for an art class once but I was only able to finish it out of desperation lol. (Perhaps I’ll digitize it and post it on tumblr.. much to think abt) anyways yes I want to draw Gabriel going through things!! Putting him in situations and making him confront his doubts and realize how much he truly loves Sol and Valentine!! Like YESSS go white boy go, get confronted with your past and current struggles and deepest darkest fears!! #The funniest answer to the last question would be: Gabriel smokes weed with his partners. #Sees my man Jesus whilst zonked out of his fucking mind. my man JC gives him free therapy. Gabriel swears to never touch weed ever again. #The sane answer would be the whole thing being just your narration - but don't listen to me!!! Go wild!! #I wanna see what you cook up in that beautiful mind of yours!!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD 😭 the mental image is EVERYRHING to me. I’m sure Sol and Valentine have definitely done weed before but like I’m imagining Gabriel trying it for the first time.. he’s got like tears in his eyes and he’s sniffling a bit while gripping the blunt in his shaky fingers and he’s like “do you think this allowed??? God won’t strike me down?? Isn’t doing recreational drugs a sin??” And Sol is like “no I’m sure she thinks it’s fine. I’ve been doing this since before snakes lost their legs, it’s fine dude go for it 👍” and while Gabriel is like shaking and quivering like an elderly chihuahua, he is So Incredibly Anxious and he’s fed up with feeling scared and stuff about his whole facade and trying to act straight around townspeople so he just goes in for it and tries weed. It’s like not even a lot either. Thing is that Sol got like angel-grade weed and while it’s fine for HIM, it uh sends pretty much anyone else into like a Wizard high. Sol forgot abt this though and assumed it would be fine. Spoiler: it was not. Gabriel got zonked the fuck out of his mortal gourd. He saw the earth since before dinosaurs died out. He saw the formation of the horse head nebula. He saw stars get born into existence and die, collapsing into black holes before his eyes over and over again in the span of seconds. He saw what he thinks was Soleil’s true form too, with a bunch of eyes and wings and sparking radiant halos, although it was so bright that he couldn’t really tell. He waved anyways just in case before shutting his eyes and looking away so he didn’t burn his eyes. then he sees Jesus and gets free therapy from the man himself. Good for him :]

I think Valentine would be fine with Angel weed btw. They’ve worked up a pretty good tolerance to stronger stuff since the stuff in Hell where they’re from is crazy too. It would probably strike Gabriel dead if he had too much but yknow. For a demon it’s pretty standard I think.

(@justaderivative)

here’s a bit of a story I was working on involving Father Gabriel and Valentine! (Sol is also there too but he’s not really mentioned oops. He’s off doing something else I guess)

its a discarded first draft that I still like a lot even though it doesn’t work in this particular scene because it gives really good insight into Gabriel’s inner thoughts and also his Catholic guilt. It’s also UNEDITED in any way so sorry if there’s typos and the dialogue and stuff is oddly placed! (btw will anyone believe me if I said that this was the first draft for a smut fic I was writing yes or no?? I scrapped this draft because it was far too serious and angsty for the situation I wanted. Valentine is ready to fuck nasty and have a nice time and treat their boyfriend meanwhile Gabriel is struggling with Catholic guilt and paranoia. The vibe was off for him and I felt bad trying to get him into a sex scene when that man should be having a therapy session instead. Like its ok king take ur time, you and Valentine can try later when you feel better)

story below the cut! (It’s a bit long)

Father Gabriel closed the front door behind him. “I can’t believe that happened,” he said more to himself than to the cheeky demon who caused the scene, who was hanging their sparkly red blazer on the coat rack next to him. “What if people saw? No, how many people saw that? How many people saw me?” He said aloud with horror. 

“Relax darling.” Valentine put a hand on his shoulder. “Believe me, no one saw my little display except you. Otherwise some old biddies would have me roasting at a stake by now.” They gave him a little grin at that last part. He was sure they found the idea of being tied up by little old ladies quite funny judging from their expression.  It was meant to be reassuring but the idea of other church members burning his partner at the stake wasn’t exactly pleasant. 

“That’s my point. It’s not safe for you to risk being found out by the church! If they find out you’re not human they’ll… they’ll do unspeakable things to you. I can’t risk you getting hurt, Valentine. Burning you at the stake would be the least of your worries if the wrong people get their claws on you.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “It’s not only your safety too. I also have a reputation to uphold, as horrible as it is sometimes. I’m a priest. I’m not supposed to get flustered over someone at communion. The people see me as a symbol of devotion and modesty, and I fear what might happen if they see me as anything other than that. I’m supposed to be committed to God alone, not blushing over my handsome friend from out of town.” He was so worried. Valentine seemed so confident to show off but he feared what would happen if they reveal too much. Gabriel knew what happened to demons in churches they weren’t welcomed in. He’d seen it happen with his own eyes, was forced to read the books on how to do it himself, and he knew that powerful people with hatred in their hearts for even an inkling of difference would never stop until they get what they want. 

“Darling, look at me.” Valentine stood in front of him and gently took his hand in theirs. “It’s going to be alright. I promise you that no one saw my little display to you, and as far as I saw no one seemed to say anything about your blush today. I mean, if you ask me, it was quite warm in church today, and you were quite lively in today’s sermon.  I wouldn’t see anything unusual about how the priest was a bit more red than usual after that rousing sermon he gave. And I feel most people know how warm it can be in your cassock with all those layers.” They assured him. Gabriel wasn’t fully convinced, but their words did help. He stared down at his hand and watched Valentine gently stroke the back of his hand with a thumb. Such a small gesture, yet it still sent a shiver through his body at the touch. They didn’t want him to worry, he knew that. It was just hard sometimes to let these things go. He was always under scrutiny, always being perceived and his actions always judged by someone. If not by  God then by the townspeople who looked up to him. At least that’s what he felt. Maybe it wasn’t true. Maybe there wasn’t actually anyone who cared about these things besides him. He was just so worried all of the time lately. Maybe since he was a child. First about being good, following all the rules and being a faithful servant to the church. Then he worried about being sinful. Always ashamed of the way his heart beat against his chest when he saw Brother Marcus in the vestry, of the way he laid awake so many nights consumed with thoughts of him and Marcus doing terrible, lustful things. Now he was worried for Valentine and their safety. Of them being found out and torn away from the safety of his protection and killed. Soleil had to disguise themself as well, but for Valentine their disguise was a matter of life or death. Sol would be worshiped and adored if the townspeople knew what they were. But Valentine would be hunted down and killed before Gabriel’s feet if they were ever found out. 

Gabriel  was also worried about his reputation as a perfect chaste little servant of god. Someone pure, someone who was completely devoted to their god and had no room in their heart for any sinful thoughts of other people. The people saw him as one of them. No, better than them. They put him on a pedestal. They listened to his words and came to him for guidance, and he overheard how they spoke of him. With reverence, a deep respect. As if he was truly holy. But Gabriel knew he wasn’t. He was impure, tainted, guilty. His god did not answer his prayers and he knew he was dishonest to the townspeople when he pretended to be that man everyone saw him as.

He yearned for respite from the terror and guilt that plagued him for most of his life. He just wanted to let them all go. 

He let out a sigh, trying to let go of his worries with it. “You’re probably right. No one came up to me about anything today after the service so I suppose no one saw anything unusual.” He focused his attention on his hand being gently held in Valentine’s. He took another deep breath and forced the worries out of him along with it. In.  It will be okay. Out. No one saw what happened today. In. We’re safe. 

[@justaderivative hope you don’t mind me tagging you in this! This has a good bit of lore/info abt Gabriel in it so instead of making an info post about him (I mean I still probably will but yknow) this is some good info for him and his less fun and whimsical stuff ]

[lovelybarnes]

stood up- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, anderson x reader (?) warnings: angst, getting stood up, language, unrequited feelings about: prompts (DA29) “i got stood up.” + (DF30) “i think you’re my soulmate.” +(DF41) “are you going to cry? please don’t cry. a/n: i love to hurt but dw it’s a happy ending, i actually like this fjsk, a the time i finished this, i just posted another imagine, so i can’t wait for you guys to read this one in a couple days

every passing second makes you hyperaware of all the sympathetic stares that are currently directed at you. the feeling of pity is enveloping you whole, wrapping you in a thin layer of shame that you think must be related to the careful makeup you caked on your face for this date. your recently manicured nails scratch at the tablecloth, trying to avoid your new expensive dress, deep midnight color clinging to your nervous self. teeth stress your dark wine bottom lip, anxious eyes darting across the restaurant.

with each face that enters the place, none of them being his, the presumption that he isn’t coming solidifies. with it, comes the embarrassment. you can feel the warnings of tears, already threatening to ruin the mascara you had applied so carefully, not bothering to choose the waterproof one because why would you be crying on your date?

you suppose it’s your own fault- how dare you attempt to get over bucky? how dare you trust the words of a shield agent? you pick at your nails, gathering up the courage to stand up and leave. your waitress, however, beats you to it, a faux apologetic look on her face. “oh, so you’ve been here for, like, half an hour and it seems no one is coming, and we kind of need the table, so…”

you hold back an uncomfortable cringe, nodding stiffly as you stand. “right. i’m sorry. i don’t need to… pay for the water, right?” you ask dumbly, ducking your head when she shakes her head condescendingly.

pushing the door open, you step into the brisk air of the night, clouded over with an uneasy disappointment that you’re sure is because of you. you stand for a second to look at the stars, realizing how pretty of a night this would be if you weren’t so damn frustrated. the upset hasn’t passed yet, although the beginnings of anger are peeking up in your stomach.

while you stare up at the moon, the universe decides your getting stood up wasn’t enough, choosing to gift you with cold droplets of water that make your mascara run. it’s unbelievable, you nearly scoff tearily.

you walk to your car then, the moonlight that should have been romantic when you walked out of the restaurant now only making you feel lonely. you don’t let the tears come yet, having enough pride to not let the smitten couples appreciating the romance of the rain see you cry, deciding to put that off until you’re in the quietness of your room.

you drive in the sound of the pattering rain, concentrated on keeping your breathing even so as to push back the tears, not wanting to have an accident on the way back home because your vision was clouded over with sadness.

