#life/work and my current hyperfixation are consuming me

[querido-eh-dump]

connor at the end of the book/show

[august-anon]

Training Montage

#AugTickletober2024 Days 13 & 14, Win & Lose

My first tickletober fic of the year, and my first time exploring writing with DC characters! I have been. Hyperfixating on the batfamily (which has broadened to a far larger amount of DC characters now and continues to grow, i will never escape DC lol) since like. June. So this has been a long time coming skjdfhdf

Also this fic features FULLY PLATONIC AND NOT WEIRD parent-child tickles so if that's not your thing this is not your fic!

You can blame this fic on that one quick scene in BTAS episodes Robin's Reckoning where Dick and Bruce are fencing and then start goofing off, and also the part with Bruce and Jason in @/fickle-tiction's fic For Old Time's Sake.

Also, disclaimer: i have only consumed so much canon media, very little of it so far being comics and most of it being DCAU, so my current knowledge of a LOT of these characters is very fanon-based, so the characterization will also be very fanon-based

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Fandom: DC - Batfam

Ship(s): NONE/GEN/PLATONIC - under no circumstances is this Batcest

Characters (lee/ler): Switch!Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian

Word Count: 4609 words

Summary: Snippets of Bruce training with his sons over the years.

[ao3 link]

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Dick’s training was progressing exceptionally well. He had always been fast and agile thanks to his acrobatic upbringing, but he was quick to pick up the offensive and defensive maneuvers Bruce was trying to impart. Still, he was so young. Sometimes Bruce couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing, bringing a child into this life.

It became all too apparent in moments like these, where training suddenly switched from work into play with just a few of Dick’s childish giggles. Bruce couldn’t help the grin they brought to his own face, laughing a little himself as Dick dove into the open space between Bruce’s legs to evade a grapple.

“Okay, now you’re gonna get it,” he said.

Dick kept giggling, the laughter melting into a yelp as Bruce grabbed the edge of the training mat and yanked, sending Dick crashing down onto the plush surface. Bruce launched after him, wiggling fingers outstretched like weapons.

“No fair!” Dick shouted, his giggling bubbling up into full laughter as he tried to squirm away from the hands squeezing his sides. “You cheated!”

“Oh, yeah?” 

He tripped his fingers up to Dick’s ribs, laughing along as Dick flopped around like a fish out of water. It was adorable how uncoordinated Dick became when he was tickled, all that acrobatic control flying out the window. 

“Cheating cheater!” Dick screeched, kicking his legs and rolling onto his back to dislodge Bruce. All he accomplished was opening up his stomach for Bruce to target.

“You’ve got to learn to fight dirty, Dick,” Bruce said, trying to adopt the tone he often used to give corrections in training but falling closer to amused than anything. “A mugger on the street isn’t going to fight fair.”

“A mugger isn’t gonna tickle me, B!” He squealed as Bruce’s hands tried to sneak into his armpits, clamping his arms down tight as if it would do anything to keep Bruce out.

“Hmm, you never know.”

“B!”

Bruce’s own fond laughter was cut short as a small foot caught him in the jaw, sending him down to the floor. Dick really was improving, that kick packed way more punch than any ten year old should. That was definitely going to bruise.

“That’s what you get,” Dick said through his giggles. He sat up as they slowly petered out, eyeing Bruce’s prone form. “Uh, B? You good?”

Quick as lightning, Bruce shot a hand out to wrap around a tiny ankle. He shot Dick his best evil grin. “Not bad. But you’re going to regret that.”

Dick’s squeaky, childish laughter echoed throughout the Cave once more. 

_____

Training with Jason was tricky. When he’d first brought Jason to the Manor, they could hardly share a room without Jason bristling. If he made any sudden movements or showed any signs of anger, Jason tensed and shied away as if preparing for a strike, even if he kept up his hissing and spitting and posturing all the while.

It made sparring quite the issue when preparing Jason to take up the Robin mantle. Initially, Bruce thought it might’ve helped if Dick were around more often – Jason always seemed less wary of him, whether it was the fact that they were closer in age or something else, Bruce had no idea – but these days their arguments were explosive and often had Dick not speaking to him for weeks at a time. 

Unfortunately, as it turned out, Dick being present for training only added to the tension. 

“You need to tuck your legs more for that flip.”

“I fucking know–”

“Language, Jason.”

“Yeah, Jason, language.”

“I’ll show you language–”

“Boys!”

The two snapped their mouths shut, glaring at Bruce, and he had to resist the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh. Maybe Bruce should’ve thought through giving Jason the Robin mantle a little more carefully. Maybe it would’ve minimized the sniping by at least some amount.

“Perhaps we should switch to sparring, for now,” Bruce said. “Who wants to go first?”

Jason’s shoulders tightened almost imperceptibly. Unfortunately, due to Dick focusing more on his phone than training, Bruce was the only one to notice.

Dick scoffed. “Yeah, I don’t think so, you big fat cheater.”

Bruce shot Dick a look, but his eyes were still glued to his phone as he lounged across one of the benches. He forced himself to swallow his frustration. He promised Alfred that he’d try his best not to start a fight today – Alfred wanted a family dinner tonight, and Bruce couldn’t deny that the prospect sounded nice.

Bruce led Jason into a spar, both of them tight with tension. Dick split his attention between furiously texting – probably the Teen Titan’s group chat, if Bruce had to guess – and lazily watching their spar. Eventually they managed to settle into a sort of rhythm despite the tension thrumming through them, at least until Bruce brought attention to an open window in Jason’s defense. Of course, he would never hit his children, sparring or not, but instead of the usual controlled tap he would use on Jason, Bruce forgot himself for a moment and delivered a sneaky pinch to Jason’s side.

The squeal that echoed through the Cave’s training grounds got even Dick’s attention, his phone falling smack onto his nose as he fumbled it in surprise. Everyone froze, eyes wide. Jason blinked in Bruce’s direction for a moment before his cheeks flushed bright red, completely detracting from the scowl he twisted his face into.

“I’m not ticklish,” Jason stated, his voice as close to a growl as a pre-pubescent child could get.

It took all of Bruce’s Batman training to fight down his smile. “Of course not. No one said you were.”

Jason crossed his arms over his chest, shuffling his feet. “Good. Because I’m not.”

Dick leaned forward, almost rolling off the bench, a smug smile on his face. Bruce shot him a warning look, and the teasing expression melted into a pout. It seemed as though Bruce wasn’t the only one who got a lecture from Alfred.

“Bruce has always been a dirty cheat,” Dick said instead of whatever taunt he’d cut off. 

Jason turned and blinked at him.

Dick raised his eyebrows. “He’s always been a massive tickle monster.”

“Hey,” Bruce said. “From what I remember, there was a rambunctious little boy who often asked for the tickle monster.”

Dick scowled at him, his own cheeks turning red to match Jason’s. “I did no such thing.” He turned to Jason and shrugged. “He used to do it all the time, he hated pretending to hit me so he always tickled me instead.” His eyes flickered to Bruce for a moment, a smirk growing on his face. “Good thing you’re not ticklish then, huh, Jay?”

“... Right.”

Bruce guided Jason back into the spar. This time, Jason was noticeably looser and more focused. His body still carried some amount of that wary tension, but he was no longer eyeing Bruce like he was a cornered animal. When Jason’s guard slipped again, leaving the same window open, Bruce didn’t hesitate in his attack.

“You need to watch your left,” he instructed, reaching out and squeezing at Jason’s side once more.

Jason let out another loud squeal, making Dick laugh and Bruce fail to shove down another smile. Jason tripped over his own feet as he tried to scramble away and landed on the mat. Bruce followed him down, careful to kneel next to him and leave plenty of openings for Jason to escape if he felt trapped. He wiggled his fingers against Jason’s sides, breaking into a grin at the giggles it produced.

“Bruce!”

Bruce chuckled. “Yes, Jaylad?”

Jason kicked his feet out and curled into a ball as best as he could, but he didn’t roll away from Bruce’s hands or shout at him to stop. Bruce allowed his hands to converge on Jason’s stomach as he uncurled with another kick, earning himself a bout of loud laughter that he’d never heard Jason make before. Jason struggled to thrust a hand out, reaching in Dick’s direction.

“Dick, help me!”

Behind him, Bruce heard the bench shift and the unconscious hums Dick would make when he stretched out his muscles. Then, there was a battle cry and the thudding sound of feet against the training mats.

“I’ll save you, Jay!”

Bruce braced as Dick launched onto his back – DIck definitely wasn’t twelve anymore, and Bruce worried that he’d be feeling that one in the morning – and locked his arms around Bruce’s neck. Jason got a brief reprieve as Bruce flipped Dick over his shoulder, both of them laughing all the while. Dick smacked into the mats next to Jason with a wheeze, and Bruce waited a moment for him to get a breath in before he attacked once more, a set of wiggling fingers for each son.

Dick’s thrashing was chaotic as ever as he cackled, Bruce deciding to be a bit mean and sneak his fingers directly into Dick’s underarm. Jason curled into a giggling little ball once more, jolting as Bruce gently pinched up and down his ribcage.

“B! You asshole!” Dick shrieked.

Bruce laughed. “You brought this on yourself, chum.”

Training with Jason went a lot smoother from then on, and Dick even started coming by more often again – even if it was just to see Jason and avoid Bruce. They never did manage to perfect that double-team attack to get their revenge on Bruce.

_____

Bruce didn’t think he’d ever escape the guilt he felt over how Tim’s training began. He didn’t think he deserved to either, especially when he would find Tim training on his own, working himself to the point of exhaustion or injury in order to achieve perfection. Now that Bruce was in his right mind and would end their joint training sessions at a more reasonable point, Tim would get frustrated with him and slink off to bury himself in cases instead.

