#we can see how darry was before their parents death and how it changes him

[boysborntodie]

Me @ to anyone, please anyone, I am begging you-

[chippedshake]

Am I just fixing it just to break it?

Sodapop curses quietly as he gets up from the couch again. He could swear it hasn't been five minutes since he last stopped them from fighting, but they're at it again and now he has to talk them down. Again.

It's something stupid, for a change. Ponyboy hasn't done his homework for tomorrow and now he's peppering Darry with questions about the properties of... something.

"It was assigned last Friday, Pony, I don’t get why you're doing it now."

"Because I forgot! And your griping isn't helping any, it isn't gonna be done yesterday because you want it to be."

"But you can change your bad habits so it doesn't happen again. I swear, if I didn't see your report card, I'd think you just couldn't think."

"Can't you just lay off for once? Jesus, I just asked about what the octet rule was, it's not like I’m asking you to explain everything from scratch."

"No, I can't lay off, because if it was up to you, you'd singlehandedly ruin your whole future!"

Am I just hanging on, just so we can drown?

Is it even worth it, patching them up for them to just keep on fighting the next day? Is there any point to it? Or is he just pushing the same rock up the same hill every day only for gravity to beat him before he reaches the top?

Like the love we thought we found, no

When Darry had told them he was going to get custody over them, Soda had thought that it would bring them together. He never imagined sunshine and rainbows, but he thought they would become closer than they already were, have a bond forged in sweat and tears, not just blood.

But maybe it didn't count if the tears were cried alone and the sweat was just at work.

We're hoping that we don't just hit the ground

Every night, before he goes to sleep, Sodapop closes his eyes and prays that tomorrow will be different. He prays for his brothers to understand each other’s side, for them to finally listen to him, for them to finally see each other.

Because Soda may be stupid, but he's not delusional. He knows they won't last long like this, with fights every night about curfew and homework and dinner and textbooks. But there's no end in sight. How do you make someone see what they're desperately avoiding?

I've been pulling you close, but pushing me further

It takes him a couple months to realise he's lying to his brothers. He's pulling away, pretending like he's fine, like everything's fine, because he doesn't know any better.

It takes him a couple months to realise that his parents died too. That he's supposed to take time to grieve and get over their deaths on his own terms.

It takes him a couple months to realise that he doesn't even know himself anymore because he's been shoving his own feelings and thoughts down to make way for Darry and Ponyboy. Even when he's alone with Steve or Sandy, he doesn’t talk about his own feelings, only about Darry overworking and Ponyboy coming home late and the two of them fighting nonstop.

It takes him a couple months to realise why Sandy looks worried whenever they part ways and why Steve asks him how he is thirty times every time they meet up.

I've been holding it back, that I see you different

He still buys Pony a Pepsi whenever he comes to the DX and he still talks to Darry about the NFL, pretending like he knows (and cares) more than he really does. He still acts like he thinks they're his brothers, even though he can't help but hate them a bit for tearing him apart.

Sick of me remindin' you to love me like you say you do

"You going anywhere tonight, Pony?"

"Nope. Staying here."

There's no sound but the clinking of forks against plates.

"I'm going out with Sandy tonight, thanks for askin', Darry. Don't worry, I'll be back before it's too late, I know I gotta wake up early for work tomorrow," Soda says with a fake smile and faker cheer.

He's been trying telling the truth like it's a joke, lately, to see if it'll hit home somehow. Telling his brothers they're forgetting about him, that they aren't seeing him as an actual person anymore. "My day was good too, thanks for asking" and "since no one’s gonna ask anyway, lemme tell you about what happened to Steve today".

They aren't getting it and Soda's getting tired of having to remind them that he's their brother too, not just their middleman.

And I've been hurting myself to keep you from leaving

Sometimes, when Darry crosses a line, Sodapop can see Ponyboy's eyes dart around, calculating. He always starts with his backpack, then towards his room, his shoes, and then the door.

Darry never notices but Soda always does and that's how he knows he needs to intervene. Because if he doesn't say something to stop them, the argument will end with Ponyboy running out the door without even a coat on, which is the last thing they need right now.

So he'll always defend Ponyboy, even if he's wrong, because Darry would never leave but Ponyboy just might and he'll take a broken family held together by his own strength over two brothers who never speak.

I've been wonderin' whether we'll last the season

When Sodapop looks out the window one day and sees the snow melting, it feels like a miracle that he can still hear Ponyboy's steady breathing and Darry rummaging around the kitchen.

Wish we could've made this work

Five months later, Soda's running desperately because he can't make this work, he can't just be the glue that holds them together, because he couldn’t keep his parents there and he couldn’t keep Sandy there and he can't keep holding them together.

And, God, would he love to be able to say that he made it work. He would love to say that he found a way to make his brothers stop fighting, to make them remember that they love each other and don't need to argue about every little thing.

But he can't, because he's not enough and he never will be and sometimes he just wants to run away.

But now I know that I need more

"Golly, you two, it's bad enough having to listen to it, but when you start trying to get me to take sides... We're all we've got left. We ought to be able to stick together against everything. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything. If you don’t have anything, you end up like Dallas... and I don't mean dead, either. I mean the way he was before. And that's worse than dead. Please... don't fight anymore."

I need more

When Darry and Ponyboy listen to his little speech, he swears it's the first time they've really listened to him in eight months.

They tell him they'll do better, say they'll get along, that they won't wear him down anymore.

He tries his best to believe them and they race back home, laughing as they walk through the front door together.

[browneyedhex]

The Faults of a Broken Man

Before we get started I want everyone to know before they click  to the page that this is going to heavy. It's not going to be your usual sad story that mentions depression. There will be topics of drugs, violence, possible sex but I don't know yet but I just want to mention some possibilities about what you may read.

If you are sensitive around these topics especially anything depressing, relating to death or loss, drugs, and touches of self harm please exit this story. I'm aware this story may be listed as "M" for mature, however I'm going to be publishing this story on other sites so more people can read it if they wish. This is just a little project for me and writing from a person who has been through some things that may be mentioned.

I don't think it's going to be a love story for those that like the romantic type of Dallas x reader stories, it's mainly about him however most of it may be placed in your POV. This will probably be more of a friendship thing, but anyways.

I hope you guys enjoy and if you wanna read it elsewhere let me know, I'll send you a link :) Words:3k+

You couldn’t quite grasp the way the man before you had changed. Though, it wasn’t just him- everyone had changed. Even the atmosphere of the house that the gang had adored had changed.

It was unnerving. There was no noise. No hollering, feet stomping, beer-bottle clinking, or the sound of furniture being toppled over when the guys got too rowdy and couldn’t contain their energy.

It had the same type of feeling like- you know how you’re the first person to be awake in the house in the early morning? You knew there were others in the house, but you were just focused on yourself and what you needed to get done and how you felt.

The way the morning made the house slightly chilly and the sound of birds could be heard faintly. It was like that, but heavy. Heartbreaking. And no one was asleep, everyone was awake. And it wasn’t early in the morning.

The main positive thing that had happened was everyone was around each other more often and no one thought that was possible. How can you be more involved with each other when you were already spending every day together?

Maybe it was the fact that no one else is town could understand. Maybe the sheer horror that there was a chance another member could be gone.

The everyday routine was still there, but something as simple as brushing your teeth became an inconvenient chore. Everything did. You felt as though it may have been harder for Darry, seeing as he’s the caretaker of the group. The one who cooks for everyone, makes sure everyone is well taken care of, but how do you do that when no one wants to eat and doesn’t care if they shower or wear the same clothes for days?

To the outside world- it may have been pathetic and disgusting to think of someone not being keen on their hygiene and not caring how they smelled, but they just didn’t get it. But you and your group of family did.

But Dallas, the one who was laying on the sofa it was a hard thing to place about him but the way he looks and the vibe about him seems different than the rest. It wasn’t a secret to the gang that he had gone through some of the toughest shit in life but never wanted to speak about it, but everyone knew. He had faults and some already broken pieces.

And in an odd way; you felt lucky. Not about a man being down but the fact you had people to share the pain with, maybe theirs were deeper than yours but in the end, you were all grieving. It didn't matter if someone knew Johnny by more minutes, hours, days, months,.etc.

You were all very gratefully to know Johnny Cade.

You just wished he had gotten to know a bit more about life outside of the neighborhood and as silly as it seems, maybe some love and not just from the gang.

All his life he had only known hate- by his parents and the Socs. It wasn't fair.

You take a moment to look around the room. Everyone was still. It was so out of character. It looks as though time froze and you were the one granted to move and look at your friends before you. But they weren't frozen, they just weren't there. Everyone was in their heads and maybe now- everyone could understand what it was like to be Pony.

Behind the scenes everyone was dealing with their grief in different ways. Steve turned to stealing hubcaps and selling them, missing work, and avoiding home all together with a drink constantly in his hand. Sodapop spent most of his time crying in the bathroom or staring at a blank wall looking like any second he could break.

Two-bit barely spent any time watching Mickey Mouse anymore. The show could be on but his eyes thought the old carpet below his feet deserved his attention more. No one would believe it in a million years but, Darry he just let everyone do what they wanted. He still cared, but this time he wasn't going to fight Pony if he decided to stay out longer or if his grades were slipping or he didn't eat. He didn't get angry when someone would slam the door. Shit, sometimes he would forget to make dinner but like mentioned before, no one really wanted to eat. He even missed some shifts at work, spending some time on his dads recliner with a drink in hand.

Dallas well, he was very quiet. But at any moment was waiting to blow. No one knew what he was thinking as his eyes always held that kind of look like he was thinking but wore a poker face. He just needed to look mean and he would be left alone. He was the one to eat the least, smoke and drink the most.

And then, there is you. Your role is very difficult. You basically pick up the slack around the Curtis's house and didn't mind. It took your mind off Johnny's death even if for a few minutes. You would cry when you felt like it, but if Darry wasn't going to make a meal or Pony or Soda were not gonna clean, you felt obligated too. You felt as though if no one pitched in the house it may look like Two's.

At the moment Soda's head feels heavy thinking about a letter that was waiting to be opened in his nightstand. It's a letter from the army. He was scared to death. he had seen enough death and it was messing with his head already and he didn't feel like he could be one of those that can take a life. Especially someone that may be a sibling or loved dearly by their folks. He didn't wanna take that away.

No one knew about the letter, not yet and he didn't know when the right time would be and he didn't wanna leave his best friend behind. He didn't know what he would do without Steve.

"I need a smoke." Dallas spoke after what seemed like hours of silence, pushing himself up from the couch and walks outside letting the door slam behind him. It was surprising that Darry hadn't bothered to unscrew the screen door and stash it somewhere else yet because the sound of it smacking as it returned was really annoying.

You get up from the chair and bend over slightly, your palm resting against the back of the couch as you slightly open the blinds to check on Dallas. His back was slightly turned but you knew that he was looking at the lawn in front of him his hirsute eyebrows furrowed together, the wrinkles on his forehead bulging in folds as he would think. Smoke went up from in front of him as he leans against the wall.

"He'll be fine- It's Dallas for Christ sake." Two-bit says as he watches you watch Dallas. And maybe he was right, but it was still abnormal for Dallas to be quiet and not suggest the boys to tag along with him for some semi criminal activity.

You push yourself off the couch and walks towards the kitchen, "He's not acting right." You say, swinging the fridge open and look inside. It was mostly liquids. Someone was gonna have to go shopping again and guess who it would be? You.

Breathing out through your nose you hear Sodapop say, "None of us are acting right."

He was speaking the truth but you felt like no one was getting or seeing Dallas like you did. Maybe Pony notices it or maybe his head is still keeping him busy with remembering the good times with his friend. The only person who seemed to get him and didn't judge.

"I need a Pepsi." Pony pushes himself off the floor as he makes his way over to you. "I don't think there's any left." You told him since you had just looked in the fridge, making him groan and kick the corner of the fridge, "Dammit!"

You sling your arm around his shoulders and guide him away from the fridge, "C'mon, let's go get you one. It'd be good to get out of the house for a bit." You knew it was going to be hard to get him away from the comfort the house provided; being shielded from prying eyes and the fact that no one wanted to accept that the   rest of the world was going on with another day.

Opening the door it makes a noise that makes Dally look over at you two. You give him a nod, "You wanna come with us to the DX?"

He shrugs, flinging the rest of the cigarette in front of him and licks his chapped lips. "Yeah, I need to get some things anyways." He takes the lead and opens the gate. You let Pony go then yourself, closing and locking the gate behind you.

"I might not have enough money on me to get one." Pony pats around in his pockets, digging just a few pennies and you offer a smile, "Don't worry about it- my treat."

He smiles back and oh how much it took him to just do that. His face had remained vacant for days on end so it felt strange for his lips to curl a bit.

The rest of the walk to the DX was quiet except for the sound of Dallas's boots dragging across the gravel roads and Pony kicking random rocks- every once in a while someone would clear their throat. Cars would go by and you could hear their engine and people talking off in the distance.

It was a good thing that the walk to the gas station wasn't that long. Maybe about five minutes and you were grateful. The silence was killing you and you weren't use to being the one to do the most talking. Usually Dallas couldn't keep his mouth shut and would rant about girls, crime, Buck's, shit back at home, or whatever else there was to mention plus, a little bit of teasing towards you and Pony....there would be some for Johnny too..but.

Pony walks past you two and you guessed he was just in a rush to get his favorite drink and head out. You take a second to glance at the back of Dally's head and you wondered what kind of things he needed. And you thought about how weird that felt, you normally just minded your own business because like who cares what someone gets from a corner store? But with his behavior lately you couldn't help it.

It was probably just gonna be a pack of smokes and maybe he'd steal some individual alcoholic drinks, but you just never knew.

He swings the door open and you both stroll in. The familiar smell of the DX welcomed you. You glance down to see a mop and bucket. It looked like someone had spilled something and you reach your leg to the other side where the puddle ends so you could get to the coolers and get yourself a drink. The place smelled musty and a faint smell came from the cooler in the back as you opened the door, selecting your favorite drink.

You look over your shoulder and sure enough, Dallas was by the alcohol taking his time eyeing what was there, probably looking for one with the highest alcohol content that didn't taste like shit. And you wondered how you had enough money all the time for all the times he drank, maybe he was gambling and hustling others at pool again. Who knows, it was Dallas.

"3 okay?" Pony's voice broke your gaze on you other friend and you look over to him as he carried three cans of Pepsi in his arms and you nod with a smile. "Yeah, sure. Anything else you want? Snacks? Candy?" You offered and a part of you felt like if you let him get whatever he wanted maybe just maybe he would feel better and that would make you feel better, but realistically speaking food wasn't going to get someone through the stages of grief. Food was just there for a moment not a lifetime.

He shakes his head, "No, this is just fine." You weren't going to push and Dallas shows up to your side, "Put your stuff up there you two, I'll pay." He nods his head towards the counter and you both just let him pay, it wasn't worth arguing over who would pay even though you hated for people to pay for you. But maybe letting Dallas pay for things would help him feel better just like the thought of you getting Pony extra snacks did.

"6.87." The clerk says and he eyes Pony, flapping a bag open before placing the items inside. Dallas opens his wallet, digging around for the money before throwing the bills on the counter. You could see Pony was feeling uncomfortable as the clerk kept eyeing him. You look between him and Pony before speaking, "Got a problem?"

His eyes move from the boy to you but back to him, "Your brother needs to make it to work at some point or he'll be fired. I'm surprised I haven't done so already." He gathers the money, putting it in the till and licks his fingers like old people do before grabbing the change.

You scoff and furrow your eyebrows and you could see from the corner of your eye that Dally's knuckles were turning white as he gripped the side of the counter and Pony stiffen on the opposite side of you. "Our friend died. He can find another job, asshole." You grab the bag and let yourself be the first to exit, holding the door open for the two to come out.

"Where's his car?" Dallas spoke roughly and his eyes darted around the parking lot, trying to locate a lonesome car that most likely belonged to the guy and you had no doubt in your mind he probably wanted to either slash his tires, break his windshield and key the sides. You had to take control even though the sight of him fucking up the car would be entertaining, but you couldn't let him get dragged to jail again. No, you had lost enough people.

"Let's just go home, Dal." Pony spoke, brushing past him and Dal took a minute, looking down at the pavement licking his lips then sneers at the man in the building before turning on his heel to follow Pony. You were thankful and was the last to leave.

It was oddly comforting that no one besides the brothers lived there at the house and everyone had had their own, but the Curtis's house felt like a real home and it was funny how everyone knew what 'going home' meant. It was always that house.

Dallas wasted no time in digging into the bag that was in your hand and takes out a bottle, twisting the cap off with his shirt before taking a swig. It was broad daylight and he was underage, but Dallas didn't care. He wanted to drown his depression and grief he felt for the one person he loved. And maybe that was wrong he loved everyone in the gang though he wouldn't say so, but Johnny was Johnny. Dallas was ready to kill himself over the kid. No one knew if he would do the same if it was anyone else in the gang.

You watch as he chugs down the rest of the bottle before chucking it to the side on a fence the bottle breaking against impact and he wipes his lips free from the beer that dripped.

"You might wanna slow down there, Tex." You lightly joke and your lips curl upwards, but he shrugs and digs into the bag once more repeating the actions of earlier. "I'm good."

You sigh, letting him be and look ahead to the back of Pony's head. He hadn't opened a can yet, probably waiting to just sit down and drink it instead. And you noticed how his drinks weren't in the bag like the clerk didn't bother putting them in, man that whole situation pissed you off to no end but with how often you went there you didn't want to get banned because you cracked the guys head open.

No, just following Pony to the house was better.

The gate swings open and slams behind him before you and Dal catch up and walk on the lawn to the front of the house. When the door opened you look around. No one had moved. It was like they were super glued to their places. You run a hand through your hair - a habit you have been doing an awful lot lately.

You look over at the clock that was hung up on the wall. 4:25, someone ought to make some dinner soon even if the food wasn't going to be consumed you just needed one thing to still be the same and somewhat normal. You place the bag down on the couch and walk over to the kitchen. You grab some pans and some random ingredients out of the fridge and cabinet. You felt nervous cooking for what seemed like a whole family because that's what they were. Normally you would just cook for yourself and maybe your mom, so you didn't understand how Darry did it. His meals were always perfect and he carried so much confidence when he was in the kitchen, right now you felt like a loose mouse searching for food and hoping not to catch the kitchen on fire.

One fire was enough and maybe that was what made you nervous to cook. You didn't want to stare at the flame as you turn on the gas to the stove, you didn't wanna smell it. You didn't wanna work with it, but the boys need to eat.

Sighing, you turn it on hearing a click before the flames rise and you turn the temp down a bit. "Dinner will be ready soon."

God, please let my boys eat.

[chaotically-cas]

The Wall by Pink Floyd x Ponyboy Curtis Essay (part 1 of 2)

Umm first off I would like to say I know how dumb all of this sounds & I know this is far from intelligent or anything close to a thought I can articulate, so before I get hate for this, I know it’s dumb. So hush.

Anyways. 

Tw // talk of death, suicidal ideations/thoughts, trauma, (events from the book)

Like 2.1k words

Also I didn’t fully proof read this

- - -

One of my favorite albums of all time is The Wall by Pink Floyd. It is a two part album that tells the fictional story of a rock star named Pink, and his life and struggles. As it is my favorite album I couldn’t help myself but draw some very strong connections between the story of Pink, and Ponyboy. Pink and Pony both spent their lives building a metaphorical wall around them to help deal with the traumas of life. And I wanted to write this oddly formatted essay in connection with Pony and an analysis of most of the songs.

In The Flesh?: starts off right in the middle, the song is about someone mocking asking questions similar to ‘is this what you expected me to become’? I think this is about the time in Pony’s life when he is writing for his English class. In the song it says, “Tell me, is something eluding you, sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see?”. I think this is similar to Pony thinking about Johnny and symbolizing of how he is thinking to himself on how did this all happen to him and so quickly. Maybe even without his full knowledge. So I think the question the lyrics pose are just as much a genuine question to himself as a rhetorical one. Another lyric I think can show Pony’s reflection not only on the events of the past week but also him reflecting into himself is “If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes. You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise.” This shows how Pony feels himself aging and being changed but also wanting others to see himself for more than what’s in the newspaper. Pony talks a lot about only being seen as a greaser or a hood and maybe if people were to ‘claw through’ that disguise they could see what Cherry and Johnny saw.

The Thin Ice: this song is a flashback to the version of Pony before the events of that Sunday. Where he was not exactly innocent but wasn’t aged like he was after. The beginning of the song talks about a mother and fathers love for their child which is slowly being seen as less of a reality. This is the death of Pony’s parents. “Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice. Appears under your feet. You slip out of your depth and out of your mind.”, this can explain how Pony felt ripped to shreds and like the ice of his innocence has been broken from underneath him. The ice both represents his parents love and life, as well as his life before knowing death the way he does now.

Another Brick In The Wall (part1): I think this one is the most obvious. The first brick being placed in the wall. The wall being a metaphor of how Pony begins to mentally distance himself from others by building a metaphorical wall around himself, and him using different events in his life as ‘bricks’ to build it. The first ‘brick’ and event being the death of his parents, especially in a very traumatic way. “Daddy's flown across the ocean. Leaving just a memory” is quite literally about the death of a parent, making the connection to Pony’s situation go without being said. Additionally, I think the line “Daddy, what else did you leave for me?” can show Pony’s confusion with his life and him beginning to question who he is and what his place in it all is.

Another Brick In The Wall (part 2): something notable and worth mentioning in this part two of ABITW is how it says “youre” another brick in the wall. Instead of “its”. So we already know it is referring to a person, which in Pony’s case is Bob. It’s a bit of a jump from his parents dying but the death of Bob is what truly kick started the whole events of Pony’s story and the book. I think it is also worth mentioning that Johnny could also be the new brick in Pony’s wall. Seeing a kid like Johnny, only a few years older than him but being aged dramatically by his trauma, relating with Pony too now. So it is totally possible that Pony finding himself relating to the trauma and actions of Johnny, being another brick in the wall he is building around himself. Especially in the line “We don't need no education”, as it shows how Pony is starting to feel himself unwittingly starting to fit into the whole ‘greaser’ stereotype that has been placed on him.

Mother: Now this song is definitely in symbolism to his relationship with Darry. I think it is shown through many lines but especially in the overall meaning of the song. The song is about an overprotective mother figure that tries to dominate the life of the singer. Which is very similar to the way Darry begins to treat Pony after the death of their parents. The song starts off with the singer asking their mother all these questions and advice, which I think would be very similar to the dynamic of Pony and Darry shortly after the funeral. With Pony being lost in life and asking Darry for help. But as the song goes on the singer sees how toxic and overpowering the relationship has come in dominating his life. But before that point of view can be fully expressed, the mother takes over and is telling the son about how to feel once again. I think this is exactly how the dynamic between the Curtis brothers has shifted around the day of Bob’s death. Especially with Darry finally pushing Pony, and that being the last straw of Pony realizing the control he no longer wants Darry to have. Most importantly with the lines about the mother pushing her fears onto her child, which seems to be exactly what Darry is doing to Pony. Because Darry sees the same potential in Pony that he had. There are too many lines for me to analyze but I think the most important one has to be the very last line, “Mother, did it need to be so high?”. This is where Pony would be asking Darry why he needed to be and act the way he did, especially to him, and truly beginning the deeper questioning of everything.

Goodbye Blue Sky: this song starts out by a reflection of childhood innocence by the line “Look mummy, there's an aeroplane up in the sky”. This to me is when Pony is running away with Johnny, before going to the park. When his head is too cloudy and juvenile perhaps to think rationally. But then the song fades into questions about ‘frightened ones’ and ‘falling bombs’ which is Pony telling Johnny about how Darry had hit him and in a way he felt like this whole life had been starting to fall apart. The song even states a specific line about running for shelter, which is exactly what Pony does to Johnny. Another obvious connection is the ‘goodbye’ aspect of it. Where Pony and Johnny are running away, in a literal goodbye from Tulsa and their problems. “Goodbye blue sky” can be seen as them saying goodbye to the blue skies of life before the skies turned grey, in a metaphorical sense.

