#life was hard when you were 17 emily

[oscill4t3]

Im so dangerously prone to codependency but codependency is dangerous. Being dependent = safety. You never have to ask for help.

[shiftthemoon]

50 WAYS YOUR LOVER SAYS, "je t'adore, mon amour"

✦ read this and let it be your reminder: love exists for you, too.

before you keep scrolling, let’s play a little game. close your eyes and place your phone down gently—it’ll still be here when you come back. take a deep breath and step into the life waiting for you. imagine them—your lover—holding your hand, leaving little kisses on your forehead, doing all the quiet, beautiful things that whisper “i love you” in ways words never could. picture it vividly, feel it in your chest.

you’re closer than you think. let these words carry you closer still. this is what love feels like when it’s made just for you.

✸ “whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

— emily brontë, wuthering heights

1. they trace constellations on your back with their fingertips until you fall asleep, whispering the names of stars like they were named just for you.

2. every morning, they memorize the exact shade of your eyes as sunlight touches them for the first time.

3. when they see a flower, they always pick the one that reminds them of you.

4. they hum songs they wrote in their head about you, forgetting the rest of the world even exists.

5. their hands hold yours like they’re anchoring themselves to the only thing that’s real.

6. they remember how you like your tea or coffee, down to the exact second it needs to steep.

7. they’ll start reading your favorite book, even if they can’t make sense of the metaphors, just to understand what makes your soul hum.

8. they run baths for you after hard days, scattering petals and lighting candles like it’s a ritual for a deity.

9. they defend your name in rooms you’ve never stepped foot in, making sure the world knows how sacred you are.

10. every time they kiss your forehead, they close their eyes, like they’re making a wish.

11. they memorize the cadence of your voice, the way it lilts when you’re excited or drifts when you’re tired.

12. they notice the tiny details no one else sees—the way your nose wrinkles when you think or how your foot taps to an invisible rhythm.

13. when you feel invisible, they find a way to make you shine.

14. they make plans for the future and always say “we” instead of “I.”

15. they look at you like they’ve just found a piece of eternity tucked away in the mundane.

16. they remember the things you’ve forgotten���like where you put your favorite sweater or what your dream was three weeks ago.

17. they’ve written your name in the margins of their notebooks, just to feel closer to you when you’re not around.

18. they tuck blankets around you when you fall asleep on the couch, careful not to wake you.

19. they call you by nicknames you didn’t even know you needed, sweet and soft like poetry only they can write.

20. they let you win arguments sometimes, just because giving you a kiss after is more satisfying than proving their point.

21. when they laugh, it sounds like music only you get to hear.

22. they’ve memorized the way you like your pillow fluffed and always fix it before you lay down.

23. when you’re sad, they remind you of all the reasons the universe is lucky to hold you.

24. they press their forehead against yours, quiet and gentle, like they’re saying “i’m here” without words.

25. they notice the little ways you show love—your touch, your words, your silences—and treasure each one.

26. they’ve started carrying your favorite snack in their bag, just in case you need it.

27. they touch the small of your back as if grounding you to this moment, this place, this love.

28. they dream of you when they’re awake, turning every thought into a love letter.

29. they’ve memorized the rhythm of your heartbeat and swear it’s their favorite song.

30. they walk on the outside of the sidewalk, shielding you from passing cars like you’re made of glass.

31. they press kisses to your wrist, your temple, your shoulder—anywhere their lips can reach.

32. when they see something beautiful, their first thought is to share it with you.

33. they hold space for your silence, knowing it’s just as important as your words.

34. they learn your love language, even if it feels foreign to them, and speak it fluently.

35. they let you wear their clothes, claiming you make them look better anyway. (you do!)

36. they find ways to bring your name into conversations, just to say it out loud.

37. they never forget the sound of your laugh, even when the world gets too loud.

38. they hold your face like it’s the answer to every question they’ve ever asked.

39. they light candles during thunderstorms because they know the flicker calms you.

40. they kiss your scars and call them the roadmap to your soul.

41. they tell you their secrets, the ones even they are scared of, because they trust you with their heart.

42. they leave notes in your bag, on your mirror, in your books—little pieces of love tucked away for you to find later.

43. they say your name like it’s their favorite word.

44. they teach themselves your favorite song on a musical instrument, even if they don’t know how to play.

45. they dance with you in the kitchen.

46. they stay up late just to talk to you about the things that matter to you.

47. they carve your initials into the soft bark of their heart, promising to carry you with them always.

48. they hold your hand in crowded spaces, making sure you feel safe in the chaos.

49. they memorize the way you breathe when you’re asleep, every inhale a symphony.

50. they love you not just in the grand gestures, but in the quiet, everyday moments—the ones where love doesn’t need to be spoken to be felt.

𖦹࣪˖ shift with the faith that someone, somewhere, is ‘waiting’ to love you this fiercely. you are worth every ounce of it. ׄ ִֶָ.

[hiramaris]

Kiss it Off Me

CHAPTER 5

Chapter Summary:

The farmer have the knack to be in the right place at the right time. And apparently, Haley just happens to be there— All the time.

Pairings: Haley x Fem!farmer

Disclaimer:  I do not own Stardew Valley or any of the related characters. Stardew Valley is created by and owned by ConcernedApe. This fanfiction is intended for entertainment only. I am not making any profit from this story. All rights of the original Stardew Valley story belong to ConcernedApe.

Warning: alcohol

Gif by  LoucoMarx's Artwork

If anyone told Haley she'd grown fond of you at the beginning of the year, she'd probably laugh at their faces. 

It's weird.

How you become a constant presence in her life right now that it would be weird not to see you even once a day.

It had been apparently a routine for you, and unfortunately (fortunate) for her, that you'd drop by the 2 Willow Lane every morning as long as it's beyond 8am to have breakfast with them.

Emily is more than willing to accommodate you, saying along the lines "Haley's a little calmer when you're around, Y/n/n."

Ridiculous.

Of course Haley had to be on her best behavior. You didn't need to see her and Emily squabble for the second time around. That would be embarrassing.

Well... that's what she likes to think. What she allows herself to think.

Because why else would you even stick around with someone as mean as her and give her all these gifts?

And why the hell is Haley even putting up with this?

She'd like to think it's because you want to get something from her. Let's say an ulterior motive.

But deep down she knows it's simply because you're just nice. 

At first, you looked like you're trying a little too hard to be liked by everyone else. Why else would you give almost everyone gifts instead of actually selling them and make profit? It just doesn't make sense. 

But the moment Haley experienced your kindness firsthand, she knew to herself that there's really no other ulterior motive behind all the easy smiles and gifts you were giving Haley.

So, even though she tried not to like it, she found herself actively looking for your presence.

Luckily for her, it just so happens the farmer also have the knack to be in the right place at the right time. 

Surprisingly this time, Haley doesn't seem to mind.

Spring 17

This damn thing.

Haley let out an exasperated sigh as she stared at the stubborn jar in front of her, glaring it with such hatred she hoped it might open itself from the pressure. Her hands were already starting to hurt from trying to twist the lid open.

Can't she have a break? She just wants to cook breakfast today since Emily's out and all, and Haley can finally show you some of her cooking skills at home.

Yeah, sure she can be absolutely lazy with household chores but cooking is actually something she loved to do.

"Come on, just open already!" she exclaimed through gritted teeth.

Haley tried to use all her strength to open the jar, letting out a loud grunt as she felt her palms tingle with pain. But no matter how hard she tried, the stupid lid just wouldn't budge.

She was so busy trying to open the damn thing that she didn't noticed your presence behind her with an amused grin plastered all over your face, clearly finding humor at her antics.

"You need some help?" you voiced out behind her.

"Ugh," a flash of surprise flickered on her eyes when she turned around and locked her eyes with you before her face morphed into a mock scowl. "How does it feel seeing me in pain?"

You chuckled at her exaggeration. "Aw, does the baby needs help?" 

"Hmp." She squinted her eyes at that. "I was about to cook breakfast for us but now I don't feel like doing it."

She crossed her arms in mock anger for good measure.

How dare she calls her baby? And for the wrong reasons, too! 

The nerve!

"Alright, alright, miss sassy pants. Come here," Haley's frustration quickly turned into surprise as she felt you tugged her by the loop of her belt, pulling her close to your body. The heat that radiates from your skin ignites a fire in Haley's belly.

You reached over and snatched the jar out of Haley's grip, flicking it open with a simple twist of your wrist. You then swiftly returned it to Haley's hand and gave her a look that could only be described as smug.

"Piece of cake," you bragged with a grin.

Haley cleared her throat, masking her embarrassment as she playfully shoved you away. "Hmp. You're stronger than you look."

You narrowed your eyes at her, and Haley caught a mischievous glint in your gaze.

"What do you mean, 'stronger than I look'?" you retorted, a hint of challenge dripping in your voice. "I've got a few tricks up my sleeve, you know?"

"Oh, really now?"

As if to prove your point, you rolled up your sleeves up to your shoulders, flexing your muscles just long enough for Haley to appreciate how farm works definitely did wonders to your physiques, not that you weren't already toned before, but you're definitely becoming a little buffer.

Those farmer clothes just hid them all this time.

Haley's mouth went dry. "Y-yeah, yeah, show off."

It's amazing how Haley still manage to act like this when a simple act of flexing had her gotten her hot and bothered.

She's never been one to swoon over muscles before (Alex's muscle only made her gag most of the time), but there's something about the way you look right now that has her feeling all kinds of things.

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts of any impure ideas.

She didn't want to give you the satisfaction of stroking your already growing ego. Haley' sure that you are well aware of your effect on her, and if she let it show, you would only be so smug about it.

Sometimes, Haley regrets letting you be friends with Alex. Clearly, he's rubbing off you already.

"I wonder how many other ladies have been lucky enough to see that impressive display."

"How many are you?" you readily quipped.

Haley suddenly choked on her own spit as heat rose to her cheeks at your sudden boldness. (What the hell? What the what?)

"I'm gonna hit you," Haley threatened half-heartedly as she tried to regain her composure (and dignity.)

She has to make this stop or else everything will be too much for her. Which was a frequent occurrence nowadays when you're near her.

"Okay, okay!" you barked out a laugh, seemingly oblivious to your effect on Haley, much to her relief. "I'll help you cook, alright?"

"Fine. But you're going to boil the pasta. You suck at making the sauce."

"Yeah, yeah, M'lady. Let's do it your way."

Yeah, you definitely had the knack to be in the right place at the right time. 

And probably say the right things at the least opportune time. 

Does Haley mind? 

Definitely not.

Spring 20

The Flower Festival is in four days, and Haley will be damned if she'd be anything but flawless.

Currently lounging on her couch, Haley was draped in a flimsy white towel, the only piece of cloth covering her body besides the face mask she had just applied, and a soft towel wrapped around her hair to soak up some excess water.

She had already finished exfoliating her body, scrubbing away all the stresses and strains of the past few days. Of course, she can't forget moisturizing, too. Despite her naturally flawless skin, it took loads of branded lotions, scrubs and moisturizers (so worth the money) to keep it this perfect.

In short, it's her pampering day.

Haley was a true believer in the power of self-care, and she spared no expense in ensuring that every inch of her body was pampered to perfection.

And she can't afford to be stressed today.

Surprisingly, the day went by without a hitch.

Emily's usual nagging was nothing more than a minor annoyance that she brushed off without a second thought. And Alex, bless his heart, had the good sense to steer clear the moment he laid eyes on her with her bag of beauty essentials in tow.

He's also been kind enough to pass the message to you. Saying he'll just ask you to play ball with him or whatever to keep you busy earlier that morning.

Nothing, she repeats, nothing could ruin this nigh—

Her phone ringing was absolutely the least she expected to hear.

She was tempted to not answer, assuming it will be Emily on the other line. She doesn't call often during her shift, but if she does, she would occasionally ask Haley to bring either her apron or her shoes.

So, Haley's a little bit apprehensive about answering.

There's no way she's gonna be waltzing around outside just to give Emily her damn apron when she just finished her self-care!

Curiosity got the best of her though. With a deep breath, she swiped the answer button, hesitantly bringing the device to her ear.

"What?" she snapped, a little irritated at the interruption.

"Thank Yoba you answered. I was beginning to think you wouldn't." Emily babbled on the other line.

"Just spit it out, Em."

"Um," Haley can hear her hesitation. "Y/n/n's a little out of it and I kind of need help to get her home."

Haley sat a little bit straight at the mention of your name. "What do you mean she's out of it?"

"She's drunk."

For the love of Yoba—

What the hell are you thinking getting your ass drunk like that?

"Hay, are you still there?"

Haley has to literally calm herself down before speaking again. "I'm sorry but I can't. I just finished applying my face mask!"

"I see, I just thought since you're close with her and all..." Emily sounded a bit disappointed but didn't pushed it further. "I may just have to ask Penny to get her hom—"

"Be there in 5," was all Haley said before going to her room to get dressed.

She's going to kill you.

****

In no time at all, Haley arrived at the Saloon in her pajamas, hair damped and bare faced and everything. 

She saw Emily waiting outside, a visibly worried expression etched on her face. "Where is she?" Haley asked, her tone urgent.

Emily motioned towards the Saloon's door. "She's inside."

Normally, Haley wouldn't be caught alive inside her sister's workplace but that's the least of her concerns right now. "What the hell happened?"

"Since it was Shane's birthday and all. Y/n/n kind of bet with him who could drink the most beer without getting drunk. Safe to say no one won, huh?" Emily had the audacity to sound so sheepish. 

Haley nodded absentmindedly and took a deep breath before pushing open the door.

Sure enough, you were there, slumped over the bar with a couple of empty bottle of beer beside her. Shane's there too, but he's unconscious on the floor with Marnie trying her absolute best to wake her nephew up. 

Haley wanted to be mad at you. You literally made Haley walked across town with nothing but her pajamas! She also never go out without makeup and especially when she has just finished her skin care!

But what the hell.

Her heart could only flutter at the sight. How can someone be an idiot and cute at the same time?

She strode over to you and placed a hand on your back, careful not to startle you. "Y/n, come on. Let's get you home," she chided softly.

