#life is busy but good right now
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hi all how has everyone been :)
#life is busy but good right now#the apartment hunt is killing me#genuinely asking can the real estate market just crash already#but it's good i will find my dream place soon#and go into debt for many years but that's fine i'll get by#that’s what i keep telling myself#however if anyone has a spare one million dollars that they wouldn’t mind just putting into my account please let me know#be a hero among your fellow millionaires!#other than that i'm still around still keeping up more or less with the fandom#still figuring out my place in the world and what i want from life#hope everyone here is doing fine too x
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‘But I am very poorly today & very stupid & hate everyone & everything’
- Charles Darwin. Letter to Charles Lyell, 1 October 1861
#Darwin#quotes#famous quotes#Charles Darwin#always remember that everyone has bad days sometimes#even the people who look like they are productive beyond human capacity#sometimes it’s important to just acknowledge it and see that there are good things to come#but right now is just shit#anyway I have a flu or something#and right now I hate everyone and everything#and my immune system most of all#and the parents who send their sick and contagious kids to daycare#and the evolution of viruses#who tbh have absolutely no business to be wreaking such havoc on the more organised domains of life#about me#sorry to be a downer#your usual frog-related content will resume after a brief intermission#I realise that posting quotes is super cringe#sorry about that#at least some of you probably haven’t seen this quote before#so you’ve learned something today#and I’ve gotten to vent#win-win?
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Speaking of House of Hope .. and since we have to get the Hammer to free her aaaaand unfortunately there's no way to say to the Emperor that it was only to free Hope and he instantly assumes the worst.... how did Greygold deal with it (if its OK to ask?)?
You ever read the first half of a dialogue choice and then not the other half before clicking too late? It went poorly to say the least! Terrible dialogue choices but on point for Greygold's terrible charismatic charm. Opened Greygold's eyes that Emps still has some deep-seated trust issues that still need sorting out between them.
But Greygold can't deny that they did, for all intents and purposes, grab that hammer for more than Hope. But For Love as well. And completing their quest journal.
#bg3 spoilers#bg3#baldur's gate 3#the emperor bg3#greygold#bg3 fanart#bg3 comic#Greygold was trying to sound business-y while never having business-ed ever in their life before#Gotta support babe#can't just NOT keep the hammer after all that's happened#a shame there are now misunderstandings and ruffled tentacles between Emps and Greygold#A SHAME I FORGOT TO SAVE RIGHT AFTER THE BATTLE BEFORE I LEFT#good drama though#Smoothed out the bumps with Lae'zel and immediately created new bumps with Emps#can't win#Sorry for the long wait answering this too laskdfjsf
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hey gang, do we all agree that ten's massive ego and god complex (or rather those traits being especially prominent in his regeneration) were a direct result of what happened in Parting of the Ways?
"marlena what the fuck do you mean" okay well think about it; ninth doctor. fresh off the time war. thinks himself unlovable, unworthy of love. just did a double genocide, including against his own people. he's returning to his old ways of lallygagging around helping humans in a more-than-desperate attempt to repress his feelings and try to mimic the person he was before the war. he's so vulnerable.
enter rose tyler. to him? she's the most amazing person in the universe. he loves her, full stop. she makes him feel like maybe he's still capable of love, but does he really trust her love for him? after all, she doesn't really know him, does she?
all that comes to a head when rose tyler becomes the bad wolf. in that moment, she sees everything. everything everything. the doctor's past, and the doctor's future. every horrible thing they did and will do.
and in that moment, with all this truth streaming constantly into her brain, most amazing person in the universe rose tyler looks at him and goes "i want to save you. you are worth saving."
bro no fucking shit ten has a motherfucking god complex, jesus christ i would too!!!
now personally i think nine would have rationalized it and been relatively Normal 'bout all that noise had he survived onwards, but unfortunately he didn't, and so when the doctor's subconscious and the universe were holding hands deciding what their new little guy should be like... well, we're already making him just for her, and she loves him.
rose tyler loves me. she loved me even when she knew me.
i'm just saying, that "Bad Wolf chose to save me" to "the laws of time are mine to command" pipeline is a straight vertical drop only a few feet long.