-

the relief you feel when you arrive at the compound is immeasurable; the knowledge that all you have to do is walk quietly to your room, and you can release the pent up emotions that eat you whole is unbelievably satisfying. the horrible itching feeling that comes with the tears arrives again when you notice your reflection in the impressively clean windows of the stark compound. through the stains of your ruined makeup, you can see the remnants of how dolled up you were, how much time was spent with the intricate details that made you smile when you looked at yourself in the mirror.

you swallow back the painful lump in your throat, opening the doors and sniffling at the dimly-lit room. your heels click tiredly on the floor, precious bracelet lightly jangling when you move. you can’t find it in yourself to care when you realize you’re dragging water inside, resigning to letting stark lecture you in the morning.

as you stand in the elevator, waiting for it to reach your floor, the emotions you’ve pushed so far down decide to spring back up in the form of an overwhelming dejected exhaustion that makes you physically slump. you lean against the cool of the metal railing, shutting your eyes hard to avoid looking at yourself. you only pry your eyes open when you hear the soft ding of the elevator, surprised and once again embarrassed to see bucky standing between the open doors.

“y/n?” he asks quietly. his demeanor immediately changes when he takes you in, body softer in the way it always is when you’re with him. his reaction makes you fall deeper, which reminds you exactly why you were going on your failed date. you straighten, clearing your throat, “um- i have to get to my room.”

your voice is thin, heightening his worries and stopping you with a gentle hand to your arm before you step off the elevator, “what’s wrong? what happened? are you okay?” he asks, and you nod blindly at all of his questions, realizing that the longer you stay with him- with his warm hand that you can’t help but lean into pressed against your cold arm- the more you really want to cry and scream because it’s not fair that he’s been given to you, yet you can’t have him, even if he has you.

“i’m fine,” you lie obviously, forcing your eyes again from his. “y/n, what happened? you’re clearly not fine,” bucky pushes, the hand on your arm beginning to rub stressed circles into your skin. you give up then, looking back at him. “i got stood up,” you say finally, words cracked. you shake your head, “and i just spent so much time on everything and-”

“that’s stupid. who would stand you up?” bucky interrupts, eyes genuinely confused while you scoff. “apparently anderson from security,” you respond bitterly, looking away. “he’s stupid, y/n. he has to be to not go to a date with you.”

you exhale frustratedly, “maybe not. maybe there’s something wrong with me and i’m the stupid one for even thinking someone would want to go out with me,” you countered. “hey, no, you are- you are amazing, y/n. amazing and stunning and intelligent and he missed his chance to be the luckiest guy in the world,” he insisted, gently pulling your attention back to him with a gentle hand on your cheek. you give him a watery laugh through the loud, unfair questions in your head: why don’t you love me like i love you, then?

you don’t realize the tears that run down the streaks of already ruined mascara until bucky points them out, wiping them away with his fingers, “no, no, don’t cry, please don’t cry,” he begs. you can’t help it, though, biting your lip to hold back your unrequited confessions of love.

“nobody wants me. i don’t even think i want me anymore,” you weep, oblivious to the breaking of bucky’s heart when he hears your words, pulling you flush against his chest. “don’t say that, doll. that’s not true-”

“it is. what other reasons can you think of that explain why i’m the only one that’s shown up to the rare dates i’ve been on? why have i had to go on those stupid dates just to forget how pathetic i am that i can’t get over you?”

you’re too deep in the ocean of your thoughts to realize what you’ve said, too little light available in the dark to let you realize the hints you have and will undoubtedly let out if you continue blubbering into bucky’s shoulder like the mess you are. your feelings are scattered, words so disorganized that any way you piece them together will be a mistake. “why else does the one person who i actually want to love me back not want me?”

bucky can make sense of the words you’re saying, the heavy weight they carry when he realizes exactly what they mean, and what you imply. he’s frozen, heart simultaneously fluttering at the mere thought of his feelings being returned and breaking at the cries you’re letting out because of him.

he’s refused to ever be the source of your pain, restricting his own poems of confessions because he didn’t want to hurt you, never wanting to be the reason you cried. he supposes now it was the wrong choice, one he needs to fix.

the bead of insecurity buried stubbornly in his mind shrieks, however, because he’s as clueless as you are and can’t possibly imagine someone like you- so kind and pure and good- loving him back. so he needs to make sure, needs to hear you say it in your voice.

“what?” you let out a watery scoff, full of embarrassment rather than annoyance at him, “don’t make me say it, bucky, please-”

“please say it- i- i need you to say it.”

a beat of silence passes before you sniffle, pulling away from the man you’ve called your best friend and wanted nothing but to be able to call him more. “i love you, bucky. in a way that makes me pretty sure you’re my soulmate because i don’t even believe in that but you make me feel like i should.”

bucky’s storm clouds lighten, doubts dissolving when he listens to what you said, tasting your words and examining each one just to remember it. he pulls your lips to his when they’ve barely processed. “you should,” he says when he pulls away for a second, only to make you lose your breath again when he aches for you immediately, kissing you again, “believe in soulmates.”

“why is that?” you ask breathlessly, letting him pull you back in because you both have been waiting- dreaming about this for so damn long, and he isn’t sure he’ll ever be able to keep away from you now that he has you. he presses a sloppy kiss to your lips, so perfectly imperfect when your teeth clash and you both laugh gently, noses nudging each other when he leans his forehead on yours, “because we’re meant to be, y/n. in that way that soulmates are.”

[arcadejohn127-9]

Hello!1st I wanted to say i love your blog its *chefs kiss*,and 2nd could I request (i dont know if this is in someway triggering or not so i apologize) a MC who doesnt believe the brothers can love them 'cause they despise themself and they are so set on (?) with that mindset that the brothers cant convince them otherwise,but MC themself wants to feel loved they...just cant...and they just breakdown saying they arent special and when the brothers meet other humans they will realise that MC is nothing,that they are a horrible being and they will leave them for somebody better,does that make sense I dont wanna go too deep into it(totaaaaally not self projecting)I am so sorry if this is a sensitive topic,feel free to ignore this ask,this has been eating me out for weeks so I just wanted to seek some comfort.Once again your blog is great and dont overwork yourself, take care! :D 🤍

I've definitely been there and even now, I still have these fears. Growing out of these Insecurities and feelings are hard even if you work hard to be as confident as you can. One day it'll happen but until then you just gotta keep reminding yourself that you're worth the world

Also tip, please don't rely on others for self worth - people can be cruel or simply just unpredictable. Not all but until you see every colour of a person you don't know. If you depend on someone else to give you worth and make you feel good then that'll start a very unhealthy cycle for yourself

I hate this phase "love yourself before you love others" because you don't need to, you can find healthy and happy relationships whilst insecure. But I think what it really means is; get self worth before you love another. Make sure you don't do yourself damage by giving you Someone who does the bare minimum or will sometimes make you feel good but is usually a dick.

You can find love but that love can be wrong if you don't pay attention to the red flags. Don't let your insecurities drag you into unhealthy relationships.

Because you are stunning, worth it and loveable. You're Someone people can look up to or admire even if it's for something simple like your humour.

Also thank you, I'll be sure to not overwork myself, make sure you don't pressure yourself too hard about work or your hobbies. Hobbies are all about fun!

Warning: self loathing, depressive themes, angst

You could stand it.

Your eyes traveled along the gifts and trinkets that were in your room. Each one gifted to you by a powerful demon; a demon you live with.

You couldn't stand it.

You could get it; why would someone like that every like you? You weren't special and yet Everyone insisted that you were. You're not the key. Not anything Diavolo wants or expects. Definitely not what the brothers want.

You had to scoff. The brothers only like you because of Lilith, if you were related then they'd never see you as anything but some human. Lilith dragged you here, she made sure you came here and for what? To be always told you're going to be some big thing; someone to destroy hatred and help bring together three realms.

Do they not realize how much pressure that is??!!!! And the how are you even going to do that?! You're magic is unpredictable and useless - it perfectly reflects you.