You groaned softly, lifting your head slightly at the sound of her voice, your eyes bloodshot and unfocused. "Hay..? Is that you..?"

"Yeah, it's me," Haley answered, helping you to your feet. She took your arm and wrapped them around her shoulder, while her other arm secured its place on your waist to keep youfrom falling. "Come on, let's go."

Having the inability to stand by yourself, Haley found you leaning almost half of your weight on her.

Yoba, you're quite heavy. 

"You smell geurd..." you slurred more.

Haley tried to fight herself from flushing at the comment. It did not help that your face is practically buried at the side of her neck.

"I know," Haley tried to retort. "And you smell like beer." She wrinkled her nose in mock disgust.

On the contrary, you actually smelled like freshly picked lemons and mint apart from the subtle scent of beer. It seemed that you prepared for this occasion and showered accordingly.

Haley briefly nods in approval. You didn't smell as bad as she expected, you weren't even sweaty, too compared to Shane here.

Haley stole a quick glance at him, noting his unruly stubble, tattered hoodie, and unkempt hair.

It was evident he hadn't exactly prioritized cleanliness lately. Haley couldn't help but be grateful that you were the complete opposite. But she decided not to dwell on it. After all, it was Shane's birthday, and he was entitled to be himself, even if it meant being his usual slightly musty, emo self.

"Even in my prime years I wasn't able to drink that much beer!" Pam cackled at the background, catching Haley's attention. She's clearly only tipsy despite the massive number of empty bottles in front of her. "Kids these days, really." She shook her head before turning to Emily. "Kid, can you give me some more mead?"

"Sure, Pam." Emily looks at Haley apologetically. "Sis, can you—"

"I got it. It's okay."

Leah, who had been eyeing them from the table decided to make her way towards them. "Do you need help?" before adding jokingly, "I didn't know Y/n/n was a drinker."

"Well, at least she's a lot calmer than Pam." Gus chimes in. "And a whole lot lesser violent than Shane here." He added as he eyed Shane on the floor with a couple of empty bottles beside him. Marnie is still trying to wake him up.

Haley raised an immaculate brow.

If Leah wanted to help maybe it would have been useful a couple of hours ago if she stopped this dungus from doing a stupid bet. Haley didn't dare say that though, and bit her tongue to stop saying something foul, instead, she opted with a strained, "thanks, but I got this." 

"You sur—"

The door of the Saloon swung open once again, and another redhead came straight to them. "What happened?" Penny asked in urgent. She's clad in her pajamas as well and her usually immaculate hair was down, which tells she's also ready for bed. "Mom called that Y/n/n was dru—"

"Kiddo, you're here!" Pam cheered loudly, Gus can only grimace at her antics. "I was just saying here that Y/n definitely won the bet!"

"Mom..." Penny sighed. "You should have stopped her. Y/n has work tomorrow."

"Hmp. It wouldn't hurt to have fun. Let the kid get loose a little. She's already been working hard."

Knowing it's no use to argue with her drunk mom. Penny turned to Haley, giving her a polite smile. "Do you need help taking her home?"

"Yeah!" Leah agreed beside her. "My cabin's near her farm, it would be no problem at all."

Haley tries to mask the sudden annoyance she feels at the women in front of her, and as well as the struggle she's feeling under the weight of the farmer. But she stood her ground stubbornly. She fakes a smile. "I got this."

"Are you s—"

"I got this." She repeated, this time firmly.

****

She definitely did not got this. 

You were thoughtful enough to stay still while Haley guided you out of the Saloon. But once they took a turn near 2 Willow Lane, the farmer started wriggling against her grasp.

"W-where... we going..?" you asked, slurring. 

"I'm taking you home," Haley replied in between grunts. 

What the hell is she even thinking?

She should have accepted Penny's help— hell, even Leah's help would be also appreciated but Haley just didn't like the idea of having those two around you.

Yeah, she knew you're friends with these two girls but Emily called her first, right? Never mind that she declined it first but Haley didn't want to be a bad friend letting you slumped all night long over that greasy bar. 

"Yoba, just how many beers did you drink? Surely, you're not that much of a lightweight."

You narrowed your eyes at her, holding up three fingers, "I had 9. Shane I think..." you held out a finger to her chin, "had 7."

Haley couldn't help but snort in amusement. "I'm pretty sure I'm not that dumb to count 3 on your fingers."

"It's 3 times 3." 

"Yeah, sure."

"Yeah! And I'm completely sober," you declared, as if your words alone were enough proof. But your actions told a different story, as you stumbled once again, prompting Haley to exclaim, "stay still, you dungus!"  before you manage to free yourself away from Haley's arms. "See?" 

"Clearly." Haley answered, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she approached you. You were swaying dangerously and on the verge of collapsing over Marnie's fence.

"Oops—" You flashed a stupid grin as Haley caught you just in time, preventing you from face-planting into one of the feces of Marnie's cows. "Thanks, babe."

Haley almost dropped you at the unexpected endearment.

Her cheeks flushed deeply, and she internally debated whether to abandon you here or let her own remaining shreds of dignity vanish into the night.

She coughed awkwardly, trying to regain her composure. "Wow, you sure are flirty tonight. You sure you're sober?" 

"I don't know," You answered truthfully, sounding strangely sober. You came to a halt, causing Haley to stop as well. "The only time I allow myself to be this close to you without my heart pounding in my chest is in the reality I've created in my dreams. So, tell me, Haley..."

Under the moonlight, your eyes held an intensity and softness that seemed almost impossible.

"Am I sober, or is this just a dream?"

****

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Notes:

I absolutely adore all those who left some comments from the past chapters. Thank you so much!

Alsooooo, I know it's a bit overdue buuuut

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K LIKES AND 100 FOLLOWERS! I didn't really expect this account to blow up like this but I really, really appreciate you guys and your patience for me.

I am so sorry for the delays as well. I just have a lot of things happening at the same time, you know, with uni and everything.

And I feel like I owe you guys a chapter. So here ya go!

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

The Cauliflower (The Surprise, Part 17)

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: pregancy times, implied sex, not quite smut but bordering on it for a hot second, literally so fluffy I almost can't stand it, explicit language (let me know if I've missed anything!) Word count: 1.6k

Summary: You're enjoying the start of your third trimester at the beach with Emily on your babymoon. Basically, you're both smitten as hell and it's really, really cute.

Week 27: The Cauliflower

Emily didn’t think she’d ever felt so relaxed in her life. It was cool for June in coastal North Carolina, or so you’d told her, a nice breeze blowing in from the ocean. You were halfway through your vacation in Nags Head, and Emily hadn’t had a single call from work, not one. She had not checked any emails. She hadn’t even watched the news.

This morning, she’d woken up slowly, savoring the sound of the waves, the dappled light as it came through the sheer curtains, your body curled next to hers. For a while, she just watched you, the small movements of your eyelids, the rise and fall of your chest, the way your hair fell over your face. And when she was ready, when she couldn’t quite stand it any more–how beautiful you were, how perfect–she’d woken you with soft kisses all over your face, your neck, your chest, until you were sleepily guiding her down your body.

She smiled, kissing your thighs. “Good morning, my love."

“This isn’t a bad way to wake up,” you said, stretching.

She smirked at you, ghosting her fingers over your already-soaked center. “Want it to get better?”

“God, yes,” you gasped, arching your back.

Now, as you both lounged on beach chairs, shaded by an umbrella, watching the families from adjacent houses play in the sand and the water, Emily felt a contentment she’d never quite felt before. You were laid out next to her, baby bump on full display, snoozing quietly, sunglasses slipping down your nose. She smiled softly at you, gently pushing them up.

Sometimes it was hard to believe she’d gotten so lucky. 11:00am. It was only 11:00am and she’d already gotten to wake up next to the love of her life in a beautiful place, already had stellar sex that, let’s be honest, was available to her virtually all the time, already gotten to hold your hand in the waves, and press her hands to your belly to feel the baby move. Her baby. Her child, that so, so soon she’d get to hold and kiss and love. It was like she was living in a dream, the best dream, and never had to wake up from it.

Emily shifted in her beach chair so she could watch you sleep again, knowing it was ridiculous that she loved it so much. She could watch you sleep all day. But she noticed the sun slicing its way across your body and frowned. She couldn’t have you getting burned out here, not when you were sleeping so peacefully.

She stood and stretched, bracing herself against the umbrella to shift it, so that your body was entirely in the shade. She bent down to brush your hair out of your face, leaving a salty kiss on your forehead. You stirred and blinked up at her.

“Sorry, honey,” Emily grimaced, taking her seat again. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“That’s okay.” You stretched and yawned. “I can’t be sleeping the day away.”

You rubbed your belly, smiling as you felt the baby kick and flutter against you. You grabbed Emily’s hand and placed it on the bump, so she could feel the movement. Any chance you got to share your pregnancy with Emily, you took.

“I think she likes the beach,” you observed.

“Just like his mama.” You turned to look at Emily and, for neither the first time nor the last, the love, the absolute devotion in her eyes took your breath away. She was smitten with you. With you. It never got less surprising, less exciting.

“What?” you said, reddening under the intensity of her gaze.

“You’re so pretty.” She was breathless as she leaned forward to kiss you, her sandy fingers running through your hair.

“I’m pretty?!” You giggled between kisses. “You look like a fucking swimsuit model.”

Her hands were all over you, and you felt heat spread over your body–and not in the good way.

“Em,” you groaned, pushing her away gently. “It’s too hot for this. Maybe we should… go for a swim?”

Emily wrinkled her nose, and you laughed. It was a little known fact that Emily was terrified of sharks. If you weren’t there, if you didn’t love the water so much, she wouldn’t have gone more than ankle-deep. She’d even ordered you “shark-repellent” anklets and bracelets that she insisted you both wear in the water. You had your doubts about their efficacy, but if they made Emily feel safer, you were all for it.

You flitted your hands in the air. “Come on, baby, help me up. I’ll fight off any sharks that come near you.”

“Ha ha,” she replied, voice dripping with sarcasm, as she stood and took your hands, pulling you to your feet. “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an arm.”

“Emily,” you teased, swinging her hand in yours as you both made your way toward the surf. “I swam in this water every day, every summer of my young life, and I’ve never even seen a shark. We’ll be fine.”

You were practiced in the waves, knowing just when to turn your back, just when to surge forward, leading Emily, laughing and grinning so wide your cheeks hurt. This was your happy place, in every sense of the word. When you finally got out past where the waves broke, you took Emily’s worried face between your hands and kissed her.

“That’s for being my brave girl,” you said, relishing how light your body was in the ocean, wrapping your arms around Emily. Most of the time, she was the one in control. She was stronger, surer than you. But not here, not in the water. You kind of loved it.

You kissed her again, feeling her body loosen and relax into yours.

“That’s for being so pretty.”

And again.

“That’s just because I love you so much.”

By now, Emily was giggling and blushing. You couldn’t think of anything else to say, but you were by no means done kissing her.

You pressed your forehead to hers and just breathed her in. She pulled you close to her, kissing the side of your head, letting you wrap your legs around her torso.

A scream pierced the air, and you both whipped around to find its source, relaxing once you saw that it was simply a child, shrieking and splashing in the waves. His father stood nearby, dangling a baby’s toes in the water, lifting her up to his shoulders when the waves crested.

You watched them for a few minutes, enamored by this glimpse into your future.

“I just can’t wait to meet him,” Emily whispered, circling your baby bump from behind and planting a kiss on your collarbone. “What do you think he’ll be like?”

You pressed your hands over hers, leaning into her touch. “I think she’ll like the water.”

“Almost definitely,” Emily agreed.

“I think…” you mused, “you’ll be her hero. I think she’ll love hummus like you. I think… she’ll be strong and brave and smart like you, too. I hope she’s the kind of person who protects people and makes them feel safe, like you do.”

Emily kissed your neck, hugging you tightly.

“I think,” she started, turning you around to face her. “He’ll be a little bit silly, like you. I hope to god he has your cute nose, it’s just too adorable not to pass on. I think he’ll love to read like you, too, and we’ll get to snuggle in bed and read him stories. I think… he’ll have a wild imagination. Maybe he’ll be a writer, like you.”

Emily seemed to grow sad for a moment, pensive. You tilted her chin up to look in her eyes. "What is it?"

“I know our baby’s going to be perfect,” she sighed. “But… sometimes I wish he could have been made of both of us.”

You ran your thumb across her cheek. “Me too.” You both sat in it for a moment, this desire for something that wasn’t possible, something to grieve–not for long, not forever. But it deserved a moment. It deserved space.

“But, honey,” you finally ventured, the waves lapping gently around you. “The DNA, that’s just a part of it. Not even the most important part. Think about the people who made you who you are. It’s not your parents, right?”

Emily shook her head.

“It’s the people who love you and pour into you and spend time with you. And you will be that for her. You are just as much her mom as me, Em. She will be just as much you as she is me.”

Emily kissed you again, then pulled you into her once more, spinning you lightly with the flow of the ocean. “You know,” she said. “I think we’re gonna make one kick-ass kid.”

“I think so, too,” you said, resting your head against her shoulder.

“I also think we should get out of the water.”

“What!?” Your head shot up. “Why!?”

“My fingers are all pruney,” she pouted, waggling them at you.

“Ugh, fine.” You started the long process of dragging your heavy body back to the beach and out of the water, Emily’s hand always at the small of your back to hold you steady. “You have to fix me a snack when we get back to the chairs, though.”

“Anything you want, love.” And by the way she looked at you, all love and devotion and sappy feelings, you knew she meant it.

