#lets hope i get a good grade
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct” that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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(this is in-universe too, let my man discover Ms paint and happiness. Strawberry has a fursona too and they do art trades with eachother)
#LET BRAVE BE HAPPY 2024#he kills a god like every other Tuesday in both timelines (ovenbreak and kingdom)#He’s around 13-14 rn right? His biggest worry should be “I hope I get a good grade on today’s history test”#Not “a LOT of adults want me and my friends dead. Time to go fight a god because they haven’t gone to therapy”#Or “me and my friends just escaped being prey to a giant witch monster and we’re kinda homeless now so time to wander and oops the-#-god of time wants my head on a stake”#Istg he’s a BABY#cookie run#crob#my art#art#gingerbrave#crk#cookie run kingdom#Cringerbrave#GingerBunny
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its 10:47pm and i finally finished my paper, i would have typed it but i’ll be way to late so i’ll do it at school tomorrow
during my 11 paragraph research paper thats due tomorrow at 3pm 🥰🥰
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I'm gonna have to wait out a few weeks to be able to complain about jjk's ending bc rn half the ppl are bashing everyone who expected more as ppl who just wanted gojo back
#jjk 271#like no I can read I understood that gojo was gone for good from 236 bUT we can still talk about#how a grown ass man and his grown ass friends deciding how they were at 16 was their perfect forms.#before they made all the important life changing decisions. is a regression right#like can we talk about how the narrative just glosses over geto's whole entire life after hs WHERE HE WAS A GENOCIDAL MANIAC#and pretends like no one would even side eye him about that???#that's fucking regression#you're scaling his character back bc you don't want to address the root reasonwhy he went that route#and it's perfectly fine when an author doesn't want to get too political in their work it's their right I get it#but it does make me upset where the whole entire story up until here the author has been beating us over the head with leftist messaging-#- only to throw it away and settle for a 'oh I didn't mean ACTUAL revolution or changes that would rock the boat for REAL'#bc let's face it. the conditions that made people like geto and sukuna happen are still fucking there they just skipped this generation#these kids are still going to be sent out when a special grade curse shows up and some of them are still gonna die tragically early#to put yuuji as the leader of gojo's dream is isolating and a burden on JUST YUUJI (WHY WERE THE OTHER STUDENTS NOT THERE)#to make yuuji the sole messenger of gojo's will is frankly WEIRD gojo wanted these kids to look out for one another#he had nothing to say to anyone else???#yuuji's been accidentally burdened with the weight of gojo's dream now ON HIS OWN#HE IS A KID#literally nothing's changed at the end#also see how I didn't talk about gojo on his own here bc the problems are so glaring that they shine through even side characters#WHY IS NANAMI A KID IN THE AIRPORT IS THAT THE VERSION OF HIMSELF HE WAS CONTENT WITH???#or did they all have to be aged down to match haibara even though making the choice to show the ones that lived as grown would've made it-#-more impactful#A twenty seven yr old nanami sitting next to the fifteen yr old haibara would've been soul crushing right?#also why have nanami be the only one that talks like he remembers his adulthood BUT NOT GETO#WHY TAKE AWAY SUCH A HUGE PART OF GETO#YOU COULD'VE HAD THAT BE A CONVERSATION AND HAVE PEOPLE FORGIVE HIM#the more I think about the ending the more things I find to nitpick further back too#gege I love you but please I hope you negotiate a more flexible time in your next contract I hope they don't burn you out again#bc jjk is going to be an ending which I will frankly ignore and just go with 'sukuna won and it was terrible' in my head instead
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small update
ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) 😔 I even wrote the full proof
my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 😔
scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.
I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.
#im so sorry for this meltdown once again#so sorry#and for the paper - many people got 20#it was actually a very easy paper and yes 20 was doable#even i could've gotten a 20 had i not screwed up the way i did#and i feel so bad to even say “had i not screwed up...” the excuse sounds horrible to my ears#well what is done is done#i can only try better next time#this course might just end up being the easiest to get an A#let's hope that I don't fuck up this one too#after seeing my paper i just returned it and came back#and my friend was like “ok. why did u not ask them why you've lost so much when the concepts are all right there on your paper?”#and i was like “um so should i ask them?” she went “YES.”#but by the time i went back to the hall the TAs had left so i have to mail mine now#and im very worried that she wouldn't change the current grading#last time i missed an A in math by 1/2 marks and i don't want the same thing to happen this time 😔😔#oh god ONE good thing can help me right now please#ru's trying#JUST 1 good thing#just give me ONE#i was so out of sorts today i slept for ~5 hours during the day and missed my calc class#i deliberately missed it though bc i wasn't feeling up to mark#i regret not going but my brain simply said no we're not there atm so maybe it was for the better#once again im so so SO sorry for the meltdowns lately#it's been bad rains and cloudy days in my head for a while now#i hope for the sun soon
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im done with my exams 👍🏻
#let's hope that i get a good grade for this one dnbdjd#a 3 would be great#but woooooo i can spend all day playing elden ring now!!
