#life is good but I do wish I was married.
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𓅨 The Endless’ Adventure with Animal Control: Chapter One
The Endless’ Adventure with Animal Control: You are being courted by Morpheus, one of the seven Endless. Then you get stood up on your date, and find out the shocking reason why.
Warnings: None.
To Note: Morpheus x Reader, Destiny = Russian Blue, Death = Sphinx, Dream = Mainecoon, Desire = Bombay, Despair = Exotic Shorthair, Delirium = Bengal.
Word Count: ~3.4k
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Apparently, having an Endless ‘court’ you means being showered with attention, gifts, and being treated like royalty while visiting the Dreaming. A quick Google search makes your situation clear. Courting is basically dating with the intention to marry, the step before engagement. So, you’ve essentially told Dream of the Endless he could court you and potentially marry you. Wow, you really have a knack for getting yourself into situations!
On the bright side, you enjoy the intimate time spent with Morpheus as he shows you places within the Dreaming you’d never imagined. Despite all the ethereal beauty and wonder you gaze at, Morpheus always keeps his eyes on you. That makes you feel special, beautiful, and seen—a first in your life.
It’s also an ego boost for the Endless to watch you fawn over his creations, as there’s nothing you don’t find awe-inspiring or amazing.
Morpheus’ courtship sweeps you up in a romantic swirl of magical dreams, picnics, and strolls, making you feel like you’re living a never-ending fairytale. But fairytales always end, right? You don’t think it’s going to crash and burn; you’re just suspicious of how well things are going in your life. Nothing has ever been this smooth and easy for this long. You’re suspicious, to say the least. That’s how you find yourself absentmindedly stirring muffin batter while lost in thought.
“Hey, uh, Y/N?” Matthew chitters, his head cocking to the side. “I think you’re over-stirring the batter…” You blink out of your tumultuous thoughts and glance down at the bowl. Damn it.
“It’s banana muffins,” you mutter, trying to hype yourself up. “They’re forgiving… right?” Matthew has no idea if banana muffins are forgiving, as he doesn’t bake, but he remembers that over-stirring muffin batter is a kitchen no-no.
“No idea, but sure, they’ll taste good either way,” the raven replies from his perch on the window sill. You installed a little bird perch for him after Morpheus began courting you. Matthew cocks his head further at you while you spoon the batter into the muffin tray. “So, you’ve been really lost in your thoughts lately, Y/N. Something wrong?”
You don’t reply at first, choosing to collect your thoughts while spooning dollops of batter. With a more than necessary drawn-out soft sigh, you finally reply:
“I feel like I’m in a fairy tale,” you explain almost numbly, realizing that admitting your thoughts out loud makes them true. “A stupid Disney fairy tale where all my wishes and dreams come true.”
Listening to your softly spoken words, Matthew is confused by how down you seem about those words. You’re happy with your life, right? It sure seems like it with the way you smile when Morpheus is with you—you practically glow! Clearly, everything isn’t fine in reality.
“What’s wrong with that?” Matthew broaches, ruffling his wings. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Fairy tales come to an end, Matthew, and I’m starting to wonder when mine will do the same.” You reply with a shrug, setting aside the now empty bowl and grabbing the filled muffin tray. “I’m not going to pretend that this is going to last forever. Nothing in my life has ever been without problems or heartbreak.”
“What exactly are you saying? Things are going too well between you and the boss man?”
“Pretty much,” you say, putting the tray in the oven and setting the timer. “I mean, do you know what it means to court someone? It isn’t dating, Matthew.”
“Uh, you’re gonna have to clarify for me because I have no idea what courting even is…” the raven responds sheepishly. You lean back against the kitchen counter and stare out the window.
“It means you get to know someone with the intention of marriage,” you explain to the raven, feeling silly for even saying the words. In what dimension would an Endless want to marry you?
“Wow, boss, you’re really going for it,”
Sitting on the park bench where you’ve spent countless hours next to a certain brooding man, your jaw clenches and fingers grip the worn wood tightly. Morpheus is never late. In fact, it always seems like he waits for you to arrive. He’s always careful never to have you wait on him and extends every chance he has to spend more time with you. So why isn’t he at your meeting place today?
Perhaps something has come up in the Dreaming, and he had to tend to that incident first? No, Matthew would have come to inform you of such an event. You spend many of your waking hours in the raven’s presence, and he keeps you well informed about what’s going on in the Dreaming. They wouldn’t leave you sitting all by yourself on this bench wondering...
“Maybe I was right,” you softly speak to yourself, thinking back to the conversation you had with Matthew about how your life is a fairy tale. Perhaps this is the great end you’ve been expecting? No, Morpheus wouldn’t do that to you. He dotes on you like a loyal boyfriend and worships the ground you tread! If you and he were going to end your relationship, no doubt it would be an explosive event with anger and tears. Not this nothingness. “They wouldn’t do this to me, they wouldn’t do this to us.”
You repeat those words in your mind, trying to convince yourself that nothing is wrong and that, for once, Morpheus and Matthew are distracted by something to miss your bi-weekly date at the park. Tonight you’ll enter the Dreaming and hunt down Lucienne to find out what happened. An Endless hellbent on courting you like a queen wouldn’t ghost you.
Sighing in dejection, you rise from your seat and stuff your hands in your pockets. Clearly, your date is going to have to be postponed. So you turn and slowly begin walking back towards your home, trying not to let your mind turn upon itself. Following the winding path, you pass a group of children kicking around a soccer ball and a pair of gossiping women. The pathway bends around a group of trees that obscure the rest of the park, and while you glance at a flowering bush, a cacophony of birds and breaking branches startles you out of your inner thoughts. You look up in time to see a black mass of ruffled feathers shooting directly at you and take the bird straight in the chest.
Obviously, you fall on your ass with a less-than-graceful yelp. While your palms sting from rocks and gravel digging into your flesh, you grunt and shift into a sitting position as the black bird rights itself.
“We’ve got a MASSIVE problem, boss lady!!” Matthew thunders from where he’s still perched in your lap, feathers askew and very ruffled. You blink at him in surprise, wondering why the hell he would be pulling such a stunt in broad daylight around the public. But before the flustered raven can tell you exactly what’s going on and why it’s such a huge problem, your phone’s ringtone goes off.
