#life/work and my current hyperfixation are consuming me

[querido-eh-dump]

connor at the end of the book/show

[ultrakill-confessions]

No idea if this goes against the rules, I re-read them a bit to make sure, though I'm not 100% confident. This post isn't intended as a vent, although it may read as one. ULTRAKILL has both helped and warped(?) parts of my life. I have a really horrible fixation on ULTRAKILL. I don't tend to scale things because trying to say "I'm a bigger fan than you are because X, Y and Z!!!1!1!" has always pissed me off and generally rubs me the wrong way. However, for me, I do feel like this is in a similar vein (vein like castle v-), and is GENUINELY to a worrying degree imo. Maybe someone else can relate? Unsure.

For context on some of this, I deal with a dissociative disorder, and I'm a split of V1. Even with that, I can only think of one other instance where it complicated an interest of ours this badly. I think about ULTRAKILL every hour on the hour, I'm not even sure if I go ten minutes w/o thinking about it. And I live a healthy (relatively) life! I'm able to do things, go outside, enjoy life to the best of my ability, hold a job, college, etc. and have gotten better w/ socializing (autism really messes w/ this one); I am just fucking insane about ULTRAKILL. This shit consumes a large chunk of my frontal lobe, hand to God. I constantly plan out and/or make fanfictions (though never post em because being an ao3 author is a little spooky, can't lie gehshe), drawings, animations. Dawg I even get GYM MOTIVATION from ULTRAKILL. Body goals? THE MACHINE. I listen to the soundtrack while I work out (my bias to Order, Death of God's Will, Colliding Stars and The Abyss and the Serpent really poke out here). In fact, ULTRAKILL even helped with my gender and sexual (not inherently trying to be NSFW here) identities! Legitimately made me come to the realization that we might align more with being agender than transmasculine, and that we have no idea what our disaster of a sexuality is collectively, so we just say queer! And even though it's still hard to express ourselves, that has helped so much in feeling more .. at comfort? Correct? I dunno. There’s also a lack of need for labels at all now. It feels so fuckin’ goofy to say this because it HAS consumed a part of my life to the point where I feel like I'm peak brain-rotting at times, however it's also really helped, too?? Like in the most oxymoronic way ULTRAKILL has helped me develop as a person. The imaginary scenarios and art I use aids me in my expression and thought and even brings out more of my creativity. Ironically, despite not really wanting to be perceived as a human being, it has made me feel more like a person. I have a love-hate relationship with it only for the intensity of how much I adore it. It makes me upset when I no longer feel like I’m “me” enough, and yet ironically it has helped me to be healthier in other areas. lowkey use it to cope w/ the religious trauma sometimes too haha I will say, though, for a while I thought (and still sometimes do think) it was ruining my mental state. The identity issues, artist envy, missing my source/individuals from it (+ pseudo-memories and heavy dissociation as a whole if I'm being real), and general hyperfixation woes get very heavy at times. Interest so bad I have to look away sometimes when I see voice actor work, SFM's, etc. Not very proud of that. I never express these issues heavily to anybody except my sibling and a few close friends, simply due to the nature of people, especially on the internet, along with the complexity of having to explain an illness that is so severely stigmatized. My current issue is just holding back from spending my money on merch lmao (I may just draw myself with it to cope /hj). I am cringe and I will soon be free! Apologies if this post is depressing and/or repetitive. uhh, I've seen some anons name themselves, so camaraderie anon here?? LOL sorry. (p.s shoutout to the sisyphus likers and people who hate his mischaracterization YOU ARE THE REAL ONES!!!)

-

[jelly-of-many-ships]

Intersting experience in math class:

I was doing some work while listening to the good omens soundtrack because it helps me focus and I love remembering which scene each track is from. Anyway, David Arnold (the composer) also composed most of the music for BBC Sherlock, which I don’t think too many people know (He’s amazing and I love literally everything he makes). And so when I finished the good omens album it started playing other music by the artist, which in this case, happened to be the BBC Sherlock intro.

I have not heard that song in almost a year in a half. BBC Sherlock was like a canon event for me, it was the first real fandom I joined and it introduced me to tumblr, fanfiction, and literally every concept associated with fandoms. Most pieces media Ive consumed, and definitely every fandom i’ve joined since then has been in some way because of tumblr, or other fandom spaces. Even good omens, which I am currently hyperfixating on to a frankly concerning extent, I was only introduced to via the domino effect of BBC Sherlock.

Why is this important? idk...backstory I guess? whatever, anyways, after awhile a fell more and more out of interest with Sherlock, and while I’d definitely still consider myself in the fandom, I’m just not really that into it anymore, especially since the rest of the fandom isn’t very active either. The year when my interest was the strongest was a very interesting time. I was really insecure and not very happy, but I had some amazing people in my life who I really miss. These two things, I think, are possibly the worst combination to have in terms of nostalgia, and I find that experiencing things that remind me of this period feels very strange. For example I physically cannot listen to some of the songs I added to my playlist around this time without getting really emotional, but I refuse to delete them because they really do feel like a part of me. From time to time I do remember the bad things and maybe feel a bit upset, and yet if I could go back, I know I would, just to remember what it was like to experience it all.

I don’t think I could ever fully explain it but BBC Sherlock genuinely felt like opening a very weird portal, and so when in the middle of math class, immediately after listening to the good omens track “the end?” and vividly imagining the end credit scene of season two, the Sherlock intro started playing, I felt such a strange mix of awe and nostalgia that I almost started crying. It sounds pretty stupid typing this up, but it was such a unique experience, and I don’t think I can really explain it. Good Omens is the only thing I’ve been even somewhat interested in to the extend of Sherlock, and after listening to possibly the most depressing song of the entire show, to have such a sharp reminder of who I used to be blast full volume into my head felt like diving headfirst into cold water. It really does sound stupid, but in that exact moment I remembered everything; the evening I heard that song for the first time, staying up for hours scrolling through pinterest and discovering the fandom, the first day I told my friends about it, the day i read my first fanfic, the day I was so convinced they were gay I accidentally discovered shipping (lol), the night I finished season 4, alone, at 2am, the day I joined tumblr, the week I learned how to play “the game is on” on piano, and the lunch period I wrote my first fic after daydreaming about it for weeks.

