#lets all parallel play with shion | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

medea10 · 4 years ago

Text

My Review of Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni GOU

(a.k.a. When They Cry Gou)

I know what you’re thinking. Why the heck am I reviewing this anime again? I’ve already written a review in 2009 and re-polished it in 2016. (Here it is BTW) I’ve made my point on who I like, hate, what ships are worthy, and poked fun at all the deaths that happened throughout the series. I think some time has passed that I should say some thoughts on this…um, story. After all, Higurashi is one of my favorite animes.

STORY: Ah shit, here we go again!

Higurashi or When They Cry is about a boy named Keiichi Maebara who recently moved to a place called Hinamizawa. And ever since moving to this town, he’s found his days are filled with fun mischief with fellow friends Rena Ryuuguu, Satoko Hojo, Mion Sonozaki, and Rika Furude. But little does Keiichi know that there’s a little murder mystery that surrounds the town. During a town festival known as Watanagashi (or Cotton Drifting), there’s usually one or two people that go missing or turn up dead. And this year, Keiichi is next. So let’s relive the horrors that plague the town of Hinamizawa and…

One episode later.

Wait, what the…?! It’s episode 2, why are we seeing Hanyuu? I don’t remember that in the manga. The visual! THE VISUAL! WHAT THE FUCK?! ISN��T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A REBOOT? WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY IS THERE AN ADULT RIKA?! WAIT, IS THAT ADULT RIKA OR BERN? IS THIS GOING TO BE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE TO THE WITCHES OF UMINEKO?! THE SHADOWS IN THE OPENING ARE TOO FAMILIAR FROM OTHER WORKS! Ryukishi07, you magnificent, fucking troll master for keeping this hidden until the second episode’s air date!

Many of us did not see this coming. When they announced a new Higurashi series that was going to be done by a different studio, many of us speculated whether this was going to be a reboot or a sequel. But then we got the PV trailers and it looked like we were going to get a reboot to correct the mistakes Studio Deen made years ago. Rika’s head doesn’t look like its gonna snap off because her body is so small in comparison. Improvements! I mean, they showed everything we were already used to like the yandere girls, the original soundtrack, the original freakin’ cast, and death by baseball bat. Hell, the first episode ended with an Eiko Shimamiya song! It was on track to being a reboot! A better looking reboot!

Here in lies the sequel aspect! After episode one, we get a scene that isn’t usually seen until the Kai part of Higurashi (a good 4-5 arcs away). And they give away the secret that Rika Furude is repeating the timeline of June 1983 over and over because she keeps dying. And as the series progresses, you notice little things different from the original series. Many of the well-known storylines end much differently than what you remember. Instead of Keiichi killing Rena and Mion with a baseball bat, you’ve got Rena going psycho on Keiichi. And Rika’s fate is somehow worse than the stories of the original series. So let’s head back to Hinamizawa to hear the cicadas cry and watch a murder mystery unfold.

THE SUB: All the original voice actors have returned to voice their respected roles. Perfection in a nutshell!

LICENSING: You’ve gotta be shitting me!

As I’ve mentioned years ago in my review, the original Higurashi anime went through a turbulent time being licensed in the states. It was originally licensed and dubbed by Geneon. But once Geneon collapsed, FUNimation licensed it and did absolutely fuck all with it. Geneon could only manage to squeak out one season. At this point, FUNimation was picking up titles that Geneon used to have before it fell under including Familiar of Zero, Kyou Kara Maou, and yes, Higurashi. All of these titles mentioned here were done absolutely nothing with despite having cult followings, second seasons, and OVA’s.

A year or two after licensing it, the license expired for Higurashi. For nearly six years, the only copies you could get were out of print and estimating at $500 at the very least for a full collection. Single DVD’s could be found in rare shops, but it would take like 13 years to complete the fucking collection if you did it that way. And that was only for the first season. Second season, the best all of us could do was bootleg DVD’s from Japan Town or fansubs with glaring errors for the best season to Higurashi. We had to deal with this shit until Sentai Filmworks licensed and released the first 2 seasons and the Rei OVA’s.

AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME FUNIMATION IS CLAIMING HIGURASHI ALL FOR THEMSELVES?!

Where the shit was this love 10 years ago when we were asking politely to release Kai? People ignorantly blew Higurashi off for years because season two was never released in the states until 2016 because they thought the damn anime ended after Rena held up the school. I’m already irritated with FUNimation after the Interspecies Reviewers debacle and I’m still quite butt-hurt over them re-releasing Nichijou with a dub to make a quick buck. Licensing Higurashi just brings back old anger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy Higurashi is legally licensed and can be seen on at the very least Hulu. It’s just that I hold grudges and this was a big one.

THE DUB: Holy…um, okay! This is a rather big gulp to take in. As I’ve repeatedly mentioned in past reviews, the Higurashi dub was a mixed bag of okay, bad, and oh gasperts kill it with fire. So, not great! The good folks at Geneon (before bankrupting in America) dubbed the first season with a good chunk of folks that put their fake names to the credits. Again, not great! To me, there were some aspects of Megan Hollingshed, Mela Lee, and Grant George’s performances of Mion, Rena, and Keiichi that were okay. SOME! John Snyder and Karen Strassmen as Ooishi and Takano were the best out of that dub. Everything else was just irredeemable! It needed a redub, an overhaul, and a spit-shine. For years, I’ve wondered who would be the dream cast. Sentai Filmworks unfortunately never dubbed the remaining seasons when they released them. Would Luci Christian be the heavenly voice to do Rika Furude? Could we get Hilary Haag to do Satoko? Okay, that never came to pass.

This dub is a breath of fresh air. Rika doesn’t sound like Mihoshi. Satoko doesn’t sound fake, Keiichi doesn’t sound like a weird Sonic the Hedgehog. It’s perfect. ESPECIALLY BRITTANY LAUDA AS SATOKO! I knew the second she was cast as Satoko that she was going to excel the fuck out of this role. And I was not disappointed! The only voice I’m still not quite used to is Michelle Rojas as the Sonozaki twins. Probably because I was somewhat okay with Megan Hollingshed’s voice in the 2006 version that it’ll take some time! And we FINALLY got a voice for Hanyuu. I am super excited that Xanthe Huynh is the voice and I know she’ll do great with this role! With all of that said, here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Keiichi is now played by Khoi Dao (known for Kiriyama on March Comes in Like a Lion, Murata on Demon Slayer, Chaka on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Pt. 3, and Iskhan on SAO: Alicization)

*Rena is now played by Emi Lo

*Mion/Shion is now played by Michelle Rojas (known for Shizu Delta on Overlord, Touka on Assassination Classroom, Minase on Psycho Pass, Kanan on Love Live Sunshine, and Kusakai on Keijo!!!!!!!!)

*Rika is now played by Apphia Yu (known for Rio on Assassination Classroom, Marie on Black Clover, You on Love Live Sunshine, Victorique on Gosick, Natsumi on Danganronpa 3, and Laki on Fairy Tail)

*Satoko is now played by Brittany Lauda (known for Riko on Made in Abyss, Meidri on Interspecies Reviewers, Lessar on Index III, and Ichigo on Darling in the FranXX)

*Hanyuu is played by Xanthe Huynh (known for Menma on Anohana, Haru on Persona 5, Hanayo on Love Live, Hidomi on FLCL: Progressive, PallaPalla on Sailor Moon Super S [redub], and Sachi on SAO)

ANY CHANGES IN YOUR HATE-O-RADE:

Okay Medea, let-a-rip!

*inhales and exhales*

Teppei Hojo is trash. He is ultimate trash. This fucker needs to be murdered in every timeline. He is a turd in a Glenn Quagmire shirt. Him and his wife are trash. And when this pile of trash is cheating on that pile of trash, he sleeps with peak trash named Ritsuko. Teppei Hojo needs to die in every timeline. Whenever Keiichi bashes this cum-burger’s head in with a blunt instrument, I scream at the top of my lungs, “DIE SCUM, DIE”! And nothing, I repeat, NOTHING will change my opinion of Teppei Hojo.

Episode 23.

Oh, fuck you Higurashi Gou!

MUSIC: Okay, thank you for proving me wrong. I did not despise the opening theme. Having Higurashi with no Eiko Shimamiya is like having Pokemon with no Rika Matsumoto. Or Rozen Maiden with no ALI PROJECT. But this new opening is fine by my standards.

That’s right, get the niceness of the review before I get angry down below.

THESE TIMELOOPS: Rika tries to find solutions to end her time-loop in June 1983. Much like the original series, we follow stories from the Onikakushi-hen, Watanagashi-hen, and Tatarigoroshi-hen arcs (the first three stories to Higurashi, although now these have different names). However, all of these arcs have different endings. And after a positive turnaround with Satoko escaping from her abusive uncle, shit goes south when Detective Ooishi, who up to this point has never suffered under the Hinamizawa Syndrome or died a painful death goes on a murderous rampage. Higurashi style! That means, he’s after Rika Furude, will slaughter anyone in his way, and scratching his neck because he sees maggots (part of the hallucination effect).

What the shit? Ooishi for the most part has been a great guy. With the exception of the Tatarigoroshi-hen storyline, he was a nice guy! In the limbo with Hanyuu, Rika now remembers who has killed her. Every time Rika dies up to this point, she never remembers who was the cause of her demise. Hanyuu implanted that power to remember the deaths and a clue for Rika to use and then she disappears.

Now seriously, imagine Rika’s plight here. She has been repeating the month of June 1983 for over a hundred years. And each of these times she repeats, she’s horribly murdered. Rika got the shit-end of the deal in the murder department in the original series, including being dissected on while alive. Then, leaving her bloody, naked corpse out in the open of the Oyashiro altar! She’s tired of this shit! She wants to live a happy life away from Hinamizawa. She wants to grow older, become a teenager, and have fun. And this series made it worse by having her die four times in one episode. Not just that, but murdered by the most unexpected people including Akasaka, Chief Kimiyoshi, Mion’s mother Akane, and Keiichi. Keiichi has never killed Rika in any of the timelines up to this point. He has killed Mion and Rena, but never Rika. Keiichi loves Rika! Welcome back to A Million Ways to Die in Hinamizawa.

I’ll just add decapitation, drowning in a lake, set on fire, drowning in a sewage pipe, and death by…um…

Alexa, play Chandelier by Sia.

ENDING: We all know by now that in the original series, Miyo Takano is the betrayer and the reason behind all the murders during the Cotton Drifting Festival. This time, it’s someone closer to Rika that’s causing Rika so much pain. After we watched the worst kinds of murders happen to Rika, the episode after gave us our answer. Satoko, Rika’s friend and confidant is not happy that Rika is turning her back on Oyashiro and Hinamizawa. All the while pulling out her intestines!

Oh Higurashi, don’t stop being gory!

Yes, Satoko is aware of past timelines much like Rika and is almost on a god-like state. So what the hell happened to her? I know Satoko’s past has been a cluster-fuck of horror with her brother disappearing, her parents dying, and every form of abuse from her uncle. But she was able to prevail after all that. After surviving 1983, a lot has changed in Hinamizawa. The three big families of Hinamizawa put an end to the Cotton Drifting Festival and claiming there is no curse of Oyashiro. Mion and Shion moved on and are going to high school. And Rika decides she wants to move away from this village. By attending St. Lucia! And she wants to do this with Satoko.

Oh, if you don’t recall St. Lucia, Shion attended this academy until she escaped during the Meakashi-hen arc. It was also the same school that Ange from Umineko attended. But of course Ange attended it in the 90’s and we are clearly in the 80’s. Moving on!

Rika and Satoko studied their butts off for years and their hard work paid off as both were admitted into St. Lucia. Now Rika was able to prevail and fit in with everyone. Satoko on the other hand couldn’t do the same as her grades took a dip, her manners are atrocious, and she doesn’t seem to fit in with anyone. And this caused a drift between Rika and Satoko! And so during a trip to Hinamizawa, Satoko went to the old shrine where she ended up getting sent to that limbo place Rika and Hanyuu were at many times before. There, she meets Eua (God, I hope that really isn’t her name). She’s much like Hanyuu except a lot more condescending. Oh, and she’s that mysterious shadow during the opening theme. She bestows the power to Satoko of reviving on death and returning to a certain point in time. In the hopes that Satoko is able to stop Rika from going to St. Lucia! But Rika is not going to budge. She wants out of Hinamizawa no matter what. And Satoko just wants to be with her friend no matter what. Satoko is even shown Rika’s past and still no dent in…Okay, this is bugging the fuck outta me. Pause the Ending portion!

