#letting my delusions run rampant | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thehearteccentric · 2 months ago

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REQUESTS: OPEN

Welcome to 🪄✨ the Cringe Zone! ✨🪄

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You've reached AXYER's probably most cringeworthy blog (well, besides the vore blog)!

Over here on this little corner of the interwebs, I like to post about my experiences being fictionkin.

I'll proooooooobably be posting primarily about being fictionkin of the Heart (Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium, but who's to say the other ones won't come in eventually! Eh? Eh?

I also take requests for a handful of things! Scroll down if you're interested. 😳

Please do note a few things:

-I am like, REALLY sensitive. Like, craaaaazy sensitive. Like, it is literally so easy to hurt my feelings you don't even know. Please be gentle with me! I promise I don't bite, and if I'm rude/wrong/whatever it is NOT on-purpose!

-I'm not going to get too in-depth about my mental ouchies (quite frankly, they're none of your business!) but I do have OCD and I do have schizoaffective. Because of my OCD, I will never reblog things that work based off of superstition/peer-pressure. No "reblog this or else [XYZ] will happen" or "I don't care WHAT your blog is about, what your 'aesthetic' is, what you care about, what your summer job in 2017 was, what your mother's maiden is, YOU BETTER REBLOG THIS OR YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PERSON!!!"-type posts, nothing that triggers compulsion in someone to get them to reblog because, quite frankly, that's not cool. My schizoaffective leads me to have a bit of the paranoias, so be patient with me! Sometimes I'm a little off my rocker.

-Also don't you dare enable my delusions regardless of how "harmless" or "validating" or literally whatever they are I will be absolutely pissed at you if you let me remain in a delusion regardless of what the delusion is. /srs

-No politics here! I wanna keep this a safe escape from reality, just as I do with all my blogs! You won't find any depressing morbid real-life problems here, at most just first-world alterhuman problems.

-I'm specifically not going to discuss DID/OSDD/adjacent-topics (such as Tulpamancy) regardless of what they are, and I'd like you to respect that! There's no winning in that discussion and absolutely no one can agree on anything related to the disorder and related stuff. Please don't ask for requests if your alter isn't fictionkin! I only do fictionkin requests. I know this is probably a bit unfortunate, but I really, really don't wanna associate with the DID/OSDD/what have you community just because discourse and misinformation run rampant, and I'm personally not looking to get involved in that matted knot of a discussion! No hard feelings, of course– you can still interact and be friends, I still support the disorder and people with it– just keep that discussion away from me, m'kay?

-I sometimes mess up! Please let me know as soon as possible when I do! I don't like to be a bad person, and I think people who do are losers. If I make a mistake, kindly (and I mean kindly, I'm a person after all!) let me know and I'll do better! I won't change if no one tells me anything.

-I do NOT want to interact with doubles of Heart!!! Please HARD DNI if you also identify as Heart (or anyone on your account does, for that matter!)! There are no exceptions to this, I would've let you know already if there was!!!

-I'm not personally comfortable interacting with com-shippers! My abuser was a hardcore com-shipper and I'm still recovering from it, not to mention just generally the not okay aspects of it. Please DNI!!!

-Mias World fans HARD DNI as well. /vsrs

Tags:

#bb [character] moment - Kin stuff about da character!

#the blues and greens - Favourite posts!

#you laughed and smiled instead! - All-time favourite posts!

#imprisonment was all that i earned - Vent posts! Trying to make these not too frequent anyone.

#dead leaden eyes? - Serious posts!

#*bites chew toy* hee hee my teeth - Reblogs!!!

#pacted by the moon - Friends!!!

#exchanging spiders - Discussion!!!

#when harmonia shines - My lover, Grimmie!!!

#palpitations be among ye - Kinshifts!!!

Here are my kintypes!:

-The Heart (Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium) blended with the Robber (Ain't no Rest for the Wicked - Chonny Jash Cover) "Villain" Heart! I'm mostly just Heart, though. I know that this kintype of mine came from some odd, ask blog-type crossover AU world, hence my current love and passion for crossover AUs. This leads me to having noematas + memories of a lot of random characters unrelated to CCCC! I know I was a spawn of entropy (Soul was a deity of entropy of sorts, I don't know if that was actually the case or just how I perceived him) and a God/Goddess (genderless) of the Moon, and I lived in a world between worlds composed of Soul's mind. I wasn't a figment of his imagination, and the world was very real; it was not just a mindscape, it was an entire universe. But I don't know who or what "Whole" was other than he was Soul at one point. I know I had an undying hatred for humanity and any human-adjacent entity, and that was part of my villainous motives; I also know Mind was a rival of mine but he wasn't necessarily good either. I also had a strict code against murder and would never kill anyone.

-Grimmchild (Hollow Knight). An "iteration" of myself in another world. Dunno too much about this kintype, but it came to me in a dream and was the first sign of alterhumanity to me back in 2022.

-Glorified stick figure (species), my (Villain) Heart kintype was one of these! But like, a creature that took the form of one as its Host was one itself.

-Idkin, the aforementioned parasite! Now, I don't know how much of an idkin I was, in all honesty, as I have conflicting memories. But to an extent I know I was one of these bad boys.

-Blitzen. The Santa reindeer. I don't know how. I don't know why. But apparently that was me at some point. I truly cannot wait for what December will be like for me.

-CraftyCorn (Smiling Critters), specifically fictionhearted. I dunno, something about her speaks to me.

-Miscellaneous "iterations" of myself. I believe my kintypes (with the exception of Blitzen) to be various iterations of (Villain) Heart, myself included, and us all being the same entity albeit different AUs of one another. I know there's also a dystopian version of myself, a "furry" version of myself, and a "canon-accurate" version of myself too!

-And a whooooooooole bunch of synpaths! Shall we go down the list?

• Ffionn Fox (Still Here)

• The Vinki (Rain World - Modded)

• The Mangle (FNaF)

• Beelzebub (Helluva Boss) (I do not support Vivziepop nor am I fond of her shows) (you're ok to interact if you are though :))

• Mackenzie (Bluey)

• victim (Animator Vs. Animation - Fanon)

• Fink (OK K.O!)

• Simon (The Mind Electric)

• Barry Noceda (Ferngully: The Last Rainforest)

• SCP-682 (SCP)

• Puss in Boots (Shrek)

•Pink Pearl (Steven Universe)

Requests!!!

I bet that's what some of you are only here for, eh? No worries, I get it. I'm the same way.

I take:

-Fashion kit requests

-Moodboard requests

-Care kit requests

-Pokémon team requests

-And tips for species euphoria!!!

Rules:

-Rushing me does not make me go faster. Spam me and you're not getting anything, m'ny'alright?

-If the source is not listed down here, just ask! I'll let you know if I'm down for it. :)

-Be EXTREMELY specific. I do NOT work well with vague instructions and it is not my fault if you get disappointed. If you want a fashion kit, specify the clothes you like. If you want a moodboard, specify the themes and colours. If you want a Pokémon team, specify what kinds of Pokémon you do and don't want. If you want a care kit, tell me what you like and what you're looking for. BE. SPECIFIC. I don't want to disappoint you! And if you ask for a "surprise me" then that's on you. /lh

-If your name is Dakota and you ship siblings together and continuously defend com-shipping to people who are triggered by it that you're well-aware of then you are not allowed here. Bye-bye. Shoo. You've ruined my life enough. Toodaloo. Sayonara. I wrote your name on the door just so you know which one's the exit and I can remember you're gone every time I look at it.

-I will not do anything with saliva or with weed. Just a personal preference.

-I will deny whatever makes me uncomfortable, I apologise if this is inconvenient! I'll try my best but sometimes I just can't handle things. Please don't get upset, there are countless other kin blogs you can go to!

-Please do not specify personal information in the asks! This is just a given, but still.

-Tell me your kintype and the full name of the media alongside it! I don't wanna get confused yk.

Things I am best at:

-Therianthropy

-Otherkin

-Conceptkin

-Elementkin

-Divinekin

-Spacekin

-Rain World

-Animator Vs. Animation

-FNaF (pre-Help Wanted)

-Centaurworld

-Dream SMP

-OK K.O!

-Octonauts

-Gravity Falls

-Pokémon (as in, da creatures)

-Happy Tree Friends

-Undertale (+ Sans AUs)

-Hollow Knight

-BoJack Horseman

-Skylanders

-Tuca & Bertie

-Inside Out

-World of None

-Hateful Wonderland/Still Here (I HIGHLY doubt there's any people who even still know about this but… the offer's there)

-Poppy Playtime (especially the Smiling Critters!)

-SCP

-Tattletail

-Hazbin Hotel (well-versed but not a big fan)

-Helluva Boss (well-versed but not a big fan)

-FNaC

-Popgoes

-ONaF

-Countryhumans

-Eddsworld

-TADC (not HUGE into it but well-versed)

-Summer Camp Island

-Polandball

-Plague Inc.

-Generation Loss

-Dungeons & Dragons (either canon stuff or a D&D player character)

-Spy vs. Spy

Things I am not too well-versed in but would love to do:

-Niche media (ESPECIALLY webseries/webcomics gimme gimme I have so much I need to get into)

-Warriors

-Digimon

-Tally Hall (I've listened to the entirety of MMMM, G&E, HP:II, JHJH, and have been hyperfixated at one point but anything outside of that realm I'm gonna need to research)

-Stray

-Cuphead

-Bendy and the Ink Machine

-Wings of Fire

-Portal, Portal Two, + Portal Mods

-Villainous

-Steven Universe

-Teen Titans

-Over the Garden Wall

-Craig of the Creek

-Bee and Puppycat

-Star Vs. The Forces of Evil

-Amphibia

-The Owl House

Things I'm not as good at (but can still do! Just need research):

-Placekin

-Objectkin

-Live action shows

-Movies

-Pokémon Trainers

-QSMP

-HermitCraft

-Aphmau

-Object shows (with the exception of BFB and Love of the S*n. Pretty confident I can do those ones.)

-FNaF (post-Help Wanted)

-Book series

-SparkleCare Hospital

-Don't Hug Me I'm Scared

-Popee the Performer

-Henry Stickmin

-Roblox games/myths (Dandy's World, Phighting, Pressure, etc.)

-OCkin (you'll have to be as specific as possible)

-The Sun and Moon Show

-Kirby

-Dragon Prince

-She-Ra (the OG and the reboot)

-FNaF: Security Breach

-KinitoPet

Things I'm iffy on (and probably won't do):

-Basically every anime

-Team Fortress

-Resident Evil

-Vocaloid

-Project Sekai

-Honkai Star Rail

-BlueyCapsules FNaF AU

-Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium (straight-up won't do Heartkins)

Things I WON'T do (and you shouldn't ask):

-Mias World (absolutely not.)

-Cookie Run Kingdom

-Ace Attourney

-Unicorn Wars

-Sam and Max

-Media that promotes problematic content (not media by problematic creators, specifically media that supports it)

-Dramatical Murder

-Your Boyfriend

-The Coffin of Andy and LeyLey

-Doll Eye

-Danganronpa

Anywho, enjoy your stay. :3333

#kin help #kin blog #fictionkin #alterhuman #otherkin #fashion kit #care kit #kin help blog #kin request

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beecreeper · 3 months ago

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🏆🎷🎺🔱🔔 for all the fellas :>

Sorry for the last response! 🔔 And 🎺 answered in a previous post, the rest under the cut!

