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almostwisegalaxy · 2 years ago

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The glory

Ha Do Young x reader

Part 3

Two weeks later

Dong-woon and I left enough clues for Ha Do-yeon's mind to question her child's paternity. Normally he should come today and collect the results. I don't think I'll be there when he comes. I work nights, my shift ends at 8am and I have 30 minutes to drop Chin off at school.

Ha Do Young's point of view

My hands are sweaty and I'm stressed. It's only 6:30 in the morning, but I'm going to the clinic to get the results of this damn test. Find out if Ye-sol is my blood, if my marriage is based on a complete lie. As soon as you arrive, I go to the reception and ask for documents.

“Yes, here are the results of the genetic test, Mr. Thank you for using our services.”

I sat down in the waiting room and decided to open the envelope. I try, but nothing works. My vision is blurry and my hands are shaking. "Excuse me, is there a doctor who can read the results now?" »

"Yes, of course. It's the third door on the right."

When I opened the door, I saw Mr. Yu concentrating on what appeared to be a patient's medical papers.

"I'm sorry to disturb you this early."

“Oh, I'm fine. "What should I do for you?"

"Can you read his results? I'm afraid of misinterpreting them."

"Yes, please sit down."

"These results demonstrate 0% genetic identity between the two individuals."

“………… Thanks, I think I should go..."

Pov pov

Yes but no

he fainted

“Mr Ha, can you hear me?

I have no response. I expected him to be shocked by the news, but not so shocked as to faint. . He should wake up soon, right?

later in the day

It is 10 p.m. when I return to resume work with one of my colleagues. When I left this morning, Mr. Ha couldn't wake up, so I left that to the nurse, and he was very pale, so I asked him to give me an IV. And when I came back to my office, it was still as inert as it was hours ago.

The clinic isn't very busy tonight, so I'm going to see a few patients first. Some get a prescription and leave immediately, while others are kept in a room overnight due to their condition. I will go back to Mr. Ha. I stopped noticing his upper body movements, so I lowered myself to bed level to check for lice. I put my hand on his neck and looked at the clock. Yes, he is breathing quite normally. And at that moment he decided to wake up, put his hands on his neck and looked into mine. From this point of view, it looked like two people about to kiss.

"You're finally awake. I'm starting to worry."

"Why am I here?"

"You came for tests and due to lack of food, I guess you passed out"

He let go of my hand and we both sat down

" What time is it ?"

"11:40 p.m."

He tried to pull the IV out of his hand but I stopped him by putting my hand on it.

"Don't do this, you don't have enough iron and you could fall at any movement"

"You don't understand. I have to fix something at home"

"I know you must be worried about your daughter, but I don't think confronting your wife about it right now is good for your health."

"Because in addition to being a doctor, you are a marriage counselor?" I don't think a single mother knows what to do in this situation!

"Forgive me, I-"

"Okay. Take that needle off if you want so much you hit your face on the next stairs you'll see later. Get out of here" I said as I left the room.

"Miss Yu wait" but there was no time. I slammed the door in his face.

Dong Eun I hope you manage on your side because what I have is rat bowl

I slipped away 2 hours later and found him STILL there, lying staring at the ceiling. Let him do what he wants. I sat in the chair behind the desk, with my back to him, to study the somewhat complicated case of an undiagnosed woman.

Ha Do Young pov

"Miss Yu, I sincerely apologize to you. I should never have talked to you like that, especially since you were trying to help me"

" Hmm"

"And I also apologize for yelling at you. It was anger but I know it shouldn't have been directed at you"

" Hmm "

"You still won't talk to me?"

" Hmm"

"Can I at least ask you a question?"

" Hmm "

"How did you know I took a paternity test?"

"I was wondering what was the cause of your sudden unhealthiness and I got the information from the lab technician"

I say nothing more to collect my ideass. I don't know if I'm angry or sad right now. Well I blame yeon jin for lying to me but I don't know. From the beginning I suspected an extra marital relationship but I didn't dwell on it more than that. After all she fit the but gender standard and my mother had happily given her approval to the wedding announcement so I thought it was already good enough to live out the rest of my life. But I was seriously mistaken.

"What...what would you do if it was you in this situation?"

"I will do everything to keep my child. If eventually I still love him so much"

" But how to do it ?"

"It's simple. I turn his brain over to him in order to acquire proof of any mental instability of my spouse and the other in case he wants to recover the child following the divorce. But after that it's not that the opinion of a mother who raises her child alone does not take it into account "

"Sorry again for-"

" Excuse rejected. What do you think? Raising a child alone is easy? I have no one to trust my son to when I'm not around. I'm carrying my child just to have enough money to give him what he deserves. So I don't allow anyone to judge me. Is that clear?" She is now facing me speaking. I decide to get up to talk to him

"I can't say otherwise. I see how hard you are working for both of you and my words were very inappropriate. I don't know if you could forgive me"

"I think you'd better leave if you feel up to it"

" All right." I gather my things and get ready to leave. " Bye"

After leaving the hospital at dawn, I just went home to change. Ye-sol and her mother are still sleeping. It's better this way, I don't know how it's going to end if we talk. I am working at the moment. I just finished one and I'm so tired. I have too many thoughts swirling around in my head. But I don't want to think about anything. I just want to have my daughter with me, even if she's not really mine.

And this conversation with Ms. Yu ohhh. I hate this tension that has set in. I can understand his reaction to my comment. Basically, I always avoid unnecessary arguments, especially with those around me, so this situation makes me sad.

I decide to pick up Ye-sol from her school to spend some time with her and see if I still love her as much as before. The road from the company to the elementary school passed by the path of Ms. Yu's son Chin, I looked around not expecting to see anything special except for the little one sitting under the tree in front of the school. But what can he be doing at this hour outside. I got out of the car to go see him but noticed a few other kids around him.

"See, I told you. No one will come looking for him because he doesn't have a father."

“Bouu has a little chin without a father bouuu” “yes a bastard”

"Fuck bastards!" They screamed in their hearts but upon noticing me they ran away.

Chin was lying on the ground, his back to me. Looks like they pushed him. He tries not to cry, it shows. I leaned over to him and started a discussion with him.

“Did you hurt my little one?

"No...... Just a little crack on the knee"

"Okay, and can you tell me what you do outside of school?"

"The teacher has to go there urgently. The director called all the parents to come and take us home but mum didn't answer"

"but why aren't you in the yard, safe."

"It's them...... They like to bother me and hurt me. And I don't want to wait with them"

" OK. Uhh how about I take you to see your mom?

"You would do that?"

"Of course. I just need to take my daughter and go. Do you trust me?"

"No, But I Want to See Mom"

"so let's go see her"

I took her hand, bandaged her knee and we were on our way. Once at the hospital, I drove two toddlers across the street. Upon arriving, he knocked on the door and we heard a voice

"Yes who is it?"

"Hello, it's me momma" he says running to throw himself on the mother who has just caught up with him

"Yes and us too" ye-sol greeted her from inside the room

“Hey kids, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class? "

"Madam must have come home early"

"My father came to get me"

"And he scratched his knee" I said

"Pardon ?"

Then she examined his wound, disinfected it and put a bandage on it. Meanwhile, ye-sol fetches snacks from the vending machine further away.

"How did you do that? Honey"

"Other kids push me"

"And why are they doing this?"

"He just likes to annoy me. It's nothing serious, momma."

"No, from what I could see, it's not just adispute. This is harassment", I said

"And maybe you know why he harassed you?" He immediately bowed to his mother's words, as if he had been mistaken.

"Chin answers mom" she told him, she gently grabbed his shoulder "my chick?"

"........They say I'm a bastard......That I don't have a father and that's why I'm going to end my life in school. I'm sorry mom, I know this is wrong. Anyway, I only need you” and he hugs her.

"You don't have to apologize for that. It's not your fault"

Then Ye-sol came back and offered to take the kids to lunch and bring her son back around the afternoon. She agreed and we left her alone. She really needs it.

___________________________________

hey hi. I don't have many ideas to continue the story, so I prefer to wait for season 2 which comes out soon to get an idea. I hope you like the story. and if you have any ideas. Help me

A perfect family 🫣

Part2:

#ha do young #ha do young x reader #moon dong eun #park yeon jin #the glory #the glory kdrama #the glory x reader #ju yeo-jeong

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nowtoboldlygo · 10 months ago

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korean comprehensible input update 1/30

this update has been months in the making!!!!! i am so excited to be here!!!!!!!!!!!

after pausing on grammar study, i never went back. planning to do a purist 100% immersion, 0% translation or english explanation, forever and ever.

i have officially consumed one hundred hours of korean language comprehensible input! i'm following pablo roman's og immersion method, and fall well within the model:

You understand some common words, even if you are not 100% sure how to pronounce them. You can now guess the meaning of some 2-word sentences, like "go home", or "eat cake". There are only a few words that you could produce yourself. For many words, you’re still not sure what sounds they’re made of.

for the first hundred hours, i watched the easiest stuff i could find. mostly that meant someone pointing and saying this is a woman, this is a man, she eats this, he likes this &c. my resource list got to around 80 hours, so basically i rewatched my favorites and slowly went for harder content.

from my notes over the last few months: i did feel like i hit the above capability around 30 hours, where i was able to recognize some nouns, some verbs, some past tense. around 50 hours i felt like i covered everything in videos that i learned on lingodeer or with other traditional resources (see update zero).

this will be my hardest hundred hours, as with CI ease of comprehension exponentially increases with additional input. it often sucked really terribly - the content isn't complex enough to be interesting, and it was difficult to pay attention for any long stretch of time. i watched about 5-15 minutes at a time even on days where i logged a sum of hours.

general check-in notes:

immersion: still not watching any adult-level tv shows or movies at the moment! i did read a couple of translations: very delightful scifi novel, and a psychological thriller. both are very short!

plans for the future: mostly focused on getting to peppa pig ASAP! it's supposed to be high beginner low intermediate (re reddit threads) so we'll see 🐷🤞🤞

timeline notes: i kept condensing my etc of 3000 hours from 2031 (eight years) to 2026 (only thirty more months!!). expecting to require adjustment, but it's been very easy to hit my hours so far even with my increasing spanish goals.

next update eta is this spring!

#korean update for future reference #comprehensible input #korean notes #nowtoboldlygo posts

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rigelmejo · 3 years ago

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Some September 1st Updates

the READING SPEED difference of a novel at my level! I read the first chapter of 撒野 yesterday and this author is at exactly my reading level right now. I hit 0-2 new words each pleco page, which is usually the sweet spot to either guess the word or if I look it up I can pretty quickly adapt to recognizing it in context. Its also the sweet spot where if I only rely on guessing for new word meanings, on a second pass through I can fairly well guess the meaning quickly.

It was a 32 page chapter in pleco and I read it in 20 minutes. Compared to the 20 pleco page per chapter pingxie fic i just finished (like 124k characters! WOW I read and FINISHED that much!), which was taking 30-40 minutes per chapter (mainly because of number of new vocabulary per chapter being a bit higher). If I’d wanted to speed read saye I could have, I’d have missed some small details but I could have tried if I wanted.

Then I did a second pass later in the day with the audiobook just following along with the text. Realized 1. I knew most words in the audiobook and did not follow as well as i thought - but those first listen throughs without having seen the chapter I did manage to figure out the main character just broke up, just travelled somewhere, ran into a girl and somehow the girls brother showed and the two guys interacted a little and someone was being somewhat helpful, then the main guy met his father trying to ‘pick him up.’ Which is a true but very rough summary of what happens in the first chapter. By reading I could confirm the words I thought were names AS names, figured out WHY the girl was interacting with the main guy and that there were actually two girls in chapter 1, and figure out who helped who and who was the girl’s brother. Also somehow before I looked at the chapter text I never caught that the audiobook mentions a motorcycle despite me knowing that word and it SOUNDING like mota-che/motorche! it sounds like the word and i knew it and didn’t hear it! Then later following the audiobook with the text I realized another issue I had, is I’m not used to listening to soft voices with such faint pronunciations of the final sounds. I’m much more used to deeper crisper pronunciations and being able to rely clearly on initials and finals AS much as tones to recognize the words, whereas this particular audiobook i needed to mainly rely on tones and initials to figure out what word was what - that probably threw me off a bit. It’s probably good for me to get practice listening to such a different voice to what I’m used to. I have definitely learned the deeper the voice, the more I have a far easier time figuring out what’s being said. Also standard accent more like beijing but without a huge amount of ‘er’s just some, and taiwan accent are the easiest for me to hear when i’m not pa

For anyone curious, here is the audiobook for SaYe I’m listening to: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2w27tfjeeaySbMK272NpXwUtsBc-e3YN

Also here’s a chinese audiobook youtube I found: https://www.youtube.com/c/%E6%9C%89%E5%A3%B0%E5%B0%8F%E8%AF%B4%E5%90%AC%E4%B9%A6%E4%B8%96%E7%95%8Cyoushengxiaoshuo/playlists

Which includes The King’s Avatar: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTJaWZoVPdT1ZhIQIKxVci7fVEHr-oX6k

And ErHa: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsxEOGKlBMaFa6CS6Hf5ndy6qTtUL0Au_

Anyway, its a great book right now for reading practice. It’s very much around my level. I will probably stick with this author for a little while and solidify what I know/my base reading level.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I am apparently living proof listening-reading, heavy emphasis on re-listening a TON in the background as you work or type or walk/drive whatever, works for learning new words.