Empty Spaces: this song is by far one of the shortest from the album but I still think the connections are intense. A very powerful start off with “What shall we use. To fill the empty spaces. Where we used to talk?” which I think can be connected to the silence between Johnny and Pony right after Johnny kills Bob. Because Johnny and Pony used to have the best and most honest conversations, but not in this moment there is nothing but empty and painful silence between them as they realize what has just happened. And then the next line is more of Pony’s internal dialogue in my opinion, “How shall I fill. The final places? How should I complete the wall?”. I see it as him asking himself if this was the final event he needed to completely run away and distance himself from this life. From the pressure of ‘greaser life’ to the challenges at home and in his own head. He is asking himself if he wants this to be the final ‘brick’ in the wall of his life.

Young Lust: Now this song is when it is really starting to be expressed that Pony has almost completely lost himself from who he was just hours ago. “I am just a new boy. Stranger in this town. Where are all the good times? Who's gonna show this stranger around?”, is very indicative of Pony feeling completely lost and besides himself. Like a stranger in his own head, and one who feels in bad need of assistance because of how lost he feels. Especially without the guidance and overwhelming protection of Darry. In a sort of broken way of beginning to feel free.

One Of My Turns: In this song is can be connected to the conversation Cherry and Pony were having earlier, which Cherry eluded to the idea of the separate groups of Socs and Greasers not being so fundamentally different. In the line, “Day after day, love turns grey. Like the skin of a dying man” it can be seen as talking about Bob’s death. While it is quite literally referencing the skin of a dying man, I think it could also be metaphoric of how Bob’s death was like the beginning of a bigger thing. In a sort of, death brings even more tragedy than one body, sort of ideal. Also, “And night after night, we pretend it's all right. But I have grown older. And you have grown colder. And nothing is very much fun anymore” I think this is about Pony and Johnny. Pony feels like he has aged tremendously in one night, and seeing Johnny grow into a completely different and more ‘cold’ version of his best friend. The song goes on to discuss the singers feelings of numbness, regret, and horror in a series of metaphors and questions. Maybe in reference to possible suicidal ideations, much like the thoughts Johnny expressed earlier in the day.

Don’t Leave Me Now: I think don’t leave me now isnt as important of a song to the story line the rest but still worth mentioning because I see it as a conversation between Pony and himself. He is asking himself to not run away and telling himself that it doesn't have to be the end of the road, when deep down he knows that just isn’t true. He is conflicted about running away and staying to face life, even though he knows the decision he already made.

Another Brick In The Wall (part 3): And Pony finally deciding to run away with Johnny, with help from Dally, is the last brick in his wall. “I don't need no arms around me. And I don't need no drugs to calm me.”, can show the true numbness of the situation and how Pony has already adjusted in a way to how different he knew his life was gonna be after this final event and decision. But in a way he is also unsure if exactly what was going to happen now. I think this is best shown through the use of ‘think’ in the line “Don't think I need anything at all”. It shows that while Pony is trying to figure out where to go from here, he still has a bit of that child like innocence in him where he isn’t completely sure of what needs to happen next, but he knows it won’t work out in his favor. Because he knows that back in Tulsa people are bound to figure out it was him and Johnny behind it all, which would make them “all just bricks in the wall”, to Ponyboy.

Goodbye Cruel World: there isn’t no extravagant connection to be made or discussed in detail about this song, as it is just even more of Pony saying goodbye to life as jr knew it and the innocent child like version of himself. “Goodbye all you people. There's nothing you can say. To make me change. My mind” is exactly what I think Pony would have going through his head as he fell asleep on the train, especially in thoughts about Soda and how he couldn’t even stay for him, because that meant changing the entire outcome of the night. And in his mind nothing could change the fact that he and Johnny needed to go.

[hellsfanatic]

a/n: ahhh!! happy birthday darry!! this is centered around darry for the kings birthday 1-5-2021 today :))

**

I hit him. I hit Ponyboy. My own brother. I’d never hit him before, I’d never even thought about hitting that poor kid, but that meant nothing. I still did it. I still hit him, and I still hurt him. Now he was God knows where with nothing but the clothes on his back and hopefully a blade, just in case. I hope he doesn’t have to use it. Better safe than sorry. Maybe someone else will hit him. Someone just like me.

Pony ran off about half an hour ago. I thought he’d be back by now, like if he just took a walk around town to cool off. He wasn’t back. It had to be awful cold out there. I don’t know the temperature, we used to have a thermometer, but it broke a couple weeks back. Still, the light frost growing in the corners of our windows couldn’t mean it was warm. I don’t think Pony was wearing much either, not anything that could keep him from practically freezing to death.

I swear the silence was quieter than normal. I mean, silence around here is rare, but I can’t say I prefer it tonight. Soda was in his room, he had been since Pony ran off. I think he’s ignoring me, and I don’t blame him. Fighting puts off his whole mood when it’s between us, and that’s just when we’re arguing. He probably hates me after I hit Pony. I would too. I could really use having Soda with me tonight. It’d brighten up the mood a little.

At this point it was past three in the morning, and it was a work night. I couldn’t miss a single day of work now, we were barely making ends meet as it was. If I didn’t sleep soon, work would be hell. Pony can take care of himself, and the door is unlocked. I’m sure he’ll be in bed when I wake up in the morning. He has to be. He has to be.

“Sodapop you gotta go to bed. You’ve got stuff to be up for in just a couple hours now,” I told Soda, looking into his room from the doorway. He’s real absent-minded. He would’ve been up until six in the morning and he wouldn’t have even noticed if I didn’t tell him to sleep. I don’t know where he gets it.

He glanced at me, not bothering to make eye contact. “Yeah yeah, I know Darry. I’ll go to sleep in a minute. Night.” I think he was trying to act cold to me, but he’s not great at it. He’s a sweet guy, and sure he can be mean, but I think it takes a lot out of him to be rude to his own family. I really don’t know what’s going on in his head when things like this happen, he just blocks himself in the bedroom until he’s over it. Leaving him be is probably the best option, he wants to be alone anyways.

“Goodnight,” I murmured as I walked to my own bedroom. I hope I can get at least some sleep tonight. The door clicked shut after I got a few steps into the room, accompanied by faint footsteps coming through the walls. Soda was probably just getting ready for bed. He’d have the whole bed to himself for once. That’s one thing that came out of this whole situation for him.

Sliding open my closet door, I grabbed some comfier clothes to change into. There was a teddy bear on the shelf that I put things like Soda and Pony’s legal paperwork, a couple pictures of mom and dad, and whatever else seemed important. I reached up and took it down, looking over the bear. I always kept it in good condition, even though I took it with me practically everywhere when I was younger. I stopped when I was seven or so, when being a boy and carrying stuffed animals would get you bullied all the time. Still, I slept with it in my bed every night until mom and dad died. That’s when I locked it away in the closet. They had given me that bear on my first birthday, and every time I looked at it now all I could think of was them. Maybe that wasn’t all bad though.

The footsteps from before were gone, so Soda should be sleeping. I guess that means it would be okay if I opened up a little. Nobody would know. I sat down on the edge of my bed, holding the teddy bear in my hands, and just started talking. I told it about Ponyboy running away, how I hit him, how work was making me feel worse and worse, how I wasn’t ready to take care of Pony and Soda but how I wasn’t ready to let them go, everything. I was ranting as if the bear was my parents and they could hear me through the bear, then they could help me. I thought it would be easy and I could just say all these things and get over it, but I couldn’t stop. I was saying everything, some things I hadn’t even been admitting to myself. There was so much I didn’t know I had to say.

“Darry?” Soda’s voice came from the doorway. I was so lost in talking I didn’t even notice him coming in. Tossing the bear to the side, just hoping he didn’t see it, I looked at him. “Hell man, Pony got you that upset? I haven’t seen you cry in,” he paused, thinking for a second, “I haven’t seen you cry in years. I’m sure he’s okay, Dally just stopped in. Said he knows where he is.”

Someone knew. They had seen him, talked to him, they knew he was okay. Ponyboy was okay. “Well? Did he say anything else? Like, is he planning on coming back soon? Does he have a place to stay? Did he find something warm to wear?” I rattled off questions that I almost knew for sure Soda wouldn’t know the answers to, but I took the chance. He didn’t know.

“He just said he and Johnny came to Dally for help and he helped them. Nothing else. I tried to ask where they were, but he wouldn’t say. Unless you think he’s serious about Texas, but I think he was just trying to get me off his back. You can press him with questions later. He only came by to tell us Pony ain’t dead,” Soda gave as much information as he could. I don’t know how much I really trust Dallas, but he’s my only source right now. Plus, he wouldn’t know Pony was missing unless he saw Pony, so it seems legitimate. I just hope he’s right about him being safe. That’s the most important thing.

Soda never quite stayed still, and was walking around my room as he told me about what Dally had said to him. “Isn’t this the teddy bear you were obsessed with?” he asked, picking up the stuffed animal from the floor. “Damn, I remember you never let anyone touch this thing. It was like your most prized possession, you kept it right next to you all the time,” Soda went on, looking over the bear before setting it on my bed.

“Uh, yeah, it was the one mom and dad got me. I don’t know why I liked it so much. I guess it was just nice for when mom and dad were gone. It was always there. You won’t bring it up right? I don’t think anyone else needs to know I kept it around for so long. Or that I was talking to it. Can we keep it between us?” I asked, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, nervous for what he’d say. He was nice, and I knew he’d keep it a secret if I wanted him to, but something in my brain was telling me he would say no.

Soda let out one of those laughs, the ones that are more just exhaling a little loud from your nose. “Yeah, I won’t tell anyone about my big brother’s teddy bear. I don’t know if anyone can live without knowing you have a teddy bear though,” he said with a grin.

“Oh whatever man, just go to bed,” I said, giving him a playful push. “If it does come to life or death, I suppose you can tell everyone, but only if that’s your last hope.”

Soda smiled. “I’ll see you in the morning. I better not come in here to you having a tea party or something with that bear next time,” he joked. “Oh, but if you are having one with him, I best be invited or I’m crashing the party,” he said before leaving the room and closing the door.

I took one last look at the teddy bear before bringing it back to my closet. I’d probably bring it out more often now, talking to it was kind of therapeutic. It’ll always remind me of my parents, and as much as I don’t want to think about them now, it’s probably for the best. Maybe it’ll make life better if I can really talk about them and get everything out there, even if I’m talking to an inanimate object.

[megashadowdragon]

Love is the bane of honor

I think Aegon's role narratively is "don't put all your faith in perfect kings", especially not a kid. It's all about the pressure of being a hereditary ruler, the pressure of duty, of others' expectations being placed on a child solely due to his birthright, and of a life sacrificed to duty.

"He is here. Aegon has been shaped for rule since before he could walk. He has been trained in arms, as befits a knight to be, but that was not the end of his education. He reads and writes, he speaks several tongues, he has studied history and law and poetry. A septa has instructed him in the mysteries of the Faith since he was old enough to understand them. He has lived with fisherfolk, worked with his hands, swum in rivers and mended nets and learned to wash his own clothes at need. He can fish and cook and bind up a wound, he knows what it is like to be hungry, to be hunted, to be afraid. Tommen has been taught that kingship is his right. Aegon knows that kingship is his duty, that a king must put his people first, and live and rule for them."

What Varys has said is all about Aegon ruling for others. That implies serious self-sacrifice. But is Aegon truly fit for this? Note how Varys never speaks of love, it's all about Aegon being raised to fulfill his duty, and one that has been placed on him based on his supposed birthright by others, which to us readers is uncertain to begin with and could even become uncertain to Aegon himself at some point.

"Jon, did you ever wonder why the men of the Night's Watch take no wives and father no children?" Maester Aemon asked.

Jon shrugged. "No." He scattered more meat. The fingers of his left hand were slimy with blood, and his right throbbed from the weight of the bucket.

"So they will not love," the old man answered, "for love is the bane of honor, the death of duty."

We have here the literal kryptonite to Varys' expectations.

Aegon is still young and we have no indication he has any experience with women other than being raised by a septa, which considering the faith's tenants has served the opposite interest.

Love is sweet, dearest Ned, but it cannot change a man's nature

Arianne, a very intimidating woman, is coming to push herself onto Aegon, yet Aegon's entourage believed the support of Dorne was expected due to their existing blood ties to Aegon, not thanks to a new union between Aegon and a Dornish princess, a union which would also alter Doran's current plans which did not factor in Aegon at all.

A union to Aegon, from Doran's perspective, might also cast uncertainty into the master-strategist's mind; what will Dorne do when the real dragons come? And what if Dany's entourage sends a letter to Dorne along with Quentyn's body, telling them the prince was burned by the dragons he tried to steal? Would Arianne and the Sand Snakes believe it at all, especially if Arianne is trying to put herself between Aegon and Daenerys?

Daenerys on the other hand is preferred by Connington, who says the prince must hold off on any marriage as she may yet come, and he holds no found memories of Elia Martell, which might tarnish his view of Arianne no matter how "healthy" she might appear:

A bride for our bright prince. Jon Connington remembered Prince Rhaegar's wedding all too well. Elia was never worthy of him. She was frail and sickly from the first, and childbirth only left her weaker. After the birth of Princess Rhaenys, her mother had been bedridden for half a year, and Prince Aegon's birth had almost been the death of her. She would bear no more children, the maesters told Prince Rhaegar afterward.

"Daenerys Targaryen may yet come home one day," Connington told the Halfmaester. "Aegon must be free to marry her."

"My lord knows best," said Haldon. "In that case, we might consider offering potential friends a lesser prize."

Pushing lesser prizes onto Dorne is unlikely to be well received, chiefly by Arianne herself.

Connington is trying to shield the prince from doubt:

"I like the sound of that. My army." A smile flashed across his face, then vanished. "Are they, though? They're sellswords. Yollo warned me to trust no one."

"There is wisdom in that," Griff admitted. It might have been different if Blackheart still commanded, but Myles Toyne was four years dead, and Homeless Harry Strickland was a different sort of man. He would not say that to the boy, however. That dwarf had already planted enough doubts in his young head. "Not every man is what he seems, and a prince especially has good cause to be wary … but go too far down that road, and the mistrust can poison you, make you sour and fearful."

Yet Connington is joined by Tyrion's proposal, even if unknowingly, to wait for Daenerys:

"You do not need to win," Tyrion told him. "All you need to do is raise your banners, rally your supporters, and hold, until Daenerys arrives to join her strength to yours."

Tyrion sold the idea to Aegon as follows:

"I told you, I know our little queen. Let her hear that her brother Rhaegar's murdered son is still alive, that this brave boy has raised the dragon standard of her forebears in Westeros once more, that he is fighting a desperate war to avenge his father and reclaim the Iron Throne for House Targaryen, hard-pressed on every side … and she will fly to your side as fast as wind and water can carry her. You are the last of her line, and this Mother of Dragons, this Breaker of Chains, is above all a rescuer. The girl who drowned the slaver cities in blood rather than leave strangers to their chains can scarcely abandon her own brother's son in his hour of peril. And when she reaches Westeros, and meets you for the first time, you will meet as equals, man and woman, not queen and supplicant. How can she help but love you then, I ask you?"

The temptation is that of a mother figure and a rescuer who would fly to him like the wind, her brother's son, a boy becoming a man. Similarly, agreeing to this would place trust in his father-figure's plan. There is reassurance in taking this road, the one of parents he never had.

One way or another, Aegon must chose, at a time when war rages. But there is much room for doubt to keep him undecided, and if word reaches them that Daenerys has hurriedly flown away on her Dragon, could it be that Tyrion and Connington were right? Is the Mother of Dragons flying to the prince as fast as wind can carry her?

Aegon might hear the echo of Tyrion's words:

"Your father knew the dangers of being overbold."

The prince stared at the playing board. "My dragon—"

"—is too far away to save you. You should have moved her to the center of the battle."

Wait, and wait, and wait, but the war does not.

The death of duty

As the pressure mounts on Aegon to either keep on waiting for Daenerys or secure an alliance with Dorne, will Aegon break? And more importantly, if he does, how?

What if this is exactly what happened with Rhaegar? What if Rhaegar buckled under all the pressure that was on him? From prophecies to the duty of kingship.

"Lingering here will never bring it any closer. The sooner we take our leave of this place—"

"I know. I do." Dany did not know how to make him see. She wanted Westeros as much as he did, but first she must heal Meereen. "Ninety days is a long time. Hizdahr may fail. And if he does, the trying buys me time. Time to make alliances, to strengthen my defenses, to—"

"And if he does not fail? What will Your Grace do then?"

"Her duty." The word felt cold upon her tongue. "You saw my brother Rhaegar wed. Tell me, did he wed for love or duty?"

The old knight hesitated. "Princess Elia was a good woman, Your Grace. She was kind and clever, with a gentle heart and a sweet wit. I know the prince was very fond of her."

That answer from Jorah is fairly clear; Rhaegar married Elia out of duty, and maybe a hint of prophecy for all we know. He did not do so out of love.

Remember, Rhaegar thought he was expected to become a warrior. So we have another self-sacrifice for duty's sake:

"As a young boy, the Prince of Dragonstone was bookish to a fault. He was reading so early that men said Queen Rhaella must have swallowed some books and a candle whilst he was in her womb. Rhaegar took no interest in the play of other children. The maesters were awed by his wits, but his father's knights would jest sourly that Baelor the Blessed had been born again. Until one day Prince Rhaegar found something in his scrolls that changed him. No one knows what it might have been, only that the boy suddenly appeared early one morning in the yard as the knights were donning their steel. He walked up to Ser Willem Darry, the master-at-arms, and said, 'I will require sword and armor. It seems I must be a warrior.'"

And there is another hint that Rhaegar may have wanted to move away from the pressure of ruling, although a subtle one that remains to be cleared up:

Prince Rhaegar shook his head. "My royal sire fears your father more than he does our cousin Robert. He wants you close, so Lord Tywin cannot harm him. I dare not take that crutch away from him at such an hour."

Jaime's anger had risen up in his throat. "I am not a crutch. I am a knight of the Kingsguard."

"Then guard the king," Ser Jon Darry snapped at him. "When you donned that cloak, you promised to obey."

Rhaegar had put his hand on Jaime's shoulder. "When this battle's done I mean to call a council. Changes will be made. I meant to do it long ago, but . . . well, it does no good to speak of roads not taken. We shall talk when I return."

But love is the bane of honor, the death of duty:

"Swords win battles," Ser Jorah said bluntly. "And Prince Rhaegar knew how to use one."

"He did, ser, but . . . I have seen a hundred tournaments and more wars than I would wish, and however strong or fast or skilled a knight may be, there are others who can match him. A man will win one tourney, and fall quickly in the next. A slick spot in the grass may mean defeat, or what you ate for supper the night before. A change in the wind may bring the gift of victory." He glanced at Ser Jorah. "Or a lady's favor knotted round an arm."

So I posit that the fear of it all frightened Rhaegar into the arms of Lyanna, who similarly ran from a duty imposed on her in marrying Robert, and as the war began to rage on both escaped away from it all to the Tower of Joy.

Kill the boy and let the man be born

Many wonder what Arys Oakheart's narrative point was. He is a good example of a man who struggled between love and duty.

You know I have no other woman. Only... duty.

Which led him to his death:

Arys, my sweet knight, why did you do it? You should have yielded. I tried to tell you, but the words caught in my mouth. You gallant fool, I never meant for you to die, or for Myrcella...

I believe that as history seems to so often repeat itself in the world of Ice and Fire, Aegon will flee into the arms of love. But whose' love?

Come break of day, they were off again. Elia Sand led the way, her black braid flying behind her as she raced across the dry, cracked plains and up into the hills. The girl was mad for horses, which might be why she often smelled like one, to the despair of her mother. Sometimes Arianne felt sorry for Ellaria. Four girls, and every one of them her father's daughter.

Elia Sand, who bears the name of Aegon's mother, is similar in more ways than one to Lyanna Stark.

"We will see about that." Valena wheeled her big red around and put her heels into him, and the race was on, through the dusty lanes of the village at the bottom of the hill, as chickens and villagers alike scrambled out of their path. Arianne was three horse lengths behind by the time she got her mare up to a gallop, but had closed to one halfway up the slope. The two of them were side-by-side as they thundered towards the gatehouse, but five yards from the gates Elia Sand came flying from the cloud of dust behind them to rush past both of them on her black filly.

"Are you half horse, child?" Valena asked, laughing, in the yard. "Princess, did you bring a stable girl?"

"I'm Elia," the girl announced. "Lady Lance."

Lyanna was also a horse-rider:

Arya was breathing hard herself then. She knew the fight was done. "You ride like a northman, milady," Harwin said when he'd drawn them to a halt. "Your aunt was the same. Lady Lyanna."

And she was literally said to be "half a horse"

Horses … the boy was mad for horses, Lady Dustin will tell you. Not even Lord Rickard's daughter could outrace him, and that one was half a horse herself.

And similarly to Elia, Lyanna could fight:

"Lyanna might have carried a sword, if my lord father had allowed it.

And we have this in Bran's vision:

Now two children danced across the godswood, hooting at one another as they dueled with broken branches. The girl was the older and taller of the two. Arya! Bran thought eagerly, as he watched her leap up onto a rock and cut at the boy. But that couldn't be right. If the girl was Arya, the boy was Bran himself, and he had never worn his hair so long. And Arya never beat me playing swords, the way that girl is beating him. She slashed the boy across his thigh, so hard that his leg went out from under him and he fell into the pool and began to splash and shout.

Elia can joust, and we all know that the Knight of the Laughing Tree is believed by many to have been Lyanna:

"I am almost a woman grown, ser," she responded haughtily. "I'll let you spank me, though... but first you'll need to tilt with me, and knock me off my horse."

"We are on a ship, and without horses," Joss replied.

"And ladies do not joust," insisted Ser Garibald Shells, a far more serious and proper young man than his companion.

"I do. I'm Lady Lance."

Arianne had heard enough. "You may be a lance, but you are no lady. Go below and stay there till we reach land."

Note the point earlier where Elia surprises Arianne by racing ahead of her? It is a very tempting hint that Elia will steal Arianne's place and become Aegon's love interest, one no one is pushing on him. Her playful and courageous nature might attract him, comfort him at a time of incredible pressure, just as Lyanna may have with Rhaegar before.

But Rhaegar in the end found his courage, and went into battle. He killed the boy to let the man be born. And died.

"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"

"That is the only time a man can be brave," his father told him.

But the question, what bravery will Aegon be pushed into?

"Your father knew the dangers of being overbold."

I won't theorize on what Aegon might throw his courage at here, as the above might bring enough down-votes on its own. I'll just say that Elia, the lance-wielder, has a strong connection to Aegon already:

"Vengeance for Oberyn and Elia."

"Prince Aegon was Rhaegar's heir by Elia of Dorne"

"You raped her. You murdered her. You killed her children."

TLDR: Aegon's and Elia Sands' story parallels Rhaegar and Lyanna's, and will end tragically. “

[darriness]

Klaine Fic - You’ll Always Be The Home - Chapter 1

Author: darriness

Fic Summary: Everything is finally settled in Kurt and Blaine's life...right?

Rating: T

Link to: Prologue

Chapter Word Count: 3172

Chapter Summary: A wedding.

Author’s Note: Thank you to everyone who liked, reblogged, or just read the prologue to this. Here’s chapter 1! As always thank you to my amazing beta @darrenismydarcy

AO3 Link

Four years is a long time. A lot can happen in four years. A lot can change. In one four year span for example, Kurt and Blaine met, became friends, became boyfriends, graduated high school, broke up, and got back together again. 

In the four years since their reunion, Blaine and Kurt have moved in together, graduated college, gotten engaged, started careers, and planned a wedding.

But if you ask Kurt and Blaine? The past four years have felt like both a lifetime and a milli-second in equal measure.

Blaine adjusts his cuffs and fidgets with his lapels as he stands behind the rows of chairs in front of him. Before he can once again reach for his lapels, his hand is grabbed and he turns to smile sheepishly at Bethany.

“Sorry.” He mumbles.

Bethany smirks and squeezes the hand she has in her own, “You’re adorable.” Her eyes soften as Blaine’s eyes flit around the room, “I am so happy for you...you know that right?”

Blaine’s eyes train back on his little sister and he smiles, “I do know that.” He says, softly, squeezing her hand in return.

*Four Years Ago*

“Can I paint my room any colour I want?” Bethany asks as Blaine fumbles for with the keys in the lock.

“Hmm?” Blaine hums distracted as he tries not to drop the bags in his hands.

“I said, can I paint my room any colour I want?” Bethany repeats.