[gynandromorph]

okay for the record i did vote "her parents" because i think parents are like hugely formative and influential relationships you have and remain that way forever especially when they are good parents you feel love and gratitude toward. she literally has been living with them to help w/the household because both of her parents have physically painful disabilities now and her sister has a debilitating mental illness. emily obviously wants to have her own life and start her own family but the family she already has would suffer without her, so she stays. i think she cares about her parents a lot.

that said, if i wanted to play devil's advocate, i could argue for the other two options as well. her parents are obviously getting old, and sometimes you have to just like, start preparing mentally for the fact that they may start losing their minds, your parents start to forget things or get snippier and you're like is this it? is this where the dementia begins? it can be hard not to detach.

as an eldest child you feel an obligation to protect your younger siblings -- in emily's case, it's just the one little sister she has, but it's a very real sense of guilt when they turn out "bad" per se. when they get hurt and it feels like it's your fault. jessie obviously has an inferiority complex compared to her older sister and it becomes Much more obvious once she becomes god and i think those things aren't lost on emily. i can imagine out of any of the 3 options, jessie could evoke the most GUILT, quantitatively and qualitatively. every stupid opinion emily had as a teenager, every fight and hurtful thing she said to her sibling, every time she detached to prioritize her own peer group instead-- it's just decades of things to feel like she could have possibly done something different, and her sister might have not turned out to be the way she is. so i could see this option as viable.

trouble's relationship to emily was the least obvious -- over the course of the story, trouble loses respect for emily as emily tries to treat her more like a person than a dog, because being able to talk puts trouble's sapience on full display. trouble can now say "i don't feel like it" about anything and emily backs down because you can't like, FORCE people to do things just because they're smaller than you. emily has to wonder what the 17 years of trouble's life were like from her perspective, not being able to say anything, not being treated like a person, being told when and what and how much to eat, what to do and how to feel about it, and it's easy for emily to wonder if she did something wrong -- REALLY wrong. trouble is arguably the closest thing she's had to feeling like a parent and i think it would leave some deep impressions on her psychologically to wonder about those things, many memories she has of trouble and what they mean about her as a person or as a hypothetical mother. also, trouble's death wasn't UNDONE; she died, and then became alive again. she remembers dying. she remembers emily taking her to the vet to die! she tells emily (in a sketch comic i never finished) that from her perspective, emily killed her, and she would have chosen to suffer until her body died than to be killed by her caretaker. trouble doesn't really seem to harbor ill will about it, because the one in charge gets to do what they want and make everyone else do what they want. but for emily, that's like an incredibly painful thing to hear from her dog. the side comic is intentionally supposed to hit a very painful hypothetical where your pet thinks you've murdered them after you have them put down in, from your perspective, their best interest. it's a ton of different negative emotions emily can feel all at once! also, trouble calls adam "dad" and evelyn "mom" which is presumably more just assuming those are their names, but i can imagine that also kind of stings. in fact, trouble eventually starts to satellite "mom" instead of emily because evelyn still treats her like a dog and is an authority figure who asserts that in the household.

anyway, sorry for the huge walls of text, this is just a thought experiment more than anything. all in all i think emily is dealt a brutal hand of cards. but she does suffer one of the least tragic fates of anyone in the comic as far as the comic goes.

[igotanidea]

Essay : professor!todd x student!reader part 1

A/N: this is a completely new verse, I just couldn;t stop myself, so if you ever get ideas for that one I'll take them in a heartbeat.

A/N 2 : I was wondering whether to finish it here of give you more spice, but decided to just whet your appetite for part 2 ;)

***

Do you know how they used to call her in high school?

The unsullied.

Like in a freaking “game of thrones”

All because while her friends were partying, getting drunk and scoring, she was far more focused on her education and school work. And damn, that girl was sharp. Her writing and literature skills and instincts were something people would admire if they weren’t shallow and judgmental.

Instead she got the teasing nickname and all her peers treated her like she didn’t exist.

And of course it hurt, not having girlfriends or anyone who would even try to understand why she would rather spend her time in the library in the company of Shakespeare or Emily Bronte or Charles Dickens instead of drinking and having accidental sex. It was painful to admit that she never had a boyfriend or that she lacked experience in so many social areas. But she just clenched her teeth and pushed through, telling herself that she didn’t have to have all the answers at the age of 17.

She worked hard for a couple years and that got her a scholarship and entry to the college of her own choice. And while her parents and family were pushing her to choose something big, like New York or other big city, much to their surprise and displeasure, she decided to stay in the state and attend Gotham University.

“Why?” her mother almost got a heart attack upon hearing the revelations, choking on the fancy cake served at the tea.  (one more word about the girl – she came from the really fancy, new-money family, where she never fit, being way to feisty and fiery. She could never be described as a lady despite her mother’s best efforts).

“Just because” she shrugged

“watch your tone, girl.” Her father warned “never speak to your mother like this.”

“sorry, sir.” She smiled apologetically, but it was meant more like a sarcasm then a real word of remorse “ Gotham has one of the best university literature program. And since it’s something I want to pursue….”

“I think we should let her make her own choices, father. Y/N knows what she’s doing.”

Thank god, for her older brother, Tom, who always had her back. He was the only person she was going to miss when leaving. But he was right. She knew what she was doing. And Gotham did have the best literature course. And that was because of one of the professors, Jason Todd.

At the young age of 26, being only a couple years older than her, he managed to finish his studies summa cum laude and having a few awards on his account decided to dedicate his life into teaching and shaping young minds. Y/N couldn’t wait to attend one of his classes.

Yeah, college was going to be life changing for her.

Only she didn’t know how much when she first stepped into the hall of residence.

***

Soon enough she found out that first years were not supposed to attend Todd’s classes. Apparently something about heavy and mature content on different levels.  To put it simply, no one below 21 were allowed to engage in those discussions.

But Y/N was sly and determined enough to sneak into the evening lectures, making notes to herself and being an original thinker she got so much ideas and inspirations just by sitting in the corner of the classroom and listening. It went like that for half a year and she believed herself to be clever enough to not get notices, but apparently professor Todd was even better in the art of deception. And it all started when she lost her notebook while leaving and figured it out on the way to her room.

“Shit!” she hissed turning around immediately and looking for the lost item on the way. If it were to get into unfit hands, in the worst case – dean’s – and her secret would be uncovered , she would be expelled immediately due to not abiding the rules “Fuck!” she whispered-yelled again, having reached the classroom and still not finding it.

“don’t creep there, miss Y/l/N, come on in.” Professor Todd’s voice echoed through the empty hall and she shivered. How the hell did he know she was there? And more importantly, how the fuck did he know who she was?!

“I’m sorry to interrupt professor.” She started “I’m just …. I mean, I…..”

“Lost something?” he asked, his green eyes meeting hers and it was like a spark of electricity through her. God, was he handsome. Only now, she understood  the rumours on the campus, something about girls attending his course just for him, not really for the books and stories. Shit! She didn’t really have much opportunities to watch Todd while sneaking out and watching her every step.

“Yeah, I …. I mean, I…..” she stuttered “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t even be here, and what I’m writing there is just stupid and …..”

“The only thing stupid here is that no one under 21 can join my class.” Todd laughed sonorously “come here, miss Y/N, please, sit, I won’t give your secret away.”

“You won’t?” hypnotised by his voice and eyes she took a few steps forward and perched on the first desk, out of instincts waving her legs in the air in a child-like manner.

“No. Sure not. I read some of your notes, forgive me that” he apologised quickly seeing the terror on her face “and those are good. Like really good. I don’t think I have such an original thinker here in like …. ever, to be honest” he smiled brightly “how old are you again?”

“almost 20 now.” She sighed in frustration. Here she was, sitting in front of her idol, unable to get full advantage of his knowledge.

“such a shame. Would love to know your brain more.”

“Can I just have it back and be on my way? I won’t bother you anymore, I promise I don’t want any trouble." she reached for her notebook, but did it so clumsily that it made her lost her balance in the process and she started falling to the ground, when her weight overbalanced the desk. She would probably end up on the floor, if it wasn’t for Todd’s reflexes. His strong arms found a way around her waist holding her tight, her hands locking on his arms and all of a sudden feeling safe and not so eager to leave.

“You good there?” he asked as their gazes met.

“Yeah…. I…..” once again the spark flew between them. Maybe it was just her imagination but she saw something predatory and …. lustful(?) in his eyes. “I… I really should be going now, professor. It’s late and after curfew and ….. sorry.” She grabbed the book from his hands, fixed her shirt and bag and rushed out the door.

“Miss Y/L/N?” he called after her and the girl spun around to face him.

“You can keep coming to my classes. Like I said, it’s a stupid rule and your secret’s safe with me.’

“Um, yeah, sure, professor, thank you.” She mumbled and practically took off running to her room, having absolutely no idea what was happening to her .

***

She didn’t get much sleep that night, instead taking care of the urge and itching between her legs, imagining green orbs and silky voice calling her good girl and a one particular man touching her. Good thing she had a single room with pretty thick walls.

***

It became pretty clear that classes were not enough for either of them. All things considered they kept it professional for a long time, only meeting in public places, discussing some teacher-student stuff, not really making any of the stuff suspicious. Apart from some additional rumours, nothing new on the campus, they were extremely correct and hesitant to do anything stupid.

But.

Literature talks and exchanging beliefs and ideas quickly led to getting to know each other on way more personal level. She learnt about his family, his adopted father and brothers and he got the whole story of how she was treated in school and why she chose to specialise in literature.

They were getting close.

Arguably closer than teacher – student should, but the more time they spend together the less they cared.

Soon enough their meetings moved from the classrooms and campus to the outside places. And from the days to the nights, always being careful not to get caught. But the urge and the sexual tension between them was making them slip.

It was only a matter of time before someone would lose the war of nerves and needs.

***

Since the dean was tuned in to everything that was happening on the uni ground, after a couple of months Todd was called into his office and had to some heavy explanation of why he was doing nothing less but hanging out with a student that was still under the legal age.  Barely, but sill.

And with the natural ease and smoothness the young professor talked and talked about y/n’s talent and insight and how she was wasting her potential while waiting to be admitted to his classes. He used some pretty convincing arguments about the fame and reputation the uni would get if she becomes the exception to the rule and get the permission to attend despite her age.

And all that seemed to convince the dean.

Y/N was allowed to attend Jason’s course.

And that meant more time spend together.

***

“I almost forgot. I got your essays graded.” He stated one Tuesday evening almost ending the lecture,  holding a bunch of sheets of paper in his hands and waving it around “as usual, most of you should have read between the lines, but apart from that it’s better than before. I see some progress to some of you.” He started walking around, giving the papers to the students.

Was it her imagination again or did he really brushed over her shoulder while passing her? If it was a dream she didn’t want to wake up, feeling that familiar aching in her body. God! She was still at class, acting like a horny teenager! About the teacher! That was completely inappropriate!

“That would be all for today.” Jason stated “class dismissed.”

“But….” She objected. She didn’t get hers back.

“As for you miss Y/L/N….” he trailed, waiting till everyone left  “We need to talk about your thesis. But we’re gonna need the library to prove the point. Meet me there in half an hour, all right? Take your coat with you, the night is going to be cold.”

“but…. But it’s like 8 p.m.” she frowned “I thought the library was closing at 7?”

“I got a special pass. Now go, Y/N.”

Something was telling her that this was not going to be about her writing. And she couldn't wait to discover the double meaning.

[andreafmn]

Collision | Chapter 17

Word Count: 3.2K Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same. Chapter: 17/? A/N: I really hoped I would be able to also write for Speak today, but couldn't finish on time and wanted to post as I had scheduled. If I finish the chapter this week, I'll post it, but y'all will probably have to wait two weeks more 😬😬Anywho, prepare for some feels... you've been warned. My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts to support me and my love of writing or buy me a coffee Follow 😊 -> TikTok • Instagram • Business If you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

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Chapter 17

It wasn’t hard to figure out that Sam was planning a surprise party for her, especially when Jared had let it slip when she was over at her brother’s home. Accident or not, (Y/N) knew just what had been arranged for her 19th birthday.

“I swear, Sam. I had no idea she was here,” Jared had said.

“Don’t you have supernatural senses, Cameron?” (Y/N) laughed. “You should have known about it.”

“I’m not supposed to be on guard when we’re in the house,” he whined. “This is the place where we’re supposed to be relaxed and unaware. This is our safe space.”

“Technically, you should always be paying attention to your surroundings,” Sam responded. “That’s literally your job.”

“Also, when is she not here, dude?” Paul added with a chuckle. “If she’s not at work, she’s here.”

“I have other friends,” she grumbled, settling on the seat next to Paul. “Speaking of, are they invited to my party?”

“They would be if it weren’t for Paul,” Jared teased. “Can’t trust him not to go off at any given point when there are other people involved.”

“So, it’s only gonna be you guys, Emily and Kim? What a party,” (Y/N) laughed. “What about mom? Is she invited?”

Sam’s face contorted in an uncomfortable scowl. He knew the question would come. The obvious tension that existed between Sam and Allison Uley had been growing for almost a year, and the youngest Uley’s arrival only worked to cement the strain that had grown between mother and son.

“Okay, here’s what we can do,” Sam started. “We’ll have the party at the beach. A nice bonfire in a big open space where everyone can be. Paul will be on his best behavior and if anything happens, we’ll just leave.”

“Why does everything have to be so weird now?” she groaned. “This whole secret keeping just makes things harder.”

“Says the girl whose ex is a literal bloodsucker,” Jared chuckled without thinking. But as soon as he heard the words slip by his tongue, regret painted across his face. “Shit, (Y/N), I didn’t mean to say that.”

“It’s fine, Jared,” she smiled comfortingly. “You’re very right. It’s completely flabbergasting that my ex and his whole family are vampires. But I guess I dodged that bullet.”

After that afternoon, the Uley pack had set to prepare for (Y/N)’s first birthday back at the reservation. Everyone in town was happy to attend the bonfire. It was no secret that the Uley girl was loved around town. Even in her absence, all anyone could sing were high praises for her. So it was no surprise when the RSVPs started rolling in.

Quickly, the small gathering had turned into a party for the whole reservation. People were offering to bring plates of food and appetizers for the crowd that was forming, they offered their grilling and bonfire-making services, swiftly making Sam’s job simply inviting people and setting the time.

And somehow in the four days that were left, a whole town party was being set up. It was a stark contrast to the bonfire that had been set only two months before when the Cullens had left Forks. That one had been a fierce celebration as their ancestral enemies had finally left the land. Now, they were celebrating the life of one of their own — her achievements and her future endeavors. A joyous occasion in honor of a valuable member of their community.