MY GRIPES WITH SATOKO: Satoko, girl, the fuck is wrong with you?! I know Rika is like your main chick and everything, but for fuck’s sake loosen the grip you have with Rika. This season has changed you and not for the better. You made a connection with ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS from Hinamizawa. Big connections! At least in the original series you did. Look at your moments with Keiichi and Shion. Are you just going to shove them off? And what really sets me off is that Satoko literally had the opportunity to learn about Rika’s hundred year’s loop of death. And feels nothing about it! Only that it’s a challenge to break her herself! God damn, at the end of season one, Keiichi learned the truth and he was remorseful. This bitch doesn’t care that her friends were murdered in such a way. And Rika’s been shot in the head, had a live dissection performed on her, and other forms of torture…AND IT DOESN’T FAZE SATOKO!

I know in my original Higurashi review, I felt sorry for Satoko as she did seem to get the short-end of the stick living in Hinamizawa. I mean, her parents died right in front of her, she suffered abuse from her uncle, abuse from her aunt, ostrisized by the town for years, and a myriad of all types of shit to befall her. But Higurashi Gou has ruined this character. Rika didn’t really do anything wrong to Satoko. She didn’t snitch on her when Satoko got in trouble. She offered help to Satoko when she thought her grades were slipping. Satoko just held onto this petty vendetta. Satoko acted like Rika sexually assaulted her and have two other people gang rape her while drugging her. Okay, that’s a call for revenge, not your petty shit.

YOU SEE WHERE I’M AT WITH YOU SATOKO?! Your actions are so bad that you have me siding with the protagonist from Redo of Healer.

REDO.

OF.

HEALER!!!

I’m done with you! Girl, bye! We now return you to my talk about the ending already in progress.

BACK TO THE ENDING: Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Yeah, Satoko is leaving a bad impression on many of us who have been following the Higurashi story for years. And it just gets worse as she uses her new power for petty shit and abusing it at that. I mean, we saw Rika use her power in order to find a way to live past June 1983. Satoko is just using that shit to win some games and have things go her way. What else could this series bless us with? How about an epiphany from Teppei Hojo?

What?!

Teppei changes for the better.

What?!

Look, I admit that these moments with Teppei and Satoko were tame compared to the shit she’s pulled in the last several episodes. But this is Teppei Hojo! The same guy that used Satoko as his personal punching bag! The same guy who fleeced Rena’s father! The same guy many of us who cheer every time we see him on a moped because we know someone’s going to bash his head in with a baseball bat. Even my best friend knows how I am with this guy. When she gave me Higurashi free swag, I took everything except for Teppei. I don’t take trash. So seeing him so remorseful makes me…conflicted.

So now Satoko’s got things turned around for her. Her uncle has…changed?! Add to that, her God-like power. Satoko decides to change the past for her own advantage. This includes changing one of the biggest stories in Higurashi Kai with the kids vs. Miyo Takano. If Rika doesn’t experience the pain in those timelines, she won’t think about leaving Hinamizawa. And if she doesn’t leave Hinamizawa, she’ll stay with Satoko forever.

Oh what a tangled web of crazy Higurashi Gou was! I gotta tell you, Higurashi got me excited all the way up until we learn it was Satoko. And then it went straight to Hell. They turned Satoko into a straight-up selfish monster. Totally unlike the Satoko we’ve all grown to love in the original series. Yes, Satoko had those moments where, yeah, you would want to throw a chair at her and beat her ass with it. But that was only temporary! You would always see the good in Satoko despite that mischievous laugh and those episodes in Higurashi Rei. And God help me, I was a shipper of Rika x Satoko 10 years ago. Not a big one, but a supporter of it. Now, I would rather support Amourshipping from Pokemon than root for this. And I despise the living fuck out of Amourshipping. That should tell you something!

If original Satoko were bestowed the powers from Eua, I think things would be different. Satoko would probably use her powers to prevent all the bad stuff from happening to her friends and to her brother Satoshi. I mean, my goodness, not once did I see her think, hey maybe I should find a way to help my ailing brother. Change a few timelines, make him all better! And of course, feel sympathy for Rika’s plight. Do it for Rika’s sake, not your own selfish desires! Rika has died horrificly for hundreds of years. And I seriously just can’t get over Satoko’s reaction to that when she learned the truth. Instead, she wants to treat Rika like a caged bird. Best friend my ass!

Now can Higurashi SOTSU fix the hot mess of Satoko? Time will only tell! And good on them for having Higurashi air in the summertime. Summertime is for Higurashi! Autum is for Umineko. Speaking of, it’s been since 2009. Any chance you want to give Umineko the old reboot or sequel it sorely needs? Oh forget it! My likeness for this season is conflicted. I was annoyed by it, but I didn’t fully hate it. It’s just that last arc with Satoko really burned my beans. And I’m sure a lot of you all feel the same way.

Guys, if you want to watch Higurashi Gou, do yourselves a favor and watch the original series first. Let that swirl around your heads for a while. I know the creator tricked us at the beginning of this series thinking it was going to be an honest-to-God retelling. It is not! It is a sequel. And a sequel that isn’t based off a game or manga of all things. So fans are jumping into this with eyes closed! And if you’re a fan of Satoko Hojo, I’m sorry. I’m just sorry.

If you want to check out Higurashi Gou, it is available to watch on FUNimation and Hulu. But please, if you haven’t watched the original series, go to HI-DIVE now and watch “When They Cry” and “When They Cry Kai”. I think you can manage without watching any of the OVA’s.

I’d rather watch that Kira OVA where the fanservice is thin, you can practically lick off the whipped cream from the Sonozaki’s tit.

That should tell you something if I’m starting to say something nice about Higurashi Kira.

See you in a few months when Higurashi SOTSU comes out.

#anime review #Higurashi no Naku Koro ni #higurashi no naku koro ni gou #When they cry #when they cry gou #Rika Furude #satoko hojo #mion sonozaki #keiichi maebara #hanyuu #rena ryuugu #miyo takano #eua #teppei hojo

13 notes · View notes

sineshion · 5 years ago

Text

Nezumi Character Analysis

UH OH SISTERS! Here I am to write an essay on Nezumi and his relationship and actions towards Shion that no one asked for, but I’m doing it anyway.

SPOILERS FOR THE NO.6 NOVEL

Let me start by saying that Nezumi is a really well fleshed out character, and that a lot of his actions and dialogue have more depth than initially comes across. Nezumi starts off as a character who is very closed off, both emotionally and physically. Gradually over the course of the novel, he becomes more and more open, until we reach the climax of his character while in the Correctional Facility. During Shion and his first meeting, he tells Shion that he doesn’t neccessarily care about Shion’s fate, but that he doesn’t want to feel responsible if something bad were to happen to Shion.

“Do you really? I mean, it’s not my problem what happens to you, but if you end up being wiped out because of me, I wouldn’t like that. I’d feel like I did something horrible...”

I find this dialogue to be very telling and foreshadowing, as comparing Nezumi’s mindset from the beginning of the novel and end of the novel shows just how much Shion is able to change him. Though Nezumi might not say it directly, he is just as drawn to Shion as Shion is to him. We come to learn that he keeps secretive watch over Shion for the four years they are apart, in a silent way of protecting him. We could shrug this off as Nezumi simply “repaying a debt”, as he says again and again, but it is far more than that. Shion offers kindness and compassion to Nezumi during their first meeting, which we come to learn is the first real act of kindness he has received in years. Shion shows love toward Nezumi when he arguably needs it most, and though Nezumi might not want to admit it, he is showing love right back by silently watching over Shion, and rescuing him. From the moment they met, Nezumi has become captured by Shion, much like how Shion says he has become captured by Nezumi.

Throughout the novel, Nezumi goes from showing acts of kindness toward Shion, to then showing hostility. Shion is never afraid of Nezumi’s random spouts of violence, in his what I can only assume to be futile attempts to reject vulnerability. Nezumi projects all of his hatred for No.6 and it’s violence against him onto Shion, which he later comes to realize is wrong, and abusive of him.

“This casual act of kindness, or those cold, dispassionate words from a few minutes ago - which one was he to believe? Shion couldn’t grasp him.”

Nezumi tells Shion to throw away his memories, his feelings, and ties to everyone and everything he knows. He continuously acts cold and hostile toward Shion without provocation, which we learn is the result of the way Gran, an old woman who raised him, warped his mind into being. Nezumi has a very unstable and warped mindset on love, and what it would do to him. He has been raised since the age of 4 to fear it like nothing else, which I find so heartbreaking. It is no wonder Nezumi constantly reacts the way he does both to being touched by Shion, as well as kissed, or just generally loved. Gran tells Nezumi from the age of 4 to view any person who loves him as a literal demon who will kill him, thus creating the mental struggle within himself as he tries and fails to keep from reciprocating those feelings.

“Never sigh in earnest. Never cry. You’ll be taken advantage of by demons. Sighing creates an opening, a vulnerability. If you want to stay alive, keep your mouth shut. Never let anyone see your weak spot. Let your heart warm to no one. Never trust anyone but yourself.”

We are told that Nezumi went against Gran’s instruction simply by rescuing Shion. I suspect that a small part of Nezumi wanted to do this (go against Gran’s orders), though he reprimands himself multiple times for his actions. It isn’t that Nezumi is completely helpless from falling in love with Shion, it’s that he actually wants to be loved by the boy, even if only deep down. More and more, he begins to simply sit around and watch Shion, thinking about how beautiful Shion is, how nice it would be to touch him and how much he wants to have physical contact with him, playing with his hair. He begins to lose his sense of control over himself, leaving the door to his home unlocked without even realizing it, sighing over Shion, and risking his own safety to send messages to Shion’s mother unprompted. When he learns of Safu’s abduction, instead of telling Shion, he begins to think of how if Shion found out, it would result in his death. He compares the loss to the loss of his own family, and of the suffering he would feel if that were to occur. Nezumi has already begun to grow attached. He was attached from the very moment Shion and he met.

“He would be experiencing the same suffering again, of being broiled alive in Hellfire.” “I don’t want to lose him. I would suffer.”

This admission is paralleled to Safu’s in a prior scene, where she admits to Karan, Shion’s mother, that she is in love with Shion. She says: “I don’t want to regret anything. If - if by some chance, he ends up never coming back... I’m going to be the one to suffer for my whole life. I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose him.” Nezumi is falling in love with Shion, whether he realizes it at this moment or not is besides the point. He does not want to lose Shion. He does not want to return to a life of seclusion and loneliness, a life without love. He would and will do anything to keep from losing it. Both Safu and Nezumi are in love with Shion, but I would argue that the difference between them, other than obvious ones, as that Nezumi comes to see Shion exactly for who he is, the love he feels for Shion not blinding himself, but illuminating the entire world, whereas Safu does not. Safu continuously compares herself to the person Shion is yearning for, asking why she cannot be them, why she cannot be the one to get to know everything about Shion.

Despite Nezumi’s efforts to hide the truth of Safu’s capture from Shion, this falls through, and he is warned by Inukashi: “If he’s so precious to you that you don’t want to loose him, protect him to the very end. And do whatever it takes to protect him, you idiot, no matter how humiliating it is.” Nezumi wants to protect Shion, and would and later does do anything to keep him by his side, this dialogue from Inukashi foreshadowing Nezumi’s vulnerability and the swallowing of his own pride as he lays everything he is bare before Shion’ feet.

Later, Shion, after finding out that Safu is in danger, confesses all of his feelings to Nezumi, in what he assumes will be the last time they see one another. He kisses Nezumi goodbye, and sneaks out. Nezumi follows after him, and lashes out in a very violent way, and after, saying: “Listen, you’re not allowed to give me a goodbye kiss ever again! Never, ever again!” He tells Shion that this beating is punishment for lying to him, and trying to sneak away, aka trying to die without him. Soon, Shion will turn Nezumi’s warped way of thinking against him in the Correctional Facility, where he will use Nezumi’s reasoning and justification for violence by claiming the two men he attempts to kill are deserving of it, because they have tried to harm Nezumi.

Gradually, more and more, we see Nezumi not only reciprocating moments of intimacy, but initiating them with Shion: “A hand suddenly reached over to him. It was Nezumi’s. It gently pried Shion’s fist open, finger by finger, gently, as if toying with it.” Nezumi still has moments of random bursts of aggression, both in an attempt to continue to keep Shion at bay, to keep from falling more in love, and to prevent Shion from aiding the city or its people in any manner. While Shion admits a love confession, saying: “I’m probably more afraid to lose you than anything - anybody else.” This sparks a fear in Nezumi, at the reality that not only is Shion attached to him, but that he is just as attached to Shion. He’s completely aware at this point of his own feelings. He thinks: “Am I the one who hasn’t known anything all along?” while questioning his past actions, and whether or not he has been seeing Shion in a positive light or not. Nezumi has started to become more self aware through his relationship with Shion, and more in touch with his own emotions.