When they sparred, there were no taunting remarks, no dirty tactics designed to draw a laugh out of the Batman, no playfulness as they both began to tire out and call an unofficial end to training. Tim took it all so seriously, and it was all Bruce’s fault. He did this to the boy, and now he had to fix it. He couldn’t rely on Dick to fix all the issues his “emotional constipation” caused, no matter how appealing the idea seemed. 

Unfortunately, Bruce was not good with words, and it’s not like Tim would have been likely to listen to them anyways. Fortunately, he has another idea – it’s what made Jason eventually relax in regards to training, at least. Not that Tim was Jason. He was getting better at not making those comparisons anymore.

Though it was a bit hypocritical for him to condemn, Tim had arrived at training that day already noticeably overworked. His moves were sloppy (though sloppy for a Bat was not the same as sloppy for anyone else) and he was clearly frustrated with own mistakes and shortcomings. Tim was good at keeping a lid on his temper, but Bruce could see the tension in his jaw, the furrow in his brow, the tightness in his lips. They had only been training for a fraction of their normal time before Bruce decided to put his plan into motion, unwilling to let Tim drive himself any further into the ground.

Bruce lunged forward, ducking under a sloppy block, and managed to tackle Tim to the mat, taking extra care to protect Tim’s head and neck. Tim grunted as they hit the mat, but immediately set to squirming away instead of tapping out just as Bruce predicted. Instead of grappling him and letting him get in some practice with breaking holds, Bruce levered himself up and immediately set to vibrating his fingers into Tim’s ribs. Tim yelped and and his squirming increased tenfold, his eyes going wide and shocked.

“Bruce! What are you doing?”

Bruce’s lips quirked up. “Your block was sloppy. I’m just showing you where you need to defend.” Bruce let one hand wriggle into his armpit while the other scurried down to his stomach.

“What are you– Why– What is– Bruce!” Tim’s voice went all high-pitched and warbly as he smacked uselessly at Bruce’s hands, clearly unsure how to even defend himself.

Bruce chuckled, even as his heart ached at Tim’s confusion with affection as simple as tickling. “A little laughter never hurt anyone, Tim. No reason why training needs to hurt.”

Before he could respond, Bruce’s hands jumped up to flutter around his neck and ears, just to see him scrunch up. And scrunch up Tim did, his shoulders jumping up as high as they could while Tim scrabbled for Bruce’s wrists and shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the fingers. Finally, the dam broke and Tim burst into boyish giggles, finally looking and sounding his age for the first time since he showed up and insisted that Batman needed a Robin.

And Tim had been right, Batman had needed a Robin. But it looked like maybe Tim needed a new family. Bruce made a mental note to look into the Drake’s parenting while keeping Tim in his newfound state of giggles. Hopefully after this they could convince Tim to take a nap. And if not, well, Dick had been dying for a movie night. If anyone could get Tim to take a break, it would be him.

_____

Bruce hadn’t overseen the start of Damian’s Robin training. Instead, that responsibility had fallen to Dick, though he had been wracked with grief and presumed Bruce dead at the time. Now that Bruce was back and prepared to take on the burden of Batman once again, he could see Dick’s teachings in almost every move Damian made, melding carefully with his training from the League of Assassins. But even still, he tackled his training with a single-minded determination that could put Tim or even Bruce himself to shame – that was one thing that had not changed while Bruce was lost in the timestream.

Sometimes, it seemed like one of the only things.

Still, that didn’t mean Bruce was prepared to let Damian overwork himself. He clearly had some hangups from his life in the League, and it didn’t seem as though anyone had worked it through his head that overtraining would only harm him in the long run. Up until now, during their spars, Bruce had used the same gentle taps that he’d used to train all his boys. When the next opening in Damian’s defenses came, Bruce didn’t stop to think about his actions, so used to the years of training with his other sons. He pinched gently at Damian’s exposed ribs, both to bring attention to his weak defense and to start the process of winding training down.

Damian made a startled, choked-off noise and went tense for a brief moment, but he recovered well, swiftly disengaging from Bruce’s attack. He eyed Bruce from the other end of the mat, still balanced on his toes and ready to fight despite the sweat dripping down his brow and the exhaustion Bruce could see pulling at his limbs.

“I expect this sort of behavior from someone as frivolous as Grayson,” Damian said. “But you, Father?”

Bruce allowed the corner of his mouth to tick up. “Who do you think taught it to him?”

“Tt.” Damian sneered. “As I’ve told Grayson numerous times – games such as these have no business on the training mats.” He sniffed. “Plus, I am not a child.”

Bruce stared Damian down, in all his four-and-a-half foot, ten-year-old glory. “Of course not.”

“So we may continue training without any more of this nonsense?”

Bruce allowed a full, broad smirk to cross his face. “If you don’t want to get tickled, don’t get caught.”

Damian’s eyes went wide, and for a moment he truly looked like the young and innocent boy he should have been, but they just as swiftly narrowed in determination as he lowered himself back into a fighting stance. Even as tired as he was, Damian was able to hold his own very well – clearly a skill born of necessity. Hopefully they could convince him to pace himself eventually.

But as skilled as he was, Damian was still just a child. Eventually, he slipped up and Bruce was able to slip under his defenses. A few pokes, prods, and pinches later, Damian was on the ground, red-faced as he tried not to laugh under Bruce’s tickling fingers.

“You know,” Bruce said. “I’m told it’s much better if you just let it out.”

Damian shook his head with a jerk, trying valiantly to escape Bruce’s clutches. Unfortunately for him, Bruce was well-versed in the pinning and tickling of trained child vigilantes. Damian finally broke, kicking out with a childish shriek, when Bruce started pinching the muscles just above his knees. If it were Dick or even Tim, Bruce might’ve started teasing to get into his head and make it tickle that much more. As it was, Bruce thought Damian might bite his head off if he tried. Instead he just grinned wide, chuckling along with Damian’s surprisingly shrill laughter, and kept his cooing about how adorable his son was in his own mind.

Bruce’s attack didn’t last long. He didn’t want to push Damian too far with how exhausted he already was. Not to mention, their relationship was tentative and hesitant enough already, with Damian trying to figure out how he fit with Bruce now after the relationship he had built with Dick. Bruce only kept Damian laughing for a few minutes before releasing him and giving his hair a suitable ruffle, much to Damian’s disdain.

Maybe they’d be able to figure this out after all

_____

It was rare these days for Bruce’s sons to all be in the Manor at the same time. Rarer still for them to have gathered together on the training mats, what with how many fratricide attempts had passed between the four of them. Bruce had been planning on doing some solo exercise before patrol, but now he found himself on edge as he cautiously approached the Cave’s training area.

Bruce set aside the tape he had grabbed for his knuckles, crossing his arms over his chest. “Boys.”

“Hey, B!” Dick chirped, grinning from where he hung upside down on one of the pullup bars. “Getting some training in?”

He raised an eyebrow, scanning over the four of them for injuries. “I was intending to.”

Jason scoffed from where he was stretching out on the training mats. He was in nothing but a t-shirt and sweats, the most dressed down Bruce had seen him since he’d come back to them. He wore his leather jacket like a shield these days, especially on the rare occasions he visited the Manor.

“Don’t let us stop you, old man.”

Bruce hummed, turning his gaze to his two youngest. “Tim. Damian.”

“Hi, Bruce.”

“Father.”

Dick flipped off the pushup bar with a flourish. “Up for a spar, Bruce? It’s been a while.”

Bruce scanned over the four boys again, eyes narrowing. “Did you break something?”

They blinked at him.

Dick frowned. “No– B, what?”

“Did someone crash the Batmobile?”

Tim cocked his head. “No?”

“Did–”

“Jesus Christ, B,” Jason groaned. “Is it so hard to believe we can get along for one hour?”

Bruce didn’t answer. Tim snorted.

“Fair.”

“Tt.”

Bruce looked them over for any hidden injuries one last time before he relented, turning back to Dick. “As long as your brothers don’t mind us taking up the space.”

Bruce’s sons vacated the mats, leaving just him and Dick behind. As usual, Dick was a skilled opponent. They hadn’t had much chance to spar recently, the only chance Bruce had to see him fight being out in the field, and he had certainly improved. He’d been doing this almost as long as Bruce after all, it only made sense that he’d be a formidable opponent. 

Eventually, Bruce went in for a grapple. Dick was shorter than he was, and his build much smaller due to his background in acrobatics. It was good for him to practice escaping the grip of someone larger and stronger than he was. Only, Dick’s returning grapple was much sloppier than Bruce remembered it being. He frowned, easily tackling Dick down to the mats.

Like second nature, Bruce’s fingers immediately tickled near one of the openings Dick had left in his defenses. He got little more than a squeaky yelp out of Dick before he was tackled from behind with a roar. It was a move that Jason and Dick had used often in training to mess with him, back when Jason was Robin. Back then, it wound up with both boys on the mats being tickled to pieces. Unfortunately for Bruce, Jason was now much larger and had the benefits of League training making his steps far quieter. Bruce rolled with the attack with a grunt, trying not to crush Dick under their combined weight, and started grappling with Jason instead.

“Getting rusty with age, old man?”

Bruce scoffed, trying not to smile lest he scare Jason off. He couldn’t help but feel like this was progress between the two of them. “Not likely.”

Jason was almost as large as Bruce now and matched him well in strength too, but in the end, Bruce’s experience won out. Just as he started gaining the upper hand, however, Dick launched on top of the both of them. Then Tim. Then Damian. Somewhere along the way, Jason had managed to slip out from under him, adding himself to the top of the pile. Bruce collapsed down to the training mats, pinned under their collective weight.