At least, it was meant to be joyous, and (Y/N) knew that. She knew she should have been excited to be amongst her people. The same people that had seen her grow and had grown alongside her. The very people she knew she could count on whenever she might need them. She knew all that.

But it was such a bittersweet moment. She was constantly surrounded by people that loved her, but there was something missing. There was someone missing.

He had come into her life and, in so little time, he flipped it on its feet. He had made her believe that every decision, every moment, every second of her existence had led her to that instance —had led her to him.

And as swiftly as he had barreled into her life, he was fine. He had taken every promise, every declaration, every whisper of love with him. And it had left her with an emptiness that couldn’t be filled by anyone else. (Y/N) could only focus on herself —her career, her friendship, her family. But never again would she focus on love. Not when she knew how it could drastically transform her journey.

“Hi, honey,” her mother said as she peeked into her room. She had been staring at her reflection for what felt like hours, even if she knew it had barely been minutes. “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks, mom,” she smiled. “So do you.”

Allison had chosen a long dark red dress, her black jacket toning down the color even more. She had braided her hair and had put on makeup, but (Y/N) could see the years on her face. She could see having to raise two children on her own, having to work two jobs to keep the lights on, the pain of losing her son, the knowledge that one day she could lose her daughter as well. It was all the secrets and the hardships that she had gone through, that her family had put her through.

Those were the moments when (Y/N) wanted to tell her everything, every single detail that had derailed her mother’s life without her knowledge. She wanted to confess that she wasn’t alone in her pain, that the hurt she had carried most of her life was shared between each of the Uley family members. Instead, all she could do was remain quiet.

“Are you excited for tonight?”

“For the most part,” (Y/N) admitted. “It might be just a tad overwhelming. Heard through the grapevine that almost the whole rez is gonna be there.”

“You’ve gone to many bonfires, honey,” she chuckled. “What’s different about this one?”

“That I’m the guest of honor, mom,” the girl chuckled softly. “I’m gonna be the center of attention and that feels weird.”

“Well, I’ll be right there next to you, holding your hand.”

“Thanks, mom. I would never be where I am without you.”

Her mother smiled brightly, wrapping her arms around her tightly. “Oh, sweetheart that’s all you,” she said. “You’ve gotten this far because you’re bright and talented, and so hardworking.”

“And because I’ve had a mom that made all of that possible,” (Y/N) added. “I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, honey, more than you could ever know,” Allison smiled as she released her daughter. “And I have something for you. I wanna do it here, where it’s just you and me.”

The woman reached into her pocket, pulled out a black box, and handed it to her daughter. She followed expectantly every move, excitement filling her. Inside rested a crescent moon pendant that was engraved. As soon as her eyes fell on the necklace, tears formed in the corner of the girl’s eyes.

“Is this your pendant, mom?”

“Yes, honey,” she smiled. “It had been my mother’s, and her mother’s before her, and so on. I have been holding onto it until I felt it was time to pass it down to you. And I think there is no better time than now.”

“Oh, mom, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted this necklace,” (Y/N) said. “But I’ve always wondered, what do the markings mean?”

“After hardship comes ease,” her mother responded. “It’s what my mother would always say and I know how much you might need that reassurance now. Hard times pass, my darling. Even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.”

“I know, mom,” the younger Uley breathed, melting into her mother’s touch as Allison placed a comforting hand on her cheek. “I just wish that time came sooner rather than later.”

“Give time to time, (Y/N). We can’t rush things.”

“I know,” she sighed. “And I’m trying. I really am.”

“I’m sure of that, my darling,” Allison said. “But tonight is about you and not about what has happened or has stopped happening. We’re gonna celebrate your birthday and forget these past couple of months. Use tonight as your time to unwind and prepare yourself for what comes next.”

“I will. I just need a couple of minutes to finish getting ready.”

“Alright, honey. Let me know when you’re done and we’ll go down to the beach.”

As soon as her mother was out of the room, (Y/N) went back to perceiving herself. She stared at the bags that had formed under her eyes, the long restless nights evident on her face. Her fingers traced where her cheeks had seemed to hollow after months of terrible eating habits. She gawked at the lost gleam in her eyes, the emptiness that peeked behind her pupils.

She was a completely different girl than the one that had come back to La Push, and in a few months,  she would be another her. There was a (Y/N) before him. There was a (Y/N) during him. And there would now be a (Y/N) after him. Even if she had not planned for it, she would have to do it.

“It’s now or never,” she whispered to herself.

As she left her room, (Y/N) gave herself a once over. She smoothed down her navy-blue dress and put on a jacket. She was determined to put every sad thought, every bad moment to the back of her mind. He would never again be the reason she wouldn’t enjoy life.

Before she could reach the beach, she could hear the whispered commotion. Even if she knew the party was happening, she was still surprised. Where she was expecting a small group of her friends, it seemed like the whole town had come out to celebrate. As soon as she was close enough, everyone turned and yelled, “Surprise!”

Everyone she knew welcomed her with a smile on their face. People came up to her wishing her a happy birthday and telling her how glad they were she was back home. Even Charlie Swan had popped in for a bit, congratulating her and asking if she’d go by to see Bella. They gave her hugs and kisses, wishing her blessings for the coming years. It was the warmth of a community that she had not felt for four years, giving her a feeling of belonging she had no idea she craved.

“I think more people turned up to your birthday than for the last community bonfire,” Paul said as he joined her side and sat on a piece of driftwood.  The party was in full swing already. Plates of food had been passed out, children were playing, teenagers were talking, and the pack was keeping to themselves. “Hope you were still surprised.”

“I was,” (Y/N) smiled. “Didn’t think many people would care. I mean, it’s just my birthday. Not even a huge milestone. Just nineteen.”

“I think you’re underestimating just how much the people here love you. And any year is a milestone in my book,” he offered. “You made it another year. That’s an accomplishment in itself.”

“I also got approved by the board at UW to start taking aptitude tests,” she confessed. “I’ll spend the better part of December and January taking all kinds of exams to be able to slide into the next round of rotations.”

“Holy shit, (Y/N), that’s amazing!” Paul exclaimed as he twirled her in a tight hug. “It’s almost a miracle.”

“I know,” she added. “I don’t know what out there in the universe is looking out for me, but I’m glad it is. I honestly thought it would never happen. But I got the call yesterday afternoon. It’s really happening.”

“Well, they’re lucky to have you. I can’t think of anyone that would be a better doctor than you.”

“You’re just saying that, Paul,” she chuckled. “But I’m thankful for that vote of confidence. I’m just glad things seem to be moving forward. I really thought I’d be stuck in the same place for a while there.”

“I knew you’d make it out eventually,” he smiled. “Also, I got you something. And I promise it’s not sex coupons. I know I can get that for free.”

“You’re about to get those privileges revoked if you keep talking like that,” she laughed in response. “But I’ll grant you that comment because it seems Sam did not hear you.”

Paul laughed loudly, making a few heads snap back toward them. “But it’s something serious,” he continued as he handed her a wrapped box that had been resting by his feet. “It took me a while to get it, but I hope you like it.”

(Y/N) took hold of the box, carefully ripping away the neat wrapping paper —a job she was sure had been done by Emily. Inside the box, in perfect condition and wrapped in plastic, was a first edition of Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. She ran her hands over the cover. She studied the spine. She inspected every single detail of the book, and it was perfect.

“Oh my god, Paul, it’s absolutely beautiful,” she joyfully cried. “But this must have cost you an arm and a leg. You shouldn’t have spent that on me.”

“I wanted to,” he beamed. “I know how much you like books so I asked Kim if she could help me get you something special.”

“It’s more than special, Paul. It’s a one-of-a-kind gift,” she smiled as she engulfed him in a hug. “I love it so much.”

“It’s as special a gift as you are,” he continued. Paul raised his hand to her cheek, tucking behind her ear a loose piece of hair. “Also, you look beautiful tonight. I don’t think I’ve told you that yet.”

“Thanks,” she replied, feeling the unnatural warmth of his skin seep onto hers. “I’m glad you’re here, Paul. And I’m grateful that you’re my friend.”

“For better or worse, (Y/N),” Paul added. “You know I’ll always be by your side.”

“You better mean that, dude. Cause I’ll hold you to it.”

“So will I,” Sam’s voice startled them. “You might be a part of my pack, but that’s my little sister right there.”

“By a couple of months at best, Sammy,” (Y/N) grumbled. “And I can handle myself perfectly. Thank you very much.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t always be looking out for you, (Y/N),” he smiled. “Now, come on. It’s time for cake.” 

The rest of the night went by quickly. They sang her happy birthday, they passed around cake, and they told stories by the fire. The same stories she had heard since she was just a little kid. The same stories that related the lives of the ancestors of their tribe. The same stories she knew were anything but fiction.

One second, she was staring at the figures that were dancing in the fire, showing her the past. The next, she was heading back home, a heap of presents overfilling her arms. “I’m so tired,” (Y/N) whined to her mother. “I could sleep for two weeks if I could.” 

“Unfortunately, you can’t,” Allison chuckled. “But at least you’ve got the rest of this week.”

They laughed in unison, knowing that the least she would do was actually rest. The only time she would probably have a full night’s rest was that night and it would have been out of pure social exhaustion.

But mother and daughter stopped dead in their tracks when they reached the front door of their house. Right in front of the wooden door were three presents elegantly wrapped in silver paper, the same paper she had seen days before her world fell apart. 

“I’m guessing those are for you,” her mother said. “Do you know who could have sent them?” 

“Maybe they’re from the team at the hospital,” (Y/N) thought quickly. “They couldn’t make it tonight because they were pulling double shifts.”

“That was nice of them,” Allison responded, accepting her daughter’s answer. “That wrapping paper is beautiful.” 

“Yeah,” she choked out. “Can you help me bring them up to my room, please?”

“Of course, darling.” The woman took the three boxes under one arm and opened the door before following her daughter up the stairs. “Alright, (Y/N). Well, I’m going to bed because I have an early shift tomorrow and I’m pretty beat. But, happy birthday, sweetheart.” 

“Thanks, mom. Good night.”

“Night, honey.” 

Allison left the room, shutting the door behind her and (Y/N) felt she could finally let go. She felt her blood run cold inside her body, her limbs trembling at the realization of just who had sent those presents. Even though they had ripped themselves from her life, they somehow kept appearing.

With shaking hands, she opened the first gift that was tagged with a note that said From Rosalie. It was a leather notebook, the cover engraved with the words: Dr. (Y/N) Uley. And on the first page, in beautiful calligraphy, she wrote: I may not be the one who sees the future, but I know you have a bright future ahead of you. Love, Rose.

The next one was labeled From The Cullens. It was a small black box that stored a necklace with the Cullen crest engraved onto a circle charm –small and modern. And it was attached to a note that said: Already part of the family.

(Y/N) could feel the warm tears stream down her cheeks. Her lungs ached at the shortness of air, filling as best as they could as she sobbed quietly. She knew the gifts weren’t sent with malice. A high probability that they had been ordered long before everything had gone awry. But it didn’t stop the wrenching of her heart.

There was only one box left and she knew exactly who it was from. She took the long box in her hand, ripping away the paper violently. She was surprised that it had some weight to it, her mind trying to anticipate what could have been inside before she raised the lid.

On a bed of sating rested a silver stethoscope with blue rubber. Engraved on the instrument's bell, in beautiful cursive letters, it read: Dr. Uley-Cullen. In addition, a card that read For our future.

Those couple of words completely broke (Y/N) down. She fell to her knees, feeling as if the weight of the past few months fell upon her. She muffled her shrieks with her pillow, not wanting to alarm her mother.

Suddenly, everything she thought she had started to get over rose to the surface and hollowness filled her core. As the tears kept falling, she could feel the painful hole in her chest grow deeper and deeper.

He had planned a future for them. A future where she was a part of their family. A future where they would take on the world, together. Yet he had thrown it all away in a second, without another thought. Without ever looking back. He had built everything so high to let it all topple down.

He had left her to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and rebuild a life on her own. And that was the only thing she would allow him to have. She would create a life for herself, by herself, and she would prove to him that she was bigger than her heartbreak.

Next ->

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[bensonsbobblehead]

Maybe a criminal minds oneshot where JJs daughter (basically Henry but a girl instead). Is feeling a lot of anxiety and stress about her moms job not able to sleep, focus at school, maybe she ends up really sick in the hospital? (Kind of like the current storyline they’re doing with Henry?)

Pairings; JJ x Daughter!Reader

content warnings; angst, talks of serials killers, knifes, anxiety, and fears

a/n; my first request I hope I did it well enough! Please lmk what you think!

wc; 1.2k

[masterlist]

Growing up your parents worked beyond hard to keep the world as light and fun for you as possible. It was manageable, they both vowed to never bring their work home. Until someone took your dad and almost killed you. Being so young you really had no clue, you just remember your mom getting into a fight with the woman.

It still showed you the truth, of not just the world but your parents jobs. That they were in danger of losing their lives every-time they stepped out in the field.

You were 17 now with the same fears and anxieties creeping back up. Your mom and dad were all you had and losing them would destroy you. Handling all this by taking extra hours volunteering after school and staying at the dance studio.

It was helpful, getting your mind off things until you heard about the case your mom was working on. Some guy was killing people for really no reason at all but he also hated your moms teams. Every serial killer usually had a vengeance for the BAU.

This one scared you the most, your mom was afraid of “not being able to protect you.” She doesn’t know you heard it but until he was caught your anxiety had gotten worse.

School was becoming increasingly stressful being around everyone. Your anxiety increased even more when you thought about your dad. His job was no better than your moms. He was just closer to home and it still scared you. You were pulled out of your thoughts when your mom called you downstairs.

“Yeah mom?” You asked walking down the stairs with her standing next to her go bag, you knew what it meant, that she either had a case or was heading to the office and would eventually be called on a case.

“I got called into a case” of course “I’m not sure how bad it is but I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She said with the same sympathy that she always had. As if she knew how much her leaving effected you.

