#letting go? freedom forgiving people so you can move on into a better life

[rubikor]

forgiveness

[mysticheathenn]

Messages of Self-Care

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is all about what kind of self-care you need right now in your life, etc.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

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Next Up: What's Your Fairytale Love Story? (Patreon, This Week)

Pile l:

What Kind of Self-Care Do You Need Right Now? Tarot: 2 of Wands, 5 of Pentacles, 3 of Pentacles (reversed), 4 of Swords, 6 of Pentacles

Balance & Courage. Right now in your life, you are lacking balance. This could be in any area of your life but for most of you, there is a misalignment with your finances as you have 3 pentacle cards establishing that this reading is specifically finance-focused. There is a mix in this pile as some of you may possibly have issues with spending money because the way you spend money is a coping mechanism of a way that you can remain in control of your life or feel better when things are going wrong. Others of you finances are tight because of your job not paying enough for you to survive but there are some of you that are being paid enough you just suck at budgeting. The remainder of you are giving away your money to others way too much when they are in need without holding people accountable in paying you back because you don't want "drama." Either way, you are looking for a break financially so you can rest and not stress every second of the day about not having enough money to pay for things you need in order to survive or have a roof over your head. This message of self-care is your cue for most of you who have ideas of plans to do better than what you are doing to chase after those ideas and goals. Now is a better time than never. I am hearing if you start now in implementing your ideas/goals withing 6-8 months you should see some sort of return that will look like the 10 of Cups/Pentacles. Last message for this group has to deal with your mentality around money. I may suggest looking into LOA (law of attraction), Neville Goddard, and other teachings in dealing with your mentality around money if you are a part of the spiritual community (Tumblr has a lot of resources). Others who are religious...pray to your spirit team and god to help move you in the direction or remove things not needed in order to bring in your financial break.

Extra Messages: Similar to how you choose a card. Close your eyes, take a deep breathe, open them, and whatever word stands out to you meditate on that word for a message to come through for you. Too many messages for me to type out.

Freedom, Beauty, Commitment, & Forgiveness

Pile ll:

What Kind of Self-Care Do You Need Right Now? Tarot: The Star (reversed), 8 of Wands, The Moon, 5 of Cups, Knight of Pentacles (reversed)

Release. Healing. Self -Love. There are many messages for you here pile ll. Some of you are dealing with depression, grief, or some sort of emotional loss because you are either have to let go of something or someone who isn't good for you or you are not happy with your current life right now. Others of you are lacking between self-love and self-care. You are not taking care of yourselves but this is more so in a self-love kind of way. You are talking down to yourself and hiding in the shadows not wanting people to see you. I was about to continue that sentence but then I caught myself and realized I was about to list the signs of depression (not a doctor only going off from experience and what I was medically diagnosed). Those who resonate with being unhappy with your life you are unhappy because you are not taking the steps that you are needing to take in order to get to where you want to be. Some of you want your manifestations, wants, and desires to land in your lap and that's not going to happen. You need to put in some sort of work. The wild thing is you know what you need to do and for some of you the thing is simple but you are overthinking it. For others of you the thing is scary and you hate the unknown and fear failure. For those who are dealing with self-esteem issues and insecurities, you is kind. You is beautiful/handsome/a cutie/etc. You is amazing. You need to be your own hype man. Find something that you like and hype yourself up from there and don't tell me you don't have one thing you like about yourself. It can be something as small as you like your left toe. Start there and build yourself up. If you are still stubborn and refuse to see one good thing about yourself ask someone you trust what is one thing they like about you. Don't demean it or cast it assign take the compliment and build off of that.

Extra Messages: Similar to how you choose a card. Close your eyes, take a deep breathe, open them, and whatever word stands out to you meditate on that word for a message to come through for you. Too many messages for me to type out.

Passion, Dreams, Protection, Transformation.

Pile lll:

What Kind of Self-Care Do You Need Right Now? Tarot: 3 of Wands (reversed), The Empress, 8 of Swords, 6 of Swords (reversed)

Stuck Energy. Some of you may have kind of been drawn to pile ll but not fully as this message kind of relates to some of that message but not fully. What I am saying is this pile's cards are straight forward when they tell me that you are dimming your light and also not wanting to let go of the old you for the new you because of XYZ reason. Some of you are holding yourself hostage in the same place mentally because either the people around you continuously keep triggering the old you or because you don't want to let go of those around you so you refuse to grow. Overall you are dimming your light to let other people shine and to hold yourself complacent and that's not ...that's not it my love. You are meant to shine bright in the light not hold yourself prisoner to the same song over and over again as if this is looney tunes hell. For those who have seen the original SpaceJam remember when Micahel Jordan agreed to stay stuck in the cartoon world if he lost and he would do the same thing over and over again (lose to basketball, sign autographs, do humiliating things, etc) that is your current energy right now. Break from the prison chains and see yourself for who you are. Step into your most authentic self and be dammed who doesn't like it. Be dammed with who all you lose. Remember that whatever you lose you gain back 10x forward. You lose your friends okay so what better friends who will align more with you are on the way. Don't be too uncomfortable with the idea of shining that you hold yourself so far back that you miss out on life. Not just life but YOUR MOST ABUNDANT LIFE. Sorry for the all caps I just need that for dramatics and to emphasize how much you need to shine your inner light to the world. Someone needs your inner light and now. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's that one family member you thought hated you but doesn't. Who knows either way shine baby shine.

Extra Messages: Similar to how you choose a card. Close your eyes, take a deep breathe, open them, and whatever word stands out to you meditate on that word for a message to come through for you. Too many messages for me to type out.

WillPower, Talent, Good Luck, Clarity, Happiness, Peace, Answers.

Pile lV:

What Kind of Self-Care Do You Need Right Now? Tarot: Ace of Swords, 4 of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, 2 of Swords, 9 of Wands (reversed)

Pile lV you remind me of the meme where people make fun of moms and wives when they ask for help and it's not fast enough for you so you do it yourself then complain about having to do everything yourself even though help is right there. I'm getting the sense you don't ask for anything, but for some strange reason end up shocked when you get exactly that.....all for what?? To not be a bother, to be a "cool/easy girl/boy/person". I had a friend like you once...she would complain about something in her life and when I or a solution would come about she would be blind to the shit and get nothing done, just complain because it's easier than doing the work. It's easier than bothering someone. Some of you just like to have a struggle story because you think life hands out I struggled and concurred trophies. Why is that pile lv? Why do you refuse help? Why do you pride yourself in struggling when all you want is peace? Make it make sense...please. I'm not going to lie though for some of you I fall into this trap also of not allowing help because I know I will get it right the first time instead of leaving it up to the possibility of someone messing things up. But even so, there comes a time in your life when you need to ease up and let in help. Let in ease. Let in Peace. Let in this emotional and even mental fulfillment you are seeking. You can't bring that when you are constantly controlling things. I'm getting a specific message for a few of you asking god/universe/etc for help and when you get the help you go.."no not that kind of help" Beggars can't be choosers, my love. You have to give some type of way in order to achieve what your end goal is in life. Whatever that is for you..there are to many of you with different messages so take what resonates and leave what does not.

Extra Messages: Similar to how you choose a card. Close your eyes, take a deep breathe, open them, and whatever word stands out to you meditate on that word for a message to come through for you. Too many messages for me to type out.

Manifestation, Protection, Commitment, Lighten Your Load, Freedom, Good Luck, Financial Health.

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay safe and be blessed

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 42

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Almost lost this chapter bc my computer went nuts.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

You hit delete chat in the conversation settings. You leave it just as blank as before and close out the app. Just like Dr. Kemp said to. He can’t be there right away but he has a better plan. You’re not good at those anyway.

All you have to do now is wait out Andy. He’ll be going to work come morning and you’ll be alone. Then you can take your things, the things that are really yours, and leave. Finally. You realise that’s exactly what you’ve been longing for. A way out.

The hard part is still ahead of you. Freedom is still just out of reach. You have to pretend that everything’s fine but you’re realising, you’ve been doing that for a while.

You shake off your nerves and roll the tears back behind your eyes. You can cry later. Even as your cheeks strain and your nose tingles, you resist. Not yet, not yet.

You finish tidying up the tablet, trying to leave it as you found it. With not much else than your drawings. You close the cover and bring it with you as you turn off the lights and head upstairs. You sop up the mess in the bathroom and leave it dark. 

You hesitate to approach the bedroom. You hear Andy’s snores, low and steady. Your skin crawls. You enter and put the tablet on the small side table where you charge it. You hang the damp robe and face the bed.

For the first time in your life, you want to hurt someone. You’re not afraid of being the one hurt. You really want to hit him and kick him and just let out your fury on him. You can’t and you won’t. You’re not who he told you you are. And you’re not strong enough for that. You’re still too small, too weak.

So you near the bed and climb under the covers. You move slowly as you pull the duvet to your chin. He snorts, making you wince, and sidles up behind you as he wraps his arm around you. You go rigid but fight through the ice that threatens to encase you. He can’t know, he can’t know.

“Mmm, where were you?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Had a bath,” you squeak, putting your hand over his. You want to rip him away but instead, you squeeze, holding him tighter. “Sorry.”