🏆 (trophy) – What accomplishment is your oc proudest of? Why?

This one was reaaaaaally hard to answer for some reason seriously this took me two days to think about

Because, I mean, it really depends on where they are in their timeline. So instead of giving you a detailed top answer, I’ll give you a sort of flyover highlight reel.

Briar – killing her druid circle in Bhaal’s name (also one of the things she feels worst about but don’t tell her that), pulling off the crown heist, successfully manipulating Bane’s Chosen to be under her thumb (yup she’s 100% in control of that relationship and definitely isn’t getting affected by it herself hahaha), making SO many people kill themselves in the shadow lands seriously that was so funny, being Bhaal’s perfect chosen princess and taking over the world

Ferox – taking his oath and resisting his urges (you know. while that lasted.) uuuuuuuh didn’t feel proud of a single thing for his entire Bhaalist era. Post-tadpole we got resisting Bhaal, taking his new oath, learning swordplay, and so on.

Molli – Mastering an exceptionally hard piece on her concertina, getting a gig at a *real* tavern in a big city like Baldur’s Gate (not like the piddly little tavern back in her hometown), being decent enough at playing that Gortash lets her keep doing it. Sometimes. When she earns it. Saving Mirkon from the Harpies. Breaking the Shadow Curse. Surviving years in Avernus fighting alongside her wife.

🎷 (saxophone) – How charismatic is your character? If they have high charisma, what do they use it for? If they’re not charismatic, how does that affect their life?

Briar has crazy high charisma (though it does takes a hit post-tadpole) She’s particularly good at lying and persuasion. She's charismatic like Regina George is charismatic. Like, everyone KNOWS she’s a mean bitch (unless she’s actively putting on a mask and specifically trying to fool someone). No one is under delusions that they’re a nice and likeable person, but they have cult of personality regardless.

Ferox’s charisma is gaaaarbage. He has NO idea how to express himself and is generally pretty bad with words. He also has half orc prejudice working against him, so most people perceive him as being brutish at worst and kinda dim at best.

Molli’s charisma is… mixed? Like, she has better surface level charisma than she does interpersonal charisma (her interpersonal interactions are also hampered by really low wisdom/insight). Performance proficiency but NOT persuasion, you know?

🔱 (trident) – Is there anything your character would kill for? Why or why not?

Pffffffffff the better question for Briar is if there is something she *wouldn’t* kill for. She wholly embraces her urge and lets impulse kills run rampant throughout her peak Bhaalist years. She only refrains from killing if it would be immediately inconvenient. And even then. Like, she can see how keeping Gortash alive *for now* will result in her being able to conduct even broader slaughter in her father’s name so she restrains herself. Post-tadpole, her priorities are TADPOLE OUT first and indulge murder impulses second, so she abstains from killing anyone that would be useful in pursuit of goal number one (the companions, for instance). She’s able to get more than enough to slate her bloodlust in the course of adventuring that she doesn’t *need* to kill her companions. Yet. Eventually. She’ll see how it goes.

Ferox. Well it’s complicated for him (as many things are). Obviously the urge is there, making him split throughout almost his entire life. Part of him *wants* to kill. For any reason. For no reason. Indiscriminate slaughter. And part of him haaaates that. But that also doesn’t mean that the non-urge part of him doesn’t find reasons to kill either. For duty, to follow orders (goblin era). For noble reasons, to try to help people (Myrala era). For nihilism, “every one of us is doomed me especially” (Bhaalist era). And then post tadpole he’s gotta sort out all that tangled motivation spaghetti in his ruined brain.

Molli is pretty obviously the most reluctant of the three to kill but that borderline gets crossed FAST on the naultiloid. Self preservation and fear can do a lot, especially when you can suddenly shoot eldritch magic out of your fingers. The ordeal with the goblins also makes it clear pretty quickly that this is something she *has* to do. There are people out here actively try to kill her and a BUNCH of other people. And since she actually HAS

#durge briar #durge ferox #tav molli

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danthropologie · 2 years ago

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My delusions are so strong that even in the face of the weirdness today (the streaming bait and switch, Helmut super talking up Checo, all of a sudden the reserve driver hierarchy getting “cleared up” by the big Red Bull News twitter to clarify it’s everyone and their mom before Daniel) I’m like hmmm what are they overcompensating for like what’s the sudden need? and thinking of the race service guy saying “stoked to see my friend stoked 🫠” as something bigger than just shooting an ad together maybe…….like reality is punching me in the face and I’m still like this is all part of Daniel’s Secret Plan.

no but here's the thing: australia is right on the horizon!! even if the daniel girlies are the only ones REALLY talking about or buying into the daniel back to red bull agenda right now, once that first race comes where he's back in the paddock and capturing the hearts and minds of every single person in the f1 sphere, EVERYONE's gonna be talking about him and EVERYONE's gonna be speculating about what his path forward in the sport is. so by rbr / helmut / christian / whoever hyping up checo and shutting down the idea of daniel getting that seat anytime soon now, i think they're hoping that they'll stave off a little bit of that speculation.

because at the same time, i think they're in a position right now where they NEED checo happy and performing with the team through, at very least, the rest of the season. i can't imagine letting speculation about daniel taking his seat run rampant would help with that so!! if they need to say some shit about how great he is and how well he's doing with the team or how his seat is Definitely Not Open, especially to daniel ricciardo, in order to placate him and his team, then they're gonna do what they need to do!!

#and at the same time i think it maybe also benefits daniel if there's something in his mclaren payout clause #saying that he can't compete against / have a full time seat / etc for a full year after 🤷‍♀️#red bull redux #answered #anonymous

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thenewscenemomuppetjokerfan · 4 months ago

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A magical, dreamlike,

Fantastical story

Is infecting the world around

Running delightfully rampant

Wait, I’ve never heard of such a thing!

Fundamentally painful abnormal behavior

Holding back an amount of delusion that won’t wither

An instinctively deep destructive impulse

A definite granularity is illuminated

Come on, let’s take a match to

The fuse of love

"It’s the normal condition around here"

Now,

Beat it into

Your brain cells

That there are “so many things you don’t understand”

Cunning, cruel

Don’t laugh.

You’re always, always

Just deceiving me!

I don’t need it, I don’t know

Don’t try to sweet-talk me!

An unspoken, unfading imagining

“Compulsive love mutilation!”

A magical, dreamlike,

Fantastical story

Is infecting the world! Running unpleasantly rampant!

Wait, have you never heard of such a thing, darling?

Better love, an erroneous plot twist

But isn’t that just boring…?

Cut it out

Rip it out

“Love is a sucker punch to the face!”

Fundamentally unpleasant abnormal behavior

Holding back a maddening amount of information

An overwhelmingly faint maternal instinct

A starved servile nature is revealed

Come on, let’s take a match to the fuse of love

Is it ardente inside your head?

Now, pour it into

Your living cells that there are “so many things you can’t endure”

A cold connection.

Don’t play games with me.

You’re always, always

Just insinuating things!

A clumsy question.

Don’t screw with me.

An unspoken, unfading imagining

“Love is an ice pick into the eye!”

I hate this person

Just because the persons I like hates them

I’ve been playing the total good girl all my life

And I don’t want to stop

Going along with a crazy future

My resistance has ended

Better to just keep your eyes closed

Cutting refreshment, eating destruction

Knowing regret, the desired victory

Joining hands, joining places

The fantastical commotion

Infects our brains! Progresses dangerously!

Wait, have you never heard of such a thing, darling?

Better love, an erroneous plot twist

But isn’t that just boring…?

"Crush it underfoot, burn it into yourself"

A melting trigeminal nerve

A fragile crowd instinct

With a crumbling affection before you,

“It’s a love revolution in the brain!”

#vent post #mittenz' melodiez

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childofthewolvess · 5 months ago

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Don’t worry! This post caused me to explain myself every day for almost two weeks. I definitely have had reblogs, comments, and asks in the double digits defending a deadly medical condition. Or straight up calling me ableist for spreading mental health awareness about psychosis. I will repeat: I am federally disabled and have a service dog. Please dear lord stop calling me ableist. I just laugh at you. It doesn’t do anything to me, I promise.

As a friendly reminder, I am a psychosis survivor. Not only am I psychosis survivor, but I survived religious/spiritual psychosis that I slipped into from the twin flame/Divine Feminine pipeline. Nothing you threaten me with or say about psychosis will change my opinion on how dangerous this problem is in our communities. I’ve had a first-hand account of how a simple belief turned into one of the most detrimental and traumatizing experiences I’ve had. If we actually want to be taken seriously as pagans, we absolutely need to be aware of the rampant spread and promotion of psychosis in this community. The ONLY way to do that is to elevate the voices of those who have suffered from spiritual psychosis. Listen to the survivors and those with the condition. We can tell you - it’s not some cute delusion that’s helping you escape the world. It’s a deadly medical condition that disguises itself as harmless delusion until escapism becomes suicidal tendencies. In any spiritual or religious practice, you MUST be grounded and knowledgeable about what you’re getting into.

And the biggest way you can be aware is knowing the symptoms of psychosis to recognize its onset in yourself and treat it before it worsens.

All the backlash I’ve received is not only deeply concerning, but saddening to know how truly rampant the problem is, let alone the amount of misinformation out there.

Do better, pagans and witches!

May Apollo bless all those who have had a run-in with psychosis with healing energy and care.

No matter what kind of spirituality or faith you practice, you should be educated on spiritual psychosis and how to recognize its signs. The more awareness we spread about this, the less harm over time to religious communities across the globe. Learning about spiritual psychosis saves lives.

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elminx · 3 years ago

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Energy Update: Jupiter in Pisces, May 2021

I'm catching up on some of the astrology from last week - Jupiter, our planet of expansion, entered Pisces late Thursday afternoon. We will likely be feeling this strongly through this next week and then this increase in Piscean energy is likely to fade into the background noise that all of our current astrology is creating. There are two things to note about this brief Jupiter transit. Firstly, Jupiter is already in its shadow which means that it is preparing to retrograde during the months ahead. As such we are likely to touch on some of the more shadowy elements of Jupiter in Pisces energy during this time. Jupiter will retrograde back out of Pisces and into Aquarius again on 7/28 where it will remain for the rest of this year. All that glitters may not be gold at this time. This isn't to say that all that glitters isn't worth it - it's just a reminder that Piscean energy is prone to illusion and as this Jupiter retrograde cycle intensifies, you may need to take off your rose-colored glasses about a few things. The second thing is that Pisces is the last sign in the horoscope wheel and it tends to incorporate a lot - perhaps even all - of the energy of the 11 signs before it. Like the primordial waters in which the fishes swim, all aspects of life can be highlighted when Piscean energy is at the forefront as it will be through this week (you may feel it longer if you have a strong Piscean element in your chart). Think highest highs and lowest lows. The waters of Pisces flow in all directions and it takes a very strong will to direct them. It also takes a huge amount of getting out of your own way and trust - something that is understandable very hard for most people. I really think that this tweet by Page Turner encapsulates a lot of the Piscean experience. Pisces, as one of the dual signs, is represented as two fish swimming in opposite directions. One fish is swimming towards the shallow waters - aka the self, and the ego. The other fish is swimming towards the deep waters - aka the unconscious, the collective consciousness even. It can be difficult to master both directions and Piscean people, in particular, may have trouble finding themselves stuck on one end of that equation. Piscean energy comes with big uncontained emotions - they can move too fast to grasp on to, let alone quantify. In the shallow waters, this can lead to a lot of emotional dumping and emotional manipulation. Remember it is always okay to have your emotions - it's what you do with them that matters. Watch out over this week for situations where you are trying to force somebody to feel what you are feeling or trying to get others to make decisions based upon your feelings. (This is further accentuated by Mars in Cancer - a true watery double whammy - now is a very good time to remember to ASK before sharing your emotions with others) Fear may be a rampant emotion because Piscean energy will add to our feeling of instability among the moments of change that we all have to go through right now. On the deep end of the Piscean waters, you sometimes find people who are so concerned with being a part of the collective consciousness that they forget to think for themselves. Pisces can show up as both martyrdom and savior complexes. (And yes, if you've gone that far, you've probably come back around to the shallow waters again, but I digress). You often also find Pisces natives lost in relationships - completely devoid of boundaries between themselves and their others. At its best, Jupiter in Pisces can create a very real and tangible sense of universality. Needs of the whole - every human on this planet - fuck it, every creature on this planet - can rise to the forefront. The problem is that often when the ego steps in, it becomes "my needs" with the delusion that everybody else must either share them or not matter as much. As I mentioned, we are in our yearly Jupiter retrograde cycle now which means that we are going to transverse these first degrees of Pisces three times: first now in its