“Hold that thought, let me get off the ground and check my phone. It might be work…” Moving Matthew so he’s perched on your shoulder instead of your lap, you pull yourself to your feet and slip your phone from your pocket. The moment your eyes glance at the screen, your brow furrows. “Why on earth would they be calling?”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you!” Matthew all but shrieks in your ear. “The boss is a cat again!” Dear sweet Jesus, not again! At least the animal shelter has your number on file and is calling you. Accepting the call, you hold the phone to your ear while speed-walking home.
“Hello?”
“Hello! We are calling you to inform you that we have picked up your cat Morpheus after he was found at the scene of an accident with other felines. We suspect that someone might have been trafficking purebreds given the conditions he and the others were found in. We’ll give him a once-over before you take him home.”
Well, no wonder he hadn’t shown up for your date!
Never mind that, brain. Morpheus is a cat again and possibly mixed up in animal trafficking? You need to get over to that shelter pronto!
“I’ll be right over as soon as I get home,” you promise before ending the call.
“Boss lady to the rescue,” Matthew sighs in relief. “I’ve been trying to bust him and the others out for at least two hours, but I got chased off.” The raven explains. “You have no idea how despondent the boss was when he realized he was going to miss your date. Thought he was going to start crying… can cats cry?”
“No idea and I do not want to find out.” You muse, crossing the street and setting your eyes on your front door. You unlock the door and throw yourself into your home, searching for your car keys. “Stay here while I handle this. It shouldn’t take long since they’ve dealt with him before.”
“Well, yeah,” Matthew agrees, coasting to his perch. “But what about his—” you’re already out the door, the wood slamming shut behind you. You know Morpheus isn’t in any danger of being neutered by the staff, but you do know he isn’t too keen on being touched and prodded while being examined. The last thing you want is for him to get injured a second time while in cat form… which makes you wonder how the hell this happened a second time!
Your boyfriend has a lot of explaining to do. Boyfriend. Gripping the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip, you stare at the red light holding you in place, wondering when you began to think of him as your boyfriend. It makes sense; he is courting you. Has been for several months. But you’d never put a name to your relationship like that, just worried that things were going too well.
“It was a cat that got me into this, and a cat that will probably get me out of this,” you sigh to yourself, pressing the accelerator when the light finally turns green. The only question is, how long are you going to have to wait this time? Hours? Days? Are you going to wake up in bed with him naked again? You wouldn’t complain about that if it did happen again. But seriously, Morpheus really needs to stop getting stuck in cat form because once was excusable but twice is just ridiculous. Especially for an all-powerful Endless.
While you aren’t feeling as stressed as you did the first time entering the animal shelter, you’re still jittery about the idea of an Endless confined in a feline form. Trotting up to the desk, you give the receptionist a smile and tell her that you’re there to pick up Morpheus.
“He’s in back with the other five cats. Follow me,” she says. You do as told, following the receptionist to the back of the clinic and to a room marked ‘holding.’ The moment the door is opened and you step inside, your eyes zero in on the large form of your boyfriend currently sulking in a corner while a gorgeous Bengal bounces off the walls with energy near him. They couldn’t be more opposite! Letting out a breath of relief, you take a step forward, ignoring the dark-bodied Sphinx that trots up to you and sniffs your jeans.
“Morpheus?” you call softly, not wanting to spoil his mood further. Azure eyes settle on you, and in less than a second, the Black Maine Coon is launching himself at you. “Oh jeez,” you exclaim, awkwardly catching the flying form of your boyfriend as he latches onto you with his nails and instantly begins rubbing his face everywhere he can. “Mor—Morpheus, is this… is this really necessary?” you question, pulling away from his nuzzles. A rumble sounds in his body.
They must know you are mine.
You have no idea what he’s talking about, let alone who ‘they’ are. Perhaps the other cats? Your eyes glance around the small room as you hug Morpheus to your chest to support his weight. Obviously, there’s the energetic Bengal and the dark Sphinx, but a black cat with the most peculiar golden eyes lounges on a table observing you while what you think is an Exotic Shorthair lazes about. Finally, your eyes catch sight of a looming body perched on top of a bookshelf, glossy blue-gray fur shimmering in the light while an eyeless gaze stares into your soul.
Holy fuck.
“Family,” you whisper faintly, realizing what this is. The whole Endless family has been turned into cats. Destruction is clearly not here, he’s been missing for a long time, but the six remaining siblings are all accounted for. “How—how did this happen??”
I am afraid we cannot speak of what took place, beloved.
Morpheus’ words draw your gaze from the sightless, but not unseeing, Destiny. You look at him with panic in your eyes.
“Morpheus, Morpheus I am not—” You cut yourself off when a worker pops in.
“Hello! You must be Morpheus’ owner! We’re so glad to reunite him with you after the accident. We haven’t been able to identify the owners of the others, but they are obviously well-fed and cared for…” You speak before you can think your words through.
“They’re all mine,” you blurt out. “The cats. I mean, I’m not a crazy cat lady, I just… love cats…” You ramble as your face heats up, but the worker doesn’t even blink at your claim. The Sphinx obediently sits at your feet, looking up at you. The Bombay gets to its feet, stretches, and jumps down to the floor to get closer, and the Russian Blue, who has been the most aloof, gracefully leaps to the floor and joins the Sphinx. Clearly, they know you and are comfortable with you. “It’s complicated.” You finally sputter out.
“Just means a little extra paperwork, but we are glad to see that they have a loving home to go back to,” the worker replies. “We were real worried about a bunch of families missing their cats.”
“Nope,” you say in a high-pitched voice, cringing on the inside because you clearly need to calm down. “All mine, and clearly I need to make sure to fix whatever they used to get out.”
“I’ll go grab the paperwork and get the cardboard boxes ready. Hang tight,” she says, leaving you alone in the room with six of the most powerful beings in creation, all stuck in cat form.
“Someone better start speaking because this is above my pay grade,” you state, turning back to gaze at Morpheus’ siblings. This is not how you pictured meeting them. You never expected to meet them in the first place! “I—Let’s just be clear that I am a mortal human, and I do not play around with supernatural bullshit on the regular.”
That is understandable; this must be quite a shock for you, Y/N. You look down at the Sphinx, hearing a gentle female voice coming from that direction.
“Great, so I have no idea who is who except I can guess who is Destiny.” The Sphinx blinks at you, and you could swear you receive the cat version of a smile. Meanwhile, Morpheus is still rubbing his face everywhere he can reach.
I am Death, and I am pleased to meet the one who holds my brother's heart.
“Do Endless even have a heart to be held?” you wonder aloud.
Not a physical one. This time, the voice is suave and silky, drawing a low rumbling growl from deep within Morpheus. He pulls away from your neck, where he had been furiously rubbing his scent, and settles his gaze on his sibling.