“It’s fine mom, I’ll see you after” you walked down giving her a hug almost tearing up. The rest of the day was spent lazily around the house. You did some homework, watched tv, even started a new tv show.

None of it could distract your mind from Franky Brown, the rapist, serial killer that was very angry at the BAU. They are getting closer to cracking the case and he knows. Thanks to one of the late nights when she came home and sat on the phone with Auntie Emily you knew more about the case.

JJ was constantly a target not just cause of the BAU but because she was also a woman. Growing up you remember hearing how she was kidnapped and tortured. You visited her in the hospital not knowing the reason just that she was hurt. Life would be pointless without your mom. She was your best friend and you had to protect her.

“Time for bed baby, your mom will be here later” Will said he planting a kiss on your forehead and heading to the kitchen.

“Goodnight dad” you gathered your homework and headed to your room shutting the door behind you. You got ready for bed, checked all your windows, including the one in your bathroom before heading to your bedroom. After that you quickly grabbed your backpack, grabbing the knife that Amya’s brother gave you last week. He has an entire collection of knives all different sizes and colors, so you may have sweet talked your way into getting one for free.

It wasn’t entirely too big but it was big enough. It was sliver and black and you’ve slept with it every night since you’ve got it. You know it’s ridiculous to think but what if Franky does show up here? You allowed your mind to wonder as you slowly drifted to bed.

You were abruptly awaken by the pictures next to your window fallen. Your heart was pounding and you were so afraid you could barley move. You quickly slid your hand to the knife as the person touched your shoulder.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME” you swung the knife quickly standing up on top of your bed. Pointing the knife toward the figure in the room, attempting to catch your breath.

“Y/N it’s me!” JJ yelled toward you quickly flicking the light on. You were hyperventilating in a corner as you brung your knees to your chest, knife still pointed at your mom.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorr—y” cut off by your sobs,

“I’m going to sit next to you” your mom said as you nodded your head prompting her to sit down. JJ slowly removed the knife but you gripped it tighter avoiding eye contact. Your dad had walked into the room when he heard the commotion. Both your parents had known you were worried more. The tighter hugs and begging them to come home didn’t go unnoticed and this put the cherry on top.

“Your safe baby, I promise, I’m going to take the knife now.” Will spoke up moving closer to you to take the knife away.

You sat in silence with your parents, somewhere in between your dad had taken the knife from you. The concern and worry on their faces didn’t go unnoticed which made you cry harder.

“Sweetie, why did you have a knife under your pillow?” Your mom asked moving a hair behind your ear.

“We’re not upset darling, we don’t don’t want you to hurt yourself in your sleep” Your dad said as he came to sit in front of you.

“Franky Brown” you looked at your mom and bursted into tears, “What if he hurts you or what if he comes here and hurts me—“ you choked on your own sobs.

“Come here” your mom pulled you into a long awaited hug. You squeezed just how you did when you were a little girl, wanting to melt into her. Your mom wasn’t doing so hot either. Her job was important to her but never more important than you.

“I’m sorry I brought this home to you and I’m more sorry we didn’t know.”

“I heard you on the phone with Aunt Emily and I just thought he’d come here next, they have before.” You said honestly, remembering the woman who came here with your dad. The horrible fight you heard your mom in, at the time you were still oblivious to what happened but it happened.

“That’s never going to happen again” will spoke,

“Not if we can help it, I’m sorry I can’t help you feel safe” your mom began to tear up only breaking you more. You hated seeing her sad, you had seen it enough after cases.

That night none of you could get much sleep. Your mom stayed in your room with you as you both were cuddled up together.

“I love you, y/n and I want you to feel safe and never keep this in. I’m here for you. Always.” Kissing your forehead and settling back in. You looked up at her and smiled, “ I know mom.” And you did. At least know you knew now.

[bloodywickedlips]

Lessons and scars

Alright guys this is something different to my usual Reader/Character. This is an OC but can be read as reader as it's in 1st pov. Let me know if i should carry on and if i should make the parts shorter, now on with the story.

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I stepped out of the elevator and made my way through the glass doors. There were people sat at their desks and some walking around with case files. My eyes scanned the room and I spotted Erin Strauss immediately. It seemed as though she was having a heated discussion with my new boss. The one and only Hotchner.

She did warn me that the team won’t take to kindly to my presence, as I was there to observe them and report back to her.

Was I young? Yes,  but I worked hard to be here, I was in college by the age of 17 and when I studied criminology and psychology and aced it, I was swept up very quickly. Passing tests and physical aspects very quickly. Some say it was odd how quickly I climbed the ladder but it was all due to hard work and passion. I spent my first few years in CIA before Erin approached me and put in the transfer.

Everyone was always shocked to hear my age but I did some research on my team mates and felt at ease that they had another young person on the team. Dr Spencer Reid, so it couldn’t be so bad.

I was pulled out of my daze when I saw Erin motion me over with her two fingers.

I sighed and walked over to her and Hotch and had the door closed behind us.

“Aaron, I would like you to meet your new team member, miss Croft. I am sure I’ll be hearing from you soon” she said directed to me and then she left the office, leaving me to stand alone in Hotch’s office.

“Please have a seat” he said and I nodded as I sat down, waiting for him to say where I could set up.

“Miss Croft, please do not take this hard but neither me or my team is happy with you being here under Erin’s orders.” He said to me and I nodded understanding his apprehension.

“Please you can call me Olivia, and I understand but sir don’t get me wrong. I am here to supervise yes, but more so I am here to join the team. I have excelled in all my work and even rose much quicker than my fellow team mates. I’m not here to break your team up, I'm simply here to see how you work with everything that has happened. I hope I can fit in and make this work for all of us” I explained and he seemed satisfied with my answer as he nodded.

Just then there was a knock on the door, signalling there was a new case to be handled.

I followed Hotch to the meeting room and stopped as I saw all the other team members glaring my way.

“Everyone this is Olivia Croft, our new member. Please treat her with respect and we can all make this work” Hotch said using my own words.

I gave a small smile and walked over to the only open seat there was and looked around. I already knew who everyone was, as I looked over all their files previously, the air was cold as everyone settled in and Garcia started giving the details of the new case.

40 minutes later I was sitting on the jet on the way to Mississippi, I sat at the table with JJ and Emily reading over the case.

“The way he murders the females are extensive, it’s pure over kill. I'm sure we can say he has a hate for females and maybe he’s trying to fantasize about killing the one he envisions as they all have the same hair colour and eye colour.” I said as I started connecting the dots.

“Doesn’t mean he’s trying to envision it, maybe he’s just not ready to face her” Morgan said out loud and everyone went deathly quiet at his tone of voice.

He was snarky and distain laced his voice towards me. I just swallowed and kept my eyes on the file, deciding it would be best to stay quiet for now until everyone got used to me being there.

Once we landed, we went straight to the police office to set up. Two days later we had another body and a few traces on the victim that gave more clues into his life. We had a few suspects but something was still missing. I kept staring at the bodies and looking over the muddy boot print on their chest. While Morgan was on the phone with Garcia something clicked as I looked at the board.

“Garcia, narrow the search to a man in his late 40’s and most likely obese with a secluded property, most likely farming pigs” I said and saw Morgan clench his jaw as I interrupted him.

“Wow, okay yes I have two, first one’s name is Ernest Buckley, second one I have is Bill March and I am sending you the locations now” Garcia said and I smiled in triumph as I knew that was what we were missing and it was one of these men.

“Morgan, Olivia you head to Ernest and Spencer and I will head to Bill. Emily and JJ are still at the coroners” Hotch said and I nodded as I walked out and heard Morgan mumble something but I wasn’t going to let it get in my way of catching this killer.

Morgan and I drove all the way out to the pig farm, we walked to the front door and I watched as Morgan kicked the door in. We swept the house but no one was inside. “Check out back” I said not waiting for Morgan to reply.

We walked out and saw a small shed and a barn, nodding at Morgan I made my way to the barn as he went to the shed with our guns raised and ready.

I walked to the barn and slid the door open slowly and stepped inside softly, the wind was making some of the chains rattle making me look around more often.

As I rounded the corner, I saw the man in front of me bending over a figure.

“FBI stop right there!” I shouted out loud enough for Morgan to hear me. The man, Ernest turned towards me with a knife in his hand. He faced me fully and as I quickly looked behind him, I saw a woman half cut up. She was deceased already.

“Put the weapon down” I called out again but instead he charged at me, so I shot off one round hitting him in the shoulder but it didn’t seem to faze him as he knocked into me and slammed me to the ground.

I felt a sting across my cheek as his fist connected with my face and I struggled with my gun as it slipped out of my hand. I punched him as I couldn’t reach my gun and he sneered down at me and hit me again, as he reached for his own knife, I pulled my leg up and hit him between the legs.

He groaned out in pain and it gave me enough leverage to slip out from under him and kick him in the back as I stood up.

I looked around for my gun but it must have fell somewhere in the hay, I watched as he stood up and instantly, I jumped up and wrapped my arm around his throat intending to choke him out. He struggled but stood up to his full height as I clung on to him as my feet were lifted off of the ground. He tried to throw me off but I had a good grip and gasped as he moved backwards and slammed me into the wall back first with his full weight pressing as well, I groaned as I felt something sharp poke into my back, stinging and burning at the same time.

“Morgan!!” I shouted out as I knew I was not going to take him down alone without my gun.

I saw Morgan step inside with his gun raised and thought to myself finally.

“Stop!” Morgan shouted as he stepped forward and I felt my grip loosen as I was winded from the impact on the wall.

I fell down and heard another shot and watched as the unsub fell to the ground. The other team members arrived and I stood up trying to get air back into my lungs. Hotch looked around and silently asked me if I was okay with his eyes which I gave a curt nod.

Morgan walked out as I stood up and wiped the blood from my lip. Walking out I saw the police and other team members as well as the ambulance.

“You okay?” I heard a voice say and looked to see Spencer next to me looking concerned.

“Yeah, I’ve had worse” I replied and saw him nod and watched as his eyes raked over my face. “Olivia you’re bleeding” Spencer said and I nodded as I walked over to the ambulance.

I sat down as the medic looked me over, I had a small cut on my cheek and a nail stuck in my shoulder. Hissing as the medic pulled it out and then cleaned it out and wrapped it up.

He gave me the run down of antibiotics I would need and smiled as I thanked him.

“That was a close one” Hotch said as he stepped up to me and I searched the people around me until my eyes landed on Morgan.

“Yeah it was, Morgan must have been tripped up or something for taking so long. If he came faster then I wouldn’t have had a nail in my back” I said loud enough for him to hear and he narrowed his eyes at me and went to walk over to me but a hand on his arm stopped him.

“Are you okay to fly?” Hotch asked and I nodded as I stood up and grimaced at the burn in my shoulder.

We wrapped everything up and found ourselves on the plane. I decided to sit a few seats back from the team and as I was reading, I couldn’t help but overhear them discuss the case.

Hotch was on the phone with someone, probably Erin if she heard what had happened.

“You know what they say, snitches get stiches” Morgan said loudly while looking straight into my eyes. Spencer rambled something about the phrase but I didn’t listen as I stood up and made my way to the bathroom. I sat there for a good while as the tears ran down my face. I knew I shouldn’t be crying but it was hard to not be accepted by them as I was only doing what I had be told to do.

It didn’t make my work any different or made me incapable of doing this job, maybe this was a big mistake.

I snuck out of the bathroom without making any eye contact and sat down in my seat facing away from the team. As we headed back to the BAU I sighed dreading all the paper work that were waiting.

“Hotch is it fine if I finish my report at home? I need to go pick up meds to prevent an infection” I asked Hotch as the rest of the team walked by us. “Oh special treatment already” Morgan threw my way and I ducked my head as I didn’t think about what I just asked.

“Morgan enough. Yes that’s is fine, make sure it’s on my desk tomorrow” Hotch said and I nodded without a reply and walked away to head to my car.

I made it home safely after picking up my medicine and quickly finished the report.

Finally getting into bed I let my body relax and then I let the sobs escape me as I cried silently in my bed, thinking of telling Erin this was a mistake and I would like to be reassigned .

The next morning, I got up and showered and prepared to go into work and face whatever was thrown my way.

I walked into the office and set my things down and then handed in my paper work.

“I heard you were joining us” a voice said behind me and I smiled at the voice and turned around leaping into his arms to give him a big hug.

“It’s good to see you kid, but I guess you aren’t a kid anymore” Rossi said into my shoulder and I couldn’t help but feel the tears well up in my eyes.

“Hey now, none of that” he said as he wiped the single tear from my face. “Sorry I just haven’t seen you in a long time and missed you on the previous case we had” I explained and looked over his face. He aged very well and still looked as well as ever.

“Yeah I had some personal business, but I heard it didn’t go too well” Rossi said and I nodded while looking down.

“The team doesn’t like new people and it doesn’t help that I have to report back to Strauss” I said to him and he hummed as he looked around.

“Well one thing they need to understand is that there won’t be anything to report back to her because we are all going on just fine” Rossi said and I smiled knowing he was right. Maybe I should just stick out a bit more, things will get better with time.

“And I have never met someone who doesn’t warm up to sweet old you” Rossi said and I knew he was trying to comfort me but he was right after all.

I walked back to my desk and worked on things I had to catch up.

Meanwhile Rossi went to make coffee for himself and most of the team were there discussing Olivia.

“What was that about Rossi?” Morgan asked having seen the encounter between him and Olivia.

“She’s from an old case I got, she was only 15 at the time. And ever since then I would check in on her from time to time” Rossi explained and the whole team shared a look and Rossi started chuckling.

“Guys she’s not bad. Yes, she’s her to report anything strange to Strauss but she’s one hell of an agent and has worked very hard to be where she is now. Besides there is nothing she has to report, right?” Rossi asked but his eyes settled on Morgan with the question obviously knowing what had happened.

“Rossi don’t get me wrong, I just don’t think we need a snake amongst us, will she have our backs when it comes down to it?” Derek said out loud speaking for everyone.

“She’s not a snake Morgan, she’s just doing her job, as for her having our backs? I have no doubt” Rossi said and walked back to his office with his coffee.