You whimpered at your own thoughts. The word useless stinging at your heart; it was almost if a knife lodged itself into your chest. Constantly stabbing the word useless into it.

You were useless. They need to find someone who can actually live up to their expectations. Just a good for nothing human....why do they even like you?

You looked back at the gifts, your watery stare turning into a hateful glare.

The question was burning inside your head. You couldn't understand; what did he see in you? You're not special! You're not anything anyone wants you to be and you're just being forced on a pedestal you didn't make!

Why did he always look at you the way he does? Like you actually mean something. Why does he smile so softly when you enter the room?

Why would he be like that when you KNOW that as soon as he meets another human, he'll be running after them without hesitation. Everyone was so much more attractive than you and better than you - you couldn't get why he loved you. Why- no how?! You weren't good enough for him!

No matter how many times he says I love you or compliments you it leaves such a bitter disgusting taste in your mouth. You're so horrible you can't even let people be nice to you - it's all a lie anyway. No one could love you. Never. No one!

You were useless! Disgusting! You weren't even attractive! You weren't loveable! You're a horrible person who looks just as horrible as they are. How can they look at you like that?! How can they stand you?! You're nothing!

You don't get it!

Why?! Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why-!

A scream ripped itself out of your throat. Tears streaming down your face as you clutched your head. Your body curled into itself, shaking and trembling as you choked on your sobs. You coughed through it as you tried to breath but the tears kept coming. Drowning you as you desperately tried to breath under their weight.

The pain was unbelievable. You felt like your head was on fire. You could barely even make out the figure standing at your door. Whoever they were, they scooped you up from the floor and rubbed circles into your arms. You clutched to them for dear life as you cried.

Somewhere in your brain you could tell who it was and it only made you cry harder. Shame filling your lungs as you tried to escape their caring embrace.

"No-! Stop it! I'm nothing! I'm useless-! Let me go-!! Why- why won't you leave me alone?! I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! LET ME DIE-!"

were you dying? You felt like it. The ache was painful; your chest growing tighter and tighter. You pounded on their chest, demanding they let you be the useless thing that you are alone.

Lucifer:

He forced back his tears

Just rubbing circles into your skin as he held you

To think you were this Insecure despite being the nicest person who knew

You were Better than him and don't let pride stop you - you were amazing

"not good enough for me? What made you believe that...? You're perfect for me, you complete me."

You denied his claims, sobbing as you listed your insecurities

"Your insecurities don't define you, you're so much more than that - I wouldn't of picked you to be my love if I didn't think you'd be adequate."

He wasn't sure if you were still listening but he pushed past his doubts

Adjusting you in his embrace

"I- I'm not sure if I'm comforting you....I'm not good at being the gentle hand, I want you to see how I see you - you're kind, charming and always keeping me in awe, you mean so much to me, I'll trade anything I could just to see you smile - I love you."

Mammon:

There can only be one self loathing idioit in this relationship

He refuses to let you feel like how he has

His forced confidence - you could easily see through it - anyone could

But you were the only one who then actually helped him feel better when you did see through it

He let a few tears stray, holding you close

"did someone say something to you? I don't forgive 'em for ever making ya this upset, I'm not letting you feel like this."

You shook your head, muttering that he should let you

"why should I? You're my favourite person and you've only made me happy - so let me make you happy! You're the only person who's ever treated me the way ya treat me and I won't let you hate yourself!"

He hugged you even tighter, squeezing you as he hid his face in your shoulder

"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, okay? You always know how to make me feel better and it's my turn to make you feel better but you gotta listen to me! I lo-love you! The great Mammon loves you so badly that he just wants to kiss you every day! You're amazing and I won't forgive ya if you let yourself keep going on like this, let me support you.... please...I don't want you to go."

Levithan:

He couldn't get it

He's always been jealous of your personality and ability to make others feel good

His envy makes him despise himself - so seeing you be the same, he couldn't take it

He gave you one big squeeze

"d-don't be stupid! You're the best thing that's come into my life - even better than ruri-chan!"

You didn't believe him, he was obessed with that character

"but it's true-! If I could I'd get loads of merchandise of you too because you're my favourite person! You're just like the protagonists I read about."

His face was beat red but he was determined to make you feel better

"You're Henry, you are brave and kind, always trying your best even if that best isn't up to your own or others standards, you Inspire me! I've thought about of making a series about you...so others can feel just as happy as I do when I see you, you make me feel less insecure and like I actually mean something - why can I do to make you feel the same? You mean everything to me! I really like you....I like-like you-! I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! Let me make you feel how you make me feel because then you'll see just how amazing you are!"

Satan:

Did someone makes you feel like this or was it just your own thoughts?

If it isn't the latter he'll need to find out who's hurt you

But right now, he hugged you tighter and cradled your head

He couldn't stand to see and hear you so destressed

"did I do something to make you feel like this? I'm so sorry if I did, I don't always realize when I come off rude or hateful- I could never hate you."

You held him tight, telling him to stop

"but I need to fix it if I've hurt you and if it wasn't me then whoever did needs to keep quiet, you don't deserve these feelings."

You huffed, trying to not cry more

He gave your Shoulder a small squeeze

"you're more than enough for me, you're so good to me - sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for you, you're always so patient with me and don't make me feel like I'm some unthinking beast, you don't think I'm lying when I be genuine and that makes me love you - I do love you - you make me feel good and I want to do the same for you, you're beyond good and I'll always be happy with the person you are and can become because I know you can do so much and always bring positivity even in the darkest times."

Asmodeus:

He's crying too

He hated of being seen as insecure

He only wanted confidence

Seeing you sob and beat on yourself like this only reminded him of his most private moments

He held you even closer, rocking you gently

"No, dear, I love you too much to let you feel like this, you're amazing to me and I think you're better than even myself, you're my number 1."

You shook your head, telling him he's lying

"I'm not, why would I lie? You're the sweetest person I know, you don't see me as some sex object - you make me feel real and happy - so so happy."

He kissed the top of your head, hiding his tear streaked face

"I want you to be happy....you deserve it, you've got only so long to live and I'm so scared that you're going to hate yourself even until you die, I don't want that! You're beautiful amazing and I could never ask for anyone better! Please- just let's work on our confidence together...okay? You're so wonderful, don't let yourself become so hateful."

Beezlebub:

He's absolutely broken

How didn't he realize you felt this bad about yourself??

He didn't even realize he was crying aswell, just holding you close as his mind screamed at him

"did something make you feel like this? It hurts to hear you say these things."

You shook your head before nodding, muttering you just won't talk anymore

"I didn't mean that, I always want you to be open with me and if not me, atleast one of my brother's."

He picked you up, placing you in a more comfortable position and held you close to his chest

"I love you, it took me awhile to realize that but I do, you make me feel full and happy - like I just ate a big buffet of warm cakes and dishes, I'm always warm when I'm with you, I don't believe you're not good enough - you're kind to me and never judge me for eating, you help me with working out but most importantly, you fixed my family and brought my twin back, I don't know how to make you see how much that means to me and I don't want you to feel bad about yourself when you're always the best person in the room - you're really great."

Belphegor:

"just let me die"

Those words hurt him so bad

He was like that, he demanded to be left to Rot with his own self loathing when Lilith died

He pulled you close to his chest as he grabbed your shoulder

"You're not allowed to feel like this, you've done nothing to feel this much hatred towards yourself."

You told him he was wrong, crying harder

"when am I wrong? I- okay, I can be wrong but I'm not wrong about you, you're my favourite person which means I love you and I don't let my favourite people sit and cry."

He cuddled you, nuzzling his cheek against yours

"You saved me and I will never able to make it up to you, I've hurt you and I hate it- I hate that I'm a reason you get scared, don't ever let yourself rot away, when my brother's just leave me to sleep I always feel so much dread - that I'm being left to die in my bed and will never get to see their faces again - I'll never be able to see your face again....I wouldn't be able to take it.....seeing you everyday makes me want to leave my bed and always make sure you smile, let me make you smile again."

[seraphinitegames]

Seraphinite Games Update 2021

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope it's already starting off to be a great one for you all!

This is going to be quite a long update this time :D

So, basically, I need to change up the way I'm doing things. I was freaking out before Christmas because I didn't have enough time to do everything.

Thankfully, I have Nai on my team now, and wow, I am in serious awe of her organisation skills!

She sat me down calmly at our meeting and figured out everything that needs to be done as well as how to plan it in! She took everything I was anxious about and made it work!!

Things were fine for Book One and even most of Book Two, but I've got so much more social media, and other things, as well as Book Three being SO big. Like, the sheer amount of variations, branches and content going into it. You may not get to see it all in a playthrough, but I'm hoping replays will show just how much is going into it!

Now I'm not complaining about this in the slightest! I am so excited about what's going in this book and that I can put it in there. It's everything I've ever wanted to create in a story! Like, I can't spoil anything, but there's so many chapters in this that I am dying to write the variations for!!

But that doesn't stop the fact that it takes time. More time than I needed for Book One or Two, and I just couldn't find the time on top of social media and everything else that goes along with this last year.

Yet obviously, I still really wanna talk to you guys :D Getting to interact with you and get excited about what's coming and share in your enthusiasm keeps me unbelievably motivated!