“That was kind of a sloppy block, Bruce,” Tim said from where he was perched on one of Bruce’s legs.

“Yeah, B, come on,” Dick said. “A mugger isn’t gonna fight fair, you’re gonna have to do better than that.”

Bruce narrowed his eyes at his children. “Boys–”

Jason clucked his tongue. “And no one to save the big, bad Batman.”

Bruce knew where this was going. He probably should’ve expected it honestly, after all those years of tickling his kids to the ground. It certainly wasn’t the first time any of them had sought revenge either, simply the first time they had decided to work together as a group since Bruce was able to take them down easily on their own (or even in duos, he recalled Jason’s Robin days fondly). He was their father, of course he knew what tickle spots would have them cackling on the mats in seconds, tears in their eyes. 

Unfortunately for them, though, Bruce had trained himself out of such reactions long ago – at least to an extent. He was well-versed in burying the sensation, blocking it out until it went away, and he could hold out for quite some time. Probably more than long enough for them to get bored. There was only one weak spot that he’d never been able to block out, but they would never–

Dick gave an evil grin from where he sat on one of Bruce’s arms, reaching out and fluttering fingers behind one of Bruce’s ears. On his other side, Jason chuckled under his breath and did the same.

–Damn it, they brought Alfred into it.

Bruce let out a strangled, high-pitched noise before clamping his lips shut. He shook his head violently, trying to dislodge the tormenting fingers, but his children were nothing if not tenacious.

“Come on, Bruce,” Dick goaded. “It’s so much better if you just let yourself laugh!”

“Yeah, B,” Tim said, his fingers resting on Bruce’s side, seemingly waiting for a signal. “A little laughter never hurt anyone, right?”

“Boys,” Bruce bit out, swallowing around the snickers trying to burst out of his throat. “Cut it out.”

“If you did not want to get tickled, Father, then you should not have gotten caught.”

He raised such little shits. His own revenge for this would be swift and ruthless. The boys didn’t stand a chance. But first, he had to free himself.

Bruce tried to twist his arms out from under Dick and Jason’s weight, the tickling not having weakened him yet thanks to him holding back his laughter. Jason scoffed and added another hand to his tickling against the side of Bruce’s neck, Dick quickly following suit. And unfortunately, with the fingers behind his ears already driving him insane, Bruce had little brainpower left to block out the sensation on his neck.

Bruce broke.

His laughter came out quick, sporadic, and embarrassingly high-pitched. He tried to jerk his head away from the tickling fingers, but with Dick and Jason on either side of him, it was impossible to escape. Not to mention, apparently his laughter was the signal his youngest were waiting for, as after a few moments they both dug into their own respective spots. Tim’s hands spidered and squiggled and dug in around his side and stomach, while Damian began squeezing the muscles just above his knee, tickling around and behind it. It took all of Bruce’s self control to not kick out and throw him off – Damian was still so small, Bruce didn’t want to accidentally hurt him.

His laughter turned loud and booming as his kids switched around their spots, tickling anywhere they could reach. It echoed throughout the training area and into the Cave proper, the bats screeching in discontent as the noise disturbed their slumber.

“Damn, old man, how did none of us know you were this ticklish?”

“There you go, B! Does that tickle? That’s what you get!”

“Sorry, Bruce, but you do kinda deserve this.”

Unsurprisingly, Damian did not add into the teasing. His tickling was vicious enough to make up for it – he clearly paid far too much attention to tactics whenever Bruce or Dick tickled him to the ground. Bruce was oddly proud.

To Bruce, it felt like years before the tickling finally tapered off, though in reality he knew it hadn’t been more than several minutes. His laughter had gone hoarse, his throat and vocal chords far more used to his fake Brucie laugh than anything this genuine for this long. There was sweat dripping down his face and neck, and his muscles ached – his upper body from trying to free himself from his eldest boys, and his legs from keeping himself tense enough that he wouldn’t kick out and injure his youngest two. And embarrassingly enough, tears had gathered in his eyes, though none had managed to fall free just yet. As his boys climbed off him, Bruce could do little more than lay there and gasp for air, pushing down any residual laughter as he tried to compose himself.

“I see the revenge was a success,” Alfred said from the edge of the training mats. There was a water bottle in his hand, chilled and dripping with condensation. Bruce reached for it gratefully.

“Traitor,” he murmured under his breath.

Alfred heard it anyway, based on the unimpressed eyebrow he raised at Bruce. “If I remember correctly, Master Bruce, Master Dick was not the only little boy who ran around asking to play Tickle Monster.”

Heat flooded Bruce’s face as his children burst into laughter around him. He chugged down the water he had been given to hide the fact that he had no retort for that. Still, there was no mistaking the fond smile on Alfred’s face.

After all, a father always knew what tickle spots would take down his kid in seconds.

[purpurussy]

what is all of this like for post-hiatus phannies?

I've been trying to figure out how to phrase this for a minute. The most obvious comparison would be that it's like starting a TV show 10 seasons in, but that doesn't come remotely close to the amount of required reading necessary to understand even 5% of the references. This has not been a problem for me, as I love nothing more than a good all-consuming hyperfixation rabbit hole, but something I'm realizing is that you really just had to be there to fully Understand.

I got into d&p properly in December of 2023, when gamingmas appealed to my emotionally curious nature and then gave me some kind of irreversible brain damage which I'm still trying to process. Since then I've been consuming their back catalogue as though it's laced with cocaine, and obsessively lurking on phannie tumblr until I finally made this blog a few weeks ago.

-

I actually watched Dan's videos for a little while back in roughly 2013/2014, but something about his content back then just wasn't working for me like it does now (I have such a clear memory of watching Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail and thinking "aw man why does this cute little twink hate himself so much 😔" and then going back to watching Jenna Marbles lmao. Funnily enough it did make me change my negative self-talk a little bit). I was very much a brief casual viewer who went off them pretty much after watching a few videos, and after that I was sort of vaguely aware of them as the cultural icons of the 2010s that they were, but I wasn't keeping up with them at all. 

I don't even remember BIG coming out, which is insane because I've always been extremely chronically online and it definitely broke containment as a cultural moment (although I think I was trying to minimize my social media use at that point in my life, so maybe that's why it went over my head). I feel like I must have heard something about it at the time, though, because I knew they were gay when I started watching them last year. What's really strange is that a lot of this stuff is kinda timeless to me. I don't remember it happening 5, 10 or 15 years ago - I just witnessed it very recently. For a lot of you guys, BIG happened 5 years ago, but I just watched it for the first time a few months ago. At the same time, in my mind they've just always been gay, since I wasn't in the trenches of the unhinged online culture surrounding them in the early/mid 2010s. It's so confusing to balance my weird temporal perception of these events with the impressions that I get from you guys. Oftentimes I have to judge roughly when something would have happened based on their appearances - it's not actually a *memory* for me, like it is for you. I absolutely love the dynamic and branding they have now, and the deep dives into their past are more of a curious exploration of how they got here, rather than actually nostalgic (or, I suppose, mildly traumatic) for me. It’s still very interesting and compelling to me, but because I love the current iteration of Dan and Phil, not because I’m emotionally invested in who they used to be. 

Sometimes I’ll be aware that an event happened, but I won’t realize how monumental it was until I see people talking about it (I hate to say it but I genuinely don't fully understand why the BONCAs thing was so earth-shattering, but like I said, I've always lived in a post-BIG universe, and I think you just had to be there). There are also plenty of references to stuff that's just been lost to time, which I have to piece together with context clues, as well as the more unhinged demonic stuff that I just don't have any interest in exploring whatsoever (I think I might have watched the v-day video if I'd been there when it leaked and I was a stupid teenager, but at this point, I don't even feel any kind of morbid curiosity for it. I just feel really bad for them that it got leaked. Plus, unfortunately, I think I've learned all I need to know about it through internet osmosis here). I feel like a lot of these events have a real emotional meaning for you guys, when to me, they're just interesting/funny/insane anecdotes which give some context to everything. Some of the shit that you guys lived through back then is absolutely wild, and I love and appreciate all of you for meticulously archiving and documenting everything and for being so willing to answer the same questions over and over again! Otherwise I feel like I wouldn't be able to really be part of this community, and posting my silly little memes on this blog is so fucking fun. So thank you all for that.

It seems like this is one of the most ride-or-die fanbases I've ever seen. The fact that they could invent the concept of YouTubers doing world tours, successfully execute that multiple times, branch out into several other ventures, come out as gay not fully knowing how that would affect their careers, disappear for several years and then come back knowing that there would be a solid audience waiting for them even after their virality had died down, drop merch every 3 seconds - I don't know who else can really get away with that, for almost 15 years, in the extremely "live fast die young" culture of internet fame. And I think it's in no small part because you all have chronic "unconditionally supporting dan and phil" disease. (While we’re on the topic, I feel very lucky to have missed the hiatus era. There's kind of a compression in the timeline for me between the gaming channel going dark and Dan starting his WAD tour, where it's like that time just doesn't exist in the Dan and Phil cinematic universe for me. It took me a while to realize how insane it must have been when they came back in full force, I can't even imagine how that must have felt.)

Of course, there's a caveat in that I'm saying this only really knowing about the tip of the demon iceberg. I’m aware of people engaging in behaviours such as doxxing them, outing them and stalking their families, which is horrifying in and of itself, but I don’t know how long it went on for or how many people were involved. I think people are generally pretty well-behaved at this point, and most of the drama seems to be between different schools of thought within the fanbase itself. I assume a big part of the reason for that is people's varying degrees of involvement in (and remaining notion of guilt for) the boundary-crossing behaviour from the old days. Living with the spectre of this insanity is kind of strange - it makes me feel nervous sometimes that I’m gonna accidentally say something that hits a nerve, or cross a line I didn’t know existed, because there’s all this history that I don’t fully understand, beyond just the normal unwritten rules for interacting with fan spaces online. 