“Oh uh, I don’t know. We’ll have to ask Kurt, I guess.” Blaine responds, finally getting the key in the lock and opening the door to the small apartment for only the second time. He hasn’t been back since he and Kurt got back together and now he and Bethany are going to be living here.

Bethany sighs as she pushes past Blaine in the unrefined way of a 12-year-old who wants to be the first one in, “We live here now. Can’t you make the decision? Or are we going to have to ask Kurt for everything now?”

Blaine sighs as he drops the bags he’s been carrying just inside the door. The apartment is empty, Kurt is at class. The pair had decided it might be easier to move in when Kurt wasn’t home.

“Just…” He doesn’t know how to answer. He’s never lived with anyone beside his family which means he’s never moved into someone else’s house. He’s not sure what the ‘rules’ are, or even if there are any.

Bethany rolls her eyes and flops down on the couch, letting the backpack she had been carrying fall on the ground next to her, “You said this would be a good thing for us.” She says with a raised eyebrow.

“It is.” Blaine says with a surety he doesn’t really feel. He knows Bethany was fine with moving and happy that Kurt was back in their lives but she’s also twelve...who knows if this really makes her happy.

*Present Day*

Music starts to play and Blaine takes a deep breath as he realizes that’s his and Bethany’s cue to walk down the aisle. He feels Bethany shake his hand in hers and he looks over at her with a smile. She smiles back at him before the pair begin to slowly make their way down the aisle.

He tries not to look over the crowd but can’t help but cast his gaze quickly over the faces. Friends and family all with beaming faces but unlike the former that is a mixture of friends they have as a couple and separately, the latter is all Kurt’s. Blaine threads Bethany’s arm more tightly in his own and keeps walking with a polite smile on his face.

When he and Bethany are finally at the altar he lets go of her hand and takes his place in front of the officiant as she takes hers just behind him as his ‘best woman’. He reaches to fidget with his suit jacket one more time as the music changes to signal it’s Kurt’s turn to make the walk he and Bethany just made.

He turns, like the audience in front of him does, to look at the back of the room and takes a deep breath when he sees Kurt standing arm in arm with his father. He feels Bethany nudge him in the back and he would turn to look at her if he wasn’t so transfixed. He has a feeling she would be beaming at him and maybe winking, anyway. 

*Three Years Ago*

Blaine gets home from class with a tired but happy sigh. He loves New York, he loves school, he loves everything about his life right now.

“Bethany I said no!” He hears Kurt say from the direction of the kitchen and pouts his lips thoughtfully, pausing as he takes off his scarf.

“You’re not my dad!” Bethany shouts back at Kurt and Blaine hisses in a breath.

There’s quiet for a moment and Blaine is wondering who is going to blow first. Since moving in, Bethany and Kurt’s relationship has changed slightly. They’ve gone from partners in crime, so to speak, to something more resembling father/daughter, or at the very least, caregiver/child. Blaine knows Kurt tries not to act that way but it’s unavoidable when living under the same roof. Blaine isn’t necessarily surprised but there have been times, like the one right now, when he wishes they could go back to the way they were before.

Finally, Bethany lets out an unintelligible growl and stomps off toward her bedroom, not even realizing Blaine is there when she huffs through the living room.

Kurt follows a moment later but at a slower pace and doesn’t appear to want to actually follow her as her bedroom door slams. He sighs when the slam happens and swings his gaze to Blaine - fixing him with a resigned expression.

“She wanted to take the subway, by herself I might add, to a concert in the park.” Kurt recounts.

Blaine’s eyebrows shoot up, “Well, thank you for saying no.”

Now Kurt’s glance is slightly withering, “Of course I said no.” He says before sighing and looking back at Bethany’s door, “I honestly never imagined I’d be a parental figure to a teenager in my early 20s.”

It sounds more like he’s saying it to himself than Blaine but Blaine’s stomach still clenches with anxiety, “I’m so sorry, Kurt. I’ll talk to her.” He swallows thickly.

Kurt does a double take before he seems to realize what he said and he moves quickly to Blaine’s side and puts his arms around his waist and his forehead to his temple, “Hey, no. That’s not what I meant.” He says before sighing, “Just because I didn’t think my life would be this way doesn’t mean I don’t love it.” It’s Blaine’s turn to give Kurt a withering glance. Kurt shakes his arms around Blaine, “I’m serious! In a few minutes I’m going to go in there and talk with Annie and everything will be fine. Just because she and I fight now doesn’t mean I’m not happy with our life.”

The sincerity in Kurt’s voice makes Blaine breathe a little easier.

*Present Day*

When Kurt and his dad finally, after what feels like the longest walk down the aisle ever (definitely longer than Blaine and Bethany’s was), make it to the altar Blaine can barely contain himself. He tries to wait as patiently as possible for Kurt to hug his dad and then take his place in front of Blaine but the wait for that to happen feels almost as long as the walk did.

Finally, FINALLY, Kurt is smiling at Blaine and reaching forward to grab his hands. Blaine feels like he can truly breathe for the first time all day. He is so ready to marry this man.

*One Year Ago*

“Are you sure I can’t film this?” Bethany asks.

Blaine chuckles nervously, “No, you cannot film this! I’m already nervous enough as it is.”

Bethany smirks, “Yeah but don’t you want to remember this for all of eternity? I mean, unless he says no or you get a divorce or…”

“Annie!” Blaine exclaims, making Bethany giggle in a way she doesn’t usually do anymore. Blaine’s learning there are a lot of things 15-year-old girls ‘don’t do anymore’.

“He’s here!” Bethany squeals, pointing over Blaine’s shoulder.

Blaine turns around in his seat to watch Kurt talk to the hostess before getting shown to the table where Blaine and Bethany currently sit. It’s a fancy restaurant where the hostess even pulls out Kurt’s chair for him before he sits down.

“Oh, thanks!” Kurt says with an amused chuckle at the gesture as he takes his seat, “Hey!” Kurt enthuses, reaching forward to grab Blaine’s hand and smiling at Bethany.

“Hey!” Blaine smiles back as Bethany waves.

“So, what’s the special occasion? I mean, not that I don’t love fine dining and a chance to wear one of my fancier outfits…” Kurt asks, looking back and forth between the siblings.

Blaine swallows. He had originally wanted to wait to do this until later in the meal but…

“Kurt,” He starts and he can feel Bethany’s eyes on him. She had also been under the impression this would come later and obviously understands the tone he’s using. Kurt seems to understand something big is coming too because he sits a little straighter and he tilts his head in interest. Blaine swallows one more time, “Kurt, when you came into our lives my only focus was Annie. And while I love her to death and have never for a second regretted becoming her primary caregiver...I wasn’t really living.” Kurt’s eyes have widened in seeming shock but he stays quiet, “And then you came into our lives and...everything got more colourful. You opened my eyes and my heart to a love I don’t think I could ever even imagine and I am so thankful to you for that.” 

Blaine sends one more glance at Bethany who is beaming at him and nodding before he takes a deep breath and gets down on one knee. The tables closest to them are looking on but Blaine only has eyes for Kurt - who is currently staring down at him with wide glistening eyes.

“I love you more than words can say, Kurt, and you would make me the happiest man in the world if you would agree to become my husband.” He produces a velvet box from his pocket and opens it to reveal a platinum band with inset diamonds. Kurt gasps, “Kurt, will you marry me?”

Kurt is nodding before he even finishes speaking, “Yes.” He whispers breathlessly.

Kurt pulls Blaine to his feet and into a kiss as the tables closest to them begin to clap. The loudest cheers are, of course, from Bethany, who makes the pair laugh as she whoops and hollers.

*Present Day*

The ceremony is simple and yet perfect. They debated writing their own vows but decided, instead, to go the traditional route; saying ‘traditional’ words in a ‘non-traditional’ situation really appealed to both of them.

It turns out Blaine cries more than Kurt, but Bethany cries more than both of them to the point where Blaine pauses and asks the officiant to wait before turning and hugging Bethany to him for a brief moment. She cries into his shoulder and their photographer captures the moment forever. 

When it comes to their first kiss as husbands, Kurt goes off script just a little bit and bends Blaine in a dip to press their lips together. The room cheers around them at the action and the pair come up laughing - Blaine slightly embarrassed but overjoyed, and Kurt exceedingly proud...and also slightly embarrassed.

As they walk back up the aisle hand-in-hand, they smile at their family and friends who are all beaming back at them.

*One Year Ago*

“Kurt, why are we still doing this? You’re already engaged!” Bethany exclaims as she helps Kurt move the coffee table.

Kurt grunts as he shifts the table into its final resting place against the wall and out of the way, “Because I have been planning this for weeks and Blaine deserves to be proposed to.”

Bethany smiles, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

It was no surprise that Bethany had been in on Blaine’s proposal but she had been surprised and ecstatic when Kurt had come to her the month before to enlist her help in his own proposal. Bethany had to keep both secrets for the month while inside she had been bubbling over with excitement.

Kurt takes a deep breath and looks around one more time, “So...is everything ready?”

Bethany also looks around before looking back at Kurt, “All we did was move the coffee table and put out champagne. You know, for someone as dramatic as you...this proposal is super low key.”

Kurt rolls his eyes, “Because this proposal is for Blaine.”

Bethany pouts her lips like she hadn’t thought of that before nodding, “Okay, that makes sense.”

They hear keys jingling in the hallway and both of them jump. Kurt shoos Bethany toward the door and she goes with a skip, making sure to wink at Kurt first.

She opens the door before Blaine can get his keys in and he looks up in surprise before smiling, “Thanks Annie.” He says.

Bethany rocks back and forth once, trying to contain her smile, before sweeping her arm into the apartment, “Right this way.”

Blaine quirks an eyebrow as he toes off his shoes, chuckling at the formal gesture, “What’s going on?”

“Would you just come?” Bethany asks with an eye roll, hooking her arm into Blaine’s and pulling him along.

When they get to the living room Kurt is standing where the coffee table usually sits. Blaine looks back and forth between the pair, “What’s going on?” He asks again.

“Blaine,” Kurt starts and Bethany unhooks her arm and shoves Blaine forward a little. When Blaine is standing in front of Kurt, Kurt grabs both of his hands in his own and continues, “You have brought so much into my life - love, laughter, joy,...Annie.” He winks at Bethany who is standing just behind Blaine and the teenager giggles softly before quieting, “And I know you already proposed to me and technically we’re already engaged but you deserved a proposal as much as I did.” He takes a deep breath and goes down on one knee. Blaine, inhales sharply and his eyes are already moist with tears, “You are the love of my life, you are my everything, and I would be forever grateful if you agreed to marry me.” 

He opens a ring box to reveal a simple platinum band. Blaine stares at it for a long moment, silence ringing in the room before Bethany breaks in, “Would you mind saying yes? Kurt said I could have some champagne after.”

Blaine and Kurt chuckle from their position. Blaine shakes his head and bites his lips together as they quiet before kneeling on the ground in front of Kurt, “I will, of course, marry you.” He whispers before pulling Kurt into a kiss. 

There is clapping this time, too, but only from Bethany as the pair pull apart and Kurt slips the ring onto Blaine’s finger. They beam at each other like they are the only two in the room before Bethany coughs behind them.

They chuckle again, “Did you really tell her she could have champagne?” Blaine whispers.

Kurt smirks, “One glass.” He says.

*Present Day*

“Bethany!” Blaine exclaims.

Bethany freezes with her glass halfway to her mouth and gives her brother a sheepish smile, “Uh….Kurt let me?”

Blaine rolls his eyes and holds up his index finger, “One.” He says as Bethany cheers and takes a sip of wine from her glass.

“Please tell me you aren’t going to be trouble with this whole drinking thing.” Blaine asks, leaning against the bar next to her. The reception has been raging for hours now, dinner long since over, and Blaine is slightly alcohol loose, a lot in love loose, and thoroughly enjoying himself.

Bethany rolls her eyes, “I’m not stupid.” She says and Blaine nods, leaving it at that for now.

“Wanna dance?” He asks, gesturing to the dance floor as a slower song plays over the speakers.

Bethany takes another sip of wine and jerks her head behind her, “Go dance with your husband. He told me half an hour ago that he’s sad you guys haven’t been able to dance as much together with all the entertaining and hosting. I’ll finish my wine and cut in later. Maybe after I ask Finn to dance.” She winks at him and Blaine chuckles as he scans the room for Kurt, who is looking at him from across the room where he’s talking to one of his relatives.

They smile at each other before Kurt pleads, wordlessly, with his eyes and Blaine chuckles before kissing Bethany’s cheek and heading over.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt.” He says when he’s close enough and Kurt’s relative coos at him, “I was wondering if I could steal my husband for a dance.”

The relative, who Blaine is sure he’s been introduced to but can’t remember her name to save his life, agrees easily and Blaine leads Kurt to the dance floor. They settle quickly into each other's arms and Kurt sighs in relief, “Thank you.” He breathes as they start to sway, “My Aunt Jenny is lovely if not a little...over the top.”

Blaine chuckles, “Well, that’s my job now. To save you from well meaning but exhausting relatives. It’s in the contract.”

Kurt’s face suddenly goes somber as they continue to sway and Blaine tilts his head slightly, “What’s wrong?”

Kurt sighs, “I just…” He pauses and cups Blaine’s cheek softly. Blaine looks at him curiously, “Are you upset your parents aren’t here? Were you...expecting them to show up?”

Blaine’s eyes widen in surprise slightly before he chuckles, “Well, considering we didn’t invite them, it would be very strange for them to show up now.”

Kurt sighs again, “Blaine…” He starts.

Blaine sobers before sighing himself and looking off to the side slightly. He notices Finn and Bethany dancing and smiles slightly before turning back to Kurt with one scrunched closed eye, “Maybe...part of me was hoping they might actually show up.”

Kurt’s heart breaks a little at the admission even though he’s the one who asked about it and he’d assumed that was going to be the answer. His heart breaks for Blaine who may never fully heal from the trauma of his past.

He puts his hands on either side of Blaine’s neck and leans in to kiss him softly. He can’t magically make everything okay for Blaine, but he can love him and remind him of how loved he really is.

He plans on spending the rest of his life making sure that happens.

[marciaownsmylife]

Purly Hc - Health Class

* it’s not unknown that soda and darry aren’t too fond of curly being around ponyboy

* and ponyboy knows this, so after their parents’ death he stops hanging out with curly to make things easier them (mostly for soda)

* but then

* dun dun dun

* they get put in the same health class

* they don’t notice for the first semester (is that what they’re called?? idk i’m irish) bc curly doesn’t show up for class at all

* but then it’s sex ed week and ya know curly turns up to that, bc he’s not gonna miss the chance to ask as many absurd and rude questions as he can on those little slips of paper, the ones they give you for anonymous questions

* he probably brings his own so he can have more than one question tbh

* ponyboy sits in the back, like most of his classes, out of habit

* he does this bc most of his classes are filled with socs and he just wants to blend into the background to stay out of trouble

* but curly noticed him right way obv

* “baby curtis! u my partner to compare dicks with this class?!”

* ponyboys face is redder than cherry’s hair at that moment

* he scowls at him and tells him a quick shut up

* curly sits next to him and it doesn’t take long before the reckoning begins

* “hey, hey, hey, ponybutt, hey, do u think when vampire girls get their period they drink the blood?”

* “pony, what’s the difference between an asshole and a vagina hole”

* “dare u to ask ms smith if she enjoys sexual intercourse”

* “ms smith! ponyboy has a question for you!”

* ponyboy barely makes it through the class without slamming curlys head into his desk

* he’s so mad at curlys antics that by the time the bell rings he just stomps out the class before curly can even get up

* but it’s too late, curly knows that they share that class so he shows up to every single one for the rest of the year

* at first he drove ponyboy crazy, but then one class curly learned that if he whispered (or as quiet as his voice can go bc we all know this boy can’t whisper) his comedic genius to ponyboy instead of shouting it to whole class, that ponyboy will giggle and respond with a joke of his own

* curly honestly forgot how funny ponyboy could be when he spoke his mind, since he was so quiet usually.

* most of the time ponyboys quiet remarks had curly sent out of the class for laughing

* ponyboy wont admit it but health class soon became his favourite class

* at the end of the semester the teachers realized it was the only class curly attended so they started putting curly in more of ponyboys classes

* he distracted ponyboy but ponyboy was having fun so he didn’t let his grades slip or let on to darry or soda bc he knew they would do something about it to change their classes

* they become really close and one day curlys like

* “why’d u stop hanging out with man i missed u”

* “darry and soda didn’t like it, they still wouldn’t, but they don’t know”

* after this they start to have like rlly deep conversations aswell as their usually joking around

* like the type you have at 3am at the sleepover deep

* “where do u think u go when u die?”

* “do u believe in ghosts”

* “do u think it’s true jenny got breast implants”

* the last one was curly

* they talked about it for 20 mins

* curly actually started getting okay grades too bc he and ponyboy always paired up for projects and shit

* around the time after christmas break ponyboy starts to develop a crush

* but u already know he doesn’t know what the feeling is for another two months

* curlys always liked ponyboy from afar before this and even more now they have started sharing more classes

* after ponyboy realizes his crush he goes back to being quiet around curly for about a week

* “ponyboy what the fuck why are u being all mime this week”

* he tries to go back to how he usually is but he gets blushy and flustered if curly jokingly flirts with him or he gets jealous if they talked about some girl

* curly notices but he convinces himself he’s overthinking and there’s no way ponyboy had a crush on him

* but it’s curly

* so he flirted more anyway

* and ponyboy was getting more comfortable again so one time he flirted back

* curly was so taken a back that he didn’t speak for the rest of class

* curly doesn’t really blush bc of his complexion but ponyboy could tell he got flustered but the way he bit his lip and started fidgeting with his pen

* after this ponyboy gets the idea of the possibility curly could like him too

* but they’re both so stupid that they dance around eachother for weeks, flirting back and forth and refusing to believe that they could like each other back

* then it happens

* ponyboy is running track one day by himself bc practice got cancelled for some reason and curlys walking out of detention late so he starts to head over

* then he sees the sight that is ponyboy sweating and exhausted and he’s like ohhhh mama

* immediately flustered

* so he sets out to even the score he has in his head (he’s so competitive he’ll make up competitions in his mind) and goes to fluster ponyboy too

* but ponyboy doesn’t see him yet to he head into the changing room

* curlys like shit i have to get him now or i’ll see him half naked and i’ll never win

* ofc he doesn’t consider waiting until pony’s done bc who do u think he is?? curly waits for nothing

* he rushes in and scares the living daylights out of ponyboy

* like this boy jumped like so far curly thought of suggesting he started jumping hurdles

* he also screamed like a girl

* so ye curly flustered him but not in the way he intended to

* “cUrLy wHaT tHe fUcK iS wRoNg WiTh yOu?!”

* curlys still recovering from laughing

* when he calms down he feels bad

* “i’m sorry ponybabes will u ever forgive me” 🥺🥺🥺

* ponyboy is legally not allowed to stay mad at curly sheperd for longer than five minutes if curlys gives him puppy dog eyes (they’ve got nothing on johnnys eyes tho let’s be real)

* pony sighs and has a “fuck it why not” moment and kisses curlys cheek

* “ur forgiven,”

* after his metal glitch curly very quickly accepts defeat in his mental competition

* hA ye right

* no he doesn’t

* tim taught him that sheperds never accept defeat, whether ponyboy knew about the competition or not, curly was not losing

* and that’s how they had their first kiss

and that’s it for today folks, my last jally hc got more notes than i’ve ever gotten lmao i’m bad at interacting with people but i love every single person who likes my shit so thank youuu

[autistic-characterhcs]

Autistic!Wayne (P1)

I wrote this back at the start of summer and thought I should post it here. It’s the introduction for a fanfic I started and kind of dropped from a show called Letterkenny. I think the main character, Wayne, is Autistic. He has some symptoms that are all but text book. 

Warnings: Stronger than usual swearing langue. If you watch Letterkenny, this oneshot is cleaner worded than any given episode. 

Wayne had been diagnosed with Autism when he was eight or ten. His parents knew there was something a little “off” with him but it was Pa’s friend, Dan, who tied everything together. They were going hunting- Dan, Pa, Darry, and Wayne that is- until the trip got rained out. If it was just rain they would have gone but thunder and lightning put a pin in any notion of sitting in a metal framed deer blind.

Pa and Dan didn’t mind that much; they sat at the table chatting with Mumma over a couple of Gus’N’Bruno’s Puppers. Darry was watching cartoons in the living room with Wayne and Katy. Well, sort of. Wayne was mighty antsy and couldn’t sit still for long, so Darry was trying to calm him down. Wayne wasn’t upset the trip was cancelled, they could reschedule. He was irked the plans had changed within an hour’s notice.

“You know, Bens, I thinks Waynes got the Autisms.” Dan said. 

The three of them could see Darry shuffling a deck of playing cards on the coffee table while Wayne watched, his foot bouncing a mile a minute and he kneaded the knees of his pants like he was trying to wring water out of them.

“What’s that now, Dan?” Mumma asked, getting a snack for the kids. 

“Well, I was thinking an’ it fits. My cousin’s nephew’s son has it and Waynes acts sort of simulars to him. Theys both stoics, gots to has a water-tight routine. Theys both move their hands sorts of funnies.” Dan explained. 

Mumma and Pa looked at each other. “What do you figure, honey” Pa asked. “Worth looking into?” 

“If there’s something they can do to help him.” 

Within three appointments Wayne was diagnosed with Autism. Same as always, gas travels fast in a small town so by the end of the week most of Letterkenny knew.

*****

As Wayne, Katy, and Darry got older, peers started bullying Wayne and Darry more. Come middle school, the three of them were pretty good at fighting. However, little gangs often sprouted. If someone picked on Wayne, Katy and/or Darry quickly taught them not to fuck with him. If someone went after Darry without reason or went too far with Katy, Wayne told ‘em where to go. By the time Wayne and Darry graduated high school, most of Letterkenny understood.

*****

When Wayne and Katy’s parents died, Wayne went nearly nonverbal for almost two weeks. He wasn’t one much for words in the first place, so the one and two word answers scared Katy. Wayne hadn’t cried after a week of Mumma and Papa’s death and Katy didn’t know if he was going to; she’d never seen him cry before. 

Two weeks passed before he finally crumbled. He was making breakfast for himself, Katy, and Darry (with some extras for Dan). He’d forgotten to do the dishes the night before, so the spatula he needed wasn’t clean and it drove the final nail in. 

He threw the spoon he had in his hand across the room and a deep growl rose from his throat, his hands tugging hard on his hair. Katy and Darry both jumped when Wayne threw the spoon. Daryl jumped up from his chair and stood behind Wayne, getting a tight grip on his wrists. Slowly, Wayne’s fingers released his hair and Darry steadily lowered Wayne’s hands to his waist. 

“You’re okay, good buddy, you’re okay.” Darry whispered again and again. Once Wayne’s breathing was a little closer to normal, Darry let go of Wayne’s wrists and hugged him tightly. 

With a body shuddering sob,  Wayne’s knees gave out and Darry lowered them to the floor. He moved around Wayne so he could properly hold him as he sobbed. Katy quickly set to flipping pancakes on the stove so they wouldn’t burn. 

Ten minutes later when Dan came in, Wayne was still sobbing into Darry’s shoulder where they sat on the floor. At the 15 minute mark, the heart wrenching sobs that made Katy tear up quieted down and he’d sobbed himself out after a total of 25 minutes. He let himself be held by Darry, being a limp weight. 

Darry backed up slightly so he could see his best friend’s face. His eyes were red; his face red, blotchy, and tear streaked. “Okay, big shooter?” Wayne shakily nodded and Darry pulled him back into the hug. “Got a headache?” Darry guessed. Another nod. “Let’s get you in a chair an’ I’ll get you a tylenol, hm?” There was a pause but Wayne nodded all the same. 

Darryl got Wayne on his feet again and he brought his hands to his head again but Darry caught them around the wrists. “Wayne, eye contact.” He prompted. “Wayne.” Hesitantly, Wayne brought his eyes to meet Darryl’s. “Ya gotta stop pullin’ your hair, buddy. It’s just gonna make your headache worse.” Darryl kept his firm grip on Wayne’s wrists until he got another nod of conformation. As promised, Darry helped Wayne to his usual chair. 

No-one said anything about Wayne’s outburst and he took the two painkillers when Darryl put them in front of him with some water. No-one said anything when Wayne teared up throughout the day, either. 

Dan stayed over more than usual knowing what Wayne and Katy were going through. Dan stayed closer to Wayne and Katy too so he could cheer up the grieving siblings.