It's just now I have a better way of doing it instead of getting so completely overwhelmed.

Nai reminded me that I brought her on board to help ease my tasks, so I need to actually use her for that, hehe :D

So Nai is going to take over the reblogs on Tumblr for me, as well as running my Instagram account. Tuesday and Thursday will still be the days for my pictures, it's just I will send them to her to post for me, then she's got so amazing plans on stuff she wants to do with Instagram too!

She already handles Facebook and Twitter for me, so that's all the same.

I will be cutting down on the amount of asks I do everyday on Tumblr, there will be about 2-3 asks and 2 matchups. But, Nai made yet another fantastic suggestion, so we're going to get a video up together once a month on Youtube where I answer Tumblr asks or asks from other platforms.

Hopefully that means I have more time to properly answer asks. Last year, I was trying to answer as many asks I could fit into my day, but I wasn't getting the time to really answer them as I wanted! I’m also just not willing to go through the amount of horrible messages I get anymore, so I need less of that everyday.

That video will probably be released on the last Wednesday of every month. Things might change as we bed in this new schedule.

Patreon will be exactly the same. I'll still be the main on that one for messages, comments, etc. Though I will be adding a monthly poll to the $5+ tiers...partly because I'm nosey and want to see how you guys play Wayhaven, hehe ;D

Nai also helped me come up with a whole year's worth of content ideas, and guys...there's some really good stuff coming, including the long awaited Book One first meeting scene from the LI's pov, and another Character Q+A!

The weekly updates and update+ will be the same.

Also in even more incredible news, SpunkyCatNinja has officially joined the Seraphinite Games team as editor!! Yay!

I mean, she was already a major part of it, but now it's proper official!

All of this should hopefully mean that I get to have more time for the thing we're all really here for...the actual game :D Somewhere we can go away from the world/internet/social media/real life to romance 4 hot vampires and feel like we're really part of a story and world.

I'm feeling super optimistic about this new plan of action, especially after how much I was freaking out before Christmas! 

So here's to an amazing and productive 2021! <3

[startanewdream]

Oh my God, Mah! Happy Birthday to you in advance! ❤❤ Never missing an opportunity to read more of your writing. Here's a prompt:

“Is it really that hard for you to admit that I’m clever?” “Yes.”

Thank you so much, Claudia! ❤ You are too lovely!

Hope you enjoy Lily pushing James against the wall (metaphorically, of course) 😁:

‘I thought you didn’t fancy me anymore,’ Lily declares, her voice too casual for the way these words make James’ heart start a fast race towards his early death.

‘W-what?’

‘Fancy me,’ she repeats, unfazed, not seeming to notice the way his mouth is dry and he is sweating suddenly. She places a lock of her hair behind her ear, face as serene as if she was talking about the cool weather. ‘You nearly got me convinced we could be friends.’

‘We are friends,’ he insists. ‘I mean—we are, right?’

‘Yeah,’ agrees Lily, warmer now. ‘But I mean just friends. That kind of friendship where there is nothing between them, like… me and Sirius, I guess.’

‘Sirius? Really? Everyone is attracted to Sirius. I have a crush on Sirius.’

‘Nah, he’s not really my type. My type is strangely oblivious.’ Lily watches him quiet for a moment, but James cannot understand what she’s talking about. There is only panic inside him as he considers where he has slipped, where he couldn’t keep his feelings for her at bay. ‘Well, in any case, you like me.’

‘As friends,’ he declares at once, urging her to believe in him.

‘Friends don’t get jealous because I was talking to another boy.’

There is a conceited gleam on her eyes as she says it that’s strangely familiar to James; he has already seen it in his reflection on the mirror and he’s under the impression she learned that with him.

‘You mean Smith? He’s the captain of the Hufflepuff team and we’re gonna play them this weekend. That wasn’t jealousy, just… Gryffindor pride.’

‘Oh, right, and last week when Corner was trying to ask me out and you kept mentioning all the reasons he was a git?’

‘Overly excessive Gryffindor chivalry. You deserve someone far better.’

‘Like you?’

James sighs. ‘No,’ he admits, and that’s the problem, isn’t it? Lily deserves someone much better than him, which is why he should be glad to just be her friend.

And now he screwed up even that.

‘Oh, James,’ she takes a step closer to him, but he shakes his head. He can’t deal with pity, not from her.

‘We are friends. Just that. I… I won’t bother you.’

Lily blinks. ‘You save me a toast every Tuesday morning for breakfast because I always wake up late after Astronomy class the night before. You distract me every time I get an owl from home because you know the letter will make me upset. You go to the kitchen with me anytime I’m craving for a dessert even before I say anything.’

‘I know you… as I know my friends.’

‘Yeah, but it’s not the same, is it?’ Her voice becomes softer. ‘I’ve been watching you and wondering if it was one-sided, but things just keep adding and... Is it really that hard for you to admit that I’m clever here?’

‘Yes.’ She raises one eyebrow and James suddenly realizes what he just said. ‘No! I mean, I know you are clever, but…’

Lily sighs, watching him as if he is unbelievable, and takes another step closer to him, her face dangerously closer.

‘So if we are just friends, one kiss wouldn’t make any difference, would it?’

She is right, but James can only think of the differences that this would mean for his friendship with Lily. Could he survive after one kiss? One friendly kiss that would make him long for more?

He hesitates.

‘James,’ she sighs again, watching him with a mix of exasperation and tenderness. ‘You are so oblivious. How do I think I noticed all those things about you?’

‘I am horrible at pretending I don’t fancy you?’

‘No, silly. It’s because I was watching you too. Have been for a while now.’

‘Watching me? As in—’

‘As in wanting to punch something when you were talking to Dearborn, or when you got too close to teach Flint that charm movement. And enough to save you a piece of orange cake after every full moon because you always come late for breakfast and I know you love it.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, you are clearly the most clever here, Evans,’ James declares, beaming.

‘Now, how about I exercise some Gryffindor bravery and kiss you?’

‘That’d be very daring,’ he agrees, pulling her into his arms. Their kiss is fire, red and gold fireworks and very Gryffindor as far as James is concerned.

[spencersawkward]

omg omg i know matthews birthday isnt for a couple weeks but i would die for a bday sex one shot omg

i made you wait so long for this i'm so sorry omg. one-shots usually take me longer bc i want them to be detailed!

summary: reader has plans for Matthew’s 41st birthday, but things take their own turn. 

content warnings: unprotected penetrative sex, oral (male receiving), degradation, Soft!Dom Matthew with some fluff, too; fingering, creampie, implied age gap. 

pairing: Fem!Reader/Matthew

word count: 4.3k

masterlist

I haul the enormous bag of flour onto the counter, grunting. it's early afternoon, and my day has been spent wrapping all of Matthew's gifts and trying to plan out the perfect birthday celebration. he's turning 41, and all I want is for him to feel as special as he feels to me. the cake is the last piece of the puzzle, and I'm hoping that my less-than-excellent culinary skills improve over the course of the next few hours.

I set out all the ingredients first, swaying to my music while I go through the recipe and decide how much I need. it shouldn't be too complicated, right? just chocolate cake with buttercream frosting. I thought I'd try to recreate the Rumple Buttercup cartoon with it, but now I'm not so sure. that might be flirting with disaster.

instead of deciding right there, I just get started on the batter. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

the air is thick with sweetness and warmth as the oven slowly pre-heats and I stir together the silky smooth chocolate batter. I pour the mix into a round baking pan, tapping it a bit to make sure it's even, before pushing it into the oven. naturally, I lick the whisk clean.

my phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out to see that Matthew's texted me.

on my way home now!

my heart stutters in my chest as I check the time. he's definitely early; he told me this morning that he wouldn't be at home until at least seven. my eyes flicker to the cake, over the messy kitchen, and back to my screen.

early?

yep. can't wait to see you. followed by a series of heart emojis. I start to panic a little. this throws my whole schedule off; I was going to do my hair, pick up food from his favorite restaurant, set the table, litter the bed with rose petals. I wanted everything to be just right for him; it's the first time he's had a birthday with me.

and now he's going to come home to me with flour-dusted cheeks and a half-baked cake. I quickly clean the kitchen and wipe my face before running off to the bedroom, rifling through my closet for something nice. thank god I already showered this morning because there's no way I'd have time now. I find the dress I'd planned to wear, red and slinky and pretty, before dropping my clothes and changing right away.

truly, I move at the speed of light when I do my hair, scatter the rose petals, and call the restaurant to get our order started. we'll need to run out and get it, but Matthew likes going for walks, so that shouldn't be a problem.

the smell of chocolate wafts through the house while I tie an apron around my waist and get a bowl out of the cabinets. the cake needs to cool for a while, but I might as well get started on the frosting. who knows how long that'll take?

too damn long, apparently.

Matthew opens the front door while I'm halfway through my crumb coat, the soft green shade of the Rumple Buttercup colors coming along nicely. I start to panic a little when I hear his footsteps on the stairs.

"Y/N!" he calls out.