I re-listened to guardian chapter 1 audiobook at least 20-30 times by now, just a tremendous amount. Chapters 1-10 I’ve listened to at least 5 times by now random chapters at random days, and some probably also 20 times.

I have listened to these chapters enough, that I can officially follow so much that I know nearly every freaking word I hear, I know it immediately on hearing in at least 3 different audiobooks, and the few ‘less familiar’ words I recognize a second after hearing (like hearing ‘audacious’ or ‘glum’ in english it just takes me a second to re-remember), and the very few still forgotten words/specific details I learn From those words I can actually pick up from the context of listening.

I hear ‘powei’ and somehow forgot it AGAIN? Oh it means ‘rather’ in this context. ‘anli’ well i always hear ‘anlishuo’ as in ‘people say/generally speaking’ so ‘anli’ in this context must mean ‘generally/generally speaking.’ chuanghu? can’t remember it because i was just typing this JUST now and only hearing a few words from the audiobook in the background - well in context its obviously window, but out of context my brain said window and i just couldn’t remember if it was window or curtain but felt curtain had something more complex than ‘hu’ as the second half - just looked it up and my guess was right, even with no context which i’d have had if i’d been listening better and it had been clear it’s window, it still made me think ‘window’ immediately just hearing the sound. ‘xiang yi ge ren’ sounds like ‘looks like a person’ which is the next phrase i just randomly heard. ‘hua le yao ming’ shouted for their life/in awful terror? or that would be ‘huo’, so maybe ‘streaking toward him to take his life’? would make sense in context of a horror scene - i just looked it up and 划了要命 would be the second one. even IF i heard the wrong line, both of those are pretty close to a good guess in context and hua is the only unknown because without context i can’t place if it was hua or huo. i still confuse the words wu and wo for hold etc, but in context i can tell which one it is (wo is hold a hand, hold a face, etc).

I’m genuinely at a point where I can just completely follow the plot through at least the first 20 chapters from listening. And for most scenes, follow every detail too including stuff like guo changcheng spending half a year not working at home after he graduated, being so afraid of the phone, da qing being fawning to shen wei when they meet and rubbing against his leg, the specific conversation details when da qing runs across zhao yunlan’s car in chapter 2, what zhao yunlan’s room exactly looks like, etc. Its super cool to be able to follow the audiobook so well I can follow the story and details even when I don’t have time to read! It’s so fun! And it was not very hard!

It took 40 minutes of upfront study where you set time aside to focus: 20 minutes to have a program read the chapter aloud while you either see unknown word definitions pop up (like in Pleco) or look them up with some click dictionary as you listen. 20 minutes to go through and listen to the audiobook as you follow along with the text. Then after that, just play the audiobook chapters you’ve done this with whenever you want, either paying attention like when going to bed soon or walking, or in the background like when cleaning or doing busy work or driving. Since background listening can be done easily whenever all you have to do is remember to click play when you want something to listen to.

I’m honestly blown away by how much 3 months of studying mainly like this (which is quite fun and only requires me to carve out a small amount of actual study focused time) has improved my listening skills. I can now also listen to the 2ha audiobook okay and follow along (provided its a chapter I’ve read before so I have at least some prior context to help me out) - at least so far as that’s what I’m listening to right now. Basically, I can tell Guardian has both upped my vocabulary significantly and also improved my automatic recognition of many words I half-knew and learned since.

I recently found a new Guardian audiobook read by a deep voice and its lovely (and utilizes music and echo for effects, its lovely to listen to) I hope the poster keeps updating: https://fm.qq.com/show/rd002ED4aN0mYz2L__

I’ve been listening to it lately.

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Also! Directions for using Pleco Android for screen reader:

1. To get any page bookmarked online:

Open a page in your mobile web browser you want to read. Click the menu, click share, click Pleco Reader (or ‘more’ or ‘...’ then Pleco Reader).

Go to Clipboard Reader. Now when you click text, dictate text megaphone will be an option.

*Since Clipboard Reader is free, you can do this to read in Pleco and have things spoken aloud with no money spent. (Though I find the Reader tool worth the money and add ons).

2. To have any text ‘dictated aloud’:

Go to Pleco’s menu, Settings, Audio, click ‘use TTS if no recording,’ then for Sentence Audio section area System TTS Setting click Speech Services by Google (you can also experiment by clicking other options I am just stating what worked for me, it didn’t work at first I had to make that my default TTS in my Accessibility-Talkback Settings menu on my main phone first and restart my phone before all this).

Then click the area right below to mess with speed and sound of the TTS voice.

(Note, to test if TTS is working you can go to any dictionary entry sentence, click the speaker next to the sentence and see if it plays audio. If it does not, you will get an error message and directions on what to change in your phone settings. That is what initially happened to me: I had to go to phone Settings, Accessibility, Talkback, TTS Engine, TTS Engine voice and settings. Pleco recommended I choose Speech Services by Google, and uninstall then reinstall the Chinese voice. Then restart the phone. That worked for me. An additional note: I have Talkback setting on ‘on’ and just have it in my toolbar to use if desired but am not actively using it. If you turn Talkback setting ‘off’ in the actual Settings area of Accessibility, I am not sure if it will affect Pleco’s ability to dictate).

3. How to put it together:

Now go to Clipboard Reader and read the page from the internet you wanted or text you pasted, or go to Document Reader and open the document you wish to read.

Click a word as a place to start. Now you should see both the loudspeaker (for pronouncing the single word) and the Megaphone next to it to start dictating all text. (If your phone is weird like me, you may need to press the megaphone a couple times before the audio works).

If you wish to change dictation reading speed, simply hold down the megaphone and select the speed desired.

Now that I’ve figured this out I really want to take pictures of my print book, make a pdf, and listen to all the changes.

(Now I just have to fix my weird dictionary in Idiom app and I’m all set on the new phone!)

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All I’ve been doing the past august study wise is just reading pingxie fic and finishing, and listening to audiobooks. It’s been a busy time for me ToT

I do think it proved you can be lazy and still make some improvements though:

1. Reading in Pleco (or click-dictionary tool of your choice): pick something and read a chapter a day (that’s what I did, obviously the easier this is the less time you’ll need, but aim for around 30 minutes a day and reading material closer to your level if you don’t want to read too long)

2. Listening-Reading Method something above your reading level that you enjoy. Should take 40 minutes a couple times a week to several times a week to hours a week, depending on how intense you want to get with it and how much you’re going to alternate/include the reading portion. I did like 1-2 chapters a week so I was only spending 40 minutes to 1.5 hours a week doing this, or 3 hours one week no time another week. This is definitely something where you can do 6-12 hours one month then coast on it for another month just repeating older material’s audio/re-reading sections (which is what I did with guardian, doing 22 chapters then switching to just listening to audio a lot).

Once you’ve done a little L-R steps 2 and 3 (in either order, whatever works for you - and doing step 1 if you want more context prior to steps 2 and 3), then just make time during your days to play the audiobook chapters you’ve studied. You don’t need to be focusing every single time (although focusing on actually trying to follow the audio the first time you listen without text to aid you will probably speed up your comprehension a lot by giving you a lot of basic-context to help you comprehend more later). Aim to listen whenever you’ve got down time! Or time where you’d play music or some background youtube video or podcast - walks, exercise, drives, when cleaning, when browsing the web goofing off, when working if you have times when you’d listen to music with lyrics or a podcast in the background without issues, times when you don’t need to focus 100% on listening just putting it on to hear in the background).

That’s all I’ve done for study since May. It takes me about 30 minutes 5 days a week, plus 1-2 hours listening-reading actively a week. So 2.5 hours plus 2 = 4 hours of active study a week. Sometimes more like 8-10 if I got really into reading something or Listening-reading to several chapters. Then after that (very easy to fit into my life 4-10 hours per week of study) I just play the audiobook whenever I have downtime at work (that’s usually 0.5-4 hours where I just let it play because I forget its on while working on spreadsheets, updates, emails, etc, or play the audiobook while messing around on the internet in my free time at home, sometimes I put on music instead), while walking so 15-30 minutes maybe 3 days a week, while driving far so maybe 20 minutes - 2 hours per week. maybe lets say 2 hours*4 days a week (I don’t remember to listen every day) so 8 hours random listening+1.5 hours walking+1 hour driving per week. That’s 11.5 hours listening in the background or paying attention plus lets say 4 hours of active study a week. So 15.5 ‘study’ hours for chinese per week - an average overall of ~2.21 hours of chinese ‘study’ per day. This isn’t counting when I get into weibo and goof off, get into some chinese show with no english subs and just start watching it (I watched 16 episodes of Humans cdrama in August which is ~10.66 hours for a total of at least (15.5*4 weeks = 62 hours + 10.66 hours -> ~72.66 hours spent ‘with chinese’ in August at minimum. 4 weeks*7 days = 28, so over around 28 days or most of august I did 72.66 total hours/28 days -> or ~2.595 hours of chinese per day as an average. So... my guess that I spend at least 1-2 hours on chinese per day as the average was a decent guess. Looks like I’m usually 2 hours to 2.5 hours daily as an overall average. It’s not that hard to get in that much without a ton of time in the day once you get some listening skills built up ToT Deciding to build up my listening skills has been one of the funnest goals in chinese so far.

Notes on Listening Reading Actively - it also doubles as increasing your exposure to listening to your target language, and the more hours the better even if its passive in the background, just more hours adding up toward your mind getting a better ability to parse the sounds of the language is going to help your overall listening comprehension in general. So even if you don’t pay attention much and can’t follow the whole plot and only catch certain scenes, you will be improving at least comprehension of: hearing words you know, hearing colocations and common phrases and recognizing more automatically which will help with speaking/writing indirectly and reading recognition of those things, overall ability to hear things correctly in different combinations and getting used to the common combinations.

You will be surprised how much more you can pick up of plot and details the 3rd listen compared to the first, the 5th listen, the 10th listen. It’s wild. Like... I’m listening to the 2ha audiobook and even having never read it in chinese, just knowing basic context, the 2nd read through I caught so much more of the plot throughout just because I had forewarning of when scenes change a lot, what audio plays during some parts I recognized in previous listens, and so I have more focus for figuring out the new details I missed. Whereas the first listen, I didn’t always know WHAT the scene context was until I heard a familiar line or description I remembered from the english version of the scene, but on a second listen I now have a better guess at the scene the lines are probably taking place in before and after those lines I recognized in the first listen. And this continues etc each time you re-listen to something. (So yes, that initial context of knowing what you’re listening to with a previous read of its translation or target language transcript will definitely speed up comprehension pick up - but if you just wanna test what your basic listening comprehension to new content is then it works fine just going into new audio with no prior context its just more difficult at first lol until you build an idea of the context from listening).

The original Listening-Reading Method person did like 40+ hours a week, 8 hours most days, no wonder they made fast progress! They often included reading in some form (hence the name) and later translation, so they also were constantly working on listening AND some reading skills AND eventually often some speaking/writing skills. Doing it my way results in mostly listening comprehension of stuff you could already read to a degree, more automaticity in recognition, and for picking up new vocabulary both in listening and reading. I do extra reading on the side with other stuff to get more reading practice in an isolated way (since I’m trying to push my reading speed up above speaking speed). I always try to do it the way the creator originally intended, but I am not able to focus on things for more than 20 minutes at a time, 40 to a couple hours if I take a break every 20 minutes. So doing it 8 hours just doesn’t work out.

---

I’m fairly happy!

I am on plan for my main goals that started this style study plan:

1. Improving my reading level to get to start being able to extensively read actual danmei novels - we got there! I am at a reading level appropriate for SaYe at 98% comprehension when I checked, and at a bit above 95% comprehension for Guardian! I’m now continuing with that goal while adding on increasing reading Speed in general.