Once entering the Correctional Facility, Nezumi warns Shion not to lose himself. He promises Shion that they will come back from this together. He isn’t saying this only to Shion, but more so to himself. Nezumi has been captured by the light that he sees in Shion, and though Shion is the one to think that Nezumi keeps him human, it’s quite the other way around. Shion attempts to kill two men, both times Nezumi reprimands him, telling him: “Never put your hands around someone’s throat again!” and “Shion! Shion! Stop - stop, please - Shion, I’m begging you.” and “I want you to stay as you are, Shion.” Shion keeps Nezumi human. Shion is a beacon of light shining down on Nezumi, exposing his own humanity. Time and time again, it is clear that Shion’s humanity and compassion save Nezumi from doom. While Nezumi develops to see the light of humanity and within his own soul through loving Shion, Shion develops to see the darkness in humanity and within his own soul by loving Nezumi. They quite make the perfect narrative foil to one another, developing in an almost polar opposite way. Nezumi ultimately becomes more like Shion, Shion becomes more like Nezumi.

We learn of Nezumi’s past, and of his suffering, in a scene where he allows himself complete vulnerability to Shion, showing him the burn on his back and revealing to us and to Shion how his family and culture were ruthlessly burned to the ground right before his eyes. Shion begins to cry at learning the truth, begins to blame himself for his own ignorance and for Nezumi’s suffering. Nezumi confesses: “I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. I didn’t mean to accuse you of any crime. I - can’t even imagine wanting to hurt you. I’m sorry.” “Don’t you cry. You were just a tiny kid. You’re not to blame for anything.” He’s starting to drastically change his mindset and perspective which will ultimately lead to him choosing to believe in Shion, to have faith in Shion, trusting that the both of them truly see one another at this point for who they are. Trusting Shion to remain human, and build a better world.

As they begin their infiltration, Shion begins to grow more and more cold and uncaring of human life. As Nezumi kills guards, Shion says that it simply can’t be helped - it’s kill or be killed. This moment is clear in highlighting not only how Nezumi has changed Shion, but how Shion has changed Nezumi. Nezumi is displeased to hear this reasoning from Shion, which is not something he would have thought at the beginning of the novel. Shion is uncaring, which is not something he would feel were this the beginning of the novel. They have both a positive and negative impact on one another, and alwyas seem to take it to the extreme, though it isn’t neccessarily strange given the circumstances and situation at hand. Nezumi begins to see the direct affect his own actions have had on Shion, and how they have begun to warp his mind, much like Gran warped Nezumi’s own perspective on love. He thinks sadly: “Forgive me, Gran. I’ve gone against what you’ve told me. I’ve sighed many times for another. I believed him, and opened my heart to him. I placed the shackles around my own feet. But I couldn’t have done otherwise. I couldn’t cut him away.” Nezumi loves Shion. No matter what he tries, he cannot escape the love he feels for him. He couldn’t do otherwise, because he doesn’t truly WANT to. He wants to love Shion, admitting this to himself now. The seeds have already been planted at this point for Nezumi to begin feeling his own guilt and remorse at trying to change Shion’s personality, and coming to the horrifying realization that it worked. Nezumi didn’t want to harm Shion, or hurt him. He truly and foolishly believed he was doing what was right, what was taught to him. He feels so much remorse at the point that when he is almost killed by Rashi, he entirely gives up the fight. He allows himself a moment of genuine intimacy with Shion, let’s Shion hold him, as he prepares to die with him. Does this sound like something Nezumi would do? A character who preaches survival, is now willing to die with the person he has fallen in love with. He is not afraid, nor angry, nor sad - he simply accepts it. I find this moment to be very telling of Nezumi’s character.

When Shion shoots Rashi, Nezumi, who is already terribly wounded, tries repeatedly to stand up and stop him from finishing Rashi off. It is shocking not just to us, but to him, to see how Shion has changed. He screams for Shion to stop in vain as Shion commits murder on his behalf.

“He didn’t want to open his eyes. If he did, he would have to face reality.”

Despite trying to repress this, he tries to keep Shion grounded, as Shion has already been shown time and time again to be unstable and suicidal. Shion attempts to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head, asking Nezumi over and over if Nezumi and perhaps even God can forgive him for the murder he has committed. Nezumi thinks that it would have been better had they never infiltrated it at all, had he known it would destroy Shion’s mental state so completely. Nezumi, a character hellbent on destroying the government, is now thinking that Shion’s mental health is worth more to him than destroying the city. He thinks, as he starts to have his own mental breakdown, that he is the one who needs to be forgiven, not Shion. He begins to cry uncontrollably, as he mentally begs for Shion’s forgiveness.

“Shion, I’m sorry. I made you bear the burden, one so big it’s making your spine creak. Would I be forgiven one day? Would you forgive me for what I did to you?”

Nezumi is unable to bear the thought that he is the direct cause of Shion’s attempt at suicide. He is forced to confront at this moment his own abusive actions, and all of the brutality he has thrust upon Shion up to this point. He is begging, literally on his knees, to be forgiven. To be forgiven for all of his mistakes, all of his anger, all of his pain and hurt that he has projected onto Shion. Begging for forgiveness at meeting Shion - at coming unexpectedly into his life and, in Nezumi’s eyes, ruining everything Shion is. Nezumi believes he is to blame for everything, and the weight of the guilt he feels is indescribable.

By the time they get to Safu, Nezumi outright refuses to let Shion do anything, going so far as to drag him by force to the elevator, knowing it is too late to rescue Safu. Shion, through his grief, blames Nezumi for what happens to Safu, claiming he used her and used him to destroy No.6. Nezumi plays his part well, and pretends that this is the truth, saying he never believed Safu was alive, which is a lie. He says he deceived Shion, and used him and sacrificed his mind for the destruction of the government, which is also not the whole truth. Nezumi thinks: “Really? Can you really not understand? You’re a liar, Shion. You do get it. You understand every single word. And you’ll never forgive me. You’ll lose faith in me and loathe me. Or would you-“

Nezumi WANTS Shion to love him, and also hate him at the same time. He wants Shion to take his anger out on him. He wants to self sabotage their relationship, and MAKE Shion hate him, by playing a false role, by pretending to be someone he is not. Even when Nezumi tries to shoulder blame that is not his, his true self shines through under the facaude. Nezumi, a character who used to preach that he would only ever fight for himself, now takes a bullet for Shion, trying to sacrifice himself for him. Going directly against everything he has ever believed in.

By the end of the novel, Nezumi, having come back from the brink of Death, and having gone against all of his previous rules, confesses to Shion that Shion scares him. He is terrified of Shion, or more specifically, of Shion’s love, because it is mutual. Nezumi is in love with him. Nezumi’s love for Shion is in fact so strong, that Nezumi was willing and ready to die with and for Shion multiple times during the Correctional Facility, and many times prior, as well. He’s scared of the way loving someone makes him feel. He’s scared of how it almost got him killed many times, and it would have, had Shion not saved him. He leaves not because of Shion, but because of himself. Nezumi does not understand how to express his love in a proper and healthy way - it’s completely foreign to him. The boy is so traumatized that he’s spent the entire novel both half afraid of and half crazing and actively seeking love. I find it strange when people ask or think that there’s a possibility Nezumi doesn’t love Shion, when his actions so clearly say otherwise. I suspect Nezumi feels unworthy of Shion loving him as well, considering his tendency to self sabotage. I think that Nezumi is very self aware, and by the end of the novel, very in touch with his own emotions. He understands that he must change, and only then can he come back to Shion properly. He understands that who he is currently is not suited for a relationship, and so he makes the maturest call he has in the entire story, by leaving. He kisses Shion, promising to come back once he is ready, reassuring not only us but Shion that he really truly does love him.

Shion had thought that Nezumi was the one who illuminated him completely. That everything became much clearer with him by his side. That “by his hands, I was melted, wrought anew, and instilled with new life.” I find this line to be most applicable to Nezumi, as Shion has instilled him with new life, a new perspective, leaving him forever changed by the love shared and experienced. A line from Safu comes to mind as well, “You feel the same way I do, don’t you? You’re glad you were able to know. You wouldn’t be able to live anymore without knowing what yearning and love is like.”

#no.6 #nezushi #nezumi #shion #analysis #no.6 analysis #nezushi analysis #text #novel #quotes #i shot myself dead writing this

169 notes · View notes

precure-stuff · 5 years ago

Text

Aikatsu On Parade Rewrite Part 4(Episode 16-20)

READ PART 1-3 HERE OR READ THE CHANGES TO CANON LIST

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Changes to CANON:

Raki acquires the Constellation PR by studying Amahane’s design method with Sena.

Magic Blood performs Ragtime of The Moonlit Night is performed

Reflect Moon perform in their Jeweling Dresses

Aoi, Shion and Ako act together·

Raki and Sora are good friends(Designers)·

The Christmas live is Hello Winter Love (Raki. Hinaki. Lily. Juri. Maika. Ichigo)·

Aikatsu On Parade Episode 16- Remembering Joy

This episode starts with Aine and Mio appearing on TV. PP,HC and Raki are watching and can't seem to find out whats missing. This goes on until Wakaba walks in as the commercial plays on loop. "Huh? You two collabed with Yume?" Mio nods as her gaze remains fixed on the screen. "Then you two should sing together. Mio feels Vivid Inspiration and Aine turns to her. "That's what's missing. We need a song together!"

They send Raki to find Yume and she takes a bus to Yotsuboshi. As she's looking for Yume she runs past a woman carrying beautiful blue flowers. Raki stops and stares up at the woman's red eyes.

It's Hotaru. She mentions that she's on her way to Venus Ark. Raki asks her whether she's seen Yume. Hikaru's sister tells Raki that she'swith the S4. Raki finds Yume,Ruka,Mahiru and Ako. To her surprise they were also watching the commercial.Raki takes S4 to Star Harmony

The song writing process begins as Yume, Mio and Aine start writing As they work away the rest of S4 has fun outside. Maika and Ruka dance together as Ema talks to Ako about the movie she made. Kirara shows up and her and Ako start to bicker. Yume stops writing and opens the curtain tps tare outside. Koharu is standing behind her with candy and notices something is wrong. She walks up behind her and tells her to join them. She tosses Raki a candy through the window and walks out to meet her. Yume and PP realise they were being too serious and decide to have fun with the song. As they work on it late into the night they fall asleep. Raki and Koharu walk in to cover them in blankets and steal a peek at the lyrics.

The next day Yume and PP unveil their new song together as part of a children’s show on television. The song is Feeling Of Justice and the Appeal is Rainbow Palette Flight. A variation of Trio Flight from Aikatsu Season 3. As the show ends, PP and Yume celebrate at Star Harmony. Hotaru arrives to pick up Kirara in the middle of the party. Ako asks what they’re up to and Kirara says that Elza seeks an Aikatsu that surpasses all worlds. Ako is confused. Kirara seems a little more serious than usual and that detail unnerves her. The episode ends with a shot of Elza with cards of every idol that has appeared so far( In Aiparade)

Episode 17- The Explosive Dynamo

The episode starts with Raki looking for inspiration. She plans on designing a new PR but doesn’t know where to start. Aine arranges for her to have a sit down with Chiharu and sadly, nothing comes of it. At the end, a disappointed Chiharu suggests they go outside. “Are we looking at nature?” Raki asks. “No,” Chiharu says, “I simply want to show you something new. It’s a new phenomenon that only happens once a day.” Chiharu leads Raki to the field as Wakaba runs up to them. “You’re just in time.” Wakaba stares up at the dusk sky as three silhouettes emerge from the clouds. The three girls decline as Raki is left stunned by their skill. They eventually hold hands and begin to rotate as they launch their parachutes. They land at roughly the same time to the applause of their audience. “Excellent!” “Yes!” Hibiki and Kaede pose together as Mirai walks nonchalantly toward the girls. She mentions that the timing was a bit off but with some work it would be perfect. Raki asks who the other girls are. “Together we are Dynamo! Hibiki! Kaede! Mirai!” Wakaba squeals in excitement and mentions that Mirai trains her. (She’s more of a fangirl in this rewrite)

Hibiki mentions she needs to get to Venus Ark and runs off as Mirai wipes off her sweat. Kaede pulls flowers out of her hat and Wakaba loses it. She says she can’t wait to form a Friends and get to Mirai’s level. Raki realizes she doesn’t have a Friends unit either. She thinks to herself that Wakaba would be a great fit. Almost as if she read her mind Wakaba wants to perform with her instantly. Mirai is hesitant but says she’s intrigued by the pop they’ll produce. “Would you like to see Wakaba’s stage?” Mirai asks Raki. She agrees but Chiharu mentions its really late. The following morning Wakaba walks into Raki’s room and invites her to watch Dynamo’s practice. They sit by as Wakaba tells Raki all about Love Me Tear. Raki is overwhelmed and simply starts to talk about Dresses. Wakaba shows her the Humming Leaf cards and Raki’s eyes are caught by the Tiroler Tangerine Coord. She adores the lace over the middle of its bodice. Mirai smiles as she sees them getting along.