These things probably seem pretty mundane, but this was like a new world to me. They represent more than just discovering I new interest though. They’re some of the only memories I have of that time. I cut my hair, I realized I was queer, and for the first time in my entire life I had an actual friendgroup, one that I still care about so much. Life was, at the same time horrible, yet the best it had ever been, and I didn’t even know it. When I really think about It, I realize in actuality how little time has really passed, but everything feels so different. I think to myself that there’s no way that person was me, that the kid who had so much energy and enthusiasm for life, poetry and writing and had yet never felt so insecure couldn’t have possibly turned into the burnt out, powerless person I feel I am today.

At least I’m not so insecure anymore? I’m not so sure what to say. All I know, is I think that moment in math class made me realize how much I’ve grown, how much I appreciate those experience I got to have, and how much that song will always mean to me.

[undeadfvckgirl-base]

Welcome to my spiral into insanity!

My name is Rubik and I am introducing you to God personally but in a tea party way

I'm a Poly Frag system (The Wither System) with a lot of fictives! Anything past that is not your business if I don't give it to you first

I'm 19 turning 20 soon actually in December!

Our host is actually a J subsystem so no matter what you do there will be J on this blog and yes I do own the JcJenson Pen and it's my wife

I am currently hyperfixated on Murder Drones, Minecraft, Roblox Pressure and just got into Welcome to Night Vale!

I'm Otherkin/Alterhuman collectively and individually!

Our collective kins are

Dragon Kin

Wither/Witherstorm Kin

and Cat Kin

My own kin list is short but it's primarily

Alternate kin

and Warden/Sculk kin

Some important things about me is I do not have a dni however I expect you to respect your OWN DNI and please do not follow me if you are uncomfortable by these facts about me otherwise I will just assume you don't care/don't mind as I am not a mind reader

I am Pro Endo. I have been Anti Endo and it ruined my life. If that upsets you that's not my problem

I am Pro Mspec identities and that does and will always include Bi Lesbians. Excluding these people is the same repackaged aphobia we had earlier on tumblrs life and you know it is

I really do not care what you ship. Please talk to me about your weird ships I enjoy exploring creative ideas about dynamics and relationships and moral debate on creative freedom is puritism

I. AM. A. DSMP. FAN. I do not care what you have to say about whatever content creator because I am not their fucking parent. "That guy is problematic" you've been saying that for years I just want to consume the cool art people draw about my funny minecraft men please get off my lawn

I will never shut up about how Cyn is not childcoded and you can't make me

I'm Pro Para btw (Anti-Contact however) and if that bothers you that's also not my problem. It's a disorder don't be a mental health ally if you won't be an ally for people who have "icky" disorders

I suck at intros I know I do but I think this is everything about me that's important so here are some user boxes (more to be added as I go on) and then more information/links under the cut!

Links! (More to be added later)

Spotify playlists I've made X)

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Lee is re-watching Sherlock for some fucking reason - Season One

I'm well aware that the crossover between "currently popular and loved British comedian in the US updates, thirst, and accoutrements" and "BBC show that went so off the rails that people now like to pretend Andrew Scott's breakout role was the Hot Priest in Fleabag" is limited, but weirdly, returning to Sherlock was one of the few things that was keeping my brain somewhat grounded and whirring during Work Hell.

We're in uncharted territory here. You're gonna learn a bit about the things I do when I'm not tracking John Oliver obsessively. I am nervous about this but hey, I'm guessing most of you knew I don't solely live and breathe John Oliver. (I know. I have multitudes. This is a shocking revelation. Please take time to process it.)

Firstly, a content note - there's going to be discussion about queerbaiting and queercoding villains, and the beginning of this goes into some of James Somerton's absolutely disgusting claims about the AIDS crisis. This post will only be focused on Season One, as that's all I've finished at this point.

Let's go.

(above image sourced from Writing Tips and Memes)

My sudden re-emergent hyperfixation started because of the hbomberguy takedown of James Somerton, weirdly. I don't follow many YouTubers - I like Bright Sun Films because he goes urban exploring, something I've always wanted to do but have never managed to make happen, and also Todd in the Shadows, whose Trainwreckords series is very well-done and expertly researched. Seeing that name, you might know where this is going. Todd dropped a video about James Somerton, who I had never fucking heard of and now wish I'd known about before, so I could scream bloody murder about what an absolute fuckwad he is.

(I don't want to get too in the weeds here, but the things James asserted about WWII, Nazis, and the AIDS crisis are so vehemently offensive that I'm still struggling with them. Claiming that only boring gays survived the AIDS crisis in particular is so vile that I have gotten anger flashes thinking about it almost daily since hearing it.)

Todd recommended watching all four hours of the hbomberguy plagiarism video, and I ran that in the background while working about two weeks ago. Eventually I had to stop doing that because the plagiarism revelations were so distracting and shocking. Todd's video was even more of a goddamn mindfuck, and even the smaller, less offensive things have taken up far too much space in my brain. Californians, does anyone at all deify Bob Iger??? Like... what the goddamn fuck??? Bob Iger????

After watching one hbomberguy video, the algorithm did its thing, and gave me a video called "Sherlock is Garbage and Here's Why". Posting it here for posterity:

Because my brain works in mysterious ways (-cough-ADHD-cough-), watching this... made me want to rewatch Sherlock.

I initially saw Sherlock for the first time thanks to someone I met in my last year of college, 2012. At the time, Michael (a nickname) was my neighbor in the dorms; over the past ten years, she's become one of my closest friends and a true rock in my life. One of the first things we bonded over that I introduced her to was the San Francisco Giants and the ghost I will always be chasing, Tim Lincecum; one of the first things we bonded over that she introduced me to was BBC Sherlock. The show was in the early months of its extended hiatus after Season Two, at the height of its fandom, and we were both completely obsessed. I read all the Doyle stories, took in a truly wild amount of fanfiction, wrote a not-very-popular AU fic, became part of a strange inter-dorm ARG based on Sherlock orchestrated by Michael... it consumed a huge part of our lives.

When Season 3 dropped, I almost stopped watching after "The Empty Hearse". I don't want to get into why it offended me so much before we get to a Season 3 post, but just know my enthusiasm severely dampened there. The rest of Season 3 I think of with blase emotions, especially the ending, which I found just dumb, save one part of it. I recall going to see The Abominable Bride in theatres with my mom (and maybe Michael?), and I think I liked it fine - aside, again, from the ending. But I had no interest in a Season Four, and when it dropped, Michael's long rambling phone calls describing the absolute shitstorm of a plot cemented that I was never going to watch it again.

Until now.