*****

Two months passed before a lawyer came knocking and  this fuckin’ idiot got Wayne fully verbal again. 

“We think it would be best to move your sister into a group home,” the case worker said. 

“Hard no.” Wayne didn’t pause, still moving the bales of straw onto the trailer. “This family’s been broke up enough. Katy isn’t going anywhere.” 

“We’re just worried she won’t be provided for with your mental cond-” 

“This doesn’t have anything to do with my Autism. If I was unfit to care for my sister, I’d be unfit to care for myself and someone at the hospital would have told me before I turned 18. We’re staying together.” 

“Mr-” 

“Look, I can take care of my sister just fine. ‘Sides, if it’s me yer worried about I’m never alone with her. Go ask Darryl, Squirrely Dan, and the McMurries what they think. Darry lives with us, he brings in some pay o’ his own and we have friends we can ask for help from if we ever needed it. Give me the papers and I’ll take custody over Katy. She ain’t living under someone else’s roof until she’s 18 or good’n’ready to be living somewhere else.” 

“Are you sure? That’s a lot of stress and burden for someone your age. Especially with you still running the farm.” 

Wayne stopped moving bales of hay and set his stern, squinted eyes on the pair of caseworkers, pointing stiffly at them. “You call my sister a stress and burden one more time an’ I’ll have to go over there and talk to ya.” He put his arm down. “Get me the adoption papers or get the fuck off my property.” 

“We don’t have the papers right now. We didn’t think you were going to…” 

“Then get off my property. Come back with the papers or don’t come back at all.”

*****

Wayne dated Angie for two years before he found out she cheated on him. He wasn’t a fan of being touched by anyone other than Darry or Katy. He’d been perfectly happy with their relationship. All the talking and occasional hand holding but nothing too out of his comfort zone. They’d kiss or make out sometimes but he always felt weird afterwards and he couldn’t pin it as a good thing or a bad thing. 

He heard rumours around town of someone cheating on a “sped” but he ignored it. Despite Letterkenny being pretty small, he didn’t know everyone, so it must have been pert near impossible for it to be about him and his Angie, right? Hard no. Katy told him it was true. She hadn’t mentioned left a bright pink hand print on the cheek of the bastard Angie had cheated on Wayne with. She figured it wouldn’t help her brother’s broken heart. 

It took a lot for Wayne to trust someone and Angie had somehow gotten herself into the farmer’s heart and then stomped it into the dirt when she got bored. Wayne didn’t cry but he didn’t turn down a hug from Katy either. Darry had been there for him too with a couple of Puppers and some stupid jokes he knew Wayne would understand and enjoy.

*****

A year passed before Wayne pieced things together for himself with a little help from Katy. He wasn’t one for talking about his feelings; it made him feel 10-ply. So when he went to Katy to ask questions about her love life, the young woman had some idea of what was going on. 

“How’re ya now?” Wayne sat next to his sister on the couch. 

“Good. ‘N you?” Katy put her phone down and gave Wayne her full attention so he’d know she was listening and wasn’t bored or wanted him to stop talking. 

“Oh, not so bad.” 

“What’s up, Big Brother?” 

“Well, I have a question and don’t completely know how to ask it.” He started off slow. He was still thinking as he spoke but Katy knew how to talk to her brother so she knew it sometime took him a little while longer than most people to get the question just how he wanted it. 

“We can figure out.” She adjusted how she was sitting. 

“You know how you try to go after Bonnie McMurry?” Wayne tried. 

“Bonnie McMurry,” Katy sighed dreamily. “What about her?” 

“Well, before you liked her you were dating the hockey players.” Wayne’s head was racing with how to ask the next part. “How’d you know you liked Bonnie and not another man?” 

Katy was a little taken aback. This was out of character for Wayne. Usually he wanted nothing =to do with Riley and Jonesy aside from tripping them with Darry when they dropped her off before they broke up. “Well, uh… just… I don’t know, Big Brother. There’s just something different, you know? Jonesy and Riley were good for in bed stuff but they didn’t have the brain space put together for a full conversation. With Bonnie, though, she’s smart and can laugh.” 

Wayne thought for a second. This was backwards of what he was going through. All Angie seemed to have wanted was the “in bed stuff” without much of the talking and laughing. Darryl, on the other hand… Darryl made him smile that rare smile only he and Katy- not even Dan anymore- got to see. Angie left Wayne for the exact opposite reason Katy had left the hockeyplayers. He was a good listener but didn’t want anything to do with a bed if it wasn’t for sleeping or relaxing and he didn’t want anything to with touching if it wasn’t a handshake. 

“What’s going on in your head, Wayne?” Katy asked fondly. She knew he was trying to figure something out. 

Wayne’s throat made the little growl it always did when he was thinking too hard. “I don’t know.” 

“Well, what are you trying to figure out?” 

“I figured out why Angie cheated on me.” He said, folding his arms across his chest. “I did not want any of the bed stuff.” 

“That’s alright; some people don’t.” Katy nodded. “Do you like someone else now?” 

“I think so. I don’t know if it is okay.” 

“Who do you like? I can probably tell if they’re into guys,” Katy offered. She knew not to push too far with the question. Wayne had come to her and he wasn’t likely to leave until they got it figured out. “It’s okay. I dated two guys at the same time where all three of us were in the relationship and now I’m chasing after a girl two years younger than me. I’m not in a position to judge anyone.”

“Except Gailer.” 

“Except Gailer.” Katy could give him that one. “So who is the lucky person?” 

“I think… I think it’s Dar.” 

“That’s alright. You two would be cute.” Katy smiled. She happened to know that Darry felt the same way about her brother. The fond and sappy look he’d give Wayne when he was playing with one of the dogs or joking around with Katy.  “You gonna get after him?” 

“I do not know.” 

“Why not? He wouldn’t judge you.” Katy prompted, tapping Wayne’s knee with her socked foot. 

“Because if something were to go wrong then it’s 20 years down the drain.” Wayne tried to reason. “I can trust…” 

“You can trust Daryl, Wayne. He’s one that won’t hurt you and you don’t even have to worry about it. Not even a little.” Katy comforted him. “You don’t have to tell him, but I think he’d want to know the truth, Big Brother.” 

It took Wayne a couple days to say anything- he didn’t really.  Just kissed him casually one morning- but he and Darry were dating by the end of the week.

[angelfiume]

Mouth Like A Sailor Part 1

Hey so I have no idea how to publish a fanfic on tumblr besides just putting it up like this so hopefully this goes well.  I was posting on qoutev but it kept crashing my computer so tumblr it is.

Marlena Curtis May 1965 5 months before    "I hope all of you will take this summer to exercise your minds... You wouldn't want to go into your senior year with a head full of nothing, would you?"  Mr. Mays shouted at the class, he wasn't angry, just obnoxiously loud.  I looked across the room at my brother's best friend, Steve, hoping to have someone to smile with or pass a note too, but he obviously was not interested and instead was tracing the hand of a short girl with bobbed hair.  She was giggling as he made ugly monster claws out of her manicured fingers, it was kind of sweet honestly.  I sighed and leaned back in my chair, looking around the room for anyone else that might be alright with me.  Mr. Mays voice quieted as he saw no one really cared about his speech on polishing the young mind, he resulted to letting us free for the rest of the period.  I rested my head on my arms and decided to spend the class just sleeping instead of awkwardly trying to make conversation with the dry, ginger soc next to me.  She seemed like she wasn't very interested anyways.    The bell rung two minutes in to my daydream, which couldn't have made me happier, I jumped out of my seat and yanked my bag with me out the door.  Finally I could just do jack-shit and paint my nails instead of listening to the same monotone creeps lecture for hours and hours.  I nearly ran down the hallway towards my friends, Sophie and Jean, they were talking fast and smiled big when they saw me running down to see them.    "MARLI, tell your brother you're gonna be at my house tonight baking cookies or some sweet shit, Gene Vincent is gonna be at Sophie's cousin's bar tonight in Oklahoma City!  Her cousin said we can all get in no sweat."  Jean said, she was so excited her heavy eyeliner was creasing from smiling so wide.       

  "Holy shit, Sophie did your cousin really say we can go?  How much money?" I asked with a small twinge in my stomach, the past few months have been pretty tough on my wallet, I really wanted all my money to go into my younger brother's secret college fund.   

 "None baby!  That's a perk of having friends with connections, just pitch in two bucks or so for gas, my daddy is letting me take the Malibu, ain't that exciting?" Sophie cooed, she had this soft voice that could have sounded polite even if she was telling you where it seemed your head was stuck.  She was   rich too, man her family did well.  But she was still my friend, because she didn't care if I lived in a hollowed out coat closet my brother set up for me, she didn't believe in the social class war going on.    

  "I'm in man!  I'll tell Darry I'm going to have a sleepover with ya'll, he won't ask questions, he's too wrapped around the axel with Soda right now."  I grinned at them and listened quietly to the rest of their chatter.  They could get awful excited about something real fast, it was damn cute.     

 We walked out to Jean's boyfriends car, he was a doll, always chauffeuring her and her friends around Tulsa.  Speaking of the devil, Tommy came sprinting down the concrete steps and bear-hugged tiny Jean, making her scream and laugh.  

    "Hello sweetheart, ready to be done with the bullshit for a whole 2 months?" he was another one of those guys that seems to really just shout instead of talk, he nodded to Sophie and I and smiled nicely, "ya'll hangin' or goin' home?" 

   "I can stay a little, we're supposed to be in the City by 9 and we gotta leave at 7 or so.." Sophie chirped    

   "Just straight home for me, thanks, I gotta make an appearance so Darry doesn't get suspicious"  I knew full well that he would expect the worst if I never showed up at home.    I jumped down from Tommy's pick- up and yelled to Jean I would be at her house at 630.  I smoothed out my black corduroy skirt and re-tucked the ratty pink shirt I had owned since 9th grade.  My sneakers crunched down the gravel covering the alley behind my house as I walked towards the backward, where I heard my brother and their friends.  Not even the whole gang was there, but it was still loud as hell.     

          "Hey Marls how was the last day of school?  I  miss anything important?" laughed Two-bit, the rusty haired boy lay lazily on our back steps.      

           "Ha, it was fine, you didn't miss anything important.  Just that Mark guy offered me a whole year supply of marijuana if I would flash the principal at the assembly this morning"  I told him as I took a carton out of my bra and lit a smoke, I giggled a little when I saw him cock an eyebrow.  The nimrod probably thought I went through with it.     

           "So ya did it right?"  Demanded a bored looking Dallas Winston.  He sat next to my twin Soda, who was laughing quietly to himself, he probably knew I was too much of a wimp to leave school one some crazy note like that.   

           "Nah," I took a long drag, "I could get that shit for free by just winking at some of the squares in this town... But anyways, where did Darry go?  He working late or something?"   

           "No, he should be home in ten minutes or so, you gonna bail soon?" Soda asked   

            "Around 6ish I'm going over to Jean's, Sophie and I are gonna spend the night with her."  I told him without much worry, I was used to making up white lies at this point, Soda would likely not even care that I was going into the big city tonight, maybe he'd even think it was tuff I was sneaking off to a high class bar with my socy friends.   

             "Ain't Jean that middle-class broad with the giant jugs?" Dally half-joked, it was almost a long running gag that we had, since he couldn't make a move on me, being three of the gangs' sister, he has always tried his best to get at my friends.    I just rolled my eyes and took another drag of my cigarette, lettings the boys' conversation go this way and that and just listen.  That's kinda been my go-to lately, when my mom and dad died three months ago I lost a lot of my talkative edge.  Shit it's been three months already... I pushed my body lightly off of the side of the house and dragged myself inside.  My room really was just a scraped out coat closet.  I ain't gonna complain too bad about it though, Darry really did make it alright and it wasn't even too small of a closet to begin with.  Hell, if we were able to fit my little mattress and even my record player I bought when I was 11, it can't have been that bad.  My stomach was beginning to feel a little green, I had been smoking like a chimney since I got home, and my room ain't too breezy so that tobacco stench really liked to hang around.   

           "Marlena?" I heard my oldest brother knocking at my door, he opened it and immediately looked a little peeved, "Oh lordy!  Did ya just set a whole carton of marbolos on fire?  It's a goddamn wildfire in here, you keep smoking like this and I'm gonna have to start checking what you buy at the store now, ya dig?"    

           "Yeah, I know.  Hey Darry?"  I said, without the slightest intention of cutting down on my habit, "I'm gonna go to Jean's tonight, Sophie will be there too, that cool?"    "That's fine" he said walking back to the kitchen.  I followed him out and just followed suit, he got a glass of water, I got one too.  We didn't even talk the whole time,  he's kinda been quiet lately too.  When our parents died in that accident everyone took on a different kind of burden, but sometimes I think Darry feels like he took the whole load, and maybe that's why he's so damn stressed. Coming home from the funeral with my brothers felt like I had just taken a few strangers from the graveyard and said "you'll do."  Darry used to be that real fun, hilarious older brother.  We used to go out all the time and just talk about everything.  We would talk about how mom was a little too harsh sometimes on people and that it was pretty funny that dad would just push her buttons when she would get annoyed by the little things.  My youngest brother, Ponyboy, well he just downright terrifies me the way their deaths changed him.  He didn't use to be so dreamy all the time, he always had a big imagination, but this time it's different, he tried to follow mom and dad's souls up to heaven and got stuck somewhere between space and the East Side.  Sodapop though, he seemed to take it the healthiest, he wasn't shy about bawling and howling like an idiot at the funeral.  He had to express how he felt, so he did.  But one thing that did change was the side of him people usually forgot about started to rear its ugly head just a little more every once in a while.  Soda is charming and nice, but he's also reckless and clumsy and he won't look before he just starts running.  I'm not trying to  but my brothers in  a bad light though, I certainly haven't been perfect since the accident either.

             Jean's dad was in the army, and her mom was a nurse, so they got along pretty okay.  She wasn't by any means rich, but she surely never had a shortage of cash by the end of the month.  Her house was just a quick bus ride from my neighborhood, it was two stories, well kept, and all the bathrooms were pink.  I knocked on the door and not even a second later it was the bermuda triangle of "can you answer that?" between her and her parents.  It was her mom who came to the door, she was a real neat lady.  Joan's mom was actually real tough, she had a hard life as a kid and she don't have the easiest job in the world.

    "Hello Marls!  Don't you look like a doll tonight?"  She smiled up at me, I am pretty tall for a girl and I usually tower over most ladies I meet. 

   "Thank-you Mrs. Massey, it's just my school clothes, but I figured it would be alright for tonight, ha," I tried my best to sound like a nice girl, but she was just so damn down to earth I really don't think she'd judge me too harsh.  She let me in and walked me all the way to Jean's room, asking about my brothers and if Pony was proud of himself that he came in 2nd at his last track meet.  It was nice talking to a mom.

      Jean popped up from the floor when I walked in, "You ready to leave soon?  I just gotta find my lipstick and Sophie will be here soon, we're gonna get burgers at Dairy Queen on the way out of  town, my mom gave me food money if any of us need."  she spoke briskly and with a butt-load of excitement. 

   "Yeah I'm all set" I giggled quietly as she threw tubes of makeup to the floor trying to find her token lipstick. She got it and we tumbled down the stairs just as Sophie was pulling up to the house.

[scurvgirl]

Goodbye Earl

Technically not a song in the Sabrina soundtrack, but it fits too well. 

House Witch AU!

Selene, Des, Darevas, and Felasel belong to @selenelavellan

Thenvunin and Screecher belong to @feynites

Warnings for: Mentions of abuse, blood, violence, and death

“Selene, I don’t think it’s that bad,” Serahlin says into the phone as she assembles tomorrow’s dinner.

“There was one raven this morning, and I thought it was a coincidence. Now that the boys are home, there are three. They’re just...watching the house, with their black, beady eyes.” She can just picture Selene eyeing the ravens from the living room, pulling back the curtain to see a large black bird birched on the porch railing.

Serahlin sighs, “They are blessed, Selene, I am sure that comes with oddities such as flocking ravens. Perhaps this is a reward for freeing them of Haleir! You already have your magic, a blessing couldn’t take root in you, but your boys….” As much as Serahlin knows the boys are better off without their fathers, there are still bits and pieces of guilt that rack her. Ileth won’t receive closure with his father, but then again, she doesn’t think ever would have. And while it was certainly justified for both men to die, she still worries that they have done more harm than good. 

“I’m not so sure about that,” Selene whispers so faint that Serahlin almost doesn’t hear it. Her brow furrows and she is about to ask what Selene means when Selene quickly excuses herself, “I have to go, their parent-teacher conference is in twenty and I still need to find suitable pants.”

“Good luck!” Serahlin says before the line clicks off. Really, she worries too much. She worries about the detectives (Templars), she worries about the blessings. Serahlin gets the paranoia in a way, Darris certainly instilled in her a level of constant observation that left her exhausted and immensely resentful, but she worries about Selene. The only place she lets the boys be without her is school. When the boys have a sleepover at Serahlin’s house, Selene comes too, which is not an issue at all with Serahlin - but what if the boys make mortal friends? She can’t just sleep over at some random mortal’s house.

Selene will heal and process things in her own time, Serahlin supposes. In the meanwhile, they’ll look after the boys and make their small coven as resilient as possible. Ideally covens range between eight and ten adult people, covens much bigger tend to run into issues. Being a coven with two can be risky since other covens could war, or other magical beings could prey on them. Still, it’s better than being a solitary witch.

Serahlin finishes prepping the casserole and pops it into the refrigerator. With that done, she starts making a new batch of candles. Selene could use some that are enchanted for both warding and serenity.

She is finishing up the incantation over the beeswax when -

CRASH! Glass shatters in the conservatory - only one room over from the playroom where Ileth is coloring!

Serahlin runs out of the kitchen, grabbing a knife and readying a spell in hand to cast out the intruder. It could be a witch or a Templar, or a malicious spirit -

It is the world’s ugliest bird, flapping and squawking about. No, not a bird - a familiar. She shifts the energy in her hand to an immobilization spell. Crossing her fingers she recites -

“Flap and caw no more, you are still, rooted to the floor.” She casts the energy to the familiar and all at once it ceases movement. After a moment it makes a bird noise that she can only guess is frustration.

“Risin!” She calls. Familiars can communicate with each other even if witches can’t exactly communicate directly with familiars that are not their own. Her familiar trots into the conservatory and jumps up next to the bird and begin to speak. Risin’s ears go back and he hisses before leaping back over to Serahlin.

“His name is Screecher. His witch is being held by The Dark One on the edge of town. Dark magicks are preventing him from reuniting with the witch.”

“And what is this witch’s name?” It’s not surprising by any stretch of the imagination that there are more witches in the area. But it is surprising that the familiar would come here for help - question is, did the familiar come on his own or did his witch send it?

“Who is this Dark One?” Familiars tend to have their own code for these sorts of things but the code isn’t readily translatable to witches much of the time. Risin growls and the bird, if that’s even what it is, makes a distressed warbling noise.

Ileth of course chooses that moment to walk in, “What’s going on, Memae?”

“I will explain later, right now you need to go to your room and light the special candle - can you do that?” To light the candle, he just needs to swipe his thumb over a little rune at the base of the candle. He nods and dashes out of the room and up the back staircase.

“The Dark One steals power and is hurting that one’s witch. He wants help.”

Stealing power? Serahlin hisses in a breath. A warlock, but so close to home? That is...that is not good.

“That is a very serious accusation, Risin.”

“The Dark One is serious.” A glow overtakes Risin’s eyes, turning a bright blue that sends a chill down Serahlin’s spine.

Warlocks are rare for good reason. One, it’s difficult to become one. Where a witch gains power through familiar, book, and coven, a warlock sublimates the need for a coven by acquiring the power from other witches. To be a fully realized warlock is to have at least one book dedicated to each of the gods, nine in total. The witches’ entirety of power is cast into the book, caging the witch, and then binding the witch and their power to the warlock.

When Darris had first trapped Serahlin in this marriage, she had worried she was his first victim, but he had only wanted her.

Second, witches who suspect other witches of becoming a warlock, or are leaning towards that path, said witch is often removed from society one way or another. 

If a warlock has truly taken up residence in the town, he must be dealt with, and quickly. He is a threat to her, Selene, and their boys. She will need to confirm this information, though. To ready for a warlock on the assurance of a familiar she does not know is poor planning.

Serahlin steps to the bird and looks down at him, “We will go to this house tomorrow while my son is in school, and I will be back home in time for the parent teacher conference - I absolutely cannot miss that. If your witch is truly in trouble, I will do what I can to help. Agreed?” She looks over at Risin who watches the bird for a long moment.

“He is agreed.”

Serahlin waves off the paralysis spell and the bird promptly falls to the floor with an indignant squawk.

“If so much as squawk at my son, I will show you how good I am with the rotisserie,” she threatens. Screecher squawks but then makes a cooing noise.

“He gets it. He’s...a bit odd, I don’t understand much of his thoughts.” Risin follows Serahlin out of the conservatory and back into the kitchen. She has to restart with the candles, which is fine. If she’s going to fight a warlock, she is going to need very specific spelled candles to deal with him.

**

Screecher tries to preen Ileth before he heads to school. Risin says something about Screeching calling Ileth a hatchling, which she supposes makes sense. Risin referred to Ileth as kitten for awhile. Ileth laughs and pats Screecher on the head, calling him a good bird before she ushers him into the car. After dropping Ileth off at school, she calls Selene over and explains the situation.

“A warlock. Shit,” Selene says.

“My exact sentiments. But we need to confirm that he’s a warlock and not just a nefarious witch.” Hence why Serahlin had changed into a pink tweed suit to pose as an AVON saleswoman. She adjusts the pillbox hat on her head as Selene simmers the concealing potion on the stove. She adds a single lyrium salt crystal to the mixture, causing it to POOF into the air. Selene waves at the air, switches the heat off with the snap of her fingers and transfer the potion into an emptied hairspray bottle. She screws the top back onto the bottle and shakes it thoroughly.

“Twirl.” Serahlin does as she instructs and spins slowly while Selene sprays the potion all over her. It’s scentless and invisible and will completely disguise her magic to any other witch that she doesn’t have a blood pact with.

“How do I look?” Serahlin asks, striking a pose with her hands on her hips with her best sales smile. She is a vision of pink upscale stay-at-home mom who sells AVON while her husband is at The Office. Her stilettos are sharp and she’s got a couple of hidden knives on her, plus a recorder in her little cap.

The bird familiar informed Risin that his witch, a man by the name of Thenvunin, is a fan of nice lotions and perfumes. Serahlin raided her stash of samples from the salespeople who still liked to stop by because she bought a few lipsticks once. Each sample was then infused with magical nourishing serums Selene had the kindness to brew. Warlock or not, there is clearly something bad happening and it sounds like Thenvunin could use all the help he can get to break away.

“Perfect, like one of those snowballs you can buy at the store.” Just the look she was going for. She grabs a matching purse as they go through the plan.

“I’ll go in while you wait in the car, you should hear everything in the pin,” Serahlin flashes the small pin they enchanted to funnel all audio to Selene’s cuff earring. “I’ll set the case down and activate the spell to sense all types of magicks in the house. That should be enough.”

“What if he doesn’t let you in?” Selene asks and Serahlin purses her lips.

“Then I’ll have to somehow sneak in as a cat and place the spell to sense the magicks. It just needs to be planted and then six hours later - we have a full report of what kind of magic is in the house.” They could just break in like this, but it’s rude to break into a fellow witch’s home, even with a warlock on the loose. She also wants to speak with Thenvunin, see what the damage is and help him in any way she can.

They have spent most of the day preparing, and they only have an hour and half before she has to get over to the school for Ileth’s parent teacher conference. She can do this, in and out.

Selene takes a seat on the passenger side of Serahlin’s car. Screecher, Risin, and Des sit in the backseat and direct Serahlin to a neighborhood thirty minutes away. It’s a neighborhood full of those new construction houses with the beige colored brick and tacky front-facing garages. It’s devoid of character and the only prestige that comes with the houses are the gargantuan sizes. Serahlin’s home may be a spacious six bedroom, but at least it has some personality to it. These homes are just...plain.

She’s surprised that a witch chose to hole up in an area like this. They’re naturally drawn to more historical places that have character and time to attract spirits and other energies. For a moment, she worries that it is not a warlock or even a nefarious witch “imprisoning” Thenvunin, but a mortal with their mortal expectations.

