#like I am actually losing it rn
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Oh my gosh someone needs to remove my very being from my body cause right now it is my personal flesh prison hell, my senses are so outta wack rn I am going to commit a crime everything is awful, someone needs to do it before I peel all my skin off in a desperate attempt to do so
#ace rambles#rant#genuinely what the frick am I supposed to do???!?#like I am actually losing it rn#gonna have a breakdown#gonna scream#gonna scratch off all my skin and flesh and everything until I am nothing#void needs to eat me rn#I just need to not exist rn please I am going to scream and cry and akcnkdndnsnsm#dying dying dying dying#excuse me while I try and distract myself so I can ignore it and feel less#or something idk everything is awful rn
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a taehyung a week until he's released ♥
week 10/52 for @aprylynn ♥
#bts#btsedit#btsgif#dailybts#btsdaily#taehyung#kim taehyung#dailybangtan#userbangtan#usersan#heyryen#userpat#tuserandi#userdimple#raplineuser#rjshope#annietrack#usersky#userkelli#kthedit#***#*taw#the layers on these are actually kind of insane idk what the fuck goes on in this dvd but like jESUS CHRIST STOP IT#anyways hi apryl i understand why u suggested this i am losing my mind#literally getting the footage for this had me KICKIN MY FEET FR FR#IM DOING IT RN AS IM POSTING LIKE WTF LOOK AT HIM#STOP MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH THE CAMERA SIR I WILL FIGHT YOU WHERE U STAND#anyways ahem i am suffering i will always be suffering bc of this man thank YOU
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
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guess who’s sick
n not the cool sick i mean actually sick
i am NOT doing good LETS SEE IF I END UP IN THE HOSPITAL AGAIN YEAHHHH💪💪💪💪 they love me
ANYWAYYYYY jokes uhhh here’s bill n my billsona
next part of roomie cipher should be coming out maybe tomorrow btw
also like don’t listen to me i’m like running on 0 hours of sleep i’m LOSINGGG ITTTT
#but likeeee my billsona is so fun to draw i thinks YIPPE#lmao srry my body hates me#I AM GODS WEAKEST WARRIOR PDHSKFVDSG#i’m being like so fr actually i’ve had pneumonia like 3 times already#GOING FOR NUMBER 4 LETS SEE IF I SURVIVE#JOKING BTW sowwy#mental health n physical health r NOTTTT DOING GOOD RN LMAOO#OH MY GODDDDD SHUT UPPPPP ME 🙄🙄🙄#i’m only kinda losing it#ANYWAY WATCH THE MOVIE THREE MEN AND A BABY ITS SO GOOD ITS SO CUTE#gravity falls#bill cipher#billsona#the book of bill#squidflavoredsoup
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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And then, Henry is holding them really tight, more for his security than theirs, and he walks out of the dungeon (ep 42)
I cannot be the only one who cried when the twins climbed Henry and sat on his shoulders like two loving pauldrons 🥺
#I am NOT ready for the next episode#also he is so strong for carrying two 12 year-olds like that#and now some design notes yayy#the string visible under Henry's shirt is a necklace with the birthstones of the four of them (he tucks it under his shirt to keep it safe)#Lark is on Henry's right shoulder and Sparrow's on his left if it's unclear (you can barely see the ends of their tattoos)#I think the twins have had different haircuts throughout their lives to keep things simple for their parents#after the events of S1 Lark buzzed his hair to further himself from Henry and Sparrow let his grow out (I'm working on their S2 designs rn)#Lark has a black toe from kicking something too hard#Sparrow and him used to have matching bead bracelets but Lark's got ripped during the pyramid incident#Sparrow offered him his but Lark wouldn't take it#also these trees do not look like oaks and especially not the same one but it was so ugly when I tried to do that so shhh#this was actually my first dndads fanart but it was left in my sketchbook for MONTHS before I decided to digitalize it...#so I actually sketched it the moment I heard the ep and before Deck Picks which makes me lose it#anyway!#my art#dndads#dungeons and daddies#dndads s1#dndaddies#dndads odyssey#henry oak#sparrow oak#lark oak#sparrow oak garcia#lark oak garcia
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explaining to a coworker I don't socialize out of work bc of The Anxiety. then later explaining why i have gray in my hair.... it's... still The Anxieties...... goin' gray since my early 20s........