-

The topic that got me writing this in the first place was the orange heart incident, and everyone’s subsequent meltdown. For me, the excitement in them soft/hard/semi launching is more about me just getting excited about any open, proud expression of queer joy - it heals something inside me every time I hear a man referring to his husband or a woman referring to her wife (excuse the gendered terms, ykwim. gay shit). It's just that sentiment, combined with the fact that I'm parasocially invested in them: I'd love to see that energy from my fave little guys who live inside my computer. I am basically rooting for them to become more comfortable with just talking about gay stuff more openly and candidly, and I guess that would require a bit of a hard launch, although I can understand that they don't want to potentially open the door to excessive questioning regarding their relationship. I feel like it ✨hits different✨ for people who watched them for years before they came out. Like, you guys are rooting for people who you watched in real time struggling with their identities and internalized homophobia for years and years, while to me, they’re just some guys who I’m a fan of. Sometimes I get caught up in the emotional frenzy of their hard-launch breadcrumbs even though I don’t feel quite as insane about it as you guys (I said in some tags a few days ago that it’s like the base instinct to turn around and start running if you see a crowd of people running towards you and screaming in terror, even if you have no idea what’s going on). Anyway, I would love to see them being more gooey with each other, and I am gobbling up the breadcrumbs they're feeding us atm, because I love seeing gay people expressing gay love with no shame 🧡 

I think my perception of them as a couple, or of their sexualities independently, is just kind of an extension of everything Dan said in BIG. I really have no doubt that they're a couple, and I don't feel any kind of weird Catholic guilt in saying that, since I neither witnessed nor participated in the insanity back then. I interpreted (I'm paraphrasing) "obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic, we're like, actual soulmates" followed by "as for the situation now? we're private people and we'd like to keep that part of our lives private" as him essentially saying that obviously they're a couple, but that their relationship is not part of the Dan And Phil™ Brand. The brand is 2 guys who have great chemistry doing comedy together (5 feet apart even though clearly they are gay and in love). And I think that's a completely healthy decision to make, even irrespective of their history. I think a hard launch would be subtle, and it wouldn’t realistically change the nature of their content that much. 

With that being said, to me, it seems slightly wild for people to adamantly insist they're not a couple, or that it’s “invasive” to assume that they are one (not that that really applies to anyone here, but elsewhere on the internet). If they were a straight man and a straight woman, and there wasn't a huge chunk of people on the internet struggling with this oddly conditioned aversion to seeing them as a couple, then nobody on earth would be insisting that it's weird to assume they're together. Dan confirmed that they became romantically involved around the time they met, and building a forever home with your ex is crazy, that's all there is to it.

-

This is kind of a messy stream of thoughts (it ended up sort of becoming 2 essays for the price of 1) and I don't really know where I was going with it. In conclusion I think that day 1 phannies are braver than any US marine and you have all suffered more than Jesus on the cross, and I'm extremely thankful that I get to reap the rewards of your labour now without having lived through the dark ages myself. I also think some of you are holding onto a bit of unnecessary guilt for dumb shit you said on the internet when you were a kid. And Dan and Phil are gay and I love them and I reeeeaaaallllyyy want them to do a podcast so bad because this is all conjecture and I would parasocially love to hear their actual thoughts on it

[jelly-of-many-ships]

Intersting experience in math class:

I was doing some work while listening to the good omens soundtrack because it helps me focus and I love remembering which scene each track is from. Anyway, David Arnold (the composer) also composed most of the music for BBC Sherlock, which I don’t think too many people know (He’s amazing and I love literally everything he makes). And so when I finished the good omens album it started playing other music by the artist, which in this case, happened to be the BBC Sherlock intro.

I have not heard that song in almost a year in a half. BBC Sherlock was like a canon event for me, it was the first real fandom I joined and it introduced me to tumblr, fanfiction, and literally every concept associated with fandoms. Most pieces media Ive consumed, and definitely every fandom i’ve joined since then has been in some way because of tumblr, or other fandom spaces. Even good omens, which I am currently hyperfixating on to a frankly concerning extent, I was only introduced to via the domino effect of BBC Sherlock.

Why is this important? idk...backstory I guess? whatever, anyways, after awhile a fell more and more out of interest with Sherlock, and while I’d definitely still consider myself in the fandom, I’m just not really that into it anymore, especially since the rest of the fandom isn’t very active either. The year when my interest was the strongest was a very interesting time. I was really insecure and not very happy, but I had some amazing people in my life who I really miss. These two things, I think, are possibly the worst combination to have in terms of nostalgia, and I find that experiencing things that remind me of this period feels very strange. For example I physically cannot listen to some of the songs I added to my playlist around this time without getting really emotional, but I refuse to delete them because they really do feel like a part of me. From time to time I do remember the bad things and maybe feel a bit upset, and yet if I could go back, I know I would, just to remember what it was like to experience it all.

I don’t think I could ever fully explain it but BBC Sherlock genuinely felt like opening a very weird portal, and so when in the middle of math class, immediately after listening to the good omens track “the end?” and vividly imagining the end credit scene of season two, the Sherlock intro started playing, I felt such a strange mix of awe and nostalgia that I almost started crying. It sounds pretty stupid typing this up, but it was such a unique experience, and I don’t think I can really explain it. Good Omens is the only thing I’ve been even somewhat interested in to the extend of Sherlock, and after listening to possibly the most depressing song of the entire show, to have such a sharp reminder of who I used to be blast full volume into my head felt like diving headfirst into cold water. It really does sound stupid, but in that exact moment I remembered everything; the evening I heard that song for the first time, staying up for hours scrolling through pinterest and discovering the fandom, the first day I told my friends about it, the day i read my first fanfic, the day I was so convinced they were gay I accidentally discovered shipping (lol), the night I finished season 4, alone, at 2am, the day I joined tumblr, the week I learned how to play “the game is on” on piano, and the lunch period I wrote my first fic after daydreaming about it for weeks.

These things probably seem pretty mundane, but this was like a new world to me. They represent more than just discovering I new interest though. They’re some of the only memories I have of that time. I cut my hair, I realized I was queer, and for the first time in my entire life I had an actual friendgroup, one that I still care about so much. Life was, at the same time horrible, yet the best it had ever been, and I didn’t even know it. When I really think about It, I realize in actuality how little time has really passed, but everything feels so different. I think to myself that there’s no way that person was me, that the kid who had so much energy and enthusiasm for life, poetry and writing and had yet never felt so insecure couldn’t have possibly turned into the burnt out, powerless person I feel I am today.

At least I’m not so insecure anymore? I’m not so sure what to say. All I know, is I think that moment in math class made me realize how much I’ve grown, how much I appreciate those experience I got to have, and how much that song will always mean to me.

[undeadfvckgirl-base]

Welcome to my spiral into insanity!

My name is Rubik and I am introducing you to God personally but in a tea party way

I'm a Poly Frag system (The Wither System) with a lot of fictives! Anything past that is not your business if I don't give it to you first

I'm 19 turning 20 soon actually in December!

Our host is actually a J subsystem so no matter what you do there will be J on this blog and yes I do own the JcJenson Pen and it's my wife

I am currently hyperfixated on Murder Drones, Minecraft and just got into Welcome to Night Vale!

I'm Otherkin/Alterhuman collectively and individually!

Our collective kins are

Dragon Kin

Wither/Witherstorm Kin

and Cat Kin

My own kin list is short but it's primarily

Alternate kin

and Warden/Sculk kin

Some important things about me is I do not have a dni however I expect you to respect your OWN DNI and please do not follow me if you are uncomfortable by these facts about me otherwise I will just assume you don't care/don't mind as I am not a mind reader

I am Pro Endo. I have been Anti Endo and it ruined my life. If that upsets you that's not my problem

I am Pro Mspec identities and that does and will always include Bi Lesbians. Excluding these people is the same repackaged aphobia we had earlier on tumblrs life and you know it is

I really do not care what you ship. Please talk to me about your weird ships I enjoy exploring creative ideas about dynamics and relationships and moral debate on creative freedom is puritism

I. AM. A. DSMP. FAN. I do not care what you have to say about whatever content creator because I am not their fucking parent. "That guy is problematic" you've been saying that for years I just want to consume the cool art people draw about my funny minecraft men please get off my lawn

I will never shut up about how Cyn is not childcoded and you can't make me

I'm Pro Para btw (Anti-Contact however) and if that bothers you that's also not my problem. It's a disorder don't be a mental health ally if you won't be an ally for people who have "icky" disorders

I suck at intros I know I do but I think this is everything about me that's important so here are some user boxes (more to be added as I go on) and then more information/links under the cut!

Links! (More to be added later)

Spotify playlists I've made X)

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Lee is re-watching Sherlock for some fucking reason - Season One

I'm well aware that the crossover between "currently popular and loved British comedian in the US updates, thirst, and accoutrements" and "BBC show that went so off the rails that people now like to pretend Andrew Scott's breakout role was the Hot Priest in Fleabag" is limited, but weirdly, returning to Sherlock was one of the few things that was keeping my brain somewhat grounded and whirring during Work Hell.

We're in uncharted territory here. You're gonna learn a bit about the things I do when I'm not tracking John Oliver obsessively. I am nervous about this but hey, I'm guessing most of you knew I don't solely live and breathe John Oliver. (I know. I have multitudes. This is a shocking revelation. Please take time to process it.)