"kitchen!" I respond without moving. he probably shouldn't see the cake, but at this point it's too late. there's fluffy buttercream frosting and food coloring all over my apron. all I can do is wait patiently as he strolls into the room.

"what are you up to?" he sets his hand on my back, smiling.

"making your cake, birthday boy."

"mmm." he wraps a hand around my arm, drags it down while leaning his chin on my shoulder. "looks really nice so far."

"you like the color?" I ask.

"I do." he mumbles, starting to touch my waist. "what material is this?"

"silk."

"you know I love that." he squeezes my waist and I have to resist the blush spreading up my cheeks. he's affectionate right now, and I want to resist, but it's hard.

"what're you doing?" I question playfully in response to the drifting of his fingers down my thighs.

"I'm excited to see you."

"I'm excited to see you, too, but we have a strict schedule tonight."

Matthew groans and drops his head into the space between my neck and shoulder. his hands don't leave my hips.

"why?" he whines.

"because I want you to have the best birthday ever." I smooth off the top of the cake, sighing when he digs his fingernails into me. it feels heavenly, and the featherlight kisses he's leveling on my jaw are making me woozy.

"making me wait?" he brushes over my ass, squeezing the flesh lightly. "that's cruel."

I laugh a little and swipe my finger through the frosting.

"try this and tell me if I'm still cruel."

he grabs my hand in both of his, sliding my index into his mouth and licking it off of me. my jaw drops in surprise before he pulls away and drops it. it's unbelievably sexy.

"that is really good." he smiles, then kisses my cheek in an alarmingly innocent manner. he knows what he's doing. "don't be a tease, darling."

"you--" I stutter, trying to regain my concentration. it's futile at this point; it isn't until he moves away from my body that I'm able to keep working on the cake. he only glances with a knowing smirk, walking around the counter to sit across from me.

"how was your day?"

"my day was jam-packed with planning for a little ingrate's birthday." I joke.

"I'm not an ingrate." he protests. one look at his pout and I feel guilty for teasing. standing on tiptoes, I lean over the counter and plant a kiss on his mouth.

"you're right, I'm sorry," I sigh. "I just had a whole plan and when you came home early, I didn't have time for all of it."

"what can I do?" he offers immediately. I scowl.

"you're not gonna help me prepare your birthday celebration, silly."

"but I wanna make it easier."

"you wanna make it easier?" I ask, the corners of my lips quirking up. he nods enthusiastically and I hold his gaze. "I need to go pick up our dinner, so you can walk with me."

"ooh, yes!" he leaps up in an almost child-like manner, coming around to my side again. I nuzzle into his shoulder as I finish piping the face onto the cake. he snorts when he sees the completed project. "is that Rumple?"

"shut up, it looks so bad." I complain. my body leans into his in defeat. even though I tried, Rumple looks like he's been possessed and exorcised in one sitting: he's got crazy eyes and a lopsided face.

"no, it's beautiful," he pecks the top of my head. "he's supposed to look funny."

all I can do is turn around and hug him, giggling at the absolute monstrosity that I've created. he wraps his arms around me tightly and we start to sway a little.

"I feel like Victor Frankenstein." I laugh. he untangles our bodies to tilt my chin up and look at him.

"you're way cuter." he rubs my nose with his own. I'm smiling so big, it hurts. he makes me so unbelievably happy, I can't imagine not being by his side. Matthew is the best boyfriend in the world, and I really want everything to live up to his expectations.

our fingers thread together briefly before we get ready to go pick up our food.

...

"I am literally going to combust." I giggle, throwing my napkin onto the table. red wax drips down the sides of the candle between us, and Matthew's eyes are starry as he watches me talk.

"good?" he asks.

"amazing. how was yours?"

"could barely get it down." he gestures to the empty plate. I throw my head back and laugh more than I should. Matthew frowns. "what?"

"that's such a dad joke."

"really?" he laughs along with me until we're both just smiling brightly at each other. I don't want to step too far; we've been dating under a year, still. but I see myself with Matthew forever. we've already moved in together; I've never felt so strongly as I feel for him, and I think that he feels it, too. in our bones.

"yes, but I like dad jokes."

"come here." he holds his arms out and I get up from the table, walking over to sit on his lap. he shifts so I can be more comfortable, and I place both hands on my stomach.

"I have such a food baby right now."

"do you?" he sets one hand over the bump. I lean my head into his shoulder, curling up a little. he starts to rub my tummy gently, holding me close while we sit in a relative quiet. "I like it."

"mmm." I hum, wrapping my arms around his neck. although he could easily turn this sexual, he doesn't. we just linger, breathing and letting our food settle. I really am full; the chances of me falling asleep are higher than not.

I ask Matthew to tell me more about his day as I sit there, and the rumble of his voice in his chest is soothing. as the candle wax drips further and further down, I watch it with lethargic eyes. I've had a hard year-- Matthew's made it better. he can read me like a book, and he listens like I've got all the answers in the world. I love him. and when I head to the kitchen to slice the cake, he follows me with his arms around my waist. we move like two people who have been together a long time, like we can anticipate the next person's movement down to the flicker of their eye contact, down to their step.

"I can't believe you have room for dessert." I grab a knife from the drawer, along with some plates. Matthew kisses my head.

"I've got room for multiple desserts."

"was that a sexual allusion or are you actually hungry?" I turn briefly to gauge his behavior. if he hasn't had enough to eat, I'll feel horrible. but he leans down to my ear. it still sends a shiver down my spine.

"definitely sexual," he smirks, then retreats. "let's do this, though, first. I want a piece of Rumple's eyeball."

"just get out the candles so I can do this for you." I push him away. he heads to the cupboard and returns with the pack of candles that I begin to spear into the cake. I only put in ten because there's not room for forty-one, but he doesn't seem to mind as I light them up individually.

"go sit down! you weren't even supposed to come in here." I laugh as I lift the dish into my arms and shoo him into the other room. Matthew gives me a sidelong look, smiling for an unknown reason, before following my orders.

he pretends to look surprised when I bring the thing out to him, mouth making a pleased O shape.

"wow!" he cheers.

"make a wish, then, my love." I tell him. he inhales deeply, then blows out the candles. one or two stragglers remain, their flames flickering before he tries again and snuffs them out. I clap my hands.

"happy birthday, baby!"

he grins at me and starts to pluck the candles out of the cake. "you didn't sing to me." he says.

"trust me, that was a gift in itself." I laugh before picking up the knife. "how big a slice do you want?"

Matthew seems to think for a second on this, squinting as he examines the thing.

"big."

"alright then." I cut an enormous hunk out, making sure to get one of the maddened eyeballs on it before sliding it onto the plate and giving it to him. "enjoy."

"oh, I will." before I can move to sit across from him, he reaches out and pulls me into his lap. I let out a surprised noise, but settle in anyway on his thigh while I cut my own slice of cake. we eat together.

"it's actually pretty good." I'm impressed with myself. sure, it's not a super complicated recipe. but I still did well. Matthew wraps his arm around my waist, one hand holding his plate while the other digs the fork in.

"it's amazing." he nods through a mouthful of food.

"how's the eye?"

"how you'd expect a vitreous humor to taste." he jokes, laughing as I elbow him in the ribs. "ow!" he complains. I swipe some of the frosting off the top of his slice and tap it over his nose. he wrinkles it at the sensation.

"maybe I'll just leave." I move to get up, but he keeps me in place. his little smile, so determined in its happiness, makes my heart soften. for all of his teasing, he's weak for me, and I love it. when I lean down a little to lick the icing off, he blushes.

"when can I have you?" he asks quietly, one hand resting on the top of my bare thigh. it tightens around my skin, growing more aware of my presence in his lap. I bite my lip and mull this over, subtly draw the hem of my dress up a bit just to tease him.

"I'm thinking..." this time, he lets me get up. my fingers slide through his, dragging him with me. "now."

Matthew gets an excited grin on his face before I spin around and lead him to the bedroom. a couple candles are burning, filling the room with a deep, sensual smell that he inhales as he stops in his tracks.

"did you put rose petals on our bed?" he chuckles, staring at me with his eyebrows raised in an adoring expression. I run my palms up his chest, stopping below his shoulders. I poke my tongue between my teeth as I smile.

"yes, I did."

"very romantic."

"is it?" I lift an eyebrow. it takes everything in me not to pounce on him right then.

"consider me seduced."

"if you ever use that word again, I'm calling this off." I laugh. he silences it in a kiss, eagerly gathering my body up in his arms as he tilts his head to deepen it. a slight moan slips through me, pleased with the gentle, innocent pleasure he elicits. he's softer than velvet. when he crushes the silk of my dress in his fist, lifting it over my ass so he can touch me without barriers, he groans.

"did I pay for this?" he rolls the fabric between his fingers.

"mhmm." I hum.

"good." his breath hitches when the zipper comes down easily, the garment falling to the floor and leaving me in brand new black lingerie. his eyes move hungrily over my body, pupils dilating further as he takes in the curves of my figure.

"this is new."

I twist around a bit, showing him the back as well, his grip on my waist loosening only to allow me this movement. "you like it?"

he groans. "I love it."