#there's also an argument to be made about the time vortex being responsible for his death#and how that might have contributed too#yeah sorry the inpenatrable waves of time lived inside your boyfriend and killed him#yeah and it kinda fucked up his regenerarion#so sorry girl your boyfriend's new life is tainted with the pull of ultimate power over one's domain#this won't actually mean much to you since your boyfriend will split in two#and the one you'll get to keep is too busy having a human brain and being warborn#but this will have horrible consequences for him after he turns six#and will emotionally devastate just about every other person he crosses paths with#but hey that's alright; remember that drunk guy who foretold good tidings on new year's?#yeah that was your boyfriend. he went back to see you as he was dying from the results of his god complex.#he came back to be with the reason he did everything— the reason he was— one last time#okay i'm making myself cry right now i gotta chill#running my mouth#doctor who#nuwho#tenth doctor#10th doctor#ninth doctor#9th doctor#the doctor#rose tyler
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s2 episode 17 thoughts
whispers softly. man... i need a minute. shaky breath.
okay. i'll start at the top like always. AUGH THE TEARS. fighting them. okay. need to put on some sad songs to accompany the 45-60 minutes it will take to type all this up
so, i sat down ready to see where this was gonna go. in fact i noted that i was incredibly locked in. which i continue to believe that i was.
we see a submarine, which is a type of craft i just do not trust. even before all that went down last summer. too scary for me. but they see something giving off a signal. and despite being a cartographer ship, they have missiles. and they're gonna go towards the thing they see on the radar, because they were told to. which seems wrong.
but then all their power is knocked out!!! and they are ordered to surface. but how will they do that under a ton of ice?!?!
title sequence. i was expecting different than the usual "the truth is out there" but i guess it's just business as usual over here despite it all
back to where we left off: scully's on the phone with real mulder and fake mulder is in her room. she hangs up on real mulder and tells the fake one that it was a wrong number, which had to be confusing to real mulder.
she tells him to put his hands on the wall, and he makes some quip about being shot before and not caring for it, and for a minute i'm like oh shit, that's a very mulder thing to do- what if he is, in fact, real mulder, and it's fake mulder on the phone? but that theory didn't make much sense anyway and also it was quickly put to rest by the fact that he started beating the hell out of scully.
so time skip: real mulder shows up to the scene with his "sister", who says the alien hit man is gonna call and ask to make a trade: scully for his "sister", and yeah, quotes are verbatim, i was still not buying this whole family relation thing
but his "sister" says that she knows how to kill the alien hit man: you have to hit the base of his skull. maybe. she isn't 100% certain. and also you can't miss because their blood is toxic. which we actually did already know!
and he's getting suspicious. why won't she explain exactly where she has been all this time? and what's this deal with her "father"? he's yelling at her at this point and i get it because it's not adding up to me either
she says that the aliens have been trying to establish a colony on earth since the 1940's, and:
"it's their belief that the stewardship of the planet is being forsaken" <- okay yeah. can't argue there. some of us are trying, aliens. i am not one of the mega companies pouring nuclear waste into the ocean. but maybe y'all could do a better job. and she continues:
"and that by default they'll someday become the natural heirs" <- well hey. you were sounding reasonable but now you are not. have we considered that maybe the people already here could give it another go free from the shackles of the 1%? you're acting like it's an estate sale and buddy we're still living in the house. you lost me there, and i was willing to hear you out.
she says that all of the clones worked at abortion clinics to gain access to fetal tissue, so they could combine human and alien dna. which i imagine had to be a good pr boost for abortion clinics (heavy on the /s here)
and the killer is after them because their experiments with mixing alien with human dna were not sanctioned, so they're "diluting the race", which i guess seems like the thing they would be worried about.
he doesn't seem to fully buy it, because he says "that's a good story, but i've heard a lot of good stories lately" which is true!!! our old worstie ambrose chapel was a liar, remember? or at least someone impersonating him was doing some lying!