Dynamo puts on a live that evening for the Star Harmony students. Their song is Nice To Meet You! As for the coords, I like that Luminas sometimes wore somewhat matching coords from their individual brands. So here, Hibiki wears Dazzling Purple Coord. Mirai wears the Arabian Marble Coord. Kaede wears the Parallel Hunter Coord. As they watch the show together, Raki and Wakaba promise to get better together. Wakaba gives Raki a clover and makes a pun about her being lucky. The two promise to form a Friends once they become better idols. The last shot is of the clover pressed into the pages of Raki’s design books. (Coords for this episode below)

Episode 18- The Jewel of Solvette

Once again, Raki is doing research on dresses and decides to look up Dynamo. She sees a few articles about the members and realizes that she doesn’t know who Hibiki’s partner is. In the Aifriends rewrite I did, season two ends with Believe Me Tear(IB+LMT) VS Honey Palette(HC+PP) Raki looks up Alicia and is left stunned by the Jeweling Dress. There aren’t too many results as Alicia wasn’t as popular in Japan as the rest of Believe Me Tear. She logs onto a Solvette fan site and asks where she can see more of the dress. The fans inform her that the cards were stored in Solvette’s museum as a national treasure. This leads Raki to look for Hibiki as a meand to get to Solvette. The first stop on her search for Hibiki takes her to Wakaba.

“It’s you again!” Wakaba says. She runs up to Raki who asks where Mirai and the rest of Dynamo are. Wakaba tells her that they were training with Kaede at the moment. She asks her if there’s any way to find Hibiki directly and Wakaba mentions that she has her number. On a video chat with Hibiki she mentioned that she could have Raki come to Solvette in a week due to the processes. Raki smiles. Wakaba ends the call and asks Raki to take a break from designing by watching her stage. Wakaba performs This World is Wonderful in the Tiroler Tangerine Coord. Raki adores the stage and tells Wakaba she no longer seems like an idol rookie. Wakaba tells Raki that she’s not much of a rookie either. “You’ve performed with great idols and made amazing dresses”

Throughout the week, Raki sketches in her book as she receives visits from Koharu and Sora. They even bring her a mannequin. As the week passes by, Raki gets a passport and packs her luggage. At the end of the week she heads to the airport and meets Yume when she gets there. “What are you doing here?” Raki asks. Yume tells her that she has someone important to meet there. The two board the plane with Hibiki. Ideally the song, “Brand New Girl” from Prichan would be playing during this whole section to set the mood. As Raki alights she looks exhausted. Hibiki tells her that she must have really wanted to come. The three exit the airport.

The first thing that happens is that we hear a voice call out to Yume. Rola runs up to her and they hug and hold hands (like in the Aistars movie) This is immediately paralleled by I Believe reuniting. Raki nervously walks up to Alicia, fully aware that she’s royalty. Her guards stand before Raki. Alicia turns to face her and asks what she wants. Raki presents her cards and asks Alicia if she would let her perform in those cards. Alicia smiles mildly. She says that she is flattered. After seeing how much effort Raki put into it she claims she can see the love poured into the design. Alicia approves of the cards and lets Raki perform. Raki performs Your Entrance in the Jeweling Dress PR. Afterward Raki is exhausted and has to sleep on the way back to Japan. Alicia returns to Japan as well and tells Hibiki that she sees her younger self’s passion for Aikatsu in Raki. Rola feel asleep on Yume’s shoulder in the seat behind her.

Episode 19-Return of Rock

This episode opens with a guitar riff blasting through the Dream Academy Dorms. Noelle wakes up in frustration. She knows her sister is up to something and marches off toward her usual training stop. Seira and Rola are having a competition that has been going on since dawn. Yume is huddled in the corner covering her ears as Headmaster Tiara watches with glee. Eventually Seira and Rola both give in as Yume reveals Rola didn’t even eat Breakfast when she discovered a rocker nearby. This seems pointless to Tiara who interrupts and sees the opportunity for an event. She wants to make an event out of it. The opening plays here.

After the opening Raki receives a call from Ichigo. She mentions that Seira will be competing against Rola and would like her to watch. Raki agrees and informs Tamaki. Hariu is present at the time and suggests that Reflect Moon should accompany her. Sakuya and Kaguya join her in the taxi and she sits in the middle back seat. Sakuya instantly sleeps on the window. Raki shows Kaguya the Dark Lolita coord. Kaguya comments on Raki’s growth as a designer. They arrive at Dream Academy and notice a crowd. The driver comments that some of Rola’s foreign fans have showed up. There is a big poster on Dream Academy’s building depicting Rola and Seira wielding guitars like swords.

Rola is in her dressing room with Yume and Koharu who gives her candy. Mahiru rushes in to hug her followed by Ako and Tsubasa’s arrival. They reminisce on the events of Rola’s departure in Aistars season 2. Ako tells Rola that she’d better win but Rola says that winning isn’t her goal but rather going all out on stage. Ako huffs and says that she should do her best anyway. She then walks out to join Noelle on the main stage. Noelle tells the audience that Ako will entertain their children until the main event and steps off stage. Ako smiles nervously and asks herself why she chose to do this. Her smile fades when she sees Kirara join her. She brings Caroline with her which really gets the children going and then they perform Please Mary. Kirara wears the Marchen Lollipop Coord and Ako wears the Fluffy Cat Coord.

Afterward we cut to Raki buying merchandise with Akari and PP. They stop by a stand selling unit themed ribbons and Akari instinctively picks a 2wings Ribbon. They all try on other ribbons and have candy pops with Madoka and Rin. Sora and Maria are helping the event run smoothly. Elsewhere, Aria and Rey are walking about in disguises. “Elza wants us to stay focused on her project but we need to have fun too.” Rey tells Aria. They continue to sneak around

With all that said and done, the crowd all gather at the main stage. The clock strikes three and Noelle introduces the two rockstars. Rola walks on from the left with Yume at her side. Seira walks on from the right with Ichigo by her side. “And now, let the event begin!” Rola performs Miracle Force Magic in the Rocking Melody Chord with her season 2 aura. Seira performs Idol Activity(Rock) in the Pinkish Union Coord. Once the stages are over, they both stand on stage exhausted.

The voting begins and the votes are adding up rapidly and stop right in the middle. Noelle announces a tie and the crowd goes wild. Seira tells Rola that if she’s Re then she’ll just be Mi. Rola says that they’ll continue through them and they’ll have a rematch someday. Raki goes backstage and meets Yume,Rola,Seira and Ichigo. They talk a little and we see Raki’s sister outside the dressing room door. She walks away with a smug smile and the episode ends.(All coords used appear below)

Episode 20- Double Moon Miracle

This scene opens in Elza’s office. Mizuki and Hime sit across the table with Elza holding her head in her hands. Kirara, Rey and Aria stand outside the office eavesdropping with concerned expressions. “You’re time is up Elza.” Hime starts, “You had your chance to recruit Mizuki and I to Venus Ark…however we are still far too powerful to affiliate with an idol school.” Elza tries to retort but her mouth remains shut. “While we acknowledge your prowess, your dream to plunder all the greatest idols is far from reality.” Mizuki and Hime stand up to leave and Elza bangs on her table and holds up a set of cards. Hime turns and smiles, “That power is well known to us.” With that the two moon idols leave Elza’s office.

Cut to Starlight Academy as Mizuki gives Hime a tour. “This is where I started Hime, being Starlight Queen was merely the first step for me. The position is similar to your S4 position.” A few students run up to Mizuki and she gives them her autograph.

“Aren’t you worried that you’ve grown rusty?”Hime asks. Mizuki turns and her aura appears.

“I don’t think so, have you?” Mizuki and Hime turn to face eachother. “There’s only one way to be certain.

Rumors soon spread that Mizuki is back in Starlight. This spreads to the other schools and their students buzz up. Reflect Moon tell the other Star Harmony girls that top idols of the moon will be performing at 4Star. Yozora lets the other girls know and metions even regional idols will be present.

4Star fills up with idols and fans as Hikaru sells them tickets. Anna berates him for still trying to save 4Star financially but he reminds her that her salary will come from the sales. Carol Alice shows up with a camera and reunites with Yume. “Elza wouldn’t come here herself and so she had me record it for her.” She reveals the hidden camera in her bonnet and sits down to watch. Mizuki and Hime perform Start Line in their LPRs. They have two appeals. Double Premium Moon Jewel and Double Premium Eternal Moonlight. The show ends and the crowd is left silenced. The silence stretches out as Hime and Mizuki walk off stage. The whole crowd erupts into applause. Hime and Mizuki congratulate each other and share a cup of tea backstage. They sit across each other on a table and Mizuki places a flower pot between them. “A new Aikatsu is blooming.” Mikuru says. The last shot is the flower pot with a seedling.

#aikatsu #on parade #rewrite #cure ice #wakaba #raki #hime #elza #mizuki #seira #rola #hibiki #kaede #mirai

8 notes · View notes

marlikesthings · 5 years ago

Text

Starmyu S3 episode 7 review

There are so many things to say about Starmyu new episode. I feel that Starmyu is getting better and better with each passing episode, and I am really excited about what’s to come. This episode focused on the Kao Council, both present and past. The previous Kao Council members are torn between letting the new Kao Council do what they want and helping their kouhais. It also showed us the power struggle there is between shiki and fuyusawa (fuyusawa not being able to accept he doesn’t have the last word and wanting shiki to keep on being his puppet). I think it’ll be easier if I talk about my favorite moments in this episode first, and then talk about what I think is happening between shiki and fuyusawa and the parallels made between otori and shiki.

Well, first of all, I absolutely loved the beginning. I knew it was a dream (I mean… unless starmyu genre has changed XD), but I was still confused and wondered what the hell had happened for someone to imagine this and for the new Kao Council to behave his way in their dream. I thought it was nayuki’s dream, not going to lie, but it turns out it was hoshitani’s XD Hoshitani is just as dramatic as nayuki is, pffft. I found it funny he was so scared of shiki at the beginning. What kind of person did he think shiki was?? Also, why did he only scream nayuki’s name, what’s with that discrimination hoshitani? What about the others? XD

Hoshitani and otori meeting. What is there not to love about this scene? aaahhh

I died when Otori said he wanted to see hoshitani!! I love their relationship so much!!

Seeing the previous Kao Council members. Gotta love how the rumors spread so fast XD

UOZUMI!! I have a soft spot for him since S2

Shiki teasing hoshitani for the nth time

Hoshitani and shiki. That’s it. How their relationship develops is something I am really looking forward to seeing this season.

Shiki’s solo song.

Shiki saying hoshitani should try being in the Kao Council

Shiki saying he is starting to expect great things of hoshitani

…. Yes, I know. I should stop talking about shiki and hoshitani XD

The ending was very wtf. Definitely not what I expected. Fuyusawa seems to be willing to play the role of the villain in order to get his wishes fulfilled. I just hope he’s not going to end up doing something he’ll regret later.

It’s easier to understand more about the characters and some of their reactions in this episode, if you have read the special drama cds. I’ll use some quotes to illustrate my point of view, but before doing it, I’ll like to thank ryota-kunstranslations for their wonderful translations and for giving us more starmyu material! The quotes from the drama cds I’ll use come from their posts. I put a link to them each time I quoted something. Please read them if you haven’t yet, you won’t regret it!!

1) Parallels between Otori and Shiki

I think it’s quite obvious by now that otori and shiki are very similar. They both are very nice people and they are both very talented. They both joined a star team… and it seems they both felt out of place. People envied their positions, but they only wanted to be free and enjoy doing what they love.

Example of otori feeling suffocated (it’s in track 2 – Starmyu S2 BD vol 3):

“I felt as if I was being suffocated by something. A Star Team that everyone envied… We, who were the top star of the Council quickly became known as the Star of Stars. But… Not once have I felt proud of it. […] The world is overflowing with musicals! We should feel it more genuinely and more freely. But… when I talked about it, everyone looked at me with such strange looks on their faces.”