Do not meddle with my beloved, Desire. Desire, the gorgeous Bombay, doesn’t even bother to bat an eyelash at the hostility in Morpheus’ voice and words.
Oh big brother, must you be so protective? It’s not every day that we get to meet the one who currently holds your attention. You can’t help but flinch at that wording. Hold his attention. Is that all you’re doing? You’ve heard bits and pieces of Morpheus’ past lovers, and by far, you’re the plainest. But you also know about Desire and their love for stirring shit up in the family.
“Desire, I presume?” you ask, stroking Morpheus’ body in an effort to calm him down before a full-on cat fight breaks out in this room. His hackles are already raised.
A pleasure. You must meet my twin; we’ve been ever so curious about you. Twin. Despair, the Exotic Shorthair, who is almost as sulky as Morpheus but barely makes any effort to move from where she lounges. That must mean…
“So you must be Delirium,” you surmise, turning your gaze to the Bengal that’s exploring the room and getting distracted by every little thing she comes across. “I didn’t exactly expect to meet you all like this, but I guess this is what was in the cards?” Your eyes glance down at the silent, eyeless Russian Blue. It’s a little creepy to look at him, but you can’t deny his beauty. Which is odd to think because he’s currently a cat. A cat with no eyes.
This is as planned. That’s a relief to know. Destiny, after all, sees everything. But still, how long is this going to last?
“Okay, and how long should I expect you all to be like this? If you can even tell me about that…”
Not for long, beloved. Morpheus reassures you, only taking solace in the fact that you won’t be subjected to his sibling’s noxious presence for very long. A few days at most.
“A few days, I can do that,” you breathe out, steeling yourself for a few tense days before everything returns to normal. You hug Morpheus to your chest for comfort, which the Endless certainly is pleased about, until the small cardboard boxes arrive to package up the cats for transport.
Morpheus’ ears go flat on his head, and a soft rumble emerges from his throat. Desire slips far away from you, clearly understanding what’s going to happen. Destiny, Death, and Despair wouldn’t care about being shut in the cat carriers, but Dream, Desire, and Delirium are probably going to be another story!
“The quicker you get into the carriers, the faster we can get home, and the faster you can get out of the carriers,” you announce to the cat Endless. The cardboard carriers are lined up, and you’re happy to see that Destiny and Death don’t hesitate to walk over and climb in one—they’re sensible enough. Desire glares at the boxes in disdain but ultimately sulks over, calling for his twin at the same time. All that’s left are Dream and Delirium.
Delirium is still bouncing off the walls and playing with every little thing she can get her paws on before getting distracted by another object… and Morpheus is still covering you in his scent and refusing to ease his claws out of your shirt.
“Morpheus, my love, box,” you chide him while peeling his claws from your shirt. “I need to get Delirium into a box before she gets out of the room and we have to chase her down.” Your boyfriend couldn’t look more pathetic than he does when you place his massive body in the extra-large box and close it up. Sighing, you stand up and look at Delirium.
She’s currently pawing at the space beneath a storage cabinet. Something has caught her attention.
“Delirium?” you call, and the Bengal turns towards you, revealing one blue and one green eye. “It’s time to go to my home. You can play around there as much as you want.” The youngest Endless blinks at you, and for a moment, you think she’s going to ignore your words and go back to bouncing off walls… but she runs over to you, full of energy, and launches herself into the box with an excited meow. “Thank you.”
With the six cats boxed up neatly, a worker helps place them on a rolling cart to make transport easy. Of course, you have to fill out paperwork for each of your five new ‘cats,’ but with Morpheus already in their system, it’s not that long of a process. While you finish up the last bits of paperwork, the cats are loaded into your car, and with a profuse apology on your part, you scurry to your car to get the Endless back to your home.
Date Published: 11/13/24
Last Edit: 11/13/24
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#dream of the endless#the sandman#dream of the endless x reader#the sandman netflix#lord morpheus#dream the endless#dream the endless x reader#sandman x reader#morpheus x reader#morpheus
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My deepest, darkest shame as a feminist, is that I sometimes daydream of a "normal" life (normal as in what the heteronormative society consider that to be)
Im nearing 30 and have never had a partner and I feel so incredibly lonely. I think I would be better if I had a strong female circle, but most of my friends are in relationships; they are moving in with their partners, getting married, having children and I realized that I will never ever again be a priority in their lives.
I know I wont ever be a mother, and that I probably will never be a wife, but I cant help of wish that I was able to just have live that normal life that everyone else around me is living.
Its hard to prioritize the women in your life and a life without men, when those women wont do the same.
I understand how you feel and the biggest way to escape isolation is to not be around men, or women who belong to men. And when I say that, it’s not about women who are in relationships, it’s in their mindset. Even women who have been single for years can be boy crazy, it’s super toxic and will make you feel lonelier than even being alone.
Finding women that prioritize themselves and other women and cultivating that network will help so much. For me, outdoor activities like surfing or female hiking groups were the best places to find these women, but you can tailor it to your interests.
I also thought maybe I should try living a normal life and wondered if I’d be happier, a few years ago. Met a great looking man, started dating, met his family, got along well with him… still wasn’t happy. Still felt alone in conversations with him, and could tell he’d never understand me in the way that I needed to be understood. Sometimes what is appealing is only so because it seems far away and unattainable. Once you finally have it… it loses its luster. Hope you find a way to build your life in a way that cultivates the most growth and happiness for you, I’m rooting for ya girl! ❤️ No one has it figured out but we just need to keep trying and what is good for us will stick
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take me back to the night we met - Thomas Shelby x reader
divider by @firefly-graphics
word count 1,028
angst warning
the frosted air seeped into the thin building, grasping for any warmth the coat could savour. the unapologetic echoing sound of her shoes dug into the ever so slightly rotting wood. she walked into the common seating area seeing not one ounce of life, no colour or warmth precent, not since he walked out that night.
she picked up a smug glass filled a quarter way with only the finest Irish whiskey, now sat warm and untouched, like milk that children would leave out as a offering to the joyful idea of cheer and warmth.
if she listened hard enough she swore she could hear the glass laughing at her, in some fitful attempt to ease her growing pain the glass was discarded to the ground. the echoing shatter was silenced by the harsh rain that was thundering on to the small house that dared not to be called a home.