Firstly, a content note - there's going to be discussion about queerbaiting and queercoding villains, and the beginning of this goes into some of James Somerton's absolutely disgusting claims about the AIDS crisis. This post will only be focused on Season One, as that's all I've finished at this point.

Let's go.

(above image sourced from Writing Tips and Memes)

My sudden re-emergent hyperfixation started because of the hbomberguy takedown of James Somerton, weirdly. I don't follow many YouTubers - I like Bright Sun Films because he goes urban exploring, something I've always wanted to do but have never managed to make happen, and also Todd in the Shadows, whose Trainwreckords series is very well-done and expertly researched. Seeing that name, you might know where this is going. Todd dropped a video about James Somerton, who I had never fucking heard of and now wish I'd known about before, so I could scream bloody murder about what an absolute fuckwad he is.

(I don't want to get too in the weeds here, but the things James asserted about WWII, Nazis, and the AIDS crisis are so vehemently offensive that I'm still struggling with them. Claiming that only boring gays survived the AIDS crisis in particular is so vile that I have gotten anger flashes thinking about it almost daily since hearing it.)

Todd recommended watching all four hours of the hbomberguy plagiarism video, and I ran that in the background while working about two weeks ago. Eventually I had to stop doing that because the plagiarism revelations were so distracting and shocking. Todd's video was even more of a goddamn mindfuck, and even the smaller, less offensive things have taken up far too much space in my brain. Californians, does anyone at all deify Bob Iger??? Like... what the goddamn fuck??? Bob Iger????

After watching one hbomberguy video, the algorithm did its thing, and gave me a video called "Sherlock is Garbage and Here's Why". Posting it here for posterity:

Because my brain works in mysterious ways (-cough-ADHD-cough-), watching this... made me want to rewatch Sherlock.

I initially saw Sherlock for the first time thanks to someone I met in my last year of college, 2012. At the time, Michael (a nickname) was my neighbor in the dorms; over the past ten years, she's become one of my closest friends and a true rock in my life. One of the first things we bonded over that I introduced her to was the San Francisco Giants and the ghost I will always be chasing, Tim Lincecum; one of the first things we bonded over that she introduced me to was BBC Sherlock. The show was in the early months of its extended hiatus after Season Two, at the height of its fandom, and we were both completely obsessed. I read all the Doyle stories, took in a truly wild amount of fanfiction, wrote a not-very-popular AU fic, became part of a strange inter-dorm ARG based on Sherlock orchestrated by Michael... it consumed a huge part of our lives.

When Season 3 dropped, I almost stopped watching after "The Empty Hearse". I don't want to get into why it offended me so much before we get to a Season 3 post, but just know my enthusiasm severely dampened there. The rest of Season 3 I think of with blase emotions, especially the ending, which I found just dumb, save one part of it. I recall going to see The Abominable Bride in theatres with my mom (and maybe Michael?), and I think I liked it fine - aside, again, from the ending. But I had no interest in a Season Four, and when it dropped, Michael's long rambling phone calls describing the absolute shitstorm of a plot cemented that I was never going to watch it again.

Until now.

I definitely don't think the hbomberguy video is perfect. His insistence that Doyle canon never had Holmes pull answers to cases out of his ass is... something, lol, as is his opinion that changing the solution to certain puzzles in A Study in Pink disrespects the original canon. (Bro, these stories have been retold a bajillion times, they need to mix it up to keep it interesting.) But he put a finger on something that I'd wrestled with regarding Sherlock for a long time - that the show's writing often teased something big and new and conclusive in the horizon, but almost never delivered. That wasn't an issue in early days when there was less invested in an increasingly convoluted mythic story, or when they weren't fully blowing off the resolutions to cliffhangers, but the flaw in writing a story where you promise something huge on the horizon and never deliver should be obvious.

The first season doesn't trade much in that idea, and going back to it was something I found exceptionally enjoyable!

Before I watched:

I remembered bits and pieces of "A Study in Pink" and the whole plot in summary.

I truly didn't remember anything about "The Blind Banker" except that I found it fairly 'yellow peril'-y when I saw it in 2012.

I mixed up huge chunks of Season Two's "A Scandal in Belgravia" with "The Great Game" in my head and somehow forgot the main plot thrust was Moriarty kidnapping people and strapping bombs to them.

I genuinely forgot Sebastian Moran was a character basically hallucinated into existence by the fandom and didn't appear in the show at all until a brief appearance in Season Three.

In a way, it was like I was watching the show for the first time all over again. My partner also watched the first season with me, and it was interesting to get his thoughts on the show as we watched.

To start, his favorite character is Mycroft. Watching Season One, I had to agree that Mycroft has a depth of character that I'd forgotten about. Mark Gatiss plays him perfectly, aloof and smarter than you but unsure of how to deal with his natural feelings of concern and fear for his oft-spiraling, danger-seeking younger brother - and how those feelings magnify with the influence of extreme danger-seeker (at least in this season) John Watson. The show wants you to believe so badly that he's Moriarty in "A Study in Pink", which I don't think works even if you know he isn't Moriarty - there's a warmth to Gatiss' Mycroft that, even while he's doing incredibly ominous things like shutting off all cameras in a busy intersection, still comes through.

My favorite character is Moriarty. I haven't mentioned this very much here, because why would I, but my favorite character type in media is "theatrical abject shithead". It's why I cosplay Bakugo from My Hero Academia and loved everything about Akechi in Persona 5. Hell when I was a kid, I told teachers that when I grew up, I wanted to join Team Rocket. I love the theatrical shitheads. And boy, is Moriarty some sort of theatrical shithead. I don't DISAGREE with hbomberguy pointing out that, as written, Moriarty is a complete mess of a character, a queer-coded literal terrorist with no motivations besides "I did that because I'M CRAAAAZY!"... but he's my queer-coded literal terrorist, ok? I could write a whole paper on all the harmful stereotypes inhabiting this version of Moriarty... but I can't deny that the flamboyance and violence pulsing just beneath the surface of Andrew Scott's performance was the beating heart of that show for me. Sure, Sherlock and John, at least early on, were a compelling duo, but the show was at its best with Moriarty pulling strings for inexplicable reasons in the background. I love him.

(An aside: watching Sherlock made me remember how hilarious it was to see basically every major actor from the show in one of my favorite movies of all time, 1917, to the point that I actually kinda laughed in the theatre thinking about it.)

The entirety of the first season also is more devoted to actual crime-solving and detective work than I remembered the show being. I think that works strongly in its favor, and as I recall things from later seasons, drifting from that element definitely hampers the show greatly. In particular, while the lazy and uncomfortable Orientalism of "The Blind Banker" is still incredibly glaring, the actual mystery at the core of it is very excitingly tracked and easily followed while watching. The fact that John is treated like an equal (mostly) throughout only enhances my thoughts on that. "The Great Game" is a little more slapdash (and hurt by the fact that the entire Vermeer section would be solvable with a smartphone nowadays), but you can still make connections mentally with most of the cases and deduction/investigation is being shown logically. (hbomberguy cites the Golem as a problematic logical leap akin to some of Season Two's dumbest, and I can't agree. It's a reasonable suspension of disbelief to assume Sherlock knows about assassins and is followed by some more sensible investigation and inspection of the Golem's victim. The sequence of Sherlock fighting the Golem, however, is very, very silly.)

Related to that... the autopsy doctors on this show are fucking AWFUL at their jobs. Like straight-up negligently awful. How in the actual fuck did they not investigate the puncture marks on Connie Price's body? How did they not notice a highly distinctive heel tattoo on three recently-murdered corpses? Is Molly the only vaguely competent person in the mortuary? My partner and I were extremely amused that, while Lestrade and his police force are thankfully shown with much more intelligence than in other Holmes adaptations and BBC!Watson wouldn't think jam is a clue, the writers seem to have shunted the stupidity straight to the invisible autopsy doctors.

The first season also does a good job of making Sherlock seem like an overly intelligent if socially stunted human being, instead of the condescending prickish intellectual Ubermensch he ends up becoming as the show progresses. "A Study in Pink"'s ending being Sherlock throwing aside his deduction of the cabbie's killer when he realizes it's Watson, unconvincingly lying to Lestrade and insisting he's in shock before rejoining the other man and genuinely bonding with him, is remarkably compelling as fulfillment of a promise we get from Lestrade earlier in the episode - "Sherlock Holmes is a great man. One day he may even be a good one." My memory is admittedly faulty, but part of why "The Empty Hearse" turned me off so viscerally was Sherlock's (and to an extent, Mycroft's) insufferable growing smugness, particularly where explaining plans or mysteries to John. We get told often that Watson humanizes Sherlock and that the two have a strong bond throughout the series, but Sherlock gets much more dickish in general as the series progresses. One thing I do remember with stark clarity is that after being utterly chastised at a Christmas party in "A Scandal in Belgravia", Sherlock does visibly treat Molly MUCH better throughout the remainder of the show. So, uh, why did we lose that energy with the show's central pairing?

Speaking of the show's central pairing, the queerbaiting starts SO EARLY on this show. I want to make it clear that obviously the benefit of hindsight and knowledge of how the show ends really colors a lot about the Johnlock relationship now, and as a society, we're more aware of what queerbaiting is and what it looks like, which will obviously alter how I perceive these interactions now. I also want to make it clear that I never really shipped Johnlock outside of just kind of assuming that it would be canon because everyone seemed really convinced of it. (I was an absolute degenerate that shipped John with Moriarty. On top of enjoying theatrical disasters, I enjoy ships with an abundance of chaos and impossibility.) There's some biases at play here.