Shiki seemingly feeling out of place, everyone is happy or sad, but he is the only one who isn’t showing any emotions:

Even hoshitani seems to have been reminded of otori when he was talking to shiki. For me, this only reinforces the similarities existing between both characters. I think otori also saw shiki’s resemblance to him and that’s why he couldn’t leave him alone and gave him advice. He wanted shiki to be saved by someone’s light, just like he was. From what he said to hoshitani in this episode, he might have expected/predicted that someone would be hoshitani.

Another thing I found interesting, is that shiki doesn’t want to let others see him weak. He always acts as if he’s fine, carrying the world on his shoulders, but his body is starting to show signs he isn’t okay. His comrades and hoshitani have also started noticing something is wrong.

A few examples below:

Chiaki pointing out shiki doesn’t want others to see his weak side:

Kasugano being worried shiki is letting himself be controlled by fuyusawa and him not telling them what he really thinks or wants in track 2 (Fourth stage drama CD):

Fuyuzawa: In this school, we are five who hold a lot of potential. In other words, we need to—

Shiki: Look for the students who have potential in being new Kao Council candidates.

Fuyuzawa: (smiles) Exactly.

Shiki: …

Shion (kasunago): What do you think of this, Shiki?

Shiki: …!

Shion: Are you alright with this, Shiki?

Shiki: Kasugano? (chuckles) Yeah, I’ll respect all of your decisions.

Shion: Shiki… I see…

Hoshitani noticing shiki is tired (+ shiki’s reaction):

I really do love how shiki opens up his feelings to hoshitani. It might be because hoshitani and shiki are, in a way, very similar (kinda like otori and shiki). They both want to help those in need, but they can only do so much by themselves. (Also, there seems to be a parallel between nayuki&hoshitani and kasugano&shiki, hence why I say hoshitani and shiki are similar).

2) About fuyusawa

First of all, it seems Chiaki will play a more important role later on in the series. He already showed us he is on shiki’s side and he doesn’t agree with fuyusawa’s overbearing personality. I want to believe that as his childhood friend, he can’t stand seeing what fuyusawa is becoming and that the reason why he is siding with shiki is to help fuyusawa come back to his senses. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out fuyusawa used to be kinder than this and sincerely enjoyed music, but for some reason became obsessed with being the best and started hating the “weaklings”. Could it be that fuyusawa is jealous of shiki helping Irinatsu and kasugano back then? Mmm. There’s also the possibility of fuyusawa honestly thinking this is for shiki’s sake, too. This might be his way of “helping” shiki. Who knows? However, I don’t think he realizes what he is doing is causing more harm than good. His obsession with having only “the best” perform in the opening ceremony is straining the already fragile relationship this new Kao Council has. Unlike the previous generations, the members this year come from different teams, so this is (probably) the first time some of them are working together. They all have strong personalities too, and they seem to be used to working alone. Have they even been able to bond properly?

Anyway, this isn’t the first time fuyusawa has shown he wants to be in control, that he wants shiki to rely on him and let him do what he feels he has to do.

We can already see a glimpse of it in this extract from fourth stage drama cd – Act 03:

Chiaki: Isn’t he just giving himself to be used by you then?

Fuyusawa: That is his choice. I’ll have him give up himself as much as he can.

Chiaki: Are you really saying that, Ryo?

Fuyusawa: This is for the sake of our Kao Council, for all five of us.

Not surprisingly, chiaki was the first person to realize what was happening. As much as I want him to be the one to help fuyusawa, I am afraid this might be too much for him to handle alone. That’s where shiki comes in and saves the day. Or that’s what I think will happen, anyway.

I am looking forward to seeing next episode and to see what fuyusawa will do!

#starmyu #high school star musical #starmyu review #i love starmyu ;w;#personal rant

19 notes · View notes

softshuji · 3 years ago

Note

“Since I met you, I've felt abandoned without your nearness; your nearness is all I ever dream of, the only thing.”

>>She was in search of something and he was in search of something, enraged, pulling faces, burrowing into each other's breasts they searched, and their hugging and heaving bodies brought them no oblivion but reminded them of their duty to search<<

KAFKA IT'S KAFKA OH MY GOD UR A GENIUS AN AMAZING GENIUS I LOVE U the single most beautifully gorgeous line in history and its been said to ME, i will cry <3

I started reading kafka again, but my heart beats for murakami

>>Jealousy—at least as far as he understood it from his dream—was the most hopeless prison in the world. Jealousy was not a place he was forced into by someone else, but a jail in which the inmate entered voluntarily, locked the door, and threw away the key. And not another soul in the world knew he was locked inside. Of course if he wanted to escape he could do so. The prison, was after all, his own heart. But he couldn't make that decision. His heart was as hard as a stone wall. This was the very essence of jealousy<<

>>The human heart is like a night bird. Silently waiting for something, and when the time comes, it flies straight toward it.<<

To odysseus, finally:

So before I start I can say that he is a very good written hero, a beautiful story and one of the most human felt greek heros I've seen.

But songbird, let us look at the facts here:

Diomedes was actually known to be just as smart as odysseus, the other one was just mire sneaky and obnoxious about it. Of course every ancient hero was selfish from our modern perspective but for me he was... well one of the most self absorbed ones. He used the people close to him, circe, Calypso, achilles- he was charming and smart about it and he certainly deserved to be loved by athena but he was just as brutal as the others.

Maybe circe and Calypso were seen as the evil god-born woman who bewitched him but wasn't he the one who played the gods and them in the end?

Wasn't he the one especially cruel to the trojans and Ajax?

He wasn't evil but he wasn't a good person either.

So, anyway,

How is the mission going little clover? Don't just go around shooting people, okay? We don't want another sanzu -one lovely, pretty mad dog is enough for bonten.

Oh, and tell shion I know where he lives.

- ran

"...the way dogs scratch desperately in the earth they scratched at each other and in helpless disappointment, still pursuing final bliss, now and again swept their tongues over each other's faces. Only weariness quietened them and made them grateful to each other.”

Ok don't kill me but I've only ever read one Murakami novel and that was South of the Border, west of the sun but the one you quoted was colourless tsukuru Tazaki wasn't it? I haven't read that :( WOW you have caught me lacking here. I'll have to read it and think of you as I do <3

("I didn't understand then that I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can just by living, damage another human being beyond repair.")

OK SO, I agree about Diomedes, and I think in some narrative sense he serves as the second hero in the illiad and takes a centre stage whenever he's there. That being said, I think what's kind of interesting is the way he stands in his father's shadow, and I'm not sure how much that accounts for his brutality and thirst for success but even before he sets foot in troy, he's already cemented himself as a warrior and despite saying he doesn't remember his father, he still avenges him. I like that his many enemies among the greek chieftains that he competes with for glory are a kind of parallel to the way he's constantly at war with his father's legacy. But I think the fact that there is that comparison serves to prop up Diomedes as a warrior in the first place.

With Odysseus, he was definitely more cunning (doesn't Homer refer to Diomedes as "forceful" or something along them lines?)but i just... dislike him. odysseus comes up with the idea of the trojan horse which led to the sacking of the city and it always rubbed me up the wrong way how he was always talking about how he hopes Penelope was going to be faithful to him but slept around and fathered many children in some translations, (he didn't even know about the kid he had with Circe till later) and idk it didnt sit right with me. He's not evil... but he's not exactly great. But that makes him interesting!

WHEW, that was long. You're making me remember things I thought I'd forgotten. You make me feel clever <3 im sorry this message is so long I had a lot to say.

OH AND THE MISSION IS.... IS GOING TO SAY THE LEAST. Don't worry I wont shoot anyone... maybe. That depends on if they piss me off or not. no promises babe. Rindou is behaving sneaky and strange so I may have to shake him for some explanations. I won't hurt him ofc.

love u <3

always yours, Hal <3

#hals character anons #a whole essay #u make me feel smart <3 #the cutest bby ive ever seen ilysm #ran mod well read and clever and witty and ??!!! come on have a bit of mercy on my heart

0 notes

shercockadoodledoo · 7 years ago

Text

ballet shoes and ice skates (3)

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

also on ao3

Nezumi was exhausted in the morning, but he was used to working in exhaustion, preferred it that way, and was no less focused as Shion took his hands from the small of Nezumi’s back and the space between Nezumi’s shoulder blades.

Without the figure skater’s hands, Nezumi promptly fell onto his back on the ice, his breath knocked from his lungs not for the first time that morning.

“Maybe we should take a break,” Shion said, standing above him with his hand in his hair.

Nezumi waited until he could breathe again, then shoved himself off the ice. “We just started.”

“We’ve been at this for two hours.”

“We never break after two hours. I can do it. Show me again.”

Shion shook his head, but he skated away, and Nezumi watched him carefully. The figure skater was incredibly graceful on ice. Moved as if he was a part of the ice itself. Nezumi could have watched him for hours, demanded demonstration after demonstration without practicing any of the positions himself and been content to do so.

It was no surprise that Shion had gold medals. He was something to watch, something that it almost hurt to look away from.

Shion skated in a large curve. His knees bent, and he lowered down, his back arching as it had the night before, but instead of a bed beneath him there was nothing but a foot of air and then ice. He spread his arms out, his head lifted to the ceiling of the rink, and while Nezumi could not see exactly, he had a feeling Shion’s eyes were closed.

He held the position – the cantilever, Shion had called it – then straightened up again, kept skating away as if he’d forgotten Nezumi entirely, and Nezumi wouldn’t have minded being forgotten, wouldn’t have minded watching Shion skate on his own for hours. But then Shion was looping back, stopping gracefully in front of Nezumi, who pushed his bangs up from his face.

They kept escaping his clip.

“You hold your upper body up entirely with your legs and core,” Shion said, not for the first time.

Nezumi skated back, then forward again, giving himself momentum as he bent his knees, arched his back.

“You have to bend your knees more!” Shion called.

Nezumi did as he was told, but he knew his balance was off, was falling back before he could right himself, this time curling onto his side to avoid having the wind knocked out of him again.

He pushed himself up and listened to Shion’s skates on the ice, approaching him.

“I saw you do a position like this at Swan Lake. I know you have the core strength for it,” Shion said, extending a hand that Nezumi didn’t take.

He stood up on his own and rubbed his right elbow. He kept falling on it. He’d have to remember to fall on his other side every once in a while.

“It’s different on ice,” he said.

“I know that,” Shion replied, reaching out and touching Nezumi’s arm.

Nezumi pulled away, skating backwards from him.

Shion could touch him to place his body into position. Shion could touch him to feel his skin, move his hair aside from his neck in order to press his lips to the space he’d cleared.

But Nezumi didn’t need Shion touching him to check if he was bruised. Nezumi already knew he was bruised. A bruise was nothing. A bruise would heal.

“Let’s try it again, then. Lower yourself slowly, I’ll do the same thing beside you, watch me,” Shion said, and so they tried it again.

Again and again. Hours passed until afternoon appeared, stretched out, settled on the rink in bright streaks of sunlight that nearly made Shion’s hair glow.

Nezumi liked to look at where the patches of sunlight settled on Shion’s skin. He was looking at a square of light on Shion’s neck as Shion placed his hand on the flat of Nezumi’s stomach, above his t-shirt.

“Lower down more, your torso should be parallel with the ice.”

Nezumi’s legs shook. He pressed a hand to the ice below him to prop himself up.

“Sometimes skaters do the cantilever with a hand on the ice. You don’t have to do it with arms extended. It’s not like you’re in competition, you don’t have to master any of this,” Shion was saying, even though a second before he’d been insisting on getting parallel with the ice, but Nezumi chose not to argue.

He understood that Shion was used to perfection. That when he coached, he expected the mastery that he himself possessed.

Nezumi wasn’t going to let himself disappoint the man.

“Can you lower just an inch more?” Shion asked, and Nezumi did as he was told until he was falling again onto his back.

Nezumi laid on the ice and looked up at Shion’s face hovering above his, not surprised entirely to see that the figure skater was smiling lightly.

He smiled easily. All the time. It was so simple to earn his smiles that it wasn’t as if they’d been earned at all, but Nezumi still felt some satisfaction, that odd warmth in his chest.

“Hi,” Shion said, from above him.

“Hey,” Nezumi breathed. He closed his eyes. He was exhausted. Should have gotten more sleep the night before, but he’d been kept awake.

Even after they’d had sex, then once more, Nezumi had trouble sleeping with such a warm body beside his. Shion radiated heat. He was like a furnace, and Nezumi wondered if all people were like him, or if it was just him alone. He seemed like the kind of person to be a rarity. An oddity. An exception.

“Are you okay?” Shion asked.

“Great.”

“We haven’t taken a break today.”