I definitely don't think the hbomberguy video is perfect. His insistence that Doyle canon never had Holmes pull answers to cases out of his ass is... something, lol, as is his opinion that changing the solution to certain puzzles in A Study in Pink disrespects the original canon. (Bro, these stories have been retold a bajillion times, they need to mix it up to keep it interesting.) But he put a finger on something that I'd wrestled with regarding Sherlock for a long time - that the show's writing often teased something big and new and conclusive in the horizon, but almost never delivered. That wasn't an issue in early days when there was less invested in an increasingly convoluted mythic story, or when they weren't fully blowing off the resolutions to cliffhangers, but the flaw in writing a story where you promise something huge on the horizon and never deliver should be obvious.

The first season doesn't trade much in that idea, and going back to it was something I found exceptionally enjoyable!

Before I watched:

I remembered bits and pieces of "A Study in Pink" and the whole plot in summary.

I truly didn't remember anything about "The Blind Banker" except that I found it fairly 'yellow peril'-y when I saw it in 2012.

I mixed up huge chunks of Season Two's "A Scandal in Belgravia" with "The Great Game" in my head and somehow forgot the main plot thrust was Moriarty kidnapping people and strapping bombs to them.

I genuinely forgot Sebastian Moran was a character basically hallucinated into existence by the fandom and didn't appear in the show at all until a brief appearance in Season Three.

In a way, it was like I was watching the show for the first time all over again. My partner also watched the first season with me, and it was interesting to get his thoughts on the show as we watched.

To start, his favorite character is Mycroft. Watching Season One, I had to agree that Mycroft has a depth of character that I'd forgotten about. Mark Gatiss plays him perfectly, aloof and smarter than you but unsure of how to deal with his natural feelings of concern and fear for his oft-spiraling, danger-seeking younger brother - and how those feelings magnify with the influence of extreme danger-seeker (at least in this season) John Watson. The show wants you to believe so badly that he's Moriarty in "A Study in Pink", which I don't think works even if you know he isn't Moriarty - there's a warmth to Gatiss' Mycroft that, even while he's doing incredibly ominous things like shutting off all cameras in a busy intersection, still comes through.

My favorite character is Moriarty. I haven't mentioned this very much here, because why would I, but my favorite character type in media is "theatrical abject shithead". It's why I cosplay Bakugo from My Hero Academia and loved everything about Akechi in Persona 5. Hell when I was a kid, I told teachers that when I grew up, I wanted to join Team Rocket. I love the theatrical shitheads. And boy, is Moriarty some sort of theatrical shithead. I don't DISAGREE with hbomberguy pointing out that, as written, Moriarty is a complete mess of a character, a queer-coded literal terrorist with no motivations besides "I did that because I'M CRAAAAZY!"... but he's my queer-coded literal terrorist, ok? I could write a whole paper on all the harmful stereotypes inhabiting this version of Moriarty... but I can't deny that the flamboyance and violence pulsing just beneath the surface of Andrew Scott's performance was the beating heart of that show for me. Sure, Sherlock and John, at least early on, were a compelling duo, but the show was at its best with Moriarty pulling strings for inexplicable reasons in the background. I love him.

(An aside: watching Sherlock made me remember how hilarious it was to see basically every major actor from the show in one of my favorite movies of all time, 1917, to the point that I actually kinda laughed in the theatre thinking about it.)

The entirety of the first season also is more devoted to actual crime-solving and detective work than I remembered the show being. I think that works strongly in its favor, and as I recall things from later seasons, drifting from that element definitely hampers the show greatly. In particular, while the lazy and uncomfortable Orientalism of "The Blind Banker" is still incredibly glaring, the actual mystery at the core of it is very excitingly tracked and easily followed while watching. The fact that John is treated like an equal (mostly) throughout only enhances my thoughts on that. "The Great Game" is a little more slapdash (and hurt by the fact that the entire Vermeer section would be solvable with a smartphone nowadays), but you can still make connections mentally with most of the cases and deduction/investigation is being shown logically. (hbomberguy cites the Golem as a problematic logical leap akin to some of Season Two's dumbest, and I can't agree. It's a reasonable suspension of disbelief to assume Sherlock knows about assassins and is followed by some more sensible investigation and inspection of the Golem's victim. The sequence of Sherlock fighting the Golem, however, is very, very silly.)

Related to that... the autopsy doctors on this show are fucking AWFUL at their jobs. Like straight-up negligently awful. How in the actual fuck did they not investigate the puncture marks on Connie Price's body? How did they not notice a highly distinctive heel tattoo on three recently-murdered corpses? Is Molly the only vaguely competent person in the mortuary? My partner and I were extremely amused that, while Lestrade and his police force are thankfully shown with much more intelligence than in other Holmes adaptations and BBC!Watson wouldn't think jam is a clue, the writers seem to have shunted the stupidity straight to the invisible autopsy doctors.

The first season also does a good job of making Sherlock seem like an overly intelligent if socially stunted human being, instead of the condescending prickish intellectual Ubermensch he ends up becoming as the show progresses. "A Study in Pink"'s ending being Sherlock throwing aside his deduction of the cabbie's killer when he realizes it's Watson, unconvincingly lying to Lestrade and insisting he's in shock before rejoining the other man and genuinely bonding with him, is remarkably compelling as fulfillment of a promise we get from Lestrade earlier in the episode - "Sherlock Holmes is a great man. One day he may even be a good one." My memory is admittedly faulty, but part of why "The Empty Hearse" turned me off so viscerally was Sherlock's (and to an extent, Mycroft's) insufferable growing smugness, particularly where explaining plans or mysteries to John. We get told often that Watson humanizes Sherlock and that the two have a strong bond throughout the series, but Sherlock gets much more dickish in general as the series progresses. One thing I do remember with stark clarity is that after being utterly chastised at a Christmas party in "A Scandal in Belgravia", Sherlock does visibly treat Molly MUCH better throughout the remainder of the show. So, uh, why did we lose that energy with the show's central pairing?

Speaking of the show's central pairing, the queerbaiting starts SO EARLY on this show. I want to make it clear that obviously the benefit of hindsight and knowledge of how the show ends really colors a lot about the Johnlock relationship now, and as a society, we're more aware of what queerbaiting is and what it looks like, which will obviously alter how I perceive these interactions now. I also want to make it clear that I never really shipped Johnlock outside of just kind of assuming that it would be canon because everyone seemed really convinced of it. (I was an absolute degenerate that shipped John with Moriarty. On top of enjoying theatrical disasters, I enjoy ships with an abundance of chaos and impossibility.) There's some biases at play here.