2. Improving listening skills so I have better automatic recognition of partly-known words from reading (working super well so far - I can tell because ability to watch cdramas in only chinese has improved noticeably and gotten much easier), and so I can start following the main plot and key details of audiobooks of things I’ve read before (working great for guardian, starting to work with other audiobooks provided I listen to the chapters a few times or several times if its brand new material I have no context for, however reading level matters and while things I have prior familiarity with are going very well - brand new materials are still quite challenging in that they require multiple listens for the full plot and several listens before I start picking up most non-plot-critical details).

#rant #september #september progress #august #august progress #listening reading method #pleco #rec list #audiobook #guardian #take all my study advice with heaps of salt #do what feels right for YOU #this is just the study plan that's been working for me recently #for my main goals: increasing base reading level and improve listening comprehension

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superworldunkown · 4 years ago

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Smooth Operator

AN: Back, Back, Back again. I wrote this in like 30 minutes because I had this random fixation that Bakugou most likely has super soft smooth skin from his quirk but he’s also a super softy despite being a cranky lil bean. And then I was like, ‘Lemme make a Melanin Queen OC who doesn’t take his shit one bit and teases him.’ And here we are, my friends.

Summary: Bakugou, a hard ass with smooth skin, and an equally smooth S/O Bakugou X Black! reader (Bakugou and a melanin queen is what we need in 2021 ya’ll).

Bakugou sat in the debriefing plaza outside of Ground Beta, his red eyes watching each student exit the area with looks of victory or defeat on their faces. He had a habit of visiting this place during the entry exams. Twice a year, UA offered general studies students a change to earn their way into the hero course. Rarely, very rarely did anyone make it past the exams, but Bakugou somewhat enjoyed the fanfare around it. First it was to tip his nose at all the losers and extras who dared to think they could compete with him. Now it was to await the results of a pesky little shit of a student who, despite being now 0 and 5, still thought they were better than him.

“Ugh! Vlad your class is getting sloppy. If this is what the graduating class of 3B is going to give to the hero world. I might as well ask the villain's for mercy now.”

The hero scoffed, “You tried hard, Y/N, but your scores didn’t make the cut. Better luck next time.”

“Yeah Yeah! Like your class could handle someone like me, Hah!”

Your eyes scanned the plaza, spotting your favorite gremlin hero in the making. Despite how much your body ached, you pulled yourself together to give your best hero-esque walk towards his direction, “Aww did my favorite fan come to see me today?”

Bakugou let out a huff before scooching over on the bench to let you sit. On the outside he hated you. You had this chaotic energy and an ego that should have never existed in a quirkless body like yours. But, then again, that’s what made him stick around the past two years.

You had no business being a hero, but every time the damn school had their try outs for the hero course, you were always first in line. You always talked shit to anyone who looked at you sideways for being quirkless, and more often than not you could beat them both verbally and physically. Even the first time you met him you didn’t back down, and that was when he was much, much less restricted.

“Outta my way extra! Unless you wanna get blasted into next semester!” He said you on your first meeting in the cafeteria,

“It’s always the pretty rich kids with big quirks who have the most boring threats. If you’re going to make me shake in my uniform stop relying on that big mouth of yours. Don’t they teach you how to be intimidating in the hero course?”

It was the flirting mixed with insults that he hated most about you. But also it drew him in every time.

Not to mention, the way your brown skin glowed even on the grayest of days...Needless to say it was an absolute pleasure and nightmare to be associated with you. You were just Bakugou’s type.

“I take it you failed, again. You gonna give up yet?”

“Of course not. Like I said, I think UA would lose their minds if they let quirkless kid into their hero course...they just ain’t ready yet for my level of skills.”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You’re wasting your time. Quit now before you actually hurt yourself.”

“And you’re wasting my time with that negative energy, Katsuki. Not all of us have the privilege of a flashy quirk and soft ass skin.”

The blond glared, “I ain’t soft! I worked damn hard and that’s why I’m going to be the number 1 hero you idiot so don’t forget it!”

Your sound of disbelief was extra sassy with the swelling of your jaw, “Okay please. You are so soft. You lose one match or, gasp! Someone looks at you wrong and your ego looses it’s shit.”

Bakugou’s eyes instantly began to retract to tiny red orbs. Turning in your direction, he gave you one of his best, ‘Say another word and DIE’ faces. But you could see right through it. And you were pretty sure Bakugou knew that too.

“I said it. Look at you.” The tips of your fingers glided up his biceps, rolling with each groove of his muscles, “Strong, mean, and a hardass on the outside,” You made your way over his shoulders, careful around his neck as you knew it was sensitive and settling right on his cheek, “But on the inside, you're soft as pudding, pudding.” Adding emphasis to your statement you gave his cheek a pinch and quickly retracted your fingers before the blond could bite them off.

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about, dumbass!”

“I know exactly what I’m talking about softy.” You countered while resting your elbows on your knees, “I had tough skin and hard lessons the day I was born. Ain’t nobody want to see a quirkless kid thinkin’ they could be a hero, let alone actually have a shot at making it.” Your lips, despite the bruises, twisted into a smile, “But I don't care. They can kick my ass all they want but at the end of the day they’re gonna know my name. Whether they cheerin’ or screamin’ it. They’ll never be able to forget me....and on the brightside its fun to put you wanna-be heroes in your place every now and again.”

There it was. That piece of you that, despite how brute, loud, and obnoxiously cocky you were, he couldn’t get enough of. Even with a face full of bruises and defeat, you still had that fire in you, like you were somehow the secret winner of it all. And you did it all without a quirk. It was just you and your fire.

“You keep lookin’ at me like that you’re going to make me do something I’ll regret.” You warned, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“And what’s that?” He asked, leaning in just a tad.

You smirked, your eyes narrowing as you closed the gap between you two, your noses practically touching. In a swift move your lips dove into his cheek taking a playful bite at the baby fat that still lingered.

“Ooo those cheekies are so soft I couldn’t help myself!”

#bakugou katsuki #mha #bakugo #my hero academia #bakugou x black reader

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taekooktimeline · 5 years ago

Text

May 5, 2020

Taekook go on vlive together!! Almost as soon as the vlive starts, Tae jokingly says - while looking at Jk - “we can’t be friends”. Jk laughs and they continue the introduction. This sudden comment was made out of context - a “funny” way to complete Jk’s sentence, but with no apparent explanation for the chosen words - therefore we view it as an inside joke between the two that even caught Jk by surprise, letting out a small “huh?” before laughing right away. There’s a possibility Tae was alluding to the fact that they had to play along the lie of “being awkward as a result of drifting apart” and they both found it quite hilarious, probably due to the absurdity. They try to seem distant throughout the vlive (which they succeeded on judging by the general fandom thinking they looked awkward) but there is underlying humor coupled with some comical acting & slip-ups.

(Timestamp 0:37)

We can view the previous scene as Tae interacting with Jk’s sentence but it’s still made out of the blue. Jk said “we are kids today” because he got stuck on his words. He was supposed to say what Tae said after his joke: “우리 오늘 어린이날” = Today is children’s day.

This is what Jk said instead:

And Tae added “친구 안될” = “Can’t be friends” or what you see below if we take it as a single sentence (Tae ending Jk’s):

While it seems like the meaning of the combined sentence is directed towards “children”, it’s interesting that Tae’s first thought was “to not be friends” and took the opportunity to speak up as if it was swirling around in his mind. Remember they weren’t talking about anything at that moment, there is nothing within the rest of the video that could explain the joke and he adores children. If the narrative about them being precious friends that lost their deep bond & were now starting to feel awkward was true then Tae wouldn’t be joking about such a topic, or so we think, especially 3 weeks prior to the filming of the televised “reconnecting talk” that aired in September within Ep 6 of “In The Soop”). As said earlier, it seems like they find it humorous. Moving on.

They briefly hold hands. Tae offers his hand out of nowhere and Jk holds it with passion/force - as if he needed it - accidentally making them both hit the table.

(Timestamp 1:25)

Jk frowns as he tries not to laugh while asking Tae what he has been up to lately - because he already knows.

They end up cracking up anyways before Tae could even answer.

(Timestamp 1:33)

Tae says he once mentioned he was taking online courses.

Jk lets out a little chuckle and asks how it’s going.

Tae reveals he only studied for 4 days because that was the length of a course.

Jk knows what he’s doing when he asks if there weren’t any more courses to complete. Tae confirms there were many but it was difficult. Jk laughs some more, seeming like this was the reason he let out that first little chuckle - because he knew how it ended.

After the slight teasing he empathizes with Tae and normalizes it by stating that studying is not easy at all.

(Timestamp 2:35)

Less than 4 minutes after the vlive starts, Jk loudly yells “Taekook!” After reading it in the comment section. Jk says “Taekook” a total of 4 times in this specific moment, while Tae says it once for now. They say the name without discomfort. Despite the concept of the vlive Jk didn’t hide his excitement upon reading taekooker’s chants - reacting fast and sincerely to them.

(Timestamp 3:55)

Tae cutely asks Jk if he looks like a chicken. Jk agrees.

Jk smiles about it a couple seconds later and proceeds to quitely copy Tae’s words: “a chicken”. He must find him endearing.

(Timestamp 9:05)

Jk explains he had a dream in which he fought with Jin over his pants. Tae recalls & plays out a similar scene from the movie “Time to Hunt”.

Jk chuckles quite soundly.

He then reacts by copying a line from the drama “Itaewon Class” which Tae wrote & sang an OST for. He uses the right voice to say: “it’s fun”.

Tae laughs with a big smile.

(Timestamp 10:43)

In the second instance of saying “Taekook”, Tae is the one to initiate this time. He says it twice and Jk says it once this time. Again, they say it casually without appearing bothered by the name.

(Timestamp 12:15)

Tae is savage and plays a song that talks about wanting a vacation. He dances & says it’s a message for their boss. Jk smiles. As you can see Tae likes shady comments which falls in line with the initial “we can’t be friends” joke.

(Timestamp 18:25)

Tae starts telling the story of how he wrote a song for his Dad as a Parents’ Day gift.

Although Tae made it clear that he had already given the song to his dad, Jk makes a point to overly ask about it.

Tae is confused and asks Jk if he didn’t already know. It seems like Tae told him before.

Jk presses his lips

then frowns & gives Tae a pointed look without muttering a word.

Jk is also keeps pressing his lips in an irritated manner. He can’t say what he wants to say. Tae understands and tries to backtrack by saying he told someone else - not Jk. Tae momentarily forgot he was supposed to act like they weren’t close.

You can see & hear how Tae sulks.

Jk keeps that irritated face for a little longer. It’s probably due to the frustration of having to act rather than the slip-up.

He presses his lips once more before moving on.

(Timestamp 25:12)

Tae and Jk talk about the series “Itaewon Class” briefly (remember, Tae wrote the OST “Sweet Night” for this series).

Jk repeats the prior line “it’s fun”

Tae feels comfortable enough around Jk that he briefly acts out a skit, deepening his voice as he quotes the show.

(Timestamp 26:43-27:30)

Tae forgets one of his BT21 character’s names and asks Jk who remembers right away.

(Timestamp 29:18)

Tae is bothered by his long bangs and Jk is hypnotized as he looks at him.

Jk breaks out of it after blinking in excess as he softly suggests he should trim them.

(Timestamp 31:36)

Jk is once again hypnotized.

His gaze follows Tae as the latter talks with staff and moves through the room.

He forces himself to look away quite ungracefully as if he catched himself with his guard down.

(Timestamp 32:21)

There’s a funny moment where Tae pretends to get mad at Jk for using the glue gun arguing army might get hurt.

(Timestamp 32:52)

Continuation of the above ordeal.

(Timestamp 37:14)

A request in the comments asks Jk to sing Lauv’s “Never Not.”

Tae asks Jk if he has sung it before.

Then does an unnatural “ohooo” as a reaction.

Tae - still being a jokester - asks Jk to sing the Parents’ Day version as if he sang to his dad. Since it’s a romantic song Jk looks at him weirdly and they laugh together.

Tae uses a soft and honeyed tone to request.(Timestamp 40:24; 41:27 for his soft voice).

Tae says he can’t believe Jk covered this song that he loves so much (acting surprised?).

(Timestamp 41:44)

Jungkook says he received the “Never Not” instrumental some time ago but couldn’t cover it until now for “some reasons”. Not sure about the relevancy of this but it sounds strange.

(Timestamp 41:55)

Tae plays the song and Taekook get playful in dancing and singing.