“Nmph,” he grumbles and nuzzles your crown, just as quickly drifting back into his rhythmic snores.

You exhale little by little. You close your eyes but just as quickly open again. You know you won’t sleep. You can’t. Not with him as good as on top of you. Not knowing what awaits you in the morning. But mostly, not with that needling guilt in the nape of your neck.

Amber.

You betrayed your own sister. You treated her like a villain. You demonised her. You ostracised her. You left her!

You don’t know if she can ever forgive you. You can’t blame her for that. Worse, you don’t think you’d let her forgive you. You don’t deserve it.

You feel brittle as you bite down on your cheeks. No crying, not yet, you remind yourself. For once, you have to do things right. You have to follow through. It’s up to you now.

🕊️

“I didn’t know you could make crepes,” Andy smiles as he cuts into the roll, compote fruit and syrup oozing out.

You do your best to mirror him, making a show of nibbling away at your own food.

“I found a recipe,” you tap your tablet, not far from you.

“That’s great. You’re… doing better.”

“I’m trying,” you assure him, “I hope it doesn’t make you late for work.”

“Hm? Oh, no, breakfast with you is worth it,” he pops a bit into his mouth and hums. You regret not spitting in it, repulsed by the thought when it came to you, but now, not so much.

He can sit there and lie to you. It makes it easier for you to do the same. He’s been lying this entire time. Making you feel like you’re a problem. A burden. No, you were a thing to be used. To be exploited. He never liked you, the girl he calls dove, he only liked what he could get out of you. And he got off on it.

He took Amber from you. He did that. Yes, you’re stupid for falling for it but he knew what he was doing. He lied to you. And you know exactly how he did it. 

He took all that therapy and twisted it around on you. You wonder why he even bothers with Dr. Kemp when he’s not trying to change. More than the narcissist he branded your sister, he’s a psychopath. You found that on the internet too.

Bitter, angry, hateful. You’ve never felt this way before. You’ve never truly loathed anyone. Not even your grandfather. His fists were nothing compared to Andy’s emotional battering.

“Well, don’t let it get too cold. They get gummy,” you force a smile, only fed by the thought of what comes after. Of what you’re going to do when he leaves.

Run.

🕊️

When Andy leaves, you’re in the kitchen tidying up. You left all the dishes in a stack to make a convincing show for him. You’ll be busy all day scouring the skillet and the fruit stuck to the inside of the pot, along with your plates and the cutlery. Oh and the mess you made of the counters.

The door closes but you don’t break your charade right away. You give it ten minutes. Fifteen, just to be sure. Then you tiptoe down the hall and look out the window. The tire tracks are already snowed over. 

You don’t hesitate. You’ve never been more certain of anything in your life. This is your chance. You spin and race upstairs. 

You search the closet and the dresser, everywhere for the bag you brought there. It’s gone. Along with all the clothes from your old life. All that was you. Andy took them along with everything else.

Whatever. You grab a few pieces of the more practical slant; turtlenecks, some leggings, a pair of jeans. Socks and underwear. You work quickly, with intent. Just enough to get out, not a lot. Not too much. As little as you can. You don’t want to keep too much that will remind you of this place.

You rush back downstairs after you change. You grab your tablet and message Dr. Kemp, the chat log still blank. You delete each message once he responds. You can’t be too careful.

‘He’s gone. When can you get here?’

His reply isn’t long; ‘ten minutes, been waiting a block away.’

‘I’ll be outside.’

You close the cover of the tablet and stare at it. You hover it over the countertop but stop yourself. No, you earned this. It’s yours. Andy never did pay you for the painting. Not in full.

You hug the tablet and go to retrieve the bag you found in the front closet. A tote bag with faded floral print. You don’t wonder where it came from. You don’t want to think too hard about him or this place. They’ll soon be long gone.

You pull on your boots and your coat. That’s all he’s left you of your former existence. You don’t suspect you would have them for much longer if you stay. You shudder and grip the fabric handles of the bag.

You open the front door and step out into the drift. The snow floats down in fluffy flakes. As you step off the porch, it collects on your lashes. You make slow progress, lifting your knees high as the unshoveled walk makes each step a task. As you come up to the curb, a distant rumble comes from down the avenue.

You shield your eyes against the steady snowfall and squint. You think it’s Dr. Kemp. You’re not sure. When you saw his car, it was dark and you were more focused on other things.

He rolls down the snow-carpeted road cautiously and pulls in the next driveway before turning around and coming up along the curb. He grins at you through the passenger window and the doors unlock with a loud thunk. You grab the handle and pull.

“Hey, sweetheart, I’m here. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“Thanks, doctor, I… thank you. I…”

“You sounded scared, how could I say no?”

You nod and look over your shoulder at the house.

“Let me deal with Andy when the time comes,” he insists, “come on, it’s hell out here. Get in.”

You nod and haul your bag onto the floor ahead of you and put the tablet on top. You stop yourself before you release the device. You look at Dr. Kemp. He stares.

“You alright?” He asks.

“I forgot something,” you say as you let go of the tablet. “I’ll be right back.”

“Oh?”

“I’ll be two minutes,” you hold up as many fingers, “promise.”

“I trust you, sweetheart,” he assures with a smile, “I’ll be here.”

You take and breath and close the passenger door gently. You whip around and stumble back up the walk, stepping into the holes you left on your way out. You burst inside, not carrying for the melting snow you leave in your stead or the undone dishes, or anything about this place. There’s only one last thing that needs to be done.

You take the stairs two at a time as you complete your final chore. You barrel back down and don’t bother with a final goodbye as you head back out. For once, you feel accomplished. Like you’ve done something and you don’t give a heck what Andy feels.

You don’t look back, you just keep going. You falter but not from doubt, only the snow. You get back to the car and rip the door open, climbing in with a heave. You fall into the seat as you snap the door shut. You lean your head back and sigh.

“I’m ready to go now,” you say.

“Great,” he shifts into gear, “put your seat belt on, sweetheart, the roads are awful.”

You do as he says as you catch your breath. Your skin is buzzing from more than just the cold. You fold your hands as you try to settle your nerves. 

“Good girl,” Dr. Kemp praises, “we’ll be home soon.”

🕊️

It’s real once you walk through the front door. You look around at the home decor and nearly fall apart. The stringent, almost sterile walls of Andy’s house haunt you. It’s only then, with something to compare them to, that you realise how much you dreaded them. How much you despised them.

You look around and take in every inch. The brown leather bench beside the door, a tall coat rack on the other side of the entryway, a mat for your snow laden boots, and a runner rug with the honey coloured curlicues on a deeper shade of brown. There’s a faint smell of cedar in the air.

“Ann made up the guest room for you,” he says, “and the kids are at school so they shouldn’t be a bother.”

You stop short, your hands on the collar of your coat. You look at him, dull with shock. Your cheeks tremble as you gulp.

“Ann… your…”

“My wife, yeah,” he says coolly, “she’s excited to meet you.”

“She is?” You blink, “I uh…” your eyes flit all around, “I’m so sorry, this isn’t–”

“It’s fine,” he intones, “really. She understands how vulnerable some of them a safe space.”

It’s like a slap in the face. You don’t know what you expected or why you expected it. He’s your doctor, you’re his patient, a crazy person. How did you forget that?

You glance down at his hand, his left hand. There’s a gold ring on his finger. It wasn’t there before. Not in your sessions, not at Thanksgiving. Never. Why wasn’t he with his family during the holidays?

“I thought I heard the door,” a woman appears from the other end of the hall, “oh, this must be her.”

You bat your lashes, fighting to hold yourself together. Don’t cry yet. 

“Uh, hi,” you squeak as she struts down the hall.

“Hello, hon,” the tall blonde pulls you into a hug as you cower.

“Ann,” Kemp clears his throat.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I forget–” she lets you go, “I didn’t scare you, did I?”

You only shake your head. Your eyes are dry and itchy. You can only look back at her before slowly glancing at Steve. Your cheeks twinge and your lips pinch. He never told you about her. Why would he?

You feel like your chest is empty. There’s an icy whirlwind inside of you, flowing through you, sending a shiver up your spine. This is the worst thing you've ever felt. What is it?

“Ann,” Kemp says, “she's had a long night.”

“Oh, of course, you take her up to the guest room,” she backs off, “you take your time, hon, do whatever you need to do.”

You nod and mouth a thank you, unable to get any noise out. She goes back the way she came and you turn, focusing on undoing your coat. What have you done?

“I guess I should've warned you, huh? What with your… issues,” he rubs the back of his neck. “Just let me know if it gets too crowded around here.”

“Okay,” you croak.

You bend to wiggle free of your boots. You don't know what to do. You just want to be alone.

He leads you through the house. Into a cozy front room and to a staircase curled up to the second floor. You follow behind him, the tote bag dangling from your grasp.

He opens a door as he faces you. You try to hide your emotions but you can barely keep from frowning. He rests his hand on the door frame.

“This is you. I'm down at the very end,” he points over his shoulder, “if you need anything…”

“I'm sorry.”

“Sorry? For…”

“Coming here.”