#man its rough when people who dont have anxiety have to ask a million questions that the answer is just The Anxiety#like im sorry i dont socialize or want to have a conversation while three other people are in the room talking#its just a lot of overstimulation ok im just suffering please stop asking me things...#i get the loop of im failing a social interaction in my brain which makes it harder to win at a conversation#like every normal person would consider conversations as something you can lose or fail or win (?)#had another coworker who ive only really seen ? but he argues with the one asking me about my hobbies n social life#and so i saw him today and he was i think probably training or showing another guy around#and he was real quick to say no to helping me and im lik e???? i didnt ask for help?#and the other guy was like is that a constant thing? and he said no not me yet but he had to assert dominance#and i looked at him and told him very plainly#i am a pushover with anxiety you dont have to assert dominance at all i promise#and he actually looked kind of taken aback and guilty for snapping on me for no reason so then im like#oh great just me saying i hope to not cause problems caused a problem#anyway ........ i wanted to draw a halloween thing but i just dont have the spoons rn
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Dude, seriously. Touch grass and get offline for a bit if it's that stressful.
For reasons..... I'm unemployed and don't wanna leave the house unattended; meaning I'm home alone all day and rely on comms to make money now so I kinda can't unplug ... I'm kinda trying to limit how much I use tumblr but. In general I just hate the state I live in and everything happening in my life
#mailbox#and also losing hope that this situation is gonna shake out alrightly#augh. if i was actually planning to [log off] id be a lot happier than i am rn though so dw#hm actually. i dont like how this ask is phrased
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anyway yeah fr i miss ordo theoritas. i miss the theory crafting i miss the hugeass meetings before/after Big Lore Event to brief/debrief everyone involved i miss the chaos and confusion and laughter and teamwork. i miss the cellbit, bad, and phil (key-keepers my beloveds) being the heads of the ordo working together to untangle the mysteries to the island. they were hardly ever on at the same time bc schedules and time zones (WAILS) but in my head they had so many late nights down in the evidence rooms like this
just. yeah. yeahh.
#qsmp#ordo theoritas#qsmp philza#qsmp cellbit#qsmp badboyhalo#i might have a fic idea but rn it’s just archivists bc they live in my head rent free#also im not too comfortable writing bad bc (1) i don’t watch him as much and (2) his lore is like?? so complicated??#as an outside viewer its pretty intimidating lol#it’s the vibe of late night working w your friends on a project/lab/whatever slowly losing your minds tying to figure it out#it’s 2:30 am you’ve been talking in circles the theories are getting more out there but ya don’t rly care bc hey it’s Something#and then someone says smthn that’s just like Woah. wait Actually?? and it kicks you all back into gear to get you chugging along again#anyway i miss them i go sleepies now gnnnn#dont mind me im just rambling#god so much for me going to bed at a decent hour lmao
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My newest LMK headcanon that spawned while drawing for Burn: Macaque wears a glamour over his ears because during their fight, Wukong tore them up to such a horrifying degree that Macaque can’t stand to look at them or let anyone else see them
#dude can you even IMAGINE the guilt and horror Wukong feels now about that#he absolutely adored Mac’s pretty ears#and he MUTILATED them#I’m actually in tears over this rn#how can you even come back from that#like how would he ever forgive himself#an eye is an awful thing to lose#but his ears were special and he was the only one that had them#WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF#lmk macaque#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk sun wukong#Shadowpeach#lmk six eared macaque#lmk shadowpeach#Lego macaque#lego six eared macaque#lego sun wukong#headcanon
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I spent something like six and a half hours in the hospital today so day 6 of my challenge is being further postponed but, in the lieu of not doing any drawing, I did end up rereading Ovid's Metamorphoses in between waiting and I just wanted to offer some of my favourite underrated bits.