she watched the splatter of whiskey wet the floor disapproving, she scoffed at the sight hearing his voice rang though her head
"don't waste that, its expensive" tommy scolded the girl, as she screwed her nose up in disgust at the unwelcoming taste of the whiskey, already regretting the moment she requested something differing from her usual rum
"you drink this voluntarily? tommy darling no" the girl laughed as she pushed the glass to him waving henry over as he already served her the drink she frequented
the girl scoffed at the burning memory "fuck him" she muttered walking to the front door opening it and peering outside to ensure no one from that wretched family was around, though she quickly remembered what day it was
Thomas fucking Shelby's wedding day, to Grace, the girl who betrayed his trust and family times over
she looked up willing the tears to stay in place as she emptied her mailbox hurried as she ventured back inside to avoid the harsh weather, and to hide the tears soaking her once pleasantly made face
she wiped her eyes smudging any resemblance of looking pretty out the door, she picked the letters up seeing they were all from the same last name. the name that haunted her dreams and days. she couldn't run fast enough to escape that name.
you are formally invited to the joining of Thomas Shelby and Grace Burgess, please come to the address listed at 11 in the morning to see the beauty of love and compassion. you are formally invited by the groom
she ripped the letter up into pieces as she saw the familiar writing of a typewriter, though a genius was never needed to know she wrote the letter , she felt as if a scream was crawling up her throat. eyes stinging with burning hatred and betrayal but she forced herself to read the second letter
i expect you to be there y/n, its foolish the game you're playing. if you do not attend count yourself excluded from the Shelby's protection
she let out a small wail but swallowed the bulk of it 'im sorry tommy' . she wished she could have been there for him, see him dressed so beautifully, though she doubted he dressed any differently from usual, always so well evened. it was one aspect she adored of the man who could be described so negatively
the women felt her legs buckled under the weight of her emotions as she laid curled on the floor
"was i never good enough? i waited tommy, i watched my tommy disappear into the dark calculated man i swore i would still forever love" the woman clutched her eyes closed wanting to escape from the harsh reality of the love of her life getting married to a woman that was never going to be her
"take me back tommy, please just take me back to the night we met when you held me so tightly, back when war didn't plague your memories and when my heart was mended by your presence" she cried softly picturing the soft memories that grew between to two, the women never wished for a man any different that he, though he wished for better than her, better than the woman would ever give him.
little did the woman know whilst she laid on the ground, the man who owned her heart watched his side of the church fill with his family and closest people though he noticed, as always, she wasn't present. he watched polly meet his sight and shook her head discreetly, though he caught it. whilst he claimed grace will be the one who evaded him long enough and that she would be the one he was made to be with, his demeanour straightened up hiding his disappointment skilfully with years of practice
he wished she was here, maybe she would beg for him. maybe she would ruin his wedding night if only it meant that she craved him.
whilst the night went on, love went high, he knew he would forever regret the day he told her he didn't need her anymore, because even if he didn't need to rely on anyone but himself he knew deep down that she was forever his safety away from the memories of war and death, but he gave up on that. he couldn't expect her to beg for him back.
chaos followed the next few years, heartbreak rained on him as he lost over and over to the point where he though he was numb to the decision thrown at him until the day he got that letter. the damned letter than showed Thomas Shelby that he will forever feel the pain of his loss
you are hereby formally invited to the wedding of y/n l/n and Louis Windsor, please come to the address printed below for a beautiful noon wedding, you are formally invited by the bride
that very letter stabbed him though the heart in a way that he had never experienced, at that second he understood the reason she never came to his wedding.
if only he had the confidence to do the very thing he wished she would have done the day he married.
#thomas shelby#thomas shelby x reader#x reader#angst#x reader angst#long fic#peaky blinders#r-riri#peaky blinders x reader#tommy x reader#tommy shelby x reader#angst no comfort
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Currently hoping that Jack doesn't hold a grudge for what Joke did for more than 10 minutes and if he does I'm gonna need someone to point out his hypocrisy. They've ALL done things they didn't want to or caused consequences that they didn't foresee out of desperation. As much as I don't like Rose, he did purposely lead her on with the intention of marrying her pet Boss's wishes in order to get the money to pay for his grandma's hospital bills. While I don't think she's genuinely in love, she COULD have been and Jack went ahead with it for his own selfish reasons. Out of everyone he should understand doing what you need to out of love. I understand being upset in the heat of the moment especially when Toi Ting's life possibly hanging in the balance but they better not have him cut Joke out after everything calms down. Joke could not have seen any of this coming. Even ROSE thought she could go to her dad and have him help. If Rose, who hangs out in Four Horsemen meetings, didn't know how powerful getting the ring would make Boss, then Joke couldn't have known either. I'm just hoping the show doesn't suddenly make Jack see things in black and white when they've done such a good job so far showing that everything is actually some shade of grey. These aren't bad people that do bad things for fun(Hope...being an exception cuz that man does get far too much enjoyment from beating people up). They are stuck in a bad situation and doing things to survive as best they can. A holier than thou Jack is just not interesting at this point.
#jack and joker#jack and joker the series#jack & joker#i was going somewhere with this idk if i got there
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there's a bit of a rush towards the evening. zuko sighs and gets up to go and help katara. iroh sends his nephew off with a pat on the back, watching as he nearly effortlessly slips back into waiting tables. zuko is himself again, but iroh fears he may never be entirely free of lee. he will do what he can to help, iroh thinks.
he turns to his son.
his new beard and mustache do not suit him, iroh thinks. they were grown by a much different man, in earth kingdom style. lu ten catches his eye and gives him a faint smile even as he strokes them. he'd felt compelled to grow them after being brainwashed. a suggestion from the dai li, perhaps, to help mask his face. he supposes he'll have to shave, if he's to return to the fire nation to become his heir.
iroh embraces his son again.
it has been seven years, iroh thinks. seven years since he last saw lu ten. all this time, he'd thought he was dead. now his son was here, in front of him- alive and well. and married, apparently! i heard you invited zuko to the ceremony, but you must tell me about it. and about your husband! lu ten sheepishly rubs the back of his neck, but he does not hesitate to divulge.
min-su was a lot like me, lu ten tells him, i would have picked him too. except...
he trails off. he does not need to finish. if the siege had succeeded, lu ten would have not ended up this way. he also never would have met the man he'd shared no insignificant part of his life with. he would be different. they all would be different.