(Timestamp of when Tae begins playing the song is at about 42:55; all above moments from part 1 - http://www.vlive.tv/video/189674)

The vlive disconnects so they start a second video. Part two of the vlive picks up where the first left off, with Taekook covering “Never Not” for a second time shortly after the start of the video. It appears staff may have told Taekook to sing again based on where their eyes are when they ask why they’re playing the song again. They’re told it’s due to the disconnection of the first vlive.

They play the song while singing and dancing together.

(Timestamp 1:37-3:14)

Tae abruptly stops the vlive by saying “hey hey, whoa whoa, calm down”. Jk doesn’t seem at all surprised by the sudden stopping of the music. He even repeats “calm down”. He doesn’t ask “why?” or appear confused.

(Timestamp 3:15-3:26)

This has led to speculation that there was an agreement for the song to be stopped at a certain point. Taekookers have pointed out the song played for exactly 1 minute and 23 seconds (123 theory). Based on Tae checking his phone before stopping Jk, stopping the song mid-sentence, and Jk’s unsurprised face/reaction to the abrupt stop of the music, it’s an interesting theory, but it’s one the reader must consider for themselves. Tae goes to check the phone at 1:21:

And ends it at 1:23:

(Screenshots from Peachlesslyyy - who goes into more detail in her analysis here - https://youtu.be/_28tA7MHKT8, timestamp starting at 2:52)

Jk and Tae both compliment each other. Tae discusses his hair and Jk chimes up that Tae looks best in everything.

To which Tae replies that it’s nice to hear that from Jk, who looks best in everything.

Jk chuckles in embarrassment. They both give fake playful laughs after, Tae’s being very loud as if they were playing with someone.

(Timestamp 5:11-5:31)

They’re asked to make a heart. They make individual hearts then make one together.

(Timestamp 7:34)

Tae says sorry for being late and explains it was the traffic’s fault. Jk says he could have predicted the traffic jam but then confesses he is often late & isn’t one to talk. They start talking playfully. Jk laughs.

Jk doubts it with a little “oh?”

Tae defends himself using the soft honeyed voice and rising head movements. Jk lets him win.

(Timestamp 5:34)

Tae reads out “Kiss” from the comments and plays dumb (subs censored the actual word & replaced it with “cass”). He then proceeds to sing a song with the lyrics “kiss me”. Jk is suddenly very interested in the screen. Tae also sings part of an additional love song and talks about his english level. All of this makes it obvious that the word he read was the English word “kiss” that a taekooker wrote.

(Timestamp 12:12)

For a third time, Tae and Jk say the name “Taekook”. Tae reads off the comment “Taekook forever” and Jk says in a sing-song voice “foreverrr”. Again, they seem happy to say the name “Taekook” which, keep in mind, they’re not obligated to say.

(Timestamp 15:15)

Speculation - why, when Tae’s comment clearly says “Taekook forever” does the subtitle have it as “V and Jungkook forever”? Is it part of hinting in a subtle but psychological way - BH wanting, in essence, to show Tae and Jk as people separate from their ship? By utilizing their names instead of their ship name, it does show them as real people instead of just a ship. They mention “Taekook” in two other occasions before this but the subtitle isn’t changed, only for this final one.

Tae and Jk say comments in different languages. Tae asks Jk to say “I love you” to Swedish ARMY. At first Jk says it in Korean, but Tae asks him to say it in English, which Jk then does.

After saying “I love you” in English, Jk looks back at Tae briefly.

(Timestamp 17:58-18:07).

Tae asked Jk if his experimental hairstyle looked good on him a total of 5 times and Jk always reassured him.

(Timestamp 23:00)

Jk asks Tae to say some last words and there is this moment of exchange of looks and smiles.

(Timestamp 24:30)

Jk brings up the awkwardness of the vlive for the 3rd time. He reasons it’s the lack of habit - which is probably true - but we wonder if he was also saying it to follow through with the plan of giving the viewer a certain impression.

Tae agrees with Jk.

Jk then stares at Tae.

He scans Tae’s face a bit & they silently lock eyes for a moment (which honestly comes off as a tender moment).

Jk breaks eye contact and lightly laughs when Tae ends the moment with a small “내” = “yeah”, probably finding him cute.

(Timestamp 25:27)

Tae asks if he can give a spoiler, and it appears he’s asking in regards to the upcoming personal album BTS plans to release in Oct. We can base this on him briefly mentioning Yoongi spoiling things about the upcoming album, and then Tae asks if he can say what Jimin’s role is, to which Jk whispers “say it”.

Tae still looks at Jk for reassurance despite receiving approval from staff.

Jk delicately prods him on (extremely softly).

Instead, Tae makes an interesting comment and says he is going to have a meeting after the vlive about what his image will be for ARMY (since Tae’s role for the album is being the visual director).

Jk laughs and scrunches up his nose at the change of heart -

(Timestamp 26:07)

Jk mentions he usually doesn’t dream about his group members.

Tae looks down (in both senses) and makes a sound with his mouth. This causes Jk to check up on him.

Jk then finds it necessary to justify it by softly saying it's because they always spend time together.

(Timestamp 27:20 - all moments above are part 2- http://www.vlive.tv/video/189708)

They started the vlive with a gap between them, and ended close together:

Taekook/vkook trend worldwide after this vlive and smash records. At one point, it had 2 million tweets.

Notable stats that show Taekook support is strong: 10M views on Vlive combined, over 500 million hearts on vlive, 1 million tweets in real time and counting, 1 million likes on the seleca within 3 hours, #1 trending topic worldwide, in the US, and in multiple countries AFTER ONLY BEING ON THE VLIVE FOR 15 MINUTES. They trended at #1 for almost 4 hours. They still trended in the day at the #5-6 position. Multiple names trended – Taekook, KOOKV and VKOOK being examples. Dispatch posts the selca on their Instagram. Dispatxh did NOT post any other vlive seleca, only Taekook’s. 14 hours after the two vlives were posted, they had a combined 16.4 million views and over 830 million hearts.

Seleca:

(https://twitter.com/bts_twt/status/1257577057862610951?s=21)

The vlive and seleca were iconic enough for Dispatch and other media outlets, like metro, to cover it.

(metro link: https://twitter.com/metro_ents/status/1257594769229975552?s=21)

Fun fact!

Funny fact - Vpick on taekook vlive: subtitle 😂🙈🤐🥴

#taekook #taekooktimeline #2020 #may 2020 #200505 #may 5 2020 #flirting #playfulness #fondness #nose scrunchs #hints #duets #stares #compliments

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raeynbowboi · 5 years ago

Text

The Character Forge: How to Play as Princess Zelda in DnD 5e

Since I just covered Link, it seemed only fitting to follow up with Princess Zelda. So, let’s start by discussing my goals for this build. Zelda’s powers come from religious magic, and she’s been gifted with the Triforce of Wisdom. Although she was only trained to fight as Shiek in Ocarina of Time, Zelda retained her Shiek transformation for multiple iterations of Smash Bros before they became separate characters.

The Makings of a Heroine

The first thought is to make Zelda a High Elf like Link, but the Eladrin Elf gets Fey Step for a built in Farore’s Wind. Autumn variation can charm people when they teleport, Spring variety can teelport another creature instead of themselves, and Summer variety can deal fire damage when they teleport. Otherwise, High Elf Zelda would need to throw away a stat boost to pick up the Fey Step feat.

Because Nayru is the goddess who created the laws and magic of Hyrule, Zelda is likely Lawful Good.

While Noble is the obvious background choice, there are a few other options, including Courtier, Acolyte, and Secret Identity variant Charlatan.

Powers and Abilities

First things first, Princess Zelda is the reincarnation of the goddess Hylia, so her power comes from a strong religious source. Secondly, her Smash Bros powers are the gifts of the three goddesses of Hyrule. Din’s Fire allows Zelda to throw fireballs, Nayru’s Love lets her create a magical shield that hurts those near her, and Farore’s Wind allows her to teleport. So, Zelda needs a build that allows her to do all of these things. It’s also worth remembering that Hylia is a Sky Goddess, Din is the Goddess of Power who formed the land, Nayru is the Goddess of Wisdom who formed laws and magic, and Farore is the Goddess of Courage who created life. Because she got the Triforce of Wisdom from Nayru, this means that she’s also tangentially related to law, magic, and the Zora race.

Top of Her Class

Cleric Arcana: Because Nayru is the goddess who created magic, Zelda’s link to the Triforce of Wisdom, and Nayru’s power could make her very knowledgeable of magic. Light: Many of Zelda’s spells are light-based, with her light arrows being her iconic ultimate in Smash. Order: Nayru is also the goddess who created law, and since Zelda is also the princess of Hyrule, she’s connected to lawfulness and order. Monk Kensei: Shiek could work as a Monk, but unarmed combat isn’t really his focus, as he relies heavily on the use of weapons. Rogue Arcane Trickster: Because Zelda is a magic-user, this archetype gives Shiek a clever magical counter to spells and magical trickery. Assassin: The Assassin Archetype gets to create a false identity, which she absolutely did when she created the Shiek identity. Sorcerer Divine Soul: Zelda is the reincarnation of a goddess, so she absolutely has a divine soul, and it’s the source of her magical power. Divine Soul Sorcerers can also learn spells from the Cleric Spell List. Warlock Celestial: Zelda serves at the pleasure of the goddesses of Hyrule, so Zelda does serve Celestial entities. Wizard Theurgy: More along the vein of someone studying religious magic, but because it allows Zelda to mix Cleric spells with another class.

Stats and Proficiencies

The obvious highest stat is Wisdom. Zelda has the Triforce of Wisdom, so this should be her best stat. As a rogue or monk, her Dexterity score is also important. Third being Charisma. She’s a princess, so she needs to be good at talking to people. Religion is an Intelligence stat despite no religious casters casting with the Intelligence stat. Constitution is a little lower, and strength can be dumped.

Proficiencies Animal Handling Arcana Deception Insight Investigation Medicine Perception Performance Persuasion

Name: Zelda Race: Eladrin Elf - Autumn Background: Outlander Alignment: Neutral Good Class: Divine Soul Sorcerer (11) Assassin Rogue (9) Base Stats: Strength: 8 (-1) Dexterity: 16 (+2) Constitution: 12 (+1) Intelligence: 10 (0) Wisdom: 18 (+4) Charisma: 18 (+4) Saving Throws: Strength: -1 Dexterity: +3 Constitution: +7 Intelligence: 0 Wisdom: +4 Charisma: +10 Combat Stats: HP: 111 AC: 14 Speed: 30 Initiative: +3 Proficiency Bonus: +6 Passive Perception: 26 Dark Vision: 60 feet Proficiencies and Expertise: Deception (Rogue) History (Noble) Insight (Sorcerer) Perception (Elf) Persuasion (Noble) Religion (Sorcerer) Skills: Acrobatics: +3 Medicine: +4 Animal Handling: +4 Nature: 0 Arcana: 0 Perception: +16 Athletics: +-1 Performance: +4 Deception: 16 Persuasion: +16 History: 6 Religion: +6 Insight: +16 Sleight of Hand: +3 Intimidation: 4 Stealth: +3 Investigation: 0 Survival: +4 Condition Resistances: Charmed Immunities: Sleep Racial Feature: Elf Fey Step: Teleport up to 30 feet as a bonus action. When you teleport, up to two creatures within 10 feet of where you land must make a Wisdom saving throw against 18 or be Charmed by you for up to 1 minute. Sorcerer Feature: Sorcery Points 11 Sorcerer Feature: Metamagic Empowered Spell Quickened Spell Subtle Spell Spell Slots: (12) 1st (4) 2nd (3) 3rd (3) 4th (3) 5th (2) 6th (1) Zelda’s Spellbook (Sorcerer Spells, Cleric Spells*) *Divine Soul Sorcerers can pick up Cleric spells which they cast with CHA. Cantrips Fire Bolt Guidance* Hand of Radiance* Light Resistance* Sacred Flame* 1st Level Cure Wounds* Guiding Bolt* Shield Shield of Faith* 2nd Level Flaming Sphere Misty Step Prayer of Healing* Scorching Ray 3rd Level Dawn* Daylight 5th Level Holy Weapon* Wall of Light 6th Level Sunbeam Bonus Actions: Cunning Action: Dash, Disengage, or Hide once per turn. Flexible Casting: You can convert Sorcery Points into Spell Slots Reactions: Uncanny Dodge: Halve the damage from an attacker you can see. Features, Traits, and Feats: Assassinate: You have advantage on creatures that have not taken an action yet in combat. Empowered Healing: When rolling for healing, use a sorcery point to reroll a healing die. Evasion: On a successful Dex save to reduce damage, damage becomes 0. Favored By the Gods: If you fail a saving throw or miss an attack, you can roll 2d4 and add that to the failed roll once per rest. Infiltration Expertise: In 7 days at a cost of 25 gold, successfully create a convincing false identity. Position of Privilege: You belong in high society, lowborns go out of their way to provide you with comforts, and you can get an audience with other nobility. Thieves’ Cant: You can hide covert messages in casual conversation. Trance: Trance for 4 hours, instead of sleeping for 8.