The next two months went by quickly with case after case rolling in, it did get better with time although Morgan and Emily was still a bit cold towards me but the rest of the team made me feel comfortable enough to stay.

Currently the team were on a local case, and there were already 12 people dead. Someone was using a home cooked version of the flu, except this strain was the killing kind. It started like flu symptoms but quickly escalated to coughing up blood and then drowning in your own blood as your lungs gave in. There was no antibiotic to help yet, coming into contact with the substance seemed fatal.

 The team had it narrowed down to someone who worked in the CDC but was either fired or lost a love one.

“Garcia what do you have?” Hotch asked as she phoned him back.

“Sir there are too many, I need to narrow it down more” she replied and you were all looking over the information you had.

“Try someone who recently lost a loved one due to negligence in the medical field” Spencer said and I heard Garcia typing and searching. “No nothing” she said and I looked over the board, the puzzles coming together. “Penelope, try someone who was diagnosed with a terminal illness and insurance wouldn’t cover the treatment” I said as I looked over the victims information. They all either worked in the hospital or as insurance brokers.

“Yes yes, I got a Mr Hendrickson, his daughter was 6 with leukaemia and insurance wouldn’t cover the next rounds of chemo, she died 4 months ago. He’s a single father as the wife died while giving birth, this poor man” Garcia said and you all nodded knowing it was him.

“I’m sending you his location now” Garcia responded and all of the phones went off with his location.

“We will check his home address, Spencer and Emily check his work” Hotch said and everyone rushed to file into the cars.

Emily and Spencer arrived at his work place which happened to be a coffee shop under construction, Emily said to Hotch that he was there and they were instructed to get people off of the streets right away.

The rest of the team arrived and quickly barricades were set up, soon Strauss arrived as well to over see the situation.

Emily, Spencer, get out of there we have the place surrounded and we are waiting for the CDC” Hotch said and I saw Emily walk with Spencer but then Spencer stopped and ran into the coffee shop. Emily ran after him but then stopped suddenly.

“Stop, stop. Theres another woman in here but he’s got the AC running, we’ve been exposed. Emily get back as I don’t know how far it can travel outside” Spencer said over the teams communication line. Hotch ordered Emily to come back although she was hesitant.

All other people that were around was taken to the hospital immediately to check for any symptoms.

“Spencer what do you see?” Rossi asked and you all listened as he walked around inside. “He’s here, but he’s dead, there is powder all over the floor. This was his working station. This whole place is a death trap, he knew we were coming” Spencer said and my heart was beating loudly for worry.

Over the past months Spencer was the one I got closest to. We both enjoyed reading and being nerds as well as being closer in age made it easier.

Strauss was on the phone with the director by the CDC and she looked grim.

“What is it?” Hotch asked as she put the phone down and sighed. “They have the sample he’s been using. They will try and get an antidote but the longer he’s in there the worse he’ll get and we can’t risk him coming out” Strauss said and everyone cursed by the news.

“Spencer what else is there?” I asked waiting for a response and heard him speak softly.

“I see a lot of liquids and tubes and the powder” he replied with a wheeze. Spencer didn’t have a lot of time left and you all knew it.

“Fuck it” I said as I stepped forward but Strauss grabbed my arm stopping me. “You are not going in there” she instructed and I glared at her.

“I’m not leaving him to die” I growled out and ripped my arm out of her grasp, she raised her shoulders “I will have your badge, I am not letting two agents die” she replied and I chuckled as I pulled my badge out along with my gun and slammed them down onto the table.

Everyone looked shocked at me for what I just did and Strauss was speechless as I turned and ran down the street and into the coffee shop.

I stepped over the woman’s body and walked to the back where Spencer was sitting down struggling to breathe.

His eyes were closed and light sweat had formed over his face.

“Shit…” I said as I walked to the back and opened all the cupboards looking for something to help. When I saw a black duffle bag, I walked over to it quickly and saw an oxygen tank with a mask along with tubes filled with green and blue liquid.

I ran over to Spencer and slipped the mask over his face and turned the oxygen on. “What are you doing?” he whispered out as he looked up at me.

“I'm not a person to leave anyone behind” I said and walked back to his table. I read over his folders but they were all a mess. The tubes had to mean something, green and blue. One was the disease and one was the cure. But which one was which.

In all my years working with chemistry, blue was usually the antidote and green was the disease, but this guy knew we were onto him.

He would make it so we thought we knew the antidote but we were clever and I knew he would set a second trap. And there were a lot more blue than green, he had to have kept the antidote in smaller quantity to have the impact he wanted.

“Green it is” I said and pulled two tubes out along with the needle and syringe. “Sorry about this Spencer” I said as I pushed the needle into his arm and injected the liquid into his blood stream.

“Okay I’ve given Spencer the green tube, I'm sure it’s the antidote. Can CDC set up a point to decontaminate us?” I asked and heard shouting on the line.

“What do you mean you are sure? We don’t know which one is which” Hotch said over the line and I groaned as I helped Spencer stand.

“There were only 4 tubes of the green, he knew we were coming inside the shop. Why have more antidote than the disease. I know what he was thinking” I groaned out as Spencer slumped more and he was heavy.

“We are coming out, have the CDC ready” I said as I opened the door before pocketing the last two tubes and walked out to see there was a tent set up. 3 workers ran over to us and helped us inside, they were dressed in full hazmat suits.

I pulled the two bottles out and then the blue one as well. “Get them tested to see which one is the cure” I said as I felt my chest becoming heavy. One of the men grabbed the tubes and dropped a few drops of each into a container and then smiled.

“Good guess agent, the green is the cure. We’ll just scrub you down and take the cure to the remaining victims in the hospital” he said and I nodded with a small smile.

Spencer was placed on more oxygen as well as me and as soon as we felt a bit better we were instructed to strip down so that our clothes could be burned.

“Thank you” Spencer said as we both were busy undressing, I looked over at him as he was busy undoing his shirt buttons. “I'm just glad you are okay, what’s a job compared to saving a friend” I said to him and watched as he stopped and looked back up at me.

“What do you mean your job?” he asked and I chuckled as I continued unbuttoning my shirt. “Strauss said she’ll have my badge if I go to you” I said as I turned my back to Spencer and heard him do the same as I was not able to look him in the eyes if I were to stand there naked. But when our fronts were sprayed, we were instructed to turn and had to face each other, I kept my eyes straight forward but I saw Spencer’s eyes slip down and then the quickly looked up at the roof with a deep red blush covering his cheeks. I smiled as he blushed and wanted to laugh at the situation.

Obviously the first time in almost a year I was naked with a guy had to be cause of work.

After being hosed down with freezing cold water both Spencer and I were handed robes to cover ourselves with.

We walked back to the team and as the team one by one hugged Spencer I saw Hotch speaking to Strauss and I knew it was him having to sign off on me.

“Don’t ever do that again” Rossi scolded me as he pulled me into a side hug. “Sorry Rossi, but you know I like to live every day as if it’s my last” I said and he chuckled at my words.

“Don’t I know it, you’re the reason I'm so grey” he grumbled and I laughed out loud at him “I thought that was due to wife number 3” I said with a smirk and felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned to see Morgan standing there along with JJ and Emily, Spencer standing just behind them.

“That took some balls, I'm glad you have a big pair” Morgan said and extended his hand out towards me. I took it and smiled as I knew he was finally accepting me in the team.

“Thank you Morgan, it wasn’t much just a hunch” I said and he shook his head at me.

“Don’t down play it sweetness, you’ve got brains, muscle and balls. Sure you not a dude?” he asked laughing and it sent me into a fitful laugh as well.

“I'm pretty sure, you can even ask Spencer. He saw that I'm a woman” I said and Morgan arched his eyebrow at my words and turned to a blushing Spencer.

“Alright drinks tonight” Emily said and everyone agreed happily quickly. “Not for me, I’ll have to clean out my things” I mentioned and the team looked around at each other.

“Why?” Hotch asked and I looked curiously at him “You heard Strauss, she has my badge” I said and watched as he reached behind him and handed over my badge and gun.

“She might have pulled you from her operation but we have been looking for another team member and I think we found one, congratulations. You are one of us now fully, no Strauss anymore, directly anyway” Hotch said and I smiled as I took it back. Everyone cheered and JJ pulled me into a side hug.

I went home and took another shower to feel a bit better and saw I had some time to kill before tonight and decided to take a small nap. After waking up I stretched my aching muscles and raided my closet, I decided on a pair of jeans that hugged all my curves just right along with an off the shoulders white top.

Everyone met up at the bar around 8, drinks were flying around as well as stories being thrown around the table, everyone laughed and as the music got louder Emily and Morgan went to go dance.

“Just look at him” Garcia said and you followed her line of sight and it fell on Morgan. “Go dance with him” I said and she shook her head while drinking from her straw. “I can’t he’s just so hot and I'm not besides I have Kevin” she said and I shook my head at her. “Garcia you are hot, don’t body shame yourself” I said and she looked down at her outfit and then back to me. “Penelope, yes we aren’t as thin as those girls dancing around him but you know what matters? It’s owning your body and giving off confidence” I said and she smirked at me.

“Oh yeah big mouth, prove it” she said and my jaw dropped open at her words “Is that a dare?” I asked her with a laugh thinking she was joking. “Yes it is, show me what ya got” she said and I leaned over to grab a shooter from the table and quickly threw it back.

“Fine watch and learn” I said as I stepped onto the dance floor and started swaying my hips along with the music. Closing my eyes I felt the music in my pulse and went with it. I moved with the crowd and stared at Penelope as I moved closer to Derek and turned so my back was facing him as I moved my hips in tune with the music. I felt hands on my waist and looked down to see Morgans hands and grinned as I looked over to Garcia in which she raised her glass at me.

I giggled as the alcohol went straight to my head but I was enjoying my time out with the team, finally the tension was broken and I was one of them.

I moved a bit away from Derek and continued to dance with him but I felt a body press up against me and frowned as I looked over at the guy. “No thanks” I said and pushed his hands off of me but he grinned and pulled me into him. His breath stank of cheap cigarettes and beer. “Come on baby, I saw you grinding on him and his hands all over you, now it’s my turn” he said and I glared at him.

“Yeah so what, that doesn’t give you the right to touch me” I sneered at him and he smirked down at me. “So you’d rather have a black guys hands all over you than your own kind?” he growled at me and I felt Morgan step up behind me clearly hearing his words.

“Listen here, I would rather have every finger and body part of this fine man right here all over me than one single pinky of yours” I hissed at him and watched as he glared at us both. “Fat bitch” he threw my way and I felt Morgan step forward but grabbed his hand shaking my head.

“Don’t, he’s just jealous and obviously compensating” I said loud enough for him to hear and turned my attention back to Derek as we started dancing again.

I felt a bit uncomfortable after hearing those words I’ve heard so many times and clearly Derek noticed.

“Get him out of your head” he said to me over the music and I looked up at him “But he said the truth, I'm both fat and a bitch” I replied to him feeling my confidence slip away from one asshole’s words.

“Hey no don’t do that, where is the confident bitch I know, the one brave enough to sway her hips and have all eyes on you. Look around since you came up dancing with me all the other girls went away, why? Cause you are one fine ass mama” Derek said and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at his words. I nodded my head and slipped into my own mind again with the music, Derek’s hands on my hips as we moved in sync.

He pulled me flush against his body and I felt his hand on my waist and turned to face him.

“Derek don’t take this up wrong, you are really hot but I'm not…” “stop right there” Derek said and I looked at him confused. “This isn’t for me sweetheart” he said and I was about to question him but he pulled my hips back against his own and swayed until we were turned the other way. “Open your eyes baby” he said and as I did my eyes met Spencer’s.

His eyes were glued to my swaying hips and I blushed as I saw the look of lust in his eyes before his eyes met mine and he quickly looked away.

“Derek Morgan you are pure evil” I said to him and felt his chest rumble with laughter. “Let’s go get more drinks” he said and I nodded as we walked back to the table.

“Holy shit Olivia, you did well on your dare. And when that second guy stepped up, I just mean wow” Garcia said and I felt my cheeks burn but opted to down my drink instead of replying.

“Alright guys that’s it for me” I said and heard them groan out clearly not happy.

“Hey I have something early in the morning and I gave you a good show, so hush” I said and grabbed my bag. “I’ll walk you out, I also have something tomorrow” Spencer said and I smiled gratefully before saying goodnight to the rest of the team.

Spencer and I shared a cab and as it pulled up to my apartment, he got out with me and said his was just two apartments away.

“Thank you again for today” Spencer said and I looked into his eyes seeing only pureness in them.

“Of course Reid, I wouldn’t let you down like that” I said and turned to walk up the few steps. “well, I guess I’ll see you when we have another case” I said to him and watched as he awkwardly waved at me and walked off to his own building.

I pushed my keys into the door and made sure to lock it behind me, heading straight for bed I took my shoes of and changed into pj’s. Sleep came easily and I was pulled into darkness fast.

[invisibleicewands]

How Sheen transformed himself into Prince Andrew

Actor Michael Sheen has described how he transformed his look for his "intense" portrayal of the Duke of York in the drama A Very Royal Scandal.

The Welsh star used a wig and false teeth for his role as Prince Andrew in the three-part series focusing on the infamous BBC Newsnight interview with Emily Maitlis, and the days leading up to it.

"It helps with a character if you look very different when you play that character because of the act of taking that stuff off and de-rigging, as we call it," Sheen said.

"I wear a wig and I've got some teeth that I put in, that's it... I try to use what I've got as much as I possibly can."

"But nevertheless, the more different you look, it really does help psychologically."

The 2019 interview, which did great damage to the prince's reputation, saw him talk candidly to Maitlis about his friendship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

Prince Andrew also used the interview to emphatically deny having sex with then 17-year-old Virginia Giuffre.

The prince subsequently paid a financial settlement to Ms Giuffre, formally ending a civil case brought against him in the US.

The out-of-court settlement accepted no liability and the prince has always strongly rejected claims of wrongdoing.

"For me, personally, playing characters that are based on real people are a bit more intense than others and I enjoy that," Sheen said.