“I don’t need a break.” Nezumi opened his eyes. Saw that Shion was still watching him. This didn’t surprise him. He had a feeling Shion had watched him the night before as well long after they’d unraveled their bodies from each other, choosing to watch rather than to fall asleep.

“Okay. Let’s try again,” Shion said, so Nezumi pushed himself back up, stood up and skated away from Shion to shake himself out, returned beside the man to try again.

Shion gave another demonstration, and Nezumi enjoyed looking at the arch of his back.

“What about the World Championships?” Nezumi asked, a question that had been on his mind for some time, as Shion straightened up.

Shion blinked at him. “What about them?”

“Aren’t they in March?” Nezumi had done some loose Googling on figure skating competition schedules back when he had only known Shion from the videos his agent had given him. He knew there was some controversy around the World Championship, but hadn’t bothered to look more into it.

The internet search had bored him quickly. He’d preferred to look at the videos of the figure skater, pause them at certain moments, play them again.

“They were. There haven’t been World Championships in figure skating since I was a little kid. There was an upswing of skating injuries because the season was so long, and after a few more serious incidents, the FSU decided that the Grand Prix Final would be the culmination championship of each season, and they got rid of Worlds. Standards of figure skating have changed too, since there’s a longer off season. Quads are expected now. They changed the required elements of short and free programs to accommodate the new standards.”

While Shion spoke, Nezumi skated forward and back then forward again, gliding into the cantilever, lowering himself with each of Shion’s words, tilting his head up to face the roof, watching the ceiling slide by.

He had a hand on the ice, and contemplated extending it as Shion had, but when he tried he was falling again.

He got up again. Skated back towards Shion.

“But like I said, I was a little kid when all of this happened, hardly two years old. There was some controversy, of course, it was a big change in the history of figure skating competitions, but it was done to allow skaters more time to excel without having to worry about practicing their same programs or overworking themselves into injury by trying to do too much in a shorter off season. It didn’t really affect me, since I didn’t know much about figure skating beforehand.”

“So your mother was in one of the last World Championships,” Nezumi said. He did not actually care about Shion’s mother. He liked when Shion talked. He suspected the man was full of words. He spoke in a straightforward manner, as if he were in a classroom, giving a lesson. As if he were full of facts, full of truths, things Nezumi might never have known existed in his own universe.

Nezumi wasn’t interested in the history of figure skating, but he could see easily that Shion was. He could see that Shion enjoyed talking about it, or maybe it was that he enjoyed talking about anything at all.

“No. The one time she qualified for the World Championship after she won gold at the Grand Prix Final, she was a few months pregnant with me, and chose not to compete. She never competed again after I was born.”

Nezumi had done another cantilever. Lifted his arms again, nearly had them extended, felt himself losing his balance and lowered his hand quickly enough to catch himself, then straightened up without falling.

“Do you feel guilty?” Nezumi asked, not looking at Shion, skating away from him, practicing other positions – the lunge, the catchfoot with his leg both behind and then in front of him, the spread eagle, and then again the cantilever, this time extending his arms for several seconds before having to stand up again.

“I have nothing to do with my mother’s decision. It was hers to make.”

Nezumi had skated back to Shion, who stood where Nezumi had left him, had not moved an inch.

“Do you think she regrets it?” Nezumi asked, and Shion tilted his head.

“No, I don’t. Why are you asking all of this?”

“Maybe I want to get to know you,” Nezumi said, feeling his lips quirk up.

Shion raised an eyebrow, his hands rising to rest on his hips. “Then you should ask me about me, not my mother. You looked good, by the way. You should still be lower in the cantilever position, but you’ve nearly got it. I think you earned yourself a break. Also, I’m starving.”

Nezumi felt his smirk widen and shook his head. “Fine, we’ll take a break. I figured you’d have a bit more stamina, you’re not even the one doing most of the work.”

“Coaching is a lot of work. And it’s good to know when to take breaks. You’re not doing any favors to your body by overworking yourself. You should know when to stop,” Shion replied, using his lecture voice as he led Nezumi off the ice. “Sushi at my apartment?”

It was a loose routine from the previous five days that Nezumi broke after he checked his phone, found a text from his agent.

Meet me at the hotel asap.

Nezumi fully intended to blow her off, to return to Shion’s apartment, forgo the sushi and fuck him instead, but his phone started ringing as he was about to lower it into his pocket.

“What?” Nezumi asked, snapping it to his ear.

“What are you doing?”

“Talking to you on the phone. What do you want?”

“Aren’t you supposed to have breaks?” Kiyoko’s voice asked, sounding irritated, as if Nezumi was the one to call her unannounced and ruin her plans to fuck a figure skater.

“I’m on it right now.”

“Then get to the hotel, didn’t you get my text?”

“I’ll be there in five,” Nezumi snapped, hanging up before he could get more annoyed. He glanced at Shion, who was staring at him. “My agent wants to see me.”

“Oh, all right. I’ll see you back here in an hour then.”

Nezumi nodded, and they changed out of their skates before heading out, parting ways at the exit of the rink. Nezumi thought about glancing back over his shoulder to watch Shion walk out of view, but decided against it. He tucked his hands into his pockets instead and walked quickly to the hotel where he found his agent instantly, sitting at the bar.

He slid into a stool next to her.

“You reek of sweat,” Kiyoko said in greeting, glancing at him quickly.

“What do you want?”

“Want a drink?”

“I’ve still got to get back to training. What do you want?” Nezumi asked again, undoing his clip and pushing his bangs back up, reclipping them.

“How’s training going?”

“Was there a point to making me come here?” Nezumi sighed, leaning his elbow on the bar and his hand on his palm.

His agent took a sip of her martini from a thin straw. Nezumi glanced at the time on her watch, noted that it was only four in the afternoon.

“I came to your room last night, and you weren’t there.”

“So?” Nezumi asked, bored, thinking he should have ignored his agent’s request to meet her, wondering if Shion was at his apartment yet or making small talk with the guy who worked at the sushi place.

“I told you to find out if Shion was signing the contract.”

“He is.”

“You didn’t tell me that.” Kiyoko replaced her glass on the bar and leaned forward.

“I’m telling you now.”

His agent leaned even closer, and Nezumi leaned back, unfazed by her calculating stare. “Where were you last night?”

“Don’t see how it’s your business.”

“Don’t tell me you were having sex with Shion.”

Nezumi sighed. It continued to astound him how his agent assumed his personal life was any of her concern.

“You did!” she shouted, so loudly that a couple at the bar – the only other people there – stared at her.

“Is there a reason you’re shouting?” Nezumi asked mildly.

“I cannot believe you had sex with the figure skater in order to get him to sign your contract!” Kiyoko hissed, though she appeared rather delighted.

“I didn’t.”

“Not that I’m upset,” Kiyoko said quickly, straightening up and pushing her glasses up her nose. “This is great for your career, trust me, you did the right thing. He signed the contract already? You saw him do it? We’ll have to send for your stuff, and mine as well, though I’ll be going back and forth between here and Tokyo, I have some work to sort out in the city.”

Nezumi didn’t bother correcting his agent’s ridiculous assumption that he’d bother having sex for a signature. It hardly mattered to him what she thought, and at least now she wasn’t yelling at him for something or another.

“You know,” Kiyoko said, tracing the rim of her margarita glass, “you could do it again.”

“Do what again?”

“Sleep with him. That would be great publicity for the film, you having an affair with the world’s greatest figure skater right before your own figure skating movie. The film would shatter the charts, Nezumi, it’s something to consider.”

Nezumi lifted his cheek from his palm to stare at his agent fully. “Are you drunk?”

His agent waved her hand. “Just a little. Just think about it, that’s all. I’m not telling you to fall in love or anything, just an affair, let the tabloids pick it up. It’s even a little scandalous, you’re both men, you know how the country still is with that. Really, I wish I’d thought of this myself, this is genius, your film will blow up before you even start shooting.”

“You did think of this yourself,” Nezumi reminded slowly. “And I’m not fucking the guy for press, try to get that out of your head.”

His agent frowned. “What, suddenly you’re Mr. Morality? Give me a break, Nezumi. I know you care about the bottom line, and the bottom line is they won’t even be able to fit the entire figure on your paycheck when word gets out of your affair. This is your chance, kid. You’re going to be huge.”

“There is no affair. Did you really manage to convince yourself that your ramblings are true in one minute? Maybe you shouldn’t drink the rest of that,” Nezumi advised, reaching out to move his agent’s glass away from her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the press. That’s my job, I’ll make sure they get some good photos – ”

“Hey, Kiyoko. Listen to me. Stop spewing this nonsense, it’s getting a little irritating,” Nezumi snapped.

His agent pointed at him. “You’re the one who slept with the guy. I didn’t tell you to do that.”

“You made that up, remember? When did I say anything like that?”

“So you didn’t sleep with him?” Kiyoko demanded, squinting at Nezumi, who raised an eyebrow back at her.

“I have to get back to the rink. And I think it’s time for you to go to bed, you’re being a little neurotic. It’s unbecoming.” Nezumi slid off his stool, wondered if he should help his agent up to her room, but she didn’t appear all that drunk.

She certainly was acting completely out of her senses, but her gaze was sharp on his when he looked at her.

“Keep up the good work. This is your shot, Nezumi. I know you like your theater, but film is where the money is. You’ve got talent, and I believe that, I do, I’ve seen your shows. But the big screen is not just talent like the theater is. It’s all publicity and press, and you’ve got the face for it. If you use it right, you’ll be fine.”

Her words were too sincere, and Nezumi didn’t particularly like the sound of them. He took a step away from her, watched her finally tear her gaze from his. When she reached for the martini Nezumi had moved out of her reach, Nezumi finally turned away from her, left her without turning back.

Nezumi didn’t care about publicity and press. He didn’t want it. He knew Shion was used to it, had to be used to it, but it wasn’t what Nezumi had ever considered for himself.

He trusted his agent. She knew more about the film industry than he did. She was probably right about what sold tickets, but that only made Nezumi dread the making of this film even more.

He felt right in the theater, he felt at ease on stage. Nezumi didn’t know anything about being behind a camera, didn’t know if it was for him, but he didn’t give himself the luxury to choose.

Film was the better deal, and Nezumi would take it just for that.

After practice, Shion followed Nezumi to the ballet studio again, though this time, he walked beside the man.

Nezumi’s demeanor had changed after he’d come back from meeting his agent for the rest of his lesson, though Shion couldn’t pinpoint how. He contemplated asking Nezumi if something was wrong, was still contemplating when they reached the studio, greeted Nagisa, then let themselves in the back room.

Shion leaned against the bar and watched Nezumi change his sneakers to ballet flats. The motions of tying them up his leg were quick and graceful as if he’d been doing it for years – and he had, Shion remembered, he’d been doing it since he was seven.

Nezumi stretched first, sitting with his long legs extended, reaching out past his toes, wrapping his entire hand around the arch of his foot. He bent so low his forehead touched his knees, his spine exposed to Shion but for the thin fabric of t-shirt over it.

He had a scar on his back. A burn scar, Shion recognized it the night before from Safu’s textbooks he’d borrowed to read. It was large and rigid underneath Shion’s fingertips, and Nezumi had shivered as Shion had touched it, a quick jolt of his body over Shion’s.

He didn’t offer an explanation, and Shion didn’t ask, just as he didn’t ask about the words Nezumi spoke – shouted, really – once he was asleep.

Nezumi stood up after five minutes of stretching, approached the bar that Shion leant back against, his arms extended at his sides with his elbows resting on the bar behind him.

“Want to learn something?” Nezumi asked, and Shion shook his head, dropped his arms from the bar.

He had always loved to learn, always craved knowledge, but now he felt oddly content being in the dark.

It was new, for him, but Shion welcomed new things. Welcomed Nezumi, the newest thing in his life, thrilling and incredible, addicting and intoxicating.

“Then why are you here?” Nezumi asked, lifting his leg so that it was at a straight angle in front of him, resting his calf on the bar where Shion’s elbow had only just been, leaning his body forward so that his chest was against his knee.

“To watch you,” Shion replied.

Nezumi exhaled through his smirk, a silent laugh that he offered Shion often. “Already obsessed?”

“Yes.” Shion didn’t see a reason to lie. He wanted Nezumi to know how deeply he’d fallen. How beautiful the man was, how content Shion was to watch him.

Nezumi just shook his head. Dropped his leg and lifted the other. His flexibility was familiar to Shion now on an intimate level. Shion knew many positions into which Nezumi could fold himself. Wanted to learn more.

“Will you sleep over at my place again?” he asked, while Nezumi curved his arms over his head, bent to each side in a slow and lovely arch of movement.