I am well aware that most would probably make Zelda a Cleric so that she’d be casting with her Wisdom modifier, but personally, I think that the Divine Soul Sorcerer covers more of Zelda’s abilities by allowing her to cast both Sorcerer and Cleric spells. Would you build Zelda differently? How would you approach her build? And as always, I do take requests, and I’ll see you guys next time in the Character Forge; where heroes are made.

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chierei · 4 years ago

Text

Job Hunting for Dummies

I am in a school program where I spent 80% of my time learning how to get a job. While this might not work for non-specialized jobs, but if you are looking at a more targeted field, this will get you a job much easier than dropping a ton of application. Again, this works best if you are looking for a targeted job and even better, if you are a student. This entire process is detailed in Steve Dalton’s The 2-Hour Job Search but I’m basically going to give you what you need to do to get a job you will like (or at least not hate).

First, make a LAMP list. LAMP stands for List, Advocacy, Motivation, and Postings. Open an Excel Spreadsheet and just list those four things as columns. Or use this template that I am giving you. (Please save a copy for yourself)

1. List: Make a list of every company you can think off in your industry. If you are looking for only in an area, search only in that area. Use things like LinkedIn, Crunchbase, or plain-old Google. Just, make a list. Get at least 40 companies. Do NOT research the companies. Just write down the names in an excel spreadsheet.

2. Advocacy: Now, you are going to look to find companies where you can find an Advocate. This might be friends or family, friends of a friends, friends of family. This might be someone who went to your college--whether undergraduate or masters. The easiest way to do this is LinkedIn. Use the search function for LinkedIn and then filter for your school/organization and then search, company by company, to see if you have any alumni at all at those companies. Fill out the spreadsheet on a simply Yes/No Basis. Don’t research more. Just is there someone there vaguely connected to me in some way? Yes or no.

3. Postings: Now, look at each of these companies and then on a scale of 1-3, give them each a score. 3 means that they have a current posting up for a job you that want. 2 means they have jobs posted but not for what you want. And 1 means no postings at all.

4. Motivation: On a scale of 0-3, rate each company on how much you want a job with them. If you know nothing about a company, rate it as 0.

Now look at your list. You have 40 companies, at least, where you might find a job. Remember that. There are options.

Now, in Excel, you are going to use multi-level sorting in this order:

Motivation: Highest to lowest Postings: Highest to lowest Advocacy: Z to A

Now, focus on your Top 10 only for now. Maybe, as your search goes on, look at your top 15, but from experience, you should be able to get something in your top 10.

Next, the entire idea behind this exercise to to find companies to reach out to. Yes. This means networking, and yes, it sucks. I hate networking. HATE. But, sadly, this is the fastest way to get a job. They say that 70-85% of jobs are found through networking. You are better off spending your time networking than spamming out applications.

Now, starting at the top, you are going to go company by company. Find one person at each company that is somehow connected to you--whether it’s a friend of the family or an alumni from your school. Try to find someone likely younger and in the position you are interested in. If you don’t have anyone connected at that company, you can take two routes: pick someone who has the job you want and cold email or you can take a longer route by trying to wrangle an introduction from outside that organization. I personally do the former.

These are your potential advocates. Now, this is how you can be creepy, but you are going to *find* their emails. Use Hunter.io and it’ll help you find work emails based on name and company. If they aren’t there, you can blindly guess as most company follow this pattern: [email protected]

Now, you are going to write each of these people an email. I suggest one person per company at the moment so you don’t get cluttered.

Next, draft an email to each of these people. These are what we call a 6-point email, because they are very short and consist of six points. They all follow this format:

Subject: Your experience at (company name)

Dear (name of person),

My name is (your name) and I am a (student/friend/etc) of (university name/friend name). I am interested in the work you have been doing at (company name), especially in (something specific that they have been working on). Are you able to have a short call with me to chat about your work and career in the next week?

Regards, (your name)

And that’s it. Three sentences and two of them will be identical for every single email you send.

And the reason we call this the 2-Hour Job Search is because from start (making your list) to sending the last email, it shouldn’t take more than 2-hours.

Now, two things can happen.

One: The person responds and says they’d love to have a chat. If you can do this in person, even better, but by phone or video-chat is perfectly fine. Set up a 30-minutes slot to chat with them. Reach their LinkedIn before that chat and come prepared with questions.

Now, this chat is what we call an informational interview. Do not ask for a job. DO NOT ASK FOR A JOB. We call this an informational because the goal is to gain information from this person. People love to talk about themselves, so give them this chance. You can learn more about information interviews here, but I usually do 2-4 minutes of small-talk, ask them about their journey to how they got their current job, and then start doing a deeper dive. End the conversations with “Are there any resources or advice you’d give me as I try to get into this industry?” or something similar.

What is the goal of this entire thing? It’s that you want a referral from them to someone else. Do not ask for a referral on the phone, but if they bring it up, say thank you. After the call ends, within 24 hours, send a thank you email, and this is when you can ask for a referral. The thank you email should be short, like this:

Dear (name),

Thank you for taking the time to talk with me yesterday. I really enjoyed our conversation about (something specific you talked about). I am very interested in (some function/role/area of study), and I would like to learn more. Is there anyone in your company that would be willing to talk with me?

Thanks, (Your name)

It is better if they introduce you through email directly (which most will do) but others may just give you an email. If they give just an email, in your introduction, make sure to say who referred you to them.

So, if all goes well, they introduce you to someone and you start this entire thing over, slowly making your way through the company. The hope is that when a position opens up or after you’ve applied, your contacts in the company will come to you about the job. Or, when you apply, you can name a list of employees you’ve talked to and how they’ve made you want this job. Or maybe, your interviewer will be one of these people you’ve already spoken to.

Optional: If you had a great conversation that you actually liked, you can follow-up with this person maybe 2-4 weeks later and ask for another chat.

The other thing that can happen is that they don’t respond. Don’t worry. People are busy, and emails get lost. You are to follow up twice. Once after three (3) business days and again after five (5) business days. Reply to your original email and just say:

Dear (name),

I wanted to follow up with the below. Are you available this week for a talk? I am free at (offer 2-3 times you are available.)

Thanks, (Your name)

If they don’t respond after your second follow-up, don’t email again. That lead is dead. Find another contact and try this all over again. (If you are super organized, you can start working on another contact at day 3.) Sometimes dead-ends do bear fruit though! I’ve had emails sent back to me months later with them apologizing for the delay or lost email and would love to chat still.

And that’s it. Repeat until you find something. You should not be spending more than 30 minutes a day on job hunting. If you are doing one informational interview a week, that’s enough. It’s easy to get burnt out, so spread them out and talk to people that you actually want to talk to because they are doing cool shit.

Results: I have received two job offers using this method. I thought it was dumb, but I chugged along. I have found two job offers during COVID-19 where companies are mostly under a hiring freeze. I had one company lift their hiring freeze for me and create a position just for me. It took me three months, which is about double the time it should take, but we are under special circumstances. I have had several other companies say that they would have offered me something if they were hiring. I have had companies email me afterwards to see if I am still available, because they have posted a job I could be interested in. I have friends who have found jobs in under a month using this method during peak recruiting.

Final tips:

Set a reminder in your calendar for your 3-day and 5-day (called 3D5D) reminders. They can start getting confusing when you have a few things going on.

Focus on what you like. Reach out to people who sound interesting. It’ll help the conversation feel more natural. It became a lot more natural when I reframed the conversation as “What can I learn from them?” as opposed to “What can they do for me?”

You won’t vibe with everyone and that’s okay.

Be prepared to answer this: “Tell me about yourself.” Spend less than 2 minutes on this intro--just give your background, what you do, what you love, or what you are interested in. If you need more help creating your pitch, here is a great video.

This is the quick-and-dirty version of this, but it’s all in the book The 2-Hour Job Search. Steve Dalton is a cool dude who wrote this book because he’s an awkward bean and making this step-by-step guide helped him. I hope this was helpful to you, and if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask me!

Lastly, assume positive intent! <3

Networking sucks. But it does work. I have severe anxiety over meeting strangers and phone calls, but this is formulaic which helps.

And it feels contrived, because it is. But try to focus on the idea that you want to learn from these strangers and not get a job, and that helps the interactions be more normal.

And happy job hunting!

#job hunting #job hunting advice #how to find a job #networking #jobsearch #job search #life advice

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sage-nebula · 4 years ago

Note

Do you have headcanons about which characters Alan meets in each region?

Brock — I feel like Brock would be a very good friend for Alan to have. They’re the same age in canon (15), which makes them peers, and aside from that Brock has a very soothing, nurturing nature, which is exactly the kind of friend that Alan needs after everything that happens with Flare. This is especially true since while Brock is kind, his kindness is true kindness in that he’s also firm when he needs to be, i.e. he’s not an enabler of untrue, self-deprecating thoughts. If Alan tried to blame himself for things that weren’t his fault, Brock would put a stop to that right quick, ripping the shovel from his hands and refusing to let him dig himself deeper. That said, I honestly imagine their meeting would be by chance; perhaps Alan goes to Professor Oak’s lab to run an errand for Sycamore and ends up hearing about how a couple of the Gym Leaders in Kanto have mastered Mega Evolution, and so he decides to check that out on his own before returning to Kalos, and that’s how he meets Brock. But either way, I think it’d be a good friendship for him and one that’d last for years.

Gary — I mentioned this in another post, but Alan and Gary already have so much in common that I just think it’d be neat to see them interact. They’re both nerds who care a lot about pokémon, they both love battling, they were both raised by regional professors, and so on and so forth. Mega Charizard X vs. Mega Blastoise Round II would also be really interesting to see. Though their areas of study are different, I think they’d have a lot to talk about, and the fact that they’re both fond of fieldwork would also be another point in favor of the two of them meeting. If Alan did that errand to Oak’s lab that I mentioned above, this could easily be how he meets Gary, who is perhaps home from his own travels for a little while.

Professor Oak — I mean, let’s just continue this “running an errand to Oak’s” thing, which means that he obviously meets Professor Oak. Alan is a studious young man who’s quite experienced in taking care of pokémon and I think Oak would appreciate that. I don’t think they’d get particularly close, both being focused on the research end of things (and Oak not being one to poach other professor’s assistants, generally), but they’d get along well enough, particularly since I’m sure Alan has a lot of respect for Oak given all his accomplishments in the field.

Tracey — RESURRECT TRACEY SKETCHITT 2020. Honestly, Tracey is Oak’s assistant and so it’s completely bewildering why he is nowhere in sight ever the few times we’re allowed to actually go to Oak’s ranch in the anime. In my world, though, he’s there, and while obviously Oak is his hero I imagine that he’s also very curious about Sycamore’s research as well and would probably jump at the chance to ask Alan all sorts of questions about it, and would be even more excited to draw pictures of Lizardon. Alan would be very happy to let Tracey draw pictures of Lizardon because it gets Tracey out of his personal space bubble and to stop asking him rapid-fire questions. (He doesn’t mind Tracey, but Tracey is very enthusiastic when it comes to gaining knowledge and that would make Alan feel kind of on-the-spot and uncomfortable.)

Delia — When what he has to do at Oak’s ends up having to run into another day (or another couple days), Delia, who happened to be visiting at the time and recognizes Alan as one of Ash’s friends (because Ash told her about him and showed him the picture that was taken of everyone at Sycamore’s lab) “invites” Alan to stay the night, and by “invites” I mean “insists” and so he gets a home cooked meal and a nice place to sleep (in Ash’s room) and also gets mothered for the first time ever in his life. Like, Sycamore is his dad, obviously, and Fulbert was his grouchy uncle, but both of those things aren’t quite exactly the same thing as having a mom, especially one who (though she won’t say it) knows you’ve been through a lot recently and can tell you’re still kind of going through it and so makes extra sure to give you a warm hug when you leave and also a bento with lunch and an extra pack of sweets to take with you. (And when he tries to apologize to her for putting Ash in so much danger she won’t hear of it because Ash told her that Alan saved him multiple times and that’s all that matters to her.) Alan won’t think of her as “mom,” of course, because he’s only known her a couple days and she most definitely is not his mom, but he does wonder, when she hugs him, if that’s what being hugged by a mother feels like, and it sticks with him for a while. All in all, Alan likes Delia, although he and Lizardon both don’t know how they feel about Delia calling Lizardon “Li-Li.”