pre-shadow, then as it retrogrades back in July, and then again when it finally moves forward more permanently. This shows that we need to do some work around Jupiter in Pisces themes - need to become more aware of how our actions affect others, both our immediate others and the others all around us - the collective Other. I have already seen the beginnings of this coming to the forefront in the world this week. The head of the WHO chiding us, as Americans, for hoarding the vaccines and giving them to low threat targets instead of giving them to the world is a great example of the type of themes we are likely to see arise on the global stage. Apply to your personal lives as you see fit. Jupiter is a transitional planet - not as personal as our inner planets but still quite relevant to our lives and how we think and feel. It's worth spending some time to think about where you fall on the Piscean scale - we all have Pisces in somewhere in our natal charts (in a house even if we have no planets there). We will have to revisit this energy three times which gives us all a great opportunity to really pay attention and make revisions around these themes of universality, self, and other. What to watch out for: standard water things. Pay attention to numbing behavior (especially drugs and extra especially drinking). Pay attention to emotional dysregulation and projection. Watch your known shadow behaviors. Watch out for aggrandizing - thinking that you are more special/more deserving/more talented. And, on the other side of things, watch out for either claiming Savior or Victim status - both are signs that you aren't balancing Piscean energy very well and may need to take a step back and reevaluate. If Piscean energy feels like too much for you - try to balance it with earthy Virgo activities. If you feel really out of focus this week, try making yourself a list of what you need to do (Virgos love lists). Physical activity - anything that moves your body whether running, yoga, dancing, etc. - can really help to release any pent-up emotions. If cleaning makes you feel centered, this is a really good week to make a mess and then clean it up. Though this energy may fade quickly at this moment, it is going to come back around for review again in June-July-August and later in the year.

Do you like my work? Please consider supporting me by Buying Me A Ko-Fi.

#witchblr #words #mine #astrology #energy update #2021 #May 2021 #Jupiter #Jupiter retrograde #Jupiter retrograde cycles #Pisces #Jupiter in Pisces #healing through astrology #transits #astrology transits

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the-navistar-carol · 5 years ago

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A Daminette songfic — ‘Invisible Thread’ by Matt Gould

From the marvelous Maribat AU of @ozmav, @maribat-archive where u at

Inspired by the Maribat Discord :))

Everyone had a soulmate. A black mark where they would first touch. Once the two did, the mark would blossom with color.

People would go for years with black marks on their knuckles, thinking it was from a punch, and then have their knuckles brush someone on the subway and voilá, their mark would change.