"i'm your sister, fox, you have to trust me" UM PROOF?? have we done a dna test??? you can't just show up like that!!!!!
skinner knocks at the door... but is it really him? or the shapeshifting hit man????
"why are the lights out?" skinner asks quite reasonably "orders from my ophthalmologist" he says, lying very easily for a man for loves the Truth. but it did make me giggle.
sister approves that it is really skinner! only after they set a trap to get him just in case it wasn't. again i ask why she can tell if it's the man or not but okay. we move past that.
he makes introductions: "this is my sister, samantha mulder" to which skinner replies "WHAT"
and yeah. i would react the same!!!!
(also weird to hear mulder used as a last name. to me that's just the guy. you know?)
NOOO his phone rings. it's scully calling from a payphone. "he says he's gonna kill me if you don't give him what he wants" oh. okay.
there's no time to explain to skinner what is going on so!!! just please trust me, he says!!! and he does. another point for skinner, who is like a strange uncle or cousin to me.
they go to do a hostage trade: "samantha" for scully. and is this the same bridge where they did the hostage deal for mulder at the end of s1? do they only have one bridge for hostage deals. might be a bit much to have 2 in one city.
skinner has a sniper in the bush, ready to shoot at the base of the alien hit man's neck during the exchange. okay save the day mister sniper please.
AUGH HOSTAGE EXCHANGE. it's so tense. i paused here to write how tense it was, which did not ease it in the slightest. the hit man has a gun to scully's head and it's recalling mulder's early trauma with hostage exchanges. they're waiting for the right moment to shoot....
scully's in the car!!!! but samantha tried to use the needle that kills the aliens and she MISSED and the sniper shot was messed up and then there's firing and is it the sniper? or is it the hit man? who is hit? it is very unclear!!!!! both hit man and samantha tumble into the cold water beneath.
he's still at the bridge, staring down into the place he last saw her. scully comes out to join him, and he says "you should be at the hospital" (she has gauze on her head and says she was just discharged)
he's staring into the water, trying to come up with different ways she might have lived
"why didn't you tell me on the phone that it was her?" "i couldn't tell you 'cause you'd never let me go through with it" AUGHHHHHHHHH.
(and knowing how the episode ends. i am glad this happened. but in the moment. this was a gut punch)
she asks how he knew it was really his sister (valid question, one i fear he should have asked as well) and he snaps about how could she ask that, and she's like, dude someone with your face and body just kidnapped me???? so the whole who is who thing is a little murky??
(she actually calmly explains this. without any judgement. judgement added was my own. but you can imagine that after this experience, hearing "he's an alien" might still be a bit of a hard sell)
okay, mr. mulder is on the scene. he has to tell his dad he lost his sister. I lost her, he says. emphasis on the I. as if it was an action that he took. fuck.
and his dad hits back with a "you LET this man take your sister?" and son mulder is CRYING. what the HELL this is too much. the man has suffered too much. i'm given flashbacks to the last time we saw him cry when he thought he lost scully forever.
PAUSE. i just know the actors were eating up these lines. ohhh i know they were sinking their teeth into them the way that good dialogue allows you to. when you tap into the soul of a character, a whole person who isn't even real, because the writing cuts to their heart. yeah yeah yeah i knowww they were rolling with it and it felt Good
back to the scene. his father is giving him a guilt trip about how his mother is going to deal with "losing her again". and he's apologizing and crying when his dad pulls out an envelope
"your sis- SAMANTHA" told me to give you this.
the implication that he lost the claim to be considered related to her????? is sooooo entirely messed up?? that is the kind of thing that ruins a person???? holy fuck??
he's sobbing while opening the letter, and it gives an address where she says they can meet up if they are separated... so maybe she's really still out there??? hope has been installed back into "she's not actually dead" camp
he rolls up to the address and parks in an area labeled "NO PARKING". grief will do this to a guy.
but just as he arrives, scully calls and says they found her in the river. NOOOOOO THE NEWLY RETURNED HOPE.... "whatever you're feeling, you can't blame yourself" she says, knowing that he must be putting his whole soul into Blaming Himself
but... her body is melting??? is it an alien body??? is the melting gonna turn into toxic gas?? scully don't stare at it you're gonna get all thick blood!!!!