Thenvunin’s house is one of the smaller builds, a more modest one-story with a long driveway and a stone path leading to the white front door. There is a bird house and bird bath out front and a wind chime hanging from another tree by the front door, but other than that, there isn’t much personality. Serahlin parks the car.

“What a stifling place to live,” Serahlin comments as she rights her cap and grabs her case.

“Remember, in and out. Set the absorber, and get out!” Selene reminds her as Serahlin steps out of the car.

“Screecher does not feel the Dark One’s presence. His car is absent - a rare event,” Risin mews from the backseat. Excellent, she would just bop in, place the absorber and speak a little with Thenvunin then bop right back out.

She heads up the stone walkway and rings the doorbell. A few moments later, the door cracks open.

“Hello?” A tall man asks. She can see the faint wisps of magic floating around him, dimmer and fewer in number than they ought to be. His hair is long and fair blonde, his eyes a lovely shade of green. He is a beautiful man, turned gaunt and weak.

“Hello! My name is Serah and I wanted to give you a few Avon samples!” She gives him a bright smile and tilts her head somewhat as the small enchantment spell she’d cast over her clothes begins to take effect.

“What sort of samples?” He asks and she displays the case.

“We just got new rejuvenating and hydrating lotions as well as some truly lovely perfumes.”

He hesitates for a moment before opening the door, “Come in, it’s been awhile since I purchased new products.” She follows him into the house, the door clicking shut behind her. 

“Sometimes it is just so difficult to get to the store,” she says, keeping the bubbly personality charade, “I have a son and getting to the store with all of his activities and my life - well, it just doesn’t happen much. Oh what a lovely living room!” It is in fact, not a lovely living room. The drapes are dull, the couch is brown, and the carpet is a beige color trying to be white. This is not the home of a witch, this is a mortal’s home.

“Yes...I haven’t managed to get to a store in awhile. My name is Thenvunin by the way.”

“What a pleasure, Thenvunin,” she says, shaking his hand. His magic has been nearly drained, and what remains is the barest amount tied to Screecher. It certainly feels like the work of a warlock, but the house says mortal.

Serahlin sets the case down on the coffee table and pops it open. She takes out the lotion sample with the strongest concentration of serum.

“This is our best seller. It is super hydrating, rejuvenating, and smells wonderful.” She hands the bottle over to him and “knocks over” another sample bottle. “Oops!” She ducks under to grab the bottle with the small absorber bag. She attaches it to the underside of the coffee table and rises back up with the fallen bottle.

Thenvunin rubs a little of the lotion onto his hands and he sighs, “This feels heavenly.”

“That is wonderful to hear! Here is a catalogue to order it from at your own time. And now this is good for someone special in your life. Are you married, Mr. Thenvunin?” She asks, her voice saccharine sweet. Thenvunin’s eyes grow shadowed and his lips thin.

“I...was. I live with someone else now, and he’ll be back soon. I don’t think he would care for someone being here. Thank you for the catalogue, Miss Serah, but I must ask you to leave.” He ushers her out the door and locks it behind her.

Well then. She did what she could and ultimately fulfilled the mission. Still, she cannot help but feel there is something decidedly wrong happening here. He was married? Yet he lives with someone else. It’s all very curious.Witches have long mourning periods as is custom, and remarried witches are seldom heard of, except in cases like Serhlin's or Selene's.

Serahlin gets back into the car and pulls away from the curb.

“Well? What did you find?” Selene asks.

Serahlin purses her lips, “There could be a warlock. There is definitely something going on in that house.” Thenvunin's aura had definitely been dimmed similarly to Selene's when Haleir had her book. It stands to reason then that Thenvunin's book is definitely not in his rightful possession and control.

“The absorber should be finished by the time we get the boys to bed. Why don't I bring Ileth over after the conference and we can brainstorm.”

“Sounds good. I really hope it's not a warlock. The boys…” Selene trails off but Serahlin knows her worry. With the twins being so young and to apparently be blessed, they are exceptionally encticing targets, and with each day that that brings them close to their sixth birthday, the more enticing they become. As much as the sixth birthday is beloved and celebrated, it is also when a young witch is most vulnerable to the attacks of other witches. It is forbidden by common witch law to prey upon children, but warlocks have already forsaken witch law - there is no telling what they will or won't do.

“Whatever comes, we will handle. Our boys will be kept safe.” Serahlin tries to reassure Selene, but it's difficult when she holds similar worries for Illeth. He is only three weeks away from his birthday. Can they dispatch a warlock before then? If there is one...they will have to.

But now that she has fulfilled this part of the day, it is time to put on her mom hat and head over to the school for the parent-teacher conference. There is no time to change so she heads directly to the school. Selene thankfully understands and agrees to simply wait with the twins on the playground while Serahlin sits in with Mr. Paenir.

There is scarcely any time left when she pulls into the school’s parking lot. She barely has the mind to take off the pillbox hat before dashing into the school. Her hair is still pulled into a formal bun and her face is painted to sell makeup, so it is...more than she normally wears. For once, she feels the slightest bit self conscious as she walks through the halls as other wealthy mothers waiting for their own conferences to begin watch her.

She can feel the whispers as they take in her pink tweed glory. It’s too soon, they say, to be wearing such a bright color after her husband’s death. She should still be shrouded in black and it should be clear she is sad, but not so clear that her face is puffy.

Sometimes she quite loathes the rich’s social expectations and constraints.

The kindergarten hallway is bright and the walls are decorated with art and projects each of the classes have done. Ileth and the twins’ class is the last door on the right, surrounded by a large caterpillar created by construction paper and little stripes that have barely legible facts about caterpillars and butterflies on them. Ileth is sitting outside of the room with a few of the other students, coloring what looks to be a scene of playing puppies.

“Memae!” Ileth shouts when he sees her, scrambling to his feet to run over to her. She cannot help the smile that spreads across her face as she dips down and wraps her arms around him in a hug.

“There’s my baby! How was your day?” She kisses the top of his head before he begins to wriggle, eager to tell her everything.

“We went on a bug hunt!” He announces, “And I found the grasshopper!”

“You did? That’s wonderful! Okay, I’m going to go talk to Mr. P now, and then we’re going over to Darevas and Felasel’s house.”

“Is it a sleepover?” Ileth asks excitedly. Serahlin nods and he pumps his fist in the air.

“Yes!”

She laughs, any discomfort over the other mothers forgotten as she steps into the classroom.

She knocks on the door jam, making the young teacher jolt in his seat before lifting his head to her.

A wide smile lights up his face and he bustles out of his seat, “Mrs. Elethari! I’m so glad you could make it!”

“Oh, I couldn’t miss this. Ileth’s education is a big priority.” She takes a seat in one of the small chairs at an equally small table. Mr. Paenir plops into the seat next to hers after grabbing a file off his desk.

He’s a tall man, handsome with his golden hair pulled into a loose bun and his button-up shirt’s sleeves folded up to his elbows, revealing shapely forearms. 

She may be a widow, but she’s not dead. Besides, it wasn’t like her sex life was exactly active for the last few years. Darris may have been an ass, but she also had her ways of making sure he never turned into that. Such ways included being exceptionally good with knives, guns, and self-defense. 

“That is great to hear! Ileth is doing well overall. He has made some really pretty things in art - and he’s getting better about coloring inside the lines.” He hands over several lovely pictures her son has made, along with little projects that have lots of cutouts and glitter sprinkled over everything. Her heart warms at them all and a proud smile spreads across her face as she flips through them. Mr. Paenir also shows her his work with writing, practicing letters and putting them together to form sight words.

“He’s doing great with the technical aspects of school - the projects and listening and reading - but I’ve noticed he has been a bit...down lately. He said his father recently passed away?” His voice turns soft and concerned. While he doesn’t know that Darris was horrendous person and she’s glad to be rid of him, the sympathy is appreciated, particularly as it applies to her son.

Serahlin plays the part, allowing her face to fall slightly and to perhaps feel a little sadness at the lack of a father figure in Ileth’s life.

“Thank you. It happened so suddenly. I’m doing the best I can to help ileth adjust, but...he’s just a baby still, really.” Her poor baby, feeling so down and sad about the loss. She supposes she hasn’t paid enough attention to it recently with everything that happened with Selene and the twins.

“Of course. I’ve brought him to the school counselor a few times. Have you thought about taking him to see a therapist? Just to help him work through all the emotions he must be feeling right now.” The man certainly is sweet, keeping his voice low and understanding even as he tells her thing she does not want to hear.

“I hadn’t but that is a good thought. I want to do everything I can to make sure he’s okay.”

“Of course!” He says, “and I am not saying you’re not, by no means - Ileth is a good kid and very bright. This is just something where a professional may help.” She agrees with him. It is something she will need to investigate. She can’t stand the thought that Ileth is hurting or confused or needs help and isn’t getting the support he needs. Perhaps she should suggest it to Selene as well. The boys may be better off, but that doesn’t mean they’re not confused or missing someone who has always been there.

Serahlin leaves the conference feeling concerned but also so proud of her young son. He is smart and clever and truly has been incredible in adapting to everything that has been thrown at him. Losing a parent is not easy, least of all for the young, even if the parent was awful. Perhaps it’s even more difficult, the guilt at feeling relieved that they’re gone.

Ileth skips over to her after she leaves the room, smiling brightly up at her. The light catches his multi-colored eyes and his hair has a shine to it that makes him look shrouded in moonlight.

“What did he say?”

“He said you are doing great! You are one smart kid.” She takes his hand and they start to walk down the hall to where Selene and the twins are playing.

The rest of the evening is spent in domestic bliss with the kids. Except for the part on getting the boys to eat their vegetables. For some reason, green beans are suddenly the most intolerable things in the world. Towards the end of the stand-off, Serahlin wonders if it is unethical to ensorcel your kids to eat their damn veggies. They eventually negotiate that each boy is to eat three green beans each, which is at least something.

Selene and Serahlin put the boys to bed in one room then return to the parlor to review whatever the absorber has revealed. Serahlin empties the bag connected to the absorber onto a small tray. The small bundles of herbs fall, sizzle, then catch fire - except the flames are black.

“Shit,” Selene says at the site of the black flames. Serahlin’s heart falls and a more intense worry blooms in its place.

There is definitely a warlock in Thenvunin’s home, and judging by Thenvunin’s low energy and demeanor - he’s not the warlock, but the victim, just as Screecher said.

“Now what do we do?” She asks, staring at the black smoke in despair. She wants to help Thenvunin, she does, but her and Selene have kids. But they can’t just stand by and do nothing, the longer the warlock drains Thenvunin, the powerful they become, and the greater threat they’ll pose to Serahlin, Selene, and the boys. It leaves them with one course of action.

They have to fight.

Serahlin and Selene stay up later into the wee hours of the morning, pouring over their Books of Spells as well as the libraries both Haleir and Darris had locked away. By the time they need to take the boys to school, they’ve formulated a plan.

They nap for a couple hours after dropping the boys off at school, then set to work. Serahlin grabs the shotgun out of Darris’s study and rolls the shells in a spell-bath of dispel and destroy. Selene made the mixture.

“Where did you learn to shoot a gun?” Selene asks while Serahlin cleans and loads the shotgun. She smiles and shrugs slightly.

“Memae always believed in knowing how to defend yourself in all manners of ways, not just magically.” She slides the shells into the barrel and closes it. With a little murmured spell over the barrel for accuracy, she feels like this not-so-little weapon is ready.

After setting the gun aside, Serahlin starts working on the silencer barrier. It’s an herb pack that will seal off any noises encircled within it. 

The boys have an after-school program today, so they don’t need to worry about them until five. Around one, they’re finally prepared to go see Thenvunin and his warlock.

The SUV gets loaded with all sorts of magical equipment and they suit up themselves. Serahlin opts for some hefty work-out leggings, the new kind with the mesh pockets, and some good sneakers that give her arch support. Her hair goes up into a tight bun with lots of hairspray to prevent any of that unfortunate slippage always seen in movies. Sure, it looks good, but long hair can reduce visibility and she is taking no chances with a warlock.

Selene is dressed similarly, though there is a bigger sense of unease around her. On the way to Thenvunin’s, Serahlin takes Selene’s hand.

“It’s going to be okay.” She has to believe that.

Before long, they’re parked a block away. Des and Risin hop out with the noise barrier pouches. They’re to carry the herbs around the house so no unsuspecting mortal hears the goings on in that house. That horrible, horrible house.

Really, how did Thenvunin end up in this house anyways? Warlocks were once witches, their tastes veer towards closer to witches. But this house has mortal written all over it.

Perhaps...perhaps Thenvunin’s husband was mortal? It would certainly potentially weaken him, making him an excellent target for a warlock. Not all mortal partners are bad, Serahlin has heard of a few who were able to adapt to the life. But there is a danger to being with one - they can have expectations, inflexibilities that are incompatible with magical practices. When a witch stops practicing, they make themselves vulnerable, their magic slowly becoming more distant.

“Alright, I get him with the shotgun, which has enough magic poured into it to stun him, hopefully drain some magic from him. While I shoot him, you get out the potions to strip him further of magic. After the third bomb, we recite the banishing spell.” Serahlin reviews and Selene nods. It’s a guns blazing approach, which she’s torn on. They could try and sneak into the house, but that risks getting caught and split apart. They can’t afford that risk.

“Warlock black magic here, purify purify magic instill, so warlock may wither, warlock we kill. Three times should do, right?” Selene asks, going over the bombs in her pack. Serahlin nods, checking to make sure the shotgun is loaded properly. The pump-action has five shells before needing to be reloaded, so she will just need to be as accurate as she can. The tight confines of the house will help with that. 

Just have to remember all the shooting practice Memae had me do.

They send the familiars off to create the sound barrier and to find the warlock’s familiar. That creature, whatever it may be needs to be waylaid to not interfere. 

Everything in place, they leave the car and head over to Thenvunin’s house. 

The shotgun’s glamored to look like she’s simply carrying a large scroll case and it lets her walk right up to Thenvunin’s door with Selene. Serahlin knocks on the door and waits.

It is not Thenvunin who opens the door, but a tall man with cruel eyes.

“Why, what do we have here?” He asks.

Serahlin does not hesitate to raise her hand, “Get thee away from me!” She flicks her wrist and he goes flying into the house, crashing into the coffee table.

“Quickly now!” She says, following him into the room, shifting the shotgun into her grip. Selene tosses a weakening bomb at the Warlock. Purple smoke explodes all over him even as he gathers energies to himself.

“Stalking?!” Thenvunin calls from somewhere else in the house.

“We are being attacked! Come to me!” The man calls.

“Stay away, Thenvunin!” Serahlin says before firing a round into the warlock’s arm.

“AH!” He screams but the shot doesn’t seem to otherwise phase him as he leaps from the smoke. Serahlin fires off another shot before he tackles her to the ground, snatching her gun away. Long, gnarled fingers closer around her neck as his facade falls away to reveal his new bestial nature.

Long, yellowed fangs bared from hissing mouth, cracked lips and saliva drip down. Serahlin struggles against his hold, remembering her self-defense. Aim for the eyes! Knee up to groin! But this creature does not respond like a man.

“Get off her!” Selene screams, “Go far, off of her!” Serahlin feels the tickle of magic but he counters it, sending Selene careening into the foyer.

“Selene!”

“Ah, Sylaise, I feel it on you,” he hisses, dragging claws down her throat, drawing blood. She screams, thrashing at the pain. Her magic! She can feel it being pulled! Even Ileth’s!

“NO!” She shoves at him, pulling at her magic to throw him, dispel him, weaken him - something! He forces her down, fingers encircling her throat.

“Stalking!” Thenvunin shouts again. She thinks he’s at the foot of the stairs? “What are you doing?!”

“They attacked our home!” He wails.

“He’s a warlock, Thenvunin! He’s been draining you!”

“SHUT UP!” The warlock, Stalking apparently, sends a bolt of magical pain through her body. A scream wrenches itself from her throat and she flails against it, against him.

“No…”

**

This was a bad idea. Selene knew it was bad idea to come here and challenge a warlock in his territory, but she also knew it was a worse idea to let him drain this Thenvunin and then come for her newly formed coven. Her babies.

When he countered her spell, throwing her back, she thinks she landed poorly on the console table. Her legs tingle and her head feels light. Her magic feels different too - while it used to lurk deep inside her, ready for her to harness, it feels like it is just underneath her skin, moving like her blood. Now, her magic seems to run along her skin. But it doesn’t quite feel like her own either.

She can feel the air - that warlock is trying to quickly drain Serahlin, he hasn’t harvested a witch dedicated to Sylaise. Or maybe he has and just likes the taste.

She blinks and everything seems to slow down -

There is Serahlin on the floor with the warlock on top of her. To Selene’s left is who she presumes is Thenvunin, white-blonde hair flying around him as he runs. There are dark circles under his eyes and he is skinny for his form, his clothes seeming to hang on him more than they should.

This warlock has taken much.

Her magic, now coursing so fast and strong, surrounds her back, sinking deep to the bones and nerves. The tingling disappears and she rises from her prone position. Why is everything so slow? There is so much magic in the air, it begins to color the actual room. Pink and white surround Serahlin, slowly being swallowed up by the festering mustard yellow of the warlock. It’s sickening.

But what can she do? She can’t throw an alchemical bomb without catching Serahlinin in the blast. And what will Thenvunin do? Will he come to the warlock’s aid? Does he even have enough strength to do anything?

Selene blinks and turns her head just enough to catch herself in a mirror across the room. Shock, and no small amount of horror, takes hold of her. Her hair is glowing white, the strands from her pony-tail waving with fictitious wind. But it’s her eyes that are the most startling - once green now glow bright blue.

“What is this?” She whispers.

Her magic swells as if in answer. Two other fonts are at the fore, moreso than her own magic and she knows - these magicks are her sons’. And she can use them.

The dark being she made a deal with comes back to mind as she pulls deep within herself, at the magic swirling around her now. The warlock dies now.

When she speaks, it is in a tongue older than even the old tongue they know. It is ancient and powerful and it sinks claws deep into the warlock’s form. She moves her hand back and he moves with the gesture.

Feeling the magic, his attention snaps to her.

“Dirthamen?”

“Shut up,” she says. Not the most eloquent, no, but she’s had enough of all this talk of Dirthamen and her babies. She has power enough to kill this asshole. So that’s what she does.

She commands the magic to sink deep inside of him, to loose all the magic he has stolen. He screams, writhing as she flails him from the inside out.

Loose all of your secrets,

Tell no more lies,

Return what you stole,

Then die.

The words fill her mind, power exploding from her as if shot through a cannon. The magic rips the warlock apart from the inside out, unraveling stolen magic, and tearing him into pieces in the process.

The warlock explodes in a flurry of light and magic, filling the room with a riot of colors that move in every which way. Time reverts to normal as do her eyes and hair. All the magic in her body seems to give way.

One moment it’s there, the next, gone. With her magic, go her legs, collapsing to the floor in a huff.

What. The. Fuck. Was that.

She is almost too scared or too pissed to dwell too much on it. The boys are blessed, the dark pact she made - it’s too much to think about and yet it seems imperative that she has to now.

Well, shit.

She can just hear Des’s I told you so.

“Wha - Selene!” Serahlin cries, crawling over to Selene. There are claw marks all over her neck, blood staining her shirt, but still she crawls to Selene to see how she is.

“Serahlin, you’re hurt.” Selene reaches into her fanny pack - an exceptionally convenient invention for witches everywhere - and pulls out an elfroot poultice. She pulls Serahlin down to sit, who is quick to go.

“What’s going on, I-I, what happened to Stalking?!” Thenvunin sputters, stumbling into the room. He gapes in horror at the dark mark covering the wall in a way that can only be described as an oversized splat. Selene glances over at him as she opens the poultice.

“Long story short, the man living with you was a warlock. Your familiar brought us to you to help. He was stealing your power, your very soul. We had to kill him.” She turns back to Serahlin and begins to apply generous amounts of the poultice to the slash marks. Serahlin hisses at the contact, even as Selene whispers little soothing spells. The wounds are mostly superficial, and the warlock thankfully missed the jugular.

“You’re wrong! He was helping me! Making me strong so I could - well that’s none of your business!” He shouts and Selene winces at the noise.

“Think, Thenvunin, did he ever actually make you feel stronger? Or did he just seem stronger?” Serahlin asks softly, wincing still..

He shakes his head, “You don’t know what was happening. You - you’re the Avon saleswoman!” He shouts, “You lied! You infiltrated my home!”

“He was a warlock. Here, I’ll show you.” Serahlin reaches under the now broken coffee table and reveals the small absorber she placed yesterday. She squeezes the bag and black smoke rises. “Did you not see how he turned into his true form when he attacked me? Witches do not do that. But you know that.”

He stares at the smoke for a long moment before a broken, warbling sound escapes him. He falls back against the wall, hand rising to his lips in horror.

“No,” he protests even as he begins to accept the truth. Selene’s heart hurts for him. She and Serahlin always knew their husbands were horrible, abusive monsters. But realizing the abuses heaped upon you suddenly like this?

“You’re free now. We will ask nothing of you,” Serahlin says, turning from Selene and the poultice to crawl over to Thenvunin.

“Why would anyone do this?” He whispers as Serahlin reaches him.

“Some people are just evil and awful, only interested in power,” Selene says as Serahlin takes his hand. He swallows and begins to cry.

“He...he said Seth died because I wasn’t strong enough and that he would make me stronger,” he whispers. Rage fills Selene and she almost wishes she could kill the warlock all over again.

“Was Seth your husband?” Serahlin asks softly. He nods and cries harder, burying his face into his hands.

“Oh, sweet Thenvunin, it wasn’t your fault!” Serahlin insists even though she does not know what caused this Seth to die. Serahlin had been convinced there was a mortal involved with Thenvunin somehow and this just may be it. The house is certainly an indicator with its monotonous look and lack of history.

“I could have warded his car or something, but he...he didn’t like magic,” Thenvunin continues, “I should have done it anyway.”

“That would have violated his desires. You did nothing wrong, you are not responsible for other people’s actions.”

And despite the turmoil now with him, Thenvunin looks better. Less sallow. The motes of light and magic around him are brighter, his aura is shifting from a pale, sickly yellow back to what she suspects is his normal purple.

“Warlocks are nearly impossible to defend against without a coven. I don’t sense any other witches, are you alone?” Selene asks softly and he nods,

“Seth wanted a normal life.”

Selene catches Serahlin’s frown, but it’s replaced with concern quickly enough. The more she hears about this Seth, the less Selene likes him. Everyone is taught the dangers of shacking up with the wrong mortal. There will always be more of them than witches and it does not take much to get a mortal to remember pitchforks and Templars after all. The thought makes her worry for the boys at the school, surrounded by mortals.

“Do you still have your book, or…?” Serahlin trails off but they can all finish the sentence - or did Stalking take that too?

Thenvunin shakes his head and curls away from them in embarrassment.

“Shh, it’s okay. We’ll find it. That’s what we do you know, we find books. My husband, may he rot, stole my book to force me to marry him. I had a baby with him, and after many years I found my book again.”

“And then she helped me find mine. My father bartered it away to my now dead husband as some sort of debt repayment,” Selene continues and Thenvunin peaks through his fingers.

“Really? You...lost your books too?”

“Yes. And it wasn’t our faults, just like it wasn’t yours. Abusers know how to take things and make it seem like you did it, but it was all them. It was always all them.” Serahlin smooths his hair down and Selene thinks that perhaps some tension in him has eased.

“I don’t know where he kept it,” he whispers.

“That’s okay. Screecher can help us too.”

“Screecher’s here?” He asks, interest piquing.

“Yes, we had him accompany our own familiars to keep Stalking’s at bay.” Selene waves her hand and summons Des. Serahlin follows suit for Risin. Soon enough the two cats accompanied by a bird of unknown origin arrive in the house. Screecher makes a loud noise and swoops down to Thenvunin.

“Screecher!” He exclaims while the bird preens and covers Thenvunin with his wings. Des mrows, running quickly to Selene himself. He rubs against her and begins to purr loudly - his own spell in a way. Familiars can calm their witches, one of the perks of being connected to so much of their magic.

“What happened? There was something, I felt it.”

“I’ll explain later, Des,” she whispers, running her hand through his soft fur.

**

Serahlin has no idea how Stalking suddenly just died, but she isn’t arguing with it either. One moment he was clawing at her neck, the next he was wrenched off her, exploding in a flurry of light and shadows. A foul stench now fills the space, and she feels filthy, and not just from being covered in blood. All she wants is to go home and take a long, hot shower.