And wow, this is getting really long, so all the rest (and there are a lot more) are going under a cut!

Misty — Because if Alan goes to Pewter Gym to battle Brock due to Mega Evolution, then of course when Brock tells Alan that the Cerulean City Gym Leader has also mastered Mega Evolution, he’s going to go there as well. Given that they both get pretty fired up for battles, Alan and Misty would get along pretty well right off the bat. Misty would be particularly interested in battling (and beating) him since she knows that he beat Ash at the Kalos League, and as much as she loves Ash, she wants to be able to have that one over on him because they’re rivals just as much as they’re best friends. Unfortunately, this battle doesn’t go so well, because when Alan learns that Misty’s Mega Evolution partner is a Gyarados, that gives both him and Lizardon trauma flashbacks pretty much right away. They both try to shake it off, but Brock can tell something’s off and all but insists they stop the match . . . which neither Alan or Misty are really happy with, but, well. Alan can’t say he’s exactly upset to see Mega Gyarados go back in its ‘ball.

Casey — She ends up being the Johto Champion, so of course he meets her (and in specific they meet as Champions). Alan and Casey don’t really talk very much because they don’t really have anything in common. She’s not interested in “nerd stuff” like his research and he has 0% interest in baseball (when she mentions The Electabuzz he legitimately thinks she’s talking about the species of pokémon and has no idea why she’s so offended when he says he’s never heard of the sports team). Casey does get on really well with Manon, though, since the two have very similar energy, even though Manon also knows nothing about baseball. (She does know how to join Casey in making fun of Alan’s “nerd stuff” while he rolls his eyes, though, so there is that.)

Morty & Eusine — Counting these two together as they should be. I don’t think this would be a long-lasting relationship by any means, but I could imagine a scenario where Alan travels to Ecruteak City to learn more about the legends there since he’s interested, and he goes to Morty to learn about them, and Eusine either happens to already be there or barges in while the two are talking, and the second he hears that Alan has some interest in Suicune (and that Alan has interest in hearing about Eusine’s findings once he learns that Eusine is the Ultimate Expert On Suicune™ (according to Eusine himself), well. Alan regrets asking only 30 minutes into that 4 hour lecture. Morty leaves partway through and brings back some tea for them to share because, well. Alan really did it now, didn’t he.

Lance & Clair — In a timeline where Alan studies his heritage (and learns that his heritage links back to the Blackthorn dragon clan), he meets both of them. He might meet Lance in a standard timeline anyway since Lance is always vying for Kanto’s Champion seat and held it before Ash did, but nonetheless he wouldn’t get on with either of them, honestly. Clair has an imperious attitude and is prone to fits of temper when she doesn’t get her way, which would annoy Alan, and Lance can be pretty arrogant and his sense of morality often clashes with Alan’s own. On the flipside, Clair would think Alan an upstart brat who has no right to think he could be on her level, while Lance would find Alan naive and foolhardy. So while they hail from the same clan (albeit distantly, in Alan’s case), they would not consider each other friends, let alone any kind of family.

Wallace — Alan is friends with Steven, and Steven is dating / engaged / married to Wallace, so it’s pretty inevitable the two would meet. I think they’d get along well enough in the few times they were around each other, but honestly they wouldn’t see / talk to each other enough to have any kind of real relationship.

Zinnia — In my head my Delta Episode AU 100% happens and they meet and bond through that when Zinnia tries to mug him for his Key Stone, fails, but then actually succeeds in stealing Sycamore’s Key Stone and so Alan goes tearing after her to get it back. This whole thing culminates in Zinnia revealing to Alan what Devon Corp has been doing with Infinity Energy (which puts a severe strain on his friendship with Steven, very nearly shattering the trust between them, and it takes a long time to heal), and Alan helping Zinnia summon Rayquaza despite his own trauma associated with it and also riding with her into space to help Rayquaza + pulling her off the great sky dragon at the last second so they can be caught by their dragons and both survive. (In other words: Unlike how the actual Delta Episode played out, Zinnia does not have her thunder stolen here. She is the one who summons Rayquaza, teaches it Dragon Ascent, and carries out her destiny as Lorekeeper. Alan just helps her survive the experience, even though they both still almost die, and end up laughing hysterically about it on the roof of the Sky Pillar because, after falling from space and almost dying, what else is there to do?) Their relationship definitely gets off on a rocky start due to the mugging and theft and Zinnia’s habit of being deliberately vague about important things and also talking in circles to avoid answering questions directly (not to mention that Zinnia knows that Alan is friends with Steven and figures, at first, that he must therefore be like Steven in all the ways Zinnia dislikes, such as using pokémon as a means to an end and not caring about lives that he can’t see), but after getting to know each other through the journey to save two universes from a giant Deoxys-infested meteor, they come to a mutual understanding and end up realizing they’re something of kindred spirits. Even though they can still be prone to teasing and bickering whenever their paths cross again after that, there’s also a very deep foundation of trust that can only be gained when you realize you have met your match in attempts to sacrifice yourself for the sake of the world in death-defying stunts that you will never, ever learn your lesson from no matter how many times you tell the people who care about you that you have most definitely learned it this time, you promise. (Not that Zinnia has many of those people left, but she does have her grandmother and others from the Draconid clan, plus she now also has Alan, so. There’s that. Also, no, she and Steven never, ever come to like each other, and Alan does his best to hang out / talk with each of them separately to save himself the headache of trying to mediate.)

Cynthia — She’s the Champion of Sinnoh, so obviously he meets her once he becomes Champion himself, and given that they’re both nerds they get along pretty well as a result. I think I’ve talked about this before, that she kind of becomes like a Cool Aunt for him, in that they can talk about legends and mythos and go on ancient ruins explorations together. Like if one of them discovers some ancient ruins, they’ll send the other a message to see if they want to go spelunking together and the answer is almost always yes. The only times Alan doesn’t appreciate spending time with Cynthia are the times when she teams up with Steven to try to “improve his wardrobe” because Steven and Cynthia are the designated Fashion Icons of the Champion Squad and both think it’s “such a shame” that Alan doesn’t care much about clothes. Otherwise, though, he gets along great with Cynthia and is always happy to have a new message from her.

Tobias — Alan doesn’t actually know Tobias, in that he never got Tobias’ name and probably wouldn’t recognize him again if he saw him on the street (and vice versa), but it’s my headcanon that the first time Alan and Lizardon ever successfully used Mega Evolution, it was in a battle against Tobias. They still ended up losing the match (I mean, the man has a team of legendaries, there’s only so much anyone can do), but given that they successfully used Mega Evolution for the first time, Alan and Lizardon still considered it a victory overall.

Iris — Iris becomes Unova’s Champion, obviously, but I’d like to think that they actually met before that, when Iris traveled to Kalos as part of her training (and the cameo episodes that she DESERVED but NEVER ACTUALLY GOT), and Iris saw Lizardon and got so excited because cute dragon!!! and as a result introduced herself. She makes a remark about how she knows that Charizard isn’t actually a dragon-type, and then Alan tells her about the X form of Mega Evolution and she decides to write Ash a letter right then and there telling him that he was WRONG and she was RIGHT and he should STUDY MORE, MAYBE, or something along those lines. Anyway, I like to think that they battle (with Iris using her Dragonite, or perhaps Haxorus if Axew has evolved by that point), and perhaps even run off some criminals / protect the lab together, or some such. You know, bonding time. Iris and Alan get along pretty well given that they both love dragons and enjoy battling and adventure. She’s the one who always most appreciates when Alan posts pictures of Lizardon into the Champion messenger.

Emma — So this one is sort of an AU idea, considering that much of Alan’s story was clearly based on Emma’s story from the XY postgame, and as such it makes sense to think that they might not exist in the same world. But I love the idea that they were, perhaps, childhood friends; they both would have grown up in Lumiose City, after all, and I could imagine them having a sort of odd friendship over the years, wherein Emma teases Alan for always having his nose in a book or wanting to study and do homework, while Alan just wants to research in peace, and all the while Sycamore is trying to encourage Alan to make friends. Emma, I like to imagine, would have been adopted by Looker around age 7, so they didn’t get to know each other for too long before she was whisked away with her own adoptive parent. But perhaps they met again at the Summer Camp, and perhaps years later Emma — now running the Lumiose branch of the Looker Bureau — helps uncover evidence that gets the police off Alan’s back for the Flare incident somehow. I think it could be a sweet relationship for them. (Alternatively, I’ve also imagined an AU where perhaps she’s his younger biological sister, despite them being roughly the same age canonically, in that his biological parents had another child a little while after abandoning him and decided to keep this one. This AU is more sad because Alan wants nothing to do with his biological parents, and he wouldn’t consider Emma his sister even if they were related by DNA, so I don’t like it as much. It’s still one I’ve considered, though, since design-wise they still look pretty similar and, as I said, they’ve got quite a bit in common even if there are notable differences.)

Louie — We actually do see these two interact in TSME 1, as well as the Kalos League, so this isn’t a headcanon per se. What is headcanon is that Louie considers Alan to be His Rival, while Alan — despite his eidetic memory — always forgets Louie exists the moment they’re done battling. I actually like to think that perhaps they met at the Summer Camp, too, and that they got off on the wrong foot perhaps because Louie was envious that Alan, a kid like him, was Sycamore’s assistant, and Alan got irrationally upset when Louie said that he’d be a much more deserving assistant and would prove it (irrationally because Sycamore would never kick Alan out for another kid, and Alan should theoretically know better at age 10, but also Alan was a child who was already abandoned once and also abused before Sycamore found him so maybe we can give him a pass on this one), and so they spent the whole three day camp hating each other. But then after the camp, Alan forgot about him. And when they met years later and battled, Alan didn’t recognize him (even though Louie DID recognize Alan), and then Alan forgot him again. And Louie felt he’d have his revenge at the League . . . but of course, he didn’t win, and also Alan didn’t know who he was. All in all, this video is a perfect summary of how Louie feels about Alan vs. how Alan feels about Louie.

Hau: Alola’s Champion in the future, and that’s how the two meet. Hau and Alan are pretty neutral toward each other. They have very different energies (Alan is quiet but not laidback, while Hau can be loud but is very laidback), and while this doesn’t make them dislike each other, it also means that they generally don’t talk very much outside of necessary business / the occasional exchange in the Champion messenger. It’s like a very coworker relationship between the two of them, even though they aren’t exactly coworkers. (And before anyone gets in a tizzy, in my headcanon Ash becomes Kanto’s Champion, so no, I’m not “demoting” Ash, please relax.)

The rest of the Alola people he would know I’m leaving out because I wrote those relationships before the games were even released, much less the anime, and so they ended up VERY different from canon. And while I could write in canon-accurate relationships, it’s honestly hard for me to shake what I’d already created out of my head, so it’s just . . . not something that I’d really want to fight with. So if you’re curious about Alan’s relationship with the Aether family, Aether employees, etc, that can go in a separate ask, and will be specific to my Alola AU (which, again, has characterizations from before the games were released even, so the Aether family isn’t IC in it, among other things that I just plain got wrong from the trailers, but whatever, it is what it is). That said, I will say that the comment about “poaching assistants” that I made in Oak’s section was actually kind of a reference to my Alola AU, in which the idea is that after the big climax, Kukui tries to “poach” Alan by inviting him to come be his assistant, because hey, he’s got a pretty impressive resume (and also Ash told Kukui about Alan and especially about all the newfound trauma he has as a result of the Aether AU and asked Kukui if Alan could come stay with them for a while). Alan can be Kukui’s research assistant and also a student teacher at the school and roomies with Ash, it’ll be great. He actually does this right in front of Sycamore, which Sycamore thinks is pretty rude, but when Sycamore asks him about it later Kukui’s like “it was Ash’s idea” and shrugs because he’s got no stakes in this tbqh. (Yeah, I didn’t characterize Kukui completely accurately either because I was working with pre-release info, let me live.) As for whether Alan would say “yes” or not . . . well, we’ll just have to see (I say as if I’ll ever finish that fic this century).

Leon — Galar’s Champion, and as I’ve talked about before I think they’d definitely be friends, plus a little extra, (also they love each other). They’re both Charizard specialists, they both love battling with all their hearts, they love traveling and exploring, they know what it is to have a lot of responsibility foisted upon them at young ages, they’re both very protective of others, valiant and brave, so on and so forth, I’ve already talked about this in another post, haha. They meet as Champions, hit it off immediately, and the relationship forms from there.