I want to start undressing him, greedy for the sight of his naked body, but he reaches down and lifts me into his arms, my legs wrapping around him while he carries me to the floral-covered mattress. I sink into a rosy paradise, almost give into the alluring sensations he causes with his fingertips over my skin.

he's between my legs, teeth seeking out collarbone and the swell of my chest. it would be so, so easy to remain here, pinned down and allowing him to let loose on me. every deliberate shadow on my body is like a sunburst. but I can't.

I grab his shoulders and yank him down next to me. he peers at me with a smile, wondering what I've got in store. the answer is too loaded to fit into one sentence, so I watch him move up the bed until he's resting his head on the pillow, my legs moving to straddle him.

"taking control?" he questions. he knows I don't usually like to be on top. instead of replying, I reach behind me and undo the clasps of my bra, sliding it from my arms before tossing it somewhere else. his eyes widen and he goes to grab at my tits, but I'm too quick. I lean down, unbuttoning his shirt and drawing my nails over his chest as I lower myself to his pants.

Matthew is silent, open-mouthed at the red marks I leave behind on his smooth skin. it's intoxicating for me, too, and I work quickly to tug his bottoms down his legs, the boxers with them. when his dick is released, I let him struggle through a moment of no contact.

"let me touch you." he goes to stroke himself. my gaze flickers between the length he's now gripping in his hand and the needy look on his face. I want to fuck him right now. every cell in my body aches for him, for the pleasure that so violently rips through my veins when he's inside.

"not yet." I betray myself, and his hips buck into empty air when he sees my torso so close to his erection. when I drop my head and lick up the underside, he lets go of himself and allows me to tease him. I pause at the tip, then hold the base while I spit on it.

"shit!" he grunts as I start to swirl my tongue around him. his fingers run through my hair. "suck on it, baby."

all I do is moan, the vibration torturing him. I peek up through my lashes and see the veins in his neck throbbing while he resists the urge to fuck my mouth. I soften and lower my head slowly, inch by inch swallowing his cock. he hits the back of my throat. the slight gag that runs through me makes him sigh. it's then that I tap his hand as our signal to push my head down.

Matthew loses it. he starts to shove my mouth onto him, fucking it, one hand reaching behind him to grab the top of the headboard while he groans.

"choke on it... fuck." he moans. there are tears in my eyes from the pressure, but I keep looking at him the whole time. he's gorgeous, mouth dropped open in ecstasy while he goes between rolling his eyes into the back of his head and staring with an intense desire.

every time I gag, he lets out an unholy noise and gets excited all over again, his hips moving to meet my lips until he's on the edge of falling apart. his cock twitches and I moan, but he's not willing to finish.

"get over here so I can fuck you." his voice is borderline raspy as he forces himself to release my head. I sit up and wipe the spit from my mouth, crawling on top of him again to leave some of my favorite marks on his neck. he's mine. every bite stands to prove it, and his quick breaths let me know that he's not going to wait much longer.

his fingertips hook in the waistband of my panties and he pushes them down my thighs, purses his lips while he watches me shimmy out of them. it's wonderful, seeing the disarray in his face whenever he catches sight of my naked form. he never knows where to touch first, moving over my breasts to my waist and hips down to my legs. like he's trying to blend our bodies together by simply drinking me in.

I tense when he reaches out and sinks two fingers into me. I'm so wet, it takes almost no pressure.

"fucking soaked, huh?" he smirks. my hands steady themselves on his shoulders as he starts to pump in and out of me. I groan.

"get inside, please." I murmur nearly incoherently. he starts to go faster, his cock throbbing against his stomach. but he wants me to squirm and beg.

"oh, so you've got demands?" he teases. his fingers curl in my pussy, brushing over my special spot, and I almost gasp at the pleasure. "after making me wait?"

"I just--" I start to defend myself, but it's fruitless. he guides my face down to his, whispering in my ear.

"let me guess: you just wanted me to have a good birthday?"

"yes." a choked, desperate reply.

"let me show you what kind of present I want, then." he removes his fingers and lines himself up at my entrance, pushing me all the way down before sliding the pads of his digits into my mouth. I lick them clean while I moan. his cock is so deep inside me, I can barely breathe.

the combined pressures between my hips and on my tongue, make me give up on drawing this out. it feels so good, I couldn't stop myself if I wanted to. I rise up a bit and sink onto him again, his jaw clenched at the sensation. he lets me do this a couple times and then pauses my actions.

"get on your hands and knees." he orders. I lift myself obediently, whining slightly at the loss of contact, before he sits up and switches positions so that he's kneeling behind. I wait patiently for him to do what he wants with me. he doesn't disappoint.

softly, he pushes my head down so that my cheek rests against the pillow while he slides in from the back. it's a completely different angle and I can barely handle the way he works through the tightness, his moans louder this time.

"thought you could sit on it and I would just let you?" he chuckles darkly, pulling out and moving in. my breath rattles in my chest at the repeated, delicious intrusions. my eyelids flutter shut while he keeps talking to me in that commanding, low tone. "you're my little slut."

the moan that comes from my lips is pathetic, like a mewl. he plows into me and my face presses into the mattress.

"such a perfect little pussy," his hands lure my hips to him while he groans at the new depths he keeps finding. "so responsive for me."

"faster, Matthew." I whine. although he's not going slow, I need more. the slam of his body against mine, from this angle, creates just short of enough friction for my clit. he follows my request, however, and fucks me at an insatiable pace.

"you like that?" he grunts. I literally don't have the mobility to nod, so I shove my ass back instead to take more. he bucks. "you feel so fucking good."

I whimper and he starts to stimulate my clit by reaching around, lowering himself a bit to do so. he keeps his arm pressed to my stomach so he can feel the bulge of his cock sliding in and out of me. "good girl. take it."

my fingertips fist the sheets and I whine as my orgasm approaches. he switches the pattern of pressure, finding what makes me fall apart fastest. I'm on the edge, my mouth dropping open in a silent cry. my hips start to move on their own, working against his cock as I moan his name and tumble into the abyss.

"Matthew, right there-- fuck me, fuck me--" I moan. he rams his hips so hard, the headboard slams the wall and he groans.

"you're gonna make me break you, baby." he warns. I bite my lip so hard that I almost puncture the skin, feeling like a planetary collision is occurring within my lower stomach. I'm coming up on a second climax.

"break me, then." I dare.

Matthew wraps his arm around my chest and brings me up so that I'm leaning against his chest while he whispers in my ear. "defiant little whores don't get my cum."

"but--" I complain, hips wriggling for more while he thrusts into me.

"apologize or I'll stop fucking you right now." he slows just to demonstrate the torture of not being inside me. I grasp at his hips to coax him, but he's determined. I take a shaky breath at the smooth, slow movements.

"I'm sorry." I beg. he reaches down and starts to play with my bundle of nerves again. as much as he wants to make me crash, he loves the way this feels, too.

"mmm," he hums while laying sloppy kisses along my neck. "good thing I wanna fill you up for being so sweet today."

his thrusts are uncontrolled and needy, rapid pushes between my legs that cause me to start shaking all over again. he rubs my clit and moans in my ear, spilling.

"I love you so much." he mumbles. the hand holding me to him squeezes one of my tits while I arch my spine and enjoy the slowing pace of our bodies. I moan his name.

"I love you, too." I'm in awe of how he changes for me, his attitude shifts whenever we're in bed. it's cosmic, how we fit together. and his withdrawal from my body causes both of us to collapse onto the bed with exhaustion.

I can only suck in air for a while. my limbs are like lead, in the best way.

"that was hot." he mutters. I turn to him, admiring his beautiful features, and nod lazily.

"a successful birthday, then?"

"after that cake? yeah." he scoffs jokingly and I giggle before curling into him. he traces his fingertips down my skin. "do you wanna take a shower?"

"I'm so tired." I groan. Matthew glances at me.

"I'm the one who just turned forty-one."

"shut up."

"come on, then. let's get you cleaned up."

he rises from the mattress, bringing me with him. a few stray rose petals flutter onto the ground.

[obey-only-me]

Kitten Lessons (Lucifer x F!Mc x Satan) By: Akuzondelivery

No one was going near the library. The volume of their conversation alone let everyone know that this was going to be a long argument. Satan and Lucifer were fighting. Again.

“What are they fighting about?” You had to yell over the rumble of curse words and energy as you stood in front of the door.

“I don’t remember but it’s never anything important!” Mammon yelled with his fingers in his ears.

The other brothers may be used to this but there was no way you could live like this.

When they still hadn’t left the library after dinner had been cleaned up, you stood in front of the door again. It felt dark...very dark. And the noises were so loud it was impossible to tell what language was being spoken. But you built up your courage! These brothers need a mediator!

Making a fist you banged on the large walnut doors as hard as you could. The sound was muffled by the loud screeches yet everything came to a halt at your soft by comparison knocks. Taking a deep breath you opened the door to the library and bravely stepped in.

“Uh-um, hey you two.” Your voice was quiet as you entered the room, closing the door behind you.

Scanning the room you spotted Lucifer sitting behind a desk reading and Satan at a table in front of a couch...also reading. The two were acting nonchalantly as possible but you could see the anger vibrating off of them. What could have possibly sparked such tense energy?