Even so, we are not far into the episode where John is protesting that obviously he needs a second bed in 221B to Mrs. Hudson, he's not gay! The scene in the restaurant has such an aggressively shippy energy to it (despite Watson's consistent denials) that I actively commented on it to my partner as it was happening, saying "the queerbaiting happens WAY SOONER than I thought!" It's distracting and has aged absolutely terribly. The worst by far is John quipping, after being removed from a bomb vest at a pool in "The Great Game", that people will talk because of Sherlock ripping his clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. Why is Watson's heterosexuality so fragile that he's thinking about gossip rags as he's actively recovering from a near-death experience?!

(Aside: I'm aware that last point is not as effective when you think about the fact that I shipped two characters whose sole canonical interaction was one man kidnapping and forcing the other into a bomb vest. In my defense, a) I love mess and b) John never quips about thinking people will talk because he got kidnapped.)

Moriarty's first appearance in "The Great Game" sees him as Molly's fake boyfriend slipping a phone number to Sherlock, which lead to my partner commenting about how distracting it also was, on top of the queerbaiting, that almost every single person on the show has some sort of deep metaphysical attraction to Sherlock. Those people aren't on the lighting and cinematography team for sure; Benedict Cumberbatch is lit ominously and sometimes demonically throughout the first season, highlighting his antihero and brusque nature effectively. But many, many characters in the show - just in season one, Molly, Moriarty, multiple characters of the day, the Cabbie, and John - are all drawn to Sherlock and his very special brain and his very sharp cheekbones. Signs of a big future problem come through in this way, where the show starts sidelining Watson as our central figure and puts Sherlock squarely at the center of everyone's universe and makes lesbians fall in love with him.

(My partner also laughed pretty hard at how obvious Moriarty's pratfalls were as Molly's boyfriend, noting that the show was pretty bad at hiding who Moriarty was every time it came up.)

Some of the seeds of Sherlock's destruction are sown in this first season, obviously. The big one I haven't touched on is the ending cliffhanger itself. Moriarty has John and Sherlock trapped in the pool, tens of sniper sights trained on them, and says that he can't let them escape. Amazing cliffhanger here! It is not fulfilled on at all, but because Andrew Scott can carry anything on his back (including Spectre, which I cannot start talking about because we'll be here all day), the scene doesn't feel like a total waste and makes you want to hang on to find out what happens later.

But there was so much here that was delightful. All the acting is uniformly excellent, and the overt physical tics that come to define Sherlock's mind palace and mental prowess being showcased are barely evident here. The actual detective work, like I said earlier, is really involving! I don't feel like I figured out the solutions for the mysteries I couldn't recall the answers for too easily and thought Sherlock's deductive reason largely followed and wasn't too obscure. I'm still such a sucker for the show's style - that opening credits sequence is so perfectly put together, the text messages that interact with the scene and at the time made this show feel so fresh and modern to me, filming the character's faces in taxis through panes of glass and obscuring material in "A Study in Pink" to give everything an obfuscating sheen... give me all of it.

The music, too, was something I'd forgotten about and truly ended up adoring. Taskmaster (and The Horne Section's score for it) really owes a debt to Michael Price and David Arnold. So much of Sherlock's score could probably be dropped straight into a Taskmaster episode and I would have to think pretty hard to notice a difference in the show's usual musical palette. I've been eyeballing the vinyl on eBay, to give you an idea of how much I love this score. "The Game is On" is a perfect piece of music, clockwork spinning noises emphasizing the jauntiness of Sherlock as he drags Watson on his latest case before sliding into the more subdued, vaguely ominous thrum of its second movement descending into the madness of the third part, violins shrieking as the action reaches its apex.

Normally, with such a degree of pleasant surprise, I'd be eager to move forward to Season Two. Unfortunately, I know the first episode of Season Two is... a doozy. To say the least. A doozy that may get its own essay because of how doozy-ish it is.

In any case, I ended up really enjoying going back to Season One of Sherlock! Super down to talk further about the show, future write-ups, and my horrible taste in fictional ships and men - shoot me a message, reply to this post, wherever, I'll be here! <3

[lanaevyssmoved]

NINE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW BETTER ❣️

tagged by @moonmothers @flymmcargo @kelemvorr @baldursgate2 !!!!!!! thank u so much.. u are all so sweet and thoughtful...

tagging @cetra @dandeyrain @princeofhags @mercymaker @lord-woolsley @hibernationsuit @alongtidesoflight @shadowcursedballs @tombtaker :D no pressure of course my friends! you may also consider this an invitation to talk to me more :3c

favorite color: wellow... ✨🍯🐝🌻💛⚡ i have loved yellow since i was very small my sister loved purple so everything she owned was purple and everything i owned was yellow.. and my room is still entirely yellow everything is YELLOW..... it just happens i gravitate

last song: uhhh spotify says i was last listening to last chapter in time, first chapter in eternity by VVN it absolutely fucks but bare in mind it might make you sad? tis music to make you feel and that shit always has different effects on people. OOP and spotify shuffle Just put on times change by umziky which is CUTE glitchpoppy stuff OH and spotify just put on higher by ia. which is vocaloid ur welcome.. this says how slow i am huh am i typing too much AND NOW ITS into the woods by phildel im making u a playlist

last movie: last movie i watched was godzilla king of the monsters with aisling teehee... every movie i've watched recently was with aisling... hehe.......

currently watching: WELL i was watching breaking bad but i burnt out around season 3 after i was binging it all day long and before that i binged all of desperate housewives all day long without any break so am i surprised i burnt out? no. also desperate housewives fucks

currently reading: uh i'm like always reading the six of crows by leigh bardugo i will open that book consume the Content and then close it whenever i feel like reading parts of it........ actually reading thru a full book currently no....not really but lets say crooked kingdom yeah

current obsession: mayhaps this question is pointless but i am deep in an autistic hyperfixation on bg3 which is showing no signs of dying down or stopping i will also say i am hyperfixating on gale himself and honestly my oc afhiri. and i think its safe to say illithids too i cannot stop myself from gobbling up information on them and i think about them just as much as the others ...........

sweet, savory, or spicy? i will sayy savoury!!!! i do like sweet but not as much . i am currently really obsessed with gravy..... not american gravy or whatever the bwi'ish kind.......... had to confirm that because i ain't got a fucking clue what american gravy is like . but i know its different!!!!!! due to my very english upbringing i never consumed spice ever in my life until i started to introduce it into my own diet a year ago and now i can eat things that say spicy just fine!! and they are very delicious. i really enjoy spicy noodles especially

currently working on: I HAVE TWO AFHIRI GALE FIC WIPS CURRENTLY ... :3c one of them is a cute domestic scene i'm writing through aislings influence and the other is a fat and large post game 3 years later fic that i cannot describe in any way than a psychological horror fic. :).....