Some were more obvious, a handprint over their own (a high-five), a hand on their arm, or even one directly across their face.

~~~

Marinette Dupain-Cheng had no such obvious case. Her handprint was directly over her fingers of her right hand, as though someone had shook her hand (but only her fingers). Without a doubt, it confused her.

Once she became Ladybug, she met Chat Noir. Upon their first meeting, he took her hand directly over her soulmate mark and attempted to kiss her hand, but she had pushed him away. After the akuma attack, she had detransformed in a panic to check her hand, and in relief, found her hand was still uncolored.

The mark was still black.

It worried her, then, after her crush on Adrien started, that he did not turn her mark colors either.

So who was it?

Not like she’d ever meet who it was.

There is a long invisible thread

That wraps around my heart

And wraps around your head

Damian Wayne had an odd soulmate mark that was, thankfully, easy to hide via gloves. The black silhouettes of fingers in his right hand confused him, so he gave it little thought. Who even shakes hands like that?

During his training both with Ra’s al Ghul and the Robins, none of the ways anybody had touched his hand had made the mark change, thankfully. Soulmates were a nasty business, anyway. They were almost expected to drop everything upon meeting. Dumb.

Not that he cared who it was.

It tightens its grip

When things go unsaid

And I can't break free

Lila, upon her return to Ms. Bustier’s class, had successfully turned the class against Marinette. She made good on her promise, but allowed Marinette to keep her spot as class president — only useful when she was needed, of course, and expected to drop everything for them without looking for anything in return.

She was effectively that one tool in a closet that only was picked up when needed, and discarded as soon as she had lost her use.

She couldn’t reverse the way things had gone. If only.

Let go, let me

Little boy, break free

Leave him out on his own

Let him find his way home

When Damian had become the next Robin, he had fought many people under the mask. But his black marks underneath his gauntlets never changed, even when he met new people at charity galas and shook hands.

Clearly, his soulmate wasn’t anybody he was going to meet anytime soon.

Not that it bothered him anyway. It did.

Can't take all this pain on his shoulders

Only weighs you all down when you're older

Chat Noir had come up to her, demanding she stop pretending. Pretending that they weren’t soulmates, that they weren’t in love, that they didn’t make a good couple.

He deserved her, he had yelled. He had been nothing but loyal, hadn’t he? A good cat? So, as a reward, he deserved her love. Her lips, her hands, her body.

He didn’t. And she told him so, exploding at him atop a roof despite the paparazzi growing below.

They made sure to catch his outburst, too. It served him right.

He treated the fame of being a superhero like a game. It was only fair that he dealt with the consequences.

Let them take their pictures.

Let him run, let him fly

If you love him, then don't cry tonight

Let him learn all he can

The cameras at Wayne galas and other nonsense never bothered him. They would be pointed at him anyway, so what difference did it make if he paid attention?

Flashes of white lights were only peripheral at this point, the snaps of shutters something to be tuned out.

The tabloids would run rampant anyway. Whether it was Grayson or Todd or Drake making the headlines with their antics, he would be shoved in there anyway.

Let them take their pictures.

So when he comes home to you

He'll be a better man

When she had proposed a class outing, the class had suggested many things, but Lila had thought of karaoke, so that was that. Of course, it was all up to her to plan the outing, raise funds, and reserve places.

She had asked the class to help her out, but Lila had oh-so-innocently wondered that since her family ran a bakery, couldn’t they just maybe give a few away to help their daughter raise the money?

Never mind the fact that they would be losing money. Never mind the fact that it would stress her out more than necessary. Never mind the fact that no one person should have to run their entire outing by herself.

But Marinette was their everyday Ladybug. That should be enough to cover any problem.

But they were looking for a miraculous cure. Who in the world had one for these situations?

Certainly not her.

There is a long invisible thread

That wraps around my heart

And wraps around your head

When Damian heard that his brothers and Father were going to Paris, his original thought was one of disgust. Of course, he spoke French. But any Romance language or country made him want to vomit. Latin lovers? Please. But France, the country dubbed one of love? Absolutely not.

But it was for a League reason, something to do with a supervillain with magic butterflies. It probably wasn’t even real.

But Paris meant his brothers teasing him about love, which infuriated him to no end. Who cared if he met someone the universe deemed his match?

Certainly not him.

It tightens its grip

When things go unsaid

And I can't break free

She had the dates figured out, triple-checked with her classmates to make sure it all worked together. Thankfully, the class had agreed to help fundraise for once. A small relief in the grand scheme of things.

Patrols now were such a chore. Where she had once enjoyed swinging through Paris’s streets with only her yo-yo to hold her up and the wind teasing through her hair, there was now a demanding Chat Noir, proclaiming her as his soulmate and he should be treated as such.

Akuma fights took so much longer and so much out of her now. Chat would watch from the sidelines, taunting her with the fact that he would join in from now on if she only gave up the delusions that they weren’t meant to be.

The gauntleted fist in his stomach was so worth it.

Sadly, it hadn’t come from her.

Lord above, can you hear my prayers

If you know the answer, then make me aware

How to still love him and how to still care

And how to stay strong when I want to be over there

Upon his first investigation in Paris, he had come across an akuma victim. It wasn’t hard to find, actually, as it left a trail of destruction in its wake.

Apparently, Paris already had two superheroes clad in Spandex, Ladybug and Chat Noir. Any information he had found on the latter was increasingly negative, if videos on the Ladyblog (God, that was a dumb name) were to be believed.

The first encounter he had had with the duo was subpar. Far, far below the bar.

The increasingly negative press on Chat Noir was completely accurate. Which was why he’d immediately punched him in the gut and gone up against the akuma, giving Ladybug a chance to rest.

“The akuma?”

She started, surprised that he would know of those. “The locket! It’s on her bracelet—”

Smash.

“Bye-bye, little butterfly.”

He shook hands with Ladybug, introduced himself as Robin, and updated her that the Justice League was looking into the Hawkmoth problem.

It had felt good to punch that brat of a cat. He had a feeling Ladybug would have enjoyed it more.

Sadly, it hadn’t come from her.

Do I run, do I fly?

How can I love him and keep my eyes dry

Do I learn all I can

The next day left Marinette in shock as she prepared for the karaoke night with her class. In all honesty, she would probably be left alone. Again.

But when she showed up, they initially welcomed her, to her pleasant surprise. But it couldn’t last. As soon as she had gone to the bathroom, they had gone into the room and not told her the number.

So she was left in the main room, pathetically sitting at a table by the stage, twirling a microphone she’d nicked from the stands.

Not like she could sing with anyone.

So when he comes home

I'll be a better man

Grayson had had the marvelous idea to go to a karaoke place. Abhorable. Not like he would even sing. The entire idea was dumb. Incredibly dumb. Who, in their right mind, would go and sing in front of people completely sober? (Not like he could drink legally, anyway.)

But when he got there, it was a bit more welcoming. All the rooms were taken, they were told, so there was only a communal stage left. No matter, Grayson grinned, and led them toward the main room. There were already a number of people there, taking turns on the stage.

He sat back in his chair, and prepared to sit back and enjoy the view.

Not like he would sing with anyone.

There is a long invisible thread

That wraps around my heart

And wraps around your head

A number of people went by before she did, and when she got up there, she selected a song that would usually be considered a duet, shrugging that she would sing it herself.

What she hadn’t expected was for a trio of black-haired boys to practically drag a fourth over to the stage, hand him a microphone, and place him next to her with positively wicked grins.

He looked like he wanted to leave. Marinette offered him a sympathetic half-smile. “That’s okay, you don’t have to—”

“It’s fine.” His voice was tinged with visible reluctance, but he took the microphone from its stand. “Just sing.” He was cute, she admitted, but would probably forget her after the night.

So she did.

It tightens its grip

When things go unsaid

And I can't break free

Dumb karaoke. Dumb brothers. Dumb Father, for bringing him to Paris. And it didn’t help that the girl hid certain mortification. But he wasn’t going to back down and show weakness to his brothers. “Just sing.” And get this over with.

When she began to sing, it sent a jolt through his body. She didn’t even need to read the lyrics, voice something that could only be described as melodic. Hell, she sounded better than some professionals.

After the first verse or so, she nervously glanced at him, as if making sure he was still there and hadn’t taken off into the night. Damian shrugged in response, waiting for his turn.

It came up, and he gave his voice to the music. Grayson was definitely recording.

The girl at his side, a pretty black-haired girl who couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds, flinched as though she had been shocked. His singing wasn’t that bad, he groused, but kept at it anyway.

His brothers had pushed him up there as a challenge, taunting him to do it.

So he did.

There is a long invisible thread

That wraps around my heart

And wraps around your head

Wow, she mused. Cute and a good voice. When she added his voice to hers in the first true duet part, their singing harmonized into something truly remarkable. Is this even my voice?

In a sudden burst of courage, she spun, pleated skirt adding to the movement.

Her classmates started to trickle out of their room, as if wondering who was singing. She could see Rose, Juleka, Alya, and the courage vanished in a heartbeat.

Oh no.

It tightens its grip

When things go unsaid

And I can't break free

Suddenly, the girl next to him spun, a giddy smile beginning to form. Somehow, he was beginning to enjoy this, too. Curses. Maybe he had been drugged.

But her spin stopped, voice faltering, and he quickly followed her gaze. A group of teenagers had exited one of the rooms, looking up to the stage, no doubt causing her to waver.

So he took her hand and spun her, certainly not missing the way her face lit up in a dazzling smile.

As soon as he released her hand, she took it again and spun him. A laugh nearly bubbled up (yeah, he had to be drugged). She was half a foot shorter, and yet she did it anyway.

Those people who had made her hesitate wouldn’t ruin her night, at least.

Not if he had anything to say about it.

Oh, no.

There is a long invisible thread

That wraps around my heart

And wraps around your head

A burst of warmth blossomed in her right hand as she danced with the stranger, voice strengthening by the note. Marinette met his jade-green eyes with a smile, left hand clutching the microphone.

For tonight, at least, maybe she could forget about her classmates and Lila and Chat Noir.

Hopefully it would last.

It tightens its grip

When things go unsaid

Her enthusiasm had returned, Damian noted, and her excitement was definitely leeching into him, too. His right hand was warm, but he chalked it up to her hand. He didn’t sweat, at least not in a karaoke bar.

For this song, at least, maybe he could ignore his brothers’ antics and the seriousness of the League.

He knew it wouldn’t last.

And I can't break free

As the song died out, Marinette dropped his hand, the movement causing her to catch her breath. Oh God.

Her soulmate mark had changed. From the blackest black, it was colored in a beautiful blend of red, green, and gold.

It’s him.

And I can't break free

He didn’t miss her gasp, glancing back to catch her reaction as she stared at her right hand — now colored in reds, greens, and golds. His colors.

He didn’t miss a beat to check his own right hand, eyes only widening as he found the mark swirled in blues, pinks, and silvers.

It’s her.

And I can't break free

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rethesun · 3 years ago

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Is there a name for middle lane larries?

Topic: An opinion on larry

I think there is substantial compelling evidence, but I'm not 100% convinced that there is still something but it’s possible there is we just don’t see.

If someone calls me a larrie, it's not insulting at all, but if someone were to call me an anti i’d be sad, honestly. Below I say many things that make it seem like I negatively judge hardcore larries, but I don't. I find it extraordinary that people can be so brave and sure of themselves, and I wish I could be too. I tend to get along with larries, while I mostly avoid antis unless they manage to be respectful, which is unfortunately quite rare.

I think it's practically effortless to get toxic when trying to prove or disprove things. I think it's dehumanizing and feels stressful to me as a fan. Therefore I can only imagine the difficulty and what it takes for people in a position of fame to get to a place of inner strength and resilience where the millions of opinions of the world don't affect them as much. It's sometimes hard to judge/differentiate what is and isn't disrespectful, and it hurts terribly to know I'm crossing boundaries. So I'm putting my opinion together in hopes it isn't as counterproductive or pointless as it feels.

I'm not at all trying to convince anyone of a narrative to sway people to believe or not believe. What and how much you know and where you "stand" is down to you.

Do I believe in larry?

First and foremost, being a fan of someone means supporting that person without expecting anything from them. It means any fan theory isn't crucial. What’s important is just supporting them as is, as an individual. It means caring about how the person may feel about things more than caring about how I feel about things that aren't my business in the first place.

That said, here is my not long-awaited opinion.

I think there is substantial compelling evidence, but I'm not 100% convinced that there is still something but it’s possible there is we just don’t see. I will not disregard what Harry and Louis said back in the day and pretend they had nothing when at the very least, Harry said it on video directly twice. Yes, he was a kid, but people will decide Harry is with a skinny blonde woman older than him for much less, so I don't take what he said as a platonic joke. However, I try to be as realistic as possible. As an outsider, it's not easy for my brain to conclude on most things. However, this doesn't mean I disregard how bad the industry can be. One big reason is that I don't know any of these people personally, and I want to believe in the best in others. Even though I understand controlling narratives in the industry happens and happened to 1D. I don't know to what extent. It's hard for me to judge that any or all of Harry's "relationships" are fake, and thus, he's had a few "stunt" songs for those relationships, etc. It’s plausible that he wrote female pronouns on a song or a few and the song refers to a man/men but that's far from saying this is a stunt song which would imply an entire fake relationship which is too far for me to say wasn't real as I am just an outsider.