“Hasn’t anyone taught you the merits of being aloof? Playing hard to get?”

“Do you want me to pretend not to be interested in you?” Shion asked, and this time Nezumi’s laugh was audible.

“It’d certainly be a change.”

“I don’t see the point in pretending not to want what I do.”

Nezumi glanced at him then, a quick look, indiscernible but enough to shower lightning over Shion’s skin. “I suppose you don’t.”

“So will you come over?”

“If you’re going to beg,” Nezumi replied, looking away from him again.

Shion contemplated the actor. Nezumi, clearly, preferred to be aloof. Hard to get. Uninterested, when Shion knew he was quite the opposite, had the evidence bitten into him, soft marks on his skin that he was eager to add to.

Nezumi’s behavior interested Shion. He wanted to speculate over it with Safu, break down this man, understand every single thought he had, every action he displayed and even more so, everything he hid.

Maybe he had a reason to be wary, but Shion didn’t. Shion was glad to be open, give Nezumi everything of himself, show Nezumi that it didn’t have to be hard, it didn’t have to be a bad thing, it didn’t have to be the wrong choice to offer someone everything – even if it felt reckless and rash and much too fast, much too drastic, much too dangerous to be right.

Nezumi woke alone in Shion’s bed on Saturday as he had the morning before.

When he rolled onto his back, the clock on the nightstand said it was half past seven. Nezumi pressed his groan into Shion’s pillow. Shion had light blue sheets. They smelled like him, a smell unidentifiable but that it was undeniably Shion.

Nezumi pushed himself up from the mattress after he watched three minutes go by on the clock. He dragged himself from the sheets, found his boxers on Shion’s floor and pulled them on, then left the room.

There were sounds from the kitchen, but Nezumi went to the bathroom. He peed with his eyes closed, washed his face at the sink, stared up at the mirror to watch drops of water fall from his eyelashes and the tips of his bangs. He stole a glob of toothpaste from the tube curled on the sink and pressed it to his teeth with the tip of his uninjured forefinger while he examined his arms and legs, lifting the waistband of his boxers to look at the bruise coloring his hip the purple of a thick sunset.

Nezumi spat in the sink, rinsed his mouth, left the bathroom, and tied up his hair while he walked into Shion’s kitchen, where the figure skater was at the stove, his back to Nezumi.

Nezumi liked Shion’s kitchen. It was filled with tiny potted plants. They sat on the stools so that Nezumi could not sit, they cluttered the counter so that a plate could hardly fit, they surrounded the stove and teetered on the edge of the sink and perched on top of the toaster. There were ones with thick leaves, others with small flowers, others like cacti that had been shrunk down when Nezumi hadn’t known cacti to grow anywhere but the desert.

Shion was humming under his breath, as he had been the morning before. The morning before, he’d made scrambled eggs. It wasn’t eggs today, but something that smelled syrupy, and Nezumi hovered over to the stove to stand beside him, peered over Shion’s shoulder to see that he was making French toast.

“It’s like a bed and breakfast here,” Nezumi noted, and Shion looked at him, his eyes wide, his smile immediate.

That easy smile. Instantaneous, like Shion had a store of them prepared, like he slipped them on just for Nezumi.

Nezumi blinked. What a stupid thought.

“I didn’t hear you come in here. Hi, good morning.”

“Morning.”

“Do you like French toast? I started making them before I remembered you don’t really like sweet things. You can have regular toast if you want, there’s butter and jams in the fridge.”

Nezumi shrugged. “French toast is fine.”

Shion just stared at Nezumi, in such an intense way that Nezumi vaguely wondered if the guy was about to suggest having sex again, which Nezumi was fully prepared for despite still feeling half asleep, but then Shion was pointing at his eye.

“You have eye goop.”

Nezumi stepped back, rubbed at his eyes. “No, I don’t,” he muttered, turning away from Shion, but he still heard Shion’s laugh, could still picture Shion’s smile – that goddamn smile.

“Do you know that you kick in your sleep? I’ll be as covered in bruises as you are if you keep that up,” Shion was saying, as Nezumi rubbed the crust from the corners of his eyes.

Nezumi glared back at him. “I don’t kick in my sleep.” He had not known this. He’d had no basis to know this, nobody to have told him this.

He turned away from Shion again, narrowed his eyes instead at the potted plant on one of the stools. It was short and stout with leaves that were fat, but they didn’t look like leaves at all, really.

Nezumi picked it up and sat down, but there was nowhere to put it. He held it in his hand and scrutinized it.

“You talk, too,” Shion was saying, turning from the stove and handing Nezumi a plate of French toast that Nezumi took with the hand not holding the plant.

“What?” Nezumi asked, not having any idea how he was going to eat with his hands full of a plate and a plant.

“You talk in your sleep,” Shion said, leaning against the stove with his own plate and a fork.

Nezumi watched him cut his toast with the side of his fork and chew his bite.

“No, I don’t,” Nezumi said slowly, waiting until Shion had finished chewing to say it.

Shion just looked at him, then nodded. “Okay. You don’t,” he conceded, and Nezumi narrowed his eyes.

He had not known he talked in his sleep. He didn’t know what he would have said. He thought he had dreams sometimes, but was never sure what they were on waking, always immediately forgot the moment his eyes opened, though most nights he woke sweating and tangled in his blanket.

Nezumi thought to ask what he’d said, then decided not to. Shion, clearly, was willing to let it drop, and Nezumi felt grateful for this, unsure why he was grateful, unsure why the thought of his own sleeptalking and of Shion hearing what he’d said was so jarring to begin with in the first place.

Nezumi looked away from Shion. At his plate in one hand and the potted plant in the other.

“You don’t have to hold that plant,” Shion said.

“And where do you suggest I put it?” Nezumi countered.

“I’ll take it.” Shion held out his hand, and Nezumi gave him the plant, watched Shion look quickly around before placing it on top of his fridge beside three others. “Aren’t you going to ask about them?”

Nezumi leaned over to take a fork from the drawer beside Shion’s hip and prodded his French toast tentatively. He’d never had French toast before. “Do you want me to?”

“Only if you’re curious.”

Nezumi glanced up at the man, who smiled his easy smile around his fork. “What’s with the plants, Shion?”

Shion lowered his fork and chewed before answering. “A year ago I said in an interview that I liked plants, and people have been sending me succulents ever since.”

“Succulents,” Nezumi repeated, just to try out the word.

“Yeah. Succulents. I have to keep them all in here because the window offers the best light in the apartment. Would you like one? I have so many, and I keep getting more. I’m running out of room.”

“You want to give me one of these plants?” Nezumi asked, staring around at them all. There was a cactus right in front of him. It was fat and round with yellowish spikes. Kind of ugly, in Nezumi’s opinion.

“It’d honestly be a favor to me. I keep trying to give a few to Safu, but she doesn’t like clutter. I think they’re really cute, but I just don’t have room.”

Nezumi reached out, picked up the ugly cactus. It looked like a growth rather than a plant.

“They don’t need much water. It might make your hotel room feel more like home.”

“A cactus wouldn’t remind me of home,” Nezumi replied, examining the plant closely. He lifted a finger, touched a spike tentatively, was surprised that it was sharp without knowing why he was surprised.

“What would?”

Nezumi looked up from the cactus. “What would what?”

“What would remind you of home?” Shion asked, leaning forward, and Nezumi shrugged the question from his shoulders.

“Pollution. Noise. Cars. Bright lights,” Nezumi listed, thinking of Tokyo from an outsider’s point of view, from a point of view Shion would accept.

“Were you born in the city?”

Nezumi replaced the plant on Shion’s counter. Cut a square out of his French toast with the side of his fork and tried it. Sickly sweet. He didn’t know how Shion, an athlete, could eat something like this for breakfast.

“We’re sleeping together, it’d be nice to have a little bit of personal information about you, you know,” Shion mumbled after a minute of silence had passed, and Nezumi glanced at him, surprised.

“We’re not sleeping together.”

Shion squinted at him. “We’ve had sex two nights in a row.”

“So?”

“So we’re sleeping together.”

Nezumi shook his head, exhaled through his laugh. “Two nights doesn’t mean anything.” He took another bite of his toast before remembering he didn’t like it.

“How many nights means something?” Shion asked, and Nezumi stared at him.

“Don’t know,” Nezumi said slowly, watching Shion’s expression carefully and receiving nothing but open curiosity. “But it’s not two. And it’s probably not three either.”

“How about four?” Shion asked, his smile tugging at his lips, back again, maybe it hadn’t left, Nezumi couldn’t figure out what was making the guy so happy.

“Doubtful.”

“Five?”

Nezumi took another bite of French toast instead of answering, chewed it carefully, thought maybe it wasn’t so terrible after all.

“Six?” Shion asked, placing his own plate – empty by now – in the sink and stepping towards Nezumi, leaning against the counter and looking down at him.

“It’s a relief to know you can count, but you can stop at any time now,” Nezumi said, after he took another bite of French toast.

“What about seven? If I sleep with you for seven nights, what does that mean?” Shion asked, leaning closer still, he was going to prick himself on his cactus if he kept that up.

Nezumi licked his fork, smirked at the man. “Means you had a pretty good week.”

Shion’s laugh was open-mouthed. His breath smelled of maple syrup. Nezumi had a strong feeling that his lips would taste like French toast, and he looked down at his plate, saw that he’d finished his toast, thought he still craved the taste that maybe he loved after all, one more bite would do it, nothing more than that.

“I think I should tell you just so you don’t think it’s just sex. I like you, Nezumi,” Shion said, his eyes still crinkled from his laughter even though the sound had stopped.

Nezumi licked his lips. Hadn’t kissed the man and couldn’t now.

Instead, he stood up. Walked around Shion and placed his plate in the sink. Ran the water and let his hands linger under it, accidentally soaking the Band-Aids around his fingers, but he needed to change them anyway.

“Has it occurred to you that you shouldn’t say everything you feel all the time?” Nezumi asked the sponge in his hands, sudsy when he squeezed it.

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“If you go around handing everyone every truth you’ve got, you’ll have nothing left for yourself. You might get hurt, being so careless.”

“By you?” Shion asked, and Nezumi glanced at him. “Are you going to hurt me?”

Nezumi listened to the sink running. Didn’t look away from Shion. “At the rate you’re going, it’s seeming a little inevitable.”

Shion didn’t smile. He just looked at Nezumi like Nezumi was the one to be scrutinized, to be analyzed, like Nezumi was the one saying things that had no business being said. “I don’t think I’d mind that so much,” he finally said.

Nezumi shook his head. Turned back to the dishes. “You’re pretty stupid, you know.”

“I disagree,” Shion said, as if it were an argument, but it wasn’t.

It was the truth. The figure skater was an idiot. Careless and rash. Naïve and trusting. But Nezumi had warned him, and if Shion wasn’t going to take a hint, Nezumi couldn’t be to blame.

If Shion got hurt, it’d be his own fault, and Nezumi would have nothing at all to do with it.

After they did the dishes, they showered together to save time and fucked because there wasn’t a reason not to. Maybe now Nezumi knew that to Shion it wasn’t just sex, but Shion knew that to Nezumi it was – he had to know, of course he knew, he was an idiot but had some sense, and it wasn’t like Nezumi told him anything otherwise, it wasn’t like Nezumi gave up some ridiculous confession in reply to Shion’s.

If Shion still wanted to have sex, Nezumi wasn’t going to object. The guy was a grown man. He could make his own bad decisions, and Nezumi wasn’t about to step in and stop him.

They dressed and were leaving Shion’s apartment when Shion stopped Nezumi at the door with a hand on Nezumi’s sleeve.

“Did you want the cactus?”

“Why would I want that?” Nezumi asked.

“You can have it if you do.”

“I don’t.”

“Are you sure?” Shion asked, like Nezumi was on the fence about an ugly plant.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Nezumi said, trying not to roll his eyes.

“If you change your mind, it’s yours,” Shion said, too earnestly, like he was talking about something other than a plant, but there was nothing else to talk about, nothing else Nezumi could change his mind about.

Nezumi chose not to reply, freed his sleeve from Shion’s loose grip and led him out of his apartment building and down a block to the rink, where they changed into their skates silently before stepping onto the ice.

It was Nezumi’s seventh day on ice, but as he glided around the rink to warm up, he felt as though he’d been skating for years. And when Shion shouted to him from across the rink to pay attention to his demonstration, Nezumi felt as though he’d been listening to the figure skater call out his name for no less than a lifetime.