[kindred-spirit-93]

right so, summer term is in less than a week and in the words of another tumblr post, this is for the wiggles; i need to get this out of my system before i implode. enjoy :)

greetings yall. this is essentially a list of my current ocs that live their own lives in their respective universes in the back of my mind. ill start out with a list and expand elsewhere later to avoid overwhelmingness

i will update this with links to individual oc fact files and posts in the future inshallah

･ﾟ*.･ﾟ✧ .･ﾟ*･ﾟ

✧ le fandoms and their respective established characters as of writing:

harry potter: anisa (tbc)

percy jackson: Hilal

the apothecary diaries: Maymuna

demon slayer: Siham

my hero academia: yamama (tbc)

✧ fandoms ive dabbled in that dont have established characters (yet):

spy x family

bungo stray dogs

hunter x hunter

the anne shirley serires

detective conan

inuyasha

the addams family

more that ive temporarily forgotten lol

✧ fandoms that dont get ocs for various reasons :

hamilton and other musicals

real life people (i find it weird)

childhood favourites like movies, shows, etc. (like tmnt, coraline, disney princesses, spacetoon classics like romeos blue skies...)

please kindly note that the way my hyperfixations work in terms of fandoms is that when i come across said fandom, i obsessively read every wiki page in existence and watch compilations and scour the interwebs for memes and sometimes fics, and proceed to avoid (for reasons unbeknownst to me) actually consuming the media itself (original books or its adapted versions). i believe its because i dont have the capacity to be emotionally attached to new characters and suffer, but whos to say :P

also note that these characters are in many ways inspired from my own experiences and i occasionally draw from people and places im familiar with, so in instances where things 'wouldnt work' for whatever reason, (firstly im aware, hence their existence) remember that these are works of fiction, and that with the right writing (mostly) anything works. and creative liberties mwahahaha >:)

this is one of the reasons this blog exists; for me to dump the contents of my mind to make way for other (hopefully more useful) stuff, so if u stumble on here feel free to partake (as per the guidelines stated in the pinned post), otherwise move on. this before anything else is for me and my amusement, i wont be catering to anyones interests.

this post and its contents is sponsored and made possible by maladaptive daydreaming and my other less than healthy coping mechanisms :)

me @ this post

[moths-one-super-crazy-project]

hi, i really like the idea behind this au! wanted to share this here because, as somebody who gets obsessed with stories they write which literally nobody else cares about, i very much appreciate the feeling of yelling into the void so i would just like to say that i really enjoy hearing people yap about stuff they are passionate about and would definitely want to hear more about this au because the concept has intrigued me!

hey did you know that I adore you forever for this /silly /lh

I am. so insane about this stupid fucking AU. you’re going to regret giving me this opportunity /silly /hj

it was supposed to be one sixteen-twenty chapter fic. ONE. FIC.

if it wasn’t evident, that did NOT end up happening. the original “16-20” chapter fic is currently on chapter 94, with a total of 121 planned. it is also a part of a SERIES, with FIVE other fics, all with 20-30 CHAPTERS PLANNED.

how did I get here, you may ask?

well, I choose to scrap the original rau ending for reasons that will be explored later, but I chose to start the series for a different reason

i have a tendency to start fics and drop them really quickly. my brain can only focus on one idea at a time, and I constantly have over twenty bouncing around in this empty little skull of mine. I have so many not finished projects it’s embarrassing

I was looking back through a grumbo fic I started (now the second one in the series) that I really really liked what I had planned for it, but I just could not find the motivation to finish it

then, as I was rereading it, I had the thought

“Huh. This is like royalty AU Grian and Mumbo in a different life.”

and then immediately that idea would not leave my brain

if I remember right I immediately went running to my best friend to tell them about it, because I hoped if I told someone I’d realize how stupid of an idea it was and how big of a project it is and I’d give up

I sadly did not, and now we’re here

as it stands, I have six fics planned for this series.

in ever single one, Grian and Mumbo find each other and fall in love, but not ever story can have a happy ending

I don’t know if I’ve ever hyperfixated on one of my own projects this hard before. atyau Grian and Mumbo consume my every waking thought. I’ve started learning how to DRAW because of this stupid series lmao

each and every fic in this series is so so special to me. they’re all so vastly different but also eerily similar because they never learn from their mistakes. those two do everything in their power to be able to be together only for it to never come into fruition.

after all, there’s no way to win a rigged game unless you’re the one rigging it.

anyways! gehxjsjjxjwbxjwjxjx I’m so normal about this series. the most normal.

coming up with the ideas for the other universes was SO much fun. I’ve gotten to use so many random tidbits and headcanons it’s so joyous and whimsical.

one of my favorite things I’ve gotten to incorporate is my headcanons for a wither skeleton in the fifth fic. I really rambled about this in my friend finny’s ask box here but like. either hybrids are so cool :] the coolest :] forever doomed to be either alone, or the cause of their loved one’s suffering

another dynamic I’ve really liked playing with so far is from the third fic with the God Grian and Devotee Mumbo dynamic. It’s so much fun to play around with how that power imbalance would work, especially as their relationship grows and other things happen in that fic.