“Sweetheart, I wouldn't say yes if it was a problem,” he coos as he reaches to caress your shoulder, “I wouldn't be a very good doctor if I don't make sure my patients are safe, huh?”

“I guess not,” you murmur.

“Look, you just get yourself situated. Try to relax. I know a lot's happened but you're strong. You can do this,” he leans in, “I believe in you.”

He kisses your forehead and you wince. His hand goes to your chin as he pulls away. You stare up at him.

“I meant it when I said you're special,” he hums.

“I…” you turn your head away from him, slipping free, “I need to lay down.”

“Sure,” he smirks and drops his hand, “I'll check in when I can.”

You turn into the bedroom, slouching through as you sense him behind you. You feel him watching, as if waiting for something. You refuse to look back.

“Just relax, sweetheart,” he purrs, “you're exactly where you need to be.”

The door shuts and you gasp as the bag falls from your hand. What does he mean?

[theambitiouswoman]

Hi! I'm not sure if you've done one before, and if you have, feel free to ignore this, I'll find the post, but do you have any tips on how to start your self love journey? I've been struggling from the beginning of the way and I've made some progress but I feel like it's not enough. And I'm not sure exactly where to go. I read so many posts on self care and self love but I don't know which to start with cause they all seem like something people who've been on that journey for a long time are doing. I guess I'm saying I'm lost and not sure where to start or continue 😅

How To Start Your Self Love Journey 🥰❤️‍🩹

1. Accept yourself and realize that you are worthy of self love: When you learn to love yourself, you won't feel scared of what others think about you, and you'll be able to embrace who you are. Figure out what you like and what you dislike. Create boundaries and learn your love language. This part of the self love journey is crucial. I recommend that everyone takes the time to figure out who they are and learn how to accept themselves.

2. Affirmations: Start using positive statements can help your brain think in a happier way. Even if you don't believe them at first, saying them repeatedly can make you start believing. Choose some positive statements and say them often. Write them on sticky notes and put them around your home.

3. Do Things You Love: No matter how busy you are, set aside time for activities you enjoy. Whether it's a short trip or reading a favorite author's book, prioritize things that make you happy.

The idea is to take charge and actively shape a life that brings you happiness, rather than settling for one that doesn't. Treat yourself kindly and give yourself the wonderful gift of a life filled with happiness.

4. Take Care of Your Body: A good 30 minutes of exercising can change your whole day and mood. Aside from exercising, you should change your diet to healthier options. The foods you eat affect your mood and energy. Don't forget to rest too.

5. Quit The Negative Self Talk: Self-talk is basically how we talk to ourselves. We tend to be really hard on ourselves. I wrote a post about it recently here. I suggest trying to find proof for your thoughts and questioning them. In short, focus on how you speak to yourself. Many of our thoughts are extreme or very black and white. Most of these thoughts aren't even original, our minds pick up so much throughout the day. Almost always, people project their own insecurities, values, fears, and opinions onto us. Treat yourself kindly.

6. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others: Comparison is the fastest way to bring yourself down. It doesn’t matter what other people are doing or how far they’ve come. Everyone works at his own pace. Everyone is unique, and no uniqueness is better than the other.

7. Don't Care What Others Think: This isn't just about rejecting criticism; it's also about not becoming too focused on compliments. Your value isn't determined by others' opinions. Don't rely on external sources to validate yourself. Your worth comes from within.

8. Forgive And Let Go: With emotional pain, we often extend our suffering by clutching onto negative emotions like guilt, shame, and resentment, sometimes indefinitely. Rather than releasing these emotions, we cling to them, replaying hurtful moments repeatedly, hoping the person who hurt us will feel the same pain. Yet, harboring resentment is akin to consuming poison and expecting our enemy to suffer. Clinging to bitterness doesn't alter anything; it merely confines us to our pain.

Forgiveness liberates us—it's about us, not the person we're forgiving. Prioritizing our well-being over being right, it takes responsibility for our happiness instead of placing it in someone else's hands. Happiness trumps being right. Freedom often hinges on picking happiness over being right. When someone makes a mistake, it can be more satisfying to let them believe they're right and move on, rather than stewing over it. Reflect on someone who irked you three years ago. Can you even recall them now? If so, does it still provoke irritation? If not, why invest energy in something you'll forget in a year or two? Once you genuinely forgive, release it entirely. Forgiveness involves moving beyond resentment, focusing on positive actions and intentions instead.

9. Start a Gratitude Journal: A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. You attract more good things in your life by being grateful for what you already have. Understanding what gratitude is can help you on your self love journey because of how you appreciate what you already have. Especially when we are in a place where we are only focused on the negative things in our life.

10. Practice Small Acts of Kindness For Yourself: Treat yourself to outings and buy things that make you happy. Set aside money for little things you enjoy. Remember, even the small gestures towards ourselves matter.

I suggest forming the habit of creating habits that lead you toward your desired life. A book I recommend is "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. It shows how habits can be positive or negative, and how doing something small daily can lead to significant outcomes.

11. Surround Yourself With Positivity: Watch motivational videos, and follow accounts promoting self-love and body positivity on social media, and unfollow those who make you feel bad. In real life too. Keep a Pinterest board with uplifting quotes. Use positivity to counter negativity. Aim to be realistic with your thoughts instead of assuming the worst. Focus on positive outcomes, and if that's hard, start with neutral thoughts.

Don't go to extremes with forced positivity. Aim for practical positivity. For instance, you might not be the absolute best, but you're a hard worker and your best is valuable. You might not excel at something today, but you can improve over time through effort.

12. Do A Lot of Self Reflecting: Write in your journal. Spend time alone. This is how you really understand yourself. Challenge your insecurities and the things you imagine about others. Figure out if you're accepting less than you deserve or if you're moving towards improvement.

13. Get To Know Yourself: The journey to personal growth begins with recognizing and embracing your true self before you start building and improving.

You can learn more about yourself by pondering these questions:

Am I Content with My Current Activities?

What Do I Want to Do?

Can I Turn My Passion into Reality?

By understanding yourself, including your values, priorities, motivations, sources of satisfaction, and abilities, you can discover your true desires and drive personal growth.

14. Realize That Going on A Self Love Journey Is Not Easy: Embarking on a journey of self-love involves a lot of heartache and healing. You might come across various self-love activities and advice, but the key is understanding that it requires dedication and effort. It's not a simple task. There will be moments when you feel like you've wasted a lot of time, prompting you to reevaluate your approach. There will be times when you believe you're making progress, only to realize there's more to work on. It's essential to recognize that you're taking significant steps to unlearn old habits and make changes.

My suggestion is to genuinely take a moment to understand that self-love is a commitment. It's like building a muscle that needs regular exercise. Think of it as tending to a plant that requires consistent care. Recognize that self-love isn't always about positivity; there are challenges to overcome as well. It's a realistic journey that involves ups and downs, rather than just an easy path of happiness.

15. Discover Your Purpose: Discovering your purpose can bring more happiness and fulfillment to your life. Each of us possesses unique talents and gifts to contribute to the world. When you share what you're meant to give, you align with your best self. Follow what feels right to you. You don't have to have it all figured out.

16. Take Action: Instead of getting stuck in overthinking and planning every detail perfectly, take action. Even if you're unsure, take that first step. You don't need a complete roadmap; just follow the path that feels right and see where it leads you. Your initial step might not instantly lead you to your dream scenario, but it could serve as a foundation. Regardless of where you find yourself, value your current position. Understand that every action you take along your journey contributes to your ultimate destination.

17. Don't Start Everything Anew: You don't have to build your ideal life completely from scratch. Observe what others are doing that deeply resonates with you and brings you a sense of vitality. Is it their well-structured routine, their freedom from routines, or perhaps their ability to travel extensively? The more precisely you identify the elements that ignite your passion, the easier it becomes to visualize and shape your own desired life.

18. Act As If: Embrace the "fake it till you make it" approach. Hold the belief that whatever you desire is attainable, even if there's no current proof of its possibility. Behave as though it's already unfolding and remain receptive to opportunities that guide you toward your objective.

19. Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People: You tend to adopt the mindset of those you spend the most time with. Avoid people who bring negativity, and instead, connect with individuals who view the world as abundant. Invest more time with those whose thinking you aspire to emulate. If you're lacking inspiring connections, seek out new friendships.

20. Give: Giving is one of our greatest joys. When we have faith in the abundant nature of our universe and freely offer, we elevate our energy and create an opportunity to receive abundance in return. When we withhold because of distrust in abundance, we inadvertently attract the very scarcity we wish to avoid. The universe operates on a balance of action and reaction, like inhaling and exhaling, giving and receiving. Hence, the more you give, the more you open yourself to receiving, and vice versa.