"i'm glad we lost," lu ten says, "-but i'm sorry you had to go through that, father."
iroh pats his back. he is grateful they lost as well. it opened his eyes to things he had refused to see before. lu ten nods, his gaze drifting towards the main shop just in time to see zuko trying to pull out a wayward toddler from underneath a table, as katara giggles and holds up the tablecloth. the expression he sees on his nephew's face as he emerges is not one iroh has seen before.
it has nothing and everything to do with the ordeal he went through.
they speak in length. lu ten tells him of his life as min-su. how he'd thought of himself as a refugee who had gotten himself in a bit of trouble with the dai li, and how he'd been determined to turn over a new leaf upon being released. he'd signed up for a position as a guard first thing that morning, apparently. it was good, steady work-
-until the fire nation had invaded.
"really gives you a new perspective on things," lu ten says, "-being earth kingdom. living through that."
lu ten is quiet after that. iroh can tell he's thinking. eventually he stands up, and starts helping him make tea. he'd taught his son years ago, but he'd never thought he'd get the chance to make tea with him again. seven years is a long time to live as another person, but they fall into step together regardless.
but lu ten had not been as lost as zuko had been.
"i wish i'd seen it," lu ten whispers, "-maybe i could have done something. i recognized you. why couldn't i recognize him?"
iroh puts his hand on his shoulder and shakes his head. it is not his fault. you had not seen zuko since he was a child. his father had not yet burned him then. he is just glad the two of you found each other regardless. he looks at his son and wonders what it was like, meeting a member of his own family anew.
he would rather not find out the answer.
the evening rush trickles down, and the jasmine dragon's closing hour arrived. iroh cannot lie- he enjoyed acting as its owner once more. but he knows he cannot return here. he has already been away from the fire nation for too long. he must return home.
lu ten bows to him, and bids him goodnight.
iroh looks at his son, but he understands. min-su had a life here. even if lu ten does not intend to return to it, he cannot simply disappear. he must go home to his husband. must figure out his next step. iroh tells him that he and zuko plan to leave for the fire nation next week. lu ten promises he will be there.
it is hard, watching his son leave.
but this time, iroh knows he will return to him.
the taste of the tea is familiar.
min-su frowns, and stares at his cup. he knows this flavor, but he's never been to this tea shop before. he never would have thought of coming to a tea shop in the upper ring if lee hadn't invited him. he'd been worried sick about the kid recently. he kept disappearing and reappearing- moving away suddenly, without warning.
he looks up at lee. something is... different about him.
it's just the short hair. or maybe it's the way he's stopped hiding his scar. it had churned his gut the first time he saw it. he'd wondered how anyone could do that to a kid- and he'd been relieved to learn later that it was just from an accident. he wasn't so sure why he'd been convinced someone had done it to him on purpose.
(he always expected lee to hate his father.)
min-su asks if he can meet the brewer. the tea is delicious he says. lee nods and leads him to the back. he's not smiling, for once. his expression is serious. it's not like him, min-su can't help but think. it's very much like him, he also thinks.
min-su stops dead in his tracks at the sight of the old man in the kitchen. he... knows this man from somewhere, some part of him thinks, even though they've never met. the man meets his eyes, and tears flow down his cheeks.
he calls him lu ten.
min-su feels cool hands pressed up against his skull- and then slowly, groggily, lu ten wakes up. it's like being dragged out of a frozen pond after being trapped in there for a long time. for a few moments, he doesn't remember how to move his body. then his father has thrown his arms around him and the spell breaks.
"father," lu ten says, "-what are you doing here?"
here is ba sing se. the siege failed. lu ten was captured. he was taken underneath a lake, and a different man using his body had walked back out. he called himself min-su, and found work as a guard. he was a good earth kingdom man, loyal to the earth king and the dai li. he fought for his country. he'd fallen in love with a metalworker and had married him. his favorite tea shop was a place called the lotus blossom...
...his favorite tea server was a young boy named lee.
lee. agni. zuko.
"father, zuko-"
"is fine," zuko says from behind him- then makes a face and wiggles his fingers, "-ish."
the waterbender just nods her head in solemn agreement. lu ten wonders if he's supposed to know her too. he's pretty sure she did something to heal his head. he looks at his cousin- and then extends an arm to him. zuko rolls his eyes in a very un-lee-like way, but he lets him drag them into the hug.
he'll find out a bit later exactly what happened to him. he'd been brainwashed. years later, his uncle and zuko come to the city as refugees- and zuko would help his sister take it down from the inside, only to be doublecrossed by her. zuko had been brainwashed too, but his was far worse than lu ten's had been.
the war was over. the fire nation had been defeated. his father now sat on the fire lord's throne, after having it taken from him by his uncle. he no longer wished for war- only peace. and lu ten, who had lived for seven years as a good earth kingdom man, could look back and see the futility and cruelness of it all.
...agni. how was he supposed to tell his husband this?
#lee from the tea shop#not pictured: lu ten's terribly awkward conversation with his husband. i like to think they work it out. bc i believe in love#also. lu ten cutting himself shaving#it's been awhile since he's done a clean shave! he's out of practice!#lu ten: i kind of miss the beard actually#(zuko staring at him like he's grown a second head)
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I turn 31 tomorrow
#crazy times#I always thought it’d be so sad to not be married in my 30s 😐#life is good but I do wish I was married.#hopefully in a couple years :)
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there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to
#i wish people understood that it's so hard to be present in their lives and that closeness for me isnt about frequency of contact#but how open we feel during that contact#my brain is such a difficult place to live in it is so loud and so busy all the time#24 hours a day is a constant monologue and argument with myself for everything and it means that i just dont have the capacity to talk to#others most of the time#and like. i know this is so unreasonable. obviously we have to be present in the lives of people that care for us#but it just feels like every day i have to like. get on a stage and perform to every person in my life that cares about me so i can meet the#criteria of being a Good Friend or Good Girlfriend or Good Fan Artist or Good Mutual or Good Server Member#i feel like it is such a blessing to be seen by others as someone to expect things from#but as more people have started to love me it feels like i have to 'go out and perform' more and more and i am very exhausted#i wish i was someone that was easy to love and care for in the way that i am. and i dont mean that self deprecatingly it's just#i know im very hard to care about and love. because i disappear all the time and come back in a big flurry as soon as i get the energy back#and im just feeling it a Lot More lately because im starting to think this isnt going to be a short term thing i have to do before i start#feeling comfortable with a person#this is going to be my whole life#if i get married im going to have to 'go out and perform' and be a good wife and be affectionate and happy and not closed into my own brain#for days#if im going to make friends with colleagues I'll have to go out when they invite me and have to reply ro their texts and i cant just go#silent for weeks while i try to negotiate with my thoughts and then reappear once i make the slightest breakthrough#im very tired and sad. i want companionship but i feel like the kind of person i am is not fair for people who would be my companion#vent post#♡alizeh talks♡
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Not only have several of my former classmates gotten married, just found out that now one is having a kid?? 😭😭 just reiterating: i cant believe some people my age are doing that dklsldls. Where do they find time to work/study AND develop intricate crown prince rudolf headcanons once they do that
#married people and parents still have hobbies yadda yadda. you dont need to tell me that kslsld its a joke#its interesting how strong an emotional reaction of Otherness i have to these types of news dkkdld. like its always 'good for them but i#dont think i could ever want this'#i mean im not opposed to gay marriage in my future depending on how life plays out but i would not want to do it to 'settle down' i think#dont necessarily want a big house a garden a golden retriever or a car 😭#and def no kids#i guess its partly a reaction to kind of.... idk at a younger age more people are more 'restless' like me and then many change their minds#so its invalidating to be 'left alone' when you used to have allies who could relate to your life choices/wishes haha#i think being gay complicates this... i used to think it was a blessing for making it less of an expectation but actually turns out soooo#many girls on dating apps and online have or really want kids 😭 and i'm just like. good for you but this doesnt work for me#ugh anyway yeah. you guys better still be following me for rudolf posting when i'm 45 with a mortgage and an evil day job x#xD#you can take time off from your spouse and kids to log onto tumblr com and look at this shit 🥰🥰 for md ☺️#me*
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Haha I also used the dickless bore. I thought that only the two main characters came back didn't know he did as well. I still don't buy him ever being into her but that's just me I do wonder if he's going to try and kill her again. I do think Li Rong is treating him too well for my liking she should at least treat hit similarly or worse than she treated ML I want to see wet paper towel non stop suffer.