Whether people say it's the fans who say it or the boys behavior, the statement, 'larries ruined their friendship,' is sometimes interpreted as centered around homophobia. I do not see it this way.

However, whether there was or is a relationship, it's entirely reasonable to consider, the circumstances as a whole hurt them and likely the rest of the band in multiple ways that made things really hard. I do not think fans ruined the band or their connections with each other. I think being overworked with little freedom or breaks to discover/express independence were just a few reasons why.

Why I think larry appeared to become distanced to the public eye: 1. Understandably, putting blame on the heteronormative gender restrictive times we were in and still are in. 2. How some fans react to Larry's interactions due to reason number one. Otherwise, all the 1D members, their families, and friends have been honest. That would mean there isn't an elaborate conspiracy; they are just tired of people messing with who they care about and want to live without the harassment. Regardless of whether some fan theories are accurate or not, people in the spotlight and their families deserve peace of mind. They don't deserve to be dehumanized. I wish some fans would understand how wrong it is to swarm people or ask strangers to confirm any personal things. Not only because it's rude and invasive but because of mental health. If that's confusing, imagine if it were you in their position.

I used Zayn's interview because he shared it eloquently while the other mentions that ‘Larry isn't real’ were mostly screen captures of constituents replying impatiently to larry comments on social media saying the Larry thing is delusion and not what real fans do. Zayn in this 2015 fader interview. "There's no secret relationships going on with any of the band members," he explains. "It's not funny, and it still continues to be quite hard for them. They won't naturally go put their arm around each other because they're conscious of this thing that's going on, which is not even true. They won't do the natural behavior." He goes on to add to the statement, "But it's just the way the fans are. They're so passionate, and once they get their head around an idea, that's the way it is regardless of anything. If it wasn't for the passionate, like almost obsession, then we wouldn't have the success that we have." Before the subject changes, Zayn said that fans would find a way to water down what he said and make any excuses, e.g., that he couldn't speak the truth.

I can't speak for anyone but myself. (I’m a queer cis female) I don't think I would want to 'get dragged through a round of 'coming out' press. Why should sexuality be treated as an oddity by the median, and why should queer people have to subject themselves to that treatment?' The amount of coming out stories and things that could follow a person, or the people around, in the aftermath, would be atrocious. People, personally and professionally, may treat you differently after. The queer stereotypes would be exhausting. Also, it's not always as safe sometimes to be out. Whether there was/is a relationship at all between 1D members. “Being open to everyone isn't easy. Now imagine yourself no less human than right now, but add millions of eyes on you. It's insensitive to assume about someone when they could be doing their best/what is comfortable—please let's stop invalidating what we don't understand.”

Zayn's career connects to Hollywood, and he’s in the spotlight so it's not easy to suddenly believe everything I hear and see is the truth just because someone like him said it. However, at the same time, it's rather discomforting for me to disregard and look into everything people like Zayn or his constituents say. I want to believe the best in people and sympathize and “back him up” in a sense. It's also way to hard to believe all things other fans say because we are passionate and obsessed, so there is confirmation bias.

Do I concretely believe anything?

Yes, but those things don't directly confirm or deny anything especially Larry.

I believe the boys were responsible for RBB & SBB.

I have some reason to believe the song Carolina could be about experimentation with drugs since Johnny Cash's Cocaine-Carolina song is plausibly similar. Also, it's not uncommon if you're wealthy or famous to experiment with drugs, including harmful drugs; the environment can make it more accessible and normalized. I don't condone drug abuse; I hope Harry is wise enough not to make it a reoccurring thing. I want him naturally happy and healthy, but it's not my life, and I don't know him to have any right in making that call. I trust from Harry's character and what he said in his Zane Lowe interview that he knows better. However, the song Carolina might be about Townes or maybe it's both, I have no clue.

I believe SOTT is about "fundamentals" like Harry said it is, not just from the perspective of 'a mother telling the child to go forth and conquer.' I notice some people readily look over the childbirth story, saying 'it makes no sense,' but it can easily coincide with fundamentals, "Equal rights for everyone, all races sexes, everything." Check out this in depth lyric analysis?

I think most of us know and support that Harry is a proud member of the community. If he wasn’t he’d just say that.

I think maybe COAC and SOTT may have been collaborative. There are multiple writers on both songs and if it’s possible to have a ghost writer then I say it's plausible they chose to write them similarly.

I think Louis possibly queer codes. Straight people don’t queer code so you might think it’s queer baiting but I don’t think someone sick of gay rumors would go that route. Either that, or he's a passionate and sympathetic ally.

However, Louis is still "with" E. From a perspective of committed fans, it doesn't look like a sincere relationship. As an outsider, again, it feels far too presumptuous for me to have a B&W opinion.

It seems that adults with somewhat official platforms let rumors run rampant, and not many grown adults of the time seemed to correct or silence it. I should have said this early and cannot stress this enough, ANYONE who is not the Louis Tomlinson or in his family tree is in no way an official source. If they're acting like they know things (not just reporting on what's happening), they were/are either trolling or want people to freak out for clout. Being led astray by people looking to capitalize on fans is always a danger. It's insensitive, inappropriate, and unprofessional, but it happened. I am surprised by that and that 1D's management didn't try to protect Louis and his image more. I’m not an insider able to judge him negatively or to overanalyze the situation. So I won't assume he's not a dad, and I hope he's doing well.

(About the above paragraph about Louis this is an update after the original post I made to say I don't have a further developed opinion because I never looked into it and don't know if I will so don't hold that against me please I just personally don't feel like it’s a thing I need to do and I know larries don’t appreciate when non-larries make comments on things without thoroughly looking into things so you won’t see a further opinion from me or judgment unless I do actual research)

In conclusion, and to reiterate, I feel like there is some truth to some things. Again, it feels disrespectful or too presumptuous for me to have many opinions, especially of the negative kind, as an outsider. I don't know any of these people personally, and I want to believe in the best in others. I am not harshly judging things because I don't have a complete story or the right to. However, this doesn't mean I disregard how bad the industry can be to people in multiple ways.

As fans, we can do much better. It's not unreasonable to wish people didn't constantly objectify/sexualize people with fame and didn't harass them/their families about fan theories. Also, always wanting something from these people and expecting them to fulfill god-like expectations as if they don't go through the same human experience and aren't completely flawed like the rest of us, or stalking them—something sick and a behavior that's saddening and disgusting. Real fans just leave them be to live their lives. Please call out stalking and discourage it if you notice it. Overall, I think we can all be a bit more respectful and understanding or try to make an effort. I'm not a superfan, but I'd like to be genuine and not a reason why these people dislike being in the spotlight. I feel like that means being as grounded, realistic, and sensitive about how these people may feel about things more than caring about how I feel about things that aren't my business in the first place. It ultimately means any fan theory isn't crucial. What’s important is just supporting them as is, as individual.

[#’s are for exposure and may not correlate]

#larry #music industry #1d #fans #one direction #harry styles #liam payne #nial horan #zayn mailk #louis tomilson #an opinion on larry #rethesun #source: me

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cy-fi-theansweris42 · 4 years ago

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Auto Berserk Pt.2 (Electric Boogaloo)

Alright, here we go, back into the rambling!

Optimus my dude you’re making one heck of an assumption thinking Red’s hiding in the city. Sure, you’re right, but what if he had found a little cave to hang out in? A little hole in the ground? Secret entrance to your bunker hidden behind a bush SINCE APPARENTLY YOU HAVE THOSE.

Giant robot gets caught stealing a car, more news at 11.

Also just like, it’s not the giant robot that gets this dude, it’s the fact the giant robot turned into a car and drove off.

Ok, what I want to know is how the frick-fracking heck did Starscream know Red would drive down that alley and stop beside this building so he could be hidden and call Red inside and close the door just before the other Autobots drove down this very same alley? Starscream’s just got the power of plot convenience on his side, huh?

Ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this situation. I hate this situation so much, Starscream saw the entire situation with Red and the Autobots from earlier, he knows that right now Red doesn’t trust them, and he takes advantage of the situation and manipulated Red into helping him. Like he acts like he’s listening to Red and is like “yeah, I totally get it” and plays into Red’s delusions and encourages them to manipulate him and it’s just. It’s a gross situation. It really is.

Starscream why for the love of all that’s good in this world do you have lips here???

Ok, let’s talk about this bit.

So we’ve got Wheeljack and Smokescreen going out to look for Red (joke’s on them though since he’s currently sneaking into the bunker) and it’s just like…are they only having Wheeljack and Smokescreen going out to look? The two person team is a good idea since a large group would just go badly like earlier, but you still need more than just Wheeljack and Smokescreen, especially since Red’s at risk of having his circuits explode. Maybe I’m wrong and they have more Autobots out looking, but later on I’m pretty sure we see that the rest of the Autobots in this episode are still at the bunker, meaning Smokescreen and Wheeljack are the only ones looking for him. I get why they had to go back to the bunker and stop searching for Red for a moment, but then only sending 2 bots out to look for him again when he could literally die??? What the heck is up with that???

Anyways, it’s dumb and if it wasn’t for the fact Red snuck back in, he might have been toast. The Autobots really need to figure out a better way of dealing with this stuff.

Big, unstoppable machine that’ll atomize anyone caught in its path?

Wheeljack totally made the tunnel drone, lol.

Ok, let’s talk about this bit. Mostly, about how the Autobots haven’t learned anything from the last time they talked with Red. Optimus: Red, you need help. Hoist: Let me fix you. Yeah, because continuously saying that stuff worked so well the last time you talked with Red. Ok, yes, Red does need help, but at this moment and just like earlier, he doesn’t believe them. He’s firmly set in the belief that the Autobots are going to hurt him due to his paranoia running rampant without with logic chips working, so literally they could repeat what they’ve been saying all day long and it’s not going to convince him. To try and convince him that they just want to help like that would be like trying to convince someone that the sky is actually neon green just by saying that over and over again with the sky in full view, it’s just not going to work.

Now [cracks knuckles] let’s talk about this bit. Starscream was urging Red Alert to shoot at the Autobots, after all, he’s got the Negavator, he could do it now and they’d get away, but what Red does is he shoots the bridge. He shoots it and says “that was a warning! Stay away!” and you guys, he sounds so scared. Because that’s the thing here, this entire time, Red’s been scared. He believes that the other Autobots, his allies and potential friends, are going to hurt him if he lets them, so he’s been running, he’s helping steal the Negavator to prove to the Autobots that he’s “just as good as they are” because if he can prove that then they won’t want to get rid of him, right? He’s been scared this entire time, but even when he’s convinced that the others are going to hurt him and has the perfect opportunity to do something so they can’t hurt him, he doesn’t. He just fires a warning shot and tells them to stay away, yelling at them to keep their distance because he doesn’t want to hurt them. The only time Red did something potentially violent during this entire mess was when he shoved past Inferno and Hoist, and that was because he was backed into a corner and surrounded and felt like there was no other option. Despite everything that’s happened, despite how afraid he is, Red still doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

(Listen, I just have a lot of feelings about this, ok?)

Optimus. Optimus, my dude, my man, why the heck are you pointing your gun at Red when you’re trying to calm him down??? Someone, please, for the love of all that’s good in this world, please teach the Autobots how to handle mental health situations properly.

Honestly I’m starting to think that no one can see the Autobot and Decepticons logos unless it’s plot convenient. First we had Soundwave at the beginning just hanging out, and now we have Grapple, who’s Autobot insignia is in plain sight of the Decepticon right next to him, just hanging out until he can get the drop on them. Smh.

Honestly I have no idea how Starscream shooting Red with his Nullray literally fixed his logic chips but go off I guess, weirder things have happened. It could have just been a temporary thing too I guess, and then Red just got fixed up properly later, honestly who knows, this is never mentioned again, I’m pretty sure we only see Red once more in Blaster Blues, so who the heck knows.

Starscream’s just full out panicking because Red said he set the Negavator to self-destruct and while Megatron thinks he’s bluffing Starscream’s spent like the last few hours with Red so he’s just like “umm. You sure? You really sure because I’m not.”, lol.