21. Gratitude In Real Life: Gratitude goes beyond mere politeness of saying "thank you" when given something. True gratitude involves being aware of and profoundly valuing the numerous blessings in your life. Since gratitude generates positive emotions, it elevates your energy to a high frequency, attracting more positive feeling

22. Change Your Story: The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives greatly. Often, we hold onto untrue beliefs like "I lack money" or "I'm not capable," which blinds us to the many possibilities and chances around us. To reshape your life, begin by realizing that you are the author of your life. When you decide to draft a better script, your life becomes more meaningful. To let go of old narratives, first, be aware of them. If there's something you want to do but haven't, ask why. What's stopping you? Every story you tell serves a purpose, whether it's healthy or not. For instance, if you believe you're depressed, you might avoid exerting yourself and receive attention. We often prioritize the benefits of our stories over our actual desires. Comfort becomes more important than seizing control of our lives.

Once you identify old stories and their hidden gains, compose fresh, empowering narratives. To make these new stories your reality, focus on them. Embrace the happiness and excitement they bring. Use them as affirmations, repeating them until they replace the old tales entirely.

Self love can lead to you to big personal transformations.

You'll treat yourself with greater compassion and understanding. Your self-support and ability to forgive will bring a sense of calmness. Embracing self love enables you to truly live and embrace each moment. Through it, you'll have more love to give to others, improving your relationships. You become the architect of your own happiness.

<3

[marshmallowprotection]

How do you forgive yourself after an event that has happened long ago which has hurt others you considered your siblings?

I know Saeran has more or less suffered a similar type of turmoil in one way or another. As much as I love him, I doubt he and I would be a good fit in the long run considering that he forgives so easily, and I do as well, yet I cannot say the same about removing personal shackles of the weight of past actions that have gravely wounded others.

I think a lot of people believe this misconception that Saeran would not want to be with them because they're not the forgiving type. I'm happy to explain this every time, you don't have to be the same as he is to be loved by him.

He doesn't expect you to change yourself to be the same as him. He wants you to be yourself, and if you are the kind of person who can't forgive, can't forget, and won't let go of it since it isn't hurting you or anyone else? He won't judge you. His brother is no different than that description. You think he loves his brother any less because of that?

Nope! Saeran understands that people have a right to their choices in life, and he is entitled to his choices just as much as you are to yours. Saeran's After Ending is about autonomy.

It's about the freedom to be a person. It's about not being shamed or made to feel bad for choosing a path that finds you catharsis and freedom from pain. You are not a bad person if you can't forgive, and Saeran will love you all the same no matter what you decide, my dear.

For Saeran to forgive himself, he knew he needed to confront the very people who shaped his anger and frustration with the world. When he adopted the mentality Rika forced on him, he tried to do survival of the fittest, taking facets of every cruel adult in his life to maintain his composure, but instead of being "strong", he hurt you, he hurt Ray, and he hurt himself. His journey of forgiveness is not to forgive those who hurt them and welcome them into his life.

It's to learn how to forgive himself for perpetuating the things that were done to him onto another person. You may have forgiven him back in the garden, but that never meant he forgave himself. That's what his journey was about. Understanding why the people who hurt him live the way they do helped him better understand himself. That was what he needed to start his journey of self-forgiveness.

You may need to take a different path in life.

That's okay.

That's the point.

Forgiveness isn't a one-size-fits-all package. This is something that is personal, in ways many can't even comprehend, and accepting this is your key to making progress in your journey of self-actualization.

I can not tell you the answer you're seeking, I'm afraid. This is something I think you need to meditate on yourself. What do you think is the best thing to do? I don't know what you did, I don't know how it happened, and I don't know the hurt it's caused.

In some cases, it's better to reflect and move forward because you can't get back what you lost. It's better to leave people alone and sit down with yourself so you can consider the weight of whatever went down. Is it okay to contact others? Yes? No? Ask yourself that before you think of anything else. Do you miss them? Do you want to say an apology first? Do you think they should apologize? There's a lot that goes into confronting old wounds.

Do you think talking to others will bring you closure? Or, is it better to accept that you need to view the situations with another lens and sit down to think about why it happened and what you need to do better this time around so you never make a mistake again? Do you think it's going to help your friends to talk about it? Do you think they need the same closure? Have they asked for it?

No situation is the same, but it sounds like what you need is to figure out what kind of closure you need to shut this book. You may not be able to forgive yourself now, or for a long time, but I do think you will feel a lot better if you think about what you need and what others in your life might need. When we hurt others, whether on purpose or on accident, we have to take accountability for it.

If you think you're a Rika in this situation... ask yourself: what do you think she should do? Apologize? Stay away? Write a letter? Accept it can never go back to what it was? Reflect on what you could've done better? Know that you need to change for the better so you don't hurt others nor yourself again? Really think about this, Anon, okay? I hope you're able to find your answer.

[vechter]

Top 5 Dick ships?

hello anon i think this is prolly gonna be the last one i do i've procrastinated enough today, also forgive me for not peppering this with enough comic panels i just can't be bothered to look for the issues 1) dick/roy- in my ideal world, dick moves back to new york after his batman stint and he and roy go on a crazy, adrenaline fuelled, bonkers mission to find lian, who is obviously not dead. brings things full circle to when they first got roy custody of lian from jade in nightwing: old friends/new enemies. they talk about roy's questionable titans for hire choices, dick's fear of being batman (let alone a really competent one) realized. they are both irretrievably changed from the last year but despite it all, they still fit. they find lian, cue heartbreaking reunion. and then they kiss <3 honestly tho they have so much history, roy started a whole ass team to help dick deal with his grief over donna despite the fact that roy loved her immensely too and was probably grieving her just as much. outsiders (2003) once again i am unable to be normal about it. 2) dick/kory- kory was probably the best thing to happen to dick. at a time in his life where he was hurting and struggling to figure out who he was beyond batman's partner, kory was a breath of fresh air. both she and dick have core desires of freedom but for dick, it tangles with the discipline and bruce of it all. they were so cute with their terms of endearment ("honey", "gorgeous", etc.), their pictures in each others' apartments, the way they were always touching. also just the fact that she can fly. the deeper meaning to kory will never let dick fall. it ended awfully and hurtfully but their love for each other changed them. for the better. they will always have that love for each other, even if they aren't in love with each other. i do think they are soulmates but very very clearly right person, wrong time.

3) dick/joey- im sorry none of those initial interactions were anything less than deeply, deeply homosexual. the way dick spent his entire birthday on tamaran monologuing at joey and joey heard it all. they have inside jokes! dick feels awe when he looks at him. also the fact that joey chooses to possess dick in titans. ahhhh what a fucking fantastic nuance to their dynamic.

4) dick/midnighter- when i do accept the existence of a post n52 world, midnighter is prolly one of my fav things to come from that era. i love the idea of a dick losing himself as a spy and subsequently choosing to engage in awful, awful self-destructing behaviour and midnighter clocking that but not rlly able to do more bc he's grieving his relationship with apollo, too. their relationship would just be a lot of adrenaline and lying and covert ops and it would be short-lived bc both of them know it isn't what they want, esp not even the person they want. also a lot of attempts to extract information from each other with progressively unhinged ways of flirting and stalking.

5) dick/being single i'm so serious,,, this is prolly my top one. he needs to be single bc either he is a staggeringly great partner or an awful one, no in between. i love him but if i were a fictional character and ever had to date him, i think i would combust from wanting to clock him. unfortunately, therapy will not fix him, i think it would just make him worse so he should just be single, untethered to any place or person (well, as untethered as you can be when you are as insane about bruce wayne as he is) and able to swing away. but also swing back to the people he loves.

[notmorbid]

...lost child, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from the story of the lost child by elena ferrante.

what do you know about ____ that i don't?

you think you can scare me?

some people are always saved, and some perish.

this city is dangerous. we have to go.

let's stay here. it will pass.

the outlines of things and people are delicate. they break like cotton thread.

i've always struggled to believe that life has firm boundaries.

what does that mean, 'protect'? it's only a word.

i was so afraid that i thought i was sick.

the only problem has always been the disquiet of my mind. i can't stop it.

that fabric that i weave by day is unraveled by night.

the terror remains. it's always in the crack between one normal thing and the other. it's there, waiting. i've always suspected it.

the ugliness of before was not supposed to be there anymore.

i can't manage to solidify myself around any goodwill.

_____ was right. i'm bad.

please, if i insult you, if i say ugly things to you, stop up your ears. i don't want to do it.

i wasn't well. i'm sorry. i filled your head with nonsense.

i know how i'm made.

you know what is behind my every word.

you're presumptuous. you always were.

people have to do what they feel like. otherwise, they get sick.

people are never happy alone.

better alone than in bad company.

lies are better than tranquilizers.

sometimes i don't know what to do with you.

you've always enjoyed disobedience.

i've always known about death, but i never thought it would happen to me.

even as a child, i knew i wasn't what the others thought. but i wasn't what i thought, either.

how would you act, in my place?

if they murder me, remember it was _____.

you've always been able to arrange things how you liked.

i didn't shed a tear, but the pain lasted for a long time.

i don't want to be a bigger burden than necessary.

you can't simply condemn. you have to get your hands dirty, if you want to change things.

you can't distinguish between a step forward, a step back, and standing still.

going home seems unthinkable.

all i do is make mistakes.

did you not even try to look for me?

if you have something to tell me, speak.

i know i'm mean to tell you these things, but ____ is the worst kind of meanness.

i wanted to tell you right away.

if they tell me to do a thing, i do it.

when you're in love, you forgive everything.

love not only doesn't have eyes; it doesn't have ears, either.

don't laugh.

i know i don't express myself well.

i'm trembling. can i sit next to you?

i want you now. this time only.

the hope of pleasure is the hardest to fulfill.

let me explain. it's essential. it's urgent.

i have confidence in you. you know what you're doing.

i told you, i don't understand anything.

i feel i'm in pieces, scattered all over.

i love you for how you are, your virtues and your flaws. everything.

i'm not with ____. i'm here.

you have the aura of a magician who casts spells and instills fear.

who are you, really?

i move things around in order to make them go the way i say.

didn't you say we have to change the neighborhood?

the law is fine, when you're dealing with people who pay attention if you merely say the word 'law'. but you know how it is here.

if people have no fear of the law, you have to instill the fear yourself.

do i not look like _____ anymore?

it's my fault. i don't know how to control myself.

i don't want to be photographed here.

you like talking shit?