I don’t know dude. I love this fic. Thank you for the chance to yap about it you’re awesome <3 /p

[w0rms-w0rms-w0rms]

nine people i'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @cedarbranch and a couple of other mutuals (first come gets tagged lol) I love shit like this it's so dumb but I love it

Three ships: gerrymichael (TMA), newmann (PacRim), jupeter (TPP)

First ship: okay this question is hard asf because it depends on whether this is about the first ship I consumed content for or the first ship I enjoyed or the first ship I created content for, but I'll give all three (in that order): Aziracrow (good omens), wesper (SoC and CK), cecilos (WTNV) -- extra mention to JonMartin (TMA) for properly getting me deep into fan spaces back in 2020 because holy shit my life would be different without that ship

Last song I listened to: Identity by the X-Ray Spex (absolute banger, I can't believe this song wasn't written by a trans person lmao)

Currently reading: In theory I am reading both the complete works of HP Lovecraft and the Iliad translation by Emily Wilson, but in practise I am actually reading about 18 different Newmann fics simultaneously

Currently watching: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (up to S4)

Relationship status: Very much single and making a conscious effort to stay that way (unfortunately put of my slut era)

Current obsessions: Very much in my Pacific Rim hyperfixation moment but I am as always still insane about TMA and TMAGP (what the fuck is up with that one guys) but let's be real Newmann has hijacked my brain for the foreseeable future

Currently craving: The boba shop near my house closed down a few months ago so I am craving the specific mint and hibiscus iced tea with passion fruit popping boba I used to order there because that was my favourite and I'm so sad it's gone :(

Favourite colour: dark reds and greens will forever be my favourite but muted yellows/golds have been calling me recently for no discernable reason lol

People I'd like to get to know: (Pretty much a bunch of random mutuals and people from the Newmann server lol feel free to ignore as is convenient) @kowabungadoodles @barelysleepyy @synthapostate @dj-crack @theeliasarchives @thisfuckofagun @kes-geiszler @foxglovecove @skellabelle

[snowrassa]

Tag game: tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better

Thanks for tagging me, @badsalmonella wahhooooo 🫶

Last song: Was listening to the ace attorney soundtrack and Not Feeling It for whatever reason

Currently watching: Just started watching Ugly Betty for the first time, it's good mindless fun. Also watching Merlin with the arthurian theatre discord. And rewatching Silicon Valley and the Office, I need low-stakes background noise to function lol

Three ships: Arthur/Guenevere/Lancelot hheeheehe Anya/Dmitry from Anastasia the musical Hrmmmm none of my other ships make my head spin enough rn to be awarded third place

Favourite color: Had a pink awakening when I was 19 and have been basking in the pink glow ever since

Currently consuming: A mandarin, eating fruit means the January blues are ending

First Ship: The evil answer is Me/Luke Triton when I was nine AKJDBKJSDLJKSA Normal answer I think is Rapunzel/Eugene or Howl/Sophie. I didn't know what to do with how much a I loved these pairs other than screenshot every frame of their films on my samsung galaxy mini

Relationship status: Single 🧍‍♀️

Last movie: The Sword of Lancelot!

Currently working on: I'm an early career artist/curator in my offline life, so exhibition applications galore. For fun, I'm learning my arthurian lore, long may the hyperfixation last 💪💪💪

Tagging: @rainsofcamelot @chevaliermalfets @wandrenowlereacts @queer-ragnelle @dalekkiller333 @availableburr please feel free to ignore <3

[nart-is-a-monster]

YESS YIPPEEE I WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT IT 🤸🤸🤸

idk how much i can say without spoilers HAHA but it's such a fun little world!! even without the horror aspects the concept of the puppet show and the characters is so so charming, they're all so fleshed out and the va's do such a good job of bringing them to life that i would be this invested if it was a real show LOL julie and eddie are definitely my favourites

and the horror is really fun!! we're at a point where it's not 100% revealed what exactly is happening so it's super fun to theorise :]]] we're definitely on the precipice of Shit Going Down so i feel like now is a super fun time to join in!!

and don't worry about watching long essays snfjchdj i think with the night mind videos they're like half an hour long each? and there's only a handful (there might be some longer streams but he's made edited down videos covering the important stuff). with the new update tho that will be a good few hours if you're checking out every page and putting clues together (which i def recommend!!)

i would love to hear ur thoughts n stuff if you do check it out! :D

I JUST WOKE UP AJJDKSJFK

Ohh I love things that has a lot of theories, it reminds me of the time I was watching gravity falls and searching for the theories on YouTube jsnfmdk

I'm using my laptop later to check all that!!!!!

The good thing is as that is on a website my laptop can handle it bc the poor thing (the laptop) has the graphic thing damage or something and all the polygons go crazy jdskdlsj

Ohhhhh now I have things to do today to see!!!

Also I don't know if you have seen the Magnus archives but it would be a little recommendation (the thing is like a podcast Abt a archivist that little by little unfolds several mysteries around the institute where he works) the thing is a ehhh just a little bit long I love consuming long pieces of media (literally i have read "omniscient readers view point" not recommended if you want to have mental health) and the thing of the Magnus archives has 200 chapters I'm currently on 160 and ajdjsjfjdj IDK talking Abt hyperfixations is so fun

Btw feel free to use the ask box to do this kind of thing I love it!

[welcometololaland]

9 people i wanna know better

been putting this off for so long i've forgotten everyone who tagged me i'm so sorry i just know @herefortarlos did because i copied her answers lmao, i think maybe also @theghostofashton @kiwichaeng @reyesstrand and @carlos-tk (thank you desi, neha, evie, maddie and d!). so sorry if i missed anyone!!! i love you!!!

current book you’re reading: i just finished educated by tara westover and i think i'm going to start circe by madeline miller next because @celeritas2997 let me borrow it and i need to give it back :)

last song you listened to: ACTIVATE by COBRAH. obsessseddddddd.

currently watching: i am slowly making my way through a documentary on juul haha.

current fic you’re reading: i'm really behind on fic reading right now. basically my beloved meet you after dark by @strandnreyes and Love From the Other Side by @lightningboltreader which is giving me so much life i can't even explain. i'm also devouring your gentle hands are stained with the blood of anothers by @birdclowns even though i have fear, The Weight of Grief by @wandering-night19 which is just beautiful and Teach You How Forever Feels by @three-drink-amy. ALSO first aid by @heartstringsduet and the band au by @basilsunrise, both of which i'm very lucky to have a doc link for.

On the RWRB side i need to catch up on so much but i just read get fucked (or die trying) by @rmd-writes and i super want to read Take me where I cannot stand by @clottedcreamfudge. ALSO I am yet to read Pour Your (He)art Out by @athousandrooms and Rae's October prompt fill (@iboatedhere).

next on my watch list: i don't really watch TV so instead i'm going to say i'm SUPER looking forward to consuming so much fic - there are some bloody amazing concepts in the works and i've been so lucky to have some creators tease me by dropping little snippets in my inbox (looking @ u @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, absolutely feral for you). if anyone else wants to do that...be my guest ;) i will scream and cry but really i love you and your teasing. ALSO i'm trying to come up with a chunk of time to dive into Knave 3 by @liminalmemories21 because i know i'm going to be fully obsessed.

current obsession: aside from my hyperfixations which are always on dash i would say pole dancing, bread, my cat (mr potato), perfume and chatting to mutuals on tumblr and discord seriously everyone come and talk to me i love you all.

gonna tag some people i don't think i've spoken to! @inkweedandlizards @girlsnightout304 @walkinginland @bitbybitwrites @lyhrcyrianne @st-elle-ar (i have spoken to you but i love dragging you into things hehe) @happiness-of-the-pursuit @buckybarnesalways and open tag for the last one (say lola sent you ;)

[bcbdrums]

For the writer asks, numbers 12 and 24!

from this lovely list, heh. thanks for the ask, OP!