Hop — Hop has a tendency to hang around Leon, so I imagine that Alan would meet Hop when he meets Leon. He and Hop don’t talk / interact much after that, really, but Hop and Manon do become rivals, both in whose big brother think they is the best, as well as in battling and the like as well. Just like Alan and Leon are very similar, so are Hop and Manon. I definitely enjoyed the similarities in the Galar games, I won’t lie.

Sonia — I do imagine that Leon would introduce Alan to his friends, which would include Sonia, but at the same time I could also see Alan and Sonia meeting because, like the situation with Gary, they have some commonalities in their backstory. Sonia wasn’t raised by Professor Magnolia, exactly, but clearly her grandmother was a steady presence in her life and she decided to be her assistant. Of course, she ends up taking over the practice by the time she and Alan meet in their 20s, but nonetheless, all that means is that they’re both nerds who would enjoy talking about their research together, and even though Sonia isn’t as big on battling, that wouldn’t stop she and Alan from having a nice friendship and comparing research notes on the differences between Dynamax particles and Mega Evolution energy.

Raihan — As I said, Leon introduces Alan to his friends, and Raihan is still his best friend and rival even though they are also ex-boyfriends. I think that Alan and Raihan would really enjoy battling against one another, would definitely respect each other as trainers, and hey, they both love dragons, so that’s another thing in common. But Raihan is also a social media influencer whose Rotomphone is always snapping pictures, while Alan highly values his privacy and basically isn’t even on social media outside of a rarely updated Instagram that’s purely pictures of scenery and also occasionally Lizardon, never himself. So how they each tend to exist in public spaces is something that puts them at fundamental odds (Alan doesn’t want to be in the pictures and is kind of annoyed, honestly, by the constant snapping of the camera; Raihan thinks Alan is comparable to a caveman for not being on social media and not liking it). They don’t dislike each other, per se, but they also don’t tend to hang out much at all, and when they do it tends to be in small doses (particularly on Alan’s end, given how introverted he is compared to Raihan’s extroversion; Raihan wears him out).

Bede — I’m actually not sure how these two would meet, but while I played through the SwSh games, Bede’s devotion to doing whatever he had to in orde to help Rose achieve his goal (all the while being manipulated into doing so, albeit by Oleana rather than Rose) felt uncomfortably familiar, and I think if Alan was made aware of that he’d try to steer Bede away from that and would definitely not be friendly at all to Oleana. Of course, the primary difference between them is that Bede is a snotty brat while Alan is not and never was, so Bede would not want to listen to Alan at all, and Alan’s help would thus fall on deaf ears. But he’d still try, even as Manon would personally be of the opinion that, hey, maybe Bede is just an annoying jerk and you should just ignore him. (Bede would pick on her just as much as he picks on Hop and so she would not like him one bit. And honestly, Alan’s not too fond of him either, but that doesn’t mean he wants to see another kid manipulated and used like he once was. You don’t get a pass out of doing the right thing just because you don’t like someone, in Alan’s eyes. And that sense of justice and want to do good is really annoying in Manon’s (particularly as she gets older), but is also one of the key things that made her like him so much to begin with, so it’s like. She doesn’t want him to change, but also, Bede is really annoying and mean, though.)

Chairman Rose — Since Alan would participate in tournaments in Galar, and also since he’s Leon’s Special Someone, of course he’d end up meeting Rose at some point. To be honest, Alan wouldn’t trust Rose right off the bat. The fact that a megacorporation owns and runs everything in Galar, including the League, wouldn’t sit right with Alan and he’d be suspicious of it. This is especially true considering that Fleur-De-Lis Labs held considerable influence in Kalos (and look what happened), and Devon Corporation still holds considerable influence in Hoenn (and look what they do re: Infinity Energy). But the thing about Rose is that he’s a natural fit for the public eye and is legitimately a philanthropist / humanitarian, and he’d brush off any distrust that Alan has and always be cordial with him, and over time with him not doing anything wrong to anyone and Leon’s assurances that Rose is all right, Alan would relax around him. A little. Bit by bit. Look, he has a lot of trust issues, okay? He’s hypervigilant. And it doesn’t help that Rose’s second-in-command is, well . . .

Oleana — Oh ho ho these two would not get along at all. While Rose is genuinely friendly and likes talking to people and enjoys battling etc, Oleana is all business and, on top of that, she decides to make some of her business manipulating and using a literal child to do her bidding and then throws him away like used garbage when he goes too far on her orders. To most people she’s cold, calculating, and ruthless (and I say “most people” because she shows the most warmth toward Rose and even that’s not too much). And like, that bit’s fine, she can be how she wants to be, but when she uses and manipulates a child and then discards him like trash, that gets under Alan’s skin. And the thing is, Oleana doesn’t care about that. What she does care about is that she has, of course, done her research on Alan, and she knows that he is Very Likely to interfere with Rose’s plans if he finds out about them, given his past actions (and I believe she’d be of the opinion that he bit the hand that fed when it came to turning against Lysandre, and she’s the type who might bring that up in an argument against him so oh boy), and she’s not about to have that. (To that end, him being around Leon so much, when Rose needs Leon for Eternatus? Hmm. She doesn’t like that.) So there would definitely be a strong and mutual dislike between them, even if they Keep It Together during public events, and Rose and Leon either don’t notice or pretend not to because, well, they’re keeping it civil and don’t have to be around each other for long, so it’s fine, right? Right??

. . . oh boy.

#like don't get me wrong Oleana wouldn't have agreed with Lysandre's plans AT ALL and would be glad the genocide was stopped #but also loyalty is a HUGE part of her characterization and clearly something she values very highly #given the way that she sticks by Rose No Matter What after he believes in & listens to her #so Alan NOT doing that for the man who gave him the means to Mega Evolution the first time around? she'd look down on him for that #also just in general she Knows he will interfere if he finds out Rose's plans and she Won't Have That No Sir #if she has to kick him off the top of Rose Tower or w/e it was called then so be it #if it's for the Chairman it's Justified #(it's really not but try telling her that. she will not cede)#pokemon #trainer alan #trainer alain #champion alan #there are too many other characters here for me to tag #it's a LOT people #and it's late and my hands hurt so #i'm not tagging them all for now #Anonymous

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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Unrelated completely, regarding listening reading method:

I am genuinely so excited to test the listening reading method out wholeheartedly. When I looked up the method, few people were trying it with Chinese, and of the people I saw a lot were beginners with less vocabulary than I have which I think both made the task harder for them and made their progress look different than I imagine mine will.

For example, in my first attempts using listening reading method, I noticed I picked up a TON of words I could already read, and a TON of phrases I could already read but didn’t properly “chunk” until I heard them aloud. Whereas the beginners tended to document picking up entirely new words, and not understanding much of any paragraph for the first several chapters. Whereas again, because I had more vocabulary, my first chapters I listening reading method did I heard a TON of individual words/followed the main gist, and it took several chapters for me to start finally understanding full phrase chunks and sentence chunks together. I 100% think the listening reading method can work with mandarin, I just think since few people have tried it and shared the experience, I’m going to find out how much it can improve someone’s mandarin myself...

I saw people who did listening reading method with german, and Dutch, who like the creator of the method ended up going from 0 to B1-B2 listening and sometimes-reading* skill in 3-5 months (reading skill tended to depend on how much they focused on the actual text during target language audio/target language text portion). The people with the most success usually already had a foundation of several hundred or a couple thousand common words, and had seen some grammar summarized beforehand (both of which I have already done with mandarin). I’m extremely curious how far the listening reading method can take my reading skills specifically - since the method mainly improves listening, and reading is simply affected a bit as a consequence of picking up new words/reading target language text along with the audio during one of the steps. With Chinese I suspect I’ll have to do more Hanzi learning, and reading-only work like intensive reading, to supplement my reading skills. However I already do a lot of intensive reading, so maybe that will keep the skills relatively even.

I do know that only couple dozen hours of listening reading method already boosted my listening skills a TON. So listening reading method definitely improves listening skills, as it is intended to. The actual method suggests learners listen read through an entire novel in a week or two, then do another novel etc, at least 3 novels though potentially more - and redoing some novels again from the start if desired. For my kind of novels - like Guardian by Priest, that means 106+ chapters, 800+ pages, 30 minutes audio a chapter (53 hours for the English text-chinese audio portion, another 53 hours for the Chinese text-chinese audio portion, and lets say half as many hours to read it in English 26.5 hours). So that is 132.5+ hours to listen read to Guardian. The listening reading method assumes you do a few books, so let’s say around 3 books, 396 hours (roughly 400 hours). Well... no wonder people saw such improvements! 400 hours of listening to comprehensible input in a European language will get an English speaker quite far into learning. Most European languages according to FSI take around 600-750 hours for an English native speaker to learn. Listening reading method would fill a huge chunk of those hours, and if you focus on the reading portion too, then that should definitely at least be a solid foundation into B1 I can imagine.

Listening reading methods creator also tends to do these in 6-12 hour reading bursts per day - which I absolutely never do because I’m lazy and unable to focus on things for too long usually without switching things up. But like I’ve mentioned, even me just doing maybe 12 hours of listening reading method so far, in small 30 minute to 2 hour chunks, has been enough to make noticeable improvement in my listening comprehension. If someone is already intermediate and just wants to improve their listening skill, I think they’d see fast results like I have regarding their listening skill dragging up closer to their reading skill level.

When I read the listening reading method creators website, they sounded like 10 hours was about how long it took (for beginners in a language) to start parsing individual words and recognizing them, 30 hours to start hearing word chunks and phrases they could understand, and 60-100 hours to start comprehending a majority of the words.

I am therefore very curious what my rate of improvement will be. I do feel chinese study using the listening reading method at least for listening skills will see similar levels of improvement. I’m wondering if my listening skills will improve a bit faster, since I’m already past the “progress at 30 hours” mark expectations wise - I can hear many individual words, can hear many sentence chunks/phrases, and just struggle to follow some full sentences and catch brand new words until I’ve heard them several times. I do very much want to completely go through Guardian with this method - for many reasons lol. 1. Because I’ve been wanting to read it in english and I’ll have a chance to use that for study which is cool, 2. Because I’ve been wanting to read it in chinese and this makes it doable/more comprehensible for my current skill level (aka following along to the audiobook I will read at a less slow pace/comprehend more since the English will be fresh in my mind, compared to if I just read it extensively on its own), 3. Avenuex made a beautiful audiobook I adore and I’ll have an excuse to listen to it while actually comprehending everything since I’ll have the English and Chinese novel to look at while o read! So... once I’m through Guardian, I’ll be able to answer for myself what over 100 hours of progress doing the listening reading method produce, how well it works when using a book with a more complicated/high vocab style - which is sort of priest, reading challenge wise, and the kind of novel the listening reading method creator recommends using. Also, I’ll have read Guardian! ovo)/ and I will have read a full priest novel, so I’ll have picked up words by my favorite author that will hopefully make other priest novels easier to read (the same reason Tian Ya Ke may be helpful).

———-

Another thing people who have tried the listening reading method suggest doing first (particularly if studying a language much different than your native language, but for any language tbh). The creator of the method suggested: knowing a few hundred to a few thousand common words, and having looked at a grammar guide or overview prior. That’s something anyone who’s already a bit of a beginner, to low intermediate, probably has done or is doing. In addition, some people who have done this method suggested using something like sentence audio flashcards (in English and target language audio) and listening to them a few times, repeating them, until one felt comfortable with them. Generally common word/grammar ones, and you could do “listening reading” with those sentences too (reading them while listening to the audio). This would serve as a primer to learn the basics comfortably before going into listening reading novels. They suggested doing yjis would make the method work better - they got to B2 in Dutch in a handful of months of intensive listening reading by doing this beforehand and they think it helped a lot. While I think it’s not necessary, I do think of listening reading is hard, then getting a basis beforehand as a beginner and/or covering a easier basics common language material first will help. I use the Chinese SpoonFed Audio files which basically amounts to the same thing but no reading (if I used the flashcards still, it would include reading). So I do have some sentences/phrases/words I have a good listening foundation for already. Also, as mentioned, I do read, so for many common words and Hanzi I already can read them. I do think this advice is very good for beginners though, if they want to see noticable results sooner (versus 30-50 hours into listening reading before they start learning significant amounts - basically it just means they’d do 30-50 hours prestudy instead of basic common words/grammar, to make the listening reading initially less difficult). A total beginner could dive right into listening reading (just like my chaotic self first started to try to read Chinese knowing 500 words and brute forcing mdzs and guardian a few paragraphs at a time), it just means it’ll feel more difficult at first for a while, and they’ll be mostly learning basics for a while first before they build enough of a basis to comprehend more. Which is fine. It all just comes down to how much incompréhensibilty can you personally tolerate without giving up. The creator of the method? Can tolerate a TON. Me? I can tolerate a brutally large amount, surprisingly, but usually I need to comprehend had least the main idea and that’s a minimum of like 40-60% depending on which parts I’m comprehending. Most people will feel it’s unbearable until they can comprehend at least 80-90% (and I certainly PREFER material I comprehend that much of). And most people ideally are comfortable once they understand 95-98% (think reading a book in your native language with some unknown words you can figure out easily from context, or graded readers made to feel this easy with around this many unknown words for you to figure out in context, or maybe manhua/manga/comics once you’re a pretty decent intemediate level in a language etc).