[name] manipulates you, and you don't even realize it.

you're back already?

things are told or not told.

there's the chaos inside, and the chaos outside.

why do you act like that with me?

if there are any problems, telephone me, and i'll be right home.

i was sure you would know something.

let me take this moment to say goodbye.

you see ____ behind everything.

you wanted the law. the law has arrived.

it's not a question of love.

do what you think is best.

why should you be mad at me?

it's your life. you have the right to do what you want with it.

you don't know what freedom is.

i am continually in flight from my own body.

[lennadanvers]

Come cry with me. Today's menu is...

Eddie Munson's double heartbreak

The first time Eddie's heart breaks is at the end of the last year of highschool, when he finds out it's your last year, but not his.

All he can think about is how he is just not good enough. If he was, he'd have finished school at the first try. He'd have a future, bright, unexplored and far, far away from Hawkins right at his feet. If he was good enough, he'd be leaving with you. Hoping to share an apartment would be way too much to wish for, but he could be dreaming of living close to each other. He could be planning all the different ways he to run into you, like at the laundromat, even though he wouldn't need to, because you'd keep spending as much time together as you did up until then.

Deep down, he doesn't feel good enough to be a reason for you to stay, either. Is he better than the big city; wide, modern and free from Hawkins' suffocating routine? No, he's not. He's pretty fresh for a town like this one, but out there? Out there you have freedom. You can find something better to do than hang out in a small trailer, better places to go than the only record store in the area, and more interesting people than him.

But he's not bad enough to ask you to stay, either. Or to let the abyss that grows in his chest with every piece of tape he puts on your moving-too-fucking-far-away boxes show. So he jokes, maybe a little more than usual, a little more bitter than normal. He tells you stories of what you're going to find out there- with the same reality-fantasy ratio as his D&D campaigns. Takes deep breaths whenever you laugh, and, if he sneacked an old recorder to keep some of your giggles for later, could you blame him? Would you get mad if you knew the t-shirt that you thought was lost in the move is under his pillow to this day? Maybe you'd forgive him if you saw the way Eddie hugs it, pretending it's you, careful not to stain it with his tears. If you understood how lonely, empty, lost and completly unworthy he feels.

The second time Eddie's heart breaks is years later. He's prepared this time. He's had a lot of time to picture the moment you set foot in Hawkins again. To fear you never did. To dread you did, with someone at your side.

Being prepared doesn't help.

After all those years- now that your shirt has lost some of its color, and every trace of your scent- he stumbles upon you in the laundromat. Just like he had pictured in highschool, you're not looking at the door. There's an empty basket on top of the dryer, and a bottle of detergent they don't sell at Melvald's General Store. Some fancy, extravagant scent, he's sure, and Eddie has never felt such an intense hatred for an object, except, perhaps, for the moving truck that took you away.

He trips over the flower pot that's been at the door forever, and you turn around.

It takes a stupid second to click. Then the familiar look floods your eyes, and Eddie feels the kick to his chest. Your smile is brighter, somehow. Less playful. Calmer. Those expression lines are new. Your eyebrows are more defined, which makes you look gorgeous in a foreign way. You're wearing make up, lips can't naturally change color in such a drastic way, and how bad would it be if he stepped closer and wiped the lipstick off? Your clothes are also different. Your legs. Your hair. You've changed.

You've grown.

He blinks to the side, the same old Eddie staring back at him from the reflection on the window. Maybe a little paler than usual, but still.

Eddie looks back at you, and the heartbreak settles yet again in his chest. Because, even tough you run up to hug him, it doesn't feel right. You don't smell like you, but like the detergent imported from your new life. The version of you that came back is not the one that left. He realizes he doesn't know you anymore when his arms tangle awkwardly around you. It sucks.

Because he still loves you, despite all the years and the pain.

Because you'll never come back; and it's too late for him to go after you. He should have done that years ago.

[daboyau]

@tmntstorycomp

(I hope I characterized Massy okay….)

The smell of old tomes and dust is almost comforting in its familiarity. It reminds Four of better days, when Draxum still treated them as children instead of weapons. He would gather them together before bed to read to them most nights, tales of ancient yokai and how their world was before the humans had forced them underground. Wandering through the rows and rows of towering bookshelves now makes him smile, running his fingertips along dusty spines, eyes scanning over titles in languages both foreign and familiar. It’s strange, how such a distant memory can make a strange place feel familiar. 

“Oh, there is no way,” he hears his brother muttering as he scales the shelves, and he smiles to himself when he hears him let out a delighted shriek. Two tumbles to the ground from almost nine feet up, landing on all fours like a cat before popping to his feet and hoisting a massive tome into the air with a crow of, “First edition!”

“Could you please be quiet?” One hisses, eyes darting around like he’s expecting someone to appear at any moment to kick them out. Four can’t blame him; he feels the same. Like any moment this might end. 

It’s been too good to be true, really. Everyone has been so nice, and they’ve gotten to explore the seemingly endless halls and rooms of the competition arena. Well, arena is maybe the wrong word. It’s way too cozy for such a harsh title, and their competitors far too friendly! Even though his brothers have been so suspicious and uncertain, Four has been having a good time meeting new people as they explore. Everyone seems so happy here, handing out treats with smiles, or wanting to talk to them, or showing off cool outfits! It’s fun!

Still, he can’t ignore the slight prickling sensation he gets at the back of his shell sometimes. The uncomfortable feeling of being watched and judged, like they are nothing more than someone’s entertainment. He can’t deny that sometimes, when they wander down deserted corridors that go on and on without a single bend or twist only to end up emerging right back where they started, the reminder that they are prisoners here until their time runs out makes his blood run cold. 

For as much as they’ve been all but trapped at Draxum’s fortress for his whole life, at least there he’d been able to see the chance at freedom. All they had to do was get bigger and stronger, and once they were, they could start going to the surface to begin the kill-all-humans plan! Plus, sometimes Draxum took them with him when he went to the Hidden City when they were little! Four still remembers how colorful and full of life it had been. Those trips had been what made him understand more about why their creator wanted to protect the yokai and let them go aboveground again. 

For as nice as this place is, and as fun as it’s been to meet so many new people, it does make him feel a little fidgety if he thinks about it too much. So it’s probably better not to think about it, right? He could let One do all the worrying for him! 

He giggles at the thought and scurried over to climb his biggest brother’s shell. One chuffs his displeasure, but Four can feel the way he’s smiling when he rubs their cheeks together. It’s nice to be able to show his brothers how much he loves them without having to worry about Draxum seeing them. He’s spent more time with them this last week than he’s been able to for years! He can forgive all the creepy feelings this place sometimes gives him for that reason alone. 

“You two are adorable, really,” Three drawls, his eyes dark and darting around the space despite his light and teasing tone. Two’s head snaps up when he hears his designation, though he immediately goes back to burying his nose in the book once he realizes his batch-mate isn’t addressing him. Three crosses his arms and cocks a hip. “Maybe we could move somewhere a little easier to guard, though.” 

“You worry too much,” Four whines over the sound of One agreeing with Three’s suggestion. His voice sounds all hollow and strange in the quiet of the library shelves, swallowed up by the old pages and worn leather. He leans back dramatically, and One grumbles as he catches his ankle and holds him in place so he won’t go tumbling backwards off his shell or accidentally poke an eye out on a spike. Four grins as he lays upside down, braced between ridges and kept safe by One’s careful hold. The touch sends prickles of phantom pain up his leg, but he does his best to ignore it. The wounds are all healed already, so One doesn’t need to know that his hand is right over where the Counsel Yokai had started cutting during their first testing session. It’s okay! He’s okay! No need to make his brother feel bad! 

He fights to keep his voice bright and cheerful as he says, “Two agrees with me, right?” 

Four sits up to perch on One’s shoulder just in time to see his brother look up from his book again, blinking as his eyes dart between the three of them, trying to assess without having paid attention to the conversation who he should be agreeing with. Four gives him his best pleading expression. Two just shrugs and mumbles, “Three’s probably right about whatever it is.”

“Betrayal!” Four gasps as Three and One both turn to give him smug looks. He tips backwards once again, groaning dejectedly, and One sighs as he reaches to catch his ankle again. Four does his best not to flinch. 