Even so, we are not far into the episode where John is protesting that obviously he needs a second bed in 221B to Mrs. Hudson, he's not gay! The scene in the restaurant has such an aggressively shippy energy to it (despite Watson's consistent denials) that I actively commented on it to my partner as it was happening, saying "the queerbaiting happens WAY SOONER than I thought!" It's distracting and has aged absolutely terribly. The worst by far is John quipping, after being removed from a bomb vest at a pool in "The Great Game", that people will talk because of Sherlock ripping his clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. Why is Watson's heterosexuality so fragile that he's thinking about gossip rags as he's actively recovering from a near-death experience?!

(Aside: I'm aware that last point is not as effective when you think about the fact that I shipped two characters whose sole canonical interaction was one man kidnapping and forcing the other into a bomb vest. In my defense, a) I love mess and b) John never quips about thinking people will talk because he got kidnapped.)

Moriarty's first appearance in "The Great Game" sees him as Molly's fake boyfriend slipping a phone number to Sherlock, which lead to my partner commenting about how distracting it also was, on top of the queerbaiting, that almost every single person on the show has some sort of deep metaphysical attraction to Sherlock. Those people aren't on the lighting and cinematography team for sure; Benedict Cumberbatch is lit ominously and sometimes demonically throughout the first season, highlighting his antihero and brusque nature effectively. But many, many characters in the show - just in season one, Molly, Moriarty, multiple characters of the day, the Cabbie, and John - are all drawn to Sherlock and his very special brain and his very sharp cheekbones. Signs of a big future problem come through in this way, where the show starts sidelining Watson as our central figure and puts Sherlock squarely at the center of everyone's universe and makes lesbians fall in love with him.

(My partner also laughed pretty hard at how obvious Moriarty's pratfalls were as Molly's boyfriend, noting that the show was pretty bad at hiding who Moriarty was every time it came up.)

Some of the seeds of Sherlock's destruction are sown in this first season, obviously. The big one I haven't touched on is the ending cliffhanger itself. Moriarty has John and Sherlock trapped in the pool, tens of sniper sights trained on them, and says that he can't let them escape. Amazing cliffhanger here! It is not fulfilled on at all, but because Andrew Scott can carry anything on his back (including Spectre, which I cannot start talking about because we'll be here all day), the scene doesn't feel like a total waste and makes you want to hang on to find out what happens later.

But there was so much here that was delightful. All the acting is uniformly excellent, and the overt physical tics that come to define Sherlock's mind palace and mental prowess being showcased are barely evident here. The actual detective work, like I said earlier, is really involving! I don't feel like I figured out the solutions for the mysteries I couldn't recall the answers for too easily and thought Sherlock's deductive reason largely followed and wasn't too obscure. I'm still such a sucker for the show's style - that opening credits sequence is so perfectly put together, the text messages that interact with the scene and at the time made this show feel so fresh and modern to me, filming the character's faces in taxis through panes of glass and obscuring material in "A Study in Pink" to give everything an obfuscating sheen... give me all of it.

The music, too, was something I'd forgotten about and truly ended up adoring. Taskmaster (and The Horne Section's score for it) really owes a debt to Michael Price and David Arnold. So much of Sherlock's score could probably be dropped straight into a Taskmaster episode and I would have to think pretty hard to notice a difference in the show's usual musical palette. I've been eyeballing the vinyl on eBay, to give you an idea of how much I love this score. "The Game is On" is a perfect piece of music, clockwork spinning noises emphasizing the jauntiness of Sherlock as he drags Watson on his latest case before sliding into the more subdued, vaguely ominous thrum of its second movement descending into the madness of the third part, violins shrieking as the action reaches its apex.

Normally, with such a degree of pleasant surprise, I'd be eager to move forward to Season Two. Unfortunately, I know the first episode of Season Two is... a doozy. To say the least. A doozy that may get its own essay because of how doozy-ish it is.

In any case, I ended up really enjoying going back to Season One of Sherlock! Super down to talk further about the show, future write-ups, and my horrible taste in fictional ships and men - shoot me a message, reply to this post, wherever, I'll be here! <3

[lanaevyssmoved]

NINE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW BETTER ❣️

tagged by @moonmothers @flymmcargo @kelemvorr @baldursgate2 !!!!!!! thank u so much.. u are all so sweet and thoughtful...

tagging @cetra @dandeyrain @princeofhags @mercymaker @lord-woolsley @hibernationsuit @alongtidesoflight @shadowcursedballs @tombtaker :D no pressure of course my friends! you may also consider this an invitation to talk to me more :3c

favorite color: wellow... ✨🍯🐝🌻💛⚡ i have loved yellow since i was very small my sister loved purple so everything she owned was purple and everything i owned was yellow.. and my room is still entirely yellow everything is YELLOW..... it just happens i gravitate

last song: uhhh spotify says i was last listening to last chapter in time, first chapter in eternity by VVN it absolutely fucks but bare in mind it might make you sad? tis music to make you feel and that shit always has different effects on people. OOP and spotify shuffle Just put on times change by umziky which is CUTE glitchpoppy stuff OH and spotify just put on higher by ia. which is vocaloid ur welcome.. this says how slow i am huh am i typing too much AND NOW ITS into the woods by phildel im making u a playlist

last movie: last movie i watched was godzilla king of the monsters with aisling teehee... every movie i've watched recently was with aisling... hehe.......

currently watching: WELL i was watching breaking bad but i burnt out around season 3 after i was binging it all day long and before that i binged all of desperate housewives all day long without any break so am i surprised i burnt out? no. also desperate housewives fucks

currently reading: uh i'm like always reading the six of crows by leigh bardugo i will open that book consume the Content and then close it whenever i feel like reading parts of it........ actually reading thru a full book currently no....not really but lets say crooked kingdom yeah

current obsession: mayhaps this question is pointless but i am deep in an autistic hyperfixation on bg3 which is showing no signs of dying down or stopping i will also say i am hyperfixating on gale himself and honestly my oc afhiri. and i think its safe to say illithids too i cannot stop myself from gobbling up information on them and i think about them just as much as the others ...........

sweet, savory, or spicy? i will sayy savoury!!!! i do like sweet but not as much . i am currently really obsessed with gravy..... not american gravy or whatever the bwi'ish kind.......... had to confirm that because i ain't got a fucking clue what american gravy is like . but i know its different!!!!!! due to my very english upbringing i never consumed spice ever in my life until i started to introduce it into my own diet a year ago and now i can eat things that say spicy just fine!! and they are very delicious. i really enjoy spicy noodles especially

currently working on: I HAVE TWO AFHIRI GALE FIC WIPS CURRENTLY ... :3c one of them is a cute domestic scene i'm writing through aislings influence and the other is a fat and large post game 3 years later fic that i cannot describe in any way than a psychological horror fic. :).....

[kindred-spirit-93]

right so, summer term is in less than a week and in the words of another tumblr post, this is for the wiggles; i need to get this out of my system before i implode. enjoy :)

greetings yall. this is essentially a list of my current ocs that live their own lives in their respective universes in the back of my mind. ill start out with a list and expand elsewhere later to avoid overwhelmingness

i will update this with links to individual oc fact files and posts in the future inshallah

･ﾟ*.･ﾟ✧ .･ﾟ*･ﾟ

✧ le fandoms and their respective established characters as of writing:

harry potter: anisa (tbc)

percy jackson: Hilal

the apothecary diaries: Maymuna

demon slayer: Siham

my hero academia: yamama (tbc)

✧ fandoms ive dabbled in that dont have established characters (yet):

spy x family

bungo stray dogs

hunter x hunter

the anne shirley serires

detective conan

inuyasha

the addams family

more that ive temporarily forgotten lol

✧ fandoms that dont get ocs for various reasons :

hamilton and other musicals

real life people (i find it weird)

childhood favourites like movies, shows, etc. (like tmnt, coraline, disney princesses, spacetoon classics like romeos blue skies...)

please kindly note that the way my hyperfixations work in terms of fandoms is that when i come across said fandom, i obsessively read every wiki page in existence and watch compilations and scour the interwebs for memes and sometimes fics, and proceed to avoid (for reasons unbeknownst to me) actually consuming the media itself (original books or its adapted versions). i believe its because i dont have the capacity to be emotionally attached to new characters and suffer, but whos to say :P

also note that these characters are in many ways inspired from my own experiences and i occasionally draw from people and places im familiar with, so in instances where things 'wouldnt work' for whatever reason, (firstly im aware, hence their existence) remember that these are works of fiction, and that with the right writing (mostly) anything works. and creative liberties mwahahaha >:)

this is one of the reasons this blog exists; for me to dump the contents of my mind to make way for other (hopefully more useful) stuff, so if u stumble on here feel free to partake (as per the guidelines stated in the pinned post), otherwise move on. this before anything else is for me and my amusement, i wont be catering to anyones interests.

this post and its contents is sponsored and made possible by maladaptive daydreaming and my other less than healthy coping mechanisms :)

me @ this post

[w0rms-w0rms-w0rms]

nine people i'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @cedarbranch and a couple of other mutuals (first come gets tagged lol) I love shit like this it's so dumb but I love it

Three ships: gerrymichael (TMA), newmann (PacRim), jupeter (TPP)

First ship: okay this question is hard asf because it depends on whether this is about the first ship I consumed content for or the first ship I enjoyed or the first ship I created content for, but I'll give all three (in that order): Aziracrow (good omens), wesper (SoC and CK), cecilos (WTNV) -- extra mention to JonMartin (TMA) for properly getting me deep into fan spaces back in 2020 because holy shit my life would be different without that ship

Last song I listened to: Identity by the X-Ray Spex (absolute banger, I can't believe this song wasn't written by a trans person lmao)