Cadmus and Harmonia's twin transformations into snakes is so gentle? Cadmus goes first, transformed mid plea for his wife to caress him one last time before his face is completely covered in scales, then he rests gently between her boobs and wraps around her neck and shoulders like a big snake gorget. Harmonia follows him shortly and the two snakes intertwine with each other before gently slithering off into the bushes and I love that actually mwah mwah mwah (I also appreciate the sweet irony of Cadmus who slew a snake for his glory becoming a snake, toothless and gentle in the last of his days)
Everything about Perseus was hilarious. Like, I'm sorry - I've never done a lot of reading into Perseus but I did always remember the banquet massacre and the Andromeda rescuing and like, bro I know it's not meant to be funny but Perseus is funny. I think it's his politeness honestly? He goes up to Atlas and is like "hello kind sir, may I please stay a night in your lands? I've travelled an awful long way and I am weary and hungry. If you only accept noble guests, rest assured, I am of noblest birth and have completed the noblest of deeds. 🥺" and Atlas takes one look at him, has a That's So Raven vision about the one time Themis gave him a prophecy about a son of Jove stealing his apples and then told Perseus to kick rocks. So Perseus, like the well adjusted and noble individual that he is, turns Atlas into a mountain with Medusa's head. This is how a great many of Perseus' stories unfold. It is actually hysterical.
I am going to give a special shoutout to Athis and Lycabas who were two young lovers in attendance at Perseus and Andromeda's blood wedding. Athis died first - a skilled archer who never got to shoot and was burnt and bludgeoned across the face with a wedding brazier. When Lycabas saw that his dear friend's beauty was ruined, he picked up the fight against Perseus himself in Athis' name and was slashed to strips by Perseus' sword. Lycabas managed to drag himself over to Athis in his last moments and died beside him, so I thought that was a particularly touching bit of beauty in the otherwise extremely tragic blood wedding.
No one can ever make me feel bad for Niobe. In a lot of the Greek accounts I've read and heard, because they tend to be much shorter or references in a wider narrative, it's hard to really grasp how insanely disrespectful she was to Leto (not that her boasting she should be the goddess of motherhood to the actual goddess of motherhood isn't worthy of death and destruction enough) but Ovid really did go the extra mile to dig it home how far down her throat this lady put her foot because even at her sons' seven way funeral she did not stop boasting about how she was still glorious. I did find it interesting that the seemingly innocuous detail of Apollo killing off the boys first and then Artemis killing the girls was kept cross-culturally, I assume it's because boys were more auspicious than girls in both cultures.
The detail of Athena bonking Arachne constantly with a wooden box and her being transformed into a spider because she begged to not be bonked to death. Also very interestingly, in Ovid's account, it's not a clear victory for Athena against Arachne - she gets flustered at the depictions of her relatives' affairs and rips the tapestry up - the judges didn't actually get a chance to opine. This is in contrast to the contest the Muses sang about where their representative Calliope unilaterally won against the daughters of Pierus.
The account of Apollo and Marsyas was much shorter than I remember it being. I recall it being touted as one of the more vicious and visceral tales in Metamorphoses' collection but it included neither the details of Marsyas' contest against Apollo, nor Apollo's feelings (or even any dialogue from him!) throughout his peeling of Marsyas' skin. Instead it is wholly focused on Marsyas - on describing the physical gore of his exposed veins and contracting muscles and the grief of the rustic crowd as they mourned his loss - which is curious indeed since the entire theme of the poems of Book 6 is divine punishment and it is otherwise filled with rather full accounts of these contests and insults.
Byblis and Caunus made me want to reread Euripedes' Hippolytus for the twelve thousandth time. Caunus made the right call of course but I also very much hoped he would have a huge big speech about incest being bad instead of just smacking the messenger.
And lastly, for now, Jove's speech as Hercules lay burning atop his death pyre where he addresses the host of his gods and goes "Man, wasn't Hercules a great guy? Look, there goes all his mortal attributes burning away in the fire, now he is all my son and surely we are all in agreement that any divine son of mine deserves a place on Olympus :)" was very endearing. I always feel quite bad for Deianira because she truly didn't mean any harm by her gift and I've always wished for an account of Heracles/Hercules' death from her perspective. There could scarcely be a thing more awful, especially given how long and drawn out and incredibly painful Hercules' death was.
Lowkey, I want to take a day and compare Ovid and Euripedes' Medeas. They're both very different women and they both handle their situations very differently. Partially for my own vindication - I adore Medea and Jason equally and since popular fiction cannot speak about Medea without flattening her or making Jason completely monstrous, this is just one of those things I'll have to do myself sometime.
