#like I am actually losing it rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thegenderfluidace · 7 months

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Oh my gosh someone needs to remove my very being from my body cause right now it is my personal flesh prison hell, my senses are so outta wack rn I am going to commit a crime everything is awful, someone needs to do it before I peel all my skin off in a desperate attempt to do so

#ace rambles #rant #genuinely what the frick am I supposed to do???!?#like I am actually losing it rn #gonna have a breakdown #gonna scream #gonna scratch off all my skin and flesh and everything until I am nothing #void needs to eat me rn #I just need to not exist rn please I am going to scream and cry and akcnkdndnsnsm #dying dying dying dying #excuse me while I try and distract myself so I can ignore it and feel less #or something idk everything is awful rn

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territorial-utopia · 2 months

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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)

Sure has been a year.

#got my wisdom toofies out #well 2 out of 4 #still got stitches #idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless #also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash #i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet #I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for #the difference is like night and day #old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day #new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day #i am sobbing #the right people are out there #don't lose hope #i've never felt this platonically loved honestly #also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd #just #a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out #this piece was such a strain and i just #don't have patience for art rn #this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers #i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh #ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH #i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now #Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man #Vlad and Lily the love story that we don't deserve but need #their kiss is just perfect ajsdhajsdasdsf

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jinstronaut · 1 month

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a taehyung a week until he's released ♥

week 10/52 for @aprylynn ♥

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thekittyokat · 5 months

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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

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yuviur · 10 months

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And then, Henry is holding them really tight, more for his security than theirs, and he walks out of the dungeon (ep 42)

I cannot be the only one who cried when the twins climbed Henry and sat on his shoulders like two loving pauldrons 🥺

#I am NOT ready for the next episode #also he is so strong for carrying two 12 year-olds like that #and now some design notes yayy #the string visible under Henry's shirt is a necklace with the birthstones of the four of them (he tucks it under his shirt to keep it safe)#Lark is on Henry's right shoulder and Sparrow's on his left if it's unclear (you can barely see the ends of their tattoos)#I think the twins have had different haircuts throughout their lives to keep things simple for their parents #after the events of S1 Lark buzzed his hair to further himself from Henry and Sparrow let his grow out (I'm working on their S2 designs rn)#Lark has a black toe from kicking something too hard #Sparrow and him used to have matching bead bracelets but Lark's got ripped during the pyramid incident #Sparrow offered him his but Lark wouldn't take it #also these trees do not look like oaks and especially not the same one but it was so ugly when I tried to do that so shhh #this was actually my first dndads fanart but it was left in my sketchbook for MONTHS before I decided to digitalize it...#so I actually sketched it the moment I heard the ep and before Deck Picks which makes me lose it #anyway!#my art #dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndads s1 #dndaddies #dndads odyssey #henry oak #sparrow oak #lark oak #sparrow oak garcia #lark oak garcia

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hoofpeet · 6 months

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Dude, seriously. Touch grass and get offline for a bit if it's that stressful.

For reasons..... I'm unemployed and don't wanna leave the house unattended; meaning I'm home alone all day and rely on comms to make money now so I kinda can't unplug ... I'm kinda trying to limit how much I use tumblr but. In general I just hate the state I live in and everything happening in my life

#mailbox #and also losing hope that this situation is gonna shake out alrightly #augh. if i was actually planning to [log off] id be a lot happier than i am rn though so dw #hm actually. i dont like how this ask is phrased

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becauseplot · 10 months

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anyway yeah fr i miss ordo theoritas. i miss the theory crafting i miss the hugeass meetings before/after Big Lore Event to brief/debrief everyone involved i miss the chaos and confusion and laughter and teamwork. i miss the cellbit, bad, and phil (key-keepers my beloveds) being the heads of the ordo working together to untangle the mysteries to the island. they were hardly ever on at the same time bc schedules and time zones (WAILS) but in my head they had so many late nights down in the evidence rooms like this

just. yeah. yeahh.

#qsmp #ordo theoritas #qsmp philza #qsmp cellbit #qsmp badboyhalo #i might have a fic idea but rn it’s just archivists bc they live in my head rent free #also im not too comfortable writing bad bc (1) i don’t watch him as much and (2) his lore is like?? so complicated??#as an outside viewer its pretty intimidating lol #it’s the vibe of late night working w your friends on a project/lab/whatever slowly losing your minds tying to figure it out #it’s 2:30 am you’ve been talking in circles the theories are getting more out there but ya don’t rly care bc hey it’s Something #and then someone says smthn that’s just like Woah. wait Actually?? and it kicks you all back into gear to get you chugging along again #anyway i miss them i go sleepies now gnnnn #dont mind me im just rambling #god so much for me going to bed at a decent hour lmao

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its-malarkey · 11 months

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My newest LMK headcanon that spawned while drawing for Burn: Macaque wears a glamour over his ears because during their fight, Wukong tore them up to such a horrifying degree that Macaque can’t stand to look at them or let anyone else see them

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eddiegettingshot · 5 months

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im rotating canon eddietommy in my mind like idc about tommy but if i saw eddie “repression” diaz kiss a man on my tv screen i would have collapsed and died

i thought i was over it before i rewatched 7a but now i can’t stop thinking about how canon eddietommy would have been a fucking HOOT. they’d be little assholes together to everyone except each other. and eddie would kiss a man.