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when will this bloody exam be over with I want to go to uni already!! Good Lord
#[.txt]#looking over at my history course. At the monastery I'll be hosted in. At the medieval city I'll be moving to. Can it be september already.#I cannot emphasize enough how much i don't care about my final grade for this exam. 20% of it is math and my teacher was terrible#so it's not as if I can hope to get a good grade anyways! And the money prize is only for 110/100 marks so who cares about it going well.#I just want it gone and passed with a 60. Please. It's a useless exam in any case.#literally it was just made so private schools could give out the same qualifications and there has GOT to be a better way to do that.#OR. Or just have an exam at the end of each year. Why only on the last. man#tomorrow I have the essay (20%) and the day after math (another 20%) and my final interview for another 20% is on the fifth of July#and I already have a full 37/100 credits so I just need 23 points. Which between the essay and the interview I'm sure to get. let me outttt
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Yea but at the end of the day there's a lunchables uploaded sub and some animal crackers waiting for me and if I'm lucky, some oreos as well
#Im like 95% sure my teacher said before friday but I'm so hoping he will let me do it today if i miss lunch for it#and in my music class i missed two assignments and my grade is at a 60. waaa. hope i can finish those today.#i dont want to take too long to finish them cause the stupid point system of like if it is two days like you can get a max of 70 on it#or something like that.#going to focus on. good thing when i get home. yummy food. regaurdless of what happens.#wishing everyone much strength and rest💪and peace of frustration
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Meow !
#Hey future me ! This is queued on December 21st !! Im a day late lol#DID YOU GET THE ESSAY DONE IS IT OKAY ARE YOU PROUD OF IT. MY GOD ITS KILLING ME#ive got like four paragraphs but I csnt for the LIFE of me figure out how to end it#How was christmas !!!!!! I assume good unless someone. like. died#What was ur secret santa gift? I dont remember what I asked for as the prompt lol#im rlly happy rn bcs a lot of ppl are putting nice comments on my art ^.^#What are you drawing rn? Im making the no6 secret samta piece of them all in a diner#Also. How is ur spanish grade. my god.#idk if they wouldve let you know yet but if they did- did you get into the college? hope so !!!!!!!#I havent been feeling great. Moms been on my ass about my spanish grade#but James is here rn which is rlly nice !!!#oh !! I mentioned the hiragana I knew last report. You should know them all rn yeah? I know up to the y line#so 38 without the tantan or maru#mmm. dont have much else to say#hope ur doing well !!! stay safe ^.^#weather report
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flippin boobahs!
#weezer#rivers cuomo#brian bell#patrick wilson#scott shriner#OKAH HI CHAT#i’ve been thinking#this tag will be just a rant not really weezer related#yk laufey ?#i was listening to her song ‘letter to my 13 year old self’ and just started overthinking about myself when i was younger#i just think about my younger self and get so sad thinking about her; i wish i could’ve done more for her#i was a huge introvert and talking to anybody made me super super anxious; so much so that my teacher noticed and had me join a ‘social#emotional learning’ group where we spoke about low self esteem and how to raise it and everything like that#i only left it in 8th grade because i didn’t wanna keep missing class for it; but it made me so sad to think i thought so low of myself#i would wear hoodies all the time and jeans because i used to hate my body a lot#which is awful to do in socal heat!#i think it started because in my family i was always stereotyped as the fat one; yk how mexican families are? they called me gordita for#the longest time; which made me incredibly insecure and only in 10th grade did i start showing my arms 😭 IK ITS DUMB BUT ITS SO WEIRD#i still can’t do it entirely; i’ll wear shrugs and things like that because i still am insecure about my arms sometimes but ive been better#i only really had one friend but she had a different lunch; so i was alone for most of the time on the swings by myself or sitting at the#lunch tables alone waiting for lunch to end and this noon duty came to me a lot and would talk to me since she felt bad i was always alone#while everybody else played with each other ; and i don’t know why i just broke down thinking about how lonely i was at the time#i’d go to the school’s friendship room everyday after that because it was just a teacher who let kids come inside her room to play games if#they didn’t wanna be in the heat and soon i became friends w the teacher and she’d play uno with me everyday; mainly because the room was#relatively empty until they got loom bands! and i was an expert on loom bracelets so i would help others make them and that was a confidenc#e boost; i remember being proud of myself for socializing like that LOL#i just get sad thinking about that time; i like to think that if little Lyss saw me; she would be so proud because i have friends;#a boyfriend ; good grades ; and i’m well liked and regarded. i hope she’s proud of my progress socially because it was such a leap#i wish i could go back in time and tell her how much better things get and how she won’t be lonely forever#…and to not online date. definetly don’t do that one.