Sunday made a full week since Shion had first met Nezumi in his mother’s bakery. After waking up at Shion’s apartment that morning, the actor had returned to Tokyo to collect more of his belongings. Shion had spent the morning meeting with Nezumi’s agent to submit a copy of the signed contract, binding him as Nezumi’s coach for the following five months.

“The contract stipulates that you’ll only be training Nezumi three days a week from now on,” Safu said, flipping a page of Shion’s stapled copy from her perch on the edge of Shion’s bed.

Shion had not seen or spoken to his best friend in the week since Nezumi had been in town. He didn’t think he’d ever gone such a long span of time out of contact with her, and felt guilty for it. His friendship with Safu was more important than any other relationship – or lack of relationship, as it would be.

“I know. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,” Shion replied, looking up from the book on leg injuries Safu had brought him from her clinic. He was sitting on the floor, leaning back against his dresser with clean clothes beside him he was meant to be folding. “Did you see this photo of the snapped Achilles’ heel? Look,” Shion said, holding the book open and up to his friend, who did not look.

“Saw one in person on Tuesday. I would have texted you to come in and see it, but I knew you’d be with the actor,” Safu said, and Shion didn’t miss the inflection of her tone.

He closed the clinic book. “I know I’ve been an awful friend since he’s been here. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not allowed to teach him jumps either,” Safu continued, flipping another page of the contract as if Shion hadn’t spoken.

Shion stood up, joined his friend on the bed, sitting so close to her their sides touched until Safu scooched away from him, but he just closed the gap she made.

“Forgive me, forgive me,” he insisted.

“Apparently, the actor could be injured, and it’s not worth the risk. So there won’t be jumps in this film? That won’t be accurate if the movie is going to feature programs approved by the standards of the FSU. I suppose they could have a stunt double.”

“If you forgive me, I’ll tell you a secret,” Shion said, nearly on top of his friend at this point.

Safu finally looked up from the contract. “You’re sitting on me.”

“I’ve been away from you for so long, I can’t get close enough,” Shion replied, a grin pulling at the edges of his lips.

Safu shook her head, but she was smiling when she pushed Shion away from her.

Shion allowed it, lifted his legs onto the bed completely and sat cross-legged, pivoting to face his friend fully.

“You don’t have secrets from me.”

“I know. I hate it. I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to tell you in person, and I didn’t get a chance to see you all week.”

“If I recall, you were only coaching the actor ten hours a day, and there’s twenty-four hours in a day. Take eight to sleep, though I knew you never sleep more than six, and there’s still six hours left over. Does it take six hours to tell a secret, Shion?” Safu asked, leaning closer to Shion, who bit his lip.

“The thing is, I haven’t really had six hours a day to myself, or any hours, really, since Thursday.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s part of the secret,” Shion whispered, his heart beating quickly, his skin a little electrified, and Nezumi wasn’t even in the room, he wasn’t even close by.

Safu’s expression shifted, more serious now, a little concerned in the narrow of her eyes, and she pivoted to face Shion as well. “What’s the secret, Shion?”

Shion took a breath. He felt like a child admitting a crush, but he was twenty-five years old, and it was more than a crush. “I’m falling for Nezumi,” he said slowly, unsure how to word what he felt – which was everything.

Safu made no reaction but to ask – “Romantically?”

Shion nodded. He wasn’t sure that there was another way to fall. “And we’re having sex.”

At this, Safu leaned back. “You and Nezumi?”

“Yes.”

“You’re having sex with Nezumi?”

Shion chewed on the inside of his cheek, released the thick flesh to speak. “Yeah. Yes.”

“As in, not just in your fantasies?”

Shion laughed and groaned, pitching forward to hide his face, rising up slowly. “Yes, Safu. On this very bed. Since Thursday. He’s been sleeping over.”

Safu held out a hand. “Just to clarify. You have been having sex with the actor you’re training to figure skate for,” Safu paused, and Shion watched her count on her fingers, “three nights.”

“That is correct,” Shion replied, almost preferring the clinical way in which Safu questioned him, like he was a patient at her clinic and she was asking him to confirm the symptoms she listed.

He wouldn’t mind a diagnosis. He wouldn’t mind a cure.

“And you’re falling in love with him.”

Shion nodded. “Yes.”

“But…” Safu shook her head, and Shion could see her confusion in the crease between her eyes. “Are you dating?”

“No, I don’t think so. It’s just physical.”

“Other than your romantic feelings.”

“Right. We don’t even kiss during the day, or anything like that, relationship things like that. I don’t think he wants anything more,” Shion said, and he heard the drop of his own voice, watched Safu’s confusion soften.

“Realistically, Shion, you’ve only known him for a week.”

Shion nodded. Pressed his hand over his eyes. “I know. I know it doesn’t make sense. But, Safu,” he dropped his hand, looked at his friend closely, wanted her to understand with the clarity he did, “I know what I feel. I’ve never been so drawn to anyone, I’ve never felt the need to be near someone the way I do Nezumi. It’s not just a physical attraction. That would make sense, that I could rationalize, but it’s more than that. There’s this – warmth, when I’m near him. I love to talk to him. I love when he laughs. I love when he looks at me, or even just says my name. I know I don’t know him, but I feel as if I do, this week has felt like a lifetime to me, longer than that. How does that make sense? How can I feel this way?”

He wanted answers. Here was his best friend, the smartest person Shion knew. She would have answers, she had to have answers.

She watched Shion carefully, and he was glad for her scrutiny. Wanted her to treat him like a patient at her clinic. Something to be dissected, examined, solved.

When Safu spoke, it wasn’t a diagnosis. It was a question. “What is he like?”

Shion blinked. “What?”

“The actor. Nezumi. I don’t know him, I only met him that one time last Sunday. What is he like?”

Shion tried to think. Shook his head, running through a list of adjectives and thinking none could come close to describing the actor. “He’s…He’s indescribable.”

Safu smiled lightly. “Try, for my sake.”

Shion looked at his lap. Picked at a thread unraveling from his sock. “He’s like the night sky. He’s beautiful, and quiet. And he has secrets, a lot of them, I think, but he’s good at hiding them, prefers to hide them. And there’s a darkness there, too. It’s not that he’s mean, but I don’t think he’d hesitate to be cruel. I don’t think he’d find it difficult to be cold.”

Shion peeked up at Safu, who watched him without expression, who never made Shion feel foolish for what he thought or said, and he was so grateful for this.

“And I could look at him for hours and forget that time has passed at all. I want to reach out and touch him, but sometimes it feels like I’ll never reach him, and if I ever do, that I’ll burn myself on his stars.”

Safu didn’t say anything for several seconds, and then she spoke quietly. “That was really beautiful, Shion.”

Shion shook his head, pressed his fingers to his temples. “I know it doesn’t make sense.”

Safu shrugged. “Maybe I can’t understand it, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. But can I ask you something? Does he make you happy?”

Shion dropped his hand from his temples. Looked at his friend. “I don’t know if it’s happiness, really. It’s like, it’s like he makes me full, like when I’m near him I feel like I’m overflowing.”

“With what?” Safu asked, watching Shion carefully.

“I don’t know. It’s a warm feeling, though, whatever it is. It’s something good, I know it. It has to be.”

They sat in silence for several seconds, maybe a minute, before Safu spoke again. “But your relationship is just physical.”

Shion exhaled deeply. “Nezumi won’t be clear about it – he’s rarely clear about his own feelings – but I don’t think he’s interested at all in relationships. And it almost feels safer this way. I’m worried I’m feeling too much too quickly. It can’t be normal. Can it?”

Safu smiled wanly. “I wouldn’t know.”

“I suppose I have nothing to feel upset about. I get to see him every day. Well, three days a week now, we’re contractually obliged. And I know he enjoys having sex with me. That’s enough. More than enough. Especially when I’ve only known him a week. If anything, I’m probably overwhelming him,” Shion rationalized.

“You told him how you feel?”

“Not in terms of a night sky,” Shion said, smiling slightly, “but he knows that I like him.”

“But he hasn’t reciprocated your sentiments.”

“Not exactly, no,” Shion said, thinking of Nezumi in his kitchen telling him not to be so careless with his words.

“But you’re not sad about that,” Safu was saying, and Shion was taken out of his kitchen, out from under Nezumi’s gaze.

“What?”

“You’re smiling,” Safu accused. “Isn’t unrequited love supposed to be painful?”

Shion did not feel as if anything hurt. He wasn’t upset. He hadn’t expected Nezumi to respond in kind when he’d admitted his own feelings.

Who fell in love after a week? Nobody was that foolish. Nobody had that reckless of a heart.

“I guess I don’t mind so much. It’s not like we don’t have time. He doesn’t have to fall in love with me right now.”

Safu laughed. “Just at some point in the future.”

Shion felt himself laughing as well. “The near future would be nice,” he agreed.

Safu slid closer to Shion until she was no longer across from him, but beside him. She leaned against his shoulder. Shion could feel her movements when she shifted, when she spoke. “You know, you’re a catch. Nezumi would be lucky to fall in love with you.”

Shion leaned his head on top of his friend’s, the soft of her hair familiar against the side of his cheek. He closed his eyes and thought about what it might feel like, if Nezumi fell in love with him.

The thought was so incredible Shion almost forgot to breathe.

Nezumi did not go to his apartment when he got into the city.

He went straight to his ballet studio, open only for the cast of The New National Theatre, and was relieved to find very few people in it – no one from any of his productions.

He changed into leggings and a t-shirt, laced up his ballet shoes, stretched, then stood in front of a mirrored wall and lifted himself slowly onto the flats of his toes in a pointe position.

He held the pose for as long as he could until it hurt, then held it still. He examined his form in the mirror, couldn’t find a flaw in it. It was impossible to tell from his own features that he was in pain. It was impossible to see that he struggled to balance on the tips of his toes for a minute, then two minutes, then three.

Nezumi breathed slowly. Watched his expression. Watched his chest rise and fall evenly with his breaths.

He had spent the train ride thinking of Shion. He spent more time than he preferred to admit thinking of Shion. At that moment, he wondered where Shion was, what he was doing, whom he was with.

When Nezumi closed his eyes, he imagined Shion was at the rink. Skating in slow figure eights, nothing else, just a pattern of curves over and over. Nezumi wanted to be in that rink with him. Waiting for Shion to stop skating. Waiting for Shion to call over to him, tell him what they were going to work on next.

Nezumi was not used to thinking of other people, of anyone, really, but himself. To have his head so full of someone else was a startling thing, a strange thing. He didn’t want these thoughts, but he didn’t know where to put them. He tried to exhale them out of him. Thought if he could get every inch of air out of his lungs, Shion would leave along with his breaths, and he’d be free of the man who terrified him.

There was the benefit in that Nezumi knew better than to act on his thoughts. Better than to spew them at any whim, confess them in the early morning with maple syrup on his lips. Nezumi knew the best course of action was to rid himself of them, and if he couldn’t, then to ignore them. He knew that they were temporary, had no doubt that they were temporary because everything was temporary.

There were no thoughts that stayed, and no people that stayed, and for these reasons Nezumi reminded himself he had no reason to worry.

Now, in this moment, there was Shion, a lot of Shion, an overflowing amount of Shion, and Nezumi would be victim to that, would think about the figure skater when he couldn’t fathom the reason for it, couldn’t figure out the cause.

Now, Nezumi would want to be beside him, would count down the hours until the next day when he would be in Shion’s town again, in Shion’s rink again, by Shion’s side again.

Now, Nezumi would crave the man like he was some sort of necessary thing, when he wasn’t, Nezumi knew better than that, knew so much more than that.

Now, Nezumi would want him, but it would fade. He had never wanted the way he did now, and Nezumi was unused to want, had lived a life of need and satisfaction of that need and to want was something else entirely, a luxury he’d never thought he’d have the time to feel.

Now, Nezumi would endure this luxury, let it fill him if it refused to be exhaled out of him, let it warm him if it wouldn’t budge from the lines of his pulse.

But later – soon, Nezumi was certain, it couldn’t last long – this strange draw to the figure skater would lessen, more and more until it wasn’t anything at all, and Nezumi was relieved that there was at least this one certainty, this promise of his want diminishing, dissipating, disappearing.

After four minutes in the pointe position, Nezumi nearly fell, his feet numb, his toes protesting, but he stumbled and caught himself, resisted the urge to rip off his ballet shoes and examine the damage he’d done to his feet.

He lowered himself slowly to the floor, peered up at himself in the mirror, and found that his face was pale, his eyes wide, and for a moment, Nezumi could not recognize himself at all.

#nezushi #nezumi #shion #no. 6 #spent the last two days driving to florida and then unpacking five million boxes #still don't have wifi at our new place so thanks starbucks free wifi for making this post possible

2 notes · View notes