back to mulder. this man is experiencing all stages of grief at once on the steps of a women's clinic. he goes in and pulls out a gun and boy i sure hope there are no women inside.
someone is in there. it's... someone with samantha's face??? saying that she knows "she's dead"????? "it was all a lie", he mumbles as he realizes he was played
YESSSS I KNEW IT. i knew that was NOT his sister. i knew it was too weird and coincidental to be true. this makes the grief of losing her dissipate entirely so i do consider this a win beyond me just being able to guess where the plot was going
and i'm thinking, how the hell is he gonna explain all this to scully? like, to mom and dad, you will have to play along with the whole "she died" thing, and while that is by no means easy, it is a concrete thing you can say and do. but scully??? how is she going to react to "someone pretended to be my sister and then got killed"
(i suppose mulder could tell his parents that DNA testing on "samantha's body" proved no relation, but that would still be complicated to walk through, because there was no corpse to prove that, you know, because she dissolved- maybe scully could make some paperwork to make it look real?)
back to the matter at hand: these aliens with the same face are saying that he must save their original source. and he says "i am not your savior" which- tea. set your boundaries king. in fact, had i been there, i would have done the opposite of protecting, and instead start blasting these aliens that pretended to be my long-dead sister.
but they have leverage... they know where she really is...... so he doesn't walk out....
hit man arrives!!!!! armed with his needle!!! and mulder goes to confront him, but he knocks him on his back, and sets a fire- mulder's weakness!!!!!!
scully is making a report. she cannot substantiate his claims of aliens. and she's got a cut on her forehead from hit man taking her. my poor queen :(
back to the fbi agent that died in the last episode. he has nasty cuts allllll over. like he was carved with designs. sorry for that imagery but i saw it and must describe it.
she thinks she can solve this case with the power of SCIENCE!!! what killed this guy, exactly? maybe if we can figure it out, the other pieces could fall into place
so the virus that causes the blood to thicken is inhibited by the cold.... which explains our earlier scene of mulder in the ice tub and her yelling about him needing to be cold...
DEEP THROAT 2.0 ARRIVAL? (sidenote does this dude have a real name? like while this was airing what were y'all calling him...)
he tells mulder that the last alien- the one who was sent to kill the clones, our shapeshifting hit man- has been tracked to alaska, and that you have to pick your battles to win the war. telling him not to go to alaska. can you imagine.
scully goes to his place and knocks but no one answers. and his newspapers on at the doorstep. so she busts out her keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey..... heart still melts that she has this.......
and HE KNEW SHE WAS GONNA INVESTIGATE???? he sent her an email..... and he's saying how he wouldn't let her risk her life... nooo don't you weaponize the earlier drawing a line thing, that was about chasing a very vague alien lead to an agent's death, not about investigating ur sister...........
she bursts into skinner's office. and then apologizes for doing so.
(i love this so much. such a tiny detail that tells us a lot about her character. that Need to be good and do the right thing and please those whom she looks up to. ohhhhh)
he asks to speak to her off the record, and it seems at first promising... but he won't help her get in contact with mulder. EVEN after she says please!!!! she is gonna cry!!!!!
skinner's bitching about mulder's actions being a violation of his oath, and she's saying that he saved her life, and he comes back with a "if he wanted or expected you to do the same, he would have told you where he was going"
skinner being a jerk... at this point i began to revoke the point i earlier gave him...
he looks deeply troubled though, and i was like, ohhh, mulder must have promised him to not tell her where he was going... i see into your plans, mulder (<- this is not what happened)
back at mulder's place. scully's searching for clues. there's an x taped to the window again, which must be something he just does sometimes. and there's ominous music.
she falls asleep on his couch, and i swear i actually felt my heart melting at this moment. the way she was curled up. subconsciously trying to hold onto a piece of him. only finding rest where he did. i can't even wax poetic about this because i can't put the words into the right shape. but it is gonna destroy me.
someone is knocking... but who?