You weren’t sure what to say so you sat on a couch between the two, sharing the table with Satan. On it were several books on cats, familiars, and how to raise kittens.

Oh geez...Satan wants a cat. Again. And Lucifer definitely already said no. Again.

You couldn’t help but pick up one of the books that was left open to a page of kittens. Satan watched you carefully as you thumbed through the pages.

“MC what are you doing,” Satan asked with a slightly annoyed sigh.

“Well I’m in the library...just thought I’d do some reading. In the LIBRARY!” You made sure it echoed, hoping they’d take the hint you were annoyed by their fighting.

Another silence fell over the room. You peaked over Satan’s shoulder to see Lucifer fidgeting in his seat. He met your gaze but turned away a little embarrassed. If you’re annoyed then it certainly must have been some display. Even Satan had a regretful look. But you ignored them, hoping the pretend cold shoulder would be enough to break them.

Staying in character you flipped a page roughly to see how they would react. Satan sighed again but kept himself from caving. The rough treatment of the pages was really getting to him. Those were some of his favorite cat books. After the third or fourth flip he broke.

“You can’t do that MC, the pages will rip.” Satan sighed as he took the book from you. But you smiled now that he was sitting next to you. Holding the book and flipping the pages gently for you. His eyes lit up as he spoke about the cats and feline habits. This boy just wants a pet.

“Awwwwe they’re so cute Satan.” You giggled as you listen to him read. “Cats are such good pets.”

“Would you like a pet?” Satan asked with a smirk, feeling much more relaxed now.

“Nah...we have Mammon.” You joked.

“You know...you could be my pet instead. I wouldn’t mind taking care of you.” Satan flirted. This definitely made the eldest stir, Satan of course noticed. Maybe to make Lucifer mad again, Satan put an arm around you and brought you close on the couch.

“Geez.” You grumbled as you blushed, heat rising to your cheeks.

“I even have a collar, here. I brought this earlier.” Satan pulled out a thin black nylon collar with a small plastic clasp. There was a silver bell the size of your pinky attached. His large hands loosened the collar all the way and firmly snapped it around your neck.

“Hey!” You protested as your fingers traced the uncomfortable fabric.

“Too cute.” Satan’s face was slightly red as he admired you, laughing a little at your distress.

“Unbelievable. MC don’t feed into his strange hang ups.” Lucifer grumbled as he sat on the couch across from both of you.

“Good timing. MC has offered to be my pet. So I’ll just be taking her and going to my room-“

“Not so fast. Sit down Satan.” Lucifer spoke firmly, however Satan didn’t address him with any more concern than before. Though he did sit back down.

“I had an idea. If you can show me you can be a good pet owner, I’ll consider your request more seriously.” Lucifer had gotten his attention now.

“How so?”

“Well...since MC offered to be your pet...”

Without much protest, the two dressed you as the pet they would play with. A set of cat ears firmly set in place, the collar Satan had gifted you earlier, and a small but comfortable plug decorate with a long cat tail. You sat on your knees obediently and in defeat.

“I’m enjoying this test so far.” Satan cooed.

“I have to say I am too.” Lucifer chuckled.

You pouted, knowing they were enjoying this way too much.

“Awww, I know what will make kitten happy.” Satan placed you on his lap and gently played with your hair, making sure it stayed off your neck. “Feel free to purr a little if you like MC.”

You only squirmed, embarrassed by the attention and the game they were both playing.

“I think our little kitten wants some attention...” Satan teased as he kissed at your neck. Part of your task was to keep from verbally communicating, letting your owners learn their new kitten’s wants and needs by learning your language. This was going to be impossible: sighs already slipping through your lips as Satan’s tongue traced every sensitive spot across your neck and toward your ear. “I’m happy to give it, you can watch if you want...” Satan smirked over at Lucifer who had been sitting and watching everything so far.

“Hmph. When a learning moment arises, Ill be ready to join you.” The eldest held a devious smirk as he watched you squirm in Satan’s grasp.

Two slender fingers slipped between your lips and gently rolled against your tongue. His kisses and love bites were traveling lower now, the trail of kisses making your skin hot. The muffled noises coming from you were loud and clear though, you were enjoying the attention. As his two fingers twirled your tongue, the other caressed the underside of your breasts. Skilled fingers easily found your sensitive peaks under your clothing and twisted them just the right way. Your moans were breathy and sultry.

Lucifer sat with his legs crossed on the couch in front of the one you were on. His smug expression stayed as his eyes took in the sight of you being ravished. Your face was hot as you noticed him watching you indulge in Satan’s touch.

Satan’s cock was grinding against your lower back as he fondled your breast, using his saliva covered fingers to give more attention to your nipples. You hissed at the cool, wet feeling. Your squirming had your hips grinding and moving against his hardening cock making him catch his breath. Satan caught your lips in his to quiet the moans he wants to hear only for himself. He doesn’t want to share them with Lucifer. His hands adjust again leaving one hand on your breast as the other traveled between your legs to feel how excited you were growing.

Lucifer was slowly removing his gloves as he watched Satan’s fingers slip beneath the thin strip of clothing covering your arousal. Satan dipped his fingers inside you, cooing as he felt how wet you were. You gave a low moan as he covered his fingers in your slick.

Meanwhile, Lucifer had made his way over, sitting next you both on the couch and moving your hips towards him. Both you and Satan looked at him quizzically, a smirk growing as he caught your attention.

“I found my first teachable moment, keep going.” Lucifer spoke as he easily removed your soaking underwear. You continued to moan and squirm as Satan once against spread your walls. You saw Lucifer watching you, eyes glued to yours as his fingers began to gently roll and tease your clit. Your heavy breathing and rolling hips made Satan even harder, you could feel his cock pressed against your lower back.

“Hmmm, so kitten likes that too?” Satan hummed in your ear. “Why don’t you meow for us if you’re enjoying our fingers?”

Your face felt hot, Satan was so horrible.

“It would help us understand our pet more, why don’t you meow when you feel good MC?” Lucifer echoed Satan’s proposed rule. Lucifer was horrible too.

But you complied; you were getting needier and needier from their teasing.

“M-mew?...meow?” You tested the waters.

You received an eager reward; both of them moved faster, harder. Lucifer gently teased at the tail like plug they so delicately picked out for you. Satan’s fingers were roughly playing at your nipples, sending waves of pleasure through you. You let little meows and moans slip as you got closer and closer the the edge of orgasm.

“Are we spoiling our pet?” Lucifer asked Satan as you grew louder.

“It’s so hard not to. She’s just so cute.” He chuckled lowly.

“C-cumming...” you moaned as your head languidly rested against Satan’s chest.

“Hm? What’s that kitten?” Satan hummed back, moving his fingers faster and curving into just the right spot. Lucifer made sure your clit was being treated just as pleasurably. They both sent you into bliss, moaning and spasming throughout your high. Your heavy panting slowed as you relaxed on the couch.

Both demons chuckled lowly, you could hear them both remove more of their clothing; jackets and sweaters and ties were set to the side. You were malleable after such a strong orgasm, so it was easy for them to put you on your knees on the floor between both of them.

“Feeding time MC? Are you...hungry?” Satan teased by running a finger against your jaw and pulling your gaze to him. He had already freed his erect member from his pants, pulling your chin closer and closer. As he held your attention, Lucifer placed one of your hands over his own cock, also freed from his slacks.

“You must be. Good thing we have extra for you. Hm hm. Now I’m spoiling her too.”

Your lips wrapped around Satan’s tip, giving teasing licks at his slit as you held the base of his cock; while your fingers on the other hand did the same to Lucifer’s. You could hear them both sigh and lowly moan as you gave them both attention.

They were both suddenly impatient and began moving their own hips. Satan held a hand on the back of your head as he pushed himself into the back of your throat. Lucifer also bucked into your grip around his thick length. Soon the hand on the back of your head was Lucifer’s; and it was now his cock going down your throat.

Your muffled mews and moans made both demons quicken their pace, passing your mouth between them to abuse your tongue and throat. All the while the faint sound of the bell on your collar rang out. You could hear Satan quietly mumble under his breath as he got closer; “So good. So good.” Lucifer was more conservative, not wanting to unravel too much, but his low throaty moans made it clear he was growing closer to cumming too.

As if they had the same idea, both stood from the couch, pulling your hair slightly to tilt your face back.

“Open up MC, this is for you.” Lucifer huffed.

“Stick out your tongue.” Satan commanded.

The good pet you are, you followed suit and opened wide as they both attempted to cum in your mouth. They covered your tongue, some dripping down your chin. With a heavy sigh Satan sat back to admire your condition. Cum and arousal painted your face.

“You look so amazing right now Kitten...” he mused as he watched you swallow everything.

“I don’t think we’re done yet.” Lucifer hissed as he reached beneath you to slip his fingers against your folds. Covering his fingers in your dripping slick before inserting two digits. “You’re still so wet MC. You still need to be taken care of little kitten.”