She looks over at Thenvunin, who is being greeted by his very enthusiastic familiar. The poor thing needs more help than she could have predicted. He was harmed by both a mortal and by a warlock. The mortal must have weakened him by expectation of the “normal life” giving no thought that a normal life for a witch involves magic and ritual. It primed him for the warlock to come in. Isolated and vulnerable, he never stood a chance.

“We need to find your book, he likely has others’ books too,” she says wondering what happens to the witches who has already drained. It’s not ever something she thought she had to worry about before, warlocks were little more than stories told to children to warn them of the dangers of being alone in this world.

Thenvunin nods and slowly rises to his feet.

“He spent a lot of time in the shed,” he says and so they follow him outside to a small shed in the horribly overgrown unattended garden. Serahlin frowns at the amount of concrete off the back of the house. She is getting this man out of this depressing place as soon as she can. Either she’ll convince him to go home to his birth coven or...or maybe he’ll join Serahlin and Selene’s. They could use another member, and it’s not like they don’t have room in either of the houses for him. Serahlin would even be happy to help him find an appropriate house full of color and history with a proper garden.

The shed is locked when they reach it, the lingering effects of a locking spell. It opens easily with an unlocking charm, the locks sputters then gives out. The door swings open revealing more magicks. They cross the threshold to feel a sudden vertigo, the inside of the shed lightens and stretches before them to morph into a decadent hall with large stone pillars wrapped in ivy. The floor is marble and between the pillars are pedestals, nine in total, four of whom have books sitting atop them.

Thenvunin gasps at the reveal, turning around in disbelief.

“He was capable of creating a portal?” He whispers. Portals are higher level spells that typically require the focus and ability of a coven - but he was a warlock, and there are four books. Stalking was packing the power of four witches, plenty of power to create a long-standing portal if he wished.

They walk through the hall slowly, wary of any traps. But if there were, they’ve all died with his life force. If they’re all disabled, how did the portal still work? Perhaps the portal was tied more to the books themselves than to Stalking’s life force.

Thenvunin moves to a pedestal with a small book that resembles a popular romance novel from about ten years ago. He reaches for it -

“Thenvunin, wait!”

- he touches it. All around them the room begins to shake. The pillars begin to crack and large stone chunks fall from the ceiling.

“What?!” Thenvunin shouts.

“This entire place was tied to the books! Now that it’s reunited with you, it can’t sustain itself!” Serahlin shouts in turn, “we have to get out of here!”

“What about the other books?!” Selene yells and dammit. She’s right. They can’t just leave the books. Serahlin runs and grabs the one closest to her just as Selene grabs the one closest to her. The entire structure shudders and heaves. The pillars do not merely crack, but they begin to give way.

Thenvunin grabs the last book they all run towards the portal, only to find that it too has collapsed without the support of the books.

“Oh shit!” Selene yells.

Thinking fast, Serahlin places her hand on the mysterious book dedicated to June and pulls at the magic inside.

“Help me! Visualize Thenvunin’s foyer!” She calls as the floor begins to crack and groan as well. Selene curses but grabs hold of Serahlin’s arm. Thenvunin takes hold of the other and Serahlin inhales deeply.

“Portal open here to there,

Here we stand,

There we go,

We command,

From crumbling tomb

To Thenvunin’s front room!”

They scream as the magic burns from within them all, wrenching them from the collapsing hall through space to Thenvunin’s home. The magic claws into them and for a few confusing moment, Serahlin feels them both - the strengths, the weaknesses, the drugging weight of power, their power, bending to her spell.

Is this what Stalking felt all the time? Is this what it’s like to be a warlock? Addictive. But also horrifically overwhelming and terrifying.

All at once, the swirling mass of energies ceases. The world snaps into place as they arrive in Thenvunin’s foyer.

Serahlin drops the book, turns, and promptly vomits. Her head pounds with the sudden influx and subsequent lack of power. Dizzying, maddening, not right. Knees give out and she is vaguely aware of Selene calling her name.

She doesn’t know how long she stays on the floor, waiting for her hearing to return to normal, for her magic to make sense to her once more. She thinks Risin comes and curls up next to her, vibrating with warmth and focus. Yes, focus.

Bit by bit, her vision clears, her hearing returns, and her stomach ceases to roil.

Serahlin realizes that Selene’s hand is upon her back and she is whispering small healing spells all over her.

“I’m okay,” she murmurs, still not quite able to sit up.

“Oh thank the gods,” Thenvunin says.

“Yes, thank the gods. Serahlin, how did you know you could do that?” Selene asks.

“I didn’t. I just knew I had to. Ileth can’t lose both of his parents.” Selene makes a noise of agreement as she takes in just how close they came to orphaning their boys.

When she sits back up, Thenvunin hands her a glass of water and offers her an aspirin. She snorts at the idea. Aspirin! For a witch! He blushes in embarrassment and fusses that it has benefits even to witches. He’s learned a lot from living a magic-less existence these last few years, after all. There are ways to cure ailments that do not involve magic or herbalism.

But he forgets that they’re not mortal. Their systems work differently, they’re meant to connect with magic in all ways - particularly for healing. She doesn’t remind him of this, though. Today has had enough in it without adding in an argument about such things. Instead, Selen takes away the aspirin, mentioning something about potential interactions between the elfroot and the aspirin.

When Serahlin can stand, she looks to the door, eager to get home to her son. Coming close to death makes her eager to be reassured that her baby is okay. Selene seems to be in agreement and they both move to leave, but Thenvunin remains in the foyer, staring at the ruined interior of his house.

“Come home with us, Thenvunin,” Serahlin says, “I have plenty of room and it looks like you could use some...distance from all this.” And to get him away from this awful house. She can still feel the oppression and the bad history.

Despite what they all just collectively went through, Thenvunin looks surprised,”You don’t even know me.”

She smiles and stifles a chuckle, “We know you well enough to brave a warlock for you.” He opens his mouth as if to argue then shuts it again.

“I suppose you’re right. Who knows what kind of maleficence Stalking put in the home.” Still, he looks sad enough that it makes Serahlin sigh.

“We’ll come back after we’re rested. This place needs a good exorcist style cleaning,” as evidence, the dark splotch where Stalking was starts to give off a slight stench that has everyone wrinkling their nose.

Thenvunin nods and heads upstairs to gather his things while Serahlin and Selene get the car.

“Are you sure about this?” Selene asks.

“We can’t just leave him out here. If it were me, or worse, if it was Ileth, I would want someone to help. Two people preyed upon him, first that mortal husband and then Stalking. What if it were Darevas or Felasel?” She asks in turn. Selene falls against the passenger seat, hand against her forehead.

“Shit. You’re right.”

“He can stay with me, there’s plenty of room to spare.” He can have the guest room that Selene has not claimed as her own when she’s over. And it’ll be good to have another man around for Ileth and the twins that isn’t an abusive asshole.

Back at the house, they help Thenvunin load his things, of which there are surprisingly few. They lock up and ward the house as an extra precaution. Thenvunin slides into the backseat and Screecher follows suit. Des and Risin sit in Selene’s lap, purring loudly.

All set, Serahlin pulls out of the driveway and sets the course for home.

If she were a betting person, she would bet their coven just gained a new partner.

[oadara]

Translated Daenerys, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms?

JD: Hello friend, how’s it going! I’m Jag Duran and I’m here today with a new video about Game of Thrones. Today we are going to analyze whether Daenerys could be a great ruler. This is a very special occasion because for the first time I’m being joined by a great friend, Game of Thrones scholar, and someone who I admire, my dear [friend] Jordi Machiavello. Jordi, from Spain, how are you?

JM: Very well and hello to everyone. Please, you are too effusive with you compliments [laughs].

JD: [Laughs] That’s how it is. Well, let’s talk about the Mother of Dragon. How about we start with her origin story, how she developed from a docile and submissive person to someone who has taken the reigns of her destiny.

JM: Perfect, I think that’s wonderful

JD: To understand Daenerys we must bear in mind that she was born in Dragonstone, the daughter of Rhaella Targaryen and Aerys, the Mad King. The parents she never knew and in fact she grew up a refugee alongside her brother Viserys, whom they called the Beggar King. After the death of their protector Ser Willem Darry they went from door to door trying to find someone who would champion their cause. In fact, they struggled a great deal, they lacked many things and if we add to that the fact that Viserys was an angry person and there was a certain intransigence to his character towards Daenerys. She was abused by her brother, which lowered her self-esteem, we can deduce then why she had such a docile/submissive personality.

JM: Yes, in fact I’m surprised that the series hasn’t delved into these traumas Daenerys’ must have from her time living with her brother. Because in the first season the transition from a week Daenerys, a submissive Daenerys, to someone with an extremely strong character was rather quick, in barely four episodes. When she’s with Drogo you can see her character strengthening and having a lot of authority, a very noticeable transition. In the series, there is no exploration of this and so the change is almost invisible.

JD: Exactly. Because we need to establish at what point this metamorphoses takes place. I think it starts when one of her handmaidens tells her to take the reins when she’s intimate with khal Drogo.  There is a phrase that goes, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or what affects you, what matters is how you react to it. I think that after Viserys’ death the negative influence he had over Daenerys ends, with respect to the physical abuses, which were not sexual or at least that’s not spelled out in the books. Anyhow, she went being a trapped girl, to a new, stronger, more resilient, woman with the determination, strength, and the ability to surpass any obstacle that got in her way. But yeah, Viserys use to say to her, “you don’t want to wake the dragon, do you” like a threat and he would pinch her, she was treated like an object. I think had her husband khal Drog, or her son Rhaego, or her borther Viserys, not died I don’t think she would have this transformation that has enabled her to take the Iron Throne. What do you think?

JM: Yes, I think that was an incredibly important moment for Daenerys’ character, when Viserys dies and especially when she says, “He was no dragon. Fire can’t kill a dragon”.  Add to that the deaths of Drogo and her son and those moments that could have caused sadness or disappointment in her, she takes them and internalizes them, turning them into strength. We see this when she gives her speech right before walking into the pyre. At her lowest point when things are most complicated when anyone else would fall apart, she takes this all in and turns it into a strength. So, I think that this is one of the strongest attributes of Daenerys personality and character.

JD: Yes, and as Nietzsche says, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.  

JM: Exactly!

JD: Daenerys is an unconventional heroine, she wears many differences faces and this is precisely what we are going analyses, these facets of her character that are not typical of a conventional protagonist. In fact, she has many grey areas / chiaroscuro, sort of strange [for a protagonist] …

JM: Yes, and I think she’s the character with the most chiaroscuro. In the series, there are a lot of villains but also a lot of quote/unquote heroes. The series has tried to explore the greyness of its characters with some having their lights and shadows. I think what sets Daenerys apart from Jon, is that Daenerys has her chiaroscuros and Jon appears to be a character that is incorruptible, that is to say, a character that is wholly white and who carries his honor on his sleeves. This doesn’t diminish him as a character, but I believe that Daenerys’ character is much more interesting because she has those laps of character, that authoritarian lean that make her an interesting and unpredictable character for me. Jon, on the other hand, seems to me to be one of the blandest character at least among the blandest of the protagonists.

JD: In fact, we can describe Daenerys as a real human being in a sense, with virtues and defects like all of us. A young scare girl who eventually overcame her fears. The clearest example of this, is how she was born in the midst of a storm, so in the midst of adversity she lifted herself up and all this can be seen in how each transition affects her. She has suffered throughout all these obstacles as she tells Jon Snow in season 7.

JM: Yes, the speech she gives to Jon about being raped, being sold, been used and betrayed. In that speech, she basically condenses everything that’s happened to her throughout Game of Thrones. This is a good starting point to see how Daenerys has transformed, because sometimes we don’t take that into account because she’s one of the most powerful characters in the series in my estimation. She has two dragons now, but she has as large army and a lot of people who follow her and she’s achieved the biggest conquests and garnered the most achievements in the series. Her character came from nothing and now has almost everything and is going for everything. She’s a very charismatic character that a lot of people like.  

JD: I think the betrayals have especially determined how her personality has been forged because these people have influenced her life. This has given Daenerys the ability to determine what to keep and what to let go. I think that your life experiences influence how you react to different things. I think that Daenerys has taken her experiences and has learned to strike first because she’s been hurt in the past, and I think she’s become a bit resentful.

JM: I think that’s because of all the betrayals that she’s suffered throughout the story. Like the conflicts she suffered in Meereen with the Harpy as well as the betrayal she suffered in Qarth. So, I think these are small obstacles that are placed in her way that enrich Daenerys’ character and have been spun well into t story.

JD: Yes, because they’ve wanted to take advantage, literally, of her political position, of the fact that she has dragons, and a lot of people don’t know that in the books she’s 13 years old. Imagine, that how she starts.

JM: Yes, yes

JD: A young naive and innocent girl in a sense and throughout her interactions she’s has she’s forged her character. I feel like she’s a complex character but I wanted to ask you, do you think they’ve tried to wrap Daenerys in a flag of female empowerment.  What do you think?

JM: Yes, I think Daenerys is the perfect character to represent female empowerment because she doesn’t have masculine characteristics.

JD: Of course, of course

JM: That is to say, many times when trying to empower a female character, I’ve seen in plays, video games, films, and including in literature, that when they are trying to empower a female character she’s given masculine traits, like Brienne for example. In Daenerys’ case, it’s completely different because she’s a character that has definite female traits within society, however, in her case these traits are empowered. She’s a character with a sensitive side and an authoritarian side as well being a liberator and a conqueror. She’s a well-constructed empowered character.

JD: Of course. Now Jordi, lets analyze what have been the personal and political successes and failures Daenerys has had throughout the saga A Song of Ice and Fire as well as the series because there are variations in terms of temperament that can perhaps provide an alternative [view]. For example, she’s a person with a good heart, according to Jon Snow, although he might have been looking at other things, like her figure. Anyway, ever sense she saw the khals raping the women of the village [they were raiding in season 1] she defended many of the woman because she knew how unjust it was and she took them under her protection. In a sense, she doesn’t want others to suffer the same abuses of power she suffered. She liberated the slaves of Meereen, Yunkai, and Astapor. She’s willing to negotiate, because she’s not too intransigent, although she could be [at times] because she’s proud, but she’s also an idealist. But she’ll give you options because she understands people, she’s learned how to read them, and this is complemented by the people who advise her, who are wise people, in a sense.

JM: I think Daenerys is following a path, that I don’t believe is the ideal one for her, because her character is constructed in the mold of the character postulated by Machiavelli, Nicolas Machiavelli in The Prince, which is a well-known play. From that play comes the phrase “the means justify the ends” and she’s following perfectly in the mold of the character in The Prince. However, I don’t know what’s going to happen with the path the series is taken with her union to Jon and the upcoming war against the Wight Walkers. I don’t know what’s going to how and how it’ s going to play out. If she continued in the same path she had been up until now [prior to season 7], Daenerys would have to end up ruling on her own, not with another person, not with Jon. Because in that case…

JD: What they had been building with her character[ would collapsed…

JM: Exactly, it would collapse. Especially it would take away from all the power that they continuously associate with Daenerys’ character. {This new direction} Is taking away from that authority [they had been building]. The important thing between the battle of wills is that we need to keep in mind is that it’s two different things to take the Iron Throne and to consolidating power. So, what will Daenerys’ do when she takes the Iron Throne? I think that’s the most important issue we have to deal with right now, because when Game of Thrones ends there won’t probably won’t be much left, that is to say, we’ll have the finally with everyone and the Iron Throne, but we don’t know what will happen afterwards. There could be a rebellion. Will there be a democracy? Are the going to continue with the same system as before? Will they break the wheel, as Daenerys’ said?

JD: We need to focus on the negative in a sense for example when she makes political decision they go against the already established system, traditions, costumes and norms that have been practice in any one geographical region or society. For example, she wants to impose her will in these cities but not only does she does she not give continuity to the former government, setting aside things that don’t work, imposing things that do without any follow through. We have, for example, it backfires when she arrives in Meereen we know she run across some children that were crucified along the way, if you remember.

JM: Yes, I believe there were quite a few kilometers with crucified children that Daenerys came across. It was terrible.  

JD: Of course, and what Daenerys does in retaliation is take the slavers and crucify them as punishment. However, among them there were good slavers who treated their slaves well and who were also against sacrificing the children to send a message to Daenerys to dissuade her from coming to Meereen and imposing her rule of law. So, it has it’s disadvantages that Daenerys doesn’t think and just wants to get even, seeing things as black and white.

JM: The thing is that in politics it’s difficult to distinguish grey between black and white. It has to be completely clear cut. I think in respect to Daenerys attitude when it came to her punishment of the slaver it was obviously was wrong because some might have been against crucifying the children or they might have been good, or they might have been very cruel. Daenerys behavior is the perfect model that Machiavelli spoke of. He postulated that a good ruler had to be as much loved and he was feared and that’s why I love Daenerys. She is loved by many of her followers because she liberated the slaves, because she’s a compassionate queen but she’s also feared. She has 3 dragons and if you go against her you’ll be burned to death and if you’re a slaver you’ll be crucified.  So, I like this because I think the death of the Tarly’s was justified because what Machiavelli said was it would be perfect to be loved and feared in equal parts however it’s preferable to be feared. In times of rebellion the people forget about the love they once had, however, fear will always follow them. So, the decision of Daenerys to burn the Tarly’s alive in front of the survivors is cruel, but like Machiavelli said the Prince should know of morality they should only care about the common good and the power of their rule, and Daenerys follows these parameters to perfection. She makes black and white decisions because you can’t make a grey choice, it’s impossible.

JD: Yes, it’s a thin line without a doubt with which to work with and balance, because going back to the slavers/slave Daenerys left many without a livelihood or ability to make a living. Many of the slaves were in charge of educating the slavers children or carrying for them, they lived well and had a bed to sleep on but many of them were left without that and living on the streets. What other negative things can we delineate regarding from her personality. For me, she’s too temperamental, too radical but at times she’s also too merciful which encapsulates a perfect parallel with her ancestor Aegon Targaryen which the producers of the show have tried to show. She has three dragons, like he {Aegon the Conqueror] did, to conquer Westeros but with a following who have contradictory costumes and values to those of the Westerosi people.  She comes with the Dothraki and the Unsullied and how does she deal with the conflict between the Westerosi and the foeigners if there are violations/rape, sacking, death and destruction. You can’t just put a chip on someone and change their values. So how is Daenerys deal with the consequences of her actions. We have the man who confronted her with the bones of his daughter who Drogo burned, showing her the consequences of leaving her children to roam free. Because of this Daenerys decides to lock two of her dragons in the dungeons.

JM: Viserion and Rhaegal.

JD: Exactly!

JM: Regarding the foreign culture and the foreign army which she’ll use to invade Westeros it’s worth repeating that her characterization gets lost and it looks like the model of the Prince they’ve tried to create gets lost, because this breaks with the Machiavelli politics and philosophy because her army is comprised solely of foreigner, the Dothraki savages and Unsullied. This is something that Machiavelli advised against, the conquest of taking of principalities, with only foreigner because then it’s not a conquest, it’s an invasion. You would have to judge the merit of the conqueror, in this case Daenerys, which she isn’t doing so well and it wouldn’t be that good from that point of view.

JD: Exactly! Also, where are they going to live, which of the Seven Kingdoms are they going to establish their homeland, their society or whatever. So, I sort of understand the Tarly’s point of view of opposing and turning their back on the Tyrell and joining Cersei. They don’t ‘want to be the victims of what’s going to happen with this invasion, their homes could be sacked, their women raped, their children killed and it could be an end to their way of life and position in society. So, of course I’d be on the side of defend my country, my territory, and I think it was a bit unjust for Daenerys to end the Tarlys. However, we must see what’s established, that if they need the knee before her, thigs could have turned out much better, she would have had mercy. But it was the Tarlys pride, especially Randyl who refused to bend the knee. His son’s behavior was just stupid because he would have continued the legacy but now it’ll be Sam. But anyway, I think Daenerys learns from her mistakes and has created a certain sense of justice, she helps the downtrodden and the vulnerable areas, she doesn’t hesitate and she create a haven for them. However, sometimes she ignores advice when citations are ambiguous, especially when Tyrion’s brings up question of morality. She says this is how it is and does it. So, that’s also very, no holds bar.

JM:  I think Daenerys attitude towards her advisors is completely justified and I’ll once again go back to Machiavelli who’s very useful model in these conversations.  He said there are two ways to rules in certain political situations, you either had absolute rule or you ruled in conjunction with a council of noblemen. This group of councilors reminds me of the advisors Daenerys currently has. AS a last result Machiavelli advises to choose the first option, if you had to choose, that is absolute rule because with the second option Daenerys would have less power and would have to put down internal rebellions. So, I think this is the reason why at times Daenerys is authoritarian with her advisors because she tells herself, “I am the leader, I’m the one who has to make the final decision”. I think and understand why Daenerys was upset at Tyrion when he was judging her in front of the survivors of the battle, she was telling them either bend the knee or die while Tyrion would not stop yapping and questioning he saying “but Daenerys, but Daenerys”. So, I completely understand Daenerys attitude in saying “No” in this instance. I think a leader must be authoritative at times and in this case her decision was the correct one. As you say, the error here was the Tarly for not bending the knee for their foolish pride when they served the Targaryen’s during Robert’s Rebellion. So then why, it doesn’t ‘make sense.

JD: Exactly! At this point we could establish if Daenerys would be an apt person for a position of power, to rule the Seven Kingdoms, yes or no? She’s better than Cersei because Cersei is a completely irrational person who makes very poor decisions and we’ve seen from the start how all her plans fail. Daenerys has also her failures, but they’re there for the purpose of having her learn from them. She takes the lead and decides to destroy the Harpy, but at the time she did not realize the consequence of her actions and what repercussion they would bring, the murder of the Unsullied and other citizens. She has learned to take these negative experiences and turn them into a lesson, she’s not going to make the same mistake twice. I feel that Daenerys is a person who despite her prepatent, her fury, her intransigence and maybe a touch or a glimpse of her father, the mad king, who many have been compared to her. I believe she can be flexible and can balance reason with the heart and her character has evolved throughout these experiences.

JM: I think here’s where we can discuss Daenerys’ ambition. I don’t think a ruler, in medieval times especially, shouldn’t have their actions judged for what they had to do to reach the top because from ambition to action there are many steps.  When reaching for the top you will regularly do unpleasant things. For me Daenerys is the most complete leader in Game of Thrones. From those who also seek to rule she’s the one with the best chance of ruling, without a doubt. That is, she’s a trusted leader, with character, who knows how to listen and is more than sufficiently capable. Without a doubt the most important thing is that I believe is, that in politics, you must be a leader with credibility, which is something most lack. She knows she can reach her goals and she knows how to go about it. If she’s going to do something, she’s not going to deceive anyone about it, she’ll do it, and she’ll take it and that is something that no other ruler of leader has in Game of Thrones. No even Sansa, who many are talking about. She [Daenerys] has total credibility in her power and her word and I think if she took control of Westeros after the war with the Wight Walkers and once her enemies are defeated she can establish a government that is completely prosperous. Especially if democracy is established, which would be something very complicated to accept for the citizens of Westeros, because it’ll be something new. You have all the extended regions, places like Dorn, which is a place far from the capital and the North that some say is ungovernable, it would be something complicated. But I believe that Daenerys with her credibility and her all the nuances she has as a leader can rule the seven kingdoms in an absolute immaculately manner.

JD: I was remembering a meme on the internet where it was implied... there is a person that’s sitting behind (and above) a line of men and they have a whip and are yelling to go forward, this person is described as a boss and then you have the person described as a leader who puts himself at the forefront leading the men, serving as an example to follow. There are many who critique Daenerys because she only gives orders, saying what she wants done and what is her will to carry out a good government but if she didn’t have her dragons her power wouldn’t be so palpable, her influence wouldn’t be so strong. Do you believe in this statement?

JM: I believe that Daenerys without her dragons would still carve out the same path she’s carved for herself in the series obviously with more complications. There’s a lot said about Daenerys being strong because of her dragons and that the dragons are the ones that have given her power. I say no, that is to say she’s used her dragons as a means to an end. In the end, the dragons aren’t her, they’re just a means. So, a good leader knows what resources to use to achieve their goals and if it’s not the dragons than its X. That is, Daenerys would have been a great leader without dragons, with dragons or with a dragon and a half. That is, Daenerys is a natural leader.