“Two, you have five minutes to gather whatever books you want. Then we’re finding somewhere less exposed for you to read in.”

One’s voice leaves no room for argument now that a decision has been made, but Two still whines. Should’ve sided with Four, if he didn’t want to leave. 

“Play stupid games, get stupid prizes,” Four hums to himself, twisting a little to make himself more comfortable. The blood is all rushing to his head, making him feel a little spinny. It’s good training, probably, but more than that it’s fun. It makes him smile and he can feel the small, contented rumblings One is making when he’s pressed this close. 

He squirms a little more, and right when he is getting as comfortable as he can be, his eyes fall upon a new figure lurking at the end of the aisle. Four doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, just to make sure that this isn’t just another competitor passing by, but in the span between one blink and the next, the other turtle has gotten closer. He moves with the easy confidence of a predator, despite the peppy little bounce in his steps. This is someone who is powerful—or at least someone who wants them to think he is.

“Oh,” Four says, and that is enough to silence the bickering and have his brothers immediately on guard. One whirls around to face the newcomer, releasing his hold on Four’s ankle as he does. Four uses the momentum of the turn to push himself fully off his brother’s shell, avoiding the spikes as he twists through the air and lands in a crouch. Two and Three have moved to flank One, but Four hangs towards the back of the formation, guarding their rear and keeping an eye on the surrounding shelves in case an ambush comes from the back or from above. 

“Stupid games, stupid prizes, huh?” the newcomer says, voice loud and tipped with a mocking edge. Four frowns and risks a glance back towards the stranger, almost certain he recognizes their voice. A beat, and then his eyes go wide when he realizes he recognizes him. 

“You!” he shouts, and the word gets swallowed up again by the books stacked neatly all around them. Still, judging by the way his brothers turn to stare at him with the dumb expressions they wear when they’re trying not to laugh, they all heard the way his voice had cracked.

“Me!” the black masked turtle repeats, grinning widely, eyes bright and shining. Despite that, though, Four can’t help but think that he doesn’t really look very happy at all. It kind of reminds him a little bit of the way Three smiles when he’s trying to pretend like everything’s okay, or even Four’s own too-wide grins when he’s doing his best to keep his brothers happy. He pushes aside the little swell of curiosity and sympathy, and instead pushes past his brothers to point at the other turtle. Two raises a brow ridge, but silently moves to guard the rear in his stead.

“You’re the one who brought us all here!” he accuses, stepping closer and lifting onto his toes to try to get face to face with the other turtle. He’s probably only a few years older than them, same as a lot of the other turtle mutants here, but he seems…different than the others. Timeless, yet stuck exactly how he is now.

One snarls and catches the lip of Four’s shell, pulling him back a couple steps before he can shove a finger into their captor’s face. Probably for the best; for all they know, this guy could be a biter, like Two. Four doesn’t really want to find out whether they can regrow a finger once it’s been bitten off inside a library. The blood would probably stain the books!

“Wow, you remembered something vital to the lore,” their captor says instead of trying to defend himself or deny it, snorting out a sarcastic almost-laugh. A shoulder lifts in a little half shrug and he splays his hands out to the side, giving them a wiggle like he’s celebrating something. The comic book clutched in his hand rustles as the pages flutter with the motion. “Congratulations!”

Unlike them, his voice doesn’t seem to disappear into the pages surrounding them. It echoes and amplifies, like the whole world wants to listen in and is bending reality to make it happen. That uncomfortable, prickling feeling of being watched tickles at the back of his neck again. Four bites his tongue, tasting blood, trying to resist the urge to shudder. He doesn’t want anyone else to know how much the strange feeling affects him.

“What do you want?” One asks. His voice is low and dangerously calm. It doesn’t seem like the black masked turtle notices or cares about the unspoken threat in the way One’s fists curl, or how he bares his fangs. 

“That’s for me to know, and you to…probably not find out, actually!” he singsongs, and in the hand not carrying the comic book, he twirls a pen. The way it flips and spins is almost hypnotic, and Four has to bite down a little harder to find the strength to look away.

Three moves a little closer, and Four watches the way his head tips from the corner of his eye as his brother assesses the situation. Always searching for weaknesses and ways out. It’s part of what he was made for, after all. His eyes roam from the comic book, to the pen, to the necklace tied around his neck. The pendant sways back and forth slowly, strangely soundless as it brushes against his plastron. 

“Are you going to hurt us?” Four asks, trying to keep those yellow eyes focused on him and away from Three. His hands flex at his side, wishing for weapons. His claws will have to do, if it comes down to a fight. The black masked turtle’s smile falters at his question, the briefest flicker of surprise, and maybe a little hurt, too. It’s like he never even considered that that might be a concern. It makes Four feel a little bit better, actually. As quick as it was there, though, that flicker is gone. Their captor tips his head back to laugh, careless as he exposes his throat to them. Three’s arm flashes out across One’s chest, keeping him from lunging for the opening presented. 

Against his plastron, the black skull pendant sparks a sickly green. It reminds Four a little bit of the empyrean that Draxum collects each month. He doesn’t like it. Before he can think much more about it, though, the laughter cuts off just as quickly as it came on, and the silence left in its wake seems to ring. 

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” he says, head still tipped back. His teeth are bared in a smile, but there’s something distant and haunted in his eyes as his words disappear into the shadows of the impossibly tall ceilings above them. 

Four can’t help but wonder if the answer is just as much of a mystery to Massy as it is to the rest of them. 

[dearunreliablenarrator]

✨Good day!✨

For the elemental asks:

Psionics: How do you get into the heads of your characters?

Summer: How do you know when you need a break from writing?

also have an awesome day ✨

✨pip pip✨

before we start: TL;DR! i think back to traumatic experiences and drop them in that situation, john quiñones dupe🤩 ; forcing myself to write is like shittin’, push too hard and you’ll get a hemorrhoid.

psionics: How do you get into the heads of your characters?

we’ll stick with the big three for this one. and forgive me when it gets a little mystical in here. and maybe a wee bit sappy. now, i’m a whole hearted believer in that characters are reflective of their creator, from avoiding topics to indulging in them. with that being said,

Grace Davis & Simone Thompson (CUTS): these girls and their stories, are the unfortunate outlet to being black, queer, and depressed in the height of covid. the world shut down on itself and so did its people. we isolated ourselves in more way than one. i think i missed out on one of many crucial parts of life that evolve self exploration and expression.

their heads, just like mine at that time, are riddled with the worries of adjusting to college life (for context, i was a freshman in college when covid hit) not just once but twice. as they never truly bounced back like that world demanded; go back to normal and ignore the plight of those around you, rise and grind.

spiritually, they reflect my ascendant (yes i know some people have ruined the name of astrology but stick with me). which is in scorpio-in a degree i don’t know much about-- so boom we have the moon which is believed to be the face of emotions and scorpio which rules the genitals. can you imagine the turmoil of an isolated new adult unable to express themselves because the forces at hand are too strong to handle alone? they're watching the world burn and being stinged by its flames and now they have somehow glue the pieces back; everyone please bow your head in prayer for these young ladies.

amen.

and we’ll keep forces as a general term, as it’s different for everyone. (psht! spoiler, one got to be gay in peace and the other has a homophobic father 🥰) i also really started my deconstruction on religion here so that’ll be in there too but enough on them today, let’s move on to our romantics.

Warren and Elaine: omg being a romantic these days is so hard! and as the reflection of my thoughts on that, they’re here to show you that romance is only perceived as dead cause it’s not easy! they are my characters to stage the perfect romance; and in my our heads that involves knowing when to say you don’t know and when to say you’re wrong.

and i think we’ll keep it short n’ sweet for them, i fear i will get off topic so onto FREEDOM

Emilia: while not the only star to this show, is the reflection of wee little saturn before they became a gas giant. so she's sheltered, protected, and ignorant to how the world works. but as someone who has a curiosity for everything, she wants to explore what's been hidden from her as a child and to test the limitations of humanity. long story short, we working with the inner child and teen here, a good coming of age like the movies.

alright! still with me? cool..

Summer: How do you know when you need a break from writing?

over the years, i've learned that bad shit has to come out to be polished into a good one. with that being said, when it starts to become a struggle instead of a challenge, i stop. point blank, complete shutdown. if it feels like something isnt flowing in a way i'm used to, i step away. which is sometimes hard, because i feel like we all want to produce something every second; but that has burned me out. so when it feels like i can't get myself to create what i've envisioned, i just take a break. breaks are good. rest is good. you alway come back better than if you had churned out something just to flush it.

---

anyways in the midst of my ramblings, i hope i've made sense (feel free to ask questions, i don't bite)! have a good day/night/evening/mornin'!