on one hand, imo a SRQ who is heartless doesn't work for the story the writer is trying to share with us. On the other hand, it's totally ok to decide to be a full-time hater towards a minor character, just because it's fun. I support haters! 🎉 \o/ 🎉
One thing that I think is relevant when comparing LR's reactions: if PWX had killed her, the motive would have been as part of his mission to have his childhood love Qin Zhenzhen's son become the next emperor. (Remember, he came over to threaten her life over that right before she died and called his ex Zhenzhen lmao) THE AUDACITY. In contrast, LR is viewing her murder at SRQ's hands as part of the revenge plan for the Su family's execution.
Some passages of Li Rong's POV:
After a few moments, she whispered: “Where did the scent on you come from?”
“If I say it, you might be upset.” Pei Wenxuan’s eyes had a hint of gloating at others’ pain.
Li Rong thought for a while and frowned, “Su Rongqing?”
“Yes.”
...Li Rong said nothing. She blankly stared into the fire.
Pei Wenxuan turned the fish over and looked at her with a smile, seemingly quite happy. Li Rong found that he had a fearless, unabashed look of enjoying a good play and couldn’t help but be a little fazed.
She believed everything Pei Wenxuan said.
---
Su Rongqing was someone that she saved with her own hands.
That year, Prince Su rebelled, and Su Rongqing’s elder brother spoke up for Prince Su. Later on, he was falsely accused of colluding with Prince Su, implicating the Su clan with treason.
At that time, Li Chuan was so furious that he fainted. He put the entire Su clan in prison without going through the Joint Trial of Three Divisions first and put the men to death and the women into exile. She disagreed with this decision and rushed to beg Li Chuan before the Su clan received their sentence. After being subjected to ten planks, with Pei Wenxuan’s intervention, she was finally able to ask for amnesty for the Su clan.
Even if the death sentences can be forgone, it was impossible to escape punishment while still alive. Even though the men of the Su clan could live, they would be subjected to castration. The others couldn’t bear the humiliation, so they all committed suicide in prison. When she arrived, there was only one man “desperate for life and afraid of death” left among the men of the Su clan, Su Rongqing.
At that time, she had told Su Rongqing that she saved him without the intention of asking him to repay her. She could give him silver and a position, so that he could continue to live a good life in the future.
Back then, she didn’t have any special feelings towards Su Rongqing. It was just that he had saved her before, so after he took care of her, bit by bit, she felt grateful, and…vague sentiments towards him.
For the most part, she sought to save the Su clan for Li Chuan and her own conscience. The Su clan was a prominent, noble family. It was difficult for her to sit back and watch if they died in such an ambiguous manner.
At that time, Su Rongqing refused to go.
...It wasn’t that she had never thought that Su Rongqing would not take revenge on her. After all, it was Li Chuan who ordered all the men of the Su clan to be beheaded and exiled all the female family members. It was impossible for anyone to forget this blood feud, let alone the formerly first and most outstanding gongzi of that year?
For so many years, she had never dared to give him real authority, observing him and guarding against him while still trying to help him live a better life. She couldn’t actually kill him because of her own conscience, but she couldn’t actually trust him and give him power.
In the end, he still decided to act. He killed her first, then successfully took her authority in the name of eliminating Pei Wenxuan. If she guessed correctly, he would not leave with the advisors. Instead, he would borrow the excuse of taking revenge for her and enforcing the will of the people to join forces with the Empress, assist Li Xin in ascension, and fight to the death against the remnants of Pei Wenxuan’s faction.
...
She had anticipated this possibility from the moment she took Su Rongqing in, but she couldn’t help feeling a bit regretful when it actually happened.