DEEP THROAT 2.0?!?!
he tries to act like he just went to the wrong room, but she isn't buying it, following him and demanding to know where he really is
SKINNER IS HERE? GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR????? SKINNER ATTACKING D.T. 2.0??? the girls are fighting!!!!!!!
he makes deep throat 2.0 tell him where mulder is, even when skinner is pinned up and deep throat 2.0 is the one holding the gun, and he said "i've killed men for less", but skinner says that if you kill him, he'll be killing 2 men....... this gag seems to have worked
SKINNER is AT THE DOOR to mulder's place where scully is staying. and he is bleeding from MANY wounds. tells scully where he is without elaborating on the blood pouring from all over. okay skinner. you're real for that. you get that point i was tossing around back. and a bonus one, in fact.
so mulder's out on the ice, and usually him wearing a big jacket would spark joy in my heart. and i won't lie, it does a little. but there is also a LOT of tension going on, so it's very brief. feels wrong to rejoice in the simple pleasures of man in big funny coat when he just had to lose his sister and then learn it wasn't even her.
but he sees some sort of tower and he's going in!!! and a dead guy is spotted.
pause. at this point i am sitting here thinking, man, these episodes are good, definitely among the best i've seen so far. who let these men cook? can we get them back in the kitchen with more regularity?
someone is leading him deeper and deeper into the maze of this... station? sub? and i fear he is being led into a trap. but he finds a very very scared man and having a big man point a gun at him doesn't help with the fear, i'm sure. but is it really a sniveling coward... or the hit man???
and JUST as he almost had me fooled and wondering if mulder was gonna really shoot an innocent guy, BAM! hit man reveal.
mulder keeps asking where his sister is, even while being pummeled by this alien with super strength. and he says "she's alive. can you die now?"
mulder shoots at the alien and he misses the back of his neck, so his toxic blood is filling up the space, and things are not looking good at all. and the alien takes him out and drops him on the ice!!!!!
he's going to break the ice and let him freeze or hit him with the sub as it goes down, both very bad endings........
CUTSCENE TO WHERE WE BEGAN!!!!
scully is bursting in, telling this doctor that he has a virus that can only be slowed by keeping him cold, and he isn't buying it, but just as he tries to get her kicked out of the room, his heart stops, so she intervenes.
and she's calling all the shots- get 100 grams of this and that and a drip of this- and this doctor has had his shift hijacked by a better doctor. he implies that mulder might not make it, and she refuses to hear this out.
and she's.... gently stroking his hair... while this is going down........
and sitting by his bed while he's getting better...
(so are the counts for who has been in a coma now tied? justice is served)
and now she's doing the case conclusion:
"several aspects of this case remain unexplained, suggesting the possibility of paranormal phenomena" <- OHHH??? is this what makes scully a believer? are we gonna see some character changes?
"but i am convinced that to accept such conclusions is to abandon all hope of understanding the scientific events behind them" okay!!! we are getting a deeper look into her philosophy here. yes yes yes give me more. and more i was given:
"many of the things i have seen have challenged my faith and my belief in an ordered universe, but this uncertainty has only strengthened my need to know, to understand, to apply reason, to those things which seem to defy it"
and i love it. i love it so much. seeing how she understands the world, why she knows that there has to be an order to it all, and if it seems there isn't, it's just because she hasn't figured it out yet... and science did allow him to get better... the need to fight a good fight in the way she knows how... yeah... that's lovely...
and she's CRYING at his bedside and holding his arm when he finally opens his eyes. her smile. her gentle "hey". it's so innocent, seeing that he is okay, that he made it through the worst part of getting better.