[poshwitchx]

Broken hearted Two </3

I would go on more about that. But needless to say. I broke down in church. They started playing a song I listen to frequently at the end of the service. I also really resonated with the service like the message the pastor was teaching was exactly what I needed today and gave me a lot of personal revelations. But at the end this song came on and I broke down and cried and was shaking. Partially from the pain of heartbreak, the pain of my life and the things I've been through, but in the lyrics when it says,

"I just wanna speak the name of Jesus 'Til every dark addiction starts to break Declaring there is hope and there is freedom I speak Jesus"

and I just fkn lost it... first of all the pastor said they were singing it as a prayer, and I sing this song literally multiple times a week while I'm working. And how am I able to be a good servant of Jesus when I to am so flawed and a sinner? Anyway I broke down at the second line "Til every dark addiction starts to break... because my ex bf had a drug problem and was contemplating rehab and I honestly don't think he would have treated me the way he did if he was sober now. And I broke up with him, not because he lied to me about going to rehab and made me cry for a week about it, no no I forgave that because I am way to forgiving one, but no it was because he didn't care. He didn't call me and he didn't apologize. And he had been leaving me on read so much that I felt like he wanted me to breakup with him anyway. And especially if you lie about something as serious as going to rehab for a year to your girlfriend. There has to be a reason. Which of course he didn't divulge which also left me in an emotional limbo. So with that said... I broke the fuck down in church crying to this song. Hoping for him that he would get sober for himself. He could give a fuck about me... but when I love someone I can't fucking help it cause I'm real... anyway a nice old lady saw me crying, and lots of people to be honest and I don't really care what people think anymore... but anyways she came over and gave me a tissue when the song ended and we prayed for my ex together... I really hope he can get sober and be a better person in general. I don't know why he did what he did to me. If our entire relationship was just a game or a joke, but to me it was real. And I really hurt. And that's ok. Satan is crafty. He will destroy anything good. And my ex getting sober is NOT what Satan wants. And the only person who can chose rehab is my ex. So I hope he goes. And I won't know because he doesn't respond to my messages anyways. I assume because it's his birthday tomorrow that he's already got a new girl or got with an ex girl and is fucking around. Like I didn't mean anything. I could be wrong but that's just been my experience with men sadly. They move on and cheat more often then not. Anyway, I hope he gets better. All I can do is pray for him and let him go. Love isn't one to be clung unto very tightly. Sometimes love is letting someone go. Letting someone go so they can figure it out, and hopefully get better someday. I hope for himself. Not for me. I don't matter anyways... here's the song.

[thesacredself]

Gemini Season: Air Signs

Themes and advice for Gemini Season. Please check your sun, moon, rising, and venus and take what resonates ✨

Gemini: addressing wounds, especially around money; new environments, approaches, or ways of living; transforming how you work; empathy; self-acceptance; acceptance of the situation; changing values around finance and striving; purging of old ideas around what you value; valuing yourself and your health over material accumulation; compassion; addressing where you feel shame; potential travel; trusting in the abundance of the universe; confronting capitalist/materialist ideas; breaking cycles; trust and faith; removing scarcity thinking; letting yourself be; altering ideology/philosophy; potential inheritance; receiving gifts; recognising toxic patterns of behaviour; deepening sense of peace; forgiveness; letting go; being open-minded; evolution; exploration; broadening your understanding; slowing down; organic growth; patience; persistence; new insights and wisdom; spiritual lessons.

Libra: cultivating peace; resting; knowing you can take a break; trusting you’re where you’re meant to be; new beginnings; forgiveness; small steps; trusting your process; open-heartedness; tension; aligning with your highest self; not allowing yourself to be defined; change; evolution; owning who you are; communicating your needs and wants; progress in how you value yourself, pushing past fears or concerns around rest; forward movement; a power struggle, especially with those in your everyday environment; initiation; being bold; coming out of your comfort one; progress in finances or work projects; developing self-worth; understanding how your mentality can hold you back; insights into how to move ahead; facing the challenging parts of yourself; compassion and understanding; releasing judgement; being intentional about how you wish to overcome obstacles; using intentions to propel you forward; understanding how other people’s opinions and behaviours affect you or contrast your own values; being more open-minded.

Aquarius: being of service to others; expanding your definition of the self; finding forgiveness for past and present mistakes; finding freedom in lightening your connections to all around you; connecting to your higher self; softness; re-arranging daily routines to support yourself better; forgiving but not forgetting; having boundaries; healing; knowing what is yours to receive and what needs to be released; addressing escapist tendencies; knowing your personal ethical code; recognising when your mentality is holding you back; forward-thinking; gaining optimism; exploration; re-evaluating your responses to life; reflection; beginning anew; making space for your emotional needs; acting with integrity; knowing what you value so that you can move forward; navigating from authenticity; exploring non-attachment; making time daily for reflection and a mental/emotional check-up; remembering to be present with self; fearing change or new ways of living; creating routines around wellness, so you can show up in other areas.

If you liked my readings, feel free to leave a tip on my kofi 🥰 link is in my bio!

[httyddragonfox]

Saeran's abuse in the Ray Route.

There are several kinds of abuse, and for the Ray Route I believe Cheritz pulled out all the stops. What's worse is this is reflecting the kind of abuse Saeran himself went through.

Yeah, and we're supposed to forgive him for a good ending. Well, we are the ones who wanted a Unknown route, and Unknown is already dangerous, so what were we really expecting? We were getting what we asked for.

Let's break down all the different kinds of abuse explored in the Ray Route. WARNING: This may be triggering for some people, (especially those who have encountered similar abuse in the past) that is why I'm only including this section for those who believe they can handle it.

Physical: the most well known kind of abuse. Leaving marks on another person's body, due to rage or a form of control. Saeran inflicts this by biting us, pinning us against hard surfaces, and later squeezing our arms roughly with an intention of killing us. Saeran's mother apparently did every form of physical abuse under the sun. She pulled his hair, his arms roughly, strangled him, and hit him. He went through every day believing she was going to hurt him.

Neglect: Mainly seen in the form of child abuse, but can be used on older people as well. For starters, we are locked in our room, similarly to how he was tied up in his mom's kitchen. This denies someone freedom of movement. Also, seeing as we are denied freedom of movement, we cannot feed ourselves. Denying food for someone is a good way to make someone weak enough so you can control them, also there is a constant threat of starvation, this way you feel more grateful when they feed you and this can induce Stockholm syndrome. Saeran's mother denied him food and water plenty of times, so much so Rika and V were shocked at the state they found him in. In Ray's route we're denied food enough that we get a little skinnier, enough for Ray to notice (Only a couple days worth, but okay).

Emotional: Very subtle form of abuse, it's where your emotions are not treated with validation. What we do see from Saeran, he treats our emotions as forms of entertainment. Asking to show us different emotions, unsympathetic to how we are actually feeling. If we cry, he laughs; he taunts us into getting mad so he could "mess" with us more. Moreover, he plays with our feelings of love we have for Ray, saying we're idiots for doing so, and saying it's not real when we don't act accordingly. Saeran's mother told him to not be happy just because he was alive, and it made him feel like there was no reason to be happy. His brother wasn't around to make him feel happy otherwise, so he ended up feeling miserable.

Verbal: This one can be overlooked as just spats, but if unchecked can lead to trauma. Verbal abuse is the form of constant yelling, threats and insults directed towards a person in order to make them feel lesser and keep them in line. Saeran started insulting us the first moment he got, saying our smell is terrible, we're terrible, we're an idiot, we're an airhead, we're living in a fantasy, we're useless. He constantly threatens us with cleansing, being to moved to the basement and tortured worse, being killed. In the Bad Ending, he threatens us more by saying he'll get a girlfriend who's better than us. Saeran was also insulted by his mother tons, who called him a waste of space, an airhead, useless, and so on. She also threatened him a lot, mainly under threat of death. She kept telling him that she was going to "throw him away."

Psychological: this one is quite terrifying and dangerous. This is where the abuser makes the victim think they are the problem, where they try to control every aspect of their life (What they eat, what they do, what they think, what they wear, etc), and where they isolate them so the victim can only depend on the abuser. This abuse is usually employed so that the abuser can get away with the other forms of abuse. With Saeran, he immediately let's us know he's watching all of our social activity, hacking in to both a call from V and a chat room with Jaehee to remind us not to say anything. Later he has a camera installed in our room so he can watch everything we do. He makes sure that no other believer can enter our room, just him and the savior. In a later call he tells us he's all we've got, so we have to do everything he says if we want to survive. When he cuts off contact from the RFA, he tells us that the RFA didn't even need us and they don't even miss us. Whenever he's about to hurt us, he reminds us of our "faults:" choosing to go there in the first place, encouraging ray, talking back to him, backing away from him, etc. He tries to control us by telling us to be silent, only saying "Yes" to whatever he says. In the Bad Ending he gives us gifts and then cruelly takes them away saying we don't deserve them. Saeran's mother was similar, in the Christmas DLC he was told he didn't deserve presents because he was a naughty kid. He was constantly reminded of the threat of his father so that he'd stay inside with his mother. Even when his mother died, he was sad because she never left him. His mother constantly demanded his obedience and his silence, wanting him to be silent if not saying "yes" to whatever she said.

Sexual: This involves touching those inappropriately or doing sexual or romantic acts towards them without their consent, or otherwise coercing the victim to take part in said acts, removing their bodily autonomy. This is normally between couples or potential couples, but can be between generational gaps such as parent and child (Those people deserve to burn). This is actually something that never happened to Saeran (thank god), but Saeran likes us. With everything else applied, he's going to be forceful with this one. He bites us on the neck, pins us against hard surfaces, gets in our personal space and tries to get us to kiss him, with threats of torture if we don't. In the 2nd Bad Ending, it's implied this is more recurring.