"I've tried to stay as true to the version of Prince Andrew that I have been able to research and see.

"Obviously there are huge restrictions on that, because unless you can meet the person and spend time with them and get behind the public profile, it's very hard to know what they're really like and what's really making them tick."

Sheen has previously put his own spin on real-life figures such as David Frost in Frost/Nixon, Chris Tarrant in the ITV drama Quiz, and football manager Brian Clough in The Damned United.

"Ultimately, my performance, in this and in anything that I've done that is a real person, is a mixture of the version of the real person that's out there, that's accessible through research, and then the version of that person, the character, that's in this story and in this script."

Alongside Sheen as Prince Andrew, the series stars Ruth Wilson as Emily Maitlis, while Maitlis herself was one of the show's executive producers.

"The interview itself was the thing that we were most anticipating," said Sheen.

"I watched that interview in minute detail for months and months many times a day, and it offers up all kinds of things.

"Every time I watch or listen to it, sometimes I watch it, sometimes I just listen to it, and you pick up all kinds of details.

"Having spent so much time focused on that in terms of the research, when you come to actually do it, there's a lot of pressure."

The Amazon Prime series comes months after a rival dramatisation of the 2019 interview, Scoop, was released on Netflix.

A Very Royal Scandal's cast also includes Joanna Scanlan as Amanda Thirsk, Alex Jennings as Sir Edward Young, Éanna Hardwicke as Stewart Maclean and Claire Rushbrook as Sarah Ferguson.

[daynascullys]

let's go: 2 / 4 / 8 / 12 / 13 / 22 / 34 / 66 / 72 / 76 / 100!

omg iconic hahaha thank you <3 I’ll be nice and do a read more 😂

send me a number!

————————————————————— 🌷

2. How often do you dream and how often do you remember your dreams?

Funny enough, I have been feeling super angsty over my dream last night, which was me getting to really talk to idina menzel. But I don’t dream all that often. I’d say I often remember them, though, because it tends to be very emotional and can cause me to feel things during the day.

4. Speaker, earbuds, or headphones?

Generally I like when I can use my speakers, but for first listens of an album or song I use earbuds.

8. Roll a d20 or pick a random number between 1-20 and tell me a memory from that age (roll until you get an age you can remember something from)

I used a random number generator and got 17… I remember seeing Idina Menzel in If/Then the day before Thanksgiving, then having a hard time and impulsively cutting my hair off the day after Thanksgiving (my hair had been long for pretty much all of high school). I didn’t tell anyone because I wanted it to be some sort of… statement? when we got back to school lol

12. What song punches you right in the gut?

The first song I thought of was “For Good.” That’s a song I rarely listen to despite how much I love it.

13. What song takes you to a happy place?

“How You Get the Girl” hehe

22. What “bad” smell do you actually like?

Vinegar/pickle juice? Does that count?

34. Mountains, forest, or ocean?

Ocean!

66. What’s sensory heaven vs. sensory hell to you?

Sensory hell is too many noises at once, especially when I would sub in the preschool room. I could handle babies all crying at once, but the preschoolers were able to say my name, so hearing “Miss Emily, Miss Emily” simultaneously from a bunch of kids while trying to work was so much for me. Sensory heaven is probably a comfortable temperature, early morning light, and music. I don’t consider myself a huge sensory person, so I’m not actually sure lol

72. Share a poem you enjoy.

76. What do you feel guilty for?

Not seeing my grandmother this year before she died.

100. What’s on your anti-bucket list (things you NEVER want to do in your life)?

I never want to go to a college/frat party (which I never did in college, so I think I might be safe).

[crmsnmth]

September Sky Chapter Two, Part 3

"Yeah, maybe. I don't really know. I do listen. When I can hear," I said. Once again, it felt uncomfortable and weird.

"I'm serious. You pass by a lot of chances when you never make an effort."

"I know."

"How have you been sleeping?" She skillfully switched the conversation onto another one of my major issues, and that was sleep. Sleep and me hadn't gotten along for probably four years The last year with Emily, and then three after. Nightmares, night terrors, sleep paralysis, and huge fights with insomnia. My body just rejected sleeping good anymore.

"As well as I have been. Nothing's really changed," I said.

"The Ambien didn't help?" She sounded surprised. It was apparent that the normal ways people can use to get sleep didn't really work at all for me.

"It helps me fall asleep, but I'll be up an hour later. And coherent. It's not the zombie walk Ambien side effect."

"Hmm, well, did you want to keep trying with this or move on to the next?" She always talked about the meds I take. Making sure that I was okay with what we try. She didn't really like to push meds unless there was nothing else to be done. Like my Lithium and Seroquel. Those were needed and most likely would be the rest of my life.

"It doesn't really matter. I guess I can try this a little longer."

"Let's try until your next appointment. Two weeks should be more than enough time. If it's still not working, we'll try another one. We aren't at the bottom with that yet. There's still plenty of things that can help. We'll figure it out." It almost seemed she was trying to reassure me. She didn't need to. This never bothered me. I'd been through med changes when I got my first Bi-Polar diagnosis at 17. Almost ten years ago. Four years until they put me on the Lithium and Seroquel. Those have been the only constant meds for six years. Otherwise, it's always a revolving door of pharmacists explaining new meds to me.

"Sounds good. Like I said, it does help me fall asleep, so that's something."

Sarah smiled and nodded at me. She wrote something else on her clipboard before flipping to a new page. "Yes, that's true. How's work been going?"

"It's alright. We lost a cook two weeks ago, but that was his own fault. All of us smoke weed, but only a few use harder. Eric used really hard, and become a major hazard in the kitchen." I said.

"Did you have to get rid of him?"

"No, thank god. I couldn't do that. Even if he was a danger, I'd just figure out safe jobs for him, and talk to him. Try and get him some help. I don't think firing him for an addiction is really all that fair to him. It was tough enough to watch."

"So you were there when this went down?" Sarah gave me an interested look.

"Yea. Me, Tom, Amber and Angela were all there. Tom did the actual firing. I guess we had to be there as the heads. I don't know. It wasn't a great experience." I said.

"I guess that makes sense. How did Eric take it?"

"Not well. But he didn't get angry or sad. He just kind of deflated and acted like it didn't really bother him all that much. It was, I don't know, depressing?"

"It sounds like it. So, our time is almost up already. I have you scheduled in two weeks, same time, same place." She stood up out of her chair. I tried to get a look at the legal pad, out of curiosity about what they it was that she would write, but I couldn't get a good enough luck. Letters, but no words.

I stood up right after her, stretching the stiffness out of my body. Her chairs sucked. They reminded me of those old chairs you'd see in hotel room desks. Extremely stiff and rigid, with something they thought was cushion.

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 12

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, tension, angst

The silence in my apartment was suffocating after Alex stormed out, slamming the door behind him. I replayed our argument over and over, each word cutting deeper. How did we get here? I’d spent the last month caring for him, rearranging my life to cater to him. Now, he was off to Barcelona with Emily, leaving me to pick up the pieces. A bitter laugh escaped me. Of course, he chose her over me. I couldn't even spend our last night together before his trip.

I angrily wiped away tears, trying to suppress the rising wave of emotions. It wasn't just the argument with Alex that hurt, it was everything else too. Matt’s silence since the fight, the confusion about what almost happened between us, and the sinking feeling that maybe I wasn’t enough. Not for Alex, not for anyone.

Curling up on the couch, the apartment felt empty and cold. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Now there was nothing to distract me from the growing loneliness. My phone buzzed, and my heart skipped a beat, hoping it was Alex with an apology. But it was Nick. Surprised, I hesitated before opening the message.

 "Hey, are you okay? I heard Alex is staying here tonight.. Do you want to hang out?"

A wave of gratitude washed over me. I hadn’t realized how much I needed someone to reach out until I saw Nick’s message. I quickly replied, "I’d really like that. I can order you an Uber?"

His response came instantly. "Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks."

As I waited for Nick to arrive, a mix of emotions swirled inside me. I hadn’t expected to hear from him, let alone tonight. The last time I saw Nick was the same night I last saw Matt, and now that he was coming over, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But one thing was clear - I was grateful someone cared enough to check on me, even if it wasn’t the person I had hoped for.

When Nick arrived, his soft smile and warm greeting were comforting. “Hey girl” he said, his voice soothing. We sat on the couch, and after a brief silence, he said, “I’m really sorry about everything that’s been going on.”

“Everything’s just a mess, you know? I’ve been trying so hard to make things work with Alex, but it feels like I’m the only one who cares. And now he’s off to Barcelona with Emily, and I’m just.. here.”

Nick nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I get that. It’s not fair that he left like that, especially after everything you’ve done for him, but don’t worry we’re making sure you’re busyyyyy while he’s away.”

I smirked at his last comment, I could really use more time out of the house. “I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Why does it feel like I’m never enough?”

“You’re not doing anything wrong.” Nick said firmly. “Alex is the one who’s screwing up, not you. You’ve been bending over backward for him, and he’s just taking you for granted.”

His words hit me hard, and I had to look away, blinking back tears. “It just hurts, you know? I’ve given so much, and it feels like he doesn’t even care. I just feel so lonely.”

Nick placed a comforting hand on my arm. “You deserve better than that, Y/n. You deserve someone who actually appreciates everything you do. Maybe it's time to end things with him?”

No one had ever said those words to me before, so it came as a shock. “Maybe.. But thank you, Nick. It means a lot.”

We talked for a while,  gossiped and watched some episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race and slowly, the weight of the evening lifted. 

Matt’s POV

The next morning, the blaring jingle of my alarm pulled me from a restless sleep. I quietly got dressed, trying not to wake Emily, who was sprawled across the bed, completely oblivious to the storm brewing in my head.

Once I was ready, I nudged Emily gently. “Hey, we need to get going soon if you want to make your flight.”

She groaned, burying her face in the pillow. “Just five more minutes…”

“Emily, come on” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. “You’re gonna miss your flight if you don’t get up.”

“Ughhh, fine.” she mumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. She looked at me through half open eyes, clearly not a morning person. “Why do these flights have to be so early?”

I didn’t answer, knowing it wouldn’t make a difference. I grabbed her suitcase to carry it downstairs and started wheeling it towards the door. Alex was already waiting, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked just as groggy as Emily, but there was a tension in his jaw that told me he hadn’t forgotten our argument. I knew better than to bring it up again.

The car ride to the airport was quiet, filled with the sound of Emily typing away on her phone. She showed me pictures of clubs and bars she wanted to visit in Barcelona, but my mind was elsewhere.

“Do you know anyone in Barcelona?” Emily asked suddenly. “Maybe you could get us into some VIP sections or something?”

“Emily, I’m just a YouTuber. Who the fuck would I know out in Barcelona?”

She pouted slightly, disappointed. “Oh, come on, you must know someone. Doesn’t everyone in LA have some kind of connection?”

“Not really my scene, Em..” I replied, focusing on the road.

We pulled up to the airport, the morning sun just starting to peak over the horizon. I parked the car and helped them with their bags. The airport buzzed with people rushing to catch flights.

I gave Emily a kiss goodbye as Alex walked to check in. “See you in 10 days, don't miss me too much! I love you!” Emily said, looking over her shoulder as she walked toward Alex.

“Have a great time Em, love you too.” I lingered by the entrance, watching them navigate the crowd together. Emily clung to Alex’s arm, talking animatedly about something. Alex seemed more interested in getting their bags through. I felt a strange emptiness in my chest. The argument with Alex, the tension between us, and now this… something had to change. But I wasn’t sure what or how.

I drove back home, the sun now fully up. The roads were clearer, but my mind was anything but. The silence in the car was deafening, and for the first time in a long while, I wished Emily was here with me, chattering away about something meaningless purely to take my mind off everything. My mind was a mess of thoughts, always circling back to Nick and Y/n. I couldn’t get over the fact that Nick had gone to her place last night. Why did she call an Uber for him? Was she avoiding me? I know I hadn’t been in touch with her but It wasn’t intentional, things got so complicated. But maybe that was just an excuse. I was scared.. scared of what might happen if I did see her again.

A notification popped up on my dashboard screen, snapping me out of my thoughts. A message from Nick: “Can you come pick me up from Y/n’s?”

My heart skipped a beat at the sight of her name. I made Siri send a quick response, “On my way!”

The drive to Y/n’s apartment was short, but it felt like forever. My mind raced with questions. Was I going to see her?

When I finally pulled up outside her building, my heart was pounding. I scanned the area, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but there was no sign of her car that's usually parked in the same spot. I parked up, texting Nick to let him know I was outside and waited.

After a few minutes, Nick emerged, smiling as he spotted my car. I couldn’t help the wave of disappointment when I realized Y/n wasn’t with him to show him out. Nick got in, buckling his seatbelt.

“Morning,” he greeted.

“Morning,” I replied. “Where’s Y/n?”

“Oh she went to work hours ago.” Nick explained. “She told me I could stay as long as I wanted when she left, she just put the door on auto lock so it would close properly behind me.”

Nick kept up a steady stream of conversation on the drive home, mostly talking about how nice it was to hang out with Y/n last night. I tried to focus, but my thoughts kept drifting back to her. What if she was mad at me? What if she regretted almost kissing me? Did she even mention me at all? The uncertainty was eating me alive.

Nick must have noticed my silence. “You okay, Matt? You’ve been pretty quiet.”

I forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess, from being up so early..”

Nick didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push it. Instead, he leaned back and let the music fill the car, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

By the time we got back to the house, I was exhausted, not just physically, but mentally. The weight of everything that had happened over the past few weeks was hitting me, and I knew I couldn’t keep ignoring it. But right now, all I wanted was to crawl back into bed and shut the world out, even if just for a little while.

Y/n’s POV

The blaring sound of my alarm clock pulled me out of the depths of a short sleep. Nick and I were laughing so much last night that it ended up being very late getting to bed. I groaned, rubbing the exhaustion from my eyes as I rolled out of bed. Today was the last of my early morning shifts at Target, and the thought of returning to a normal schedule next week was the only thing keeping me going. These early shifts had been isolating, to say the least. It felt like everyone else was living their lives in a different time zone, and I was drifting in a space where no one else existed. Even Jess, who used to be my go to for venting about the monotony of day to day life, had been absent. We hadn’t seen or heard from each other since the night of Alex’s fight either. Opposite shifts had kept us apart, and I missed her more than I realized.