"thanks for ditching me" aughhhhghhhhh.......
he says he didn't find what he was looking for, but he did find the faith to keep looking. ohhhhh. ohhhhhhh...
the way his faith was gone at the start of season 2, but now it's back, there's something worth fighting for, his sister is out there, there is a world worth figuring out..........
man.
at this point my friend was sending me texts and i was like queen i need a minute. i need a minute. to put these things in order. and honestly i STILL do!
it was an absolutely amazing duo of episodes. i truly loved the writing, seeing them pushed to the brink with each other and with themselves. seeing skinner come into fruition. seeing what motivates them both and how they see the world and how it is entirely different but still driven by hope and faith and a need to learn the truth. and the tenderness of it all. of her sleeping on his couch in his absence, thinking maybe he'll be home soon. of running her fingers through his hair while he was being revived. the fury of being blamed for the loss of his sister, the fury with which she screamed at deep throat 2.0 to tell him where he went off to, the fury of mulder realizing he had been lied to and that his sister had never come back at all. but there still being hope despite it all. because there are things worth searching for. and they can do it together.
man. it was a very good episode but your girl is gonna go watch a silly video because it definitely hit me right in the Feelings!!
#sniffles#my friend was texting me about the debate during this and i was like queen i can't handle the collapse of this country#AND sad scully mulder time at once. we need to space it out a lil.#man. i love them so bad. i am NOT complaining i love angst. the angst lovers just also must recover at times#and they're not even gonna go to a fun time zoo in the next episode it'll be a SAD zoo!#with possessed animals!#maybe i need to shift the goalposts. where could they go now that zoos might be off the table...#mini golf. an arcade? the mall. museums. obviously museums. natural history museum. let her talk about the world. the bones#and look at the dinosaurs. yeah yeah i'm cooking here. they have all the smithsonians right there!!!#museum date. which they have done before!! but that was business related (end of the jersey devil ep)#let's have a purely “wow life is amazing isn't it” day at the museum#yes. this has been decreed by Law. it shall be what i think about now.#good times. good times.#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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okay so I keep general politics off this blog (other than eat the rich, obviously) but I am so tired of hearing this shit from family members on facebook and am heated at the moment so:
this blog stands with palestine 🇵🇸
#I got into an argument with two family members on facebook after I shared a boycott israel-supporting businesses#and I just responded with actual links to articles etc etc#but my aunt literally said im too young and privileged to understand and this post will follow me for the rest of my life#young? yes. privileged? yes#but I use that privilege to speak up for victims whose voices they aren’t listening to#and I fucking hope this post follows me. let it show I was against literal war crimes. fucking good#anyways im really angry right now. won’t delete later though#not leverage#jackie talks#about me#mine#i stand with palestine
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Just finished listening to the ancient rome sidequest again and I'm still feeling so emotional about Sasha. Like she never expected to live long but now she gets so much time and she's in a safe place with people she cares about. She doesn't have to violently die in a fight like she likely thought she would but instead she gets to have a new chance at a life. She actually gets to be happy.
#The end of her story makes me so happy#that as she walks away from rome at the end she gets to leave the pain and destruction of her old life behind#and just like the ruins of rome her past will still be there and real but she can live a good live despite it#it just means so much to me#that no matter how many hardships you had to endure you still have a chance at happiness#I'm not even sure how coherent I am right now I've been busy crying the last few minutes#sasha rackett#rqg#rqg spoilers#rusty quill gaming
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feeling like a 25yo modern woman going out on dates and taking care of my apartment 😌
#life's been good just busy#i realize random people are cool#and somehow i'm the interesting one in the people i date?#how did this happen??#residency has been very busy#i get up at 5am and get home at 8pm#so no fandom time for me#it's been really rewarding though!!!#i've always wanted to be an ADULT like this#like... stress lots of stress but also??? kinda like it#i like that i have my place and a daily job and can still have fun#and meet new people and be like 'wow we are so not alike' but still laugh#been enjoying some ttpd and true crime shows lately#just finished reading tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow SO GOOD#anyway these have been life updates#don't worry i still write and gif#i just have ZERO time right now <3333#love you all!!!!#sofia rambles#personal life
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On one hand, I feel horribly guilty for having a couple weekends where I've committed to absolutely nothing to the point of backing out of volunteering at a local dog show.
On the other hand, I have dog sport events literally every weekend and practice or class at least twice a week throughout the entirety of October and November. I think I get a free pass for a couple weekends.