Currently reading: In theory I am reading both the complete works of HP Lovecraft and the Iliad translation by Emily Wilson, but in practise I am actually reading about 18 different Newmann fics simultaneously

Currently watching: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (up to S4)

Relationship status: Very much single and making a conscious effort to stay that way (unfortunately put of my slut era)

Current obsessions: Very much in my Pacific Rim hyperfixation moment but I am as always still insane about TMA and TMAGP (what the fuck is up with that one guys) but let's be real Newmann has hijacked my brain for the foreseeable future

Currently craving: The boba shop near my house closed down a few months ago so I am craving the specific mint and hibiscus iced tea with passion fruit popping boba I used to order there because that was my favourite and I'm so sad it's gone :(

Favourite colour: dark reds and greens will forever be my favourite but muted yellows/golds have been calling me recently for no discernable reason lol

People I'd like to get to know: (Pretty much a bunch of random mutuals and people from the Newmann server lol feel free to ignore as is convenient) @kowabungadoodles @barelysleepyy @synthapostate @dj-crack @theeliasarchives @thisfuckofagun @kes-geiszler @foxglovecove @skellabelle

[snowrassa]

Tag game: tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better

Thanks for tagging me, @badsalmonella wahhooooo 🫶

Last song: Was listening to the ace attorney soundtrack and Not Feeling It for whatever reason

Currently watching: Just started watching Ugly Betty for the first time, it's good mindless fun. Also watching Merlin with the arthurian theatre discord. And rewatching Silicon Valley and the Office, I need low-stakes background noise to function lol

Three ships: Arthur/Guenevere/Lancelot hheeheehe Anya/Dmitry from Anastasia the musical Hrmmmm none of my other ships make my head spin enough rn to be awarded third place

Favourite color: Had a pink awakening when I was 19 and have been basking in the pink glow ever since

Currently consuming: A mandarin, eating fruit means the January blues are ending

First Ship: The evil answer is Me/Luke Triton when I was nine AKJDBKJSDLJKSA Normal answer I think is Rapunzel/Eugene or Howl/Sophie. I didn't know what to do with how much a I loved these pairs other than screenshot every frame of their films on my samsung galaxy mini

Relationship status: Single 🧍‍♀️

Last movie: The Sword of Lancelot!

Currently working on: I'm an early career artist/curator in my offline life, so exhibition applications galore. For fun, I'm learning my arthurian lore, long may the hyperfixation last 💪💪💪

Tagging: @rainsofcamelot @chevaliermalfets @wandrenowlereacts @queer-ragnelle @dalekkiller333 @availableburr please feel free to ignore <3

[nart-is-a-monster]

YESS YIPPEEE I WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT IT 🤸🤸🤸

idk how much i can say without spoilers HAHA but it's such a fun little world!! even without the horror aspects the concept of the puppet show and the characters is so so charming, they're all so fleshed out and the va's do such a good job of bringing them to life that i would be this invested if it was a real show LOL julie and eddie are definitely my favourites

and the horror is really fun!! we're at a point where it's not 100% revealed what exactly is happening so it's super fun to theorise :]]] we're definitely on the precipice of Shit Going Down so i feel like now is a super fun time to join in!!

and don't worry about watching long essays snfjchdj i think with the night mind videos they're like half an hour long each? and there's only a handful (there might be some longer streams but he's made edited down videos covering the important stuff). with the new update tho that will be a good few hours if you're checking out every page and putting clues together (which i def recommend!!)

i would love to hear ur thoughts n stuff if you do check it out! :D

I JUST WOKE UP AJJDKSJFK

Ohh I love things that has a lot of theories, it reminds me of the time I was watching gravity falls and searching for the theories on YouTube jsnfmdk

I'm using my laptop later to check all that!!!!!

The good thing is as that is on a website my laptop can handle it bc the poor thing (the laptop) has the graphic thing damage or something and all the polygons go crazy jdskdlsj

Ohhhhh now I have things to do today to see!!!

Also I don't know if you have seen the Magnus archives but it would be a little recommendation (the thing is like a podcast Abt a archivist that little by little unfolds several mysteries around the institute where he works) the thing is a ehhh just a little bit long I love consuming long pieces of media (literally i have read "omniscient readers view point" not recommended if you want to have mental health) and the thing of the Magnus archives has 200 chapters I'm currently on 160 and ajdjsjfjdj IDK talking Abt hyperfixations is so fun

Btw feel free to use the ask box to do this kind of thing I love it!

[welcometololaland]

9 people i wanna know better

been putting this off for so long i've forgotten everyone who tagged me i'm so sorry i just know @herefortarlos did because i copied her answers lmao, i think maybe also @theghostofashton @kiwichaeng @reyesstrand and @carlos-tk (thank you desi, neha, evie, maddie and d!). so sorry if i missed anyone!!! i love you!!!

current book you’re reading: i just finished educated by tara westover and i think i'm going to start circe by madeline miller next because @celeritas2997 let me borrow it and i need to give it back :)

last song you listened to: ACTIVATE by COBRAH. obsessseddddddd.

currently watching: i am slowly making my way through a documentary on juul haha.

current fic you’re reading: i'm really behind on fic reading right now. basically my beloved meet you after dark by @strandnreyes and Love From the Other Side by @lightningboltreader which is giving me so much life i can't even explain. i'm also devouring your gentle hands are stained with the blood of anothers by @birdclowns even though i have fear, The Weight of Grief by @wandering-night19 which is just beautiful and Teach You How Forever Feels by @three-drink-amy. ALSO first aid by @heartstringsduet and the band au by @basilsunrise, both of which i'm very lucky to have a doc link for.

On the RWRB side i need to catch up on so much but i just read get fucked (or die trying) by @rmd-writes and i super want to read Take me where I cannot stand by @clottedcreamfudge. ALSO I am yet to read Pour Your (He)art Out by @athousandrooms and Rae's October prompt fill (@iboatedhere).

next on my watch list: i don't really watch TV so instead i'm going to say i'm SUPER looking forward to consuming so much fic - there are some bloody amazing concepts in the works and i've been so lucky to have some creators tease me by dropping little snippets in my inbox (looking @ u @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, absolutely feral for you). if anyone else wants to do that...be my guest ;) i will scream and cry but really i love you and your teasing. ALSO i'm trying to come up with a chunk of time to dive into Knave 3 by @liminalmemories21 because i know i'm going to be fully obsessed.

current obsession: aside from my hyperfixations which are always on dash i would say pole dancing, bread, my cat (mr potato), perfume and chatting to mutuals on tumblr and discord seriously everyone come and talk to me i love you all.

gonna tag some people i don't think i've spoken to! @inkweedandlizards @girlsnightout304 @walkinginland @bitbybitwrites @lyhrcyrianne @st-elle-ar (i have spoken to you but i love dragging you into things hehe) @happiness-of-the-pursuit @buckybarnesalways and open tag for the last one (say lola sent you ;)

[bcbdrums]

For the writer asks, numbers 12 and 24!

from this lovely list, heh. thanks for the ask, OP!

12. a trope you’re really into right now

ahhh oblivious pining? is that a trope? in my current hyperfixation, i'm very stuck on these two characters as kids/teens (pre-canon) with one hopelessly pining after the other and not even realizing that he's head over heels. no comprehension of his feelings at all as his life basically revolves around the other guy, who is totally clueless and also has no comprehension of his feelings. he'd probably need someone to hit him on the head with a book and explain it to him, lol, both his own feelings and the other guy's. sooooo yeah, if pining is a trope... that's the one! 😁

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

it's a variety of things for me; no set method. if it's fandom i'm into (99% of the time), then consuming the source material can help. looking at fan art/reading fanfic can help, and heh, especially discussing the thing with others can all spur the creative juices. also the currently-popular "write it badly/write it bored" is helping me keep going. just getting the idea down at all can sometimes kick-start the creativity, and then later on i have that starting point i can come back to regardless.

another big one for me has been learning to recognize when i am at my most creative and taking advantage of it. for whatever reason for me, it's mornings, and at the start of a week. monday mornings, of all times on earth... the least convenient time of all to write, is when i get all the ideas. also realizing that a good night's sleep and a cup of coffee the next morning are huge for me! so, making the most of it when i feel it, that helps keep the flow going into times i may not be feeling creative. aaaand also getting out of the comfort zone of "must write at the computer in preferred software." some recent stories would not have happened had i not allowed myself to dictate into my phone while driving. others have been painfully typed into my phone's notes.

and last but not least... allowing myself to not be constantly creating. it's okay to rest. okay to only write the thing in my head. okay to enjoy other creations without constantly making my own. and in that same vein... not conceding to any peer pressure of any kind, even the kind that is self-imposed (e.g. telling someone i'm gonna write something and then not finishing it), and being okay with not meeting my own goals... creativity can't be wholly formulaic and i am learning what goals help me (writing prompts; self-imposed deadlines) and also learning that it's not a defeat if i don't meet the goal. just allowing myself to be when i need to, that is helping me recharge too and get away from any sense of failure that might cripple me and keep me from continuing in the long run.

i appreciate this question because i've been seriously working on analyzing my creative process and trying to keep myself going. i got into too deep of a slump and never want to be there again, but also recognize that life simply doesn't always allow the creativity to come as i want it. seeking the balance, i guess, is what i've been up to, and being okay when it's a bit off-kilter. being able to think about all this helps.

thanks again for the ask!!

[cinnamatime]

I'm currently hyperfixated on 4 different things rn and I'm having the time of my life rn. From reblogging memes about whatever I'm hyperfixated on, to thinking about my Hyperfixations during times where I'm supposed to be working on something it is sm fun. Chaos consumed me a long ass time ago.