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wish i could just. work at a bookstore
#all of the bookstores around here are owned by indigo and they dont take resumes. you have to apply online#and you can only apply for specific positions in specific locations when those positions open#and they are Never open. ive been checking back nearly every day for almost four months now#and it kills me bc i KNOW i would be good at it and i wouldnt mind doing it it might even be nice#like. yes its still min wage and yes its still customer service/retail at its core but at least its smth i fucking like#id be great at giving book recommendations. i like organizing shelves well enough#i practically know the layout of the store like the back of my hand already considering i go there so often and have my whole life#just please let me do smth i care abt even a little bit. please#working at the grocery store is Fine. its objectively fine#i dont enjoy it but everyone is really nice and i know what im doing#but i dont want to do this forever. i dont even want to be doing it now#a man came in the other day talking abt how i could be the manager someday if i keep at it and i genuinely dread that future#i do not want to get stuck here. i cannot get stuck here forever#levi.txt#i got told my whole life that if i just went to university got ok grades and did Any degree id get a decent job and start my life#and i did it! and now im working the exact same job i had before i had any experience or a degree#and im having to consider starting over and getting another fucking degree in the HOPES itll help at all#i keep having to downgrade any hope i have for the future over and over and it is insanely fucking demoralizing#the least i can want rn is a job at a fucking bookstore
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I just wrote a 10 page character study of P1dude in 2 hours as my final for my English class. Turns out, writing essays is really easy when they’re about something you like!
#postal dude#postal 1#life hack guys just fixate on stuff#let’s hope I get a good grade I put so much effort into this it’s kinda sad
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I FINISHED MY ESSAY YALL!!!!
#an hour or so away from when it was due 🤪#lets hope i get a good grade on this shit bec i already failed a quiz in this class 🥲#cryptid rambles#not warrior cats
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...
#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like#visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do#so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible#mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done#but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing#how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate#and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem#it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research#assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head#and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck#it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads#to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed#bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me#so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a#slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would#b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.#unrelated
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I GOT AN A IN A CLASS I WAS SO CONVINCED ID GET A B IN
#WHAT THE FUCKKKK#well now i feel bad cuz if math is my lowest grade this sem then that just makes me feel stupid#BUT WOWWW OKAY!!! YAY#lets just realyl really hope my math prof gives us a good curve too#cuz the thing is math was not bad this sem. i just did not want to study at all#cant blame him unlike last sem where my math prof was actually just really bad#BUT AN A IN CS???? I FULLY THOUGHT ID GET A B. HAAYAHGSGS#sunny rambles
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#the amount of compassion you have to pour directly into a bad-faith asshole's mouth without knowing whether there's even a point#in order to get them to the point where they're willing to engage at a level where they actually take your feelings & words into account#the point where they even start hearing you and seeing you as a potential equal in conversation#the point where learning and growing becomes a possibility#is fucking exhausting. and i understand why a lot of people refuse to do it. i understand why some people dont practice what they preach#because sometimes the congregation in question is just there to throw tomatoes without any intent of listening#but idc! idc! im not gonna let a bunch of assholes close my heart off. id rather be naive but kind and get taken advantage of#if the alternative is leaving people behind or making a single person feel the way i have felt#having good intentions but being unable to express it w/o negative emotion or without the correct words or not being given a fighting chanc#to never be seen as a person or heard or listened to is so hurtful#i never want to do that to someone#and if i have parted ways with you or made you feel like that at any point please know it is only when i have no other options left#i know it's an autism thing to be so utterly gutted at being misunderstood and i'm most likely giving energy to people who don't deserve it#but i dont care! i dont care!#my compassion IS a renewable resource because i keep feeding it hope and humanity#i get mad sometimes but please know every angry word i've ever said has stuck on my mind like a glue trap#i remember every fight i have been slightly too aggressive and potentially awful in since the fifth grade and i continue to ruminate#on harm i have caused however big or small#i feel so surrounded by hate and anger and i just want to be that person who doesnt get caught up in it and can be compassionate no matter#lots to think about today ...#x
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