#honestly i think their relationship is quite interesting#and srq is a tragic character who just suffers 24x7 so no worries there#like just imagine: besides the horrible fate of his family#if he truly had always loved li rong#how cruel that would be#the only chance to be with her was this nightmare#and though they accompanied enough other and had some good memories#she could never trust him and could never return his feelings#and she SHOULDNT trust him#and now he sees no other path available than the one he is on#directly opposed to her and fighting on her enemys side#as he gets to watch her marry pwx again#and be increasingly affectionate together#and realize that this isnt young pwx who is too confused and insecure to have a functional marriage w lr#this is the mature adult who might actually make his beloved happy#and how to even feel about that#cdrama#the princess royal#my personal feelings about SRQ evolved a lot as the story progressed but tbh i still dont know#i feel sorry for him#i cannot sympathize with some of his politics but he is also so damaged that#like LR i guess i feel he must be opposed but i wish he could be saved#LR would say he has his reasons (and he has more reasons than she knows)#now the reveal that they are all from the future is clear#he does not come running to her to explain everything and defend himself#he isnt justifying himself#he actually isnt trying to make this all emotionally harder on her than it has to be#but also i DO consider him as someone who betrayed her#and i dont think he can have a place in her life anymore#(fwiw i get the salt about PWX murdering her: he blew up their marriage over ZZ + now warring w her at court over ZZ kid + kills her for it)
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And so the big sskk shortage begins (no sskk for the next 15 episodes) (and the sskk episode coming after kind of sucks)
#Hhhhhh this is such a good episode.#I don't have any particular strong feeling for Fukuzawa nor Ranpo but this is a very good episode.#The pacing is great the tension and ease are well distributed as much as action and exposition are.#The animation is spectacular and detailed. The drawings beautiful. The imperfect black and white is original‚ compelling and eyecatching#Truly something that shows the animators were given budget and enough time to really think it through. Please more of this#Off to more personal notes I clearly remember the moment in my dorm room I watched the bsd anime–#come back for the first time after three years and the reveal of the untold origins novel being adapted that came with it.#It's such a sweet memory. I was so so excited and happy and thinking back at it makes me :')#In love with Oda's voice please speak more baby#About voices Fukuzawa looks so younggggg and yet his voice is so deepppppppp it's a funny contrast ahah.#Fukuzawa was very pretty when he was younger.#Distributing countless papers on the floor of my childhood's house attic to order them to the point there was no space left to walk is–#something I actually used to do when I was little. That's a cute memory too. I've always liked organizing stuff lol#Seeing all the actors preparing in the backstage threw me back to my musical theater hyperfixation.#Theater backstage feels so familiar to me if only because I used to keep up with the actors' i/nstagram stories religiously pffttttt#I really like Oda.#Wish his life had a little more happiness in it. Wish Fukuzawa could have adopted him too. Wish he could have married Dazai.#Alas :///#Aight no Atsushi this episode (and no Akutagawa for a whole season God‚‚‚‚‚‚‚ ) but a lot more exciting things to come!!!!!#Oh almost forgot the op and ed songs are so good too hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#Actually I think I just might have a soft spot for everything s4 since it's the first season I witnessed as it was airing pffttt#random rambles#I probably need to find a better file to watch the season... So far I'm still using the old episodes I individually downloaded–#as the anime was dropping. Which technically are still 1080 mkv but idk I feel like the quality is not the best.#And the subtitles are suboptimal
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the way my parents talk sometimes it seems like they think the Worst Possible Timeline is the one where I don't get married and don't give them the grandkids they want lol
#you should've seen their faces when i asked them how they'd react if i became a nun!#anyway not to be bitter about this but. i am slowly becoming more okay with the idea of being single for the rest of my life#it doesn't seem like such a great source of grief for me anymore! i am not going to die if i don't get married#and i'm not going to live a LESSER life no matter what certain people in my community may privately think#i know that i DO put romance and marriage on a pedestal and it sometimes runs the risk of becoming an idol#so the fact that i'm actually okay with the idea of not finding 'the one' is REALLY good progress in my own heart and mind#i just wish my parents saw it that way lol#they think im repeating the 'i got HURT and REJECTED and i'm swearing off relationships FOREVER' routine i went through in high school
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layla's relationship with jordan is just so interesting. When they were younger, she was liv's best friend. liv and jordan were also best friends. and layla pretended like jordan was just some annoying guy that hung around. sometimes, that was truly what she thought. most of the time, he was her best friend's brother. and on other occasions, he was one of her closest friends.
he was probably her first crush, but in a way that was never discussed because he was eww a boyyy and liv's brother. she'd secretly be glad when he showed up, while making a show of how annoyed she was that he was interfering with their time.
she would make an excuse when her head turned looking for him as they got older, and he stopped hanging around as much. she'd roll her eyes when he was around, though secretly enjoyed it. and around the same time that it seemed clear that jordan was interested in everyone but her, she thought asher and her made more sense.
and jordan became someone she sometimes hung out with in a large group who messed around with anyone but her. their easy intimacy never disappeared, but layla's feelings did. she never fully addressed or admitted to them, even to herself, and she felt that could never happen anyway. asher was her boyfriend. and then spencer arrived, and she was immediately interested in a way she hadn't been with asher in a long time. she felt disconnected from him, and spencer brought back a spark she hadn't felt since her mom died.
jordan was no longer a focus, was barely considered a friend, and he was still her best friend's brother. but for all her work reconnecting with liv, she never tried with jordan because, well, they were never friends in the first place. a lie she got very, very good at telling herself.
until he did become her best friend. until it was him she was turning to in her darkest moments. it was him that brought her relief, and it was him that she fell in love with but, once again, could not admit to. he was her best friend this time, though. he wasn't just a person hanging around. he wasn't just liv's twin brother. he was her person. and once she admitted that to herself, the rest was over. he was never going to be anything less, and she would not lie to him about her feelings for him after that. she needed to protect herself. he had walls he still needed to break down to get to all of her, but once he had, he had all of her, and he will for the rest of their lives.
#everyone was aware except for layla that jordan was in love with her and wanted to be with her for their entire lives#and no one had that same awareness with layla because she was very good at playing it off and convincing herself it wasn't there#he wasn't the person that was right for her and that became clear to her in middle school#but that changed and he became her best friend again#and during that time she fell in love with him!! but he was with simone and that was something she wouldn't come between#and now they're married ! because once she admitted that she loved him there was never going to be another outcome#it hasn't always been him but it also has do you get that#she won't rewrite history or pretend she was always wishing for them to be together because there was a long stretch when she wasn't#but he's always been more important to her than she was able to say until she COULD say it until she could say you're the most important#person in my life and i can't lose that#anyway they're meant to be fr soulmates fr and everyone can see that too#(spencer + liv + asher still responsible for the way they treated her tho xoxo)#muse: layla keating#meta: layla keating#dyn: lean into love (layla x jordan)
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Me @ to anyone, please anyone, I am begging you-
#do i think we need an outsiders remake/reboot/etc? no#do i want one? FUCK YES#come we've gotten like over a dozen anne of green gables remakes#just one outsiders remake to reawaken the fandom#it doesn't even need to be good i just need it to become relevant again#in my most delusional fantasies I'd wish for a sort of AU where johnny and dally survive and live together and get out of tulsa)(and marry)#i know their deaths are very important to the story but you know what else would be so important?#showing two boys who were born to die defy their fates and the roles forced upon then by society#and become more than anyone including themselves ever thought for them#but more realistically i think a pre-outsiders tv show would be so so so good#characters like tim two bit and steve can be expanded upon#their home lifes their struggles etc#we can have more dally back story#the soc ans greaser dynamics can be explored more#cherry marcia randy bob can be explored and we can get more insight on the lives of the socs#we can see how darry was before their parents death and how it changes him#johnny before he got jumped#like there is so so so much that can be explored#(and a jally kiss)#the outsiders#bob sheldon#steve randle#cherry valance#jally#ponyboy curtis#darrel curtis#sodapop curtis#dallas winston#johnny cade#two bit mathews
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you know that tiktok trend where it's like "before and after kids" and the before is them happy and the after is the clip of that toxic guy from euphoria walking away?