Lucifer swept you off the floor and into his lap, you could feel he was still hard as he let his cock grind against your heat. Satan watched you carefully as he positioned you over his thick cock and entered you slowly. Your whole body shifted to make room for Lucifer’s thick cock. Once seated fully in his lap, his shaft stretching and filling you, he had a devious idea. Keeping his hips still, he grabbed the back of your hand to wipe your still dirty chin, smearing cum over the back of your hand and fingers.

“Why don’t you lick your paw clean for Satan while I treat you a little more?” He smirked as his hips bucked gently.You began bouncing in his lap as you put on  a show.

Satan was mesmerized. You were bouncing on a cock all while moaning and mewling, desperately trying to lick your hand free of cum. With the ears. And the tail. And your little meow he could never forget. Satan was finally overcome with lust, quickly becoming hard again and stroking his cock at the sight of you.

“Fuck...” he cursed under his breath.

You watched him as he moved to stand behind you. You felt his palm against your back push you toward Lucifer, causing your hips to rise and chest to press into Lucifer’s face. The tail plug you had grown accustomed to was slowly pulled from you, a moan slipping from you as Satan replaced it with his hard cock.

It was so intense being filled by both impressive members, both reaching deep and making you grip the back of the couch tightly. Hearing you moan so loudly made Satan quickly ease his thrusts into you while Lucifer picked up his own pace. Lucifer’s soft lips wrapped around your nipple, gently tugging and biting. Your breasts bouncing against his face drove him crazy.

Satan buried his cock deeper and deeper into you as your walls began sucking him in. Leaning into you more he kissed up your back, to your shoulder, and to the crevice of your neck.

“Keep meowing kitten. Tell us how much you love being our pet.” His whisper was laced with lust and desperation.

At this point you could only focus on the stars clouding your vision, the mewls and whines slipped on their own. Those little meows drive him insane however.

“That’s right. Good MC. You’re taking this cock so well.” Lucifer hissed against your skin as his release grew closer.

“Good kitten. Just a little more.” Satan followed.

You felt like you were going to pass out, the rush building in your core was about to burst. They could feel your body quivering around them. It wasn’t much longer and your whole body turned heated as you came with them both thrusting inside you. Your moan was loud and so, so enticing. The grip around Lucifer’s cock wasn’t letting him go as he spilled inside you, filling you with his seed.Satan followed soon after, stilling inside you to empty himself. A gaspy, restrained moan hissing pass his lips.

No one moved a moment as you each caught your breath, relaxing and separating from each other’s bodies. You remained in Lucifer’s lap as you rested your head against his chest; breathless and lost in post coital bliss. Satan sat beside the eldest and gently pushed a few strands of hair out of your face. Lucifer’s strong arms held you close and he gently stroked your back soothingly.

“You know...I guess we do have a pretty good pet already.” Satan chuckled at your pout.

“She is pretty great. Though I think we could use more...training sessions like these.” Lucifer smirked as he lifted your chin. “How about it MC? Think you’d like to take more ‘lessons’ from Satan and I...?”

[dickwheelie]

this is a ficlet based on @tired-dummy's star!martin, an immortal who can make stars, who falls in love with jon, a human, despite how short jon's existence is in comparison to martin's eternal lifetime. it's such a romantic concept that I had to write about it. all credit to them for the concept of this fic!

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There are no stars in the sky that night.

In places like London and New York, no one really notices or cares, but where Jon lives, out in the Scottish countryside, in a village of less than five hundred people, the stark blackness of the night sky has everyone standing out on their porches, staring up in puzzlement and concern.

Jon knows why, but he doesn't tell anyone. He just looks up at the empty sky through his kitchen window as he washes the dishes, and when he is done, he draws the curtains.

The following night, the stars are back, though Jon thinks they might be dimmer than they had been before. Just when he is about to dress for bed, he hears a knock on the door of his tiny cottage.

Martin is on the other side, his amber glow lighting the surrounding forest, the constant, faint hum he emits disturbing the frogs and porcupines, who scuttle away towards less strange locales. White-hot tears still pour from his eyes, falling to the ground at his feet with a hiss. "I'm so sorry about last night," he says at once, his voice split into several frequencies speaking in unison, giving his speech a haunting, melodic sound. "I despaired, and lost control. But I put them back. I shouldn't have taken them away."

"People were scared," Jon says, not unkindly. "They thought they were gone for good."

"I know," Martin says, and his voices are remorseful. "I--I wish I hadn't done it."

A cool breeze blows around them. "Here, come inside," Jon says, opening the door wide. Though Martin seems somehow too big to fit within the confines of the doorframe, or indeed Jon's cottage, he has no trouble placing his physical from on Jon's sofa, with enough room that Jon can sit next to him. Jon makes them both tea, and Martin's hands fit just fine around the mug. His glow alights the entirety of the living room, so Jon turns off a couple of lamps before joining him on the sofa.

They drink for a while in silence. Martin has stopped crying, at least. Jon wishes he could wipe his tears from his eyes himself, but he's afraid of burning his fingers.

Eventually, Jon says, "I'm sorry, Martin."

Martin glances up at him, his bright white eyes wide. "Why?"

"For . . . what I told you, yesterday. That I . . . that I love you. I--I didn't mean to hurt you, a-and to be honest I'm still not sure how I did, but I did hurt you, so I wanted to apologize." He stares down at his tea. "I-If you could tell me what I did wrong, I'll try to fix it. I just . . . I don't want to see you cry anymore."

"Oh, Jon," Martin breathes, and there's a thump as his empty mug falls to the carpeted floor. Jon looks up, alarmed, and Martin is still sitting next to him, on his sofa, in his cottage, but he is also somehow infinitely large, larger than a planet, than the sun. His eyes blaze, and his amber glow is so bright it's almost orange. "Jon, you've done nothing wrong. The only thing that is wrong is how dearly I love you."

Jon's heart leaps at the words, but then sinks with realization. "Oh," he says, faintly.

Martin blazes even brighter. "No. That--that isn't what I meant, I--" His voices grow discordant, before he seems to calm slightly and they harmonize again. "You know what I am, Jon. I am so, so old. I will go on to become much older. I will live beyond humanity, beyond most life in the universe. The life of any human is far too short for me. It's gone so quickly. I . . . I am better off alone. I always have been. To love is . . . is to hurt, so I try not to get too close to anyone. But I couldn't help myself with you, Jon. You caught me so easily, so quickly, I was yours before I even knew it. I--I wasn't sure, until yesterday, how much I felt for you. Maybe I was just trying not to think about it. But when you told me . . . when you told me you loved me, I . . . I knew. I'd fallen in love with you, too, and . . ." Tears spark in his eyes again. "And that meant I would have to lose you."

Jon's chest aches. "But . . . I'm here, now. Is loving me so . . . so horrible?" He swallows, trying not to let tears form in his own eyes.

"It will be," Martin says. "One day I'll blink my eyes, and you'll be gone, and then . . . I don't know if I'll ever stop crying."

"But . . . until then, we can be together." Jon takes Martin's hands in his own, hands that have shaped galaxies and placed stars in constellations. They are warm and calloused, and big enough to engulf Jon's entirely. "I know a year is barely any time for you, but we can still make it count. We can make every day count, stock them so full of memories you'll feel like you've lived a dozen lifetimes."

Martin sniffs. "I . . . I don't know if that will work . . ."

"Have you ever tried it before?"

Martin shakes his head. "I . . . this is the first time I've ever been in love. I've never allowed myself to get close enough to anyone before. I don't know what to do now. I can't . . . I can't stop myself from loving you."

"Do you want to?" Jon says quietly.

"No," Martin says at once, and then his eyes widen, as though surprised by his own certainty. "I . . . No. To not love you . . . that would be worse, so much worse, somehow." A burning tear traces his cheek. "But I can't keep taking the stars from the sky. And I can't keep crying like this."

Jon's heart burns. "So . . . so let's try it," he says, squeezing his hands.

"Try it?"

"My idea. Let's be together, and try to make each other happy, as well as we can, one day at a time. Live in the moment." Jon tries a smile. "Humans are good at that sort of thing. I can teach you, if you like."

"I . . ." Martin's voices tremble, overwhelmed. "I . . . I don't know . . ."

Jon presses a kiss to his knuckles, rubs a thumb over them. "You don't have to decide tonight. Despite what you think, we have time."

Martin looks at him as though Jon were the one who created stars. "A-Alright," he says softly.

"Would you like to spend the night?" Jon says, nodding towards his bedroom door. "I was about to go to sleep when you knocked."

"I . . . yes. That sounds nice. Thank you, Jon," Martin says, his voices sounding like a lullaby. And then he kisses Jon. It's gentle, so unbelievably gentle, and it burns in a lovely way. Jon kisses back, pushing a bit, letting Martin know he needn't be so careful, that he is adored and he is allowed to adore.

Later, in Jon's bed, Martin lies against his back and wraps his arms around his waist, holding him so tightly. Jon knows Martin does not sleep, and he knows he will not let Jon go until he wakes the next morning. As Jon drifts off, he stares out through his bedroom window, at the sky full of Martin's beautiful stars, and he thinks that perhaps he was wrong before.

The stars are not dimmer than he remembers. If anything, Jon thinks, tonight they're brighter than they've ever been.