I repeat, this is literally just the Red Alert Suffers Episode, F.

This next bit just seems a bit wonky to me? Like it feels forced. Red: Inferno, save yourself, I don’t deserve to be an Autobot. [Inferno catches some falling pipes from landing on Red] Red: Thanks! Inferno: What are friends for, Red? Considering the whole ordeal Red has been through, what he did when he couldn’t think clearly, I’m not surprised he’s feeling unworthy of being an Autobot. Like he’s been through a lot and it’s taken it’s toll on him, the guy’s seriously going to need a mental health day after this. But when Inferno saves him he’s just like “thanks! :D” and it just feels like a major flip from how he just was. To me, it would have made more sense if he said “why would you do that?”, which would have made more sense for him as well as allowing for Inferno to have the same response. That’s just me though.

I like the happy ending feel of the episode, don’t get me wrong because I do love a ending where everything works out in the end, but also this really isn’t the end of the events for Red. He still needs to recover, get checked over to make sure there isn’t any damage or anything, and then begin to process the events of the episode. He literally spent the majority of a day, if not two days (honestly who knows, it looks like the same time of day during the entire episode) dealing with the delusion that the other Autobots were out to get him and then being manipulated by a Decepticon during all of that. That’s not something you can just brush off and forget happened, so while I like how it looks like a happy ending, it’s not the end for Red, so I guess it’s just a little bitter-sweet for me.

Ok, that’s everything! Man, this became a very, very long post, lol. Honestly this is one of my favorite episodes and while it has its flaws and things it could have done better, I still love it.

#Transformers #Transformers G1 #Red Alert #Transformers Red Alert #Red Alert Rambling #Inferno #Transformers Inferno #Transformers Starscream #Starscream #Optimus Prime #Transformers Optimus Prime #Auto Berserk #Transformers Auto Berserk

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justaaverageeverydaynormalguy · 4 years ago

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Hello,

I know my page doesn't have that many followers and this probably won't reach quite as many people as I'd like it to but hopefully I'll feel a bit better by the end.

To give some background about me that I've never shared. I'm 28 years old guy in the United States, I love anime, art and learning new information. I'm a Sagittarius (if that means something to you) and I'm about 90% sure I have BPD (bi-polar depression). Now I say 'pretty sure' cause I've never been clinically diagnosed or anything. I have always had depression and anxiety but I never really noticed a clear shift from one mood to the next until recently.

Now I know there are cases where someone essentially makes up their symptoms because they feel that they exhibit said symptoms but I've had friends and family confirm most of these symptoms.

Mood: mood swings(✔), sadness(✔), elevated mood(✔), anger, anxiety(✔), apathy(✔), apprehension(✔), euphoria(✔), general discontent(✔), guilt(✔), hopelessness(✔), loss of interest or loss of pleasure in activities(✔✔)

Behavioral: irritability, risk taking behaviors, disorganized behavior(✔), aggression, agitation(✔), crying(✔), excess desire for sex(✔), hyperactivity, impulsivity(✔), restlessness(✔), or self-harm

Cognitive: unwanted thoughts(✔), delusion, lack of concentration(✔), racing thoughts(✔), slowness in activity(✔), or false belief of superiority

Psychological: depression(✔), manic episode(✔), agitated depression, or paranoia(✔)

Weight: weight gain or weight loss(✔)

Sleep: difficulty falling asleep or excess sleepiness(✔✔)

By far the most frustrating thing for me is the sheer number of symptoms that I can feel at one time. I have let most of the behavioral symptoms run rampant for a long time just attributing it to 'the way I am' or some other juvenile excuse to not blame myself for my choices and my actions.

To this day I deal with the impulsivity and the excessive desire for sex (hypersexuality) on a daily basis to the point where it affects my relationship. I have a constant desire for attention, not only personal but sexual attention. I've done a number of wrongs in my past to the people I love. Even through all of that time, it has taken me more than a decade to realize that I can do something about these things and I don't have to hate myself. I can be the man that the woman I love deserves and support her no matter what

I want anyone who comes across this and is in the same boat to remember that you won't get better over night and sometimes you are going to mess up, but you are always going to be stronger than you know and braver than you think.

Have a wonderful day you beautiful souls (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

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ladywindrunner · 5 years ago

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try + deathwing :')

try + (character) // accepting ::

D E A T H W I N G

He, who was the greatest of calamities, a triumph in destruction – found himself destroyed before his symphony of ruin was complete. Merciful oblivion took him in the throes of deserved agony, and that devastating torture that wracked his body finally ceased.

He’d been nothing but a plague of misery and ash, a pestilence of consuming fire and malevolence. In the quiet now, without distractions he could consider his failure properly. His memories, twisted as they were, played out before him and he saw how his pathetic servants had fallen short of their duties.

How entirely vexing, the short comings of others.

For a briefest flash, free of the intrusive thoughts that he’d been unable to fight off, he thought he may deserve this fate. To be nothing save a foul memory. He can almost recall who’d he been before, almost grasp the concept of honour, duty, and valour. All things once attributed to him at his grandest—

NO.

Neltharion was dead. Destroyed beyond recognition, not even a corpse remained for those to mourn the fool who thought himself guardian. Imbecilic idealist who’d believed mortals even worth consideration. He was the champion of a rotting tomb, a hollow memory with a crumbling memorial somewhere on that pathetic world.

If even that.

Good. Let the world forget the Earth Warder. Let those who cling to his memory and beliefs suffer. Their weakness should be punished!

Within this sacred abyss was Deathwing. Greatest of all the dragons, he who could not be conquered without those fools mucking about with precious time. His laugh rung out to the nothingness about his incorporeal form. He laughed at his latent victory.

Who were they now to stand on mighty kingdoms of righteousness? For they had sinned as he had. They played with machinations said to be forbidden. But they did so with the naivety of children. They clung to their delusions of morality. Perhaps they’d struck him down, but their actions had unleashed unknowable catastrophes.

Fate would see them punished for their crimes, yet they would not possess the serenity of oblivion. They would fight, tooth and claw, to cling to that pathetic rock of a world. Their wars would simply draw more chaos, peace would never last.

What he pitied, was he would not be there to watch their misery. The Old Gods, whispering horrible truths, played their hand too early. Their patience was endless but limited. They were festering paradoxes, and in the silence death brought, it was a relief now that Deathwing did not have to endure their plots.

Such simple schemes they were, too. To rule a world empty of resistance, to corrupt it and twist all those on it to the void.

He barked out a bellowing laugh, for here he could mock them. Their deaths, without he as their dark vanguard, would be swift and well deserved.

Old Gods indeed, free of their madness, he could see just how archaic their designs were. They wrought ruin for ruin’s sake.

But was that not the simplicity sicknesses incurred? A disease has no drive beyond mutation and death.

If Deathwing felt shame, it was only because he’d permitted them to warp his own desires. They offered him power eons ago, but who truly had worked to obtain it?

He had. He’d done the work; and suffered for it. He’d walked amongst the mortals and manipulated them, he’d tricked the other Aspects. What had the Old Gods done but offer empty promises from their long lost prisons? He’d wanted freedom from a burden thrust on him undeservedly so, and why? Because beings claiming to be his betters wanted to witness what would occur. They who could not even bother to care for their own world, gave the responsibility to dragons undoubtedly out of sheer convenience.

The abyss contained within it, no semblance of time. Here, he sensed there was no beginning nor ending. This was existence at its worst. To be something almost tangible, with thoughts and goals, but without a means to properly act. The predicament was inconvenient. Infuriating that this was the end the Old Gods had brought him.

Where are your whispers now, you filth. I so wish to witness your demise. I know of many who you thought to rule who planned to betray you. Let them taste victory, if there is any semblance of justice within the cosmos, you will be nothing but the fleeting terror in the dreams of infants!

Resentment was a fine companion. One worthy of his hatred.

“And my father is dead, because of the Old Gods.”

Wrathion.

His son, a runt hardly worth a thought. Deathwing’s contempt for him is only matched by his amusement. The purge of his flight had failed then, though it was a shame that it was one so wretchedly weak that survived. Was he to believe that it was Wrathion who lead the struggle against the Old Gods?

There is a flicker of pride for the boy, though it is fleeting. How grand would it be if it should be his son to strike down the disease? It would not be so difficult to imagine; the Old Gods were arrogant things. They thought themselves untouchable because they were as real as nightmares.

Fools, as maddening as their designs were, they were fragile.

Falsehoods. Fakes. Lies. Mirages of the worst sort, but illusions all the same.

Prove yourself useful, whelp. Deathwing rumbled, the void about him shaking in resonance. Even here, in this nothingness, he possessed power. Surely you tire of being such a disappointment.

The silence around him is deafening. He waits to see if oblivion bestows him with another glimmer. He knows many of his former masters have perished. He delights in it. Somehow, in this vast emptiness, his knowledge has expanded. This abyss is as much their fate as it was his. Only they, without the fear of mortals to sustain them, are withering. Their greed and lust to be worshipped and dreaded is their downfall.

He was not so simple, and that was the only gift Neltharion bestowed upon him. His existence before corruption promised that Deathwing would not be so easily vanquished. No, he was to suffer. As if somehow, being free of the crushing weight of Azeroth, and the madness it seeded was a punishment.

Oh, how he laughed.

I am destruction. What this oblivion seeks to do, is my very being. I am imprisoned here, but with it comes immortality.

His voice rings out to the emptiness, his new seat of power. There is a flicker of something forming. A wisp, a mote of existence within nothing. Shadow and flame, an ember of defiant, vicious truth.

“In N’Zoth’s name, his wings will darken the sky once more!”

His fury is immediate. A thunderous roar threatens to send the abyss fleeing in terror as it rings out. How dare anyone proclaim it would be some disease that would see Deathwing rise! The insolence! He seethes with loathing, and his being violently lashes out at the nothingness.

This was the first time oblivion felt as though it were a prison. He could not reach out and snuff out the proclamation. He could imagine the Old Gods laughing, mocking him even as they become grains of sand to be blown away by history.

His connection to this one is different. She is not his child, but the daughter of Onyxia. Yet her spirit burned truer than his son’s. She did not wish to be weak as the other dragons were. She valued power, control, and knew that to obtain such things one could not be so limited by ethics.

He fought against the ignorance this place wished to bestow upon him. He would have her name.

Nalice.

That inkling of flame grew larger as he stretched forth his mind and found the boundaries of oblivion.

It was vast, but not limitless.

Another lie of the gods. Old, new, and those who were timeless. The darkness that awaited the unworthy and wicked was not endless. It had walls, a floor, a ceiling.

Or… had he given it such things?

This was his domain after all.

That spark of smoke and flame descended into the floor.

Deathwing reached out for the worthier of the two descendants. He touched her mind, graced her with dreams of N’Zoth’s destruction. That infestation’s inevitable demise. He, the Destroyer, severed the old god’s hold on his granddaughter. She dreamt of Azeroth aflame, and the skies blackened by a thousand shadows.

The Black Dragonflight reborn.

You, child. He spoke to her, his words near beyond comprehension. He shook her sanity with his rampant might. May yet prove worthy of my gaze.

Oblivion caught fire, and the ground heaved.

The floor split open, a vast river of lava given light to an empty realm. Tectonic plates, suddenly thrust into existence, slammed into one another, forging ugly, jaded mountains. Lakes of tar seeped up from hairline cracks, and the abyss now reeked of sulfur and brimstone. Vents of noxious gas sprouted like wildflowers, spewing toxins into the air.

Hellish light illuminated the corpses of the old gods. Fire consumed them until they were nothing.

The tallest of mountains erupted. Plumes of ash and choking smoke exploded into the sky as debris rained down onto the valleys of lava. Magma roared outwards next, running down the cliffs in thick, murderous streams.

This realm is mine. His voice sees the new forged ground quake. Great crevices sundered open, and out from them crawled twisted elementals. Abyssal creatures of fire and earth.

Out rose a form from the belly of the volcano, a marvel of darkness. A draconic monster wrapped in smoke, lava running off seething scales and oblivion plate. He arose as a black dragon of oblivion, and he permitted his terrible power to breathe out of him. His wings smoldered and spat fire, magma leaked from his maw in a horrific fashion.

Deathwing, Lord of Oblivion, Emperor of the Abyss.

Fiery gaze turned upward as he coiled his form around the peak of the sundering mountain.

Pitiful mortals. He snarls, lips curling back as he peers up at that infinite dark. Watch as your world comes to an end.

An earthquake shakes the continent of Kalimdor. The lava fields of Sulfuron Spire churn. Temperatures rise as an early summer sweeps across the land.

And rallying call reaches the mind of those he deems worthy.

All will burn beneath the shadow of my wings.

#deathwing #neltharion #// with cameos of wrathion #// and windrunnerrs' nalice #// x.x hope dis is okiii #✯:: I trust you will not waste my time ( memes )#terraforged

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kendrixtermina · 5 years ago

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SUBJECTIVE OPINION TIME re: Rhea

Me: * Finishes Empire Route * Maybe it’s just because both dogmatic zealots and quasi-parental figures than only love you “conditionally” tend to set me off personally, but man, Rhea is scary