JD: What worries me is that those means to an end can be transitory and afterwards she won’t care about the problem and will walk away like she did in Meereen leaving someone like Daario Naharios in charge who is a mercenary. This can lead to chaos returning eventually and so I think that not being consistent when she’s had these hurdles we haven’t been able to see or haven’t seen a successful case in the true sense. Daenerys has been good for the Dothraki and she’s been good for the Unsullied, who still follow orders blindly, although they are free quote /unquote. In many ways, the people she has freed have suffered the consequences because she hasn’t learned how to carry out the radical liberation. Because it takes time, it takes years to successfully carry out a positive transition where you change costumes and those people who she helped don’t suffer the consequences of her actions. So, I think here she still needs to learn from what’s happened to her so that it doesn’t repeat.

JM: In the example of success that you mention the only successes she’s had are as a conqueror and not as a ruler. It’s complicated trying to figure out how she could be a good ruler but I think the problems that has arisen is how Daenerys character has been written in the last two seasons. Up until the fifth season Daenerys character seemed to me to be optimum, a very well-constructed character whose actions were coherent. However, in the last two season, which have had weak scripts in general, that Daenerys character has acted incoherently at times or things are taken for granted and the time lapses have been enormous. You don’t know how much time has passed between Dany taking the khalasar until she finds Drogon and giving her speech where they agree to go to the ends of the world with her. So, all these things are taken for granted or ignored and I think a lot of this, in the scripts, has harmed Daenerys character in the last couple of seasons.  Even so, she’s still and incredibly strong character, the top character to rule, the number one character. But it is true what you say that she has not had a successful rule as of yet and this gives us pause for thought.

JD: We also have to take into account these processionary measure and decision have been taken in light of a completely different culture for Essos. How can you think to change what has been the law of the land for years? Now, she’s coming to Westeros where effectively all her ideals and way of life are congruent with those there. Everything could be better once she’s settled, the food resources, developing economic ties/treaties, developing relations with the different Houses/ powerful Lords, how to establish commerce. I think she can learn a lot from her ancestors, and I think under those circumstances of the game she could eventually have a true case of success. On the other hand, I think it’s been established that Jon Snow would not {be successful} because he’s made decision that are too impulsive bad decisions. In fact, when he returns to be King in the North, after the Battle of the Bastards, the first thing he does is to go beg the help of Daenerys Targaryen. He doesn’t preoccupy himself with the management of resources but conversely Sansa does worry about these things.

JM: Also, Jon’s character is lamentable because he tells Sansa that she’s going to govern, while everyone is present in the hall right before he leaves. It’s like Jon doesn’t bother planning anything and would make a poor ruler for the Seven Kingdoms because he’s too honorable. A ruler doesn’t have to be honorable, they have to be cohesive with his actions, they have to be just and they have to be authoritative, at least in medieval times. If you’re not, you’ll get eaten alive. Jon’s a character has been created to be a warrior, always.

JD: Yes, I think he’s a person with a good hart, he’s just, and he doesn’t have any vices, like Robert was. Perhaps he’s addicted to violence but not consciously. He wants the best for his people and would do anything to save them including giving his own life. In a sense, we could say there are advantages in contrast to Daenerys. But without a doubt Daenerys is much more apt and would be more apt if she didn’t have her dragons because they represent a danger and a nuclear weapon...

JM: Absolutely.

JD: ...that could bring her a lot of problems subsequently and that is very latent. We have kings that were feared but not loved at all and who were not very good at politics.

JM: In response to what you were saying before about the politics that Daenerys wanted to restore in Essos I want to once again bring up Machiavelli because he postulated that when conducting a conquest of a foreign nation you have three options: Destroy the existing laws, settle within them [work within the system], or keep them all without change. Machiavelli postulated that the best option was to destroy the, because if you settle within them or keep them all together, in time, the people can easily rebel.  So, even if it’s painful and it’s complicated to make this decision you must do it because a conquest is not just about arriving with dragons, destroy everything, and keep everything the way it is politically and that’s it. There has to be an afterwards and Daenerys know this is the only option. I think destroying the establish laws and creating new laws would be a breath of fresh air. In short working within the establish laws or just keeping them all together is more of the same but with an invader which gives the people more motive to rebel. So, I think those were good decision Daenerys took after her conquests.

JD: Yes, definitely. There needs to be an evolution when it comes to ruling. I don’t know if eventually the monarchy will prevail. We’ll eventually see what happens with this type of evolution. I think Daenerys should look into the past. We have for example the case of Jaehaerys I, the Conciliator. He was a pacifist and a diplomat who established many reforms and laws. With his intelligence and wisdom, he was able to achieve a long reign that would last 60 years. Imagine that. I think she can take advice from history. But we can compare her best, because more than anything Daenerys represents a renewed version of her ancestor Aegon the Conqueror. He also had a long reign but there was a lot of conflict and rebellions and there will be conflict and rebellions if Daenerys stays on the Iron Throne. Believe you me. Because she brought the savages, the Unsullied, and the dragons and this generate problems, it generates problems and conflict. How many Houses have been destroyed because of the conflict between her and Cersei, it’s too many. You tell me if there’s not going to be more bloodshed with time. So, I think Daenerys can achieve that balance but she has to be very careful but I think there’ll be a lot of conflict if it’s the later.  

JM: But those are the trappings of power. These are things that would happen anyways, if Jon took the throne or anyone else did. In the end, they’ll always be rebellion because not everyone will agree with every decided made by whoever is on the throne, never. They’ll never be 100 percent agreement. What you have to do is know how to smother them[rebellion] and know how to handle them and I think Daenerys would be the ideal leader to smother any possible rebellions.

JD: How would you rank Daenerys as a potential ruler of Westeros?

JM: From 1 to 10 I think Daenerys would score, I’m very demanding, I would give her a 7. And it’s because she has the potential to be a very powerful leader but she’ll have to deal with a lot of problems. That’s way I took away a couple of points. I’ll tell you, those who are behind her don’t even reach 5. I think Daenerys is a person with vitality with the perfect personality to rule and I think the other characters who aspire to the throne couldn’t handle the weight of power. On the other hand, Daenerys has the experience and she can handle it stupendously and it’s her ambition.

JD: Taking what you’ve said as a prediction of season 8 can we assume that Daenerys, according to your taste, or according to what you believe will happen, can she take the Iron Throne or will she take the Iron Throne? What do you believe?

JM: According to how the series is developing, because they are preparing us for it, for in fact the Disney ending that everyone is talking about, for the last two seasons there has been a lot pointing at there be a happy ending quote/ unquote for what Game of Thrones is. Of course, many fans won’t like this, it’s very clear to me that a lot of people won’t like that ending but I think that’ll be the ending with Jon and Daenerys on the Iron Throne and with Tyrion dead because one of the three of them has to die for sure and I think it’ll be Tyrion who will die in the end. But we’ll see how it all ends, I think it’ll be the a Disney ending which I personally do not like. I’ve said it on many occasion I would prefer for Littlefinger or the Wight Walkers winning or conversely because I like Daenerys very much, and every time I say this people jump down my throat saying “how can you like Daenerys”, well I would like for Daenerys to reign alone

JD: Of course, there are many with poor taste and you can’t please everyone, it’s a complicated subject. If Tyrion does it’ll of course be a completely bittersweet ending. But for example, if Daenerys wins the Iron Throne they’ll be reaffirming the character they’ve been trying to portray/project throughout the last seven seasons, the figure of female empowerment. So, if Daenerys dies than all the time spent creating such a complex character would have been for nothing.

JM: Exactly!

JD: Definitely, I believe the Daenerys, as it stands now, will survive. She won’t die, many say she’ll die in childbirth, no she will not die giving birth. I can’t be [that way].  

JM: That can’t be.

JD: That can’t be because it’ll be stupid. She comes from a mother, Rhaella Targaryen.  who died in childbirth. Jon Snow comes from a mother, Lyanna Stark, who died in childbirth. And now you create such a powerful character only to have her die in childbirth, without any justification without having accomplish any real change as you’ve highlighted throughout the seven season, I don’t believe it.

JM: It would be a very obvious ending.

JD: But also, I have in mind what’s going to happen with Jon Snow. Jon Snow was resurrected for one reason; he was resurrected for what! To end the Long Night, that’s very clear. He’s the one who will defeat the Night’s King, the Wight Walker and will bring peace once again to end this time of darkness. This is extremely clear.  Nonetheless is he’s going to die having accomplished this, that’s what we don’t know. However, why would they clearly announce, by having Bran say it, that Jon is the legitimate heir to the Seven Kingdoms.

JM: Because they’re preparing us for the Disney ending.

JD: Because they’re preparing us for the Disney ending and because it’s the perfect mix of Ice and Fire.

JM: And I don’t like that because it diminishes Daenerys’ character.

JD: I like it, because I like happy ending. But I understand where you are coming from and I agree with you that it takes away from the things Daenerys has tried to accomplished. Who’s going to be the real ruler, is it going to be Jon, is it going to be Daenerys. Obviously, Jon doesn’t want power and I feel like he’ll resign from it.

JM: Jon can’t be king. Jon can’t be king and I’ll repeat it as often as needed. He does not have the attitude to rule, to be king. He has the skills to be a warrior, a kingssguard, including the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, that’s what he has the skills for but not to be king, he just doesn’t have them at all He doesn’t know how to rule, he has not clue and we see that his character, from the first season, is a character that is meant to be a warrior but not a king.

JD: He has had some success, we’ve seen him as Lord a Commander of the Nights Watch, he takes care of everyone at Castle Black, he looks for resources, he asked the Iron Bank for a loan, he bring the Wildlings through because he has a good hear but like with Daenerys he creates collateral damage that he doesn’t anticipate but I think if Jon put away the fury and the fighting and he focused more he could learn some important lessons

JM: Of course, with season 8 with the leaks that have come across recently they’re saying they’ll be lots of time jumps throughout the season so perhaps Jon does learn but as things stand right now Jon can’t be king.

JD: Of course, because as you say Daenerys has gone through an evolution from a submissive and weak person to someone capable of taking the reins of their own destiny in the transition of four episode and we could see this with Jon Snow with these time jumps and decision making but things are sort of pointing in a different direction because out of all the actors that were filing Jon Snow is the one who spent the most time filing battles so tell me where in all this does he learn diplomacy. Trying to figure out how things will end from a logical point of view and from a conventional cinematography standpoint how things end satisfactory or not. I fell it’ll be more satisfactory than unsatisfactory. I feel like 70 to 75 percent are going to be happy about how it ends because the other way would be very lamentable for HBO obviously and for everyone.  There’s anything you want to add Jordi.

JM: Nothing, I just want to thank you very much for inviting me and time has just flown by .

JD: Same

[theoutsiderssandman]

Run // PonyboyxReader

Word Count; Pairing; PonyboyxReader Warnings; Summary: Run by Daughter

I was at Buck’s party with a group of girlfriends. Jamie, Sarah, Ryan, and me. I went to the bathroom and began to touch up my makeup, “Hey (y/n), Ponyboy is going up to your brother’s room with Johnny” Ryan said, it was weird because they never go to parties. Ponyboy was my boyfriend of two years in about three months. I gave the girls a weird look and went into my brother’s room. I guess they didn’t see because I saw Dal giving Pony a gun. “Uhm, I don’t think so” I said sternly and looked at the two boys, a guilty look on their faces. “Ponyboy why are you wet, and in Bucks shirt?” I asked then looked at Johnnycakes “What happened...” I asked quietly, sacred to know. Johnny kept silent and Dallas looked away. “It’s none of your damn business” Ponyboy snapped. “Excuse me?!” I asked loudly. “I don’t know who you think you’re talking to ‘cause i KNOW it isn’t me” I snapped back. Ponyboy realized he was yelling and said sorry right away. “I’m sorry hun. Johnny- Johnny stab a soc” He whispered. I looked over and hugged Johnny as hard as possible.”Where y’all going...” I asked quietly. I sat silent as Dally told them where to go.  As the boys got up to leave i grabbed a pack and light and walked out the door with the,. Dallas grabbed my arm “you are not getting draged in thi” He said, I rolled my eyes, “He’s my boyfriend, I’m already dragged into it” I said and yanked my arm out of his grip. The three of us walked out the door, I was leading the way to Windricke Ville. “Hun, why did you come? You’re only gonna get yourself in trouble” Pony said. “Y’all’s description is in the paper, who do you think is gonna get supplies?” I snarked back. Pony shrugged his shoulders and we finally made it to the train. The guy with an extra tire around his stomach looked into the cart, after that we jumped in sneakily. Ponyboy fell asleep in my lap and Johnny was trying hard not to. “Johnny, it’s fine, I’ll wake you up” I said. He fell asleep peacefully the second those words came out my mouth. When we were getting closer i woke Pony up when he started crying and hollering in his sleep. When his eyes opened and saw me, he held onto me and it felt like he was never gonna let go, I knew his dreams were bad so I just let him hold on, let him cry, there was no point in letting him sleep now, When he calmed down we just sat in silence, letting everything soak in. The only thing calming me down in that moment was his heart beat. “Pony, what are we doing?” I asked. He just shrugged his shoulders, Next thing i knew was we were jumping out the carts trying to find the church. I couldn’t help but hold back a laugh at Pony asking the man for directions.  When we finally got to the church we got in and fell sleep. It was a terrible place to sleep for your back, but when you’re hiding from the police, it doesn’t matter. When I woke up to get supplies I was putting my shoes on, Pony was zipping his jacket up and Johnny was just shaking, I made mental note and was gonna find the boy another jacket. Before i put my head out the door Iistened, listened to what was around and when i thought it was clear I looked, nothing and no one, i ran out the door and began my walk to the store. As I was by myself my thoughts went to Darry, He’s gonna flip out. On all three of us, poor boy, just trying to protect his brother. I guess he has to be a parent to everyone of us, since our parents aren’t the best.  When I got back, I saw the boys up and attem. I brought in the box and handed Johnny a heavier denim jacket. Pony grabbed some bread and balogne out. Pony, you’re gonna dye your hair” Johnny said grabbing his blade “No sir, you ain’t touching my hair” Pony said I snickered listening to the two arguing about hair.  When they were done cutting and dying hair i ran my hand through Johnny’s hair “it’s so soft, how do you do that?” I asked, Johnny shrugged his shoulders “I guess it’s natural”  I heard footsteps, we fell asleep in the church. I sat up and grabbed the gun pointing it at where the sounds were coming from. All of a sudden Dal busts through the door. “Dallas!” I yelled and hugged him. The boys had a long discussion with questions. “Who’s hungry?” “We were at dairyqueen. Me and Pony in the back seats. “Pony, will you always love me?” I asked. He gave me a confused look, “Yeah, why do you ask?” He questioned back. “I don’t know just wondering I guess.” I said quietly. On the drive back Dallas was as always messing around. That’s when we saw it, the fire that started the beginning of the end. We ran in like the heros we aren’t. When we got all the kids out Pony escaped and i was right infront of Johnny but the ceiling fell in, The last thing I could remember was johnny’s screaming.  I woke up in a hospital room. “Where...” I began as i shook my head, trying to recall what happened. “Dallas Winston is in the other room” The nurse said. “Johnny?” Ponyboy?” I asked and kept asking. “Ponyboy will be right with you sweetie hang on, you’re in critical condition. “I looked down and realized.... I couldn’t feel my legs. They were covered. “What’s gonna happen to me?” I asked. very weakily. “We don’t know, but you will be okay” She smiled. I looked up and saw a mirror. I had most of my hair burnt. My arms had two degree burns. My stomach was almost skinless and my legs.....had no feeling. “I need you to move your toes please Ms, Winston” The nurse said. I tried to move them, “Very slightly, she’s not paralized but has a lot of nerve damage” I heard her whisper to the other nurse. “Better than the boy” The other nurse said. “Better than what boy?!” I freaked out. “Dallas?” I asked, the nurses shook their head. “Ponyboy?” I asked again. Their heads fell and the head nurse said “Johnny Cade” I felt stinging on m face, not realizing i was crying. “Johnnycakes?” I asked, my voice breaking. “What’s wrong with him?” I asked looking at the nurses for answers, They just left the room. First I saw Darry, Then Soda, Then Pony. “(y/n)!” Darry yelled and ran up to me, careful not to touch me. “Darry?” I asked and looked at him. “Is Johnny okay?” I asked as my voice broke again. He looked down and shook his head. The two left and Pony stayed. “Pony, say you will always love me, promise me, because I don’t know if i can walk again” I said. Pony looked down at my legs “That bad?” He asked, tears in his eyes. “Yeah.” I said. Next thing to happen was a nursing yellin my name. “(y/n)?” I heard, I looked up. “Have ou had seizures before?” She asked. “No? Why?” I asked. “You just had one” She said as she drew blood. Pony and Two came in. “We’re gonna have a rumble tonight” Two said. “Stop fighting” I replied, “It won’t change Johnny, it won’t change cops’ minds, it wont change anything” I said. My health was getting worse by the second. “(y/n) Imma go see Johnny, but I’ll be back after the rumble i love you” Pony kissed the top of my head, Two said his goodbye.  After they left, I was sturggling to breathe, none of the nurses were in my room so i tried to press the call button, i passed out before i could get to it. I heard loud noises and beeping, “She’s breathing!” A doctor said and did some paper. I looked i the back and saw the gang, Crying, or standing there bout to. “Guys?” I mutterted quietly. “Johnny’s dead.” They said. I broke, that was the point “WHY?! HE’S A YOUNG BOY!! HE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!” I said as loud as i could, which wasn’t very. Pony stayed with me, as the gang, including Dallas walked out too. I finally got another call, pony was asleep in the chair next to me. “W-what do you mean.” I said. not believing him at first. Pony woke up to that. I hung up, more tears falling. “Dallas, they shot him to death.”

[talkgreasytome]

Types of Impairment

Ship(s): Ponyboy x Sodapop Character(s): Deaf!Ponyboy ; Darry ; Sodapop ; Mentions of other characters Words: 5160 Warning(s): Incest // Major Character Death // Angst // Slight mentions of nsfw // Also fluffy //  A/N: I take a sign language class where I go to school and my teacher showed us a video compilation of deaf people hearing for the first time, and it inspired me to write this. Before writing this, I didn’t plan on it being so angsty, but nearing the end I started ugly sobbing as I typed. I just love making my OTP suffer :^) (If you wanna cry like how I did then listen to Hallelujah by Theory of a Deadman when you reach the parts about Vietnam) 

We never had enough money to really do things like eat out or buy new clothes when we needed them. The money always went to paying bills and making sure we were healthy. We didn’t much mind this though, none of us did. We were still happy.

I always thought we all were anyways.

I couldn’t hear from the get-go. At least, that’s what my parents told me. As soon as I was born, I was deaf. The doctors, my brothers, and my parents thought my hearing would get better, but by the time I was supposed to be learning how to talk and know what everyone was saying, they took me back and said I was deaf. My parents, being the amazing and spectacular parents that they were, did all that they could to make sure I was happy, healthy, and educated just like all the rest of the kids my age.

I went through the same things as boys like me did, too.

Puberty.

My lack of hearing definitely couldn’t change that part. I got pimples, I got all moody sometimes, and random erections too. But with puberty came having crushes and probably falling in love, too. In my case, that’s something that just had to happen.

I liked girls, sure. Well… I thought I did. Every time I saw a girl, they just all looked the same except maybe even ‘prettier’. Maybe that was because they were going through puberty, too, I thought, but I just never found a real attraction to them. I saw the boys, though, and man did I really see them. Not all of them, but some. A few. Well… One. I really saw one.

My… brother.

I never let my lack of hearing make me sad or feel like I wasn’t normal. I was actually happy with myself, that is, until I started noticing how Soda’s brown eyes would twinkle when he got a certain type of happy, or how he’d run his fingers through his hair just to have something to do… It was attractive to say the least.

Being deaf gave me a reason to stare at his lips. I’d try to talk like how he did and form sentences like him, but I found it difficult and just stuck to signing. But nobody questioned why I still tried to read his lips.

I was twelve, then, when I developed feelings for him. I always thought that since he was my brother, the feelings would go away because they weren’t natural. I was right about them not being natural, but it was like every day my feelings for him grew.

I started getting sad.

Everyone thought it was because I was deaf, or because I didn’t have much friends because of that. I didn’t care about having anymore friends, I like the ones I have, and being deaf doesn’t make me sad. I just couldn’t stand the thought of being in love with my big brother and him hating me for it because we’re brothers.

It got even worse when Mom and Dad died.

My nightmares were terrorizing, especially since I couldn’t remember them. But I knew every time I woke up, my heart would be beating harder and louder than a firecracker. I was too afraid to tell my brothers just in case they wanted to give me some ‘special treatment’. They hadn’t before, but I was always weary of people who wanted to treat me different because I was deaf. But they found out one night when I supposedly woke up screaming. I had to tell them about my nightmares then, and that lead to Soda moving from his room to sleep in my room with me. I didn’t know what to call the feeling for him at the time, but thinking back on it now, I was in love. When I was thirteen, I fell in love with him.

Although I was in love, that didn’t mean I liked him coming into my room at first. He was a bed and blanket hog and sometimes would wake me up just to talk. My main problem with it, though, was that all I wanted to do was kiss him, have him hold me, or do… other things.

I remember once he woke me up before because I was red in the face and whimpering. When my eyes opened, the image of Soda’s body above mine and touching all over me was still fresh in my mind, and I began to cry. He must have thought I was sick, because he started coddling me and letting my cry against his shirt. I clung tightly to him, the thoughts of ‘you’re sick and disgusting’ and ‘death would be better than this feeling’ floating around in my head. But I didn’t want to let him go; I didn’t want him to leave me.

He started holding me in my sleep after that, which actually was probably one or two weeks after he moved in with me. So it helped keep the nightmares away.

Feelings his arms around me brought me peace and made me feel like I was in a dream. I’d lean back against his chest and we’d breathe in sync, and he’d have his face buried in my hair. It put me at ease and made me feel better. Some nights, his body would just be a little bit lower so his lips just so happened to be touching my neck. It would bring shivers down my spine and make me feel hot in the face, but I liked it. Sometimes, I could feel his lips moving against my neck. Not in a way to kiss it, but like he was saying something. I could never understand what he was saying, and when I tried to ask the next day, he’d always deny that he was talking.

I tried memorizing how his lips moved. He’d say multiple things, but there was a pattern i recognized. His bottom lip would go in for a second before his lips puckered.

When me and my brothers talk, we talk in sign language. It’s the only way I can communicate. But because they can talk, they’ll do that as they sign. I figured it was easier for them to be able to know the words, but I watched Soda’s lips as he signed that he loved me, and I saw his bottom lip go in for a second before his lips puckered, and I could feel my heart tearing at itself.

What did he mean?

There was another night when his lips brushed a soft ‘I love you’ against my skin. I gulped, drew in a breath, and said back “I love you more.” I didn’t know how loud I was, I couldn’t even hear myself, but I knew how to talk. I learned eventually. This sent Soda into a panic. He backed away from me with wide eyes and I sat up so I could look at him worriedly and he started talking- not signing. I gave him a hurt, confused expression, and he when he realized I couldn’t understand, he seemed to start to calm down.

“Did you hear me?” He signed.

I shook my head and signed back, “I can feel your lips. I can read your lips a little. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know why I was apologizing, probably for scaring him so badly. He thought I was magically able to hear him again just because I responded to him. At this point, I was fourteen.

After that, I talked to Darry about wanting to hear. Before Soda moved into my room, I had never really thought of hearing. I was always proud of my deafness and didn’t want to change myself, but after that night, I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear Soda say that he loved me, I wanted to hear him say my name, I wanted to hear him say so many things.

Darry said we didn’t have money for an implant.

To say the least, I was disappointed, but it was foolish and selfish to even bring it up.

I never brought the idea up with Soda, because then he’d probably either tell me what Darry told me, or try to argue with Darry and make it worse. After that, I didn’t bring it up again. I just wanted to forget the idea of hearing.

It became increasingly difficult to stay happy. When Soda moved in with me, it was just the occasional sadness. The occasional ‘he wouldn’t love me if he knew’ or ‘if I don’t tell him it’d be better for both of us’. The realization of never being able to hear Soda’s voice, though, brought me to shambles. I couldn’t sign without having to force myself too.