#and this doesn't even count my work disc dog events#those start again next week#I have two disc dog events and two obedience trials and the three separate mondioring seminars#on top of work disc dog events and AKC Trick Dog classes at multiple levels I'll be hosting and an extracurricular play skills class#that will make my Sundays at 12 hour work day even if it's a very rewarding one with Limited Basic obedience work#I go through Vicious Cycles of doing as much as physically possible during busy season and then crashing during the dead seasons#but I need to support my hobby jobby job and my partners Hobby jobby job as much as I can to keep this sustainable#and 10 is in his Peak trialing time before he starts losing Mobility#and Valkyrie is in her Peak training time to build her up as a multi-sport dog#so here we go#and Mr tumnus gets to be a little bit of a living plush animal for a while since I can't afford to show a third animal right now#I honestly think he would do great showing and we would both have fun#but I can keep him in good condition and get out there again in a year or two when I can afford a second ferret and yet another sport#the life of Ron#maybe if a manic enough I won't notice that my birthday is coming up again#and I'll get enough done before I have to have surgery that I won't be going insane through recovery
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vent in tags sorry
cw: mention of loss
#adding a long note to the beginning so no one sees the actual vent in the case that they don’t want to which is absolutely okay#okay that’s probably good#i feel like a failure today.#my car wouldn’t start on friday and i haven’t had a moment to actually call a mechanic until today#called early in the morning and he said he’d call me back with a time#i’ve reached out multiple times since then and have heard NOTHING#if i don’t get it fixed today i’ll have to take my partners car instead#and when i asked them if that would possibly be okay#they started off on a rant about how they were planning to do all this shit tomorrow morning and now can’t if they don’t have their car#but genuinely. how tf was i supposed to know about their plans?? why did they have to say it all like this is completely my fault???#i’m sorry that i’m still in a not so good mental place right now and might forget to do things in a more timely manner#i’ve had two grandparents pass away in the span of a few WEEKS. give me a little grace.#i give them the same understanding every day when they’re having a rough time#so why can’t they offer me the same thing?#i know they’re just stressed and tired and busy but FUCK SO AM I#i’m just. over it. i want to go to sleep.#and by sleep i mean literal sleep i’m not insinuating anything darker i promise#i may be in a rough spot mentally but it is not that kind of rough <3 i’m safe#just. very tired. and in need of support.#i feel like i’m always giving and rarely getting support in this relationship.#and now i’m just feeling like a burden and an inconvenience for even needing the extra support in the first place#the urge to run away and start my life over is strong holy shit
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Starting a challenge tomorrow where I listen to one TMBG album a day chronologically until my epic journey starts
#let's have a little tmbgtober in preparation for THE DAY!!!!!!!#almost forgot about this because i had this idea months ago and now i have just the right number of days left to do this#could it be that i'm finally realizing the true wonder of this fact. the day i've been waiting for!!!!! so close!!!!#seriously what even is four weeks. and if i count it from the day we leave on our journey it's just about 3 weeks#i wonder how much of that whole trip i should document here. i've been planning to make it very thorough. like a daily thing#i've never done a proper 'travel log' like this (at least one that i share online you know) so why the heck not try it now. could be fun#but who knows what i feel like doing by then. might be to busy for that level of documentation#and i want to make the most of the time i get there#but yeagh i will definitely make a super detailed review of the show at least. this is def happening#i'm 100% sure i will have the greatest time of my life there no doubt about that#because i'm not even considering the possibility that it won't be good. the whole trip AND the show#also wow there's dates for the 2025 us tour already. always super exciting to see#you know what 2025 tour i'm thinking of now. i'm already annoying my whole family with this because it's finally CONFIRMED#so maybe i should make it clear now that when sparks drop the tour dates#you will all have the opportunity to see my appropriately enthusiastic reaction to that (biggest understatement of the century)#but that's a topic for another day#goosepost
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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friends i am begging you, if you want to get a dog and have never had one before, DO YOUR RESEARCH ON BREEDS.