12. a trope you’re really into right now

ahhh oblivious pining? is that a trope? in my current hyperfixation, i'm very stuck on these two characters as kids/teens (pre-canon) with one hopelessly pining after the other and not even realizing that he's head over heels. no comprehension of his feelings at all as his life basically revolves around the other guy, who is totally clueless and also has no comprehension of his feelings. he'd probably need someone to hit him on the head with a book and explain it to him, lol, both his own feelings and the other guy's. sooooo yeah, if pining is a trope... that's the one! 😁

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

it's a variety of things for me; no set method. if it's fandom i'm into (99% of the time), then consuming the source material can help. looking at fan art/reading fanfic can help, and heh, especially discussing the thing with others can all spur the creative juices. also the currently-popular "write it badly/write it bored" is helping me keep going. just getting the idea down at all can sometimes kick-start the creativity, and then later on i have that starting point i can come back to regardless.

another big one for me has been learning to recognize when i am at my most creative and taking advantage of it. for whatever reason for me, it's mornings, and at the start of a week. monday mornings, of all times on earth... the least convenient time of all to write, is when i get all the ideas. also realizing that a good night's sleep and a cup of coffee the next morning are huge for me! so, making the most of it when i feel it, that helps keep the flow going into times i may not be feeling creative. aaaand also getting out of the comfort zone of "must write at the computer in preferred software." some recent stories would not have happened had i not allowed myself to dictate into my phone while driving. others have been painfully typed into my phone's notes.

and last but not least... allowing myself to not be constantly creating. it's okay to rest. okay to only write the thing in my head. okay to enjoy other creations without constantly making my own. and in that same vein... not conceding to any peer pressure of any kind, even the kind that is self-imposed (e.g. telling someone i'm gonna write something and then not finishing it), and being okay with not meeting my own goals... creativity can't be wholly formulaic and i am learning what goals help me (writing prompts; self-imposed deadlines) and also learning that it's not a defeat if i don't meet the goal. just allowing myself to be when i need to, that is helping me recharge too and get away from any sense of failure that might cripple me and keep me from continuing in the long run.

i appreciate this question because i've been seriously working on analyzing my creative process and trying to keep myself going. i got into too deep of a slump and never want to be there again, but also recognize that life simply doesn't always allow the creativity to come as i want it. seeking the balance, i guess, is what i've been up to, and being okay when it's a bit off-kilter. being able to think about all this helps.

thanks again for the ask!!

[cinnamatimezz]

I'm currently hyperfixated on 4 different things rn and I'm having the time of my life rn. From reblogging memes about whatever I'm hyperfixated on, to thinking about my Hyperfixations during times where I'm supposed to be working on something it is sm fun. Chaos consumed me a long ass time ago.

[gretchenzellerbarnes]

9 people you would like to get to know better

Tagged by @renlyslittlerose, apologies for the delay, this has been sitting in my drafts for ages now 😅

1. 3 ships:

Obikin - I. Am. Obsessed. With these two idiots. My current hyperfixation with Obikin started in the run up to the Kenobi series when I went back and rewatched the prequels and TCW (weirdly Obikin as a ship didn't register for my poor oblivious bisexual arse when the prequels came out). They're equals, more intimate than lovers, two halves of a whole warrior, they spend a lot of their time together bickering like an old married couple. Ahsoka refers to them as her parents in TCW season 7. Where there is one, the other is not far behind. I'm sure it was @/gffa who wrote a meta about how (whether you view their relationship as platonic or romantic) Obi-Wan Kenobi IS the love of Anakin Skywalker's life. To me they are the Star Wars ride or die. They ended tragically in life (in canon). They lived happily ever after as force ghosts. The love was there... 😭. I am Unwell about them.

Ineffable Husbands/Wives/Spouses - An Angel and a Demon. Hereditary Enemies. Unapologetically queer. The Autistic + ADHD ship. The angel is a fussy hedonist who will cut a bitch if they damage his books. The demon is genderfluid and serves cunt on a regular basis (especially at the crucifixion). 6000 glorious, frustrating years of pining. Bad. At. Their. Jobs. Just fuckin' kiss already (heheh, yeah that didn't work out so well 😅).

Thoschei - The Doctor and The Master. They were never married. They're divorced. They're childhood sweethearts. They've killed each other at least twice. They change genders like most people change socks. They should've fucked (you can tell I have a thing for enemies to lovers, right? 🤣). They've both destroyed their own civilisation at least once. Whenever The Master shows up you never know if they're gonna kill each other or fuck nasty (or both). For once brief shining moment (Twelve x Missy, World Enough And Time) they could've been more. Again, they have this tragic thread of "it shouldn't have ended like this, but it did". Unlikely to have a happy ending ever (unless through the pages of fanfic).

Special shout out to: Rebelcaptain (my other SW ride or die), Mulder x Scully (see below), Ventrobi (what? I'm a multishipper, and these two are constantly flirting every time they fight. They totally fucked after Revenge), Blackbonnet, and Catradora.

2. first ever ship:

Mulder and Scully - I shipped these two before I even knew what shipping culture and fandom was. I remember 10 y/o me watching the first episode of The X Files (and being shit scared to fall asleep for months because I was scared aliens were gonna abduct me lol 👽) and just being hooked on the series. And as the series progressed I became hooked on these two and their partnership. My OG ride or die ship, they are the reason that most of my other ships have that ride or die, banter and bicker like an old married couple, best friends, equals, you cannot find one without the other, no one understands me like this person understands me vibe.

3. last song:

Cat Pierce - You Belong To Me

4. last movie:

Barbie.

Finally watched it last night. Currently have I'm Just Ken stuck in my head 💖

5. currently reading:

Dune by Frank Herbert.

I am. Obsessed. After watching the 2021 film - it's probably my most watched comfort film atm.

6. currently watching:

Loki, GBBO, Strictly Come Dancing, Ahsoka (rewatch), SW Prequels. After question 2 I'm wondering if it's time for an X Files rewatch.