#ginger rambles#greek mythology#technically this is roman mythology and I am sorry but I'm not gonna tag it as such :(#ovid's metamorphoses#see if I wasn't on two diff types of medication rn I would make a statement about the way a lot of the earlier chapters of Metamorphoses use#deific figures as subtle mirrors of roman political figures#and how that connects to the pictures he sketches of especially Jove's boisterous speeches or Apollo's tenderness with his male lovers but#comparative carelessness with his female ones but that requires more braincells than I currently have to expend#I got kind of derailed chatting about Minerva bonking Arachne but the contest between the Muses and the Pierids was actually really cool and#I recommend people read it - I especially like that Calliope's response to the sisters' callous song about how Olympus lost to the Titans#was to sing songs of the Demeter - the earth from which life springs - losing her daughter to a period of darkness and eventually#getting her back after great tribulations#of course to me it's a no contest - I greatly prefer the Homhym to Demeter but Calliope's song of Ceres and Proserpina#was more pleasant than I recall#or maybe it's just because I have Rex Warner's awful Men and Gods version of the tale emblazoned in my brain from Lower 6 literature lmfao#ovid
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im rotating canon eddietommy in my mind like idc about tommy but if i saw eddie “repression” diaz kiss a man on my tv screen i would have collapsed and died
i thought i was over it before i rewatched 7a but now i can’t stop thinking about how canon eddietommy would have been a fucking HOOT. they’d be little assholes together to everyone except each other. and eddie would kiss a man.
#asks#i’m an eddie kisses first truther i think tommy would have been like eddie i thought we were dating and eddie would have been like oh. hm.#yeah. actually i liked this more than anything else i’ve tried. and then he’d kiss him as tommy was apologizing for misunderstanding. do we#see the vision………#why am i fucking doing eddietommy spec on my blog rn LMFAOOO CLEARLY I AM LOSING THE PLOT
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Today I heard a strange noise in my house and instead of finding out what caused it like a normal person I yelled “THEYRE IN THE WALLS” and had my family stare at me in utter confusion for like 5 minutes…
#Note to self: keep your inside thoughts inside where they belong#I belong in an asylum#My family thinks I’m crazy#i’m just a girl#i cannot be normal#i am actually going insane#i am actually losing my mind#there has never been a moment of more intense stupidity#It’s like I had flashbacks to the late Middle Ages and there are rats in my walls#i can’t believe i did it#im actually stupid#i’m not normal about this#funny stuff#text post#me rn#inside thoughts#funny#funny memes#funny post#humor#lol#haha
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youtube
WHY IS HE SO ME STOP
pov: when the calc is 3
HE IS SO PISSED OFF BRO I WOULD BE FUMING ACTUADLSDKDW
#guys im actually super competitive too#like i always win#and if i know im gonna lose at the begining i just give up there and accept defeat#but if i can win#i will win.#also he looks mad fine in glasses i am literally twirling my hair rn#📢: london yaps#favs: 鸭蛋🐬#chenle#nct dream#nct chenle
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#grief tag is difficult rn because I’ll be scrolling through a post and then I get to the last paragraph and it’s like oh!#this is about one direction member l*am p*yne!#oh!#(I’m not saying that to mock grieving a celebrity either)#(like yes celebrity grief is real id be absolutely devastated if say taylor died)#it’s just that it’s very very different to losing a parent lmao.#or really anyone you actually know in real life!#so like. oh!#tw grief#grief
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idk I just think the antizionist/pro-palestine mvmt would have much more success if some of you stopped saying such headass shit all the time
#i do not consider myself a zionist#and i unequivocally condemn the actions of the state of israel#but some of you guys have gotten so sucked in by the Leftist Zeitgeist that youve started parrotting stuff that is actually antisemitic#or just straight up dumb#like i have seen people saying that israel doesnt have a right to exist because jews have no connection to the holy land#do you hear yourself. do you. what the FUCK are you talking about.#if jews have no connection to the holy land then neither do christians. or muslims. you guys are losing the fucking plot entirely.#also im starting to think not a single one of you knows what zionism actually is#here's a hint: it does not just mean bombing palestinians. you just will not get anywhere if you think that 'zionist' is synonymous with#'wants to do a genocide'#because you're talking to people who have a PROFOUNDLY DIFFERENT DEFINITION#there are people who strongly and proudly identify as zionists who are DEEPLY opposed to whats happening rn too#i am not a zionist because i am opposed to nationalism in general. which i think is true of a lot of you too.#but some people seem to have forgotten that a little.#(a lot)#ugh im just SICK of HEARING about this#every day i see people from both sides having terrifically stupid and rancid takes
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