#asks #i’m an eddie kisses first truther i think tommy would have been like eddie i thought we were dating and eddie would have been like oh. hm.#yeah. actually i liked this more than anything else i’ve tried. and then he’d kiss him as tommy was apologizing for misunderstanding. do we #see the vision………#why am i fucking doing eddietommy spec on my blog rn LMFAOOO CLEARLY I AM LOSING THE PLOT

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wellthatswhatithought · 4 months

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idk I just think the antizionist/pro-palestine mvmt would have much more success if some of you stopped saying such headass shit all the time

#i do not consider myself a zionist #and i unequivocally condemn the actions of the state of israel #but some of you guys have gotten so sucked in by the Leftist Zeitgeist that youve started parrotting stuff that is actually antisemitic #or just straight up dumb #like i have seen people saying that israel doesnt have a right to exist because jews have no connection to the holy land #do you hear yourself. do you. what the FUCK are you talking about.#if jews have no connection to the holy land then neither do christians. or muslims. you guys are losing the fucking plot entirely.#also im starting to think not a single one of you knows what zionism actually is #here's a hint: it does not just mean bombing palestinians. you just will not get anywhere if you think that 'zionist' is synonymous with #'wants to do a genocide'#because you're talking to people who have a PROFOUNDLY DIFFERENT DEFINITION #there are people who strongly and proudly identify as zionists who are DEEPLY opposed to whats happening rn too #i am not a zionist because i am opposed to nationalism in general. which i think is true of a lot of you too.#but some people seem to have forgotten that a little.#(a lot)#ugh im just SICK of HEARING about this #every day i see people from both sides having terrifically stupid and rancid takes

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jawz · 23 hours

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can't stop thinking about shannon hanchett's death. i feel sick. i don't even know if something like justice exists for what was done to her.

#like if they call you crazy they will just put you wherever. they will neglect you or torture you or kill you. they dont fucking care.#nobody does #temporarily losing my legal autonomy as an adult via being in the psych ward is one of the scariest things ive ever experienced #and i didnt go thru a fraction of what shannon hanchett went thru. i mean the difference of psych ward and jail too #i was in 4 times inpatient and 1 outpatient as a teenager and it sucked sure. but it was like a playground compared to the adult ward.#but after my overdose age 20 one of the cops got in the ambulance with the EMTs as i was losing consciousness #and the cop rode with us literally pounding on my chest to try and keep me awake and like asking 'who is the president' etc. but #he was hitting me with his knuckles. my breastbone fucking bruised black and blue. it took weeks to fade away #(mastectomy is relevant here bc i have less tissue in my chest than most ppl do. the bones feel closer to the surface)#so yeah that hurt like a mf but i didnt feel it fully in the moment cause i lost consciousness during the 7-10 min ride to the ER.#and then after being in the ER on an IV for ? hours and being moved to the psych ward... they just fucking left me for 2-3 days. i dont eve #KNOW because i dont REMEMBER because i was fucking zonked from all the pills i overdosed on. i had no sense of time at all.#and it turns out one of my best friends was showing up every day & begging/demanding the nurses to put me on an iv bc i was dehydrated #since i was out of it obv not able to eat or drink. and they wouldnt. and she was begging them to check on me or attend to me because they #simply left me in my room for days. no clue if a doctor saw me after i left the ER. my blood pressure was literally 60/30 though.#which was extremely painful thats all i remember of those days. it still hurt so fuckin much the day i finally got up and was semi consciou #like my muscles were being squeezed yet exploding. walking was so difficult. it was some of the worst pain of my entire life #besides some sense memories of incredible pain and discomfort it's like blank from when i passed out in the ambulance until that 3rd day #my friend told me later she didnt even know if i was in a coma or something. they wouldnt tell anyone anything #so then i saw the psych team and i remember seeing the room as if thru a 10 meter tunnel. and the doctor started telling me #how lucid and aware i was. repeatedly. he was like. pleasantly surprised. meanwhile i actually felt like my entire body was about to ruptur #and i KNEW that doctor was implying 'you're so aware and insightful - unlike all those Real schizo freaks here!!!!'#ha ha doc! i'm crazy enough that i could easily tell passive lies & come across as fairly well adjusted (when i wasnt activly spiraling.) s #fucking despised him for that. well i would fight & die for the people who were there w/ me. but i would NEVER fucking save a psychiatrist.#police/psych industry overlap is hell for me to hear about. it makes me so fucking angry i want to scream and just rip all my hair out #the helplessness drives me fucking insane i will never ever trust authority because i know they dont care if i die.#i was the fucking. hysterical womanman with a death wish. of course they didnt fucking care if i died.#i was not fucking tortured like she was tho. what i experienced just pales in comparison to this news story. im not trying to #make it about me it just brings everything back. it reminds me how fucking lucky i am. HOW FUCKING LUCKY I AM TO BE ALIVE AND HAVE AUTONOMY #we're all fucking BLESSED to not be institutionalized rn