#..... i just feel that if people would be honest. many people's relationships have cracks in them before kids#a lot of people either use kids to fill those cracks or#are for other reasons coerced into having kids#OR have never had a real conversation about what life will look like after kids#furthermore i really really do not want to victim blame#but A Lot of women have kids with men who not only do not have knowledge about periods and pregnancy but also are disgusted by those things#and not helpful or not interested in the health of their partners in the first place! so it's like!!! idk it is very awful and tragic#and i wish people didn't convince themselves that being in relationships with men who do not offer them safety#is really better than just being single#like a lot of these men do not care!! or they want children but want nothing to do with child raring#or dont care to think about what child raring will look like#and the fact that their wive's bodies will change and undergo A Lot of physical trauma in order to have a baby#and when the reality of those things hits it is so easy for them to just step away from the discomfort instead of being a good partner#bc that takes a level of selflessness that they did not sign up for bc men typically get married out of selfishness
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.
#I’m just gonna use this blog as a diary because. y’know. I already do. anyway#I don’t know what’s gotten into me recently but I just feel like. like I’m supposed to be ‘further along’ in my life than I am now?#and like. I know it’s bullshit because. the milestones I was told I would hit as I grew older have definitely not been predictable#they tell you you’ll get a job and a car and a significant other and you’ll get married and buy a house and have kids and grow old and die#and it’s like. that’s all we’re given to measure our lives by; these big milestones.. people are supposed to feel accomplished when they hit#but those things are just titles to chapters like. nobody tells us that there’s all this other plot happening between those pages#and so yeah I mean. it feels like I’m not on the right chapter and I really want to skip ahead but like#the truth is. I’m not even to the climax yet. I’m still in the lore-dump stage of ny story#and that’s been so hard for me to accept recently. I’m yearning to be in the chapter where I fall in love and get married#but that’s just it like. that chapter comes earlier in other people’s stories than it seems to be in mine#although I’ve fallen in love many times. I’m not at the ‘get married’ chapter. because it’s not the right part of the story yet#and sometimes I wish I could just find the author of my story and tell them HEY GET ON WITH IT ALREADY because things seem to be moving so#so slowly. and yet they’re moving so fast I simultaneously feel like I’m running out of time#like. why do some people deserve to have co-stars in their stories from almost the very beginning who stick by those protagonists and grow#together? What did I do in my last story to deserve such a lonely one this time around?#Why am I so unlucky that I have good close friends that stick by me and all I know how to do is hold them at arms length because I don’t#think our relationships are quite as deep as I feel that I need out of a relationship?#why is my story about desparately trying to find a place where I feel comfortable enough to belong and share myself with others#and hey. why am I not at that part of my story either?#and maybe it’s that I don’t do enough. as a protagonist my toxic trait is that I’m pathologically suspicious of others#if someone shows interest in me I’m suspicious of why. what are they trying to get from me. because in the past people have taken from me#without giving much back. and if someone wants to date me I’m immediately suspicious of their intentions.#because I’ve realised that there’s much more to being in a relationship than ‘you’re hot let’s fuck’. and I know that’s not what I want#I want to be at the part of my story where I can share myself with someone without worrying that they’re going to take more than I can give.#I want to be at the part of my story where I can trust someone with myself when I’m fragile and they can trust me with themselves as well#I want to be at the part of my story where my life slots together well with someone else’s; so well it just feels normal and right.#I want to be at the part of my story where…I know I could live without this person because we can both take care of ourselves but.#it’s just preferable to spend time and solve problems and exist *together*#and you’ll have to forgive me for saying so but I’ll need physical affection from that person whoever they may be#I feel like certain things are falling into place. I like where I am. now I want to set down roots. and I can’t. I’m not at that page yet.
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I’m a sucker for musical parallels and referencing an old song in a new song but I feel like this TTPD lead up is not just a “this is how I used to feel and now I’m using those themes to show how I feel now” and more of a “those feelings were never real and actually those love songs that were so beautiful before are actually about a bad relationship and full of red flags” cuz it’s honestly ruining my feelings on those old songs. Like Taylor’s whole thing is letting us interrupt the songs and apply them to our own lives and now it’s like even she is encouraging us to only see them through the lens of her most recent breakup and it really sucks tbh
#like when it was just fans being swifties I could ignore it and keep believing they were good love songs#but now that those Apple Music playlists came out and these songs are being sorted through different lenses#it feels like she wants us to look at those beautiful love songs differently and I hate it#taylor swift#ttpd#like I’d make jokes and talk about her personal life#and look at her songs and be like hmmm maybe that’s what she meant by this#but mostly her songs were always separate from her real life relationships#(otherwise I wouldn’t be able to love the speak now era love songs lmao)#I apply her songs to my characters#sweet nothing was the perfect song for one of my ocs who got famous and felt like he couldn’t be himself anymore#expect when he was with his bf who didn’t see him that way#and now I listen to it and I hear all those tweets saying ‘omg he didn’t love her and didn’t care about her and THATS what she was saying’#and having lover being one of the top wedding songs of the 2020s#and the ‘at every table I’ll save you a seat’ now going from ‘I want you by my side always’#to ‘I have to save it but you don’t show up cuz you’re never there for me’#and lavender haze going from ‘we don’t need to be married to be in love and I just want to be with you#and I wish people would stay out of my private life’#now being ‘I actually did want to get married and this was me just being in denial’#it SUCKS#things were much easier when I was just playing my thoughts here rather than following fan pages on Twitter#I’ve met a lot of great people and learned some fun stuff but this is exhausting#I just want to listen to my favorite artist without analyzing every line to figure out if she really meant it like that#I love her for her ability to tel stories I can relate my characters to#that’s all I really want to do with her songs#makes me want to leave the fandom and just listen alone#but also doing that before made me miss album announcements and vault puzzles and other news#idk I’ll probably stay but it just really sours the whole experience for me#and I wish it didn’t
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