There is also another one, that is sometimes used, but not often.

Substance: This is where someone drugs the victim without their consent. This is usually done to make them infantile, weak (poisoned) make them vulnerable to sexual abuse, or to make them a doll (for any reason). Saeran endured this with Rika as a form of brainwashing, and wants us to endure it in other routes. Of course in his route, he says we don't deserve it. The irony there, we trade out being drugged for being insulted and threatened.

[papirouge]

gamergaters redpill podcast bros have moved on from brie Larson to Rachel Ziegler I noticed. while they also are making 50 min long videos dissecting how fictional female characters are actually more evil than real life male criminals who have committed rape, murder and organized crime rings

They only acknowledge organized crimes to own up the left somehow. Remember how extra they've been about The Sound of Freedom? They were more obsessed about lEftiSts MediAs shitting on this movie than its message. Their literally campaigned the film as "the movie the left doesn't want you to see". 99% of the right ideological standpoint relies on opposing everything the left does or says. Not proposing actually alternatives. That's why conservatives are so bad at creating new concepts, news ideas, new slang (they have to hijack already existing one such as #blue/alllivesmatter, #mentoo, woke, etc). They hate on liberals but lowkey LOVE liberal creativity lol

Or Balenciaga. I'll never forgive conservatives for turning the fight against pedophilia as a left/ vs right thing. To them it's like all pedophiles were from the left and that only the left protected pedophiles.... But if a conservative man is accused of rape? it's the left woke witch hunt!! Hasn't Kevin Spacey recent got invited by Tucker Carlson....? 👀 Lmao let's get real : conservatives don't care about pedophilia, they can't about "LEFTISTS" pedophiles. They are a lost cause.

Those grown men in their 30s 40s 50s being deadass seething about a DOLL MOVIE has to be the best example of the Western decadence IDC

Those idiots being whining day and night about their own extinction when their own stupidity IS the reason why they go extinct. Can you imagine if instead of spending hours in their basement making podcast seething on imaginary women they would go outside meet real ones, try to fix their awful personality, etc. The government shouldn't forbid selling mics to male between the age of 10 and 60. Deadass.

It's no coincidence the lots of them are roman empire simps. They follow the same self destructive moral & intellectual decadence. Very ironic to see them get so mad at gays and call them all pedophiles - those "LGBT groomers" are very close to the trv roman empire lifestyle & its institutional pedophilia. They should actually look up to them for that lmao

And they constantly be moaning about how people don't make babies anymore but how do they expect breeding when they endorse the most repulsive behavior that could exist in a man. Seeing a man whining about a little girls movie turns my eggs dry TBH and I know I'm not the one. Them being old fat and unattractive doesn't help too - but they for sure think they have room nitpicking the attractiveness of women half their age... If we could make energy out of delusion conservative men would be soooo useful....

That's why my theory is that the push for redpill/Andrew Tate content is a psy-op warfare against young men to make them self sabotaging themselves because those old farts cannot deal with them having better chance at dating young women. "If they can't have them, no one will". It's crazy how no one ever point out how those redpill dating coaches are all single. Do I need to remind them the fate of Kevin Samuels who died alone in a hotel room next to a Mexican prostitute? or that conservative man who got a very public (filmed) violent fallout/divorce with his wife?? Tate caught in DV?? THIS is their kings. They are unable to keep women, or they have to PAY them to have/keep them. Tragic.

[csuitebitches]

I keep on having dreams about my old friend. The dreams aren’t sexual or anything of the sort, they’re just us hanging out, the latest one we were sort of running away (?) together. I can’t exactly recall the dream. Said friend never texted me and still doesn’t which is why I cut off contact. They only contacted me a few times during one period where I was having a hard time, this stuck with me because no one else checked in on me. However, they were my friend of 5 or so years. I can’t help but miss them though. I’ve never had a relationship like that and sometimes I’m afraid I never will. Lately I’ve been isolating which could be why I’m yearning for an old relationship. What should I do?

I’m sorry you have to go through that, it sounds very draining.

I’m going to give you some tough love. Your friend isn’t the one to blame if you’ve been isolating, that’s something that is mostly in your own control. I understand that you’ve had a hard time in the past, but that doesn’t mean that you make things difficult for your future self.

We all need relationships in our life. Human beings are social animals.

If said friend was someone who you had to cut off, then maintain that discipline for yourself. Don’t get stuck in a loop of cutting them out and then getting back with them in the short run. However, don’t discount the fact that people can change and do change with time. Perhaps now is not the best time to be friends, perhaps in a few years, when you’ve both matured, it will be easier to be friends again - but let that happen organically. But also reflect on where YOU could have gone wrong in that friendship. Ending a friendship is often two ways, although we may see it as one way- both parties, to an extent, have a percentage that they’re responsible for. I’m not telling you to be hard on yourself, I’m telling you to be objective. Be honest with yourself.

Here’s the best thing about ending this relationship- you now have the time and freedom to meet new people and make authentic friendships. Sure, it might feel weird at first, you might feel guarded at first, but life is all about experiences - and sometimes slightly awkward situations result in something that could be the opposite.

Making new friends isn’t easy and we often sacrifice our peace of mind for the comfort of an old relationship, but thats an unhealthy, torturous cycle.

It’s perfectly normal to miss your former friend, who wouldn’t? Even in a bad relationship there are good memories. That’s what makes moving on so difficult.

Remember the best part of your friendship and try to look back at the fondly without getting emotionally worked up about it. Forgive the person if you can, for the sake of your own peace. But don’t forget the lessons you’ve learned from that friendship- the new boundaries you know you will have to set with friends, the things you will not tolerate in any relationship.

Focus on yourself this year. Focus on being the best version you know you deserve, hang out with people you feel bring light to your life. Go to events, do some volunteer work, try to meet new people. It doesn’t matter whether you hit it off with them or not - even conversing with someone new can be an interesting experience. How do you know that you wont have a similar type of friendship - or even one better! - unless you go out there and try? With what right can you make such a harsh judgment? That’s your fear and your own insecurity telling you that you probably don’t deserve something beautiful. That’s not true. There’s billions of people on this planet, its just a matter of time that you will resonate with someone. But you have to make that happen for yourself.

Getting out of a slump is difficult, but even doing small things may do wonders for you. I’m rooting for you xx

[ruminate88]

what would you do if…

What if your narcissistic ex randomly started texting you and telling you they’re in therapy, they are trying to change themselves and they realize now that maybe they weren’t the best towards you and they hope they can be in your life still, what would you do or think?

for me, I would be excited for them, but there would still be that part of me that didn’t believe them at all just based off of all the lying and deception they did prior in my life, but I would definitely continue to pray for them, and I would have to let them know that they lost me. They lost someone that wanted to help them, but we probably weren’t even compatible and now I’m with someone that I actually feel comfortable with. I feel safe with my new man. I feel like I can possibly build a good life with him and maybe it’s the safe route, but I would rather play the safe route and I keep my sanity than to risk it all, and to go for someone that I’m not sure they aren’t still having 500 girlfriends at the same time !

A lesson I have learned in my life is you SHOULD forgive people because it frees up your mental health and makes you feel at peace with yourself. It’s good to forgive people; it’s healing towards you, however, you don’t have to trust that person ever again and you can love people from a distance but you DO NOT have to be best friends with them and do not let any of those types of people intimidate you and make you feel bad for not wanting to be close to them because you have healthy boundaries against them, their abuse AND you need to keep those boundaries because it keeps you having a healthier mind! Just trust me because when I dealt with multiple narcissist in my past, I struggled with my mental health every day during that time. I was depressed, anxious, suicidal, I heard and saw scary things all around me, all the time and I struggled to sleep at night because I just I wasn’t happy with my life. I was very confused!! There’s so much fog surrounding the narcissist and frustration. It’s just not worth it!! 😝 It doesn’t mean you hate those people, you just hate the atmosphere they put you in! It’s a VERY toxic atmosphere, and I do pray my exes would find themselves healing and becoming better men BUT that’s between them and God!!! I can’t do anything for them, but love them from a distance…

No one is better than the other person. I’ve never thought “I’m a better person than my exes” no… I just personally believe we view the world differently and they truly can’t feel for me the feelings I felt for them. I believe they think it’s normal to lie, cheat and manipulate to get “success” in life and of course I see the world very differently than them. Doesn’t make me “better” just I KNOW how much safer and healthier I feel without the narcs in my personal space. Keep them far back from me and I don’t know their traumas or problems. They would never let me inside anyway to try to understand. They put on their handsome smiles and act like everything is just great when I KNOW they struggle and hurt inside but I can’t control that either. 🙃🥲

(Don’t forget that forgiveness doesn’t excuse or change whatever that person did to you, it gives you freedom AND helps you to move forward in life. Let that person who hurt you GO and don’t keep holding a grudge but I know it’s not easy because they hurt you so much. Work on it a little each day ♥️)