#January progress #listening reading method #rant #I am genuinely like #so excited #as soon as I’m in the right mood to do it #I can’t wait to #because it’s just like a bunch of stuff I wanna do #!!!!!!#and I really do think the method has merit #since I discovered it and at the Least #combined some of its points into my regular study routine and reading #it’s improved my listening skills a LOT

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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I don’t know if this extensive reading has helped but I FEEL like it has helped lol. When I started 小王子 how long was it taking a chapter? Just under 5 minutes per page right?

Well I know I got faster than that. Today my Internet was down so while waiting for things to restart and load and stuff I read like 5 chapters of the book. I read them out loud (just a handful of words I didn’t know how to say out loud). I was reading at slow but steady speaking speed so that’s still faster than 5 minutes a page. Ok I just timed myself to test it and I am taking 2 minutes to read a page, and I would guess 3 minutes if I slowed down to consider a bit more on the sayings/less familiar hanzi. That’s better then the 4.5-5 minutes I started at! So I must’ve picked up some words from this book. So I would say... yes a little extensive reading seems to be helping reading speed. Also! I have 16 pages to go! This story is so short. It is sweet and odd and so human though maybe that is why it’s remained loved like Alice in wonderland. (Fun fact I also read 2 chapters of Alice in wonderland in French this week and it is just as bizarre to me as when I watched the movie as a kid, But I do think in book form if I were 6-9 I would’ve related more since Alice’s POV in the story is pretty relatable... and when I was a kid and watched the movie I just did Not relate aha).

Anyway from 4.5 minutes to 2-3 is great!

What I did with graded readers/extensive reading this month, that I am hoping is why this helped:

Read graded reader (butterfly lovers, Pleco, 500 unique characters) - not hard but very satisfying to finish it and read it quickly when it used to take me 40 minutes to read a few Pleco pages of it). So that was a few thousand words comprehensible extensive reading.

Read another graded reader, chinese short stories. While I think it’s good as a study companion, a lot of very specific words which I tripped on (antique coins, being scammed). Which was fine I just think it was not the funnest reading material? It was mostly graded reader though I had to look up a couple handfuls of words.

Read a little of my 500 character Sinolingua reader (2 stories). Also read through the back of it which has all the words in the book, and the HSK 3 words included in the book - I knew all those words but it was a nice refresher. Mostly it was just nice to see how much easier these stories were to read compared to when I first got the book. (I would recommend these books as readers if you want something for adults and in short segments, the short stories are simplified prose from established authors, and the quality of storytelling can therefore be felt a bit. They feel more meaningful as short stories and therefore enjoyable if a bit basic (since they’ve been simplified). You can tell though compared to the Chinese Short Stories book above, which was probably written by a teacher/language textbook maker and not necessarily a literary writer.

Read mandarin companion journey to the center of the earth. 450 unique characters. Another easy read that felt really nice, compared to when I first read a mandarin companion book.

Started reading 小王子 on paper, so extensive reading with little word look up (I’ve looked up less than 10 words so far when reading on paper - notable words I looked up because it frustrated me I didn’t know them: 悲伤，惊奇，惊讶，匆匆，逐渐，观察，测试 a lot of these because I know I’ve seen these Hanzi before I just never remember specifically like 惊讶惊奇 what the difference is or guan pronunciation 观察 or 测 I tend to forget when it’s not in 测试). I started reading it because it’s supposed to have around 2000 unique words (so not too many), and be pretty easy reading level (so a bit easier than 活着 which is the novel Chinese learners often get recommended). Basically, this was the extensive reading book choice step up from graded readers - it’s got a bit over 1000 unique hanzi, not an overwhelming amount of unique words, but it is not a graded reader so if it goes well I could jump to other stuff of similar or slightly less “ease” while still having it feel this “easy” to read (and hopefully take days to read instead of months).

Started reading 笑猫日记之会唱歌的猫 in Pleco, so clicking words I didn’t know (though this one only had a word or two a page unknown). I saw it recommended on a Chinese learners form as easy reading material after graded readers, and I agree! It’s very easy to read! I could understand it without clicking words but it is nice to understand fully since it’s convenient, and look up the pronunciation etc. I read 8 chapters so far. I also listened to a few chapters after reading, but idk if it helped at all.

15 ish chapters into 小王子 I found it online and reread 4 chapters with a click dictionary for unknown words. It was nice just clarifying the word pronunciations and fuzzy bits, also the online translation was different so seeing the difference on how they decided to word it (mostly just seeing synonyms used instead or different sayings for certain parts). I listened to a couple chapters audio afterwards, idk if it helped.

Unrelated, but I did listen read to 5 chapters of 默读 mainly following the Chinese text so, idk if that would’ve helped my overall reading at all (I want to say no but I did notice in general much more general gist comprehension of lines in MoDu then last time I read a couple months ago - although listening to the audio and being able to glance at the English for unknown words of course also makes things much more comprehensible that’s why listen reading method is the structure it is ahh).

Listened to some audio for 小王子 during work because I happened to find it, for chapters 1-4. Just playing in the background. I looked at the text while listening to one to match pronunciation to some words, since the chapter was like 5 minutes long in listening. Again interesting to see their word choice since It was yet another translation (I think I like my print books translation best).

Back to reading print 小王子 today and I think the audio beforehand did help me with being able to pronounce more of what I’m reading. Read like 4 chapters in one short break, another 3 chapters just now. While I don’t know how well the reading speed will translate to reading harder stuff like guardian (which was oddly also taking me 5 minutes a page? Why is that my default speed?), my reading speed doing extensive reading on “stuff mostly easy” to me has increased noticeably. (Fun fact when I read English technical text like psychology and physics books and educational etc I think my reading speed is it’s like 10-20 pages an hour... I do not read non fiction very fast).

So anyway, my goal with extensive reading easy material this month was to see if I could push UP what my starting base level “easy” material is.

What I used to do is practice with an “easier text” (which was still pretty hard for me tbh) and then once it got bearable (took 30-40 minutes to read instead of an hour), I’d switch to a harder material that took me 1-1.5 hours to read. Then when I’d burn out, I’d go back to that “easier” text until it got easier at 20-30 minutes to read. Then I might pick a harder base reading text (usually what used to be the hard one that would now take 30-40 minutes to read), and find something even harder. Lately that has been 寒舍 as my “easier” text, taking 20-30 minutes a full chapter (2 mini chapters), and 天涯客 as my harder text at 30-40ish minutes a chapter. And yes, at this point I could pick something harder but they’re both hard enough I was just sticking to them. You might notice none of these were actually easy for me though, my actual base easy materials were still graded readers, and manhua. So I want to push that upward until there’s some “easier” material below 寒舍 that I can be built up to and read easily Without a dictionary aid. So I can have a solid base that’s reliable. Hanshe is an “easier” practice material but it’s not necessarily something I can read extensively with ease. But if I keep pushing up the difficulty of what I can extensively read, bit by bit, I will eventually Get it to hanshe (or a little below it realistically but still firmly in regular-webnovel-exist at the reading level). I will not get faster at reading these hard things unless my base level of reading is both higher and already a reasonable speed. (I’m guessing anyway??).

Well happy to say this plan is working. I guess the advice articles I read were right somewhat. I knew graded readers could drag you from 0 beginner to some reading ability, since It’s what I originally did with Chinese (and even French sort of). But I was very quick about it because I’m impatient and easily bored by too-easy things apparently lol. I read 1 mandarin companion graded reader (the 300 word Sherlock Holmes one), a couple chapters of 2 other graded readers, then started on a random webnovel (the bl 他们的故事 which somehow thankfully is on the easier end for novels) and looked a lot of words up to get through. But I did not think to try to “match my reading level and increase gradually” in regular novels, even tho if it works for graded readers it probably works for regular stuff!

And in school in our native languages, that’s why our elementary schools had libraries, and we read books for our age group and the chapter books we read were much easier than what we read as teens or what adults read! I remember bunnicula and cat wings those were not hard but they were chapter stories. Then I remember Dracula and hg wells and mark Twain in high school and how they felt a bit Hard despite me being one of those kids rated at college reading level in 3rd grade. Now as a kid? I had the same tendencies I do now, so I’m not surprised I always jump in the deep end and Try to read hard stuff (and it must help since it’s part of why I got good at reading my native language, and definitely has helped my chinese and french). I would be like 7 and pick up a mitchner novel of My dad’s (is that the author of stuff like Alaska etc?) and I’d read a couple pages and feel drained trying to follow it and give up. Or the huge The Witching Hour by Anne Rice, or HG Wells History of the world, or the biography of benjamin Franklin, I never finished any of these or had any idea what they were about I just got curious and opened up a couple pages every now and then. Yet somehow that must’ve been part of why my reading level so early on was considered “good”? I’m guessing.

But I wasn’t actually good at reading in the sense of doing it often or fast until my dad started reading to me at like age 8-9 I think it was Harry Potter which at the time worked out since the books got harder each time, and also my dad reads out loud slow just like he tutors slow lol so eventually I read myself so he’d stop boring me (I love him and loved the bonding time I’m sure but truly i just apparently always liked jumping in the deep end). Eventually his strategy Im guessing to get me to read slightly harder stuff each time worked, because by books 4-5 I read each in 2 days. He was so impressed because before that I couldn’t read long books and not fast, and that’s when he thought I got good at reading. Looking back lol it’s actually so funny? How much work he had to do to get me to read and how what ended up working I still sort of do now. He started me on Hop on Pop as a kid as my first book cause One Fish Two Fish bored me and I thought jumping on a dad was funny, and he did that just to do something to get me to pick up a book lol. Then he got me that digital book toy they had back then where you had a real book but it was in a digital holder and if you clicked words with the pen it read them out loud. Literally how I learn Chinese now... he really got me digital equivalent to graded readers back then ToT. And just like as a kid I still pick up stuff way beyond my level and just read a couple pages at random. It’s just. Kind of funny to me how much I didn’t really change that much after all ToT

BACK ON THE TOPIC OF APRIL PROGRESS lol ok. I listened to Guardian ep 1 today just in the background so no subs etc and I was Floored by how much I completely understood. I’ve been listening to SpoonFed chinese again (15 audios listened to this month), but I’m floored if it made a difference?! Since I was mostly listening in the background not focusing and missing some stuff. Idk if it made a difference, or listening reading method just that 1.5 hours I did this month or what. Or if my listening skills have been this decent I just don’t test them since I usually watch shows with hard Chinese subs (and read the subs), or watch shows with English subs. So like. Anyway mejo back in what was it august 2019 when I started studying? Would be so happy. Back when I started watching guardian and only knew ni hao and xie xie and zai jian.

Also I can’t even remember now if I did extensive reading guardian (after reading the English translation), this month too or just last month. But I’m sure that helped and I should test general reading sometime of a priest novel. Like.. literally what kicked off the “I should extensive read more” this month is me Desperately wanting to kick up my reading speed after the horrific 25 page guardian chapter I read that took like 1.5 hours.

#rant #april #april progress #reading progress #to be honest tho truly I’m really happy with my chinese progress so far #it has yeah sooooo much farther to go #and communication wise I’m ahhhh not not anywhere much yet #but listening and reading are already significantly further than Japanese was at 2.5 years #and honestly ‘as slow progress as Japanese’ was my assumption and goal when I started #so I figured I would not read this good for 4 years at least #so just under 2 years? I’m pretty amazed

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thedankfaerie · 4 years ago

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i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you.

and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself.

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time.

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive.

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’.

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once!

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately.

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class.

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point.

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore.

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us.

someone please help me.

#help #lol

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