7. currently consuming:

Mint and lime iced green tea (tastes better than it sounds) and rice pudding.

8. currently craving: Chicken noodle soup from my local Chinese takeaway.

I tag: anyone who wants to have at it because I am crap at the tagging lol 😆💖

[saunne]

Writing - Reflection and Personal Analysis (Pt 1)

(mostly rambling, if you want to read what I plan to do for the rest of NaNo, wait for the Part 2)

So I've been putting this off for two days, but I guess the end of the first week of NaNo is a good date for this kind of personal reflection. During this week of writing, of attempting to write, of abandoning writing and of writer's anxiety, I had time to think about a couple of things, to have some fairly enlightening insights on others and to better understand the whole mess I'm in.

This post is mainly for me, to keep track of my thoughts, my process and my difficulties and it may be long, so good luck to those who take the time to read my whole rambling. Cause this is but a frustrated braindump lol

First Issue - Brain is an obsessive 5yo without parental supervision

The first problem I have would be that I love writing. I really like writing. I always have a lot of imagination and a lot of ideas and therefore, in fact, a lot of WIPs, mainly fanfiction. I am part of several fandoms and I mostly operate with a main fandom and two-three secondary fandoms.

I have a tendency towards quite severe obsessive hyperfixation. This isn't new, it's something I've known for years, but that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with. My current obsessive hyperfixation is SVSSS. My current obsessive hyperfixation is not my Original Project, Erasde.

This is a Problem.

This is a problem because I keep thinking about SVSSS. My daydreams, my dreams, my ideas, my thoughts are almost constantly towards this fandom. I've had a Self-Insert living rent-free in my head for a while now. It's all-consuming. It's inevitable. It's obsessive.

My brain wants to work on these ideas and WIPs, read fics and daydream scenarios all day. My brain doesn't give a shit that it's NaNo and I was planning to work on Erasde.

I'm currently REALLY frustrated. Because I have to work on NaNo (and my thesis, but that's another problem), but my brain is a 5 year old chanting "SVSSS, SVSSS, SVSSS" over and over. I can't work on what I need to work on and I can't work on what I want to work on because of what I need to work on.

I'm really feeling like : (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Second Issue - IRL mugged me in a back alley

This year is a relatively light year for me. Which is good, considering I'm recovering from a burnout that had been brewing for two years and exploded with full force in November of last year. I was an emotional wreck, a wreck at work and study, and I was probably an ass to everyone who knew me back then.

I'm technically finished with my studies and I don't have any more classes to take. I just have to write my dissertation and prepare my oral exam to be able to validate my diploma. I have a small job that means I only work on Sundays, but I sometimes take a few shifts during the week for a little extra money. I do a little volunteering at the LGBT center, something I've wanted to do for years.

I went back to regular therapy, got an ADHD diagnosis that should have been done years ago, and I'm starting to understand why certain periods of my life and some of my relationships were so fucking screwed.

I'm healing, even if it's slow.

But I still have a lot of moments of no energy, of no desire, of stalled motivation, of fed-up-with-everything, of wanting to disappear into the nearest forest, of wanting to not having to speak for 5 and a half years and such.

So let's say that my spoons refill is very... random. Which is complicated during a challenge like NaNo, which requires a lot more energy than I thought. If I do NaNo, I have to sacrifice the energy for something else except sometimes there's nothing to sacrifice which makes it... complicated.

And it's also not something I particularly want to complain about with my friends or my family, who work 35 hours or more/week, in very demanding jobs. That would just be a dick move.

Third Issue - Brain won't brain correctly

Well, that's not new either. My brain hasn't brained properly for years, university life and my mental health on the ground have only made it worse but we're getting by. I will soon be put on treatment for ADHD, with Menylphredate. The cardiologist gave her approval so I collect my prescription at the end of the month, at the next appointment. I have very, very high hopes for this treatment.

But the fact is, my brain doesn't brain. In addition to not being able to concentrate, everything is mixed up in my head.

The biggest problem is a language problems. I am a native French speaker, but I have become accustomed over the last 4 years to writing almost exclusively in English. The vast majority of my writing in French was assignments for university, courses and analysis papers. I can no longer write fiction in French. Everything I write feels off, uncomfortable, messy, meaningless and it's fucking FRUSTRATING.

The mixing of styles is also a problem. I don't have a defined "novel" style. I have a fanfiction writing style, which I have worked on and which has evolved with my practice over the last few years, but I have no basis in style for a novel. Which has been really annoying this week because everything I've written makes me want to send my laptop flying out the window.

The fact is also that in parallel with NaNo and my fics, I have to write my thesis. I'm shitty with academic methodology and almost literally have to rewire my entire functioning to write academic papers, so when I then have to write fiction, it goes haywire. It's tiring. I'm currently on a short schedule to send the first part for review to my teacher and it's taken up all my energy and my ability to function this past week.

And I won't be free of this shit until February at best, April at worst.

┻━┻ ︵ ＼( °□° )／ ︵ ┻━┻

Fourth Issue - There is a Whole World in my head

Originally, Erasde was just a worldbuilding project. Like, worldbuilding for the sake of doing worldbuilding, to put the cool facts I was learning in history class in one place and absorb my excess imagination to be able to concentrate on my classes.

It then became a sort of "refuge" for my favorite fandom OCs, reworked to adapt to this new universe, and then joined by old OCs from an original project and finally by OCs native to the project.

The fact is that I built this world for 3 years, it's still not finished but damn, I have a fuckton of information to pass on, so many things that serve as clues, from Chekhov's gun, forshadowing and... Yeah, it's a nameless mess. I'm not necessarily the most organized person in the world, but we've reached a new level of fuckery with Erasde.

Figuring out how to organize all this mess is what blocks me the most about writing NaNo. Because it's not a fanfic. The people who read don't know the setting like I know it, they have to discover it and there is a limit to what the "in situ" setting can do.

Fifth Issue - Planning didn't go as planned

Because I should have planned and I didn't. Well yes, I did it, but not correctly. Or not enough. Or both.

With fanfics, since I know the setting and the characters and I don't have a fuckton of information to pass along to make myself understood, this would have been less of a problem. I can get away with writing a multi-chapter fics mostly in freestyle, complete improvisation, or with the barest handful of notes.

I CAN'T DO THAT WITH A NOVEL.

Which will conclude this long rambling post and take us to part two, where I will actually explain my plan of action.