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corfisers · 9 months

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i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag

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synthshenanigans · 9 months

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How dare he release a banger cover of one of my favorite songs ever at 4am where I cant yell, I hate him so much why

#im laughing so insanely rn i love this so much #i am actually losing my mind but like in the best way possible #also he's speaking/singing Japanese again & bros still p good it since haiku #don't have an official translation & im gettin it from discord but its a more worded version of “hurt people. hurt people” basically #i don't wanna fully state it cos i do not know the language & someone who's smarter than me can do that #but still cool to know #anyways I'm exploding now goodbye #hey hey did i ever mention i love saxophones #cos guess what i love saxophones #these songs are gonna have a LOTTA saxophone in it #also the screaming tho?????? fuckin losing my mind rn dude #my Spotify will never recover from this #chonny jash #moss post

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alien-from-planet-zog · 6 months

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Something that’s occurred to me now that I’m almost finished watching Greed Island arc:

The only reason Gon and Killua were able to play the game Greed Island is because of the billionaire Battera, who bought up the game for unknown reasons. It’s revealed that he did it to save his wife, who’s been in a coma for years. If someone were to beat the game, they would be able to take items into ‘real life’ which would include the card Angel’s Breath. Battera’s plan is to use this card to save his wife…except she dies before anyone wins the game, meaning that this whole plan was just a waste of time.

Isn’t this a parallel to what happens in Chimera Ant Arc with Gon and Kite? The whole time, Gon is trying to save Kite by chasing the hope that Pitou will be able to save him, only for it to be revealed near the end of the arc that it’s too late, that Kite can’t be saved…

(and also Gon loses his arm, again, but that one’s pretty obvious)

#hxh #greed island arc #chimera ant arc #hxh meta #barely but I think it counts #my brain is so obsessed w Hunter x Hunter rn I am actually losing my damn mind #ALEKKAJSSJSJJAKW #no brain only hxh #hxh spoilers #(like not really but I know some people watching for the first time…)

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kuiinncedes · 3 months

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:c

#i luv my friends ;-; i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind when i’m not living right by all my friends lmao 😭#i’ve literally been hanging out w ppl like at least every other day if not every day #we made semi spontaneous plan to go to pride tmrwwweww 🥹🥹 i’m excited #i just am so happy that i get to spend sm time w ppl rn bc we’re all somewhat free bc summer 😭#also idk i was just thinking abt this recently but like #it’s kinda new to me to like actually be comfortable/confident in knowing my friends want/like my presence ;-;#even then i’m not that confident LMAO bc after sm time together i’m like surely they’ll get sick of me #like we’ve seen each other every day the past like three days #but no 🥹 ugh like idk man i had one elementary to sort of middle and high school friendship #that like fucked me up i feel like lmfao 💀#like girl sidelined me so much for other friends that i just #:l and cried so much bc of that 😀 anyway 😀#so like idk i’m just so grateful rn 😭😭😭#also was thinking abt it recently bc my mom made me feel judged/ made me feel like she was annoyed that i was staying here on campus #when i technically don’t need to and my main/only reason is bc friends #and after that conversation w her i got kinda annoyed bc i was like #i have had so many conversations w you where i was sad af or frustrated that my friends wouldn’t reach out to me ever #or my friend who never paid attention to me when other friends were around #like i don’t think she’s actually judging like me staying for friends but it was that one conversation we were both kinda annoyed idk #and i was just like . pls #anyway 😀 i always have so many friend thoughts i always be overthinking it LOL #anyway anyway i need to be up in like 6 hrs LOLLLLLL pride tho yay 🥰🥰🥰#rip me not having clean cute clothes for this LOL 🤪#ong last yr i tied my hair in a ponytail w like rainbow hair ties tied down the ponytail……#idk if i have those but if i do maybe i should do that again LOL #idk might be too lazy tho we’ll see how much time i have to get ready when i wake up 🤡#jeanne talks #TOO MUCH BYE

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strangerstilinski · 10 months

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you ever just *clenches fist* want eddie’s cock in your mouth?

#just like… the weight of it on your tongue???#the warmth??? the softness of the skin??? are you KIDDING #i am actually losing my sanity rn #eddie munson #txt #eddie munson txt

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