By the time my shift ended, I felt drained, not just from the physical exhaustion, but from the emotional toll everything had taken on me. I checked my phone as I walked out of the store, blinking against the harsh daylight. There was a text from Alex. Hesitating for a moment, I finally opened it.

“I’m sorry about last night. I know I’ve been a lot to deal with lately. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not enough because you are. I promise I’ll make it up to you when I get back. I love you.”

Reading his apology didn’t bring the comfort it might have once. Instead, it felt like another weight pressing down on me, making it harder to breathe. I realized, in that moment, that I was done. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. But admitting it to myself and actually going through with ending things with Alex were two very different things. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to face that yet. Not now, not with everything else piling up around me.

I typed out a quick response, keeping it brief. “Okay. Have a safe flight. Love you too.”

Moments later, another message from Alex popped up. “Thanks. Can you keep an eye on my email while I’m gone? Still waiting to hear from the board about their decision.”

My heart sank. I completely forgot the internal investigation after the fight had weighed heavily on him, and me by extension. The Bruins management had mentioned the possibility of a suspension or even stripping away his captaincy, a prospect that had left him in a state of constant anxiety. I’d been there for him through it all, yet it seemed like no matter what I did, it was never enough to pull him out of his own head.

When I finally got home, the only thing I wanted was to collapse into bed. The thought of facing the day was too much to bear, and I let myself fall into the comfort of my blankets. The weight of the last few weeks pressed down on me until I drifted into a fitful sleep.

When I woke up, it was dark outside. I felt disoriented, my mind still tangled in the remnants of dreams I couldn’t remember. The apartment was silent, and the loneliness hit me harder than I expected. I’d grown used to having someone around, even if that someone was Alex, with all his faults and shortcomings. But last night, when Nick had stayed over, it had been different. There was something comforting about his presence, something that made the emptiness feel less suffocating.

But it made me realise how much I missed Matt. The way he’d disappeared from my life so suddenly had left a void that no one else could fill. Even having Nick around hadn’t been enough to keep me from thinking about Matt. The connection we’d shared, brief as it was, had been real. I could still feel the electricity from that almost kiss, the tension that had hung between us like a charged wire.

In a moment of weakness, I found myself reaching for my phone. I wondered what Matt was doing right now. Did he ever think about me? Did he miss me as much as I missed him? My thumb hovered over the Youtube search bar, a reckless idea forming in my mind.

The Sturniolo Triplets.

It didn’t take long to find their YouTube channel. My heart raced as I clicked on the first video that caught my eye, the familiar sound of Matt’s voice filling the room. As the video played, I felt a strange sense of comfort wash over me. This was probably the closest I’d get to him again, watching him through a screen, pretending he was still a part of my life.

But as much as I tried to lose myself in the videos, the loneliness crept back in. The emptiness that Matt’s absence had left was still there, refusing to be ignored. Just as I was about to close the app, my phone buzzed with a new message.

Nick 💜:  “Want to hit Topgolf in a bit? One of our friends from Boston is here. We can pick you up on the way.”

We? who was we?

a/n: okay kind of a filler chapter buuuuut maybe just maybe a certain two people reunite in the next chapter

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @hoeforchrizz @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69 @hotdismylife @maggot3647 @ivysturnss @noplaceissafeanymore @mattssgf @yourfavsturniologirl @maethem0nth @sillyponygrl @mattyblover07 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @dominicfikeenthusiast @mattsfavbigtitties @ncm9696

[blogger360ncislarules]

Montana Jordan is giving fans an update on Georgie & Mandy's First Marriage and what it will entail for his character. 

Talking with ET's Deidre Behar from the orange carpet of the 2024 Kids' Choice Awards on Saturday, the 21-year-old actor spilled the details on the highly-anticipated Young Sheldon spinoff and where exactly the show will find his beloved character, Georgie Cooper, after the death of his father. 

"You're going to find them two months after Young Sheldon ended," the Texas native shared, adding, "They're still mourning the loss of, you know, George [Sr.] dying and all that and so you're going to get to see Georgie become the man of the household."

Jordan said that the show -- which follows Georgie and his wife, Mandy McAllister (Emily Osment) in the throws of their marriage -- will see the couple experience the ups and downs of a relationship and young parenthood in a dichotomy-driven comedy. 

He also shared that while they plan to keep it light and funny for the live studio audience -- a return to The Big Bang Theory roots for executive producer Chuck Lorre -- they don't plan to shy away from "the hardness" and "the struggles" of two young parents trying to figure their lives out.

In June, ET spoke with the Hannah Montana alum at the Baha Mar Resort in the Bahamas, where she shared the very little information she had on the scripts and the content that the show will cover in its first season. 

"I actually have not read anything yet, but we're starting fairly soon and we're still in the process of pre-production," Osment said. "I assume it starts right where we left off, so there isn't too big of a gap for our viewers in terms of, like, story or missing us too much. We just pick right up where we were."

Just hours before his Kids' Choice Awards stop, Jordan appeared at a Television Critics Association event alongside Osment and they confirmed that the show will feature guest stars a plenty. Included in that list are Perry, Revord and Annie Potts -- who play Georgie's mother, sister and grandmother, respectively. 

At the Kids' Choice Awards, Jordan shared of the cast, "Well, who we have right now – and I can tell you this without getting fired -- is Mrs. Zoe Perry, Ms. Annie Potts and Ms. Raegan Revord." 

According to the actor, he had to do an audition to land the role in the spinoff, and he made sure that his on-screen family members had to do the same. "I did my own audition, so I got them to audition for it this time," Jordan told ET. "They all did great, so they got the part."

On Saturday, the show's executive producers, Lorre, Steven Molaro and Steve Holland, were tight-lipped on how and when the trio of integral ladies in Georgie's life will appear in the show, but shared that each will make a big splash in season 1.

The show also stars Rachel Bay Jones and Will Sasso as Mandy's parents, Audrey and Will, who are skeptical about her relationship with Georgie. 

Watch a preview for the show in the player below:

Georgie & Mandy's First Marriage premieres Oct. 17 at 8 p.m. EST on CBS. 

[wonkyreads]

The Stars Too Fondly by Emily Hamilton

2 out of 5 solar systems

Cleo McQueary is lost in life and absolutely obsessed with what happened to the crew of Providence I. Twenty years ago all 203 of them had simply disappeared and no one at NASA seemed to care enough to figure it out. Cleo and her friends, though, hatch a drunken plan to break into the space ship to puzzle it all out for themselves. The plot spirals out of control from there in ways the official synopsis doesn’t touch on so I feel obligated to leave out as well.

The Stars Too Fondly is marketed as a queer space odyssey rom-com and while I can see where they’re coming from, it (along with the mention of a heist) wasn’t anything like what I was expecting. I’d compare it to Becky Chambers’ Wayfarers more than just about anything else and it has too much heart to be distilled down into just ‘rom-com.’ I can see it being an absolute hit with the right audience. That audience just really wasn’t me.

First of all, this is very much science FANTASY more than the hard sci-fi I’d expected. I’m a chronic overthinker so every modern day pop culture reference and impossible piece of science magic sent me spiraling. And there was a metric ton of that. So, if you’re the kind of person who will wonder why TikTok and Thomas the Tank Engine are still relevant in 2061 or if a ‘food extruder’ would be super convenient or a hellish prospect for someone with celiac, then this might be a skip for you. I think I’d have had an easier time with all of it if Providence I hadn’t been launching a mere 17 hypothetical years from now when it seems people from 2061 had made little to no new scientific advances (despite so many kids purportedly having gotten obsessed with Providence and then going into STEM fields). And also if there was a single pop culture reference that wasn’t from 2019 or later. I care far too much about the logic of it all and this is a book that requires the reader to largely just go with the flow. It is intentionally silly and often requires a hefty suspension of disbelief.

Because I am nothing if not nitpicky, a couple smaller things that made it difficult for me, personally, to stay within the narrative: Sometimes conversations lacked dialogue tags and it tripped me up every time. This is about a group of 20-somethings, but it absolutely leans very YA (by which I mean I haven’t read someone sticking out their tongue so often since fanfiction in 2010 but also the cadence of the writing/narration is very bright and young and often immature). I just cannot pinpoint why the formatting chosen for this novel didn’t work for me. It flips from a close third following Cleo, to old Providence I reports and private messages, to a [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS] perspective rapidly within each chapter. Usually I love having multiple weird perspectives, but I think there was a lack of separation, especially at the beginning, that got under my skin as a reader.

Probably the biggest issue I had over all was honestly a marketing problem where huge parts of what the plot of this book is about were fully left out of any synopsis I read before or after. I was honestly so excited to read this book (between sapphic space heist, the title, and the cover I was so sold) and I’d have never requested it if I’d known that it contained a plot point (plot gimmick, trope, ??) that I almost always dislike. For the record, it’s a totally fine plot point/trope and doesn’t require a content warning of any kind, I’m only not being explicitly clear about what I’m talking about here because they chose to leave it out of their marketing and I’m writing this review before the book is actually out. I’m trying so hard to avoid spoilers. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not holding marketing decisions against Hamilton, it’s just super frustrating in general.

I feel like I’m being so negative when I don’t necessarily mean to be. This debut was not all bad. Not in the slightest. I can recognize that it wasn’t meant for me. It didn’t focus on what I wanted it to and I went in with all the wrong expectations. It’s just that as someone who often reads reviews before I pick a book up, I want to get all the reasons I wasn’t 5-star in love with this out of the way first.

So now for some of the things done right: There’s what I can see being a solid romance here and beautiful found family dynamics. I enjoyed the diversity and the different places each character was coming from and how easy it was to distinguish where their priorities differed. There’s action sequences that fully drew me in. I love the inclusion of multimedia bits, especially the ones that give new information from an unexpected direction (I mean, the one that’s very clearly the abstract for a scientific article? So good!). There are ideas and themes here that I absolutely adore, like how far people will go for those they love and how easily power can corrupt an ideal and just the messy business of still having growing to do into your twenties and thirties and probably forever. I can absolutely see this book being loved. Truly and fully.

I’m just so utterly bitter that it couldn’t work for me.

[I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own. Huge thanks to NetGalley and Harper Voyager for this eARC.]

[mr880fan]

A Prayer for a Heart Full of Worship - Your Daily Prayer - October 22

A Prayer for a Heart Full of Worship By Emily Rose Massey  “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17, NIV). What does it mean to give God glory? The word “glory” bears with it the idea of the greatness of splendor of God as it pertains to the Old Testament. In the New Testament, the word “glory” is translated to mean “honor, dignity, worship, and praise.” When we put the two together, we see that glorifying God means acknowledging His greatness and giving Him all the worship honor, and thanksgiving in all that we do and say. God’s glory is the essence of His nature- we bring Him glory when we revel in His divine essence. How often are we consumed with mundane activities that we forget who we are doing them for? I believe if we lose the motivation that we are doing it to glorify God, we are prone to grumbling and complaining, much like the children of Israel. We become ungrateful, and our hearts begin to grow hard and cold toward God. We begin to simply “go through the motions” in life, and soon we are looking to other things to satisfy a longing in our soul that only living a God-glorifying life can satisfy. We were made to worship God, and He gave us the gifts and abilities in which to do that every day. In Colossians 3:17, the apostle Paul sends an encouragement in his letter to the Church as Colossae: “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (NIV). He was reminding the Colossians that their ultimate purpose on this earth was to give God glory by showing God’s love walking in peace with one another and doing all things with a heart full of gratitude and worship unto the Lord. Worship simply means “ascribing worth.” It is what/who you give your time, your devotion, your affection, your finances, your heart, your praise, and thanksgiving. We have all been created to worship. Ultimately our Creator, but since the fall, many people worship creation and/or themselves. This is idolatry, which is sinful. Worship is not just singing to the Lord or playing music unto Him (although that's important); It is making it a priority in our life to spend time with Him in the Word and in prayer daily. Worship is denying yourself and saying "yes" to God every single moment of your life- walking in obedience by God’s grace through the power of the Holy Spirit. Every time we obey God and say "yes" to Him, we give Him glory. When we love God with all that we are, our hearts can't help but overflow with His love for others by sharing the Gospel with them or pointing them to His truth to know Him more. Worship is a daily lifestyle. We can worship God in the simplest ways just by doing whatever it is just for Him and with a good attitude. Let us ask the Lord to help us daily have a heart full of worship so that He may receive all the glory through our lives. Let’s pray: Father God, I know it is easy to get stuck in the routine of life and forget why we are here on this earth or who we are living for. Our flesh wants us to walk in pride and boast of our own strength and abilities, but we know that You are the One who gives us the breath in our lungs and our talents and abilities. Help me remember to stay humble and point others to you in my words and deeds. Holy Spirit, would You please fill my heart with gratitude so that I can give You the worship You deserve? I want to glorify God in all things. Please help me embrace the “less of me and more of You” mentality and walk in obedience daily, looking to You for grace and strength so that others may learn how to love You as I love You. You are so good and faithful, Father. In Jesus’ name, amen. Photo credit: iStock/Getty Images Plus/fcscafeine Stock footage Soundstripe.com & Photo Canva.com 

Emily Massey began writing short stories and poetry as a little girl, entered the blogging world in her early 20s, and published her first book in 2015. She enjoys being a stay-at-home momma while still being able to pursue her passion as a writer. Believing she has been forgiven much, she loves much and desires to point others to Christ and His redemptive and transforming power, especially by sharing the truth found in God’s written Word. If you would like to connect with Emily, you can visit www.emilyrosemassey.com Teach Us to Pray is a FREE prayer podcast hosted by iBelieve writer Christina Patterson. Each week, she gives you practical, real-life tips on how to grow your faith and relationship with God through the power of prayer. To listen to her episode on What to Pray in the Morning for a Worry-Free Day, click below!

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