i was working with a lady the other day who was telling me she wanted a puppy and had never had one before, so she went and adopted a 7 month old husky/border collie mix from the shelter after being denied at [pet store] for working too many hours. i'm pretty sure she got this dog because it has complete heterochromia and is a very tidy black and white, like a standard border collie.
please. do NOT do this. look into what dog breed will BEST fit your lifestyle. if you work long hours, do NOT get a working dog breed. maybe even don't get a dog. maybe get a less affectionate cat. i do not give a single FUCK if the dog is pretty. do both yourself and the dog a favor and get the dog that fits your life!!! do not get a working dog and stick it in an apartment or house and wonder why it's eating your furniture and destroying your house!!!
#i was just. i wanted to tell her 'this was a horrible decision.'#i was telling her that both of those dog breeds are breeds that need jobs. that were bred to work for HOURS. that they're so so smart.#she got it on friday and went back to work monday and worked 14 hours.#fwiw she wasn't supposed to work 14 hours but the nature of our job and all.#i didn't want to tell her to give the dog back but that's honestly what i was thinking#just. as someone who has grown up around dogs. and as someone who's family had dogs we had no business owning#dogs we had to grow into deserving of them. as someone who's watched people who love their dogs but definitely don't do right by them.#please. for the love of god.#do not get a dog just because it's pretty. make sure it fits what you're wanting in your life.#if you want a couch potato dog do NOT get a german shepherd or a malinois or a husky or aussie#do NOT get a working breed dog because they're cool#even couch potato pups need exercise#if you're not willing to put in the time and effort any dog takes do not get a dog#fun fact: apparently someone where i live decided it'd be a good idea to breed a malinois and a golden/poodle#so now a rescue has a litter of golden/poodle/malinois mixed pups. can you say neurotic basket case with too much intelligence and energy?
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I had a dream about me being in a collab cover with some guy from good omens and two other ppl xD we sang overmaster from idolmaster and I was pretty young (around the time I started covers sooo 11-12??)
Weird tho idk anything about good omens I've never watched the show nor do I plan to—at least the cover got popular bcz the guy from good omens was in it BAHAHEJA
#also in the dream it's completely unrelated but one of my friends online were super nice to me!#we have this server together (not in the dream like irl)#and in the dream I was apologizing for not talking in it as much and they were all like#“it's completely fine don't worry about it!! your covers are super amazing and I understand you're busy!! ^^”#IT WAS SOO SWEET I WANTED TO CRYYYY#oh yea also in the dream there was this video about the cover that came out abt good omens guy being hashtag EXPOSED for some stuff#so ahem#but I was cool tho <3 (probably because I was.yk a child)#kinda odd thing is right when I woke up one of my tumblr mutuals dmed me about a collab another one of my mutuals were doing#and I'm ngl I thought I was still in the dream for a minute but NOPE this is real life!#it's not a cover collab it's an art collab but I still thought it was funny and cool#ANYWAYZ no more beddy bye for me!! I'm staying awake!!!!#*goes honk shoo 10 secs later*#alr I'm probably gonna listen to overmaster on repeat now that song has been stuck in my head since I woke up..for obvious reasons xD
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Small update. Working on something for mermay. Hope to have it done soon. It might be late. Also melody and kyrie Kaiju au is probably gonna be put on pause this year too, but i might give you a sneak peek at it in june!
#awkwardtalks#general update#I'm alive#just been busy with life#game dev is not a fun career right now 😅#I'm still good though. it's been mostly good busy
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I’m finally listening to the Workin’ Boys soundtrack and it goes so hard, I’m genuinely sad that the actual film didn’t have time to use the full versions of most of these songs.
#Two weeks notice???? THAT FUCKED??#they did do the whole Workin Girls Medley but it’s still so good to just listen to.#seeing Mariah sing ‘business calls I’m up to my ass in shit’ was a life changing experience I was not prepared#also is that last riff intentionally similar to Defying Gravity? I think it’s a reference#and Business Calls!!! Bryce my beloved!!#it’s just all so good everyone listen to the album right now#workin boys#team starkid#hatchetfield
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