People: “Well she goes off the deep end there, in the other routes she’s much nicer”

Me: Alright then lets see what nice Rhea is like * waits for it *

[...]

Me: ...where is it?

Rhea: *Is barely IN the other routes* *Never once talks to any of the people who are so loyal to her* *it looks more and more like Edelgard did everyone a solid by removing her from the equation and they dont even know it*

Rhea’s support chain: is nothing but major creepo vibes (and some Jeralt backstory I guess) - you do get “personal space plz” dialogue options so this isn’t entirely unintentional

Rhea’s S support: “I fabricated a false history, deceived everyone and was literally giddy about the prospect of you becoming a meat puppet until you offered me your tits/dick”

the vibe is very much “This character was basically evil until just now, but sinse she’s somewhat (sym?)pathetic we’re letting you redeem her if you’re really comitted to it” - and why not? Video games are all about freedom. And it makes total sense that she could be swayed by someone acting as a strong protector to her since she has a very childish, self-centered mentality and basically wants her mommy.

Just saying, none of the lords require you to screw them for them to listen to reason. You could run off with their best friends if you wanted.

Alliance Route: Edelgard was right about the censorship and shady meddling... actually, it’s even worse, because she’s to blame for the rampant xenophobia and closed-mindedness too!

I already suspected that Nemesis wasn’t going to turn out to actually have been good/ that there must be a bit more to it, but I’d had a lot more sympathy if she hadn’t basically enslaved 1000 years worths of humans for something their distant ancestors did. Nemesis and the elites were dead. In fact she killed them, and rightly so! But even if she could kill them again and again it wouldn’t bring back Sothis. And what did the commoners ever do to deserve this?

All while the actual Culprits go unchecked, cheerfully inflicting similar slaughter on, say, Edelgard’s and Dimitri’s families.

They had sad backstories too. Almost the same one (”Agarthans killed my whole clan”). What did Edelgard do with it? Decide that she will uproot both the meddling shadow factions, end inequality and give power to the people even if she has to give up everything she cares about, so the same never happens to anyone else. Sure, she had a much harder time trusting or connecting with people and dealt poorly with being cornered but she recognizes that her classmates aren’t to blame for what their fathers did. What did Dimitri do with it? Well he struggles alot, but he definitely developed empathy for the downtrodden and other victims of violence and he makes an effort to be aware of his shortcomings and be a good person most of the time. He never believes that trying to do good or fight evil means that hes perfect or cant be criticised. At some point he definitely held some resentment against Adrestians as a whole (not just Arundel or Edelgard themselves), but he got over that and became a dedicated peacemaker.

Both of them have more maturity and self-awareness at 23 than Rhea has at 23 hundred.

Church Route: Well, at least Mama Eisner actually DID die of natural causes and there’s no indication that she mistreated her ‘experiments’ in anyways, but it can’t have been great for Byleth’s mom, to grow up knowing that she’s considered a ‘failure’, that her mother figure would so much rather that someone else take her place and is just waiting for her to die of old age so she could repeat the process.

And then there’s how she made all the higher ups of the church drink her blood/ crest stones

Would this have happened to Jeralt if he hadn’t died when he did? Heavens could she have monsterified anyone who disagreed at any time?!

And just to twitch the knife she just HAS to call poor Byleth “mother”to their face at the very end after they went through all the trouble to rescue her and forgave her for the meat puppet thing.

Kingdom Route:

- The Ashe/Cassandra support DEAR GOD

...did she just get off scot free?

It’s not like I want her dead, per se, just not-a-threat-anymore.. She lives in her S support but she also partially recognizes her wrongdoings and that she’s unfit to rule and even goes on to atone, so, no objections from me. Whereas here we never see her realize that she was wrong in any way. Sure she’s stepped down but she’s probably discarded and assumed new identities a bajillion times. Just because she CAN cause trouble again doesn’t mean she will but if it were me I’d want some minimal assurance that she wont...

People: “But she has a sad backstory/sympathetic motivations/characterization other than muahaha”

Me: That’s decent writing, not morality.

By “evil” I don’t mean “cackling disney villain”, I mean that a certain critical mass of badness is present and that her motivations are mainly selfish at other’s expense. Sanctimonious delusions just make it worse.

Like you might feel sympathy towards some guy who was beaten by his father until you find out that he then went on to beat humiliate and mistreat his own children. It’s the same principle, though I recognize that this is by naturally subjective.

She’s clearly intended to be tragic/pitiable and I’m certainly not going to get on anyone’s case for feeling sorry for or emphatizing with her (let alone liking her - you’re allowed to like antagonists and not every opinion has to be some great act of moral value)

But wether or not one wants to use the label “evil” which by nature is a subjective emotion-charged thing, or the entirely separate question of what one would or wouldn’t view as appropriate countermeasures, there’s no denying that the results of her actions were net negative and that she was just plain incompetent and accountable to no one. And she wasn’t ever gonna stop.

It’s hard to give her a pass for being childish when Edelgard, Claude and Dimitri (eventually) take on so much responsibility and determinedly pursue altruistic goals though they are young and inexperienced.

As I see it, Rhea’s a “rule the world” villain whereas the Agarthans are a “destroy the world” one. Lawful vs Chaotic evil. Out of the two you’d probably prefer to be subjugated by Rhea because she’ll act as a benevonent tyrant as long as you do not openly defy her but both view the surface-dwelling people as lowly animals. In Rhea’s case, you get to be the pet cat, and she may even protect you like a pet cat. But pet cats dont get any say in how they are governed.

#fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #Rhea #archbishop rhea

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devnicolee · 5 years ago

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Snowfall (1 & 2)

A/N: This first chapter sets the stage for the series so it is a bit slow. I am anticipating this series will being kind of long. A lot happens in a short time span so far and I have a skeleton of the whole thing but honestly, I keep finding new things to add and change so we will see. Anyways enjoy!

***Chapter 2 is now included in this and it is a flashback to what happens to Zarah while M’Baku is out.

Warnings: None for this chapter, just slow burn-ish and angst

Word Count: 4,285

*****

Lord M’Baku had seen better days during his tenure as Chief of Jabariland. Long days were a part of the territory as a leader, but today felt unnaturally exhausting. He wanted nothing more than to retreat to his chambers, snuggle up with his wife who had likely left her office by now. Instead, he found himself pacing by his window overlooking Gorilla City.

He knew he couldn’t leave until he addressed the small stack of paperwork waiting on his desk. He tried, poured over the pages for all evening since he returned from dinner but he couldn’t concentrate on them. He spent thousands of quiet days in this office and today was the first one he felt such anxiety for no obvious reason. He worried about the future of his tribe and Wakanda like any good leader but the Jabari always prevailed, leaving him confident in his decisions. But today, anxiety trailed him like a ghost through what seemed to be an extremely boring and uneventful day in the mountains. As it loomed over him, he second guessed every decision he made and his wildest fears running rampant through his head. He dismissed it, as best he could, that is until his guards were alerted to two problems: a potential blizzard forming in the west and a fire in a village on the outskirts of Gorilla City.

Neither were anything new for the Jabari. Snow storms were par for the course of living in the mountains. Residents knew how to prepare and hunker down when needed. Since everyone burned fires all winter for warmth, the occasional fire broke out as well if someone was careless. However, once he heard of the fire’s location and the potential number of victims, M’Baku rounded up his Kingsguard and headed to the village to help. The fire, localized in a popular pub, was extinguished quickly thanks to brave patrons and the warriors patrolling the city. It was a miracle there were no deaths, just some injuries and lost property. M’Baku and the guard ensured all injured Jabari were sent to the healing center, moving quickly to settle the incident before the storm hit and the roads became impassable for the night. Once everyone was taken care of, M’Baku headed home, figuring he could finally relax and put his anxieties to rest.

Maybe I have a third eye or something, he wondered jokingly to himself as he settled in for the journey back to the Lodge.

The Chief grunted impatiently as he glanced out of the carriage window for the 100th time, hoping to see the palace gates in the distance. But every turn on the winding road up the mountain concealed yet another turn and not the statues of Hanuman that promised him warmth and rest. He let the dark grey window curtains fall and hid the passing forest. He slumped into his seat and let out a deep sigh of frustration that this fire had to happen in the village farthest away from the Lodge.

And right before a snow storm, he whined internally. He hated that all the bad things seemed to happen right before a storm was barreling toward tribe. He could see the dark clouds headed their way, it would be at the western border mountains within half an hour, possibly sooner depending on how fast the clouds moved.

The Jabari’s giant-sized chief resembled a toddler as he rubbed his eyes, the exhaustion from the day seeping into his body. After an emotionally-taxing day, the only thing on the chief’s mind was getting home to Zarah. His best friend. His chieftess. She was his solace, his beacon of light that guided him through the fog of leadership. M’Baku was fiercely devoted to his people, proudly taking the mantle of Chief after his father’s death. However, his reign became significantly easier since Zarah took her place beside him as chieftess. She was compassionate, intelligent, fiercely devoted to the tribe and beautiful… all the things he wanted in a life companion and needed in a chieftess. He knew he wouldn’t be half the chief or man he was without her and the people knew it too. Their love and loyalty for Lady Zarah ran deep, deeper than their love for M’Baku (though no one would ever say that to him). Thoughts of snuggling with her in front of the fire were the only thing that carried him the rest of the trip home.

M’Baku silently thanked Hanuman when the carriage passed through the gates. I wonder if I can convince Za to give me a massage, he thought, feeling the tension and ache in his shoulders as he sat up straight. Well, she won’t need much convincing, he reminded himself, a small smirk on his face. Past experience taught him that massages quickly turned into something more. Usually with Zarah on her back with her thighs wrapped around his head as he feasted off her nectar. That is what the chief had to look forward to as the carriage rounded the final corner to stop before the Lodge steps: a massage and the melody of his wife’s moans and screams as he pulled an orgasm or several from her. Unfortunately for him, the world seemed to have other plans.

M’Baku jumped out of the carriage before it could come to a full stop. His march up the stairs faltered slightly when he noticed someone waiting at the doors. A smile graced his tired features as he saw his best friend and brother-in-law, N’Danna. The lieutenant general of the Jabari Forces quickly ended a call from his kimoyo beads before shifting his attention to his approaching chief.

“Brother! What are you doing here so late?”

He pulled his brother into a hug, his confusion growing when his enthusiastic greeting was not returned with the same energy. Instead, N’Danna only offered a stiff pat on the back and tight smile.

“Evening, my Lord. There is… there is something I need to tell you.”

His eerily somber tone filled M’Baku with trepidation. N’Danna’s formalities were not lost on him. He wasn’t talking to his best friend now, he was talking to his general and his tone did not foreshadow good news.

N'Danna inhaled deeply, as if he had to summon the courage within to utter his next statement.

“I am afraid to tell you that Lady Zarah is missing.”

There was a beat of silence before M’Baku let out a boisterous chuckle from the depths of his belly, amused by the absurdity of his brother’s statement.

“Very funny N'Danna… She hasn’t left the Lodge all day. I just saw her a few hours ago. Before I got dragged away to deal with that damn fire. How does one set fire to Jabari wood anyway? It is practically indestructible - we will need to look into that. Well, actually… correction, Zarah will need to look into it. Hanuman knows she is the only one in this tribe that actually understands Jabari wood, the rest of us are just kidding ourselves. The guards say it was an accident but I don’t believe it,” M’Baku rambled, starting to walk inside.

If M’Baku had been paying attention, he would have noticed the growing distress on his General’s face as he trailed behind him.

“But anyway… did she put you up to this? I know your sister is a practical jokester but she goes too far. I will get her back for this one no doubt,” M’Baku let out another hearty chuckle while shaking his head, not even considering the notion that his wife was anywhere but safe in their shared bed.

He continued down the hallway before he felt a tight grip on his arm pull him backward. M’Baku’s eyes bugged out of his head at N'Danna’s behavior. He wondered if the man had drunk one too many glasses of mead, that was the only explanation for such reckless behavior.

“What the hell has gotten in-”

“M’BAKU! Shut the hell up and listen to me. This is not a joke. While you and the guards were across the lands, someone broke in and took her. We are trying to determine how they entered and escaped undetected. No one even realized anything had happened until I came to drop off the weekly reports. I found your chambers empty, her guards knocked out.” N'Danna had to pause to take a deep breath - to steady his tone and reel in his emotions. “This is not a game, brother. This is not a joke. She is gone.”

They stood in silence for a few moments, simply staring at each other, as the news settled in the air. M’Baku backed up from N'Danna slightly, his body finding and leaning against a wall to support him. After a few minutes, M’Baku started to shake his head. She couldn’t be gone. She just couldn’t.

“No… no she… she can’t be gone. No,” M’Baku muttered quickly to himself, refusing to believe it.