Darry noticed, and Soda noticed, and the rest of my friends did.

“Pony, are you okay?”

“Pony, what’s going on?”

Blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter. I’d tell them that, and they’d insist it did, then I’d tell them it didn’t matter again, and they dropped it.

On my fifteenth birthday, Darry and Soda sat me down at the kitchen table. I feared I was in trouble for something I couldn’t recall, but they had smiles on their faces.

“What’s going on?” I signed.

Darry signed, “Do you still want a hearing implant?”

I looked between Darry and Soda before looking at Darry with a wide smile and continuously signed ‘Yes’. This made them laugh and I got up to hug them. Sure, I was nervous, maybe even scared, but I was going to hear them for the first time, them and my friends and know what they had to say. I was nervous, but I was excited.

I didn’t get the surgery or anything until about a month later, and I had to wait a while for the doctors to really turn it on. I was anxious for them to turn it on, I wanted- needed- it on.

At this point, me and Soda were together. When I told him, I was crying, I was shaking, and I couldn’t breathe. I was scared.

The night I told him, he crawled into bed like always and slung his arm around my waist as usual. That day was particularly hard for me because all I could think of was how bad I was for loving him. I pushed his arm back and shimmied away from him, curling into a ball, but he persisted and pulled me closer again. My heart pained and I pushed him back again, sitting up and turning to him.

“Don’t touch me,” I signed, and he frowned, sitting up as well.

“Did I do something wrong?”

I was starting to cry.

“I can’t tell you...”

“Why?”

“You’ll hate me...”

“I could never hate you!” He exclaimed, his facial features clear in the dark. My breathing was picking up and I could feel my ears going hot. “Please, I want to help…”

“You can’t help,” I signed, trying to keep myself from sobbing, “I’m scared…”

“Why? Why are you scared?” He asked, scooting closer to me, and I winced at the pain in my chest.

“I like someone… But they don’t like me back. If they knew, they’d hate me…”

I could see him go pale.

“Who?”

I raised my hands to show him his name sign, to tell him that it was him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just looked down at the blanket. He then tapped my shoulder to my attention back.

“Me?” He asked, and started to shake as I gave him a solemn ‘yes’. He took a deep breath and pulled me into his arms again, and this time I let him and clung to him, sobbing into his shirt, not caring if I was being loud.

“I’m sorry,” I said vocally. I couldn’t hear myself, but I needed to get words out and we couldn’t sign while we were hugging. “I’m sorry I’m a bad brother…”

He just gently rubbed my back and rocked me until I had calmed down. To know he at least didn’t hate me was a comforting thought, but I was still torturing myself and saying he did.

When I pulled away, I was too afraid to look at him, so I went to turn away. Before I could, he took a firm grip on both of my forearms and pulled back back again, his lips touching mine. My eyes went wide and my heart stopped in my chest. But I kissed him back, even leaning in and grabbing at his shirt. He smiled into the kiss and slowly leaned back onto the bed, pulling me down with him. I adjusted my body and moved around so I was straddling him. I wasn’t looking for sex, and I don’t think he was either; we just needed to be close.

I fell asleep on top of him, and when I woke up, I almost jumped out of my skin until I remembered what happened the night before. I had accidentally woken him up, and when he woke up, he was smiling and seemed sleepy.

“I love you,” he mouthed, and my heart melted.

“I love you too.”

He gave me confidence and made me happy. Of course we were together in secret, we couldn’t tell Darry or anyone, but I was still much happier with him. His warm hugs, his gentle kisses and words of encouragement, it made me want to hear even more.

When we went back to the hospital to have my hearing aid turned on, I was nervous. I didn’t think it was going to work and that I’d be disappointed again.

I sat in a chair quietly and watched as Darry and Soda talked to this nurse who was typing and looking over a computer screen. I knew it was for my hearing aid, and then sudden fear of it hurting came to me. I leaned forward and pulled at Soda’s arm, getting his attention to ask if it’d hurt, then he asked the nurse and said no.

“Just relax, Pony. It’s gonna be a little loud at first, but breathe, okay?” I nodded, but I didn’t let his hand go. He didn’t make me. He just came over pulled up a chair to sit by my side and hold my hand as Darry and the nurse talked. I was a little scared to hold his hand in front of other people, but as they saw it as comfort, I saw it as that and romance. It calmed me down a lot.

Darry signed as the nurse began talking to me. I’d nod and sign ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and such, and suddenly, she was telling me she was turning it on. I just nodded and shut my eyes as she did. At first, all I could hear was a high-pitched sound, but as she turned up the volume, that sound disappeared and it was quiet again, until a soft- though it sounded loud to me- voice asked: “Can you hear me?”

I froze and my jaw dropped. My eyes widened as tears sprang into my eyes. I looked at Darry and the nurse, and they were smiling at me, and when I turned to Soda, he seemed to be crying too.

“Was that you?” I asked quietly, my voice a whisper, and he nodded.

“It was me,” he confirmed, and my heart melted. His voice was so sweet and gentle, and I sniffled and wiped at my eyes. “Oh Pony…” he hummed, pulling me into a hug, and smiled widely, burying my face in his neck. “I love you so much…”

“I love you, too…” I whispered back. As we hugged, I could hear the nurse talking to Darry, and Darry talking back, and it only raised my happiness. Darry’s voice was a little deep, but smooth still. The nurses was higher pitched and sounded cheery.

“Can you hear me too, hun?” The nurse asked after a second and I sniffled and pulled away from Soda, though still clutched his hand. I smiled at her and she nodded.

“I’m gonna be checking that every time you come in. It’s gonna be a little loud because  your brain has to process that you’re hearing things for the first time, but it’ll get easier to handle.”

“I’m okay with that,” I said, really hearing my voice for the first time and feeling proud, “all I want is to hear my brothers and friends.”

She simply nodded and went back to talking with Darry. I could hear him say that he wanted a little more information and such about my implant, and as they talked, I looked back at Soda and saw that he was staring at me. I couldn’t help but blush deeply and look down at my lap. He squeezed my hand and brought it up to touch his cheek, and my heart continued to swell.

“Would you get annoyed if I kept tellin’ you I love you?” I shook my head, another few tears slipping from my eyes.

“I don’t wanna go the rest of my life without hearing it.”

After that, life seemed almost better. I signed when I talked so I wouldn’t forget my words just in case, but after my hearing aid was turned on, I felt… happier. Just a little bit.

I could hear everyone’s voices, and they all matched their looks and personalities, but Soda’s voice made my heart flutter. The morning after coming home, I was clinging to him like always, and I heard him snore. I didn’t know he snored, and I was always just told that Darry did. He was sleeping softly and I didn’t want to wake him up, but slowly I stopped his snoring with a soft kiss. His eyes fluttered open and were only open a second before he was kissing my back, lazily draping his arms around me.

“Good morning,” he hummed, and my heart skipped a beat.

“Say that again.” He chuckled.

“Good morning my love.”

I smiled a little wider and kissed him again, even deeper. He welcomed this and slowly slipped his tongue into my mouth. Feeling his tongue rub up against mine was heaven, but hearing his soft little moans made it better and made goosebumps go down my body. I whimpered, and he chuckled.

“It’s too early, baby...”

He’d always make up excuses like that. I knew I was just fifteen and he was eighteen, but I knew the real reasons he wouldn’t touch me, and it was because I was his brother and I was a virgin. I never pushed him, though. I respected his feelings and I understood. It just made me feel a little unwanted from time to time, especially since we’ve been together for about a year. Hearing his rejection made it hurt a little worse, though.

I dropped it, though, because I didn’t want to make him upset. I just cuddled him until I fell asleep again. His warmth was my only happiness along with his voice.

When I woke up again, it was in the afternoon. Soda wasn’t in bed and it sent me into a mini panic. I quickly scrambled to get up and down the hall to see if he was still even here, and when I heard he and Darry yelling at each other, it made me stop. They never fought.

“Soda?” I called, and suddenly he was flying out of the kitchen and over to me.

“Turn your hearing aid off.”

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you in a little bit, just… turn it off!” A little frightened, I quickly did as he told me to and he turned back and ran into the kitchen. I saw that he was crying, his cheeks red and puffy and his voice shaky. I tried peeking into the kitchen, but all I could see was the stove, so I knew they were standing at the table. Slowly I turned up my hearing aid, I could hear Soda yelling angrily: “You can’t take him from me!” I quickly turned my hearing aid off again. I was afraid to hear.

I went back to bed after that and just stayed put. Hearing that, I knew it was about me, and I automatically thought I was doing something wrong.

I was in silence for a long time.

I wasn’t aware when Soda entered my bedroom until the bed shifted behind me. I sat up and turned to him, turning my aid back on and crawling over to him, my arms going around him.

“What’s going on?” I asked, my heart aching in my chest, and I could feel his chest moving up and down quickly. He was sobbing.

“He knows,” he choked out, folding one arm over his stomach and taking one of Pony’s hands tightly in his other hand. “But you know what? I-I’m not lettin’ him split us up. I've worked too damn hard to keep us together!” Soda shouted this loudly just for Darry to hear, and I jumped. It always startled me when anyone got too loud.

“We have to… break up?” I asked. The words came out, but the realization wasn’t hitting me. It was like the words were fake, that it wasn’t actually happening, I was just saying it to say it. He looked up at me and I had to move so I was just sitting next to him, and he carefully took my other hand.

“No, I’m not letting that happen. I’m not leaving you.”

“You heard me!” Darry yelled as he walked down the hall to his room, slamming his door shut as soon as he got in. We both jumped, and I gripped Soda’s hand tighter.

“You heard him? What did you hear?” I asked, resisting the urge to sign. When I was stressed and worried or anything else, it was just easier. Soda shook his head and let go of my hands anyways, grabbing at his jeans and just trying to breathe. He didn’t like being sad.

“He said I had to move out of your room,” he started, his voice shaky, “he just said to stop. That it wasn’t normal, that it shouldn’t happen, that we could be taken away…”

I frowned. Darry was right in all of that, but he wasn’t the type of guy to just lay it on the table. He was straightforward, sure, but he would have made sure Soda was okay, or at least, not on the verge of a panic attack or in one.

I stood up off the bed and pulled Soda into a hug in which he hugged me back tighter than he usually did. I wondered vaguely if this is how I would hold onto him when we were cuddling. When I went to pull back, his hold on me tightened.

“Just let him calm down, Pony…” I shook my head and pushed him away, then stood probably a foot away from him and began to sign furiously.

“I don’t care that we’re brothers! I love you! How did he find out?” Soda wiped at his eyes and a bright blush formed on his face.

“I may have been thinkin’ about you at work and Steve told Darry ‘because he was worried’...” My eyes widened and I blushed just slightly, but shook my head and started signing again.

“So what now? Are we just gonna… let him split us up? Because I need you! You make me happy! Don’t be scared, be mad! You’re an adult, and I’m almost sixteen! The only thing wrong is that we’re brothers, but it doesn’t matter because I love you!” I wanted to emphasize that I loved him so he would see that I need him more than he thinks I do, that I didn’t want him gone, that I needed him there.

I never realized how much I needed him, though, when he was actually gone…

It was February and the war in Vietnam hadn’t ceased yet. Everywhere you looked, people were leaving on busses and not coming home for probably years.

I woke up without Soda again. That didn’t happen often, in fact it was rare. He always waited for me to wake up and we’d have a few minutes before getting up so we had a small time just to ourselves. I feared the worst- that he and Darry were arguing. Darry eventually let up and let us stay together as long as we didn’t get caught and he didn’t know anything about it. Other than that, he still treated us like he loved us and we were just brothers.

I turned my hearing aid on and walked silently down the hall, but instead of hearing them yelling, I heard quiet crying. Frowning, I looked into the living room and saw Soda clinging to Darry, his face buried in Darry’s shirt.

“I can’t leave you guys… I-I can’t leave Pony…”

I looked to the coffee table and saw an opened letter sitting next to Darry’s coffee. Quietly, I wandered in and picked up the paper, not caring that they knew I was there.

It was a draft notice for Soda, and I could physically feel myself going pale and sick.

“Pony?” I heard Soda asked, but I set the paper down and took a breath, then turning toward him with tears filling my eyes.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” I signed. I could have spoken, and signing made me feel guilty for some reason, but I couldn’t help it. I signed when I was upset.

“I didn’t-”

“In sign language,” I interrupted quickly, and he sighed and raised his shaky hands.

“I didn’t want you to hear me cry…”

“Were you going to tell me?” I asked, tears stinging my eyes. It always made me feel bad hearing other people or even myself cry. Soda pushed himself away from Darry to stand closer in front of me, and I knew I shouldn’t be so hard on him, but I felt more than upset.

Heartbroken.

“Yes! I can’t just leave you!”

“Seems to be what you’re doing!” I signed angrily, giving him a hurt look before quickly rushing off back to our room, a hand over my mouth so I couldn’t sob too loudly if I did. I slammed my door, and when I was safely inside by myself, I leaned back against it and turned off my hearing. I didn’t mean to be mean, I knew Soda couldn’t help it and he was trying to protect my feelings, but I couldn’t help but think that he was leaving me. Sure, him being gone meant he was leaving Darry, and Steve, and everyone else, but… It hurt my heart like he was leaving me.

Like he wasn’t come back…

Eventually, I had turned my hearing back on. It was only a couple hours later, when I had really calmed down from being so angry and sad. I felt stupid for acting so dramatically and abruptly, and I wanted to apologize, but I just wanted to lay in bed and do nothing- feel nothing. Dramatic, I knew, but it felt like I had already lost him.

At that time, I didn’t feel nearly as bad as when I did lose him.

The night before Soda left was painful.

We laid in bed quietly together. I couldn’t muster up any tears, but I knew if I talked, I’d end up breaking down, so I laid silently and numbly in his arms, my back to his chest and his arms around me. He would occasionally whisper to me that he loved me with all of his heart and that I was the only thing that could make him happy. When he didn’t say anything for awhile, I thought he had fallen asleep. I turned around in his arms, buried my face between his neck and shoulder, and I let myself cry.

“I’m scared tonight is the last night I’ll get to hear your voice… I can’t live without hearing you tell me you love me…”

His hold on my tightened, and I could hear him sniffle some.

“Please don’t cry… You’re not gonna lose me, I promise… I’m not gonna let you stop hearing it… I love you…”

I couldn’t sleep without Soda, but other than that, the first few days were okay. Quieter, but okay.

Just slowly after that did everything really shift and decline.

I would use Soda’s flannels to try and sleep, and it worked for the most part. I slept. But i was restless. I couldn’t focus during school; my mind would wander to him. Darry noticed my grades slowly slipping and how my eyes seemed sunken in, and just how different I was. At the time, I didn’t think I was any different, I thought I was just fine, but in reality I was a wreck.

“Ponyboy, you’re not eatin’ and you’re not sleeping. Do you need to see someone?”

It was visibly obvious Darry didn’t like asking me that when he did. I knew he didn’t like seeing me in such a terrible state- he didn’t want to lose me, too. I didn’t want to go anywhere and I didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything, so I just shook my head.

“I don’t need a therapist or anything, I’m fine, really.” I gave him a smile, and he carefully clapped my back and gave me a gentle smile. He didn’t smile too much and I liked seeing it.

“Help me cook dinner, yeah?”

“Sure.”

We’d write letters to Soda, and there’d be the occasional phone-call. Sometimes, I was able to muster up a smile and lie and say I had a good day. I knew he could tell I was lying, because in every letter I sent him, there were dried tears and me telling him I was fine.

One of the worst feelings in the world is getting your hopes too high up then getting crushed with utter disappointment.

Christmas time was approaching after a long year. Soda had called at one point in November promising me that he would be coming home soon. He promised that once he got home, he’d never let me go. He wouldn’t let anyone take him from me again.

The last thing I heard him tell me was how proud of me he was for still being there when he wasn’t and how much he loved me.

The letters stopped coming.

There were no more phone calls.

That winter was the coldest it ever was and Soda wasn’t there to hold me as I shivered and sneezed. Darry tried comforting me, but I couldn’t help but push him away. I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted Soda to come home.

Silence took over my world again.

Because what was the point in being able to hear if I couldn’t hear Soda’s voice, too?

[janabutterfly]

Harry Potter und Hamilton(musical)???

Some might know the famous musical HAMILTON by Lin-Manuel Miranda which is about the founding father Alexander Hamiltion. There are rumors ‘bour Hamilton being gay for his best friend Laurens ... or at least being super bi!

I came to the conclusion that the lyric of so many songs are sooo like Harry and Draco and yes.... Even when Laurent isn’t Burr (the character I see as Draco) just the possibility that it somehow would work (since Laurens dies at the battlefield at the age of 27 and after the war Alexander studied law and Burr works ‘right next door‘ even though they cannot really get along (*cough* like some other two I know *cough*)

Hamilton also asks Burr for help at some point, which he denies.

You can’t say (at least after listen to some of the songs) that doesn’t sound like the fanciest Drarry fanfiction. Furthermore Lin-Maunel Miranda confesses towards Emma Watson in an interview that the first meeting between Burr and hamilton is inspired from the first meeting of Harry and Draco (DARRY OMG)

so you seeeeeeee

but for those who want to reed more about the lyrics I mentioned before

The first meeting : “Aaron Burr, Sir “ by Lin-Manuel Miranda

1776 New York City HAMILTON: Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir? BURR: That depends, who's asking? HAMILTON: Oh well sure, sir I'm Alexander Hamilton I'm at your service, sir I have been looking for you BURR: I'm getting nervous HAMILTON: Sir, I heard your name at Princeton I was seeking an accelerated course of study When I got sort out of sorts with a buddy of yours I may have punched him It’s a blur, sir He handles the financials— BURR: You punched the bursar? HAMILTON: Yes, I wanted to do what you did Graduate in two, then join the revolution He looked at me like I was stupid I’m not stupid So how’d you do it? How’d you graduate so fast? BURR: It was my parents' dying wish before they passed HAMILTON: You're an orphan Of course, I'm an orphan God, I wish there was a war! Then we could prove that we're worth more Than anyone bargained for BURR: Can I buy you a drink? HAMILTON: That would be nice BURR: While we’re talking, let me offer you some free advice Talk less HAMILTON: What? BURR: Smile more HAMILTON: Ha BURR: Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for HAMILTON: You can't be serious BURR: You want to get ahead? HAMILTON: Yes BURR: Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead LAURENS: Yo yo yo yo yo! What time is it? LAURENS, MULLIGAN: Showtime! BURR: ...like I said... LAURENS: Showtime! Showtime! Yo! I’m John Laurens in the place to be! Uh, two pints o' Sam Adams, but I'm working on three, uh! Those redcoats don't want it with me Cause I will pop chick-a-pop these cops 'til I'm free! LAFAYETTE: Ah oui oui, mon ami, je m'appelle Lafayette! The Lancelot of the revolutionary set! I came from afar just to say "Bonsoir!" Tell the king, “Casse-toi!” Who's the best? C’est moi! MULLIGAN: Brrrah, brraaah! I am Hercules Mulligan Up in it, lovin’ it Yes I heard your mother say “come again?” LAURENS, LAFAYETTE: Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy MULLIGAN: Lock up your daughters and horses, of course It's hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets LAFAYETTE: Wow LAURENS: No more sex Pour me another brew, son! Let’s raise a couple more LAURENS, LAFAYETTE, MULLIGAN: To the revolution! LAURENS: Well if it ain’t the prodigy of Princeton College MULLIGAN: Aaron Burr LAURENS: Give us a verse, drop some knowledge BURR: Good luck with that You’re takin’ a stand You spit, I’mma sit We’ll see where we land LAFAYETTE, MULLIGAN: Booooo/Ohhhhhh LAURENS: Burr, the revolution’s imminent What do you stall for? HAMILTON: If you stand for nothing, Burr, what’ll you fall for? LAURENS, MULLIGAN, LAFAYETTE: Oooh LAURENS: Who are you? MULLIGAN: Who are you? LAFAYETTE: Who are you? LAURENS, MULLIGAN, LAFAYETTE: Who, who is this kid? What's he gonna do?

What did I say?  *laughing*

the next one is after the war has begun and Hamilton rises while Burr stays with the person he loves (a married woman named Theodosia) but it is as save as possible in times of war. Burr claims that he ist not standing still, he is lying in wait (like a true slytherin, i honestly like the two lines best in the whole song)

“Wait for it” by Lin-Manuel Miranda

BURR Theodosia writes me a letter ev'ry day. I'm keeping her bed warm while her husband is away. He's on the British side of Georgia. He's tryin' to keep the colonies in line. He can keep all of Georgia. Theodosia, she's mine. Love doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes and we keep loving anyway. We laugh and we cry and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason I'm by her side when so many have tried then I'm willing to wait for it. I'm willing to wait for it. My grandfather was a fire and brimstone preacher, MEN (interjected) Preacher Preacher Preacher BURR But there are things that the homilies and hymns won't teach ya. MEN (interjected) Teach ya Teach ya Teach ya BURR My mother was a genius WOMEN (interjected) Genius BURR My father commanded respect. MEN (interjected) Respect Respect BURR When they died they left no instructions. Just a legacy to protect. BURR/ENSEMBLE Death doesn't discriminate Between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes and we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason I'm still alive when everyone who loves me has died I'm willing to wait for it. I'm willing to wait for it. Wait for it. ENSEMBLE Wait for it Wait for it Wait for it BURR I am the one thing in life I can control ENSEMBLE Wait for it Wait for it Wait for it Wait for it BURR I am inimitable I am an original ENSEMBLE Wait for it Wait for it Wait for it Wait for it BURR I'm not falling behind or running late ENSEMBLE Wait for it Wait for it Wait for it Wait for it BURR I'm not standing still, I am lying in wait ENSEMBLE Wait Wait Wait BURR Hamilton faces an endless uphill climb ENSEMBLE Climb Climb Climb BURR He has something to prove He has nothing to lose ENSEMBLE Lose Lose Lose Lose BURR Hamilton's pace is relentless he wastes no time ENSEMBLE Time Time Time BURR What is it like in his shoes? Hamilton doesn't hesitate. He exhibits no restraint. He takes and he takes and he takes and he keeps winning anyway. He changes the game. He plays and he raises the stakes. And if there's a reason he seems to thrive when so few survive, then God dammit I'm willing to wait for it. I'm willing to wait for it... Life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints it takes and it takes and it takes We rise. We fall And if there's a reason I'm still alive When so many others have died, then I'm willin' to- COMPANY (at the same time) I'm willing to wait for it. Wait for it Wait for... I'm willing to- Life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints it takes and it takes and it takes and we keep living anyway, we rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes and if there's a reason I'm still alive when so many have died, then I'm willing' to- BURR Wait for it... WOMEN Wait for it... MEN Wait for it... 

I really like it ♥

the next one (and last for this post) is the sond “Dear Theodosia“ by Lin-Manuel Miranda. In the original context it’s about Burr’s daughter Theodosia and Hamiltons son Phillip and how much both love their children and would do anything for them. I think that is really like Draco and Harry. Because waht ever you can say about both of them, they love their family more than anything else.

[Burr] Dear Theodosia what to say to you You have my eyes You have your mother's name When you came into the world you cried and it broke my heart I'm dedicating everyday to you Domestic life was never quite my style When you smile, you knock me out I fall apart and I thought I was so smart You will come of age with our young nation We'll bleed and fight for you We'll make it right for you If we lay a strong enough foundation We'll pass it on to you We'll give the world to you and you'll blow us all away Someday x2 Yeah you'll blow us all away Someday x2 [Hamilton] Oh, Phillip when you smile I am undone, my son Look at my son Pride is not the word I'm looking for There is so much more inside me now Oh, Phillip you outshine the morning sun, my son When you smile, I fall apart and I thought I was so smart My father wasn't around [Burr] My father wasn't around [Hamilton] I swear that [Both] I'll be around for you [Hamilton] I'll do whatever it takes [Burr] I'll make a million mistakes [Both] I'll make the world safe and sound for you You'll come of age with our young nation We'll bleed and fight for you We'll make it right for you If we lay a strong enough foundation We'll pass it on to you We'll give the world to you and you'll blow us all away Someday x2 Yeah, you'll blow us all away Someday, someday

Like you may noticed I took the lyrics from an other webside.

Here:  http://www.themusicallyrics.com/h/351-hamilton-the-musical.html

there are all lyrics from the fantastic musical HAMILTON.

thanks for reeding this far: take a cookie :)