[gretchenzellerbarnes]

9 people you would like to get to know better

Tagged by @renlyslittlerose, apologies for the delay, this has been sitting in my drafts for ages now 😅

1. 3 ships:

Obikin - I. Am. Obsessed. With these two idiots. My current hyperfixation with Obikin started in the run up to the Kenobi series when I went back and rewatched the prequels and TCW (weirdly Obikin as a ship didn't register for my poor oblivious bisexual arse when the prequels came out). They're equals, more intimate than lovers, two halves of a whole warrior, they spend a lot of their time together bickering like an old married couple. Ahsoka refers to them as her parents in TCW season 7. Where there is one, the other is not far behind. I'm sure it was @/gffa who wrote a meta about how (whether you view their relationship as platonic or romantic) Obi-Wan Kenobi IS the love of Anakin Skywalker's life. To me they are the Star Wars ride or die. They ended tragically in life (in canon). They lived happily ever after as force ghosts. The love was there... 😭. I am Unwell about them.

Ineffable Husbands/Wives/Spouses - An Angel and a Demon. Hereditary Enemies. Unapologetically queer. The Autistic + ADHD ship. The angel is a fussy hedonist who will cut a bitch if they damage his books. The demon is genderfluid and serves cunt on a regular basis (especially at the crucifixion). 6000 glorious, frustrating years of pining. Bad. At. Their. Jobs. Just fuckin' kiss already (heheh, yeah that didn't work out so well 😅).

Thoschei - The Doctor and The Master. They were never married. They're divorced. They're childhood sweethearts. They've killed each other at least twice. They change genders like most people change socks. They should've fucked (you can tell I have a thing for enemies to lovers, right? 🤣). They've both destroyed their own civilisation at least once. Whenever The Master shows up you never know if they're gonna kill each other or fuck nasty (or both). For once brief shining moment (Twelve x Missy, World Enough And Time) they could've been more. Again, they have this tragic thread of "it shouldn't have ended like this, but it did". Unlikely to have a happy ending ever (unless through the pages of fanfic).

Special shout out to: Rebelcaptain (my other SW ride or die), Mulder x Scully (see below), Ventrobi (what? I'm a multishipper, and these two are constantly flirting every time they fight. They totally fucked after Revenge), Blackbonnet, and Catradora.

2. first ever ship:

Mulder and Scully - I shipped these two before I even knew what shipping culture and fandom was. I remember 10 y/o me watching the first episode of The X Files (and being shit scared to fall asleep for months because I was scared aliens were gonna abduct me lol 👽) and just being hooked on the series. And as the series progressed I became hooked on these two and their partnership. My OG ride or die ship, they are the reason that most of my other ships have that ride or die, banter and bicker like an old married couple, best friends, equals, you cannot find one without the other, no one understands me like this person understands me vibe.

3. last song:

Cat Pierce - You Belong To Me

4. last movie:

Barbie.

Finally watched it last night. Currently have I'm Just Ken stuck in my head 💖

5. currently reading:

Dune by Frank Herbert.

I am. Obsessed. After watching the 2021 film - it's probably my most watched comfort film atm.

6. currently watching:

Loki, GBBO, Strictly Come Dancing, Ahsoka (rewatch), SW Prequels. After question 2 I'm wondering if it's time for an X Files rewatch.

7. currently consuming:

Mint and lime iced green tea (tastes better than it sounds) and rice pudding.

8. currently craving: Chicken noodle soup from my local Chinese takeaway.

I tag: anyone who wants to have at it because I am crap at the tagging lol 😆💖

[saunne]

Writing - Reflection and Personal Analysis (Pt 1)

(mostly rambling, if you want to read what I plan to do for the rest of NaNo, wait for the Part 2)

So I've been putting this off for two days, but I guess the end of the first week of NaNo is a good date for this kind of personal reflection. During this week of writing, of attempting to write, of abandoning writing and of writer's anxiety, I had time to think about a couple of things, to have some fairly enlightening insights on others and to better understand the whole mess I'm in.

This post is mainly for me, to keep track of my thoughts, my process and my difficulties and it may be long, so good luck to those who take the time to read my whole rambling. Cause this is but a frustrated braindump lol

First Issue - Brain is an obsessive 5yo without parental supervision

The first problem I have would be that I love writing. I really like writing. I always have a lot of imagination and a lot of ideas and therefore, in fact, a lot of WIPs, mainly fanfiction. I am part of several fandoms and I mostly operate with a main fandom and two-three secondary fandoms.

I have a tendency towards quite severe obsessive hyperfixation. This isn't new, it's something I've known for years, but that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with. My current obsessive hyperfixation is SVSSS. My current obsessive hyperfixation is not my Original Project, Erasde.

This is a Problem.

This is a problem because I keep thinking about SVSSS. My daydreams, my dreams, my ideas, my thoughts are almost constantly towards this fandom. I've had a Self-Insert living rent-free in my head for a while now. It's all-consuming. It's inevitable. It's obsessive.

My brain wants to work on these ideas and WIPs, read fics and daydream scenarios all day. My brain doesn't give a shit that it's NaNo and I was planning to work on Erasde.

I'm currently REALLY frustrated. Because I have to work on NaNo (and my thesis, but that's another problem), but my brain is a 5 year old chanting "SVSSS, SVSSS, SVSSS" over and over. I can't work on what I need to work on and I can't work on what I want to work on because of what I need to work on.

I'm really feeling like : (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Second Issue - IRL mugged me in a back alley

This year is a relatively light year for me. Which is good, considering I'm recovering from a burnout that had been brewing for two years and exploded with full force in November of last year. I was an emotional wreck, a wreck at work and study, and I was probably an ass to everyone who knew me back then.

I'm technically finished with my studies and I don't have any more classes to take. I just have to write my dissertation and prepare my oral exam to be able to validate my diploma. I have a small job that means I only work on Sundays, but I sometimes take a few shifts during the week for a little extra money. I do a little volunteering at the LGBT center, something I've wanted to do for years.

I went back to regular therapy, got an ADHD diagnosis that should have been done years ago, and I'm starting to understand why certain periods of my life and some of my relationships were so fucking screwed.

I'm healing, even if it's slow.

But I still have a lot of moments of no energy, of no desire, of stalled motivation, of fed-up-with-everything, of wanting to disappear into the nearest forest, of wanting to not having to speak for 5 and a half years and such.

So let's say that my spoons refill is very... random. Which is complicated during a challenge like NaNo, which requires a lot more energy than I thought. If I do NaNo, I have to sacrifice the energy for something else except sometimes there's nothing to sacrifice which makes it... complicated.

And it's also not something I particularly want to complain about with my friends or my family, who work 35 hours or more/week, in very demanding jobs. That would just be a dick move.

Third Issue - Brain won't brain correctly

Well, that's not new either. My brain hasn't brained properly for years, university life and my mental health on the ground have only made it worse but we're getting by. I will soon be put on treatment for ADHD, with Menylphredate. The cardiologist gave her approval so I collect my prescription at the end of the month, at the next appointment. I have very, very high hopes for this treatment.

But the fact is, my brain doesn't brain. In addition to not being able to concentrate, everything is mixed up in my head.

The biggest problem is a language problems. I am a native French speaker, but I have become accustomed over the last 4 years to writing almost exclusively in English. The vast majority of my writing in French was assignments for university, courses and analysis papers. I can no longer write fiction in French. Everything I write feels off, uncomfortable, messy, meaningless and it's fucking FRUSTRATING.

The mixing of styles is also a problem. I don't have a defined "novel" style. I have a fanfiction writing style, which I have worked on and which has evolved with my practice over the last few years, but I have no basis in style for a novel. Which has been really annoying this week because everything I've written makes me want to send my laptop flying out the window.

The fact is also that in parallel with NaNo and my fics, I have to write my thesis. I'm shitty with academic methodology and almost literally have to rewire my entire functioning to write academic papers, so when I then have to write fiction, it goes haywire. It's tiring. I'm currently on a short schedule to send the first part for review to my teacher and it's taken up all my energy and my ability to function this past week.

And I won't be free of this shit until February at best, April at worst.

┻━┻ ︵ ＼( °□° )／ ︵ ┻━┻

Fourth Issue - There is a Whole World in my head

Originally, Erasde was just a worldbuilding project. Like, worldbuilding for the sake of doing worldbuilding, to put the cool facts I was learning in history class in one place and absorb my excess imagination to be able to concentrate on my classes.

It then became a sort of "refuge" for my favorite fandom OCs, reworked to adapt to this new universe, and then joined by old OCs from an original project and finally by OCs native to the project.

The fact is that I built this world for 3 years, it's still not finished but damn, I have a fuckton of information to pass on, so many things that serve as clues, from Chekhov's gun, forshadowing and... Yeah, it's a nameless mess. I'm not necessarily the most organized person in the world, but we've reached a new level of fuckery with Erasde.

Figuring out how to organize all this mess is what blocks me the most about writing NaNo. Because it's not a fanfic. The people who read don't know the setting like I know it, they have to discover it and there is a limit to what the "in situ" setting can do.

Fifth Issue - Planning didn't go as planned

Because I should have planned and I didn't. Well yes, I did it, but not correctly. Or not enough. Or both.

With fanfics, since I know the setting and the characters and I don't have a fuckton of information to pass along to make myself understood, this would have been less of a problem. I can get away with writing a multi-chapter fics mostly in freestyle, complete improvisation, or with the barest handful of notes.

I CAN'T DO THAT WITH A NOVEL.

Which will conclude this long rambling post and take us to part two, where I will actually explain my plan of action.