Of course, in his heart, he knew her own brother would have no reason to lie about such things. The tears in his eyes and undeniable emotion in his voice should have been enough to convince M’Baku because N'Danna was the least emotional person he ever met. Still, his mind was committed to believing she was still home and merely a short walk through the Lodge from him, not lost and in danger. His mind held tight to this delusion as if letting go meant the loss of his sanity. He didn’t care how crazy that made him look or sound.

M’Baku raced to his quarters. Staff jumped out his way like the parting of the Red Sea, afraid of being swept up in the currents of his rage.

N'Danna followed closely on his chief’s heels, not surprised by his reaction. His sister was the single most important thing in this world to M’Baku. Their love was one of a kind. So he knew this would devastate him. He was barely holding it together himself, he just did a better job of hiding his emotions than M’Baku. This destroyed every expectation he set for himself as her big brother - her first friend and fiercest protector until M’Baku. How could they live with themselves if something happened to the brightest, most crucial star in their skies? With no time to process his own thoughts before M’Baku’s arrival, N'Danna knew he wouldn’t have the chance. Someone had to be strong and logical, be willing to set aside all emotions to find her. M’Baku’s current reaction indicated that he would be unable to fulfill that task. That role and burden fell squarely on his shoulders.

When M’Baku and N'Danna reached the Chief’s chambers, reality came crashing down all at once like a collapsing skyscraper. Despite the warmth emanating from the raging fire in their room, a chill overcame him as if ice water coursed through his veins instead of warm blood. His visual survey of the chambers forced him to confront the harsh reality surrounding him.

There was clear evidence of a struggle. Zarah’s favorite white fur blanket, a gift from M’Baku after he proposed, was torn and tossed to the floor, the glass coffee table in front of the fire was shattered, Jabari mead and small blood stains littered various spots on the fur carpet, Zarah’s knobkerrie splintered and thrown aside. M’Baku’s body was on autopilot as he steered himself to his bed after feeling his legs grow weak beneath him. His head fell to his hands. He tried to calm his mind and the storm of emotions brewing beneath the surface. However, this proved to be a pointless effort. His rage was uncontainable and quickly burst from him.

“HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?” He yelled. The chief was beyond anger, he was seething.

“I have a team on the way to search the entire Lodge and pull the security cameras as we speak. I arrived here and realized what had happened only moments before you did. Her guards are still unconscious. When they wake, we will know more.”

This explanation was wasted breath as his chief was not even listening. M’Baku’s mind was racing while he wildly paced by his bed.

“What are we going to do? We have to find her. Your team must have some leads... something. We should be out there searching for her now. She could be hurt. We... w-w-we have to find her,” he ranted. His rage morphed into pure panic as shock wore off and the realization of his wife’s predicament set in. No one ever kidnapped anyone with pure intentions. Whatever they wanted with her, it can’t be good.

“First, you need to calm down. We won’t get anywhere without thinking clearly. We can send an initial search team out but without a plan or any indication of where to start? And where will they go? Half the Lands will be inaccessible for the night within the next two hours. Any search efforts tonight would be futile. We would be searching aimlessly. Let’s go to the throne room and wait for my team there. We will find her. I have no doubt in my mind.”

M’Baku nodded. He no longer thought about the blizzard about to dump multiple feet of snow on his tribe. He could only think about this, the storm already destroying his world.

We will find her. I will find her.

His eyes filled with determination as he grabbed his knobkerrie and marched out of his bedroom, not waiting for N’Danna to fall in line behind him. He was not going to rest until he found his wife, even if he had to move every mountain in Wakanda or destroy every person who stood in his way.

****

[Earlier in the evening]

“Kasim?” Lady Zarah called out to the head of her Queensguard standing outside her chambers. He poked his head in to see his chieftess tying her robe around her waist.

“Yes my lady?”

“Any idea where Lord M’Baku is? He didn’t answer his beads… did he leave the Lodge?” Zarah wasn’t usually needy. But she had a long day and was expecting her husband home by this hour so they could cuddle by the fire.

Kasim spared a quick amusing glance at his second-in-command, Mosi. They found M’Baku and Zarah’s inability to go long periods without the other to be quite amusing and endearing. More than half of their time was spent sharing her whereabouts with the Kingsguard or vice versa because they couldn’t stand to be apart for more than an hour.

“Yes, my lady. Lord M’Baku and the guard are in the East Village, responding to a fire. He will return before the storm crosses the border mountains.”

Zarah’s faced scrunched up in disappointment.

“Alright, thank you. That will be all, you and Mosi are dismissed for the evening,” she said with a soft smile, hating to keep her guard longer than needed.

“No, my lady. We are to stay with you until Lord M’Baku returns,” he responded.

Zarah rolled her eyes, flopping down on the edge of her bed.

“You realize no harm will befall me in my own bedroom yes? It is late, a storm is coming. Don’t you all want to get home?” she questioned.

Kasim laughed, “While we appreciate your thoughtfulness Lady Zarah, neither of us fancy being thrown from Dead Man’s peak because we abandoned our post. And that is exactly what Lord M’Baku will do if we leave.”

“Touché,” she laughed. Her husband was known to be a bit overzealous when it came to her safety.

“We will leave you to rest my lady,” Kasim gave her a smile and turned to leave. He paused before addressing her again. “Apologies, there is one more thing. The maintenance staff asked if they could come by and work on the leak in your bathroom tonight? They will come back tomorrow to fully fix it but they said they can patch it up for the night and that will last until they can examine the pipes.”

Zarah sighed, she just wanted to collapse into bed, not wait up for the staff. But she also knew if the storm was bad, there was no guarantee the staff would make it in to fix it tomorrow. She hated leaving things undone and knew M’Baku would be happy to come home and not have to maneuver around the steady leak that started in their bathroom the previous night. It didn’t matter how many times they insulated the pipes around the Lodge, they always had an issue or two this time of the year. Zarah tried to convince M’Baku to install vibranium pipes, which would last forever and never freeze in the dead of the winter. But he refused to budge. So of course, the next pipe burst had to be one in their bathroom.

“Yes, that is fine. Thank you!”

Kasim nodded and bowed before exiting fully. Zarah decided there was no point in getting comfortable if the staff was going to arrive momentarily so she poured herself a glass of Jabari mead, pulled her favorite book off the bookshelf and settled on the couch. She shivered slightly, despite the raging fire across the living room space in their chambers, so she wrapped the white fur blanket from the couch around her. It was made of the softest fur Jabariland had to offer, a gift from M’Baku after he proposed. She only used it when she was craving his presence. M’Baku sprayed his favorite cologne on it so it always smelled like him.

She got comfortable, reading Jabari folklore. Tonight she decided to reread the tale of Chief Omarr and Chieftess Oba, two of the greatest leaders the Jabari ever saw. Their story was legend and Zarah’s favorite.

Zarah pulled her long goddess twists into a ponytail, growing tired of them falling into her face as she read. She didn’t make it far into her book when she heard a knock on the door.

“Come in,” she called.

“The workers are here, Lady Zarah,” Kasim announced before ushering two men into the space.

“Thank you Kasim. That will be all.” she said, lifting her eyes from the pages to greet the workers. “Thanks for coming. You all know where everything is. Let me know if you need anything.”

They both nodded and shuffled to the bathroom. Zarah’s head tilted slightly as her curiosity for the two men grew the longer she looked at them. Zarah wasn’t sure what set off alarm bells in her head. There were no obvious red flags with the two men or Kasim wouldn’t have let them in. They were seemingly average at first glance. But there were small things. First, Zarah didn’t recognize them. The tribe wasn’t that big and after becoming chieftess, Zarah made it a point to know every person who worked in the Lodge.

Maybe they are new, she thought internally. Second, these men were seriously underfed, almost sickly looking, unlike most of the Jabari. Their uniforms seemed to be sizes too big, hanging off their thin frames, certainly unlike anything she had seen within the staff.

Individually, neither of these were that odd and could have reasonable explanations. But Zarah spent enough time with her warrior brother and husband to know that ignoring the warning bells in your own head was never a good practice. Zarah decided that she would rather be safe than sorry and got up to alert Kasim. At least he could wait in the room with her until they finished.

But before her manicured hand could touch the gold doorknob in their quarters, she heard a cold voice behind her.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Zarah.”

She whipped around to see one of the two men, now standing right behind her with a spear in hand. Her heart started beating out of her chest, its strong thumping loud in her ears as she tried to quickly strategize. Her eyes glanced at the couch, where she knew her knobkerrie laid on the floor. She wondered if she could buy enough time to get to it or discreetly alert her guard that something was amiss.

“Looking for this?” the shorter of them asked as he walked over to the couch and grabbed her knobkerrie. Her heart sank into her stomach. There was an extra weapon in her closet but she knew she wouldn’t make it in time. The man twirled her weapon in his hand a few times before tossing it to the side.

“Who are you and what do you want?” she asked calmly.

The taller of the two men answered, “Who we are does not matter. We are merely servants of our master. And we want you. We don’t want to hurt you.”

His words were slightly muffled, drowned out by Zarah’s own heartbeat as she struggled to stay calm. Whatever they wanted, it couldn’t be good.

“You need to back away from me” Zarah demanded, pulling herself to her full height. The man cackled before wrapping his hand around her neck and lifting her off the floor. Zarah choked, felt the air running out in her body as she struggled to fill her lungs with more. Her nails clawed at his hand to loosen his grip.

“We don’t want to hurt you, but we will if you continue to be uncooperative,” the shorter man said in a slightly bored tone, as if the chieftess’s antics to save herself were an annoyance to him.

“Ka…Kasim!!”

She tried to push her vocal cords to yell but they wouldn’t, not under the weight of his hands crushing them. The smaller man whispered something Zarah couldn’t hear as she continued to thrash under his grip and he let her go. Zarah didn’t have to be a military genius to know this was her one shot. She deduced that there wasn’t enough space to open the door and make it through with his body pressing hers against one door and the shorter assailant leaning against the other so she decided to make a break for the closet. At least that would give her time for her guard to come and save her.

“KASIM!”

She screamed as loud as her vocal cords would allow. She didn’t look back to see if they heard her. Zarah made it to just past the couch before she felt a rough grip on her arm. She tried to loosen his grip on her as they struggled against the arm of the couch.

“I… see… you want us to do this the hard way,” he struggled out as they fought. He used his free hand to strike her, the force of it caused her to tumble sideways to the floor and tip over the glass coffee table.. She let out a few coughs as her body reacted to the impact of hitting the floor.

Zarah refused to stop fighting and yelled yet again for her guards. She didn’t understand where Kasim and Mosi were, why they weren’t running to her rescue but she couldn’t dwell on it. Her hands went behind her and she pushed herself onto her hands and feet to crawl backwards away from her attacker. She didn’t make it far, his hand enclosed on her ankle and dragged her back toward him. She cried out in pain as he drug her over the broken shards of glass now littering the floor. Next thing she knew he was on top of her, both his hands closed around her forearms, forcing her into the ground. She thrashed and kicked, tried to buck his body off of hers but nothing worked. She let out another scream that quickly became muffled as a set of hands forced a wet cloth over her mouth. She was forced to breath in the disgusting taste of whatever liquid they dosed it in.

Zarah knew immediately that all hope was lost. Whatever chemical she just breathed in, she could feel its effects immediately. She suddenly felt weak, too weak to continue her thrashing movements beneath him. The weight and pressure of the body above her was suddenly gone but all of her limbs still felt heavy as she tried to move. Zarah felt her body lifted into one of their arms as they moved. Her head fell back as the drugs started to affect her vision and tether to the conscious world. The last thing she saw before her eyes fell closed was the body of one of her guard’s on the ground, slumped outside her door.

The men made quick work of placing her unconscious body in a body bag, exiting the Lodge and loading her into a cart waiting at the back of the Lodge. They rode quietly through the mountains. They stopped once to pick up two men who were waiting at the edge of the Jabari territory. The men would have looked odd to any onlookers, their oversized clothes covered in soot.

As she lay in the back of the cart, the world was completely oblivious to the state of the Jabari’s chieftess. Jabari boarded up their windows to prepare for the storm, her husband loaded up his guard to head home and her brother finally wrapped up his work day three stories below her bedroom in the Lodge. Everyone was completely unaware of the plan that was just set into motion by five foot soldiers.

***

In a corner of the mountains just outside of the Jabari territory, a man sat reciting his evening prayers at his desk when he heard a knock at his door. He let out a grunt.

“I asked not to be disturbed. Leave me, now!” He yelled at the unknown person behind his door.

“My lord, it is urgent! They have her,” the voice called back to him, the excitement in his voice was undeniable.

His head snapped up, his eyes gleamed with anticipation. His chair let out a loud screeching noise as he stood up quickly, almost ripping his door of its handle to face his assistant.

“What?”

The man was breathless, having run through the compound to tell his master the news.

“They have her. She just arrived. It is time.”

The man couldn’t believe it. Years of planning for this moment and it was finally here.

He grasped hands with his most faithful and devoted servant.

“Yes, yes, it is.”

****

Tags: @muse-of-mbaku @dawva @great-neckpectations @destinio1 @missmohnique

#black panther fics #black panther fanfiction #m'baku x oc #black panther imagines #m'baku imagines #first fic

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